#also were not gonna question my german

[noclosertoheavenmp3]

When you realise you dont exist to people when you're not with them: Oh mein gott! Ich bin ein NPC geworden!

[bamfkeeper]

Pregnancy

RQ: 'Hi! Hope you’re having a good day! I Saw your requests were open! Would I be able to get some headcannons for Kurt as a father/with a pregnant reader? If not that’s perfectly fine!' - @cherri-leaf

Warnings: Kurt x f!reader, pregnancy topics, birth and baby themes

A/N: This is not helping my baby fever. Do I care? Nope. Soo happy to get one of these, I love writing things like this. Ignore any grammar errors bitte und danke.

Kurt would be the best father to be. When he found out you were pregnant, he was completely overjoyed.

He would absolutely do everything in his power to make sure that you are comfortable and happy throughout your pregnancy. He can hardly wait, and he'd want you completely stress-free during.

Kurt would always ask what he can do to help, he wouldn't want you bending over or lifting anything.

Kurt is an excellent cook, so he'd be cooking a lot of your meals. He doesn't want to control you, but he only wants you to be eating the best foods he can get you. And cooking it himself, he knows exactly what is going in your body and feeding your baby.

His German heritage comes out more, he likes to feed you typical German meals, most of which are high in protein and good for your body. Lot of meat and potatoes, and lots of fruits and veggies.

He does let you have desserts too, he makes them himself though. Or if you want to bake with him that's obviously okay! He loves to bake, as long as you don't get too tired with your belly.

He loves massaging you, knowing how laborious and exhausting pregnancy can be. He always tries his best to massage parts that hurt. Kurt massages your legs, ankles, feet, back. He also tenderly will massage your breasts, it's good for milk production and to help the tissue as your milk comes in.

One of his favorite things is to sit down and lay his head beside your belly. He loves listening to your little one most around, gently rubbing over it and speaking to it. He talks in German to your little one, speaking soft and sweet, laying kisses all over your stomach.

Kurt does a ton of research on pregnancy too. Before you are even pregnant and you're both trying, he reads books and watches videos of pregnancy and what it does to your body, getting as much information as possible about it. He wants to know what he can do to take the best care of you. Plus he wants to understand what's happening to the love of his life.

Some of it makes him cringe, and he frowns seeing how your internal organs shift, or all the symptoms and mental strain pregnancy causes. "Liebe...I will do everything I can to help you. It is scary, but I will be right here." he reassures, even if you have no worries about it.

Does he go nuts over the nursery? YES. Circus themed, naturally. Without the bad parts of his youth of course. Lots of fun colors, circus stuffies, (elephants, zebras, lions, tigers, bears, oh my!), and he absolutely paints it with you.

He also loves to shower you with gifts during your pregnancy, some for the baby, but some for you too. He always makes sure your friends know what you need when the baby showers comes along.

Baby clothes shopping? He goes nuts. "Liebe, bitte, bitte our little one has to have lederhosen! Bitte!" he begs and pleads with you, and you can't resist for long.

He makes a lot of jokes when your baby moves around a lot. "Heh, takin' after me already? Mein Gott...a little acrobat you are..." he coos to your belly, "Careful now, little one, you're gonna hurt your mama." he kisses your belly where the baby seems to be doing summer saults.

Kurt does really well with your hormonal changes too. He understands, sometimes you get impatient or lose your temper, never at him, but things are so overwhelming and stressful sometimes. You get frustrated with your self esteem or the fact that standing up is always a struggle. He calms you down, helping you ground yourself. "What do you need, schatz...anything. Food, space, love?" he questions, wanting to ensure you are okay.

When you go into labor, he tries his best to stay calm but...he can't help it. He freaks out. He rushes to you, no teleporting, it makes you too dizzy. He helps you to Beast's lab, no hospitals, he heard about how they treated Madelyne, he didn't want to deal with that.

You feel better surrounded by friendly faces anyway.

Of course it's just him in the room when you do give birth, he talks you through, telling you how good you're doing...how close you are, to breathe, etc.

He is so worried, giving you lots of love and making sure you're doing okay above all else.

When your little one arrives, he is in complete awe. Imagine how you want the baby to look ofc, but come on...it's gotta be a little blue!

It is such a sweet bundle of joy, it doesn't cry more than necessary when it's first born, and you hold your baby as it's placed on you. Kurt doesn't care if it is a boy or girl, that is his little one and he will cherish it with you.

Kurt respects the motherly bonding, so he steps back and lets you hold and be the first one to cuddle and kiss, and of course warm the baby with your skin. It's a sight he won't forget.

Ideally, he'd like to name the baby a German name, but he of course talks with you if you have any cultural or personal preference. You both come to a conclusion on what to name your new baby.

He's the best after too. He does everything he can while you recover with the baby, and helps wherever is needed. He helps if you nurse, he cleans and cooks still, makes sure you have hot showers ready, anything you could imagine.

You know you and your baby will be forever and always be loved by your adorning blue teleporter ~

Thanks for reading.

*BAMF*

Dividers by @/adornedwithlight

[percervall]

it's a bad idea (fuck it, it's fine) — part 2

Summary: your housemates give you an offer you can't refuse. What's the worst that could happen? Pairing: Jenson Button x fem!reader, Fernando Alonso x fem!reader, Sebastian Vettel x fem!reader, Mark Webber x fem!reader Warnings: discussions around consent Word count: 827

Part 2 of the Fuck It series

Pushing the plate away from you, you lean back in the chair as you rest the coffee mug on the knee that’s pulled up to your chest. You’re lucky that Fernando is also more of a coffee person and quickly learnt just how you like yours once you moved in. Sometimes you still wonder how on God’s green earth you ended up being roommates with some of motorsports finest. 

Looking around the table, you can’t help but smile as they tease each other about something that happened during the last race. Jenson laughs at Fernando’s misfortune although he is quick to sympathise seeing as they’re in the same boat with regards to their cars being nowhere near Mercedes or even Sebastian’s Ferrari. For as long as you’ve known him, Jenson has always been easy going. His teasing and generally positive attitude is what led to the two of you becoming friends in the first place. And because of that friendship, you became a lot closer to Fernando as well when he rejoined McLaren. The two of them had an easy partnership, both on and off the track, and whenever you joined a race, Jenson made sure to include you in their conversations. Somehow being friends with both of them also meant you got to know Mark a lot better, and in turn Sebastian as well. The Aussie had retired from the sport well before you met Jenson, but he remained a constant in the paddock with his punditry job for Channel4. And from what you were told, the German driver had mellowed out since his RedBull days. The four of them seem to have such a deep understanding of each other, they work together seamlessly. Apparently even more so than you had expected.

And therein also lies the problem. Because while sharing seems to be somewhat normal for them, it makes you wonder where that leaves you in this arrangement. Would it always be like this morning, where they’re all involved in one way or another? How can you make sure it’s equal? Would they take turns? The thought alone has you swallowing thickly as your mind whirls with fantasies. 

“Are you okay, doll?” Jenson’s voice cuts through your thoughts.

“Yeah, yeah. Just-.. Just thinking,” you reply, taking another sip from your now luke-warm coffee. The men share a look that you decide to ignore as you down what’s left of your coffee.

“I don’t regret this morning,” you say, worried they will misinterpret your hesitancy.

“But?” Sebastian fills in for you.

“But it leaves me with. Questions,” you add, not making eye contact. 

“You can ask us anything, sweetheart,” Mark says gently and Jenson gives your knee a squeeze. Taking a moment to gather your thoughts you look out of the window.

“I guess the biggest question I have is how will this work? If we’re really gonna do this, if I’m gonna-.. Will it always be one on one or-.. Or will everyone be involved?” Something like desire swoops low in your stomach as you voice the latter part of the question and you can feel your cheeks heat up. 

“That is very much up to you, sweetheart,” Mark says, as the other three nod in agreement.

“We should have some sort of system, like to check if you’re okay with whatever will happen,” Sebastian offers, “do you have a safe word already?”

“A safe word? I-.. No, my ex wasn’t one for anything other than missionary and the occasional oral,” you confess, stomach in knots at the implications of maybe having to use a safe word. 

“I use traffic light system, very easy to follow and understand,” Fernando comments. Your imagination runs wild with all the possible scenarios in which Fernando would use this system.

“Hey, it’s just a way to make sure it’s fun and pleasurable for everyone,” Jenson says quietly, picking up on the way your head is going about a mile a minute. You nod, taking a deep breath. The longer you think about it, the more sense it makes. Having this in place will make sure, like Jenson said, that everyone is having a good time. You had just never considered that you are allowed to check in and see whether you’re okay with what’s about to happen. While it never felt like you didn’t have a choice in your previous relationship, consent was not something that was actively discussed; It was just always assumed. And in hindsight you maybe let him get away with blurring more boundaries than you had realised. 

“Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense,” you say, relaxing back into the chair. 

“Like Mark said, whatever we do, it’s up to you,” Sebastian reiterates. You nod in understanding once more, the knot in your stomach untangling slowly. You had trusted them enough to be roommates for the last year and a half without them overstepping a boundary or taking advantage of you. They care, you think, they’re not him. Fernando presses a kiss to your temple as he pours you another cup.

“It’ll be fun, nena,” he says with a wicked glint in his eyes, and the implications have you clenching your thighs together. Something tells you Fernando could very well be right. 

A smaller part to establish the relationship between the five of them a little bit more and to set things up for what's to come 👀

Feel free to let me know what you think (or any ideas you have for this series), your comments, tags, and likes means the world to me 💜

taglist: @2pagenumb @alishamai @anotherblackreader @Barbare2 @blackcat-mors13 @cassielikesreading @champomiel  @dannyramirezwife @darkwaterrose @brklynlewis @the-depressed-fellow @emlynblack @forza55 @heyheyheyggg @hiireadstuff @honkyscats @hrts4scarr @jeffs77 @jaimeleannavanlloman @Leaderofthebadbitchbrigade @lightdragonrayne  @mehrmonga @prttypqrtts @raizelchrysanderoctavius @ruledbyproblematique @scarlett11xo @skatingiswalkingincursive @tallrock35 @thatsadsmallchild @szobosz @vinvantae @whoreforeveryon @woozarts @zagreus

[salford-blues]

The origins

A/n: It's been a couple weeks since I last wrote anything. I've been really busy and I'm burnt out :( Also this is my first proper written fic. I've mainly posted SMAU's, so if it's not good... I'm sorry. Would love to hear your critiques etc! Pairing: f1 x driver!reader Summary: The origins of our driver!reader - snippets of her growing up Warnings: butchered german??? Italics are the thoughts!

2008 - 5 years old

GROSSER PREIS SANTANDER VON DEUTSCHLAND 2008

The stands were crowded with energetic fans waiting for their favourite drivers to come out. Roars of laughter between friends and families. Piercing screams of devoted fans. In the middle of it all, a 5-year-old girl wrapped in the arms of her father with her hands over her ears trying to block out the deafening noise.

''It's too loud Papi. When's it home time?'' the girl pouted.

''Not just yet Spatzi (little sparrow). The drivers should be out any minute now.'' her father sighed. The child frowned and buried her head into his shoulder and neck.

Instantaneously, the crowd began to yell. Names were shrieked left, right, and centre. People pushing and shoving trying to get a picture or an autograph with their favourite driver. Luckily, the child and her father had managed to make it to the front without too much effort. They now had a perfect view of the track.

One by one the cars came out of the paddocks and lined up at the starting line.

''Who do you like Papi?'' the girl questioned, intrigued by the cars and their colours.

''I like Williams, do you see the navy blue and white car over there?'' her father pointed towards the middle of the grid.

''Uhhuh,'' she nodded, eyes lighting up at the car.

''That's the one that I really like. Which one do you like Schatz (treasure)?'' he questioned the child.

''Hmmm, I liikkeee... I think I like Williams too! Just like you Papi. I think I like the red car too.'' the girl's eyes shone as she spoke. Excitement now lacing her voice. There was a look of adoration on her father's face. Oh, how he loved his little bundle of joy.

''You can like whoever you want. The red car is a Ferrari.'' her father exclaimed.

''F-Fir-aa-r-ee? Ferrari! Yeah, I like that one too, but that one goes second!'' she said adamantly.

Suddenly, the cars were off, speeding down the track.

There was a glisten in the youngster's eyes. The screaming of the crowd was long forgotten. All she could hear was the vrooming of the cars. Wow, they're really fast. I want to do that.

''I want to be a race car driver when I'm older Papi! I'm gonna go really fast like vrrrrooomm." she held out her hands and acted as if she was driving a car.

2009 - 6 years old

''Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, Spatzi! (Happy Birthday, little sparrow!)''

The young girl stirred in her bed.

''Wakey wakey sleepy head... you don't want to miss out on opening presents do you.''

At that comment, the girl shot up in bed. Her wide eyes glanced up at her father, excitement running through her body.

''Please can I have waffles for breakfast? Can we go see Oma? Can we see Mami? Oooh can we make those doughnuts with the sugar on top for dessert? Plleeaassee?'' she gave her father her best puppy dog eyes.

''Okay, okay. How about we open your presents first and then see where the day takes us? How does that sound?'' her father queried.

