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armpirate · 29 days

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Kalla | Choi San || Chapter 22

MASTERLIST Previous || Next

Pairings: CEO!San x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers.

Warnings: dom!San, sub!reader, voyeourism, use of sex toys, bondage, dirty talk, BDSM, exhibitionism, rough sex.

Summary: She was surprised by how fast her life went from the perfect fairytale to the destructive mess it had turned into. Dealing with a cheater ex boyfriend, having to move out to a different place because the house she lived in belonged to that man she once dreamed of spending the rest of her life with, while continuously being underappreciated at work... It was as if life was telling her to stop dreaming big, to go back to her small town, Bibury, and help her parents run the small farm her family had owned for decades.

At least until she received a call from her friend.

A sudden vacancy as an assistant showed up on one of her friend's system, having her being encouraged to take that big step and apply for it. She had no hopes for it. Mainly because she didn't have any experience on the field, and she didn't comply with most of the requirements that were added on the offer -and which most of them sounded ridiculous and exaggerated for the position, making her wonder who was the freak who needed so many guidelines in order to hire someone to pick up the phone and schedule events.

Although that hotel she'd be working on was much more than anything she could've come up with.

Choi San wasn't someone easy to deal with. After his previous assistant presented his resignation letter on his desk, he felt forced to start the whole selection process again -after merely two months.

Sure that he was being way too strict, enough to find that anyone who applied for the position wasn't enough, he asked one of his friends to be in charge of the interviews and the selection of the most adequate candidate.

Little did he know Wooyoung would hire the imperfectly perfect candidate for him, sure that she'd help him in many ways other than just in dealing with the responsibilities of his position.

A new challenge will come their way as soon as she steps inside the hotel.

Y/n will have to learn how to mold onto him and deal with all his small habits and requirements, and San will find himself trying to open up and let out all those same things that turned him into the person he was.

The more she digs in Kalla and all of its secrets and exciting corners, the deeper she'll dive into San's heart and soul... Although, maybe, she won't be able to take it.

Kalla opens its doors to you, sharing the vast amount of filthy and erotic plans it offers, and that you can join with a partner... Or maybe just by yourself.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Chapter duration: 20 minutes

Chapter warnings: Dom!Sanxsub!reader, teasing, edging, sex toys (love egg), public stimulation, public orgasm, masturbation (female receiving), BDSM, exhibitionism, thigh riding, dirty talk

Two knocks at her door interrupted her process of getting ready for the meeting, getting her to sigh before asking who was the person knocking at her door so early in the morning. His voice sounded sweet like honey from the other side of the wood, letting Y/n know that he was the one waiting for her.

—Are you dressed?

—I'm on it —she let him know, approaching the door—. I won't take too long. If you give me a second...

—I'll undress you anyway. Open up —he let her know with a serious tone, standing in front of the door.

Her steps were shy and hesitant, before she showed up in front of him with a half unbuttoned shirt barely covering her lilac cotton panties. His stance was always intimidating, with a new aura of proximity and familiarity that made her not care about being half naked in front of him while he was fully clothed with a soft gray suit.

—Did something happen? —she asked, looking into his eyes before the white box in his hand grabbed her attention— What's that?

—You'll see now. Can I come in?

Her body moved to the side, allowing him to walk inside by giving him enough space to move forward. The wood felt rough under her fingerprints as she caressed it slowly before closing it, hardly gulping when she heard the click of her door.

She had no idea why, but she expected San to be at the level of her bed. She was surprised when his arm hooked around her waist and his lips collided against her in a rough kiss that almost made her lose her balance. His mouth was possessive, claiming her and her soul like she had never been meant to kiss anyone else, and his tongue colonized every corner, making it known it belonged to him from now on.

The small touch of their tongues had her nipples tightening against her bra, almost making it painful for her to even be close to him.

He suddenly moved back, making the sucking sound echo in those four walls, before looking at her with a hunger she had never seen in his eyes before.

His thumb went back to sliding over her wet lower lip, feeling her warm breath coating his skin while he felt her intense gaze all over his face. San just loved that attention coming from her, how she watched his every move carefully.

She loved thinking she'd ever be able to read through his movements.

But he was completely able to read through hers.

Before her hand could reach the zip of his pants, his fingers trapped her wrist, moving her hand up her head.

—Should I make you a mess right now —he wondered, his thumb making circles over her veins—, or should I punish you and be patient for tonight?

—I see an easy answer —she replied with a smirk—. What has you struggling so much?

His smirk turned a dark vibe that almost had her pressing her thighs in front of him, keeping eye contact when he slid his fingers through her palm. It was such a soft touch, but so torturing at the same time, the air was getting stuck in her lungs.

—Honestly, I wouldn't struggle if we didn't have a meeting in thirty minutes —his fingers moved down her arm, reaching the most sensitive part—. You have no idea the big effort I'm making not to move your bra down —his nail traced the skin that was over the edge of the fabric—, and close my lips around your nipple. Feel how it slowly gets hard against my tongue, because your body just can't resist me.

Her gulp was loud, while keeping her arm over her head despite San not holding her down anymore. The reverse of his finger kept moving down her body, teasing the lacey edge of her panties while covering her lips with his warm breath and all those filthy words that were making her go insane.

—And don't make me say everything I want to do to your pussy —his fingers ventured lower, traveling her slit over the fabric—. Because I'd love to have you right here, pounding into you just to let you know who owns you and takes the decisions here.

As much as she tried, her lips kept feeling dry every time she moved her tongue over them. It for sure felt as if all the humidity went to one place only.

San's smirk grew when he pressed his fingers a little bit harder, feeling the fabric slicking through her folds so easily his dick throbbed against his pants.

—And why won't you do that? —she dared to ask.

Instead of a verbal answer, his fingers found her clit over the fabric, starting to make slow wide circles that turned smaller to focus on her swollen button only.

—Because I have something better planned for you. Sit at the edge of the bed.

She followed him, admiring how the muscles of his back moved as he took off his jacket, throwing it over the bed. With two hands in his pockets, he turned to her again, eyes demanding her to do as she was told.

When Y/n sat over the edge, it didn't take long for her to be placed the exact same way he needed her to after taking off her panties, flexed knees and heels over the curve of the mattress to keep her thighs as spread as possible.

The filthiness of his stare had her feeling the leak from her hole, feeling tempted to close her eyes, but only able to focus on how skillfully he opened the box, which he threw carelessly next to her once he got a bright pink object out of it. It had the shape of an egg, although it looked a bit slimmer, and it had a thin string connected to it.

His heart and ring finger fell over her lips, with nothing else needed to be said to her to start sucking them and getting them wet just like San expected.

That new thing felt cold and soft on her folds when he started moving it up and down her slit to get it as wet as possible. He used those same fingers to stretch her out, moving them up and down her channel until her hips were rolling against his hand, stopping right before she could even notice.

Y/n didn't feel empty for long, because he made those same movements with the new object, before he kept it inside, putting her panties back on and standing straight while his mouth sucked any remains of her arousal.

—And this is it?

—Disappointed, kitten? —he tilted his head— It's a love egg. The only thing you need to do is wear it during the meeting without letting anyone know you're wearing it. You think you can do that?

—Is that the punishment? —she almost scoffed, a side smile drawing on her face that she'd soon regret.

—Text me the safe word if it feels like it's too much —he picked up his jacket, putting it back on—. Now finish getting ready, I'll be waiting for you in the lobby.

It was way too easy to be the punishment. She couldn't even remember what that punishment was for anyway.

The egg didn't bother her while she got dressed, nor when she got inside the cab under his attentive gaze, and it for sure didn't make her feel uncomfortable when she was introduced to one of the partners they'd meet while in London.

—Hongjoong —San cheered with a smile—. It's so good to see you again.

—It's good to have you back in London, too

Both men trapped each other in a tight hug, palming each other's back softly before moving away.

—This is Y/n, my new secretary.

—And she hasn't run away yet? —Hongjoong scoffed.

She remembered when she couldn't understand why everyone said that about him, how naive she was.

—Nice to meet you, sir —she bowed.

—No "sir" allowed —he quickly corrected her, before he led them both to the meeting room in the building.

The place was already in full swing when San and Y/n arrived.

The boardroom was elegant, with large windows letting in the morning sunlight, and the long table was filled with executives discussing the details of the upcoming product launch. Y/n took her seat beside San, trying to focus on the conversation, but she could feel the weight of his gaze on her.

—Remember what we talked about earlier? —San leaned in slightly, his voice low and controlled, just for her ears.

She nodded, her heart racing. The memory of their conversation in her hotel room flashed through her mind. At the time, she hadn’t taken him too seriously, she wasn't even sure how he'd make it more difficult than that. Now, sitting in the meeting, she wasn’t so sure he'd be so easy on her.

He slipped his hand discreetly into his pocket, producing a small, sleek remote. Her breath caught as she realized what it was. Before she could say anything, he pressed a button, and a low hum began deep inside her.

She bit her lip, trying to maintain her composure as the vibrator egg he had placed earlier came to life. The sensation was subtle at first, a gentle reminder of his control, but it quickly became more insistent.

San’s expression remained calm, professional, as he listened to the presentation, when she couldn't do anything but try to hide the fact that she was unable to find a comfortable position to sit. Under the table, his hand brushed against her thigh, a silent command for her to stay still, to endure.

The contrast between his outward demeanor and the secret they shared sent a shiver down her spine.

She shifted in her seat, her mind struggling to keep up with the meeting as the vibrations continued. Every time she tried to focus, another wave of sensation would hit, making it harder to think, harder to pretend everything was normal. San’s control over the remote was meticulous -he would increase the intensity just as someone asked her a question or when she was expected to speak.

She didn't know what difficult was until San looked at her when the room was filled with murmurs, as they prepared to move on to the next part of the meeting.

—Before we continue on how Kalla will be involved, I want to introduce my new secretary, and someone some of you have been in contact with through emails. Say some words.

Her gaze was as intimidating as his after he said those words, barely finding air to form some simple words in her native language.

Her brain was broken.

When it was finally her turn to present, she stood up, her legs a bit unsteady. She could feel San’s eyes on her, watching, waiting to see how she would handle it. She took a deep breath and began speaking, doing her best to keep her voice steady. As she talked, the vibrations intensified, pushing her to the edge of her endurance. It took every ounce of self-control to keep from faltering.

Sudden stuttering, some cracks in her voice, even the loss of some of her balance almost exposed her, yet she fought hard to remain as professional as she could.

