#and I was kinda thinking about Kyle’s first appearance yesterday

[jasontoddsgaythoughts]

Kyle: Babe, send hole

Jason (who’s currently baking):

Kyle: 🤤

Kyle: omw

[renjunfromthestars]

slow dancing in the dark

Pairing: Jeno + Reader bestfriend!Jeno

Genre: angst, best friend!au, College!au, Best Friends to Lovers! Au

Song recs: Slow Dancing in the Dark (Joji), Don’t Wanna Fall in Love (KYLE), Best Friend (Rex Orange County), EARFQUAKE (Tyler, The Creator), Apricot Princess (Rex Orange County). CAN’T GET OVER YOU (Joji), Me and Your Mama (Childish Gambino)

Word Count: 3.1k 

Summary: You and Jeno have always had a complicated relationship, but time is running out

Or

Jeno is in love with you, but can never express it the way he needs to

Notes: this one kinda hurt me to write ngl,,,I was real sad so I wrote it in one sitting

Please let me know what you guys think!!! I’m still pretty new to writing

---

Up until yesterday, it’s been months since you and Jeno have been in contact. Even though you go to the same school, you can’t help but think that he is avoiding you. If you’re going to be completely honest with yourself, he definitely is. Classic.

When you feel the slight pang of hurt ripple through your chest, you shake your head, trying to snap out of it. You rather not think about him right now. The 15 spotify playlists you embarrassingly curated denoting the emotional anguish of your most recent Jeno-filled-altercation was enough proof you’ve already spent too much time dwelling on this boy, who by the way, you’ve never even dated.

You have other things to worry about. College decisions are coming out soon, and it's absolutely imperative that you keep your grades in good standing. No school wants to accept a student just to find out that they’re a slacker. Better to be more upfront about you really are to the end, rather than to disappoint others later on. 

Jeno’s idea of school is hitting his dab pen in the bathroom, and sitting through every class high. And apparently, his idea of romance is not doing anything about your ambiguous relationship, and telling you to break up with Jaemin after only a week into dating. It was unholy unfair to Jaemin, and it's not like he's had almost three years to tell you how he feels, only to always come whining to you when you’re with someone else. It was a little different last time though. This is your last year of high school, and you both know it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever have as much time to be with (or to avoid) him at such close proximity--you’re almost definitely going to college out of state. Jeno has told you many times your ass is smart enough to pull it off. 

But that was months ago, things have since died down and there is no use dwelling on the past. You’ve cried enough tears, and you’re tired of waking up with puffy eyes that look like you have been stung by an angry bee hive because of it. According to Renjun, Jeno had stopped sulking in his library during his free period and started playing computer games with him again. See? It’s a thing of the past.

But that didn't stop you from occasionally calling him late at night in your many moments of weakness. I mean, it doesn’t really matter if you’re always met with a dial tone right? If he doesn’t pick up, it’s like you never called in the first place. The end always justifies the means. 

You don’t know why it took you so long to figure out that if you really missed him that  much, you should have probably just shot him a text instead of randomly calling him in the middle of the night. Jeno, like with school, is never prepared for anything. Even if he picked up, he’d probably just stay silent. It happened that one time he actually did pick up, both of you silent, not knowing to say in the moment (silence could also hardly be considered a phone call). 

Looking down at your most recent conversation, you sigh. Even before things became so messed up, you valued his companionship. Things are obviously still tense between you two--you don’t know why you even try.  Jaemin wouldn’t be too happy about it either. 

                                                                              ...

“It just makes me feel like shit when I hear people telling me like, ‘Oh you stole Jeno’s girl.’. You’re my girlfriend, not his.” Jaemin scoffs. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, along with his hold on your hand. 

In an attempt to soothe your angry boyfriend, you rub your thumb over your interlaced fingers soothingly. “I know, I know. I can’t help it if we have history Jaemin, people like to talk.”

“I had a talk with Renjun the other day about you and Jeno, and all the shit he was saying. I thought he was my friend.”

Although he was good friends with both boys, Renjun was admittedly closer to Jeno than Jaemin and there was more to his actions than it seemed just though looking at the surface. He was your closest mutual friend to Jeno, and knew more than anyone about the complicated relationship between you two--maybe a little too well. He respected the decision you made, but it was clear that he thought things should have ended differently.

                                                                          …

When you first see Jeno outside of the glimpses you see in the school hallway, he looks different. His hair is styled differently, with the wispy blonde hair of his hair framing his forehead quite nicely. 

Jeno’s eyes quickly flutter to the ground when you look at him, finding a sudden interest in the rocks on the ground. For a boy who treats his shoes like they’re his babies, he’s awfully unconcerned with the scuff marks that begin to appear on his Air Force Logos when he digs a rock into the ground.

“Where do you want to eat?” you ask, walking around him to open the passenger seat of his car.

Jeno looks like he regrets ever even agreeing to meet you for lunch in the first place, with his eyebrows furrowing and as indicated with the speed in which he gets in his new BMW.

“Chick-Fil-A.” He mumbles, pressing the start button on his car.

“Unbelievable. You want to go to Chick-Fil-A? ” you scoff. “We always go to Chick-Fil-A. Don’t you ever get tired of chicken?” 

Granted, it’s been months since you’ve been there together, but you at least expected some variety. There’s been a lot of buzz about the Popeyes chicken sandwiches these days. 

“No, but I get tired of you whining about my food choice when you asked for my opinion in the first place.”

And just like that, like old times, you both bicker on the car ride to Chick-Fil, this time about chicken sandwiches.

When you finally get to Chick-Fil-A, you manage to order your food without any major altercations, save a blazing glare you shoot Jeno when he says “Ranch is disgusting” when you ask for it to go with your nuggets.

As you sit down and dig into your food, you attempt to make small talk about your post high school plans. 

“University of Buffalo?” you say with a mouthful of fries. “I thought you wanted to stay in state.”

“Yeah I do. But I thought it would be smart to keep some options open” 

“Lee Jeno, keeping his options open? Being prepared?” you tease.

His cheeks flush in embarrassment, and you can’t help but admire how pretty he looks, with sunlight shining on his frame. His lashes are long, and with the way the light is hitting his face, his brown eyes are like pools of  dark honey.

Suddenly becoming hypersensitive to the boy in front of you, and you quickly change the subject. 

“How’s your cousin Jinyoung? I haven’t seen him since I last visited your aunt’s restaurant. He was nice enough to me some free dishes off the menu. I told him he needs any help with his college applications he can ask me.”

Jeno stays quiet, picking at his food as you blab about his cousin. Although you’ve only met him once when he came to visit from New York City, he was a sweet boy and you guys kept in contact. Dismissing it as part of Jeno’s natural propensity towards being quiet, you chatter on for a little while longer until you ask him, “why aren’t you saying anything?”

“Jinyoung died four months ago.” He says in a low voice, lowering his gaze to his lap.

Although there were a handful of others eating their lunch in the restaurant, you can barely process the background chatter as a small noise begins to ring in your ears. “What happened?”

“He was diagnosed with cancer, but he didn’t really tell anyone, ” he said in between sips of his drink . “he was in remission for a while but it came back really bad.”

“He has a younger sister right? It must be hitting her really hard.”

Jeno stays quiet as you fall silent, fidgeting with your fingers on the wooden table. Both of you don’t have much to say as your eyes begin to water in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A. 

Jeno places his hand over yours in comfort as he looks out the window. Life is short, and you can’t help but think how much time you have with him. 

                                                                   ...

Weeks pass, and although Jaemin isn’t exactly overjoyed about the fact that you’ve been seeing Jeno regularly again, he accepts it as what he understands it is--two friends reconciling and just hanging out, which you are eternally grateful for. The issue is that being friends with Jeno is never being just friends. You two have too much history for that. Everyday, the bottled feelings left unresolved over the years are at risk of exploding at any moment--it’s only a matter of time. 

You know you’ve got it bad when you find yourself checking your phone for his messages, or smiling at the thought of him. It’s everything--from the way he picks you up in minutes after an argument with your mom, to the way he drapes his heavy lined jean jacket over you during a particularly cold night.  No matter how hard you tried to suppress it, or how much you thought it would work, it was already over from the start. Even earlier when you two acted like strangers and the days you never even thought onnce about him, he was still in your dreams at night. But this time, Jeno is very much real, and alive in the flesh in front of you. And you don’t know if you want to admit to yourself that these feelings for Jeno are also very much real.

You finally decide to tell him when college decisions come out, after you get into your dream University. Graduation was nearing and it meant new beginnings. No matter how deeply rooted Jeno was in your heart, you needed to let go of the things that were holding you back. At least, it's what you’re telling yourself.

“Jeno...” your voice falters, “I can’t keep doing this with you..”

There’s an unspoken understanding between you two as Jeno runs his fingers through your hair to soothe you, and tells you not to cry while you cry. It’s the middle of the night when you tell him you love him. You should be home. You should be with Jaemin.

On the car ride home, Jeno stays silent.

                                                              …

Jeno calls you when you get home to check on you. When you start to cry again he stays silent for a moment.“Don’t be sad’ he murmurs. We have a lifetime to figure things out.” 

You only cry harder at his words. 

When your sniffles begin to subside, and you’re sound asleep in no time (not a surprise to Jeno, considering all the emotional turmoil you’ve faced tonight) Jeno sighs. He can’t help but feel selfish. Every time you tell him you want nothing more for him to be happy, Jeno’s moral compass can’t help but tear a little at the seams. You seem unaware that to him, happiness is being with you. But Jeno can’t have you. He knows that. They say that if you really love something, you need to let it go. But this is something he isn’t ready to let go of just yet. 

A few weeks ago when you two went out to eat, he notices that he always lets you choose the song on the way there, and what you want from the menu. 

“You know all the things we’re ordering are yours right?”

 You begin to apologize, but you’re soon distracted by the special drink menu the waiter drops on the table.

When your eyes light up at the silly lightbulb boba drink you plan to take home to  your sister, Jeno just sighs and pays for the meal. 

On the car ride home, your shared favorite songs play, and he doesn’t say a word to you. Jeno isn’t the best driver, and you vocalize that by nearly blowing his ear off when he brakes a little too fast at the red stop light. When you grab his hand for support, he lingers a little longer before he lets go. Like usual, he panders around your neighborhood when your house draws close, purposely taking the long way home. Jeno thinks about it some more when he waits for you to walk through the door of your house before driving off.  

Jeno always tells you he loves you when it’s too late. When you get your first boyfriend, he gets a girlfriend and tries to forget about you. It’s painfully obvious how he feels when he not so jokingly tells you to dump that “skinny bean pole” for him. He hates himself for taking you for granted when you broke up with said boyfriend around the time his girlfriend dumps him, telling him “I know you just aren’t happy”. For telling Renjun “Don’t worry about it, I know she loves me.” when he tried to warn him about Jaemin’s budding romance with you, even pleaded for him to make his move. It seems that everyone knows what to do with his feelings better than himself, and all he knows how to do is reap the consequences. 

He usually doesn’t have much to say. But tonight, over the phone, he tells you that he loves you. He tells you that he sees you in his future, and to him, you’re like no other. Jeno tells you that he knows you never meant to hurt him, but he’s been hurting for a while, and he can’t stand to see you with someone else.

But you’re asleep, and you can���t hear him. For the longest time, Jeno has wanted so badly to show you his whole heart. This situation you two are in  isn’t what he wants and he knows you feel the same. He wants to stop being on his Mac Demarco shit, to man up and tell you clearly how he really feels, and maybe, have you be his girlfriend, you know-- instead of messing with some other guy’s girl. 

Even through all of this, Jeno has learned a little secret about love. To love you was never about having you. 

                                                                ...

Twirling in your red dress, your arm wraps around Jaemin’s neck. It’s prom, and graduation is right around the corner.  Smiling, you think to yourself that you have finally succeeded, the end is near. Laughing, gazing, looking up at a face smiling back. But for a split second, you don’t see Jaemin’s face in front of you. You see Jeno. 

The memory of the first day, when his laugh over the phone meant something more to you. His voice brings about some of the happiest times you’ve ever known. Memories of the small moments--late nights--a soft smile--a teasing voice--the warm heat on your face in the midst of a teasing comment, and a boy with a subtle charm to find the way through.

Spontaneous trips and laughter, the occasional periods of silence when the both of you were fed up--people who understood you two, but only enough to get in the way.

The light nod of your head when it first found its way to your shoulder, and the dull feeling of yearning it left when it was gone.

You’re at a children’s playground, and you whine about wanting to fly a kite even though you’re nearly 18. Jeno teases you for being a kid, and for even trying when there was hardly any wind out. When you suggest that he run from behind and try to fly the kite with you, you scold him for the third time that it would only work if he ran slower than you. Jeno laughs and you feel your heart tug a little.

You’re devastated, and when Jaemin asks you if something is wrong, all you do is rest your face in the crook of his neck. You don’t want him to see you crying. You hate yourself for doing this to him. You’re not really a religious person, but sometimes at night, staring into the darkness and slightly trembling, you ask God to make it stop. It hurts. You don’t know how it feels for Jeno. You knew every decision you would make wouldn’t be fair to anyone. What do you do? How will you know? Will you ever know?

You don’t want to admit that might have known all along. You know you’ve known all along. To you, there is no one like Jeno. There is no one like him you’ve ever met that has made you feel this way, and if you weren’t with him, then you would spend your entire life searching in vain. You want to be with him so badly, that when you think about it, your heart grows impossibly heavy. But at the same time, you feel free. The timing is never right. You’re with the wrong people. You’re doing it all wrong. He’s doing it all wrong. We’re doing it all wrong. 

You can’t stop thinking about him in the most difficult way. When you suppress him consciously, he shows up in your dreams, smiling, glowing. Ruffled hair, eye smile and all. You can’t help but think about him every night, and when you see something that reminds you of him. Jeno reminds you of everything sad, everything hard, and at the same time, everything easy. He makes your heart feel so heavy, but also at peace. When he told you that you two had a lifetime to figure it out, you want to believe that if it was meant to be, it would happen. But that’s the hardest part. You don’t know what will happen.

Right now, you know one thing, and you know that you love him. You love him so much it brings you to tears. It makes your hands tremble, your body tremble, your heart tremble. You have such a love for Jeno that even if it wasn’t meant to be you wouldn’t care. You want Jeno to be happy. You want him to be healthy, not do stupid shit, and you want him so badly to love you too, and it would be okay if that didn’t happen. You’ve been delaying it-- you always say to yourself and everyone else you need time. You’ll sit on it, think about it, leave it for later. But it’s been months, and years, and you’re right back at the starting point.

Everytime you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, it felt like a dark shadow would cast over you. Because every time you tried to convince yourself you weren’t in love, you realized every bit of you knew you were.

Jeno is your best friend, part of your happiness, and he is your first real love. It’s something you can say with a certainty you’ve never had before.

                                           …

Jeno can feel his heart tear into shreds when he sees you and Jaemin so close. You look beautiful. So beautiful. You’re going away to your dream college and he’ll be many, many miles away from you. Jeno’s cheeks prickle with warmth as his eyes begin to dappen. His heart sinks, just to bobble back up with an expected disbelief. He thought he knew what was coming. 

“There are other things to do without me.” he had told you in the car that night, but the truth is, Jeno doesn’t want to do anything without you. He’s loved you since he met you, and he’s not quite sure that will ever change.

It always hurts. but that's because love isn't perfect, Jeno thinks. He may move on days from now, maybe weeks from now, and could realize he never really loved you.

If he truly loves you, it's never going to be okay, but it will get better. It will get easier. He will be able to go on. 

You might creep into his mind years from now when he finally thought he was over you.

And that's okay, that's what love is.

 It's when his memories come back to him 5 years later, when he wonders how you're doing, maybe if you think about him a little too. But it won't hurt nearly as much and he will realize all that heartbreak did something to heal him.

It's always hard, he thinks, as he walks out of the Prom venue. But he promises himself that it will always get easier.

[lady-of-all-cards]

Ikemen Revolution: Headcanon - When the Red Army Officers Fall Ill

Fandom: Ikemen Revolution Characters: Lancelot Kingsley, Jonah Clemence, Edgar Bright, Kyle Ash, Zero Pairings: N/A Summary: One day, an officer falls ill with a terrible cold. Will they suffer through their work? Or hide away in their blankets until the sickness passes?

Notes: Did I depress you enough with the last two posts? Well here is a little fun happy times to forget that I did that, because I’m not that morbid or depressing (most of the time, anyway). So, I hope this cheers the blog up a little! And of course, I hope you enjoy ^-^

1. The King of Hearts - Lancelot Kingsley 

Lancelot is commonly ill due to his constant use of magic leading to his overexertion.

Kyle is also in on this little tidbit, so dealing with a sick Lancelot isn’t too much for him to do, especially if it’s a common cold.

But being the kind and protective man he is, Lancelot wouldn’t tell anyone of his cold as to not worry them, because this man is a considerate teddy bear!

However, our dear Gentle Demon, Edgar Bright, is far too attentive to detail, and over their early morning meeting, picks up on Lancelot’s drousiness and general unawareness of the situation around him.

Of course, to cause chaos as he usually does, he brings it up in the conversation.

Jonah goes into panic mode, fussing over Lancelot and trying to get him to, at the very least, tell them his aliments so they can help.

Zero steps forward silently and places a crimson lolipop in front of Lancelot on the desk, stepped back sheepishly.

Lancelot takes the lolipop, but doesn’t eat it.

Yet. He’ll sneak it later when Mr.Overprotective-Mother-Jonah isn’t around

Kyle finally decides to pipe up, urging Lancelot to take even an hour’s rest before continuing with his duties.

Lancelot, of course, denies that he needs that, and tries to continue the meeting they were having before.

But it’s four against one.

Jonah would back down with a single command.

Edgar would back down, but he would continously tease him about it for days to come.

Kyle wasn’t backing down. As his personal doctor, his duty was to ensure the king was in good health at every possible moment.

Zero wouldn’t back down either. He’d much rather be ill himself that see Lancelot struggling with any sickness.

And so, Lancelot is forced to yeild. Jonah and Edgar split his paperwork, supposedly an hour’s worth of it.

Zero takes up Jonah’s and Edgar’s duties in training their units.

Kyle drags Lancelot back to his room and settles him down to sleep, giving him cold medicine and painkillers.

However, when he wakes, he realises a number of things:

1. He wasn’t woken after an hour, but was left to rest for three.

2. The entirety of his paperwork for the entire day had been done by Jonah and Edgar in the hours he slept.

Although ashamed about having to rely on his subordiantes so much, Lancelot was endeared by their kindness, and awarded them all with gifts of their favourite choosing.

2. The Queen of Hearts - Jonah Clemence

Much like Lancelot, Jonah will try to hide the fact that he’s ill, but his first mistake happens before he even wakes up…

He overslept… by an entire hour.

His sickness had hit and weakened him sometime during the night, when he opted for thinner night clothes, not expecting the chilling cold after such a comfortingly warm day.

Because of this poor judgement, Jonah’s body refused to wake up, and instead of his usual 6 AM start, he roused from his slumber at 7AM, much to his shock and distain.

It was just his luck there wasn’t a morning meeting that day due to Edgar being called away on business, and Kyle had his usual hangover, so Jonah had a moment to gather himself and actually make him presentable.

He did a good job of hiding it, but only because he stayed in his private quarters completing paperwork and eating sweet deserts that his footmen brought. There was absolutely no need whatsoever for him to leave his room.

Or so he though…

Night had passed over Cradle when he had been called to the King’s office. Edgar had gotten home slightly earlier than usual, and so the morning’s meeting had been called into place.

It seemingly wouldn’t have been a problem if the sun had been seeping through the windows, but in the glow of the Magic Crystals, Jonah’s ghostly features were illuminated fully.

At first, neither Lancelot or Edgar commented on it, opting to leave him be. It was just to late at night to be teasing…

But then… Jonah’s speech began to warp.

His sickness had progressed into a headache, and he began not thinking straight, no longer possessing the ability to rationally organise and explain his points.

