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iuwon · 2 years

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X ▸ yang jungwon (part i)

▸ DESCRIPTION : what do you get when you have a stupid asshole of a bestfriend (who’s completely head over heels for you, should he add) and a fucked up ego that refuses to admit any form of defeat? you guessed it: the summoning of a jealous ex-boyfriend who dumped you two years ago, and is hell-bent on winning you back.

▸ PAIRING : ex!yang jungwon x female reader (feat. nishimura riki)

▸ GENRE(S) : angst, fluff, slow burn, exes au, college au

▸ WORD COUNT : 28.5k+

▸ WARNING(S) : this is very fast-paced for a slow burn, VERY cringe-y angst and writing (pls spare me it’s my first time😭), fake-dating with riki, JUNGWON REDEMPTION ARC ON PART 2, breakup scenes, indication of hang-ups and love triangles, jealousy, profanities, mentions of a car accident, blood, flashbacks from before and after the breakup, both reader and jungwon have issues :D, this has a second part because the fic is too long, not proofread, kindly let me know if there are any more ^-^

▸ SPOTIFY PLAYLIST : here

▸ UPDATED A/N : hello!! i finished this fic on the start of 2022 and then left it like that when i went on my hiatus, so rereading it nearing the end of 2022 .. i CANNOT take this seriously LMFAOO i was high and i dramatized everything im sawry. But. this is the longest fic i’ve written so far and for that i’m sort of :D i have little to almost zero experience of writing long fics AND angst, so i really hope to any who read this won’t have any high expectations T^T pls lmk your thoughts on this one!

▸ REQUESTED! for my scorpio twin anon :)

SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST LIKE KITES.

Someone had said that once, you remember. They’re the type of people that don’t have their two feet planted anywhere near the ground. They fly, and they keep flying. They have their mind fixated on solely reaching higher and higher up the sky just to blissfully enjoy the breeze.

They continue to fly up once the string is held securely in someone’s hand. The thought never crosses their mind that the person holding the string might ever grow tired, or that the person would only continue to hold on because it’s hard to release the string - because it’s hard to let go.

Sometimes, the kite flies away. Either the wind current was too strong, or maybe it slipped out of your grasp. In the end, the one holding the kite is always the one to blame for carelessly losing them - it’s the person who mourns of the lost kite and suffers the consequences.

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

You were the type that always focused on studies.

A homebody was what you were. To you, school was meant for school. The topic of boys never interested you, and Yang Jungwon wasn’t anywhere never of an exemption.

Yang Jungwon, the notorious musical genius – the charming boy-wonder who lived in his own 4D world. People could say countless of sweet things to describe him, but you would forever see him as a person who was incapable of holding an interest for anyone for longer than his short attention span could hold – much more a romantic one.

You hissed in frustration, “Yang Jungwon, I swear to God, if you will not leave me alone -” your tone doesn’t faze him at all, as expected. He was immune to all your threats and remarks long before. A wide cheeky grin splits open his features before his hand reaches over and snatches your chemistry textbook at the mid-sentence of your threat, peeking over at it, “Chemical bonding?” he reads aloud, titling his head.

And he irritates you further. Your mid-term finals were next week, and you were barely getting any of the subjects done at this rate. You were close to college, and you did not want to have anything, or anyone mess it up.

You glare at him, “I’ve been at the same topic for the past half hour because of you,” trying to reach over your stolen textbook from the boy who never just seemed to leave you alone, his lips tug downwards in a musing pout. He stares at you before his eyes light up in thought.

Without another word, he leaves his chair beside you, not before passing you your book. You immediately grip onto your textbook with relief, skeptical that he’d grab it back away from you again.

Moments pass and you have the time all to yourself to study, but it’s too quiet for you - despite being at a bustling café. You turn your head to both your sides, eyes subconsciously searching for him. You blink, where did he go? Did you manage to kick him out once and for all -?

A whisper from your left ear interrupts your thoughts, and you feel a warm figure lightly pressing against you from behind, “try to sing out the formulas, they’re easier to remember.”

You almost yelp in surprise, jumping away from him. Where the hell did he come from? “Yah, are you crazy -?” you began, but he starts to lightheartedly poke fun. “C’mon, do it. It’ll be easier to remember,” he encourages you, pulling out a guitar from behind. You didn’t even bother to question where he had the time to get his guitar. All you were thinking about were ways to make him leave.

You shot him a look, annoyed. “Do what?”

He was always so childish. So bothersome.

He randomly strums out his guitar strings before picking up a tune, “Sing the formulas out,” his eyes momentarily directed you to the textbook laid out on the table, “I’ll help you with the melody. Go on,” you were ready to throw a harsh retort at him, telling him off to how he was wasting your time and how his idea was stupid - but his eyes; his perfectly shaped eyes looking ever so purely earnest your way.

You hated it.

You weren’t a musical genius or any of that sort, that was all Jungwon. You couldn’t just whip out the best melodic high note nor could you memorize a thousand slide powerpoint discussion even with the help of music. He didn’t have to worry about his grades - hence, his carefree attitude - and he didn’t have to stress over finals week when his career in music was already made out for him. All he ever did around school was tag along and annoy you, try the most obnoxious attempts to ask you out, play his guitar, and listen to music in the earphones he never took off.

You hesitantly look away, if you went along with him - maybe he’d go away once he got what he wanted to do. Little did you know how helpful the technique Jungwon suggested came out - or how fun it actually tuned out to be despite how awful your voice was, he was still looking at you like you were the singing like the angels.

Barely another hour later, you remarkably managed to get it all by heart and cover the topics that couldn’t have been covered in at least three days - with the help of the one person who has been disturbing you from studying in the first place. You could only gawk dumbly at his guitar.

Jungwon could sense your astonishment from miles away, and that made him all the more complacent with the huge beam he was wearing on his face. He wasn’t going to merely let this go. That trademark boyish look of his is back. “For my payment of very helpful service,” he starts as if you had ever asked him in the first place as he pretends to think, humming, “I’ll accept it in forms of you allowing me to take you out,” he suggests gleefully, his eyes sparkling in mischief.

You would normally scoff at his attempt yet again, telling him off - but this time. You couldn’t keep count of the endless tries he’s pulled this trick. This time you helplessly shake your head with a roll of your eyes. You couldn’t keep count of anything anymore, nor were you going to start now.

Yang Jungwon wasn’t going to give up on you.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

TWO YEARS LATER [ JUNGWON’S POV ]

Through the extent of his memory, you never failed to take care of Yang Jungwon.

Not once. No matter how hard you would push him aside and passively act like you didn’t care much about him, you would be there for him; you would always be there. By his side.

And then you were gone.

Jungwon was two years older now.

Checking the items in his shopping bag to see if everything was complete, he leaves the grocery store, rummaging through his purchased items when his body swiftly crashes onto something. He takes a few steps to regain his stance as he stumbles backward.

“Oh, sorry,” someone says, and it takes a moment or two before he snapped out of his daze. He turns instinctively to the direction of the voice as he tries to readjust his grip on his pile of bags.

That voice. He knows that voice.

But for a moment, his breathing halts, body stiffening instantly at the sight of someone he’d never expected to see. Never. Never again. Because this time, it’s you.

You.

You blink, showing mild surprise. And indifference. As if you were looking straight at a stranger. Your eyes pointedly averts itself away from him while you keep the proper formalities and try to start a conversation with your composure, “Uh, hello. How are you?”

To say that he’s caught off guard is too much of an understatement.

You looked different.

You looked good.

No.

You looked beautiful.

Is he dead? No, wait. What? Air gets knocked out of his lungs and he feels like he’s been punched in the gut at the same time.

You looked more beautiful than the image that he had of you for the past years, and it breaks him.

Like nothing has ever pulled you down – as if leaving you only did you good – as if it never happened or affected you by the least.

How could you look so well?

To say that Jungwon looked like a mess was an understatement.

He bit his tongue, cursing for choosing the greatest timing. He tugged at the hem of his shirt, subtly trying to adjust it. What should he do . . . now? How should he start?

How were you? Why didn’t you look for him? Were you doing fine? Did you find someone else? Have you moved on? Should he move on? Did you -

In the short silence, you seemed to be relieved to receive a text message, the ding that gives you an excuse to look away and check your phone. You make a face, feeling suddenly alarmed. Expression rushed, you formally bid him goodbye, and it fucking hurts him even more. “Nice seeing you. I should be on my way now. Have a nice day.”

A strangers’ nice pleasantry. With no sincerity.

But you walk away, leaving him – not bothering to ask him for another meet-up. Jungwon is left standing in the middle of the street, dumbfounded.

Like it ended here.

Is this it?

He wasn’t even able to get to say anything.

This was worse than being nothing to each other.

It was worse than being treated like someone you hated.

He tries to inhale.

Jungwon has no idea, honestly. Not anymore.

One day, he had told himself for years.

One day, he would broadly smile at you. He’d stand proudly confident, and you’d know that he’s gotten over you for good. He’d win and see that he’s no longer suffering. You would see. You would. He’d get over you.

But bumping into you for the first time in years had Jungwon rethinking if he’s ever gotten over your eyes in the first place.

PRESENT

You can sulk for a little, throw a tantrum - but a kite is a kite. There’s no chance of it coming back; once you let go, it doesn’t look back at you to pause and run back to your hold. There was only one thing you could do from thereon: you could always forget about it, toss it aside like a child does, and replace it with a new one; making sure it’s a much better kind.

That. That was something you reminded yourself time and time again for the past two years. Though the line was taken from a measly television show that you’ve watched long ago, it’s been the only line of string that kept you from looking back - like a mother telling her child to stop crying over a lost kite.

But, right then and there, it was like time itself pauses for you when you stand in the same café four years ago, hearing the all-familiar voice that you could never forget. There, when you feel your heart beating out of your control and dropping dead. There, where you’re not sure of the extent of what you could restrain yourself from doing.

You don’t know how you’re suddenly transported to the direction of the soft voice - it’s familiarity greeting you, and for a brief second, the memories you’ve burned long ago painfully flash back to mind - you almost flinch.

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ train wreck by james arthur ]

“I don’t wanna lose this, but I’m not getting through this. Hey, should I pray? Should I pray? Yeah,” Yang Jungwon.

It’s him.

Him, with his stupidly beautiful voice and his damn entrancing presence dragging you back harder than you remembered, and the pain he’s trying to immerse himself in as he ignores his physical surroundings.

And you.

You, as you’re trying to fight away the haunting flash of memories that are slowly starting to accompany you, and you, as you could do nothing but fleetingly watch him.

This was the second time you’ve bumped into him. You snorted, why was he always everywhere you went?

And it was like after the years of methodically stitching yourself back together, you’re transported back to the same person you were two years ago.

A fool.

“To myself? To a God? To a savior who can …”

You admit, there were days where you forgot his face - or in other words, days where you refused to acknowledge how he used to look at you. Days where it was too painful to even think about.

You swear to yourself that those days are long over.

Standing across the end of the room after three years of absolutely nothing from him felt suffocating, as if there was no air to breathe. You didn’t realize you were holding in a short breath, and when you exhaled - you felt pinning, and needles, and knives stabbed deep into your lungs.

“Unbreak the broken, unsay these spoken words. Find hope in the hopeless - pull me out of the train wreck,”

When Jungwon’s eyes slowly open, the first thing he sees is you.

Both your eyes meet, and he freezes. All too slowly. Everything in motion. You notice how his eyes widen, and how the old memories flash in his eyes all the same.

PainMiseryHurtDisbeliefHope-

The regret.

All this happens in front of you. A dream. A nightmare. All at once. Your face remains passive and unaffected, hard - nonchalant with ease, refusing to feel bothered. Time seems slow, but you don’t hesitate to casually walk away, being the first to break eye-contact. You didn’t want to spend another second in that room.

Your grip on the drink in hand tightens in its own accord.

You’ve moved on.

But what was this sort of feeling enveloping you in?

A teasing wolf-whistle startles you on your way out of the café, ripping you out of the lethargic trance you were warped into. “Was that an ex I saw over there?” You find Nishimura Riki with his shit-eating face and his waggling of eyebrows up beside you. Grimacing at his face, you harshly nudge your elbow to his sides in annoyance.

Breathing is a little bit easier with him around.

But you still feel like vomiting. “Is shutting up not part of how your brain is wired?” you roll your eyes, showing no effort at all to hide your agitation. He lets out an amused laugh, his playful gaze only duplicating itself as he proceeds to brutally tease you.

Riki isn’t an asshole. Not really. He’s what you’d call your best friend … without much other choice. Though he can perfectly embody one, he knows his limits (though you may sometimes find yourself doubting it) and the extents to where he can joke around. He can be all sorts annoying and a douche whenever food is on the line, but he’s the only one who’s stuck with you since day one of what happened two years ago - and never bothered to pressure you into questions that tormented you even further.

You lost contact with the friends you had once shared along with Jungwon. It felt embarrassing and uncomfortable to hang around them with everyone aware of what happened, until it was long months later that it just didn’t seem right to suddenly start hanging around them again after your efforts vigorously avoiding them.

You’ve lost a lot.

And you just met the man behind it all.

Nishimura Riki was sort of all you had, and he knew that too. He figured everything that happened eventually through time, by himself. Picking up the little things wasn’t too difficult to do, neither was piecing everything together with a little help and slow nudge from you over the years.

“He’s moving in this building, you know,” he looks over to your side.

Your stomach lurches, freezing in place. Your jaw nearly drops to the floor, gaping at him like your eyes would bulge out any second.

Over your fucking dead body.

That building was precisely the building you lived in. “What?” you nearly yell, causing passersby walking along the sidewalks to throw the both of you looks.

He rolls his eyes, “Geez, princess, clam down. I was kidding,” he bumps his shoulder next to yours, as if he was trying to shake you up. He starts going over about how you were showing ‘hang-ups’ symptoms before you start barking a mouthful of threatening-nothings to have him shut his mouth, running after him.

Something rings different, however.

Yang Jungwon.

The name lingers in the back of your head, no matter how hard you try to push it away. It’s been three years, but when the kite you’ve lost years ago - the kite you swore you’ve already forgotten about - comes back, what then?

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

You weren’t necessarily the warmest type of person.

Blank faces, blunt responses, and sharp glares were all people received from you. You got others avoiding you in return, it was a give and take situation that benefited perfectly on both sides – perhaps more on your side. It worked as a repellent to kept everyone off your radar. And you liked that. You enjoyed being left alone. You found peace in your own solitude, away from other people. You were never exactly fond of people, either way.

Yang Jungwon was certainly a different breed.

Maybe it was the challenge that he liked, at first. You; the unwavering and ‘unbeatable’ challenge that provoked him – enticed him. That kept him coming. You were a brick wall, and he was someone who had the world at the palm of his hand.

But you don’t know how his intentions changed along the way.

You don’t know what made him change his mind – or what part of you that he saw that made him choose to do so, but it wasn’t of any use to figure out how.

Because he wanted you, now.

And he would ever-so-bluntly admit that.

All your efforts of shrugging him off made him fight harder for you. It was useless. The more you would curse at him with the harshest words just made him want to tag along by your side even more with that boyish grin never leaving his face.

He was a weird one.

“You know, you’re not as mean as how the people label you as.”

“And you’re more annoying than they claim you to be,” you don’t crack an amused smile. Jungwon wonders if he’s ever seen you smile – or even wear anything else of an expression that didn’t look bored, annoyed, angry, or enraged. He takes a moment to visualize how beautiful you would look when you smile and decides that he’ll do anything to see that happen. Just like that.

“You keep tossing me away,” he defended himself, the corner of his lips tugging downwards in the smallest pout.

“You keep coming back,” you retorted back, eyes shooting daggers.

By the look of his face, you realize your response wasn’t the best. “I’ll keep coming back to you,” he finishes. A lopsided grin. His brain was wired differently.

You didn’t hold back your prolonged suffering exhale.

It was a careless remark.

Such a recklessly made promise.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

[ JUNGWON’S POV ]

No one loves you like Yang Jungwon.

Whenever you’re blabbering about something with the biggest smile on your face, every time at that exact moment Jungwon knows that no one can ever be as fucking in love you like a dumb plain sheet of white paper like he can. Nor can they get to know you - or the 2 am you. They wouldn’t get to know how beautiful you look with the one side-lamp illuminating a side of your face - and the little things that come along with it, it’s only him.

It’s only him.

But when he stares into your eyes, he knows it all too. No one is as bad for you as Jungwon is either, he believes, and it fucking destroys him as he holds onto you tighter, his hands slightly trembling. He can’t lose you, he doesn’t want to, and he doesn’t know the person he’ll become if he ever does. He doesn’t know if he’ll even make a day after it.

Why didn’t he think that there would ever be an end to a sweet dream?

Yang Jungwon is your first, but someone else is going to be your last.

Someone else that wasn’t him.

He muffles the sound of the soft cries that escape him as you peacefully sleep next to him in his tight hold, unaware of what’s to come.

He’s everything that he promised you he would never be.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

THE NEXT WEEK

Riki must’ve placed some sort of curse on you for this to happen.

You could vividly imagine his shit-eating face with his loud laughter already.

Whatever witchcraft or shitty attempt of ‘fate’ this was, Nishimura Riki was going to be the cause of your death. Though this has barely anything to do with him, you can’t think of anyone else that brings that much bad luck to you. You’re seriously starting to think the world is unreservedly just fucking with you for entertainment.

Just when you thought you were never going to see him again.

Yang Jungwon stands at the front of the classroom, leaning on one foot with a backpack slung over his one shoulder. You almost facepalm, this was some Egyptian curse that was going to follow and haunt you, wasn’t it? Perhaps the ghost haunting you was in the form of your ex-boyfriend.

Of course, the new student had to just be him.

You never thought you would ever see him again. Thankfully, he doesn’t notice you and sits the farthest from your area. You keep your head focused on the individual work assigned to the class. If this whole thing could keep up, you could probably spend the next semester without him knowing you’re in the same class, then, you could hopefully change classes by the next - it wouldn’t be so bad. You didn’t have to acknowledge him.

That is, until the Professor starts assigning him roles and tasks. “There are the modules for you to read, and then around four individual minor projects to keep up with. The fifth individual project, however, majorly affects your grade,” he pauses, lightly smacking his lips as he scans his student list.

He flips through papers as he continues, “since you’ve missed most of the term, I’ll be pairing you up with Lim Seoyeon,” he drags the last word, scurrying through his papers to find another name, “and Y/L/N Y/N. Both are only lacking their thesis papers, while the others are still lacking to submit three projects, so it would be most convenient for her compared to the rest.”

Your stomach churns, feeling sick. Physically cringing, you felt like creating an uproar. Wherever Yang Jungwon goes, trouble always follows; this simply could not be happening to you. Lord, it was the least convenient to you.

This world couldn’t hate you this much.

You wanted to curse any of the gods above you placed you in this shithole, being beyond frustrated and unwilling. Anyone but him. You could only mournfully regret passing all your projects in advance, it was ironic. You get yourself into fucked up situations for being a good student? What is this university?

The Professor doesn’t clarify anything with you - nor does he justify the situation and the injustice, but only throws a nod in acknowledgement in your direction before he waves at Jungwon in dismissal - excusing himself from the classroom.

Your eyes could almost bulge out.

What was happening . . . ?

Jungwon’s eyes sweep over the room before he finds you, but you note how he doesn’t look the least surprised to see you. He stares, trying to discern your expression, but you once again break eye contact within a second.

You were in hell.

You had no option to stalk up to the teacher’s desk to bargain when the professor wasn’t there in the first place. You were fucking stuck with him. You felt the burning flames when he got up to make his way to you, and as he stood right in front of you. Choking to death because of a meatball in live television seemed like a much peaceful idea that kept most of your remaining dignity.

Maybe if you kept your head buried with studies, he would go away.

“Y/N,” a voice acknowledges you.

Fuck, you could remember that voice anywhere.

“It’s nice to see you.” Yang Jungwon.

You made a noise in response.

The feeling was not reciprocated.

You hate the way he sounds.

Like he wasn’t the same person three years ago.

You forcefully nod curtly at him, and you’re drowning.

Suddenly, we are strangers again. An unwanted stranger. There was no other option rather than tolerating him until it was all fine. You could do this. You didn’t want to, but you had to, otherwise you’d be at the polar end of the classroom by now if you had the choice.

But you chose to ignore him: Ignore the fact that he sat right next to you in close proximity, ignore the fact that you could smell his cologne - the familiarity of it and how it smelled like home, and ignored him like he never existed when he tried asking questions. In your defense, either they were a waste of time to answer, or they could easily be found in the textbook.

“Hi, I was wondering if –” Ignore it.

“Do you know where the questions for –?” Ignore it.

“Don’t you think this project is pretty difficult –?” Ignore it.

And you turned a blind eye to the fact that you disregarded him because you didn’t know if you could control yourself.

Seoyeon was a lifesaver, managing to keep you sane as she voluntarily chose to step in to help Jungwon out after hearing all his questions directed to you left unanswered. You wouldn’t know what you would do if you were forced alone with him. She reads the room but doesn’t question anything.

You tell yourself it was anger that made yourself this way.

Blind consuming anger.

You hate how Jungwon could still manage read you after all this time.

A quiet and gentle question, “Y/N, are you mad at me?”

You barely react, but your eyes squint on their own. You weren’t going to lie nor deny it, you do really wish he hadn’t chosen to interact with you. Staring blankly at your laptop screen, you don’t move. A hushed voice - a subconscious that you swore you lost long ago - in the back of your head whispers an answer before you force yourself to shove it down. You almost scoffed; are you mad at him? What kind of a dumb question is that?

He was nothing but an ass, he hadn’t changed.

“No, why would I be?” You answer brusquely, your tone signifying that you were keeping a distance from him without having to say it.

You hope the cue was taken.

There was no need to keep the friendliness with him – you weren’t obligated to. Formalities were all there was left. At least you would treat him with the respect that you were scraping your skin out for, right? Whatever you had with him - it was over. It was long gone.

You refused to be controlled under the palm of his hand ever again.

You swiftly pack your belongings and left him without a work or glance to spare his way the second you hear the bell signal the end of the period right on time. You don’t even bid your classmate, Seoyeon, goodbye. You’d apologize to her later and explain things to her, hoping she’d understand and lend a helping hand.

It’s been two years and the minute he shows up, you find yourself crumbling and unable to control yourself, and that frustrates you. You’re slipping.

Being around him was a waste of energy.

You remind yourself that you feel nothing.

He was a stranger to you now.

Once again, you walked away from him, gripping the strap of your backpack tightly in sheer annoyance and vexation. Mind racing, you try to find a reason; why was Yang Jungwon in your major and university and what in the heavens above does he want from you?

LATER

Riki roars in laughter, his hand slapping his knee as he nearly falls off the chair. You were almost tempted to push him off.

“You think it can’t get any funnier than that, but it does!” he pretends to wipe away a fake tear, “you ignored him all the way through!” he bursts into fits laughter once again.

“Poor guy, getting the silent treatment from someone like Y/N on your first day at college is depressing,” he empathizes, though it doesn’t sound by any means sincere. Nothing about Nishimura Riki is sincere. “At least I’m not the only one Y/N treats like shit!” he notes positively with a beam on his face, but you’re not sure if that’s anything that’s supposed to be of positive news.

You whack the back of his head, and he whines. “When have I ever treated you like shit, you dumbass?”

“I’m taking this as a form of harassment,” he grumbles.

You stick your tongue out at him mischievously, “Oh, boo-hoo, you big baby, ‘s not like you don’t bully the hell out of me,” you roll your eyes, “and help out and do something about Jungwon, will you?” you ask him for a favor, your tone indicating exhaustion.

He furrows his eyebrows at you, “What’d you want me to do - bury his body? Doll, I barely even know the guy.”

You swing your arms - shooing something nonexistent away for gesturing, “Just keep him away! I don’t know, do one of those stupid ideas that you always come up with. I can’t stand seeing his face,” you complain, almost childishly stomping your feet in outrage. This was unlike you.

He lowly whistles, “I was really hoping for some real kind of exes-to-lovers type of k-drama lead coming to life,” he comments, and you muster the biggest disgusted glare at him. He only shrugs his shoulders with a mere ‘hey-what-can-you-do?’.

“However, there’s a …” he trails off, lighting up like a lightbulb with an idea in mind already.

You raise a brow, “A what?”

He looks at you with a grin, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows, “We can fake-date.”

You were dumb to ask him for ideas. You groan. “Not again.”

“C’mon,” he probes you, tugging at your arm. Was he really that bored with his life to want to fake-date you?

You blankly stare at him, deadpanned. “You get dumber and dumber the more I talk to you,” you don’t hold back from telling him, receiving a dirty scowl thrown at you, “I’m serious! Isn’t that what people do whenever one of their exes show up?”

Squinting at him, you ask, “Just how many fanfics have you been reading?”

He crosses his arms, “Make fun of me all you want, but we both know that those ideas never fail,” he huffs, “you wanted him gone, didn’t you?” he tries to resonate, “Everyone thinks we’re already a thing anyway, it won’t be too hard, or would it be much of a trouble if we just went on with it. We’re basically pros at this dating thing, aren’t we?”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, “Yes, and getting back at him would feel rightfully good as hell and all but,” you sigh in exasperation, hating to be the one to ruin the fun, “doing that would mess everything up even more, I’m sure. We’d be the ones ending up as the dumb fools in the situation. Did you already forget the time we fake dated to get that girl obsessed over you off your back? And how it backfired on us?” you stated, and Riki’s thoughtful silence justified your stance.

You’d rather die the most undignified death than have Yang Jungwon win the second time around, and that was not happening under Nishimura Riki’s watch.

“If I could just turn into a wizard or anything like that and ‘magic’ him away,” you plopped an arm up on the desk, resting the side of your cheek at the palm of your hand, “probably turn him into a damn ugly and useless broomstick while at it, too.”

Riki lets out a humorous short laugh at the sight of you, “Cheer up, princess,” he slings an arm around your shoulder, poking your cheek, “I’ll help you too, and I’ll beat him up whenever he tries to go near you; hot sexy Nishimura Riki cares about your cute dumbass,” You bump your hip playfully toward his. I’m not leaving you alone, is what he was trying to say.

He’d excuse it as simply returning the favor that he asked from you. The time when the both of you fake-dated, and it backfired – forcing you to reach extreme measures that went on for months.

Right, you had Riki. And he wasn’t going to just ditch you, not like him. He’s stayed firmly next to you for the past two years through all the shit you put him though (and all the shit he put you through). Riki may have been a rascal, but he was nothing compared to how shitty Yang Jungwon was.

You simply just had to keep going and help Jungwon out in certain parts while interacting the least you could and ignore him (or preferably call Riki to tell him off, he’d love to finally be given the chance to annoy the shit out of someone) whenever he tries anything funny. As soon as it was over, you’d do your stay out of his way and pretend like nothing happened. After all, he was the one who left. If anyone was trying to run away, it’d be him.

Everything was going to be fine. You didn’t care.

It was no big deal; no extensive measures were needed.

A sharp inhale.

You didn’t know if you were lying or if you were telling the truth.

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ yellow by coldplay ]

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

Jungwon liked to follow you around.

He also liked dragging you along with him with whatever excuse he could come up with. You never could really decipher what that oddball was thinking, just when you thought you caught up to him, he surprises you with something new every day.

Lee Heeseung, your senior, was discussing that week’s event that the school was holding with you when Jungwon swoops in and drags you away without second thought, “Sorry, hyung! Gotta borrow her today ~” he throws a grin, and Heeseung could only roll his eyes, staring in playful disbelief after the both of you, “ya, that’s what you said the last three times too!”

Jungwon gives the kind of pleading look you know Heeseung couldn’t resist, “I swear I’ll pay you back with free lunch, hyung!” he yells back. You were used to being dragged away or trailed around by him; it wasn’t anything of the ordinary. He winks at you.

No matter how hard you would try to avoid him or threaten him, he was always looking at you with the most mischievous silly and crazy ideas in mind.

On the other hand, he didn’t really enjoy the idea of you hanging out with other guys.

Could you call him delusional? You really wanted to.

And then there was this other instance, where Jungwon had sulked behind you the whole period, making noises that surely irritated you whilst you interviewed Park Jay for a class paper, who was a part of the varsity team. It forced you to spend the entire day with him for the interview, which Jungwon did not seem to like. It came to the point where you had to embarrassedly excuse yourself from the number of huffs and noises he was making. Jay was left giving confused looks, completely distracted from the whole topic that the whole interview was pointless no matter how hard her tried to ignore Jungwon.

“What is your deal?” You hissed at Jungwon in annoyance as soon as you scurried away from the varsity team, “you completely embarrassed me over there, you rascal!” He doesn’t hear you. He seemed deep in thought, as if he was battling with himself. Jungwon faced you with the biggest frown - looking more distraught than ever, “You don’t like him, right?”

Your mouth slightly hangs open, thrown off-guard. What?

“He isn’t your type, isn’t he? He doesn’t look like it. You’d never go for a guy like him.” He looked ridiculous – and it wasn’t much of a shock to you. An idiot and a loser. You figured it’d only be a matter of time before he completely lost his mind. It was as if he was talking to himself. You lightly whacked his arm, trying to get some sense into him and snap him out, “What are you talking about, you rascal?”

He bores his eyes onto yours, “Whatever. I won’t let you, anyway. I’ll stay by your side you ‘till the day I die if I have to.” His eyes were set with firm determination, yet you didn’t bother pressing on - being sure he was up to no good, as usual.

He was speaking, but you couldn’t piece together what he was trying to imply. You didn’t really care either, he was a weird guy. Still, you were frustrated at him for just having to mess everything up for you again, “I can’t believe you,” you muttered incredulously, turning your heel to start walking away from him – you were done with this boy.

“Hey – angel, no, wait. Where are you going –?”

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

Admittedly, you didn’t hate Yang Jungwon as much when you had first met him, but the dislike started to grow at a profound rate when he started acting as a nuisance the more occasions he stuck around.

You weren’t exaggerating. Jungwon was just the epitome of overbearingly unable to understand social boundaries and your extreme dislike of having him in a 2-mile radius near you.

And you had your dignity, but Jungwon was an entirely different topic. Hiding from him in the gymnasium lockers was your last resort.

“Gotcha,” a cheery voice slides in beside you out of nowhere. Your heart almost jumped out of your body in fright, did he always have to jump-scare you out of nowhere?

“Seriously –?!”

“Stop playing hide and seek with me, angel. I’d love to play this game some other time with you but not now! We have somewhere else to go!” He has got to be shallow. Or dumb. Really dumb. You don’t know. As much as he loved blabbering endless nonsense around you that never seemed to make sense and was barely capable of leaving your side, you barely knew anything of him.

You glowered at him, “I’m not playing hide and seek with you, you rascal! I’m obviously avoiding you –!”

He pats the top of your head before gently grabbing your hand, interrupting your nth effort to knock some sense into him. “Let’s go! It’s my turn for a Y/N day.” he points forward, leaving the library baggage hall that he found you hiding in. A Y/N day? What were you to him, an item? You groan, sounding sorrow. You really thought you got away from him this time. “Yah, we’re going to miss class!”

You didn’t even know why you bothered.

Jungwon tilts his head, giving you a look as if to tell you to not worry, “We’re going to the river today, anyway. I brought my boombox with me,” he proudly tells you, and you aggravatedly sigh, feeling defeated. You swore you made all the measures needed to carefully avoid him, thinking you were finally left alone.

“Why do you always bring me along?” you deadpan, trying to wriggle free from his grasp. He was probably going to insert another flirtatious line or something among those actions. Why don’t you ever leave me alone?

You never really got it. Any of his interests, in fact. Why was he so determined to pursue you? There were countless of girls who were more of a ‘challenge’, and they were all the more interesting than you, with no doubt. What did he see in you? “Don’t you have any other friends?” you pulled a face at him. Jungwon has been by your side for such a long time that you grew accustomed to his presence, still, you weren’t going to admit that.

“I don’t want to hang out with them, I want to go with you,” he simply explains, as if it was the most obvious answer.

You furrow your eyebrows at him, irritated, yet curious as you stress, “Why?”

He pauses, still looking ahead as he guides you forward, “Being around you makes me happy.” You simply glance at him and the look he has makes you shiver.

Jungwon was always straightforward. There was not an ounce of shame in that man’s soul. He said what was on his mind without any filter, and he also had a peculiar way of thinking, which in terms, you guess, made him intelligent.

A beat passes, and you don’t find a retort to throw back at him.

Jungwon was like this beaming sunshine and busted in the dark hell you drowned yourself in.

Even if you enjoyed the darkness.

He always knew where to find you.

He found you.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

Every year.

Every moment.

Jungwon was always there.

Yang Jungwon always knew where to find you, it was like his sixth sense. He could spot any of your bullshit or anything that you were hiding from him in a mile radius. There was no bother in hiding from him. He would always pop up by your side with a lopsided smile, carrying his guitar around and whining to you because he wanted to do something fun.

He was a bothersome child.

He was there in the times you didn’t want to see him, and he was there in the times where you needed someone but there was no one to turn to. It was as if you could summon him, you would always retort.

