#am reminded as i write that i literally wrote fanfic about these things

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

kira's ongoing narrative in relation to cardassia and post-genocide complication of easy stories -- not, of course, that it was not genocide, but that some people she thought of as enemies were allies, and many people who were a part of the oppressing forces, were later, in turn, the victims of a mass attempted-genocide

and the idea that she, personally, cannot hate every individual cardassian, because she genuinely wants to build and heal and what that looks like, versus many (understandably) traumatised bajorans who are still and will always be at war

it's such a complicated, ongoing, twisty-turny storyline that returns again and again, with dukat, with garak, with ghemor, with damar, with ziyal, with rugal (although he and kira don't really interact, but in terms of the wider complexity of bajoran-cardassian interactions), with marritza (I've forgotten characters I know it -- there's natima as well, although I don't think she and kira interact?)

and then her ongoing narrative related to healing vs punishment vs power with -- yes li nalas and bareil, with winn and opaka (battle lines really is the first realisation I think of kira's needs and ongoing journey), with the people she was in the resistance with, some of whom are trying to create new lives some of whom cannot, ziyal again...

i also wonder about a stitch in time, and the knowledge that cardassia's rich, spiritual life was all but stamped out by a military dictatorship, and how kira would feel about this/whether she would feel a connection with the underground religious space that survived despite it

i think the reason it (mostly, let's not go into the storyline with her mother) works is that it's something her narrative returns to over and over, like a worried tooth, not necessarily in a single straight line, but via individual stories from many directions, with this understanding that she's at the centre of this massive change and she may have to take on a leadership position in order to facilitate and hold together bajoran ideals and culture and history and pain and hope through that, and bit by bit she grows into that role. and in some ways it doesn't come across as conscious, but it builds up slowly like drops accumulating, until there's a picture there

it's so so good, and imo the most complete/successful storyline given to a character in ds9 (I think nog-and-rom as a somewhat more intimate ongoing push-and-pull storyline, and also benjamin sisko on a macro spiritual level have a similar kind of thorough exploration, if different in focus, and also - to an extent - odo). my one big thing with kira's narrative is consistently how they handled ziyal, that is my personal biggest detractor. shocking because -- perhaps with benefit of hindsight, perhaps with a little less sexism idk -- there were so many ways they could have gone with ziyal, it seemed obvious while i was watching, and yet

[davycoquette]

Questionnaire~

Thank you for the tag, @drchenquill!

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

I always call it a hobby, but almost always prefixed with some form of, "greatest," "most important," or "favorite." I think way of life fits a helluva lot better. I've been writing since I can remember.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

The journal one. I have like 900 I'm actively writing in at this very moment.

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

Cormac McCarthy. The love I have for my shitty characters. The agonizing unignorable need to put words on paper or screen.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

The singing one. I am not ashamed of my writing, but I have been taught to be ashamed of my singing lmfao. Which is weird and dumb because singing isn't something I go around telling people I can do decently - I don't tell people, "Oh, I sing," or, "I'm a singer." So, I have nothing to prove on that front, yet... I don't think I could make a peep of noise if someone said, "Sing me a song." Meanwhile, even when my writing's not at it's best, I'm like, "Yeah, I'm a writer. Here's some shit I wrote that isn't good. Sometimes I write good stuff, though."

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

I mean... in the literal sense, sure. A story looks different from the eyes of a character. By the same token, it helps me "understand" when people make choices I've not personally made. I think, for this reason, it's important to write about characters with different belief systems than we have - to write about them as sympathetic people with complex emotions. Not just to villainize or cathartically punish them, but to explore why people do the things they do and what life events might drive them in that direction. But cathartic character murder has its time and place, and who am I suggest what others write? Y'all do y'all.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

I have not used LiveJournal since I was a teen - is it still a thing people use??? That sounds nostalgic and fun. Not sure what FFN is; something to do with fanfiction? I only write original fiction, so that rules it out if so. AO3 is very cool, but the interface isn't my favorite. Also fanfic-heavy, so I never know if I've got a place there. Tumblr always freaked me right the fuck out, but the Writeblr community has proven to be my favorite writing community I've discovered online. And in a very short timespan, I might add!

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

I do not use AO3 but wordcounts can never be high enough 😎

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

Probably too many to count. Little House on the Prairie A Separate Peace The Road Fight Club (recently rewatching this was humbling because it showed me how much of my writerly personality seems to be inspired by the way it rearranged my brain chemicals) Bullet Train (I fucken love this movie) Lawn Dogs Box of Moonlight Harold and Maude (book & movie) Pride and Prejudice (book & movie)

9. What’s the highest compliment you’ve ever been given, and have you been given it?

I've received some absolute banger compliments, and I don't want to dismiss any in favor of others. My favorite compliments are often ...questions? Just things that let me know people really did read, absorb, and are interested in things I wrote. Also, my love language is when people think about me of their own volition. So, any time people come to me apropos of nothing or say "this reminds me of you/your characters/your writing, I giggle and kick my feet and do a lil' happy dance.

10. What defines your writing style?

Gritty, casual. If it was art, it'd be the kind with the sketchlines still visible. Deep, silly. Visceral, I hope.

Taglist and blank template under the cut!

@albatris

@capnmachete

@harmonic-melodii

@illarian-rambling

@michellekarnold

@nathaniel-zellos

@sableglass

@saturnine-saturneight

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life?

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective?

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

9. What’s the highest compliment you’ve ever been given, and have you been given it?

10. What defines your writing style?

[amethystina]

Fanfic Tag Thingie

I am choosing to be tagged by @miss-ingno because this sounded like fun and I need an escape from the realisation that I am literally on the edge of burnout and my life is a mess. So here we go! :D

How many works do you have on AO3?

76

What's your total AO3 word count?

2 237 636

... and I have around 200k more just sitting in my WIP folders. I can't write short things x'D

What fandoms do you write for?

Right now it's mainly various Kdramas (The Devil Judge, Black Knight, plus my bold venture into Strangers From Hell) but, before that, it was mostly The Losers, Marvel, Pacific Rim, and Teen Wolf. With the occasional detour here and there.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Who Holds the Devil (The Devil Judge, Gahan) at 3 390

Tech Support (MCU, Winteriron) at 3 217

Autonomy (MCU, Winteriron) at 3 137

I Won't Hold My Breath (MCU, Winteriron) at 2 914

Conflict of Interest (MCU, Winteriron) at 2 173

It's honestly a little wild to me that Who Holds the Devil has somehow managed to race to the top despite the other fics being at least four years older (sometimes more). And for a much bigger fandom, at that. You guys are not fucking around.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Every single one if I can, though it can sometimes take a while before I get to all of them. And I just can't help it, I guess? Partly because I want to show that I've read the comment and appreciate the time and effort that went into writing it, but also because it often gives me an opportunity to talk about my writing and the choices I made in the fic.