However, knowing the proud Queen of Hearts would never forgive himself for ruining a meeting in such a manner, Lancelot brought the meeting to an end early, ordering his Jack and Queen straight to bed.

The next morning after a much needed sleep, Jonah woke up to painkillers and cold medicine on the bedside, with notes from his fellow officers:

Lancelot: “I noticed you were feeling off yesterday. You are given leave for as long as you need to recover. Get well soon :)”

Edgar: “Don’t push yourself, Queen. I don’t was to tease you if you’re not up to being teased.”

Kyle: “Kinda annoyed you didn’t come to me straight away. Take 10ml of medicine in the bottle three times a day and one before bed, and the painkillers once a day when you feel is necissary. And please, for the love of god, please rest.”

Zero: “Edgar told me you were sick. Don’t worry about your duties, me and him had split them while you get better, so just relax. And… here’s a lolipop. A treat from me for when you feel better!”

Although embarrassed at being caught and annoyed at some of the comments, Jonah smiled and decided that maybe it was time to take a day off to recover.

3. The Jack of Hearts - Edgar Bright

The Jack of Hearts never gets sick. EVER.

Or so it seemed, because like most things in life, Edgar Bright was an expert in the art of both faking a sickness to get a day off, and in the art of pretending not to be sick, even though he felt like literal death inside.

It was the latter that ailed him.

For the entire day, he managed to allude detection. He cleared his mind before meetings, and switched training his soliders with one of Zero’s patrols.

Everything was fine and dandy, golden, good to go!

Until that evening, his dear student had challenged him to a duel…

See, Zero found it strange that Edgar skipped on training the new recruits that day because, although he was tough and the sessions always ended in a high workload for their doctor, it was a necessary part to strengthening their resolve.

Plus… Edgar loved playfully torturing and teasing the men of the Red Army, and did it at every chance he got.

So why not this time…?

To any onlooker (and there were quite a few), it appeared to be an even match between two high-skilled soldiers, ending in Zero disarming Edgar.

But there was no teasing.

There was no indication Edgar was truly Edgar.

But during the little sparring match, Zero found it noticably easy to defeat his teacher.

Assuming he would get teased by it to fuel Edgar’s entertainment, Zero played along with it, hoping he’d snap back to his old self real quick.

But the teasing never came…

And so Zero went to the only man who he knew could solve this problem: one Master Kyle Ash.

So, Kyle and Zero innocently dined with Edgar at dinner that night. End of story.

Or so Edgar thought.

He thought he had been in the clear that night as he walked to feed the Creek Family one last meal, but the Creeks were all sat around a small handkerchief, bearing medicine for Edgar, with a small card folded ontop.

“Get well soon, papa - the Creeks.”

It was Zero’s handwriting, he’d recognise it anywhere, but the sentiment still forced a goofy smile to his face as he reached over to pet each duck in to.

Being sick wasn’t so bad, he thought…

4. The Seven of Hearts - Kyle Ash

The first thought Kyle had when he woke up that morning was that he had a hangover.

A totally reasonable conclusion to make, unless he was just so used to waking up with hangovers that it had become normal for him to assume that’s what his ailment was.

And everyone else assumed that also upon seeing him that morning at the breakfast table and during the morning meeting.

However, there was one who’d know the Hungover Doctor too long to be fooled by the effects of a hangover.

Lancelot had slipped Edgar a note during the meeting, and using the cover up of delievering a letter, let the Jack fulfill the true duty he intended.

Kyle never suspected a thing, too busy with his hangover and with his work to bother too much with his cold.

But when he had returned to his personal quarters than night to do some extra studying, he found a small collection of medicines and medicinal herbs, with a small note folded into a card.

“Do you even realise it yourself, Kyle? You’re sick, and I’m not just refering to your hangovers. Take 10ml of this medicine three times a day and one before bed, and you have leave to rest and recover. Try not to get intoxicated while you do so, it would help your recovery - Lancelot.”

He hadn’t noticed until then, but he was feeling drousy, he was sniffling every now and then, a cough stratched at his throat too.

And yet he smiled, knowing the Lance he knew was still kicking about, there to stand by the people of Cradle whenever, wherever.

5. The Ace of Heart - Zero

Much like most of the boys in the RA, he’d try to hide it and continue with his usual business

His exclusion from the crimson bloodline meant that no one really paid too close attention to him, or noticed there was anything wrong.

Thinking he got away from it all, Zero doesn’t let something as simple as a cold hold him back.

However, in the blistering Cradle heat that came around the next, he began to falter.

He developed a fever when he was out training his men, and it quickly grew worse and worse with time, as he failed to attend to it.

His men finally picked up on his daze, and after their schedual came to an end, ran off to get Kyle.

In the infirmary was both Kyle and Edgar, and upon hearing the Ace was unwell, they both rushed to his room to check the damage.

Kyle was, of course, muttering curses about it, annoyed he let it go that far.

On arriving, however, they find Zero passed out over his desk, and after a quick check-up from Kyle, Edgar carries him to the infirmary for treatment.

The next morning, when Zero wakes up in the infirmary feeling a lot better than he did yesterday, he cursed his inefficientness, and tries to leave to get back to work.

But it’s King’s orders.

Zero isn’t leaving until he’s all better! The care behind the order made Zero smile as he secretly snacked on a lolipop...

[muschiettistrashmouth]

Happiest Place On Earth - Andrés Muschietti

Note: Hello there! I’m finally posting here again ♥ I hope you like it and if you want something new feel free to request it or go to my masterlist! Love you guys. 

Ooooh and I’m already thinking of a part two for this one. (This is not the one I was thinking of posting yet, I thought of this one on Monday or something like that)

Requested? Yes

Requests:  Anonymous: can you do more Andy Muschietti stuff? I've kinda developed a crush on him and I read your headcanons. please! thanks. |||   credulouskhaleesi: So 1st and most importantly, I give you absolutely nooo pressure on starting (you let those creative juices stew and create magic when you're ready) but I just realized I never asked you to tag me when you do create the wonderful fanfic featuring the awe-inspiring, Argentinian, aesthetically-perfect, Andrés (Alliteration inspiration?)! I would owe you my 2nd born if u remembered me (sorry, I'm pretty found of my 1st)🤷🏾‍♀️😁❤ T.I.A!

WARNINGS: Toxic relationship, aggressive ex boyfriend, violence, suicide talk (it appears like in one little part but i thought I needed to tw it)

Disneyland is supposed to be the happiest place on earth and yet here you are, listening to your boyfriend Kyle talking shit about how you treat him. And to make things worse, his "friend" Rebekah is getting out of one of the attractions. Yay. "Kylee!" The girls voice is loud and all you wanna do is get out of there. "Bekah! How are you?" Yeah, right. As if you didn't know they fucked. You knew they were together yesterday, you could feel her perfume in his clothes. "Your girl is soooo muzzy." 'God, just get me out of here's + "Okay, rule number one!" The older man started to list, everyone stopped talking and looked at him."Don't lose the kids. Yes, Hader and Chastain are part of the kids." "Hey!" Both said together and then laughed their ass off. "That's what I mean." He was serious, almost as if he was a horror movie crazy doctor or something. "Rule number two: don't do anything stupid." "That's for you." The Wolfhard kid elbowed Hader. "It's not." The older man that played his character put his tongue out like a little kid would do. "It's for both of you, actually." "Aww c'mon man." "Third rule is..." He waited for everyone to look at him. "If you need anything you can ask me or Barbara. Any questions?" Hader put his hand up and everybody groaned. "Yeah, dad, can we have fun?" The comedian asked playfully. "Just don't embarrass yourself or anyone here, ok? Go." As soon as the group started walking towards the park, the blonde woman looked at her brother. "You don't need to act so mad all the time you know?" " I don't know what you're talking about. Let's go before they do something stupid." The man ran to  little Jackson to help him find the rides he wanted to go to, the first rule was already broken. + Waiting to get your food, you were constantly trying to block all the conversation your boyfriend and his "friend" were having. "We should go to the Prince Charming Carrousel." Kyle eventually looked at you to see if you were paying attention, returning to look at her lovingly. "Everything for you, honey." He had said. "Everything for you, honey." You said mocking him. "What?" Kyle looked at you right away. "Huh? Oh nothing, nothing." You faked smile, hoping he wouldn't grab your arm this time, hoping you wouldn't have bruises to cover up. "That's what I thought." The way he looked at you made you shiver. "Can we please go see Belle? Or Ariel? I really want to take some pics with them." You said eating your churros. Some people passed by looking at your back and arms that still had some bruises from last time, God you hated that. "Excuse me, ma'am." A soft voice called you. "I'm lost, can you tell me where the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train is?" You got down to talk with the kid, trying to remember the exact place. "JACKSON!" You heard a man. "Jeez, kid! Don't do that to me." "It's okay, she'll help us, Andy!" Jackson said to the man. You could feel Kyle's eyes burning in your back, but hey, it's just a kid. You gave him the directions to the attraction. "Thank you, ma'am." The little kid said when you got up. He was really sweet. "Thank you." The tall man looked at you and you could see he had some curiosity in his stare. "Sorry for yelling earlier, I'm with a bunch of kids here, it drives me mad." "Not a problem, sir." You laughed. "Let's go, y/n." Kyle grabbed your right arm. You stayed quiet for a moment to stop yourself from shivering. "Okay, honey." "Is that a problem?" The man, Andy, said. "I'm her boyfriend. Stop trying to fuck her." 'oh no' you thought 'its happening again' "Kyle, I was just giving the kid some information, it's nothing." After you said that the only thing you felt was a slap in your face. "Don't talk like that to me, you whore. I'm sick of it." He was complaining that people were looking at you the whole week. It was a matter of time this would happen. "Let her go." Andy said, ready to fight him. Kyle was still holding your arm tightly. Jackson was scared, holding the blonde woman's hand, both starring at you three. Rebekah was sitting on a bench, eating your churros and watching the little show. "Make me." The blonde woman gave Jackson to a redhead woman that went to talk to her, they seemed like good friends. She then walked your way. Andy punched your boyfriend's face, he let you go and the blonde hugged you and got you closer to her friend and the kid. It all happened so fast, they were punching each other, Kyle was surprisingly losing, and then a security guard came running. Andy explained the situation while holding Kyle on the ground. "I'll take it from here." He got Kyle and started walking. "And what about him?" He started yelling, trying to get away from him. "He didn't do anything... As far as I care you tripped and fell on the ground." The guard explained. "Y/n! You come right here." You tried to go, but the blonde was still holding you in place. "I have to go." "You don't have to." She said. "Not anymore." "You don't understand... He'll get mad and then beat me up again." This came out between sobs. "He said that if I ever leave him he'll kill himself!" "He won't, honey." The redhead said softly. Her hand on your shoulder. You were crying. Hard and painfully. Your knees on the ground, the blonde still hugging you, and you hold onto her tightly. "Everything's gonna be okay." "Barb." Andy said, helping you both get up. They talked a little bit, but you didn't understand Spanish. She was still hugging you, saying everything is going to be okay and that you're free now, Andy went to buy some cold water for you. "I didn't got the chance to know you better. My name's Barbara, you can call me Barb if you want to." Barbara smiled. "I'm y/n, you can call me y/n/n." You smiled back. People like Barbara and Andy were rare in your experience, normally people would let Kyle beat you and even blame you for that. "Thank you for helping me. I really appreciate that." "Oh honey, that's the least we could do. I'm so sad that he was able to slap you tho." "Not the first time, not the first place..." A sigh escaped your lips. "Here." Andy gave you the water bottle. "Put it on your cheek." "Thanks." He scared you a little. He was handsome, but really tall. And he also looked like a crazy doctor. "Not for that, miss." He nodded to a group of mostly men that joined the redhead woman and then looked at you again. "You should come with us to the attractions. That way no one will bother you and... You can actually have fun." "That would be nice." "Great, you will love them." He gave you his hand to help you up again. "These two are clowns. They are really idiots." He pointed at the redhead and a goofy looking man. "She's Jessica and he's Bill, you can call him Hader. The others are Isaiah, Andy, James, the other James you can call Ransone, Bill and Jay." He pointed at them while saying the names. "The kids are Finn, Wyatt, Chosen, Sophia, Jack, Jeremy, Jaeden and  Jackson." "It's a pleasure to know you all." You had stopped crying and were drying your tears. The rest of your day was incredible. They made you laugh and were super friendly to you. Hader was the funniest guy you ever met. When you went to get lunch, Andrés - that was his real name - paid your lunch, he insisted. After the fireworks, everyone headed to the parking lot. "Hey, message me when you get home okay?" Andrés said after stopping by your car. You gave him your phone so he could put his number in it. "I'll probably put you in our group chat." "That's really nice of you, Muschietti." "Drive safely, honey!" Barbara said opening up her window. "You too!" You got inside your car. That really was the happiest place on earth.

TAGS:  credulouskhaleesi

If you want to be tagged in something pls tell me, I’ll gladly tag you ♥

[smolbeandrabbles]

Spera - Elias x Reader (Trespass)

Direct Follow Up To: Veritas GIF Credit: X

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​ 

Author’s Note: *Story Time* Ha-! I went on holiday in September and there were a bunch of DVDs at the holiday home and no word of a lie, this was one of them and my parents wanted to see it. So, I kinda wanted to continue things from ‘Veritas’... and watching it again got me inspired (and I got to notice a bunch more stuff!) 

I was going to call this ‘What She Wants Tonight’ ... but then I decided to keep the Latin theme.

So you get Elias back-! 🎉

What She Wants Tonight - Luke Bryan  (Because of course it’s Luke Bryan)

Disclaimer: Trespass & associated characters not mine / gif not mine / lyrics not mine. / Call backs to Veritas / Kyle Sullivan (Guns for Hire) gets another name drop.

Premise: You hadn’t expected him to call you, of course. But then you didn’t think you’d expected to see him again either. On this mission you must work together. But it’s clear that that’s not your only objective...

Words: 7171

Warnings: Swearing / Sexual Pre-Amble / I really can’t write action scenes.

_____ She walks up, velvet rope unhooks She snaps her fingers and a drink comes She locks you down with just one look She's got this whole club undone If she's on the rebound, you ain't gonna know it Coming off a heartbreak, she ain't gonna show it She's eyes caught, red dot, locked on me, yeah She wants my hands on her body She wants to burn like she's made of fire Said she ain't going home 'til we Drink every drop of Kentucky dry Don't even know what she'll do when she does it Palm of her hand, I'm hers in the blink of an eye She don't take no and I love She gets what she wants And I get to be what she wants tonight I get to be what she wants tonight I get to catch all her secrets Sequins bouncing off flashing lights If she wants it, then we're leaving Get me home, park the truck, cut the tires I get to be where she goes when she's lonely The last door of the night she's closing Oh, I know she could have anything, but And I don't know how I got to be The only thing she needs right now

---

To anyone who wasn’t aware, the building could have been a normal office block, the people going in and out certainly appeared to be normal office workers. A few of them were – in order to hide their organization, the first few levels of this building had been rented to businesses, but the rest of the block belonged to the Agency.

You stepped gently into the elevator and swiped your access card, pushing the elevator button for your floor you stood back against the mirrored walls and waited to ascend.  Of course, by the time you were to the floor, Joel was already busy running around gathering papers and talking loudly on phones… it was clear that you wouldn’t be here long, they would have you out the door as quick as they had you in. Joel was a little like a personal assistant. Although an ‘assassin’ in his own right he was more on the level of office worker casual, than your higher ranking. He was not your partner - although you did use him as such on occasion - and you were not his mentor, he had been taught the basics by others but that’s as far as he got. He was your go between, only top clients saw you face to face (and were always surprised that you was a woman) everyone else went through Joel, he arranged your payments and sent off your confirmation… sometimes he helped on intel, or clean up detail, but he also arranged transport and set things between your Superior and yourself. He managed to offer you a quick nod as he rushed around, which you gratefully returned… you ascended a flight of steps and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” You entered. “Y/N. Quick as ever to the call I see.” “There isn’t often a time when I cannot get here. I’d like to keep my records intact.” “And they are quite some records.” Your Superior indicated to the chair in front of him, “Please sit.” You did as was asked, crossing your legs one over the other. “…It’s a wonder to me why the Master has not called you up yet.” “Because he knows that I’m good at ground work. If you pulled me up another level then, of course, I would have jurisdiction over several assassin’s as you do, but I would only get called to field work in times of dire need… and We haven’t had a real firefight in close to 100 years. I would do better out there. Plus aren’t you all men?” you managed to crack a little smile, “I’m not indicating sexism, but…” He gave a small shrug, “They all think you’re male anyway. As we all go by codenames here.” “Yes there is that.” You nodded to the window, “Joel appears to be working hard on the next big thing already,” your eyes flicked back to your Superior, “I assume I am needed right away?” “Yes…” He handed you over a file “As you’re in the area, we thought that might take your fancy. It isn’t directly your job, but it does pay well.” You opened the file and raised an eyebrow, “Nilo? Again?!” “Several of these drug lords are untouchable. As you well know.” “Eh, they give good business, some even pay well,” you flicked the page, “these just seem to be calls for several underlings…” “Several big Russians are getting too big for their boots, too…” “So there’s a lot going on?” “I would only send my best to several jobs at once.” You took the second file from the desk, they all looked to be linked, “These guys aren’t in situ yet, are they?” “No. But we have it on good ear that they will be.” “So Nilo calls for the blood of the Russians, and some” you squinted as you read the name, “…This sounds like drug wars?” It had been a while; they weren’t exactly to your taste. Nilo was a very old client indeed – back when you were just starting out on your own. “You have connections.” “Yes. Joel is useful in that respect too… Does he know?” Joel would know the when and where and exactly what you’d need. You doubted he’d be doing so much rushing if he knew what this was really for. “You can brief him.” “Hmm. Well, it’s a good thing we focus on the numbers and not the side…” You stood, collecting the folders together, “Consider it done.” “Good. Your payment for yesterday has been wired. The man himself has been reported missing. I assume no body will turn up?” “Not on my watch. Unless someone asks for it specifically.” You waved the folders, “Expect some good news within the next few days.” “I always do with you, Y/N. Good luck.” “Thank you Sir. But I won’t need it.”

 As you exited the room and took the stairs you called to him: “Joel!” He fell in step as you hit the floor; “Can get the car out front, I’ve sent intel up to Marty, meet in 10?” “Sure, let me go see what our weapons tech has for me then… you ready?” “Sounds like there’s a war brewing.” “Drugs war. Hope you enjoy undercover.” “Me? Oh Geez…” Joel’s face told the story you expected “Well I’m not even supposed to be there am I? They don’t call me Ghost Shadow because they can see me, do they?” “It’s actuall-” “Don’t care, Joel, remember…” You looked to him with a smile, you’d never had much patience for whispered codenames, “Besides, you have the connections.” He scoffed, “Don’t rope me in with the drugs guys, Nilo’s just used me before.” “Yeah, but I want other side intel.” You tapped him in the chest with your folder, “Get it.” “Yes Sir.” “Funny.”

