#and I'm starting to struggle a little in this chapter and I don't wanna lose the groove dammit!!

[captainsparklefingers]

The only downside of finally being able to be productive at work (a genuinely good thing considering how dead and slow most days can be here) is that it's cutting into my fic writing time. Which would be fine except for the fact that I've been on a groove and I'm afraid to lose the juice and hit a wall again.

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us Chapter 19

Nothingness, but shining.

AO3 || Masterlist

A/N: sooo im being a little ambitious and adding a whole other subplot now lol. Let's see where this whole thing goes lolololol

Thanks as always to @cheesy-cryptid for blessing this story that came from me seeing their art ❤️

Also wanna thank my besties @micropoe10 @mj-bites and @tragedybunny for letting me pick their brains, for soothing me when the insecurities crop up, and for adding their flavor to my brain soup. I love you guys so much.

Tags: @justporo @satanicspinosaurus @sleepy-timaeus

@davenswitcher @wayward-hel

@hereliesblackdragon @misscrissfemmefatale

(lemme know if you wanna be added!)

Octavia easily slid back into her role at work after coming back from Wyvern Hills; it had been difficult to concentrate lately with everything that she had come to learn. She sat at her desk, drifting in and out of the current conversation.

The black ink from Octavia’s pen danced around the piece of paper in front of her, mindlessly circling the notes Gale had given her.

It had been about a week that she had been back, and it was difficult to take herself out of the turmoil brewing inside her. On one hand, she started to know Astarion as a sweet man, reserved and private, but kind; and on the other, her eyes were opened to some of the struggles he had gone through. She couldn't imagine the horrors he endured, the loneliness he brought into himself, and the things that brought him to where he is now.

He was a mystery she hoped to uncover on her own terms, but whether or not he would let her in was a different situation altogether. She blankly stared at the ink spot on the page that grew with each pass of her hand.

“Octavia?...hellooo???? OCTAVIA!” Gale’s voice cut through her empty thoughts.

Octavia snaps out of her mind, immediately reminded that she's at work right now, and Gale doesn't look too pleased with her at this moment. “Did you hear anything I just said? Look, this is important, and I need you to pay attention. Now, as I was saying…”

Gale’s voice trails off as Octavia loses herself in her thoughts yet again. She tried to get a hold of herself, but with the heaviness of the information swirling in her head, it was beginning to get harder and harder to keep everything to herself.

“Anyway, my sister is getting married and she wants to have her entire wedding HERE! I don't think I can convince Astarion to do that, he's too precious about the museum. It's his raison d’etre, you know? It would be like asking him to trust us with his first born child.”

Gale drops his head to his desk, his fingers intertwined in his hair in a frustrated grip. “My sister Athena is not the kind to take no for an answer, and I know her and her fiance” Gale spits out the word with seething disdain, “are going to make my life a bigger nightmare than they already have! Could you help me talk to him? He’ll listen to you more than anyone else, and he's been a HUGE pain since you’ve been away, please Octavia? I'm begging you!”

Gale lifted up his head, his brows furrowed in a worried way, his eyes were heavy and tired, and his lip was in a little pout. Octavia stared at him with a puzzled look, she quietly asks “He has? Wait a minute, you have a sister? Does Astarion know her too?”

Gale sits up with a quick movement, he rolls his eyes and he frowns deeply. “YES! He’s been so insufferable, it's as if everything I suggest is poison in his ears.” He pouts and slumps back down in his chair, “And no, I didn't think it was a good idea to introduce them before talking to him. Shes…uh..well..” he hesitates, his eyes nervously glanced left and right, he brings his hands together and fidgets with his fingers.

“Gale, she can't be that bad right?” Octavia says calmly. Gale stares at her, the lines on his forehead sinking deeper. “Right?” she asks again. Gale’s frown grows as he swallows, “Well, she's not not an asshole…..” Octavia grimaces, “Oh no, they're going to rip each other apart aren't they?”

Gale groans loudly, placing his head back on his desk. “The worst part is, she's marrying my academy rival, Sirilus Szerban Amarzian.” his voice was full of irritation. “You know he always says it like that too, all smugly and condescending. Of course she had to marry him, we both come from wizarding families so they had to keep it traditional or whatever. He's Rolan’s grandson. You know, Rolan, Master of Razamith’s Tower? Let's just say our grandfathers were not too fond of each other. ”

“Oh yeah?” Octavia tried to hide her intrigue, but when Gale glared back up at her, she had a feeling she failed.

“Yes, Octavia. It's an old family misunderstanding over my grandfather stealing The Annals of Karsus from the vault underneath the tower. Also, allegedly something else about Gale suggesting a fix to Roland when a flashing lights cantrip wasn't working the way Rolan wanted at a party the tieflings had thrown. Gale was apparently already somewhat drunk and went up to Rolan and said something like ‘You call that a cantrip? Step aside and let a chosen of Mystra show you how it's done!’ but I call bullshit!”

Gale bristled a bit and continued, “I'm pretty sure it was when Tav and Gale helped save some people who got captured in Moonrise Towers and it just so happened that Rolan’s siblings were part of that crew. Rolan said some pretty mean things to Tav and Gale stepped in to calm things down, Rolan said something like ‘Oh and Mystra’s ex boy toy finally speaks!’ and well, Gale took that personally of course. I mean who wouldn't?”

“Uh huh…and how does that concern you and Sirilius? I mean they were old men when the two of you were in school.” Octavia responds, she knows she may be opening a floodgate, but she was glad to have something to take her mind off her own family drama.

Gale takes a deep breath, he holds it in for a couple of seconds before exhaling out slowly. “Sirilius and I used to be really good friends, I would even say we were best friends, or at least I thought we were. He and I knew about the stupid fight our ancestors had and still got along so well. Until we had a disagreement about something, I don't even remember what, but what I will never forget what he said to me. ‘Maybe Rolan was right about you, you're just as much of an arrogant know it all prick like your grandfather was.’”

He sighs, “That was the last time I had spoken to him… Athena knew how hurt I was about the whole thing, I mean we were friends until the last couple of years in our studies. That's when he got extremely competitive against me, vowed to prove that he came from stronger magics than I. Even though he knew I wanted to go into artifact preservation, he wanted to make me know that I was beneath him.” Gale frowns, his body drops and his shoulders slump down.

“All I ever wanted was a friend who understood the uniqueness of being from a well known lineage. To have that kind of comradery with someone who has a similar experience. It wasn't until I met you that I got that, Octavia. So you see, it felt like a kind of betrayal from my sister, picking him and our familial expectations over me. I know she didn't, obviously, but it felt like it.” Gale placed his hands on his face, Octavia rolled her chair over to his side of their desks and gave him a hug.

She could feel Gale’s body tense up, slowly recover, and return the hug. “It's okay, Gale. I will gladly help you. It's the least I can do for you.” Octavia patted Gale’s back, a small sigh followed by him pulling away from her, she could see the wave of relief flood over him. “Thank you. I owe you. Uh…I was actually going to go speak to Astarion after the museum closed, do you mind staying back so we could meet with him together?”

Octavia blinks in shock, she didn't feel quite ready to go speak to Astarion, but with Gale in tow he would have to be professional and subdued. She nods to Gale, who smiled wide in return. “Okay, I have to prepare for it. I have to get hold of Athena so she can send me her pictures and inspiration board, food, flowers…”

Gale turns to his desk and scribbles something onto a piece of paper. Then, he walks up to the window and opens it, he speaks some words and moves his hands around, conjuring up a white and gray spotted bird. He ties the little note to its leg along with a small pouch he ties around its body.

“Okay, Ellie, can you bring this to Athena and come back to me before the end of operating hours? I left very specific instructions for her, so if she tries to have you come back with a ton of stuff, don't let her unless she reduces it and puts it in the little pouch. Be good with Archie, alright? Safe flight, kid.”

Ellie takes off as Gale waves them away, he turns around and laughs as he notices Octavia’s wide eyed stare. “You can make a bird? And it listens to you? That's pretty cool!” she exclaims. Gale smiles with a proud beam, he nods and closes the window halfway.

“Yeah! Ellie is a sea osprey, they're captivating and quite abundant in Waterdeep! Athena and I both had familiars we conjured as children. Ellie’s mine and Athena had Archie, who is a fish owl. We would send Ellie and Archie out to hunt when we would practice our spells. I couldn't bring her around my grandfather's tower because of Tara, they never got along.”

Gale hugs Octavia one more time before walking up to the door of their office. “Thank you again, I need to take a walk and gather my thoughts for a bit before Athena responds. I’ll see you in a few hours?”

Octavia nods, “Yeah, good idea, I might go on a little break too. Lots of stuff to think about, you know?”

Gale perks up, “Oh! Do you want to join me? Maybe we can think of some ideas?”

Octavia hesitates a little before shaking her head “No thank you. I wanted to get some time to walk the halls again, I missed being here while I was in Wyvern Hills. See you later?”

“Yeah, have a nice walk in the halls.” Gale says as he slips out of the room, leaving Octavia alone in silence. She slides into her chair and stares at the ceiling. How would she be able to face Astarion and convince him that a wedding is a good idea to have in the museum??

Octavia closes her eyes and puts herself in Tav’s shoes. How was she able to not only deal with all the enemies coming her way, but now Octavia knows she also had to deal with Astarion as well.

Maybe she’d take that walk after all.

-------------------

Octavia rounded the hallway with various statues.

She stops at the gallery full of beautifully carved marble. The lines of their forms were distracting her, reminding her of the night she and Astarion shared a couple of months ago.

His hands run up her stomach, the rough edges of his nails scrape along the peaks and valleys of her body. His own taught muscles glint with the glow of the firelight softly illuminating them as he dips his head between her legs. She gasps as she feels his other hand lower itself slowly between the slick of her core.

She felt herself flush, her body reacting with a low drop of her belly. Octavia gasps with a sharp inhale, and begins to walk a bit more briskly past the gallery towards the end of the hall.

You gotta get a hold of yourself, not only are you working, but Gale needs you to be there for him.

Octavia briskly walks up to the next gallery with the painting of Astarion. She takes a moment, standing in front of the opening leading to it. Her legs suddenly feel like they have a mind of their own, making her approach slowly towards its direction.

She takes a seat on the bench that is placed in front of it, and looks up at the wall. His sad eyes look down at her and she wonders how she kept telling herself that it wasn't him when it so clearly was. “How could I not see it?” She whispers to herself, eyes firmly stuck to his painted visage.

Octavia sat there, wondering what Astarion had gone through for all those years, how Tav must have felt when he left, so many memories forgotten and lost after she went through with the Unburdening. If Tav hadn't gone through with it, would Octavia even be here right now?

She leans back, feeling the cool stone of the bench underneath her. Octavia closes her eyes and lingers in the dull hushed murmurs of the museum. In her mind, she conjures up images of what she had read in the old, tattered journal.

Tav wrote about walking hand in hand with someone after fighting a spectator in the Underdark. She mentioned how fanciful their footwork was, how they shimmered like the star they were, obviously, Octavia knows now that Tav was speaking of Astarion. Octavia wishes she could see him like that. Covered in blood and grime but so beautiful.

“Having a rough day, my dear?”

Octavia’s eyes shoot open, she turns and faces the silky voice that came from behind her. “Astarion..hello..sorry I hadn't returned your notes when I came back. I’ve been, uh, catching up with a lot of things…Gale left me a lot of stuff..I should probably get back to it, actually.” She begins to stand, but he stops her, taking a seat next to her.

Astarion instinctively takes Octavia’s hand, kissing it before asking, “Wait, I'm sure you can take a bit of a break to catch up,right? How was your trip? I missed you terribly, you know.” he looked down at her with those gemlike eyes, voice softened to a low murmur. She couldn't help the way it made her knees weak and her heartbeat a little faster.

Octavia gasps softly, then clears her throat. She feels Astarion’s fingers intertwined in hers, the coolness of his touch a welcome contrast to her heated skin. “Darling? Are you okay?” Astarion leans in, whispering his inquiry to not draw attention towards them.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Just thinking about things. I…uh…” Octavia hesitates for a moment, before deciding to continue on, “ I found a lot of my mom's personal stuff at my dad’s and there were some things in there that kind of shifted my reality about my family. A lot of things have changed for me, and I’m having trouble coming to terms with it all.”

Astarion scoots closer to her, pressing his shoulder against hers. His whole demeanor shifted to that of a giddy schoolgirl, “Oooh family drama? Sounds delightful! Anything interesting?” He glanced up at Octavia, who returns a mildly annoyed look. Astarion pulls back some, defensively sitting up straight. “From the sudden cloud of darkness cast over us, I would assume not. Do you want to talk about it? Or is this one of those instances where it would be best to forget?”

Octavia couldn't help the nervous laugh that came out of her mouth, she quickly turns away from Astarion, unlacing their hands and hides behind her hair. “Sorry, I..” she trips over her words, unsure of what she should say “I mean..I guess you could say that…part of me wants to keep digging into it all, find out more about why things happened in the past the way they did, but on the other hand…”

She trails off, her hands on her lap, looking at the painting again.

“It’s like that painting, I know I could spend my time figuring out who that is, but what would be the benefit at this point? They're either dead or don't want to be found. I feel like I should leave well enough alone. Maybe some things aren't meant to be uncovered. ‘Not every mystery needs to be solved’, as Gale repeated from you once. Good advice, I should follow it.”

Octavia keeps her eyes on the wall, fingers twitching, unsure of what to tell him. She wants nothing more than to be open and honest with him, but how could she? 

