#going to take a while to recover from this just like when I had to take all those extensions for my finals in grad school

[pomefioredove]

can I request house wardens + leech twins with a reader who doesn't eat enough bc Crowley doesn't give them enough for food, and they end up really ill and collapsing or something. I'm cravin some fluffy comfort rn, pls and thank you 🙏

I got you🫡🫡 as someone who's been through an eerily similar situation, I really liked this request

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ another crowley moment™️

type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, floyd, jade, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, mentions of food and not eating

Riddle wouldn't even have to like you to rush to your side. but he does like you, which makes it all the worse

after checking your vitals, you're in the infirmary. he's got doctors for parents, after all, and he knows that malnutrition is bad

he should have seen the signs...

with exams coming, he's been so busy, and he assumed that you were just tired from studying

but he can feel guilty later. right now, he needs to focus on you getting well again, and not killing Crowley

(then, of course, he'll look for some legal statute or clause that he can threaten Crowley with so you're fed properly)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona noticed you'd been acting a little weird lately, but watching you collapse still puts him in shock

luckily, Ruggie and Jack are nearby to help you to the infirmary, so Leona can focus on hunting Crowley down like an animal

there are very few times where Leona is particularly grateful for his status, but this is one of them. just one word on how his family will be hearing about Crowley's neglect, and the old bastard is begging him for forgiveness

even after that, Leona still sends Ruggie with snacks and drinks to Ramshackle

and if you ever scare him like that again, you'll regret it (lovingly)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

the news of you collapsing during flight lessons reaches Octavinelle rather fast. no one is particularly surprised, since Floyd had mentioned how easily you'd been bruising lately just the night before, but everyone is certainly worried

Azul is the first at your side, asking you all sorts of questions, worried sick. Jade has to remind him to give you space to rest, since you look exhausted (had you always had those dark circles? how could Azul have not noticed?)

now, Azul and the tweels could easily find a way to pressure Crowley, but they know better than to trust him

from now on, you'll be eating in the Mostro Lounge, free of charge

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

perhaps Kalim was just oblivious, because he really didn't think anything was wrong until you were suddenly on the floor in front of him

sure, you'd been a little moody lately, but he figured it was just a thing you were going through. and besides, you know that you can talk to him about anything... right?

Jamil hurries to check your pulse, and shouts for him to get the school nurse- which is jarring, because Jamil never shouts

when you explain everything to Kalim later, he feels... terrible. he should've known- no, he should've asked

Kalim insists you stay at Scarabia while you're recovering, and makes sure you have the most enriching, delicious meals money can buy

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil knew it was bad, but not this bad. if he had known you were on the verge of collapsing, he would've taken a firmer approach to getting you to eat

you're going to worry him to death someday, you know that?

after he's done verbally eviscerating Crowley, he'll insist on joining you at every meal. he'll eat at Ramshackle, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if that's what it takes

he's subtle about it, at least

if he notices that your plate feels empty, he'll just take some food from his and put it on yours. gracefully, elegantly, without a word

you'll come home one day to see your kitchen stocked with vitamins, supplements, and apples (courtesy of Epel)

<3 and a note that says he'll treat you to dinner whenever you want

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

never scare Idia like that ever again. he wasn't even with you when you collapsed, and he STILL nearly had a heart attack

listen, he knows he's not a great role model when it comes to nutritional eating, but you have got to tell him these things. he would've had Ortho go get takeout! or something!

typical Crowley behavior, SMH. what does he think you are? a rabbit? even the school horses get treated better...

no way that Idia is going to even bother with that old fart, anyway. you want something? he'll get it for you. you don't even have to ask, he'll just send food to your place (and have Ortho check your vitals more often but shhh)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I would not want to be in the room when Malleus finds out about this

not even the building. you know what? I'd steer clear of the whole island, because it will not be pretty

when you collapse in front of him, it feels like he's dying, too. the panic sets in, and he sends Lilia to look after you, and Silver and Sebek to escort you to the infirmary, and then he casually threatens to smite Crowley. obviously

if the students and staff of NRC thought Malleus was scary just being Malleus, he's terrifying when he's mad

(rest assured that you will be getting ten times the amount of food from now on)

it's thunderstorms for days after, but he never leaves your side

[missfertileandferal]

lowkey super anxious to post this but im missing you guys so much <3

i plan on a solid return soon! i just wanted to get off my chest whats been going on:

Earlier this year, I dealt with an awful situation of my kinky stuff leaking into real life. My insane coworkers found my content and as I was serving on the clock, proceeded to show my customers and all the staff. then i was fired. Im traumatized to say the least but I over came it.

Come mid summer, I planned so step back for a little bit to move apartments no more than a couple weeks. What happened was both my job (i worked with close family friends so stressful) and a really bad situation with a companion found about my kink stuff. i never expected or was prepared for the humiliation, deception, and pain that would come from my fetish journey

My last job was such a loss. I had been blessed with a cute job as a medical office assistant without any credentials (i wasnt doing anything out of my capabilities of course) it was so peaceful and perfect compared to the drama of my last gig plus working with familiar people felt just like home honestly. Then I got covid. I was out for 2 weeks, at the same time i was moving into my new place. I tried calling them back to let them know I was cleared and ready to get back to work. I received a humiliating text. I was dismissed. That turned into a crippling anxiety of them confessing to my family what I do in my past time

The following week I was met with more disappointment. Ive said this before but I dont have many people in my corner. It used to suck to admit but I stand with pride now knowing those who are around me love me 100% regardless what I do or dont do.

One of my dearest dearest friends, who I had previously communicated what I do (not to a full extent they always respected it) called me very dramatically only a week before I planned to see them (they live across the country and we ALWAYS visit each other when in our cities) It still doesnt feel real tbh, the call only last 40 seconds. I was informed that “I was going on the wrong path” and could no longer be associated with. That’s alls that happened. 8 years down the drain

I was informed by outside sources that my hometown opps had gotten hold of my content (who my ex friend still associate with but I despise bc they’ve always been obsessed with me but in a bad way) and they had confronted him about being my friend. he pussied out and cut me off. they also mass reported my last instagram account😡🤬

I had to take some time back to seriously debate if these loses were worth it. I was swallowed with so much anxiety knowing that an uncomfortable amount of people in my zip code knew what ive been up to. its already complicated being into this and while at the same time not being in a plus size body. thats another conversation tho

That debate has turned into me accepting these events as the universe weeding out people/things that no longer serve me. This has shown peoples true colors, if I am not to be associated with because of my sexual freedom, body acceptance, and undoing of fat phobia then PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Im recovering ❤️‍🩹 but my heart and hedonism can’t be helped. i love being a kinky lil gut slut. its helped me grow in so many ways from acceptance to living an esoteric dreamy life. i love all the hot girls and guys that i see on my timeline. they hype me up and vise versa. i love this little corner of the internet. my fellow freaks keep me going. i’ve been so on and off online but every time i come back to the sweetest words and support. thank you guys for your patience and consideration

my anxiety is to the roof as im typing. its crazy that these privacy problems havent been within the actual community. funny. if your still reading this I love you extra. ill be streaming on ig on my comeback day!

new ig acc @missfertileandferal💘

[bitchfitch]

My mother's bf had a fairly major surgery (he's fine and recovering well DW) and he's going to be housebound for his birthday this year, so I've been enlisted to come up with a fancy birthday meal for the special birthday boy that's primarily fruit and veg, sweeter than savory, and is something he's never had before.

Bc I'm making watermelington. It's beef Wellington, but watermelon. bc my mom only found out recently you can use watermelon as a tuna substitute. And I know that you can substitute most higher quality beef cuts with tuna or salmon.... usually. Anyways the idea fascinates her so I'm hoping to use that for bonus points.

Now he's off his ass on pain killers so I can't like. Ask him if he's ever had something before. so to meet my brief I've decided to just. commit a novel hate crime against the British I guess.

Anyways. I'm writing this because I need to walk myself through this process and think it'll be surreal enough to be worth taking y'all along for.

So, Beef Wellington. In its most basic bitch arrangement is a beef tenderloin wrapped in prosciutto/really thin bacon, with a layer of mushroom and onion mush, that has been further wrapped in mustard slathered puff pastry.

We will be ship of Theseusing this. bc beef Wellington is like. the opposite of what he wants. Which is why it's funny.