A swift nod of the head gave her father all the conformation he needed and with that, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her down into the living room. The room was decorated with brightly coloured banners, balloons stuck to the wall via sellotape and streamers hung from the ceiling. On the living room table, 6 presents stood tall and were screaming to be opened by a certain birthday girl.

Once set down on the ground, the birthday girl ran over to the presents. She picked the first one up, inspecting its size before placing it down and ripping open the wrapping paper. Inside a box of Lego with an image of a Ferrari. The girl giggled with excitement moving on to her next present.

The small child was down to her last two presents. Both were small and sat on the corner of the table. Small hands picked up the thin present that sat on top, tearing open the wrapping paper. A signed driver's card sat inside. Shock spread across the young girl's face. A signed piece by Kimi Raikkonen. This just might be the best present ever!

''Oh wooooow! Danke Papi! This is the best present ever.'' She ran over wrapping her small arms around the man's neck.

''You're very welcome. But how about opening up your last one.'' he smiled at her.

She curiously looked back and took the present into her arms. The present was squishy under her touch. Possibly clothes? Carefully, the wrappers ripped open. A blue and white race suit sat inside.

''Do you like it, Schatz?''

''I love it! I love it! I love it!'' the girl twirled around with the race suit in hand.

2015 - 11 years old

''Hallo Logan!'' The girl ran up to the young lad. ''Do you want to get ice cream after the race? I'll ask Oscar if he wants to come too."

The blonde boy nodded his head and smiled. ''Yeah, I'd like that.''

''Okay, bye Logan.'' The girl waved before heading in the direction of her Aussie friend.

''Hallo Oscar! Do you want to come and get ice cream after the race with me and Logan?''

''Sure. Let me ask my parents.'' He ran off towards his parents.

Alone she stood listening to her surroundings. Loud chatter coming from children and parents. Birds chirping in the trees.

Hearing the latter she skipped towards the trees before noticing a small bird hopping around. Approaching the bird slowly, she scooped the animal into her hands and held it against her chest.

''I will help you little birdie! Papi, Papi look what I found. Can we help it get better?''

''Sure, we'll take it home with us.'' he smiled.

Strolling over were Oscar and Logan.

''What'cha got there N/n?'' Logan asked curiously.

''It's a bird... We're gonna take it home and look after it.'' She exclaimed.

''We are still up for ice cream though aren't we Birdie?'' Oscar peered a the girl.

''Of course we are Osc... birdie?? Why that??''

''Oh y'know... you've got a bird in your hand, so your new nickname is birdie,'' he uttered as if it was obvious.

''Ahh okie.'' A blush spread across her cheeks in embarrassment.

A whilst blew signalling that the race was about to begin.

''Papi, will you take care of it whilst I race?'' She turned back.

''Of course I will Spatzi. Now run along. The quicker you go the quicker you can get ice cream.''

yourusername

landonorris, georgerussell63, liamlawson30 & others liked

Ice cream dates just like old times. @oscarpiastri @logansargeant

View all comments

oscarpiastri Birdie delete this. This makes it out like we're all dating

> yourusername WAIT... WE ARENT????

>> logansargeant now look what you've done, you've made her cry...

>>> oscarpiastri We're not dating though???

user.1 why is Logan acting like a third wheel??

user.2 are they dating though? or is it two of them and then the third just tags along?

> user.3 I think they're just really weird friends

>> user.2 yhhh checks out

liamlawson30 annnd where was my invite?

> yourusername you weren't invited because you beat me at connect 4

>> user4 lmaaooo. Didn't realise y/n was a sore loser

>>> liamlawson30 you should see her when she plays monopoly

[sheerfreesia007]

Monthly Exam

Title: Monthly Exam

Fandom: Stray Kids

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

Author: @sheerfreesia007​

Words: 2,035

Warnings: N/A

Permanent Tag List: @paintballkid711, @fioccodineveautunnale, @phoenixhalliwell, @linkpk88, @weirdowithnobeardo, @athalien

The cold plastic chair was uncomfortable as he sat waiting restlessly in the small exam room with Gi his German Shepherd laying at his feet. Normally he loved bringing Gi to the vet for his monthly check up, it was the highlight of his month but today not so much. He sighed loudly once more before raising his arm to look at the black watch on his wrist. Thirty minutes, they’d been waiting thirty minutes already. Huffing softly he reached down to his vest and pulled his Velcro pocket open before swiping his personal cell phone out. He knew that they’d have to wait but he didn’t think it would take this long as he silently began swiping through all of the text notifications that he had received already since arriving here. Most were just from friends and family but one popped out to him that made his restlessness rise within him.

When are you going to be done with the vet for Gi? I’ve got a new lead on a cold case and I’d like the two of you to be my K-9 unit if I need it.

The text was from his friend Detective Han who worked in Cold Cases, they had worked previously together on another cold case and had been able to apprehend the killer thanks to Gi’s training. He was eager to work with Detective Han again but he sighed softly as his eyes darted around the small exam room once more.

Not sure yet. Vet hasn’t even come in to see us. Seungmin texted back with a frown gracing his face before he noticed the gray bubbles pop up at the bottom of the screen indicating that Han was texting him back.

Your girl has kept you waiting? Seungmin scoffed at the text from his friend before another text popped up from him. Are you actually gonna ask her out this time? Scoffing again at the text message he bit his bottom lip as anxiety spiked through him at the question from his friend. About a year ago the veterinarian office that the agency used for all of their K-9 units had welcomed a new veterinarian to their practice and ever since Seungmin had met you on that first exam he had fallen hard. It hadn’t been that hard since you were so sweet on him and Gi together but you also showed your emphatic and compassionate side whenever Seungmin brought up any concerns he had about Gi which you always reassured him about. Not to mention you were always so upbeat and bubbly whenever you saw them, Seungmin liked to think that it was because you always loved seeing him and Gi but realistically he knew it was because of your job and your bedside manner. But his skepticisms hadn’t stopped him from developing a crush on you that kept growing and growing whenever he would bring Gi for an appointment.

Just as he began typing out a response to his friend there was a knock at the door and he quickly slipped his cell phone into his vest as Gi lifted his head from the floor where he laid. Seungmin sat up straighter in the chair just as your head peered around the door with a bright happy but tired looking smile. 

“Officer Kim, I’m sorry to keep you and Gi waiting so long.” You greeted him fondly as you walked into the room swiftly before shutting the door behind yourself. Seungmin nodded his head quickly as Gi stood from his spot and happily wagged his tail when he saw you come in.

”Not a problem.” Seungmin reassured you and grinned at him over your shoulder before swiping a hand over your forehead and tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear before turning back to the computer across the room from him. “Everything alright?” He asked socialably as his eyes raked up and down your body. You were dressed in a pair of light purple scrub pants and your doctor coat with your hair tied up in a ponytail.

”Oh yeah, it’s just been a little busy and chaotic today.” You said in a friendly reassuring tone as you smiled and waved over your shoulder at him. “We had a tiny ferocious chihuahua that got out of his cage and was running around the back just now. He likes to nip so the techs weren’t able to get close to him but I was able to grab him with a towel.” You told him and Seungmin chuckled softly at the story.

”Tiny and ferocious don’t seem to go hand in hand.” Seungmin said amused and you laughed at his words before turning around to him with a bright grin that sucked the air straight from his lungs.

”You’d be surprised, Officer Kim. I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of tiny ferocious people.” You said as you continued to laugh. “I’ve even been called ferocious once or twice and I’m half your size.” You told him with a cheeky grin that made his heart thump heavily in his chest.

”You ferocious? Please.” He scoffed goodnaturedly and your grin widened even more as you stepped over to the waiting Gi. 

“What do you think Gi? Do you think I could be ferocious even if your partner doesn’t?” You asked amused of the dog as you pet his soft fur, the dog huffed softly causing both you and Seungmin to laugh delightedly at the dog.

”He knows better than to go against what I say.” Seungmin says proudly while he watches you continue to pet Gi who happily accepts all of your attention.

”Mmhmm, whatever you say Officer.” You tease him and Seungmin grins widely as he feels a blush begin to creep up his neck. He ducks his head slightly as his eyes stay trained on you while you fondly talk to Gi in soft tones. “And how have you been Gi? Catch any bad guys lately?” Asked in a soft excited voice that causes Gi to wag his tail quickly causing you to chuckle softly before tapping your forehead to his. “What a good boy you are.” You coo at him and Seungmin has to clear his throat softly and shift in his seat as your words seem to affect him far more than he ever thought they would. “Alright Officer, get him up on the table please.” You instruct Seungmin as you stand from your crouched position before moving to the examination table and eagerly await for Seungmin to lift Gi.

Standing slowly from his chair Seungmin squats down before wrapping his arms underneath Gi and lifting him effortlessly onto the table for you. He notices your eyes widen slightly as you watch him lift Gi without any problems and he feels his blush creep up even higher on his neck. The fact that you were impressed by his strength made him feel a certain type of way and he couldn’t say it was a bad feeling. You quickly busy yourself with pulling your stethoscope from your neck and placing it in your ears before placing the bell against Gi’s chest.

Seungmin stands to the side not far from the table but far enough away that he wasn’t in your way as you worked. You easily recorded all of Gi’s vitals and then began running your hands along his body feeling for any discomfort on the dog or any lumps that were out of place. Seungmin watched as you quietly talked to Gi while examining him and he felt his heart begin to race with affection for you as you effortlessly and kindly looked after his partner. Gi was so much more to him than just his K-9 partner and you seemed to understand that as you examined the dog. You always showed such great care towards Gi that it pulled at Seungmin’s heart strings and made him fall harder for you, Gi was like a piece of his soul and the way you gently and fondly cared for him made Seungmin feel as if you’d do the same with him.

”Alright so nothing to worry or be concerned about. His vitals were all normal and within range of his prior vitals. I’ll send over the results to the agency later on today when I do all my closing notes on my patients today.” You told Seungmin over your shoulder and the man stepped closer as you cupped Gi’s face gently. “You’re such a good pup Gi. Always a good boy for me.” You coo at him before pressing a loud kiss to his wet nose. Seungmin stares with wide eyes knowing that the visit is coming to an end and he still hasn’t mustered up the courage to ask you out like he’s been dying to do for months now. He managed to gather a little of confidence and felt his chest puff up with bravado, he was going to do. He was going to ask you out for dinner.

Just as you turned away from Gi and faced Seungmin you beamed up at him and he felt his confidence instantly deflate. He was so flustered in the face of your attention, it was maddening that he couldn’t follow through with asking you out. You tilted your head to the side as you watched his shoulders slump slightly and a look of concern fell over your face.

”Are you alright Seungmin?” You asked softly as your hand came up to rest on his forearm. It was the first time you’d called him Seungmin this visit, you always managed to slip his name into a visit each time and every time he heard you say his name he would feel his heart race.

”I’m-I’m okay.” He replied just as softly as he nodded his head at your question. You stared at him for a few seconds more before there was a sudden whine from Gi which caused both you and Seungmin to turn to him with worry. Gi sat there holding his paw up as if it hurt him and Seungmin watched as you instantly came to the dog’s side cooing at him. Gi’s eyes darted over to Seungmin and Seungmin swore he saw the dog blink at him twice, it was their signal with each other to indicate that they were moving whenever they had to be quiet on a call. 

“Actually I’m not alright.” Seungmin began as he stepped closer to you as you continued to hold Gi’s paw who quickly shook you off his paw and began happy dancing on the exam table. You stared at Gi with furrowed eyebrows at his sudden change before turning to Seungmin confused. “I’ve been suffering from a crush on you and the only thing that will save me is if you went to dinner with me.” Seungmin said seriously as his eyes darted around your shocked face which then blossomed with a wide grin on your face.

”Oh so you two are in cahoots huh?” You asked him softly as you leaned towards him and he smirked softly at your teasing question.

”Well, he is my partner.” Seungmin said and you chuckled softly. “What do you say? Will you save me from my illness?” He asked softly and you smirked at him.

”I’ll do ya one better Officer.” You told him sultrily before leaning even closer and pressing a kiss to his mouth. Seungmin kissed you back quickly as his hand came up to cup your face gently causing you to moan softly before pulling away with a flushed face that delighted him. “Here’s my number, let me know when you’re free and we’ll go out.” You said to him as you handed him your business card.

On their way out of the veterinarian office Seungmin proudly smiled down at Gi who walked at his side. The dog was happily strutting out of the office as he was proud of himself too with his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

”I think you deserve a reward for helping me out Gi. How does McDonald’s sound?” He asked the dog with a chuckle as Gi began hopping and dancing around his feet excitedly. “Good boy.”

[deadricslover]

Relationship dynamics with SV5

here's my masterlist!

a/n: this is the first formula one post on my account! if you read my late night thoughts volume one, then you will know my love for f1

summary: just some relationship dynamics and scenarios with our fave <3

warnings: use of y/n...IM SORRY, language, mentions of sexual themes, long post?

pairings: fem!driver!reader x different eras!Sebastian vettel

-------------------------------------------------

obvious x oblivious

the Australian Formula One race. It has always been one of your favourites to drive. It is clear why you have such a liking for it because you have so many happy memories from there. The time difference from your home country is the one thing you detest; it is impossible to wake up and go to bed at the right times here.

