#am i reading too much into this? probably but i don't care

[ihavethedreamies]

Versace Royal | Hyunjin

Hwang Hyunjin - Stray Kids

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: ~4.3k

Pairing: Idol! Hyunjin x Idol! Older! AFAB! Reader

Genre: Request, Idolverse, Reader-Insert, Fluff, Smut

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Swearing, Kissing, Oral (M! Receiving), Shower Sex, Unprotected Sex (Not Recommended)

Summary: Hyunjin and you are both international ambassadors for Versace and the rumors are put to rest when you announce you are both officially dating at a Versace event.

Author's Note: Got a request for this! I'm so happy that one of you liked my stuff enough to want me to write something for you!

Also I am working on the historical AU still, but I'm low-key working for my uncle doing something so...

P.S. I would have had this done and up earlier today, but I had to watch the Chiefs game even though I only watch for Pacheco (#10) and he got a broken leg.

Also, Winwin is in this! Just briefly, I like to wiggle him in where I can.

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

"Shit." You grumbled to yourself, looking in the mirror and scrubbing over your tooth with your finger to get the lipstick stain off.

"Here." Your stylist shuffled over to fix the error and as you held still for her, your eyes flitting over to Hyunjin. He was sitting in an armchair of the dressing room you two were assigned, scribbling on his tablet. He didn't have the jacket of his outfit on yet, sitting in just his tank top. Your eyes couldn't help but trace over his exposed arms, then back up to the slight furrow of his brow, the frown marring his beautiful face. Your stylist pulled back and she helped you get the dress you were to wear over the full-piece shapewear you had on.

"You don't need this you know." Your stylist whispered and you shrugged.

"I just wear it like a slip, I can't risk someone else trying to shoot up my skirt again." You looked at yourself in the mirror, not really loving your hair. It was pulled back into a tight low ponytail, and it made your facial features look too harsh.

"Sorry." The other woman whispered as she touched up your makeup. Your eyes flitted to Hyunjin again, his hair slicked back in a similar manner, but it looked good on him.

"Uh." His voice brought your attention back to him from your reflection in the mirror, a ding coming from his tablet.

"What?" You didn't bother hiding the apprehension in his voice.

"People already know we're here together." He sighed and you rolled your eyes so hard you worried you messed up your mascara.

"Not too surprising, we were on the same plane." You shook your head and when it was determined you were ready, the stylist moved on to Hyunjin.

"I don't wanna~" He whined, begrudgingly getting up from the armchair to sit at the vanity. As he shuffled toward you, you smiled at his bored look.

"Hold on." He paused you and so you halted, and he brushed something off the shoulders of your dress, then ran his hand over your smoothed hair.

"Careful, someone might think we're dating." You tried to hide your smile.

"We are dating." His deadpan tone nearly made you ruin your lipstick, but you halted your mouth before you stuck your tongue out like you had planned. Taking his place in the armchair, you couldn't help but glance at his still-on tablet. The article was open, and the title made you sigh.

"The Prince and Princess of Versace?" It seemed the name had left the K-Fanbase and had spread to even the international fashion press. It made you two seem more like brother and sister if you were the 'heirs' of Versace though. The article was topped with a picture of both of you with Donatella, but you two weren't in matching clothes in that one like you would be that day. Clicking your tongue, you grabbed the device and were about to look and see if there were any more articles, but you noticed his drawing app open. Looking up at him glaring at himself in the mirror, setting his intense expression for the night, you opened it, the image making you coo.

"You're drawing me?" You laughed at the glare he sent to you then.

"I always draw you." Hyunjin huffed and you giggled, wiggling in your chair and continuing to look at the news. Finding another article along the same lines, you drifted down to the comments, and your heart fell. Not only were there a bunch of his fans bashing you for what seemed like just standing next to him, even your fans were being mean too.

'He doesn't deserve her. She should date an actor.'

'He's the tallest in SKZ, but she still doesn't have to wear heels with him.'

'There's tons of other celebs and models there she could get, why go for another idol? Take some steps up girl.'

"I'm suing." You sneered.

"Stop reading comments." Your boyfriend scolded and you sniffed but relented.

"Don't wrinkle that, please, (Y/N)." The stylist then scolded you as well and you adjusted your posture. A knock on the door prompted a grunt from the man and a hum from you and his manager poked his head in the room.

"Donatella wants a photoshoot before the event." He announced and you sighed. Made sense. Your stylist hurried up her task and you helped her adjust and tweak Hyunjin's outfit once he got it on.

"Careful, people might think you like me or something." He teased you and you pinched him through the fabric of his tank top, and he yelped, making you giggle.

"Well, maybe I do…"

"Don't kiss him!" The stylist snapped and you halted. Yeah, red on his mouth would be a little too obvious, and she would have to fix both of yours make up as well.

"If some influencer tries to flirt with you, I'm going to scream." He grumbled, face still close to yours, also a bit cranky he couldn't kiss you.

"Same. But we just pretend I don't know English." You shrug playfully.

"You spoke with Donatella in English in the last video, good luck with that." You swore under your breath, finally letting go of his jacket that's gold and black fabric matched your dress's. Moving to go around him and start to leave the dressing room, he grabbed your wrists, pulling you back to him.

"No, no, come here one sec." He hauled you even closer, pressing you to him, nose barely grazing yours. His eyes met yours and the sharp look made you swallow hard, and the corner of his mouth twitched before he controlled it.

"Don't fucking wrinkle it!" The stylist more or less pulled him away from you and ran her hands over both of your garments to make sure they were fine.

"Go, and don't stop in a closet on the way!" She shoved you both out to be led away by your managers.

~~~

"Can you put and rest your arm on her shoulder, like with your elbow bent?" The shoot director motioned and Hyunjin followed suit, his forearm laying on your shoulder.

"Good!" You were glad that modeling shoots didn't want you to smile like all the pictures your mother took when you went home for Chuseok. Having him lean a bit on you made it harder to balance your own pose, legs crossed, all weight laying on one leg. You were in short heels, but they were still thin, and it made it harder to stay steady. You were glad the company never wanted your group to dance in heels, but your group had a more badass concept most times and so you got to wear boots or even sneakers.

"Careful." Hyunjin whispered in your ear, feeling your body shake a bit and he relaxed the pressure he was putting on you. You both followed the prompts of the director while the photographer continued shooting.

"What if we go with the prince and princess idea?" Your eyes flitted to Donatella, urging her with your gaze to shut up. She smiled playfully and your nose twitched.

"Like?"

"Get that chair, no, the fancy one!" The designer herself motioned and some staff started to move in a black velvet chair, and she came onto the set. She sat in the chair and then the director got the hint. You both were directed to stand behind and to the side of the chair, your hands on the back, postures straight. Just like the heirs to a queen.

"You saw that article?" You asked her when the shoot was done, and she smiled.

"Let's get going to the event now, I can be late but you two can't." She left to attend to who knows what and you gave Hyunjin a look and he huffed a laugh.

"(Y/N), Hyunjin." Your manager waved you over, his was on the phone.

"What?" He had spoken in a hushed tone, so you did too.

"The company wants you to announce your relationship tonight. They want to get ahead of the rumors."

"Tonight?" You hissed. There was no time to prepare, and the comments were already tearing both of you to shreds. The older man shrugged and finally Hyunjin's manager got off the phone.

"We're going to work with a few reporters that are here for Korean magazines, and they'll do a more or less scripted interview quick and that'll be it." The other manager informed, and you nodded, feeling a bit less nervous. You looked at your boyfriend then and he didn't look fazed.

"What?" You were still whispering.

"Maybe then guys will leave you be?" He was obviously still upset about the influencer that was flirting with you at the last event.

"Are you intimidated by a TikTok model?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I don't like them trying to get you back to their hotel room."  He was talking a little louder than you really wished for him to be, but he was using Korean so…

"You're getting me back to your hotel room, though?" You sent him a coy look and he rolled his eyes.

"No, we're going separate, then using the little door that’s in between them." He wiggled his finger back and forth and you exhaled a laugh.

"Let's just go to the red carpet…shoot…place." What did you call a red carpet than had no carpet, let alone a red one?

~~~

You waited to go up to get your photo taken at the Versace logo wall they had set up outside the runway hall, taking the chance to look around at who else was there. You recognized only a few people, and your heart sank a little not seeing a very familiar face.

"I thought Sicheng said he's done Versace shows before…" You clicked your tongue crankily, a group of three was better than just you two. Especially since Winwin was already a friend.

"(Y/N)." Hyunjin's voice caught your attention, and you strode forward to join him at the logo. The official and press photographers took a few pics and then Hyunjin moved on so you could do the solo shots.

"They could've put her in something shorter." You heard a voice murmur from the next spot in line and you shot a side glance over to look. Some guys with too chiseled of features and too greasy hair. Just pretend you don't know English. Just because your last interview with the designer herself was in English didn't mean everyone had seen it. They were probably famous or something, but they weren't even in Versace, so they were just guests or something. After the photographers thanked you, you nodded a bow and moved on, trying not to dash over to your boyfriend.

"Stupid dudebros." You huffed, adjusting your ponytail back behind you instead of over your shoulder.

"How old are you, noona?" Hyunjin teased and you shot him a look that made him laugh.

"I'm only a few years older, shut up." You told him not to call you that after you started dating since the other boys but Chan and Minho did as well.

"What'd they say?"

"Thought my dress could be shorter."

"Surprised they weren't wanting to see your tits."

"What tits?" You huffed, starting to lead him toward the actual runway hall and he scoffed.

"Just cuz' you're not stacked like Jihyo-noona doesn't mean you have no boobs." He sniffed and you shook your head, finding your designated seats at the side of the runway and sitting down. You adjusted your dress and set the bag they gave you along with it in your lap, crossing your ankles to the side. Every time you sat like that you thought of the Princess Diaries movie.

