#and 1. ive been mutuals with some of you way longer than i thought

[newtness532]

you know how tumblr has the "following each other for x amount of time"? they should add an "unfollowed x time ago" to know how long has been since you no longer are mutuals with someone

[iniziare]

Little Kafka™ Things (or a fair attempt at 'little'). I used to write lists with little random tidbits about my characters, which I came to realize tonight that I sorely missed making. So let's throw a little thing together for Kafka, as I've been hooked up to a salt IV about her, and I need some sanity. Some of these may be old news to oldie mutuals, but it's a new blog, so here we are. Time to start over, and start with basics. I'll elaborate on some in later posts.

The best way to describe Kafka, in my opinion, is a woman from a bygone era. While a beautiful mix of the olden days and the new, she very much oozes the former more than the latter. She is refined, sophisticated, cultured, and archaic in her tastes. Her fashion preferences (what she wears or what we know she has in her possession) include overcoats and velvet coats, both quite vintage, or rather "old-school". A shirt/blouse with ruffled cuffs? Quite an ode to an age long past (Victorian), even choosing to wear gloves outside of formal occasions/positions is quite the unusual choice. Outside of that, the katana is the samurai's blade, an ancient choice, it's not really utilized anymore, at least not in the same capacities, or with the same weight. The classical music? It's no longer really listened to. I once saw her referenced as foreign. Perfect.

Age-wise, she sits comfortably in the earlier half of the 30s, not a year younger.

Yes, it is noted (though mind you, by Silver Wolf) that she likes the occasional 'fabulous' thing, which hints at her having a bit of a refined palate, but that does not make her materialistic. It simply needs to fit in with #1. I mean look, a pearl earring, an ensemble of silver jewelry without a speck of gold (except on her default overcoat).

On that note, she's also very specific in perfumes, her signature would be Yves Saint Laurent's "Black Opium". Something that just like her, 'promises without unraveling, and tells without really telling, making it the perfect expression of femininity and grace.'

She is cleanly, and does not enjoy a mess, in her surroundings or on her person, but especially the latter. I will never budge on this, as her trailer empowers the thought and nothing has countered it since. Do we remember how she was fixing up her cuffs in the prologue after having engaged in combat? Yes, I know it's a little things, welcome, they arguably mean the most. A stain anywhere, blood? Absolutely not. As for her surroundings, please imagine her lifting an empty pizza box or whatever has been munched on from the sofa with a groan of "How many times will you leave these laying around, Silver Wolf?" Is it that much to ask that you clean up after yourself? And to return to the last point for one more moment, I swear, if anyone gets even a drop of blood on her coat or shirt, or sheets, she's not thrilled. Dry cleaning bill goes to you.

She gets bored incredibly easily. And while she has quite the manners to fit her overall 'essence', you might come across her attention having deviated a bit, granted, usually this will only be after you've been made aware of it. But this is to say, she will not get along with just about everyone. She's also not 'one of the young ones', she does not have the same interests, and though she'll find herself oddly enjoying a game of Origami Bird Clash, it's really because of Silver Wolf. All in all, if you can intrigue her, poke her curiosity, or you have a mind that interests her, then you're good. But you, and not what you can do, need to be interesting. Remember, the following quote is incredibly important for her character across the board: "She must have sought something extraordinary. everything she does comes at a great cost."

The order in which I believe she gets along with the Stellaron Hunters most, based on what canon has given and shown us so far, is as follows: Blade and Elio (in both vastly different ways), Silver Wolf, and then Firefly.

Kafka has an incredibly interesting view of destiny, and while this is something that warrants an entirely separate meta, I want to iterate the following so that no assumptions are made. As much as she speaks of 'The future is like a labyrinth: every divergence is merely an inducement. There is only one real path." And similar quotes, it is also incredibly important that (alongside another very interesting way of answering an earlier 'Is the future predetermined?', with specifically: "No, but what is predetermined is the future that has value.') this was a fundamental moment in her SQ that needed a great cost to obtain:

Trailblazer: Is destiny predetermined? Kafka: ... (If Kafka says the truth) Kafka: No (If Kafka says the lie) Kafka: Yes

[neverwashere]

disconnect

for a while now i have been worried that my friendships are superficial. it feels like we met through a mutual who no longer exists and we never really got past that stage of small talk and awkward little hi's in the hallway.

when i thought about it (i did a lot of this), i couldnt decide why that was. i showed care for them and they showed care for me, but conversations felt limp and shallow, little more than listening to each other geek out about an interest or hobby. it didnt help that they opened up a lot easier than i did about their problems, either because their problems were simpler in scope or they were just more comfortable in asking for help. this made it feel like they were the ones doing the emotional heavy lifting and that i wasnt reciprocating properly, making the relationship feel out of my control, like they could decide i wasnt cool anymore and just disappear. basically i couldnt tell if my friendships were totally normal and i was just expecting a little too much or if i was just so socially inept that my friends werent really any more than acquaintances.

in the past few weeks, ive been able to somewhat label the problem: i felt like what was missing in my friends was a sense of wonder, not just about the world, but also about the people around them. i asked them questions about their lives, their perspectives, pretty much whatever i didnt already know, but they never seemed to want to talk about the mundane. i have to really dig to get them to tell me something interesting other than "i went and did (thing) and it was fun". whereas when they ask me how ive been, i try to tell them anything that i thought was interesting; there was a cat outside today and we played with it, almost got run over by a dude on an ebike, etc etc. my friends dont seem to share the same interest in being or dont feel like it is worth sharing.

i recently took an mbti personality test just for the funzies (im an intp-something) and what it told me answered my questions pretty well. my friends lack intellectual depth. not calling them stupid, but the intellectual curiosity that makes my brain work the way it does. thats why i decided tumblr would be my trashbin; i didnt have anyone to tell my thoughts to who would be interested. my friends are more preoccupied with their futures or whatever kpop or cdrama person they have an obsession with at any given time. its not that i havent tried to express some of my deeper thoughts to them - they just werent interested. i yapped on and on about brain 1 and brain 2, the difference between the human and the mind, and Friend just responded with the polite yeahs you gets from a nephew who just wants to finish his game.

it all just leaves me with a question: should i learn to think like they do? or should i find someone who thinks like me?

[iam93percentstardust]

Hello. I am very interested with WinterIron. Enemies to Lovers, abo with omega Tony, accidental bonding, mutual pining, a lot and a loooootttttt of kissing and touching (with "I do it because of bond" excuses).

Please feel free to cross anything you feel uncomfortable with.

Hi there! I wasn't able to get everything in there, but hopefully there's enough? I loved this prompt so much, it was a fun verse to write in 💙

CW for omegas having few rights in this verse and for creepy Aldrich Killian

As always, everything I write can also be found on ao3

~

mate bond: [meyt bond] noun

1. A mental and physical connection that ties two people together following a mating bite

2. A pair bond between spouses

~

[An excerpt from The Other Half of My Soul: An Exploration into Unconventional Bonding Methods by Anderson-Lopez et al, 1972]

“While rare, it is important to note the existence of mate bonds in individuals who have not exchanged bites. These instances have notably occurred during times of high stress for one or both individuals, and are sparked by an inciting incident of some kind, usually a traumatic event. While these types of mate bonds, dubbed soulmate bonds by the media, frequently occur between individuals who are highly compatible, it is not necessary. Curiously, however, it does seem necessary that the individuals are scent matched for a soulmate bond, even though compatible second genders are not a requirement.”

~

Bucky maintained that it was an accident.

Tony had been meant for Steve, after all. That was the arrangement Howard Stark had decided on with Fury. Bucky had only come along as moral support for the first meeting between Steve and Tony. He wasn’t even supposed to meet Tony first, but the crowded ballroom had been too much for him, so he’d ducked out into the hallway, only to come across two alphas menacing an omega. He supposed that some of Steve’s fiery nature must have rubbed off on him, as he normally would have never taken on two alphas by himself, not when he was down an arm. But he’d taken one look at that omega, pretty brown eyes wide with distress, and leapt into action. It hadn’t been until both alphas had been sent off running with their tails between their legs that he’d realized the omega he’d rescued was Tony Stark, Steve’s arranged mate.

Unfortunately (fortunately? No, definitely unfortunately), the arranged match would never come to fruition as Bucky and Tony had looked at each other and immediately bonded without a shared word or bite between them.

Howard was furious, Fury less so—Bucky was still a SHIELD agent, even if he wasn’t the great Captain America, so the planned union between SHIELD and SI would still happen—but both Bucky and Tony insisted that it hadn’t been done on purpose. And, as neither had a mating bite but could still feel the other at the back of their mind, it was hard to disprove the existence of what had once been called a soulmate bond, though was now called the rather unglamorous name of Mate Bond Subtype C, which Bucky thought sounded like an illness.

The media thought it was the most romantic thing they’d ever heard. Steve, who was slowly courting another alpha from SHIELD, thought it was a relief. Bucky, who didn’t want an omega while he was still recovering from the surgery on his arm, thought it was a nightmare at first.

He didn’t know what Tony thought.

They might have shared a bond between them, but Tony had quickly figured out how to shield his feelings. It had taken Bucky a little bit more practice but he too had worked out how to keep his thoughts and feelings private, which was good, because he doubted Tony would like to know what he was thinking.

They’d been bonded for three months and, while Bucky had moved into Tony’s penthouse apartment, they didn’t share a room, let alone a bed. He still took long missions that took him away for weeks at a time. Tony spent more time at SI’s research labs than he did at home. Bucky hadn’t shared Tony’s heat, nor had Tony shared Bucky’s rut, though neither of them had invited anyone else into their beds. And other than their planned public outings where they had to touch to put on the façade of a happily bonded couple, they didn’t hold hands or kiss or lean into each other, giggling.

The problem was—Bucky wanted all of that. He wanted to sleep curled around Tony. He wanted the two of them to be home long enough to share more than one dinner together at a time. He desperately wanted to share cycles, but even more badly than that, he wanted to touch Tony as often as the omega could stand it. Because the problem was also this—sometime in the course of three months, he’d fallen in love.

~

Tony slid his hand into Bucky’s as they stood in the elevator. “It’s just a quick walk around the ballroom, say hi to a couple investors, and then we can leave,” he said reassuringly, giving Bucky a quick smile. “I know how much you hate these shindigs.”

This was true, Bucky did hate them, but he knew that Tony hated them just as much, though he hid it much better than Bucky did. “Don’t worry,” he replied, squeezing Tony’s hand quickly. “I’ll stick to you like glue.”

“Well, maybe not like glue. Like Velcro, maybe. Howard’s got a couple investors that I know he wants me to meet and that I know you’ll hate so you’re more than welcome to go off and find people more to your liking then. I heard Steve’s coming.”

Bucky had to fight to hide a frown. He knew Tony didn’t mean any harm by the comment, but he hated how Tony thought he wouldn’t want to be by his side even when meeting people he didn’t like. So what if he didn’t like them? He’d still prefer to be giving Tony silent support instead of wandering off and leaving him alone for that long.

Before he can respond, the elevator came to a smooth stop, the doors opening on a soft ding to reveal the glittering ballroom Maria Stark had chosen to host the Annual Stark Foundation’s Shareholders’ Ball, meant to honor those who had given so generously to charity over the last year. The room was decorated in delicate ice-like structures, calling to mind the snow blanketing the city outside, though it wasn’t nearly as cold inside. Golden chandeliers reflected off the dark windows, giving the impression of a never-ending stretch of light. It was all so very glitzy and glamorous. Bucky hated it. It was an obscene display of wealth, meant solely to remind everyone that the Starks were richer than anyone else in the room.

“One hour, Bucky Bear,” Tony murmured like he could hear Bucky’s thoughts. “And then we can go get burgers.”

He dropped Bucky’s hand in favor of sliding his own into the crook of Bucky’s elbow, gently steering him towards the first group of investors. Like every other rich person he’d met since bonding with Tony, they were simultaneously smug of their own “generosity” (mere pennies compared to their bank accounts) and jealous, both of Tony’s wealth and Bucky’s luck in landing a Stark (not his words). The smugness was blatant, the jealousy only slightly hidden in the way their eyes lingered as Bucky took the opportunity to brush his lips across Tony’s cheek, quietly telling him he was going to go get them drinks.

“I’ll be back before you even have time to miss me,” he promised, understanding the minute tightness at the corners of Tony’s eyes.

Tony smiled and nodded, attention already turning back to the investors—or, more likely, to his latest project, however much it might have looked like he was paying attention to Hugh Worthington IV. Bucky slipped through the crowd to the bar. Fortunately, it wasn’t crowded yet and he was able to order a whiskey for himself and a scotch for Tony, who always refused to drink the fruity drinks he actually preferred at these parties, almost immediately. As he waited, he turned back to the crowd, idly scanning it. Steve wasn’t there yet, if it was indeed true that Fury had managed to stuff him into a suit and send him off to schmooze. His eyes sought out Tony, who was laughing as he excused himself from the group Bucky had left him with, moving on to another small throng of people.

He smiled despite himself. Tony was lovely like this, despite his discomfort. Bucky got to see him laugh so rarely at home that he cherished every moment he got to see it while they were out in public.

“Sir, your drinks,” the bartender prompted. He thanked them absently and left a tip on the bar before making his way back across the ballroom to Tony’s side.

Tony wasn’t laughing now. In fact, if his pursed lips were anything to go off of, he was pretty furious, and Bucky wondered what had upset him between him leaving the bar and him returning to Tony’s side.

“Doll,” he said, letting Tony know he was there. Tony turned and took his drink, thanking him with a quick kiss that Bucky desperately wanted to turn into a longer, sweeter one.

“Honey, Senator Stern here was just telling me about an omega’s rights bill he filibustered so it wouldn’t pass,” Tony said, irritation bleeding into his tone.

“Now isn’t that interesting,” Bucky drawled, irritated himself. The bill in question was a law that he knew Tony had backed, as it would have put a stop to the arranged bondings the wealthy were so fond of. They’d both known it would be a longshot to pass, but they’d remained hopeful. “That’s the one that Stevie supported isn’t it?”

“It is,” Tony agreed. “My alpha here—” He patted Bucky’s chest. “—is close friends with Captain Rogers. They grew up together, you know. Steve spends nearly every Saturday evening with us. I’m sure he’ll be delighted to hear about this bill failing to pass. Isn’t he supposed to be putting in an appearance at the Senate hearing next week? It would be such a shame if he couldn’t make it.”

Tony’s statement was only partially true. Bucky mostly saw Steve at SHIELD, as Steve, despite being always welcome at their apartment, didn’t want to be reminded of how close he’d come to an arranged bonding of his own. But Steve, who had been an omega before receiving the serum, had always been an outspoken supporter of omega’s rights, and now that he was an alpha, and Captain America to boot, he used every bit of that privilege to push as much pro-omega legislature through Congress as he could. He was a thorn in conservative senators’ sides, like Stern, and it was a minor miracle that they’d gotten him to appear in front of Congress to talk positively about a Republican bill supporting an expansion of benefits for veterans, when he normally disagreed with anything Republican just on principle. Steve’s support would go a long way toward getting that bill passed.

Tony’s veiled threat was effective. Stern, one of the authors of the bill, blanched, making Bucky smile. He loved watching Tony do his thing. There was really nothing better than Tony putting bullies like Stern back in their place.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Stern stammered out before hurrying away.

As soon as he was gone, Tony drooped, leaning back against Bucky. It was nice, being able to lend his support to his omega, but Tony was standing up straight again after only a moment, the façade falling back over him.

“I really hate that guy,” Tony said softly. He looked up at Bucky. “Sorry about using your friendship with Steve like that. I was just so angry. Saw red for a second there.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Bucky said. Impulsively, he reached out to clasp Tony’s shoulder, running his thumb soothingly over the soft skin just above his shirt collar. “You guys got a bad lot in life. You do what you gotta do to make it right.”

Tony hummed. “I really wanted that bill to pass. It wasn’t right, what Howard and Fury wanted me to do. I don’t want anyone else to have to go through that.”

“Sorry,” Bucky offered up. It was a lame apology, but he didn’t know what else he could say to make it better. He knew very well that if he and Tony hadn’t bonded that night, Steve would be Tony’s alpha.

To his surprise, Tony smiled and nudged his shoulder, teasing, “I don’t know, you’re not so bad.”

Bucky sputtered, nearly choking on his whiskey.

“Oh, look, Steve’s just arrived,” Tony said airily, like he hadn’t noticed the effect his words were having on Bucky. “Let’s go say hi.”

Talking to Steve at these events was always awkward. Tony and Steve were both aware that neither of them wanted anything to do with each other as mates, which made having to see each other a study in unspoken tension. He didn’t think it was that either of them had a problem with the other, and he suspected that they could even manage to be friends eventually, but it was that knowledge that they’d nearly been forced to mate that made things so tense between them. Still, he appreciated that Tony was willing to put up with it so that Bucky could see his best friend. It was the sort of small kindness that Tony unthinkingly did that had made Bucky fall in love with him so easily.

Tonight was no different. Tony and Steve exchanged no more than a few awkward words before Tony excused himself to go meet with Emma Frost. He didn’t bother kissing Bucky this time, as Steve was one of the few people they didn’t have to pretend with and it didn’t seem like anyone was watching them at the moment. It would have been different if they’d met up a few months ago. There’d been more than a few people who’d somehow got it into their heads that Steve and Tony’s proposed bond was a love match instead of arranged, and they’d all watched eagerly to see how Steve, Tony, and Bucky interacted in those days following Bucky and Tony’s bonding, clearly wondering if Steve was going to pick a fight. They’d been sorely disappointed, of course; Steve and Bucky didn’t fight over anything, let alone an omega that Steve hadn’t wanted.

“So Fury roped you into the dog and pony show, huh,” Bucky asked, eyeing the stiff collar of Steve’s shirt. He’d be willing to bet that it was brand new. Steve was much more at home in a pair of khakis and a flannel shirt than he was in a tuxedo.

“Senator Brandt actually,” Steve said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “He thinks it’s good for me to make appearances and drum up support for SHIELD.”

“Sucks.” There was a niggling worry growing at the back of his mind, unrelated to Steve’s complaints about the brass, but Bucky didn’t know what it was. He glanced around the room, but was unable to spot anything amiss. He tried to put it out of his mind by asking, “How’s working with the Commandos?” He couldn’t entirely keep the bitterness out of his voice. Bucky had been moved out of the Commandos unit a few weeks before meeting Tony, and it wasn’t that he didn’t like being on Strike Team Delta, but he was still irritated that he hadn’t had a choice in the matter.

“Not the same without you,” Steve said, grimacing at him like he knew what was going through Bucky’s mind.

They continued talking about SHIELD as they slowly circulated the room and all the while, that worry was growing stronger, slowly morphing into fear, but it wasn’t until he happened to catch a glimpse of Tony standing in the corner and looking tense and unhappy that he realized they weren’t his feelings. They were Tony’s. Tony was worried and scared and had brought down his shields so that Bucky could feel his emotions and Bucky was standing on the other side of the room like an idiot.

“Excuse me,” he said brusquely, cutting Steve off. “Tony’s in trouble.”

He headed straight for Tony, pushing through the crowd without sparing a thought to anyone he might be offending as he shoved them aside. For once, it was Steve who was trailing after him, offering apologies to everyone who looked offended.

There was a look of naked relief in Tony’s eyes as Bucky marched up behind the alpha Tony was talking to. It was a look he’d never seen on Tony’s face before, at least not directed at him, and he wasn’t sure if he liked that his omega was happy to have him there or disliked that Tony had to be relieved at all.

“Something wrong, doll?” he asked, hand clamping down on the alpha’s shoulder.

“Bucky,” Tony breathed. He sagged back against the wall. “This is Aldrich Killian. He’d like to propose—” Tony’s mouth twisted unhappily. “He’d like to propose an omega trade. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he insisted on talking to you.”

Anger flared in Bucky’s chest, hot and furious. Omega trades weren’t common anymore, used mostly in backroom deals to secure a transaction. You treat my omega right and I’ll treat your omega right, and maybe we can have a deal. He knew the rich, traditional alphas Tony had grown up with still occasionally used them, but he hated them. He’d always hated them. The very concept treated omegas like property, like hostages, and the thought of seeing Tony—his Tony—under someone else had his vision shading red.

“Is that so?” he hissed.

Killian, the idiot, didn’t seem to notice Bucky’s growing anger. “Maya’s a great—” he began to say.

Bucky cut him off with a hand around his throat, slamming him into the wall.

“Bucky—” Steve started, a warning in his voice.

“Tell them it’s SHIELD business,” he snapped. “Isn’t that the usual excuse?”

What Steve did to placate the crowd growing around them, he didn’t know; he was too intent on Killian to care. “Let me get this straight,” he growled. “You asked Tony for a trade and when he told you no, because I know him, he wouldn’t ever want that and he wouldn’t be quiet about it, you cornered him and insisted you’d only listen to a no from me.” It wasn’t a question. Tony’s thoughts and emotions were flooding him with what Killian had tried to do to him. He growled again at the image of Killian’s hand on Tony’s arm, removed after only a moment. This—this—alpha had tried to put his hands on Tony, had ignored his clear no, and was still babbling on about whatever business deal he wanted out of Bucky—or, more likely, Tony, though as an omega, Tony wouldn’t be able to make that decision.

“It’s a yes or no question, Killian,” he finally snapped, losing his temper. “Did you or did you not ignore Tony’s answer—"

“He’s an omega,” Killian tried.

“He’s a person. He’s a person who was clearly uncomfortable with you and you should never have ignored that. The only reason you’re still standing and not laid out on the floor is because he cares about making a scene, but guess what, I don’t.” His hand tightened on Killian’s throat, making the man wheeze. “Do—”

“Bucky,” Tony said quietly, cutting through his anger.

Without removing his hand from Killian, he looked at Tony. Tony still looked a little shaken, but there was something else in his eyes, something that Bucky didn’t know how to describe.

“Let him go,” Tony continued. “You made your point.”

“He—”

“Yeah, he did,” Tony said, knowing what he was going to say. Bucky wondered if his own shields were down, letting Tony read his thoughts and feelings. “And you were here to stop it, so it’s okay. Let him go, we can go get burgers.”

He didn’t want to. He wanted to make sure Killian never laid hands on someone unwilling ever again, but then Steve was there, carefully pulling Bucky away as he muttered to him about seeing what Fury could do about Killian. And that wasn’t exactly what Bucky wanted, but it was better than nothing, and taking care of Tony was his priority anyway. So since Tony wanted burgers, he would go get burgers.

He spun on his heels, intent on heading to the elevators, only to freezes as soon as he saw Tony. They were supposed to be faking it, which meant that he should do something—wrap an arm around Tony’s waist or kiss his forehead or—or something. But Tony had just had to deal with an unwelcome touch. He shouldn’t have to deal with another one so soon afterwards.

Tony surprised him though by stepping forward and sliding his hand into Bucky’s, interlacing their fingers. “Come on, alpha. Let’s go home,” he said, leading Bucky through the crowd watching them. Bucky ignored them in favor of drinking in the sight of Tony whole and healthy, if not happy.

They were quiet in the elevator ride back down to the parking garage, quiet as they climbed into the back of the car, quiet as Happy pulled out onto the road. Then Tony slid across the backseat to tuck up against Bucky’s side. He rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder, and, after a moment, Bucky rested his cheek against Tony’s curls.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t,” Tony said. Bucky could feel the truth in his words through their bond, and he realized that Tony hadn’t put his mental shields back up. “I wouldn’t have asked for your help if I hadn’t been expecting something like that.”

“Shouldn’t have taken it so far though. I know you’re not—we’re not—” He grimaced as he fumbled over the words. He’d been able to admit for three months that he and Tony weren’t in a relationship, why was it so hard now?

Tony hesitated before carefully saying, “We could be.”

“We—what?”

“Bucky Bear,” Tony said warmly, sitting up so he could look him in the eyes. “You have to know—people don’t just do what you did tonight or the night we met, for that matter. Not for me. I—I don’t know, the way we bonded, it threw me off. I wasn’t expecting it and I reacted badly. But—then the way you reacted to Killian got me thinking—maybe we could try?”

“Try?” Bucky whispered.

“Try us?” Tony asked, leaning back in slowly, giving Bucky enough time to move away if he wanted to.

He didn’t want to. “Yeah,” he breathed. “We could try. I—I’d like that.”

Tony smiled at him, bright and lovely, and closed the distance between them.

[anntoldst0ries]

Everything else is just the weather

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count: ~5.3k (I sinned!) Summary: Ethan takes Elle out on their “first” date. Category: Fluff Warnings: None

A/N: It has literally taken me ages to finish this fic. To the point that I couldn’t look at it anymore, but here it is. I had it in mind for a really long time and now that OH is back, I feel like I’m ready to show it to the world. As always thank you for your support and I hope you like it!

This fic is part 2 of birthday present for my friend, part 1 is the fan art which you can see here. Once you read the fic, the fan art makes more sense :)

This is my submission for CFWC Silly Love Stories, Day 12: Date night.

Loud knocks resonated throughout the room. 

"Come in!"

"Good morning, Mrs. Peterson.”

“Good morning, Dr Valentine. I think you are the only doctor in this hospital with some sort of manners, everyone else just waltzes in here as if it was a damn barn!”

“Hospital or no hospital, everyone has their right to privacy.”

“Thank you, child. Once again, please call me Faye."

"Alright Faye, but only if you call me Elle.” She smiled sweetly, and the whole room seemed to be suddenly lit by a thousand suns.

“How are you feeling? Are the meds making a difference?"

"They are. I am ready to be discharged today.”

"Not so fast. I am not ready to say goodbye to you yet."

“Why would you possibly like to be lumbered with an old nuisance like me for even a second longer than necessary?”

Elle just laughed and shook her head. The ‘nuisance’, as the elderly lady so lovingly put it, was exactly what she loved about her job. She loved spending time with her patients, she loved their stories and their worldly wisdom. It made her sad to see how many of them thought they didn’t matter or considered themselves and their lives boring. To her, they were anything but. 

Many of Edenbrook’s staff members kept asking themselves: what is it about her? She was a great doctor, no two ways about it, and she was a genuinely nice person. But what was the source of power she had over people? If she woke up one day and decided to start a rebellion, patients would have most certainly followed her, even if it meant they’d be leaving the premises of the hospital with naked butts or trailing their IVs behind them. Doctors, nurses, administration, cleaners and security would follow shortly. She only had to say a word.

And how on Earth was she capable of turning Dr Ramsey, the grizzly bear of Edenbrook, into a benign teddy bear with as little as one look? It was beyond everyone’s apprehension.

Had they spent more time actually observing her, rather than gossiping in the corners, the answer would have unveiled in front of them within minutes.

It was very simple.

Noelle was truly curious about people. She genuinely liked them and was determined to get to know their story, for it helped her diagnose them faster and also satiated the young doctor’s hunger for knowledge.

Patients never felt like “curious cases” or “numbers” in her presence. They were… themselves - people with hopes, dreams, fears, pet peeves and odd habits. They were human. 

So little and yet so much.

Those never touched by serious illnesses often failed to understand that sickness strips you of your dignity and becomes your identity. Your true self becomes covered by this weird, annoying sticker that wouldn’t come off no matter how hard you tried to remove it. 

But this young woman, despite the nature of her profession, somehow managed to notice what was hiding beneath this misleading layer.

Had all these gossipers spoken to her patients, that’s exactly what they would have heard.

"What's happening today?" The older lady asked with a flick of curiosity in her wrinkle-haloed eyes.

"What do you mean, Faye?" The young doctor sounded genuinely baffled by the out-of-the-blue question.

"Well, I am no diagnostician, but I believe I am rather observant and you radiate with happiness. Something special is happening today, am I right?"

"Yeah, you are right." Elle blushed like a teenager caught in a lie. "My boyfriend is taking me on a surprise date today, but he won’t say a word about it, so I'm super excited to find out what he planned for us. He usually isn't one for romantic gestures, so the secrecy is killing me."

"Do you think he's gonna pop the big question?" Faye’s eyes lit up with excitement.

"No, we're not there...yet." Elle faked a smile, but a tone of doubt and sadness coloured her voice. They probably never will be, those things weren’t in the cards for Ethan, as he already stressed once.

But once was enough and she didn’t dare mention the subject again.

"Well, I'm pretty sure he's got some big guns in store, I would if I had a lady like you." - a male patient lying in the bed adjacent to Elle’s patient added smiling flirtatiously. 

"Jerry, you were supposed to focus on getting better, not stealing my girlfriend." They all jumped when a deep baritone echoed throughout the room, hitting present company like a wrecking ball. She must have left the door ajar or Ethan could penetrate the walls soundlessly, because no one heard him coming.

Exactly how long has he been standing there for and how much did he hear?

"Dr. Ramsey, flirting makes your blood flow faster. Isn't it the very definition of life itself?” Jerry’s tone was brisk and lively.

"Well, it definitely isn't the definition of recovery after a heart attack." Ethan used his authoritative doctor’s voice but knew this wasn't a battle he was going to win. Jerry had something he didn't: a couple more decades of life experience under his belt and even the best medical school in the country couldn’t compete with this.  

"Besides, Dr. Ramsey, I don't think that the beautiful Dr. Valentine here fancies old farts like me." 

"That's where you are wrong, Jerry, looks like this is exactly the type I fancy." The two women laughed, however Ethan was far from amused. "Dr. Ramsey is 10 years older than me."

"10 years? What is 10 years in these times? Nothing. When I was getting married 40 years ago, it was something. But today? Look at all them playboys with girls younger than my granddaughter. 10 years is actually a very healthy difference. Men are immature and slower with growing up emotionally. So I'd say you've caught up, Dr. Ramsey, and the two of you are emotional peers now.”

“Thank you for the fascinating lesson in human psychology, Jerry. To think I’ve wasted all this time and money on medical school and no one taught me this.”

“Dr. Ramsey, it’s because schools and useful knowledge are mutually exclusive.”

Elle and Faye were on the verge of bursting out in laughter, but managed to keep their composure and used the non-verbal communication of exchanging glances instead.

Once they made sure their patients had everything they need, Ethan and Elle wished them a good day and promised to stop by in 2 days, as the following day was their day off.

The moment the door closed behind them, Ethan crossed his arms on his chest.

"I lose you from my sight for one second and this happens. 5 more minutes with Jerry and I'd be single again."

"At least no one wants to poke your eyes out for being with me."

"And someone wants to poke yours?"

"Where do I start... nurses, who had a crush on you long before I even set foot in Edenbrook? Female interns? Anyone, who has a pair of functioning eyes and ever looked at you?"

She was adorable when she was doing this, her whole body overtaken by excitement and her hands waving. When she was talking about something really important to her she wasn't just conversing with her mouth, she was doing it with her whole body.

Suddenly, his pager painfully reminded Ethan that this was neither the place nor the time to lose himself in adoration.

"I need to go, I'm completely swamped today and I have my favourite cherry-on-top board meeting. In case I don't see you for the rest of your shift - I’ll pick you up at 7."

He was gone before she was able to form a response. Was it just her or was Dr Ramsey weirdly… nervous?

* * * * * * * *

At 7pm sharp, Ethan Ramsey curled his palm in a fist and gently knocked. The door opened in an instant, as if someone knew he'd been standing there for the past few minutes.

"Ethan! I mean Dr. Ramsey...please come in!" Sienna squeaked with nervous excitement as she let him in.

"Outside of Edenbrook Ethan is just fine, Sienna. If you don't mind me calling you by your first name, of course."

"Mm..mme? No, yes, I mean... Elle is on the balcony." She tried to hide her embarrassment and motioned towards the tall windows surrounding the living room. Some time ago, he would have been oddly proud to have such an intimidating effect on people - nowadays, more than anything, he was amused. Has he really changed so much?

The answer to his question was leaning against the railing, glass of wine in her hand. Gauzy, flowery dress enveloped her frame and tanned skin. 

For Ethan, it was as clear as crystal: summer had the face and scent of Noelle Valentine.

Long before she started leaving her toothbrush in his apartment and sleeping in his old JH t-shirts, Ethan noticed that whenever he laid eyes on her, his whole body started acting in a very irrational way. His doctor’s instincts prompted him to think of all types of biological causes and chemical reactions in the brain. Then, when he sort of admitted to himself it’s not just pure science, Ethan leaned towards the forbidden fruit theory - the more he couldn’t have his drug, the more he was craving it.

But the feeling never disappeared. Whenever he wouldn’t see her for a while - be that an hour, a day, or just when she went to take a shower or make a coffee - the very moment her face came into his view again, he felt his stomach somersaulting.

Every. Single. Time.

It wasn’t any different now.

"Drinking without me?"

She almost dropped the glass when his voice stopped the train of thought in her head. But then she saw his face, the way too seldom relaxed muscles and a barely-there smile.

A perfectly tailored shirt clung to his torso marvellously. If not in medicine, he surely would have made a name for himself in the fashion industry. Fortunately for her, the idea never crossed his mind. 

The warm wind blew in her face, carrying the scent of expensive cologne which overwhelmed her nostrils. She didn’t know this one, so it must have been new. But she did know that smelling it for the whole evening while staring at his handsome face will be a pure torture.

Simply put, she was a goner.

"I don't know why, but I was quite nervous. Had to summon the courage somehow.”

“As you should be. After all, it's not every day that one goes on their first date."

She looked at him as if she’d just been told that a UFO landed on the roof.

“On a what?”

"Well, I was thinking a lot lately about how we never had a first date. Nothing was ever...typical with us. I promised myself I will do my best to fix things that caused you pain or deprived you of the things you deserved. Maybe I cannot fix some immediately, but this one I can, so I will."

Her eyes, overbrimming with affection struck him like thousand lightnings. Thank god a comfortable silence fell between them - had she asked him a question, it would have been clear that right now he is nothing but a simpering moron.

With this in mind, he took his hands from behind his back, holding a small bouquet of pink gerberas.

