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she-karev · 8 months

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Adventures in Babysitting and Singing (Alex Karev’s Sister Babysits Harriet Avery)

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: So after all the angst and the family drama I decided to do a little fun chapter. Here Amber is gonna sing due to Liz Gillies being an underrated singer who deserves more recognition. The gif above is Amber's outfit at Joe's during karaoke.

Summary: Amber is tasked with babysitting Harriet Kepner-Avery and struggles throughout the day.

Words: 6254

I walk by Vik Roy in the lockers after getting my scrubs from the laundry to get started on my next shift. It’s day 13 and I am still learning the ropes of this place. You would think the directory would be extremely helpful, but it might as well be in Mandarin, and I only took ASL for my language requirement in pre-med. I open the locker and put my backpack inside when Vik opens his stupid mouth for some reason.

“You missed karaoke night last night Barbie.” I ignore his smug voice, “You should’ve seen me play that sexy little number Dream On. I think you would’ve begged to come home with me.” I feel him staring at my body after I take my white top off exposing me in my black lace trim bra, “And boy that would’ve been the best 40 minutes of my life.”

I snort at him, “40 minutes? Bitch please you’ll be lucky to last 40 seconds and that’s with performance enhancers.” The interns chuckle at my comment and Roy is persistent.

“Is that a challenge?” He grins at me.

Helm groans from across the room and comes to my defense, “Boundaries Vik you’ve heard of them, right? Have you not seen the news at all over the past year?”

I scoff at her and put my top on, “Helm I can handle myself and Vik think up new flirting techniques or the closest relationship you’ll have is with your hand.”

Vik chuckles and closes in on me, “Well maybe seeing me sing like an angel tonight will make you want to see what else this hand can do.”

Helm rolls her eyes, “The only reason your so cocky is because nobody else sings.”

“Yeah, and even if I did hear you sing there is no demon demented enough to possess me and want to take advantage of you and the 15 seconds your hardly capable of giving.” Roy rolls his eyes and is blocking my way, “Now get out of my way chunk!” I push him against the lockers to get him out of my way causing him to yell out in pain. I walk past him and wash my hands next to Helm. Suddenly we all get a page at once, I look and am elated that there is a massive car crash on the bridge.

Helm smiles, “Oh my god a massive trauma, I’m scrubbing in!”

“Not if I get there first!” I push Helm behind me and run out as fast as I can to the pit. All of the other interns fall behind because I’m the only one who’s athletic. Except for Casey Parker, his military training ties with me as we run side by side and arrive at the pit quickly grabbing gowns and gloves.

“I would be pissed I’m not the only intern here but I’ll give you props for keeping up.” I admit to Casey as I put the yellow gown on.

“Same. Where did you run like that? Track?”

“No I was an outside hitter for my volleyball team in catholic school there was a lot of cardio.”

Casey looks at me surprised, “I didn’t know you went to catholic school.”

I tie the strings on my back, “Good you shouldn’t know it.” I say it with venom.

Casey looks at me amused, “I get it. Your so mysterious and tough but I think deep down inside that hard shell is a big softie.”

I put my gloves on, “Think whatever you want buddy but I’m gonna get to scrub in before any of you losers do.”

“You were probably a girl scout and sold the cookies outside a grocery store in fourth grade.” Casey theorizes as the interns finally catch up and gown up.

“Ha! Jokes on you I skipped fourth grade and ninth and I finished premed in three years.” I chuckled smugly.

“Maybe you’re just more annoying than tough.” Casey says as we wait for an attending to come. We hear a baby cooing behind us and look to see April Kepner approaching us holding her daughter Harriet in her arm.

I stand back, “Oh um Dr. Kepner good morning I didn’t know it was bring your child to work day I would’ve requested a day off.”

April looks at all of us and groans, “Well the daycare wouldn’t take her because she has a fever and they can’t admit her unless she’s fever free for 24 hours. Dr. Avery has a big surgery coming up so I need one of you to watch Harriet and make sure she’s happy and healthy. Who’s the lucky intern?” I look at her in shock and the others take a step back and single me out as the prime candidate, “She-Karev it’s your lucky day!”

My eyes widen in horror, “No, no, no Dr. Kepner I strongly advice against that ask anybody here I am the least maternal person of all, ask them! Guys help me out!” The interns stay quiet though and I don’t blame them. Just then the ambulance arrives with the sirens blaring and the baby cries. Kepner puts the crying baby in my arms and I automatically hold her by her armpits still processing.

“Okay monitor her temp.” Kepner gives me instructions that I listen to even though my stress has risen above a ten, “If it gets above 101, give her a teaspoon of acetaminophen and give her fluids. She needs milk in ten minutes bottle is in the bag you got this Karev.” Kepner plops the baby bag on the floor and rushes out to the bay.

“Have fun babysitting Barbie!” I hear Roy yell out as I look at this baby in front of me in horror as she continues to cry. I put her in a football position, bend down, grab the bag and head out groaning at what my day has suddenly turned into.

An Hour Later

I sit in a chair at the nurse’s station trying to feed Harriet but she won’t take the bottle. She just keeps crying and wiggling in my arms and people are looking at me like I’m a bad parent. I try to put the bottle in her mouth so she can latch but she won’t do it and it is frustrating me.

“Please, please eat I am begging you.” Harriet cries harder, “Oh god come on it’s milk from your mom straight from the breast you should love this come on man give me a break.”

“Well this is a scary sight.” I swing my chair around to find Alex and Jo looking at me with pity, “Whats Harriet doing with you?” Jo asks, “She doesn’t look like she’s having fun and neither are you.”

The baby keeps crying and I think a vein is popping out of my forehead, “She has a fever, daycare isn’t admitting her and Kepner stuck me with her brat. Now I think this baby is starving herself so she can die and her parents will fire me. Don’t do me like that Harriet come on!” I try to feed her again but Harriet won’t let me and her fussiness escalates to screaming and my eyes widen at the volume this kid is achieving. Alex stands in front of me.

“Okay come on let Uncle Alex take you away from the mean lady.” Alex takes the baby from my arms and takes the bottle. Almost immediately Harriet stops crying and takes the bottle Alex puts in her mouth to my shock.

Jo looks at us back and forth perplexed by how differently we handle the baby, “Are you sure you two are related?”

“What did you do?” I ask my brother as he rocks Harriet.

“Nothing. Maybe it’s just you.”

I furrow my eyes in question, “What do you mean maybe it’s me? I tried exactly what you did and that Chestburster was screaming at me.”

“Chestburster?” Jo asks.

Alex chuckles, “It’s a creature from Alien the one that burst out of that guy’s chest and killed him.”

“Well, I think that’s your answer on why she doesn’t like you.” Jo looks at me in dark amusement.

Alex moves toward me and I back up, “Whoa what are you doing?”

“I have a surgery in an hour and I need to map out the plan for the patient’s parents. This Chestburster is your problem now.”

I panic and try to sway him, “I’ll pay you to take her off my hands please I am begging you.”

“You’re an intern you couldn’t afford me, here.” Alex puts Harriet in my arms and she cries again and I whimper, “Don’t freak out so much babies can tell and then they freak out too.”

I look at him annoyed, “Can’t I just dip my finger in whiskey and put it in her mouth?”

“You do know that baby is an Avery, right? So, her entire family will come after you and sue you for everything your worth if you ply her with alcohol.” I groan at Alex being right, “I gotta go.”

Alex leaves me to take care of the crying baby and I look to Jo in desperation but she catches on, “No.” She then walks away and I lean back trying to rock the baby against me to calm her down.

Later

I sit on the single bed cross legged in front of Harriet who is also on the bed playing with her teething ring. After getting her fever down she started to calm down thank God. I was able to feed her a whole bottle and now I’m just watching her teeth on a rubber ring. It’s like Disneyland to her but to me it’s just watching a baby grind her toothless mouth against something. I sigh and look at her bored.

“So do you know any good jokes?” Harriet looks at me oblivious of what I asked, “I just figured some of the other kids at daycare told you some that are exclusive among toddlers. I probably wouldn’t get the joke anyway given how you can’t even make a knowledgeable sound let alone say knock knock.” I can’t believe my source of communication at the moment is a 1-year-old. I check my phone to see if Dr. Kepner or Avery paged me to bring her to them, “Well looks like your stuck with me a while longer kid, sorry.” Harriet stops teething and makes an unknown face and wince at me. I raise my eyebrows, “What is it? What’s that face for?” I catch a funky smell and I pause. I take another sniff and gag as I realize why she made that face, “Oh god!”

I immediately stand up and grab Harriet by her armpits so I don’t have her stinky diaper anywhere near me. I breathe through my mouth and try to open the door but I’m busy holding the baby and I don’t want to put her down as I see her diaper is leaking through her pants. I knock on the door with my foot and yell out, “Help! Someone open this door, this kid needs a diaper change!”

The door opens and Andrew comes in amused by the sight and laughs at my expense before closing the door.

"Fun day?" Andrew asks with a grin that pisses me off.

“Shut up and help me she’s leaking!”

“I got her give her to me.” Andrew takes the baby from me and goes to the single bed to lay her down by her bag, “Hello bambina does somebody need a change?” Andrew smiles as he starts to change Harriet’s diaper.

My eyes water at the fumes as I stand behind him as he kneels down in front of the bed, “Oh god it smells so bad.”

Andrew chuckles, “Yeah I think you broke Amber here Harriet.” I glare at him even when he does a baby voice for Harriet who giggles, “Who knew all it took was a leaking diaper from a very cute baby to break that Fort Knox of a woman. Yeah, you did Harriet.” Andrew laughs at Harriet’s giggle, and I marvel at how he’s so good with this baby.

I sigh, “How is everybody better than me with babies?”

Andrew looks at me curious, “You never babysat before? Or had friends with kids?”

“No.” I admit softly.

Andrew chuckles lightly while he wipes Harriet's bottom, “Oh that explains a lot. And I heard about the scene from this morning the nurses were close to calling the cops on you. Can you pass me a diaper?”

I look at him frustrated and dig in the bag to hand him the diaper, “Don’t patronize me you know just because I have breasts doesn’t mean I’m maternal at the first sight of a baby DeLuca.”

“Okay I’m sorry I was just saying there’s an underlying factor here at why you're not bonding with Harriet that’s all.”

“I may look it, but I am not Stacey from The Babysitter’s Club.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow as he finishes changing Harriet, “I didn’t think you read those books. I figured you for a Goosebumps kid.”

“Oh, I was but I finished the whole series and got bored.”

Andrew grins and focuses on Harriet, “Okay little lady let’s go for a ride!” Andrew lifts Harriet up and lifts her in the air like a rocket. She giggles and grins at him I roll my eyes at her that DeLuca catches as he set's Harriet down in a hip hold, “Come on you could take a note from Stacey and just relax around her babies can tell when your stressed and they get stressed too.”

I groan, “You sound like Alex.” Andrew laughs as he rocks the baby up and down, “Don’t laugh at me DeLuca nothing in my life has prepped me for this, Malcolm in the Middle had better parents than me.”

“Okay you make a good point. If you find it hard to relax just sing to the baby that works every time look.” Andrew starts to sing in Italian, and I don’t know the words, but I’m entranced at that gorgeous Italian man singing and so is the baby. He sings for a few moments and stops, “My sister used to sing that to me when I would have trouble falling asleep.”

I am still gawking at him, “What is wrong with you? Tell me now because no living person should be this perfect.” Andrew chuckles and he gets an alert from his phone ending this sweet moment.

“I’m about to tell you, I have to go the pit is overcrowded. Here take the baby.”

I give him my best puppy eyes and whine, “Please stay I am so bad at this and you’re hot and Italian and you can sing she loves you and she hates me. If you leave, we're gonna kill each other.” I say that last one in a serious tone to explain the gravity of my situation.

“I can’t stay I’m a resident and I don’t need a write up.” He gives me the baby and turns to leave.

I need to pull out the big guns, “If you stay, I’ll do that thing with my tongue you like so much.”

Andrew stops and turns raising an eyebrow, “Amber-”

“Twice. Three times!” I’m so desperate I’ll let him call the shots all night if it means getting this kid off my back.

Andrew’s eyes widen at the suggestion but he remains strong, “As much as I want to negotiate sexual propositions in front of a baby, I have to pass and save lives. Just remember what I said when in doubt belt a song out.” Andrew kisses me quickly and leaves the room.

I look at the bundle of terror in my arms and frown, “I don’t suppose you could do me a solid and not cry the rest of the day?” As if she heard me and wants to defy me she starts to cry and I freak out, “Oh no. No, no it’s okay the sexy Italian is gone but you still got me that’s something right?” Harriet starts to cry harder and I look around and find the teething ring, “Here do you want to teeth some more? Will that make you feel better?” I try to put it in her mouth, but she yells, and I keep it away from her, “No? Okay no teething got it.”

I bounce up and down with Harriet’s head over my shoulder to try to calm her down and she finally stops crying. I exhale in relief until I hear a gargled sound come out of Harriet and I feel a wet sensation along my shoulder blades. I stop bouncing and take a deep breath, so I don’t freak out about baby vomit on me.

The baby cries again and all I want to do is put her on the bed and get myself new scrubs but if I did that I would be arrested for child endangerment. I move her to a football position so I don’t get more throw up on me and try to soothe her.

“Shhh. Come on I fed you, I changed you, I patted you and now I have your lunch on me what else can I do?” Harriet keeps crying and I pat her back, “Okay you and I need to come to an understanding here. I am not a baby person until today I never even held an infant and you seem to sense that hence why you like everybody except me. And it’s pretty clear that you are just a baby and you can’t tell me what you want so here’s what I’m gonna do.” Harriet keeps crying as I explain, “I am gonna take that handsome man’s advice and sing to you if it will get you to stop crying and I walk out of here with my sanity intact. But if you tell anyone what I did in this room I will make your life miserable when you become an intern here and I'm your attending. Okay give me a second, I’m a little rusty.”

I clear my throat and take a sip of Harriet’s apple juice before starting with a song I practiced in front of a mirror for five months. I rack my brain to remember the lyrics to Hopelessly Devoted To You and start, “Guess mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first to cry.” I sing Olivia Newton-John over Harriet’s cries, “I’m not the first to know there’s just no getting over you. I know I’m just a fool who’s willing to sit around and wait for you.” It’s starting to work because Harriet is calming down and looking at me transfixed like she did with DeLuca causing me to smile and pause, “Yeah you like that huh? Well, your gonna love the chorus.” I sing the rest of the song praying the walls and doors are thick enough so no one can hear me.

Later

Casey stands outside the room grinning as he hears a muffled Amber inside the room singing Greased Lightning from Grease. He was just walking down the hall to do scut when he heard a familiar voice through the door. He opened the door a creak and saw it was Amber sitting on the bed singing There are Worse Things I Could Do to Harriet in bed while holding and feeding her. He almost gave himself away because the sight was too shocking to take but he just closed the door before he could be caught. Now he’s been standing outside for 15 minutes listening to Amber singing like an angel in scrubs. Helm and Schmitt find him and look at him confused and approach him.

Helm starts, “What are you-”

“Shh! You’ll give me away.” Casey says in a hushed tone confusing them more.

“Why are we whispering?” Schmitt whispers as Dahlia comes up to them joining the crowd.

“Hey, what’s-”

“Shh!” Dahlia’s eyes widen at Casey trying to keep them quiet, “Listen.” They all press their ears against the door and listen to Amber singing the bridge. It takes them a minute until they recognize the voice.

“No!” Helm exclaims causing the others to shush her.

“Is it really her?” Dahlia asks in disbelief, “I mean it could be another intern Amber saddled the baby with.”

Schmitt shakes his head still in shock, “No I think it’s her it’s her voice she’s just not using it to threaten us.”

“I checked and it is her.” Casey confirms with a smile causing the others to chuckle lightly, “You should’ve heard her sing Summer Night it was like Olivia Newton-John transported in that room.”

“Oh my god this is the best thing ever.” Dahlia says with a squeak.

Casey chuckles, “I know right? I told her she was a softie on the inside and now it’s coming out inside that room.” Casey presses his ear against the door, “And now she’s singing Beauty School Dropout.” They all press their ears to the door pushing each other for a better audio.

Dahlia’s eyes shoot up as she hears Amber singing, “She’s actually pretty good.”

Schmitt agrees, “She’s not just good she sounds like an angel.”

“Even though she has a demon’s personality.” Helm groans, “She’s beautiful, she has a hot bod, she’s related to Karev, and she can sing. I would find her attractive if it wasn’t annoying.”

Casey nods, “Same.” They all stand there listening for a few moments until Andrew spots them by the door.

“What are you all doing?” They get startled and get away from the door trying to look normal.

Schmitt panics, “U-Um we were just um-”

“Heading to the pit to deal with the overflow?” Andrew asks sternly and they comply, running in the other direction to the ER.

Andrew walks down the hall and moves to open the door until he hears singing through the door freezing him in place. He puts his ear against the door and hears Amber singing to the baby. He grins at Amber taking his advice and opens the door finding Amber on the floor singing to the baby while she plays with a toy.

Amber stops and clears her throat as soon as she saw the door open, “Hey I finally got her to calm down. We argued a bit and there was some vomit, but we came to an understanding and now we’re girlfriends right Harriet?” Amber tries to act casual and DeLuca nods with a knowing grin causing Amber to close her eyes in despair, “How much did you hear?”

“Just ‘missed your midterms and flunked shampoo’ that was it.” Andrew chuckles and sits next to Amber on the floor, “I see my advice worked.”

Amber chuckles, “Yeah I had to sing Summer Night three times just to get her to hold still while I changed her.”

Andrew laughs, “Man I wish you paged me I could’ve been your Danny.”

“You do remind me a little of Danny.” Amber gives the teething ring to Harriet, “And if you ever tell anyone what you heard today I will never let you see me naked again.”

Andrew chuckles, “You know your better at this than you give yourself credit for. I mean I was afraid to leave you here alone but look at you Stacey.”

Amber groans at the state of her, “Yeah I’m sweaty, I’m covered in vomit, and I think I smell like feces.”

“You do I just didn’t want to bring it up.” Andrew grins and puts his arm around Amber’s shoulder drawing her towards him as they watch the baby.

"I should probably tell you she vomited on my back that you're putting your arm around." Amber informs him causing him to groan in disgust as he sees it rubbed off on his bare arm. She laughs at him while he rubs his arm with the baby wipes, "Harriet you just became my favorite person right now."

Andrew looks at her in amused offense, "Oh you think that's funny?"

"I think it's hilarious I'm not the only one covered in puke right now." Amber states with a chuckle causing Andrew to grin and dangle the used wipe in front of her face causing her to back away in fear, "No get that thing away from me or I will call the police." Andrew laughs at her reaction and throws the wipe away.

"It looks like you don't need me to babysit anymore. Are you good to watch her the rest of the day Stacey?"

Amber grins at him, "Yeah don't worry I got about four musicals to introduce Harriet to. I'll let you know if I'm doing a duet you can go now Danny." Andrew chuckles and leaves the room. Amber exhales exhausted and turned to Harriet who looks at her with a pleading face, "All right kid have you ever heard Cats?"

That Night

I enter the locker room carrying Harriet against my hip with the baby bag slung over my shoulder. I’m tired and my throat is a little sore from all the singing but as long as it got Harriet to keep quiet, I would sing Spice Girl’s if she wanted. I sit on the bench exhaling in exhaustion as I hold the baby. I notice something is wrong in the atmosphere and look to find Helm, Schmitt, Parker and Qadri stealing glances at me and grinning.

I furrow my eyebrows and ask, “What?”

Helm shakes her head as she opens her locker, “Nothing.”

“We’re just getting ready to leave She-Karev that’s all.” Parker nonchalantly chimes in and I look at him confused but I go back to the baby in my arms dangling the teething ring above her playing with her.

“Summer loving had me a blast.” I freeze as I hear Parker singing under him breathe and Dahlia follows.

“Summer loving happened so fast.” I look up to find them both smiling as they sing mocking me and I keep a blank face.

“I met a girl crazy for me.” Casey sings louder with Helm and Schmitt snickering.

“Met a boy cute as can be.” I put the teething ring away and am frustrated there’s a baby in my arms stopping me from hitting these guys. Casey and Dahlia laugh and perform a duet.

“Summer days drifting away, to-ah! Oh the summer nights.”

Schmitt and Helm join in, “Well-a, well-a, well-a huh.” I glare at all of them.

“You have no idea how lucky you all are that there’s a child in my arms because you wouldn’t make it past the second verse.” After the threat I reach for the diaper bag and wipe the drool off Harriet’s mouth while the others laugh.

“When I accused you of being soft I thought you read an EE Cummings poem at your graduation and cried I didn’t think you memorized the whole Grease soundtrack.” Casey says with a laugh and I throw the baby wipes at him that he protects himself from.

Dahlia grins at me, “How did you get so good? I heard you and you sound like a pop star. Were you in choir?”

“Did you audition for Broadway when you were in New York?” Schmitt asks seriously.

“No glee! you were a gleek weren’t you?” Helm asks with joy and I roll my eyes as I stand up when the baby gets fussy.

Casey calls out, “Oh come on Karev we’re just messing with you don’t storm out.”

“I’m not storming out.” I say as I pace back and forth, “Harriet likes it when I’m moving although I wish she would like it when I break your faces off.”

Casey chuckles, “Come on we already caught you singing Olivia Newton-John tell us the story of how you got into singing.”

Dahlia turns and gives me her full attention, “Oh yeah come on we want the story come on tell us please!”

“Please!” Helm begs from her spot and I see Schmitt listening too.

