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n7punk · 1 year

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"As Many Lives As It Takes (To Be With You)" Fic Notes

After talking shit and increasing the chapter count like five times, AMLAIT is finally done at 13/5 chapters. You can maybe guess there’s a lot going on in these fic notes.

No playlist this time, I didn’t make one assuming it would be a quick fic and just listened to random shit, or watched baking videos, or put in earbuds and listened to silence when I had migraines.

Epilogue life:

So I pretty much put what would be this section in the fic’s actual epilogue, but Catra and Adora end up staying in the apartment for a while. After a couple months of living with a third wheel (who is more like the primary wheel they are tricycling considering who owns the place), it starts cramping on their couple moments. Adora gently prods Catra about the idea of getting their own place, which is an idea that takes several weeks to sink in before she’s willing to explore venturing beyond her safety bubble, but everything changed once and the world didn’t end, so she eventually decides she’s ready. Catra finally leaves that small room after four years. As scary as it is, it feels like the ultimate measure of her growth.

After a few years they move to the outskirts of Bright Moon when Adora switches hospitals, giving them a bit more air and the “best of both worlds” when it comes to being in the city but having a bit more of the freedom/relaxation from their childhood town back. They’re also closer to Thaymor which makes visiting a little easier, and closer to Glimbow and Scorfuma specifically, though they’re farther from some of their other friends.

They both learn to maintain their best friendships even not living together and they regularly visit Adora’s parents, though they never tell anyone else about Catra’s ability. Netossa seems like she suspects something at times, but she never directly implies or asks something, and whatever she suspects certainly couldn’t be the truth.

Chapter 1:

⦁ If you were expecting me to have ever forgotten that tweet ND made about Catra going through all nine of her lives over the course of She-ra and Adora healing her to reset them, then you’re wrong. In a way, this entire AU is ND’s fault. Did you think about that. I have No Responsibility for this.

⦁ Entrapta’s “nerd merchandise” is a premier ball from pokemon because for some reason that was the only thing I could picture for it. It’s not even a regular pokeball I don’t know why!! But that’s what they use.

⦁ Catra technically has binocular vision dysfunction in this due to her right eye being a little out of sync from her left.

⦁ Time paradox is, of course, a portal reference.

⦁ Entrapta’s blanket used to fall off her lap when she was working, which is how it ended up under the table the first few times, and then she noticed Catra balling up there and started leaving it there on purpose, even washing and rearranging it.

⦁ Entrapta’s room is always hot because of the equipment in it and the heat output from her computer and stuff. Luckily, all three occupants of the apartment like it when it’s warm.

Chapter 2:

⦁ Catra watching ice melt is a Booker reference. I love you Booker. But also a euphemism like “watching paint dry,” “watching grass grow,” etc.

⦁ The nightmares weren’t in the initial concept for the fic, but Entrapta helping Catra out with her “condition” was and I found they were a good way to showcase the backstory without actually showing flashbacks or having an entire prologue chapter of trauma after trauma that just would have felt miserable and spoiled everything.

⦁ Catra’s job isn’t necessarily real but is also heavily based on real things. Basically universities sometimes have special collections, archives, etc that are typically “open” during regular work hours, but only by appointment. They might have their own staff or just the librarians see to them. For this fic I basically made up something that might be real, where BMU also allows appointments after hours, but only from grad students, and then professors can come in after hours (or during hours) without appointment as long as there’s staff present. And of course they get away with that by hiring someone cheap so it doesn’t cost them a lot extra to keep it open. Catra has been paid more by other jobs, but she likes this one way better, and she doesn’t have a ton of money pressure living with Scorpia and Entrapta, so she’s planning to keep it. This is also heavily based on one of my first jobs where I did something similar for a university but it had nothing to do with collections or the library. Catra works the same hours I did then.

Chapter 3:

⦁ Bow would have offered Catra his own bed if he thought she would have taken it, but Entrapta — and Catra’s own reactions — made it pretty clear that she was going to make herself difficult to help, so he thought the couch might seem “less pitying,” but he didn’t account for the Adora factor. Everybody forgets about the Adora factor.

⦁ Scorpia mentioning “six years” immediately solidified in Adora’s subconscious that Catra’s injury was from the fall, which is why she jumped to saying she watched it happen. It didn’t even occur to Adora that Catra’s paralysis could have come from something other than the fall until she was in bed like two days later and thought, oh fuck, there could have been something worse.

⦁ Sneaking onto the school roof is the exact kind of shit Catra and Adora would do together, but since she was going up there to have A Moment™️ about one of her deaths, Catra wanted to be alone. It felt like this dark secret that she was harboring and would ruin her life at any moment.

Interlude:

⦁ “It helps a lot even without her talking back or looking at me” yeah sometimes Entrapta is listening and sometimes she isn’t even aware Scorpia is there. Scorpia can unload her whole problem, talk herself through a solution, say “Thanks!”, and then only after she has marched herself out of the room will Entrapta realize she has left and throw a goodbye through the door, still not looking away from her screens. The first time Catra witnesses this she immediately gets a clear picture of the apartment dynamic.

⦁ Catra wouldn’t say her name because it was part of her paranoia over being hunted down somehow.

⦁ “Maybe Scorpia isn’t used to people not immediately loving her.” Yeah could not be further from the truth she was kind of bullied in school, that’s how she and Entrapta became friends, because they were both bad at social cues and stuck together.

⦁ Obviously, Entrapta didn’t mean anything by her questions. When you don’t realize other people would treat someone differently over something, it can seem like innocent curiosity to ask about it. She learned very quickly after meeting Catra that those kinds of things have limits, it just wasn’t something that had come up in her life before and she hadn’t inferred it.

Chapter 4:

⦁ Honestly Adora had to have Mara as family to support her because any less and she might not have made it to be at all together after everything she thought happened with Catra.

⦁ Catra does wear her arm brace in other scenarios — when she’s going to be doing physical activity, for instance, though she might opt for a sling instead/in addition — but as far as wearing it while in the apartment, sleeping like that is the only one. The difficulty of putting it on by herself — and the pain of getting help — are why she almost never uses it, even though it would work for some (but not all) of the things the sling works for, and be less obtrusive too. That’s why Adora being able to help with it later is so helpful.

Chapter 5:

⦁ The thing Adora knows that Catra doesn’t is that she’s absolutely going to break and come back home with her, even if the driving thing was more up in the air.

⦁ I went back and forth on the language to use around Catra’s ears, specifically whether to refer to them as a pair or only reference her single fully-functional one. Ultimately I decided that Catra’s internal dialog would still think of it as her ears pinning back even if only one moves (at all for small movements, or all the way for larger). She spent her entire life thinking of them as a pair, and she can’t feel one not reacting, she just doesn’t feel anything over there, so she defaults to how she used to consider them unless she’s like, looking in the mirror and can see only one move. When it comes to other people addressing them, they see just one ear reacting for the most part and tend to refer to them singularly.

Chapter 6:

⦁ Scorpia got Adora’s number at the same event that she told her about arm-hugs, mostly to puff herself up when she realized Adora could pet Catra, however carefully.

⦁ Scorpia’s pillow said “Not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be ok” which just irritated Catra every time she saw it, so she hid it. She can’t throw it out because Scorpia’s moms are the ones who got it, but she can do her damnedest to never see it again. It mysteriously reappears when Scorpia is moving out so she can take the dumb thing with her.

⦁ Like every chapter I had a scene that I was like “this is the most fun to write, I love this so much” (which like… really awesome from a writing perspective!) and the cuddling scene was that one for this chapter. I thought it was going to be the phone call, but Adora’s determination to cuddle, her diagram, and Catra’s fluster were just so fun to work with.

Chapter 7:

⦁ Mara calls her loved ones dear because Razz always called her dearie.

⦁ Mara and Adora went all-in on the driving thing because they know Catra well and knows she needs an excuse, or at least an extra push, whenever it comes to emotional stuff like coming home.

⦁ Originally the phone calls were outlined to be one singular phone call, with Catra eventually getting comfortable enough to turn on the video as the call went on, but spreading it out made a little more sense. In the version where it was all one call, though, Catra admitted that she didn’t want them to see her face paralyzed and Adora asked Mara to tell Catra that she didn’t care about her ear. Another reason I cut it is because I decided Catra wasn’t self-conscious about that aspect of her injury.

⦁ Entrapta is thorough. There were two-three months there were she was tracking and timing just about every single thing Catra did inside the apartment. She had monitoring devices she didn’t realize her roommates would want to know about because it just seemed more effective to her than following Catra around all day. Her presence would have skewed the experiment. It’s creepy, but it all came from a place of love and wanting to build a better understanding of what could be effecting Catra’s situation.

⦁ The restraint it took for me to not make a joke about Entrapta knowing when Catra… “takes time for herself” was immense but I kept reminding myself it was a T fic.

⦁ “I was there two months ago” Ha, yeah, this is set in December and… The anniversary……. Adora needed to be home. Her moms are the only ones who can really comfort her when she’s like that.

⦁ Mara really wanted a kid, and Hope did too but less so, and she had a lot more Concerns about it. When they started looking into adoption and found a kid who was human (so Hope was confident they were informed on taking care of her) and had been an orphan for ten years, Mara couldn’t stand to leave her there. They hadn’t really been intending on getting an older kid (I mean, ten is not old, but in Hope’s head they were looking for a baby because typically you Acquire Child at babyhood so that must be how it works) but Adora being older was another thing that made Hope go okay, we can do this (she’s also, to be quite honest, not a fan of babies or very small children). What that meant in the end though was that Mara, in her older twenties, had much less of an age gap with Adora then would be typical. Hope is like six years older and so her age gap with Adora is less noticeably off.

I think it’s a faceblind thing, but I’m absolutely awful with ages. You could tell me Mara is supposed to be early 20s or late 30s and I would have no choice believe you. Regardless, I roughly place Mara somewhere around the 20-30 mark in the show and as having a more “big sister”-like relationship with Adora, so that’s how things got set up in this AU.

⦁ It’s “Bow’s” senior year because Glimmer is a year younger and Adora’s college education was kind of weird so she doesn’t really consider herself as having anything but a freshmen year. Maybe sophmore.

Chapter 8:

⦁ Catra has two bags while Adora has one for two reasons: 1) Adora still has some stuff at home and doesn’t need to bring as much, and 2) Catra’s second bag was mostly dedicated to her adaptive devices and hybrid shit since she knew she might need them for any stuff Adora wanted to do and she couldn’t borrow the shampoo already at the house.

⦁ Perfuma’s nature hike actually originated in this chapter and then I added it in to chapter 6 since I was far enough ahead in writing to do that. Before that the vibe was just “Well obviously Scorpia got Adora’s number from Perfuma at some point,” but this gave a more solid throughline on that. Their interaction at the nature hike is also what led to Scorpia starting to turn around on Adora until she tested her with the phone call.

⦁ The “look” that passed over Adora’s face when Catra joked that she didn’t remember getting tangled in the ribbon was her briefly worrying that Catra actually didn’t remember due to her supposed memory issues following the fall.

⦁ The school where Catra fell is loosely based on the random high school I took my SATs at, where it was actually four buildings with a courtyard and a quad between the buildings and various sports fields. Adora was walking on one of the paths circling one of the buildings when she saw Catra fall from the roof of another.

⦁ Adora mentions hospitals plural because she checked every single one it was even semi-plausible for Catra to be taken to, though there was only one that made sense since it was more than twenty minutes closer than the next one.

⦁ Adora has her childhood twin bed at home and at the apartment Catra has a double bed to give her enough room to comfortably position her arm without worry. It also helps when she does have a nightmare bad enough for her to move around, and when she’s having a day where her fear of falling is intense. She can tuck into the corner between the bed and the wall and know there’s no way she’s going over the edge.

⦁ This fic was supposed to be set nebulously in the fall until I had the Winterfest ideas and lined everything up to make it happen. It still worked out with it starting literally right after Catra’s birthday, but I went back and edited in a line referring to it later so it would build the time of year out better before it got to the Winterfest stuff. Of course, that only matters if you reread chapter 2 after I did it or started reading the fic later on, but it’s there for rereads, at least. It’s one of those unique things about fanfic and how you (typically) post it as you write it, which doesn’t allow for much in the way of second drafts. I really like that about fanfic because of how it forces you to work the limitation (and also I hate rewriting), but I always have more ideas while I’m writing so sometimes it can get in the way of something good.

⦁ The original title of this fic was “As Many Lives As It Takes (To Be With You Again)” but at some point between creating the document and posting the “Again” got dropped. This isn’t relevant to chapter 8, I just happened to notice it while typing the notes for it.

Chapter 9:

⦁ There was a lot more stuff about Catra learning to drive in this chapter initially, but I wasn’t happy with it and found I was skipping right past it when I was trying to reread/edit what was going on in the chapter, so for the final version I cut it. Some things though: Catra’s entire first day of driving didn’t even involve leaving park, it was mostly spent on figuring out how to manage her arm (in the end, putting it in the arm brace was the best way to keep it still and out of the way, even though that was difficult with Adora helping her instead of Entrapta) and stuff like hitting the turn signal with her pinky while turning the wheel. The first day where they actually drove in the street Adora came along — just for fun and not in case you have a panic attack, promise! — but was sworn to being silent in the backseat. That lasted until Mara said Catra was learning faster than Adora did.

⦁ Adora’s not a bad driver, she’s just an anxious one, partially due to Catra’s accident making her all too aware of the dangers. She spent high school watching Catra deal with her paralysis which supposedly came from the car accident, after all, so she tends to be a meek driver.

⦁ When Catra sees things she wasn’t able to IRL in her dreams, like when she sees parts of the incidents that she was actually dead/unconscious for… sometimes that’s accurate. And that’s all I’ll say.

⦁ The dent stuff… with the bumper… might or might not have been inspired by the movie Underdog……… It’s a very comedic origin for something that is so traumatic in the fic but like. I saw that movie as a kid and never forgot that part.

⦁ Entrapta 100% hacked the DMV and canceled someone else’s permit test so Catra could be fit in immediately, she just didn’t tell Catra that. Not that she’s hiding it, exactly, but volunteering that information? No.

⦁ Oh that phone call from Adora’s perspective. Adora basically didn’t know shit about what they did in the logs. She was horrified by what Catra described, but also a little confused, and maybe even put out. Catra had never told her even half the details it was clear Entrapta knew off the top of her head, and she made it sound like it was all very clear and she remembered every second of what she was awake for. Which, well, she did. Because her body was totally fine. Adora was ruffled by Entrapta’s “bedside manner”, and then she heard the hacking stuff which had her like, wait, what? because Catra had mentioned Entrapta was a professional white hat hacker before (sometimes. Sometimes black hat. Sometimes she does other stuff and invents a new programming language) but the whole “instantly pulling up results from the DMV thing” threw her. She was very attentive when Entrapta was running diagnostics and stuff because she didn’t know about things like Catra still being able to slightly twitch her fingers or shoulder sometimes.

⦁ Catra specifies not mocking Scorpia during romcoms because there is no way, ever, no matter what she owes, that she won’t make fun of the dumb romance movie stuff that happens, especially het nonsense when that applies.

⦁ Catra’s fosters did get her “Winterfest gifts” but they were things like clothes and school supplies she would need anyway, just maybe a little nicer or at least less generic than usual.

⦁ Time to talk about what everybody thought happened to Catra! Obviously, people at school decided Catra had died within the first few weeks. At that time, Adora decided Catra must be in a coma or suffering memory loss, maybe awake but not lucid. She thought Catra’s condition being unstable might be why no one would talk to her, but she told herself she couldn’t be dead because then they would just say that. The longer it went with everyone remaining tight-lipped, however, the worse things Adora began to believe. About a year in, she came to “accept” that Catra was dead — outright, or brain dead even if her body was still breathing. Mara and Hope also didn’t know why anyone would “cover up” what was supposedly a very public suicide, so they also believed Catra “survived,” but knowing how far she fell and how bad it must have been, they knew pretty much right away she was likely to be brain dead or not remember anything. They didn’t really ever say what they thought, though, mostly focusing on comforting Adora when she went through disaster scenarios and occasionally reluctantly admitting which they thought was most likely when she got too frantic to be calmed by anything but an answer. Each member of the trio had a different opinion (each of which was an option that everyone else had considered individually): Kyle believed Catra was severely injured and sent away to a rehab facility to recover and perhaps help her overcome her “suicidal tendencies” but was basically cut off from them by the system, Rogelio believed she was in a coma and if she ever woke suffered memory loss (explaining why she never contacted them), and Lonnie thought that she was straight up brain dead before they eventually pulled the plug. Catra’s foster parents, knowing she had run from the hospital, thought she was dead in a ditch somewhere and after a few months decided they were just never informed when she was found.