"These are my favourites." Her face instantly illuminated at the well known sight and smell. "How did you know?”

"I had some amazing helpers."

Elle instantly turned her head left and looked inside, where grinning, Sienna was showing her the thumbs up.

"Wow, now I actually wish I'd downed the whole bottle."

"I'm glad you didn't. I want to go on a date with a woman, not her lifeless body, even though the body itself is very appealing. Shall we?”

“King of compliments…”

* * * * * * * *

"You actually look like you are having a good time, Dr Ramsey.”

"Why wouldn't I? There is alcohol, sitting under the sky definitely has its charm and the company is acceptable." She playfully swatted his arm, the gesture a quick reminder of how comfortable they felt with each other, something he constantly remembered to never take for granted.

“Although I love this, I still don’t understand why you dragged me all the way outside Boston, I’m pretty sure the rooftop bars are pretty acceptable there, too. A bit more crowded though, that’s for sure.”

“Are you complaining about the fact that we have this entire place to ourselves? I know the owner and he was indebted to me.”

“Of course he was.” Looks like the whole town is indebted to Ethan freakin’ Ramsey.

“With regards to why I brought you here… you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Gosh. She couldn’t decide whether the mysterious side of Ethan Ramsey was hot as hell or annoying as hell. But she didn’t really have time to contemplate, because her companion asked her a question.

“Why did you become a doctor?” The ocean eyes pierced her to the core and she had a feeling that even if she was the best actress in the world, there was no way she’d be able to hide something from this man.

“That’s a terrible change of subject. Also, I must have told you like a million times already.”

“No, you never told me.”

When she looked at him and really, really thought about it… she suddenly realised Ethan was right. Elle told the story so many times she sort of… assumed she told Ethan, too. 

“Are you sure you want to hear it today? It’s a pretty sad story, a mood killer I’d say.”

“It’s what makes you you, so yes, I want to hear all about it - the good, the bad and the indifferent.”

“I’ll tell you, but I need to ask something first. Why now? We’ve known each other for a while and you just… I just sort of assumed this isn’t the type of conversation you’d like to hold.”

“You’ve hit the nail on the head.” Ethan’s expression was gentle, not a hint of irony in his voice. “I’ve known you for a while now, but there are still so many things about you that I don’t know. At first, I didn’t want to ask, because asking these questions meant admitting that there is something more between us. What a fail would that be, after I’ve mastered the art of denial.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a bitter or a nervous laugh, it was a genuine banter between them, as the British half of her soul liked to call it. “But you made me want to dig deeper.”

Was it the heat that made her catch her breath, or did it have nothing to do with the temperature?

“Plus, this is sort of what first dates are for, right? I’m sorry for skipping right to the more complex questions. It’s not that I don’t want to know what you were afraid of as a child, I want to know all the details… but it feels like the atmosphere calls for something…bigger.”

So she told him all about her friend, how she fell ill, how she couldn’t be saved and how the experience wreaked havoc on her whole life, tears glistening in her eyes at the mere memory of the events that shaped who she was today.

Ethan listened, his whole body tense and eyes transfixed. She was giving him one of the most fragile parts of her and he had to make sure his hands were there to catch, carry and care for this treasure.

“And that’s when I realised that if I focused on becoming the best doctor I could be, then maybe one day, I’d be that person who has an answer, who can solve a mystery and save a relationship that means the world to someone. Sometimes, people don’t realise that when a person dies, it’s not only them that’s gone. The part of someone who stays, who has to deal with the whole ‘me after you’ - that part is gone, too. So for me, in a way, this meant saving more than one life.”

For a couple of seconds he didn’t move. Then, without saying a single word and with an unreadable expression he got up and offered her a hand, which she silently accepted. He led her to the railing, where the sun was slowly sinking into the boundless waters of Quincy Bay.

His lips found the all too well known way to her forehead, placing a loving kiss on her delicate skin.

“I am so proud of you.” There was something so mesmerising in his whisper, sending a shiver down her spine.

“As a mentor or as a boyfriend?”

“Both. I want you to know that your dedication to people who rely on you is astounding and hardly present in doctors your age. Or any age, for that matter.”

“Wow, Dr Ramsey, smooth. Trying to hit on me with a recycled pick-up line used on a national TV? No wonder you didn’t have too many girlfriends.”

“No, I didn’t. But I believe everyone has a limit of luck they can get per life. And looking at you, I got a couple of lifetimes worth of luck.”

This was enough to render her speechless. She smiled and at this very moment he knew he would do anything to make her smile like this. She wrapped him around her pinky finger and suddenly his whole existence revolved around finding ways of seeing her curve these breathtaking lips as often as possible and making sure he is the reason she smiles… not crying her eyes out.

Although the other didn’t know, because none of them said it out loud, they both thought the same thing.

This feels so right. 

There isn’t a hint of awkwardness in the fact that they can go from being serious or emotionally vulnerable to funny and teasing in seconds.

In one effortless movement, Ethan spun her and pressed her back against his chest.  Then, he started placing a series of tender kisses along her jawline and the crook of her neck, slowly moving towards her shoulder. 

Come on, just say it Ramsey. It doesn’t get any better than this.

He wrapped her palm in his and pointed them towards the sky. 

“There they are - the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper.” Their intertwined fingers were jumping from one tiny flashing point to the other, as if they were playing connect the dots. “And that’s Orion’s Belt.”

“I really don’t get why at this point I’m still surprised that you’re good at everything.”

Elle was drunk on his every word, as this annoying trait of Ethan Ramsey being the know-it-all was actually one of her favourite things about him. 

As for Ethan, he couldn’t help but think that life wasn’t perfect and was never going to be. But this - this moment - it was in fact perfect. Why take chances of ruining it, when so many things can go wrong?

What if she doesn't say it back?

What if she's just gonna laugh at him or tell him he had it all wrong.

What if he misinterpreted everything and she never thought about him this way?

He was terrified of being this exposed. The last person he loved so much left him without batting an eyelid and disappeared for 25 fucking years.

Maybe it was better to live in a perfect illusion than a reality in which there was even a 0.01% chance she doesn't love him back.

So they both drowned in the moment, drifted in the sea of rapture, lost in the illusion that it can all last forever.

It was her who broke the silence.

“I’m getting a bit cold, is it ok if we call it a night?”

“Right, of course.”

“Thank you for the first date, I loved it.”

Handing her his jacket (her favourite, the dark green leather one) Ethan was furious at himself. 

Maybe he was broken. Maybe he will remain broken forever. Maybe that’s the way it must be.

“Do you want to spend the night at mine?” The question slipped his tongue before he was able to fully reflect on it.

“At yours? Unless you have some secret place I don’t know about, just a quick reminder - I live there too.”

“Since this was our first date, I thought it was a gentlemanly thing to ask.”

“In that case… I am afraid I have the ‘after the 3rd date’ sleepover rule, Dr Ramsey.”

* * * * * * * *

The morning came all too soon and the hot, ruthless rays of the rising sun announced that Ethan is now way past his regular wake up and get up time. He barely slept, tossing and turning, replaying every second of the evening in his head.

His hand mindlessly reached for what he hoped to be the familiar curves and softness of the body he adored so much. 

But his palm hit the mattress with a loud thud. The bed was empty. 

The all-too-well known feeling of hopelessness slipped into the doctor's mind with ease. What did he expect? He was acting weird the previous day. First date, what a stupid idea. She must have realised something is wrong with him and finally left.

But before he was able to fully wallow in the mud of pity, the feeling was soon replaced by an old friend Ethan haven’t heard from for a long time.

Panic. 

Where was she? Is she ok? What if something happened to her and he was just sleeping like a log instead of being there to protect her. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing her… again. Something grabbed his chest in a tight grip and wouldn’t let go. 

Scenes flashed before his eyes, vivid and bright. Their hands touching through the glass wall. Her hand cupping his cheek through the layer of hazmat suit.

He got out of bed at the speed of sound and started running around the apartment, but she was nowhere to be seen. 

Suddenly, he noticed.

The balcony door was opened wide. 

Shit.

Heart in his mouth, Ethan crossed the distance between his kitchen island and the balcony door in the blink of an eye. 

Elle was just serving pancakes outside. The goddamn pancakes. The only thing he couldn’t cook. The one thing she kept teasing him about and he rolled his eyes every time she did.

God, he promised himself he will never learn how to make them, if it meant she would just tease him forever.

She was smiling as widely as ever, putting the sun and everything else in the world to shame. Ethan was still a bit shaken and his uneven breathing gave him away. Elle finally noticed his presence.

“Good morning, I was just about to—“

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They both froze. 

The tension in the silence that had just set in was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

But the silence didn’t last long. As one man, with eyes full of disbelief, they both murmured simultaneously:

“What did you just say?”

This time, he felt obliged to break the silence.

"I...I...I mean, I…" 

Damn it, get it together, idiot.

"I didn't mean to…”

Great, Ramsey, keep digging an even deeper hole for yourself, then crawl in and stay there forever.

"You didn't mean to say it?”

"Yes. No. I mean, damn it, I am making things worse, aren't I?”

She didn’t set him straight.

"The thing is, I wanted to say it yesterday. I had it all planned, I took you for a first date and I wanted to say it for the first time yesterday.”

"Why did it have to be yesterday?”

“Give me a minute.”

She just rolled her eyes, but Ethan didn’t have a chance to notice before disappearing inside. A few moments later he re-emerged, his face and torso covered by a neatly wrapped, rectangle-shaped object.

"What's this?"

"Something you should have unpacked yesterday, but then... life happened."

Elle sat down on cold tiles, her hands trembling with a mix of fear and excitement. And just like he did months ago, he took her hand in his, only this time he cupped his own cheek with her palm and placed the most tender kiss on the inside of her hand.

It was her favourite medicine, a remedy for all things wrong. 

He sat beside her and nodded at the mysterious package. With impatience growing inside of her, Elle has torn the paper up.

Inside was a dark blue, framed print - the colour of it an instant reminder of her favourite set of irises.

She studied everything with intent. A circle must have been representing the earth and the irregular dots and lines must have been the stars and constellations. 

"A map of the sky? That's beautiful, Ethan."

He knew immediately that although her delight was sincere, she had absolutely no clue what she was looking at and why she was looking at it.

“It's not just any map of the sky.” Ethan explained gently, hints of pride colouring his voice. “It's a map of the Boston sky from exactly a year ago. Well, a year and a day.” He smiled faintly, now a shade of sorrow in his enchanting voice.

Silence. Was she supposed to know what that meant?

“Aren’t you full of mysteries today? Ok, you need to throw me a lifebelt here. What's so special about the sky from a year and a day ago?”

“For the world? Probably not too much. For me? Everything.”

At this stage of their relationship, she knew a lot about Ethan’s behaviours, triggers, his body language. And not just a relationship as a couple, but also everything that came before Ethan became someone she was running through life with (the life of two doctors in one of the busiest and most prestigious hospitals was certainly not a walk in the park).

But it still fascinated her how his demeanour changed whenever the subject was serious, whenever he was talking about something that truly mattered to him. It was as if he’d stripped down of all the layers and let her look into his bare soul. These rare moments of vulnerable intimacy meant more to her than any night of passion they ever shared.

Her eyes turned to him in pledge, because as much as she wanted to, Dr Valentine still couldn’t fully comprehend the scene unraveling in front of her.

“Read the description below the map.”

Dear God, did she actually hear shyness in his voice?

She skimmed through the image again, and there it was, right at the bottom. Elle was so focused on trying to decipher the meaning of the image that she didn’t notice the words below. 

The words which explained everything.

I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY 

THAT MADE ME REALISE

YOU ARE THE SKY

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST THE WEATHER

Her emerald eyes brimmed with hot tears as the meaning dawned upon her. Words were very unnecessary, but now that he summoned the courage to speak, there was still a lot he wanted to put into words. He gently took the frame from her hands and leaned it securely against the wall.

Taking her palms into his, he placed delicate kisses on her knuckles, his lips tracing the shape of these two tiny hands, which held all of him. Everything he had, everything he was and was going to be, he placed in those two fragile palms, with an unspoken hope that they will hold him and catch him if he falls. 

“Look at me.” The words were pulsing with care and affection, even though his voice coloured them in serious and desperate shades.

“One year ago… and a day from today…” He smiled and she felt the warmth spilling inside of her. The power he had over her was beyond the limits of understanding. 

Little did she know that the object of her affection was lost in the same thought.

“I was standing exactly where we stand right now. It was dark and the view wasn’t that spectacular.” He freed one of his hands, but only to make contact with her cheek to caress it slowly. In this moment, he had to touch her any way that he could. With his hands. With his eyes. With his soul.

“But I always found comfort in staring at the sky. When I was at med school, I had countless moments of doubt, I wanted to quit more times than I can count. So I used to go to a secluded place at night and stare at the sky. It made me realise how, in one respect, I am just a grain of sand in the universe and how little my problems are. Funnily enough, this thought actually brought me a sense of comfort. If I am as little as I think I am, then what is the harm in being brave and taking chances? A wise man once said… There are some things that are worth any risk.” 

She giggled through the tears, the sweet sound soothing his shattered nerves.

“I was standing right here and I never felt more miserable in my life. And I couldn’t understand why, for God’s sake. I was thriving at work. I had everything figured out and planned. I was pushing you to be the best you could be and I watched you turn into someone who would one day be far greater than me. But you looked so sad, so… broken. You already know I can’t just gloss over you feeling down. The sadder you were, the more miserable I felt. One evening, I was having a glass of scotch and I remembered some tiny exchange we’ve had earlier in the day, literally a chit chat. No idea what it was about. But I remembered your smile and your laugh. Every tiniest move of your muscles, your eyes, how your hair set around your face. It made me happy. Even if it was just for 5 minutes, knowing that you are happy in that very moment filled my chest with lightness. That’s when I realised I want to be the person who makes you feel this way.”   

She blinked the first time in a while, as if she was afraid to make the tiniest movement, afraid it will all disappear and turn out to be a dream. Giant teardrops rolled down her angelic face, trailing the path of joy.

“Noelle Sky Valentine, I love you. I have loved you for a long time but I was too stubborn to let myself give in. And that, as you already know, will always be one of my biggest regrets.” 

“Ethan, I don’t… I’m so sorry, I just don’t know what to say.” Her voice was saturated with emotions.

“I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.“ 

“I love you too, Ethan Jonah Ramsey. You are by far the most complicated and stubborn person I have ever met. You are… everything I never knew I looked for in another human being.”

Once he heard her say it back, he couldn't get enough of it and a lifetime didn't feel like enough to tell her he loves her, as many times as he wished to.

“But I do have to mention this, Dr Ramsey… from the first date to a love confession in less than 24 hours? I’m sorry, I think this is moving too fast.”

“I’ll show you too fast…but I’m afraid we need to get inside, I don’t want the whole world and its wife to see how I teach you a thing or two.”

Ethan scooped her in his arms and carried her inside, despite her mock protests. He smiled and corrected himself. 

He wanted for the whole world to see.

Because the whole world was right there. 

In his arms.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you’ve gotten this far, I need you to know you are absolutely amazing 💗

Tag 🏷 list: @jamespotterthefirst @romewritingshop @romereadingshop @genevievemd @starrystarrytrouble @terrm9 @mrs-ramsey @maurine07 @gryffindordaughterofathena @mercury84choices @lovingramsey @qrkowna @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations @lisha1valecha​ @oldminniemcg​ @iemcpbchoices​ @tsrookie​ @fayeswiftie​ @levinsdowneyy​ @brooks-eden​ @poudredevie​ @queencarb​ @caseyvalentineramsey​ @lucy-268​ @tenaciousdeputydreamfriend​ @alwaysmychoices-sideblog​ @whippedforethanfreakingramsey​ @schnitzelbutterfingers​ @the-pale-goddess​ @lem-20​ @wingedhairstylemusicweasel​ @liaromancewriter​ @ohchoices​ @archxxronrookie​

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 2/3

Full Story: Part 1, Part 3

Hello Everyone! I hope you are all happy and healthy. Part 2 of my Junjin fanfic is finally up. Thank you so much to the beautiful and wonderful people who liked my fanfic. I am so sorry I have not been responding to your lovely comments. I had exams so I was really busy but I will get to them now. It took me a long time to post this next part because I wanted to finish both Part 2 and 3. I’ll be posting the other part too once I’ve proofread everything

As always, this chapter is dedicated to the Shooters GC (which I haven’t checked in so long, I’m so sorry)  🙈 🙈

Please do be warned, this does get a little dark. But it will pay off in Part 3, I promise.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 13.5k

Rating: T

TRIGGER WARNING: Some of the themes in this story are a little dark, specifically in section iii. Please be warned. I’ve added a summary for section iii in section iv so you can skip it if needed.

PART 2

i.

They both spoke at the same time.

“Ya Kang Sujin…”

“Ya Han Seojun…”

“What the hell happened?”

Seojun had been in a strange state of mind all day. First it was waking up in the enemy’s bed, but that part he had completely blocked out. Then it was the massive hangover, the effects of which he was still reeling from. On top of that he had received a scolding for being late to practice, which caused him to be late to his commercial shoot, which caused him to be late for his recording session which was when he had been informed about his scandal.

Seojun normally didn’t care for rumors that spread about him. He relied on his performance to speak for itself; the people online with their uninformed opinions didn’t matter.

“But why did it have to be her?!” He had groaned when he first read the articles. But then he asked himself seriously, “Why did it have to be her?”

It all seemed too convenient. Additionally, she had been the one to drag him for drinks and then back to her apartment.

Was this another one of her schemes? What would she gain from doing this? Maybe it was because he was on to her and could see the truth about her and now she wanted him gone. Yes, it must have been that. Or was it not? Was his theory too farfetched? Maybe he was being too harsh. Maybe he was misunderstanding the situation.

Seojun felt conflicted. On the one hand, it would have been so easy to just blame Sujin and keep on hating her like he wanted to. On the other hand, he could hear Suho in his head, warning him about being too judgmental. Seojun normally trusted his instincts with everything but this time his own instincts were confused. Should be giving Sujin the benefit of the doubt? 

Seojun knew that if he needed answers, he would need to go to the source.

“What the hell happened?” They both asked each other at the same time but neither had the answer.

“How the hell would I know? It was your apartment.”

“The pictures were obviously taken by someone was obsessed with you.” Sujin fumed.

“Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Then are you saying it’s mine?”

“I’m not the one who took us out drinking then brought me back home to her apartment!”

“I’m not the one with the crazy saesangs!”

“My fans are not crazy! They are way better than arrogant women with a princess complex like you!”

“Don’t call me princess.” Sujin said dangerously.

“Or what? You’ll get me drunk and back at your apartment again?”

“Ah shut up, you man-child!” Sujin hung up and Seojun flung his phone across the room where it bounced onto the couch. He was seething.

“Aish!” Seojun kicked the air.

“Did you talk to Sujin?” Heekyung’s calm voice startled Seojun.

“What? Oh, Noona.” Seojun gulped.

“How was she? Was she okay?”

“Umm…” Seojun blinked

“She must have been shaken. Facing something like this can be very upsetting.”

Seojun’s shoulders deflated. “Uh, yeah…” He hadn’t considered that.

“Did she agree to give a statement to help clear up this mess?”

Oh right, I was supposed to ask her…

Heekyung continued, “I do have good news. We’ve found the person who took the photographs. So he won’t be sharing them with anyone else.”

“You have?”

“Yes. It was unfortunate. A photographer happened to be there, just as you were leaving. He actually recognized you from your voice. Talk about having bad luck.”

Seojun frowned. So, it wasn’t Sujin.

“So will Sujin do it? We just need a simple statement. She can release a post on her socials and we’ll take care of the media articles.”

Seojun rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “Um, I don’t think she’ll agree.” . Especially not after the blaming match that just happened. “Can’t we just clarify things on our end? Not get her involved?”

Heekyung smiled with a twinkle in her eye, “Oh I get it. You don’t want her to feel burdened.”

Seojun could tell what she was implying. “Ah-nee! Its not that at all!” His voice was pitched a little too high.

Heekyung laughed, “I’ve been at this for longer than you, Seojun-ah. You can be straight with me.”

“It’s not like that! I don’t care about Kang Sujin at all!”

But Heekyung wasn’t listening. “Just be careful. Your career has just started. You can’t afford scandals like these. People will turn against you in an instant, you know?”

Seojun swallowed. He knew all too well how people could turn against him in an instant, like the way thy did with Seyeon. But he wanted to believe that he would be able to face them.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be careful.”

Heekyung nodded. “Good. Now I’ll go tell our PR team to release a statement about you and Sujin being just friends.” Seojun nodded gratefully. “I think the fact that you went to school together will help. Hopefully people will buy it when you tell them nothing happened between you two.” Heekyung winked as she walked away.

“It’s not like that!” Seojun called after her.

ii.

The situation subsided as quickly as it had risen. Move Entertainment published their official statement about how it was all a misunderstanding. That Seojun had only been visiting his friend from high school and the fact that the friend was also a mutual with rising online beauty guru Lim Jukyung helped establish the connection. Seojun had been glad that Jukyung had taken those selfies with Sujin with Seojun in the background otherwise people might have just taken the statement as an excuse.

What annoyed Seojun about the whole situation was not his reputation or the online speculation but how everyone else kept teasing him about it. This was made especially worse when they were all gathered around for drinks, including his own squad, Chorong and Co., who were eyeing Sujin with a mixture of adoration—that made them stare at her, and fear—that kept them from talking to her.

“Ooh, Han Seojun you better not drink too much or you’ll end up in Sujin’s apartment again.” Taehoon teased. Seojun gave him the death glare while Sujin made a disgusted face. Everyone else laughed.

“Guys! Don’t be mean.” Jukyung’s voice went unheard among the collective chatter.

“Han Seojun, I can see you’ve been keeping a very close eye on Kang Sujin.” Chorong whispered in his ear. Seojun elbowed his ribs.

“Pay up, Sujin didn’t kill him.” Suho asked from Suah.

“You guys had a bet?” Sujin asked icily. Seojun almost admired the scathing look Sujin gave Suho as she eyed the money being exchanged.

Suho’s and Suah’s hands froze right when they were exchanging the bills.

“No?” Suho said weakly.

“Kang Su, I bet on you okay?” Suah defended.

“Ah is that so? Well then you’re off the hook.”

Suah relaxed while Suho blinked forty times, sweating. “Kang Sujin. It was just a joke okay?”

Sujin just put her hand forward and Suho silently put the money in her hands.

“Wah, just 5 dollars? I’m worth 5 million you know.”

“Sure you are. And I’m the King of England.” Seojun said under his breath. Kang Sujin and her princess complex.

“What was that?” Sujin put her hand to her ear, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you over the apology you owe me.”

“What apology? I owe you nothing.” Seojun retorted, fully aware that he had actually come to this gathering to apologize to Sujin about the scandal and how he had behaved over the phone. That plan had since been abandoned. 

For some reason, he could not spit out the three words ‘I am sorry’ to Kang Sujin. No matter how much he wanted to. There was just something about her that irritated him to the point of misbehavior.

Sujin clicked her tongue at Seojun but said nothing. Instead, reaching into her bag, she pulled out a notebook and a pen.

“Here, sign this.” She ordered, pushing the notebook and pen in his face.

“What is it?”

For Kang Sujin, the biggest issue from the scandal had not been the online noteriety and not even the teasing, but the fact that everyone in her office now knew that she was friends with an idol and had demanded that she get them his autographs.

“Its for my friends at work.”

“You have friends?” Seojun said with mock surprise.

“You know I was just as shocked to learn that you have actual fans. I always thought Suho was the one buying all your albums.” Sujin said.

“Of course I have fans! I am super popular you know!” Seojun defended, pulling the lapels of his jacket with pride.

“Yes I’m sure you’re veeeery popular.” Sujin’s words dripped with sarcasm. Seojun’s pride deflated like a balloon. “Just sign. And write something nice too.” She ordered. Seojun quietly picked up the notebook, not because he was nice but because he felt he owed her this much.

“You know my autographs are worth a lot of money, right?”

Sujin made a face. “Just sign the damn thing so that the girls at work stop harassing me about you.”

Seojun smiled as he signed. His fans were awesome. “How many?” He asked.

“Seven.”

He signed seven pages, each with a personalized note.

“Be nice to my fans at work.”

“I’m always nice.”

“Sure you are.” Seojun replied skeptically. He handed Sujin the notebook. “I better not find you selling these online.” He warned.

“I’d rather starve than live off of your autographs.” Sujin bit back.

“Okay, okay! No more fighting!” Jukyung pointed between the two. “Lets all enjoy our drinks in peace.” She looked pointedly at Sujin who pointed her chin at Seojun with a ‘he-started-it’ scowl.

“Han Seo, is it okay for you to meet us in public like this?” Suah asked. They weren’t in the usual private dining area that they frequented when it was just the core group of friends. They were out where everyone could see.

“We can always hang out at our place, if you want.” Suho offered. Seojun quickly shook his head. Seeing Suho and Jukyung together outside was one thing. Seeing how they lived together was quite another. Knowing they lived together was painful enough. He didn’t want even more fuel for his imagination.

“Its no trouble at all.” He put on a smile for Suho who seemed satisfied. But, to his surprise, he found Kang Sujin giving him a strange look. She chuckled to herself but said nothing.

As they all said their goodbyes, Seojun went out the back so that he could leave in privacy. He planned on taking the long route today. A bike ride would help him clear his mind.

“Han Seojun, wait up!”

He stopped just as he was about to put his helmet on. He was surprised to find Sujin there. 

“What? Need more autographs?” He asked, cockily smiling.

Sujin made a sickened expression. “Not at all. I just… I had something to say.” She hesitated.

“Well say it.”

She cleared her throat. “It was neither of our faults. The scandal. It wasn’t that it was my building or your fans. It was someone shitty who didn’t respect our privacy. That’s… that’s all I wanted to say.”

Sujin waited for his response. Seojun could feel his face burning. He should have been the one to say all this to her, and yet here she was apologizing to him instead.

“I’msorryforwhathappened.” He said too quickly and too quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Seojun shoved his helmet on to hide his embarrassed face. 

“Drive safe.” Sujin said.

“Yeah, whatever.” He rode away.

Kang Sujin was just glad she was able to spit out the words she had been meaning to say all night long. It had been weighing on her ever since they had spoken on the phone. She had promised herself a long time ago that she would try to be a nicer person and for the most part she had accomplished that. But that Han Seojun just had a way of bringing her old self back to the surface. And that bothered her.

It doesn’t matter, she told herself. She would learn how to get along with Han Seojun. It was only a matter of practice. And besides, it wasn’t as if she had to be overtly obvious about it. She just had to tolerate him.

For Jukyung. It’s for Jukyung. She would want us to get along, she lied to herself. The truth was, that Kang Sujin believed that she didn’t have a choice.

Everyone loved Han Seojun, even her best friends who had never paid much attention to him back in high school. It was all because Sujin had been absent for so long. She had missed a huge part of everyone’s lives while Han Seojun had been there for all of it.

Sujin wondered whether, if it came to choosing between her and Seojun, they would choose her. A part of her believed they wouldn’t.

She had made such a mess of things before and left things unresolved for too long. She was certain that things would never go back to the way they had been, not fully anyway. There would always be a part of them that wouldn’t trust her. And there would always be a part of her that would be heavy with guilt.   

“Ah-nee-ya.” She reassured herself. “I don’t need to worry about this.”

She was glad that the whole matter of being mistaken as Han Seojun’s girlfriend had been settled. She laughed at the very idea.

“Me and Han Seojun dating. Ah, how funny.”

Sujin had heard of horror stories about how such scandals ruined people’s lives and got them shunned by society. Thank fully, none of that had happened. Her precious peace was safe again.

Sujin could see her future now; a life where she worked hard at her non-profit, where she shared dinners and lunches with her friends and laughed about the old days, where she wasn’t told she wasn’t good enough, where she did what she wanted instead of being forced to do what her father wanted. Yes, Kang Sujin could see her like ahead—a life where she was finally happy.

iii.

At first Sujin thought she was being paranoid. But her co-workers seemed to be acting stand-offish with her, with some outright avoiding her. They weren’t replying to her as enthusiastically they used to and were having hushed conversations that immediately stopped when she approached them. They even made plans for lunch without including her.

“Is something wrong?” Sujin asked one of them.

“Not at all. Shall we get to work?” It sounded more like a snub than reassurance.

Sujin also felt the hairs on her neck rise from time to time, as if she could feel someone watching her. But when she turned around, everyone would look away.

Convincing herself that it was all in her head, Sujin ignored it and went on with her work.

But then it happened again at the convenience store. She heard her name being said in whispers behind her. When she turned, she found a couple of teenagers quickly putting away their phone. Despite the anxiety bubbling in her stomach, Sujin dismissed the incident and went home.

Normally after a long day at work, Sujin would throw her phone away, have dinner while watching TV, shower and go to sleep. But today had been strange and she was feeling out of sorts. She needed a distraction to help her calm down.

So, after a shower, she settled back on her couch with her dinner and her phone. Jukyung normally posted a new make-up tutorial by this day of the week. Sujin loved watching her transform herself from an ordinary looking girl to a stunning beauty, while explaining each step.

To Kang Sujin, Jukyung was an artist who used her face as a canvas. Sujin herself had learned a lot just from watching Jukyung. She was excited about what she would learn today.

Sujin dismissed the dozens of Instagram notifications on her phone. Suah was always tagging her and messaging her about some post or the other. Sujin would get to them later. As Sujin searched for Jukyung’s channel, her Instagram notifications kept dinging. She put it on mute and played the video.

This time, Jukyung was giving a tutorial on American style makeup and how it was different from Korean style. Sujin grinned all the way through the video as Jukyung talked through her tutorial. Sujin scrolled through the comments as she watched.

My beauty Queen! I love you!

I tried your winged liner look and was able to finally do it for myself. Thank you.

I use the exact same foundation but it doesn’t work for my skin. But looks great on you. <3

You didn’t mention the eyeliner you used here. Can you please add it in the description?

This is why I have trust issues. She looks like a completely different person. This is fraud.

Sujin frowned at the last comment. “She looks beautiful either way.” She said angrily aloud as she typed it in, punching the buttons as if she could punch the commentor. Sujin scrolled further.

Who else came here after reading the Soompi article?

This comment had a lot of likes and comments. Maybe Jukyung was getting famous enough to be reported by entertainment websites now. Sujin smiled proudly.

Lim Jukyung, yours is the best makeup channel here!

Saranghae unnie

I was so sad to learn that you were bullied as a kid. So glad that you’ve found success now.

Sujin swallowed thickly. It would always bother her to know that she had once exploited Jukyung’s past bullying for her own gain. The fact that she had once contributed to her bullying would always fuel Sujin’s self hatred. She was just glad that Jukyung had moved on from her past and had become confident in herself. And more so, had found a community online that adored her.

As Sujin scrolled down some more, she noticed that most of the comments were talking about how Jukyung was a survivor of bullying.

“Mwo-ya…”

Wow, I had no idea this girl was so brave. Bravo!!!

I’m a survivor of bullying too. Its nice to know I’m not alone.

I bet her bully is watching this now and regretting what they did.

I don’t watch makeup tutorials. Came here cuz of the bullying scandal. But stayed cuz she is so good.

The last comment made Sujin stop. “Bullying scandal?”

Sujin went to Naver and searched for scandals involving Lim Jukyung. The first few links were Jukyung’s most popular videos but beneath that were a slew of articles from slanderous gossip sites.

Girl from Han Seojun Scandal Turns Out to be a Bully

Online Star Lim Jukyung Gets Involved in Han Seojun Scandal

Han Seojun’s Alleged Girlfriend was a Bully in High School

“What?!” Sujin stood up on her feet in shock. With shaking hands, she went through the articles one by one. Somehow, someone had uncovered the post from her high school community page that had revealed what she had done to Jukyung. Except they had gotten their facts mixed up and had reported that Sujin had been the one to bully Lim Jukyung about her looks.

That girl is so despicable.

Han Seojun is hanging out with a girl like her? I can’t believe it. I actually used to like him.

I bet this girl seduced Oppa. Don’t dislike him!

I am so glad they’re not actually dating.

Her face is so evil. And she’s uglier than Lim Jukyung!

I bet Han Seojun was fooled by her. She feels like the type who uses her looks to manipulate men.

People like her should kill themselves.

Guys! I found her Inssa!

It really is her! This is authentic!

The room began to close in on Sujin. She immediately opened Instagram where her account was flooded with comments and direct messages from people either telling her to kill herself or threatening to kill her.

Her heart was beating so fast it felt like she would throw it up. She was equal parts shaken and angry. So many people were after her but she hated that these people felt they had a right to treat her this way.

Sujin opened up the messages on Instagram and began firing back to her haters, starting with the most recent messages.

Get off of my account before I report you.

No thanks, I’m not going to kill myself.

Threatening me will only get you sued.

You don’t have to follow me if you don’t like me.

“These assholes think they can bully me online? Well, they’ve got another thing coming.” Sujin growled through clenched teeth as she typed away with all her anger.

I did not bully her!

I made a mistake!

I apologized!

People immediately started responding.

You’re not even going to admit your mistake?

OMG! I can’t believe you actually replied!

Are you honestly defending what you did?

You can’t talk like that to me! I’m going to tell everyone you’re a total b****

How can you be so audacious after you bullied someone? Just kill yourself.

Do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Kill yourself.

KILL YOURSELF.

Sujin screamed in frustration and threw her phone away. It smashed into the wall and landed with a sickening thud. Her hands suddenly felt clammy. Clammy and sticky and sweaty and dirty, dirty, dirty. So dirty that they smelled.

She ran into the bathroom and furiously scrubbed her hands clean. Once, twice, three times. No matter how many times she washed or how hard she scrubbed, the dirty stench of the hate she had just received wouldn’t wash off.

Her hands became all red and felt raw and exposed. But she kept on washing till she ran out of soap. She fell to the floor, suddenly weak and exhausted. The cool tiles felt nice and it was then that she noticed how hot she felt.

