#also this is an exaggeration about it being my biggest delusion

[verdantmeadows]

My biggest delusion/cope is that I will genuinely believe that YURI!!! on ICE the movie : ICE ADOLESCENCE will actually come out one day

[yourbuckies]

I am curious I was just having this argument with a bts fan and how she was crying because someone from bts got flirty with Olivia Rodrigo idk and she said She had a mental breakdown and this is the same psychotic shit that happens with Sebastian stan and Chris evans and any famous celebrity that’s hot, the “fans” somehow think that they have a chance with them or some delusion they have fed themselves, this is actually a mental illness it’s a way of coping with trauma by obsessively obsessing over a stranger that does not have any slightest clue that they exist and they likely will never even be in the same room as them, I think they need psychological help.

I thinking loving a celebrity platonically or sexually is okay and normal and fine but it’s also healthy to know that you are definitely only a fan and you should be happy with them getting a partner and being happy and you should also know that you are not “in love” with them because you cannot be in love with someone you haven’t met.

(Not at all a dig at you just something I was talking about with my friends and I though people should know and understand this)

And I am sorry if the last ask makes you uncomfortable you can absolutely ignore it, I have no intentions of making anyone uncomfortable. Anyhow I was the one who you replied to as “you don’t post any personal anything of him”, and I really love that. 💟

so i'm not the biggest fan of diagnosing ppl like this, especially on social media where exaggeration and being over the top is kind of the language of choice. i don't know if you knew this person prior and know that this isn't how they normally act, or if you stumbled upon their post because of this issue, but i'm guessing they meant for their audience to just be their self-imposed panopticon of mutuals that would so true bestie them until the cows came home, and it wasn't any deeper than that.

emotions aren't logical, and there's a difference between knowing it and actually feeling it. depending on where you live you probably have a higher chance of dating your fave than winning the powerball, but it's not at all weird to be disappointed that you didn't win, you know? it's fine to feel illogical feelings as long as you don't make it anyone else's problem.

[hirvitank]

Waste + 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 11, 12, 13, 15

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I knew Death of the Outsider was coming, and as the Outsider was my favourite character I really wanted to explore the theory of him becoming human—the game hadn’t been released yet so we had no idea how it’d actually end, just that Billie and Daud were working together to kill him. Since the Outsider functioned as a sort of moral compass, I was very curious to try and imagine how his canon characteristics and biases would translate into a human version of him; how would he experience the world? How would he come to terms with such a humbling existence? Where did he come from and who was he? How would he cope with his own mortality, human emotion, the consequences following his choices in the Void? And most importantly; how had his being the Outsider affected his humanity? There was so much I wanted to see explored, things I feel the previous games hinted at but never elaborated upon. I wanted to write a psychological sort of story where we’d really be able to feel and experience whatever passed in his mind, and I tried my best to use my knowledge as well as my own experiences—flaws I either observed within myself or others, ideas, thoughts and feelings influenced by bias, depression, trauma, etc. When in art school, most of my inspiration came from the transience of things; my fear of death. I really wanted to take the subject and explore it through the eyes of someone previously immortal.

2: What scene did you first put down?

I think it was the original ending I wrote down first. I was supposed to write towards a particular scene, but somewhere along the way I’d decided to discard the idea entirely and opt for a happier resolution. I originally intended for the Outsider to die in the end, both to explore the feelings of those around him, as well as his own emotions accepting such a fate. I wanted a way to embrace death, as well as an output for all my bitterness regarding the subject; my anger at the ‘unfairness’ of it all, as well as my own trauma. I wanted to express loss, and in a way try and reveal the beauty of it. In the end, I had already found a way to deal with grief, and I also felt these characters deserved more; the fairness of fiction

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

That’s a REALLY difficult pick haha (does this mean literally a single line, or like a paragraph?). I’ll just share one of my favourite parts, because I can, and because it’s even more difficult to pick a single line from such a long story and I’m honestly horrible at making choices:

I heard the whispers of rats all around me, tiny feet scampering through the pipes; Billie’s gift tucked inside my shirt. My bare feet light, making little noise—as if I wasn’t really there. Perhaps I wasn’t. Perhaps I hadn’t been anywhere for centuries.

Up the stairs, cold stones. The walls decorated, grand and lavish. Empty corridors and lingering traces of hushed whispers—the guards had left their posts. She’d be there. How would that have made me feel? How should that make me feel? Almost, getting closer. My heart pounded in my ears, lungs greedily begging for more air, more—more. I felt like running. Strong currents of energy coursed through my veins, vibrated through bones and tendons. If I lost control, would I explode in a million pieces? Would the energy burst out and take my body apart, like the Void tearing into reality?

Who was I?

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Honestly impossible to pick, I’ll just take this monologue:

“Anton Sokolov: sire to 14 children, but a father to none. A brilliant mind at a terrible cost, enlightenment in exchange for the dark depravity of the soul. Fingers that turn the times into a revolution of progress, the same fingers that touch upon women as they do the cold inventions they craft. Objects close to his heart—objects from his mind.

“The stench of alcohol in his bed, his clothes, his skin. Liquors and paints; on the canvas, dripping from his fingers, in the eyes of the beggar he found in the flooded slums of a place forsaken. The stench of rot still fresh on his teeth as he smiles at young Emily Kaldwin and tells her: ‘Don’t worry dear, here in the tower you are safe.’ Don’t worry dear, for I know the truest evil lies not within the high walls of Dunwall but within my hands and mind, within the flooded basement where a woman screamed and bled until she hung her head and closed eyes from which the dark paint still leaked—forever.

“The human body—like clockwork—taken apart in exchange for coin, for valuables. But those things Anton Sokolov values most lay outside of his intellectual grasp; for all the reasoning in the world he is but a cold, lonely man in search of a higher purpose that is but a lie of his own twisted imagination. A delusion of grandeur.

“How does it feel? One’s biggest regrets are but feelings of little consequence. The true disease is the sickness that allows one to enact true consequence on an innocent in the name of a self-prescribed fate. But I suppose that’s the curse of boredom. That, is the curse of your brilliance.”

5: What part was hardest to write?

The first chapter! There’s nothing more difficult than a set-up imo; establishing characters, pacing, setting and feel. I had a vague idea of where I wanted to go, but there was still so much I didn’t know that I had a hard time choosing how and where to start. I think it’s one of the most heavily edited chapters, just because I didn’t have a clear grasp on the characters or plot yet. (Also smut, oh lord help me)

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

There’s the original ending, and I did at one point start on a companion fic to explore Emily’s pov, but decided I better focus on finishing the original instead.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The fact that it’s finished (hurrahhhh!!), and the themes and subjects.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

My own sense of humour, I always cringe reading my own jokes so I can only hope it hits with others—I genuinely have no idea, and it’s hard at times to figure out where to draw the line.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

WELL IM GLAD U ASKED!! I’ll try and keep this short, but these are some of the songs that carried this fic, not even exaggerating.

1. Lover Don’t Leave, Citizen Shade

2. Happy Life, Roland Faunte

3. Painting Roses, Dresses

4. ID, Charlie Allen

5. High Tops, Del Water Gap

6. Love Song for Lady Earth, Del Water Gap

7. Battle Cry, The Family Crest

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

EVERYTHING. I had literally no idea about writing, apparently. I’ve had no classes in literature, nor have I ever been taught the common rules when it comes to writing. I got to learn most of it thanks to my friends who helped edit (shoutout to @onewhoturns again), and through trial and error. I absolutely loved the experience of it, and I’m so grateful for all I’ve learned, and all I will continue to learn in the future. It’s given me the basis for my own original writing which I’m trying to pursue, and which I hope will someday become reality.

