#and I only had 4 episodes left and some free time

[overobsessedfanboy23]

5Ds is an enigma that has utterly fried my brain

Okay, okay, get this. 5Ds is not only the only YGO that I believe is better in dub (I’ve warmed up to the dubs recently but I still think the subs are better), it’s also the only Yugioh series that has a better first half than second half. Yes, that includes Arc V. I thought Arc V was pretty consistently enjoyable. I always see people say Arc V had a great first half but the second half/ending completely dropped the ball and ruined everything. Guess what? To me, that statement applies to 5Ds.

Disclaimer: I haven’t seen the slew of undubbed episodes in the middle of the WRGP or the final arc, Arc Cradle, because they’re sub exclusive and the 5Ds sub is a terribly boring thing that I have no interest in returning to if it’s not Jack/Carly or Aki related. Still, I’m gonna do an “overview” of... basically the 5Ds dub.

(Rest of the overview under the cut)

Okay, so first of all, I take back… some of what I said in my initial overview of part one. Not everything. My critique of the Aki’s parents plotline and everything that happened in Akiza vs Misty still stands. Also, I don’t know if I mentioned these things in my overview or not but I’ll say them here: the Devack duel and spirit world nonsense are really boring and honestly, anytime Yugioh does a prison plotline it’s boring as shit, I don’t know what it is but both the prison arcs in 5Ds and Arc V really bore me. I have nearly all the same narrative problems with that first half that I did back then. HOWEVER. What I do take back is everything I said about the story and characters not grabbing me.

Even in the sub I found the Fortune Cup to be entertaining. Leo and Luna are entertaining if somewhat annoying kids and Aki was a fascinating badass. And Dark Signers. Holy shit this arc is where 5Ds absolutely soars. This story is a fucking epic. I didn’t realise it in the sub because despite liking some of the characters and knowing there was good stuff in front of me, I couldn’t connect with the characters. I found most of them to be boring mouthpieces to a generic overly serious story. It just felt like we were going through the YGO motions without any of the personality. The dub doesn’t have this problem at all. 4Kids’ habit of making the characters and dialogue sillier actually did wonders for 5Ds. The dub is just… fun. Because it adds moments of levity that weren’t there in the sub. They allow us to see the characters just… being people which makes it so much easier to connect with them. They talk like real people, Leo and Luna argue and pick on each other like real siblings, the goddamn villains have moments where they feel like people, even if only for a few moments. Also, I genuinely really love many of the voices. Crow and Yusei have really fitting raspy voices, I love the way Carly’s voice sounds very awkward normally but becomes full of confidence when she’s a Dark Signer. 

Kalin’s actor is having the time of his life and it makes me have so much fun watching him, oh my god I’ll get to how much I love this man.

And many of the other characters have voices that I just enjoy listening to and add so much more personality to previously dry characters. Lazar is hilarious in the dub, Sayer’s voice has no right being that cool but my god he completely nails the soft calming voice, I can completely see how he was able to manipulate people and oddly enough? The thing that got me invested in the Dark Signers arc when I watched the dub (because I originally only intended to have this on in the background while I was working) wasn’t any of the duels. It was the scene where Goodwin was explaining the backstory of the Crimson Dragon and how it defeated the Earthbound Immortals:

I remember getting randomly sucked into it and to this day I’m not sure why. I think on a basic level I just liked the dub actor’s voice but also the way it’s explained in the dub just… really grabbed me. I had seen the arc in sub but I truly experienced it in dub. And what an experience it was.

Looking back on it, I honestly can’t believe I ever dissed the Yusei vs Kalin stuff because honestly? It’s just as good and emotionally investing as the Jack/Carly plot. Kalin is insanely entertaining in the dub. His over the top cackling and silly lines delivered in this delightfully gleeful crazy voice got me attached to him pretty much the moment I saw him. I absolutely love crazy sadistic villains when they’re done right and they really knocked it out of the park with this guy. He is hilarious and a good threat and my god the backstory with him and Yusei and the Enforcers is fantastic. I did not give enough credit to them for tackling the idea of extremism and showing how extremist views/actions can result from what was originally a good cause. Also, I just genuinely see where Kalin is coming from at times. Why the FUCK would you run when you’re public enemy number 1 on an island you can’t leave that’s controlled by the very people you’re running from?! No shit that didn’t work! Also, while it was completely in Yusei’s right to, he did still abandon Kalin so I totally get how Kalin believed that Yusei turned him in. Yusei betrayed his own core value of never leaving a friend which makes the moment where he does reach out to save Kalin during their duel all the more powerful. It’s honestly just as fantastic a duel/narrative as Jack/Carly (which I’ve praised excessively in the past so I won’t repeat myself here) and I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.

Crow vs Greiger is also fantastic, I love that both of their motivations are wanting to get revenge on behalf of their families and how this duel helped both of them overcome that desire that had consumed them- and oh my god, Dark Signers has issues for sure but the good stuff is downright fantastic.

So this first part of 5Ds is pretty good overall. It has some damming issues that hold it back from being truly amazing but the parts I loved I really really loved.

And now for part 2…

Not gonna lie, I was actually really enjoying part 2 for a good chunk of it. Yes, I hate the Carly thing. Her involvement was cut back and her and Jack’s confessions were undone not because of any real life drama like a certain rumour may have you believe but because of bad writing. Because why have two people in a healthy loving relationship when Jack can instead be oblivious to having a harem of mindless women instead?

Uuuuuuugh.

Okay, but that aside, I really enjoyed the parts leading up to the WRGP. Yes it’s much lighter and there’s a lot of filler but like the early portions of GX, the characters here are likeable enough to make the filler episodes fun and charming. I love Yusei, Jack, and Crow quipping with each other like brothers, I love the kids turbo duelling on rollerskates, I love Yusei instantly becoming attached to Bruno, I love the fact that Lazar gets distracted from important heists by the wonders of noodles. And AKIZA MY BELOVED.

I made a whole post about how much I adore the episode where she learns to turbo duel. I love how we see every step of her growth into a turbo duelist and that they allow her to make mistakes during that journey. And her friends are so supportive of her the whole way and it’s incredibly wholesome…

If only they’d done literally anything substantial with her learning to turbo duel in the next arc.

Okay, sorry, I gotta talk about negatives now. Because while I really enjoyed the stuff leading up to the WRGP, the nosedive this thing took the moment the tournament began is so sharp it astounds me. Because my one big problem with that pre-WRGP arc is Accel Synchro. Because quite frankly it makes no sense. The villains have an ability to steal Synchro monsters so you’d think the solution would be to use something other than to Synchro summon. But no. They decided the best solution to this cool roadblock would just be to synchro summon synchro monsters together, which is just a harder synchro summon that could still get your monsters stolen if you don’t do it all in one turn. But I handwaved this at first. Because I figured they just didn’t want another summoning mechanic to overshadow the one this show was made for-

OH GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.

Nope, that god awful boring put me to sleep Team Unicorn arc that was an insult to Aki’s character and women in YGO in general had the AUDACITY to have Yusei easily and with no explanation summon a fusion monster, something that wouldn’t be targeted by the Synchro stealing effect of the main villains and proceeds to NEVER USE IT AGAIN. When he’s in a situation where he needs to counter the synchro stealing, I was SCREAMING at the screen for him to use the Fusion monster he easily summoned quite literally a few episodes ago but he proceeds to do the much harder Accel synchro bullshit that even fails him once because of how stupid it is and all my investment in this plotline died. Just like that.

This plothole, and Aki’s honestly insulting treatment, completely took me out of the story and honestly, it made me feel like I was watching those subbed episodes again. I was just… so bored and uninterested. The characters still have their moments in the following episodes but it wasn’t enough to grab me or make me feel anything toward the WRGP arc apart from feeling like I was wasting my time. To be completely fair though… The final duel isn't bad.

I enjoy the concept of Aporia and I admire the attempt 4Kids made to make this feel final since, for reasons I don’t fully understand, they weren’t able to dub the final arc. I do feel like I got an ending, unlike the GX dub ending which didn’t even try to be conclusive. There are still loose ends to the dub but that’s just kind of inevitable. I don’t feel any desire to sacrifice anymore of my life points to this show when I don’t feel like it will yield anything positive for me. 5Ds for me ended with Carly taking pictures of everyone in celebration after the floating temple in the sky disappeared.

Or better yet, it ended right here:

Yeah, I’ll admit, I just wanted to end this overview on a positive note by talking about pretty much the only part of 5Ds I’d recommend people watch after Dark Signers last. Okay, besides the Akiza motorcycle episode. But anyways, Crash Town. I love this arc. Yes, it’s out of nowhere as fuck and the wild west theme is jarring at first. But you know what? I don’t give a fuck because this arc gave us MORE KALIN. I love Kalin’s arc in these episodes. The dub barely pulls any punches here. Apparently he’s explicitly suicidal in the sub but honestly, dub!Kalin is so self deprecating and obsessed with punishing himself for everything he did that I was already getting a suicidal vibe from him so this change doesn’t bother me at all. It’s clear he feels like he has nothing to live for and just wants to be punished for how he hurt Yusei and it’s heart-wrenching. But he finds new purpose in life through essentially being like an adopted older brother to those kids and that’s wholesome.

Like I said, this is how 5Ds ended for me. Akiza learned to turbo duel, Yusei finally got closure with Kalin, who has begun to heal and become a better person, and the characters I love have found happiness in their new home in Domino City.

Overall, I’m torn. 5Ds has some of the highest highs of any Yugioh yet simultaneously the lowest lows of any Yugioh. I do think I enjoyed more episodes than I didn’t but despite initially enjoying the first part of season 2, they’re not quite good enough for me to want to go back and rewatch them. Again, aside from Crashtown and Akiza turbo duelling. So… I don’t think I can give a definitive statement on 5Ds as a whole. I really loved some parts and really hated other parts. The first half I can say is overall good, heck Dark Signers I’d go as far as to call great but the second half… fuck everything in it besides the funny moments, Akiza turbo duelling, and Crashtown.

[yotd2009]

when i saw 'cabin in the woods in middle of nowhere new hampshire' bad i mean it. i have a 65 year old father from northeastern mass that's the only type of vacation i ever go on (if you're wondering what it's like it's like a modern day yellow wallpaper btw) . i know my cabins in middle of nowhere new hampshire. i've been to multiple with better wifi than i currently have. that says a lot btw.

[houseofripley]

hello :) I have fanfic idea. So how about reader comes over to Rhea’s house and it’s snowing so reader has to stay longer because of the snow storm but Rhea pulls out the game dunk desires (a spicy card game) and things get heated ;) (PLZ SMUT AND FLUFF ENDING🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾) anyways bye bye 👋

Locked In.

Rhea Ripley x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ SMUT, Thigh Riding, Spanking, Strap-On Riding, Strapwarming, Slight Manipulation??? WORD COUNT: 2,773 A/N: literally started working on this the second i saw this. loved this prompt

“Hello hello! I’m here!” You called out as you let yourself into your friend Rhea’s home. “You better not be robbing me, I have a knife!” Rhea joked from the kitchen.

You approached the woman finishing cutting up a watermelon. “You need to learn how to lock your door Rhe-Rhe.” Rhea set her knife down and turned to face your direction, flexing her arms. “Have you seen these guns? No one could stand a chance,” she said before putting the chopped up fruit in a bowl. “Also I left it unlocked for you, it’s fucking freezing out there. I didn't wanna make you wait in the cold.”

“What a gentleman,” You teased as you patted her back. The both of you made your way into the living room before plopping yourselves into the couch. “I swear people completely forget how to drive the second they see a couple of snowflakes.” You grumbled while a chuckle came from Rhea.

The two of you had spent the past few months spending bits of your free time together growing your friendship closer. But the past few weeks Rhea had been begging you to come to her place  nearly everyday. She also became more possessive over you, you noticed how jealous she got two nights ago when you went out with your group of friends. Rhea only talked to you the entire night and would tense up whenever you spoke to anyone other than her.

“Now why was I dragged to your humble abode today?” You questioned as the snow fell outside the large window several feet behind you. Rhea gave you a big cheesy smile before saying “Board games!”

You groaned “Will you ever get bored of forcing me to play your old people games everyday?” You complained to the woman. “You know you love it,” Rhea claimed before adding on “I just want to finish one last episode of my show.” As Rhea began watching her show, you stared at the dark twilight outside.

Both of you were soon disrupted by a weather alert blurting from the TV. You turned away from the window and looked over at Rhea whose eyes were glued to the TV screen, then turned your attention to the weather alert reading “Winter Storm – Blizzard Warning: In Effect 6 PM Through 11 AM – No Travel Advised.”

“Shit,” You mumbled looking at your watch. 5:28 PM. “I should get out of here before the roads get too fucked.” You said as you stood up. Rhea quickly grabbed your hand “No stay, I don’t want you driving out there. The roads are probably slippery already, I’d feel awful if I made you go home in this weather.” She coaxed.

“I’ll be okay Rhea, I really don’t wanna be a burden.” You said looking down at her. “I want you to stay.” Rhea stated, grabbing your other hand. The pair of you studied each other's faces before you nodded “If you insist…” You mumbled while the woman smiled and let go of your hands.

As the last few minutes of Rhea’s show played she made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a handful of beer bottles to place on the coffee table. “If we're gonna be stuck here we gotta at least get buzzed.” Rhea voiced as she made her way to her closet which housed all her games. 

You sat on the floor in front of the sofa as Rhea brought back an assortment of Monopoly, Skip-bo, and Connect 4.

“You ready to get your ass beat?” Rhea taunted, causing you to roll your eyes. “In your dreams, Ripley.” You bantered. Rhea winked at you before taking a swig of her beer. 

The woman had beat you in both Monopoly and Skip-Bo. “I need some damn wine.” You grumbled as you stood up.

You poured two glasses of the first red wine you noticed then brought them out to the living room. “Thank you, beautiful.” Rhea smirked, her compliment catching you by surprise leading your cheeks to flush. 

“You’re cheating!” Rhea accused after multiple rounds of her losing to you in Connect 4. You made a sarcastic angry expression “It’s Connect 4 how would I cheat!?” You snickered out. “It’s gotta be rigged!” She swore. “Rhe-Rhe it’s a piece of plastic I promise it's not rigged, also it’s not my fault I’m always two steps ahead of you.” You said playfully patting her thigh. 

“Not always,” Rhea muttered under her breath. You shot her a confused look, “Hm?” You hummed out. “Ah nothin’ you go pick the next game.” 

Rhea scootched back onto the sofa as she watched you make your way to the closet. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion once you spotted a sealed box. You walked back to Rhea, sitting down next to her holding the box she bought just hours before you came over. 

It was a card game that you never heard of, ‘Drunk Desires’ was labeled on the plain black box. “I have literally never heard of this…” You commented, Rhea gave you a look of disbelief before voicing a simple “Seriously?” 

“What is it? Teach me how to play!” You urged, assuming it was a game comparable to Cards Against Humanity. “Oh I’ll teach you how to play,” She purred out as she opened the box. “All you have to do is draw a card and do what it tells you, if you don’t you have to take a drink…but only draw the white cards first.” Rhea instructed, scooting closer to you.

The game seemed simple enough so you took a hold of the white card on top of the deck.

“Tell your game partner what you adore most about them.” You read out, you looked at Rhea smiling. “Ummm, I like your constant attitude…and big strong muscles.” You giggled out. “Oh yeah?” Rhea took a loose grip of your upper arm, her thumb running up and down your skin caused your hairs to stick up.

Rhea used her free hand to pick up a card that read ‘Tell your game partner a dirty secret.’ “I think my little secret will remain a secret until later,” She grinned.

“Now tell me why I can’t know now?” You pushed. 

“I'll tell you later…I promise” Rhea offered. “Hmm, you gotta drink and tell me later.” You persuaded her, she shrugged before taking a sip of her wine.

You both took turns pulling seemingly simple yet flirty cards, you both had answered nearly every question. The drinks you both previously consumed had obviously built  onto the tension the two of you had building over the past few months. 

Rhea’s hand slid onto your thigh as she urged you to grab a black card. “Have a three minute kissing contest, the winner drinks.” You stuttered looking over at Rhea, the both of you staring into each other's eyes. Your breath hitched slightly, you weren't expecting the game to take a twist down this road. “I-I’m sorry, you can take a drink if you don't want to, no need to worry.” Rhea assured you.

“No, I want to.” You confessed quietly as you slowly straddled the buff woman. Rhea grinned, “You have no idea how fucked up I am over you,” Rhea whispered as you rested your forehead against hers.

“Fuck, what type of game have you gotten me into…” You muttered, your hands gripping on Rhea’s shoulders. Lust had taken control of the both of you. You weren't sure who dived into the other first, but the one thing you were sure about is how intoxicating that first taste of your closest friend was.

Messy kisses worked to sync together while Rhea’s hands explored your hips. Both of your tongues mashed together while light groans escaped the back of your throat when Rhea began grinding your hips against her lap. Your hands found their way tangled into Rhea’s hair as her tongue investigated your mouth.

Rhea’s lips traveled down from your jawline to your neck, her teeth bit down on your sensitive skin before pulling away licking her lips. You could tell Rhea had been waiting ages for this. “I think we both deserve a drink for that.” Rhea murmured after prying herself off of you. 

Once you had both set your glasses down you reached over to grab Rhea a card. Rhea bit down on her lip before reading “Both you and your partner must remove a clothing item of the other's choice.” She paused for a moment, “Let’s get you out of those pants, pretty girl.” You obeyed and stood up from her lap, you let Rhea pull the waistband down and off your legs. Her hands caressing your legs for a few moments as she admired you.

You eagerly pulled the woman's shirt off before tossing it onto the opposite end of the sofa. “We have all night sweetheart, what are you in such a hurry for hm?” Rhea teased.

You bent over, grabbing your second black card that read ‘Go into another room and send a naughty selfie to your partner.” Protecting the card in your hand you let the woman know that you’ll be right back before hurrying off to her bathroom.

Once locked in the bathroom you slipped your hoodie and shirt off. You leaned against the wall posing and snapped a photo of your body in the mirror before sending it to Rhea. You added a text simply stating “Missing you in here. :(“

You knew your message had been seen when you heard a yell from the other room, “Get your ass back in here!” Rhea demanded. You decided to stay inside the bathroom, curious as to how she’d take it. “I know you heard me, I don’t like waiting.” The woman's voice approached.  

Rhea had pulled her next card and slid it under the door. ‘Take your partner’s underwear off without using hands.’ was displayed. “You got two options, sweetheart. You could come out now and have some fun with me or you can stay in there and I’ll go to bed without you.” She threatened.

You reluctantly opened the door, Rhea caught you by surprise as she threw you over her shoulder. “Good choice.” She mumbled out.

“Now be a good girl for me and you’ll get what you need.” The woman warned you as she laid you back into the sofa. “I’ll be the best girl for you.” You promised as she kneeled in between your legs. Her lips smirked while kissing on your inner thighs, a thread of whimpers escaped from your throat. She began to bite and pull at your panties, using her hands to keep your legs open for her. As your panties fell to your ankles, Rhea’s finger struck a single swipe up your folds, causing you to yelp out. “Such a sweet girl…” Rhea stated, licking her finger. 