***

Your weapon’s technician looked as enamoured as ever to see you, his smile bright as you walked onto his floor: “Y/N!” “Marty.” “…Off already?” “One day I’m taking the first fight out to Cozumel and NOONE is going to stop me.” “If you ever get a break, considering what you do, I’m going to give you free range and let you clear out my weapons cache entirely.” “Oh? You’d do that for me?” You fluttered your eyelashes teasingly “Marty!” you tapped your card in, and opened the doors, “What do you have in?” “New? Since you were last in here?” “Don’t give me that tone! Because if there’s one thing I know, you are a collector and second, I haven’t been using this particular weapons store in my work recently, so, yes, new!” “Usually you carry your own pistol.” “Usually?” You gave him a wry smile, “Always. And I do, but everything else-” “What I like most about your pistol is its untraceable.” “Well. That’s how he made it.” “So it WAS his.” “Yes. It the least I could do to honour him.” “…Well, you are right, I do collect. I have several new rifles in, but you’re not such a fan. I also have a light weight sniper gun, and if you were ever interested in something smaller for close range-” “A pocket gun?” You chucked, “Bring it, a lot less messy than a knife.” “So they do work?” “Execution style. Yeah – anything will work if you want it to. I mean, sometimes us Assassins have to improvise; that said its always hoped things will never get that messy.” He slid the tiny gun across the table to you, “It’s not been road tested yet. But… I can think of no better person to try it out. Careful.” “Will be,” you patted it as you slid it into your top coat pocket, “and for Joel?” “What do you think he’ll need?” “You’ve read the file, you tell me! Don’t forget rope; the most useful thing you could give me.” “Kinda think a gun would be more useful.” “Rope saves lives, guns take lives. Get my meaning. Besides, how else do you expect me to ascend or descend a building?!” “Stairs!? A lift!? This is Nilo we’re talking about, it’s not exactly big budget. This isn’t Mission Impossible.” “Well it could be-!” You cracked a smile as Marty muttered under his breath, collecting everything up – he handed the bag to you, “Have a good trip. See you in a few days.” “Of course! Thanks!” *** Joel complained the whole way; it was to be expected - you were used to getting into the middle of gang and mafia warfare. Taking out politicians and heads of state. Drugs sometimes, on a higher level – but drugs carried its own problems… This, in particular, was way below your pay grade. “You’re too good for this.” “He’s fronting the right amount of money and he wants me.” “No, fact is you should have been off shit like this years back. You did some good jobs back then, but you’re above this now. And drugs?!? Y/N, you abhor drugs. It’s like your one thing.” “Look, if He sends me then I can’t push back.” “You have authority, surely?” “Well it’s a little late now. Next time I’ll think on it.” “Yeah well, you better.” His hard stare switched from you to the road. No doubt, Joel didn’t want to be mixed up in this any more than you. Perhaps it was about time you asked to politely be removed from anything related to them.

When you pulled into the parking lot he began grumbling even more. Of course Joel had most of the intel, maybe he’d need a little more research but, that’s what the first meeting was all about. Sometimes you thought he’d rather stay at HQ and feed you the info via a web link. “I mean, a strip club. Could this be any more degrading for you?!” Joel was about to launch into how the Agency should think before sending their best female agent to places like this, to stop the tirade you gave a smile and a joke instead. “As long as you’re not expecting me to get up and dance?” You nudged him, “Besides the girls all love you.” “Not interested.” Was his blunt reply, reaching into the back seat for his case. “Nothing will cheer you up today, huh?” “No. It’ll get worse.” You rolled your eyes, “Okay, so let’s get in, get it done, get out.”

*** To be honest when you’d left your card with Elias you never expected him to call it. Maybe hoped on it, but you’d been done with hoping after a few days; those had now bled into months - and you had plenty of kills under your belt since then (and a grovelled apology from Kyle Sullivan. He hadn’t called on you again since.) But your day got a little better as you wandered into the club and very nearly snorted, hiding your face and smirk behind Joel for a moment. “What?” “Remember when I told you about that little bit of trouble at Mr.Sullivan’s place?” “Yeah, I remember...” “Guess we just stumbled on where they came from.” If it had pleased you, Joel turned another shade of glum. “Brilliant.”

Indeed, though you looked pretty collected as you approached Nilo, Elias has turned sheet white. The others wouldn’t have noticed, you’d taken them all out before they saw your face. Well, maybe except the big guy but he was eyeing you with a certain level of curiosity, instead of what was going through Elias’ mind. Clearly not so happy to see you. You didn’t even spare him a proper glance, nodding to Nilo instead. “It’s been a minute.” “Indeed it has, Y/N. Welcome. We’ll certainly be glad to use your services once more…” “No use kicking around, I suggest we discuss the job.” You bowed your head gently, if only to say my pleasure - with a smirk. Because it would be your pleasure. Although, looking back to Elias you were sure that not everyone was glad. *** Elias didn’t really speak much during the briefing; you already counted too many people involved – and Joel was getting antsy. You’d just have to deal with it, you could do this alone but Nilo wanted to make sure everything was done to his letter – and therefore was sending a group along with you. You didn’t particularly understand this; did he think you were still a kid who’d only just started out? Reckless and a little dumb? You thought it was more likely the group he wanted to send were the ones who would mess everything up. Elias and Ty were amongst them. Elias, being the obvious one you knew – who did not like being under the weight of your stare – and Ty being the one you’d picked out as a potential problem back at Mr. Sullivan’s house. Elias’s brother, Noah, was also in on the meeting and a couple of guys who looked less tough than paper, who you would refuse to take when it came to your terms… but let Nilo think he’s in control, for now. Joel and yourself were now sitting at the bar of the club, him facing it with his laptop, grumbling like there was no tomorrow. And you facing the pole dancers, back against the bar. You’d never had the inclination to get up there and do that, but you were 99% sure you could; maybe one day you’d give someone a run for their money. Joel had ordered some cocktail that came with a lollipop and you wasted no time in stealing that. Your drink wasn’t alcohol, you didn’t drink on a job – Champagne was for afterwards. Joel was drinking to get himself through this one. “So?” “I can’t believe this.” “You’ve said that 20 times.” You removed the candy from your mouth, “I need, you know, something useful.” “I mean the complex itself is relatively easy to get into, you don’t even need the code, just fry everything. There’s multiple floors but there’s hardly anywhere that’s going to have cover…” He was staring hard at the schematic. “Why are we not going alone? The more bodies in a corridor the harder this is!” “Joel.” You warned. “Okay, you just need to get to the inner most point. It looks like one of those panic rooms.” You half turned to his screen as he tapped it, replacing the lolly with an agreeing hum. “Assured your guy, and whatever drugs or shit you gotta haul on back, is there.” He turned to you, looking more than a little disgruntled that he was having to do this, “I’ll make a couple of calls. It won’t be hard. And forgodsake, please do not drag this personal hell out for me.” “I’ll try.” You gave a gently sarcastic smile and he sighed. “And PLEASE stop doing that overtly sexual thing you do! Like, I don’t need it.” “It’s not for you.” “I think he’s a bad idea.” Joel eyes were back on his laptop, and you weren’t sure if his uncomfortable shift was just for show. You supposed he was only going to point back to his ‘degrading’ speech if you pressed further. “I didn’t ask you.” “No, and I can see why.” Of course you were playing a game here. You knew Elias was watching you – there wasn’t much out there you weren’t aware of. That was all part of your training. But you’d noticed that try as he might he couldn’t keep his eyes off you, and you could busy yourself with being a seductress whilst also being teasing and paying him absolutely no mind. What you’d also come to the dissatisfying conclusion of was that his girlfriend was also here; oh, and she was not impressed. You didn’t really care, it was fun to play them against each other, in fact maybe it was more satisfying to have her here, realising exactly what you were doing. Because she was all over him and that was not an exaggeration, but Elias was pushing her out of the way to keep on staring at you. So, if Joel really didn’t think you were going to sit on this stool with your chest pushed out and your shirt riding up, sucking on a lollipop… well he should know better. You didn’t need to show too much skin: the idea was to let his imagination do the work. From what you could tell, Elias’ imagination was working overtime. Joel left you alone to make his series of phone calls outside, convinced that he needed air anyway. Which you’d laugh at of course, considering he’d probably kill his time outside smoking. At which point you turned back to the bar and gathered your thoughts – before you would begin to clear your head of everything but the mission. That was all that would matter for the next few days; that was all that had to matter. As you were pondering this however, you were approached by someone else, and you didn’t really have to guess who had made his way across the club to you. “Well, I see you can’t even call a number on a card, how do you expect me to think that you can pull this off?” Elias slid onto the stool next to you, tipping his head, “It’s not that simple.” You turned your eyes on him, “I get it, you have a girlfriend. Don’t tell me you’re not interested. And if you’re not, don’t come over here and talk to me, keep it strictly business.” He rummaged in his jacket pocket and your calling card was placed back on the table, “I wanted to.” You couldn’t help but smile as you stared at it, “Wanting is something you can say easily, the doing is the only thing I have use for.” Your fingers brushed his as you pushed the card back towards him, “Keep it, if you ever decide to become useful to me.” “Y/N…” The bar tender placed a drink in front of him without Elias even asking and your look away from him was enough to be an eyeroll, with the way you stared straight at the back wall. He spent enough time here for that then. He took a sip, eyeing yours. “You don’t drink?” “Not on the job no.” “Y/N, what are you doing here?” “I’m an assassin, I told you that. It’s like you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said since I walked in.” “Is that any surprise?” His voice was laced with sugar, which made you a little uncomfortable as you turned to him. Those blue eyes were watching your face intently, and if you thought that a man like him was capable of melting, that might be what you’d call it. “Please, Elias. Go back to your girlfriend.” There was a pause, before he leant into your space and you sighed in obvious frustration. “Why do you need two guns?” He indicated to the one on the counter that no one was paying any mind to, and then to your hip, partially concealed by your coat. “Assassin as good as you.” “Will you do what I say, if I tell you?” His smile became a grin that was more of a smirk, “Depends what you tell me to do.” You couldn’t help but hum a laugh as you unholstered the one on your belt, “That,” you waved at the one on the counter, “that’s my own, it’s no big deal. It’s probably standard issue – due an upgrade, but it’s never let me down. Call me superstitious, but I’d quite like to keep it around. This baby…” You weighed the one in your hands up. “Belonged to my mentor.” “The one that used to spew Latin before he killed people?” You couldn’t help but smile as you nodded: he remembered. “So why do you have it?” You placed it with your own and leant into him, you became a little huddle and lowered your voice, “Because he died, Elias. It’s in honour and memory of him.” There was a moment’s pause, and Elias wondered if you’d opt to continue the conversation, “…How? I mean your line of work is dangerous but-” “The Agency killed him, made me watch.” The flicker across Elias’ face was both apologetic and a revelation; ‘that might explain a few things’ “He fell in love with a target, he couldn’t kill her. Eventually the Agency found out and executed him.”  It was weird for you to just out and say it like that, it jarred you – you weren’t sure what you were thinking, saying something so personal. You were supposed to have better instincts than that. Did you trust him? There was something cold about the way you were talking that didn’t fit with the look on your face, and Elias tipped his head – “But you’re working alone now, you have no mentee of your own?” He seemed to be asking if that process would be too painful for you. Instead you gave a shake of your head, “No. I have no patience for that. I would be no good, not yet anyway. Not all of us make it through the process – hence why Joel is my assistant and not an assassin himself. He has all the skills, he didn’t pass all the tests.” You frowned momentarily, then shrugged, “I’ll probably die doing this, or see myself old enough to take my bosses job. Though, I’ve never been much of a girl for desk work.” Elias would agree with that, “How long have you been doing this?” “…That’s… a little too much of me to expose to you.” Oh, but you liked this didn’t you? Talking to him. To someone who was actually interested in you. “I never knew my parents. The Agency has a specific way of testing kids at orphanages and such. There’s no attachment, nowhere for the kids to run. Still, they take care of you better than some children get treated by their own parents so, I guess there’s a win somewhere.” Something twinged in Elias by the look on his face, making you realise you’d touched on something that was a little too much of him to expose to you. You left it alone. “I guess you have a point there.” “Uh huh.” You couldn’t help but smirk as you looked over his shoulder, this girlfriend of his had spotted the two of you talking and the livid look on her face was only making your ego swell a little. There was no way she didn’t know he was into you, and you were invested enough in the conversation to have some attachment to him. You wondered if he’d told her about your kiss, if it was obvious to her by the way Elias looked at you. But he was still watching your face, even when you turned away, the way you were smirking and clearly enjoying yourself, “What?” He was clearly amused, he hoped it was him. “Your little girlfriend is about to blow a fuse.” Elias’ face fell instantly as he looked over his shoulder, “Oh-” “She a dancer here?” He didn’t need to nod, “You walking cliché.” You nudged him off his bar stool, “Go. Go on.” “Try not to miss me.” He shot back, hands getting a little too friendly as his touch lingered on you. Instead you scoffed, picking up your cup, “Trust me, I won’t.”

 ** You kicked around for another day and a half, longer than you would have liked, but once Joel had his intel sorted the small group you assembled had to make the plan water tight. Which means they listened to you, no questions asked. Ty was about the only one you really trusted, he was built for this and he took an interest in you for reasons you thought were kind of unhealthy; not an assassin, you could tell he was probably going to enjoy this. You never took enjoyment from killing – it was just your job. Still, Ty was quiet and nodded along. Elias didn’t. And to be honest, if you weren’t having so much fun playing him and Petal – you’d tried not to snort – off against each other, you’d be more pissed with him than you already were. “She is NOT coming on this mission!” “She always tags along.” “You’re not running this mission Elias, I AM. And there’s only one thing I have a hard stop on, and that’s drugs.” Before he could protest the irony of what you were doing you continued, “She’ll fuck the whole thing up and I know you know that. I will not take drug dependants on this mission. Or we can take her, but I’ll put a bullet in her head the second I feel I have to and I won’t hesitate.” “---You’re…. insane!” “It’s my job. I don’t fail on my tasks; your little gang of tag-alongs are not going to change that.” “Then I won’t come.” “Well don’t. Explain to Nilo why, for all I care.” Elias sighed, faltering on the fact you would give him up so fast, a little too easily for someone who wanted to labour a point, “Okay. Okay… I’ll tell her.” “You better…” He turned away but you pulled him back by his jacket, “Woah, hey. Your brother’s not coming either.” “Oh my god-” “Because he’s the opposite problem. He’s not taking his medication and he’s erratic. You think I can’t read tells?” “No, on this I might be inclined to agree you have the right idea.” “So we’re agreed, on the same page.” Elias didn’t meet your eyes as he nodded, “Yeah.” “So we’re getting somewhere.” Your arms folded, confident little smile making him give you that same melted look. Scratch all previous thoughts, Elias was easier to play than a deck of cards. You wondered how long he’d spent looking at your calling card and desperately wishing to call the number. You wondered why Elias hadn’t already. What was his real reason? He could give you as many cocky smirks and sarcastically suggestive little quips as he wanted – you could see right through him. “I thought we already were.” *** You should have bet on how much complaining Joel was going to do, by the fact that he was muttering curses in more than one language under his breath. For the first part of the journey you thought it was funny, and responded in kind. Linguistics was a nice hobby, and Joel and yourself had a healthy competition on how many you could learn. Aside from that, it was good business practice. For the second half of the journey you settled into silence, closing your eyes and taking yourself through all your focus meditation and breathing exercises – before checking and double checking your weaponry. Then triple checking it – obviously. All with Joel still grumbling on, and Elias and Ty asking each other if this was something they ought to be doing. Joel slowed the van and parked up, the complex was in view, but you were out of sight. You had split yourself into two teams: Elias and yourself, and Joel and Ty. You would clear the first few floors together – without breaking a sweat – and then they would go on look out and you’d take out the name on your rap sheet. Obviously your assistant was as impressed with this arrangement as he was with everything else – but he was on side with you, and he understood it. He could make sure there were no screw ups. Joel also had a build like Ty did, so he wasn’t about to be taken out, or by surprise, by him. You all had communication links to each other so you could keep tabs, but you wanted radio silence unless absolutely necessary. The only good thing about this was that you didn’t really have to worry about how messy you were, Nilo didn’t have a preference for making someone disappear, he just wanted the man killed. As predicted the four of you swept the first few floors silently, splitting the building nearly in half you came to the point where you’d be leaving Joel behind, turning to him you opted to continue your language game: “You know where you’re going?” “I know what I’m looking for.” “Be careful. I don’t trust them.” “The feeling is mutual.” “Yell if you need anything.” He shot Elias a look before turning to you, “I’d say the same, but I think you can handle yourself!” You chuckled, “Thanks, Joel. Until later.” And, indicated for Elias to follow you, ascended the stairs.