When she finished, the room applauded, but all she could think about was the look in San’s eyes -a mix of amusement and something darker, more possessive.

But the vibrations didn't finish once he stood up to present. With one hand in his pocket, he shifted the rhythm of the vibrations into powerful ones that ran through her body as if he were looking for her to lose her mind slowly, at the pace he was presenting with such ease.

The heat covered her body, her senses sensitized ten times more, and her focus was thrown out the window when she could almost feel her juices leak around the string and make a mess on her panties.

Her legs were crossed, her body slightly twisted on her seat, and her lips were closed, earning a new skill she didn't know she had. At some point it felt her throat closed, while she fought to keep that moan to herself.

San dedicated one quick glance and small smile at her, making her aware that he knew everything she endured and how well she did it.

He returned to his seat, the vibrations finally subsiding as he turned off the remote. Relief washed over her, but it was mixed with a lingering thrill of what had just happened.

San leaned in again, his voice barely above a whisper:

—You did well. But this isn’t over yet.

A shiver ran through her, not just from his words but from the promise they held. The rest of the meeting passed in a blur, and when it was finally over, she stood, gathering her things, trying to compose herself.

As they left the room together, he placed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her out.

—Tonight —he murmured—, we’ll finish what we started. I want to take you to one place.

Her heart raced at the thought, knowing that whatever San had in mind, it would push her boundaries even further. But despite the uncertainty, she couldn’t deny the thrill of anticipation.

She barely saw San after that meeting, until the night came and he showed up at her door with that darkness she was almost getting used to. Although it only took them a few minutes together, a nice dinner while sharing a bottle of wine, to find back that glow in him -which was even more evident with the black turtle neck he was wearing.

The taxi stopped in front of a big establishment, lit with thick neon lights on each side of the door. It actually looked like a nightclub from afar. Holding her hand tight, San tried to make sure she didn't feel like she was alone while they made their way to the door.

—Password? —the black suited man asked.

—Abduction.

Y/n frowned when she heard that word. Was it really that simple? A short word only and they were in.

—Nice to see you, Mr. Choi.

After greeting San, the man stepped to the side and opened the door for them. His grip was still tight on her, only getting harder before they reached the wardrobe. He stopped her tracks so she'd pay attention to him.

—Remember the safe word —she nodded— Use it if there's something you don't like, alright?

—Is it really so tough? —she teased him, a mocking smile painting her face.

—It's not what you've read or seen, that's for sure —he reminded her, knowing well her idea of BDSM was still quite soft—. Just say your word as soon as you feel uncomfortable.

Looking into his eyes, Y/n moved her head up and down. She wasn't sure what she'd find once they got inside there, but instead of being scared or nervous, she was eager to see it by herself, feeling tempted to let go of his grip and step inside the club by herself.

The place was dark, only lit with purple and bright pink lights that barely allowed her to see a thing. There wasn't much to see in that place anyway, there were barely any decorations, except for some tall plants that went completely unnoticed due to the darkness.

Her body squirmed, and her nipples jumped against the tight fabric of her dress when his fingers traced the exposed skin of her back.

—Collect your hair for a second —San's honey voice whispered in her ear.

Y/n did as she was told, raising her hair with hands, feeling something cold on each side of her neck and a light weight on her chest. When curiously moving one of her hands up to her collarbones, she found a thick leather chain with a rounded pendant.

—Is it yours?

—No —he allowed her to turn around again—. It's the club's. It's used so the people in there know the submissive has an owner and shouldn't be touched, it doesn't matter the circumstance —he explained—. And if someone wants to interact with you, they should talk to me first.

It was new, it was strange, and she even felt pathetic when her clit throbbed at the idea. She for sure didn't expect that the idea of wearing a dog collar, to settle whether she belonged to someone or not, would have her so excited.

—So what do people do here exactly? —she asked, trying to hear some information before they crossed the door.

—Doms bring their subs, and show their sessions in front of everyone. Although not always it's like that. Sometimes a dom picks up a random sub that doesn't have an owner.

—Have you ever done it?

—Yeah —he nodded—. Not with a random sub though. I think I'd rather keep that level of trust and intimacy with someone I'm comfortable with.

San intertwined their fingers again when she remained silent with his answer, walking towards the double door. Starting over again wasn't something he was looking forward to, or that made him feel excited. At least not after he found some stability with Hyori and finally had someone that understood what he liked, but also shared what she liked.

The smell of sex invaded her nostrils fast, adding a bit of incense to the mix while they made their way deeper inside. Unlike The Spadix, that place was a whole big room with a big stage placed in the middle of dark red leather sofas.

—Do you want something to drink? —was the first question he dedicated to her when they reached one of the spots on the second row.

Her throat was dry just thinking about what was about to happen, so she nodded fast to his question, allowing him to choose whatever he felt was appropriate for that moment. Even if he just brought water.

All her confidence was vanishing away under the curious and lascivious eyes of some of the people that took some of the spots already. And neither of them looked away when she dared to look back. Instead, they smiled, dedicating a small grin before their focus shifted somewhere else.

—Your neck looks beautiful with that collar —he made sure to let her know.

Her dress was already doing things to him back in the restaurant, but seeing it adorned with that leather collar and her intrigued expression was doing wonders. He didn't know if it was the way it looked aesthetically on her, or what it meant -making it known to everyone, and to him, that for that short time she belonged to him only.

—Did you ever gift one to somebody?

San took the spot to her right, handing her the glass filled with a dark liquid -similar to the one he had on his hand.

—No —he shook his head.

There was some type of grace about gifting a sub a collar, but also so intimate... It was as if he wanted to create a deeper bond, although he never really had the chance to do so. The possessiveness, but also the closeness that a single object had never made him uncomfortable, but it was something he never had the chance to experience.

The place went dark, interrupting their intense eye contact, before their attention switched to the only place in the room being lit up by a clearer and white light.

The woman that was standing in the middle of the sage had a similar collar to the one she was using, although that one was a bit thicker and brighter. The naked short-haired woman, who was probably in her thirties, was joined by a taller man a second after. Unlike her, he was completely dressed in black and basic clothes, holding a brown rope in one of his hands as he approached her.

He gave her one short kiss, moving to her back ro wrap the ropes around her body. Her breasts perked up tight around the tough fabric, as he tightened the grip and topped it with a secured knot. He continued with the loosened part at the top, whispering to her to raise her hands. And she did. She moved them up, until her wrists were touching the back of her shoulders, and stayed fixed in that position after he tied another knot on each scapula.

By the time he was done with those knots, her breasts were starting to lose the honey-toned skin, turning to a light purple that made Y/n gulp thick. She looked at San, waiting for any expression on his face, but it was neutral, looking attentively at everything that was happening in front of their eyes.

—Do you see the way she has her focus on him only despite having people watching her? —he whispered— How she's doing everything to please her dom.

The woman emitted a gasp when the man placed two spins on her nipples -that seemed to have balls of plumbs hanging from each one of them. She pressed her thighs tight when she imagined herself in that situation, while San was the one settling everything. If she thought the man next to her didn't notice, then she thought of herself as more slick than she actually was.

He noticed the way she was moving on her seat, and how tense her thighs looked while he was doing it. She certainly wasn't the best at pretending.

Y/n turned to him when she felt the fabric of her dress caressing her thighs to the higher side of her thigh, almost exposing her underwear.

—People will see us —she whispered, thinking that'd stop him.

—That's the point.

One arm was settled around her shoulders, to find his own comfort, while the other dug deeper on her thighs.

—Spread your legs for me.

Something wasn't working properly in her brain. Because while one side of her didn't want to do it, her body reacted to his words almost at the same moment he pronounced them. The hand on her nape made sure her eyes would be on the stage, while the other rubbed through her slit over her panties. His dick twitched at the feeling of her slick through the fabric, growing thick and bigger when he pulled her underwear aside and coated his fingers with her arousal.

—Did this show make you this wet? —he asked, moving his finger up and down slowly over the hood of her clit— Or was it thinking about me doing all those things to you up there?

—Thinking —she managed to answer.

Her cheeks were burning with shame, knowing that some of the eyes in the place shifted to them as soon as they started speaking to each other. But her whole body felt so hot, so eager for him, that it disappeared every time she tried to think about it.

She jumped on the spot when she heard a spark, followed by another one right after, making her realize how she zoned out, focusing on her own pleasure only, to the point of being able to omit what was in front of her. With every new electric shock the man was landing on her lower belly and her breasts, San's fingers traced faster circles on her clit.

He suddenly stopped, dragging her body on top of his thigh, still facing the stage.

—Ride my thigh —he commanded, both hands holding her hips.

It took her only a second to start rocking her hips back and forward, shiverings running over her body with every rub of her clit against the rough fabric of his jeans.

He helped her movements, cupping her hips with his hands, and trying to press her body against his leg as much as possible, while also making sure her eyes were still up on the stage. Holding her throat, he forced her back to lay on his chest, able to hear her silent whimpers and muted gasps with every stroke.

—That's what I'm going to do to you —he assured her—. I'm going to overstimulate you so much that you'll be crying and asking me to stop.

She had to bite her lip to hold herself back from moaning with his words, mirroring the situation that was going on on the stage in her head with San. Not able to process her high, while the next orgasm was approaching harder over her, while he just gave her a fake empathetic response, giving her a look that only showed how much he enjoyed seeing her in that position.

—Is that what you want daddy to do to you? —he suddenly started circling her clit with his fingers again, moving fast while his fingers enclosed around her throat.

—Yes —she moaned—. Please... I'm gonna cum.

—Wait.

He waited, and edged her until the dom on stage took away the magic wand from his sub. Only then, he approached Y/n's ear.

—Cum. Now.

Those seconds everything disappeared around them. She even felt her own body vanishing slowly when she reached her orgasm, melting in San's arm with no opposition. It was the most strange, yet at the same time most exciting, feeling ever. If she thought there wasn't a possibility to cum harder than the previous time, he was always there to prove her wrong.

She didn't even care about the few eyes on them, and even enjoyed being watched to some extent while she was looking at someone else. It was such a perverted and twisted feeling...

It took her a few minutes for her to recover. And, when she did, he helped her place her clothes properly before they made their way out of that room, going back to the wardrobe.

—That's it? —she looked at him confused, while he unclasped the collar around her neck.

—You wanted more? —he chuckled.

—I mean, you said back in the meeting...

—I meant it —he nodded—. I'm going to fuck you back in one of the private rooms, and then back again in my hotel room. I will be good to you since you took the punishment so well.

