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shadedrose01 · 5 years

Text

Teddy Bear Blues

Ship: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker)

Summary: Harley is grieving on the one year anniversary of his mother's death. Peter makes him a gift to help him feel better.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 16, teddy bear, Grief/Mourning, Mourning, Loss, Mentions of violence/character death but it's pretty vague, Harleys mom died, And hes grieving, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Sad Harley Keener, peter Parker is a good boyfriend, and tries his best to help, Tony is here too, but barely, Established Relationship, Love

Day 16 of Febufluff: "Teddy Bear"! (From the romantic/ original list)

Note: read the tags. This fic deals with grief, and the aftermath of the loss of a loved one. It isnt extremely detailed, but it's in the majority of this fic. If that's not your speed, or if that hits a little too close to home, then please don't read. Be safe, take care, I love you all ❤

It happens gradually, as grief usually does. It starts with Harley going out less, making more excuses as to why he has to stay home, whether it be homework or studying, or that he's "just tired" and needs to rest. Then, it's losing energy, losing interest in things he used to love, not getting as excited at the idea of a new game being announced, not enjoying the annual movie/board game nights with the Avengers as he used to, not making snarky responses and witty one liners, not seeming as upbeat, as happy as he used to.

And now, Peter notes as he watches Harley swirl around his cereal with his spoon, head bowed, bags under his eyes and an expressionless, tired look on his face, its lack of appetite, and lack of sleep. Of feeling hungry, but not being able to stomach more than a few bites. Of not having nightmares, of being tired, exhausted even, and still not being able to fall asleep.

He had been doing much better with the sadness, with the overwhelming grief these past few months, had almost gotten back to being himself again, before this new milestone had hit, sucking all of the life right back out of him and leaving him as a quiet, lifeless corpse. The first year. The first anniversary of his mother's death, of her being gone from his life. Peter remembers it well, remembers how he felt with his parents, with Uncle Ben, and feels a pang almost like a knife carve into his chest, into his heart, wonders what he can do to ease the terrible ache he knows Harley is feeling.

He knows there isnt much he can do, besides be there by his side and comfort him however he can, but that doesn't feel like enough. He can't just sit there and watch his boyfriend recluse into himself and be in all this pain without doing anything, without doing more.

So, once Harley finally gives up, pushing away his bowl and mumbling about getting ready for school, walking back to his room with his shoulders slumped, head down, looking so unbelievably sad that it makes Peter's heart break, he starts to think. Thinks back to the first year after Ben, what he felt, what he wanted. Remembers laying in bed all day, sobbing his eyes out, feeling so unbelievably guilting, just wanting him back. Wanting to smell his smell, feel his hugs, his kisses, wanting to hear his voice one last time...

Wait. Peter sits up straight, eyes widening as an idea sparks in his mind. Maybe, maybe he could work with that. He shoots out of the chair, heading straight to the lab. He remembers a while ago, when working in the lab, Harley randomly mentioned that he kept a few home videos in there, in the closet, and watched them occasionally on the good days, on reminiscence on the good times his family had before everything happened. And he remembers one day, a few months after him and Harley started dating, when he got the honor to watch one with Harley, remembers the stereotypical baby in the bathtub video, remembers Harleys adorably chubby cheeks, remembers what his mom said at the end of the video, right before it clicks off into black.

He searches in the closet, quickly finding the box of tapes before pulling out what he thinks is the right one, before putting into the player he digged out a few minutes earlier. He fast forward through the adorableness, a man on a mission, before playing it at normal speed right at the end, right as Harleys mothers voice, soft and warm and sweet, says the exact words he remembered. Perfect, its perfect. He takes the tape back out of the player, and brings it over to his workstation, already scribbling out a blue print for his idea.

Peter wakes up a few days later, feeling uneasy, a heaviness in the air as soon as he opens his eyes. He taps his phone to check the time, and sees the date, sighing long and low. November 16th. A whole year after the death of Macy Keener.

Peter and Harley werent really close when it happened, he had never even meet her, but he definitely remembers the day it happened. When Harley's phone rang out during their class, and he answered it with a grin, thinking nothing of it. When the grin fell off his face, slipping into shock, horrific shock and fear and agony, when tears filled and pooled over his eyes, ran down his cheeks. When he had placed a hand over his mouth and sobbed loudly, the horrible, awful, heartbreaking sound echoing in the classroom, the other students going silent as he ran out, Peter calling his name and running after him, worried sick. When Harley had babbled and cried and screeched into his shoulder, telling him that his mama had gotten into a bad car accident, that she had died, that "She's gone, Peter, she's gone, oh God-". When Tony had picked them both up, looking older than he had in a long, long time.

