#also tumblr KILLED my quality. SOBBING

[lukasdoodles]

I just really like drawing her....colorful......

[williamrikers]

you're making me consider watching those east asian (korean? japanese?) romantic tv shows you watch. do you have any recommendations for someone who tried to watch one (1) k-drama once (1x) and quickly stopped because the genre conventions were very different from what i was used to and that made it take more energy than i was expecting. (was expecting a typical romantic comedy plot like i'm used to and like, i think it was a typical romantic comedy plot but just like, not western)

like, is there a show that's relatively easy to get into? did i get unlucky with that one k-drama (and my own capacity for adjustment in that moment)?

also something that can help me watch stuff is episode summaries to read beforehand, if you're the kind of person who reads episode summaries sometimes and if so, do you have a recommendation for where to read them?

if this ask feels like work to you, please don't answer it. but if this feels like a nice chance to get someone into a thing you're into, i'd love to hear your recommendations

also i'm guessing they don't speak english in thesee shows, nor dutch, so like, would the first result on google for "show name watch free online" typically have good subtitles or are there things to watch out for or look for?

hi bestie, thank you so much for sending me this ask! i'm really happy to hear that my obsession has made you want to check out what the fuss is all about 😍 i've been almost exclusively watching shows from thailand for the past few months, and i'll gladly recommend some! (as for the episode summaries thing, i'm sorry i can't help you, i never read stuff like that.)

many of these shows are free to watch on youtube, and they usually come with english subtitles of varying quality. lately, gmmtv shows have had really amazing translations, but you need to be a bit forgiving with some of the older shows and shows made by other studios.

that said, let's get into the recommendations!

personally, i started this journey with kinnporsche the series (2022, 14 episodes), but that's like being dropped into the ocean from 500 feet above ground with no warning and expected to stay alive by any means necessary. the experience was absolutely amazing and 100% life-changing for me, and i've been showing kp to as many of my irl friends as possible because in my opinion, everyone should watch it, but as a first foray into thai bl it is... a LOT. (if that sounds intriguing to you, message me privately about where to watch it.)

however, here are some other suggestions in case you want to ease into the whole thing:

are you into comedy?

bad buddy (2021, 12 episodes) free to watch on youtube

this one became an instant classic and has a HUGE fandom here on tumblr. two college students have a shared history as the kids of two families who hate each other, and have been made to compete in everything since childhood... however, what their parents didn't plan for was the two of them falling in love. amazing chemistry between the main couple, will make you ugly cry.

my school president (2022, 12 episodes) free to watch on viki

super sweet romcom about a group of school friends who are in a band and are trying to win a battle of the bands type competition. the main love story is cute, heartfelt and very moving and you're going to end up wanting to adopt all of the kids.

care for some higher heat?

only friends (2023, ongoing) free to watch on youtube

if you want to get into something that's currently airing with a vibrant and active fandom, try only friends. everyone is problematic, morality is for losers, it's incredibly erotic, it's been three episodes and almost all of the main characters have already had sex scenes. plot what plot/insane college friend group without plot.

in case you would like to sob uncontrollably:

laws of attraction (2023, ongoing) free to watch on youtube

a man's niece is killed in a car accident that might actually be a murder. said man hires an unhinged lawyer to investigate. still airing (final episode will air on saturday), WILL twist your heart in such a way that you're probably going to need therapy. insanely heated chemistry between the main pairing, absolutely incredible acting from film thanapat.

moonlight chicken (2023, 8 episodes) free to watch on youtube

a poor restaurant owner is struggling dealing with raising his nephew, his own trauma and the pressures of capitalism. also, some guy he slept with keeps hanging around his restaurant because he wants to teach him to love again. this show makes you feel pain but it always hands you a cup of hot chocolate and caresses your back right after. aftercare for the viewer done right.

free philosophy classes wanted?

not me (2021, 14 episodes) free to watch on youtube

local group of gay anarchists are trying to bring a capitalist to justice. they discuss the concepts of justice and morality at length. what exactly is the power of art? if the law is unjust, then how to define justice? and how can we change the world for the better? made by a trans woman, a must-watch in the genre.

be my favorite (2023, 12 episodes) free to watch on youtube

what does it mean to live a good life? how can we ever know what choices to make? what if you could go back and change the things you did wrong? very gentle, compassionate and kind storytelling. this is my personal favorite bl after kinnporsche and about as far from kinnporsche storytelling-wise as anything could possibly get.

why not go for the classics?

until we meet again (2019, 17 episodes) free to watch on youtube

two college students discover they have a soulmate bond and get flashes of memory from their previous lives, making one of them incredibly traumatized as they try to find out what really happened back then. this one is truly a classic bl: filmed on a potato, atrocious audio quality, trope-heavy. however, the way this show manages to sneak up on you and threaten your entire life is unparalleled and i'm still not over those final two episodes.

he's coming to me (2019, 8 episodes) free to watch on youtube

this one is a hidden gem. there's almost no fandom for it on here but it's a show that i can recommend wholeheartedly. a guy falls in love with a ghost he keeps seeing in the cemetery and tries to help him unravel the secret of his violent death. features a whole bunch of actors who are now considered veterans/heavy hitters.

i hope this was helpful! message me if you have any more questions 😊

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sorry for all the harry potter posting in 2021…. but like….. reflecting on just how dark the later books were/are, why on earth did every harry potter fan always romanticise having a movie marathon with the movies??? like yeah, it’s basically what i’ve been doing for the last few weekends staying at my sister’s on my own…. and since i’ve been awake this morning, i’ve gone through ootp, hbp and deathly hallows part 1 so far….. and like…… these movies, to me, aren’t really made for marathon watching/binge watching in a sense….. due to the heavy subject matter imo. they’re made to be standalone (although part of a series) viewed movies one by one, not back to back to back in succession; when there’s just so many incredibly substantial themes like death and obviously racism, systemic corruption etc etc. to be thought about while watching.

like of course everyone is going to say that im reading far too deeply into this and that the hp books and movies are trash….. but like the constant romanticisation in the 2000s and early 2010s of wanting to do harry potter marathons as if they were as cutesy and happy go-lucky as romcoms…. or simply just as lighthearted kids movies backed by whimsy and fuzzy feelings back in the day, was just so fucking backward.

like obvs since im older now, i can see that harry was abused by petunia & vernon for example. and by reading other teen fiction (specifically aussie YA fiction series’ tomorrow when the war began series and the ellie chronicles trilogy); harry’s horrible dreams/flashbacks of cedric before/after he was killed in goblet of fire is a symptom of PTSD (which i read in harry potter essays in uni when i did i philosophy essay on epistemic injustice in ootp in the courtroom scene). i can actually see how harry is being used as a pawn by dumbledore in his master plan. and obvs in analysing these things im putting my apparently “useless” arts degree in english and philosophy to use lmao. and of course as kids, we either ignored those themes or never picked up on them because they went straight over our heads.

on this bent then, another YA movie series that is NOT made for binge watching is the hunger games. which i found out to my own kind of detriment last year….. considering that i had never bothered to read the books back when they were popular past the titular namesake hunger games book (and had also forgotten all the early 2010s tumblr posts about how dark it was)…. while deciding to watch all the movies til catching fire part 1 in a binge watch sesh in the middle of 2020. the binge watch sesh was also spurred on by the book about young president snow that came out in 2020 lol.

so last year, when i finally decided to watch hunger games, i could actually understand and contemplate the political ramifications of katniss’s & peeta’s behaviour and defiance… which was something that i completely brushed off while it was hugely popular in the early 2010s because it was “too political”…… while i utterly denied the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS major political undertones and themes in harry potter because i was so obsessed with it….. but I obvs was most specifically preoccupied with what hogwarts house i’d be in lmao and whether i was more like hermione/luna/ginny or a mix of all of them. like yeah. it was so backward.

of course, the HP movies do have a bingeable quality to them; but my god. from really goblet of fire onwards, they’re heavy as fuck and really don’t need to be binged back to back in succession….. like you can do with how i met your mother or Loki eps in terms of tv shows. or idek, for movies, old rom-com faves like suddenly 30/13 going on 30 or rom-coms starring sandra bullock (bc they’re some of my faves)…. or teen indie comedy faves like juno or napoleon dynamite.

bc harry potter at it’s core, is a war story, more obviously from the end of GOF til the end of the series. it’s heavy, it’s dark, and emotionally devastating (for me when i was younger obvs). in some scenes, such as when harry returns with cedric’s dead body in GOF and it’s backed by the cheery marching band music but then drowned out by fleur’s scream and amos diggory dramatically scream sobbing “MY BOOOOOY!!! MY SOOON!!! MY BOY IS DEAD!!!!” (which as a kid i used to laugh incredibly inappropriately at every bloody time i watched it)…. but NOW??? THE PAIN! THE SUFFERING! THE TURMOIL! which is finally paired with the sad score music and camera panning out from the tri-wizard cup school stadium??? oh! i am but torn asunder by it all (okay not really, but i feel amos’s pain more acutely and i can shed a tear or two is the point here). and speaking of GOF, it’s pretty sad that over the years, it’s always been reduced to “C A L M L Y” and hermione’s yule ball dress being pink instead of blue bc of both the real and supposed lack of book to film accuracy…. when there’s obvs more important things to focus on lol.

bc literally one of the most horrifying scenes in the gof movie for me, in retrospect, is voldemort being reborn???? and wormtail sacrificing his own hand to get that essentially cursed silver hand that ends up strangling him to death in DHP1. and also david tennant’s albeit very disappointingly short appearances as barty crouch jr???? that was good casting. and also the incredibly fucked up storyline in GOF of BCJ imprisoning the real mad eye moody in moody’s own enchanted chest for his hair for polyjuice potion???? it hit me last week again (bc it hit me in 2020 when i reread the series with audiobooks as well) just how ridiculously FUCKED UP and BATSHIT that ENTIRE storyline really was. and i read and watched that???? and was fine with it at 10 years old???? jesus christ lmao.

okay. i went a bit off topic and overboard. but y’all get what i mean??? it’s so weird that an entire generation romanticised a YA series that was essentially about a war in its later instalments (and obvs a full blown one by deathly hallows) as some cutesy marathonable story bc it was/is so whimsical and its filled with childhood memories. but in doing it myself over the last few weeks, it’s just not. it was definitely one of the heftiest book series for kids/teens back then. but also for the movies, aside for their run times mostly all being close to 3hrs long, they’re quite emotionally charged and are astonishingly dark & dense in subject matter/themes for a KIDS movie series for the backend of the series. and mostly the only reason it’s “marathonable” in a sense, is because we all know the story so well.

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

[mrskurono]

Hi Three! I don’t know if Rae told you but a lot happened to me in October and I ended up taking a “break” from Tumblr for a while. But I’m back! I realized I miss going on both of your blogs T_T Thanks for remembering me <3 This is my favorite time of the year so I love the festive theme!

That’s such a great idea! I definitely need to get Bokuto all sizes of our photos. Why didn’t I think he’d put the photos everywhere?!? Also, I’m cracking up thinking of him crying but I know I’d probably cry too. I love my sweet owl! Thanks for understanding where I’m coming from for Iwazumi’s gift! I really felt that quality time would be his love language. I just want him to be relaxed lol

Aww, you and Kageyama are so cute! Yes, I can see him liking whatever you get him. He’s definitely grateful and appreciate all types of gifts! The engraved ring is such an amazing way to propose though! I love it! Kageyama would be so confused but adorable when he realizes he’s engaged to you hehe

I don’t want to bombard you with too many asks but I started watching Fire Force last week and I’m obsessed with Obi! 😍 I don’t know if I can say I really selfship but I can only imagine being married to him and his gift being a sonogram of our child. But I think Obi would spoil me rotten because that man just seems like he’d take care of his significant other so well!

-😊 anon

I did not but breaks and shit are never a problem. I know I go long periods without really focusing on anything but myself and limiting input for my mental health so worry not! I'm just glad you're well and pls don't ever apologize for that kind of thing, personal wellness comes first <3

Bokuto and the pictures killed me bc I just see him as that dude who whips out his wallet and it unfolds to a comical amount of pics shoved into a tiny little wallet. And he just goes into grand detail to explain everything about each one of them bc he's just so excited. And Iwa is an only child with like, fairly functioning parental figures throughout his life so I can probably safely agree that the "getting him flashy things" doesn't suit him much since he probably never really went without and lived comfortably. But your time and attention? That's something he cherishes and doesn't need a price tag tacked onto it to make it special. He just wants to be with you especially during holidays and such.

Once again Kageyama stealing my heart over anyone else in hq. Probably why I snuggle with my kags doll nightly and not anyone else 😂

Yay!!! Another unsuspecting fool sucking into the Fire Force series!!! It's really terrific I swear even if you choose to read the manga it's so fucking good.

And Obi is undeniably likable! He's not my type but I adore him and his importance to the story. Plus he's an Aires like me and I just wanna be fucking jacked like that too 😔 RIP I'll never be 6'2 and built like a fucking brick building.

But also 100% surprising Obi with a pregnancy. He even mentions about realizing he's old enough to have kids. And he's got big dad energy. Man would sob and worship the ground you walk on if you pulled that one him.

[squiddlysquoo]

This Just In: Sad Trans Guy Finally Experiences True Joy

Based on that one vine about ketchup (at 19:01 here)

[bxttenbound-archive]

Weird no my little anon is a message for you mun, you turned someone who could be redeemed into a snobby pompous ass. Much like duke in fact how you portray her is much like duke , arrogant pompous and pretty much thinking she’s untouchable, like she’s little miss perfect . I’ve watched the series and I felt her pain even as she became a shadow of her former self, however seeing you portray this side of her makes me sick. No redeeming qualities at all , mark my words one day someone is gonna put you and your muse in their place.

Last thing your muse is not a vampire she just a fucking thrall , she wasn’t born a vampire all she did was take the cane . A cane which imbued her , her powers and vampirism go away when she loses the cane , like a drug addiction she can’t stop using it as well her hatred towards duke. Before you write a response to this look through your tumblr messages , and tell me you didn’t portray your muse as stuck up or pompous .

My dude, you understand Missi is *not supposed to be a good person*

While I normally do not spoil things that Daria has said on her Patreon, Missi and Duke are supposed to be *equally bad people* as Daria has stated. Neither of them is supposed to be a “good guy” in any of this. Like life, it isn’t that simple.

I play Missi as someone who is confident in her skills because she knows exactly how powerful she truly is. Without pulling any punches Missi should technically be much more powerful than Duke and in my opinion she shouldn’t have “lost” her Showdown. Losing her eye was something of a spur of the moment and we have seen that Missi can do great acts of magic (such as giving life to inanimate objects, and resurrecting the dead) which if she thought to take someone like Duke, whom she already had killed once, seriously she could have ended it before it started. It makes sense she would be blinded by her confidence and not take Duke seriously because she already has beaten him before and he has, in her opinion, no chance of beating her. Losing her eye was a reminder of how she can’t let her guard down to any threat, no matter how insignificant it may be.

Missi has a right to be arrogant and full of herself because she went from a helpless victim to a powerful vampire who has studied and learned magic to improve her life and get revenge on the man who hurt her.

And here’s also a hint: 

She has nothing she needs to redeem herself for.

Has she gone overboard with her revenge on Duke? Of course, who wouldn’t want to go to such extents when they had been traumatized by what he had done. If you could look your abuser in the eye, kill him, take all of his riches, and then bring him back only to watch him suffer a miserable life all because of you, wouldn’t you? Many people who cannot cope with what have happened to them lash out in Anger. Missi is still in that stage where while confident in her skills she is blinded by anger for what Duke had done to her.