Puff pastry-> it's still just puff pastry

this one doesn't have to change (aka I can't be fucked to do pastry prep and I'm just gonna use store bought it's Fine.)

the prosciutto is also just going to be prosciutto.

Thin meat

Beef tenderloin-> watermelon,

Tbh this is a pretty 1 to 1 substitution. I'll bake the slices at like. 250-300 for an hour or so ahead of the rest of prep to dry it out a bit. bc you can't like. Sear watermelon to seal in the water like you can beef. By definition it's a very wet fruit (like me when I fall into the lake). Ill Add salt and chili and lime juice while baking maybe. this is the easy part

The mushroom mush-> salsa done bad style

As the word mush implies, this is meant to be a very soft mix. It adds a lot of nuttiness to the wellington that rounds out all of the salt from the meats. I'm replacing it with white person salsa(the birthday boy can't handle spice). Tomato, lime juice, parsley, avocado, cucumber, feta, and maybe mango so I can have an excuse to have a lil mango treat. I said I wasn't making it spicy. I'm still putting a bit of chili in it. bc it'll be better like that. This is also a ridiculously wet bit of mush, Even the original mushrooms have too much water. I'll figure something out.

Mustard -> jelly

He lives in a big city. those preserve sections are massive. I'll find a weird one. maybe apricot.

Prep:

We're in the mind palace kitchen, I have not attempted any of this. We're just thinking real hard about it and I'll edit as needed on the day and post results.

The watermelon

Preheat oven to eh. 300f? We want low and slow to dry things out without it taking a year. but idk what his oven is like. If it's gentle I'll bump it up another ten-twenty.

Slather some watermelon slices in salt chili powder and lime juice mixture.

bake for 30 min on a wire rack or directly on the oven racks (after cleaning thoroughly) if he doesn't have a wire rack. with a drip try underneath to catch the drippage. check frequently. Have one slice that's for being poked to see if it's approaching being meat. Bake longer if needed.

Salsa bad style

chop everything up and add it to a pan with some oil in it. Tbh I don't think the type of oil you use for cooking matters if you're not like, getting near any smoke points. Most people can't tell the difference unless you made your food bland as hell.

Anyways there's some wildly different moisture contents on the list so there has to be an Order to cook off as much water as possible without getting yucky.

Tomatoes and cucumbers go in together with some salt to get the cucs softening, then the mango chunks and lime juice. Once most of the water is gone the avocado feta and parsley can go in. There is a good amount of water in avocados but they're delicate and don't pan fry well, so we're just going to ignore their water crimes and hope for the best. They just need to be evenly mixed through the rest of the mush.

Putting it together

lay out the puff pastry, cut into sections to wrap each watermelon slice individually with.

Slather in jam

Take the prosciutto and lay it out on half of each section of the pastry,

spoon the salsa onto that

Melon

Another layer of salsa

another layer of thin meat

Fold the pastry over the top and pinch the edges bc watermelon slices are not a rollable shape and I don't want to carve a watermelon into a tube for this because that sounds irritating.

Brush with egg wash and more parsley

Cook in oven following the pastry's preferred temp and time. it's fucking watermelon, you're not getting ecoli from it.

watermelington :)

I'm serving it with baked sweet potatoes and spinach based salad with whatever toppings are left over from making the salsa.

anyways thank you for joing me on this thought experiment. I will post updates once the deed is done. I'm sorry to every British person ever.

[bethanydelleman]

No one ever does comas accurately in fiction, probably because it's so fun to just shut a human off for a little while and then have them back, ready to go, when the plot demands it. But if you want to do it properly, let me tell you a story.

I volunteered in the pediatrics ward during university. A 17 year old student, I'll call them Jo, got strep throat which developed into a cyst and they had to be put into a medicated coma for 10 days. Jo walked into the hospital, was in good physical shape, and again, was a teenager. When Jo woke up, they couldn't walk. Jo was so weak that they needed a walker and supervision to use the bathroom.

I would go hang out with Jo during my volunteer hours (which mainly were me playing with bored kids). Jo liked to see me since we went to the same school. We'd take walks around the hospital. Jo told me that after they were discharged, they planned to get a DNR because they found the experience of recovering from a coma that terrible. Jo never wanted to go through something like it again.

Again, 17 years old, peak health, 10 day coma, lost so much muscle in that time that they couldn't walk. Critically ill patients lose nearly 2% of skeletal muscle per day during the first week of ICU admission. Sorry, but your character is not going to pull out their IV and run out of the room, they are going to attempt that and collapse on the ground.

[urdreamydoodles]

Hi! I saw you were taking requests and wanted to see your take on everyone dealing with a reader who's a smart ass? Thought it be a funny concept about something you'll enjoy 🤍

X-Men x Reader (Part.1)

You're a smart ass (Part.1)

You have a playful and sarcastic personality that adds humor and lightness to your relationship with your partner. Your sarcasm creates both moments of laughter and occasional tension, but ultimately strengthens your relationships.

Characters: Logan Howlett, Remy LeBeau, Kurt Wagner, Scott Summers, Erik Lehnsherr, Bobby Drake, Wade Wilson, Jean Grey, Wanda Maximoff & Pietro Maximoff

I confirm it's a funny concept! Thank you for that one ♡ Hope you enjoy. — Love, Marie, your friendly marvel fangirl

Logan Howlett (Wolverine)

- Logan has always admired your wit, but when your sharp tongue turns into you being a bit of a smart-ass, it both amuses and irritates him. He raises a brow every time you make a snarky remark, half-impressed but also battling the urge to roll his eyes. “You think you’re funny, huh, darlin’?” he’d growl under his breath, though his lips twitch into a grin despite himself.

- While he’d try to keep things serious when the situation called for it, your teasing often gets the best of him. Like that time in the Danger Room when you outmaneuvered him with a smirk and a cocky quip, Logan pretended to be pissed, but you could see the pride in his eyes. “Better watch it, or I might not go easy on you next time,” he’d say with a low rumble, knowing full well that he’s too soft on you.

- There are moments when your sass pushes his patience, and he’ll let out a deep sigh, rubbing his temples in that way he does when he’s had just about enough. But instead of snapping, he pulls you close, growling something like, “You’re gonna be the death of me,” before kissing you fiercely, reminding you who’s in charge — at least until the next time you decide to test him.

- Despite all the banter, Logan wouldn’t trade your fiery spirit for anything. Deep down, he loves how sharp and quick-witted you are, even if it means dealing with your sarcasm on a daily basis. You keep him on his toes, and after everything he’s been through, your energy and humor are a breath of fresh air. Sometimes, when the two of you are alone, he’ll lean in and say, “You might be a pain in my ass, but you’re my pain in the ass,” with that gruff, affectionate tone that never fails to make your heart skip a beat.

Remy LeBeau (Gambit)

- Remy is no stranger to charm and wit, so when you sass him, he’s ready to dish it right back. He loves the playful banter between you two, and half the time, he’s probably encouraging it just to see what you’ll come up with next. “Ah, ma chérie, you t’ink you can outsmart Remy, eh?” he’d say, a devilish grin lighting up his face as he leans in closer, daring you to keep going.

- When you make a smart-ass remark, especially in front of the other X-Men, Remy can’t help but smirk proudly. He’ll throw an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and whispering, “You gon’ get us in trouble, but I like it.” He’s never one to shy away from mischief, and with you by his side, the two of you are unstoppable when it comes to pulling off clever pranks or getting the upper hand in any situation.

- Every now and then, Remy will try to one-up you with his own smart comments, leading to playful verbal sparring matches that only deepen your connection. But even when he’s trying to get the last word in, he never minds when you come out on top. “Damn, chérie, you too good at this,” he’d laugh, eyes sparkling with admiration as he wraps you in his arms.

- On the rare occasions when your sass catches him off guard, you might notice a flicker of surprise before he recovers with that signature grin. “Ah, you keep me on my toes, mon amour,” he’d murmur, pressing a kiss to your temple. Remy loves every part of you — the wit, the sass, and the undeniable chemistry between you two. No matter what, he’s always ready for the next round of banter, knowing it only brings you closer together.

Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler)

- Kurt is gentle and kind, so when you hit him with a sarcastic or smart-ass comment, he’s more likely to chuckle than to take offense. He’ll tilt his head, a curious smile playing on his lips as he tries to figure out if you’re serious or just teasing him. “Are you making fun of me, mein Schatz?” he’d ask, his voice full of playful curiosity.