Peter shakes his thoughts away, trying to focus on the here and the now. He needs to be strong today, for Harley. He takes a deep breath, and forces himself out to bed, throwing on a random pair of pjs and a shirt, knowing that they arent going to be going anywhere today. He then makes his way to the kitchen, unsurprisingly seeing Mr. Stark making breakfast, flipping chocolate chip pancakes (Harley's favorite) before his gaze lands on the boy in question, his heart dropping when he does.

Harley is upright, sitting at one of the stoods at the island of the kitchen, but hes hunched over as if staying upright is just too much work, as if he has the world's weight on his shoulders, his hair a mess and his stormy sea eyes lined with red, blank, staring off into oblivion, cheeks already tear stained.

Peter let's out another soft sigh at the pitiful sight, sharing a sympathetic glance with Mr. Stark before walking quietly to his boyfriend, running a tender hand his tense back and shoulders, hugging him from behind and kissing the top of his bowed head, lingering, hopefully comforting. "Good morning, baby." He whispers into Harley's hair, rubbing his shoulders in firm, soothing circles, easing out the knots forming in his back.

"Morning." Is the soft, shaky response, Harley's voice drained of emotion, filled with exhaustion, with ache and loss. Tony looks surprised, like that's the first time Harley's spoken today. It probably was.

Peter places his chin on the top of his boyfriend's head, continuing his comforting motions as he murmurs gently "How are you feeling, love?"

He feels Harley swallow, before he's shaking his head and ducking out of Peter's grasp, putting his forehead against the granite and practically curling into a ball, looking smaller than he ever has as his entire body shutters with a silent sob. Peter blinks the tears out of his own eyes, before gently pulling the crumbling boy into his arms, placing his face into the crook of his neck and his arms around his waist, around his back. "Its okay, let it out, baby, its okay." He whispers over and over as he runs a hand up and down his back, as he feels a wet patch growing on his shirt collars, as Harley's sobs grow from silent to agonizingly loud, from sniffles and hicks, whimpers and wails, his body shuttering from the intensity of it all.

After a while, too long for Peter to keep count, the boy settles back down a bit, but doesnt let go, doesn't pull away, burying his face further into Peter's chest as he mumbles, voice thick with mucus, heavy with pain, "I miss her so much."

"I know, sweetheart, I know." Peter presses another light kiss to Harleys temple, squeezing his body as another shutter runs through him.

Harley's breath hicks, his eyes squeezing closed, another stray tear running down his face. "Does it ever get better? Does it ever- ever go away?"

Peter glances back up at Tony, who's dark brown eyes are sad, cloudy, full of empathy. "It does." The man says quietly, seriously. "The grief, the pain, it fades over time. You'll always feel it a bit, in your heart, but it does get better."

Peter nods to reaffirm his point, leaning the side of his head against Harleys. "The pain, the loss goes away, but the memories, the love, those don't. They always stay, right here," he presses a hand gently to Harleys chest, "and here." And then to his head, running his hand into the ryestalk strands, curling them around his fingers. "She'll always be with you, Harley. Always. And..." Peter swallows, suddenly feeling nervous, wondering if this was a good idea after all. "I got you something to help."

Harley pulls his head away and looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed slightly and blotchy face scrunched up in confusion. "You got me something?"

"Mhm," he nods again, easing Harley off of him and back into his chair as he stands, "wait here." He rushes back to his room, grabbing the gift he had finished last night. He runs a thumb over the soft brown plush of the teddy bear's belly, where the speaker was hidden, feeling nerves swirling up inside him. He just hopes that Harley likes it, and that it doesnt backfire, and make everything so much worse.

He carries it gently as he walks back to the kitchen, holding out to a now even more bewildered Harley. But theres a twitch of a smile on his lips, so he isn't against it yet, gazing at Peter curiously. "Squeeze it." Peter says simply, fidgeting with the stray strings on the ends of his shirt, praying this ends well.

Harley does as he's told, squeezing the bear in his hands, and immediately bursts into tears again when the soft voice of his mother comes through the speaker, full of an unspeakable, unbreakable love that only a mother could give, "I love you, sugarbear. I always will."

Peter panics, thinking the worst, starting to speak up with an "I'm- I'm sorry-" before he gets cut off by the boy rushing into his arms, hugging him tightly with a loud sob and a "thank you, thank you so much, I love you so- so much". Peter feels relief roll over him in waves, he didnt mess it up thank god, and hugs him back tightly, pressing another kiss to his boyfriend wet cheek and mumbling into his ear, soft and full of adoration, "I love you too. More than you'll ever know."

Things may not be truly okay, truly alright with Harley right now. They might not be for a long, long time, but that's fine. Because Peter will be here, by Harley's side, holding him close, kissing away his sorrow, for as long as he can. As long as Harley allows it, Peter will be by his side, no matter what.

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