In-Canon she has literally done nothing but kill a vampire, and resurrect him. I may go overboard with how ‘evil’ she has become because I can see Missi being completely consumed by her rage and trauma she pushed herself further and further away from Humanity due to her own mental instability. Even in my change to the canon, Missi is still very much “redeemable” if you want to put it like that, but she isn’t going to bend her will so easily and change her course because of a few pretty words or a kiss on the cheek. If someone, or a muse, wants to help try and steer her away from her current path they very much could but it will take a lot of effort and I’m not going to make it easy due to just how traumatized she has become and how much she has gone through to get where she is now.

Duke is full of himself because he is narcissistic, Missi is full of herself because she actually has skills and had done great feats many other humans couldn’t do.

As for her being a vampire, I know IN CANON she is not technically a full vampire but here’s another fun fact: She very well could be. Duke himself wasn’t “born a vampire” and you do not need to be “born a vampire” to become one. If you knew anything about vampires, they can be created by magic although it is not a traditional way of doing so, it is very possible. My interpretation of the character is that during The Silent, she had completely, and willingly, threw away her humanity because she was so dead-set on making her abuser suffer. Emotions will not always cause people to act rationally and I can see someone who is as mentally unstable as Missi succumbing to completely allowing the magic to permanently corrupt her soul and body so she will never have to be reminded of the weak human self she used to be and no one will be able to take advantage of her again. It is an unhealthy coping mechanism for sure, but I am not going to make it kiddy-friendly and say she can go back to normal now after everything that’s happened.

Missi made her choice, and now she has to permanently live with the  consequences. If anything her becoming a vampire truly does doom her in some aspects and make her have *real consequences* to the actions. I find it, a bit stupid to think that she can just leave whenever she wants to like everything she had gone through didn’t have a lasting impact on her.

I do still show how much Duke has impacted her, and how much she still suffers through the choices she made. I do not let her get off scot-free for everything she has done and I don’t expect her to be given special treatment from other muses when she acts the way she does.

If you actually looked at my blog and understood characters and what she has gone through it makes sense as to why she would act the way she does. Missi has conqured her abuser She learned magic beyond what a normal human could She has mastered the art of basic magic and advanced Necromancy

And if you need further convincing, in canon she mastered these things WITHIN MONTHS. I personally do not believe a human could learn such advanced magic within the span of a few months which is why I say it took her a few years to do so especially since she had no prior knowledge of Satanic magic and such things.

My views and how I play Missi are my interpretations. If you wish to make your own version of an 18 year old child who is a basic sob-story victim be my guest but Missi will not allow her abuse to control her life and make her submissive to anyone. She will continue to be the badass vampire who is confident in herself regardless because she knows she can be better and has proven to be better than the person who had started this whole mess.

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

[theclawsareoutandthespotsareon]

👀👀👀 I FINALLY wrote something for Miraculous Ladybug.

Also whyyyyyy does Tumblr hate me it took forever to format this

Things that cannot be unsaid (a balcony to cry on)

Preview;

“It shouldn’t surprise me at this point,” Gabriel continued, “in these past few years you have made it clear to me that a failure is all you are ever going to be. The only redeeming quality you had was that you could have at least been a decent model, but you are a failure at that too! A disappointment and a failure, it’s no surprise Emilie left if it meant she could be free of the utter fucking failure her pathetic son has become!”

////

Gabriel takes things a step too far, and Adrian goes to the only place he’s ever felt safe.

///////

“Where have you been?” Those four words stopped Adrian cold, foot still half raised to the next step on the winding staircase in the foyer.

Adrian had finally gotten home after yet another akuma battle, Plagg so exhausted that Adrian had risked walking home rather than overtaxing his kwami. He had desperately hoped that Nathalie would let him get to his room without alerting his father, but it appeared that hope had been in vain. He saw her standing slightly behind his father now, who’s imposing figure stood directly between Adrian and his escape route to his room.

“I asked you where you have been” Gabriel practically spat, “and I dearly hope you have a satisfactory answer.”

“There was an akuma attack,” Adrian said after a moment, eyes focused just above his father, “I-”

“That is not good enough!” Gabriel’s voice was loud in the silent foyer, “You were supposed to come directly home after your photoshoot. A photoshoot you apparently never showed up at! Instead you were off with your needless school friends and costing my company hundreds of euros. Nathalie also informed me that you have been giving sub-par performances in all your lessons as well!” His father cast a quick glance at Nathalie who confirmed his statement with a nod, not sparing a glance at Adrian.

“I’m sorry Father.” Adrian said, voice small. He hated that. He could face down an army of Akuma that could and would kill him and crack jokes. But in front of his father, a man who Adrian could probably toss across the room in his civilian form, he was afraid to even look in the eye.

“As you should be,” Gabriel replied, turning to give his full (unwanted) attention back to Adrian. “Ever since you went galavanting off to Lycèe you’ve become nothing but a disappointment.”

Adrien just barely suppressed a flinch at Gabriel’s cutting words. More and more whenever he had the rare chance to see his father, in person or on that damn tablet, it was only so the former could berate Adrian about all his recent failures.

“It shouldn’t surprise me at this point,” Gabriel continued, “in these past few years you have made it clear to me that a failure is all you are ever going to be. The only redeeming quality you had was that you could have at least been a decent model, but you are a failure at that too! A disappointment and a failure, it’s no surprise Emilie left if it meant she could be free of the utter fucking failure her pathetic son has become!”

By the end of his tirade Gabriel was practically in Adrian’s face, and in trying to lean back Adrian’s foot slipped and he went crashing down the stairs, limbs flailing as his exhausted reflexes failed to respond.

At one point in his fall his chin had gotten slammed on the corner of a stair, and by the time he reached the bottom his freshly split lip was already welling up with blood. As Adrian lied there in shock blood slowly dropping onto the cold marble floor, he felt himself begin to tremble.

Looking up he immediately found his father’s cold eyes regarding him, filled with disappointment and loathing. Not a hint of remorse or kindness was left in his father's steely gaze, and when he turned slightly he saw that Nathalie held a similar expression.

“Pathetic,” was all his father said, and suddenly Adrian needed to get out.

With unquardenated limbs Adrian got slowly to his feet, chest heaving as his throat got tight and tears gathered in his eyes. There was only one place he could think to go at a moment like this, and for the millionth time he was so, so very grateful that he and ladybug had revealed their identities to each other months ago.

With one last glance at Gabriel, his father, Adrian turned-tail and fled out the door.

////

“...What have I done?” Gabriel’s voice shook once the sound of footsteps and slamming doors had faded, leaving the Agreste Mansion in horrified silence.

“Sir…” Nathalie couldn’t think of anything to say, still shocked by her own actions as well. “Let… let Adrian go for now. Going after him will only lead to you both saying more things you regret. For now we should look back over the potential Akuma plans we were talking about last week.”

“Yes, I um, you are correct Nathalie. Let’s head up to-” Gabriel cut off with a hiss, hand reaching up to clutch his tie, under which the Butterfly miraculous was practically scorching him.

“It’s, it must be Adrian. I should…” He shared a glance with Nathalie before slowly lowering his hand. “Let's go over those potential Akuma, Nooroo is too exhausted to make another tonight.”

“As you wish sir.” Nathalie replied softly, and together they made their way up to Gabriel’s office to plan. Besides, once they succeeded everything would be set back to the way it was supposed to be.

////

Ka-thump!

Marinette jolted upright from her uncomfortable position face-down on the desk in front of her computer, sending her abandoned homework fluttering to the floor as she brushed loose hair out of her face. She had spent the past half hour unsuccessfully trying to solve the first question on her physics homework, and had been in the process of falling asleep when the sudden sound from her balcony put her on high alert. She threw a quick glance to Tikki, who was sitting up tiredly from her little nest, half eaten cookie lying forgotten.

It had been a rough week. In total there had been twelve Akuma that had all taken at least two lucky charms and more than a few cataclysm’s to defeat, and each and every one had managed to land at least one devastating hit to both Ladybug and Chat Noir. They had just fought the last one no more than two hours ago, and she and Chat had practically collapsed onto each other when they had finally defeated it.

As she moved up to her bed Tikki flew and settled on her shoulder, half hidden in Marinette’s hair. “If this is another akuma,” Marinette muttered, “Hawkmoth needs a better freaking hobby.”

She paused before she opened her skylight, listening for any clues as to what out there, but besides the murmur of a passing car the streets were quiet. Marinette quietly pushed open the skylight, poking her head out while still making it so that she could slam it shut should something jump at her.

When nothing happened for several seconds Marinette had almost convinced herself that whatever it was had been a figment of her exhausted mind when the muffled sounds of sobbing reached her ears.

Alarmed Marinette pushed herself fully up onto her balcony and just about screamed at the sight that greeted her; Illuminated by the fairy lights she often forgot to turn off, Adrian Agreste was curled up in the smallest ball possible where railing met brick, sobbing into his hands as

Plagg hovered directly in front of him, trying to comfort him however he could.

“Plagg? Why- what happened?” Tikki’s high voice was shrill in Marinette’s ear, and caused the ting god to tiredly turn towards the two.

“Hey Sugarcube,” Plagg greated quietly, his sharp green eyes glanced quickly back at Adrian before he turned to address Marinette. “Wish we could meet again under better circumstances little bug- could you come help me out here? I’ll tell you everything you want to know while you get my Kit calmed down.”

Marinette gave a shaky nod in reply and slowly scooted over to where her partner was, stopping an arms length away as she took a moment to really see him. “What, what happened Plagg?” she repeated Tikki’s earlier question, slowly reaching one hand out but stopping abruptly when Adrian flinched from the motion. Seeing as her partner usually relished in any kind of physical contact, this further proved to Marinette that something was very wrong.

“His father is what happened,” Plagg said with disgust, “said a bunch of shitty things to my kit about how he’s a ‘disappointment’ and basically said that it was Adrian’s fault that his mom left!” By the end of it Plagg was fliting about like he was just holding himself back from rushing to the Agreste Manor and cataclysming Gabriel himself.

“Oh minou-” Marinette’s heart broke for her partner, and with slow movements she reached out once more and slowly and gently pulled Adrian’s hands down so she could properly see his face. The puffy, red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks she sadly expected, but the blood on his chin and hands was not. A split lip was still slowly oozing blood and several of his nails had been chipped and torn, prompting Marinette to once again look to Plagg for answers.

“Asshole practically pushed him down the stairs,” was Plaggs angry reply, “And when he ran over here he didn't bother to transform so he hurt himself climbing up here.” By the end of Plagg’s explanation Adrian was finally starting to come back to himself, and Marinette moved so she was sitting more comfortably in front of him, Tikki perched once again on her shoulder and Plagg going to curl up in Adrian’s messy hair.

“Hey kitty,” Marinette greeted softly, and as Adrian’s eyes slowly focused on her she continued in a low, calm tone, “gave me a bit of a scare there.” Suddenly she had an arm full of shaking Chat as her partner tried to burrow himself deeper into her shoulder.

“M’lady- Mari, I oh I couldn’t-” his voice broke off as he cried harder, “h-he said, he said I was a d- he said my mom-!”

“I know Kitten, I know. And you have to know that everything he said was a lie minou. You're not a disappointment to anyone. Without you I wouldn't be half the ladybug I could be,” she continued to soothe while rubbing small circles in his back.

“Let’s go sit somewhere a bit more comfortable, eh Chatton? I don't know about you but after that last Akuma sitting on the floor is probably the last thing I want to do.” She got a choked laugh in response, which Marinette considered it a win.

After a while and some careful maneuvering they were mostly settled on the small couch Marinette had moved out to her balcony after one too many nightly chats ended up with her and Adrian sprawled uncomfortably against the wall of her balcony. Adrian’s sobbs had dwindled down to the occasional sniffle as the four of them sat quietly and watched the darkening sky.

“Feel a bit better now?” Marinette eventually asked, shifting so she could look her exhausted partner in the eye.

“Yes, No, I just- kinda just feel empty,” Adrian admitted, reaching up to rub at his eyes and accidently smearing some of the mostly dried blood on his chin.

“Ok, well for now let's head inside so we can change and clean that blood off. in the morning we can talk with Mamam and papa and we'll go from there. There's no need to try and sort it all out now. Besides, I think my papa has some leftover Camembert from some danishes he was testing out.”

At the mention of cheese Plagg perked up slightly, and with a soft glance at Adrian he dragged Tikki along with him to help on his quest.

After a quick shared smile Adrian and Marinette slowly followed their kwami, supporting each other as they prepared to face their next challenge.

Because they were marinette and Adrian, but more importantly they were ladybug and chat noir. No matter the challenges they would face they would overcome them.

It was them against the world. Together.

[wreckofawriter]

Painted Books

Pairing: Young!Sirius Balck x Slytherin!reader

Word Count: 3,297 (I'm sorry I got carried away)

Warnings: Swearing, Underaged drinking, Mentions of alcohol abuse/addiction, Super long

Summary: After a prank Sirius ruins something extremely important to you, so you get pissed. While sneaking around he realizes why you were so pissed and tries to apologize

A/n: Omfg I havent been on tumblr for like a month I'm so sorry I was inactive, high school has sort of been kicking my ass. I hope this super long story makes up for it. I actually kinda like this one alot, hope you enjoy it.

Hatred filled you like air into a balloon. Your blood had been replaced by lava and it was steaming, white-hot through you. Those idiot Gryffindors were going to regret everything they have ever done in about 10 minutes you thought as you looked at your common room. Red and gold covered everything. Every couch, every chair, every table, every wall, and unfortunately for you, every book and paper on the tables. You screeched loudly.

You had simply left for 30 minutes to eat dinner before returning to your homework and now, not only was the positions essay you had almost finished been ruined but so had your charms, Defence against the dark arts and herbology essays. Along with the seven books for those classes you had bought at the begging of the year. There was no way that you would be able to clean the paint off, it was surely enchanted and now you would have to stay up all night finishing essays that would never be even half of the quality the originals were.

As the rest of the Slytherin house began to clean up the mess you had ideas of making a new one. And not of their common room but of Sirius Black's face.

You snatched your soggy papers and books off of the table and stormed out of the room. The second you saw him your anger returned like a boiling title wave. He had just ruined all of your work from the past week and now he was laughing throwing his head back as his shiny teeth flashed and his glistening black hair fell away from his precise jawline and cheekbones. You walked straight up to him and before he could even look at you, you grabbed the collar of his shirt and threw him against the wall holding him there. As you did you heard many people utter gasps of surprise and James yell something but you were defened by wrath. His eyes widened in surprise then relaxed as you saw your small frame.

“You think this is funny?” You yelled holding your paint-splattered papers and books up for him to see.

“I do find it quite amusing.” He answered with a smirk.

You screeched again, shoving your fist upward effectively throwing him back against the wall and jabbing him in the throat. You may be small but you were far from weak.

“Look if you wanted to throw me against the wall you could have just asked.” He winked, his voice coming out raspy from his throat being half closed by your hand.

“You absolute piece of shit!” you screamed, “You just ruined all of my work from this whole fucking week! I'm going to fail because of you!”

“You could just sleep with the professor again.” He sneered Your eyes widened in shock, it had been a year since the rumor of you sleeping with a teacher had ruined your social life and here was this high and mighty asshole, who had slept with half the school bringing it up again. You had had enough. You brought your knee up and as it connected with his crotch you dropped his collar and he tumbled to the ground with a scream.

“You say anything like that again I will break your nose.” You hissed down at him, throwing your ruined essays and books at him. With that, you turned on your heel and left pushing past the group of students that had gathered to watch. Before you could exit the scene a hand grabbed your wrist.