“We aren't talking about Gale, Octavia.” Astarion replies. He reaches back out and grabs her hands, steadying them. “You can trust me, but I understand if you don't want to or aren't yet ready to talk about this. Some things take time to come to terms with before you can fully talk about it.” Astarion stands and holds a hand out for Octavia, she takes it and stands beside him. 

“Gale asked to speak with me after hours tonight, would you like to go to dinner with me afterwards? Call it an impromptu outing? Although that does mean you'd have to hang back a bit, I understand if you say no, it was a bit last minute.” Astarion seemed a little nervous himself, as he rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. It was as if he was trying to comfort her as he comforted himself.

Octavia gives a small mischievous smile, “Well…” she teased, “I did have a pressing matter to attend to after work. Maybe I could fit you in afterwards, I'm a very busy woman, you know.” 

Astarion’s eyebrows raise and he chuckles warmly, “Oh do forgive me, I had no idea I was in the presence of high importance.” He wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her close, “Can’t you spare some of your time for me?” with his other hand he cups her cheek, kissing her softly before pulling back. “I missed you. Terribly so.” 

Octavia giggles and sighs, she can't help the spell he has crafted into her heart. Her inner thoughts are in a torment, was this genuine or was it part of a centuries long practice? As much as she was scared to confront him, she couldn't deny that she missed him as well.

"I missed you too,” she confessed, turning her head away in bashfulness like a youth with a schoolyard crush. 

“Will you wait for me then? I don't think it will be too long, unless he's going to explain something to me, then we could be here all night.” Astarion chuckles, lifting her free hand to give it a quick kiss. 

Octavia rolls her eyes playfully and pulls away from him. “Okay, I can't keep it up. I know what he wants to talk to you about, and I swear it's not bad. If anything, I think it's a great idea.” 

Astarion’s head quirks back, a curious sound hummed from his throat. “Really? You and Gale agreeing on something again? This should be good.” He crosses his arms and smirks, “Go ahead, fill me in on this idea of his.” 

Octavia smiles, this is Gale’s idea so he should be the one to stake his claim. “No.” she sweetly states, backing away slowly, “You can wait a little while longer." She turns and walks toward her office, leaving Astarion in front of himself. 

----------------------------

“Alright, Gale. Just remember what we went over, stick to the main points. This is a good PR move, Athena and Sirilius are big names in the wizarding community so that comes with good patronage, people from all over Faerun will see it, the press will love it…all of that. If you need me to cut in, just say so.” Octavia hands Gale the folder he prepared to show Astarion his sister's notes. 

“I’ll be fine, Octavia. I’ve done these kinds of project proposals many times before, Astarion may look intimidating, but he's not. As long as I explain things succinctly, he’ll absolutely agree.” Gale puffs out his chest as he knocks on Astarion’s office door. 

They hear Astarion’s response and Gale opens the door. 

“Alright, Gale, what are you two planning that was so important that I meet with you after hours?” he asks from behind his massive wooden desk. 

Gale and Octavia sit down across from him, Gale places the folder on top of the desk and shakily opens it. He clears his throat and begins to speak.

“As our busy season comes to an end, the amount of patrons we're expected to have is going to dip significantly. I was thinking about ways we could have some sort of capital to keep the museum in the black until the next fundraiser.” Gale wavered a bit, before continuing on. 

“I was talking to my older sister Athena, and she's getting married-” 

“No.” Astarion cuts Gale off immediately. “Gale, I will not have my museum with very delicate and priceless items be put in harm's way just so your sister can have a party and brag about it.” He waves a hand and looks over to Octavia. “And you! You knew about this? Why didn't you say something earlier?” 

Octavia frowns, she couldn't believe the audacity of Astarion to disregard Gale so quickly. “Excuse me? This is a wonderful idea! If you didn't know, Gale’s sister is marrying into a prestigious wizarding family. They're loaded, and that means all their guests will be as well. This could be a huge opportunity for us to not only do this massive favor for Gale, but to raise the reputation and the possibility of potential donors for the museum! Think about it, Astarion. Think of the money.”  

Astarion folds his arms, leaning back into his chair. “Octavia, do you really think-” 

“No, you don't get to cut Gale off, shoot him down, and then think you can do the same to me. Hear him out, it's a good idea. I won't let you deny him this one favor. Not when he's done so much for the museum. This place wouldn't run half as smoothly as it doesn't if it wasn't for Gale. I’ll help and so will you, don't think you're getting out of this just because you're the boss.” Octavia passionately argues. She wants to help Gale and nothing, not even a patronizing vampire, can get in her way. 

Astarion sighs, “Fine, go on, Gale. Convince me it's not a giant mistake.” 

Gale looks between Astarion and Octavia, he stutters a bit before resuming, “Uh..Athena and Sirilius, her fiance and my..ahem..former friend, were wanting to get married and have their reception here.” He passed Astarion the folder, it was full of pictures, fabric samples, ideas, and countless notes about his sister's preferences and wants. 

Astarion’s forehead wrinkled as he went through the massive file, his face changed in expression as he flipped through it. 

“Your sister has questionable style, Gale. These dresses look like a bard that took up dressmaking and kept adding bells to everything. Gods, some of these are gaudy as hell.” Astarion remarks, eliciting a quiet giggle from Octavia and an irritated protest from Gale. 

“I will have you know, that her style is very much the same as every other woman in my family. Waterdhavian culture is a little more showy than some others in Faerun..my own mother had a cathedral style wedding veil that was covered in black pearls that were sourced from the seas of Waterdeep. We show our pride in our family by having heirlooms pinned to our clothing and having family help us prepare for the wedding. That's why Athena is asking me to do this, why it means so much to me, Astarion, please allow this. I’ll work seven days a week even though the museum is only open six. I’ll do your laundry. I’ll get you one of Grandfather Gale’s spell books from his time adventuring, whatever you want!” Gale was almost begging, he spoke quickly and desperately. 

Astarion could feel the love and obligation coming from Gale’s pleas. He may not like the request, but Gale is one of his most trusted friends. Besides, Gale doesn't ask for much. In the 8 years he's worked with Astarion, Gale has only taken a break once much to Astarion’s chagrin.

Astarion sighs and relents, “Fine.”

Gale’s jaw drops and Octavia’s eyes grow wide, both of them reply “What?!”

“Astarion, are you serious??” Gale breathes out, his eyes show the shock and relief build and crash, the tears begin to form behind them. “I can't believe this. I…I don't know what to say.”

“Start with thank you.” Octavia squeezes his shoulder, in a supportive and comforting touch.

“Yes, of course…thank you, Astarion. I'm so relieved that I can tell Athena that you approved of this! She's going to be so excited!” Gale was practically bouncing in his seat. Octavia and Astarion laughed at his giddiness. Gale inhaled sharply and laughed embarrassingly.

“Sorry, I’ve been worried about this for a minute. Thanks again, Astarion. Oh, and to you as well Octavia. Thank you for having my back.” He smiles, grabbing her hand, giving it an affirmative squeeze. He turns to Astarion and grabs the folder, but before he can pull it away, Astarion grabs his hand, staring him down.

“Hold on Gale. I have some conditions of my own. Go ahead and take your seat, please.” Astarion lets go of Gale’s hand and motions for him to take his seat.

Gale and Octavia shoot each other worried looks and then look back at Astarion. Who has his hands pressed together in front of his face. His eyes shift between Gale and Octavia, before he closes them and takes a sharp inhale.

“Condition one: I want to meet the couple. I need to know who they are, and why they insist on having their entire event here. We shall have dinner at the restaurant we had our last meeting, Gale. Let me know what date works for them.

Condition two: I want to join you and work on this together. Three people would be suitable for this type of event and while I trust the both of you, I feel like this will make things even and less stressful.

Condition three: I want to attend the wedding if I'm putting all this work into it. It's not fair that I'm letting you all use what I consider my home for a little party and not expect me to attend.

Condition four: I get final approval on what they wish to-”

“Absolutely not. You get to consult, but you don't have final say. Athena and Sirilius do. You are not the one getting married, Astarion.” Octavia sternly cuts him off, waving an angry finger in front of his face.

Astarion sulks, he didn't like giving up control, and this was going to be the ultimate test of that. He grumbles and lets out a low growl from the back of his throat. “Fine. But no one goes into the offices, basement, archives or galleries with delicate items or statues. No drinks near the paintings. Food outside ONLY.”

“Fine, you can put up ANY AND ALL safeguards to prevent people from going into places you don't want, Gale and I can assist you with that.” Octavia states firmly. She has had it with Astarion’s aggressive negotiations, if his plan was to barrel over Gale and pull some demeaning power play, he definitely underestimated Octavia’s tenacity.

The air between them felt heavy and electrified with Astarion and Octavia’s back and forth. “If I may cut in?” Gale’s soft voice called out from between the two.

Astarion and Octavia turn to Gale, both of their faces flushed and visibly irritated. “Go ahead, Gale, let's just finish this for tonight.” Astarion huffs, arms crossed defensively.

“My sister did write a note to me in the folder. May I read it to you both? I think this might ” Gale asks, unfolding a small piece of paper.

Astarion nods, motioning Gale to continue. Gale smiles and reads aloud.

“Hello little brother!!

I'm so excited that you actually want to help! Siri and I were just talking about how much we were hoping that you could assist us with this whole venue situation. To be honest with you, I can't think of a more perfect place for us to get married. Not only did Siri and I have our first real date there, but the gardens dedicated to the heroes would be the most fitting place for he and I to recite our vows. Right in front of Grandfather, as if he were giving us his blessing and favor for our new lives together. Write back as soon as you're done with your meeting. I’ve sent Archie along with Ellie, so you have no excuses.

Toodles, little bro!”

Gale folds the note and looks up, smiling with a giant grin. “She's going to be incredibly grateful for this, Astarion. You won't regret it. Now, if you two will excuse me, I have a very anxious bride to be to write back to. I will let you both know when she and Sirilius can meet up.” He gathers the folder once more, quickly exiting and leaving Astarion and Octavia alone.

The silence is awkward, they both stay in their seats not looking in each other's direction. Finally, Astarion is the one to break the moment.

“Well, if I say no now, I'll look like a heartless bastard won't I?” He produced a low groan as he laid back in his chair, draping his arms on either side of the armrests.

“Gale has been by your side for almost a decade. He’s given up so much of himself for this place. What he's asking for is not that much in comparison to what he's done for you and the museum.” Octavia flatly replies.

“Are you upset with me?” Astarion asks, his voice a mix of worry and slight annoyance, “Is it because I didn't say yes right away?”

Octavia stiffened a bit and looked away from Astarion, she fought every instinct to interrogate him about what she knew. She settles on a reasonable lie. Shaking her head, she begins to speak in a terse tone. “I can't believe you would question Gale, as if he wouldn't treat this place with the utmost respect?” she folds her arms and turns away from him.

Astarion frowns and gets up from his seat behind the desk. He walks over to Octavia’s side, and sits on the edge of the desk. This position was very reminiscent of their last argument. Octavia’s heart flutters a bit with anxiety, her knees buckle a bit with anticipation.

Astarion leans on the desk, placing his hands at his sides. He gazes down at Octavia with a softened look. “You’re right, but you have to understand. I’m not a terrible person. No matter what my standoffish attitude might tell you. I’m very protective of this place, it’s my home after all, so I hope that you understand if I get defensive.”

Octavia sighs. She couldn't mask her disappointment, but she understood. She quietly asks, “Can we raincheck the dinner tonight? I'm a bit tired from coming back after being away, I think I’d rather go home and turn in.” She turns her head down and looks away.

Astarion places his left hand on her chin and guides her head back. “Has something changed?” Octavia’s eyes meet his, he looks worried. She shifts a little in the chair. “No. Everything is fine.” Octavia replies with a small smile.

Astarion releases his hand from her chin, brings it down to her hand, pulling it close to his lips, and kisses it. “Glad to hear it. You had me worried, dear. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

Octavia bit her lip. I bet you said that to her too.

[youllallriseintheink]

The Bet

After losing a bet to Crispin, Drayton has to be nice to Kieran for a whole week. There's only so long this can go well.

After this, I'm finishing One For All, I promise. The fourth chapter is already over halfway done.

---

"Getting tired yet?" Crispin asked, a competitive gleam still in his eye.

"You wish," Drayton said casually, ignoring the tears stinging his eyes and the burning heat of his own breath.

"You're redder than a habanero pepper, and you're going down!" Crispin grinned and took a huge bite of the jalapeno and ghost pepper sandwich he'd made up for this bet. He'd made ten of them, and the two boys had already gone through three each. "Mmm," he Crispin, making a show of how little he was affected.

Drayton maintained lazy eye contact and stuffed another bite of his own sandwich into his burning mouth. Drayton didn't lose bets, and he wasn't about to start today- especially not with the high stakes. He swallowed as quickly as he could and started gagging on an unchewed strip of pepper that had gotten lodged in his throat.

Crispin giggled at Drayton's struggle. Then he realized Drayton was choking. He got up and started giving Drayton hard hits to the back, trying to help him out. In panic, Drayton grabbed the glass of milk on the table and downed half of it, managing to swallow the pepper.

"You okay?" Crispin asked.

"Yeah..." Drayton said, colour returning to his face.

"Well, I win!" Crispin announced, crossing his arms triumphantly.

"That doesn't count. I was choking."

"No, we shook on it- first person to give up or touch the glass of milk loses."

