#and I have no life outside of work because I fucking work 6 days per week. And my friends are sick of hearing me bitch about it all

[benechillax]

i think i’m approaching terminal burnout

[sarahjtv]

My Hero Academia is Officially Ending and I'm Fucking Coping 😭

So, it was officially announced early today, June 24th, 2024, by Shueshia and mangaka, Kohei Horikoshi, that My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia will officially end in 5 chapters on Chapter 430. The last chapter will be released at the beginning of August after 10 years of publication in Weekly Shonen Jump magazine if all goes well.

I woke up to this news. I'm sitting here on my laptop typing this as a way of coping tbh. On the outside, I'm numb and stunned. On the inside, I'M SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP, MOURNING LIKE I LOST A LOVED ONE WTF 😭

*sigh* But, this was going to happen eventually. It was only a matter of when. When Horikoshi said that we would have more epilogue to cover, I thought "Maybe he'll give us 10 more chapters!" Turns out it is 6-7 chapters instead... In Horikoshi's defense, 6-7 chapters are much longer than what most mangaka have given us for epilogues to their stories. I'd rather have him give us 5 more chapters of an epilogue than rush it in 1-2. Plus, if possible, we could potentially get 19-20 pages per chapter which might be just enough to wrap everything up. And since final chapters of manga tend to be longer than usual, we could get extra pages in the last chapter to finish everyone's arcs and the story properly.

Still, it's so wild to see a series I have loved for years and have such a strong attachment to end as I am following it. I have been a part of many fandoms before and have stuck around them for years (Pokémon, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, and many more), but it's not often that I've been there there to see a series come to it's conclusion. Sometimes that can turn out well (Breaking Bad) and other times I've seen it end badly (Supernatural; only read about it and it was not great. I bounced after season 13? and I am so sorry to the fandom). My Hero Academia is one of the very few series I will see through to the end.

I'm really coping here, honestly. I've been a fan of My Hero Academia since 2018. I first heard about the series randomly through the internet, but I didn't fully introduce myself to it until I listened to a cover of The Day on YouTube (I forget the artist, I'm so sorry). I thought the song was so cool and that led to me listening to more covers of MHA OPs (Peace Sign is still GOATed btw). This eventually led me to the manga and the anime where I became truly immersed in the series. I started reading the manga around the Joint Training Arc (I think) which was definitely an interesting time to read the manga because the chapters where so short due to Horikoshi dealing with health and I think moving conflicts at the time. It was still an enjoyable arc and enough to keep me interested in reading from the beginning. I want to say I started the anime around season 3?, but I started at the beginning and worked my way up from there. "Shoto Todoroki: Origin" was the episode that finally solidified my love for the series and is still my favorite episode of the series.

To say that MHA has an important place in my heart is an understatement. (⚠️Warning: very quick mention of suicide) I was very sad and depressed in the latter half of 2018. My life didn't feel like it was going anywhere and I was close to giving up entirely. (⚠️ ). Finding and loving MHA during that time honestly might have saved my life. As strange as it sounds, it was one of the few things that brought me genuine happiness at the time. I had something to look forward to every week and it was thrilling. I still remember debating whether Deku or Shoto was my favorite character. Shoto took the top spot in my heart, but Deku is a very close second 🩵💚.

Seeing MHA end is heartbreaking, honestly. I'm watching something I truly love come to an end. We'll still have the anime, movies, and spin-off series to keep us busy for the next few years, but the manga that started it all is coming to a close. It feels so, so surreal. God, is this how the Haikyuu fandom felt when it’s manga ended? My hope is that this fandom can be kept alive long after the series is over. The MHA fandom DEFINITELY has it's flaws, but it also has a lot of good in it too. I have seen incredible art and fanfics come from this fandom. I have laughed and hyped up some of the best moments of MHA with people who love it too. I know that the fandom is collectively mourning its end and I know we'll all cry bittersweet tears when it ends. If anything, I am glad to see Kohei Horikoshi end his momentous story on his own terms. I hope it ends up being one of the best manga endings in recent Shonen Jump like how Haikyuu's was. I think Horikoshi can do it. Regardless of how it ends, My Hero Academia will be one of my favorite pieces of fiction. I am really glad to be here to celebrate it.

[didgeriduwu]

Chapters: 6/?

Fandom: Team Fortress 2

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2) Characters: Scout (Team Fortress 2), Sniper (Team Fortress 2), Medic (Team Fortress 2), Spy (Team Fortress 2), Scout’s Mother (Team Fortress 2), Other Character Tags to Be Added

Additional Tags: Trans Scout (Team Fortress 2), Trans Male Scout (Team Fortress 2), Trans Male Character, Tokophobia Warning, Pregnancy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mpreg, (i guess it depends on your definition), Emotionally Repressed Sniper (Team Fortress 2), oh god just communicate you fucks, Established Relationship, Situationship?, Spy is Scout’s Parent (Team Fortress 2), no beta I have no friends, Medic is a cunt i love him, Scout’s Ma is the best, Discussion of Abortion, Unplanned Pregnancy, almost forgot that one

Summary: Sniper and Scout’s relationship is in limbo, and neither seems to know if or how to fix it. Unexpected news finally forces a change, but whether it’ll be for better or for worse is anyone’s guess.

TWs for this one:

Graphic description of injuries on a pregnant person (not to fetus or belly, but to other areas of the body)

Risk of death for pregnant person

Violence/combat

When the sound of distant gunfire told him that the team was in a battle, Mick wasn’t perturbed. Their contracts meant that any weekday and up to four weekend days per calendar year were fair game for a fight to be scheduled, so Mick had been aware he might return in the middle of one. He’d factored that possibility into his plans.

Mick stepped out of the cab of his campervan and set off for Resupply. He’d simply wait outside Respawn until Jeremy came through, or until the game was over, whichever came first. Mick was a patient man - it was part of what made him a good sniper - and besides, God knew he probably needed the time to practice what he was going to say.

What he found at Respawn, Mick could never have prepared for.

“A man’s life is at stake goddamn it! We need a ceasefire! Now!” Engie was elbow-deep in the guts of the respawn machine, shouting into a radio handset pressed between his ear and shoulder. “Don’t you put me on hold, son. No listen here, you-” Engie suddenly snatched the radio out of the crook of his neck and hurled it into the floor. “Son of a bitch!”

The handset clattered across the ground until it knocked against the toe of Mick’s boot. The abrupt stop must have caught the Texan’s attention because he looked up.

Engineer didn’t bother with pleasantries when he saw Mick, he just explained that something was wrong. That someone had tampered with Respawn, damaged a save and triggered a security lockdown. That Jeremy couldn’t respawn.

The knowledge made Mick’s bones lock tight, sent his stomach roiling.

Jeremy was in danger.

Jeremy might die.

Mick’s heart beat a frantic tattoo, his brain in chorus: Not again. Not again. Not again. The truce Mick had made with his brain while he was gone was suddenly nothing but rubble and ash. His van was parked right outside the front entrance; the keys burnt a hole in his pocket. It would be so simple to just leave again, to get in his van and drive until the base faded into hazy distance. Until New Mexico was just a shape on a map that might have meant something to him once.

And if Jeremy died out there, Mick wouldn’t have to know.

His hand slipped into his pocket. Mick’s fingers grazed his keys, but he also felt something else. Something smooth and cubic, and so, so special.

And then he was tearing open his locker and grabbing his rifle.

Mick’s lungs burned from more than just the exertion and he thanked God the old mate had seen fit to give him long legs. He loped along, stopping only long enough to quick scope anyone who threatened to halt his advance. A glimmer of blue here, the quiet sound of a minigun revving there. Mick reacted on instinct, relying thoughtlessly on skills honed by long hours of practice. It was easy this way, lost in the physicality of it all, not to think about the terror. It was there, though, thrumming quietly underneath, waiting to overwhelm him if only he paid it too much mind.

A shadow flitted across his vision, and Mick looked to his left, ready to fire.

“Sniper! Vhat are you doing here?” It was Medic. Behind him stood Heavy.

“Where’s Jeremy?” Mick barked.

“He vent ahead, like alvays! Wass ist-”

“Respawn! Its broken. His... his file is corrupted. Engie said...” Mick couldn’t finish. He swallowed pathetically against the bile rising in his throat, hoping that Medic would see the terror in his eyes and understand.

Medic’s shock turned sour.  “Mein gott, he…”

For a moment despair clouded them both. It was paralysing, killing all sound and movement but the desperate gasps still erupting from deep in Mick’s chest.

It was Heavy who broke the spell. His large hand landed on Mick’s shoulder. “We will find him,” he said simply before turning to Medic. “Come, Doktor.”

Heavy started off first, but Mick quickly overtook him as they charged down the long corridor, looking for any sign of the runner. Mick barely registered their presence behind him, intent as he was on finding Jeremy. Their low voices barely filtered through his ears as they spoke through their comms. Somewhere along the way Soldier and Demo filed in behind them. Then Engineer. Mick didn’t ask about respawn, the simple shake of the Texan’s head was enough to tell him what he needed to know

They reached the end of the hallway and someone’s hand on his shoulder pushed Mick to the right. He bounded down a flight of stairs to the sound of venting flames, praying whatever pyro he was running towards was on his team.

Red. Thank fuck.

Pyro gestured wildly when they saw him, whatever they were saying made more unintelligible than usual by the panic in their tone. Mick got the message, though: Go left.

Gunfire erupted from behind him as he turned, but Mick didn’t stop to look.

Jeremy was crumpled in the corner like a wet rag. He looked terrible, pale and drawn with crimson seeping through various spots onto his uniform. His eyes were glazed, and for one terrible moment Mick thought he was too late.

But then Jeremy blinked and a string of swears fell out of his mouth.

Mick dropped to his knees beside him. “Christ, you scared me, Jer.’

“I scared you?” Jeremy scoffed. “I thought I was frickin’ dead again for a second there.”

Mick didn’t reply, focusing instead on assessing Jeremy’s injuries. He took the runner’s head in shaking hands, tilting it as gently as he could from side to side looking for any sign of trauma. Satisfied, Mick unzipped Jeremy’s jacket and lowered his gaze to his neck and then shoulders. A wound bloomed from the skin of Jeremy’s clavicle like a morbid rosette, so close to the vulnerable flesh of his throat that Mick swallowed a gasp. It was from a shotgun, he would guess from the tiny pellets embedded in Jeremy’s flesh, but it wasn’t deep, and the flow of blood had already slowed to a dribble.

Mick’s eyes skimmed unseeing over Jeremy’s abdomen, opting to inspect the runner’s limbs instead. Jeremy’s arms were untouched, apart from a few small cuts and bruises, but his legs weren’t so lucky. Mick quickly lost count of just how many bullet holes there were, punched into the flesh of Jeremy’s legs. He traced the bloody constellations with wide eyes to where they ended at mid-thigh.

And then finally Mick ran out of places to examine, and he had no choice but to look at it. His gaze crawled upwards at a snail’s pace, slowly revealing Jeremy’s stomach inch by inch.

It was unharmed. They were unharmed.

Mick let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. His attention caught on the subtle rounding of Jeremy’s belly, just beginning to smooth the fabric of his t-shirt.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

Mick let out a startled half-laugh; only Jeremy would crack a joke like that at a time like this. He looked up, half-expecting to see the runner’s usual cheesy grin. Instead, he was met with anger.

Mick shouldn’t have expected anything else - didn’t deserve anything else, honestly – but there was something so incongruous about the look on Jeremy’s face. It felt wrong somehow, like scrawling a shopping list on a priceless work of art.