Making up excuses was his specialty, he always seemed to disregard everything to tag along with you. He made crazily creative alibies that never seemed to run out just in order to be able to stay by your side.

Until one day he stopped.

Until one day he ran out of reasons.

So, where was he and what was he doing two years ago when he left you the moment you needed only him the most?

One day, you woke up and he was gone. You haven’t heard from him since. Not a trace left. Not a ghost left to haunt you. And somehow, that haunted you even more.

Where did you go?

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

You liked the pastries that Jungwon used to make for you.

You remember that he made them for you a lot. Whenever you did a job well done on a simple test or if you overworked yourself, you always found a box of your favorite flavors on your desk or locker the following day. You didn’t have to question who it was from; he didn’t have to say anything.

You weren’t accustomed to having that kind of treatment. A simple job done is merely a simple job done. There hasn’t been much of a pat on a back or a congratulatory party for the little achievements, and that was completely fine you. However, that wasn’t the case for Jungwon.

Puzzled, you held up the mysterious box, “What is this?”

“Sweets. Try them and tell me if you like them or not,” you could tell that he was anxious in anticipation. You try and hand it back over to him, “Oh, I’m not really in the mood for sweets, you can go ahead and give them to Minju though, she loves -”

“I didn’t make them for Minju,” he stands in front of you, sort of dejected and earnest. That was a new look on him. His face seemingly somewhat deflated, and somewhat embarrassed. He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, refusing to meet your gaze as he shakes his head and changes his mind, trying to reach over the box to save his dignity in the situation.

Your eyes slightly widen, processing, “Wait,” you withdraw your extended arm, looking back at the box, pointing to it, “you made this?”

“It’s not really any -” Jungwon starts, reaching out for the box for him to take back but you swat his arm away.

“You should’ve said so, dumbass! I love things homemade,” you explain lightheartedly, your eyes glittering once you open the box to reveal damn beautifully decorated chocolates. Your mouth formed an ‘o’ shape from the blow, almost gasping.

He did that?

“You don’t have to act all that, you know,” Jungwon adds, and when you spare him a glace, you realize he’s being serious.

You roll your eyes at him, ready to punch his arm. Acting? He wishes! Was he just wanting more compliments from you, or did he really believe that his baking didn’t look like the prettiest things ever? They looked too beautiful to eat but you didn’t know if you could manage to restrain yourself from eating something that looked so delicious. “Shut up, look at that! Are you, like, a world-renowned baker or something?”

As soon as nearly half of the box was eaten by you, you mentally felt something hit you, like a pang. Though you couldn’t exactly discern what. You felt something, a lurch of it. A swell of happiness, a swell of being seen, a swell of not being alone, not anymore. “Jungwon?” you looked at him.

He leaned his weight against the wall in the front of you, taking one of his earpieces off, “Mm.”

“Thanks,” It was casual, but you meant it. You really did. He could read it from your eyes. He probably spent a lot of time making these, you thought. Then you realize that’s all he ever did to you; spend his time on you.

He’s sincere. A troublesome rascal, definitely. But sincere. It’s funny how it took him to just make some homemade sweets for you to see and realize, “you’re not that bad.”

You don’t know if you left him speechless, but you walk down the hallway with him staring after you. Words left unspoken.

Something new had changed then.

You didn’t know what to call it.

But it felt good.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ meet me at our spot by the anxiety ]

THE NEXT MORNING

[8:04 am] unknown number: hi good morning

[8:04 am] unknown number: it’s jungwon :)

[8:05 am] unknown number: i just wanted to wish u a good day

[8:06 am] unknown number: i’m really proud of u

Four text messages to ruin the start of your day.

And in addition, there it was: the exact familiar box of pastries on the desk you were at yesterday that morning.

You nearly got yourself nauseous at the sight.

Were you dreaming?

Blinking it off, you snap out of it. You scoff, Jungwon was more shameless and a lot bolder than you thought. What was the box supposed to signify? ‘I’m proud of you’?, ‘I’m sorry’?, or an ‘I miss you’? Either way, you never knew Yang Jungwon could ever stoop so low.

Two years and the first thing he does is give you a box of sweets, was he thinking it’d pay back all the shit he pulled? Bribe you with sweets and suddenly everything would be okay?

Your resentment for him grew even more.

Anger was a better feeling to experience other than any of the other emotions.

At the side of your eye, you could see Jungwon. You pretend not to, and you try so hard. You don’t miss the glances he throws you, he was probably waiting for your response.

Surely, he should expect from you that the response was going to be nothing good. Does he know you at all?

Throwing it away seemed over the top, but you didn’t know what the rest of your options were. You hesitate, eating it would only make him believe that everything’s okay. And in case Jungwon didn’t get the memo: everything is not okay.

This won’t hurt you.

You toss the box to someone else; your hands slightly freeze on its own for a moment when you realize Jungwon was watching. Only for a moment.

You weren’t taking his bait.

You didn’t want it.

You don’t look at him, and you don’t bother to see his reaction. Biting down your tongue, you jabbed your pen down the desk forcefully - you ignore the sense of guilt. He asked for it.

It takes a bit more effort to remain nonchalant this time.

Jungwon was getting in your nerves. Again.

LATER

You were dragged into a library group filled with people you barely knew of by Ningning and Seoyeon. You recognized Jake Sim from chemistry class, and a few others that you weren’t entirely confident you knew the name of. Jungwon was there. Of course, he had to be.

Though you were an expert at turning invitations and confessions down, you really weren’t much of the action type. Some would call you the ‘all bark, no bite’ type, but that was mostly because people who ensued and pressed on having it their way was just stubborn.

Most of your life, people went along your bark, it was rare that anyone went against it – but not impossible. Yang Jungwon.

The name flashes by your mind involuntarily as if it was a burn.

As if your mind works on its own, you find yourself staring at him – he paid no interest in the conversation as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone, bored. The only word he had ever said was when he had assertively stated that he wanted the seat that was close to yours. He had also joined the conversation and firmly voted against Jake sitting next to you. What a problem boy.

[02:44 pm] yang jungwon: u look good today

You were bored, but definitely not bored enough to be willing to immerse yourself into that mess.

You were entirely out of the group’s topic of conversation yourself, immersing yourself all in your head and thoughts until a girl named Naeun – you think – waggles her brows at you. “What about you, ms. ‘most-popular-with-guys’?”

“How many of them did you turn down this week?” Lee adds into it lightheartedly, poking fun.

Jungwon’s attention is immediately averted to you – and you hate that you can feel his gaze boring into your face.

You feel more uncomfortable than ever, trying to argue with them, “What? That’s not true—!”

Ningning’s eyes glint in mischievousness, taking in your denial as something you were embarrassed about as she joins into the conversation. But it wasn’t, not entirely.

You were highly uncomfortable. “Don’t deny it. You’re more than just ‘popular’ with guys. I swear I saw with my own eyes at least two guys try and hit you up on this exact library alone from the past few days.”

You could hear chortled laughter from around you.

You know none of the voices belonged to or were from Jungwon.

You’d rather suffocate.

“I heard you were pretty popular with the guys during your high school years too!” Seoyeon chirped. You felt nauseated. Where did they even hear that information? You incredulously retorted to yourself.

“D’you date any of them?” Lun from literature class pipes in, interested. You feel your face turn hot against your will. “Any hotties you can introduce me to?” someone adds into it suggestively, clearly enjoying the topic of discussion.

Your face starts to sour, reeking of irritation.

“Ooh! I remember hearing Y/N dated a guy during high school. That’s probably why she wasn’t able to date much?” Ningning suggests, and you wanted to kick her out of the room. Was anyone just not able to pick out on social cues? Was everyone not able to notice how uncomfortable you looked?

Seoyeon’s eyes enlarged in alarm, “Y/N dated before?” Despite the distressing situation, you almost slipped out a laugh, you were always known for your strong dislike towards romance and men and you liked it that way. You guess the impression still hasn’t changed.

He’s in the exact same room right now, you wanted to spit out. Your face hardens, but you don’t say anything.

“What’s the big deal? We were barely anything anyway.”

Ningning does not get your clue, instead, she looks more confused than ever. “Huh? From what I heard; you both were pretty serious.”

“You never told me anything about him,” Seoyeon complains, grabbing your arm and repeatedly swinging it around. With everyone’s attention on you, your usual ‘i-hate-everyone’ façade falls into dust.

You snort, keeping your tone casual, “About what? He was barely anyone special, in the first place.”

A bunch of unanimous curious ‘oohs’ were heard around the room. “Oohlala, spill. What made the relationship end?”

You take a thoughtful pause, as if it was the first time you were giving it thought, “He was selfish.” A shrug.

You ensure that the whole table hears your answer, especially him. Ningning scrunches her nose in distaste at your answer, “Ugh, typical. Boys really aren’t shit.”

“You’d give your entire world to them, and they decide that it’s not enough. Discontented assholes.” Lee comments with a bunch of insults thrown away without regard, and the Seoyeon pretends to vomit at the mention of boys. “Dirtbags. His loss,” is all she says.

You really don’t have any idea of what to do in this situation.

A strangled noise escapes Jungwon, and he covers it up with loud coughs. He looked like he’s just been badly burned, and you try to casually shift in your seat. The rest of the group takes it as a cue to ask him the same question as well, figuring he wanted to be included.

“And what about you, newbie?” Jake notices, an effort to try to get Jungwon to feel included. “Ever dated before?”

He stares blankly in response. A glance your way, and it takes a fraction of a second for you to avert your eyes away. You hope no one caught that. A moment. Or two. Until, “No, never.” Casually, with a helpless shrug before his attention was back on his phone. He doesn’t even regard that you were ever a part of his past.

Your insides clenches on their own.

That was it. The signal. You were back to being notoriously known for your cold behavior, good grades, and popular game with men, while Jungwon was back into his reputation of being a cute and care-free affectionate and loveable brat that would never do anyone wrong.

Everything was back the way it started.

Rewind. A start over. Where Jungwon doesn’t get to see the nurturing, caring, childish, and mischievous side of you, and where you never got to see the depth to him: his coolness and his silence. The eyebrow lifts, his head-pats, his reliability, his loyalty, his promises, his stories, his determination – everything about him that everyone missed, that was simply nothing now.

We’ll never be those kids again.

Your phone buzzes.

[02:52 pm] yang jungwon: i figured u didn’t want them to know.

[02:54pm] yang jungwon: are you mad?

Both your eyes meet in the midst of the others bickering with each other.

All the remnants of history erased.

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

[ JUNGWON'S POV: 1 YEAR AGO ]

“I’ve been looking for you all night!” she skips, twirling in front of him, “What d’you think? I figured you might like this outfit.” She had an annoying voice, and was definitely way too clingy. Black long hair or something, honestly, any of the faces he’s seen were all only just blank and empty to him.

Jungwon doesn’t even regard her existence.

“C’mon ~” The girl drags, tugging at his arm. He doesn’t even know her name. He’s probably crossed by her more than a couple times with the way she was acting.

She was annoying. Not like you at all. No one was like you.

Jungwon was already in a sour mood. “You’ve been stuck at the couch all night, you lame-dummy!” She points a dragging finger to his chest, “No one wants to be a lame-dummy, c’mon, come with me! It’ll be fun,” she tries to persuade in a sing-song voice, inviting him in.

It doesn’t shake him by the least.

He shakes his head, shortly emitting a single scoff in irritation as he jerks away the hand on his shoulder. His tense facial features say everything. Without saying another word, he chooses to leave the room quietly and awkwardly without bidding goodbye to the other friends who invited him.

These parties were useless. Everything was useless. Every day was too boring and empty without meaning.

He had no place here.

This wasn’t where he belonged.

He damn well still belonged to that person he always has belonged to.

You.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

[09:12 pm] yang jungwon: hello bo ;]

[09:12 pm] yang jungwon: i hope u had a good day :)

[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: i’m always here if u need me

[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: just so you know

[09:17 pm] yang jungwon: i’ll always be there

[09:20 pm] yang jungwon: and i hope i crossed your mind at least once..

read

A FEW DAYS LATER

You were beyond thankful to have Seoyeon around him to save yourself the awkward interactions.

She was the icebreaker. The only factor that allowed you to act as if Jungwon wasn’t there in the first place and ignore his existence. Given that she was an icebreaker, she was also clueless.

She had no idea of the hatred you had for him - or the reluctance to look his way, much more interact with him. It wasn’t her fault, but you wish you rather didn’t have to explain the situation to her as the only option for her to stop trying to get you and Jungwon to talk.

“Wasn’t yesterday fun? It was nice having new people around,” she brings up as a conversation starter. Jungwon was minding his business working on his project on the side, the both of you had your free time. You politely smile at her, and you know it looks genuine. Explaining things to her wasn’t ideal – you shudder that the possibilities that would happen once you’d confess the situation.

Maybe Jungwon was a private secret of your past that you were never meant to bring up to those in your present.

“That reminds me, who’s the group you hang out with? We really should hang out more.” She slightly frowns before adding, “You’re really fun!”

“You too,” you add with a half grin, and you genuinely mean it. You kindly nod in agreement with a laugh, desperate to end the topic – but Seoyeon doesn’t cease her intent of giving up her first question.

She smiles at you expectantly as she awaits for an answer, and though you know she’s really just trying to make friends, if awkward topics were all that she was going to be bringing up around you, you would rather not converse with her at all. “Oh uh, that question,” you forced a laugh that comes out awkward, “no one else, really.”

Her lips form a small ‘o’ shape, apologizing for intruding. She softly gasps, alarmed, “Really? To be honest, I think it’s because everyone’s intimidated of you. It was until a few seconds ago that the whole campus figured you had countless of friend groups. Me included.”

You furiously shake your head at her, making a dreadful face in which she giggles at, “Oh God, no.” you comment, “it’s really just me,” you pause, “and Riki of course. Riki. Me and Riki. No one else. Kind of a loner,” you coughed out an awkward ramble, but Seoyeon never even seemed to mind.

“That’s cool, neither way! I get to have you to myself,” she teases lightheartedly as she links her arm around yours.

You were too flustered to notice that Jungwon had heard everything.

THAT EVENING

[10:21 pm] yang jungwon: hi love

[10:22 pm] yang jungwon: you must be tired i hope u rest up tonight :)

[10:22 pm] yang jungwon: i’ve really missed u

[11:49 pm] yang jungwon: goodnight love, sweet dreams :) ♡

read

By the next day, at the end of class, you’re forced to work with Jungwon at the library for the afternoon. Seoyeon was running late by fifteen minutes. This was the only time you didn’t mind.

The air is cold, and the tension was cutthroat, you could suffocate, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Starting a friendly conversation? Why even bother?

You decided to ask him straightforward the moment he tries to initiate conversation by asking you a question, cutting him off, “What are you pulling at?” you blankly stared at him, pokerfaced. Maybe you went off too aggressive, but his face slacks; he was definitely accustomed to your whole act of ignoring his existence, and probably never expected you to even spare a glance his way.

A long pause before he regains his composure, “What do you mean?” his voice is a lot quieter and controlled compared to the past. Now that you notice it, he’s changed in a lot of ways. He’s no longer the bright happy-go-lucky rascal that you were once familiar with. No longer the one who didn’t care about grades, but the one sitting beside you at one of the best universities. He’s … matured a lot.

“The messages?” cutting directly into it, your eyes narrowed on him, “what are you trying to pull at?” you interrogate him. Tell me lies. Tell me the truth. Tell me you’re leaving. Tell me you’re staying.

Surprise is written all over his face, catching him off gaurd, “They’re nothing,” he clears his throat, words getting caught in the midst of it. “I just thought … I, um,” he trailed off, avoiding direct eye contact.

Your hard gaze doesn’t falter, patience running thin. “Spit it out, Yang.”

He winces at your tone, and you wished you hadn’t seen that. “I just thought that you needed it. Not needed it exactly, but, well, I assumed - I wanted to let you know -” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but starts another one instead, “I just miss you,” he states, and he’s looking at you - you remember that kind of look. The kind of look that would once tug at your heartstrings.

Once.

You don’t know what Yang Jungwon is pulling at.

Hm.

You stare down hard at him - eyes narrowed, prospecting, judging, and surveying. You no longer tremble at his words. You don’t falter. Have you grown immune to them? Maybe you were sincerely and truly over him after all.

He was pulling at his charms. His thoughtfulness - the little aspects that’d make you believe that he actually cared; the things you so easily fell into. Not anymore. Not after you believed, once.

Once was enough. It’s all a simple game to him, isn’t it?

The day you break down in front of him and let him hold the strings again would be the day you would die.

Not showing a flicker of emotion, you nonchalantly tsked, irritated, “Don’t bother again, will you?”

Jungwon doesn’t say anything, but you feel his lingering stare.

Your settling glare on the textbook in front of you could burn holes. You let him go – you dismiss him, but he never leaves his spot.

Why does he always linger behind?

[01:03pm] yang jungwon: i don’t know if we should be alone together

read

[02:54pm] yang jungwon: i really can’t control myself when you’re around

read

[04:23pm] yang jungwon: i miss the old you

[04:26pm] yang jungwon: im sorry

read

How much was it going to take for you to admit that you felt the same?

[05:33pm] yang jungwon: just so you know i didn’t mean it that way

[05:33pm] yang jungwon: i just noticed that you’ve changed

[05:33pm] yang jungwon: of course you’ve changed

[05:35pm] yang jungwon: you don’t look at me the same anymore

read

[04:47am] yang jungwon: hi bo

[04:47am] yang jungwon: im sorry but i cant

[04:48am] yang jungwon: i really cant let you go

message delivered

A FEW WEEKS LATER

It didn’t take much for her to piece together. She noticed the pattern of behavior from you, your sour and aggravated persona, and Jungwon’s desperate efforts, then figured you were probably his ex.

“You know,” she clicks her tongue, “the thing about love and hate is that there’s a very thin line between them.”

She squints, fingers fiddling around with a penny as she tries to explain, “they’re two sides of the same coin.”

You made a face. She’s been going about this for hours and showed no sign of stopping. Whining, you turn her way, “what are you taking about this time?”

A grin. She raises both her brows in surrender, “You guys got a lot of unfinished business.”

You give her a look, unimpressed.

“The guy nearly snapped his head yesterday the moment he heard you laugh because he wanted to know what you were laughing about,” Seoyeon stares down at you steadily, provoked that you managed to toss the fact over too easily.

You throw her a crumpled piece of paper, and she easily dodges your throw. “Sure.” you snort, barely feigning any interest.

“Cut him some slack! He was your ex for goodness’ sake, some feelings for him still have to be there at some point. You can’t hate your ex that much without actually-maybe-probably loving them,” she singsongs teasingly. This was lighthearted, you knew, but.

You deadpanned. Feelings.

She has got to be serious.

Some feelings still have to be there.

Your heart didn’t feel anything.

Not anymore.

She stares at you in the silence, faking astonishment.

Her mouth forms a small ‘o’, “You’ve got to be serious.”

You only blink at her.

“Stop … don’t you feel anything for him anymore? Or is it like … nothing at all?” Of course, she was talking about him, you knew that - but why were you suddenly caught off guard? This was crazy.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

No one has ever asked you this question.

How were you going to answer that?

You resented him.

You were angry. More than pissed.

You hated everything about him.

Your face scrunches up in disgust at the thought, but you answer her question after a pause, “One thing I know for sure,” you start casually, pausing in consideration, “is that I don’t want to see that annoying face of his again.”

You meant every word, this time.

You were willing to do whatever it took for that to happen.

At that moment, Seoyeon then concludes that the both of you had unfinished business. Jungwon was clearly not over you, anyone with a mile radius could see that. The boy was drop-dead crazy for you.

The more you try and repress feelings, the larger it grows.

How cliché does that sound?

She tilts her head to the side, glancing your way. But in a way, she knew it wasn’t one-sided, either.

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ all too well by taylor swift ]

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

“Jungwon?” you whispered incredulously. Rubbing your eyes due to your half-asleep state, you leaned your frame against your door with your worry starting to alarm you awake. “What’re you doing here?”

Standing at your apartment door, your boyfriend appeared rugged, his eyes tired and drowsy. You noticed his clothes were still of what you saw him wear yesterday morning. your heart ached to see him in such a state, concluding he had spent the whole day producing, working, and overworking himself without rest. You hated whenever he did this to himself.

Seeing you frown, Jungwon pulls you to his embrace, wrapping you around his arms with a contented sigh, “Just wanted to see my baby,” he mumbles out incoherently, fighting through sleep, “I’ve missed you.”

You clung onto him, your face still at a cloudy state of haze – unreservedly astounded. Meanwhile on the other hand, Jungwon continues to laugh over your dumbfounded look. He pinches the sides of your cheeks, cooing over at you. As you try to wriggle yourself away, you found yourself embracing your figure back into his arms to squeeze his waist tightly in fear that he might disappear. He teases you at the action, lightheartedly calling you his little koala, but you don’t miss the endearing tone to his voice – or the way his breath hitches from your embrace.

“You’re here,” you managed to breathe out to yourself, burying your forehead against his neck. Squeezing your eyes shut, you desperately hoped to the gods above that the moment you opened them, everything wasn’t just going to turn out as another dream of yours. You could barely process much more comprehend what was going on, ‘he’s here, he’s here, he’s here’ were the only notions you could formulate by the slightest, chanting through your brainwork repeatedly for you to comprehend. Humorously, you didn’t wonder how he was possibly here, or why. He shouldn’t be - he was too busy.

You didn’t think about the fact that he’s supposed to be halfway across the world working on his production, and definitely not here. Inhaling his scent, your ongoing worries and stress had seemed to evaporate, your form relaxing almost immediately. He smelled like home.

The loud chatters and distinctive outside noise from people passing by that surrounded the both of you, along the fact that the both of you were in a public place – all had seemed to drown out and appear forgotten. You clung to his warm figure after months of being apart, out of all the days you’d secretly dreamed about him surprising you, you never figured today was going to be that day. You clasped onto him even tighter, your smile growing wider by the second, it’s been quite some time since you ever felt half this happy.

He let out a low vibrating laugh with your face pressed against his chest, engulfing you tightly around his hold whilst swaying the both of you side to side. It was little moments and acts of efforts like these that mattered most to you. You drowned yourself at the rhythm and sound of his heartbeat that spoke the words the both of you already knew; he had missed you.

“I promised, didn’t I?”

Maybe you were always too busy for Yang Jungwon when the both of you dated.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe that was the reason why.

Or maybe he simply always seeking attention from you, constantly and childishly. He complained about you studying too much as he started sulking alone was, he wandered around the place ‘miserably’, while you were trying to place your focus on your book, refusing to give into him again.

A little later and he tossed the fact that he had to pick up some errands, and you volunteered to help accompany him since he mentioned that he’d only be out for a while.

But after picking up the things he had acquired through his errands, the rain was against your luck and poured heavily. You cursed at yourself, having brought no umbrella with you. Looking at Jungwon, you could judge immediately by then that he didn’t bring one as well.

“Running for it sounds pretty good,” you suggested with a beam on your face, but you noticed how Jungwon huffed in disagreement, not approving of the idea; worrying that the rain might get you hurt or sick as he starts pulling out deliberate excuses and reasons.

“It’s too slippery out in the rain, you might fall,”

“Car accidents happen more often in the rain,”

“You’ll get sick, can you afford to be sick at a time like this?”

You ignored all his protests when you decided to just audaciously leave the store entrance before walking into the rain without any given warning.

He doesn’t say anything, and when you glanced back at him in question, you immediately noticed how visibly irritated he was with you misbehaving and ignoring him. Jungwon was always overly protective over you.

Though you appreciated it, his over-protectiveness wasn’t something you exactly needed at this time of your mid-terms. You just needed to study, and Jungwon could simply work on his music. The place you were at wasn’t too far from home, so it wasn’t exactly too absurd to make a run for it.

His eyes zeroed on you, giving no humor in his eyes, “Come back in here.”

You looked at him with fake-pleading eyes, “I left my notes back home,” you frowned.

“I don’t care. You are not getting sick.”

He wanted to sit the rain out, of course he did. But you didn’t know when the rain was going to stop, or if it ever showed any signs of stopping, in the first place. Just by your boyfriend’s tone itself, you knew you got yourself in trouble. That was not a good sign, he would always pull some crazy idea that would always try to teach you a lesson.

You didn’t move an inch from your spot.

Jungwon hurdled at you once he realizes that you were being stubborn, wrapping his arms around your waist securely regardless of the hefty downpour of rain, “Step another foot further and I’ll make sure you’ll never be touching your beloved notes again.”

“Ugh, Yang Jungwon, are you crazy?” you argued, trying to untangle yourself from him but his firm grip wouldn’t let you go.

“Jungwon, I’m serious! I really need to study, I have my exams—!”

“Aish, you’d be on your deathbed, and you wouldn’t even think of me at all, you would only care about studying!” he contested nonsensically as he dramatically complains.

You scowled at his comment, your face souring as you try wriggling yourself out of his grasp even harder, “Yah, you rascal!”

“Come back inside and I’ll let you go,” he conditions, a small grin showing that he had won. You glower at him, but having no choice but to subit and wait the next two hours by the porch of the store for the rain to subside. He covers you by towering in front of you, ensuring that you weren’t going to get hit by the rain.

Jungwon was a lot of maintenance - a lot of people would say, but he was adorable.

And most of all, he was yours.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

PRESENT [ JUNGWON'S POV ]

Jungwon spends the rest of his night at school fixing up your science project, without an ounce of sleep.

He finds Sunoo dropping by the room, slightly jumping in surprise at the sight of him there. He covers his chest with his hand, “What the hell are you doing here?” he lightheartedly scolds him.

But he pauses squinting at him, “Were you . . .” his eyes widen, “Dude, did you spend the entire night here?” he asks Jungwon, bewildered. “Doing . . .” he tilts his head, taking a peek, and his mouth hangs open as he finally pieces things together, “-Y/N’s science lab project . . .?”

Sunoo’s eyes almost budge out of his sockets. “Isn’t this what Y/N’s been worrying crazy about –? How did you –?”

He couldn’t exactly admit that he’s overheard you complaining about your project and begging others to help you with it miserably. He knew you always took your grades seriously, but, how could he explain this to Sunoo of all people?

Jungwon looks conflicted, immediately standing away from your project. He was finished wish it, anyway. He just needed to get here undetected by you. Kim Sunoo was a problem, however. There was no way Sunoo wasn’t not telling you about this.

“Don’t tell her I did this,” Jungwon tells him, reading Sunoo’s next moves.

His eyes dart from the project to Jungwon. He frowns, confused. “Why not?”

Jungwon hesitates with his words, being careful. “Just because. Don’t.” What the hell can he say? The bell rings, and he panics.

“She has a hell of an ego, you know this. Tell her you fixed this or something. I don’t know. Make some shit up.”

He scurries out the lab but hangs behind at the entrance door for a few seconds.

Jungwon emphasizes what he’s told Sunoo. “I’m counting on you, bro.”

He slips away like a ghost.

Sunoo tells you that Ningning and Jake helped with your final lab project, and you believed it – eyes sparkling with relief and complete utter gratitude. You wondered how they got to finish the project in a day. They were the chemistry experts of the class, anyway – who were you to question them?

Sunoo sees Jungwon at the side of the room looking at you and your project. He watches him watch you. How happy you were with the project, and the endless showering of compliments. Was he really just . . . not going to tell you?

Sunoo takes a look at both you and Jungwon and scratches his head in utter confusion. What was going on with the both of you?

He has no idea what that boy is hiding.

A FEW DAYS LATER IN THAT WEEK

Jungwon really was getting in your nerves.

On your way to class, you did nothing but mind your own business when he swirls out of nowhere and pushes you aside, refraining you from entering the classroom. You furrow your eyebrows in annoyance, trying to wriggle away from his grasp, but his grip stays firm. He’s holding the sides of both your arms to let you stay in place, looking anxious and rushed. “Wait.”

“Yang Jungwon, what the hell?”

He tries to find words to say, but he can’t find any. “I . . . like the color of your hair. Did you dye it?”

Your stare is blank. “What?”

“I need recommendations. I might use it too, so –“

“This is my natural hair color.” you deadpan, without an ounce of friendliness, “now if you’ll excuse me –”

“No! Gah,” he lets out a frustrated noise, rushed, “. . . the speech report! I need help in –“

He was messing with you. He had to be.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to do,” you try to breathe in calmly, but you were talking through your gritted teeth. “You submitted your speech report last week,” you hissed, your patience running thin.

You finally wriggle yourself free from his grasp, and that was when the panic was evident in Jungwon’s features.

You barely get to move an inch before, “Do you still have hang-ups on me?” He rushes out of nowhere, an attempt of desperation.

What?

To say that you were at a loss for words was an understatement.

You freeze. Staring at him, dumbfounded.

Were you simply a joke to him?

What was he saying? He was desperate, willing to just have your attention anywhere else. You could not enter the room. That was his plan.

You were trying to regain composure. Clamping your jaw down hard, your eyes narrowed. “Please, kindly fuck off.”

You stalk away, pissed off.

As soon as he ensured that you were walking the opposite direction, and Jungwon heaves a small sigh of relief. At least.

He budges the door classroom open – the room he had noticed that a couple of asshats were trying to pull on harsh pranks on – and immediately, an old tray of leftover food spills from above, falling flat on the floor instead as Jungwon dodges it from anticipating this beforehand.

And you piece thing and thing together.

This was what he was driving you away from?

Because that could’ve been you.

His eyes settle on the group of bullies seated at the end of the room. He cracks his knuckles. Jungwon’s eyes have never been so deadly.

Jungwon comes in class later with a purple bruise coloring his upper left cheek, and a busted lip.

You don’t ask him the story, but instead, you assume the worst in him. Like you always do.

He’s up to no good.

He always was.

[08:12pm] yang jungwon: are you going?

[08:21pm] you: ?

[08:21pm] yang jungwon: oh hi love

[08:22pm] yang jungwon: are you coming to gyeonju tower tomorrow? i wanted to tell you in person today but you seemed like u were in a rush to leave

[08:24pm] you: ? what do you want

[08:25pm] yang jungwon: i wanted to explain things

[08:25pm] yang jungwon: and explain myself

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[08:53pm] yang jungwon: i want to make things right

[08:54pm] yang jungwon: please let me, bo

[08:54pm] you: im busy.

[08:57pm] yang jungwon: i’ll be waiting for you tomorrow at 1pm

[09:00pm] you: i said im not going.

[09:02pm] yang jungwon: just one chance, please

[09:04pm] yang jungwon: one last one

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You didn’t care, you weren’t going.

THE FOLLOWING DAY

You’ve decided that you wouldn’t go.

You won’t go.

You won’t go, end of discussion.

You spent the last night considering it until two in the morning. You’ve finalized your decision. “This is a no-brainer. Who does he think he is? I’m not giving him the satisfaction,” you rant morely to yourself - it was almost as if you werer trying to convince yourself instead.

You tug at the ends of your hair in frustration, hissing. Both Ningning and Seoyeon watches you in silent amusement after being told of the situation. The two were the only ones who knew about you and Jungwon, and the only two who you’ve been ranting to for the past two hours.

“I’m not going,” you repeat aggravatedly, exclaiming as you fling your arms. You pace around the room.

Ningning languidly lazes around the chair as you frantically pace around the room, “So you’ve told us for the past forty six times,” she can’t help but comment, fighting away her grin. You scowl at her, grabbing the strap of your bag to sling it around your shoulder.

“You guys are annoying. I’m leaving.”

Both Seoyeon and Ningning stare after you, waving you goodbye at your stressed state.

Ningning props herself up with her elbows, leaning her cheek with the palm of her hands as soon as you’ve left the room. She stares at Seoyeon, who was mindlessly scrolling through her phone, “She’s definitely going, isn’t she?”

Seoyeon tosses the bag of chips that she’s been hogging Ningning’s way - which she accepts immediately, munching down on the ones on her palm with disinterest, “Yep.”

LATER, 1 PM

You tug awkwardly at your sleeve, eyes searching for a certain figure in mind as they bunglingly dart around the place.

So, maybe you really did end up going to the tower. Just to check things out. That was it. And maybe see if he was there. If he really showed up. Hear what he wanted to say if it was important. Nothing more. You felt bad just leaving him alone - you weren’t like him, intentionally leaving someone on for hours to wait for you.

You had a conscience. You simply showed up because you didn’t want to be burdened by it.

You don’t know how long you waited on the first half of the period under the heat of the sun from the tower, but by the time you take out your phone to check the time, it was half past one in the afternoon.

Tick-tok.

You stare at your phone’s lock screen, expecting a text from Jungwon to pop up any second to inform you that he was probably running late. Anything.

An hour passes by.

You figure you’d give him another thirty minutes. Just another thirty minutes. If he wasn’t going to show up, you didn’t care anymore. You would leave.

It was past 30 minutes.

Another hour passes by.

Until rain starts to lightly drizzle.

Until clouds start to darken.

Until your legs start to ache.

And until you were soaking and clothes drenched with water in the pouring heavy rain.

Again.

Until it dawns on you.

Jungwon isn’t here.

He wasn’t coming.