Drayton looked at the half-finished glass of milk and Crispin's unaffected face. He could either keep arguing with Crispin, or he could finish cooling off his mouth. Begrudgingly, he picked up the glass and downed it. "Yeah, you win," he admitted.

"And I'm not letting you off easily! You knew the rules: I lose, I have to ask Lacey out. You lose, you have to be nice to Kieran for a whole week!"

"Alright, geez. I was just trying to help you work up the nerve."

"And I appreciate it! But now, let's make up some rules for what being 'nice' means. I know you'll do the bare minimum if we don't."

"Fine. What are the rules?"

"Hmm..." Crispin put a finger to his lips and seemed to think it over. "You have to partner with him for the group project this week. And you have to invite him to sit with us at lunch. And you have to have him so convinced you're friends that he's willing to hang out with you outside of class. And no calling him ex-champion!"

"Got it. But only if after this week, you ask out Lacey. No excuses. Deal?"

"Deal. But if you don't uphold your side of the bet, I'm forcing another super-spicy sandwich down your throat, got it?"

"Sure, whatever."

-

Kieran had gotten his lunch from the cafeteria and was making his way back to his dorm room when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Kieran, come sit with us," Drayton said, giving him a winning grin.

Kieran looked back at the BB league's usual table, where Amarys and Lacey were chatting and Crispin was waving him over.

"Well... sure," Kieran replied, sounding guarded and a little confused.

Drayton walked him over to the table, where the boys ate in awkward silence as Lacey chattered over Iono's latest stream and Amarys watched it in content silence. Drayton focused on his taco salad. Sure, you could cut the awkwardness with a knife, but it wasn't his responsibility to fix it. If Crispin wanted to change the situation he'd created, he could go on ahead.

Tired of waiting, Crispin kicked Drayton's leg to get him moving. Drayton turned his eyes to Kieran. "Hey. We start a group project in terrarium class tomorrow. Wanna be partners?"

"Wha- uh, sure."

"Hey, you're the only one here who's in that class with me. Might as well do it with a friend, right?"

Kieran seemed taken aback. "Friends? Wowzers... I-I knew you guys had forgiven me, but I didn't know you'd be willing to be friends..."

It almost made Drayton feel guilty. Thankfully, as Drayton tried to figure out a response, Amarys took interest in the new face at their table.

“Kieran. I’ve been looking to test some supplements on a synthetic Pokémon. Would your porygon-Z be up to the task?”

“Sure!.”

“Thank you. Allow me to tell you the potential side effects,” Amarys continued, pulling out a notepad covered in small, neat text.

With a list like that, Drayton could enjoy the rest of his lunch period free from bet-related obligations. Thanks, Amarys. You really came in clutch, he thought.

-

The next morning, Kieran realized that partnering with the guy that never showed up to class might not have been his brightest move. Kieran checked his watch again as he leaned against the wall of the outdoor classroom. It was 9:30- thirty minutes from when the class had started and twenty minutes from when the other students had started on their assignments. Seeing the other students running around the lush environments battling and tossing their balls made Kieran downright twitchy. Maybe Drayton wasn’t going to show up and he should do this on his own. Maybe that had been Drayton's plan from the beginning.

Just as Kieran had left the classroom to get started on the project, he caught sight of Drayton and ran to him. "There you are. I thought I was gonna have to do this whole project by myself," Kieran snapped. "The assignment is to catch one Pokémon of each type and write a few sentences on why it's an exemplar of its type. Come on, let's go- the class is already halfway over." With that, Kieran turned his attention to the fields, looking around anxiously for his first catch.

"Relax," Drayton said. "Eighteen Pokémon in four eighty-minute classes isn't that much. Let's just take it easy and see what we can find, okay?"

"Oh. O-okay," Kieran replied, back turned. "S-sorry. I guess I'm not making the best new impression on you, huh?" All that nervous, angry energy probably reminded Drayton of Kieran's reign as champion. Not exactly what Kieran wanted now that Drayton was finally giving him a chance.

"Nope," Drayton stated. Drayton walked past Kieran, and Kieran followed along at his side in silence. After not too long, they passed a herd of executor. Drayton threw a quick ball at one of them as they passed, causing the others to take notice and shuffle away from the two humans. The quick ball shook three times, then clicked shut. "There's grass done," Drayton said, picking up the pokéball.

"...I don't know if that's a good representative," Kieran said after a little hesitation.

"Why? It's a tree. Can't get any more grass than that."

"I don't think that kind of logic will get us a good grade. Let's keep looking."

"Fine. What do you think our grass-type should be?"

"Follow me," Kieran proposed, taking off at a jog. Drayton ran after him. Not long after, Kieran slowed down and knelt at the outside of a forested area. It was time to show Drayton that he'd learned a few nice things about the terrarium and about Pokémon.

Inside the bush was a pond with dozens of bulbasaurs wading and sunning themselves on the rocks in the dappled light. Kieran carefully, quietly entered the bush and picked up one of the specimens on the rocks.

"I think this is the one," Kieran said as he stepped back into the sunlight, the bulbasaur held in both his hands. "Grass-types are super docile, even ones with other types that tend not to be. That can be our reasoning."

Drayton smiled as he looked down at the bright-eyed little frog. "Makes sense. I guess you would know, 'cause of your hydrapple."

"Yeah. And my shiftry back in Kitakami. It’s a dark-type. With grass, you can have an easy-to-train dragon, a kind dark-type, and even a nurturing poison-type. But they're not just softies, either. With a secondary type, they can be super strong and nasty, too! That’s why they’re my favourites.”

"Huh. Guess there’s a lot more to them than meets the eye. So, what type do you want to tackle next?"

"Hmm... dragon? We both like dragons. And you can choose the species this time."

"Sure. Let’s go catch something fierce.”

"Sounds good. I'm glad you came around to me."

By the end of the period, the two boys had caught a flygon, and a rhyhorn for ground type as well, leaving them only a little behind the expected pace. Drayton even promised to show up on time the next day. Maybe, Kieran thought, this really isn't some kind of trick.

-

The next day after class, Drayton asked Kieran to hang out. It was one of the requirements of the bet, after all. Drayton suggested they play some games in Kieran's dorm room. It would save him the work of cleaning his own room or having to pay for an outing. It was a sound plan, but once Drayton actually got there, well, he thanked Arceus that there was no requirement on how long they had to hang out. Kieran's game system was hilariously outdated, practically older than they were, and beside it was a stack of E-rated titles. Considering that Kieran's guardians didn't even allow him a phone, Drayton supposed he should have guessed.

"That's what we'll be playing?" Drayton asked, not bothering to hide the snideness in his voice.

Kieran looked away and played with a strand of his hair. "I know it's not exactly an impressive set-up. But a friend made a game for me that's pretty fun. Wanna try it?"

"Wait, made for you?"

"Yeah. Her name is Penny. She's a long-distance friend from Paldea, and she's like, super tech-savvy. I told her that this racing game reminded me of a carnival game from my hometown, and, well, she used some photos and tech wizardry to work her magic. It's nothing I understand, but it's pretty cool."

"Dang. Yeah, let's see."

Kieran popped the cartridge into the device and booted it up. The game was a simple race car type of deal that had been altered to make collecting items the objective instead of finishing first. The photos of balloon characters clashed horribly with the cartoonish style of the game, but hey, it was more than Drayton could have done.

Kieran set up a round for them. To none of Drayton's surprise, Kieran was great- almost good enough to keep up with him. He'd pegged Kieran as the type to have spent way too much of his time indoors in front of screens. By the way he was leaning forward in intense determination, he was competitive, too.

The round consisted of three laps. By lap two, Drayton had figured out the system- pop as many balloons as possible and deliver as many berries as you could. They didn't have to be the right ones and there was no benefit to being a team player. He'd lost points thinking there was, but maybe he could catch up.

At the end of the three laps, the points tallied up. They'd tied.

"Wowzers. You're good. And this is your first time! I wasn't expecting that." Kieran looked away, smiling awkwardly. "No offense."

"Well, I had to do something with my time in Unova, so I got pretty good.”

"Huh. I kind of figured that you were like, super popular and always going out, or something."

"Yeah, when I wasn't grounded."

Kieran laughed. "I thought being the grandson of a gym leader would be cool."

"You'd think. Anyhow, after we're done this, let's go to my room and I'll show you what actual video games are like."

"Sure! Can't wait."

The conversation died down as the two focused on a second round.

"Say... since you're so good at this... maybe you could join me for the festival? My grandparents said I could have someone over for it next year."

"Sure," Drayton said absentmindedly as he mashed buttons.

Kieran's face lit up like fireworks. "Oh my gosh, I've never had a friend to invite for this before! Uh, I mean, they've never been able to make it. Don't bail out on me for this, got it?"

It was only then that Drayton realized that he'd agreed to something way outside the requirements of the bet. But whatever. Drayton would find a way to let Kieran down gently later. Probably. He'd see- a festival could be fun and Kieran’s company hadn’t been the worst thing in the world. And there was one promise he would keep tonight, even if it meant leading Kieran into his disaster zone of a room.

“Ready to play some real games now?”

“You bet.”

-

Friday's lunch hour had finally arrived, and it was time for Crispin to uphold his part of the bet. He and Drayton were sitting at their usual cafeteria table, waiting for the others. Crispin was fidgeting with the buttons on his chef coat, uncharacteristically quiet.

"You know the rules," Drayton reminded him. "No wriggling out this time.”

Crispin nodded. "Well, at least Amarys is on that study date with Carmine, so there'll be less of an audience... Though I guess Kieran will be there since he sits with us every day now... so it's not really better at all, actually."

There was a pause before Crispin turned to Drayton with a competitive gleam in his eye. "Wait. Part of the deal was you had to hang out with Kieran outside of school. Did you?"

"Yup."

"Then prove it!"

"Matter of fact, I can," Dayton said, digging out the cartridge for Ogre Ousting out of his bag and slapping it down on the table. Unbeknownst to the two boys, Lacey and Kieran were approaching them from behind. "Kieran lent me this because he wants us to do the real thing together this Spring when he invites me over for his hometown's little festival. He’s that convinced that we’re friends."

“Wait. You agreed to go to his hometown? It’s starting to sound like you actually like him,” Crispin said, grinning.

Drayton flushed. “No, no, I only said yes to that because I kind of pitied him, ‘kay? I’m gonna find a way to let him down gently. Look, I did everything we agreed on for the bet. Now you gotta take your lumps for yours.”

Lacey dropped her lunch tray on the table, getting the boys’ attention. "You did what for a bet?" she all but yelled. "Manipulating someone into thinking they're your friend? That's just not right!" Lacey crossed her arms over herself in her trademark X as she stared daggers at the boys.

“I- I- we didn’t mean to hurt anybody!” Crispin protested. “It was just a punishment for Drayton! He wasn’t supposed to find out!”

“And I just wanted to give this fool the courage to ask you out,” Drayton added. That defense sounded weak to him before he even turned to Kieran, who was holding back tears and looking at Drayton in shocked betrayal.

"Guess I… I guess should've figured..." Kieran managed. Then he turned away and ran.

"Look what you did!" Lacey scolded. "He was finally comfortable enough to hang out with us, and now he probably thinks that me and Amarys are fake friends with him, too. Go apologize right now! And tell him he's still welcome to sit with us."

"Um, okay, but first, for the bet, I have to-” Crispin muttered.

"-You’re still talking about the bet? The answer's no until you apologize to Kieran and ask me out properly! Going out after you needed to catch someone in the crossfire to just to ask? It's just not-"

Drayton didn't have to be told twice. He got up and ran after Kieran before Lacey could finish her catchphrase and Crispin could respond with, "Wait, so it's yes once I do?"

Kieran was already out of sight, so Drayton started by looking in the most obvious place: Kieran's dorm room.

Drayton stopped in front of Kieran's door and considered his options. He could just go back and tell the others he'd apologized. Kieran was a master grudge-holder, so there was a good chance that the others would believe that Kieran was avoiding them in spite of an apology. But Drayton didn't want that. He took a deep breath and raised his fist to knock on the door.

The door opened violently before Drayton had even put his fist down. "What?" Kieran snapped, fists curled as he looked defiantly at Drayton. His puffy-from-crying eyes made the whole thing a whole lot less intimidating, and a boy three years younger and a foot shorter than Drayton wasn't all that scary to him to begin with.

"Hey. I'm sorry about the bet," Drayton started.

Kieran wiped away fresh tears. "Was Amarys in on it? I mean, Lacey wasn't, obviously..."

"It was just me and Crispin. And Crispin doesn't hate you, either. He just thought that being nice to you would be a punishment for me. That’s it.”

“Do you actually pity me that much?”

“If I did, would I have called you ‘ex-champion’ half a million times while your wounds were still fresh? No. I’m actually pretty jealous of you.”

Kieran looked at Drayton like he’d grown a second head. "You're jealous of me?"

"Well... yeah." Drayton took a big breath. "I'm a lazy screw-up. Everyone knows that. And I figure it's just my place, right? It's who I am. But then you come along and go from a nobody to the best trainer in the school in a semester. Yeah, you were killing yourself to do it, but it made me think... if I worked like that, no one would think of me as the lazy screw-up."

"Oh. I didn't know. I'm, uh, sorry about that." Kieran paused. "I'm jealous of you, too."

It didn't surprise Drayton at all that he was on the list of people an awkward, fragile boy with jealousy issues was jealous of, so he opted not to say anything and let Kieran keep talking.

"You don't have to even try to seem like you’re good enough. You just act like you are and you don’t need to do anything to feel like you deserve to. I wish I were like that."