Jeremy’s mouth wasn’t made for that scowl, it was made for teasing and cursing and grinning a mile wide. His button nose was supposed to scrunch in laughter, not disgust. And his eyes…

The fury in Jeremy’s eyes was a molten thing, hot and shifting, but the crease in his brow was all sadness. Mick remembered wanting to smooth it out the last time they spoke; now he coaxed it flat it with shaky thumbs, palms placed gingerly against Jeremy’s temples.

I’m sorry, Mick thought. I’m so bloody sorry. But try as he might, they wouldn’t turn into real words.

And then Jeremy, true to form, spoke first. “Ya came back,” He whispered. The magma in his eyes cooled to glittering blue gemstone.

Mick’s chest ached. “I -”

It was at precisely that moment that Medic shoved Mick out of the way.

[diamondintherioux]

9/5/24

6 months post op

Well ladies and gentlemen, we made it. Six. Months. Post. Op. Wow. What a journey it has been. I feel like I’ve lived 3 different lives.

This new body has given me what I always knew I had, shape. Real feminine shape that makes clothes actually fit my body. It’s crazy to think how diet and exercise truly couldn’t give me this body. I feel like I’m a butterfly floating through life. My jean size is smaller than what I wore in high school (granted I do think sizes are “bigger” nowadays.)

It’s peak* week for me because next week I’m leaving for vacation but I’m already thinking about what I’m going to do when I come home. For the past decade, every winter no matter how hard I try I always gain 10 lbs lol then I spend the spring and summer trying to lose it. Rinse and repeat. This year will obviously be different. I have a plan. When I come back I’ll be wearing my faja 12 hrs a day (basically to curb my appetite from the compression.) I will up my personal training 2x a week. I want to do private Pilates classes 2x a week. I bought a walking pad so no excuses to not get 10k steps but in the winter I want to aim for 20k steps a day. Half inside half outside. After that is my meal plan. Prioritizing protein and water intake. I’ve been slacking as per usual lol my lack of protein amps up my sugar addiction to supplement for my hunger lol I know it’s not funny and actually fucked up. I blame my mother for not cooking when I was younger and subsequently not teaching me.

In addition to fitness and nutrition I need to unclutter my mind. I have wayyyy too much stuff. Clothes, shoes, bags. I’m going to do a fall cleaning and donate everything. Even the designer stuff. I have to make a promise to myself; no more secondhand shopping. I get it, trust me, more than anyone how “good” it is for the environment. But I do believe there is a spiritual aspect to it that is negative. Bringing someone’s thrown away trash (essentially) into your scared space, onto your body. It’s bad. I’ve been thrifting / vintage shopping since 2011 and let me tell you I’ve accumulated so much shit lol it’s just not fun. Yeah you’re saving a buck but who gives a fuck? lol in the grand scheme of things when you get older you won’t want another person’s trash. Trust me. There’s a reason why rich people always remodel the homes they buy.

Beauty maintenance also starts in the winter. Stringent morning and nighttime routines. Red light therapy. Facials. Chemical peels. Micro-needling. Lasers. Lymphatic massages. I really want an eyebrow lift. I was thinking about getting an eyebrow transplant but I think an eyebrow lift is the way to go. Investing in your body > clothes/bags. Trust me

To circle back, this new body has changed my life. My job is to now maintain it and make sure it only gets better. You work out in the winter to show off in the summer. Next summer I want to be on a super yacht off the coast of Italy in the tiniest Brazilian bikini known to man. I want to take a photo 1 year post op and see how much I’ve changed. I want to lose 10lbs and then I truly think I’ll be happy (I swear I’m not crazy)

It’s so wild going from a size 6/8 to a 2/4 lol plastic surgery is so worth it if you do it slow, go to the best, and make tweaks

*peak week entails

Mani + pedi

Hair Botox

Brazilian wax (will get laser when I get back)

Eyelash extensions

Facial

Due to the location I going to I’m not getting a spray tan but that would usually be on the list.

[docholligay]

Ep 6: Lottie

Hello! This is about up to Episode 6 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 6 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the sixth episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

So we’re clearly leaning into the idea that Lottie is, in fact, gifted. I don’t MIND this, per se, and I don’t want to come off as disappointed by it, because I’m not, but I will be annoyed if it comes down to the oversimplification of “Lottie’s got a gift and it was wrong to ever medicate her because she is not crazy” I want Lottie to be gifted AND ALSO CRAZY. I want her to be right like…oh I don’t know, is 70% of the time something we can work with? But I also want the difficulty of it, and I want having to deal with her in day to day life to be somewhat difficult. I want the challenge of it. 

Do I think the show is going to go fully into “Lottie was never crazy?” I honestly do not know. We’re half way through the show, but I feel like I’m constantly learning new things about what they are looking to do theme-wise and tonally. 

And don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying, “If they make Lottie not crazy, it’llbe shitty writing” I think there are plenty of great ways to write it, it’ll just disappoint me, personally. Which a work is allowed to do. 

I DO love how they make fun of Lottie. There is absolutely no reason under heaven or over hell to believe that Lottie is fucking…psychic. If I am in that cabin, I am thinking Lottie is having a fucking breakdown and HIGHLY suggestible, because that is a human thing that happens, not even ~to the weak~ but it could happen to me, and it could happen to you. 

Lottie is no perfect angel victim, either, and this is maybe part of the reason I assume that they are going to play it as “Lottie was never crazy,” is that they have her still snapping back and being a bitchy teenage girl, which I enjoy, I don’t want Lottie as a perfect anything, it’s just leading to part of my not necessarily true in the light of day conclusion. 

So what do we think--and this is both about Lottie and not about Lottie--about the deer in Velvet? Obviously, its chosen because seeing a deer shedding velvet is just as weirdly gross as the show suggests, but it doesn’t actually mean anything about the health of the animal. It’s extremely normal. When Lottie sees it, it shocks her, but that wouldn’t surprise me given I assume she’s never seen that before. Velvet is also when they are growing something new, so I could maybe see my way to that, and to the idea that these antlers are going to be a new part of them, a wild part. 

But the maggots. I know this has to be asaying something about what’s going on here, but I’m not sure what it is. Obviously, it makes for a great visual, and for a really brilliantly mounting sense of despair, and it also pushes the envelope on Taissa’s idea to leave and try to find someone. But, I don’t necessarily believe that it’s just as simple as all that. 

They are starving, right? And the deer is their salvation. But at core, the thing that could save them is rotten and disgusting, but it is hidden by the idea of this perfectly healthy exterior. This, of course, could immediately relate to our girls, looking normal (Though I guess I would actually question this) on the outside, but the thing they have ahd to do to survive makes the rotten inside. Being eaten. I don’t know that it’s where we’re going, but it works for me sitting here right now. 

Speaking of that deer, I see the very prominent antler placement behind Lottie’s head as she wanders out to indulge in more prophecy/insanity. I don’t generally go back when I’m writing this stuff up, because I think it leads to an…I don’t know, inauthentic? Experience of watching the show straight through. I SHOULD miss things. I SHOULD be caught off guard. Anyway, so I refuse to prove it, but I’m pretty sure the one running the whole thing when we’re consuming our heart-wearing girl is wearing a rack of antlers. Does Lottie become some sort of priestess? 

Such a bold and really fresh choice, by the way, to have Laura Lee and the notion of Christianity and God be loving and good, instead of the nasty mean judgmental one. Doc I did not expect you to be caping for Christianity. I’m not, but c’mon, we’ve seen a lot of media in our time and it is now basically a stock character to have the mean, judgmental, uptight Christian and the show, not interested in dealing with stock ideas, completely takes away from that, and has Laura Lee be the first person in her life that makes Lottie feel like she does in fact have a divine gift. 

I so much love the dual scenes of the attempted abortion and the baptism, because they both are baptisms of a kind, and they both are about a death and rebirth and a new life. This is particularly striking in the way that they shoot Lottie’s baptism, with her seeming to drown, to die, and then to come up with fire, filled with the Holy Spirit and new life (But also maybe predicting that Laura Lee will burn. I don’t know) I will be so interested to see how this changes the nature of Lottie’s character, now that Laura Lee is essentially telling her to believe in her visions and that will make them real. It is some of the best, worst advice I’ve ever heard. 

The scene where Lottie follows the elk*, follows this wildness and goes to the altar of sorts, and lights the candle that I think is Lottie herself. And that candle becomes the pillar of fire. The thing that leads the Israelities through the desert. So this compounds on my feelings about Lottie maybe becoming a priestess, and what I think that might mean, and is it actually not going to be Jackie appearing in this struggle for leadership at all, but Taissa and Lottie? 

*Human-naive elk could provide, just, so much fucking food for this group. I know they are in the Canadian Rockies. I am not going to get too far into the weeds about this but goddamn is this sometimes a rough show to know anything about the area and wilderness broadly with.

[anotherghoul666]

May I ask when you plan to release another fic? Even if it’s 6 months from now I will be waiting patiently and excitedly 😇 much love xx

I have two coming right around the corner buddy!

Stripper!AU is 1/3 of the way beta-read, me and @k1smet666 have been hard at work on it. Ideally we should be done in a day or two if everything goes well and Life doesn't slap either of us in the face too hard again? (I'm just poking my head out of a very VERY shitty time at work and a bout of the Spicy Sad so I'm not 100% efficient and back to normal yet, but writing and beta-ing really improves my mood and helps me find some sense of stability again). Tentative release date around christmas / somewhere in the holidays.

Then I have a secret santa I can't talk much about I believe? As per the secret nature of the event. But. Deadline on that's the 28th so it'll be out by then. It's not my typical fare at all, don't expect my usual kinky gay shit, none of that is here, but I'm enjoying the challenge and the opportunity to write outside of my comfort zone. It will likely be unbetaed because of the timed aspect of the event.

January I'll probably get into a shorter, kinky filthy pallet cleanser. Probably centered around Ifrit's boobs because I am Weak.

February is gonna be Femslash February with some ghoulette content I've started to outline for (and make myself immensely horny with).

Beyond that is Who The Fuck Knows territory because I, of course, have 5000 fic ideas but only two arms, one brain, and a limit of 24h/day XD

Thank you for your enthusiasm anon, and for your patience! ❤️

[serenityinsabr]

I just had the urge to write. I don’t know why or where it came from, but I often find it coming to me like like a truck hurling towards you at 80 miles per hour and you can’t help but be struck. I’m sitting in my beautiful apartment, watching my two lovely pups, and my heart is just really full. I love the holidays, but man are they hard. I get sudden flashbacks of when my dad got sick and the grief overrides everything else. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop until I let myself feel. I remember him being misdiagnosed, not being able to eat during thanksgiving and being in extreme pain. And my dad never complained. The doctors often had to adjust his pain scale cause they knew his 2 was really an 8. And they said it was something easy and curable, I had a really bad intuition feeling that it wasn’t. And 3 weeks later, he was diagnosed with an incurable cancer. Those moments changed the rest of my life.

I’ve been hearing the word kismet a lot lately. More than usual. What a small word, 6 letters, but it carries so much. Words are crazy like that. Like, almost, 6 letters but it consists of the pinpoints that someone’s fate alters. Things almost could have been one way or another. I think almost provides a safety net for what people are too scared to find out about because they’d have to leave comfort to do it. The almosts don’t have to be almosts. Kismet is controlled by our actions, the Universe gives us options, what we’re ready for and we aren’t, but it lets us decide. Are you willing to leave your comfort zone to find what you’ve always been looking for?