  ***

Everything looked very different up here, but was equally as quiet. There’d be security every so often, you were sure of that, as there had been downstairs. Perhaps more, considering your target was their boss, but nothing you didn’t think yourself capable of handling. “So, I don’t get it, is this a drugs complex, or a house!?” You turned to Elias as he stared around the walls: very domestic from the bland grey concrete you’d seen downstairs. “Both.” It wasn’t a guess; you’d seen the schematic. “A safe house?” “Round about, we’re heading for a panic room.” “You have that map stored in your head?” You kept the pistol steady as you rounded the corner, it was clear and you beckoned him on, “Is that impressive?” “Vaguely.” You chuckled, “I’ll take it.” You suddenly pulled back, slamming Elias against the wall as a bullet streaked passed you, “Shit!” You weren’t worried about that, immediate with your retaliation fire. You were trained for this, it was instinct. There was more than one of them and you had to bring them down quick less they raise the alarm, you had no time to think about cover: about the only thing Elias did think of. “They’ll have heard bullets, I gotta go.” You turned back to him, “Your choice, go back to them or try to keep up!” Trying to keep up was much easier said than done, and you had sprinted out of sight by the time Elias had run around the next corner. “Ah, shit.” He ran a hand through his hair, “Well, I’ve followed her this far!” You must have been quick, because Elias made it another couple of floors up before he found any signs that you might have had difficulty, what worried him was that it was your mentors’ gun that was lying on the ground – so out of the way it’d probably been kicked or thrown there. Carelessly; you hadn’t just decided to drop it. You certainly would have retrieved it.  Whoever your mentor had been, however you tried to hide it, Elias knew he’d meant a lot to you. Picking it up, the still loaded chamber and half empty magazine told a worse story to him. What the hell had happened to you?! Surely they hadn’t overpowered you? Not you! *** Elias almost started to believe it as he continued walking, as suddenly there wasn’t a body, or blood or an empty casing anywhere in sight. Everything was still quiet. Not a sound, not even on the radio. He arrived on the next floor, and again everything was clear. It occurred to him to call the other two for help very nearly a little too late, as, more concerned with finding out where you were, Elias rounded the next corner without his pistol up. In fact, without a pistol at all, and he was faced with yours. “You’re lucky that I check what I’m shooting at before I pull a trigger, Elias! Geez!” You flicked the safety on. “ME!? You just gave me a heart attack! Where the hell did you go!?” You shuffled on the spot with a little shrug, “Look, just, don’t go upstairs into the office, okay?” “Office…? What? I thought you said he had a panic room.” “He absolutely had a panic room – he wasn’t in it. It was not the cleanest kill I’ve ever made and…” You paused staring up at the ceiling, “At least it’s done.” He followed your eyeline and grimaced, leaking through the ceiling already was a patch of blood, “That’s a lot of bodies or it’s a terribly built house-!” “Bit of both…” You looked to him, “Hardly matters right now, don’t you think?” “Who the hell are you, Y/N?” Your head tipped, regarding him seriously in the eschewing silence to his question. “You really want to know that?” He nodded firmly, “Yes.” Elias wasn’t sure he liked the smile you gave back, the way it made the heart leap in his chest, and a shudder run up his spine. You grabbed him, shoving him up against a wall this time not to protect him – far from it. Your lips on his were rough, this wasn’t love…  you weren’t even sure you could call it chemistry. But it was something. Elias pulled your body into his, your fingers running into his hair, he groaned into the kiss as you raked your nails across his scalp. But you continued to push his body as you made him breathless. Oh… shit. Elias could barely think properly as he ran his hands under your coat and over your ass, pulling your shirt with him, the feel of your supple skin under his calloused hands drove him crazy. Until he found himself backed up against a door, breaking the kiss in confusion. “Maybe you should try it.” You encouraged, voice at a whisper as you brought his lips back to yours, Elias wasn’t going to say no, and it swung open behind his push. This time when he broke the kiss it was only to smirk. “Oh? A bedroom?” “Uh huh.” He turned back to you, eyes raking your body as they had done before, but now significantly more hungry. You pushed a finger to his lips before he started getting clever: “…Stop talking… stop thinking… don’t make me wait any longer.” Replacing your finger with your lips, Elias pulled back to nod, “Okay.” He pulled you into his arms, relieving you of your coat immediately. It was almost like no time had passed at all, he tasted the same as you remembered, whisky and cigarette smoke. Elias pulled you closer, certainly not eager to break the kiss or let you go for even a moment. You pulled off his leather jacket, throwing it with your own; you revelled in the way that you were both so different, but you wanted the same thing so badly. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” He gave you a small smirk. You let the look on your face answer for you, to which Elias grinned, hands under your shirt he pulled it over your head, allowing you to relieve him of his own. His fingers ghosted over your skin, and he paused momentarily: every so often there was a litter of scars. You weren’t about to count the number of times you’d been in real trouble, but you always got out of it. You simply chuckled, “Yeah, no dancing on a stage in just my bra and panties for me.” “That’s not why I’m here.” You’d agree with that, kissing him gently again, your fingers grazed over his chest and Elias tensed; “What? Scared?” You smirked against his lips. “A little. It’s not like I don’t know what you’re capable of.” “I don’t sleep with my targets.” You kissed him again, winking as you undid his belt, dragging him back to your lips with his belt loops; this time he bit your lip gently, making you groan against his kiss. Elias picked you up, undoing your pants and bra clasp, pushing you down onto the bed he nipped down your jawline and neck. You pulled him back, reciprocating Elias’ trail of kisses, whispering prayers into his skin in nearly every language you knew. He slid your pants down your legs with a sigh, and he shook under your touch. You were too much for him already, but you weren’t about to show Elias mercy. You smirked wickedly, claiming his lips with your own once more. This man was about to be all yours… *** All of you were clearly sworn to silence. Elias was the more dazed of the three of you (Ty seemed none the wiser), and Joel kept throwing you dirty and disgusted looks. You couldn’t care less. You’d done your job, you were entitled to a little fun every once in a while, your assistant didn’t have to be a killjoy. Overall though, you were disappointed in yourself, somewhere along the way – probably when you were dealing with everyone who was actually occupying the panic room – you’d lost your most important possession. You weren’t about to admit that out loud, but you hadn’t been able to find it as you had made your way back downstairs. You vowed you’d get it back, but you’d rather go back with Joel and do a real sweep without the other two around. There was too much going on here – and it was obvious Joel wanted out and away from here as soon as possible. That was fine with you. You dropped Elias and Ty back at the bar, and you were wondering if this time it might really be it. Were you both satisfied now? It scared you that you might not be sure of the answer to that. Joel went to deliver the news and package, and Ty wasn’t one to kick around, leaving you and Elias outside. “Well, now you can get back to that girlfriend of yours.” “Is that really any way to say goodbye?” “I don’t want to get emotionally involved here.” Though your eyes strayed from his face a little too much for Elias to want to believe that. “Does that make everything easier for you?” “Yeah.” You folded your arms, no point in skirting around that. Elias for once looked like he was seeing right through you, “Except there’s one thing that makes you show your cards.” “What?” You narrowed your eyes at him, how dare he stand here acting like he had you all figured out. Elias rummaged in his jacket, and you nearly gasped as he presented you with your mentor’s pistol. “He must have been one hell of a guy.” “He… was.” You took it from him delicately, “You found it.” “It’s important. Right?” “…Thank you.” And there was emotion behind that, you both knew it. “You’re welcome.” Although his hand took yours, thumb running over that tattoo on your wrist, and down to your fingers, Elias was so close to entwining them. He thought better of it, instead twisting the ring so that ‘Veritas’ very clearly faced him – you just about admit to yourself you were disappointed. “My offer is still on the table, you know?” You gave a small smile, “If you ever want to be useful, you have my number.” He chuckled, “Well. I’ll… think on it.” Then added, with a smile, “That’s the truth.” “Don’t think.” You took a step back as Joel called you, walking briskly back to the car. Yes, he certainly wanted out. “I told you, the only thing worth it, is the doing!” ** Amazingly Joel did not go ballistic at you – you thought he was just glad to be out. On top of that he knew you’d seen the looks he was shooting you, and you supposed he thought that said it all. To be honest it probably did, and you would both vow silently to never talk about this again. You pulled your pistol apart to check it, as you always did and, satisfied, you pulled your mentor’s apart too. Pausing as you checked the magazine, sitting in the top was a rolled-up piece of paper. You smiled to yourself, only guessing what it said. You pieced the pistol back together and unravelled it. He’d watched you do this on the journey, so Elias could be certain that you’d check your gun pretty soon after he’d returned it. Spera - Trust. ‘Someone is a show off’. You almost laughed as you read the number before rolling it up again and pocketing it. Truth and Trust seemed almost ironic. And yet also seemed to be completely fitting. You made sure to be safely home, to ensure that Joel wasn’t physically ill. And also to wait a few days, to keep Elias hanging. Which he was, because that man wasn’t like you. You could wait on him to call like it was no big deal – but he would be checking that mobile of his every ten minutes at the very least. Predictably he picked up on the second ring: “Y/N?” “Hey, babe.” You would be directly flirty, you’d tell Elias what he wanted to hear, “I see my number must be saved in that phone of yours, you just never pressed the call button. See, even a busy girl like me can action something.” “I… I’m just glad you did.” You left a significant pause, enough to make him uncomfortable, “Are you asking me to trust you?” “The truth is important to you, isn’t it? Don’t you trust me?” Your voice became quiet, all too aware of the vulnerability of admittance: “I do. It scares me that I do.” You sighed, “But that hardly matters. I told you I like action. So, if I don’t want you to call me unless it’s for you to be useful, I figured that my calling you was only ever about offering you the opportunity to be so…” “How?” Elias’ voice was eager, you could almost see his nails digging into the bar, the tension running through him, a slight dark tint to those blue eyes of his. “You ever been to Boston?” “…No?” “Well, if you get yourself on a flight over… I can give you an address.” “You live in Boston?” “You asked me to trust you.” “I did.” There was relief and understanding in that sentence. “When?” “Whenever you want, babe. I’ll let you know if I get called anywhere though, wouldn’t want you to waste a trip.” “Considerate of you.” “Well, like for like.” You smiled, “Just one more small favour, Elias. An… assurance. Perhaps an insurance policy. Before you do come all the way out to me.” “What’s that?” Really what he was saying was anything. I’ll do anything. “I told you that my mentor died because he fell in love with a target…” “You did.” Then he quickly added, “I won’t… tell anyone!” You shook your head, Elias was jumping ahead of himself. As were you. But you weren’t sure where this was going, and yet you had to be certain. It wasn’t that you thought you were about to fall in love. You might, it wasn’t beyond you. It was that if you were asked to kill him… you weren’t your mentor. You weren’t scared that you’d be unable to pull the trigger, you were scared of the knowledge that you could. “Yes, well. Just don’t do anything to piss anyone off, okay?”

---

Thank you for reading! 😁💙

[spaceskam]

too late to turn back

wheel of crack wednesday on a saturday because days of the week are social constructs

ao3

“Max, he is dangerous.”

“He’s not that dangerous.”

“Dangerous enough!” 

Max rolled his eyes at Isobel’s scolding. There were a lot of things that came to mind whenever he thought about Alex Manes. Dangerous wasn’t one of them.

“I’m honestly kinda proud,” Michael said, grinning as he stabbed a fry into an obscene pile of mayonnaise, “Max Evans, doing something wrong.”

“I’m not doing anything wrong! I’m doing something right,” Max insisted, shifting in his seat as his eyes flickered up to see Alex Manes sitting five tables over. He was sitting alone and completely lost in the book on quantum mechanics. “He has nowhere to go.”

“So you think, wow, let’s hide him in the basement Mom and Isobel won’t find out?” Isobel said, mocking his voice and then scoffing. Max rolled his eyes all over again.

“Please, don’t tell Mom,” Max said. Isobel scoffed.

“Oh, I’m not. Because if I tell her, she’s going to think I’m the one hiding the boy and just blaming it on you,” Isobel said. Max grinned.

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

-

“Are you cold?”

“I’m fine.”

Max watched from the stairs as Alex made himself comfortable. He was sitting on the tiny, back-breaking couch that Max’s dad had bitched about until they got a new one. Alex didn’t seem to mind. His backpack was shoved beneath it for both easy access and easy hiding, and he was simply wearing two jackets and two pairs of pants instead of using a blanket. Too much evidence, he said.

“You’d tell me if you needed anything, right?” Max asked, slowly making his way closer. Alex smirked and looked at him, the strands of hair that had fallen from his haphazard bun making him look all the more daring.

“You know I wouldn’t.”

Max huffed a laugh, “You’re staying in my house, you should know you’re free to ask for anything.”

“I’m staying in your house and you’re feeding me–that’s exactly why I ask for nothing,” Alex pointed out. Max sucked in a slow breath.

Alex had such a way of speaking that was impossible not to listen and absorb each word. He was straight up intoxicating and it had Max confused about a lot of things in life. He recognized the feeling of infatuation, the borderline obsession, the terrifying need to protect. Isobel said it was super strange that he mothered everyone he liked. Was he mothering Alex?

“I brought you some socks,” Max said suddenly when he remembered the pair he’d shoved in his pocket. Alex laughed sweetly and accepted them with painted fingertips.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. Max sat and stared and tried to think of something else to say. He didn’t quite want to leave, but he didn’t know why he wanted to stay.

“So, uh…” Max said dumbly, looking to Alex and his long dark hair and his pretty eyelashes that brushed his high cheekbones every time he blinked. He was gorgeous. “Goodnight, I guess.”

Alex smiled and nodded. “Goodnight.”

Max climbed back up the stairs and made it all the way until he got into his room before he slammed his head into the wall.

-

“Okay, house is empty.”

Alex appeared from the basement door with a grin. His hair was down and stretching just past his shoulders, messy from sleep. Max tried not to stare too long. This was a problem. He couldn’t have a thing for Alex Manes. Of course, he already knew he did and he already put himself in a position where he had to be around him all the time. Oh, how easy it’d be if he didn’t put himself through hell.

“Here’s a towel,” Max said, stiffly handing out a clean towel to Alex. He took it sleepily and nodded.

“Thanks, man.”

Max stood like an actual creep outside the bathroom door. Well, in his defense, it was right off the side of the kitchen. He had limited places to stand. But, still, he stood only a few feet away and listened to the shower turn on and tried to come up with something to say. 

Alex Manes was dangerous. Or, so he’d been told. Alex had been something of a local myth since elementary school. He got into his first fight in third grade, far before most testosterone-filled violence began. He’d slammed another boy’s head into the wall and got suspended for a week. No one really talked to him after that.

Middle school and high school were also filled with fights, progressively more as they got older. Every time someone mentioned a fight, the response would be “who did Alex beat up this time?”. Parents even started a petition to get him completely kicked out of the school. But the problem was he never got suspended enough to warrant expulsion, he never did enough damage either. Well, at least not in school. 

The night before their first day of freshman year, Alex Manes got arrested for allegedly attacking his father. 

The story went that his dad was simply driving and Alex lost it in a rage, grabbing his hair from where he was in the backseat and using it as leverage to repeatedly punch his dad in the face. Apparently, the charges were dropped because Mr. Manes forgave him. The more Max got to know Alex, the more he questioned what actually happened that night. What actually happened during all those fights Alex got into? Because the Alex Max had gotten to know was sweet and thankful. He had manners and was soft and wore Max’s socks even though their feet were different sizes and the toe area flopped around when he walked from the extra space.

That Alex was cute. That Alex was what caught Max’s eye in the first place. He didn’t like danger. He liked the way Alex would lean over to share his math book in class chew on his black-stained nails quieter than should be humanly possible. He liked the way Alex tucked his hair behind his ears and ignored every authority figure that told him to cut his hair.

Max disliked the handprint-shaped bruises he saw on Alex’s arms. He disliked the fact that he found a bag of extra clothes tucked in the back of the library with Alex’s favorite pen inside. He disliked how defensive Alex got whenever he asked if he was sleeping at school. He disliked the confusion on his face whenever he offered him a safe place to rest his head.

And now Max had spent five minutes staring at a bathroom door and wistfully thinking about the boy on the other side, easily another addition on the ‘maybe I’m not heterosexual list’ that he’d been compiling since junior year. How was he supposed to know who he was jealous of whenever he saw Kyle Valenti and Liz Ortecho kiss in the hall? 

“Max, honey, are you in the shower?” 

Max’s eyes went wide as his long thought process was broken by the sound of his mother’s heels against the floor as she came back inside. Without a second thought, he dove inside the bathroom and closed the door softly behind him.

“Yeah!” he called back.

“Is my phone in there?” she asked. Max’s eyes managed to get even wider whenever he spotted the phone on the charger beside Isobel’s straightener. Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“Uh,” he said, “Yeah.”

“I’m gonna come in real quick, I’m gonna be so late for work,” she rambled with a laugh. Max panicked and his world seemed to slow down as the doorknob began to turn. 

And suddenly he was in the shower, ruining his shoes and staring at a naked Alex Manes.

Alex gave a shocked look as Max clamped his hand over his mouth, but his eyebrows soon came down in realization once he heard the sound of Max’s mother on the other side of the shower curtain. 

“I don’t know how I even made it out the door without it,” his mother laughed. Max closed his eyes and prayed she would leave. He only reopened them because he felt Alex smirk against his palm and he got a few of a very wet, very hot male with his head cocked to the side and a raised eyebrow.

Maybe I’m Not Heterosexual Reason #54: THAT.

“I-I don’t know, Mom, aren’t you gonna be late?” he called. Alex wiggled his eyebrows and Max folded his lips in, trying to keep in any type of reaction. He wanted to smile. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to look.

“Oh, I know you don’t want your mom in the bathroom while you’re taking a shower, I get it, you’re all grown now,” she said wistfully and Max wanted to scream. Was this really the time for a childhood story? “It seems like just yesterday that you wanted me to wash your hair every night so you could play with your little rubber duckies.”

“Mom!” he said, feeling his face flush. Alex smiled wildly against his palm.

“Alright, alright! I’ll see you and Izzy at dinner. Be safe, I love you!”

“Love you too.”

He waited until the door closed to drop his hand from Alex’s mouth. 

“Sorry,” Max said. Alex huffed a breath through his nose, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Shit happens,” he answered. Alex turned around to face the stream and Max couldn’t help himself. He stared at the thick, wet hair and watched as it dripped water down his spine and down to the curve of his ass. God, help him.

And then Alex turned back around with a bottle of body wash in his hands and Max had to snap his eyes up to his face once again to pretend like he didn’t see too much.

“Is this your way of telling me to wash your hair?” Alex asked. Max forced an annoyed face to cover his embarrassment and climbed out of the shower, ignoring the squishy noises his shoes made. His face was burning and his mind was racing and he needed to get away from the really hot, really wet man in his shower before he tried something stupid. Alex’s laughter didn’t help.

“Just shower.”

“Wait, the duckies!”

-

Yes. Alex Manes was dangerous.

It was very, very difficult to reconcile how the man who had been laughing and teasing him on the drive to school that morning about rubber ducks was now being dragged out of the bathroom for slamming someone’s head into the sink hard enough to break it. The guy being dragged out behind him was bleeding, but upright and cursing up a storm. Alex was stoic as always.

“Dangerous!” Isobel hissed in his ear. Max shrugged her off and watched as Alex got hauled away. 

The whole thing bothered him for the rest of the day. And here he thought he was going to be plagued with images of his tan skin all day. Instead, it was Alex’s ‘I don’t give a fuck’ face and his bloody fists. 

Still, Max waited in his car for him after school ended. He stayed until all the other cars that didn’t belong to either football players or cheerleaders who were staying after school for practice were gone. Alex never showed his face. When Max tried to text him, he didn’t get a response. He thought about going home to see if he’d shown up there, but he knew better. He knew he didn’t.

Instead, Max checked the library. Then he checked the bathrooms. He checked the janitor’s closets. He checked everywhere until the only place left was behind the bleachers on the football field. Sure enough, Alex was brooding behind them with his stuff he must’ve broken into Max’s house to retrieve.

“What are you doing?” Max asked softly. Alex just tilted his head in his direction, face cold and hard like it was when he got dragged out of the bathroom. Max longed for the sweet version of him and tried really hard to think of a way to get it back. “I waited for you and you never showed. I got worried.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair,” Alex said, a tight smile on his face as he lifted his bag. Max frowned and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What?”

“Look, I know you don’t want me in your house, so I’m leaving so you don’t have to let your pity force you to let me stay,” he said. Max shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the grass. What was he supposed to say? How did he properly word how much he enjoyed his presence without sounding super fucking creepy?

“I… I don’t want you to stay because I pity you. I don’t pity you,” Max said carefully, licking his lips, “I want you to stay because I like you.” Alex stayed silent. “Listen, I don’t know what happened today and I don’t know what happened with your dad or why you don’t have a place to go to, but I want to give you a place. I don’t want anything from you and I’m not doing it to make myself feel better, I just… I don’t know, you’re my friend. Friends help each other out.”

“You consider me your friend?” Alex asked. Max looked at him sheepishly and shrugged.

“I dunno, yeah,” he fumbled. Alex huffed a laugh and shook his head. Max slowly went to sit down. “I’m not scared of you like everyone else is.”

“You probably should be,” Alex said cryptically. Max picked at the grass.

“Well, I’m not.”

They stayed silent for a while. A long while. Long enough that football practice ended and the coach was probably questioning why his car was still parked outside. And if he wasn’t, then Isobel sure as hell was. But he had no intention of leaving unless Alex left with him.

Eventually, Alex spoke.

“He called me a fag,” he admitted. Max looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “And he, like, did a stupid walk that I’m assuming was supposed to be gay and waved his arm around and shit. I told him to fuck off, but he shoved me and told me that I couldn’t talk to him like that. So I smashed his head into the sink.” Alex finished the story with a noncommittal shrug, frowning at the grass as he ripped it up like it personally wronged him.

“Seriously?” Max asked dumbly. Alex huffed and looked up at him.

“What are you surprised about?” he wondered. Max blinked and tried to decide what exactly he wanted to answer with. This one little detail about this one fight seemed to make the previous ones make sense. The first fight started whenever the boys in their class decided gay was the funniest insult. They got worse the more feminine Alex portrayed himself. Or, whatever it was called. Max never thought of the long hair or the painted nails or the jewelry Alex wore as feminine‒he simply saw them as Alex.

“He seriously fucked with you after you have a reputation of beating the shit out of people like him?” Max decided. It was the right answer; Alex smiled.

“Bigots don’t learn their lessons from other people very well,” he said. Max grunted in response, shaking his head.

“Dumbasses. Maybe they all just think they’re stronger than the last one and so they fight you on purpose to see if they can be the winner this time. Alas, you are the strongest padawan,” Max said. Alex’s smile got wider and he laughed, big and genuine, and threw some grass at Max. “I’m just saying!”

“I don’t know, man, I don’t know why they do it. And I know I shouldn’t feed into it by fighting, but I just get so pissed, you know?” Alex said. Max hummed and nodded. He understood sort of. He wasn’t a fighter, but, from what he knew that Alex didn’t tell him, he probably only knew how to be violent whenever his feelings got hurt. Part of Max, the mothering part, wanted to teach him a different way.

“I’m sorry they say that stuff about you,” Max said, “Are you suspended?” 

Alex shrugged one shoulder. “Just one day. I told Mr. Johnson that Joel hit me first and I simply pushed him off and he slipped into the sink. Joel went with it.”

“Why’d he go with it?” Max asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Alex smirked something sinister.

“I don’t know,” he laughed, “But he did.”

They sat there in the grass for a little while longer, talking about nothing. It was easier than the nights he snuck down to the basement. Max didn’t find himself fumbling for words. It was just him and this boy he really, really liked.

“Would it bother you… if they were making fun of me for the truth?” Alex asked well after the sun went down. Max’s phone had gone off multiple times, but he’d ignored it. He would take a week full of yelling if it meant taking this moment with Alex.

“No,” Max answered honestly, “Well, it would bother me that people are fucking with you for something you can’t help.”

Alex let out a long breath and laid back in the grass. Max smiled at him and nudged his thigh with his foot. When Alex's dark eyes flickered up to him, Max gulped and laid beside him. They stared at each other and looked away and looked back and looked away. Max searched his mind for the words to describe it. This feeling. This… not straightness.

He couldn’t find one.

“I like this,” Alex said, turning his head towards the sky that he could see through the bleachers.

“What?” Max asked. His chest was full of something he couldn’t name.