“What the hell was that for? It was just a stupid prank!” James yelled as you snatched your hand from his grasp.

“It wasn't just the prank asshole.” You growled glaring up at him.

And that was the truth it wasn't just the prank. It wasn't your homework being ruined, hell it wasn't even the fact he accused you of sleeping with a professor. All of those things were insignificant to the real problem. He had ruined your books. No, you’re not some Ravenclaw who obsessed over books, and it's not like they were signed by the author either they were simply books. But not to you. To you, they were the extra hours you worked at a stupid coffee shop. They were the late nights and early mornings you had forced yourself in to. They were the reward you got for getting stared at by men twice your age because of the stupid tiny skirt that was somehow considered as a uniform. Hell, you worked all fucking summer. Your whole summer was just dumped in paint by some pretentious brat and his even more pretentious friends.

When you reached the Slytherin common room you were close to tears and when you entered you saw the one thing that could cheer you up. Kathy. Kathy was your best friend, she was also one of your few friends, I mean you were a Slytherin half-blood, you were no Lily Evans. She was also Slytherin and was the good cop to your bad cop attitude. When she saw you she rushed you upstairs as you explained what happened.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter crept quietly (not so quietly) through the halls under the famous invisibility cloak. James stood beside them his head-boy badge shining in the light of his wand.  

“Shut up Wormtail,” James scolded, “I think I hear someone.”

They all stopped and listened. With the shuffling noises silenced they could hear something. Laughter drifted through the halls. Soon muffled voices could be heard from some hidden place.

“I think they're in the kitchen,” Remus whispered.

“I hope they’re Slytherin.” James giggled as they approached the hidden door to the kitchen. James poked the bowl of fruit, hitting the apple once and the orange twice. The door swung open into the first layer of the kitchens. They shuffled in James taking the lead they were about to continue through the next doorway when Sirius heard a voice that made him jump.

“Wait!” his whispers called to his friend.

“What?” James whispered back.

“That's Y/n,” Sirius explained.

“Hell yeah this is going to be fun,” James smiled wide happy to catch you out of bed. “Finally get the bitch back.” He began to walk toward the second room in the kitchen when Sirius stepped out from beneath the cloak and grabbed his shoulder.

“Just let me see what she's doing.” He asked.

James’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion he opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

“Please.” Sirius begged his friend, “Then we can bust her.”

“Fine” he muttered

Remus handed Sirius the invisibility cloak sighing, “This better be quick.” disapprovingly

Sirius rolled his eyes throwing the cloak over him and walked into the next room what he saw made his jaw drop.

There you sat, on the kitchen floor in nothing but a deep green crop top and a pair of shimmery silver booty shorts. Your y/h/l y/h/c hair was cascading down your back like a waterfall that seemed to glow in the candlelight. Next to you sat a brunette girl in a hoodie and sweatpants that Sirius recognized as Kathy Underhill. In your right hand, you clutched a bottle of fire whiskey and in your left, you held a spoon filled with chocolate ice cream from the carton at your feet.

“You know everryboddy thiks that imma stuck up bish now right?” You slurred, clearly drunk.

“I'm sure they don't,” Kathy said clearly sober.

“Oooohhh yeahhu they do.” You continued. “They’re all wike look at that tempershmental bitch who cants take a joke, wow somebody locks her up shes crazy, she fucked a professor for an and she is sooooo stuck up.”

“Well it's not true,” Kathy said grimacing as you took another swig from the bottle.

“SOO WHAT?” You shouted, your voice suddenly rising as you did from your crossed legs dropping you spoon on the ground, “What am I gonna say, I'm not shtuck up my mom is a alchohalic that blows her money on booze and I had to work all fucking summer in a shitty Cafe where middle-aged men stared up my skirt, to afford the books that the two ashholes you call “funny” you added very dramatic air quotes on the last word. “Ruined for a stupid prank ecaus they are stuck ups dicks who shove money up their asses for fun.”

Sirius’s eyes widened, he really shouldn't be listening to this conversation.

Tears began to fall from your eyes in large drops and Kathy sighed as you started to blabber nonsense.

“Alright sweetie, let's get you off your feet before your trip and kill yourself,” Kathy said rising toward you. You continued to sob as she took the bottle from your hands and helped you to the floor where you buried your head in her lap as she stroked your hair.

“Looks like imma just like my-” You hiccuped “- my bitch of a mother.” You groaned angrily.

“Hey honey, you will never be like that woman, I promise.” Kathy soothed, “I promise.”

“Your the best. I love you” You muttered as you began to drift into sleep.

“Love you too.” Kathy sighed.

    Sirius was so caught up in the scene in front of him he almost forgot about his friends who were waiting for him. He quickly turned and walked back to the second room where he removed the cloak and looked at his three wide-eyed friends.

    “Oh shit,” James muttered as he looked at Sirius who looked on the edge of a breakdown. Without another word, Sirius thrust the cloak into his friend's hands and bolted.

    Of all the people he knew what it was like to hate your mother, to have nothing, to work your ass off for things that are ruined by someone who had so much more. Now he had caused that pain. He had ruined your books. He had destroyed your hard work. He had caused those tears that sprung from your eyes. He had become what he hated most.

Sirius may be fast but James was faster, and he caught the young boy’s wrist before he could escape to god knows where.

When Sirius world around James saw something very rare in his eyes, tears. They were glassy and full. One cascaded down his cheek leaving a shimmering river in its wake.

“Sirius it's not your fault.” He said looking at his friend quite concerned.

“I ruined her books.” he sniffed,

“We didn't know, it's not our fault her mom’s an alcoholic,” James explained.

Sirius glared at his friend ripping his hand from James's angrily, “Would you have cared?” he asked bitterly.

“Of course I would,” James said sincerely

“I don't think you would have,” Sirius seethed taking a step towards him. “You have always had everything, the parents, the money, the house, the smarts, the skills, the girlfriend. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE NOTHING!” He yelled his face red with fury, “So you don't know what it's like to have the one thing you did have ripped from you.” He whispered stepping away from his friend taking a couple of steps turning and sprinting back to the common room.

The next morning Sirius woke to see a stack of books on the end of his bed with a note stuck on top.

“Your right, I'm a dick, now please go give that girl these books and essays before I feel even more like shit. P.S you owe Remus big time for the essays” Sirius lifted the note to see a stack of brand new books and on top four essays each with the name Y/n Y/l/n printed in your handwriting on top. He then glanced at the stack of paint covered books in the corner you had thrown at him, they were still there covered in paint. Confusion covered him He then remembered who he was friends with and smiled.

“James you idiotic genius.” He muttered looking at each perfectly crafted essay. His eyes were shining.

    You woke to a less pretty sight. Your head throbbed as you sat up in your bed groaning, you looked at the clock, you still had an hour till your first class but you were too hungry to pass up breakfast, even with your head about to explode. You got up stretched moaning at the pounding in your head and changed into your robes. You headed down to the grand hall after downing five Advils.

When you arrived you saw Kathy chatting with a few other girls you knew. You sat down next to her grabbing the pot of coffee of the table and dumping it into your cup as Kathy greeted you.

    “Damn Y/n you look like shit.” a girl named Emma said.

    “I feel like shit too.” You answered as you took a massive swig of the coffee.

    “You stay up late finishing your essays?” Another girl asked.

    You groaned throwing your aching head onto the table as the essays that you had forgotten about reentered your half-awake mind.

“I swear next time I see one of those four assholes I'm gonna put them six feet under.” Kathy hissed.

As if on cue Sirius Black tapped your shoulder. You spun around and were about to speak when Kathy rose, “I think she's seen enough of you Black.” she said sternly.

“Look I know I was I dick I just want to apologize,” Sirius mumbled seeming very uncomfortable as all the girls at the table glared him down.

“She doesn't need your fake apologizes, she’s had enough for a lifetime,” Kathy growled.

“It’s fine Kath.” You sighed, “I'm way too hungover to deal with him asking all day anyway.” You grumbled quietly to her.

She huffed and sat down glaring the boy down as she retracted to her seat.

You looked up at him waiting.

Sirius flashed bright red, an unusual sight, “Oh um I thought I could talk to you in private.” he asked his voice fading in the last words as he scuffed the ground with his feet.  

You sighed, “If this is another prank Black I will break you back.”

“No no no I swear it's not.” He said hurriedly.

You groaned standing from the ground and following him out of the hall, still feeling like shit.

“Look, before you break my back can you let me finish what I’m saying?” He asked nervously, You had never seen the boy so nervous.

“Depends on what you say.” You answered narrowing your eyes.

“Alright then here goes,” He sighed “So me and the rest of us were with James last night and we umm heard you and Kathy, and I just-” He was cut off by a fist hitting his jaw.

“YOU ASSHOLE!” You yelled as you realized what he must have heard. Anger once again overrode your systems and you glared at the boy in front of you, “I swear to Merlin I'm gonna drive my-”

He slapped his hand over your mouth muffling your shouts. “Please just listen,” He begged, “Please.” when you looked at him you saw something you had never seen on his face before, desperation. This made you stop nodding as he slowly removed his hand from your mouth. Today was full of new experiences.

“Look I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for ruining your books and that I was a dick and well here.” He said as he reached into his bag and took out a bundle of books and papers.

You gasped when you saw the papers were essays, in your handwriting but much better than you ever could have written, and the books were all of the ones that had been ruined in paint except they were all hardcover and pristine as if they were bought last night.

“How did you….??” Your voice trailed off as you scanned the papers and books.

“My friends may be idiots but they’re geniuses.” He chuckled nervously.

Your amazement was replaced by rage (again) when you realized what was happening and anger flashed in your eyes, “I don't want your pity, Black.” You seethed handing his books back.

“No no no, it's not pity please.” He said as you turned to go.

“What is it then?” you glowered.

“It’s empathy ok? I know what it's like to have an asshole for a mom who never did anything for you ok? I know what it's like to have nothing. I know.”

You stared at him confused, what did a pureblooded rich kid know about that?

“Look my mom kicked me out last year, I mean not out of the house but out of the family. She disowned me and I get it, it sucks. I just got lucky to have amazing friends like James whose parents are super cool.” He sighed handing you the books back, “I was a dick, I’m really truly sorry.”

Your mouth hung open eyes wide. How had you never know this? You knew his brother and him didn't exactly get along but you never knew anything like that had happened to him. And then you did the last thing you expected you would ever do. You took two steps forward and hugged him. Dropping the books and papers on the floor, you wrapped your hands around his waist and buried your head in his chest. At first, he was surprised but it only took him a second to react and he wrapped one arm around your waist to the small of your back and his other around your shoulder resting his hand on the back of your head and pulling you closer to him.

You noticed he smelt of mint and smoke as you let your tears fall from your eyes, soaking his robes.

He buried his head into your soft y/h/c locks and he smelt pomegranate and ginger with the slight tinge of vanilla linger there. His eyes filled with tears and he squeezed them shut as he felt your body shake with sobs. You don’t know how long you stayed there but you wished to forever. When you did pull away your eyes were puffy and red as were his. You were about to turn to pick up the books and papers that were scattered on the ground when Sirius spoke.

“Hey Y/n one more thing.” He said.

“Wha-” his lips collided on yours and it was your turn to be shocked. After a second you melted into the kiss and leaned back into his minty scent as you felt his toung run along your lower lip, you tipped your chin upward giving him better access to your mouth. As his hand found the side of your cheek and yours found his hair. You pulled away after a few seconds later gasping for air.

You looked up at him cheeks flaming red, “Sorry I pushed you into the wall” You paused, “And kneed you… and punched you in the face”

“You could make it up to me by got to Hogsmeade with me this weekend.” He suggested voice barely above a whisper as he stroked your cheek.

“Sound good.” You giggled just then you glanced at your watch. “Shit!” You yelled quickly gathering you new books and essays from the ground. “I've got to get to Herbology!” you turned, turned back placed a quick kiss on Sirius' cheek, “I'll see you later.” You said before dashing out the doors onto the grounds. As he watched you go he touched his flaming cheek with his hand. A few seconds later James walks up next to him.

“She a little less pissed?” he asked nervously.

“You have no idea how much I owe you right now.”

[emiliv]

– possible conversations series : (1/?? )

…even though kriztian just smirks. boy, that smirk. @vampirekriztian-gotha

[funghoulkarlo]

Me: *is bored*

Tumblr: *is fucking dead*

The Braincell: *is asleep and dreaming of how to escape from us and kill us*

My mind: *is also very dead*

...

Me: *has a shit ton of homework to do, has like 5 online classes and have plenty of shit to do at home*

Tumblr: @22amillion is drunk, making some quality memes and texting you weird yet very sweet shit, @hemisphaeric has just made an audio that will break your heart in pieces and is answering to whatever shit you sent her before, @antoniivs has made yet another post that will make you want to curl up with a blaket and sob, but he apologizes for making you cry and says he will post some fluff later but that's a lie, @manosoc has made an absolute masterpiece of a drawing and you are gonna love it and want it as a wallpaper for your phone.

My mind: Hey what if you wrote a fanfic now? I'm really creative atm and you've got some started ideas already. Also,, remember that poetry book you have? I just thought of a poem from there that would be perfect for an edit

The Braincell: It's your turn to have me today! Use me!

[1kook]

soar

❑ Wong Yukhei x (F) Reader

summary⇢ He’s unsure if your eyes are red from crying or from the weed. The only thing Yukhei’s sure about is the slight pang of guilt in his chest as he watches you quietly cry by yourself, desperate to be held in his arms, so he motions you over to do just that.  tags⇢ more drug use, sex-starved reader for some reason, high/drunk sex!!! but like there’s crying idk lol, tiny degradation, too much foreplay for smiting that lasts like 3 seconds  wc⇢ 5.1k

PART 2 OF FLY  tumblr killed links u guys r gonna have to click onto the master list on my blog to find it lol sorry also no i did not proofread when have i ever

-

Much to Yukhei’s horror, he quickly learns what type of pothead you are. It only takes a few more sessions for him to finally get a read on your vibe, desperately trying to file it into the back of his thoughts as he becomes distracted by the slowness of his body and the plushness of your lips every time. You get excessively touchy with a little substance in you, lips tracing his jawline, pinning him into your shitty dorm’s twin mattress. (His is one thousand times softer than yours, the cushion springy beneath him, and it’s probably because he’s one of your university’s beloved athletes. His building is nearly a fifteen minute walk from yours, the individual dormitories themselves only a tiny bit bigger, but the overall quality definitely tinged with a high-end feel.) Though you’re normally quite reserved when it comes to initiating any sort of contact with him, you become some sort of sex-starved succubus after a few good puffs. 

But that’s not all, Yukhei realizes, because if you don’t get your way, you instantly transform into a sobbing mess of a human, fat crocodile tears rolling over your flushed cheeks as you beg for Yukhei, for his kisses, his fingers, his cock. 

Honestly, Yukhei’s not complaining.  

He’s not complaining because, really, he thinks both sides of you are new and adorable. He loves hearing your little airy giggles as he kisses up your neck, completely opposite to the overwhelming blanket of shyness that seems to envelope you during sober sex. And maybe hearing you beg for him, chest heaving as you scramble for any sort of contact, inflates his ego and sparks a little sadistic side of him he hadn’t known existed. 

He’s not really complaining until he bumps into you at a party one night. He knew you’d been planning to go to the homecoming weekend party held by one of the frat houses, and he’d originally declined the offer to tag along with you. But then Mark had burst into his dorm, and demanded he get dressed right away, tugging random clothing from his closet to throw at Yukhei. He really hadn’t had much of a choice then, and had shot you a text to let you know he was going to be in attendance. 