Last thing he wanted was seeing Y/n running away after he went too far way too fast. It was better to act with patience and caution, and mold her to that world instead of throwing her into it straightforwardly.

—By the way —she stopped him—, what was it for?

—Remember when a few weeks ago you complained in the car because I didn't let you finish in the restaurant?

Was he still holding onto that?

—What, sugar? You thought I forgot about it? —he gave her a quick kiss— I have good memory when it comes to that. Never forget that.

She held back from rolling her eyes with her smile, holding his hand while she followed him down the long corridor at the left of the long black counter.

Taglist: @brown88

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thelastblackmoon · 5 months

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Anime Japan 2024 Review!

My Sailor Star Fighter Cosplay at Anime Japan 2024

I went to both days of Anime Japan 2024!

The con saw about 133,000 attendees this year, but despite the huge turnout Tokyo Big Sight had plenty of space to handle it. I arrived at around 9am and bought tickets at the door for about $18 USD / 1-day pass. I also picked up my tickets for the next day, so I spent a total of $36 for the whole weekend. I lined up when the doors opened and it took about 45 minutes to enter the con/building which is honestly amazing considering everyone went through a bag check. The weather was ideal, but I imagine if it was too sunny or raining then the wait would be miserable.

Inside I received a detailed floor map that also had English, so it’s convenient for overseas fans who don’t know Japanese but have English skills. The map was incredibly detailed and accurate and helped me find the booths I was looking for easily.

On the subject of booths, the industry presence was INCREDIBLY strong. All the big name Animation Studios had extensive setups. “Booths” is a complete understatement. Some companies had full on sets built with hallways to walk through/view exhibits. Others had complete stage setups with light scaffolding and multiple professional grade cameras & audio recording for live streaming.

I didn’t get tickets for the special stage events, and because my focus was cosplay I didn’t bother getting livestream tickets. The programming seemed extensive from what I saw in the pamphlet I was given as well as the gigantic wall dedicated to posting the schedule. I took a walk around on Sunday when I wasn’t in cosplay and it was honestly breathtaking. There were so many freebies, merch for sale, screens everywhere showing trailers for new releases or showcasing work that has been popular, and speakers playing anime themes. I think if you’re not prepared for an insane amount of stimulation it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

Photographers lining up to photograph my Sailor Star Fighter Cosplay

One the subject of Cosplay, I would have liked to have a little more space for the cosplay area. Cosplay tickets cost an additional $6 USD to participate/use the changing rooms. The rest of the con was so huge, so in comparison it felt cramped when trying to take photos/line up for a shoot. That said, the changing rooms were easy to find and spacious inside. I went as Sailor Star Fighter from Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Cosmos and it was very well received. The dress code is more strict at this convention so while I was moving about (especially on the con floor) I was required to wear something to cover my costume. This didn’t bother me at all though since most cosplayers don’t venture out onto the con floor but stay in the cosplay areas and change if they’d like to walk around. There were a lot of really great cosplays, and I was able to see most of them since nearly all the cosplayers chose to participate in the cosplay parade that went around the con!!

All in all it was an extremely positive experience, and out of all the cons I’ve been to in Japan (which is only about 8 but I’ve been to some multiple times) I’ve enjoyed this one the most in terms of feeling fully immersed in anime/pop culture and really being WOW’d by the setups at every turn. I highly recommend anyone who enjoys anime/animation industries to visit Anime Japan.

A photo of my Sailor Star Fighter Cosplay taken by @ kokensns [Twitter / X]

#cosplay #sailor moon cosmos #three lights #sailor moon cosplay #sailor stars #sailor starlights #three lights cosplay #sailor star fighter #seiya kou #seiya kou cosplay #animejapan #animejapan2024 #japan #japanese anime convention #cosplay in japan

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eldritchmochi · 11 months

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since shit continues to be wild, as evidenced by the oingo boingo voice WEIRD CANCER posts, heres.....

mochi, what the fuck is up with that?? (guts edition) 3.0

1.0 ; 2.0

i apparently have not seen enough specialists so i have an oncologist now. gotta catch 'em all and shit

tl;dr mystery mass did turn out to be technically cancerous. i do not remember the specific type off the top of my head yet but its a weird rare one, because of course it is. luckily its a kind that stays very localized, so it's not gonna pop up anywhere else in my body, and my surgeons did manage to remove all of it with good margins. i am now down the 3rd and 4th part of my duodenum and my gallbladder (which, fun fact, did have signs of chronic gallbladder disease, so i guess i didn't escape that family trend lmao). like all cancers, theres a chance it'll grow back, but if it does, it should be in roughly the same place and is unlikely to be fatal, just annoying

i've got a fuck off big scar building down the centerline of my abdomen, from sternum to groin. it is gnarly as fuck and i am excited to see how it heals. i already have some ideas on how to incorporate it into my tattoos. you can see pictures of it here if you're a morbid freak like me. be sure to look at my reblogs for updates, there will probably be several contained there down the line, for posterity :>

the first like 18hrs post surgery were uh. not fun since it took A WHILE to find some sort of non oral pain management that would actually work for me, so thats great, but sans ng tube, i'm getting by pretty okay with ibuprofen and tylenol with the occasional non-standard opioid. i've been home since tuesday, oct 10th; had a check in with a gp yesterday, oct 13th, and i'm healing well. staples will be removed on the 18th and theoretically i'll be able to keep them >:3c

i'm back to eating semi-normally. still on bowel rest, but it's not as strict as it was before and it's mostly because i am paranoid vs anything required by my doctors. i haven't been nauseous since i went under on oct 4th which is absolutely wild, and i've been experiencing hunger at normal, regular intervals including being able to eat breakfast shortly after i wake up, which i haven't been able to do without a high chance of barfing it back up immediately since i was a teenager

first oncology appt is on oct 23rd. sounds like itll be mostly setting up a plan and schedule for things like regular scans to watch for regrowth and possibly referrals for genetic testing

my pfml back pay came innnnn god only last week holy shit, and my wife got their big chunk of school loans for living expenses so we are mostly fine there. i am arranging with a local queer to come a couple times a week to help with regular chores and stuff at 40 bucks a pop. if anyone would like to sponsor one of those visits or some take out for us, i'm @/sumomomochi on both pp and vnm0

at this point the sort of stuff that would serve us best is GEEFTS. not like, physical things you pay money for necessarily, though if you're a custom dice maker and wanna send us clacky math rocks, i would not say no. things like comments on our fics (mochi's ao3 ; cherry's ao3) or fanart for em, should you be so inclined, would be incredible. cherry is very low key on the internet but i'm chronically online, so other stuff like asks about worldbuilding or fic process or fashion opinions or whatever would be fantastic for me. i am...... incredibly bored after sitting in the same spot for four months now, and i've got another 4-5 weeks of it (:

but! i have a good support system, personally, professionally, and medically, so i'll be alright in the end, just hmm. sure has been a fucking year jesus christ

#mochi rambles #mochi's medical mischief #eventually this'll be consolidated more for like #a less unhinged pinned post once i have the spoons to do a toc for fic stuff as a pinned instead but #ya kno #for now #oingo boingo voice WEIRD CANCER #pennicore

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mr-entj · 1 year

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Hi Mr. ENTJ, congrats on the new job offer. It's good to hear INTJ and Kobe & Co. are doing well, too.

I'm an ENTJ currently in my fourth year of my Computer Science PhD specializing in Machine Learning/Data Mining, and I know that you know how quickly this field moves. There's loads of advice about how "doctoral programs a marathon, not a sprint" and students need to pace themselves and have work-life balance in order to not burn out. Following these principles, I've made it this far unscathed (in terms of mental health deterioration) and managed to stay in my program.

With luck, an understanding advisor, and low amounts of admin work (emails, meetings-that-could-be-emails, etc.), and good self management, I have been able to work 40 hour workweeks for the most part and stay on track. That being said, I am currently in a period of time where I am increasing to 50 hour workweeks in order to meet a conference deadline at the end of June 2023 (time of writing is mid-late April 2023). As long as I show up to work every day and do my best, I expect this paper will be finished by the time my internship starts. This is fine by me; deadlines need to be met, and I want to continue with my current 5-year PhD trajectory (as opposed to taking longer).

Speaking candidly, I have ADHD and am also Autistic, and maintaining this 40hr/week is critical in preventing the "I wake up in the morning wondering if I've accomplished anything meaningful with my life" feeling that gets in the way of me doing very much at all with my day. I also notice that when I am in the *deep throes* of burnout, my ability to pull back and look at the bigger picture takes a nap and I make myopic, hasty decisions. It's a recipe for bad research.

I've relaxed my "good work-life balance" constraint to simply "do not enter the *deep throes* of burnout". My question is for what lies after this period of time: I will be entering a summer research internship. I am concerned I will not perform well at my internship and will not be able to study as hard for full time interviews as a result of my choices now. Any tips for optimizing this recovery time and post-burnout damage control? Is this an ill-posed question, and there is no way to have my cake and eat it too?

Thanks for your time and consideration, Mr. ENTJ.

You can have your cake and eat it too, you'll just need to endure for the next few months.

Some thoughts on your situation in no particular order:

Get therapy and medication for the ADHD and autism if you haven't already. Mental health issues should never be left untreated especially when you're attempting ambitious and difficult goals. It would be like trying to win a race with a broken leg.

Set strict guardrails to get adequate sleep and nutrition. Don't compromise on either of these two because it'll severely impact performance. During the most intense periods of my life, meal planning worked really well so I could grab and go healthy meals without long prep time. Poor health choices lead to low energy, brain fog, and bad moods. Healthy food/snacks, hydration, vitamins, exercise (even a quick 15 minutes of cardio when my scheduled was packed) made me 10x more effective.

Reach out to the summer internship team and learn more about expectations so you can start planning ahead to manage your time and prepare to hit the ground running. Most summer internships aren't time-consuming and energy draining to the point they'd grind you down to dust. This is because interns require a lot of time to onboard which cuts into the 3-month summer term and they have limited access to information, skills, and experience needed to do more complex work. I wouldn't jump the gun and stress about underperforming without knowing the full scope of your role and responsibilities.

Ensure that you have at least one person from your summer internship who can speak highly of you. In the unlikely event you don't perform well in your internship, you'll still walk away with a solid professional reference to use for future full-time job offers. Pro tip: Companies won't interview every single person at the internship even if you fuck up. As long as they can verify you worked there and you have at least 1 person (more is better) who can speak to your abilities, you'll be fine.