Thank you so much for these! I’ve thoroughly enjoyed answering every single one. ♥

[lizabethstucker]

The Misadventures of Nero Wolfe edited by Josh Pachter

Subtitled: Parodies and Pastiches Featuring the Great Detective of West 35th Street

I loved this collection of stories, with only a few exceptions. Overall, I would give it 4.5 out of 5.

Introductions: Trouble in Triplicate

“At Wolfe’s Door” by Otto Penzler ~ about the characters.

“A Family Affair” by Rebecca Stout Bradbury ~ Rex Stout’s daughter provides a peek at the author.

“Plot It Yourself” by Josh Pachter ~ how the collection came to be.

Pastiches (Respectful imitations of the original works)

“The Red Orchid” by Thomas Narcejac

Translated from French, the story was written in 1947. The first English publication wasn’t until 1961. A young woman comes to hire Wolfe to discover who is trying to kill her uncle, a man who claims to have developed a red orchid. More creepy than respectful, especially how Archie hits on the female client. Too offensive for me. DNF

“Chapter 8 from ‘Murder in Pastiche’” by Marion Mainwaining

Published in 1955, this novel can also be found under the title of “Nine Detectives All at Sea”. A notorious gossip columnist is murdered during a sea cruise across the Atlantic. There are nine famous detectives on the ship as passengers. Trajan Beare, aka Nero Wolfe, is the focus of this particular chapter. It is hard to judge the whole book based on just one chapter. However, the characterization should be noted as being extremely close to the original source material. A nice read. No rating as it is just an excerpt.

“The Archie Hunters” by Jon L. Breen

Written in 1968, but never published until now. A cross of Nero Wolfe and Mike Hammer. Mock Himmler beats the crap out of anyone he encounters, particularly if they disagree with him or do something he doesn’t like. After beating up a news seller for carrying a “commie” magazine, Mock discovers an ad in the back requesting a private investigator for a missing person case. The ad, placed by Nero Wolfe, leads Mock to presume the missing person is Archie Goodwin. I’ve never been a fan of Mike Hammer nor his creator, Mickey Spillane, finding both of them to be disgusting in their love of violence, misogyny, and attitudes in general. I did enjoy this story nonetheless. 4 out of 5

“The Frightened Man” by O. X. Rusett

Gave up early on this anagram-stuffed story, even to the author’s name. More annoying than clever or cute. DNF

“Chapter 1 from ‘Murder in E Minor’” by Robert Goldsborough

I read the whole book when it was first published and, frankly, wasn’t too impressed. I do know that Goldsborough was selected by the Stout Estate to be the official author of the novels and I have read a few of his more recent books. I may try and reread it sometime down the road to see if my opinion has changed. No rating as it is only one chapter.

“The Purloined Platypus” by Marvin Kaye

While Goldsborough has the exclusive novel rights, Kaye asked to write short stories and was given the Estate’s permission as long as no novels were ever written. Benjamin Moultrie, president and board chairman of the Museum of the Strange, Odd and Peculiar, wants to hire Wolfe to investigate a robbery at the museum. As I wasn’t reading the magazines such as Ellery Queen and Alfred Hitchcock, I missed reading any of these stories. Which is quite a tragedy. Excellent portrayals of not only the characters, but the case itself. 4 out of 5.

Parodies (Exaggerated imitations intended to poke fun at the source material)

“The House on 35th Street” by Frank Littler

Originally appeared in The Saturday Review in 1966. Little is known about the author, despite Pachter’s research attempts. A crowd is assembled in the Brownstone in a murder case, wanting to see some of the detective’s famous actions and quirks. There is an undercurrent of a very personal nature, especially at the end. 3.5 out of 5

“The Sidekick Case” by Patrick Butler

Another entry from The Saturday Review, this time in 1968, and another case of little information on the author. Wolfe objects to Archie being called a “sidekick” in a listing of the latest book. Cute. 3.5 out of 5

“The Case of the Disposable Jalopy” by Mack Reynolds

America has turned into an illiterate welfare state, Wolfe and Archie are old and sometimes forgetful, and things are beyond tight financially. Reynolds uses the last names of some of the biggest authors in Science Fiction in the story. These men want to hire Wolfe for a case of sabotage and the disappearance of a key developer. What a weird world Reynolds has built. As to the updates on the normal cast of characters in the series? Well, I never liked Orrie anyway. 4 out of 5

“As Dark as Christmas Gets” by Lawrence Block

An unpublished manuscript written by Cornell Woolrich is stolen during a Christmas party. The owner hires Wolfe wannabe Leo Haig and his Goodwin substitute, Chip Harrison, to recover it. I’ve come across stories in this series before and loved them, both for the obvious affection for the source material as well as the excellent characterization. 4.5 out of 5

“Who’s Afraid of Nero Wolfe?” by Loren D. Estleman

Arnie Woodbine, currently on parole, was fired from his last job for gambling on company time. He needs a job and finds an ad looking for an assistant sharp of wit. He finds himself hired by Claudius Lyon, a corpulent man with delusions of being Nero Wolfe. Arnie is hired as his Archie. Now all they need is a case. Since Lyon doesn’t have a private detective license and Arnie’s felony record prevents him from ever getting one, they would not be able to charge for their services. No problem as Lyon is actually quite wealthy. Their first case is regarding a poetry award that carries with it a $10,000 prize. One winner doesn’t appear to actually exist. Seriously one of the best sendups that I’ve ever read! This was a delight to read and deserved more stories. 4.5 out of 5.

“Julius Katz and the Case of Exploding Wine” by Dave Zeltserman

A friend of Julius’ that has a champion bulldog and heads a dog food company comes to see Julius with the dog in tow, asking for help to find someone to prevent Brutus from being kidnapped. He also asks that Julius find his murderer if he’s killed. Sure enough, the man is killed. Julius had agreed to investigate, but only after he gave the police a week to solve it themselves. Just as the week is up, an adversary calls to warn Julius that there is a bomb in his house, contained in a box of wine. Julius allows almost everyone to believe he is dead after the townhouse is completely destroyed from top to bottom. I absolutely loved this sorta tribute to Rex Stout. I’m particularly intrigued by Archie, an AI who is installed in Julius’ tie pin. That alone has me eyeing the book collections, but to be honest, this is a damn fine mystery. Julius is definitely not Nero Wolfe, at least in size, athleticism (martial arts), and loving women (a former womanizer who now has a regular girlfriend). He definitely is in the aspects of intelligence, laziness, and cutting Archie out of the loop. His collecting focus is wine rather than orchids, but both can be very expensive hobbies. 4.5 out of 5.

“The Possibly Last Case of Tiberius Dingo” by Michael Bracken

Age and diet are catching up to Tiberius Dingo’s body, but his mind and deductive reasoning is still as sharp as ever. His long-time assistant, Jughead Badloss, brings a client he dances with at the Senior Center, a woman who is certain she is being stalked. Family ties and age-old secrets are ripped out into the open before the case is done, for their client and for Jughead himself. The names are a little lame, but the story made up for it. 3.5 out of 5.