You’d sent a speedy reply back, a stream of smiley emojis and hearts that had him biting his lip to hold back a smile. Of course, Mark had seen his apparently ‘constipated’ expression, and had teased him about his freshman girlfriend, dude she has you so whipped, so it was only right that Yukhei wrestle him into a headlock before they departed the dorms. 

Along the way, you’d sent him another text telling him your friends were planning to get you high, to which he’d warned you about taking weed from the frat boys. You’d sweetly replied back that you knew better, and had pawned the weed off Doyoung, which apparently meant it was all good. All this information you spewed off about safe weed and anything other than that comes directly from Yukhei, so he leaves it at that, not bothering to send you another text as he and Mark pull up to the university’s ridiculously large fraternity/sorority village. 

As soon as he steps foot across the threshold of the house hosting the party, there’s a cup thrust into his palm, drops of alcohol sloshing over the brim. The house is nothing less than a sauna, bodies packed in every crevice of the building. There’s a DJ set-up in the living room, and one of the chapter brothers nearby supplying the DJ with a collection of his own alcohol to get through the night. 

For a while Yukhei forgets about finding you, enveloped by that freshman-like awe of being at a homecoming party, surrounded by filthily grinding couples, eyesight fogged by the overwhelming amounts of smoke, so intense he’s surprised the smoke detectors don’t go off. He gets swept away socializing with his friends, talking and laughing over the kitchen island as Jaehyun pours shots for everyone. 

He’s pleasantly buzzed when he bumps into Chittaphon, the shorter man visibly plastered, all hugs and smiles. Chittaphon says something about just seeing you in the dining room playing beer pong a few moments ago, recalling the cute way you’d been clinging to your partner, Taeyong, after every victorious shot the two of you made. 

Yukhei bids goodbye to his friends, flashing them grins as he slips out of the kitchen. Unbeknownst to them, he’s struggling to maintain any semblance of normalcy as he storms across the hall towards the dining area, his eyes flashing around the room looking for you. He spots you just how Chittaphon had described you, ditzy over Taeyong as he shoots another flawless shot into a cup across the table. For the most part, Taeyong seems unfazed by your touchiness, more focused on the game than the pretty girl pressed up against him. 

Yukhei tries to reign himself in as he quietly strolls around the table, brushing by multiple familiar faces on his beeline towards you. When he finally reaches you, he brushes a hand against your forearm. At first, you pay him no mind, too busy clinging off Taeyong to be bothered with him. But after a particular brush against your lower back, you whirl around, eyes unfocused as you zero in on Yukhei. 

Immediately, your face breaks into a smile, and you launch yourself the last few inches into his arms, burying your face into his neck. “Baby, I was waiting for you!” you yell, pressing kiss after kiss to his skin. 

While you distract yourself with your own self-declared mission to kiss every inch of Yukhei’s neck, your boyfriend busies himself with acknowledging Taeyong with a curt nod of the head. Taeyong nods back, before silently urging Yukhei to take care of his mess of a girlfriend. 

With your attention solely focused on Yukhei, you don’t really realize as he pulls you away from the room, and even away from the house. It’s not until you’re stumbling across the quad that you finally whine for him to stop. 

“Yukhei,” you huff, tugging on his wrist to stop him. He turns around, face as neutral as possible, and raises an eyebrow at you’re pouting expression. You step forward, closing the remaining space between the two of you, throwing your arms around his neck as you nuzzle your nose against his. “No hello kiss?” You question, breath fanning across his lips and chin. 

For a moment, he indulges you, sliding his large palms around your waist until they're firmly pressed into the small of your back, right above the curve of your ass. You giggle and tip toe until your lips barely brush, languidly moving against each other. It’s a slow kiss, your mouth slowly molding itself against his as he lets you lead. When you pull away, you huff against his cheek, the sound nearly a moan. 

He knows there’s security cameras nestled around this part of the campus, and if he lets you have fun any longer you’d do something that would jeopardize both your positions at this school. So he slots your lips together once more, before he’s back to tugging to across the campus. 

You don’t calm down after that, whining for Yukhei’s attention, toying with his hands and his jacket, fingers looping into his belt loop when you throw a hand around his waist. It’s nothing too drastic that Yukhei can’t ignore, and when you finally arrive at his dormitory building, you’ve become bold enough to tug his shirt upwards, only catching a sliver of his toned abdomen before he’d guided you into the staircases. You followed behind him, giggling up a storm as you’d  stared at his ass with every step he climbed before you. 

When the pair of you finally make it to his single dorm, he makes you sit on the edge of his bed as he ran off to fetch the makeup remover wipes he’d stuffed into his closet at the beginning of the school year, specifically for moments like these. 

Right as you go to say something, he cuts you off. 

“I'm going to wipe your makeup off, and you’re going to go to sleep.” A clear statement, one you’d normally take seriously had you not been mentally zooming through the fourth dimension. You frown, and he ignores it as he tugs a wipe out of the plastic packet. 

He hasn’t even closed in on you before your waterline bursts over with tears, one pitiful sob ripping its way out of your throat. Yukhei sighs, dropping to a crouch in front of you as you cry your way through multiple layers of mascara. “Are you mad at me?” You wail, your lashes sticking together as your fingers fist the hem of the pretty little skirt you’d been wearing. 

Yukhei shushes you, setting the moist wipe on his desk before returning his attention to you. His hands brush over your cheeks, collecting the blackened tears that roll across your warm skin on the pad of his thumb. Instinctively, you lean into his touch, and had he not been preoccupied calming you down he’d have beamed at the way you yearned for him. “Baby, calm down,” he says, after a few more moments of your weeping, and by then the sobs have since become muted huffs of breath. 

“Honestly,” he says once you’ve calmed down enough, shifting from his tight crouch until he’s seated on the carpeted floor, legs bent in front of him. He sees the sudden move you make towards him, to which he successfully stops by raising a hand at you. He doesn’t miss the dangerous wobble of your bottom lip. 

“I am mad at you,” he admits, and has to sit through a few more seconds of your unstable sniffling. He’s unsure if your eyes are red from crying or from the weed. The only thing Yukhei’s sure about is the slight pang of guilt in his chest as he watches you quietly cry by yourself, desperate to be held in his arms, so he motions you over to do just that. 

Once you’re seated in his lap, skirt riding up your thighs, he gets to questioning. “Why were you all over Taeyong like that?” He shoots, and watches you struggle to wipe the quickly drying black streaks that trail down your cheeks. You sniffle again, giving a half-assed shrug that only tugs at the irritation that had been swelling inside of him since Chittaphon had first told him of your whereabouts. 

“Baby, I want a real answer,” he says, hands trailing up your back until his fingers brush against the tips of your hair, and he wraps one thin piece around his pointer finger, giving it a little tug. You huff, head lolling backwards to follow the motion. Your chest still heaves, though this time Yukhei is distracted by the gentle rise and fall of your breasts, concealed only by the low-cut shirt you wore. “Were you so horny that you needed him?”

A choked sound escapes your lips when Yukhei tugs your hair again, this time tangling his whole fist in the strands as he yanks your head towards him. “N-No,” you shudder, shuffling on his lap again, exposing yourself further as the skirt shifts again. 

“Then, tell me,” he reiterates, slowly tilting his head up towards you, squeezing your hip. “What were you doing?”

You blink wet eyes at him, lips red as you attempt to stare him down. When you finally realize he wants an actual answer, your gaze flits away to land on some miscellaneous object in his room. “I don’t know,” you admit, delicately trailing your hands over his arms and onto his shoulders. 

He nods, hand untangling itself from your tresses, though he doesn’t miss the way you follow his touch, visibly sagging when he removes both your hands from his shoulders. “Okay,” he solemnly says, leaning against the wall behind him as he watches you fidget on his lap. 

He lets a few moments pass, time dragging on until seconds turn into minutes, watching you grow restless before him, squirming on his lap. Finally, you give in, returning your hands to their rightful place on him. “Yukhei,” you murmur, slowly rolling your hips down onto him. 

As much as he wishes he could just take you there and then, the bitter jealous of watching you cling to one of his friends burns in the back of his throat, so he schools his expression as you slowly try to lure him in. He watches you guide his hands onto your thighs, patting the tops as if for good measure. He scoffs. 

“So you just let anyone touch you now?” He can’t help but spit, and you pause in your ministrations, giving him one slow, confused blink as he rolls his eyes at you. “Ridiculous,” he sighs, shooing you off his lap, before making his way towards the bed. 

Maybe it’s that same cruel streak of his that only you seem capable of bringing out that has him glancing back towards your trembling figure, wide eyes staring in shock as he casually brushes you off. He has to purse his lips to hide the grin that wants to consume his face. He tugs his jacket off, tossing it over the back of his desk chair before plopping down on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his palms to stare you down. 

“So?” He says, raising his eyebrows at you. You flounder, and the image of you cutely kneeling in front of him, ass accentuated by the skirt you’re wearing, makeup streaking down your face is quite the sight. Your bottom lip wobbles, eyes blinking rapidly as you attempt to hold back the tears that threaten to spill over. 

You slowly turn to face him completely, and the sudden shift pushes your skirt upwards, and gives him a flash of what’s hiding beneath. His favorite pair of your pretty pink underwear stares back at him, and he does a double take when he sees the tiny damp spot towards the front. “Yu—”

He groans in faux annoyance, throwing his head back so that you can’t see the smirk that tugs at his lips. When he looks at you again, you’ve taken up the precious deer-in-headlights look. “Why don’t you go whore around with him, ____?” 

For a split second, Yukhei’s unsure where such a bold statement had come from. He’d never been so blunt or disrespectful towards you, choosing to treasure you in your most intimate moments. Perhaps it’s the horrible mixture of jealousy and alcohol that has him saying such hurtful comments, but again, he ignores it in favor of watching tears stream down your cheeks. 

“N-No,” you sob, shuffling forwards until you’re between his spread legs, sobs racking your entire being as you surge forward to wrap your arms around his waist. “I want you,” you say, though the words become muffled in the material of his shirt.

He gently runs a hand down the back of your head, slowly pulling it back until he’s face to face with your anguished expression, mouth trembling with every half-sob that leaves your lips. “Are you sure about that, baby?”

“Yes!” You cry out, fingers clutching the soft material of his plain shirt, staring up at him with hazy and desperate eyes. 

“You seemed awfully okay with Tae,” he murmurs, brushing stray strands of hair out of your face, completely enthralled by the warmth of your skin and the way your lips have become puffy from crying. He watches you furiously shake your head, words tumbling out of your mouth incoherently. 

Never had Yukhei thought he’d enjoy toying with you like this, reveling in your brokenhearted expression as you repeatedly told him you only wanted him. He shushes you after a while, stroking his fingers down the side of your face, until he’s gripping your chin. 

“You’re mine?” He questions, leaning down to nudge your nose with his, much in the same way you’d done earlier when you’d happily trailed behind him across the campus. You nod, breath slowing down at his close proximity. He smiles then, before slotting his mouth against yours in a slow and languid kiss. 

Instantly, your breathing slows down as your attention shifts from producing heartbreaking sobs to kissing Yukhei, mouths slowly molding against each other. His fingers trace against your jawline, tilting your head to the side to deepen the kiss. You sigh, opening your mouth for him before he asks, letting his tongue slip inside. 

He pulls away before you get too excited, shushing your little whines of protest as he helps you up off your knees, maneuvering you onto the bed beside you, before he’s covering you with his own body. “You gonna be good for me?” He murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. 

Your response catches in your throat when he sucks beneath your ear. “Gonna stop being such a slut with my friends?” You nod, spreading your legs until he’s carefully nestled between them, head buried in your neck. He hums, kissing along your neck until he reaches the empty space between your collarbones. 

“Please,” you rasp out, throwing your legs over his lower back and pulling him closer to you. His frontside barely brushes against your core, but it’s enough to have you jolting beneath him. 

“What is it, baby?” Yukhei murmurs, fingers pulling on your fastened shirt, pushing it up until he can feel the soft cups of your bra. You moan when he pushes the garment upwards, until your breasts bounce out of the other end. Your nipples brush against the rough material of your shirt for a moment, sending a shiver down you spine, before Yukhei pinches them between his experienced fingers. “You want me to touch you?” 

You squirm, entire body arching into his hands. “Pretty please,” you whine, fingers threading into his brunette locks. “I need you.”

Yukhei presses a kiss to your collarbone, before tugging your shirt over your head. Immediately, the air’s caress sends goosebumps over your skin, a feeling you ignore in favor of helping Yukhei remove your bra. Once it’s gone, you tug him down for another kiss, desperate to feel his plush lips against yours. “So needy,” Yukhei chuckles when he manages to break away, leaning away to pull his shirt over his head. As he watches, you stretch your hands out for him, cold little fingers trailing up his sides and over his abdomen. “Hm,” he sighs, “I kinda wanna go back to the party right now.”

“No!” You exclaim, legs tightening around him again. His smirk is smothered by the hot press of your mouth again. 

“Nah,” he says when your lips part. “You don’t have to come with,” he teases, propped up on his forearms and watching the frantic flutter of your eyes as you rack your thoughts for any excuse for him to stay. So quickly do you eyes fill with tears, and he can’t believe it’s this easy. He pushes himself away, your desperate pleas to stay only fueling his need to taunt you. 

“Yukhei,” you weep, grabbing onto his arms to keep him there. Finally, he caves, letting himself fall back over you again and shushing your tiny cries with kisses to your face. 

“’m kidding,” he murmurs against your lips, hands trailing down your sides until they’re toying with your skirt’s zipper. Your legs loosen around him, and he tugs it down. “My baby’s a mess,” he coos, slowly tugging the skirt off your legs, hands following it all the way down to your ankles. While there, he helps you tug off your shoes, dropping them on the floor with no real care. 

“Open up,” he commands, and you do, spreading your legs wide until he can see just how soaked you’ve left your panties. He presses one teasing finger against the front of your points, tracing it downwards until he feels the beginning of your slit. Consequently, he presses down on your clit, watching the way you writhe beneath his touch. “So wet,” he sighs, tracing little circles over your clit until you’re begging him to do something more. 

“Touch me,” you breathe, and the absolutely wrecked look you give him from your spot nestled between his comforter catches him off guard. You were ridiculously sexy on a regular day, Yukhei couldn’t deny that, but the expression you’d just shown him was unlike any other he’d seen in the past two months he’d been with you. For a moment, you’d looked like a goddess beneath him, and Yukhei had made sure to keep that mental snapshot safe and sound inside his mind. 

His fingers nudge your underwear to the side, and proceed to faintly trace across your soaked folds, carefully observing your reactions. Your eyes flutter shut, jaw dropping open. “Do you like that?” He murmurs, lips fastened to your jawline, pressing kiss after kiss to your warm skin. A shaky exhale escapes your lips as your hands instinctively curl around his broad shoulders. He flicks your sensitive bud, tingles running over every inch of your body. 

“Yes,” you cry, one leg slowly circling his waist to pull him closer until his arm is stiffly sandwiched between your bodies. 

Yukhei drops another kiss on your chin, a soft chuckle leaving his lips shortly afterwards. “Baby, I can't touch you like this,” he points out and, to further explain, wiggles his arm around to show you the limited space you’ve trapped him in. Still, you tremble at the movement, tightening your arms around his neck. Slowly, he frees his arm, using it to prop himself above you. He pauses, taking a moment to watch the way you gasp below him, both from pleasure and the aftermath of all the sobbing you’d done earlier. 

