#and I can never experience anything close to this again with fictional characters

[theaxolotlkween]

Okay. So. I had to process this information. I think I'm still processing it a bit, not as much as I was initially, but like. Fucking hell.

So first I feel like I need to start with the obvious. I know that this is fiction. When I describe the experiences and stuff as if it is real, I am aware that this is fiction. That this never actually happened. But it's more in the spirit of the fact that, by participating in the story, you kind of become a character. So I guess I'm writing it from a "character" perspective, but also from a third person perspective a bit as well? I also might not entirely understand what exactly this is saying, I have been having some neurological issues lately. Also spoilers for The Social Experiments, obviously. Anyway, here we go.

I've been wanting to talk about the experience of having participated in The Social Experiments for quite some time now. It's been hard to put into words because I don't exactly remember them, but I remember mostly how I felt at the time. I don't know exactly if I can explain it, either—I've never exactly been the best at quantifying my feelings and my memory's gotten a bit screwy since then, so bear with me here. But so far I've not forgotten the feelings I felt, especially if I rewatch the actual VODs. I remember being a bit confused at first at the comedy aspect of it. It can be difficult to remember that there was a time before TSE, that there was a time before we knew exactly how things worked, what exactly the story was, not knowing about the Founder or the Hetch, all of that, back when the Lostfield Incident was being teased and talked about and theorised on, all that. But there was. I remember some emotional ups and downs at first, loving the comedy, Christian Hell is still one of my favourite jokes, frustration at that one tube puzzle in episode two (did it break? I think it broke), and then there was that gut punch of a finale. I don't remember if this is how it actually went, because unfortunately I can't find any chat messages from myself in the VOD, I think I was just too shocked to process it and type anything. Again, I am not the greatest at expressing feelings. But this is what I remember happening:

I remember feeling shocked, maybe a bit betrayed. We did everything right, didn't we? The Hero found the button! They should've exited! Why was this happening? Did we do something wrong?

I remember the choices. Live or Die. Well, obviously the choice is Live, right? We've been trying to save the Hero all this time, surely we're meant to pick Live? But... Die is there. Why is there Die? The chat exploded with a way to save the Hero; get it 50/50. Break the game, try to take control, to do something! Of course, no one knew at the time how accurate the vote was. No one knew at the time that there could never be a true 50/50. There was not a secret third option, no way that we could save him, nothing we could choose other than Live or Die.

I remember thinking, even in my blind hope that there was something we could do, wait, this doesn't make sense. What would us getting the vote to 50/50 even do? Was that even a real option? It didn't make sense. And then the Hetch dropped the bomb. There was no saving them. Not really. Not in the way we wanted to. The Hero could Live, forced for eternity to be put into these experiments, these stories. Bound to a fate of life eternal in this endless (not Christian) hell. Or, at least, until he no longer had a use. Or, we could kill them. We could end this. But he would Die. There wasn't an escape from this.

I don't remember if I initially picked Live. I don't think I did, but I can't remember. I just remember that, in the end, I picked Die. I know I did. The box slammed shut. The curtains closed. The mousetrap went off. And this time there wasn't a piece missing.

And that's how I learned that I was capable of killing someone if it came down to it. Great lesson to take away from all this, definitely information to learn about oneself, thank you RanbooLive! Or, I guess canonically, the Founder? The Hetch??? Idk. Either one of them, I suppose. It was a bit of a team effort kind of? Not really? Anyway...

I tend to joke a lot about TSE as "that one time I killed someone live on Twitch", and the tape of The Founder's Cut I bought is "the home video of that one time I killed someone live on Twitch" because, honestly, yeah. It's a pretty fun and silly thing to say. But at that point in that story, fully immersed, I felt bad. I didn't necessarily want to kill the Hero, who had been through so much. In character, I wanted this character to know that I didn't blame him for the part he played, that I didn't think they were a monster, et cetera, et cetera. Of course, when TFC came out, the ending hurt even more. If being there was a gut punch, then TFC removed my rib cage and its associated organs with that swing.

That, I think, brings us to now. All this information. I have been focusing mostly on the Hero in having to process this, because even though if you think about TFG, the Audience is responsible for all the deaths just by watching, but the Hero's death is the only one I feel culpable for. All the other information here is sickening as well. From the perspective of someone that is observing the story as an observer and one of whom's special interests is storytelling and being a sucker for those involving the nature of choice, I love this. I love how sickening this is.

However, from the point of view of someone who was there, someone who tried to save this person in the only way he knew how, from the point of view of my, well, character, I guess, it made me ill. It made me a little angry. I might be reading this wrong, because yeah, I might be reading thing wrong, anyone is capable of doing so, but to me the implication is that the Hero's corpse is still being used. Maybe I'm confusing the concept of "every time you watch TSE the story happens again" with the concept of "the Hero's corpse is now being puppeted in other shows and stuff too", because that's a thing that could be going on. But it got me thinking, did my choices actually matter? Did I really make the right choice? Can there be a right choice if you don't have all the information? If you don't know what all the consequences will be? There was never any way to save the Hero, though. Not really. Their brain was full of wires, and his mask was sewn onto his face. There really wasn't an escape for them. There never was. Was it still the right choice, then, if his corpse is still being used, Frank-style? At least they aren't alive for it, right?

My actual self, the one obsessed with stories and how they work and are told and the philosophy of choice, is, of course, eating this all up. My "character" self, the one part of the Audience and involved in GenLoss, is, of course, disgusted and maybe even angry. But that's the beauty of Generation Loss, isn't it? You get to be a character, an active participant in a story, one of many, and you get to be here, too. Maybe the reason it's hard to explain my feelings about Generation Loss because it's not really something I've experienced before. Active involvement in a story that hits all the right beats for me. Not just reading or watching, but doing. Participating.

So, thanks for that story two years ago that completely changed my brain chemistry and that I wrote this long-ass post about. I can't wait to see what's in store in Gen 0, and the rest of the story. I have a lot of other thoughts about Generation Loss that I could infodump about, thoughts that I can only say, "hey, someone should make a video essay about that" about it's me, I'm the someone that should make a video essay about that

Also we know that the symbol is called the hetch now so that's cool.

Now, here's a couple GenLoss drawings I did awhile back because I like these a lot and didn't have the time/energy/cognitive function to draw anything new as a reward for sticking to the end of this insufferably long post:

Happy Anniversary

[lil-dormouse]

He's not just Sol – he's a freaking Solar storm! All of my wips are on hiatus, and I can barely make it through my daily routine, but I'm still enjoying it, even with the prospect of the emotional disaster of losing this incredible character next week (I hate saying it and hope I turn out to be wrong)

[cirqosmos]

yandere simulator; xo (only if you say yes). yjw

interactive roleplaying game: where instead of a yandere winning over your heart, you win theirs. by getting them to say 'yes', only then you will unlock the key to their heart where psychotic love resides.

currently playing. . . xo (only if you say yes)

warning: yandere, slight profanity, some grammar errors (i'm doing my best to study it >_<)

runtime: 3k.

director's cut, — jungwon boo u never fail to prove me that you're legit my muse in writing </3 this is just a fun fun interactive yandere game i randomly thought of, whatever you choose (majority of the votes) decides what happens to you with yandere jungwon :3

character visual: jw

"i'm sorry, but no. you're just not my type—"

you slammed yourself your face on your pillow, burying it so tight it sent you to heaven itself. however you'd rather die this way than pressing the 'continue' button to read the yandere's next words for his darling—which is you.

but you're not even his darling yet, much less being his close friend. maybe just a friend from school?

yeah, definitely.

well, as a twenty-nine years old office lady with her average monotonous schedule with the same routine over and over again for the past eight years, nearing her thirties yet never being able to find a qualified partner that fits her overly high standards—you're left with a game titled 'xo (only if you say yes) you've found somehow on the devil's hours; a game that was immensely difficult to pass, where you would do your best to win over a yandere's heart.

the game's description was too daring, almost too challenging, you are afraid to admit.

"wanna have your sweet affectionate yandere fawning all over you? no worries! however, as the old sayings goes; without efforts, you may never achieve anything—nothing is free in this world. therefore, why don't you sweat a little, get upset a little, cry a little, break a little—like your beloved yandere would once they fall for you? do your very best to get them to say yes to your love confession just once, and all of them—they will give to you.

blood, sweat, and tears; all of them shall be yours as long as you can make them say yes."

© 2024. all rights reserved xo, (only if you say yes)

and now you found yourself on the final level spending atleast, or disappointingly a huge sum of bucks on the game with currency of gems just to speed up the process, with your eyes bearing a newfound dark eyebags as an extra package of consequences.

you swore by your life and on god himself that you're only playing this for fun out of pure boredom and insomnia, however as you thumb through the game's introduction of yandere as it's dominant themes paired with a comprehensive summary of them; you questioned yourself with sheer shock as to why you've never find an ounce of existence about yanderes for the past eighteen years of your life despite being chronically online.

since yanderes are the exact definition of your overly high standards for men, ever since. no wonder you've never found a men like this before, turns out they only exists in fiction—you scoffed at yourself, filled with disbelief as you roll your eyes.

but! who cares if they don't exist in real life? they're now on the tips of your finger, waiting earnestly and eagerly for your love. a giggle so obnoxious escapes your lips, you feel like you are once a schoolgirl again, but without the experiences of one, actually.

but again who cares!

the game flashes a new pop-up, telling you the next step—choose your yandere character to play with. it shows you a list of seven yanderes illustrated on their respective cards, clad in coquettish-sort-of highschool uniforms; pink ties, beige vest over a dark blue shirt and pants paired with their set of flirty gestures as your thumb glided through each character—reading their descriptions; interests & dislikes, hobbies & talents, a little trivia about them, and of course—their strengths and weaknesses.

surprisingly, they had a range of informations so complete it felt like they were real humans. the developers did quite a spectacular job on it, don't they? and even the fact of how their weaknesses remains the same although with differences in how they would act on it or how far they would go; obsession, possession, and damn psychotic—willing to kill for you.

how romantic. . . in a psychotic way, of course. you hummed unconsciously, letting out a sigh after at the disappointing fact of how you still find it strangely attractive in your late twenties.

are you really that of a single pringle? pfft!

as you giddily spend your time trying to choose one of all characters. they're just all too good, looking too good for your heart to take. but one particular character catches your eye, intrigues you even with those pair of eyes—goosebumps ran down your spine as you could feel him gazing back at you.

like at you, literally.

or was it just the game's tactic to make the players like you fall deeper? hm, probably! it definitely was, unless a random ghost must've possessed your phone but that can't be right?

right?! you yelled the same word out loud, snapping your head around your room—looking for any potential jumpscares, but to your relief—thank god. now you can play your little new obsession in peace!

snapping your head back at your phone, eyes lit up in immense stars as you've made up your mind, heart thumping loudly as you scanned his unique features—tapping the "play with me?" soft pink button below the name 'yang jungwon' aka the mischievous leader kitty of the group.

in yandere academy, this group is called enhypen—and they have a bunch of fangirls, and it's not even a 'bunch', the size of their fandom is almost half of the female population in the academy and even outside of its territories—there is this ridiculously long line of female students from other academies. a feat that cannot be totally underestimated, and it's not even surprising as they are packed with dazzling visuals, and a set of numerous talents of their own.

they catch hearts everywhere, left and right, back and forth with their grand entrance to the school. each of them has their own separate fandoms too, and yang jungwon's taekwondo club practices are always filled with hearty eyes paired nerve-wracking screams that his coach spends half an hour yeeting them out.