Potpourri

“The Woman Who Read Rex Stout” by William Brittain

Gertrude Jellison was the fat lady at a carnival sideshow, an intelligent woman whose extreme weight, over 500 pounds, kept her from her dream job of teaching psychology. Her partner, Robert Kirby, is the thin man, barely weighing seventy-five pounds. As a stunt, the carnival boss gave her Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe books to read during the shows. Surprisingly enough, Gert loved them and continued reading. She never expected to use what she learned to solve a murder, but sadly a newer member of the troup, a beautiful woman named Lili who was like a daughter to Gert, is murdered and the older woman knows she can solve the crime. This is a character that I could seriously have loved to read more about. A good little mystery as well, even if I quickly realized who the murderer would turn out to be. 3.5 out of 5.

“Sam Buried Caesar” by Josh Pachter

Police inspector Griffen had eleven children, each of whom was named after a famous fictional detective. Nero, just eleven years old, had set up his own detective agency, aided by his best friend and neighbor Artie Goodman. Their latest client, Sam, came to them after his dog, Caesar, was hit and killed by an out-of-state driver. Not wanting the poor animal to be left coldly abandoned on the street, he buried the dog in an empty lot. Coming back a short time later to get Caesar’s collar, the body is missing. He hires Nero and Artie to find the killer and recover the body. Sad and cute and inventive, but how Artie puts up with Nero will always be a mystery. 3.5 out of 5.

“Chapter 24 from Rasputin’s Revenge” by John Lescroart

The basic premise is that Nero Wolfe is the son of Sherlock Holmes and Irene Adler. I’ve not read this particular book, but it appears to be the last chapter in which Archie and Wolfe, going under his original name, are in Russia, appeared to have come up against Gregori Rasputin (although the author has it as Gregory), and was helped by Holmes and Dr. Watson after they were wanted for murder. I’m not going to rate it as I don’t consider it fair to rate a novel based on just one chapter.

“A scene from Might as Well Be Dead” by Joseph Goodrich

Adaptation of the story into a play. Once again, not rated.

“The Damned Doorbell Rang” by Robert Lopresti

When their fourteen granddaughter came to visit in a snit because her parents won’t allow her to go with friends to a concert in New York City, Eve and Jack decide to tell her about why they left the City. When they were younger, they had a brownstone in the City. Their neighbors were definitely different, all men living there. Jack didn’t much like any of them and keeps disparaging Eve’s stories about what they saw while living there. But Eve tells a tale of how she saved the men’s lives. Too many close calls are the reason that they moved to New Jersey. How could I not love this outsider’s look at Nero Wolfe? 3.5 out of 5.

[allaboutyoursign]

THE SIGNS AND FLIRTING

Aries: Pure fire! As people say, flirting with an aries will make you feel “the zing”, they are the sparkle that makes your whole body shake. On the other hand, fire, as hot as it can be, is also highly volatile. They’re greedy. They want everything and everyone, and in a moment they go from loving hard to leaving behind. Aries people are moved by one thing: CHALLENGES. They love to be surprise and be surprised with a lot of teasing, thrills and audacity! They will probably ask you out beforehand, and if you ignore them, it will make them even more interested in conquering you.

Taurus: Flirting with a taurus isn’t a fight, it is a heavy defeat. If there’s something taurus people do, it is taking their time. They have both feet on the ground 24/7 and never let themselves get carried away by emotions. If they’re really interested in you, they’ll be PATIENT, INSISTENT and METICULOUS. Taurus will invest on you and slowly gain your heart by flirting in a very, very smooth way. Good food and sex are bonuses! Aside from that, taurus people love that old cheesy way of flirting: chocolates, flowers, wine, and a very subtle dirty talk. You’ll only realize they’ve been doing that on purpose when you stop and think about it. And once you get caught, you'll suddenly see yourself addicted to them...

Gemini: Prepare yourself to have someone who’s rapidly and frequently swinging between moods. They’ll show you an intense will of making things work out for you and them, then they’ll become cold all of the sudden. That’s just their way of keeping the fun in their lives! Gemini people are amazing speakers, they enjoy talking about anything that keeps them interested and active, but they also exceed at the art of flirting like you’ve never seen before. They’ll make you join them in their crazy way of thinking and they’ll show you their best side, hoping you can start to genuinely enjoy being around them. But DON’T become too attached, they absolutely hate being “put in a jail”. Just let things happen naturally.

Cancer: Forget that whole story about cancer people being “too sensitive”. What they really look for is someone who relates well to them. They want a strong bond that will last for a long time. Consequently, they got no time for games or blurred lines, they live intensely. Poetry, conversations and loving stares are part of the nature of this sign, so be gentle and wait for them to accept you. They’ll never forget any detail you mention to them, because they truly want you in their lives; and if they ever get to declare themselves to you, know that they have thought about that moment for a long, long time.

Leo: If aries people like being in control... Leos are basically the owners of all their relationships. They stand out and they know it! For that to happen, they need to receive attention everywhere they go, and that isn’t different when the subject is FLIRTING. If you catch a leo giving their eyes to you, don’t go talk to them, let them come to you; let them seduce you, make them think they’re handling the situation. When you go on a date with a leo, they will always be well dressed and smelling like heaven. Then they’ll give you compliments while expecting you to do the same to them. If they REALLY like you, prepare yourself to receive a lot of gifts, hot nights and, of course, LOTS of drama.

Virgo: Don’t even expect them to chitchat, talk nonsense or say useless things. Virgo people love conquering their partners by using their intelligence. They’re usually shy because they’re afraid you won’t accept them, so when flirting with a virgo, you gotta make sure you’re being REALLY clear. However, virgos love to talk about themselves and their own experiences, so tell him stories and listen to their stories too, it will certainly keep them interested.

Libra: Libra is easily defined as the hopeless romantic of the zodiac. They’re calm, smooth and absolutely nothing goes past their radar! If you’re interested in them, they’ll notice even before you do! Whoever is born a libra is the type that everyone wants around, so they have a lot of candidates... You’ll have to fight for that heart! They’re charismatic, charming, likeable and social. However, at the same time, they tend to exaggerate and be overdramatic. Libras enjoy people who are true and inspiring, who want to create something and not just flirt senseless; so be gentle, buy them things that are beautiful, make them feel wanted and you’ll have them in your hand. But be careful!: They're easy to fall in love with.

Scorpio: They’ll never say it out loud or make it clear to you, so you’ll have to understand every. little. sign. Well, if you're familiar with the most basic stuff about signs, you’ll know that scorpios have an outstanding characteristic of theirs: the sexual side. The secret in flirting with a scorpio is going for all the five senses. That means you’ll have to seduce them using a lot of charm, talking and, of course, little games; you’ll have to be dressed in a way that isn’t outstanding, but makes you look good in general; and you’ll also have to be clean 24/7. Make them laugh and never forget to be daring, they love feeling electric around someone. Follow the steps and they’ll fall easily like the water sign they represent.

Sagittarius: Golden rule when dealing with a sagittarius: Let them speak. A lot. About their own lives, about past lives, about birds and music and anything they want. The interest of a sagittarius in you is determined by YOUR interest in them: pay attention to what is being said, even if it’s kinda boring. Invite them to have a drink with you, then while they’re speaking, touch them lightly. Touch their arm, leg or shoulder (NOT in a creepy way). Sagittarius people love having true connection with others!

Capricorn: If taurus people have both feet on the ground, capricorn is completely buried below! Men and women of this sign can’t be convinced easily by just another pretty face. They need a LOT more to cut loose and start flirting with someone. Come to them slow and open-minded like you just want to get to know them, innocently. Then start to make them trust you, ask about their plans, show them you want something serious. The “opposites attract” card won’t work with this sign, if you’re not at the same vibe, just let go and move on.