I groan as I pace the small room, “Fine but this is the only time you will ever hear about my past, got it?” They all nod eagerly and I continue, “My counselor recommended a creative after school program so I could better my chances of getting a scholarship. I looked and…I signed up for theater club.” The group widened their eyes and chuckled, “One year we did Grease and I was cast as Sandy. And I was good.”

“I knew it!” Casey smiles, “I knew you were a big softie.”

“As soon as this child is out of my arms and in the comfort of her home, I will make your lives hell.” I hiss with a glare.

Casey shrugs and still grins, “No you won’t your too sensitive.”

Jackson Avery comes in and is surprised to find me with Harriet, “Ah She-Karev when Kepner told me she handed Harriet off to Karev I assumed your brother but he wouldn’t be at her disposal.”

I exhale in relief, “Okay this Chestburster is all yours.” I gladly handed him the baby.

“Hey sweetheart.” Jackson coos at Harriet, “Did you give the new intern a hard time today?”

I shake my head, “No she was pretty easy.” I lie to cover my struggle, “I fed her an hour ago and we just hung out nothing much.”

Jackson chuckles, “She gave you hell didn’t she.”

“Big time.” I say bluntly and Jackson nods confirming his suspicions, “Dr. Avery I know your my boss and so is Dr. Kepner and your mother is the overlord and you could destroy my career and kill me and get away with it. But in the future I do not babysit I am not Stacey from The Babysitter’s Club.”

Jackson raises an eyebrow at me and the other’s look at me confused, “Duly noted She-Karev, good night.” Avery leaves us and I turn to the group who look at me with doe eyes. I know their gonna ask me something.

“Just ask.”

“Please beat Vik at karaoke tonight.” Helm begs with praying hands.

“No!”

Dahlia groans, “Come on you know you want to give that snooty douche a kick in the ass. You just can’t do it physically or you’d get arrested.”

Schmitt nods, “He did harass you this morning that didn’t piss you off?”

“Of course it does but I’ve gotten use to it as a woman who looks the way I do.” I head to my locker and take my stinky top off and gag and the stain, “Remind me to tell cleaning services to burn this shirt. And no I am not going to sing in front of everyone just to emasculate that guy. I have dignity and I have a reputation to uphold.”

“You had a reputation.” Casey clarifies, “And that tough reputation was replaced by a theater loving nerd who reads kids books in her free time.” I growl under my breath for mentioning The Babysitter’s Club.

“It’s out now She-Karev and we’re gonna tell people and it will spread around like an STD.” Helm says with pride.

I look at her in disgust, “Why did you use a sexually transmitted disease as an example? You could’ve used wildfire you freak.” I put my clothes on and try to ignore them as they beg, “You know I could get my brother to assign you guys B-Team for spreading an embarrassing secret about me.”

Schmitt’s eyes widen, “Uh maybe we should find somebody else to do this, nurse Taylor hums pretty good.”

“Shut up Glasses.” Helm snaps and turns to me, “A nurse or an orderly heard you these walls are too thin I think the remodeling forgot to soundproof. The point is we need a singer to crush Vik and your our best shot.”

“We would do it but we don’t have your voice and Roy is subpar at best so you can take him.” Dahlia makes a praying hands, “Please what will it take for you to say yes and do this big favor for us?”

I am buttoning my jeans when an idea pops into my head and I look at them mischievous, “You really want to know?”

Schmitt get’s scared, “I think we made a mistake here.”

“No.” Casey persists though, “Name your price so you can sing your beautiful voice tonight and we’ll do it.”

I slam my locker and stand face to face with the four of them who look scared but stand strong, “Fine if I do this for you guys and you four rotate on every rectal exam I’m assigned to for the next two months.”

“Done!” Helm is the first to agree and the others nod grinning to my shock.

“Wow you guys really want me to do this.” I say surprised, “Fine if it’ll get me to eat lunch during work I’ll do it.” They cheer at my compliance.

Casey quickly slams his locker, “Grab your purse and let’s go to karaoke night!” I groan and sling my purse as the others practically drag me to Joe’s.

Later

I’m sitting in a small table drinking beer and eating nuts as I watch Vik on the small stage singing Maniac by Michael Sembello. He’s barely holding the notes and he’s never heard of singing from your diaphragm but he acts like he’s Sinatra.

I roll my eyes at the display and see DeLuca from the bar giving me a wink. I keep my grin to myself and I discretely text him, ‘not in front of them. Later at your place.’ I send it to him and he reads it and raises an eyebrow at me before typing. I get a text that says, ‘is the tongue thing still on the table?’ I inhale before texting, ‘well talk when there aren’t people who can see us making sex eyes’ I add a side eye emoji and hit send. He reads it and licks his lips in anticipation before turning his back away from my direction. I put my phone down and look at Vik on stage making an ass of himself.

Helm obviously saw me and asks, “Who were you texting?”

“None of your business.” I snap and she retreats. Vik finally stops singing and the audience scatters applause, I clap and yell out, “Yeah we’re clapping because it’s over.” Helm laughs and Vik rolls his eyes as he takes his seat at our table and the bar owner takes the stage.

“All right next up on karaoke night is a last minute entry, lets give a warm welcome to Amber Karev!” The audience cheers and I stand up before Vik makes a snide comment.

“Don’t choke.”

“Choke on the nuts.” I step onto the stage and browse through the selection and choose a song I’ve sung in the shower multiple times. The song starts and I sing the first verse, “Now that she's back in the atmosphere with drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey.” As soon as I finish the verse the audience cheers and claps except for Vik who looks at me in shock at this surprise twist. I smile at owning that douche and continue the song, “She acts like summer and walks like rain reminds me that there's a-time to change, hey, hey Since the return of her stay on the moon she listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey, hey, hey.”

I see Vik shaking his head dissatisfied with me winning so far and he sips his beer. I look at Andrew gazing at me from the bar clearly enamored as well. I finish the rest of the song flawlessly and the audience cheer loudly and even bang the table. I chuckle, set the mic down and sit back at the table where Vik is still peeved.

“Happy now?” I ask them.

Parker laughs, “This was worth the rectals.”

Dahlia nods, “Same.”

Levi groans, “Can I back out of the deal please?”

“No were rotating and you’re taking the first.”

“Which is tomorrow I might tell you.” I chuckle and sip my beer.

“You all suck.” Roy says with a frown that makes me glad I agreed to do this. I sit around them for the first time feeling like their peers instead of acquaintances except for Roy he can go to hell. I feel someone touch my shoulder and I’m worried it’s DeLuca but it’s some frat guy in his looking at me like I’m a meal.

“Hey there what are you drinking?” I brush his hand off my leg and try to ignore him, “Maybe I can buy you another.”

“No thanks I’m gonna call it a night and go home.”

“Is that an invite?” The guy grins at me and I groan in disgust and Helm rolls her eyes annoyed as well, “I saw your little performance and I thought a night of relaxing would be good for that magic throat of yours. Is it magic in just singing or other things as well?”

The interns except Roy come to my aid, “Okay I think it’s time for you to leave buddy she doesn’t want to go with you so be a man and take the rejection.” I look at Casey in appreciation before speaking for myself.

“Yeah and I’m taken at the moment and he wouldn’t like you harassing me very much.” They look at me in shock over telling this guy I was seeing someone.

“Wait what is this? Who is the guy Karev?” Roy asks.

“Yeah who is the guy and where is he to defend your honor little lady?” The frat guy is persistent.

“Is there a problem here?” DeLuca overheard this and he’s come to protect me. I find it both barbaric and touching, “Karev?”

I clear my throat and speak casually, “No thank you Dr. DeLuca I am more than capable of taking care of myself and this asshole.”

The guy chuckles, “Oh come on baby I’m just having fun.” He puts his hand on my shoulder and I immediately react by grabbing his wrist and put him in an arm lock with his body against the table, “Ow, ow, ow!”

Casey looks on in shock and exclaims, "Damn!" The others look on in shock as I hold him down spraining his wrist.

“What the hell is your problem lady?!”

“You are!” I yell out and see Andrew looking at my self defense technique in quiet shock, “Now get out of my sight and keep your hands to yourself. The next woman you harass might have a gun.” I bring him back up and push him away roughly. He walks away and stand there looking at DeLuca who looks at me with an impressed grin.

“I guess you can take care of yourself. Have a good night, Dr. Karev.”

“Good night Dr. DeLuca.” I say with the same level of professionalism he used and he leaves us.

I sit back down sipping my beer as the others gape at me, “Oh yeah did I not mention that I traded theater for boxing?” I say with a grin at their horrified expressions as their renewed fear of me reignites my pleasure.

“…Yeah, I was wrong your just a terrifying force of nature with a good voice.” Casey admits in defeat. I clink my glass with his and sip my beer in satisfaction over how my hellish day ended.

#greys anatomy #alex karev #jo wilson #andrew deluca #amber karev #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #headcanon #greysedit #greysanatomyedit #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy edit #harriet kepner avery #jackson avery #april kepner

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pennycat83 · 1 month

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Wanted to make a fanfic for my AU

TLDR: stupid idiot tardigrade tries to wake up a creature than can very much fuck her up just 'cause she wants to check up with it for work stuff.

(⚠️:Mild body horror and violence)

Brief gasps of light crawled the windows of the house, slinking back with the sun. It traced the abandoned furniture that now strewed the back garden, finally bidding farewell to the newly lit Jack o lanterns that guarded the backdoor.

A silhouette stirred in one of the derelict rooms, eye twitching with the silent glare of the sunset, tail flicking slowly, her eye dragged around the room. It took her a moment to adjust to the layout and recognized she wasn't gazing from the center of the mildly cramped space, and the dangerous lack of any familiar plush clutter and cosy technology.

She hadn't bothered investigating the house so far simply out of basic respect, but something forced her out of the mountain of blankets. She crouched over the smashed bookshelf. A good amount of 'Alex's' things had been left outside both to make navigation easier, alongside some lingering...things.

Most of it was things she had expected, 'notebooks...notebooks, oh shit blank VHS-no they're filled with stuff'. She hesitated pocketing it for research purposes but decided on one of the recent notebooks that was the plumpest with sticky notes and clippings.

After a few hours she finally gave up, claws subconsciously pawing at her neck. She grimaced, shuffling over to her suitcase and pulling out a toiletry kit. Leaving the bathroom almost an hour later with a cloud of humidity and a clump of sleepwear tucked under her shoulder.

She froze. '17:43...', her neck whipped to the guest room, throwing the laundry back into the 'guest room'. She was more than opposed to being adverse to client requests...but-

The door had been slammed shut, splinters of wood still littering the ground as freshly ripped police tape hung limp around the edges of the frame and floor. She shuffled close, her paws straining to flip flop closer. Pressing her ear against the door in a stupid attempt to make anything out.

The door creaked open, the piercing light of the hallway seeping into the dank space. She froze; huffed slightly, snapping her arms to her side in an awkward confidence boost maneuver, as her neck jutted up and down slightly.

Her heart lapped at the sides of her ribs as she stood over the nest of furniture. A familiar orange ball of a spikey onesie slumped inside, heaving slightly amidst the rubbish and random knickknacks.

"M...Mr Clyde?". She tussled the form slightly, straining slightly over the table, her paw pads instantly searing with brief pain...nothing. "Mr Clyde...".

Moving somewhat clumsily atop the table. She shoved him harder, the skin of her paw pads tightening and loosening. She huffed, flopping cross-legged before him, arms folded. "...Fuckin' fine!". Moving to the dresser top and stumbling atop it's form.

It's side was somewhat warm. Most of it's body almost resembled the state of it's victims, tight almost bony skin drowning in a baggy claws wrapped around itself in a futile attempt to provide extra comfort.

She was unironically considering spooning up into the little gap between it's chest- 'N/A! Clients are clients, we RESPECT motherfucking couples...I think-'. Penny chan sighed, considering any other space around him aside from simply annoying him awake.

Fuck it, scrambling off the padded form, she began moving up the dresser again, too short. Pulling a stool up from the surrounding hoard, she stood over him...just right~.

In a single swan dive she flung herself from the drawer, pile driving her elbow sharply into Clyde's side. An unpleasant wheeze sputtered out from the Veldigun, it almost reminded her of a hoarse child's cry and the remains of a demonic groan tube.

"WHAT?!". In a single grab the demon loomed over head, claws digging into Penny chan's neck as her legs dangled weakly. "Y-you...d-didn't respond- YOU DIDN'T FUCKIN' RESPOND TO MY WAKE UP ASSHOLE!". The lash out didn't phase it in the slightest, unlike the now set of piercing canines digging into it's claws.

Dropping her to the floor in another pained wince, whipping out a palchion blade from her back. "やめて!!". They both froze, if only out of the length of the blade just piercing the skin between Clyde's eyes.

She exhaled shakily, "now then...clearly, I made a mistake pounding your ass. But I need you awake so I can relay information clearly, I'm fully aware you're nocturnal, but I rely HEAVILY on communication".

"Christ man, I get yer pissed but like, I'm kinda sorta doin' this from the bottom of my heart here. Like ya sure I could easily ramsack this place for all it's worth 'n ditch ya. But I ain't I...", she heaved slightly from the sinking frustration in her chest.

"Look, why don't we...like plan shit downstairs 'n I can go through s'me stuff, right?". The piercing gaze of the demon in front remaining as stoic as usual. "If we talk downstairs you get to hold my bat plushie".

At that, the demon's head cocked slightly. "...fine", "y'can also...bite my arm 'r somethin' if it makes you feel better". It huffed slightly, wasting no time in sinking it's teeth into her arm. It's quivering twin rummaging around her jean pocket until it pulled out a familiar bat plush.

Handing it awkwardly to the demon, the weight on her arm lightened slightly. Turning her gaze away until she turned back to face it. The bat plush now safely tucked in the onsie, it's little eyes gazing at her.

"Right, now then...I'm gonna head downstairs 'cause I need a fuckin' moment". With that she started slumping her way out of the room.

#doai au #doai clyde #my stupid ass fic #doai sitcom au #the sitcom went Too Many Cooks half way through #:(

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halothenthehorns · 10 months

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Chapter 9: WE VISIT THE DEMON DUDE RANCH

Magnus looked personally offended at what he'd just read as the new chapter title. "I take it back, I don't want to know what the Triple G stands for anymore."

"Ugh, I'm with you on this one," Alex huffed. "Manly dudes strutting around being all macho with cowboy boots sounds as appealing as going shopping with Karen. Unless some Brokeback Mountain shit goes on, I'm out."

Magnus felt a very debilitating sense of hope as he realized Alex might not think muscular dudes like Hugh Jackman were his type...but wait, what did that say about himself?

"I'm sensing a lot of denim in this upcoming chapter and I am not going to like it," Thalia grumbled.

"Wearing a cowboy hat to cover up horns should be no one's idea of a good time," Jason agreed, though he would totally call in an I told you so to Percy if he guessed it right.

"But, but, cute animals!" Will protested. He enjoyed the south, thank you very much, and missed it quite a lot in the winter especially. It was really charming in the right places.

Nico was huddled up in his seat deep into his jacket. He'd been loathing this oncoming chapter and more of his crappy life on display. Will sighed, but all of the cute farm animals in the world and a merciful dry cold in the dead of winter had nothing on Nico's miserable brown eyes that just wanted to get through this.

We finally stopped in a room full of waterfalls. The floor was one big pit, ringed by a slippery stone walkway. Around us, on all four walls, water tumbled from huge pipes. The water spilled down into the pit, and even when I shined a light, I couldn't see the bottom.

"Now that would have been a badass Poseidon cabin," Jason said.

"I could do my own laundry without getting out of bed," Percy chuckled.

Briares slumped against the wall. He scooped up water in a dozen hands and washed his face. "This pit goes straight to Tartarus," he murmured. "I should jump in and save you trouble."

Percy winced uneasily at that. "I could never have a slumber party in my room though, I just know somebody's bound to fall in."

"Still think it's appropriate," Jason muttered. This area summed up his feelings about Neptune pretty well.

"Don't talk that way," Annabeth told him. "You can come back to camp with us. You can help us prepare. You know more about fighting Titans than anybody."

"You really did just stumble into a game changer of a friend in prison," Jason agreed.

"I will not be putting that in the summary, my mother would kill me!" Percy yelped.

"I have nothing to offer," Briares said. "I have lost everything."

"That's when you should build something," Alex said in one of his most serious tones of voice.

"Tyson would help," Magnus agreed with a gentleness to his voice that didn't surprise anyone.

"What about your brothers?" Tyson asked. "The other two must stand tall as mountains! We can take you to them."

"Oh, so he just needs a growth spurt, explains a lot," Percy chuckled, but it fell flat. Annabeth wasn't here to elbow him to shut up about still making jokes on that.

Briares's expression morphed to something even sadder: his grieving face. "They are no more. They faded."

The waterfalls thundered. Tyson stared into the pit and blinked tears out of his eye.

"What exactly do you mean, they faded?" I asked. "I thought monsters were immortal, like the gods."

Yet Percy looked as somber as anyone else for that question being said out loud. There had already been evidence enough immortal didn't mean one would live forever, Zoe had been more than enough of an experience for them to learn that; having been erased from history even before her death.

"Percy," Grover said weakly, "even immortality has limits. Sometimes...sometimes monsters get forgotten and they lose their will to stay immortal."

Looking at Grover's face, I wondered if he was thinking of Pan. I remembered something Medusa had told us once: how her sisters, the other two gorgons, had passed on and left her alone.

Something of that still nagged at Percy's mind, those two Bargain Mart Ladies that had chased him non-stop no matter how convinced he was they should have died from that bowling ball accident.

Then last year Apollo said something about the old god Helios disappearing and leaving him with the duties of the sun god. I'd never thought about it too much, but now, looking at Briares, I realized how terrible it would be to be so old—thousands and thousands of years old—and totally alone.

"Makes Mr. D a tad more relatable, huh?" Will asked sadly. "Stuck alone at that camp."

"He's not alone," Percy scowled, "he's got us ants there to torture!" He didn't really shout though. It did make a kind of sense put that way, even if he'd still forever wish they weren't Dionysus's punishment.

"I must go," Briares said.

"Kronos's army will invade camp," Tyson said. "We need help."

Briares hung his head. "I cannot, Cyclops."

"You are strong."

"Not anymore." Briares rose.

"Hey," I grabbed one of his arms and pulled him aside, where the roar of the water would hide our words. "Briares, we need you. In case you haven't noticed, Tyson believes in you. He risked his life for you."

I told him about everything—Luke's invasion plan, the Labyrinth entrance at camp, Daedalus's workshop, Kronos's golden coffin.

Briares just shook his head. "I cannot, demigod. I do not have a finger gun to win this game." To prove his point, he made one hundred finger guns.

Percy's heart flinched in his chest like it was trying to flee him. Looking at that given him a shot of pure fear, like looking down a military execution aimed right at him.

But it was just a game. A silly trick he'd done to help Briares escape, but like Magnus had said, it was a lesson the hundred-handed one was turning back on him now to leave.

"Maybe that's why monsters fade," I said. "Maybe it's not about what the mortals believe. Maybe it's because you give up on yourself."

"Wise words for a seaweed brain," Thalia shook her head affectionately. "Is that why you pulled him away, so Annabeth wouldn't punch you for mocking her?"

Percy grinned and mock wiped his brow in relief. "You caught me, please don't tell?"

"Nah, it can be our secret," she smiled.

His pure brown eyes regarded me. His face morphed into an expression I recognized—shame.

Percy knew even Tyson couldn't have stopped this guy and dragged him along, but he still sat there wishing he could. That he'd done something, anything else.

"I never said you have to reenact his faces Percy," Alex told him in exasperation. "Put the shame face away man, you did all you could."

"Yeah, I guess," Percy wanted to believe that anyways.

Then he turned and trudged off down the corridor until he was lost in the shadows.

Tyson sobbed.

"I lied, bring him back and stab him," Alex scowled, hands twitching for his garrote for anyone making Tyson cry.

"Maybe a tad extreme," Magnus put a cautious hand on his shoulder.

"It also disproves Nico's theory I can win any fight, because I sure didn't win that," Percy groaned. He wanted so badly to offer his brother comfort, but even back then he had no clue how.

"It's okay," Grover hesitantly patted his shoulder, which must've taken all his courage.

"I still say that was hitting Medusa, while blind, and flying," Jason grinned.

"Personal courage and battle courage aren't always the same," Thalia muttered.

Tyson sneezed. "It's not okay, goat boy. He was my hero."

"Grover should offer him a jar of peanut butter," Alex said, "nobody could be upset then."

"People allergic to peanut butter," Percy corrected.

"Have you met somebody with a nut allergy? Half of them live life on the edge and eat anyways for that stuff," Alex scoffed at his naivety.

I wanted to make him feel better, but I wasn't sure what to say.

"Never meet your hero's," Nico said casually.

Percy winced, and looked at him again. Percy had looked at him more today than he possibly had their entire time knowing each other.

Nico met those sea green eyes with a sense of relief he'd finally said it out loud for the first time. Not everything, like The Word, he still felt a cold chill run through him every time he realized he'd said that out loud, but it got slowly better every time he realized he did. Like a tight muscle unclenching itself after years of being knotted. As bad as it was for Tyson to learn, Will and Alex had been right. It was still better to know and feel the disappointment than live in ignorance forever.

Finally Annabeth stood and shouldered her backpack. "Come on, guys. This pit is making me nervous. Let's find a better place to camp for the night."

"Reason number 33 she should lead all quests," Percy nodded in agreement. "I would have just stood there until we all fell asleep trying to think of something to say."

"It's okay Percy, nobody accused you of your great strength being rousing speeches," Thalia promised.

We settled in a corridor made of huge marble blocks. It looked like it could've been part of a Greek tomb, with bronze torch holders fastened to the walls.

