#am i doing this bollywood thing right

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Dancing On Your Heartstrings

Chapter 10 (chapter 1-9 here)

A minor correction about the prev chapters

Raghav pov

An array of emotions flashed through Ranveer's eyes, too quick for Raghav to read. He gulped. The significance of the moment, the unspoken knowledge that this right now will determine both their fates, hung heavy in the air. Still he couldn't help but look at his Adam's apple, its motion and how it sent a subtle ripple of activity throughout his throat muscles. Rein it in, Raghav, he told himself, this is NOT the time. 

Raghav could see he was conflicted. He couldn't blame him. If he was in Ranveer's position, he would also contemplate if he was worthy of divulging his emotional baggage and secrets. 

Whatever they were, it seemed Ranveer had decided he was not worth knowing those. 

Ranveer took a step back, "it's none of your business. Please mere case se utar jaa." He took another step back, "Me ab kabhi dance nahi kar sakta, and there's nothing you can do about it."

He pivoted and started to go back, but Raghav took his hand and stopped him there. He didn't turn back, just letting him hold his hand. Raghav wanted to see his face, but it seemed his back had to do. 

"Mujhe koi idea nahi hai teri life me kya ho raha hai, nor will I pretend that I do, but it seems you're letting it win, whatever it is that has pushed you into this." Raghav saw his back go rigid, his shoulder tense, and he knew he struck a chord. So he continued, "Some dance to release their tension, others dance to relieve their souls and escape their lives. But I've seen you, Ranveer, I see you," Ranveer's hand on his tightened, his grip on him giving him strength to continue, "and I know dancing sustains you. It feeds your soul. It gives you life. You come alive onstage and it's something people cannot tear their gazes off. You are magic to behold, Ranveer Kashyap. It would be a bit selfish of you to deprive the world of that beauty that only you can create, won't it?"

By the end of it, Raghav's voice was hoarse and he was surprised he wasn't on his knees begging him to stay. It certainly felt like it, like he just bared himself open and put himself on platter for Ranveer, his to stitch or ravage further. 

After an eternity of silence, Ranveer faced him. What he saw on his face made his knees buckle in relief, made him release the breath he didn't know he was holding. Ranveer's eyes were wide, lined with silver. There was devastation written plain on his face, as if he was the victim of a Shakespearean tragedy. 

He cleared his throat, cleared twice, "That's a lot of pretty words."

Raghav pulled his lips into a resemblance of smirk, even though on the inside he was damn near weeping, "What else did you expect to come out of this pretty mouth?"

Ranveer's eyes zeroed on the said mouth, and it made Raghav's heart stop. He couldn't move a muscle, couldn't do anything but watch him look at his lips. What is happening here? He wondered faintly. What in God's name is happening here? 

His already dark eyes seemed darker, and the intense look of his eyes focused on his lips made Raghav bite them, feeling the look as if a burning finger stroked him there. 

The movement jarring him out of his thoughts, Ranveer's eyes snapped to his, an odd look of determination and something else in them. Raghav jumped when he felt Ranveer's hand squeeze his. He'd forgotten they were still holding hands. 

Ranveer pov 

Pull yourself together, Ranveer scolded himself. Dear Lord, what was he doing, shamelessly staring at Raghav's lips like that? He felt goosebumps rising on his arm. 

Raghav had gone through all that to get him back to dancing. And Ranveer repaid that by being a creep who didn't know where to put his eyes on. Sure, Raghav's lips were unlike any other he'd ever seen. They were the softest hue of pink, plush as the petals of a carnation. And then he was pulling the bottom lip between his teeth and oh lord. 

Ranveer looked at him, determined to not let his eyes lose their way this time. What was he doing? Feeling ashamed of his own actions, he asked the first thing that came to his mind, "Where's the music?"

Raghav smiled, and the sparkle of joy in his eyes was almost enough to keep Ranveer's gaze from flickering back to his lips. Almost. 

What brought him back to his senses was when the smile was replaced with a scowl. Whatever mysterious potion had been swirling in the air around them, it was gone now. He could sense the tension trickle back in. 

"What do you mean where's the music? First you'll tell me why you ever even thought of quitting dancing."

The question he had dreaded the most was back, but he knew he couldn't avoid it any longer. "Raghav, I…"

"I'm listening," he replied.

"Listen. I know maine tujhe ignore kiya, I'm sorry. Maine bohot stupid decisions bhi liye recently, I'm sorry for that too." Ranveer mentally winced. This was just turning into him apologising for what a spectacular ass he had been, and he hadn't even realised until now. "I'll tell you everything, pakka. Just… abhi nahi."

Raghav weighed the options. Even through his fifteen layers of judgement, Ranveer saw where the favour was falling. "Okay," he said, and relief flooded through Ranveer. "But just know, I'll be haunting you for every waking moment until you tell me."

That was… okay. That was alright. Ranveer had survived worse. "So… Where's the music?"

The smile was back on his face, that unguarded joy back on those damned lips of his. "Right here."

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 3

Here’s the latest assembly of asks, assorted by topics so you can browse only what interests you. Also, some questions refer to the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure game I made, so to avoid spoilers for those of you who haven't played it, I put those asks all the way at the bottom. If you haven't played my game yet, please go play it!

PERSONAL ASKS

Anon asked: E-vay may i ask which tablet mark do you use for your drawings?

And dreamylumi-art asked: Was wondering what is your favorite brushes In Procreate? Your drawings look so fun and bouncy that I’m interested in your process!

A: I use an iPad and I do all my drawings in Procreate now. I like to experiment with brushes, but the primary brushes I use come standard with Procreate. I use the "Procreate Pencil" for my sketches and the "Technical Pen" for linework :)

Anon asked: How are u and ur family doing? ❤️

A: You are so very sweet for asking ❤️ We're all doing really good right now. My dad's surgery went great and he's cancer free and fully healed. My mom is on medication that's helped her a lot. Things are also looking up for my younger sister (she even got engaged this Christmas!). I'm stressed but for good reasons hahaha I'm very thankful and counting my blessings right now.

twistedchaos101 asked: Hey, what’s your MBTI?

A: I just retook the test and I got "INFJ-T Advocate" for myself :)

karura-senpai asked: Have u ever heard of these new bollywood movies like Animal and Dunki which are popular rn around the world because of instagram reels and tiktok videos...

A: I can't say that I have, I'm sorry! My Tiktok FYP is very niche so I don't see many things about movies on there.

edwinflores428 asked: E-vay, since you're also a Beatles enjoyer, did you hear the new Beatles song 'Now and Then'?

A: I had not known about this before you told me! I just listened to it and I really loved it. It has that beautiful, 60's-Beatles feel to me. Thank you so much for point it out to me!

Anon asked: What's your creative process when going into writing / planning for a comic? Apologies if this has been asked before.

A: I normally start by just jotting down any super rough concepts/quotes in my notes app. If the piece I'm doing involves stuff I don't know by heart (renaissance clothing or certain landscapes or anything like that) I'll work on gathering a TON of resource images. That way I'm not interrupting my drawing process by repeatedly stopping to look up references. I try to do it all up front and have it saved somewhere I can easily access.

Once I have more time, I'll write out the script in a Google Doc. I break up the script by each panel. I won't always have all the elements ready in my head, and sometimes I'll combine panels or separate them more, but I can always adjust:

Once I have a basic script, I can start to rough out the drawings/panels. These are just gestural drawings; I'm not looking to do anything too detailed here. I'm trying to figure out what best captures the emotions/energy of the scene and determine the natural flow of where your eyes will want to read the art and word bubbles:

Then I move on to the "pencils." This is my opportunity to nail down the expressions and flow. Sometimes I'll realize the page is imbalanced so I will redesign the panels so it has more even weight distribution or make it more dynamic/emotional. I always draw the characters in different colors so it can help me make sure I know what lines belong to which character:

Then it's on to all the fun stuff: Lines, coloring, shading and adding text!

I hope this answered your question! It's pretty straight forward :)

Anon asked: have you ever watched the anime fairy tail? if no i think sonamy fits the main couple NaLu (natsu x lucy) really well, like as if they’re similar 🫶🏻

A: I'm sorry, I've never seen it! I don't watch much anime anymore.

Anon asked: Can you make different characters(aka people sonic characters/oc) in your own style

A: When I'm open for commissions, yes! I am not open for commissions at the moment but I plan on doing that this year.

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MISC SONIC ASKS

chrismantike asked: What’re your thoughts on longclaw (the owl from the sonic movie) does she exist in your AU as Sonic’s mom?

A: I liked the relationship we saw between Longclaw and baby Sonic in the movie, but I consider the movie as something entirely separate from the game/comic canon. I don't include any of the movie elements as part of my AU.

essycogany asked: What do you like most about Prime!Sonic?

A: Hmm, I think my favorite thing about him is how open he is with his emotions. In this show, he's very verbal about how much he cares about his friends and he doesn't hide it when he's sad or upset about something. In other media, Sonic has a habit of masking his emotions. I get that that's part of his personality, but it's nice to see this different side of him. (I also like how he showed more emotions in Frontiers, too!)

juli071023 asked: e-vay, what motivates you a lot about Sonic these years, why do you love it a lot, what motivates you about that character?

A: In the words of Young Neil, 'that's kind of a big question' haha. Simply put, the franchise just fuels me with excitement and joy and love! The character Sonic represents happiness and freedom and living in the moment and loving life to the fullest and I think that's such a great outlook to have. From a meta standpoint, I love how good the Sonic Team is to us fans. They engage with us regularly and put out SO MUCH CONTENT for us, more than any other franchise I'm aware of! I mean there are plenty of other great IPs out there, but you don't get the bombardment of games and shows and comics and social media engagement (etc) that you get with Sonic. I just think that's so cool! The fans love Sonic so much and the creators know that and reward us for our commitment. It's awesome.

Anon asked: So who do you think would win in a fight between Mario and Sonic

A: I gotta go with my boy Sonic! But of course it's better when they team up :D

Anon asked: How do you feel about the Dadow theory/au? As in Shadow being Silvers Dad. I honestly like it a lot.

A: If they're related, I think it makes more sense for Shadow to be Silver's grandpa or great grandparent. I think there are plot holes to say that he's directly his dad but I'm definitely open to them being related. Plus I think people can headcanon/au just about whatever they want, so I'm not against that theory :)

Anon asked: Hi e-vay, I hope you’re having a great day!! My question is: if there were to be a Sonic movie that’s only about Sonic and the guys but they were all being played by human actors, which actors do you think would suit them best?

A: Thank you so much, I hope you are too! Oh man this was so difficult but I put a ton of thought into it. And I'm sure there are still tons of actors I'm not thinking of who would be better, but here's what my gut tells me: Older Sonic: Max Greenfield [x] [x] or Jack Quaid [x] [x]. They're so witty and handsome and are built like runners! Younger Sonic: Jack Dylan Grazer Older Amy: Alison Brie. Even if it wasn't a live action movie, I so desperately wish that Alison Brie could be Amy's voice actor. I'm actually working on an animation where Amy is paired with some Alison Brie lines because I think it's such a perfect fit. She's sweet and funny and strong and sexy. She's on the petite side but she has that confidence that just commands a room. Ugh, Amy and Alison are my dream women 💖 Younger Amy: McKenna Grace Older Tails: Justice Smith or Cole Sprouse Younger Tails: Noah Jupe or Jacob Tremblay. Sorry, I don't know many young actors but I think they're both great! Older Knuckles: Terry Crews or Jason Momoa Younger Knuckles: Tyler James Williams [x] [x] Shadow: Jensen Ackles or Michael B Jordan 💖Swoon💖 Older Rouge: Ana de Armas or Charlize Theron Younger Rouge: Jenna Ortega or Sophie Turner

Anon asked: How old are the sonic boom characters in your opinion?

A: Firstly, I've said this before but I don't think Mobian age works the same as human age. I consider the Sonic Boom characters as all being what we'd consider as late teens or young adults. They all act like me and my friends did when were were college age haha

Anon asked: What do u think tails looked/acted during puberty🙂

A: That's what Tall!Tails is all about! I think he shot up in height and outgrew Sonic immediately. Maybe he got a bit more snarky and might mutter about how annoying it is that Sonic doesn't think things through before acting, but Tails is a sweetheart and I think he'd overall still be nice even while he's in that awkward stage of life.

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MY OCs/AU ASKS

@redbirduniverse13 asked: Hi i love your art 💖 My question is, are your characters aware that other versions of them exist?

A: Thank you so much! No, they aren't aware of any other versions of them out there. Ruff would probably be most hopeful to meet other versions of himself since he's into comic books and would love the concept of the multiverse.

twistedchaos101 asked: What's your ocs MBTI?

A: I have too many OCs to do all of them lol But I'll do it for Aurora and CC. As Aurora, the results from the test were: "ENFP-T Campaigner" As CC, the results from the test were: "INTJ-A Architect"

Anon asked: Question, how is Aurora able to glow ?

A: Aurora has photokinesis, which gives her the ability to manipulate light. This results in a lot of things she's able to do that involve light, but glowing is the easiest thing for her to do (and is the hardest for her to suppress lol). She was born with these abilities but they didn't manifest until she was about preteen age.

charlieangel345 asked: You know everytime I saw Aurora glow up, her photokinesis power changes color. It made me wonder if she feel happy, angry, or sad, her light power might change colors. I can imagine she can create rainbow light.

A: Absolutely! Her powers are severely influenced by her emotions, so the color of her glow would definitely change based on her feelings. I have her inhibitors glow green naturally, but she could do any color under the light spectrum.

freshcreationgarden asked: I like to think Aurora's favorite fairytale growing up was beauty and the beast. Something about a handsome prince who hides beneath a rough exterior who believes they are not worthy of love who is bound to a "Rose"

A: Oh that is just too sweet! That metaphor is very perfect for what I write for her romantic future ;) I have said in a previous ask that Thumbelina is her favorite fairytale, but I like your headcanon too!

Anon asked: Hi, something randomly popped in my head about like the comics of aurora and I wondered, has aurora ever gotten sick?

A: Of course! She's just a regularly lady so she gets sick like average people do. I see her as the type that doesn't get sick often, but when she does it LAAAASTS. (That's how I am and it sucks!)

Anon asked: I know this might be a weird question, but can it be possible if Aurora can do chaos control with a chaos emerald like Sonic and Shadow.

A: I'll be honest, because we don't know much about Chaos Emeralds, I don't know who is capable of using them or not. But because Sonic is capable of using Chaos Control, I'm going to say yes Aurora should be able to as well. I don't think it's a technique either of them can master like Shadow does. Chaos Control seems second nature to Shadow.

Anon asked: if we go by sonic underground lore imagine Aurora finding out that she's technically a princess/duchess. Like sonic always call her princess because that's what dad's typically call their daughters, but then she finds out and her mind just explodes.

A: Honestly, I'm not a Sonic Underground fan. I know a lot of people love it for the nostalgia, but I didn't watch it growing up so I don't have any ties to it and I am not a fan of the story. I'm okay if people want to headcanon tying it in, but it's not for me.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don't like Shadora*

Anon said: Hi, so glad you’re back! Just reread Boom!Baby where Rouge mentions how hedgehogs have a lot of babies and I think it’s kinda funny in the future Shadow and Aurora have eight

A: Thank you so much, I'm so happy to be back! Yeah, Rouge really knew what she was talking about 😆 I bet she told Shadow the same thing when they were expecting!

Anon asked: Does aroura ever run into her ex again?

A: Aurora spends most of her life in a small bubble, rarely leaving her home town, so she would have run into him now and then. Again though, they were kids when they were "boyfriend/girlfriend" and you can hardly even call them that (Imagine like in the Barbie movie, how Ken and Barbie don't know what it means to be Girlfriend-Boyfriend) so it's not awkward running into each other. It's more of a "Hey there's that person I used to know"

prophecyhyper asked: When Aurora was born and Amy said "She's more perfect than I imagined" What did she imagine of Aurora looking like?

A: She didn't have an exact image in mind when she said that. It was more like an amorphous concept. You know somehow the baby will look like you and your partner, but there are so many different outcomes. So she would have daydreamed about all the possibilities: the baby looking more like Sonic, the baby looking more like her, maybe the baby having elements of their grandparents.

Anon asked: Will Sage exist in your AU?

A: Yes! I adore Sage!

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don't like Shadora*

Anon asked: Hey Evay, I’ve been thinking about this lately. It’s kind of silly question. If there is a naughty and nice list, which of Shadora Kids is naughty or nice.

A: This was a great question and I'm so sorry I missed it before the holidays! This is all in fun, none of them got punished: Piper: Nice but ONLY after Santa had to give her a lecture on how she needs to not be a smartass and boss around her siblings Zane: Naughty (He did too many stunts indoors!) Nova: Nice Aster: Naughty (He and Blitz plotted to kidnap Santa) Blitz: Naughty (She finds it a point of pride) Diamond: Nice Cinder: Nice (He's scared of Santa) Boon: NICE! (He doesn't know the meaning of the word naughty!)

Anon asked: haven’t seen CC in a while, could we have more CC please

A: There will be more CC, I promise! :)

kbluetoons asked: Say, after reading your spindash lesson comic (which was really cute by the way), what if Aurora showed her kids how to spindash like how Sonic showed her?