“Heh. Yeah. Anyhow, I shouldn’t have used you for that stupid bet. It was wrong. Can you give me a chance to be your friend, for real this time? I actually do want to come with you to the festival, if you’ll still let me.”

“Well… if you actually want to…” Kieran looked away, playing with his hair as he seemed to consider that. “Yeah. Let’s be friends.”

[flower1622]

What the future can hold?

Chapter 43

Clarisse was starting to get worried. Percy and the kids didn't return. 

- I think I need to use the bathroom. I'll be back - Clarisse says.

- Alright! - Mary says and nods. Clarisse stands up and leaves. She goes to the bathroom and sees the same scene as Percy. She follows the drops of blood on the floor. She arrives in the forest and hears someone struggling. She runs to the sound direction and finds Percy under a monster. He was completely beaten up and his leg and arms were bleeding. Clarisse didn't think twice and jumps into the thing. They roll in the ground and stop next to a cliff. Clarisse starts punching "the thing" and continued fighting the monster, even when it cuts her leg pretty deep making it hurt a lot. The beast was on top of her now and Clarisse, while still fighting, looked at Percy. He was trying to get closer to them evenwounded. There was blood on his mouth. Clarisse smiled at him and right at that moment, Percy knew what Clarisse was about to do. She rolled the monster again pushing him out of the cliff, taking her with it. Clarisse tries to hold on to the cliff, but the thing still continues holding her leg and breaking it. Clarisse screams in pain. She moves her leg pretty hard, knocking the monster out of her body making it fall. Clarisse's hand was almost letting go, but Percy arrives on time and holds her hand.

- You have to let me go, Percy! - Clarisse says

- I can't - Percy says while he tries to hold on as much as he could. 

- You can. You have so much to live. Spend time with your mother, your sister and your friends. Maybe create a family in the future. Live a normal life as you always wanted - Clarisse says.

- Please, Clarisse. Stop saying all these things. Both of us are gonna leave out of here alive - Percy says desperate.

- We both know that is not the truth. You are weak, Percy. You can't hold on for too long....and I'm not Annabeth. If you fall, I'll never forgive you. Never. - Clarisse says angry.

- Please, don't say that, Clarisse - Percy says sad

- It's okay, Percy - Clarisse says trying to look optimist.

- No, don't be stupid Clarisse. You never ran away from a fight, so don't do it now - Percy says.

- I'm not running away. Sometimes there are things we can't win, Percy. Both of us are pretty bad hurt. We both lost many blood. We are out of strength here. If you don't let me go, we'll fall - Clarisse says.

- But I can't lose another friend - Percy says.

- But you'll have to...because life it's this...we are born, we grow up and die. You can't stay stuck in the past forever....I know it hurts. I lost Silena, remember? But I moved on...because that's what she would have wanted me to do....and right now, it's what I want you to do. You can't stop your life for a person...because maybe a future little girl is just waiting to be born....and you are the reason for it to happen.... Percy, if you wanna make me happy, just do it okay? Tell the people that I died fighting. Take care of yourself and your family. You may think you are alone in this world, but you are not...many people care about you and even admire you...trust me...when you were on missions, all the campers only talked about you and how you changed their lifes for better. They need you, Percy. Be their friend. Be their mentor. Be their ally. But the most important of all...just be yourself. Live the life you want now...because we never know the day of tomorrow - Clarisse says

- Clarisse... - Percy says.

- And please do me one last favor - Clarisse says

- What is it? - Percy asks.

- Take care of my mother and Matt. She will be so devastated with me gone...she is always alone by herself. She only has Matt as company...so could you visit her sometimes, please? - Clarisse says

- Of course I would visit her. I already consider her as my second mom. I'll try to keep her and Matt safe - Percy says

- Thanks. That means a lot to me - Clarisse says

- You don't need to thank me - Percy says.

- I know. But I wanted. You really are an awesome guy, did you know that? I'm grateful to meet you, Percy Jackson. But now you must go - Clarisse says.

- What? - Percy asks

- The kids are still in danger somewhere inside of this forest and they need you - Clarisse says.

- But I can't leave you - Percy says.

- Yes, you can. It"s too late for me anyways......Maybe, just maybe in other lifes....who knows right? - Clarisse says

- What? What are you talking about? - Percy asks.

- I love you, Jackson. Just continue being yourself, alright? - Clarisse says.

- What...? - Percy asks.

Clarisse shakes her hand, getting out of Percy's hold, and she falls.

- CLARISSE! - Percy screams and cries. He couldn't see Clarisse anymore because of the fog that was starting to form.

[hailey-murdock]

Lose you

Chapter 2

Paring: Matt Murdock x Fem!reader

Warnings:(for this entire series) Angst, death, illness, nightmare, established relationship, drinking, depression, use of pet names, fluff, implied smut, mentions of college Matt and reader(let me know if I missed something out)

Summary: Matt "the man without fear" may not after all be that. He fears he'll lose the person he most loves

Other characters: Foggy Nelson, Frank Castle

WC: 2.K

Tags: @little-miss-dilf-lover

A/N: Hello sweeties, I've decided to make a Matt Murdock series. There will be 4 chapters for this series. Grab tissues cause this shit is sad. (Reblogs, comment and likes are appreciated).

Matt wanted to keep holding you. He squeezed you as tightly as he could. He didn't want to let you go. He didn't ever want to lose you. You meant so much to him, and you were the most important person in the world to Matt. He never loved anyone more than he loved you. Matt sat with you on his lap and he continued squeezing your hand tighter.

"Matty, you remember how when we were in college we talked about having a home together?" 

"Yes. I remember that. We talked about our first apartment together". Matt couldn't help but smile at the thought of one day moving in together, getting married and maybe even starting a family. "Is that what you wanted to talk about? We're gonna do all that one day. We're going to get a great home together. I promise".

You tried to forget everything and smile for Matt. "Yeah it was special....we even talked about spending the rest of our lifes together once we got married".

"I want all of that. I want to spend my life with you. I want to share every experience with you. I wanna have a whole life together with you sweetheart. Matt didn't even want to let your hand go from his grip. He wanted to keep holding you forever in his arms.

Matt pressed his soft pink lips against yours and held your jaw with one hand while the other was interlock with yours. "Are you feeling better? I'm here. You're safe. I'm always here".

Matt felt you nod slowly. "Yeah baby, I feel better now, thank you".

He smiled and gave you another gentle kiss. "You're the love of my life. And nothing in this world will change that. I love you. I love you so much. I'm here for you. I'm here always. And we'll never be alone again".

Matt hugged you even closer. He could sense and feel your beautiful face and your warm smile. He was lucky to have you. No matter what situation you guys were in, Matt would always feel lucky to have you by his side. Nothing could tear your love apart.

Four months passed by quickly and you're  still doing treatments. And in those four months Matt had been by your side the entire time. He brought you to all of your treatments every day. Matt was tired but he wanted to make sure that you didn't feel alone. Foggy would even help him out in the office, he knew that you needed Matt's support in moments like these and who was he to deny that. 

The last month Matt had felt very depressed. He was losing hope and he was struggling to stay strong for both himself and you. Your  cancer wasn't going away. Was this it? Was it your time already? No, that's impossible. That would never happen, right?

Matt tried to shake it all away as he sat next to you in the hospital bed. As much as he tried to stay hopeful for you, he couldn't help feeling terrified and scared every time he saw you. The doctor came into the room saying he had news for us.

"I'm deeply sorry but the cancer has spread out quickly and there's nothing we can do. We don't know how we didn't notice this before but in some cases this happens. I can tell you this, you have about 3-4 months left. I recommend you to spend time with family and friends and say your goodbyes. Once again, I'm truly sorry, I'll give you two a moment to process this".

Right after the doctor had told you that the cancer had spread out, your body went numb. Everything faded out, the only thing you could hear was your thoughts racing all over the place. How? Wasn't the treatment going well? It felt like your soul had left your body.

Matt started crying as the doctor left the room. His whole heart broke into pieces. He felt as if the whole world was crashing on him. This can't be happening. This isn't real. You weren't going to die. 

"No". Matt kept repeating. "No, no, no". This wasn't fair. Why you? Why not someone else? Anyone else? You deserved the entire world. You were the greatest person he ever met. You were beautiful, caring, strong, and you never hurt anyone. Why? Matt couldn't get through his head why a person so innocent was going through this.

After a few minutes the doctor returned to the room and  told us that you should do everything you've ever wanted to do in that time and he sent us home. You didn't trust your voice to say something to Matt. You didn't say anything to him after you had received the news. As You and Matt walked home, your silence was louder than anything. He held your hand and he just kept crying.

This wasn't fair. None of this was fair. It was your life. You deserved to live it. You didn't deserve to die so young. Life was so unfair, and so cruel. Was this a punishment from God to Matt for all the mistakes he's made in his life? If Matt wasn't going to hell, then is this his hell? To live without the woman he loved? Why did God have to be so cruel with him? After all Matt was his soldier, right? What did he do wrong? 

The both of you walked towards your apartment, which you both had bought right after you had found out you had cancer. Matt opened the door and helped you into your home. You guys went inside and he sat you down on the couch. 

"What do you want to do?"

You didn't respond and you just sat there numb. Matt just sat with you. He held you tight and kept crying. He didn't want to leave you alone. And he just didn't even want to think about what was happening. Matt was just so terrified and broken. He just tried to focus on feeling your heartbeat,  to focus on the positives. Matt didn't want to think about what the doctor had told you.

"You're strong, sweetheart. You're strong".

"I think I need to be alone for the rest of the day". You say to Matt as you get up to leave the apartment

Matt started to shake. He didn't want to lose you. But he could see that you wanted to be alone. You deserved to be alone. Matt wanted to give you the space and support you needed. "Alright."

He didn't want to leave you alone. But he could feel how much you needed to have some time to yourself.  "Please...you can let me know if you need anything and I'm always here. Okay? 

You nodded as you left the apartment to take a walk and you did for about an hour but after a while without realizing it, you were at a church.

You were never a religious person but once you stepped inside it was different. Of course you would go to mass with Matt on Sundays but mostly for him, not because you actually wanted to go and worship God. You went in front at the altar and prayed and prayed to god if there actually was one to save you from your misery and that if he didn't to, then just to take care of Matt once you were gone. 

After you were done with your prayers you talked with Father Lantom and after a few hours you went back to the apartment.

Matt was just sitting at the kitchen table, feeling depressed. He felt as if everything was crashing down. All he kept worrying about was losing you. You meant so much to him. Every day and every night, Matt  lived with the worry that he'd lose you. He would cry his eyes out and would just have panic attacks when it felt like it was getting worse.

After a couple of hours, he heard someone knocking the door and rushed over to open it and he was shocked to see you. "You're...you're back soon. Are you okay?"

"Yeah". You smiled softly at Matt since after going to church made you feel calm. "I'm okay, I just needed a bit of time to myself".

Matt put his hands on her shoulders and he smiled back at her, feeling glad that she was alright and calm. "I'm glad you're okay. I was scared there for a moment. I'm just happy that you're back". He pulled you into an embrace and he felt calm as he felt the warmth of your body radiate onto him. 

Matt felt his heart warm as he took a moment to hear your heartbeat, feel you in his hands. To just be able to have you back with him.

"I love you so much. We'll get through this together. I'll be with you through it all. And I'll always be here. Always. You're strong, sweetheart. You're the strongest person I know".

A tear fell down your face at Matt's words. You didn't need super hearing to know if Matt's heart skipped after what he said to you, you knew he would never lie to you. "Okay now enough of this sad stuff, let's do something fun!". You didn't want to think any more of the inevitable, you needed to forget everything.

Matt smiled and he squeezed your hand.

"Yeah, you're right. My baby deserves to have some fun. Anything you want to do. I'm always here. I love you". He gave you a warm smile. Matt wanted to make you feel good in any way he could. He wanted to lift up your spirits. He wanted to just do whatever would make you happy.

"You know what's something I've realized that we haven't done in quite a while Matty?" You say in a teasing voice and Matt could feel the smirk on your face.

"What's that sweetheart?" Matt looked at you with curious eyes. He didn't know for sure what you wanted. But he couldn't just sit h

there. So he raised his eyebrows, Matt shook his head and he gave you an excited look.

"What is it, love? Tell me". 

Matt lowered his head down with a look of hope and love on his face. Hewanted to make you tell him whatever you wanted to ask. And he was ready to agree to anything that you wanted. Matt put his arms around your waist and he kissed your cheek.

"We haven't made love to each other Matt. We both love each other deeply but tonight I want to show you how much I love you". It was a need to show Matt how much you appreciated everything he had done the last few months for you. You loved Matt and you would always love him.

"You're right sweetheart, I haven't shown you properly recently my love towards you. But don't worry, I plan to make my best girl feel good tonight. I want to give you all of me. You were made for me. I just wanna love you forever. P-please let me show you". Matt usually never begged in the bedroom but this time was different. The circumstances had changed and it had been a while since the two of you had sex. And he planned on making this night one of the best nights of your life. 

Matt knew in the back of his head that before what was to come, he was gonna marry you. Matt was going to keep his promise that he made to you back in college, marry you. Until death did you apart.

Matt's hands roamed to your waist, gripping softly but yet firm your hips, as his lips met yours. He felt the softness of your sweet hands go to his neck and jaw as the kiss you shared was filled with love, happiness, passion and desire. The next thing you know is that the both of you somehow made it to your shared bedroom with your clothes on the floor and small whimpers and whines filled the bedroom. All that mattered was you, Matt and your love.