And, apparently, the fact that I reply to all comments has become a bit of a thing at least when it comes to Who Holds the Devil, where readers will search through my replies looking for tidbits and extra information about the fic, characters etc.

(you guys are so weird and so dedicated and I love all of you xD)

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Grief (The Losers (Comics)). Because it is, predictably, about grief and how to keep living after someone you love has died. Though I would argue that the ending has a hint of hopefulness to it since it's also about moving on from said grief?

But yeah. Definitely that one since it's Major Character Death that I choose not to fix.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally every single fic except for the one above xD I LOVE my happy endings, okay? And it's kind of difficult to rank them since it depends a lot on the setting, characters, and the personal preference of the reader.

Heck, I even managed to give my Strangers From Hell fanfic a sugary sweet happy ending! That's dedication right there!

Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, from time to time. I've gotten everything from childish insults calling me a bad writer to backhanded comments questioning my choices, writing style, grammar, spelling, dedication, intelligence, etc. I've even received more targeted, personal hate where people I thought I could trust were making fun of me behind my back in private chat rooms.

Most recently, though, it's less hate and more the "I simply must tell you that you're not writing this fic as I want you to write it" type of deal. Often paired with "It's my personal opinion and I have every right to express it." Which, fair enough. But that means I get to do the same, which I've noticed is something those kinds of commenters kind of hate. Especially when I point out that they've now made me a lot less keen to write the fanfic they're supposedly so fond of.

Turns out people don't like being reminded that their actions have consequences.

All in all, though, I've learned to just delete the comments I find too offensive or hateful.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh god no. Sex scenes are the bane of my existence and I spend the entire time writing them looking like this: ლ(ಥ益ಥლ)

I've been told I'm not bad at writing them (the ones in Until Death Do Us Unite were quite appreciated) but anything involving sex or sexual tension is just a nightmare for me. Even more so when it's supposed to be kinky or extra spicy.

So why is one of the main ships I write for right now clearly a Dom/sub ship, you ask?

Because I'm an idiot. That's why.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you've written?

I rarely do. The only crossover I've written is Resurrection where Derek Hale ends up in Purgatory together with Dean Winchester and they fight their way back to the world of the living (so Derek replaces Benny, basically).

I also have this one random fic (yet unposted) where Tony Stark and Eddie Brock are a couple (from the MCU and Venom movies, that is). But they're technically both in the Marvel universe so I'm not sure if that counts?

Long story short, crossovers aren't really my thing. I rarely write or read them.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Several, in fact, from various fandoms. Mostly into Russian, Spanish, or Mandarin. And I am honestly so flattered every time someone asks me if they can translate one of my fics 💜

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not, no. I made plans to write a fic with a friend once, but we never got to the point of actually writing it. And, in all honesty, I think that might be just as well. I'm a perfectionist and writing a fic with me would probably be very exhausting for the other party xD

What's your all-time favourite ship?

I really don't know. Like, I'm tempted to say Jensen and Cougar from The Losers, or maybe Destiel or Stony, but I think that's partly founded in comfort and nostalgia. My ships change as I do and I really can't pinpoint an all-time favourite.

But CURRENT favourite? Definitely Kang Yo Han and Kim Ga On because they present such a wonderful challenge to someone like me, who loves to go real deep into character motivations, behaviour etc. They're a delight.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm not sure. I plan to finish all the ones I've started posting but there might be some in my folders that I'll decide to abandon if I truly can't revive my interest in them. But, usually, I can.

And, speaking of that, to all my MCU peeps (if there are any of you still out there): I know you've waited six years for the Tech Support sequel but it's finally been written and just needs to be edited. It's coming, my darlings. I promise.

Basically, when I say I'll do something, I will do it — even if it takes me six goddamn years, apparently x'D

What are your writing strengths?

Characters, tone, and emotions. I'm good at capturing the essence of the characters and write them in a way that feels believable and close to canon. I'm also really good at making people feel things with my writing, I've been told. According to testimonials, my readers can often see what's happening play out inside their heads like a movie, and feel the characters' emotions as they're living through them.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from the aforementioned sex scenes? I think it's my inability to keep things short. I use a lot of unnecessary words and could definitely get better at being more concise. In a similar vein, I sometimes focus so much on the details with lengthy, wordy descriptions that I accidentally forget about the big picture, which is understandably confusing to my readers.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done it from time to time (since my man Cougar speaks Spanish) but I'm pretty careful with it. And if it's longer sentences I always make sure to double-check with a native speaker.

First fandom you wrote for?

Teen Wolf! Which, admittedly, was because I didn't care if I fucked it up x'D I enjoyed the first two seasons of Teen Wolf, make no mistake! But I chose it mainly because it wasn't the ship I was the most emotionally invested in and so I figured it wouldn't feel as bad if it turned out that I sucked. Luckily enough for me, I didn't xD

Favourite fic you've written?

Just like with the all-time favourite ship, I'm not sure if I can answer this one. Because I like all of my fics but in different ways.

I'll always have a fondness for that first huge Teen Wolf series I wrote, for example, and had a lot of fun with Autonomy because of the world-building. Same goes with Hyperborean. But Who Holds the Devil is definitely my favourite when it comes to character work. While Allies is my favourite when it comes to tone, since it ended up just the way I wanted it to. And Until Death Do Us Unite was an absolute BLAST because I got to write horror and some really weirdass shit, which I've never done before.

So, truly, I can't say. Each one I've written has something I cherish and while some definitely stand out more than others, I wouldn't be able to just pick one.

___

And that's that! I tag whoever wants to do it! :D

[enyaloveshifting]

Your desired reality is the real version (a reminder to myself).

Hi everyone! I am writing this as a message or reminder to myself, but maybe this will help other people in the same situation as me.

I have in total three desired realities, the first one is the most important and the main one, it is the dr I feel most connected with, and I always tell myself that if I had to choose only one dr I would choose that one without hesitation. The other two drs are also realities that I consider very important because they are part of me and I think I could not feel complete without those drs, so I decided to have three, each reality is about something I love and that is very important to me.

The first and the second dr are about two anime that I sincerely love with all my being, the third one mixes many things, tastes and personal preferences plus a mix of several different series and movies that I put together because I felt it had to be that way, I am a very intuitive person and when I do something it's because I feel it had to be that way.