These week has been a lot of emotions. I tend to serve as everyone’s “therapist friend” and it’s because I give a shit. I have pretty good boundaries these days, and I still make the choice to be there for anyone I can, because I know all to well how it feels not to have anyone and it’s so important to me that noone else feels that way. And I balance it to try to make sure it doesn’t effect me. But sometimes you run into situations where you can choose to either be there for someone or save yourself, and it happens quickly.

This week I went to a going away party for work. And I could tell something was off with one of the newer Attorneys who started a year after me. Almost to the day I had a conversation with her a year prior about her partner, and how she just wasn’t happy. But she was comfortable and her partner was nice. My work is hard. It’s harsh, soul-crushing, and you have the opportunity to change someone’s life but also first hand witness how cruelly the world can treat someone. It’s far from easy. The right people who come to this work, come to be of service. It’s their core beliefs and values that draw them there. But it’s a lot. And to deal with other life changes while dealing with this work, especially in the beginning, is extremely challenging. And she had lost her Brother. Her buddy as she said. They were so close and it clearly crushed her soul, but she hasn’t had time to process the grief cause she hasn’t taken the time to. We sat and I wiped her tears for hours while she just cried. It was so fucking heartbreaking. But she literally looked at me grabbed me and asked if we could go outside, and then she just took a deep breath, looked at me and balled. And she shared all these things with me. I’ve had maybe 10 one on one convos with her, but whenever I see her not being recognized at work, I always try to hype her up. A big part of what’s making this all so hard is that she’s with someone who just doesn’t get it and she’s processing having a half fulfilling relationship while dealing with this job and loss. And it really just made me think about how we as humans just get so lost in comfort. We settle because it’s easy, but really we’re just cutting ourself short.

And maybe I’ll end up alone, and searching for the rest of my life, but one thing I’ve decided is that I won’t settle. In any area of my life. I refuse. I will keep growing, loving, saying yes to new experiences. I won’t accept half loves from friends, lovers or anyone else. Life is too short for that.

[dzpenumbra]

4/17/23

Today was one of those "didn't feel productive but actually was" days. I got 6 hours of sleep, which is getting a bit too normal. I'm so well acquainted with insomnia at this point that I can estimate how much sleep I've gotten based simply on how my body physically feels and the light color and level out my windows within about half an hour of accuracy. Not really sure I'm proud of that, but... it's a thing.

I played more Per Aspera after yoga. Trying to allow myself more dedicated recreation time since I've been hitting the animation shit really hard. But first... I set up the grow kits my brother got me for christmas. I have been waiting for almost 5 months to just get little fucking end tables to put plants on by my big windows. 5 fucking months, all because I was like... trying to make it a group thing, trying to make some room for family to actually be involved in my life. Ugh. Big fucking mistake. I had to throw out one of the kits, I didn't realize it was mushrooms and it 100% has been growing inside the box the whole time, I was supposed to open it immediately. It's okay, I'm not a huge mushroom fan anyway... The other two were cherry tomatoes and chilis, both I'm really excited about. And it turned out that the jars they come in fit okay on my windowsill, so I pulled the trigger and got them set up.

I got a shower in, and before going for a walk... I had to get dinner prepped. I had a whole plan today - I was going to prep some dough for from-scratch naan, then make from-scratch tzatziki sauce, and some package falafel and tomato to go with it. But the recipe I went with called for yeast in the dough, so I had to roll that and let it rise. So... I prepped and rolled that and let it do its thing while I went for a walk.

I got out there pretty late, it was already starting to get dark. I sorta speed-walked down the river trail outside my window out to where it ends, then looped back, and decided to go under the bridge and explore that way this time. It wasn't much, it was like a 15-20 minute walk, but it was really nice to get the blood pumping, got a sweat going even. Music makes it much easier. I don't mind hiking in the woods with just the sounds of nature, and I can just talk to myself or sing or whatever. In the city, it's just so fucking loud. But the earbuds help a lot, and it's really good for my head to be getting more music in my life.

The past like 5-10 years there's been a huge uptick in time consuming narrative stuff - YouTube, Twitch, miniseries', podcasts, etc. And with that came a big downtick in time consuming music. So... I guess I'm working on evening out that ratio. My newest listens have been... Dance Gavin Dance's "new" album, though I have only given it one listen so far... I'm getting back into Veil of Maya, I've always really liked their False Idol album but I never really gave it the time or attention it deserved, so I'm giving it some now. I hope to soon be able to go back to Matriarch, that was when I was getting really into them, I was all about their new (at the time) singer... but... it was a really dark time in my life. Right when I moved into the pond house that was supposed to be my house with my ex, and then was our house, and then was complicated and stupid and sketchy, and then wasn't. At the time, I was using google maps and whatever historical documentation I could drum up to make a real-scale replica of the entire complex of Chichen Itza in Minecraft. I.e. not just the Temple, but like... the entire place. I made a lot of progress on it. Just... one of many huge scale projects that just... never went anywhere... that I was working on endlessly alone that no one else seemed to really care about and that never got finished. Yay. XD But, honestly, the album just reminds me of that time of my life and the fights, and winter, and sitting on the floor in my bedroom playing games and waiting for my ex to get off of work. Or wondering if she was actually intending on moving in with me? I don't even remember the timeline anymore. Regardless, not good memories, tough emotions.

But honestly... in the next couple years, I really want to reclaim a lot of music like that. I mean that. I really feel like it would be good to have emotional support available for that, but it's been a goal for a while. I need to reclaim Matriarch, ERRA's Drift album, Periphery III. I guess that's good enough for now.

God, how did I get onto this? Earbuds. Yeah, listening to music while walking. Yeah, so that's been good.

So I got back and rolled the dough, made the falafel mix, made the tzatziki sauce, cooked the naan on the frying pan, then fried the falafel. It took forever but the food was great, very filling. Though... the dough was very yeasty tasting. I don't remember naan tasting like yeast, and this was like... really yeasty. But yeah, probably not the end of the world, nothing to be obsessively worried about, just something to take note of for the future.

I tried working on the animation stuff a bit more. It... really frustrated me and I had to close out of it after a bit. It was just... upsetting. The grease pencil keeps clipping when rendering and looking bad, the massive amount of paths all set to Divide blend mode end up causing an effect I wasn't really intending... which... I don't really know if I like? So... yeah. I'm still working out the kinks and just really didn't have the patience for it today.

I need to get this idea out of my head, it's been nagging literally all day long, and last night too. I keep getting moss. Over and over and over. Moss, moss, moss. By getting, I mean inspiration calling, whatever you want to call it. I don't know exactly what to do with this, because I have too many ideas. The first and most focused was to grow it indoors. In my head, I picture something like an open terrarium, like a terrarium with super low walls, and gravel and some very basic soil and a stream running through it, circulating by using the water pump from my cat's old fountain. And moss growing in there. That idea has been calling me for months. It would be such a cool idea. Like an indoor zen garden. Even if it doesn't have a water feature it would be cool. Oh... snap. Okay. So... if the water is what's throwing me off and stopping me from doing this... Hmm...

See, part of me wanted to do the water feature so that... the entire thing would be self-sufficient. It would water itself. I mean, I'd have to replenish the water periodically, but like... you know. But... I don't mind watering. I have my orchid and my succulents and they've been doing great. I have a watering chore I need to do now with the tomato and chili plants. So... this is doable. And moss should be like... ridiculously low maintenance. Like... moss will grow on fucking rocks, it needs so goddamn little to survive. And it's really pretty and cool. So... I'm tempted to do mini indoor zen gardens. I just need to find a good container to do that in... something that won't fall apart when it gets wet, because I will have to water this thing.

The other idea I had... and this one is actually really cool, check this out. So... I've been playing Per Aspera, which is all about terraforming Mars. And... it's been absolutely enthralling. This whole concept of spreading life, growing, creating an ecosystem. It's a concept that's been super resonant with me the past 2 years in winter/spring. Big surprise in Spring, right? XD

So the idea I have is... to find a section of the woods out by the nature trails. Slightly off trail but not too far. Removed enough, but noticeable if you're looking for it. And to clear the dead leaf layer on the ground and start seeding a moss garden. And let it grow on its own. Collecting moss from other areas and transplanting it in a very deliberate area, maybe in a shape.

The more recent update to this has been a pretty cool image flash. I was seeing a central circle with multiple points inside, like an 8-pointed star. That's just the number that came up. And then at the points, there are circles that radiate outward, incrementally smaller, in line with the points. And the circles are raised stone circles, with a bed of moss in each one. I'm not sure what happens with the middle. I like the idea of doing design earthwork with a living element, it's something I haven't really gotten to. All of my earthwork stuff so far has basically been stone and water. I haven't really added life to it yet. I like the idea.

So yeah, really glad to have inspiration striking. It just... can be very tempting to drop everything with the really frustrating project I'm working on now and just... go head-first into that one. And... I still have to finish the hoodie backpiece. So... one foot in front of the other, one thing at a time.

A little Zen garden inside would be really nice to like... go and play with to chill out my anxiety, though. Just sayin.

[indigo474]

2223- yesterday and forever more

i tried to go to the gym tonight. i could tell by the parking lot it was crowded- i came home and went for a walk/run outside-under the almost full moon and clouds. i would choose being outside to being in the gym anyday. I'm having a week. Maybe the past few weeks? I saw James tuesday- technically i failed to bench 85lbs- or did i? I'm not even sure- i attempted to doit and on the 3rd one my mind started to wander and i didnt complete it. i have no idea what i was thinking about- one second i was there-the next i wasn't. he asked me what happened. my mind focused and then not- he made me do it again and i completed 3 so i did the 5 but not in a row.. the highlight of my week was seeing Kika- she is precious and she loves me. she is always so happy to see me. i try not to think about the fact that she is old and going to die..

I'm hormonal this week. probably why ive become antisocial. it's hard for me to not be hard on myself when i get like this- the very last thing i need is me being mean to me.. but that voice in my head is STILL there- no longer a roar- a whisper of self doubt and loathing. i wish i wasn't aware of how fucked up i am. the more i learn the more i realize how messed up i really am- i'm not sure it's such a good thing to know how screwed up you are. some people don't have a clue-

i was angry this week too- i always throught x was a better person than he was- i tend to do that with people. I am learning though. I will not tolerate lying. i can't disrespect myself like that. i guess i'm mad because it would have been nice to have someone to hang out with- but he turned out to be a liar- not only a liar but someone who looked me in the eye and lied about lying. i even said to him so you're not even going to own up to it.. he didn't know what to say- he texted me to call him when i got home so he could explain- i never did- nor will i. i've learned some hard lessons about people and the lies they tell. i don't know that there is anything more important than trust in a relationship. i would have wasted time with that insecure bitch boy. i should have thanked him for showing me who he really was.

Work is hard- every day i find out another thing i am responsible for. My team is doing great. so far they are doing everything i have asked of them. I figured out real quick that the corporate world runs on reports. i think i heard it mentioned 1 time something about a report and i was like OHH that's how they keep track of us. I always wanted to look good on the report. why? i dont know why? because i care entirely too much and i like to do a good job.. ANYWAY- now i have to look at reports for my people. there is a report for everything and i am bombarded with them multiple times per day. We came up with action plans- All are doing great and far exceeding expectations. Its pretty amazing and i hope it continues. it's not easy though and i've had to have conversations i wish i didn't have to have-only 1 girl is not doing what we talked about her doing- i believe she is trying- she is going through a lot of shit and has no support and my heart breaks for her. I am going to have to sit with her next week and go over the reports and let her know there hasn't been any improvement with what we talked about. it just sucks. I'm getting 2 new people on my team next week for a total of 6. i'm taking it day by day. another thing i have to be gentle with myself about-i'm bound to mess up and not know everything- it's been a real challenge.

life is good- i can do hard things- giving up is never an option-Spring is almost here- i don't like texting-my daughter is now claiming to be vegan- life changes- hope i never feel my age- a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles-

I finally got rid of all the bird feathers i was collecting. I was going to make myself a pair of wings to get into heaven- just in case. i decided not to do that and to trust that i'll earn my wings somehow. i kept a couple cool feathers.i was going to take them down to the river and have a ceremony. it's bad enough i have a rock collection- i had to let the feathers go-in my backyard. for now on i will only bring a feather home if its super cool or if i need a certain color for a spell.

i've been sleeping better than ever. i am going to go look at a condo on sunday- it doesnt hurt to look. i know it sounds horrible but i'm kind of hoping the housing market crashes- Good night almost full moon-

[akaashisupremacy]

Brimming with Hope

Summary: Having broken off your engagement for an arranged marriage with Gojo, your relationship is in shreds. As you two give your relationship a second chance, what does hope look like to two disillusioned lovers?  

