#and NOT EDITING

[pasiphile]

Ficlet prompt! The Locked Tomb. Gideon gets away and joins the Cohort. But it's not exactly all she'd hoped it would be. She doesn't actually miss the taunts of the Reverend Daughter, does she? Gross.

The food’s good.

The food’s good, and having non-geriatric company makes for a nice change, and Gideon’s fucking ace at sword practice and she gets high-fives after training and people laugh at her puns and she’s pretty sure that cute Fourth-house blonde is gonna ask her out on a date any time soon and it’s great, it’s everything she’d hoped for and more, and –

And every day she feels deeply, staggeringly lonely.

Space blinks back at her, forlornly, her own face – oddly bare without the paint, even though she hated it, even though she avoided wearing it every opportunity she got – staring back at her.

There was a bit at the end of every fantasy, where she got mentioned in dispatches, or got some kind of medal, and Her Royal Boniness would be there and grudgingly nod, or shake her hand, or even – in Gideon’s wildest and yuckiest dreams – smile with some sort proprietary pride.

But Gideon’s been in the Cohort for two months and it’s clear now that’s never gonna happen. As soon as basic training’s done they’re gonna send her to one of the colonies, and she’ll be literal light years removed from the Ninth. Even if, somehow, she’d perform some glorious feat that set her apart from the thousands of other soldiers, she’d never get close to orbit again.

And fuck knows Harrow would never leave her precious planet alone unattended.

And that should be a good thing, fucking hell, why is she moping about this? The Reverend Daughter hates her guts. Being away from her should feel like a release.

But it’s a familiar hate. A hate she grew up with.

“Hey Nav, coming? We’ve got a beer pong competition to win.”

“Yeah, sure. In a minute.”

There’s a rumour going around, of all the House Scions and their Cavs being called to some special meeting thing, and wouldn’t that be a rub. On the one hand she was loyal to the bone – hah – to their Kindly Prince, but on the other hand, to leave her House alone…

And it would be with Ortus at her side. Yuck.

Gideon closed her eyes, rubbed her face, for a moment let her thoughts wander. Imagined what it would be like to go in at Harrow’s side instead of Ortus, be her cavalier, challenge people to duels in name of the Ninth. Maybe then the Reverend Daughter would begrudgingly show her something more than outright contempt. Gideon would absolutely trash some jumped-up little Fifth House pampered Cav and Harrow would look on from the shadows, ominious in her ceremonial robes, the tiniest smile pulling at that thin line of a mouth –

Yeah, as if.

“Nav!”

“Yeah, I’m there.”

Gideon threw one more look at the porthole and space outside, full of promises and adventures that had lost their allure, black as the Reverend Daugher’s eyes…

Yeah, no, this was good. This had been the normal, healthy choice. Fuck Harrow and fuck the Ninth, she had an ensign to flirt with and beer pong to win. Besides…

Only a madman would have believed Harrow to ever regard her with anything but hate.

She pushed off and strode down the hallway, her boots clanging on the metal floor that seemed almost obscenely shiny compared to the Ninth rusty squalor, leaving behind dreams of black eyes and bone-ringed hands and gritting her teeth against the sharp pang of loss.

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

Fuck moon’s taking poison damage

[lennyjamin]

spoke deeply to me.

[coolerhope]

funniest fucking thing

[ninjasmudge]

worlds slowest fanfic author tries really really hard

[teaboot]

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[pkaykim]

Valentines gift for my girlfriend

Please don’t repost on other platforms!

[vimbry-moved]

[heartbreakincident]

nothing but respect for our troops (smut writers) but listen. i dont want to be the person to tell you this, but not every character is going to be a dom or a sub. some people. and i know this is hard to hear. but some people do have vanilla sex. and some of those people might even be The Character.

[wacklemons]

lets scream with mama

TERFS STOP INTERACTING WITH THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DONT LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DONT RESPECT TRANS WOMEN GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!!! PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!

[fivendandelions]

We finish this together.

[astronnova]

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[aropride]

lovely character. i need him to finally break down sobbing clutching his chest like it'll stop the pain crumpling to the floor begging God to either help him or let him die

[boltlightning]

not watching severance and succession means i log on the day after an episode and everyone is like SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEYRE SO INSANE FOR THIS and the image cited is a man in a suit standing still in an otherwise blank, fluorescently-lit hallway. i'm happy for you guys or sorry that happened

[mr-president]

johto pokemon vs pokemon from new york

bonus: that phenomenon where japanese tourists visit paris and have a breakdown bc of how shit it is