Yesterday something "bad" happened to me regarding my second dr, I found out by chance, while reading fanfics and other things, that my s/o from that anime, had kissed someone, (in the manga I guess) I had watched that anime up to a certain point of the "plot" because the rest didn't interest me anymore and had nothing to do with my dr, so I discarded it, but finding out about this was like I had discovered an infidelity, you know? It was like a bucket of cold water, it hurt me, and even for a small moment I had the desire to abadonate that dr and stay alone with the first one, I wanted to leave everything, I doubted the shift, I felt very bad.

But as I spent many years learning and studying the law of assumption, and now non-dualism, I did not allow myself to have that negative mentality, because, what good does it do me to have those thoughts? By thinking like that I am not applying everything I learned for years, I am letting myself be carried away by the doubts and illusory thoughts of an "ego" that is also illusory. Currently, non-dualism is my philosophy of life and it has really helped me more than anything else.

So I changed my mentality and tried to see things from another perspective. What I "discovered" is not real, why should I feel so bad about it, it's just an anime, a TV series, it's something you see on a screen, it's not real, so I shouldn't be concerned or interested in the least. What is absolutely real, is my desired reality, my dr is something real that I am going to literally experience with all five senses, I am going to be there physically, that's what's real, you know? Think of it this way when something like this happens to you, that is not real! Your desired reality is the real version, you are going to experience it and live it for real like you are living this cr right now! We have to stop seeing what happens in this reality as the "canon" or real version, as if our drs were a fanfic, IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND! that's just a TV show you see on a screen, your dr is something you are going to experience in person for real, besides we already know that infinite realities, infinite universes, so why worry? it may hurt at first to see something like that, because that's what you based your dr on, but remember that it's not important, it's not real. It's like if in this reality there is a TV series based on your current life, are you going to worry about what happens there? no, because you know it's not real. That's my point. It's exactly the same thing. I am going to be (actually I am already there, but you get the point) with my s/o, in person, physically with him, I know he is MY boyfriend, we love each other and have a soul connection (my s/o is the same in my three realities but with different appearances, just like I have different facial claims, I wrote that he does too, as having multiple s/o's didn't make me feel entirely comfortable, so this was the solution. As I said before, I felt that this was the way it should be). So by applying this way of thinking, I feel much better and it does not hurt me anymore, besides, as I mentioned before, I am applying non-dualism to my life, and since I am doing it, illusory things like negative thoughts or human emotions do not affect me anymore, and if they do affect me, it lasts very little.

I know that non dualism is not for everyone and I respect it, but it really helps me a lot, mainly to release all those negative things like attachments and obsession with desires, it makes me feel free, because letting go or detaching from a desire does not mean that it does not interest you anymore, it means that you already have everything because you are everything, there is nothing to "desire" because everything is already in you, you are pure consciousness and that is the only thing there is.

I know many go through things like this, like seeing their s/o with "others", so I hope this helps you as much as it did me and you see the truth. You can also look at it from a loa point of view, like people who are manifesting someone (they call it sp) and there is a "third person" in the middle, it's the same thing. I don't follow the law of assumption so much anymore, but you are supposed to persist no matter what and ignore the 3d, that's how this works. If we're going to let what we see affect us like that, we'll never get anywhere. We have to really apply these things if we want real results, if you really want to be with the people you love. I am going to permanently shift my drs and I am going to forget everything about what I shifted and my memories of this reality (not because I hate the cr or anything, quite the opposite, I am at peace with this reality and I have a peaceful life, I just know that's how it should be, I feel it in my soul, I know it's my destiny), so if I am going to forget everything, what's the point of worrying about nonsense like this? FOCUS ON WHAT'S IMPORTANT, that's a phrase that came to me today out of the blue when I needed it most and it really applies to all of this. Work on your mindset, it doesn't matter if you follow loa, non-dualism or just reality shifting, you have the power, master your mind and you will achieve anything you set your mind to.

Love, Enya.

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE

[swaps55]

Warning, super long ask incoming! I suppose this is just a letter of fangirling in all honesty, and apologies if I accidentally already sent a half finished draft of this lol

I just wanted to let you know that I value your writing so much. I feel that I’ve fallen in love with Sam and Kaidan’s love, and that your writing is one of the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, both within fanfiction and published works. Your writing is so compelling; the romance, the world building, the characterisation, everything! Every one of your characters feel like real people with patterns and behaviours that suit them and their motivations, they’re so believable and I love following them on their journeys. I think what I love most about your writing is that you’ve mastered show, don’t tell. When I’m reading any other fiction, I feel like I’m constantly searching for what you’ve portrayed in your work. You can really tell that you’ve put such love into Opus (and your other works, I’ve reread so many of the multiverse fics too), from the research of engineering and battle strategies, to bug behaviour even!

Essentially, I just needed you to know that someone out there is thinking of your writing daily. How incredible is it that this world that lives and breathes inside of your head, has now made a home in mine.

I also wanted to ask if you would ever consider publishing any original works in the future? I would read literally anything you wrote, your art holds a very special place in my heart now, I’ve even started learning the constellations and how to cross stitch because of you!

Thank you for your patience and I hope you have a lovely week ahead ☆♡

MAN, y'all are out to kill me with kindness.

You have no idea how much it means to hear this, especially right now. Back in March I hit a burnout wall running at full speed, and have been feeling some tremendous guilt over not making much progress on Mezzo the last few months. It's hard not to constantly fret that people will immediately assume I've abandoned the story and abandon it, too, and hearing this is a reminder that's not true.

I love this world and these characters, and it's the best thing ever that not only do others love them to, but they specifically love my versions of them. That's WILD. And amazing. You're so right about how incredible it is, so thank you so much.

As for original fic, years ago, I thought that's what I wanted to do, and I worked on some original projects. But here's the problem: I love sci-fi, I only want to write sci-fi...and I'm a terrible world builder. Give me a sandbox and I will happily build a castle, but I just don't have the right skillset to construct the sandbox.

That's why I've been so happy as a fanfic writer - I get a pre-built sandbox that I can go to town in and make whatever castle I want out of it. I have thought about trying to file the serial numbers off Cantata, but the world is such an integral part of that story that I wouldn't know how to do it and still have a story that means as much as Cantata does.

HOWEVER, never say never. I am not a world builder, but I married one. Real Life Romance Option is a phenomenal world builder, and a lot of his ideas can be found in Opus (you can thank him for the Can, for instance). He is happily building his own very cool sandbox, and it's entirely possible that one day I'll tell stories in it.

But Opus comes first! I still have Mezzo to finish, and two more stories to write to get Sam the happy ending he deserves, and I'm gonna do it, no matter how long it takes.

(Also, thank you in particular for calling out the bugs, because yes, I read a lot about bugs for Mezzo, haha!)

[decepti-thots]

fanfic writer ask game, if you've time/inclination...