A: Aw I'm so happy you liked it! Yes, learning to spin dash is vital to a hedgehog's upbringing ;) She'd teach them very young but then immediately regret it because they'd be spindashing all over the house. Now she knows why Sonic was so hesitant to teach her when she was little!

mod-bubamon asked: I know spooky season is over but how do cc and tails handle horror movies? Does cc Criticize every litter thing the protagonist do? Does tails even get scared after all he's been through? IF CC GETS SCARED DOES SHE HUGS TAILS TAILS FOR COMFORT??? THIS IS IMPORTANT

A: Hahaha I loved this question! First of all, Spooky Season is never over for me! ↜(ˈ╰ •ω•)╯ψ So bring on all your Halloweeny ideas! CC would not be fun to watch horror movies with. She would be overly analytical, not only of the actions that the victims are doing but how unrealistic the injuries/gore/battles are haha. I see Tails as someone who originally was afraid of scary movies, but watching them with CC has actually helped him to be less afraid of them. Now he spots the same flaws she does and they like to roast them together! Just to clarify -- CC does get scared of things, just not horror movies.

Anon asked: Hey, I rediscovered your art recently and almost forgot how much I loved it! I love CC and was wondering if you had any small head cannon kinda things you have for her and Tails you would share that you haven't already?

A: Well welcome back and thank you so very much! This question was not related to the previous question, but the previous question sparked an idea for me so I'm going to expand on it here. When Tails and CC first started watching horror movies together, CC noticed that Tails was super on edge. To help relax him, she'd take his tails into her lap and pet them to calm him down. He's not as scared of movies anymore, but he always has her stroke his tails while they watch shows together now :) Also, CC is still getting used to Mobian mannerisms and nuances. They've made a nightly routine where during dinner, she debriefs Tails on all the new conversations and interactions she's had with people and Tails scores her on how well she's adjusting. She likes the challenge and strives for a better "score" every day!

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SHIPPING ASKS

essycogany asked: How are you feeling about the new Sonamy material from this and last year? Things are really starting to become more obvious as the years go on.

A: It does my shriveled little heart so much good! I don't know that they'll ever cross that line in canon, but I love how much their relationship has evolved compared to years ago. It means the world to me that Sonic considers Amy as one of his best friends and as someone he can depend on (and is even willing to think about dating ((in reference to that cut dialog line from Frontiers)). And I love that Amy has proven that her feelings for Sonic are more than just a fan-crush; she genuinely loves him for who he is and will always be there for him. UGH IT MAKES ME FEEL SO ALIVE!

Anon asked: I just wanted to say that I love love love your sonamy works! :D Absolutely adorable (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Also, only if you want to answer ofc, what are your thoughts on the ship Metamy (Metal Sonic and Amy)? Thank you for the lovely food you bring and have a wonderful day!

A: Oh gosh, thank you so much! You just made my day wonderful by this sweet message! I do ship Metamy! After all, I believe in my heart of hearts that Sonic has feelings for Amy and Metal Sonic is supposed to be the same as him... ^_~ I think despite his transgressions, Amy has a special place in her heart for Metal. He's one of the reasons she even met Sonic in the first place! But what I'd prefer most is for Metal Sonic to have a Metal Amy. That way everybody wins 💕

Anon asked: Hi e-vay I love ur dr who art!! Question, do tenrose remind you of sonamy? Or do any characters or couples from the whoverse remind you of any sonic character or couples?

A: Ahhh thank you so much! I always thought my Doctor Who art got lost in the void so I'm so glad you found it! TenRose is my favorite DoctorWho ship, so I think by law I have to relate them to sonamy haha. But honestly I think RoryXAmyPond suits sonamy more if you reverse the roles. Rory's absolute dedication to AmyPond--regardless of death--was the definition of love, and that's how I feel Amy Rose is for Sonic. I can't think of any other ships that are good parallels. River Song reminds me of Rouge just that she's savvy and flirty. Forgive me, I stopped watching after Eleven regenerated so I'm not up to date on anything. If you don't like the Shadora ship then don't click this link, but I have drawn Aurora and Shadow as Ten and Rose before :)

Anon asked: Werehog Sonic and Werehog Amy kiss meme or a mini comic about both kissing in their werehog forms?

A: I kind of already drew that :) It's the 10th drawing in this post.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don't like Shadora*

penguin-evere asked: hello! this is my first time doing something like this. i've loved your art for a while now (probably since 2017-2018), and i love the new style you have! anyways, i wanted to ask if you've seen the frontiers twitter takeover, and the newfound information about shadow's secret like of some good ol' t. swizzle music, and was curious if aurora would be a fan too, and if they would go to a concert together! i think it'd be really cute.

A: Thank you so much! And I'm so relieved you still like my stuff even after all this time :) Aurora loves pop music and so yeah I could see her being a Taylor fan for sure. Although I don't take Swifty!Shadow as canon (lol) it is still fun to think they could bond over that music together!

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don't like Shadora*

Anon asked: what was the shadora confession like? Cause I like to imagine that it was shadow who confessed and that he did it in the most dramatic way possible, cause he's our drama king.

A: I don't want to reveal too much until I've properly drawn it, but yes for my stories Shadow would confess his love first. He's technically loved her longer since he met her when she traveled back in time to save him so once they've "re-met" I don't think he'd be willing to hide his feelings too long. It's Shadow so of course it has to be so romantic and dreamy~!

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ASKS RE: MY GAME

Anon asked: How did you make the Trick Or Sweet Halloween Game, can you show me what you used or did to make it? If you can do a step by step that would be helpful or just tell me how you did it that would be helpful:))

A: Oh man... Honestly, it was way too complicated of a project to explain in just one answer. And I won't be able to explain any of the technical/coding side. I watched so many tutorials but I just couldn't grasp it, so my husband had to code it for me and I have no idea how he managed it. From a non-technical standpoint, I had to first write out the script for it. That means writing out all the dialog and also writing out every option possible. Even though my game was fairly linear, this was still complicated to write. What helped me was using icons and colors to help me know which actions would lead to which outcomes:

Then came the longest part, the drawing! I had to draw a variety of sprites and backgrounds and objects. Also, some of the actions you take make certain items go away, so I had to remember to hide them depending on the path you took. Once I had all the elements, I assembled them in a Slides presentation to test it out. If you're not doing anything too complicated, you could probably get away with making your game entirely in Google Slides. Mine was too complicated and I wouldn't be able to publish it to my website but it was good for testing. When it was ready for build, I had to make a comprehensive guide for Ryan showing what clicks lead to where, what sound effects should be played when, when the music tracks should switch, etc:

He programmed it in Adobe Animate. I don't know how he did it, other than he's just a brilliant babe and I thank god for him lol

Anon asked: Just at a curiosity though, whatever happened to everyone (especially Sonic & Amy) AFTER your truth serum wore off from your ‘Trick or Sweet Adventure’? Also how about Shadow & Rouge? Did they get affected as well?

A: They lived happily ever after, of course! If the two just told each other how they felt then they'd be happy (in my opinion) so they just needed a little magical kick in the butt haha. I didn't have any plans for Shadow or Rouge, but if I could cast a spell to make them happy then I would give Rouge a throne of diamonds and Shadow the chance to ease the pain in his heart (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

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Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

Evay QA Bulk Post 2

[demigod-of-the-agni]

Spider-Man India, but... where from India?

A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.

I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.

If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.

So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.

The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:

THE RESULTS

South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?

Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.

Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"

Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South

Context: I want to make art of the boy again

At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.

Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.

But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:

Where did Spider-Man India come from?

FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA

As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.

But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.

We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!

I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.

So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.

BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?

Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.

It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.

Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.

This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.

So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.

BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL

I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.

I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.

I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it. 

You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.

AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA

He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!

“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?

“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?

I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.

Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:

Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?

... but why shouldn't i?

I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.

It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.

SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK

“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”

Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?

Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.

But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.

There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).

And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.

Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.

What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.

Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:

It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first three are written in Hindi. The fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Tamil there, much less any other South Indian language. Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?

Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!

I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.

It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.

It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!

Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!

And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer. 

So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.

We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.

THE POLL: REINTERPRETED

This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.

Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this. 

So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”

(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)

[octuscle]

Could I take DEL 2 suitcase?

Actually, you don't know what you would have expected…. What do you associate with India? Spices? Colorful robes? The gold treasure of a maharajah? You certainly didn't expect a suitcase that heavy. And full of strange boxes and ampoules. All labeled in a language you don't understand at all. What on earth are these letters?

Disappointed, you put the suitcase in the corner. No treasure of gold. So you have to try honest work again. But first you should finish your MBA. Otherwise your parents will cut you off.

While zapping through the TV program, you get stuck on a Bollywood tearjerker in the evening. Hey, you recognize those letters. They are also on the contents of your suitcase. And in fact, after a while, you find the tearjerker not so bad. Some of the actors look really hot.

You fell asleep in front of the TV. When you wake up in the middle of the night, the news from Delhi is on. The morning is already over there. It's getting close to noon. Drowsy, you listen to see if anything is going on. But only the usual reports of government crises and floods. What is wrong with this country. You fall into your bed and fall asleep immediately.

Your alarm clock rings at 06:00. You have to work a bit before going to university. You work in the first level support of a software manufacturer. Annoying customer inquiries. But well paid. And if you're lucky, you'll be hired after graduation. Although, as a Data Scientist you will always find a job. As long as you have your bachelor's degree.

On campus, you'll be drawn outside during your lunch break. The others avoid the heat. But 32 degrees Celsius is not heat for you. You're used to something else. You do a few pull-ups on the horizontal bar. It's time for a proper workout. Tonight you really have to go to the gym.

When you finally get home, you remember the suitcase. Some of the things are not quite legal here. But if you want to reach your goals, you need support. You pick out a protein shake. And take one of the L-carnitine ampoules. Why didn't you clear out the suitcase yesterday? You sort everything neatly into the cupboard and prepare your nutritional supplements for the next day. And you go to bed.

You get up at 3:00 am. Damn the time difference. But as the head of your startup, you have to attend one or the other online meeting in Noida. You hide your long hair, which you are so proud of, under a cap. When the call is over, you go to the gym for an hour. And after that, your hair is washed and groomed. But right after sleeping you can't show it to the public.

Good workout! Now you can show the losers in the lecture hall that they know nothing about data science. They may make fun of your Indian accent. But you are the youngest lecturer the faculty has had. And the only one who teaches in a tank top.

[sugarwithtea]

kissing under the mistletoe | jjk

pairing : coworker!jungkook x reader

rating/genre : pg-15 // fluff, angst, frenemies to lovers, coworker au

summary : 'tis the season to be jolly, but one certain doe-eyed person is hell bent on not letting you have anything jolly. wait till you find out how you are the only one he wants. alternatively : jungkook, your ass coworker (with a great ass)likes to annoy you so you can give him some of your time.

word count : 13.9k

warnings : swearing, like 2 pov switches? but reader is always in second person so yes, one flashback scene, mentions of the passing of a grandparent, beginnings of a panic attack, nyctophobia, kissing. not too christmasy tbh, cuz i know nothing about how christmas parties work! also yoongi plays two roles -- the asshole and the wingman, so everyone say thankyou yoongi!!

note 1 : this gift was created through @bangtansecretsanta and is for @apotatomashedbybts !! surprise, i am your secret santa! you already know it from the preview i posted but still haha! i hope u like this small lil thing i came up with!

note 2 : a big thanks to @oddinary4bts for beta-ing this! thanks for saving my ass ella!! i am sorry for putting you through the struggle of editting my word vomit haha! thankyou sm!! also, merry christmas! i am a whole decade late yes! -- also, please reblog if you read/like this!

read on ao3

what was i listening to? (a bollywood playlist)

moodboard | masterlist | taglist

You could kiss the person who made coffee for the first time on their mouth – dead or alive.

Walking out in the morning sun is a hellish task you have to do every morning, especially when it only leads you to entering your work building with a scowl and squinted eyes.

The only sight which makes your mornings pleasant is the lounged form of a certain Min Yoongi, right in front of your desk, eyes lazily raking over his surroundings – as if he'd be out the first chance he gets.

To be honest, you would too.

Especially when a guy who has sworn his job is to make your life hell strides in front of you, blocking your magnificent view of the one and only Min Yoongi, and smiles brightly at you – as if he is the only light source in the room.

"Hey." Jungkook perks up and you scowl at him. A way of you greeting him. Which he knows too well because the next second he rolls his eyes and turns back, leaning against your desk, now also staring at Min Yoongi.

"What do you want, Jeon?"

"What do you think he is thinking about?" his eyes squint more as he observes Yoongi more attentively.

"How there are people who have nothing better to do except think about other people's thoughts?" You should praise yourself for speaking a whole sentence before completing your cup of coffee.

"Cute. But that's my job." He whips his head back and looks down at you with a lazy grin, an eyebrow cocked and piercings glinting in the light.

Oh how you'd like to kiss that grin off his face.

Wait, no.

You shake your head.

"You are a graphic designer."

He tsks, "That's part time."

You roll your eyes and get back to setting up your desk for the day. If you knew Jungkook (which you do by now), he isn't going to move from here unless he is satisfied that your day had a hellish start. Well, jokes on him, cause your morning was hell even before you met him.

"What do you even find that interesting in him?"

Sigh. He is still staring at Min Yoongi.

"He is a treat for my sore eyes."

He perks up at your answer and turns fully towards you, leaning over your desk so his face is closer to yours, with an excited grin and a gleam in his eyes. A gleam which tells you his next question even before he opens his mouth-

"And me?"

"You are the cause of my sore eyes", you say with a sickly sweet smile that makes his smile drop.

The next time you run into Jungkook, it's during lunch break.

"Did you hear about the party?" your coworker Mina asks you as you both settle down on a table in the far corner of the cafeteria.

"What party?"

"The Christmas party, Y/N. I heard this time they are gonna hang more mistletoes than necessary", she snickers and you groan as you take a big bite of your sandwich.

"I don- weawy wanna see em soggin", you say through a full mouth and furrow your eyebrows as the chair beside you scrapes on the tile.

"Where are your manners, you little girl?" Jungkook teases as he settles down beside you.

You gulp your bite as quickly as you can.

"And where is your decency, you idiot?"

"I need to be decent to talk to you?" he asks as he shoves a spoonful of fried rice in his mouth, not looking at you.

"That too. And also, you need to ask me before you sit down at my table."

"Mina said yes." You look at her to see her smiling at both of you, like your mother would if you told her you were going to finally marry someone good.

Fucking traitor.

You play around with your food as Mina and Jungkook converse rather dramatically, with his hand repeatedly coming in front of your face as you hit it away. It's not that you hate him – you just cannot stand him.

The first day you walked into the office, he was there to greet you with a bunny smile and a cutting jawline. God, the contrast in his looks. He was donning a simple button down and slacks, rather decent for work. But what was not decent, was the way his thighs filled the slacks and made it look like he was sculpted by a god. You had to clamp your mouth shut to stop yourself from spewing indecencies when you roved your eyes over his figure.

His eyes were crinkling around the edges as he smiled at you and welcomed you with a warm, airy voice. You were, of course, glad to have been shown to your desk and around the office space by him. And your smile was giddy like a teenager's when he asked you to join him for lunch break at the end of the week.

But after that week started an endless saga of constant bickering and pulling each other's legs. Your little crush on him was soon forgotten by you as your daily smile was replaced by an etching scowl.

It was quick for you to find out how competitive he is, and how strongly he stands his ground – how fucking opinionated he is about matters concerning the office. Almost all your meetings end with him looking at you with a twinkle in his eyes at having convinced your boss to do his bidding.

Never has he once said anything malicious to you, but you are fed up with him having his way. So much so that when last month he didn't oppose your ideas in the conference room, you walked up to him and asked if he was drunk or feeling sick. He had just rolled his eyes and went about with his day, but after that you had warmed up to him a little bit.

Still, he never fails to show you how annoying he can be – just like he is being right now.

"What? Are you thinking about going with me?" his voice breaks you out of your reverie.

"Hmm. With Min." Oh how you love to see the way his smile turns sour. It doesn't fall though.

"I heard he is single this year." Mina hums out.

That's when his smile threatens to fall, but Jeon Jungkook has mastered the game of schooling his expressions into neutrality.

"Interesting", he says and turns away from you.

Your eyes twinkle with mischief as Mina recounts the tale of Min Yoongi's infamous breakup – how his latest partner walked into the office on a damned Friday and gently, but dramatically broke up with him. Yoongi had seemed unaffected because of course that's him and almost everyone who knows him knew that he was not looking for anything serious.

Still, he had felt a little embarrassed. So much for not getting people's attention. But the way his eyes had swept across the room after she had left made everyone cower back to their work, as they held a clear message – 'I dare you to talk about this anytime soon.'

No one had been stupid enough to go against him, not even Jungkook, who had been away that fateful day, nearly a month ago. So now, Mina is filling him up on the details in hushed whispers.

"Lord!" he exclaims once she ends her retelling of the legend – at least the latest gossip for your department.

"You think you'll be able to woo him? Miss 'treat for my eyes'?"

"Sore eyes", you correct him and he grimaces as you continue, "And watch me, Jeon. Don't cry when he asks me out to be his date for the party."

Min Yoongi didn't ask you out for the party.

You had to beg him to be his date.

One can say that you and him are on friendly terms. The 'I am your friend only if you buy me coffee for a week' kind of friendly. He agreed to be your date at the party after you bribed him, of course. But not before he analyzed and heard each and every angle of your reason.