Aquarius: Prepare yourself for the biggest delusion of you life! JK, aquarius are great. But really, love just isn't a thing for them, since they are very detached from people in general. My personal advice is: try to awake their curiosity. If they’re curious about you, they won’t stop until they solve you out, just like a puzzle. Aquarius people, like aries, are moved by things that make them work for what they want! Don’t give yourself easily to them, or they’ll be bored very, very fast. Make flirting a fun and interesting thing to an aquarius and they’ll start to slowly feel attached.

Pisces: Yes, the lovesick sign of the zodiac! They’ll embrace you with their stories, soft voice, easy laughs and tight hugs. What a pisces person really needs is someone who cares for them as much as they care for other people. Asking about their day, sending them a text telling them you’re thinking about them or simply showing you’re interested in having them around will surely make a pisces person happy! Conquering them is not the hardest thing to do, but DON’T play with their feelings or you’ll see a side of this sign that not many people know about. They can be extremely vengeful and cold-hearted when it comes to having their heart broken. Flirt with them with only good intentions, they’ll probably not know if you just want a one night stand, so BE CLEAR.

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Totally Awesome

by Viorica

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Viorica finds a Potter-related bit of media that actually deserves the hype

Oooh! This is in the Axis of Awesome!~

Parodies are a tricky thing. If you've got too much of a hate-on for the source material, you end up being too bitter; if you love the source material too much, you can't effectively make fun of its flaws; and if you just don't care either way, you get something like this. It's a difficult tightrope to walk, but when you're lucky/talented enough to get it right, you end up with A Very Potter Musical. Written by college-aged fans of the Potter series, it combines the best of the original series with the talent of the actors and writers involved, and ends up eclipsing the source material entirely.

The story takes place in Harry's second year, and encompasses the events of all seven books. Harry and his friends (with Ron's sister Ginny in tow) arrive at Hogwarts to discover that the new teacher Professor Quirrel has R

resurrected the House Cup (which is basically a one-school Triwizard Tournament) as part of Voldemort's plan to capture Harry Potter under a bumbling Dumbledore's very nose. It's hard to describe the rest of the plot without going into spoilery detail (which I'll be doing in the next paragraph anyway . . .) but suffice to say, problems arise, relationships are formed, and Team Potter must go up against Voldemort and his Death Eaters- though ironically, Voldemort's ultimate fate owes more to the "love conquers all" theme which the books neglected and the musical effectively puts into use.

When I said in the first paragraph that the musical is an improvement on the books, I meant it. The plotting is much more streamlined (for one thing, the Trio doesn't spend months sitting in a tent, and actually condemns the seventh book's plot as "stupid") the characters more likeable, and the biggest problems with the book-

tokenism

,

Dumbledore's lecturing

,and the

delusions of grandeur

are removed in favour of canonical gay characters (the main couple is, in fact, gay, and Voldemort's redemption comes about from his affection for Quirrell- quite a divergence from Rowling's choiceless choices) a Dumbledore whose stupidity and blindness is repeatedly mocked, and a pervading knowledge that this is, in fact, a very silly story. For instance, Malfoy's conviction that there is a wizarding school called Pigfarts located on Mars and presided over by a talking lion turns out to be true; after all, how is it more ridiculous than the main concept of the franchise? The musical also addresses such all-important questions like:

How did Quirrell sleep with Voldemort on the back of his head?

Why did Dumbledore trust Snape, anyway?

What happens when two people who share one stomach get drunk?

In addition to lampshading the flaws and inconsistencies of the original series ("I just put anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anyone who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the rest can go wherever they want." "Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? . . . Well, can anyone tell me what

foreshadowing

is?") the musical can stand on its own as a creative product. The songs are entertaining and catchy - the fan favourite seems to be "Granger Danger", but my own is "Gotta Get Back To Hogwarts:"

We're sick of summer and this waiting around It's like we're sitting in the lost and found Don't take no sorcery For anyone to see how... We gotta get back to hogwarts We gotta get back to school We gotta get back to hogwarts Where everything is magic-cooooool Back to wizards and witches, and magical beasts To goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts It's all that I love, and it's all that I need at HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS I think I'm goin' back!

But of course none of the material would be entertaining without good actors to support it, and the cast rises admirably to the task. The three leads - Darren Criss as Harry, Joey Ritcher as Ron, and Bonnie Gruesen as Hermione - all bring the right balance of likeability and flaws to their roles, but it's the secondary characters who steal the show. I suspect that Joe Moses (Snape) is familiar with the Harry Potter fandom, because his Snape is a perfect parody of the fanon version, right down to his exaggerated purr of a voice. Joe Walker makes a truly hilarious Voldemort, especially given that he has to deliver lines like "Get me some Nasonex, you swine!" with a stright face (though I am surprised that his voice held out through five performances, given the amount of growling that was involved.) with Brian Rosenthal serving as his quieter, gentler (but no less funny) counterpart. Lauren Lopez as Malfoy steals every scene she's in, with her exaggerated accent and habit of rolling around the stage. Even Goyle, who barely has any lines, cracks the audience up every time he opens his mouth. While Britney Coleman, who plays Bellatrix, has caught some flak from YouTube commenters for being "irritating" she didn't really get on my nerves. The worst you can say of her is that she didn't leave any impression at all- and with a cast this good, less-than-perfect performances can easily be buried in their better counterparts.

All in all, the musical is recommended to anyone who has a passing familiarity with the HP canon. Honestly, it's a shame that this show can't make any money, being an unauthorized parody. It's really the only thing connected to Harry Potter that I wholeheartedly enjoy, one that actually earns it's tagline of "Totally awesome"Themes:

J.K. Rowling

,

Theatre

~

bookmark this with - facebook - delicious - digg - stumbleupon - reddit

~Comments (

go to latest

)

Wardog

at 11:03 on 2009-10-14Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, this is, in fact, *totally awesome*.

The hot female Malfoy is making me go wibbly.

permalink

-

go to top

Andy G

at 13:01 on 2009-10-14This is brilliant! I love every scene with Voldemort and Quirrell in particular.

permalink

-

go to top

Wardog

at 13:50 on 2009-10-14"Your plan to infilitrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly, my liege..." BEST LINE EVER!

permalink

-

go to top

Melissa G.

at 23:23 on 2009-10-14Loved it! Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

permalink

-

go to top

Viorica

at 01:54 on 2009-10-15Have you gotten to Voldemort's big tapdance number yet?

permalink

-

go to top

Jamie Johnston

at 21:28 on 2009-10-16Fab. Those kids deserve to go far.

But can someone explain to me the thing with Malfoy falling down and rolling around all the time? Bear in mind all I know about

Potter

comes from three of the films (1, 2, and 4, I think) and anything I've picked up from conversations and

Ferretbrain

articles.

permalink

-

go to top

Viorica

at 22:41 on 2009-10-16Honestly, I'm not really sure. I think it's just the actor being goofy.

permalink

-

go to top

Andy G

at 10:15 on 2009-10-17I saw it as being a bit of a spoof of femme fatales or female villains writhing round the stage in dance shows/musicals, rather than anything based around the books.

permalink

-

go to top

Melissa G.

at 16:54 on 2009-10-17I don't know. I kind of saw that as an exaggeration of how over the top Malfoy can be. It seemed somehow fitting to a caricature of his character.

permalink

-

go to top

http://mmmarcusz.livejournal.com/

at 23:57 on 2009-10-17I think it's meant as a reference to how Malfoy is always described as striking a pose ("lounging", "preening", etc.) and this is just an over-the-top extension of that. Also, was I the only one who found the Draco actress incredibly cute?

permalink

-

go to top

http://tabaquis.livejournal.com/

at 06:49 on 2009-10-19I adore a VHPM, which is great because I too have become completely tired of That Woman and Those Books being touted as any kind of coherent literature.