“I don’t know. This, us,” Alex breathed. It was the kind of honesty that Max would choke on. Alex offered it easily. It was mind-numbing.

So, instead of trying to make his mind work, he propped himself up on his elbow. Max looked down at Alex and tried to find his words again. What was this? What did one call this? This all-encompassing thing. Alex Manes and his long hair and his dark eyes and his nice lips and Max’s desire to touch.

And so he did.

Maybe it was stupid, maybe it was primal, maybe Alex would kill him once he was done, but he reached out and touched his thumb to those lips anyways. Alex turned to him, eyes wide with a different type of shock than usual and then Max watched as it clicked.

Slowly, Alex lifted onto his elbow as well. Max held his breath as Alex’s tongue reached for his thumb. Then he wasn’t holding his breath. He just couldn’t fucking breathe.

Alex moved closer, eyes flickering from Max’s to his lips and then back. He was breathing. At least one of them was. So Max leaned in entirely and tried to remember what breathing felt like.

Kissing Alex Manes was not what he expected. He’d expected it to be rough, dangerous, quick. He didn’t expect it to be so slow. Alex dragged out each agonizing second, single-handedly putting Max’s heart in his throat with the sweet taste of his tongue.

Alex Manes kissed with purpose. It felt like he’d been planning this and had full intention to make it worth the wait. And it so, so fucking was.

“Wait,” Alex said after a few minutes of painfully slow kisses, gently pulling away. Max followed in a desperate attempt to make it last but settled for falling helplessly onto Alex’s chest as he laid back down.

Fuck.

Alex let out a breathy little laugh and patted his shoulder, gently rubbing his back which made it a million times harder for Max to get his mind straight. How was he ever supposed to think about anything ever again after that? 

“Why’d you stop?” Max asked after he managed to keep his mind back down to earth just enough to question why the hell that stopped. He wanted that over and over and over. He didn’t want it all.

“You are one of the most painfully heterosexual people I’ve ever met in my life, Max Evans,” Alex told him, “I’m not sure why you just kissed me, but I have a feeling you’ll regret it once you’re in a better state of mind. I don’t want you regretting anything.”

Max furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his head to look up at Alex. He thought Max was straight. Granted, he didn’t have any outwardly gay or even bisexual things about him. Of all the billions of stereotypes they had for queer people, Max didn’t fit any of them.

He just fit the one box that was the only real requirement.

“I’m into you,” Max said, “I don’t… I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I’m gay or bisexual or pansexual or… I don’t know, none of them feel right to me. All I know is that I’m into you and I’ve… been interested in other guys before. Just… no one real, I guess. I sound stupid.”

“No,” Alex said quickly, the softest, sweetest smile on his face that Max had ever seen. He felt blessed that it was for him. “No, you don’t sound stupid. You sound exactly right.”

Max swallowed harshly and kept staring until Alex moved in and kissed him again. Long fingers went into his hair and Max settled into Alex’s side. And they kissed. And kissed. And kissed. 

“Let’s go home.”

-

”Fuck me.”

Max grinned helplessly as he looked up to Alex. He had pinched himself twice trying to wake up from this insane dream, but it never worked and he was still on his knees in front of Alex Manes. They had made it up to his bedroom where Alex was bracing himself against his dresser. 

Technically, Max was grounded for not telling anyone where he disappeared to for hours and then ignoring everyone and then, when he finally did get home, refused to say where he was. He couldn’t exactly say he’d been making out with the delinquent that he was hiding in the basement, so he said nothing and took the disappointed look from his mother.

“You are way too good at that for a guy who claims to have no prior experience,” Alex breathed. Max smiled even wider and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stood back on his feet and tried not to think too much about the way Alex looked up at him with his flushed cheeks. 

“I don’t, but you’re a really good motivator to get good at it,” Max said and tried not to sound so fucking childish. He couldn’t help it. He’d never done anything with anyone of any gender past kissing until he’d gotten with Alex a week ago. He found it hard to control himself.

“Shut up,” Alex laughed, hand reaching up to pull him down for a kiss. Max took a deep breath as their lips pressed together. It was still too good. “Hey, can I ask a question?”

“Anything,” Max breathed. Alex snorted and scratched behind his ear like Max was a dog. And perhaps he was because he loved it.

“How much longer until I need to be out of the basement?” Alex asked. That very quickly sobered Max up and he pulled away with furrowed eyebrows.

“What do you mean? Why would you need to go?” he wondered. Alex gave him a smile that said he was naive. 

“We both know the longer I stay, the more likely it is that we’re going to get caught. You know damn well that your mom won’t let us see each other if she finds out you’ve been sneaking me in,” Alex said. Max grunted unhappily and let his forehead fall onto Alex’s.

“I don’t want you to go,” he whined. Alex smiled softly and combed through his hair.

“I know, but we’re running on borrowed time.”

“Where would you go? If you stopped staying here, where are you gonna stay?” Max asked, fingers gripping at Alex’s sides. Alex shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out.”

“No, I am gonna worry about it. I don’t want you sleeping on a bench or some shit. I want you to be safe,” Max said. Alex didn’t answer. They stared at each other for a moment and then Max decided to ask something he knew he shouldn’t. “Could… Could you maybe go home?”

Alex took a whole step away and shook his head. “Not an option.”

“Why?” Max asked. He knew he was stepping into uncharted territory, but he didn’t want to lose Alex. He’d just gotten a taste of something good. “I mean, maybe you could talk it out with your dad or something. I’m sure he wants you back home.”

Alex was staring at him with that hardened face, the one that was never used on Max. It made him feel small. He looked down towards the floor.

“Not. An. Option.” 

“I’m sorry,” Max murmured, “I just…”

They were silent for another beat until Alex moved back into his space and placed a hand on his cheek. They locked eyes and Max wanted even more for them to work it out somehow.

“My dad isn’t the type of guy to talk it out with, okay?” Alex said, “I’ll figure it out.”

Reluctantly, Max nodded.

“Okay.”

-

Isobel mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ over her mother’s shoulder. They were caught.

Anne Evans stood with her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised, Alex’s extra back just dumped unceremoniously at her feet. Max looked over to Alex who had his hardened face on. Thankfully, they hadn’t been kissing whenever they came into the room. That would’ve added an extra layer of shit. 

“Care to explain?” she said cooly. Max grimaced and closed his eyes.

Except then he realized that he couldn’t do that. He genuinely had explaining to do. Maybe, just maybe, he could convince his mom to let Alex stay.

“He has nowhere to go,” Max started, doing his best puppy eyes, “I was doing a good thing, giving him a place to stay, right? Like, you wouldn’t just let a seventeen-year-old be on the street.” Max looked over to Alex and tried to make sure that he wasn’t offending him. There wasn’t really a good, clean way to do this.

“And you didn’t think to ask me?” Anne demanded. Max bowed his head. He really hadn’t. He just assumed the answer was no. “Maybe if you would’ve asked we could’ve figured it out. But instead, you acted like there was something to hide, which makes me think that there is. This is unlike you. You’ve always asked me first, but now you’re being secretive and hiding people in my house without asking. I cannot begin to articulate the absolute disrespect you showed me, Max. I didn’t expect this from you.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Evans, this is my fault,” Alex jumped in, “I didn’t have to stay here, but I did. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Anne said. Max’s eyes widened and he instinctively looked to Alex.

“No!” Alex gave him a look that said 'not now’, but this wasn’t okay. “You have nowhere to stay, Alex!”

“It’s okay,” Alex said, turning to his mother once more, “I’m sorry.”

Alex left swiftly and then it was just Anne Evans and her two children. Isobel was looking awkward and out of place which was uncharacteristic and Max was glaring at his mother which was equally as uncharacteristic.

“I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that. I know boys like him, don’t think I don’t. I don’t want that kind of person in my house,” Anne said. Max scoffed, rage boiling in him. She didn’t know anything.

“Alex isn’t like whatever you’re thinking. He’s nice and smart and he doesn’t do anything bad. He really just doesn’t have a place to go home to and it’s not fair that he’s being punished for it!” Max argued. Anne sighed slowly and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“If he was really nice and smart, he would’ve asked for permission to stay under my room.”

“He doesn’t know how to ask for things like that! He assumes the answer is no!” Max spat, shaking his head, “I thought you of all people would be more sympathetic to him.”

His mother gave him a look that looked like Isobel and it became that much more difficult to see that they weren’t actually related. But Max felt it more than ever.

“Why in the world would you think that I would let a boy with violent tendencies into my house?” Anne asked. Max scoffed.

“Because you took in me and Isobel whenever you had no idea what we were capable of,” Max said. That seemed to shut her up. “Guess I was wrong.”

Max stalked up to his room and was already typing a text to Alex.

-

It took three days before Max finally figured out what ended up happening to Alex. He’d been rudely left in the dark from all sides whenever his mom grounded him and no one had been answering his texts. He wasn’t sure if he was just being ignored or if his service had been turned off.

Turns out, people were just figuring out all the gritty details before telling him.

“So you’re staying with Michael?” Max asked, eyebrows furrowed as looked at Alex. He was allowed to come over, they just weren’t allowed upstairs or in the basement. He had a feeling his mother knew it was more than they were letting on and she just wasn’t going to force him to say it. She would just treat it like he already had. He couldn’t say it was the worst-case scenario.

“Yeah,” Alex said with a soft laugh, “Turns out two people from fucked up families get along well.”

“I don’t even understand,” Max said, rubbing his head that seemed to ache with his confusion. Alex smiled at him and gave a small laugh.

“Well, your mom basically tracked me down that night and told me to get in her car. I thought she was gonna kill me, not gonna lie,” Alex admitted, “But she brought me out to Foster’s Ranch. I can live with them as long as I work on the ranch. It’s not so bad; Michael’s a good teacher. Besides, I think it’ll be good for me to get some of my aggression out by doing manual labor.”

Max licked his lips and nodded slowly. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Michael and Alex spending so much alone time together on acres of land, but he couldn’t say anything. Alex had a safe place to stay. That was worth whatever the future might bring.

“And we can still see each other,” Max said. Alex nodded.

“And we can still see each other.”

They stared for a moment before Max looked around the room quickly and then leaned in for a kiss. Alex kept it short, but still accepted it willingly. 

“Thank you,” Alex whispered, “For caring about me.”

Max didn’t know how to explain that Alex didn’t know the half of it. So, instead, he took his hand in his own and tried to think of the positives. Alex was going to be okay. He was going to be okay.

“No problem.”

[maplesssugar]

Yesterday my friend wanted to go to our old high school (we graduated last year) and one of my teachers was walking out. I called him by his first name and my friend was like, "Who's Kyle?"

I said, "Mr. Eaton; my last math teacher."

Then my one of my other math teachers walked out of school and headed away from our car. I couldn't think of his first name and I was kinda upset about it. My friend and I talked for a little while longer and his window was down. I was ready to leave so I looked up and saw Mr. Patey (the second math teacher) was walking towards my car and clearly didn't see me. Mr. Patey's surprise appearance after walking the other way scared me so much that I just shouted, "Nicholas," which is his first name.

I'm so glad he didn't hear me but we left soon after that.

[rapperkookz]

Rush!BTΣ — college!au, borderline crack au w/ @cynoirsure

a story about three friends and their obstacles of relationships, academic probation, and figuring out that international kids aren’t all that bad.

10/35

genre: crack

word count: 1.5k

—————

YOUR POV

Ever since the last WINGS rehearsal, it was an understatement to say a lot had happened. Following what happened last week with you and Jimin, today was the first time you were out and about for a purpose that wasn’t just eating at the dining hall or going to class. You weren’t feeling the best about yourself but once you walked into the dance studio and saw everyone’s face light up at your appearance, you felt at ease.

“y/n!” Hoseok tackled you in a hug, squeezing you tightly. You laughed, hugging him back with a smile. “How are you feeling? This week was kind of a toll on you, yeah?” Hoseok’s voice didn’t seem to have an underlying tone of anything else like it usually did, so you felt easier around him today. You nodded, pulling away a bit.

“Yeah, it’s been a little rough, but I thought I shouldn’t skip rehearsal because I might miss a lot and you guys make me feel better.” Jimin’s face lit up at this comment, a smile that made his eyes disappear.

“We’re gonna start off with an old routine, yeah? You can chill with Kev and Tae for now, I think 2Jin are gonna come a little later, maybe with Joon?” Hoseok pursed his lips, guiding you to where Kevin and Taehyung were sitting. Kevin was on his phone, but nonetheless opened his arms up so he could hug you from behind. Kevin’s arms rested around your shoulders, swaying you along as the trio (3J, they called themselves) started running over some bits that were kind of muddy to themselves. You could barely concentrate on Hoseok and Jimin dancing -- your eyes were focused on how your coconut headed stats partner was in the middle for the first song, his usual bunny smile replaced by a brooding look that could make anyone weak to their knees.

You only snapped out of your trance when you saw a figure open the door and announce she brought some snacks for everyone, but even if your head registered the voice as Jinhee’s, she did not look like Jinhee anymore.

No, instead of the silver it was yesterday when you saw her in the dining hall, her hair was now a bright pink-purple, making almost everyone in the room confused.

“Did you like...give head to a unicorn, what made you dye your hair?” Taehyung asked in awe as you and Kevin gave it a casual lookover and a thumbs up, being used to her random dyeing sprees by now.

“So she’ll give a unicorn head and not me? Boo.” Jimin pouted at Jinhee, who didn’t seem to pay the comment any attention.

“I was just bored of my hair. After my shift last night I just bleached and dyed my hair because I mean, not like I was gonna sleep or anything.” She shrugged, leaving the snack bag and her backpack next to you and Kevin before toeing off her shoes and shrugging off her coat. “I think Seokjin’s coming soon, Joon can’t because he has a meeting with the dean or something.” She plopped herself down, opening the swirl ice cream and casually eating it. You opted for the hot chips in the bag, sharing with Kevin as the three standing started to get into formation. You didn’t even realize Taehyung had gone to do their music until he was running back, the intro of Don’t Wanna Fall In Love by Kyle started playing on the speaker.

You found it really surprising how well the three of them worked together despite their differences in dance style. You noticed that even if Jimin’s dance style lagged a little, it was more sensual and very contrasting to how sharp Jungkook’s movement was.

Speaking of Jungkook, it was hard to make other observations of the others dancing when all you could do was focus on Jungkook. Something about the way he looked really got you in a trance, the way he looked up from his bangs threatening to spill over his eyes, but also the duality when he wasn’t dancing anymore and he gave you the cute little bunny smile that you were used to.

“Jimin! Your dancing was so fluid!” Jinhee seemed to have stars in her eyes when she ran up to Jimin, who only smirked back at her, tilting her chin up maintain eye contact with her.

“Who’s this Jimin, hm? You should follow y/n’s lead and call me oppa.” He swiped his thumb across her lips with a wink, making her tense up and shiver.

“W-what are you talking about?? You’re barely 5 days older than me shut up!” Her face was red as she stomped back to the side, you and Kevin laughing your asses off at how quickly Jinhee had deflected the baffled Jimin. While the two of you were laughing incredibly hard, the door opened once more, and everyone’s attention turned to who had just walked in.

“What’s up with both of the music majors and consistently dyeing their hair?” Jimin furrowed his brows, pointing at Yoongi’s newly dyed mint hair. Once Jinhee and Yoongi met eyes, they almost seemed to have a comedic Spiderman meme moment, pointing at each other confusedly.

“It’s called the depression, Jimin, get on board with it.” Yoongi pursed his lips, sitting closer to Taehyung and Kevin rather than you and Jinhee. Seokjin made a face at Yoongi, before looking at the other musician before snorting.

“Oh cute, they’re grapes” Seokjin laughed at his own observation, taking off his shoes before walking across the marley to meet the ones sitting out. Hoseok had called the rest of WINGS onto the dance floor, beginning to work on new choreography with them. You began to get back into the flow of dancing again, the rest of the group falling back into the routine. Hoseok was busy teaching the choreography to everyone, and occasionally while you guys danced, Seokjin and Jinhee hyped you guys along, some AYY GO OFF Y/N! or OKAAAAAAAYYYYY TAEHYUNG HIT IT! coming from the two in the corner. Yoongi looked like he was losing brain cells by being around them, but the smile on his face really said otherwise.

You felt all the stress from the last week dissipate as you danced more, the emotions rolling off of you as well. By the end of rehearsal, you felt way better than how you felt when you walked in. As everyone was getting ready to leave, you gave everyone hugs, thanking them for the hard work.

“Want to walk back to the dorm together, y/n? It’s kinda late and I wanna just run over what we need to know for our stats quiz tomorrow…” Jungkook smiled sheepishly, scratching his head. You nodded, getting your coat on and waving goodbye to everyone else in the dance room.

“Well, I guess we’re up next, yeah?” Hoseok and Seokjin waved to the five left in the room. Seokjin blowing a kiss to Jinhee (who only took it and threw it on the ground, stomping it), and Hoseok just did his signature smile, leaving with his flatmate. Kevin and Taehyung were already talking about their shared Introduction to Neuroscience course, waiting near the door for the other three to be ready so they could do one last check of the room before leaving.

“Let’s drop Jinhee off first, you’re along the way, right?” Taehyung inquired, Jinhee nodding as she tied her laces so that they could leave. Kevin helped her back up from her squat, a small thank you escaping as they all went to put on their coats.

The walk home was relatively quiet for everyone, mainly because they were walking faster than normal through the cold of campus to get to the dorms. Taehyung and Kevin were in a heated discussion about one person in their class who they both just wanted to sock in their class, Jimin and Yoongi were talking about his cat, Killmonger, and Jinhee was trailing behind them, spacing out.

A block away from Jinhee’s dorm (across the street from the other four), Jimin had noticed that Jinhee had been a lot more quiet than usual, making him stop and let her catch up to him and Yoongi. He tilted his head sideways, making her conscious of him looking of her. Her face turned red, she looked away before peeking back at Jimin to see if he ever broke eye contact with her. Jimin chuckled a little, sliding his hand into hers, the two of them forgetting Yoongi being there.

“You okay Jinhee?” Jimin squeezed her hand gently, Jinhee nodding before letting out a yawn.

“I’m just a little tired, is all. I have the night off tonight so hopefully I can sleep tonight.” Jinhee pulled out her ID, since they were stopped in front of her dorm. She squeezed Jimin’s hand back, bidding everyone a goodnight, and additionally, a small apologetic smile to Yoongi, who’s face only flushed at her small gesture. The only person who had caught that besides the two of them was Jimin, and that only made him grin mischievously. Him flirting with Jinhee just got a lot more… interesting, to say in the least.