Now the thing is, Min Yoongi can be an asshole if he wants.

And when he heard that your main motive is to spite a man who has been annoying you, he agreed without hesitation. He loves to rile people up, especially men who fall in the same spectrum as his – assholes.

He doesn't personally know Jungkook, but he heard your version of the story. And his reply was,"I sympathize with the man," as you flicked his forehead and swiped his coffee away from him. But one thing he knows,: for you, Jeon Jungkook is an asshole. And oh how he'd love to see drama and some shit go down at the ever so boring Christmas party. So, he agreed.

"He- What?" Mina gasps as you peel open a banana in the break room.

"Yup." Her eyes can't be bigger than this.

"He asked you out?"

"Uh huh."

"Ha. I don't fucking believe you." She points her unpeeled banana towards you and scoffs.

You roll your eyes,"Ask him then."

Telling her that is a mistake because as soon as you both walk out of the break room after finishing your snack, her eyes fall on Yoongi lounging at his desk (8 meters away) and she calls out his name – gathering the attention of every living being in the room, even Jungkook.

Oh how you want to yeet yourself out of the first window you see. Maybe the 12 floor fall will be more bearable than the embarrassment this lady is going to cause you.

"You are going to the Christmas party with…" she trails off.

Yoongi's eyes flicker to hers lazily, as if she is asking him if he works here or not. And maybe, talking is a big task for him because he just nods his head in your direction. Basically informing everyone and their mother that he is going with you, and then he turns back to his computer – without saying your name.

You wouldn't be surprised if he might have forgotten it.

As soon as everyone registers his gesture, audible gasps sound throughout the room, and you turn in time to see Jungkook standing at his desk with his eyes as wide as saucers and jaw almost touching the ground.

You give him a triumphant smirk and turn around to go to your desk.

And totally miss the way he crumples the small pink note in his hand and throws it in the trash.

The coffee shop where you usually get your morning coffee is closed today. The office coffee machine is broken today.

And you are a second away from unleashing your rage on everyone.

As you return to your desk from the break room, you catch Jungkook lurking around your desk, nervously biting his lip and glancing towards the door. God, if he is again here to bother you as he does every morning, you are going to punch a bitch in the face. Because ain't no way you have the patience you always have.

"Jungkook", you sigh as you reach your desk.

"Before you say anything, I just want to say I am sorry", he interrupts you and stands straighter.

"For what?"

"Aaaaand have a good day", he ignores your question and immediately darts away, as if you are the plague and he has to avoid you.

And did he just wish you a good day? Weird.

What's more weird though is the cup of coffee sitting at your desk.

Beside your computer sits a steaming cup of coffee, with the letters 'JK' written on it. Did he forget his coffee at your desk? Is this another bitter – pun intended – reminder that you haven't yet had your coffee? Because you didn't need one.

You pick up the cup to head back to his desk when you see a small note previously hidden by the cup. It is a white slip of paper, torn haphazardly. You would have mistook it for some stray paper had you not seen the ink gracing the white.

'The coffee shop was closed and someone broke the machine. Have a good day - JK :-)

p.s. I am sorry if I messed up your coffee.'

Oh. Uh Oh.

He bought coffee for you? He went out of his way to bring a cup for you? He kept it in mind that your day was ought to be shitty if you didn't have a cup of coffee and he tried to resolve it? And this was what he was sorry for?

You can't even think straight at this moment. You take your seat and eye the cup of coffee as if it asked you for your first born. Your mortal enemy, the bane of your existence – well that would be too much – brought you coffee. Maybe this is not something to mull over for this long, but that's you. And if Jungkook's part time job is thinking about other people's thoughts, then yours is thinking about yours – overthinking.

The only good thing he has ever done for you is holding the door open a few times. And you nodded at him with a smile then, setting aside your differences for a mere moment.

Now how are you meant to be a bitch to him if he acts like this? Suddenly the sweet coworker.

You mindlessly take a sip and your mind calms down a little bit, but still racing. He hasn't messed up your coffee. It is the perfect cup of Americano with one sugar, no more, no less. Fuck. He knows this too? You don't know his coffee order. Great. Now you feel sad for not having that trivial piece of information.

On the other hand your heart gets a little soft for him. Even though in a way, it always was. Or else you wouldn't have tolerated a person this long. Somewhere along the way, you have grown fond of the bickering between the two of you, the words passed in pure frustration. You have grown fond of him. God, how embarrassing. But maybe you can live with it.

You need to thank him the first chance you get. And try to be civil with him.

"He has a girlfriend? Since when?"

"I don't know. I think she is more of a friend accompanying him to the party." Mina says and rolls her eyes as you walk beside her on your way back to your car.

The whole day has flown by in a breeze and this time, you didn't get the chance to cross paths with Jungkook. You wanted to thank him for what he did in the morning, but the one time you willingly want to see him, he is out of sight.

"How would you know that? Maybe she is his girlfriend. I mean he did leave in a haste today when a girl called him."

"She could be anyone," she argues and you shake your head with a laugh.

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Cause just a day ago he said-" she stops and unlocks her car, even though she didn't need to stop.

"He said what?"

Mina doesn't look at you while answering, shaking her head a little with a voice lower than before.

"That he is single, Y/N."

Huh. That doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend now. A lot can happen in a day, you know that – especially now. But you don't say that to her as she is already getting inside her car, bidding you goodbye and sending you off.

You don't pay any mind to her and get into your car, already heading home.

Your mind races faster than air as you grip the wheel tighter. You don't even know why you are so bothered that Jungkook might have a girlfriend. He has always had some kind of flings going on, but for him to bring someone to an office party? That's a first. If he is bringing someone then maybe they are important for him, maybe it's serious with them.

Your stomach drops as you realize that maybe he lied to Mina about his relationship status because he wanted to give everyone a surprise? After all, it's been a long time since Jeon Jungkook had a serious girlfriend.

You really hope that's not the case. And you don't know why you hope so? Why the fuck do you care if Jungkook has a partner or not? You want to smash your head against the steering wheel with the amount of thoughts that plague your mind.

'Is she even his real girlfriend? Or he just wants to flaunt the fact that he can get anyone he wants?'

Now why did you think that? And what's with you accepting the fact that he can get anyone he wants? Well, he can. But, why would you think that?

You feel like you're being double-sided given that you are going to the party with someone. But that's not to make him jealous. It's to annoy him, because he thinks Min Yoongi is out of your league. Then why do you think that Jungkook is doing this to come back at you? Insane of you to even speculate something so ridiculous.

You shake your head as you pull into the parking lot of your apartment.

You feel like you are obsessed with him – which you are not. You are just thinking about general things like why would he have a partner, possibly in a serious relationship – in the same way one thinks about things like today's weather, right? Yes absolutely.

Way to gaslight yourself.

Has anyone ever said that normally when you think about something a lot, you start seeing it everywhere? Or like, the first thing you see in the morning?

Because why, as you are entering the lobby of your office building on a fresh Monday after the coffee fiasco, are you seeing Jungkook beside the elevator? He normally comes in way earlier than this. What did you do to deserve meeting him first thing in the morning?

As you near him, you realize he looks a bit tired. His eyes are sullen, with dark bags underneath them, his shoulders drooping and hair frayed over his forehead, looking very unkempt.

Your footsteps catch his attention and he whips his head towards you, surprisingly managing a weak smile and you immediately return the gesture, not thinking for a second. You nod at him, wordlessly, and stand beside him, waiting for the elevator to come from God knows what floor.

Okay. This feels like a perfect time to thank him. He could work with an ego boost, as you are in no way going to ask him why he is down – not sending any snarky greetings, or stupid questions your way. Kind of weird for the both of you to stand there in complete silence.

"Jungkook", you call out and he slowly turns his head towards you, answering with a hum.

"Thank you for the coffee that day." He smiles at this and you internally chide yourself.

"Ah. Did I get the order correct?"

"Yes. Yes you did. I wanted to thank you the same day but you left quite early so … " you trail off as he almost drops his smile, trying hard to keep the curve of his lips intact and in his cheeks, rather than dropping them. You can very well see the struggle he has to go through to stay cool and composed.

"Yeah. It was an emergency."

Oh.

So it was not some girlfriend of his? Why did you think so? Oh my god. And, it was an emergency. Shit. You mentally slap yourself for even trying to play the whole thing off very lightly.

The lift arrives that very moment and you both step inside, him sulking again.

"If you don't mind me asking, is everything okay?"

He looks at you, trying to come up with an answer, finally settling to go with the truth.

"Not really, I mean. My grandmother passed away."

You take in a sharp breath and that's exactly when the door closes. Oh. My. God. Y/N you absolute fucking idiot. You could bang your head against the wall for your stupidity and absolutely wrong judgment.

"I am so sorry. I-" you pause and he looks at you," I won't say I understand, cause I don't. But I hope you are okay?" Stupid of you to end your assurance like this. Didn't he just now say that everything is not okay?

He looks at you, speechless but with a gracious smile. You should do some damage repair over here. Of course, as you said, you don't understand the pain of losing a grandparent because you have never even met yours, already passed away before your birth. But, you know it can be very painful. And given Jungkook's current state, your heart aches to stand there doing nothing while he struggles to not break down.

"Can, can I hug you?" you ask meekly and he suddenly whips his head towards you, so you rush to explain yourself, "I am not good with words but I … " you trail off and look down, biting the inside of your cheek nervously.

Nuh huh. Not a good idea. Even if he is in grave misery, why would he hug you? Who are you, his friend? Ha, as if. Maybe you should take the offer back and not embarrass yourself further. Yes, that could work.

You look up to tell him it's okay but what happens next makes you go completely stiff.

He hugs you.

His warmth envelopes you as he slowly wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you in – albeit hesitantly, but still. Your hands fall limp by your side as your head finds solace on his chest. Remembering that you were the one who proposed a hug, and completely ignoring the feeling arising in your stomach, you wrap your hands around his torso, patting his back.

As soon as you reciprocate his touch, he audibly sighs and places his cheek on your head, holding you tighter. It's as if his grief evaporates a bit, the warmth from you forming a case around him. You think you hear him smile, but then again, you cannot hear a smile.

You stop patting his back and hold him tight, snuggling into his chest unintentionally. He holds your head to his heart and you can hear it beat wildly fast – maybe yours is in the same state. But you're glad he can't hear yours.

'Don't let yourself slip, Y/N.' you think because this is uncharted territory. With his body pressed up against yours and his sadness seeping into you, you don't know how you feel anymore. Is this you melting for him? Yes, you won't lie to yourself anymore. It's high time now. Especially with the way he fits into you, so perfectly – like a jigsaw piece fitting into the tiniest crevices of a puzzle. It's ridiculous how you came to this.

A small thank you is mumbled into your hair and you think he sniffs your hair before you both part, slowly, longingly. He stares into your eyes with hints of tears lining his eyes and your heart breaks a little. But when he smiles with all his will and shine, you think maybe you can look at it every second of your life.

The elevator dings and the door opens as you hastily pull apart from him, patting your hair and wringing your fingers through the unkempt strands. You had forgotten that you were in an elevator. That's when you realize that you might have hugged for what, like a few seconds? But the moment felt like it was stretched for minutes and hours of comfort.

Both of you step out of the elevator and walk side by side, albeit at a distance, and silently to your desks. Why can't you calm the fuck down? It was just a hug. And he just happened to be a bit vulnerable. God. Not a good sign for your feelings.

You are still disheveled by the time you reach your desk. To your surprise, he stops there for a moment longer than you might have expected, and looks at you with a small, soft, knowing smile.

"Thank you." he says quietly.

You chuckle.

"You already said that."

"I know, but still. Thank you, for everything." He nods, smiles and disappears in a flash, not even waiting for your reply.

What does he mean by everything?

Wow. Now you have one more thing to overthink about.

The day is slowly bleeding into night, the moon already visible as you make your way to the cab, pulling your coat tight against your shivering body. The cold is terrible, and more so is your mood.

You aren't exactly looking forward to the Christmas party, now knowing that Jungkook is bringing someone. Also, your main motive to go with Min Yoongi was to rile Jungkook up. But now, you don't necessarily want to annoy him – especially after the small moment you had a few days ago in the elevator. You have had a lot of time to think since then, and you know what you feel. You aren't going to lie to yourself anymore. It isn't as if you are going with Yoongi for your personal desires. Well, not anymore.

Of course, you are a little bit attracted to Min Yoongi. But that is just to give your eyes some sort of relief during the stressful work hours. He is like an insignificant celebrity crush. And, you know he is a bigger asshole than you and Jungkook combined.

So now, you are miserably waiting for him below your office building, after your cab drops you off. Usually, he is always on time. But also, he doesn't usually go to parties with you. For all you know he must be stalling to make you wait for him – just because he can.

A moment later, a cab pulls up right beside you and out steps the man you want to strangle with your bitter cold hands which could spear icicles through his throat. Also, how can he look so much better than you? Wearing a monochrome shirt tucked into black slacks, with hair parted in the middle and.. Did he dye them blonde? Yes. Oh god, he did. Why does he look so good that it makes you wanna kill him more?

"Where the fuck were you?"

"Taking my sweet time getting ready for you, sweetheart." You gag at this and quickly step inside the lobby, making a beeline for the elevator, which fortunately, you don't have to wait for. Now that you think about it, you could've waited for this asshole inside the lobby. Huh. Whatever.

You almost let the door close on him but he wiggles his way inside with a grunt. Jesus.

"We are meant to be each other's date for tonight", he reminds you.

"Unfortunately. But I know that."

At this he raises an eyebrow and looks at you.

"You were the one who begged me to go with you. Don't act all snippy now."

He is right. Your mood is bad, but that doesn't mean you can act like a complete dick. He hasn't done anything to annoy you, yet.

"Sorry."

Thankfully he doesn't reply back, sensing your snarky mood and just nods at your weak ass apology.

The elevator opens to a complete ruckus. There are people bustling around the hallway leading up to the glass doors behind which there is more chaos. The top floor of your office building is luxurious and pristinely decorated, with high ceilings and sleek marble flooring. The party's decorations are subtle, with a christmas tree and multiple lights. But one thing that catches everyone's eye is the unusual amount of mistletoes.

They are literally everywhere. At the entrance, hanging on a string of fairy lights over the open bar, propped over the dance floor, in the hallway leading to the restrooms. Everywhere. There might be more but your vision is not so keen on finding them.

You walk with Yoongi by your side, none of you touching the other (why would you?) when you spot Mina at the bar. Of course. Whenever you need her, she'll be getting absolutely wasted. You walk up to her, Yoongi surprisingly keeping up with you and you call her out.

"Hey. You came alone?" She has a partner and they have been together for more than two years. They have attended almost all parties together but today she is alone, drinking her time away.

"Cyan has gone to their parent's house. It's been a while since they visited," You smile at that. It's true. They have been around for almost everything. You are glad they finally get to visit their family this holiday,"But that means that I feel so fucking alone right now." Mina completes with a whine and gulps her drink down.

You coo at that and stand behind her, draping your arms around her shoulder and bringing her near you.

"Don't worry. You have us to give you company." You say and look at Yoongi hopefully who just grunts as a response.

"I mean, you have me, at least."

She laughs and shakes her head.

"I don't expect anyone, Y/N. Go and enjoy. If you need me sometime, you'll find me getting shitfaced over here."

"Enjoy with who? Yoongi?" You laugh and stand back, rolling your eyes. You have only one friend at your workplace. And she wants to drown in her misery with whiskey. A concerning amount of whiskey. She flags the bartender to get another drink and you try to ask her to cut it down a little when Yoongi moves way too close to you.

His hand slides around your waist and he pulls you in a little. You gasp and look at Mina who is not paying attention and then hit his arm lightly.

"What are you doing?" You whisper, yell at him and he grins.

"You know, I like annoying people."

"Tell me something I don't already know. And don't try to annoy me." He moves you a little away from the bar and near the dance floor, still holding onto you.

"Hmm. Not you." He hums out and you furrow your eyebrows questioningly. At that he rolls his eyes and dips his head to your ear as you go completely still. "3 o'clock to your left. Don't look directly."

You do look directly. And see Jungkook at the far end leaning against the wall with his jaw clenched, hands in his pocket, and looking directly at you. Your breath hitches a little at his sight. You quickly move your head to Yoongi again and look at him, absolutely enjoying your state.

"I'm loving how Jeon is absolutely burning right now." He grins and you have the urge to strangle him right then and there.

"Also," He begins and pulls you closer, simultaneously leading you both a little more towards the dance floor,"did you notice that we both are matching? Coincidentally of course."

You widen your eyes in realization. Why is your luck like this? Of all people, you match with Min fucking Yoongi. Mindlessly your eyes go down to your outfit, a black fitted dress that goes to your ankles with a white strap running across your waist, and a sweetheart neckline, you realize he is right. Your monochromatic dress matches with his outfit. Ugh.

On the other hand, Jungkook is wearing a khaki leather shirt and black fitted slacks which accentuate his … everything. His hair is swept back showing his forehead and his piercings just add to the appeal, gleaming under the Christmas lights. You can climb him like a tree.

You don't look at him again though. His look is very much imprinted in your mind. Yoongi, that fucker, grins again at your miserable state and you hate that he loves this so much.

"He is jealous, oh my god." You don't pay any mind to him and sway a little to the music. Because there's no way Jungkook is jealous. Now that you think about it, why is he alone? Hasn't Mina said that he was going to come with someone else?