⦁ Yes it’s late for chestnut season. No I do not care. Chestnut season is a few weeks later in Etheria, okay.

⦁ Both Mara and Hope cook usually, but around holidays Mara takes charge and it’s family recipes 24/7. Mara probably would have baked a pie for the final day of Winterfest anyway, but it wouldn’t have been that one. That one is the most special.

Chapter 10:

⦁ Even if Catra didn’t need her hand for the VR game, Bow’s headset wouldn’t have fit over her ears. There are headsets that would work, just not the one Bow built. It wasn’t a concern for him at the time.

⦁ Glimmer is terrified of horror games for herself, but she seems to forget that literally every time and is always really excited to play, just remembering the adrenaline rush and thinking this time she’ll redeem herself and be totally cool and composed.

⦁ The horror game was going to be the latest Resident Evil DLC (for the Village? I think? Or like the sequel?) but then I was like damn. I don’t know if that’s in VR. But it was literally the only horror game I could think of at the moment despite liking (let’s plays) of them, so I kind of co-opted and mangled the mom-mannequin-dolls section of that.

⦁ The Star siblings were actually at the barbecue in my first draft but it made the scene too crowded when half the attendees already didn’t have speaking roles.

⦁ I kept trying to figure out where to fit in Adora’s school shit and it just never didn’t slow the scene down. I’m not sure it doesn’t here, either, but somewhere in the fic proper I wanted to mention why Adora and Catra never bumped into each other on campus. I had already decided Adora’s school worked out this way before I decided on Catra’s job, but that just made it relevant. Basically, Adora came to Bright Moon intending to get a four year degree and then go into nursing. Mara and Hope were supportive, but a little insistent she go to a four-year instead of a community college for nursing because then she could explore more. They just didn’t want her to fall too into the martyr shit without them there as a support system, but Adora thought they were lowkey hoping she’d change her mind and decide to become a doctor instead of “just” a nurse. Adora was roommates with Glimmer freshmen year and met a few of their eventual friend group there, which she always says made it all worth it, but university was a disaster for her. She would have rather drop dead from exhaustion than drop out, but that was looking increasingly likely as her mental health combined with ADHD to make her a disaster. Her grades weren’t good, she spent time crying in the study rooms at the library, it was a mess. Eventually Glimmer called Mara to make sure she knew just how bad it was for Adora since she knew by then she would play it down. They’d only been friends for a few months and she was definitely overstepping, but Adora’s moms made her talk it out and they decided she would transfer to Bright Moon’s community college, where she could take one less class a semester and graduate with what she needed after only three years of school overall. Adora still kind of felt like a failure, but Glimmer just happened to decide at the same time that the dorms were insufferable and hey, we know we make good roommates already, why don’t we get an apartment between our campuses together? And living with Glimmer meant seeing Bow a lot too, so Adora didn’t have to “lose” the two good friends she had made at uni so far when she left (something she was really worried about). Glimmer and Bow wouldn’t let her hide in a shame corner over “not being cut out for it” either so she still saw their other friends from campus and even made more via mutual friends, eventually ending up with their current friend group, the exceptions being the Star Siblings (from community college), Frosta (from across the streets), and Netossa/Spinnerella (from work, Adora met Netossa during the course of her med studies).

⦁ Adora spent like an hour agonizing over her outfit and asking Glimmer for help, insisting it was just because she wanted to look nice for her birthday and not because she was thinking of putting the moves on someone or wanted to impress them. She undid the top two buttons, and then Glimmer undid two more and called it perfect.

⦁ Hey, guess what, this chapter was supposed to cover twice as much as it did (shocker) and then they took too long making out (shocker) ¯_(ツ)_/¯ This is where I had to update the chapter count AGAIN and when I did that I went back and filled out the scene during the party, which was only written in summary until that point, because apparently I had the fucking room for it in that chapter since the real confession clearly wasn’t happening.

Chapter 11:

⦁ Entrapta is playing Monster Hunter in the first scene, because I’ve had single monster fights last 40 fucking minutes in that game before. I was actually going to make it vaguely be like, a Souls game or something, but then I was like no, Monster Hunter is more her speed, leading to the jokes about how long the fight is.

⦁ Catra’s arm pain is both psychological and magic. Obviously the mechanics of how it hurts without her having any feeling are magic, but the pain comes from her mental state. The more comfortable she is with someone’s touch and the more she trusts them, the less it hurts. It also ties to her general emotional turmoil, which is why it’s still bad when she remembers stressful things, when waking up from a nightmare, etc and why it caused her such pain that first moment Adora touched her.

⦁ Tapetum lucidum is the thing that makes cats eyes glow in the dark (among other creatures) when hit correctly with light. Melog’s was not being hit correctly with light. I refuse to explain Melog.

⦁ The start of Catra’s speech was once the start of the fic, but instead of her telling it to someone, it was just the narration (“It all starts when Catra is eleven and decides to run away to find Adora, but she doesn’t understand it until later. Actually, she never understands it, but the first death she could pretend was a fluke.”). When I had this idea, I started just kind of writing with the idea of well, let me do a few paragraphs on each death and see how I feel about that. I had a few false starts, and then I wrote that beginning bit of Catra’s speech, and then it cut to a new scene to talk about the car. That paragraph ended up being heavily edited down and used in the scene in chapter 9 where she talks about the nightmare. I decided to change direction on that because 1) it wasn’t good, 2) it was wallowing, and 3) I wasn’t actually intending to start the fic that way anyway, it was just so much in its infancy that I was testing some stuff out to see what the backstory was and where I wanted to take it. Because of that false start, though, I then had trouble tracking what had been revealed/implied throughout the fic when it came to the later-revealed deaths and their fallout.

Chapter 12:

⦁ Adora lowkey moved in on a temporary basis, she just needed to be around Catra very badly between the new couple and “died four times” things. She did end up going back to (mostly) sleeping at her place and Glimmer and Bow were very insistent on them spending time together too when she relaxed again.

⦁ I didn’t want to do anything above a T rating with this fic, really, but I did kind of want to make allusions to other ways disability can effect intimacy, hence the allusions to Catra needing toy assistance since her left hand just can’t manage it and her insecurities about “contributing” when it’s time.

⦁ Catra’s ability was so unbelievable and confusing that it wasn’t the kind of thing Adora could just instantly accept as fact and help her work through, so a “trailing” ending was necessary to show Adora coming to that place of total belief with time, and trying hard to support Catra while she did so. And of course I wanted them to get time being totally honest with each other. I had a lot of the ideas for the Scorpia stuff and such that I thought would just be in the “epilogue” part of the fic notes, but then I went no, you know what, this is Important to how I envision the end here, so I made it an actual part of the fic, similarly to how I did the third fic in the Greys/Waiting For My Spaceship To Come Back For Me series. Why am I mentioning that here? Because all of the epilogue stuff was supposed to be part of chapter 12 too and then of course that didn’t work out. And I had to update the chapter count. Again.

⦁ It was really important to me that Catra’s disability didn’t magically get better. The only thing that changed was it caused her less pain, and even that is person-dependent. Her muscle response gets slightly better — sometimes — but that isn’t enough to hold a pen or be useful. There are temporary disabilities, of course, but that wasn’t the kind I was trying to show here and a disability doesn’t have to “go away” to get a happy ending. Catra’s happy ending was finding peace and love despite the things that haunt her, and she can have all that while still being disabled, she can just get hugs from at least one person now. The original outline had a point where Catra began kneading with both hands while cuddling with Adora around when she told her the truth, but I decided that was too much of a miraculous recovery. Even the sudden squeezing of the ball was something I was iffy on, but that was truly a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so I kept it and portrayed it as such, editing the kneading thing down to just twitching, because I did think it was cute.

Chapter 13:

⦁ WAILMER PAIL

⦁ I know I’ve talked a lot about how this fic ballooned, but I haven’t had fun on a project like I did this one, and Hurricane Adora, and the other smaller fics I’ve done recently, in a long time. Let Me Ride too, to a lesser degree, but I haven’t really had a project just flow out and build like this in the last year. The big difference on those last two was I just… did what I wanted. Which I know sounds obvious, but I didn’t sit and try to plot out okay, what is the whole arc for this fic going to be, what do I need to get done to get there. I did that a decent amount of Let Me Ride, which is why it’s a halfway fic here (and look at that, written slower than the others), but for these two I went well, they’re short fics, I don’t need to worry about that stuff and I can just let loose. And then neither ended up anywhere near where I thought they would, and I had an absolute blast. It’s hard to describe, but I just had a lot of fun and felt very liberated with my fics recently. I think I was treating them too much like novels, if that makes sense, and honestly the word count speaks for itself. I wrote less in November AND December combined than I did in January alone (working on LMR + oneshots), and that’s half as much as I’ve written for March alone (February being closer to March’s word count). I had my 4th highest ever word count day (since I started recording them in 2021) on this project at over 8k (for those curious, my highest ever was 12k the day I pumped out most of MNoHL in one sitting). Anyway, it ran away from me, but I was more than happy to go along on the ride, even if the fic notes alone are 7k.

Adora Interludes:

So, this fic was entirely from Catra’s perspective. Which was for three reasons: 1) Adora’s POV has no place in the first two chapters so at that point I was pretty committed, 2) she’s the most interesting POV by far for this fic, and 3) I thought this fic would be short. I don’t normally do long fics from just one character’s perspective, and you’re about to see why, but I thought it was only going to be 20k which was a fine amount for one POV. The longest fic I’ve done from one perspective before this was ASDLM, depending how you want to count it, and even then I included five fucking interludes of Adora’s POV. I don’t usually use one character POV since I find it interesting to go back and forth, but also, it’s so hard to stick to one POV. The reunion happened and I wanted to write Adora talking to Glimbow that night! Catra has her panic attack and I want to write out what Adora is thinking! But it doesn’t fit with the fic. So sometimes I did it anyway. None of these were fully written and polished and were more just me tracking where Adora was at with the big stuff, but I wanted to at least talk about them a little and they didn’t fit anywhere else in the fic notes. I just played it out in my head, sometimes, but I ended up writing down some rough scene outlines with intersperses of actual writing for:

Adora telling Glimmer and Bow everything Catra told her the night after she leaves. Glimmer starts off a little unsure of if they should be mad at Catra or not for never telling Adora she was alive, but eventually she “accepts” it (though she remains cautious of Catra for a few weeks).

Adora’s next call with her therapist, dumping the story onto her and talking a little about the guilt thing.

I don’t think I ever wrote anything down for the convo Adora had with her parents where she told them the story, but I sure thought about it a fucking lot.

Adora having a conversation with Hope over the break, while Catra and Mara are out driving. I would go into more detail, but there was a line that was originally drafted in a previous scene with Adora and Catra that didn’t end up happening, and then I put it in this scene that also wasn’t “real,” so…. At this point I’m just fucking sharing it. Because why not. The scene will be up tomorrow as a fic extra and linked in the meta section. Note that it is a detailed outline and NOT real writing, but I like it and can’t imagine just deleting it once this fic is done, so I’ll just post it here for anyone interested.

Original Outline:

I talked so much shit about the chapter count for this fic and it came back to haunt me. Here’s the thing: my initial chapter count wasn’t that wrong, which I know sounds insane when it was only like 5, but the contents for the fic I was imagining then did take up about 5 chapters. The intro, getting to the party, reintroduction, getting to know each other again, and then getting comfortable and confession.

The first two of those went exactly as I pictured. While I was writing chapter 3, though, the reintroduction went on longer than I imagined just because there was a lot to cover to do it right and it ended up taking up an entire chapter. Around then I started getting so many more ideas for the story. Initially it was supposed to be like, a nightmare/death per chapter, but then I started thinking about Adora telling her parents, and Catra going back home to visit them, and around then was when I accepted the vision for the fic expanded and bumped it to eight-ish with the vision that the visit would take two of those chapters roughly and another chapter would be fitted in for more bonding/growing closer before the confession.

Then I sat down and actually started doing my, like, one sentence outlines for scenes ([phone convo with Mara, rejects facetime], [entrapta/netossa collab], etc) and realized ohhhhh god this is more than three additional chapters worth of material. And maybe I always suspected that, because when I added more chapter headings to the document, I bumped it up to ten rather than eight. I had a detailed outline up to chapter nine, and by the time I was actually writing that far I was like this is going to be fucking eleven chapters isn’t it… but I was still unsure where it was going to fall in the 10-12 range. The epilogue was, once again, an addition, though a necessary one in my opinion, but those ideas weren’t part of the 10-12 chapter estimate.

I didn’t really have a strong vision for how the end was going to go until I got there, so the only thing about the final part of the fic that is different from the “original outline” is the remote log during the visit home (initially that was supposed to happen in person on a night when Adora slept over after they got back, but that just made less sense) and how they ran into the trio. My very initial idea for that was them driving (Catra driving, Adora teaching her, probably later on in the trip when maybe it isn’t all on Mara) and they drive past the trio walking on the sidewalk of a neighborhood and Catra nearly has a panic attack. Adora steers her through parking on the side of the road (ahead of where the trio are walking) and Catra gets ahold of herself as Adora glances back through the back window to see the trio eyeing the car, because they just saw it park a little erratically, and then they realize Adora is in the car. They can just barely see eartips around the headrest for Catra but can’t make much out.

They then watch Adora get out, wave to them sheepishly, make a motion for them to stay where they are, and then she walks around to the street side and opens up the backseat to get out the sling. This was before I had thought about anything and realized the arm brace was probably the best call for driving. Adora then opens Catra’s door, helps her put on the sling while still sitting in the driver’s seat, and holds her hand to help pull her to her feet out of the car, finally letting them see her. This made the conversation more of Catra’s choice, but when I pictured the whole exchange on the sidewalk, I had no intention of it actually being part of the fic. At that point, I hadn’t even decided if the Winterfest stuff was going to be part of it. But once I started writing that stuff, I decided the trio had to be in it too and switched it around to a run-in that made a little more sense and actually furthered Catra’s progression.

Meta:

Interlude: Three Years Ago

Fic Extra #2: Adora’s Interlude: A Conversation with Hope

Fic Extra #3: Timeline

All posts

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I had a plan for what fic was going to be next. Then another fic idea solidified and it was going to be that one. Then I had a new, but also returning, idea. What I’m saying is, I’m indecisive, but for the last month one AU in particular has been calling, and it’s honestly shocking I haven’t done it yet because I’m me and it's, well…

Up next is Superzero.

#amlait #ficmeta #fic notes

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bikeit · 3 years

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Packing: Self-Supported + Hotel Tour

(part 2 of 5) I'm gradually going through past trip notebooks and random Google Docs and jotting down all my packing lists in one place.

For a week-long ride like Berlin->Copenhagen which is self-contained but involves staying in hotels every night and is not far from civilization, I pack fairly light, since I have to carry everything on the bike and don’t have to carry camping gear or significant food or bike repair tools. This type of trip often involves a few days after the riding in a city, so I want clothing I feel comfortable walking around or going out to a restaurant in.