Prioritize full-time job interviews > summer internships if the summer internship has a low chance of conversion to a full-time role. If the opposite is true, reverse that order. If you need to prioritize one of these two, prioritize the one that secures your desired outcome.

Focus on outcomes over input. Focus on the things you achieve, the milestones you reach, and the obstacles you overcome-- not the amount of hours you put in. A few weeks ago I fixed a $5 million problem by clearing up a misunderstanding with a 90-minute conversation. This 90-minute conversation was way more impactful than the 40-50 hours of work I put in the previous week. There's that John Wooden quote: "Don't mistake activity for achievement." Benchmark your progress towards achieving a 'meaningful life' with impact, not input.

#work #school #phd #academia #burnout #internship #internships #entj #faq

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tf2-oneshots · 1 year

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As my final request, Soldierspy or Engispy (or both) where Spy is trying to convince the other to sleep, because nothing is going to go wrong in the span of a few hours if you will Just Go To Sleep. either the machine or standing watch can wait. (And if they had a night terror, and are scared to fall asleep, how fitting that the one they were scared of failing is the one to coax them to sleep) *does a fancy bow and leaves for the night/day*

I have SUCH a soft spot for both of them but soldierspy is calling to me🥺

Warnings: mention of night terrors

Rating: Teen and up

Spy has a strict nightly schedule. One so strict that he is asleep in bed at the exact same time every night. A hot bath with lavender soap, a shave where needed, an exfoliation of his skin, a fourth (and final) sweep of her room for enemies, and a bit of reading before the light goes out at exactly 9:45pm. This ensures that the Frenchwoman achieves his required beauty sleep.

Since involving himself with Soldier, however, her routine has shifted. Once relaxing baths are now a fight to keep raccoons out of the tub as Soldier dumps his toy navy boats into the water. Her exfoliant empties much faster now that Soldier insists on trying it. ‘It tickles’, he said, and Spy couldn’t find a real reason to turn him down.

All that she can forgive, but not Soldier’s insistence on standing guard outside the bedroom. At first, it was only until 10:30. The slight dip in the bed unbeknownst to Spy as he slept. Then 11:00. Then 11:30 with each retreat to the bed becoming less gentle. Just last night, it felt as if Soldier had scrambled into the covers before dragging Spy into a bone crushing bear hug. If her arms weren’t trapped, she would have stabbed him from the startling awake.

Tonight is no different. With a ceasefire called, she can afford to stay awake. He glances at the bedside clock, reading 11:48. Spy steps into his slippers and dons an elegant robe to cover the silk nightie she wears. His mask was left on, of course, knowing Soldier has a set of loose lips. Her work gloves replaced with a lace set to prevent her fingerprints from being taken in her sleep. The bedroom door creaks open to reveal said American standing off to the side.

“Mon patriote, it is nearly midnight. Come to bed.” Spy beckons to her lover. His back is straight with hands to their sides and feet pointed forward. The dust on his leather boots a clear indicator that Soldier has yet to even change for the night.

“I will go to the barracks when I am dismissed!” A salute before Soldier is back in place. Spy makes a tsk noise. This won’t do. No, no, she refuses to allow her partner to lose this much sleep each night. She stands in front of Soldier, eyeing the man with a raised brow and hands on the hips.

Spy takes Soldier by the wrist, lifting his hand until he can place gentle pecks upon the knuckles. He then gives a twirl, wrapping Soldier’s massive around around his lithe frame until Spy’s back is pressed to that comfortable chest. She lays a kiss on his wavering face as it struggles to maintain a stoic appearance.

“As much as I love a personal bodyguard, I love a man in my bed even more.” Soldier gulps. He has to stay focused. He needs to watch for the enemy. Someone might roll a grenade into the bedroom while they sleep! What if the enemy Spy tries to stab them in their sleep? He can’t let that happen. He has to protect and serve. That is a soldier’s duty. That is his duty.

“—oldier? Soldier, can you hear me?” Spy had long unwinded herself from the man when he gave no response. She tilts his helmet back to reveal a vacant stare in his eyes. The sudden change in light unintentionally snaps Soldier back to reality. He blinks and looks over to a very concerned Frenchman.

“We could be ambushed.” It didn’t happen last night, or the night before that, or the other night before that, but it might happen this time! He has to stay vigilant. Even if it means punching Scout that one time because he wanted a midnight snack.

“We are safe, mon cher. Please, come to bed. Restless nights are not good for you.” Romantic as the gesture is, it was driving Spy crazy. He can’t bear to see his lover exhausted anymore. His tired gazes and periodic yawning, and those creeping eye bags, are breaking her heart.

Soldier relents, deciding that, okay, maybe he can dial his guard duty back just a tiny bit. Even enemies need sleep, and he’s trained himself in his sleep too! Even the slightest sound of a door opening or a floor creak jolts Soldier awake these days. Nothing can get Spy or himself.

Laid in bed wearing his tank top and sweats, he welcome Spy into his arms. Soldier shuts his eyes, waiting to fall asleep. He can do this. The base is secure. The room is secure. Nothing can hurt Spy or himself while they sleep.

It’s 2:30am when Soldier feels a pair of hands shaking him awake. He sits upright, body drenched in sweat as he scans the bedroom. His eyes land on Spy who sighs once she realizes that Soldier is awake. She inches towards the man, cupping his face with her gloves.

“Mon patriote, you whimpered in your sleep, and you kicked me to the floor.” Surprising how none of that woke the American. He frowns at it however. He kicked Spy. The one person he was supposed to protect got a foot right up his ass while sleeping. Soldier lowers his head in shame.

“I have bad dreams. Ones where you get hurt or we get attacked.” Nightmares and bedtime horrors that plague his mind. Soldier feels a pair of hands lay him back down before they bring him into a hug. This feels quite nice, actually. So used to being the big spoon, he nearly forgot how nice it feels to be held.

“You and I are safe. I promise you that. Please, go back to bed before I get crow’s feet.” She snaps but in a loving way. Spy always had a talent for that sort of thing. He could sound rude and malevolent, but he means well at the end of the day.

“Who is giving you crow’s feet?” Why their feet anyways? The feathers look nicer, and don’t people usually collect their beaks? Soldier has no idea really, but its pretty puzzling. His father had shark jaws in the basement next to deer antlers, but not bird feet.

“They aren’t—go to sleep, Soldier.” He can’t argue with that. Spy won’t let him. She’ll use her fancy, funny sounding words before huffing in disdain. Soldier gets cozy in the lithe arms holding him and shuts his eyes. He should try bringing a shovel into his dreams.

I love these two so much -H

#team fortress 2 #tf2 #tf2 requests #tf2 spy #tf2 soldier #soldierspy #freedom fries

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shishigumis · 4 months

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[ feel ] — sender traces and feels along receiver’s back / dolph & mami

HIS BACK IS LITTERED IN LITTLE SCARS, nothing shocking considering his face. but he doesn't care to talk about them. they aren't the reason that she is toying with him. she doesn't want to hear every detail about why he has them. they are trying to relax at the moment. CHEN is relaxing at the edge of the bed, he's ready to lay down for the night. just as they were. it was all about relaxing now, and she was trying her best to get him to relax his joints after a long day. a miracle that she could stay up so long to wait for him to get home, he knew it was because she needed to see him get into bed with her before she could sleep for the night. after a close call, landing him with a new scar across his throat, everyone was on edge.

❝ that's enough, you should lay down too. it's already half past two. ❞ the digits glow brightly on the clock next to the bed. they wouldn't be getting up any time soon, the both of them sleeping in till late in the afternoon. he didn't have any obligations that required him to wake up early, he never did. DOLPH'S JOB was all about working at night; whenever that he was called to. but it wasn't on a strict schedule, nor was it a daily thing. his life was sporadic, hard to keep up with without talking to him about what was going on around him. ❝ tonight went easy, i doubt we will be doing anything tomorrow. we can go out if you want to? maybe, some shopping, a night on the town. how does that sound? it's been awhile since we've done something just you and me. ❞ CHEN would watch the house, that was no concern of his. they could leave him there without any worry that he would tear things up, he was a well - behaved animal. he didn't need constant eyes on him.

#dolph ic tbt /#shishigirls

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onlyplatonicirl · 1 year

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helllloooo *appearifies in your ask box* it is i, the headcANON. its been a while ive been busy (doing nothing). anyways today, we are discussing our favourite little gremlin man, ink :) hes one of my favourite little scrimbly bimblies, he is so me fr

has an encyclopedic knowledge on all forms and genres of art. if you show him a painting, sculpture, song, poem, whatever, he knows who made it, how they made it, when they did, the meaning behind the piece and the style it was done in/never take him to an art museum, bro will stay there for hours. he will have to be escorted out by security

he just loves creating, no matter what it is. he loves cooking and tending to his garden. he loves putting a bit of himself into the world no matter how small, no matter if it will not be remembered.

one of his favourite genres of art is ephemeral art, more commonly known as temporary art. art which doesn't last long, it is experienced in the moment and then it disappears. this style of art includes things such as ice or sand sculptures, which will eventually melt or be swept away by the shore

he has a lingering thought in the back of his mind that he truly comes from nowhere and means nothing in the grand scheme of anything, when he dies that will be it, that will be all he has ever been

has an existential crisis every two days (same bro), deals with it by doodling

i think when he was with the council he was probably required to undertake therapy, if your council is made up of incredibly strong, near god-like figures its probably a good idea to make sure theyre doing good mentally (LMAO THAT DIDNT WORK OUT HUH?)