Gojo Satoru  x reader

Multi-fandom Masterlist || HQ Masterlist || Ao3 version

Genre: fluff, angst, exes to friends to lovers (wc: 1.5k)

“I don’t think they’ve fully made up their mind about me.” Gojo Satoru confesses to Nanami Kento.

In between assignments and his students, Gojo finds Nanami at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech’s grounds. They’re strolling along one of the many wooden hallways when Gojo opens up about you, his ex-fiancee and his current lover.

“What makes you say that?” Nanami rarely involved himself in other people’s romantic entanglements. Too much work really.

Gojo shrugs and sighs, “It’s like their affection is platonic. They care about me as a person, but I’m not sure if they have romantic feelings for me.”

The latest development of his relationship with you has been nothing short of daunting. Your relationship, albeit not exclusive was running past the six month mark. The longer he stayed around you the more pressure he felt. Commitment is not his thing. Dating his ex is also not his thing. But you certainly are.

“Can you blame them?” Nanami snorts, “How does it feel to be at the other end of the uncertainty?”

Gojo scowls in silence, hands pressed deep into his pocket.

“Well if they’re going out with you and stuff, then that’s not platonic.” Nanami offers. “Just make sure you’re not just fucking around again. Some people deserve better, Gojo. Leave them alone if you can’t get your shit together.”

Gojo stops walking. Nanami’s words are harsh and cold, voicing Gojo’s ultimate fear about himself.

Gojo opens his mouth and closes it shut. Nanami raises a brow. He senses some hesitation.

“Everything we do feels more intimate. I’ve been with other people, but this feels so…so….deep.” he murmurs.

Nanami turns around and snorts, “It’s the feelings. You’ve caught feelings.”

“This relationship feels so temporary...just when I feel like I’ve settled in, I’m to be up on my toes knowing this isn’t going to last. I realized they eventually want a family, but not with me. Because that’s just not me. It feels like there’s a time bomb waiting to go off.” Gojo continues, his tone silent and mournful.

More than anyone, Gojo knows you deep desire to be married and have a quiet family life. It's something he doesn't want and it pains him to know that you'll eventually go your separate ways.

Nanami breathes out, waiting for Gojo to catch up with a few long strides, “You can’t have everything.”

“I don’t need everything. Just the things that count.” Gojo replies, walking by Nanami’s side.

“Then you have to look for a happy middle, for you and for them.” Nanami shrugs.

Gojo scratches his head. What can he do?

————————————————————————————— You walk out of the morgue to leave Ieri to her work. As you step out, you come face to face with Nanami, who looks surprised that you’re here.

“Didn’t expect you to be around Ieri’s lair.” he comments.

“I didn’t expect to have a casualty either.” you shrug, waving around a file.

You hardly ever see Nanami after graduating. The school grounds were big. Your schedules never line up. Neither of you were particularly close.

He silently looks around if Ieri is behind you.

“So you and Gojo…” he trails.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms, “Not you too! You know what, instead of asking me, you should ask Gojo and his commitment issues, for updates.”

Your voice rings louder on the empty walls than you intended.

“I did.” he replies.

“And?”

“Commitment issues with a capital “C” indeed.” Nanami states, as if the fact was self-evident. What’s new? You sniff.

“It’s unusual to see him so conflicted about you. You used to be his rock.” he adds.

Your eyes narrow, as if asking for more information. You were never really sure how Gojo felt about you when you two were younger. He seemed attracted during your brief arranged engagement, but his attention obviously flitted elsewhere after that.

Nanami relents, “When we were freshmen, you reminded him of home. He pretends not to be homesick all the time. He’s not very good at hiding it when he talks about you.”

“Well, that feeling didn’t last, did it?” you murmur just loud enough for Nanami to hear.

The outside of the morgue has always been a little dark. You wished the lights were dimmer because you know Nanami is observing you.

“Not to defend him, but he was so wrapped in you and your engagement that he needed to find who he was outside of that. He likes attention, too. Can’t deny that. But his affections were sincere for a time.” he says, “I don’t know where his feelings stand right now. This isn’t to give you false hope, but he can be in love, even though it’s against his greater instincts and experience.”

He bows briefly to excuse himself. He needs to head in.

“But you already know that deep down. Out of all of us, you know him the longest, and I would argue, the best.” he adds.

You're left outside stunned by his words. Out of all his surviving friends, you assumed it was Nanami who knew him better than everyone else. It was you. You knew him best, even when Gojo wasn't by your side.

You smile a bit. There are some bonds broken romances can't break.

———————————————————— On a train home from your assignment, you find the bullet train crowded as usual. Rush hour is the bane of your existence in Tokyo.

As you try to find an empty seat, you’re surprised to find Gojo opening some sort of regional snack (again).

“How is it that you have so much time for souvenir shopping?” you groan in comment.

“It’s nice to see you, too.” he offers the seat next to his.

You plop down beside him, distracted. You think back to what Nanami said earlier. What was it that Nanami said? That you were Gojo’s rock? What did that mean really?

He tries to offer you some food. You wave him off dismissively. After gathering your thoughts, you decisively turn to him.

“I just want to know,” you swallow, “How did you feel about me when we were kids.”

With his mouth ajar, he blinks. Where was this coming from?

“Why?” he instinctively asks.

You purse your lips, “I’ve been meaning to ask for the longest while. I want to know your answer.”

He leans back into his seat and puts his food down in concentration.

“I thought I knew what love was and it came in the form of you. It’s kind of dumb. What would a teenager know about that kind of stuff?” he shrugs, “I liked the idea that you liked me. You were someone who supported me. You were there for me. You were generous with your time and affection.

“Looking back it’s just infatuation, isn’t it?" he asks rhetorically.

“You sounded naive.” you say, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

He chuckles, “Who wouldn’t be at that age?”

“And sincere.” you followed up with a smile.

Gojo turns away from you. He sees glimpses of your early teenage years when he sees that smile. It was the smile you wore when he visited you at your clan’s home and helped out with your chores. You liked it when he would carry the firewood you gathered from the forest.

“...you made me feel so grown up, like I had my life together. Not everyone liked who they were engaged to, but I really liked you and you had believed in me so much.” he murmurs, “I felt so lucky to be able to marry you one day. I was literally brimming with hope. But that was 13 years ago.”

You both get off the train. The crowded station greets you both. Although you walk side by side, it is too easy for the crowd to sweep you away. You hold onto his sleeve. He doesn't notice.  

You try to say goodbye when you make it out, but he seems distracted. You begin to walk away.

“You’re not saying goodbye?” he asks, startled.

“I did, but you didn’t mind me.” you smirk with your arms crossed.

“Sorry. There’s a lot going on in my mind.” he nods, walking up beside you.

He leans in to plant a kiss on your cheek. You pull away.

“We’re in public,” you remind him. Gojo isn’t public with you on anything.

He kisses you anyway, pressing his lips on your cheek. You’re surprised but not unpleasantly so. His kiss is long and lingering. You embrace him with your arms around his waist. You briefly close your eyes to drown out the noise of the station.

Gojo can feel his heart racing a thousand kilometers per second. His shoulders relax. It's strangely freeing to be able to kiss you in public.

He knows he’s not into commitment, but whenever he sees you, he questions myself.

“I have to go now.” you bid softly.

I love you. He holds back. He waves carefully to not let his words escape his mouth. He’s not fifteen anymore. He should know better.

Gojo begins walking back to Jujutsu Tech. Being able to kiss you goodbye made him feel so grown up, like he has his life together more than he actually does. It makes him feel, once again, that he is brimming with hope.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this as a follow up for another Gojo x reader fic who used to be engaged. Check out the other parts!

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8

Comment or message to be added to the taglist! Or write down some comments about your feelsssss

Series Taglist: @tokyo-love-hotel@samkysnks@herownescape@cherrianne192@shamelessdonutsludgebanana@kageyamakock@shirostrbl@luvang3l@cloudsinthecosmos@httpjungoo @saturnki  @itstheee-ha-chan@gucci-froggy @soy1melk @dora-the-grownup @cherryonigiri @fiona782

If you’d like to continue being part of my taglist (JJK or Haikyuu), please let me know! I also write oneshots for both fandoms and soon I’ll be doing BSD too!

[strawb3rryw00]

macchiato pt.3 ♡ woo wonjae x female reader

warnings -> boss girl moments

synopsis -> y/n is that bitch 🤪

fluff, per usual

~♡~

Being a business owner was tough. You had to deal with paying your employees, getting your products shipped on time, scheduling your employees around their outside life. Even when you weren’t on the clock, you were still working. Sleep was a rare thing, but thank god you owned a coffee shop with the best of the best imported beans right?

You only had six other employees who alternated every other day to work due to their school schedules or requested days off. You valued paying your employees their worth is why you never hired anymore after them so you could give them a good hourly pay. But with less employees, means less employees to cover shifts.

If someone had to call out, which was rare, there wasn’t anyone to cover their shift except you. Just as you were about to take a quick nap before having to do inventory, you got a call that one of your employees would have to miss the day due to a personal reason.

So you showered and made a nice strong coffee to prepare yourself for the day ahead. It was fine until your phone rang again, and another employee had called out. Therefore, you were alone for the day. You knew you wouldn’t have customers until about 6 am despite being open already. It gave you an hour, give or take, to do your inventory and pay outs, before having to deal with the day.

You finished right as a customer walked in, signaling your day had officially started.

~♡~

8:47 pm

You basically threw yourself onto the couch in the lounge area, exhausted from the day you just had. Dave made his way over to bring you comfort as you relaxed your sore body and melted into the orange suede couch. You kicked off your sneakers, annoyed you had to wear those instead of your usual nighttime cat slippers, then slid your feet into said slippers as they stay stashed under the coffee table.

You let out a deep sigh, petting the cat that now lays on your chest. You want to close your eyes so badly, but you have a job to do. But a few minutes wouldn’t hurt. You let your eyes close and drift off into a much needed sleep.

~♡~

Wonjae feels nervous as he walks towards The Naked Bean. It’s way earlier than the time he usually goes, but he was really wanting a macchiato made special by y/n. Once the cafe comes into view, he feels insanely more anxious than he did just five seconds ago.

He wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous. It is just coffee. He’s been in denial about his interest for y/n and has been swearing up and down he just really enjoys the coffee she makes instead of enjoys the time he spends while with her. He will admit that it is the best macchiato he’s ever had though.

Wonjae pushes through the door of the cafe, eyes searching the area for y/n. He finds her sprawled out on the lounge area couch, passed out, with more than half of the cats huddling around her body for warmth.

He chuckles, quietly making his way over to where she lays and resting his hand just above her knee to gently shake her awake. Her eyes slowly open, adjusting to the light before looking at Wonjae.