2-18-19

[homosociallyyours]

hello good evening

i have been watching the real housewives of beverly hills for the past few weeks and i’ve just gotten into season 6. i’ve been sending chats to @jlf23tumble most nights to spill my feels about it, but my feelings have officially become too large to be held in a single chat. and so here, behind a cut, is me talking about things. in particular, yolanda hadid, lyme disease, and other things unique to RHOBH

ok so i mentioned maybe yesterday in a brief text post that i was shocked to find myself loving yolanda hadid when i truly went in expecting to find her as awful as i find 90% of the housewives, maybe more so. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE when she turned out to be shockingly down-to-earth and chill. in her first season i could imagine her shopping at the store i work at, maybe coming in to buy a particular Dutch cheese that reminded her of home or talking about the newest vegan options we carry. 

then in her second season she started getting sick, and so much of what she was going through hit home for me: the brain fog, the fatigue, the hope of a good day where your energy has returned. she spent her third season getting her life back in order somewhat, still having rough days but pushing through and doing more. 

i’m in her fourth (and last) season, where the lyme has gotten really bad. i started sobbing while watching when she talked about not remembering what it’s like to be well. sometimes i think back on the things i used to love doing like they’re some kind of fading dream. did i really enjoy hiking in the hills or taking my dog to the beach? was it someone else who would sleep 3 hours, work 9 or 10, and then still manage to go out two-stepping? 

when she laid on her couch with tears welling up just saying that it’s a struggle to keep going and that she wants her body to work like it used to, i felt that sense of recognition and relief. it’s not that i have a lot of people telling me i’m faking. i’m really lucky to have a lot of folks who believe me. but there is a voice in my head saying i’ve made all this up and it’s not real and to stop being lazy, and when i heard her talking it helped stuff a fucking sock in the voice’s mouth for a minute. 

what’s wild is this woman started out on the show as a self-proclaimed “dutch martha stewart” who was running up and down the steps of her house with baskets of lemons, working out and dieting non-stop, throwing amazing parties that she organized every detail of and traveling around a bunch. watching the series in such massive gulps (it takes me 3-5 days to finish a season) means that her decline happened in a time lapse, almost. 

and i’m seeing the reactions of all the people who didn’t experience it like that and who have maybe never known a chronically ill person in their lives. when she shows up to a birthday party with no makeup on, everyone at the table questions it after she leaves abruptly. “why would any woman choose not to wear makeup?” “if she felt so bad, why did she bother coming?” “i know i said she looked good but she didn’t.” 

i can’t speak for her, but i’ve stopped wearing makeup because it takes thought and energy that i don’t have, especially if i’m going to leave the house. i also hate looking at myself now most of the time, because all i see is half a fucking person-- a shadow with no life and no energy. i sometimes force myself to go to things when i know they’ll wreck me because not leaving the house is depressing af. i want to be a person again, and goddamn it i will throw every spoon i have at 30 minutes of quality time feeling like myself, even if i know it means i’ll be lying in bed the whole next day. 

and i actually hate hearing that i look good or cute because it feels like such a lie, but i do accept those compliments at face value because i know at the very least that i’m a good actor? like i tricked you into thinking i was a human and not some sad fatigue lump who gets winded from washing my fucking dishes. 

AND THEN-- (yeah we’re back to the RHOBH talk) --we have a plot about everyone secretly doubting her illness. talking about what it could or couldn’t be. as if they’ve been in the fucking room and looked at every test result and laid in bed hoping the next appointment would bring relief. i have generally liked lisa rinna because she’s pretty camp, but she’s the one leading the charge and now i wanna throw a shoe (or a prosthetic leg) at her. 

throughout all of this, i’ve started to really love yolanda. she’s honest and vulnerable and so generous with and protective of her friends. and i know i could get blacklisted for this, but her kids are all better people than every child i’ve watched on a real housewives franchise put together. like. they’re weird and loving and kind and respectful and not spoiled, and i am pretty sure it comes down to having a parent who’s modeling that behavior. 

i was joking with bander earlier about making a reality franchise called “the real spoonies of _city_” where you just follow several chronically ill people through their daily lives. and she laughed bc it would look like completely separate individuals just texting each other and not going out. And It Would! but i think maybe i’d still want to watch it? i wouldn’t mind seeing how other people have figured out their lives (i’m terrible at it and feel a lot like my body is an alien i can’t communicate with) and i’d enjoy seeing people sorting their pills and cooking their quick meals and doing restorative yoga and shit like that. 

instead i watch the housewives because they’re silly and dramatic and they go to fancy lunches or dinners and they take nice trips and go shopping and it’s weird. who lives like that? they do, i guess! 

i don’t wanna only talk about being sick and yolanda, though, so if you’re still reading and care, here’s my hot takes so far:  -lisa v has an atypical relationship with sex which she covers with odd sex jokes. i kinda think she might be on the ace spectrum, maybe?  -kyle and kim break my heart BUT ALSO they had a fight that reminded me of the last time i went home and my sister fucking lost her mind at me for rolling my eyes when she tried to dis the ACA and socialized medicine.  -brandi has some deep psychological trauma and her bisexual ass should consider dating a woman. i think that plus therapy might be good?  -lisa r and eileen have houses that are massive but so full of things that they feel realllly un-fancy compared with every other house i’ve seen on rhony or rhobh! whenever there’s a scene in one of their houses i feel like moving things so i can see them better 

also i know bethenny is gonna make a tiny appearance on this season and i’m so juiced you don’t even understand. bethenny is my girl, ok? i love her. and it’s gonna be weird af seeing her with the beverly hills ppl because they’re SO DIFFERENT. 

one day i’ll do a study of all the RH franchises and separate them out by vibe. maybe make one of those posts that list the aesthetics? like--

rhony: martinis, black manolos, espresso in the afternoon, cashmere sweaters that cost more than a month’s rent, cinnamon candies, red roses

rhobh: bright louboutins, margaritas and frose, high tea, beachy long dresses, pure white roses, pink champagne toasts at brunch, candied grapefruit peels

right? yeah. 

[wavemaker9]

avi asked for char heights yesterday so real quick before bed

Audrey and Kylee were 5'9, i found a note on it that vaguely alluded to that height being used and immediately that felt like it clicked. the note also mentioned that audrey usually looks taller than kylee because audrey wears heels because business attire. a site said that australians usually wear higher heels than global average, but canberrans wear the lower side of the country (reminder, i tend to picture austin/audrey from canberra area and kyle/kylee from sydney area, unless related in which case i’ll pick depending on context or just say the two parts of the family lived that far apart while still in australia). 

i think for fancy occasions, she'll go for a 3 inch. for every day stuff, 2 is more likely with the occasional 3 if she wants to seem taller to appear more intimidating. for job shit, more likely to wear flats, or wide kitten heels and then change to flats right before/after the job. kylee actually also seems taller than her actual height a lot of the time because she'll wear a lot of boots with a thick soul that add a little height from there, but the same is probably true for kyle and maybe even austin/toni depending on the vague heels the dress shoes they wear have, so. For toni, i checked to see if he had an official height from teh series to base off of and i'm not seeing anything so sky’s teh limit. average height for spanish men ages 18-34 is between 5'9" and 5'10", so probably around that height. i kinda wanna lean towards 5'10" because that keeps 5'9" from being too crowded. 5'9.5" might also work but i'll probaby round to 5'10" for ease. average height for spanish women between those ages is 5'5.5", so i'd probably just round up to 5'6" for carmen. I think she leans for the higher heels unless, again, doing something that's for a job, usually seen in 3 or even 4 inch heels. it's about fashion and making a statement, y'know. if she needs to wear flats, she'll wear those ones that have like a wide flat heel on the back, like one that's only an inch or so if that. practically never wears full flats. but usually she can run and fight surprisingly well even in heels and she's also not afraid to just take her shoes off midfight or whatever if that were needed as well. so, only noting heel differences higher than an inch

Kyle - 5'11" Austin - 5'11" Toni - 5'10" Kylee - 5'9" Audrey - 5'9", though shoes can make her look up to 6', 5'11" average Carmen - 5'6", though shoes can make her look up to 5'10", 5'9"/5'10" average

also bonus, i think i said doug was 6'. summer's i /think/ 5'10". my first instinct was to make her taller than kyle, then to make her the same height, but i liked her being that inch shorter but still a menacing force for him sometimes. also of course friendly reminder nationverse summer can change her appearance however she wants so while she tends to be 5'10" around kyle, she probably lets herself be a little shorter around toni though sometimes leans to same height or higher as a show of force when she thinks he's not respecting her properly, and also definitely makes herself suddenly Very Tall the one time ivan comes out to talk to her alone.

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Custody - fic

Characters: Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne, Talia al Ghul, Selina Kyle Summary: It was a custody battle, in its simplest form. But this was Batman. This was the Daughter of the Demon. Nothing was ever simple. A/N: based hella roughly on the current shenanigans of Batman 33 and 34. This is also terrible and convoluted but I was really bummed out yesterday/recently so just wanted some Dad Dick feels. Sorry y’all

~~

It was a custody battle, in its simplest form.

But this was Batman. This was the Daughter of the Demon. Nothing was ever simple.

It was like a strange sort of gladiator fight. Dick and Damian watching from a cliff edge above. Talia on one side of a clearing in the middle of the desert, Bruce on the other, with Selina standing behind him in support.

And every reason had already been thrown out by both sides.

I’m his real mother, she’s not. She’s a lowlife criminal. I allowed him to stay with you, not her. I don’t trust her, and my son is my most precious possession.

I just came to let you know. Nothing will change. I’m not asking your permission. I’m not here to give him back to you. I’m here to warn you now – you will not come get him because of this, and you will not try to interfere in this relationship. You will not threaten Selina’s life. I’m here to get your promise.

This had been going for hours. Damian, for all his bravado and concern and haughtiness, had dozed at least once. Slumped into Dick’s side for just a few minutes, before restraightening with a jerk. Dick didn’t say anything about it, just allowed him to do so. Kid deserved it after all. He was exhausted, and stressed.

“He will not be raised by some harlot.” Talia said for what felt like the millionth time, still as cool and calm as the first time, though Dick could sense the anger was starting to rise. “While I respect Ms. Kyle’s skills, and even her commitment to you, my son is not hers. He will never be hers.”

“For the last time, Talia, I never said he would be.” Bruce droned. He’d lost his patience ages ago. Hands balled into fists, teeth grinding together. Selina hadn’t moved, but Dick noted she had removed her whip from her holster at some point. “I only came here as a courtesy to tell you that yes, Selina and I are marrying. And yes, Selina and Damian will be living in the same home.”

“I don’t want him in her care.” Talia said bluntly. “And if that’s where he’ll be, then I demand you return him to me.”

“No. Never.” Bruce hissed, stepping forward. Dick immediately put a hand on Damian’s shoulder, pulled him into his side. “I will never give him back to you and your monster of a father.”

“Because you’re any better?” Talia snapped back. “My son has spent more time travelling the world alone than with you. You missed his birthday. You didn’t want him in the first place.”

“None of that is true and you know it, Talia.” Bruce growled. “I’m not perfect, I never said I was. Hell, talk to my other children, and they’ll probably agree with your assessment about me and themselves.” Selina reached out, put a hand on Bruce’s forearm. He relaxed, but only slightly. “I’ve always wanted him. I always will. But I’m not here to argue that. I’m here to just tell you. Selina and I are getting married. Do not try to sabotage. And do not try to punish Damian for this.”

“Punishment.” Talia snorted. “Like I said, Damian is rarely with you. He’s with that ridiculous team, or one of his so-called brothers more often than you.” She paused and tilted her head. Crossed her arms. “But yes, you’re right. You came here to tell me. But not for Damian’s sake. Merely because you wanted to gloat.”

“Talia-”

“You came here to rub it in my face that as much as I still adore you, you’ve chosen to bed another. That try as I might, you’ve stolen my son from me and I’ll never get him back. In fact, you’re just here to tell me you’re giving him to another.” Talia shook her head. “No. None of that is not happening. I may have lost you, Beloved, but I will not let my son be taken too. Now you’ve made your choice. You’ve chosen your Catwoman over my son. So return him to me, or face the consequences. You, your betrothed and your allies.”

And something was fraying in Dick’s soul. Hours, it was hours of this back and forth. And he realized: it was never going to stop. It was never going to be resolved. Bruce and Talia would stand here until their last breath arguing in circles about nothing if they could.

“Don’t you dare.” Bruce roared. “Talia, don’t you dare-”

“Return my son to me.” Talia countered, just as relaxed in her voice, though Dick could see her nails digging into her own arms. “Or else.”

“Never.” Bruce repeated, stepping forward. Selina tried to drag him back, but it appeared to be failing. “I will never give him back to you. Over my dead bod-”

And Dick didn’t realize he was speaking until he heard the words come out of his mouth.

“Then give him to me.”

Instantly, all eyes were on him. Selina, Bruce, Talia.

Damian.

“Grayson, don’t.” Damian whispered immediately, even as Dick kept his hand protectively on his shoulder. “Don’t get involved. This is. This is my fight. Their fight. Don’t try to inter-”

“Dick?” Bruce called. It wasn’t in surprise – no doubt all the parties involved knew Dick and Damian were there from the get-go. Just a question, with perhaps a little confusion at the statement.

“If you two can’t agree on some sort of custody, then I’ll take him.” Dick said simply. “That way, he’s not back in harm’s way with the al Ghuls, and he’s not in the same house nor being cared for by Selina.”

And immediately, both parents started.

“Absolutely not.”

“Dick, this isn’t your fight. Stay out of it.”

“Oh cut the crap, both of you.” Dick drawled, tightened his grip on the younger. “He’s my brother – of course it’s my fight. Of course I’m going to get involved in his safety. And Talia, you left him in my care before, so any reason why I couldn’t or shouldn’t take him now would be an absolute lie, and you and I both know it.”

And for once since this whole mess started, both parents were silent. Selina smirked.

“Now, this is ridiculous.” Dick scolded. “What kind of example are either of you setting for him?”

“Watch your tongue, circus boy.” Talia warned.

“No, you watch yours, Talia.” Dick shot back in annoyance. “Now I’m sick of you two fighting about this. I’ve been sick of it since even before I stood here listening to you two for the last four hours.”

Bruce at least had the humility to look down. Talia continued to stare up at them.

“You two ever think about asking Damian what he wanted? He may be thirteen, but he can at least make that decision.” Dick tilted his head. “Actually – you’ve both let him make that choice himself before. So what gives now? Were you just bored?”

“It’s for his safety-”

“His care and upbringing is paramount to me-”

“Yeah, I don’t care. In fact, I’m done talking to you both.” Dick spun away, and crouched in front of Damian. Damian, whose eyes were wide and shocked and scared – though for Dick, not himself or even his father at this point. “What do you want to do, Damian?”

“Are you an idiot?” Damian hissed instead. “Mother will kill you for this. Father will…will ground you forever or something-”

“Yeah, they can do what they want.” Dick shrugged. “Now, do you want to stay with your dad in Gotham, even with Selina moving into the manor, or do you want to go back and stay with Talia for a while?”

Damian’s eyes slowly went over his shoulder, and he glanced between his parents.

“Or, do you want to come live with me in Blud, like old times?” Dick asked. Damian’s eyes jerked back down to him. “Or do you want to do none of those things? Travel the world like you’ve been doing? Stay with the Titans in San Francisco? Live with Kents in Metropolis? Like I said, you’re allowed to have your own voice in this.”

Damian stared at him for a moment, then bit his lip. Voices started up below them again. Quieter now, probably just Selina and Bruce.

“With you.” Damian whispered, quietly, like he wasn’t actually allowed to speak. “I think…I think I want to come stay with you for a while, if that’s alright.”

“Of course it’s alright, kiddo.” Dick winked, shifting to stand, and turn back to their audience. But Damian grabbed his arm.

“Grayson, wait.” He murmured urgently. “Mother – she’s going to kill him. She’s going to try to kill Father and his betrothed, we can’t- We can’t just leave them here.”

“Nah, she won’t.” Dick waved off, turning back. “Will you, Talia?”

“Hm?”

“You and Bruce have a lot to talk about right now, I get that. But Damian is no longer one of those things, as he’s coming with me.” Dick explained, obviously leaving no room for argument, from any party. “Now, promise me, that after we leave, there aren’t going to be any attempts on anyone’s life, got it? So sorry, Talia, but no trying to kill Bruce or Selina, or we’re going to have real issues, and you’re definitely never seeing your son again.”

Talia pursed her lips – and suddenly Dick could see where Damian got his patented pout from.

“And same goes for you, Selina.” Dick looked over. “As you can tell, this is all already tense enough. So please don’t try to kill Talia or any of her cronies either. Or I’m not going to be able to let you marry my dad.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, dear.” Selina almost purred, no pun intended.

“And Bruce, you’re an idiot for provoking Talia in the first place when you really had no need to, but you do you.” Dick finished. “Just play nice, okay? Or you’re not getting your son back either.”

Bruce grunted.

“Great. Glad we all agree.” Dick turned, and spun Damian around, pushing him towards the exit. “Play nice, kids. One of you call me when you’re done so I know whether World War Three is about to start or not.”

And he waited until they got to the proper exit. Until Damian was already halfway down the stone stairs, before turning coldly back. Stared first at Talia, and then Bruce.

“And next time? Think about the toll this kinda of crap takes on your son before either of you pretend you’re doing it because you care about him.” He sneered. Didn’t wait for a reaction from either. Just turned back after Damian with a quick: “Make sure they don’t kill each other, Selina.”

He heard her laugh as he jogged down the stairs, to where Damian was waiting.

“…Grayson?”

“Yeah, bud.” Dick hummed, throwing a gentle arm around Damian’s shoulders and leading him forward.

Damian paused, then leaned into his side. “…Thank you.”

“Least I could do.” Dick returned. “I know how it gets with those two. I know how much it upsets you.”

“Mhm.” Damian admitted. “…Grayson?”

“Yeah, Damian.”

“You’re still a complete and utter idiot, for what you just pulled.”

Dick laughed, loud and annoying. Reached up to ruffle Damian’s hair, and kept his hand there even after. “Love you too, kiddo.”

[chocomintdrops]

After 84 years I finally finish chapter 4

Chapter four: Craig and those guys

The boys walk straight to Craig’s place hoping for answers. When they finally get in there they knock the door and Craig answer it.

Craig with his usual bored expression: What you guys want?

Kyle: Cartman and Kenny are dating.

Craig: I don’t care.

Stan: Man, this is serious. What we do?

Craig: Hummm…I still don’t care.

Kyle: You gonna serious not help us?

Craig annoyed: What you wanna me to do?

Stan: I don’t know you are the only gay guy we know, ( he look at Kyle)  well still yesterday.

Craig stare the boys for a second and shut the door in their faces.

Stan: Goddamit!

Kyle: HEY! Why we don’t ask Tweek? We hang out before maybe he will help.

Stan: Oh yeah!

Craig from the inside of the house: He is working in his parent’s coffee shop.

Stan: Shit! (he make a little pause and continues) Hey! We should go ask Jimmy.

Kyle: Yeah, he is a nice friend.

They run to meet Jimmy. When they finally there they again knock on the door. Jimmy answer it.

Jimmy surprised: H-hello f-feel-feelas.

Stan: Hi Jimmy we need your help.

Jimmy: Oh sorry guys. I k-kinda busy right now.

Kyle: With what?

Jimmy: Tim Tim is helping me with my jokes.

Timmy appears behind Jimmy.

Timmy: Timmy!

Stan and Kyle: Hi Timmy.

Jimmy: I think that maybe Token CAN h-hel-Help you g-gg-guys!

Stan: Alright them. Let’s go Kyle.

Jimmy: B-bye. (He closes the door; the boys still can hear him) So Tim Tim, w-what you thin-thinn-think of t-this o-oo-one?

The boys look disappointed; they starts to walk very tired to see Token. Kyle is almost giving up.

Kyle: This is taking almost all of us Sunday!

Stan: Yeah, I starting to get tired of this.

Kyle: Its better Token help us.

Stan: Yeeah….hey…I think we are forgiving something….

Kyle: Nah, we just need help if this craziness.

When the boys arrive Token’s house, they already are hopeless. Stan ring the bell door from the gate.

The gate opens and the boys come in, Token is already in the door, waiting.

Token: Oh is you guys!

In the next second Tweek appears behind him, holding something that the boys cant recognized.

Tweek speaking low: Who was that? ( he get scared when see that was Stan and Kyle) Well, Thanks Token I need to go now. Bye guys.

Stan and Kyle look to each other confused. Tweek runs out the place.

Token: So you guys wanna get in? Let’s go to my room.

The boys follows Token to the bedroom.

Kyle: Wow, your room is really cool.

Token: Thanks! So why you guys come here?

Stan: We need help with a new situation.

Kyle: Yeah. We need to know how you react to Craig when him and Tweek start dating.

Token: Ah, well was not that hard, I don’t get it at first but he is one of my best friends so wasn’t that weird later. Why?

Stan: Well, a friend we hang out is dating another guy now and we are very confused with it.

Token: Are you two gay now?

The boys: NO!

Token: Are you sure?

Stan angry: Yes!

Kyle: Look, we are talking about-Stan interrupted.

Stan: I remember! We promise don’t they anyone.

Kyle: Oh yeah, that right.

Stan: We tell Craig.

Kyle: We’re bastards! They will get so mad at us.

Stan: Let’s go back to Craig.

Kyle: Yes.

Token: What?

Token watch the boy leave. He don’t have any glue about what just happens and decide don’t care about it. This is about the boys after all and they do these things all the time, he concluded.