"He is … alone?" You mumble distractedly and Yoongi rolls his eyes.

"Are you going to ask everyone the same question?" He says referring to the question you asked Mina.

"No. I mean, he was going to come with someone."

"But he hasn't." Yoongi says slowly as he takes your hand and twirls you in a circle, dancing along with you.

To anyone who is watching you two, it might seem that you are engaging in a slow peaceful dance, and conversing with grins decorating your face. Because even in your confused state, your face reflects a hint of mirth, and Yoongi is already sporting a lopsided grin.

But it's not the truth. It's basically your mind racing a million miles an hour and Yoongi teasing you to his heart's content. The whispers between you two can easily fool anyone, even Mina who you see staring at you like a bee stung her. It is comical, the look on her face. You'll have to explain the whole mess to her later. Cause why are you dancing with Min Yoongi so lovingly? As if he hung the stars in your sky.

He raises his eyebrows at you and tips his head towards the dance floor, finally. You were wondering how long it would take for him to ask you there. You roll your eyes and he tugs you to the elevated center, just when the song switches to a slow, piano version of 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'. Oh what perfect timing.

"So, you heard me?" He asks when you place your arms around his neck, and sway with him slowly.

"I did. I am just thinking." He gasps at this.

"Since when?" And you hit his arm, mumbling a word your mom wouldn't be too glad hearing you speak – even if you are a 26 year old woman.

"In all honesty, though. He is a goner for you." He shakes his head as if it is as obvious as day.

"What?"

"Are you fucking blind? He is in love with you. No no, he has been in love with you, for so fucking long." He laughs and twirls you again.

"Yoongi, don't." You warn him. What the actual fuck?

"I know we are not friends. But I know a lovesick guy when I see one. And Jeon is just that." You furrow your eyebrows at that, and mindlessly, your eyes flit to the form of Jungkook completely seething at the opposite wall. Oh my god, he might just break the glass (which he picked up god knows when) from his tight grip on it.

Your stomach dips at the realization that he really does look jealous. Hellishly jealous of Yoongi. Because his stare is burning holes in his back but Yoongi, the ever asshole, is enjoying it.

"Also, later, when he asks you, tell him I'm gonna go home with that DJ guy." Yoongi's quiet voice breaks you out of your thoughts.

"I am not gonna fuck that DJ guy."

"Idiot. I," He takes his hand off your waist and points to himself,"I am gonna fuck him. You are gonna fuck him." He tips his head in Jungkook's direction and your face heats up.

"Why would he ask that?" You grumble and look away.

"Oh you know he will." You do know. Of course. If he really is jealous right now, and if he really does like (love) you how Yoongi is saying, he will definitely ask that.

The rest of the song plays on and you both move in silence, which gives you plenty of time to think. One, you like him. It's not rocket science to conclude that you are head over heels for him. You don't think you love him – but is there a light? Yes. And that scares and thrills you at the same time. Also, Yoongi? Jungkook loves you? You'd be an absolute fool to agree with whatever Min has to say, but the possibility makes your inside warm and your heart race, all giddy and hopeful. No, you are not hopeful that he will love you. But, he likes you to this extent? Would you have ever thought?

'Stop it, Y/N. It's not good to think about what Min said and raise your hopes and then shatter them', you think and shake your head. Yoongi, obviously, catches this and quirks a brow at you, at the very moment when the song ends. You wave his curiosity off and get away from him, walking down the dance floor with him on your tail.

"Go and woo your DJ guy." You wink at him and he understands what you actually need, easily going away with a knowing smile that shows his gums.

All this time, while you were navigating through your thoughts, you have lost sight of Jungkook. So it's to your utter surprise that you find him sitting at the bar when you go there to get a drink, with his head hung low and staring into his empty glass.

He looks so sad, as if he is living alone in a barren world. Your heart almost reaches out to him but you stop yourself in time, and instead, quietly perch yourself on the empty stool beside his.

Your dress rustles a little and that catches his eye. He turns to look at you with downtrodden shoulders, and watches you order a drink. His eyes trace every motion of yours and you try your best to get your drink in your hand before looking towards him. You'll need it.

"We peasants owe this pleasure for what?" His smile is sweet, sickly. You take a sip of your drink and smack your lips.

"Jungkook." You sigh when he still has that painful smile on his lips.

"Where is Yoongi? Don't you wanna dance with him on another number?" he asks innocently but you know the mask very well now.

"Jungkook", you warn.

"What? Why are you sad? Didn't you want him? Now you have him." He chuckles and you scowl. "A treat for my sore eyes", He mocks you and you finally snap.

"What is your problem?"

"What is your problem?"

"You."

He stills at your comment and you are at your peak.

"You are my problem. Don't you understand this is so fucking messed up? We play cat and mouse without even a single word about what we feel. It's," you sigh,"it's so tiring. All we do is bicker like teenagers and then get offended when the other does something. Like, isn't it our motive to offend each other? To shove the other to the ground? I'm just confused and annoyed right now."

"It's not my motive to offend you."

You all but choke at that, and slam your drink down on the table, doubling down in fits of cough. Your hand flies to your mouth to cover it and simultaneously Jungkook's goes to your back, patting and running soothing circles to calm you down.

"It's not my motive to offend you," His voice is calm, leveled,"But I don't know, everything I do seems to tick you off. It's like that brain of yours is a bomb and I am the trigger", he finishes and your coughs die down. You know you should think straight, be a person, act like an adult. But when he said your mind was fickle and implied that you were the problem, you surely didn't like it.

"Oh so now I am the problem?" you grumble and he sighs. You are being a bitch, you know that. You also know that you shouldn't have said this. He was genuinely trying to mend things with you. You don't wait for his answer and storm off. Nowadays when your brain goes haywire, you go away for a while to calm yourself down. Because you decide, the open bar at your office Christmas party is not the perfect place to have a showdown of 'Who can be the bigger asshole?' with Jungkook.

You need some time to think, gather your thoughts. Learn how to think with your brain and not like a bitch.

Jungkook fucked up.

So much for getting on your good side. What was he even thinking? He knows he always has to walk on eggshells around you. Then why couldn't he do it for one more night?

What was he thinking when he made that small little card to ask you out for the party? Fucking idiot, that's what he is. His head falls on the counter and he groans. He wants to flip this table.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

---

Jungkook is feeling cranky. He has been called earlier because someone new is joining today, and he is expected to be on his best behavior. He checks himself in the glass of the door which can open anytime soon. Even though blurry, his reflection is enough for him to know he looks presentable – which he was skeptical of, given that he has rolled out of bed and rushed to the office in less than forty-five minutes. Without coffee.

He decides he needs a cup of coffee before the new person comes in. Just so they don't think he isn’t an asshole, because he can be one without caffeine in his system.

His outfit is presentable and he is feeling good once he has a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Now this is the Jeon Jungkook he likes.

The door opens and Jungkook, leaning against the wall, lets a wide grin spread over his face, with his eyes crinkling and radiating warmth. Welcoming. He straightens up a little, hoping he doesn't weird you out by his teeth and slouch.

The first thing he sees as you step inside is your anxious face. Your features are twisted into nervousness, but there is excitement lurking in between those lines. Your eyes take everything in, but you are not scared. No, you are far from scared. With the black slacks and white button up that you don, paired with the sleekest high heels he has ever seen, your aura is dominating. It's a 'no nonsense' vibe. And even though you are nervous, because who isn't when it's the first day at their new job, you carry yourself with grace and confidence.

Your eyes scan the surroundings, and finally land on Jungkook. He notices that as soon as you see his smiling face, full of glee, some of your nervousness dissipates as your features relax. And even when your eyes were meek, Jungkook noticed one thing.

You are pretty. The kind that doesn’t let him take his off you. Not the gaudy, flashy kind. But then again, pretty can't be defined with another adjective – it's just that, pretty. The air you carry with yourself asks for people's attention, and the smile that graces your features then tells him that you never take that attention for granted.

Your smile is soft, and he wants to count the eyelashes that brush your cheek whenever you blink. Jeon Jungkook is not a man who would fall on his knees for a woman, especially before he even knows her name. So, he isn’t falling that deep, yet. But god do you intimidate him, even if you look kind.

"Hello, I am Y/N." Oh god. Your voice is sweet too. You have extended your hand and he quickly shakes it, trying not to linger.

"My dumbass didn't fix the wall clock and I forget I have other means to check the time. I am sorry for being late", you hastily explain and Jungkook wants to say it's okay, you are hardly late, but he is spellbound.

That day, he shows you around the office. Yes, he talks a lot. He also makes you laugh. And so, the smile on your face at the end of the day leads him to ask you to accompany him for lunch that weekend. You understood it as lunch in the break room and Jungkook didn't have the heart to correct you, trying to get anything he could.

At the end of the week, he knew he had an inkling of something for you. Something that made him giddy like a teenager.

---

Jungkook wonders how you both came to this. Maybe he knows. But he was never sure what annoyed you so much. He tried to be on his best behavior around you, but somehow it irked you.

Nevertheless, he continued to fall for you. So much that he had hope, that one day maybe you would not see him through the red fog of annoyance.

But feelings are a bitch. And so is someone else, because-

"Well, that was painful to watch." Min fucking Yoongi, he is a bitch.

"And who are you exactly helping by being here?" Jungkook returns without missing a beat, straightening up with a scowl on his face.

"Oh don't worry, Jeon. I don't help. Being kind does not fit my aesthetic", he quips back and settles on the stool you were on just a minute ago.

Jungkook groans when he realizes that Yoongi has no plans of going away soon. He turns back to his empty glass and almost slams his head down on the counter but thinks better.

"Min Yoongi, you are literally the last person I want to see right now."

"Trust me, I know." He quirks his head and sets Jungkook with a look that makes him want to-

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I have nothing better to do." Yoongi shrugs and Jungkook wills himself to not kill him.

A moment passes in which Yoongi stays quiet, surprisingly. Meanwhile, Jungkook turns around and his eyes scan the expanse of the room. He is trying to find you, of course. He had a thought of following you after you stormed off, but he knew better than to. After so long, he knows that when you need space, you should have space. Or else things can become ugly real soon.

He still thinks about the days when you happily chatted with him, didn't go away or shut yourself when he came near you or sat with you for lunch. He does have an idea that his overbearing nature and need to prove himself led you to stray away from him – after all, you had first seen him as a friend, and if he himself turned it into a competition, then you needed to go along with it.

The both of you are an odd case, but he loves it nonetheless. Loves how your face lights up whenever you achieve something, whenever you are happy. He loves how excited you get when you go on one of your mindless rants, not knowing that it's Jungkook who is listening to you, and your friend has stopped paying attention a long time ago. He loves the way you bring him comfort from whatever you do, loves the playful banter between you two. He loves everything about you.

Oh my god, he thinks. He needs to stop drinking. Or else god forbid he spews his thoughts out loud.

His heart sinks when he realizes you are nowhere to be found, at least in his line of sight.

"How lovesick can you be, Jeon?"

He warily turns his head to look at Min Yoongi. How can someone be so fucking frustrating?

"How stupid can you be, Min?" he asks and Yoongi snorts in his drink. He slowly swirls the amber liquid in his glass and grins.

"You know, you should tell her that you love her."

Jungkook stills. His hand that was straightening the collar of his shirt stops and he blinks. What did he say?

"What?"

"What? I said something?" Oh god. Who pays him to act like this?

Jungkook shakes his head, not able to say anything. Is it so clear? He doesn't even know Yoongi. Still, Yoongi can see through him and his stupor. Is he being so obvious? Jungkook's brain goes on an overdrive of questions. Do you know this? Is this why you are always running away from him? Do you, do you hate him so much? Oh god, he can't bear to think this. He immediately turns around to get another drink.

"Calm down, Jeon." Yoongi says, rather calmly.

"I am calm."

"Tell that to yourself." He snatches the drink as soon as it is placed in front of Jungkook, holding it at an arm's length.

"Min Yoongi I swear to god-"

"What? Idiot. See we don't know each other. And believe me, I love drama, especially during the holidays. But nothing goes on for this long. So suck it up and talk to her." He takes a sip from the drink Jungkook ordered for himself and shakes his head as if he is disappointed in him.

The look on his face makes Jungkook want to defend himself.

"I tried to talk to her. But evidently, my words are always wrong."

Yoongi sighs,"Jungkook, you know her better than I do. Take your time to think about the words, not your feelings." He stands up to leave and continues in an almost whisper, "Also, don't think that she hates you, or else you'll be surprised." Yoongi goes away as soon as he says this, without any kind of explanation or expressions, leaving behind a flabbergasted Jungkook.

Loving is not easy, or so Jungkook has heard. But with you, it is the easiest thing he has ever done. He fell for you like the leaves fall in autumn, slow and sure. He layed in your wake as you graced him with your presence. He is helpless, he is gone. He hopes you don't really hate him. Because, he doesn't know how much more of this heartburn he can endure.

Or else you'll be surprised

Yoongi's parting (not exactly parting) words echo in his mind. What does he mean by this? Jungkook wonders and wonders until he-

Oh my god, does this mean?

He needs to find you soon.

The lights in the ladies room are way too bright for your liking. You don't need to see your reflection so clearly in the mirror, especially when you feel so fucking guilty.

You feel like an asshole – maybe you are one. All this time you had been thinking about him, and his gestures which were oh so sweet. And when finally he tries to mend things with you, you snap. Like a teenager who doesn't know how to control all the new emotions they are feeling, you fucking snap. It was so childish of you to run away from him, from the situation like that.

The look on his face when you said that makes your heart ache. And it's not the joint ache or the pain you feel when you twist your ankle, no. It's like heartburn, the one that claws at your throat and chokes you. You literally gasp for air as tears pool in your eyes.

You are glad there is no one in the restroom when a stray tear makes its way on your cheek. (Finally your waterproof makeup is of use).

This is not you. Your reflection mocks you and you want to break the mirror. You are not like this. You don't hurt people, especially those who go out of their way to let you know that they care for you. You know no one else but you are to blame for this. Because when you look back at it, Jungkook has always tried to talk to you, and never rudely. He has always been playful, a little sarcastic with that gleam in his eyes.

You were already soft for him. Or else you wouldn't have kept up with him for this long. But at this point, you are completely putty, folding for him. It's pathetic. You are pathetic and you know that.

The hurt look on his face flashes behind your eyes as you close them, and you wince. You want nothing more than to hug him, to kiss him and say that he is not the problem. You want to assure him that he was never the problem, and you are not annoyed with him. You are annoyed with yourself.

It's ridiculous how quickly you go on a self-hating tangent when someone you lo- care for, is hurt by you. No, you need to stop, or else you'll be here for God knows how long.

You need to find Jeon Jungkook at the earliest.

You dry your eyes and wash your hands, (not your face because your life is not a movie) as you finally look at yourself in the mirror.

You can do this. You can speak your heart to him, and hope he doesn't run away.

Your first step outside the restroom is full of resolve, and directed towards one, and only one goal.

To find Jungkook.

The feeling that is rising in your heart is making you giddy, like a goddamn teenager. Even though guilt is hidden somewhere in the nooks and crannies of your emotions, the one that is visible is the same you feel right now. Your cheeks burn at the thought of what if?

This is pathetic. You are a twenty six year old, well experienced woman. Why are you blushing at your imaginations? Wait, no. Why are you imagining stuff? You need help. Better, you need him.

You cautiously move towards the bar again, hoping to find him still sitting there (very low chances), while also looking around for any chances of him not sitting there (not any, there are many).

But, as soon as you get away from the restroom, darkness spreads all around as the power suddenly cuts off. You can literally hear the power trip – so it's either someone messing or it's really an accident.

Audible gasps are heard from all around as people scramble to grasp the situation, and themselves. Your feet don't move as people rush all around you. You stay rooted in your place when your vision doesn't help you, at all. The lack of windows doesn't allow any kind of moonlight or streetlight to filter in, and it's absolute darkness.

You consider yourself to be brave, headstrong. But darkness is where you draw the line. It's nauseating. You feel like it's sticking to your body and creeping up your skin, making you want to shake yourself out of the daze. It scares you to no end, because you do not like creepy things.

Your mind tries to calm you, but it fails. Your feet try to move, but they fail. Your eyes try to adapt to the darkness, but again, they fail. You can feel the panic settling in your bones. You need something to ground yourself to. You count your breaths slowly and shake your fingers but the whispers and murmurs of people all around you makes you want to crouch down and shout with your hands on your ears. You need something. You need someone to-

"Y/N?"

That- Your neck almost breaks with the speed at which it turns towards the voice. The voice which you want, which you need.

"Jungkook", you sigh, but your voice is high pitched, scared. And as soon as you say his name, you are pulled into a hard, but comforting chest. You immediately wrap your hands around his torso and cling to him for your life. Like he is the only source that is letting you breathe and live.

He holds you close, tight, as if you will slip away if he lets you go. And maybe you will. Because you desperately need an anchor, and he is just the one for you. He invades your senses and that's when you feel like maybe you can breathe again.

You gasp for air as tears line your eyes. You hate the dark. It makes you see things you don't even want to know about.

"Shh. Hey, I am here. Don't worry", his voice breaks your dangerous train of thought and you sigh, nodding against his chest.