✨️ Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

🚦What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

The person who commented on my CDRW fic about their having the worst meet cute of all time like "this reminds me of how I met my partner :)" has to be the best comment I've ever gotten on a fic, ngl. I think of them often. I am also very fond of the person who replied to the kinktober taraprowl ficlet I did with uh. With the vivisection. Where they said. Let me get the quote. "I love that we can all agree prowl is eminently vivisectable." Literally I wrote that ficlet for that person and that person alone, despite not having previously known they existed.

I prefer to write at least slightly emotionally ambiguous and/or ambivalent endings, personally, because that's also what I like to read usually, and I find it very hard to make straightforwardly 'happy' endings feel earned. Fic is for self indulgence, and my personal brand of self indulgence goes in the following order: 1. The Emotional Uncertainty TM, 2. just really sad tbh, 3. happy endings. (I swear I dont' hate happy endings, it's not a bad third place.)

As for fanart, this is one of my favourite things ever and I am still so flattered about it hfgdhjg. But to pick another scene, the one in "saw fires from far away" with Mesothulas and the turbofox. TBH anything from that fic lol, in any guise, but I can see that specific scene in my head really clearly. ETA: oh actually, I would also kill for someone to draw any version of factory settings with CD, ostaros and prowl.

[greentrickster]

@johnconstantinesdick #👀👀 I didn’t know you were into rwby

In an absolutely wild twist, and for the sake of honesty... technically I'm not. Love a lot of the ideas and things (especially the early fights) in the first three seasons, never got past I think episode six of season one (twice (I did try)), have greatly enjoyed what I've seen of Chibi.

Like... I'm here because I crawled in through the garage window of hbomberguy's 'RWBY is Disappointing, Here's Why' video, watched a few more critiques, was unimpressed by what I heard about season four onwards, got reminded that Torchwick is so much fun, bumped into a cool idea, discovered that @elektricangel had written that idea very well in their The Divine Comedy duology, watched some AMVs, couldn't find much else focusing on Torchwick that really drew me, remembered the jack-o-lantern mythology I know, realized that, hey, all that actually fits really well with Torchwick, wrote a one shot around that involving him and Neo, went to make my escape back out the garage window, discovered that I'd accidentally lured @fullbattleregalia in here with me, who proceeded to buy and read Roman Holiday and also watch the first three seasons of RWBY and all of Chibi, and long story short the jack-o-lantern thing isn't a one-shot anymore and I've used a literal thirteen pens' worth of ink on the damn thing so far, along with a Word document containing 10k of notes for it, and I only started writing the danged thing July 23. The divine madness has consumed me, and canon dies and is reborn anew beneath my pen.

Which is to say, I'm here, I care deeply, I am writing sincerely, but also absolutely none of what I'm doing is in any way normal, but I'm not the one who left the garage window open for goblins like me to get in so really it's not my fault. >_>U

TL;DR: Yes, but only in the weirdest, most technical sense possible, because my ability to wander into a fandom and integrate without more than the absolute barest contact with the source material is second to none. Also, I cannot stress enough that I'm not here to ruin anyone's time or anything, I'm just Extremely Weird. I did a very similar thing with Scum Villain's Self-Saving System, and it's one of my favorite fandoms now. Watched a couple episodes of the donghua, never read any of the books, literally cannot get enough fanfics of these idiot men, hamster supremacy.

Also, love the Jack Zimmerman icon, very spiffy!

[smaeemo]

Order of events:

Had a freak out about the dentist

Opened ao3 and went “ACK” when I was jump scared by destiel fanfic

Went onto tiktok and watched like 10 Nara Smith videos

Kind of paid attention to this family guy episode

Now Im just chilling

#self care (?)

Sometimes I wonder if I could magically become an animated character and just jump into the tv. Ok thats such a lie, I totally have not imagined that until right now, but now I have a new thing to imagine. You know, like when you pay too much attention to the subtitles on accident, forget how to read, get really caught up in the fact that actors exist, you know that kinda stuff. But this one has like potential incentives. I almost just typed “potential inc*st” and I was giggling about it for like a nanosecond before I was like “Oh boy” and then changed it. Also, how tf do you censor stuff, like F*ck, F**k, F***, etc. Are there rules or is it like personal preference?? Ah, I just thought too much about words and like totally freaked out because I was like “How the f**k(?) do you spell thought” and then I just had a moment of reflection. Sitting alone in an apartment in a lawn chair watching family guy is peak brainrot. Honestly? I think brainrot is what makes life so interesting yk? Like how else will I stop the OCD? Therapy? Psshh (Jk im in therapy) (But you get the point). One time I had an interview with a new therapist and she was like “So what are your coping mechanisms?” and I sat there for like 2 minutes and just said “Family guy, sims 4, and Tumblr” and I will remember that moment forever because all she said was “better than drugs” and then I did not see her again. What a time to be alive. To be fair, I was in middle school. That’s not to say those coping mechanisms aren’t still alive and healthy, I have just added more to the bank (worse and better) (lol) (not lol) and I would not tell another therapist that because I found my embarassment somewhere along the way. Honestly? The best coping mechanisms I have found work, are like literally writing all of my bullsh*t (did I do it right?) thoughts onto paper, notes, google docs, or like tumblr (lol) and then I just sit here and stew in em for a bit. Poetry never worked for me, so like if you open up my “poetry journal” all you’d really find in there is just like “Today I had a panic attack, now I found that I am so scared of mountain lions” and then it ends in like “All in all, I am glady nickname isn’t marv,” Then after I write all of it, I’m like violently reality checked and just like “why am I on the floor, on tumblr, and crying” and then I get back up and watch family guy. Sometimes I just pretend Im doing a vlog and just start talking to myself. It’s like super embarassing to be caught “vlogging alone” because then you have to explain yourself and it always ends in either “omg yeah I do that too!” or “… anyways,” Oh god. I HATE ROSS GELLER. Sorry that just reminded me of that scene where Pheobe was sharing her horrifying trauma and it gets all quiet and R*ss (hahah) just goes “I think the word you are looking for is… anyways” and then proceeds to divert the attention. Also, everything about him PEEVES me. I’ve been rewatching friends as like an actual human being vs like a child, and oh my god. This is an EXPERIENCE. I would talk more about it, but like the music Im listening to just got so “vibey” that I need to listen to it and just process that I wrote an entire tumblr post that I will 100% forget about and then regret in like 20 min. But yk, gotta keep up the grind.

XOXO,

Leenya Green

[mightymizora]

hiiiiiii i come bearing asks:

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

💥find your least kudos'd fic - say something wonderful about it.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

💞 I would say the most important thing is character, followed by language. I enjoy playing with perspectives and putting people in character-expanding situations.