“Why are you in my house?” She questions, earning a laugh in response.

“I came to get a coffee and found you asleep in the lounge,” Wonjae responds, only finding himself laughing harder when she jolts up.

“Holy fuck what time is it?!” She gasps, immediately grabbing her phone to check the time. She slouches and relaxes once she realizes it’s earlier than she thought.

“Good thing you decided to come see me earlier than usual.” Y/N winks and leans into the couch with a yawn escaping her lips. “I’ve been in here all day because two of my employees called out. I haven’t slept so I must’ve just fell asleep.” She laughs.

Wonjae frowns, he can see the exhaustion in her eyes. He knows this is a popular spot and hates that she was in here alone all day. “Why don’t you just close for the night so you can rest?” She shrugs in reply, bringing her feet to her chest and looking at him. His heart melts at how cute she is.

“Well i’m not as busy overnight, and I have a lot of nurses who come in here regularly.” She says, stretching her body, similar to the way cats do. Wonjae smiles softly at her, admiring how hard she works and how passionate she seems about her business. “Besides, i’ll get to sleep when my employees come in at 5.”

Y/N stands up and makes her way behind the counter. Wonjae watches as she prepares two macchiatos. He’s amazed at how she can work that well while half asleep, it must be muscle memory at this point for her. It takes her less than two minutes to get both the macchiatos ready for them.

“I’ll let you take the tip jar if you help me clean up?” Y/N twirls her finger through her hair and pouts at Wonjae who blushes as he leans forward on the counter.

“Sure,” He says, knowing he will not take the full tip jar from her, she’s worked way too hard for that.

They both clean up behind the counter; Wonjae washes the dishes and sets the area back up while Y/N sweeps and mops the floors and cleans the lobby to reset it for new customers. She tells him about her day and how busy it was while he listens intently. He finishes the dishes and takes the mop from her.

“Go sit please,” He says softly, removing her hands from the handle of the mop and using his free hand to turn her away and give her a gentle push towards the lounge area. He couldn’t even fathom how she handled today after she told him how it went. If it were him, he wouldn’t even be able to move right now. Wonjae’s repsect and awe for Y/N goes right through the roof and he’s pats himself on the back for coming in earlier than he normally does to be able to help her right now.

Wonjae finishes mopping for Y/N, listening to her go on about her day more with a smile on his face. She’s never mentioned any friends, and she’s always working so she must be lonely. Wonjae feels the same way. Even though he has his label mates, he doesn’t see them nor hang out with them often, so in a way, Wonjae coming to the cat cafe has been a nice thing for the both of them.

Once everything is cleaned, Wonjae takes his seat back next to Y/N. “Have you ate?” He asks, leaning back into the couch.

“I had a few pastries I accidentally burnt,” She shrugs, picking a cat off the ground where it sleeps by her feet to cuddle it. He loves how all the cats are extremely cuddly with her, it just shows how amazing she cares from them.

“That’s not a meal y/n,” Wonjae scolds, standing up and crossing his arms while looking at her, a frown etched on his face. “You hold down the fort, i’m going to get us food.”

Y/N laughs at the childlike nature of the man in front of her, shaking her head. “You sure you don’t mind? Take some money from-“

“No, I’ll be right back.” Wonjae cuts her off, grabbing his bag he discarded on the table and walking out the door.

“I’m allergic to shellfish!” Y/N calls out before he’s out of earshot

“Noted!”

~♡~

Wonjae returned with food as you were making an order for your regular nurses who came in around midnight on their break. You chatted casually with them, picking up on a conversation you had yesterday when they came in.

“So then he asked me for my number, while he was bleeding out in our ER!” One nurse laughs, you and others joining like some gossiping teenagers.

You set their drinks on the counter and ring in their order, making sure to give the nightly nurses their discounts. “Who’s that boy y/n?” the shortest one leans over the counter and whispers, the other two huddling in close to hear your answer.

“He’s a new regular who I befriended, isn’t he cute unnie?” you whisper back, earning a shrill of giggles from the three.

“He seems like just the type of boy for you!” One giggles excitedly, you laugh and pretend to flip a piece of your hair back despite it being up in a bun.

“Well, we’ll get out of your way now,” One nurse throws a big bill on the counter to pay for the three of them, they alternate every night. “Keep the change my beautiful y/n!”

They leave with their coffees and giggles, the cafe becoming quiet once more. Before Wonjae, they were your favorite regulars. They always had crazy ER stories and gossip, and they were older than you so they treated you like you were their cute little sister. They never came in without one another, you’d probably faint if you saw one missing from the trio.

As you walk closer to Wonjae you inhale the smell of the warm food, your stomach suddenly growling as if it’s been awoken from hibernation. You hadn’t ate since yesterday morning, but you didn’t even realize how hungry you were.

“I just got tteokbokki, kimbap, and japchae from the street vendor down the street.” He says, ripping open the back. “She threw in some fried things for us too.” He adds, quickly setting everything out for you both to dig in.

You immediately begin to eat, humming in satisfaction. You find Wonjae looking at you with a smile on his face, causing a blush to dust over your cheeks slightly. “What?” you ask with a mouth full of rice cake.

He shakes his head and takes a bite as well. “Nothing i’m just glad you’re eating,” Your heart pangs and you squeeze his knee gently.

You both fall into a comfortable silence while filling your bellies. Once full, Wonjae cleans up for you both and sits next to you. “Do you not have to go back to the studio?” You question, seeing that he’s been here for a few hours after looking at the clock.

“I had a little bit of a block, I’d rather be here right now.” Wonjae admits, leaning against the arm of the couch and facing you where you do the same across from him. You smile at him, it must be hard being an artist and wanting to produce amazing pieces.

“Then stay as long as you’d like,”

~♡~

as promised, here you go <3 this is gonna have a little more plot soon, i’ve kinda jus been writing as i go but i hope you enjoy!!!!!

[angellesword]

MAGIC SHOP | JJK (07)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively:

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, idiots to lovers, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: homophobia (Tae’s family is insisting he can’t be gay)

SERIES: CHAPTER 6 | CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER’S OST: Fix You covered by BTS

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

You closed your eyes the moment you heard the first line of the song.

When you get what you want but not what you need

Your heart was thumping, unable to bottle up the emotions that had been eating you for months now.

One year and seven months, to be exact.

You left Seoul, your hometown, nineteen months ago.

"Why can't we just eat at home?" Taehyung groaned, clearly not happy with how things were going right now.

You shrugged because you also didn't know why Yoongi and Jimin decided to have dinner at Per Se, a fine dining restaurant, tonight.

Did they forget that you and your brother were broke? The both of you couldn't live life like you once did in Korea.

Life in the city that never sleeps was different. You still had a job, but you were no longer an architect, deciding that it was best to pursue graphic designing instead.

You worked from eight to five pm in an office now. Gone were the days you visited construction sites. What you created at your current job were images, logos and even diagrams.

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

You loved your job, unfortunately your compensation was not enough to keep you going, making you feel like you were:

Stuck in reverse

Your salary was barely enough to cover your rent and utilities expenses. Jimin, your roommate, knew this so he lent you his car, the same car Taehyung was driving at this moment.

You didn't want to borrow your roommate's car at first, but Jimin insisted, saying that he had a new car and that he didn't know what to do with the old one.

Jimin didn't want to sell it. He was a very sentimental person and the car was actually a gift from his parents.

So he let you use it. You were special to Jimin. He wouldn't mind that you and your brother were using something that he loved.

"Fuck it. I'm going home," Taehyung announced, suddenly turning right.

Your eyes widened, ready to scold him.

But you didn't. Now when—

And the tears come streaming down your face

—he was crying.

You gasped, but you quickly pursed your lips into a thin line. You also looked outside the window of the car, refusing to look at your brother.

You didn't want him to feel like you were prying or that you felt bad for him. No. Taehyung didn't appreciate empathy. For him, it was just the kinder version of pity.

He didn't need you or anyone to feel bad for him as it would only make him feel like his decision was wrong.

When you lose something, you can't replace

When Taehyung moved back here in New York, he lost something that he could never replace: his family in Seoul.

You remembered why your brother lost contact with the Kims. It happened almost two years ago.

"I'll just change," was your excuse so that you could get out of the dining area and also because you knew Jungkook would follow you.

You had to talk to him.

You had to remind him again not to tell anyone in your family that you and him were dating.

You thought it would only be for the meantime; however, you changed your mind after your father explained why he wanted Soojin and Jungkook to get married.

It was for Castle, the company your mother, Taemin, and Jong-in all built together.

How could you let the empire fall?

Apart from this, you saw how Soojin looked at your boyfriend. She loved him. Maybe more than you could ever love Jungkook.

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

You didn't want Jungkook's love to go to waste. You didn't deserve him. He deserved Soojin, someone who could love him dearly.

"Jungkook, as we are saying—" Sin-ae tried to open the conversation again the moment you disappeared from the scene.

Your best friend cut Sin-ae off though. You were right. Jungkook was going to follow you.

"W-Wait! Jungkook! Where are you going?" Sin-ae panicked, getting up so she could follow Jungkook.

Sin-ae could tell that this situation was starting to upset her daughter. Soojin was gritting her teeth, tears filled her eyes.

"Mom. Let Jungkook be." Taehyung said, stopping Sin-ae from running after your best friend. He just knew Jungkook's going to go to you. You and him clearly needed some time alone.

"No. I still have something to say to that boy!"

"It can wait." Taehyung clenched his fist. "I have something to say to you too. It can't wait."

"What is it?"

Taehyung had the undivided attention of his mother now. Admittedly, every member of his family was focused on him, waiting.

Taehyung gulped.

It was now or never.

"I'm gay."

Could it be worse?

Was telling his family about his sexual orientation the worst thing that could happen tonight?

Maybe.

It was the worst because he didn't think this through. It just happened. It was the only way he could think of to stop them from meddling with your relationship with Jungkook.

"You're what?" Taemin's jaw ticked, eyes turning dark as he turned to his third born son.

Lights will guide you home

Taehyung's heart skipped a beat. He was nervous but he didn't regret anything. He was certain that the truth would guide him towards light.

And ignite your bones

He would be free after this night.

"Taehyung..." Sin-ae held onto the head of the chair, grasping for support. She felt like she was going to faint.

This night was stressing her out so much.

"A-Are you sure? I-I..." Sin-ae swallowed hard. She was shaking. Soojin caressed her mother's hand.

"What if you're just confused? Have you dated women before—"

"Yes. I dated seven women. All didn't work out."

"B-But..." Sin-ae tried speaking again, however she trailed off.

Taehyung shrugged upon seeing her mother's expression. He continued eating his food as if nothing happened.

"Sorry it came out of blue. I didn't want to shock you, but seeing how this dinner turned out, I didn't really have a choice but to tell you."

"What do you mean by that?" Namjoon creased his forehead, he obviously didn't like what his younger brother was implying.

"Well, it seems to me that you all know about the engagement party, but you still didn't budge even when it's clear that Jungkook doesn't want to marry Soojin."

Taehyung shrugged before speaking again.

"I don't want to go through the same thing, I guess? I don't want you all to suddenly force me to marry some rich girl. But! If it's a rich guy, I might just agree—"

"Kim Taehyung!" Taemin's voice was like a thunder when he cut off what his third born son was saying.

And I will try to fix you

"Stop your nonsense right now!" Taemin shouted, as if it was going to fix something, as if shouting would suddenly change Taehyung's preference.

"Ouch, dad!" Taehyung pouted, clutching his chest. "Don't be mean. This is not nonsense. This is me telling you the truth about myself..."