"You would know."

"I would know."

"Do you have any idea what the reporters will ask?" You moved on, still speaking quietly despite using a language most people likely did not know.

"No." He shot you a soft glance, "don't worry, we'll handle it together."

Through the fashion show, you tried to look genuinely interested, brain still looping on the press interview later.

"Stop looping." Hyunjin bumped you with his elbow as there was a gap between models. You took a deep breath and then let it out, genuinely noting the fabric of the purple dress the next model had on.

~~~

"You're shaking." Hyunjin wanted to just wrap his arm around you, or hug you, he could tell you were getting anxious. Normally press interviews were fine, but you were normally with your group, and you weren't the leader, just the eldest.

"I know." You desperately wanted to bite your thumbnail, that at least eased the strain on your teeth of your clenched jaw. But you had fake nails on and couldn't ruin them. You two were waiting for the specified reporters to show up and you wanted to bury and hide in his chest but couldn't. Even after the announcement you couldn't, it was too brazen of an act. Like it was muscle memory, when the press showed up, your shaking stopped, and you adopted a more even facial expression.

"(Y/N), how do you feel about being called the Versace Princess?" First question. Of course. Your manager got a look, and he shrunk a bit and you put on a practiced smile.

"I can't complain being called a Princess." Good.

"Hyunjin?" Same thing.

"Not the first time I've been called a prince."

"You two are matching today, did you know you would be?" The reporter was still looking at him.

"Yes, but I think five other people have the same pattern on." He joked.

"(Y/N), what was your favorite piece in the show?" A new reporter. You both answered a few more fashion-focused questions for the fashion magazine reporters, then you finally got the first nail-biter.

"There have been rumors going around for a while that you two are dating. Is there any merit?" You looked at your manager and he nodded.

"Well…maybe." You smiled softly, looking down and Hyunjin stepped a bit closer.

"We thought coming with matching outfits made that a bit obvious." Your boyfriend added and the flashes from the camera's increased and you felt more eyes than before going to you.

"So, you two are dating?" Deep breaths.

"Yes." The reporters started murmuring and you were led to believe they knew beforehand, but they clearly didn't. Some were already typing on their phones, and you swallowed hard.

"Okay, if there are any more questions, they can be referred to JYP Entertainment." Your managers stepped in and the motioned for you two to sneak off and head toward the after party that was in the next building over.

~~~

"Oh, thank you." You gratefully took the glass of champagne from the waiter that immediately came over as you both entered the building for the after party. Hyunjin took one as well and you took a sip, then grimaced at the taste.

"You've never liked wine." Hyunjin huffed a laugh, and you sneered at him, then downed the rest. You set the empty glass on another waiter as he passed and headed straight for the food.

"These portions are too small." You grumbled, not even knowing what most of the little appetizers were.

"Don't eat that one." Hyunjin stopped you, mouth full of something, before you grabbed what looked like a little sandwich.

"Why?"

"It's not good." He shook his head, and you ended up just grabbing what you hoped was a cookie. Tasted like one anyway.

"There you two are!" Donatella's voice caught both of your attention, and you felt immediately calmer with her there.

"So, it’s official? Everyone knows now?"

"You knew we were dating before?" Hyunjin asked her and she gave him a bored look.

"I just wish we didn't have to be the ones to announce it." You shook your head, looking around nervously.

"Keep an eye on her, some of the guests have been saying some…unsavory things." The designer warned and you shook your head as she moved on to mingle more. At the last event there was a bunch of horny internet celebrities, and it seemed they were present that  day as well.

"Hyunjin!" Your boyfriend's manager called to the man and waved for him to come over.

"(Y/N), stay there, it would be suspicious if you both went missing." He told you and you froze in place. Watching them leave with wide eyes, you huddled closer to the food table, hoping to appear invisible.

"So, you're a K-pop girl or something right?" You flinched, turning to look at who approached. You couldn't place his accent, and you had no idea who he was to go off of that.

"Uh, yes. You are…?" You really wanted a drink but there was only champagne and wine. He told you his name and when no recognition passed over your face, he scoffed slightly but readopted his ‘charming’ expression.

"So, you know Blackpink?" You tried not to roll your eyes, watching him pick something to eat. His suit looked too small for him, and he had an arrogant aura. He crooked an eyebrow with a smolder, and you forced a smile.

"Um, no. I don't."

"BTS though right?"

"Um, no."

"Isn't your friend in BTS?" He motioned vaguely to the side and your brow twitched in annoyance.

"No, he's in the group Stray Kids."

"They were at Coachella." He pointed to you like he figured it out, smirking around his sip of champagne.

"No. That was ATEEZ." You hated dealing with people like him and it seemed he was mixing his ignorance with arrogance.

"Were they the ones that had Ryan Reynolds in their music video?"

"Yes." You smiled a bit more; actually glad he figured it out.

"What is your group called?" You begrudgingly told him.

"So, you like sing and dance and stuff."

"Well, um, yes." You looked around you, hoping and praying that anyone would come, but mostly Hyunjin or your manager.

"You the leader?"

"No, the eldest."

"How old are you?" He looked you up and down and you winced, feeling nauseated. You felt a familiar presence behind you, and you relaxed some feeling them. He didn't say anything, and you turned, slightly surprised to see Sicheng and not Hyunjin.

"I didn't know you were here?" You asked in Korean then and he was staring the guy down. For being so cute and pretty he was good at looking mad.

"We didn't make the runway." He told you and the other man huffed.

"This your boyfriend then?" He looked at Winwin patronizingly. You rolled your eyes.

"No, I am." Both you and Sicheng relaxed, and the annoying man turned, taking a step away when Hyunjin shoved past him.

"Thanks, hyung." He whispered to Sicheng who nodded and took a few steps away to grab something to eat.

"Is Ningning here?" You turned to him then, letting Hyunjin block you from the jerk.

"No, sorry. Who is that?" He nodded at the offender, wrinkling his nose at the food options. You told him and he shook his head, having no idea either.

"If you ever want to know what it feels like to really be treated like a woman, Miss (Y/N), I'm always available." He called around Hyunjin and you hated hearing your name come from him.

"Fuck off." You hardly ever heard your boyfriend sound that angry; he must have learned the tone from Minho.

"Excuse me!" A girl's voice drew everyone's attention and a few younger women who were probably beauty influencers shuffled up with pads of paper.

"Can we get you three's autographs?" You were grateful for the distraction and you each took turns signing for the three girls. The jerky man tried to take the pen next from Hyunjin and one of the fans shot him a look.

"Who are you?" This put a hard blow on his ego, and you held back a laugh, thanking the girls as they trotted away.

"He left." Hyunjin sighed, stepping closer to you, pressing his chest to your shoulder.

"You okay?"

"Yes. Thank you, oppa." You smiled at Winwin, and he smiled back.

For the rest of the after party you were able to avoid any more assholes, they seemed to not want to come over with both of the K-pop boys with you.

"I'm so fucking tired." You groaned, tapping your keycard against the lock of your hotel room and your boyfriend hummed in agreement, entering his own room. The door between the rooms was already open and he ended up just coming to your side and flopping on the bed.

"You'll wrinkle it." You warned, and he whined, getting off the bed  and immediately stripping down to his underwear.

"Jinnie." You huffed in amusement, picking up the garments and when you stood back up from crouching, he was already wiggled under the blankets. He hadn't even untucked them from under the mattress. You shook your head, hanging up his clothes in the garment bag, then removing your own piece and adding it.

"I'm showering." You told him and he didn't respond.

"I'm leaving the door unlocked!" You called and you could hear him wrestling to get out from the comforter as you laughed. You had just let your shapewear fall before he shoved the door open and your back hit the sink counter when he pinned you to it. His lips quickly swallowed yours, no longer needing to care about the transfer of lipstick. You whined, fingers cascading over the skin of his base torso, tongue trying to keep up with his. When he pulled away you took the chance to spin him around and pin him to the counter, laying kisses over his neck and chest, leaving red lip marks all over his skin.

"Wait, (Y/N), you don't-" He sighed as you sank to your knees, leaving fainter marks on his tummy. His cock was half-hard, and you palmed over it through his boxer briefs, and he grunted. You kissed over the fabric making him nearly whimper, and you whined yourself when you pulled his undergarment down, his fully hard cock springing out. You hummed, licking your lips, then eagerly sucked the tip into your mouth.

"Shit." Sweat had already broken on his forehead, and he leaned further back to steady himself, the cold marble of the sink made him shiver. When the tip of his dick hit the back of your throat, you used your hands to hold the other half of his cock, bobbing your head. Hyunjin reached out, managing to find the shower knob and turn the water on, getting it warm. His hand petted over your hair, then tightened, pulling you back. The sting at your scalp made you shudder in delight, your dazed eyes meeting his sharp ones.

"Get in, face the wall." He pulled you up and you were glad the shower was a walk-in. You sighed as the hot water met your tense shoulders, but you squeaked when he joined, pressing his chest to your back. Your breasts pressed to the still cold wall of the shower, and you squeaked as his fingers met your cunt.

"What got you so wet?" Hyunjin hummed in your ear, and you swallowed, trying to think of how to get words out.

"W-when you told that guy to fuck off."

"So long ago?" He chuckled, removing his fingers too soon, making you huff. Before you could even think of complaining or pleading for him, he had bucked his hips, burying his fat cock in one thrust all the way. Your breath left your lungs, the burning sting sending shocks of pleasure up your spine and down your legs. There was almost no room between you two as he pressed even closer, arms wrapping around your middle and holding your hip. He let you take a few breaths to adjust, kissing your neck, the heat of the water and his cock inside you set your blood on fire. One of hands moved to cup your breast, kneading the flesh and you whimpered.

“These are perfect.” He pinched your nipple and you squeaked, then whimpered.