He was never going to.

And there you were, standing alone stupidly – a fool. A fool who never learned her lesson after two years.

He was enjoying this; toying with you, he’s got to be.

You don’t know why you really expected anything else from him.

A heavy exhale.

You don’t know why you hoped you did.

You get a call from Jungwon by the evening. You were dumbly weak enough to easily get manipulated to answer the phone.

He sounded frantic, “Hello? Y/N? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t able to attend our meet-up. I’m - I’m really sorry, I was really planning to go -” You wish you could believe him.

“Yeah. It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” you sound too monotone for your words to sound like you meant them.

“I’m so sorry that you waited on me, I promise I’ll make it up to -” No more promises. No more, Jungwon. I can’t take anymore.

You harshly cut him off, oppressive. “What do you mean? I didn’t come. I told you I won’t, didn’t I?”

You still had your dignity. Lies were all that you had left. You’d lie just for Jungwon to not get that sense of satisfaction from you. You wouldn’t let him.

He is silent, “Yeah, I know.”

You inhale, vexed. Your eyes flicker around the room, feeling flighty with apprehension. “What’s up, anyway? What held you from coming?” you made an effort to sound as casual as possible bringing it up, as if you didn’t care. As if you didn’t spend the whole afternoon drenched in pouring rain waiting for him.

A long silent pause again. You could tell he was hesitating to answer.

He tries to let out a lighthearted laugh as he waves it off, "It’s nothing.”

It was nothing, again. It’s always nothing. Were you ever something - anything - to him?

It takes a moment for you to register his response. How effortlessly care-free he was about it. Your tone appears tight, “Okay. Well, it’s good that you weren’t able to go. I wasn’t there anyway.” You didn’t know what else to say other than stressing that you never came. That you didn’t care.

Lie.

“Oh,” is what Jungwon replies with, he sounded distracted - like his mind wasn’t in the conversation. He wasn’t interested in talking to you anyway, why did he bother calling?

You grit at your teeth, “I’m not a fool, Jungwon.”

You don’t know if he’s even listening to you, you start to question. It takes long for him to respond, “I know.”

He was being as short with his responses as ever. Was this what he called explaining himself? You doubt if he ever cared about making it up to you in the first place. You try to hide your disappointment in your tone with impatience, “Is that all? I’m gonna go now. I’m busy.”

You don’t wait for his reply.

You immediately end the call and toss your phone as far as you could.

You hope that was worth it for Jungwon.

[ JUNGWON’S POV ] . . . what really happened

Jungwon woke up three hours earlier that day.

When Jungwon was getting himself dressed, a boy from across the city was still sleeping through his alarm that he wasn’t able to set the night before. Meanwhile, a girl was waiting somewhere in the city’s lobby, waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up.

While that happened, Jungwon was on his way to a jewelry shop to buy you a gift. He was beyond excited to see you. The boy from across the city was still sleeping, but the girl’s boyfriend eventually came to pick her up. On the other side, Jungwon had forgotten his credit card, and had no other option to pay by cash.

By this time, the sleeping boy’s mother barges into the boy’s room to wake him up as he was late for class – and asking him if he spent another late night playing with his friends. The girl in her boyfriend’s car receives a text from her ex while her boyfriend stops by to pick up the cake they ordered for their anniversary.

Jungwon was nearly at the Gyeonju tower when the boy who was running late for class stumbled out of the house, got on his bike, and peddled as fast as he could. The girl was already texting her ex-boyfriend by this time, and before she could tuck her phone away as soon as her boyfriend got into the car, the boyfriend had caught her already.

All the while the couple slowly started to argue about her talking to her ex, Jungwon was stuck in traffic and anxiously waiting – frustrated. Though he had more than an hour to spare, he wanted to see you as quickly as possible. This was the moment of his life that meant most to him. The boy who was running late took a wrong turn because he was not on the right state of mind, still half-asleep.

The couple argued all the way to the girlfriend’s parents’ house while the boy in the bike running late was trying to find his way out of the unfamiliar place, completely flustered. Jungwon had already arrived at Gyeonju tower, parking his car before trying to fix up his hair. He never really cared about how he looked like, but Jungwon’s nerves were jittering. This was the first time he was so anxious to see you.

And finally, at the same time, the boy was too distracted to see the couple’s car in front of him – as well as the couple, as they were still too busy arguing. Jungwon had just gotten out of the car, crossing the road.

It all happened too quickly.

If the son had set his alarm the day before and wasn’t running late for his class, if the girl hadn’t picked up the call from her ex-boyfriend, if couple hadn’t been arguing while the boyfriend was driving, or if Jungwon didn’t take his time in the car mirror trying to make sure he looked good for you - then maybe he would’ve gotten to meet you that night.

Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten into that car accident.

Maybe none of this would’ve be happening right now.

Life is a series of multiple interactions, they said.

The next situation Jungwon finds himself in was lying still – unable to move – in the hospital emergency room with blood – his blood? – covered all over his clothes, and when he gains the smallest bit of energy to barely open his eyes, he feels like he’s lost everything all over again.

In spite of all the events, he remembers you.

Your smile.

And his promise.

But he blacks out.

The moment Jungwon awakes into consciousness, his first thought isn’t what he was doing in an emergency room hospital, all alone. It isn’t wondering why he had blood all over his clothes, or why his body physically hurt too much for him to move.

His first thought was you.

His first thought was always going to be you. Where were you? What-? He sees the small bag settled beside him, squinting at it - before realizing it was for you. For the meeting. Today. Shit. In less than half a second, he ignores the pins and needles of his skin feeling like it was being stretched out just to reach his phone and dial your number.

“Hello? Y/N? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t able to attend our meet-up. I’m - I’m really sorry, I was really planning to go -”

Your tone interrupts him midway, seemingly clipped and tight. “Yeah. It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” were you mad? Guessing by the tone of your voice, you seemed upset. Lord, he begged for that one chance you gave him and he had to go through this out of all the occasions?

You pinches the bridge of his nose after running a hand through his hair, cursing inwardly. How many more chances could you give him? You would never believe him ever again. “I’m so sorry that you waited on me, I promise I’ll make it up to -”

Your response hits him right in the gut, harder and more painful than any of the stitches and bandages he had being freshly reopened. “What do you mean? I didn’t come. I told you I won’t, didn’t I?”

His throat constricts, eyes lowering as the grip on the phone tightens, “Yeah, I know.” He hangs his head low.

You shrug it off with disinterest, your tone indifferent. “What’s up, anyway? What held you from coming?”

He hesitates, glancing down at the patches of bandages and stitches. He doesn’t try to explain. He doesn’t want you to know. What could he say to cover things up? He tries to avoid sounding suspicious with a lighthearted laugh, “It’s nothing.”

God, it sounded fake.

Your indifference rings through his mind over and over again. Did you really not care about him anymore? Did you really mean it when you said you weren’t going to go? A sharp stab in the heart each time the thought rings through him.

A pause.

“Okay. Well, it’s good that you weren’t able to go. I wasn’t there anyway.”

“Oh,” was all Jungwon could respond with, he was beginning to feel dizzy - overwhelmed and exhausted. A sharp buzz rang deaf through his ears.

The room started to spin as you continued through the call – unaware, “I’m not a fool, Jungwon,” you remind him. Was it really the end?

Has he finally lost you?

He doesn’t know what to say, but he couldn’t deny the fact that it hurt. Everything hurts. Fuck. A long pause, “I know.”

“Is that all? I’m gonna go now. I'm busy,” you harshly end things, not bothering to expant the conversation or on the details. You don’t push him. You don’t care.

The line went dead.

A piece of him along with it died too.

Jungwon sits at one of the emergency room’s beds alone and he realizes that the hospital could heal all his physical wounds and scars, but he doesn’t think the internal pain he’s feeling could be treated.

A nurse that was passing by finds him passed out, unconscious, and unresponsive only long minutes later.

A WEEK LATER

Initially, you had planned to keep away from Jungwon at all costs the moment classes started again. He could suffer all he needed.

But.

You don’t see Jungwon.

Not that you cared if he was around - it was a relief to you that you didn’t have to deal with him, but didn’t you .. deserve an explanation?

No.

That’s right. An explanation from Jungwon for ditching you was something you would never get. That hasn’t changed, and you were a fool for believing otherwise.

You repeatedly sneak glances by his desk - anywhere, for a sign of him. It was useless to ask anyone else. His friends? When had Jungwon ever tried talking to somebody that wasn’t you?

Not that you ever took notice, either.

It’s been a week.

Seconds tick by slowly, and lectures drag in what seems like hours. It comes to the point where you almost decide on texting his number and demanding where he was. It took every part of yourself to manage to not do so.

Your notifications remained empty this time.

No messages. No calls.

He’s gone again.

THREE WEEKS LATER [JUNGWON’S POV ]

With a fractured arm and multiple wounds and stitches, Jungwon had to opt to wait three weeks before he was able to attend classes again.

He only looks forward to seeing your face.

To explain everything to you.

He messed up again.

Maybe you were looking for him? It’s been three weeks, maybe you had wondered for a fraction where he went all of a sudden? Maybe you were worried? Maybe you were concerned? Or maybe you didn’t care? Maybe you were celebrating right now?

He flinches that the thought.

He spots you by the hallways after his hour long search around the campus. You barely looked bothered at all. That was fine, Jungwon reminded himself. He walks his way towards you with the gift he had bought you weeks prior, when the accident had happened. The gift he had protected with his life to save, and had held on for weeks to give to you. If he wasn’t going to explain things, he at least wanted to give you the gift he had picked for you.

He thinks you’d look pretty in it.

However, as soon as he tries to open his mouth to speak to you once he was close enough for you to hear him, you coldly ignore him entirely. You pack up your things once you hear the bell, ringing just in time for classes to start. You barely even spare him a single glance.

You walk past him like was invincible.

Like you couldn’t care any less of what happened to him.

It turns out, you were never worried at all.

That fucking him hurt more than being hit by a car a hundred times ever did.

[01:24 pm] yang jungwon: im sorry

[01:29 pm] yang jungwon: can we talk?

[read]

You blocked yang jungwon’s number that day.

[JUNGWON . . . ]

Seoyeon made you laugh.

It was unintentional, he guessed. But she made you laugh. In a way. Other’s might’ve called it a snort. It was a goofy side-comment he made when you expanded the instructions on the chapter needed to be finished. He felt himself destructing and freezing while his heart soared and ripped itself apart. He swore he was flying while being drowned six feet under at the same time.

As someone who spent his entire life on music, Yang Jungwon has heard many sounds. Various melodies and tunes, but none of them were like yours. He’s been walking around tone-deaf for the past few years because it was like he forgot the way your laugh sounded and the way it made him feel like he could do anything.

It was like you immediately regretted it - laughing with him in the room, and maybe his emotions were written all over his face because Jungwon was losing you all over again when you disclose your emotions off once again from him. Then he’s all but greeted with a cold face - an effect of the mess he caused.

He remembers the time where you were his to call, and now, you couldn’t even stand to look at him - or be in the same room as him. He remembers the time where you would look at him and the way your eyes would light up, and now, he looks at your eyes for a fraction of a second and they’re dead. Once vibrant and easy to read - now empty and desolate. Nobody is home. They’re emotionless for him.

Your eyes only tell lies now.

You’ll never be like the way you used to be again.

To think that he ruined it. That he ruined a smile that ran so deep and had so much meaning. A smile that was always for him. A soul that had so much love and kindness for him. He shattered that. That was because of him.

He remembers the time where receiving ‘I love you’s from you were everyday like routines to you, and he compares it with the flash irritation that would cross your face and the petty tone of anger he would get from you every time he tried talking to you.

You’ve changed.

He doesn’t know what those two years have done to you.

What he’s done to you.

Maybe he really messed it up. Maybe he should run and leave and never see you again so he would stop hurting you and fucking you up over and over again. Maybe he should let you move on and let you be happy with someone else. Maybe he should just stop hoping because the gods above know that they don’t trust him with you alone.

It was killing him.

Jungwon couldn’t do any of that.

Getting to see you every day - it was already much of a blessing compared to the two years in the shithole he went through without you, waking up to feel nothing but empty - if it’s not endlessly torturing and tormenting himself for putting you through what he had to.

But couldn’t Jungwon be a little selfish? Just this once? Couldn’t he ask for a little bit more?

If Jungwon could admit, he never wanted much, nor has he asked for much either. To say the truth, he doesn’t care about ninety percent of his life: fuck his gods be damned ‘career’, fuck air and water and happiness and money.

Yang Jungwon was someone that had no interest in the world. He never really got to care about anything. But you. He met you. You were his first. You were all he cared about. You were all that really mattered.

And that was his world.

You were his world.

It’s been two years since he lost you - since he let you go for good, and that was worse than dying. Each moment was as if it was meant to come back at him and break his soul - or whatever’s left of it. All Yang Jungwon gives a damn about is you.

He was damn well still in love with you, and he was never getting you back.

He’s lost you.

And the separating distance between the both of you proves it better than anything.

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ hold me while you wait by lewis capaldi ]

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

THE TWISTING POINT

Jungwon wasn’t in a good mood today.

It was most likely because of work, so you didn’t want to question or pressure him into dwelling into it any further. You stayed smiling, knowing that whenever you were down, Jungwon knew exactly what to do. He needed sunshine.

You hear glass shatter, and loud clanging accompanied with it. You sprang upwards, racing to Jungwon’s aid to check yourself if he was hurt.

As you stared at the mess created, and the person who seemingly intentionally created the mess, you only stood by the doorway.

You knew him, he wasn’t the type to let his anger consume and get the best of him, nor was he the type to physically express his anger. Especially around you. Jungwon loved the idea of you seeing him as a laid-back unique oddball, and you’ve rarely ever seen him irritated or angry. You’ve never seen him like this, however.

You remained silent; your gaze downcast. Whatever happened in the studio today must have been seriously rough enough to affect him into a state like this.

The room is too silent. “Won?” He loves being called that name; he’s told you. It gets him erupting with happiness in no time, but why isn’t it working now?

Why does Jungwon’s eyes look so empty?

“Can you leave?” he asks you when you try to help clean up the broken shards of glass, finally uttering a word after the first time you’ve seen him today.

“I don’t need you here right now.”

Jungwon sees the way you freeze. The way confusion flashes over your face. The way your hopeful and gentle eyes crack by a fraction.

Jungwon sees it all.

You purse your lip in hesitation, worried, but you follow his request with a nod nonetheless as you quietly slip out of the room. I’m always here for you if you need me.

Jungwon feels nothing but emptiness.

“Jungwon, you’ve missed two meals.”

He’s stuck in his music room. Again. Your lips pull into a forming frown at his state, placing the plate of food that you’ve organized for him at a table nearest to you.

He only gives you a glance before his attention is back at his music, “I’m kind of busy here,” he blandly reminds you the obvious, and you feel yourself mentally deflate, a bit.

A pause. You sucked in a breath. “I know, but you shouldn’t skip meals, okay? Take some rests,” you keep your voice gentle, hopeful.

He barely gives a grunt in reply.

Why didn’t you see that he didn’t want you anymore then?

You swallow, trying in another attempt, “Um, do you need any help in -” Jungwon swivels his chair abruptly, turning completely at you. It’s the first time you see him look at you in a while, “No,” the look in his eyes is something you’d never forget, “I’m fine, Y/N.” And when he turns his back on you, you feel a jab in the gut.

Ah.

You get the message.

You weren’t wanted around.

“Okay, I’ll uhh … I’ll …” you don’t finish your sentence, merely signaling that you were going to leave, but well aware that Jungwon was already back facing his screen. You don’t think he notices. You don’t think he ever notices anything at all.

No response. Not even a glance your way.

You felt so lonely.

Jungwon was going out again, as he’s all done for the past week.

Maybe you were overthinking all of this, but you felt as if he was doing whatever it took to avoid you. To avoid looking at you. To avoid talking to you. To avoid spending time with you. Of course, it was all in your head.

He would never hurt you like that, Jungwon was just busy. He was just going through things. He had it rough, you should be considerate.

It was just you alone most of the time, and you started to wonder if he was doing fine. If he needed you, at all.

“Jungwon?”

He turns to you, his body almost out of the door. “Are you okay?” you gently ask him.

He blinks. “I’m fine,” he replies after a pause.

You wanted to help him, whatever he was going through. You wanted to go through it with him together — you wanted to be there for him. “You don’t seem fine,” you try to start, “Jungwon, I’m here for you, you can talk to me if you—”

An exasperated sound of displeasure cuts you off, like a tether piecing everything together that snaps. “Can’t you do anything else other than bother me?” he waves you off, slamming the door in visible distress. He leaves you like that, and he doesn’t have to say anything else to make the wound hurt all the more.

The words left unsaid were enough.

He doesn’t come back the next day.

You wished he’d have told you how he loved you before he left, even if he didn’t mean it.

The air was cold. You know that it was not because of the weather.

Your mind wanders.

Sometimes you consider the fact that there could be someone else.

You wonder where everything started to change, and somedays, the thoughts get heavy and immensely difficult for you to carry. Sometimes they hurt too much to think about. You can’t help but wonder where your love lacked for him, in where you gave him everything. Even if it costed more than you could afford, it was worth it. But was it not for him? Was it not anymore?

It’s hard to fight what was fated.

But you would’ve still ruined yourself to fix him.

Even if there was another person, you think, you just wished he told you - so you would stop foolishly hoping and trying to convince yourself that this was all a sick phase of his that would eventually pass. So, you would stop foolishly assuming that there was ‘together’ and ‘forever’ for the both of you. You wouldn’t insist on it anymore, if that’s what made him happy. Watching him torture himself like that and choosing not to say anything to you was more painful than anything else.

You knew you were not the one in his heart.

This was all going to pass, right?

Jungwon, talk to me.

Jungwon can make it better.

He always has. You could never remember a time where he didn’t come to swoop in and save your day.

Was this the timing in where you realize that things were permanently going to change?

A simple month changes you a lot.

You believed, but you were slowly losing the light.

You gave so many signs.

So many warning signs.

He walked past every single one of them.

You couldn’t be the only one fighting for something that was already gone. Something that was thrown away and given up on. Because you have been, for as long as you can, and you don’t know if you can still continue to allow yourself to put yourself through it - because you don’t know if you can take it. Even if it was just one last time.

But still, you were willing to offer him anything he wanted the moment he needed it. You were ready to run to his side even if it killed you. Waste my time, waste it all.

The painful fake smiles, and pretending if everything was perfectly fine, as if you were okay, and the desperate pair of eyes that he always seemed to ignore.

You don’t know when it would stop.

You could only wish he would stay a bit longer to savor before he was going to make it hurt for you.

You felt the fatigue, then.

It’ll get better soon.

THE BREAKING POINT

It was all about him.

You don’t know if you could take this any longer.

“Jungwon?” you called out to him - through the empty house, “I’m tired.” Faintly.

You were washing the dishes after immediately arriving home from your part-time job. No time for giving yourself a rest, or for catching up on the upcoming exam the next day. It was eleven o’clock at night. You heard the door slam, and you knew Jungwon was home.

He could mope around and throw things around. He was entitled to treat you harshly because he was going through a rough time. He could do absolutely nothing. That was how everything worked.

But you couldn’t. You couldn’t cry. You couldn’t pause and rest. You weren’t entitled to feel angry or irritated because you weren’t going through whatever he was going through. You had to take care of him, and you had to endure getting treated that way our you could leave and walk through the door.

The shuffling of footsteps stops. You don’t move. You leave the faucet water running, eyes staring distantly - somewhere. But you don’t look over at him. You know that the courage that you’ve spent months trying to build up would come crashing down the moment you do.

There is no noise, only the running of the water. You know he’s listening.

“I can’t do it anymore,” you bat an eye, and your shoulders ease up a little. There is a certain stillness in the air.

“I feel like I’m just wasting my life in this relationship,” you’ve thought about this. You’ve tried to shrug the feeling off, but you wanted to know if you wanted to fight for him too. “I’m always looking stupid. I’m always left behind,” Isn’t it exhausting for you too, Jungwon?

Nothing. Silence. No response.

He wasn’t pushing you.

He wasn’t begging you to stay, like he always did.

He wasn’t going to even just try to change your mind.

He’s letting you go.

That infuriates you further, and you hate that he’s making you feel like you’re being too unreasonable without having to say anything. You hate the words he’s saying to you without even him having to open his mouth. Silence is all you’ve been receiving, hasn’t it? It’s always turning his back. It’s always the cold shoulder, whatever he had to say - he wouldn’t say it. It’s always been that way. Itwas always you that had to adjust.

You hated this.

You hated this so much.

It was him leaving you alone to your degrading thoughts that would break you more than he ever can, “It’s all about you. It’s all just about your sufferings, isn’t it? It’s all just yours!”

Why wasn’t he stopping you?

Why wasn’t he trying to fix this?

You wanted him to explain himself and assure you that everything was going to be okay. You wanted to work this out. Good God, you did. More than anything. But what happened to the day when you missed the most important exams for him just because he was too in his head to take care of himself? Where was he? What was he doing? Where was he when you were called to the school’s office because you were nearly falling off school? Where was he when you cried countlessly from overwhelming stress because of that?

Where was he when you were pacing back and forth at four in the morning without a wink of sleep, waiting for him to come back home and wondering to the heavens what the hell had happened to him? Where was he when you felt so isolated and alone? Where was he when your parents turned your back on you for you giving up everything for a boy who already seemed to have given up on you? Where was he to fight for you? Where was he to look you in the eye and give you a reason to keep fighting - to stay?

Jungwon was going through shit. That was something you understood. Something you wished he never went through, something you know he doesn’t deserve. And you were there for him. Every step of the way. But that didn’t mean that you had it all easy, either - did it? Didn’t he know? Or did he just not care?

You wanted to work this out. But … did he?

Soft, too soft. You could barely hear. “So desperate,” it was murmured. A pause, a shift in movement, and he was gone.

He was gone. He walked away. Like it meant nothing to him.

It stays, lingering. But he leaves.

You can’t believe him.

So monotone.

So emotionless.

Like it doesn’t mean anything.

He breaks you.

You crack open.

He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t fight for you. He doesn’t feel anything for you. He doesn’t find a reason to stay.

He finds a reason to leave.

That was it. And you weren’t even sure if he said it. Maybe it was a flicker of your imagination. Maybe you were going insane, was what it was. Did he leave?

He couldn’t have.

It was the end.

End.

The end of the both of you.

After that end, there was … nothing.

It was the end?

Your weight leans against the counter table in support, breathing heavily. Your heartbeat racing, your mind processing. A minute passes by, and you still stand frozen.

No. The stillness was too much to handle, you needed Jungwon, even if the only words he was ever going to say to you would hurt. You stumbled, rushing after the door as you tried calling after him. You didn’t want him to go. You couldn’t let him, you won’t give up on him. You needed him there. You were tired, and you needed Jungwon.

“Jungwon.” Where was he off to the moment you finally told him how you were feeling? Was it a mistake? Should you have stayed quiet instead?

“I didn’t mean what I said, come back and we’ll talk this out,” you called after him. You would take it all back.

He was gone.

You turned, and you turned, and you hoped. Nothing. Pitch black. Darkness.

“Jungwon?” you were crying now, crumbling a little. “Jungwon, I’m sorry, please come back, please.” you begged. And you kept calling him, until even the gods above could hear you. But where was he? No, he was going to come back for you. He was.

He was going to explain that he was sorry and that he never meant to hurt you. He was going to pop up right next to you like he always used it. He was going to smile at you with a cheeky grin and make fun of how you fell for his sick joke. He was going to give you a reason to stay and you were going to be okay.

“I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry,” you shouted after him, numbly trying to follow his footsteps that weren’t there. Footsteps that were erased. The footsteps of someone who promised he’d never leave your side. It was pathetic. Your desperation was pathetic.

Where did he go? Which way did he go? Please show up. Please. Please.

You shivered at the cold. Why was it raining so hard? You could barely see a thing. It was too dark. Not a single light in sight. You didn’t even realize it was raining. But it didn’t matter. You wouldn’t go home until Jungwon was back. And safe. Everything will be okay.

Moments pass and you don’t know if it took hours. Jungwon wasn’t there and you were losing him the way you were losing yourself. “Please,” your voice came out a whisper as your legs gave up on you, falling into your knees, “come back to me,” your body shakes, and that was the end.

All you were left with was the memories.

The both of you were nothing but memories now.

Ended because of happenstance.

He was still gone the next day.

And the next.

And the next after the next.

And the week after.

And the month after.

And after that.

You waited.

He promised.

You believed.

Ah.

You felt it, then.

The light you held onto exhaled and took its last breath.

Expired.

When things are expired - when things pass its due date, no matter how much big of a waste it is, or how much you were looking forward for it; you can only throw it away.

Because your relationship wasn’t the only thing gone and lost to disappear that day. It wasn’t only him - or it wasn’t the one thing you cared most about. It was you. You came along with it. You; a simple crumpled worn-out paper thrown away. A rough draft. Scrapped and forgotten.

He wasn’t coming back.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ skin by sabrina carpenter ]

PRESENT TIME, THE FOLLOWING DAY

The group was chatting with each other as usual. You were with Ningning and Seoyeon, catching up with the latest most random topics while you were making it a point to ignore Jungwon’s longing stare. Until Jake Sim takes a glance his way and points out of nowhere, “What happened to your arm?”

He immediately replies, “Nothing.”

When you sneak a glance over at Jungwon’s arm, he catches you and straight away tucks his arm away from your side’s view as casually as possible. Why did he have bandages? Your brows furrowed at him, skeptically surveying him.

What was he hiding this time?

It was in the middle of individual study period when Ningning queries out of nowhere, “Y/N, Is Jungwon trying to win you back?”

A few glances your way at the sudden uplifting noise through the quiet room.

You almost choke. You wish you did. “What?” Loudly whispering, you snap your head over her direction, eyes blazing down at her incredulously.

“He isn’t?” Seoyeon pipes in, questioning incredulously, all the more surprised than you. The both of them were never going to let her newfound discovery of exes that were quote “fated back together” end quote. You stare blankly at the both of them, unamused.

She shrugs innocently. “He looks like it,” she answers her own query and peeks over his way. Explaining, she heaves a casual exhale, “He keeps looking over at you every five seconds with those starry hopeful eyes as if you’d change your mind.”

Your face hardens at the mention of it. You hadn’t told what happened between you and Jungwon to anyone. Once both Seoyeon and Ningning had asked for the details of what happened, you simply brushed it off, not wanting to talk about it. They had assumed something went wrong.

Whatever Seoyeon had in mind to be out of a romantic film - this wasn’t the case. You had no idea what he was up to, but it was most probably something that would put up some entertainment to aid his boredom before he fleets away again.

She playfully nudged you with the edge of her elbow, “So, what made you dump him?”

She laughed. Loud. She was talking quite too casually that you speculated Jungwon could hear the conversation. His head was bowed, supposedly reading. You couldn’t read his facial features. You don’t want to.

“Poor dude, he looks like he’s had it rough.” Of course, everyone would assume it was Jungwon who was dumped. That it was him who was hurting. That it was him who got the mistreatment. You were the bad guy. In the end it’s your fault.

A chill runs down your spine. You dumped him? You almost laugh aloud in sarcasm, but it comes out as a snort. Waving her off teasingly, you motion the both of them to shoo away, “Shove off.”

Seoyeon gives a toothy beam before scribbling something down her notebook, Ningning peeks over to read it and giggles. You barely catch a glimpse of it.

‘Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.’

LATER, AT THE LIBRARY

Another day. That meant another meeting with both Jungwon and Seoyeon in the library. After long hours, the group meeting was finished. All there was left to do was to submit the chapter’s draft for corrections to the professor; it had been decided already that Seoyeon and Jungwon were to do it.

You were leisurely taking your time packing up your stuff when Seoyeon hurriedly scurries out on her way to exit the library. “Hey, Jungwon, I’m really busy today, so I can’t accompany you to pass the papers. I just realized I have soccer practice,” she forms her lips into a pout, faking a thought. It occurs to you then that Seoyeon doesn’t have varsity.

Your eyes narrow at where this was going. “What about ask Y/N to do it? She has nothing to do anyway!” she winks, lightheartedly hitting Jungwon’s arm. He was taken aback, looking confused and somewhat lost himself, but having no choice left other than nodding, he agrees. “Uh . . . sure.”

Seoyeon turns your way and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at you as soon as Jungwon had himself distracted with the papers in the meantime, giving you a thumbs up as if to say ‘you can do this!’ before slipping out of the room - faster before you could protest.

You scowled darkly, clenching down your jaw. If looks could kill. That girl.

On the other hand, Jungwon continues to arrange the pile of papers with a shuffle before quietly handing them to you, he then started on packing up his things. It was suffocating. Would leaving the room make it seem like you lost this nonexistent battle between the both of you?

He cuts you out of your trance of thoughts, “You were there that day at the tower, weren’t you?” he asks you out of the blue. He doesn’t even look your way as he stuffs a few books in his bag, and he doesn’t have to give context for you to know what he was referring to. not a look of uncertainty was evident in his eyes, “I know you were.”

Anger starts to boil inside. You have to remind yourself that this is what he wanted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you casually dismissed.

He inwardly huffs out a breath. “Was it tough for you?” he changes the topic, and you swear it was only a matter of time before he gives you the biggest whiplash.

You were raging with endless anger and fury, yet you keep your face was void of any emotions – standing in front of him as his form blocked your path, stressing you even further. You gripped the strap of your backpack tightly, “Move out of my way, Jungwon.”

“Answer me, first.” he pleads with you. “Was it tough for you, then?”

He doesn’t budge and stubbornly remains rooted to his spot.

You grit your teeth, ripping apart your poorly concealed anger bit by bit. Jungwon didn’t care. He wanted you to feel emotion. Any emotion. Even if it was blinding rage. To scream at him and punch the living lights out of him. It was better than receiving your blank emotionless stare all the time. He couldn’t take it.

He was definitely testing your patience carelessly. Was it tough for you? You laughed humorlessly. A stab to his gut. A knife filled with poison. “I don’t know what you want, but let’s be mature people here. You do whatever hell you’ve been doing the last two years, and I’ll continue do the same. Okay?” you spoke, your tone hostile. You take the folder placed beside him before leaving him there, disinterested.

It wasn’t as simple for you as it has been for him to simply walk the relationship off down the drain.

Not when he promised the world.

Not when you believed him.

Not when he was standing there right in front of you acting as if he didn’t know anything about the shit you had to go through without him. As if he was just innocent. As if he had nothing to do with it. As if he cared. And especially not when he was the one who put you there and left in the first place.

This is what had become of the both of you. Jungwon and you. Worse than strangers, haunted by what’s left of something that was long gone.

All he had to do then was apologize. Actually, he just had to come back, and you would do the apologizing for him. You were always the one who gave in, in the end, anyway.

You would’ve accepted him.

You would’ve even begged for him.

The things you would have done.

None of this would’ve happened.

But.

None of that would work now.

None of that mattered.

It was all too late.

The both of you were just so different now.

LATER

Riki was confusing, truly.

“Didn’t you make fun of me two years ago about how much of a dumbass I was?” you rolled your eyes incredulously at Riki picking at you to how rude you were being to Jungwon, “You hated him, what’s with the change of attitude?” you snort.

Riki shifts his weight, fixing the strap of his bag, “You were a dumbass,” he agrees, pulling a face at you, “and I still hate that guy,” he continues, his expression turning sour at the thought of him, but pauses.

“But you were happy,” he looks over at you deliberately.

A happy dumbass. You could cringe, that was the old you. The desperate old you. Long gone.

You were most definitely not having it, your facial expression hard. “Did you have a head trauma or something? A fever? Are you forgetting the past two years?” you press the back of your hand to his forehead, checking his temperature and warmth for dramatic effect.

He pushes your hand away, “I’m just saying,” he starts, talking to you as if you were a child, “he left, but he’s back, isn’t he?” he throws his hands around for emphasis.

Then he shrugs, like he doesn’t know any better either, “He’s gotta be back for a reason.”

You don’t care. You don’t care what reason he’s back, or whatever he wants from you. “He can’t just come and go as he pleases, idiot,” you forcefully shrug it off, grumbling. “that jerk made his decision that day. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it.”

And Riki gives up on how stubborn you are, “You really do hold grudges, don’t you?” he ruffles your hair up, amused.

Strangling a sound, you kick the back of his leg, but he dodges.

Oops, your eyes slightly widen, anticipating a fall. You lose your balance, nearly tripping - but luckily, Riki notices within a half of a second and catches you before your face plants flat on the ground, hoisting you back to his chest by the grip on your waist.

You were going to laugh at your mistake, your face already breaking into a smile - but your eyes catch someone a few feet away.

You blink. Your smile slowly starts to drop at the sight of him.

Of course, it had to be Yang Jungwon.

For a split second, your shock doesn’t allow your eyes to leave his.

Riki snaps you out of it, releasing you from his grasp and guides you to his side as he slings his arm around your shoulder - like he always does. You’re sure Riki knew well enough and had an idea of how Jungwon looked like. He recognized him straight from the café, and you never questioned how he knew. How were you going to walk out of this one?