💥 Once You Meet Her is my least kudos’d fic and fair enough because it’s a ff7 songfic from over twenty years ago - but I wrote this when I wasn’t even ten years old! It stands up for something written by a literal child! Lmao. I put it on Ao3 with the remake because it was my first fanfic and there’s something quite sweet about that.

🧿 I sulk lmao. I don’t know. I think I don’t expect to have a wide reach with my work, it’s quite niche. I do tend to post before bed though, so I can go rest and wake up to a fresh set of eyes on it. As with all my work, I try and always remind myself that I am doing this for my own gratification at the end of the day, nobody owes me anything, if they like it that’s lovely but it’s on me to be proud of my own work.

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

hii! i know you probably don’t want to here about this any longer, so I’ll try keep my message short it probably won’t be short..

fanfic writers should be able to create whatever kind of story they want to and should be able to post it without getting criticized or constantly being demanded for more or for smut or for ‘better’ or wtv tf.

you’re doing a great job and i love all of your works so much 💗 you truly are a god at writing any genre wether it be angst, fluff, or smut, it’s just all really amazing and you put a lot of thought and effort into it. i’ve only read the first 2 chapters of your recent series, and so far it is sooo good! it’s got me hooked and i can’t wait to read more when i have the time. i just love dad!spence 😭

you do not owe anyone anything, the right people will find you and support you and some of those people already have. it’s upsetting to see that those mean people have gotten to you..

don’t feel pressured to write smut for a certain fic if that’s not what your feeling just because it’s what other people want. it’s your story, you are allowed to take it in whatever direction you want. this fandom can be a little bit much (a lot bit much) at times..

if you never write for CM ever again, i totally understand, but just so y’know i think you are the literal best at characterizing all the characters so accurately, and that goes for every character you’ve wrote for not just CM ones.

sorry if this all just sounds like gibberish to you, it’s really late where i am, i forgot half of what i wanted to say, and i’m not the best with words 😭 anyways.. i hope you have a wonderful day/night Sunny! take care 🫶

thank you so much for this really kind message! it does mean a lot to me that if I receive a few negative messages, there is an outpouring of support and love - sometimes even if there is bad, the good people can outweigh it and really remind me why I started posting fics in the first place <3

I don't know if I will ever write for CM again - after I wrote Burn The Witch in 2021, I swore off writing for Criminal Minds completely, but then I watched the show again and fanfic ideas started crawling around inside my brain and I could help it. so it might be one of those things where I tell myself that I am never going to write for CM ever again, but then - I just can't help what kind of ideas my brain leads me too. But I do know for certain that I am going to need a very long, extended break from the fandom.

anyway - thank you so much for your kind words <3 messages like this really do mean a lot to me and I am thankful that you have taken the time to write me a message like this. I will look back on this when I'm feeling down

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Your post about Daniel's LinkedIn page reminds me of a theory I had awhile back. I think Daniel wrote a "fiction" novel called The Devil's Minion back in the day, but he never got it published. He'll be reminded of it in s2 and as he's reading the old manuscript, we'll see the story onscreen

oh, that would actually be pretty cool. like we know daniel never finished the book he was writing in 85, from that one trailer. the part where they mention alice and daniel says something about never finishing the book and leaving without paying the bill. that could have been the book he was writing! i mean, probably a straight (and maybe even white) washed version of it, since it was 80s. and daniel seems to struggle with his sexuality. unless he was writing under a pseudonym, which is what he did when he wrote iwtv in the books. and

(also book lestat used a pseudonym to write his books. do you think he used daniel's pseudonym, and has basically been plagiarizing him this entire time? or did he publish under a different pen name and publish what was technically fanfic of daniel's iwtv? you don't have to answer that. i just wonder these things)

but yeah, that could have been what he was writing. maybe he meant to publish it as a sort of goodbye, or as a romantic gesture toward Armand (maybe trying to win him back? perhaps armand is tired of sharing daniel with his family? or maybe armand left him so he could have his family, but he didn't take his memories?)

then alice tells him she's pregnant. daniel realizes he can't leave her now. one kid she could manage by herself, but not two. bc it's the 80's and even though the EPA was passed in 63 it wasn't exactly strictly adhered to, and there's still that wage penalty for motherhood thing going on, and while maternity leave was given, it could still get given unpaid or underpayed. it all depended on where you worked. we didn't get fmla until 93. daniel could literally be leaving his wife and children for at least 6-12 weeks. even at 6 weeks, or hell, maybe she got those weird mom hormones and liked hulked it out and only took 4 weeks. That's still a month with no income, so the only she'd have is what's left in her and daniel's joint account, bc that's a goddamn crazy thing that married couple's do, like to this day. and daniel is drug addict, that bank account is probably in the red. and alice is probably smart if daniel falls for her, in the books his two relationships are armand and marius. armand is extremely clever. but also a manipulative bastard. marius is basically a fucking philosopher. and also a manipulative bastard. so my theory is alice is also probably smart, and at least a little bit of a bastard. so that girl definitely has a run fund.

(let me explain the run fund thing to y'all that is too young to have heard about this. when you get to a certain age--it differs depending how far down south you are--your momma pulls you aside and tells you that you need a run fund. she may not call it that, there are different names for it, or she may try to phrase it more delicately so you don't think this is just about your father, bc it applies to all men. (and if you're mom is progressive, she'll say something like, 'or maybe a woman if that's how you turn out') i am from the south. i am telling the southern tale of this, where most of us are brought up baptist, so we're supposed to not think lustful thoughts, but at the same time, there's kinda this assumption that girls are like naturally chaste. like girls don't watch porn, girls don't masturbate, girls can enjoy sex, but never desire it. at the same time there are those women. whores, sluts, hoes, bad women. and their was a tight fucking line you had to walk to prevent yourself from being one of them. you know, typical virgin/whore complex shit. anyway i think i was around 16ish when my mom told me. it's your emergency stash of money you have hid away somewhere, something secret that he (or she) doesn't know about it. it's your 'get the fuck out money'. it's your 'if something happens' money. and your momma ain't gotta tell you what if something happens means, because you already know; it's if he hits you, if he hits the kids, if he forces you into it, if he touches you like that without your permission, if he touches one of the kids like that. it's your grab the kids and go money. if you're lucky it'll get you back to family or friends who can take you in. or maybe you have enough to shack up at some cheap motel for awhile. but don't sign anything with his name, use your maiden name if you can get away with it, and never ever use any of the checks or cards with his name on it, use your cash. only your cash. take the first job you can find, no matter how shitty. but always look for something better. leave the kids with whoever you can find to keep them, and then you just keep going til you find something better and you find something better and then one day finally you can fucking breathe and you realize that you're okay that got really long and over winded but i am, so fucking high rn.