"M-move." You were nearly up on your tip toes, body wound so tight.

"Oh, fuck!" You gasped as Hyunjin began fucking you in earnest, not building, battering his cock deep inside you. Your cunt spasmed as you gasped for air, fingers not able to find anything to hold onto on the slick wall, cheek pressed to the cold tile.

"You're just perfect, (Y/N). Your pussy was made for me, no one else can have it." His hand splayed over your lower tummy, the sensitive skin there twitching under his palm.

"I don't want anyone else to anyway." You managed to get out, his cock kissing your cervix with each roll of his hips.

"Cum for me (Y/N), yeah?" He hummed as he felt the familiar clenching of your gummy walls, his fingers rolling over your clit, sending you over the edge. Hyunjin filled you as deep as he could, grinding into you to help you ride your high, trying to fight his own.

"Fuck, please Hyunjin!" You whimpered, your orgasm seeming to last for hours.

"Well," he chuckled breathily, "if you insist." He bucked his hips a few more times and you both sighed as his hot cum painted your core white. Panting, you couldn't tell whether his skin was slick from the water or his sweat, but either way you both needed to actually shower.

~

"You know, I don't mind being the Prince and Princess of Versace." He told you softly as you laid in bed together, bundled up in your pajamas. Round two and probably three would occur otherwise and you both needed to be up early for your flight.

"No?"

"It's more like Prince William and Princess Kate than us being siblings."

"We're not married, Hyunjin." You huffed and he nodded sleepily.

"For now."

Master-Master List

Stray Kids Master List

[yinyuedijun]

Answer me honestly... would you be willing to lay eggs for Dan Heng if you ever found out that you two could miraculously conceive? Like you'll carry the clutch to a certain period much like a normal pregnancy then you'd go into labor but they'll come out as eggs, hatching at a later date not too far from laying them. All the while Dan Heng would be fussing over everything, instincts driving him mad to care for you, the bedding, the clothes, the food, being protective and such. I'd sell my soul if it means I got my man like this 🙏

TBH this all came from a wild ahh afternoon nap dream and I can't get it out of my head 😭

I want you to know anon that I nearly deleted my account yesterday but reading this ask made me immediately stop and reminded me of why I am on this website. oviposition is actually a huge squick for me but ykw I would do it for danheng. I would do it for the vidyadhara race. this is the only peaceful way to continue it. I have no choice but to make that man a father by any means possible. I would lay his eggs and I would crochet little egg warmers for them too while we're waiting for them to hatch. (I don't crochet btw but I would also learn that for danheng.) then once they're big enough we could take them down to the scalegorge waterscape and sing vidyadhara lullabies to them while they get ready to hatch. danheng would probably cry once they did. I feel like this would cause a schism among the vidyadhara preceptors too and danheng would be forced back into a high elder role. but it would be worth it because he could raise his kids in their ancestral homeland. thank you for saving my account btw

[whatiwannaread]

take me back

Tom x reader

Warnings: toxic! relationship? (probably), trauma?, waaaay too much dialogue probably, drugs, sex and small town solitude are mentioned, not proof read (I'm lazy)

---------------------------

It's 3:00 am, you were peacefully sleeping, not expecting anything to happen until you were then suddenly woken up by loud banging on your front door downstairs.

You sit up, and hear Tom, your ex-boyfriend, speaking from the outside of your door. "Mm Baby, open the door, it's meee!" He slurs.

You sigh. This can't be real. Tom and you broke up 2 weeks ago and it's been hard but you were determined to get your act together and get over him. He seems to have other plans. You go downstairs, hesitant to open the door just yet.

"Schatzi, don't do this to me now, pleeease just let me innn!!"

Although you know you shouldn't, you open the door anyway. His eyes widen when he sees you "oh Schatzi, there you are!! Been missing you so much" Tom practically stumbles into your doorway, he holds onto the doorframe and then onto you for balance before stepping away a little to steady himself. He closes the door behind him. You cross your arms "Tom... how drunk are you?"

He exhales heavily "D-drunk? Nooo... not meee"

You keep a straight face "Don't lie. You drank. What do you want?"

Tom bites his lip, he hates being called out on his lie. He knows damn well that he drank, but he didn't want to admit it in front of you. "I- I had a few drinks, alright? Is that what you want to hear? But it's not like you care, anyway." He mutters. He then looks at you, his voice turning into a pleading tone once more. "Please, can we just talk?"

He looks miserable and you start to feel bad for him. you sigh "ok ok. Talk about it. What's so important?"

He takes a step closer to you, his eyes filled with desperation. "I.. I miss you. I miss us. I miss how we used to be.. I just.. I need you in my life, please, I need you back.. I-"

you roll your eyes a little "Tom, I don't think we should. What's really going on, huh? Trouble at home? In school? Or within that little drug-taking train station gang of yours?"

Tom's expression darkens at your question. He hates it when you bring up his "gang." He clenches his jaw "We're not a damn gang, alright? They're my friends. They understand me. And we're doing just fine, so stop talking about them." He speaks in a slightly more aggressive tone, but he soon calmes down, and he looks down at you, a hurt expression on his face. "Why did you even break up with me? I thought we were happy.."

You huff "happy? No, we weren't. And I don't trust your little friends, you know it! I can't deal with the stuff you guys do. I don't like it, I don't wanna get caught up in that. Why the hell are you even still hanging out with those people?? Tommy, I just don't understand..."

Tom's expression changes from hurt to frustration in a matter of seconds

"They get me, ok? You're just too good to get it! The guys get what it's like to have issues! And what do you mean we weren't happy? I was as happy as it gets! If only you would stop being so damn annoying about stuff like this"

God. He can't be serious. What an idiot he is! If only you could truly stop loving him...

"You know damn well I got my own issues, but that doesn't mean I'm out drinking and taking drugs every other day! You know my father left me and my mother is too damn busy taking care of her ever changing boyfriends. And then they drink our money. You think that's a sweet sweet life?? Get out Tom, I just don't get what you even want from me at this point! Go back to your friends!"

You hate talking about your family situation. Tom sees tears forming in your eyes, and he knows he went too far. He curses at himself inwardly for being such a jerk. But he's hurt too, by your words, and he's too stubborn to apologize. He swallows and he continues to speak in a harsh tone. "You know what, maybe I WILL go back to my friends! At least they care about me! They don't judge me! Maybe I'll just find some other girl too, someone who's actually worth my time..."

You take a deep breath to calm yourself down. Your voice is sharp and cold "yes. Please! Go back to the abandoned train station and pull at whatever they give you. And then ask Therese if she wants to do it again maybe! Maybe she'll be amazingly sweet this time"

[Therese is the secret 'whore' in our small town. She takes drugs and sleeps with usually young boys when they want to lose their virginity. Tom himself lost his virginity to Therese when he was only 13 and Therese was 17 and already infamous for doing it for little money. (Yes, horrible. But Therese is a victim too kinda)]

Tom's mouth agape in shock as his eyes widen. His heart feels like it just shattered into pieces. Seeing you so cold and harsh stung his heart like hell, and seeing you say those things about Therese made it even worse. He can't believe you'd stoop that low. He steps closer to you, his body trembling in anger and hurt.

"You dare bring up Therese?! That was a mistake, OKAY?! I was young and stupid! You're never gonna let that go, are you?!"

You glare at him "well you still hang out with her occasionally, dont you? If it was such a bad experience then how come you used to brag about stuff like that when we first met?? How you had sex at 13 with an older girl..... only to have it turn out you were talking about damn Therese out of all people!" You clench your jaw. You know you're going to far. But you wanna know why he keeps going back to the people who hurt him.

Tom's face turned red in anger and embarrassment. He couldn't believe you were humiliating him like this. He clenched his fists so tight that his knuckles turned white. He took a step closer to you, almost towering over you with his height.

"I- I-" He stuttered, but then he snapped, his expression turning into a sneer, and he yelled at you in a harsh, mocking tone.

"It was one time behind the damn train station, alright? Yes, it was behind the damn train station and it was stupid and so damn weird!!! Are you happy now?"

"The damn train station you guys hang out till this day!! Don't you get that?? When I agreed to be with you, you said you regret all that stuff. But you still go there and meet up with the same people and every time you're there, you're so god damn cold!! I don't understand you. You and I... that never worked" You look up at him

Tom stares down at you, his anger replaced with hurt and despair. He clenches his jaw, and he speaks in a more quiet tone.

"We hang out there because we have nowhere else to go, okay?! We always go there because there's nowhere else to hang out in this stupid town! And you know why we hang out there, because we can do what we want there, you know that!! We're allowed to drink, to smoke, to have a good time!"

You huff and look down "I know I know. Everything's just perfect over there and everybody is sooo nice and lovely"

You remember when you hung out there too for some weeks. But you didn't really smoke or drink, no nothing. You were scared in some way. You didn't want to be just like your mother. They called you Miss Virgin Pure back then and made fun of you a lot. That's how Tom knew you when you first spent some time together outside of school. But you always kinda hated that hangout. You never got why Tom keeps going back there!

Tom's expression softens a bit as he remembers how you were always the 'stuck up little prude' among his friends and how they teased and made fun of you for being hesitant to copy their lifestyle. He knew deep down you were so sweet, even if you acted so guarded and dismissive at times.

"I- you were always kinda different from us... you were special. You were... I don't know, better, you were beautiful. They only teased you so much because you were too perfect..."

Tom's heart twists and aches as he thinks about his words. He takes a step closer to you, his eyes full of sadness now.

"You know what? You're just... you are perfect. You're too good for me, I know that. But I can't help it... I need you, okay? I just... I can't stop thinking about you."

You sigh and cross your arms "Tom, make up your mind! You just told me I don't understand you, cause I don't know what it's like to have issues and now all of a sudden I'm so so perfect. What do you want? I didn't ask for you to come over! And I won't take you back tonight either!" You wonder what's going on with Tom, maybe he drank more than you thought...