Riki doesn’t look at you in confirmation - you have no idea what shit he’s going to pull, but you’re sure as hell it isn’t going to be good.

He nods once in acknowledgement over at Jungwon, but Jungwon pays no mind and choses to ignore him as his eyes flicker onto the arm around you.

Riki notices it.

You don’t know what to do.

“Hey, I’m Riki,” he starts - and for some crazy reason, he sounds as if he was gloating, “who are you?” he throws back casually. Too casually. You would be irritated to talk to him, if you were in his place. The dislike in Jungwon’s features is evident enough. You don’t know what Riki was playing, but he extends his hand out for Jungwon to bro-shake, whatever that could even signify.

A long pause. Jungwon barely glances at it before his attention is back on you, ignoring him beside you as a whole.

“Why are you with him?” he tries to casually question you - as if he was trying to create small talk - his voice is calm - but Jungwon’s eyes never lie. He could never hide anything from it. You knew that look, and you didn’t like it. It made your blood boil. The guts of this self-centered arrogant asshole.

Riki answers in your stead, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to answer. He laughs, throwing his head back a bit, “Oh, don’t mind us,” he curtly replies, “my girl over here ‘s just really clumsy.”

You forgot how much of on asshole Nishimura Riki really is.

Riki effortlessly sighs, openheartedly shrugging as if to say ‘what-can-you-do?’. It was friendly, but you understood the underlying meaning. He was testing him. Picking at him. Provoking him. You wanted to facepalm. Provoking was the only thing he was ever good at, why did you even bother? What was this, some fighting-for-the-alpha-spot werewolf shit?

Nishimura Riki, you asshole!

Jungwon understands the message. A muscle up on his clenched cheek twitches, his eyes slightly narrow. Was he threatened already? You were in a state of disbelief, Riki was barely even doing anything. Seriously. He never changes.

“Why are you with him?” he asks you again, this time his voice comes out somewhat strained in the end. The old Jungwon would’ve probably started a fight right then and there, lacking any sort of composure. Jungwon changed, hasn’t he?

But you have, too.

Riki peeks at you, “Babe? Do you know him?” Confused. Curious. Innocent.

You had to give it to him. Riki was an amazing actor, he could’ve fooled you if you didn’t know any better yourself.

You merely glance at Jungwon, barely a pause before you answer, “No.”

No hesitation in your tone. A ‘no’ as if he was simply a stranger standing before you. Nothing. You observe how your answer hits Jungwon. How the simple word destructs him. You could only watch. Everything was different now. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?

But where was the sense of satisfaction?

You tug at Riki’s arm, “Let’s go, you promised me to bring me home today.”

You leave Jungwon like that. You leave him with the uncomfortable feeling that was bubbling up. Riki is surprised. And confused. You don’t know if he’s still continuing the act when he affectionately waves Jungwon goodbye before immediately following after you.

Yang Jungwon strikes again.

You whacked Riki at the back of his head the moment you were as far from the gods-be-damned-scene and as far from Jungwon as possible, “Idiot!” you hissed, “What the hell was that?”

He rubs the back of his neck soothingly, glaring at you. “You know, just a little ‘thank you’ would suffice.”

“’Thank you’, my ass! I told you to not pull any stupid shit!” You threaten to hit him again, vexed at the stunt he pulled. The situation was only going to get worse from there and you couldn’t take back anything at this point. You retreated your arm, groaning in horror of what’s to come.

“The moment called for it!” was his only excuse.

You scowled at him, as if your eyes could annihilate him at the spot.

You got Jungwon, you had to admit. A few more of these blows and he would leave your sights. This was a bad idea, but your mind didn’t seem to pay any care.

Hurt him.

Right then and there, your ego allows Riki to participate in whatever crazy-sick game this was. You just needed Jungwon far away.

Riki smirks at you and flashes you a winning smile. He knows you’ve agreed to his idea without having to say anything else. You had no other option, either way.

“You won’t regret this, ___. It’ll be fun!” he singsongs, draping his arm around you.

It’ll be fun, you echoed.

You’ve been lying to yourself for two years, what’s a couple days more to you?

THE NEXT DAY

Jungwon finds you asleep, leaning your head on the desk with your cheek pressed up against the table.

And Nishimura Riki was by your side, reading gleefully. Mostly watching you sleep. A fucking weirdo, Jungwon inwardly comments. His stomach turns at the sight. His mood has already dried.

He stands there for what seems like a torture of infinity before Riki sees him there. He just grins at him. Jungwon would want to do nothing more but throttle him and that shit-eating look off his face.

“Here for the thesis paper?” was all he asks, he starts collecting himself and his things, preparing to leave, thankfully, Jungwon praises.

But when Riki decides to act like the biggest fucker to piss him off all the more when he leans in to gently tuck back the hair covering your face as as you sleep, Jungwon defensively takes a step forward to you by instinct, ready with a handful of swear words.

Riki notices it, and only press his index finger on his lips, indicating to keep his voice down. Jungwon’s jaw slightly ticks as he stays in place - not risking your sleep.

He pats Jungwon’s shoulder on his way out, but he stops by the door. He motions him closer, as if he were to tell him something hugely important. Jungwon presses his lips into a thin line, walking up to him and trying to keep it as civil as possible.

He holds up a finger, as if to gesture ‘and-one-more-thing’, “Oh, and tell her to keep the hoodie she’s wearing, will you?”

Jungwon raises both brows in question, and instantly regrets it.

Riki further explains himself, "She likes stealing them from me. God knows she has a whole rack of them on her closet.” He shrugs, a growing smirk on his face. “But eh, I like it on her, it suits her better.”

That little shit.

He was about to give him a phony nod and thumbs up to let the whole agitating conversation over with when Riki presses his luck even further, “She’s pretty.”

God. Jungwon’s patience was running thin, his jaw flexes.

“Oh, and tell her -”

Jungwon nearly slams the door on his face.

He wondered what you saw in that guy.

Walking back with his hands stuffed in his pockets - something he does when he was definitely pissed off, he yanks a chair, face displaying irritation at its finest when he arrives back at your table. He doesn’t bother to spare you a glance your way, he knows you too well.

“I know you’re awake,” he says out of nowhere, his voice tight. “Stop pretending.”

It takes several moments before you start faking a yawn. You could easily fool anyone, but sadly for you, he knows you too well. His glance is blank as you outstretch your arms as if you had just woke up, you greet him as if you hadn’t expected to see him there, “Oh . . hey.”

Jungwon had already looked sour from his encounter with Riki, his pissed off gaze averts away from yours. A muscle from his jaw ticks as he huffs, “Your boyfriend left.”

You nod, blinking as if you were slowly trying to register everything. Jungwon wanted to ask you a flood of questions: what was he doing here? Were you already awake when he was being a creep and staring at you while you were ‘asleep’? Why are you wearing his hoodie -? “Okay.”

That aggravates him even more, and his tone turns curt and strained. “I’m going to work on the thesis. You do whatever.” he dismisses you, heaving a short breath.

He stalks off, but not before grimacing at your outfit up and down - more than fumingly horrified, spitting out through gritted teeth, “And take off that hoodie. It looks horrible on you.”

THE WEEK AFTER

You wake up in Monday morning with aching pins and needles, not being able to move an inch of your body. Your eyelids were too heavy to keep open, weighing tons of your effort.

Of all days, you were sick.

Lord.

Releasing a cough, your hand reaches for your ringing phone. Riki, the contact label name displayed. You try to clear your throat as you answer the call, in effort to not sound as sick as possible. “Hello?” your groggy and hoarse voice could be depicted from miles away by a total stranger. Much less Nishimura Riki.

“Princess?” His voice answers through the call, perceptibly worried, “what’s wrong? You sound . . . off today.” You could tell he was squinting as he said this.

“Uh. . .” you sniffed, trying to come up of a lie, “just watched a sad film. Cried a lot.”

Riki hums, giving no humor in his voice. “Mhm. And that’s why you’re late four hours to class?”

Your stomach lurches. You were what? You had classes today, and you didn’t even remember. Were you missing on anything important in university today? Shit.

Racing for the most reasonable excuse, “I wanted to . . . enjoy a day off?” Bad liar. You were nothing but a bad liar. You were too exhausted to create a better and more creative lie.

Riki, being way too observant on things he shouldn’t be, clearly wasn’t buying it. He clicks his tongue. “I’m coming over. Don’t go anywhere. Stay in bed,” he orders you shortly before ending the call. He doesn’t scold you or lecture you, and he leaves it at that.

You moan at the surge of pain once again located in your stomach, you had no plans of leaving the bed even if you wanted to anyway, given your current state.

Riki texts you that he was outside around less than ten minutes later.

If you could complain, you’d rather have Riki come in your room to help you up. Like he always did. You found him not doing so rather odd, as he would always make the weirdest reasons to come drop by your house. Moving the slightest inch was hard as it already was.

It takes you what seems like hours for you to get out of bed, and even more for you to bag your bag and head outside. You were ready to grumble about how efficient and less painful this would’ve been if Riki had come to help you until more than one figure greets you outside your yard.

Riki and . . . hands stuffed to his pockets, head bowed - you know that side profile -Yang Jungwon?

Both stayed at opposite ends, standing in front of their cars, awaiting for you with the hardest glares sent the other’s way. What was happening? Jungwon was most likely the reason Riki wasn’t able to go inside your house to pick you up. That was the only factor that made sense - the rest was something you couldn’t connect the dots of.

Both their cars parked out of your house, and you could feel the tension slicing you in half the moment you step foot outside. These two could never stay in the same room, sticking around to wait for you was strictly meant for you.

Jungwon is the first to break the glaring match as soon as he sees you, being the first to approach you while gently holding you up.

“Love, are you okay? Let me bring you to the hospital - come on,” he pleads with you, gesturing towards his car.

“This isn’t the time to joke about something like this in her state,” Riki forces a fake smile through his gritted teeth, irritated as he sneaks his arm around your waist, holding you up himself all the better with a single hand, “just so you know.”

Jungwon’s gaze darkens, “It isn’t about fighting for who gets her, just so you know,” he mimics, “I don’t trust her with you, you dipshit.”

Riki scoffs to himself, shifting his weight as he continues to press you tightly against him, not budging an inch of you to Jungwon, “And look who came to talk.”

Jungwon opens his mouth, his eyes ruthlessly set on Riki’s before you try and weakly cut in from your lack of energy. However, your weak knees give up on you and you almost stumble down, not before both Jungwon and Riki reaches out their hand to grab your arm within half a second. Riki half-yells your name, all the more uneasy and concerned than you were.

“Y/N? Love? Are you okay?” Jungwon’s hostile tone towards Riki not seconds ago immediately dissipates, conveying his tone of worry and panic at your weak state.

“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” Jungwon additionally suggests, trying to have you lean his weight on him for you to stand property, and in that way he could easily carry you back to his car.

“Hell no,” Riki growls, in the other hand.

You notice Jungwon’s eyes darken at the corner of your eye, “And who exactly are you to her to begin with-?”

“Her boyfriend, nice to meet you, you dipshit,” Riki retorts.

Jungwon lets out a low noise, pissed off at a topic that was seemingly sensitive to him. “Over my dead body would you ever be her boyfriend.”

He rolls his eyes in disinterest. “Still going through the stages of grief? Is this the denial stage?” he taunts, clicking his tongue with a tsk.

“Bo,” Jungwon calls you - candidly ignoring Riki’s shitty statements, but his sharp eyes never leave Riki’s, “let’s get this over with and tell us who would you want to -”

This was getting too prolonged, you were so close to vomiting again. You definitely did not want to vomit here of all places. “Riki,” you called out faintly, interrupting Jungwon, “please take me to the hospital.”

All parts of your body ached painfully, and you were too miserably ill to deal with this situation. You imagine Jungwon’s expression crumbling, deflating.

Riki straightens, visibly surprised, but he doesn’t hesitate. Not before giving Jungwon a final look, he carries you with you gently, making sure you were watching your step as the both of you left the defeated Jungwon without another word.

You were too weak to look back at Jungwon – he helplessly stares after the sight of his girl - his girl - being taken away from him when she needed help the most.

Again.

You spend three days in the hospital for a diagnosed viral infection.

Thankfully but not surprisingly, Riki stayed by your side through every minute, only leaving for a shower, buying take-out, and for getting you new packs of clothes. It was Ningning and Seoyeon who came over to take care of you during Riki’s leave.

He sticked around from the moment you were submitted, to the insertion of the IV, through your countless trips to the bathroom to puke and for him to hold your hair back, and through your dischargement.

The both of you were on your way to the car to load your things. Riki had all of his hands filled. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot, thanks for the wanton noodles,” you mention immediately as soon as you remembered, “How d’you know they were my favorite?” You don’t recall ever brining it up to Riki.

Instead of bursting up his signature winning smirk, Riki furrows his brows at you, “Wanton noodles? What wanton noodles?”

You perked up a brow, “The one you left by the door earlier when you were paying the discharge bills?”

Riki had nothing. He blinks at you as if you had been hallucinating. “Why would I leave food by the door?” he shakes his head, “Doll, what in the hell are you talking about?”

“The wanton noodles that you –“ You stop mid-sentence, freezing. Realization dawns on you then. The note, you recall as you piece things back together.

Stop skipping meals. I got you your favorite. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.

Yang Jungwon.

There was no name from who it was from, you had simply assumed it was from Riki. This wasn’t your first time realizing that Jungwon had never dropped by, you had simply figured he didn’t care. Your stomach sinks, ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me’. The double implications.

Riki waves his hand in front of your face, “Earth to princess? Hello?”

Ah. Right. You blink, shaking your head – you meet his eyes with a smile, “Nothing. I just thought I remembered something.”

WEEKS LATER

Jungwon was a lot quieter than usual ever since you’d been discharged.

Since . . . the night he and Riki were there. You slightly wince at the memory.

You almost managed to successfully spend a thesis discussion with him without having to say much - to your great pleasure - until he just had to ruin it for you. He was filling in his part for the thesis paper while you were scanning through the pages of the book you were reading, skipping to the ending.

“Hey,” he starts, humor laced in his voice. “D’you still read the endings of books like you used to? I remember –“

Your head snaps up. You don’t smile. You don’t flush red in embarrassment. You don’t laugh like the way he’d expected you to. The way you always did. You stared harshly down to his eyes. It wasn’t the heart-fluttering kind - nor was it the passionate or the fierce or the loving kind of stare. No, it was a heart-piercing glare - so full of pure hatred, the kind that had his breath hitching up his throat in the worst way possible and his heart sinking into your stomach.

“Don’t.”

Ah.

No double meanings. Nothing else. The essence couldn’t be taken as a mere mistakable, conveyed with just one simple word that held the heaviest weight, yet it was enough for him to understand. He doesn't try to catch himself or his smile as it fades - along with the antagonizing agony that accompanied it.

The light in your eyes has gone.

They were so dark.

It doesn’t shine the way it used to.

He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He struggles. It takes him two more tries. Two more times of you opening and closing his mouth for him to finally unknot his tongue and drag the words to the surface.

“You have a …” he hesitates to say it, “boyfriend?”

It was so close. A few seconds until you would leave, and he just could wait. Stuffing your university belongings back into your bag, you exhaled, your lips tightening into a hard line. “What is it to you?”

A second or two passes, “Oh,” he replies, “I didn’t know, so -”

“What difference does it make?” you rhetorically question him, your patience running thin, “if you didn’t know or if you did?” You were being absurd - you knew that, but you wanted anything but the idea of having to talk about that subject with him and act like it was fine.

Being snappy at him wasn’t the greatest idea, but you know Jungwon was trying to get at somewhere. You would do whatever it took to defy him. That quiets him down, only forcing a painful nod.

You needed to leave. You couldn’t stay away from him, especially whenever he was near. God knows only a few words from Jungwon would be all it would take for him to manipulate you back into his strings.

Painful silence.

Until, “Does he make you happy?”

You find yourself freezing.

A sick feeling in your stomach.

Does he make you happy?

Happy.

Why was he asking the question like he meant it?

Your eyes flicker his way, and there is no hint of humor or taunting mock in his face. Was he serious? The man who broke you to pieces and disregarded you stood before you and asked if another man was making you happy, as if he cared. As if he ever did.

You don’t say anything.

You don’t have anything to say.

Jungwon knows that.

You try to breathe.

One.

Two.

Three.

You walk away, and he lets you. You walk away because walking away was the only thing you’ve ever done. Because walking away was the only thing you could ever do around him. Because you can’t risk another goodbye from him.

You were done gnawing back at the past.

[ now playing ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ spring day by bts ]

↻ … ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ

AFTER THE BREAK-UP

And the both of you became back to being nothing.

Just like that.

You told him your secrets, and you let him in. All the good, all the bad. You trusted him and brought down your defenses. You let him know your weird thoughts or funny inside jokes and the deep insecurities.

But he never got to know the little things, you realize the moment it’s over. The little things that infuriated you. The little things that made you laugh. Or the little things that would always put you on a better mood - the little bits and pieces of you.

You barely got to know him at all.

Was that the reason?

Was the fact of loving him just as plainly as that - nothing more, and nothing less - the root of it all?

Or was it just the big things that held the both of you together, and the small things that caused you to fall apart?

You don’t believe it’s over.

Because it’s not.

You’ve been stuck inside the house for longer than you could count. You’ve memorized the number of tiles on the floor and seen every miniscule crack on the wall. You know how many steps it takes to walk from here to the door.

And you know just how many steps Jungwon took to leave.

Your eyes remained fixated on the door, waiting at the dining table for him to come home.

Like every other day.

He was still finding his way back home, you reminded yourself.

Busy. He’s busy.

Tick-tock.

He’s on his way.

He'll come back. He always does. He promised.

You form hundreds of thousands of excuses for him.

But the door doesn’t swing open to reveal Jungwon in all form and glory beaming down at you, apologizing, telling you that it was a mistake, telling you that he didn’t mean it. Every day is the same.

But nothing.

Nothing.

Riki knows it’s one of your days.

He reaches for your hand to grab and the fact that you have no response alone proves his assumption even further.

He doesn’t mind, Riki decides to walk you home.

You have those days where you go completely silent. Worse than ever. So quiet that he could never guess what you’re thinking or if you’d ever come back from it. Eyes empty as if there was no one home. He doesn’t know how he could help you specifically, how he could make you snap out of it.

The only thing he can do is talk. Talk and talk and talk and talk. He talks for hours about anything on the top of his head, and Riki himself is surprised he could somehow manage to not run out of topics to tell you about.

Even if you don’t respond. Not even a flicker of recognition to any of his comments or jokes.

Riki never knows what you’re thinking.

But this time, that day, he knows it’s about Jungwon.

Someone asked you about Jungwon today. How he was doing, where he is, and what happened to him. As hard as Riki would shield you away from situations such as these, it wasn’t hard enough.

Riki was so close to making you smile the other day. He was finally doing it.

And then he’s back again to square one.

After his efforts of trying to get your attention by the food stalls the both of you passed by, Riki starts to go quiet.

There is no noise - nothing between the two of yoou. Only the rustling of leaves. The cool breeze of air. The sound of footsteps on cobblestone. Cars driving by. Indistinct chatters.

“Why are you still holding on?” quietly. So quietly, but you easily catch on Riki’s question. Then your hands slightly tremble.

You don’t answer him, you’re afraid of saying too much. You’re afraid.

He never said goodbye.

That was your reason.

He never said goodbye.

Jungwon always bids you goodbye, you’d explain to Riki if you could.

What makes this time any different, right?

He won’t leave without saying goodbye. He wouldn’t. Only you could understand.

He never said goodbye.

A part of you still believed that meant he was coming back.

When Riki tries dropping by like any other day - a sneaky reason to check on you, from the start of early morning, he sees you there.

You spend the whole day stuck in the kitchen.

Riki knows what day it was without having to ask.

By the evening, you bring out the cake that you’ve been preparing for and set it down the table, in front of an empty chair. The chair you never let anyone sit on. It’s still belonged to someone else.

Riki knows who it’s for.

Your eyes are distant, as if they were caught up in a dream. Light. You were there - physically, but you were far away. Far, far away. Riki started to wonder if this was just how you were. He wondered if there was ever a time where you were really alive.

He wondered the extent to how much this guy did to break you.

Your eyes looked so empty.

But you were still holding on, weren’t you? You’ve never responded to him, but he knew. Riki made no noise, but he clenches his hands into fists. You don’t acknowledge him standing there.

You set the candles down the cake with the lighter.

You only stare at the cake, expectantly. Waiting. Waiting for someone to blow the candles off. Waiting to sing the cheerful ‘happy birthday’ song and make a wish. But it wasn’t just anyone.

He doesn’t attempt to do anything - or say anything. But he stands near close to your proximity. Watching over. Silently. He doesn’t leave you that day.

You take a seat next to the empty chair, simply and patiently letting time pass as your eyes affixed themselves with the dancing fire.

Until the candles blow out themselves hours later from the cold air.

That night, Riki also knew who it was for when he heard your uncontrolled crying and broken whimpers pass from your room for the first time.

There was a period wherein you stopped leaving the house entirely. And Riki stopped pushing you to.

Everything reminds you of him.

The house has never felt so big.

Alone.

You miss the way he smells.

The overbearing feelings starts to compress, and you feel it expanding within your chest. It gets hard to breathe. You feel helpless.

Jungwon won’t like it if he sees you like this, wouldn’t he?

You keep reminding yourself.

He might come in any second, and you wanted to be at your best.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry.

You won’t cry.

You’d make it up to him.

You don’t want it to end.

He’ll come back.

You don’t know how many months it has been.

That’s a lie. You do.

You find one of the notes he wrote for you in an old shoe box.

It reminds you that what you had was real, that what you had wasn’t just a figment of your imagination. It wasn’t a dream.

You picked up the first letter, your fingers tracing through his handwriting.

It was painful. A shard of glass piercing through your skin.

To my one and only girl,

You couldn’t breathe.

It was merely the first line of the long letter, and you couldn’t breathe.

This time, you don’t pretend to forget that you aren’t Jungwon’s anymore. You don’t pretend that this was all a phase. A nightmare. A joke.

This time, you don’t pretend to wait at the living room for him to come back home, swinging the door open with a grin and greeting you from a long day like he used to. Not anymore. Even if you had so much to tell him. So much news to show off to him. So much news to be happy for. To celebrate. But you weren’t.

This time, you almost suffocate.

You torture yourself even more this time. You open the letter again and it rips your heart out. It stabs you and leaves you bleeding. You read the last line. Sealed with a promise. A broken promise that meant nothing now.

I’ll make you the happiest girl, I promise. I love you :)

You could imagine his cheeky smile as he wrote this, sealing the promise - among with every other one that he’s made. Every single one that he didn’t claim responsibility for.

Liar.

He was a liar.

He was reckless and a liar.

He broke you to the point where you couldn’t even manage to bring yourself to say his name.

You wish you were brave enough.

What a fool you were.

A dumb, useless fool.

“Kant’s metaphysics?” Riki answers, lying on the edge of your bed. He lounges carelessly with a review paper clutched on his left hand.

You rest a hand on your hip, pacing around your room. “No, but you’re somewhat close. It’s categorical imperative.” You corrected, recalling your philosophy lesson by memory through mentally singing a tune to yourself.

The philosophy oral examination was this coming Thursday that next week. It was Saturday. Riki complained, saying he needed help and tutoring, and you, other than staying cooped up at home debating your life choices and burying yourself in academics, there wasn’t really anything else you did.

He squints his eyes in confusion, “But how does that relate to the second follow up question after that?” you pause, staring hard at the desk beside you to remember the answer, you take minutes - but nothing.

You run a hand through your hair, visibly frustrated and stressed. You had all the more topics to go through. Hell, you had to go through the whole book and you couldn’t get past the second lesson yet.

Releasing an exhale, you shut your eyes tightly. Shit. Shit.

Jungwon always knew what to do. He knew how to calm you down and rile you up and make you laugh right after like he was born with it. He’d drop everything at the sight of you overthinking and over-stressing school work, embracing you and telling you that you didn’t have to worry. That he was there. He’d let you cry it out, vent out your frustration and stay by your side through it all, running a hand through your hair soothingly to comfort you.

He knew exactly how to take care of you.

You need him.

You needed him.

Just for this moment.

How much longer?

Biting down your lower lip forcefully, you chant the words over and over again.

He’s not coming back.

You know he’s not coming back.

You know.

You’re back to pacing across your room, back and fourth. ‘”I don’t know, I really -” you cut yourself off, irritated. At this point, you’re ready to erupt from the heavy weight of his absence. At this point, you want to drop to the floor and stop time to give yourself a breath.

Riki has sat up at this point, silently watching you. He’s probably either thinking that you were worrying and stressing over the amount of workload given to you like the usual. Or, does he know that academics isn’t what you were worrying about at all at that moment?

You try to level your breathing.

Come back.

Jungwon, please.

Come back to me.

To: won 😚🙄

[03:46am] you: hi i’m graduating this wednesday. i’d really like it if you could drop by.

error. message undelivered. try again?

[03:50am] you: hey did you know my graduation is nearing?? haha you should come :)

error. message undelivered. try again?

[05:18am] you: jungwon

[05:18am] you: are you there?

[05:19am] you: you’re gone and i really need you.

message sent.

do you want to delete this message?

message successfully deleted.

Contact user: [ENTER]

Contact: yang jungwon

by pressing [Confirm] you are allowing the name changes to be saved.

changes saved.

“The sun’s so clear out. Lighten up, princess ~” a voice calls you out of your thoughts and you realize you were trapped in a dream.

Identifying reality with dreams seemed entirely difficult to you. There was something fiction in the way reality was going to you.

Reality was as crazy as dreams were.

“Your moping is bad for my skin,” Riki comments lightheartedly, scrunching up his nose.

It’s been a week or so since he came along. Since he bumped into you and started to grow interest towards you. You don’t ask him, and you don’t really care. Nothing that every happens around you matters to you as much anymore.

You only blink in regard to him. That was more than a sign of acknowledging his presence that he was used to.

Riki is used to this. He doesn’t mid this type of behavior, nor did he expect anything else. He self-proclaimed himself as your guardian angel – two days after he’d met you – who’d look after you “since you lack the ability to look after yourself” end quote. Which was true. You couldn’t look after yourself. Especially due to the past circumstances that he pieced together himself.

You were probably someone’s ex-girlfriend.

To him, Y/N was a detached-from-reality schoolmate of his who was definitely more than what meets the eye.

You were someone he wanted to get to know, until you stopped becoming that person, one day.

Until you became someone he wanted to protect.

Sliding himself into the seat next to yours, he pouts at you. “Y’know . . . I think it’s time for you to . . move on,” he struggles finding the right word for it. You know it takes a lot in him to try and be gentle, as he probably would’ve been teasing you with a bunch of insults.

Your throat encloses, and you feel like burning up.

Moving on meant accepting that he was gone. Gone from your life. Accepting a future without him, and that wasn’t something you were ever going to be ready to do.

He was long gone.

Jungwon was long gone.

The magic you once felt with him wasn’t there anymore.

He wasn’t there anymore.

And neither were you.

Waiting for someone is painful.

Letting go from someone is painful, too.

But not knowing whether to wait for someone or let him go?

It hurts more than anything.

You were out inside the bathroom for the first time in hours since you’ve left your seat from blankly staring at your phone.

It was all pure coincidence when Nishimura Rik stumbles upon the open phone screen that you’ve been torturing yourself endlessly with.

It was all pure coincidence.

And coincidence just happened to align with his curiosity.

you: S.O.S. [7 hours ago]

you: come back [7 hours ago]

[Read]

Riki doesn’t have to read the contact name to see who it was.

It must be Riki’s professional job; being the only one around able to spot where you are when you suddenly disappear from the face of the earth.

“Princess?” Riki finally finds you along the benches, alone. He figures it weird, he’s not exactly sure what you were doing there exactly.

Until he sees your face. Your tear-stained cheeks.

Ah.

“It hurts.” Out of nowhere. He has never prepared himself for this. Your voice cracks a bit, “Riki, it hurts.” You plead with him as if he power to take it all away. Small. Helpless. That was what you sounded like.

He offers his open arms to you, and you bury yourself in them. He lifts you up from the darkness, even if it was just by a centimeter.

“I’m in so much pain, can you stop it?” you tell him in a managed whisper, your voice hoarse.

He’s afraid anything he’d say would only break you even further. He only hugs you tighter.

Fuck, why did he give too many shits about you? This wasn’t the least like him at all. What in the world have you managed to do to Nishimura Riki? He stares at you, not being able to do anything.

“Why does it hurt so much?” a small vulnerable child whimpering in pain – pain they were forced to believe was their fault. That was how you sounded.

He doesn’t know what to say. He’s frozen, in fact. “Riki I want to –“ you pause, trying to start again, “I’m tired,” you struggle with your words, your eyes closed shut, “Please make it stop.”

His eyes flicker.

Please make it stop.

Riki isn’t much of a person who really cared about anyone else’s business. He never poked his nose around because he never bothered enough to. Everyone was black and white to him.

You were a quite peculiar one to him, though. It drove him crazy, what was so good about you? You were clearly dead hungover your past ex. Barely talked. Barely did anything, at all.

But he saw the most beautiful and vibrant colors when he looked at you in the whole life that he’s been walking around colorblind to any other.

He was just being pulled down deeper.

For the first time, all Riki wanted from someone was just their happiness. Purely. Passionately. Their happiness for his happiness. He just wanted you . . .

He just wanted you.

Nishimura Riki is done for.

If this was what he thinks it is, he’s done for. Because Riki was ready to be anyone you wanted him to be.

You gave be something I’ve never had, he wants to tell you. And I have nothing special to give you - but I will give you everything I have.

He doesn’t break promises. Especially if it’s you.

Riki will mend what was broken.

Whatever it takes.

One step at a time.

He was getting himself into the biggest mistake in his life, God, he sure as hell knew that. But Riki was never going to regret what was to come.

He was going to make it stop. All of it.

… ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠˡᵃˢʰᵇᵃᶜᵏ ↺

PART TWO

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writemywaytoyourheart · 6 months

Text

Bedeviled | FINAL- Chapter 15b: Morior Invictus

warnings for this part: strong language, strong religious themes throughout, confusion, anxiety, JK is struggling help him, blood, mentions of torture, physical pain, heartbreak, despair, grief, loss, pls kindly let me know if I left anything out ty

WC part 2: 15.7k

read 15a first...HERE

JK sits a few feet from where you lay, biting the nail on his thumb as he glances at you every once in a while before looking back out of the mouth of the cave you’re in.

He isn’t sure how long it takes for you to begin stirring, face scrunched in pain as you once again become all too aware of the state your body is in.

Your face looks sickly, but there’s still a soft warm inner glow in your skin that he begins to realize has been there the entire time, he just never bothered to notice it.

He was too distracted figuring out ways to trick you into giving him your soul before you even reached the Flame, to save himself some time.

To keep moving up the ranks..

JK’s gaze is on a bloody stone sitting just outside the opening, when he hears your weak voice.

“You came back.”

He turns his head to see you still lying where he placed you, but this time your eyes are open and looking at him. Fresh tears linger there, waiting to fall.

The look you’re giving him makes a pit form in his stomach so he breaks eye contact and looks at the stained rock again, not responding to you.

“Where are we?”

“The fifth circle,” he mumbles, still refusing to look at you.

You blink slowly, feeling the ticklish tears slide down your cheeks as you gaze at him.

Despite the effort behind them, your next words crack as they fall from your chapped lips, “Why did you come back?”

It takes a moment and he still doesn’t look at you, but he answers.

“I don’t know.”

A tiny smile spreads on your face as your gaze runs up and down his form sitting against the rocky wall, long legs bent in front of him.

“I do.”

That finally makes him turn to look at you, confusion written all over his handsome face.

“Why?” He whispers.

Your reply is so soft he almost doesn’t hear you.

“Because you love me.”

His eyes lock on yours, unable to look away for a moment. Then he tears his gaze from yours and back outside.

“I told you that I don’t. I don’t know why you-”

“You told me that you can’t.” You correct him gently, watching carefully as he swallows and lets out a small breath.

“You’re an angel.” The way he says it is tinged with disgust. It doesn’t surprise you, but it does hurt, “I’m a demon.”

Silence falls between you for a few long moments.

Then he finally looks at you without darting his gaze away seconds later. There’s a hard look in his eyes, “What the hell did you think was going to happen?”

JK watches your eyes fill with tears again and chest stutter as you take an unsteady breath.

“I need you to trust me,” you whisper, bottom lip trembling slightly before you bite it.

His brows furrow.

“I already know you’re an angel, I know your secret. What is the point in trying to fool me now?”

“I’m not, I’m trying- I-…I wasn’t always an angel.”

JK takes a deep breath and shakes his head as if to clear it, then he looks back out of the opening in the mountain, “You angels speak in riddles, just like Him.”

You open your mouth to say something but he cuts you off.

“We can’t stay here long, we need to keep moving or-”

Struggling to sit up, you watch him carefully, your brow creased in worry, “Or what?”