"huh?" you let that out a tad bit too loud, almost exaggerated even. the game surely didn't turn out the way you thought, as you had the initial assumption that the yandere you chose already fell for you, and that you just had to spend those lovey-dovey levels roleplaying with them with a one or a few more predetermined routes to choose from.

the rules was pretty simple; try to get his heart—make him fall for you in the set duration of thirty days. in other words, there are ninety-nine percent possibility that he might reject your confession out of pure lack of interest. get that three row of bars; friendship, love, and yandereness as high as you can because if you were unable to do so then there will be no second chances of playing the yandere of your choice without paying an excessive sum of bucks, so you just had to do it once and make sure to do it right.

quite a challenging mission, huh? no it really is challenging but you were determined as your nostrils flared out a puff of air, straightening your posture as

the adorable motion logo of the game plays out, loading in a bunch of texts meant to help you along the way;

'yandere has each of their own unique love languages, pay attention!'

'little misfortunes are often a blessing in disguise, sometimes redirecting you away from what we call a 'disaster.'

'completing side tasks will increase your yandere's love bar by two percent!'

it soon pops up a bunch of pinky hearts and sparkling stars after all those introductions and guides before switching to a scene of him, jungwon—standing before you, and as expected, you were instructed to approach him.

the location in his taekwondo club, all while sandwiched in between his die-hard fangirls with those screams that you had to turn down your volume to zero. talk about in starting a cool first impression—well never mind, two choices popped up on your screen.

choice one: wait for him after his taekwondo practices (20% of working out)

choice two: act like a damsel in distress (5% of working out)

"uh," your thumb hovered over the two choices, is this a trap? act like a damsel in distress—what in the actual fuck? who would even do that in 2024?! you begrudgingly tapped on the first choice, and the scene switches to a pop up message:

try again, jungwon left a couple minutes earlier for a dinner with jay!

[ retry? ] [ exit? ]

your eyebrow twitches, what the fuck? just like that . . .? there's even barely a progress and you just have to fucking retry?

and jokes on you as your jaw dropped on the floor with the new set of choices presented before you, four choices—actually.

"what is this?!" you yelled so loud you immediately covered your mouth, peeking outside the window.

day three.

the love bar ain't going the fuck up, it's still there glaring at your face with it's zero percent. well that's fine, atleast the friendship bar goes up a tad bit—by five percent. a progress is still a progress!

but the game is just so greedy! you can't skip a day? sure then! but you only had three gems a day, one is to play the major mission, second to power up your aesthetics, skills, and status. third, to complete your side tasks such as running errands for your home or completing school assignments!

that even takes a whole day to refill back up, and it's not even enough with these thirty days you got and with this slow ass rate of getting jungwon to fall for you! you threw your phone on the bed, huffing like a madman—contemplating whether to spend a few bucks on it or just drop the game altogether. surely, you can't be that too attached with a yandere character, right?

right?!

jokes on you, your fingers find itself on the payment method against your will. ultimately cashing out a few bucks from your bank account with a single tear trailing down from your eye, all of this would be complete waste of money and effort if you fail to reign over his heart.

you let out an almost animalistic growl—filled with downright spite, actually. is this game even for real?! the choices they gave you are almost like deliberately setting you up for failure, definitely is! you were almost sure that is—to the point of contacting the developers themselves but you held yourself in sheer strength of self-control at last-minute, at the last digit of contacting them.

"it's okay, pampering myself isn't a sin." you pat yourself on the back, comforting yourself with a huge pout reaching the floor. it's okay! with a newfound determination, you're sure you'll make it!

day ten.

hopeless! utterly hopeless even the god of romance and cupid's themselves would laugh at you. you would, too. due to the fact that you went as far as googling on how to 'win over a man's heart" or "list of dialogues and actions that makes a man gain interest in you".

one of them even says food, that it is the way to a man's heart. but how the heck are you even going to feed a fictional game character? it would be easier if there was a food dialogue!

right, when is your character—or the game itself deciding to send a heart shaped box of chocolates? that would atleast give you a few percent to his love bar!

throwing yourself at your bed like a ragdoll, groaning and kicking your feet in the air. why do you even bother? for what? your search history is so hopelessly embarrassing, and even more embarrassing was when your co-worker had their eyes ogling at it. your mistake for letting your phone screen lit up for everyone to see, thank god she was the only one. patting you on the back that it was okay, and that she too had her fair share of struggles on fictional men.

truly a fellow comrade, you almost shed a tear.

day seventeen.

is this damn game trying to get on your nerves?

deciding to show a new bunch of rules that they didn't bother to show at the first day—set of rules you mustn't do while proceeding with the act of winning a yandere's heart, that is—you were not to skip a single day of playing—in other words, not spending a time with your yandere as in the game's words itself; they will be lonely and might end up throwing tantrums—loathing you for doing so, ignoring you for a short period or even longer depending on how long you were gone, thus risking the amount of effort you've spent so far down the drain.

and you actually skipped not one but two days because of your hectic work piling up after a fellow coworker's taking a sick leave for a week. . . and that was also after finally getting his love bar up to two percent and friendship bar reaching whopping sixteen percent.

yeah, it's sadly a 'whopping' one for you.

and now it's back at zero, with his friendship bar down to crashing down to nine digit and just as exactly the rules stated; every choice, dialogues, and routes you picked ended up him ignoring you with that furrowed eyebrows and slight pout on his lips, or responding to you in a flat out cold tone.

he's not even in love with you, so what are you even throwing a tantrum for?! you screamed that question at the animated game character on your phone's screen.

day twenty-four.

nah, this won't do. it definitely won't so why are you still trying? you bit your lower lip as you look for cheats, hacks, and tutorials online, praying to atleast find some miracle that could miraculously rocket you to ninety percent of love bar atleast!

since all you have left is six days.

you've spent an embarrassing amount of hours and days on this shit, even more dedicated and focused than you do back in your days as a student. you were so sure by this point that you could actually become a relationship therapist with all these accumulated knowledge!

day thirty.

eyebrows and lips twitching, it is.

level thirty, it is—ending on quite a horrible note, or actually, a total doomsday glaring back at you with all your nonexistent experience combined into a recipe with the title "never been in a relationship before".

a helpless laughter escapes your throat, of course—how can you catch a yandere's heart? much less make him your lover? you've never even caught a human's interest over the past twenty years of your life!

how cruel, how utterly cruel! god truly has it's ways of playing jokes. tears, laughter, giggles, sweat, money and effort—all gone down the drain.

all because of that one sentence ending it all, each word literally jumping out from his animated lips in a bold ass pink letters,

"i'm sorry but i can't accept it. i only see you as a friend, (name). i hope you could understand. . i'm sorry, but no—you're just not my type."

huh?! seriously?! a compelling urge, or a really tremendous one so colossal you can break your table into two parts—all that set of routes you've chosen so far with a careful decision and thoughts just for him to say this? just for the love bar to be at total ten percent?

jungwon, how could you? only ten percent? there's no hint of romantic affections found in his eyes or gestures, his friendship bar only by forty percent (a low score of only being his 'school' friend), heck you didn't even trigger his yandereness. like look at him! his yandere bar is at zero looming percent!

a trace of the pink love bar and red yandere bar nowhere to be seen, this is a pure scam! a love scam in the form of a game! meant to target single old ladies like you, fucking hell!

out of pure rage and disappointment, you slammed your phone on the bed—burying your face on your pillows as you let out a long drawn out, muffled scream. downright mad at yourself for even being so triggered by this whole shit, and at the fact of you acting like teenage girl imbued with hormonal changes,

"can't even get a fictional men to fall for me, i'm totally screwed for life!—"

you're so going to uninstall that shitty game, there's no point in playing anyways when you can't have the same character of your choice.

a notification 'tings' up, interrupting your bursts of tantrums—you look over at your phone with the game still up, a big pink heart-shaped bubble pops up on the screen—slowly draining into a pathetic colour of white, ultimately shredding it apart into a broken heart, mocking at your misery.

however the next message pulls outs a gasp from your throat, appearing in its usual glossy pink heart but a little redder at the bottom.

💌 2:09AM

hey there, our precious darling!

we totally get how you feel, there's no need to fret anymore! here we present to you an exclusive package where you will be given a final chance to retry for jungwon! this is a one in a lifetime chance for you—our dear player!

tempting almost, yet you're definitely not falling for that anymore.

and it's all free, let yourself fall deeper and deeper into this world of obsession. you can't really give up that quickly, right?

yanderes never knows when to give up, anyways ♡

free? there's nothing free in this world, even the game itself stated the same words. you've wasted your time, money, and effort on this dumb game and now it's giving a package that is exclusive only for you?

what dirty trick is this game trying to pull off once again?

© pieroulette on tumblr , 2024.

[nightunite]

The Menace Meets his Match

PER THE REQUEST OF OUR LOOOOOOOOVELY @beloveds-embrace WHO REQUESTED SIMON SUFFERING I introduce to you the Madame! A character who I wish to be one day tbh. Warning now, there are MAJOR Spoilers ahead for the entire AU, please read with caution!

"What the bloody hell is this?!" A newspaper lands on the table with a weighty thwap!, Simon following it with looming over the woman in the chair. She pauses, giving him a sidelong glance, before setting her teacup onto the saucer and gently closing her book. "I believe that is a newspaper, Marquess Riley. Do you need someone to read it for you, perhaps?" Simon glowers at her, slamming himself into the seat opposite her before aggressively poking the paper as though it offends him.

To the Madame's amusement, it probably does.

"I can read the damned thing! What I want to know is what this rubbish your idiotic little friend chose to print is, and why my name is attached to it." Ah, that section of the paper. She'd been hoping it would stick in his craw. Madame sets her book completely aside; if the Marquess wishes to play this game with her, she'll happily oblige. She makes eye contact with the shop staff, a truly lovely girl who comes up with the best seasonal blends, and gives her a nod before turning to face the man in front of her. "I take it you're referring to Phillip's latest pieces concerning our darling little town." Simon scoffs, "'Pieces', yeah. Pieces of shite is what they are." "How so? I fail to see anything he's printed that's incorrect." "You know what's incorrect!" He growls out, "You have Graves out here spreading gossip that I'm a lousy lay! Last I checked, you're the one who came to me about tending to your needs, you sneaky-" "Tea, your graces?" The girl holds up the teapot, quickly filling and refilling Simon and Madame's cups respectively, giving a stilted head nod that Madame returns before she retreats back behind the counter to safety. Simon exhales through his nose before moving his mask, a thin piece to account for the oppressive heat of the summer, and taking a sip as is, nothing added. Once he sets his cup down with a gentle clink, she decides it's time for the fun to truly begin. “Let’s face the facts: I spilled the secrets of our dalliance to Phillip and cut your ego down to the size of your cock, where I was left unimpressed and ultimately unsatisfied by both.” Madame cuts him off with a raised hand, taking a quick sip of her tea, “That’s not to say you were terrible. In the end, I got there all the same. I simply don’t understand the excitement with which these women speak about you. I can only guess it’s because your usual quarry has little to no experience beyond their fantasies and fiction.” She refuses to flinch when he slams his hand on the table, rattling the porcelain and making the eavesdropping girl squeak and duck into the back. It's been a long time since a man made her rethink her actions, and she'll be cold in the ground well before she does it again. Though he should tread more carefully, his silly little tantrum is only fun for so long... "That's all lies and you know it! Graves has never once printed a damn thing worth a pence! He only knows how to deal in gossip and the only reason he's still in business is because empty-headed aristocrats enjoy that schlock!" "Oh, is that so? I suppose then that our latest Baroness did not recently bear an heir to the Konig line?" Wetting the tip of her finger, an action Simon's eyes follow without his permission, she flips the paper back to the front page, carefully avoiding any ink transfer.