Tom feels a pang of guilt as he remembers what he said to you. He was angry and hurt, and he said those things out of spite.

"I- I didn't mean that... I just... I'm so messed up, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I just want you back... I need you back. I need you in my life, okay?! I can't be without you."

"We broke up 2 weeks ago, Tom. You need to give it some time... you will get over me, come on" you mumble, you feel slightly bad but you're also still hurt.

Tom feels a pang in his heart as you say that he'll get over you. He steps even closer to you, his body mere inches away from yours now. He looks down at you with a pleading expression.

"I can't get over you... I've tried, I really have. But no matter what I do, you're always on my mind. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think about anything else except you. You're all I think about, all the time... please, just give me another chance. I promise I'll be better, I'll do anything."

You sigh. Damn...what were you supposed to do?? You look away before you turn towards your room "I don't wanna talk no more. I'm so tired, Tom. Come on... let's get some sleep, ok?"

Tom feels a spark of hope in his heart as he sees you step towards your room. He follows after you, a small smile on his face. He's glad your letting him stay, even just for tonight.

"You're serious? I- I can sleep in your room?"

"Yeah... but just for tonight. I suppose it's too dangerous to drive back for you now anyway..." you bite your lip as you shake the pillow and the blanket up, just like you did when you two were still together. You get into bed and pull the blanket over yourself.

Tom's heart skips a beat as he watches you get into bed. It felt so familiar, bringing back all sorts of memories of when you were together. He can't help but smile, but he's also still feeling a pang of guilt.

"Yeah... it's really late, and I... I drank too much. I ... ugh... really can't drive back like this"

He slowly gets into bed beside you, trying not to get too close, but he's fighting the urge to just wrap his arms around you and pull you close.

You nod "mmm you gonna sleep in jeans?" You ask sleepily. Tom quickly unzips his pants and slowly slides them down, leaving him in just his boxers and t-shirt.

You smile as he pulls his jeans off. You move closer, the bed is rather small. U instinctively snuggle up to him "only tonight... let's say we didn't break up... but only for tonight" you whisper, not in your right mind as you grow more tired.

Tom's heart skips a beat as he feels you move closer, it feels like heaven.

"Yeah... just for tonight."

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you even closer. He buries his face in your hair, taking in your scent and savoring the feeling of your body against his.

Suddenly small tears start to run down your cheek. You sniffle softly. You seriously feel so lonely ever since you have broken up... but you feel like you two don't work out and that you have to let him go.

Tom feels your tears on his chest and it breaks his heart. He gently runs his hand up and down your back, trying to offer some comfort. He thinks he's the cause of your pain, and he hates himself for it.

"Hey.. hey... don't cry... please, don't cry... okay? we're together, right? Just for tonight, but still... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I messed up... I'm a jerk, I know I am... but I'll be better, I swear, I'll be better for you..."

You cry softly. It hurts so much. It's late and you are getting emotional. You feel like you got no one in this world. You only had him... but that's over now too. His voice calms you down a little "right... i love you Tommy. I love you. I need you. I don't trust anybody but you"

Tom swallows, his voice cracking with emotion.

"I love you too... I love you so much. I can't live without you. I need you, I need you so much... I'll do anything... I'll do whatever it takes to have you back... I promise I'll be better... I swear..."

You breath shakily "Tommy... I don't know. I'm so scared we will fight and break up again. Maybe we're better apart. But I'm so stupid and I miss you, I can't sleep without you... I feel empty and... ugh... I love you" you mumble

Tom feels his heart shatter at your words. The thought of being apart from you scared him so much. He wraps his arms even tighter around you, pulling you as close as possible.

"No... don't say that... I don't want to be apart from you. I can't... I can't be without you. I feel the same... I can't sleep without you either, I can't eat, I can't think about anything else except you. I'm empty without you too... we can make it work, I know we can. Just give me another chance, please..."

I sigh shakily as he pulls you closer. This feels good. Your resistance is crumbling "mmm you promise? The two of us against everything else, right? And you will try to distance yourself from that train station gang? Tommy please... then i'll take you back"

Tom's heart skips a beat when he hears you say you'll take him back. He knows he has to make this promise, no matter how hard it is.

"I promise... I promise I'll distance myself from the gang. I'll do whatever it takes... just please, take me back... I need you, okay? I love you so much..."

He buries his face in your hair, holding you tightly.

You smile softly "ok" you whisper "then we're back together. I love you Tom. You and I forever, hm?" Your heart feels like it's ten times lighter

Tom feels tears welling up in his eyes as relief washes over him.

"Yeah.. you and me forever, ... y/n and Tom forever. Oh god... I love you so much. You have no idea how much I've missed you. I swear I'll be a better boyfriend now, I promise... "

He hugs you tighter, feeling happier than he's been in weeks

You giggle softly "nooo you're the best boyfriend already. I love you sooo much" you relax in his arms and close your eyes, feeling veeery tired after all.

Tom smiles, holding you close and rubbing your back.

"No, I could be better... I messed up, and that's why we were apart. I won't mess up again, I swear... I love you too... you're everything to me."

He kisses the top of your head, feeling so happy to have you back in his arms. He can't help but smile even more as he feels how close you are to him, how your body fits perfectly against his

You yawn "I kinda wish we could have sex to celebrate but I'm soooo tired, Tom" you can't even keep your eyes open at all. The way he soothes you with his hand on your back makes you so so sleepy.

Tom feels his heart skip a beat at the mention of sex, but he quickly pushes that thought away. He can see how tired you are, and he doesn't want to push you to do anything. He keeps rubbing your back, trying to lull you to sleep.

"Shhh... it's okay, it's okay... you're tired, and you need to sleep. It's okay, there's always tomorrow. We can celebrate properly tomorrow, okay?"

You hum softly "mmmm yeah" you whisper sweetly. It's working, he's lulling you to sleep. Before you know it, you have fallen asleep in his embrace.

Tom continues to rub your back, feeling you relax and slowly fall asleep in his arms. A soft smile spreads across his face as he watches you sleeping so peacefully, your head resting on his chest. He holds you close, savoring the feeling of having you in his arms once again.

He whispers in a soft voice, so as not to wake you.

"Sleep well, schatzi... I love you, baby."

--------

the End

[to-be-a-dreamer]

Talked about this in the Discord with Chandler a bit but I cannot get over how all six of the PCs in Neverafter are super involved with the main conflict, they all have high stakes in the outcome, and they all have a genuine reason or adversary that is forcing them to be on this adventure except for Pib.

Like, Rosamund started out looking for her true love, her literal only goal in life up until that point and now she's involved with a huge plot to bring awareness to everyone in the Neverafter, and she's the key to every side, not just her own, turning the tides in their favor. Mother Goose is the only person with the ability to end the Times of Shadows, but he has to work with the rest of the party to learn how to use this ability if he wants to save everyone he cares about. Pinnochio literally doesn't have a choice; he has been cursed, his father is being held captive, he's being manipulated by the Stepmother to do her bidding, and he has absolutely no way out of this. Even his afterlife has been stolen from him and he's being forced to keep going, no matter how much he doesn't want to. Ylfa may seem like she doesn't have very high stakes and, other than Pib, she has the most physical freedom to leave if she wants to. However, emotionally, she is absolutely trapped in this adventure. The only parental figure she has is on the quest, she doesn't really have anyone else that cares about her, these five idiots absolutely need protection, and every sign in her life is pointing her back to these five other people on this journey. She could leave, yes, but she won't, because she doesn't have anywhere else to go. Gerard, like Rosamund, joined up with the group because he felt like they could help him find his true love, Elody, and that once that goal was accomplished everything would be okay again. NOW he's being used as a pawn for the fairies who are trying to convince him that the only way to get his Happily Ever After back is to do what they say and prevent the "awakening" of the people of the Neverafter. He's made an agreement with a fairy now, he's not getting out of this adventure.

NOW PIB PUSS IN BOOTS OVER HERE. He's just a guy. He's just a funky little trickster spirit who doesn't have to be here. He was with Pinnochio to get some money to help him back onto his feet paws, but he could have easily left with the rest of the caravan. There's no wicked stepmother forcing his hand, no evil fairy using him as a pawn, no giant goose haunting his dreams. He could have stayed in the forest with Rabbit to let Fox take the next turn and nothing would happened to him. He could have turned tail (ha) and ran away with Alphonse to save his own skin and just found a new story to screw up. He could have stayed in the teapot carriage with time stopped for the rest of his life and literally no outside forces would have cared enough to stop him. He's just a cat. He can do what he wants. He's just a trickster spirit whose only purpose is to fuck shit up. It's hilarious and I love it.

Personally, I can't wait to watch how Zac and Brennan tell the story of a random cat with no personal stakes in this fight finding a purpose in companionship, learning to care about other people, and being willing to sacrifice his own comfort and happiness to help his friends. I can't wait to watch this little shit who only exists to play tricks and cause chaos learning to trust and love and protect. We've already seen that Cat is more empathetic and caring of the humans in his stories than Fox, and I think we're gonna watch Pib slowly begin to grow attached to the rest of the party. I think he is going to spend this next life, the life he promised he would use to play even greater tricks, bonding with people he should be fooling and using his cunning to protect them instead. I can't wait for Pib to look his archetype, his destiny, dead in the eye and say "no".

I can't wait for Pib to have stakes in the fight because his family has stakes in the fight.

[arttsuka]

Based on somewhat real events

I spent way too much time drawing this...

But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you

A continuation (kinda)

[heretherebedork]

I don't trust Yo's confession to Ing because this is not about his feelings, this is about his fear of abandonment and his need to have Ing in his life. It's about love but it's not about the specific love he's currently confessing because he doesn't realize that's even what it is.