The third born son was trying to joke around, thinking that it would at least calm his family.

"I like boys, dad. I let them do me—"

Taemin abruptly stood up. He was holding a table knife, ready to attack Taehyung.

"I said shut up!"

"Yeobo!" Sin-ae hugged her husband.

Seokjin and Namjoon stepped up too, protecting their brother.

"Father, you are overreacting." Seokjin said, hiding Taehyung behind him.

"My son tells me he's a faggot and you're telling me to calm down, huh, Kim Seokjin!?"

"There is nothing wrong with being gay, father. What's wrong is harming people just because of their sexuality." Namjoon said this, touching the hinge of his eyeglasses to stop it from slipping down his nose.

Taehyung's brothers never defied their father, but they would never stand still if Taemin did something to hurt any member of their family, except you. Seokjin and Namjoon didn't care about you.

"It's okay, hyung. You don't have to defend me." Taehyung smiled at his brothers before switching his gaze at Taemin.

"Tell me, father. If I don't 'stop this ‘nonsense,' what would you do to me?"

"I will disown you." Taemin snarled, pushing Sin-ae away from him. "You won't receive anything from me."

"Ah, you will disinherit me. I see..." Taehyung smiled, though his heart was breaking apart. "Okay, then. I will make things easier for you."

"Yah! Kim Taehyung, what are you talking about?" Soojin glared at her brother. She wanted to slap him. He was being stubborn!

"Well, father can't disinherit me, his legitimate heir, just because he wants to. But like what I've said, I'm gonna make it easy for him." Taehyung slightly raised his shoulders. "I'm disclaiming my inheritance. I'd rather be broke than have a homophobic father."

Taemin was about to attack Taehyung, but Sin-ae hugged him once more.

The corner of Taehyung's mouth quirked up as he placed his car keys and card on the table, a proof that he would not take anything from his father anymore.

"Don't worry. I will also pay back everything you spent on me since I was a child." Taehyung bowed down. "Thank you for everything. Goodbye."

And high up above or down below

You blinked back to reality after remembering the reason why Taehyung left his family. The way he told you that story made you feel like you were there when it happened.

But you weren't.

You were busy breaking your own heart.

When you're too in love to let it go

You went straight out of the mansion after mumbling an excuse to your family.

"Hey..." Jungkook followed you, grabbing your wrist.

"I told you not to tell them." You twisted your hand, a not so subtle way of asking him to let you go. His palm was hot, but it was causing you to shiver. You didn't want to be touched by him.

"I didn't—"

"You almost did." You snarled, becoming more frustrated as time passed. "You broke your promise to me."

"Tiger..." Jungkook called softly, trying to hold your hand again.

You walked away, as if you were too scared to stand closer to him. You were. You didn't trust yourself when you were around him. It was like you wanted to just bury your face in his neck. You knew Jungkook felt that way too, but he shouldn't. You shouldn't.

You were in the territory of the Kims. All of them wanted Jungkook to marry Soojin. They would most likely scowl if they saw you being intimate with your 'best friend.'

"I'm sorry..." He said, still following you.

You were headed to the garden of the mansion. No one really went here at night. There were just too many mosquitoes here.

"I won't break my promise again." He said softly. Jungkook was trying to catch your gaze.

You avoided it.

You couldn't look at him as you said "of course it won't happen again. You can't say something that isn't true anymore."

"What do you mean?"

But if you never try, you'll never know

"I'm breaking up with you, Jungkook."

"What?" He was breathless. Your cruel words knocked out the air out of him.

"You heard me." You said simply, still avoiding his gaze. Do not look at him or you'd break, you reminded yourself.

"Y-You're kidding, right?" And he still couldn't believe what was happening.

No. This couldn't be true. He just had you. He was just starting to show you how much he loved you. Why were you pushing him away again?

This wasn't fair.

"You're engaged, Jungkook. To my sister." You gritted your teeth, looking down at your feet. You could see a mosquito sucking your blood there. It hurt.

"You know I don't joke around when my sister's happiness is at stake—"

"What about your happiness?" Jungkook cut you off. And mine?

"I'm happy when Soojin is happy, when my family is happy."

"What about me?" His voice was so small when he asked this, like he was ashamed and hurt. "Am I not your family too?"

Your stomach churned. Your tears fell, you saw your teardrop hitting the mosquito sucking at your foot.

Your foot hurt. Your foot itches.

You were focusing on the wrong things. You complained about the wrong things.

Your heart hurt. But you didn't care.

Your foot. It itched.

Just what you're worth

"You are." You blurted out after a few moments of silence. Would it feel good to scratch your foot?

"That's why I'm ending this. I don't want to hurt you any further..."

You're not hurting me Jungkook was about to say this. You didn't give him a chance to speak though.

"I can't love you, Kook..."

Lights will guide you home

They said lights would guide someone home. Lights helped people see. It helped them so that they wouldn't stumble in the darkness, into something they couldn't possibly fight.

For the longest time, Jungkook believed this. He thought you were his light, guiding him—leading him towards home.

Home was supposed to be safe and it should bring comfort—this was what Jungkook longed. A home.

And ignite your bones

A home full of love, laughter—just things that would ignite his bones, that would make him thank the Maker for giving him life.

"Why not?" Jungkook managed to ask even though he was breaking inside.

All he could think about was your cruel words.

I can't love you, Kook...

I can't love you, Kook...

I can't love you, Kook...

It meant he was hard to love, right? He was hard to love despite the fact that he was trying his best. He was good. So good—too good, but it wasn't enough.

There was no home to come to.

Your foot still itches.

"Because I'm broken." You were stupid to think that you could fill his heart with love.

Love didn't work like that.

Jungkook shook his head violently. He knew you didn't want him to touch you, but he did.

He couldn't stop himself.

He took your face into his hands, feeling your skin. He was touching you like he was making sure you were real.

"And you can't love someone when you're broken."

His response was instant.

"Then let me try to fix you." He said this as if it was easy.

You cackled. This was better than sobbing.

"Too bad..." You finally had the courage to meet his gaze. You looked at him dead in the eyes, saying this: "Because I don't want to be fixed."

Jungkook was right.

You were his light.

You were his light, but you weren't going to guide him home.

You were the light that was going to blind him.

"Goodbye, Jungkook." You smiled.

And then you walked away.

This time Jungkook didn't follow you, but aside from this nothing else changed—well except that you weren't looking down anymore.

You looked up, remembering that when you kissed Jungkook for the first time, the moon and the stars were there to witness it.

The moon and the stars were still here.

This time they witnessed how you broke Jungkook's heart.

Damn. Your foot still itches.

[coldmilkcreamery]

Luminescent Moonlight

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: nct dream x male reader 🥀🌹

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 1862

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: y/n sneaks out of the dorms every friday night. the dreamies notice and follow him only to find out that…

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴/𝘀: degradation; swearing

𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆 🌙

𝗮/𝗻: uhh... idk how to feel about this? at first i was proud of it but now reading it i'm like... meh but enjoy ig ^^ this marks the last day of our launch week, which means we won't be posting daily anymore :(( we have 2 requests and we're working on them, if you have any feel free to drop it at the ask box !! good night <33

> 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 <

-

Both hands on the clock point at 12 again, signaling Y/N’s departure from the NCT dorms. As their newest and youngest member, Y/N was thought of as the sweetest, purest, and on top of all, most respectable member of NCT. He graduated Neo High with honors, was friendly on campus and auditioned for SM only once, unlike the sea of trainees who had to audition for more than three times. Because of this, he was viewed as this innocent prince once SM told the boys that he would be joining NCT. But, just like any cliché scenario, none of them knew of what Y/N did in the dead of night, when the moonlight shone on the city and no one knew him, not even by his silhouette.

✦ 𝙨𝙞𝙭 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 ✦

“Has anyone noticed Y/N during the weekends recently? He usually isn't sleeping on his bed when he’s supposed to be.” Shotaro asks, genuinely worried about him.

“He probably just goes to the comfort room and stays in there for the whole night or something, no biggie.” Jeno says sarcastically, shoving a mouthful of popcorn into his mouth as he blabs his mouth.

“Hm,” Jisung mumbles, skeptical of Y/N’s actions, “there is definitely something up with him.” Jisung wasn’t one to get jealous often but with the addition of Y/N into NCT, the beloved, innocent, has-never-committed-a-sin Y/N, the attention wasn’t on him anymore. He was a tad bit jealous, but he would never admit that out loud.

“So what do you wanna do about it then?” Jeno replies, still staring straight at the television playing Titanic, “Confront him about it? It’s not like he’s gonna budge. What are you gonna do then, force him to tell you? Huh?”

“Quit being an asshole Jen.” Jaemin slaps Jeno sitting beside him, a frown on his face.

“How about we just, you know, pretend to sleep and wait till he gets up and leaves, then follow him?” Sungchan suggests, equally as worried as Shotaro. Both the former and the latter know how hard it is to be new members of a group that has already debuted. So, they felt the need to let Y/N know that he didn’t have to keep leaving the dorms, for an escape or whatever.

“Then it’s decided,” Jeno speaks up, finally peeling his eyes off the television, “tonight, we find out what the fuck Y/N has been doing for the past 6 weeks.”

✦ 𝙨𝙞𝙭 𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 ✦

Y/N rises up from his bed, making extra effort not to make a noise. He grabs the hickory duffle bag from under his bed and unzips it to check if he’s had everything for his night out ready. He zips it back just seconds after and drapes it over his shoulder, getting ready to leave. He pulls his hoodie up and ties his black converses before opening the wooden door and leaving the Dream Dorms, oblivious to the boys’ plans.

Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, Chenle, Sungchan, Shotaro and Jisung are led from the warmth of their dorms into the cold autumn night as they follow the figure wearing a black hoodie in front of them. The 8 boys walk for what seems like hours, crossing street to street, going through alley to alley, main road to main road as they do nothing but stay in silence and tail the (H/C) boy in front of them. They don’t know how many neon signs they’ve passed by now, only noticing how red ones become more and more evident as they venture deeper into the city.

“I think we’re in the red light district.” Haechan blurts, being met with shushes from the 7 other boys he was with. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Y/N of course, who pauses and turns around, only to look at a dark, empty street behind him. Y/N furrows his brows, confused, as he resumes his amble towards his destination.

Hiding behind garbage bins, the 8 boys sit in disgust as they hide from Y/N, scared of being caught halfway through their stalking session. Haechan peeks his head out and speaks up once again, but this time quietly, “The coast is clear.” All 8 stand up synchronized, noses scrunched as they glare at Haechan.

“No shit sherlock,” Chenle whisper-shouts, hues of scarlet and crimson decorating his face, “it’s red everywhere! Of course we’re in the red light district!”

The others giggle as they stare at Chenle.

“No, you dumbass,” Haechan replies calmly, “a red light district is like a place full of clubs and.. you know…” He trails off as the other seven’s brows furrow.

“Let’s not jump into conclusions,” Sungchan cuts him off, remaining positive, “let’s just keep following him.”

They sneak behind Y/N once again, trying their best not to get caught. It was only a minute or two before they saw Y/N turn a corner. The 8 slowly creeped up on the opening of the alley, just in time to see Y/N enter a building with an indigo sign, which stood out in the sea of bright, neon red signs.

“You don’t think… he’s a…” Jaemin spoke up as all of them shared a glance. The eight of them stood in silence, too scared to speak up, under the illusion that Y/N may be a male stripper. That wouldn’t be a problem but he was… 17.

“Only one way to find out.”

♪♪♪♪...