There on the front reads "An Heir is Born! Welcome, Baby Baron Benedikt!" in bold font, the following columns detailing the little boy's arrival with some mention of his parents. Notably how his deep blue eyes were an inheritance from his father's side while his ears were (thankfully, joked the mirthful Baron, holding his son in the crook of an arm with a finger tight in Benedikt's chubby grasp) entirely his mother's. Simon takes another sip of his tea in an effort to gather his thoughts, but she won't let him.

“Ah yes, such a sweet child, and my those eyes are quite stunning in person! Though that reminds me Marquess Riley, how is your dear friend Duke MacTavish these days? I heard tales of a vandal sneaking his way into the duchy recently. Busted up three rooms, they say. Though, that’s a rumor too, isn’t it? Can’t imagine who else would have done it, or why.” He freezes as her grin grows, teeth showing akin to a fox that's cornered a rabbit. It's clear that she's been waiting to catch him wrong-footed, and like a fool he stepped into her trap. No matter, he can grit his teeth and bear the brunt of this hellish conversation for Johnny's sake. Ah, the suffering of men. She takes in his suffering with a deep inhale. Truly the only thing she needed to complete her afternoon tea. Speaking of tea though, she supposes she's spent enough time and attention on this man. Now to send him retreating with his tail between his legs. “If you don't wish to speak on silly rumors or lackluster bedroom antics, perhaps you'll be more inclined towards discussing drinks. I've heard you're quite the collector of tea, so I must ask you, how are you finding the tea? It’s my own personal blend.” That, however, sends a chill down his spine. He sets the cup back down, tragically empty, while his mind moves on its own. It was no secret that the Madame was a large fan of tea, growing her own varieties amongst a wide array of exotic (and in some cases, fatal) plants in her personal garden, the one thing that was hers when she wed her late husband. Yet that changed when he rapidly grew ill, a fever setting in followed by intense soreness and inability to keep food down, the sickness leeching the life from his bones and rotting him by the day. A painful and slow death, he was scraped along into his grave by death, the official cause unknown. The coroner never found proof of foul play, but it was no surprise when the Madame stood taller the moment the first shovel's worth of dirt hit the closed casket. At that thought he stood, aware of the danger of the man-eater across from him. A tactical retreat was in order. "I can see you and Graves share much in common. Hopefully this doesn't come back to bite you, Madame." With a mocking bow he moves towards the exit, content to make his escape into the warm afternoon air. Yet just as he reaches the door, her voice wraps around his ears, a far cry from the noises she made that night weeks ago. “Oh, Marquess Riley?” She calls, Simon turning to glare back at her smug expression, her hand fan gently cooling her face, the embroidered silk bearing a nightshade flower in the center. “You’re dismissed.” It takes everything in him not to snap back like a child. His guts boil and clench inside him as he snarls beneath his mask, teeth bared as he stalks out of the small tea shop, shoulders hiding the blazing red of his ears. He marches to his driver and demands to return home, this trip nothing but a plague upon his blood and brain. ' Let her have her laughs now, but she won't be the one cackling at the end', he thinks. That night, Simon lay awake with the worst bout of indigestion he had ever experienced, stuck cursing the Madame between episodes of vomiting and shaking.

[hunterwritings]

𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 | 𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐤𝐮𝐞𝐢 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐨

request: "Hello, can you write headcannons on the reader taking the Lin Kuei trio to the movies as a date?" warnings: none | notes: maybe a bit ooc? also was very tired while writing this so maybe some writing mistakes

→ 𝐁𝐢-𝐡𝐚𝐧

Bi-han is most certainly not a movie guy.

I believe he would lean towards more 'traditional' dates, like going out to dinner or late night walks.

Being the grandmaster of the Lin Kuei, he wouldn't have a whole lot of time for dates. He might also think they are a waste of time most of the time, he thinks there are better ways to show his love for you. But the few times he will initiate dates, he wants it to be somewhere remote, where it is only the two of you. Bi-han has a hard time showing his emotions, and an even harder time saying them, so he prefers to be alone with you to fully express his love.

When you give the idea of going to the movies with him, he is initially against it. He doesn't have a whole lot of movies or films that he is fond of, mostly because he thinks that it is useless fiction.

You are finally able to convince him tag along with you, convincing him that the movie you are going to see would have many fight scenes and said that the two of you could critique them together. You knew that was something you could draw him in with.

You planned a day you knew there wouldn't be many people in the theater so Bi-han wouldn't feel the need to be anxious or tense. You got decent seats in the middle of the theater.

He kept his rough hand over your own the entire time, squeezing it tightly. It was almost a security blanket for him, knowing that you were here and weren't leaving.

He paid close attention to the movie, actually getting quite interested, looking down at you a couple times with your head leaning on his chest.

Once you leave, Bi-han would be talking about the movie on the walk home, criticizing how the characters acted and none of the fight scenes would actually play out that way. Even though he was critiquing it, you knew he actually payed attention and wanted to express his thoughts with you.

→ 𝐊𝐮𝐚𝐢 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐠

Kuai Liang thinks that movies are such a fun experience

He loves watching action-comedies with you. He also just loves the idea of being comfy and relaxing with you. Anything that involved him and you just being able to enjoy each other's presence was something he absolutely fawned over.

You told him you had this idea to go see a new adventure style comedy movie and he was filled with excitement. He will stand at the concession stand for a while until he knew that the two of you had everything you needed before watching the movie.

Always on time, usually even early so he can get snacks before the movie starts. He wants to make sure everything is perfect for you so that you can relax and be the most comfortable. Kuai Liang is always going to go out of his way to do the absolute best for you, no matter what it is. You are a god/goddess to him and he would worship you any chance he gets.

Gets really into the movie and the plot line. If you really enjoyed the movie as he did, you two will talk for hours on different parts you enjoyed and how you hope there will be another one.

On your walk home, he will tightly hold your hand while thanking you multiple times for being able to bring him along to the movies and saying how he will never get tired of going out with you. Kuai Liang will pour his heart out to you over and over again until he is drowning you in kisses from the top of your head to your collarbone.

→ 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐬

This man adores movies with you.

To be fair, Tomas adores doing almost anything with you. Any sort of outing with just the two of you makes him so happy, as if he couldn't ask for anything else.

Will watch any type of movie with you: comedy, romance, action, horror, etc.

would 100% watch Johnny Cage movies

Once you asked him to go the movies with you, his face lit up and he immediately accepted.

Will plan the entire day around you going to the movies. He will plan a lunch/dinner to go out with you before going to the movies and then would buy a handful of sweets for both you and himself from the movies concession stand. Once the movie would start, Tomas would be leaning down to your ear to comment on anything interesting he'd see in the movie or something he would laugh at with you.

Would have his arm slung around you, either around your shoulders or draped across your waist so that he could hold onto you while he looked up at the movie screen. He'd be smiling and smirking at you every couple of minutes and leaning in to press a kiss to the top of your head.

Wants to go see every new movie with you and will buy tickets early to secure seats for new and upcoming movies.

[odd-im-o]

How to Create an Imaginary

*this guide has been created based on my own experiences and what has worked for me. it is purely a recommendation and should by no means be treated as the final say on imagimancy

*the items within this post have no set order. do whichever points you want, however you want, whenever you want and only IF you want!

*enjoy :D

There's many reasons someone may want to summon an imaginary. Maybe you had one as a child and miss them. Maybe you never quite figured out how to make one in the first place. Maybe the idea of having sentient thoughtforms and willos is a big commitment you're not ready to take yet.

Whatever the reason, I wanted to compile a guide of sorts outlining how to create your own!

What is an Imaginary?

An imaginary is a non- or partially-sentient being drawn from someone's imagination. This could be a fictional character, pet, companion, or anything else! These friends are typically constructed in ones mind and projected out into the real world. It's like a para outside of the paracosm, or an oc specifically designed to interact with you, the creator.

This guide will outline tips to create and maintain your own imaginary.

Choose a Type

Before you can summon an imaginary, you need to know what role your imaginary will play. Are they meant to be a pet, friend, caregiver, lover, or something else entirely? Are they human? Mythical? Something else? Will they be brain-made? Or maybe they're drawn from pre-existing media?

The limits are your own imagination. Choose what fits your own interests and needs.

Draw Inspiration

Your new imaginary may be born from your mind, but it's helpful to draw inspiration from other places. Maybe there's a character you want them to resemble, or a personality you find fitting with your own. Maybe you have an idea for an aesthetic or style your imaginary will take on.

Gather those inspirations and use them moving forward! Maybe make a folder in your phone filled with interesting images, write down what tickles your fancy, or make an collage online. Whatever the method, have fun with this step! It will help flesh out your imaginary.

Visualization

Once you've gathered ideas for your imaginary, it's time to start visualizing. This is, personally, the most difficult part. Your companion, afterall, doesn't actually exist quite yet. It's through your own mind that they will manifest, and that takes a bit of time and effort on your part.

One method of visualization is art. Draw what you want your imaginary to look like, or use picrews or other online-makers to create them. Make them a few times over, see what fits and what feels right, and eventually you should settle on something that's correct.

Another method is picturing. Turn on some music or ASMR you want to associate with your imaginary, close your eyes, and see what appears. Write down anything notable or simply observe. See what comes to mind.

Regardless of your method, at the end you should be able to picture the key traits of your imaginary. Don't worry if these traits change later on. Your imaginary is a being, afterall, and is subject to change. Just settle on what feels right and give your imaginary room to grow as they get settled.

Characterization

As you start to visualize your imaginary, their personality should start to shine through as well.

Observe your imaginary and see what personality traits begin to arise. How do they act? How do they speak? How do they interact with you? Interact with others?

Alternatively, make these choices for yourself! Do you want your imaginary to be friendly? Aggressive? Assertive? Are they an ally to you or a needed opposition?

Also take the time to flesh out your relationship with your imaginary. What role do they play in your life? How do they add to or subtract from your world? How do you two interact?

Once again, these answers may change as your imaginary grows, but begin to take notes of some key factors you notice or want within your imaginary.