- Despite his more serious nature at times, Kurt is never one to shy away from your banter. If anything, he enjoys your quick wit because it keeps things light between you two, especially during difficult missions or stressful situations. Whenever you throw a clever remark his way, he’d respond with a thoughtful hum, pretending to be deep in thought before adding, “You know, I think I love you even more for that.”

- Kurt has an incredibly patient demeanor, and while your sass might fluster him at first, he always handles it with grace. He might try to counter with a more philosophical or heartfelt response, which often makes you laugh even harder. “Ah, mein Liebe, you are too clever for me,” he’d say with a soft chuckle, before pulling you into a warm embrace. Even when you push his buttons, he can’t help but love you more for it.

- When the teasing gets a little too much, Kurt will lean into his affectionate side, making it impossible for you to keep up the act. He’ll teleport behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist, and whisper, “No matter how much you tease, I know your heart.” His sweet words, paired with his playful nature, always bring a sense of comfort to the banter, reminding you that, above all, you’re deeply loved.

Scott Summers (Cyclops)

- Scott is a bit more serious than the others, and your smart-ass comments tend to catch him off guard. He’s used to people following orders and being straightforward, so when you hit him with a sarcastic quip, he’s not always sure how to react at first. He’ll frown slightly, not out of anger, but out of pure confusion. “You’re kidding, right?” he’d ask, trying to gauge your tone.

- Despite his initial bewilderment, Scott can’t help but admire your sharp mind. He may act exasperated, but deep down, he appreciates that you’re not afraid to challenge him, even if it’s through sarcasm. You keep him grounded, reminding him that not everything has to be so serious all the time. “You know, you’ve got a smart mouth,” he’d say with a smirk, shaking his head in mock disapproval.

- When you sass him in front of the team, Scott tries to maintain his composure, but there’s always a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He’ll shoot you a quick look that says, “We’ll talk about this later,” but you know he secretly loves the way you keep him on his toes. It’s a side of you that only he gets to see, and despite his stoic nature, it brings out the softer side of him.

- After a long day of leading the X-Men, Scott finds your sass refreshing. He’ll sit next to you, finally letting his guard down as you tease him about being “Mr. Perfect” all the time. “Alright, I get it,” he’d say, his voice filled with warmth and amusement. “You’re right — maybe I do need to lighten up.” And in those moments, he’d pull you close, appreciating every part of your smart-ass self.

Erik Lehnsherr (Magneto)

- Erik, always the strategist and thinker, isn’t used to someone challenging him with quick wit and sharp humor, especially not someone as close to him as you. The first time you throw a smart-ass comment his way, he pauses, his cold eyes narrowing, but there’s a glint of amusement behind the stern expression. “Careful, little one,” he’d murmur, his voice low and commanding, “you’re playing a dangerous game.”

- Despite his typically serious demeanor, Erik finds your sharp tongue intriguing. He’s surrounded by people who either fear or revere him, so your sass brings something refreshing into his life. Occasionally, when you get a bit too clever for your own good, Erik will raise an eyebrow and smirk, “You really think you’re clever, don’t you?” His tone is dangerous, but you both know there’s a playful undertone hiding beneath the menace.

- Erik’s response to your snarky comments often depends on his mood. In darker moments, he might grow irritated, his patience tested by your quips, especially if you question his decisions. “I’m not in the mood for jokes,” he’d snap, though there’s a deep affection behind his frustration. But when he’s feeling more relaxed, Erik has been known to surprise you with his own dry, sarcastic retorts. “Perhaps I should just let you lead the revolution next time,” he’d quip with a smirk, his voice thick with sarcasm, but his eyes soft with affection.

- At the end of the day, Erik admires your courage and intelligence, even if you use them to give him a hard time. There’s a sense of respect in how he handles your smart-ass attitude — after all, he’s seen too much of the world to be fazed by a little sass. In quiet moments, he’ll pull you close, whispering in your ear, “You may be impossible sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Bobby Drake (Iceman)

- Bobby loves a good joke, so when you start tossing smart-ass remarks his way, he’s all in for the banter. “Oh, is that how it’s gonna be?” he’d ask, grinning from ear to ear as he prepares to throw a sarcastic comment right back at you. With Bobby, the sass only escalates into playful teasing that often ends with the two of you laughing uncontrollably.

- He’s the kind of guy who thrives on humor, so your quick wit only strengthens your relationship. Whether it’s during training or just hanging out at the mansion, Bobby always finds a way to keep the mood light, and he loves that you can match his energy. “Wow, look at you, Miss Smart-Ass,” he’ll say after you roast him with a particularly sharp comment. “Guess I’m not the only funny one around here.”

- There are times when Bobby’s insecurities come through, especially when your teasing touches on sensitive topics like his struggles with his powers or his place in the team. In those moments, he might brush off your comment with a forced laugh, but you can tell it’s bothered him. Later, he’ll admit, “Hey, about earlier… I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I just… you know, I’ve got my stuff to deal with.”

- Despite the occasional hiccup, Bobby loves that you keep him on his toes. Your sarcasm brings a balance to his humor, creating a dynamic that keeps things fun and light-hearted even during the toughest times. After all, he’s always been the class clown, but with you by his side, he feels like he’s met his match. “You know what?” he’d say, pulling you into a playful hug. “I think we might be the funniest couple in the mansion. No one else stands a chance.”

Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

- Being with Wade means endless chaos, and your quick wit fits right in. Wade absolutely adores your sass, and from the moment you drop your first sarcastic comment, he’s all over it. “Oh, look who’s got a smart mouth! I like it, babe!” He’s practically bouncing with excitement, eyes gleaming behind his mask. Your banter becomes a regular part of your relationship, with Wade taking every opportunity to match your smart-ass remarks with ridiculous quips of his own.

- Wade’s response to your sarcasm is often over-the-top, always aiming for laughs. You’d roll your eyes at something absurd he does, and Wade, without missing a beat, would respond with, “Oh, did you roll your eyes at me? That’s it, we’re getting a divorce.” It never fails to make you chuckle, and you know that he appreciates how you can keep up with his crazy antics. He loves that you never back down, even when he’s being the most outrageous version of himself.

- However, there are moments when Wade’s insecurity creeps through, particularly when it comes to his appearance or his mental health. If your sarcasm hits a little too close to home, Wade might joke it off, but you can sense the shift in his tone. “Yeah, I mean, who wouldn’t want to be with a guy whose face looks like a melted pizza?” he’d say with a forced grin. You always reassure him, showing him that your wit comes from a place of love, and Wade, with his usual dramatics, would throw himself into your arms, “Aww, babe, you really do love me, scars and all!”

- Despite his unpredictability, Wade loves how your humor keeps him grounded. Your ability to match his energy and throw in some sarcasm helps him feel normal in the whirlwind that is his life. “You know, I think we make a pretty kick-ass duo,” Wade would say, wrapping his arms around you. “You with your snark and me with my endless charm — we’re unstoppable!” And though the world may be chaotic, your relationship with Wade is filled with love, laughter, and plenty of smart-ass remarks.

Jean Grey (Phoenix)

- Jean is known for her calm demeanor, so your sarcasm catches her off guard at first. She’s used to people being more respectful around her, especially considering her immense power, but your playful attitude draws out a side of her that she doesn’t often get to express. The first time you make a smart-ass comment, Jean raises an eyebrow, her lips twitching into a small smile. “Oh, so we’re doing this now, huh?” she’d say, her voice light with amusement.

- As your relationship develops, Jean grows to love your quick wit. It brings a sense of normalcy to her life, something she desperately needs amidst the chaos of being an X-Man. She enjoys the way your banter makes her feel human, reminding her that she’s more than just a telepathic, omega-level mutant. “You’re lucky I don’t read your mind more often,” she’d tease after you make a sarcastic remark, though you both know she’d never actually do that without your permission.

- There are moments, however, when Jean’s powers make her feel overwhelmed and vulnerable. If your sarcasm comes at the wrong time, she might take it to heart, her telepathic abilities amplifying the impact of your words. “I’m not in the mood for jokes,” she’d say softly, her eyes downcast. You’d quickly realize that she’s struggling, and after a gentle apology, Jean would nod, grateful for your understanding. “Thank you,” she’d whisper, her voice filled with affection.