The deafening music boomed from the speakers, resonating into the indigo aesthetic of the club. Contrary to the word, this side of the club was the opposite of aesthetic: sweaty bodies stuck together, giving the 8 boys an unsettling feeling. They had almost started contemplating on leaving the said club, but not before Jaemin spots a quiet section, free of the sweaty bodies grinding against each other. It wasn’t free of people, per se, as there were a few people making out here and there, but it definitely wasn’t as congested as the indigo dance floor they had previously stood on. They saw vacant seats at the bar and, just like anyone who had been walking and hiding for 30 minutes, took a seat. All 8 of them had their backs turned away from the bar as a familiar voice spoke up.

“What can I get for you?” Y/N asks, a smile forced on his face. Y/N’s blue velvet suit shimmers under the spinning disco ball, exhibiting various accents of blue. Azure, cobalt and lapis and sapphire compliment Y/N’s face as he looks down, glass in one hand and towel on the other, wiping. He’s wearing nothing but a blue velvet blazer as a top, chest out as if he was as the beach. The boys turn around, mouths agape and unable to speak. They lock eyes with Y/N when the latter looks up due to the long, uncomfortable silence, eyes wide open, his body frozen in shock.

Attempting to cover his exposed chest, Y/N drops the glass and immediately places his hands flat on his chest, the feeling of fear, embarrassment and surprise devouring him.

“Y/N what the fuck?” Jeno blows up, completely losing his self control, “What the fuck are you doing in this… this.. strip club? You’re sev-”

Y/N unsticks his palms from his chest and re-sticks it onto Jeno’s mouth, shushing the older. “Shhh. let’s…” he pans his eyes from left to right, staring into his hyung’s disappointed faces, “let’s talk outside. Wait for me.”

The boys head towards the exit as they pass by the cramped dance floor once again, the silver disco ball spinning endlessly above them. They exit the club, the chilly breeze of the autumn night slapping them on the face once again as they step out. They wait in silence, leaning on the wall, occasionally staring at the indigo sign above them. Just as Chenle was about to break the silence, the cushioned doors of the club open slowly, revealing a boy in a more decent outfit. Y/N steps out, head burning holes into the stone floor. As soon as the doors of the club seal shut, all 8 of them went into chaos.

“What the fuck?”

“Is this what you’ve been doing for the past 6 weeks?”

“What are you doing with your life?”

“I can’t believe you’re actually a fucking stripper. What made SM recruit a stripper?”

He let himself get scolded but got caught off guard when Jisung uttered those words. “Wait, stripper?” Y/N looks up from the now-molten floor, eyebrows furrowed, tears pricking the corner of his eyes, “I— how could you even call me that?”

“Don’t act like you didn't have your chest on display before we got there.” Jisung replies, disgust written on his face, “Is this really what you've been doing for the past month and a half? Whoring yourself out? I guess you love people’s attention on your body don’t you?”

The gates of the dam that had held his tears finally gave out, spilling endlessly as Y/N tried to find his words, “I— that’s just the uniform for us bartenders… I work in a club so… we’re required to—”

“Exactly Y/N!” Jaemin shouts, “You’re 17 for fucks sake, why the fuck are you working at a bar? You’re a fucking idol! You're going to be publicly announced as a new member next month! What if people start recognizing you, huh? Then what?”

“I-I’m sorry hyungs. I—” tears gushed from Y/N’s orbs, coating his face, “I just did this for money.” Disgusted looks turned to looks of confusion as the 8 boys stared at Y/N, puzzled.

“M-my mom is in the hospital, she’s dealing with stage iii breast cancer and,” Y/N says, shaking, unable to complete a sentence without stopping, “and my family couldn’t afford the hospital bills, and the company wasn’t paying me yet– and I– I couldn’t wait any longer so when I saw a poster one day, looking for a bartender, I applied and lied about my age. Hyungs I’m really sorry, I- I didn’t do it because- because I liked putting my body on display. To be honest I was really uncomfortable but– but I would do anything for my mom and—”

Y/N pauses as he feels a warmth envelope him, curing his heart’s hypothermia. “We’re sorry. You know we can always lend you a hand, right?” Jaemin says, regretting his thoughts. Renjun adds to the two boys hugging, then Shotaro, then Chenle, and soon enough, all 9 of them are one; all hugging it out in a giant fluff ball, in the aged alleyway under the moonlight.

“I’m sorry,” Jisung states, voice softer as ever, “for calling you that. And, I know your mom is strong, she’ll get through this.”

Y/N felt warmer, and suddenly, under the moonlight, all his worries and doubts vanished. Nothing was more calming than a hug from the 8 boys he loved the most. They stayed like that for as long as Y/N needed, the moonlight’s luminescence lingering in the air.

End.

-

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙: 01.11.21

𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙙: 01.12.21

[alexandriteobscuraarchive]

Ten Questions for the Mun

Tagged by: @causalitylinked ((Thank you for tagging me!!))

1. When are you usually online?

Because of my work schedule (currently I work Thursday to Monday and have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off) I'm generally bound to mobile throughout the day and on my actual pc later in the evenings around 9:30-10pm. On the days I work the latest I'll usually stay up is midnight to 1am and on my days off I'm usually up until 2am to 3am. On my days off I also have a chunk of pc time in the afternoon, usually from 3pm-6pm.

2. What verses are you involved in outside of this page?

This is the only blog I have dedicated to rp, my other active blogs are personal ones. My xi/v fandom blog doesn't count lol

3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve?

I've answered this question quite a bit but another pet peeve of mine is people being unable to accept that their writing partners have lives outside of rp.

We can't all be online and productive all of the time and to compare someone's output to another mun's (as in 'so and so is a better than you or a more dedicated/invested partner than you because they're online more') is the biggest load of passive aggressive shit I have ever heard, a thing made worse because it's a mindset that can easily shift into outright aggressive harassment and hate. Respecting someone includes respecting their time and life as well.

Be grateful that they're choosing to spend what free time they have writing with you rather than making them feel bad or inferior when they can't. If you feel ignored or left out because someone isn't online as often as you'd like? Too bad. Communicate with them like a fucking adult and accept what they tell you, because chances are it's not some personal vendetta against you it's because they're busy with their actual life and they'd be online more if they could. We're all doing our best here so have actual legitimate respect for your partners and understand when they can't be here for whatever reason.

4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses?

Old men. Villains. 'Villains'. Morally questionable muses. I'm generally drawn towards writing the really complex characters that are often ignored, hated, or shallowly interpreted by their respective fandoms---which is a thing I cannot fucking stand and have ranted about at length in various ooc posts and asks so I won't do it again here. I love writing psychologically tortured and/or troubled muses, usually males. OCs are rare from me but there are a few on this blog. I'm not creative enough to write OC's get off my ass lol

5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice?

Hmmm...it honestly depends on what genre I'm writing. A lot of my more thematic stuff makes an appearance when I'm writing angst or horror but a lot of the more in depth stuff would have to be gleaned due to actually speaking to me ooc at length. If someone engages in really deep discussions about a particular muse of mine I'm absolutely certain that they'll begin to notice focus points and etc within my writing because of how in depth I talk about those aspects ooc, if that makes sense? Honestly, the best people to ask about this would be @kllsworn @guardianofyesod and @magioffire, if there are people whom I trust to know how I deeply I feel about my characters and how much I utilize every bit of work I've put forth in my writing it's them!

From a purely technical standpoint my writing has definitely changed over the years---especially in regards to how I emphasize things---and I recommend not looking at my older works (as in from my og blog, the old stuff on this blog is still....serviceable shall we say, although there are marked changes there too) unless I direct you there myself.

6. What are your favourite RP trends?

idk if you'd call it a 'trend' per say but I love love love being tagged in posts and tagging people in things. Finding a musings or aesthetics post that fits a partner's muse, a ship of ours, etc, perfectly? I'll tag whomever in it so fast I'm liable to hurt my hands. This goes double when I link said post to them over on discord (with an accompaniment of joyous keysmash and all capital screeching) seconds later. it's such a small way to show that you're invested in the person you're writing with; especially the things that you're cultivating together, and it makes me really happy every time I get the chance to do it.

7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone?

With new people---especially people with OCs or with people who aren't really all that familiar with a muse I'm writing---I prefer to plot.

Plotting with me is usually a low key affair anyhow; it's basically me figuring out what someone is interested in and what triggers they might have so I can direct you towards a muse you might like rather than plotting out an entire story or thread. The only time I'll truly 'plot' something is if there's a really important story beat or idea that I want to do within an interaction and want to make sure it's okay with my partner beforehand otherwise we're winging that shit baby.

I don't mind receiving asks from newer mutuals but I'm not too keen on every single interaction having been continued from an ask. A few of these are fine but if there are a ton of them it gets hard for me to keep track of them and I just like...having an official thread with a title, a proper tag, etc. It gives me something more solid to reference back to, especially when excitedly talking about interactions and etc together.

On a more basic note: the main way to write with me is just to communicate with me. People seem to avoid doing this even after I'm the first one to approach, offer to swap discords, etc. A lot of the time people like to assume that I'm a scary or intimidating person and that I don't want to interact with them which just...isn't the case. Take the initiative and speak with me---even just a simple hello and an indication that you want to write together will do---and I'd be more than happy to work things out with you. I shouldn't have to be the one to approach people all of the time, especially considering I'm constantly offering opportunities and ways to approach me, from calls to memes and so on.

8. How do you feel about duplicates?

I am highly selective about duplicates; especially so considering my more niche characters that are usually woefully mischaracterized or under characterized, and you can read more about that in my rules if only to spare this post from multiple potentially rambling paragraphs. lol

9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying?

Years---probably too many years, honestly. I started when I was about 9 or 10 (with pen and paper) and have been on various platforms all across the internet as I grew up. Concerning tumblr I started my og blog in 2012 and then I switched everything over here in 2017 and am, unfortunately for everyone here, still around.

10. Is there a muse or verse you wish you could write in, but haven’t?

Not currently, no. I try my best not to limit or dampen myself in that way and if something or someone inspires me to write I try my best at writing it. Some of my best muses have surfaced from me being nervous to write them after all, and said nerves have only made it so I'm extra thorough in my characterization and etc! There are a few past muses from years and years ago that I do miss writing for though.

[chrisevansszn]

THE GAMES WE PLAY‼

This is a story about you and Chris journey after filming your first movie together. Life comes at you fast. 👀

1.2k word count

 

 

                     You and Chris just finishing up shooting a movie together. A little romantic film, and it was time for press tours. The film took six months to film in Atlanta, GA. You flew back home to Texas for a week of rest, and he went back home to Boston. You can Chris developed an amazing friendship during filming. This was your breakout film, and to have the privilege to shoot a movie with Chris Evans! You couldn’t believe it!

 

*Income Facetime from Chris*

 

“Hey Chris”, you answered. You were just sitting in your living room watching a football game on tv. You could hear Dodger bark in the background. “Y/N, what are you up to”, Chris asked. “Just sitting watching some football” “I have never met a woman who loves football the way you do, I swear”. He giggled. “Chris, I watched it all NFL and college football”. “That’s crazy. I just absolutely love that”. You laugh. What do you have going on today? “I just took Dodger to the dog park, and now we are back. Football for me too!” You watch Chris walk to his kitchen, he’s chatting away, and grabs a beer. While filming you and Chris constantly went to bars, or played drinking games at each other’s rental homes, and you could hang with him too! “Let’s take a shot”, you say. He stopped and looked at his screen. “That’s my girl” You both grab a shot of liquor and cheer through the phone. “Scott is calling me. Let me get this call. I can wait to see you Friday in NYC.” “Same, talk to you later”, you say and hang up the phone.

 

The week goes by and you fly out to NYC for interview with Chris. First up, Jimmy Fallon.