Calm down. I have to calm down. She breathed in, then out. In, then out. She could hear her heart in her ears. Pounding and pounding. The walls were closing in. The messages on her Instagram suddenly had voices that shouted in her mind.

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself.

A ringing broke through it all. First Sujin thought it was in her head but no, it was from the living room.

Her cellphone. Lim Jukyung was calling.

How could she face Jukyung? What would she say to her? Wouldn’t Jukyung say the same as everyone else?

Sujin cut the call. Notifications from Instagram were still coming in. She deactivated her account and deleted the app.

Lim Jukyung’s name lit up her phone again.

She turned it off and flopped down on her sofa, head pounding.

Her fragile little hope for a good life was now shattered completely. She could hear her father now. Hear him yell at her that she was useless, that she was pathetic, that she was stupid and inferior. Unable to beat even Lee Suho.

Kill yourself.

Her father had never told her this, but he might as well have. Even now it was his voice saying it over and over in her mind. It was his angry stare she felt on her back.

How would she face people now? People would hate her now that they knew what she had done. And her co-workers…. Of course they knew. That’s why everyone had been acting so strange.

This all felt so cruel and unfair. She had been so good these past couple of years. She didn’t want all of it to just be taken away like this.

But didn’t you do the same thing to Jukyung? Her father’s voice taunted. She was a good person too, wasn’t she? You’re nothing but a piece of trash.

I bet you think that you destroyed Lim Jukyung, Seojun’s voice said, but you’ve only destroyed yourself.

iv.

SUMMARY of iii: Because of the Han Seojun scandal, people find out about the community post that revealed what Sujin had done to Jukyung and people online start thinking that Sujin bullied Jukyung. They harrass her and it becomes a scandal of its own.

It was chaos at Move Entertainment.

“What the hell happened?! You told me you settled this!” The director threw a magazine in Heekyung’s face. Seojun saw this through the glass door and barged in.

“Is that how you treat your employees?” He demanded angrily.

“Get out. Get. Him. Out! Get him out of this company for good measure!”

Heekyung pushed Seojun out before he could do anything else, dragging him as far away as possible. “Don’t be an idiot. You can’t just barge in like that.”

“But he’s being an asshole. Should I just stand around and let you take it?”

“This is the adult world Han Seojun. Actions have consequences here.” Heekyung said reasonably. “And you’re the reason he’s so mad. A bullying scandal is serious. We’ve even publicly acknowledged that you and Sujin are friends. This doesn’t reflect well on you.”

“The articles are lying. Sujin didn’t bully Jukyung in high school. She just—”

“I know exactly what she did. You think I don’t know about what happened to my own sister?” For a brief moment, Heekyung’s professional demeanor slipped into anger. But she recovered quickly. “It infuriates me that my sister’s past is being brought up like this. But I have a job to do and I need you to cooperate with me. Okay?”

Seojun exhaled. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing. The situation will sort itself out. You will need to keep a low profile, however.”

Seojun exhaled. “Noona, we need to set the record straight. Sujin is—”

“Sujin isn’t represented by Move, you are. None of us here can do anything about what is happening to her.”

Seojun clenched his jaw. “Have you seen what is being said about her?”

Heekyung looked away. “Its not like I enjoy saying this. I’m only telling you what I was told when I made the same request. She’s not represented by us. She’s not our concern.”

“Was Seyeon not your concern either?”

Heekyung had nothing to say to that. “I have to go back in. You stay here, arachi? Don’t do anything rash and…” she yanked Seojun’s phone from his hand.

“Ah!” Seojun tried to get it but Heekyung had the phone out of reach.

“I’m keeping this for now.” She said and left.

Seojun exclaimed in frustration, running his hands through his hair. Despite the animosity he had towards Kang Sujin, this kind of exposure to such vitriol online didn’t sit well with him. Kang Sujin deserved a lot of things, but she didn’t deserve this.

He knew Sujin was tough. But this kind of incident would make anyone crumble. He just hoped she didn’t do anything stupid.

v.

“Sujin-ah. Can you explain your side of things?”

Of course her office had heard about everything. Apparently her past misdeeds were a trending topic online. Her supervisor had called her in as soon as Sujin had shown up.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Her supervisor asked.

Sujin inhaled, “When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy. But he had a girlfriend… she was a friend of mine. I got jealous… and petty. I published an unflattering video of her on our school’s online community. She had been bullied in her previous school because of her looks. So the video was especially traumatizing to her. I was responsible for what happened in Saebom High, but I wasn’t involved in anything that happened before that.”

Sujin looked at her hands, still red and raw, “I have made up with her since then. I’ve apologized. We’re both friends now. And I’m not a teenager anymore.”

Something stung Sujin’s hand. Water droplets? No, tears. She hadn’t noticed when she had started crying. But she kept her face straight even when the tears didn’t stop. She looked at her supervisor.

“I am ashamed of what I did. If I could take it all back… you have no idea what I would do to take it all back.” Sujin furiously wiped away her tears. She hated crying in front of anyone. “I love working here. I really do.”

Even as she was saying the words, she knew what was coming. Of course her company wouldn’t keep her on. Even non-profits couldn’t afford bad reputations and the fact that Move Entertainment had worked with her company for a lot of benefits hadn’t escaped her notice either.

“Sujin-ah.” Her co-worker said, peeking from the cubicle wall as Sujin packed up her things.

“What?”

“I never thanked you. For getting me Han Seojun’s signature.” The woman said meekly.

Sujin gave a small smile. “You’re welcome.”

The woman handed her a bunch of sticky notes. “These are goodbyes from everyone. We know you’re not getting a farewell party so we thought you should have our thoughts with you.”

Sujin looked down at the brightly colored notes that contained encouraging messages from some of her co-workers. Her dismissal had been so swift that she hadn’t even been given the chance to say anything.

“If its worth anything… I don’t believe any of it.”

Sujin smiled gratefully this time. “Thanks, Chulhee-yah. I appreciate it.”

vi.

Sujin was both grateful and surprised by how much her friends had reached out. Apparently they had showed up to her place multiple times to see if she was okay, given that she was not answering any of her calls. Sadly, Sujin had not been there to receive them. She had gone to her aunt’s place to get away from everything.

That had not proved to be a good idea.

“Have. You. Lost. Your. Mind!!” Each word was punctuated with a smack from a slipper. Her mother, the once elegant and graceful Mrs. Kang, chased her daughter around in the most inelegant and ungraceful manner. Mrs. Kang’s sister tried to save Sujin by stepping in between but Mrs. Kang still managed to get a few whacks in.

“How could you let a boy stay over at your place?!”

“Omma! That’s what you choose to focus on?!”

“Yes! How could you have disgraced your family this way? And not just any boy, an idol? What the hell were you doing with an idol? Come here.”

This was one fight Sujin would never win. Her mother was not a force of reason when she was this angry. And it took a lot for her to get this angry.

Sujin didn’t mind these smacks. They came from a place of love and worry. Eventually her mother calmed down enough to address the other issue with Sujin. She took her daughter in her arms and wailed.

“How could those people be so mean to my daughter?”

“Omma, I can’t breathe.” Her mother smushed Sujin to herself.

“My poor girl. My poor baby girl.”

In the end, Sujin was glad she had come back to her aunt’s place. It gave her the break she had needed. Away from all of the noise of her online haters, Sujin found she could finally breathe. She found great comfort in her mother’s arms and her aunt’s assurances her that everything would be fine.

However, the dread of returning to her normal life still loomed over her head. Sujin felt her throat close up every time she imagined going back to her apartment. Would the people point and laugh at her on the street? Would she be able to live a normal life from now on?

It was strange how deeply all of this had affected her. Even now, as Sujin walked from the grocery store to her aunt’s house, she felt the paranoia that people were talking about her, pointing and laughing, even though they weren’t. 

“Sujin-ah.”

And now it felt like they were actually calling out to her.

“Kang Su!”

Sujin turned in surprise, ready to fight whoever had called her. “Who is it?”

“Who do you think? It’s Jukyungie! ” A human mass known as Lim Jukyung ran towards Kang Sujin with arms wide open. The girls hugged each other tightly, Jukyung grinning with her gummy smile while Sujin stood, mouth open in shock.

Not far behind, were Suah and Taehoon.

“Ya Kang Su, at least answer your phone! Do you know how worried I was?” Suah scolded.

Sujin laughed, almost tearing up. She couldn’t believe this was happening. She had feared that her friends would turn away and curse at her after she had avoided them. But here they were, all gathered just for her.

“How’d you find me?” She asked the three. They all turned to Suho who stood there smiling.

“Hey Sujin. Have you been well?”

Of course, Suho knew where her aunt lived.

“What well? You all know what happened.” Sujin replied, not bothering to pretend that she was fine.

“Ya! What have you done to your hands.” Jukyung held up Sujin’s scabby hands with worry.

“It’ll heal.” Sujin smiled. Maybe it was the massive hug she had received, or the fact that her friends had traveled so far away to meet her, but suddenly, Sujin felt relieved. It was as if the entire situation was trivial and that she could see light at the end of the tunnel.

“Of course we know what happened.” Suho replied.

“And we know exactly how to fix it.” Jukyung grinned wider.

vii.

On the screen, in front of a ring light she had set up at her home, Lim Jukyung stood with a gummy smile and a warm welcome.

“Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. This is Lim Jukyung here with a new make up tutorial for all of my beautiful viewers. Uh, today I have a new kind of tutorial for you all. But before we begin, there is something that I think has been on all of our minds that needs to be addressed.”

Jukyung motioned to someone standing behind the camera to come forward. Kang Sujin entered the frame awkwardly, not knowing where exactly to look. The way Jukyung had set up her studio for this live event was to have the camera, the mirror with the ring light and her laptop screen facing her so that she could do her make up while also reading the comments. And while Jukyung was used to having all of this equipment focused on her, Sujin was not.

“Introduce yourself.” Jukyung said softly, nudging Sujin with her elbow.

“Ah, yes.” Sujin cleared her throat. “Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.” She waved robotically while staring in the camera like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jukyung couldn’t help but laugh. “Ya, Kang Su, are you afraid of the camera?”

“Ah-neeeee, it’s just so unnatural.” Sujin quickly countered.

“Don’t worry, the camera doesn’t bite.” Jukyung put an arm around her friend’s waist. “Okay everyone now that my friend Kang Sujin is here we can talk about the recent—”

“Lim Ju, maybe we shouldn’t do this.” Sujin interrupted anxiously.

“Huh? But it’s already live.” Jukyung pointed at the camera.

“What?” Sujin on in panic.

Jukyung continued, “So everyone, as you all may have heard, Sujin and I went to the same high school together. However, before that I attended another high school where I was bullied for my looks. Sujin and I did not know each other back then and she had nothing to do with that part of my life so the allegations that she bullied me are completely false. That was another person and that person is no longer in my life.”

Sujin cut in, “However, it is true that I revealed Jukyung’s past to our school and posted an unflattering video of her online.”

Jukyung nodded, looking serious. “I won’t lie and say it was easy for me to have that happen. But… both of us have changed since then. We have grown up and grown past that time.”

The girls took each other’s hands in solidarity.

Jukyung continued, “I’m not the girl I used to be. Neither is Sujin. And while she did do something wrong… I’ve forgiven her. I would rather remember the good times we shared…” The time that Sujin caught that pervert, the time she helped rescue Jukyung from those kidnappers, the time she helped hide Jukyung’s bare face at the school trip. “There are things that I wish I had done differently too. I wish had been more confident in myself and honest about who I really was. I wish I had stood up for myself earlier. But the past is the past, and I would rather focus on the present.”

“Everyone, I am grateful for all of the love and support you showed to me. I know bullying isn’t something you get over easily and I saw a lot of you comment about the bullying that you suffered. I am grateful you shared your stories with me. I hope we can take this opportunity to help each other heal rather than put someone down.” Jukyung looked at Sujin. “Now you.”

Sujin recited nervously, “Ah. Ahn-nyong-se-yo everyone. I’m Kang Sujin.”

Jukyung giggled. “We’ve done that already.”

“Oh, yes. Um… I uh…” Sujin took a pause to collect herself. “Let me be the first to say that I’m not a nice person—”

“Yah!” Jukyung protested but Sujin carried on.

“But I’m also not the girl who posted that video about her best friend, not anymore. At that time… I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. I have regretted doing that every single day since it happened. I am sorry. I understand everyone’s anger towards me. I would be angry too if I heard this about someone else. However, I hope that you all will be able to forgive me, as Jukyung has.”

Sujin ended her speech with an apologetic bow. Jukyung bowed with her. The girls then shared a tearful hug. From the back, Sujin saw Suho give her a thumbs up. Sujin sent him a smile back. The girls parted, wiping their tears.

“Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, we can get on to the real reason why you are on here.” Jukyung clasped her hands together. “Sujin will be assisting me today.”

“Ah, yes.”

“So Kang Su, shall we bring out our model today?” Jukyung asked her with a mischievous gleam in her eye.

The girls nodded conspiratorially before turning to Suho who looked on, confused.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

viii.

“What is it? What are you laughing at?” Chorong asked Seojun as he leaned over his shoulder. They were at Chorong’s place where the boys were goofing off, playing video games and lounging about.

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong’s inquiry through his ear buds and kept on shaking with silent laughter.

“Hey, nobody said anything about me being in the video.” Suho was protesting on Seojun’s phone. Seojun turned up the volume to hear Suho’s annoyed grumbling more clearly. Of course, Seojun was going to make fun of Suho about this afterwards. 

“Just sit down, Lee Su, before I get mad.” Sujin commanded.

“That attitude of yours has never worked on me,” Suho replied coolly.

“Come on, Suho-ya. I do your makeup all the time don’t I? It’ll be fine. I promise.” Of course, when Jukyung said this, Suho melted like butter on a hot pan. Sujin rolled her eyes but it was clear that it wasn’t out of spite.

“Okay everyone! Let’s begin with the base and then we’ll work our way up! I am going to keep this look as natural as possible so that its not modifying anything but merely enhancing his features.” Jukyung pushed Suho’s bangs out of his forehead with a giant pink bow shaped clip. Seojun was quick to get a screen shot of it.

“What are Lee Suho and Kang Sujin doing on Jukyung’s channel?” Chorong asked in Seojun’s ear, shocking him. Seojun almost screamed in fear. He pushed away Chorong’s face to watch the video in peace.

In the live video, Jukyung was explaining the differences of applying make up on a guy’s face, versus a girl’s face.

“Sujin-ah. Why don’t you read some of the comments while I’m buffing in his foundation? You have to buff it in for a long time to make it appear natural.” Jukyung told her audience.

Sujin moved towards the camera, blocking Jukyung a little as she read off of her laptop. Her unfiltered face was front and center for the world to see. At this position it looked unflattering, which made Seojun chuckle even more.

Sujin read the comments in a robotic monotone, “Jukyung Unnie, I don’t usually watch make up tutorials. But after today I’m your number one fan.”

“Mwo-ya, this girl has no camera sense.” Seojun said to himself.

“Thank you! I’m your fan too,” Jukyung replied brightly.

“Your looks are always so classy and stylish.”

“Thank you! I’m glad you liked them. Let me know if there are any other looks you’d like to see.”

“Will you do a tutorial on how to wear red lipstick properly?”

“I’m actually planning on doing that soon!”

“Lim Jukyung, you are so beautiful. Marry me please!”

Suho got up to see the screen, “Who asked that?”

“Sit down!” Jukyung pulled him back as he grumbled. “Sorry,” Jukyung said to the camera, “but I’m taken.”

“Are you and Kang Sujin really friends now?” Sujin turned to Jukyung and all Seojun could see was her shiny black hair on screen.

“Dangyunhaji! In fact, if I wasn’t dating Suho, Kang Sujin would be my boyfriend.”

Seojun scoffed, “As if. It would have been me.”

On the live, Sujin laughed, “Is that so? We can still be together though. Have an affair behind Suho’s back.”

“Sure.” Jukyung said casually.

“Yah!” Suho protested.

Both girls giggled.

Suho looked miffed, “Kang Sujin, you’re blocking the view.” He said peevishly.

“Oh sorry. I’ll move.” Sujin circled around the couple to stand behind Jukyung and read the comments over her shoulder.

Jukyung read something on the screen and pointed it to Sujin, “Read that one.”

Sujin hesitantly read, “Kang Sujin, I’m sorry for judging you.” She looked up, “It’s okay. I can be harsh in my judgements too. The key is to try to learn from your past.” Sujin smiled at the camera before turning back to the screen.

“Kang Sujin, you’re pretty.” Sujin recited in her monotone voice. “Yes. I know.” She said without looking up.

“She is also super smart!” Jukyung gushed. “She was one of the top students in class.”

“Could never beat me though.” Suho said smugly, still sore about the affair comment. Both girls turned to Suho and stared. His mouth became small. “Sorry.”

Jukyung went back to explaining her tutorial, slowly performing each step as Suho patiently sat. She made his eyes look bigger and applied a natural lip tint to finish off.

Both girls couldn’t help but gawk at how good Suho look by the end. Jukyung removed the pink blow clip from his hair in a daze.

“How do I look?” He asked Jukyung.

“Too good, Lee Suho.” Sujin clapped. “Too good.”

Jukyung blushed but couldn’t articulate her thoughts. She stuttered, “Uh-ah! Let’s look at the c-c-comments again!”

Suho grinned.

“Lim Jukyung, you were amazing as always!” Sujin read aloud.

“Thank you.” Jukyung bowed.

“Watch the latest and best movies for free at—”

“Sujin that’s just spam.”

“Oh. Right.” Sujin continued, “Lee Suho looks prettier than the both of you.”

The girls’ face fell flat. Suho just looked innocently at the camera. The girls cleared their throats.

“Ah that’s all the time we have!”

“Ah, yes! Time to move on!”

The two pushed Suho out of the frame together.

“I can still be on camera if you—”

“No, I think the people have seen enough of you.” Sujin said while smiling widely at the camera.

Jukyung went wide eyed when she looked into her computer screen. “Ya! This live got 3.3 thousand comments!”

“Daebak. Good job Lim Ju!” The girls grinned, but then Sujin squinted her eyes disapprovingly at something on the screen. “Lim Jukyung, you look so ugly without makeup? Ya, who wrote this comment? User name KimChee23? Why don’t you show yourself to me and then we can see who’s really ugly?”

“Sujin-ah. It’s just a comment.” Jukyung tried to calm her.

“Comments matter too! Otherwise people wouldn’t be writing them! Ya KimChee23 where do you live?”

Seojun laughed out loud as he saw Jukyung try to calm Sujin down on screen.

“So, is everything all settled now?” Chorong asked Seojun.

“I think, yes. Just look at all the comments praising Sujin.”

He was right, the comments section was flooded with statements of Sujin being a brave person for apologizing and changing her bad behavior. 

“Great.” Chorong shook his friend’s shoulders. “Now you don’t have to be so troubled about Lim Jukyung.”

“Lim Jukyung? Why would I be troubled about her?”

Chorong was confused. He had not known about the scandal. The matter Chorong had been referring to was Seojun’s theory that Kang was apparently still after Lee Suho.

“I mean... haven’t you been in a bad mood all week because of her?”

“Why bother asking Chorong?” One of the boys said, “You know the answer to all of Seojun’s heartaches is Lim Jukyung.”

Seojun didn’t bother responding. He returned to his phone screen where Jukyung and Kang Sujin were wrapping up the live, waving at the camera with wide smiles. Suho was trying to get back in the frame and Sujin kept pushing his out of it.

“Ooh. Look at how Han Seojun is smiling.”

“Something good must have happened.”

“See! He’s always thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

“No I’m not!” Seojun protested. Quietly, he admitted. “I wasn’t thinking of Lim Jukyung.”

ix.

Han Seojun had arrived at Kang Sujin’s building an hour ago, but for the life of him he could not muster the courage to go up to her apartment.

“I have no reason to see her. So, why should I?” He argued with himself. He paced back and forth, going up the entrance and then going back again, unable to enter.

In his hands, Han Seojun held a beautiful arrangement of white tulips and yellow roses. White tulips as an apology and yellow roses as an offering of friendship. It was his way of apologizing for being a jerk.

After hearing everything she had said on the live event, Seojun had no doubt that Kang Sujin wasn’t who he thought she was. Certainly, if Jukyung and even Suho could trust her, then he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt. 

It had felt like a good idea at the time to try to make amends with flowers. But now that he was actually here, at her home, he felt stupid.

What would Kang Sujin say when he showed up at her place? Would she laugh at him and tell him to go to hell? Would she be offended that he just showed up, unannounced? The uncertainly of it all made him anxious.

As he went back down the steps to the building entrance for the thousandth time, Seojun bumped into a lady.

“Oh ma’am. I’m so sorry!”

The woman had been carrying tote bags with plastic containers of food in them. The bags had fallen to the ground but luckily, the containers and the food inside them were unharmed, just a little shaken.

Seojun looked at the woman with an apologetic face. She appeared to be a very dignified lady, as old as his mother. Her hair was up in a chic bun and she wore well fitted, albeit a little worn out, clothes. Her brows were crinkled in disapproval. But upon seeing Seojun, her face softened.

“Are you okay, ma’am?” Seojun asked and his humble words spoken in that rich baritone subsided the woman’s irritation further to the point where she smiled.

“Omo, how can someone be so handsome?”

Seojun beamed. Elders had always loved him. “Ah, thank you.” He responded shyly. “Let me help you carry these.” He took the heavy bags from her, putting the flowers under his arm, careful not to smush them.

“Oh no. I don’t want to bother.”

“It’s no bother at all, ma’am. I insist.” He didn’t let the woman say another word, walking past her into the building. The woman smiled and followed.

“Are you going to visit your girlfriend?” The woman asked, eyeing the flowers.

“A friend. A friend who is a girl.”

“Is that what the youngsters are calling it these days?”

“Ah-nee-heyo. It’s not like that.”

The woman just smiled knowingly. “I’m going to visit a special girl too. My daughter lives in this building.”

They entered the elevator. Seojun asked which floor the woman wanted to go to. “Oh, I’m going to the same floor. Maybe my friend knows your daughter.”

“I’m sure she does. My daughter is a wonderful girl.”

When the lady walked in the same direction as Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh. My friend lives this way too. What a coincidence. They might live right next to each other.”

“Then you should come over with your friend. I will cook for you.”

And when the woman stood in front of Sujin’s apartment, Seojun said, “Oh, this is my friend’s apartment. Are they roommates?”

“Young man, is your friend’s name Kang Sujin?”

“Yes, ma’am. How did you know?” Seojun asked, surprised.

The lady patted Seojun’s face, “At least you have good looks.” She punched in Sujin’s passcode and went in. Han Seojun stood outside for a full minute before he connected the dots. And then his eyes went wide.

“Sujin isn’t home yet. Why don’t you wait inside?” Mrs. Kang called out.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Kang. I didn’t recognize you.” Seojun entered, placing the bags on Sujin’s counter.

“It’s okay, Son. You’ve known Sujin long?”

“I went to Sujin’s school. I knew her through Lee Suho.” He had only seen Sujin’s mother a couple of times at school. But never up close. She had seemed so stuck up like Sujin at the time; with her fur coats and expensive jewelry. Now she seemed like just another lady. Her appearance seemed to have humbled after the divorce.

“Oh Suho! Lovely child. How is he these days? Sujin doesn’t tell me anything.”

“He’s good ma’am.”

Mrs. Kang started lining the containers on the counter. It seemed like too much food for one person.

“Sujinnie never eats properly. She always scolds me for worrying but what can I do? She never takes care of herself.”

Indeed, when Mrs. Kang opened Sujin’s fridge, it was empty save a few water bottles and expired milk that Mrs. Kang threw away.

“And look at you! All skin and bones! It is unfashionable to be healthy these days?”

It was a complaint he had heard from his mother as well. But Seojun had to maintain a lean figure for his job, as he was about to explain to Mrs. Kang.

“Ma’am I actually have to diet beca—”

“I won’t hear it! Sit. I will get you something to eat. I’ve brought more than enough.” Mrs. Kang commanded. Seojun could see where Sujin got her tough exterior from.

“I don’t want to be a bother…”

“Nonesense! It’s no bother at all. Especially not for,” she eyed the bouquet Seojun had placed on the counter, “Sujin’s friend.”

Seojun wanted to protest Mrs. Kang’s assumptions but figured that denying it would only reinforce the idea. He would let Sujin clear up the matter.

“Well if you’re going to cook Mrs. Kang, you might as well let me help.” Seojun often cooked with his mother and was used to being in the kitchen so his culinary prowess impressed Mrs. Kang greatly.

“Your mother must be so proud of you.” Seojun grinned at the compliment. He decided that he liked Mrs. Kang.

Likewise, Mrs. Kang decided that she liked Seojun. She put the flowers he had brought in a vase and brought it to the table. As they cooked, she went on and on about Sujin and her many accomplishments. The woman was very proud of her daughter.

Seojun listened diligently as Mrs. Kang explained how much she was worried about Sujin. The non-profit sector didn’t exactly offer a lucrative career. Not as much being a doctor would have.

“I remember how much she had wanted to be a doctor as a child. Omma, I want to heal everyone, she would tell me. But when her father started pushing her and pushing her… suddenly it was all about ranking number 1, not helping people and her heart just wasn’t in it anymore.” Mrs. Kang lamented. She gave Seojun a considering look. “Has she told you… about her father?”

About the divorce? “Yes. I know.”

Mrs. Kang looked at him tenderly, “You must really be close to my daughter then. She’s a very private girl.”

Seojun didn’t understand why the woman as acting like it was some secret. Everyone knew about Mr. and Mrs. Kang’s separation.

The woman stared into the distance. “If I look back, I can only blame myself. I should have stopped it the first day her father started hitting her. But I was blind. I believed that it would all stop if she got good grades and got into a good university. My husband was always a tough man, but had never been like that to me, you see. I didn’t realize what he was doing to Sujin till it was too late.”

Seojun froze. He felt he had been told something he wasn’t supposed to know.

“And then, she started taking her anger out on other people… it might have been late, but I finally put my foot down. I’m glad my girl is in a better place now.”

Mrs. Kang looked down in remorse. Seojun found it hard to keep looking at her. He suddenly recalled what Sujin had said in Jukyung’s video.

I was foolish. I let my personal problems cloud my judgement and I took my frustration and anger out on Lim Jukyung. 

Ah, crap. Seojun thought.

“My daughter is a sensitive girl, despite how strong she appears. I just want to know that she is with people who will care for her, and not hurt her.” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun meaningfully. He swallowed.

“She is Mrs. Kang. You don’t have to worry.”

The woman pressed his hands gratefully. “You must have heard… about what Sujin was involved in recently.”

Seojun was sure he was going to die today. His heart felt like guilt had wrapped its sharp claws around it and was squeezing tightly.

“Ah. Yes.”

“Don’t believe any of it! My Sujinnie isn’t that kind of girl”

“Ah. Yes.”

“She did go a little astray in school, but what kid doesn’t go through a phase like that? Show me a teenager who has never made a mistake!”

“You’re absolutely right ma’am.” Was all Seojun could say.

“If only I could get my hands on that Han Seojun.” Seojun felt his heart stop. It was then that he realized that he never really introduced himself to Mrs. Kang. “How dare that no good idol take advantage of my daughter? Ah-nee, what kind of a person stays over a girl’s place like that? And doesn’t even help when she gets into trouble because of him?”

Seojun could see his funeral now, his mother crying for him as his friends lined up to regret their loss.

Guys… take care. Please check on my mother for me.

The door chimed as Sujin entered. She stopped in her tracks when she noticed Han Seojun and her mother sitting at a table full of food, waiting for her.

“Ah, Omma why have you come all this way again? Do you really like tiring yourself out so much?” Sujin scolded as she hurriedly put on her indoor slippers.

“Is that any way to greet your mother?” Mrs. Kang scolded back.

Sujin was undeterred. “You know I can always come and visit you and Auntie. Why do you have to come here? And look at all this food! How is this okay for one person? It always goes bad and then I have to throw it out.”

“It goes bad because you don’t eat enough, bad girl! You see what I have to deal with?” Mrs. Kang turned to Seojun who had gone white.

“Ya Han Seojun, what are you doing here?” Sujin asked him.

There was a second of silence where no one spoke. A pin drop could be heard.

“Han Seojun?” Mrs. Kang looked at Seojun. On stage, with makeup on, Seojun looked different. Here, in person, it was difficult to recognize him. But now that his name had been spoken, Mrs. Kang could see the young man whose face had been plastered all over the articles concerning Sujin.

“You… you’re the Han Seojun from the scandal?”

Sujin quickly caught on. “Seojun. Run.”

And then all hell exploded, or rather, one Mrs. Kang. Sujin jumped in her mother’s path as the woman got up with a slipper in her hand. Han Seojun lept off his chair and bowed furiously.

“I am so sorry Mrs. Kang. I am so sorry for all the trouble caused!”

Sujin desperately tried to block her mother’s blows but Mrs. Kang was a formidable woman. She smacked Han Seojun with her slipper.

“Do. You. Have. Any idea. What. Problems. You. Caused!” She punctuated each word with a smack. Seojun, for his part, did not run but rather took it like a man. He was just glad she was beating him with a slipper and not a heel.

“Run! Why aren’t you running?” Sujin asked him as she tried to grab her mother’s wrists.

“Are you protecting him? After everything that happened?”

“I’m really sorry Mrs. Kang.” Seojun said.

“Sorry? What good will an apology do? Will an apology undo the pain you’ve caused?” Her words sounded eerily familiar.

“Ah Omma, stop hitting him! He didn’t do anything. It was my fault. It was all my idea.”

Mrs. Kang stopped. “What?”

And thus, it became Kang Sujin’s turn to be given the mom-smack down.

“Ah Omma WAEEEE??”

“It was your idea to bring him home?!”

“Omma you’ve already beaten me about that!”

“I haven’t beaten you enough.”

“Mrs. Kang please! We were both drunk. Sujin had no choice but to—”

“What?” Mrs. Kang went ballistic.

Sujin glared at Seojun, “Han Seojun do you actually want us both to die?”

“YOU WERE DRUNK?!”

“Omma it wasn’t like that!”

“Mrs. Kang it really wasn’t.” Seojun chimed in.

“If it wasn’t then why is he bringing you flowers? Why is he showing up at your place?”

Sujin looked at the tulips and roses on her table. White tulips, a flower of regret. And yellow roses, flowers of friendship. Sujin knew exactly what they meant. She wondered if Han Seojun knew too or if he just got really lucky with his choices.

It was a while before Mrs. Kang calmed down. Seojun felt thoroughly sore. Both he and Sujin sat on the floor with guilty expressions on their faces, looking like school children being punished.

“Get out. I don’t want to see the likes of your around my daughter ever again.”

“Omma.”

Seojun bowed his head to the ground. “I am really sorry Mrs. Kang. I’m really sorry for all of the trouble that I’ve caused. I assure you I will never let anything like that happen again.”

Mrs. Kang crossed her arms and looked away.

“Omma. Neither of us had any idea that something like this would happen. Its not Seojun’s fault. And besides, he got into trouble too.” Sujin nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes, ma’am. I was almost kicked out of my company.” Which wasn’t exactly true but Seojun didn’t mind fibbing a little.

“You should have been!” Mrs. Kang fumed but then softened when she saw Seojun’s best puppy dog face. Han Seojun was always good with ladies, especially ones that were mad at him.

He inched closer to Mrs. Kang. “Mrs. Kang. I’m really regretful about what Sujin faced.” He took her hands in his. Sujin watched in astonishment as Han Seojun turned her mother’s boiling anger to a low simmer. “But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that this never happens again.”

Mrs. Kang cleared her throat.

“And look, the food we both prepared has gotten all cold. Wouldn’t it be better if we all eat and talk calmly?”

Sujin scoffed, not only at the blatant pandering but at the fact that it was working. Mrs. Kang’s anger all but disappeared. It came to a point that as they all ate, she began taking his side.

“How could you risk an idol’s reputation like that?” She asked Sujin who could only roll her eyes.

“Omma, how can you say that?”

“I mean, now that I think about it, it isn’t Seojun’s fault that his fans came after you.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe this.” Sujin scowled.

As dumb as Han Seojun had appeared, Sujin had to admit this was pretty shrewd. It made her wonder what else she had misjudged him on. He even got himself invited by Mrs. Kang to come by again for dinner.

“Your mom is incredible.” Seojun told Sujin as they walked to the convenience store. Mrs. Hand had sent them out for some ice-cream since she had brought nothing for dessert.

“She’s changed a lot after the divorce. She’s more herself now.”

They walked slowly, enjoying the night air and the silence. Oddly enough the quiet didn’t feel awkward or strange. Neither of them felt any pressure to speak. They got papico, the ice-cream that came in squishy bottles, and sat by on the benches outside.

“Kang Sujin,” Seojun began, “about what happened… are you… You know when I, um… I guess what I’m trying to say is…”

Sujin laughed, a clear gurgle of joy that made Seojun feel strange in his stomach. “Mwo-ya? Has the great Han Seojun been rendered speechless?” She laughed some more and Seojun didn’t stop her. “Relax Han Seojun. I’m fine.”

Seojun looked at his feet. “I… wasn’t happy with what happened to do… with the articles and how everybody was talking about you.”

“Gwenchana. It’s over now. I mean I had to make another Instagram account but all in all, its not as bad now. Besides,” she tilted her chin, “do you think a bunch of cowards who hide behind usernames are enough to take me down? I’m Kang Sujin, remember? Badass of Saebom High.”

“I thought I was the badass of Saebom high.” Seojun raised a brow.

“You were the gangster.” Sujin grinned, eating her ice-cream.

“I’m glad you’re tough. You don’t let these things bother you.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. People telling me that I’m the worst and I should die wasn’t exactly easy.” She said grimly. “But you know what upset me the most?”

“What?”