"last year's winner, how are you feeling" your teammate and best friend Fernando asks, nudging your arm and stopping you from what you are doing

"sleep deprived but excited. what about you? did you sleep at all"

"Very little. I watched a few of the films you suggested to tire myself out, but it didn't work" he responds in that all too familiar Spanish accent

you respond, "they were just too exciting" and you giggle a little. You two continue talking while you get ready for the upcoming race in the sweltering heat. Fernando says he is going to do some laps around the paddock to get some fresh air and invites you to come and you agree, needing to get out of the claustrophobic garage. You two are chatting about strategies and the meal you had the previous night until you hear your name being called. Lewis grabbed your attention since he hadn't spoken to you all weekend and wanted to ask you a few questions and say hello. You tell Fernando to keep moving and you'll soon catch up with him.

he agrees and continues walking until he gets to the red bull garage and spots Sebastian.

"hey mate, how's it going?" seb asks the world champion

"all good, man. what about you?" he replies

"good good. Ferrari are looking strong this weekend."

"yeah we are. this track really suits y/n's style of driving so I have high hopes for us this weekend." Fernando compliments, as soon as he says your name he looks over to you and lewis talking and seb follows his line of view to find you. seb secretly-- well, he thought he was subtle but infact he was the complete opposite, seb had a thing for you and Fernando always tried to get him to ask you out but he never had the guts to.

"yeah, she's great" he says, love oozing from him as he stares at your smile when talking to lewis and the way your hair falls.

"seb, seriously. I cant bear this anymore. please ask her out. you've got a hard on right now" Fernando informs the red bull driver

"what?!" he replies, looking down and seeing nothing and realising Fernando had caught him out.

"fuck off" Sebastian replies.

you look over to see Fernando and Sebastian talking and you smile and wave over, completely oblivious to the looks seb is throwing at you. this wasn't the first time though, seb had tried flirting with you before but you always thought it was friendly banter. you never thought Sebastian could have feelings for you.

"y/n's gonna be too tired this weekend anyway so you got off easy." Fernando tells him honestly. He wasn't wrong though, he could straight up say 'i love you' and you would just thank him. the jet lag kills you.

"another day or I swear-" Fernando starts

"okay, I get it. you want me to ask her out. I'm working on it"

"she is also just so oblivious to the signals you're giving her, so it's not entirely you're fault"

"thank you" seb replies sarcastically as he just now is realising that you're unbeknownst to his attempts.

another day... hopefully.

-------------------------------------------------

bf who speaks another language x gf who is learning for him

it's widely known in the formula one community that Sebastian is infact German and German is his first language. for you, however, you don't speak German and you feel like him speaking your native language all the time is a bit unfair. so, you decided to get some lessons and watch some videos to try and learn some German for Seb. he doesn't know about this though and you thought it would be a nice surprise for him. you feel confident enough in your skills now to have a conversation with him. You both were at his parents house for dinner and German was being spoken here and there to accommodate seb's parents.

"Aus diesem Grund werde ich deinen Vater nie wieder kochen lassen" (because of this, I am never ever letting your father cook again) seb's mom tells him and the three of them laugh and so do you, seb looks at you confused and asks

"you don't need to laugh if you don't know what we are saying, basically she said that-" he starts but you cut him off telling him what she said

"she's never letting your dad cook ever again because he destroyed her favourite dish" you inform him and he looks at you lovingly but also even more confused than before.

"how did you know what that meant?" he asks

"I've been learning some German for you. did I get it right?" you answer

"for me? you didn't need to do that, darling" he replies placing a hand on your thigh and drawing shapes on it to show a bit of love.

"it's unfair that you're always speaking English for me, so I need to return the favour"

and with that he couldn't keep his eyes off of you the whole night. for you, it's nothing much, just showing appreciation. but for him, it's everything, the fact you were willing to learn a whole new language just so he could feel a sense of home. he appreciates it more than you know.

-------------------------------------------------

chef bf x gf pro taster

you have spent the whole day with one of your dearest friends who moved away a couple of years ago with her boyfriend, but now, she is back in town as they broke up and you offered her a place to stay until she gathered herself and found her own place, of course you had ran this past Sebastian and he was also okay with it as he knew how close you two were even when she wasn't physically with you. you two just got home from collecting her from the airport and getting lunch while seb was out also doing his own thing.

the aroma coming from the kitchen as soon as you stepped inside was unbeatable, Sebastian had spent the evening cooking a lovely meal for the three of you to eat when you got home. you show your friend to the room she is staying in and then make your way down to the kitchen to see seb. you enter the kitchen to see his back turned to you and he was stirring a pot.

"what are you making" you ask appearing next to him.

he informs you what he is making and the sides he is preparing also. he takes the spoon out if the pot full of the food and blows on it to cool it down before placing it in font of your mouth to taste.

"taste it for me? be careful, it's hot" you say before blowing on it again and taking a bite. it was delicious.

"seb, that's so good" you compliment

"I try" he replies smiling

"is this what it's gonna be like living with you guys for he next couple of weeks?" your friend comments entering the kitchen to find the two of you.

"she is my professional taste tester, I need her opinion" he replies to her and we all just laugh it off and eat dinner which was unreal. if Sebastian failed as a driver, he could have been a chef and would have been a renowned world famous one too. not that he wanted that but he sure could have been.

-------------------------------------------------

overly affectionate x blushes easily

seb is the most affectionate man you have ever met, he always must be showing you love in some way, whether it's holding your hand, bringing you flowers, letting you decide what movie to watch, he just wants you to know how much he appreciates you. he also notices and takes into account, every little thing you do so he can incorporate that into his daily life.

for example, this f1 season had started out great, but a couple of races back, Ferrari had gotten some new upgrades to the car that didn't work and have been jeopardizing your performance. They assured you and Fernando that they would work out and to give them time and experiment different tactics that suits this particular upgrade. Needless to say, you were not looking forward to this race at all. you hear your name being called from the front of the garage, so you walk out to find seb in his racing suit, ready to go but with a t-shirt saying I heart you but with your initials and racing number. you could have kissed him right there but wanted to keep the pda away.

"seb that's so sweet, I love you so much"

"anything for my favorite driver"he replies which makes you blush

"that's a bit biased, don't you think?" you reply while he grabs your hand lightly in his

"I don't care" he smiles

despite you trying to avoid pda for the cameras, you don't care in the moment, so you kiss him. just like you said you wanted to. To be completely honest, with Sebastian you don't really mind showing a little bit of pda because you care for him so much. he just brings that out in you, he brings out the best in you.

the gesture replays in your mind and you start to blush just thinking about it, seb's lips against yours and his hands around your waist add that all add to that blood rush.

"awh, you're blushing." seb teases as he pulls away

"stop" you whine slightly embarrassed at how easy it is for him to get you to blush. again, seb just really brings that out in you.

seb hums in disapproval as if to say no way and places a kiss in your hair whilst keeping you close to seal it all in. you make a mental note to snap a photo of him in this t-shirt to brag to your friends about how much better seb is than their boyfriends....kidding obviously....

------------------------------------------------- I have a pt. 2 if you guys want it!

[gavisfanta]

REMEMBER IT - GAVI

summary: you have trouble with studying so Gavi helps you a bit

warnings: smut 18+

"Trouble with studying?" Gavi walked over to you as you were looking over the papers, your head in your hands.

"A bit, yeah." You pushed your hair out of your face as you felt his arms wrap around you from behind.

"What do you need help with?" He asked as he whispered into your ear, the vibrations of his voice sending shivers down your spine.

"I cant concentrate, and you being here does definitely not help." You tried to say as nice as possible, but he sat down and looked at your papers.

"Sassy, isn't she?" Gavi asked while he put down the paper again and lifted up his shirt to scratch his body.

"What are you doing?" You asked as you looked at him taking the papers again.

"Oh just helping you study." He mumbled and looked up at you again. "German I see." He mumbled while looking at the paper.

"This is so not gonna work." You said.

"Great, everytime you get something right, I'll remove a piece of clothing." Gavi smiled up at you and you couldn't help but smile too.

"Okay." You agreed and you saw him smile.

"What's 'ich kann heute leider nicht arbeiten?' transalted?" Gavi started with the first translation. His pronunciation was a bit funny.

"I can't work today sadly." You answered and he took off his shirt.

"How do you say 'I bought 29 new jeans at the store' in german?" He kept asking, and so you answered, almost every question was right.

After about 10 minutes Gavi was sitting in front of you in boxershorts. You had an even harder time concentrating when he was sitting in front of you, half naked.

"Okay Princesa, only a few more." He looked up at you through his lashes.

You felt your core getting even wetter at the sight of him. You had to push your legs together the entire time.

"What's 'Language' in german?" Gavi looked up at you while he brought his hand down to his boxershorts, rubbing the budge that was slowly getting bigger.

"Sprache." You mumbled and Gavi lifted up his hips a bit, and pulled down his boxershorts.

You saw his hard dick basically jumping out of his boxershorts. He sat back down and took the paper into his hand again while he pushed his hips a bit forward.

"What's 'Continent' in german?" He asked again. Gavi was trying his hardest to concentrate.

"Kontinent." You answered without taking your eyes off of his dick. At this point you could cum on the chair by how wet you already were.

"Good, two more questions." Gavi scanned the entire paper, there were two words left.

"What's 'Wallpaper' translated into German?" He asked, you watched his movements as he brought his hand down to his dick and massaged his balls. You bit on the inside of your cheeks.

"Hintergrund." You said and he nodded his head. You looked at him, there was no piece of clothing left he could take off.

"Come here." He waved you over to him, you stood next to him as he opened your jeans and slid them down your legs.

He also took off your panties, but he rubbed your clothed clit first. "My god youre so wet." Were the only things he said.

"Come sit down." Gavi told you and you took off your panties and as you stepped out of them, you walked over to Gavi and hoovered over his dick. You felt his tip against your hot core.

"Sit down princesa, sit down." He pulled your hips down and you felt yourself stretch at his length.

"Good girl," Gavi muttered as he was balls deep inside of you. You almost didn't even manage to hold yourself up properly.

Your head was on Gavis shoulders as you whined at his dick twitching inside of you. Neither of you two moved.

"What's weak translated into german?" Gavi asked and looked up at you.

"Fuck, I cant-" You whined and he lifted up your chin with his finger.

"Let's focus okay?" He asked you and you nodded your head while closing your eyes. "Weak in german is?"

"Schwach." You brought out and he put down the paper again. He stood up but held you so you wont fall, you wrapped your legs around his torso and he set you down on the kitchen counter.

Then he began thrusting into you at a rapid speed immediately. You were already adjusted to his size so there was no trouble.

"My god Gavi." You whimpered as you arched yiur back and felt your high aproach.

"Cum for me, cum all over my dick." You clenched around his dick as you came, that also led him to cum too.

"Fuck keep gripping me like that. Yeah-" Gavi moaned as he threw back his head. You let go of him and he pulled out immediately.

"Fuck y/n, you're so hot." Gavi kissed your lower stomach and then looked up at you again.

"Why?" You smiled as he leaned down to you and kissed you.

"The way you held me. My god." He lifted you up and walked upstairs to the bed with you.

"You know we probably need to clean up downstairs." You laughed a bit but he shook his head.

"No, I don't think so, it just reminds me of how hard I fucked you."

[wayfayrr]

This is based on @sketchyspook's Mask - the hero of terminal! he's a lil gremlin who in this decided to pull a sky and break out of his game. He just wants a sibling though so can you blame him?

“Hey we were thinking about going out tonight [name], you want to join us?”

“Nah, I’ll be honest I was planning to stay in tonight. Just want a rest you know, got some old games I’ve been planning to replay.” “Fair, if I hadn’t promised someone I’d join them I’d probably be doing the same. See you around sometime [name].”

After how hectic everything has been recently it’ll be nice to have a night in where I can just zone out and do next to nothing; really what better way is there to do that than by playing through Majora’s mask for the, what 50th time? It’s such a nostalgic game to me that it can’t be anything other than my go-to relaxing game. Besides that though, really it’s just fun to fish using the fierce deity mask. Something about an ancient war god going fishing like that? It’s a fun break from the rest of the game.

Something feels different this time though. I can’t quite pinpoint what but even the opening cutscene feels different. There’s more static than there should be, it just feels wrong. There’s also this feeling, I’m probably just being paranoid, but I swear someone’s watching me. Judging me even. Like they’re trying to evaluate me for something, I just can’t tell what. It’s nothing I’m sure. Just need to shake it off and carry on playing. 

Saving it after getting the deity mask feels like a good point to leave it off for the evening, how long have I even been playing? I could’ve sworn it wasn’t that long but - It’s past 2?? It’s never taken me this long to get to this point before, maybe it’s been glitching way more than I thought. I mean it felt like every few minutes I lost control over Link, oddly enough it was only when his model was facing the screen. My controller must just be acting up, I knew buying the cheapest one on eBay would’ve been a bad idea, of course, it’s gonna have some issues. Just turn off the game and go to bed, it’s that easy [name]. Your bed’s comfortable anyway, you’ll fall asleep in no time. 

What’s that sound? It’s barely enough to wake me up, am I hearing things? What’s gotten into you tonight [name], first being paranoid while playing, now hearing things? Am I coming down with something? Just try to go back to sleep and deal with this in the morning. 