A new card was handed to you as Rhea sat down. You flipped the card around to show the woman. ‘Grind on your partner's thigh for two minutes.’ It read. Rhea spread her legs apart as you settled yourself onto her left leg. ”Atta girl” She hummed.  A moaned “Shit Rhea'' left your mouth once your bare core began rocking against the fabric of the woman’s jeans. The two of you connected your lips as you whimpered into Rhea’s mouth, her hands traveling around your back.

Rhea’s hands got to work unclasping your bra, sliding it down your shoulders, and discarding it.

“Such a wet girl for me,” Rhea pulled away from your lips as she muttered while your sweetness leaked through her jeans.

You both knew you were past the point of no return. You needed each other…and you needed each other fast. 

You whimpered as Rhea pulled you up off her leg. “Shh, give me one second and I promise I’ll make you feel so good.” She reassured you while tugging off her jeans to reveal she had been packing the whole night. Rhea knew tonight was gonna be the night you finally screamed her name.

“Come sit on my cock baby.” Rhea murmured, helping you align your hips with hers. Your head fell back as you began sinking onto her. A whispered “Rhea,” came from your mouth as you settled at the bottom of her strap. You slowly rocked your hips back and forth as you let your walls adjust to her size. 

As you began slowly bouncing up and down her you threw your head into Rhea’s shoulder. Your hands clinged to the woman’s biceps. “So big…Rhea” You whined out, your nails digging into Rhea’s skin.

“Fuck!” Rhea groaned under her breath. “Taking me like such a good girl.” She complimented while her hands guided your hips to bounce faster. Your hands lifted Rhea’s bra off her chest. Whimpers filled the room while your hips traveled up and down Rhea’s length.

“That’s it…so good.” Rhea quietly reassured you. She did not expect how sensitive you’d be, the smallest movements leaving you overwhelmed. 

Tears formed in your eyes as Rhea’s hands held you down, forcing you to rock your hips against her. You moaned against the woman’s shoulder, your clit rubbing against the leather of her strap-on. “Feels so good doesn't it baby,” Rhea comforted.

 Your teeth clamped down on her shoulder once her hands guided you to bounce on her length again. “I know princess,” was said before a kiss was planted on your forehead. “You’re doing so good for me.” Was whispered in your ear. A loud yelp came from you as Rhea��s hands striked down on your ass.

Rhea’s hands tightly gripped your ass leading your hips to rock forward and backward as you bounced on her. You rested your head against Rhea’s cheek, tears escaping your eyes. Your walls tightened around her as your cries turned to screams. “I need you to cum all over me baby.” Rhea urged you.

“Rhea!! Fuck!” You screeched as your orgasm peaked. “God!” You yelped. Rhea helped stabilize  you once your legs began shaking eventually she let you sink onto her length after your legs gave out.

Rhea’s hands brought your face to match hers, planting a long kiss on your lips while your final tears fell from your eyes. “You were perfect.” She praised, wiping your tears. She let you move your head to rest on her shoulder as you let out a pitiful whimper. “Shhh…it's all okay baby.” She quieted her voice, her fingers tracing in your hair.

The woman let you rest on her as you occasionally delivered weak kisses to her neck. “I got you darling…you have no idea how long I've been waiting to hold you.” She whispered, wrapping her arms around you. After letting you rest a while she lifted your hips off her length, shushing you as you whined. She slipped off her strap before lifting you off the sofa. “We gotta get you in the bath, pretty girl.”

Your back laid against Rhea’s chest while you bathed together whispering sweet nothings. “Hey…what was that secret you were gonna tell me earlier?” Your question broke the comfortable silence.

Rhea laughed before admitting “That wasn’t a real weather alert earlier.” 

“What's that supposed to mean?” She had confused you.

 “It’s some year old year old recording I found. I've been keeping an eye on the forecast and chose today as the perfect day. All I had to do was make sure it was playing before you got here.” Rhea grinned whilst coating your hair with conditioner.

You scoffed out. “And you think all that was easier than asking me on a date?” You teasingly asked. “Where’s the fun in all that?” Rhea quipped.

“You bought that game just for tonight, didn’t you?!” You interrogated Rhea. Her silence told you everything you needed to know. “You bought that game cause you were scared to make a move huh.” You accused. 

“Woah hold on!” Rhea protested, “I was not scared, I just wanted to try something new.” She tried deflecting.

“You’re not fooling me Ripley, you’re a major softie. All clingy and jealous!” You teased. “I am not clingy at all!” Rhea fussed.

“Rhea, we are in the same tub and you are clinging onto me for dear life, what’s your excuse for that, hm?” Rhea tightened her grip on you more “I’m keeping you warm of course!” She chuckled.

You were absolutely right, Rhea was so infatuated with you she wouldn’t let you out of her sight until she had to go back to work a week and a half later. She went as far as trying to beg for you to be able to travel with her. Now that Rhea got to hold you, she never planned on letting go.

[silken-moonlight]

Older Alpha and Human waitress/ Part 4

A/N: Hello again! I am back with part 4 of this series. I have a lot of fun with developing the plot and characters. I am hoping I am not overdoing it in any way shape of form. Also we have now the Moodboard and the Introduction. Also here you'll find part 3 if you are interested. I love you guys so much -Swan/Moon

Desmonds POV

The next day was similar to the days before. He went to the meetings in the morning and noon, speaking with the other alphas about the pack territory. The problem had been that there was a new pack forming and they had demanded space or else they would have taken themselves said space. This of course could not have been permitted, since that would have ended in a massacre. The human government would have not been amused to cover up a slaughter between two packs and so they had to find a way without blood. While Desmond knew better, some days he wished they would just fight it out. Atlest then there wouldn’t have been so many meetings and fights in the meeting room. His thoughts were captivated by something else anyway…He was worried for his mate, she had looked so distressed. The longing to just take her away from all her worries had never been as strong as in that moment.

The alpha tried to cheer himself up, he would see her again today. Maybe would even make her smile when he brought her the books she had left behind. Of course was he aware that it might have looked a little weird…he just could not help himself. The urge to spoil and pamper his little mate was overwhelming. In his mind he had already planned their first trip to his cabin. He would take her there before they would officially return to the pack village. Thinking about all the things they could do…while Desmond really tried to keep his thoughts pure…it was not as easy. His inner wolf whined and scratched against the walls of his mind. The primal needs he felt were strong, he craved to touch his mates soft skin. To kiss her plump lips, to make her feel safe in his arms. To undress her slowly before- Desmond stopped his thoughts right there. He really didn’t want to get a boner in the middle of a political discussion.

A few hours later, the meetings and work was done for the day. Desmond would do the paperwork later, he had gotten an email from Isaac with some documents he needed him to look at. Desmond’s Pack had a few companies under their name or were part of them, while most things were equally shared, two of the companies were under his name. There also were many contracts he had to look at, work with or renew. 60% of the money earned ran into the Pack fund, all pack members that were working full time also gave away 10% of their salary to the pack fund. With that money were paid a lot of things like the maintenance of the packhouses, insurance costs, school and kindergarten places, student loans, cars that were free to use amongst the Pack…the list went on and on. Desmond himself had brought this concept to the pack after seeing it being absolutely successful in another pack. Since he did that, his pack had not only grown a lot but also was one of the most peaceful. That comes along with being an actual community. Desmond had learned the importance of acceptance, beginning to help werewolves who had not such a good start in their life or a rough time…The Alpha wondered what his mate would think of all of that. With how sweet she seemed, he was sure she would adore his work.

With his mind occupied by that thought, he walked into the restaurant. He sat down in his usual booth…but his beloved was not there. Desmond ordered by her colleague, waiting for her to arrive. But she did not come. His heart sunk…where was she?

Your POV

It had been your day off when your father had a bad episode of pain. His back and hip were hurting so much that he couldn’t get up from his bed. Of course you took two days off and stayed with him day and night. You had called his doctor who had taken the time to do a home visit. He had given your father some medications that eased his pain for a short time. Today was the first day that he felt better. Right now he sat in the garden, Pumpkin and Spice laying at his feet, enjoying the sun. Your mum and you were baking blueberry muffins, the kitchen smelled deliciously like the home baked goods. Tonight you would work again, but would always be available for your parents to call.

Initially you had wanted to become a nurse, but the condition of your parents has kept you occupied. You were unable to stay away from home too long, so you found a job that only would be in the afternoon and evening. That's how you ended up in the Sailor Boy, utterly grateful for your job and understanding boss. It may not have been what you wanted at first, but you were more than grateful to have something. Your mum and you put the muffins in the oven, setting the timer and sitting down. Your phone beeped and you looked at it.

William: Hey love, I am in town again, how you doing?

Y/N: Will, haven’t heard from you in forever! I’m doing fine.

William: Nice to hear that, yeah, I was on a big hike with Jeannie. Want to meet up and catch up?

Y/N: Sure, but I am only free in the mornings and noon, you okay with that?

William: Absolutely, how about tomorrow? In our Café?

Y/N: Sounds like a plan, how about 9 am and eat breakfast together.

William: Deal, see you there.

You were quite excited to see Will again. He was one, actually the only, friend you had left. Most of your friends had stopped texting you when your parents' conditions worsened. Since you refused to go out and party, which wasn’t your thing anyways, they stopped making the effort. You tried to do other things with them like going shopping together, movie nights or hikes together. That wasn’t really what most of your friends wanted. So they and you started to text less and less until you lost contact. The two friends you still had were William and Amanda. Amanda began to use you as her personal therapist, trying everything to get your attention. Manipulating you to be available to her at all times. Will told you she was bad news, you didn't listen. The brutal fallout came eventually. Both of you were left hurt.

So that only left Will. Will had no one but his girlfriend Jeannie and you, he had gone no contact with his family as soon as he moved out. For a short time he had lived with you and your family, when his flat had caught fire and he was left homeless. Will didn’t want to be a bother, but you refused to let him sleep in a dingy hotel. That was two years ago. Will had also been the one to tell you about Werewolves and other magical creatures. You didn’t believe him, that was until he had transformed into a Werewolf in front of you. You had been…a little out of it afterwards. However when he explained everything and you swore secrecy, everything went on as usual. Honestly the knowledge of magical creatures didn’t affect your daily life in the slightest. Shortly after the housefire William met his wonderful girlfriend Jeannie, she was a travel and hiking blogger. The two of them hiked and traveled the world together, often sponsored by some big company. William took the pictures and videos while Jeannie was the model. Jeannie was a lovely person, kind and so confident. You two got along so well that Will often joked if he was even needed when you all met up.

The next hours passed quickly, you thinking about tomorrow, the muffins being ready and eating a late lunch with your parents. You got ready for your work and took the bus into the city.

Half an hour later you arrived at your workplace, quickly going up into the staffrom an changing into your work clothes. After that you went down, doing your usual routine. Not even forty minutes had passed when a certain somebody entered the restaurant. Desmond, you remembered his name, was dressed in a black suit, his hair in a bun and his beard must have been freshly cut and formed. You bet that he smelled like the most expensive perfume.

You smiled at him kindly: “Hi there, how are you doing?” You asked him. Why did he look so relieved? You were missing something, you just didn’t know what. “I am good, wonderful actually.” He stepped with you on the side and a worried look was on his handsome face, his gray eyes were filled with compassion. “Is everything okay? You looked distressed the other day.” He asked, his voice was soft. Actually worried. Your bottom lip trembled, a sudden wave of sadness and exhaustion washing over you. If you thought too hard about it, you would cry. However, you caught yourself. Faking a smile you tried to ease his worry: “Yeah everything is alright, don’t worry.” You looked up at him, he was far taller than you. “May I ask what happened?” You nodded slowly: “Well my parents are chronically ill. My father had a bad episode of pain and needed me.”

The handsome man, Desmond, looked at you again with such compassion. “I know I might overstep, but you left the books behind and I took the freedom to buy them for you.” He placed a black paper bag in your hand. Your eyes went wide and you looked up at him absolutely surprised. “I cannot accept these.” You quickly said. Desmond chuckled:” I insist.” You felt guilty, you must have looked so distressed that he wanted to help you. “Let me pay you back.” You tell him, wanting to get your money. “If you pay me back I will give it as your tip.” Desmond said with a grin. “Has anyone told you before that you are stubborn?” You said with a smile. Desmond chuckled: “Actually yes. And please accept the books. I am so grateful for our conversations. After a day at the office I always look forward to it.” You grinned and answered: “Here I was thinking you’re always returning for our town's famous cocktails.” Both of you laughed at that.

“Thank you, really.” You then said a little more serious again. You blushed slightly, but then quickly remembered what you had told yourself before: He was just kind, not interested in you. You reminded yourself that he was older, a businessman and very surely not interested in a waitress from a medium sized town.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Alright, here we go

First and foremost I want to talk about what flying bark's animation has meant to me.

In a world where every day I see 2d animation being rejected for cheaper 3d and puppet animation at every turn, Monkie Kid's animation was the one of the first things that gave me hope for the future of 2D animation. I can't tell you how long I've been wanting a 2D animated show, growing up I wanted one so desperately, I craved good animation amongst the stiff 3D and flat storytelling, so when I got it, when Monkie Kid happened, I was so unbelievably happy. It was everything I wanted in a show, gorgeous animation, excellent voice actors, romance free and friendly to my desperate friendship-craving, romance-overstimulated brain and written in a way I enjoyed so much. I struggle to describe exactly how much I’ve adored everything this show has been up until this point. It truly is a masterpiece.

Monkie kid has kept me company during the lowest and roughest points in my life. I got to such a bad place mentally but Monkie Kid’s fast-paced, snappy, detailed, colourful bright animation brought light into my darkest mental times and not only helped me stay connected with people but kept me creating even when I wanted nothing more than to lay on the floor and never move again. I'm aware most of the flying bark team is active on the bird app and none of them are gonna see this most likely but I still just wanted to say thank you. Thank you so much for animating this show, thank you so much for giving it your all. Thank you so much for giving me something I’ve always wanted so perfectly. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for keeping me company at my lowest, thank you for sharing your joy of animation so I could catch some of those rays of sunlight and feel a little of that joy too. Thank you for your positivity and good vibes, thank you. 

I know so many people have gotten inspiration from flying bark and I have to add myself to the infinite list. My art has improved so much thanks to their inspiration. My style has developed, I’ve had so much fun, I’ve written some of my favorite works ever based off of expressions that the characters make alone. My last amv I made because I was so grateful for the animation that we'd gotten up to that point. I wanted to showcase, to thank, to appreciate. I didn’t know it would be a goodbye. Words can't describe all that flying bark's animation and even their storyboards have done for me. When nothing could make me happy, monkie kid wormed its way into my brain and somehow kept me in one piece. I know that wouldn’t have been possible without the animation that left me at the edge of my seat, breathless and laughing over how incredible it really was every single time. Every new clip, every new episode I’d pause and rewatch again, I’d rewatch over and over, I’d take screenshots of every goofy background character, I’d screenshot every expression I could, I’d go through episodes frame-by-frame, literally one at a time for hours on end just so i could catch every detail, I’d open my eyes wider and wider to try and take in every bit I could in a way I’ve never been able to do before because there is nothing else out there like monkie kid. There was nothing as fun and as joyful as every single frame that flying bark gave us. And I am going to miss that so much.

The fact that season 4 was a sendoff is so heartbreaking to me, it's hard to describe how devastated I feel knowing something that kept hold of my hand when I was facing hard hard things in my life is suddenly gone. I don’t know how to ever express how important this show has been to me, it’s kept me going and helped me get to a place where I could breathe again. It’s connected me with some of the greatest people I know. It’s given me incredible experiences, introduced me to what animation could be and I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt having to say goodbye so suddenly. 

I know this isn’t the end of Monkie Kid as a show. I know season 5 is still coming. And I also know Monkie Kid has lost a huge part of what made it unique and special, a huge part of its heart and soul. Without flying bark it feels like half the show is missing and although I hope I can still support the show, no one can deny the cavern-sized hole that is left by flying bark’s absence in it. The animation team has such an incredibly positive atmosphere around them that just absolutely radiates from the things they create. I am going to miss that so desperately in monkie kid. I’m going to support every other show flying bark works on, I’m still going to love their animation wherever it goes, but I am going to miss it in monkie kid like nothing else I’ve ever missed.

I do have some other thoughts regarding the new changes in monkie kid but I wanted to keep that separate from the actual farewell, so that’ll be it’s own post and I just want to end this by saying thanks for everything Flying Bark you’ve been a real one. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re already being missed so hard it hurts. Keep those good vibes and keep up what you’re doing. You all really are incredible and an inspiration to artists everywhere. We love this show because of the voice actors, because of the writers, because of the music but a great deal of people loved this show because of you. You’ve inspired a community of artists, you’ve inspired me. Thank you flying bark for everything you've given us, you gave it your all and I’m gonna carry the impact you left on me for the rest of my life. 

LOVE YOU FLYING BARK. Here's to a bright future. Thanks for everything <3 

[theerurishipper]

A few more things because I am not done talking about this finale.

I know a lot of people think that this issue of Gabriel being seen as a hero and Marinette keeping the fact that Adrien is a sentimonster and that his father is Monarch is going to come back as a major plot point, or that Gabriel isn't really redeemed and that this isn't the end. And I'm not saying I have evidence that it's not going to turn out that way, but like... this is Miraculous we're talking about.

The show which famously tries to offer sympathy to bad people because of their tragic backstory by:

Trying to half-assedly "redeem" Natalie into some kind of super mother figure for Adrien, even though she enabled and participated in his abuse for years and never showed remorse for it, or even took accountability for it. Her callously killing Sentibug is never brought up again either. And she still does not give Adrien the Amok that helps him choose for himself or tell him he is a sentimonster, and yet is framed as a good parental figure for him.

Trying to redeem Andre Bourgeois and frame him as some kind of great person by having him adopt Zoe and send Chloe to live with her abuser by disowning her, even though it's his shitty parenting that let her get to this point. And letting him get off scot-free for all the times he abused his power as Mayor.

Trying to redeem Felix by glossing over such crimes as him giving all the Miraculous to Gabe, him committing genocide, him trying to ruin his cousin's life, him victim blaming Adrien, him returning Adrien's Amok to Gabe, and many such things. All because he had a tragic backstory and cared for sentimonster rights (even though he killed two on-screen with only regret for one of them) so that clearly means that he did nothing wrong and does not need to be held accountable for those things, even though he showed no remorse for it or desire to do better.

And the show which also famously ignores major plot points and leaves them behind with little to no resolution in favor of dropping new bombs on the audience, such as:

Choosing to ignore the Ladynoir conflict in Season 4 by having Chat Noir just push aside his legitimate grievances with Ladybug's bad decisions to continue being her emotional support partner. This conflict was not addressed ever again, even in Season 5, and was left without any resolution.

Neglecting any exploration of Chat Blanc beyond some obligatory mentions now and again to remind the audience of why the show needs more seasons.

The whole plot with the alternate love interests Luka and Kagami, which was built up across a whole season and dismissed within two episodes of the next season so that the writers could focus on the new Love Square drama they came up with for Season 4.

Luka's conflict about knowing Chat Noir and Ladybug's identities, which was written out in one episode, only for it to have been ultimately pointless in favor of having Kagami know it anyway.

These are great examples of how the show neglects to build up and conclude previously established plot points and conflicts in favor of substituting them with other ones and/or does the absolute minimum to somehow write them out in order to move the story forward and focus on other new plot points that they came up with for the new season.