A good list for me for what I can fit in two small panniers (in addition to the tools / accessories / etc already on the “always on the bike” list):

Clothes:

(2x) padded bike shorts, to wash alternate pairs in hotel sink each night (3x is more convenient in case one doesn't dry in time)

(2x) quick-dry boxers (also to wash in sink)

(6x) socks

(2x) wool t-shirts to bike + walk in (assuming moderate climate)

(1x) long shorts (to wear over padded shorts, with pockets)

(1x) basic sleeping t-shirt

light gym shorts (to change into immediately at end of ride to “let everything breathe”)

small pack towel, mostly for impromptu swimming stops (since hotels will have towels)

bathing suit (redundant a bit w/ gym shorts)

flip flops

bike cap

rain shell / windbreaker

jeans (wore on plane, then packed away and saved to dress more presentably in the evening or on "city days")

one light + fast-drying long-sleeve shirt

one warmer button-up shirt (worn onto plane, then does dual duty as warmth or "looking more presentable in restaurant")

I just ride in regular shoes that are good for walking as well

Electronics + Paper:

outlet adapter

phone charger + cable

bike computer + microUSB cable

front and rear lights (also microUSB rechargeable)

noise-canceling headphones (a luxury, helps with sleeping on international flight, may skip next time)

larger USB battery pack (enough to recharge everything overnight in case of a hotel without enough working outlets for me + travel partner)

notebook and two pens (having your own pen is frequently useful at border crossings)

kindle or paper book

phrasebook

passport / ID / vax certificates / etc depending on trip

Other:

panniers (ideally with external pockets or ability to ride open-top to hold bulkier items like bottle of olive oil / wine / beer, loaf of bread, etc)

dopp kit

several days of my favorite pick-me-up snacks

safety pins (quick garment repair + clean out debris in phone port), duct tape, zip ties

map

masks

a few Covid rapid tests

earplugs

extra ziplock bags

two trash bags (for double-bagging possessions in panniers in heavy rain)

backup pair of glasses

Sometimes I add:

waterproof pants and shoe covers (useful in rain, but I also find they get sweaty easily, and in the heaviest rain I find water still finds a way in after a few hours, and they take up a lot of space). A blog reader suggested looking up "Rain Legs"

full-finger gloves for cold days

other warm clothing as needed, though I find I rarely want legwarmers or other base layers beyond the above

instant coffee / a few teabags, in case of a very basic hotel or airBNB that doesn't provide them or has late breakfast hours

bug repellent

Looking back this seems like a long list, but this all (barely) fit in the two small panniers above, and those panniers fit in the small tote bag below that I used to carry or check them as "one item":

#gear #packing #packlist

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lornrocks · 2 years

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I think I did good today, I basically told my Neuro that while the injectable I’ve been doing since may is working mostly and I do have to take my rescue meds less but I’m tired of being injected and also, the protein blocker isn’t helping the root of the problem, it’s a bandaid. So we decided to put that on hold for now and we’re going to try muscle replacers at bed time and some PT to try and figure out why my neck, shoulders, and back of my head are so messed up (in a way massages haven’t been able to help. Or heating pads, hot baths in epsom salt, ice packs, stretching, proper computer placement, and a million different types of pillows)

Like, I can’t be expected to always sit straight up and stare straight ahead my whole life. It is impossible to expect me to never look down or to the side ever. If I did that I could paint, read, embroider, edit photos, play video games, message my friends/family, shave my legs, blow dry my hair, clean stuff in the house, work on my computer at work, etc etc you know the drill. I know I’m old (lol) but sleeping weird one night shouldn’t fuck me two and a half weeks after the fact, causing me to have noticeable neck pain, stiffness, and tension headaches for that almost 3 week period.

I think that the muscle relaxers and PT are a good way to go to hopefully fix the problem. We’ve talked about Botox but that’s something I would need to do for every few months for who knows how long. You know? I’m still convinced this is all comes from getting Covid in early 2020.

#personal shit #Lauren why are you sharing your medical history #what about the meme you say #well that’s chronic illness baby!!#we over share like crazy

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beautyskinsposts · 2 years

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BLUE LIGHT AND FREE RADICAL DAMAGE TO THE SKIN

Have you ever imagined how often during the day you look at your mobile device, work at your computer and watch TV? On average, an active, modern social person looks at a mobile phone screen about 150 times. Each of these devices emits blue light that penetrates deep into the skin, permanently damaging it and promoting aging. The damage to the skin is devastating – collagen and extracellular matrix are degraded, which results in deep wrinkles, the skin becomes dry and dehydrated, its elasticity is lost, and the biological functions of the skin – barrier function, receptor functions, thermoregulatory and aesthetic functions – weaken.

We know very well the damage to the skin caused by UV radiation and try to protect it by using SPF protective filters, but do we protect the skin from blue light!?

What is blue light or HEF and how does it harm the skin?

HEF is high-energy visible light, also called blue light, whose wavelength is between 400 and 500 nm and the damage caused by blue light is similar to that caused by UVA radiation. Blue light triggers biochemical processes in the skin known as oxidative stress. Oxidative stress is an imbalance in the skin between the total amount of free radicals and antioxidants – the result is the accumulation of free radicals, which changes cellular DNA and can cause serious changes in skin quality, and even the development of diseases. Blue light increases the skin’s sensitivity to hyperpigmentation through oxidative stress, resulting in pigment spots. It is important to remember that blue light can penetrate (act) deeper into the skin, and dermis and cause longer and stronger damage to the skin.

Oxidative stress is caused by blue light and its effect on skin quality and aesthetic function. Oxidative stress affects collagen biosynthesis by involving matrix metalloproteinases that degrade collagen. In addition, small fragments of collagen block the synthesis of new collagen. It is an essential component of the skin aging process. Premature skin aging is associated with structural changes in the skin:- skin becomes thinner;- functional skin condition weakens;- the skin is unable to perform its normal, biological functions, i.e., barrier function, immune function, receptor function, and thermoregulatory function. Basically, free radicals or reactive oxygen species are xenobiotic degradation products and metabolites. Xenobiotics include medicines, cosmetics, chemicals, synthetic vitamins, and dietary components. Latent inflammation caused by free radicals due to blue light accumulates inflammatory cytokines such as IL-1 and IL-6, as well as activates matrix metalloproteases (MMPs), which directly damage the skin’s collagen fibres and weaken the skin’s tone. The skin has its own antioxidant system that helps to fight oxidative stress and existing free radicals, mainly glutathione and carotenoids. Because we often use devices that emit blue light (mobile phones, tablets, computers), as well as there are many additional external factors, such as UV light, polluted external environment and air, the skin is rapidly depleting its endogenous resources, and we need extra protection. Melanocytes in cutaneous epidermal cells form pigment accumulation, which is provoked by blue light. This pigmentation can be divided into two types: early grey pigments, which are slightly greyish and form immediately after exposure to blue light, and deep (late) pigment accumulation, which occurs after prolonged exposure for weeks.

Photodamaged skin is characterized not only by skin depigmentation, dark and light skin patches, and uneven skin tone but also by changes in skin quality – the skin becomes dry and dehydrated, wrinkles appear, and its elasticity is lost. The topicality of the problem of blue light and photoaging is related to the fact that the functional condition of the skin deteriorates – the biological functions of the skin – barrier function, receptor functions, thermoregulatory and aesthetic functions – weaken. Clinical signs of photoaging include dry skin, decreased skin elasticity, the appearance of wrinkles and creases, skin peeling, skin discoloration, and pigmentation disorders.

Signs of photoaging:- “Age” spots or pigmented areas on the skin caused by an increased number of pigment cells (melanocytes) in the epidermis as a result of UV radiation;- Deep wrinkles on the skin;- Yellowing of the skin;- Thickened skin;- Appearance of blood capillaries on the skin;- Dryness and desquamation. Protecting your skin from blue light is very important. Special products protect the skin from the aggressive effects of blue light and reduce the risks of hyperpigmentation, melasma, and photoaging.

Skin and circadian rhythm is important to note that the skin lives in its own circadian rhythm, which is in sync with our body and the environmental circadian rhythms. This means that if we use devices that actively emit blue light in the evenings and at night, these circadian rhythms of the skin are desynchronized. The skin is at increased risk of diseases and chronic inflammation, including dermatitis, psoriasis, future acute photoreactions, and skin malignancies. The skin under the blue light exposure considers that it is day and loses the ability to biologically regenerate, which must be physiologically happening at night. In this way, the skin does not “repair” the damage caused during the day.

HOW DOES BLUE LIGHT DAMAGE YOUR SKIN?- Accumulation of free radicals in the skin;- Increased oxidative stress;- Damages DNA in cells;- Reduces collagen synthesis and increases its degradation;- Accelerates skin aging;- Increases the risks of hyperpigmentation;- Stimulates latent inflammation of the skin;- Increases the risk of skin diseases;- Reduces skin immunity.

How to protect the skin from Blue Light? Local or topical protection is a must-have and very important when working with a computer for a longer time or if you use your phone often. Protecting your skin from blue light should be part of your daily skincare routine.- UV filters can also help in the fight against blue light, including titanium dioxide and iron oxide which are considered the gold standard for protection against blue light.- Niacinamide or vitamin B3 – can reduce the risk of hyperpigmnetis and strengthen the immune system.- It is important to check the antioxidants in your cream or day protection fluid, which not only protect against skin damage caused by oxidative stress but also help the skin to regenerate and perform its basic functions effectively. One such antioxidant is vitamin E, which serves as a strong free radical scavenger.

Hypersensitive skin, such as problematic and skin with rosacea, melasma patients, skin prone to hyperpigmentation should be treated with special attention. In such cases, you should definitely have UVB/UVA radiation filters in your cream and fluid formulations, but also get sure that it protects and strengthens the skin in the fight against the blue light spectrum (HEF).

MARENCE has created a blue light protection fluid that helps protect the skin from the negative effects of blue light. The active ingredient – Carotolino (containing carotenoids) – acts as a shield and effectively protects the facial skin from premature aging, as well as reduces the oxidative stress of the skin and gives it a healthy and radiant complexion. Beta-carotene, vitamins A, C, E, and K and goji berry extract act as powerful antioxidants and the skin is effectively protected from free radicals. MARENCE’s specially developed Freshwater Green Mud Extract enriches the skin with micro and macro elements, amino acids, and vitamins. Avocado oil and Shea butter moisturize, soften, and improve skin elasticity. Wild carrot seed oil and carrot root extract give the skin a healthy and radiant tone. Among the active ingredients with proven effectiveness in relieving oxidative stress in skin cells caused by blue radiation is a complex of oils and natural extracts:

– Wild carrot seed oil – the oil contains beta-carotene and vitamin A, which help prevent and reduce the signs of aging, as well as vitamins E and K, phytosterols. This ingredient has strong antioxidant properties and promotes skin regeneration and deep rejuvenation of skin cells.- Carrot root extract – is a plant ingredient with antioxidant and conditioning properties. Carrot root extract is obtained by soaking carrots in sunflower or olive oil, which pulls out and dissolves the soluble components. The extract is rich in beta-carotene (provitamin A) and contains several antioxidants, including vitamin C and vitamin E.- Beta carotene. There are hundreds of carotenoids, including lycopene and lutein. When applied topically, beta-carotene is one of the strongest antioxidants.- Sunflower seed oil, which contains an average of 60% linoleic acid, helps to regenerate, strengthen, and soothe the skin. This oil also contains other valuable fatty acids needed for radiant skin, including oleic acid, palmitic acid, stearin, and small amounts of omega-3 linolenic acid.- Goji berry extract – a well-known antioxidant, softens the skin.

The article was written by Dr. Jana Janovska Dermatologist, Preventive Medicine Specialist. Veselibas Centrs-4; Anti-Aging Institute; Capital Clinic Riga; Dermatology Clinic, lecturer at RSU. Regular publications in largest Latvian magazines. • In 2011, she graduated from the Faculty of Medicine of the University of Latvia, obtaining a doctor’s qualification• In 2014 – the Medical Faculty of the University of Latvia, obtaining the qualification of a dermatovenerologist• In 2015 – doctoral studies at Riga Stradins University• 2015 – Obtained a certificate in Luxembourg for genetic analysis, testing and interpretation of genetic mutations• Mastered preventive and anti-aging medicine in Paris for 6 years in a row• During 8 years – guest lecturer at the World and European Congress of Anti-Aging and Plastic Surgeons in Monaco or Paris with scientific research and lectures• Additional studies in dermatology and dermatoscopy in Austria (Graz), France (Toulouse), dermatosurgery in Brussels• President of the Baltic Association for Prevention and Aging• Member of the World Society of Interdisciplinary of Anti-Aging Medicine• Member of the European Academy of Dermatovenerology• Riga Stradins University lecturer, researcher.

#skin protection #blue light #naturalskincare #natural skin products #natural skin glow #mother nature #love your skin #skincare tips #protectyourskin

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diary-of-a-recovering-party-girl · 1 year

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listening to ALLEINE by B3000 over and over again until I feel a bit okay [12.10.23]

I woke up tired but happy to be back in my city. My room still smells like something I can't put my finger on, not unpleasant.

Going to university again was a great refreshment. Being in my office there already makes me productive and in control. I sit down on my desk and I am ready to start achieving things. That the computer is working again since my colleagues fixed (aka put the cables in the right ports) it, is a big blessing. Working on a big, fast computer, I feel even more productive.

In the lunch break, I ate with A and I really enjoyed my first meal at the cafeteria again. We talked about science and the month at the office while I was away and like with everyone at my office, I felt like I have at least 10 IQ points less than them, but A is very kind and it's still enjoyable to talk to him. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he eats dry French fries every day at the cafeteria, though.

On the way home, I sent all 3 film rolls into development. Then, I found my bike where I locked it over 3 months ago and carried it to the repair shop. Bike repair guys are people from another planet, I swear. The guy told me that repairing my bike would basically cost more than double it's value and in that moment, I decided to finally lay it to rest after 6 years. I thanked my bike for all it's efforts these years and then just put it on a bike stand without locking it. The city will do the rest.

At home, I finally gave in to my hyper horny urges and took some pictures for reddit/gonewild. Listening to Slut Pop by Kim Petras and drinking coconut water while taking half- naked pictures on my room floor gave me another kind of confidence.

I met with B to have a big debrief of my trip to Portugal. I can understand a lot of her dislike for Brazil a lot better, yet, I'm even more excited to go there now. The place we went to was kind of fancy for this city, I think it was a French restaurant. The waiter was so nice I wondered if he was flirting with me but he was just doing his job, lol. B was apparently sick for the last 3 weeks and then also got stomach issues again from the desert there and have to leave.

I'm still so tired, physically. I feel also like I'm still processing Portugal now.

After B, I went to C's place. I thought I was late but actually, everyone was still there; Y and even G! I ran towards everyone screaming and hugging them so much and I the hallway I said to myself "You're home" Being with everyone was like always; everyone is kind of constantly talking, sometimes over each other, everyone wanted to know about Portugal, I tried to get drunk on the wine there but failed. I felt like I wanted to talk to everyone individually in peace but it was too full, too loud, too chaotic for that.

Also, S had canceled me for the weekend. Last minute again, of course. It was the third time she canceled a long planned thing one day before now and I didn't see her in 10 months by now. I decided to not put any effort in our friendship now, I don't wanna bother with someone who keeps canceling like this. Of course, it ruined my mood for a bit. Then I tried to ask one of the others to join me for the birthday party tomorrow so I can take a friend there like I said. Y said she wanted to come but she is also not completely cancel - free and I will feel nervous about it until I see her there. I hate that I am so not chill about meeting friends. I wish I could actually be spontaneous, actually not care when people cancel, actually be okay with people coming or not coming. Instead, I await the meeting half eagerly half anxiously. I might meet G on the weekend as well, if M agrees to go to another place Saturday. I should be happy I have so many amazing friends to do things with but not having security about people coming makes me nervous and I'm still tired from the holiday with my parents or Portugal or both or because it's winter or because I'm tired in general.

I wish there were more comments on my gone wild post.

#diary #diary1 #d #portugal #lisbon #come back #friends #friendship #saudade #miss

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mood2you · 1 year

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Blog 10: Books from the 00's

I'm reading Late Bloomer by Fern Michaels, you can rely on her for that fantasy of suddenly becoming very rich. In this book Cadwell Jordan moves back to her hometown to take care of her retired actress grandmother, who gets a lot better just by having her in her life again after raising her for 3 years when her parents fled after a mysterious accident. It's kind of like It I guess with no clown and 300 pages, I mean I think it should be longer. I mean I know saying "why isn't a reverse harem of Bev Ed, Ned, and Fred" it's like well, it simply isn't that! Get a grip! Read the summary! When they said "oh, and Ed is single too," they were kidding! I tried Name of the Wind but I might not continue it. I picked up Dead Until Dark Again and it's funny how different the second half is from the first half! Well I actually started this in March, um, and it's a bit too action packed, it sort of feels like 3 unrelated plots are happening, typical reality for someone like Sookie Stackhouse, the murder equivalent of your cat getting sick again as there is a new hire at work and you've lost your flipflops. to make any sense due to the long stretches of time I've inserted into it, the romance is cute.