he has a small bag he carries with him at all times, in it contains his essentials, his phone, a notepad, a sketch pad, and pen. he uses the notepad to write down anything he needs to remember but knows he will forget, as well as his schedule. this way, he can keep track of his days and make sure he takes his meds on time (paints)

comyet never specified which paints correspond to what emotion, some are a bit obvious, simply because its what we've come to associate that emotion with: red - anger, yellow - happy, blue - sad, pink - love. heres my personal interpretation of the other colours: orange - anxiety, green - calm, purple - curiosity, white and black dont do anything, instead theyre more like catalysts, black intensifies the emotion, white nullifies the emotion

his ectobody and blush too is normally just a clear white but upon drinking a paint of any kind it will tint it that colour (if he drinks more than ine he can turn into a lava lamp :0 )

his eyelights correspond to the current emotion he is feeling, but theyre very abstract and appear to simply be a random smatter of colours and shapes, there is no consistency to it

i imagine the council prescribed him a mixture of emotions to help get him through the day. they help him socialise and respond 'correctly'

he is so autism coded. it's insane. my man can not emote in a socially acceptable manner, needs an outside support to help him navigate social situations, experiences sensory seeking and underload (i need sensory shit or i will explode/dissociate), he has strict and rigid routines, experiences memory loss and brain fog, has a special intrest in art and has a flat affect when he isnt actively using his emotions (masking), canon (idk if its canon actually) aroace - not necessarily a trait of autism but holy fuck it is so common in this communtiy. undertale au sans makers be like hmm how do i make the most autistic bitch possible

struggles with empathy for others but has hyperempathy for inanimate objects (this is actually semi canon), if he knocks or drops into something, he'll apologise to it and hug it. similar situation to animals

no sense of taste. just none. tries his best at cooking but often ends up over salting things or adding too much spice

likes food based on the texture, thus he loves stuff like jelly and yoghurt

loves movies but has a really poor attention span and has to take breaks throughout the movie

texts like a boomer lol, really bad at spelling and overuses emojis and unfunny gifs

is a polyglot, can speak french (native language), english, japanese, and spanish

his house is an engineer and architect's worst nightmare. shit is liminal as fuck. long stretching hallways with doors that are unaligned, many of which lead to incomplete rooms (he forgot to furnish them and now can not enter them because white spaces scary), some of the doors are raised several feet above the ground and simply can not be accessed through normal means, staircases that lead straight into a wall, random open areas revealing a courtyard which can actually exist... a room would take up the space and yet doesnt. the floors are also all inspired by a particular style, one floor is art deco, the other industrial

is also a goopy boy, albeit far more solid than paperjam, when stressed or upset his form becomes 'looser' and his face can appear distorted

doesnt have a favorite animal per say, he just likes the colourful ones, mainly birds like parrots and peacocks

he can play an impressive array of instruments, including the guitar, drums, piano, cello, and flute. he picked up the flute from dream

has always liked hanging out with dream because of his positive aura, it doesnt make him feel happy, but it makes him feel relaxed and safe

on the other end youd think he wouldnt like hanging out with nightmare because would make him feel stressed and in danger, but Ink doesnt really know what its like to feel endangered. he has been in dangerous and life-threatening (or as close as you can get as a magical skeleton thing) scenarios, but it doesnt really affect him, he just doesnt have an eros drive.

he met nightmare and dream a few times when they were younger, and he taught them how to draw and they taught him how to play music. Ink would listen to their concerns and do his best to try and help them, albeit he lacks empathy, so he would always try and come up with a way to solve their problem, which isnt always what people want when they come to talk to you about that stuff

visited dream when he was stoned (lmao) a lot, was also there when he broke free and comforted him the best he could, i like drink a lott but the best way i can describe their relationship is like childhood friends who are also soulmates but also star-crossed lovers

- headcANON

HEADCANON THESE ARE SO REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK YES SO MANY OF THESE ALIGN WITH MY VIEW OF HIM AS WELL !!!!!!

- Canonically he is aroace, and in this story I keep that as well. I never said it on tumblr but as we further explore the relationship error and ink have you’ll learn it’s closer to a qpr and that there are a couple of very funny misconceptions that were had about them as an audience. Ink has a much different sense of romance than most allo and aro people due to his ability to kinda just change it whenever he wants but I’ll get further in depth later in the fic.

- you are extremely right about the aesthetics in every room of the house changing depending on the room. The house is a nightmare. ink can just edit it like a sims house with zero limits so he just makes the most insane shit. They gave him like a couple of miles of empty land and were like “ok go hog wild” and he did. He’s never really had a consistent home before so he got excited to make himself a special place and lost his mind.

- definitely has an art special interest

- the council actually did give him emotions to be more regulated, but they are not as strong or enjoyable as the ones he gets from the “wild” (the ones he gets off of the AUs)

- I think his relationship with NM and Dream is something really cool and unique, and I wanna elaborate on it more

THANKS FOR THE HEADCANONS MWAH 💋

#ask lorel #anon #TCOTI

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southieparkie · 2 years

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BUNNY 2, 7, AND 8 😍

BET!!!

2. Who sleeps in and who is the early bird?

I’m actually thinking about making a comic for this one!!!! No brainer: Kenny sleeps in, Butters is the early bird. Hear me out!

Kenny’s life always requires him to stay on the grind from dawn to dusk. When he’s not in school, he has to work for money. And when he’s not working for money, he has to take care of his sister. So if Kenny starts dating Butters and more opportunities come up to just take it easy and sleep in, he’s absolutely gonna take it!

I’d imagine that Butters’ routine would be very strict due to having strict parents. He has a set bedtime and wake-up time that he always has to abide by. Once dating Kenny (and therefore presumably out of his parents’ house) it wouldn’t be too far off to say that he wouldn’t stop his tendency to stick to an early schedule. Plus, Butters pulling the covers off of Kenny as he groans? And Butters getting annoyed by Kenny singing in the shower at 3 AM? THATS GOOD STUFF!!

7.) Who secretly knows all the lyrics to the other’s favorite songs but refuses to expose themselves?

I headcanon that Kenny and Butters have a lot of common artists they listen to together like Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, or Blondie. What seperates their taste in music is Kenny’s love for grunge. Butters, both involuntarily and kiiiinda sorta intentionally, learned the lyrics to a few of Kenny’s favorite songs, even though he’s claimed to not like grunge music. Like, one day Kenny and Butters would chill and smoke do their homework, and all of a sudden Smells Like Teen Spirit starts playing from Butters’ speaker and he absent mindedly starts singing along. Kenny would tease him endlessly about this.

8.) Who’s more likely to cry about a plant dying?

This is a tough one!! Of course, they’d both be Very in Touch With Nature, but to go as far as to cry about a plant dying? Prooooobably Butters. Only because he seems like the most emotional out of the two!! Omg Kenny and Butters holding a funeral for their precious begonias lmfao

Kenny: Me and your Papa miss you so much, little flowers. But we both know that there’s all the soil and fertilizer you could ever ask for in Plant Heaven. Isn’t that right, Leo?

Butters: *dramatically cries his mascara off*

#south park #sp #leopold butters stotch #kenny mccormick #sp bunny #THANK YOU FOR THE ASK FRIEND!!!!

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pure-ablution · 2 months

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Can you talk more about how you plan your goals and what you want to achieve in the future, the mindset and attitude, and how you stay focused and maintain momentum?

To me, discipline and proper planning are the most important aspects of achieving my goals. I can only maintain momentum whilst I’m up in the air; if I allow myself to droop, even for a little while, it feels impossible to get up again. I have my routines and rituals because I’ve committed to them and they ground me, they keep me focused. I’m not the sort of person who can put something down and pick it back up again easily—I have to stick to it consistently, and I’ve found that that’s the best way to see results anyway.

I plan things carefully, but I don’t let myself get caught up in the planning stage. I knew a boy at school who spent so long creating the most perfect, scientifically proven and effective, beautifully formatted study plans for the run-up to his final exams, and he ended up failing all of them—because he’d spent so long planning that in the end, he didn’t have the time to actually study. I think that a lot of people can accidentally let life fly by without them, and a lot of people think that their lives have to be put on pause whilst they achieve some goal or another: for instance, they say that they can’t go out and start a new social life or learn how to do their makeup until they’ve lost weight. This is silly—you should be staggering your goals and plans so that they work simultaneously with one another, or at the very least, take on a logical pattern.

For example, I sat down at the start of my serious dedication to my appearance, with a printed picture of my face in front of me, and devoted an hour to really scrutinising hard and determining what was really necessary. I judged which surgeries and procedures were needed and what was excessive, and then planned them out to a sensible order. It made no sense to have a rhinoplasty done before getting my orthodontic work, because my teeth could shift my new nose entirely out of joint, so I prioritised having my teeth fixed first of all, and planned to reassess once my lower face had begun to settle into shape. I had my lips blushed six months before I had them filled, so that the colour had time to settle and the filler wouldn’t blanch out my natural lip colour. I bought new skincare products in a staged process, starting with cleansers and prescription treatments and ending with masks and devices, because I didn’t want to overload my skin with too much at once, and I wanted to work in a systematic way.

I give myself a very strict timescale for planning, I use a plain notebook and pen to create charts and checklists, and then I force myself to get the ball rolling before I start to second-guess myself and make amendments. I don’t waste time with fancy computer programmes or journalling techniques that require time to master, I just keep things plain and effective, and I focus on the action over the documentation. Currently, I’m nowhere near the end of my plan and I still have courses to complete and competitions to win, and I want to graduate with honours and offers, to get engaged and married, to have children. In the nearer future, I have my baptism scheduled and the end of my conversion process, I have some places to visit and things to buy, I need to have my braces taken off and start booking consultations for my rhinoplasty, and I’m going to take my intermediate certificates for the languages I’m learning. I’m always working towards the next step and I think it’s important that you’re able to not only identify your goals, but also be able to break down the steps you need to take to reach them, and get started as soon as possible.

#ask-beauty

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thiscrimsonsoul · 3 months

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4. what genre do you primarily favour?

23. what skills have you gained by roleplaying?

{out of paprikash} Thank you for sending these in! ^_^ Answers below the cut for length...

4. what genre do you primarily favour?

My absolute favorite genre to write in is medieval fantasy. I know a decent amount about the Middle Age, since I have always been interested in them. I took a number of electives in college that deal with it in some way, like medieval history and medieval religion, and I've done a lot of reading on my own about it as well. I engage in a lot of medieval fantasy related pastimes like going to Renaissance faires, watching movies and reading books in that genre, and playing in-person RPGs like Dungeons and Dragons. That's also the genre I've written the most original writing in, so I'm comfortable with that kind of setting, with the weapons, armor, tools, and other things associated with that time, and with magic systems that are typically used in them. So yeah, medieval fantasy is my absolute most favorite genre to write in.

23. what skills have you gained by roleplaying?

Time management and communication skills. Allow me to explain, heh.

As a scientist, it's not as though I don't have good time management and communication skills. Planning schedules, seminars, projects, and experiments takes the ability to play time-tetris with all your duties and obligations and somehow get everything to fit so it all gets done. Communication comes in through writing up your methods, results, and discussion of your research, but also in writing papers for that research and making posters for conventions that clearly and concisely can explain your work to anyone who has no idea what you've been doing, heh.