From these, we can understand that:

Trauma is a valid excuse for everything, and a tragic backstory frees you from accountability unless you're Chloe.

And:

Previously established conflicts are not brought up or explored in any meaningful capacity in order to make way for new ones.

Knowing this, I think it's highly unlikely that the show will ever explore this idea of Gabriel not having truly become a martyr and a hero, and that even if it is the case, it will be neglected as a plot point in order to push this Lila thing to the front. At most, we will get a moment where Adrien learns the truth and instantly forgives Marinette for doing what his abuser asked because she did it out of love, and no one will question the implications of this in any meaningful way. This is because Adrien is not allowed to have feelings that inconvenience Marinette in any way, be it his hurt at her keeping secrets from him, or now her siding with his father and outright lying to him, because his role in the story is now that of Marinette's love interest and emotional support partner, and that's all he's good for. And as for Adrien acknowledging that Gabriel was a bad father again, combining the redemption that simply having trauma gives him and the fact that Thomas "Chloe is not an abused child" Astruc doesn't seem to understand the severity of such things, I doubt we will ever see him outright reject his father ever again.

For all these reasons, I really do believe that it is wishful thinking to expect this to be addressed in any way that matters. If it is not forgotten, it will be relegated to a single moment and forgotten after. That is, if it was ever meant to be explored. The writers of this show are... not the best at dealing with this sort of thing, after all. After all I've seen, it is not surprising to me at all that Gabriel was redeemed. There is a clear trend of characters with any motivation that could be construed as sympathetic or with a tragic backstory portrayed as being justified in their actions, having their actions erased and ignored or at the very least severely downplayed for the sake of making them out to be better than they are. Gabriel has been consistently given sympathetic scenes throughout the season, which culminated in this finale which absolves him of every wrongdoing.

And I know people feel like this is clearly not the end, but that's how a lot of people felt about the Ladynoir conflict in Season 4, and look how that turned out. This show has always been bad at dealing with nuance. An abused child is portrayed as irredeemable and evil, and her enabling father is portrayed as a good person for giving up on her (I don't even like her, but damn). There is a trend of demonizing those characters who really should not be, and offering sympathy to characters who haven't earned it. I have no trouble at all in believing that Gabriel is supposed to sympathized with and redeemed by the end. He gets his happy ending, he gets what he wanted, and his actions make the world a better place.

I've seen the idea that Gabriel actually lost floating around, but did he? He already knew he was dying, and he had, to some degree, come to terms with it. And in the end, he was clearly very happy with just dying if it meant being able to make his wish. His end is clearly portrayed as him making the ultimate sacrifice to wish for a better world, as one last good thing he does for his son. It's portrayed as him asking Marinette to hide all this from him to protect him. Of course, anyone with common sense can see that this is still really controlling and manipulative, but the show pretty clearly frames it as a selfless act. The line "all the times I tried to be a good father," isn't framed as the delusional statement it is. He's smiling in that scene, surrounded by light, and that's not the framing for someone who's supposed to be read as manipulative and evil at that point. The writers seem to genuinely believe that the man was a good father at some points. I've also seen others say that clearly Gabriel was not redeemed by the end because he refused Marinette's hand, but that's not really true. He did paralyze her, but then he freed her and returned all the Miraculous, and Marinette ends the season by fulfilling his dying wishes and letting the world know he was a hero. He paralyzed her, but then he also clearly listened to her. He was also genuinely emotional. Her words did reach him and it is framed as him making a "selfless choice" even though it clearly is not.

I've also seen people say Adrien's reaction isn't necessarily acceptance of Gabriel's heroism since he might be trying to cope with his loss by convincing himself Gabriel was a hero, or that abused children often cannot recognize that their parent is not a good person. And I agree, but that is clearly not what is happening here. Adrien has already expressed disgust for who his father is, and it is possible for him to fall back onto old thoughts and feelings regarding him, but that isn't what's going on here. This here, is Adrien being fed a lie that his father was a good man and a hero by people he trusts. This is Adrien being told what to think and feel, because there are statues of Gabriel being erected and Ladybug spreading the word that he is a hero. This is Gabriel's abuse being erased to portray him as good. And Adrien, after spending the whole season working up to calling Gabriel out, ends the season with hoping to be like him.

And I've seen arguments about how episodes like Chat Blanc and Ephemeral were there to show us that Adrien facing his father isn't a good idea because his reaction makes him vulnerable, but then... why would you write that! Why would you set the protagonist up with this plot point only to write reasons to leave him out of his own plot and character arcs? What about that is good writing? It only makes this finale more deserving of critique! It is not the defense it's trying to be. It just shows they couldn't care less about their own narrative.

I get that this could lead to a potential arc about trust and honesty and all that, but... we've done that before. How many times will Marinette learn the same lesson? How many times will Adrien forgive her for it? How can you even forgive something like this? And even if it all comes to light, what purpose does this serve in anyone's arc? Gabriel is dead, so there's no consequences for him. Marinette has been "learning" the same lesson for two seasons now, and not even losing all the Miraculous made her stop keeping secrets. And what more does it contribute to Adrien's arc to have him learn the truth later rather than now? How does it add to his story to know that everyone he trusts lied to him? Nothing, if you think about it. It really takes away from his story, because he can no longer confront the man who did this to him, he can no longer get that closure, because Gabriel is gone! Sure, it'll be dramatic and all, but that's all it is! But that is how Miraculous operates: shock value and dramatic scenes over consistency and character arcs. Which is why characters like Marinette aren't allowed to retain the lessons they should have learnt ages ago, and characters like Adrien are actively pushed away from their arcs to make way for some other drama.

And this is me saying this while believing they aren't going to bring it up anyway. How many times have we seen this kind of thing happen? For a conflict to be set up only to be ended unceremoniously with no proper conclusion? What reasons are there to believe that the show will actually follow through with this plot? Other than speculation, I mean. I don't see any. The ending did not indicate that there was anything wrong with what happened. The seasons prior set up the conflicts for the next season in the finale episodes. In Season 3, we had Gabe fixing the Peacock and Marinette becoming the guardian. In Season 4, we saw Monarch rise and Marinette lose all the Miraculous. In Season 5, we see Lila get the Butterfly Miraculous and that light that scared her or whatever it was. But we never see any set up for this being a plot point. There is no point in which we are supposed to think this is wrong. A set up, for example, would be something like Marinette looking to the Gabriel statue with a frown, or Adrien feeling unsettled somehow. But there's nothing like that. For all intents and purposes, Gabriel is done and there are new threats to move on to. And removing all that stuff with Lila, it just seems like it could be a solid series finale. The conflict is over, all the characters are back and together and happy, the main couple kisses as the theme music plays in the back in a scene that's clearly the sort of scene used in the ending of a show, and no one even hints at anything being wrong. It's all audience interpretation, and quite frankly there's no real reason to believe it's setting up something. Something was already set up and it wasn't the thought that this ending is in any way flawed. It's a charming, idyllic ending where all the characters are clearly happy and content, basking in the end of Monarch.

And what he did is not clear at all. Did he not actually rewrite the world? It seems like he just traded his life for Natalie's (and Emilie's???? Is that her?), because Hawkmoth still existed here, the Alliance rings still exist, which means everything happened exactly how it did, and the only thing that's changed is that Natalie has recovered. But this just makes the "clearly something isn't right" argument less valid. This isn't Gabriel's "ideal world," which needs to be fixed, this is just the normal world, where there is a statue of Gabriel only because Ladybug told everyone he was a hero. The things that are being done are completely against everything Gabriel ever believed in, so clearly the world is not based on his ideals, and it hasn't been rewritten. So, the only one really responsible for Gabriel being seen as a hero is Marinette (this is not a criticism of Marinette btw, just the writing). This is just the normal world, and the only thing that needs to be "fixed" is that Marinette should tell the truth. But the writers clearly think that Gabriel is fully redeemed, so there isn't anything that needs to be fixed. So why would they address this plot point again? They have no reason to.

And if he did rewrite the world, then the writers just made Gabe rewrite everything and everyone's memories so that he didn't have to be held accountable by anyone, especially the son he abused. That's going to be even harder to fix.

Any resolution to something I don't believe will be resolved anyway will undoubtedly a side story or a minor plot point. Remember, this is the show which is notorious for setting up plot points only to do nothing with them in the end. Everyone was so hyped about the resolution to Luka discovering both Mari and Adrien's identities only for the writers to decide Kagami fit that role better and shittily write Luka out in one episode. Everyone was talking about how Luka keeping secrets would undoubtedly have massive repercussions only for no one to give a shit about it and simply write Luka out for a few episodes and have him come back with no consequence in the finale. And this is a pattern for this show.

All this to say that no, we're probably not going to address this. It hasn't happened before, and I doubt it will happen this time. I've tried to give this show chance after chance, but it never delivered, and I don't trust it to do so anymore. I'll take all this back gladly if it does deal with this conflict well, but as of right now, I feel very confident in putting this post up.

[khytal]

ok gamers I rewatched tristamp one more time in order to write a post about the soundtrack, and some of the stuff I found blew my socks off (even though I've seen every episode like 6 times) so buckle up because oh my god. oh my god

this will cover most of both volumes of the OST (which you can find on spotify), with a focus on wolfwood, and a little bit of vash, meryl, and the eye of michael

...and a very thorough breakdown of "drain arm" :)

notes before I get into it: -I won't be analyzing the plant song because I. already wrote an entire separate thing about that haha (a link to that doc will be in the replies section of the notes if you're interested)

-you won't need to know anything about music theory, because I'm just pointing out where certain themes come up (with the exception of "duet", but I'll explain terminology there). timestamps will be included so you can listen for them as you read

-if you're obsessed with the OST like I am, most of this probably won't be anything new x) but I hope it's enjoyable regardless

-my credentials: I was a pianist for 10 years and an oboist for 7.5 years and I only had 1 semester of intermediate music theory but I got to analyze the 1st mvt of tchaik 5 and I think that permanently altered my brain chemistry

-the tracks I recommend being familiar with to have a better grasp on this post are: -> "whistling/blues harp in the wasteland" (vash's leitmotif) -> "reality" -> "childhood memories" -> "duet" -> "human subject" (eye of michael, or EoM, leitmotif) -> "drain arm" (technically optional)

-please don't take any of my interpretations/speculation as fact! you are absolutely free to come to your own conclusions I just have a lot of thoughts about the soundtrack lol 👍

here we go :]

EP1: -you can hear a variation of the plant song in "immigrant space explorer" (0:36-1:00)

-vash's leitmotif is first heard in "no man's land" (0:41-0:48)

-only about half of "mystery man" plays, and his leitmotif (0:38-0:51) is actually cut from the scene so it's not heard at all

EP2: -"escape" has vash's leitmotif from 0:18-0:31. they also took out the lyrics in the episode's version of the track x)

-it's possible that we'll hear "might is right" or a new arrangement of it if we get to see the rest of the nebraska family in future episodes, since there were posters of marilyn. I think people largely associate the song with EG the Mine but due to the track title and the fact that it first played in this episode, I feel like it's more about the nebraskas

-I'll talk about "childhood memories" in ep12 because it's related to rem's themes

EP3: -the plant song can be heard in "compatriots" (1:01-1:11)

-"reality" is first heard here, right before the episode in which wolfwood is introduced. keep this in mind for later :')

EP4: -"undertaker" has a dissonant sax part (0:48-0:54) that's similar to the one found in "irritation" (1:05-1:11), but it's an ascending passage rather than descending. it doesn't show up anywhere else so it might become a motif we'll hear in the future, but there's no way to know until the next part is released

-"planet zaji", from 0:55-1:04, has that one part from "time left" (1:02-1:09). it's heard while wolfwood's spinning the punisher around but I think it's just something that sounds cool, and you can't really hear it anyway because of the sound effects/dialogue. if zazie gets any additional themes in the future I might have more to say on this

-vash's leitmotif kicks in in "hungry !" (0:21-0:43) when wolfwood introduces himself at the end of the episode. I really like this track I hope we'll get to hear it again x)

EP5: -I don't think there's any meaning behind "shadow" borrowing from "worms network". I'm pretty sure it was just for mood (and to be fair it is a cool track)

-you can hear vash's leitmotif at the beginning of "boy and vash". this is the part where vash is escorting rollo back to the village

-"cyborg" introduces a new 4-note pattern (0:07-0:14) that I'm calling the eye of michael leitmotif. if hearing this reminds you of episode 6 then you already understand what I mean

-"dud" has vash's leitmotif as well (2:20-2:59), which starts playing when vash is begging rollo to wake up after wolfwood kills him

-only a small part of "human subject" (0:25-0:35) is used for the final scene, right when the windmills start turning. using the EoM leitmotif as a sendoff to the empty village is. really haunting

EP6 (this is a long one I'm sorry): -the EoM leitmotif can be heard in "reborn" (0:09-0:14, but it's easier to hear in 0:26-0:30). this is the opening scene where wolfwood guns down the deserter

-they do reuse "worms network" when livio first opens fire on vash but that's more for mood in my opinion. you could say it hints at zazie monitoring the sand steamer though

-we're probably going to hear "the desert rogue" again when the bad lads gang shows up in a future episode, possibly with a new arrangement for brilliant dynamites neon (this is one of my personal favorite tracks actually. it's a shame they didn't get to use the whole thing because 0:45 to the end is really cool)

-"boyhood" contains the EoM leitmotif and it's very in-your-face in this song (1:15-2:19). in the episode itself the track gets cut at around 2:10, but in the OST the piano motif from "orphanage" can be heard one more time right at the end of the song at 2:18-2:20. which is an evil thing to do. anyway

-"nicholas the punisher" is an arrangement of "reality". let that sit for a second, maybe go listen to those two tracks or something.

okay so we can look at this in a few different ways:

-> the end of episode 3 is of course a reality check, supported by the corresponding track being titled "reality" (even though it's fabricated by nai: to suggest and then prove to the people of no man's land that vash is indeed deserving of the $$6mil bounty; and to tell vash that his presence will pose a threat to humans). you know who else is supposed to be* grounded in reality? the pragmatic nicholas d wolfwood, who's introduced at the start of episode 4 *tristamp wolfwood hasn't quite found his resolve yet, as shown by his hesitation when livio appears

-> in the scene where "nicholas the punisher" is heard, vash is insistent on rescuing livio while wolfwood pushes back and says it's too late for him. he's clearly wishing he wouldn't have to eliminate livio though, and with "reality" as the foundation of this song, it presents wolfwood's inner turmoil in a new way for the audience: vash, who is physically right there trying to persuade him that there's still hope for his brother, vs his role as "nicholas the punisher" in sound, in his mind, and the "reality" that developed along with it (death is/can be a mercy, and sometimes it's necessary to sacrifice one life to save many)

(I also want to add that while legato's dialogue shows he intended for the orphanage to be eliminated through livio's death, it seems wolfwood didn't even realize that killing livio would mean more kids would be taken by the EoM for experimentation. he thought he had to choose between livio or the children, but it was a "test" of loyalty; and legato was attempting to obtain said loyalty by force)

-> outside of the episode, if you were to just listen to this track within the OST it's very representative of his character. contrary to "undertaker", which is fairly laid-back and....honestly kind of playful (and equally reflective of wolfwood's personality, when he's relaxed), "nicholas the punisher" is a more somber and contemplative piece. the fact that it's built on "reality" already suggests that he's someone whose beliefs conflict with vash's; and even without knowing that, both of wolfwood's themes contrast with the energy of "vash the stampede" quite clearly (even if I personally don't consider that track to be vash's official theme, it's still associated with him). I think it's really interesting that vash, the quieter one, has more raucous songs while wolfwood, the one with a sharp tongue, has calmer tracks :)

you might be wondering if "orphanage" is in "nicholas the punisher" and the answer is......yes, but actually, no. but kinda if you're delusional like me. this little pattern from 0:29-0:42 in "orphanage" is found in the low brass from 0:57-1:11 in "nicholas the punisher" (although it's in a different key and has a slight variation in the 2nd half). it's not quite the same, but both phrases start by going down a half step, then down a P5 interval (D->C#->F# for "orphanage", F->E->A for "nicholas the punisher"). lastly the sand steamer's leitmotif (I guess) is also present but that's. obviously because this is happening on the sand steamer lol

-"whom to kill, whom to let live" is just a faster/more tense arrangement of "orphanage" with saxophone over it. starting at 1:07 you can hear the worms leitmotif (1:31-1:34 in "worms network")

I can't say whether or not legato is already represented in the OST because he's currently not associated with any unique tracks, but they might tie the dissonant saxophone passage from "irritation" to him. it's first heard when legato stops wolfwood from escaping the facility, and as far as I can remember it's not played anywhere else. if he plays a bigger role in the next season, which I'm sure he will, I'll be keeping an ear out for this x) (I only mention the sax thing because I don't think he's represented by the sax solo that plays in "whom to kill, whom to let live")

EP7: -a little more of "the desert rogue" is heard when the bad lads make their way onto the sand steamer but it's very hard to make out over the gang yelling in the background lmao

-we're treated to the entirety of "human subject", for the scene where livio briefly returns to himself. if you somehow weren't convinced that those repeated 4 notes had anything to do with the eye of michael, this is the last instance where it's heard: the moment livio's overcome by whatever brainwashing was used on him by the EoM

-I think most people associate "time left" with ep12 but it's first played in this episode and I believe that it was primarily composed with the ion cannon sequence in mind (though a majority of the tracks in the OST only play once for specific scenes, with some songs being cut short and getting different parts played across 2+ episodes. "irritation" and "human subject" are examples of this)

EP8: -this one's a little hard to hear because the 1st note is implied in the C drone but vash's leitmotif starts at around 0:09 in "complicity" and runs all the way to 1:06

-it's also in "home" (1:38-1:57), playing at the moment luida hands vash the red coat :)

EP9: -I've talked about this before but I really like that there's 4(?) measures of polyrhythm (2 or more differing rhythmic lines that are played within the same time signature) when vash joins in, before the brothers come together on the same even rhythm. you can see how vash's quarter-note pattern doesn't line up with nai's quarter-note triplets, and in fact, neither of them ever land or start together:

(for the sake of comprehension I wrote it out with a faster tempo to stretch the polyrhythm part over 8 bars instead of the slow tempo/4 bars. I'm not sure what the official tempo is. I think a sane person would write it at a faster tempo so that the part doesn't look stupidly cluttered but a good musician would be able to play it regardless. anyway-)

it sounds even more stilted because vash is playing on the offbeat. polyrhythm's such a great way to represent the brothers' relationship because it seems so chaotic but both lines are still in time together, following the same beats. they're so different but in the end they're still brothers who (are trying to) understand each other. and I love that vash is playing secondo, a more harmonic/supportive part, while knives has primo, where the melody/ornaments are. it says a lot about their personalities :')

since I don't know what the original sheet music looks like I can't say if this is true but you can hear that the plant song at 1:03 is played in octaves (2 notes that're the same pitch with one higher than the other). because of the nature of a duet, and the fact that this was played by the twins when they were little, the octaves were probably split between the parts. so vash was playing the lower octave of the plant song with his right hand, and nai played the upper octave with his left hand (we don't get to see this because it cuts to nai playing the song alone at that point). also: vash favors his right hand while nai favors his left

-now for something far less interesting: "last run" is a medley combining "ethics and morality", "compatriots", and "millions knives"

EP10: -"a cruel sight" seems to be unused. it was probably intended to lead into "bio-power reactor" in the scene where meryl and roberto meet elendira in the tank (given that it ends the same way "bio-power reactor" starts), but they cut it and just played a version of "bio-power reactor" without the melody

-elendira's themes ("elendira the crimsonnail" and "which is the monster?") seem to have some lyrics that're most audible in the beginning of the tracks but they're almost impossible to make out without some kind of editing software, which I don't have lol. they're already very quiet in the background and they echo, on top of sounding like they were put through autotune

also this is entering speculation territory but it makes me wonder if elendira's theme is going to evolve with her. we've seen some concept art with her having a more teenage appearance, so I think it'd be really cool if the vocals also changed accordingly

additionally she doesn't have the EoM leitmotif anywhere but she DOES have a proper 4-note chromatic pattern that descends from D in "which is the monster?" (1:32-1:35), which is the same note that the EoM leitmotif starts on. if we consider EoM's broken chromatic passage to represent the failed experiments, then elendira, with an actual chromatic passage in her theme, is a success

-"meryl's regrets" is ALSO an arrangement of "reality" :') this is the track that plays during roberto's final moment, which was. you know. the consequence of meryl running off in pursuit of the truth. the "reality" roberto had warned her about several times prior to episode 10. interestingly, while "nicholas the punisher" expands on the original track, "meryl's regrets" is a reduction--it's mostly just the baseline with some notes here and there. she doesn't have a theme yet, but 1:23-1:33 might be something we hear again if/when she gets a track associated with her

EP11: -"nicholas and meryl" is an arrangement of "boy and vash", with erhu echoing vash's leitmotif. I think it's a neat way to show through music that both of them are here because of vash :]

-the tracklist goes slightly out of order at this point for some reason. after "memory retrieval", "memory of geranium" is what plays in the final memory, when nai decapitates rem

EP12: -"memory of rem" is a combination of "childhood memories" and "memory of geranium". "childhood memories" is also found in "knives's piano", which is based on "duet". one fun way of interpreting this is that the "childhood memories" part of the duet is actually from rem, if she was the one who taught the twins how to play piano, which would make "duet" a musical representation of vash and nai's roots (pun intended. sorry). this also suggests nai misses rem, with how often he plays the piano, even if he thinks he hates her.

but "childhood memories" can also simply be seen as a theme that's associated with rem, nai, and vash's brief time together x)

-okay this is the part where I get to rant about "drain arm" because THIS SONG was literally the reason I decided I needed to rewatch stampede. I was listening to "drain arm" a couple weeks after the finale aired and I heard vash's leitmotif near the end and I was like "NO WAY!!!! HOW DID I MISS THAT"

as it turns out, it was cut from episode 12.