Again, in front of Craig’s door, the boys without air from the running knock on the door. Craig answer it again.

Craig: Oh, is you guys again.

Stan: Craig you don’t tell anybody, right?

Craig: That part of the “I don’t care” you don’t listen.

Kyle: Look dude, this is serious, Cartman can kill us if he knows we break the promise.

Craig: I still don’t care. Now leave, I’m busy here.

Stan: For Christ’s love, what is so important?

Craig: I’m dressing up Stripe 4.

The boys: Are you serious??

Craig: Yes. It’s definite better than be dragged to your problems…. again.

Stan: You suck Craig.

Craig flip off the boys and  shut the door.

Stan and Kyle look at each other.

Stan: So we say that thing?

Kyle: Yeah, we say that thing.

Kyle: We saw Tweek in Token’s house.

Craig opens the door again.

Craig: What?

Before the boys could answer, they notice Tweek behind them.

Tweek: C-Craig….I….

End of Chapter four.

[coolgirl]

Fic recs masterpost

ok so i used to have a lot of fics masterposts on my old blog and people keep asking for recs + i wont be able to upddate them or anything anymore so i decided to just move them all to this blog

under the cut: AUS / arkham knight / jaykyle / jayroy / robin!jason / gen / angst fics 

*: last added (april 4) //   for some reason the links arent working so go to jasontodd.tumblr.com/ficrecs for the links, sorry!

AUS

The Virtue of Revenge | young justice au with jason as red x making his own team with roy, starfire, raven, and others. i love it, even if it has shaky moments and stuff pls give it a chance.

crystal silence creeping down | young justice/lost days au

Flicker from View | another young justice au

Live to Rise | yes. you guessed it. young justice au.

Collide &  Convergence | au where post crisis jason goes to the young justice universe

The Changeling Sequence | series where jason meets damian before he went to gotham. The last part is a wip that i doubt will ever get updated again, so uh be careful. read only the first or second part and forget about the third.

The Drag of Fate | au where jason is lady shiva’s son as well. Part of a series, which i also highly recommend but idk if they would be au as well

heavy on the heart | another jason and cass are bio siblings. A+.

Didymous | cass and jason are twins.

repairing the world | i dont know how to explain this series.. its an au and really really good. Jason doesn’t appear in all the pieces.

just go  | jayroy, wings au

In the Shadows (of Who We Used to Be) | jayroy, black widow & hawkeye au

The Family (or how Jason Todd was adopted by the Avengers) | marvel crossover

bad boys bad boys (whatcha gonna dooo) ♫ | jason is damian’s batman. iconic fic imo.

Rise (And Try Not to Fall) | star wars au

A Bird in Morning | bruce finds jason when he’s at the hospital after crawling out of his grave

Moment Between | ghost jason & ghost martha and thomas wayne

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Perhaps The World Ends Here | marvel crossover, future jaykyle

Batten Down the Hatches | a few different aus here. young justice + helena wayne

My Brother's Keeper | jason & damian knew each other from before + damian arrives to gotham just for jason

When the Moon Found the Sun | main story is clark/bruce but it’s preetty cute. soulmates au.

Between the Light and the Dark* | damian & jason uuhm i cant remember what this one was about per se bc im reading like 5487 similar fics but yeah

Two Dead Birds  | time travel stuff

Red Blood, Blue Blood | jason (and the rest of the batkids) are bruce’s biological kids, yeah i wasnt a big fan of the premise at first either but its gud

Rebirth | talia & jason, mind the warnings

you belong among the wildflowers | kate n renee adopt jason instead of bruce

We're the warriors of tomorrow |  Cass, Jason and Damian meet while with the League of Shadows

Can You Hear Me?  | ghost jason

to death's other kingdom I will not go  | bruce makes it on time au

The Ties That Bind  |  The pit restores Jason's body but not his mind, Ra's makes him one of his assassins and Talia adopts him as her own.

death’s outlet song of life* | the gordons find jason before the events of lost days

reflections on shattered mirrors.* | talia & jason stuff

Come Alive* | young justice s3 based

A Path Upon The Ground* | au from lost days, eddie and jason meet again

ARKHAM VERSE

If He Had Come & the sequel  Desiderium | au where bruce rescued jason before he could become the arkham knight.

the roads we know

this gun needs no bullets

JASON & BRUCE CENTRIC (not romantic)

Quack | this one is so crackish but so so cute i love it, robin jason

If He Had Come & sequel Desiderium  | arkham knight verse and its so good and has a lot of bruce & jason feels

Neverland /  Keep Lying To Me | deaged/ little jason from another universe.. sad and cute

Icarus and Bubble Gum | fluff, robin jason

Knock On Death’s Door | bit of both but not so so so angst, red hood jason

dead and dying things | au

In Memoriam | angst, trying to fix their relationship, red hood jason

If the Fates Allow | angst, red hood jason

The D-Word | fluff kind of.. red hood jason

This Place We Built With Grace and Guilt | angst angst angst, red hood jason

I Love You | robin jason, fluff

Wayward Birds | fluff and angst, robin jason

yesterday’s gone, yeah it went away (i’ve been lost but i’m here today) | another trying to fix their relationship fic, its cute and sad

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Little Absences | sad, robin & red hood

Schrödinger's Honest Man | sad, drugs tw, absolute fave

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

Frozen History | de-age

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

Unconventional Family Reunions | bvs setting

Prompt: Trapped | mind the warnings

Safe In My Arms 

The Failures of Reverse Engineering  | ghhm not really bruce & jason maybe?

to death's other kingdom I will not go | bruce saves jason au

points of impact  | glass case get fucked

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)*

waiting for you. *

The Little Things*

World's Finest* | my uwus my uwus have fallen everywhere

JAYKYLE (all iconic)

In Which Kyle Confesses The Same Thing Six Times

milk and honey

Batman vs Space Bureaucracy

deadlock

attention to detail

tempest in a teapot

violet tendencies

no love, no glory (no hero in his skies)

keep the door open for me

waffles and war 

The Art of Subtlety (jason lives au)

Perhaps The World Ends Here | marvel crossover, future jaykyle

Riding in Batcars with Boys

boy, you fill my lungs with sweetness

no chance, no way, i won't say it (no, no)  

a change in the atmosphere

invitation to commitment

Overexposed 

i deserve that, don't i, some sort of blazing love that i can live with 

i won't say 

The water is always warmest at dawn

JAYROY (all iconic too)

sleepless 

Countdown

just go (wings au)

Unspoken

(for thy love is) better than wine (E)

Rooftops

Dick Wolf is a Really Funny Name

A headache isn’t always a bad thing

sad eyes, bad guys, mouth full of white lies [high school au]

kairosclerosis 

The Night They Met 

march down an empty street (like a ship into the storm) *

Archange de la mort (rallume ton flambeau) * | hic warning lol

this time, the loser wins | steph & jason centric though

So Baby Come Light Me Up *

Little Talks *

All the light is never ending, much like you and I; *

Don't let me go, for I feel I may fall * | soulmates au

Something Reckless * 

OTHERS

how to make a home. * | some eddie/jason if you squint, rose/eddie/jason team up

This Car Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us* | could be read as jayconnor :3

Robin/young!Jason

The Art of Subtlety | jason lives au, jaykyle

Little Absences | sad, robin & red hood

I Love You | robin jason, fluff

Wayward Birds | fluff and angst, robin jason

Icarus and Bubble Gum | fluff, robin jason

Quack | this one is so crackish but so so cute i love it, robin jason

we were not tragedies | jason & babs, read warnings

Heavy Home | gen, alfred & jason

Good News (No One Mourns the Wicked) | Jason & steph & damian. harold they’re dead (kinda robin!jason??)

Love Yourself (So No One Has To) | good amazing au with some selina & jason (not really.. robin but it starts as robin!jason i guess?)

Moment Between | ghost jason & ghost martha and thomas wayne

We’re not in Crime Alley Anymore | au where jason was younger when bruce took him (and he didnt become robin)

Tired &  Laundry | kinda au, read tw!

Smoke | jason & jim gordon

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)* | mix of present and past jason

Sidekick* 

waiting for you.* | technically baby jason

The Little Things*

World's Finest* | oh this one.. my uwus

GEN

hold on to what  we are, hold on to your heart | gen, Barbara & Jason friendship. Some dinahbabs & jayroy

gotta give the boy points | gen, absolute fave

Strangers in Nothing but Name | marvel crossover, side steve/bucky

If He Had Come |  Desiderium | Arkham Verse, gen

I can’t  think up a good  name for this | young justice verse, gen apart from canon relationships

A Better Thesis | gen, p short but i loved it

The  F-Word | gen, batboys being batboys

until i’m in my grave | gen, wip 

Robins United | gen, batkids bonding, except for cass, thats my only complaint

Free of Dogma | gen, canon divergence, marvel crossover w Jason & Bucky

bad boys bad boys (whatcha gonna dooo) ♫ | au where damian is jasons robin and not dick’s, obviously damian & jason brotp. 

Heavy Home | gen, alfred & jason

In the  Shadow of Two Gunmen | gen, Marvel crossover

Flicker from View | side Barbara/Dick, young justice verse

I Love You | gen, Bruce & Jason

how to  hide a stray resurrected superhero from your parents/parental figure | au, jason & tim friendship kinda

One For The Road | Jason/Roy/Koriand’r but its SO cute

Baby,  It’s Cold Outside | gen, Dick & Jason

The  (Family) Doctor’s  Appointment | gen, batboys bonding

The Family (or how Jason Todd was adopted by the Avengers) | marvel crossover, gen

Reason | wip, gen, canon divergence

Soliloquy | gen, tim & Jason brotp,  and really cute batfam moments

Red As The Shadow Of Death | gen, young justice/under the red hood verse

Give Yourself a Chance | gen, duke & Jason & leslie brotpish

homecoming | outlaws brotp fic, could be considered shippy if you want to

And I Said What About Breakfast at Tiffany’s | jason & steph

Of Bats and the Forsaken | jason & all the batkids, side steph/cass and jay/roy if you squint

this is a long drive (for three robins who don’t agree on much) | no capes au, steph & jason & damian, background tim/tam

The Dying of the Light | marvel crossover, bucky & jason, canon divergence

Cat | selina &  jason, catlad au

Killing for Love | cass & jason, au  where jason was lady shivas son  

Keep Lying To Me | de-aged au, just heartbreaking imo, cursed fic

The Social Habits of Robin | gen, batboys. Where_is_cass.jpg tho

Steph and Jay’s Excellent Adventures | series, Steph & Jason

Neverland | jason & batkids, young!jay travels to the future. sad asad sad

on a thin chain of moments and something like faith | gen, jason & cass & steph mostly. really good

Good News (No One Mourns the Wicked) | Jason & steph & damian. harold they’re dead

In a Parallel Life | batboys focused, it has amazing dialogue, dynamics, and characterization. It’s only missing Cass and the rest of the girls.

repairing the world | series, not everything is about the batfam.

Born to Run (Born to Rise) | Jason & Talia having a mother/son relationship reblog if you agree

Live to Rise | it updated again p recently so yay! young justice verse

To Save a Dying City  | jason + other people

Let’s Have Some Fun This Beat Is Sick | mostly damian centric

Movie Night: The Mummy  | read trigger warnings, batboys

The Trading Chain  | not jason centric, but it has cass being older than jason and calling him “little brother” so noice

we sure know how to run free  | jason & cass

Yesterday’s Voices | bruce loses his memory au

Nests and Cages series | read trigger warnings

Roots | barbara centric, really good plot and characterization

Love Yourself (So No One Has To) | good amazing au with selina & jason

Retrograde Motion | de aged jason au

Provenance | mostly roy centric, bruce fucks oliver’s life for what he did to roy. iconic

Schrödinger's Honest Man | sad, drugs tw, absolute fave 

Batten Down the Hatches | a few different aus here. young justice + helena wayne

My Brother's Keeper | jason & damian knew each other from before + damian arrives to gotham just for jason

White Christmas | bruce & robin!jason

until i'm in my grave v2 | this one is already mentioned in this post BUUUT the writer started rewriting it so!

Frozen History | de-age

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

show me yesterday, for i can’t find today | time travel au

Warm Enough | alfred & jay fluff

Parallels | mia & jason team up

Legacy | reverse robins, not jason centric but hes there alright.. i think.. i cant remember :D

What are the words I'm forbidden to say?* | damian & jay fluff

Cracked Foundation| jason n damian

Cat's Cradle  | more jason n damian

spaces in between  | damian & jason again

When the lights go out  | damian & jason, theres a pattern here

in my head, i do everything right | some jason & steph

is it my fault? (we've been missing each other)* | past & future jason

life, if well lived* | jason travels back in time and meets martha & thomas wayne

In Charge * | babie jason

Pyrrhic victory* | jason & damian stuff

Twists and Turns* | more jason & damian bonding

Of Brothers and Batcows* | guess what.. yes! more jason & damian

This Car Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us* | jason & connor.. say no more!

First Gear* | back to jason & damian please read this.. damian tries to teach jason to drive

changing, falling, fading (please watch over me)* | jason bonds with damian & steph

ANGST

Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death [read the trigger warnings!!]

in the repairing the world series there are a lot of fics dealing with jason, tho Warm Enough ugh not all are centered around him. I would say read  Escalation | Coup de Grâce |  Interlude for the rh!jason arc, and  Tired &  Laundry for robin!jason. [also read trigger warnings]

Countdown | jason/roy]

those six days [trigger warnings again!!!]

Call | angst

the tune without the words  | kind of character study from jim gordon’s pov

Unspoken | jason/roy, really angsty if you remember how red hood arsenal ended

If He Had Come & Desiderium | arkham knight verse, read trigger warnings!

Reason | on hiatus :/

hold on to what we are, hold on to your heart   | this is my favorite ever.. read trigger warnings

Heavy Home | alfred & jason

until i’m in my grave [trigger warnings!]

Keeping Broken Pieces Together

Monsters | marvel crossover

gotta give the boy points | this one please!!!! another fav. read trigger warnings

The weight of it [trigger warnings!]

Live to Rise | young justice verse

Neverland | THIS ONE IS PURE ANGST!!! please its so sad..

Keep Lying To Me | this one has some angsty scenes too im sad emoji

hangman is coming down from the gallows  | some angst

Movie Night: The Mummy  | read trigger warnings, batboys

Love Yourself (So No One Has To)

All in the Blood [read trigger warnings]

Little Absences

Stargazer | jason n bruce patching their relationship.. its iconic

Rebirth * | mind the warnings and its really. sad.

The Failures of Reverse Engineering *

Eternal Soliloquy * | sad sad

throw me a lifeline (I might even catch it) *

changing, falling, fading (please watch over me) * | jason & steph & dami angst

[junker-town]

Does Joe Maddon need to calm the heck down with his position players pitching?

The A’s came back from a 10-2 deficit in the seventh, and the Cubs are using position players to pitch in 7-1 games. This is silly, right?

When I turned on Tuesday night’s A’s-Rangers game, the A’s were losing, 10-2 in the seventh inning. I left to do a quick podcast, and when I came back, the A’s were losing, 10-8. A few minutes later, the game was tied, and by the time Khris Davis launched a three-run moon shot that disintegrated in the ionosphere, I was a giggling idiot. More so than usual, even. It was a fun game to watch from a distance.

It must have been a ludicrously fun game to watch intently. I was following it from the NBC Sports Bay Area studios, where there are plenty of A’s partisans, and I could hear the whoops and yelps with every walk, homer, and run. When Stephen Piscotty hit his game-tying home run in the ninth inning, I could hear post-game analyst Dallas Braden scream from hundreds of feet (and several rooms) away.

The A’s are ridiculous, and Tuesday night’s game would make any fan jealous. There’s nothing in sports that’s better than a comeback against insurmountable odds. But after appreciating the A’s and their silly season for a few seconds, my thoughts turned darker.

All I could think about is that beneath the fun, hip exoskeleton, Joe Maddon is a soulless actuary.

The connection goes like this: On Monday night, the Cubs were losing 7-1 in the top of the eighth inning, and Maddon brought in a position player to pitch. It happened to be exactly after the play that sent the Cubs’ win expectancy from 1 percent to 0 percent, according to Baseball-Reference, so it’s possible that Maddon was playing the numbers. It was still strange to see Anthony Rizzo’s goofy grin from the mound while the Cubs were still kinda sorta in the game.

If you’re a fan of baseball history, you might know about the last time the Cubs came back from six runs down in the eighth. It was a couple months ago, and it sure was a good thing that Maddon didn’t have Rizzo pitching in that game.

So, yes, Maddon gave up on a game in which the Cubs were down by six runs with four outs to go, which seems both wise and strange. This is a mostly an academic exercise because Rizzo (and the other position player who pitched, Victor Caratini) didn’t allow a run and the Cubs didn’t score another run. They were going to lose 99 times out of 100, if not 999 times out of 1,000, and Maddon saved his bullpen. He’s the genius, and I’m the dope whining about something on the internet.

This headline aged well:

More position players are pitching than ever before, and there’s a simple explanation why

The conclusion?

While baseball is cyclical and this could go the way of the stolen base, there’s very little risk to go with the measurable reward of keeping your bullpen fresh.

That argument is exactly what Maddon used when he was asked about the optics of giving up on a 7-1 game.

Yesterday was connected to Saturday, most specifically. Having to come out of the break and playing five games in four days and a day-night doubleheader impacted Monday’s game.

In the first Cubs game after the break, which was a day earlier than almost everyone else in baseball, Kyle Hendricks was pulled in the fifth inning, and six relievers combined to hold the lead. The doubleheader didn’t do them any favors, and the bullpen was moderately taxed. Here are all the batters faced from the Cubs relievers in each game after the All-Star break:

Steve Cishek had a day off after appearing in both games of a doubleheader. Carl Edwards was definitely fresh. Strop probably could have gone if needed, but remember that Brandon Morrow is on the DL.

With four outs to go, a normal manager probably would have used Edwards. Maddon chose to use position players in a mostly hopeless game to save one of his better relievers for the next game, though.

The Cubs did not win that next game, and Edwards didn’t pitch. They used Cishek to face seven batters, Chavez to face three, and the newly activated Eddie Butler to face nine. The immediate benefit of punting with a six-run deficit was Edwards getting an extra day of rest. It’s not inconceivable that will pay dividends in October.

All he had to do was make it harder for his team to have a rousing, once-every-decade comeback win like the A’s had.

Leave it to Maddon to make me think he’s less fun for having his position players pitch.

Before writing this, I had several headlines already in mind. “The A’s are a ridiculously fun baseball team and Joe Maddon is trying too hard” was one. “The A’s are proof that Joe Maddon is being too cute” was another.

After writing this, though, I think I changed my mind. The trend of position players pitching probably isn’t going away soon. Bullpens are the heartbeat of the modern game, for better and very much for worse, and managers’ careers can be defined by how well they manage them. We might stop seeing stars like Rizzo pitch after a comebacker gets someone hurt, but the general idea of giving up on a game to keep a bullpen fresh is here to stay.

Remember this graph?

Well, let’s just update that:

Maddon has used five position players to pitch since the All-Star break. And, you know what? Part of the reason Edwards was fresh enough to be used in that 7-1 game was because Maddon used three position players to absorb innings in a blowout earlier in the week.

However, if we’re being honest, the A’s probably aren’t going to win the World Series this year. That’s not a slight against them, just a nod to the 1/8 odds they’ll roughly have if they even reach the postseason. Most teams won’t win the World Series, and they’ll need something else to convince their fans that baseball is worth watching.

The A’s got something to convince their fans, and it was a single game that they’ll remember for years. Remember that time the A’s came back from that huge deficit in the eighth will be a powerful force for anyone who can answer “yes,” and the wonder of the Game Without a Clock will be reinforced for a huge swath of people. Making that kind of comeback harder — signaling to your team to focus on tomorrow — seems like a great way to avoid this kind of historically fun game.