Previous: Chapter 1 | Next

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Spiderwebs Part 748

Okay Toei, I forgot about this one being on y'all and it is a dope addition. Cavendish has cutouts of adoring fans if none are around. He needs them, he has a condition. A condition I find hilarious. This specific moment is where I want to end this series on and thankfully Cabbage gets a little more love as a key lead-in. Remember the idea is early Dressrosa & where it breaks down is the biggest example of what the Straw Hats lack going forward. Cavendish is a great example of who works well as a counter...but he's just too damn annoying to be more than the star of the Grand Fleet. Yes, the fact he has a foil dynamic with an adoring fanboy is certainly relevant when compared to a later renowned beauty with a demon alter ego.

This anime addition is bolstering an interesting scene in Dressrosa, 748 is kind of an internal story that serves as a transition for Luffy & Zoro but also reinforces this overall idea. Like, it comes in later but echoes some of those early ideas. That's what I wanna look at, from the perspective this chapter is where we really see the idea of a Grand Fleet start to form:

You probably remember this gag well. A bunch of the future GF captains badger Luffy about how they're all going to kick the shit out of Doflamingo. But looking back there are some more interesting scenes. The first is this. Because fame is an important context when we talk themes that come up later in Wano. It's telling Luffy doesn't really even get what Cavendish is on about here. Remember this is between Jinbei struggling to get Luffy to understand this concept and Wano showing him get it; you're a famous figure now and that will influence how you got about things. See Lucy in the Colosseum.

Cabbage is a great example of how fame can net you enemies through no fault of your own. But it isn't just him. This segment is interesting because its a lot of future Grand Fleet captains coming together. You could argue this is a key moment where the Fleet forms, and fittingly for my bullshit it's also a big place where you see how rowdy and prone to infighting the group can be. An early example that they don't always listen to Luffy well. Even Zoro tries and fails to craft a sensible plan. That plus what prompts this meeting already is a pretty damn cool coincidence to have 200 chapters before the big reveal for Kiku in Udon.

Luffy and Zoro get tossed down because of losing their shit at Pica's voice. Which is objectively hilarious. But actually stop and think beyond the gag. Losing their composure for a bit had big consequences, the scene pushes that angle. It delayed them and Pica's rampage contributes a lot to Dressrosa's destruction. This is an idea that'll come up in the fight too; Doflamingo tries to taunt Law about Corazon and remarks that he's matured when it doesn't work. Kaido tries another version that does work on Luffy by being silly and flirty in a dire moment.

Part of why I find the trans reveal for Kiku in Udon as interesting. Chopper's one thing but getting bogged down in a big conversation about that right at that moment wouldn't just piss off our beloved Crane Wife and made her (metaphorically) fly away, it could have jeopardized the whole capture of the prison. They needed to act fast to keep the report from getting out. You know, pulling a Doflamingo and giving a fake one.

Where this all comes together for me though isn't the coincidence with a chapter number...it's the title. Ore no Onagaeshi or "I'm Returning the Favor" like what the future captains are shouting as they all come together. Of course, that's interesting in light of the lil bookend we have around Bakura Town. 913's Tsuru no Onageshi and it's folklore allusion that casts a long shadow over Kiku's story followed by 918's Luffytaro Returns the Favor.

Of course, the story of Luffy, Zoro, and a strange new girl making everything in Wano more complicated because they had to save a little girl and dole out vigilante justice. It was still a much more orderly type of chicanery even if Law griped about it. Seriously though, this segment does use a lot of the same concepts and it's cool how it all comes together around someone who impresses Luffy at least would theoretically be good at keeping that group of ruffians in line.

[mmx-code-crimpphire]

Headcanon - Xev and Axl headcanoned as autistic

AND A LITTLE MORE ON AXL IN THIS!!

I'm struggling coming up with headcanons lately and wanna write other things, so I might stop for a little bit after this one. My backlog of headcanons are a little short right now, esp ones that aren't spoiler heavy, so I'll stop for the moment and focus on writing other fics

Once I'll have more headcanons, you'll know when I post a new one!! Especially the world building headcanons when I write more for the towns!! I might post something I'm planning on writing today which I can finally post a new series on AO3 I've been meaning to make for the past few years!! I'm excited!!

Anyway, have this lengthy headcanon I have a lot of thoughts on~

Half a headcanon for Axl and half not for X just yet, I’m still deciding but

I wanted to talk about this primarily because I wanted some characters I can relate to in regards to this topic. Plus, either one has tendencies in one having the potential and the other having that kind of vibe period. At least to me, in most regards.

NEW CHAPTER ON AO3

I pretty much viewed Axl mostly with the autism I had in mind. Pretty much similar abilities and disabilities to mine- basically kinda projecting from this character but also making him his own, pretty much canon in his own right, and also kinda tweaking him to what I personally view him as.

We all know Axl is the young and ambitious but risk taking and noble hunter we've known up to X8. But that's basically all we know about him. I'll touch on his backstory sometime when I finally start the bio series for these characters.

But point is, that's all we know, and we don't have anything else to go off of except for our headcanons of him and depict it best we can from the source material. And this is my take on him besides the autism headcanon: He's a young adult and very ambitious, but from what he's learned from Red himself and his team of wannabe Maverick Hunters, he learns to adapt to his delta nano powers, gain close friendships and learn what his goal and purpose would be in life. Especially after certain events in his life that change it drastically. One that brings him into Red Alert into the first place, and years later after something happens to his found family.

He had to rush to the Maverick Hunters and rush for help in a panic when he couldn't face whatever was happening, and he was torn apart until he got to meet X and Zero in person. Except they're going through something themselves that he eventually had to get into the middle of. Especially bonding with Zero and trying to talk to X, which doesn't work.

Basically kind of a reverse scenario with Iris talking to Xev while Axl talks to Zero more in depth. And I do mean the key words being "kind of". Since Zero briefly talked to Iris, and he didn't need much talking to, for Xev, he needed budging. Whereas with Zero and Axl, he definitely needed that push as well down that time in the main story.

And he helps bring X and Zero back to their realities they needed to face and they, of course, face the big baddie head on. Which won't be Sigma, but I won't spoil who else ;3. Especially after this, he starts gaining a heart of gold and has another found family he can protect once he takes his powers and training more seriously. So he won't lose that second found family like he did his previous one.

Anyway, yeah that's what his general character is like in the AU, now for the Autistic headcanon. I don't know exactly where I got it from, other than I KNEW he had the vibes for it. So I slowly implemented what he would want as a stimulant, what he hyper focuses on, what his hyper fixations will be, what his sensory issues are, etc.

To which, I list that he stims with rubbing his thumbs, squishing things, vocal stimming and rocking. Either in a rocking chair or swinging. He gets a swing later on when his autism is being made more aware of in Hunter Base. He hyper focuses on what he vibes with and what he wants to do in that moment.

Anyway, what his hyper fixations/special interests would be, is he would wanna write music and play on his electric guitar. He loves stimming to softly playing and hearing the electric chords, btw. He loves doing it. He also hyper fixates on German Rock and hard rock from the 80s. Such as Def Leppard. he's a HUUUUUGE fan. Rick Savage, the late Steve Clark, and Joe Elliot are his favorite band members. He feels connected to them, and sometimes feels sad that he can't meet them, being he's in 21XX/22XX, and they're all long dead by then. Unless someone makes reploids out of them if their minds are preserved in data ;3. But, continuing on, he is OBSESSED with music theory and wants to write his own songs. Zero wants to write songs and has music theory down to an absolute tee- however, he won't know how to condense his deep love and feelings for Xev. He asks Axl for help, and they both collab and write a song together, which helps Zero gain an extra boost of experience in writing songs, which gives him the chance to write another song condensing his feelings for Xev for their wedding by writing "Only One Blue Jay in the Sky". What they both write together is called "Bird Wings Glide".

I’ll probably make another headcanon when I get the details down on the songwriting process of the two and Zero’s feelings and possibly the lyrics to what they’d be like in another post, maybe.

Another special interest he has is squishies. He loves to squish things, as stated previously, and squishies are his number 1 go to for that. He also loves pushing buttons or tapping on things. Especially when he loves making certain noises that tickle his neurodivergent A-Chip. He also loves remaking them. Repurposing them into something and making them into his own style he loves to make into art. Yeah, if you couldn't tell, Axl actually loves watching Moriah Elizabeth on Youtube lol. Don't worry about if youtube's still a thing or not, idk if I wanna figure that out for the AU at all yet lmao.

His sensory issues would be with smell and texture from coconuts, human bones (like basically touching them, especially the marrow), soapy water with grease, seeds in jam (yes, I said jam, not jelly), large crowds (especially when they touch him unprompted), sitting still without able to stim at all (I'm debating on headcannoning him with ADHD as well, haven’t decided yet), textures that feel rough (in his words, "icky", which I feel that, man) when rubbed the opposite direction of a texture he loves feeling. It's a very complicated one we both feel tbh haha

Anyway, that's all I can name at the top of my head, I'll probably make a list specifically to both his and Xev's things they have troubles with.

Which, speaking of Xev, it's still a more up in the air kind of thing, since I'm still not sure. This headcanon kind of spurs from a friend's headcanon I got from, @curtashiism specifically. They had an X that was headcanoned autistic and I really liked it cuz he had the potential to have autism, and it made the most sense to me so I figured I'd think about if I wanted the same thing for mine.

But I'm still unsure about it, really, even if I'm leaning towards wanting to do it. So, if I ever fully decide to go that route, I'll post the list of stuff he has trouble with, as well as his strengths in terms of what he loves doing, etc.

I hope y'all liked this post/chapter and felt connected in some way, cuz I def sure do~. Anyway, that's it!! Hope this was also a fascinating read~.

[sopebubbles]

Hi, silent reader here, sorry I don’t like your post that often.

I love the way you write I never thought that I’ll be reading anything omegaverse related, it just wasn’t my thing and here I am totally invested in lone wolf I think is just that I really like your writing and your histories. I’ve been trying to not to read the updates just so I can have more to read but I can’t help myself. I read from 1 to 10 (again) so I can enjoy chapter 11 better and I just wanna say it totally works, the chapter where oc is not mentioned that much and how we can get to know each and every character I don’t think it’s too much or to little of them (I just wish the chapters were longer)

I love little pack and I can’t wait for the development of their relationships with everyone. Also I wanna ask about Taehyung what accident is Yoongi talking about when he is saying how he fell for Jin, is it related to his nightmares?

Anyways sorry for the long ask and my not so great English, and thank you for writing

Aw that's so sweet 🥰 i totally get it! It was strange to me when i started reading onegaverse too, and tbh there are only a few that i do read. In really glad this one is one you like.

I'm thrilled that it feels cohesive from the beginning to now. Sometimes i have to go back and reread things I've written earlier so i don't lose track of things. I want all the characters to be the dimensional and not just around, but it's difficult to manage sometimes 😆. Sorry about the 'short' chapters. We're already over 70k words and that's already the length of a novel so it's crazy that you just read all that, but that's really nice to hear.

I love long asks! And i think your english is perfect. Thanks for writing 🥰

(Kinda spoilers below, the answer to Tae's past will be given a couple chapters from now)

As for Tae, he has two traumatic events in his past that cause his nightmares. The first is that his family died in a fire while he was away at college and he has struggled with a lot of survivor's guilt for that. The second is that while he was out doing street art alone one night he was attacked by a group of saps. It was more emotionally damaging than physically, but he's still afraid of leaving the house alone sometimes, and especially of going out at night.

[wannabemasterofwindintraining]

In loving memory

Chapter 4/?

(This a story about the events of Clay's death from Aaron's perspective)

"Clay, it's good to have you back"

It looks like Merlock's spell worked and Clay is normal again, still stone but at least he's not trying to kill us anymore

I have no idea what happened here but according to Lance Clay lost his memory and started calling himself "Calamity Clay" which is the funniest name I've ever heard I might start calling him that

The atmosphere finally feels lighter and even the people of Nothing Hill are happy, they're throwing a big celebration!

Oops I mean Stinkin' Rich And Happy Hill that's what they call it now, that's why there's a celebration! they're finally rich enough to buy their hill back

I know we went to the king's party not too long ago but I can't say no to parties, especially after all the crying we did last night

Besides we didn't have much fun at that party anyways, we can stay and enjoy the celebration a little

I don't even remember what I was worried about for the last few days, probably something stupid and not important

Everyone is smiling and laughing and eating uh whatever that thing is

I can even see Clay standing over there all happy, I should go talk to him haven't had the chance to in a while

"Yo wassup dude!"

"Aaron, hello!"

"How's my buddy 'Calamity Clay' doing"

"Oh gods Lance already told you didn't he"

"Yep and I'm never calling you anything else ever again"

"Great a new pet name"

"You got it Calamity dear"

I point finger guns at Clay and he giggles

I really missed his smile, I'm glad he's back

"So how were you doing when I was um you know dead? How did you manage leading the team?"

Oh right, that's what I was worried about

"Um, I was uh fine! Totally nailed it it was so easy"

"Oh great I struggled sometimes with leading the team and I was worried that it'd be the same for you"

"Pfft- you? Struggle? Yeah sure nice one Calamity"

"It's not a joke I'm serious being a leader is hard sometimes"

"Wait you're really serious? Like really actually for real?"

"Um yeah?"

"Huh"

I never knew Clay was capable of struggling at something

He always knew what to do I never even considered that he might feel like this

And he still did all of that while literally dying? man this guy's hardcore

But he should be able to take a break now that I'm leader right?