"Did you cross over to Egypt?" Magnus asked wearily. "Because it sounds like you're sleeping in a pyramid, and I've had enough nightmares of being chased by mummies without you adding to them." The kids in his class used to laugh at him for thinking that 1999 movie was anything remotely scary like it was his fault!

"Pretty sure the Labyrinth is restricted to America," Percy said with a shrug like that was any help at all, and also, no real confidence in that statement.

It had to be an older part of the maze, and Annabeth decided this was a good sign.

"We must be close to Daedalus's workshop," she said. "Get some rest, everybody. We'll keep going in the morning."

"Which means it's probably going to change to the modern equivalent of an art deco building when you wake up," Jason frowned.

"You and Annabeth can compare architecture tips later," Percy groaned.

"How do we know when it's morning?" Grover asked.

"When you all wake up together and happy," Will said, but the awkward laugh that followed was a little to real considering they'd all been living that problem themselves for the past few days under the ocean.

"Just rest," she insisted.

Grover didn't need to be told twice. He pulled a heap of straw out of his pack, ate some of it, made a pillow out of the rest, and was snoring in no time.

"Have I mentioned how awesome that is," Magnus grinned. "We could eradicate homelessness if more people were part goat."

"You heard it here first folks, genetic experimentation to turn all people into greek myths," Alex spoke into an invisible microphone, then tipped it towards Magnus. "Tell us, who would be your first test subject?"

Magnus hesitated for a moment, he really should have thought about that one first and not said anything, but it would be worse for himself if he didn't. And this wasn't just something he'd want to laugh off. So he looked him in the eyes and said, "anybody who denies there's a homeless problem."

Alex grinned and tipped the 'microphone,' back towards himself. "Great answer. Back to you Jason!"

"What did we say about eradicating news broadcasts?" Percy asked in exasperation.

"Only the nonimportant ones that don't check their facts," Alex grinned.

Tyson took longer getting to sleep. He tinkered with some metal scraps from his building kit for a while, but whatever he was making, he wasn't happy with it. He kept disassembling the pieces. "I'm sorry I lost the shield," I told him. "You worked so hard to repair it."

Tyson looked up. His eye was bloodshot from crying. "Do not worry, brother. You saved me. You wouldn't have had to if Briares had helped."

"He was just scared," I said. "I'm sure he'll get over it."

"He is not strong," Tyson said. "He is not important anymore."

"Note to self, start lifting weights," Thalia mock whispered and doodled on her palm, before smacking said invisible piece of paper on Percy's chest.

He brushed it off with an exasperated look at her, but didn't try to fight off a smile.

He heaved a big sad sigh, then closed his eye. The metal pieces fell out of his hand, still unassembled, and Tyson began to snore.

"Now that is a magical ability I bet plenty of people would volunteer to be willing to undergo experiments to do," Jason said.

"Depends on how optional the snoring is," Percy shrugged.

I tried to fall asleep myself, but I couldn't. Something about getting chased by a large dragon lady with poison swords made it real hard to relax.

Will stroked an imaginary beard as if in deep contemplation before snapping his fingers. "Then maybe don't do that again!"

"It wasn't voluntary!" Percy yelped.

"He says, as if he couldn't have turned right back around when he found himself in a prison cell," Jason rolled his eyes.

"To be fair," Thalia said of herself as much as him, "I don't think it's humanly possible to not be curious and look around when you pop up somewhere."

"It is if you don't want to die and or be chased by a large dragon lady with poison swords," Magnus frowned.

"Well look at you and your cushy life," Percy grinned.

I picked up my bedroll and dragged it over to where Annabeth was sitting, keeping watch.

Magnus fought the urge to cover his ears and start humming very loudly. They weren't old enough to have anything resembling a conversation that should warrant that. Yet.

I sat down next to her.

"You should sleep," she said.

"Can't. You doing all right?"

"Sure. First day leading the quest. Just great."

"We'll get there," I said. "We'll find the workshop before Luke does."

She brushed her hair out of her face. She had a smudge of dirt on her chin, and I imagined what she must've looked like when she was little, wandering around the country with Thalia and Luke. Once she'd saved them from the mansion of the evil Cyclops when she was only seven. Even when she looked scared, like now, I knew she had a lot of guts.

Magnus read that with a sense of longing that seemed strange to the others. He wished he could sit around and talk to Thalia and Percy about that time, hear more about her life outside of what Percy had gleaned.

It didn't feel like his business to ask of others though. He wanted to ask her first if she even wanted some weird kid in her life that was part of a family she clearly was on rocky terms with.

"I just wish the quest was logical," she complained.

"It really does sound like the worst scenario for her," Jason agreed with a pained grimace. "Like a real life greek myth, she finally got her wish and it's just mocking her."

"Jason, all Greek tragedy's were real," Percy reminded a tad smugly.

"I'm going to make your death a mystery," he rolled his eyes.

"I mean, we're traveling but we have no idea where we'll end up. How can you walk from New York to California in a day?"

"And without any bathroom breaks," Will agreed in awe. "That's got to be some kind of record."

"Who says I didn't stop and use the little Poseidon's room in that waterfall?" Percy said way to nonchalantly for that to be a joke. "It went straight down to Tartarus after all, and the automatic flushing was nice."

The others groaned while Thalia told Will, "you walked right into that one. Did you really think he wouldn't follow through on that set up?"

"Lesson learned," he promised.

"Space isn't the same in the maze."

"I know, I know. It's just..." She looked at me hesitantly. "Percy, I was kidding myself. All that planning and reading, I don't have a clue where we're going."

"You guys never know what you're doing and it works out," Thalia cheerfully waved off.

Percy gave her a strange, lingering smile as Jason read.

"You're doing great. Besides, we never know what we're doing. It always works out.

"Dammit," she sighed before they both started snickering.

Remember Circe's island?"

She snorted. "You made a cute guinea pig."

"And Waterland, how you got us thrown off that ride?"

"I got us thrown off? That was totally your fault!"

"It was literally her fault with that maximum height nonsense!" Alex argued. Mostly because they suspected he just liked to argue.

"Percy started it with dumping all that water into the ride to escape the spiders," Magnus cheerfully reminded on behalf of his cousin.

They probably would have gone on like that, like they all needed a live reenactment of Percy and Annabeth bickering. Jason had the good sense to clear his throat and silently remind them now wasn't the time.

"See? It'll be fine."

She smiled, which I was glad to see, but the smile faded quickly.

"Percy, what did Hera mean when she said you knew the way to get through the maze?"

"Lies and hypocrisy I assume," Alex scowled anew.

"Did she really show up to sow dissent between you guys?" Magnus sounded more troubled than Jason did about how these gods worked sometimes.

"I mean, that is a thing she would do," Nico said callously while Percy thumped his pen against his temple in frustration. "This time though, I honestly think it might have been meant as a helpful hint." Certainly more than he'd ever gotten, but if this was the kind of help he would have received he was just slightly grateful none of the gods had tried.

"I don't know," I admitted. "Honestly."

"You'd tell me if you did?"

"You have literally never tried to hide anything from her," Magnus said critically. "I can't imagine you starting now."

"Thanks man," Percy grinned. It felt nice sometimes to always be confident someone so like Annabeth saw the best in him too.

"Sure. Maybe..."

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe if you told me the last line of the prophecy, it would help."

"And maybe if I told you what a binturong was you'd be able to cure cancer," Will snorted.

"What's a binturong?" Percy asked blankly.

"Don't change the subject," Thalia tisked at him, already knowing that was a lost cause trying to get him to pay attention to one thing at a time.

Annabeth shivered. "Not here. Not in the dark."

"What about the choice Janus mentioned? Hera said—"

"Stop," Annabeth snapped.

Percy sat back in his seat with a troubled sigh. She'd never snapped at him to shut it before. Their first fight? Or did that whole Athena hates Poseidon thing count first-

He was distracted from that as Magnus kept going in the slightly awkward pause.

Then she took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Percy. I'm just stressed. But I don't...I've got to think about it."

Nico felt the oddest sensation yet for her since he'd been down here. Sympathy.

Not quite pity, she had Percy to talk to about all of her problems if she wanted. He was still wrapping his head around the fact Alex and Will had bothered to talk to him. No, it was the recent knowledge of how overwhelming the thoughts in your head could be and knowing you needed to sit with them and yet having no where to start, no way to sort them out that didn't leave you in a mess.

He hoped she did talk to Percy about what was bothering her before it overwhelmed her. He wouldn't wish his confusing life on anyone.

We sat in silence, listening to strange creaks and groans in the maze, the echo of stones grinding together as tunnels changed, grew, and expanded.

The dark made me think about the visions I'd seen of Nico di Angelo, and suddenly I realized something.

"Nico is down here somewhere," I said. "That's how he disappeared from camp. He found the Labyrinth. Then he found a path that led down even farther—to the Underworld. But now he's back in the maze. He's coming after me."

"I guess I should have been more worried what kind of take me out he was going to do," Percy said glibly. He'd never realized you could assassinate someone or have them out for dinner with just one word.

Nico looked at him terrified, like Percy was going to snap his fingers and crush all his bones. Percy just gave him the least awkward smile yet, he'd thought a joke would help lighten the mood.

Thalia elbowed him, hard, while Jason and Magnus looked on with pure confusion. "What?" Percy protested.

"Percy, not everybody's so casual about, um, whatever you and Nico talked about," Thalia whispered to him.

"What?" He was more confused than anything, but he still felt a blush coming back. "Why? Will and Alex are both weirdly okay with whatever they say?"

"But not everybody is," she hissed quietly right by his ear. "Just, wait for him to say anything first before you do."

He had no clue what she was getting at, but he shrugged and let it go.

Annabeth was quiet for a long time. "Percy, I hope you're wrong. But if you're right..." she stared at the flashlight beam, casting a dim circle on the stone wall. I had a feeling she was thinking about her prophecy. I'd never seen her look more tired.

Percy knew that feeling intricately. Sitting in the back of a truck with abused animals and gnawing over what could be so much it made everything hopeless while you stumbled into the next catastrophe.

Annabeth had never let him down on his quest though, and he was determined he would do the same for her.

"How about I take first watch?" I said. "I'll wake you if anything happens."

Annabeth looked like she wanted to protest, but she just nodded, slumped into her bedroll, and closed her eyes.

There had been so little light in that tunnel, his brain had been going haywire all night over the smallest noise. He'd flicked a spider off her at one point before she had to wake up and realize that. Her tangled blonde curls kept tickling her neck and she'd moved and brushed at them in her sleep, smudging that dirt on her cheek as she muttered.

He probably wasn't that good at guard duty, looking back.

When it was my turn to sleep, I dreamed I was back in the old man's Labyrinth prison.

"What's a level above a 3D experience?" Magnus looked at him tragically. "Percy's over here living a double life being in this place two times at once and it's depressing."

"You're telling me," Percy agreed with a thankful smile all the same. Anybody else giving him that pitying look would have made him uncomfortable, but Magnus seemed genuinely sorry for him.

It looked more like a workshop now. Tables were littered with measuring instruments. A forge burned red hot in the corner. The boy I'd seen in the last dream was stoking the bellows, except he was taller now, almost my age.

"That awkward moment where I'm not sure if I'd take juvie or this?" Alex grumbled. The freedom to be able to work in a prison was not something he'd tolerate though under any circumstances, so it was a moot point.

A weird funnel device was attached to the forge's chimney, trapping the smoke and heat and channeling it through a pipe into the floor, next to a big bronze manhole cover.

It was daytime. The sky above was blue, but the walls of the maze cast deep shadows across the workshop. After being in tunnels so long, I found it weird that part of the Labyrinth could be open to the sky. Somehow that made the maze seem like even a crueler place.

Magnus had thought much the same the first time he heard it. He lived the feeling every day of seeing everything he'd never have again as he pulled his jacket tighter around him.

The old man looked sickly. He was terribly thin, his hands raw and red from working. White hair covered his eyes, and his tunic was smudged with grease. He was bent over a table, working on some kind of long metal patchwork—like a swath of chain mail. He picked up a delicate curl of bronze and fitted it into place.

"Done," he announced. "It's done."

He picked up his project. It was so beautiful, my heart leaped—metal wings constructed from thousands of interlocking bronze feathers. There were two sets. One still lay on the table. Daedalus stretched the frame, and the wings expanded twenty feet. Part of me knew it could never fly. It was too heavy, and there'd be no way to get off the ground. But the craftsmanship was amazing. Metal feathers caught the light and flashed thirty different shades of gold.

Thalia shuddered at those things being strapped to her back, but Alex's breath caught in his throat at the beautiful imagery. He could turn into a golden bird if he wished, and yet the craftsman ship of somebody making the painstaking effort in those lit a unique fire in him to long and try the same.

The boy left the bellows and ran over to see. He grinned, despite the fact that he was grimy and sweaty. "Father, you're a genius!"

The old man smiled. "Tell me something I don't know, Icarus.

"Why do I know that name?" Magnus frowned. It was one of those moments he swore he'd heard through osmosis, something circled and passed around in word of mouth he'd swear he had no attachment to.

"Not sure," Percy agreed, "but a kid named Ick- anything must be happy to at least have some isolation from other kids."

Jason snorted in surprise while Thalia sighed in exasperation at the idiot.

Now hurry. It will take at least an hour to attach them. Come."

"You first," Icarus said.

The old man protested, but Icarus insisted. "You made them, Father. You should get the honor of wearing them first."

The boy attached a leather harness to his father's chest,

This boy adored his father, which left a strange silence in the room as Magnus read over that. Not one of them knew that feeling. Most of them barely had a relationship with their dad if they talked at all.

like climbing gear, with straps that ran from his shoulders to his wrists. Then he began fastening on the wings, using a metal canister that looked like an enormous hot-glue gun.

"And you said I didn't have any hand to scar knowledge," Percy grinned. "Try helping your mom out with some arts and crafts project and see if you come away without one of these," he prodded his ring finger where a slight discoloration of skin was, right below a sizeable deep scar from one of his early sword practices.

Or, it used to be.

"I would never accuse a kid like you of not knowing about hot-glue Percy," Alex grinned. "Your mom probably banned you from using them too early in life."

"A successful win, glad you know me so well," he chuckled, but it sounded choked up as he kept prodding at the flesh in his fingers that still moved like normal...yet he'd swear they were somebody else's hands for a moment. He knew that scar should have been there, Annabeth had told him to put water on it and he'd deliberately ignored her because a scar had sounded like the coolest thing to have in that moment...Were his memories coming back wrong...

Thalia had to nudge him again, hard, to get him to pay attention. He felt like he should have a bruise on his ribs by this point as often as she did that, but his creepy baby hands rubbed at the spot and somehow knew that wouldn't happen no matter how many times she did.

"The wax compound should hold for several hours," Daedalus said nervously as his son worked. "But we must let it set first. And we would do well to avoid flying too high or too low. The sea would wet the wax seals—"

"And the sun's heat would loosen them," the boy finished.

Magnus's mind nagged at him more stubbornly by the moment. A story about a boy who flew to close to the sun? He'd read an article once on where the idea was based on, and something of greek stories had played a part in it.

His stomach started sinking low as he put two and two together. There had yet been a Greek story that didn't end in tragedy.

"Yes, Father. We've been through this a million times!"

"One cannot be too careful."

"I have complete faith in your inventions, Father! No one has ever been as smart as you."

Thalia's stomach pitched unpleasantly. The gods never liked it when something like that was spoken into the air. The Fates themselves may have just sealed this boys fate before Athena could have concocted a plan.

The old man's eyes shone. It was obvious he loved his son more than anything in the world.

Alex studied the book intently for a few moments, annoyed that was an expression he could never replicate in a sculpture if he'd never actually seen it.

"Now I will do your wings, and give mine a chance to set properly. Come!"

It was slow going. The old man's hands fumbled with the straps. He had a hard time keeping the wings in position while he sealed them. His own metal wings seemed to weigh him down, getting in his way while he tried to work.

"I'm guessing this was a prototype experiment, maybe needs a few test runs before it's marketable," Jason muttered uneasily.

"I don't think his, um, investor is giving him much time to test the safety features," Thalia didn't need to remind him. If this wasn't a blatant escape attempt then there was a cake about to jump out of that bronze manhole cover.

"Too slow," the old man muttered. "I am too slow."

"Take your time, Father," the boy said. "The guards aren't due until—"

BOOM!

"That one wasn't me!" Percy said with a shaky attempt at a laugh that fell flat fast. The silence was starting to settle around them as they all expected his dream to end with the nightmarish image of someone's death.

The workshop doors shuddered. Daedalus had barred them from the inside with a wooden brace, but still they shook on their hinges.

"Hurry!" Icarus said.

BOOM! BOOM!

Something heavy was slamming into the doors. The brace held, but a crack appeared in the left door.

Daedalus worked furiously. A drop of hot wax spilled onto Icarus's shoulder. The boy winced but did not cry out.

Will winced horribly with him, wondering how much pain the poor boy had been through all these years to learn how to do that.

When his left wing was sealed into the straps, Daedalus began working on the right.

"We must have more time," Daedalus murmured. "They are too early! We need more time for the seal to hold."

"It'll be fine," Icarus said, as his father finished the right wing. "Help me with the manhole—"

CRASH! The doors splintered and the head of a bronze battering ram emerged through the breach. Axes cleared the debris, and two armed guards entered the room, followed by the king with the golden crown and the spearshaped beard.

"Well, well," the king said with a cruel smile. "Going somewhere?"

"I'm panicking right now and don't have a witty comeback for that," Percy admitted. He wanted to be in that cell, to hold off this horrible king and those guards while they escaped.

"Brave soul to admit that," Alex told him, just as impressed as if he had spouted some one-liner.

Daedalus and his son froze, their metal wings glimmering on their backs.

"I really hope he made a prayer to Zeus," Magnus muttered uneasily. "He sounds like he's really going to need all the help he can get." He found himself signing it, like he wished he hadn't had to say it out loud and jinx it. He missed Hearth.

He wasn't entirely sure why they were hearing about this either. He would have thought Percy would be dreaming of how Daedalus had created the maze and all its horrors. Why was the mans death so worthy of this nightmare?

"We're leaving, Minos," the old man said.

King Minos chuckled. "I was curious to see how far you'd get on this little project before I dashed your hopes. I must say I'm impressed." The king admired their wings. "You look like metal chickens," he decided. "Perhaps we should pluck you and make a soup."

"Maybe he'd like a pair of his own?" Nico said with a nasty smile. "Chicken's cannibalize each other. Daedalus would probably be more than happy to make a parting pair so he could join."

"Two sentences I'm sure have no relation to each other," Percy said with a strange look at him as usual when this king was brought up. The flash of outrage that always passed over Nico felt really personal and always amped Percy's headache up to eleven.

The guards laughed stupidly.

"Metal chickens," one repeated. "Soup."

"Shut up," the king said. Then he turned again to Daedalus. "You let my daughter escape, old man. You drove my wife to madness. You killed my monster and made me the laughingstock of the Mediterranean. You will never escape me!"

"All crimes I'm so sure this ass hole had no part of the fault in whatsoever," Jason scowled.

"That bad luck stuff really does come in threes," Percy chuckled. "Maybe he'll get lucky and a drought will come along so he can blame all his problems on the weather next."

Icarus grabbed the wax gun and sprayed it at the king, who stepped back in surprise. The guards rushed forward, but each got a stream of hot wax in his face.

Alex made a humming noise of pleasure and Magnus swallowed uneasily at the vivid mental image of him doing that to someone who next annoyed him.

"The vent!" Icarus yelled to his father.

"Get them!" King Minos raged.

Together, the old man and his son pried open the manhole cover, and a column of hot air blasted out of the ground. The king watched, incredulous, as the inventor and son shot into the sky on their bronze wings, carried by the updraft.

"Shoot them!" the king yelled, but his guards had brought no bows. One threw his sword in desperation,

"With hot wax in his face?" Thalia sounded incredulously impressed. "I hope that man got a promotion for dedication."

"Or more likely was beheaded first," Nico grumbled.

but Daedalus and Icarus were already out of reach. They wheeled above the maze and the king's palace, then zoomed across the city of Knossos and out past the rocky shores of Crete.

Icarus laughed. "Free, Father! You did it."

The boy spread his wings to their full limit and soared away on the wind.

"Wait!" Daedalus called. "Be careful!"

But Icarus was already out over the open sea, heading north and delighting in their good luck. He soared up and scared an eagle out of its flight path, then plummeted toward the sea like he was born to fly, pulling out of a nosedive at the last second. His sandals skimmed the waves.

Thalia looked a tad green around the edges of that being described in such vivid detail. Jason looked downright envious, it sounded magical and something he had a funny feeling he'd dreamed about doing in another life he might actually remember.

"Stop that!" Daedalus called. But the wind carried his voice away. His son was drunk on his own freedom.

Will was wincing over every other word though. This story was probably still so popular as a cautionary tale to listen to your parents, look both ways before crossing the streets no matter how sure you were. Will heard it as the boy having to much faith in his father's abilities. Either way you looked at it, this boy had not deserved such a miserable life only to die like that.

The old man struggled to catch up, gliding clumsily after his son.

They were miles from Crete, over deep sea, when Icarus looked back and saw his father's worried expression.

Icarus smiled. "Don't worry, Father! You're a genius! I trust your handiwork—"

The first metal feather shook loose from his wings and fluttered away.

There wasn't much shock, or a bunch of falsities this story was going to end happily ever after. Magnus read somberly, there was a sense of gentleness in the way he read that indicated this wasn't the first tragic story he'd heard and knew the right way to control his voice.

Then another.