Okay, I can’t just be feeling things now, did something fall on me during the night?

No, it feels far too much like a person, but then who is lying on me? And how did they get here? Opening my eyes to a blonde kid who looks suspiciously like Link doesn’t feel quite real, maybe I’m still asleep and something fell on me and affected my dream? Oh, what am I kidding myself? I’m awake. I’ll just try to gently wake him up to get some answers, if he doesn’t wake up then at least I can move him so I can get a look at just how he got here. 

“Bewegen Sie mich nicht, ich fühle mich hier wohl.”

So he didn’t like that then, my german is rusty but even then it’s clear enough what he meant by how he’s trying to get closer to me in his half-asleep state. He’s going to be staying right where he is for as long as he can get away with it. All I can hope for in the meantime is to try and find out he got in here without moving. There isn’t any broken glass or windows so he didn’t get in that way, it would be insane for a kid to break in just for hugs as well so that rules out that possibility. 

There is broken glass though… by my laptop… what?Of all the - my laptop is shattered. How did that - did he? My laptop is broken and there is a game character in my arms, that has to be related, doesn't it?  

There are tiny cuts and fresh burns on his arms, ones that look like they could be - did he?

That would explain how my laptop broke. There are more questions from that though. Such as how did a video game character get out of my laptop and into my arms?? And why? Answers aren’t going to show themselves and theres only one person who knows why he did this. 

“Kid? I know you don’t want to move, but can you tell me what’s going on? How you got here at least?” That seems to have woken him up a little, enough for him to look at me now even though he looks very bitter he’s had to move. Now that I’m getting a better look at his face though, he’s certainly link but he looks a little different to how he does in the game. White streaks in the front of his hair, paler eyes and far too many scars for someone his age. It’s like he’s picked up traits of the fierce deity mask, you know what if he’s here in my room real like this why couldn’t he look different from in game?

“Ich kann, ich tue es nicht - I don’t want to be in the game any more, so I got out.”

“Can I ask how you got out?”

Alright no answer for that besides a quick look at his hair, must be a sore point for him. I won’t press him on that until he feels more alright to talk about it.

“Is there any reason you wanted to well, be like this link?”

With a gesture to how he’s decided to lay on me, he has at least a little bit of shame as he looks away from me before mumbling something just loud enough that I could hear.

“After you playing through it for so long, you uh, you feel like an older sibling to me. So I’ll stay here with you [name]?”

It’s either he can stay with me or he’ll go out to the street, not that I have the heart to throw him out, after everything I know he’s been through. That I’m partly responsible for putting him through? If I didn’t play his game, he - he wouldn’t have had to go through that would he. It’s my fault. 

“[name]? You aren’t upset at me are you? I didn’t - I didn’t mean to make you cry, I can - Nun, ich denke, ich kann - if you don’t want me here I can go back.”

“No I don’t - of course I don’t think that. I’m sorry link, I made you keep reliving all of that. I never even knew that you were - oh god I’m so sorry link.”

He paused at that to think things over for a second, most likely about to say something although I can’t tell what from his body language. Is he crying now? Shaking slightly while leaning towards me like he wants a hug, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was crying after everythin-

“AUGH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

“You wouldn’t stop crying because you were blaming yourself for ‘hurting’ me. Now we’re even so you can stop crying about it.”

As much as I hate it he is right, somewhat, one single bite doesn’t exactly make up for everything that I put him through but I’m not going to say that aloud incase he bites me again. Inspecting my arm there is a neat mark from his teeth, kid’s got a strong jaw I’ll give him that.

“Alright [name] I’ve seen a few things of your world when you were playing, but um would you mind showing me what it’s like? You’re my big sibling now so I think that’s just what you have to do.”

“Oh about that, why do you see me as a sibling?”

A shrug with yet another glance at his hair like it holds the answer. 

“I’m not the only one who sees you as my sibling, I know the deity has kinda unofficially adopted you as well.”

“Huh? The deity? Like the mask, the thing you use in game? Has adopted me?”

“Mhm, he’s the one who encouraged me to get out, it’s a little complicated but basically I wore the mask a bit too much.”

Just another thing I’ve done wrong then, or maybe not seeing as he seems to be fine with what is happening and the fact that it’s gotten him out of the game. 

“You gonna explain what you mean by that?”

“Nah not yet, gotta come to terms with it myself as well before any of that.”

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

(spoilers for the whole show and the books)

Season 2 episode 1 [What Can the Damned Really Say to the Damned] - part 2/4

- *solemn music*, thanks subtitles, and Louis' breathing getting all ragged. Aaaaaaah, DREAMSTAT MY BELOVED.

[Dreamstat] "Bonjour, mon amour", sorry, laughing again, but this time because of the bloopers and Jacob going "don't smile at me like that". I can't watch this scene normally any longer.

- [Dreamstat] "Is it the same question?"

[Louis] "Go away."

[Dreamstat] "Or do you miss me? I miss you. Despite our recent unpleasantness... Still missing each other."

[Louis] "Claudia!"

[Dreamstat] "Hm. Four years of grim wayfaring and still no sight of the benevolent vampire. So, how does denial manifest itself tonight? Sniffing German brandy?"

Oof, Louis automatically and immediately turning to Claudia when his consciousness-as-Lestat appears, Claudia still playing the part of the bandaid for a shitty relationship, except this time the shitty relationship is between Louis and his own mind. Claudia deserves betteeeeeer.

And the way Louis is so cruel with himself... Hallucinating your presumed dead-by-your-own-hands husband to not only punish yourself for your (and your daughter....) shortcomings but also say outloud the things you cannot, will not say outloud is a new kind of self-flagellation, methinks.

Also, timestamp! Four years since they arrived in Europe. So somewhere between 1944 and 1945, right before the end of the war. I think we'll get more precise time indicators later.

- [Louis] "You're not here, I'm just fucked in the head."

[Dreamstat] "Quite fucked. Was she worth it?"

[Louis] "Yes."

[Dreamstat] "You say it like you believe it."

[Louis] "I do, I do."

[Dreamstat] "I do, I do. I do."

[Louis] "Stop!"

Oooooooooooooh. Can't lie to yourself, Louis. Especially if you're literally manifesting your consciousness outside of you. Hard to get your mind to shut up and carry on the pretense when it's prancing around you.

Ha, I keep imagining what Claudia must be thinking hearing Louis arguing with himself like that. Poor dear must have really been fed up with her companion.

The way Louis shuts his own mind by imagining Lestat choking on his open throat is... Violent. Wait, what ? Did. Did Louis just imagine a bat flying out of Dreamstat's open throat? What???? Lou baby, um, are you alright??? Obviously not but I still gotta ask.

- [Dreamstat] "Oh. Purgatory is a lovely room for music. I have a new piece, Concerto for Gashed Throat and Orchestra."

[Louis] "I'm sorry."

[Dreamstat] "Don't say it again. You ruin it with remorse. It was a perfect betrayal. You gave me a death of distinction."

[Claudia] "Trucks!"

[Dreamstat] "But in answer to your question. Yes. I'm gonna bloody kill you."

[Louis] "If you were alive you'd have done it already."

[Dreamstat] "Hmm. Oh, love. I'm merely waiting until you're happy . So hurry up, mon cher."

*pterodactyl screech* Oh, this is so fascinating! Not just Louis' guilt and grief and how he misses Lestat so much, but also the way he does know him so well, every line spoken by Dreamstat is both Louis and something Lestat could say, yet it's also very clear this is Louis' mind because Lestat, as us watchers know with hindsight, would actually never consider taking revenge on his husband and their daughter... And it's also how Claudia's keeping watch, not interrupting Louis' psychosis session unless there's danger approaching, still playing the part that she was made for, Louis' companion, Louis' caretaker, Louis' shield in front of his self-destructive tendencies... And then it's Dreamstat tearing into Louis' throat, an actual visual representation of mental self-harm. I am fascinated and mesmerised.

- [Louis] "He came by invitation. My distraction from a monochromatic landscape. The gray of an obliterated road, the gray-brown of a charred and bullet-ridden city." - I just love the writing, that's it.

- Louis' face as the Soviet soldiers are shooting up the coffins is hilarious.

And also, welcome to Romania I guess. Garlic and crucifixes and staking corpses. Folklore never dies.

Aaaah, Romanian! Do you guys know that Romanian is a romance language like Italian, Spanish, French and Portuguese? So if your native tongue is one of those, there's a good chance you might recognise some words or the sonority of Romanian when you hear it. Mainly French, Italian and Spanish tho, 'cause I have no idea what Portuguese is doing, sorry friends. Anyway, end of linguistic rant.

- Louis and Claudia telepathically arguing while meeting Emilia and Morgan is hilarious. They're family your Honor. Emilia is fun, Morgan already annoys me with his higher-than-thou attitude. Yo, asshole, broken English whomst? Go on, speak Romanian, let's see if you can do better! She's speaking your language, the least you could do is respect her instead of belittling her for minor errors that don't even matter because she's perfectly comprehensible!

... Sorry. Monolingual people needlessly correcting multilingual people is a pet peeve of mine. Ahem.

- [Louis] "Go ahead, Mary. Go and meet the other children. I bet they know everything about this place." - yo, Lou, even though it's a smart way to gather intel, maaaybe you can remember that Claudia's actually 40 and avoid laughing at her when she's forced to recon with what she hates the most, her perceived age and status? Thanks.

- [Louis] "Wait, that's wrong. She didn't say that in front of Claudia." - listen baby, I take everything you tell us with a grain of salt because we all know, the odyssey of recollection is flawed and messy. Do your edits, ain't gonna change much.

I do love how Louis is enthusiastic about correcting his own memories, tho.

- Oh,the following conversation is interesting; take extra notice of how both Armand AND Daniel look at Louis during that passage:

[Louis] "Yes. Yes! That's how it went. We should get every detail right."

[Daniel] "In total agreement."

[Armand] "Perhaps this would be a time to take a break, Louis."

*Armand looks at Louis with slight trepidation; Louis looks at Armand with anger; Daniel looks at Louis with concern and suspicion*

[Daniel] "You know, Real Rashid, I'm pretty good at my job, 'a bright young reporter with a point of view' [!!!!!!]. Interviewed a fallen Catholic archbishop, four Enron vice presidents, and if they've got something to hide, they always start with some kind of disguise. Not literally, not some dumb Halloween costume [turns to Armand and looks at him with disdain], gloves, contact lenses. They tell jokes, they're charming. And then at some crisis point, when I get close, it drops away and I see a flash of the truth."

Round of applause for Real Rashid doing his job so well he's even mastering pretending he's interested in what Daniel's saying. And round of applause for Daniel taking shots at Armand so skillfully. Love how zen Armand looks even as Daniel's basically calling him a liar and a master manipulator, do you think inside he's crying and shaking?

[Louis] "Armand didn't want me to do the interview, Daniel."

[Armand] "Still don't."

We wonder why!! Daniel's right, and Louis knows he's right, look how conflicted he appears as both Real Rashid and Armand leave the room. He knows he can't trust his memories, but he wants to tell his story as authentically as possible, and it's killing him to realise how much he's lost, forgotten or twisted over the years. The enthusiasm he had five minutes ago is gone, the liveliness in his voice at the beginning is gone, we're back to perfectly flat and controlled Dubai!Louis' voice.

- Ha, Louis' using Grace photo to pass as his wife, now there's a kind of irony I don't have the brains to decipher right now.

- Oh, boy, Morgan is insufferable. The perfect picture of the British coloniser. "This is an old country, with old things in it" - maybe you should listen to Emilia and stop looking down on her...

"Something out there, with soul disturb'ed. Disturb'ed?" *Louis nods* SEE, that's how you do it. Louis knows multilingualism, his husband was French, even his own family being Creole NOLA juggled with languages like there's no border between them. Emilia speaks perfect English because she's perfectly understandable. Sorry, I'm hung up on that tiny little thing because I'm from a multilingual household and I've lived more years in countries whose languages were my second, third, fourth or even fifth tongues than in actual France, so anything regarding languages and how some people barely even talk their own mother tongue but have no qualms correcting you when you speak multiple languages feels very personal. Had a bad experience at my previous job last December because of this kind of people so yeah, fuck Morgan actually.

- Europe: getting to the end of the worst war ever. Claudia: meeting a revenant and being thrown into trees. Emilia: fluently translating English to Romanian like the perfect queen she is (I'm very attached to her). Morgan: being insufferable. Louis: *aight, time to relax and get drunk on vodka, this is the perfect spot and time for that*. Lou darling I love you but you really got to check your priorities and sense of reality. "Baboons in Romania", seriously, love?

- [Louis] "Mortals are scared of vampires, in a part of the world known for vampires, ain't a surprise or evidence of an actual vampire!" - he's got a point.

[Claudia] "There's one of us out there! But if he can't take you ballroom dancing and tell you you're pretty, hell with him, is that it?" - she's got a point...

[Louis] "Hello, grudge!"

[Claudia] "No! Mh-mm! I forgave you for messing up my plan, I did not forgive you for bringing him with you."

[Louis] "In a landfill with five years of garbage on top."

[Claudia] "In here! You carry him in here. You slow us down."