:)

not to worry though, I still have plenty to say about it. even if I'm a little disappointed. just. a little.

-> from 1:13-1:25, you can hear vash's leitmotif in the cello. this DID make it into the scene, and it plays when vash rises through the clouds

-> 2:44-3:10 is where some of the lyrics from vocal version of "millions knives" play: "remember how / we used to be / no turning back / sky's (skies??) falling down". although you can't actually hear the "remember how" in "drain arm" (at least not without blasting the song into your ears, which I don't recommend), it starts right when the image of vash and nai sitting in the geodome appears

-> we finally get the plant song at 3:36, when the condensed energy starts to leak out/charge. and then after it fires, but before nai dives into the beam, we hear "I still care for you" (3:44-3:52). and while it's originally from the vocal version of "millions knives", in the context of the scene I think it's a sentiment from both brothers: vash, who pleads for nai to let go and releases the energy away from him; and then knives, desperately reaching for the cube because he believes the success of his plan will ensure his family's (and especially his brother's) safety, the only ones he's ever cared about

in other words: plant song in cello = vash -> "I still care for you" -> continuation of plant song in low brass = knives. they're connected by this single sentence

-> knives's leitmotif (I didn't talk about it because it's only found in songs that signal his appearance, so it's really obvious, but yes he's got one of those) plays at 4:03 for the "nai is dead. you killed him" exchange

-> it goes back to a variation of the plant song at 4:29 (I LOVE the piano at 4:40-4:49 btw. it's so good. I could cry about it. probably)

if you've read my plant song analysis you might be wondering how to tell when it's being associated with the name millions knives instead of the plant race. since we know that a good chunk of the songs in the OST were written like a film score, the visual context (and/or the song titles themselves) can clue you in. "drain arm"'s use of the plant song is meant to highlight that vash and nai aren't human, so it's the latter

-> now here's the part that was removed, probably due to the runtime: vash's leitmotif in the cello again, from 5:03-5:09. if you revisit the part right before nai lets go of the cube, you'll hear that it skips these 6 seconds and goes straight to knives's theme ("but that's the plant song!" yes. we'll get to that in a sec). this missing bit right here?? fucks me up EVERY time. it's the most mournful his leitmotif has ever sounded, appropriately so, and it's absolutely criminal that it wasn't included. especially because knives's theme, the plant song melody, follows it up on violin as the cello continues to play a line in harmony.

and it's knives's theme because in this moment it's about him dying, not the plants. they spent a whole season tricking us into thinking that the plant song was knives's theme, and then they used it to send him off.

-> and then july city explodes o7

as much as I'd love to hear "drain arm" again for another chance to let the weight of vash's motif come through, I think it's too intertwined with this scene to be recycled. like. maaaaaaaybe they could use it for fifth moon if that's supposed to be the climax of the next part but they kinda?? already did the "fire a really big laser at the sky" thing? anyway yeah I'm totally normal about "drain arm". so normal

Extras: -the punisher and the double fangs have these cool sound effects when they transform and it kinda makes me think that their guns are built from lost tech, if the punisher's laser cannon wasn't evidence enough of this

-there's no equivalent of "sound life" in stampede, and I don't think there's going to be one. however, I do think that it would make a lot of sense if rem taught the boys how to play piano, because we could get something like:

-> rem asks vash about the plant song (the memory in ep12) -> she gives the boys piano lessons -> she helps them compose "duet"

-they didn't use "stampede out" for this season but I really hope we'll hear it in the next part. I know it's just a longer version of "escape" but it's a fun song :]

-this is. obvious but you can hear "gate" in "millions knives". no idea if they'll put "gate" into more songs, especially for vash now that he seems to have some control over it

-there's also something kinda fun with key signatures too: -> "millions knives" is in b minor -> vash's leitmotif is in d dorian (of course this changes depending on the key signature of whatever track it's used in) -> "undertaker" is also in d dorian -> I think songs associated with no man's land/humanity are usually in some dorian scale or specifically the key of a minor but this is solely based on jeneora rock since july city had its own unique theme so I'm not totally sure yet. "duet" is in a minor by the way -> "nicholas the punisher" is in d minor. if "undertaker" is tied to humanity (which is tied to vash) then "nicholas the punisher" is linked to the other side: knives, through the EoM. it adds another interesting layer to the contrast between wolfwood's two themes, but I don't consider this to hold any meaning lol -> I WILL say that b minor is the relative minor of D Major, so having knives and vash's songs be written in those keys was likely deliberate. and what makes it really interesting is that to get d dorian, you take a D Major scale and lower the 3rd and 7th notes by a half step

-I'm not 100% sure but I think plucked piano strings were used to create the low, scratchy string sound effect in some of the songs (one example is literally at the beginning of "irritation"). I think it's really cool that piano is everywhere in the soundtrack, but not necessarily by hitting the keys

-I am unbelievably excited for livio's/razlo's themes because they have the opportunity to do some REALLY COOL things with the music for them. we might not get them in part 2 (though I think we will) but whenever it happens I'll be so ready for it >:)

and that's all!! o(-< thank you for reading! if you actually took the time to go through all of this with the soundtrack pulled up, I'm. impressed. i think. anyway I'm a big fan of OSTs with strong storytelling and tristamp's OST is no exception :]

if you've got questions, feel free to ask ^^ I definitely didn't cover everything I just picked out whatever I thought was worth mentioning. which was uhhhh quite a bit x)

(also again if you're interested in reading the plant song analysis I did it's in the replies section of the notes 👍 I recommend reading it on a computer though)

[regulusrules]

Hi! Okay so you seem like a very well-read person and I’d love to know if you have a list of your favorite Merlin fics. I just bookmarked all the ones you recommended in relation to the 10 best episodes and now I need more! I’m going on a training camp and would love to have something fairly long to download to my kindle so I can read on flights and when I don’t have data 🥰

Thanks so much in advance!

(Also, I LOVE your writing, I’m so glad to be part of this fandom with talented people like you!)

Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words! OF COURSEE I'd love to recommend you some fics! Likewise— the creativity of this fandom never ceases to amaze me :)

*cracks knuckles and pretends my eyes aren't lighting up rn because my time has finally come*

Long fic recs (50K-100K+)

1. to the world that never let you be by ImperialMint. Look. I'll hand out my own throat so willingly to any scar reveal fic. The trope is just so dear to my heart, and this one in particular was something else. It broadly covered every single feeling you might be looking for in a Merlin fic, and its characterization of both Arthur and Merlin was top tier. I basically sell my soul to any fic that does justice to their characterization, and this one did so much more than that.

2. What I'd Have Done by @flight-of-fantasy. I solemnly swear you will never read something like this fic. I read it in one day from how on edge I was all the time. I had to recount it to my friends in the timespan of three hours because of how much screaming and dramatic pauses there was. Simply, the brilliance of plot here is unmatched. Arthur's characterization as a strategist shook my innards, and Merlin's unapologetic nature was chef's kiss. It's so hard not to give away the plot while recommending this so just.. just read it.

3. Redemption by flakedice, Zerda. Soon, you will find a parallel post to the best 10 episodes with the worst 10, featuring first and foremost The Disir. Honest to God, I could literally go on ages ranting about how much agony this episode brought me. It was the blow that awoke my eyes to the possibility of fuck, this show isn't going to end well. I once thought about shitting on that episode like I did with 5×13 in My heart is readily yours, but fics like these hold me back because they already gave us everything. It gave us the ending we deserved. Gold. Everything in this was gold. The world building, the character development, the fact that Arthur has been given time. Truly a fix-it that fix-ed my heart.

4. Talking about deviations from The Fucking Disir, The World I Built for You by Fulgance is a must. It was the first fic I've read from the How They Didn't Find Out (magic reveal one-shots) series, and from then on I was * s o l d *. Whichever fic you decide to read from this, I guarantee you, you will have the time of your life. Fulgance is the one author I will always recommend without a shadow of a doubt. There is not a single work of theirs that will disappoint you. They will only break you.

5. Deep In My Heart I'm Concealing by @citharaposts. True story about this fic, I squealed when I read its summary. “I'm not standing here as a king, Merlin!” was the quickest catalyst to ever make me start a fic. I specifically wrote a spoiler-free comment for the author and left it in the first chapter so that anyone who's thinking about whether or not to go into yet another 100K fic will rest assured that it's an amazing ride. Have real fun with this one.

6. It Was One Kingdom, Once by queerofthedagger. Two things, if they happen, you leave everything behind and go thank your God for blessing you with it: @queerofthedagger posting a new Merlin fic, and it being a Royal Hanahaki AU. Like so many other tropes the author has nailed, this was the best Hanahaki I've ever read (across fandoms). It's so intricate and detailed and the world building is on another level. If our world was burning and I had only one thing to save, it'll be the works of this author.

Hope I helped, and hope you have so much fun in your camp!◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕

[Short fic recs]

[elegantjellyfishwerewolf]

My top villains (from dumb to smart)

Warning: This post is not intended to offend anyone, the author is just sharing his observations

In this post, I decided to make up the top villains of trollhunters from the dumbest to the smartest (as for me, such tops are much more interesting than the placement of characters by strength, because in most cases you already know who will be in first place). The actions of villains from trollhunters only will be evaluated here.

10) Morgana:

Her main problem is that she does using her arsenal of spells on maximum and instead of attacking with shots of magical energy from a safe distance, she creates small energy daggers and goes into close combat, although this makes no sense (it is as if gunmar, fighting with his sword, tried not to hit the opponent with a sharp blade, but tried to hit him with the hilt of the sword). Her second fatal mistake is that she gave Angor freedom and was genuinely surprised when he betrayed her and decided to take revenge for everything she did to him (What prevented her from taking Angor's soul again so that he would not betray her at the most crucial moment?). And can someone explain to me why she didn't kill Merlin at the end of the third season? That is, she just tossed him from side to side, throughout the series she said how she wanted to kill him, and then just left him alive and went to deal with the hunter?

9) Otto:

For some reason, he sincerely believed that Gunmar cared about changelings and that Gunmar would lead them to a bright future. But what a surprise! It turns out Gunmar didn't care about changelings from the beginning, well, yes, he never hid his disdain for them. Someone will call it loyalty, but for me it's dibilism when you betray the current head of the Order of Janus and instead of taking the vacant throne yourself, you kindly waited for the tyrant who eventually used you.

8) Bular:

As for me, Bular is one of the most impulsive characters in the whole series. The most striking example is when in the second series, literally in the middle of the day, in a place where there could be unwanted witnesses, he decided to attack a new hunter and, as expected, was defeated. He also continues to underestimate his opponent, even when Jim killed stalking, it is not surprising that with such disregard for the enemy, he died before all the antagonists.

7) Goblin from the episode about creepslayerz:

He appeared relatively little on the screen compared to other villains, but during this time he, firstly, set Steve and Eli on Jim, and secondly, led the Creepslayerz on a false trail, thereby preventing them from finding out about their plans ahead of time.

6) Gunmar:

My main problem with Gunmar is that without asking for any proof, he believed all the nonsense that the Dictatus told him. I also think that Gunmar should be aware of the technical superiority of people (at least from Strickler's presentation) and that is why, instead of sending changelings to intercept at least a couple of warheads, he arranges their genocide. It's really funny that in the end Morgana needed a changeling to free him, and I'm just wondering what he would have done if Nomura and Strickler hadn't been in town? (I think he would catch a random person on the street and give him free troll language lessons)

5) Nomura:

She doesn't rank higher in the rankings just because she underestimated Jim in the first season. To be honest, I can't remember if she has had similar mistakes before, and compared to previous places, she is much less impulsive.

4) Angor:

As for me, Angor from the first season is a reference villain, almost all of whose actions are thoughtful and balanced decisions, for example, he reasonably did not trust Strickler and his promise that he would let him go as soon as trollhunter will die, so he did not immediately kill Jim, but only intimidated him so that our troll hunter had more reasons to make a deal with Angor and steal infernacopula. Well, the most striking example is that Angor will first study his enemy, and only then go into battle. if they hadn't made a cartoon villain out of him at the end of the first season, who, instead of immediately stabbing his defeated opponent, rolls up a long monologue about how weak our new hunter is without his friends, then in this top you Angor would have stood much higher (but despite this, he is still one of my favorite characters).

3) Usurna:

You might reasonably ask why she stands so high in the top if she supported Gunmar on an equal footing with Otto? To which I will answer that unlike Otto, who was looking forward to the return of the cruel lord, Usurna tried her best not to let Gunmar escape from the dark lands and joined him only when she knew for sure that he had returned, in fact, she simply chose the strongest, and therefore the winning side. And I think it's worth admitting that no matter how mean a bitch she is, she can reasonably reason that by sacrificing a pair of cubs of Kruber, she will thereby delay Gunmar's desire to attack her people for a sufficiently long time, and if the dark lord still falls, she can say that her children were simply kidnapped (which was common at that time (if we recall the background of the creation of changelings) so no matter how you look at it, in any case, it remains a winner.

2) Strickler:

(who could doubt that he would be so high in the ranking) I am still sure that he helped in the liberation of Gunmar only out of fear of Bular, because as soon as Bular fell, Strickler immediately took the vacant throne, leaving Gunmar in the dark lands. Strickler, as well as Angor, will not be the first to rush into battle, he will most likely just shift all the dangerous and dirty work to someone else, since the status allows. Also, he always plans an escape plan if something goes wrong, if he hadn't created a magical connection with Barbara then he wouldn't have had any leverage on Jim and therefore the hunter wouldn't have had any reason to protect Strickler from Angor. He is not in the first place only because instead of hiring a hired sniper who would quickly kill a young hunter and left, no! instead, he awakens an ancient killer who, if he can take the ring, will kill his unfortunate master first thing. Although if he also awakened Angor in order to strengthen his status as the head of the Order, then there are no complaints, but due to the fact that in the series itself Strickler said that he brought Angor only to kill Jim, then alas it was too unjustified a risk

1) Dictatious:

To begin with, he was able to survive in the dark lands for several centuries, so he was also able to become the right hand of Gunmar himself, who clearly respects only the strong, and the Dictatus, to put it mildly, is a so-so warrior. Further, after the Dictatus lost his sight and became virtually useless to Gunmar, he was still able to remain his most trusted subordinate (yes, this whole topic with Morgan's visions looks ridiculous to me, given that the Dictatus had no evidence of the truthfulness of his words, but most importantly, it worked). Also, the Dictatus has never had an insane devotion to Gunmar, he joined him only because otherwise he would not have survived, which is why he so easily switches to the side of the hunter and at the end of the series remains to chill in Toby's house.

[janicho88]

When It All Falls Apart - Chapter 9

Pairing- ex!Jensen x Padalecki Reader

Word count- 5,300

Warnings- Some language. Dealing with a breakup. Sad reader. Angst, If I missed something let me know!

A/N- Back at a convention we go. Someone lets the cat out of the bag here with the breakup. A little off canon, SPN ended after 10 years. We still got all the characters in during that time though. Thank you to @writercole and @leigh70 for your help with this. You two are amazing!!

Summary-Y/N Padalecki loved acting on Supernatural.  Working alongside your older brother and your boyfriend, but after ten seasons the guys have chosen to hang up the guns.  Now the three of you are moving on to other projects, but that’s all that needs to change right?  While you have moved to Austin to be closer to your family and boyfriend, Jensen is working elsewhere.  Distance is only the start of your troubles.

Series Masterlist

Turns out you really didn’t have a lot of time to think things over once you returned home.  Jared was at the studio, and Gen had her hands full with a wild child and a smelly dog.  You leave her with Tom and take Sadie outside for a bath.  When you come back inside Tom wants you to play with him.  

Jared comes home with your script for the first episode, they had to rework a few things for it.  Before bed you spend some time reading it over and making notes for yourself.  

When you wake up and go down to a late breakfast on Thursday, Gen starts asking about your flight.

“What flight?”

“Aren’t you flying out today, so you can be there all day tomorrow?”

“What are you…OH CRAP THE CONVENTION!”

Jared comes back from his run just as you finish yelling.  “What happened?” he asks, looking between you and his wife before you are dashing from the room.

“I think she forgot it was convention weekend, and that she is supposed to leave today,” Gen tells her husband.

“Got it.”

After a quick shower you are running around your room picking out clothes.  Someone knocks and you holler at them to come in.  Gen walks in looking at the clothes thrown on the bed and the open bathroom bag on the dresser.

“Do you have anything around for this weekend yet?”

“Um, no.  Do you remember ever seeing con pictures of me in this top?” you ask her, holding up a black dress shirt.