Icarus wabbled in midair. Suddenly he was shedding bronze feathers, which twirled away from him like a flock of frightened birds.

"I feel the need to give a hats off one more time to whoever it is describing that, glorious, mental image," Alex said in a very restrained voice holding back awe, and laughter. He felt a little bad, this was a real kid that had really died, but also that was just to vivid an image to be expressed in only words. His hands ached for some clay to somehow memorialize that, as he was sure some Greek had once done.

"Icarus!" his father cried. "Glide! Extend the wings. Stay as still as possible!"

But Icarus flapped his arms, desperately trying to reassert control.

The left wing went first—ripping away from the straps.

"Father!" Icarus cried. And then he fell, the wings stripped away until he was just a boy in a climbing harness and a white tunic, his arms extended in a useless attempt to glide.

I woke with a start, feeling like I was falling.

Percy fought off the urge to startle in his seat now as he rubbed at his thudding heart, that bronze battering ram might as well have been pounding against his ribs. Maybe he'd been wrong before. He should be more grateful about the nightmares where his pants try to eat him.

The corridor was dark. In the constant moaning of the Labyrinth, I thought I could hear the anguished cry of Daedalus calling his son's name, as Icarus, his only joy, plummeted toward the sea, three hundred feet below.

Nico sighed as he studied his boots and imagined the rest of that kids passing. He was probably still in the Fields of Asphodel for all eternity, having lived an unremarkable life, but moments like this made him wish there was another option.

He'd been no hero, so there was no way he'd get into Elysium, but he'd also never been given a chance. He'd just had a miserable life, and it shouldn't just be the hero's who deserved to try for better.

There was no morning in the maze, but once everyone woke up and had a fabulous breakfast of granola bars and juice boxes,

"You guys are way to young to be eating old people food for breakfast," Alex sighed. "Where's the soda and cake because nobody can't tell you not to? Where's the vodka?"

"Alex's potential alcoholic sugar rush aside," Will said with his eyes closed like the idea physically pained him, "I for one am glad to see Annabeth is a smart packer!"

we kept traveling. I didn't mention my dream. Something about it had really freaked me out, and I didn't think the others needed to know that.

"Not seeing how it would have helped much," Jason agreed warily, "but I still think you should have. It might not have shined a light on your path problem, or anything, but it's still better to get off your chest, and maybe Annabeth would have opened up too."

"And you share every thought that comes to your mind huh?" Percy asked glumly. "Between the terrified peeps Grover kept making for every step we took and Annabeth muttering to herself about which way to go, I didn't want to break the awesome symphony they had going."

Jason wasn't going to keep arguing the point, he just wished Percy understood Annabeth might have liked for her troops to know they could confide any little thing in her.

The old stone tunnels changed to dirt with cedar beams, like a gold mine or something. Annabeth started getting agitated.

"This isn't right," she said. "It should still be stone."

"Why?" Magnus asked in ever growing concern why she still thought any of this should make sense.

"Dirt is the oldest thing on the planet, isn't that an even better path to lead to the oldest workshop?" Alex agreed.

Nobody was so much ignoring their questions, they just didn't have a good answer.

We came to a cave where stalactites hung low from the ceiling. In the center of the dirt floor was a rectangular pit, like a grave.

"Frankly I'm surprised you haven't come across more people deciding to just start digging their own graves," Will admitted with itchy skin. He probably would have if he'd been stuck in that Labyrinth.

Grover shivered. "It smells like the Underworld in here."

"I never really thought cemeteries would smell like pleasant mangroves, but thanks for the confirmation," Percy muttered.

Then I saw something glinting at the edge of the pit—a foil wrapper. I shined my flashlight into the hole and saw a half-chewed cheeseburger floating in brown carbonated muck.

"Nico, we have got to work on your signature exit strategy," Alex told him. "You get points for originality, but that must take way to long to orchestrate, and the waste!"

"I like to think of it more as a really fancy calling card," Nico grinned. "I've been here and you should all know and fear me."

"Hey," Alex grinned and even gave him a finger gun. "Good one!"

"Nico," I said. "He was summoning the dead again."

Tyson whimpered. "Ghosts were here. I don't like ghosts."

"We've got to find him." I don't know why, but standing at the edge of that pit gave me a sense of urgency. Nico was close, I could feel it.

Nico looked around at him in mild concern. "If you start tracking me like a bloodhound you will regret it."

"I was hoping you had some fries left over," Percy admitted with a sheepish grin. He was just to relieved the kid was okay rather than the surge of urgency he'd had in that place.

I couldn't let him wander around down here, alone except for the dead. I started to run.

Nico seemed genuinely touched. He even gave Percy a brief smile, the friendliest expression Percy had ever seen on him. Percy immediately smiled back, really hoping all this awkward crush business had just blown over finally.

"Percy!" Annabeth called.

I ducked into a tunnel and saw light up ahead. By the time Annabeth, Tyson, and Grover caught up with me, I was staring at daylight streaming through a set of bars above my head. We were under a steel grate made out of metal pipes. I could see trees and blue sky.

"Are you in another prison underground?" Magnus asked in trepidation. "Is the whole labyrinth just going to lead you to every prison on the planet?"

"I, really hope not," Percy said with a blank stare.

Thalia made an awkward noise as she tried not to agree. It was certainly an imprisonment for those poor animals.

"Where are we?" I wondered.

Then a shadow fell across the grate and a cow stared down at me. It looked like a normal cow except with was a weird color—bright red, like a cherry. I didn't know cows came in that color.

"Where did you think strawberry milk came from Percy?" Jason said with way to much confidence, it actually threw Percy off for a moment before they both chuckled.

"Um, they kind of can," Alex agreed, "but not bright red. More of a deep red color."

"No, I mean like, Rachel's hair red, I am not kidding," Percy promised.

"So our options on the dude ranch are cute cow shows where they die their cattle rainbow colors, or fiery cows that are going to kill you," Magnus sighed.

Will fought hard to stifle a laugh he was pretty close on that second one.

"Maybe Bessie's parents are there," Alex chuckled.

The cow mooed, put one hoof tentatively on the bars, then backed away.

"It's a cattle guard," Grover said.

"A what?" I asked.

"They put them at the gates of ranches so cows can't get out. They can't walk on them."

"How do you know that?"

Grover huffed indignantly. "Believe me, if you had hooves, you'd know about cattle guards. They're annoying!"

"Poor Grover," Magnus agreed. "I wonder if he can walk over any grate, like those giant ones you see in store parking lots."

"I get the feeling Grover doesn't frequent grocery stores very much for that to be a problem," Thalia reminded.

I turned to Annabeth. "Didn't Hera say something about a ranch? We need to check it out. Nico might be there."

"She also said to keep going past the ranch," Nico supplied with perfect clarity and a very confused raised eyebrow. "You're really ignoring the one good bit of advice she gave you?"

"Like I'm going to take some goddess's advice that stressed out Annabeth so much," Percy scoffed, "we still need to have a talk!"

"Right," Nico agreed with another surprised smile.

She hesitated. "All right. But how do we get out?"

Tyson solved that problem by hitting the cattle guard with both hands. It popped off and went flying out of sight. We heard a CLANG! and a startled Moo! Tyson blushed.

"Sorry, cow!" he called.

There was just friendly laughter going around the room for a moment, along with Alex and Magnus sharing some odd signs about finishing an animal book of noises nobody else followed.

Then he gave us a boost out of the tunnel.

We were on a ranch, all right. Rolling hills stretched to the horizon, dotted with oak trees and cactuses and boulders. A barbed wire fence ran from the gate in either direction. Cherry-colored cows roamed around, grazing on clumps of grass.

"Red cattle," Annabeth said. "The cattle of the sun."

"I was joking about them being able to breathe fire too!" Magnus groaned.

"No, no, you were right on the money with that one," Will chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"They're sacred to Apollo."

"Holy cows?"

"Are the Greeks responsible for every old saying?" Magnus laughed in surprise. "Like if I say the phrase till the cows come home, are you going to tell me it's based on a myth?"

"Um," Thalia gave him an awkward smile rather than admit, yeah, probably.

"Exactly. But what are they doing—"

"Wait," Grover said. "Listen."

At first everything seemed quiet...but then I heard it: the distant baying of dogs.

Alex did a weirdly good reenactment of that like they needed a live performance.

Jason laughed hard in surprise, for some reason he just knew he had a misplaced fondness for hunting dogs Mrs. O'Leary hadn't quite struck in him.

The sound got louder. Then the underbrush rustled, and two dogs broke through. Except it wasn't two dogs. It was one dog with two heads. It looked like a greyhound, long and snaky and sleek brown, but its neck V'd into two heads, both of them snapping and snarling and generally not very glad to see us.

"Cool," Jason grinned wider than ever.

"Not in the slightest," Magnus muttered, fighting off the impulse to make the warding off evil gesture at the idea of this thing anywhere near him.

"Bad Janus dog!" Tyson cried.

Magnus had no choice but to laugh too though.

"Do you think one head sniffs out truth and the other lies?" Thalia tagged in.

Jason gave her a startled look, something of the description of this dog and that tied in well-

but Magnus kept reading quickly, his dislike of canines wasn't subtle, and he obviously didn't want to linger on this.

"Arf!" Grover told it, and raised a hand in greeting.

The two-headed dog bared its teeth. I guess it wasn't impressed that Grover could speak animal.

"It's like speaking to a New Yorker," Will offered. "Just because you learn the lingo doesn't mean you're welcome."

"Fair enough," Percy said with a bright-eyed thanks, nobody had ever explained it like that before.

Then its master lumbered out of the woods, and I realized the dog was the least of our problems.

He was a huge guy with stark white hair, a straw cowboy hat, and a braided white beard— kind of like Father Time, if Father Time went redneck and got totally jacked. He was wearing jeans, a DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS T-shirt, and a denim jacket with the sleeves ripped off so you could see his muscles. On his right bicep was a crossed-swords tattoo. He held a wooden club about the size of a nuclear warhead, with six-inch spikes bristling at the business end.

"That is a very manly dude on this demon animal ranch," Magnus groaned, fighting off the urge to chuck the book away from him at the chapter title once again being way to accurate.

"I bet he makes good barbeque though," Alex said like he was still willing to give the place a chance if someone let him pet the animals.

"Heel, Orthus," he told the dog.

"He named his dog twilight?" Alex asked with a very concerning, twitching smile. "Well, given the pet, I'm sure I can guess which team he was on."

"We all have our secret hobbies," Magnus said with an eye roll, he really hoped that wasn't one Alex secretly liked.

The dog growled at us once more, just to make his feelings clear, then circled back to his master's feet.

"Um, good dog?" Will said meekly. "It's always nice to express your feelings."

"Maybe not the kind that make you want to cover your throat," Nico frowned, he'd been on the receiving end of those fangs getting a little to close.

The man looked us up and down, keeping his club ready.

"What've we got here?" he asked. "Cattle rustlers?"

"Just travelers," Annabeth said. "We're on a quest."

The man's eye twitched. "Half-bloods, eh?"

I started to say, "How did you know—"

"Well you don't look like cow rustlers," Thalia snorted.

Annabeth put her hand on my arm. "I'm Annabeth, daughter of Athena. This is Percy, son of Poseidon.

"Why the actual fridge fart did she introduce you with your parents?" Jason demanded. "That tends to cause more problems!"

Percy was to busy repeating a particular part of Jason's question to himself to answer while Thalia shrugged nonchalantly. "Dog might have sniffed it out, most monsters know anyways, no point in lying."

Grover the satyr. Tyson the—"

"Cyclops," the man finished. "Yes, I can see that." He glowered at me. "And I know half-bloods because I am one, sonny. I'm Eurytion, the cowherd for this here ranch. Son of Ares.

"I'm curious if that whole, forever grudging hate thing Ares has against you for beating him is passed on through some kind of psychic link to all his kids, not just the ones at Camp," Alex asked, miming a head explosion to emphasize his point.

"You just want to hear about someone meeting me and beating the tar out of me," Percy frowned in accusation.

"Trying to beat the tar out of you," Alex corrected. "You're not wrong, but that's not entirely why I want to know," Alex agreed.

"Well I couldn't guess," Percy said in exasperation.

You came through the Labyrinth like the other one, I reckon."

"The other one?" I asked. "You mean Nico di Angelo?"

"We get a load of visitors from the Labyrinth," Eurytion said darkly. "Not many ever leave."

Will sat up straight in his seat, no more jokes or tiffs about silly things like being afraid of a two-headed dog as he looked seriously from Nico to the book and back. Nico had last said he'd gotten caught, but no more. He really hadn't been that worried about it since he was right here, but now his Apollo-healer tingle started humming if they had actually hurt him while holding him there for however long until he got out.

"Wow," I said. "I feel welcome."

"They should put a mat out instead of some old cattle guard," Alex agreed.

The cowherd glanced bend him like someone was watching. Then he lowered his voice. "I'm only going to say this once, demigods. Get back in the maze now. Before it's too late."

The short, sharp breath that escaped Nico wasn't his first in this room. He'd almost come to expect it in regards to Percy, the boy he'd actually known nothing about really.

This moment caught him off guard anew. That Percy could have run and come back when the quest was over. That he'd followed his impulsiveness to come find him but still had the chance to turn around.

"We're not leaving," Annabeth insisted. "Not until we see this other demigod. Please."

And they didn't. Neither Percy or Annabeth. With everything else weighing heavier on the line, they actually picked him at that moment.

Eurytion grunted. "Then you leave me no choice, missy. I've got to take you to the boss."

"If this guy's just the grunt, how big is the boss going to be?" Magnus frowned.

"You really want to know that?" Alex asked in surprise.

"No," he sighed, "but we're going to find out anyways."

"Well then you can either cover up your ears and ignore it all or make up a lie for yourself in the meantime," Alex scoffed.

I didn't feel like we were hostages or anything.

"And the amount of exposure you've had to that feeling makes me confident in your verification of that," Jason sighed.

"I always wanted an adventurous life," Percy shrugged.

Eurytion walked alongside us with his club across his shoulder. Orthus the two-headed dog growled a lot and sniffed at Grover's legs and shot into the bushes once in a while to chase animals, but Eurytion kept him more or less under control.

We walked down a dirt path that seemed to go on forever. It must've been close to a hundred degrees, which was a shock after San Francisco. Heat shimmered off the ground. Insects buzzed in the trees. Before we'd gone very far, I was sweating like crazy. Flies swarmed us. Every so often we'd see a pen full of red cows or even stranger animals. Once we passed a corral where the fence was coated in asbestos. Inside, a herd of fire-breathing horses milled around. The hay in their feeding trough was on fire. The ground smoked around their feet, but the horses seemed tame enough. One big stallion looked at me and whinnied, columns of red flame billowing out his nostrils. I wondered if it hurt his sinuses.

"I'm sensing a theme," Alex said with interest.

"If Orthus isn't immune to flames then I don't know how they get the herding done around there," Magnus said curiously, "unless they have a separate fire breathing dog just for that and Orthus is security."

"I just want to know what happens when you milk them," Jason chuckled. "Is that were the lava at camp comes from?"

Percy laughed along with them like he didn't have a care in the world.

"What are they for?" I asked.

Eurytion scowled. "We raise animals for lots of clients. Apollo, Diomedes, and...others."

"Like who?"

"No more questions."

"Are we really surprised?" Thalia scoffed. "If he was going to tell you his entire clientele he'd already be bragging about it."

"He didn't really answer my question," Percy insisted, "you know I'd never let something like that go."

Finally we came out of the woods. Perched on a hill above us was a big ranch house—all white stone and wood and big windows.

"It looks like a Frank Lloyd Wright!" Annabeth said.

"The building looks like a person?" Will squinted suspiciously.

"No, I think the guy is famous for organic architecture or something," Jason grinned. "I'm sure I've come across his name, though I have no clue why."

"The house is, edible?" Percy frowned. "It didn't look made out of candy and gingerbread."

"No, they're like, open, modern, utilize the best space," Jason said, his brow creasing with concentration as he tried to remember why he'd read about this. "Um, I think prairie dogs came up at one point?"

"We seriously need a book on what you've been up to," Thalia said, her selfish reasons aside in this case.

"Well, at least we're sticking with a farm theme," Will nodded like that was all the relief he needed.

I guess she was talking about some architectural thing. To me it just looked like the kind of place where a few demigods could get into serious trouble.

"Percy, that's every building you walk into," Magnus scoffed.

"I could put you in a rubber room and you'd find a way to make it explode," Alex agreed with pride.

No wonder he did so well on this very combustible farm, Nico kept to himself, and Percy didn't even explode anything. He was just in his natural element even out of the water.

We hiked up the hill.

"Don't break the rules," Eurytion warned as we walked up the steps to the front porch.

"He hasn't told us the rules yet!" Will protested like he expected the monsters to play fair.

"I guess he never got numb to the pretty scenery and was distracted," Alex rolled his eyes.

"No fighting. No drawing weapons. And don't make any comments about the boss's appearance."

"Oh," Thalia said in great exhaustion. "Percy's screwed."

Percy didn't bother to deny it, he was already tapping his pen against each knuckle with growing unease. Eurytion hadn't bothered him much, but something of this house was setting his instincts ablaze, and he had a feeling it didn't have anything to do with organic housing.

"Why?" I asked. "What does he look like?"

Before Eurytion could reply, a new voice said, "Welcome to the Triple G Ranch."

"Unless the triple stands for gay I don't think this is going to be any fun," Alex pouted.

"And here I was starting to delude myself the G stood for great," Magnus sighed. "Triple Great Ranch, where nobody almost dies!"

"Focusing on the wrong part of that," Thalia muttered low enough Percy couldn't hear.

The man on the porch had a normal head, which was a relief.

Percy wasn't phased by the smattering of snickers that covered the room. They were lucky they'd only had to hear the weirdness described.

His face was weathered and brown from years in the sun. He had a slick black hair and a black pencil moustache like villains have in old movies.

"What's with the evil mustaches in this book?" Will asked nervously, still watching Nico anxiously. He didn't seem particularly traumatized by this guy showing up again, but was back to fiddling with his ring uneasily. "Why can't someone be described with a friendly mustache like Santa?"

"Because nobody wants Nerus to come back," Percy rolled his eyes.

He smiled at us, but the smile wasn't friendly; more amused, like Oh boy, more people to torture!

"I dislike that you know that smile," Magnus groaned.

"It's the only way I've ever seen Mr. D smile," Percy shrugged.

I didn't ponder that very long, though, because then I noticed his body...or bodies. He had three of them. Now you'd think I would've gotten used to weird anatomy after Janus and Briares, but this guy was three complete people. His neck connected to the middle chest like normal, but he had two more chests, one to either side, connected at the shoulders, with a few inches between. His left arm grew out of his left chest, and the same on the right, so he had two arms, but four armpits, if that makes any sense. The chests all connected into one enormous torso, with two regular but very beefy legs, and he wore the most oversized pair of Levis I'd ever seen. His chests each wore a different color Western shirt—green, yellow, red, like a stoplight. I wondered how he dressed the middle chest, since it had no arms.

"People of different backgrounds don't always like their routines on display Percy," Jason rolled his eyes at him.

"That cannot be comfortable getting through your average doorway," Magnus frowned at this bizarre theme of mismatching body parts Percy had been coming across. "Guess that open floor plan was on purpose."

The cowherd Eurytion nudged me. "Say Hello to Mr. Geryon."

"Oh, triple Geryon, I get it," Alex grinned. Magnus just sighed in defeat and said, "yeah, that tracks."

"I'm done," Thalia raised her hands in exasperation at these boys!

"Hi," I said. "Nice chests—uh, ranch! Nice ranch you have."

"Percy, breaking the rules in one sentence," Will chuckled. "You really are a wonder of your own."

"Thank you," Percy grinned.

Before the three-bodied man could respond, Nico di Angelo came out of the glass doors onto the porch.

Will sighed in relief, he'd already been imagining him trussed up in the basement with fire-breathing feral cats or something.

"Bathroom break," Alex nodded in understanding. "Everybody needs that during a monster chase."

"I got caught by Eurytion who told me I needed to come with him," Nico told them in exasperation. Eurytion had actually offered to just keep on driving, but, well, he'd happily let himself be taken hostage too just like Percy for his own reasons. Huh, he'd never expected to be like Percy in this random way. "I agreed because I'd heard of him and needed to speak about, negotiations," he finished lamely. Nobody pressed him for details, they'd gotten mildly better at suppressing that not to hassle Percy to much, but he could feel their simmering curiosity like milk ready to boil over.

"Geryon, I won't wait for—"

He froze when he saw us. Then he drew his sword.

"See, Nico's breaking the rules too," Percy said with an accusing finger at him like that was the important part of somebody drawing a sword on you.

"It's not a competition Percy," Will sighed, "and Annabeth already started it and won regardless before the quest kicked off."

The blade was just like I'd seen in my dream; short, sharp, and dark as midnight.

Alex gave a very loud, longing sigh and flopped against the side of his couch as he gave Nico a hurt look.

"I don't see why you want to know how I got it so bad," Nico smiled at his theatrics. "You've never tried to find out how Annabeth or Grover got their reed pipes and knife."

"Oh, I will when I meet them," Alex promised. "I'm waiting to ambush Thalia about her shield when I can get a chance that doesn't involve her using it on me."

"If you jump out at me and scream boo, you will get a face full of Aegis," Thalia promised.

"See, bidding my time," Alex said with a very calculating look at Nico, who just chuckled.

Geryon snarled when he saw it. "Put that away, Mr. di Angelo. I ain't gonna have my guests killin' each other."

"But that's—"

"Percy Jackson," Geryon supplied. "Annabeth Chase. And a couple of their monster friends. Yes, I know."

"Monster friends?" Grover said indignantly.