BUT... roleplaying on a social media platform is completely different from that and requires a different set of time management and communication skills. Before coming to this site, I had never been on social media before. I have anxiety, so connecting with people I don't know on the internet is scary and I tend not to like to do it, heh. So I didn't bother with any kind of social media until I happened to see some people's posts about some fandoms I was in and decided to make an account. Then I discovered the rp community and the rest is history, heh.

Because I had never experienced social media before and was coming from the strict, meticulous world of academic scientific research, I had this notion early on that I needed to reply to every thread ASAP, every ask ASAP, every message ASAP, everything ASAP. I was staying up super late to get everything done, losing sleep, finding it incredibly hard to keep up with my dash and all the messages and new people who wanted to connect. It was overwhelming and at some point I had to step away. It was only then that I started to learn how to set limits on my time here, and how to be okay with not seeing everything on my dash, with not answering every message or ask, and with letting things sit in my drafts until I was ready to respond to them. I had to let go of that sense of urgency that I needed for work and learn how to respect my own time and limitations.

With regard to communication, I was used mostly to talking to people from other countries in person, or talking to other Americans via IMs. I did not talk to people from other countries via IMs or something similar until I got onto this site. Suddenly, I was accidentally offending people by using punctuation a certain way, or making them think I was arrogant or mad at them for using complete sentences, or making them laugh because I wrote out words instead of using acronyms or didn't know what they meant, heh. Different countries and cultures have certain things involved with "netiquette" that can cause misunderstandings or embarrassing situations if you aren't careful. I had to learn a lot of those, or at least learn what each person I connected with was comfortable with in messages, to make sure I didn't offend people inadvertently. That took... a lot of time and practice, heh. What people nowadays learn simply through using social media in their tweens and teens, I was learning in my 30s, so there was a learning curve, heh.

Also, in the same vein as respecting my time, I had to learn how to say "no" to people, and to speak up if something doesn't work for me. I'm... still learning this. I used to write with everyone who asked, whether I wanted to or I was comfortable with them or I had time to add someone else or not. It was incredibly overwhelming and stressful. I'm someone who is terrified of confrontation and of making people mad, so I tend to just give in rather than deal with the stress of having an argument or even just saying, "sorry, I don't have time for another partner right now." It took a few very bad experiences with obsessive people, people who had significant emotional issues, and people who were very pushy and inconsiderate for me to learn that, no, I need to be my own best advocate and police my free time and safe spaces for myself, because no one else is going to do it.

So yeah, it was a culture shock for me to join this site and to start engaging in rp here, coming in cold after never having social media before, and coming from being very closed off, shy, and non-confrontational. It's still a process and I'm getting better at it every day, but yeah I definitely learned these important things about myself and how to manage my virtual space as well as real space in my life through rping on this site.

I'll add that... as far as rping in general, whether on this site or another or in-person or whatever, what I've learned is what makes a good story, how to keep it going, and how to work on the fly with things given to you by other writers. Just as I had never been on social media before, I had never rped with writing before outside of maybe a little on IMs with a couple friends. I did mostly in-person D&D games. So receiving a big reply from another writer who may take the story and characters in an unexpected direction or one I wouldn't have thought of myself, and then having to respond to that somehow... that was an interesting skill to develop. It taught me how to roll with the punches, keep coming up with new ideas, and how to work with information, plot points, and events that weren't of my own creation. It's been a lot of fun! =)

#{ out of paprikash } ᵒᵒᶜ #{ about the mun }

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armpirate · 3 months

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Kalla | Choi San || Chapter 16

MASTERLIST Previous || Next

Pairings: CEO!San x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers.

Warnings: dom!San, sub!reader, voyeourism, use of sex toys, bondage, dirty talk, BDSM, exhibitionism, rough sex.

At least until she received a call from her friend.

Although that hotel she'd be working on was much more than anything she could've come up with.

Little did he know Wooyoung would hire the imperfectly perfect candidate for him, sure that she'd help him in many ways other than just in dealing with the responsibilities of his position.

A new challenge will come their way as soon as she steps inside the hotel.

The more she digs in Kalla and all of its secrets and exciting corners, the deeper she'll dive into San's heart and soul... Although, maybe, she won't be able to take it.

Kalla opens its doors to you, sharing the vast amount of filthy and erotic plans it offers, and that you can join with a partner... Or maybe just by yourself.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Chapter duration: 13 minutes

Chapter warnings: smut, dirty talk, explicit content, female masturbation, edging, mention of plugs

Something moved in him when she whispered those words with such temptation that he thought he'd lose himself with her that morning. San was so lost on what to do with her, yet at the same time he was thrilled to follow the tray she slowly showed to him. He was used to things being clear. Whenever he showed up in one of those clubs, he knew what everyone wanted from him as they approached him, but with Y/n it was completely different. He was expecting her to nod and just ask him to pretend that growing tension didn't exist, he even got ready to watch her go as she presented her resignation letter, but instead she clapped back at his suggestion. Y/n wanted to learn everything he could teach her, and that was driving him insane.

—Saying you want to be mine isn't something you can say randomly —he warned her.

—I know —Y/n nodded—. That's why I'm being serious about this.

Barely a month had passed since she started working there, and she was already making things difficult for herself.

—Y/n —he warned her.

San needed to be careful with her, with the relationship they were ready to throw themselves into.

—You were saying you'd teach me to learn when to shut up if you had time —she continued—, and you seemed so determined when you said it. And now it's like you're taking back those words. Did you regret them already?

She had never been so straightforward with sex, even less with something that was not directly related to her being punished -in a way that was only left in San's head. Four years in a relationship, and only then she was finding out a side of her she didn't know. He made her lose control so quickly that she became vocal and clear of what she wanted.

—Don't ask for something you might not be able to deal with —he warned her again, stepping closer to her.

—You're the only one saying I won't be able to deal with it.

His eyes went dark, with his pupils taking over most part of his iris while his tongue moved through his heart-shaped lips. She was testing him, pushing him over the edge and inviting him to jump and make a mess of himself with no control of the aftermath.

And who was he going to fool? He had been thinking of Y/n submitting to him more times than he was proud to admit.

For the first time since they started that conversation, the reverse of his fingers landed on her, softly touching the curve of her chin, making her nervous with the killing combination of gentle and dangerous.

—Turn around.

Y/n was stupidly waiting for a kiss. Not a soft one, but she expected him to make her head go round in circles while his tongue did wonder against hers. So when San demanded her to turn around, it confused her. Her eyebrows reacted faster than her, slightly frowning, before she followed his order.

She went from being witness to how beautiful that man looked in his habitat, to facing the blank door that had always worked as a shield against their own wants.

Her heart skipped a beat when, after feeling him move behind her, his fingertips caressed the back of her knee, right under the edge of her skirt, slowly moving up over her skin to move the fabric away. She was softer than he imagined, sensing how easy it was to wander through her and how slowly he was the one submitting to every detail in her body.

She hooked her lower lip under her teeth when two of his fingers found her underwear, teasing her entrance, with that spot getting slimmer with each rub he made.

San didn't comment anything, he didn't make a sound other than a groan when realization hit him: she was so wet and ready with just a short conversation, she could easily take him in right then, but he chose to control himself before falling victim to his desire for her.

Her head turned, attempting to look at him over her shoulder, just to know how he looked. But his tongue clicked before she was able to get a clear vision other than what she managed to see through the corner of her eye.

—Head to the front, sugar —he corrected her.

Those limits he settled, rather than turning off that fire, lit up an even more powerful flame that spread through her system like a wildfire. Her head moved back to the front, only allowing herself to feel what he was giving her, unconsciously dragging her heels to separate her thighs a bit more, communicating through actions what she didn't know how to communicate with words.

Finally, his fingers stopped teasing her entrance, moving her clothes up to expose her ass. Although San needed more. His fingertips hooked on the lacey extremes, linking them together in the middle, forming an improvised thong to get to see a better image of it.

The curve of her ass cheeks looked the type to jiggle with each spank, and he was getting drunk in pleasure just thinking how they'd look on a reddish tone, going darker, every time his hand landed there. Although that wasn't the type of punishment he was looking for. Maybe that was too aggressive for a beginner like her.

—Head to the front, hands to the sides —he commanded.

Y/n didn't know what to expect, until the elastic of her panties slid down her hips, tangling right at the beginning of her ass, exposing her core to him for the first time. She was embarrassed of being forced to admit a conversation had her dripping her arousal, but at the same time that same tint of losing control of her body to him was so exciting that it sent a painful throb to her clit, feeling her juices slowly slipping out her hole to be collected by two of his fingers.

San started off gentle. His fingers slid through her slit, spreading her wetness all over, making her hum when his digits pushed against the hood, trapping it between his two fingers, before moving down again. The circles he traced on her swollen button were weak, testing her, provoking the almost silent whine that escaped her mouth when she was only trying to hold it in.

But right when she was finding pleasure in it, his fingers moved down again.

—You'd look so pretty with a plug right now —his tongue clicked, feeling his dick twitch inside his boxers just at the image of the jewel peeking out through her cheeks—, just so I could push it with my fingers while I fingerfuck your pussy.

At the same time he was promising those words centimeters away from her ear, two of his fingers slid in her wet channel, growling when she wrapped around him tight. And just as he promised her, his digits curled up, showing her how it felt while she was empty, letting her imagine what it'd feel like with a plug adorning her ass, working as a bigger stimulator than she could even think.

—Do you want to please me, sugar?

Her core clenched around his fingers when he called her like that again. She wasn't Y/n anymore and, for some reason, that pet name out of his lips sounded hotter than all the perfect dirty talk coming out of anyone else's mouth.

His fingers hooked her neck, moving her back against his chest to be able to whisper against her cheek at the lack of response from her.

—Answer when I'm asking you a question.

—I do —she weakly admitted.

San let go of her neck, with his hand going back hanging on his side, while the other took a rougher speed in her pussy. His thick fingers were soon coated with her juices, and cream, feeling sticky as he slid them in and out. With every minute he spent like that, Y/n felt her legs flexing unconsciously and her back arching from pleasure to offer herself to him even more if possible.

The squeak sounds of his fingers moving up and down, while she felt her ass jiggle in sync with the harsh movements of his hand, had her stomach tickling and her clit throbbing painfully, not finding enough on her thighs pressing tight and moving to give it the friction it was asking for.