To be fair to Louis, he did tell her when they were planning the murder that if he lets Lestat back in and he lets himself be dragged back into Lestat, there ain't no way he can find his way back out after. At least he was honest about that.

[Louis] "What you gonna ask him, if he could talk?"

[Claudia] "Change the subject when the truth blinds you."

[Louis] "Who made you? And then what? Who made the one that made you? I mean, what are we looking for here, Adam and Eve of the damned? God? Are we looking for God, Claudia? Yeah, get in the hole."

So their names [spoiler alert] are Akasha and Enkil and I just realised their initials are also A and E, I'm slow (and raised atheist), and they're actually not good news at all and Lestat already knows them, but the lore is complicated and honestly you're better off not knowing them. Also if we want to get really theological you could say that the vampires have a sort of Creator God and his name is Amel but that's even more complicated, and I have no idea how much of this part of the books Rolin Jones will adapt. Anyway. It's funny because in later books canon Louis continues not giving a fuck about where vampires come from and how. It's Lestat that almost destroys the world once or twice seeking these answers. Like father like daughter I guess, Claudia really is a De Lioncourt.

- [Claudia] "I've known exactly four vampires in my life, and you've all been the worst. Lestat, Antoinette, the motherfucker and you. I'm looking for one, just one, that ain't a goddamn bastard!" - Claudia deserves BETTER! Also I'm sorry my queen but it's not gonna get better after that.

season 1 masterpost

part 1 | part 3 | part 4

episode 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7 | episode 8

[short-black-diamond]

"Yo, she's a pro."

part two, parth three, part four, part five

This is another request a close friend of mine had. She wanted me to write something along the lines of a Reo x fem! reader, but we came to another conclusion:

Just--various bllk characters playing against you, their precious guest player, and then losing pathetically, rethinking their life choices for the time being.

your name: Yena Hideyo, and you have a blue snake called Melody <3

Warnings: Cursing, Rin begs on his knees, Nagi calls you beautiful, Kaiser gets shot, Ness gets kicked between his legs by you, some grammar errors probably, spoilers, some german sentences

Also I didn't proofread.

---

Ego announced to the bluelock players that you, Yena Hideyo, would be attending as a guest player and play against his strikers. You are famous for being the world's first female protégé in Japanese soccer, and since you were the best player in your team, you got asked to visit Blue Lock. And now, you were here, a bored expression on your face.

"She doesn't look like she's enjoying her stay here...", Bachira mumbled as he and Isagi looked at you. "I don't think I've actually ever seen her before...", the dark haired boy answered.

Barou only hmpf-ed and sneered at you. "You midget should be a protégé? I'd like to see you score at least one goal."

You frowned. Shidou waltzed towards you, a wide grin etched on his face. "I've seen you play. Would you like to play with, or against me?"

You looked at him with a blank but bored face, then you looked at the screen, where Ego showed who would be on which team. As Ego explained your stay, Isagi and Bachira looked at Shidou with question marks.

Oliver spoke as well. "Hah? Of course she'll play in my team."

Shidou had tick marks forming on his temple as he asked Oliver to repeat himself.

Ego ennounced that you were teamed up with Isagi, Kurona, Hiori, Barou, Gagamaru, Nanase, and Reo.

The other team had Chigiri, Shidou, Oliver, Aryu, Tokimitsu, Otoya, Karasu and Nagi.

Ego then cleared his throat. "All the other players, please sit down on the benches...Yena, plase let the others have a ball as well." "Don't wanna. That Barou guy's mouth's too big."

"Hah?!", the tall guy asked angrily and you glared at him.

With a shrill whistle, the game started. Well, you started it, actually. Before anybody could react ot the ball, you already dashed ahead, dribbling past Shidou, Otoya, and Nagi. Shidou grinned. "Not bad, little girl-", Otoya froze in place, and while Nagi tried for a nutmeg, you jumped and took the ball with you, even speeding up more. Then, Chigiri came.

"Hey girl, you think you-", but he couldn't keep up as you sped up again. He tried to go faster as well, but he couldn't. Then, there were Tokimitsu, Aryu and Oliver, the defenders, who tried to press, as in standing in your way. But, you just shot the ball and with an unpredictable gyro-shot, and the ball landed in the goal.

Isagi stood there in place. This game...took barely two minutes!? He stared at your approaching form. Ego frowned at you. "Didn't I tell you-"

"Listen, Ego Jinpachi. I'm not here to listen to you. I'm not a blue locker. Tell your little strikers or egoists or however you call them to try and put their heads in the game."

And before Ego could say something in return, the whistle blew again. This time, the opposing team changed their formation, and Barou approached you as well, screaming, "Like hell I'm gonna lose to a little girl!"

But also this time, you just slid past them all, completely using up all their strengths against them. As you were up against Tokimitsu who pressed against you, you grunted.

"S-sorry, b-b-ut I can't let you-"

"Outta - my- WAY!", you yelled as you pushed yourself against him harshly, making him stumble to the side.

Then, Aryu came. "You are totally glam, but-" "Gosh, would you guys stop talking already?!", you exclaimed, rounding him. Then, your last opponent was Oliver, who smirked at you.

"Never thought I'd end up with playing against a hot piece like you-", but he couldn't keep going as you just nutmegged him, and scored a goal as well. The goalkeeper couldn't see your physique behind Oliver, which is why you just had to shoot between his legs.

"The easiest goal I just made.", you stated. Oliver stared at his feet, then to the goal.

Ego seemed to loose his temper, as he glared at his players. "How can none of you guys take the ball from Hideyo!? C'mon you lumps, score a goal!"

With the whistle of the last game, everyone just ran towards you, and you were surprised by their lack of discipline. You swayed your leg before shredding the ball to the goal from where you stood. Since the defenders also were in the middle field, the ball flew wonderfully with no stopping. Also this time, you scored.

"This is so lame.", you said, walking out of the prototype-like stadion. After you stepped out, Barou roared. "WHY THE HELL IS THAT CHICK BETTER THAN ME?!"

Isagi tried to look at it from a more logical perspective, Niko and Hiori thinking about how effortlessly you moved and ran. Chigiri felt his ego deflating when he thought back on how you didn't even break a sweat as you just kept speeding up.

Karasu, Otoya and Oliver discussed on how hot you were looking, Tokimitsu held his shoulder you rammed yourself into while wincing in pain, while Aryu hypothesised how beautiful your pony looked, and overall how perfect your face was formed.

Bachira kept dribbling with the ball, but tried to do it how you did. Gagamaru sat by the goal, thinking back on how you effortlessly shot the last ball without even taking a halfstep, just swinging back your leg and shredding it to the goal.

Shidou laughed. "Damn, she's good!"

And just then, Ego's angry face turned up on the screen. "Why must you guys fail me? Weren't you down enough after playing against the top five?"

"Ego, how come Rin's not here?"

"Because he is playing against her right now. And now back to what-"

"Can we see?!", Isagi, Karasu, and some other guys yelled, wanting to know if Rin even managed to get the ball.

"No. That is your punishment on not even being able to take the ball from her."

"jeez, but she's a pro, what shoulda we've done?", Nanase asked as he fixed his heaband. Hiori stood next to him, still deep in thought.

"You could've at least tried to run like Chigiri did."

"Hey, what should we do when he's the fastest?!", Barou yelled, kicking the grass.

Ego didn't answer him. Instead, he showed them pictures of you. "Yena is not only a football protégé, she's also a model, sings some songs occasionally, has already published a few books, and her family is in a close alliance with Reo's parents.", and everyone looked at Reo, who still stared at the door you went out of.

He thought back to high school, where you introduced yourself with a bored expression- no, a resting bitch face, and he thought that you were just another mean girl. But boy was he wrong. You were actually the coolest girl he's ever met.

Too bad you had to leave again on your parents' wish. He should've asked you out when he had the chance.

Nagi had a rather sad look as he glanced at Reo who still stared at the door you retreated from. To Nagi, you also became something like a friend, and it hurt a little when you had to leave again.

But now, as you were here again, maybe they could hang out with you again!

...

"Stop fucking looking at me like that.", Rin panted, as he took another huge gulp from his third water bottle.

You sighed as you took out your first. "Why are you making me run around when you can't even take the ball from me?"

"That's none of your fucking business."

"Guess I'll leave then, bitch.", you retorted as you were about to take your bag. Rin quickly stood before you, something like desperation evident in his eyes. "What, you think that just because you're standing before me you can make me stay?"

"It's worth a try."

"It's also worth kicking your balls.", cue him taking a step back as he looked at you bewildered. But you just deadpanned at him.

"You think that because my stats are almost better than your older brother's that I'm going to be your personal training buddy?", you asked, finally drinking from your bottle.

Rin flinched. 'How did you-'

"C'mon, you think I'm that stupid? And no, I'm not going to be your personal training buddy."

"...would you train with me if I asked you nicely?"

"Demonstrate."

"Please train with me."

"Sounds like a demand. No."

"Then how do you want me to fucking say it...?!"

"First off, watch your fucking language around me. Second, beg on your knees of you want me to train with you, loser.", you said, watching as he glared at you.

But, your breath hitched when he actually slowly got down on his knees. "Please...p-please train with me, Yena...!", he growled.

You patted his head. "See? Wasn't that hard. Next time you want me to train with you, I want to hear a little more desperation, alright? But for today, it's enough."

He quickly stood up and went towards the ball he abandoned earlier. "Let's train."

You and Rin had been friends before Sae left, and well, you three just...grew apart. Your father took you to Europe for a better job, ultimately destroying your friendship with Reo, Nagi, Rin and Sae.

But hey, at least you were here as a protégé. And, as much as you hate the way Rin became now, you felt pity and you were also happy to play football with him again.

If only you could make him smile at least one last time before leaving again...

...

"Whoah, you have a snake?! And it's blue!", Bachira asked excitedly as he watched a blue snake sling itself around you. You smiled softly at the boy.

"Her name's Melody. Isn't she cute? If you want to, you can pet her.", cue him reaching a hand out and stroking the snake. "Say, Yena, how come you're so good at football? Did you train all your life? Didn't you come from Europe? What's it like there? Were you in Spain?"

You chuckled softly. "Jeez, don't ask so many questions, boy. No, I was not in spain. I was in Austria the whole time. My dad had work there, which is why we had to go from Japan to Austria. It actually...feels nice being here again.", and you looked at Melody fondly.

Bachira hummed in agreement. "But would you like to go to Spain sometime?"

"Is it because of Lavinho?" "How did you know?!"

You gave him a look to which the boy with bangs giggled shyly. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, I'd also ask about somebody who has similar abilities as me on the field. But please keep in mind that I never met him. And Ego wants you guys to seriously choose the clubs? You'd take spain, right?"

"Yup! Hey, maybe you could join us!", The boy exclaimed excitedly as Melody engulfed him in a warm hug.

You leaned back in your seat. "Can't. Ego said I should just go to Noel Noa's bastard München. I actually wanted to go to Lavinho, or Snuffy, but oh well."

"Hm, bummer. I actually wanted you to teach me how to dribble how you did!"

You cooed internally in your head upon Bachira's excited face and his sweet request. "Maybe when we play against each other?"

"Ooohhh, yes, that would be nice!!"

"Hey, Bachira? Are you here- Whoah!", Isagi yelled as he stumbled upon you and Bachira sitting in a room with Melody on Bachira. "Y-you have a snake on you, Bachira."

"I know. You wanna pet- Ah, can Isagi pet her?", and Bachira turned to you with his sweet big and round eyes. You nodded.

"Ah, no thanks..Say, how old are you actually, Yena?", Isagi asked and sat down next to you and Meguru.

"I'm eightteen."

"But you're so short!"

"And you suck at football!"

There was a short silence of you and Isagi looking at each other. "Don't look at your elders like that. You started it, by the way.", you grumbled, and Isagi apologized, his good manners getting the best out of him.

"Wait, how do you know that I'm younger than you?"

"I got a file from Ego about every single player in this facility. Thanks to my great memory, I know your basic information. Also, which club will you choose, Isagi? Also Bastard München?"

"Yeah, I wanted to play with and against Noel Noa ever since I can remember."

"Neat. Then I guess we'll be teammates again. But maybe I'll let you have the ball a few times.", and Isagi nodded. Bachira pouted.

"Does that mean I won't get to cuddle Melody anymore?"

"I could ask Ego for permission us to meet, but with the way I heard him yelling at you guys through the hallways when training with Rin... ...uh, I don't know if that'll be possible."

The three of you looked deep in thought. You thought about what could make Rin laugh, Bachira thought about Melody's cool blue skin, and Isagi thought about how Rin and you might've been playing. "Say, Yena, how was it with Rin?"

"He's an idiot. En eccentric and stubborn boy at heart.", you declared, which made Isagi and Bachira chuckle. And just then, Reo and Nagi stepped in.

Reo felt like crying. "Yena...!", he whimpered before he threw himself at you, to which you yelled in fear, and he crashed into you. "How could you leave us?! Me and Nagi didn't have another training partner in so loooonnnggg!"

"Get off me, you crybaby!", you grunted as you tried to push him from you, but the purple haired rich guy didn't budge. If anything, he pulled you closer. Nagi did a T-pose and let gravity take him to you two to the ground.