“Yes, but only because there is a picture of us together, I have.”

“Crap.”  Throwing that in the no pile you move back to the closet.

“What time is your flight?”

“4:15, should probably leave here around 1:30.  Which is oh, about two hours away now,” you reply with a grimace. 

“What can I do to help?” she asks.

“My bathroom travel things are in the bathroom cabinet.  I hope.  I don’t know why I unpacked that stuff.  Could you throw it in the travel bag please?  There should be hair crap, body wash, face cream, lotion. Whatever makeup is on the counter. Oh and toothbrush and paste.  Will definitely need those, no one wants to get close to the girl with morning breath.” 

Finally figuring out 2 outfits for the days you are there, and one for karaoke, you run out to the pool building to grab your swimsuit.  You never know if you will have time for a swim, but you would rather have it with you and not use it than leave it at home and have free time.   Throwing in some workout clothes and pajamas you are finally good to go.  You pack your carryon bag with your wallet, computer, headphones, a book and some snacks.  

Thirty minutes later your bags are sitting by the bedroom door.  “Okay, I think I’m good to go.”

“Only a small tornado left in your wake.”

Raising an eyebrow you look at Gen, not sure what she means.  She points her finger around your room and you look with a groan.  You currently have more clothes on the bed and floor than are likely in the closet.

“I’ll help you pick ‘em up.”

Half an hour later the room is back together and you won’t have to worry about it when you get home Saturday night.

“Gen, I ever told you you are a lifesaver?”  You ask your sister-in-law as you walk out of your room.

“Eh, it’s been awhile,” she jokes with you.  “But I’m happy to help.”

Taking your things downstairs, you find Tom and Jared on the living room floor building with legos.

“Aunt Y/N, wanna build with us?”

“I can for a few minutes.”

“Are you leaving again?”

“Yeah, I’m off to Orlando, Florida this time.”

“Where’s that?”

“East of here,” he just looks at you, “not that that means anything to you.”

He turns to his dad, “are you leaving too?”

“Saturday morning bud.  That’s in two days, and I’ll be gone for two days.”

“You’re flying out in the morning?” you question.

“Yeah, figured I’d come a little earlier.  They moved some of our stuff around to get more in on Saturday since you won’t be there Sunday.”

“Oh, thanks for doing that.  Sorry you had to.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

After spending a few minutes building a Lego town, you all break for lunch before Jared drives you to the airport.  He tells you to have a safe trip and gives you a hug before getting back in the car and taking off.  

Once you clear check-in and security, you walk around the familiar space, before sitting down and pulling out your book.  It’s finally time to board and you are ready for takeoff.  You’re a little nervous about how this weekend is going to go, and the sooner it’s over with the better. 

After collecting your luggage at the Orlando airport, you look around for Mike and finally see him hurrying through the doors.  You wave at him to get his attention, he slows a little but is still moving quickly.

“Sorry, traffic was a lot worse than I thought it would be.”

“It’s no problem, I just got my bag.  How are you doing?”

“I’m good, thanks.  How about you?”

“I’m fine.”

The trip to the hotel took longer than usual also.  Mike was right about the current traffic.  While the convention and most of the guests were staying at the Doubletree Hotel, they had the cast at Embassy suites.  It was a few minutes away, but not too bad.

Mike had your hotel key with him, and asked if there was anywhere you needed him to stop before dropping you off.  You told him no, and he went right to the hotel. 

You found your way up to the room without any problem. It’s close to 9, and your stomach is grumbling.  You head down to the cafe in the hotel before it closes to grab something for dinner. The dining area is in the middle of the main floor. 

Looking up you can see the walkways on every floor around it.  Instead of sitting at the bar, you grab a table off to the side.  While you are picking at your sandwich, two hands clamp down on your shoulders and whisper “gotcha.”

You can’t help but scream out.

“Oh shit, way to go Bri,” Kim says as she sits down across from you.

You hold up your hand and repeat, “sorry, sorry,” to those still dining around you.  At least this late there aren’t too many people around.

Briana sits down next to you and picks a fry out of your half eaten basket, “sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, I didn’t even see you two walk in.”  You look at the pajamas they’re wearing, “how was the pj party?”

“It was good.  Lots of fun, like usual,” Kim tells you.

“Yeah, I get alcohol in there now, it’s fuckin great,” Bri agrees. 

“So what are you doing here so early?” Kim asks.

“I had to change my schedule around because I can’t stay on Sunday.”

“Oh something exciting going on?  Has to be to pull you away from Jay,” Briana questions.

“Not really exciting, I just have to leave Saturday.”

The girls look at each other, then back at you.  “You aren’t telling us something.  We’ll let it go for now, but we will get it out of you,”  Kim says in her best Carrie Martin voice.

“Okay, mom.”

Thankfully, they change the subject and talk about what has been going on with themselves the last few weeks.  You are pretty vague when it comes to yourself.  Before long, you are all calling it a night and heading up to your respective rooms.

The beeping of your alarm wakes you Friday morning, with a groan you get up to start your day.  It’s early enough, you can make your way to the second floor where the outdoor pool is located.  Hopefully a few laps will help you wake up.  Back in the room you go through your morning routine of making yourself presentable for all the photo ops you will have.  Your cell notifies you of an incoming text, letting you know Mike is on his way.

He drops you off at the convention hotel, at one of the back entrances.  Chelsea is waiting for you at the door.  

“Hey!” you greet her with a hug before moving inside.  “Nice to see you again.”  You never know who your handler will be until you arrive at the conventions.  You work with Chelsea a lot, but it’s not uncommon to have one of the other girls.  As long as it’s not Victoria, you’re good.

She hands you a coffee and starts going over your schedule on the way to the green room.  First up on the schedule is a 10 am Meet and Greet (M&G). She leads you down when it gets closer and takes her seat in the corner as you greet the fans and answer the questions.

As that half an hour winds down, Adam Fergus comes in the side door.  “Someone’s got an early start to her day.  I don’t usually see you around this early.”

“Yeah, my schedule is a little off this weekend.  I’m guessing if you’re here then our time is up.” With a frown you turn to the group of fans.  “I had a lot of fun with you all, thank you.”

You wave to them as everyone gets up and they are being led to the exit.  Walking over to Adam you give him a hug in greeting, you don’t have time to catch up because his M&G group is being brought in.

Back in the green room they have some pictures for you to sign. You hear DJ Qualls take the stage for the first panel.  Julian Richings, has the second.  He doesn’t make it to many conventions, so it is always nice to see him.  You mentally make a note that you want to get a picture with him before he leaves. 

You have various photo ops, and a panel with Kim and Briana later in the afternoon.  After the day programing wraps up, a good two hours of autographs.  It’s a little after 6, by the time you are finished.  Bri and Kim are already done, Adam and David are also finishing up, everyone else is gone. A group text had gone out earlier about ordering dinner to be delivered to the hotel tonight.  As the three of you get in the car to go back to the hotel, Bri lets you all know it’s on the way now and there are some tables by the pool where you can all eat.

Arriving back at the hotel, the three of you all head to your rooms to change before meeting them for dinner.  You throw your suit on under your clothes, and head to the outdoor pool area. 

Rich is still at the convention center for Dick chat, but you, Kim, Bri, David, Adam, DJ, Julian and Sam Smith are all back at the hotel.  Conversation flows a little more freely when there isn’t anyone else around.  They do have some questions about Jensen and his new suit you have to field.

“Did you get to see him in that suit when you were in Toronto?” Kim asks.

“What she really wants to know is, did you get to do him in that suit?” Bri interjects, and the guys all groan.

“No, I never made it to set, they keep things pretty tight up there,” you tell them.

“Yeah they do.  Suit couldn’t have been much tighter.”

“Not what I meant Bri.”

“Has he told you any behind the scenes secrets?” Sam asks.

“Nope, I know probably as much as you guys do.”

You do your best to turn the conversation to other topics and away from you or Jensen, when it seems to quit working you go hop in the pool.  Before too long you need to get ready to go back for Karaoke.  

Adam, David, DJ, Julian, Sam and you, all are going back.  Bri and Kim are bowing out of this one.  When you arrive back, the fans are still watching the screening of ‘Yellow Fever.’  There are a variety of drinks set up in the green for you all. 

Adam looks over the table, “what flavor of ‘apple juice’ shall we start with?”

“Something we aren’t going to regret tomorrow morning, would be great,” you tell him.

“Chicago was your own fault Lil Pad, you all were shooting them back a bit quick,” he fires back.

“I blame Bri,” you say with a shrug.

It isn’t long before the film is over and the stage is set for karaoke.  With your red solo cups the six of you make your way on stage, while Adam draws the first name.  Those that come on stage give it their all, and the crowd is singing along too.  Adam is all over the stage and starts running up and down the aisles as well, which keeps not only his handler, but others busy watching him as well. 

An hour and a half later, the event is winding down and you’re definitely ready to get back to the hotel and relax before bed.  Well, after you pack.  You aren’t used to leaving on Saturday afternoons.  

The next morning there are two cars to take nine of you over to the convention hotel a little after nine.  Adam, David and Jason don’t have to be there until ten.  There is breakfast waiting in the green room along with the group's Starbucks order.  Rob is talking with the band before looking for you.

“Y/N, did you text me the song you wanted to sing tonight?  I can’t seem to find it.”

“I won’t be at the concert tonight, sorry guys.  I head out this afternoon.”

“What?  That is unacceptable,” he jokes with you.  “Is your other half going to cover for you?”

“I have no idea what they are doing tonight.”

Rob, Rich and Louden Swain soon take the stage to start the day and then they call you, Bri, Kim and Sam to the stage.  Things are going well, you all are talking, joking, and occasionally answering questions.  At least until a little over halfway through when you get a question that catches you completely off guard.

A girl comes up to the mike and looks right at you.  “My question is for Y/N.”

“I know her, she’s right here,” Kim jokes, pointing to you.

“What do you have for me sweetie?”

“How could you break up with Jensen?”

The whole room goes quiet, you stare at the girl, and everyone else is looking at you. “What?” you finally stutter.

“He announced it this morning during an interview.”

Everyone is still looking at you,  Sam is one of the first to recover.  “Um, maybe this isn’t the…’

“Thanks, Sam, it’s alright.  I don’t know what Jensen said about this.  But we both have different projects we’re working on.  And um, I guess you hope things are going to work out one way, but sometimes life has other plans.  I would appreciate though, if um, there weren’t any more questions on this right now.  It’s supposed to be a fun weekend, let’s not bring it down okay?”

You try and focus on the last twenty minutes of the panel, but your brain keeps going back to that girl's question, and how could Jensen do that today?  Why did he feel the need to announce it during an interview even?

When Rob and Rich come back on stage with the band you barely wait for them to start singing you off before you are gone down the steps.  You see your brother right behind the curtain, he pulls you into a hug and walks with you back to the green room area.  

“Are you alright?” he quietly asks.

“Just great.  Have you seen the interview?”

“Not yet.”

You ignore Victoria sitting in the corner with a smug smile and go to the opposite side of the room with Jared.  Pulling out your phone you search for the interview.  Bri, Kim and Sam had been following you two, but they realize what you are doing and move to give you some room.  Finding the video you push play.

Jensen is with Karl, Jack, Chase, Anthony, and sitting right next to him is Claudia.  Watching the interview from this morning's talk show appearance, you aren't really paying attention to what’s being said, just trying to find the spot where Jensen throws you under the bus.  

The interviewer makes a comment about how some of them have said they don’t want their parents to watch, but what about their significant others? 

Claudia is the first to do anything, she laughs before speaking.  “Well, Anthony is the only one of us currently in a relationship, so he’ll have to take that one.”  

You notice Jensen makes a slight movement to look at Claudia out of the corner of his eye, and some of his castmates are looking at him as Anthony answers.  When he’s finished the interviewer turns it back to Jensen.

“Aren’t you dating your former co-star, Y/N Padalecki?”

Claudia speaks up before Jensen can say a word, “ not any more she came up here just to break up with him because he was working.”  She leans closer to your ex, and you can’t help but notice the way she is rubbing her hand up and down the top of his leg.  Yeah, you aren’t so sure something isn’t going on there.

“We’re so sorry to hear that,” Don, Dan, whoever says to Jay.

“Long distance doesn’t work out for everyone, and I guess we just wanted different things,” Jensen finally speaks up. 

The interviewer moves the topic back to the show and continues on.

“I cannot believe him.”

“In his defense,” your brother starts, “he didn’t really announce the breakup.”

“He had to have been talking about it with her, and he didn’t make a move to stop her, did he?  Didn’t take him long to move on.”

You turn around and notice your friends on the other side of the room trying not to look at you.  With a sigh, you drop your head back and know you have some explaining to do.  Before you can get very far, a nervous Chelsea comes and tells you you are needed for your VIP M&G and then photo ops.

 After your solo ops, you have photos with the ladies.  Even though they want to ask, there is no time for questions now.  Jared comes down for his ops with you, when those are finished you are done with photos for this convention.  You give Chris a hug and tell him thanks before you follow your brother and handlers out of the room.  The last of your autographs are next, it takes well over an hour for you to finish up.  There are some comments about you and Jensen, mostly I’m sorry to hear you broke up.  But a few rude ones, that couldn’t understand why you would do that.

Walking into the green room you notice almost everyone is in there, since there is a little bit of a break.  Grabbing a water you sit on the edge of a table, with Jared coming up next to you.

“I know you all want to know what’s going on, so here it is.  Yes, Jay and I aren’t together anymore.  No, I didn’t go up to Toronto just to break up with him.  It just happened while I was up there.  I’m just not really ready to talk more about it right now.”

They all nod, Sam comes over and gives you a hug, Bri and Kim are right behind her.

“This the reason for the schedule change?” Bri quietly asks.  You just nod.

Looking at the time, you make sure everything you were supposed to have autographed is done.  The few things you have gotten out of your bag are packed back up.  Jared is about to head to one of his M&G’s, you give him a hug before he goes.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Liar.  Have a safe flight.  I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Thanks.  Hope all goes well here.  Have a safe flight tomorrow.  See ya soon.”

You tell the rest of the group goodbye before you head out.  You still have a little time before your 3:30 flight, but you want to get out of there before Jensen arrives.  Once you are all checked in at the airport, you find a quiet spot to sit, and go through your phone.  You know you shouldn’t, but you bet the comments are flying about you right now.  You aren’t wrong.

Earlier that morning up in Toronto, Jensen is boarding the plane for Florida.  He finds his seat, throws his bag up top and sits down with a huff.  He hadn’t had the morning he was expecting to.  

His phone went off early this morning, someone from the show calling to tell him he was needed for an interview at the studio.  Jesse was sick and unable to make it, they were asking him to fill in.  He hurries to get cleaned up and make sure he has everything he needs to fly down for the convention.  

Everyone else is already at the studio, they do a quick hair and makeup fix on him. Karl comes over to see how he’s doing.

“Ready for ya trip?”

“I think so.”

“Ya talked to her since she left?”

“No.  But I don’t know what more she wanted from me. I haven’t figured out if I want to see her or not.  Haven’t talked to Jared either.  That’ll be interesting.”

“Maybe, ya just needed some time apart, and you two can work it out this weekend.”

“If it was space she needed, she wouldn't have broken up with me when she came up here.  We had plenty of space living in two different countries.”

What neither man notices is Claudia hanging around behind them.

When it’s almost time, they have the cast take a seat and the interviewer comes out and sits across from them.  Getting the cue from the studio they start rolling. Everything was going fine until the question about spouses came up and Claudia started talking.  Jensen is too busy trying to figure out how she knows to even speak.  He looks at her out of the corner of his eye before slightly looking at Karl, who is also looking at him.

Once his mind catches up he tries to shut the topic down before anymore can be said.  When the camera moves away from him, he moves Claudia’s hand off his leg.  By the time the interview is over, he can’t stay and question her about it, he has to get to the airport.   He sends Karl a text on the way.

Any idea how she knew that?

Karl and Eric are the only two up here he had talked to about this.  He gets a reply a short time later,

Not a bloody clue.

Once he gets to the airport, he doesn’t have a lot of time before the plane is supposed to take off.  He is hoping since a number of fans will already be busy at the start of the convention day, word of the interview will take awhile to get around.  There is nothing on his phone when he powers it down before takeoff.  Sitting back he spends the flight looking over the final script of the season.

Arriving at the hotel, Mike gives him his room key and Jensen tells him he'll be back down in ten minutes.  That gives him time to find his room, leave his bag, and change out of the airport clothes.

Clif is waiting at the back entrance of the convention center when he is dropped off there. He follows him up to the green room, where Victoria is waiting.

“Jensen, great to see you again. Hope you’re doing well.”

“Fine, thanks. You?”

“Good.  I’m happy to be here.  The suit reveal you posted on Instagram was amazing.  I can’t wait until the show premieres.”

“Thanks. So, what’s first on my schedule?” he asks when she doesn’t tell him.

“Oh, solo pictures in a few minutes, then with Misha.  You have a short break before the VIP M&G, then the regular one.”

“Ok. Do you know where Y/N is?”

“She’s around somewhere.”

He gets through his photo ops, and looks for you on his way to the M&G’s.  He doesn’t see you around anywhere.  It’s about halfway through the main M&G when someone mentions they are sorry to hear about what Y/N did.

He’s slightly confused, “what did she do?”

“How she came up to Toronto to, well you know…”

It suddenly clicks, the interview.  Guess word got around.  “Y/N’s an amazing woman, but unfortunately things didn’t work out.”

“How does this affect you and Jared?”

“If one of us comes on stage tomorrow with a black eye, you’ll know,” he tries to joke.

Finally making it through that half an hour he is escorted back to the green room.  Sam is the only one in the room and she is getting ready to go back to photos.  He grabs a water and sits at one of the tables, pulling out his phone and scrolling through it.  Opening twitter he receives a notification he’s trending, and so are you.  “If we’re both trending, I bet I know what that’s for,” he mumbles.

“Who’s fault is that?” a voice behind him asks.

Taking a deep breath, he readies himself to turn around and face his best friend.  Who also happens to be your older brother.

“Hey Jare.”

“Ackles.  You didn’t answer my question.”

He holds up his hands, “Look man, I never intended for that to come out this morning.  I don’t even know how she knew.”

“You didn’t tell her?  The two of you seemed pretty close.”

“The only two I’ve talked to are Karl and Eric.  I haven’t talked to you, because she’s your sister, so I didn’t know where that put us.”

“That makes two of us.  What happened between you two, Jay?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know what more she wanted from me.  I thought we were fine.  Then she comes up to Toronto and tells me she can’t do it anymore.  Where did that even come from?”

“She’s been hurting for awhile, but the one person who was supposed to notice it, didn’t have a fucking clue.  In case you were wondering, that was you.”

“Then why didn’t she talk to me about it earlier?”

“Did you two even talk anymore?”

“Of course we did.”

Jared raises his eyebrows and slowly nods.  “Really? All I know is, I’ve heard her cry, both before and after she went to see you.  Gen and I were hoping going up to visit would have made things better, but it didn’t.  I’ve seen the hate she is getting today, she was blindsided in her morning panel because of your interview.”

“Where is she?”

“She’s gone.”

“Back at the hotel?

Jared looks at his watch, “no, she should be landing in Austin in about 30-40 minutes.”