- Despite the occasional tension, Jean appreciates how your sharp mind challenges her. Your smart-ass attitude keeps her grounded, helping her navigate the pressures of her powers and responsibilities. “You always know how to keep me on my toes,” she’d say with a smile, leaning into your embrace. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” And while Jean may be one of the most powerful beings in the world, your sarcasm reminds her that she’s also just a woman, capable of love and laughter.

Wanda Maximoff (Scarlet Witch)

- Wanda, initially reserved and quiet, is surprised by your quick wit and sarcasm. She’s not used to people being so casual with her, especially given the weight of her powers and her past. The first time you make a smart-ass remark, Wanda’s eyes widen in surprise before a small smile pulls at her lips. “Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be,” she’d say, amusement dancing in her eyes as she begins to warm up to your teasing nature.

- As your relationship deepens, Wanda grows to appreciate how your humor helps lighten the heavy burdens she carries. Your sarcastic comments often draw her out of her thoughts, bringing her back to the present. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?” she’d tease back, a smirk on her lips, her Sokovian accent slipping through as she gives you a playful nudge. She loves how you can make her laugh, even when she’s feeling down.

- However, there are moments when Wanda’s emotions become overwhelming, and your sarcasm might accidentally cut too deep. If she’s in a particularly vulnerable state, she might take your comment the wrong way, her powers flickering dangerously as her mood shifts. “I’m not in the mood for jokes,” she’d say, her tone sharp. You’d quickly reassure her, explaining that you didn’t mean it, and Wanda, ever self-aware, would soften. “I know,” she’d sigh, taking your hand, “I just… I need some time.”

- Despite the occasional misstep, Wanda loves how your quick wit keeps her grounded. Your playful banter reminds her that not everything needs to be serious, and it helps her find moments of joy in an otherwise heavy world. “You always know how to make me smile,” she’d say softly, leaning into your embrace. “Even when I try to be serious, you just… bring out the light in me.” Your smart-ass attitude becomes a source of comfort for her, a reminder that she’s not alone in the darkness.

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)

- Pietro is quick in every sense of the word, so your sharp tongue and sarcastic remarks don’t catch him off guard — in fact, he thrives on it. The first time you throw a snarky comment his way, Pietro’s already grinning before you’ve even finished. “You’re fast, but I’m faster,” he’d quip, zipping around you in a blur before coming to a stop with a smug look on his face. “Think you can keep up, smart-ass?”

- Your sarcasm and quick wit become a game to him, a challenge he’s always ready to meet head-on. Pietro loves the verbal sparring, and his playful nature means that he’s constantly teasing you back. “Oh, you’re really asking for it, aren’t you?” he’d say with a grin after you make a particularly clever remark, speeding off before you can respond. It’s a back-and-forth that keeps your relationship exciting, always filled with laughter and light-hearted banter.

- However, there are times when your sarcasm touches on his insecurities — like his tendency to rush through life, or his complicated relationship with Wanda. In those rare moments, Pietro might bristle, his smile fading as he crosses his arms. “Yeah, well, not everything can be a joke,” he’d mutter, clearly hurt. You always know how to handle him though, and after a bit of reassurance, Pietro’s back to his usual self, cracking jokes and challenging you to keep up with him.

- Pietro loves how your smart-ass attitude matches his fast-paced lifestyle. Your quick comebacks keep him on his toes, and he adores how you never let him get away with being too cocky. “You might be the only person who can keep up with me,” he’d say, pulling you into a tight hug after a particularly playful argument. And while life with Pietro is always fast and chaotic, your sarcasm adds a layer of fun and connection that makes your relationship all the more special.

[parkerloves]

BACK AGAIN || PG10 x Fem!Reader

paring: boyfriend!pierre gasly x actress!fem!reader;

trope: second chance

summary: after a photo with her and her next co-star being way too close for a scene pierre ends up listening to the wrong people until his girlfriend go see him

fc; emily rudd

warnings: mention of cheating even though no one cheats

A photo had taken over the covers of every magazine that relied on gossip and one name was repeated in every headline: Lovelle Cartier, a young actress known for her contribution to the world of horror and for dating a certain pilot with whom she shared nationality, but this time there was no talk of a new date or a movie, but the photo showed the young actress very much attached to a man who was still unknown.

⠀—Pierre please don't be an idiot and pick up the fucking phone —The young woman mumbled sitting on the bed in her hotel room just before it went to voicemail—

Nothing that was being said about her was even the slightest bit close to reality, and that was exactly why she wanted to talk to the one who had been her partner for the previous two years, even though right now she wouldn't even take a call from him, although on the third try she was able to get an answer.

⠀—Love, don't try anymore.... —Those were the first words she heard from the Frenchman, and the chestnut knew at that moment that he had been crying or at least screaming— I've been trying, I really have, I didn't care about any of your relationships in movies and stuff, but I guess it's true what they say that if you fake something it ends up being real....

Those were the last things Lovelle heard before the sound of the phone call ending reached her ears, causing all the frustration and sadness that had been building up since that stupid picture had started circulating on the internet. But of course Love wasn't going to let it end like that, and she knew she wasn't the only one when the device in her hand vibrated again although this time another name appeared on the screen, and recognizing it she was quick to accept the call and began speaking.

⠀—It's not what you think, fuck Charles... I would never hurt him, you know that.... —She mumbled so fast that she even seemed not to be understandable at certain moments, so she had to be interrupted by her friend—.

⠀ —I know Love, I know... But you've messed up, you know that right? I don't know what happened but don't leave him like this —The young actress had already stood up and had started pacing around the room as she always did when she was nervous and wanted to take the stress off her mind—.

⠀—I'm going to catch a plane, I don't know when I'll get there, in a couple of hours I guess, please take care of him while I go, I can't lose him, not him —She mumbled while her breathing made the pretence of recovering its normal rhythm, without much success—.

⠀—Don't do anything stupid, okay? If you come he's going to listen to you, he can't not listen to you —The girl nodded on the other end of the line and luckily Charles knew the young woman too well to know her reflexes in those situations— I'll wait for you at the hotel yes? I'll pick you up when you arrive

Shee didn't even wait a few seconds before hanging up and going to book the earliest flight she could, without even worrying about the price of it all, and if she already hated airports as usual, now that she only had a fucking image in mind it was certainly worse.

The flight was interminable, especially because in each of the magazines that were on that plane there was that stupid picture next to a more irritating headline that seemed to have been created just to hurt, but luckily that nightmare only lasted two hours before arriving at the Italian peninsula where the whole grid was now.

<<send me the address of the hotel, my cab arrives in 5 minutes>> she wrote in the Monegasque's chat as she didn't even have the patience to wait for it to arrive and smiled when she received that link that he didn't take long to send to the one who would be her driver, arriving at his destination in a matter of less than half an hour.

⠀—Charles, they won't let me into the hotel, I guess they think I'm a fan or something —She didn't even bother to greet the young man as she had her mind occupied with many other things—.

⠀—I'll be right down for you, I left Pierre with Yuki, he already knows the whole situation, and thank goodness he knows you and supports you —Charles luckily didn't take too long to appear on the other side of the door, dragging the young girl inside the building, hugging her when they were both already under the roof, letting her best friend have at least some time to calm down from all that, noticing after a few seconds later his shirt was getting wet on the side of his chest—.

⠀—Can I go see him? Although I don't know if it's the best option.... But if you ask him to come to see me he's not going to do it.... —She murmured still against his friend's chest before he covered his mouth to stop him from talking for a second—

⠀—He's in his room, he doesn't know it, but he needs you now more than ever —He grabbed the young woman's face with both hands to raise his gaze to hers, causing the French woman to only nod—.

As soon as they arrived at the door where Alpha Tauri's drivers were, Charles called Yuki to leave the room but to leave the door closed behind him, and it was at that moment when the fear took hold of the young woman and she flinched for a few milliseconds before the green-eyed man pushed her into the room. 

The image inside broke the young woman's will even more strongly at that moment, for she had only ever seen her boyfriend in that condition, and she would never have allowed herself to be the one responsible for something like that.

But it was then that those blue eyes came out of the hiding place they had found, in the hands of their very owner and would meet the blonde's, generating a grimace of confusion in the boy before it changed to anger.

⠀—What are you doing here? You didn't have to come and you know it, you didn't have to waste your time —She had never heard him address her in that way, but now there was no turning back and he planned to fight for what he wanted—.

⠀—Don't do that please —She took a few steps in the Frenchman's direction although she still kept her distance as she knew she shouldn't push him at that moment— I need you to listen to me, I only ask you for a few minutes and I'll leave later if that's what you want —She murmured feeling once more the blond's blue orbs on her—.