Or will he be leader again since he's back?

Should I ask him? But it'd look like I'm trying to dump my responsibility onto him I don't want Clay to think I can't handle leadership

Well, I can't but he doesn't need to know that!

Should I just assume that I'm still leader until he says otherwise?

Wait what if he decided to be leader again when he sees how much of an incompetent leader I am? That'd be even worse

Aaaaaa what do I say

"Hello? Aaron you still there??"

"What?"

"You zoned out are you ok? Is Something on your mind?"

"No, I'm fine don't worry"

I better change the subject before I start overthinking it

"Actually we ran into Jestro nearby I don't know what he's doing but he must be planning something"

"Jestro? We must stop him now-"

"Hey hey calm down dude these guys haven't had a chance to relax in a while we can stop Jestro after the celebration he can wait"

"...Alright we can stay a little longer but we have to stop Jestro as soon as possible"

Clay's being way more responsible than me right now what am I doing still being in charge

Damn it, I'm still overthinking it

.

.

.

.

Back at the fortress everyone is smiling and telling Clay how good it is to have him back

I missed this the sound of laughter the others' liveliness and everyone finally not being miserable for once

But I don't know how long it'll last Jestro is still out there with his mysterious evil plan

What if we lose someone again there certainly won't be any laughter after that

Man, why can't I just enjoy the moment? Do I have to make everything depressing?

"Hey, Aaron we're going to take Clay on a joyride wanna join?"

"Huh? Oh, no thanks I'm feeling a little tired"

Oh no why is Clay making that expression

"Aaron, are you ok? You seem a little down?"

"Yeah totally I'm o-"

"He's probably sad he's gonna have to sleep in his own bed again"

"SHUUSH!"

How does he know that?

"Wait what?"

"Yeah every night he sleeps in your bed"

"Hugging one of your shirts"

"Your room is basically his at that point"

"SHUT UP!"

How do they all know about this??

"Come on Aaron he's your boyfriend what are you getting embarrassed for"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

I can feel my face going red

"Well you can still sleep in my bed if you want it's not like I'll be using it anyways"

"OH MY GODS!"

I walk away Before anyone says another word

How do they even know that stuff? I made sure to always sleep after everyone and get up before them do they get up in the middle of the night just to watch me sleep? What else do they know? I can't have privacy here anymore

I hope their joyride makes them forget this we finally got Clay back and then they embarrass me in front of him?

I thought we were friends! Not cool!

"Hey, Aaron!"

Oh no not Clay

"Aaron wait I wanna talk"

I take a deep breath trying to stop my face from being so red

"Oh yeah? Great I love talking my favourite activity which I like to do often yup nothing better than talking"

Now I'M embarrassing myself

"I'm sorry about the others they didn't mean to embarrass you I promise"

"I know I know I might be overreacting"

"Also I'm serious you can sleep in my bed if yo-"

"Get out of my face Calamity don't you have a joyride to get to??"

"Oh yeah well aren't you going?"

"Nah I told you I'm tired, break some stuff on my behalf won't ya?"

"I'll do my best"

"Come on dude you can't fuck up breaking stuff especially when you're made of stone"

"Alright Alright I'll break ONE thing for you"

"Thanks"

I turn around and head to my room

"Aaron!"

Welp gotta make a stop

"Yes?"

"I love you"

"Love you too Calamity"

Each of us goes on their way

I'd love to go joyriding too but my head is too busy overthinking stuff

I'm starting to get a headache I won't be having any fun like that

I feel like this is going to be a long day

.

.

.

.

I stand in the kitchen as chef Éclair watches me in horror

I don't know why he's so scared for I just put the coffee powder in my mug filled it with water from the sink and put it in the microwave I haven't burned anything

Yet

As soon as the microwave dings Éclair hands me the mug and pushes me out of the kitchen

"Go! I never wanna see you step foot here again! I CAN'T STAND WATCHING YOU MASSACRE MY EQUIPMENT AND INGREDIENTS LIKE THAT!"

Ok dude chill what did I even do? Can't a man get some coffee?

After some more scolding from the chef I head to the main room where I find Ava typing at her keyboard like always

Does she ever get up from that chair? She basically lives there

"Hey Ay whatcha doing"

"Trying to track down Jestro until the others are back, speaking of which why aren't you with them?"

"Oh you know though I might sit this one out"

"And what's that?"

She says pointing at my cup

"Coffee"

"Did you put some vodka shots in it or something?"

"What? No? It's just regular coffee"

"Wow who even are you?"

"What do mean??"

"The Aaron I know would rather have an energy drink instead of boring ol' coffee"

Well, maybe I'm not in an energy drink move? Maybe we ran out of energy drinks have you thought about that? Maybe I wanna try new stuff, Ava!

"You know what? I'm not gonna try to argue with you"

"Suit yourself, fake Aaron"

I go sit on the floor resting my back on Merlock's stand I'm sure he doesn't mind

Ava goes back to her keyboard I know she's doing a lot of work we couldn't have gotten that far without her but it all looks so boring

I can see Ava's point now, me? Watching her do work instead of going on a joyride with the others? Maybe she's right maybe I am a fake Aaron

Ava and Merlock keep talking about stuff with the castle's system and his digital memory or whatever I can't be bothered to pay attention

Luckily Robin comes back from who knows where he was

Finally! these guys are boring

"Hey, Aaron! I thought you went with the others?"

"Nah I'm still here"

"Aaron's been sitting around doing nothing and he's even drinking plain coffee"

"Woah! Who even are you?"

"That's what I said tell us where the real Aaron is you faker!"

"Yeah, he's gonna kick your butt once we find him!"

"Haha real funny you guys"

Robin sits on the ground next to me

"But seriously what's gotten into you? You're strange"

"Yeah yeah even I can't believe it but I guess being a leader changes you"

"If being leader did that to you then what about Caly what was he like before he became leader"

"Actually he was always like that it's kinda a him thing rather than a leader thing"

"Oh"

Robin thinks a little while I take a sip of coffee

"Wait so if I become a leader someday I'm gonna start acting like Clay too?"

"What do you mean 'too'? I'm not acting like Clay"

"Clay drinks coffee"

"Will you stop it with the coffee thing!"

I can't take it I get up

"I'm going to my room and I don't wanna talk with anyone until tomorrow"

"Sorry if I made you mad!"

"You're fine Robin don't worry about it"

I thought coffee was supposed to give me energy not make me even more tired

At least my head isn't hurting anymore

.

.

.

.

Drinking that coffee was a bad idea

I can't sleep now but I'm still too tired to get up and do something

If I don't find anything to do soon I might start thinking and I hate it when I do that!

It's not helping that the bed feels weird

Lance was right I am sad about not sleeping in Clay's bed maybe if I pretend it is his I might get some shut-eye

I hear knocking on the door who's annoying me in the middle of the night??

"I don't wanna talk to anyone right now!"

The door opens

"Wow even me? That's cold Aaron"

"Oh it's you done with your 2 hours of sleep"

"As a matter of fact yes! but that's not the point I just wanted to check in on you"

"You got out of bed to make sure I'm fine? Awww Calamity babe you didn't have to"

He sits next to me, I'd sit up too but I don't think I have the energy too

"What did you do while we were out?"

"Oh nothing much just sat around"

He looks at the empty mug on the table

"What were you drinking I didn't know you liked... mug drinks?"

"I'd rather not talk about it... anyways what did you break?"

"I broke a house window"

"Woah cool! What did the owner say? Did they chase after you?"

"Well no it was an abandoned house"

"Laaaaame"

"Hey you only asked me to break stuff you didn't specify what kind of stuff"

"Yeah fair"

We're both silent as Clay runs his fingers through my hair

"Can't sleep?"

"Yeah it may or may not have to do with that mysterious 'mug drink' I had"

"Well I'm done sleeping for the night so you can sleep in my be-"

"Oh my gods Calamity stop talking about that!"

"Come on do you want me to tuck you in and sing you a lullaby?"

"Woooow I can't believe you'd do such a wonderful thing for me I'm reaaaally flattered yes Calamity tuck me in, sing me a lullaby and give me a kiss on the forehead please"

"Wait really?"

"Sarcasm, Calamity. Sarcasm"

"Oh"

Clay leans in and kisses my forehand

"Well even if that was sarcasm I'd still kiss you anyways"

"Oh my gods I love you so much"

"Love you too"

Caly lays down next to me

"Well, would it make you feel better if I sleep with you?"

"And ruin your only 2 hours of sleep a day schedule? How could I!"

"Maybe I can make an exception for you"

"Yeah I'd really love that"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"No"

"Good"

Clay pulls me in for a hug

Hugging him feels so different now I mean yeah he's literally a rock but he moves around like normal I expected him to at least be a little warmer cause man I didn't know rocks were that cold

"Hey Clay?"

"Clay? Who's that I thought I was Calamity Caly now"

"Dude I'm trying to be serious right now"

"Heh ok ok what were you gonna say?"

"Maybe I wasn't so fine while you were gone"

"You don't say"

"Look I didn't wanna disappoint you so I said I was ok"

"Why would you ever disappoint me?"

"Clay I'm a horrible leader I couldn't even save a little town"

"Come on Aaron Macy told me about what happened in the castle you saved way more than that"

"But then I failed to save a single tiny town!"

I hide my face in his shoulder

"Clay I'm not the fearless knight you think I am"

"Aaron I didn't ask you to do this because you're fearless I asked you because you knew how to face those fears I know you have fears too in fact I know what's your biggest fear"

"Wait what? Really?:

"You're afraid of doing nothing"

"Am I?"

"Remember that time Jestro used our fears against us?"

"Yeah"

"After that Ava told us to stay still while she reboots the system and you ran off screaming"

"Oh must've blocked it out of my memory"

"I know you were a good leader Aaron the others told me all about it"

"..."

Maybe I should ask him now

"Clay?"

"Hm?"

"Now that you're back are you gonna be leader again?"

Clay is quiet was it a bad idea to ask?

"I don't think I can Jestro still thinks I'm on his side if I lead the team he'll know I'm not"

"Oh yeah makes sense"

"I'm gonna ask you to push through a little longer maybe until Jestro catches onto us"

"So what're you gonna do? Just keep hiding? He's probably looking for you right now"

"You know I think I might have a plan"

<

[satancopilotsmytardis]

7, 9, and 17!

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I like just being able to make something entirely with words! Whole worlds, histories, feelings! Just made out of strings of letters. I have always been a person who like making things, so writing is a wonderful way of doing so for me.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

I believe that the energy of living things must be changed in some fundamental way when it leaves the body and I believe that people may not fully understand that process. (I have no fucking clue but sometimes places do be 'spooky' in strange imperceptible ways and I'm open to the possibility that ghosts are the cause.)

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

I have. NINE current WIPS. Thankfully I can group up a good number of them.

I have a bunch of installments in the Mishap series that I'm working on which while looking like nothing more than PWPs, are actually a fun way of exploring emotional intimacy as much as physical intimacy because one of my favorite things to do is discuss the idea of BDSM as a way of exploring vulnerabilities that it might be uncomfortable or frightening to do in other settings.

There's also Bonded, which I am really struggling with. I started writing the series just because I was having fun playing with a lot of silly ideas, but Shattered is much more serious in tone and while I usually love that, and I have a full outline of Shattered as well as outlines for the next two installments as well, I just haven't found the joy in it that I did in the beginning. I really like how chapter 6 wraps up, and it's been torture trying to move on to chapter 7. I don't know when I'll get over that hump, but it's been 3 months and I still haven't managed it yet.

Tumblr prompts, going well enough. Taking this as an opportunity to just write fast(ish) snippets. I often really want to linger and show how relationships develop thoroughly because (and especially with ShigaDabiHawks) I need a believable progression to show how those character could have possibly ended up together when they're at odds with each other's goals. However, for these I'm just going ham and that's a nice little change of pace.

Stalling out on the original piece (shigadabi with the serial numbers filed off because I wanted to use an original fantasy setting I've used for other OC work). Having trouble balancing how to progress the plot without losing the spark between the two characters after a... disagreement.

The Hanahaki piece is my fucking baby right now. Feeling as good about this one as I did about Honeytrap and Grey Area. It's so achingly tender and I love it to absolute bits. I have one area that I'm still trying to make a decision on and thought that the tumblr prompts would be a good way to step back and give it some breathing room after banging out 27k for it in two days. I'm very excited about this one.

And last but not least, the Time Travel fic! I'm enjoying this one too but I'm thinking about it logistically right now and trying to decide if I'm going to make it a multi-chapter or not. I usually don't like to do that because I write very differently for a multi-chap than I do for a one-shot and I much prefer the style of writing for an insanely long one-shot than a multi-chap (yes this may be why Shattered is fucking me up so badly, also why I really hated Playing Favorites by the end), but I'm not sure if it would be too jarring to go from Hawks' POV to Dabi's after minimum of 12K in Hawks' POV, but I need some scenes to be from Dabi's so eeehhhh. I'll figure it out. I like this one, alternate timelines are always fun to play around with and the butterfly effect here is so fucking strong.

I think I'm going to be finishing the Tumblr prompts before going back to the Hanahaki fic, but we'll see! And this is all dependent on me not starting any more pieces in the meantime. Which. Oof.

Thanks for asking!

[sockmanners]

Sonic and the Eggman War, Chapter 12

"Crushed."

"Thanks for dropping me off Sonic!" Amy told him.