You try to control your breathing, slowly as your nails almost dig in his back. You feel like maybe you'll fall down, but the constant rhythm of his heart beating under your ear grounds you, and wills you to stay on your feet. You almost fucking melt in his arms when his lips touch your hair, and he mumbles calmly.

"Breathe, breathe with me. Don't worry, everything is gonna be fine. Just stay with me, okay?" His voice is like honey, bleeding into your ears and giving you comfort. His breathing gets slow, to help you, and you mumble a small okay into his chest, with your eyes screwed shut.

You try to focus on the rhythmic movement of his chest, as it goes up and down with every inhale and exhale of his. Soon enough, your breathing matches his and your worry and panic deflate a big amount. You can finally feel yourself again. And the sudden realization of his scent invading your (now normal) breathing makes you soar in the clouds.

His heartbeat is faster, now that you notice. It's the same that you felt when you hugged him in the elevator. You mindlessly snuggle into his chest and his lips press against your head with more resolve.

"Hey, you okay there?"

That's when you realize.

He knew. He knew of your fear. He knew how you feel when you encounter the dark. And the way he pulled you in and comforted you just solidified the fact that he knew this information very well.

"You, you knew that I-" you gulp. You don't even need to speak for him to know your next words.

"I did." An assurance. Two words that tell you that he knows and will always know of the things that unsettle you. And he will always be there to bring you back to yourself, bring you back to him.

"How?"

"Does that matter? I am just glad that you are here with me." His arms around you hold you even tighter, and you want to say that you will always be there with him.

You smile with red, burning cheeks as you move your head and let your lips rest against his chest. You are so glad he can't see your goddamn blush, but you can swear you just felt the beat under you speed up.

"Thank you", you whisper quietly, but you know he heard it when he moves your head and dips down.

His lips touch your forehead and you still.

The action is so simple, yet it twists your heart in knots. Because, he kissed your forehead. Out of care, out of affection, out of adoration. It's so sweet that you want to die. Is this how you die? Overwhelmed by the simplest act of affection? You are glad it's him, because at this moment, you can't think of a better way to go.

He pulls away and looks down at you with concern in his big, doe eyes. You want to drown in them. You can't see his face properly, but you know the sight is breathtaking, you can feel it. You can see the outline of a strand of hair falling on his face, and you move a little away, breaking the hug to try to look at his whole face, when the lights suddenly switch on.

Brightness fills the room (brighter than before) and you step back, suddenly blinded by the intensity of the light. Your hand shields you as if you have just walked out in the sun, and maybe you have. Because Jungkook's glow is surely blinding you.

His eyes gleam softly, big and doe-like. He stares at you with what you can only make out as stars in his eyes. It's enthralling, the feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach. You don't even realize you were blatantly staring at him when loud cheers break you out of your reverie.

People all around are cheering a few couples who found themselves under the numerous mistletoes hung almost everywhere. You watch with amusement as a couple dives right into a makeout session as soon as they realize they have the opportunity, while a pair hesitates to even look at each other, just a few feet away.

A few painful seconds pass after which the crowd gives up on cheering them, because clearly, it's a lost cause. And clearly, you don't realize what you are doing till someone nudges your hand. You don't know who that person is, because they walk away as quickly as they came, shouting out a smug thing.

"You know, it's bad luck to not kiss."

It's what?

Jungkook gasps as he looks up and belatedly you both realize you have found yourself under a mistletoe. Under. A. Mistletoe.

There is someone whistling, there is someone laughing, there is someone cheering, but all you can see is that you are standing with him under a mistletoe, as he looks at you like he too, can't notice anything else.

You don't know if it's really bad luck or not. But you do know that you'd really like to kiss Jungkook. And you hope he does too.

None of you move, and he mistakes your lack of action as hesitancy.

"If you are uncomfortable we can move somewhere else. I mean-"

"No."

Jungkook blinks.

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's bad luck to not kiss. Right?" you shrug, "So we would not like that. Right?" Why, god why? Why are you speaking like a teenager? Just, hold him and tell him you are head over heels for him and would kiss him even if that meant bad luck for you. You hope he doesn't walk away at your reasoning.

He stops back a smile and nods like a child, his eyes holding the humor and happiness his mouth fails to deliver.

"Yes, of course. We don't need bad luck."

You roll your eyes and stand straighter, a smile playing at your lips.

Is this what dreams feel like? Is Jungkook dreaming? He feels like he is flying. There is no way you are standing in front of him, a flustered mess and making excuses to kiss him. As if he won't kiss you whenever you ask him to. He can kiss you all day (only if you allow him to, of course).

He feels giddy. He wants to hold you and recite the poem he read a while ago that reminded him of you. He wants to write you a song that makes you laugh and look at him with hearts in your eyes. He wants to do everything for you, and everything with you. A kiss is only the beginning of his love for you.

The smile on his face increases when his hands find your face. There is literally no one watching you, no one is there to pester you to kiss, but still you both do it. It's not a movie, but he feels like time slows down around him.

A lone petal which has been enduring the weather for a long time, finally falls when he dips down and attaches his lips to yours.

In the midst of the chaos of the party, Jungkook attaches his lips to yours, and you still. For a moment, you forget that you are standing in the middle of a crowded hall. For a moment, all you feel is him.

An oh so sweet feeling settles deep inside you, and it seems like a lifelong yearning of yours has been settled. He moves his lips against yours gingerly, his hand cradling your jaw as if you will break if he even touches you with fervor. Your toes curl with the soft intensity of the kiss and you lean into him a bit more. The hints of wine that you taste on his lips pulls you into throws of ecstasy and your hands find themselves around his neck.

He kisses you like a dew drop touches the petals of a flower in the morning, soft and gentle. His tongue doesn't skirt at your lips, and you are glad, or else you would've turned a mistletoe kiss into a makeout session. You forget about everything around you.

But when he pulls away, his nose a hair's breadth away from yours, and breath fanning across your lips, you realize you don't even need to know about anything around you.

It's him, and just him.

"Y/N?" it's a whisper quieter than the quietest of nights, but you hear it nonetheless. As if he is asking you if you are still there with him or are still swimming in the ecstasy he has thrown you into.

You don't know what you are feeling. You don't know what to speak when your mind has gone on an overdrive and shut down simultaneously. What if you open your mouth and speak things that are so incoherent that he thinks he has to walk on eggshells around you, again? It's tiring trying to navigate your mind when you can hear your heartbeat loud in your ears. Does he hear it too?

Your eyes stare into his, with millions of questions and just a look of his doe eyes assure you that you are not alone. You will get answers, you will know what this is.

He swipes a finger at your cheek, as if asking you for your sincerity, and you mindlessly nod at his unworded request. It's funny that you are operating on autopilot, but you can't do anything else when your breath has been stolen from your lungs.

A loud cheer breaks you out of your reverie and you notice that people have now gathered around you two. God, it's so embarrassing. Not kissing him, but unintentionally acting like a fool in front of everyone. You think you see Yoongi with a smug smile in your peripheral vision, and maybe, just maybe, Mina is cheering too, but you ignore the whole ordeal.

You need to get out of here.

And just then-

"Wanna get out of here?"

Yes, God yes. Jungkook asks you the right question at the right moment, because of course he is Jeon Jungkook and he is always there for you. You nod and your smile grows as he pulls away from you, only for his hand to touch your elbow. His touch is featherlight, but you shiver nonetheless.

As you leave, you smile at the onlookers and they start to disappear. You are glad no one is nosy enough to come and ask you what will happen next.

You know two people who would like to know, and you know they, or at least Mina, is hopefully looking at you, but you just give her a look that says 'Later' and run away behind Jungkook.

Your feet follow his without other thought and you think maybe that's just what it is.

The night is still young when you step out in the fresh air with him. None of you speaks a word, it's as quiet as the night around you. Until it isn't.

“I am glad we got out of there. Those people are crazy.” Jungkook shakes his head as he says this and you laugh.

“True. Especially Mina and Yoongi. It's so good that we escaped them.”

At this Jungkook stops walking and you almost stumble. When you look around, you both are standing in an empty street with the streetlight and the moonlight being your only companion. There is no noise, given that you both got out from the parking lot and not the main lobby.

But the silence invites you like an old friend, and you are glad that the only one breaking it is Jungkook, and no one else.

"Did he, did he tell you?"

"Did he tell me what?" you wonder out loud. Is he talking about Yoongi? Well, Yoongi did tell you a couple of things. But you don't know how much of them you are going to reveal to Jungkook. Yoongi did make some speculations about his feelings, and even though you have a positive feeling, you are not going to try your luck right now. Especially when he is so close.

"Did he tell you anything after you kind of stormed off from the bar?" His voice is meek, unsure, and you grimace when he mentions your moment of weakness – your childish action of storming off during a conversation.

"No." You shrug and quickly add, "and I'm so sorry for storming off earlier. I was a little-"

"Y/N." He takes your hand and you pause,"it's okay, don't think about it." His hold on your wrist is firm but kind, as if afraid you will run away, again but also not trying to hurt you.

He shakes his head when you fail to say anything but just look at him. "Come here."

And you walk into his arms without hesitancy, like a moth drawn to a flame. He wraps his arms around you and you sigh.

"You don't need to apologize for feeling," he whispers, "but you also don't need to feel like you have to hide from me."

You know that. And you feel relieved now that he has said that.

"I was just feeling too much," you mumble into his chest.

"I know. I was too. And it's okay."

You laugh at that, genuinely. But not in a way that says that he joked, in a way that says you understand what he means. You don’t even think about how suddenly you both resonate with each other on so many levels.

A gust of wind blows your hair and you shiver a bit, despite being in his arms.

“Wanna go somewhere else?” he asks and you wonder out a loud ‘Where?’

“Just, one of my favorite places. I am sure you will love it too.”

And you have no reason to say no to him. So you follow him, yet again, giddily.

It’s colder. The raised area allows the wind to affect you more. But you don’t care when you can see almost the whole city beneath you. Especially with Jungkook beside you bathed in moonlight, holding your hand.

He booked a cab from the street you both were on. And he never let go of your hand. The whole ride was quiet – you didn’t even ask him where exactly you were heading to, and still you knew you were going to love it. Because the easy smile and the glimmer in his eyes said so. His hand firm but gentle in yours said so. And you had no reason to not trust him.

“Wow.” 

“Isn’t it really beautiful?” he asks you excitedly, as he looks at you with unadulterated joy.

It is. You can see specks of light dancing in front of your eyes, the Christmas lights. There is no snow – but you think it wouldn't have even survived in front of the warmth you are feeling. 

“You come here often?”

“Naah. I don't usually get time to. In college I used to, though. Nowadays I only come here when I feel way too overwhelmed by everything.” He smiles and you do too. ”This place can clear your head quickly, and make you feel like you are on top of the world.”

“Well, I don't know about the top of the world, but it's definitely on top of the city.” He laughs and squeezes your hand, as if you said the most hilarious thing ever.

You know you should talk with him. It's not a fairytale, that suddenly you kissed and now you will live happily ever after. You need to settle down your previous grudges and talk, discuss your feelings a lot more. It's not college all over again, where you will communicate just for the namesake, nor are your feelings for him so trivial that you can just let it go. 

"Jungkook."

"Yeah, we need to talk." He smiles at you and your eyes widen slightly.

"What are you, a psychic?"

He just laughs and leads you to a circular brick structure built around some small plants that you notice just now. They are the apt height for you to sit on them like benches, and you realize this place is not that much of a secret. Still, it counts.

You sit down side by side, with your shoulders grazing each other's. And even though there is a lot of space, none of you shift.

"I am genuinely sorry for all the times I annoyed you so much that you felt like you needed to walk away," he begins with his eyes trained on his fingers in his lap.

You shake your head at this. It feels ridiculous to you to sit here and listen to him drone out apologies – as if it's his fault or something. 

"I think we should just sit down one day and say sorry to each other, because even I have a lot to apologize for."

He laughs and your shoulders slump with relief at the fact that he doesn't deny your words – that even you have a lot to apologize for. 

You think you are a little tipsy. And the red dust on Jungkook's cheeks tells you that he is more tipsy than you. You wouldn't be surprised if he was, especially after the one too many drinks he was having at the bar, while you were dancing with Yoongi. That thought takes you back to the moment you bickered with Jungkook at the bar, and stormed off. Even though he said it was okay, you know that was wrong of you.

"I, you are not my problem, Jungkook."

"Huh?"

He looks at you with big doe eyes, and you think how easy it is for you to drown in them. The moonlight reflects off his face in glowing beams, and the stars find themselves in his eyes. His lips are set in a confused frown, and the red dust on his cheeks seem to increase when he locks eyes with you.

"At the bar, when I said you were my problem. I was in a rage, because Yoongi said some things. And," you pause, realizing you are rambling and that it's ridiculous for you to explain yourself like this, "and there's no excuse for it, yeah. I am sorry." You sigh as you end, not being able to look him in the eyes.

You expect him to say how hurt he felt, or maybe just brush it off with an off-handed comment.

What you don't expect him to do, is take your clammy hand in his and interlock his fingers with yours. 

"Y/N. Look at me." He tugs you by your hand and you will yourself to look him in the face.

"What did you say just now about apologizing?"

"That we will sit down one day-"

"Yes, one day. And today's not the day. So stop apologizing for hurting me, when I wasn't even hurt."

You furrow your eyebrows.

"You weren’t hurt?"

He shakes his head with a laugh and raises his free hand to your face. Your breath hitches when he tucks a stray hair behind your ear. Oh my god, you could melt at the way his touch leaves a fire in its wake. His fingers linger on your neck, and he doesn't pull his hand away when he speaks.

"I know how snippy you can get when you are frustrated."

That makes you laugh.

"You know me, huh?" you ask slyly, as if this is the moment for you to be sly.

"Well, I know a lot about you." 

"What are you, a stalker?" you gasp.

"Yeah," he dryly replies and you exhale a snort.

His hand still lingers at your nape. And you belatedly realize that the hair on your neck is standing, as if saluting him. His eyes dart between yours and your lips, and you wonder if he will lean down. But then the hand at your nape moves around your form, and he pulls you in by your shoulder.

You stiffen for half a second, but then easily lean into him, laying your head on his shoulder as his fingers dance across your arm lightly.

You can feel the warmth from him, and it makes you forget that you both are practically sitting out in the dead of winter, at night. You wonder if by some miracle you can stretch this moment to last forever, not wanting to leave his side, and the comforting peace of mind you get.

"So, how was the party?"

His question takes you off-guard.

"Umm, good?" you say confusingly. You understand he is just trying to break into a conversation, but really?

"Yeah. I am sorry for being a dick with the whole Yoongi thing before. I know you like him." He sighs and you sit up straight.

"Wait a minute. I don't like him," you say, because you really don't. Who is feeding him these lies? Mina, that fucker.

"Huh? You don't?"

"Honey, everyone and their mama knows how big of an asshole he is. I do not like him, okay." You laugh and you think you feel his shoulder sag with what you think is relief.

"I thought you were into assholes," he comments, slyly, and you decide to play along.

"Well, you are an asshole."

"Yeah, but are you into me?"

At that, you pause, and look up at him. He has an easy grin on his face, which says that he is also just playing along. You are not sure how honest you should be, but it's also high time now. You look back at the sky, and lay your head against his shoulder again as you drawl out a lazy-

"Yeah."

He suddenly sits up straight, and you stumble but catch yourself at the last moment.

"What?"

You look at him, holding back your smile.

"What?"

"You, you are into me?"

His eyes are wide like saucers and you think you see the faint citylights in them. It's beautiful how his lips form a confused pout, and his head nods at you.

"Yes." You laugh, and a smile breaks out on his face. His hands find yours and he holds them in a gentle grasp.

"Do you, do you really like me?"

"Yes, Jungkook."

"Oh my god, come here." He tugs at your hand and pulls you into him, again. You gladly rush into his arms and this time, lay your head on his chest, listening to his heart. You feel giddy, as if you are confessing to your first crush and he has just said that yes, he likes you too.

"I feel like I am the happiest man right now." You blush against his chest and he holds you tighter.

"So do I understand that you like me back too?"

"Of fucking course. If it wasn't obvious already, then." He laughs and you think you can melt in the sound, drowning yourself in the sweet honey ringing of his voice and the joy spilling from it. You know it was obvious – at least to some extent. Okay well, at least after someone pointed it out to you. And that gave you the confidence to open up to him. Or else you would have drowned in your thoughts instead of him.

His lips brush your hair and you sigh at the touch, closing your eyes at the tender feeling. You want the moment to stretch forever. The moon gracing you with its presence and the relief that you are finally beside him, in his arms, with nothing to bother you.

"I love you."

It is so sudden that you forget how to breathe, going still. His words are muffled by your hair, but you hear them nonetheless, when you can even hear him breathing. Somewhere, you knew this was coming. Because everyone, every sign, every feeling led you to believe it. And even though you are glad the intuition was right, you don't fucking know what to do now.

You take your head off his chest and look up at him. Just before you open your mouth to say anything, he rubs his hand on your arm, trying to calm you down. As if he felt the inner turmoil rising inside you.

"Shh. I know you're not there yet, and it's okay. Even if you'll never get there, I am content with how it is right now." He shouldn't be. After all this time, why is he still ready to give himself and his feelings up, for you?

"Jungkook-"

"I know. But, I couldn't stop myself from saying it. And I understand if you walk away."