Dead Until Dark fits the prompt of "building on the cover" (the burning down vampire house ;; from September 2022 Bookopoly, which I was running for myself this month, because I still have the board and it's fun. Well you know what Becca just announced: Spookoplothon, October Bookoplothon! And wouldn't you know it Dead Until Dark fits the parallel prompt on the new board: purple!

I'm also reading Darius the Great is Not Okay, and I keep crying about it. It's about highschool stuff like feeling left out and trying to talk to your dad. It is not a stupid 00's book. And I have the sequel!

On Friday I went swimming, which really was great. I'm always complaining now, this week, yesterday, because it's only high 80's. Which is very hot in the sun, on a calm, still day, with increasing humidity. Is that good swimming weather? It's not the weather I'm complaining about, it's how much work goes into swimming. Changing, getting towels, getting drinks, drying off, and so on... Also, I prepared wrongly for this summer. This week in particular, last year, was 110 and on fire, and I was very stressed out because I didn't want to have to evacuate all the animals alone. In June it was 80's and always rained and I basically threw that away, sleeping through it. And this week it's finally back to 80's. It was only 105 those two days I made sure to complain about it.

On Saturday I picked up another book by F. Paul Wilson for Halloween to pair with Midnight Mass a friend gave me. This book is The Tomb, it's like Three For The Money which I read last week, instead of bounty hunters it's a PI looking for, so far, a creepy looking necklace and a missing person his ex's mother. I think PI's dislike cops more bounty hunters but cops get in the way of either. It is dissimilar in that it's from 1984 and Three To Get Deadly is from the 00's.

On Sunday I had stewed pork. On Monday I watched the big game. On Tuesday I swung by Friends of the Library to get Wicked Business because I liked Three To Get Deadly alright and so I'm giving Lizzie and Diesel another shot. Basically this week is all about stupid books from the 00's. Incredibly I have a book about the Millenium Meltdown of computers bricking themselves (or worse) at midnight on 2000, but the kicker is it's from 1998 so it's not about the hysteria, it's just conspiracy theories about microchips, I'll have to start that too since some of these books are actually on the cusp.

Weirdly I'm set up nicely to try that challenge I had of reading (finishing) one book a day, maybe start on the 15.

#blog #tumblr #books #poll

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anthonysstupiddailyblog · 2 years

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Anthony’s Stupid Daily Blog (216): Mon 17th Oct 2022

This weeks episode of Death Battle was SpongeBob vs Aquaman which I thought was a waste of an episode but it turned out to be incredibly entertaining and a reminder that it’s good to have the occasional bit of comic relief. SpongeBob was always going to win because although he and Aquaman are both cartoons SpongeBob is in a vain similar to the Looney Tunes in that he can basically do anything and can’t be killed but the video package they put together highlighting how pathetically insignificant Aquaman’s greatest feats of strength were compared to SpongeBob. One thing they mentioned in the episode is that being out of the water and exposes to too much heat will incapacitate SpongeBob as seen in the early episodes but in later episode and in the second movie Sponge Out Of Water (greatest movie ever made not even joking) we see that SpongeBob has seemingly overcame this weakness as he spends a good chunk of time on dry land and suffers no ill effects. I love Death Battle. It’s utterly pointless spending one’s time thinking about how one fictional character might defeat another fictional character but everything is fucking pointless really. Playing computer games and watching sports is ultimately pointless but they serve as distractions from the constant reminder that death is constantly getting closer like the demon in It Follows.

After this I listened to an interview with the great Alan Moore (and by the way Alan Moore’s SpongeBob SquarePants is something I want to see. I’m starting a petition and I reckon I can get about 10 people who follow my Hollyoaks account on Twitter to sign it. That should be enough to convince Moore to do it right?…what the fuck am I talking about?). It’s fascinating listening to him talk about his relationship with magic and the occult. I also love the fact that the God he’s chosen to worship is a puppet snake from the 2nd century and that he’s fully aware that it was just a puppet snake but worships it anyway. You need to be slightly unconventional in order to produce great work like Watchmen and V For Vendetta. I often think that David Icke could have become an Alan Moore-esque figure if he just made clear that the stuff he spouts is fictional. His books about the royal family being lizard people could have gained him a reputation as an eccentric science fiction writer if he chose to go down that route but alas he is actually convinced that the royal family really are secret lizard people who for some reason haven’t revealed their real forms and put the entire world into slavery.

I also checked out tonight’s Hollyoaks where Mason Chen-Williams performed some magic tricks for his friends which to be honest was the highlight of the whole episode which isn’t a compliment. I wondered whether Mason's first ever magic trick was to make all his family members' personalities disappear because Christ they are boring.

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bunkerbucky · 3 years

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Casual Sabotage *Bucky Barnes x Reader*

Reader is hit with sex pollen. Except she doesn't crave her boyfriend, Steve Rogers. No, it's his best friend, Bucky Barnes, that she wants inside of her. Bucky, in the beginning, is a good bro and refuses. But due to the fact she sucks his dick so good he kinda, sorta, loses that restraint and just fucks her regardless of who she belongs to.

Rating: Explicit [+18]

Warnings: Sex pollen= Dub-Con, Rough Sex, Rough blow-job, rough oral-sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, breeding kink, size kink- Bucky has a big dick in this lmao, choking and biting kink, infidelity; Reader cheats on Steve.

TW: Dub-con- Reader is under sex pollen, so she actually cannot give consent and also because Bucky is so resistant in the beginning. It turns consensual on Bucky's part, he gives in to the temptation. But, obviously, reader is still influenced so... the lines are blurred.

Yourself and Bucky had searched the Hydra base from tippy-top to bottom. There was nothing out of the ordinary, which infuriated you a little. With the amount of recon work you both had to do, the long nights of watching the agents coming and going, you felt like you both deserved a small win, at least.

A long sigh escaped from your lips as Bucky's fingers typed furiously on the computers keyboard, a USB stick in hand just in case he found something exciting. Your arms were crossed over your chest, eyes scanning around the bases' security room, roaming the shelves and cabinets that held nothing of importance. A week of nothing, you wanted to cry.

"Hmm," Bucky low hum attracted your attention, "It says there's a basement to this building, we haven't checked that out." His steel eyes look over the screen and at you, you respond with a shrug of your shoulders. "We've got two hours before the cavalry arrives to pick us up, let's explore and see if we can obtain something to keep from Rogers from complainin'"

You giggle slightly at Bucky's comment, nodding in agreement with him. Steve would have a lot to say if you went back empty-handed, especially since he sent you both rather than himself. But you couldn't lie and say the thought of seeing Steve after so long didn't excite you. You had missed your boyfriend dearly, you weren't allowed on missions together since finally making things official. Work ethics and all that jazz.

Instead, you and Bucky had started to partner up, Steve didn't trust anyone but himself, and Bucky, to keep an eye out for you. Who better to watch over his best girl than his best friend, plus Bucky was your friend before you got with Steve.

"What if we go down there and there's a great, big monster waiting for us?" Sliding into the small elevator beside Barnes.

Bucky looked down at you with a raised eyebrow, "Then I'll be throwing you out as a distraction, so I can press the elevator door button to leave."

You both ended up laughing at his response, although when the doors finally did open and reveal a darkened basement layer... there was a moment of silence, you both side-eyeing one another at the lack of sound and movement.

Bucky stepped off first and the automatic lighting triggered him to pull his gun from its holster, his reflexes sharp and fast. You step off and follow Bucky down the hall towards double doors, the room through those doors was abandoned and huge. Desks with old computers, all smashed and out of use. Stacks of files and paper scattered on desks and the floor. Despite the mess, it all looks really promising, there had to be something amongst the chaos.

You both separate to cover more ground, you only had a limited time before you had to leave. You looked through paper and files, shuffling through stacks of meaningless bullshit. Hydra certainly kept a record of everything, including all the worthless crap. You wondered if they actually printed this stuff to lead you guys on wild goose chases like this, to make sure you were distracted with searching for something important amongst all their bullshit.

You ended up in the far back of the room, a small desk area had random empty vials littered across it. Files labelled in Russian, that you couldn't translate very well.

"Hey, Buck," You called over your shoulder as you lifted an empty vial, a cork tightly shoved in the top; curious. "Think I might've found something."

The vial itself was black, not black liquid, the vial was just black. It didn't feel weighted, it didn't feel like anything was moving inside of it. So, curiosity got the best of you because you yanked the cork off the vial. Black smoke puffed out and into your face causing you to inhale and go into a coughing fit. Waving your arms in front of your face, coughing at the inhalation of whatever was inside that vial.

It smelt like... old leather, peppermint toothpaste and...something else, like a deep musk. Odd.

"Hey, are you okay?" Bucky suddenly appeared at your side, a hand placed on your back and eyeing you with concern. He then grabbed the vial from your hand, it was clear and no longer black. "What happened?"

Your coughing had subsided, you felt fine. "I think there was some kind of smoke or whatever in there, I don't know. The black stuff just burst out, I was stupid-"

"Damn, right." Bucky looked mad, which was a given. "Hydra is known for making gas poisons, Y/N. That was a rookie move, never open strange vials." He didn't sound too mad at you, a little more concerned and worried.

You nodded, frowning when feeling the back of your neck sweating. You felt... hot. A sweat was taking over your body, your mouth was getting dry and your mind was going fuzzy. Bucky hadn't noticed, his eyes cast down to the Russian files on the desk, his hand flipping through the old pages and taking the information in with wide eyes. You briefly wondered if whatever is written in that file had anything to do with that vial.

"Fuck," Bucky muttered.

"What?" Your throat was scratchy, your breathing was becoming laboured and your palms were sweaty.

You didn't feel hot, though. You didn't feel sick either.

"Well, I'm guessing whatever was in that vial was... to put it plainly, sex pollen. It makes the patient unable to think of anything but sex, all they want and all they feel is lust. It's basically either used to breed or on prisoners- the pain of not getting off thoroughly enough can lead to the patient taking extreme measures: death." He shakes his head, you don't notice the horrified look In his eyes at the thought of maybe it being used on him when under Hydra's control. "You're likely fine, though."

"I wouldn't be so sure," You managed to gasp out, your thighs squeezing together and eyes closed, you wanted to feel embarrassed but you couldn't. "My head is spinning and, fuck, I need to get this off. I feel too hot, I'm burnin' up." Clawing at the collar of your own tact suit, your hands were shaking and you couldn't bring yourself to look at Bucky.

You wanted to look at him though. You knew he was standing close to you because you could smell him, he smelt like the black smoke did. He smelt delicious, intoxicating in the best way. God, you wanted him so badly. You needed him.

"It's going to be okay, Y/N. I promise, we'll get you back to Steve and he can-"

You shook your head and finally pulled the zipper down of your jacket, shrugging the bulletproof material off your shoulders.

"Need you." You managed to mumble out, lifting your gaze to Bucky, who was frowning and shaking his head. "Please, Buck. I need you! I can feel my skin crawling and-I'm in so much pain, please." Your voice a mix between a whine and beg.

"I can't- you're not thinking properly. Steve will be here soon and he can help you, he's your boyfriend, remember?"

You pulled the black, tight sleeved henley from your body and let it drop to the floor, it covered in sweat. You're standing in a sports bra and tact pants, chest heaving as you try to intake gulps of oxygen from your panting. Even with half your clothes off you still felt sweat bead and drip down your skin.

"I can't wait that long," You sniffled but no tears forming. "Please, I want you-I've always wanted you. You read the file, I'm going to die!"

Bucky continued to shake his head. "I won't do that Steve. It says that it took a couple of hours till that point, Steve'll be here soon and I'll explain to him what happened."

You groaned painfully, shaking your own head now. Not understanding why he couldn't just help you now. You were in immense pain and the throbbing heat in your core wasn't letting up.

You didn't want Steve to help you. You didn't need Steve to help you, it wasn't just because he wasn't here. You wanted Bucky. The smell of him, the heat radiating off his body when it was close to yours. You craved for him to touch you, to fuck you. You were sure the moment he touched you that the pain would ease, the flames that were consuming you would simmer down.

And you were certain that he wanted you too.

Taking the initiative you moved closer to Bucky, the short hairs on the back of your neck were drenched in sweat, you could feel it drip down your back. You placed a hand softly on his metal arm, the cool vibranium instantly cooling you down. Bucky let out a shaky breath and looked at you, eyebrows furrowing together as he took in your features. You were sure you could see the fight in his eyes, he wanted to help you. To touch you.

It was frustrating that he wasn't giving in. That he wasn't falling to his desires.

"I won't tell Steve, I promise." You whispered and pressed a kiss to his collar, inhaling his scent and shuddering when it filled your senses. He wasn't pushing you away, but he also wasn't giving in to touching you back. "It can be our little secret. I know you'll make me feel really good, he won't be able to help me like you can."

Her other hand trailed down his chest and stopped at his belt, Bucky was too busy telling her everything he had already been saying. Telling you how you love Steve and Steve loves you. It would break Steve's heart if he found out about this talk from you if he knew what you were saying to Buck. You didn't care, not right now anyway. You had always found Bucky attractive and before getting with Steve you had entertained the thought of Bucky, but he was just getting back his life. A relationship seemed too much for him, well that's what you thought.

You didn't settle for Steve, that was never the case. You love Steve, you know that. But, right now, here with Bucky, you knew that he'd be able to help you with this- more than Steve could. Steve was a peaceful lover, an attentive one. You needed this illness fucked out of you- at least, that's what your hazy brain was telling you.

Your hand slipped under his belt, a wide grin taking over your face at Bucky's shock, words choking out as you wrapped a hand around his dick. A sense of pride coming over you as he began to get hard in your hand, a few quick jerks as started to undo his pants with your free hand. Bucky was stunned into silence and compliance, unable to stop you just from the fact he hadn't been touched like this in a while.

He came to his senses when you noticed you get to your knees, his pants undone and pulled down his muscular thighs. Bucky slapped your hands away and tries to pull his pants back up, but you were putting up quite the fight. You roughly pushed him back, he ended up falling to the ground due to his pants restricting his movements. In the moments he fell down and was trying to figure out what happened, you had pulled down his boxers and gulped dryly at his semi-hard length.

"You're so big," You mumbled before wrapping your lips around the tip, a loud groan echoed through the room from Bucky.

You could feel him growing inside of your mouth as you tried to take more of him down, slobbering up his dick and licking around the shaft. Pulling off to run your tongue around the veins and down to his balls, gently suckling them into your mouth as you jerked his length till it was fully standing erect. You smirked to yourself at all of the noises Bucky was making, a hand being placed on your hair- which normally you hated Steve's hand in your hair, but you'd allow Bucky this time.

"Fuck my throat," spit was around your mouth and down your chin, "fuck my throat with your big cock."

Bucky's eyes were wide and lust-filled, there was still a hesitancy from him. A dilemma going on in that head of his, so you wrapped your lips around his cock again and started to slowly take him down. He was bigger than Steve, so much bigger, but that only spurred you on. You wanted him to roughly fuck your throat, you wanted to feel him at the back of your throat even after this.

You felt both his hands on your head... he started to push your head further down, the tip hit the back of your throat and you still hadn't taken all of him. He started to ease past your limitations, your eyes filled with tears as he stuffed your mouth impossibly full. Your lips stretched wide around his girth, he could feel your throat constrict around him and the slight gag you couldn't help because of how far he was down your throat.

"Fuck, so good." Bucky groaned lowly, eyes completely black and bottom lip trapped between his teeth. You knew your panties were soaking, a slickness collecting on your thighs as you rubbed them together, the flimsy material of your underwear was sticking to you and making you rub yourself just to alleviate the friction. "I'll deal with your pussy in second, right now I'm going to fill this hole up."

It was like Bucky snapped, the trepidation he was feeling before was long gone. It was now replaced with this new Bucky, and you loved him.

He wasn't merciful when he started to thrust in and out of your mouth, his balls were slapping against your chin harshly. The grip in your hair was harsh as he pushed and pulled your head to meet his hard thrusts, your eyes rolled into the back of your skull as he basically skull fucked you. Loud gagging sounds, your throat squeezing his cock as you fought for air, he only eased up when you looked like you were going to pass out. It was seconded worth of air before he repeated his onslaught, spit and cum was dribbling down your chin and onto your chest and sportsbra. Bucky kept his eyes on you, it made you shiver how he was looking at you.

Bucky didn't warn you when he was about to cum, instead, he held your head down, almost shoving his entire cock down your throat as loads of his cum spurted out and shot straight down your throat into your tummy. You hardly tasted his cum because of how far he was down your throat. He groaned as he came, swallowing thrusting his hips into your mouth as he milked his orgasm. He pulled you off his cock, it was still hard, thankfully.