I do think the guy playing Snape was totally channeling Kevin MacDonald's "Simon" from Kids in the Hall though! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC4PjXNt2gw

permalink

-

go to top

Wardog

at 11:14 on 2009-10-20

I think it's meant as a reference to how Malfoy is always described as striking a pose ("lounging", "preening", etc.) and this is just an over-the-top extension of that. Also, was I the only one who found the Draco actress incredibly cute?

Yeah, that's what I thought as well.

And, yes, she is amazingly, wibble-inducingly hot. Me likey.

Also I notice the musical has a delightfully arch relationship with the fandom - so I think purring, rolling, lounging Malfoy was a nod to both the books and his typically depicated fandom persona.

permalink

-

go to top

Montavilla

at 01:58 on 2009-10-21So glad to see appreciation for this musical. I just loved it.

It's hard to say what makes Lauren Lopez so perfect as Malfoy, except everything. The ponchy accent, the constant posing, the way she's always trying (and failing) to get Harry's attention. Somehow Draco just *is* a 12-year-old girl.

And I liked Bellatrix. She's somewhat annoying with the screaming, but that is Bellatrix, and I love that they aren't being coy about her and Voldemort having a sexual relationship. It's only one of the ways in which the musical trumps the books.

I crack up everytime I think about her face when Voldemort sits on the desk. You can see that she's still trying to make it work--but she's kind of catching on to what he's really up to.

But *everyone* is so excellent. I showed this to some of mine and we all kept remarking on how perfectly perfect Cedric Diggory is. I love the entrance of Cho Chang and just that look that the Asian actress gives. It's almost her only moment in the whole show and she makes the most of it.

You can tell that the entire cast is having a great time playing their parts--and the audience is loving it as well. And that's what makes a great live performance.

permalink

-

go to top

http://for-diddled.livejournal.com/

at 21:08 on 2010-08-08Just thought you chaps might be interested to know that they've made a sequel, which can be found here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OepW-AG-Ris&feature=PlayList&p=86C718AEE71C9DE9&playnext=1&index=7

[benjaminwatchworld]

My review of the decade is kicking off my first blog of 2020, still debating if I should do a review of 2019 it’s self. Anyway, where to start is a bit of a problem but I have to write this and it’s supposed to be long but I will make it short since a few of my readers complain about the length of my write-ups.

I am going to do more of outlining those special events that happened this ending decade and will surely impact the starting decade. Will start with 2013 when Benedict XVI shocked the world in February when he became the first pope to resign in almost 600 years Which makes us a special generation to have been a life when that historical event happened. After the guys did the surprise announcement all the attention shifted so fast to the succession, and the election of the new Pope, Francis. In the next decade one question will maybe fully be answered, “why did Benedict quit?”

Before going to the rest of the world, my Uganda should come first, the decade has been doted by a raise of violence in the pearl of Africa some that were a result of political events since we hard two elections in there that were more of scripted unless in the last on the biggest opposition figure took the oath of office for presidency on his own inspiring Kenya an the likes of Venezuela where it seemed to have worked that side in the initial stages making Dr. Besigye more of a world experiment since his work to work events were more of a blueprint for the Arab spring. It’s laughable but sad, the cries of human rights violations with the talks of safe houses and torture as a mode of investigation, murders and assassinations have been trend of the decade which started with religious clerics then a judge and later there was an Amy office, a member of Parliament and two high ranking police officers all done in a MOSSAD style.

Let me speed through the bad ones but are their goods the oil production has still not yet started, middle-income delusion has not materialized. There are memorable ones, like Uganda making 50 years of independence, and hosting the biggest number of refugees in the world because of the instabilities that are around us, we have our brothers coming from South Sudan, Burundi, DRC and many from the Horn of Africa putting our hospitality to a whole new level that other countries are coming into a benchmark on our methods only that along the way the UN found out that the numbers were being exaggerated for some reason that would need there own blog.

In this ending decade, there a few sporting achievements that really united the county but the government seemed to learn nothing from the results of the events. In the 2012 London Olympics Uganda managed to get a Gold medal taking the country by storm since it was like 4 decades since it last happened, I was not there am not sure if it’s even true. Then again after about 3 decades the Uganda Cranes the National Football team qualified for the African Cup of Nations which to me is still a dream I have to wake up from. World Cup is not a statement related to Uganda but the She Cranes has been able to go for two world events in the last ten years. Those sports moments made Ugandans feel like one. The other event that made Uganda feel like it was not in a milky way was a political event, the second of the two presidential candidates debates before an election.

Moving to other things away from Uganda that will always be remembered about the decade which started with South Africa host the 2010 FIFA world cup on the continent for the first time. The aftermath of the seven resulted in the change of leadership at the Football organization because of serious crimes in how money was moving around.

The United States of America has a Russian agent as President am joking but the truth is that Donald Trump is the head of the Free world crazy just like the predicted end of the world in December 2012 but when you take a close look we are not far from a Mad max situation going to the next decade.

This decade has seen the most advancement in tech, can you believe it that before this ending decade there was no iPad first came out this decade, and many other companies joined the Apple revolution. When it first comes out, it was quite a special tech item but now we are using them to play Fruit Ninja. Companies like SpaceX, Boeing shaped a lot of the technology of the decade. Then come to the raid hailing apps for transport that in Uganda we even use them for boda bodas. Hybrid and fully electronic cars are no longer things for the future.

But with all the technological achievements it’s this decade when our phones track our every activity and location that a Malaysia Airlines passenger jet disappeared without a trace in early 2014, the fate of the plane and the 239 passengers and crew on board has become one of the biggest aviation mysteries. The missing plane captured the attention of millions around the world, triggering a multinational search and plenty of conspiracy theories. In the middle of last year, The Atlantic gave us a report of what could have happened the plane was likely intentionally crashed by the pilot which I don’t want to believe.

This decade has also been a roller coaster in the entertainment industry and for me my mark was boyhood but there was a whole range of movies, TV shows and music albums that will surely be classics. From 2012 to 2013 was truly the time of viral videos and Ylvis’ “The Fox” was truly the strangest one to ever become an internet hit. Then the Oscars Twelve years of Slaves was special for Africa because Lupita, the movement of Oscars are so white which I don’t feel was justified followed by Oscars are so male, I can’t imagine a woman or black person playing Hitler just saying. Leonardo finally got a win at the 88th Academy Awards in 2016 when he awarded Best Actor for his role in The Revenant, and I still believe he put upper a better show in The Wolf at Wall Street but the academy decided to give him an award for a role he barely sides anything all movie. This decade saw the end of Harry Potter and the Massive Game of Thrones a TV show that really had an impact on television history.

In the last decade, there has been some very nice Music coming from the likes of Adele, Ed screen, Beyonce, Sam Smith, Taylor Swift, Common and John Legend, Cold Play to the Renegades but the song of the decade fell from nowhere pictures a man doing horse-riding-like dance in July 2012 all the way from South Korea called Psy released a new song called Gangnam Style and it’s the only song on YouTube with a billion views.