"Shut up, I am not walking away," you tell him, rather firmly and you feel when his shoulders sag with relief, even though he doesn't let it show on his face. You snuggle into him once more, this time kissing his heart softly through the shirt.

"Why would you say something like that? Why would you say that you will be okay if I never get there?" you mumble and he rests his cheek on your hair.

"Because, being someone to you is better than being no one."

Oh, your heart. Your poor little heart. It can't take the pain, the longing that you can feel radiating from him. You feel like you could cry at his words, because how can you be so oblivious to his thoughts? You wish to tell him something, anything that can tell him that you are almost there too. That this time around, he won't be no one to you, he'll be everything to you.

"I, I am almost there too-"

"Love, I don't need to know if you are almost there or not. I need to know if you are here, here with me. Are you?" The name makes your heart do somersaults, but you compose yourself to give him a reply.

"Yes. Yes I am here with you."

"Well, then I don't want anything else." He laughs and you feel yourself calm down at the voice. It's just a matter of time, you think. You can't afford to hurt him anymore, and you know you won't. You are glad you are here with him. It's meaningless to fret over what will happen, rather than focusing on what's happening.

"I think we have someone to thank," he jokes and you roll your eyes.

"If it's Yoongi, then I'm not talking to him."

"Valid, but you know he helped."

That he did. If not for him, you would have been sulking in some corner, still at that party.

"We'll see what we do."

"Okay, boss. As you say." He laughs and you hit his chest.

"Shut up."

"Maybe you should tell him how you had a crush on him. Wouldn't it be hilarious?"

"Jungkook, I swear to god, if you don't shut up-"

And that's how you bicker into the night, with love and a lot of jokes. With a promise to be together, sealed by kissing in the moonlight.

taglist : @nuniah @jinsquishes @jeonkookiesworld @sailoryooons @jjkeverlast @aliimac @gimmethatagustd @namjoonwhoresworld @apotatomashedbybts @synnfulqt @saweetspoiled @chimchimmarie @sugababylove84 @axigailxo @yoongukie-ff @instabull @graycosco @wobblewobble822 @jungkooksseuphoria @kalea10 @yoongimarryme3

feedback, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated so please let me know your thoughts :)))

also, end notes : i am astronomically late for this one, three months late for christmas! but I'm finally here, after all the stuff going on with me hehe! maybe I'll write a drabble for these two later? where the reader also confesses her feelings? all domestic haha. let's see! but thankyou so much for reading it! any kind of feedback will be immensely appreciated :D

© sugarwithtea. all works belong to me. do not repost.

[desiblr-gapshap]

Gapshap is here again to entertain you.

Good evening everyone, I'm your self proclaimed host तितली (@alhad-titli)

Humans can't endure boredom... Hence we found many things to entertain ourselves with. Plays, music, books, movies, shows, and many more things.

Most of the time, we indians get rid of our boredom by watching bollywood movies (old era ofc. new bollywood is uhh well we all know what am I talking about.) No matter what kind of international web series, show, drama you may watch but you will feel home in only movies which are in your native language. We are separated by states, languages, culture but united by bollywood.

Yes today is bollywood night. There are many masterpiece movies, Mughal-e-azam, umrao jaan (both), woh kaun thi, om shanti om, kabhi khushi kabhi gam, mein hoon na, but our tonight's guest's personal favorite is "Jab we met" can you guess who's that? Keep guessing.

If geet and aditya ever come out of movie and had to say something to us then it would have been this:

Aditya: "In your opinion, what keeps a person going?"

Geet: "Golgappe yaarrrrrrr."

Aditya: "Geet, I am serious, give me an answer, tumhe ek baar me samjh nhi aata?"

Geet: *stares at him with puppy eyes*

Aditya(sighs): let me answer it, it's the love that keep us going, love has the power to change us, rebuild us, love can make a dead person alive and can also kill a living being. love hurts but its important. There are many types of love, platonic, romantic. For example, you dont like your family in many terms but you still love them right?

Geet: *nodding*

Aditya: similarly we love the love things that may hurt us , because those things those people are our people . love is simple and very complex at th esame time its fragile like a bomb but remember in all these ups an downs of life dont forget to love yourself and the people around you .

Geet: *glares at him*

Aditya: so Geet meri sardarni, tell me who do you love the most now ???

Geet: *laughs* golgappeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Aditya sighs and takes her on date.

Back to reality everyone.

"Geet is not only person who loves pani puri" I said. Who else love it? We, brown GIRLS idiot.

But but the girl who loves panipuri the most is our own @mainapnifavouritehoon humari desiblr ki professional simple and desi girl.

Vo sab to theek hai but it's golgappeeeeee not pani puri *says chai* (@masalalala-chaii)

*Smacking her head!* Ignore her guys please.

Let us start the interview with rapid fire questions.

So Geet tell us,

About yourself, your blog.

What kind of vibes you want to give by your blog?

how you became simp for him? *ahm ahm*

And you golgappe wali come with me at the backstage for a second, let's have a talk. *Smiling and dragging chai away with her dupatta trying my best to not strangle her with it.*

So Arunima, the stage is all yours now. Do bhangra or whatever you want here.

[itz-stus]

I'm so sorry anon I accidentally deleted your request so here the request I had a lot of fun writting this just brought back the old bollywood music

Masterlist

The Mosson

Dazai Osamu:

I think that he would first find it odd thinking that you just jumped into a pouring rain storm and think of it as a new suicide method 

Once he realizes there is no going back for you.

I feel like he would enjoy it way too much just you and him and the rain 

He would prefer for salsa dance 

He would be very handsy it would be his new mission to make you shiver under his touch 

Just imagine his shirt just stuck to his body while his bandages just crave out his body sdfgkkljj

He would like to try to unfold your saree and like give you small kisses on your neck shoulder blade jaw you name it.

He would surely tease you for dancing so boldly and he would gladly join

I am a firm believer that he will like to pinch your waist and just roam his fingers around your waist and slowly move upwards.

I think he would be the type to have those scenes where the hero just buries his face in either the heroine's waist or chest. Like in the Mohra 1994

I also think that there will be a dance on the song darling from Vishal Bhardwaj

A salsa dance with him on senorita>>>>>

Gojo Satoru:

Okay, so for him, I think there would just be those energetic dances like zoobi doobi from 3 Idiots and like I love you from Mr. India and barso re from Guru you get a general idea right?

He would like to jump around with you.

Just think of him being all childish as you and his spin around (quickly) and like falling around here and there 

He would definitely like to do the classic stretch the palo style thing and like pulling you closer to him 

He would be kissing your shoulder waist neck and like just giving a shake to your waist and twisting you 

Just imagine his shirt sticking to his body as his shoulder blade is defined as his top button just flips open 

he would just be head over heals when you just even give him a little kiss 

would pick you up and turn you around  

Okay so this one is just universal for both of them I think there will be a moment when the just do the classic step going down up to you waist and synchronising with your "thumka"

[skz-maybe-incorrects]

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: de wonderfulest ppl @noonaracha @straykidsgallery and @itsstraykids thank you sm!!! (go appreciate their cool point stories!)

Name(s): juni! is what i decided. some friends on this hellsite also call me solar so wtv u prefer. atp i just have a bunch of nicknames bcs i also have a Weird Name, A Weirder (Family) Nickname in real life

Pronouns: he/she/they/it<3 when i say feel free. pls and thank u

Star Sign: libra, right when it starts (and just a day after seungmin's!)

#of Siblings And Fun Facts About Them(if u have any): one (1) younger gremlin brother, and the funnest fact abt them is that he has been a walking directory of telephone no's since he was 4 and now can be relied upon to calculate large numbers inside his head in point seconds. Still hates physics(and most things theory)> by which, he also stores insane and inane amount of stats info (abt all types of things, but mostly sports) inside his head ready to be flourished at a moments notice, which is mildly impressive when ur 6 and debating with college students the scores of a game that happened 15yrs before u were born but not now when ur 17 and ppl are more focused on your test scores rather than ones u know, so</3 also has his birthday on changbin's but he doesnt know abt that

#of Pets: there's a history there. with fishes that my ma deceived me with on my 12th birthday(when i asked for a pet, i imagined smth i could hold) and then liked too much herself that we had them for 5yrs. three times; birds, but my brother kind of freed them while singing a lullaby with only me as an unbelieving witness. a dog (belovedest of em all) my dad picked from street as a puppy and who, then, had to be given away after 3yrs bcs of Stupid Reasons im still mad abt. now i just have street cats showing up at my front door to safekeep their babies on my staircase's isolated nooks till they grow up and vanish and street dogs who believe i have endless supplies of treats and show me sad faces when i dont. i really want a pet</3 but for now im contending with pictures of kitties whose moms operate on strict 'see-dont-touch' policies and sweet sweet strays who like to befriend u too easy.

Fandoms: many, but rn im active mostly in skz and mxtx. id love to be in other stuff i read and watch but since Capitalism hates me dearly,,,

Favorite Color: darker shades of all and any colors(esp blue green and red)!!! can be relied upon immensely to look warm and pretty always

Favorite Song: picking favorites for anything is out of my capabilities. also am just listening to my favorite bollywood playlist a lot these days.

Favorite Author: have a working list of favorite poets that does not end at 1. have not read a book seriously in four years of exam/prep-locking. but even if i did, idt ill be able to pick any favorite bcs, yk. good things in many things. (tldr; its roald dahl) (and ruskin bond who i read when i was 5 and still read when im so tired bcs his stories inspire me to write always)

Hobbies: I dance(perform) sometimes? I write??(←derogatory, dubious) make stuff, mostly poems and stories and tinker with free things i can do, both online or craft. analysis of things with friends is a beloved activity. i liek yoga and stretching (rn in an ongoing war with 3° winter mornings to drag myself out of bed and go to class at 6) cooking when i have time but mostly, always, reading (or! watching) stories, poems and learning abt cool nonfiction things (does crying abt fiction count)

Favorite Holiday: none of the above its the trips and getaways u make for yourself. all my beloved memories are always mostly from when our family makes a trip to someplace my mom insists or there's a non-worrying emergency to go somewhere. just family getting together under some pretense, even tho it is stressful as fuck.

Do You Have Any Partner(s): persuading my best friend atm but sadly she's straight</3(no lmao)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: since im having it rn- coffee doesnt keep me up or sometimes even makes me nod off, a fact i discovered after my 14yr old brain had the brilliant idea to try out the cool, forbidden drink after dinner knowing i wasnt allowed to. this is not fun to my ma but growing up in a sort of restrictive household, im also just weirdly good at sneaking and doing stuff im not supposed to without getting caught. i also do not know how to talk in lesser words. this is an absolute curse, yes i have tried. beware</3

this^ is a mess but thank u i had fun!! lemme tag: @winterfloral @syannie @hyunhomoons @quokki @chogiwow @agibbangs @rainknow @lixence @hyunebear @straykidsgallery @jerirose @ambivartence @hongjoongpresent + anyone who wishes to! apologies if tagged already!

[hand-picked-star]

It's a blog dedicated to IPKKND. I had been a avid fan of IPKKND since forever. For a long time, I couldn't indulge myself to my obsession of it. But right now I got some times to do what I always wanted to do. It's a navigation post,mostly for me, as I am getting lost in my own blog. And for you too,if you ever show interest in my blog.

My scattered thoughts

Namak ishq ka

Bharosha nehi hain mujhpe?

Saza toh milegi

Lay me down by your side

12 labours of Arnav Singh Raizada part 1, part 2 and narratives

sshhh...relax

Teri meri prem kahani

No pun intended

Yeh kya ho gaya

I love you, damn it

My khawali pulao

Before kidnapping

During kidnapping

After kidnapping

After remarriage

Mr. & Mrs.Raizada gif-set

You put a spell on me

Guilty as sin?

She's got you high

Hold me close

Color my world

Crazy in love

The rain

The sun & the moon

Me and you, we were made to break

Five love languages

Out of my head into your arm part 1 and part 2

Just him touching her everywhere

Ab na jaa

IPKKND and BOLLYWOOD

Part - 1

Part - 2

Part - 3

IPKKND & VEER-ZAARA Part - 1

IPKKND & VEER-ZAARA Part - 2

others

Arnav and shyam

reblogs

Things I Like To Read

language of sex in IPKKND

Arnav's redemption

[girl-in-the-chairs-void]

Tu maan meri jaan; a string of headcanons

A/n; I wanna thank @birdy-bat-writes for this amazing string of head canons, you are truly an inspiration to us all. This little thing is dedicated to all my brown girls and desi’s who long for the representation on any platform. I want you to know that just because there is no opportunity available, doesn’t mean you can’t make an opportunity for yourself. I hope you like this as much as I do <333

Jake seresin x desi!reader (feat. The dagger squad + Maverick)

I completely melt at the thought of Jake getting married to a South Asian bride and they make the wedding half Western and half South Asian.

Like on the reception he just whispers “meri jaan” My life or something in your ear as the Pandit officiates it.

All the little kids calling him the versions names for “uncle” and you feeling so proud and holding them all close to you, he looks at you so softly, getting the kids to leave the stage as they scurry off after hugging both of you.

Jake on a horse, riding his way to your house with the Baraat.

When you first started dating, he didn’t understand the things you whispered to him in your language.

Him seeing you in the wedding lehenga for the first time and just forgetting how to speak

He makes it his mission to learn a little bit of your language without telling you. So when you speak to your family or friends and it’s mostly them teasing you two, he knows but doesn’t mention it until later.

You are not expecting to be as speechless as you are when you see him in his wedding outfit. He doesnt stop teasing the hell out of you about it the entire night.

Dirty blond hair glistening in the harsh light coming from the camera man and seeing the rest of the squad in traditional clothes is the cherry on top.

He had his hands in the air as the dhol and drums echo loudly, mimicking some of the moves your father or brother may have taught him.

And then at the reception, you decide to change into a white dress. But he doesn’t know. So when he sees you he’s breathless all over again.

He gets down on one knee as he approaches the stage where you stand, a ring in hand, maybe saying a few sentences in your language that has you crying

“Main aur kisi ke bare main kaise soch sakta hoon jab meri duniya mere samne hai?”How can I think about someone else when my whole world is in front of me?

Maybe he sings a song or two; a song from your favorite bollywood movie, something he spent months practicing and getting the emotions right so he doesnt end up crying halfway. The lyrics are dedicated to you, Ofcourse. And as he brings you onto the dance floor you notice the mic in his hand shaking. But you slowly wrap your hands around his and sing the song with him as it closes out.

It’s no secret that Jake loves to dance and his whole family really enjoys dancing at the wedding.

They drag him onto the stage and what people don’t know is that he has been practicing his moves.

If a lot of Punjabi families are there, then we know we got the booze flowing and as soon as the songs come on he is going at it.

You are laughing and giggling in your chair as you watch him do bhangra or any other type of dance that he has up his sleeve.

You’re just like “��.where did you learn to dance like that?”

“When did you find the time to learn this?” “well, i am a Seresin, darlin’”

The wedding vows go like this:

“The things I do for you my love, but today, I wanna dedicate this day, not to us; but to you. Because my heart has been so full of you that I simply cannot call it mine anymore. My soul has been bewitched and my mind has been taken over by every thought of you. I am a mere reflection- a shadow of you. There was a quote in this movie we watched on our third date: om shanti om (apologies for the pronunciation); you said it was your favorite movie growing up and you cried when shah rukh khan said; "Itni shiddat se maine tumhe paane ki koshish ki hai, ki har zarre ne mujhe tumse milane ki saazish ki hai.” (I have tried so hard to get you, that the entire universe has brought you to me.) So today as our families gather around us to witness this beautiful moment, I want to say to you; mujhse shaadi karogi?” (Will you marry me)

To which you just laugh and say “we’re already married dumbass” while tugging him up to kiss him and whisper a thousand yes’.

The Mehendi and Haldi rasam has you thinking he looks absolutely adorable

The yellow pastes make his skin glow and while everyone is admiring him all the young girls and aunties eyes are on him, he is just admiring you from the corner of the room as you get the haldi all over you.

You don't notice his eyes on you through the thin curtain until your mother whispers to you: “Everybody’s watching him but he’s only been looking at you”

He loves the way your hair shines in the light.

If there is haldi left after the ceremony you and Jake just attack Mav and the squad with it.

The aunties probably have something to say about how he’s just completely all over you, but you two don’t even care. You’re already too far gone into the bliss of your wedding preparations and traditions that nothing seems to affect your mood.

He’d probably really enjoy the fact that your wedding outfits reveal the midriff if you wear a lehenga. For each function that you wear one or even a sari, he probably really likes being able to feel your skin on his when he puts his arm around your waist.

Maybe if you decide to have a destination wedding in the house you rented, he shows up late at night at your door in a beige or black kurta that your mum made him wear, a few buttons undone from the top, hair a little messy

He was up with your male family members playing antakshari.

If it’s in India, he takes you to a late night drive to eat ice cream.

You introduce him to paan and chai.

You threaten him that if he ever calls chai, chai tea, you will divorce him. He swore he would never mispronounce a single thing again.

When you get back it’s dark and late enough that no one else is awake, he quietly slips into your room as you both try to take in the last few days, barely having a moment to yourselves, as he just stays there and holds you until you drift off to sleep and when you do, he gives you a kiss on the forehead before slipping back into his room.