This was all for Ing because he loves Ing but it was mainly for Ing because Yo can't bear to lose him as a friend and if the only way to do that is to become his boyfriend, he will.

I hope that's their conflict as the show goes on. Or at least an aspect of it.

[fallloverfic]

I love singNsong again reminding people in Side Story that Dokja wanted other people to read TWSA (he wrote reviews and comments! It was his first wish), and he only stopped bothering because people harassed him for it. He didn't gate-keep the story. When he's avoiding talking to Sangah about it at the beginning of ORV, it's because he knows what happens when he tells people about the story, not because he's gate-keeping it from her. He notes he's not proud of his hobby (likely because he's been bullied all through his life, including for reading the thing he loves): he finds it embarrassing to talk about, and better respects her studying Spanish in her free time (learning another language is a generally accepted thing in society). He assumes she won't care or will look at him funny (or worse) for when she learns about the novel he's into.

Basically anyone writing "let's gatekeep ORV" posts because of the anime announcement or because they dislike the manhwa or some other weirdness, y'all are the villains in the scenario.

The literal climax of the story is about sharing ORV with as many people as possible. What story were y'all reading?

[rmbunnie]

Red Hood Characterization

This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.

I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?

This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!

tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.

Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.

[cuteniarose]

The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!

[phoenixfiiire]

Tentatively maybe returning tomorrow, maybe... friday? Depends on vibes and what me and Sera are doing.

There is going to be a rule change for my own comfort. This sounds ominous and for all I know it is but I don't have the energy to really write it out eloquently so I'm just going to ramble in tags for now.

[iwakuraz]

.

[kunikidas-lost-glasses]

Headcanons and short drabbles for my BSD Fix-it AU

!Contains Spoilers for the whole DoA arc!

TWs: Mentions of OCD, mentions of panic attacks, mentions of crying, mentions of slight gun violence, mentions of screaming, mentions of heavy injuries, mentions of medical related stuff (p.ex.infirmaries), mentions of chronic pain 

All characters might be ooc.

Pairings: Shin Soukoku, Bramcraft, at first Ranpoe and implied developing Mushiranpoe,later mentioned Mushiranpoe, Chuusigzai, lightly implied past!Fyozai (it’s up to interpretation if romantically or platonically but it’s written more in a platonic way), implied Tachihigugin, Fyolai, engaged!Suegiku, Montcott

The ADA managed to defeat Fukuchi and obtained the page

Fyodor and Nikolai got away though.

The moment Sigma wanted to shoot Fyodor, Nikolai appeared next to Fyodor through one of his overcoat portals and pulled the other with him through it. 

It did send Sigma into a panic attack and Dazai too got nervous because of this but as soon as the ADA managed to obtain the page, he got a lot calmer and told Atsushi to write that Fyodor loses his ability on the page, knowing that it not only would send the russian into several existence crises but also knowing that the chance that he would try to erase all ability users would become much lower then. 

Dazai knew Fyodor for years and he knew how much his ability tortured him since his early childhood. He knew that Punishment plagued him and took over a lot. 

Fyodor’s ability was strong and was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it so that his ability slowly but surely started to affect his mind a lot wasn’t unexpected. 

When Dazai touched Fyodor for the first time years ago, the other basically melted into his touch after Dazai touched him despite his threats that he would kill the other if he would dare to touch him. 

The heavy weight of Punishment, the sharp and piercing feeling of the powerful ability raging inside of him whenever he felt threatened as well as its influence on his mind faded to nothing for the first time in his life.

When they met again, Dazai was almost sure that Punishment affected the other’s mind completely since he had gotten more cruel and heartless but also because he worked so tirelessly on his goal to erase all ability users so now he was almost completely sure that erasing only Fyodor’s ability would stop the other.

He was right. Upon feeling his ability fading away until it was completely gone, Fyodor went, just like Dazai expected, through a whole existence crises

With his ability fading, Fyodor also slowly gained full consciousness over his mind again and fully realized what had happened, even though he couldn’t remember events where Punishment had taken over his consciousness nearly completely.

After everything, the russian spent weeks in his bed, not only recovering from his physical injuries he had from their prison escape game but also because his mind struggled to process the fact that Punishment was gone and that he was only Fyodor now. No Crime. No Punishment. No vessel for Punishment. Just Fyodor. 

He also had to process the fact that he gained full consciousness again and had to deal with all the guilt because of what happened which was eating him up alive for quite some time.

The one who took care of him the whole time was no other than Nikolai. 

Nikolai who had put his clown attire away by now. Nikolai, who violently shook Fyodor after saving him, screaming at him for not getting out of his mind and for stopping him from being free, screaming that he hated him so much. Nikolai who had held a gun to Fyodor’s head, hand shaking before dropping the gun, letting his friend go and kneeling in front of him, sobbing. Nikolai who slowly learned to accept that he loved Fyodor and who slowly tried to believe that he could be free together with Fyodor.

He knew that Fyodor returned his feelings but he also knew that Fyodor waited until Nikolai had everything sorted out.

And Fyodor did wait. He waited patiently and eventually, when Nikolai was ready and both got more stable as well as used to their new quiet life, living undercover and when Fyodor was physically fully and mentally partly recovered, they got together in one cold winter night.

Their relationship was beautiful actually and it was based on mutual deep understanding and a bond which already started to form when they both met while living on the streets in the Ukraine as young teens.

Dazai was still secretly searching for the whereabouts of Fyodor and Nikolai for nearly two years, despite knowing that it was nearly impossible to find the russian if he didn’t wanted to be found, scared that his plan didn’t carry out exactly as he hoped that it would but after nearly four years passed, he was almost completely sure that the rat and his clown wouldn’t try to start a war again. 

Sigma and Bram joined the ADA

Sigma’s entrance actually started with the elevator crashing down and he passed it by staying on Dazai’s and the ADA’s side, nearly managing to shoot Fyodor, instead of running away or going back to the Decay of Angels. 

Bram on the other hand, kind of had to stay with the ADA but he actually didn’t  mind.

Aya begged the agency not to kill Bram and eventually they gave in and gave Bram an entrance exam for multiple reasons, one of them being that he can’t be on his own, slashed in half like this but also that if they would pull out the sword, he would have no control over his ability, just like he told Aya so they somehow needed to keep his ability at bay.

After Bram passed the entrance exam and managed to prove his good motives, which wasn’t that hard for him since he never wanted to cause a vampire outbreak to happen and got forced into biting people/since he joined the DoA against his own will,  Dazai touched the sword, nullifying it, so that they could pull out the sword without hurting Bram any further. 

With the sword out of him, he was able to regenerate his body in a matter of a few days.

At first he even refused to Dazai touching it, scared that his ability might lash out completely like he had told Aya but Fukuzawa’s ability kept his vampirism at bay and allowed him to control it much better

By now he has a full body again and can make his own decisions again without being bound to anyone but he still has to use a cane since after not walking/not even having a full body for literal centuries he still struggles with walking and kind of has to relearn it.

He also has to relearn how to use his hands for the exact same reasons. 

However, he can also transform into a large bat again so he usually chills, hanging upside down from the ceiling or hanging upside down on the side of Sigma’s desk, sleeping in his bat form. (Sigma put a little metal bar on the side of his desk specifically for Bram.)

Sigma and Bram kind of get along pretty well. They already got along back when they were both in the DoA but could barely talk/get to know each other since they barely saw each other outside of the meetings of the organization. 

Besides this, Sigma was nearly always busy in his casino and Bram was very well hidden and most of the time guarded by Fukuchi in some way. 

Fukuchi got defeated completely.

The Hunting Dogs had to go under police investigation but after they were proven to be innocent and to be not involved with the DoA, they got a new leader. They couldn’t split the Hunting Dogs up since they would die without the operations.

Jounou and Tecchou got engaged a few months after the war against the DoA.

Atsushi brought Bram and Aya to Dazai where he could touch the vampire, nullifying his ability and turning the people who had been turned into vampires back into humans. 

Yosano saved multiple lives that day since the injuries which some people had before they got turned into a vampire returned shortly after they were fully human again. 

Upon seeing Akutagawa again, alive, healthy and fully human again, Atsushi thought he wouldn’t believe his eyes at first but only a couple of seconds later after standing there like frozen, staring at the other, Atsushi dashed forwards, tackle-hugging Akutagawa with such a strength and with such a speed that he knocked both of them over so that they both fell on the floor. 

Atsushi hugged Akutagaw so tightly that the other heard he would hear his ribs crack before Atsushi sat up a bit, yelling at Akutagawa for being so stupid for sacrificing himself for Atsushi and asking if if he could imagine how it felt to fight against him as a mindless vampire.

He really tried not to cry but he failed. Miserably.

When he tackle-hugged Akutagawa for the first time, tears where already in the corner of his eyes and upon feeling the other again, hearing him breathe and smelling the familiar faint smell of tea like which the other nearly always smelled, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling and it got worse when he was yelling at Akutagawa but that didn’t stop him from doing so.

Akutagawa just listened to him quietly (it drove Atsushi a bit crazy to be completely honest)

Eventually Atsushi actually talked himself that much in rage, that he ended up confessing accidentally to Akutagawa which caused him to shut up immediately staring shocked at Akutagawa who looked at him with wide eyes too, before hectically trying to scramble away and get up to give Akutagawa space since he was nearly completely sure that the other was disgusted now but Akutagawa actually grabbed him before he could get up fully and pulled him back so that he lied on top of him again before hugging him, telling him that he felt the same causing Atsushi to start to sob all over again. 

Akutagawa lied there with a faint smile, slowly rubbing the bag of the other and he would never admit it but he too, had watery eyes

Normally he would have never reacted like this or would have shown such a soft side of him but after what happened, even he couldn’t stay as cold as usual

Soukoku watched them with little smiles on their faces, how they continued to lie on the floor curled up together in a tight hug, talking quietly about everything.