He glances at you briefly before clearing his throat, “Nothing- be careful.”

You smile at the way he flinches to get up when he sees you moving into a sitting position. Then a pained hiss leaves your lips when one of the small stones that surrounds you digs into one of the several deep gashes on your palm.

“Are you okay?”

You look up to see him walking over to crouch by you.

“You look like shit,” he mutters as he takes your hand to look at the fresh blood oozing from the cut.

You can’t help but stare at him as he inspects your palm closely, mumbling something about the stone getting in it and how he’ll need to get it out.

“It’s going to hurt,” JK whispers before gently removing the stone.

At your lack of reaction to the undoubtedly painful process, he looks up to see you much closer than he thought. There’s a tiny smile on your face but a sadness in your eyes as you look at him like a pet you found after losing it years ago.

You lean a little closer until your noses are only a few inches apart.

Despite the dirt and blood on your face, the rattiness of your hair, and the pain radiating from you, your eyes are shining as they look into his. There’s an elegance about you that equally terrifies and intrigues him.

“Why?” He asks quietly.

“Why what?”

You watch his gaze drift along your broken body, the gashes and burns that decorate you, “Why didn’t you let me help? I could’ve made it easier for you.”

The look you give him is one he doesn’t understand.

You lean forward and whisper softly, “It was never meant to be easy.”

He watches as you blink slowly, clearly exhausted. You lean back again, your eyes full of a deep sadness.

“You weren’t always a demon, JK.”

His dark brown eyes look between yours a few times, trying to figure out what it is you’re saying.

A strained sigh leaves his mouth but he doesn’t back away. He shakes his head slowly, “Stop messing with me, I’m not stupid. I chose-”

“To trade your life for someone else’s.”

You see his eyes water a little in confusion before he blinks it away.

“Why are you saying this?”

“Because it’s true,” your voice breaks.

“It’s not, and I don’t understand why you-”

“Please just listen to me-”

“Why should I?” He snaps, “You’re an angel and a liar. Not to mention the last soul down here I’d ever trust.”

When the hurt is evident in your expression at his harsh tone and choice of words, his eyes fall to the ground between you and he gulps.

“I’m not a liar,” you say quietly, voice full of hurt, “I just didn’t admit that I’m an angel.”

“So everything else is true? You’re here for the Flame then.”

You bite your lip, then after a moment of silence you whisper, “No. That I did make up.”

JK scoffs and backs up a little so he isn’t so close to you.

“You’re the one that lied to me,” your voice gains a little more strength and you lean forward with furrowed brows, “You acted like you were going to keep up your end of the bargain but all you could really think about was deceiving me in any other way you could.”

He doesn’t look at you but you see him gulp.

“All you cared about was taking my soul,” your voice cracks due to the previous torture you endured. You can feel the energy steadily draining from you, “You never actually planned on getting me out of here-”

“That’s not fucking true,” he hisses, leaning in and glaring at you as he finally snaps, “I offered to let you go. I got your ass through Hell and don’t you dare say I didn’t. You wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me.”

His dark eyes flicker between your own. It takes him by surprise when he doesn’t see the irritation there that he expected to. Instead, there’s something that looks almost like relief.

He swallows thickly when he sees your eyes drift from his down to his lips.

There’s a faint smile on your lips when he glances down at them briefly before looking back up.

“You’re right,” you whisper under your breath softly, “Thank you.”

Your faces are only inches apart, you can feel his cold breath fanning over your cheeks.

“You look exhausted,” JK sighs, changing the subject.

You shake your head with a tiny smile.

“No more than usual.”

He knows you’re joking, but he can’t find it in himself to laugh. Even aside from the torment your body went through, he can tell that this exhaustion is something entirely different.

An angel in Hell is against all rules of nature.

“You should get some sleep.”

You shake your head again even as your eyes blink slower from the drowsiness that won’t let up. The faint smile on your lips doesn’t fade as you gaze at him with something he can’t decipher in your eyes.

Saying nothing, you watch as his brows furrow a bit when something occurs to him.

“You’re an angel…” he says quietly, almost to himself.

When he doesn’t say anything more and begins to look a little lost in thought, you hum gently to encourage him to continue.

“...shouldn’t you hate me?” He finally finishes, looking back into your eyes.

You stare at each other for a moment, then you lean in just a little closer, until your noses are a few inches apart.

“Do you think I hate you?”

He gnaws on his bottom lip a little before answering, “I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

The demon tries to look away but is stopped by a gentle hand on his cheek.

Instead of answering, he takes your hand in his and brings it down so that he can look at it. You watch the anger flit over his face as he scans the cuts and burn marks littering your skin.

He mumbles something that you don’t catch, so you lean down a little to get closer.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry,” he says it louder this time, his voice cracking a bit at the end.

Your heart aches deeply in your chest and you fight the tears building up as you watch him have an internal battle with whatever else is going through his brain.

“You came back…” It’s answer enough for his unexpected apology.

Then you ask softly when he seems distracted, “What’s going on in your mind?”

He chuckles breathlessly, “They never shut up.”

“Who?”

It’s almost like he doesn’t want to look at you as he says it, as if he’s ashamed. He keeps his gaze from yours when he mumbles, “The souls.”

A fresh wave of tears comes over you and this time you can’t hold them back. They trickle down your cheeks silently.

He must always hear them, whispering their desires to fall. Begging one of the demons to come along and grant them any wish for one simple thing in return.

“Most of them don’t know what it is they’re doing,” JK mumbles, “And some of them don’t care.”

“How so?” You choke out.

You know the answer, but you’re curious as to what he has to say, considering his role in these things.

“They play games, open doors they shouldn’t, mock the existence of all of us,” he’s staring at a dirty smudge on your torn skirt, “Most of them don’t understand, that if they go looking for us, we will find them.”

You’ve seen first hand the chaos and disaster that ignorance can bring, so you don’t disagree.

He’s right.

“And you can hear them?” You ask, “All the time?”

“It never stops.”

“That sounds pretty horrible.”

He swallows, then you see him shift back into that other state, the one where he doesn’t care.

“Not nearly as bad as being a miserable little puppet and bending to someone’s every will-”

“I’m not a puppet.”

He looks up at you at the strong tone of your voice.

“I am lucky that I ended up where I did and I would not change it for anything.”

JK squints at you, “Seriously?”

“I’m loved, and happy, and safe up there. I’ve never been forced into anything, I chose every second of it.”

You brush a strand of black hair from his face with your finger.

“Out of the two of us, I think we both know who the miserable one really is.”

JK gulps at your words.

“I can help you,” you whisper, “I can make them be quiet.”

You see his dark eyes flicker up to yours quickly.

“What?” His breathless question matches the bewilderment on his handsome face.

You nod, excitement clear in your shining eyes.

“I can help, if you’ll let me.”

“H-...how?”

“You need to trust me,” you give him a look, “Do you trust me?”

It takes a few seconds, then he finally nods slowly.

Before he has a moment to realize what you’re doing, you move forward and peck his forehead ever so softly before pulling back.

By the time he’s registered that you just kissed him, he’s also realized that his mind has become terrifyingly silent.

You feel a spark of warmth in your chest at the look in his eyes.

“Better?” You ask after a few moments.

When he looks at you, you think you see tears in his eyes, but he blinks them away quickly.

“I-...I don’t…”

“Don’t hear anything?” You finish for him and he nods.

His chest tightens painfully at the smile on your face that is positively radiating with joy.

It confuses him.

You look joyful…for him.

His eyes go from your face and drag along your form, taking in the damage for the hundredth time. Blood is dried and caked along most of your skin, the gashes still oozing bright red. He can’t see your mutilated wings from where he sits, they’re tucked behind you, but he has already seen them more than enough for him to stomach. Your hair is tangled and dirty, dark bags sit under your eyes.

There’s a slight tremble in your whole body that seems involuntary. Even as you shiver while clutching his silk shirt to your otherwise exposed chest, your eyes are still shining with relief and excitement for him being free of something that’s tormented him endlessly.

You watch in confusion but don’t protest as he reaches for the black shirt covering the front of you.

His eyes stay locked on yours as he gently takes it from your hold.

He doesn’t so much as glance from your gaze to look at your naked form as he brings it around your shoulders to put it on you properly. You let him slip it over your arms and bring it together in the front to button it up slowly.

He always wore it with at least three buttons undone, but he closes them all the way up for you, his dark eyes still staring straight into yours even when he’s finished.

The demon’s hands linger on the last button after doing it up as he stares at you. After a few long seconds he brings them down, looking at the ground before you see him swallow.

Your eyes flicker between his when he looks at you again.

“They asked me things,” you whisper, breaking the dead silence.

You watch his dark brows furrow and the anger cloud behind his eyes once more, “What do you mean?”

“They wanted to know why you mattered so much to me.”

JK’s eyes dart away from yours and he nibbles his bottom lip nervously at your candid words.

You don’t look away from him, just continue to watch him as he seems to try and figure out what to say to that.

Finally, he mumbles lowly, making you lean closer to hear him.

“And? What did you tell them?”

Your response is soft, “I told them I only asked you to lead me because you were the first demon I stumbled upon.”

You aren’t sure what you expected his response to be, but the way his face falls the slightest bit takes you by surprise anyway.

He doesn’t look at you, keeping his eyes locked on the ground as he nods slowly and sucks on his teeth a little.

What did he expect you to say?

A dark chuckle slips past his lips quietly, and he shakes his head to himself.

“I guess you were right.”

He looks at you at your soft spoken words.

You lean in closer, but he doesn’t move away.

Even when you get so close your noses almost touch, he doesn’t budge.

“Maybe I am a liar.”

The next breath gets stuck in his lungs and he gulps.

“What do you mean?” He finally chokes out.

The tiny smile on your lips makes his heart skip a beat and he finally pulls away just a little.

“I couldn’t tell them the truth,” you mumble, “They would’ve hurt you more than they had already planned.”

An anxious huff of air leaves him and he looks away from you, “Why-” he gulps, “Why would you care what happens to me? Why did you go back? Why didn’t you just run? You could’ve called your pathetic angel friends to save you. There has to be another way for you to save your stupid little best friend-”

“JK-”

“Is that not why you’re here? Or was that a lie too?”

“It wasn’t a lie,” you respond quietly.

“I fucking knew it,” he says under his breath, shaking his head and pushing his tongue into his cheek, “The one fucking thing that had to be true-”

“Can you just let me speak?” Your voice shakes.

After a few tense moments of silence, he nods, but doesn’t look at you.

“Just think for a second,” you whisper, “Why would I let them hurt me instead of you? Why should I care about a random demon in Hell?”

The demon’s look turns from silent irritation into one of disbelief as he glances at you briefly. It’s clear that he doesn’t believe you, but the realization of what you're saying is clear on his face.

“JK….”

He shakes his head, but is too confused to speak.

“You love me, Jungkook-” your voice breaks with emotion.

Clearing your throat, you correct yourself quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, “You loved me…once.”

When his eyes meet yours, you can see the complete and utter bewilderment and fear there.

You reach a hand out, but he flinches away, still staring at you in wide-eyed horror.

His chest moves up and down rapidly and he finally rips his gaze from yours.

Your words make no sense.

Nothing makes sense.

He chose this life.

His existence started when He made him, and he refused to be His little puppet. That’s why he’s here, that was all his own decision. You were created by Him and said yes to serving Him for all your sad immortal existence, you’ve always been an angel, that was your decision.

He never knew you and he certainly never loved you.

“I-”

Your eyes are full of sympathy as his voice breaks and he moves further away.

“Jungkook-”

“Stop calling me that,” he chokes out as he stands up.

“I’m sorry,” you reach for him, “Wait, please. Let me help you, I can help you remember.”

His panicked and disgusted look doesn’t change as he stares at you.

“Please,” you whisper, holding your hand out to him, “Please…just trust me.”

JK is fighting every single instinct to turn and run, to get as far away from you as possible as he stands there and heaves in breath after breath.

“…trust me.”

You can see the gears turning in his mind as he stares at your hand.

Finally, he takes your shaky hand with his own trembling one and lets you gently pull him to sit again.

“I know you’re scared,” you say gently, never letting go of his hand.

JK shakes his head, but can’t seem to meet your gaze.

“I’m not scared.”

You smile softly at him despite him not even looking at you, “Ok.”

Silence stretches between the two of you for almost a minute, then you ever so gently squeeze his hand to get his attention.

He finally looks at you to see you smiling sweetly at him, your eyes still shining and still a stark contrast compared to your messy appearance.

You scoot forward a little until you’re closer to him and leaning in.

He’s fighting every instinct inside of him right now. There isn’t a single thing about this situation that is normal to him in any way.

The way your gaze drifts between his eyes and lips is enough to have his heart racing and stomach twisting.

He doesn’t know why there’s such a deep desire inside of him to close the distance between you. He knows what will happen when he does and that terrifies him. It doesn’t stop him though, from leaning closer after you’ve stopped.

You let your eyes close as he places his mouth against yours timidly at first, then the kiss slowly becomes more desperate.

The feeling of his cold hand sliding ever so gently up your arm and then the back of your neck to move and cup your jaw sends chills shooting down your spine.

JK squeezes his eyes shut tightly when the images start flooding into his brain without hesitation.

The bright sun and gentle breeze are painful, but he doesn’t pull away.

The sound of laughter and taste of something sticky and sweet is overwhelming, but he doesn’t stop.

He can see the girl again, running ahead of him through the lush forest.

JK’s brows furrow as he deepens the kiss; anxious, for some reason, to pull you even closer than you already are.

The child breaks through a small hedge moments before he follows and stumbles into a small clearing with an apple tree sitting tall and strong. A swing hangs from one of its branches, moving gently in the wind.

The girl grabs it and is about to climb on, but she stops before doing so.

Then she turns to him and steps away from the swing, “You go first! I’ll push you!”

All he can do is watch through his own eyes without a say in his physical actions while he takes a seat on the swing and is soon going higher and higher.

“Look up!”

He does so at the high-pitched request.

There’s a bright blue sky with a few puffy white clouds above him.

A bright shimmer closes in all around his vision until the scene is gone and he’s pulling away from your lips.

“Are you okay?” You mumble, eyes drifting over his face.

He doesn’t speak but gives a small nod.

After he takes a few breaths, you’re about to offer to give him a break, but he leans in before you can, cupping your jaw and pulling you into another kiss.

Cold rain and the thick sweet scent of roses fills his senses.

“If either of us finds a way, we have to try. Deal?”

Those same voices that he heard in the seventh circle whisper faintly in a dark corner, barely audible as they echo around before fading away entirely.

“Ok, deal…”

“JK- hey look at me.”

He opens his eyes to see you scanning his face, concern clear on your own.

“Are you oka-”

“Who are you?” He whispers, cutting you off as his voice breaks.

Your expression softens and he watches silently as you smile gently at him, “Is that really the question you want me to answer?”

It takes him a moment, but he finally locks his gaze with yours. His next question is asked so softly, just a quiet breath, that you barely hear it.

“...who am I?”

You touch his cheek with careful fingers, warm and soft.

“Jungkook.”

His brows knit together and you can see the wheels turning in his head, just not going anywhere.

“You’re Jungkook,” you lean a little closer and drop your voice to below a whisper, “And you don’t belong here.”

“I- don’t understand.”

“That’s okay,” you assure him gently, “You will, I promise. I’ll help you remember everything-”

“No.”

Your face falls and you pull back.

“What?”

“I don’t want to remember it,” his voice has turned hard again, “So don’t bother.”

When he stands up, you reach out and grab his wrist, “Jungkook, wait-”

“I told you to stop calling me that.”

“But-”

“We don’t have time for this. Can you manage?” He gestures to your form sitting on the floor of the cave. After a few seconds to gather your mind, you nod slowly.

“Then we need to go.”

It takes every ounce of willpower for you not to burst into frustrated tears.

You waited so long to be able to help him remember. You wanted to open his mind more before showing him, because you knew he would shut it down like he’s doing right now. You don’t know how to get him to stop freaking out and let you help though.

You look up and see him holding a hand out to you. You take it and let him help you stand.

It doesn’t come as a surprise when you fumble and nearly fall over again.

JK wraps an arm around your waist, holding you steady as you sway on your feet.

“I’m okay,” you mumble, feeling consciousness slipping from you due to the agonizing pain that shoots through your body at the attempt to walk.

“Don’t push yourself- stop-” JK holds your arms close to your chest when you try to fight him off to move on your own, “Really? This is what you’re going to be stubborn about?”

You nod, head bobbing up and down as a yawn slips from you, “I c-can walk.”

“Like hell you can walk,” he mutters, shaking his head.

You wince as the pain spreads the longer you stand there, even though at this point he’s holding all of your weight.

“Just let me carry you-”

“You said- you w-” you clear your throat, “You said you weren’t going to drag my ass through hell. You said that.”

JK’s eyes widen and he scoffs in amusement at hearing you curse for the first time.

“Don’t worry sweetheart,” he whispers, a smirk playing on his lips, “I won’t be dragging you anywhere.”

You nod sleepily, still trying to stay fully conscious when your body is trying its best to go under; to do anything not to feel the pain rushing through it.

“Look at me,” he says gently.

You shake your head, a small frown gracing your features.

He chuckles quietly and touches your cheek, “I know you’re mad, but just look at me.”

You finally do, squinting at him.

“Before I pass out,” you slur almost incoherently before he can say anything.

He looks down at your movement, seeing you pull something out from where it was tucked into the makeshift bandage on your wrist from so long ago, when he first hurt you.

It’s some sort of cloth that you hold tightly in your fist, biting your lip.

“I almost lost it,” you mumble.

He knows what you mean by that, as sick as it makes him.

When you were caught, you must have known they were going to strip you down to torture and humiliate you as much as they could. You must have tucked whatever this is into the bandage as a last act of desperation to keep it hidden. It was pure luck that they didn’t bother ridding you of the bandage before chaining your wrists.

You got it out of the chest in the shack and kept it successfully hidden until then, you weren’t about to let them ruin one of your last chances to prove it to him.

“What is it?” He asks gently as you press the cloth into his hand.

“It was a gift,” you whisper faintly, and he can tell you’re about to pass out.

Your eyes flutter closed and the rest of your body weight slumps to the side, making him tighten his hold on you so that you don’t fall over.

As he holds you upright, he glances down at the handkerchief in his hand, his heart stopping in his chest when he sees the messily embroidered initials in the corner.

JK.

________________

The next time you find yourself waking up, there’s a gentle rocking sensation that almost lulls you right back into sleep.

You fight it though and force yourself to open your eyes in a squint to take in your surroundings. It’s a forest that he’s walking through and you’re on his back, head lying on his shoulder as his hands hold your calves to keep your legs wrapped around his waist. Your arms are dangling uselessly over his shoulders and down by his chest. Your wings droop behind you, still aching terribly, but the blood has long since dried.

“Where are we?” You mumble, voice cracking.

“Still in the fifth circle,” he says back quietly, but doesn’t slow his pace, “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay,” you whisper, pulling your sore arms to hug yourself closer to him.

His breath hitches for a second, but he keeps his composure.

“We’re about to reach the river.”

You sigh and lay your head down on his shoulder, “Are you going to leave me to get across by myself?”

You hear him scoff gently.

“You wouldn’t make it ten feet, darling.”

You smile to yourself, no longer minding the pet names he uses with you and probably any and every other soul he’s come into contact with.

He isn’t whispering it into your ear softly for only you to hear as you drift to sleep, he’s not breathing it against your lips when he doesn’t want to pull away, he isn’t even saying it with a tinge of annoyance after an argument when he’s assuring you that he still loves you.

But at least it’s something.

“You’re crying.”

You reach up a hand and wipe at your eyes, “I’m not.”

“Liar.”

The way he whispers that word makes your heart tear in two.

He feels your arms tighten around him and you place your lips close to his neck but don’t touch him. Your warm breath fans across his icy skin and he feels a chill run down his spine.

“I’m going to miss you,” you whisper, your voice low and thick with tears.

He’s about to ask what it is you mean, but before he can, he’s stepping out of the forest and into the open where the river is not far ahead, the bloody sinners tearing at each other relentlessly as they have done for many years and will continue to do for the rest of eternity.

You lift your head to look, but only briefly, then you put your face back into his neck to hide from the horror in the only way you can think of.

The feeling of him walking again makes your stomach turn. Despite not seeing anything, the sounds of rage and brutal violence still ring in your head.

He must be able to keep them from approaching you, because as far as you can tell, he’s just walking straight through the bloody massacre and none of the sinners have noticed.

It doesn’t take long to get to the other side going straight through, but it’s long enough to make you sick from the sounds that surround you.

JK steps off the river and you feel him carefully hike you up a little on his back from you slipping unconsciously.

“Thanks,” you mumble sleepily.

This horrible exhaustion is really killing you, it’s hard to keep your eyes open for more than a minute. You would never have made it far without him.

“I’m not angry,” you say softly, eyes closed and head still resting on his shoulder.

“Hm?”

“We’re in the fifth circle,” you take a shuddering breath, “but I’m not angry. I’m not even annoyed.”

“That’s good,” JK hums softly as he walks over logs and rocks strewn about the forest floor.

“Mhm.”

__________________

You once again blink into consciousness, your mind spinning with confusion.

After blinking a few more times, you see a multitude of blurry colors a few feet in front of you. Another few seconds goes by before you realize you’re lying down on hard stone.

Rubbing your eyes, you watch the colors start to come into focus before you can see that it’s quite literally a pile of treasure; gems and gold glittering in the light temptingly.

Good thing you have no desire for riches.

You sit up slowly, taking notice of the sinners rolling their giant boulders back and forth without acknowledging your presence.

The fourth circle.

“JK?” You look around, but don’t see him anywhere.

Your eyes land on the statue standing guard over the treasure, in the middle of the dilapidated temple you’re in.

The figure of the crouching naked old man still gives you the creeps.

He’s definitely looking at you.

“J-”

“You called?”

You gasp and turn to see the demon walking over to you, a small smile on his tired face.

“You scared me,” you whisper as he crouches next to you.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” his eyes scan your figure, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” you rub your eyes and yawn, the strange deep exhaustion no less than it’s been. When he gives you a look you clear your throat, “Really.”

A few seconds pass as you look at him.

He’s still as handsome and flawless as always, apart from the fatigue you can see that has begun to weigh him down.

“Are you okay?”

JK nods, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” You press a little more.

His expression softens at your worried tone. When he lifts a hand to brush some hair from your face, you gulp, heart melting in your chest at the gesture.

“I’m not the one that was tortured for sport, little angel.”

A lump forms in your throat at the memory of what was done to him, and for so so much longer.

You reach up and take his hand, holding it in yours and noting how cold it is.

His hands used to be so warm against your skin, running up and down the length of your arms and legs and cupping your face to pull you in for a kiss. He would never hesitate to cuddle you into his chest and lift your night dress to put his hands under it and rest them on your abdomen while you were having painful cramps each month, the comforting heat from his touch soothing the ache.

Being unable to pull him into your chest and never let go is beyond the measure of grief.

You want to warm him, keep him close until all of the fears and pain have been erased. You want to look in his eyes and tell him how much you’ve missed him, hear him whisper the words back as he envelopes you in a warm hug.

“I’m sorry.”

JK’s brows furrow at your sudden apology.

“Wh-”

“I’m sorry I left first.”

He watches your eyes well up with tears, not knowing what it is you mean.

“Please,” you choke out, only one tear falling, “Please just let me give you everything, please-”

He shakes his head and moves to stand, but you grab his wrist, more tears slipping down your cheeks.

“I can help you,” you cry softly, looking desperately into his dark brown eyes.

The demon crouches again, letting you keep a hold on his wrist.

“I don’t want it,” he says gently.

“Please,” sobs are falling from your lips, chest shaking with each one as you keep a grip on his wrist.

“Hey,” he calls you softly, cupping your cheek so that you’ll look at him, “hey.”

You can’t see very well due to the tears clouding your vision, but you do your best to look at him anyway.

“I can’t, Apple.”

“Why not?” You whimper quietly, fighting the sleep that’s tugging on you relentlessly.

His eyes shift between yours.

“If I remember, I’ll never be able to let you go.”

“Let me go?” Teary confused eyes drift around his face. Your words slur as you blink slowly, “Wait…where are you taking me?”

He wipes his thumbs under your eyes to dry them.

“Get some sleep.”

____________________

Several times you wake up, but you can’t register where you are or how long it’s been before you slip back into the fog of endless dreams and nightmares.

The hundredth time you open your eyes, you see an orange glow surrounding you and feel a warmth that is trying its best to permeate the cold that has begun to settle in your bones.

You swallow and blink harder a few times before you can see the source of the glow.

A small fire.

Tears instantly choke you but you swallow them and clear your throat as you sit up, relieved that the exhaustion has taken a small step back for the time being.

The feeling of deja vu sweeps over you when you lift your gaze to see him lying on the other side of the fire; long legs stretched out in front of him as he messes with something in his fingers.

You don’t make a sound, so he must have sensed your gaze, because his eyes drift from the small object over to where you’re looking at him from across the flames.

“Second circle?” You ask quietly and he nods.

A small smile tugs at your lips.

“Should I expect you to order me to crawl to your feet and worship you?”

He chuckles lowly and looks back at whatever he’s fiddling with.

“Not unless you want to, little angel, but I won’t be placing my bets on that.”

You breathe a small laugh and look down at your hands, then start absentmindedly picking at the dried blood on your fingernails for a few quiet minutes.

“So it was me, then?”

You look up at the sound of his deep voice and lock eyes with him, a request to clarify his question in your gaze.

There isn’t even a hint of a smirk on his face as he speaks, “The one you gave yourself to.”

You blink a few times, letting the silence stretch on for a bit.

Then you swallow, “Yes.”

“And you were the only and first I gave myself to? Back then.”

You raise your eyebrows and make a face, “Well, yes. Unless you lied to me, which I doubt, considering how much more of a catch I was than you-”

He laughs at your words and you feel your heart lift at the sound.

When the laughter dies down, you see his brows furrow as he gets lost in thought.

After a minute he speaks up again, his voice so quiet you barely hear it over the crackling of the flames.

“What was it like? The first time.”

Your eyes lift to see him looking at you. Once again, there is no smirk or playful glint in his eyes. He is not asking this just for the sake of lustful conversation, you can tell. He is just genuinely curious.

“Well,” you shift so that you can lean back against the wall of the cave, “It was on our wedding night.”

He nods, but doesn’t speak to interrupt you.

“It-” you drop your gaze to the fire even as he keeps his eyes locked on your face, watching all the different emotions run their course.

The look in your eyes is faraway.

You are not here, you are somewhere else, somewhere so very very far away.

There’s a soft look there and a gentle smile on your lips.

“It was beautiful,” you finally say, voice barely above a whisper.

JK says nothing to break the sacred silence that has settled, he just watches your face. He watches the distant look of pure love slip away and slowly fade into one of deep sadness.

A grief he does not understand.

A grief he has begun to want to understand.

“Can you show me?”

Your eyes fly to his, your next breath getting stuck.

“I thought you didn’t want to know,” you choke out.

His eyes fall back to his hands, “I want to understand.”

You watch him with teary eyes as he stands up and walks around the fire to sit in front of you.

The demon that led you through Hell and back leans closer, “Help me remember…please.”

It only takes a second for you to jolt out of your shock and nod slowly, “Ok.”

You sit up on your knees so that you’re a bit taller than him, your throat closing when you feel his hands rest gently on your hips and ever so slightly pull you closer to him. You can’t stop yourself from falling into his gaze, those big brown eyes sucking you in and filling your lungs until you drown.

“If I give it to you, I give you everything.”

He stares into your eyes for a few moments longer before nodding in agreement.

JK closes his eyes at the feeling of your hand caressing his cheek in a way only a lover would.

Then he feels your lips press to his gently.

You pull back almost immediately before moving back in and gliding your tongue along his bottom lip, pulling a heavy sigh from his lungs then once again diving deeper.

He can hear the sound of his own heavy breathing, yours mixing in with it as the two bounce off the walls of solid rock. Then they slowly fade away.

The walls of home glow with a warm orange light.

You’re lying on the bed, hair falling past your shoulders as you snuggle into the blankets even as they don’t cover you. Giggles fall from your lips and his heart jumps in his chest at the sound.

“What’re you doing?” Your sweet voice reaches his ears and he smiles as he walks over to stand by the bed you lie on in nothing but your night dress.

You get up on your knees and pull him closer, wrapping your arms around his neck and touching your nose to his.

When you pull back, the candle’s golden glow dancing around the room reflects in your eyes as you look at him with a love so pure and so unconditional he knows not a single soul on this earth could ever be as lucky as him.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Jungkook whispers, fingers brushing a messy strand of hair from your face.

Your nose and eyes scrunch up the way they do when you make a silly joke.

“You dropped an apple on my head. Right here,” you place a hand on top of your head and laugh quietly at the smile on his face.

“Here?” He puts his own hand there, “Are you sure?”

“Mhm!”

“Are you positive?”

“Yes, it still hurts.”

“Oh no,” Jungkook pats the spot gently before leaning forward and kissing your forehead, “I’m sorry, love.”

You pull him into a hug, “It’s okay, I forgave you a long time ago.”

He puts his arms around you and holds you close.

If only he could pull you into him and share his body with yours so that you would never again feel pain. He would give you his breath, the muscles that help him to move, the very blood that flows through his veins.

He would give you his own life.

The slight chill of your skin against his as you pull him onto you makes his heart break. You don’t get out much, can’t go long distances to get the blood circulating through your body.

Jungkook places his mouth against yours, his hot breath filling your lungs and warming you up from the inside out.

He can feel you shivering in his arms, so he pulls the covers around you both before leaving warm openmouthed kisses down your chest.

If you can’t breathe, he will breathe for you.

Soft sighs leave your mouth as he explores your body with gentle kisses and hands that leave a comforting heat behind wherever they touch.

If you can’t keep yourself warm, he will do it for you.

The whisper of his name from your lips pulls him back and he brings his mouth to yours again.

If you can’t walk, he will carry you.

His chest is pressed against yours, so close you can feel his heartbeat as if it is your own.

His dark eyes look into yours with so much love and adoration that you lose your breath.

“I love you.” He whispers.

You see the tears sliding down his cheeks in the orange haze as he looks at you.

This is the closest you will ever come to being one.

“I love you too,” you whisper back.

Jungkook feels his heart break just a little more as he takes in your sweet face, locking it into his memory so that he will never forget. He focuses on the feeling of his best friend’s heart against his chest, pounding steadily even as it grows weaker than his own.

He pulls you closer still.

If ever your heart fails to beat, you can have his.

__________

Everything comes back quickly after that; your first meeting, days and nights in the woods and village causing all sorts of mischief, your first kiss, finding out that you were sick and looking for a cure, seeing you again for the first time after you were healed, your pregnancy, losing the baby, everything. He even sees the sickness take hold, the things that happened in his absence. All up until the day he lost you. The memories stop when he’s curled up in a corner of the shack, three days after you left him.

JK pulls away, his lips detaching from yours slowly as his breathing becomes a little less labored.

He opens his eyes to see your face not far from his own, wide eyes curious as to what his reaction will be.

“Jungkook?” You whisper gently, hopefully.

His eyes flicker to yours but he doesn’t respond.

There is no recognition there as he looks at you.

Your heart shatters into a million pieces and he can see that on your face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

You open your mouth to say something, but no words come out. Silent tears drip down your cheeks.

“You don’t- you don’t remember? You didn’t see?”

“I saw.”

Your red teary eyes lock on his, begging to understand.

“I know you came for the person you lost, but I’m not him.”

“What?” You whisper brokenly, beyond confused.

“He loved you, I could see it,” JK says gently, “And I’m sorry…but there is nothing left of that person, and I don’t love you.”

It feels like your heart is impaled, the breath being knocked violently from your lungs.

JK swallows the lump in his throat at the grief-stricken look on your face as you stare at him.

“Maybe it’s best that I forgot,” he whispers, “It will never be worth the pain it caused by losing it. Why would I want to feel and remember whatever amazing thing He supposedly gave me only to remember the fact that He took it all back? It’s just what He does, and I want no part of it.”

“You don’t understand what you’re saying-”

“Think about it,” JK interrupts you, “What the hell kind of fucked up shit was that? He asked you to be good and punished you for it!”

“What?” You cry, not understanding.

“The kid,” the demon’s voice has become bitter, filled with rage and resentment, “You helped that sick boy and fell ill because of it-”

“The boy didn’t make me sick.”

Your soft voice echoes off the walls of the cave.

JK stares at you for a moment, then he leans closer, “What the hell are you saying?”

“The child was not sick with typhoid,” your voice shakes and you keep your gaze on the wall behind him, “If he was he never would have woken up the next day. He was very sick, but not with what I caught.”

Silence weighs down on you for several long moments. Then he whispers darkly.

“Then how did you get sick?”

“The water,” you say faintly, “Our main water source was dry and I consumed contaminated water from the well in the village-”

“Why didn’t the entire fucking village die, then?”

Your eyes finally find his; your hard stare not backing down from his cold one.

“Why do you think?” You practically spit.

Your question is met with nothing but enraged silence.