"No problem, just trying to help out." Sonic replied. He snickered a little, the hedgehog had never gotten time to talk to someone for so long, he didn't want to lose that connection to the world, so he asked for Amy's number covering his real intentions as "trying to keep her safe from anything else in the next couple of days." But in reality, Sonic just wanted someone to talk to. The next day was the same as usual, Sonic meditated, the reason why is that he felt horrible for what happened to tails, he blamed himself, and was angry at Robotnik for basically killing the only family he has in his life, he then was angry at the echidna clan for trying to train tails, which led him to meditation for his emotions. He never wanted to get mad at them, he realized he had anger issues and struggled with emotions as much as he struggled with guilt.

He kept thinking about Amy Rose, the girl he saves from the crazed gunman, he thought about her almost constantly. And then a call erupted from Sonic's phone, he picked it up and heard about a giant robot the size of a building and hung up seconds later.

"Knux, I'm headed downwards, you wanna come?" Sonic asked Knuckles, the son of Locke and the next protector of the master emerald.

"Nah, I still got some stuff to think about, you have fun though man." Knuckles replied.

"Alrighty then, later." Sonic said cheekily as he blasted off the island to Hill top.

Sonic already heard the robot from a mile away, he dashed towards it and ran upwards, downwards, and everywhere around the robot trying to see if it was E.G.G. tech, and it was.

The robot swatted at Sonic, but each time it tried, it's hands would get swatted back at it's head, Sonic tried getting people out of harm's way as rubble and debris rained from the street.

Then, he saw Amy. It was as if time had stopped dead in its tracks, he just stared at her, She was wearing mainly warm colors on her, she had a red jacket and baggy red pants with a white shirt. But what Sonic hadn't realized is that while he was looking at Amy, he was running towards the giant robot. Sonic then was swatted across the street, he was bruised from hitting the ground at a fast pace, but he then dashed towards Amy and picked her up and ran towards a safe spot.

"Are you okay?" Asked Amy

"Yeah, I'm fine, just got distracted." Sonic said nervously, "hey, your hair is different." He then added.

"Oh, this? It's nothing, I just liked the way your hair looked, so I copied it a little." Amy replied.

"I like it."

"Thank you."

Sonic dropped up Amy at a mall where he put the rest of the people he saved were.

"Anyways, I gotta go break that bot." Sonic told Amy.

"Are you sure you can do this by yourself? I can call the hilltop guardians." Amy asked Sonic.

"The guards are way too weak for this guy, and I can fight pretty girl- pretty good! I fight good.." Sonic stuttered out. He then blasted off in determination and in a little bit of embarrassment.

He got back to the block where the robot was, it was about to stomp on a building.

"HEY! OVER HERE!" Sonic yelled at the machine, and it looked back at him and started to walk towards him.

"YEAH! YOU WANT ME, COME GET ME!" Sonic charged at the robot, dashing up it's leg and then curling up into a ball to then spindash into the middle of the robot's body.

The robot then went limp, and Sonic was in some sort of room, with a green chaos emerald, and another jewel right beside it, both being held carefully on a pedestal. Sonic was confused and before he could take another step, a video started to play.

//JULY 11TH, 1993.//

"Hello? If you can hear me, then don't move, at least not yet." It was Robotnik, but smaller, and skinnier.

"If you're seeing this, the news has already told you I'm dead, but I'm not, I've been kept alive by some sort of energy that I've never heard of before. One thing I do know however is that I'm not of this world, or of this universe. By now, you're very aware of what I am, I am Eggman, or Dr. Ivo Robotnik. But the real me- the me you are speaking to, is not that man, from what I know the energy that has kept me alive is controlling me as well. But no matter what person you think I am, I want one simple thing, and that is to go home, but I can't do that without these." Robotnik shows the exact jewel that is in the left pedestal.

"What I'm going to do may seem evil, but it's the only way I'm going to survive, and the only way my people are going to survive. By now the energy has corrupted me, but I know you can do it, this operation has been passed down to you..

..Sonic."

The video turned off, Sonic sat there confused, what was he going to do?

Sonic grabbed both gems and dashed off into the city.

END OF CHAPTER 12

[caffeine-clouds]

Hi there, it's Carly again. I'm really sorry to do this, but I have to say it.

I really enjoyed Butterfly Effect when it started. While the story started off strong, the random romances and couples that were introduced later on ended up ruining the experience for me.

At the beginning, I was drawn in by the well-developed characters and the intriguing plot. The setting was also beautifully described, and I felt like I was transported into a completely different world. It was engaging and made it easy for me to get lost in the story.

However, as the story progressed, the introduction of random romantic relationships between characters felt forced and took away from the main plot. It seemed like you were trying to add unnecessary drama and conflict, which made the story feel disjointed and lost its focus. I couldn't help but feel like you were just trying to satisfy your own shipping of characters rather than focusing on what would serve the story best. It seemed like some of the romantic pairings were forced into the narrative without much thought, simply because you wanted them to be together.

The couples themselves also felt underdeveloped and lacked chemistry, making it difficult for me to care about their relationships. Instead of adding depth to the story, these romances distracted from the main plot and left me feeling unsatisfied with the overall experience.

As a reader, I wanted to be invested in the story and characters, not your personal preferences. Unfortunately, the random romances left me feeling like you were more concerned with your own satisfaction than the satisfaction of the readers.

Another issue that I had is the story is going on for too long. While the story started off strong, it's now dragging on, and I found myself losing interest.

The pacing of the story felt off, with too much time spent on minor details and not enough time devoted to the main plot. As a result, the story lost its momentum, and I found myself struggling to stay invested in the narrative. This also meant that some of the character arcs felt repetitive and predictable. There were times when I found myself wishing that the story would move on to something new, rather than revisiting the same conflicts and themes.

I still appreciate your creativity and the effort put into building the world and characters. I only wish that the random romances were not included and you just wrap it up already. Longer isn't better. All of this has ultimately took away from what could have been a great story.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be reading anymore.

Hey again Carly! Hooo boy a lot to address here but I'm trying not to think it over for way longer than necessary, so here goes: I feel like a lot of your criticisms are legitimate, some are more of a matter of opinion - and that's okay! Like, if you don't wanna read this fic anymore because it went in a direction you weren't a fan of - that's cool, and I'm glad you felt comfortable to voice your critiques. I'm at a point with this fic where I'm realising that yes, pacing has been an issue. Should have looked for ways to condense things down, but I wanted to flesh too many things out and include certain ideas and yada-yada - you get to 40 chapters and the true plot is only really kicking off now. Definitely a product of it being my first long fic and over the months I've been working on it - Ive learnt a lot and there are a lot of things that I would change that I can't exactly now because I'm at the point of no return now pfft. The romance being forced in favour over the plot is not a point I quite I agree with? I mean Sonknux has been there throughout the whole thing, Tangle's got a little crush on Whisper but it's not shown to be anything deep - and Shadow and Rouge's relationship is in a vague area. Those are the only three ships that I put in the Ao3 tags, no romances came out of nowhere I don't think because they're not really written as proper relationships yet. I wouldn't say they've been to much of a course of conflict either, more of an undercurrent. I feel like in the recent chapters where we had downtime on Angel Island after the previous arc - these relationships came to the forefront for a bit while I tried to give them development.

But hey - opinions are opinions! And you're entitled to yours! But I agree with you frankly that the pacing has been bad, and I'm sorry for that - sorry to my readers for that. I'm at a point where I'm not sure how I want to continue the fic (i know the general plot points but again, it's super long - how do I condense?) - whether I even try, or maybe tackle it some other time with a rewrite - I don't know. But it's definitely a symptom of my amateur ass taking on too big of a project that I should have probably held off on. Probably why working on other fics has sounded more appealing for me lately (which have considerably better pacing and much shorter length) But thank you for the support on this fic while you were here <3 hopefullly some of my other writing will be able to interest you some day :)

[wander-wren]

Ok, here goes! I wanna preface this by saying that I've been in a serious writing rut for like the past six months, to the point where I've pretty much given up on my WIPs. It's not that I don't want to write, or that I don't have ideas, but the actual work of sitting down and getting words on the page feels like pulling my own teeth out. So I'm conducting research on writers I admire to see if I can learn anything from their processes. And so, without further ado:

How long have you been writing?

Do you start out knowing what's gonna happen in the story, like with a plot chart and everything, or does the story take shape as you go along?

Do you write in big chunks or a little bit at a time?

How many drafts do you typically do? Is your first draft usually like word vomit or something a little more polished?

Do you have a beta reader?

What's your editing process like?

Is there a certain time or place where you prefer to write?

What do you consider the hardest part of writing?

Have you ever struggled with perfectionism in your writing? Do you have any tricks for bypassing that "EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT" wall in your brain and just get words on the page?

That was a lot lol. Of course you don't have to answer all of them, but any insight you're willing to give will be greatly appreciated!

Thank you very much <3

woo okay let’s tackle this!! under the cut bc Long. strap in folks

How Long Have You Been Writing?

in any shape or form: since maybe 6 years old? but i started writing fanfiction at 12, started getting serious about writing in general at 15, and threw myself full tilt into fanfic at 17, so currently i haven’t written original fiction Really since june. which is a complicated answer. you didn’t specify if this is about original stuff or fic, but i’ll try to answer from both perspectives bc my process for each is wildly different.

Plotter or Pantser?

for both original fiction and longfics, i’m solidly in the middle; i usually start with a list of things i want to happen, and i always need some idea of where i’m going to end, even if it changes later. from there, i start writing the first few chapters. when i feel like i have a more solid grasp of where i’m going, i outline chapter-by-chapter through one “section” of the story, however i define that. once im done that section, i outline again. this gives me a lot more freedom to change things as i go and adapt to new decisions i make. i also add random ideas to my masterlist of stuff that i might want to include further down the line as i go.

with oneshots i never, or almost never, have a plan beyond the premise/summary, so they frequently get away from me and do all kinds of random things.

Big Chunks or Little At a Time?

i’m gonna say big chunks? i have adhd so i frequently hyperfixate on my projects and can work on them for hours and hours on end, which i don’t exactly recommend, but it happens. at any given time i have a “main” wip or two that i work on pretty much daily, and then others scattered around that i might pick up for a few hours if i get bored. but i try to finish fics as fast as possible bc if i move on there’s a 50% chance i won’t come back, at least not for months.

How Many Drafts?

for fanfic? one. every once in a while if something is REALLY not working i’ll rewrite sections, so that’s like 1.5 drafts, but it’s free labor i do for fun so while i take pride in it and want it to be good, i’m not going to expend THAT much energy, yknow?

for original stuff, like if we’re talking novels…at least three drafts? i haven’t gotten that far with most of my projects so i’m still learning about myself, but my general process seems to be that the first draft is about getting the main story beats and the emotions down. my first draft is always very heavy on the angst and catharsis, sometimes overdramatically so, bc there’s less plot to hold it up. then my second draft is more about plot and realism and structure, but i tend to lose some emotions in trying to do that. my third draft is about combining the two and continuing to polish stories/characters. i haven’t written any fourth drafts, so i’m not sure whats beyond that.

and my first drafts tend to be very polished. i wrote a little rant explaining the history of that aspect of my writing not long ago, so i won’t get into it again. part of that is just how i’ve always been, part of it is practice. i do feel sometimes that i write pretty enough to cover up structural/realism/continuity issues, which can be frustrating when looking for critique from people who can’t see past it.

Beta Reader?

yes! i have a small group of writer friends that i share things with, but that is pretty much always for cheer-betaing and minor critiques unless i ask for actual criticism, which i only do with my original stuff when i get to the second/third draft, partly bc it’s not ready before then, and partly because it’s a lot of mental work for the other people. shoutout to my main bnha betas, @rangerlexi and @spacetime-enthusiast, who are, as i said, mainly cheer betas, tho mav is also my resident bakugo expert bc he’s very hard for me to write sometimes. getting better tho!

can’t recommend finding betas enough, even if just to cheer you on. hell, i can’t make promises about super long works or original fic, but i’m always down to read fanfiction. i don’t even bite, i swear. obligatory note that you do gotta trust ppl tho yada yada thieves exist and mean people exist etc etc

Editing Process?

for fanfic: typically i reread one or two times right away while all my thought processes are fresh in my head. i’ll make spot edits and add or delete things here and there. then depending on how impatient i am, i wait a day or a few to send it to my betas and/or reread and edit again myself. then i post and i’m done!

for original works: i don’t bother to edit first drafts, or even second drafts sometimes. when it’s time to prep for a second draft, i reread and make notes on what i want to keep and what i want to change, then use those notes to make my next skeletal outline. usually my stories change drastically from one draft to the next, but the last time i did a third draft, i wanted it to be pretty close to the structure of the second, so instead of outlining at all i just did splitscreen and wrote the whole third draft while looking at the second, sometimes basically retyping a page word for word, sometimes going “well, that chapter is pointless” and skipping it entirely. when it came to line editing, i used hemingway bc i don’t trust computers to do my editing, BUT the different colored highlights were helpful to break up the monotony. hemingway is a lot more focused on concise/readable sentences and cutting adverbs than anything else, which was good for me as an overwriter. i cut 22k words the last time i used it, from a 130k draft.

Best Time or Place?

not really? i write everywhere and constantly. the advice about finding your niche of productive time never seemed to work for me because, as long as i’m not blocked/stuck, i pretty much always kind of want to write.

Hardest Part?

DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS OH MY GOD IT’S THE WORST. sorry. i hate. doing that. becoming friends? becoming family? falling in love? god. kill me. i love all [thing] to lovers in reading but in writing i tend to drift toward best friends to lovers bc then it’s kind of close. i love writing about people in relationships, tension and banter and softness and fights, but getting there is so awful.