She felt even better than he imagined, her response broke all of his expectations, and the only thing he felt tempted to do was moving his fingers knuckles deep in her to explore all those sides of her he had been only dreaming of. Y/n almost tried to reach for his wrist a few times, but she listened so well that she stopped herself before her hand was able to cross the invisible line that worked as a limit for the two of them. She knew she'd gain way more by listening than getting out of the way to please her most intrinsic needs.

All the moans burning her throat were piling up into a bigger one that would mark the peak of that encounter. And San knew.

He only moved his fingers a bit more, dragged her close enough to her high, only to move his fingers away from her again, cutting her long breath suddenly.

She was expecting San to fuck her roughly against his desk, to feel her cumming around his cock rather than his fingers, but that possibility escaped her reality when he put her panties back to where they were, around her hips, and let her skirt fly back down to its original position before she ever stepped inside that office.

—Is this it? —she turned to him.

—You wanted me to show you what I meant when I said I'd teach you when to put that tongue of yours to work —he calmly answered—, and I did. Next time you'll think twice before speaking up when you're just supposed to sit somewhere and do what you're told.

His fingers looked glazed from her juices. Instead of cleaning them, San took each finger to his mouth, tasting her as if he was licking off the remains of food, not looking at her until they were completely clean.

—Think about this for as much time you need, Y/n —he commented.

Somehow, going back to her name made her feel disappointed.

—If this is what you want, I'll be waiting for you.

Y/n knew she could trust him when he said that. San looked calm and serene while promising he'd be waiting for her answer, before he invited her to go back to her daily tasks. Although the real question was: how was she supposed to act as if nothing had happened inside that office?

It was difficult to focus back on what she was doing, as if she didn't almost cum all over her boss' hands while also pretending she wasn't annoyed at how he took that chance away from her without a single doubt. He didn't even hesitate.

The list of the Spadix showed up on her screen again. And far from looking deep into the mail she had received, she resent it to San without checking twice. It wasn't like she needed to check it either, it wasn't a mail that directly involved her -or which she could do anything with. Her boss was the only one who had to have some control over it.

San frowned at the recent email from Y/n, reading the subject of the email carefully before he opened the file to give it a second check. It was again the same list he had already checked yet, for some reason, his employees at reception were resending him against the list from two nights back only because there was some small mistake they only thought of correcting a whole day later.

His sigh was deep, getting ready to sign it up again and store it back again, until his eyes fell on a name that made his head tilt and his jaw clench.

Seeing her name among the rest, when he didn't see it the first time he saw that list was the least of his problems. What was she doing in the Spadix alone? Did she end up going to one of the rooms with someone else? And how the hell didn't he notice her when he had been dreaming of her for the past two weeks in that same place?

It couldn't be...

San shook his head at the small possibility, assuring himself he was just catching coincidences where there was probably nothing. He convinced himself he wanted her so bad, that she was picturing her in places she had never been before.

Of course he was going to confront her about it, but it was going to be out of his hotel. As much as he wanted an explanation from her, as soon as possible, he was aware of how Y/n would close herself up instead of speaking to him with all the honesty she could work with.

Patience was one of his virtues, and he was going to show it off that day.

Y/n left first.

With San being closed inside his office all day, not even leaving to get something for lunch, she assumed he was giving her space to think about what happened -when, in reality, he was the one dealing with all the new info he wasn't aware of until a few hours back. It wasn't like she needed much time to think. She wanted him, she wanted to take everything he offered her, and was willing to do it with no hesitation because she had been through enough already.

Ever since she started her new life, she proposed to herself not to doubt things she saw clearly. Doubting whether to take the offer to Seoul or not was the last hesitation in her life, there weren't going to be any more doubts. She missed out on a lot of amazing things years ago, because she allowed someone to take control of her thoughts and decisions, and that wasn't going to happen ever again.

At least not while she could avoid it.

Her confident steps stopped when she recognized the back that was waiting for her outside the hotel. His subtle hump, and barely curved back to the front was pretty characteristic of him, along with his short dark red hair she used to love when they were together. She was even able to recognize that blue bomber jacket she had bought him for his birthday, and that he kept swearing he hated as he ranted how she didn't know him enough to know what he liked or not -keeping in mind he did love it when he saw it at the story, with his taste being as transient as the weather.

—What are you doing here? —she asked when she confirmed that the profile did in fact belong to him.

—Y/n —his smile was wide when he saw her, looking down at her—. God, you look even more beautiful than before.

—Andy, what are you doing here? —she repeated, calmly, expecting a clear answer instead of her ex boyfriend just playing around.

—Isn't it obvious?

She didn't realize how much she hated that habit of his to answer a question with another question, until he did it that day. It made her blood boil how he was never straightforward with what he wanted to say, always playing it safe behind those questions.

—No, it's not —she insisted.

—Well, I came to pick you up. You can stop playing dumb now, you already had the experience of your life, now let's go back to London.

—What crack did you smoke? —as he attempted to grab her wrist, she managed to move away.

The fact that he had the audacity of acting as if he had been the one breaking up with her, and with the right to take her back was rubbing a violent spot she didn't know she had until she saw him smirk.

—What crack did I...? —he cut off himself after repeating her question— I'm your boyfriend.

—No, you're not. We broke up. Actually, I broke up with you when you cheated on me with someone while I went to pay all the bills —she stepped back—. I don't know how much money you spent to come here, I genuinely don't give a fuck. But leave me alone. I'm not going back to London, and even less to go back to you.

Andy's chest was puffed, hinting at the pulse he was going to fight with her to convince her to go back home and get her exactly where he thought she should have always been. But a calm, softening voice, interrupted any attempt of his to insist.

—Is there a problem?

—Not any that's your business —Andy quickly shut down.

Y/n's eyes opened wide when she saw San with that serious expression he always had on when he first started working there, poking one of his hands inside his pants to challenge the man that was trying to bother her, and that was clearly putting her in a situation of distress.

—Y/n, stop making a scene and come with me —Andy attempted to grab her wrist again.

San's hand was faster though, blocking the way and throwing his hand away from her while keeping his eyes fixed on the man, insisting on creating an uncomfortable situation for her.

—Y/n isn't going anywhere with you right now, because she has some work-related things we need to discuss —San answered for her—. Let's go.

She wasn't surprised to see Andy letting go of that fake big buy facade he had adopted to persuade her, going back to the man she knew -and fell out of love with- as soon as San confronted him for his attitude. It was obvious her ex boyfriend would double down as soon as someone bigger than him stopped his attitude.

San walked first. And just like she was supposed to, and wanted to, Y/n walked behind him to his car without giving it a second thought.

Taglist: @brown88

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molly0611 · 11 months

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WORKING WITH DISNEY #1

Marcellite Garner

Marcellite Garner worked at Walt Disney’s studio predominantly between 1930 and 1941 in the inking and painting departments. In addition she was the voice of Minnie Mouse during her time at the company when required. While there is not much written on her past interviews and credits, she does seem to at least be widely praised for her defining of the character of Minnie Mouse (although how true that is could likely be debated). Both interviews chosen here were done so at near complete random, with the only caveat being that I wanted to get an interview with one of Disney’s “Nine Old Men” of animation and one of the women working at the studio.

Marcellite was interviewed by Hazel Sewell, Lillian Disney’s sister in late 1929, and hired the next year in February 1930 - joining when both she and the studio were fairly young, when the studio only had around thirty five people and most of the artists were between the ages of 19-21. Also of note, Garner mentions early into the interview that on the day she submitted her application “It was pouring rain… My hair was hanging down and I was a mess. I still think that’s why they gave me the job, because I came out in all that horrible weather.” whether or not that is the reason she got the job aside, it does put an interesting view onto how Garner saw herself within the company. Towards Walt she seems to have a relatively understanding attitude, even with mentions of how strict he was with his requirements and constraints for films, and that he was enjoyable to be around, even during voice acting, where it is mentioned that other interviewees did not read his emotions as such. She also decided to stay with the company during the strike, stating “I couldn’t see that we were not being treated fairly.” Elaborating on this more she talks on how she felt the studio before the strike was much more like a family than what it was like afterwards but also admits that that change, with the directions the studio was growing, would have happened regardless. While her interview is relatively short and I would have loved to have more of her current insights into the strike and working conditions, the interview is not completely devoid of them. One passage here Garner mentions work conditions as often “ink[ing] straight around the clock… We’d go to work at eight in the morning and work until eight the next morning sometimes.” Overall an interesting interview from an understandable point of view of someone who by all accounts likely would have befitted from the strike but chose to stay working instead.

Les Clark

Les Clark worked as an animator for Walt Disney from 1927 to 1975, later on he moved to directing films instead, namely television and educational films. There certainly appears to be more information about Clark than Garner, although there is some understanding there, as he seems to have had a much longer career than Garner did, at least in working with Disney. As stated before, my choices for this paper were largely at random, mostly because I was not very familiar with any of the names in the book I am referencing, “Working with Walt”.

Clark, in contrast to Garner’s interview, came about as first by meeting Disney via a job at a lunch counter they frequented and then two years later by showing him some copied artwork out of a “College Humor” magazine. Clark was then hired and scheduled to begin work two days later. There is an interesting contrast to be drawn here between Les Clark’s hiring on the basis of his clean linework and Marcellite Garner’s lifelong uncertainty that she was hired for anything more than how wet her hair was on the day of the interview. This should not be considered without the caveat that their hirings were done two years apart, and likely there were things that had changed during that time to warrant a different approach to interviews and hiring processes, but even still given the time period I do not think it is out of the question to suggest gender may have played some role in the difference. Clark also holds a very positive view of Disney throughout the interview, thinking highly of him even in response to the mixed images given by other interviewees and going as far to say “It was Walt, whose innovations and whose desire… developed the cartoon industry. It’s all credit to Walt Disney, no one else, because all the other studios took from him what he had proven.” This again is an interesting statement in no small part given to the fact that this interview, given a year before Clark’s death, is an opinion he held throughout his entire life knowing Disney. As with Garner, Clark stayed with the studio through the strike. He seems to agree that while he chose against the strike in the moment, there were parts of it that would have spilled over regardless, although unfortunately there is not enough in the interview to know fully his opinion on it now.

SOURCES

#animation history

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sgtsudasoap · 2 years

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bitchiena · 2 years

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L’officiel March Cover Story: Lay Zhang — Transparent as always

Expressing the real me without any limitations; touching the authenticity in this crowded world.

─────

He is straightforward and transparent, he always wants to speak out exactly what’s in his mind, showing his true self without hiding. It seems that there is a lighthouse deep inside Lay’s heart. He calculates his time while pressing forward. No matter where the storm comes from, it will no longer blows against him.