“Why don’t you ask your leader?” You hiss, “Ask him why the ponds and river were dry, why I alone died from the water everyone drank, why he blamed it on the boy just to stir more anger and resentment into your heart. Why don’t you ask him?!”

JK’s mouth twists in rage.

He doesn’t know the pain from what happened, he cannot remember the feeling of loving you and the grief of losing you, but that doesn’t stop him from being angry at the one that caused all of this.

“I will ask him when you go to your Creator and ask why He abandoned me!! Why does He sit up there and play with us like dolls?! Why does He love to give and then take away, sitting back on His mighty throne and laughing at our agony because of it?!?”

You are about to snap back when an idea strikes you.

He can’t even register what you’re doing before you sit up on your knees and grab his hands, holding them to your chest and squeezing your eyes shut as tight as you can.

“What the hell are you do-”

JK doesn’t finish his sentence before everything fades away, his sight, the feeling of your hands, the smells and sounds that once surrounded him.

He is in nothing but pitch blackness.

Then there’s a clear blue sky overhead, birds singing in the trees, and a soft breeze kissing his cheeks.

He sees a small boy climbing an apple tree, his short legs and arms causing a bit of a challenge for him, but he manages.

The child shimmies up one of the long branches and reaches for a bright red apple that hangs there enticingly.

“You can get it, you’re almost there!”

The voice belongs to a young teen boy that sits on a branch a few feet above the child’s head, his blue eyes that match the wings on his back and the toga on his body are shining with delight. Shiny blonde locks fall to the angel’s shoulders, not a hair out of place.

A laugh bursts from his lips when the boy makes grabby hands at the shiny fruit.

“Don’t make fun of me, Nehemiah!” The boy cries, but there’s a smile on his tiny pink lips as he reaches again.

The guardian angel beams with joy, then he flies over from his branch and grabs the apple, plucking it from the tree easily.

“Here Kookie, catch!” He gently tosses the juicy red fruit to the small boy, who laughs and stretches his hands out. He almost catches it, but it slips from his fingers at the last second and plummets to the ground.

Tiny Jungkook looks down to see that the apple has smacked another child on the head. He gasps and scurries down the tree as fast as he can to apologize.

Nehemiah watches with his hands over his mouth to hold in the giggles. His eyes meet the dark green ones of another guardian angel before his excited laughter breaks free.

There was never a friendship among angels and humans quite like theirs. Ever since the boy was born, he could see the angel that followed him everywhere and kept him safe. He learned his name and had complete and utter trust in him.

As Jungkook grew, Nehemiah stayed the same. He had existed for many many years, yet never appeared any older than fifteen.

When Jungkook reached the age of seven, Nehemiah realized with a sinking heart that the boy could no longer see him. He spoke to him sometimes, but that eventually faded away as well. The games and stories and laughter slowly fizzled out.

Nehemiah caught Jungkook’s tiny arm when the child tripped over a stone lying in his path. He righted the three year old boy and laughed as he thanked the guardian angel before breaking into a run once more.

That was one of the angel’s most fondest memories, the one he would always bring to mind during the hardest of days. The blue angel never left his side though.

He walked with Jungkook along the dirt paths and smelled the flowers the boy picked, sang along to the songs he hummed, and was quick to guide him to the dead rose bush that one frightening day at the river even though the boy couldn’t see him.

It was not time for Jungkook to leave Earth yet, for he still had so much to do.

Nehemiah cried with Jungkook the day he found out about your disease. His heart was aching just as much as the boy’s; if not more from just seeing him in pain.

There were many attempts to soothe his human’s heart as he traveled searching for a cure, but Jungkook only ever slipped further and further away from him with each passing day.

He could not hear his guardian angel’s voice anymore.

Nor did he want to.

---------

Nehemiah rejoiced loudly at the wedding and danced with Imelda to the pretty music that played, his bright grin never dimming. For that day was one of the most joyous he could remember, of course not nearly as joyous as the day Jungkook was conceived and he finally got to meet him in the womb after waiting for so long.

_______________

Nehemiah wrung his hands anxiously as Jungkook tied the bundle of herbs together in front of the fire.

“Jungkook please, please don’t do this. Go home to Apple,” his eyes stung with tears, “She’s alone, stop leaving her alone!”

He got no response.

“Jungkook, listen to me! If you go home now, Aera will be conceived before long. You will lose her and yes you will lose Apple too, but I promise you that it will not be the end. You will be there for her during death, to hold and comfort her to ease the struggle of passage. Apple will not die in agony if you stop this and go home to her now.”

Jungkook stepped back and looked at the fire, the bundle of herbs becoming wet in his sweaty hand.

Nehemiah flew in front of him and held his arms out to prevent him from tossing it in, “You will go with them soon, I promise! And we’ll all be happy together in Heaven, we really will!”

His heart sank at the way Jungkook looked right through him.

There was no memory left of the guardian angel, not after despair had sunken in.

The fire snapped and crackled when the herbs hit it and began to burn.

A cold breeze swept through the area and Nehemiah sighed deeply.

Jungkook turned and came face to face with Lucifer.

The Devil looked past the human boy’s shoulder briefly to see the young blue angel glaring daggers at him.

He smirked and went back to business.

Nehemiah tried, he tried his hardest, but Jungkook would not listen.

_______________

The blue angel practically tackled the brown angel, Nasya, who joined him and Imelda the day that Aera was conceived.

“Oh, you’re finally here, you’re finally here!!” He jumped up and down and cried tears of joy.

Nasya smiled, “For a little while, Nehemiah. I will go back soon, with Aera.”

Nehemiah nodded solemnly, knowing the time would come but that sweet baby Aera would be happy in Heaven and would not suffer long in her passing.

When the time came, Nehemiah cried all of his tears. He hugged Nasya, who cradled the infant Aera in her arms, before bidding them goodbye, then he was right beside Jungkook in his mother’s home.

You laid on the bed, face drained of color and eyes drained of life as you stared out the window. Imelda was caressing your face gently and whispering words of comfort.

Nehemiah laid his head on Jungkook’s shoulder and whispered his own words of strength and comfort.

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” he whispered as a tear slid down his porcelain cheek, “It will hurt for a long time. You’ll be strong for Apple though, don’t worry. I know you're scared you aren't strong enough, but you won’t let her down, you will get through this and you will smile again. Aera is safe and happy, I promise, I promise.”

____________

Nehemiah couldn’t watch as Jungkook bid you goodbye.

He locked eyes with Imelda, who nodded sadly at him and waved after he called farewell to her, then he followed Jungkook and his mother as they left for their journey.

The screams that ripped from Jungkook’s chest as Taehyung and Yoongi pulled your limp body from his arms broke Nehemiah’s heart into a thousand pieces.

He knew you were okay, he knew you were no longer in pain and would soon be filled with joy beyond measure.

But Jungkook did not know that.

Nehemiah sat and cried with him for three days, never leaving his side.

He knew Jungkook was dying, and he knew what would happen when he did; what he would need to do to protect him.

The guardian angel stood his ground, sword held out and ready to strike any and every miserable wretch that tried to come close to his human.

Jungkook was curled up in the corner of the shack and staring at the dead roses that had spilled from the vase, his breath slowing down and becoming more labored with each inhale and exhale.

He was fading.

Nehemiah locked eyes with the first demon to approach.

“You will not touch him,” he whispered, sword pointed at the demon’s gnarled chest.

The creature howled with delight and moved to get around the angel, but Nehemiah was faster. He swung his sword and sliced clean through the demon’s stomach, causing it to recoil and screech in fury before fleeing.

The young angel took a deep breath and backed up to be closer to his boy, ready to defend him until the end.

Many demons came that day, and Nehemiah held off every single one on his own. They came at him in swarms and he was beaten and torn at for hours, but he did not back down.

The demons could not reach the soul they came to claim. There was an angel between them and their prize, and he would not let them pass.

Nehemiah struck at demons left and right, his cheeks tinted with the slightest pink at the exertion.

That’s when he heard it.

Jungkook’s last breath; the final beat of his broken heart.

Then he was gone.

Nehemiah turned slowly and saw Lucifer standing there, a smug smirk on the demon’s despicable face.

The guardian angel dropped his sword and walked over to his closest friend, his heart breaking more with each step. He was not seen, but that didn’t stop him from sitting beside his boy and wrapping his arms around him.

He laid his head on Jungkook’s shoulder and wept. He heard Lucifer speaking and did his best to talk over him but to no avail. Jungkook was never going to listen.

The broken mortal closed his eyes and did his best to conjure up an image of you.

Nehemiah hugged him tight and whispered to him as he used to when Jungkook was little and wanted a bedtime story, when he would tell stories of a place so beautiful it couldn’t be imagined. Where they would be together someday.

“Apple is somewhere safe and warm, where the sun kisses her cheeks and dances upon her fingers. Somewhere the apples are sweet and crisp, where the water is never too cold.”

He heard Jungkook grimacing at the sting of the image being scratched into his bicep.

“Look at how ruined you are,” the Devil whispered with shameless glee, “All because of love.”

Nehemiah wiped Jungkook’s damp cheeks gently, feeling him slip further away.

“She is somewhere she can fly with the clouds, never alone.”

Lucifer locked eyes with the guardian and glared with undeniable hatred.

The angel did not back away from the harsh stare, he looked right back at the blasphemous traitor as he whispered to his most beloved human that would soon be taken from him.

“Somewhere the roses will always bloom.”

_____________________

You open your eyes to see JK’s shut tightly, his cheeks damp with silent tears.

He takes a shuddering breath, his chest shaking a little when he blows it out slowly.

You say nothing, not wanting to risk him shutting down again.

It takes a few minutes, then you finally see him blink open his eyes, a stray tear trickling down. He pulls his hands out of yours and touches his fingers to his wet cheek, confusion written all over his face. It appears as though he’s forgotten what it’s like to cry.

The silence stretches on in the small dark cave, only the soft sound of crackling flames reaches your ears.

The pretty boy in front of you looks lost in thought, his eyes still squinted in confusion as he slowly wipes the remnants of tears off of his skin.

There’s nothing you can think to say to fill the void.

JK finishes drying his face, trying his best not to dwell on the uncomfortable foreign feeling that overtook him momentarily. Only seconds before, he had been yelling about how he had been abandoned, only to see the strangest images of quite the opposite.

Nothing makes sense and it’s terrifying him.

You two sit there for another few minutes, the quiet not unwelcome as you each ponder the thoughts in your minds.

The demon takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly, closing his eyes so that he can think clearly.

There is no time to learn more, to find out what happened that made things lead up to this; to understand the feeling of loving someone and losing them.

He does not know what that is like, though he has begun to wonder if it is anything like the constant ache in his chest, the feeling of his heart being ripped to shreds without pause.

Perhaps there is something more to the torture he has always tried to pretend does not weigh him down every moment.

But there is no time.

JK forces himself to look back at you.

The way you stare off into the distance with watery eyes and a lost gaze, makes that awful feeling in his chest happen again.

The color is draining from your face quickly, and the warmth that usually emits from you is no longer there.

You jump a little when he takes your hand, your eyes falling to where he grabbed you before traveling up to his face.

JK runs his thumb along your knuckles softly, noting how cold your skin has become.

There is no time…for anything.

You’re fading.

“We need to go,” he whispers, the soft spoken words still echoing around the cave.

He watches your face crumple and a few more tears stream down your cheeks.

“I don’t understand,” you mumble tearfully, exhaustion and confusion clear in your voice, “I don’t understand why it isn’t working.”

“I’m sorry.”

A broken sob breaks from your lips and you pull your hand from his to cover your face.

“I’ve waited so long to hear you say that,” you choke out, “But now that you have, I wish you wouldn’t.”

He says nothing for a few moments, then he whispers again, clearly regretful, “We need to keep going.”

The demon watches the angel in front of him check out for a few moments before wiping at her eyes and choking down a swallow as she breathes out a couple shaky breaths.

“I’m not broken,” he eventually hears you whisper, your voice quivering.

His eyes lock with yours.

“I didn’t say you w-”

“I’m not broken.”

JK swallows, knowing that he can’t hide the thoughts running through his mind.

“Good,” he finally says, “Because I’m gonna need you to do your best to stay unbroken, just for a bit longer.”

He shifts, moving onto his knees in front of you and leaning down to brush the tangled strands of hair out of your face, “Can you do that for me?”

Your eyes are locked on his, quickly getting lost in them.

You nod slowly.

The smile that spreads on his face makes your heart lurch into your throat.

You don’t fall asleep again, but you might as well have.

You are so disoriented that you can’t tell up from down or right from left. All you know is that you are on his back, holding on weakly as he walks.

Eventually the gentle bouncing indicates that he’s walking up a set of stairs, although it’s too dark and you’re too out of it to know where exactly those stairs lead to.

Then there’s suddenly the uncomfortable red light that pierces your eyes and you close them quickly. When you open them again, you see a dark forest just ahead and stone ruins strewn about just outside of the stairway the two of you came out of.

The same ruins that littered the ground outside of the seventh circle.

The conversation surrounding them rushes back into your brain as you glance around.

“The earthquake.”

“Earthquake?”

“The one that shook the earth at the time of His death.”

The sound of soft weeping reaches your ears and slowly begins to gain in volume. A forest of thin trees surrounds you when JK keeps walking, misty figures of souls dart in and out of sight.

Limbo.

The silence that stretches on between you and him is unsettling. Your stomach is in knots knowing what’s about to happen.

What you’re about to do.

The silence doesn’t end, it continues all the way through the long dark forest, making you sick with fear.

There is no distraction to help you in any way.

Give me strength.

JK sees the gate not far ahead and swallows thickly as he adjusts you to be more comfortable on his back when you slide down a bit. Almost there.

He feels your arms tighten around him and your cold nose brush against the side of his neck, sending shivers down his spine.

“I love you,” you mumble against his skin, the words making his stomach sink, “...it’s okay, you don’t need to say it back.”

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispers.

“I know,” you whisper, “Me too.”

JK swallows, forcing his feet to keep moving forward.

He’s only fifteen feet away from the giant stone entrance to Hell, when a voice rings out through the forest and he freezes.

“Going so soon?”

A few more steps and you would have made it.

You feel the demon go rigid under you, then he turns slowly.

JK locks eyes with the blonde demon that’s leaning against a tree and smirking.

“Did you really think you could get her out? Did you really think I wouldn’t find you?”

You gulp as you watch Sav laugh to himself.

JK lets go of your legs and gently lowers you to the ground where you end up sitting uselessly. All the strength in you is gone, you can’t even barely hold yourself up as you watch your best friend straighten to his full height.

“No Sav,” his deep voice rings out, “I counted on it.”

“You’re in no position to threaten me,” Sav snaps, moving from leaning against the tree and walking closer.

“I could say the same about you.”

“Give us the angel and we’ll forget this little incident happened.”

JK chuckles darkly.

“You touch her and I will make you regret every choice you’ve ever made in your entire miserable little existence.”

You hold your breath as he stands between you and the demon that tortured you endlessly without restraint.

“Oh, I’ve already touched her,” Sav whispers, a seductive smirk on his lips as he glances at you. You pull your gaze from his, not wanting to revisit all that had happened.

“I’ve made her scream and cry.”

JK’s jaw clenches.

“Are you jealous?” Sav giggles maniacally, “Are you jealous I got to cut up her precious little skin until her blood coated my fingertips and she was sobbing for me to have mercy?”

You did nothing of the sort, there was not a single beg for reprieve from you. And Sav knows that.

“Are you mad that I was the one that got to strip the little angel-”

JK walks forward and grabs Sav by the collar, dragging him close to his face roughly and cutting off his sentence.

“You can try all you want to rattle me Sav,” JK seethes, his chest rising and falling with enraged breaths, “But we both know the bastard that resorts to that already knows when he’s fucking lost.”

Sav gulps, the fear in his eyes nearly hidden by the smirk on his face.

“Grasping at straws already, Savie?” JK chuckles, holding the demon in place when he tries to wriggle away, “How fucking pathetic.”

You watch silently, but can’t see much more than JK’s back, the way he towers over Sav is almost terrifying. You wouldn’t want to be in his place.

“I can’t imagine trying so hard to be important and failing so fucking miserably.”

Sav glares at JK fiercely, the words biting into his bones and nearly making him crack.

He’s about to snap back when a chill goes through the forest and both demons stiffen.

Your heart leaps to your throat at the sound of the gravelly voice that would not leave you alone.

“Really Sav, enough of this ridiculous humiliation you cause yourself constantly. How useless can you be? Can’t you see that you don’t need any more help to look so pathetic?”

All you can see of this new demon are large black wings and a looming figure.

No one says anything for a few moments, then the cold voice speaks again.

“Let go.”

You watch in fear as JK roughly lets go of Sav, making the smaller demon stumble back. You can see the dark-haired demon’s shoulders moving up and down with heavy breaths. It’s clear he had no choice but to listen.

It only takes one look from the newcomer to send Sav scrambling away into the trees.

You close your eyes after seeing the frighteningly beautiful devil in front of JK.

Lucifer glances at you over his minion’s shoulder and smiles.

“You’ve only just arrived in Hell, angel. Won’t you stay a little longer?”

You don’t answer him.

JK gulps, his whole body shaking.

“Kneel.”

He drops to his knees immediately, head hanging in shame as he stares at the ground and bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

Lucifer chuckles.

“Look at you. You really thought you could make your own decisions, you thought I knew nothing of your actions and that you could slip away unnoticed.”

“I didn’t-”

“Shut up.”

JK snaps his mouth shut, grinding his teeth in order not to let himself scream profanities.

The Devil leans down and whispers, “I own you. Has that also slipped from your knowledge? Must I remind you that I am the one that calls the shots?”

You can feel sweat pouring down your bloody back, the pain beginning to increase with each moment that passes.

Only a few seconds pass before you realize something is happening to JK too.

He’s hunched over, breathing heavily and grimacing.

“Jungkook,” you gasp out, horrible pain washing over you and rendering you incapable of moving.

“Shut your filthy mouth,” Lucifer snaps, his glare turning to you and the pain surging up into new levels as you cry out and lay your forehead on the ground, prayers falling from your lips desperately.

JK can’t move, he’s stuck where he is; kneeling at the feet of Lucifer and shaking with agony.

You force yourself to lift your gaze and look at the Devil, locking eyes with him.

Lucifer’s eyes widen in rage at your defiance and he steps forward, reaching to grab the demon kneeling before him.

He stops though, when his path is suddenly blocked by you throwing yourself in front of him.

JK opens his eyes, his gaze lifting to see you standing between him and his leader. The blood streaking down your legs and torn dress is a strangely vibrant red. His eyes lift more to see your smaller wings, still ripped to shreds.

You look miniscule standing in front of the Devil himself, but you don’t appear afraid in the slightest. Your fists are clenched so tight that fresh blood drips from them where your fingernails dig into the delicate skin.

Lucifer takes a step back and chuckles, crossing his arms, his dark wings resting behind him.

“You think you’re very brave, don’t you?”

You say nothing, only glare at him with a burning hatred.

“He cannot leave. You already know this…why pretend otherwise?”

When you still don’t respond, he uncrosses his arms.

“You don’t know your place, do you child?”

His voice has become lower and his expression softens, now uncharacteristically gentle.

Despite his words, he suddenly seems empathetic, in a way. It’s startling.

Your brows furrow but you hold your ground.

JK watches in confusion from where he’s still kneeling on the ground, unable to move and jaw clenched shut as the pain evens out to a steady ache across his whole body.

“In mortal life, living in the village,” Lucifer whispers as he looks you over, “You never belonged there, did you?”

Your eyes narrow more but you remain quiet.

“You don’t belong up there either, do you?”

“I belong there,” you choke out, wishing your voice to sound stronger than it does.

A sad smile spreads on the demon’s face.

“Do you? Because I see the same look in your eyes that was in mine the day I found out I didn’t belong anywhere either.”

You’re about to respond, but he cuts you off.

“D-”

“You don’t belong anywhere, little misfit, you know I speak the truth. Why not join me? Why bother suffering uselessly just to follow His ridiculous will? I chose to belong here. You can choose to join me,” A smirk spreads on his face, “We’re not so different, you and I-”

“I am nothing like you,” you whisper fiercely, “And I do belong there. I have never belonged anywhere more.”

You take a step closer, your bare feet numb to the warmth radiating from the earth.

“Did you really think you could convince me otherwise, demon?”

His eyes turn cold and angry at the dismissive title you use, as if he is worth no more than any other wretch here.

“Did you really think you could give me a moment’s pause? Are you that foolish?”

He’s about to snap back but you keep going, stepping closer with each word.

“I suppose you are. You experienced what it was like, you were there. You belonged there and you knew it, you just wanted more.”

The Devil glares at you.

“You were there and you gave it up,” You get up into his space, your eyes glancing briefly at the dead white rose on his bicep being strangled by the serpent, “You are the biggest fool in existence and I would rather suffer ten thousand times more in order to bring others to be with Him than ever be compared to the likes of you.”

“Enjoy that then,” Lucifer hisses, “Enjoy paradise all you like without him.”

You hear a pained gasp from behind you and turn in horror to see JK doubled over and groaning from the indescribable pain consuming him.

You rush to him, but are grabbed and yanked back harshly before you can get there. The Devil has a strong grip on your upper arm as he addresses his prisoner.

“You are mine,” he growls, his glare trained on the demon kneeling before him, “Your soul belongs to me and it can never leave the gates of Hell.”

“He’s lying!” You scream, fighting against him, “He wants you to think he’s the one in charge. He’s not! Lucifer knows he’s lost, he knows that at the end every knee will bend to Him. All he can do now is bring down as many souls as he can before that,” You’re practically sobbing, “Jungkook, he’s desperate, you know that means he’s already lost!”

Lucifer chuckles, satisfaction sweeping over him at the feeling of despair seeping from the poor pathetic soul knelt in the hot dirt.

“You can leave, Jungkook, don’t listen to him!!”

He watches Lucifer smirk down at him, still holding onto your arm. Tears are streaming down your face as you look at him desperately, as if trying to convey something without words.

He doesn’t understand.

“You can’t both leave,” The Devil whispers, “Can you?”

He looks at you at the same time that JK does.

Confusion is swarming the lower demon’s brain as he stares at you.

The expression on your face doesn’t make sense.

Why do you look sorry?

“But you knew that,” Lucifer continues quietly, “You came here knowing that, didn’t you little angel?”

JK’s eyes dart from his master over to you, and he finally understands.

“I’m going to miss you.”

That's what you had said, that’s what you meant.

You can see the horror sweep over him and he shakes his head, never looking from your gaze.

“No.”

Lucifer chuckles.

“____, no-” JK chokes out in disbelief.

Your heart rips in two hearing him say your name for the first time in over five hundred years.

“I told you not to call me that,” you whisper, tears in your eyes but an encouraging smile on your face meant to reassure him that it’s okay, “I don’t like it when you’re serious.”

He shakes his head again, slowly.

He brought you to the gate to get you out, you’re not going to trade places with him. It wasn’t supposed to be like this-

“Why not take her up on her offer?” Lucifer grins wickedly, “If you do, all of this pain will go away.”

A breeze rushes over the demon kneeling in the mud, and with it the feeling of instant relief.

All of the pain that has wracked his body and kept him weighed down for as long as he can remember, is completely gone.

He looks up to see you staring at him, wide-eyed.

The sound of a bubbling brook reaches his ears, like music on the wind.

Tears brim in his eyes as the smoky forest around him fades away and he’s suddenly in a sunlit field.

The beams of light from the sun do not hurt him.

The sight of bluebirds flying into the clouds does not fill his heart with anger and resentment.

The sweet smell of rain does not make him sick with disgust.

JK looks down at the grass he’s kneeling on. He slowly reaches a hand out and runs his fingertips over the soft blades, a broken gasp leaving him at how silky it feels. Blue and pink and purple flowers decorate the field, and he could swear he hears them singing praises.

Who are they singing for?

Soft footfalls reach his ears and he turns to look at who is approaching, but he can’t see them. All there is, is a human-shaped light walking through the meadow towards him. His heart aches with more and more immeasurable longing with each step closer they take to him.

He doesn’t know why, but it feels like he knows this person, even though he’s never seen them before in his life.

He wants them to reach him.

He knows once they do, he will never hurt again.

The closer the person of light gets, the louder the flowers sing.

The demon’s chest rises and falls rapidly, excitement fluttering in his stomach at the prospect of coming face to face with this being.

Tears creep to the edge, threatening to spill.

He’s never felt so at peace.

Then it’s all gone.

It’s ripped from him mercilessly.

In the blink of an eye he’s back in Limbo and screaming at the sheer agony that takes root once again. JK grabs at the place where his heart is and cries out at the feeling of it being ripped from his chest and crushed into dust.

He can’t breathe.

The pain is more excruciating than it has ever been, it was unbearable before but he was forced to endure it, now it doesn’t feel like he’ll be able to.

After experiencing the soft grass, the gentle wind, the feeling of relief...he cannot bear it.

You cry as you are forced to watch in gut-wrenching grief while he sobs, his body shaking and curling in on itself to try and stop the pain.

He can’t breathe.

“You tasted the sweet sweet feeling of joy, of the eternal relief you will feel once you leave,” Lucifer whispers temptingly, “She can’t leave anyway, JK. She gave up the one thing she brought that connected her to the outside. She already paid to cross the ferry, she cannot leave.”

JK looks up at you, tears streaming down his face.

You can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“Once she takes your place, you are free to go. You will no longer be bound to me. If you stay, your punishment will increase due to this little act of rebellion.”

You smile at him softly, tears still falling down your cheeks.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

JK drops his gaze to the ground.

You close your eyes and conjure up an image of her as best as you can, the one thing that can bring you comfort in this moment.

Aera’s small arms wrap around you and hold you tight as she whispers how much she loves you in your ear.

“Nasya says you are brave, mommy,” the tiny child pulls back and smiles at you, “Are you really going to save daddy? Are you going to bring him home to be with us forever? Can I show him the Garden??”

You cup her supple cheeks with your hands and lean forward to kiss her button nose.

Her bunny teeth appear as she giggles. You smile softly and touch your forehead to hers.

“Yes, Aera,” you whisper, “I’m going to bring daddy home and you can bring him to the Garden, I know he will love it. Make sure you show him the roses, okay baby?”

She takes your cheeks in her hands as you did to her and leans forward to whisper, as if she’s telling you the biggest secret.

“I will, mommy.”

JK looks up just as you open your eyes. His gaze locks on yours.

Lucifer lets go of you roughly and you stumble, falling to the hard ground.

“Choose.”

He thinks of the field, of the flowers, of the blue sky and white clouds.

And he wants it.

It would be selfish.

He thinks of the smell of crystal rain and honeysuckles, and the mysterious ethereal being coming to join him, to love him more than any other could.

And he wants it…

He’s selfish.

Demons always are.

Demons can’t be anything other than selfish.

JK looks into your eyes, the next breath getting stuck in his chest.

It’s okay, your eyes tell him, this is what I want, this is why I came.

You watch as he crawls over to you.

Despite the grueling pain tormenting him, he stands and pulls you up with him. He scans your face, bruised and bleeding and sweaty with grime.

You feel him grab your hand, open it, then hold it tightly.

He waits for a moment, just a few seconds to take in the beauty in front of him.

It’s just so breathtaking he can’t help it.

He didn’t try to, but it was inevitable..

So he stands there.

Just for a moment.

A few seconds to admire the way your cheeks shine with tears, the way your sad smile spreads as you look at him, the way that even your dress that’s always filthy; only adds to your beauty.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, still holding your hand tightly.

Three little words are right on your tongue, ready to spill from your chapped lips, to assure him why it is okay, why you will gladly take his place.

But you don’t get the chance.

Before you can say it, you look down at what he’s placed in your hand.

A ring made entirely of grass.

Woven with careful fingers.

It’s bigger than yours was.

Realization strikes you too late.

He stands there, only for a few seconds, to admire the beauty in front of him.

Your eyes find his.

And everything is okay.

And he can love you.

“Jungkook-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence, not before he grips your arms and turns with you, then he’s shoving you out of the gate.

You land with a harsh smack on the ground, but you’re up again in a split second and running back to the entrance of Hell, screaming at the top of your lungs.

“Jungkook!! No, no no no no!!” You try to go back through, but it’s like an invisible wall is preventing you. You smash your fists against it as hard as you can, but it doesn’t budge. You can see forest on the other side, but you can’t see him or Lucifer there.

“Jungkook! Let! Me! In! Please don’t do this!!” You’re screaming and crying and pounding so hard that fresh blood drips down your knuckles.

But you don’t care.

“Don’t you dare do this to me again!!”

JK watches you scream and cry and pound against the gates of Hell, he watches you slide down to the ground and start digging frantically, trying to find a way back in.

He watches your guardian angel come and hold you, pulling you back from the gate and falling to the ground while hugging your sobbing figure.

The demon watches you shout at him in anger and denial, in confusion and betrayal.

He watches.

But he does not follow you.

___________________________

Lucifer smirks wickedly, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

“You never learn, do you? Not in that life and not in this one.”

JK doesn’t respond as he watches you scream at the top of your lungs, tears pouring down your cheeks. He forces his eyes to leave and fall to the ground.

“You could’ve been free, and yet you chose to stay.”

JK stays silent, but his eyes lift to meet the demon’s in front of him.

Lucifer grins maniacally, “Want to see what you missed out on? Since you’re so fucking obsessed with torturing yourself in love. You don’t even love her, you don’t remember her.”

The prince of Hell sees the internal struggle in his slave’s eyes, smile widening when he feels the resolve crumble.

He wants to know, despite the eternal pain it will cause.

He deserves it.

“Don’t worry, by the end you’ll be tortured enough to satisfy your addiction to agony.”

The smoke and the fire and the wails of the desperate fade away.

There’s soft grass underneath him as he wakes sleepily from a nap.

The warm sun caresses his skin.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

Jungkook lifts his head to see a small child running full speed ahead through the field, giggles spilling from her lips and her long dark hair flying around haphazardly.

“Daddy!” She shrieks again, little legs going as fast as they can, “Save me, save me!”

A laugh bursts from Jungkook’s lips when he sees you come out from the forest behind her, growling and laughing as you pretend to be a monster on the hunt.

The small girl, who is only just about five, flings herself into his open arms and squeals as he envelopes her safely into his lap.

“I’ve got you baby,” he whispers into her hair as he smiles, “You’re safe.”

You run up, laughing your head off along with them.

Jungkook looks at you tenderly, the love he has for his best friend only increasing the longer he does.

Your hair is a bit knotted from running with it down and your cheeks are tinted pink with exertion from chasing the little one through the forest. Your simple dress has mud smeared across it in several places and there are a few twigs in your hair that go unnoticed.

“Mommy!” Aera wiggles off her father’s lap and wraps her arms around your legs.

“Hi baby,” you coo and swoop her up into the air as if she weighs no more than a feather.

Jungkook smiles as he watches you dance around and giggle.

Aera is exactly like the two of you put together. Her sweet face resembles her father’s but her personality is all you. She wears a dress that looks like a mini version of yours, her bare feet dirty with mud and pansies stuck in her hair from your flower picking earlier.

It reminds him of the way you looked when he first met you.

His eyes burn with tears at how much he loves you both. It should be impossible to be filled with this much love and happiness.

“Can you push me on the swing, daddy?” Aera is running back to him and cupping his face with her tiny hands, “Please? Mommy said you will say yes to me always because I’m too cute.”

Jungkook laughs and glances at you hiding your smile.

“Mommy’s right,” he whispers before kissing her button nose. Then he stands up and scoops her into his arms-

The cursed howls of souls damned to Hell come rushing back, piercing his ear drums and making him wince.

He hadn’t realized that he fell to his knees again.

Tears drip down his cheeks and fall to the dirt, mixing in with the tears of the lost souls starting their journey here.

“That is what you missed…because of Him.”

JK chokes out a sob and puts a hand to his bleeding heart, the ache of loss worse than it’s ever been.

“You would’ve had everything, if He had really loved you. It’s a pity, really.”

The demon grieving in the grime and salty tears of fellow damned souls feels his heart break even more, then that nasty feeling of resentment and bitterness begins to swell.

“Granted, you were happy with her, this Apple girl, for a decent amount of time I suppose.”

JK says nothing, just continues to stare at the dirt where his tears fall.

“It never lasts though,” Lucifer muses, “Can’t imagine why humans crave it only to lose it in the end, to feel the grief ten times stronger than the love ever was.”

JK glances back to see you sobbing into your hands, wrapped in the arms of your guardian angel, blood and bruises littering your skin.

“Look at that,” Lucifer tuts with mock pity, “That’s what love makes of humans. Nothing but misery. You had her, and you lost her.”

JK stares at you, watching you grieve for him in a way he had long forgotten how to relate to.

“Tell me, Jungkook,” Lucifer whispers, leaning down, “Was it ever worth it?”

He sees you lying in the field, your fingertips alight with the sun, a bird song falling from your lips. The smile on your face that he got to witness.

Just for a moment.

A single tear falls from his eye, sliding down his dirty cheek and falling to the ground as he looks at you.