In his opinion, he thinks you look gorgeous like this. The way your lips tremble, red after being so thoroughly abused by his own mouth sends blood rushing to his cock as he imagines how it’d feel to have you wrapped around him, sobs racking your body and tears streaming down your face. It’s his favorite look on you; the smudged makeup that decorates your under-eyes makes you look similar to the cute panda charm that clung to your backpack strap. Oh, how you adored that charm, frequently calling it the cutest little thing. Now here you were, appearing eerily similar to it, and Yukhei can’t help but think, you’re the cutest little thing. 

A quiet whimper alerts him of the neglected beauty beneath him, and he slowly refocuses his attention on you, your swollen eyes, and your dripping folds. “Shh,” he soothes, running his fingers through your hair until he’s pushed it away from your face. He shifts, and his throbbing erection barely brushes against you, eliciting another cry from you. He glances down and sees the mess you’ve created, your precum soaking through your panties. Just as he goes to look away, he catches sight of a little wet spot on his own jeans, and it takes a moment for it to register in his mind. 

“You dirty girl,” he teases, unbuttoning his jeans. “You’ve made such a mess tonight, princess,” he sighs, rolling the zip down until his boxers peek through. “You must’ve been thinking about this all night, haven’t you?” He questions, stepping away from the bed momentarily to tug his jeans down, until he’s clad only in his undergarments, mirroring your own state. “Have you been thinking of me all night, baby? Thinking of how easily I was gonna slide into you tonight?” He inquires, settling on the edge of the bed again, hands gently encouraging your legs open before pausing on your knees. You nod, reaching a hand up to toy with your breasts, and he knows you’re doing it on purpose because you know he loves your boobs. “Or did you get this wet thinking about Taeyong?” 

Your eyes nearly bulge out of your head, as you become desperate to refute his statement. Had he not been milking you of all your despair, he would’ve broken character and laughed at the way your mood changed so swiftly. 

“It’s okay,” he says after watching you flounder and huff for a few moments, eyes nearly welling with tears again (They’d never really stopped, he thought, but had just gone through periods of being considerably less wet than the current moment.), because he was tired of watching his pretty girl cry now, despite the  amusement it’d brought him earlier. “No more tears,” he adds, pressing butterfly kisses to your cheeks. “I know you’d never do that,” he assures, and nearly coos at the way you nod at his words, fingers delicately tracing his facial features. “You’re a good girl, baby, aren’t you?”

You nod, eyes fluttering shut at his sudden praise, and Yukhei takes the opportunity to wipe the drying makeup streaks as best as he can. “I’m a good girl,” you repeat, absolutely melting under his touch. 

Yukhei surges forward to brush your mouths together, swallowing your little whimpers until your breathing evens out. When he pulls away, he eyes you for a moment, taking in your slightly dazed expression, as he slips a finger down to your core, prodding inside until you’re a moaning, panting mess beneath him. “Bet I could slip right on in,” he hums, enthralled by the curve of your neck as your head falls back into the mattress. He curls his finger, and your legs clamp down around him, a natural reaction to such stimulation. He bites down on his lip. “Can I?” He murmurs, and you don’t answer, hypnotized by the way his single digit explores inside you. “Baby,” he rasps, suddenly desperate for your answer, “can I?”

“Yes,” you sigh, though you sound eight miles away, but he knows your heart is in the moment from the way your body writhes beneath him and your lips seek his own. “Please, Yukhei, I need you,” you whimper, voice hoarse from the night’s prior events. 

He doesn't waste a second more, quickly pushing his boxers down his thighs until his dick springs free, and the way you mewl at the sight inflates his ego just the teeniest bit more. He tugs your own underwear off, fingers running over your soft skin as they travel down the length of your legs. Carefully, he aligns himself with your entrance, pushing past the initial tight ring of muscle with no problem at all. 

“Fuck,” he groans, hands firmly attached to your hips. You’re trembling beneath him, your chest heaving with the slow breaths you take. “You’re so fucking tight,” he tells you, leaning forward until he has one arm on the mattress below you, the other snaking its way around your thigh to hold you open. 

“Move,” you whisper, hands slowly tracing their way around his neck like they were earlier. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, and nods. He begins rolling his hips, his pace painstakingly slow as he lets you adjust. 

For a while, he lets you think this is enough, the shallow thrusts of his cock inside of you already extracting the most delicious moans from you. But then he’s reminded of the way you’d so brazenly clung off Taeyong, one of his friends, earlier in the evening; he thinks of the way your hands had fluttered around him until you’d caught sight of Yukhei, and how quick you’d been to quickly cling to him instead.

“Next time,” he huffs, slowly drawing all the way out, reveling in the way your eyes immediately shoot open, desperate to draw him back. He rams into you without much thought, and the way you shift further up the bed from the force only fuels him further, hips snapping at a punishing pace that leaves no room for you to react. “Next time,” Yukhei repeats, hand leaving your thigh to claim its place around your throat. You moan at the sensation. “I won’t be so nice,” he spits, skin slapping yours with each drive of his hips, his cock abusing your pussy walls until you’re trembling, a tight knot building inside you. “Next time I see you acting like a slut, I’m gonna take you home and fuck you like one, princess,” he seethes, fingers tightening around your throat.

You gasp, whimpering with every thrust, which only seem to grow more wild with each passing second. “I’m sorry,” you manage to choke out, slowly running a hand over his that is grasping your throat. “I won’t do it again,” you cry, pressing down on his fingers until he’s tightening his grip on you, and your inhales are coming in shakily. “I won’t be a slut anymore, Yukhei,” you promise, voice cracking as your throat becomes inexplicably dry. You pry his fingers apart until you can slot your own between the empty spaces, and for a moment, his eyes soften at the gesture. 

“Good,” he breathes, releasing you only to duck down and lavish your raw skin with kisses, his hand traveling southward to play with your swollen clit. It takes only a few gentle circles for your back to arch off the bed, his name falling from your lips as your orgasm consumes you. 

Your newly released pleasure makes the glide into you even smoother, and Yukhei lets you fall limp on the mattress as he chases his own release. His eyes drift down your chest, at the thin sheen of sweat that’s accumulated in the valley between your breasts, and the way your ribs rise and fall, your diaphragm contracting as you struggle for air. 

But what makes him finally cum isn’t your lewd body or the sounds you make as he fucks into your sensitive pussy, but the dreamy-eyed look you give him when you’ve recovered, your fingers surging forward to tangle with his own as you give his hand a tight squeeze. “Fuck,” Yukhei spits, giving one last buck of his hips until he’s coating your insides with his hot pleasure, his hips still snapping as he’s caught up in your beauty.

When his body finally settles down and he begins to grow soft inside of you, he draws away, your tiny cries nearly bringing him to full hardness again. He tugs his boxers back up, before sliding off the bed, your calls for him to come back rushing him as he gathers a few tissues and grabs another shirt from his drawer. 

He cleans you up gently, nothing like the man who’d folded you in half a mere five minutes ago, pressing kisses along your shoulder as you huff and whine into his soft hair, your legs shaking from oversensitivity. “I got you, baby,” he purrs, tugging his shirt over your head when he’s done, drawing the blankets over you. 

Then it’s Yukhei’s turn to bury his nose in your hair, the faint tinges of weed still traced among the strands, a fact he’d almost forgotten until you huff out a soft, “did you really bust a nut from holding hands?” 

[let-it-raines]

Second in Command (35/35)

Summary: Life as the “spare to the heir” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be when you’re the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don’t know what really happens behind closed doors. 

Rating: Mature

A/N: I have apparently written over 300,000 words of this story and its sequel (and I’m not saying I won’t write some one shots in the future if inspiration strikes), but I don’t even have the words to thank you guys right now. This story started because I was bored and needed something to do, and I’ve loved writing and learning how to craft words and stories more easily and with better quality over the past few months. You guys are the best, and I thank you for every click, kudos, comment, and reblog! I’ve seen and appreciated every single one!

But seriously. Thank you for liking this insane story. I can’t believe so many of you have stuck with it and gone through all of the highs and lows of the emotions of it with me. It’s been a pleasure ❤️

AO3: Beginning | Current

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Sequel: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @kristi555 @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @artistic-writer @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @alys07 @andiirivera @emmas-storybook @superchocovian @in-spirational  @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @shireness-says @jonirobinson64 

“Do you have any idea what’s going on here?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Emma admits, straightening out her dress and crossing her legs at her ankles while the wet grass touches her skin. “I’ve never really learned what goes into playing polo, but you’re British. Shouldn’t you know how this works?”

“First of all, my dear,” Ruby huffs while she scrolls through her phone, large white cat-eyed sunglasses perched on her nose with her hair falling down her back, “you are also British now. I don’t know if you’re ever going to remember that. But yeah, I was not at all into all of this uppity stuff until you started dating someone who was, which incidentally caused me to marry an uppity man.” “Woah, woah, woah. Are you seriously complaining about meeting Graham because of me?”

“Eh,” she laughs, leaning back onto a rolled-up towel with her hands resting behind her back, “maybe. He was being annoying this morning because he couldn’t find the right boots, and I was ready to just burn all of his boots.” Emma lets out a low whistle, one that travels in the slight breeze and down the small hill so that both Andy and Sutton turn their heads from where they’re playing to look at her. They don’t look for long, though, the ball they have far more interesting even if poor Sutton can’t keep up with the older kids. She’s trying, though. She’s going to have grass stains all over her dress, but it’s fine. She’s seventeen months old. Grass stains are the least of her worries.

She doesn’t really have worries as long as someone is entertaining her, and honestly, Sutton is attached at her hip. All she has to do is talk about everything she’s doing, and her girl is as happy as can be. It’s only annoying when she’s brushing her teeth.

“So he was really annoying?”

“The most annoying. I would say sometimes I miss living in my old flat with Granny, but, you know, Graham has a few more perks than her. And he’s not always so obnoxious over his riding boots.”

“Killian has this thing with shoes,” she begins, picking at her nails before twisting her wedding band on her finger, a habit that she can never quite stop, but it’s likely because Killian likes to play with her rings when they’re sitting together. “In our closet, he has all of his lined up on this small little shelf, and then on my side I have that wall of them, you know?”

“Trust me, I know. All of the nice clothes you have are totally wasted on you.”

“I let you borrow them,” she sighs, glancing over at Ruby for a moment before looking down to make sure she can still see the kids. She should probably watch a bit of the match, but she can just fake it later. That’s what she usually does when she has no idea what’s going on. “But anyways, Killian is always fixing them. If I leave my shoes in the entryway or the bedroom, he picks them up and puts them up, and sometimes he gets so pissed over it. I can’t tell you how many arguments we get into that start off with me leaving my tennis shoes just inside the door.”

“Does he do that with the kids too?

She shrugs and looks back to Ruby before sliding her own sunglasses down over her eyes, her hair getting stuck in them for a moment. “Andy is supposed to put all of his things up, but Killian’s not about to pick a fight with a four-year-old over leaving his shoes somewhere. It’s much more fun to fight with me.”

“That’s because making up with you is more fun,” Ruby teases, reaching over and squeezing Emma’s wrist. “Our husbands are so damn weird.”

“Well, we do weird shit too, but yeah, that’s very true.”

“Mummy,” Sutton whines, running up the hill as fast as she can with crocodile tears running down her cheeks.

“Baby,” Emma sighs, getting up from the ground and walking down to Sutton, scooping her up off the ground and wiping her tears away while she scans her face for any obvious injuries. She obviously missed something when she was talking to Ruby. “What happened?”

“I fell,” she sobs, the tears still coming even if Emma is sure that she’s not hurt, that it’s still the shock and the dramatics of it all.

“Oh, it’s okay,” she soothes, letting Sutton wrap her arms around her neck and snuggle into her shoulder. “It’s okay. Do you want to come sit with Mommy and Aunt Ruby?” Sutton nods her head up and down while Emma continues to rub her back. “Andy,” she calls, and when he doesn’t turn around, she calls him again. “Andrew Killian.” That gets him to turn around, his head snapping toward and his hair whipping with it. He needs a haircut, especially if they’re going to spend so much time outside this spring and summer. He gets sweat and dirt everywhere. “Andy, why don’t you come up here and sit with Mommy and Ruby, okay?”

“But I’m playing.”

“But I asked you to come sit with me.”

“Mummy.”

Sometimes it’s cute when he thinks that he can out argue her, especially since he’s still so small, but other times she knows that they’re about to go down kicking and screaming if she lets the emotions build up. Kids are kind of like dynamite, except half the time you don’t know when the fuse is about to burn up and explode. It surprises you out of the blue and you’re the one who’s left kicking and screaming.

“Andy, please listen to me. I need to put more sunscreen on your nose so you don’t turn all red like a tomato.”

“I don’t want to be a tomato,” he screeches, running up the hill so quickly that he catches up to her as she slowly makes her way back up, Sutton like dead weight in her arms.

“Why are you so scared of tomatoes?” Ruby laughs, catching Andy when he gets up to their spot and settling him down on her lap. “I love tomatoes. They’re red like rubies, and, well, you know, my name is Ruby.”

“Tomatoes are gross,” he whines, his eyes scrunching up as he sticks out his tongue. “Daddy makes me eat them.”

“Daddy does not,” Emma laughs, settling back down on the blanket and putting Sutton on her thighs while she rummages through her bag, first pulling out a bag of fruit and handing it to Andy before she gets the lotion. “Daddy lets you eat other vegetables so you can grow bigger.”

“Like Papa and Daddy and Grandpa.”

“Or your mummy and me,” Ruby laughs, tickling Andy’s stomach while he lights up with joy, his eyes scrunching together again, this time in a much more pleasant way. God, he looks so much like Killian sometimes that it kills her. She thought Sutton was going to be her twin for a little while, but her blonde curls have definitely turned a bit more brown. Or maybe it’s a dirty blonde. It changes depending on the light. She’s got these green eyes, though, and they’re so beautiful. Andy is always saying they’re like a cat. She’s not even sure he’s ever seen a cat in person, but he knows that they have green eyes.

“Mummy isn’t as tall as Daddy.”

“He makes a good point, Rubes. It’s probably because I didn’t eat tomatoes.”

Andy groans again, tilting his head back while he pops an apple slice in his mouth.

“I want,” Sutton sighs, her lips no longer quivering as she points to Andy’s bag of fruit.

Andy digs in the bag until he finds another apple slice, handing it over to Sutton who pops half of it in her mouth before pulling it out like she’s just remembered how to chew.

“What do you tell your brother, Sutton?”

“Thank you,” Sutton whispers, the words coming out more like “tank you” and Emma’s heart flutters a little bit. Listening to kids mispronounce words is definitely one of the great wonders of the world…if you’re into things like that. If you hate kids, it’s probably not quite as cute.

“You’re welcome. I gave you a red one because you don’t like the green.”

“That’s so sweet, Andy,” she smiles reaching over and pushing his hair off of his forehead. “Now let me put this lotion on you, and then you can go back to playing with your friends, okay?”

“Okay. ‘Cause I don’t want to be a tomato.”

When the match is over, Killian and Graham come walking over to them, their gaits not quite as confident as usual even though they won (she thinks), and she chuckles to herself knowing that Killian is most definitely going to want to ice his thighs and his groin later. He gets far too into these charity matches, but that’s what happens when you’re that competitive. Besides, he may be in a bit of pain, but she’s really enjoying the way that his pants cling to his legs and sweat beads off of his forehead, a few strands falling in front of his eyes. He should get his hair cut at the same time that Andy does.

Or not. It’s kind of hot.

“Hello, love,” he greets, flashing her a smile so bright that his eyes crinkle.

“Hi, babe.”

“Oh, Emma darling,” he laughs, leaning down and briefly brushing his lips over hers, “I was talking to my little love, but I’m excited to see you too.”