Magnus twiddled his fingers uncomfortably as he wondered how Grover was supposed to be classified.

"That man is wearing three shirts," Tyson said, like he was just realizing this.

"I'd love to meet Tyson just to see what he says about me," Jason chuckled.

"That man is to smart to be this dumb," Percy helpfully supplied.

"I would have told you what he first thought about you, but now you can forget it," Jason huffed.

"No, wait-" Percy began to splutter, but Thalia gave them both sharp smacks to their knees to pay attention.

"They let my sister die!" Nico's voice trembled with rage. "They're here to kill me!"

"One of these things is not like the other," Percy said with a nervous chuckle.

"As opposed to a normal person, who would deny both claims," Alex said, framing his hands around Percy's face as if to capture such ineptitude.

Both Thalia and Percy winced hard, the guilt they felt in Bianca's sacrifice still very raw to be discussed.

"Sorry," Nico whispered again. "I know that was harsh, and not what happened now, and-"

"Nico, I don't blame you," Percy promised at once. If anything he still blamed himself plenty, prophecy be dammed. It was his idea Bianca had run off with. "You were just a kid, haven't you been listening? I really did just want to help!"

Nico gave him an understanding nod, but the dull feeling of pain from still being called a kid by him, the flash of nausea that raced through him when he still remembered what had come out of his mouth the last time he'd talked to Percy about this, and the ensuing pressure he still felt inside every time he heard his sister's name wasn't giving him a very eloquent response.

"Nico, we're not here to kill you." I raised my hands. "What happened to Bianca was—"

"Don't speak her name! You're not worthy to even talk about her!"

"What's the level of worthiness?" Alex was the only one who dared keep talking to him right now in anything resembling a light tone. "Just trying to get a scale on that?"

A flash of anger did burn through him, that this wasn't a joke, but he knew Alex didn't mean it like that. He'd never talked about his sister, he didn't know how.

Silence was his answer, but Alex wasn't deterred. He'd just try another way.

"Wait a minute," Annabeth pointed at Geryon. "How do you know our names?"

"I really stopped questioning that when Medusa did," Magnus shook his head.

The three-bodied man winked. "I make it my business to keep informed, darlin'. Everybody pops into the ranch from time to time. Everyone needs something from ole Geryon. Now, Mr. di Angelo, put that ugly sword away before I have Eurytion take it form you."

"It's not ugly!" Will said with a loud, nervous chuckle, his hands fidgeting around making calming gestures at nobody in here. He kept tickling the hair on the back of Nico's neck, and yet he didn't really have the urge to swat him away.

"Don't worry Will, I don't lose it at every insult," Nico sighed. His need had trumped his grudge for Percy, for the moment. He hoped Bianca had been around watching and smiled at that, he was already trying to live up to her wish without even knowing it.

Eurytion sighed, but he hefted his spiked club.

"I'm getting feelings of discontent," Jason said, sharp eyes clearly wondering if they could play these two against each other.

"What a strange child of Ares," Thalia agreed pleasantly.

At his feet, Orthus growled.

Nico hesitated. He looked thinner and paler than he had in the Irismessages. I wondered if he'd eaten in the last week. His black clothes were dusty from traveling in the Labyrinth, and his dark eyes were full of hate. He was too young to look so angry. I still remembered him as the cheerful little kid who played with Mythomagic cards.

Which hadn't changed much from the moment he'd been flung in here. Percy looked sharply away from him, his mind sucker punching him with guilt and memories he still hadn't tied together on how everything surrounding this kid seemed to have gone wrong.

Nico wanted to deny it. He wanted to summon an army of soldiers and dare anyone to call him weak and sad looking. He didn't want their pity!

But Will sighed, his arm across the back of the couch, his posture open, and exhausted. If Will had been talking to him this whole time out of some kind of pity, he couldn't find it. Alex tweaked his nose and gave him a knowing wink. The idea came across. 'I get it, life sucks.'

Reluctantly, he sheathed his sword. "If you come near me, Percy, I'll summon help. You don't want to meet my helpers, I promise."

"I believe you," I said.

"I really want you to hear what just happened Nico," Thalia chuckled. "This ding-dong has ignored gods, Chiron himself, and his mother every day of his life when she tells him to be safe. You, you he listened to without question."

"You mean putting the fear of death into you wouldn't work?" Percy rolled his eyes at her. He'd listened because he didn't want to try talking to Nico in front of these monsters and they needed to not kill each other until then.

Nico winced with guilt Percy had really believed that of him.

Geryon patted Nico's shoulder. "There, we've all made nice. Now come along, folks. I want to give you a tour of the ranch."

"Is there roasted peanuts involved?" Jason perked up at any mention of a tour.

"Athena set the bar to high," Magnus nodded, "I don't know how this guy is going to compete. I bet he won't even mention a snack bar."

Geryon had a trolley thing—like one of those kiddie trains that take you around zoos. It was painted black and white in a cowhide pattern. The driver's car had a set of longhorns stuck to the hood, and the horn sounded like a cowbell. I figured maybe this was how he tortured people. He embarrassed them to death riding around in the moo-mobile.

"You wouldn't believe how scary that thing can look popping up in the labyrinth," Nico scowled.

Magnus spluttered painfully as he tried to subdue a laugh, shaking his hands and gasping, "sorry! I believe you!" His face was turning red, he was probably signing to stay coherent like Nico actually understood that. "Just imaging that ghost getting freaked out by-" he had to stop and catch his breath.

Nico sighed and chuckled good-naturedly. Will even nodded beside him and said, "well I'm glad, I was worried you were dragged there kicking and screaming. This seems, less, um, bad?"

"I knew who Geryon was and wanted to make a deal," Nico nodded, not enlightening the others Minos had mentioned him as a potential ally. "I can't say I, regret, getting in," he sighed all the same his sister had finally shown up because of this mess. They'd saved a bunch of silly farm animals. There were worse outcomes that could have happened.

Nico sat in the very back, probably so he could keep an eye on us.

"The strategic move," Jason nodded.

"Hey," Percy frowned, "neither of us actually want the other dead!"

"If this wasn't a circular room I'd be staked out in the corner from you nutjobs," Jason smirked.

Eurytion crawled in next to him with his spiked club and pulled his cowboy hat over his eyes like he was going to take a nap. Orthus jumped in the front seat next to Geryon and began barking happily in two-part harmony.

Alex chuckled and very much wondered if he could turn into that dog. Oh the fun he could have.

Annabeth, Tyson, Grover, and I took the middle two cars.

"We have a huge operation!" Geryon boasted as the moo-mobile lurched forward. "Horses and cattle mostly, but all sorts of exotic varieties, too."

"Peacocks?" Magnus asked hopefully.

"Monster peacocks, now we're in business!" Alex agreed. "Oh, x-ray eyes! No, no, they look at you and expose the color of your aura!"

"I immediately regret this," Magnus sighed. For one glorious, childish moment the image of getting in one of those things had made him think of riding that with his mom at the zoo.

We came over a hill, and Annabeth gasped. "Hippalektryons?

"She always says these words with such confidence," Percy grinned. "I want to know where she finds the time to figure out how to say it in the first place while reading about the world."

"I bet she secretly has to practice clapping the syllables for weeks," Magnus offered. "Like dilophosaurus," he said from experience.

"A, dolphin dinosaur?" Percy asked, vaguely recognizing the name.

"It's the dinosaur that could spit poison!" Magnus grinned. "Fun fact, its been proved they actually couldn't do that, let alone had a frill!"

"Oh, how lame," Percy said. He'd loved the t-rex the most, and feared to much saying that out loud in case some god got a wise idea to sick one on his life.

I thought they were extinct!"

"I've only ever heard of them as actual made up animals too," Thalia grinned in surprise. "Like the lock-ness monster back then, used to scare kids into behaving."

"That's adorable," Jason chuckled. Thalia smiled, he probably wouldn't think it was so entertaining if he knew the real monsters that had haunted them as kids.

At the bottom of the hill was a fenced-in pasture with a dozen of the weirdest animals I'd ever seen.

"You have clearly not been at the bottom of the ocean long enough to see a fangtooth fish. They live with dead eyes and you cannot convince me otherwise. Your dads kingdom makes ancient greek monsters look normal," Alex confessed.

Percy's brain flipflopped back and forth between the idea of a fish being scary and Alex knowing a fish he didn't before deciding on moving on.

Each had the front half of a horse and the back half of a rooster. Their rear feet were huge yellow claws. They had feathery tails and red wings. As I watched, two of them got in a fight over a pile of seed. They reared up on their wings at each other until the smaller one galloped away, its rear bird legs putting a little hop in its step.

"That's adorable," Magnus couldn't help but agree with Will's little coo of excitement.

"I wonder if they're strong enough for Tyson to finally get that ride he wants," Percy nodded they weren't the craziest thing.

"Rooster ponies," Tyson said in amazement. "Do they lay eggs?"

"Once a year!" Geryon grinned in the rearview mirror. "Very much in demand for omelettes!"

"That's horrible!" Annabeth said. "They must be an endangered species!"

Geryon waved his hand. "Gold is gold, darling. And you haven't tasted the omelettes."

"Oooh, yeah, I hate him," Alex said in way to calm a voice for someone who was clearly now planning at least one major crime.

Will nibbled on his lip as he tried to offer, "there's clearly some kind of good balance? Ah, he's helping an endangered species stay alive enough to breed at least, that's more than they're getting being extinct? Baby steps?"

"No Will," Alex said in that continued eerie voice. "You don't get to optimistic your way out of this one."

"Right, yeah, I'll get the lighter fluid," Will agreed, and not just because those would be awesome to have around camp.

"That's not right," Grover murmured, but Geryon just kept narrating the tour.

"Now, over here," he said, "we have our fire-breathing horses, which you may have seen on your way in. They're bred for war, naturally."

"What war?" I asked.

"Any war," Jason gave him a strange look. "Sell those to some mortals and they'll just think they have a weirdly awesome murder horse that doesn't get hurt by flamethrowers." He had a funny feeling about this place. He was sure he'd never directly been, but something of this caused an annoying tick in his brain all the same.

"How about we not sit around discussing warfare," Thalia sighed. Considering camp was on the brink of one, it wasn't anyone's favorite subject right now.

Geryon grinned slyly. "Oh, whichever one comes along. And over yonder, of course, are our prize red cows."

Sure enough, hundreds of the cherry-colored cattle were grazing the side of the hill.

"So many," Grover said.

"Yes, well, Apollo is too busy to see them," Geryon explained, "so he subcontracts to us. We breed them vigorously because there's such a demand."

"For what?" I asked.

Geryon raised an eyebrow. "Meat, of course! Armies have to eat."

"Ugh, okay, that's disgusting," Will shivered. That was like eating a piece of his dads car tire. How could someone stomach even the thought of wanting to do that?

"So it's not okay when it's related to your dad?" Alex challenged.

"They're not related to me, that's not what sacred means," Will sighed. "I'm of the opinion you can't stop the world from being evil so you should try to make peace," he defended himself. "I'm also of the opinion this place is lucky it isn't raining plague arrows right now and my dad would not be happy about this so we should absolutely intervene before the whole place is set on fire and all the cute animals suffer. More."

"A compromise I won't ignore," Alex nodded.

"You kill the sacred cows of the sun god for hamburger meat?" Grover said. "That's against ancient laws!"

"And clearly nothing bad has happened to him," Percy muttered, his mind still on Chiron's dire warning about how many people were on this quest.

Jason still looked a little grumpy nobody had dumped an ancient library on his head so he could be studying all of this in depth like a psychopath.

"Oh, don't get so worked up, satyr. They're just animals."

"Anybody who ever says that deserves to be fed to animals," Thalia shook her head in disgust. "You know who never says that! Farmers who actually care and understand the balance and the welfare of what an animal needs in life!"

"How many black market animal traders have you guys shish kabobed?" Alex asked eagerly.

"Quite a few," Thalia said proudly, popping the collar of her silver jacket. "Stories I will proudly share."

Alex actually began rubbing his hands in excitement.

"Just animals!"

"Yes, and if Apollo cared, I'm sure he would tell us."

"If he knew," I muttered.

"The fact that he doesn't know is kind of getting to me right now," Nico admitted.

"Welcome to my world," Jason agreed. He'd lost track of what the gods did and didn't know and he was about to start making a list just to satisfy his peace of mind.

Nico sat forward. "I don't care about any of this, Geryon. We had business to discuss, and this wasn't it!"

"You are now the definition of someone who needs to stop and smell the roses," Magnus told him sympathetically. He'd been living a hard life and needed some fun, like a cute animal ride through a nice farm. Just not this one.

"Hard pass," Nico turned his nose up just because of his stepmother though.

"All in good time, Mr. di Angelo. Look over here; some of my exotic game."

"You were half right last time on the birds," Alex grinned at Magnus. "Going to take another shot?"

"I couldn't guess what was in there in a million years," he reminded.

The next field was ringed in barbed wire. The whole area was crawling with giant scorpions.

Causing the others to burst out laughing hard while Magnus threw his hands up in exasperation.

"Triple G Ranch," I said, suddenly remembering. "Your mark was on the crates at camp. Quintus got his scorpions from you."

"Quintus..." Geryon mused. "Short gray hair, muscular, swordsman?"

"Yeah."

"Never heard of him," Geryon said.

"Uhhu," Jason frowned, "and I'm a child of Neptune."

"We look nothing alike," Percy looked around in confusion. "Thalia could pass that off better."

"Yeah, because that's the weird part of what I said," Jason snorted.

"Could you two stay on one topic for five seconds," Thalia sighed.

"Well it's not like we know any more about Geryon or Quintus from this," Jason sighed. "So he bought some scorpions from a questionable ranch. The guy obviously gets around and wanted to impress the camp with a cool monster, and this is the kind of guy, um, monster who would sell his grandma for a penny. I'm not sold on anything."

"I'm now concerned this is where he got Mrs. O'Leary from though," Alex frowned. "Does he have a puppy mill somewhere in the back I am not going to like?"

"Let's just wait and see how this plays out," Thalia said. She honestly didn't know, though Annabeth had promised this place was being run by Eurytion and it was much better now so she hadn't gone to visit herself when she heard these atrocities. She didn't want Percy thinking to much ahead and remembering that though, let alone any other details, so was more than happy to keep them moving along.

"Now, over here are my prize stables! You must see them."

I didn't need to see them, because as soon as we got within three hundred yards I started to smell them. Near the banks of a green river was a horse corral the size of a football field.

Thalia smacked Percy with a very annoyed eye roll. "That field gets bigger every time this story gets told by the way. Last time I was around Camp, it was the size of Olympus."

Percy rubbed his arm with a confused smile. Hopefully all his friends hadn't died a very manly death on the dude ranch if it was a popular tale.

Stables lined one side of it. About a hundred horses were milling around in the muck—and when I say muck, I mean horse poop. It was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen, like a poop blizzard had come through and dumped four feet of the stuff overnight. The horses were really gross from wading through it, and the stables were just as bad. It reeked like you would not believe—worse than the garbage boats on the East River.

Jason gagged at just the thought and covered up his nose. Alex, Magnus, and Nico had woken up in the worst of smelling places and still couldn't come close to imagining how the stench of that must have been vomit inducing, eye watering, disgusting beyond all words.

"You haven't been involuntarily shoved into a bathroom in this one yet," Thalia was waving her hand in front of her face like the book was letting out such an odor now. "I hope there's one handy around."

For once Percy couldn't even be annoyed at them for making that joke, if anybody needed a massive toilet it was those poor creatures.

Even Nico gagged. "What is that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, clearly hurt. "You think I go around sniffing corpses for fun?"

"You'd had this look on your face the whole time like I was about to start hacking pieces off of you," Percy said, a touch guilty, a little defensive. "Sorry to see you have a normal reaction to something."

He huffed and muttered but didn't protest further.

"My stables!" Geryon said. "Well, actually they belong to Aegas,

"Your shield owns horses?" Percy asked blankly.

"Aegas means cloaked, protection, and is most commonly associated with the word Zeus," Thalia shrugged.

"Oh, good, so it's not just Apollo who's prized animals are being mistreated. Equal opportunity and all that," Percy sighed.

but we watch over them for a small monthly fee. Aren't they lovely?"

"They're disgusting!" Annabeth said.

"Lots of poop," Tyson observed.

"The only takeaway we need from this place, as always, is delivered best by Tyson," Will sighed.

"How can you keep animals like that?" Grover cried.

"Y'all getting' on my nerves," Geryon said.

"Did he expect cheers and applause for these animals swimming in their own feces?" Magnus scowled. Horses he did like, and even if this was a pack of wolves, this was the definition of an inhumane environment.

"I hope he still does when I throw him in the nearest portapotty," Alex scowled.

"These are flesh-eating horses, see? They like these conditions."

"I'm not going to believe this guy," Magnus huffed. "Who knew a monster with three chests was heartless!"

Percy winced and gave him a strange look, but his vision went blurry and his headache didn't allow him a second of thought to wonder why.

"Plus, you're too cheap to have them cleaned," Eurytion mumbled from under his hat.

"Quiet!" Geryon snapped.

"Ooo, trouble in the dude paradise," Jason said with interest.

Percy let out a painful gasp and began rubbing at his forehead at that bouncing around his skull next, and Thalia placed a calming hand on his shoulder and a stern look at Magnus to finish.

"All right, perhaps the stables are a bit challenging to clean. Perhaps they do make me nauseous when the wind blows the wrong way. But so what? My clients still pay me well."

"Anything for that bottom line huh?" Percy asked with enough disgust to have his own manure heap packed in.

"What clients?" I demanded.

"Oh, you'd be surprised how many people will pay for a flesh-eating horse. They make great garbage disposals. Wonderful way to terrify your enemies. Great at birthday parties! We rent them out all the time."

"I find that very hard to believe, nobody would go near enough to this thing to be eaten by it, the way they smelled," Nico scoffed.

"Do monsters have birthday parties?" Magnus asked in surprise.

Alex doubled over laughing while Will grinned faintly in surprise. "I thought he meant mortal torture fests with kids mysteriously vanishing, but um, yeah Magnus, maybe."

"Monsters call in a celebration with beer and flesh-eating horses every time they come back?" Jason said ambiguously, with a very raised brow.

"I bet the invite list is really short notice," Percy chuckled along.

"I'll make it my mission to get on more," Thalia smirked, she and Percy high-fiving at the level of gatecrashing that would soon be involved if this was a thing.

"You're a monster," Annabeth decided.

Geryon stopped the moo-mobile and turned to look at her. "What gave it away? Was it the three bodies?"

"I try to overlook minor things like that," Percy scowled. "It was his shitty personality!"

"You have to let these animals go," Grover said. "It's not right!"

"And the clients you keep talking about," Annabeth said. "You work for Kronos, don't you? You're supplying his army with horses, food, whatever they need."

Geryon shrugged, which was very weird since he had three sets of shoulders. It looked like he was doing the wave all by himself.

Percy watched as those around him gave grudging laughs for that visual while their stomachs sank at finding an answer to a question they didn't have. Magnus had never sat around and assumed monsters needed to eat to stay alive like 'normal' animals and people, they just existed and chose to. Alex had sort of been assuming the Titan of Time could just make money appear at will for whatever he needed.

To hear that there was some kind of financial backer to all of this made it much more real, a new level to a threat they already had plenty of fear in without all of that.

"I work for anyone with gold, young lady. I'm a businessman. And I sell them anything I have to offer."

He climbed out of the moo-mobile and strolled toward the stables as if enjoying the fresh air. It would've been a nice view, with the river and the trees and hills and all,

Jason raised a disbelieving brow at the mention of a river in sight. Percy had once nearly flooded his own camp with one after a tiff with Thalia, where was that temper drowning Geryon now at all of this? He found himself impressed Percy seemed to grow up a little more every book, find a little more self control in him.

except for the quagmire of horse muck.

Nico got out of the back car and stormed over to Geryon. The cowherd Eurytion wasn't as sleepy as he looked. He hefted his club and walked after Nico.

"He could have at least left the club in the moo-machine," Will muttered, "you hadn't drawn your sword again."

Nico gave him a surprised smile, the sense of feeling his arm on the back of the couch had faded to a comfortable presence he was still getting used to.

"I came here for business, Geryon," Nico said. "And you haven't answered me."

"Mmm." Geryon examined a cactus. His left arm reached over and scratched his middle-chest. "Yes, you'll get a deal, all right."

"You haven't even told us how you were paying for the Happy Meals?" Alex asked. "How were you going to pay this guy for anything?"

"I was working on that," Nico said, doing well to keep the childish note out of his voice to hide he had no clue. He'd been basically making this up as he went along from Minos's outline.

"My ghost told me you could help. He said you could guide us to the soul we need."

"Wait a second," I said. "I thought I was the soul you wanted."

Nico looked at me like I was crazy. "You? Why would I want you? Bianca's soul is worth a thousand of yours!

Percy startled in surprise, and then smiled of all things. "That is the best reason I've ever heard for someone not wanting my soul!"

"You're, welcome," Nico muttered in surprise. He still kept expecting Thalia to launch a thousand questions at him over what he was doing, somebody to scold him and be disgusted he'd been willing to do this at all.

For now, it was just Percy touching his chest and smiling, and that was enough to not feel rejected again.

Now, can you help me, Geryon, or not?"

"Oh, I imagine I could," the rancher said. "Your ghost friend, by the way, where is he?"

Nico looked uneasy. "He can't form in broad daylight. It's hard for him. But he's around somewhere."

Geryon smiled. "I'm sure. Minos

"Minos?" Five people yelped so loud it seemed to echo to the walls and back again several times. The only person who hadn't was Thalia, and she looked plenty displeased anyways.