“She left the convention?”

“Yeah.”

In that moment, knowing you were already gone, he had his answer.  He had been hoping to see you.  “Was it because of the interview?”

“No, she had already planned it.

“She didn’t want to see me.”

Jared shrugs, but they both know the answer.

“What about you?” Jensen asks him.

“Your mug is pretty ugly to look at.”  Jensen rolls his eyes before Jared continues.  “She keeps telling me not to let what happens with the two of you interfere with our friendship.  But it’s hard not to be upset with the guy that hurt my sister.  You have no idea how much I would love to take a swing at you right now.”

He nods in understanding, “I guess I could possibly deserve that.  But she isn’t the only one that was hurt here.  She blindsided me with that breakup,” Jensen tells him before he walks over to where Victoria is signaling him from.

The two men go out for their autograph sessions a little quieter than usual.  Clif asks them after what their plans are for the night, but both just opt to go back to the hotel and their respective rooms.  The next morning is a quiet ride with Clif back to the convention hotel.  

The guys are in the green room waiting for the start of the Gold Panel.

“I, uh, talked with Gen last night.  Y/N, got home safe last night.  She was still a bit upset at being caught off guard like that.  I told Gen what you said about the interview.  Not sure Y/N will believe us though.”

“Thanks, man.  Um, how’s Tom?”

“Good.  Keeps us on our toes, for sure.  I can’t imagine how crazy it’ll be with two.  He asked yesterday before I left when he could talk to you again.”

“I miss my buddy.  Wait.  Did you say two?”

“Yeah.”

“Gen’s pregnant?  Congrats buddy.”  Jensen moves to give his friend a hug.

“Thanks.  I thought we talked about this a month ago in Chicago?  Hasn’t Y/N said anything to you?”

Jensen is quiet for a few minutes, he can’t believe he missed this news.  Had the two of you talked about it?  Did Jared already tell him?  

They continue talking before going on stage.  The conversation doesn’t get deep, but they are trying to find their rhythm and work past this sinkhole in their friendship.  They have to make it work on stage very shortly.  It will take some time before things are like they were before, but neither one wants to lose a 10 year friendship.

The gold panel questions aren’t vetted first, so anything goes.  Which of course means there is going to be a question about the breakup eventually.

“Jensen we are so sorry to hear about what happened between you and Y/N, it’s just awful.  How are you holding up?” Someone questions.

He knows he needs to try and nip this before it keeps going.  “Thanks.  I will say this, and then I would appreciate it if there weren’t any more questions on this subject.  I had no intention of that coming out in the interview yesterday.  What’s going on is between Y/N and I.  Long distance can really suck.  You guys wouldn’t want to talk about your relationship troubles in front of hundreds of people.  I would hope you understand that we don’t either right now.”

When their afternoon panel comes around he has to make the same announcement at one point.  Jensen swears during photos and autographs that more fans than usual seem to be trying to flirt with him.

When they are finished for the day, Clif takes them both to the airport.  Their flights aren't too far apart in departure time.  Jensen tells Jared he’ll be back home in two weeks, and they talk about meeting up once he’s back in Texas.  After checking in, they head to their respective terminals.  

Jensen is waiting for his flight, feeling a little disappointed.  It would have hurt, but he would have liked to see you this weekend.  He’s spent a good part of the last 24 hours thinking about what Jared told him.  How you had been hurting for a while.  How had he not realized you weren’t happy any longer?

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 10

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[belmottetower]

3.10 International Meta

Ted Lasso’s International Break details - actually extremely accurate! I am pleasantly surprised! If you read my review of episode 9, you’d have seen at the end the part where we freaked out about the potential for bad exposition regarding this stuff. But they actually fucking nailed it! And they left so much space for amazing fic and headcanons!

I’m going to overhaul the International Break page on the primer to include all the new information and erase stuff that is now erroneous and I will post again when done, but in the meantime, here are some notes about details in this episode that hopefully will be exciting to think about, in terms of gap-filling fic or otherwise. Trust me, applying some of the below information to the show really heightens an already VERY AMAZING episode. Uncle’s Day! Gareth Southgate! 24!

Ted Lasso season 3 is set in the 2021/2022 football season. We have a thorough timeline of season 3 coming for the primer, but in 3.10, Richmond has played 31 league matches so far (16 wins, 6 losses, 9 draws according to the board) and the time being featured in this episode is the annual March international break. 

In real life, this break happened from 21-29 March 2022. There also would have been international breaks in August, October and November 2021. These were not featured on the show but would have occurred in between episodes, regardless of whether any players were called up during them or not. The August break would have happened during the Zava montage of wins in episode 3, the October break would have happened directly after episode 3 and before episode 4, and the November break would have happened in the bad run of matches that happened off screen between episode 4 and episode 5.

The March break is usually dedicated to continental friendlies rather than tournament qualifiers. Each international team would have played TWO games that week within their confederation, so Canada played Mexico once and some other CONCACAF nation once. England and Wales would have each played two UEFA opponents, and so on. 

The international matches are generally spaced out over something like Thursday and Saturday, or Friday and Sunday - a few days training, play one game, more days training, play the next game, recovery, press, back to the regular league club by the following Tuesday.

The moment Beard reads out the names in the dressing room after the Leicester match would not be the first moment the players are finding out this news. That international announcement does not happen on a match day, and they guys are responding happily but not as excitedly as they would if this was The Big News Announcement, especially for Jamie’s very first time. That moment was a summary of already known information, the call-ups would have come in the week before. 

They’ve just played Leicester on the Saturday and Jamie for instance would have got the news sometime between Monday to Thursday of the prior week. This year, the England squad announcement for the March break was released to the public on Thursday 16th March before the players showed up at St George’s Park to train on the following Monday the 20th. I’m sad we did not actually get to see Jamie’s call-up moment, but the primer has a BUNCH of examples about how he may have gotten the news so feel free to peruse and imagine your favourite situation for Jamie.

Dani is the only person we know for sure has had prior call ups - he’s listed as a Mexico international on the cheat sheet since before he even came to Richmond - but on this break, Jamie is the only person they mention making his debut, his very first call-up (invitation to be in the squad) and potential cap (cap being the term for actually making an appearance - he could have been called up but not capped, as in, didn’t come off the bench.) That Jamie detail kind of implies all the others have done it before, but that doesn’t quite fit with Ted not knowing that Bumbercatch is playing for Switzerland, as they would have gone through like, nine prior international breaks before this one since Ted’s arrival.

Pretty sure Bumbercatch IS English, but he must be eligible for Switzerland under the grandparent rule. Basically, when you select your international eligibility, you can claim it for the country of birth of one of your parents or grandparents. Players will sometimes do this if their main nationality is from a more competitive footballing country. You can switch allegiance between junior and senior levels (Jack Grealish and Declan Rice, both VERY ENGLISH MEN, played for Ireland as juniors because they had a better chance of being selected there. When it became clear they were England-good, they switched allegiances for senior selection. Irish fans are still angry about this.) I’m assuming Bumbercatch has at least one Swiss parent or grandparent so put himself up for FIFA eligibility as Swiss rather than English, as the Switzerland team is easier to get into than the England team.

England trains at St George’s Park near Birmingham, about 130 miles/ 2 and a half hours drive from Richmond. Jamie would have trained at SGP before as a junior England player in the age group teams (see the primer about how this is almost 100% a given) so it would not be a brand new place for him to visit, but it would be very special coming in as an England senior player for the first time on the Monday morning.

The team travels down from SGP to London to play their home matches at Wembley Stadium, the home of English football and the same place the semi-final against Man City took place last season. This is only about 10 miles from Richmond, hence Beard saying “up the way at Wembley.” Sometimes both matches of the break are at home, or sometimes one is abroad and they fly to the other country. FWIW, in real life, the two England games in the March 2022 break were both at Wembley, so no overseas travel.

The jacket Jamie is wearing for Uncle’s Day is an example of the casual England wear the players get given upon their call up (as opposed to their training kit or match kit.) This is what they will wear to travel as a group, or in their free time around camp. Sometimes they get gear sent over the week before so they can already be dressed in the team gear when they arrive (there are social media videos made of their arrivals) or sometimes they pick it all their gear on arrival.

Jamie would have reported for International Duty probably on Monday. Occasionally the report-in is Tuesday. But Uncle’s Day is happening on WEDNESDAY. (Keeley references the day of the week in her scenes set that same day.) The reason I bring this timeline up is because it’s looking likely that Jamie ran away from the England camp to attend this party. He either drove himself down from Birmingham after training on Wednesday afternoon - very not allowed, they are kept pretty firmly on campus - or the team traveled down to London VERY early, because Jamie’s first Wembley match takes place on Friday, not Thursday. The fact that he has sourced an original copy of the 2014 World Cup kit for Roy and was able to get the name cuntified in a legitimate manner suggests to me that he actually got that done at by the kit men at the England base camp, making it even more likely that he’s been at camp and snuck away back to London for the afternoon. 

2014 was Roy’s last World Cup, but his last England cap, ever, was in the 2016 Euros (in a real life game that England lost, a very low point - we suspect this is also when he left Chelsea, at the end of the 15/16 season) and given his legendary status in the game, it’s not unlikely his first international tournament was either the 2000 Euros or the 2002 World Cup. Comparing how the show frames him to other players like him, I would guess he has anywhere between 70 to 120 caps.

3.10 establishes, via Jamie’s gift to Roy, that the World Cup cycle within Ted Lasso is the same years as real life, so there is a World Cup coming up for the players right after season 3 finishes. If Ted Lasso-verse does a different host to real life (the controversial choice of Qatar) the 2022 Ted Lasso World Cup will be in the June and July immediately following the finale. If Qatar is mentioned, the 2022 World Cup won’t take place until November 2022, disrupting the Premier League during the following season (season 4, if we get it.)

The commentary of the England match mentions Southgate - meaning that Gareth Southgate, the real England manager, is also the manager within the show. This is GREAT news for Jamie enjoyers, almost as good news as Real Pep. See primer for details on Southgate and how he would have crossed paths with Jamie before. This is a VERY BIG DEAL and a bit of a dream come true for me. Gareth is about a decade older than Roy, they would know each other from some crossover playing time in the early 2000s. He would have played at England alongside Roy if Roy debuted for England before 2004.

I just had a conversation that made me realise that some people might think that league or club coaches might also join the England team for breaks the way that players do. Not how it works. Managing England is a full time job - Gareth Southgate is not ALSO a club coach. Sometimes the assistant coaches have other jobs - for a while Ted Lasso match commentator Chris Powell was helping to coach England while also helping to coach the Tottenham Hotspur academy team. But Gareth's ONLY job is the England men's first team, including keeping up with the status of potential squad members all year and so on.

It's not impossible that Roy could eventually be brought on to the England assistant coaching staff while also assistant coaching Richmond - in real life one of West Ham’s assistant coaches does this - but Roy doesn't have a lot of experience coaching so it's unlikely, and it's not going to happen if Roy becomes the actual manager of Richmond at the end of the season. Still. It could be a fun idea if Roy doesn’t become the manager.

Jamie wearing 24 is very plausible within how national squad numbering works and it is actually the number we suggested for him in the primer before this episode aired! Our choice was nothing to do with Sam, but was chosen because it was the number given to Callum Wilson, England’s non-starting striker, in the World Cup. Jamie will not be England’s go-to 9 for many years. 

Jamie could have requested 24, but the international shirt numbering is not a free for all. You can’t select 54 or 81 or something. The squad is numbered from 1 to however many (usually 26) with no gaps, and it’s not fixed and permanent like club numbers. Who gets what number is altered every match based on the starting line up, unless you’re in a big tournament where you keep the same shirt number the whole month. For an international friendly like this, the starters for that game will wear 1 through 11, then all the substitutes will be numbered on from there. 

Given that Jamie is brand new to the team, and on the bench (he comes on at the 65th minute when it’s 6-0 to England, replacing the not-Harry-Kane England starting striker who wears the 9, a very normal situation for a game that’s going successfully, rest your stars and give the newbies a chance to stretch their legs) being numerically low in list makes sense. He would have always had a number between say 22 and 26, but within that, he could probably make a request, if it isn’t putting anyone else out, like “Hey, if no one minds, can I have 24?” as opposed to 22, 23, 25 or whatever. They do give people their favorites if they ask for it, so it works PERFECTLY for him to have 24, as it fits his position in the team as well as the Sam tribute.

However, his squad number would have been listed on the team sheet in advance of the match. Sam being surprised in the moment is slightly off - they would have seen his number when they learned he'd been selected for the game's lineup at all.

For those bummed out that Jamie’s friends were not there in person - England would have played another match on the Sunday, there is never just one in a break. Maybe Roy, Keeley, Ted, Isaac, Sam and so on went to Wembley to support him at the Sunday match in person before club training resumed at Richmond on the Monday or Tuesday.

[themoonsbride]

She's Mine, You Stay Away From Her .

pairing; Peter Ballard x Fem!Reader

summary; Reader is basically in Elevens spot like in the episodes leading up to 7; The Massacre at Hawkins Lab in season 4

warnings; swearing, descriptions of - Murder, insanity, hatred, being shocked, anxiety, isolation. Peter himself is considered a warning for this fic.

a/n; I've spent forever working on this agh!!! it's been taking up my time of working on other requests </3 but I got the inspiration of this fic based of an edit I saw of Peter to this song! I also just really wanted to write him to a Pierce The Veil song because they're my favorite band :) (HOPING THIS DOESNT FLOP HHJ)

word count; 5.1k

--×♥︎×--

The lingering quietness was always off putting inside of Hawkins Labrotory. It always made you feel uneasy. The fact that you were forced to live and work here everyday for most likely the rest of your life was uneasy.

But there was nothing that could be done, Martin Brenner was a dangerously powerful man who ruled over everybody that was within the walls of his facility.

And it was clear to you that he had not a single silver of an amount for care for the humans inside of his building either. If he did, he wouldn't be scientifically experimenting on children to give them different forms of physiological powers. It was inhuman to do this to undeveloped brains of practically toddlers.

And you having to watch and document it happen every single day was picking away at your sanity piece by piece. What you would do if you could've had the power the children withheld.

You would take matters into your own hands and put an end to all of this insanity that went on, put an end to the man behind the madness.

You weren't sure if you were losing your sanity, or if it was already lost. But you would do anything to break free of this hell, Martin seemed to be Satan himself when someone did something he didn't like, if they even breathed the wrong way, his wrath would come their way and would last for longer than you'd prefer to admit.

But you weren't the only one who seemed to grow this type of hatred for a place like this, no. There was another, And though you'd never been directly told you weren't the only one, you could tell. It was obvious in your eyes.

He seemed to be Brenners favorite, and also his most hated worker, And his name is Peter Ballard. A man with the facial features made of pure beauty like a God.

He isolated from others, as they were uninterested in him and often spat shit at him, infront of him and behind his back and you'd heard it all. Some of the pesky rumors that went around about that gorgeous man seemed so ridiculous a fucking 4th grader could've came up with better.

You were both just looking at eachother, the tension wasn't awkward between the two of you, she was nervous to be standing before you, you towered over her.

She probably would have started to sweat thick bullets if it weren't constantly fucking cold. Which surprisingly didn't constantly get the children sick, maybe them having humanly impossible powers strengthened their immune system to the point they don't get sick anymore.

It wouldn't suprise you if that were true, nothing was surprising anymore unless Brenner left you off with a warning and not 3 hours of you getting shocked to the point your nerves went numb and you felt like you were about to take your last fucking breathe.

"play." Eleven mumbled out and lightly tugged on the hem of your skirt. you raised a brow at her, your face felt blank, and numb, you felt numb inside too.

"play what." your voice was clear and ferm, your remember how your mother used to tell you when you were a teenager that she loved the femininity in your voice, it made you sound more professional.

The image of your mother's face in your head made you feel a certain way, a feeling that had felt lost for a long time, like it was hidden deep and burrowed inside you.

"puzzle." Eleven spoke, bringing you back to the reality you lived in today. the dreadful reality you lived in.

"okay." her small fingers wrapped around your index one, guiding you towards a small table, leaving you next to one of the chairs, you sat down feeling somewhat hesitant. You didn't understand, why now? why would Eleven now be talking to you?

Maybe it was something under the control of Peter, or Brenner, maybe either of them convinced her to talk to you, to get you to like her and use her as a weakness towards you. You didn't trust anyone anymore, the first look you took inside this building, you knew you were fucked.

Eleven sat across from you and placed a tiger children's puzzle onto the table, opening the box carefully. Everything felt off, You'd never spoken to Peter before, but you didn't need too, you already knew he hated this facility as much if not more than you did.

But you did supervise the rainbow room together, You were never a fan of the room, infact you seemed to have a weird sense of hatred for it, the way the room was displayed.

Maybe it was those muted rainbows on the wall and flooring. Or all the toys that surrounded them to make it seem like they were cared for, when in reality it was most likely to keep them distracted from the mortifying reality around them.

The somewhat nice part about that room was the children mostly placed nicely with one another, the youngest would play with wooden building blocks or solve animal puzzles. There were only around 4 of the children that were in their tweens..

It was 002 and his gang, God you fucking hated 002 and his devious little followers. All they did was bother one of the subjects, and specifically one, her name was Eleven.

She never caused trouble, because she was too afraid. She feared everybody, and she was only a little bit older than the youngest ones. She was 8 years old, the younger ones were more around 5-6.

She was especially scared of the workers, but she liked to play around with the puzzles and challenge herself to see if she could solve them, she also seemed to be observant.

She seemed to take interest in you, often you would catch her looking over at you, but you'd never thought anything of it, mainly because you couldn't care enough.

But today was different, because this time instead of the small girl just eagerly staring at you, she ended up walking her walk over towards you. You tried not to show the suprise on your face, you saw Peter watching her as if he were a hawk and she was a meek prey from the corner of your eye.

Her shaved head looked up at your eyes, You assumed she wanted to talk to you, but since she was 8, and no one cared to teach these beings anything else other than how to enhance their powers, they most likely didn't understand how to form full sentences from what you've seen and heard.

You looked around the room carefully without trying to move your head much, you started inspecting the rest of the ominously quiet room. The children were usual to minding their business.

You brought your gaze to the blonde man who kept to himself, and noticed he couldn't seem to keep his own gaze off of you.

'..Weird.'

You looked back over at Eleven and found her struggling to fit a puzzle piece to connect with another, though it was the wrong piece. You carefully took the small cardboard photo from her tiny fingers and placed it in the spot, she just stared at you, like she were embarrassed.

You weren't really sure what you were supposed to do or say now, you sort of just awkwardly smiled, it was too quiet for you to speak, your sanity didn't want you to crack somehow by simply speaking to an 8 year old.

She sort of just awkwardly looked away from you like she felt shy or wanted to speak, but obviously as noted before, she doesn't really understand how. Which is expected.

She instead just went back to figuring out how to member the tiger into a normal photo once more. You observed her movements closely, usually when she would think very critically of her next move she'd place her small index finger onto her chin or lower lip.

Every now and again she had to look up in your direction, as her way of saying "help" or "can't figure it out" and you wordlessly helped her and pieced the correct parts together. She'd finished her puzzle just as Brenner had entered the room.

"Goodmorning Children." And there she was to get quick on her feet and in her spot where she always stood in union with the rest of her "siblings."