He helped pull you to your feet then undressed you, roughly pulling the sports bra off your chest and yanking your pants down your legs. He ripped your panties to shreds and let the tattered pieces fall to the floor, his hungry gaze took in your shaking, naked form. Your thighs were glistening from your arousal and it was still leaking from your pussy, hardly any attention to it made you needy and wishing to be stuffed full.

"Turn around." The authority in his voice made you shiver.

You turned around and felt Bucky place a hand on your shoulder, bending you over the desk where you found the vial. The pieces of paper clinging to your sweaty skin and making you keen into his touch more. He kicked your feet further apart, a hand tickling the insides of your thighs and collecting your sweet juices. Expecting to feel fingers prodding around your entrance, instead, you felt a firm tongue lick from clit to fluttering hole, it dipping inside and collecting the juices wanting to leak out of you.

Your mouth fell open into a silent scream, his tongue was exploring so far into your pussy, his hands gripped your cheeks apart so he could push further inside of you. Tongue fucking you so roughly and expertly, your eyes almost went crossed out from the feeling. You didn't know you could be tongue fucked this good, but Bucky just lived to prove you wrong. The slurping sounds and moans from the man behind you, he lifted and bent your knee to rest on the table; opening you up further for his trained tongue.

"You're gonna have to let me have a taste of this everyday from now on, baby." Bucky groaned against your pussy, mouth closing around your clit as he sucked harshly, your mouths drowning out his own. "Taste so good," the tip of his tongue running figure eights on your engorged clit.

Bucky must've stayed between your legs for minutes, but it felt like hours. He pulled two back-to-back orgasms from you, only using his tongue. When he was done eating your pussy, he stood up and draped himself over your back, an arm wrapping around your neck as he breathed heavily into your ear. You could feel his cock nudge up against your pussy, sliding and coating himself in your juices.

"You ready for me?" You whined your response, trying to push yourself back against him but his arm tightened around your throat- not restricting your airflow. "Think your little pussy can take my dick, dolly?" You nodded in a rush, needing it inside of you otherwise you was going to die. "I've got you," The tip nudges against your entrance and began to push inside, the stretch was painful but welcoming. "Daddy's got you."

Your pussy fluttered around his length, the more he pushed his thick length in the more you moaned. He wasn't even half-way in when you started to babble about how he was too big for you, how he wouldn't fit inside of you. That only made Bucky want to prove you wrong, want to prove that you were made to take him. He started to thrust shallowly, rocking his length in and out of you, impaling you on him more whenever he pushed forward.

Once he was fully sheathed inside of you, he stopped and remained inside of your tight, heat for a moment. Relishing in the way you were split open around his cock, your walls were spasming around him and he was having a hard time not cumming on the spot. You felt so tight, so warm and wet around him, suddenly envious that Steve got to have you all the time. But he was planning on ruining you, to make sure the next time you fucked Steve it wouldn't feel as good.

He was going to fuck you so hard, so deep that you'd be wishing Steve was this big.

"Hang on, baby." That was the only warning you got.

Bucky started to pummel inside of you, his thrusts were hard and fast, his cock was kissing your cervix. You really could only just lay there and take it, your mouth open as moans were ripped from you, eyes rolling back as he kept impaling his girth inside of you. He was hitting spots so deep you knew you'd be feeling him for days afterwards, you'd be walking with limp and sore, it was worth it.

The way he was fucking you, it was as if he had something to prove.

The sound of skin slapping skin, his grunts and groans right beside your ear. His arm around your neck, clenching and cutting your airflow off at times, had you cumming within seconds and he still didn't let up. He didn't stop and fucked you through your third orgasm.

Your mind was starting to come down from the pollen, the pain and fever you were feeling had gone. Replaced now with pleasure and pain, a mix you didn't think you were into but now couldn't get enough of. All you could think and feel was Bucky Barnes. This was no longer the effects of the pollen anymore, this was pure you and riding on the afterglow of Bucky fucking you like you needed.

"Harder." You mumbled through heavy pants, tilting your head to look at him over your shoulder.

A smirk crossed his features, metal arm holding your hip in a bruising grip. Complying with your order and snapping his hips hard into your heat, grinding his hips against yours before pulling back out and repeating. It causes your back to arch, pressing your pussy back against his thrusts with little mewls leaving your lips.

"Kiss me." You plead breathlessly.

Bucky doesn't falter with that demand either. Draping himself over your body again and pressing his plump lips against yours, the kiss is far more gentle than his thrusts, but it still has you moaning against him. He was kissing you like you was fragile, yet fucking you like you were some kind of sex toy that he was using just to jerk off into. It was making your head spin and your pussy needy for more.

"You gonna come again?" Bucky chuckled against your ear, you nodded sharply and cried in pleasure when he bit your shoulder, cumming on the spot when his teeth dug into your flesh. "Mm'good girl." He mumbled as he licked at the tender spot, you could feel his hips stuttering their pace.

"Cum in me." You grinned and he cursed lowly, eyes squeezing shut. "Want you to fill me up, daddy. Fuckin' fuck a baby into me, fill me up."

The arm around your neck was pulled away, hand splaying across your back as he started to thrust into you in tight, fast and hard thrusts. Using your body to seek his own pleasure now, you were biting your lip at the thought of him filling you up. Not even caring if he actually did knock you up, you needed his cum inside of you.

Bucky found his end after a few careful thrusts, warm ropes of his seed filling you up and then some, he filled you up so much that it started to seep out around his cock. He groaned at the mess he made inside of you, he carefully pulled out of your abused cunt to see your hole clenching, trying to keep his creamy load inside of yourself. He had to look away because if he kept staring he'd get hard again, he didn't think you could take another round or load.

You remained bent over the desk and trying to catch your breath, his human hand was rubbing comforting circles on your back. Before you or Bucky could say something a buzzing sound captured both of your attention, it was coming from Bucky's pant pocket. He left you to retrieve his phone, eyes scanning over the device for a moment before he looked at you.

"Steve is waiting at the extraction point for us," You nodded mutely and you both got dressed in mutual silence.

He helped you to look presentable, ignoring the fingerprint bruise on your hip and the obvious bite mark on your shoulder. You were unsure how to explain any of that to Steve, you were also unsure how to explain what happened to Bucky. Obviously, you had still had those feelings for him, right? Otherwise, you would have been able to wait for Steve, it was like all sense of self-control had left you and only Bucky remained in your mind.

As you both left the base in awkward silence, treking the five miles towards the extraction zone, you wondered if you would have craved for Bucky if you was with Steve. If after all this time it was Bucky and not Steve you wanted.

All you knew was that Bucky had ruined you. You could still feel the impression of him inside of you, the way he had so deliciously stretched you open and impaled you on him. The way he had roughly fucked your throat like it was nothing but a hole to get off into. He had fucked you, in more ways than one.

(Please, let me know what you think! I’m also taking requests too! Honestly, kinda wanna write a part 2 where Reader tries to have sex with Steve but fakes her orgasm just to go to Bucky... I’m a bad person, I just think Bucky would be better than Steve tbh lol~ Lilith)

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x female reader #steve rogers x reader

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aquamarinescarlet · 3 years

Text

Broken bones, healing heart

Pairing: Zooey Kern x Reader

Word count: ~4.8k

Warnings: Car accident, injuries, angst with a happy ending

Summary: After an accident you’re bound to a wheelchair for at least two weeks, and the universe seems to be playing with you when the person who’s supposed to look after you is also the one who hates you the most.

Author’s note: Special thank you to @thesoulofbell for basically co-writting this with me!! This is an enemies to lovers, since apparently that's the only thing I can write.

“Good morning Miss Y/L/N, how’s everything going?” The receptionist greeted as you walked into the building.

“Great Helen, how about you, how are the kids?” You shot her a smile.

“A handful, as always,” you chuckled and made your way to the manager’s office, your office.

The room was neat and clean as always, your degrees exposed on the wall behind your desk, a book shelf on the side, for the purpose of decoration since you’ve never actually read any of those books.

You settled in front of your computer, ogling the stack of papers someone has left on your table for you to look over. Seriously, who even uses that many papers at a time where everything can be done with the help of technology?

Through the glass wall you could see as the other employees started to arrive for the day. With a cup of coffee in hand you went over some of the papers from the pile, reports on the patients the Home Care Agency has been working with, adding all the relevant information to the system.

Ever since you got the promotion, you have hated the job. You enjoyed working with patients, their grumpiness and unwillingness to cooperate was endearing, although others could find it ennerving. Now you’d spend all day in your office, reading over the reports, contacting families, and rearranging the nurses when necessary. It was boring, but you couldn’t quit since the money was necessary.

In addition to the situation, there was Zooey Kern. The woman hated your guts, and refused to do what you told her to. It was frustrating to say the least.

A knock on the door brought you out of your thoughts.

“Excuse me, Miss Y/L/N,” your boss appeared at the door.

“Mr. Vega, how can I help you?” The short man stood nervously at the door.

“Kit had to take the day off since his wife just went into labour this morning and I need someone to fill in for him with Matt Ryder today,” his eyes kept looking at something on the end of the corridor.

“I’ll figure it out,” he let out a sigh of relief and excused himself, rapidly walking in the direction he was obsessing with before.

Shaking it off, you took the list of nurses and, unfortunately for you, stated that every single one of them was busy with some other patient. Just your luck. Mr. Ryder required constant care due to his cancer, which could cause relapses every so often, you couldn’t leave him without someone for a whole day.

Without any other option, you decided you’d take care of it yourself. It was a great excuse to get back ‘into the field’.

You reorganized everything, putting away the reports you’d already read, and separating those you still had to take a look at, before going into the supplies area and taking everything you needed.

Due to your position you had Mr. Ryder’s entire schedule, with medicines and quantities all laid out, so that wouldn’t be a problem. The address wasn’t hard to find too, and soon enough you were driving to his place.

As if on cue, Kit started to blow up your phone with messages about Mr. Ryder and all the specifics about his care. Telling you to beware of his blunt honesty, of his terrible habit of playing the drums all the time…

Your mouth was dry and your head felt dizzy. You tried to move but your muscles wouldn’t respond to your brain.

“Shh, honey, don’t move too much.” A female voice called out, hand touching yours.

Carefully you started to open your eyes, being hit with a massive white light. Blinking the initial shock away, you started to make out Helen’s figure. Taking in the full room, the plain white walls, the beeping of machines, the cast around your leg.

You were in your car driving to Mr. Ryder’s home, your phone blowing up with messages, how did you end up in the hospital? Your eyes searched Helen’s for some answers.

“You were in an accident, but you’re okay, everything will be fine.” She reassured and you could see the tears starting to pool in her eyes.

You squeezed her hand. Scared and alone. You took a second to process the whole situation. Your leg was completely immobilized, but for some reason moving the rest of your body felt like too much of an effort to bare.

Helen left your side to get you some water and you missed the touch, the comfort. Gladly you accepted the drink, sipping from the cup she brought to your mouth. The soreness on your throat didn’t leave though.

“Feeling better?” You gently nodded. “Good, you scared me,” your heart warmed at the confession.

Ever since you moved into town the woman has taken you under her wing. Living away from your entire family was exciting, but also terrifying, and Helen has always looked after you like you were one of her children. Unable to speak, you squeezed her hand, hoping to transmit to her all your gratitude with that simple gesture.

Your little moment was broken by the entrance of the doctor.

“Miss Y/L/N, I see you’re awake-”

“Good news doctor?” She interrupted him eagerly.

“Yes, you had some serious injuries,” he told you, “a broken leg and a stable spinal fracture, but you should be okay with the right care.”

Helen let out a sigh of relief, relaxing against the chair she was sitting in.

“We will be able to discharge you in two days, but you’ll need constant help on the day-to-day activities, forcing that spine fracture could lead to a spinal cord injury, and we must be sure to avoid that.” He explained.

“That shouldn’t be a problem, we can get someone from the agency to look after you, right?” She asked and you gulped.

You were always the one looking after other people, being the patient would be weird, especially if one of your employees were to be the caregiver. It would be weird, that’s for sure.

The doctor and Helen walked out of the room to discuss some specifics of your diagnosis, leaving you alone with your thoughts. You wanted to protest, the nurse side of your brain talking louder, but your vocal chords failed you.

The hospital itself wasn’t that bad. The food sucked, and you constantly found yourself alone in your room. The exams they ran were extremely painful as well. Okay maybe it was that bad, but at least you weren’t drowning in paperwork, or spending your day behind a desk.

Instead you spent your days in bed, in pain, of course, but somehow it was slightly better. Mr. Vega came to pay you a quick visit, and so did some of your colleagues. It was good company, despite lasting only a handful of minutes.

You were relieved when it finally came the day you could go home. Helen was the one who picked you up and drove you. Being in a car was frightening, even though you had no memories of the accident itself, but she was always there to comfort you.

She helped you settle on your apartment, the wheelchair really made moving around a difficult task.

“So, when is Mr. Vega sending the poor girl who’s gonna live with me for the next few weeks?” You asked, as you watched her struggle to push you around the furniture.

“Soon, I hope.” She flopped on the couch tiredly.

“Wow, already so eager to get rid of me?”

“You can be a handful,” she joked back, causing you both to chuckle. “Do you need anything?”

You rolled your eyes at her preoccupation, she’d been asking that every five minutes.

“I’m good.”

“Oh thank God.”

“Oh c’mon, I’m not that bad, but thank you Helen, really, you’ve been so much help.” She gave you a soft smile, taking your hand in hers and giving it a little squeeze.

A knock on the door caught your attention.

“That must be her,” Helen said, standing up to answer.

“Do you even know who it is?”

“Nope, Mr. Vega said he’d sent whoever was available, and since you had the accident he’s been running short on staff,” she finally found the keys, revealing the figure on the hallway.

“No,” your eyes went wide when you saw none other than Zooey Kern standing in your doorway, with a very displeased expression, “is this a joke?”

“I’m not happy about it either,” she simply stated, making her way inside, dropping the bags and supplies messily on the counter.

Helen just stared between the both of you with confusion, and some apprehension. Your feud with Zooey was very well known amongst the agency, except for Mr. Vega, apparently.

Before all this hate, you and Zooey were friends, really close friends. You’d both joined the company together and hit it off pretty quickly. You were truly inseparable, doing every and anything together.

That was until she and her - now - ex-husband started going through a divorce and you got a promotion. You’re not quite sure when, how or even why it happened, but Zooey began to hate your guts.

Asking or just striking a conversation always ended up with her yelling at you for no reason. After she said some really hurtful things you simply gave up on trying, there’s nothing you could do if she didn’t tell you what you did wrong.

“I have to go, please don’t kill each other,” Helen pitched, sending you a look of pity before heading out.

You didn’t say anything, just watched as she started to unpack. Reality hit you when she took out a few pieces of clothing, setting them down on the counter.

“What are those for?”

“You want me to spend two weeks in the same clothes?” She mocked.

“Don’t worry, you won’t be here for two weeks,” you made up your mind, “I’ll talk to Mr. Vega tomorrow first thing and ask for someone else.”

“Good luck with that, everyone is busy so it’s me or no one. And unfortunately for the both of us, you can’t be left alone.” You let out a scoff, the nerve she had.

“I can manage it fine on my own.” She was quick to dismiss that statement.

“You have a spinal fracture, plus your leg is in a cast, you can’t walk, or even stand up. If you force your back too much you could worsen the wound. Thinking about it, I might just let you…,” she gave you a smirk, an evil smirk.

That bitch. You couldn’t help the loud frustrated sigh that left your throat.

Turns out living with Zooey was bearable, for the first few hours. She kept to herself and so did you. That is, until the time came that you needed to take a shower.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She questioned as you rolled yourself towards the bathroom.

“Taking a shower,” you responded uninterested.

The wheelchair could barely fit on the small bathroom, making you irritated. Moving around to grab your stuff, such as your towel or anything inside a cabinet proved to be an even bigger challenge.

As your anger got the best of you, you pushed yourself up, leaning slightly on the sink, and used one of your hands to push the chair away. With the brace hugging your torso and the cast immobilizing any knee movement on the left leg, taking a step was almost impossible.