anyway, what i'm saying is alice could have reasonably had enough money to float by a month or two hidden away, but daniel wouldn't know about it anyway. so from his point of view he'd be leaving his kids with zero income for at least a month. so he couldn't be a dick and do that, he'd have to stay until at least she could go back to work.

but of course he could always leave before she has the baby, like as soon as he fucking finds out. but there's a 50/50 chance she's on his insurance because sometimes it's better to be on your spouses insurance than use your own. so he could hypothetically leave his pregnant wife without access to medical care.

maybe he decides to try to 'do the right thing' and stay with alice until she's able to make it by herself. hell, maybe he decides to stay long term bc he decides he wants to be a good father and not abandon his kids.

or he does the easy thing and is like, 'armand, babe, could we send them money? i'd feel really bad about leaving them if we didn't' and then makes puppy eyes at armand, or something more x-rated if you're nasty.

and armand is either going to erase his memory 'for his own good' so he can go live a normal human life. or daniel is going to try to call things off for good, and armand knows he won't be able to give up what they have, so his erases his memories so he can go live his mortal life, but he's like, super bitter about it. or worse option, daniel could ask armand to wipe his memories of them so he can move on.

god, i have been rambling so much. i have strayed far from the original point into what seem like random tangents, but i promise on link together in a beautiful spiderweb in brain. like that silvery stuff in that one windows loading screen or screen saver or something. i think this may be back from the windows xp days.

but my point is i really like your theory. and kinda want write fic about it one day, far away (but only with your permission of course)

[fran-in-the-deep]

Okay so, I need to get this out somewhere eventually and since this has turned out to be my writing blog, I'll just leave it here.

Clickbait Title: How I defeated my inner self doubt and have now written over 430.000 words in a year | extreme edition

Actual Summary: Me whining about how writing made me miserable, then I started writing fanfic, now have a very healthy and joy-filled relationship to writing. That writing can be fun and meaningful and I wish more people got to this point, whatever they enjoy writing, because it makes me genuinely sad to see so many writers beating themselves up over something that can be so fulfilling. And I don't mean the struggles of the writing and editing process but the constant existential justification that writers seem to have to perform. It's okay to just exist for a while.

I am one of those people who have been writing all their life and their life goal was writing a novel, publishing, becoming an author and all that. Make art, make something meaningful. I wanted to study creative writing, become an editor, the whole package.

I was also a dinosaur kind and wanted to become an Archaeologist, because nobody told me that it's actually Palaeontologists who research dinosaurs. Looking back I wish I would have stuck to this so it wouldn't take me however many years to figure out I now want to go back to it, though in a different capacity.

That is because writing was a chore, it was painful, it made me incredibly miserable. Yet it was the only thing I was good at, big fish in a small pond, small schools in rural area style. But it was always this constant perfectionism, so much pressure, so much disappointment. I have more bad memories of writing than good ones when I admit the crumbs of euphoria it sometimes caused kept me going.

Like, I hated it. The constant self doubt, knowing that I would never be good enough, that I couldn't write anything meaningful, that I just couldn't stop. I didn't even enjoy the stories I wrote myself or the feedback that I got, because as long as I wasn't publish, had really made an impact, it didn't matter anyways.

So where does this lead? That exactly a year ago I said fuck it, I don't care anymore. Fuck everyone and their high art and aspirations and having meaning and perfectionism and self doubt, just leave me alone. And I stopped writing.

For a month. And then I picked up AoT again, despite all the controversies and with no expectations and I ended up getting really invested. I started writing fanfic for it because I felt like it. I wrote by myself, for myself, no pressure and somehow ended up writing literally every free minute. You know, like Terry Pratchett did. Because it was just so, so much fun. I didn't know that writing could be so much fun.

So I wrote over 430.000 words of "bad fanfic" in a year. It was supposed to be bad, and stylistically it very much is, but even then I have fun re-reading it, because for once I'm the target audience. Because it only matters to me and that's what makes it great. And while I'm low key prouf of that number, it's not about productivity here. I haven't produced anything of merit for anyone else, and due to hospital stays and my life screeching to a halt I've had an awful lot of time to write.

Since then I've stayed out of most writing related forums because they remind me too much of how miserable I was and I just want to tell everyone in there, that they're allowed to have fun. That you can write literally whatever you want and that publishing, be it traditional or self-publishing isn't the thing that gives it meaning. You don't have to be read by a million people or make an cultural impact for your work to have meaning. I've hosted writing groups when I was in the hospital with some other patients a lot of the time now, and nothing of that will ever "matter" in the grand scheme of things but it mattered that we had a good couple hours together and they have something to remind them of that. The random funny short stories I come up for my friends with matter. My own enjoyment matters.

And it's not that I don't get it, I very much do and people are different, some kinds of writing are just not for me and that's okay. But it makes me somewhat sad seeing so many people beating themselves up about something that can be so much fun because of the mental image they have of what they have to do, of having to reach some form of grandeur so their pain was worth it, to justify their existence on this world. And for some people that works, but I'm not one of them and I hate seeing people sad, so I just want to wrap everyone in a blanket and tell them that it's okay to just exist for a while. Indulge in what you made, what you can do.

After that year I'm at the point where I felt like actually sharing what I write now, because I am petty and there isn't enough Hange fluff out there that's solely focused on them, and I can write, so I'm gonna be the change I want to see and fill that niche. (To all the other Hange writers, see you and appreciate you). And if I want to write about Levi, I just do that. Because I can, because it's fun, because I'm not owing anyone a product you pay money for. I still try my best to write a decent story, but I don't despair over it.

I don't mean to shame or blame anyone who thinks differently, if you told me that a year ago I wouldn't have taken it seriously. And there have just been many life incidents that changed my general outlook on life and whatever. Being in your early twenties is an absolute mess and things get simultaneously better and worse all the time. I've been hitting rock bottom so often all the time, especially the past half year, and writing fanfic has gotten me through it. My life might be objectively bad a lot of the time, but at least I have a good relationship to writing now. I can have fun. So that means a lot to me.

[sailoryooons]

hali hey! about fanfic asks (my answers) i haven't read all of your works but i have read some of them, sorry!

1- i'm a big yoongi biased but i was impressed by Drabble The Store, i was so intrigued by the open ending! What did they do? Did they kill Hoseok? Did they become friends? And if they did, did anyone get suspicious? Were they caught? Did they kill each other? I loved it. And my favorite series is Mixtape, besides being the first work of yours that I've read, I really liked the character development, both of the main character and yoongi.

2- Okay, but the first chapter of GOTD is precious. I don't read much fantasy, but girl, what was that?

5- I haven't read anything related to Seokjin, Tae and Jungkook yet, but I promise I will soon when I have time.

9-GOTD AND I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY? And obsidian… I need to know more about this man.