It was that decade when The Harlem Shake happened in 2013, thousands of bizarre 30second versions of the “Harlem Shake” a dance set to the electronic song by DJ Baauer were being uploaded on the daily, from sports clubs to military men, to government officials.

What am I living out, sports a lot happened, from that World Cup in South Africa to Japan beating up South Africa in a rugby world cup tipping tables in the sport to the Golden State Warriors taking the NBA by storm but for me, my moment was Leicester City winning the English Premier League. It has become a turn of some sort we a now calling surprises “A Leicester City”.

About 19 million tweets kicked of the Me Too campaign leading to widespread awareness and discussion of the topic of sexual assault against women and have since then become a historic feminist movement, it’s another thing we can partly credit to the internet and technology.

It was that decade when the rainbow was everywhere in the world every single day after Same-sex marriage became legal in the U.S.A on June 26, 2015, it opened another door for LGBTQ+ Community in the whole world. So that past decade we were lucky to witness two royal weddings the one in 2011 and the last one in 2018 that seemed to be more special because many things about it rewrote human history.

In that last decade Hosni Mubarak of Egypt, Moammar Gadhafi of Libya, Ali Abdullah Saleh of Yemen and Zine El Abidine Ben Ali of Tunisia all went out of office in the same year in what came to be known as the Arab spring. Later down the decade, Omar Bashir of Sudan was overthrown a prior to him Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe also left office.

I will end with war in Syria, it’s a Civil war against the government of Assad, it’s a proxy war between Russia and America, it’s a religious war with between the Sunni and Shia Muslims who are backing a president from the Alwhyt side of Islam and its an international war against the self-proclaimed Caliphate called ISIS that has seen almost every nation on the planet get involved. Since 2011 the end is not yet in sight producing the greatest numbers of refugees since the Second world war making it the climax of the third world war generation. War is war.

The greatest thing of the decade is the awareness concerning climate change even if it has come at a very high cost at least for now everyone on the planet knows what we have got ourselves into going to the next 10 years.

I will end with a light one but it still fascinates me to this date. Never before has the world been so divided over something so simple as the color of a dress but that’s exactly what happened back in February 2015 when a picture of a dress originally posted on Tumblr suddenly went viral overnight. To me “The dress is gold and white”

That Decade My review of the decade is kicking off my first blog of 2020, still debating if I should do a review of 2019 it’s self.

[bnrobertson1]

No Hooch, Year Two: On Moby Dick and Meditation

To mark a second year of not drinking, I wanted to do something more substantial than last year’s Se7en-style “celebration” of engorging half a cake, so I decided to read Moby Dick. I’d never read Melville’s meditation on, well, everything*, but a confluence of Wiki-wormholes, a pandemic-limited social calendar, and a lifelong promise to myself to actually, you know, read it (as opposed to referencing it as though I had whilst defogging my monocle) merged at just the right time to propel me through the tome’s intimidating heft.

*It’d be pedantic horseshit to call it my new favorite book, but it’s The Greatest Novel I’ve Ever Read. I recommend it for its existence-sized ambition alone, although if you write things you will feel a little insignificant afterwards.

You know the story: fish eats man’s leg. Man, upset about the whole leg thing, pursues revenge at all costs. Between pages of the most Metal shit* ever put to page (articulated with Shakespearean grandeur, no less) a story of obsession is painted that is as powerful now as it was 170 years ago.

*Metal Gods Mastodon’s album Leviathan is an ode to the book, and does not exaggerate the intensity whatsoever

I’ll can it about Moby Dick- but for the purposes of this, one of the novel’s main themes is a suitable launch pad. Specifically, that of the seductive, destructive power of self-delusion. Drinking, for some- for me- fueled self-delusion like no other. Sure, the self-delusions at first were usually of the more harmless, if not exactly positive, variety- feelings that I was stronger/ more handsome/ more charming/ smarter/ funnier than I might actually be- in other words a confidence boost of debatable need. Alas, as has happened to far better than me, the self-delusions eventually began to take on a more negative tone, and that- eventually- is why I decided to take a break.

But self-delusions don’t just stop when the drinking does. Oh, they fester, alright, and morph into toxic self-trickeries. Delusions that relationships won’t significantly change*. Delusions that the fact you don’t constantly talk won’t come across to some as a sort of new holier-than-thou attitude. Delusions that others care about your own well-being as much as you should. Delusions that warp themselves into useless mental narratives that in retrospect feel more at home in a bad sitcom than real life. They eat at your mind like termites, chewing through ladders of progress like driftwood. 

*As someone who responded to others abstaining from alcohol with cynical, if sarcastic, grumblings along the lines of “I don’t trust people who don’t drink,” I really understand both sides. The funny (and perhaps hypocritical) thing is I still kind of don’t.

I decided to place the blame for all my woes at booze’s tasty, awesome feet, thinking like (sorry, one more MD ref) Ahab that if I slayed my White Whale, all would be solved. I’d convinced myself that the only thing keeping me from bliss was just that one hurdle- perma-happiness merely required snatching the fermented fly from my ointment. I had convinced myself that my many, many flaws would evaporate like the corn squeezins from my skin and other organs and that the world would regain some lost, heavenly harmony once I put the bottle down.

Of course, this turned out to be utterly false. My the relief of my newfound quasi-clarity proved to be almost narcotic in its power, constructing a pride that blinded me to my own complexities. In fact, alcohol had helped me a lot more in life than I wanted to give it credit for- it made my quirks less rigid and my tolerance for pretty much everything far, far higher. To call it a mere “social lubricant” seems to minimize its profound (albeit ranging) effect on my personality. 

Alcohol filled a void in my life that I just assumed would be replaced with light and good tidings once I stopped. And while other substances, concerts, Stereolab vinyl, the first three books of Knausgaard’s My Struggle, and sunrise exercise did do a bang-em-up job filling that emptiness at a slightly-higher-minded level, in truth a lot of the hurt I was trying to avoid by not drinking was more than happy to wait and sharpen its knives while I fooled myself into thinking I’d figured it all out. Anxiety- while not nearly as bad as it was in my hungover/drinking days- would still spread and pop in my veins at the mere scent of confrontation or reckoning, like an oil site aching for a cracked pipe. Even though I was doing good things for my physical and mental health, I wasn’t really grappling with some of the things that drove me to alcohol in the first place. But that’s a topic more appropriately discussed with a certain person I pay a (non-prostitute) hourly rate every other week. 

Hungry for a reprieve from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I found myself doing deep dives into literature and music that would heighten some of my experiences with some of the aforementioned substances. Another self-deception? Sure, but in concert with a slightly clearer head, this one actually produced something positive when it led me to stumble upon Jamie Wheal and Steven Kotler’s life-altering Stealing Fire. A book about elevated planes of consciousness, “flow” states, and how they can vastly improve lives, the book- as well as David Lynch’s Catching the Big Fish- coincided with an intellectual superior’s suggestion to get me to try- of all things- meditation. 

I freely admit this was not easy for me to do, as I have found “earthy” folk to be some of the most obnoxious on the planet for most of my life. But my desperation for some sort of lasting change led me to get over my stereotypical assumptions about the cliche meditator (and the fear of being associated with their soft-spoken, vowel-loving kind) and give the meditation app Calm a go. I felt results immediately, even in a period where outside forces seemed to be conspiring to obliterate my ego. Long story short*, taking time for mindfulness provided refuge in a real motherfucker of a year, and would eventually lead to a daily Transcendental Meditation practice and a peace of mind I hadn’t ever encountered and for which I will be eternally grateful.