"Fuck off, Nagi!", you yelled. After a few more seconds of you struggling against their grip, you gave up. "You guys being heavier and stronger than me is not fair. Now get up so I can breathe!"

And solemnly, Reo and Nagi latched off of you. "Which team will you guys be in?", you asked after Reo calmed down. Nagi answered this time. "We are going to Italy."

You nodded. "I can kind of see that. And in all honesty...*sigh*...I...missed you guys too."

This time, it was Nagi who lunged himself at you, and Reo began crying again. Bachira and Isagi laughed at you who got suffocated by Nagi.

"So this is your snake, Melody, right?", Reo asked as he reached out his hand. Melody slithered from Bachira to Isagi, who finally petted her.

Nagi sat up and looked at the snake. "She kind of impersonates you, Yena."

You raised an eyebrow. "Sneaky, dangerous and fast?"

"No, beautiful."

Reo glared at Nagi. Nagi looked at the snake with rosy cheeks, Bachira made an 'ooooohhhh~' sound, and Isagi looked at Nagi surprised.

"...Ew.", was all you said, making Nagi frown at you. "It...was a compliment?"

"And I didn't like it."

...

"Verpiss dich, du Arschkriecher!", you yelled angrily as Ness tried taking the ball from you. You and Isagi teamed up to score a goal, and it was going rather smoothly if not for the fact that you always had to wait or run back because he was too slow.

"Lass mich doch einfach den Ball nehmen-"

"Damit du ihn an Kaiser spielen kannst?! Schieß mal ein eigenes Tor!"

Now, Ness was hot on your heel, but you wanted Isagi to score the second goal. And just then, Kunigami came into your vision, seemingly wanting the ball as well. then you developed a plan. You kept dribbling until Kunigami came, and as Ness lunged forward, you swerved to the side with the ball in the last moment, making Ness and Kunigami crash into each other.

"Now!", you yelled as you shot the ball. Unfortunately, Kaiser was thinking that you'd shoot the ball towards Isagi's feet, but you actually wanted Isagi to score a head-goal. Welp, and Kaiser also jumped a little higher than Isagi, that's why...the ball clashed against his face. Kaiser has fallen unconscious. Ness panicked while you laughed your ass off by looking at Kaiser who was laying with his face down and ass in the air.

Isagi chuckled. "Next time, score a damn goal, Isagi."

"Y-yeah. But...what did you say to Ness? I don't like how they took out earpieces before we could play against the other team."

You huffed with an amused grin. "I called Ness an asscrawler, and told him to score a goal himself for once."

And only after the failed goal did drones come with earpieces. As Isagi put his on, with you studying what stood in the box which contained the ear pods, Noel Noa came, looking at you angrily. "Why are you laughing, Yena? That's not funny. You might've seriously hurt him."

"Kaiser shouldn't think that the balls we shoot would always be promised to him. Also, I'd like to see Ness playing without Kaiser. I want to see Ness scoring a goal for a change."

Noa sighed and let you "converse" with Ness, who was yelling at you angrily. "What the hell is your problem?! Why did you shoot him in the-", but he didn't continue as he was busy holding his groin where you kicked him. Isagi was subtly holding a hand in front of his dick.

"Listen here, lapdog. If you yell at me again, I'll cut off your kneecaps and rip out your throat. Aren't you tired of being Kaiser's shadow?...Let's make a deal. If you don't make a goal yourself in this next round yourself or with us passing the ball to you, I'll keep injuring your boyfriend."

Ness 'tch'ed, still in pain from how hard you kicked him. "He's not my boyfriend. And you could loose your career!"

"How? I shot the ball to Isagi, but Kaiser stood in the way. It was an accident. But if you don't score a goal in the next ten minutes, I'll make intentional accidents. Got it?"

Ness looked at you with fear in his eyes. "Y-yes."

---

Heyy, thanks for reading this! Please like, comment, and reblog if you want to!

Read you in the next post!

Also requests are still open for those who are wondering...

[ofallthingsnasty]

I just remembered that one ridiculously cute thing in uni during the body donor class - for context: we dental students got pooled together with the meds during the pre-clinical semesters a lot, and that class was no different.

We were separated in two main groups, and one body donor was shared between 12 students - coming in from Monday to Thursday. On Fridays, you could come in until 12 and just look at the donors without any supervision, you just needed your coat and name tag. And I remember going in before the situs oral and trying to understand how blood flows through the heart and then one of the meds (super intimidating buff guy) saw me struggle and was like '... Hey do you want me to explain that to you?' and then we sat there - him with a whole heart in hand, explaining it all to me, more than happy to help. Not gonna lie, I had a bit of a crush on that guy for the rest of the semester. We weren't even in the same group, so we never saw each other during prep hours but I always had my eyes peeled for him during lectures haha tw.anatomical stuff (i'm german so if my translations are a little off then i'm sorry hah), cadavers, just fluff

Long story short - I'm thinking about that with Law. You and Chopper are at the same table, come in every Friday to review the material of the week, both a little on the not-so-studious side. (Don't get me wrong, you go to every lecture - but those suckers are two hours long and not the only class you have. It's easy to lose track, especially when all you wanna do is catch up on sleep during the weekends.)

You pull your donor out of the body bag, lay them down and go over your notes, some sessions more and some less successful. The two of you are usually not alone, either - there is always someone else rifling around on their own table. Today it's a guy with a severe expression and some earrings. You've seen him in the lecture hall but you and Chopper aren't in the same group as him, so that's really all you know. You get through this week's lecture notes just fine - until it's time for the heart. The way blood gets fed through the atriums and ventricles, how the pressure changes, systole and diastole, the coronary arteries... You two are feeling beyond lost and so, so close to simply giving up - it's just too much and too intricate (at least for someone who has heard all of that info only once, maybe twice). But then there is also that other student - and maybe, just maybe, he knows more than you two do. It's not unusual to ask - and so that's what you do.

Law can't be assed, actually.

He's reviewing his notes, trying to get his own studying done. He's really not the type to do tutoring, doesn't have the patience for it. But you two are loud - hemming and hawing over your own cadaver and if he has to hear you confuse the mitral valve with the tricuspid one more time, then he's going to get a migraine. What are twenty minutes of his time if it means that you get done with your little idiot session and finally leave the hall? So he sighs and motions you to come closer. He's surprisingly good at explaining. The heart of his donor in one hand, a tissue forceps in the other, he walks you through every fact one would want to know about the organ. You probably have stars in your eyes while he talks because finally, finally you're grasping the material - and really, it might be confusing at first, but it's not that hard. He even lets Chopper regurgitate it all to him and has the two of you giggling over it. Law is just glad you two morons are finally having your little eureka moment because it means that you'll be off in a matter of minutes.

But no good deed goes unpunished.

It's then that you notice his tattoos through the nitrile gloves and suddenly he's the most fascinating living guy around (the most fascinating guy is dead on table 5, with golf ball sized cysts in his liver, sorry Law). He gets bombarded with questions, you and Chopper all over him, way too loud, too excited, too fucking annoying. He's already regretting his little act of charity.

And not only do you have the audacity to ask him to explain fetal circulation (because, please, please it's so confusing) as well, no, from that moment on, you're all over him very goddamn Friday and he's been added to three different group chats the moment Chopper and you leave the hall.

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 22 REACTION (SPOILERS)

"So you just ran away" Lena sweetie my live what else was she meant to do (to be fair, Gwen didn't have to provoke ink5oul)

"Watching figure" yeah OK definitely some Eye creature of sorts I'm rly thinking it's like...The Beholding as a creature or an old archivist

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY "presumably you didn't get any contact details from them?" "I guess it's slipped my mind as I was fleeing the SUPERNATURAL PSYCHOPATHS!" also Lena I don't think that you were gonna get any contact details regardless that bitch don't seem like they got a phone

Lena genuinely cares about her employees but also she hates paperwork (polar opposite of Elias)

Okay here's the thing right. I kind of get Gwen. She wasn't briefed on how to handle a situation like that, like what was she MEANT to do??? I would be pissed off if shit like that happened and no one gave me any warning (again, though, Gwen also has a tendency to naturally be a bit bitchy so that probably made it worse)

WAIT. HOLD ON MRS. KELLEY?? AM I READING INTO THINGS TOO MUCH OR. GUYS IS LENA MARRIED????

YO GUYS GRANDPA IS BACK

Oh shit okay so they are kind of recreating or continuing Newton's original experiments, seeing as they mentioned an experiment on Canis (which I believe means "dog"). It seems to have been expanded to apes (Hominidae), bunnies (Leoporidae), and old world monkeys (Cercopithecidae). And it seems this researcher is having strange side effects when it comes to his subjects.

"Herr Schmidt" I'm assuming this is German?

Hm, being told to use silver which again is like. Seeming to be a theme. I'm not sure but in the Newton episode, was there silver as well?

Okay for clarification, it seems like "Zeitgeist" is an invisible agent, force, or daemon dominating the characteristics of a given epoch in world history. Einthoven was a Dutch medical doctor and physiologist and he created the first ECG.

Woahhh hold on. So they're talking about severing a bundle of nerves to make it seem like two animals in one body because it messes with sense of self? This kind of makes me think a little of ink5ouls, the way they seemed scared sometimes of what they were becoming and then like. You know. Scary monster let's chase down Gwen and tattoo her against her will.

Hmm okay so this telegraph seems to be directly responding to the researcher's question, not the patient himself. Like it seems like it's Telegraph -> Herr Schmidt's reaction and not Herr Schmidt's thoughts -> Telegraph reaction.

OH. OK. HERR SCHMIDT IS DEAD NOW.

Damn Ursula is awesome she could immediately understand what was happening.

Oh boy. Oh this gonna be bad. Sam is going to find out that Alice was messing with his computer and Sam does NOT seem like the type to be chill with that.

Hm okay so the severing of the nerves might have worked? And perhaps it was like there were 2 people in Herr Schmidt's body? And from what I can tell, they want so badly to get out that they basically BURST out if his head in the deformity from the back of his head? It still doesn't answer WHAT or WHO these two voices are.

Also it makes sense that Augustus is giving something like this because like...pretty sure he's stuck in the computer, probably with jonmartin and they all want out.

Aw man :(((

OH BOY. "You're trying to control me. Again." I wonder if this is referencing their relationship and why they broke up. I can see it, I do think that Alice has a tendency to be controlling out of need to keep everyone around her safe which is pretty different, but I'm on Sam's side here. Taking away his ability to choose just...isn't great.

Yeahhhh Alice seems to have definitely been hoping to rekindle what they might have had but I think the issue seems that she hoped SAM had changed from before while the reason they broke up was because Sam couldn't be with Alice anymore since he felt like she was too controlling. And now that Sam seems to be having a genuine connection with Celia where he feels comfortable and happy, Alice seems jealous.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT WHAT HOLY FUCK HIH WHAT AKDVAKDHWJT E

JONATHAN SIMS AND MARTIN BLACKWOOD????

HEY GUYS WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HWIAHAOWVEBE RHAJDVAIBDKWBR E

I JUST SCREAMED "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" WHAT YOU WHAT HUH WHAT

AND THE FACT THAT CELIA MENTIONED THEM BOTH SPECIFICALLY TOGETHER LIKE HELLO???? GUYS IM. WHAT.

I'm sorry shut up this is all I'm gonna be talking about for the next month what the HELL

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 14 thoughts

i just finished the episode and stared at the screen for a bit and then burst into laughter because. what the hell did i just watch?

all i could think of while viewing this episode was that video of brittany broski in epcot sipping on a drink, shaking her head in confusion, and saying "heyyy! what are we doing?"

lmao. okay. so let's start from the top. man hold on i'm giggling again due to how baffled i am. okay i need to Get It Together.

(i assume that those who read this blog are already familiar with this episode so i'm not gonna list TWs and i normally don't feel the need to but we get some... interesting flavors here, like child abuse and antisemitism mention. and to be clear, i am not laughing at those- i am laughing about how utterly confused i am, and how i have no answers to anything, and only more questions than before this episode began)

so the episode title is in german and i had no idea what it meant but it was quickly explained. we'll get to that.

we start at a PTA meeting- a parent-teacher association, arguably the scariest of all settings we have yet encountered. and they're arguing about the school musical. someone wants to do jesus christ superstar (banger show) but they think that is inappropriate so i'm like oh, they're just super christian, and hippie jesus must offend them. and they also shoot down the idea of grease for language so this only reinforces my belief.

they start praying, which was in line with my earlier assumptions, but they're praying to satan. which raises the question: why does satan care if the musical grease says "fuck"?