11- I really wanted you to explore The Store, but not necessarily the story if you don't want to. I loved the writing of this drabble, the fact that it's a serial killer made me love it even more because I love true crime and I miss finding a fic with this kind of plot.

12- I'm obsessed with Yoongi from Obsidian.

13- I always talk not only about your fics but about the fics of everyone I follow in general, moni's, mari's etc. to my psychologist. I don't know why I like to give her this information. When she asks me what I've been doing that's interesting since my last appointment, I tell her that I've been reading fics, and then I talk about all the fics and how they've affected me or reminded me of something from my childhood.

14- GOTD

15- When are you going to update Obsidian? LOL 😁 just kidding, I won't put that pressure on you 💗

-lilshy

HELLO HELLO OKAY I AM SHOWERED AND READY FOR THIS

1 The Store was SO much fun to write and it really made me want to write something similar but full out in like a mini-series or full series next year, maybe. Not specifically for those two characters, but the same concept of like - what happens when two serial killers meet? Everyone can make up their own ending and I love hearing the different versions, I think in my perfect ending, they probably carry out the murder together and like revel in the fact that they have found someone who shares an interest so dark. I think eventually it would lead to competition and disaster though!!

AHHH Mixtape. That story is so close to my heart because it was the first thing I really wrote and posted on here and ahhhhh it is so good. The friendships in that are my favorite part, and of course, our very honest and communicative, Naruto-sleeve having Yoongi. That story really is dear to me so I am so glad that you like it.

2 I literally do not know. I originally started that idea as being inspired by the song Lilith but then I was like what if ... he's not a dark god or demon at all, what if he's the god of dreams and desires misconstrued as something dark because he rules over the night, nightmares and so often people equate sin and desire, sort of like reader's parents wanting her to be married/thinking she is like full of sin for wanting to be free! That one really really spoke to me as I wrote it and as I write chapter two, I'm sort of amazed by the direction that story steers me in. I don't really have an outline - that's one that just sort of goes where it needs to go as I write it.

5 Honestly it's sort of criminal of me, but I do not have a ton of content for Taehyung and Jungkook. I have an okay amount for Seokjin, though I do want to write more of him in the future, but Taehyung and Jungkook desperately need more fics added to their sections on my masterlist. It's part of why I started my series Lights to get some content for Jungkook on there.

9 I am writing both of those in tandem and it's hard but it's also fun. This chapter of Obsidian is VERY VERY action packed. As a secret, I can tell you that reader gets sent to do a very dangerous job for Jimin that puts her in a bad spot, and she might need to call that number that Yoongi gave her!

11 I actually want to explore this more. I really enjoyed psychological thrillers and I love the aspect of writing from morally grey characters who do not remotely think or behave the way that we, as mostly normal people, do. I really find them so intricate to write and I want to do more of it, but because of the dark nature of the topics, I will most likely put them on Hali After Dark. I'm not super sure what I want to do yet - I am stuck between dissolving that blog and doing what I want on here or keeping myself safe from any harassment for darker themes.

12 Yoongi from Obsidian is going to be the most hot and cold character I've ever written. If I had to describe him, I think it would be that he is someone who goes from very unpredictable and chaotic to absolutely focused and razor-sharp in a second. He is very good at making people think he is... silly and not to be taken seriously.

13 I think that is really sweet. When I was going to therapy I would talk to my therapist a TON about what I was writing and how I thought it was influenced by things going on in my life, or other stories that I was reading that I found comfort and introspection in. There are a few darker stories as well that have given me SO much insight and perspective on a lot of things I've never thought about and I don't know. I feel like you learn a lot from people when you read their stories!!

15 THIS MONTH!! I promise - I have nothing that I'm focused on outside of Obsidian and Gods of the Dark right now. My goal is to finish GotD by the end of the year and then Obsidian sometime next year. That one is definitely a long fic.

Thank you for playing lil shy :) I love hearing so many thoughts and intricacies from readers, I really enjoy talking about writing and stuff!

Reverse ask game

[beck-a-leck]

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

For the writing ask meme. I'm always fascinated by people's definitions of "success" etc when it comes to fanfic (since mine is "I finished writing it")

Okay time to finally get around to answering this after working all weekend!

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

Okay this is a really complicated answer and I'm not sure if i quite have the words to put this the way I want, so a lot of things about this might sound contradictory and I'm definitely going to ramble. But considering feelings are complex and often contradictory, I suppose that's to be expected.

The tl;dr is: I write for myself. I know I can't control other people. I don't let other people dictate my happiness. Share with low to no expectations, always be pleasantly surprised.

I think first and foremost, to not take things personally, I have learned over the years and through much experience, to divorce my sense of self-worth and accomplishment and overall happiness with Other People's Opinions. It's long been a mantra of mine to not let other people dictate my happiness, and that most certainly includes sharing creative projects in online spaces.

It has been a long learning process, and something I still regularly have to remind myself of, to separate my joy/fun/accomplishment/pride/enthusiasm and all of the other wonderfully positive feelings of creating something from how Other People respond to it. That's not to say I never feel disappointment and even sadness when something I thought might do better doesn't get the response and reactions I want. When I catch myself thinking that way, I acknowledge the disappointment, but then I remind myself of what I personally got from working on whatever it was.

Things like: I had fun making it. I got to learn something new. I tried out a new ship or trope, or perhaps revisited a favorite. I set a goal and accomplished it. I got to get the ideas in my head out onto paper and shared with the world.

Most simply put: I wrote for myself, and I like the end product, and that is Good Enough. Everything that comes after (comments, kudos, hits, chatting with people about it, etc) is just bonus.

(With obvious exceptions for requests/gift exchanges) For me, writing, or any creative hobby, can be a very selfish endeavor, because I'm writing the stories I want to read. I'm writing stories for my own entertainment. And yes, as contradictory as it may seem, I'm sharing stories because I also want to see how other people respond to them. I'm sharing because I want to feel good, and engage in a fandom community, and get that every so lovely hit of dopamine every time I see someone has interacted with my thing. But I do so always with the awareness that I am my first and most important audience. Again, everyone else is just Bonus.

And when it comes to the actual sharing process of writing, I try to keep in mind that I cannot control anybody else. I can't make people read my fics, I can't make them give me kudos, I can't make them leave a comment, or bookmark my fic, or come to my tumblr and say nice things. And everybody has so many different ways of expressing their opinions for something, that I can't even guarantee something as simple as a Kudos means the same to me as it does to them.