"The evil eyed, pointy beard king who locks people up is your tour guide!" Alex's hands were clearly itching for his garotte. "He needs to be killed properly, stat! Then we'll find the dumbass who didn't kill him properly the first time and do them next!"

Percy had Riptide drawn, the cap of his pen dancing innocently on the floor between his shoes as he sat in place but still looked ready to stab something. "I can't believe you ran away from camp to take advice from-"

There was all that anger Nico had long since been expecting, and his hackles instantly raised. "I didn't ask your opinion on this, or need it thrown in my face! Can you not shut it and just get through this!"

Percy opened his mouth in outrage, he was upset Nico was being manipulated! But the tension of the water was already building around them, and only a gentle clearing of Thalia's throat needed to be heard for now to remind him to clench his jaw shut. This had already happened, and if Nico didn't want to hear his opinion on something, then he should probably accept that lest the kid blurt out any more life confessions as he slowly bent to put the cap of his pen back over his sword.

likes to disappear when things get...difficult."

"Minos?" I remembered the man I'd seen in my dreams, with the golden crown, the pointed beard, and the cruel eyes. "You mean that evil king? That's the ghost who's been giving you advice?"

"It's none of your business, Percy!" Nico turned back to Geryon. "And what do you mean about things getting difficult?"

The three-bodied man sighed. "Well, you see, Nico—can I call you Nico?"

"No."

"You see, Nico,

"He needs to die. Like a lot," Alex scowled. He took nothing more personally than assholes who misgendered, misnamed, or bragged about being a douche.

"In more ways than you know," Nico said with a very satisfied smile for Alex, though neither of them spoke to loudly in case Percy took a hint as he scowled and still held his pen in hand like Minos was still creeping around in here.

Luke Castellan is offering very good money for halfbloods. Especially powerful half-bloods. And I'm sure when he learns your little secret, who you really are, he'll pay very, very well indeed."

Will made such a deep throated noise it actually sounded like a growl. Kids shouldn't be sold around like cattle! And Nico was more than just a powerful bargaining chip!

Nico was already feeling bad for his outburst at Percy, and realizing Will was actually upset on his behalf too made him feel even worse. "Sorry, Percy," he offered, not expecting Percy to accept it. "I, um-"

"It's cool," Percy shrugged with not a chip in sight. "I'm glad you like me better than the creep who would actually sell your soul."

"It's a thin margin," he grinned faintly in surprise while Percy immediately smiled back.

Nico drew his sword, but Eurytion knocked it out of his hand. Before I could get up, Orthus pounced on my chest and growled, his faces an inch away from mine.

Thalia's bow appeared in hand on instinct, no one in doubt she would have shot both of those heads without hesitation, and everyone in the room was starting to feel a little short of breath at all three of these guys finding themselves on edge. Their very presence overlapping each other made the molecules feel more volatile all of a sudden.

"I would stay in the car, all of you," Geryon warned. "Or Orthus will tear Mr. Jackson's throat out. Now, Eurytion, if you would be so kind, secure Nico."

The cowherd spit into the grass. "Do I have to?"

"Yes, you fool!"

Eurytion looked bored, but he wrapped one huge arm around Nico and lifted him up like a wrestler.

Jason's hand clenched into such a tight fist it looked like his veins were spidery arcs trying to pop out of his arm. Like this maniac had no weapon except a weird gold coin and was willing to deck someone anyways. Magnus kept reading in the tense silence and hoped wanting to finish it wasn't a last-minute life goal as he shoved down his fight or flight instinct.

"Pick up the sword, too," Geryon said with distaste. "There's nothing I hate worse than Stygian Iron."

"So does that make it the absolute perfect weapon to kill him with?" Alex asked with could-not-fool a soul innocence. "Or are we supposed to find a way to kill him with money? I'm open to suggestions." The 'whatever it takes to get this guy dead,' went without saying.

"We can always start a list and just play around to see what works," Jason said in a very eerie kind of way, and Thalia's bow vanished as she looked at him in concern. She didn't disagree Geryon needed to die like any monster, but she did not like that cruel edge he got in his tone for it.

Eurytion picked up the sword, careful not to touch the blade.

"Now," Geryon said cheerfully, "we've had the tour. Let's go back to the lodge, have some lunch, and send an Iris-message to our friends in the Titan army."

"You fiend!" Annabeth cried.

Geryon smiled at her. "Don't worry, my dear. Once I've delivered Mr. di Angelo, you and your party can go. I don't interfere with quests. Besides, I've been paid well to give you safe passage, which does not, I'm afraid, include Mr. di Angelo.

"Paid by who?" Magnus yelped in surprise.

"Paid by whom?" Annabeth said.

"It's the correct grammar that really makes that sentence feel off," Magnus admitted, fighting off a grudging laugh.

"It's the fact that he's not going to answer that makes me not care," Percy scoffed.

"Well I sure do," Will's scowl seemed scarier the longer it lingered, all of the light in the room seemed to be sucking right towards him. "Who's paying for just some kids to get through and not all of them? Sorry Percy, you know I care about you, but I'm not okay with that!"

"Neither am I," Percy promised at once. "You really think I'll sit by and let that happen?" He asked casually, like he was asking Will what he had for lunch.

Will seemed mildly soothed by the reminder all the same, though the light went back to normal in the room with a little popping noise. Nico swallowed more shame and anger he'd needed help to get out of this. He'd survived in that labyrinth for months by himself. Percy had come around once, and he was back to being a useless kid.

"What do you mean?"

"Never you mind, darlin'.

Percy decided whatever bits he hacked Geryon into weren't small enough just for calling Annabeth that.

Let's be off, shall we?"

"Wait!" I said, and Orthus growled. I stayed perfectly still so he wouldn't tear my throat out. "Geryon, you said you're a businessman. Make me a deal."

Percy always knew he was doing something right when everybody looked at him in surprise like that. He smiled and fought off the urge to gag at the stench of dog breath still hot in his face.

Geryon narrowed his eyes. "What sort of deal? Do you have gold?"

"I've got something better. Barter."

"But Mr. Jackson, you've got nothing."

"You could have him clean the stables," Eurytion suggested innocently.

"I'll do it!" I said. "If I fail, you get all of us. Trade us all to Luke for gold."

"Assuming the horses don't eat you," Geryon observed.

"Either way, you get my friends," I said. "But if I succeed, you've got to let all of us go, including Nico."

"No!" Nico screamed. "Don't do me any favors, Percy. I don't want your help!"

"You didn't have to do that," Nico said again, more confused than he even had been to Will before. "I, wouldn't have helped Luke. I would have gotten out on my own, I work fine on my own."

"I would have done it for anybody Nico," Percy gave him a bizarre look for saying that at all. "I don't try to help you just because I feel guilty about your sister. You know that, right?"

"Right, yeah, I'm um, getting that," Nico promised awkwardly. He'd spent so long being mad at Percy and then so long avoiding him and then stuck here for what felt like an infernal lifetime now he probably didn't have a choice at this rate but to get used to him.

Geryon chuckled. "Percy Jackson, those stables haven't been cleaned in a thousand years...

"Hercules did it last time I believe," Will offered in some weird semblance of a peace offering and something nice to say while everybody was being held hostage now. "So it's not undoable."

"Great, let's see how I do a remix on that," Percy frowned anew, never pleased to hear his name again.

though it's true I might be able to sell more stable space if all that poop was cleared away."

"So what have you got to lose?"

The rancher hesitated. "All right, I'll accept your offer, but you have to get it done by sunset. If you fail, your friends get sold, and I get rich."

"Deal."

He nodded. "I'm going to take your friends with me, back to the lodge. We'll wait for you there."

"Err," Magnus really hoped he was just missing something in what he'd just read. Was that whole swearing on the Styx thing required to be said out loud? Because he didn't think this hillbilly dude to be a man of his word.

Percy looked so agitated though he decided not to bring it up, considering nobody had lost an eardrum yet to this latest debacle.

Eurytion gave me a funny look. It might have been sympathy.

"If this comes down to a vote, at least he'll be on your side whether the law agrees or not," Jason said.

"Seriously dude, are you like, in pre lawyer school or something?" Percy burst out in surprised laughter.

"I like to consider myself a good judge of character and taking in the terrain," Jason grinned.

He whistled, and the dog jumped off me and onto Annabeth's lap. She yelped. I knew Tyson and Grover would never try anything as long as Annabeth was hostage.

I got out of the car and locked eyes with her.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she said quietly.

"I hope so, too."

"I hope so three," Thalia groaned. Here once again was Percy putting everything on the line in hopes he knew what he was doing. Good thing that always worked out or the world would be doomed.

Geryon got behind the driver's wheel. Eurytion hauled Nico into the backseat.

"Sunset," Geryon reminded me. "No later."

He laughed at me once more, sounded his cowbell horn, and the moo-mobile rumbled off down the trail.

"That is a weirdly menacing sentence," Magnus groaned as he began to hand the book to Alex. "I am sorry for laughing about that earlier Nico, and not just because Annabeth is in it now."

"Circumstances matter," Nico agreed nonchalantly.

#pjo #reading the books #fanfiction #Thalia Grace #Percy Jackson #Jason Grace #nico di angelo #will solace #alex fierro #magnus chase #fierrochase #solangelo #percabeth #big three kids #HDYSG

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creatorbiaze · 4 months

Text

Incorrect Quotes: Quoruvelm Edition

theres a lot so . below cut

Felix: What’s up? I’m back. Magnus: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead Felix: Death is a social construct.

Cearo: If chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would? Magnus: Without question! Keiluvi: Without remorse. Curirzu: Without hesitation.

Alex: Good morning. Amaranth: Good morning. Felix: Good morning. Curirzu: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Keiluvi: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

Keiluvi: New cryptid: It's me. I come into your window at night and I say "Feel how cold my hands are" and then I put my cold hands on the back of your neck. Alex: But... My neck! Keiluvi: You should've thought of that before you went and had a neck.

Cearo: Why do we usually only drink cow milk? What does whale milk taste like? I want some whale milk. Felix: Are you okay? Cearo: I WOULD BE if I had some WHALE MILK.

Cearo: I am an expert at identifying birds. Alex: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? Cearo: Yeah, they're all birds.

Felix: Dirt! Keiluvi: Mmmmm... Tasty... Felix: The D in Dirt stands for "Do not eat this, please." Keiluvi: But the I R T stands for "It's Really Tasty."

Felix, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Cearo: Hey there demons, It's me, ya boi. Felix: Cearo, NO!

*Everyone is giving advice to Felix* Alex: It's okay to ask for help. Keiluvi: You're not a burden. Amaranth: Murder is okay. Magnus: Your feelings matter.

Keiluvi: I tried to write ‘I'm a functional adult’ but my phone changed it to ‘fictional adult’ and i feel like that’s more accurate.

Magnus: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Cearo: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back... Alex: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Amaranth: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Felix: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Keiluvi: Mental stability, my old friend! Magnus: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Felix: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff. Magnus: Oh, that was all real. Felix: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?! Magnus: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

Curirzu: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team. Amaranth: Sounds fake but ok.

Keiluvi: Was walking my dog downtown and he stopped to drink from a dog bown in front of a bar and I was like "Oh, are you a thirsty little guy?" and Felix was sitting there and said "I guess I am," as he took a sip of his water, then realized I was not talking to him and looked completely horrified.

Felix: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Keiluvi: Strong. Magnus: Weak. Amaranth: An idiot, is what your are.

Felix: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Alex: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Magnus: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Alex: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. Amaranth: Did you burn an orange too? How??? Alex: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

*Felix dies in a game with ships* Keiluvi: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Keiluvi: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Amaranth: Legend has it that Felix still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Felix: Of course I do.

Curirzu: I lost Felix. Amaranth: How did you LOSE Felix?! Curirzu: To be fair, they are very small.

Alex: Gender? Ha, yeah. I totally have one of those, definitely. There's some sort of gender around here, gimmie a second. Alex, throwing dirty laundry around: Shit. I know it was here... I saw it yesterday! Alex, crawling around on the floor, looking under things: Ugh... Sorry, gimmie a sec... I swear, I had it just the other day...

#it kept trying to make felix insult cearo i #poor cearo #ocs #oc things #Felix brennus #amaranth adams #Quoruvelm #Keiluvi

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robinsnest2111 · 2 years

Note

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them? cause i don't know a lot about your ocs

uhhhh for All of them? 😂 Well I'll see what I can cobble together lol

under a readmore because I have a lot of OCs and A Lot to say!

to start at the very beginning: my first group of proper OCs (Felix + Moritz + Emily) where mostly created as a coping mechanism for me to deal with bullying, trauma and extreme social isolation as a teen.

Felix is very obviously a self insert, embodying all the traits about teen me that I perceived as negative and unlovable.

Moritz is the pinnacle of Seemingly Intimidating Goth/Metal Guy with A Heart Of Gold and was designed to love Felix, flaws and all. Because I really needed that back then.

Emily is the small bubbly confident childhood friend with sweet supportive parents and a good home life, fully submerged in the world of goth (which was one of my main obsessions as a teen) and not afraid to kick someone's ass with her stompy platform boots to protect her bestie Felix!

The first thing I decided on was probably Felix' name. I did start to seriously question my gender back at 12/13 and Felix was one of the names that were somehow dear to me (probably because I had a brown plush mouse as a little kid which I named Felix lol). Similar story with Emily tbh. Had a doll as a kid which was named Emily and I just really liked the name.

---

Next up: Scene-chan, Emo Girl and Harstyle Girl, not much to say about them tbh. obviously based on the popular music/fashion based subcultures of the day (mid to late 2000s, early 2010s). another bunch of my teenage years obsessions lol

---

then: my emo boys Alex and Joël! it's kinda cringe and embarrassing to admit, but they're based on a classmate and I way back in 6th grade. They started out as random emo boys but a few years ago I decided to give them names and a basic backstory.

Once again Joël is kind of an alternate universe self insert (based on if I had taken up my emo classmate on the offer of giving me an emo haircut and taking me to an emo meet up, still regret not being brave and accepting to this day lmao), and basically another coping mechanism of Self insert is loved by other OC despite his perceived flaws that make him "unlovable" :')

---

on to some of my most fleshed out OCs of the bunch: my absolutely beloved metal boys Lukas, Simon, and Raphael! I actually came up with them for one of my last pre-college assignments! I chose the topic character design and since I was starting to really dive into the wonderful world of metal, I promptly created my boys!!!

They all have some of my traits but are pretty solid characters in their own right. Their story has changed quite a bit, mostly because of storytelling classes in college and the teacher for that course demanding some realism in the form of depressing realistic shit (drug addiction, abuse, Struggling in general, etc.) and less of whatever low stakes, non-dramatic supernatural demon contract stuff I had going on beforehand lol I didn't like it at first but it somehow stuck, oops.

The first thing I decided on was probably Lukas' haircut! I did accidentally mirror it at some point tho (brain like Swiss cheese and the bad habit of keeping most of my oc info haphazardly lying around inside my head)

---

And finally, my Metalocalypse ocs: Rapunzel and Martin! They're both klokateers working for Dethklok, nothing too special about them tbh. Rapunzel has more of a backstory than Martin at this point, I really need to do more with them tho!!!

The first thing I decided about Rapunzel (when he went from a random background Klokateer in my dethentines entries to a proper OC) was him being a laundry klokateer! I'm not well-versed in assassin/bodyguard work and all the Die For Dethklok backgrounds of most other klokateers and thought. Hey. Mordhaus is fucking huge and there are so many employees keeping the whole thing going. So there must be an entire laundry squad somewhere. And I know how to do laundry. So that's where I put Rapunzel hehe

Martin is still pretty much a blank slate. All I have for him so far is that he's from Germany and Drepressed/Suicidal As Fuck (literally the first thing i decided about him. like, what if i made an OC that's So Fucking Depressed), hence why he signed up to become a klokateer.

He wants to die anyway, might as well die protecting a band he likes. But surprise surprise, while working he runs into Rapunzel, the eternal ball of sunshine, ends up saving his life from intruders who were on a mission to kill Dethklok (a normal tuesday tbh), and with the help of him and all his coworkers he learns that life is somehow worth living after all. So basically his plan backfired and now he has so many things to fight and live for!

So. Martin lowkey is Rapunzel's "I Could Fix Him" project 😂👌 Oh! and Rapunzel calls him Tintin 🥺💕

---

If you have made it this far I hereby award you a medal because this sure was a wall of text!

#anaalnathrakhs #ask robin #my ocs #felix (oc)#emily (oc)#moritz (oc)#alex (oc)#joël (oc)#lukas (oc)#simon (oc)#raphael (oc)#rapunzel (mtl oc)#martin (mtl oc)

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stainlesssteellocust · 1 year

Text

Other random thoughts on book 8

adding Potential Demon Baby to the "how the hell are you gonna wrap up all these plot hooks in just one book, Charlie" list, unless he does the obvious and just writes more in the setting under a different name (IIRC 'The Laundry Files' wasn't his idea, maybe the publishers just wanted to reel in Harry Dresden fans?)

Mhari's whole scheme to take out Schiller is the most fun I have ever had reading her in the series, play of the game to you, Mhari

In contrast, Mo crashing into the tongueripper thingies and immediately drifting off to the sex pollen nonsense while Cassie crashes in right next to her and remained, as far as we can tell, entirely lucid was something of an L, sorry Dominique

Speaking of that, Cassie treating the whole operation like one big game until the tonguerippers, something she personally recognised from back home, entered the equation, was interesting. Everything else was just silly human nonsense. She was excited to fight those 'soulriders' we never saw. She mainlined power from her Host to tear through zombies (or maybe from Alex? It's unclear, Mo said she was too far from the Host to draw power, but Alex was sworn into it, was nearby, and has a lot of raw power, so maybe she used him as a battery?). She literally laughed at a god. But when she saw something that reminded her of her homeworld? Then she got scared. The only other thing that bothered her was Fabian. Points for the "Everyone else angsts over a looming apocalypse while First sees Earth as one big holiday" theory.

the idea that there's American doomsday preppers who have coincidentally figured out the real reason the world is gonna end and are actually right this time is sending me

what with Alex freaking out over whether Cassie was going to be safe, I wonder what happened when they met back up - did he fuss over her while Mo was still unconscious, or, considering he's been living with this girl for a month now and Bob keeps noting they're inseperable, did he just go "she's skipping about talking loudly and making extremely out-of-place movie references, she's fine" and immediately calm down?

Fabian telling people to stay still and them losing the ability to breathe was cool

While they generally weren't as disturbing as in Apocalypse Codex (more hateable, yeah, but less horrifying), the Golden Promise's 'Christian' trappings slowly peeling away was genuinely creepy

#the laundry files #charles stross

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marvelwitchergilmore · 2 years

Text

MASTERLIST

All my Oneshots/Series are listed below:

Most (if not all) are over 1k words.

Eddissy:

Found Family

Steve Harrington:

Talking About It part 1/4 -> Steve Harrington x Henderson!OC

Talking About It part 2/4

Talking About It part 3/4

Talking About It part 4/4

Ride or Die -> Steve Harrington x OC

Dean Winchester:

A Winchester’s Daughter 1/? -> Dean Winchester x Daughter!OC (B99 crossover)

A Winchester’s Daughter 2/?

A Winchester’s Daughter 3/?

Demon In Love -> Dean Winchester x OC

Love In The Bureau 1/? -> Dean Winchester x Steve/Peggy Daughter!OC - AU!Agent Dean

Love In The Bureau 2/?

Love In The Bureau 3/?

Love In The Bureau 4/?

Love In The Bureau 5/?

Love In The Bureau 6/?

Two Hunters and A Baby -> Dean Winchester x OC

Can You Picture It? Us? -> Dean Winchester x OC

Folding Laundry -> Dean Winchester x OC (or fe!reader)

Saying "I Love You" -> Dean Winchester x Fe!reader

Wedding Day Disaster -> Dean Winchester x Fe!OC

Childhood Crush -> Dean Winchester x Fe!OC(Zoey)

Old Friends, Old Cars and New Love -> Dean Winchester x Fe!OC (Peggy)

Fearless Hunter Saved -> Dean Winchester x Fe!Reader

Spencer Reid:

A Life of Shocks and Promises 1/? -> Spencer Reid x Austin

A Life of Shocks and Promises 2/?