You were meant to stand as well and did so, you watched all of them follow out behind Brenner and were fast to break the puzzle and place it back inside its box and onto the shelf where it was kept.

When you turned again, Peter was still stood in that spot next to the door, you knew he was watching you, and as much as it would've put anyone else on edge, it didn't for you. You were constantly being watched by your every move in your life now, so it seemed like nothing new.

--×♥︎×--

It was now your break, taking your time into the breakroom, it was like any other room. Only with a fridge and a counter top inside of it with a coffee machine. The coffee was rancid, tasted horrid.

The taste of the dirt water reminded you of when your father forced you into summer camp, when he first told you he had signed you up, you were extremely pissed.

"I'm am not going daddy! I do not want to go to summer camp! I'd rather be home!"

You would whine and complain to him, but there was nothing to be done, he already signed the paperwork and handed over the cash.

And when you had gone, it was more fun than you had expected. You went inside of a swamp and a creek, and went fishing, did tie die and collected rocks and small insects. You'd even found a snapping turtle once.

Remembering the times of your early teenage years and how you'd been happy made you feel a sense of grief, and also anger. With yourself and the world around you.

You pushed through the double doors of the breakroom, grabbing water from the half broken refrigerator and sat down by yourself, alone.

You were always alone, even when there were others around you, you were alone. No one seemed to take interest in you, not like you'd wanted them to anymore at this point.

Even if you could see through that perfectly physical man with those deep blue eyes, you were still alone. you always were since birth. Barely ever had many friends, always the targeted girl when it came to kids who had troubles in their own lives and had the shit audacity to take it out on you.

What you would've given to get your revenge on those little fucks at the time you were dealing with them.

What you would give to get your revenge on Brenner and all the shit he's dumped onto you and the rest of the people who were imprisoned here.

Your train of thought about you getting your pay back was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening again. You didn't want to make it noticeable that you were checking who was entering, But you weren't too shocked to see it was Peter.

You stared at the bottle of water that was held in your hands, small beads of sweat forming on the plastic and making your hands moist.

The sound of coffee pouring from the dispenser of the machine filled the room, no matter how similar you could tell you were to others, you never understood the trouble they would put themselves through of drinking the mud water that was labeled as "coffee" in this building.

what's something that was a shock to you about the man was that he'd sat across from you, he never interacted with you before and now he's suddenly across from you, you could feel him staring again.

It was like Lazer beams burning through metal. You'd felt that same feeling with Brenner multiple times before, it was an anxiety inducing feeling.

It reminded you of how he'd lecture and yell at you for the littlest of actions, like giving one of the children candy or something else that doesn't even matter.

And then when you would refuse to look at him because you didn't want to see that familiar cold glare that would send shrieks of fear throughout your entire being he'd send you to the punishment room.

Your skin began to form goosebumps at the memory of your entire body going numb and not being able to feel anything and your throat constantly hoarse and sore from that fucking collar he'd put on you like you were some dog.

Your skin felt itself getting warmer like your blood was boiling with rage from all your mistreatment and how you could do absolutely nothing about what you've gone through.

You shook your thoughts away, not wanting to physically remember what it felt like to wear that collar or feel those metal rods connect with your skin.

"Eleven seemed to take an interest in you today." His voice broke the imagery of your memories and your eyes automatically looked into his, they weren't cold like Brenners, they were light, and reminded you of clear skies during the summer that you used to take in while you'd make castles at the beach when you were a child, or would learn to ride your bike as your mother helped guide you in the spring, how you'd ride around your neighborhood as a teenager and would embrace the warm air and beautiful sky.

"Yeah, I suppose she did." Your voice was flat, but it wasn't cold, or mean, but it also didn't sound normal, but what would he know anyway? he's never even spoken to you before.

"She usually doesn't do that with the orderly." He clearly wanted to talk to you about something and it wasn't Eleven, but you weren't sure if you should just go along with it, or tell him to get on with the point already.

"She usually isn't like that with anyone." you remarked, there was a slight snark in your tone, you didn't really want to come off as snarky, but who wouldn't after all the shit that goes on in this place?

"So I've noticed" He didn't sound mad, and he still hadn't taken his eyes off you the entire time, it was a little uncomfortable how good he was at holding eye contact, but maybe that's what the point of making it so strong, was to make the other uncomfortable.

Or maybe it could've been unintentional, it was clear why it was one of the reasons your coworkers commented it on it and called him 'weird' or 'creepy.'

It didn't make you as uncomfortable as it would've others, it was normal to feel that way in Hawkins Labrotory. But when it was Peter who was making this strong of eye contact, it didn't seem that uncomfortable anymore. His eyes were so angelic and his hair seemed perfect in the horrible light, almost like there was a halo around his head.

It felt almost like you were losing yourself in him, like the way you'd lose yourself in the pages of a book, or a masterpiece of a drawing that someone would spend day and night on.

Maybe because in your eyes, he was like a masterpiece drawing, he was beautiful.

The both of you were just glaring at eachother now. It wasn't awkward, it only would've been if you told yourself it was. You learned a long time ago about how it worked that way, your mother had told you.

"That was so awkward.." You spoke quietly, walking out of the doctors office with your mother.

"It was only awkward because you had told yourself it was." She replied, walking to the car that your father was waiting in.

"What do you mean?" You looked up at her as she suddenly stopped in her movements and looked down at your 13 year old self.

"It was only awkward, because you told yourself the tension and the interaction was awkward." You were still confused.

"If you don't tell yourself when something is awkward, you won't feel so anxious or uncomfortable anymore." And then she continued back in her tracks.

you were only 13, so you still didn't understand what the hell she was talking about, and even now you didn't really understand. She'd worded it in a way were it sounded like she thought awkwardness was just an illusion of the human mind.

Sometimes your mother would be very smart with her words or explanations, and others it seemed like she just didn't care enough to hear you talk about how you felt, or she just wasn't sure how to explain something to you.

It was now that you realized that you still didn't respond, assuming that's what he was waiting for, there weren't any words that were forming out of your throat, and lunch was about to end anyways so you just stood to your feet.

"Lunch is about to end, maybe I'll see you tomorrow." You spoke quickly before exiting, he was watching you the entire time, of course.

--×♥︎×--

It was now Training of the next day, the children were lined up against the wall whilst they waited for their turn to use their powers on a ring a bulbs that was implanted in the floor infront of a metal chair.

It was currently 002's turn to attempt to light the glass bulbs, You walked up and placed the headset onto his buzzed scalp.

You felt your skin grow warm with how close in contact you were with him as a visous anger grew deeper in you for him. And for a split second, you were thinking of what it would've looked like if you killed him right then infront of everyone.

When you finished placing the wiring on his head you quickly walked away back in your spot at the corner of the room, clamping your hands behind yourself as usual.

You glanced over at Peter, and he was quick to look back over at you, but it wasn't like he darted his head over at you, it was slow and calm. Maybe that's what was off-putting about him that people didn't seem to like.

It was sort of assuring to see him be slow and calm, almost like he was tired, or maybe just burnt out, whether it was mentally or physically you didn't know, but it was sticking out to you.

He was good at masking how tense he was and how much he hated everyone here, as were you. Maybe he could see through you too and that's why he had spoken to you yesterday.

He seemed to take a liking in Eleven though, he was sitting next to her and talking to her a few days before she'd spoken to you, which is why you were curious as to whether if it were his doing or not.

Brenner had forced Eleven to go next by brainwashing her with a piece of fucking candy. A piece of candy she clearly could've cares less for, she was so obviously scared and uncomfortable. Her powers weren't as strong as the rest of her siblings.

Peter had went up and placed a headset on her stubble hair, unnecessarily fixing the front of her headset. He'd whispered something to her, why would he have done so right infront of everyone in the room? infront of Brenner? He was practically asking for the punishment room, but why would you care? it wasn't you who would be tortured later on.

It was her who had you do that stupid puzzle with her, you weren't the one who came up to her asking to solve a puzzle, she just up and decided randomly to ask you to solve one with her. after almost 2 weeks of her just eye-balling you.

--×♥︎×--

It was now a week later, and todays training was different from anything else they've done before, Peter's been interacting with Eleven more, and it's quite strange.

Regardless of all the rumors of how strange he is, this was one of things you did find weird, why has he started randomly started interacting with her? What was he telling her?

Brenner proceeded to draw 2 circles with white chalk onto the lominum floor as he spoke.

"For today's lesson, we are going to play a game." His voice was mutated to sound kind with a plastic smile on his face. It was a relief that these children didn't understand how powerful and cruel he truly was, but it was also so fucked in the head that he would do this to any of them and act like some big teddy bear and like this was okay.

It wasn't, obviously. But it just pissed you off so much, and it only made things worse when you'd remind yourself there was nothing you could do about it. It started to feel like every passing day it felt more and more like you were living in an insane asylum.

You used to think about escaping from time to time, but now you full on fucking fantazied it. you truly were starting to go insane, who wouldn't though.

002 was beating all of his opponents, and then it was Elevens turn, and when Peter finished tying on her blindfold, he wasn't very quiet to whisper "Good Luck" in her ear.

This started to seem tedious to you, what the fuck is he telling her? what if he's attempting to brainwash her just like Brenner? Though you told yourself multiple times you could've given less of a shit about these kids, there was a part of you that felt protective over Eleven.

Almost maybe like a motherly kind of protection? Though it wouldn't matter, there's nothing you can protect her from because both of you live in danger. She just isn't aware of it.

To your suprise, Eleven beat 2, she had slammed his body against the mirror behind him, leaving it cracked, he was shaking and looked at her with fear But he'd get his revenge soon, and you were sure of it, whether or not he'd be successful in getting away with it was yet a mystery. Because he's gotten away with it before, you've seen it yourself.

You could still remember it like it were yesterday, when you had to monitor the cameras.

"You're weak, and useless. You don't deserve to have the place as papa's favorite.." His voice was hushed and filled with rage.

"I-im sorry.." Eleven was so young at the time, her lip was trembling and tears were forming in her waterline.

"I'm gonna hurt you, for having what I dont.."

"please d-don-" But before she could even beg him further to spare her, she was already being pushed around the room, into tables and on the floor.

And then they left her there, crying.

Why they were all in there? was never answered, but she shouldn't have been in there by herself with 002 in the same building as her.

But the small amount of guilt you felt for her on that day still lingers. 002 stumbled to his feet and sat with the other children.

"It looks like we have a new winner." Brenner spoke, Eleven seemed shocked and nervous at the same time, but at this point it seemed like nervous was just a normal feeling and vibe to get from her.

--×♥︎×--

You were back inside the breakroom now. Holding a bottle of water you most likely weren't going to drink. And Peter entered the room too, but this time was different.

"Miss L/n, may I speak to you, alone?" His tone sounded pleadful and curious.

"We are alone." You answered firmly, but he didn't respond he just continued to stare at you, and then that's when you glared at the camera in the corner of the room and sighed to yourself.

Standing to your feet and walking over to him, you didn't trust him or his motives regardless of seeing his feelings. it was how everyone felt about this place.

He took you inside of a small broom closet that seemed like it was never entered anymore, he closed the door behind himself and you just stood there.

He faced you and smiled lightly at you, but you were careful go examine him.

Your grandmother always told you to keep your head up and seem serious, men would take you seriously, especially if you'd show you didn't have a care for them.

And throughout your life, it mostly worked, but Peter was already here when you came here 2 years ago, so he probably would be smarter than that.

"How would you like to escape with Eleven and i?" His tone was excited but quiet.

"What?" You were in pure shock and weren't even sure if you heard him correctly, but you did your best to keep a straight face.

"I've been speaking with Eleven"

"I've noticed that." You kept your voice ferm and serious, you didn't want to agree with him, maybe if you kept this conversation with him, you'd be able to seek through his true intentions.

"And I've told her about how she deserves to escape this horrible place."

"Are you fucking insane?" You blurted out, you didn't mean too, it was just the first thing that came to mind.

Was he fucking insane? what the hell was he doing tell an 8 year old to escape the place she's lived in and only knows as good? what else has he told her?

He completely disregarded the question, which was appreciated on your end.

"I've got a plan set out for her and I, and I know you hate it here, Y/n."

"You don't know shit." So maybe he could see through you too, but this couldve still be a trap regardless, a trap to get you into trouble or become his little minion and do whatever he wants you too.

"Don't I? I've seen the way you've glared at Brenner and 002."

"You look at them the same way, It's not just them either, don't think I didn't know you couldn't keep your eyes off me either Ballard." You felt someone outraged that he would just randomly propose this to you, he didn't even know you. Maybe he didn't have too, though.

"The same goes for you, are you going to join us, or no." His voice sounded serious now, and after a few moments of just staring at him, you could sense this man was infact serious.

"..When is this happening exactly?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" You looked at him like he had actually lost his mind, and maybe he did, but whats so wrong with that?

It's not like you had your sanity in tact with you anymore either, so if he's crazy then you can be crazy together surely.

"Are you joining us, yes. or no?"

"..Yes."

Part of you was mentally cursing yourself out for agreeing, you still didn't trust him, fuck no. But at least you just got a free get out of jail ticket so.

--×♥︎×--

You felt anxious in the rainbow room, Peter was nowhere to be seen all day, and you felt hazy, your vision felt blurry and eyes sore, but from crying.

Your breathing was shaking and so where your hands, you hadn't gotten anxiety since your freshmen year of collage.

You remembered the uncontrollable fear that was tensing throughout your veins, you used to get that same feeling when Brenner would have his gaurds shock you until he felt as though you'd had enough.

When you were barely breathing and laying on the floor like an injured kitten inside of a box that no one cared for.

Eleven was at a coloring station, she checked the clock and then stood to her feet, making her way towards an orderly and leaving with him.

You soon exited the room aswell, going down into the basement where Peter had instructed you to meet him.

'I'm going to be free, I'm going to be free. I want to get revenge, I want my revenge. I want Brenner to feel the pain he caused me.' Your mind raced as you walked down those steps and soon saw Peter waiting for you.

'I want him dead.'

"Hey." You spoke, walking up to him

"Hello, Eleven will be here soon." You didn't respond after that, instead just leaned against the wall next to him, picking at your fingers.

Soon Elevens small body was heading down the stairs, you stood up straight as she looked for the both of you, bumping into Peter.

"Shh, follow me." And then the both of you were following after him as he took the both of you over to a small drain, atleast, that's what it had looked like anyways.

He was able to convince the small girl to escape through the pipes, explaining how they worked.

"They lead out into the woods, when you get out of here you need to run, do you understand me?" She seemed extremely scared and shook her head no.

"What about you.. and Miss L/n?" Her voice was shakey, like she didn't want to leave him, gosh what kind of things did they have going on? what was he telling her before?

"Well be following you shortly after you escape, I promise. we promise."

Eleven looked over at you to confirm his promise, and you simply nodded your head, and she was quick to squeeze herself into that tunnel.

The both of you rose to your normal height, and he smiled at you.

"How are we getting out of here now?" You asked him. there was boredom in your voice, but that was just natural now, when in reality your anxiety was bolting throughout you.

"I'll show you, it'll be fun." He smirked and grabbed your hand, running out of the basement with you, and once you two exited, the alarms were already blarring, they must've discovered that Eleven was gone by now.

Everything was happening so quickly your brain didn't have much time to process what was going on, but the next thing you knew, Peter was slaughtering everyone in sight.

There was blood splattered all over the walls and floors, this answered your question.

"Are you fucking insane?"

Yes. this is his way of saying yes, Part of you felt absolutely terrified of him and wanted to run away, but there was another, stronger half of you that felt raged and viewed this as the both of you getting your revenge.

You didn't freak out, or runaway, or feel scared of him, because he let you do the honors of killing 002, and you made sure it was agonizingly slow and painful.

And then off you two went, escaping, running as fast as possible, feeling relief, and free. Feeling a smile that was stretched on your lips as you ran, feeling the wind all around your bodies and fresh air in your nostrils.

You were finally free at last.

[anabdaniels]

Cowboytober Day 19- Praising

Paring: Agent Whiskey x Female Reader

Word counting: 2.6k

Rating: 18+

Warning: The following work contains mentions of post-partum blues and frustration towards the needed mode of delivery (c-section).

Masterlist

A/N: I'm so sorry for how long this is, I got carried away by the backstory. This can be read as the part two of Flufftober Day 19.

If you were going to be honest, your expectations about the first months of your newborn were the worst possible. Turned out that it wasn’t that bad. Of course, the nights were still being animated, especially when the baby woke up with colic, but luckily, your handsome cowboy made an excellent husband and father.

In the first weeks, you were strictly forbidden to do anything but breastfeed the baby and walk a bit around the ranch, since it was a medical recommendation to help you recover from the c-section. Anything out of those two things would end up with Jack asking a hundred times if you were feeling okay and really didn’t prefer to let him do it. Sometimes you got close to getting irritated with him, but then you pondered for a moment and realized that he was just concerned about your well-being.

When your daughter was 4-months-old, things were starting to get calmer; her sleep was becoming more consistent, her episodes of colic were pretty rare, and, in a general aspect, Katherine was a pretty calm baby, only crying when her little tummy wasn’t that good was for some stuck gas or because she was hungry or when she remained too long without being snuggled by you or Jack.

But a peaceful baby didn’t mean that you didn’t have any problems to deal with.

Even after 4 months, you were still frustrated with the fact that you couldn’t have a natural delivery, even after all the times you and Jack talked about it and he reassured you endlessly that you shouldn’t martyrize yourself so much about something you had no control about, the subject was still living rent-free on your head. Such as your schism with the scar left from the c-section. There was nothing wrong with it, but to your paranoia, it didn’t matter, you’d always see it as a defect in you.

Jack had plenty of awareness of your mean thoughts about yourself and had spent a considerable time planning that night out in the city. You two had spent the last four months going out just for medical appointments and to do the groceries, a little time out without worries about diapers or a shopping list was a needed pause for both of you. Not surprising Jack at all, Ginger and Tequila didn’t even think twice before accepting to take care of their self-proclaimed niece.

“Are you two sure that you can handle it?” Jack asked while observing Ginger and Tequila absorbed watching Katherine sleeping on the baby stroller.

“You kidding? Have you forgotten I’m the older of three siblings? I’m a specialist on babies, Whiskey.” Tequila said in a convinced tone, still observing Katherine asleep.

“And I’m here to make sure he’ll not steal Katherine’s toys, so we’ll be fine.” Ginger completed calmly, also looking at Katherine.

“Something tells me that we’ll have some trouble to get our baby back.” You said observing the scene.

“Maybe you will.” Ginger turned to look at you “But what are you two still doing here?” she said while approaching you and Jack, guiding both of you to the door.

“Are we being kicked out of our own house?” Jack questioned raising one eyebrow.

“Yes.” Ginger answered naturally while opening the front door and gently putting you and Jack out “And you two better not show up here before the morning.” Before both of you even had the chance to answer, Ginger closed the door. You and Jack just looked at each other and laughed before going to the car.

---------------------

Safe to say that the night was running perfectly: a little walk around the city while talking about the most random things possible, a good dinner in a fancy restaurant, and the last stop was on a comfortable suite in a luxury hotel. Jack never failed to deliver amazing date nights.

“I have to give you the reason this time.” You said while playing with his hair, sitting sideways on his lap “We really needed to get out of home a little bit.”