“That I couldn’t beat those cowards up for saying what they did.” Sujin got up and punched the air. “If I could just get my hands on those twerps then I would teach them a lesson or two.” She punched the air.

The fire in Sujin’s eyes was so comical that Seojun burst out laughing.

“Don’t laugh! Hajima! I’m not joking.”

“Kang Sujin, were you always such a fighter?”

“Yup!” Sujin stated simply. She sat back besides Seojun, closer this time. And he noticed. “What about you?” She asked. “How are you doing?”

Seojun leaned back leisurely, “Eh, I’m fine. I don’t worry about public perception anyway. The people who matter will know me. Everyone else is just noise.”

“I bet your fans would leave you in a second.” Sujin teased.

“Don’t diss my fans. They’re all cool and awesome.”

“What, all two of them? Do they also happen to be named Jukyung and Suho?”

“You’re forgetting Chorong.”

The two giggled.

“Did your co-workers ask for more autographs?”

“Nope. Got fired before they could.”

“What?” Seojun stood up. Sujin relayed how her company had let her go after details about her past misconduct were released online.

“How could they just fire you? Isn’t that illegal?”

“Calm down. It’s normal for that to happen.”

“How can you be so calm?”

“Would you rather I get angry? There’s no point in doing that. I won’t get that job back.”

Seojun pressed his lips together in a tight line and sat back down.

“I’m surprised that you’re actually defending me.” Sujin sounded impressed.

“I mean… its wrong. Even if you and I don’t get along, what’s wrong is wrong.”

Sujin chuckled. She looked at the time on her phone. “I should get back. How are you getting home?”

“I brought my bike.”

“Your company lets you ride motorbikes?”

“Nope.” Seojun grinned.

“A’ight. Good night, Han Seojun. Stay safe.” Sujin walked back in the direction of the apartment. Feeling light and happy. While her online image hadn’t completely recovered, her relationship with Han Seojun had. She might not have to simply tolerate his presence now. They might genuinely get along.

“Kang Sujin!” Han Seojun called out to her, the woman who he thought was vile and destructive. The person that turned wasn’t that woman. It was the little girl who had looked to her father with love but only got his abuse in return.

“I’m sorry I misjudged you.” Seojun told the little girl.

The girl smiled. “I’m sorry I misjudged you too.”

x.

It was unfamiliar territory, getting along with Kang Sujin. More for the group than Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. They all looked at the pair in wonder and shock when Sujin asked Seojun to pass the soy sauce and he obliged. It shocked them further when Sujin laughed when Seojun bragged about being recognized at a department store and being asked for pictures.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Jukyung asked Sujin quietly.

“Yeah, why?” Sujin replied.

“Nothing. Just asking.”

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Suho asked Seojun privately.

“What?”

“You’re acting all weird around Kang Sujin.”

“Weird how?”

“You’re being nice.”

“Am I not supposed to be?”

“Okay! Who’s going to go first?” Taehoon asked the room, interrupting Suho and Seojun’s conversation. 

They were at Suho’s apartment where he had a karaoke machine set up. Seojun had finally relented to visiting their place and it was just as painful as he had thought it would be. It was a mishmash to Jukyung’s bright and lively style with Suho’s dark and moody one.

The posters of rock bands and Junji Itou’s mangas were something both of them shared. It was fascinating how the two of the most caring people in Seojun’s life were into such dark things. Seojun saw Sujin eye one of the horror comic book posters suspiciously, as if the monster drawn in them could come out any second.

Chorong sang first, sharing a duet with his girlfriend. Then Taehoon and Suah went next. Duets seemed to be the theme of the night. Jukyung and Suho went next.

“Alright? Who else?”

Sujin was the only girl left.

“Well I’m not going up there.” She said when everyone looked at her. She eyed the other boys, all of whom were terrified of her. Even they could still hear Kang Sujin saying Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

“Jukyung-ah. Sing with me.” Sujin grabbed Jukyung’s hand and led her up before she could say anything.

“I’m singing too!” Suah joined.

Seojun went next. His was a solo and he clearly was the best performer. His rich baritone singing in a soft melody made everyone pay attention.

“Isn’t it nice to have an idol as a friend?” Suah asked. “Its like having a private concert.” Jukyung and Sujin nodded in agreement.

Everyone swayed their heads to the beat, except for Kang Sujin who was noticing the lyrics Han Seojun was singing.

I want to give you all of my days

I want to tell you all these feelings of mine

The sleepless blue winds

Brightly light up this night

He was singing about Lim Jukyung. Sujin looked over to her friend, who was looking longingly in Suho’s eyes. The two were entranced with each other, not noticing Han Seojun who stood just a couple of feet away, pouring his heart out.

After all the fun had been wrapped up, Seojun and Sujin had been the only two to stay back. Sujin had helped Jukyung clean up while Suho went to throw out the trash.

As Sujin cleaned the dishes, Seojun sat in the living room, looking at all of the pictures Jukyung and Suho had hung up. He could see how Suho and Jukyung would sit on the very couch he was on and watch TV together or lie around reading books.

He tried to replay those images, with himself there with Jukyung instead of Suho but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie to himself about who she belonged to.

“You know, Han Seojun, I just realized something.” Sujin called from the kitchen.

“What?”

“You have two hands.”

Seojun looked at her like she had lost her mind. “Wow, Kang Sherlock. Your powers of deduction amaze me.”

“So, since you have those two hands, and you’re a gentleman, why not help me out over here? I assume you would feel bad that I’m the only one doing any actual cleaning.”

“You assume incorrectly. I have no issues with you doing all the cleaning.” Seojun turned back to the TV and was promptly hit in the head with a dish rag.

“Oops.” Sujin said flatly.

Seojun got up, dish rag in hand. Wordlessly, he took out the dishes from the washer and lined them up in the cabinets.

“Aren’t you ever afraid that Jukyung will be uncomfortable about you singing love songs to her?” Sujin asked in a low voice.

“What do you mean?”

“That song you sang. My heart is full of you, I’m starting to take after you?”

Seojun eyed her. “She won’t know.”

“I did.”

“Yeah but, you’re you and Jukyung’s Jukyung.”

“So?”

“So…” Seojun leaned closer, “you ranked number two in class for a reason.”

“Sujin-ah! I told you I would take care of everything.” Jukyung appeared from her bedroom.

“Don’t worry about it. Han Seojun helped.” Sujin assured.

The pair said their goodbyes to the couple and exited together. Han Seojun said nothing when he started walking his own way, while Kang Sujin turned to wave at him but was unseen. He was too lost in his own broken heart to notice anyone or anything.

She simply sighed, took it as just a Han Seojun thing and started walking in the other direction.

xi.

“I still can’t get used to this.” Suah said, waving a spoon between Han Seojun and Kang Sujin. The two sat opposite each other and were eating their food peacefully.

It was this peace that bothered Suah.

“I mean, how can you two just get along?”

“We’re adults Choi Su. We can learn how to get along.” Sujin stated.

Suho spluttered in laughter. “I thought you said that Seojun was a giant baby with no manners?”

Seojun gave Sujin a scathing look. Sujin went pink, “I never said that! You take that back!”

“It’s still strange.” Suah leaned closer. “What happened? Have you guys settled your differences?”

“Han Seojun got Sujin flowers.” Suho said cheekily.

“Yah!” Seojun protested. But it was in vain, the deed was done, and everyone oohed and aahed at this news.

“Did you really get her flowers?”

“Wait, when did this happen?”

“Does that mean that Seojun apologized first?”

“What kind of flowers?”

Seojun looked at Suho with the rage of a thousand suns. Suho just grinned back.

“Aren’t flowers romantic?”

“Ya! There was nothing romantic about it. All I got her were yellow roses and white tulips.” Seojun defended.

“OoooOoooh. Roooses. Roses are totally romantic.” Taehoon teased.

“They were yellow. Yellow roses are for friendship!”

“So, are you two friends?” Jukyung asked and everyone looked at Seojun and Sujin.

“Meh.” They both shrugged at the same time.

“Omo! Look at how in sync they are!”

“We are not.” They both said in sync.

Seojun had to admit, their group gatherings were much more comfortable now that he and Sujin had cleared the air between them. He enjoyed discovering how Sujin was less the ice princess he had thought her to be and more a regular girl. She also turned out to be much cooler than he had expected.

She had been the only one to see his discomfort when Jukyung and Suho suggested they all go on an overnight trip with them. Going to see their apartment; the very proof that Lim Jukyung and Lee Suho ate and slept—Oh God, don’t think about them sleeping—together was painful enough. Seojun didn’t need to see them canoodling for an entire weekend.

“What about it guys? Shall we go?” Jukyung looked around as everyone nodded excitedly, including Sujin.

But then her eye’s met Seojun’s. He said nothing but he didn’t need to.

“Lim Ju, it’ll be difficult for me to join. I just lost my job, remember? An overnight trip is...” Seojun knew Sujin was just making up an excuse.

“Oh, oh right. Sorry Kang Su-ya. I totally forgot. Something else then!”

The group moved on to discussing other options. Seojun sent Sujin a grateful look. She acted nonchalant, as if she had not just overturned everyone’s plans for him.

“Thanks. For what you did back in there.” He told her as they were all leaving.

“Forget about it.” She waved a hand in dismissal.

The next time the group gathered at a fancier restaurant than usual. A suggestion by Suho who had offered to pay for the food tonight.

“This place is so beautiful.” Suah commented looking around the interior.

“Are we celebrating something?” Sujin asked. “This doesn’t seem like a regular get-together.”

Sujin had only asked for the sake of asking. But something about the way Suho looked at her told Seojun that she was on to something.

“Well,” Jukyung held up her hand, “we do have something to announce.”

And announce she did. The big fat diamond resting on her ring finger had a lot to say. And suddenly everyone erupted with joy. The girls took Jukyung in their arms, squealing and crying with joy. The boys surrounded Suho, patting him on the back, congratulating him.

All except Seojun, who just sat there in a daze. Sujin happened to look over and see him, frozen in his seat. Sujin wasn’t alone in her observation. Taehoon also noticed but missed the implication.

“Look! Han Seojun is actually so shocked he—"

Sujin made it look like an accident, her bumping into the table and sending a glass down on the floor, shattering into a million pieces. The sound shook Seojun out of his daze and also distracted everyone from realizing Seojun’s inner turmoil.

“Oh shit.” Sujin said looking down.

“Hey, be careful.” Jukyung said.

“You okay?” Suho asked Jukyung, taking her arm.

“Excuse me, can we get someone to clean this up?” Taehoon asked the waiter.

The fuss over the broken glass gave Seojun enough time to recover. He then congratulated Suho with a massive hug.

“You both deserve each other. I mean it.” He told Suho and he meant it.

Maintaining a fake smile over dinner was easy. Everyone else was so chatty that Seojun’s and Sujin’s relative silence went unnoticed. Suah pestered Jukyung for details: “How did it happen?”, “When?”, “Why didn’t you call me immediately?”. Taehoon made jokes about marriage being the end of romance to which Suah started an argument with him and then it became about settling matters between the two.

Sujin didn’t remember much of what happened after that, the rest of the night was a blur. She just hoped that she had maintained enough dignity to not appear as bitter as she actually felt.

Even though they all parted very late in the night, Sujin couldn’t go directly home. She needed something to ease the pain. So naturally, she went to the nearest tent bar she could find. The place seemed to be overcrowded, with people waiting outside for others to leave. Sujin managed to sneak in and grab a table.

She downed half of a soju bottle in one go but then couldn’t muster the energy to drink further. Her side dishes went untouched. All Sujin could do was stare and wonder if there was any way to just take her heart out of her chest and throw it away. Because there seemed to be no relief from this pain she was feeling.

She banged her head on the table. “Ah wae? Why can’t I just move on?” She asked herself in frustration.

“Ugh, why the hell are you here?” That irritated tone and deep voice could only belong to one person. And indeed, when Sujin looked up she saw Han Seojun a few tables over looking at her in disdain.

“Wae? You have a claim on this place?” Sujin raised a critical brow.

“And what if I do?”

“Then give me everything for free. Since we’re friends who get along.”

“No. Friends pay double.”

“How stingy.” Sujin took another shot of soju.

The man running the tent bar came over. “Why don’t you two share a table since you know each other? I have customers waiting to be seated.”

“No way, I’m not sitting with her.” Seojun grumbled.

“Aha! I knew it! Being all nice to me was just an act.”

The owner ignored Sujin, “How can two youngsters be so rude? Get up! I’m moving you over there.”

This was how Han Seojun came to drink with Kang Sujin for the second time. They both looked at each other with scowling faces.

“What happened, Kang Sujin? You were acting all happy for the lucky couple.” Seojun taunted. He seemed a little tipsy but so was Sujin.

“Of course, I’m happy. I’m so, so happy.” She said wistfully.

Seojun scoffed. “Is that why you were whining about not being able to move on? I thought you said you didn’t like Lee Suho anymore.”

Sujin narrowed her eyes. “I don’t. And even if I allegedly did, at least I held it all in. You were clearly about to run away with Jukyung before I saved you.”

“Saved me? Puh-lease.”

“Why? Do you think that glass fell on its own?”

Seojun gave her a sideways look before taking another shot.

“You gonna eat that?” He pointed a chin to her plate.

“Nah, have it.”

They sat in silence for a moment. A comfortable silence where neither felt compelled to say anything.

Sujin shook Seojun when she suddenly smacked her glass down on the table. “I’m over Lee Suho.” She declared. “I’m over Lee Suho… but…”

“Just because you’re over him, doesn’t mean you stopped loving him.” Seojun said what she was thinking.

She looked at him, her pain evident on her face. In that moment, he let himself be vulnerable too.  

“Isn’t it funny? Out of everyone I know, you’re the only one who gets… this.” Sujin said.

Seojun chuckled. “Exactly. Who woulda thought? Kang Sujin and Han Seojun having something in common.”

“You know it’s gonna hurt even worse from now on, right? We’re the closest to those two. That means we’ll be involved in everything.”

Seojun rubbed his faced. “I can’t think about that right now. Or I really will die.”

Sujin understood what he meant. “You know what I want?”

“What?”

“I want Suho to never find out that I still like him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t help that I feel this way right? You can’t stop yourself from feeling what you feel. But… I wanna keep my dignity. I wanna still be cool and… not be seen as some pathetic loser who’s still after her best friend’s boyfriend.”

Seojun took a shot, nodding.

Sujin leaned forward. “That’s why, I suggest we help each other out.”

Seojun gave her a look. “How so?”

“Well, if we see the other being too transparent, then we stop them, or at least take the attention away so that the other can collect themselves.”

“Like the broken glass today?”

“Like the broken glass today. And if it’s getting too painful, then we can just talk about it.”

Seojun laughed. “Kang Sujin, offering therapy. That’s rich.”

“Not therapy. Friendship. It helps if you talk about stuff like this.” Sujin insisted.

Seojun gave her a considering look. “What’s in it for me? These seem like things you want to do.”

“You’ll be able to attend Jukyung’s wedding without feeling like you’re dying on the inside.”

“There’s no guarantee that will happen.”

“You’re right, there isn’t. But at least that’s what it’ll look like. Think about it Han Seojun. Do you want Jukyung to always see you as the friend who is in love with her? Or do you want her to see you as a cool friend who she can comfortably rely on, without wondering if she’s hurting his feelings.”

Seojun thought about it. It felt like a bad idea. But there was a part of Han Seojun that was tired of his own attachment to Lim Jukyung. If it meant that it would help him move on, then he was willing to try anything

“Alright, Kang Sujin.” He raised his glass. Sujin clinked hers with his. “Let’s try this.”

I am bad at making memes but I do it any way

[liquorisce]

reading between the lines (High School Years, Ch 2)

pairing: eren x mikasa (shingeki no kyojin) // mild erehisu, yumihisu

rating: t

summary: (modern au) Junior year is difficult, especially for Mikasa, because it turns out Eren’s decided to test the dating scene. 

(banter, jealousy... and lots of feelings)

part 1 | read on ao3

A/N: this chapter has been a long time coming (5 years omg), and tbh I have a lovely anon to thank, who messaged me asking for a sequel to hsy, which made me actually want to put down my scrambled headcanons on paper. if you're reading this anon, i'm truly grateful for the push you gave me. 

NOTE: although i intended a sequel, this is a COMPANION fic to chapter 1, it is meant to fill up the gaps in the story that the previous chapter didnt tell you. i hope you enjoy :)

Today was not one of Eren’s favourite days, for 2 reasons. For one, the day started off with … an encounter. Two, today they would be getting the results of their final trig assessment, which Eren knows perfectly well he didn’t have a chance of passing.

The ‘encounter’ happens pretty much without preamble.

…

i.

“… Hey, it’s Eren, right?” He turns around from his conversation with Armin, to see the same guy from a couple of weeks ago, the one who was talking about Mikasa, and her pretty hair. (he wasn’t wrong)  

“Yeah?” He does his best not to let the subconscious irritation seep into his tone.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot the other day,” the guy with the oddly horse-shaped face says, “… My name’s Jean.”

“… Nice to meet you,” he says awkwardly delivering his dishonest words.

“… So, I wanted to be straight up with you,” Jean says, cheeks oddly pink. “About Mikasa… and you. I’ve heard some rumours, and I thought it best to address it with you directly, because I really don’t want to cause any trouble.”   Clearing his throat, he says, “Are you guys… y’know, together?”

It’s in the way Jean speaks, he thinks, or the way he talks about Mikasa (or even thinks of her?) - it makes him want to ram his fist right in the middle of his ugly face. And because he was too busy clenching his fists to actually respond, Armin says with a laugh, “… Ah, don’t worry, Mikasa is totally single.”

And then proceeds to wink at Jean.

Eren can barely believe his eyes and ears. And once Jean is out of earshot he hisses, “… what the fuck, Armin?”

Armin blinks up at him innocently. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

 “… You didn’t have to encourage him,” Eren mumbles petulantly, when he admits to himself that Armin did, in fact, say nothing wrong.

 “Erm, why not?” He sighs, “Look, I know you… worry about Mikasa,” Armin keeps his tone as neutral and veiled as possible, because worried is definitely not all Eren feels for Mikasa, “… but Jean is a good guy! And if anyone deserves attention from a good guy, it’s her.”

…

 ii.

 She finds him lurking near his locker, stuffing his crumpled papers in, probably wishing away their existence.

“That bad, huh?” She asks, hiding away her grin at his predictable reaction. Eren has always been predisposed too sulking - whether he was a 7-year-old who wasn’t the fastest on the field or 16-something and having just received his trigonometry results.

“… You look like you did just fine,” he mutters, not having to see the A+ on her paper to know that Mikasa had no problem acing the trig test (or any other test).

“You could just ask me for help, Eren. I could help you out for the retakes,” she offers softly, not for the first time.

He sighs. When he glances at her, dark eyes offering earnestly, he knows she means it without any pride or arrogance, but he isn’t able to suppress the prick of his own ego that has him mumbling, “… the mandatory remedial lessons should do just fine.”

…

iii.

When he shows up for class, he sees only a couple of others unfamiliar faces, so he curses under his breath at his own ineptitude towards mathematics for getting him in this situation and takes a spot at the back of the class.

The Support teacher - Erd, he calls himself, apparently too young to be addressed ‘Mr.’ or any of that - seems just as tired as the rest of them, sighing at the lack of answers, obviously frustrated at the complete lack of interest or gratitude of the teenagers in front of him.

So, 20 minutes into the 1-hour lesson, when the short blonde walks in, out-of-breath and apologetic, the sarcasm in his tone is biting. “You’ve already missed 1/3rd of this class, you might as well have stayed out entirely and practiced your cheer routines.”

Eren watches sympathetically at the visible cringe on Krista’s face and offers her an empathetic smile as she takes the seat next to him.

Later when they’ve been informed that the retake is just an assignment filled with proofs and average difficulty problems that they can do in pairs, he looks at Krista, the only known person in the room.

They weren’t that close, but they had quite a few mutual friends what with him playing basketball and her being part of the cheer team. So, when she says, “… see you at the library tomorrow evening?” with a pretty smile across her pretty features, he grins gratefully.

..

She doesn’t struggle with trig even half as much as he does. In fact, she seemed to be happy to do most of the work herself and explain her solutions - if he actually had the interest to understand them.

“I don’t understand,” he admits after she solves the 5th problem in a row effortlessly, “you seem to have everything down already. How come you didn’t pass the test?”

Her eyes skittered nervously away from him. “I was… sick,” she mutters. “I couldn’t really focus.”

He eyes her closely, observing the sudden change in her countenance. Usually Krista was all easy smiles, twinkle in her blue eyes. Now, she looks uneasy, unwell almost. Deciding it wasn’t his place to pry, “… Well, I guess I turned out to be the lucky one in all this,” he grins, “… I get to hang out with you and have you do my assignment.”

She rolls her eyes. To be honest, she’d enjoyed the past couple of evenings with him. Eren was easy to talk to, despite being somewhat of an airhead and being completely incapable of anything remotely math related. But regardless, he made her laugh and just about forget what happened the morning before she showed up for this test, with fresh tears choking her throat, and purpling bruises on her thighs.

“I guess you owe me then,” she quips back, smugly.

“… I definitely do,” he says smoothly, green eyes watching her in a way that makes her feel warm. “How can I make it up to you?”

Flustered, because she hadn’t expected his easy response, she mumbles, “… Dinner?” And with red cheeks hidden by her blonde bangs, she whispers, “I like pizza.”

…

iv.

She finds him at the end of the day, on one of the wooden tables outside the basketball court, chin resting in his hands, eyes glued to his laptop.

“… Hey,” she breathes, giggling when startled green eyes flash up to her, body jerking in surprise.

“Damn, you got me,” he grins, pushing his laptop away and leaning up for a brief kiss. She’s happy to return it, and she lets her fingers wind into his hair, enjoying it for a moment longer.

“Mmm,” she mumbles, “I saw you closing that browser window,” she teases, wrestling control of his laptop, “watcha lookin’ at?”

When she manages to open his browser history – much to Eren’s protest – her eyes widen. “Women’s dresses, spring collection??” She waggles her eyebrows at him.

“… It’s not for me,” he grumbles, deciding to make it painstakingly clear before Krista enthusiastically begins to tell him what dress would suit him the most – he knows his girlfriend, crossdressing would be absolutely acceptable, if not encouraged – and he watches her eyes feign disappointment.

“… Boring,” she sighs, rolling her pretty blue eyes, “I don’t see how you’re not curious about how you look in a dress,” – she gasps, hand flying over her mouth, “Wait… was that… a surprise… for me?”

“… Um,” Eren starts, intelligently, because the situation that was already awkward in his opinion, just became even more so. “Well,” he gulps, taking in the sparkle in her eyes, knowing fully well just how much she likes surprises, feeling guilty even thought he needn’t be, “itsformikasa.”

He hangs his head in apparent apology, but more so because he doesn’t want to see the disappointment flit across her features.

“… Oh.”

He chances a glance at her, and there’s no particular emotion per se, and it worries him, because she gets this faraway look in her eye sometimes, and he can’t really tell what’s going on, and they’ve only been together a few months and he’s not an expert in reading her silences –

“I see, is it for her birthday or something?” Her tone is measured, and she’s looking pointedly at the screen.

“Um… yeah.” Eren sighs, wondering what the hell was up with his own reaction. He had nothing to feel guilty about – where did that even come from anyway? – Mikasa’s his… family (or something). Shopping for her was normal. He did it every year. This isn’t something he needed to hide.

“Yeah, it’s next month,” he says, giving her a smile. There was no need for this to be awkward if he didn’t make it so. Besides, it wasn’t like he was buying her lingerie or something! (he brushed this thought aside faster than the red blush crept up his neck)

“Do you think, you could help me with it?” He blurts this out, partially in an attempt to distract the weird atmosphere, and also partially because he could really use the help.

Krista blinks. “Err, yeah. Sure.” She pulls up Mikasa’s profile on Instagram. “Let’s see,” she murmurs… Turtlenecks… Jeans… a ridiculously modest swimsuit that she wore to a pool party two years ago. The sexiest outfit on her entire profile was probably her in her tennis shorts and that had more to do with Mikasa’s undeniably ripped body than anything else.

She looks up at Eren, who’s still looking at her tentatively, green eyes unsure.

This whole thing was silly anyway, she thinks, offering him a genuine smile. He and Mikasa were close (and they lived together, which she did her best not to think about), but this wasn’t a surprise so it’s about time that it came up in some way in their relationship. In any case, she hadn’t felt any hostility from the raven-haired beauty and Eren was usually quite forthcoming about everything, so she didn’t really have anything to worry about.

“So, um, does she have a favourite colour or something?” She’s eager to kill the awkward mood and is grateful to see his shoulders visibly relax as he ponders.

“… Red, I think. Maybe, like, a darker shade. Sort of… maroon, y’know?” He thinks of the scarf he gave Mikasa when they were younger. It was a ratty, yet fluffy maroon thing which she was absolutely terrible at tying, but she wears it everywhere during the winter, even though his father had a bought her a better one at some point.

They peruse their options for a bit, and Krista picks out a deep red number, a shimmery satin one, with slinky straps and a slit that travels up an already high hemline. It wasn’t really a spring dress but more of a cocktail night outfit, and Eren is weirdly embarrassed thinking of Mikasa in it.

He eyes the screen incredulously. “… Somehow, I just can’t picture Mikasa wearing something like that.” He opens up another link, to a denim overall dress, “… now this, she would wear.”

“And that,” Krista retorts, “is why she’s still single. She has an amazing body; she should flaunt it.”

“… What would she wear it to?” Eren asks, unconvinced. (Also, what was wrong with Mikasa being single?) “… Student council meetings? Debate competitions?! I just,” –

“Parties, Eren,” she says, exasperated, “… it’s high school!”

“You know she doesn’t” –

“Drag her to some! C’mon, we’re going to be seniors soon. She’ll thank you for it!”

…

v.

Six hours later, she’s closing up her shift at her part-time job. It’s a job she’d rather keep hidden – from her friends at school and the law – because she isn’t sure what the age policy was in these kinds of establishments. It worked out because it was close enough to home, and between her and the bartender, the tips compensated the poor wages. Plus, the bartender – a slightly older girl named Ymir with a pretty fringe and a sharp tongue – was genuinely fan to hang out with. And she was surprisingly protective of the small blonde, particularly with the rougher customers, whom Ymir scared off quite effectively with her glares.

“So,” she says, as she scrubs the counter clean, “… I helped my boyfriend buy a dress today.”  

She doesn’t turn back to see her, but she can hear Ymir’s raised eyebrows as she says, cheekily, “… I didn’t realize you guys were into that stuff.”

Snorting, she replies, “Well that would be interesting. But no, it was for his, um, friend. Or something.” Or something, because sometimes Eren refers to Mikasa as his best friend, sometimes his family, and sometimes it just felt like… something else, basically.

She turns around to look at Ymir, who says nothing, continuing to rinse the rest of the glasses. “Her name’s Mikasa,” she continues, her voice getting oddly unsure, “They’ve known each other forever. They even… live together.”

“… What,” Ymir stares at her in disbelief.

“It’s not like that,” Krista finds herself sounding defensive, “Eren’s dad is her guardian… or something. Has been for some years. So, it’s not like they moved in together…”

She elects to skip the part where Eren’s dad is a doctor with Doctors without Borders and is barely home for more than a couple of months a year. She didn’t like the look Ymir was giving her anyway.

“So… they’re like brother-sister or what?”

“No,” she says, realizing that the word came out more vehement than she intended. But she knows that was definitely not the way Eren saw their relationship.

“… Krista,” Ymir starts, and the blonde can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s going to get all protective on her, “… I know you’re in high school, and… you’re dating – as you should – but you don’t have to waste your time on shady boys.”

At this she laughs because, “Eren’s not shady, he’s a nice guy,” –

“… You could get anyone you want; I mean look at you, you’re beautiful.”

The defense that was bubbling up in her throat suddenly stilled, because there’s something about the way Ymir just said that – called her beautiful – earnestly, quietly, and it made her feel funny. It took her breath away for a very brief second and replaced it with a warm flush that creeps up her neck.

It’s strange, she’s heard it before from so many boys with obvious motivations; Eren’s always calling her pretty, and complimenting her eyes or whatever… But when Ymir said it, and looked at her like that, honey brown eyes, deep with unnamed emotion, all she could do was avert her eyes.

…

vi.

It’s 7pm and the library’s home only to the nerds by now. The librarian is lax (and underpaid) enough to ignore the low buzz of two over-enthusiastic AP chemistry students that grates on Mikasa’s ears.

Ordinarily she’d just plug her earphones in and ignore the world to focus on the assignment at hand. But today she accepts anything to distract her from the scene earlier at home. And even though Armin’s sitting right next to her, supposedly doing his own thing, she doesn’t miss the worried glances he sends her every now and then, which she really doesn’t want to address.

Her feelings for Eren were a well-known secret by now, just as well-known as the fact that he clearly didn’t return those feelings, so she wasn’t particularly in the mood for Armin’s indulgent pity… regardless of how well-intentioned it was.

So, when its 8pm and the librarian is shooing them out, and she bumps into Jean, she’s grateful for the few extra minutes of conversation surrounding absolutely nothing important.

When they continue to the parking lot, their conversation having progressed from awkward conversation starters to an animated discussion on Jean’s tennis form, Armin’s well and truly realized that he has no place here.

After Armin’s said his goodbyes and Mikasa recognizes that she doesn’t mind staying away from home and possibly Eren and Krista in the middle of their 5th round, she asks Jean, “… so do you like Chinese food?”

…

When she walks in a little after 10 pm, cheeks cold from the night air, there’s a small grin on her cheeks, because she’s made a new friend today, whose company she genuinely enjoyed.

But when she enters the living room to see Eren fast asleep on the couch, she finds herself staring in the face of the reality she’d tried so hard to escape. It’s difficult to ignore the ruffled quality of his brown hair, mussed up in a way that could only have been achieved by someone (a very blonde, very beautiful someone) raking their hands through it.

She can’t help the wave of irritation that sweeps through her - so she doesn’t bother to soften her footsteps as she walks up the wooden stairs.

Minutes later, she hears his sleepy voice at her door. “Hey,” he says, and she can hear the smile in his voice, “you were out pretty late, so I left you some dinner. We made pasta, it’s not as good as yours but,” -

“… I ate already,” she says, tone clipped.

“Oh.” He’s quiet, just watching her put her things away, and there’s irrational tears pricking at her eyes, anger, and frustration that she knows she doesn’t have the right to, so she doesn’t turn to acknowledge him. “… Mikasa, are you…,” he clears his throat, “… is something wrong?”

When she says nothing, he sighs, turning, “… Well, if you want to talk about it, you know I’m always here,” -

“… Could you please go over to Krista’s house next time?”

She colours, surprised at herself for her outburst of honesty. But her blush pales in comparison to Eren’s as he processes what she’s saying. “… This is my house,” he sputters, “… I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to want to bring my girlfriend over.”

“Well, it’s not just ‘bringing her over’, is it?”

His eyes widen in disbelief. “… What I do with Krista, in my personal space, is definitely not your business, Mikasa.”

“It is when I can hear it, Eren,” she retorts, as he shuts the door forcefully behind him.

…

vii.

It’s been two weeks since that… confrontation, and Mikasa’s barely spoken to him since.

She leaves before he does, makes sure dinner’s left out on the stove for him, whether he needs it or not, and locks her door when she’s done. And although he’s found himself staring awkwardly at that shut door multiple times, he’s never had the courage to actually knock.

He simply cannot comprehend this situation because despite the numerous arguments they’ve had in the past - it was always him, whining about something like a petty child and sulking till he got his way - she’d never truly been mad at him. And she’d never, ever, gone days without talking to him. And as he stares at the locker next to his (it was Mikasa’s) with a horrible ache in his chest, he is well and truly sure that he loathes this situation.

So, when small hands reach around his waist, enveloping him in a tight embrace, his subconscious reaction is to jerk back in annoyance. “I didn’t realise it was you,” he murmurs apologetically, rubbing her hands softly.

“… Who else would it be?” Krista asks, somewhat thrown off by this mood that had been festering for days now.

“You ask some very valid questions there, babe,” he mutters, a distracted half-smile on his face.

Taking a deep breath (determined to shake him out of his pensive aura), she whispers, “… You know, I don’t have work today.” She leans against him, reaching up to murmur in his ear, “we could hang out at yours for a while, if you want?”

She makes it clear what she means by “hanging out” by the way she presses up against him, and even though he’s responded with fervent enthusiasm to a similar invitation in the past, today he just averts his gaze, awkwardly.

Swallowing the rejection with a graceful exterior, she puts an arm’s length of distance between them. “… What’s going on, Eren? Your head’s been somewhere else all week.”

And before he starts to stay that it’s nothing, just that he has some stuff going on, she says, “… does this have something to do with Mikasa?”

His green gaze jerks up at her, startled with unfortunate honesty. “… I haven’t seen you talk to her all week.”

“…I,” he starts, but his throat closes up, for some reason, unsure whether he should really tell her what happened. He doesn’t want to put her in the middle of something that was clearly between him and Mikasa.

But with every passing second, the guilty look on his face only begins to feed the fears that she had successfully kept dormant all this while. “… Did something happen between the two of you?”

And when he looks into her eyes, bright blues seeping insecurity, he says, hurriedly, “… wait, I hope you aren’t thinking that we,” - he inhales sharply, wondering how he manages so successfully to upset the women in his life - “God, no. We had a misunderstanding, that’s all. She said something, I was pretty rude to her, and I shouldn’t have been.”

“And,” he murmurs, admitting it to himself, finally, “I’ve just taken too long to apologize.”

…

She’s barely finished washing the vegetables for dinner, when she hears the thud of the front door closing loudly.

(She remembers Carla reprimanding him every time, for not being gentler)

Mikasa has managed to avoid Eren successfully these past days, because she knows his schedule, knows that despite his complete lack of organization, he’s fairly predictable. And with his recent interest in a particular cheerleader, he almost invariably never comes home before 8.30 PM. So, when she hears him enter their kitchen at little over 7, she isn’t prepared.