Taking a few deep breaths, making the brace feel even tighter than it should be, you decided to take a leap of faith. Hands away from the sink, you were about to do it when a pair of hands held you back.

“What are you doing?”

“My job,” Zooey’s voice came from behind you as her hands held you firmly by the waist, “you really think you can do this on your own?” Her cocky attitude was picking on your nerves, and you were not about to just let her give you a shower.

“I don’t need help,” you pushed her hands off of you, but they came right back.

“I’m not budging on this.”

“Why not? Wouldn’t you be happy if I just hurt myself even more?” You challenged.

“Yes, but if you did I would lose my job… and my license, so I’m gonna help you whether you like it or not.”

You huffed dramatically. She was right and you hated to admit that. And it has already been too hard to even get up on your own, how you planned on taking a whole shower like that was beyond you.

It was her job, and she was very useful, but damn she could’ve been gentler. Her hands were way too harsh on your skin, way too careless with the soap, and at some point you thought she was going to rip your hair off of your skull by how roughly she was washing it.

Nonetheless, the feeling of clean skin and a fresh pair of clothing was utterly refreshing. Zooey helped you get dressed, which almost ended with your arm being bent backwards, but you pushed your hatred away, determined to enjoy your first night back home in peace.

A movie played on the TV as Zooey prepared dinner. At that point you were warming up to the idea of having her around, especially if she was going to cook for you every meal. That thought was quickly thrown away as she handed you a plain boring sandwich. In revenge you decided to watch three more movies after that, keeping the woman from being able to sleep since she would be doing it on the couch.

“Okay, that’s enough,” she abruptly turned off the TV, “it’s already 2am and I want to sleep.”

“And I want to finish the movie,” you yanked the remote from her hands, turning the screen back on.

“You need sleep.”

“No, you need sleep, I’m totally fine.” You retorted.

Before you could do anything else, she got up from the couch, taking the remote from you, turning the screen off, and hiding it on the top shelf above the TV. You looked at her, dumbfounded.

“What are you doing?” You practically screamed.

“Making you listen to me, now bed.” She moved to try and transfer you to your wheelchair, which you avoided by pushing her back.

“This is my house, you don’t dictate the rules, and I said I don’t want to go to bed,” you argued.

“It won’t be your house if you die of exhaustion,” she reached for you again.

“I’m not tired.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You’re only using that as an excuse so you can go to sleep,” you challenged.

“Perhaps, or it’s because you have been picking on your nails for the past hour, and your legs haven’t stopped bouncing in a while,” instantly you stopped the movement, “you do this when you’re tired, plus your eyelids are trembling,” she pointed out.

She wasn’t wrong. You were tired. Especially since hospital beds weren’t the most comfortable which means you haven’t had a good night sleep in days. Truthfully, you just wanted to piss her off by staying up for so long, a small revenge for the shower earlier, but the idea of going to bed was seductive.

Begrudgingly you accepted her help, moving to your room, and comfortably laying in bed. This time, though, her movements weren’t as aggressive, she was surprisingly gentle. Soon enough you drifted off, already planning on calling Mr. Vega the next morning.

“Are you kidding?”

“I’m sorry Y/N, but currently she’s the only one available,” Mr. Vega spoke through the phone.

“Everyone is busy? Can’t you just switch them? I’m sure Zooey would be pleased to tend for anyone else,” you pleaded one more time.

“They’ve been taking care of these patients for months, some for years, switching probably won’t be the best course of action right now, you’ll just have to figure this out,” he explained, before finishing the call, leaving you extremely frustrated.

A groan left your lips just as Zooey walked in, catching her attention, an annoying smirk plastered on her face.

“Don’t even say it,” you warned while she just enjoyed watching how bothered you were by the situation, “why aren’t you mad? Wouldn’t you prefer to be anywhere else?”

“I would, but watching you like this makes it all worth it.”

You swallowed your anger, your urge to launch yourself at her, since you wouldn’t be able to do it anyways. Instead you turned around, hiding inside your room, not bearing to spend another second in front of her.

Soon you fell into a routine. You would keep to yourself, and so would she. Zooey would help you with showers, preparing meals and doing any extra shopping you’d need, while you would let her help, let her keep track of your medicine and go to sleep at reasonable hours. You stayed out of her way and she stayed out of yours.

It was fun, you had to admit. Since moving around was very limited, you took every opportunity you could to get Zooey to do the simplest of tasks. You’d ask her to grab you a cup of water every twenty minutes, to the point when she gave you an entire bottle. You’d drop random things just so you could ask her to pick them up.

Unfortunately the fun dissipated quickly, frustration settling in. You were starting to feel useless around the house, needing Zooey for everything, from simpler things, like picking up the remote from the coffee table, to harder - and more embarrassing - tasks, such as going to the bathroom.

It was no longer amusing to watch Zooey groan as she set about doing something for you, it was equally irritating.

“Can we go out?”

“Are you asking me on a date?” She mocked, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Don’t flatter yourself, I mean go out as in, go anywhere other than this place.” You explained, not in the mood to fight anymore. “Maybe a stroll through the park.”

“I’m not pushing you around a park.”

“Oh, you’re not? Then let’s see what Mr. Vega will think about me being locked inside, y’know how he is with the patients getting fresh air,” you challenged, reaching for your phone.

“Fine,” she gave in with a loud huff.

Getting you into the car was an entirely new challenge. At least you and Zooey had already figured out the best way to move you by now.

Arriving at the park was an utterly satisfying feeling. The last time you had seen anything other than your furniture was ten days ago, you were in desperate need of a change of scenery.

Zooey pushed you for a couple of minutes, and you took the chance to enjoy the smell of freshly cut grass and the warmth of the sun on your skin. But she got bored quickly, setting you beside a bench before sitting on it.

“Happy?” She asked, voice laced with annoyance.

“Yes, actually,” you responded excitedly, only pissing her off more.

You decided not to push it any further, and just enjoyed the silence for as long as it lasted, even if it wasn’t that long.

“Y/N? Zooey?” A voice coming from the left caught your attention and you locked eyes with the brunette walking towards you.

“Marie?” You were shocked, not expecting to see her.

“What happened?” She asked, taking in the state your body was in.

“Car accident,” you shrugged it off.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I see Zooey is helping you out, that’s nice of her.”

“Why don’t you fuck off Marie?” The blonde spoke harshly, but you chose to ignore her attitude.

“I’m getting better, what about you? What are you doing in town?”

“I had a meeting, I’m leaving right after,” you gave her a frown, hoping to have a chance to catch up.

“That’s too bad, next time you come let’s go for a coffee,” you pitched.

“Of course,” she sent you a smile then glanced at her watch, “actually I’m already 5 minutes late so I better get going.”

“I’m sorry for holding you,” you both chuckled.

“No worries, it was nice seeing you, I hope you get better soon.” You thanked her and pitched your goodbyes.

When she was out of sight, your eyes fell on Zooey,

“Why the long face?” You teased.

“I don’t like her, didn’t I make it obvious?”

“Why not? She’s nothing but nice,” you argued.

Marie used to work at the agency a couple of months back. She and you used to date, but broke it off when she was offered a job in a different state. The breakup wasn’t hard on you, you were fond of her, but after some time the relationship just wasn’t… working. The excitement had died down and boredom was the only thing left.

Nonetheless you had kept a friendly status with her, wishing nothing other than the best out of the new job. Zooey clearly doesn’t see eye to eye with you on this - as well as in many others things it seems.

“Nice?” She rolled her eyes. “That woman is everything but nice.”

“You never liked her.”

“And I don’t know how you did,” you shot her a raised eyebrow, “never mind.”

She got up and started to push you back to the car, but you weren’t about to drop the topic that easily.

“Why didn’t you like her?”

“She’s a pathological liar, Y/N. I can’t even count how many times she has lied about being sick or having some sort of emergency just to skip work.”

“That’s not true.” Your voice exuded more confidence on that statement than what you actually felt.

She helped you into the car, driving you back home. The ride was silent for the most part. You were lost in your own mind, repassing your moments with Marie.

Marie was never much of a sharer. Keeping most of her thoughts to herself, not very good when it came to talking about her feelings. But you always respected that, you didn’t push her, you didn’t question anything. She had a right to her privacy, right?

“She was just a very private person,” you uttered suddenly, more to yourself than to Zooey.

“You know that’s not true.”

“Not everyone has to be an oversharer,” you countered.

“There’s a difference between sharing and actively hiding things.”

You arrived home and Zooey wheeled you inside.

“How would you even know if she was hiding something?”

“Oh, please, she was always hungover after missing a day at work due to ‘family emergencies’, her stories changed every time she told them, she talked about hundreds of friends that we never got to meet…”

“Now you’re just making assumptions.” She let out a dry laugh.

“You are so innocent, it’s endearing,” her tone was derogatory, fanning your nerves.

“What does that mean?” You raised your voice.

“You were miserable when with her.”

“I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. You checked your phone every five minutes, you lost your focus when she didn’t show up at the agency, she took hours to text back keeping you out of it all day,” she pointed out.

“I was just worried,” you defended,” and what does this have to do with anything?” You were almost screaming at this point.

“She wasn’t good for you and you were too dumb to notice, apparently you still are.”

You gripped the armrest on the wheelchair, your knuckles gaining a white color from all the strength you were putting into it.

“Too dumb?” You growled.

“Yes, too dumb, she was obviously toxic and-” Tears were starting to pool on your eyelids due to the anger boiling inside you.

“What would you know about toxic relationships? You were the one who cheated on your husband.” You yelled and the room fell silent.

Zooey had an unreadable expression on her face. Her breathing was uneven and your heart was going a thousand miles a second. Biting back the tears, your vision cleared up enough for you to watch her turn around and leave. She walked out the door without another word, leaving you alone to collect your thoughts.

Everything felt overwhelming. Moving. Speaking. Crying. Has your relationship really been a joke for her? For Marie. Why didn’t Zooey ever tell you about it, all of it?

Maybe she did and you didn’t listen, didn’t care cause you were so blindly in love. Maybe you knew all along, just didn’t want to see it, to accept it was true.

How did this day turn so bad so quickly? You were mad at Marie, and you didn’t even know why. The relationship ended a while ago, it shouldn’t matter anymore.

You were mad at Zooey. She was your friend, at the time at least. And yet she hid the truth from you, letting you live through the anguish that the relationship had been. Now you were over it, you were happily living oblivious to all that mess but she felt the need to throw it all in your face.

The audacity she had. Calling you dumb for accepting that for so long when she got to the point of getting married to someone that didn’t make her happy. The hypocrisy. Hating someone for their toxic behaviour when she, herself had cheated on her husband instead of talking about her problems, her feelings.

Your chest was feeling tight, your body frozen in place. It had been minutes, maybe hours, since she left, you really couldn’t tell. You wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come out. You wanted to break something, but you were bound to this wheelchair, unable to move on your own without risk of causing more damage to your injuries.

A sudden need for water took over you, but one of the wheels got stuck on the carpet. You tried to set it free, but with all these feelings boiling inside you, it was in vain. With a mixture of impatience, frustration, anger and hurt, you threw yourself off of the chair, determined to get that water.

Standing up proved to be harder than expected, your muscles not having been used properly for the past two weeks. Crawling was worse, the effort put on your arms sending waves of pain to your spine.

Tears burned on your eyes at any attempt you made to reach the kitchen. Rage fueled you. Rage towards the whole situation. Towards the accident. Towards Marie. Towards Zooey. Towards yourself. Towards the fact that you became so useless you couldn’t even perform the simplest of tasks.

“Y/N! Oh my god!” Zooey’s voice echoed once she found you.

“No,” you screamed, “I don’t need your help!”

“Really? Look at you,” she said exasperatedly.

“I said no,” you tried to push her away in vain.

“Stop being so stubborn and just let me help or you’re gonna hurt yourself,” she managed to break through your fight, helping you to stand up.

“Don’t act like you care.”

“I do care.”

“No, you don’t! You have hated me for weeks and I don’t even know why!”

“Because you took the promotion that was supposed to be mine!”

“I never wanted the promotion, I just wanted you,” you blared to her face, breathing unevenly, eyes meeting hers. “All I wanted… was you,” you whispered in the dead silent room, “but at the time you were going through a divorce, you stopped talking to me, and I just needed the distraction, and the extra cash since my brother is starting college soon.”

“I didn’t cheat on him,” she admitted and you frowned, “my ex husband, I didn’t cheat on him.”

To say you were confused was an understatement. You remember it, when she told you everything, about the man she slept with, about the divorce, it was during your first fight. She noticed your questioning look.

“We had talked about the divorce already,” she explained, “before that party. I was going to tell you about it there actually, but then I saw you kissing that girl and something- something just- it just didn’t sit right with me. So… yeah… I did it to get back at you.”

“I- I- I don’t get it,” so many things were going through your mind, you couldn’t focus on anything properly, “that’s why you yelled at me the next day?”

“Kinda, the jealousy mixed up with the anger from you taking that promotion was too much and I just exploded.”

Your breathing was uneven, your face faintly red from the tears earlier. Zooey still held your body close to hers, keeping you from falling or straining your injuries. The feeling of her hand on your torso, her eyes watching yours deeply, made thinking that much more difficult.

“So what you’re saying is-”

“Just kiss me already.”

#zooey kern x reader #zooey kern #zooey kern imagine #kodachrome #elizabeth olsen #wanda maximoff x reader #elizabeth olsen x reader

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lexa-lives-in-us · 4 years

Text

Saving Tips for Hard Times

I found this old document where I collected a series of tips to save money. This is all part of my experience of when I was near homeless, and some work depending on where you live, some don’t. Here we go.

BILLS:

1. The optimum temperature for refrigerator operation is 5°C, and -18°C for freezer operation. As a rule of thumb, for each additional degree of refrigeration output about six percent more electricity is used.

2. Unplug your appliances. Lamps, microwave, tv, computers etc. They don't need to be plugged until you use them, and it saves energy to keep them unplugged. Therefore, money.

3. Do homework for phone companies and internet plans. Call them! Often they are toll free and if you mentioned that you were already with them or thinking of going with them and then found out another company had a better deal, they could offer you deals for lower prices. I had to do it all the time for my phone, until they couldn't really offer anything better.

4. BIKE. Invest in a used bike if you can, especially for the warmer months. It offsets the transit costs and better your health.

5. WALK. That's the same as the bike, honestly.

6. Pay your bills on time, you will avoid late fees which can up to HUNDREDS of dollars wasted over the course of a year. If you can, set up automatic payments so you don’t forget.

FRIDGE:

1. Every time the refrigerator door is opened, cold air escapes and warm ambient air enters. To compensate for the temperature increase in its interior, the refrigerator must then use energy to bring the temperature back down. Always avoid opening the door unnecessarily and for too long.

2. When defrosting frozen food place it in the refrigerator. Not only does this ensure that the food is carefully defrosted, its presence cools down the refrigerator interior, reducing the amount of work that the compressor has to do, and therefore lowering energy consumption.

3. Never put warm food in the refrigerator as this will heat up the interior, as well as other stored foods. Hot food should always be allowed to cool to room temperature before placing it in the refrigerator

MONEY:

1. Keep all the containers like glass bottles, juice bottles, jars, cans etc. Look for your Return-It depot and have trips to return them. They give back coins for laundry, small expenses etc

2. Use that junk mail. Go through it, find coupons for food, for essentials like toilet paper or shampoo.

3. CHECK. THAT. DOLLARSTORE. They often have things like pasta, ketchup, toilet paper, batteries etc for literally 1 dollar. Pasta is pasta, toilet paper is toilet paper. Seriously. Don't need to spend 5$ on a shampoo bottle when you can have it for 1/5 of the price.

4. Do homework and check with different banks for which one offers a better plan. Some of them are willing to help out. Sit down with their advisors, find the best solution!

5. Use the envelope system! For example, one envelope with a label “food” the other with “entertainment” the other with “bills”. Then set the right amount of cash for each. That’s what you’re allowed to spend each month. If you realize you need more for food, grab it from the entertainment envelope. Adapt and arrange as needed.

6. If you can, set up an automatic saving (example 50$ every paycheck) for both regular saving AND an emergency fund.

7. Use the 24-Hour Rule. Avoid purchasing expensive or unnecessary items on impulse with a self-imposed 24-hour rule. For any non-essential item, wait 24 hours before purchasing. It’s perfect for online shopping where your items can simply be added to your cart to purchase later.