“I thought you believed more in my observing skills.” Jack chuckled and kissed your shoulder, keeping his arms around your waist.

“I believe them.” You said calmly and looked away. Jack frowned and caressed your back.

“What’s the matter, honey?” he asked softly, making you look back at him.

“If I ask you something, can you give me an honest answer?” after he nodded, you took a deep breath before questioning “How bad is it?”

“You mean?” Jack asked with a confused look.

“My appearance since I gave birth.” You said calmly, looking away again “I mean, you haven’t made any move since I got cleared by the doctor to have sex again, not even tonight.” Your declaration for sure got Jack off guard, and Jack needed to ponder for a moment before answering.

“Honey, you’re turning this inside out.” He started calmly and kissed your cheek “First things first, don’t you think I don’t want you desperately because I do. The thing is, I know you’ve been dealing with a lot in the last few months. I know you still mulling over the fact that you had to go into a c-section and that the scar annoys you really much, so, the most I desire you, I’d never turn this into another thing to bother you, sugar.” Jack cupped your cheek with his hand, making you look at him “I’m fine with wait as long as it’s necessary. I want you to feel good about yourself and enjoy it, so, if you need four more months for that, I’ll wait. You’re the love of my life, the mother of my little princess, nothing is more important to me than your happiness.”

You couldn’t disguise your slight shock with all the information you received. You didn’t expect him to know so well what was going on in your mind, Jack for sure always had been a good observer, but you were sure that you had managed to keep your thoughts to yourself.

“I wasn’t expecting that.” You admitted with a surprised smile, settling better on his lap, getting mounted on his thighs, and resting your hands on his shoulders.

“C’mon, sugar, if you had taken a single look at your ass after you gave birth, I wouldn’t need to tell you all that.” You couldn’t hold back a hearty laugh, shaking your head.

“I hate you sometimes, Jack.” You said while still smiling, observing the smirk on his lips.

“Hate me as much as you want, but you can’t deny that my techniques are effective.” He answered in the cocky manner you loved so much and rested his hands on your thighs.

“You might have a point, but now back to business.” You said while settling better on his lap “I don’t think I’ll need four more months.”

“I’m seeing that, honey.” Jack raised his eyebrows, still smirking and moving his hands up on your body “Especially having your cleavage so close to my face.” He said while cupping your breasts softly.

“I didn’t hear your complaint about it.” You said with a sideways smile while undoing his tie and starting to unbutton his shirt.

“I’d never be that crazy, mainly now with this whole breastfeeding thing doing wonders here.” He said quietly, leaning forward to kiss the skin of your breasts that was exposed on your cleavage.

“You had no single crumb of decency left.” You said in a chuckle “I like it.”

“I know you do.” He said looking up to you, moving one hand to the back of your neck, and kissing you passionately.

And it was more than enough for you to forget any possible concern left.

You allowed yourself to dive in on the moment, enjoying the feeling of Jack’s hands and body all over you. Without even realizing it, you kept what you were doing before, getting rid of his shirt and moving your hands down to undo his belt. Also, not wasting time, Jack moved one hand to the zipper of your dress, opening it and taking it off your body without a second thought, promptly doing the same with your underwear. You moaned quietly when he placed you lying on your back on the bed, caressing the sides of your body and looking at you with a wide smile.

“You’re so beautiful, honeybee. I love you so much.” He whispered close to your mouth, biting your bottom lip and moving forward to kiss your neck slowly, making you unable to do anything but grab his hair and sigh loudly.

Despite his growing desire, Jack held himself back, moving slowly down your body and touching your body gently, aware that you were still very sensitive, not only on the physical aspect. But that didn’t prevent him from savoring every inch of your skin, kissing and nibbling every place he could reach, making you squirm and moan quietly, pulling his hair without even noticing.

Once he reached your lower stomach, Jack couldn’t prevent himself from kissing the scar of your c-section as he always had been tempted to do, not only to remind you that there was nothing wrong with it or because it had been the solution for you and the baby to get out from the labor safely but because he genuinely found it beautiful. You could feel your heart racing a bit while feeling all his attention tuned to that spot you’ve tried to avoid so much the last months.

When Jack finally moved to where you desperately needed him, you couldn’t contain your reflex of squeezing his head between your thighs while whimpering audibly and pulling his hair. And, Jack being Jack, loved your genuine reaction and of course, he would do his best to make you react even more, turning all his attention to your sensitive throbbing clit, while letting his fingertips circle your wet entrance.

At that point you were all messed up, contorting on the bed, pulling his hair, arching your back, and unable to contain your moans. Being away from him on the sexual field for four months certainly hadn’t helped with your self-control, but Jack wasn’t being exactly cooperative while smoothly sliding his fingers inside you and curling them to hit that precise spot that never failed to make you lose your composure. And it wouldn’t be different that time.

You just focused on enjoying every feeling you could get from the moment, noticing your involuntary movements getting more intense but unable to control them. You tangled your fingers in Jack’s hair, pulling it hard and squeezing his head even more between your thighs as you got taken aback by that intense orgasm. Jack smiled satisfied seeing you melted on the bed with your breath out of rhythm.

Calmly, he moved on the bed to lay at your side, caressing your face softly. You opened your eyes slowly and looked at him with a satisfied smile.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re already pretty enough without making any effort.” He said quietly and kissed you softly, making you moan when you tasted yourself on his lips.

“I have a doubt.” You said quietly against his lips “Why haven’t you got rid of your vacuum-packed jeans yet?” he chuckled and shook his head.

“You’re getting way too audacious, little lady.” Jack said with a smirk but didn’t hesitate to get rid of his remaining clothes.

“You’re too well-behaved tonight for my taste.” You teased as he crawled on the bed, getting on top of you.

“Can you blame me? I have the most beautiful lady with me, of course, I’ll behave well.” He teased back with that charming smirk.

“You need to take it easy with your flirt.” You said while passing your arms around his neck.

“Now you’re asking for too much.” He said as if it was serious and leaned to kiss you.

You whimpered quietly as you felt him moving slowly inside you, and sank one hand on his hair, tightening your other arm around his neck even though your whole body relaxed with that amazing feeling.

“You’re okay, honey?” Jack asked quietly against your lips while caressing your waist. You just nodded and kissed him again, starting to get highly needy of him once more.

Jack for sure was caught off guard by your reaction, but followed your rhythm, kissing you passionately while caressing and groping every part of your body he could reach, feeling his heart racing considerably, not only for the physical effort, but because have you so relaxed into the moment after all the harsh moments you had been through could make Jack cry genuine happy tears if he thought too much about it.

If you had to say, you wouldn’t remember when you had hooked your legs on Jack’s hips, wanting him the closest possible from you. When both of you needed a moment to catch a breath, you for sure got slightly melted when Jack rested his forehead on yours, looking deep into your eyes. Conscious about the emotional and psychological weight all of that had on you, Jack wouldn’t waste the chance to remind you of how much he loved and appreciated you.

“You’re so amazing, honeybee. I love you so much.” His velvety voice whispering that by itself was already enough to affect you, but with his warm brown gaze staring straight into your eyes, it for sure had hit you a hundred times harder, making you unconsciously pull him closer with your legs and arms.

Seeing you craving for him that much, Jack allowed himself to move slightly faster and move one of his hands over your skin more intensely, while the other moved down to between your legs, rubbing your clit at the same pace of his thrusts, turning you into a complete mess of moans, whimpers, and spasms, giving him an incredible opportunity of ruin your rationality even more.

“My pretty lady is enjoying herself so much.” Jack kept his low tone, aware of its effects on you “You look so beautiful like that, sweetheart, even more than you already usually do.” He moved his free hand to your face, gently holding your jaw to keep your face the closest possible of his, wanting all your attention just to push you even closer to your limit “You feel so good, sugar, and I love you so much, I could never ask for a better wife.”

That hit you harder than you could ever imagine.

The incredible feeling of finally having his body joined to yours again for itself was already more than you could bear, but that amount of praising was definitely more than you could deal with. You could only surrender to the incredible number of feelings, scratching the back of his neck and pulling his hair as you moaned loudly and closed your eyes hard, feeling your legs trembling slightly as you enjoyed your orgasm.

Jack was having a tough time trying to contain himself and, when he saw that astonishing vision of you moaning and contorting under his body, he just sank his face on the curve of your neck and groaned hoarsely against your skin as he came inside you.

After being able to recover his breath and rationality, Jack leaned to the side, pulling you close to his chest, kissing your forehead, and caressing your back. You still were boneless and lazy, so the most you could do was nestle against him and look at him with a soft and happy expression, sighing when he caressed your cheek.

“It’s so good to see this adorable look on your face again.” He said calmly, still caressing your cheek.

“I think you’ll need to plan a few more date nights for us.” You said while letting your fingers draw senseless forms on his skin.

“Trust me, sugar. I already have another twenty plans.” Jack winked at you with a smirk and pressed a soft kiss on your lips.

Cowboytober Masterlist

[terresdebrume]

More fic covers | More fic recs

I mentioned I made fic cover in a recent post and it reminded me that I'd meant to make one for SJTrinity's Band of Brothers fic: Under Thunder and Rain which is THE Webgott fic, as far as I'm concerned. I've reread it something like five time in the past three months, it's ridiculous. You should read it to.

More about my thought process under the cut, with some spoilers.

So, the entire fic is amazing, of course, but the scene that keeps standing up in my mind is the one in chapter 4, where David is about to sail away on the Tusitala and Joe tries to convince him not to. I love this scene, the vulnerability in both of them, the fact that they find each other, the fact that Joe doesn't realize that it's him David was looking for in the sea. (I know David compares himself to the Shark from the Frisco chapter, but to me his fight to catch said shark is also an excellent parallel of the way he constantly has to reel Joe in and then give him some slack before he breaks the line in his struggle.)

All this to say: I had to have the Tusitala on the cover, if only because if this boat could talk it would be able to tell the tale of how Joe and David finally stop struggling and come together for good. The rain, of course, is a reference to the title and the poem David writes Joe in chapter 5, but I still wanted a bright blue sky as the background because I feel like the vivid and peaceful color are a good contrast to the way they struggle to find their way to one another (and also it reminds me of Episode 10 of BOB, where the color is back in the world and it feels like everything should be alright, but Easy is still losing men and none of them is free of the weight of the war.

The title and author name being on pieces of paper is, of course, a nod to Joe's box full of David's letters and notes, which is also featured against the title card. I wanted watercolor of a bag of groceries for the upper left corner, to further reference that first note and the fact that we don't know how significant it is until the end of the story, because Joe keeps all his cards fucking close to the chest, even if he also betrays himself in his struggle.

(Full disclosure, on my latest rereads the bits that caught my brain were

the time David asks Joe if his future wife does have a smile to die for and Joe says "yeah, it's a great smile. Drives me nuts." While running a finger over David's lips

"He wouldn't add or take away a single thing, and the people who read that book would know how fucking lucky he had been, how he had fought against it and gotten it anyways, this symphony of a life.")

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any graphic on Canva that fit the style of the rest of the cover, so I got a pastry instead. I picked the croissant because, while not extremely sweet for a delicatessen, it's very buttery, and, well: "Copious amounts of sugar and butter clearly loosened him in a way even sex couldn't achieve, because when David came and stood beside him by the stove, Joe threw an arm around his shoulder and bumped their heads together, then playfully tried to wrestle him off his feet." which I feel is also a delightfully deep insight into Joe in general.

And last but not least: the transparent text is the last note David writes Joe in the fic, standing in as the last page of Joe's unwritten book of them.

[yoshiintheweb]

Im jumping in with the bingo card for season 4, im pretty sure most of them happened in all 3 seasons, so the pattern might continue

Explanation under the cut, if anyone needs them

FIRST ROW

-Jimmy dies first: as per usual

-pet murder: was there in 3rd life, was there in Last Life, was there in Double life. Honestly inescapable. I don't count wolves lost in battle unless they have a specific name

-unlikely team up comes with a steal chair: either an alliance with two or more players who never interact with each other in previous editions or a team up of two or more players who are antagonize each other for most of the time who turns out to be a perfect fit for each other

-Tango Rage Moment: it will happened at some point.

-Scar steals the enchanter: He needs to have it, and if there's an option to do so, he will.

SECOND ROW

-Terry comes back: self-explanatory

-dramatic betrayal: there's so many betrayals in every edition

-Joel tries to kill a lot: Originally Joel Kills a lot, he own the title of Most Kills of the season twice in a row now. That's everything he has, killing. He will try and i hope he succeed

-absent member(s) comes back: Skizz, Lizzie and or Mumbo, who are all not in Double Life makes a come back for nee season

-arson backfires: someone tries to burn stuff, it turns against them

THIRD ROW

-previous alliance is referenced: Desert Duo, Flower Husband, Dogwarts, The Gs, Southlands, Magical Mountain ect ect. In any way. The soulbounds in any way excluding "divorces"

-secret alliance is formed: Impulse and Crastle Duo, The Shadow Alliance, The Secret Soulmate. It's a pattern

-free space: bloodshed and tumblr going bonkers

-trap fails: doesn't work, does work but doesn't kill

-Tango dies in a stupid way: His cursed like that. Happened trice.

FOURTH ROW

-an episode is lost due to technical difficulties: anything from corrupted footage to missing audio, basically when someones episode doesn't get published even if they were in the session, due to anything else then not posting it

-accidental foreshadowing of a great tragedy: a thing that happened in previous session, predicts a disaster from the future, due to coincidence cuz the series is not scripted

-Grian kills the one closest to him: Scar in 3rd life, Mumbo in Last Life, BigB and Scar in Double Life. He is cursed like that.

-someone missed a session: just that

-wood base burns to the ground (again): they will not learn, there will be a wood base.

FIFTH ROW

-Martyn does lore: any kind of straight up story telling

-someone is left alone for the whole season: Joel in 3rd life. Scar in Last Life. Pearl in Double Life. There's always some loner out there

-there's only 7 sessions: listen. The previous seasons had 8, 9 and 6 sessions. We need 7 for consistence sake

-wolves army make a return: JOEL GRAIN AND PEARL HAD A WOLF ARMY IN A SEASON A PATTERN PEOPLE

-someone lose a life in session 1: there's always someone who dies instantly so i bet there will be someone like this too

[petals2fish]

1. Fortnight - functioning alcoholic 🥲 YOUR QUIET TREASON. All my mornings are Monday stuck in an endless February. POSTIC GENIUS. Magical move on drug YIKES. I love you you tis ruining my life. I touched you for only a fortnight but I touched you. “My husband is cheating I want to kill him.” MOOD. I love you it’s ruining my life. I’m calling ya but you won’t pick up. Went to Florida?!?! 🫡🫡🫡 thank you post Malone for your service.

2. The tortured poets department: “I’ve seen this episode but still loved the show.” Aka I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING. “Who’s gonna love you if not me.” Lol “We’re modern idiots!!!!” JUSTICE FOR CHARLIE PUTH!!!! “A tattooed golden retriever” made me laugh out loud. “I chose this cyclone with you.” Is so Jily plz. “You’re not Dillion Thomas and I’m not patting smith.” Okay Tay. NO FUCKING BODY: 👍🏼 “Sometimes I wonder if you’ll screw this up with me.” Spoiler ‼️ he did. “Everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be.” I didn’t thanks. “Because we’re crazy.” Okay mood. HE PUT THE RING IN HER RING FINGER?!?! “CLOSEST IVE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING?!?!” PLEASE?!?! “You left your typewriter at my apartment straight from the tortured poets department.” Five stars!!

3. My boy only breaks his favorite toys: ‘I’m queen of sandcastles he destroys.’ Jumps out at me. “Cause I knew too much.” WHAT DO YIU KNOW TAYLOR. “Should have known it was a matter of time.” Taylor is the queen of ignoring red flags. 🚩 This is a fun beat though besties. “Once I fix me, he’s gonna miss me.” YEAH. TELL EM BESTIE. “Stole my tortured heart and left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off.” Sorry Taylor you were better off babes.

4. Down bad: NICER BEAT OKAY. “Dawn bad crying at the gym.” Mood. “Fuck it if I can’t have him I might just die.” No why is this so FUNNY. Like this is Matty we’re talking about for sure. “Everything forms out teenage petulance.” I mean yeah cause you were still developing a prefrontal cortex when you met him. “So fuck you if I can’t have us.” HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS PART. Honestly I feel you Taylor, I’ve been dumb for a dumb boy before too. It’s okay.

5. So long London: EXCISE ME OPENING WITH A CHORAl. THESE KYRICS WHATLFHAKRHS FUCKKKKK. How much sad did you think I had??? Oh the tragedy?! So long London, you’ll find some one???? “You left me at the house by the heath.” “I stopped CPR”?!?! 😿😿 “YOU LET Me give all that you for free?!?!” SHE GAVE YOU A FUCKING GRAMMY YOGURT BOY AND YOU DIDNT EVEN WANT IT. “too graves, one gun?!” Good for you baby girl. “I’ll find someone” SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’m gonna throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Taylor 😿😿😿😿 “I DIED ON THE ALTER” ALDBSKAHDBSJSKS NOOOOO. I’m crying. My Shakespeare queen. You’ll find someone RIPS at my heart.

6. But daddy I love him: “bedroom eyes like a remedy.” Fuck how many matty songs are we getting. This reminds me so much of a faith hill song. No I will not elaborate right now. Very country narrative. This one will be fun to scream in concert just for the “I’m having his baby…no I’m not!!!” Very chaotic. 4/5 stars.

7. Fresh out of the slammer: daily disappearing just to see him smile?!?! Girlie pop you really do lie to yourself don’t you??? “He was with her in dreams” I mean it’s really joeover. This song is fun, I like it, very chaotic as well. 5/5 stars.

8. Florida!!!: Florence my queen you make this song beautiful, I need more listens to deconstruct it though:

9. Guilty as skin: girl just write self insert fanfic if you want to fuck someone this badly (can’t wait to write and read fics based off this one hahahaha) 5/5 stars 🌟

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?: shit I’m crying. Fuck fuck fuck. She truly hates most of the new fans huh. Lmaooo SHE SINGS THIS IN ALL HER REGISTERS OMGGGG. It’s all her past selves screaming at us!!! Aldhaksjdka she’s so fucking clever

11. I can fix him no really I can: AHAHA THE ENDING KF THE SONG ALDBSKAHDKAJDHAKDHW SHE REALLY SAID “OH SHIT DAMN I FUCKED UP DIDNT I” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

12. Loml: Joe Alwyn you need witness protection

13. I can do it with a broken heart: oh god this was hurts me more than so long London because it hits home for every damn time I had to preform on stage and then go cry in the shower between shows 🥲

14. The smallest man who ever lived: 🚨🚨🚨 found at the scene of the crime: Joe Alwyn's Small Dick

15. The alchemy: AHHHHHHH!!! HOLY FUCK WE GOT A TRAVIS SONG ALDBSLAHDBSKSJDBWKEHDBAKWJD HE GOT A SONG FUCK YESSSSS

16. CLARA BOW: the outro. The OUTRO. THE FUCKING OUTRO. I’m dead. 😵

Overall: I love it. I love it. I love it SO DAMN MICH. you can tell how much time and effort she put into production and story telling. FUCK. I love this album as much as I loved Folklore the first time I heard it!!