She isn’t prepared because she’s been quite cowardly, saying things that she had no business saying, and then being unable to own up to it, unable to apologize to him. Because she knew that when she looks at him, she’ll feel the way she feels right now - taking in the sight of him, drizzle droplets fresh in his brown hair, as he runs a hand through it, his mouth twisting into an awkward grin. She knew she’d realize that her feelings for Eren were never really much of a choice, they just were.  

“… I brought your favourite dumplings from Li’s,” he announces. “And I brought an extra serving of the spicy soy sauce so we don’t have to fight over who gets the last bit.”

…

He’s grateful for the small smile that forms on her face when she accepts the dumplings (the peace treaty as he calls it in his head), and for the small banter that she indulges him in as they eat.

After they’re stuffed with dumplings and inconsequential conversation, he clears his throat, because he remembers he came home early tonight with a certain conviction.

But as she does with most things, she beats him to it. “… Eren, about the other day,” she looks at him earnestly, “… I had no right to demand that of you. I’m sorry.”

And when he’s still quiet, she mumbles quickly, “I don’t know what got into me that day, honestly, I,” -

“Don’t apologise, Mikasa,” he says, a strange disquiet taking over him as he replays her words, “… the last thing I want, is to make you feel uncomfortable.” Or to make you feel like you can’t demand what you want from me.

This is the part that settles into him slowly, that somehow, the one person in his life that he’s always felt he could ask anything of, could demand anything of, and actually receive it without fail… she didn’t feel that she could count on the same from him. And it twisted painfully inside of him.

“I appreciate that, Eren. But honestly, I’ll get used to it… so don’t worry.” She smiles, in that genuine way of hers, small lips, curving shyly, “… and who knows, maybe someday I’ll want to ‘bring someone over’ too.”

She laughs as she does the air quotes and even though he manages a small grin in response, all he can say, without really meaning it, is –

“Yeah… Of course, yeah.”

…

 viii.

 She takes her frustration out on the cash register. “… Damn thing doesn’t open when I need it to, and doesn’t close when I want it to,” she mutters under her breath.

 “You just need to show it some love,” Ymir says, amused, promptly closing the problematic register without any difficulty. “… Go sit, I’ll close up here.”

 She does as she’s told, pouting slightly, but she’s grateful for the older girl’s help and understanding. “So… want a beer before I close the tap?” Ymir asks with a wink.

 “You need to stop offering underage girls alcohol,” Krista whispers, scanning the room hastily.

 The brunette rolls her eyes. “You need to stop with the innocent act every time. You’re a hot cheerleader for god’s sakes, everyone knows what goes on at your high school parties,”  -

 “Ok ok,” she acquiesces, suppressing the blush at Ymir’s offhanded compliment and deciding that that there was no point in panicking every time they did this, “… but only if you join me.”

 “Cheers,” Ymir says, offering her glass to Krista’s and taking a generous gulp. “So, tell me. Boy trouble, again?”

 Krista nurses her drink slowly before taking a sip.

 To Krista, Eren was a breath of fresh air. He didn’t hover, he didn’t foam at the mouth every time she spoke to another guy, didn’t hound her if she didn’t pick up his phone call.

 Does he even care? Ymir had asked her once scathingly, but she had disregarded it, grateful for the freedom she felt in his embrace. Freedom from toxic attachment, from past trauma or unresolved baggage like the one she was destined to carry. When she was around him, she had felt different. Lighter almost, as if this persona that she had created for herself could actually have a shot at happiness after all.

 But lately she’d begun to wonder if she’d just been fooling herself… again. She’d begun to question if she had just convinced herself to see the promise of something that was never there.

 “… I thought this guy was one of the good ones,” Ymir says, watching Krista closely.

 “He is…” she sighs, “He is one of the good ones. It’s just…” she trails off, unsure if she should give voice to her thoughts. “Ah fuck it, I’m just feeling a little insecure, it’ll be fine…”

 “… Is this about that sexy flatmate of his?”

 She winces, feeling exposed. It often felt that way with Ymir. Like there was no point to any of the barriers she had worked so hard in constructing.

 “She is attractive,” Krista admits, begrudgingly. “… I’m only surprised Eren hasn’t noticed that.”  

 “… But that’s what you’re worried about, aren’t you? That he has noticed that of late?” Ymir narrows her eyes at Krista. “You should just ask him about it!”

 “I did,” she states defensively, “… and he said there was nothing,” -

 “… Oh, sure there’s nothing. I can’t believe he thinks he can lie to you and get away with it,” -

 “Ymir, I trust him, he’s my boyfriend,” -

 “But that’s the problem with you. You just trust everyone, and you let them walk all over you. You did this with Reiner and now with,” -

 “Ok,” she whispers, “Stop it, Ymir.”

 “… Krista, you need to trust your gut about this sort of thing. If your gut is telling you that he’s a lying asshole, then you should just dump his ass and,” -

 “… See this is why I didn’t want to tell you about this,” she cries, her voice rising In frustration. Because this is how it’s always been with Ymir, no one she dates is ever good enough, no decision she makes is ever smart enough.

 “You’re always shitting on my boyfriends. And I know you were justified about the last one, but,” her voice cracks just a little bit, because at the end of it all, she just feels weak, “… it feels like you’re just taking a massive crap on me as well.”

 “I didn’t mean,” Ymir starts apologetically, brown eyes remorseful, “… look, that wasn’t my intention.”

 She takes her hand, slowly, lets her long fingers intertwine with Krista’s smaller, dainty ones.  The crumpled expression on Krista’s features has her regretting ever opening her big mouth. But she was tired of seeing one person after another, enter her Krista’s life, and undo the progress she was trying so desperately to make.

“… The truth is,” she takes a deep breath, ready to unleash a truth that’s been stifled for so long, she can’t even remember when it first sprouted, “I think you’re pretty fucking amazing. And I see you wasting all your time and your feelings on these stupid boys who don’t deserve you.” The words come out quickly, rushed almost. A sharp contrast to how long they’ve festered in Ymir’s chest, growing and growing until these feelings knew no reason.

 Ymir doesn’t look at her, she keeps her gaze focused on Krista’s hand, afraid of what might happen if Krista understands the depth of feeling behind her words. But more important than her feelings, there were some things she wanted Krista to see clearly.

 “Did you tell him about your father, Krista? What he does to you when his wife isn’t looking?”

 Krista tugs on her hand, a wave of unbridled panic spreading at the mention of her father. “I trusted you with that information, Ymir, you promised you’d never bring it up,” -

 “… Did you tell him your real name?”

 She can’t answer this question, even though she knows the answer, knows it’s an emphatic ‘no’ - but she cannot answer because there’s an overwhelming lump in her throat, and it’s taking everything from her to barely keep it together.

 “… Let go of me, Ymir,” she pleads, and that’s when Ymir loosens her grip.

 “… You trusted me to keep quiet about your secrets - and I’m fine with that. I’m fine with doing anything you ask of me,” her teeth grit together, because she doesn’t know, Krista doesn’t know just how much she would do.  

 “You asked me not to do anything about the fact that your father is hurting you, and it even though it kills me, I listened to you. But now I see you hurting yourself in this farcical relationship with fabricated feelings for some boy who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve, and I don’t know if I can be quiet about that anymore.”

 And because it’s grown too large, too much to keep inside of her anymore, she whispers, “I love you, Historia. And if you want me to let go of you, I will. But,” she brushes her lips gently against Krista’s cheek, “… You can trust me with your secrets, and your heart, if you’d let me, because I could take care of you.” She feels a warm tear roll down Krista’s cheek and her heart clenches, “… I could make you happy.”

 …

ix. 

 “… I really appreciate you making time for this,” she murmurs, as she watches him lay the white lilies at her parent’s grave.

 He always remembers, without her prompting, because the first time he’d come with her, she’d spent hours crying at their gravestone, telling him tear-filled anecdotes of the dishes her Mama cooked, the bedtime stories her Papa told, the flowers that they used to grow in their garden together (white lilies).

 “C’mon Mikasa,” he rolls his eyes at her, “… we do this every year. Why wouldn’t I make time for this?” And why the hell are you thanking me?

 She can’t really explain it to him, the possibly childish notion that she thought he might be too busy with his girlfriend to remember the death anniversary of her parents. She regrets doubting him, regrets that of late she’s been so clouded by petty jealousy, that she hasn’t truly appreciated how little he’s changed around her.

 “It’s ridiculous,” she confesses, softly, “… you’ve given me everything. A home… A family.” She smiles at him, somewhat blurry. “But I can’t help it, every year on this day, my mind always goes back to that… moment. I lost them… in what felt like the blink of an eye.”

 He tenses, as he always does when he sees her upset, or shedding a tear. There is a fundamental part of him that deeply despises the sadness on her features; it makes him feel helpless. So, he does the only thing he can - he wraps an arm around her, tucking her face into his shoulder as she snuggles into him.

 “I miss them every day. But you saved me, Eren,” she whispers, dark eyes looking up at him with a gratefulness that he has never known how to accept, and never felt worthy of. “… and now I have you.”

 Her voice trails off, almost wistful. “… I guess the world really can be cruel but beautiful at the same time.”

 …

 x.

 When he stops to think about it, he supposes it really is ridiculous it took them so long to get here. And by here he means - Mikasa wrapped securely in his arms, in his lap, on their couch, taking advantage of the privacy they’ve had all along.

 He feels her tongue flick against his - it makes him shiver - and he can do little more than just wrap himself around her tighter, and sigh into her kiss. Her fingers make their way into his hair, cradling his head, pressing sweet kisses on the side of his mouth, on his jaw, and on the sensitive spot beneath his ear.

 And because Mikasa’s always been a quick study (she’s learnt what he likes, what he’s weak for), he stills her exploration (very reluctantly) before she goes too far.

 “Are you okay…?” He whispers, rubbing a thumb along the dried tear stains on her cheek – a reminder of her tears, of knowing the pain that he’d caused her, bubbled quietly within him, having been quelled temporarily by the glorious feeling of having her in his arms.

 She laughs, shaking her head, “… I love you. I can’t believe I finally get to say it.” She rests her forehead against his, a happy smile forming on her lips.

 “… You could have said it ages ago; you know. No one asked you to keep it inside for this long.” Even though he teases her with his words, his lips drift back to hers, brushing softly, unable to stay away for too long.

 “… Well, you never know, I actually might have said it. If it wasn’t for, you know, you having a girlfriend.” He senses the eye roll, the teasing lilt of her voice, but he can’t help but regret the time he wasted. Because even though Krista was a dear friend, and there were no ill intentions there, now that he is here, chest to chest with the girl he loves, he only wishes he’d been here sooner.

 “You’re going to use that against me forever, aren’t you?”

 She grins in response. “… I have a question though.”

 “Shoot,” he murmurs, nibbling against her lower lip.

 “… Why’d you guys break up?”

 He groans, kissing her jaw testily. “… Do you really want to go into that right now?”

 She hesitates, torn between potentially ruining the mood and needing to know what happened. God knows, she had spent countless nights losing sleep over the details anyway. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, I guess…”

 “It’s fine,” he says quickly, realising that if he wanted to set a precedent where she could ask him anything, then it‘s best he starts now, “… She’s in love with someone else. A girl, actually.”

 Her eyes widen, not having expected that turn of events. “… Please tell me you didn’t ask for a threesome.”

 “What the fuck, Mikasa, of course not!” He pulls back, offended.

 “Good,” she murmurs cheekily, “I’ve raised you well.”

 “Hmm,” he hums, “Speaking of ‘raising me’, you should probably stop saying stuff like that. Do you know that Connie asked if you were like a ’sister’ to me?”

 He grins, seeing the shocked expression on her face. That’s exactly how he had felt when he was posed that question, with a little mortification added to the mix. “… Is that really how everyone sees our… relationship?”

 His fingers drift to hers, where they rest on his chest. “We’ve been living together for a while now,” he caresses her knuckles absentmindedly, “Kids our age… they don’t really understand it, I guess. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

 “My turn: I have a question for you,” he murmurs. This is a question he’s long considered, stopped only by his embarrassment, fielding it from others only to put the vaguest labels on it.

 “… What am I to you, Mikasa?”

 The question throws her, because even though she’s told him candidly how she feels, that she loves him, she always has, he is asking her, right now, to define their relationship.

 The very notion, the expression that flits on her tongue, bubbles up in her heart with an exciting warmth, even though she hopes this is just temporary, that it will grow, that Eren is so many things and will be so many things to her that she cannot possibly define right now - “… My boyfriend, of course.”

- fin - 

A/N:  i've been really nervous to post em, because its just been so long, and the writer that wrote chap 1 is different from the one that wrote chap 2, and honestly i dont even know if there are inconsistencies. so my request to you, dear reader, is to please let me know if i have made any fuck ups in writing this - or if you have any ideas for pacing, or storytelling that could possibly help me improve.

also there will be a chapter 3 focusing on eremika’s sexual exploration~

[afterhoursfic]

Hey! Its been a while. Lost the password for my first account- Guess I'll start off with a prompt! Jaskier and Geralt have just left Posada, but every time Jaskier runs off with someone he comes back with a strong scent of desperation, not to mention he covers himself even when he's getting into the bath before Geralt, and Geralt can't figure out why. That is, until he walks in on Jaskier changing. (1/2)

(2/2) Jaskier's cock is small. And Jaskier is humiliated, and Geralt is... Turned on?? He honestly thinks it's cute, Jaskier's size, how embarrassed he is by it. So, Jaskier is pent up of course. When the witcher asks, he can't exactly say no to fucking. He just wasn't expecting Geralt to be practically worshipping Jaskier, thanking him and praising him for letting him touch him and telling him how cute his cock is. Tbh just a praise fic ive been meaning to prompt someone with for a while-

.

I’m sorry this took forever and if it’s not exactly like you asked but I really tried tog give off the whole Geralt loves Jaskier’s little cock vibe so hopefully you enjoy it!

.

They’d only been together for two weeks and Geralt had already lost count of how many times Jaskier went off to an alcove or alley with someone. He would be jealous if it wasn’t for the fact that almost every time he came back desperate, edged with just a bit of hurt, and reeking of quickly dissipating arousal, which doesn’t help Geralt’s own need.

At first, he thinks it’s some sort of game? Kink? Whatever it is, and just something Jaskier does, which is to torture himself and Geralt too by proxy, until he gives himself the best orgasms ever apparently, because there are very few occasions where Jaskier comes back, loose with a carefree smile and just oozing satisfaction as if he hadn’t felt it in a decade.

Those are the times Geralt is jealous and he’s half tempted to ask Jaskier how he does it until said bard walks, well storms into their room, the familiar stench of hurt, arousal, and longing soon clouding up the room.

He asks Jaskier if he’s alright of course because he’s not an asshole all the time, but like all the times before Jaskier shrugs him off and tells him he’s fine as he makes a beeline for his bags and the waterskin which contains half a bottle of wine.

They sit there for a few long minutes, Jaskier steadily drinking as Geralt turns his attention to the noises of the town filtering from outside just to distract himself when suddenly Jaskier moves, putting down the waterskin and stretching before he starts undressing.

“D’you mind?” Geralt doesn’t have to ask, he just turns to the bath in the corner of the room, the water stone cold, at least until Geralt flashes igni at it, and he watches as Jaskier sinks into the hot water with a groan and his back turned to him as usual.

It’s not odd per se to want a bit of privacy, but they travel together so it’s inevitable that at some point they’ll get to see everything, hell it was probably the second day they knew each other when Jaskier watched him strip naked to bathe in the river and he earned more than a few compliments. Jaskier was private and that was fair enough, but he’d always shriek and cover himself as if scandalized if Geralt even so much as glanced his way whilst he changed or tried to take a peek.

It was odd though that Jaskier would turn his back to him to get in the bath, only to then turn to face him, if he were embarrassed about his body then why show it off now? All he had to do was sit up in bed and he could catch a glimpse if he wanted, but to each their own. Clearly, Jaskier had no intention to talk about whatever was bothering him for the hundredth time already and so instead he settled back into his bed and left it be for now.

.

He left it for about a day before they were pulling into another village and saw Jaskier charm and flirt his way around the tavern, reeking of arousal, and he pointedly looked away when the woman dragged Jaskier into a backroom already heavily making out and using his hands to work on the ties of her dress whilst her free hand was palming at his cock.

Resigning himself to a night alone Geralt ordered another drink and reached a hand down to shift his cock a little from where it was pressing hard and insistent against the laces of his trousers. It was going to be a long night, especially with the smell of Jaskier’s arousal lingering in the back of his throat.

At least that was until the woman all but charged out of the backroom, her hair loose and dress falling off of her shoulder as Jaskier raced out a second later trying to do up his laces as he tried to catch up with her. Once she’d barged through the front door, Jaskier gave up the chase, staring forlornly at the closed door as if hoping for something else to happen, and after a long moment when it didn’t, he turned and went upstairs to their room, and Geralt briefly noted that burnt, frustrated smell Jaskier seemed to carry more and more these days and he thought he finally knew why.

Seemed to him that Jaskier didn’t have all the prowess he liked to boast about given that this seemed to be a common occurrence. It’s not like Jaskier was a bad lover, he’d heard the bard get a woman off several times on just his tongue, a lot, so much so he felt like he was lacking in the bedroom sometimes, and yet his latest conquest had stormed off and left them both unsatisfied.

He was just drunk enough that he was willing to go for answers, hell if he was desperate enough he’s sure he could talk Jaskier into a mutual hand job, anything to beat the monotony of jerking himself off quietly under the covers every other night.

So, he downed his drink in one, stood up on legs far too steady for what he was about to do, but he was just desperate enough to do it anyway.

For once being a witcher was actually helpful, it meant he could go up the stairs without being heard, so when he barged through their bedroom door, he was met with the sight of Jaskier stood over the bed, whining as he jerked his fist frantically.

Geralt felt his mouth dry at the sight, but he only had another second to savor it before Jaskier was jumping back, hand leaving his cock to try and grab the blankets and cover himself. It was too late though, Geralt couldn’t help the way his eyes shifted to see Jaskier’s cock hard and red, and no bigger than his middle finger, and yet Geralt couldn’t hold back the curse that fumbled out of his mouth as his cock twitched at the sight.

“Fuck Jaskier, this why you can’t get laid?”

“I can get laid just fine, witcher” He watched as Jaskier fumbled his hands in front of him to try and cover up, not that it mattered at this point, he could see the flush on his face, the sweat beading at his temples and smell the mix of arousal and embarrassment all in one. Despite all of this Jaskier was still hard though, shuffling on his feet as if that would help him somehow and Geralt’s mouth watered at imagining the taste of it on his tongue.

Despite the way he tried to hold himself he could hear Jaskier’s jackrabbiting heartbeat, but he didn’t bother mentioning all the times Jaskier had come back to their rooms stinking of arousal, frustration, and embarrassment and being all around unsatisfied because it wouldn’t help him here. Instead, he took a step closer, licking at his lips to taste the arousal in the air as he pointedly looked at Jaskier’s cock, safely hidden behind his hand now and he’s sure he looked desperate as he looked back up into Jaskier’s eyes.

“Can I jerk you off?” His voice is small as if he’s unsure with himself, and he supposes he is, it’s not like he’s ever propositioned Jaskier before and he doesn’t know how he’d take the rejection, if they could even go to being friends afterward.

“Is this some kind of joke, because it’s not very funny”

“Of course not, but you’ve got such a pretty little cock Jaskier, let me get you off, please” They stood staring at each other for a moment before Geralt took a step closer and when Jaskier didn’t shy away he took another step and then another until they were stood directly in front of each other “Say no and I’ll stop, but please let me touch you Jaskier, let me look after you”

He let out his breath when Jaskier nodded his head once, collapsing to his knees immediately and watched Jaskier stumble back a step clearly caught unawares, but then he’s looking up, watching Jaskier’s face as he pulls the bard’s hand away to replace it with his own, pressing his thumb against his slit to coat it with pre so he could slick his hand over his cock.

It was only when Jaskier leaned forward to rest a hand on his shoulder, eyes fluttering closed and a low moan leaving his mouth that Geralt looked away, licked his lips again as he watched his whole fist cover Jaskier’s dick, and started to use just his index finger and thumb to jerk him off so that he could see the slick head of his cock past his fingers and drip pre all over the floor.

He leaned forward to lick off a drop threatening to fall, his tongue just brushing the tip of his cock and caused Jaskier to shudder violently and groan, a testament to how long he’d gone without another’s touch, and he barely restrained himself from putting his mouth over his cock then and there.

“Can I suck you Jaskier? Please let me get my mouth on you, need to taste you, see if you can reach the back of my throat-“

“Yes, fuck yes just do it” He almost didn’t recognize Jaskier’s voice, but he didn’t dwell on it, just pulled his fingers away so he could swallow his cock in one, groaning as he felt the tip just brush the back of his throat, and the salty taste of pre on his tongue before Jaskier’s cock jerked once and with a shudder he came.

Geralt easily swallowed it and kept licking at his slit until Jaskier’s nails started to dig into his shoulder, then he pulled away just enough so he could suck the head of his cock a little bit longer, a spare hand going to roll Jaskier’s balls in his hand, squeezing them just a little to coax a weak spray of come in his mouth before Jaskier grabbed his hair and pulled him off. They both ignored the fact that he whined, although he’s sure Jaskier won’t remember it in his pleasure addled brain.

“Fuck me?” He watched Jaskier blink once, then twice as he tried to think over an answer, all whilst Geralt wrapped his fingers around his cock again, ever so slowly moving them whilst he pressed kisses against the tip, down to his balls, and then back up to his hips. It served its purpose of getting Jaskier hard again, he’s sure the bard’s been neglected enough that he’ll be shooting off like a teenager all night. “You want to get your cute, little cock in me? Bet I don’t need much prep, you could just slide in now if you wanted, do you want to? Want to finally have a hole to fuck?”

“Fuck- Geralt I swear if this is-“

“No, no, just need your cock in me, want to come just on your pretty cock, please Jaskier”

“Fucking hells yes, get on the fucking bed before I come again, want to be in you when I do” Geralt didn’t waste a second, using his reflexes to good use as he stripped off his clothes to lay on the bed, and frankly it showed how desperate Jaskier was to get his cock in something because he didn’t even complain about not getting to undress him. There were plenty more nights for that but right now he needed Jaskier’s cock in him and he needed it now.

Although Jaskier probably could just slip his cock into his hole with just a bit of oil, that didn’t stop Jaskier from making quick work of teasing him open on one finger, just one so that he could just about feel the stretch of Jaskier’s cock when he pushes in. Maybe in the morning he’ll wake up early and stretch himself on his own fingers before sitting on Jaskier’s cock to see if he could feel it, and the thought had him moaning and stretching his legs open wider to get Jaskier closer to him, to tell him to get on with it.

Then Geralt was shoved on all fours, his chest pressed into the mattress and he held his breath as he waited to feel when Jaskier would push in. He couldn’t help himself when he looked over his shoulder just as Jaskier was slicking up his cock and lining up with his hole “It’s alright if you’re little cock slips out, I know you can’t help it”

“Shit” That was all he said before Jaskier started pushing in, Geralt could feel it stretching him open a little and he groaned as it pushed deeper until it nestled just below his prostate like the continent's best tease. Jaskier didn’t even have the patience to build up a rhythm, just began fucking with abandon, and thankfully his cock hadn’t slipped out, yet, but Geralt knew he was close, could feel his cock twitch inside him, and hear the groans building in his chest as Jaskier rode him closer to orgasm.

Geralt just clenched around his cock as hard as he could, heard the catch in Jaskier’s breath and the stuttered gasp as he bent over his back and came, still quickly fucking into him until his orgasm ebbed and it was nothing more than the slow drag of Jaskier's cock in his hole, brushing against his prostate on every thrust that had him tense and his own cock leaking onto the sheets beneath him.

“Come on Jaskier, I know you’ve got more than that, finally got someone you can fuck with that pretty little cock of yours, don’t you want to use it?” He was answered as Jaskier just groaned a low yes, feeling him snap his hips against him and hearing the slick squelch of the come in his hole as he set a quick pace, his cock twitching to get hard with every thrust, and Geralt couldn’t help but groan as he rolled his hips back to meet him “That’s it Jaskier, just like that-“

He was cut short by his own groan and Jaskier’s curse when on the next thrust Jaskier pulled out too far, cursing as he fumbled with his cock, smearing it across his ass down to his balls until finally, he managed to get enough control to push it back into his hole, Jaskier’s fingers gripping his hips hard as he started fucking him again.

He was right, Jaskier was eager and pent up enough that he shot off like a teenager for hours, fucking him as a man possessed, and Geralt was lost in it, Jaskier’s cock brushing his prostate with every thrust and left him groaning as Jaskier milked his cock dry. The sheets below him soaked in sweat and come and left him clenching his jaw to stop his snarls escaping, all whilst Jaskier moaned above him, pressing messy kisses along the line of his spine, his neck, until they both were drained physically and metaphorically and collapsed onto the bed in a sweaty heap.

The smell of their come and sweat strong but not as strong as the waves of satisfaction rolling off of Jaskier, of the fatigue and arousal deep in his skin, and he knows in a few hours they’ll be doing all of this again, but at least now he won’t have to scent the burnt edge of frustration to him anymore. All he had to do was get on his knees and give Jaskier his pick of holes and if he were lucky maybe one day, he could get Jaskier on his back so he could milk his cute little cock for hours, or maybe edge him if he wanted to get him as desperate as he was tonight. Either way, he let sleep take him, bone tired as he was if he was going to have the energy to ride Jaskier’s cock in the morning.

[ilikemilkbread]

i was thinking for a long while about whether there would be any purpose to me making a "goodbye" post here, considering i barely talk to anyone here anymore nor have i really had anyone i used to talk to reach out to me

but. i kinda want to. just to use tumblr to talk about myself for one last time. and say that final goodbye. except not final lmao

its been 6 months since the last time i reblogged a post. which is weird to think about. its been longer since i was actually active here. its been longer since i last talked to a mutual. oops. i still definitely value the people ive met here, but... i just stopped using this site. its hard to talk to people if you arent using the same platforms for communication

to a big block of text that may actually comment on things:

im doing a lot better now.

across a lot of my time on tumblr, i think ive come across as an often vitriolic person. i most likely was a vitriolic person. i spent ALL of my teenage years on this site, and my teenage years were some of my outright worst. i used tumblr as an escape from that, but i allowed my emotions to spill across. i talked negatively about things often (because i couldnt vent to people in real life). i often outright criticised things i knew my mutuals liked. i would be dismissive and negative about topics for the sole reason of hoping that it would be enough to make a mutual unfollow me. i gained some sort of sick validation from that feeling. its weird to think about. its weird to know how much i cared about these interactions with people i barely knew

lately, ive moved away from online spaces. a bit. ive probably spent way too much of my time on youtube watching study content and fucking discrete mathematics guides lmao. but ive done less doom scrolling. i dont really know what shows are popular anymore, and im fine with that

the biggest change that helped me, i think, was finding other queer people. my university has a queer collective. ive never been more blessed to know such people

i also met my beautiful boyfriend there.

university has treated me kindly. now that were back in-person, ive been thriving. my current units are... something, but i find computer science as a whole thrilling. ive had the opportunity to interview for some related roles (mainly lvl 1 helpdesk lmao) and its been an overall fascinating experience (yes im still a first year shhhh)

with the assistance of a friend, ive found a nearby clinic that does hrt currently accepting new patients. if you know the state of trans healthcare within australia, finding a place accepting new patients is HARD. i am endlessly grateful to my friend for informing me of the clinics status. ideally, ill be starting hrt soon

but. mostly, ive come so much further than i thought i ever could. im out in a small community, and im going by my chosen name in many circles. ive cut my hair off. i have a boyfriend who is part of the queer community himself (though cis) who accepts me. i NEVER thought i would have this opportunity pre-transition.

and my queer friends i have found in life. there is beauty in community. i care so much about all of them. i didnt realise how lonely and isolated i was, as a trans person not knowing any other queer people.

my life has changed for the better. this post exists solely so i can ramble about that.

im probably not going to delete my tumblr. its still too useful for when i need to find certain things from my past. but i wont post regularly ever again.

maybe ill do another long ramble-post if something important happens in the future.

[jade4813]

Sparks Fly, Chapter 14

Title: Sparks Fly

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Everybody knows sparks fly whenever Barry Allen and Iris West are together. Their mutual animosity is legendary. But when Iris returns to Central City to investigate recent sightings of a mysterious red streak, she discovers a hero she just can’t resist…and Barry struggles to hide the unrequited feelings he can’t deny.

Chapters: 14/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Iris didn’t know how long she stood there, in that place that wasn’t really a place, trying to process what the speed force had told her. Time was irrelevant where she was. Or, she corrected herself with a sardonic smile, perhaps someone like Barry would tell her that time was irrelative where she was. There was no way to mark its passing because it didn’t seem to pass so much as it converged around her – the past, present, and future swirling around this makeshift construct of ground upon which she stood, melding together, before breaking apart again to go its separate ways.

“If you stay here for very long, you may die. But without a lightning rod on the other side, I don’t know how to send you back where you belong.” The words echoed in her head, too immense to contemplate, leaving her weak as she tried to fight off the panic that had swept over her from the moment they had been uttered. But Iris had neither the time nor the luxury for panic. She wasn’t the type to go down without a fight.

Sucking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes and counted to ten as she slowly exhaled. Twice. A third time. And then she opened her eyes, determined to focus on the problem and not the what ifs that would overwhelm her. Every problem had a solution, her father had once told her. Of course, he’d been talking about juggling homework and not being trapped in a place outside of space and time when he’d said the words, but she had to believe they still applied. If only because she had no other option.

Focusing on the mist around her, Iris could still see shadows of her other lives in other worlds and times and realities. But this time, she didn’t shy away. She focused, hoping she could find some sort of answer there. Focus on the problem. Every problem has a solution. Sometimes she just had to reframe the question, she reminded herself silently as she watched the images flicker by. Blushing and looking away when the pictures she saw were more intimate than anything she’d ever done with the man she knew.

What was the problem? Well, she was stuck in the speed force. It didn’t seem like any version of herself had ever faced that dilemma before – though with the apparent thousands upon thousands of versions of Barry and Iris that did or could or might exist, she could hardly swear to it. Either way, that train of thought wasn’t getting her anywhere.

So instead of the situation, she turned her attention to the act itself. The Man in Yellow, Eobard, abandoning her within the speed force. Wanting to hurt her. Wanting to destroy the Flash.

As she thought about the villain of her nightmares, the images around her flickered and changed. No longer was she watching the love she and Barry were apparently destined to share. Instead, she watched countless battles between the Flash and his arch-nemesis in yellow.

Holding her breath (though she apparently didn’t breathe here any more than she suffered from the passage of time), she watched battle after battle. Eobard facing off against the Flash and losing. Or at least not winning, as sometimes the battles ended in a tie or a temporary retreat. Either way, Eobard failed to kill his sworn enemy. Again and again.

But it wasn’t just Barry and Eobard in the scenes before. Sometimes she was there, too – or some other version of her, at least. Eobard racing toward her, determined to snap her neck. To put his hand through her heart. And the Flash intervening, saving her life. Too many times to count.

She was reminded of the night Eobard had attacked her in her own home. Barry had shown up that night, too. She had thought it was a coincidence. Sheer luck. But was that really the case? The visions in front of her suggested otherwise. No matter how great their love, there was no way that Barry could just happen to save her from death at the hands of another speedster thousands upon thousands of times. There was simply no way. Particularly since, once or twice in the flickering images, she could swear that it wasn’t Barry who came to her rescue at all but some other speedster (a revelation she tucked away for future contemplation, as she pondered who these other speedsters could be and if they might exist on her world and reality, as well).

“The speed force is not just something that gives speedsters their powers. I am a part of them, and they are a part of me. Just like I created the Flash, and the Flash creates me in return. But that power is more than someone without that connection can control … I would never hurt you. Not intentionally. But you were never meant to enter the speed force for very long. You are the one who brings Barry back. Not the other way around.”

Iris mulled over the words the speed force had told her, feeling that they were more significant than she’d first realized. The speed force needed Barry. Maybe it even loved him – if such a thing were possible. And Barry, it had said, needed her. Which meant, in a sense, the speed force needed her.

Enough to act to protect her in countless lives and realities? Helping Barry to reach her side, to save her life, time and again? Perhaps.

As intriguing – and, to be honest, a little terrifying – as that thought was, it didn’t really help with her current predicament. Given what the speed force had told her, she suspected it would help her escape, if such a thing was in its power. If it hadn’t immediately expelled her back into her reality, she had to believe it simply couldn’t do so of its own volition.

Allowing herself one single huff of disappointment that her prior train of thought hadn’t gotten her any closer to the answer, Iris took a mental step back and tried to find a new way to analyze the problem. So long as she remained calm and focused, she told herself a solution had to come eventually. She couldn’t afford to give in to the despair of thinking otherwise.

In silence, Iris studied the images in front of her again. Barry and Eobard fighting, pushing each other faster and faster. Moving at speeds too fast for the eye to see. She found herself wondering idly what their top speed might be. What was the fastest any speedster had ever moved? Fast enough to bring her into the speed force itself and abandon her in this strange unreality, at least.

Wait. That was it. Eobard had carried her into the speed force. Or, rather, he’d thrown her into it, but that suggested that either he or others had entered the speed force before. Well, either before or after. The lack of time relativity was really messing with Iris’s mind. However, one way or another, other speedsters must have either entered or carried others into the speed force at some point.

No. Not others. The speed force had indicated that she was the first non-speedster to find herself inside it. Though not that she’d been the first person to find herself inside it. It was a critical distinction that gave her a rush of excitement, convinced that she might be on the right path. If other speedsters had entered the speed force, perhaps one of them could bring her back home.