Jungkook’s voice is broken, weak with the pain of loss, but the Devil hears him anyway.

“Yes.”

________________________________

Imelda holds you closely, keeping you together. If she wasn’t there you would be falling apart, scattered on the ground like leaves that have fallen from their tree.

Gut-wrenching sobs are ripped from you as you look at the gate to Hell, seeing nothing but the empty forest on the other side.

“Why?!” You scream at the top of your lungs, another round of sobbing rendering you incapable of saying anything more.

Nehemiah is there as well, crouched on the ground and crying into his hands, his baby blue wings shaking with each breath.

You grab Imelda’s hand and hold it to your chest, holding on for dear life.

You cannot handle this grief, you cannot handle it.

“I was g-going to s-save him,” you sob between choked breaths, “I was going to give my life for him!!”

A warm breeze sweeps over the three of you and your next sob gets stuck in your throat.

Then a soothing voice filled with a regalness beyond compare speaks, trembling the burnt trees around you and causing the rocks to quiver where they lay.

You can no longer see the forest. Now there is only a hill in front of you, the silhouette of a cross against the golden sunset.

“I already did.”

The ground quakes and you see a large statue depicting Lucifer in front of the second and seventh circles trembling before crumbling down until there is nothing left but rubble.

You gasp, grabbing your chest and trying to breathe.

You’re back by the gate.

Watery gaze locking back on the invisible boundary, your heart leaps to your throat when you see a hand come out and grab onto the dirt, fingers digging into it as they try to pull themselves out.

Nehemiah is up and running before you can even register what’s happening.

The blue angel grabs the boy’s hand, holding on tight before pulling as hard as he can, a broken scream bursting from his lips at the effort.

You watch in disbelief as the guardian angel drags his beloved human, your best friend in the entire world, out of the gates of Hell.

_______________________________________________

After much deliberation: an Epilogue will be posted tomorrow.

a/n: thank you so much for everything you guys, you mean the world to me. This has been one hell of a ride (no pun intended) Don't kill me pls, again, there will be an epilogue tomorrow for those of you with weak hearts 💕 ur welcome

#jeon jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook demon au #jungkook smut #bts fluff #bts #bts reactions #bts angst #bts jungkook #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #bts demon au #demon!jk #demon!jungkook #bts smut

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l0velylecter · 1 year

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hiii just came across your site and your hcs of the cod men are so fucking amazing!!! i was wondering if you could do a part 2 of the size difference imagine w/ the other cod men characters? but only if you're not busy!! thnxx

— the men of cod : mw ii with a tiny s/o [vol.ii ] characters : captain john price, phillip graves, kyle ‘gaz’ garrick, rodolfo parra fandom : call of duty modern warfare ii tags : gn!reader, headcanons additional warnings : size kink, manhandling, explicit descriptions of sex ( not me writing this on christmas eve LOL it feels illegal ) rating : e for explicit, nsfw!

01| His breath ghosted against your nape, the invisible hair standing up, begging to be pet. Price's chuckle reverberated down your spine, pricking the skin with goosebumps as his beard scratched the surface. With his size, he could easily have you bent over his knee, four fingers sinking into your body to spread you wide. He never gets tired of seeing you like this, disheveled and writhing just from his hands, struggling to adjust to the size. And when you'd try to grind yourself down the hilt, he'll firmly still your hips ( even if his own self-control is on the brink of collapsing.) — Patience, love. I need to be thorough with you.

02| As much as you enjoy standing up to Graves, sometimes, there's something in submitting yourself to him that feels downright euphoric. And Graves is more than happy to manhandle and fuck you into a mating pres. With your size, he's obsessed with how easy it was to get you into this position: ankles on either side of his shoulders as he drives his cock into your quivering hole. Your body was coiled tight, the pleasure so intense it was painful, tears pricking your eyes and running down your neck, which only turned him on even more. His body curved and bowed, hips pressed hard against you, arms below your body, and hands gripping your shoulders. And when he comes, hot spurts of cum spilling, dripping down your stomach, he kissed your leg. Teeth latching on to skin as he groans desperately — Fuck, fuck, fuck, baby you're so tight, so good, so wet for me. Do you like that baby? I know you do. I know you can take it. You're a good girl. 03| The heat was blooming against your abdomen, seizing your body into a spasm as Gaz pushed your legs apart to push himself deeper — hands, firm and steady against your hips to maneuver you however he wanted. He had you against the couch, the wall, the kitchen counter, and now atop the bed. And you enjoy being overpowered and pinned against any surface for him to take, to please. Even after preparing you, he still needed to be careful, arms on either side of your face to not crush you. You shuddered, feeling your stomach bulge, his cock pulsing inside. He pats your thighs in encouragement, thumb stroking you down your high as you come undone — That's it, babe. I got you. I got you. 04| You never expected this from your sweet Rodolfo. And how can you deny him when he had asked you so kindly? Even on his knees, with you sitting across him, he still reached your eye level, your hand absentmindedly smoothing down his arms to feel the muscle. He was so careful with you that you sometimes forgot how big he was. As you tried to sink onto his cock, his hands eased you down the hilt, head lightly hitting the headboard when you started rocking back and forth: fingers digging into his broad shoulders. Even when he was setting the pace, handling you like a doll, a toy, he was still gentle, only roughly pulling you down to push you to finish — Gracias, mi corazón. Thank you.

a/n : anon thank you so much for requesting ( and your sweet compliment ) ! i had so much fun writing this hahaha it’s been a while since i wrote something so steamy 🙈 i hope this lives up to your expectations + happy holidays <3

imagine the men of cod : mw ii & size difference [ vol i ]

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writeslikeanaria · 3 months

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we need literally ANYTHING with sejanus plinth pls 🙏🙏🙏

but if you actually need ideas, maybe something with sej being pissed/angry bc of people at the academy, and taking it out on reader (by fucking her) so like kindly mean, angry, cocky sejanus, not necessarily degrading and with some sweet aftercare at the end? <3

sejanus plinth was normally a sweetheart. (18+ smut)

(requests are open)

kind, doting, and a gentleman, always holding your hand with the upmost care. whether it be with one hand behind your back, carefully guiding you through the winding, busy halls of the academy, or enclosed with yours as you lay on your back, legs spread wide for him as he makes love to you with the softest smile.

he was so passive. never finding himself angered or frustrated with anything to do with you. you were his angel, his shining star, his beautiful doll.

which is why when the rumours started about you and him, sejanus didn’t know how to control what he was feeling. it started with a couple a heated kisses in the library, where your back was pressed against the shelves, sej’s hand caressing your side. his lips slotted together perfectly with yours, passion brewing with every swipe of his tongue against yours. in his mind, it was innocent.

according to the people that saw, it was anything but.

sej was getting sick of what his classmate spoke about you behind your back.

“desperate capital slut.”

“whore for the pathetic district boy.”

“loose, deranged harlot.”

sejanus was so confused with the negative feelings building within him. the urge to punch a hole deep within the white, plastered walls. the need to grab someone by their throat and throw them against the ground. his wrath was overwhelming.

and it was all because of you. perfect, innocent you. you had no idea what your snide classmates were gossiping about behind your back, sallowing your good name, and rewriting your reputation with disgusting, cruel comments, that were just untrue.

it’s why sejanus felt the need to take this out on you.

back home, in the quiet privacy of your own bedroom, dressed to the nines in dainty, pink ribbons and lace piled up the walls, sejanus didn’t make love to you like usual.

your school skirt was still on your body, just flipped upwards, panties moved to the side, as sejanus mouthed at your innocent cunt. you were bent over your vanity, pressed down so hard your breasts were spilling out of their bra cups, and wriggling around with more pleasure than you had ever felt.

sej’s expert tongue was working wonders on you. curling deep inside, he lapped like a mutt at your puffy lips, trying to get his fix on as much of your juices as possible. sweated beaded along his forehead, dampening his soft, brune curls, but he could not care less, as he nose smelt the sweetness of your pussy.

he pulled back and spat against your cunt, watching as you recoiled with a high pitched moan, back arching off the table in the most delectable way. “yeah, you like that?”

you mewled pathetically, words barely able to escape your lips, bruised from the fervent kissing that started this escapade. “yes– so good, sej.”

sejanus smirked, standing up from behind you, and pulling his pants down, revealing his hardened, straining cock. “it’s going to get even better, i promise.” you couldn’t see it, but you could feel it, the thick girth pressed against your thigh.

“need it, need it so bad.” you whined, scratching at your vanity with a zealous need. “please, i want you now.”

he didn’t even have to ask you to beg, your needy self being taken over with an eager little whore. sej laughed to himself in his mind, his thoughts trailing to what his cruel classmates would say about you if they saw you now.

but sejanus had better things to do. pressing his length inside, he wrapped one arm around you hip, to rub tight circles on your throbbing clit, and another hand leaned over to your throat, not exactly choking you, but holding you still as he started pounding against you, watching as all your trinkets shook with the power of his thrusts.

you were moaning uncontrollably, totally unaware of the fact that anyone else in this house could hear you. your sense were alight with pleasure, your feeling of pure bliss building with every thrust. you were obsessed with the way sejanus was fucking you, completely new, exceedingly welcome. you reached your hand behind you and latched onto sejanus’ curls, pulling him in closer.

“faster, sej–” you moaned at a particularly rough thrust. “faster.”

“this is exactly what you needed, isn’t it?” sejanus’ ego was being inflated by every sound, every groan, every sound of pleasure you made. he had no idea he could even make you feel like this. “just needed the rougher treatment. just needed to be bent over a used.”

you cried out at his words. “yes!” your cunt clenched around his, orgasm building as his fingers rubbed faster at your pulsing pearl. “needed it so bad, thank you, thank you—”

you were cut off by the blinding light of your orgasm, washing over you like a crashing wave, not used to the most overpowering feeling. your cunt was so tightly clenched around sej’s cock that he released at the same time as you, filling you up completely with his spurts of cum, sighing as he laid down against your back.

after you had both come down from your highs, you started whining at the overstimulation, and sejanus got the message, slowing pulling out of your weeping cunt, and relishing at the thick drops of release oozing out. he chuckled to him, scooping the falling liquid into his fingers and pushing back inside.

“stay right there.” he leaned over to your ear, pressing kisses to your neck. you sighed, slumping against the floor as sejanus ran into the bathroom, emerging seconds later with a damp cloth.

cleaning you up was much softer than the previous activities. sej had you between his legs, wiping at all the cum and sweated that accumulated on your skin, whispering nothing but gentle compliments and apologises.

you giggled sweetly. “don’t apologise, i loved it.” you paused though, thinking of how to say the right thing next. “sej… are you okay?”

sejanus’ hands paused as his breathing stopped for a short moment. after a thought, he leant down, taking your head in his hand and turning it towards his face, pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“i am now.”

—

thank you for requesting ! first time writing for my good boy sejanus. sweet boy. love that guy.

#ariadne writes #sejanus plinth #sejanus plinth smut #sejanus plinth x reader #sejanus plinth x you #sejanus plinth fluff #tbosas #fanfic

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 3 months

Note

*TW*

Hello!!! I absolutely love platonic yanderes with teenage reader so can I ask for a fic where the teen!reader is basically a traumatized being. They have experienced hell throughout their life from mental abuse to physical abuse. Like I mean, they have gotten in many dangerous situations which ended up with police involved (kidnapped, assaulted, murder attempt). Ofc the reader never really did anything wrong, they were just an innocent child till everything went downhill. They don't have any family members left leading them to stay at an orphanage. Anddd you could say the orphanage people aren't the nicest. And their mental health has become so fucked up that they had attempted suicide.

You don't have to do this if ur uncomfortable ofc. Sorry about how triggering the request might be

On the roof

Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Cast x GN! Teen! Traumatized! Reader

Description: You are on the rooftop in the middle of the night.

Trigger warning: Suicide attempt. Abuse. Child abuse. Kidnapping. Assault. Attempted murder.

List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.

Warning: One swear word. English is my second language.

__________________________________

You silently opened the door, that leads to the roof of an orphanage. With your phone in hand, you take a few steps forward.

The door closed behind you.

You just stand here. You were silent.

You were here. You wanted to end this.

You sighed and looked around.

Should you just... Go to the edge and jump? It's not like someone would care about you.

You didn't bother with the last note.

No one would care about the reason.

You will simply become a name in documents.

You just wanted to be heard.

You mindlessly looked at your phone.

Should you take it with you?

Or left it here, so someone else would use it?

Your gaze stopped at the "BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan" icon. Will the new owner delete it? Or will continue your progress?

You tapped on the icon. You didn't leave a note.

Yet, you "talked" to BSD Characters so often, that it seems right, to let them hear your last words.

Your reasons.

You opened the Main Menu and choose 'Meeting Hall' option.

The picture of ADA Office appeared. And Chibis of all BSD Characters appeared.

This new option was cute. You liked petting chibis.

All chibis 'looked' at you.

And you finally spoke.

"Mom was strange..."

________

Your mom was strange.

She smelled funny. Like water everyone told you not to drink.

Sometimes, she stared at you. Stared for a long time.

And there were rules.

1. Don't cry.

2. Don't annoy mom.

3. You eat last.

4. If you stayed past curfew, you will sleep outside.

5. Don't tell anyone about your home life.

At least, she let you play outside as much as you want. Mom liked, when you were away from home.

*******

You were five, when you got kidnapped.

That night, you wake up to get some water.

Mom saw you.

In her eyes, you broke a rule.

You were sleeping outside.

One moment you were trying to get comfortable under the porch.

Next moment a man in a mask was dragging you in a van.

Three days.

You were in a dark, scary place for three days.

On a third day you heard two men talking.

"What do you mean, that mother didn't realize, that kid were missing?!"

_____

"Still... Mom paid the ransom. Kidnappers left me. It takes three more days for police to find me..."

____

You were standing near a police officer. And your mom finally arrived to the police station to collect you.

You walked to her, your head was low.

She hit you.

You screamed.

You collapsed on the floor, and your mother bent over you. She hissed and pushed you in the side with her feet.

"Are you satisfied, brat? Get up and go pack your belongings, we’re moving to a shed."

"You should treat your kid more kindly..." the officer grumbled. Your mother squealed.

"Kindly?! This brat had ruined my whole life!” Your mom was mad. She screamed like a fury, jumped in place and gave cowering you blow after blow. You didn’t try to dodge. You just trembled, curled up into a ball.

"Hubby ran away as soon as he gets it inside me! But dear relatives didn’t let me throw it away. They didn’t let me give it to an orphanage! They said that I need to raise this child! They stood up for a little bastard! But now, when I need to pay debt, they are nowhere to be found! They say I play cards too much! I'm just unlucky! Things are not going my way! The house is mortgaged! I poured all my savings into the last card game and won! I would pay off all my debts! And because of this thing, I now have to live in a shed! What will I tell my family now?! What will others say about me?!"

Officer heard enough.

The CPS were called.

_______

"... They were trying to find my father... Until then, grandmother and grandfather agreed to took me in..."

_______

You were six.

Your grandfather sat on the opposite side of the table.

Your textbook and notebook were laying on the table before you.

And your grandfather was talking.

"I finished checking your homework. As I expected, you are a little idiot. A stupid, worthless waste of space. You have made few stupid mistakes. You wrote numbers in a wrong order.

Grandfather opened your notebook. A red paste was covering the page.

2 + 1 = 3 1 + 2 = 3

3 + 1 = 4. 1 + 3 = 4

"So..." Grandfather take a ruler.

"Give me your hand. It will be ten hits for every wrong number."

________

"...it took two year to find my father. He had a family. And I... I was a child from affair. They never let me live it down... For years"

_______

You were nine.

The blow, when it came, took all of your air out of your lungs. You would have fallen if not for your two... "siblings" holding you.

"It feels good, giving a good beating to a dirtbag, right?"

The next hit was in your left eye. You managed to close it in time.

But it will be swollen.

You felt hot breath on your face.

"Your hair is too good for a bastard child."

Your sister brought the scissors up to your hair.

Snip, snip, snip. Cutting right alongside the scalp, sending your hair like leaves swirling to the ground.

Then scissors were plunged into your stomach.

"Die, child of a dirty whore."

______

"...Police was called. They were arrested. But I remained with father and his wife..."

_____

You were twelve.

You were going food shopping. Big bags were heavy, you were tried.

You still need to clean up the house and make dinner.

When you were attacked, because someone tied to rob you, you didn't even care.

You only knew, that, you will be beaten again for being late. And for losing food.