Interaction

This is the fun one. While it is completely valid to not interact with your imaginaries, I personally find that interaction is what sets an imaginary apart from OCs or fictional character daydreaming.

That being said, your imaginaries aren't sentient and are somewhat controlled by you. Here's some tips for interacting with your imaginaries and helping to build a relationship between the two of you.

Schedule Interaction Time

I, personally, spend time with my imaginary every morning while I do my daily routine. It provides set-aside time for us to bond and helps to make sure I don't forget he exists.

Choosing a time to interact with your imaginary can really help to build a relationship and make sure they consistently appear. Maybe you talk with your imaginary during lunchbreaks everyday, or Saturday afternoons are always set aside for the two of you. Try not to let this get in the way of other relationships, though. Those are important. It's simply helpful to know that, say, while you do the dishes everyday, a friend will be sitting there to talk with you.

Choose Points in Space

When interacting with your imaginary, try choosing points in the world around you where they appear. Maybe you have a dragon sitting on your shoulder, or a giant crouched outside your window, or a fairy flying just ahead of you. Even if you can't literally see your companion, imagine where they would be while you interact.

Chat with your Imaginary

Talking with your imaginary is a great form of interaction. I personally will talk out loud and give my imaginary time to respond. Another method is to have a mental conversation between the two of you.

At the start, it may feel a little awkward and forced. You may be choosing what your imaginary says and how they respond. But keep with it. Over time the communication should begin to feel more natural.

Forming Habits

Once the hardest parts are done, your only other job is to form habits. Choose moments when you want your imaginary to appear and regularly summon them then. Get used to interacting with them consistently. Observe the way they change and grow as the two of you get to know each other.

Ultimately, if your imaginary doesn't stick around, don't fret! It's totally okay for them to fade. But with a bit of time and effort, you can have an imaginary that sticks with you for a long time :)

[nimata-beroya]

My Thoughts on the Gohrman Massacre (Andor 2x08 "Who Are You?")

I needed a few to gather my thoughts because even though I knew what was coming and, in general, I can sympathize but not immerse myself in fiction, this episode of Andor hit too close to home. Much more than I thought it would. It triggered me. This was more than caring for what was happening to dear fictional characters, this was personal and real.

Because I couldn't stop thinking how in over the last 25 years, I've lived something similar, over and over again. Maybe not at the same scale, but always with the same heartbreaking ending. How many times I've been horrified watching the news, listening about people dying in a pacific protest that "somehow" turned violent. How always the blame fell on the protestors, and never on those who should've been protecting them. How a gathering in a plaza where people chanted, sang the national anthem, yelled their grievances with the government ended up being a massacre because a group of adepts of the ruling party came by and starting shooting (can anyone guess where they get the guns from?)

Watching Wilmon's girlfriend asking for help on the radio, I could see all my country mates and myself in her, in her desperation, screaming to the void for help and nobody comes to the aid. It's so real, it showed how often outsiders hide behind politics and diplomacy when they're not the ones drowning in the bloody mess.

This show has always been as down-to-the-earth as it gets, but this season, and especially this episode, art imitated life to a horrifying degree.

I know my country is not the only one that has experienced things like this, it's not new when there's always people capable of anything for keeping power. Fascists, dictators, power-hungry people that won't stop until they get what they want. The thing is they always, ALWAYS, want more.

I know people don't learn through others' experiences but their own, but everyone out there who think it'd never happen to them, please, please, please heed the message of the show. You're not immune to be the prey of people like that.

[gleekingdom]

On reddit I made a post about Anna in frozen, I guess people kinda hate her. So ya know let's try this again. This is pure ranting for fun! I love hearing others thoughts by the way Lol, as long as it's respectful.

So This might sound crazy- bbbbut I always connected more to anna then Elsa, Even though I connect in a way to both.

But Anna touched my soul, even as a child, I was 11 so not like to young but still young. A lot of people connect with Elsa and I totally see why. But sometimes it feels like Anna is underappreciated. Anna doesn't have ice powers or let it go, she's not Elsa. But she doesn't have to be.

Anna does have a similar experience though. Because her parents pretty much blocked off the castle from the town. That's why she's inside a lot, and she doesn't understand why this is happening, because ultered memories. So this is coming outta no where to her. But she just lives with it.

But she wants an excuse to go outside and to be with Elsa.Thats the whole reason why ' Do you wanna build a snowman' is a thing, she's become friends with paintings. She is lonely in a similar way to her sister. Sure she goes out a little, but not a lot from the signs the movies gives us. Like the only time we saw her go out before the cornation was her parents funeral. And now her and Elsa are even more alone because of that.

That's why the cornation is so exciting to her, she wants friends she wants connection. Most her life Elsa shut her out and she never knew really why for the longest time. To her Elsa just didn't want anything to do with her, and that hurt. Because even though that's not true, you can just see that Elsa blocking her out always hurts her.

And though I do believe she's a hopeless romantic, being one myself I treasure every relationship I have, my friends my family it doesn't have to be romance. But it made me read Anna in a way like - she wasn't just looking for love for no reason. She wants a close connection because the person closest to her shut her out. So she's trying to find a connection that will stay, and she wants it to be a deep connection. So romance was just what first came to her head. She probably also read stories about romance and how it's the most powerful, like they do say so much in fiction.

Anna is also someone who is compassionate, she's impulsive too, But for example when krissoff lost his sled, she said it was okay if he didn't wanna help her anymore. Also she got him the things he wanted before that one guy xD I don't know his name threw him out.

And she also just stays on Elsa's side, and thinks it's her own fault Elsas magic got outta control at the cornation. Anna cares so much about other people, even when they were rushing back to Hans, Anna was worried about Krissoffs ice business outta all the things to worry about xDthat was her way of showing she cared about him. She seems to put others before herself, and I just really relate to that. OH LETS NOT FORGET SHE RISKED HER LIFE FOR ELSA

To be honest this is more of a character love rant then just me relating.

So I'm also gonna mention she's hilarious, she's the most Goofy I have ever seen a Disney princess. And I love her look especially her cornation gown in the first movie. And her vocals are pretty good ❤️

I haven't seen frozen 2 in awhile. But I'm just gonna mention 'the next right thing' is so powerful. Like even if you don't like the movie that's fine. But this was a powerful moment for Anna, she lost the closest person to her again and this time she didn't know if she'd get her back. But she still was determined as she always is, and it was hard for her to do because well .... people she loved died, but she still did what she knew she had to. SUCH A QUEEN! No pun intended.

She is so complex, and I love her so so so much. PlatonicallyLol. Like she does so much and she doesn't even need powers. I'm getting the 'a frozen heart' book and I hope I can even learn more about her, like I'm glad for people who connect with Elsa. But Anna was that character for me.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[fresne999]

Half way through the journey of our analyses

I feel like roughly half of the analysis I'm reading about OFMD S2 is folks who clearly fixated on a character (it's Izzy, it's always Izzy that inspires this kind of analysis) write analyses that cause the 2nd response of, "Um…did you ever study literary analysis in school."

Now I come at this from a slightly odd place in that I did study literary analysis in school (30+ years ago) where I learned it's possible to interpret anything about any way, because we're all bringing different lenses to the analysis. Which isn't to say that an author can't have an intended interpretation. 

Dante in Canto V of Inferno (Divine Comedy) would still like folks to understand fixating on the two damned-lovers and ignoring the details that the artist is putting in there for you to catch about how they are damned because they won't change the toxic patterns that got them there in the first place. Also, they can't because they are in hell, and hell is like that. That Dante-the-writer had Dante-the-character swoon over those same two damned-lovers (because Dante-the-character is on a journey of moral correction) is hilarious, but doesn't make it any less the point of that section of the work, but I digress.

As a career, I am very aware that folks love to misinterpret what is meant to be very clear instructions. Of course, I'm writing policies and procedures, which is a bit different from writing fiction, and is worlds away from creating a t.v. show. But that's the life experience that I always bring to literary analysis. Frequently, people choose their interpretations to fit what they want to see, and that's part of being human.

I've seen a fair number of folks interpret Izzy's redemption arc in S2 as one of a queer man struggling with disabilities and mental health issues whose struggle is made meaningless by his demise. Which sure, you could interpret it that way and in that it's coming from I'm sure an emotional place, I get it. And hmmm… I might give this interpretation more credence  if I hadn't read a lot of Izzy analysis for S1 that was wildly different than the text.

So let's take a step back. 

First, know the rules of the literary universe: OFMD is a show where the reality is not ours. It is either the Core Universe or something very close to it. BTW: If you've never heard of Core Universe or read the seminal BtVS+HtLJ "When Hellmouth's Collide" (https://www.ltljverse.com/index2.htm), a Core Universe is one where everything lines up. Row boats are magic, and where there is a Badminton, he will accidentally stab/shoot himself. 

Terminology more befitting of that fancy literature degree might be to say that OFMD functions along the logic of Magical Realism. Characters will appear briefly for the purposes of the story and then disappear not to be mentioned again (Nana, Calico Jack, Mary Read & Anne Bonny). Things align because they are meant to align. It is a universe where the Gravy Basket is a real place, and meant to be taken seriously.  It's also a universe where a man may become a seagull, because he loves the sea. You change for love, but the ways you change may be positive or toxic. 

They can result in a bird that never gets to know rest. Always flying over the sea. Or they lead to becoming a bird, who can float in the sea or land on a unicorn's leg. 

Transformation. 

Anyway, S1 - Stede commissioned a ship with secret passageways. It did not have a buxom mermaid on the prow, nor something more befitting a ship named the Revenge. He commissioned a unicorn prow and went off to become a pirate. 

A not particularly violent pirate. But a pirate who didn't have a problem with the violence of piracy. See Stede telling Lucius (hardest working man on the ship in S1) to take notes during a violent raid where the show's logo was literally carved into the chest of a dead man. 

BTW: The tone about violence is darker in S2, but the violence was there in S1. It was just presented in a more whimsical way. The nose jar was full of noses in S1. We heard about Blackbeard's violence. A man was skinned alive off screen, but we focused on the Prussian (but also sort of French) party. 

What Izzy needed to be redeemed from was established in S1. The problem is that folks who interpreted Izzy as a) the central focus of the show and b) a put upon manager just trying to do right by his crew (or as one Tumblerina referred to him as the man/father of the family going out to hunt - excuse me while I vomit - and support his family as men must do), are not going to understand what Izzy's S2 arc was all about. 

Ed and Stede are the main characters in a romantic story. There are other characters with their own arcs, but they are the main characters.

In S1, Stede created a safe space where characters had a chance to breathe for the first time. Possibly ever, and as a result revisited parts of themselves they'd lost. Wee John got back in touch with his roots as the son of a seamstress. Frenchie got back to what he loves, scamming the rich. The Swede sang like a siren of the sea, because it doesn't always have to be scary. 

Ed had his first good time in years. After expressing suicidal ideation to Izzy because of his terminal boredom in S1.E4 - Discomfort in a Married state, Ed found himself some balance. Some sweet marmalade. 