Of course, it was unlikely that the solution would be so easy as flagging down a passing speedster like she might hail a cab. But she didn’t let that demoralize her. She just had to take things one step at a time.

Once again, the images in the mist around her morphed in answer to her silent request. Other versions of the Flash, racing into a black void, like the one she’d glimpsed just before finding herself in this place. The images confirmed her suspicions. Speedsters typically didn’t enter the speed force when they ran. Perhaps they just channeled its energy, like a racer using nitrous to give their car a boost, not needing to crawl into the engine to tap into that extra bit of speed. (It was an imperfect analogy at best, she supposed, but it would do.)

Except if they didn’t always enter the speed force when they ran, Iris needed to determine when and why they did if she was going to find a way to flag one down and ask them to carry her home. As she pondered the question, a flicker of yellow caught her eye, and she watched as Eobard himself raced into the speed force. He did so more than once, studying the pictures as she tried to figure out his purpose. She was struggling to put the pieces together until she saw something that made them fall into place, making her gasp. She watched as Eobard ran into the speed force from a place that looked like something out of a futuristic science fiction novel, racing out again to come to a stop in front of the Allen’s home.

The speed force had confirmed that he was from the future, that he had traveled into the past determined to kill the Flash. Was this the moment he had made his fateful journey? It had to be, didn’t it? Which meant that, whatever other reasons speedsters might enter the speed force, they did so in order to travel through time.

Which admittedly didn’t help her much. Eobard definitely wasn’t the only person to have ever raced into the speed force, and as Iris watched the images flickering around her, she realized that he wasn’t even the only one to have ever time traveled before. But that didn’t really help her, since she suspected he would hardly be willing to take her home, and she didn’t know how to get the attention of any other speedster going on a trip through time in order to make the request.

But still, she felt that she was close to an answer. She had to be, because nothing else came to mind. Closing her eyes to block out the images that might otherwise distract her, Iris began to pace back and forth, hoping the physical activity would help clear her mind.

How long had she been in this place, she wondered. Without being subject to the passage of time, did it really matter? It might have been ten minutes. It might have been an eternity. She had no idea.

Wait. Time. That gave her a thought. Time was irrelative here, so it really didn’t matter that speedsters didn’t race through the speed force whenever they used their powers. She didn’t have to worry that she’d missed her chance to catch a passing speedster because the speed force was no time and yet every time in equal measure. In a sense, every moment in time was happening all around her, all at once. So it wasn’t a matter of when it might happen but how she might get someone’s attention. Someone who didn’t want to kill her, she mentally corrected herself.

That gave her an idea, although it seemed a bit far-fetched. Still, what was the harm in trying? “Flash, help me!” she yelled into the mist that surrounded her. As expected, nobody heeded her call. But sometimes the biggest problems had the easiest solutions, so it had been worth a shot.

Sucking in a deep, calming breath, Iris returned her attention to the problem. As she paced, she swung her arms back and forth – an old trick she used to do when studying for finals in college, because someone had told her it helped to get the blood flowing to her brain. Well, she didn’t know if her blood really flowed, exactly, in this timeless space. But she did stop short when the movement gave her another idea.

Opening her eyes, Iris focused, willing the images around her to change once more. And so they did, showing speedsters in a rainbow of colors as they raced. Electricity of different colors sparking behind them, papers and other detritus left spinning in their wake. It happened pretty much every time they ran, this impact of their speed on the world around them.

If only she had someone like Barry with her to help explain the physics of what she was watching; she’d only ever studied basic physics in school, and that was long ago. Still, there was no point in wasting time wishing for things that she didn’t have. Instead, she watched the scenes before her with narrowed eyes, trying to make sense of what she was seeing for herself. In particular, she watched the papers that were sent flying when the Flash ran past.

Iris couldn’t necessarily explain the physics for any of it, but for a split second, it was as though the papers were drawn towards the Flash as he ran, before being sent in a spiraling dance to the floor, carried by the wind that was an inevitable aftermath of such incredible speed. If that was the case, could she use such a phenomenon to return home? She didn’t need to be carried for miles. She just needed enough momentum to propel her through the vortex that appeared whenever a speedster entered and exited the speed force. The papers only appeared to be drawn in for a split second, but that was all she really needed. Particularly since time, as she’d already established, was fluid inside the speed force.

Perhaps she was on completely the wrong path, but she had at least one theory for how to return home, which was more than he’d had before. Now all she needed was a passing speedster to test it out. With every moment in time occurring more or less simultaneously, it would take focus to latch onto one that she needed. Like the images in the mist had required focus to form into anything of use.

First, she tried to think of the moment she had seen previously, when Eobard had traveled into the past for what she assumed to be the first time. But it didn’t seem to do any good. Perhaps the thought was too vague to offer the speed force much direction. The problem was, she didn’t know a more specific moment that Eobard – or any other speedster, for that matter – had traveled through time.

Except…she did. Didn’t she? The night her dad had first seen the Man in Yellow. Sure, it was possible that Eobard had been lurking around for years, waiting for the perfect moment to put his plan into action. But Iris doubted it. She suspected he would consider it a waste of time. Particularly since time was something he appeared willing to manipulate.

It occurred to her that, even if she was right, there was a chance this would leave her stranded in the past, on the night Eobard had killed three police officers and terrorized her father as part of his plan to destroy the Flash. She had no idea how she would get back to where – or when, rather – she belonged.

But one step at a time. First, she had to get herself out of the speed force. Then she’d figure out what to do next.

[frillshark-fr]

How do you get people to always buy your dragons? Genuine question

i was gonna say something like “haha i have no fucking clue” but that would be a lie i think about this a lot actually so i might have some insights i’ve been breeding dragons as my primary activity on FR since i started playing FR (in 2014...) and people have only started actually buying dragons from me consistently like, 5-6 months ago, despite 2-3 attempts at running a genuine hatchery onsite that always died due to lack of interest & not really being worth the effort. 

so ive thought a lot about what the hell is happening now and why my dragons are suddenly consistently selling and I think ive come down to these being the main points of advice i can give: 1. make friends! be friendly! don’t be weird! be a cool and fun person to interact with! 2. post consistently. post your dragons consistently. post about other stuff consistently. just be an active member of the community 3. POST YOUR SHIT IN THE “#FLIGHT RISING” TAG. THIS IS PROBABLY THE ONLY TRUELY HELPFUL THING I SAY IN THIS POST 4. make pairs that are sexy as hell and be openly proud of them. make dragons and pairs that you like, not what you think will necessarily sell. people can tell when you like stuff and being genuinely passionate about something, whatever the fuck it is, will get other people passionate as well longer versions/explanations under the cut because man this got a mile long. i wasn’t kidding when i said i think about this a lot and i am so sorry if you wanted something concise and useful

1. to be a little glib. i am mutuals/friends with more clout in the FR community than I do kjdshfdsfdhjhkfdf shoutout to everyone who draws their dragons really good on a regular basis because i am riding on your coattails to sell my dragons. i love you this was never my intent, obviously! DO NOT BEFRIEND PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU WILL GET STUFF FROM THEM IT’S JUST A REALLY BAD THING TO DO TO PEOPLE!!! i wouldn’t be friends w/ people if i didn’t genuinely like and get along with them! no amount of pixel cash is worth putting up with people you dont like or abusing people you admire!  but i’d also somehow feel wrong to just... neglect mentioning this factor. idk it’s probably a self-esteem thing sjdkgfhdsf i just Don’t feel like my #success has been totally out of my own effort because its not like im #hustling or whatever i just posted dragons and stuff happened

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2. being consistent! just. posting consistently! posting Every Hatchling I Have and Talking About Them On Tumblr!  Once I had a couple nests just sell super fast likely due to aforementioned clout, i was emboldened to just post more of my nests more often and I swear this has more effect than anything else. i just needed the self-esteem boost to Start Doing That posting consistently makes ppl follow u for ur content which gets even more people to look at your dragons which gets more people to buy your dragons.

-

2a. Also just post a lot in general, even if you aren’t necessarily posting about your dragons for sale. it definitely helps! just be friendly and active and people will come

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3. post your shit in the tag. not in “#dragon-sales” or “#fr-dragon-sales” or anything weird like that because I don’t know if anyone actually looks at those, but people definitely browse “#flight rising”. no matter how many followers you have, more people will see your content if you post it in #flight rising than if you just chuck it into the void. 

-

3a. however! do not put links into the post if you want it to actually show up in the tag. tumblr is cool in that it doesn’t actually matter that much when you post something, the same way it really matters on twitter bc twitter has algorithms that decide for you what it thinks you want to be seeing whereas tumblr just shows you everything in chronological order. if you post something into the tag at 1am... it will still be there at 2pm when people log on and start scrolling.

the only thing tumblr seems to consistently hide from a tag (and possibly a dashboard, but idk) are posts with links in them, as a half-assed attempt to limit spam. instead of linking to your sales tab/to the dragons directly in the post, reblog it with the links instead. to reduce latency between a post going up and the links being available, i type out the links in the initial post, cut them, post the thing into the tag, then very quickly reblog, paste the links, and post the reblog jdhfsdf. i don’t know if that benefits anything really? but it can sometimes take me a while to type links, so if i posted, pressed reblog, typed up all the links, then posted, it’d be like ~15 minutes where someone may see the post, think “oh i would like to buy those dragons”, then can’t find the link, think “oh well, i will just find it later”, scroll on, and just... completely forget about it. so uh. go quick?

-

3b. the armchair sociologist in me also thinks self-reblogging has the added benefit of like... you know how people are more likely to tip a barista when a dollar is already in the tip jar? or how people are more likely to take one of those little tabs on a flyer if one of them is already missing? i think that works with notes, too. i don’t know why i think that or why it happens i just swear once a post gets 1 note, suddenly it gets Even More Notes, and if it doesn’t get any notes for a while it will sit at 0 notes until the end of time. so giving yourself 1 obligatory note makes people more likely to interact. i think

-----

4. all of these are hard to quantify but this one is especially so: have cool and unique dragons. make your pairs sexy as hell. don’t put all your eggs (hah) into the one basket of selling dragons that are technically “popular”. we have all seen triple white/triple obsidian/triple orca/triple any other popular colors and cherub/pere/stained or wasp/bee/glim pthahlos or whatever. they’re pretty! we get it! but everyone has had one and everyone has had those pairs and market for dragons like that can be super oversaturated. try to break free from that and sell dragons that people can only get from you. I can’t tell you what to do though bc that rly depends on you. make pairs that you find exciting or interesting and people will feel that. i have a very specific theme and aesthetic that i don’t feel like is especially common on FR and i am genuinely very enthusiastic about it. marine shit is my Thing:tm: both on and off FR and dragons are one of my many ways of expressing that   if you have a Thing:tm:, either some fr-centric aesthetic (like being super into plague or earth or light or something) or something more general (such as any of the -punks or -cores)... just fuckin roll with it honestly. if you’re goth? make got h dragons. like scene stuff that looks straight out of a middle school in 2010? rock that hot-topic lair. outdoorsey type? make dragons that look like you’d meet them on a hike in the woods. it really works with anything!  people can tell when you really love something and i know that seeing someone really love something, even if it’s not necessarily MY thing, makes me really excited too!! 

-

4a. never show fear. people can smell fear. never be like “well this one isn’t that good” because suddenly now you’ve planted the idea that it’s ugly in other people’s heads when they may have really liked it had you not accidentally suggested to them that it’s an ugly dragon. people are EXTREMELY suggestible to even VERY minor cues so be always a little bit bolder than you think you should be you’d be surprised at how many times ive been like “eh, this one’s kind of a dud, i’ll probably have to exalt this one when the auction expires” and then that hatchling is the first to sell. never ever ever ever decide what other people like for them. always act like your dragons are the hottest shit in all the land and Believe It. this is what people mean when they say “fake it till you make it”

- 4b. also, idk if it’s true of everyone but it’s really off-putting to see someone having serious pity-parties for themselves, on sales posts or otherwise. ive had bad experiences with people who are uncomfortably quick to self-depreciate (because they were using their genuine self-hatred to manipulate me or my friends), so i might be a little more trigger-happy about avoiding this behavior than others, but don’t weaponize your sadness to guilt people into doing what you want. it’s really not cool.

-----

okay i think that’s my entire manifesto on how i do dragon selling. anon i am so sorry im sure you were expecting like “believe in yourself :)” and here i am dissecting dragon selling like it’s a frog in a science class

edit: AFTER ALL THAT I STILL THOUGHT OF ONE MORE THING. It’s not really a Point, just a Reminder:

i don’t post about all the times i have to exalt dragons that don’t sell. you are seeing me being very selective about what i post. you dont sit and stare at my lair or click through offspring lists or check old sales posts. there are a lot of times where someone just doesn’t sell. even now when i’m selling stuff pretty consistently i will still sometimes have dragons that don’t sell for seemingly no reason. even dragons I think are sure to sell will sometimes just... not. and that’s ok! you gotta just be.. ok with that. it’s par for the course. i typically list dragons for 7 days on the AH, give them a couple more days after their auction expires (partially because i forget, partially to give them a grace period for people to pm/ask me about them), and then exalt them after that point. w/ some dragons that i don’t think got a fair shake for one reason or another (such as the sales post not showing up in the tag or something) i do a little clearance (like the halloween dragons i recently posted) but for the most part if they don’t sell, i just exalt them. 90% of the time i don’t even bother to level them up i just press the exalt button and call it a day. it’s fine

[etirabys]

I have been thinking of the nature of my confusion about ethics and what an answer that resolved it would look like. I have a hard time reading about ethics, or hearing ethical statements, because I frequently get a distressed ‘statement is badly formatted, throw it out’ reaction. I’m trying to think my way out of this confusion.

I. Motivation

One core dissatisfaction I have, which is my motivation for trying to articulate thoughts about this, is:

People talk about morality using descriptive language, and have moral disagreements in the same way they have factual disagreements, when in fact a ‘moral descriptive statement’ such as “Water is a human right” is primarily a social act to influence norms. A disagreement about morality, as it plays out in day to day life in a way visible to me, wears the coat of a factual disagreement but is a conflict of intuition and value, waged with social pressure.

I am capable of having a moral disagreement in this way – in fact, it seems to be the only way I know of having one – but it makes me queasy and confused and I usually stop quickly. Something is wrong, I think. We are using language incorrectly. How would I know, upon changing my mind, that I had been ‘right’ to change my mind? What is to be my compass? My preexisting moral intuitions are the only thing I have. And yet that is precisely where the disagreement lies, usually – if it is not there, then the disagreement lies in e.g. a difference of prediction about whether some policy will be good, and that is a factual disagreement.

If we are having a true moral disagreement, then we are having a values conflict, where our primary method of winning is to pressure the other person into adopting our values by convincing them our values are dominant in society and they will be punished if they have differing moral intuitions or rulesets. I do not wish to participate in such a disagreement.

But is there a way to have a ‘good’ moral disagreement? Yes. I can find one possibility, which is trade. Two people who have a really good understanding of their own moral intuitions, and trust each other completely to stick to bargains, can trade values. “I see that you really care about animal suffering. I don’t care, but I wouldn’t mind that much if I acted the rest of my life as if I did care half as strongly as you do. In exchange: I see that you don’t care a lot about racial gaps in growing economies, as long as all groups are benefiting from the trend. I care a lot about whether a country’s growing economy is evenly benefiting everyone. Can you care half as much as I do in the future?”

...obviously, this is impossible in practice.

Another acceptable-to-me way to discuss morality is through aesthetics, where you convert someone into finding something beautiful and desirable where they had not before, by showing them an instance – fictional or real – of the thing you find good that they don’t. Note that this is distinct from showing them an instance of the thing you find good and demonstrating that it has benefits re: the value they already find good. A work of fiction that depicts a utopian monastery whose members’ sole aim is simply to know more about the world and discuss their findings amicably, which makes the reader feel it is good to know and seek truth even if it has no practical value, is the first thing – ‘aesthetic conversion’. A report that an authoritarian country was able to bring millions out of poverty when similar non-authoritarian countries had failed, which is read by an anti-authoritarian person who changes their mind upon learning that authoritarianism sometimes has benefits for their preexisting ‘people living longer and having more food’ value, is in the second category. I could wordily name the second category ‘conversion of instrumental value to most closely align with terminal values’.

(I think the best way to define ‘value’ is any belief that’s shaped like ‘X is good’ or ‘X is bad’. They can range from terminal to instrumental, simple to complex, etc.)

II. End goals

Okay. So what is my end goal for a piece of writing untangling this matter for myself? What do I need to articulate to unconfuse myself?

A descriptive framework, whose use for me would be a translator that I can use to describe everyday ethical language into statements that seem ‘correctly formatted’ to me, so I can actually digest them instead of throwing parse errors and failing to think about it.

A prescriptive framework, whose use for me would be a practice guide on how to resolve moral disagreements. Given that I am encountering someone who disagrees with me about morality – not merely an instance of disagreeing about what means might be most effective at achieving the ends we agree are good, but a true moral disagreement – what kind of productive conversation can we possibly have, and how do I need to speak to them to have one?

Stretch goal: Oh yeah, it would be nice if on the way I generated a sketch of a prescriptive moral framework for myself, which I would use to live. Okay, realistically I won’t do this, but it would be nice to have a prescriptive meta-ethical framework that I can use to parse and look at new moral statements and decide whether my existing intuitions say I should discard it or not.

Super stretch goal: Describe such frameworks that satisfy me without ever invoking the verb ‘choose’ or the adjective ‘free’, which make me seasick to use in a sentence I’m really thinking about.

III. Some starter thoughts

Intuition and feeling are prior to ethics and form the basis for them. What you believe in and think is right is not something you discover about the world – you are not exploring ‘moral reality’ – but something you discover about yourself. You discover what you already believe.

We construct ‘moral concepts’, which are mental objects that tend to look pretty similar from person to person in the same culture. That is, I and a random friend will largely agree on what situations are fair or unfair. This is not because reality is tagged with traits ‘fair’ or ‘unfair’ and we both have decent accuracy at parsing them; this is because we have similar mental algorithms, developed on very similar biological substrates and very similar cultural influences.

Moral concepts are invoked in ‘rules’, which are the elements of rulesets. Each person can be said to have one. I could provide my ruleset, which would be a text list of the things that form the core of my moral convictions. Day to day the exact list I would output would be different, but similar over time. (Obviously, there is no such thing as a ‘fundamental’ ruleset – the ruleset I produce on any given day is not an approximation of any ‘true’ ‘etirabys’s ruleset’. But we can speak, approximately, of a person as having ‘a ruleset’, and harmlessly treat it as a constant object.)

‘Rulesets’ are the formalization of an individual’s ethics. You can think of them as being the ‘basis’ of individual’s ethical thoughts and actions, but usually they’re the post-hoc, legibilized product of what is already happening.

Moral concepts are flexible. I suspect they’re more flexible than rules. When someone discovers that something in their ruleset contradicts an intuition about good, the thing that gives way, I suspect, is the concept. When someone thinks “fairness is good” and runs into a situation that is ‘fair’ by their old definition, but they intuit the situation is bad, they will change ‘fair’ such that the situation no longer fits the bill.

Here’s a stripped down ruleset I produced, of things I ‘find that I already believe’:

1. Suffering is bad, flourishing is good, for all beings. 2. Truth is good. It is good to seek, know, and transmit. Norms that promote telling the truth and converse in a way that more often brings you to know true things are good. Falsehoods are bad to know and transmit. Norms that promote lying are bad. 3. When you enter a bargain with someone, it is 'allowed' to benefit much more from the bargain as long as it is mutually beneficial. (Really, ‘allowed’ means I won’t punish myself or anyone else for doing ) However, it is good to split the benefits as evenly as you can. 4. If two entities are experiencing the same kind and degree of suffering, but one of them has knowingly caused others to suffer and links their own suffering to their past action, their suffering is in some way good.

IV. Recent example of frustrating disagreement

One precipitating event for my diving into this issue again was arguing with my fiance the giant – he has a ruleset where 1 is the core rule, and any other rule, or intuition-that-drives-the-rule, should be eradicated from his personal values file. He finds it appalling that I have 4 and endorse not deleting it. Our argument looked a lot like:

the giant: But you agree that [1]! How can you keep around a rule that makes you less effective at bringing about [1]? If you accept [1] as ‘true’, then [4] is ‘false’. (Also, [1] underpins all correct morality.) (Also, your having [4] in your ruleset is a bad thing about the world, and I am going to try to fix it by pointing out that ‘suffering is bad, therefore you shouldn’t want people to suffer – punishment should be a thing for utilitarian reasons, but the suffering is an unfortunate byproduct, not a terminal goal!’

what I would have wanted to say but couldn’t until I built it up in this post after sitting quietly with my thoughts: Okay, hang on, there’s no such thing as correct morality, intuitions are prior to rulesets, there is nothing in my head that tells me that [1] takes precedence over [4] to the degree that I should ditch [4] entirely (although [4] is in fact a much weaker intuition), and you keep doing the thing everyone else does where you discuss [4] as if it’s a factual disagreement that I ‘believe’ it and you don’t, when in fact the primary function of the language you’re using is social and not fact-communicating, in that you’re simply trying to drill your own values into me.

what I actually say, usually: Argh, do you see what you’re doing with language right now – argh – brain hurty –

V. Am I going to follow up on this?

Hell no. I don’t have the sustained willpower to do anything like this. I seem to return to this project every 2~3 years though, so maybe future me can pick up where I left off. I’m glad I articulated all this, though. The natural way people seem to argue about right and wrong in everyday life seems insane and terrible to me, including when I do it. It’s nice to get off my chest.

[pasteljeon]

Kura’s Ultimate BTS Fic Rec List - PART 1

Long overdue, here I present to you (part one of) the ultimate list (in no particular order) of authors & fics I’ve read and collected since joining Tumblr. These are people I admire, and whose works I find are beautifully, artistically written. Split into 3 parts bc tumblr said no to me and my fat list. 

Please do check them out and their entire masterlists when you get the chance, this is just a list of my absolute favourites from them! 

[Please also note most of these are rated m.]

Happy reading!

➢ Updated: 05.05.2019

♡ - Super Saiyan Highly Recommended

Author: @happy-meo

Masquerade I : 4/4 ↠ To secretly relieve your stress about your single life and your hard times at work, you cave and decide to give this mysteriously alluring club a chance. At Club Masquerade, you can indulge in your fantasies and indulge in who you really want to be without strings attached. So when you waltz in and realize you’re not exactly sure what you want, two of their best hosts swoop in and are more than willing to help you figure it out… But it seems you’re not the only one keeping secrets in your office.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader/Hoseok | Smut, fluff, mild angst

Masquerade II: Welcome to Burlesque & Balls : 8/8 ↠ Being the receptionist of Club Masquerade and working as a barista wasn’t quite enough to make your ends meet comfortably, so when a new place opens up nearby that’s looking for attractive females to perform in a neo-Burlesque club, you jumped at the chance for a new job and a chance to do something more than sitting behind a desk or counter. But just like your financial status, your love life wasn’t all too great either. When it seemed like all hope was lost, fate had other plans for you. Unexpected suitors waltzed into your life in various ways, and unbeknownst to each of them, you play the field, hoping to overcome your fears and finally find Mr. Right among them… But it seems you’re not the only one keeping secrets. 

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader/Taehyung | Smut, fluff, mild angst

Masquerade III : 7/7 ↠ With Club Masquerade’s original hosts “graduating” one at a time, it’s up to the newcomers to pick up the slack and keep the customers happy. And who better to take the reins than the notorious Red Mask’s prodigy, Jeon Jungkook. But things become a bit difficult when you come into the picture, with your desire to do research on the rules of love and dating through your experience with your host. Will Jungkook be able to satisfy your curiosities… or will someone else?

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader/Mystery BTS member | Smut, fluff, mild angst

Masquerade IV: The Dark Side : 6/6 ↠ You were never lucky in love. Through disastrous dates, consistent unrequited crushes, and broken relationships, you’ve constantly been searching for someone to give you genuine love and romance. And through it all, one person had remained your constant shoulder to lean on. Although you had never seen his face, he had given you a sense of confidence and a place of comfort in Club Masquerade. The more times you’ve failed in love though, the more you realized that may be no one would ever choose you. However, one fateful encounter, thanks to your dog, made you want to hope one more time. Did fate bring you to the one who would finally end your streak of being broken-hearted? Or had the right guy been with you all along?

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader/Taehyung | Smut, fluff, mild angst

“First Meetings” Series : 7/7 ↠ How you first met them. | Fluff

Namjoon | Jin | Taehyung :“Sunflower Boy” | J-Hope : “Sun & Moon” | Jungkook : “Picture Perfect” | Yoongi : “Infires” | Jimin : “Flights & Fate”

Hug Me : 1/1 ↠ You and Hoseok were married, but the married life you thought you would be living is nonexistent now. You two were like strangers living in the same house. You knew his heart was no longer yours, but you still loved him. When the end of your marriage was near, you made him promise to stay with you for just one more month. One month was all you needed to finally let him go.

Sequel - Forgive Me : 1/1 ↠ How can one gain forgiveness from someone who is no longer in a position to give it? How can one be forgiven if they refuse to forgive themselves? How can one move forward to the future… if the past was so much better?

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader | Angst

Author: @jungk0oksthighs

Jealous : 2/2 ↠ domestic au

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut

Withdrawal : 1/1 ↠ Yoongi had been your brother’s supplier for years, you were familiar with his name and reputation but never cared enough to meet the man who was indirectly tearing your family apart. That was until your brother got himself into trouble, real trouble, and you found yourself on Yoongi’s doorstep with a very tempting offer. If he cleared your brother’s debts he would get the one thing he never even knew he wanted. You.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Smut, angst, dark themes | druglord au

Infidelity : 1/1 ↠ You and Jin had been divorced for a year but you’re forced to see each other when your son is found cheating on a test. After being called into school you both agree to make more of an effort being civil with each other, but it’s not long before history repeats itself. Family dinners turn into stolen kisses and ruffled bedsheets, but there’s one problem with your new arrangement. Jin’s wife.

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Smut, angst, infidelity

Author: @floralseokjin ♡ 

Of the Sol : 1/1 ↠ A runaway, you’re not accustomed to the way the kind village that took you in live their life—worshipping and celebrating the dragons’ descendants. A story you only ever thought was legend, is that of real life, and you’ve fallen in love with one of this century’s dragon kin. The baker’s son, Kim Seokjin.; or alternatively, Seokjin is hiding a gold dragon dick under all that clothing…

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Smut, fluff | dragon!jin

The Devil Wears Armani : 5/5 ↠ You never imagined accidentally attempting to sell your soul to the devil would lead to this…

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Smut, fluff, mild angst | devil!jin, devil au

Memoirs of a Mistake : 16/16 ↠ A series of hook ups with Kim Seokjin, the college’s biggest fuckboy…

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Smut | college au, fwb au

Sequel - Lostmyhead : 1/1 ↠ Kim Seokjin is the worst thing you’ve ever done, quite literally. Hooking up with him—continuously, for months, is something you regret doing. Mainly because you now have a boyfriend and have seen the error of your ways (mistake!). However, even then, you can’t seem to escape him…or say no for that matter…;or alternatively, Jin somehow convinces you and Yoongi to have a threesome with him…

Pairing: Jin/Reader/Yoongi | Smut

Final - Crystallised : 3/7 ↠ Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past…fuckbuddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart… Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

Pairing: Jin/Reader/Yoongi | Smut, fluff, angst | love triangle au

Best of Me : 1/1 ↠  Jimin has been in love with you, his best friend, since as long as he can remember. Struggling with his feelings he makes a terrible mistake, but maybe there’s a silver lining…? Maybe he can make you see what’s right in front of you…

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader ft. Hoseok | Smut, angst | unrequited love au, cheating au, f2l au

Sleepy ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Jungkook’s never too sleepy for sex.

      → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | domestic au

Author: @avveh

The Secrets Trilogy ♡ : 3/3 ↠ Park Jimin is the office’s oddball. Meek and quiet as a mouse, you never assume too much of him. Your mistake.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, angst

Room for Dessert : 4/4 ↠ A boring company dinner gets a little bit spicy when you notice the tension between you and your table’s waiter.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, light angst | waiter!jungkook

Author: @sodoyouknowbts

One Night Stand : 12/12 ↠ A one night stand with Kim Taehyung turns into something you never would’ve expected.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Smut, fluff | arranged marriage au

Autumn Night : 1/1 ↠ You attend an event to support Namjoon, who is the keynote speaker for the night. You can’t help but feel insecure about the attention and the advances he is receiving from the girls he lectures. You attempt to leave the event early, but he stops you, intent on reminding you exactly what you mean to him.

     → Pairing: Namjoon/Reader | Smut, fluff

Timelines : 8/8 ↠ Jin is a time traveler, trying to get a grip of his ability. He can’t quite figure out why he keeps travelling to times and moments with you.

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Fluff | time traveller au, soulmates au

Author: @army-author ♡

Puppy Loving : 1/1 ↠ Cuddling wouldn’t be complete without Min Holly, Yoongi’s dog, getting in your way.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff

Sequel - Puppy Bites Don’t Hurt Much : 1/1 ↠ When you and Yoongi fall out, Min Holly’s on a mission to make things right again.

Final - Pitter Patter of Tiny Paws : 1/1 ↠ Min Holly’s family is gaining a new member.

Mutual Muses : 1/1 ↠ After helping a young busker one Christmas, he goes on to earn fame and fortune. But he hasn’t forgotten you, or your kind deed.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff | heir au

One Minute under the Mistletoe : 1/1 ↠ You say you don’t want to get back together with Taehyung, but your friends and the mistletoe above your head say otherwise...

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Fluff | boarding school au

Author: @dovechim ♡

Miss Communication : 1/1 ↠ Poly relationships can be complicated. Especially one where there’s an established hierarchy, and someone decides to break the rules. In a series of miscommunications between your boyfriends, you find yourself being the conveyor of peace, and something else that isn’t quite what you expected.

     → Pairing: Namkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | domestic au

Reset : 1/1 ↠ We are made of the pieces of what we remember, and we hold in ourselves the hopes and fears of those who love us. As long as there are memories to call our own, there can be no true loss. But Park Jimin has no such privilege.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, angst | college au

A Serpent’s Flower (co-written w/ @jimlingss) : 2/2 ↠ The wizarding community has learned from its past mistakes, sure, but that doesn’t mean that house rivalries aren’t still an issue. What transpires between you and a certain Park Jimin seems to go far beyond just house enmity though - it’s downright personal, and one might even say you go out of your way to torment him. But when a love potion goes awry, it may just force you to walk in his shoes.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff, smut | hogwarts au, hufflepuff!jimin, slytherin!reader, e2l au

Sequel - Sowing a Sapling ♡ (co-written w/ @jimlingss) : 2/2 ↠ What no one told you about ‘Happily Ever After’s’: the next day, you’ll still have to wake up and go about your life as per normal, because life isn’t a fairytale. You thought you had the rest of your life figured out: settling down happily with Jimin, ruling over all of Hogwarts with an iron fist as the Potions Master, and maybe, in the very distant future, starting a family of your own. But life, as usual, decides to throw a wrench in your plans. With a baby on the way and your husband insistently refusing all attempts at initiating sex, the arrival of a gorgeous new student teacher spells disaster for your marriage. If getting married to Park Jimin was the happiest day of your lfie, what does it say about the rest of your life?

Discipline and Punish : 1/1 ↠ When your brat of a boyfriend shows up unexpectedly at your workplace, you decide you have to teach him a lesson.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | sub jungkook

Edge : 1/1 ↠ Babyboy!Jungkook 

Songbird : 1/1 ↠ Vocal line basically takes turns breeding you. 

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Jimin/Jin/Taehyung/Reader | breeding au

Dark Side of the Moon : 1/1 + 4/4 drabbles ↠ Falling in love at first sight is cliche, not until it happens to you on a dark night in a lonely alley. But you’re only human, while Park Jimin is Alpha of his pack; it could never work out. so you resort to pining for him like a wolf howling at the moon, but when Jimin goes feral, that’s when everything changes.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | werewolf au

The Airport Couple ♡ (co-written w/ @jimlingss) : 2/2 (1): The P[ass]enger from Hell ↠ As a TSA agent, you expect your job to be relatively easy, most passengers these days follow the rules to the T in order to avoid prolonging their custom checks. But not a certain Park Jimin, who seems to have a problem understanding what 100ml is, or the very simple fact that gadgets must be taken out of the bag, and bomb jokes are strictly off limits. Frequent traveller Park Jimin is your nemesis, but darn is he a cute one.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | frequent traveller!jimin, tsa agent!reader

(2): Park Jimin’s Cock[pit] ↠ Talk about Angry Birds, and most people would immediately think of the mobile game app. But within your circle of friends, it stands for something else. It’s synonymous with Park Jimin, one of the most talented pilots from your batch who also just happens to have anger issues, or in other words, air rage. He is your best friend, but when you get teamed up with him as his co-pilot, you can only pray things don’t go south ... literally.

Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | pilot au

Author: @jungblue

Hidden Stars : 5/5 ↠ It started out simple, but when your feelings start to grow for the idol who isn’t allowed to date, things get complicated.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader ft. Yoongi | Smut, angst | idolverse

The T-Shirt Thief : 1/1 ↠ In the midst of your loneliness due to Taehyung’s absence, you decide that you need a distraction, which somehow manifests itself as going over to his apartment and stealing a t-shirt or two… or three…

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Smut, Fluff | idolverse

I Hate You, I Love You ♡ : 5/5 ↠ You hated him at seven, warmed up to him at twelve, and liked him at fifteen. Now the two of you are twenty years old and inseparable best friends… and you’re absolutely in love with him; he’s in love too—just not with you.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | cheating au, best friends au

The Devil’s Change Up : 1/1 ↠ Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | college au, baseball player!jungkook

Author: @kittae

Carnal Cupidity ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Things are a little tense in your relationship with your boyfriend, an alpha wolf and leader of his own pack. After another fight, you’ve had just about enough and decide to take matters into your own hands when his heat approaches. Your methods, however, prove to be more effective than intended…

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Smut, fluff | werewolf au

Anemia : 2/2 ↠ Jungkook is a bored and thirsty vampire, desperate for something new, something fresh. And let there just be a new girl at his favorite stripclub. You.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | vampire au

Heavy Petting : 1/1 ↠ Your boyfriend is not just a cat hybrid, he’s also very needy! When you come home from work and you expect him to be all over you, you’re fairly disappointed to find he prefers a nap over some well-deserved quality time. You’ll make sure to pay him back for that.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | hybrid au | sub jimin

Author: @gimmesumsuga ♡

Sweeter than Sweet ♡ : 80/? ↠ You never would have expected someone like Park Jimin to notice you.  As handsome and beguiling as he is deadly, you’re enthralled from the very moment you meet.  Addicted to his kiss and his bite, Jimin opens up your eyes to a whole new world of love, lust and seduction.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader/Yoongi | Smut, fluff | vampire au

See You ♡ : 2/2 ↠ The one where Taehyung notices you at a concert, and can’t help but want to see you again.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Smut, fluff | idolverse

Orectic : 1/1 ↠ The one where you’re a hybrid in heat, and Hobi helps you out.

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader | Smut, fluff | hybrid au

Turn it Up : 1/1 ↠ The one where Jimin takes care of you - and you take care of him.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | sub jimin

Author: @hobibliophile

Blue Blooded : 2/2 ↠ You’ve been happily married to Crown Prince Seokjin for months now. Or so it would appear to the public. What only you and the palace staff know your shameful secret: you never consummated your marriage.

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Smut, fluff | royalty au, prince!jin

Not what it looks like : 1/1 ↠ You run into the campus clown Taehyung when he’s in a weird situation but it’s really not what it looks like. Turns out, Taehyung is not what he looks like either.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Fluff | college au

Try Hard ♡ : 2/2 ↠ Yoongi asks you to help him photograph the university rugby team, and you’re reluctant until you see Jeon Jungkook in uniform. Damn.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | college au, rugby player!jungkook

Author: @inktae ♡

Blue Orchids ♡ : 1/1 + 2/2 drabbles ↠ Hanahaki disease au, soulmate au

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst | unrequited love au

The Blue Notebooks : 1/1 ↠ Time travel au

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Angst

The Raindrop Prelude : 1/1 ↠ Pianist au

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff, angst

Author: @jincherie ♡

Silly Kitty : 2/2 ↠ When your friend Jungkook asks you for a favour you aren’t quite expecting it to end with you taking home the handsome cat hybrid he found in an alley.

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Fluff | hybrid au

Timid ♡ : 1/1 + 2/2 drabbles ↠ Jimin was by far the cutest person you’d ever seen, but he always seemed to avoid you, dodging activities and events that included you. That changes when his home is compromised and he finds himself staying with you while it’s being repaired.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff | hybrid au

Butterfingers : 1/1 ↠ He had you at the first pebble he gave you.

     → Pairing: Namjoon/Reader | Fluff | hybrid au, teacher au

Wanted ♡ : 6/6 ↠ You were a deserter, a renegade, a wanted “criminal”. It was never in your plans to crash land on that planet, and it most certainly wasn’t in your plans to fall in love with it’s handsome ruler.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | space au, alien au, soulmate au

A Well Oiled Machine : 2/2 ↠ Your life takes a bit of a turn when you stumble upon an android in pieces, hidden in an alleyway in an area known for its shadows and debauchery. Taking him home to fix him might have been the best decision you’d ever made, but perhaps there was a little more to the android JK01-97 than you’d initially thought.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | robot au, futuristic au, sub jungkook

Under the Bridge : 1/1 ↠ Your life takes a turn for the better one night when you find a bun under the bridge.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | hybrid au

Tentacledipity : 4/7 ↠ This tale starts, as any good fiction does, with a girl crash landing on a foreign planet. And, like any good fiction, it follows a theme of serendipitous happening, and tentacles. Behold, serendipity and tentacles— or dare we call it…. tentacledipity.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | wanted au, alien au, space au, soulmate au

Author: @gukyi ♡

Start Anew : 1/1 ↠ It’s been five years since you left your hometown, vowing never to return, but a simple invitation to a Christmas party and a yearning to know whether or not you’re truly over the heartbreak you left behind has you wondering if, maybe, the Christmas spirit and promise of a new beginning can change your mind.

     → Pairing: Jin/Reader | Fluff, angst | exes au

I’ll give you my heart : 1/1 ↠ Gift exchanges are cool. gift exchanges with your ceo-slash-best friend Min Yoongi are less cool, because what the hell are you supposed to get the man that already has everything?

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff | ceo au, f2l au, christmas au

Heart is where the home is : 1/1 ↠ When you woke up this morning, you didn’t really picture yourself falling in love with the attractive, well-read traveller sitting next to you on the plane, but a missed connection and an alarming amount of hand-holding later, you find that you both get a lot more than what you paid for.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Fluff, smut | airport au, s2l au

Pen Pals : 1/1 ↠ To put it simply, pretending to be Jungkook’s pen pal when you were both eight just so he wouldn’t be disappointed was a bad idea, because now he’s in love with them. or, well, you, he just doesn’t know it

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | high school au, f2l au

Love, Guaranteed : 1/1 ↠ With the celestial ball quickly approaching, Kim Taehyung is horrified to find out that you, his best friend, are dateless. to remedy this, he initiates The Match Project, a matchmaking service designed to find the most optimal date. to you, it’s an opportunity to meet someone else so you can stop pining after your clueless best friend. To him, it’s an opportunity to finally, once and for all, tell you how he feels.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Fluff, mild angst | f2l au, hogwarts au

Author: @the95liner

Watch Me, Watch You : 3/3 ↠ “Mr. Park, I currently have a 4.0 (A/N: this means 85%+ btw to all the non-american readers) in all my classes of the last four years of my university career, I have one friend, no boyfriend and I haven’t had sex in more than six months. All because I can’t find time to spare for these things since I’m continuously working on assignments, essays and studying for upcoming midterms. I am a hundred percent serious with you right now when I plead for you to give me a second chance or at least consider raising my mark to a decent grade.—”

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff, angst | college au, TA!jimin, camboy!jimin

We don’t talk anymore : 1/1 ↠ Ever since he had seen you play the piano for your music class, he’d been inspired by the complete look of tranquility that conquered your features as your fingered danced across the keyboard. He had made that tranquility his soul purpose of drawing. He dreamt of capturing that expression and gifting it to you.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst, fluff | best friends au, artist!jungkook

Author: @tayegi ♡

What am I to you? : 1/1 ↠ Idolverse, amnesia au.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Angst

Cobalt and Charcoal : 1/1 ↠ Soulmate au.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader ft. Jungkook | Angst, smut

The Golden Boy ♡ : 3/3 + 1/1 drabbles ↠ medical (?) au, fwb au, childhood friends au.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Angst, smut | arranged marriage au, unrequited love au

In Bloom ♡ : 3/3 ↠ Werewolf au.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst 

Roommates ♡ : 3/3 ↠ Roommates au, f2l au.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst 

Equilibrium pt. 1, Polyamory ♡ : 14/14 ↠ Loosely based on Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader/Jimin | Smut, angst

New Rules ♡ : 12/? ↠ Fratboy!Jungkook.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | college au, fwb au

Elements ♡ : 24/? ↠ Circle of magic au, boarding school au.

     → Pairing: OT7 (?)/Reader | Fluff, angst, mystery | magic au

Author: @namjoonchronicles

Iris : 2/2 ↠ Jungkook made it clear to you, who is chasing who. His inability to show PDA made you question your worth. Until one day, you’ve finally had enough.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst | idolverse

Good Guy : 1/1 ↠ Having a baby with namjoon is your lifelong dream, but medical conditions don’t make that possible anytime soon. what happens when your ex boyfriend being a single dad, comes into your life? How will Namjoon handle his jealousy?

     → Pairing: Namjoon/Reader ft. Chanyeol | Angst, fluff | domestic au

Author: @bwitten

Learning Curve : 1/1 ↠ Switch!Jungkook. Pwp.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut

Author: @mrsmon

Little Lights : 1/1 ↠ Angst.

     → Pairing: Namjoon/Reader

Heartbreak : 1/1 ↠ Angst.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader

Author: @taesthetes ♡

Imbroglio ♡ : 1/1 ↠ The first impression is always important. But so is the second.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff | office au, intern au

The Universe of Us ♡ : 1/1 ↠ The story of Icarus tells of a naive being who loved the sun and flew too close, leading to his untimely descent into the ocean. But what the tale didn’t speak of was how the sun and the moon fell in love with him, too. And with the pull of the tides due to the attraction of the sun and the moon, he tosses and turns, torn between two entities.So if Kim Taehyung embodies the sun, then Jeon Jungkook is the moon.And you are Icarus. 

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader ft. Jungkook | Fluff, angst | fantasy au, slice of life au

Law and Order: BTS (collab w/ @milknotes) : 3/7 ↠ In the Bighit justice system, romance-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Seoul, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Bangtan Police Unit. These are their stories. From scandalizing traffic tickets to cuffing criminals, the seven cops must navigate their way through the dangerous streets of bad pick up lines, stealing of hearts, and a whole lot of doughnuts.

     → Pairing: series of one-shots; each member x reader | Fluff | police au

Gauche : 1/1 ↠ Waking up to a one night stand doesn’t seem as great as it did last night.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff | morning after au, college au

Author: @dreamscript

Grow : 1/1 ↠ He’s rude, like his feral plants.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff | fantasy au

Office Visits : 1/1 ↠ Yoongi has a daddy kink.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Smut | pwp, mafia au

Sunshine : 1/1 ↠ And no, he doesn’t wash off the ink, even when you draw a huge dick on his forehead and the teachers give him dirty looks.

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader | Fluff | high school au

Picture Perfect : 1/1 ↠ Yoongi’s searching for perfection. He meets you.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff, angst | artist au

Author: @imaginethisbts

Territory : 2/2 + 2/2 drabbles ↠ Dogboy Tae gets extremely possessive when “that time of the month” rolls around and find’s it hard to control his natural instincts and his dominating nature during the monthly occurrence.  

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Smut | pwp, dogboy!taehyung, hybrid au

Shameless : 1/1 ↠ Taehyung’s the new guy in town, just trying to make some friends. And when Jungkook invites him to a party, he thinks he’s finally gotten a good opportunity to meet some new people. But what he doesn’t expect is witnessing his new friend Jungkook and his girlfriend, you, getting it on in front of him, and all of the other guys, at this so-called party.  

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader ft. Taehyung | Smut | pwp

It takes two to make a thing go right ♡ : 2/2 ↠ What’s better than one dogboy lover? Two dogboy lovers. But when Tae and Jungkook seem unusually clingy, it can only mean one thing. That time of the month has snuck up on you and your dogboy lovers do not want to share.  

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader, Jungkook/Reader | Smut | pwp, hybrid au, dogboy!taehyung, dogboy!jungkook

Author: @kainks

Orange Tulips ♡ : 1/1 ↠ You’d remember Jungkook with every life you lived. Only he’d never remember you, never recall how your fates were written in the stars since the beginning of time. 

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst, smut | soulmate au, reincarnation au

Complete : 1/1 ↠ Jungkook. Staff room sex. Feelings revealed.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | idolverse

Midnight Suck : 4/? ↠ You had seen him drain the life out of someone, there was no way he could leave you alone now.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | vampire au, soulmates au

Author @imsarabum

I won’t stop you ♡ : 30/30 ↠ You drive to your boss‘ house with the intention of returning his wallet he left at the office. You feel uneasy, seeing his manor for the first time - Jungkook also feels uneasy, but for reasons that you could never begin to imagine.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | vampire au

I need you : 1/1 ↠ You and Taehyung are in love with each other, but have never made your relationship official. Taehyung gets too drunk and ends up making out with another girl - and Jungkook lets you know everything the next morning.  

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Angst | college au

Author: @yoonia

Undo ♡ : 1/1 + 7/7 drabbles ↠ You were his soulmate, that part he knew well. Until one day he didn’t want you anymore. He couldn’t, when all he could see from you was light and all he felt within himself was darkness. Your love has gone cold as he retreated from you, burying himself deep in the dark. But what happened when Yoongi had to watch you start over with somebody else, when Yoongi let his selfishness gain control on him of you.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Angst, smut | exes au, slice of life au

Over Again : 3/3 ↠ Sometimes all we need is closure from the past to be able to move on.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Angst | pianist!jimin, artist!reader

Author: @nchu

Private : 1/1 ↠ A glimpse of something private, something that should have remained unknown to your eyes and suddenly the boy you had believed was innocent had become a man practically reeking of testosterone. 

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | idolverse

Cheat ♡ : 1/1 ↠ infidelity au.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Angst | idolverse

Author: @ellieljade

Apologies : 1/1 ↠ After a fight, Taehyung can’t bring himself to apologize to his girlfriend until he realizes that she might have moved on. If he wants her he needs to go get her.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader | Angst, smut | idolverse

Only Mine ♡ : 1/1 ↠ When you realized your boyfriend was cheating you didn’t expect the waiter you chose for retaliation to become so important to you. Now that you are engaged it is time for you to finally declare who is the one you belong with.

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader | Angst, smut | waiter!hoseok

This is how you lose her : 7/7 ↠ A series of short one shots focusing on the moment or choice that will lead to the end of a relationship.  

     → Pairing: each member has an individual chapter | Angst

Author: @noona-la-la-la

Unexpected : 8/8 + 1/1 bonus chapter ↠ An attempt to make Yoongi jealous goes to far - but his reaction is unexpected.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader ft. Taehyung | Smut, angst 

Nursemaid : 1/1 ↠ Jimin’s crush comes over to his house to help him out after he suffers an injury that leaves him with limited use of both hands.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut | college au

Author: @winetae ♡

Love me, love me ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Legally speaking, Jimin is yours - the shiny collar clasped around his neck and the adoption papers attest this. But behind closed doors, Jimin makes sure you understand that he isn’t anyone’s bitch.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut | hybrid au

Nudes, not flowers : 2/2 ↠ You’re not supposed to fall for Jung Hoseok and his repertoire of awful pick-up lines - but you do. The problem is: he’s afraid of commitment, and bolts at the idea of settling down. After that, you decide to stay far away from fuckboys, but his friend decides to test your new found resolutions.

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader, Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | fuckboi au, college au

Sequel - Tessellate : 2/? ↠ Triangles are supposed to be the strongest and most stable of geometric shapes. You wonder how true this statement is if applied to real life situations. The way you see it: triangles aren’t a reliable structure for relationships, especially if the parties you’re involved with find commitment to be a foreign concept.

→ Pairing: Hoseok/Reader, Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | fuckboi au, college au

What you did last summer ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Yoongi was fine with a lot of things - you maxing out his credit cards to buy ridiculously expensive items of clothing that you never wore more than once, you taking out his newest ride for a spin without permission, you spending an extra thirty minutes on your hair and makeup when he was running late for a dinner function. What he was not okay with, however, was sharing your pussy with barely-out-of-college boys who are incapable of going five seconds without creaming their pants. No, that was where he drew the line.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader ft. OT6 | Smut | trophy wife au

Hearts on Fire : 2/2 ↠ Your boyfriend is a dragon. Or so he claims.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, fluff | dragon!jungkook

All that is Gold : 1/1 ↠ As a college student struggling to make ends meet, Taehyung resorts to a less than ethical method to satisfy his appetite for expensive treats. The last thing he wants is for you to find out how he acquires the Gucci in his closet ... however this proves to be difficult when you are his roommate.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader ft. Female OC | Smut, angst | roommate au, college au, sugar baby au

Author: @minsvga

Lifetimes : 1/1 ↠ You spent almost four lifetimes with the love of your life, hopelessly and happily in love with each other - until you lost him, somewhere in the complex webs of reincarnation. It had been almost two hundred years since then and you hadn’t seen him since, with nothing left of him but his memory.  

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | reincarnation au, soulmates au, high school au

Inked ♡ : 1/1 ↠ You woke up to an empty bed, groggy and awake and looking for his warmth under the blankets. But all that was left was a letter taped to the desk, the pungent tang of alcohol, and his cologne. He was gone.  

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Angst, smut | best friends au, musician!yoongi 

Author: @joonbird

Breakfast in Bed ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Min Yoongi, a grumpy Ikea employee, is wondering who you are and why exactly you’re sleeping in the display bed at his Ikea. 

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Fluff, smut, humour | ikea employee!yoongi

King Cobra : 1/1 ↠ Yoongi, the zodiac snake hybrid, requests an evening with you - and asks dog hybrid Taehyung to join.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader ft. Taehyung | Smut | hybrid au

Comfort Inn Ending : 7/7 ↠ It was you who Jungkook gave his heart to - that is, until the day you broke it. And it is you now, hoping that some faultlines can be repaired, and that some broken hearts can be put back together again.  

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst, smut | infidelity au, idolverse

Author: @kookingtae

The Switch ♡ : 1/1 ↠ You think you’re getting a normal Christmas present from your boyfriend Hoseok, but what he doesn’t tell you is that your gift includes a special power he and the rest of the boys have, enabling them to switch off between one another… during sex.

     → Pairing: Hoseok/Reader ft. OT6 | Smut

True Feelings : 1/1 ↠ You and Jimin have been best friends since before you could remember, but one night could change everything.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, fluff | best friends au, f2l au

Author: @kimvtae *** She no longer writes for this fandom, but please give her works love regardless!

All’s Fair ♡ : 1/1 ↠ They say soul mates get their marks on the same day, and you’ve been dating Taehyung for almost four years now, but it isn’t his name that shows up on your wrist. It’s Jeon Jungkook’s, also known as your least favorite person in the world.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader/Jungkook | Smut | college au, soulmates au

Diamond in the Rough : 2/2 ↠ When a business heir from Busan, Jeon Jungkook, meets you, a poor girl from Daegu, he doesn’t expect to fall as quickly as he does. He’s been told for his entire life to avoid Daegu, a town riddled with gangs and a history of a brutal murder in Busan, but he can’t stay away from you, even when he’s warned that you’re not good enough for him.

      → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst, smut 

Fall for You : 3/3 + 2/2 drabbles ↠ You hate a lot of things about Jeon Jungkook; you hate his arrogance, his repuation, and his pet name for you to name a few. But most of all, you hate how right it feels for you to fall into his arms, and how easy it is to fall for him.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | fuckboi au, college au

Dangerous ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Control is all about trust.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | sub!jungkook

Author: @jimlingss 

The seven kinds of love ♡ : 1/1 ↠ Love - an intense feeling of deep affection.

     → Pairing: OT7/Reader | Fluff, angst

Service Series : 7/7 + 3/3 drabbles ↠ Do you need a service in the area of love? Look below and maybe you’ll find something you’re looking for!

     → Pairing: each member has a chapter | Fluff 

Azure Blue : 2/2 ↠ Fairy au.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Fluff, mild angst

Author: @chiminiemoans ♡

Slight Changes ♡ : 7/? ↠ Taehyung gets caught.

     → Pairing: Taehyung/Reader ft. Jimin | Smut, angst | idolverse, infidelity au

Oblivious : 1/1 ↠ It’s normal for you and Jungkook to bicker all the time, your friends describing your friendship like a cat-dog relationship, but your arguments are only getting worse progressively and you don’t understand why.   

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, light angst | best friends au, f2l au

Employee Perks : 1/1 ↠ Sure, the employee perks at your job were bonuses, life insurance, sick leave, health benefits etc. etc., but the best employee perk of all was working with a man known as Jeon Jungkook.  

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut, angst | retail au

Appetence : 1/1 ↠ Jungkook fulfills one of your fantasies.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Smut | idolverse

Author: @submissive-bangtan ♡

Sloppy Savvy : 1/1 ↠ You dominate JK and Yoongi in a passionate threesome.

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader/Yoongi | Smut | sub!jungkook, sub!yoongi

Trophy Boyfriend ♡ : 1/1 ↠ He’s accomplished. He’s sexy. He is the perfect subordinate. But something about your new secretary seems off. Yoongi wouldn’t be the first spy in your company.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Smut, action | business au, ceo au, e2l au, sub!yoongi

Snowdrop : 1/1 ↠ The first thing you do after moving in together and setting up the bedroom is attending to Valentine’s joys in the sheets.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Smut, fluff | sub!yoongi, domestic au

Boss Witch ♡ : 4/4 ↠ A mighty sorceress turns her apprentice Jimin into a pain-loving baby boy.

     → Pairing: Jimin/Reader | Smut, angst | witch au, sub!jimin

Fuckin’ Wembley : 1/1 ↠ You take care of a pliant, blindfolded Yoongi before BTS’ concert in London.

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Smut | idolverse, sub!yoongi  

Author: @dat-town

Bed warm, hearts cold ♡ : 2/2 ↠ “I wanted darkness… I wanted him.”  

     → Pairing: Yoongi/Reader | Angst | greek mythology au, hades!yoongi

Beautiful & Stupid : 2/2 ↠ Didn’t you know? Beauty can get you cursed.  

     → Pairing: Jungkook/Reader | Angst | percy jackson au

*wipes sweat* whew. this took me 4 days to format sksjd. part 2 and 3 will be out soon! in the meantime, please check these awesome authors out!

[possiblyimbiassed]

What happened to Sherlock? Part VIII - The Sign of the Hetero Norm (1)

Why does Mary Morstan play such a prominent role in BBC Sherlock? 

I’m surely not the only one asking myself this; while she’s barely mentioned in canon after marrying Watson, she’s all over the place from TEH and onwards in Mofftiss’ adaptation. And when I recently read this excellent fic by @discordantwords, a couple of things dawned on me, that I think have been brewing in my mind for quite some time. Which brings me to the long promised continuation of my marathon meta series about what I think we’re actually seeing in this show. Because the entire point of Mary Morstan seems to be to prevent Sherlock and John from getting together in a romantic relationship - a story of hetero norm. This eighth installment will explore the ‘case’ of little Rosie, and the role she and her mother plays in this show. 

This far I’ve published an intro and seven installments, each with corresponding attempts to test my hypotheses:

Introduction - The game is on (explains the method of analysis) Part I - Blog vs TV-show Part II - Re-living memories Part III - Drugs and weirdness Part IV – Heartbreak and coma (1) Part IV – Heartbreak and coma (2) Part V – Bizarre scenarios Part VI - Live and let die (1) Part VI - Live and let die (2)

Part VII - The Importance of Being Earnest (1) 

Part VII - The Importance of Being Earnest (2)

This installment will also be parted in two, and the second half can be found here (X). Many of the screen caps from BBC Sherlock in this meta are from Kissthemgoodbye.net - thanks! And thanks also to Ariane DeVere for the incredibly useful transcripts!

My next hypotheses is, in and off itself, a clear and straightforward prediction that can be explicitly verified or falsified once we finally get to S5, so it will be extra fun to see what happens with it in future: 

Hypothesis #8: John is not the father of Mary’s baby

(Disclaimer: My suspicion here only concerns John’s biological offspring. It would still be possible that John, and perhaps also Sherlock, might father the child - if it exists - by adoption. It does not exclude a metaphorical reading where the baby represents, for example, Sherlock’s and John’s relationship. I also want to stress that this hypothesis is an attempt at logical reasoning based on observations in the show and in ACD canon; it’s not meant to be ‘gossipy’ and has nothing to do with whether I would actually like to see this happen or not - that’s a whole other story. ;) )  

This hypothesis has been brewing in my mind for quite some time now, but I don’t think it’s just a hunch; there are actually a series of reasons that have made me come to this conclusion. 

(Continued under the cut)

But first of all: can we debunk my hypothesis at this stage in the story, by testing it ‘scientifically’? Well, not really, since the show doesn’t provide any reliable evidence that confirms John as Rosie’s biological father. Not even IRL would this have been possible without a DNA-test (or without physical circumstances that would have made any other option impossible). And the only thing that the show tells us about human DNA-tests is that not even this procedure is 100% reliable, as shown in ASIB:

JOHN: You were dead on a slab. It was definitely you. IRENE: DNA-tests are only as good as the records you keep. JOHN: And I bet you know the record-keeper. IRENE: I know what he likes, and I needed to disappear.

DNA is brought up in TGG (Ian Monkford’s blood) and again in TST (the identification of Charlie Wellsborough’s body), but since John’s fatherhood is never questioned in the show, little Rosie is never tested, as far as we know. The remaining evidence that speaks for John being the father is circumstantial: that John and Mary obviously must have been living together at the approximate time of conception. And that they both act as if they’re both Rosie’s parents.

So I guess that in order to get any further with this, I’ll have to start at the other end, analysing the characters and see if I can find evidence that support my hypothesis - on a textual level as well as metaphorically and on the meta level. 

Mary’s function in the story

I think we can safely say that Mary is the most controversial character of BBC Sherlock. Some viewers love her, others hate her, but I can’t recall anyone claiming to feel indifferent towards her. Mofftiss have indeed managed to push forward a character who is hardly even visible in canon, once she’s married to Watson. In BBC Sherlock, however, Mary totally dominates the show from HLV and onwards. Her appearances may have been increasing in numbers and length already from her introduction in TEH. But from the point where John wakes up in HLV, there isn’t a single case where she’s not somehow involved. Up until TFP, everything is about ’Mary’. And even then, once we might have believed we’d got rid of the ghost of this hijacking protagonist, she comes back, only to once again take over the narrative with a weird and basically inexplicable voiceover. She seems like some kind of obsession; a brain ghost stuck on someone’s mind.

This is rather different from ACD canon, where Mary Morstan has extremely few lines as soon as she’s no longer a client, but Watson’s wife. Personally I find it hard to see the lovable aspect of this character in BBC Sherlock, since she constantly shifts appearance, behaviour and motivation; it’s almost impossible to pin down who she actually is. Which makes me convinced that Mary is not meant to be a real, believable character that we can relate to as such - at least not all the time. And maybe that goes for canon as well.

But what then is the purpose of her, what’s Mary’s actual function in the narrative, looking at the subtext? I think there’s basically three of them, and by no means mutually exclusive:

1. Mary is a metaphor for heteronormativity and its power over people when they internalise it

2. Mary is a façade or ‘beard’, where a straight marriage is established to cover up a story of a gay relationship

3. Mary is a mirror for Sherlock; by substituting himself with a female spouse for John, Sherlock can be with John ‘by proxy’, trying to figure out John without having to face his own real problem: reveal his emotions and risk failure.

As soon as Mary firmly puts her foot in the show, it all becomes a spectacle, a demonstration of how to keep up a straight facade at any cost. After TSoT, no-one ever assumes John and Sherlock are a romantic couple; Mary is the ultimate ’proof’ that John is indeed straight. Which is of course illogical, because why would a bi person stop being it because they married someone, no matter of which sex? Mary admits it herself by telling Sherlock that ”neither of us was the first, you know”. And Sherlock complains that John is dancing around Sholto ”like a puppet” even after the wedding ceremony. But in all the episodes after TSoT, John is happily freed from people’s assumptions regarding his sexual orientation. Gone are all the gay jokes, and John Watson is miraculously ‘cured’. 

I think this is perfectly illustrated in the fic by @discordantwords​ that I mentioned above. The plot follows logically on TFP, as things would be if everything we’ve seen from HLV and onwards is actually meant to be ‘true’. Mary is now dead and John lives alone with little Rosie. For a case, in order to get close to the suspects, Sherlock is planning to fake his own wedding with Janine Hawkins, and John is feeling jealous and excluded – especially when he finds out that one of the murders that Sherlock is investigating had involved a wedding of a gay couple:

"Why all of this, then?" he asked. He tipped his head towards the kitchen, where Janine was fiddling with the kettle. "I could have just—wouldn't it have been easier for us to just—?"

"You're not gay," Sherlock said.

"Well," John paused. "No." He cleared his throat, looked back at the wall. "But everyone already thinks we're a couple. Wouldn't be that much of a stretch, really. For a case."

"No one has thought that for quite some time."

This fanfic rings perfectly true to me, considering S4 on the surface level; John and Sherlock appearing as a couple wouldn’t work after John’s own wedding in TSoT. Because gone is now every allusion to John being anything else than straight. Gone is also John’s admiration for Sherlock; from HLV and on, he hardly ever even speaks about Sherlock in a positive way. (Which also makes me wonder: was ‘The Fall’ also about Sherlock feeling he had fallen from John’s pedestal of admiration?). For the rest of the show, it’s only Sherlock whom we see suffering from (presumably) gay pining. It’s only in Sherlock’s Victorian imagination that Moriarty tells them to ’elope’ together, while John in TLD is shown to be exclusively fixed on his dead wife. 

On the surface, Sherlock seems to support John’s relationship with Mary, while I’m sure he is actually suffering deeply. But I think, metaphorically, that Sherlock is acting like some kind of self-sacrificing Christ figure. (Don’t forget Irene’s words from ASiB: “I think you’re damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it’s yourself”). He bears the ‘cross’ of torture by seeing John with someone else, until he can’t stand it any more and trashes himself on drugs. This is what we see at the beginning of TEH, John holding hands with a woman in front of Sherlock’s grave:

Why can’t we see Mary’s face already here? I think it’s because this is from Sherlock’s POV; he’s either seeing or imagining them from behind. She might have a hidden face but a familiar shape because by the time Sherlock is recalling this, he already knows what Mary looks like. But at this point in time, maybe he didn’t? In any case, it must be devastating for Sherlock to see or imagine John with someone else, when he should be there to mourn him, Sherlock. 

Thinking about John with Mary, Sherlock can’t even sleep. He is tortured on a cross and dies for all our ’sins’, doesn’t he? On the meta level Sherlock Holmes sacrifices his life, he extinguishes his true self, in the name of heteronormativity. So that John can have his straight marriage, even if it’s dysfunctional. But our worst ’sin’ as an audience, I believe - our ultimate mistake - is to buy into this narrative without questioning it. That’s literally letting the hetero norm rule.

King David the Adulterer

Mary’s ex-boyfriend David is introduced in TSoT, but after this episode he never shows up again. But this seems very random to me; why is David even there, and why is he depicted as some kind of rival to John? What is his narrative purpose? David is often blurred out in the scenes, but he is definitely present during the whole wedding reception, where his role is to be an usher (showing people their places/seats). David gives the impression to be single, since he attends Mary’s wedding without any partner as company.

Sherlock, who meets David alone at 221B during the wedding planning, deduces that he still seems to have an intimate relationship with Mary. Only recently I discovered this meta from 2014 called The Baby Problem by @abitnotgood​, which brings up pretty much exactly the same suspicions I have had for quite some time now. The main points are the following:

Mary was dating David for 2 of the totally 5 years she had been undercover with the false name Mary.

They’re still close enough friends for David to attend the wedding, which might indicate their breakup was unwanted from one or both parts.

Mary’s reactions during the wedding reception indicates that she still cares for David.

Sherlock finds out that David has “offered to be her shoulder to cry on no less than three occasions.” 

David sits at the same table as most other major characters, which indicates that he’s important.

David doesn’t look particularly happy while toasting for the bride and groom.

To these I could also add that Sherlock gets so suspicious about David that he threatens him with keeping a close eye on his whereabouts with Mary. From a story telling POV, when a character is suspected by the main character who is a genius detective, there should actually be some reason for this - shouldn’t it?

So who is David? Does he appear anywhere in canon? I actually think he does. In ACD’s short story The Crooked Man (CROO), the name David plays a symbolical role. The story is about a (supposed) murder of a middle-aged military officer, colonel James Barclay. It’s a classical Sherlock Holmes mystery with a door locked from the inside and the key missing. The death seems to originate from a domestic quarrel between the colonel and his wife. (Which is particularly interesting considering the Watsons’ ‘domestic’ in HLV). 

Turns out the colonel died of fright when he saw his old rival Henry Wood, whom he had betrayed in the war and deliberately left to be captured by the enemy. Henry was repeatedly tortured and crippled and held prisoner for many years, until he could escape back to London and a coincidence brought his old love interest in his way, who was now married to the colonel. (Hmm... tortured by the enemy. Been away. Love interest married. Does this seem like anyone we know? ;) ). Henry was “the crooked man” of the story, who was bereft of his loved one because of James. 

But the name David was mystically uttered by Colonel Barclay’s wife while quarreling with her husband - why? Holmes claimed it was a biblical reference to the drama of king David, Batsheba and Uriah. King David committed adultery with the beautiful Bathsheba, who was married to his soldier Uriah. Bathsheba got pregnant after sleeping with David, while Uriah was out fighting a war. David tried to cover up that fact by sending Uriah home, but Uriah refused to leave his comrades. Then David betrayed his rival Uriah the same way James betrayed Henry: by deliberately leaving him exposed to the enemy. The only difference was that Uriah died on the battlefield, while Henry was caught and crippled. Which leads us almost inevitably to Captain John Watson - he is a soldier who was crippled by the enemy too, wasn’t he? ;)

What about Rosie?

Although Mary is dominating the show from TEH and forwards, John’s and Mary’s daughter - little Rosie - is subjected to the opposite treatment; she has very little screen time, and we never learn about a single character trait of hers. In ACD canon the Watsons never had a child, as far as I know. And – even in Victorian times – I believe it would have seemed strange with the Doctor spending so much of his free time (besides work) together with Holmes, obviously neglecting his family duties. So since Mofftiss have introduced a totally new ingredient to their adaptation - a time-consuming baby - one would think this has to have a clear purpose, right? I would have expected Rosie to play a part of her own, someone the audience could relate to just like the other characters, if only still a baby. 