You were long past gone. There were no point in carrying about yourself.

~~~~~~

You were thirteen.

Your father, his wife and you were going to the funeral.

Your father's uncle died.

Now he only has his wife and kids. And you.

He noticed your gaze in a reflection.

He yelled at you for staring.

And he crashed.

You spent three hours in a broken car.

You were the only survivor.

_______

"... I was sent to an orphanage. I am too old to have any chance to be adopted. And I wasn't the only one, who had no chance to have a family..."

______

You tasted dirt and blood. An old rug was thrown over your head, to make it harder for you to fight back.

Someone pressed a knee on the back of your neck and held your face against the ground.

A kick in the side made you roll on your back.

Another person began to push down on your neck with an arm.

You began to struggle, thrashing about with your legs and beating them against the floor, but it was no good.

There were other kids around—at least a dozen of them. One of them would do something. One of them was sure to see that things were taking too far. Your vision began to go fuzzy.

Caretakers saved you only because the noise didn't let them watch TV.

________

"I couldn't take it anymore. I... thank you... Thank you for making me happy... For being the only happy thing in my life."

You finished talking and put your phone on the ground. You stand up and walked towards the edge.

You heard a loud noise. You turned around.

BSD Characters were standing behind you. Real.

And you were still standing near the edge. You were silent. Nikolai lift his overcoat and put his hand into the portal.

His head reappeared near you. You jumped away. Now you were even closer to the edge.

"No... I... I don't want to... Don't come closer..." whispered you. You took another step. You were almost here.

"[Y/N], if you go back, I will give you a hug!"

You froze and turned around.

Kenji Miyazawa made a step forward. He opened his arms, offering a hug.

"I promise, I will give you a hug. Come here... You really need a hug."

You trembled. You moved towards Kenji.

Step. After step. After step.

Kenji was standing here. Offering a hug.

You launched yourself forward, wrapping your arms around Kenji. He immediately hugged you back.

You cried. For the first time in years.

In a few minutes, you were in a middle of a large group hug.

________

You are fifteen.

You are living with your family.

You still have a long path to recovery.

And you are not alone.

BSD Cast will stay with you.

And will make sure, that you will never be hurt again.

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #platonic #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: child abuse #tw: abuse #tw: kidnapping #tw: attempted murder

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carolmunson · 11 months

Text

18+ minors dni inspired by this drabble that's making the rounds

so let's switch it up. thinking about cheating on your boyfriend eddie munson who does nothing but be sweet on you. takes you to all the weird art exhibits you like, tells you how beautiful you are even when you just got out of the shower and there's mascara under your eyes. gives you kisses on the forehead while you wait in line for tickets to the movies or getting coffee. and god those hands when he play guitar, watching his fingers vibrate over the strings. if only he'd use them on you, if only he'd play you like that. if only he'd wrap them around your throat -- but he hasn't felt ready yet -- and that's fine. so every time eddie drops you off for your shift at family video, steve greets him so kindly that he'd never suspect the bitterness bubbling underneath the 'hey munson, how are you?' every time they cross paths. i mean, of course your manager would be a nice guy, right? it has nothing to do with steve feeling like he lost to eddie when you came in one night with heart eyes after a date. and it's not like steve even made the moves on you to begin with, you'd never said anything before. so eddie smiles and waves, 'i'm good harrington, thanks.' before driving off. steve harrington never loses.

"you know how to get those points up on your review, honey," he says in a low voice, hand smoothing up your back where he has you bent over his desk, "say it." your face burns, feeling his hand crack down hard against your fleshy hip. it's all you can hear now that the store is closed and the lights are off. the only source in the store being the line of light under the door of steve's office. "mm!" you yelp out, jumping at the smack but keening into it. your back arches a little deeper, you hear a low grumble of a chuckle. "please fuck me." "god i love it when you beg," he giggles low in his chest, you can feel him push your panties to the side and spread you apart from behind. drilling the spongey head in without much prep at all. if you want that raise, you'll accomdate to him. "missed this pussy last week," he grunts, "shouldn't have approved that pto." the slick sounds coming from between you make you shiver. his hands come to your waist for leverage -- he doesn't start slow. he wants you to feel this. he does every time.

"so what'd you do, hm?" he asks, reaching up and running a hand gently over your hair while he other grips you so hard you might bruise, "bet you were such a good girl with your sweet boyfriend, huh?" "y-yeah," you whine, forehead falling down to your forearms where they rest on the desk, "please harder, oh my god." "sooo filthy," he laughs, "such a dirty pretty whore when you're with me though, right? mmmshit -- not that nice girl in his car?" "mhm!" you yelp when he picks up the pace. the slap, slap, slap of his hips slamming against your eyes making you drool while the head of his cock bullies your cervix, "so dirty -- oh god, yes -- so dirty for you steve." he chuckles breathlessly, pulling you up to standing and pulling out. he directs you, he always does. tugging off your panties and easing you onto his desk so the top of your back is against the wall. he looms over you. "say that again," he demands, looking at you down the slope of his nose. he pushes back into you with force, one big hand on the outside of your thigh to keep you steady. the other encompassing your neck and jaw so you can't look away, "say it again." "m's-so d-dirty for you," you moan out in punched breaths.

"no, baby, say it again -- say it all," he huffs out with a smirk, lips close to the edge of yours, "say my name." at name he plunges in deep, holding himself inside and working his hips in a deliciously slow rhythm. "oh my god, steeeeve," you groan, eyes rolling to the back of your head. "thaaaat's it," he encourages, "say my name, nice and loud. that's who makes you cum, isn't it?" "yes steve, oh! there! there! just like that!" you shudder out while he keeps this deep angle, speeding up enough to make the desk shake. his hand dips down to slide around your throat and you get dizzy. "who makes you feel like me, hm?" he coaxes you onward, "who's making you cum?" "you are, oh fuck steve!" you nearly scream. your fingers trail down between you to tease yourself while his thrusts continue on, relentless. "ooh, desperate little bitch, aren't you?" he smirks, leaning in to kiss you hungrily, nipping at your lower lip, "why, you got somewhere to be?" you shake your head no, whimpering. "’cause i can do this all night," he huffs, grunting while he readjusts your thigh to get deeper. you moan up to the ceiling while your fingers speed up in swirls over your clit, eyes clamped down tight. you feel steves breath in your ear when he replaces your fingers with his thumb, "does he touch you like this?"

you don't reply, too lost in the pleasure building up in your belly to focus, "i d...unh..." "i know he doesn't," he smirks, pulling you down so you're flat on your back on the desk. he can feel how close you are, wanting to hold you off a little longer -- he puts his hand back around your neck with finesse, "that fuckin' virgin wouldn't know the first thing about this pussy." "but i do, don't i?" he asks, hazel eyes boring right into yours, perfect smile grinning down at you while you writhe under him. king steve. "yes, stevie," you rasp, closer, and closer, and closer, “s’yours.” “fuck,” he grunts, “that’s right.” he slams into you with abandon, chasing his pleasure with every thrust while his grip gets tighter around your throat. “you gonna go home and tell eddie what a whore you are for me?” he asks, brows furrowing while breathe puffs from his nostrils, “you gonna tell him what a pretty slut you are?” you cry out, the pleasure building right to the precipice. “you’re not, huh,” he huffs, “cause it’s just for me, isn’t it?” he laughs while your moans get higher and shorter, “c’mon honey, say it.” “just for you, oh shit, shiti’mcumming,” you say, delirious while you feel your orgasm wash over you, “j-just for you steve.” “good girl,” he coos, the softest he’s spoken to you since he got you in the office. he spills over onto your stomach beneath your skirt, making sure to rub it in. he never lets you wash it off at the store, “let’s get you home, hm? i’ll add those points to your review.”

you get to eddie’s after steve drops you off, exhausted but glowing, basking in the relaxation of an orgasm well pulled out of you. eddie beams with his shining brown eyes while he comes to greet you, peppering kisses all over your face, "hi pretty girl." “looks like you had a good shift, sweetheart,” he smiles, “how’d your review go? did you get a raise?” “oh yeah,” you smile, “really good one, too.” “you really deserve it, babe. you work so hard,” he mumbles sweetly, a chaste kiss planted to your forehead, “i’m really proud of you.”

#steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfiction #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #stranger things fanfction

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pupyuj · 6 months

Note

I came here to ask for some Yujin thoughts bestie❤ So how about soccer player G!P Yujin (Because cock yes) being a massive pervert and having the biggest crush on popular girl reader. Reader is dating someone on Yujin's team that Yujin isn't close with and she just can't help but jerk off and then fucking the reader.

ah, it's my favorite fellow casual yujin enjoyer 🥺

it's really not yujin's fault that you're gorgeous, okay??? the first time you visited the soccer field to visit your boo, you were wearing an outfit that accentuated your curves so good that yujin had to run to the locker rooms bcs she got a terrible boner🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ever since then, she has had this massive crush on you and no matter what she did, she couldn't get over it! not with how you smiled at her in the hallways, or how you would sometimes wave at her during practices and games, or how you discreetly send her a wink or two from time to time 😵‍💫 it was dangerous, it was wrong, and it was not like yujin at all but.. really though, nobody can blame her 🤭🤭

as horny as she was for you, yujin would never let anybody catch her jacking off to you in school! she would be in the safety of her own home, in her room, where she sat on her bed and furiously pumped her hand in and our of her cock,, the memory of your thighs and the slightest bit of your ass cheeks that showed due to the short skirt you were wearing that day stuck in her pervy little head,, she would look so cute too... she just finished studying and wanted to tuck in for night so ofc she would wear her favorite hoodie but fuck she just had to remember you and now here she was, in her loser fit jerking off to her team member's girlfriend 😩

she even moans your name sometimes... and it's probably one of the many things you have that she thinks is pretty! likes to imagine you sucking her off messily, or taking her thick cock in your ass to push herself over the edge 😵‍💫 baby grabbing the sheets and coming all over her blankets :((( probably gets wet dreams of you too!! wakes up all hard in the morning and jacks off once again in the showers.. she's very much obsessed 🥺💕

yujinnie nearly getting a heart attack when she sees you in the locker rooms after practice, half bent over the sink while you touched up your makeup,, fuck she was getting hard at the sight of your skirt bunching up a bit while you leaned over,, "hi, yuj. think you can help me here? i have a date." and ofc yujin doesn't hesitate and immediately comes to your aid... and she looked so cute! hair up, a bit sweaty from practice so her shirt stuck to her skin and showed you the faint outline of her abs, and fuck... that tent in her pants... that huge fucking dick she could never hide even when she tried 😋😋

holding your hair up and asking yujin to kindly assist you in putting it around your neck 🥺 her shaky hands working around you to successfully lock the beautiful necklace behind you. yujinnie making sure the pendant lays on your collarbone and accidentally brushes her hand against your boob, which of course got you smirking bcs god.. how adorable. "do i look pretty, yujin?" to which of course yujin pathetically nodded her head to bcs what else was she going to say?

taking her hands and putting them on your boobs,, you were surprised at how she didn't even hesitate to fight her urges bcs she immediately squeezed and pressed her hard cock against you, even lifting your skirt up just to see how perfect your ass looks on her dick... slipping one of her hands inside your panties and moaning at the feeling of your wet folds?? so pathetic, you could feel her precum leaking through her shorts 😵‍💫 "what're you waiting for, yujin? fuck me. i have a date." you said again and yujin doesn't wait another second before she spins you around,, as much as you'd love to make out with yujin until her head was spinning, you didn't want to mess up your makeup and risk getting found out..

instead, you grabbed yujin shirt and started kissing up her neck, leaving lipstick marks, hickeys, driving her insane once you found all the spots that only made her dick harder.. licking up her sweat, making sure your tongue runs along her jawline.. feeling her sticky abs underneath her shirt—god she was so hot.. how you fucking wished she could pound you every night 😵‍💫😵‍💫

yujinnie lifting you you up, your lower back against the sink, arms on top of the counter to support yourself while she raised your legs over her shoulders and fucked your tight cunt 😩 both of you having the hardest time not to make any sounds just in case anybody was lingering nearby but yujin was too fast, too deep inside, and feels too fucking good that you didn't even bother anymore after a few minutes... her being so turned on at the sight of her big cock disappearing inside your little pussy, somehow managing to sneak a hand between your legs and rub your swollen clit, practically making you scream and lock your legs around her neck...

"mhm.. bet you're such a fucking perv that y-you've thought about this exact situation a lot, huh? a-ah, fuck...! t-that's—shit—that's okay... you're so fucking cute."

"such a bad teammate... fucking one of your buddies' girlfriend.. what would they say if they knew, hm? y-you—"

"please, shut up." yujin gripping your thighs harder and somehow quickening her pace. moans freely escaping her lips, she just couldn't help it :((( pushing her cock deep inside you as she came, rope after rope of cum spilling inside your wills and filling you up like your partner never could?? you fucking knew cheating was worth it, especially if it was for someone as good as yujin 🫣🤨

yujinnie letting her cock sit inside you for a while bcs it just fit so perfectly in there :((( plus, you felt warm, and she liked the way you brushed your fingers through her hair,, "next time, you're taking me home." you whispered, almost laughing when you felt her cock get hard again bcs the thought truly had her mind reeling 😩

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theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction · 1 year

Text

Imagine asking Zuko to take part in an Earth Kingdom game…

One of the young boys tugged on the fabric of your robe. The attention didn’t go unnoticed as you had just finished pouring a cup of tea for a customer. The guest smiled a pleasant thank you before leaving you to turn to your small friend.

“Hi, Yun.” You chuckled when his tugs quickened for urgency. “What mischief are you up to today?”

“Will you play Rock Ball with me? My friend Baso was supposed to be on my team but he got sick.” The boy requested kindly. He was filled with such hope, learning to trust you so quickly in the short time that you were present.

You wanted to say yes in a heartbeat but the clattering of tea cups reminded you of reality.

“I’d love to but I promised Mr Mushi that I’d help here tonight.”

Yun sighed and looked at the ground, kicking a pebble sadly. The expression of heartbreak tore you in half. It was like upsetting Aang - something that you never wanted to do.

Bending down, you set the tea tray on the ground for a few moments. You raised a hand to sit below Yun’s chin and brought him to look at you.

“Hey. I might not be able to play with you but I’ll ask Lee.” You offered.

The young boy lit up brighter than any fire bending. “Really? You’ll ask your boyfriend?” He asked.

“He’s not my-” Yun wrapped his arms around you and gave the biggest hug. The argument fell flat and you returned the warm embrace.

“Of course, I’ll ask him.”

Later that evening, table service had gone quiet and you presented the offer to the disguised prince.

“Absolutely not.” Zuko refused, pulling off his apron and hanging it on the hook behind the door.

You followed him closely as he walked around the room. “Why not?”

Pausing his steps, the young man turned. “Because I don’t want to play ‘rocks’ with a bunch of a kids.”

“Zuko, he’s been practicing really hard to prove to his father that he has what it takes to join the Earth Kingdom team.” You explained. “I figured that you’d be a good influence on him.”

Zuko turned away and headed for his room. “You thought wrong.”

You were restless that night. Tossing and turning as you wondered how you would crush the spirit of a young child. No conclusion was reached as you slipped into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Zuko avoided you no more than usual. Iroh noticed an odd friction but said nothing for the moment. You wore the apron and picked up your lucky tray. Stepping out from behind the counter, you started taking orders for the long day.

It was pleasant with regular customers stopping by and making wonderful conversation with yourself and Iroh while Zuko remained silent. As the sun set, you approached the tables by the windowsill and began to pour some fragrant jasmine tea into the cups when there were gentle tugs once again.

“Y/n.” Yun’s voice chimed happily. “Is Lee coming?”

You took in a deep breath and turned to the young boy. You were going to be quick with the bad news.

“Listen Yun, Lee’s not-”

“I’m here.” Zuko interrupted and walked over to where you both stood.

Yun was ecstatic, his smile turning into a grin. Your eyes widened at the surprise. He had been so adamant last night about not going that you wondered what changed his mind.

The young boy hugged the disguised prince and bounced on the spot excitedly. Zuko chuckled at the affection and noticed that you hadn’t stopped watching him with admiration.

“Y/n, do we get good luck kisses?” Yun asked curiously.

Your attention refocused on the boy and you bent down to press a soft kiss on his forehead. He laughed happily and pointed to Zuko.

“Lee, next!”

Zuko’s felt his heart race and cleared his throat. “That’s not necessary.” He started but was quickly stopped when you lifted you hand to his face and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

Masterlist here

#theladyofmanyfandoms #theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction #gif is not mine #zuko x reader #zuko imagine #atla imagine #atla x reader #avatar the last airbender imagine #avatar the last airbender x reader

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gglitch1dd · 2 years

Text

Day 5: Mr Snake

Naga Bakugou x Human AFAB Reader

They always told you to stay out of the forest. Sometimes the snakes there were bigger than you thought they were.

Words: 7,3k. NSFW Warning. SMUT. Blood. Biting. Breeding Kink for Mr Snake-boi. Venom. Tranquilizers. DUBIOUS CONSENT. Katsuki is an Albino Copperhead Naga

You looked down at your map to try and find the camping site that was recommended on the brochure. You were on a camping trip, albeit it being a one-man camping trip, but you were still going to make it a good one. Initially it was supposed to be you and a group of colleagues camping but emergencies kept on popping up one by one and soon you found yourself alone on a trail in the forest trying to find the camp site that was suggested.

You had never done this by yourself before, and it was all the more exhilarating to do it knowing that you were going to survive this all on your own. Not like you had plans not to survive, but your intrusive thoughts kept telling you that this was the start of your horror story documentary on Netflix.

You heard the sound of an engine not to far away. It was actually really close. You stopped on your path and raised an eyebrow as you looked around for the source of the sound. You scratched your head over your hat as you thought you were going mad.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY!”

Just in nick of time, you stumbled back onto the ground just as a quad bike went zipping into the air nearby you and landed on the ground with a loud thud. You looked up with wide eyes as another one shortly followed it, but the driver of this one skidded to a stop.

“Oh my goodness, are you alright?” You looked up as a man hopped off his quadbike and crouched down offering a hand. “Don’t worry, I am here.” You looked up, lifting a hand to block the sun trying to see who it was.

“Jesus?”

You heard a laugh come from the man. “Last time I checked, Jesus isn’t Asian but I’m sorry to disappoint you.” As you took his large hand, you were pulled up to meet the green sparkling eyes of a ranger. He had a green hat on his head that matched with his dark green curls and undercut. He smiled down at you kindly as his gaze locked on yours, matching green eyes to go with his hair. A broad grin, accompanied with dimples, went to his freckled face as he helped you up to your feet. He tilted his hat down to you, his eyes never leaving you. “Midoriya Izuku, forest ranger.”

“Uh...” You blinked up at him for a moment. “Y/N. Civilian.”

He laughed at that. He observantly noticed your camping supplies and the map that was previously in your hands. He bent down to pick it up for you. “Are you going camping?” He asked as he looked over where you had circled to go to. You nodded with an affirmative sound. “By yourself?” He asked concerned as he stood up to full height.

“It’s alright.” You tapped your bicep to make a show of your non-existent muscles. “I’m a big person. I’ve got this.” You stood proudly with a determined look on your face.

For a moment, Midoriya thought you looked like a little Animal Crossing character, with the stars in your eyes. He chuckled at that, handing you back your map. “Alright then, big person. You show the forest what you got.” He nodded his head, looking you up and down so subtly you didn’t notice. “Just go straight to the camp site, and stay on the path, we have a...” He hesitated with a sort of annoyed look on his face. He looked away from you into the forest with a sort of glare. “Snake... problem in these woods.” He turned his attention back to you, his kind smile back on his face in a way that you barely remembered the hostility at all. “Just be safe.”

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Mr Midoriya.” You stated with a nod to your head.

He opened his mouth to speak. “DEKU!” He turned around to see his comrade on her quadbike, looking at him. She had her brown thick hair tied up behind her head as she looked at him in urgency. She stood up on her bike, straight, revealing to you a perfect hourglass figure. “Lets go!” She told him, motioning behind her, where she had come back from, noticing that he hadn’t followed her.

“Alright!” He shouted over at her. It was then you noticed that he had a name tag that said the name ‘Deku’ on it.

It was then that he took a small jog to his bike. “Deku?” He turned back to look at you. You looked at him inquiringly.

He chuckled. “Ranger nickname.” He informed you. He motioned to his comrade. “That’s Uravity.” He told you. “Remember to stay on the path. Don’t go looking for trouble when the heroes aren’t there.” He warned you. With a final rev of his engine, he went driving off, Uravity following him in the trail of the dust he left behind.

For a moment you did nothing. Then you smiled diabolically “What a nice cutie pie.” You state to yourself as you kept on walking.

Sadly, for you, the words of Midoriya might have just been words to fall on deaf ears as you quite literally got lost. You were now in the dark forest with your phone as a flashlight, looking around for the path again. You were getting worried and anxious. It was dark, really dark, and what wasn’t helping was the fact that you were all alone with no signal and had no other way to contact Mr Nice-cutie-pie ranger for help.

You grumbled to yourself as you looked around the woods. “Argh... I should have just stayed at home.” You let out to yourself. Just as you did you heard a twig snap. You gasped and turned your entire body towards the sound. “Who’s there!” You called out into the dark, seemingly empty, forest.

You couldn’t see anything as you looked around. A chill went up your spine as anxiety full on settled into your body. You didn’t know what was about to happen but you prayed to the heavens that someone would take care of your cat. Your breathing increased as you started moving backwards. You then stopped as you heard a sound you didn’t want to hear.

The sounds of a snake. The long hiss of a snake that was much too loud for your liking. You tried to figure out where the sound was coming from, but it was seemingly coming from all sides of you. You tried not to freak out, the thought of multiple snakes starting to creep into your mind. You started to slowly back away from the area, hoping that one wasn’t behind you. Unfortunately for you, you stepped on something cylindrical.

You froze as you slowly looked down to see the thick tail of what looked like the pattern of a white and cream coloured (almost orange) copperhead. A big copperhead from the looks of it. Your face fell for a moment as you realised your luck.

“Fu-CK!” Your legs suddenly got wrapped and tangled in something and you were suddenly hoisted up into the air defenceless. You screamed as you were hanging upside down, your phone having fallen out of your hand to land on the ground with the flashlight facing downwards. You looked up to see what looked like thick moving coils wrapped around your legs. Your eyes widened, wondering what type of snake the ability had to do that.

“Look...” You heard a voice start. You were spun around to face the dark silhouette of what seemed to be a very large person, with glowing vermillion eyes. “at what I have here?” Hissing down at you was a blond man with a forked tongue and eyes of pure fire and blood. You looked down noticing he was shirtless. Then you also noticed that he didn’t have legs. From his waist down was the tail of a snake. He was absolutely humongous and clearly hostile and unfriendly too. However, it was hard to tell with the giant smirk on his face. “A pretty little human for the taking.” He grinned as he moved closer to you. His hypnotising red eyes locked onto your form with a look of hunger on his face.

You looked up at him with wide eyes. “Y-y-you're a-a... a naga.” You whisper in shock.

He raised a blond eyebrow at you. “And you’re a human.” He pointed out. His eyes trailed your upside-down figure for a moment. Then all of a sudden you were dropped to the ground with a thud. You hissed in pain as you luckily landed on your side and not on your head, however your hip really started to hurt and so did the side of your arm. You let out a small cry in pain as you tried to push yourself off the ground. “I would stop making such pretty little noises if I were you, little one.” His voice rang into the air as you heard the hissing again. Suddenly you saw you were being circled by a thick long white tail. He was circling you and very fast too. You tried to find where his head was but your senses were being overwhelmed by the pattern and colour of his thick tail. Suddenly you found your body up straight and wrapped up in coils as he looked down at you with a grin with sharp fangs. “Food tastes so much better when it’s in pain.” He told you as he leaned closer to your ear.

You looked at him wide eyed. You shook your head trying to get out but he only tightened his hold on you making you gasp. “I’m sorry Mr Albino-Copperhead-Naga, but I-”

“Bakugou.”

“Excuse you.”

“No, human!” He hissed at you in annoyance. “My name. Bakugou Katsuki. It’s like me just calling you... He looked your features over. He squinted as he sniffed you. “Well whatever type of human you are.”

“I am Y/N.” You smiled up at him. He frowned at your smile. It ticked him off. “And as I was saying, I’m sorry for stepping on your land Bakugou, I didn’t know.” You told him honestly.

He glared down at you. “Didn’t the annoying Deku warn you about straying off the path?” He asked you. “He’s always ruining my fun.” He grumbled more to himself than for you to hear.

You tilted your head. Then you smiled dreamily. “Oh... you mean the nice cutie pie with the freckles?” You asked with a sigh, remembering him and his gorgeous thighs.

Bakugou’s face scrunched up as your scent changed. Of course, you didn’t notice it but he did. He let out a growl of a hiss as he tightened his hold on you making you squeak at the tightness. He barred his fangs to you as he glared down at you. His body positioned higher than you as he glared down at you domineeringly. “Don’t fucking get aroused by that walking tree! He wouldn’t make a good mate.”

You hummed as you thought of the green haired ranger's large hands. “Hm... I beg to differ.” You nod your head. “I bet he has tons of people to call.”

“What! No he does not! He probably is a loner, and he still lives with his mother too!”

You look at him with a raised eyebrow. “Please, Mr Snake.”

“Bakugou.”

“Bless you.” You ignored his correction of your statement. “But I don’t exactly see you with any mate.” You point out.

Bakugou was taken aback as he moved his head back in surprise like a snake that had just got slapped on the head. His arms folded over his large chest. His upper body was packed with muscle to match his thick scale, but he had a thin waist and clearly mythical attractiveness about him. He scowled down at you. “How do you know I don’t have a mate?” He asked with an almost smirk, thinking he had won the argument.

You look around the dark forest. Your eyes had adjusted so that you were now able to easily see around you. You hummed as you tried to find anything that remotely looked like signs of another obnoxiously big snake. “I... I don’t see anyone...” You looked at him with a ‘really?’ look. Instantly he lost his smirk. “Besides, if you had a mate, you wouldn’t be standing- sorry, that’s not very inclusive... uh, what do you do? Slither? Sit?”

He looked at you annoyed. “Stand is fine.”

“Okay great. Where was I? Oh, yes. You wouldn’t be standing around talking to me now, would you?” You tilted your head to the side with wide eyes and looked back up at him.

Bakugou huffed as he angled his body slightly away from you. “I... I’m just defending my territor-”

“HA! You lonely, Mr Snake!” You laughed.

Bakugou looked down at you with a frown. “I’m not-”

“Lonely!”

“I-”

“Mr Lonely-Ass-No-friends-ass-got-nobody-to-talk-to-ass-Albino Snake-”

A huge growl sounded as suddenly you were unable to breathe. All the air was sucked out of your lungs as Bakugou’s thick white tail squeezed you tight and his dark red eyes looked down at you with malice and annoyance. A chill of fear ran down your back. You sensed you had made a mistake of some kind. Bakugou leaned down and bared his teeth at you. “Looks like my days just got a lot more interesting.” He hissed down at you.

He uncoiled himself from around you, finally allowing you to breathe. You collapsed onto the ground, gasping for air as you were finally let loose for a moment. However, that was short lived as you were grabbed and dragged away from where he had dropped you. The blond naga, held you tightly with his tail and pulled you along to God knows where.

“Ah... Mr Snake... Mr Bakugou... where are we going?” You asked as he lifted you off the ground but kept you tightly bound and following him.

He didn’t look back at you as he moved forward, his body swaying side to side slightly as he slithered onwards deeper into the forest. “Den.” He stated simply.

“Ah yes.” You nodded. “But to do what?”

“You are my mate now.”

Your eyes widened. You quickly shook your head furiously as you truly understood what he was saying. You started to realise that maybe just not coming on this trip at all would have been better than getting kidnapped by a naga. “No. No, no, no, no, Bakugou. I can’t be your mate.” You told him with certainty. “I’m a human. You’re half snake. It’s not going to work. I have enough snakes in my life, thank you very much.”

He stopped for a moment, pulling you closer to him. You had to applaud that his tail strength and ability to move his tail around so effortlessly was very impressive as he held you with it. He pulled you to once again hang in front of him. He looked your body around. “You do have a slit do you not?” He asked as he looked around your abdomen, his hands grabbing at your flesh making you laugh. You giggled as he moved his hands around. He put his finger in your belly button, making you squeak. He glared at the odd thing before adventuring further down your body. He started tugging at your pants trying to see what was hiding between your legs.

“Hey!” You quickly hit his side making him stop and stare at you. “Don’t touch there without my consent! That’s rude!” You glare at him with a warm face. “Besides you haven’t even brought me dinner first.”

“Dinner? Are you hungry?” He asked you with a tilt of his head. Before you could even answer again, the both of you were moving, but much faster. You held onto his tail as you were suddenly speeding through the forest moving towards wherever the hell, he was taking you. You then widened your eyes as you noticed that the both of you were now by a mountain side with what looked like a cave. Bakugou moved inside effortlessly, before plopping you down on what seemed to be a bed made out of pelts, leaves and wool. You carefully sat up as the snake started making his way out of the cave again. “Don’t move.” You knew it wasn’t a suggestion as he left out of the cave.

You looked around and noticed that you were in a very sticky situation. The cave seemed well maintained though, but you wondered how you would ever get out of it. First thing you did, was stay put. You weren’t going to anger a very scary, giant and heavy snake hybrid further than you already have. It would be stupid. Besides, as he said, this was his territory. He knew the forest probably better than you ever would. Trying to navigate it in the middle of the night with no map was going to be disaster waiting to happen.

You took off your backpack and put it in front of you. Luckily you still had some items you would need if you were staying here for a few days. You opened your backpack but then you whimpered at some pain. You noticed that your arm still hurt, probably from the initial fall. He seemingly liked to drop your body as he pleased. You wondered if you had any cooling cream inside your back. As you searched with your non injured arm you took off your jacket to assess if there was any exterior damage. You sighed as you saw only bruises, and nothing cut nor scraped.

Deciding that now was the best time to take care of yourself before Bakugou came back, you applied the cooling cream to your arm, allowing the warming bruise to ease at the feeling of the cream on your skin. After that you took out your small blanket and a travel pillow. You had dropped your sleeping bag somewhere but that was fine for the mean time. You started shifting your items and placing them in a nice way to not bother you when you went to bed.

“Look at you getting cozy.”

“Oh my God!” You nearly saw the light as the voice rang out.

Bakugou chuckled as he moved back inside the cave, holding something in hand. You placed a hand to your heart as you tried to breathe to calm it. The naga circled around the place you had adjusted to suit you. “Making a nest? I didn’t know humans' nest.” He spoke out as he circled you with his long tail that you were sure was probably over thirty feet long.

“Nest?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows. You looked down at the pillow and blanket over what you would consider what he built to be a nest. “Uh... sure.” You weren’t entirely sure what he meant but you kept to yourself about that as you settled in perfectly.

“Here. Dinner.” Throwing to you on your lap was a rabbit.

You looked down at it for a moment, then you realised it was dead. “OH SWEET JESUS!” You jumped up and positioned yourself far away from the dead rabbit as you leaned against the wall that he formed out of his coils around you. Your heart beat out of your chest as you tried not to become too stressed out. Bakugou raised an eyebrow as he lay on top of his tail, a hand holding his head up as he lay to the side. “It’s dead.” You announced.

“Uh yah... did you want to kill it yourself?” He asked.

“NO!” You turned to him with furrowed eyebrows. “I can’t eat that.” You motioned to the poor fluffy soul that you hoped was hoping around in green pastures with endless amounts of vegetables. “My stomach can’t digest raw food well.”

Bakugou hissed annoyed. “You humans are so complicated.” He folded his arms and closed his eyes.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Aren’t you hungry?”

He raised an eyebrow as he looked down at you. “And you think a rabbit is going to solve that? No. I’m still digesting.”

“Digesting what?”

“A child.”

“BAKUGOU!”

He chuckled at your upset expression. You couldn’t help but notice how nice and deep his laugh was, accompanied by a smile. You knew that if he were a human, he would have been modal worthy. He looked back over to you. “Deer. I don’t eat humans. You guys taste bad with all the shit you eat.” He told you sticking his forked tongue out in disgust.

You stuck your tongue out a little bit. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. He leaned over closer to you, his face not too far away from yours. You watched his pupils expand slightly. He stuck his tongue out again and so did you. You moved your head back and forward once. His pupils dilated again as he followed your motion again. Whatever you did with your head, moving it whichever way you wished, he copied. Finally, you bopped his nose with your own, taking him by surprise.

You looked up at him going with a grin on your face. “You to continue to dance for me, snakey snake?” You asked moving your eyebrows up and down.

You watched a blush cross over to his face, his cheeks going pink. He glared down at you with a nonthreatening hiss and turned away from you, crossing his arms and lying on his tale. “I’m sleeping now.”

Your eyes widened as you realised what his denial meant. “You can dance?”

“Goodnight.”

“Dance for me, Bakugou.”

“Stop talking.”

“Snakey dance!”

He groaned in annoyance.

You had been staying with Bakugou for the past week and so far, you couldn’t really complain. It did suck to know you didn’t exactly have the things from your life like electricity, a microwave, or food that didn’t make you feel like you were a bad person, but it wasn’t entirely bad. Bakugou, despite all the angry shit he gave you and his constant grumbling, was a very attentive person. After the whole rabbit incident he stuck to getting you snacks. You wondered where he got the human snacks from but you assumed he just stole them for you, which you didn’t entirely mind (Don’t steal kids).

He was also very interesting when he chose to talk. He told you a lot about his past, his friends that didn’t live too far away from here but were also planning on settling down too. He told you about all the places his seen, the hybrids his met. Your favourite time with him is that sometimes, maybe every second or third day he would coil around you at night and the two of you would look at the stars. He would tell you about tales you could hardly believe in with beasts just as monstrous or scary as him. He told you about a time long ago when hybrids were more common than humans. It was one of the few times he was ever so soft or gentle with you. He was mostly just like that when he was sleepy.

He was sleepy quite often actually. Especially in his midday naps were he would lie in the sun, on his back and basically sleep there for a few hours as he took in the heat. You knew that as a relative to a cold blooded animal, he needed the sun. Even then, he would often either block your way out or leave you to do whatever you needed to do without his prying eyes that were always watching you.

While he was sleeping, you made sure to change into a change of clothes you had packed and do your business away from his eyes. You also attempted to wash in a lake nearby that Bakugou had (sort of) told you it was safe enough for you to submerge yourself in without fear of puranas or some other predator.

The oddest part of everything was, you didn’t run. You hadn’t done much to provoke him into distrusting you either. You spent most of your time making flower crowns and giving it to him, to watch him blush, or trying to seduce him with your attempted snake dance that he found halerious because of how uncoordinated your limbs were (You almost got him to do it for you but he quickly caught on and almost bit your ass off for that).

You noticed that Bakugou had the habit of gifting you something, whether it be food or an attempt at a flower crown (he was getting there) and when you accepted it, he would put his chin on your head and rub his shin on your shoulder and head. It seemed to be a real calming act for him, since whenever he did it, his eyes would close and he would sigh for a moment.

You decided to test this theory.

Bakugou was asleep sunbathing, his arms cross as he lay on his stomach on a large slab of stone. You carefully moved around his tail, being careful not to step on it despite knowing that his tail was thick enough that it wouldn’t hurt him if you did step on it. He was really silent when he wasn’t talking or hissing, just like a snake. You wouldn’t know he was there if it wasn’t for the fact that he was a giant naga with a tail that was probably ten times your size.

“Bakugou.” You said his name as you got closer to his upper body. He ignored you as he kept his eyes shut as he lay in the sun, trying to soak up the heat. You walked over to sit in front of him. You crossed your legs and tapped his head. “Bakugou.” Once again there was no response. You bent down closer to his face. “Ka-tsu-ki.” You drawled out.

Bakugou opened his eyes tiredly as he looked up at you. His red eyes locking onto you with a glare. “You annoying person, waking me up during my very important nap.” He groaned as he tried lifting his head. You shifted forward to bring his head into your lap. You pulled your hand through his hair as you looked down at him, caressing his face. Bakugou frowned but his cheek grew pink in colour. You were really touchy, naturally. A very affectionate person, and to him, he could never understand why. “Mh?” He asked with a frown. “What’s up?”

You didn’t answer him. You just smiled. You leaned down and put your shin on his head and rubbed your shin against his soft tufts of ash blond hair. You tried to replicate the little hidden rumble he makes whenever he did it to you, of course it sounded more like a humm than anything else but you tried. You moved your head away from him with the same smile on your face.

Bakugou however wasn’t smiling. He looked up at you with wider eyes than you had ever seen on him. He seemed shocked. Shocked right off his axis. His red crimson eyes held your gaze for a long moment, his own gaze was unblinking and intense as he looked up at you. You stuck your tongue out at him. You moved to get up but immediately you were pulled up off the ground. You found yourself in Bakugou’s arms as he moved off of the warm place he was in and towards the cave he resided in. You tilted your head to the side in surprise at his urgent movements that seemed rather unlike him but you weren’t going to complain. It meant a free ride back.

When the two of you made it inside, you were immediately wrapped up in coils. You wondered what was up with him today as he never really left his afternoon naps before. Before you could ask anything you noticed coils grind between your legs making you squeak at the sudden friction. A rush of heat went up your neck to your face. “K-katsuki. What are you doing?” You asked.

His eyes on you reminded you of the first time you met him. Hungry and with a hidden agenda that was beyond what you knew. He watched as you shifted left to right, trying not to show how aroused you were getting, but Bakugou could tell, obviously he could tell. “You are really slow human, but you catch on quickly. But it is a relief you think the same as I.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Think about wha-” You stopped talking as you bit down on your lip to stop the moan that was going to be pulled out of you. Along with the increase in pressure to the coils that were rubbing against your clothed sex, you felt his hands move to grab and grope at your chest. He positioned himself behind you, feeling at your skin as his hands adventured underneath your shirt. You let out small whines with your mouth closed not wanting to make sound.

“Hm... you could be more sensitive...” He let out more for himself than for you to hear. Soon the blond had an idea. He leaned closer to your ear, his tongue brushing against it. “Scream for me.”

Before you could question what he had just said, you felt sharp fangs pierce your neck. You jolted forward as a scream was pulled out of your throat at the painful feelings of his fangs inside of you. You whined at the pain but then a blooming heat went across your body. You felt hot all of and you could barely think straight. Bakugou retracted his fangs from your neck, licking the blood away with satisfaction. With the small dose of venom in your veins you would be just how he wanted you to be.

With a single brush to your chest with his hands you were quivering in his grasp. He chuckled. “Perfect.” Ripping your clothes off your body, he lay you down on the nest to try and get to you quickly.

You were breathing heavily as everything felt so hot. “Katsuki.” You let out lowly. “Help.” You whined. “I need help.” You let out needily. You weren’t even sure what was wrong with you, but you were in desperate need of anything to make the blooming heat and ache go away.

He smirked down at you diabolically. “It’s alright, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” He assured you as you were finally naked underneath him. It was like this that he realised how small you were compared to him. How you were only but a small fraction of his actually size and weight against yours. It only made him grin wider. His eyes roamed your body, settling on your sex with interested eyes. He moved down towards it. He watched with interest and curiosity. “...not like the others...” He mumbled to himself.

He pushed a finger inside nearly making you sit up abruptly with a gasp. He noted down that reaction in his head. He moved his finger in and out of you with his eyes hypnotised on your sex and the noises it made. A shiver ran down your back as you moved a hand back to grab onto his tail for support. Instantly Bakugou flicked his eyes up. In some consolation for you, he wrapped the end of his tail around your hand for you to squeeze to your heart’s content.

He then noticed your clit. He tilted his head to the side confused. As he forced in another finger inside you, he brushed the pad of his thumb down against it. With the venom running through your vains, everything felt like it was an overload of friction and stimulation that your body wasn’t ready for. You gasped as your walls clamped down on Bakugou’s fingers in need and frustration. He raised an eyebrow. He did it again and this time you freely let out a moan out into the air.

Bingo.

He knew what he wanted to do next. He curved his fingers inside as he moved them around the inside of your gummy walls. He smirked at the way your insides squelched around his fingers. Bakugou brought his mouth to your clit linking across the sensitive bundle of nerves. You gasped as you squeezed his tail and wrapped your thighs around his head. “Katsuki!” You cried out his name loudly, echoing off the walls only encouraging his efforts. He started to lap at your lips and the juices escaping you, as if it was the only sustenance on earth to satisfy his hunger. “Fuck, just like that Katsuki! Just like that. Don’t stop.” You encouraged him.

Bakugou tried his best to work open your hole as best as he could. He couldn’t hurt you so he needed to make sure that you would be worked open as best as you would allow him. Then again, he wouldn’t mind hurting you. It made it all the more delicious to him in the end, but he chose your comfortability over what aroused him the most. With a scrap to a spot that had you seeing stars, you clamped down on his thick fingers harshly.

You arched your back with a cry. “Fuck!” You cry out as you could barely breathe. Your walls spasming and working to try and knead his fingers for something he couldn’t give you from them. He gently guided you out of your high allowing you to finally get air back into your lungs. You sighed as you collapsed down back into the soft nest below you.

He finally relents allowing to relax below him. Your breathing heavily, trying to fill back up your lungs. Bakugou stands over you, licking his hand of your juices, not wanting to waste a single drop of it. He grinned down at you sinfully. “You taste impeccable, my little Y/N.” He spoke down to you menacingly. “Better than any of the other females I’ve come across. I might just want to keep you like this.” His eyes unbashful looked over you in your recovering state, your legs still spread for his eyes to easily see your sex. “But I have plans for here.” He dragged a hand back down to your cunt, brushing against your clit making you whimper. He chuckles.

Bakugou picks you up to wrap your legs around his waist perfectly. You looked back up at him, then your eyes nearly bulge out of your skull once you realised that suddenly he had two cocks when he didn’t even have one visible to you before. You looked down at them in horror before looking back up at him. Bakugou chuckles menacingly as he lines both cocks with your entrance.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.”

“Katsuki, wait I- FUCK!” You screamed as he bullied his cocks into the depths of your tightness. Long painfully cocks that forced your sex to stretch and allow space for the both of them. Although Bakugou beant down to bite your neck once more to allow more venom inside you, to relax you more. Once it reached your heart, pumping fast around your body, you felt yourself gasp in pleasure as the stretch turned absolutely delicious within you. “Katsuki...” Your eyes rolled back as you moaned out his name.

Said naga bit down on his bottom lip as he forced himself inside you. You felt so good, so tight and so warm. He almost fell in love with the feeling. Hypnotised by your body and all it could give him. He could see a belly bulge forming in your lower abdomen which only made him happier to do this. He had broken skin on his lip but he couldn’t will himself to care. He was going to fuck your cunt into submission, make you feel every ounce of pleasure so hard that you wouldn’t know what to do but to stay with him and continue to scream his name.

He was sure of that.

And that’s exactly what he did as he slowly pulled back and slammed back into you with a fluid movement of his hips. It only made you moan and gap as you arched your back forcing yourself closer to him. Your hands clawing down his back as he fucked you hard and vengefully almost. It felt more like he was fucking you like he hated you, which made it even more delicious. Pure rage and animal instinct to claim and break you down into submission. That’s what it was. He grinned down at you almost as though he was taking absolute pleasure from destroying your insides.

Bakugou moved his mouth to your neck and shoulders, biting and kissing your body as he saw fit. Wanting to make you a masterpiece of his bites. All you could do was allow him to use you. You couldn’t even complain if you wanted. You sounded pornographic, as if you were nothing but a whore to his cocks. Which at this point, wouldn’t be too far from the truth.

He groaned as he fucked up into you harder, increasing speed as he did so. “Fuck! You’re so fucking good for me. Yes, you fucking are. You want me to cum inside you? Make you my little cum filled mate. My little bearer? If we wait a little longer, I’m sure you could give me the best hatchlings, can’t you?” He asked you, hissing his fantasies into your ear. He moaned as he held onto you tighter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” With a roar, his body shivered as his cocks spurt hot cum inside you. With a whine of overstimulation as your cunt milked his cocks, he fucked his cum deeper inside you.

He held you tightly, not letting go even after he had finished. His breathing heavy as he kept you resting over his heart. He cupped your head as he made sure you were not going anywhere. Not like you could even move, but it was the thought that counted. Just before you could drift off to sleep, you felt something rubbing the top of your head. You weakly looked up to see Bakugou happily chinning the top of your head and trying to cuddle up to you. He even adorned a small, cute smile on your face, unlike any smile you had seen on his face before.

You smiled. It would all be worth it.

Midoriya jumped off his quadbike. He knew that stepping into the naga’s territory alone was a bad idea without Bakugou’s consent, but he couldn’t care less. It had been ten days since anyone had last seen you and like hell would he believe that you had just gotten lost in the forest, or you were off camping deep in the woods. People were stupid, but you didn’t look that stupid.

The green haired ranger held a scowl on his face as he moved forward towards where he knew the blond hybrid would be. From the tracker he had on Bakugou, he knew that the hybrid was in his cave. Midoriya just hoped that he wouldn’t find you as a corpse. “Y/N!” He shouted as he stepped forward to the opening of the cave, a hand to the side of the cave.

“Hey Deku!” You chirped out as you sat tightly in the coils of the now hostile naga that was glaring daggers at Midoriya. Bakugou’s pupils were thin as he glared at the green haired man. “How are you?” You asked.

Midoriya, glad that you were at least alive, also noticed that you were without clothes, at least not having a top, and your neck and shoulders were covered in bites. “I’m fine.” He called back out to you. “Are you alright?” He asked you.

“Yah!” You nodded your head. “Pretty warm actually, Katsuki just came from his nap.” You told him.

Midoriya nodded, turning his attention to the blond naga. He scowled his green jade eyes locking onto the snake hybrid. “Kacchan.” He let out darkly. “What have I told you about taking people? You can’t do that!” He shouted as he took a step closer making Bakugou hiss, however it didn’t scare Midoriya one bit.

Bakugou moved you further down his tail as he moved forward closer to Midoriya. “Listen here you walking bush.” He pointed a finger at Midoriya. “This is my mate, I am not letting you take them away from me.”

The ranger looked at Bakugou with an annoyed expression. “Kacchan, let me say this to you... I. Do. Not. Care.” He pronounced every word with emphasis. “This person has been missing for days and you’ve been hauling them up here like some prey you caught. Do you want me to get the spray bottle?” He threatened the blond making Bakugou back away with a glare and another hiss. Midoriya put his hand ready to grab the spray bottle of water he had by his waist. “Don’t think I won’t.” He threatened with wide eyes.

“I dare you t- OW!” Katsuki grabbed something that landed on his shoulder blade. He growled as he wrenched it out of his shoulder. He held it in his hand for both men to see. Bakugou’s eyebrows furrowed. It was a tranquilizer dart. Midoriya’s eyes widened at the item in Bakugou’s hands.

“That won’t be necessary, Mr Midoriya.” You stated. Both males turned back to look at you. You stood with your jacket on, covering everything that was necessary. You held a tranquilizer in your hand. You threw it back into your bag, as you slowly moved towards the both of them. You pulled out a walkie talkie from the inner pocket off your jacket. You lifted it to your mouth. “Bring the chopper for relocation. I’ve got the albino naga contortix .” You said into the walkie talkie.

It buzzed. “Stand by Y/N. We’re heading there now.” A voice rang through the walkie talkie.

Bakugou froze as he looked at you confused. “Y-” He felt his body start to go limp as he found it difficult to stay up right. Against his will he started to fall. He barely caught himself with his hands as you walked forward to him.

You shushed him sweetly, bending down to put your hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, sweetie.” You spoke almost condescendingly as you messaged his skelp. You watched his eyes focus and unfocused on you. Trying to keep you in his line of sight. He tried to lift his head closer to you with a small broken expression. He whined, unable to talk to you. You shushed him quietly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. When you wake up you’ll be in a much better place with me. I promise, my love.” You spoke softly to him. You placed a kiss to his forehead just as he dipped into unconsciousness. You smiled down at Bakugou with a sweet smile. You knew he would be pissed at you for lying to him, but it would be alright in the end. “You can stand down now, Mr Midoriya.” You flicked your eyes back up to him. His face emotionless as he stared back at you. You stood back up and took out an identification card of the Yuuie Hybrid Nature Reserve Group. “We received your message.” You notified him.

“You guys took your damn time.” He finally spoke, putting his hands on his hips. “Do you know how draining it is working undercover as a ranger? Also...” He lifted an eyebrow as his facade of sparkling eyes and broad shining smile left his face. “They sent you?” He asked. “To seduce him? Who even are you?”

You chuckled. “You’d be surprised how easy it is to play dumb and compliant for a male to get enchanted by you.” You glanced back up at him. Midoriya didn’t like the way you were looking up at him so intently, it made him feel almost as if he had been unknowingly played. You shrugged. “Besides, someone has to handle him when he’s back at Yuuie.” You informed the green haired man. You outstretched a hand to him. “Lets try this again. Y/N. Naga expert and hybrid rehabilitator.” You informed him.

Midoriya smirked as he took your hand. “Well, its glad to finally meet you. Glad they finally got someone for the position.” He stated. Midoriya was in a higher position than you in the company, and well renown too. You weren’t the least bit surprised that he was able to stay close to Bakugou as long as he did. “Midoriya Izuku. Hybrid Chief Co-ordinator and orientation master.” He shifted his gaze down to the naga. “What is going to happen now?”

You bent down at the sleeping blond. Bakugou’s face was relaxed and without worry as he was deep in sleep. You made sure to give him a high enough dosage that he would be well asleep. “Now... we take him to his new home.”

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