New Recruit -> SR x OC

New Neighbour -> SR x OC

Best-Friends In Love -> SR x JJ (Jeid)

Cardigan -> Spencer Reid x Fe!Reader

In A While (part one) -> Spencer Reid x Fe!Reader

For A While (part two) -> Spencer Reid x Fe!Reader (+16)

Castiel Novak:

I'm Yours -> Castiel x Fe!Reader

Solider Boy:

A Soldier in Montana -> Solider Boy x Fe!OC

Beau Arlen:

Dance with me, Darlin’ -> Beau Arlen x Reader

I Can Feel You -> Beau Arlen x Fe!OC (reader if you wish)

Last Minute Customer -> Beau Arlen x Reader

Steve Rogers:

Falling In Fall -> Steve Rogers x OC (female - Noelle Harlow)

Tell Me What We Are -> Steve Rogers x OC (Female - Isla)

Peter Parker:

Christmas Movies and Kisses -> Peter Parker x Fe!OC (Alex)

I’m In Love (With My Best Friend) -> Peter Parker x Fe!Reader

The Look Of Terror -> Peter Parker x Fe!Reader

A Moment Of Everything -> Peter Parker x Fe!Reader

Bruce Wayne/Batman:

Drowning In Love -> Bale!Bruce Wayne x Fe!OC (Althea)

Javier Peña:

Durazno -> Javier Peña x Fe!OC/Reader (Last name; Becker)

Secure -> Javier Peña x Fe!Reader

Kiss In Stitches -> Javier Pena x Fe!Reader/OC (Last Name; Jackson)

Blood Washed Away -> Javier Pena x Fe!Reader

To Shitty Days and Shitty Families -> Javier Pena x Fe!Reader

Din Djarin:

Without Logic, or Reasoning -> Din Djarin x Fe!Reader

Anthony Lockwood:

Wake Me Up (And Hold On To Me) -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Bloody Pardon -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Bloody Pardon 2 -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Bloody Pardon 3 -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Bloody Pardon 4 -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Freak Like Them -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader (more found family with all Lockwood and Co)

Message From Iris -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Punch At First Sight -> Lockwood x Fe!Reader

Joel Miller:

To You -> Joel Miller x Fe!Reader

Written In The Stars -> Joel Miller x Reader (is Fe! but no use of pro-nouns in the fic)

Quiet Crushes -> Joel Miller x Fe!Reader

Javi Gutierrez:

Cambiando El Mundo -> Javi G x Reader

Clint Barton:

Out Of Depth (But We’ll Be Okay) -> Clint Barton x Fe!Reader (18+)

In Love -> Clint Barton x Fe!Reader (16+)

Oberyn Martell:

Dove -> Oberyn Martell x Fe!Reader

Loki Laufeyson:

Everything Little Thing (Is Magic) -> Loki x Fe!Reader

Detecting Love -> Loki x Fe!Reader

Billy The Kid:

Don’t Waste A Second -> Billy the Kid x Fe!Reader (16+)

Colter Shaw:

One Number Away -> Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader (18+)

Wedding Invitations -> Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader

Wedding Invitations (2) -> Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader

Bloodied Hands -> Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader

Off Limits -> Colter Shaw x Fe!Reader

Aaron Hotchner:

Tough Day -> Aaron Hotchner x Fe!Reader

First Kick -> Aaron Hotchner x Fe!Reader

Together -> Aaron Hotchner x Fe!Reader

First Name Basis -> Aaron Hotchner x Fe!Reader

Logan Howlett/Wolverine:

Nobody Important -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Surprise Marriage -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

In Sickness and Health -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Dreams, A Nightmare and A Kiss -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Unexpected Surprises -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Sleeping, Dancing and Mistletoe -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Busted -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Daisies and Haircuts -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

A Good Man -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader (18+)

Simple Gestures -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Slow Dancing and Slow Mornings -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

Let Me Prove It -> Logan/Wolverine x Fe!Reader

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adarlingwrites · 3 years

Text

Leave it to the Wind

Summary: Between deadlines, an awful transport system, and aswangs lurking about in the shadows, you have much to worry about as a college student in Manila, and it's so much that your social life is practically dead. Your wind people roommates want to help you remedy that.

Words: 9343

Relationships: The Kambal/Reader (Crispin/Reader/Basilio)

Warnings: Adult content, alcohol, brief scene of sexual harassment

Author’s Notes: God, the fandom is so thirsty for the Kambal, and so am I. Finally, some Filipino himbo representation.

The premise is: Hannah and Amie decides to play matchmaker. Hilarity ensues. Smut ensues. Please be nice, I based the characterizations of the character on the Netflix series and Trese wiki pages since I couldn't get my hands on the original comics yet oof. Some words, like terms of endearment and curse words, will remain in Filipino. Translations are provided. Reader is AFAB and is referred to with female pronouns.

Reposting this from AO3 with all three chapters in one post. A Filipino (Taglish) translation is in the works!

You don’t know how they managed to convince you, to be honest.

You rarely ever go out at night anymore. So many strange incidents transpire in Manila’s narrow streets. Just recently, you’ve heard of a new story about a tikbalang who allegedly participated in illegal street races.

So when your roommates and friends Amie and Hannah invited you for a night out, you hesitated. You gave them every excuse you can think of; you needed to do laundry, you needed to study, you needed to finish a project, and so on.

You know that the two of them are wind people, but you can’t help but think. Which of the various stories you had been hearing are real? What else in this world you haven’t witnessed yet?

“Aw, you’re such a buzzkill! Pretty please? You don’t go out with us as often. Enjoy yourself a little,” Amie whines, lying on the sofa of your living room.

On the other hand, Hannah turns to you with a mischievous grin on her face. “C’mon, get dressed already,” she commanded. “There are some total hotties we’d like you to meet! One of them might catch your eye!”

“I told you, I don’t need a relationship. You two try this every week. How do you even know so many people?” you retort, laughing softly at yourself.

“Well, our night lives are active,” Hannah retorted. “Don’t forget our sex lives!” the other added. Hearing those words, you felt your face get flushed with heat.

You needed a good fuck.

“Damn it, fine! As long as you pay for me.”

They finally got you to say yes.

As the night went on, you went to several bars, and you swore that you had explored every crevice of the city. It doesn’t help that the guy Amie and Hannah were with, a tall, dark and handsome man with flowing locks of black hair, drove like a demon. You got around quickly in no time.

Around an hour after midnight, you’re all exhausted from a night of dancing and mingling. None of the people your friends introduced to you caught your attention. At that point, you just wanted a stiff drink to unwind.

Voicing it to your drinking buddies, they nod in agreement.

“I know just the place, in Malate,” the man you’re with said. “Quiet. Discreet. I can take you there, if you want.”

“You mean The Diabolical, right? Let’s go! Text Crispin and Basilio, they might be hangin’ there too,” Amie croons.

A chuckle escapes your lips upon hearing their names. “Huh? Were they named after the characters in Jose Rizal’s novel?”

“I think so? Whatever! But seriously though… Those two can totally make you scream their names louder than Sisa ever did! Best lay I ever had!”

The remark made you laugh so hard, you swore you can be heard in the next city. “What the fuck! Amie, gaga ka, Sisa was their mom! The context of that scene was rough.”

Hannah’s mischievous grin spreads on her face once more, and she gently elbows your side. “Well, if you’re lucky, in this context you’d be crying their names while your eyes roll to the back of your head.”

You’ll never admit it, but you had hoped all their teasing would come true.

It didn’t take long for the four of you to reach your destination. As you enter The Diabolical, a strange chill envelopes you. The air feels different inside; it’s almost as if you stepped in a different world. Perhaps it’s the alcohol, but when you looked around, you saw a duwende sitting by the bar. Or was it called a nuno? At the end of the bar, you saw them; two men both dressed in black suits. One has short hair, while the other one has longer, reaching past his shoulders. However, they’re facing away from you. Only the back of their head and part of their cheeks were visible where you stood.

You snapped out of it when the man you three are with spoke up. “I’m gonna call it a night. Have fun, you three.”

“For real? Wow Maliksi, this is the first time I ever saw you wanting to leave early. Aren’t you gonna stop by and say hi to Alex?” Hannah asks him.

“Maybe next time,” Maliksi answers back, a somber expression on his face. “Oh em gee, did you two fight? Wait, what are you two?” Amie asks.

“Whatever. It’s complicated. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Your friends nodded and let Maliksi be. He waves at your group, and heads out the door. The engine of his car roars to life, and his car screeches away.

As the car moved farther away though, it seems that the screeching of the tires turned into hoofbeats.

Perhaps it’s just your imagination.

“Amie! Hannah! Have a drink! Hey, who’s that with you? Is that the person you’ve been wanting us to meet for ages now?”

Your head turns to where the voice was coming from; one of the men in the suits, the one with short hair in particular. You finally had a good look on their faces.

Twins?

“Crispin! Meet our friend! This is…”

As Amie and Hannah introduce you to the Twins, you can’t help but stare. You took the sight of their features in; they’re tall, with broad shoulders, and hard muscle underneath that black suit and white tie ensemble. They have wide noses with a high bridge, prominent bone structure, and a prominent widow’s peak.

Merciful Bathala, they’re gorgeous.

What caught your attention the most are their eyes. They're pitch black, save for the small reflection of light.

Are these people even human?

“Stare at them like that any longer and they might melt,” Amie teases. The two of your friends are giving you an ear-splitting grin due to your reaction to the Twins.

“I, uh-” you stuttered, and you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

“Hey, don’t be shy. You can sit between us, miss. We’re all friends here,” the twin with the longer hair says. If the other one is Crispin, then this must be Basilio.

Behind you, your friends are already giggling. They took their places next to the twins and leaned on their biceps. Across from you, the bartender comes to take your order.

“What’ll it be, kid?” he asks.

For some reason, you’re panicking. Maybe it’s because of the alcohol in your system. Or maybe it’s because you’re sandwiched between the twins. “Uh, what would you recommend, manong?”

Laughter erupted from the twins. “Hank, she called you manong!” Basilio teases while grinning like a fucking dog. “Geez, are you really that old?” Crispin eggs him on, giving him a shit-eating grin. Hank takes a wet rag he uses to wipe down the countertop and strikes the two down. “You goddamn assholes!”

You couldn’t stop yourself from laughing with them.

“Ow! Alright, we’re sorry, we’re sorry. Get them the best seller, Hank. We’ll pay for their tab,” Basilio says, and Hannah and Amie squeals with joy.

“Oh em gee, you boys are so sweet! Thank youuu!”

As Hank prepares you a drink, you try conversing with the twins. “You two seem fun to have as drinking buddies.”

Hank turns around to reach a bottle from the shelf. “Those two are mischievous little shits, that’s for sure. You know, when these two were kids...”

“Hey man, don’t embarrass us like that in front of our new friend,” Crispin whines.

While the three continues fucking around, you leaned back slightly to glimpse at Amie, who was trying to get your attention for a while now. She points to her phone, and you fetch yours from your bag.

You read your group chat with them. “Soooo, do you like, like them?” Hannah’s message said.

“You’re into them aren’t you? You got so shy around them, it’s so cute!” Amie’s message said.

“Right? It’s rare to see you so flustered!”

You typed away furiously at your phone, cautious to not let the twins beside you see the conversation.

“Well, they’re an improvement from the ones you introduced me to earlier. Easier on the eyes, too…”

Your friends giggled, and as their drinks arrived, they stood up. “Girl, we’re gonna leave you with them, there’s some super hot tikbalangs who just came in the bar. Byeeee!”

“Hey, wait!”

They didn’t heed your words and went to sit on the tikbalangs’ laps.

Fuck, tikbalangs are real? Is Maliksi a tikbalang too?

“And off they go, flirting with those beasts after they’ve used us for drinks,” Crispin laments, voice dripping with light-hearted sarcasm.

“It’s not like it’s the first time we got used by them though,” Basilio adds, cringing.

You can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, I’ve heard.”

Basilio’s head whips towards you, sweat gathering on his brow. “Seriously?! Shit, what did they say about us?”

“All good things, don’t you worry,” you answered.

“Nah, I need to hear what they said word for word,” the twin with long hair responds. “This is making me paranoid!”

Crispin moves closer to you, Basilio puts a friendly arm around your shoulder, and you can only smile. All of you are inebriated and if you were sober, and if someone else dared to get this close to you, you might’ve slapped them. But you feel good about the Twins, and your roommates never put you in harm’s way, so your trust for them extended to the brothers, somehow.

“Just tell us already,” Crispin slurs. “Tell us what they said about us. We’re curious.”

“Fine, fine. Okay, Amie and Hannah mentioned your names when Maliksi suggested that we head here to drink. Then, I mentioned that your names came from Rizal’s novels.”

“Then Amie said,” you continued, pausing briefly to come up with an impression of your roommate’s speech. “‘Seriously though… Those two can totally make you scream their names louder than Sisa ever did! Best lay I ever had!’ Fuck, it was so messed up!”

“That’s messed up, alright,” Basilio sputters, his face a deep shade of crimson. “I’m this hot and those are the only details they can spare?!”

“Ok, but that Sisa joke was kind of funny though. But it was still fucked up,” Crispin adds, and he takes a sip of his drink.

“Hold your horses, the story’s not done yet,” you say. You’re starting to feel more confident around the two.

Your conversation went places, until you found yourselves drinking until three in the morning, and at that point, it’s only just the four of you in the bar; Hank, the Twins, and you. Even Hannah and Amie are nowhere to be seen. Knowing them, they probably took the tikbalangs they were flirting with back to your apartment.

They didn’t even wait for you. Looks like they’re really setting you up tonight. Maybe they wanted the apartment to themselves tonight, and they got exactly what they wanted.

You had planned on getting up to go to the restroom, but when you tried standing up, you almost fell from the chair. The Twins caught you before you landed face first against the floor.

“She’s had enough to drink,” Hank comments. They set you on a chair with a backrest. “How will she get home? We can’t send her off in a cab at this rate. The train doesn't run this late either.”

“Hannah left her behind too,” Crispin adds.

“Hey, how are we gonna deal with this?” Basilio asks. “We can get you home once we sober up a little. It’s fine if you-”

Basilio never got to finish what he was going to say, because you nodded off against his stomach, and puked your lunch out.

You don’t remember anything after that.

When you awaken, the sun is already high up, and the first thing that greets you is the fan in the ceiling. Your muscles are screaming at you, and your throat feels dry. Memories of last night came crashing back and you started sweating in horror. Maybe it’s just a drunken dream, but it felt all too real.

You were flirting with these gorgeous twins, had too much to drink, and at some point puked all over one of the twins’ shoes.

And now, you don’t know whose bedroom you are in. You check yourself, and you’re still wearing the same clothes, with nothing out of place. There are no bruises or marks on your body either. You looked around you, but there was no one else in the room.

The doors crack open slightly, and you see two pairs of void-black eyes.

“I… um… good morning?”

“It’s… already 2 in the afternoon,” one of them says. He has long hair. This one is the twin you threw up on.

“Why don’t you have some lunch?” the other one said.

You just nodded and said nothing else, ashamed of yourself. You threw up on one of them and now you’re eating at their table. You just wanted the ground to swallow you alive.

“Sorry for puking on you last night,” you near-whispered to Basilio after you swallowed your first bite of food.

The silence broke when Crispin roared with laughter, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. Meanwhile, Basilio was glaring daggers at his brother. He’s frowning like a child whose toy got taken from him. “Sure, keep laughing, kuya.”

“I’ll never show my face here again, I promise,” you say to them, hiding your face behind your hands.

“What’re you talking about? Forget about it. We’re friends now, right?” Basilio tells you, smiling. “But next time, vomit on my brother too.”

“No one’s throwing up because I won’t be allowing any of you to get wasted that bad ever again,” Hank announces as he enters the room with a carafe in his hand. “Bossing’s not gonna like it if the bar ends up smelling as bad as Basilio’s room. Here, have some coffee.”

“We should introduce you to bossing next time too. She’s not here at the moment,” Crispin adds. “Let’s do this again next week.”

The invitation made you smile, and you poured yourself a cup of coffee. You continued eating the rest of your meal.

“...my room doesn’t smell that, right?” Basilio asks after a few moments of silence.

“Gago, it stinks so bad. It’s why we made the guest stay at my room, because if she stayed at yours she could’ve died from how bad it is,” Crispin exclaims. “Seriously, how can you live with bringing women to your room at that point?”

“Kuya, you’re embarrassing me to our guest!”

Translations for non-Filipino speaking folks:

bossing: a somewhat affectionate way to say “boss”. Comes from the old tradition of adding -eng or -ing to ones name to make a nickname, e.g. Luciana - Lucing

Gago/gaga (ka): (you) idiot/moron - someone stupid, foolish or ignorant

Tikbalang: creature from Filipino mythology similar to a centaur. They are hulking beasts with a horse's head.

manong: a term for endearment to an elderly male relative, or elderly men in general. Originally an Ilokano term referring to the first born son in a nuclear family.

kuya: big brother. Can be used to refer to one's own older brother, someone else's older brother, or an older peer or male acquaintance.

Author’s Notes: This chapter was heavily inspired by Bita and the Botflies' song Manghuhula.

Warnings: brief scene of sexual harrassment

After washing up, the Twins accompanied you to the gate, exchanging glances at each other behind your back. Little did they know, you definitely noticed it.

“Wait,” Basilio says, tapping your shoulder lightly with a large hand.

Crispin takes his phone out of his pocket. His younger brother proceeds to do the same. “Give us your phone. We’ll add our numbers, and you can text us if something happens,” he says.

“Or when you get home safe,” Basilio adds.

You look at the two of them back and forth. “This isn’t just an elaborate excuse for the two of you to get my number, right?”

Neither of the two spoke, giving each other a nervous glance.

Their reaction made you laugh out loud, and you took out your phone from your bag. “Here. I’ll give you my Facespace too.”

With the tension broken, the three of you exchange a chuckle. You punch in your number in their phones, while they did the same to yours. Crispin looks over his brother’s shoulder and frowns.

“Epal,” Crispin says to his brother, snatching your phone away from him. The older twin types something in, and it’s the younger one’s turn to stick his nose in. Basilio attempts to get the phone back, cursing all the time.

“You’re going to break her phone, gago,” the older twin curses, pushing a palm against Basilio’s face. “Then let it go! You’re the epal, I wasn’t done yet,” the younger one snaps back.

You give them a look of irritation, and check out what they’re arguing about.

“What the hell are you two grown-ass men fighting about?” you ask as you butt in to look at what they’re doing.

A loud snort bubbles from you as you see it; Basilio added “the hot twin” next to his contact name. Crispin added “the hotter twin”. Now, the former wanted to outdo his older brother.

Against your better judgment, you say, “You’re twins. You look like each other. You’re both hot. Now stop fighting over my phone.”

Perhaps it’s the afternoon heat, but there is a tinge of red in their cheeks after your remark. You waved them goodbye as you got in a tricycle that’ll get you to the nearest train station.

The MRT, in some strange miraculous twist of fate, isn’t as packed as usual. It’s still populated, but there were a few seats waiting to be taken. You sit down somewhere away from direct sunlight, and you take out your phone to tell Hannah and Amie that you’re on the way home.

The first thing you see is a text from Basilio. Then, a text from Crispin. You tell them both that you’re on the train now, completely forgetting about messaging your roommates. To pass the time, you launch the Facespace app and decide to look up their profiles, only to find out that they’ve already sent you a friend request.

Upon seeing Crispin’s profile, you did your damn best to stifle a laugh.

His work description says “works at the Krusty Krab,” but that wasn’t the craziest thing about his profile. At first, the Bible verse in his bio caught you off guard, thinking that someone like him didn’t seem religious, but when you quickly looked up “Ezekiel 23:20,” you did your best not to howl with laughter.

Basilio’s isn’t any better.

In his work description, he put “Model at For Her Magazine,” and “edi sa puso mo.” Then you scroll down to see a thirst trap of him pulling his shirt up with his teeth, and you can feel the heat rising to your cheeks again. Well, at least that work description is believable.

They’re- what was that term your younger university friends were using again?- himbos.

They’re definitely himbos.

Arriving at your place, you slot your key inside the doorknob and twist. As you enter the door, the heavy, musky scent of sex and sweat hits your face, and you regret getting too wasted last night and losing your chance to hook up with one of the Twins.

Or both.

Both?

Regardless, at least they’ve invited you again to hang out next week.

You raise your eyebrow and cross your arms at the scene before you. Cans of beer litter the living room, and your roommates are taking a nap by the couch. A tikbalang comes out of the bathroom, glamor off, and you snort as you watch him duck under the door frame because of his massive height.

“It’s already four in the afternoon. Time to go, big guy.”

He nods awkwardly in acknowledgment, morphing into his human disguise, and exiting your apartment.

You sit between your roommates, rousing them from their sleep. “I’m not going to clean this mess up,” you tell them, motioning to the trashed state of the living room, and reaching for the remote to turn the TV on. You just want to take a shower afterwards and sleep in your own bed tonight.

After rubbing the sleep from their eyes, your roommates near-tackles you on the couch, a curious, excited look on their faces. You forgot all about what you were watching and stared at them in surprise.

“So how did it go? Did you get to hook up with any of them?” Amie asks.

“Or both of them?” Hannah adds.

“Gaga, nothing like that happened.”

The two of them let you go with disappointed looks on their faces. “So sayang! Here we were thinking you finally have a sex life,” one of them says as you lean back on the backrest, closing your eyes as they continue to pester you for details.

“Why are you two so determined to get me to screw someone?” you finally snapped, amused and irked at the same time.

“Because you’ve been doing nothing but totally stressing yourself out! See how super fun it is to let go every now and then?”

“Thanks for the new drinking buddies, girls, but I have my fingers to keep me company. Hookups are too much work,” you lie to them, eyes still closed.

“That’s a toe-curling, full-body orgasm you’re missing out on, girl!”

“That’s assuming that the person I’m with knows what they’re doing,” you retorted.

One of them pokes your side with an elbow, and you assume it’s Hannah. “The Twins do.”

You opened your eyes, and you guessed right; it’s Hannah. You give her a look, before rolling your eyes, appearing to look disinterested. The smirk tugging at the edge of your lips says otherwise, though.

“So what happened last night?” Amie asks.

“I got wasted and threw up on Basilio’s shoes. Then, I ended up sleeping in Crispin’s room. When I woke up, they fed me and sent me home,” you tell them. Your roommates giggle at the story.

“Ah, speaking of which, I gotta let them know I got home,” you said off-hand, and somehow the remark only spurred your wind people roommates on.

“Yieee, you’re friends with them on Facespace already!” Amie quips, leaning in to see what you’re typing. Playfully, you move your phone away from her to conceal what you’re typing.

“Make a group chat with them!” Hannah exclaims, taking your phone away from you. You tried taking it back, but Amie joins in the mischief and blocks you from doing so.

When you got your phone back, the deed was done, and the chat was renamed to a single eggplant emoji. The like button was replaced by an eggplant emoji too.