Fyodor’s downfall actually started with underestimating Soukoku’s bond and with sending Chuuya to Dazai in order to kill the latter without realizing that Chuuya was already long out of his vampire state. 

Chuuya was the one who carried Dazai out of the hallway to a safe place, who did first aid on Dazai who was heavily injured from the elevator crash and who guarded him until everything was over.

Dazai managed to snap Chuuya out of the vampire state by nearly making him and Fyodor drown (it was actually part of a big plan c of Dazai which was the plan he would have to use in the worst case. That Chuuya got turned into a vampire wasn’t his first plan but it was included in one of his “worst case” plans.)

Chuuya punched him hard later for nearly drowning him and saying such things before he “drowned” but upon noticing that Dazai was sticking extremely close to him and refused to leave his side the whole time and also upon seeing that he was truly shaken up too (no matter how hard he tried to mask it), he just sighed and hugged his partner. 

They stayed like that, quietly hugging each other and Dazai basically clinging to Chuuya, holding onto him and hugging him so tightly that Chuuya struggled to breathe for a moment and he buried his face in the redheads crook of the neck for a long time

Later, they would never talk about the fact that Dazai was shaking like crazy during the first time of their embrace but when Chuuya realized it he just slowly started to rub the younger's back and buried his face in the others brown messy locks. They didn’t need any words at that moment.

Dazai became even clingier to Chuuya than he was before.

Ranpo and Yosano would stick close together and also stick close to Fukuzawa for the next months, not wanting to get separated for longer than a day.

Yosano would never forget the sight of seeing Fukuzawa and Ranpo lying unconsciously on the ground, bleeding out from stab wounds. 

She stayed at their side until they woke up again after she had healed them.

After they woke up again, she tried to appear put together and greeted them with a relieved smile which quickly turned into a wobbly smile after she heard Ranpo complaining about his head hurting and about starting to complain about the fact that they didn’t listen to him in the first place. 

He quickly stopped complaining after he noticed that Yosano had gone quiet and after Fukuzawa noticed her teary eyes, he asked her to come to him. Of course she did so and he pulled her into a tight hug. 

It was the first time in years that Yosano cried. 

Ranpo started to complain about getting left out so Yosano huffed out a laugh and pulled him into a bone crushing hug too.

While Fukuzawa and Ranpo were allowed to leave her infirmary the same day, the people who had been turned into vampires had to stay for a bit longer. Some of them only woke up days later.

The reason why they had to stay a bit longer was because despite Yosano successfully healing them and despite vampirism getting nullified, they felt worn out and exhausted and seemed to recover much slower. Even after a month the most still had to take things slow since their bodies quickly started to feel worn out and they often felt exhausted from doing the smallest things. After some months went by, the symptoms got lesser and lesser though. 

Yosano had asked Bram if they could turn into vampires again but Bram told her that this was impossible.

As soon as Yosano allowed people to visit people in the infirmary again, Poe and Mushitarou were next to Ranpo’s bed.

Poe basically refused to leave Ranpo’s side and held his hand tightly. 

Mushitarou stood next to Poe with a little smile on his face. 

Mushitarou had started to slowly get along a bit more with the detective but they couldn’t really hang out since Ranpo had been in fighting against the DoA with the others while Poe acted as a supporter from the back rows. 

However, he got a lot closer with the writer, after all, he lived with him. 

As soon as they’ve gotten the information that Ranpo had gotten injured by Fukuchi and was now being healed by Yosano, Poe nearly fell into a panic hole and it was Mushitarou who carefully took the phone out of Poe’s hand, saying that they would come over in a minute, before he hung up and started to calm the writer down who already struggled to breathe evenly and had shaking hands. 

He wasn’t as good at it as Ranpo was but surprisingly he was able to calm the other down in no time.

Now, standing next to Poe, next to Ranpo’s bed, he did felt strangely relieved that the detective was fine and seeing Poe babbling about how scared he was as well as scolding Ranpo for being so reckless while Ranpo patted the others head and squeezed his hand, telling him to calm down, his heart felt weirdly warm upon seeing them like that.

The ADA actually threw a huge celebration party over two whole days to celebrate their victory over Fukuchi and the DoA. It was an even greater celebration than when they won against the guild

When Lucy finally saw her girlfriend Louisa at that party again, she basically dropped everything she was holding and ran to her, pulling her in a bone crushing hug.

Louisa was a bit startled at first but then giggled and hugged Lucy back, burying her face in the crook of the other woman's neck.

Lucy would never admit it but she did in fact cry a little bit upon finally being able to hold Louisa again and upon seeing that she was healthy and alive. 

The two would stick close together for the rest of the evening. 

Lucy also proceeded to kiss Louisa’s scar which she had from Nathaniel’s attack, telling her that she still looked beautiful with it.

Bram was able to reunite with Lovecraft. 

The two of them had been in a relationship back in the medieval era but after Bram got sliced in half and got taken away like a trophy, Lovecraft had been unable to find him again for centuries and when he found him again, he had already been in the hands of Fukuchi. 

All that Lovecraft wanted, was to free Bram from Fukuchi but he knew that Fukuchi would use Bram against Lovecraft, hurting Bram even more in the process and the last thing Lovecraft wanted, was to make Bram suffer even more than he already had to so he couldn’t do anything beside staying close to the vampire and following them wherever Fukuchi took him. 

The time where Bram had been on the ship had been hell for Lovecraft. He stayed underwater, underneath the ship where he was forced to listen to how Fukuchi treated Bram, how Bram tried to refuse biting people and how tired, hollow and exhausted the voice of his partner sounded. 

Lovecraft wanted to sink the ship oh 8so bad, dragging Fukuchi down with it and killing him underwater and taking Bram with him, since Fukuchi was defenseless against him there. The world underwater was Lovecraft’s world, his element and a mere human was defenseless against him there but he knew that there was a risk that Bram got injured if he really did so and he didn’t wanted to risk that so he was forced to stay underneath the ship, hoping that one day he was able to get Bram back. 

When Bram saw Lovecraft again, he froze and stared at the black haired man with wide eyes. 

He was sure that he would never see Lovecraft again, that he had lost him forever. 

Bram had never stopped thinking and dreaming about the other but he didn’t even dare to hope that he would see him again. 

Lovecraft didn’t look any different than he remembered him. He wore different and more modern clothes and he looked more tired and worn out than before but beside that he still looked exactly how he remembered it.

It didn’t took long until Lovecraft noticed that someone stared at him and when he spotted Bram, he too froze for a moment.

He only managed to say the other’s name before ran towards him, using a bit of his vampire abilities to move faster. However, he tripped shortly before he reached Lovecraft due to his legs giving out but Lovecraft quickly catched him and hugged him.

He held him so carefully as if he would hurt him if he hugged him any tighter.

He had always been careful with Bram since the vampire always nearly felt as fragile as a human in Lovecraft’s arms, despite being an immortal being and since Lovecraft was well aware of his strength he was always careful when touching Bram but now he seemed to touch him even more careful than before. 

Bram however, hugged him as tight as he could, burning his face in the other’s shirt and closing his eyes. 

Nobody saw the tears which escaped his eyes. Only Lovecraft could feel them and only he felt that Bram was shaking slightly. 

Lovecraft on the other hand, was still trying to process that he finally was able to hold Bram again and that Bram was okay. 

After a couple of moments he buried his face in the others long gray hair and closed his eyes as well. They didn’t need any words. It has always been like this. 

They stood like this, hugging each other for a long time and even afterwards, they would stick together. 

Lovecraft would always visit Bram whenever he could and they also started to meet up at night again. Usually Bram would fly down to the harbor where he met Lovecraft. Then they would talk for hours again, like they did back when they first met. They would talk and sleep, holding each other. They would dance and sometimes they would just sit somewhere, watching the night sky and remiscene about the old times. 

Bram often thinks about his kins and his family. After all, he is the only vampire who survived and who is now walking freely around on earth again. He misses them greatly and often he blames himself for not being able to defend them. 

Lovecraft is always there for him when the thoughts get too dark.

Sigma is allowed to carry a gun with him constantly.

He is also practicing to use his ability more precisely and is training to use his ability in order to overwhelm enemies through flooding their mind with so much information that they pass out.

He often gets paired with Atsushi when they go on missions.

They both spend a lot of time together and they became best friends. 

 When Atsushi saw that Sigma was alive, he nearly cried. The “death” of Sigma would leave his mind and he mourned about the death of the other, despite not really knowing him so when he saw him again, he couldn’t believe his eyes before he ran over to him, telling him how relieved he was to see him alive and well. 

Sigma was completely caught off guard at first. Nobody ever was so glad about seeing that he was fine. In all his years with the DoA he was merely a replaceable tool and this boy was nearly crying out of relief and happiness upon seeing him again despite not really knowing anything about him.

It made Sigma feel warm inside and his heart felt like it got squished but in a good way. It was the first time he wondered if this is what “home” felt like. 

Later he asked how he could ever thank Atsushi for his kindness. He showed him back at the sky casino but to his surprise, the other didn’t want anything and told him that he’s just happy that Sigma is fine. 

By now, Sigma, Atsushi, Lucy and Kyouka often spend time together. Sometimes they visit Lucy at the Café, sometimes they go shopping together, sometimes they go and get Crépes together and sometimes they just talk for a while at the office of the ADA.

Sigma and Atsushi both judge Dazai’s shinegans.

Sigma got together with Chuuya and Dazai some time after the war against the DoA.

Chuuya and Dazai were already a couple for years but after the events in Meursault, they also got together with Sigma. 

Dazai already started falling for Sigma early into the events of Meursault while Sigma slowly started falling for Dazai after the latter saved them from drowning. 