Are You a Perfectionist? Tips?

hm. gonna try to answer this honestly and in the least asshole-ish sounding way possible lmao.

i’m not really a perfectionist? not in writing, anyway, idk about other stuff. but also it’s just like…i know i’m good at what i do. not perfect—i can see flaws in things i wrote even a few months ago—but good. More Than Satisfactory. sometimes fics just don’t work and i abandon them, sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what i’m doing, but i’m not generally paralyzed by the need for anything to be perfect because i’m happy where i am?

that’s a hard mindset to get to, though. and you will for sure feel good about something and then dislike it in a few months or years. that’s just the nature of improving your craft. i think if i had any tips, though, i would say a few things.

watch this video essay, the whole thing but specifically 5:39-9:20. i love cj the x and i agree with many of his takes on art, so. some of his other essays might be helpful as well but that one i know talks specifically about perfectionism.

or if you don’t want to, just have this quote that melted my brain a little when i heard it. “perfectionism is not an inherently bad impulse. but you have to earn that. you don’t get to be a perfectionist if it is unproven up to this point if you can even make a thing.”

read bad stories. like genuinely i’m such a petty spiteful person oops so. i don’t really seek them out much but reading like, really really badly written work is like “well, if that’s the bar, at least i’ve cleared it.” obviously don’t go attacking creators or posting the work to make fun of it, but read it. maybe make notes of exactly why it’s bad for yourself, even, it might help you get better at identifying problems in your own work if you can figure out why things are bad beyond just “i don’t like it.” there, that sounds less mean, right?

just post your shit, tbh. put it out there. most people on the internet, in fandoms, they’re nice, if you curate your space properly. it’s a confidence boost! put something out there that’s less-than-perfect, get a couple of kudos and realize the world didn’t implode, and maybe, maybe it’ll be easier to start/finish next time.

you kinda just gotta accept that you need practice, my dude. like. you can’t closer to perfect without work!! we know this!! just do it. i know i just said to post things but also if you hate what you made no one!! else!! has!! to!! know!! it can be a secret. it’s okay. this coming from a chronic oversharer lol i have the worst time trying not to shove my stuff at people….which, actually, kinda worked better as motivation for me, bc i couldn’t share something unfinished, so i had to Do The Thing in order to get validation/feedback/critique like i wanted. so either way, whatever works better for you.

The End

so yeah, those are my answers, i guess? i hope that makes sense and helps and everything!! i’m really sorry you’re in a rut, that’s the worst. if you have any more questions or just wanna chat about what you’re writing feel free to come say hi again!

[jillvalcntines-archive]

5 SONG PAIRING PLAYLIST !!

i was tagged by @aartyom, @denerims & @arklay to make the five song playlist for a ship of mine! thank you so much, and i am so sorry this took me so long!

tagging: @mandalhoerian @aelyosos @girlbosselrond @cultistbase @morvaris && everyone who hasn't done and wants to do this !!

1. iris — DIAMANTHE & breaking benjamin

and i'd give up forever to touch you / 'cause i know that you feel me somehow / you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be / and i don't want to go home right now [...] and i don't want the world to see me / 'cause i don't think that they'd understand / when everythings' meant to be broken / i just want you to know who i am

Considering this song got out in the year they both met, and definitely won't have an official cameo in Saints & Sinners, it explains so well, how they think of each other and yet don't dare to go any further... first. especially carmen has a "people will keep on judging me for having belonged to umbrella... but you know who i truly am".

2. i'll be good — jaymes young

i thought i saw the devil this morning / looking in the mirror, drop of rum on my tongue / with the warning to help me see myself clearer / i never meant to start a fire / i never meant to make you bleed / i'll be a better man today / and i'll love the world, like i should / for all of the times that i never could

it's the song about the times they have both been depressed, lost hope and were about to give up, and yet kept going because of each other. "better man" in this context is meant as in human. the two last highlighted phrases are foreshadowing of what is to come or in one way, already happened, still i don't want to give away too many spoilers...

3. let me down slowly — alec benjamin & alessia cara

don't cut me down, throw me out, leave me here to waste / i once was a man/girl with dignity and grace / now i'm slipping through the cracks of your cold embrace [...] a little sympathy, i hope you can show me / if you wanna go then i'll be so lonely / if you're leaving baby let me down slowly

it's an overall song about how they are dealing with trauma and the emotional wounds over the years. carmen deals with depression and guilt mostly before raccoon city's destruction and "loses" most of her "dignity & grace", when she is at the low point shown in chapter one... chris goes through that during resident evil 6 and both of them think the other might leave, even though that would never be the case

4. someone to stay — vancouver sleep clinic

you were alone, left out in the cold / clinging to the ruin of your broken home / too lost and hurting to carry your load / we all need someone to hold / you've been fighting the memory, all on your own / nothing worsens, nothing grows / i know how it feels being by yourself in the rain / we all need someone to stay [...] will you fix me up? will you show me hope? / at the end of the day you were helpless / can you keep me close? can you love me most?

this song just screams another "getting over trauma together". you've been fighting the memory, all on your own actually shows how similiar carmen and chris are, because they don't share their trauma with anyone... at first, even not with each other, which is something they have to (re)learn over the years

5. chasing cars — tommee profitt & fleurie

we'll do it all, everything on our own / we don't need anything or anyone / if i lay here, if i just lay here / would you lie with me and just forget the world? / i don't quite know how to say how i feel / those three words are said too much, they're not enough [...] forget what we're told, before we get too old / show me a garden that's bursting into life / all that i am, all that i ever was / is here in your perfect eyes, they're all i can see

this is their ride or die song (no pun intended). those three words are said too much, they're not enough is 100% carmen's pov. carmen has a big problem with the infamous three words and struggles to say them to chris. not because she doesn't, but because she has kind of a phobia saying them, considering everyone she has told them died shortly after it. she was also never a very sentimental person, until chris came along. the last phrases perfectly shows how they both see each other.

you can find chris & carmen's playlist here, if you are interested!

[mayuyu-nezu]

Bustafellows!! Kansou log.

entry 1: 07/03/2024

Prologue - Chap 1

This post contains heavy spoilers about the game Bustafellows. It is basically me rambling about games. Read at your own risk.

Today I played bustafellows for the first time. I heard a lot of good things about it and it was 40% off on steam so I bought it.

The start menu was pretty cool, it looked like a futuristic control panel, maybe a hacker thing is involved in the story.

It was soooo confusing at first. I didn't know who was talking to who (because the mc voice was a male sob) and struggled for two hours to find the menu button.

The background art is beautiful with little animations to give life to it, and is pretty cool. The sound of the city is cool too. I don't really like the character art for male characters... but it's okay Yuru’s filter is on.

But then there are the back side sprites, it feels so weird. But then they do even weirder. You get to see the back of your character (the MC). It kinda feels like they are telling you you are only reading a story and the mc isn't you.

As for the first impression about the characters.....

Helvetica: The worst first meeting ever, I seriously don't like this guy. He gives scores to your face, plus overly friendly and touchy for a first meeting. 

The only positive point about him might be the fact he is straightforward and realistic? He will probably tell you everything he thinks about you without a filter. I don't hate him as a character but I'm not sure about dating him. He seems like a nice person to be friends with…

The hitman woman impersonation mission was kinda cool. And how his voice actor just change voice was really cool damn. (don’t know if the girl voice and his regular voice is done by the same person) 

Limbo: Such a cheeky brat at first then understood he was just the little brother of his family. A little bit too perfect? Kinda precious. But with chapter 1 he showed his reliable big bro side with a lot of money with the other brat (edie). He is actually really smart, not only lore wise. I like the fact they show how smart he actually is and didn't make him make stupid choices so far. I was moved when he was the first person to think about a solution to help us when we lose our apartment and gave us several viable solutions so fast. He is very reliable. Very precious with his sister. I wanna bully him so much. My third favorite so far.

Shu: He seems cool and dangerous at first but then you see how caring he is in his way uuuugghhhdgqqskdhsqgdj 

Like how he let Edie understand shooting on someone is a heavy burden to carry. He had so many ways to make him understand but he chose the most cruel, efficient but yet kind way. 

I bet the first person he had to kill was someone precious to him……. Sob… I really like his relationship with the other members, his tongue is so sharp but without ill intent just so full of sarcasm. I think his route will be perilous and we will be arguing with him the whole time, sob. My second favorite.

Mozu: Don't know much about him but he is my favorite so far. I love his voice so much!!! (fukuyama jun!) He is cute, has the weirdest humor. He seems like a very sensitive person. I want to know more about him… He is a mom, he cooks, he is pretty, a tsun or a kuu I don't know. Mommy. babu areuh. (IQ 2 Yuru)

Crow: I don't know what to say about him. He is a nice guy but he is so cringe…!! And screaming cherryboy!!! He is like a teenager!!! Kinda pure in his delusions!! But very considerate but he is a bit scary. It feels like he will be very scary if he gets angry I dunno… There always is darkness in hikikomori characters. Anyway, someone help him please and make him touch some grass and breathe some fresh air. He is like a shiba inu… (I don't really like shiba inus even if they are cute.) He feels a bit too immature. I might consider him like a little brother and no more. Sorry but you are my least favorite.

MC: She is the hero type character who just wants to save everyone. I don't really like this kind of character. but…! She is hard working and her will to find scoops over money is kinda lovable. I like her so far even though she tend to let her emotions overwhelm her actions despite being a journalist. I hope she was a bit more of an analytical/rational person. 

Sauli: Why isn't this fine wine romanceable cry? seriously more interested in him than Helvetica.

Valerie: Limbo's sister, I really like her! She is so proud of her little brother and is so supportive!! So precious, strong. And pretty!!

Luka: She is such a good friend. I love her. And she is pretty Badass too! I believe she has a crush on MC tho.

Alex: Very cute and a good boy.

Irina: A mysterious woman, I don’t know what her plan is but it feels like she has given up on living for some reason as if she is ready to throw her life away to save someone. 

Carmen: Damn pretty and cute. I love her. Her interactions with Alex are really adorable. She is like his mom or sister…

The story is pretty interesting so far and the side characters are very cool and have a lot of charm.

[pugwitharug]

Hello, I want to make a request, about some headcanon of the main 4 with an mc who is a very fragile health person since childhood and who is a very insecure person about his fragility since he feels that it is a burden and the main 4 they comfort you, I just want fluff your honor

Ohohohoho the honorable judge Puggo will grant your request! Or whatever lawyers say idk I'm not one

GN Reader, lots of comfort, I don't have the mental energy rn to put a whole story with each person so yeah, spoilers in Felix's section for Chapter...11? 12? The back end of it really

☠️Felix Iskander Escellun ☠️

His own mental health isn't the best (let's face it none of them are mentally stable) so he 100% understands the struggles of feeling like a burden

Especially if you're later in Felix's route where *SPOILERS* he loses his magic, he constantly talks about feeling useless and like a burden to everyone else trying to help

He takes the greatest care to make sure you know that you are not a burden and you will never be one

You made a small mistake and now you're spiralling? He's by your side, walking you through deep breathing and positive affirmations and pulling yourself up

He will never ever judge you for not being the epitome of mental health. I mean look at him, do you think he's a hypocrite?

Okay maybe he is sometimes but not in this sense!

Honestly the best out of the M4 at helping you lol, they try their best I swear

⚔️Anisa Anka⚔️

Okay if I had to rank them in order of actually knowing what to do, Anisa would be third

She's better for when you're desperately trying to hold back sobs in the middle of the night because your dumb brain makes you feel like shit and she catches you and holds you close and listens to you try to explain your feelings through a broken voice, less for everyday things

Like she'll try to distract your mind with a task to do but then you make one small mistake and you start spiraling and she's trying to fix it and you feel like even more of a burden and yeah it's not a good time for anyone

Her way of showing love is by giving gifts but it may or may not backfire so it's really a lot of trial and error

But she loves you so very much and she will do anything and everything to make sure you know that

🐱Sage Lesath🐱

He puts on a humongous bravado of this confident suave catman but in reality, he's pretty insecure, so he gets where you're coming from, at least a little bit

If you want some advice on how to look more confident, he's your guy! Though maybe you should go to Anisa as well cuz his version of confidence might not work for you

He's...kinda in a tough spot on bringing you along with bounties. If he brings you on bounties your anxiety might kick in and make you feel like a burden and make you spiral. If he doesn't bring you on bounties your anxiety might kick in and make you feel like a burden and make you spiral

Really between a rock and a hard place

But besides that, he's second to Felix in being helpful. He also knows what it feels like to be a burden, and he's always there for you and will encourage you to have better coping mechanisms for your anxiety

But please force him to do them with you cuz good god he needs it

🦌Rime Solano Varela🦌

Before he was brought back to life, he might be higher on this list, but now he's at the bottom

He really doesn't know how to help you, and on the inside that kills him. He knows he could be better, that he was better at emotions and other people, but now he's all fucked up

He'll always have an ear and a shoulder open for you, of course, but don't expect any wise words of advice

He'll definitely offer to kill someone if they're the source of your anxiety for the moment. Please don't let him

He'd try to distract you from your mind. I don't think he has that many funny stories left in his mind, but he'll use his magic! You wanna go ice skating in the middle of summer?

But he knows that might not be what you need, and might nudge you towards one of the others who can help you better

He really does want to try his best, but he's just...not the best equipped for the job