“Daddy,” Sutton squeals, reaching her arms up until Killian picks her up. “Play horse?”

“I did, sweetheart. I played on a rather large horse. Have you been playing with your mummy and Ruby?”

She nods her head up and down, running her fingers over Killian’s face. “I fell.”

“Oh no,” Killian gasps, overexaggerating his sounds as he settles down next to her on the blanket. He smells a little bit like a horse, and she’s surprised that Sutton hasn’t pointed it out. She’s a spirited little thing even with her limited vocabulary. “Did you get a scratch? Does Daddy need to kiss it all better. You know, Mummy says that Daddy’s kisses are like magic?”

“Totally not something you should be sharing with your daughter there, mate,” Graham laughs as Emma can feel her cheeks flush, red forming that has nothing to do with the little bit of sun she’s gotten today despite the lotion she’s reapplied. She can’t turn into a tomato or anything.

“That is not what I meant,” Killian scoffs, his eyes darting toward Graham before she sees him focus back on Sutton. “I was simply trying to make sure my little love is okay. You okay, Button?”

“Yep,” she sighs, scrambling up to kiss Killian’s cheek. She used to not be too much of a fan of her dad, which was such a shame because he’s a good person to be a fan of, but she’s definitely turning around and being affectionate toward him. Killian’s so gentle with her and always calling her ridiculous names like Button, so that likely helps. You’ve just got to know what Sutton likes to get in her favor. “Mummy fix.”

“Well, she’s very good at making things better. I’m telling you, little love, she has magic kisses.”

“Daddy,” Andy screams, shocking everyone out of their little bubble as he runs back up the hill, determination set in his features, “your face looks like a tomato!”

-/-

-/-

“This suit scratches, Daddy.”

“It’s just for a little while, lad.”

“But why?”

“Because this is what we do on Christmas Eve. Grandpa has been doing it for a long time, and we all do what he says.”

“But I don’t like this suit. I want to wear my Rudolph pajamas. He has a nose that lights up.”

“After dinner,” Killian sighs, buttoning up Andy’s shirt and tucking it in pants even as Andy squirms. “After we eat, I promise Mummy and I are going to come up here and change into our jammies and read you and Sutton a book.”

“Two books.”

“One book.”

“Two. One I pick out, and one for Sutton.”

“Maybe,” Killian laughs, reaching over and grabbing Andy’s suit jacket off of the chair. “Arms up.” Andy’s arms fly up, and Killian slides the jacket over them until he’s fully dressed. “See, lad, you look handsome, and I’m wearing something similar to you. Alex is going to be dressed like this too.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

“And I present to you,” Emma shouts from the bathroom so that Killian can turn his head to look, “Miss Sutton James all dressed up in her very pretty red dress that she helped to pick out.”

Sutton and Emma walk out of the bathroom, Sutton running in first with her hair pulled back into a short braid, a silver bow resting on the top of her head, and Emma follows behind her in his personal favorite emerald dress that she’s worn several times in the past few years. He’ll never quite get over the way it dips down to show her cleavage, and even if they’re spending the night with their families, he’s absolutely thrilled with the fact that she’s wearing it tonight.

He can always simply enjoy the view.

“Wow,” Andy mutters, smiling up at Emma. “Mummy, you are beautiful.”

He smiles a bit to himself at his son and his manners that he sometimes likes to let out. Plus, he’s definitely right, especially as Emma’s cheeks flush and her lips stretch into a soft smile. “Thank you, my handsome little man. What about Sutton? Don’t you think she’s beautiful?”

“Sure.”

He almost chokes on his own saliva as he tries to hold in his laugh, Andy’s manners going away to be replaced by indifference at his little sister. There’s only so much they can hope for when it comes to him. Last week at the Christmas party they always host for military families, Andy told everyone there that his parents were cuddling with no clothes and the room went silent for a moment before Liam lost his mind and barked out a laugh so loud that everyone else joined in, the mood lightening and the jolliness coming back. He’s still not sure why Andy said that, especially since he has not walked in on them when they’re in their bedroom, but the kid still somehow knows that.

It was mostly likely Ruby. And if it wasn’t, he’d bet that Andy saw it on a movie Mary Margaret was watching when she and David babysit. Man does he hope that Andy did not walk in on his grandparents cuddling without clothes. That would be scarring. It’s scarring to think about, and they’re not even his parents. That would be so much worse.

Sometimes he wonders if he really is thirty-six or if he’s actually still about sixteen.

“Sutton, darling,” he smiles, wiping away the few stray tears that escaped him, “you look so pretty. I like your dress.”

“Thank you,” she sighs while she does a little twirl so that the skirt of her dress flares up. “It’s red.”

“It is indeed,” he agrees before walking over to Emma and kissing the skin of her shoulder so as not to mess up her makeup before they take pictures downstairs. “You are one hot mum,” he whispers into her ear, his hands resting on her hips and tugging her closer even if he can’t kiss her right now, “and I like your dress so much more than Button’s.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Emma chuckles as she runs her hands over her shoulders, nails digging through his shirt. “I also think you look much better than Andy in your suit.” “If he hears you say that, he’ll rip it off and run around the dining room without anything on.”

“It’s a good thing they’re too busy turning around in circles to pay any attention to you flirting with me.” Emma pulls back and adjusts his shirt collar, her eyes slanted in concentration until she fixes it to her satisfaction and pats his chest. “I like when you flirt with me even though it’ll get you absolutely nowhere tonight.”

“All these years, and you still think I only flirt with you to get you to sleep with me.” “No, sometimes you flirt with me because you’ve done something that you know is going to piss me off, and you’re trying to butter me up.”

“Like bread.”

Emma tilts her head to the side, her lips ticking up even though he can tell she’s trying not to smile as she looks at him. “Did you just compare me to bread?”

“In a roundabout way.”

“You literally said the words ‘like bread.’ You compared me to bread.”

“Well, bread is a wonderful thing,” he promises, flashing her his brightest smile while he squeezes her waist. God, he loves her a ridiculous amount, and he’d like to flirt with her forever, even if he can do better than comparing her to bread. In a roundabout way, though. “It was not at all an insult.”

“I know.”

“Mummy,” Andy whines, and the both of them turn their heads to look at their children who have stopped turning in circles and are laid out on the floor spread out like starfish, “if I don’t have some cake right now, I’m going to die.”

“Woah boy,” Emma laughs, moving away from him even with his grip on her hips as she walks over to them and picks Sutton up from the floor, placing her on her hip while she tries to get Andy to stand too, “you are being dramatic. If you eat all of your dinner, you can eat one of the biscuits we made for Santa.”

“Will Santa still come if I eat them?” he cries, standing from the ground and wrapping his arms around Emma’s leg as much as he can and shaking his head back and forth.

The biscuit thing was definitely not the thing to say, especially because they’ve convinced their entire family to open presents on Christmas Day for the kids, so everyone has been hyping up Santa and all of the legends and myths of Christmas’s great imaginary friend as well as all of the traditions of the holiday. Abigail went on and on about the biscuits when they were baking them after the football match this afternoon, and he imagines that it’s that which caused the meltdown that’s about to occur.

“Santa is still going to come if you eat a biscuit. I promise. You have both been very good kids all year.” “What about when Sutton broke the lamp?”

“That was an accident, and it’s not nice to talk about things Sutton’s done wrong.” “Sorry.” “It’s okay,” Emma promises, balancing Andy’s conversation while he hears Sutton babble in her ears, the sentences far less structured but still likely important. “Now let’s go take some pictures and get some food.”

“Because it’s Christmas,” Andy yells, running out of the room with his sister trailing right behind him.

He and Emma are never going to catch up, but that’s okay with him as he twines together their fingers and slowly walks with her out the door, laughter on both of their lips and lightness in their chests.

-/-

-/-

Clothes litter the floor, reds and blue, maybe a few green polos too. Andy’s going to his first day of kindergarten…or reception. She’s pretty sure it’s called reception, but she’s always called it kindergarten. Some things simply aren’t going to change. The point is that Andy is going to school that’s more than just a few days a week or a few hours a day, and she is not at all emotionally prepared for it. She’s completely torn apart his room and his closet even though they make him clean it up with their help at least once a week, and she can’t find something for him to wear. She thought she wanted him to wear these khaki pants and a white shirt, but she decided that was far too boring and that his baby blue shorts and a little checked shirt would work better.

But then again, there’s also green.

She’s very possibly losing her mind, but if she keeps focusing on the clothes, she won’t cry.

Being pregnant and sending her firstborn off to kindergarten is most definitely not a good combination. It most likely might be the worst combination, but it’s not like she can just not send Andy off to school. That would be a horrible thing to do, and Killian would definitely take him without her if she tried.

He needs to go to school. Andy loves his nursery classes and all of his friends, and he’s so dang excited about it that it makes her feel bad that she’s so upset about him leaving. Plus education or whatever. He needs that, and she’ll get over it. She has to get over it.

What the hell is he going to wear?

Why isn’t there a uniform?

Actually, no. She would have hated having to wear a uniform, and that just does not seem like a good idea for Andy right now. He would probably rip off the jacket or something. And she knows that Sutton would once she gets there.

Nope. Not going to think about that. That’s far too much for her.

But Killian looked so damn adorable in his school uniforms as a child, and she’s sure that Andy would look like an exact replica.

She kind of wants that.

“The blue will bring out his eyes,” Killian says softly, walking into the room and picking up some of the clothes on the floor and folding them up. She’s not sure if it’s because he’s being sweet or if he simply can’t deal with her mess. “That’s what you always tell me, and it’s true for him too. So why don’t we dress him in this?” he asks, holding out the exact outfit she’d picked out…well, one of them. She picked out a lot. “He’ll wear this, and then you can stop worrying about it.”

“Killian – ”

“Okay, okay, so I know you’re not going to stop worrying, but you can stop worrying about this and move on to worrying if he and Oliver are going to get up to no good tomorrow.” “Oh God,” she laughs, walking over to Killian and wrapping her arms around his waist while he does the same, his hands moving up and down the length of her back in a motion that is always soothing, “they so are. I can’t believe they’re in the same class.” “I can. Those two would riot if they weren’t.” She feels his lips against her forehead and her heart flutters for a moment while she nuzzles herself into his chest. He’s always so solid for her, and she can’t thank him enough for it. “I can feel your bump, my love.”

“Yeah?” “Yeah. I’m still so thankful for our little surprise baby, even if the thought of being in charge of three people makes me nervous. I’ll probably go gray soon because of it.” “You’ll be a good gray, though. Salt and pepper. Distinguished, handsome, debonair.” She kisses just below the base of his neck over the hair that’s peeking out over his shirt, and she wonders if he would let her work her lips against his collarbone despite her parents being outside. “Also, this baby is most definitely the last one. We have two who got here on accident and one who made our lives a living hell trying to conceive her. And after that too. I don’t want to deal all of that again. Plus, you know, labor sucks.” “I do know that, having been through it myself.” “Hush.” “You’re the one who said it. three is a nice number, by the way. I like it.” “You better.” She can feel him tracing indistinguishable patterns on her back while she focuses on the sound and feel of his heartbeat, the very real confirmation that he’s here and with her every step of the way. “I can’t believe our baby is going to school tomorrow.”

“Me either.”

“When in the world did we allow him to grow up?”

“Well, on September twenty-third – ”

“Shut up. I remember his birth. I did most of the work there.”

“Aye, you did. Emma, it’s going to be fine. He’s going to have a great day, and at the end of it, he’s going to come home and tell us all about how much he loved his new friends and his teacher. And then he’ll probably say something ridiculous about how he’s glad he doesn’t have to go back again. Man, that will be a harsh blow.”

She laughs against his chest, her entire body shaking at Killian’s words, and she leans back, tilting her chin up to look at Killian as he smiles down at her, his eyes very obviously scanning her face. “It’ll probably only get worse when we tell him he has to go until he’s, like, twenty-two if he goes to university.”

“Maybe we leave that part out, yeah?”

“That’s probably a good idea.” She presses up on her toes to quickly brush her lips over Killian’s, letting his scruff rub into her skin, a pleasant burn if she’s ever felt one. “Are my parents still watching the kids?”

“Yeah, they’re out by the pool. Why don’t you change into a suit and we’ll go out there?”

“I like that plan.”

She changes into an old swimsuit, one that covers a little more of her body than she usually prefers, but after a few times swimming this summer, she’s discovered that her bikinis are prone to fall off when the kids grab onto her while swimming. So those are reserved for special times and when she’s tanning a bit. It’s not particularly hot out or anything now, so she’d likely be fine walking out there in some leggings and a t-shirt.

When she slides open the kitchen door and walks out onto the stones, Indy gets up from her spot in the shade and comes to greet her, wagging her tail as Emma scratches her head. Before she can close the door, though, Indy shoots inside, and Emma shakes her head at the fact that the dog is just using her for her door opening capabilities. She can hear her kids before she can see them, the splashing and screaming obvious to anyone with ears, and as she moves along the path and through the blooming flowers, everyone comes into view.

Her mom is in the pool floating with Sutton and helping her swim even with her floaties, and Andy is leaping from float to float before sticking his head underneath the fountain that they have to replenish the water supply. Killian’s putting on lotion, slathering it down his arms and his chest, making his skin and his muscles glisten, and she has a brief thought that views like that are probably the thing that’s helped to make her pregnant three times.

It’s also probably the way he looks at her.

The way he still looks at her, like she’s been in charge of making the sun shine down on them or something. They’ve been together for nearly half of her life, and sometimes when he looks at her, she swears it’s like it’s the first time. Well, if the first time had involved affection and awe and not a tiny bit of animosity as she told him to get his wet ass out of their booth. How they got this life from that moment, she has absolutely no idea. How the greatest man she’s ever known looks at her in a way that makes her stomach still flutter, she’ll likely never know either.

There are some thoughts she’s going to keep to herself. She can share the first part, though, wolf whistling at Killian and waiting for him to wink back before she joins her dad sitting on a patio swing that’s under a bit of shade.

“Hey, sweetheart,” her dad greets, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and tugging her to him so that he can kiss her temple. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay today. My nausea is calming down, but the acid reflux sucks. And I’m still exhausted half the time, but it’s getting better.” “Good. I hate that you have to go through all of that to give me my precious grandbabies.”

“I mean, if I could change biology, I totally would, but since that’s not an option, I feel like I can deal with this for a little while. Besides, look at those lovable idiots.”

Andy is now on top of Killian’s shoulders, pulling at his father’s hair despite the fact that Killian has been in the pool for less than a minute, and Sutton is wrapped around his neck while Killian’s eyes practically bug out. They’re going to kill him, but he loves them. He’s a damn good dad. Probably super dad or something.

“Or I can look at you since you’re still my little girl.”

“Dad,” she sighs, resting her head on his shoulder while her cheeks flush. “I’m hormonal. I will cry, and you’ll have to clean up the snot.” “Nothing I’ve never done before.” “True. How did you…how did you deal with me going to kindergarten for the first time?”

“Eh, it wasn’t a big deal. We got you dressed and sent you off.”

“Really?”

“God, no. I cried like a baby the moment I got back in the car and drove to work after dropping your mother off. I didn’t think it was going to be that bad, but it was so much worse.”

“That is not at all reassuring.” “I know,” he chuckles, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. “Just telling you the truth, Ems. But you’ll be fine. It’ll hurt for a little while, but then you see your kid in his element and suddenly you’re not so sad. You’re happy that he’s becoming his own little person.”

“Yeah?”

“Most definitely. Plus, he’s going to make you all of these awful crafts and gifts for every holiday, and you’re going to display a tissue paper flower pot next to a vase you got from the King of Spain.”