Ed and Izzy were in a toxic relationship that only reinforced their toxic behavior. And yes, I'm going to overuse the word toxic. While piracy is a place where you can go be yourself and shag whoever you want (whatever happens at sea stays at sea), it's not a place where you can be soft. Gentle. Emotionally open. Available. 

Ed's only path out that he could see at the time was to plan to skin the face of the man who built a ridonculous boat with a unicorn on the prow and wear it for the rest of his life. A plan to send Stede to Doggy Heaven. 

BTW: This is why Izzy uses the line in S2.E3 - the Innkeeper, that they put Ed down like a mad dog, so that Stede could reply that they sent Ed to Doggy Heaven. Reiterating this concept of piracy as violence, as taking away faces / identity / lives, but also losing one's own. Forgetting even what day of the year it is. Also revealing that Stede knew about Ed & Izzy's plan to murder him, send Stede to doggy heaven, and had moved on. 

This is also why the respite in S2.E4 - Fun and Games is so critical. Mary Read/Anne Bonney are portrayed as direct parallels to Stede/Ed. They are selling what are, no doubt, the spoils of their piracy. But they've chosen a remote location with no community, but each other and a life where they are not actually communicating. Which on its surface is where Ed and Stede end up, and yet…the Revenge can sail back. They are on the shore facing the sea, not in a jungle lost from a clear view. I'll quote the relevant Dante in just a bit, never fear.

Ed and Stede's new inn has the potential for a solid foundation, because the unicorn has been planted firmly in the ground, and if we get an S3, I firmly expect the unicorn leg to have transformed into a tree, because I've read a lot of medieval literature and that's how that sort of thing works. 

Well, it could be a penis tree (this was a thing in medieval marginalia), but somehow I don't think it will be. 

 But I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

Back in S1, the plan to murder Stede and take his identity broke down despite Izzy trying to perform an intervention to get Ed back into the toxic soup, and ended with Ed curled up in a bathtub and opening up about murdering his father. An image the show chose to flash on the screen multiple times in S2 just in case folks forgot that this was a traumatizing event for Ed, and was itself the culmination of years of traumatic abuse at his father's hands. 

Just as Stede kept flashing back to the moment his father tells him what it is to be a man, and kills an animal, the blood splashing on Stede's wee little face. 

That this is the point of the show. Transforming past trauma. It's there. You always carry the scars. Sometimes, you decide to tattoo yourself with the image of the thing you fear, and then the thing you fear is always there, but you've got to keep moving forward. To stay in one place, to stay trapped in the same emotion/action, is hell. I've read a lot of lit crit of Dante's Inferno. Trust me, it's the same thing.

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of S1E6 - Here Dragons Be, because it's where the pustule of his relationship with Ed breaks. His attempted intervention fails to get Ed to kill Stede, so Izzy tries to kill Stede. Not realizing that a) Stede is a main character and b) this is a Core Universe show. Where it's possible to win a duel by being stabbed in the left side of your gut and stay there for many hours and not die. So he loses the 1 thing that defines him, his job. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the events of s1E8 - We Gull Way Back, where he enlists Calico Jack to lure Ed off the boat (with all the toxic masculinity that entailed) so that the British could show up and shoot the head off the unicorn, and kill Stede. So Izzy can crawl back into his old patterns / job / life. 

Izzy's redemption arc is firmly based in the big drama confrontation in S1E10 - Wherever You Go There You Are, when as a person whose entire identity is tied up in being Blackbeard's First Mate and after realizing that he couldn't cut it as a captain on his own, he does whatever the f- he can to get Ed back into the toxic soup so he can get his old role/job back.  

This isn't to say that Ed's off the deep end actions in S2.E1&2 aren't his own choices. He is a main character. His emotional arc is one of the driving forces of the show. But they are the choices of a man who wants to die. After a lifetime of violent action that had been increasingly drowning him, he wants to die in the violence of battle, but the enemy are never good enough. He wants Izzy to kill him, but Izzy won't. Until he does…sort of. He wants to die in a storm. He's carving notches on his wall hoping to lure Ned Low to him so that he can die in pain. But Ed is the devil and does not die.

Except Ed's not the devil. He doesn't have a head made of smoke. He's a man. Not a fisherman. Not a fisher of men, and what an interesting attempt to go Christ himself off into the wilderness only to be fired for not being that good at it, and then receive his letter from the deep. 

Because in a show full of magical realism, the bottles with messages will reach the intended recipient eventually.

"In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood for the straight way was lost. Ah, how hard a thing it is to say what that wood was. So savage and harsh and strong, that the thought of it renews my fear. It is so bitter that death is little more so. But to speak of the good that I found there, I will tell of the other things I saw…and like one with laboring breath comes forth from the deep onto the shore, who turns back to the perilous water and stares, so my spirit still fleeing turned to gaze upon the pass that has never left anyone alive." Dante, Canto 1, Inferno. 

Instead of dying, Ed goes not to Purgatory (sorry I'd quote the opening lines, but Inferno actually works better here), but to the Gravy Basket, where he confronts the spirit of Hornigold. Dead spirit. Aspect of Ed's self. Both. Neither. Hated. Self. Unkillable. 

Is saved by a goldfish incarnation of Stede. 

But just as the imaginary as Stede's vision of what / who he thinks he needs to be for Ed, this is not true. Life being what it is, Ed and Stede rush when they need to go slow. They break apart because they are saying words, but the other person is hearing based on their own interpretation. 

BTW: The clue Dante-the-writer gives the reader in Canto V of Inferno is how one of the damned lovers, Francesca, explains how she hooked up with her brother-in-law, Paulo. She describes reading an Arthurian romance. She and Paulo kissed when Gwenevere and Lancelot kissed in the story. Except the version they are reading (and Dante tells the reader which version this is) was intended as a cautionary tale. Also, Paulo and Francesca were real people who were murdered by Francesca's husband when he caught them together. So there is that too.

I always like it in fiction when characters misinterpret each other because they hear based on their life experiences and don't hear the things that are said/unsaid based on the life experiences of the other person speaking. That's good writing. It's also how we end up with wildly varying interpretations of works of fiction.

But I digress.

Izzy's S2 arc is that he must let go of his relationship with Ed and turn to others. He must learn to let go of toxic masculinity and let in softness. Not weakness. Water is not weak, but it is soft. Calypso, goddess of the sea, is not weak. Her birthday is whatever day you need it to be. She is vast and deep and soft and relentless. 

In Ro-sham-bo, it's a shame that there is not a gesture for water. Because it is not paper that defeats stone, but water that wears away the stone. Of course, scissors wouldn't do much to water either, so that would sort of break Ro-sham-bo, so I suppose it must stay as it is.

It is through a craft's project that the crew of the Revenge find healing. Turn Izzy into the unicorn. A unicorn that Izzy's own actions caused to be decapitated with a British cannon ball in S1. That Izzy rendered legless (drunk). But the Revenge is a boat. They just need to swim/sail. It is through a craft's project that Izzy is able to offer healing to Lucius, who in turn is then able to turn their art away from fixating on Ed, and the trauma that he's been through and back towards love, and Black Pete. 

But it's not possible to see Izzy's S2 arc, if you didn't interpret S1 Izzy as needing to go through his own gravy basket. 

That Izzy dies because his transformation is necessary. He can't leave Ed, and if he doesn't leave Ed, then Ed can't stop being Blackbeard. The kracken. He literally tells Ed this as he chooses to transform. To free the world of Blackbeard, so Ed can be Ed. Yet, I've read so many posts by folks saying, "But why did he have to die?" Which sure, you can choose not believe what the character says while dying.

Which is a narrative privilege. To get a good dying speech. "There he is" get to be transmutted from an attack to an actual seeing. The larger than life concept of a smoke headed pirate can waft away.

Stories are hard to kill. They live on long past us, and as long as someone is remembered, especially in a universe like OFMD, we live. 

Though always reject the gift of a clock. That's someone telling you that you've only got so many hours left of life. If you are a character in a story. 

Thus the other parallel in this season is Izzy to Auntie and Ed to Zheng Yi Sao. Auntie must allow Zheng softness. Izzy must go through a sea change to something new and strange. Also, this would be a case of Doylistically the writers needed to line up Olu with Stede for that to work, and thus the new configurations of Olu and Jim's relationship, which, shrug, could be poly. Could be friends to lovers to friends.  Woulda, coulda, had more time, but that's on Max for not giving us 2 more episodes.

Prince Richard was trying to become a concept, but was too in love with the mechanics of it. Stede was trying to become a concept too. Found his fame, and all too quickly the toxic end of that particular route. Magical Realism was on his side until he tried to face down Zheng Yi Sao, the Queen of Pirates, and then the rules of the story weren't. Because those clocks were ticking. Everyone was in a very dark wood. The memory of blood splashed on Stede's face as a little boy was a warning. It was a reminder. It was the wrong lessons we take from our childhood and must unlearn to become whole.

Having the final shot of the show being Buttons landing on the unicorn leg as a reminder that this is a show about transformation. One thing becoming another thing. Somewhere the dead are dancing in Calypso's court. A dance below the sea and on the sea and with the sea. While the living keep sailing on their magic ship to do…I don't know. 

Because the Golden Age of Piracy is coming to an end. They'll go create new worlds and new places to be. Transforming.

If we get no more of the show, this is a resolution.

Since I've been quoting Dante, I'm going to end this with the final vision in Paradiso. Because folks who haven't been reading my analysis for the last 30 years / read it, may not realize that the Divine Comedy (a story that begins in sorrow and ends in joy) ends with the vision of a 3 way rainbow. 

"In the profound and shining Being of the deep Light, three circles appeared, of three colours, and one magnitude: one seemed refracted by the other, like Iris’s rainbows, and the third seemed fire breathed equally from both. O how the words fall short, and how feeble compared with my conceiving!…Power, here, failed the deep imagining: but already my desire and will were rolled, like a wheel that is turned, equally, by the Love that moves the Sun and the other stars."

[jesterkoops]

Sharing vessels et al.

Fresh musings dump about the latest...

I don't know that I completely trust Rehgabi. Not in the sense that she's deliberately plotting anything, but in the sense that I get the feeling she's strongly driven by ideology and the conviction that what she's doing is right. But like in many stories where people who rebel against a tyrannical system can become blinded by their own beliefs, I feel like she's promising things she can't really promise just to convince Mark to go along with it. "Your Gemma is still in there". How do you know?. "It will be you and her, together again". Way to spoil to the audience that it's never going to happen. While I think good things can come from the reintegration, I think a lot of shit is going to come too.

Mark and Helly are relationship goals. The way they dealt with this whole sex/autonomy/consent thing? BRAVO! What I love about their story is that, first and foremost, the writers aren't interested in messing with the audience and dragging drama out for cheap romance points. I was legit scared that they might go down the route of the pregnancy plot being the way Helly finds out Mark had sex with Helena, which would have been horrendous on so many levels (not just for the characters in-story but for the whole "women bodies in fiction" argument too). So I was so pleasantly surprised and relieved when they had him confess what happened relatively quickly.