Then when it comes to him trying to find his name in your hands, it takes him time but he finds it hiding in the side of your pinky, because when you are nervous you hold onto each other’s pinky’s in a crowded room. It was a small thing you guys used to do before you had started dating.

If you've hidden his call sign as well, he finds it immediately but takes his name pretending like he didn’t see it just to play with your hands longer.

Yours is hidden in a kaleidoscope of stars and things he’s got on his palms and wrists, it’s in a moon shaped piece that has another thing written under it “mera chaand”

Phoenix shows up in the most stunning outfits and turns out she has dressed up every single one of the dagger boys.

It came as a surprise to you when she helped you with your jewelry, having known about many uncommon things about the certain things you were putting on.

She manages to take the boys away from you as you are getting ready for your main ceremony.

You both keep a Polaroid of the two of you getting ready, hair and makeup done, mehendi pristine, bangles on, jewelry pretty much all on and your outfits are on the hangers. Standing with arms around each other in tank tops and shorts and it’s the funniest sight. It's a memory you’ll cherish forever with your best friend.

Dude can you just imagine Javy, Rooster, Mickey and Reuben all lifting the kids at the wedding in the air and pretending like they’re flying fighter jets.The kids are just like “I love Reuben uncle!” And “Jake maamaji is my favorite”.

Phoenix teaches the girls how to fight, defend themselves and kick the boys in the balls.

They manage to experiment their kicks on the squad and even though the girls don’t hurt them enough, they pretend to topple over in faux pain until Phoenix hits Rooster in the balls and he actually does double over in pain as everyone around him just laughs it off. He tries to smile through the pain for the sake of the kids but Phoenix knows that she hurt him where it hurts. All the kids think it’s hilarious because they think it’s fake and Rooster is just trying to smile through the pain.

After the wedding ceremony everyone’s making jokes about how y’all are probably going to get it on but you’re both so tired that you just fall asleep.

Not to mention the fact that he will help you take off your jewelry.

He counts the huge amount of bobby pins in your hair, the pile is bigger than your head.

His eyes are wide by the time he is done taking out the last one.

“Do you have anything else hiding in your skull somewhere? How did your head not fall?”

“Yeah now you wonder why I’m so tired, I’m carrying twice my heads normal weight”

He’s just shocked but damn he is proud of you and probably does a hands down thing after you pile up your outfit, heels and everything and make him pick it up.

He groans at the weight of it because it is just so heavy.

“Babe, how were you walking in this? Are you goddamn bodybuilder?”

“Damn, Jake, I thought you navy officers were strong. Cant even carry a dress??” Him glaring at you playfully.

“I am Mrs. Seresin now, aren’t I? So that automatically makes me strong, like your mom.”

Him melting at that…

He will not stop referring to you as Mrs. Seresin for ages.

You both lay down and just take in the past few days.

He says “goodnight Mrs seresin”. You both just let yourselves fall asleep in like oversized shirts and underwear because you’re too tired to find anything else. Wedding clothes left on the floor.

Maybe you end up getting shared last names, and you correct him that “it's Seresin-L/n”

The next day you choose to have that little western wedding party reception.

And he didn’t know what you were going to wear so when he sees you in a white wedding dress he loses his mind.

Maybe it's Vivienne Westwood (rest in peace queen), bonus points if it’s his moms dress.

Mrs Sersin loves you, and seeing you make her son so happy, just fulfills her life mission.

You look angelic in it

and then midway you might change into a more traditional one

You remember when he had teased you about how when he gets married he’d take the Garter off with his teeth like some people do and I feel like even if he didn’t, he’d tickle up your leg a little as he took it off with his hands.

He lets his hands roam around a little longer than needed, definitely announcing that he can’t feel it until he disappears under your dress. He has is in his mouth as he reappears from under your dress, secretly giving it a sniff before tugging it into his pocket.

You get so flustered because your mother and his parents were there too.

Your father would be so mad, as most asian dads would be in this situation.

Jake's mom might spontaneously combust; “Doesn’t this boy feel embarrassed?”

and the aunties will go feral. You don’t even care though because you’re way too in love with the man in front of you.

You cut cake and toss the bouquet

Rooster just cuts through- like the diva he is and catches it.

Maybe giving it to your sister that he’s been eyeing…

And everyone just tells stories from them about how you made naval aviators fall in love with the brown women in your family.

Like it all started there for everyone.

You and Jake take total credit for all the matches that were made.

Even phoenix, she saw your distant cousin that she got along with when your wedding ceremonies started and as she gets to know her; you stumble upon them on the rooftop on a late night, wrapped up in each others arms, a blanket around the two of them

Bonus points if you and Jake caught them there together and you all agree to just never mention it because you two weren’t supposed to be there either.

You didn’t even know the girl swinged that way but seeing Phoenix follow her around like a puppy dog has you feeling good about your best friend.

The food, omg, okay. So in your 5 year long relationship, you have never seen him enjoy pani puri as much as you do at your own wedding. He happily ate them whenever you went out to eat at an indian restaurant or made him eat Lamb Karahi (for my pakistani girls out there), he ate it with a smile on his face, yet all he can feel is his mouth gong numb at the spices.

But now, he is just gobbling them down. The shocking part? He’s eating them with the spicy water

You’re shocked because he can handle more spice than you, somehow.

He manages to not throw up later that night, because he usually used to get an upset stomach during your last trip to South Asia.

When you mention it he’s like “baby you know I like it spicy”

Every daal or butter chicken or biryani that is brought to the table doesn't last for more than 5 minutes on the table, mostly eaten by him.

When you taste the things yourself, the spice is there but he hasn’t picked up his glass of water to take a single sip.

When you look at him, He just shrugs and says “I’m hungry” while you’re already reaching for water now and again

Rooster and Javy are borderline crying, and you keep giving them dahi.

The moans Jake is letting out just be eating the daal and roti has you choking on your food.

Even Phoenix can handle her spice but Jake is surpassing that level and your mom is impressed to say the least.

Rooster’s in awe, watching hangman eat straight spicy biryani

Oh Rooster,

Imagine Rooster giving the bouquet to your sister though, like that man has been following her around the entire the wedding ceremonies, it makes you think of the classic tropes in Bollywood movies.

Then one night, you’re looking for your earring which you’re convinced you sister took, you walk into her room and he’s just there, minding his own business, chilling on his phone and he just jumps seeing you walk in trying to explain that they haven't done anything besides hang out while leaving room for jesus. Its the funniest sight as your sister suppresses her giggles.

He is doing this one performance with her, where she throws the flower at his ass as part of the act.

Even Jake doesn’t realize that Rooster is involved with your sister until he sees her slingshot the flower and wink at Rooster, which has him blushing- hard.

You’re grinning from ear to ear because you know and Jake just turns to you and is like “are you seeing what I’m seeing?” And you’re just sitting there, smirking.

Jake is a softie and if you’re Punjabi, you have to wear a red set of bangles after the wedding as a sign of being a newlywed woman.

According to tradition you need to keep it on until you have kids or like at least for a year.

It’s not even a year after your marriage that jake comes home to find your wrists empty of the beloved bangle set he’s so used to. Oh.

He knows what it means, your mother had filled him in on this Rasam as well when he was told he wasn't allowed to see you until the day of your wedding.

The empty wrists has him staring, and he’s dying to ask whether you took it off because of discomfort or that there is bigger news behind it.

After an hour of pondering he gives up his patience and asks you.

“Jaan? Where’s the Chura?” “Oh, I was waiting until later to tell you this but…”

You drag him to the nearest seat, sitting him down as you sit opposite, burying your hands into your cardigan pocket and around the plastic stick that felt a little too heavy now that you were face to face with him.

This is what you had been trying for, it's good news. The warmth in his eyes encourages you to let it be, that this was the right time.

you place the pregnancy test in front of him, he picks it up to inspect as his face lights up with joy that you had only seen the day you got married. In a flurry, he just picks you up and spins you around. You're screeching for him to put you down but he refuses, burying his face into your stomach as you laugh.

When he does put you down, he makes you sit on the couch with him as he bends down to your stomach; “Hey there champ, you gonna give your ma trouble for the next few months huh? ”

Your pregnancy was hectic to say the least. A few weeks after you announced it, Jake was deployed, thankfully he got home just in time to help you through the last five months of it.

Your cravings consisted of kheer and achar mixtures and a bunch of other weird foods that you forced him to make.

As tradition asks, he took you to your parents’ house as you approached the end of your pregnancy. You ate every single dish your mum presented you with.

The delivery was tough as most are, he was there to support you through it.

You're pretty sure you cussed him out in your mother tongue multiple times.

Just like that your beautiful daughter was born.

She is absolutely beautiful and all Jake wants to do is protect the two of you from the world, his two best girls.

A few months into parenting has the two of you exhausted to say the least. Your parents come over all the time, you siblings try and teach the infant words that you’re pretty sure she cannot pronounce at this age.

But before she turns a year old, you mimic the sounds of your mother to try and teach her to say “Maa”

To which Jake tries to teach her to say “papa/baba”, that has your heart melting when you stumble upon the two of them eating and him repeating “baba” to her.

Taglist:

@jaaneymann @love-strawberry @shurisneakers @we-out-here-simping @brekkers-desigirl @happypopcornprincess @tongue-like-a-razor @bussyslayer333 @blue-aconite @littlebadariell @ravenhood2792 @dempy @crthurston @fandomunite2107 @fandom-life-12 @elicheel @arson-tm @startrekfangirl2233 @roosterbruiser @roostersrooster @whoreforseresin @desert-fern

[frodo-with-glasses]

More Reading Thoughts: The Steward and the King

New chapter, let’s go!

Dude Eowyn chill out lol

Eowyn: “I’m bummed because I tried to commit sudoku and it didn’t work.” Faramir: “Please don’t do that. You’re too pretty to die. But hey, if it makes you feel any better, we all might die anyway, so you might as well rest up if you wanna be able to fight.” Eowyn: “But they want me to stay in bed. And my window doesn’t look eastward :’-C” Faramir: “Oh! I can fix that! :-D”

AND NOW MERRY AND FARAMIR GET TO CHAT!! DUDE!!

First Bergil, and now Faramir!! This just in: All of Pippin’s friends eventually become Merry’s friends. When am I gonna get my scene with Beregond and Merry, huh??

(I probably won’t but a girl can dream)

Tbh I think the Warden ships Farawyn

Faramir: “I’mma give you my dead mom’s cloak ‘cause it’s beautiful and sad like you”

Faramir: “Man, it’s been great hanging out with you. I really hope the world doesn’t end now, ‘cause I don’t want to lose this.” Eowyn, a genius: “This what?”

This whole scene plays out like a cheesy Bollywood movie. It’s so over-the-top. I love it X’-D

And then everybody MAGICALLY STARTS SINGING AT ONCE

“And his duty was to prepare for one who would replace him” 👀 John the Baptist is that you??

And here we see the healing power of love *throws confetti*

YOOOOOOO WE GET MORE GONDORIAN MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS WAIT

Okay so we have trumpets, bells, harps, viols, flutes, and horns listed so far. I’m gonna want to answer that ask more thoroughly at some point won’t I?? ‘Cause I have didn’t have this information before but NOW I DO

Heyyy there’s somebody named Hurin! Hopefully his life has been better than the original one

(I can’t imagine naming your kid after someone who’s best known for having a son with the Worst Life Ever. Like, okay, sassing Morgoth to his face is pretty cool, but is it worth it?? Is it really?? Like the only thing worse would actually be naming your kid Turin. … They’ve done that too, haven’t they?)

ELFHELM!!!

ELFHELM SURVIVED!!

ELFHELM OF DAD JOKES I LOVE YOU

Hahaha hi Ioreth

“They are dear friends, I hear.” HECK YES THEY ARE

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW RIGHT YOU ARE IORETH

Listen one of my favorite tropes is when people in-universe acknowledge the bromance as An Official ThingTM, so this is PEAK. THANK YOU TOLKIEN

Faramir: “I give you my stick.” Aragorn: “No u”

Goodness GRACIOUS that is a whole paragraph of titles for Aragorn. What the heck. Who is it in my notes that always tags Aragorn as “local man has too many names, local authorities report” because you are RIGHT

“Now according to tradition, he should take the crown from his father, but given that his father didn’t have the crown and is also very much dead—”

Faramir: “I give you the crown” Aragorn: “NO U”

And now Frodo does the task of a ring-bearer in an actual wedding, which is to carry the shiny thing to somebody so they can give it to somebody else

“HEY! LET’S HEAR IT FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA!”

Woohoo King Aragorn!

WAIT

HOLD UP

‘ITS GATES WERE WROUGHT OF MITHRIL AND STEEL’??

YOOOOOO!! That’s a 100% METAL DOOR!! In a MEDIEVAL SETTING!! Even WE don’t have huge metal doors for most things, and we’re in the modern age!

First of all, imagine how shiny! Secondly, IMAGINE HOW FREAKIN’ SCI-FI—

BEREGOOOOOOOOND

HELLO MY BOO I’VE MISSED YOU

“And the king said to Beregond: ‘Beregond…’”

Pffft

I must be slaphappy, ‘cause for some reason I find his name being written twice in a row to be very funny

Aragorn: “Okay so you’re not in trouble, but you’re also not allowed to be a Guard of the Citadel anymore.” Beregond: “😨☹️😭” Aragorn: “…Because you’re gonna work FOR FARAMIR! GET PROMOTED ON, IDIOT!!” Beregond: “😧 … 🤩🥳🎉🎊🎈”

Aww haha Aragorn and Eomer hug X-D

Eowyn, to Faramir: “I’ll be back later, I promise.” Eomer, probably: “👀😨😡”

Aragorn: “Pls stick around, friends, I love you guys”

Frodo: “Pippin, you were wrong, Gandalf is keeping secrets again.” Gandalf: “excuse”

Aragorn, excitedly: “LE GASP!! A TREE!!”

Okay so lemme get this straight: Aragorn wasn’t allowed to marry Arwen until he found a tree??

Right. Okay. 🤣🤣🤣

I’m sure this is very symbolically important and whatever but it’s almost 3 AM and I just think it’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all night

GLORFINDELLLLLL

GLORFINDEL HI!!

I’VE MISSED YOU FRIEND!!! 8-D

I guess all these other elves are here too but I don’t really care ROFLOL

This chapter really is the epitome of Tolkien going “oh shoot I guess I’d better include some romance in here huh”

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

hello hello hello Jalebi! And I’m sorry it was really weird of me to not say hello in my previous ask :((

In context with the same (ask), I really loved that you pointed out all the scenes with the song, and how it impacted the whole story build up. Yk, Before watching ipkknd, I went through a whole phase of watching the ‘realistic’ romance movies in Hollywood. The ones that make the viewers relate with the protagonists, because we’ve all been heartbroken in some point of our lives, and that all romances do not end up in happily ever afters. The before trilogy, 500 days of summer, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, normal people and many more. My perspective on love and romance changed completely over the past 2-3 years, and it kind of was good because I got familiar with the real picture. (I grew up watching bollywood films and read wattpad as a teenager, which was obviously, really like a strawberry-duniya) But now, I’m finding myself again going back to my childhood dreams and fantasies, like love is ‘meant to be’, or ‘true romance is aided by the divine’, ‘the red string theory’ and something of that sort. I’m scared that this might end up making me feel that ‘realistic love’ is inadequate. I have fallen in love with the way romance and love has been portrayed in ipkknd, and I don’t think i am getting over it anytime soon.

Hello hello,

Omgh Anon please don't worry - I wasn't in the best mood either!

Ok, time for Jalebi to crack her knuckles and give a drop of two of reality sweetness and advice.

Romance is really about the way you feel. The way you imagine it to be. There's nothing ever right or wrong about the way romance works because there's no one way to define this notion of romance.

You see the best way to understand this is to really understand the way IPK showed how Arnav and Khushi experienced romance.

For Khushi always believed in what films and books sold her - she believed romance to be flowers, stars, seeing the person everywhere and so on and so forth. Thus when she fell for Arnav, she literally felt all this because this is how she was conditioned and believed romance would be.

Arnav, pragmatic in nature, truly never believed in the commercialized version of romance. What he did believe in was care being romance. He did NOT believe in Anjali's definition of romance. What he did believe is what he saw between Anjali and Shyam. The fact that his sister, so deep in love, cannot function if her beloved is in danger. She has a strong physiological response to Shyam. And Arnav does believe Anjali loves Shyam and vice versa. He does not believe love making the heart go fast, but he is aware of how an extreme emotion can affect the body. So the night he understands love (which he has been questioning for some time now) he realizes his care for Khushi was exaggerated, he collapsed at the thought of her harm and his extreme physiological reaction - racing heartbeats to restlessness - it's all due to and for Khushi, leaves him in a sombre realization.

The point here being you can never point out which version of romance is more accurate cause even if fiction, people feel love differently even for the most basic things.

If you are a romantic at heart and now believe larger than life things - from fate to God - play a role at romance, then even the most realistic thing like the person you like dabbing away your snotty nose during a cold will feel like the MOST romantic thing in the planet. You will see fate in this, you will feel the violins.

But if you're a realist at heart, then even at the most GRAND entry of your crush - helicopter and all - you will see the smallest things that matter to you. Such a small smile your hero throws your way before he goes for his day.