“So normal people stuff then?” “Yeah, exactly.”

“Papa,” Sutton yells as Killian wades their brood toward the edge of the pool, carefully placing her on the ground and telling her to be careful as she quickly walks over to the two of them. “Papa, I can swim.”

“I know,” David gasps, picking her up despite the fact that she’s soaking wet. “I saw you. You did so good, honey.”

She watches her dad play with his granddaughter, the joy on his face so obvious, and it makes her smile to herself as she listens to them have a spirited conversation. Her dad is one of her best friends, and he’s as good with her children as he’s always been with her.

So, really, he’s the best, and she’s thankful that he’s supported her since day one.

He’s a super dad too.

They spend most of their day outside until the kids tire themselves out and go to bed early, Andy’s outfit and backpack all laid out for him in the morning. When she wakes up, Killian’s not in bed, the sheets cool to the touch, and after she vomits (so it still happens in the mornings or after she naps), she takes a shower and starts getting ready for the day. It’s still dark outside, crickets chirping, but she can see the dark blue fading into something lighter as she blows her hair dry.

She’s got absolutely no idea what Killian’s doing up as early as he is, and when she walks downstairs dressed for the day in everything but her loafers, she finds him sitting in his office flipping through a book. A photobook.

Her sweet, sweet husband.

“How long have you been looking through his baby pictures?”

“About an hour.”

“Killian,” she murmurs, walking toward him and running her hands through his hair, pushing it back off of his head and scratching his scalp because she knows that it calms him, “let’s go get breakfast ready.”

“Just a moment, love. I’m almost finished with the book.”

She sighs but nods her head, nudging him back so that she can sit down on Killian’s lap, his arm immediately wrapping around her stomach and holding her to him as his free hand ghosts over the pictures. He’s looking at one of the three of them from Ruby’s wedding weekend. They’re on the beach, Andy dressed in those adorable little anchor swim trunks that she still has in a box somewhere, and he’s got this little gummy smile on his face and Killian holds onto his fat rolls as they sit in the sand. She remembers that weekend so well, and she remembers her weird obsession with those fat rolls.

“Killian, look at that munchkin.” “I know. That’s what I’m doing down here.”

She twists her head and presses her lips against her temple, the scent of his shampoo lingering. Sometimes he tries to hide his feelings when she’s extra emotional, but she always knows that he feels it too. Finding him looking at pictures is a prime example, and her heart swells for a moment, her stomach twisting.

“I’ll tell you what,” she mumbles into his skin, running her hand over his bicep, “why don’t we go get him ready, and then after it’s all over, you and I can come back here and go through all of these memories, okay?” He nods into her hair, nose pressed against her scalp. “I like this plan.”

“Good.” Killian starts on breakfast while she runs upstairs to get Andy ready for school, waking him up more easily than she ever has as he shoots up out of bed already blabbering about how excited he is to go to school today. He’s so excited that he insists on dressing himself only for his short to go on backwards and for Emma to have to struggle to get him to fix it because he likes the way that it looks. His hair is an entirely different story. He likes to keep it wild because that’s what his dad does, and it doesn’t matter how many times they show him that Killian sometimes styles his, Andy refuses.

He refuses until Killian does it for him. Kids are so weird.

“I’m going to school,” he announces, sliding into the kitchen and scrambling onto a stool while she holds Sutton on her hip. Sutton is still half asleep, rubbing her eyes with her hair still all over the place from her sleep. “Dad, Dad, Dad. Did you know that I’m going to school? Are these waffles? Do they have chocolate chips in them?”

“Blueberries,” Killian laughs, sliding him a plate with an already cut up waffle and a glass of water. “You cannot have sugar before your first big day at school.”

Andy shrugs before he starts scarfing the food down at lightning speed, and Killian has to slow him down while she settles down on a stool and picks off of the plate that Killian hands her for she and Sutton to share.

Sutton hums as she takes her bites, stuffing them in her mouth nearly as fast as Andy does, and while Killian goes to get ready, she has to keep the both of them from choking on their food while they talk to her and to each other. They don’t know that she’s having another kid yet, and she can only imagine how the reactions are going to be.

Or what it’s going to be like to keep three kids from choking on blueberry waffles all at once.

Elsa shows up to watch Sutton while they take Andy to school, and for the short ride over, Killian interlaces his free hand with hers as they listen to Andy talk all about what he and Oliver are going to do today only for Killian to tell him that no, he cannot climb a tree on the playground.

“Alright, bud,” Emma sighs as she gets out of the car and unbuckles Andy’s booster seat, her heart beating quickly in her chest while she tries to push back the nausea that’s coming back a bit, “are you ready to go inside?”

“I get to take my Andy backpack inside?”

“Yep,” she promises, grabbing his little red bag with his name monogrammed across it. It’s actually got Andrew Killian written on it because once Andy found out his middle name was the same as his dad’s first, he’s really liked saying his full name. “You get to carry it with you and put it in your cubby.”

“Good. It’s got my crayons in it.”

She takes his hand and holds on as they walk to the school entrance with Killian holding onto Andy’s other hand and Thomas discreetly walking behind them despite the fact that they wanted this to be as low key as possible.

“Those picture people are here,” Andy points out, glancing over to the photographers that are posed outside of the school. She didn’t want them here today, but she didn’t have any way to keep them away since they’re not on school grounds.

“Yeah, Andy, they are,” she whispers, tugging him closer to her side and ignoring all of the photographers until they’re inside the school doors where the three of them can have a moment to themselves just outside of his classroom door. “Alright, baby,” she sighs, squatting down to his level and brushing his hair back again while she looks into those baby blue eyes, “you’re going to be on your best behavior today, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And you’re going to listen to Mrs. Murray?”

“Mhm.”

He’s obviously anxious to go inside, his eyes glancing toward the door while he fidgets, so she pulls him into an embrace and cups the back of his head while she kisses his forehead. “I love you, Andy.”

“I love you, Mummy.”

She laughs into his hair and pulls back so Killian can give Andy a hug too.

“I love you, lad.”

“I love you too. Can I go now?”

“Yes,” Killian sighs, glancing up at her with those identical baby blue eyes, “you can go. Just don’t run.”

“We’re so getting a call about misbehavior before the day is over,” she chuckles even as she wipes the tears from her eyes.

“Yeah,” Killian sighs, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and kissing her temple, “we definitely are. I’m kind of looking forward to it.”

-/-

-/-

Her hair smells like peppermint, which is unfamiliar and yet no less pleasant than the usual smell of vanilla or flowers from her perfume that often mixes in, and he wonders if he can convince her to take home this shampoo that she bought six days ago when she realized that she forgot to pack anything other than the kids’ bath products. He’s sure that he could, that he could get her to invest in something that makes her smell like hot chocolate and Christmas, something that makes her smell like this house with the snow falling down outside at such a pace that they’ll be buried in it sooner rather than later.

Emma twitches in her sleep, a small puff of air passing through her lips and falling on the skin of his neck, warm breath tickling along his flesh that causes bumps to rise and a chill to cover him that has nothing to do with the weather. For the briefest of moments he believes that she’s about to wake from her slumber, but then she’s burying her face further into his neck, into the thick sweater he has on, and her face disappears only for it to be replaced with her hair, silky blonde waves falling down her back, the tips ending in the middle of her waist just over where her own sweater has risen up to expose the smooth skin of the small of her back and the way that her waist dips in the slightest bit right at her hips.

It’s been awhile since they’ve had a quiet morning like this where he can trail his fingers through her hair while she sleeps, his other hand free to trace along her arm from where it’s wrapped around his waist. Usually they have Andy to get to primary school, Sutton to nursery, and Collins, well, they simply have to keep her alive and well. They’ve both made efforts not to work in the mornings so they can be there for their children as much as they can. He doesn’t often like to take too much advantage of his position in life, but he does when it comes to making decisions on their schedules. His main focuses in his life are his wife and his children, and if he can, he schedules himself to be away from them as little as possible.

Back in November he’d traveled to Canada for a week with his mother since his father wasn’t feeling like traveling to North America, and it had been one of the most difficult weeks of his life. He loved not having to deal with his kids for a little while, loved sleeping in a bed by himself, but he missed them all so damn much. And he could tell how difficult it was for Emma to not have his help. She had all kinds of help, but it’s different when it’s not someone who you work with and live with on a daily basis.

Now, though, they’re resting in a house in Switzerland, he and Emma cocooned in a bedroom on the top floor of the house that’s pretty much made up of windows that allow them to see the mountaintops and the snow falling, landing on the ground and covering it in a soft white blanket that the sun likes to glisten off of in the mornings when the it rises, covering everything in a soft yellow glow that brings him more comfort than snow usually does. He usually thinks it’s a cold, wet mess, but he’ll enjoy it from the comfort of his bed.

Andy and Sutton are downstairs sharing a room, the two of them practically bouncing off of the walls to get to be on winter holiday and to sleep in a room with bunkbeds, the both of them claiming a top bunk. Collins is resting in her bassinet in the sitting room just next door to them, and she’s been sleeping since around nine last night. Of all of their children, she’s the calmest. It’s a bit of whiplash after Sutton and the whirlwind that she consistently is, but he likes the calm of Collins and the way that unless someone makes far too loud of a noise, she quietly sits by herself and plays with her toys or babbles to he and Emma. She’s almost ready to speak. He can just feel it somewhere deep in his bones.

She’s got blonde hair, too. They thought that was going to be Sutton, but no, her hair has officially morphed into a light brown. Andy’s still got a black mop of hair, that never really changed, but he thinks he’s got another Emma on his hands from the blonde wisps that continue to grow on his Linnie’s head. She’s got his eyes, though, and while he knows Emma loves that, he is so partial to Emma’s eyes over his.

He won’t ever tell Andy and Collins that, though. He loves their eyes just the same.

“You’re thinking really loudly,” Emma mumbles into his chest before he can feel her lips against his throat, softness and warmth consuming him all at once.

“I can promise you I’m not,” he whispers, his hand continuing to play with her hair. She’s barely coherent, her words slurred, and sometimes it’s like they’re still two kids who are on a trip to Switzerland drinking far too much cheap wine and eating too much junk food without a care or responsibility in the world. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Probably,” she huffs, looping her leg over his hip and resting it on the other side of him. If he wanted to, he could shift his body the slightest bit and urge them into a slide of skin against skin, but he’s okay resting like this for a little while longer. He’s watching a snowflake melt on the window anyways. “What time is it?”

“Little after six thirty.”

She groans into his skin before flopping her entire body down with all of the grace of a swan and turning her head to the side so that he can see her profile, freckles on sun-kissed cheeks and blonde lashes resting against the freckles. Goodness, does he love her. More than anything.

“Why are you awake?”

“The sky’s awake, so I’m awake.” “Nope, no, nope. It’s far too early to be quoting children’s movies,” she huffs, tightening her grip around his stomach and pressing her head up so that he can feel her lips against his chin, the softness contrasting with the harshness of his scruff. Sometimes he wonders if that’s how he and Emma are, a contrast of light and dark, of soft curves and hard edges, but he knows that somewhere along the way they managed to morph together into a blurred mixture, the softness and light staying and the harsh darkness peeking out when it’s needed.

“Whatever shall I quote then? The opera? More mature films? And no, not the dirty ones, love. Let’s see, let’s see,” he hums, tapping his fingers against the skin of her back. “Songs? Are we thinking classical or modern? Television shows? Authors? Your mother?”

“Shut up,” she laughs, gently slapping his shoulder and nuzzling into his chest again. “It’s so pretty outside.”

“Aye, beautiful. You think our old bodies will hold up again out there today?”

“Don’t you know never to call your wife’s body old?”

“I’ve never been one for following rules.”

“True. I was thinking that since it’s our last day here that we kind of have a chill day inside, eat some food, watch some movies, and then we can take the kids out to play in the snow for a little while, maybe finally get the family photo we’ve been trying to get since the first day.” “Thomas is not a great photographer.”

“Or we’re not photogenic.”

“So I can’t call your body old, but you can say I’m not photogenic.”

“Double standards, babe. I only disagree with them when it benefits me.”

He gently slaps her ass in retaliation, enjoying the yelp that she lets out, before she unwraps herself from him and sits up next to him, tucking herself into his side. It’s such a good fit, the two of them, and he often likes to think of how she can curl herself into him without there being limbs in awkward places, just her arms around his stomach and her feet tucked into his calves searching for the warmth that she’s always lacking there.

“I think I could do for a lazy day. A holiday while on our holiday so that we can recover from everything. I took a pretty nasty fall yesterday, and I would bet my bum is bruising.”

“I’m not checking out your ass right now if that’s what you’re hinting at me to do.”

“I was being serious, but it’s nice to know where your mind goes.” “My mind is always in the gutter. It’s got a nice little home set up there.”

“Do you have a place for all of your sweaters?”

“Right next to the place where you can keep your socks when you come to visit.”

“So sweet,” he snickers, rolling his eyes and twisting his head to the side to press his lips against the corner of Emma’s until he can get her upper lip between both of his, teasingly biting down for a minute before pulling back and smattering kisses against her cheek while her fingers twist the hair on his chest, a shiver running down his spine with each curl of her fingers. “You’re always thinking of me, and I appreciate that.”

“Well, sometimes I’m not. You know, I like to think about food and the ending of Game of Thrones that I’m still not over and then sometimes about the spawn we made with our genitals.”

He sputters out a laugh, tears forming behind his eyes, and he has to tuck his face into her hair, smelling the peppermint again and reveling in it. “I love you so goddamn much.”

He feels her hand in his hair, nails scratching against his scalp, and he swears he can feel her lips against his head even though he knows that he cannot. “I love you, baby daddy. Speaking of our genital spawn, I’m going to go get Linnie so we can cuddle with her for a bit.”

“She could be asleep.”

“Trust me. She’s not. I also know that she needs to eat. My boobs are full.”

“Don’t I know it?”

“You’re a child,” she sighs, kissing his cheek and pulling back from him as she gets out of bed, her feet pounding against the floor when she hops off the tall frame, and walks through the doorway to the sitting room.

While she’s gone, he takes the opportunity to use the restroom and grab a new pair of socks for both he and Emma, the cool ground reminding him of the chill that’s been seeping through the crevices of the home. It doesn’t take long before Emma has returned, Collins changed into a new set of pajamas with her hair combed through, and Emma settles into bed with her, pulling the blankets up over the two of them, completely ignoring the socks that he left out.

“Hello, Linnie,” he whispers, leaning forward and kissing the crown of her head while she smiles at him, her nickname always making her smile for some reason. “Did you sleep well? Mummy didn’t keep you up with her snoring?”

“No,” she answers, and his lips fall open as his stomach flips.

“Did she just speak?”

“Did you just say that I snore?”

“That is so not what’s important here, love,” he laughs, looking up at her before he takes Collins out of Emma’s arms and places her in his lap while he tries to convince her to say no again. She doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean he can’t at least try.

His last little lady just said her first word, and he’s so damn proud.

It’s not long before Andy and Sutton join them, quietly opening the door to see that he and Emma are awake before they barge in, jumping on the bed as quickly as they can, even with Sutton’s struggle to climb up on her own, her legs nowhere near as long as Andy’s. They’re all a mess, filling every second of silence with talking about what they want to eat for breakfast and what kind of snowmen they’re going to build outside or what movies to watch. Andy and Sutton get into a bit of a row about using carrots for the nose (“Noses aren’t orange, Andy.”), but eventually they calm down and he and Emma get everyone downstairs, fed, and dressed to go outside so that they can build snowmen with whatever kind of nose that they want.