At the same time, the odds are against these two scenarios ever colliding, so maybe it’s more likely that the fans will have more fun when Carl Edwards is slightly less gassed in the NLCS and pumps a fastball by Eric Hosmer*. And if you’re busy being hyper-pragmatic about bullpen usage and pitching position players in non-blowouts, there’s still a chance that the silliness will still come to you. Especially the NL teams, who will be playing with a de facto DH, after all.

* the second half is gonna be wild, y’all

So I hate to do this, but I started with an idea that Maddon was screwing with his team’s chances to have a memorable comeback, and I’m ending with the belief that he’s probably doing the right thing. The more position players pitch, the less exciting it is, and a little piece of me is dying away, but I also understand the strategy behind it. Keeping bullpens fresh is more important than waiting for that A’s-like comeback that might not happen for another decade.

Joe Maddon doesn’t hate fun. He’s just trying to reallocate the fun to a likelier date. In today’s wacky bullpen-dependent game, I don’t blame him. Even if I hate the idea that we might miss out on a comeback like the one the A’s enjoyed on Tuesday night.

Because, friends, that was a very, very, very fun baseball thing, and I’m going to keep being overprotective of games like that.

[lalka-laski]

Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Absolutely. They’re responsible for majority of my music taste. And I love when the roles reverse and THEY latch onto a band/artist that I introduced to them.  Is there any food in your bedroom? Nope. I rarely eat in there anymore.  Do you know anyone who has road rage? My boyfriend. Driving with him gives me headaches for that reason! Too often I have to ask him to calm down and stop cursing.  How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I’m not a shoes person at all, so any amount of money is more than I care to spend How far away do your grandparents live from you? Their assisted living facility is just about 10-15 minutes from my apartment 

What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? Cinnamon Toast Crunch for my 5 year old self, and some kind of Great Grains for Glenn’s 85 year old self.  Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom? Uhhh nope  Whats the last thing you spent over 10$ on? I spent over $100 yesterday at Bath & Body Works. But in my defense, $55 worth of it was for my sister & she’s paying me back! Over 30$? See above^. I can’t help a candle sale!! Do you know who lives three houses down from you? I live in an apartment complex  Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? It seeps out their pores instead of sweat. Everyone knows this. Is there a bulletin board in your room? Negative Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? My mom is a conscientious eater (although she’s very balanced and regularly indulges in her favorite “treats” and wine). My dad, on the other hand, eats and drinks whatever he pleases with no regard for his own health. It worries me sometimes.  Easter or Halloween? Those are actually two of my favorites! Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No way  What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? Two kinds of Doritos, two kinds of tortilla chips, and some Great Value Cheddar & Sour Cream.  Do you have your moms or dads hair? I’m the only blonde in the family so.... neither? Whats the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? The bed, most likely  Have you ever skipped history class? In college, I’m sure.  Do you own any yellow clothes? Very little, if any. I’m too pale to pull of yellow.  Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? Strawberry blonde or auburn, but no full-on redheads. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? I can’t say I have Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different decade?  Eh, kinda. My guess would be late 90′s?  Whens the last time you wore heels? Years & years ago  Do you have your moms or dads eyes? My dad’s Is there anything shiny in the room youre in? Not really  Whats the best date movie? I’m not big on movies, much less on a date. It’s too impersonal.  How long has your current best friend been your best friend? My longest best friend & I have known each other for 28 years strong! Have your parents ever been out of the country? My mom was born “out of the country” and my dad was military, so he’s traveled across the globe.  Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Nope  How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? Uh, I don’t know or care enough to count Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I don’t play them to begin with. But Glenn does & he does occasionally swear but only under his breath. He doesn’t go Kyle mode.  Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? They’re both quite pretty.  Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Do you know me? If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’m up by 5:30 most days and yes, it is painful. Tomorrow would be especially so because it’s supposed to be my sleep-in day! Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk? Ha, sure have. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Not altogether but for certain occasions.  Would you rather get a new brother or sister? My parents are WAY too old for this to even be a consideration.

Do you have anything in your room youve had for ten years or more? Plenty of things. I’m very sentimental and I like holding on to stuff for years and years.  Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc? I’m Fb Messaging with Glenn right now and I plan to kiss him as soon as I get home.  Do eat at home or in restaurants more? Well thanks to Covid, eating out in restaurants was impossible for several months. I’m slowly making my way out into the public again but I certainly eat at home more. Who has the money to dine out every night??  Whens the last time you were so excited you couldnt sleep? Why? It’s been awhile. These days, it’s more that I’m too anxious to sleep. Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? I have no clue who the latter is but I’d choose Audrey Hepburn over anyone, regardless.

If your best friends birthday was next week, what would you get them? It depends which best friend we’re talking about  What is your moms favorite movie? Love Actually  How much older is your dad then you? Oh boy, gonna make me do some math here?? Pass. What TV family reminds you of your own family? We are the family from Last Man Standing to a T!  Do you own any flip-flops? They’re my preferred footwear. I’m wearing a pair right now! Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? My parents never told me that, I don’t think. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? Sure Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? The drawers of my art desk are a hodge podge  Is the last person you spoke to in love? Yeah! How far away is Chicago from where you live? I don’t feel like looking it up Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? A few people, yes.  Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Yep Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking? I honestly never did. Pretty boys aren’t my type.  What was the last movie to make you cry? I won’t lie, I teared up a little at Lilo & Stitch the other night Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? There was somebody in my residence hall Freshman year who did that often. How mature, right? Who was the main character in the last book you read? Her name was Margaret  Is the last person you said goodbye to single? Nope, she’s married  Who are the last people you saw kiss? Honestly I’m not sure. I haven’t kissed Glenn in public in awhile because we have to be masked up wherever we go Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? Nope Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Whos the bride/groom? I honestly never did until I met the love of my life. Now I daydream about it often :)  Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. I haven’t worn lipgloss since probably middle school. What was the last unplesant thing to wake you up? Oh my God. I had intense night terrors last night that I can hardly bring myself to talk about now. They were so bad I was shaking.  Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf? I might be that friend LOL Does that get annoying? I’m sure people probably think we’re annoying or at least *ahem* excessive.  Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Why not both? If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? This is is an uncomfortable question!  Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? Actually no. Not that I know of, at least....  Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? I’m assuming video games & berating women?  When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? I have two sisters so they will share the title Does your best friend get along with their parents? I have multiple best friends & the answer to this varies If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? It would take YEARS Do you understand why ‘To kill a mockingbird’ is called what it is? Yep When’s the last time you broke plans? Why? I do it semi frequently. I’m always gung-ho about plans when I make them, but get struck by laziness and anxiety when the time rolls around. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? I was the flower girl for my aunt’s wedding when I was 4. I got halfway down the aisle, noticed everyone staring at me and burst into tears. Classic!  Would you feel safer with an alarm systen or security camera? Both, although I guess a security camera is no good if you only use it in retrospect, huh?  Does the last person you touched smoke? I don’t think she does Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you? IT’S ME I’M BITCHES Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? Definitely. Especially because my hair’s color treated. I need to use regular shampoo to keep it clean and then purple shampoo to keep the yellow tones at bay.  Rate this survey from 1 to 5 (1 worst, 5 best): Honestly this was a solid 5! 

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #2- “My dumb ass tribe apparently doesn’t know how to play chess”- Tawni

I want to go and do some chatting today if I can, get people feel more comfy. I have to be consistent because when you're consistent peoppe are going to want to have you around longer. So I am gonna work on the whole tribe if I can!!

I am so conflicted right now. Rizo has potential to be one of my closest allies and that makes me kind of concerned for this. The twist has me needing him gone to get the idol and Im not concerned with it, but like realistically I feel like I have one of the easier lists...I cant decide if I should trll him to assure I never want the idol or keep it a secret. I could claim Ill never target him but really it would make me paranoid that my ally has me as an option on the table. Gosh Im in a pickle

I think an alliance may be brewing! I was approached by Chris and Gwen talking about a group of five of us, but nothing is concrete yet. I hope it's true though, the five consists of myself, Gwen, Chris, Sara and AnnMarie, which are the people I personally find the most interesting so they're definitely the people I wanna see stick around. Kyle's fun too, but we've only spoken a couple times and as soon as I thought our conversation was going somewhere he left me on read, so... ya..

so, i'm a mess and forgot to do this for round one,, sorry!! but, it was actually kind of an interesting round. upon meeting my tribe, i was mainly just trying to get to know everyone and at least introduce myself, which was honestly kind of overwhelming especially never having met these people LOL. but all in all, i think it went well. i at least made a bit of conversation with everyone on my tribe which was super good i think. i think the first talk of strategy came from zach, who wanted to make an alliance with like everyone but cheatham, dylan, and will which was kind of messy. i made the mistake of mentioning cheatham's name as the vote in that chat before i realized that no one else in there was loyal to that alliance LOL and actually wanted to vote zach out for being messy. as far as i know, cheatham doesn't know that i said that so hopefully he never gets around to hearing it??? but anyways, after that mess, i was added to another alliance called the sane ones, with noah, tawni, cheatham, and dylan. i actually really love this alliance and im super thankful to be a part of it. we all discussed voting zach and sure enough that's what happened. so last round was pretty straightforward with a unanimous vote against zach. however, in my new alliance, i have been informed of austin making an alliance with the same people in my alliance minus me LOL. so now i have to watch out for austin who is probably coming after me since he isn't including me in my alliance. but i feel pretty decent right now, i really do feel like that alliance has my back and im working on building individual relationships as well. i feel closest with tawni i think since we are currently bonding over our distrust of noah since he's kind of fawning over the fact that we are women?? like what?? LOOL please i don't want to deal with straight men this game honestly. but anyways yeah i'm kind of hoping we don't have to do tribal again so soon because it was pretty stressful, especially now that i know some people aren't including me in things.

Going into the first immunity challenge, I was confident that my tribe could pull thru because for the most part we were all very active. In the time of the challenge I have made great connections with everyone in the tribe and I feel like I have info coming from everyone. I was able to make Gwen Sara Chris Kyle and Annmarie all feel like I was there number 1 and truly idk who is my number 1. I do enjoy Gwen Chris and Sara. As of now they are my final 4 and we have our alliance the Corgis. I am ready to lose and go to tribal and see if these guys are loyal. In terms of target I don’t really have anyone because everyone seems great. Steven has been the least active so as of now I would say him. But the twist is interesting because I want the idol but I do not want to target any of the people on my list so I will play it by ear. But expect some fun and aggressive gameplay.

A lot, I'll make another one later but it's always good to form an alliance you know.

I need to stop showing more of my personality to these people because if I show my self fully it’ll give people a sense of what I am like so for now on I will tone down how I talk to people. Also if we lose I’ll make sure Vincent will be going home.

Austin told me there are 2 trios, and I'm not in either of them :(. Apparently Noah, Will, and Cheatham have a sort of pregame, and then Amy, Dylan, and Tawni have all aligned as well. If I'm going to be honest, I may have made a bit of a hasty decision when I said I wanted to side with ADT over NWC. I wanted to vote Will out for a while, and hopefully I'll get my chance to soon. But winning the challenge would also be a favourable outcome!

Ok so chess. That entire situation was stupid. First off. My dumb ass tribe apparently doesn’t know how to play chess. So the resident stoner had to volunteer aka ME! So at the challenge we, Tim and I, get propositioned with potentially getting an individual advantage by forfeiting while in the lead. Well not even caring about an advantage going into the challenge to begin with I was fine with losing. I would have been fine waking out completely empty handed. But tim being the angel, hoping he doesn’t make me regret calling him that, he is let me at least get the individual reward. But I’m not sure how knowing will has me on his list will help me. Considering he is on mine as well he was already a target for me. It kinda helps knowing I dont have to go after someone who isn’t on my list but I’m not sure how I can actually use this advantage ATM

Noah is still on my side apparently because he leaked Will's plan to vote me. Of course, a part of me is still worried that this is a 4D Chess play which still ends with me dying, but until that my vote will be for Will (most likely).

I HATE LOSING! we need a win but....im doing loyalties for this vote so i can build trust and have numbers on my side

Before the challenge my mind was set on Vincent going home and now it is Amy. So I was able to tell Vincent and Austin to vote her ass out and I told Noah to ask Dylan to vote her out as well and to also I got Noah to tell Dylan if Dylan can be a decoy vote for Amy so we don’t have to worry about who’s she voted for when she’s being given a decoy and the girl doesn’t even know, I’m kinda setting up Noah to look like a stronger player in Dylan’s eyes, I just hope I perceive to be a weak player as in strategic wise to the others. The Queen Stays Queen Adios Amy xx

Man petrel is on a roll. 3 straight challenges and I must say I am impressed. I am happy my team is successful but I’m kind of disappointed I wanted to go to tribal. I wanted to get this game going and see if I could make some moves. I’m confident in my Corgis alliance the the side relationship I have build with Kyle and Annemarie that I think I have a good grasp for the game. I wish we lost and I would have probably waited to see what everyone wanted to do. I’m expecting Steven to be the number 1 target in my estimation. I would like to target maybe Tim because he is a strong player and was on of my targets so I would love the chance to go into the immunity pool for that idol. But I have to be patient and passive I just really want to see where everyone loyalty lie. Should be very interesting

I don't want to lose because I actually like everyone on this tribe. But...we're all literally just sitting here singing Kumbaya around the campfire. The REAL test is going to come once the game turns dog eat dog. After this tribal, Thrush likely will be at least somewhat divided and know that those in the minority might be more likely to cross tribal lines in the instance of a swap. Petrel is loose and unpredictable! So....I'm not asking for tribal....but I'm sorta asking for tribal! It would tell a lot!

Well! I was surprised how organized we were as a group in the challenge! I definitely feel we make a great team and honestly I think for me once I feel like I am under pressure I act out and I am happy I was able to contribute

Hello! So I am waiting in the standby line at Radiator Springs right now so...45 minute wait yay! It’s a good thing we won the challenge yesterday so I can enjoy Disneyland without having to worry about tribal. What’s really interesting to me is that I see myself trying to implement David Bloomberg’s rules without even realizing it. I’m scheming and plotting, albeit trying to keep a lot of it under the radar - to at least make it appear like I’m not scheming and plotting too much. So for example, for rule clarifications for the immunity twist, I am getting those answers in my host chat rather than the tribe chat. I don’t want them to know that I am actually thinking about these things strategically. Last thing I want to do is be michaela-ed out of this game and be undateable!!! I would like for me or one of my alliance mates (preferably Chris or Rizo) to get the idol if we end up having to go to tribal council and vote people out. It isn’t so much that I want to have the immunity, but I want to know where it is. In this game, knowledge is power. Knowing who has the immunity idol is important. Ideally it’s on our side, but if we keep winning, it might not be. If the other tribe does get it, we will have to keep the majority OG Petrel and split votes. That would probably be our smartest option, assuming everyone is willing to stay Petrel-strong. That’s my plan for now. But don’t doubt that I will flip if I think it will benefit me in the game. Another thing that I did this round was discussing a little strategy with Chris, as he is my #1. I wanted to get a feel for where his head was at in case we went to tribal council. (We had this discussion on voice chat during the immunity challenge). My thinking is that I want to try to get some cards out on the table pre-losing a challenge just to not make it look like I’m just strategizing because we lost. It’s a tough balance. So what I did was I just asked Chris where his head was at in case we did lose. We both agreed that the 6 needs to stay strong (Chris, me, Rizo, Sara, AnnMarie, Liam). That leaves Kyle, Steven, and Tim. I waited until Chris threw out a name first. He said that he didn’t like how Tim reacted in the first immunity challenge when our second move didn’t count because we formatted it wrong. He said that he didn’t like that Tim was sooooo upset at the hosts. That gave me an opening to share that when I accidentally made an incorrect Harry Potter reference, Tim all of a sudden didn’t talk to me as much. I didn’t share my thoughts that I think Tim is very smart and strategic. I would be afraid of him in the merge - he comes off as someone who would be okay throwing alliance members under the bus to further his game. I mean, I am too (IN THE GAME - I LOVE MY PEOPLE AS PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE GAME). So if we do lose an immunity, Tim will probably be a target; however, it may be beneficial to get Kyle or Steven out since they are on my list. We will see how things go if it comes down to it. Another thing that I need to balance is my threat level in challenges. It’s tough because I want us to win, and it’s hard for me not to take control of the challenges. I’m trying to control just as much as I think I need to to win, but not adding too much extra strategically if it’s not needed. Okay, so alliances: things are about the same, but there is one new alliance - Tim’s Devils. So basically, Tim made a group chat with AnnMarie, Sara, and me with some important information. Apparently when he played Hero’s chess with Tawnie, she told him that Noah has been a little creepy (AKA Dan-like) with the girls in their tribe. Now, unfortunately this could be three different things: 1. Noah could actually be creeping and that would be gross. I’m assuming that since he wasn’t ousted from the game, that if he is being creepy, he got a warning and stopped. 2. Tawnie could be making it up. Now, I would hope that wouldn’t be the case, especially given the events of the current season with Missy and Elizabeth. I really really REALLY hope this isn’t the case. Why would she do this? Maybe she has Noah on her list for the immunity twist. If she is doing it, and it’s for that reason, that would be super messed up. 3. Tim could be making up the story that Tawnie told him. Again, I would hope this isn’t true. What would his motivation be? Maybe to keep the target off of himself in a merge or swap? All three of these scenarios are messed up. Sexual harassment is not okay, and neither is using it for gameplay! So Chris said that Corgis is the new FOUTTE (four of us to the end - a bb21 reference). I said we have to keep the name Corgis, and Fessie is not invited. I’m in for that final 4, except for Sara. I adore Sara, but in terms of the immunity twist, she is on my list along with Kyle and Steven. So I need to figure out a way to get her out ASAP, without making it obvious that I’m doing it. I haven’t mentioned this to anyone in the tribe. AnnMarie knows she’s on my list, but I’m on AnnMarie’s list. So it might be beneficial to get AnnMarie out at some point too. I don’t know who else has me on their list. Chris is my #1 for now. As much as I adore him as well, I am not afraid to throw him under the bus in the finals. Chris, if you are reading this after the game, I love you and it’s just game play! I do want to go to the end with you though!!!!! F2! Or F3 with Rizo if that’s the case. The other tribe has been going to tribal. So unless we have a tribe swap soon, they are more likely to get the idol first. So that is definitely something to keep in mind. If Noah goes home tonight, it will be in the back of my mind that Tawnie may have him on her list. And if someone from their tribe gets the immunity, then she may be a contender. Should keep things interesting! Okay, so it’s almost time for me to get on Radiator Springs - so that’s it for now!

So I find that my top 2 are Rizo and Gwen, both of whom have now told me in various ways that I'm their number 1. This should be interesting! I actually dig Rizo a lot but also I had good vibe on Gwen since seeing her intro so we are gonna have to see how this plays out!

I talked to Gwen and we both said we didnt have each other for the twist but I voiced my concern on having the name of someone I like but beung unsure if I should tell them and she felt best to not say a word so I guess Im not telling Rizo 8l

Okay FIRST OFF i don’t wanna day that i’m controlling the game. But i’m controlling the game. I’m obviously a F2 with Tawni bc we know eachother and we tell eachother everything. Noah thinks he’s my F2 but tbh i hope me and tawni can get him out soon bc he’s so PARANOID. Will thinks that we are bffs and i’m blindsiding him tonight. Dylan and Amy think i’m super close with them. And i’m also cool with vincent and Austin. Everyone keeps coming to ME with different plans and it honestly feels nice. I’m just gonna keep being nice while telling them what is going to happen. mwah X

Everything’s going good(knock on wood). We’ve won two straight immunities and the reward challenge(way to go Tim), and we’re about to have the numbers by two people. Hoping we can keep our immunity streak going. I want to get a good group going, possibly with an alliance chat. I feel pretty good with everybody. Really hoping we don’t swap anytime soon. And finally. Go Petrel.

Ok, so I'm gonna be a little mean, but I think I already know who doesn't like me. It feels like a lot of people in my tribe. Everyone is lovely, but I feel a bit disconnected from everyone, especially because of my inactivity. I'm happy though, because everyone works so well in challenges. My inactivity due to school is gonna mess up my game for sure. I'll try to be a bit more bold and there, so I'm not as forgettable as I think I am.

7 votes Will, 1 vote Amy.