Second of all, things are going to get so fucked up now that Mark is (more? completely?) reintegrated, so the the fact that they chose to write them have sex while it is still mostly i!Mark, so that it can be a "pure" experience that is theirs and theirs alone makes me feel like these writers really care about the characters and the story and aren't just using them as tools to manipulate the audience and make us to bond and care about them just so they can do horrible things to them, and destroy them, just to make us suffer (looking at you, GoT).

I can already foresee so much pain in their future though, now that i!Mark is going to be completely hijacked by o!Mark, with potentially life threatening consequences. Who knows how their story will end, considering Helly is also sort of on "life support", as her existence is dependent on the technology that can keep her and Helena severed. But I think/hope, if I'm right in what I said above, that the pain that's coming will be "good pain", the kind that makes good writing and not torture porn. It will be pain that makes sense for the story, and no matter how it ends for them, these moments won't be cheapened or tainted.

Helly being obsessed with the fact that this is HER body, asking Mark if it was different having with her, and the way she insists on dissociating herself from Helena, to find nefarious intentions into everything Helena does, is so understandably desperate. But, eventually, I feel like she will have this view challenged somehow, even just for the fact that it makes for better writing than just confirming all her beliefs.

I thought the makeshift tent scene had a lot of similarities with the actual tent scene. Yes, it was more giddy and awkward and teenage-like, but the framing, the kissing on their knees, the looking in the eyes, and, not to sound like a pervert, the way the... act was filmed... very similar. Similar enough yet different. I don't get people who see these as drastically different scenes portraying drastically different dynamics. When Helly asks Mark if it was different with her, he doesn't answer. Brings me back to Britt's analogy about the studio vs live version of a song. This is exactly what those two scenes are like to me.

And finally... HELENA MY DARLING. They are doing such a wonderful job with Helena because she's just as much of a mystery to me as what the fuck is up with Gemma. They are holding their cards sooooo close to their chest I literally am throwing my hands up and admit that after this episode I have no idea what she's playing at. I think she was fishing to find out if and what o!Mark knows about "Gemma," and that's why she was asking about his OTC experience and bringing her up (and what would she do about it, if she knew what he knows?). But maybe she's also noticing the glitching (from when they were together and then on camera?), and she suspects something is up with his chip?

There's also the human element of having experienced love and a connection with his innie, as well, for sure. Again, there were parallels between innies and outies in this scene too. Their flirty banter over him meeting her father was so similar to the flirty banter over the car wash coupons. And OMG that "you'd be the first" line. That's one of those statements like "I didn't like who I was on the outside", where I think some truth slips inside the lie. Yes, it was banter, but I also think that, while I don't subscribe to the "Helena was a virgin before Mark" theory (I mean, I can't rule it out but I mostly highly doubt it), her never having a chance at a relationship in her entire life? That I can buy 100%.

I expect a ton of drama and angst next episode with what's happening to Mark's brain. First of all, how is he even going to go into work? Is he even going to wake up by next episode or slip into some kind of coma? And how much will Helly freak out if he doesn't come into work the day after they have become officially an item? Then again, there's that scene with them holding hands and Mark having what looks like a bloody sleeve, so maybe he will be fine and come into work but the glitching and bleeding will get worse?

I also have more thoughts about the Gemma stuff more broadly, but that's for another post.

[heyclickadee]

More Massive Fandom Salt under the cut

If I see one more condescending post about how people who don’t like Tech getting killed off just don’t get it, I’m going to mcfreaking lose it.

Like, okay. I think Tech is alive. I think I’ve been clear about that. If I haven’t, then I don’t know what else to do. I actually even get why taking him off the board for season three could be a good move (give Crosshair time to decompress and Omega time to come into her own and be the hero of her own show, while also maybe setting Tech up for another plot line to come later), and think it’s possible that bringing Tech back later could actually work much better than what I originally wanted to happen. In fact, if it really is a fake-out I think it’s kind of immaculate. And I still get angry reading those posts.

Because, first, a lot of people upset by the handling of Tech from “Plan 99” onwards are upset because Tech meant something to them. It goes a lot deeper than just losing your favorite character. Tech was a fantastic piece of autistic representation and losing that hurt. Losing that and then never getting the catharsis that comes with on-screen emotional processing from the characters, no closure, no real in-show impact besides inconveniencing the others hurt even more. It left a lot of autistic people in the fandom feeling like we were told that we weren’t welcome in Star Wars at all.

And most of us still love the show! The Bad Batch is still my favorite show and I adore basically the entire thing up through season three, right up to the point where everything just kind of stops without resolving anything but Hunter and Omega, and not getting Tech back before the end hit me so badly that I almost dropped Star Wars completely. People are upset for a reason.

Second, I get that it can be annoying seeing criticism of your favorite show. I do. I actually disagree with a lot of criticism of TBB and do tend to get a little annoyed at certain takes. The other thing about the “Tech’s dead and that’s good”/“You thought Tech could come back because you were delusional” posts that makes me want to fight everyone, though, is that they tend to be incredibly dismissive. They’ll bring up arguments people made during the airing of the show for why Tech could come back, or arguments they made afterwards for why they thought he should have, and then either misunderstand or talk right past them.

It gives anyone who made those arguments, or who was upset by the ending, a general sense that we’re not being listened to. That people have already decided we’re irrational and that nothing we say or experience matters, that we saw patterns that weren’t there, or that we care too much about this specific thing, or that we’re being immature. Maybe. Just. I don’t know—consider for a second that a lot of the people who are most upset about Tech belong to the noticing patterns/caring a lot about specific things/dismissed for noticing things that are really there in real life/frequently infantilized neurotype. Again, there’s a reason some of us are upset and having a hard time with fandom right now.

I actually don’t have a problem with people thinking or making posts saying someone needed to die or that Tech “dying” was well handled as a death. I will always disagree, and I think we’re too close to the “bury your disabled” trope with most of the batchers for me to be okay with any of them dying like that, but one person will interpret fiction differently than another and I can’t and shouldn’t police that. I do, however, have a massive problem with the condescending way a lot of those posts go about it. Think Tech ought to be dead? Fine. Call anyone who thinks otherwise a child? Instablock, I don’t need that in my life.

[remusawoooo]

came across a very lame and obviously unoriginal anti-w0lfstar post that was written to uplift pr0ngsf0ot claiming canon plausibility as the reason. (honestly, pr0ngsf0ot is compelling by itself idk this new surge of remus/w0lfstar hate but wtv- they are fictional so you do you ig)

*censoring cause i dont want this post to clog up shipper space, its not for that.

this is a rant post so feel free to skip but know that none of this is ever directed to my lovely mutuals. i am usually the type to block and move if you genuinely annoy me (which you all dont <3)

so, a hot take: Sirius is really not as obsessed with James as you all make it out to be, in canon.

is that his best friend? absolutely

did he love him very much? duh

was he devoted or wanted to dedicate his life to James? that's where you lose me icl

if anything James was more interested in entertaining sirius, in the one prominent memory we see of them. there is enough context clues and testimonies to conclude that they were very close. and this is what interested me to ship and explore their dynamic (not a post to say you can only ship with canon hints. im just talking within the topic of my rant lol). there is only one person sirius shows utmost devotion to and that's Harry. that's his godSON, his heir and honestly his everything post Halloween.

it is entirely surprising to me how definitive sirius // james shippers sound when they claim it would be more or most canon. both r/s and j/s operate on the same level of delusion and are informed by canon. yes, I think there is a great possibility in canon that sirius was into james- i love the appeal of pining and even heartbreak if not reciprocated. (I also accept this pining and heartbreak in remus//james if anyone is into that wink wink) similarly, I think that remus and sirius could be romantic starting anywhere in the timeline. a boyish sweet love or secret longing and heartbreak or coming together in their tragedy as adults. endless possibilities, it seems, for all of them.

Anyway, back to the point of this post. its insane to me when w0lfstar in particular gets pushback with emphasis on canon like there isn't chemistry and history between them right on the pages. its not a magnified reading. its there. in their dialogue, their physicality and its Harry clocking all of this. these are two alive and kicking characters in the books that shippers read. idek how many times this has to be said. people genuinely believed this relationship would lead to queer representation in the book, explicit or implied. people did not have hindsight, believed jkr to be a better person lmao. you don't have to accept this reading but you also cannot be so narrow that you refuse to see this reading as a valid experience for other people.

once again, you don't have to ship w0lfstar. at all. maybe the popularity and general hype is the annoying part. there are many reasons to not engage with new age w0lfstar shippers btw. but god this "stanning fictional characters" or hating one immensely for the benefit of another, unironically, is so corny. giving stan twt like what imaginary competition is happening?

another thing that ticks me off is the notion that w0lfstar are not close at all. yeah, i do complex magic to help out people i don't really like for the hell of it as well. ik there will be some justification to those who want to prove their point by any means. "sirius is smart so he wanted to do advanced magic" "he actually did it for james" or wtv else comes up. idk how to tell you that marauders are friends first of all. yes, james and sirius are closer but there is no hierarchy with remus. he is not as close obviously, but he is also on the edges by all of their character designs. sirius, in his recounts, never talks of remus as someone below him or largely excluded, just as someone who was conforming, compliant and the "good boy". it is also quite clear in their communication that they were good friends. james first befriended the quiet kid cause he liked him, supported him financially because that is his good friend. he did not act out of pity. that is a great disservice to his character as well.

this is my personal take/opinion. sirius would obviously mention his relationship with james to harry and not remus' and his friendship. i don't think remus and sirius were secretly closer btw, but it is a bit odd that w0lfstar shippers are expected to write james as the #1 priority for sirius when they are not the focus?(this is a very small group of people btw, miniscule in fact. i'm just ranting to rant, not a larger problem) ig my first hot take comes down to this too. you can interpreted the text as you want and that is okay. you can read sirius as obsessed with james but it is not canon. so to dunk on other shippers when they don't share the sentiment is?? mind you, i am well aware of w0lfstar shippers sidelining or flanderizing james in their interpretations and have ranted about that too many times not that that's relevant here. just pointed out in case anyone misinterprets lol

ship anything man idc but saying w0lfstar has no canon support or to insinuate that w0lfstar shippers are shipper pilled (this made me laugh, what are you doing at the coven meeting friend?) is a bit ?? my point, if there is any, hypocrites piss me off or maybe its the lack of self-awareness? how to interpret the dynamics, character reactions in au, canon divergence, fiction is really all up to you. you can honestly remove remus and replace him with gilderoy lockhart in the marauders for all i care, its fictional. but you can't bring up canon and say something blatantly false to rag on shippers of a ship you don't like. that's just silly now. extremely condescending as well.

[videogamesincolor]

Clair Obscur: "The Petite Bourgeoisie are at it again, folks."

Yeah, all of this turning out to be an episode of family feud and a bad ethics experiment is monumentally disappointing, honestly.

Everything that I said at the top of my first impression was turned on its head.

What seemed like a story of collective power working toward a better future and protecting future generations is re-contextualized as the transgressions of an incredibly wealthy family from the 1700s (give or take) on fictional characters mourning the death of their son, killed in a house fire. The house fire started over what might be a beef between magical painters and writers who literally create worlds on their preferred medium.