⠀—I shouldn't be giving you this opportunity, you know that, right? —That was the signal for Lovelle to move a few steps closer and then kneel down in front of the bed since it was practically impossible for the young woman not to be close to him, despite the fact that she wanted to give him a little bit of space as well—.

⠀—And you know I would never cheat on you, right? Yet here we are... Because I'm stubborn as fuck and I'm not going to lose you for a stupid picture —Her tone of voice was soft, beacause yes, she was frustrated and even angry, but he had more rights to be like that and she accepted it since she just wanted to have him back—.

⠀—Why weren't there cameras? —Those were the only words that came out of the boy's mouth in the form of a soft mumble after that little speech from his girlfriend, since a part of him of course wanted to believe her but let's just say that there wasn't much evidence in her favor—.

⠀—It's going to sound really bad.... But it's the shitty angle —She said and as soon as she realized that her words would probably be worthless at that moment she decided to look for some more decisive picture on her phone, but a hand interrupted his search—

⠀—No, fuck what's happening to me? You shouldn't have to be the one looking for ways for me to believe you? I don't know what was going through my head —He move the phone away from the blonde's field of vision before grabbing her face caressing her cheeks— Mine's going to sound really bad too, but I guess the shitty race I've had hasn't helped at all —His tone was soft again and her breathing was slowly returning to normal—.

⠀—I was planning to call you as soon as I finished work, I saw your DNF as soon as Chris alerted me —The distance between them was slowly getting shorter and it seemed that nothing of the last few hours had passed, which honestly was a relief for both of them—.

⠀—Let me take you to dinner today, there's a restaurant on the shore and hopefully you can watch the sunset —The Frenchman remembered one of his girlfriend's favorite things and seeing how a smile formed on her face, he couldn't help but bring their lips together in search of one of those kisses he had had to learn to share, but luckily not the feeling in them— I'm sorry

⠀— I think we both are sorry —She mumbled a few inchies away from his lips—

[plutonium-sky]

AIGHT HERE WE GO.

So! About the revelation I mentioned with WL and Eden statues- I’m going to give some context first. Me and @halcyon-xxy-art were discussing some Sky DND stuff, and then had an interesting idea- what if there was light corruption, alongside dark corruption?

We immediately establish dark corruption as the crystalized bodies, with the soul (light) trapped inside. The thing is, we wanted to make it so that there wasn’t any weakening of their light- it’s just that there is more darkness. After that got put out, we started thinking about what light corruption would look like, and Aria basically perfectly described a Winged Light. That’s when I had my revelation. What if Winged Lights are sky kids who got light overflow?

I’ll elaborate on that in a bit when I establish another fact we put out right after. Skykid DO have darkness inside them. It’s just hidden in a way no one would expect- it’s right in front of us. A skykid’s darkness would be their physical Body. And, if we go by that logic, their light would be everything else that the body holds- their light and Soul.

And then we added more to the corruption parts. Darkness corruption would work that the soul is trapped inside the body- and cannot return to Megabird (it would slowly weaken inside, losing its power bit by bit as the overbearing darkness drains it.) Light corruption was easy to figure out from there as well. The soul doesn’t have a body to guide it back to the cycle (it had burnt it away, and now the soul is horribly exposed, frozen in time, until a new, temporary vessel guides it back to freedom.)

The skykid’s body needs to walk alongside a delicate balance of light and dark, lest things go to SHIT for them. Too much light will result in being corrupted and overloaded by it, and the body will burn and flake away and the soul be frozen in time and space without the body to guide it back to the cycle. Too much darkness will slow them down, overtake them, eventually turning the skykid into an immovable statue, the soul covered on all sides, and it’s now trapped in a cage of its own making.

Also, absorbing WL (the lost souls of someone else) benefits us instead of harming us because all the overloaded light is still being taken by the other’s soul, not yours. Of course, a little still leaks through- and that’s why it makes flying easier. It’s a sort of…. symbiotic relationship, where the sky kid gives the soul a temporary vessel for it to rest in, while the soul helps the vessel, benefitting it as safely as it can. It takes more WL the longer you have to fly for safety concerns- if they keep on sharing the same amount of energy, the light corruption will happen once more, to a new victim, and now there will be two souls trapped beside each other.

Also, the body and soul theory is further supported by sky kids extinguishing. NORMALLY, we don’t grow crystals. By normally I mean stuff like rain and non-shard crabs. That would be a “normal” death- we aren’t corrupted, the soul and body are still in balance. There’s the pity WL too- you can still be saved. For lore reasons, I’m going to partially ignore the fact that you would still get a pity WL if you lost all of yours to a krill, shard, or shard crabs, because let’s be honest- it’s just ingame things. And, if my memory serves my right (I can’t play sky at the moment to check properly), you would grow crystals for all of those deaths- corrupted by darkness.

There’s then Eden. We run around, giving WL to the lost to darkness bodies of sky kids- or perhaps spirits. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. But, what matters is that somehow, this works in freeing them. My theory for how is that the light corrupted and overloaded soul helps balance out the dark corrupted body, sharing its light with the trapped soul inside. By the point we find the eden bodies, though, the souls are so weakened that they’re barely there- my explanation as to why we don’t see double the winged lights in orbit. They need time to recover.

The last nail in the coffin for this theory, to me, is the cutscene in eden that happens when we finally lose all of our winged light and become a statue ourselves. Where we fall in darkness, as a dark figure, then land. The light and dark of our being in a limbo meet. The light (soul) is sitting there, unmoving, trapped. Meanwhile, us, as the darkness (body) moves, going back to the light, to guide them back. This supports my “the light and soul cannot be guided without the darkness of their body” talk- because it IS the body guiding the soul here. It frees us.

TLDR? Skykids aren’t only light- they are also darkness. The light is their soul and the dark is their body. Without a body, lost because of various reasons (the one I gave is being overloaded/corrupted by light), the soul is trapped and we see this ingame as Winged Light. This creates a delicate balance where there can’t be too much light or too much dark in the soul and body. When you are corrupted by darkness, the soul gets trapped but it is still there. A normal death for a sky kid is when no crystals grow on their body. Eden statues are helped with WL because the overloaded darkness and the overloaded light balance each other out.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, hope it lived up to your expectations.

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

How Jason and Roy became friends at a Burger King

Jason Todd: You seem familiar, have I threatened you in the past?

Roy Harper: Did you sell me China cat when I was addicted to heroin?

Jason Todd sits down at the table.

Jason: I'm sorry, I need to know more because we might be friends now. Oh shoot I think I do know you.

Roy: Are you selling me drugs?

Jason: Nope. Hey... did you shoot arrows and dress like peter pan?

Roy: It... it was more robin hood inspired.

Jason: Red hair... arrows... robin hood... Oh you're that moron's, Arrow, sidekick! Oh my God, it's so good to see you again! How you been?

Roy: On... heroin, falling out with Arrow, got married, had a daughter, lost custody, was on heroin and recovering.

Jason: Awesome, you are comfortable to tell me all of this. I like that.

Roy: I ain't got nothing left to lose. How do you know who I am?

Jason: I'll go with my trauma, okay, I was the second robin, died by the joker, was revived from the lazarus pit, went insane, worked with the ghuls for a few years, found Batman, tried to kill him, failed, crazy times man.

Jason laughs and then sighs. Roy stares at him confused.

Jason: I am not making up a single thing I said... My name is Jason Todd, you met me before when I was a kid, oh and I fought my brother Nightwing and this annoying spoiled brat named Tim.

Roy: Oh my God, you're not lying. I was there when you made fun of his dead mom.

Jason: That's me!

Roy Harper: You're Jason Todd... Didn't you die?

Jason Todd: Yes, for 5 years actually, but then I wasn't... then I went insane... I'm kind of insane at the moment and I murder horrible people for money... And vengeance, but the money helps.

Jason pours salt in his glass of water and chugs it. Roy looks around confused.

Roy (worried): Are you selling me drugs? Is this a test? Where's Green Arrow? I promised I wouldn't do them again.

Jason (concerned): No. I'm not selling drugs... I have cigarettes but I don't want that for a former drug addict. I just want to be friends with you... I want to... help you. I never got to do that with other drug addicts, and you look cool. I remember you were... the only guy nice to me.