“Andy, you have to stop squirming so we can get this picture.”

“Why do you need a picture of me when you can see me right now?”

“So I can see you later.”

“Where am I going to be that you can’t see me?” “Yeah, where’s Andy going to be?” Sutton cries, the tears obviously in her voice.

“Andy isn’t going anywhere,” Emma explains, looking over at Killian and rolling her eyes while the pom pom on her head moves and snow continues to fall down around them. “You guys are being silly, and the faster you stop and smile for Thomas to take our picture, the faster we can get back to playing.” “I was kind of hoping I could go to Hogwarts,” Andy huffs under his breath.

Okay, so maybe they shouldn’t have started reading Harry Potter to their seven-year-old quite yet, but he’ll figure it out eventually.

They eventually get their family photo before letting the kids scramble off into the snow, only making them come inside so that their non-carrot noses don’t turn blue. Emma’s been making them grilled cheese and hot chocolate, and his mind replays with decade old memories of her making him try one of those blasted sandwiches for the first time as she sat on a countertop not too far from here. He still hates them, but his kids like them.

And the hot chocolate isn’t too bad.

Neither is the company.

“Marshmallows look like snow,” Sutton sighs, poking her drink. “Can I eat snow?”

“If it’s not yellow.”

“Killian,” Emma gasps, twisting around with her mouth gaping open, “you have to also warn about green snow too. And purple. If you eat purple snow, phew, I think your stomach will explode.”

“What?”

“Cool.”

“Gross.”

“Where is the purple snow?” Andy questions, running his fingers over his chin in contemplation while Sutton continues to eat her marshmallows one by one and Linnie wanders around the kitchen hooked into her jumper so that they can keep track of where she wanders.

“On the other side of the mountain, I think,” Emma mutters under her breath as she walks over to him and hands him his mug of hot chocolate with a sweet smile. “Or we can get some grape juice and pour it on the snow outside.”

“If purple snow tastes like grape juice, why can’t we eat it?”

“They raise a good question, love.”

“They do, don’t they?” she hums, closing her eyes and taking sip of her chocolate, obviously to buy more time. “Well, I think it goes like this. If Mommy helps you make the colorful snow, we can eat it. If I don’t, that’s a no go.”

“Why would we even want to eat snow, Sutton?” Andy wonders, turning his head and propping his face up on his hand as he talks to his sister.

She shrugs, taking another sip of her drink and coming away with a line of chocolate on her lips. “Cause marshmallows are yummy, and I can’t reach where Mummy hides them.”

“I can,” he whispers, but it’s loud enough that both he and Emma can hear it. “I’ll get you some later.”

And that explains why Emma keeps blaming him for eating the chocolate candy she hides at the top of the kitchen cabinet. Andy is obviously pilfering it, and they’re going to have to start locking down their cabinets. Or find a new hiding place. The locks might be easier.

They never do end up making purple or any other colored snow. Instead they curl up under blankets and pillows and watch their forever favorite of Finding Nemo (“Why doesn’t my fish talk, Dad?”) despite his insistence that they try something else out. His kids love repetition, and he swears that if all of their movies lost sound, he could act out all of the scenes for all the words that he knows. He’s almost excited when new ones come out and he sees them for the first time, but then he realizes that this one is going to go into the memory banks as well.

Next time he’s in Australia he’s definitely going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Well, he doesn’t think that’s a real address, but if it were, he’d definitely buy the keychain.

One by one, they fall asleep, Collins breathing a steady rhythm against his chest far before Sutton spreads out on an armchair and Andy falls asleep with his nose pressed into the couch cushions. They can’t leave them that way, so in a continual team effort, he and Emma move them all to their resting places before finally getting to fall asleep themselves.

When they get back to England the next day, it’s a mess of carrying in suitcases and children, trying to balance unpacking with Indy dragging clothes and undergarments all over the house out of her excitement to have them home after being away from her for a week. He’s sure that sometime tomorrow he’ll find Emma’s bra resting next to the pool or one of Sutton’s bows resting atop his toothbrush. But they get it mostly done, especially after the kids all go to bed, and after he’s brushed his teeth and showered, he heads downstairs to the kitchen and finds Emma standing behind the island eating a spoonful of yogurt.

Her hair is unwashed and unruly, tendrils falling down from her bun, even more escaping the band that’s holding it up as she sways back and forth to the music in her head that only she can hear. She’s still got on her clothes from the plane ride, an unknown stain just over her right breast and, and he’s sure if he were to look in her back pocket, there’d be a packet of crushed crackers that she had for Sutton and forgot about before she sat down. She’s ridiculous and beautiful, and he loves her, stained t-shirt and all.

“Hey, handsome,” she teases, leaning over the kitchen counter as he walks further into the room, settling down on a barstool like he did so many times before in a completely different setting, one that lacked their children’s photos on the shelves and their wedding portraits on the walls. “Is there something I can do for you?”

Give me my entire life, he thinks to himself, knowing Emma would affectionately mutter something about him being cheesy if he were to say it out loud.

“No,” he says instead, reaching over and twining his fingers together with Emma’s over the countertop, his thumb tapping over her knuckles while he smiles at her simply because he can, simply because she makes him happy, “I’m good just like this.”

[syncogon]

qzgs prequel movie pv3 thoughts

i swear this is the best pv yet like damn. the music? incredible. legitimately gave me chills

(more commentary from before)

as always, big fan of the scenery in this movie

cute!! also interesting that they’re using a different voice for him vs yx, though i suppose that makes sense

if anyone else watches the promised neverland, his face here gave me big ray vibes, esp when he was admitting to ------

“clup jia shi” up there in upper left corner. why couldn’t they have translated to Excellent Era like they did for Royal Style?? gah that’s gonna bother me so much

nice writing. nice highlighting that famous-ass quote

HAHAHA are the sponsors in this movie just the movie producers lol

wxf spokesperson!! i love it. also, knowing basically nothing about these characters, assuming nothing in the movie goes against it, i am ready to help push wxf/xm and qtr/yx2, let’s goooo

and the girl kinda looks like tr from the back haha

i know we’ll prob get very little of royal style aside from ll and gmy (which, by the way, i can’t wait to see what they’re doing with them as a duo, hahaha, they’re really taking bb’s mistake and running with it, very interested to see their characters. gmy seems to lowkey remind me of a prince of tennis character but idk who, he just seems like he’d fit in that universe)

my breath actually stopped at this. like, damn.

will accept novel inconsistencies if they look cool! like this!!

yx2... my boi... it’s really nice to hear these chars’ voices since we haven’t really gotten them talking yet (aside from that one thing they released for yx’s bday)

v curious who this is! though it’s almost certainly xmk so i guess im not that curious lol

angry boi. (diff scene from the last one though, even though the cut makes it seem like it’s the same scene)

i love this! natural interpersonal intrateam drama! we get very little of that in novel, happy comes together shockingly well, so im really excited to see ee overcoming differences and struggles and really coming together into a cohesive unit. (and knowing that this cohesive unit goes on to create a dynasty... :’) )

yx2 looks so much shorter than wxf in this shot, even though we know and have seen above the opposite is true, so i wonder if he’s just like 80% slouched under that table hahaha

so nice to see them in casual outfits tho! 

scythe fights are so. cool! big fan of the arcing slashes

yx: :3

yx: >:/

called it!! called it, folks. our friend swoksaar is online. 

indeed, shameless grizzled old wei chen controlled a pretty boy account back in the day. wonder if we’ll get to see 20 yr old wc?

wxf turning to look at yx! (i wonder why they didn’t put captain/vc next to each other tho)

gotta say, royal style’s black w/ gold is nice

intense stare!

i like this shot, w the ee ppl small and under the scythe. v well framed!

eyes look strangely dull hm

need me a pocket yx of confidence

(...why is he taking off the mask rn tho?)

i hope that’s my qi guard. we’re getting so little of wxf/qi breaker in these pvs even compared to the other og ee and it’s making me worried

what kinda thumbs up was that?

also the animation in that shot was super smooth, almost like cgi

super super cool shot!!

:’)

are those gauntlets she’s putting on or smth? so cool tho

im ready to love this girl cmon don’t let me down

i want to know about this universe’s gmy!!

yx’s torso looks weirdly long haha

fingers crossed for some solid char dev

:’) so pretty

looks like he has a beard in this shot

(took me a sec to realize he was pointing his staff and not like... holding his forearm to the air or smth lol)

qtr/yx2 coordination!!!!! it’s so pretty (kinda looks like transmutation circle lol)

(i think tumblr is killing the quality of these images argh)

CHILLS.

HIS EYEBROWS LOL

stole live action yx oal’s mask huh

thats like enough hair to clog a drain wtf

so beautiful?? what is. he asking yx2 milk dad for?? watch him be asking him not to heal him and then he dies

(quiet sobbing) show his full face let us. hear him you cowards...

evil annih is SO pretty in this shot!! smq would be happy :’)

it’s the same shot that was in the other pv, but no green this time. hm...

will not screenshot all of them but but oal silhouetted against the explosion is super pretty

they both look like “ugh here we go again”

...hm if they end this match on yx vs ll+gmy i will be kind of sad ngl “win together” my butt (wheres wxf...)

this is an extraordinarily memeable image, i need to save it

SO cool

super saiyan oal! seventh rank battle spirit! wheres the fanart

beautiful dragon!!

and that’s a wrap folks. we are just under 2 weeks away, let’s gooooo

(wonder if we’ll get one final pv? :0) 

[perpetua47]

An artist asked if they could have all of the photos for gesture references, and y’all seem to really like some of my blurry photos, so here’s a lot more blurry ones! Enjoy! Also, i finally wrote up my impressions of the show and the meet and greet, if anyone is interested. Very light on spoilers! 

- Brian really upped the danger level in this Unraveled, it was good dramatic development and got great emotional engagement from the crowd. He’s really refining his craft. If you’re a musical theater fan, I think you gonna like this. :)   - Everyone in the audience was entirely well behaved, as far as I know. The energy was great (I was in the front row, so maybe people were doing excessive amounts of dabbing or wiggle arms or something, but no one ever shouted anything weird.)

- Brian was under the table before the show. I was genuinely looking around and wondering where he would come in from. When Allegra and Pat are talking? Brian’s under the table next to them. Those first pictures where he’s standing behind the table with his arms raised triumphantly? He had just jumped up from under a table. He claimed he was down there for 20 minutes and got pretty hot. 

- He had no notes (except the occasional slide). He memorized everything he did. He worked SO HARD and it’s SO GOOD and he didn’t give up on his dreams of being a baker! *sob* “It's the best bread I've ever had”

- There’s one bit where I genuinely couldn’t tell if Pat was trolling Brian or if it was all preplanned. Afterwards I realized it must have been planned, but at the time it felt super real to me. Brian went up to Pat’s table, acted offended, and had a really adorable huffy hop off the stage. I have video of that hop, if it doesn’t wind up in the final cut. 

- I suspect “Kevin Punt” is a fake name. :) - While the microphone was a fun prop at times, I wished he had a mic that didn’t cover his face so much. I hope the sound came out well, it was very echo-y. Fine to hear at the time, but. (I’m sure it’s fine, they are professionals, Simone had giant headphones on, I just worry.) - The jacket removal was fantastic for the crowd energy. So good. Really good management of crowd energy all around. (THE DREAM BALLET!!!) - The enforcers were stressed about the size of the room before anyone showed up. 2 hours before the show I was talking to one (Matt! You’ll meet them in the video), and they said it was added to the schedule late, everyone knew this room was too small for the crowd he’d get, etc. While we were talking about this, my spouse said “and Brian’s right over there” and I panicked and hid behind a friend - I had thought, foolishly, perhaps I was too old for that kind of reaction. Apparently not! I’ve met famous people I really respect before - I was way more chill talking 1:1 with Neil Gaiman, whose work was hugely influential to teenage me. (All the other students in my department were too intimidated to talk to him until I did.)  I’m old enough to have babysat Brian. Pokemon didn’t even come out till I was in high school. And yet, when I got to meet him afterwards, I think I was shaking a little. - They opened the queue room doors at 90m beforehand, but some people had been milling about since 2 hours before the show. (Including me, but I’d just come from a panel in that room and I wasn’t going to leave.) We were instructed to move slowly and form a line. I can easily imagine it having been a bit messy if we didn’t have several enforcers keeping us in line. I had counted the front row seats during a previous panel, and I knew I was in the first 10 people and would be fine, but I kept recounting anyway. (I really wanted to get photos!) People did get into the line who weren’t there when the doors opened, but it was full 1h10m in advance. People were mostly able to sit down, there were performers, cookies were sold for charity, the comparison to fyre festival was totally unwarranted. :) I was trying not to dwell on not having asked to get a photo with Brian when we’d been in the room so I watched Unraveled videos and tried to be chill.  - The whole show ran something like 40 minutes (I honestly hope they leave it all in the final video, it’s all golden). The song is about 9 minutes. At the end he said he couldn’t think of anything that would kill the mood as quick as a Q&A, and announced the meet and greet. (He had an hour, and we each got max 30 seconds, hugs were freely available.) I engaged in GREAT RESTRAINT in not bolting for the door immediately - but my careful maneuvering to be in the front row of the show meant I was in the first ~15 people to talk to him. I had been planning for weeks what I would say to him if I got somehow got a few seconds with him, not really thinking it would actually happen. I did not expect *thirty whole seconds*. I kept thinking of his polygon cover letter video, and talking about how polygon videos helped an anxious guy like him, and decided that yes, I should say the thing about how his music helped me get through [recent shitty personal thing], and how much I specifically love his cover of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. If this really was his first real fan meet up, as was suggested on Tumblr, then I might have been one of the first people to get super emotional in person about how much I love his music and how much he means? I think he looks genuinely happy in the pictures with me, I hope he was.

- My spouse was taking photos the whole time. He asked my name, we hugged, I said the thing, we laughed, we took real photos, and then I turned to leave, and turned back and I darted in for a quick final hug. Then I left and sort of collapsed in happiness in the hall. Y’all, Brian gives really good hugs. I hope he had an awesome time meeting and hugging fans, and that he does lots more of these, and that *everyone* gets a chance to hug him. World Hug Tour. I’m a very emotionally open and PDAish person, and I hug a lot. I get complimented on the quality of my hugs, I know from hugs, and these were damn good hugs. I know he’s a stranger, and we had 30 seconds together, but I said an emotionally vulnerable thing, and I felt heard and like he appreciated me, and I felt safe and secure in that hug. I wish those thirty seconds less blurry in my memory, but I HAVE PHOTOS. (I also kept the SD card on my person that night, in case my camera got stolen out of my car or something. After taking pictures of my camera view screen with my phone. I’ve lost photos before - NEVER AGAIN.)

- Also I made a sappy tweet about how great he was AND HE LIKED THE TWEET.

- Of the dozen or so meetings I saw, most people said something brief and got a hug and a picture together, or asked him to record a video message (or talk to a person waiting on the phone.) While I was there, Simone was standing near him out with the crowds, and Pat was wandering back and forth on the other side of the room, occasionally crossing the barrier to be in videos.

- It’s been three days and I’m still just SO HAPPY. I almost didn’t get to go to PAX, there was a ton of complicated stress about it all, and I am, as stated above, SO HAPPY that I went. I’ve never had popular posts on tumblr before, and I know hundreds of likes and reblogs (and using the photos for memes! And Catholic sculpture comparisons!!!) means hundreds of smiles, and that’s just amazing, y’all.  I’m so glad Brian brings us all so much happiness, and that we bring it to each other. I’ve been in and out of fandom for two decades, and everything is just so nice here! I should probably delurk on that polygang discord. :)