What we must understand though is that situations don't lead to love. Your feels and circumstances are two very separate things. I, at one point, used to believe that "Oh I'd get great love only if I go through the intense difficulty and push pull and fight with destiny"

Now that is a problem because a lot of the circumstances in IPKKND are best left to fiction. If realistic love doesn't appeal to you on screen - totally makes sense, heck I'm always down for grander schemes of love ON screen.

But in real life, it's really the realistic love that leaves you with the joy the grander shows love. It's the green flags, the safety, security and just goodness of it all that's really appealing.

Trust me when I say this, an honest intelligent conversation has had my heart racing faster than being backed into a wall 'a la Khushi'.

And the human mind is such, it can frame events into your head based on your definition of romance.

If I'm a hardcore romantic, then I will find divinity in reality and if I'm a realistic I will find realism in divinity. Because when I'm liking someone, I'm trying to find WHAT appeals to me.

And one really important thing to realize is that fate does NOT dictate one to be in your life when they're causing you grief. IPKKND is written as a romance that was not meant to have happened.

If you get an ASR - run. If you get a Khushi - run as well. One is too egoistic and the other is too idealistic.

Also realism does not mean passionless or things not being fated. It just shows you multiple other perspectives can happen. Yes, there's a certain escapism in these fantasy stories, but I also believe remarkable things can happen to absolutely ordinary people as well.

And you don't have to get over IPKKND at all - enjoy the vibes, enjoy the feels. Don't idealize the situations that Arnav and Khushi faced to get to love, but definitely idealize the power in their love.

Love's power is universal.

Love love love,

Jalebi

P.S: Talking about realism, it is interesting to note that the second time Khushi actually falls for Arnav (not infatuation) is when the littlest things happen.

A box of bangles cause her previous one broke, assisting her in serving the guests cause the waiters ditched on her, or simply telling her that the saree she chose first was the better one.

Nothing remarkable at ALL and this is as realistic as love gets, and as beautiful too.

The grand gestures of dance, kiss and mehendi's 'A' make her uncomfortable. His soft smile and showing up, personally, to her house in the morning is what touches her.

[lildoodlenoodle]

Gwen Rant Below

‘Did Gwen hook up with Hobie’ that ‘ was she leading miles on’ this. THE GIRL WAS HOMELESS. OMG what. She literally says to Miles ‘oh yea Hobie let’s me crash in his dimension sometimes’ BECAUSE SHES HOMELESS. And when she got defensive during the collider fight scene about her toothbrush and stuff being at Hobie’s, it wasn’t because she was trying to hide a relationship, she’s hiding the fact that she’s no longer living with her dad from Miles.

Miles still DOES NOT KNOW her situation. Because she chose not to tell him. It’s also why she told him not to tell his parents he’s Spider-Man. Because like Miles’ dad, her dad is a cop and when her dad found out he held up a gun at her. Like it’s fine if you ship something, I don’t care, but understand she was most likely staying at Hobie’s because Hobie knows what it is like to not have a home. Of course he’s going to take her in. That means in no way she is SLEEPING WITH HIM.

A lot of people are getting so hung up on the love triangle/love rivalry thing, that wasn’t really anything concrete in the movie, that they are missing key parts of their relationships. Because largely, like the Miles catching Gwen poster, the love triangle was played up for advertisements. The only one that really keeps it going in movie is Pav(who watches too many Bollywood romances(I love him tho)) and Miles’ very short little stint of jealousy that quickly died.

If anyone has been homeless as a teen or had a friend who was homeless as a teen you know your friends come together to support that person, or at least they should(every situations different). Even if it’s just making sure the person has food or a couch to sleep on for a couple of days, rotating between friends and working together to do adult things as teenagers. Maybe this just hits too close to home for me, cause I really do see myself and especially some of my friends in Gwen and her story.

There are a lot of reasons to be homeless as a teen. I mean most queer kids at one point or another have had to at least think about the possibility of getting kicked out if your parents found out. And something makes me really upset at the fact that we have this homeless queer coded teenager, staying with a friend, leaving their stuff at the friends’ place, and borrowing their clothes. Then a bunch of people immediately assume they’re sleeping together. Please understand why I am getting so upset about this.

Hobie has canonically been homeless as a teenager. He would understand how vulnerable Gwen is right now, of course he would take her in and of course he wouldn’t sleep with her and take advantage of her while she was actively relying on him for a place to live. He quite literally stuck around in the spider society FOR HER, cause he knows she’s being taken advantage of by Jessica and Miguel. Like ship what you ship I don’t care, but please have some awareness when talking about Gwen’s story.

[geek-and-destroy]

'Progressive' hindu nationalists - why are they Like That?

Tomorrow is the 26th of January, the 74th Republic Day in India - the day the Indian constitution was formalized and adopted. I thought i'd mourn my fast-fading nationalism on this occasion by kinda airing out some bullshit and starting a political longpost, which is always a good idea right? right???

Since about the end of last year, I've seen some blogs on here that define themselves around hindutva - hindu nationalism, the idea that India is a hindu nation and must abandon its secular status. Any leftie/liberal with any awareness of the news will know their rhetoric is bullshit. Anyone who isn't really aware of Indian religious dynamics would know to spot their Islamophobia from a mile away, because seriously, the discourse is Ben Shapiro levels of bad.

The most egregious of these include hindulivesmatter, rhysaka, yato-dharmasto-jaya, vindhyavasini and others. Basically a small hindu nationalist clique. They're actually not that big a deal even on this hellsite, but they keep annoyingly popping up to start firebrand arguments under posts. But they're not uncommon in the real world. In fact, i think the majority of the Indian urban youth is Like That - anti-homophobia, anti-misogyny, theoretically anti-islamophobia, the same general left-leaning values associated with Gen Z; but with a weird blind spot when it comes to the fascist decline of their own country.

These users are not too different from TERFs, with their couching of hate in progressive, tumblr-social-justice language. There's been a lot of discourse around why TERFs are the way they are, why their otherwise feminist and progressive values eventually shatter in favour of their hate. I want to do something similar for hindutva tumblr, because i see in it a newer kind of hindu nationalist aggression, yet one that i am very familiar with, as an urban upper-middle-class Indian born into a Marathi Hindu family.

The main question i want to answer is this: why does someone espousing dire Islamophobic rhetoric also sincerely believe in progressive ideas? Why do they not see the contradictions? To do that, we need a little primer in post-independence Indian history.

So, it's often said that Indian democracy was not handed to us; this is not only in the sense that we had to fight for our freedom against the Brits, but also in the sense that there were long deliberations on the exact type of republic we wanted to be. The constitution was drafted, finalized and adopted a full three years after the Brits left. This framing of a philosophical struggle stayed on, throughout the tumult of the following decades.

This is how the modern Indian is taught about our history: Several riots, the Emergency in the 70s, the wars with Pakistan and China, the formation of Bangladesh, the victory at the cricket world cup, the Cold War international policy of non-alignment, the Green Revolution, all of these are presented through a frame of struggle, with the Kargil War and the 1991 liberalization being the point of stabilization. The median citizen of 1971 was politically aware and politically involved. That of 2001 was most likely not. At least, that's the narrative of capitalism in the country. This narrative of a 50-year prolonged post-independence struggle is why Indian nationalism is so potent, even outside of the newer Hindu fascist rhetoric. We've got a very intense sense of national pride. I'm guilty of it myself.

In 1991, the economy was opened up to multinational corporations and eventually led to the formation of an Indian petit bourgeois. The period from 1991 to roughly 2011 is seen as a period of idyllic peace much like the Clinton administration in the US. Culturally, this was the time of the Bollywood masala movie - light, apolitical and all about a big Hindu joint family that preaches benevolent unity of all religions. But the thing that was never mentioned in these movies was caste - an elephant in the room that i haven't addressed yet. Just like the 'default' US Culture is white suburban christian, the default culture here is upper caste middle-class hindu. The aforementioned rise of the middle class was largely along caste lines. Households in the US have microcultures along ethnic lines, and they can be similarly mapped in India through caste and religion.

The Indian equivalent of the megachurch pastor is the ruling BJP's paramilitary parent organization, the RSS, as well as others like the Vishwa Hindu Parishad, the Karni Sena, etc - organizations that normal people largely didn't agree with but whose values and morals were ingrained in their subconscious. The apolitical Hindu in like 2004 did not believe, like the RSS does, that India should be a Hindu nation; but he (i use 'he' here because male tends to be default in this case, and that's a whole different conversation) did believe in the greatness of traditions, the Indian armed forces and in ancient Hindu scientific supremacy (which at the time was limited to Aryabhatta's zero and the actual progress in the sciences from ancients like Charaka and Sushruta to more modern ones like Ramanujan and CV Raman - it hadn't gone into cuckoo fantasy land yet, where we showhow had stem cell research and aeroplanes in ancient India and the Ramayana is apparently actual history now). To this person, Savarkar was an icon of the freedom struggle along with others like Gandhi, Bose, Ambedkar, etc, but he didn't know or care about his religio-fascist ideology. Fascist elements existed then and had their pockets of support - the Shiv Sena in Maharashtra, Modi's CM-hood in Gujarat, and the first BJP national administration came up during this time. To the normal citizen, they were simply extremists with 'some good points'.

2008 was the year of the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai. Islamophobia didn't fully enter Indian discourse just yet, largely because of the assertion of the city's multicultural identity, but the seeds were certainly sown. In fact, blatant Islamophobia wouldn't be mainstream till 2016 or so - the BJP's 2014 election was won on middle-class concerns. The petit bourgeois finally made its voice heard politically in the 2011 anti-corruption protests spearheaded by Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal, the latter of whom is the founder of the newest major political party in the country. It's typical of protests of this kind, agitating against a vague idea of corruption with not many tangible demands. It is true that by 2011, the Congress government was notoriously bloated, corrupt and ineffectual at a systemic level. The BJP gained a single-party majority on an anti-corruption and pro-welfare platform, with religion not really a factor.

The middle class celebrated this as an ultimate affirmation of their hegemony, and the RSS-derived values kicked into high gear. The celebrations have now become a gloat-fest, kinda like vindicated Marvel fans when their Disney product makes a bajillion dollars. The best example of this is the Ram Mandir inauguration earlier this week. Modi cultivated an image of a messiah figure who could do no wrong. Anyone who opposed their goals is now an anti-national and a traitor. General attitudes as a whole have grown a lot more bloodthirsty and carceral. Propaganda, degradation of public discourse, weakening of the media and public institutions, the whole gamut.

The people running the above-mentioned blogs are quite representative of this demographic. They probably fully believe what they spout. They fully believe that Hindus and Hinduism are under threat in India, that love jihad ("forced conversion") is a real thing, that Islamists are taking over their nation, and even that Hindus have been 'sleeping' and are just now being 'woken up'. At the same time, they believe in socially progressive values. The supposedly pro-LGBT+ and pro-feminist stances taken by the RSS are very much targeted at urban Hindus, not at the West as PR.

The propaganda directed at them (which includes movies, social media and tragically, many news outlets) often appeals to the traditional acceptance of queer individuals in mythological texts to get straight, cis, sheltered urban Hindus of all ages to reconcile bigotries and get on board the hate train. It is often in a comparative frame, juxtaposed with the bigotry in Islamic or Christian texts and historical persecution in the West (btw, the term acceptance is very loose here, they often equate mention of a thing with acceptance of that thing even if it's derogatory. Ancient hindu culture only 'accepted' trans women, and that was a marginalized acceptance at best).

The RSS often preaches that Hinduism is the religion of tolerance, and advocates for a twisted version of the tolerance paradox. It's reached a level where propaganda doesn't have to be deliberate - the citizens will do it for them. These blogs are true believers despite the contradictions, but their online activity is probably a deliberate form of praxis, with the co-opting of social justice vocab and appealing to white/western/Indian expat guilt etc. So yes, very much like TERFs, except that TERFs are an actual minority whereas Hindutva ideology is increasingly the default 'apolitical' belief. The reactionary internalization has been successful.

Tl;dr: people like hindulivesmatter are sincere in their bigotry towards Muslims as well as their progressive beliefs, because Indian culture as a whole oriented itself towards appealing to the urban upper caste middle class.

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

I saw one of my friends repost your aro-ace comment on Instagram about how we, as a society, put emphasis on family and relationships ahead of friendships… (it was about a reddit thread) and it kind of makes me wonder why we, as a society, put so much emphasis on relationships? I feel like the need to find, have, and keep a partner is so strong in our society that it seems to me that it certainly contributes heavily to the rampant issues of misogyny in our culture. Incel culture, for instance, is centered around the idea of being able to have a partner - just look at their name, involuntary celibate.

I’m no student of psychology, so I don’t really know what I’m talking about and I’m speaking out of my ass. But your text post really got me thinking about that - I just wanted to know your thoughts? Do you think we, as a society, value friendship enough?

I cannot believe that post broke containment!

You're absolutely right about it contributing to misogyny, and that's an excellent point about incel culture. There's also this whole spinster vs bachelor idea that has been discussed for ages - how single women are considered 'sad' if they are unmarried but single men are sometimes considered to be 'too wild to be tamed or tied down' if they are unmarried. And even that is only not sad if they are sleeping around a lot - which then also contributes to incel culture. That is a super interesting avenue of thought - thanks for bringing it up!

I have been thinking on your question for a while, and while I'm absolutely no expert either, I do have some thoughts.

I think within societies, friendship is valuable when you're young.

Now, before I explain this, I'd like to preface by saying that I am generalising here and will use examples of Western (and Indian) media to explain my point but different countries/cultures do have different views on friendships, families, romantic relationships, etc. so there is always a cultural nuance to these things that I won't be getting into in my response.

Getting back to the point at hand, I think friendships are important for the young. I remember a quote by the creators of the TV show Friends about how they wanted to write a show about 'the time in your life when friendships are your family.' There is the implication that friendships are your family when you're 'too old' to be close to your parents but 'too young' to have a family of your own. Aka your early twenties. I believe this is a mentality that is perpetuated by many other movies and shows, but must also clearly be reflecting the way a lot of relationships work in Western countries because these movies and shows are made to be relatable to the general masses.

Media about friendships revolve around how valuable and important friendships are (Friends, Will & Grace, Sex and the City, etc.) but they all end the same way - with everyone pairing up and starting families to denote a “happy ending” and 'moving on' to adulthood. If there is anyone not paired up at the end, the audience consensus is generally that it's really sad that they didn't find anyone, even if they end up with professional success or are otherwise happy.

In Indian media, romance is important but equal to family (parents specifically). In Indian culture, many times family (parents) is more important than romance. Friendships, however, always seem to be second tier. Even Bollywood movies about friendships (Dil Chahta Hai, Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai etc.) are all still primarily about finding the great romantic love of your life. And many of the main conflicts of Bollywood films are about the family and romantic partners clashing - friendships aren't even generally considered important enough to be a factor that provides conflict, many times because it doesn't affect your future at all.

While there is a difference between relationship hierarchies in Indian and American media (and cultures), it seems like the one thing they agree on is that friendships are not as important as romance.

But we've all met those people who are reluctant to get into romantic relationships because they don’t want to ruin friendships, so there is a pervading idea that friendships are important! Sometimes more than romance! But it's an idea that people out grow in their mid-twenties, and eventually the implication is that once you get a 'lifelong' partner - who is always a romantic partner - they take precedence and the friendships become second tier. This change seems to happen with age and is not considered sad because everyone follows the same life trajectory! Right?

But for everyone who doesn't want to or can't have a future that revolves around a romantic partner, there’s also a big question mark when you try to imagine the future. Because suddenly friendships aren't the most important thing anymore.

So in a general sense, I do think people value friendships... at a certain age. But I think it is considered to be a temporary phase. The question I want to ask is why? Why can't we put more emphasis on building communities instead of just structuring futures around a romantic partner? Why can't the communities involve relationships that aren't just romantic and/or familial? Sure it works for some people, but it also doesn't work for a lot of other people.

And it's not just about aspecs either. It's also about people who've been in abusive relationships, people who's spouses leave them after marriage, people who simply just don't want a traditional family set-up (see Shonda Rhimes, for example), etc. We need alternative options! That doesn't necessarily mean friendships are the solution, but I think they could be one of the solutions. Why can't a Friends-esque situation be the future - with someone living in the same building with several of their best friends, all of them helping each other out? Why can't someone just decide they want to live with their parents with both parties taking care of each other? Why isn't just having kids without having a romantic partner seen as something normal? Why can't we return to community based systems where the whole 'village' helps each other out with all the activities needed to keep life going smoothly?

[wqnwoos]

tagged by the wonderful @eoieopda to do my lasts & currents 💗

last song: girl by the internet (ft. kaytranada). had this song on repeat for sooo long 😭

last movie: the three idiots! rewatched it yesterday. bollywood movies are just a different breed.

currently reading: completely opposite to jade, who tagged me, i’m reading about six things at once 😭 the testaments (margaret atwood), upstream (mary oliver), a thousand mornings (mary oliver), lady susan (jane austen), frankenstein (mary shelley), as well as the infinity between us (n.s. perkins) — but i’m about to dnf this one 🫠

currently watching: my name! currently on ep 5. also considering starting summer strike bc someone i know recommended it and i trust their taste.

current obsession: nothing really! i don’t have time for obsessions i am just trying my hardest to get through each day without crying right now 😵‍💫

tagging: @ikigaisvt @rubyreduji @blue-jisungs @wheeboo @etherealyoungk & anyone else who wants to do it! just say i tagged you❣️