Roy: I don't... I mean it was common human decency. When you died I was sad, on china cat, but sad.

Jason: Can we hang out then? Can I be your friend? Please.

Roy: Um, sure... I'm kind of friends with Nightwing at times.

Jason: Not anymore, you're my friend! We are friends! Nobody will take that from us! I will buy us bracelets. I heard a lot about you after I died and you are the perfect guy friend I could EVER have.

Roy (sincere): That was the nicest thing anyone has said to me.

Jason: I mean it too! I have not had friends in a while.

Roy: I can tell, but we're in a burger king so... this isn't the oddest thing that has happened in here.

Jason: This is great. What do you want to do? Go to a movie, a mission, a mission and a movie?

Roy: Okay, um, a mission if I can get paid.

Jason: Bitchin' let's go!

Jason stands up and yanks Roy out of his chair and they run out of the burger king.

[zarnzarn]

new fic, tw rescue from a kidnapping and s/a (calypso), illiad modern spy au

They find him in the place they were told they would.

The lot of them almost don't make it past the door with how all of them fight to get inside first. The woman inside screams and drops her basket of fruits as they storm into the kitchen, staring at them with wide, piteous eyes as they all point their swords at her.

"Where is he?" Eurylochus snarls, half-bear in his rage. The guilt has been ripping him apart, whatever he and Odysseus disagreed on before he disappeared into thin air all those months ago, driving him wild. Menelaus nearly flinches himself when he roars louder, "WHERE IS HE?"

"Have you people never heard of politeness?" The woman demands starchly, even though she's still pressed back against the counter. Menelaus sees her eyes flash with power as she scowls at them, and takes a deep breath, readying his sword.

If he dies fighting her- if any of them do- the rest will understand. It's only because of Odysseus that any of them were alive at all.

"We were told that the merchant Xen'ath made a sale to you, seven months ago," Diomedes cuts in, voice cold. "An illegal one, even for a protected one like you."

She snorts, jewellery tinkling. She looks kind, and for a desperate moment Menelaus hopes.

"What will you do, put me in jail?" Calypso giggles. "Besides, a sale is a sale. He's mine, fair and square, so if you all would kindly-"

A vase crashes by her head, scattering muddy water and making her scream.

Patroclus hasn't recovered much from the coma, but he's just as angry as any of them and wouldn't be talked out of not coming along, even though he has to use a cane. He doesn't know about how they all fell apart while he was under, but has informed them all quite clearly that not only does he not care, in this situation it does not matter.

Menelaus holds out a hand to signal him to back down, knowing that they are all barely holding onto their fury enough to get answers.

"Where is he?" Ajax cuts in quietly. They point their swords again.

She scans them all calculatingly, grimacing. Then recovers, tossing her hair over her shoulder proudly, hmphing at them.

"In the basement," She says casually, and Menelaus' heart drops. Horror suffuses the faces around him, with many eyes closing in pained resignation, even though they already knew the truth. Knew what kind of sale it had been.

Penelope had recovered over fifteen hundred victims in her search for her husband, and all of them had the same story.

"He tried to run last week," She sighs, putting her hands on her hips and talking with such casual disappointment that it makes his blood run cold, makes him want to throw up. "Honestly, I made sure that he had everything one could need, I don't know what on earth-"

"Shut up," Polites snaps. "Just- shut up!"

"Why, you-" Calypso growls, eyes turning pink as she calls her power, and with a roar of fury, Achilles rounds the table and attacks.

Menelaus whistles to the others and they all scatter. He comes out at the veranda, opening every door and cursing when there's nothing beyond. It's a beautiful house- idyllic and pristine and packed with luxury, and it makes Menelaus want to claw off his own skin.

"HERE!" Someone shouts inside, and Menelaus skids to a stop and changes direction. They all reach the door at the same time, and he holds back the dizzying wave of horror at the lock on the outside as they all hack at the wood like crazed people to get in.

The door crashes down and Menelaus charges down the stairs into the dark room, scrambling for his torch.

"ODYSSEUS!" He shouts, moving it around. "ODY-"

They all go dead silent.

Odysseus scrabbles back, eyes glinting and wild in the light of the torch. He's still in the same outfit they have the last sighting of him in, dirtied and torn now, but the man wearing it is completely different- hair overgrown and body rail-thin, so much so that Menelaus for a heart-stopping second doesn't recognise him.

There's a chain around his leg, connected to the floor. A collar with an owl on it, made of metal that's been welded shut straight on and rope on his wrists. A dirty cloth stuffed in his mouth.

Blood on his legs.

"Odysseus!" Polites is the first to break their standstill, a huge grin of pained relief on his face as he rushes forward. It falls as Odysseus gives a small scream of terror and tries to get away from him, making the metal dig into his already scarred ankle.

Of terror. Of terror. Ten years of knowing him, and Menelaus has never seen Odysseus afraid.

Odysseus spits out the cloth. "Please," He whispers, voice wrecked, and they all flinch. The Odysseus in Menelaus' memory shines bright and golden, charming and funny and kind and angry and humble, despite having run missions for his kingdom since he was thirteen, sharper and swifter than all of them. This is not his friend. "Please, not them, not them, don't wear their faces too, please."

And-

Menelaus comes to with his face pressed against the wall, tears streaming down his face. Sick with rage and guilt and fury and horror. The others aren't faring any better when someone snaps over the microphones for them to hurry up and he turns back around- Eurylochus is sitting on the floor with his head in his hands, two others are vomiting, Polites has disappeared and the rest are just standing there frozen, crying. Patroclus is the only one who's kept his head on enough to attempt quiet reassurance, crouched near a trembling, animal version of their best spy and talking softly to him, trying to coax him away from cutting into his own skin with the rusted metal.

He tried to run away last week, Menelaus grasps onto desperately. It means he's still in there, fighting.

He can't take his eyes off the blood. There's so much of it.

"Eurylochus!" Polites snaps as he comes back down the stairs, a blowtorch in hand. "Hold him."

Odysseus screams at their approach and Menelaus does not have the courage to keep looking, places both hands over his ears like a child, unable to bear it.

(Penelope had opened the door to the group of them; twelve men Odysseus had run with for ten years who had no idea he disappeared until someone casually mentioned that Penelope had gone rogue and was on the watchlist for having tortured and murdered Circe.

Her eyes had been frigid. "Welcome," She said, as if they were strangers and not close friends. "You're quite lucky you decided to visit, you know. I had plans of killing you lot next."

Menelaus doesn't blame her.

She'd sent them all message after message, call after call- begging, pleading, bargaining; that they all ignored out of grudges and anger, until she'd stopped asking and done it herself. None of the fights Odysseus had had with them had even been that bad- it was just, somehow, every single one of them had just been that little bit extra annoyed as to not pick up when it had been her calling; and then Xen'ath had all Penelope's calls rerouted, so she couldn't reach them anyway.

"Queen of Ithaka," He'd bowed, Helen bowing lower at his side. "... Penelope. I- We are all so incredibly sorry-"

"Save it," She'd said, holding up a hand. "Just answer me this- would you rather run a mission or guard Telemachus? And what is your price?"

That had thrown them.

"Penelope," Diomedes had stepped forward hesitantly, looking heartbroken. "We would- all of us, any of us- we would do anything to save your husband. You don't need to fucking pay us to rescue him- we are his friends. We are your friends."

"Then WHERE WERE YOU?" Penelope screams, and her mask finally cracks with it, eyes filled with tears and mouth curled in rage. "Where were any of you when he- when I-" Diomedes grabs her and pulls her into a hug and she breaks down sobbing. "Where were all of you when we needed you?"

"Penelope," Menelaus says, stepping forward to place a hand on her shoulder. Glass crunches under his feet and guilt overcomes him again- all this while he'd been living in luxury, unburdened, his sister-in-law had given up everything to run missions on her own, feeding her people and taking down enemy after enemy while living in squalor herself, in a building full of unsavory men. Tears come to his own eyes. "Please, I beg you to believe me. None of us, not a single one- we did not know. We did not know your husband never made it home, Penelope, I swear on the Styx."

"Then you should have picked up my calls," She snarls, venomous, and gathers herself back up to push Diomedes and him away. "Now. Mission or Telemachus?")

When he takes his hands off, the silence is ringingly loud, the phantom screams still stuck in his ears. Menelaus looks when Odysseus whimpers suddenly and sees his sister's husband holding him down while Polites melts the collar off, Ajax silently working on the chain around his ankle.