Chuuya already started to admire Sigma when he saw Sigma aiming the gun at Fyodor’s head, showing true strength and bravery and it didn’t take long until they both fell for each other after meeting too. 

However Sigma was a bit intimidated by Chuuya at first so it took him a bit longer to warm up to Chuuya. 

They love each other deeply and while Sigma and Chuuya would die for Dazai even though they would never admit it, Dazai would live for them.

However, Dazai is also still getting used to receiving this much genuine love and affection from two people. 

Sigma is also still slowly getting used to being treated like a human being instead of a tool/ is still getting used to not getting used the whole time and also to finally having not one but two places he can call home (the ADA and Dazai and Chuuya). 

During the first time after the war against the DoA, Dazai had to use a wheelchair for a long time after crashing down with the elevator, breaking his legs in several places and breaking other bones as well.

After months, he could walk a bit again and started to use forearm crutches as soon as he could walk for longer periods of time again. 

Eventually he only used one forearm crutch.

He had to keep using a forearm crutch for years.

After a long time, he used a cane instead.

He already struggled with chronic back pain from a failed suicide attempt where he fell on his back, injuring his spine and since he didn’t seeked help from Yosano until months later, the spine healed more badly than anything which is why it now often hurts and cracks, making sitting straight hurt like hell after some time and the serval injuries he had after falling down with the elevator added more chronic pain and his legs couldn’t support his weight fully anymore without hurting like crazy until years later. The pain never fully faded though.

He hated needing the help of others but slowly he started to allow it. 

Kunikida has to practice things like tying his hair into a ponytail, braiding his hair, tying his shoes and writing again because his new hands are still weak and very shaky. 

It caused him multiple breakdowns already due to feeling utterly useless, especially now that he can neither do a lot of paperwork or use his ability as fast and often as before.

Dazai and Ranpo are the only ones who know about Kunikida struggling. 

Dazai actually helps Kunikida when his mental health is particularly bad again and helps him to calm down when he finds him locked in one of the toilet stalls in the bathroom of the ADA again, breaking down on particularly bad days when his hands were shaking so much again that he couldn’t do anything which required precise hand movements. 

Previously, Kuniikida would check on Dazai every evening to see if the other was fine and if he had eaten anything. Now it’s Dazai’s turn to check on his partner regularly. 

At first Kunikida hated it, but slowly he started to accept the support and help from Dazai.

Dazai, Kunikida, Chuuya and Sigma regularly meet up somewhere during weekends to spend some time together. Most of the time, they just talk about work and about life but sometimes they watch movies together at Chuuya’s apartment which he shares with Dazai and Sigma. 

 After Sigma and Kunikida got to know each other through their work at the ADA, they started to get along pretty well and Chuuya and Kunikida got along well anyway. They love to rant about work and about Dazai’s bs while drinking expensive wine. 

Sigma sometimes bakes cookies for the whole ADA.

Fukuzawa refused to exchange any of the ADA members with Mori after he found out about the lie he told Yosano. 

He was furious. 

He knew that it would have consequences but for now he didn’t worry about it. 

Sigma’s OCD and his panic disorder which he developed during his time with the DoA got even worse after the war against the DoA. 

He never told anyone about it and normally he was able to hide his compulsions, his panic and the distress which came from not performing compulsions very well but during the first time after the DoA was defeated, everything got even harder to hide. 

Dazai noticed him writing a word on a word document over and over again, deleting it before writing it again and noticed how Sigma grew more and more distressed. He didn’t confront him about it right then at the crowded office of the ADA but he instead asked him if he could help him with something to snap him out of the thought spiral. 

At home, he confronted Sigma about it, and while Sigma at first panicked, eventually he told Dazai about it.

By now, both Chuuya and Dazai support and help Sigma whenever his fear and his OCD get too much for him. 

The Hunting Dogs came personally to the ADA to apologize for everything they did as well as for believing that they were guilty. 

Tecchou also apologized less formally and more emotionally to Yosano and thanked her again for saving Jounou’s life. After all, they had wanted to execute her so he would have understood it, if she would have refused to help them.

Kenji was thrilled to finally meet this friend Tecchou talked about and he cheerfully greeted Jounou, telling him that he was happy that Jounou was okay and also telling him that Tecchou had been worried sick about him and that he was even willing to place Jounou above justice which was obviously so dear to him. (You must be really good friends then! :D)

Upon hearing this, Jounou just smiled at Tecchou who looked away,  a tiny bit embarrassed. 

Of course Jounou already knew about what happened and he had already scolded Tecchou for nearly 15 minutes for placing him above justice and his mission and for also nearly killing a whole child in his blind rage. 

He can’t deny that his cheeks had been a dark red shade upon hearing this though.

Teruko and Sigma stay far away from each other though and Tachihara keeps a respectful distance to the former casino manager too, knowing that Sigma probably never forgives them for making his casino fall from the sky, killing everyone in it but he understands it.

 That Sigma doesn’t even want to look at Teruko, whether it’s because of the guilt he feels or because of the fact that they killed the people he viewed as his family, is fully justified. At least in Tachihara’s eyes.

The Hunting Dogs now are always there to help the ADA if they would ever need more help with a case or with fighting against an enemy. 

Tachihara stayed with the Hunting Dogs but he still meets up with the Black Lizard regularly and he actually lives with Gin and Higuchi.  

Sometimes he meets up with the Black Lizard and with Chuuya at the bar to which they always went to drink and chat for the whole night like in the old times. 

There is no bad blood at all and all enjoy their meetings greatly. 

He sometimes misses his time at the Port Mafia but as long as he can meet up with them, it's alright. 

He couldn’t leave the Hunting Dogs either. 

Both, Port Mafia and Hunting Dogs are like a family to him so he tries his best, to connect both worlds as best as he can. 

At Home, with Higuchi and Gin, they don’t talk about their jobs anyways. There it is just them. No Port Mafia and no Hunting Dogs unless there is really something someone needs to talk about with their partners/unless there is something someone wants to get off their chest.

Dazai still has awful nightmares about the events at the Meursault Prison. 

Sigma also suffers from night terrors about the same events.

When Dazai wakes up from one of those nightmares again, he usually directly checks if Chuuya and Sigma are still there with him, listens to their breathing and to Chuuya’s little snores as he calms down. 

Sometimes he gets out of their bed and goes into the kitchen or the living room where he sits on the couch, staring holes in the air or staring at the ceiling while he tries to calm his racing mind down. 

Most of the time, Chuuya and Sigma wake up shortly after Dazai left the bed though and grow alarmed immediately, causing them to get out of bed in no time and to search for their boyfriend.

After they found him, Chuuya usually can tell directly what is going on and they comfort him and gently urge him to come back to bed with them.

Sigma reacts much differently than Dazai. 

He often dreams about the DoA, about Fyodor, about his casino or about falling down from the casino but most of the time, he dreams about the elevator which is crashing down with a rapid speed, with Dazai still in it. 

Those dreams are often bloody and horrifying and Sigma often wakes up screaming for Dazai, hyperventilating and crying. 

Chuuya and Dazai always calm him down and are there for him. All three of them are awful at comforting but it works for them.

Most of the time, Dazai hugs Sigma, rubs his back or gently saws back and forth while Chuuya is verbally trying to comfort him and holds his hands, caressing the back of them and assures Sigma that he’s safe here with them and that they are okay. 

They also help Sigma to calm his breathing again and gently prevent him from tugging at his hair/pulling at his hair since it’s something Sigma does when he is stressed, scared or panicking. 

They also always let Sigma talk about his nightmare and look out that his panic won’t get worse again. 

Dazai also always lets Sigma feel his pulse, knowing that this can calm Sigma down more than anything. 

He always regulates his heart beat to a calming, slow one too to calm Sigma down more when he feels his pulse.

When Sigma feels better again and Chuuya gently urges him to try to sleep again, knowing how exhausted Sigma is after the panic attack and assuring him that they won’t leave his side. 

They often lie curled up together in one big cuddle pile then, Sigma lying between them and both hugging him. 

Chuuya and Dazai often quietly talk about everything when Sigma fell asleep again. 

Dazai always stops Sigma and Chuuya from overworking themselves since both tend to do so due to Chuuya’s workaholic tendencies and due to Sigma’s anxiety and perfectionism.

Ranpo scolds the whole ADA for multiple hours that they didn’t listen to him in regards to the DoA case and brings it up over and over again.

He basically won’t let anyone forget that he warned them and that they wouldn’t listen to him.

The agency is now much more careful with accepting cases and Fukuzawa wouldn’t let anyone who was still recovering, no matter if mentally or physically, go on any more dangerous/more shady cases for the first time until they were fully recovered again. 

Ranpo moved into Poe’s mansion as well and now lives with Poe and Mushitarou. 

Mushitarou actually got together with Poe and Ranpoe after a while. 

He’s the happiest he’s been since quite a while. 

Aya often visits the ADA after school.

Fukuzawa thanked her and Lucy for their support and their selfless actions to support the ADA during the vampirism outbreak.

Bram only rarely has to go to investigate a case with others. Most of the time he is sleeping somewhere in the office. 

Now Kunikida has to scold two for sleeping/lazing around at the office during working hours.

Dazai is again trying to get Atsushi to do his paperwork, driving Kunikida crazy. 

However, when Dazai sees that Kunikida is struggling again, he sometimes snatches some papers from the stack on Kunikida’s desk and actually does a bit of Kunikida’s paperwork for him. 

At first Kunikida told him to stop but eventually he just let Dazai help him. He couldn’t stop him from doing so in any way since if Dazai really wanted to do something, there was no way of stopping him and deep inside he was thankful for Dazai’s help. 

Dazai shows Bram the most weird songs to exist.

Surprisingly, the truce between the ADA and the PM is still on going but Dazai and Chuuya already agreed to not moving into separated apartments if the truce gets broken, not wanting to give up their life living together and living together with Sigma so soon again. 