But instead, Rosie is seen most of all as an obstacle. Mary is balancing her while discussing a case with Sherlock. Rosie is handed over to John like a sack of potatoes when the family goes on to solve a case with Sherlock; she doesn’t make a sound and we don’t even see her little face. We see John change Rosie’s diaper once (basically to show that he has a toy daisy behind his ear, which is apparently a good flirting device), and then we see Sherlock trying to babysit her at 221B, getting hit in the eye by her toy. We also hear her cry in the background once, and see Molly hold her once. And that’s about it. 

When Sherlock texts them from the London Aquarium at the end of TST, Mary and John debate which of them is going to have to stay with the baby, but finally both of them show up at the Aquarium – without Rosie. And this happens not long after Mary has taken a ‘little trip’ around Eurasia ending up in Morocco and John and Sherlock going after her – little Rosie staying at home. Which means weeks without any of her parents. If S4 were real, I’d feel truly sorry for little Rosie.

In TLD, Rosie is more absent than her dead mother! While Mary haunts the episode, all we hear about the baby is John’s tremendous guilt for neglecting and abandoning her (which he manages to do completely). John does seem to have enough spare time and energy to go on another case with Sherlock, though, in the middle of his therapy session. At the end of TLD, all is supposedly fine again with Rosie (until John gets shot with a tranquiliser), but we never get to see it. But then in TFP John goes on a long journey with Sherlock to a far away island, and not a word about Rosie. She’s not even present when John receives Mary’s DVD at home. At the end she’s suddenly there again, though, without any comment. 

Based on this, it doesn’t seem farfetched to ask if this little character is even supposed to be real. There’s a subtle hint in TLD which could point in this skeptic direction: 

Sherlock: “And, of course, I hadn’t really anticipated that I’d hallucinated meeting his daughter.” “Still a bit troubled by the daughter. Did seem very real, and she gave me information I couldn’t have acquired elsewhere.” 

John: “But she wasn’t ever here?”

An earlier quote from TGG could also question John’s fatherhood: ”Of course he’s not the boy’s father - look at the turnups on his jeans!” (Sherlock while watching telly with John in TGG, right after the fourth ‘pip’).

And - of course - if S4 is all imaginary, only happening in Sherlock’s head, Rosie would probably not even have been born yet. 

There are also some more subtle hints about Rosie’s narrative function: John’s guilt about cheating on Mary in TLD is connected to the baby. John specifically mentions that he was “cheating” on Mary while she was taking care of Rosie: JOHN (to Ghost!Mary): “We texted constantly. You wanna know when? Every time you left the room, that’s when.  When you were feeding our daughter; when you were stopping her from crying – that’s when.” This does make the (otherwise rather exaggerated) texting affair sound a bit more damning for John, doesn’t it? ;)  If this is all taking place inside Sherlock’s head, it might rather reflect one of Sherlock’s (possibly) major excuses to himself for not confessing his true feelings to John; it might (once the baby is born) disrupt a whole family and affect an innocent little child.

John and Mary’s relationship

The other day I took to re-watch this little piece of extra material from S4: statements by Martin Freeman and Amanda Abbington about John’s and Mary’s relationship (X). Every time I see this video I’m just laughing so hard. Please don’t miss how Martin is struggling to keep a straight face without smiling, after claiming “they’ve been through stuff already in S3 that would test any couple.” (Yep. Like the discovery that Mary is actually a contract killer who shot his best friend and hasn’t even revealed her real name to John). Or how Amanda avoids looking at the camera when she’s lying talking about Mary’s feelings towards John, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Great acting! :)

I mean, this cannot even be intended to fool anyone; I think this is meant to signal to the audience that the marriage we’re seeing is a dishonest, superficial construction made up of empty words. It’s very similar to the scene in HLV where Sherlock tells John about his ‘relationship’ with Janine. Platitudes like “we’re in a good place” are not only included, but also called out in the very same dialogue. John: “You got that from a book!”  Sherlock: “Everyone got that from a book!”. In the video clip, overly sweet violin music is playing when Martin and Amanda talk about their characters’ supposed deep love for each other, but this is mixed up with sitcom-like scenes where this love is made very hard to believe in, like Mary about to give birth in the car and roaring to her husband to pull over, or John telling Mary that he simply intends to forget about a recent past where she very nearly murdered his best friend.  

John’s marriage actually seems terrible from start; he can’t even keep himself off Sherlock’s blog comments during his own honeymoon. Which I believe is canon consistent; in ACD’s stories Mary Morstan even encourages Watson to never leave Holmes’ side. And the bad marriage is also confirmed in HLV by Wiggins’ and Sherlock’s deductions about John’s cycling to work and keeping his shirts ‘folded and ready to leave’ at any moment.

But what’s Mary’s position in this? Let’s say, as a mental experiment, that she knows from start about John’s feelings for Sherlock. Why would she want to be together with, and even go on to marry, a man who is obviously in love with someone else? Well, while I don’t buy the facade-climbing Ninja!Mary who tries to kill Sherlock in HLV, she could still be dishonest in her approach to John. She could still be on some sort of mission related to Sherlock, where her role simply is to get in between John and Sherlock, while she actually is together with someone else (and even carrying that someone’s child). Her aim could be to hurt Sherlock as much as possible, for a specific reason. 

As far as I see in TEH, Mary seems suspiciously eager to befriend Sherlock. Instead of behaving like one would expect from someone in love who just got their special moment ruined by a rival; with anger or at least annoyance, and of course supporting the beloved - Mary immediately sides with Sherlock.

And she seems to side with him most of all on an intellectual level, taking part in his explanations of how he managed to fake his death.

“Oh, he would have needed a confidant...”

So - what can we deduce about Mary?

If everything we see in the show after TSoT only has happened inside Sherlock’s head (as I’ve tried to make a case for in this meta series), from this follows logically that in Sherlock’s ‘reality’, there is no Assasin!Mary, no SecretAgent!Mary, no Martyr!Mary and - of course - no Ghost!Mary. Because up until the wedding, Mary seemed to be just an ordinary woman. The character’s appearance from HLV and onwards would all be fabrications of Sherlock’s drug-influenced mind, albeit loaded with a lot of metaphorical meaning from his subconscious. 

But Mary still seems to exist on some level, doesn’t she? She is referred to by John on his blog, talked about by other people on the blog (including Sherlock), and she even makes comments on it on no less than ten occasions. On the blog, John is clear about getting married to Mary. And after Sherlock’s final blog post ‘The Sign of Three’, it also gets obvious that Mary is now pregnant. 

And – most importantly – if S4 is all-fake, this also means that in Sherlock’s ‘reality’, Mary’s drama-loaded death in TST never happened. Mary is still alive! So if Mary is a ‘façade’, a ‘beard’ and/or a mirror for Sherlock on a meta- and sub-textual level, who is she on the textual level? Well, I think there are some clues in the show, and also a lot of subtext material in ACD canon to draw from, which might have been developed into actual story line in the show.  

And this will bring us to the second half of this meta, which you can find here (X).

Tagging some people who might be interested: @raggedyblue​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @sarahthecoat​ @gosherlocked​ @loveismyrevolution​ @sagestreet​​ @tjlcisthenewsexy​​ @elldotsee​​ @88thparallel​​ @devoursjohnlock​​ @sherlock-overflow-error​​ @yeah-oh-shit​

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

Taco Bout Hospital Service || Queenie and Kaden

TIMING: The late night after the mime stabbing incident PARTIES: @drqueenieking and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Queenie babysits Kaden in the hospital. There’s sass. 

Waking up in the hospital sucked. Kaden wasn’t getting used to this and he hoped to god he wasn’t going to, either. “Regan?” he said her name before he turned over to see if she was there. And, when he looked over, there was no one there. Fair enough. There was no reason she should be chained here just because he was, even if he sort of hoped she’d be there. That said, this might be the one time he had the chance to make a break for it. He did a quick look around. Seemed clear enough. He’d have to figure out where his clothes were, he wouldn’t make it far in just this hospital gown, but fuck if he was staying in this place any longer than he had to. Kaden reached over to yank the IVs out of his arm dramatically as fucking possible for the tenth time tonight. And then someone walked into the room. Putain, hopefully it wasn’t a medical professional. His hand shuffled quickly away and he sat up like nothing at all happened. Then his brow furrowed when he realized the woman in the doorway wasn’t at all a doctor. “Uh, can I help you? Who the hell are you?”

Sure, Queenie had missed date night for this. But despite the antagonistic relationship that she shared with Regan, she did consider her a friend. Plus, she knew how proud Regan was. It wouldn’t have been easy for her to ask Queenie to look after this man. Or to admit that she trusted her to keep him safe. Queenie wasn’t sure that she could have admitted it herself. Luckily, her husband had understood the situation. Queenie hadn’t had time to stop home before grabbing her stuff, so unfortunately she had come into the hospital in her jeans, converse and a hot sauce taco bell shirt that had “I may be hot, but he’s fire” written on it. She got more than a few odd looks as she rushed through the hospital to grab a lab coat and check on Kaden. Once she took a look at him and determined that he wasn’t going to bleed out, she had left him unconscious in the room for a few hours while she went to grab food from the cafeteria and call her husband. She lost the lab coat somewhere in this process, and walked back in with perfect timing. Just as Regan had warned, the man didn’t like hospitals. He perked up when she walked in, but it wasn’t hard to tell that he had been fiddling with the tubes sticking out of his arms. “You can help me by not messing with your Iv’s” She glared at him, closing the door behind her and making her way over to the counter. “I’m your doctor. Well, unofficially I’m your doctor. Trust me, you’re better off with me. My name’s Dr. Lin-King. Considering my attire, you can call me Queenie” She pulled some gloves free and pulled them on. “How are you feeling?”

Was this lady in a fucking orange t-shirt and jeans seriously trying to tell him that she was his doctor? “Unofficially? What the fuck does that mean?” Kaden asked. He was tempted to hit the nurse call button bullshit to see what was going on but the last thing he wanted was to have two medical professionals in his room. Or three, who knew. When she turned around and headed to the counter, that’s when he finally saw it. “I’m sorry, does that shirt say what I think it does? Are you actually a doctor, what the hell is going on here?” Oh great, and now she was putting on gloves. His eyes grew wide as his mind raced through what the fuck she planne on doing. Putain, he just wanted to get up and leave right then. Bolt. He could take her. Hell, he probably killed a guy earlier that night. This would be nothing. Even with the stab wounds and blood loss “I feel like I got stabbed, doc. But I’m fine. All sewed up, ready to be anywhere but here.”

Queenie sighed, Regan had given her a forewarning but hadn’t mentioned just how bad Kaden’s attitude would be. He was a real charmer, just like Regan. She understood why the two were so important to each other. “It means that Regan asked me to keep an eye on you.” She answered nonchalantly. Speaking of their mutual friend, she could only imagine how horrified Regan would be to know that Queenie was working without the proper dress attire. “Depends on if you can read or not, but I hope we’re reading the same thing.” She came over to Kaden’s bed and checked the screen for any changes in vitals. She ignored the clipboard, she had spent enough time staring at the thing and memorizing everything earlier in the night while Kaden was still passed out. “Sit still, you’re knocking your IV’s loose.” She warned him, grabbing at his arm to make sure that nothing had fallen out during his failed escape attempt. “Of course I’m a real doctor. Regan interrupted my date night.  She’ll be back, by the way. She just needed to take care of a few things. She was very adamant that you are taken care of. And that you listen to whatever I say.” He definitely wasn’t going to make this easy, was he? “Stating the obvious doesn’t help me. Try a scale. Pain, 1-10.”

So this was Regan’s doing. Suddenly it made a lot more sense. Kaden wasn’t any less annoyed, however. His mouth spread in a thin line across his face as he held out his arm for her while she poked and prodded. Every part of him wanted to yank his arm away from her. But he also wanted her to leave already and Regan was right that cooperating was the easiest way to do that. He really hated that. “Yeah well I’d feel bad but a mime with a knife interrupted mine. Wait, that’s what you wore to date night?” He grumbled as she made sure all the needles and whatnots were back in place and not going anywhere. “Did she say when she’d be back?” Fucking soon, he hoped. He sighed. Seemed he was stuck with this Queenie for the moment. Great. “A one. Can I leave now?” Her face said no pretty clear as day. “Fine. Six. Maybe 7. But I have a high pain tolerance. Animal control. I’ve survived worse than this. Do I really need to be here for days?”

“A mime with a knife? I knew they couldn’t be trusted. What a wasted career path.” Perhaps Queenie would be driven to madness and have stabbed somebody too, if she had become a mime. Though obviously Queenie never would have never chosen to become a mime. “Never mind my attire. I’m not the one in the hospital bed.” So it had been a date? Queenie had some theories, considering Regan’s state of mind when they met up at the hospital. “No, but I assume it will be soon. She didn’t want to leave you alone for too long.” She didn’t bother gracing Kaden with a response. Clearly he was lying. She didn’t care how badass he thought he was. Bumping into a wall was a one, stab wounds were at minimum a five. “You can leave as soon as you’re healed up. However long that takes.” She did feel bad for the man. Being stabbed could not have been fun. And being stabbed by a mime just added insult to the injury. “We stitched you back up when they brought you in last night. You had some internal bleeding, but with some rest and these IV’s you’ll be good as new. Maybe a couple new scars. I need to check the wounds, sit still for me.” She made ready to peel it back the bandages to get a better look, but she wasn’t going to waste her time alone with Kaden without some questions. “How long have you and Regan been seeing each other?”

Kaden was oddly relieved to hear her distaste of mimes. At least they could agree on one thing. He was less thrilled about her attitude at the moment. It seemed like Regan had the better bedside manner, who knew. Still, didn’t like her answer to how long he was stuck there. However long that takes. Well, shit. That was going to be less than they anticipated. Kaden wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “Well hopefully it doesn’t take long,” he grumbled. Kaden already wanted to squirm away from her as she went to look at his wounds; her questions only made it worse. He could run, right? Just roll right off of the bed and bolt out of this place. That’d be fine. It could work. No one would stop him. “Depends.” He sighed and lay still as he could fucking manage while she checked his wounds. He might as well cooperate. Not like he was going anywhere anytime soon. And he had a feeling she was the type to demand answers eventually. Might as well get it over with. “A few months. Why are you asking? How do you know her anyway?”

“Technically by law I’m not allowed to hold you here. We could be charged with false imprisonment.” Queenie felt obligated to tell the man, whose mumbling and grumbling certainly made Queenie wish that he would refuse their services and stumble out of the hospital so she could get home and go to sleep. But she really didn’t need him bleeding out and Regan holding that against her. “But we’d both have to put up with Regan then. So pick your battles.” Not to mention Queenie wasn't especially good at following the rules anyways. “I can see why the two of you get along. You’re both stubborn as hell.” She rolled her eyes, peeling back the first bandage to get a better look. No sign of infection, which was a plus. But more than that, the wound looked surprisingly good for being less than a day old. It was still there, but the length of it had shortened, as if some of it had already begun healing. A puzzled look on her face, Queenie pushed at the some of the areas around the wound, “Do you feel any pain when I do this?” When she was done with the first, she swapped the bandage out for a clean one and moved onto the next stab wound. Same thing there as well. “Either I must be better at this than even I thought, or you have an extraordinary amount of red blood cells. This wound is healing surprisingly fast.” She explained absentmindedly, rebandaging the second wound and pulling her gloves off of her hands and discarding them in the trash. “We went to med school together. Haven’t had a lot of contact until I moved to Maine a few weeks ago, so I’m very curious about her life now. You’re an animal control officer? Does that mean you partner with the police department?” If so, very curious that Regan would find herself in a relationship with what could be construed as a coworker.

“Point made.” Kaden was sure even if he left, Regan would drag him back kicking and screaming. He didn’t know how, but he trusted she’d find a way. His heartbeat picked up as she looked at the first wound. This might have been the first time he wished that he didn’t heal quite so fast. Maybe she wouldn’t notice. Merde. The look on her face said otherwise. She definitely noticed alright. Kaden winced at her touch, but it honestly wasn’t that bad. He tried to exaggerate it a bit. “Oh, yeah, it hurts, alright. I just got stabbed in the chest.” He fixed his gaze to the speckled shitty ceiling tiles as she moved on to the next one. He knew it wasn’t going to be any better. Fuck. This is exactly why he hated hospitals. Shit like this. Having to explain it and hoping no one noticed. “Red blood cells, yeah. Must be that. Guess that means I’ll be out of here sooner than you think. Can’t wait.” Thank god she was covering them back up, he didn’t need her prolonging this any longer. If only that meant she’d leave and stop asking him fucking questions. “Med school, huh? You know you could just ask her instead of grilling your patient.” He had to wonder how the two of them got along back in the day. Something about the way Queenie worked seemed diametrically opposed to how seriously Regan took every little rule.  “I am, yeah. Technically have a badge and everything. So yeah, I partner with them but I’m not exactly knee deep in murder investigations or shit like that. Mostly it’s just a lot of actual shit.”

A promise was a promise. From the looks of it, Kaden was going to be just fine, but Queenie wasn’t going to leave his side until Regan was back. Hopefully that was sooner rather than later. Kaden clearly didn’t want Queenie there any more than she wanted to be there herself. But she wasn’t exactly mad at the opportunity to question someone so personal to Regan. Regan had always been so stoic, she wondered if that translated into her romantic life as well. Kaden seemed very shocked that his wounds had started healing so quickly, but perhaps the relief at the idea of getting out of the hospital was enough that Kaden didn’t actually care. Still, it was peculiar. But Queenie was just here to make sure that Kaden survived and left the hospital, the rest didn’t matter as much to her. “Well, I’m sure you know how Regan can be. It’s much easier to pry this information from a friend that has nowhere else to go right now.” Queenie grabbed the chair from the other side of the room and dragged it over closer to Kaden’s bed. She still kept her distance, they weren’t friends or anything, but she figured since the two were stuck they may as well talk. “Fascinating. A couple of people asked Regan out back in school. She never wanted to mix business with pleasure.” She reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a stack of magazines, flipping through them until she found one that interested her and she fell back into the chair, haphazardly glancing at the pictures as she flipped through. It was peculiar. He must have been someone special for her to break her own rule. “So what’d you do to piss that mime off?”

“Right. Pretty sure I’m a little more than a friend but sure. I do. Still trying to figure out why you care.” Kaden sort of wondered if he should really be telling this woman all this about Regan. Then again, she had asked her to watch him. She must trust her well enough, right. “What kind of friends were in school anyway? Didn’t even keep contact?” Part of him wanted to ask more about what she’d been like in school, find out how much had changed since then. He figured he’d have to play along a bit longer til he got to ask the fucking questions. If he could last that long talking to the doctor. “Good to know that’s a long standing thing with her.” Was she fucking settling in? Shit. Regan really had put her on babysitting duty. And she had magazines? For fuck’s sake. He was finding it harder and harder to believe the two of them had ever been close. Still, had to admit he was a little jealous she had something to occupy herself with. He’d take anything at this point. A coin to flip, paper clip to bend, rubber band to fucking snap, anything he could do with his hands beyond fiddle with the edge of a sheet. Or contemplate trying one more time for the IV. Sitting still with nothing to do was going to fucking kill him soonere than any stab wounds. He turned and shot her a look while she continued to flip through her magazine. “I’m sorry am I fucking boring you?” He sighed and went back to counting dots on the ceiling tiles. “And yeah, trust me, she told me all about how she doesn’t make friends at work. Let alone date colleagues. She’s also said she doesn’t consider our jobs to have enough overlap for her to worry too much. Considering I don’t normally deal with human death and cant’ even make arrests, she’s probably right,” he said with a small shrug. He wasn’t sure how much of that he really believed but at the same time, it was hard for him to think he was some sort of exception. There was no way Regan would break her self imposed rules for the likes of him, right? He turned back to Queenie at her question, eyes narrowed and face scrunched in incredulous confusion. “Putain, really?” He groaned. “I did not piss off a mime, he barged in the restaurant and attacked me out of nowhere. The hell kind of doctor are you anyway? Asking shit like that.”

More than a friend? This was even better than Queenie had imagined. To think, Regan had neglected to mention this when the two were reconnecting. She would just have to ask her about this Kaden fellow. Maybe invite them over for a double date night. After Kaden was released, obviously. Though she wasn’t sure how well her husband would fare against Regan and Kaden. Regan didn’t have much of a funny bone in her body, and Kaden didn’t seem particularly chipper. And that was coming from Queenie, who had often been described as a mixture of both of those same qualities. “Yes, well the two of us were more focused on the educational aspects of Med School. We wanted to be the best. In a way, that kept us from making a lot of friends. And also made us… unique friends ourselves.” Any of their classmates may have assumed that the two hated each other or at the very least competed with each other for top spot. That was true, but throughout that they also developed a sort of kinship. Queenie was flipping through her magazine when Kaden asked if he was boring her. “Well you certainly aren’t the friendliest conversation. But I’m multitasking.” She shrugged, reaching over to hold up the stack of magazines, “You want one too?” He probably was going a little stir crazy in the bed, though considering the look of the wounds he would probably be here for another day or two max. All things considered, for two stab wounds to the chest that was a short trip. “Right, of course.” Queenie didn’t believe it and she didn’t think Kaden did either. But Regan was fantastic at rationalizing things to herself. Of course she would find a workaround in her own logic to date Kaden. “Hey, I’m here off duty. Usually I couldn’t care what brought someone into the hospital unless it pertains to the operation. We’re stuck here until Regan gets back, figured I’d ask some questions. We can sit here in complete silence if you’d rather have it that way.”

“Guess that doesn’t surprise me. With how seriously she takes work and all,” Kaden responded. He was still curious what kind of friends that made the two women if they were always competing against each other for the top spot. “I’d ask who ended up being the best in your class, you or her, but I have a feeling you’re not going to give me the unbiased take.” Not that it mattered much to him either way, he just wanted to see what kind of response he’d get; what else he could dig out of her. He still didn’t like how quickly she'd settled in over there; “Yeah well Regan asked you to be here, not me." He raised a brow as she handed him a stack of random magazines. He didn’t really want to read a single one but he was desperate. "Fine," he said as he reached out and took one off the stack and started rolling it into a tube in his hands. Less reading material, more fidget device at the moment. It felt better already just having something to do with his hands. Didn't do a whole lot to lessen how much he wanted to get up and run out of there, but it was something at least. “Again, I didn’t ask for a babysitter.” He sighed and the room was quiet for a moment, nothing but the hum of the fluorescent lights and the occasional drip from the bag of fluids. She may have had a point. “Fine. Anything else you want to you know?”

Queenie nodded in agreement. Of the two, Regan would most likely win that battle. Both took their jobs seriously, but Queenie had always been more open to more rule bending than Regan was. In that sense, Regan was about as serious as they came. “That doesn’t matter.” Queenie shot a look over at Kaden. At the end of the day, how the two fared in med school didn’t matter at all. Because neither of them had ended up at the top. Dr. Chonksky had swooped in under their noses and stolen that from the two of them. And look how she had ended up. What a wasted career. “Another doctor ended up at the top of the class. Shame what happened to her.” She shook her head and flipped another page in her magazine. Kaden messing with the pages of the magazine was slightly irritating, but Queenie relented. Queenie didn’t reply to Kaden, just sat in silence for a while until he finally spoke again, a knowing smirk crossing her face. Just as she had figured. “I’ve covered my bases. I won’t hound you too much for information. I’ll leave some of my interrogating for Regan herself. You got anything for me? It’s only fair.”

Kaden’s brows furrowed. “Uh, what happened to her?” Not that he sincerely cared but the way she said it, it was hard not to be even a little bit curious. He drummed his fingers on the magazine before flipping through to see if there was anything remotely worth looking at. Couldn't say he was impressed. He turned to her at her question. “I mean, you covered a lot.” He paused to think if there was anything more he wanted to know. Then he caught a flash of orange. “That’s right. I need to know. You really went out in public in that shirt?”

Queenie shook her head at Kaden’s question, deeply sighing before answering him. “She became a plastic surgeon.” There was a hint of disgust and disappointment in her voice. Perhaps her tone had made him believe she had died or something. But some things were worse than dead. Queenie was still bitter that she had wasted all of her talent to become a plastic surgeon. What a tragedy. “I’m thorough” Queenie grinned, proud of herself. She had to admit that Regan fascinated her. Though it seemed that much had stayed the same with her, so much had changed as well. Of course, that was to be expected with anyone over time. But Regan had always seemed so opposed to change that Queenie honestly thought the woman might never age through sheer stubbornness. “Of course I did” Queenie glanced down at her shirt, wondering what could be wrong with it. “Oh, you must be confused because there’s no fire, like the joke implies. My husband was wearing the fire shirt. Make more sense?”

Kaden’s face scrunched up and his eyes narrowed. Plastic surgery? Was… was that supposed to mean something? “Oh. Yeah. Of course. Plastic surgery. What a failure.” At least it was nice to learn that all doctors were weird and intense and not just Regan. He wasn’t sure if that was comforting or not. Or that he really needed two people like that in his life. Granted, at the moment, it seemed like he didn’t have a choice, Just when he thought he couldn't be more confused, she explained the shirt. Well, she tried to explain it at least. His head tilted as he looked over her outfit again. “Yeah I got that much. More confused why you both wore matching shirts in the first place. Is that a thing? That you do?” Oh god, did couples do that? That sounded awful. Maybe a death curse was preferable to that. Mimes, maybe not.

Queenie nodded as if this was completely common knowledge, “I’m glad you agree with me. No wonder Regan likes you.” There were a lot of reasons that Queenie could see the two together. Ironically, there were also a lot of reasons why she was still seemingly unable to shove the two of their puzzle pieces together. She was still having a hard time processing the professional and personal mixing of the two. Definitely something worth discussing with Regan at a later date. Once her boyfriend was out of the hospital. “How are others supposed to know that we’re w- a couple if we aren’t wearing matching shirts?” She had almost said winning but changed her mind at the last moment. She needed to calm herself down, she didn’t actually know this man. “Every date night we usually wear something coordinated. It’s like our thing.” She added as if this was the most common thing in the world. “Okay, fine. Admittedly I thought it was a bit weird at first too. But after a while it really starts to grow on you. Just wait until the four of us go on a double date and we all wear Taco Bell shirts. You and Regan can be mild.”

[iamkatehardy]

You Rock My World (Tom Hardy x Reader) - Pt 1

Requests: @jenavecia : Yay!! Would you be willing to write about Tom and a insanely talented and famous rock star? Would love for her to be a bit temperamental with those around her and for him to know how to handle her. Smut and fluff are highly favored 😊 , @thisisjeany: Smut with Tom Hardy himself please. Nr 106 🖤,  Anon : "Lets Ruin The Friendship" with Tom Hardy please , Anon: Could you do one where Tom dates a singer/actress? Like doing press with her or red carpets or even like going to one of her concerts. I think that would be cute 😭 thank you!

Warnings:  Cursing

A/N: This is just a taste of what’s about to come! But I really wanted to share it, although it’s not long! Fluff and Smut will come soon! (Already working on it!)

 You Rock My World

The meaning of time off had been long forgotten by you. Since your band became worldwide famous and your songs became ubiquitous on the radios everywhere, awakening an almost unparalleled fever, you had been working fairly nonstop hit after hit, album after album, tour after tour. Despite being considered young in comparison to the biggest rockstars in the game, you had already earned every award possible during your career, but you felt like your potential didn’t stop there. You were one of the most magnetic, enigmatic, charismatic artists on stage, that was for sure, but you were also moved by an unmatchable passion for creation, which made you a damn genius composing, writing and producing.  When a proposal had been made for composing a movie soundtrack, you didn’t even blink; there was a special place in your award shelf, waiting to be filled with an Oscar and you thought it was the perfect opportunity to go for it.

It had been a long time since you last visited London. Although you had a house and a studio there, you rarely stayed in the same place more than a week, because of work. It was good to be back. You had studied and lived there for several years; even just the lights and the smell of the city brought memories of happy times. Your return hadn’t been planned all along, though; it had been just the result of the annoyance that the dozen unanswered mails and calls to the film director caused. Patience is not inexhaustible, especially when we are talking about temperamental rockstars.

When the director saw an Aston Martin V12 with tinted windows, in accordance with your extravagant taste, he remembered the emails and calls he entirely ignored in the previous weeks and imagined the hell would break lose, as soon as you stepped in the filming sites.

With a rather neutral expression on your face, you got out of the car, walking slowly to the studio.  Taking a deep breath, you dumped all your stuff on the table of the common room, before you placed the hands on your hips. At one point you saw an assistant and snapped your fingers a couple times to get her attention.

“I need to see the director.”

“He’s busy right now, but I’ll give him the message, miss.”

“Busy. Right.” – You paused, your brows furrowing, as you scratched the back of your head. – “I’m going to sit right there.” -  With a stiff gesture, you pointed to the sofa. – “If he doesn’t see me in five minutes, then the message you’ll give him is that he needs someone new to make the soundtracks, from scratch, because I’ll be taking the ones I’ve finished so far.”

The assistant swallowed hard and nodded, before disappearing in the hall.

With a sigh, you spread yourself across the sofa, taking your leather jacket off and displaying parts of your heavily tattooed body, earning you side looks from some of the people passing by. Your eyes followed every person who shot you a nasty look, glaring fiercely at each one of them.

The director finally joined you; the big cynical smile on his face made you want to break his teeth, even more than you did before.

“(Y/N), what a pleasure!”

“Oh, I bet it is…” – You took your time to get up and come closer. – “Listen,  I’m not a sybaritic, reckless , party animal, contrary to popular belief. Stop treating me as if I was a fucking careless junkie or something like that, because I’m not.  I had to move heaven and earth, to make time to work on this, so please, respect my time, my work and all the years of preparation I had on the Royal Academy; I’m not fucking around. The prejudice against people of my musical genre is too deeply rooted in those small minds… I know it’s easier to devalue me because of what I look like and your misconceptions of people like me than acknowledging the value of my work and the person I really am, but please, if we’re working together, at least try.”

After endless  hours of recording, Tom took a break, using the common room to sit and rest a little bit. He wasn’t sure of what going on, but he loved to witness the director, who had been making his life a hell from the very beginning, being kicked in the ass by you.

“(Y/N), it’s not like that…”

“Don’t try and pull the wool over my eyes. From this moment forth, I’ll be working here. Or in my studio, but in London, so you can’t ignore me anymore.” – You gathered up a massive pile of papers you had put on the table and gave it to him. – “Anyway, here are the sheets I have so far. Just let me know what you think, once you take a look at them”

The look of complete discomfort on his face was priceless; he obviously was no idea how to work with sheets, but he was also too proud to ask for the recordings and you were too annoyed to give them to him without hearing him politely asking. With another cynical smile, he left to his office.

“Fucking arrogant prick.” –Cursing under your breath, you grabbed the rest of your stuff from the table.

“Yeah, he is.” – Tom involuntarily answered, rubbing his face with his palms.

“So, it’s not just me? Thank you!” – You came closer, mockingly shaking his hand.

“I’m Tom, by the way.” – He gave you a warm smile and you could feel your own lips slightly quirking upwards in response.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” – Rolling your eyes, you chuckled. – “I know who you are, ok? But in case it’s not mutual, I’m (Y/N), nice to meet you. I’ve got work to do and I suppose you do too, so we don’t have time for further introductions right now, but you can always Google me, if you’re interested.” – You shrugged, giving him a teasing wink.

His mouth was slightly agape and his tongue moved slowly over his lips, dazed by your sassiness and beauty. Suddenly he got dizzy and tried to steady himself by grabbing the arm of the couch, taking a deep breath and looking at it as if it was a mile away; he was white as sheet and his trembling hands tried to clean the small beads of sweat that trickled down his temple.

“Are you ok?” – Squatting in front of him, you looked up into his face and he just nodded weakly in response. You rose and got him a glass of water with some sugar, then squatted in front of him again. – “Take this, drink slowly.”

Unable to say a word, he just looked at you with his big glistening eyes. He didn’t really want to show weakness, but he was unable to control his body at that moment; his shaking hands took the glass and he drank slowly.

“Maybe it’s your body saying you need some rest, it happens to me whenever I work too much.” – You sat before him, on the floor, rubbing his knee reassuringly and giving him a faint smile.

After he finished the water, you put the glass aside and took his hands, rubbing tiny circles with your thumb.

“Now… Exhale deeply.” – You exhaled completely, making a big whoosh sound with your mouth.

He shook his head with a few soft chuckles escaping his throat.

“I’m fucking serious; it will make you feel better!” – You never giggled, but this time you giggled to yourself, at the silly, sweet sound of his chuckles.

“Ok, ok, boss!” – Following your instructions, he exhaled loudly.

“Inhale through your nose, slowly, while counting until four.” – Rubbing his hands, you observed him tenderly. – “Great, now, hold your breath, counting until seven and then exhale as you count until eight.”

“This does feel good, actually.” – Hoping it would get rid of the strangling stress, he kept breathing slowly, in and out.

“Are you feeling better now?” – Tilting your head, you gazed into his face and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.

“Yes.” – Before he opened his eyes, he took another long deep breath, squeezing your hands on his. – “Thank you.” – He nodded and blinked slowly.

“Do you want me to take you home?” – You got up, still holding hands with him.

“No, I don’t want to bother you any longer.” – He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb on your knuckles, giving you a broad smile. – “I’ll get a ride from one of these guys, if I don’t feel well enough to drive.”

“Is it because I like speeding? I promise I’ll behave myself, Mr. Hardy!” – You tried to keep a solemn face, but you couldn’t suppress the laughter for much longer.

“Actually, I like speeding too. I’m a little crazy, underneath this.” – He pulled a face and made a hush sign, with his finger over his delectable lips. – “I just don’t want to delay you.”

“Suit yourself.” - You raised your arms in the air in defeat and then gave him a business card, with a number written on the behind – “If you need anything…”

“What a subtle way to give me your phone number.” – He smirked.

“Subtle? I don’t even know what that means, Tom. I think it was quite straightforward.” – Smirking back, you shrugged and turned on your heel, allowing your hair to flow freely as you left the room.

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