Achilles shouts from upstairs and Diomedes calls back, and he comes into the room with grim eyes. "How is he?"

None of them can bring themselves to reply. The collar falls off with a thud.

"Odysseus, hey, we've come to rescue you," Polites tries again, smiling at him and holding his head in his hands so they can meet his eyes. "Don't worry now, we're here."

Odysseus is still. Too still.

Diomedes steps forward, eyes hard, and carefully pulls Polites' hands away. "He'll attack you. If shapeshifting is involved-"

Silence.

"What is wrong with all of you?" Patroclus says suddenly, scowling. "Did you lose your training along with your brains when I was unconscious? Soldiers, post-rescue protocol, now."

The command shocks him back to adrenaline, and they all burst into familiar movements, collecting pictures and pulling out shock blankets. Someone grabs Odysseus as the chain unravels and holds him still while they cut him free, and another talks gently to him as they inject him with a sedative. Menelaus is just glad it isn't him, because he doesn't think that even with his hardened nerves he could bear to face the fact that- to treat Odysseus like-

He looks away as Achilles grabs the other in a fireman's carry and makes his way to the door instead, pushing the debris out of the way to let them through.

Calypso isn't going to be held back for long.

"NO!" She screeches as she bursts through a wall, three times bigger than they left her. Menelaus slashes and she cowers back, baring her teeth in fear. Her face falls as she catches sight of Achilles running out the door, and tears well up in her eyes instead. "No, please, I can't be alone again! I can't be locked in here, please, I can't be alone, send anything, anyone, please!"

"Go fuck yourself," Ajax says savagely as he swings at her, and Menelaus grabs the person closest and yells for a retreat.

The van rumbles along. The windshield wipers swing.

"How long does the sedative last?" Menelaus hears himself ask.

"Should be done by now," Polites says, voice similarly bleak, turning to Odysseus. "Ody?"

Odysseus is crouched in the far corner of the van, staring at them all with sharp, hate-filled paranoia. Menelaus swallows and slows the vehicle, the rest of them turning to look.

"You're safe," Ajax says, softer than he's ever heard from him. "We got you out, Odysseus, you're going back home."

Odysseus narrows his eyes and snarls. Menelaus braces himself for something biting and sharp about how they could have done it earlier, better, faster. Except- "I'm not falling for another illusion, Calypso. Drop the fucking act."

Menelaus hits the brakes and closes his eyes as he presses his face against the steering wheel. "It's not an illusion, Ody, we promise. We're actually here."

"You don't have your chains any more, see?" Eurylochus tries. When he turns, they're all clearly holding themselves back from rushing forward in heartbreak; Odysseus had been the touchy one amongst them, winding around them like a hyperactive snake and hanging off them and hugging them tight and offering handshakes and high-fives, no matter that they were all hardened warriors. To have him clearly ready to throw a punch if they approach hurts. "Your collar is off- why would Calypso do that?"

Odysseus' face spasms and he grabs for his neck. Feels around as if it might be a trick, expression blank.

"Athena," He says abruptly, and Menelaus is extremely confused for a second before he recalls the owl etched into the metal and catches Diomedes' eyes in sudden horrified agony. Of all the terrible-

"Athena," Odysseus breathes, bending over with eyes wide in disbelief, saying it as if he can't believe he can. Hope flares in his eyes, before crumpling at the sudden landslide of grief that follows, tears Menelaus never saw from him at the worst of the Troy mission dripping down his face. "Athena. Athena. Athena! ATHENA! ATHENA!"

His voice is agonizing to hear, crazed and desperate, and someone rushes forward with a tranquilizer, before-

A loud clap, blinding light, and Athena, the goddess herself, appears in their mission vehicle.

"What the fuck," Ajax whispers next to him, grabbing Menelaus by the arm. They're both trembling. Everyone is. "What the fuck- that's actually her."

Athena snaps her neck around to study them all with blank eyes, nodding to a terrified Diomedes, before looking down at Odysseus. Studies him.

Oh shit, Menelaus thinks, remembering the rumors of Medusa, and motions for someone to intervene as he struggles with the seatbelt.

She dissolves her spear suddenly and- holds out her arms.

"What?" Odysseus says faintly, which sums that up too.

"What?" Athena returns, sounding- defensive? Confused? "You were the one who insisted on hugs and physical touch to be added to the rescue recovery manual."

Menelaus finally makes it over the barrier to the back of the van and gets to watch everyone's brains break slightly, and for Odysseus' mouth to drop open in sheer disbelief. Menelaus still knows him enough to recognise the look of him very much wanting to say that is not something you say in a situation like this before a smile suddenly pulls at his lips. A threadbare, incredulous giggle escapes him, then rickety, mirthful laughter and Menelaus breathes a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, I did," Odysseus grins slightly, and walks closer- hugging the goddess without a lick of fear, of course he does. The gods are famous for their pride and detachment and untouchability and of course this crazy man goes and hugs the most closed-off of them like an old friend.

Although, the way they talked to each other, and the implications-

"I'm not thinking of this anymore," Ajax mutters, rubbing at his face. "Odysseus, you believe this ain't an illusion yet, my dude?"

He pulls back and stares around at them like he's seeing them for the first time. His face twitches, like he can't decide whether to smile or be devastated, and quietly says, "You're here. You all came?"

The van bursts out in noise as they all trip over their sorrowful reassurances and apologies, almost shouting. Odysseus trembles. Blood drips to the floor.

Achilles steps forward and Menelaus feels the same alarm of a disaster incoming from earlier; he and Odysseus had never quite gotten over their irritation at dragging each other into the Troy mission and argued plenty during- he'd even heard word that they'd let a target escape once because they'd got into a fistfight.

But Achilles just gives Athena a wary look and a wide berth, and then pulls Odysseus into his arms. Menelaus suddenly remembers who'd been the first to run to Achilles and hold him when he'd sunk to the floor at Patroclus' diagnosis.

"We're here," He murmurs. "We came late, but we came. You're out."

"I'm out," Odysseus repeats, letting his tense posture drop as he leans into the embrace. "I'm out."

"You are," Athena confirms clinically, then- surprise on surprises, she kneels down to pull him closer as well.

Menelaus smiles, then climbs back to the front of the vehicle, satisfying himself with the flickering relief that slowly takes over Odysseus' expression. Gives his friend the privacy he can when he starts to have the breakdown delayed seven months, turns the keys to start the engine.

It's still a long journey to get Odysseus back to Penelope, then back to the Ithaka headquarters. But they have him now, and they'll get him back.

Menelaus, and the rest of them, will have to content themselves with that. That at least, the most they can do now, is bring him home.

He taps on his earpiece, and it crackles to life. "We have him," He tells her. "We're bringing him back to you by morning. Rest, please, Penny."

She sobs over the comms and the car drives on.

[allwaswellllll]

The Secret Of Us (1/1)

Summary: Lucien returns after three weeks away and, well, Helion's library might never recover.

Rating: Explicit

Note: I haven't written smut in a decade, so I'm scared. Pls be kind.

I felt it, you held it, do you miss us?

A03

Nestled in a private corner of Helion’s library, Elain stretched out her bare legs against the tufted cushions upon the old settee, cradling a book in her hands. The soft glow of dusk rippled through the small window, casting her skin in the warmest shade of gold. It was true her tone had changed in the year she had been at Day, freckles blooming on her sun-kissed skin. Her nose always seemed just that little bit pink, perhaps from the constant warmth or from perpetual burn. But gods, she loved it here.

She loved the High Lords son more, though thinking about that too often when he was away chafed on their already blooming and freshly accepted mating bond.

It had been three weeks now since she had seen Lucien and she missed him. The ache had settled in her chest the moment he had winnowed away, never dulling though the weeks had passed. She tried to keep herself busy, helping in the libraries, the other scholars, Helion’s two other courtiers as they planned political trips in the fall. But that ache remained, a persistent reminder of the golden thread that demanded her mate.

Three weeks was too long. She tried not to sulk but slipped every now and then. Like now.

The setting sun was so beautifully warm against her face that she closed her eyes, tipping her head back against the pillow. The peace of this court, her home, never failed to take her breath away. She had never felt quite so settled in her life, so happy and safe and loved, despite her mate currently in another territory charming the pants off courtiers and High Lords alike. She accompanied him, most of the time, but as this was his first official outing as Heir of Day, she thought it best he conquer it on his own. She regretted her choice immediately.