(but this made the idea of JCS being inappropriate very very funny)

they're chanting the german that the episode is titled, which means "his is the hand that wounds" which tracks i suppose

now we're in the woods of new hampshire, with some teenagers, one of which says this girl's mittens are "giving him a gingrich". so i looked that up thinking it was some sort of 90's slang i was not versed in, but the only result was a reddit post trying to figure out what they meant in that exact episode. which did make me feel justified.

so these teens are being creepy, reciting things at a witch's altar and it looks like the boys are gonna try and be weird with the girls. they're doing some reciting and RATS BE UPON YE.

they're making a break for it, when the lead guy's neck is snapped. and we don't see by who.

enter our agents! the policeman is saying that he KNOWS they listen to that devil music, to which mulder quips, "the night chicago died?", so i had to google THAT too, and its a song about al capone. so i'll look into that i suppose.

policeman is like noooo, it's that evil METAL music

they're examining the altar, and scully asks who he was with, and the policeman says uhh we thought he was by himself? she says well, there's two six packs here, which generally suggests company, and also here's a scrap from a book. why didn't your guys notice this? and i thought this was going to be a plot point, how the cops were overlooking basic details, but they just sucked for no reason lmao

i also made a note that her hair looked really good here. a little wavy. the way i wished my hair looked.

mulder's going on about this place having a weird feeling, which i wish he would elaborate upon, but she's saying nooo, it's nothing, until...

toads fall out of the sky and onto their umbrellas.

YES BABY!!! CAMP TV!!!! TOAD SHOWERS!!!

(also gonna NEED their reactions in gif form at some point because i'm howling)

((and also how did they film that? go to the toad store to pick up some background actors?))

they go to the library to try and trace down who had the book they found the scrap from, and scully's theory is that the toads must have been brought by the tornadoes that were recently in the area. this is a scully approved theory.

they go into the school to try and talk to the surviving boy, who is sitting in science class with a sub, and when they announce they are looking for him the kid tries to jump out the window. but mulder is a track star and grabs his legs before he can fully yeet himself out. and i'm thinking to myself, if the FBI came and grabbed some kid in my science class, i think i would pass out.

our agents pull this kid and the two girls who were there aside for questioning, and the boy says he was just trying to "get some". at the witch's altar. a sick and twisted juvenile.

CUT SCENE to the PTA who say amongst themselves that one of them must have killed the boy, whose name is jerry, but they all deny it. he was killed with his heart and eyes ripped out, which is in line with their practices. so yeah that's suspicious but after that episode of trophy hunting killers, it could be anyone.

but when our agents enter the scene, the PTA say that it must have been the media that brainwashed the kids into satanic killers. and scully is like. if that were the case there would be tens of thousands of murders. and they say "okay so you get the stakes here" which had me howling. "tHe mEdiA iS bRaInWaShInG tHe cHiLdrEn" <- wow this is something i cannot say i have heard in the year of our lord 2024 (/s)

when they walk out of the school, mulder stops to get a drink at a water fountain. which is already funny because that's a grown ass man. when he notices that the water is going down the wrong way for the hemisphere they are in. and i'm laughing because why the HELL does he know which way the water is supposed to go down the drain. like i have never thought of that in my entire life and i guess now i will.

(btw this is never explained. we don't know why the water goes the other way here. witchcraft, i guess)

at this point, i'm thinking, this substitute teacher has to be the killer, and she opens up the drawer of her desk to put away the tests the students were taking, and we see a heart and eyeballs. gasp! i paused the screen here to make note of this revelation and the eyeballs on stalks looked sososo funny. and she just COVERS THEM UP with some papers which i can imagine must have been hard to grade after being soaked in blood.

they take a trip to the school therapist and mulder says boy, there are an awful lot of cases of mental health troubles here. and the doctor says, yes, this is high school. which honestly? i remember high school and yeah. that does track. it was a strange time. but mulder is not pleased with this explanation and expects that it's something deeper

scully went online and found what sounds like a report on the case- a boy killed with his eyes and heart removed- and mulder is like omg where did you get this?

well. i did not see this coming.

she then keeps reading and it is deeply antisemitic. actually allow me to do a verbatim report from the notes here:

"she went online and i was like haha she used this newfangled internet :) AND THEN SHE READS AN ARTICLE CALLING A SIMILAR CASE ACTUAL BLOOD LIBEL?? MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR IN RECORD TIME oh she found it in a Nazi newspaper from 1934... oh my gosh y'all i thought this was going in a VERY different direction"

so i thought that maybe this was framing the murder as an act of religious persecution? but it wasn't. they just threw that in there for... reasons?

mulder explaining wiccan lore... yeah that's a man who has studied religions

at this point, we are back in the science classroom, and the substitute teacher is handing out baby pigs. OUGH. i am so glad i never had to do that in school.

this poor girl is about to cut into the pig and she looks like she is going to be sick, which is in all honesty exactly what i would have been doing, but then she starts screaming and seeing things like the pig moving??? and squeaking???

she runs to the office, where the agents are serving looks in a corner, and she's told her dad is gonna come get her, but she runs away and mulder chases her and says "you're remembering!" because he is once again convinced of the reality of repressed memories due to his own personal experience

they're staring at this teenager as she sits crying on a picnic bench spilling her life story and again, the whole dealing with kids thing, who thought this was gonna be part of the fbi? not me!

this girl is crying, saying that her stepdad used to hurt her, and that they would chant and tie her and her sister up.... and well. this next part will also be best delivered from my notes verbatim:

"THEY WOULD GET ME PREGNANT AND THEN THEY WOULD KILL THE BABIES???? HUH??? I'VE HAD THREE CHILDREN AND THEY'RE ALL BURIED IN THE CELLAR??? STEPDAD KILLED HER SISTER??? WHAT THE FUCK"

and boy we do not even sort have time to unpack all of that. but it is safe to say that i was thoroughly gagged, and our agents seem only mildly surprised. in retrospect, i think they didn't believe her, which was further proved by a line like "imagine if what she is saying is true", but i, the viewer, believed her pig-induced memories

the girl is hysterical, and scully moves closer to hug her, and hold her while she sobs into her trench coat, and i'm sitting here wondering what is going on (very few answers are delivered btw)

(shoutout to scully to letting a strange teenager cry into her while confessing to all of That)

so the agents go over to the girl's parent's house, the stepdad of whom is in the PTA cult btw, and they ask about the things the daughter told them and i was shocked because. if they really WERE killing babies, telling them they knew about it could perhaps allow the parents to tamper with the evidence sitting in the basement. but the parents are shocked by the whole thing.

scully is asking why the daughter would say all this- and the mom is saying that her and stepdad have been having marriage problems- but i don't think that leads to THESE SORT OF CLAIMS?

at this point, i was deeply confused. i had no idea what to believe or where the narrative was leading me beyond the fact the substitute was evil. i wrote that i was "mentally putting up a board and there is string everywhere and i'm trying to figure out what is going on"

the girl had mentioned a sister who was killed by the stepdad at age 8- and scully says, well did you have any other kids? and the mom says yeah, one who died. and was she 8 when she died? not 8 years, but 8 weeks.

so what is going on here

scully is trying to be pretty careful and tiptoe around the situation, figure out what is real and what isn't, whereas mulder gets alone with stepdad and just asks him "did you do it?" which had me HOWLING. absolutely zero subtlety in this man.

he opens the door to the cellar and it SLAMS shut and stepdad man gets VERY angry and tells them to leave. can you do that? kick the fbi out while they're investigating you? i didn't realize that was an option

okay, so the girl is trying to make up her final, and is back with the substitute making up her pig autopsy because it's a final and of course you don't want to miss a final! the teacher takes her jewelry so it doesn't get dirty which makes sense to me, but then we see her in her office burning it over a candle??? and she's MOANING??? and it seems she's controlling the girl into CUTTING HER ARM??? she's bleeding out on the floor. and i'm still wondering what the hell is going on. but this poor girl is dead.

the agents are at the crime scene and the substitute is being weird af but i guess that's to be expected of someone who just did psychic murder

the PTA committee says the energy is very bad and they need to do a sacrifice to clear the air... so they say they're gonna frame the girl who just died as killing jerry, the og murdered boy, and say that she was jealous he liked another girl. and the stepdad seems pleased with this plot, which only made me further believe that he did the evil things he denied.

so at this point i was thinking, has anyone thought to check the cellar and see if there are in fact babies down there. no? just me? okay

mulder smells incense in the substitute's office, which she says is to cover the smell of pig, but he knows is also used in black mass, and frankly i'm shocked that it didn't set off the fire alarms, because i went to public school and i know how finicky those things are. but the situation is looking sus as hell because the actual teacher she's subbing for has only EVER missed these two days of school and also apparently he's out with... flesh-eating bacteria? that seems a bit odd, don't you think? AND no one can recall hiring this substitute.

there was a very loud and spooky clap of lightning here that felt reminiscent of the halloween specials of shows i used to watch as a kid. and i was wondering if this was perhaps meant as a halloween special of sorts. can anyone confirm.

mulder must have picked up on me telling him to go check the cellar for babies, so he gets a warrant and goes down there, but STEPDAD IS WAITING FOR HIM IN THE DARK! he's monologuing about his religion, and being raised to think that humans are no better than animals...

but then those in the PTA decided they would frame his dead daughter for jerry's murder, he realizes he IS better than an animal! better late than never for such a basic realization to hit, i suppose?

he also says that his beliefs were responsible for her being killed. so i hoped he would elaborate and surprise. he did not.

he admits to including them in ceremonies because the blood of the young is very powerful (???) but he says he never hurt them the way she claimed. and there were definitely no babies. she must have gotten that from the tabloids, and it mixed in with the repressed memories. which doesn't sound like how repressed memories work so i do not trust this guy still.

meanwhile the substitute is doing some witchery, while scully is still in the school! this cannot bode well for her!!!!

mulder is shocked by stepdad's stupidity, and says "did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?" which is objectively a banger line, even if used quite literally

the witch/substitute is moaning again and she's dialing numbers and mulder's phone rings, and scully's voice says there's something going on in the school, so he handcuffs stepdad to the cellar to get tf out of there, and locks the door behind him, but the cellar door OPENS????

A SNAKE IS COMING NOW???? he is BIG and is he gonna EAT stepdad...?

YES HE IS??? BOA AROUND THE NECK AND TORSO??? HUH?? what is going ON.

mulder arrives at the school just as the snake begins to feast, and he has his gun drawn and does his famous "scully?" yell, when he bursts in on her... just chilling in the dark and doing her work LMAO. he's all "why did you call?" and she says "i didn't?"

meanwhile the snake is doing some serious eating and the SUB HAS SNAKE EYES NOW?? HELLO?

they rush back to stepdad's place, where they find the door unlocked, and nothing but human bones on the ground and what looks like a snake track, which scully points out is impossible because it would take HOURS for a snake to eat a human and then weeks to digest...

and he makes some comment about her watching TLC and i'm thinking, well, i feel like knowing how long a snake would take to eat a human is more relevant than knowing which way the water goes down in a sink, so don't try and nerd shame her here.

but they find a snakeskin so they know it's a snake, and they remember there was a snake in the classroom, so it's time to get back there because clearly he has been consumed and there is not much that can be done to undo being eaten

the PTA folks are having a conference, talking about the death of stepdad, and how they need to make a sacrifice, and they say that if mulder knows what the sacrifice is for, it'll make it more meaningful, so ARE THEY GONNA SACRIFICE HIM??????

when mulder and scully return to the classroom, the substitute is moaning on the floor, saying she thinks the PTA folks killed the boy, and i'm like uh-huh, for sure, snake woman

scully opens her drawer and finds the eyeballs which are pretty incriminating... but as they go out to return to the substitute...

the PTA ATTACKS! a bookshelf is thrown on scully, and mulder is beaten by two men. and they are tied up and taken to the gym showers???? here i wrote "what the hell, there are two minutes left in this episode" and i was hoping it would somehow resolve itself so we didn't end up with another two parter and i could go to sleep after this in peace

(which. it did wrap up in those two minutes but i'm confused so there is little of the aforementioned peace i hoped for going on)

so the PTA crew has a dagger and a gun for sacrificial purposes, and they're about to be sacrificed in a high school gym shower, when the substitute uses her witch powers to make the PTA members turn the gun upon THEMSELVES, and frees our agents from their trouble. sort of. because they are still tied up and wet in the shower.

(does anyone know what the hell is happening.)

they stop writhing about and make it back to the classroom, where the substitute has written a note saying it's been nice working with you and then she's gone.

hey!! what ARE we doing here?

so i don't even know where to begin. i feel a lot of questions were raised and not one of them answered. what was up with that girl saying she was forced to give birth? were the parents denying it because it didn't happen or were they covering up the truth? what was with the whole eight year old vs eight weeks old dead sister? did the substitute kill jerry AND the girl, AND the PTA, and then just... leave? was she the dark force they were worshiping taking revenge on their lack of faith? but if that were the case, why would she kill the PTA members who were about to make a sacrifice? why would she kill the two kids and three adults but spare the agents? where did she go? why did she briefly have the eyes of a snake? where did the snake go? how did he eat a whole person that fast?

man. i'm not sure i've ever been so baffled.

was this an attempt to comment on the satanic panic? like, was the show pointing out how silly it was, or validating the fears of people across america?

i'm so deeply confused. can someone tell me if i'm missing something. was there some overarching theme that went over my head. is this setting up a part two where there will be answers. or is that the whole thing.

?????

[frau-wilhelm-klink]

Pls spill your ideas on Klink revealing he knew all about what Hogan was doing and just kept quiet. I need the details

Hi! Sure, I'd be happy to. As a Klink fangirl, I'm obligated to defend my man😂 For this answer, I was gonna type it all out...but then I remembered I have a fic that literally has eight different instances of it. (And this isn't a plug, it's just a lucky coincidence on my part because I'm tired.) So I took advantage of my good fortune by taking screenshots of the parts in question. All of these times are canon, and in every one, Klink has either looked the other way and/or not asked questions when he definitely should have been asking them!