Lay has three cats, Zhang Lulu, Zhang Luobo and Zhang Laosan. Lulu is the elegant one. He’s visual of the group with the eyes of a starry night. When looking at him, it is like looking into an ocean. The closest cat to Lay is Laosan. He always comes to Lay’s side quietly, lies down and stays with him.

Because of having to work long times away from home, If the working environment allows, Lay would bring his cats with him. The house has become totally different after the cats joined in. “Before they came, everything is still. Me, my furniture and ornaments, everything. But now, there are living creatures walking in my house, and the air seems to be flowing as well. “

─────

The building of his 30s, is here.

Talking about pets, he had this sudden mind-blowing thought: “For those with pet snakes, they probably hide away when you return and you can’t find them at home. Or they might be staring at you from above. For those who like insects and bugs, they might take home a cicada that chirps all day. If we have a large Felidae at home, it will be even more awesome. They probably will be fighting all day long. Might even slap you if they’re not happy. For cats, they will probably scratch your door if they get locked inside, but the “larger kitty” would probably slap the door open and escape.”

Getting back to the point, he first thought about pet was from his friends: “When you’re lonely and by yourself, it’s pretty good to have a little cat with you.” We took a glimpse at his schedule and wonder how he can has any spare time to feel lonely. “Of course I do, especially after establishing my company.” He responded in all seriousness, “Sometimes when I have work related questions on the weekend, but then I feel like other people need to take a break, so when I can’t find a person to ask the question, and I feel lonely.”

The Chinese idiom “Going in circle and don’t know what to do” can be used to precisely describe how Lay feels. For Lay back in the days, there was no such thing as “weekend”. He could finish his meals in 5 minutes to save time for a dance move. He could sleep for just 3 hours and practiced with sandbags tied on him. Until it got too intense that he got lumbar disc herniation. “For me personally, every day is the same from Monday to Sunday. But now that I have a company, and as the head of this company, I can’t keep being wayward like before.”

The company that Lay established for his trainee project has taken up most of his energy. He got asked five years ago that “Who do you want to become at the age of 30?”. He said that he wanted to own a building, not a resident building, but an office building. “I want to train the best musicians in China there.” The interview was in 2016. Under that article, there was a comment that asked, “How far is he from turning 30?” Some answered: “He will turn 30 in 2021.”

That day is coming soon. Lay seems to have this schedule in his heart: a part of it is running forward, and the other part is counting down. He announced the establishment of his company on his birthday last year. This will be the place where he trains the next generation of Chinese idol celebrities. Looking at his own artist career, the trainees will be facing extremely strict requirements. “I have already told them, the minimum requirement for trainees is Lay Zhang. If I’m the 60-point mark, what grade can you get? I hope that their benchmark is not me, but the international celebrities.”

We can see that Lay is a person with perseverance and long-lasting affection. He remembers every word that he said, he will achieve all the things that he wants. When he was younger, he worked as a dishwasher for a “Fantasy Westward Journey” game stamp card. He worked his way up to be the top 2 players of the server. Many years later, he even became the ambassador of that game. Many people were surprised when they found out that the famous “Jiangnan cool guy” was indeed a “boss”. Nowadays, he has to limit gaming time to 30 minutes because of his packed schedule.

Last December was busy and anxious for Lay, even his breaktime was spent oninterviewing the employees for his team. “It is very hard to find an Operation Director. We met at least 50 people at least, but only very few met our expectations.” During his early phase of recruiting a team, Lay has to handle a lot of things himself. “There’re so many things that can’t roll when I’m not around. But it shouldn’t be like that. Fortunately, our team is not too bad for now, our trainees are pretty good too. But that’s not enough. We still need to be stronger.”

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Strength is not going to vaporize like water

Last year, he shot two TV series consecutively, “Challenges at Midlife” by Daylight Entertainment and “Crime Crackdown”. The second one was always shooting at night. He had to work until five or six o’clock every morning, finishing up only when the sun began to rise. Then he sleeps for three or four hours, and gets up at ten to interview, and looks over the trainees’ applications. “Not that I am strong physically, it’s just that I have a goal. I want to achieve it then I can do it.”

“Crime Crackdown” was shot at Changsha. They have been to Chaozong Street with an old town taste. The usually quiet Liansheng Street is now bustling with the street food stands that moved in. After finishing shooting in the city, they went to the ancient architectures at Taoshu Bay and Grand Temple of Mount Heng in Liuyang. It might be the longest time that Lay stayed at his hometown after his departure from Changsha at the age of 17. However, his schedule was so full that he did not have the time to revisit his hometown.

“When I had free time during the shooting, I talked about projects and attend dancing classes. There was really no spare time.” One good thing is that there are many delicious food in Changsha. Many people would order a “Lay Zhang comba” at the rice noodle restaurant where he had been visiting growing up. As a local, his favorite is still the Gaimafan, rice with his favorite meat and vegetables toppings. Mixing it well with the sauce, he could have many bowls of it. He did gain some weight after the shooting.

“Changsha is a miraculous place. It is where I attended the show. It was where my dream began. I was a very chubby kid; it was after the show that I started to slim down.” At age of 13, he attended the competition “Star Academy” in order to win 50 Chinese Yuan from his father for video games. He ended up at the third place. At age 17, he auditioned and became a trainee. “The company just picked me like that? I thought that it must be fake back then.”

He acted in a TV series at six. He could have grown up as a child star but he wound up an unusual path. “What is a child star’s path? I didn’t know anything back then. I acted in a TV show and somebody knew me, and then what? Nothing. One has to settle down.” He is always thankful for Long Danni, “She let me attend that show, a show that everyone in Changsha knew. I became the famous kid in school. Everyday there are teachers and students coming to me.”

His “fame” only lasted for a year. “There was nothing left after a year. Someone else caught people’s attention.” He had a taste of “an out-of-fashion artist” when he was only a teenager. “Because of my experience before, I cherish everything I get even more now. I know there is only one thing that can last, the capability and skills that I acquired.

His crisis awareness since 15 made him accustomed to demand more from himself, such as buying a guitar, learning Popping, trying to produce and writing songs by himself. For him, time is never enough. During the filming period of “Challenges at Midlife”, he read economics and accounting books, and listened to audio books in the car when moving from one filming site to another. “I don’t have to read things that are too advanced. I’m not taking an accounting exam. But doing several things together is still a little tired. My name is Lay though.(Tired in Chinese pronounces like Lay)”

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PD Zhang who conquered the world

Speaking of his stage name “LAY”, it’s because the TV series “Meteor Garden” was popular back then, and there is a character “Huaze Lei” who is quiet, talented and plays violin. He thought the name didn’t matter as long as he can debut. Now every time he introduces himself, he says “Hello everyone, I’m Lay(tired) “. “That’s why people say, don’t choose the wrong name. You gotta believe.”

He grew up with an authoritative parenting style. Lay’s parents didn’t disapprove him completely but also didn’t approve him much. But Lay said, when he saw other kids playing marbles and cards downstairs and he wanted to play as well, there was always a “kid next door”. “One kid next door studies well, one plays piano well, one plays violin well. Look at you.” There seems to be too many kids living next door.

“I didn’t think it was negative when I was a kid, but as I gradually grew up and met different people, I realized all my thoughts originated from my growing environment. It makes me tough and persistent, and it also brought me the fighting spirit. But on the other hand, these may not be good. For example, at first I worked hard because of fear. I thought that I had blind spots so I worked hard because I did not want to fall behind, which is good. But on the contrary, I lack confident to some extent.”

Now, Lay Zhang is already excellent enough, but he said,”I never felt that way.” On Hupu, the forum that is known for being harsh, Lay’s reputation has risen sharply these years. People no longer think of him as “the little sheep”, but would think of him as PD Zhang who can produce and arrange music. On the set of “Street Dance of China”, he used the computer to arrange music for his team on-site. His team member Klash decided to choose him as leader as soon as he saw Lay’s opening show, and George was attracted to him by his Krump and MPOP.

Unconsciously, it seems that Lay is conquering the world with his capability, but he did not realize this himself. “I am quite thankful for those who approve of me. What I fear the most is being a judge, but I still ended being the judge. Every street dance dancer has decades of foundations. I was very anxious sitting there.”

He never thought of himself as the best. “People will see clearly in the future that the success behind one person is teamwork. One solo, one artist, relies on countless people. I look forward to seeing how artists compete in the future, like the sword competition on Huashan Mountain. I really look forward to it.

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L’officiel conversation with Lay Zhang

You have started your own trainee project, aren’t you worried about competing with the younger generation?

Don’t be too narrow-minded. I like having rivals. I like competing with those who are capable. I focus more on improving myself back then, and I want to focus on finding new talents and energy in the future. I want to share with them what I think is good andallow them to glow and shine. Being able to help others achieve their dreams, is quite cool, I think.

“LIT” has been pinned on your Weibo account for a while now, when will be the next time that you’re switching to a new song?

Probably this year, I will be releasing new songs this year. It is also fusion composition of Chinese traditional culture.

Are you worried that the listeners will question your new music?

There will be people who like it and those who hate it. I don’t think it’s a problem. If they say that my music is really not good, all I can say is I will make better music in the future. If they’re just attacking me for the sake of attacking, there’s no need to pay attention to them. If people think that this piece of work is just too bad that it’s unacceptable, we will have to reflect in that. I think that all art forms, music and such, they can’t deviate from the market entirely.

You’re really good with expressing yourself, why do you keep saying that you “can’t explain it clearly”?

I realized I really can’t explain it clearly. For example, if we’re talking about “1”, I probably can explain up to “0.9”, but leaving out the final “0.1”. But that last 0.1 part is the most important core concept. Some people get it, some don’t. If they don’t understand me, they wouldn’t be able to get what it means. I think it really depends on fate and luck.

In your opinion, what “sparkles and shines”？

Dreams.

You’ve been working with Calvin Klein for a long time now, what are your new thoughts on this Spring collection?

I get inspired a lot through every collaboration with CK. For this spring collection, CK has returned to its classic minimal designs, as if they’re providing you with a blank canvas and endless possibilities to express yourself. Everyone can find their own suitable style and freely express their true selves. This is also the most comfortable thing in my collaborations with CK during these years.

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Original text: L’officiel China March cover story

Translation by XingTweetTRANS

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#l'officiel #lay zhang #interview magazine #l'officiel china

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