Like she had conjured him up from will alone, she felt him before she saw him. Snapping her eyes up, she found Lucien leaning against the bookshelf sectioned to block off this particularly private part of the library, a small smirk on his lips and his arms crossed. He watched her, eying her up and down and heat bloomed across her chest at the purely male flame alight in his eyes.

The book fell from her lap onto the carpeted floor as she spun herself off the lounge and launched herself at him. He met her halfway, his arms circling around her waist as she flung her arms around his neck, lifting her up and crushing her against his chest. His face burrowed in the crook of her neck, and he breathed in her scent deeply, squeezing tightly. A part of her felt whole again. Home. He was home to her.

‘Gods, I missed you,’ he spoke into her neck, muffled by his lips against her skin. Her laugh was choked, a lump forming in her throat as she pulled back, her hands brushing against his cheeks as she leant forward and kissed him.

He groaned against her lips, pulling her up, up, like he couldn’t get close enough. She opened up for him, like she always had, even when they were fighting against this bond, her fingers sliding down to his chest and fisting his white linen shirt. He was so warm. Their mating bond hummed in response, lighting the flame within them to touch, taste, take. Three weeks was too long. Too soon. She needed him.

Lucien seemed to have the same feelings as his hands moved down to her thighs, lifting her up. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist and even though they were flush against each other it still wasn’t close enough. She felt desperate, panicked, like if she didn’t have him now she would die. He backed them up while his lips still moved against hers, all teeth and tongue and them, spinning at the last moment so that he sat on the cushions and pulled her down onto his lap. He never let go once. His fingers moved from her waist to her neck, into her hair as he cradled her neck, kissing her deeply. She moaned against his mouth, grinding against the hardness of him against her core. Her long skirt, white and chiffon with a large slit up to her upper thigh, bunched around her waist as his free hand found her thigh, moving higher, higher, higher until he found what he was looking for and the sound that left both their mouths was not human or fae, but pure animal. She moved against his hand, breathless against his lips, needing more of him, all of him. The feeling left her breathless and dizzy, that all-consuming lust and love that she had only ever felt with him.

‘It feels like you missed me,’ he breathed into her ear, and she tipped her head back as he brushed his thumb over her bundle of nerves, slick and aching for him. Her answering moan left him chuckling against her ear and the sound sent a bolt of lightning straight through her. His lips against her ear were always her undoing, but when he used his fingers like that? She felt like she could combust right then and there.

She still had enough wits about her to move her fingers down to his pants, fumbling with the buttons because she needed him inside her. She couldn’t wait, didn’t want slow or teasing, she just wanted him. All of him.

When he was finally free she shifted, swatting his fingers away before she sunk down on him slowly, the air escaping her lungs with each inch. He groaned against her mouth, his fingers instead moving to her waist to help guide her and gripping her so tightly she knew he’d leave a bruise. Wanted him to.

‘Fuck Elain,’ Lucien breathed, his voice choked, and she nodded breathlessly as she begun moving slowly while her fingers gripped his shoulders. Their foreheads connected, already glazed with sweat, like the fire within them burned them from the inside out. Breathing each other in with each lift and sink, Lucien bucking his hips to go deeper, and she whimpered as she kissed him again. And again. It was messy and wet and so perfectly them that she had to swallow the ever-growing lump in her throat. Never again. She’d tell him, they were never leaving each other again.

The bond in Elain’s chest bloomed hotter, tight, and fierce, her body heightened as she rose higher and higher, the familiar coiling sensation building as she moved faster, needing him undone. She wanted him to spill inside her, come together, feel their bond reach that crescendo that was unlike any other worldly experience. She nipped on his lip, her fingers moving to his cheek as she stroked his skin. ‘I love you.’ She spoke against his mouth, or maybe she didn’t speak at all, but suddenly they both came hard, their moans and breaths filling the air around them as they gripped each other tightly through it. Never letting go.

Her forehead rested against his, slick with sweat, their clothes still on, and she breathed out a laugh as she closed her eyes. He panted against her temple, his fingers running up and down her thighs and fuck she’d never get over this feeling.

‘Let’s go upstairs so I can bed you properly mate,’ Lucien whispered in her ear and her laugh echoed in the library even after he winnowed them away.

[moregraceful]

max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically

[sibyl-of-space]

Final builds of demo are exported. I am so tired. Tomorrow I finish the trailer and Sunday I finish the final presentation of the steam page and press submit. Everything going well the demo releases in a week..............

[slippery-minghus]

ughhhh my coworker who i have to sit stupidly close to just tested positive. and he literally messaged me this morning hemming and hawing about coming in, but he didn't want to waste his pto. he shouldve fuckin stayed home. and the county literally just lifted the mask mandate for doctors offices on monday afternoon. if i get sick i'm gonna be so fuckin pissed

[awearywritersworld]

megumi's teacher — gojo satoru x reader

tags/warnings: fluff. fem!reader. gojo beefing with an eight year old. 700 words.

ever since megumi started the second grade, it's been (l/n)-sensei this. (l/n)-sensei that.

gojo picks up megumi's favorite ice cream, only to be scolded by the young boy. "(l/n)-sensei's favorite flavor is strawberry, so that's my favorite now!"

gojo tries to help him with his math homework, and it's "(l/n)-sensei did it this way. that means you should too!"

gojo reaches down to tie megumi's shoes for him, before his hand is promptly smacked away. "(l/n)-sensei said big boys tie their own shoes!"

honestly, gojo is starting to feel a little jealous. megumi's known you for what? two months?

he's been raising megumi for the past few years, but does that earn him an ounce of the adoration the young boy seems to have for you?

apparently not, though he perseveres nonetheless.

he and megumi are spending the afternoon out in the city and they stop at a small bakery for lunch.

while megumi is distracted looking at all the sweets behind the glass counter, the bell on the door draws gojo's attention.

his eyes fall upon a pretty young woman. actually, you might just be the prettiest woman he's ever seen.

and of course, a smirk forms on his lips when he catches you looking his way. he's puffing out his chest, running a hand through his hair.

he's always had a certain effect on the ladies, and he's never been more happy about that until this very moment—

"megumi?" you call from a few feet away. the wide smile adorning your face makes you look even more radiant.

while gojo visibly deflates, megumi's head whips around at the speed of light. "(l/n)-sensei!"

oh.

gojo very quickly comes to understand why the boy is so enamored by you.

megumi launches himself at you, while you crouch to meet him with open arms.

"i'm so happy to see you!" he practically sings, clinging to your neck.

you chuckle at his enthusiasm. "i'm happy to see you too, 'gumi."

gojo clears his throat, hoping that megumi will take the chance to introduce you two, but he is completely ignored.

"what are you going to get? i'll buy it for you," he states proudly, despite having zero money of his own.

your gaze shifts to gojo for the first time, and having your attention even just for a brief moment takes his breath away.

"that's very sweet megumi, but that's alright." you ruffle his hair when he pouts at your words, standing back up. "who's this?"

"oh that's just gojo. don't worry about him," he states with a wave of his hand.

the white haired man gawks at him in response. the nerve on that kid! he silently decides megumi will be losing dessert privileges for a week. no, two.

you stifle a giggle before offering your hand to him and introducing yourself as megumi's teacher.

he repeats your name, taking satisfaction in the way it sounds rolling off his tongue.

"that's a pretty name," he compliments, trying to recover from megumi's dismissal. "heard a lot about you. in fact, the kid never shuts up about you."

this earns him a glare from megumi, but gojo is too preoccupied with the shy look that crosses your features to notice.

gojo insists on paying for your order, a show of appreciation for taking such good care of megumi in class. you chat with the pair of them for a little while longer before eventually excusing yourself.

"thank you again, gojo-san. i'll see you on monday, megumi!"

just as you're turning on your heel, gojo calls your name and you look back at him expectantly.

"when, uh," he struggles, scratching the back of his neck. "when do i get to see you?"

nice.

"oh! well, parent-teacher conferences are only a few weeks away! i'll look forward to seeing you then," you answer sweetly, misunderstanding the meaning behind his words.

you bid them goodbye once more and they both watch your figure disappear down the street.

megumi turns to look at gojo smugly. "weeks? that sounds like a really long time—"

"shut it, kid."

[britneyshakespeare]

i wish i didn't get immovably anxious every time i even think about taking a covid test