8. Make a grocery list BEFORE going to the grocery store and STICK to it. You’re going to avoid buying things you don’t really need.

9. DO. NOT. SHOP. WHILE. YOU. ARE. HUNGRY. Or you’ll end up buying food that you actually don’t need just because you feel snacky!

10. Only use ATMs from your bank, or you get charged small fees.

11. Set a “No Spend Day” per week, where you consciously DO NOT spend any money for that day.

12. Ditch the paper: Cutting out paper towels and using cloths and napkins that you can simply wash and reuse is a simple way to save.

13. After you wear clothes, hang them outside your wardrobe, on a door or something. You can air them out a bit, then stick them in the closet without washing. You can basically reuse the same clothes two or three times without having to wash them, sometimes they just need a bit of air and they won’t smell AT ALL.

14. If you don’t own or want to spend money on an iron, hang whatever blouse you need to iron in the bathroom while you shower. The steam will humidify the fabric and straighten it up.

15. Hang stuff to dry. Really don’t need to spend money on the dryer.

16. Sign up to the library. They have so many books and DVDs nowadays. You can also just go, sit at the library and stay warm for a while, so that you don’t have to sit at home and either suffer the cold or use money on your own heat.

17. Budget, budget, budget. Get a lil notebook, write down the monthly expenses, cut what you don’t need. It gets easier with time.

FOOD:

1. Make a meal plan. Write 10-14 days worth of dishes that you can do (lunch, dinner, everything you need). You can then toss them around as you go on with your week, but that way you have a pretty clear idea of what you use and the food you go through for how long. It also reduces the risks of getting take out since you already have plans for what to eat.

2. Cook double! Seriously. Make that dinner and double it up. Leftovers can be frozen or put in the fridge for the day after.

3. Meal prep. Once a week, prep a bunch of different recipes. Let them cool down, stick them in the freezer. At that point you’ll already have all these meals at the ready to just thaw/microwave or oven up.

4. You don’t need pop. You don’t need alcohol. You most likely don’t need milk, but go for it if you wanna. Just remember dairy products go bad WAY more quickly than non dairies, so consider getting food and drinks with no dairy in them. Mainly, though. Water. Just drink water. Lots of it too! Sometimes our brain can’t tell the difference between hunger and thirst. You think you’re snacky? Drink some water instead! It’ll quell your hunger.

5. Freeze fruit! If you think you’re not gonna be able to eat fruit in time, put it in a Tupperware or a ziplock and slap it in the freezer. You’ll be able to then use it for smoothies.

6. Use the Italian saying “Colazione da re, pranzo da nobili, cena da poveri.” Which quite literally means “Breakfast as a king, lunch as a noble, dinner as a poor.” Breakfast should be very filling, carbs, protein, vitamins. It carries you for the whole day. Lunch should be quite filling too! But supper doesn’t really need a lot of it, and if you REALLY have to skip a meal, skip supper. Your body doesn’t need that much sustenance while sleeping.

7. This is for the desperate times but I’ve done it, and I would do it again if I ever had to. Go to markets that have like… Fruits and veggies. Talk to them. Ask them “HEY, can I have the fruit/veggie that you have to throw away?” Ask them if you can have the ugly produce, the one that doesn’t look pretty enough to be put out. Or ask them to have whatever extra they have to dump because is past the expiry date. EXPIRY DATE IS USUALLY MUCH LONGER THAN WHAT THE LABEL SAYS. I wouldn’t risk it with dairy stuff or with things that are VERY expired, but one or two days? Totally fine, I promise. And if you have to? Dumpster Dive. Especially at markets with fruit and veggies that have to be sold on the same day (because it’s not considered “fresh” past that day.) Or behind pizza places like Dominos or Panago or whatever chain. They get pizza orders wrong all the time. Just give a peak behind these buildings and look inside their boxes. You have no idea how many times I found perfectly fine pizzas. For free! IF YOU DUMPSTER DIVE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GLOVES, A MASK AND PLASTIC BAGS TO PUT YOUR STUFF IN. ONCE AT HOME, DISCARD GLOVES AND WASH PRODUCE THROUGHLY. Also check tumblr for your divers community, they usually know the best spots.

CLOTHES:

1. Thrift shop! So many GOOD used clothes are out there! Honestly! My whole wardrobe is thrifted and everything looks brand new. It takes a bit of research and maybe that shirt you liked is not in your size, but you can find EVERYTHING, from socks to bras, at a thrift store. Don’t thrift underwear though. You want to go new with those.

2. Invest in some needle and thread, then open youtube. There are SO MANY tutorials that teach you how to mend holes in socks and underwear. And really, no one will really notice if a mend is perfectly done or not. After a week, you’ll forget it too! But that prevents you from throwing away clothes that could just be mended a little.

3. Something doesn’t fit you? Too small, too big? YouTube, homie. They have tutorials on how to fix these kinda things! All you need, again, is needle and thread.

4. Organize clothes swaps with friends and/or neighbors. Everyone brings clothes they don’t need, put them in a pile. Go through the pile and grab whatever there is. There’s no money exchange, one could go home with 1 item and one could go home with 50 items. Who cares? The extra stuff… DONATE IT TO A SHELTER.

Feel free to add more, and stay safe!

#saving #saving tips #saving tip #money management #savings #small savings #homeless #saving account #my tips #signal boost #thrifting #dumpster diving #recycle #creative reuse #reduce reuse recycle #reducereuserecycle

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blackbat05 · 3 years

Text

I need a break

Shangqi x Reader (Platonic)

A/N: I feel like I’m loosing steam towards the end of my placement and wow I have never needed a break this badly before. Perhaps a short Shangqi x Reader imagine where they are both University students. Seriously at this rate I’ll just be solely a Shangqi writer HAHAHA. Doing this on my phone because I don’t want to open my work computer. Let’s see where this impromptu idea takes me to. Hope you enjoy it and as always like and comment if you wish!

Genre: PG-13

Warnings: None really, just friends supporting each other! I guess there’s an inaccurate timeline if you look at the MCU but hey this is an imagine plus if you look at some of the wiki pages, Shangqi is actually born in 1998/1999. So appreciate if you’re kind enough to go with the flow to read this comfort fic!

‘Y/N!’ Shangqi rushes to catch up with you after class. You made an effort to conceal your tiredness but he saw it right through. ‘Gosh…you alright?’

You think to yourself. Were you really alright? The answer was pretty obvious. You were ten weeks into your placement and your emotions were a jumbled up mess. Having to deal with work responsibilities was one problem, school assignments were another issue all together. At this point, you felt like you were just getting through each week for the sake of it.

At first, you believed that what you were going through was simply a transition to becoming an adult. You thought that naturally, you would be able to persevere through the stressful periods by yourself. But of course, it has been hard.

You were a social work intern at a neighborhood youth centre, thirty minutes away if you took the train and bus. The work was fulfilling in it’s own ways, but recently there were self-doubts filling your brain, if you were really cut out for the job in the future. If you weren’t, what else could you do?

As you sat with Shangqi in the school’s student-ran cafe, you found yourself pouring out the exact same concerns to him. Credit to him, Shangqi never interrupted your monologue, he just simply listened. That’s what best friends were for. That’s what you did for him to when he ran into issues with his family.

Even then, he couldn’t deny that hearing you doubt yourself broke his heart. He had known you since high school. You mostly kept to yourself and one or two close friends. Despite joining the school’s athletic team where you were one of the main athletes, you preferred to stay in the shadows unlike some of your teammates. That didn’t stop you from going out of your way to help other students in need; like helping the girl who was in an arm cast to copy the social studies notes, even if it meant you had to do it twice. Or maybe just talking to a friend who was stressed out about their results.

Basically, you had studied your ass off to get a secured spot at this university who were only one of the few that offered the degree. He remembers you telling him the moment you got your offer, ‘I’m finally good at something. I don’t have to worry anymore!’

Shangqi wasn’t stupid. The pandemic had done some crazy things. And by crazy, it affected the self-esteem that you had been working so hard on by participating in various projects and events, with you being in charge of a drama production that was promoting on mental health. That was a big deal considering that you were a major introvert.

Online engagement was never easy. In fact he has heard some of your struggles that you’ve shared with him regarding this and it only makes him admire you even more. For someone who preferred to keep to themselves, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, to take on a role that wasn’t just simply about helping people - that took guts.

‘I’m sorry I’m just loading you with all this. I just feel…’ You trailed off, suddenly becoming emotional again. Again, Shangqi does not pry. ‘That I can’t do anything right.’ You emphasize that you had ended the statement for you were unsure that you could keep your cool if you had tried to continue on.

‘If I hear you saying sorry another time,’ he chides, ‘you’re paying for our meal later.’ Your lips curved upwards slightly before returning to its somber position. Shangqi decides that a meal won’t cut it. He needs to deploy ‘Operation Y/N’. Standing up with your buzzer to collect the food, Shangqi whips out his phone. There will be a few changes for today.

Food was definitely a cure in this situation, but it was only a part of the solution. After inhaling your ramen at light speed, Shangqi tells you that today will be a different Friday. ‘And you can’t complain! It’ll be a weekend tmr,’ he tells you. So why not? You figured that even if you went back home early, your head wouldn’t be in the right place to complete the essay for your English module.

‘Hold up! The VR studio that Katy was talking about?’ You look at the tickets inside the taxi that was taking you and Shangqi to the location. ‘How did you even, it was so hard to get these tickets!’ From the time Shangqi met you outside the classroom, he had yet to see you so ecstatic. Until now.

‘Well,’ Shangqi gives his best shrug. ‘I called in a favor from a friend. Said that it was for emergency purposes.’ He raised his fingers to make connotations in the air much to your amusement.

‘Wow… just how much do I not know about you Mr Popular?’ You teased. Shangqi decides to leave the fact on him having to persuade the Wakandan Princess in giving him free tickets.

‘Please! I swear whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it! It’s for Y/N!’

‘Ey well why didn’t you say so? If it’s for that nice friend, of course!’ Shuri leaves the entrance of the compound, an exasperated Shangqi trailing behind.

Yeah, the VR studio that Katy told them about was also funded by King T’Challa himself. With stunning life like visuals thanks to Wakandan technology, the VR studio was located in a middle class neighborhood. T’Challa believed that no matter where kids came from, they should have the right to enjoy and to explore the world. For now, he wasn’t ready to share that he was on the way on becoming a full-fledged Avenger yet - you just had too much on your plate. He’ll just have to settle with this white lie.

‘Is Katy coming?’ You were on the verge of vibrating off your seat. ‘She would love this place!’ Even when you were struggling, Y/N still manages to think about other people. Today, Y/N will put her needs first.

As if to answer your previous question, you can see an equally excited Katy waiting for the two of you at the roundabout. ‘HEL-LO EVERYONE! LET’S GET OUR FRIDAY STARTED IN PROPER SHALL WE?’ Her loud voice had attracted stares, some very displeased looks too but at this point in time, you didn’t give a damn. Katy was right, it was time to enjoy!

You wished that you could slow down time, or even replay it continuously when you needed cheering up because the only thing you felt was pure happiness - euphoria even. Your stomach was in knots for laughing hysterically together with Katy when Shangqi jumped in shock from a surprise scare from a zombie. ‘I’m keeping that for leverage,’ she tells you, quietly slipping her phone into her fanny pack.

The Wakandans had really outdone themselves this time. Your favorite VR was the paradise VR. Slipping the headgear, you say goodbye to the smiles of Katy and Shangqi, whisking away to a beach that oddly reminded you of your dream destination - Hawaii. From where you were standing, you were surrounded by green and majestic islands. Despite their sheer size, you weren’t intimidated. In fact, you were healing.

Your mind was no longer in the room of the VR studio. How could it when the sun kissed your skin, giving you the much needed energy that you were lacking for so long? In the room, the two sees you kick your shoes to the side, going barefoot. It may have seem strange, but with the monitor beside you, your actions were perfectly logical.

As a kid, you used to despise the prickly feeling of sand in between your toes. But now, you grew to love the sensation that each grain of sand had on your skin. It made you feel grounded, that everything was going to be ok. You raise your virtual hand to touch your face - were you crying?

‘She must have been really stressed huh?’ Katy whispers to Shangqi who nods in return. How he hated the fact that you were giving so much to your work but still felt underappreciated. Forget the Avengers with superhuman abilities, you were the true MVP. The VR ends and you remove your headgear. ‘I’m ok,’ you automatically reassure them despite the dry tears left on both cheeks. You step down the platform slowly, trying to regain sense of the real world.

What you didn’t expect was the two embracing you in a hug, squishing you in between them. Maybe that had set off the waterworks. For someone like Katy, she had sage advice.

‘Life can be pretty shitty right? But I’m so proud of you fighting it Y/N. Just remember that it’s ok to be weak. I mean, I’ve seen worse from Shangqi,’ she jabs her finger towards his direction, earning a glare from him. That’s Katy, always trying to add a bit of humor to this grey world. Calming down, you let go of the both of them. ‘Thanks guys, for everything.’

‘Hey,’ Shangqi responds, slinging his arm over your shoulder. ‘We’re friends, so we don’t leave each other behind.’ Phone beeping, he retrieves it to check the message. ‘And look at that, nice timing. Who wants Korean BBQ?’

Trailing behind them, you get an amusing view of Shangqi bickering with Katy on how many Soju bottles she’s allowed to order later. As San Francisco welcomed the night, you were just thankful that you had the two of them to walk through this crazy maze called life.

‘Last one to the shop is paying!’

‘Oh you’re on Mister!’

A/N: I really just think that this was also an imagine for me to cope too. So I can only hope to finish my placement/assignments/exams well! To anyone who does studies and work simultaneously, I fucking respect you (allow me to use expletives for now, these people deserve the respect). If you’re going through a stressful time, I hope this brings the slightest comfort for you and remember… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Again, thank you for reading!

#shang chi #xu shangqi #shangqi x reader #shangqi imagine #katy shang chi #shang chi x reader #shangqi #simu liu

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bubblesuga · 4 years

Text

Sleep

“the world is brighter than the sun now that you’re here...”

Summary: Yoongi has never felt more relaxed than he has while in your arms

W/C: 2,047

Genre: Fluff

Tags: brief mention of ass

A/N: Apparently I’m not done with this soft shit yet. Soft Yoongi kills me.

Yoongi’s feet carry him into the only room he knows will be empty.

It was moving day and Yoongi was completely unprepared. Sure, he knew that he was basically going to be rebuilding his set up from the bottom to the top, he just didn’t realize that would also include constantly helping Hoseok and Namjoon with theirs as well. Yoongi prides himself on being quite knowledgeable about musical tech but sometimes it’s overwhelming.

He walks quickly, dodging people and ignoring the calls of his name because he knows he’ll get wrapped into helping someone else with some nonsensical tech ‘problem’, taking up even more time and raising his anxiety beyond what he can manage on his own.

Sticking his master key into the door, he realizes it’s already unlocked. He grits his teeth for a moment and tries to think of another place where he could possibly get some peace and quiet. Unfortunately for him, he hears Jimin calling Yoongi’s name and it’s either entering this room or getting dragged away from his rest.

The door slowly creaks open and he peeks inside, seeing that it’s dimly lit and quiet. What’s supposed to be a vocal practice room has yet to become so, the shell of a computer laying on the floor and a very tired intern sleeping beside it.

Yoongi instantly smiles.

You began working at the company a little less than 3 months ago, and you were learning fast. What would normally take people years to learn, you were consuming in weeks and Yoongi was impressed. You had signed on in an attempt to learn more about producing, which lead you to work with pdogg and Yoongi relatively closely. As a result, Yoongi’s first instinct isn’t to wake you up and tell you off for sleeping on the job. Instead, he lays beside you, mirroring your body.

Your eyebrows are scrunched and a frown overtakes your lips, showing that you have been just as stressed as Yoongi. He reaches his hand forward to run his thumb along the crease in your brow but stops himself, his hand pulling back quickly.

It’s definitely not the first time he’s thought about pressing a kiss to your forehead in an attempt to ease your mind. As you were helping pack away the recording equipment near the studio, Yoongi could see the way you blew air out of your mouth and attempted to wipe away your stress with the back of your hand. Then, Yoongi wanted to wrap his arms around you and reassure you that you were doing everything right.

You stir and Yoongi scoots a little further away, the pout on your lip softening but the crease in your brow just as strong.