*Yes, this is the abridged version.   

Meditation taught me humility, appreciation, and clarity by slowing down my relentless thoughts- something I once thought an asset- and gave me the new lens of equanimity through which to see the world. The humility* to realize I wasn’t the “most” or ‘best” anything in the world, nor would I ever be, but I wasn’t the “least” or “worst”* either**. I began to appreciate kindness as a form of a most pure, dynamic courage, not the bi-product of some bland weakness. Finally, a heightened concentration gave me the clarity to see a lot of those self-delusions for what they were, well-intentioned self-defense mechanisms that’d gotten warped and lost their way. Being exposed for what they were, they just kind of went away. The culmination of these teachings gave me the foreign feeling that while I still have a lot- like a stupid amount- of work to do, I actually kind of like myself.

*Another excellent teacher of humility has been picking up my mom’s dog’s shit every morning for the last few months. Few things will make you reflect like a dog making direct eye contact with you as she, as my mom puts it, “does her business.”

**Sure, I knew these things at a lip service level but to actually realize them was due to meditation.

But it’s not all good. Some relationships got stronger- others rusted- others crumbled. Some of my flaws that had been dulled by alcohol or good ol’ fashioned neurosis grew pointy again.  All of this probably would have happened had I been drinking, albeit in more dramatic fashions. Life- at times- seemed insistent that I pick up the bottle to smooth some rough patches both personal and universal. 

I didn’t not drink because I was strong, or disciplined. But- for the first time in a long time- the sheer terror of total relapse wasn’t the cause for my not drinking either. I abstain because I’ve got enough shit to sift through and frankly I’ve come to kind of like my edges, plus I find just thinking about being hungover to be exhausting. 

(That said, I promise if I pick up the bottle between now and the next of these over-shares, I will exhaustively report back, much like I think people who post outrageous amounts of wedding photos on social media should be legally obligated to also post subsequent divorce papers.)

I’ve started to see my faults as something to be worked on, not a damnation- or something to be blindly defended, for that matter. Meditation has taught me that change isn’t just possible- it’s constant whether you want it to be or not. I miss a lot of who I was, but I certainly don’t miss the way I felt, and embracing the now only sharpens that appreciation. There has been pain and will be bad days, but the alternative simply doesn’t appeal to me anymore. I don’t laugh as much but I smile a lot more.

I’ll close with what you may have been thinking- why write this? The first reason should be self-evident: to get some hot, hot ass.* But for realsies, I share this because writing helps me give what I referred to last year as “the abyss” some semblance of shape. What was once the void is just now a really big, fucking mountain of labyrinthine design. And while not feeling understood has always been an issue of mine, so I genuinely appreciate it if you made it this far, its really the posting itself that’s the point. Secondly, I find the stigmatization of those with mental health issues, while much improved in recent years, to be one of the biggest plagues on modern society. Although I don’t live anything resembling a sweet life, I feel being brutally honest is at least my way of trying to combat that. Thirdly, I wanted to impress you with the fact I read Herman Melville’s 1851 classic Moby Dick**. Now, if you’ll excuse me the 2/5 of cake I’m staring at isn’t going to eat itself...

*Every blog’s raison d’etre 

** Great book!

[vsplusonline]

Mental illness goes viral

New Post has been published on https://apzweb.com/mental-illness-goes-viral/

Mental illness goes viral

For four days after Prime Minister Narendra Modi announced a nationwide lockdown on March 24, Preeti Borkar* barely got out of bed. The 46-year-old Mumbai-based English teacher didn’t want to eat or speak. “Ever since I heard that COVID-19 had reached India, I started getting panic attacks. It was getting difficult for me to breathe, and that being a COVID symptom, I thought I had contracted it,” she says. “I kept thinking of what would happen if one of my family members contracted the virus; that we would be dumped in some hospital on a dirty bed and I would be left all alone to die.” Soon enough, she imagined she had fever and a sore throat. Having been in therapy since 2005 for depression, Borkar knew she needed medical intervention. She sought out a psychiatrist who gave her a new prescription which helped alleviate her symptoms.

Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty of Mumbai’s Dr L.H. Hiranandani Hospital feels the COVID-19 outbreak can be particularly difficult for the likes of Borkar, patients who already suffer a mental health affliction: “There is a sudden sense of shock, fear of death or separation from family.” Weeks into the lockdown, we now even have evidence of otherwise ‘healthy’ people exhibiting signs of anxiety and depression that resemble pathological symptoms. For those with existing diagnoses, COVID is that very kind of stressor doctors often ask them to guard against.

SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM

Bengaluru’s National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) last tried to survey the Indian mental health landscape in 2015-2016. According to its findings, 13.7 per cent of India’s population suffered mental illnesses. And while 30 million Indians had access to the country’s mental health infrastructure, 120 million others had been ignored.

In India, the demand for mental healthcare has always far exceeded its supply. By making impossible access to even the few mental health practitioners in the country, COVID-19 has not just revealed the tragedies of our mental health crisis, but also exacerbated it. A week into the lockdown, the Indian Psychiatry Society estimated our mentally ill population had grown by 20 per cent. If true, we have a second, quieter pandemic to battle.

Psychiatrist Dr Aniruddha Deb points out that in India, “a majority of the service for the psychiatric population is provided by non-government sources”. To try and fill that gap in West Bengal, Dr Deb helps runs Mon (Bengali for mann, or mind), a psychiatric nursing home in Kolkata. Within days of the lockdown, Dr Deb and his colleagues had to close down their in-patient services. “We usually have only nine to 10 patients, but to look after them, we need a staff of about 25. Our food providers were finding it impossible to procure food for all of them,” says Dr Deb. “It is also very difficult to make psychiatric patients understand the importance of physical distancing and hand washing. Very often it is also difficult to manage a patient without close contact.” While Mon’s nine psychiatrists and six psychologists have entrusted families and relatives with the care of their patients, they are running a skeletal emergency service, responding to five to eight calls a day.

ON FEAR AND LOATHING

Tannika Majumdar Batra, 35, a Kolkata-based freelance graphic artist, was diagnosed with bipolarity, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in 2012. She is trying hard not to think of her financial future: “As a freelancer, we have nothing now, and the uncertainty of work affects my anxiety levels.” Though presently not on any medication, she says, “I’m trying to be okay, but the paranoia from my PTSD has been severe.” Batra is afraid of dealing with deliverymen. Days, when her husband takes his mother to the hospital for her dialysis, are particularly difficult. “I fear for my cats, my husband, my brother. I am afraid that, suddenly, something is going to happen to one of them,” says Batra, one of the first mental health advocates to have detailed her mental health history on social media.

The possibility of death and disease is often exaggerated by minds that are already in turbulence. Hypochondriacs, in particular, internalise ideas such as persecution and social vengeance somewhat easily. Knowing this fact well, Sandip Chaudhuri* has tried hard to protect his hypochondriac father from COVID-19 news. “We are not taking newspapers and switch on the TV rarely, but seeing people in masks is enough to make Baba cringe,” he says. Though Chaudhuri and his family wash their hands and dry masks on the terrace, his father has seen enough to develop his theories of conspiracy and biological warfare.