 

“As you both know, I was able to see this with early access, and the film is incredible! Your on screen chemistry has me reeled all the way in”, Jimmy says. “Chris, I really notice how touchy feely you were this entire film”. Chris blushes. “Noooooo, were not going to make me look like a creep”, he laughs. “I was just dedicated to the craft. You smile, a smidge embarrassed. You and Chris rubbed and touched all over each other while filming this. You both were just super comfortable with each other. The audience goes wild. “Y/N, how was it shooting those intimate scenes?”, Jimmy asked you. You smile, “Work was really nice.” Jimmy died laughing. Chris looked over at you and gave you one of those smiles. 

 

There was sexual tension between you and Chris, but it wasn’t obvious. It was little moments when you guys would smile at each other, or just look into each other eyes. Who could resist those beautiful blue eyes?

 

You guys had interviews a few more late-night shows, and then it was off to Los Angeles for the premiere. You were so nervous, because this was your very first one! Chris offered for you to stay with him at his LA home. You were only going to be in LA for a few days anyway. You accepted. Chris arrived in LA first, because you look at later flight so you could visit your friend Jessica in NYC. You haven’t seen her in years! You landed in LA at about 7PM, Chris had a car to pick you up from the airport. When you arrived at his house you could believe it. It was absolutely stunning, and huge. Way too big for a bachelor and his dog.

 

The driver opens the door for you, and you see Chris walking outside. “Y/N you made it”, he says. “Hi Chris,”. You run up and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much for letting me stay for a few days”. “Absolutely, anything for my favorite girl. Plus, I didn’t want to get ready alone”. You blushed, he called you his favorite girl! He grabs your luggage from the drive and both walk in the house. Dodger is lounging on the couch until he sees you. He comes running. “Hi Dodger.” You give him rubs, and he gives you kisses in return. “He loves attention,” Chris says. “Like his daddy”, you blurt out giggling. Chris dies laughing. “Are you hungry?” I made dinner if you are. “Um, yes. When am I not hungry?”

 

Chris made salmon, asparagus, and rice. It looked and smelled amazing. You both sit down to eat and he opens up a bottle of wine.

 

“I am absolutely terrified about the premiere tomorrow. Having everyone’s eyes on me gives me major anxiety”, you say. “Same, it doesn’t really get easy. I get butterflies every time”. You both finish dinner, and you suggest some drinking games. Beer pong up first! Chris sets up the game. It’s his favorite, but he knows you are a beast as well. Let’s go live in Instagram he says. That’s extremely odd. Chris never goes live on IG. “Sure”, you say. He sets up his phone and starts the live. He’s talking shit per the usual.  “Ladies, first” You shoot and miss. “This is going to be cake”, he says. “All you do is talk shit”, you blurt. He shoots and misses. “Chris, what the fuck!”, he hollers. You giggle. You shoot and it goes into a cup. “Ok”, he says and nods his head up and down. You shoot again and make it, and again, and again. He couldn’t believe it. “Y/N, you are kidding me right??”. “Talking all that shit, you knew better. Let end this….KOBE!”, you hollering while shooting into the last cup, and it goes in. Chris made one cup to your ten.

 

You walk up his phone to talk to his live. “See what happens when you talk shit!” Chris comes behind you and picks you up by the waist and moves you from the phone, and then he goes back. “Noooo IG, were having a rematch right now”. He cannot stop laughing. You guys play another round of beer pong, flip cup, and then tic tac toe. You won every game. By that time, it’s around 11PM, not only were you both drinking beer but having shots of vodka all recorded on live. You both say goodnight to the live audience and clean up the mess.

 

“I am going to go take a shower and then lay it down”, you say. “Let me take you to your room”, Chris replies. You follow him down the hall to a guest bedroom. It was stunning, walls were painted grey, its own living area, and the view you can’t even describe.

 

“Here you go, all yours”, Chris says. “Thank you.” “Bathroom is over here, closet if you want to hang your clothes, and a living space.” “I love it.” “If you need anything let me know”. Chris kisses your cheek and walks back down the hall towards his room. “Come on Dodge…bedtime”. You hear him say.  You take a shower and get into bed. It has been a long day and you are tired!

 

It’s the big day!  The premiere of your first movie ever. The anxiety you are feeling can’t be described. Think about all of the fans and flashing lights, my goodness. Your team comes over to prepare your hair and make-up. The guest bathroom is so large everyone can fit. Chris’ team is at the other end of the hall getting him together. The premiere starts at 7PM. You are wearing a black fitted long velvet down, with huge emerald earrings. You dress comes with hand gloves that go up to your elbow, and you are wearing open toed Christian Louboutin heels. Chris is wearing an amazing blue suit with a white undershirt, and brown shoes. Chris walks into your room as you are finishing up. “You look beautiful,”, he says and smiles. You blush. “Thank you, sir, you look amazing as well”. You both head out of his home get into the back of the Cadillac Escalade the company sent. You and Chris made jokes the entire 30-minute ride to the theatre. He pulls out his God-awful iPhone 6 and snaps a couple of pictures of you guys. You finally arrive. There are two men awaiting and open each door for you both to get out and Chris comes around to your side. He grabs your hand and you both walk down the red carpet. The flash from all of the cameras is causing you to barely see. Chris still has your hand, and he is leading the way. There are so many other celebrities on the red carpet, fans are waving and calling your and, you have no idea where to look. You and Chris finally arrive at the first area of red-carpet photos. “Y/N, over here, Y/N over here” is all you can hear as you pose.

 

You look up a Chris, and he looks at you.

 

“You look so fucking sexy, I could fuck you right here on this red carpet”, Chris whispers in your ear.

 

WHAT DID HE JUST FUCKING SAY???

I hope you all enjoy this! 💞💞💞💞💞

[hopelesshawks]

Ash and Dust Part 6- Small Victories

18+ Dabi x fem!reader (MINORS DNI)

Summary: You first meet Dabi on the worst night of your life after unwittingly walking into the very bar the League of Villains made infamous. That should probably be the end of the story. You stumble on the remnants of one of the most infamous terrorist groups in the history of Japan, get viciously murdered or call the cops and get them arrested, the end. Except that’s not the end of the story. It’s only the beginning.

Masterlist Help Lulu (Kofi)

It’s been a month now.

A month of the worst game you’ve ever played in your entire life.

Dabi enjoys the back and forth the two of you have, that much is clear. He seems to get a sick thrill prodding you to see what elicits a quip out of you and what renders you speechless. It’s nerve-wracking constantly standing up to him, trying to navigate the line between jabs that will amuse him and those that will genuinely anger him. By now you feel you’ve got a pretty solid handle on where that line is. You’ve made an art form out of treading around it, but every so often you’ll say something particularly witty or biting and there will be a moment of silence. Those cold blue eyes will fix on you and your heart will pound in your chest. You used to identify the feeling as fear but you think it’s something else now, something you’re unwilling to put a name to. That one moment always seems to extend infinitely before collapsing back in on itself as the words sink in and you pull another amused smirk or even a full-blown cackle from the man. You don’t think he likes you per se, but there’s a persistent fascination that you’re pretty sure makes him want to keep you around. If that were the only facet of the game you think you could live with it, but there’s one more thing.

Dabi is determined to keep you unemployed.

Or perhaps more accurately he’s determined to see how long it’ll take you to give up on being employed.

Every morning for the past month you’ve attempted to get a new job and every morning for the past month Dabi has managed to fuck it up for you one way or the other. From preventing you from doing any prep work for the numerous interviews you’ve attempted to set up, to sabotaging your morning to ensure you show up late, he’s done it all. On one occasion he pretended to be your concerned husband calling to cancel the interview on your behalf, on another he’d burned all of the paperwork you’d needed to bring in to cinders. The interviewers hadn’t been very amused when you opened your manila envelope only for ash to come slipping out and onto the table instead of the requested files. The only reason you aren’t terrified of being unable to pay the rent is because of your artwork. A sentence you never thought would apply to you.

Those two retweets you’d gotten on the Deku painting you’d posted had quickly grown to twenty, then thirty, then a hundred, and then a couple hundred. A few people had even started tagging Deku himself in hopes of drawing his attention to it. The recognition had drawn people to your page and then, finding no other work there, to your dm’s, begging for copies of the painting or their very own Deku fanart. It had reached the point that a couple weeks ago you had decided to start advertising commissions and a few people had taken you up on the offer. It’s not much, but between the commissions and your savings, it would be enough to get you through this month’s rent at least.

You love creating art and it’s surreal getting to do what you love to pay some of your bills, but between spending more time slouched in front of your easel or over a sketchbook and sleeping on the couch, your back is the sorest it’s ever been. As you finish getting ready for bed, slipping into a pair of comfortable pajama shorts and an old college t-shirt, you stare at your bedroom door longingly, yearning for the comfort of your mattress. As you hear the creaking of its springs, a sign Dabi must be crawling into bed after another successful day of fucking your life up, something in you snaps. Your feet carry you into your bedroom, shoving the door open with righteous indignation. You’re a little surprised to see that Dabi is shirtless as he lies in the bed nonchalantly, brow quirking at your sudden entrance. Your eyes can’t help but wander over his chest, noting where scarred tissue is stapled to unmarred flesh but also drinking in the lean muscle on display.

“Ever heard of knocking Doll?”

The sound of his voice breaks you from your thoughts.

“Sorry what?” you ask, cheeks heating up as you realize where your mind had gone.

“I didn’t take you for a pervert but here you are, bursting into my room just to ogle me,” Dabi teases, and immediately your embarrassment from before melts into anger.

“Your room? This is my room! And that’s my bed! And I didn’t come in here to ogle you, I came to sleep in my bed in my room in my apartment!”

“I have zero intention of leaving this bed, but I don’t recall ever saying you couldn’t sleep here.”

Your eyes narrow at him. He’s so smug you want to wipe that stupid look off his face. He’s bluffing and it’s a damn good bluff but it’s a bluff all the same.

“What’s wrong, Doll? Scared to sleep next to the big bad Wolf?” he smirks and that’s the last straw.

Without a word, you storm over towards the bed and practically launch yourself into the limited space Dabi isn’t occupying. You groan appreciatively and within minutes you’re under the covers and getting comfortable. When you look up to Dabi’s face where he’s still sitting up there’s a brief moment of genuine shock and discomfort that flits across his features. It’s gone as quickly as it appeared but a smug feeling of triumph swells in your chest in response.

“What’s wrong Dabi? Scared to sleep next to your Doll?” you smirk and the amount of serotonin you get seeing the look on his face could last you a lifetime. It’s a combination of affronted at your audacity, annoyed you’d called him on his bluff, and begrudgingly impressed you’d had the courage to do it. “We both know I’m not scared of anything,” he growls. “Then sleeping next to each other shouldn’t be a problem, should it? Since I’m not scared and you’re not scared,” you fire back. “No, it shouldn’t.”

Dabi makes himself comfortable as you both stare each other down, daring the other to chicken out and move to the couch outside. Stubbornness cements you both in place though and eventually with a smug goodnight you roll over to face away from him. You hear him scoff and do the same but it feels distant as your aching body settles into the mattress and you drift off to sleep.

A/N: I am very much obsessed with the dynamic reader and Dabi are forming and really enjoy the idea of her feeling out where the line is between “I’m gonna fire back and he’ll be amused my puny ass had the tits to do it” and “oh he’s genuinely pissed and debating ending my life”

Taglist: @thechroniclesofawriter @simpsfortodoroki @ahtsuwu @oliviasslut @larkspyrr @oikawaandkuroostan @tina-98 @vibesdontlie