Yoongi has always found you incredibly beautiful, but it baffles him that even in your sleep you somehow manage to look ethereal.

He debates on waking you, hearing constant footsteps outside the door that caused him to worry that you’ll be caught sleeping-- or that he’ll be caught watching you.

A sigh leaves his lips and he reaches over, resting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing softly, “____, it’s time to wake up.”

You stir again, this time opening your eyes briefly. You gasp, jumping at the sight of Yoongi. He chuckles, “Be lucky I was the one who caught you and not someone else.”

You blink, your heart thudding in your chest loud enough for Yoongi to hear. For a moment he thinks it’s because you’ve seen him, but he remembers that he scared you awake.

“What are you doing in my nap spot?” You question, a whiny tone to your voice that makes Yoongi’s heart flutter.

“Arguably, you’re in my nap spot.” Yoongi bites back, trying to hide the way his cheeks turn red when you mirror him again.

You giggle, “It’s both of our nap spot.”

“Ah, does that mean you’re going back to sleep?”

“No,” you shake your head, wiping away the sleep from your eyes, “I have to finish setting up the computer and making sure everything runs correctly.”

Yoongi sits up, tugging the computer tower to him and plugging in all the wires to the correct input. You open your mouth to protest but Yoongi sends a glance your way and continues setting up. Funnily enough, he doesn’t mind helping you. Rather, he sometimes wonders if that’s what he was searching for in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t peace and quiet he wanted, maybe it was just your presence.

“Y’know, you can’t keep doing my job for me. I’m going to have to learn some time,” you say after a few moments of watching Yoongi work, “how else am I going to become a badass producer like you?”

Yoongi smiles shyly at the compliment, reaching backward and scratching behind his ear, a nervous habit he wishes he could get rid of. “I like helping you.” is the only thing he can bring himself to say.

“Well, you can only help me so much, Mr. Min.” you point a finger in his direction, and Yoongi rolls his eyes as he continues to work.

He stands up and turns on the tower and the monitor, allowing the computer to boot up and sitting back down beside you. He sits much closer to you than before, and takes notice in the way you don’t make an attempt to move.

“All done.” he whispers softly, clearing his throat in the process.

You nod, “Of course I fell asleep just before the easiest part.”

“Eh, it’s okay,” before Yoongi realizes what he’s doing, he wraps an arm around your shoulder, “you needed the rest. It’s been a long day.”

Again, you don’t move away from him. Instead, you rest your head on his shoulder and cuddle up closer to him. Something about the atmosphere of the small room makes Yoongi feel bold, and his hand rubs up and down your shoulder. Despite not knowing you for long, you’re the person who he finds the easiest to talk to.

“It’s been a long day for you as well.”

“Mhm, which is why I came to nap but you were already in here.” He teasingly reaches forward and pinches your nose, which causes you to push his hand away and clasp it in yours to prevent him from doing it again. Yoongi instantly prays you don’t notice the way his hand shakes in yours, but he realizes you do with the way your thumb moves to stroke his.

“I’m not stopping you from napping,” she replies, “you can nap all you want.”

In an oddly bold move, Yoongi grins, “Can I use you as a pillow?”

You glance up at him, eyebrow raised, “What part of me?”

Yoongi’s mouth runs dry at your question, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly while he tries to find an answer to your question. You don’t give him the chance, though, as you lay on your back and pull him down with you.

With a giggle, you pull Yoongi’s head to your chest and softly run your fingers through the section of hair behind his ear. Yoongi wordlessly follows your lead, wrapping his arms around your midriff and trying to calm his breathing. The heat that radiates off your body causes Yoongi to flush, but at the same time he begins to slow his breathing.

“Comfy?” you question.

“Y- yes.” he responds, allowing himself to fall solely into you. The way your fingers run through his hair makes him feel like this is where he’s meant to be. It reminds him of the touch of a previous lover, who softly coaxed him to sleep after a night out. Yet, it’s different with you as well. Your nails are longer, they send chills down his spine, and the bare skin that resides in the V cut of your shirt seems to fit his face perfectly.

With that, Yoongi feels himself drift off to sleep.

~*~*~

“Should we wake them?”

“No, they look cute... we can’t disturb that.”

“They’re sleeping on the job, though. _____ could get in trouble if her manager sees her.”

“Shh, Yoongi has been wanting this since she started here. Besides, we can overturn any manager here.”

Yoongi can’t make out the voices that are whispering, and he can’t quite seem to pull himself out of his lull yet. Instead, he’s hyper aware of the way your breathing sounds in his ear, your heart beat softly thudding beneath your chest.

He feels himself drifting back into the deep sleep he fell into, but a hand rests on his shoulder.

“Hyung, it’s time to go home.”

“I said not to wake them!”

Yoongi is beginning to recognize the voices. Namjoon and Jimin are in the room, and Yoongi feels his nose scrunch.

“Fuck off.” he murmurs against your chest, snuggling deeper into your soft skin.

“Come on now, you can’t sleep on the studio floor all night.” Namjoon’s voice is low, and Yoongi feels you begin to move.

“Are you coming home with us tonight?” Namjoon’s attention is now directed to you, and Yoongi decides it is best to open his eyes now. The same dim lighting greets him and he cranes his neck to see your face.

You’re eyes are still closed but you open your mouth to speak, “Why would I be coming home with you guys?”

“Because Yoongi is refusing to let go of you.” Jimin speaks commonsensically, though Yoongi can tell he’s teasing.

You absentmindedly reach your hand to his hair again, “Shall I go home with you and continue our sleep there?”

Yoongi nods, his chin against your chest, “I’d love that.”

As the four of you exit the vocal room, Yoongi guides your sleepy figure into the elevator where you reach the parking garage. Jimin drives, the rest of the members already having left and made their way into their beds. On the drive home, Yoongi doesn’t let go of your hand.

It’s unspoken, and although you haven’t done anything to confirm it, the two of you are aware of the change in your personal relationship. Something so simple--like falling asleep together, has caused Yoongi’s confidence to grow.

Though sleepiness is still clouding you two, Yoongi opens his mouth to speak for the first time since leaving the office, “Do you like me, _____?”

You laugh, it’s soft and melodic, “No, I just followed you here to sleep in the big comfy bed.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened to me,” Yoongi jokes, pulling back the duvet and slipping his shirt off his torso, “Here, that shirt and jeans can’t be comfortable to sleep in.”

You nod, glancing back to the walk in closet. Yoongi nods, “You can change in there.”

As you shut the closet door, Yoongi slips off his own jeans and slips beneath the covers. He reaches to the side and fluffs the pillow you’ll be using, then folding his arms beneath his head and watching the door for you to come out.

When you enter into the main room again, Yoongi’s shirt doesn’t hang as low on you as he thought it would. It stops just below your ass, riding up when you bend down to place your folded clothes onto the chair in the corner.

He tears his eyes away from your ass when you turn around, pulling but the duvet for you to slip beneath.

You happily hop beside him, “Oh god you’re bed is soft. . .”

Yoongi chuckles, “You’ll sleep well then.”

You mirror his position, smiling softly, “I don’t think the bed is what will make me sleep well tonight.”

He gnaws at his bottom lip, “What do you mean?”

You don’t respond verbally, instead you lean forward and press a light, warm kiss to Yoongi’s lips.

Immediately his body ignites in fire, his hand flying up to rest against your cheek. That’s as far as it goes, though, because the kiss is over just as quickly as it started.

“Goodnight, Yoongi.” You whisper, reaching behind you and turning off the lamp on your side.

Yoongi grins, feeling his stomach swarm with butterflies. You move to rest your head on his chest, intertwining your legs with his. Yoongi holds you tight, his face alight with joy, “Goodnight.” he whispers back.

#min yoongi #soft yoongi #yoongi x reader fluff #yoongi x reader #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader smut #yoongi x yn #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #bts #bts x reader

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writingmyanxietyaway · 4 years

Text

Confessions | El Profesor

Requested by anon: can i request a lcdp imagine where the reader likes the professor and she confesses nights before the heist but he wants to stay true to his relationship rule so she is heartbroken so she doesn’t want to talk to him and when the heist comes she doesn’t eat and sleep and he gets really worried about her so he expresses his true feelings to her

Word count: 1.8k

Warning: mention of a gun, not eating/drinking, angst

Note: takes place in the first season! Hope you like it, enjoy! xx

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You were in a difficult position. On one hand you wanted to wait until everything was over. On the other hand you were unsure if you would make it out alive. You knew about his rule not to engage any relationships of any kind and he took it very seriously, but the thing was you absolutely him to death and you were willing to take that risk. So here you were, about to confess your feelings for him.

You waited until everyone had left the classroom and took a deep breath. You had clammy hands and you were lightly trembling.

‘I- uhm.. Can I talk to you for a minute?’ you asked the Professor. He turned around, away from his chalkboard with raised eyebrows. His glasses had slipped down his nose a little, so he pushed them up. You found it adorable. Just like how he scrunched his nose whenever you talked to him.

‘Sure. Did I talk too fast or was I not clear about something?’ he stuttered. He instantly started doubting himself if he had indeed missed anything he was supposed to explain.

‘No, no. You were great. I just, uhm.. I kind of have something to tell you..’ you trailed off, ‘something personal.’

‘Bali, you know how I feel about sharing personal information. I specifically told you,’ he stated. Suddenly you felt incredible stupid. How did you think this was going to work when he clearly said he didn’t want any personal information shared?

‘I know.. I just want you to know something in case things go south. It doesn’t have to get in the way of your whole plan. If you don’t feel the same, we can just pretend it never happened.’ You waved your hand around, not really knowing what to do with your hands. ‘I just wanted you to know that I really like you. More than a friend or teacher, or whatever you are to me. I think you’re really handsome and nice. So, yeah..’ you spoke.

You couldn’t read his face. You saw somewhat of shock flash across his face, but you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

‘Well..? Am I just embarrassing myself or do you maybe feel the same? It doesn’t have to be a long answer. Just a yes or no is fine,’ you rambled.

He looked at you, fumbled with his glasses and turned back to the chalkboard.

‘I’d rather had you hadn’t shared this. This makes it all a lot more complicated,’ he sighed and grabbed a piece of chalk. ‘Can I still trust you to complete your tasks?’

You frowned, feeling not only rejected but also very used at the same time.

‘I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m just asking if you might feel the same.. You don’t have to be so rude,’ your voice cracked. Sergio mentally slapped himself in the face for hurting you, but he had to.

‘You knew the rules. I told you not to share anything personal. Relationships make this all a lot more difficult. I cannot allow this to fail. I made those rules for a reason,’ he said. It was like a slap in the face. He didn’t even have the respect to tell you a) if he did or did not feel the same, but also b) to look you in the eye.

‘Yeah, you mentioned that, twice, but the least I deserve is an answer to my face. I guess that answers my question. Just forget I said anything.’

Obviously, that was impossible for the both of you. The next few days were awkward and very uncomfortable. You tried listening to everything The Professor was saying, but you couldn’t look at him. You did notice him staring at you once every while, making Berlin tease you and Denver tease him. You found it all very embarrassing and couldn’t wait until you were inside the bank to escape his face.

Everything went according to plan. You got in, locked everyone out and had now been inside for almost 2 days. You loved every part of it. The tension with Berlin got out of hand for a while, but soon after the storm blew over and you were back in the game.

‘Are you okay? You haven’t eaten since yesterday..’ Nairobi asked you, genuine concern written over her face. It was true. You weren’t hungry or thirsty so you hadn’t eaten. Usually you had a great appetite, but you couldn’t bring yourself to eat. Everyone noticed, though. Including Sergio. He noticed you were always wandering around the halls, not even sleeping. He was incredibly worried and felt like an idiot for behaving the way he did. He sat behind his computers, fidgeting with his hands, wanting to do something.

‘Yeah, fine. Just got a lot on my mind, is all,’ you nodded at her. She didn’t look convinced in the slightest, so she grabbed a sandwich and handed it to you.

‘I want this eaten in an hour. If you’ve not eaten it I will push it down your throat,’ she sternly told you. You chuckled.

‘Yes, mother.’

As soon as she left, you threw it back in the fridge. When you heard yelling in the hallway, you grabbed your weapon and braced yourself for what you would find. Berlin was obviously yelling loudly again, threatening to shoot Arturo. Same shit different day.

It was now two days later and you had eaten a little bit more than one sandwich since Nairobi basically forced you to eat. You looked a lot more tired, your energy level had dropped to -4 and you were phisically and mentally exhausted. You looked like shit, to say it lightly. Sergio had grown more and more worried, telling the others to keep an even closer eye on you.

‘Drop the gun,’ you told Berlin, who had his gun pointed at Denver. He only smirked. ‘Denver, you too. I’m not fucking around. We need each other. We can’t just keep shooting at one another just because we’re stressed. Think for once, damn it.’ You raised your voice gradually as you spoke.

Berlin raised his eyebrows at you. His eyes flickered from your gun to Denver, who was about to burst with anger. As you held out your gun, the strength in your arms weakened. You tried your best holding up the gun, but when you focussed on your arms, your vision got blurry. When you tried focussing your vision again, your arms started trembling.

‘Berlin, please,’ you sighed. Your mouth got incredibly dry all of a sudden and your speech turned more into slurs. You felt yourself getting weaker by the second and this child’s play cost too much of the little energy you had left. Denver quickly lowered his gun when he saw you sway back and forth.

‘Bali? Bali!’ You saw him rushing to you, just like Berlin before your vision turned completely black and you fell to the floor.

‘We told her to eat! It’s not our damn fault. She’s too stubborn to listen.’

Your hearing slowly came back before you could open your eyes. You felt someone hold your hand while someone else was on the phone.

‘No, of course not... Yes, we did that already. Shouldn’t be too long before she wakes up,’ the voice came closer, ‘I think she’s waking up, hold on.. Bali, honey, can you hear me?’

You nodded lightly before slowly opening your eyes. Moskú held the phone while Rio held your hand. You were in the office, laying on one of the couches. You had an IV in your arm and a bag of liquid hung next to the window. You waved to the camera in the corner, letting The Professor know you were in fact alive.

‘He wants to talk to you.. We’ll give you some privacy while you two talk. When you’re done, just give us a call,’ he smiled and handed you the phone.

‘Thank you, guys. For everything,’ you tried smiling, but you were still too weak. They gave you a kiss on the head and left to the hallway.

‘Starving yourself? Really?’ Was the first thing you heard when you held the phone to your ear. You groaned loudly.

‘No, I just wasn’t hungry. Adrenaline, probably,’ you muttered. ‘Why do you care anyway? It’s not like I’m any good use compared to the others.’

‘Are you serious? You and Berlin are the leaders of this entire plan, Bali. How could you be so stupid?! We need you and we need you alive. Too many people have died already, I can’t loose you too,’ he stuttered. You heard his jagged breath.

‘Are you done?’ you asked, not wanting to deal with his whining anymore.

‘I’m sorry..’ he sighed, ‘You scared me. I thought I was going to loose you, Y/N.’

Your breathing stopped for a second and you sat up. He never called anyone by their actual names. You didn’t even know he knew yours.

‘Why did you call me that?’ you asked, heart beating loudly in your chest. ‘You said no personal details or any information.’

‘I know.. I just had to know your name. God, I want to know everything about you. Your favourite breakfast, your favourite country, what your goals in life are.. I want to know it all. And that scares me. I’ve never had this urge to get to know someone as much as you. You’re perfect in every way and I almost lost you,’ he confessed. Your felt your heart flutter and you turned your head to look into the camera.

‘What are you saying?’ you asked him, hoping to finally hear want you’ve wanted to hear for the past two weeks.

‘I.. I like you. A lot. And I was too scared to tell you because I’ve never felt anything like this before for anyone. I was so rude to you and you don’t deserve that. Please forgive me?’ he asked hopefully. You couldn’t help the smile that grew on your lips.

‘Waffles with strawberries, kiwi’s and mango,’ you answered.

‘What?’ he asked, completely confused by your answer.

‘My favourite breakfast,’ you winked into the camera. You heard him let out a laugh on the other end of the line, making you smile as well.

‘So, who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?’ you whispered.

‘Sergio. Sergio Marquina.’

‘Nice to meet you Sergio. Now, get me out of here. I want to go to the beach.’

#la casa de papel #lcdp #lcdp imagine #el professor x reader #el professor imagine #alvaro morte #lcdp x reader

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