(I don't think Empathy is the right word I'm looking for, but it's the only one coming to mind, so...) but I always try to engage any disappoint I might have with Empathy and Logic for whatever idea of a Reader who might come across my story I have in my head. I'm fully aware that my story (and literally every story ever told) is not going to be for everybody, and therefore, not every person who sees it is going to have a positive (or any) reaction to it. For any number of reasons, they looked at my story and said 'no this isn't for me' and I cannot be mad or disappointed about that because I do the exact same thing. They might even click onto the story, read a good portion of it or all of it, get to the end and say 'actually, I didn't like this' and move on. Or hell, maybe they did like the story, maybe they loved it, but they didn't have the time/internet connection/mental or emotional energy/courage to leave a comment or hit the kudos or make a bookmark and that's okay too. Again, I cannot say I have not done the same thing. (and I have a much longer, more rambling rant about Obligations in Fandom, but we won't get into that here)

I always try to keep in mind that no matter what, any interaction is still one real life human being who saw something I did, and I try to put that into perspective. A fic only having a dozen hits can be disappointing, but at the same time, that's twelve whole people I can imagine standing in front of me and reading something I wrote. Which is actually a lot of people!

And because you brought up the measure of success, which is what this question is sort of getting at without saying the word... I don't know, I guess I don't tend to apply ideas of Success to my hobbies. At least not in the way of "Either it is a Success or it's a Failure." Writing is my hobby, and my hobby is supposed to be fun, not something I do for a grade or in competition. So I don't really think of it in that way.

I think in some way it circles back to Writing for Myself.

There's a part of me that is very at peace with the knowledge that if I never shared any of my stories from this day onward, I would still be happy writing. My writing folder is chock full of half-written stories that I likely won't finish, or ideas I had that only got to being a few hundred words of disconnected scenes and bits of dialogue, and even some stories that are 90% done, but I lost interest in the project and never finished it. But I don't look at those incomplete stories as failures, or even just on a very slow road to success. They served whatever purpose I needed them for, when I had an idea buzzing around my head, someday I might go back and finish them up and share them, but it's just as likely that they'll stay as they are, with only me to look at them.

I try to remove any pressures for myself when it comes to writing, because that is how it works best for me. When things become too pressing and guilt-laden, they stop being fun, I begin to feel burnt out, and when I don't have fun writing, I just don't write. It's my hobby, it's supposed to be fun, and when it stops being fun, then I know it's time to take a break. And, for me personally, setting arbitrary rules or deadlines, and adding unnecessary pressure is one of the fastest ways to kill the fun.

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

Ignore me it's time for me to rant because I'm just so exhausted from hateful comments. Hiding it under a read more so no one has to be forced to look at my misery.

I got a piece of (already now deleted) hatemail on my fanfic of Brothers, A Tale of Three Hedgehogs. A hatemail that was critical of the fact that the Triple S bois aren't exactly like their game selves. Honestly, I'm mad as hell that I write fanfiction, damn good fanfiction at that, and frequently get met with criticism that my take on the characters (Donald Duck, Sonic, Mabel Pines, Della Duck, etc) are "not in character"

I mean first of all, I really do attempt to BALANCE what the character would do/say/react canonically with where my stories take them. But damnit I'm not writing stuff that's canon compliant! Almost everything I write is tagged with AU for fucks sake. I am not writing little adventures that could go along side the canon, I am creating entire versions that are meant to be their own thing. No Donald Duck does not canonically try to kill himself in Ducktales 2017 and have to embark on a long mental health journey to recover afterwards, there's no fucking way to say what Donald would or would not do in that situation because Disney wouldn't touch that story with a 10 foot pole! Or ew why is Shadow still so hung up on the past in Brothers A Tale of Three Hedgehogs, why does Sonic still have feelings for Sally or why does he even care in the first place since their relationship has been retconned by Sega. Because I fucking want to write a story that takes SatAM, Sonic X, and a good chunk of the games - which may I remind you are all VERY different types of source material with their own takes on the characters - and rolls it all into one story. Because in that story I need the characters to have growth and change and be affected by the things they've gone through! Stagnant characters won't work for this story! Or why is Mabel Pines depressed in your fic, she's 13. Because fucking hell my dude, I was once a depressed 13 year old too! I know what it's like! So I wanted to write a story about it!

BECAUSE IT'S A STORY. I AM NOT BOUND BY THE RULES SET BY THE IP OWNERS. It's fanfiction! I am free to write whatever I want!

Like oh my God. You do not have to like it when I or anyone else writes characters in a non canon compliant way. You are free to feel that way. But good GRIEF what is the freaking POINT of pouncing into mine or anyone's inbox and saying how you're a bad writer because your version doesn't align with canon, you're a bad writer because you wrote the characters in a way I DON'T LIKE, on and on and on! Wtf! Do you people who do this shit also climb into smut fics and pull this same stunt? "Uh well ACTUALLY, we never see XYZ character engage in sexual activity so THEREFORE this fic is out of character!"

Do you hear how dumb that sounds???

I don't read smut fics so hell, maybe they are, IDK. That's besides the point though.

Just. Fucking hell. Have fanfic readers of today forgotten the old wisdom of "Don't like it, don't read it?" Yes that's normally applied to shipping content but god, please apply it to literally everything when it comes to fanfiction. There is this WONDERFUL TOOL at your dispense when you wind up reading a fanfiction you don't like like. It is called the back button. You know what is an infinitely better thing to do than write a hateful comment or fucks sake a series of extremely hateful and threatening anons on the author's Tumblr account??? Backing out of that fic and moving on with your life.

I mean fuck I'm very sorry for ranting on and on about this but it's 1:30am and I've already had such a rough day, I got real excited to see someone commented on my fic only to receive a long angry criticism that I'm not writing in character and that failure on my part is ruining their enjoyment so badly thar they can't even bring themselves to leave me kudos! Like, buddy! Oh pal, my good sir, instead of wasting your time, just LEAVE! It's okay to just leave and not say a word!

"Tombs, why do you care? Just ignore the haters-"

No. You know what. No. I can't. Okay? I work HARD on what I write. I don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea, I don't expect people to sing my praises from the heavens, no! But for FUCKS SAKE. Life is so shitty! I don't want to even exist most days! I've been having to fight all this mental illness for years without any help thanks to living in the middle of nowhere and I'm still frequently suicidal - I seriously contemplate checking myself into a hospital again sometimes! I would just like to be able to write whatever story I'm focused on at the time in peace okay??? I try to not complain that it's disappointing to not get much positive attention on what I write. But the frequent hate mail on TA&TA and now this on Brothers, it's E X H A U S T I N G. I'm TRYING to live my life and make things work and not be a completely bitter and mean person like my mother was or turn to her vices. I'm freaking trying to do what I can. I just CAN'T with this damn hatemail on my stories though or especially the god awful anons people send me sometimes, PLEASE just leave me alone if you don't like what I make!