Delusions, a common effect of stress, are also a symptom that often defines the manic highs of bipolar patients. Dr Shetty speaks of a young man whose diagnosis of bipolarity confirmed itself a few days after the COVID-19 outbreak made headlines. “He started imagining that he is responsible for the COVID-19 crisis and that he had special powers to resolve it.” Two other patients of Dr Shetty developed suicidal tendencies, saying that “they would rather kill themselves than die of COVID-19”.

The news can, of course, precipitate delusions and paranoia, but Dr Deb says editorialisation of facts matters, too. “When you blame a particular community for the spread of a disease, specific phobias become active,” he says. Schizophrenics, for instance, are already prone to paranoia, and by implying that a disease is being spread deliberately, “you amplify their fears”. The psychiatrist says he is witnessing an unfortunate resurgence: “People who were well for a couple of years are suddenly going berserk, sure someone will attack them.”

SILVER LININGS SCRAPBOOK

During the lockdown, video-conferencing has proved a boon for many who can now speak to their therapists online, but Dr Vinod Kumar, psychiatrist and head of Mpower Centre in Bengaluru, says “online interactions can be helpful, but not as gratifying as real-life ones.”

On April 3, Mpower, an organisation that works with people with mental health concerns, launched a helpline to help alleviate COVID-related anxiety. Already having seen more than 4,000 people call in, Dr Kumar says, “Any kind of disruption to normal lives—unemployment, relationship troubles, domestic violence—is going to lead to increased stress levels, and this needs to be addressed. But the biggest trauma is perhaps being experienced by those who have either contracted the virus or lost a loved one to it. These experiences can lead to chronic PTSD.”

Other practitioners are trying hard to look at the bright side. Dr Shetty says he saw a clinically depressed patient lose his symptoms after the pandemic broke: “He suddenly showed a lot of resolve and took charge of family responsibilities. His depression suddenly seemed to fade away.” Dr Deb talks about how people’s loneliness might be alleviated by the sudden proximity of family members. “People who are obsessed about washing their hands might find comfort in the fact that everyone else is now washing their hands, too,” he says. Batra, for her part, says, “When I first started recovering in 2015, I began enjoying my solitude. It helped me understand myself. I’ve been taking one day at a time since. I’m happy that everyone else now seems to be doing the same.”

with Aditi Pai and Romita Datta

*names changed on request

Get real-time alerts and all the news on your phone with the all-new India Today app. Download from

Source link

[sarahburness]

Why I Was Addicted to Attention, Lies, and Drama

I’ve done a lot of things for attention that I’m not proud of. I’ve created drama. I’ve bragged. I’ve exaggerated. I’ve hurt people. I’ve hurt myself. I’ve lied and lied and lied.

No one wants to be labeled as an “attention seeker.” When people say, “She’s just doing it for attention,” they don’t mean it as a compliment. I knew this. And I knew that people said these things about me.

And still, I couldn’t stop.

I spend a lot of time around animals, especially cats. It’s easy to see which ones have experienced starvation. They have constant anxiety about food. They meow and meow when it’s feeding time. They scarf their portions down without breathing. If the bowl is left full, they’ll eat whatever’s there—even if it’s a week’s worth of food!

I was that cat with attention. I could never get enough.

But compulsive behaviors aren’t about what we’re consuming. Attention seeking isn’t about attention. Food addiction isn’t about food. Really, it’s about control.

When you’ve been starved of something, you develop a fear of losing it. You begin to cling to every morsel of what you’re desperately afraid to live without. Survival mode.

That’s what it was like for me: constant survival mode. I felt like, at any moment, I was going to be abandoned, left alone, forgotten. I fought to be noticed. Fought to be heard. Fought to be “loved.”

But despite my constant attention-seeking efforts, I never got what I truly wanted. I never felt loved for exactly who I was because I never showed her to anyone! I showed the world the person I thought it wanted to see, and I used other people as characters in my personal drama.

So that is the biggest irony: because I was so desperately hungry for love, I couldn’t have it. Because I so deeply craved attention, I repelled people away from me. Then, these experiences reaffirmed my biggest fear: there wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. So I’d grasp more, cling more, lie more.

Too often, people talk about attention seeking like it’s a character flaw. I see it as an addiction.

When we’re trying to fill a love-sized hole, it doesn’t matter what we’re trying to stuff into it: drugs, money, alcohol, approval, sex. If it’s not love, it won’t truly satisfy us. We’ll keep wanting more and more.

My journey of healing my attention-seeking patterns has been long and painful. One of the most painful things has been realizing that most people weren’t reacting to me the way I thought they were.

I used to brag loudly in public, imagining people around me admiring and envying me. Now, I realize that most of them were either ignoring me or annoyed by my antics.

I used to stretch every accomplishment, imagining people respecting me. If it was two, I’d say five. If it was 100, I’d say 300. If it was one minute, I’d say an hour. Now, I realize that most people either didn’t believe me or used my lies to reinforce their own insecurities.

I used to make a tragedy out of every pain and a drama out of every inconvenience, imagining people pitying me. Now, I know that most people either felt stuck in the cloud of toxicity that surrounded me (because of their own unhealed traumas), or they avoided that cloud like the plague.

The world, I’ve discovered, isn’t quite the place I thought it was.

I was so busy talking and talking, lying and lying, that I never sat down just to listen. And that is what helped me heal: looking within myself, looking around me, and embracing reality.

Attention seeking, for me, was a kind of self-protection. On my journey of healing myself, I’ve found that self-love and self-protection aren’t the same thing. I had to remove my armor and my mask. I had to face the truth.

Beneath my defense mechanisms, I found a fragile, wounded part of me that was traumatized by childhood experiences—by emotional starvation. But this part of me wasn’t fragile because of the wounds I incurred as a kid. It was fragile because I tried to protect it.

After I got hurt, I tried to hide myself away. I tried to create an elaborate fantasy world to protect myself from rejection and abandonment. I piled layers and layers of bandages on top of my wounds, but wounds need air to heal. I tried to keep myself safe, but I ended up suffocating myself instead.

I wasn’t lying and creating drama “just for attention.” I was doing it to survive. I was grasping for scraps of approval to replace my desperate hunger for real love, for authenticity, for happiness.

On the outside, it seemed like I wanted other people’s attention. That’s what I thought I needed too. But what I really needed was to pay attention—to be able to just exist in each moment without struggling. To be able to look at myself without running away. To look at people without being afraid of them. To have peace of mind.

Maybe you know someone who’s stuck in these patterns. Maybe that someone is you. However this applies to you, I hope to communicate one important thing: attention seeking is a symptom of a bigger cause.

It’s not something to be dismissed. It’s also not something to be judged and criticized. It’s something to be accepted, understood, unraveled, and forgiven.

Healing these patterns takes time. Every step along the way, it’s been difficult for me to invite reality to replace my delusions. It’s been hard to allow myself to be raw and open instead of trying to protect myself from pain.

But this healing journey has also allowed me to enjoy real affection: from myself and from others. And that has been worth all the hard work.

About Vironika Tugaleva

Like every human being, Vironika Tugaleva is an ever-changing mystery. At the time of writing this, she was a life coach, digital nomad, and award-winning author of two books (The Love Mindset and The Art of Talking to Yourself). She spent her days writing, dancing, singing, running, doing yoga, going on adventures, and having long conversations. But that was then. Who knows what she’s doing now? Keep up at www.vironika.org.

Web | Twitter | Facebook | More Posts

Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

The post Why I Was Addicted to Attention, Lies, and Drama appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/addicted-attention-lies-and-drama/