If the game started like that, I probably wouldn't be as interested, but less annoyed with the storytelling.

Lumiere and the Shattered World of France are the creation of a woman subsumed with grief. A canvas keeps the world alive on which the sliver of the dead son's soul (and ideas) remains, desperately searching for an escape from the undead limbo. To add insult to injury, the mother creates a facsimile of her son, who can age and looks the most like a knock-off Final Fantasy character out of all the cast.

The deaths that progress with each declining age group are caused by her husband, trapped and held back, fighting to erase the world hoping to get her to face the reality that (1) their son is dead and is never coming back, (2) she needs healthier coping mechanisms.

Hiding the canvas won't do much good to keep the mother out (she always finds it). Still, when their youngest daughter, scarred by the house fire (without the ability to speak) and apparently implicated in the death/murder of the favored son, accidentally loses herself in the fantasy, we end up with the events of the game. The story of many expeditions fighting to stop 'The Paintress' from stealing their lives so that they can live and die on their own terms.

But, as pieces of fiction, they're at the mercy of the whims of a creator who can decide whether they get to live or die. To a degree, their personhood is null, and this does not differ from trying to bargain with the New Testament "God". They'll get back to you in 365 business days. Maybe.

And in the end, it just becomes a backdrop for a family I don't particularly care for or care to empathise with. It stops being about the people of Lumiere. The people of Lumière become an ethical exercise for a bickering family. And thus goes any grace I gave the game.

As we progress toward the end of the game, the tonal shifts (thankfully) diminish. The last time it truly happens is with the character Monoco, who, for some reason, gets an acid jazz battle theme. Thankfully, there are fewer opportunities for side quests and silly paint-brush people. Following Gustave's death, which hits appropriately because of the game's initial impressions, we're introduced to his replacement: Verso, the 'Stranger' who has a past with Renoir and is helping the surviving expedition. The game spends a lot of time making this character integral to the game, more so than Gustave.

Off rip, I don't care about Verso. He is totally devoid of anything close to interesting and is blander than French bread. Lune and Sciel basically take a backseat to him in a way they didn't to Gustave. This is primarily to build on a dynamic between Verso and Maelle (whom I also dislike).

The narrative also shifts much of the weight onto Maelle, who spends most of the game's back end disoriented and experiencing flashbacks that outright say she's related to Verso and Renoir. "To the point, please," I found myself saying a lot.

And then they do get to the point, and to reiterate: Everything I said at the top of my first impression is turned on its head.

The twist reveal? It ultimately becomes an entirely different game and renders a good chunk of the first half meaningless. The game indulges in the idea of resurrecting many of the dead characters toward the end of the game, and does in at least in one ending: "Maelle's ending".

An ending that, for all intents and purposes, rejects the wishes of the sister's facsimile brother (who doesn't want to exist any longer) and makes the soul fragment of her brother (who doesn't want to paint anymore) continue to maintain the wonderland she wants to stay in.

It is straight-up nightmare fuel, if I do say so myself. It is the opposite of Still Wakes the Deep, where many players thought the protagonist would escape by any means necessary, but eventually learned he wouldn't.

Reintroducing the people of Lumiere as mere paintings is a problem. There isn't enough time or interest to argue for or against their personhood in a fashion that doesn't hinge on Maelle's story being a necessity vs. what they were fighting for. Focusing on the torrid family drama of denial vs. acceptance, their revelation as figments minimizes their individual significance to the story to fodder. They become plot devices; Gustave's death means nothing in the grand scheme.

As an apparent meditation on grief and acceptance/non-acceptance of death, or even the rejection/acceptance of personhood (if you can be bothered), it's not quite as bad as "It was a dream all along", but neither is quite as interesting as "The Matrix is a system, Neo". The expressions of survival by all the characters in the game, oblivious to their nature or not, are instead expressions of grief from a single family. From Maelle and her mother, fighting to prevent Renoir (her father) from destroying the brother/son's (Verso) canvas. To Renoir playing the role of Sisyphus.

"Maelle's ending" sees Renoir eventually give up the ghost of trying to save his family from their collective grief and leaves his daughter to her devices. She consistently proves him right when she refuses the wishes of her brother's dual identities. The "Verso ending", in which Renoir and his family cannot avoid Verso's death and similar outcomes, also means Lumiere's people still face misfortune.

Does this mean they'll process and accept it? Considering what they can do and how they treat each other, I doubt it. Again, the issue with the storytelling is how radically the family and Maelle alter the perspective of the narrative.

A perspective that doesn't align with themes of collective power, but an individual right to comfort in denial (be it of life or reality).

Which, I guess, works for the gaming community previously mentioned in the first impressions post. Like, shit.

Out of everyone, Clea (the oldest daughter who barely figures into the story) and Renoir sounded like the only family members with a genuine grasp on their emotions (and reality), or at least the most willing to confront them. Regardless of your ending, both feel less like a villain and more like people who got stuck cleaning up someone else's mess.

Renoir feels less motivated by self-delusion than Maelle and his wife, who know the dangers, but are content with satisfying themselves at the expense of their brother/son's soul (be it a literal or metaphorical sense).

The reveal that the people in Lumiere are ultimately pieces of fiction minimized the emotional Investment in the game. It was hard to feel bad about their demise or eventual disappearance. The game stopped caring itself.

Lastly, I was not a fan of the soundtrack. There was a lot about it that felt like it was telling me what to feel versus allowing me to experience the moment with it.

Overall, not a terrible game, but also one that just turned out to be okayish.

[pawsometoons]

Edit: PLEASE LOOK AT, READ, AND REBLOG THE LINKED POST FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE

I know I usually don't post about stuff like this. But I'm spreading this over to Tumblr to make absolutely sure that everyone in the NiGHTS and Balan fandoms here know this information

I was a victim of Elfie's a while back last year. Both me and a close friend were victims.

At the time, neither of us knew things were this bad. But now I'm releived to know this information is out there and that server is gone for good. And hopefully, nobody will fall for her manipulation again.

CaptainElfie is also on tumblr. Make sure your steer clear of her and block her if you can.

I feel like, since I'm sharing this, I should also share me and my friend's part of the story

My friend doesnt have tumblr, but she is on Twitter (vibripple)

This was an incident from last year, but it's affected both of us pretty harshly. Especially Vib. Not to say we hadnt had a few questionable ordeals in the past. But I'm just going to explain what I can remember, since some of the information I've repressed for the sake of my mental stability.

For the small things, there were plenty of times where me and Vib didnt feel comfortable or safe in the server. Especially with us both being sex repulsed asexuals. Some of this behavior would be from other members of the server, which would never be pointed out or taken care of. And some of this behavior, Elfie had shown herself. Of course, she attempted to show that she cared about mine and Vib's boundaries. But she simply wasnt trying hard enough, since some other members still were pretty icky. Even in VRChat meetings too. Another thing being, both me and Vib had noticed, Elfie never acted very mature at all. She rarely ever took responsibility or tried to act civil in problematic situations.

And then theres the incident that was in the nail in the coffin for us both. It was just after the Monay vs. Fame vs. Love SPLATFEST in Splatoon 3. Both me and Vib were present in it, confident that we would win. Up until the end where Team Money won. Both me and Vib were devastated. Especially since we both associated the splatfest with a comfort character. And seeing we lost, it felt like we let said character down. Especially me. And though, of course, we were aware that yes it's a fictional character, but that didn't stop us from being upset. But elfie took things too far when she took an already bad day and made it absolutely worse. Elfie saw our behavior that day and our massive disappointment in the splatfest results and had the audacity to pull us both into a group chat with another member and act "worried" about our behavior. Again, we were just very upset at the loss of a splatfest that we were positive we were gonna win in, and again, associated with a comfort character. End of story. Or at least we wished it was. Then Elfie went even further to accuse both me AND Vib of being parasocial because of our behavior towards not only the splatfest, but our comfort characters too. Now, Vib has this thing, where she really likes Reala. I have this thing where I really like Judgement Boy. I call Judgement Boy my son, she calls Reala her bff. We BOTH are completely aware that they are both fictional characters and arent real, as much as we wish they were. And yet, here was Elfie, "worrying" about us like we're those tiktok teens who believe in quantum jumping or whatever it's called. We are both grown adults with of course one or two mental disabilities at best. But we are not that mentally ill. During this time, me and Vib could barely speak. We were both having straight up panic attacks on call may I mind you. And Elfie has the gall to try and force us onto VRChat to speak to her about this. In which neither of us had the energy or mental capacity to do at the time because, again, we were both having fully blown panic attacks. Both me and Vib have some pretty bad trauma when it comes to being confronted about things that arent true about us or thing we never even did. What makes this worse, is that I can say for almost everybody in that server, that they've had comfort characters aswell. HELL, there was one member who's status said things about being in love with Reala. Now I'm not against fictional crushes, or those who have F/Os and such. But for me and Vib, we had nothing close to that! Or at least not to that extent. Especially since Vib didnt even have a fictional crush on her comfort character. She saw Reala as a best friend. But again, being fully aware that Reala is a fictional character. So it was basically on the same lines, just not in the exact same way. And THAT user never got called out for it! THEY never got put on the spot in a private gc and being told they're parasocial for it! And all while this was happening, one of my partners, bless his soul, went out of his way to speak to Elfie for us. Which is when we found out that Elfie didnt care as much about us as we thought she did. She claimed that she didnt like our behavior despite us being some of the more normal users in that server, and even had the audacity to call some of our other close friends that we even had invited into the VRChat group gatherings as annoying. It was a whole mess that I regret having one of my partners get involved with, but I am forever grateful for him to have gotten that information for us. So after that incident, we began slowly distancing ourselves from the group and the server. Slowly started blocking people, leaving and blocking the vrchat group, and soon after, blocking Elfie and leaving the server for good.

Things didn't stop right away though. We still kept in touch with a few users who remained in the server, but at least accepted our decision to leave. Some have even stated that Elfie and some of the others "missed us" or "hoped we were okay" which neither of us believed for a second. Elfie herself even tried to pull in one of our close friends who she had as I stated prior, called him annoying. As he states, she said something along the lines of not knowing when she called him annoying and wanted him to join her server. In which, yeah, he didn't fall for that either.

Most of the other members of that server probably don't even know what happened that day. But if you're seeing this and remember us from that server.. well.. now you do.

But I do wish for everyone else who was in this situation aswell to heal. Their experiences should have to be heard too and not just mine. So many more people were hurt by Elfie than just me and you all should listen to them too.

[lynnlovesthestars]

The veil, chapter 1.

Astarion x oc (@wisterialynn)

Fluff, little angsty at the end but not too much.

AN: I'm aliveee this is finally chaoter one of the veil, ive been working on it for a while, i wrote it like 4 times before being satisfied with it ngl, but here it is..

for those who missed the intro, you can find it here.

The picture is a render i made in blender of astarion n lynn

The ‘poor vampire in need of a cuddle’ sat with arms wide open, and despite the bite being real, everything was too good to be true? How often do you hear of waking up next to the man of your dreams? And a fictional man at it? NEVER. Lynn was not going to believe it until he’s sure he’s not delusional, and even if it was real, there was still a major problem that needed to be addressed. He couldn’t just close an eye on it, it felt.. wrong.