All three agreed that if the truce should get broken, they would move into an apartment which is neither close to the ADA or the PM and which belongs to neither of the organizations. 

Lovecraft sometimes comes over to meet Bram at his dorm or at the office of the ADA. Especially when it’s bad weather outside since Bram dislikes going out so Lovecraft comes to him instead of Bram meeting him at the harbor. 

The first few times he came to the ADA, everyone was very weary around him and not even Dazai made any comments. 

The very first time, even Fukuzawa came out of his office to talk with the guest, ready to fight if needed. 

By now, they are still weary about him but have gotten used to him just randomly appearing at the office or in the house where their apartments are, especially when it’s raining or storming outside.

It became a normal thing.

Kenji even sometimes offers Lovecraft some tea or snacks and greets him happily upon seeing him, asking him how he’s doing.

During the first time he visited, Lovecraft also told Kunikida that if they should ever hurt Bram or just try to do so, he would destroy the whole agency.

Bram was asleep at that moment. After he found out, he scolded Lovecraft a bit. 

Bram and Lovecraft love to complain about everything to each other. 

Lovecraft sometimes brings Bram fruits. 

Bram loves fruits. It probably has to do with him being able to transform into a bat. 

After Kenji found out about this too, he often brings Bram fresh fruits, especially when Bram has a bad day, in order to cheer him up.

Sigma teaches others how to play different card games.

Chuuya sometimes comes over to pick his partner up from work when he can leave his work early for once.

He also is always willing to pick one of them up from work if one of them isn't feeling well but the other one is stuck in a meeting. 

When Atsushi first saw Dazai again, after the latter finally was allowed to leave the infirmary again, he tackled hugged him and hugged him so tightly that Yosano had to remind him to be a bit more careful.

Atsushi refused to let Dazai go for quite a while and cried his eyes out.

Dazai was sitting there like frozen for a moment before awkwardly patting Atsushi on the back, laughing and telling him that he is happy to see him too while trying to ignore the fact that his eyes got a bit teary too. 

Kunikida and Dazai’s reunion was much quieter but also very emotional. 

They were finally able to hug it out too. 

The whole reunion of the ADA was very emotional.

The ADA  isn’t framed anymore and went back to their normal routine, even though there are a few changes and even though the war changed everyone a bit. 

They do take cases again however and even though Dazai warned them that there might be another war against another ability user, they are enjoying their time now and they are prepared a lot better for new battles than previously.

[nostalgia-tblr]

Reminding myself that I resolved not to delete any fics that have a bookmark on them😭

[viillette]

it's so crazy how few historical fiction novels are like sharon kay penman's. the way that they're built out of the skeleton of the historical record seems so obvious, but there's so few people who are actually willing to commit to it in the way that she did. it seems like so often that's just a starting point which gets reformed to fit a coherent narrative, but she makes no real attempt to do that. there's themes and foils and patterns, but first and foremost it is a reconstruction. you can't really know what someone who lived that long ago was like, only what they did, and you can feel how she takes these isolated, dramatic events and builds a whole life around them. the books are nothing more than an answer to the question 'what might someone have been like, what could the history between these people have been, to possibly explain something like this?' the ability to string together a handful of facts and events from medieval chronicles to create people that feel so real, and psychology and relationships that develop so naturally that these distant, seemingly impenetrable choices suddenly feel so immediate and clear is just beyond belief. you know this probably wasn't actually how things happened, but it doesn't matter because it was something like this. the particulars are less important the crushing awareness that at one point all of this made sense. there was a time when all of this was right now. the world is unrecognizable and exactly the same. that's something which sounds very simple but is incredibly difficult to accomplish.

you come to know these people so well, their loves and hatreds and ambitions and failures, and those things are rarely resolved in the end. you know them from the time that they're children, you watch each one of them die, and none of it means anything in particular except that they were a human being. things which seem like they must be building to some tragic fallout end in anticlimax. things which seem utterly inconsequential in the moment manifest again decades later in cataclysmic disaster. and then you see it all play out again from the beginning with their children, and their children's children. all these uncanny echoes, this endlessly unfolding palimpsest of lives, each laid over the triumphs and mistakes of those who came before. i've never read anything so epic with so much mastery over the micro and macro levels of history. it's the minute, seemingly inconsequential everyday details, which build into a lifetime, which builds into generation of lives, which builds into the rise and fall of kingdoms and empires. it's the merciless endlessly turning wheel of fortune that replays the same songs in different keys again and again for all time. a person is both an individual with free will, and the prisoner of their blood and circumstances. somehow everything has infinite weight, is tied to everything that has come before and will come after, is the culmination of someone's entire existence—their pains and joys and fears and hopes—and yet is simultaneously completely meaningless, just one more victim of fate in an endless procession of lives and choices. the whole impotent tragedy of humanity is laid out in front of you and it's so repulsive and beautiful. it's deep love and unfathomable, senseless horror briefly and miraculously reverberating in a vacuum, an absurd aberration fading into silence.

if it's not obvious these books have made me cry like 10 different times

[shopcat]

there is, Obviously, fundamentally a difference between headcanon and an analytical reading of text, and treating the two as exactly the same is not only wrong but devalues both, but funnily, i've found people tend to forget that both of these things are the product of referencing our real life experiences and applying them where we see fit to make a more interesting way to interact with media. and you can't just like, forget that it's not JUST about headcanons and meta analysis and whatever, because people in real life also still matter. and in real life, there are different stakes and EXPERIENCES, and those experiences lead to thinking the way we do because that's how you Be a goddamn person, which is why it's ironic is all 😭

like, saying zuko atla has to be cis in order to be "properly" gay in order to be Truly Compelling narratively is fucking ridiculous. textually, zuko is not actually gay. he never was intended to be, he never will be intended to be, he was never even subtextually. the assumption otherwise is already rooted in fantasy, and the tongue in cheek assertion that it isn't, which means it has more credence, is ... dumb? childish? admitting to at least yourself that the things you talk about wrt character analysis aren't the intention of the creator is literally half the point of doing said analysis – you're MEANT to throw away the intended interpretation in order to give it a new life through different keyholes without entirely divorcing itself from the text. (in the same breath, insisting the creator truly meant One Thing when they absolutely would not have/don't care at all, and ignoring that the people who made the piece are going to put their own biases and experiences and background into the media itself and actually MUST be taken into account for things like this is just ... well. Stop That.)

i've personally never been someone to ever claim that The Writers All Along INTENDED to do something that they obviously didn't, like make a character from a 2005 cartoon lgbt+. this doesn't mean that reading doesn't have any substance or cannot possibly hold any meaning, or that it's wrong. if you can't be objective about your own readings what's the damn point... leaning into it being fiction, which changes just by being observed by a different person, is why it's fun or interesting to do in the first place. and yeah there are some basic cookie cutter headcanons people like to fling around, and there can be criticism for that otherwise, but claiming headcanons themselves AREN'T an offshoot of this way of thinking is fucking stupid. like it's plain wrong.

our own thoughts on why a character acts, what they do, what their presentation is, why their personality is what it is up to and including their sexuality, gender identity, religion, JOB, whatever, are made to fill the gaps the text can't or won't provide, and in the case of lgbt ones as long as it's not actively harmful (as in like insisting a lesbian character is bi or something) it is literally harmless seeing as it is fairly solidly a "won't", along with a whole bunch of other hc material that usually don't see the light of day on-screen nonstereotypically. people seeing themselves in characters isn't new but more than that, saying that you know this but then pushing it aside because The Analysis Means More when it's Realistic And Plausible is fucking dumb. and rude. bc the entire point of drawing the line of connections this way is how WE see them. being all like "oh well, your own personal identity is still valid otherwise, don't get your feelings hurt bc it doesn't matter," is moot if you've already asserted there's only One real way to be... plausible 🤨. which is to be NORMAL ! duh.

like, the read that zuko IS gay (and cis) relies on extracting parts through the lens of our own gay perceptions and is why cishet fans don't pick up on it, but you can ask pretty much any other lgbt fan and they'll agree. zuko's narrative arc IS compelling with the read that he is gay, from the way he is ostracised by his family, neglected and abused, the "punishment" he receives and then continues to become his own warden of, the order of his death and the banishment itself, sozin criminalising homosexuality, his inability to connect with others especially his own age, his inability to seamlessly interact with girls, his literal externalised viewing of seeing himself as someone with Two Sides, them being good vs evil, realising he can change the damn world through love and acceptance, striving for peace, being the face of change for his nation, relearning what it means to be who he is once he is free from his past, the shame and humiliation rituals, the claim of his father that he is worthless as a prince and person, AND MORE... and i cannot express enough here how fucking little it matters if he's specifically gay or WHAT THE HELL EVER 😭.

to claim in no small way that it's impossible for a trans person, or a bisexual person, or anyone else lgbt, could ever line up his narrative with their own personal one is so beyond ridiculous it gives me a headache. no, "plausibly", i don't think zuko is like, transmasc. yes, plausibly, he could be gay. plausibly, he could be amab nonbinary but no one seems to actually give a fuck about that for some reason (i wonder!). nothing would change in both cases, because he's not actually either, so i really don't see the point in making fun of or being frustrated by one to lift up the other because you want cisgender boot soles to brush the back of your throat THAT badly. the implausibility of thinking any way about a fictional character should be taken into account to an extent, sure, but at the end of the day neither of us are doing anything truly worthwhile, and no one is claiming that it's the intent from the beginning to say otherwise, so what's the point here. why are we doing this. let's go skip in a meadow together before i kill someone with this rock.

[explosivequill]

My personal headcanon for Captain ✨️Horace✨️ Avery and Fin Dorsal is that they're ex-lovers. No I will not be taking questions 😃