To expand on this answer a little more, you have to remember that Klink is a veteran of the first World War. This is a canon fact. And as you may or may not know, there were quite a few veterans of that era who were...shall we say, less than thrilled about the regime. Klink is one of them; he's subtly expressed his distaste for Hitler in canon at least once in "The Most Escape-Proof Camp I've Ever Escaped From". (The scene in question is after he tells Hogan "We all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect." After Hogan looks rather pointedly at the picture of Hitler in the Kommandantur, Klink growls, "Except him, of course.") So we have at least two reasons why he'd support Hogan.

Another interesting fact is how every time Klink grows a backbone, it's always for the same reason - somebody is threatening to take his prisoners out of his camp, and therefore strip them of his protective custody. Now you might say, "Well, he's just doing his job." Which is true, but Klink's also shown to be terrified of the Gestapo/SS. He bows to their whim on everything else. If he was truly that scared of them, he would never speak up. But he does. Even Hochstetter, a man who regularly pushes Klink around despite being outranked twice over, can't threaten the POWs without our illustrious kommandant putting his jackboot down. If said prisoner is Hogan, Klink becomes even more adamant with his refusal. Why? Because he knows what's going on and knows Hogan is needed to lead the operation.

Speaking of Hogan, have you ever noticed how Klink has trusted him countless times with his very life? Hogan claims he's just "an ordinary POW - which is obviously a lie - but yet Klink still does it. He's asked Hogan for his advice more than once. Klink's also relied on Hogan countless times to get him out of one jam or another, already knowing the colonel would find a way to do so, even if it wasn't one that was planned by the Heroes. It makes zero sense for Klink to take that risk unless he knows for a fact Hogan can get him out of Germany if worse comes to worse. You don't get to be a full bird colonel (or Oberst, if we're using the proper German term) by being stupid. Heck, even if you blame nepotism, that would only get Klink so far. And that's not even counting the amount of times Hogan has mentioned things he shouldn't know about to Klink without it being questioned how he knew them.

There's no question in my mind that he knows. Klink might wear a monocle, but he can clearly see how clever Hogan is. He's well aware the colonel is both crafty and sneaky. If he didn't, the visit from Beidenbender ("Hogan Gives a Birthday Party") stating how he, Beidenbender, was personally assigned to get inside Hogan's head would tell Klink all he needed to know. Combine the first three traits with Beidenbender stating Hogan has a tendency to overplan everything and it wouldn't be hard to connect the dots. Especially since pretty much all of the sabotage work the Heroes do is near Stalag 13...which is yet another thing that's been pointed out in canon several times.

As to why Klink doesn't say anything...well, he just wants his Germany back. He doesn't want Hitler in charge any more than Schultz does. Klink turns a blind eye to everything as much as he can, although he still has to make a half-hearted attempt to question things so Hogan doesn't get suspicious. All part and parcel of being the one in command. Does he have other reasons for doing what he does? Possibly. I wouldn't be surprised at all if Klink (who would wait until the night before the Allies arrived to drop that bombshell) is hoping Hogan will protect him.

The thing is, Klink really can't outright say anything to Hogan. Not without running the risk of everything going to hell in a hand basket, anyway. He can't be certain how the colonel would take the news that his jailer is helping him. Klink can't openly join the resistance either; he'd be shot if he did. Instead, our kommandant fights back against the regime in the best way he knows how: quietly aiding Hogan however he can without drawing unwanted attention to himself, his camp or his prisoners.

Whew! Sorry this got so long-winded, but I'm sure you probably guessed it would be when you asked me that😂 Hope this satisfies your curiosity.

Edit: Since I've had more than one person ask me where they can read this fic, it can be found here. The title of it and link are also in the notes. I'm very flattered some of you are intrigued enough by the screenshots to take that much of an interest in my work🥰

[thorraborinn]

hey man, hope you're well.

bit of an arb question for ya - and i totally understand if you'd prefer to skip it because time & effort etc etc - but if you're game i'd really be interested in your thoughts on the ᛇ rune.

thanks dude, appreciate it. even if you nope the hell outta this ;)

cheers

I'm sorry that I left you on read for months. The honest truth is that at first I had trouble reigning in the scope of my response and knowing when to cut myself off from researching (there are still things I've yet to read that could influence my take on this), and then I got busy and just straight up forgot. I'm gonna give you a response that will be completely unsatisfying but hopefully better than no response.

For more on the details of the different linguistic theories about the rune that I only briefly mention below see "The Yew Rune, Yogh and Yew" by Bernard Mees.

The problem I have talking about this rune is that any examination of it produces a lot of questions, all of them very interesting, and some which call into question what we can know about runes in general. Talking about this rune is like untying a knot where every time you loosen a section another one tightens. There are a lot of people on the internet who claim to have figured it out but who have not realized that the conclusions that must logically follow are not things they're likely to accept. It's hard to talk about it at all without saying a lot. This is entirely unlike ᛈ *perþō(?) *perþrō(?) where it simply becomes a dead end quickly due to lack of evidence. With ᛇ there is an extreme overabundance of mutually-conflicting possibility, plus a history of the rune being innovated in ways that obscures how it was used prior to that innovation.

I recognize that most people who want to talk about runes on this website are mostly interested in magical/divinatory uses. For better or worse I don't have anything to say about that, but if that's what someone's into then I urge you to at least consider that the mundane aspects of a rune form the ground of speculation about everything else, and any magical/mystical speculation should at least be inclusive of things we can see and touch. And I think that if someone chooses not to grapple with the evidence, they're actually missing out on what's actually interesting about this rune.

Even giving it a single name is loaded. In text I call it "the yew rune" but thanks to the particularities of English that doesn't work out loud. There's no possibility of writing or speaking its name without making some bold assertions about linguistics, whether one knows it or not. I think the most accurate way to give it a "name" results in this entire paragraph-length sentence:

There were a few synonyms for 'yew (tree/wood)', which may have included any or all of *īwaz, *īhaz, *īgaz, *īhwaz, and *īgwaz; that may or may not have arisen by the splitting of an earlier proto-form that is difficult to reconstruct; and which had some degree of exchangeability in some places and times; and the earliest name of the rune could have been any of these but it was also identified with one or another at different times.

*īwaz informs the normal OE word for 'yew' and the Old Norse rune ýr; *īhaz informs the OE rune īh/ēoh. Sometimes they get shoved together into *īhwaz, which on the surface is just a way of abbreviating "the above explanation"*īwaz and *īhaz", but has potential to be read at face value if you're willing to grapple with some questions regarding Proto-Indo-European, Verner's Law, maybe Germanic reflexes of laryngeals. *eihwaz is a name I see a lot but which is either definitely wrong; requires either significant reanalysis of the languages it was used to write; or undermines the use of the comparative method for reconstructing rune names at all (which, hey, maybe it should be undermined, but the consequences for the rest of the runes would be significant). Sometimes when people propose *eihwaz or anything starting *ei- they are actually intentionally saying "runes are older than Proto-Germanic" which is an argument one can make but you have to actually make it, and they are usually neglecting that at that time, the word for 'ice' was *eisa- and so this doesn't actually restore balance to the runes anyway.

The next set of problems involves its use in writing. In the earliest inscriptions we have, it's used very rarely but when it is it's indistinguishable from *īsa(z), i.e., it writes /i/. Later on, it also comes to write a consonant that was probably something like [ç], the sound in German ich, which was present in some of these languages but cannot be the first sound in a word. It would actually be pretty satisfying to argue that the [ç] sound was original, and that /i/ is a later thing coming from the principle that a rune's name should start with the sound it writes. But this is the reverse of the evidence -- are we supposed to just be okay with the idea that the rune's original usage just happened by coincidence not to produce any surviving evidence for hundreds of years, and then suddenly did?

The īh rune in Codex Vindobonensis 795, c. 798 with sound value given "i & h"

It would eventually gain other sound values too, including /k/ in some Old English sources and of course it becomes (or rather, merges with ᛉᛦ into) the /ʀ/ rune in Old Norse, then a weird multifunctional vowel rune for a bit before settling on /y/ which was its main use into modern times.

Ideally, if you lined up the questions about the reconstruction of the name in one column, and the problems in what sounds it was used to write in another, you could find overlaps and find items in each column that reinforce each other; but in reality the questions tend to multiply instead.

I have some thoughts about why most of this rarely gets discussed, even by people for whom runes are an important part of their religion. I think we have a cultural predisposition to recognized systematic order and balance as a sign of legitimacy, to the point that it even overwhelms material evidence. What this rune is evidence of isn't an original cohesive and complete system (whether or not that existed), but rather of persistent intervention over the course of a thousand years -- it cannot be understood in isolation of stone, parchment, and human hands. This is anecdotal but it seems that most people who are into runes at all are really only interested in that "original" pure unadulturated state that they suppose must have been the first iteration of runes, and view everything that comes after -- that is, all actual evidence -- as valuable only insofar as it points back toward that idealized system. But not only doesn't ᛇ do that (though admittedly, one day it might, if the right theory comes along), it shows that the way people interacted with runes over generations calls into question our assumption that the other runes do provide reliable evidence for that. I think that for most people who post about runes online or even write books about runes for a popular audience, this is in such violation of common sense that they don't find it worth consideration, and generally side with whatever one of the simple theories about it they most recently read. Even among professional linguists, most attempts to explain the rune simply aren't just neutral answers, they are expressions of panic and attempts to restore order. Admittedly, a theory could still be proposed that puts all this to rest. But the way people respond now, while it hasn't, while people habitually latch onto explanations that they clearly don't understand, is still revealing of our epistemologies.

If you want to find meaning in this, I might suggest something like this. One of the distinguishing characteristics of yew wood is its flexibility and springiness (making it so suitable for bows that ýr can simply mean 'bow' in Old Norse). Whatever the rune's earliest name was (or set of names were), it was somehow seemingly set up to stay relevant a thousand years in the future. Despite being redundant already in the earliest examples we have (maybe even when it was first used??), it found new usage for writing a [ç]-like sound (presumably *īha- was pronounced somewhere in the vicinity of [iːça]). Old Norse was eventually going to need a rune for /y/, and *īwaz was set up to produce a word by regular phonological development: *īw > ý (see also *tīwaz > Týr), and it's almost creepy how they thought to preserve that name despite needing to move it to a different graphic form, given that *elhaz/algiz worked perfectly well as the name of a rune for writing /ʀ/, but lacked a y.

[Edit: I should clarify that I don't actually think there's anything unexplainable or mystical about this -- I think it's a combination of the same opportunistic innovation that is characteristic of rune use in general and a little bit of coincidence].

So basically ᛇ is distinguished by how often it's been bent and twisted and made to fill gaps that arose as a result of language change while always maintaining continuity with its earlier forms. Its name may or may not have alternated between some closely-associated variants, but it was never changed outright, unlike a bunch of others. It exhibits a plasticity that's fitting for a rune meaning 'yew,' and it was given that name long, long before demonstrating its suitability. All this can only be seen by taking the long view, looking at how it unfolds over time, by specifically turning away from an idealized, atemporal proto-Elder Futhark.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Okay I had an idea for your mini story challenge:

1. Character: Max Phillips (I feel like he doesn't get enough love)

2. Line: "Assume the position."

this prompt actually had me thinking for a while about it, because my German brain could not make out what it means lmao

Pairing: Max Phillips x fem. reader

Warnings: smut (unprotected sex), anal play, biting, semi public sex, office sex

"Assume the position," you heard him ask, your brain blissfully empty with the way his cock was filling you as you rode him slowly, your hips moving on top of his, his hands playing with your tits that were hanging out of your bra, your wrap dress still on your shoulders.

When his words registered you stopped moving, tilting your head to the side in a silent question and he grinned, not even a hair out of place on top of his head, his red tie only loosened a little, his suit jacket still on.

"Assume the position I'm gonna fuck you in your cute little ass for the first time," he wiggled his eyebrows and you rolled your eyes before you began to move again, his hands both now coming down to rest on your ass, grabbing a handfull each of your asscheeks, helping you move on top of him.

"Assuming I am gonna let you, I know you wanna fuck me from behind," you grinned before you leaned down, both of your hands resting beside his head before you kissed him.

Humming against your lips be began to thrust up into you, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you close against his chest, using his strength to hold you like he wanted as he fucked up into you hard and fast.

Your head dropped down beside his, moaning against his ear as he seemed to pump into you even quicker.

"Fuck, Max please...." you whimpered and he turned his head, so his nose brushed against your neck, inhaling deeply, while one of his hands pushed lower, until his fingers found your other hole, beginning to play with it and it was as the tip of his finger slipped inside of you, the coldness of the ring he was wearing on that same finger, making you shiver, that he bit you, making you cum so hard it took almost five minutes for you to stop shaking after, a very pleased Max looking up at you while you laid on top of him, his cock still hard inside of you.

"I think we gonna be late to the 11am meeting," he grinned, before he picked you up and laid you down on the sofa, where he continued to fuck you so long, you both also missed you 1pm meeting.