“You don't know me” He sighed, Astarion was in a game, where his actions were controlled by someone else, him. A game where he was stripped of his free will- do characters in games even understand the concept of free will? But nevertheless, he didn’t know anything about him, the one Astarion fell for.. Was not real, Lynn was different from the game Lynn, so different. Starting from the fact that game-Lynn is tall, muscular, and Lynn was actually barely taller than Astarion, and lean, definitely not jacked like Lynn though. 

As he sat there overthinking he realized how even in his brain this was confusing, so many Lynns, and such a small brain Lynn had.

“I know you enough” Astarion’s demeanor relaxed, his eyes softened as if in understanding of his point, yet still holding that fondness you’d expect from a lover. It made Lynn’s heart soft, so soft he could have almost ignored the problem, if it wasn’t for the guilt that would haunt him for lying to him.

“But what you felt, the person you met.. that Lynn is not me.” He lowered his eyes nervously, fidgeting with his hands.

Astarion leaned forward, his hand cupped Lynn’s cheek and gently guided his head to look up at him, his look expectant. “I know, but I heard you.. your laugh, your rambling, I heard you cry.. and I'm pretty sure I heard you please yourself-.” He grabbed Lynn's hand with his free one to kiss the back of it, nonchalantly ignoring the last bit of his admission.

‘You heard me what?!’ Lynn gasped shocked, yet stopped before he could ask for more details.

“The point is, now I have all the time in the universe to get to know you.” He smiled tenderly- a new habit he had developed just because of Lynn- in those hours when he’d ramble to someone else, or when he’d sit commenting as he went through the story- as he traced the swell of Lynn’s cheek. “I want to experience all that I missed..” He admitted taken over by the need to open his heart to him. “I want to live it all with you, again and I want to get to know you like you know me.” His claw trailed at last, following the ever so soft path traced by the pad of his finger as Astarion kissed his temple. “I want to see your smiles, I want to kiss you so bad I've never felt like this before.. I just want the chance to love you like you and I deserve.” He confessed at last while for a moment, he had almost swore he heard his dead heart pound in his chest.

It was a lot to take in for Lynn, all his life everything was so ordinary, boring even, so this chance to live something unique.. Was too good to be true. He couldn’t help his pessimism from ebbing through. 

“What if I'm not as you expected? What if I'm underwhelming? Life here.. is much more boring.. I am much more boring” He lowered his eyes ashamed. He dreamt to be his for weeks, no months, he’d wake up sobbing and alone wishing to be enough for that kind of love that went above and beyond.

“Maybe I need some boring” Astarion gently brushed the stray tear that cascaded down Lynn’s cheek so quickly he swore it was almost a reflex. “We don’t need to rush this, just like you taught me” He smiled as he kissed the tip of his nose. 

“I mean, I didn’t-” Lynn was cut off before he could say more. “No, no, I remember your voice..” He pointed at him with his head. “..you went on a pretty long monologue on ‘how you wished you could actually remind me that there’s no rush, and how you wished you’d be by my side all the way” He nodded proudly as he paraphrased the words he had heard through the veil. Lynn couldn’t help but chuckle at his memory, the monologue in question still  imprinted in his mind- since he had bored one of his friends about it- as Astarion instead was staring at his lips. “Can I kiss you..?” He whispered as he resisted the urge to just do it, to kiss him. To do it desperately, sloppy, uncalculated.

Lynn didn't know how to put into words his insecurities, what words would properly say ‘people like me don’t often kiss so, i apologize if i barely know what i'm doing’, whatever he could come up with sounded pretty lame. “I haven't kissed in a while” He admitted ashamed, shaking his head. What he didn’t know was that Astarion didn’t care, he barely knew what he was doing himself- in a different universe and with the emotional stability of a log.

“It's okay.. we can fix that” Astarion hummed.

Lrynn's touch was gentle, shaky almost as he cupped Astarion's cheek, his eyes tracing the path from Astarion's nose to his lips as if he had never seen him before, and he finally understood what they meant when in books they mentioned the butterflies. He could feel that sensation rising deep in his stomach as he was so close to him, so close from kissing him.

His thumb swiped his cheek gently as the other arm wrapped around the vampire's middle, they were on their knees, in front of each other, one still completely dressed while the other sat only on his shirt, all over the place.

"You are even more breathtaking up close" Lynn murmured as he leaned forward, brushing his nose with Astarion's, hesitant to close the distance between them.

"I wish I could put into words what I'm feeling right now" Astarion whispered as he took the lead, his lips pressing softly against Lynn’s while his hand cupped his cheek.

It was maddening how they were deprived of the feeling for so long, how their lips chased each other for more.

One single, gentle kiss quickly turned into a lot of small, desperate ones which became gasps for air as they desperately held onto each other.

They barely understood how they ended up laying, Astarion’s clothes mostly discarded as their shirts and undergarments were only left. “You are mine, you understand?” Astarion kissed his neck, his cold tongue trailing to his collarbone as he had to resist the urge to bite down on the supple flesh of his shoulder.

“Y-yes” Lynn whimpered under the vampire’s skilled touch.

“Good, my sweet” Astarion purred as he reluctantly pulled back, pulling the other down with him under the duvet. “Much better” Astarion hummed as he relished the feeling of the head pressed against his chest, and the warm body enveloping him instead of the unnecessarily heavy pieces of armor.

God knows how long they laid there in silence. Lynn could feel it deep in his bones that he was going to wake up any time soon.

“Tell me of this world” Astarion broke the silence of the barely lit room.

“Well vampires don’t exist here, and neither does magic” He thinks out loud. “Wait” A sudden idea floated in his brain.. If vampires don’t exist.. Could it be..?  The idea of being able to treasure this moment forever makes the butterflies in Lynn’s stomach erupt happily.

The human reaches to his nightstand, his phone reading ‘7 am’ as he unlocks the device. His cheeks flush deeply as he has to old back from staring at his lockscreen. 

“What’s that?” Astarion asks, confused as he follows the other movements, curious of the device in his hands. 

“This is a phone, you can talk to people with it, and go on the internet, and take pictures with it” He explains as he quickly looks for his camera app. “See, i want to remember this forever, but i don’t know if it’ll work” He drops the phone on his chest before taking a peak, wanting to find out if it worked right there with Astarion.

“I suppose but whatever it is, it can't hurt to try..”

“You are right “ He smiles as he picks up the phone again and looks at the screen.

“Ah it’s that man again” Astarion scoffs as he takes a better look at the screen where the same face as the lock screen shows up, this time dressed- or rather undressed differently. “Do you have a boyfriend or something?” He grasps at Lynn’s wrist, jealousy bubbling in his stomach at the thought as he goes back to ignore the screen.

“You are an idiot, you know?” Lynn laughs as he realizes what was happening. “Can we focus on what we were doing?” He asks, trying to keep his laughter down.

“Sure” He scoffs. “What are we doing?” He asks as Lynn lifts up his phone again, this time met with the image of that man and Lynn way too close for the vampire’s taste.

“It's called a picture, it's like a painting but taken instantly, and here..” Lynn raises his free hand to point at the screen, where the image mimics his movements perfectly. “You can see the outcome” He smiles, astonished at the image displayed, at the way Astarion’s locks and Lynn’s mixed on the pillow, how slowly Astarion’s eyes widened as he sat up, his nose impossibly close to the screen as the shutter sound echoed in the room before Astarion could understand completely.

“Is that..?” He asked as he tapped on the screen, amazed how the figure in the silly machine would follow him almost instantly. Magic if Lynn didn’t already tell him there was no such thing there.

“Yes love…” Lynn smiled as he gave the vampire all the time he needed.

He was astounded, speechless even as he noticed the way his ears twitched and reddened, his eyes fell on his fangs, so many times he tried to understand how sharp they were, yet nothing compared to how they looked, so polished despite never sharpening them. The fangs that sunk in so many animals, and so many times in the throats of evil creatures since he had met tav.

Then he locked eyes with himself, a shiver ran down his spine. Those were the piercing eyes with which he seduced men and women of all kind all over the gates, those were the eyes kids would be scared of at night, those were the eyes that no one in the gates would ever miss.

It was imperceptible the change in the vampire, yet Lynn couldn’t help but notice how his lips suddenly curled down.

“Star?” He called unsure, what if it was all too much for him? What if he saw something he disliked? What if? It was something  his mind couldn’t stop.

“Sorry, I got mesmerized by the handsome fellow in there” He lied.

[zeldasgard]

Why I was frequently gone

As you might have noticed I am not as frequently active as I once was when starting posting my art online a while back. I have never stopped drawing though, just I never posted some things or posted them way later. The reason behind it was fear.

The thing is… despite claiming since forever that I don’t care anymore what people think of me and that it’s been a while I have grown past that… deep down, I do.

The truth is that it is my love for a fictional character that started my art journey. Yes guys, it is Vaati that made me pick up the pencil. I feel like this is shamed a lot, when truly anything is good to get you started on your own path. This is also why my « yumeship » or whichever you wish to call it (I am myself not fond of labels, I only find a use for them to find like minded people and even so a lot of luck is needed because of how misused some are) is so important to me and a part of who I am. This is also why I keep drawing Vaati over and over. It is what got me started but also what keeps me going. And it goes well beyond Vaati. The Minish Cap was my first Zelda game and what re-introduced my depressed self to the fantasy genre, which led to important choices in my real life.

I am still deeply scarred by some things I have been put through because of false assumptions about my character because of my love for him and reduced to a flat, one dimensional image of "if she is like xxx/, isn't comfortable with xxx then she must be yyy!!!". I have been bullied for it on social media a little while ago and deeply wounded. I am scared now that anyone getting too close to me would judge me or hurt me again for something that is… harmless. Many times I do want to show more of my person and interests but those bad experiences made me very anxious about social media and personal one on one online interactions. One big issue with social media, and not only for the topic of “loving a fictional character” is that it is so easy to judge or assume who someone is based on their feed or one façade that they decide to show about themselves. We tend to forget that there are full complex living beings behind usernames, with way more going on in their lives than the breadcrumbs of it that they post on social media. No, I am not "delulu" about Vaati, yes I have a social life and I even have so many hobbies that it would be too long to list them all. I could yap all day about metal music, Tolkien's Legendarium, astrophysics... But this is not what most here follow me for.

There are some times when I want to rebrand, forget and leave everything behind. But that would be making choices motivated by fear and I do not want that for me anymore. Not everyone out there is an unstable bully after all.

This post already went far beyond what I originally intended it to. I originally wanted to share what I had learnt, what I am learning in order to make my artworks, my inspirations and all that, but clearly some things go way beyond art itself. Also to address my social media anxiety because of the experiences I mention here, and I fear that I couldn’t do that without giving all this larger context.

I now hope that with these small tickets that I plan on sharing (although this one isn’t but shhhh), I can slowly gain back some trust in social media and humankind in general and actually take pleasure again in sharing my art with you all. I actually like Tumblr as a platform and honestly I cannot wait to post all these artworks I have been holding back on.

Peace ☮️