Panicking, you add your roommates to the group to avoid looking suspicious, and swiftly type up a defense.

“Please ignore that, Hannah made this chat using my account.”

The teasing never stopped after that.

Weeks passed and you never bothered to change it, though.

It’s been about two months since your first encounter with the Twins. You’re becoming a familiar face at The Diabolical, going every Saturday to see them. Sometimes Hannah and Amie didn’t accompany you anymore. You’ve met the Twins’ bossing a few times, who turned out to be none other than Alexandra Trese. You’ve heard of her exploits and the two imposing bodyguards who were almost always with her. It surprised you that they’re none other than the Twins you knew, but it made perfect sense. Those two were jacked, and those muscles aren’t only for show.

Of course, because of your increasing presence in the bar, it didn’t take long for the rumors to circulate. Word on the street is both of the Twins had a thing for you, and neither is making a move out of consideration for the other. They are waiting for you to move.

You elected to ignore them, perfectly happy with your arrangement of having two handsome men to keep you company while you unwind. The thought of getting together with one of them, or even both of them did cross your mind a few times, however.

Ultimately, you wouldn’t know what to do if the day comes that you’ll have to confront how you feel and choose between the two.

Do you have to?

Crispin and Basilio are twins, but they’re distinct from each other. The older is more serious, with a dryer sense of humor, while the younger is goofier, and somewhat softer. One complements the other, and they’re both good company despite their differences.

Speak of the devil. Your phone buzzes and you see that the eggplant chat is active. The Twins are inviting you to The Diabolical again.

“See you guys at eight,” you type in. Someone reacts with an eggplant to your message. Then the next few messages were nothing but eggplant emojis, followed by Basilio sending “#TeamTalong”. Crispin cusses him out for it, but sends the same message right after.

Yeah, that became a thing among the five of you.

You and the wind girls got dressed and took a taxi to the bar, your favorite jacket draped over your shoulders. Pressured by your roommates, you wore something nicer tonight; a black faux leather dress that hugs your figure deliciously. The shiny fabric added to the effect. The six bottles of Pulang Tikbalang beer the three of you shared before going out might’ve contributed to your newfound bravado.

But now that you’re actually wearing it outside your apartment, you feel a little reluctant.

“Maybe wearing this is a bad idea,” you mutter to no one in particular, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear out of self-consciousness.

Amie taps you from behind. “Oh hush, that outfit is totally sexy,” she comments. “Finally ready to get dicked down tonight, girl?”

“Shhh, gaga ka, manong driver can hear you.”

That didn’t deter them from making more inappropriate comments, much to the manong's ire.

It’s nine already when you get there, you’re in the Philippines after all. The merriment is already in full swing when you step through the door. Hannah and Amie went ahead and sat next to their lay of the week. The Twins wave you over from their usual spot, but before you can reach them, a man you’ve never seen before tries to get your attention, snaking an arm around your waist.

“Hey baby. You’re a regular here, right? Want to drink with me?”

“Sorry, I’m here with someone else,” you tell him, moving away.

“Ah, here to see the Twins? Why don’t you ditch them for a change of pace and come with me, babe?”

“Not interested,” you flat out said. “Please move, or I’ll make you move.”

To your surprise, the man drops his glamor and reveals himself to be a kapre. He looms over you, cigar in his mouth, and you can feel the tension rising. People are starting to stare, and your friends took notice of it too.

“Try,” he huffs, puffing smoke to your face. You give him a sour glare while trying not to cough.

Before your roommates or the Twins could come to your aid, you panicked and saw an empty bottle of Pulang Tikbalang on a nearby table. Emboldened by the alcohol in your veins, you shatter the bottle and point the jagged edge at the hulking beast, hands shaking. You are a tiny thing compared to the enormous creature before you, after all.

“Don’t you dare look down on me.”

“Already doing that, honey.”

“I’m not your honey,” you say as you press the edge against his stomach, not enough to draw blood, but hard enough to hurt.

“I love it when they fight back,” the kapre croons.

Under the haze of alcohol, you were more than ready to shove the edge in, consequences be damned.

Before things could escalate, Crispin takes the broken bottle off of your hands and steers you away from the stranger, while Basilio steps in to defuse the tension. “Hey, why don’t you back off, pal? Our friend said no. You wouldn’t want us to tell our bossing to ban you from the place because of this misunderstanding now, don’t you?”

Heart in your throat, you turn to the Twins, then to the kapre. The tree giant pauses, looking at the three of you, then smirks.

“Heh. Fine. But if you torpe whelps don’t make a move, I will.”

The giant puts his glamor back on and skulks away.

“Wow, what a jerk! He only left you alone when the boys stepped in,” Hannah quips, tossing her hair in indignation.

“You almost didn’t need rescuing, but I’d hate to help Hank mop the blood off the floor later,” Basilio comments, nudging you gently with an elbow. His eyes go a little lower from your face, and you see him look away.

You realized Crispin hasn’t let go of you yet.

“C’mon, let’s just go,” you tell everyone. Crispin proceeds to remove his hand away from your shoulder, and you take your usual seats by the bar.

The bar is loud, but the silence between the three of you is deafening. Even Hank seems to have taken notice, eyeing your usually loud and cheerful group.

“What’s up with you three? What happened back there?” the older man asks, leaning over the bar top.

“Just a handsy kapre who couldn’t take no for an answer. I won’t let it spoil the night,” you answer him.

“That’s the spirit. Holler if he tries something like that again, I’ll have him kicked out,” Hank replies, setting down three ice-cold beers in front of you guys.

Yet somehow, the conversation never livened up.

Three bottles of Pulang Tikbalang later, you’ve had enough.

“This is about what that kapre said, isn’t it?” you finally say, slightly pissed.

The Twins look at each other with guilty expressions, and simultaneously nod.

“Do you boys wanna talk about it?”

They look at each other again. “Shit, this is awkward,” Crispin comments, scratching his head. Basilio nods in agreement, uncharacteristically silent. “We didn’t want to pressure you into anything you didn’t want to do,” the older twin continues.

“Look, I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my kuya just because we’re interested in the same girl,” Basilio says. “Same here,” Crispin adds.

“So we were waiting for you to make your own move,” Basilio continues.

“Ah. So the rumors are true,” you sighed.

“We’ll accept whatever outcome there is. If you choose me, or Basilio, or neither because this is fucking messy, we totally get it,” the older twin says, leaning back to stare at the ceiling.

Now the decision rests in your hands.

“Why don’t we talk about this somewhere more private?” you ask them.

You watch as both of them gulp. “Where do you wanna talk?” Basilio asks.

“Anywhere private.”

“I just cleaned my room earlier. Why don’t we continue this there?”

You nod, and they lead you away from the bar.

Looks like it’s going to be a long night.

Translations for non-Filipino speakers:

epal: in Filipino slang, usually refers to a person who inappropriately presents himself in a situation or butts into a conversation.

kapre: a tree-giant from Filipino mythology. Often described as very tall, dark, and hairy. Almost never seen without a cigar.

sayang: literally means waste. Can be used alone as an expression similar to "what a waste!"

torpe: someone who cannot spit their romantic or sexual feelings out to a crush or love interest

III

Author’s Notes:

Warnings: Smut. Filthy smut. Writer-is-definitely-going-to-the-second-circle-of-the-Seven-Circles-of-Hell-levels-of-filthy smut. Bawal bata, tulog na. If you're under 18 please turn back.

After the door closes behind the three of you, you sit on the bed, while Crispin sits on a chair near his brother’s desk. Basilio locks the door, and leans against it, unable to look at you.

“Right. So. How are we going to deal with this?” you ask them, crossing your legs.

“Don’t ask us,” Crispin says, swiveling the chair to face you. “You’re the one caught in the middle after all.”

Curse his choice of words.

“This is too weird,” Basilio speaks up. “If you want me to unlock the door, just say the word. We can walk out of this like nothing happened.”

“And then what? Things are going to be awkward between the three of us, I just know it,” you say to him, palming the back of your neck. “Things might get awkward with Amie and Hannah too, and I live with them. I don’t want our tropa to disband just because of relationship drama.”

“What about Amie and Hannah? Is it because we have history with those two?” Crispin asks.

“They’ve been trying to set me up with either of you. The fact that they also slept with you in the past also doesn’t help. Shit, this is messy.”

“Er, um,” Basilio stutters. “That might’ve been our fault.”

You furrow your brow and cross your arms. “Keep going.”

The Twins look at each other, as if gauging who should explain the situation. “So, we remained in contact after being used as a prize for bossing’s race with Maliksi, right?” Crispin starts.

“Uh huh.”

“Well, they mentioned a third roommate in passing and joked about lending us to her. Of course we blew them off, then Amie showed us a picture of you. We got curious and asked them to introduce you,” Basilio continues.

“I didn’t expect us five to become friends. And now we’re in this mess,” Crispin adds.

You look at them back and forth, and laugh in resignation. Elbows digging against your lap and palms pressed against your face, you rub your face and run it through your hair. “Amazing. Just amazing. See, I have a problem too.”

The Twins didn’t respond, eyes fixated on you.

“I like the two of you.”

You feel the air shift around you. Basilio’s standing upright by the door now, and Crispin straightened up too. The room is so quiet, you can hear them gulp in anticipation for what will happen next.

“There. I said it. The reason why I haven’t made a move at all is because of this exact moment that I was dreading. I didn’t want to choose,” you admit, feeling the blood rush to your head. “I just wanted for us three to stay like that, drinking buddies sprinkled with sexual tension.”

“And you’re in the middle, enjoying our attention,” Crispin says, crossing his arms.

“Selfish, I know,” you admit, head hanging low.

This is it, the moment that can make or break you three.

“Us three. If only...” you whisper, only for the words to fall flat on your tongue

You stand up, gathering your things and carrying your bag. “Nevermind. What a mess we’re in. I’ll go so you two can sort things out between the two of you. It’s been a fun ride.”

Basilio doesn’t move from the door, and behind you, you can hear Crispin getting up from his seat.

“We can still make this work, right kuya?” Basilio starts, looking over your head to give his brother a knowing look.

“Yeah, I think so,” Crispin replies. “What was that you said? The three of us?”

Your eyes widen, and you look at them back and forth. Their bodies are dangerously close to yours. Now you’re literally caught in the middle.

“I- uh…”

“I think we can work out an arrangement,” Basilio whispers, one hand moving to hold yours.

“Only if you want to,” Crispin adds, his breath kissing the back of your neck.

“I don’t want to lose either of you,” Basilio adds.

“Same here.”

Damn it all.

Giving in to your darkest, most hidden desires, you lean in to capture Basilio’s lips with yours, leaving his black eyes wide open in surprise. They flutter close, and he savors the kiss, slipping a tongue in. Then you turn to Crispin, and you give him the same sweet kiss as well.

“Damn, I didn’t mean like, now,” Basilio mutters, feeling the front of his trousers get tighter as he watches you make out with his brother.

Bringing your attention back to the younger twin, you loosen his tie, while you push out your ass to grind against Crispin. “Are you complaining?”

“Not at all.”

“Wait, are you sure about this? All of us drank tonight… we don’t want you to do something you’ll regret,” Crispin says, moving his hips away from you. Basilio pauses too, and wraps his hands around your wrists to still your hands, a look of concern on his face.

“Kuya’s right.”

“I’m a grown woman. I might’ve had a few bottles, but I know what I want,” you reassure them, waiting for the two to make a move. “I know I want you two for months.”

Basilio lets go of your hands and lets you do as you please, a cocky smirk on his lips. Behind you, you can feel Crispin’s gloved hands reaching for the zipper of your dress. “Really? How much do you want us? C’mon, say it,” Basilio asks, moving in to place kisses on your neck.

“I wanna hear it too,” Crispin whispers against your shoulder, and he punctuates it with a light kiss.

All of a sudden, you felt shy at the prospect of confessing your fantasies out loud. “Why don’t I just show you boys?”

“Oh no, you’re not getting out of this one,” Basilio teases. “Consider it as payback for throwing up all over my shoes.”

“You’re still- ah!- mad about that?” you ask him, gasping in the middle of doing so when you felt a hand snake between your legs from behind. The older twin slips his fingers past your underwear, circling your clit with slow strokes.

“Not mad, I just want things to be fair,” Basilio teases, pulling your dress down. He gives your breasts a squeeze, fondling and rolling your nipples until they harden, and he seals his lips over your right one. Crispin moves from behind you and he takes his place next to his twin, lathing his tongue over the left. All four of their hands pawed at your flesh greedily.

You were at a loss for words because of how good they’re making you feel, soft moans bubbling from your throat.

“Speechless already, huh?” Crispin mumbles against your skin.

“Ngh! The wind girls weren’t lying, you two know what you’re doing,” you gasped, face flushed as you watched the Twins lavish their attention on your breasts.

“Shhh, stop changing the subject. Play along, or neither of us will make you cum,” he adds, pausing to give you a teasing lick, and resting his tongue on top of the hardened bud. On the other hand, Basilio is sucking like a starved babe while squeezing your still clothed behind.

You fake a scoff of indignation and grin. “Fine. I- oh fuck- want you two so much, I’ve been fantasizing for weeks.”

Basilio pauses to address you. “Describe them.”

You’re a little mortified, but the alcohol in your system pushes you to be bolder. “I imagined Basilio punishing me for ruining his shoes.”

“And how did he do that?” Crispin’s voice.

“He asked me to suck him off,” you start, and a pinch on your bottom from the subject of your fantasy tells you that he wanted to hear more details. “He fucked my face while pulling my hair and told me how good I was the whole time and that he forgave me.”

“What about me? What fantasies did you have?” Crispin asks again.

Your breath hitched in your throat but you pushed on. “Hearing how you scolded Basilio, I imagined you taking me from behind and saying the meanest, dirtiest things possible.”

The Twins looked at each other, and stopped, their lips leaving your breasts with a lewd pop. “You want to make them all come true?” Basilio asks.

Cheeks burning, you give them a curt nod.

The two of them lead you to the bed, where Crispin puts you on all fours, and he takes his place from behind. On the other hand, Basilio is standing near the edge of the bed, the bulge in his pants inches away from your face. You stare at it, licking your lips.

As you undid Basilio’s pants, he shrugs off his suit jacket and takes off his tie, then he takes off his dress shirt, revealing his abs and the trail of dark hair on his lower abdomen, disappearing into his briefs. From behind, you hear fabric shifting, then Crispin peels your panties off of you. He brings a gloved hand against your skin in a loud smack, making you cry out.

“Ah, wait, we need a safeword,” Crispin mentions, soothingly squeezing your skin.

“What about Eternos?” Basilio suggests, and Crispin cocks an eyebrow. “Wait, you mean, like the game?”

You stifle a laugh. “I’m fine with it,” you say to them, and they take it as a signal to continue.

The older twin dips a gloved finger between your folds, gathering your wetness, and tsked. “Look at you, already so fucking wet. You want this so much, huh?”

You nod frantically, then Basilio stills your head. “Open your mouth, baby. Tongue out.”

You oblige, and Basilio fishes his cock out of his briefs. Your eyes grow wider as you take in the sight of it; girthy, with a nice length, and a few veins running on the underside. You wonder if Crispin’s is the same. The twin in front of you lightly smacks his member against your tongue, and you proceed to lick it, running from the base to the tip, slicking it with saliva. You swirl your tongue around it, then try to slide it in your mouth as smoothly as possible.

As Basilio begins to breathe harder with each bob of your head, Crispin pulls your ass towards his face, and a choked moan escapes your lips as you feel his mouth on your heat, toying with your folds before he finally finds that sensitive nub. The older twin proceeds to lick and suck at it, eating you out like you’re the best damn meal of his life.

Meanwhile, you push a palm against Basilio’s thigh to make him pause, and before he can ask you if you’re fine, you take his balls in your mouth and fondle him with your tongue. Your hand pumps his neglected cock as you did so.

“Shit! Your mouth feels so damn good,” he hisses, breathing hard. When you take his dick back into your mouth, Basilio gathers your hair and uses it as a handle, watching his length disappear in your mouth over and over, his black eyes hazy with lust and his mouth whispering words of praise.

Crispin looks at his brother with a hint of envy, cock painfully hard against his trousers. He unzips it for relief, and proceeds to stroke himself as he continues to prepare you.

“Hey, Basilio, got any lube?”

“Um, there’s- ungh- a bottle of it under the pillow.”

“...you keep lube under your pillow? What the- and condoms? Can’t you put them in your drawers or something?”

Basilio doesn’t give his brother a response and focuses his attention on you. You gasp against his cock as you felt a cold, gloved hand prod against your asshole, and goosebumps formed on your flesh as you felt the cold lubricant smearing against your entrance. Crispin pushes his lubed thumb in, and you cry out in pleasure, your jaw opening wider for Basilio to claim. Then, two more fingers prod at your pussy, and you swear you can see stars as they slid in. The older twin toys with you while eating you out, and you feel a knot forming at the base of your stomach, threatening to uncoil at any moment.

You couldn’t take it. Basilio’s cock slides out of your mouth and you look over your shoulder, moaning and panting.

Crispin pauses from eating you out to ask you a question. “You’re gonna cum? You wanna cum on my fingers like the filthy slut you are?”

“Yes, please, please, let me cum,” you begged, and with a devilish smirk, Crispin dives right back in to finish the job.

You squeezed your eyes shut as the pleasure inside you exploded, shameless moans coming from your throat as your first orgasm hits you. Basilio watches the look of pleasure on your face as Crispin makes you cum, making his cock twitch.

“Now that’s how you please a woman,” Crispin teases, shooting his brother a challenging look while wiping your juices off of his face.

“Wait until it’s my turn,” Basilio replies, smirking.

Panting, legs wobbling, you didn’t get to rest as Crispin takes his cock and slides it in you. In front of you, Basilio cups your face and directs you back to his cock, smirking. “You’re doing so well, baby. You’re taking us like a champ, you know that?”

“Fuck,” Crispin hisses from behind you. “You like this, you little slut? You like being fucked by two cocks at the same time?” he asks you, each word punctuated with a hard thrust.

Now you’re really caught in the middle.

Basilio’s panting heavily now, his thrusts becoming erratic against your mouth. You know he’s close, and you brace yourself for what’s coming. Eyes screwed shut, he lets out a low groan as he spills inside of your mouth, his cum painting your tongue white. You try to swallow it all, but a few stray drops dribble down your chin. The younger twin cleans you up, and kisses you deeply, not minding his taste on your mouth. He sits on the bed to catch his breath, and allows you to rest on his thighs.

Behind you, Crispin begins to rut faster, his thumb still in your ass as he pounded you. You writhe and cry against Basilio’s lap, bracing yourself from each harsh thrust. The younger twin pets your hair, but he moves his hand away when Crispin pushes your head against his brother’s lap.

“Take it all of it,” Crispin groans. “Ungh, you make me so horny, you little slut.”

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Basilio gets an idea.

“Hey, kuya. Hold her up.”

Crispin blinks before obliging his brother’s request, clamping a hand around your throat. “Is this fine?” he asks you, and you nod a few times. He tightens his hold and pulls you to his toned chest, your hair sticking to his skin from your sweat. Basilio kisses you, then latches on one of your breasts. One gloved hand fondles and pulls at your nipples, while the other moves south to stroke you.

“Ah! I think I’m gonna cum again…” you choked, face red and tears forming at the edge of your eyes.

“Say our names,” Crispin whispers against your ear in a low growl.

You mutter their names at first, but it turns to full blown cries as your climax fast approaches.

“Crispin! Basilio!”

It hits you so hard, your eyes roll to the back of your head. You cried shamelessly, and Crispin places a kiss on your open mouth, tongue slipping in and teeth clashing with yours. He pulls out and finishes on your back, cock resting between the valley of your cheeks, still half-hard.

The Twins move to clean you up, looking around for tissues and anything to wipe you with.

“So,” Basilio says. “One more round?”

Your eyes widen, and you look down to see that Basilio is hard again.

“How- what the fuck? What are you two?”

Crispin sighs. “Hannah and Amie never told you? We’re demigods.”

“We don’t get sick and our injuries heal really fast. Talagbusao is our dad,” Basilio adds, and you give him a disbelieving glare.

“You didn’t need to let that last detail slip out, gago,” Crispin berates him as he pulls you close to his muscular chest. He lay down on a pillow, one arm propping his head up.

After a few seconds of silence, you say something. “At least let me have some water first.”

“Right.”

The Twins stare at each other.

“One of us has to fetch it,” Crispin says.

“What? Why me?” Basilio complains, scratching his head.

“Because I’m older, and I’ve worked hard to give her two orgasms in a row.”

“Hey! I’m sure that last one was thanks to me.”

You groan, grabbing a pillow to cover your face. “Ugh, please don’t turn this into a competition about who made me cum the most. Just get me my water, pretty please, Basilio?”

At the request, Basilio smiles and dresses haphazardly to get it for you. “Don’t start without me.”

You close your eyes with a smile. Crispin buries his face against your hair and plays with it. “You have him wrapped around your finger, you know?”

You chuckle at the remark, and Crispin kisses your temple. “Just don’t hurt my little brother.”

“I have no intention of hurting either of you,” you tell him.

Basilio comes back with a pitcher and some glasses, and once everyone’s hydrated and ready, the night continues.

The Twins spoil you with their attention, hands roaming your body as they planted kisses on your skin. Basilio sucks on your collarbone, biting experimentally and leaving marks that would darken in the morning, which draws a whine from your throat. Not wanting to be outdone, Crispin kisses your back, then the back of your neck, and he found a sweet spot that made you moan at that place where your ear connects to your neck. Basilio observes this and does the same to the other side.

“Hey, um, can I do it in your ass?” Crispin whispers in your ear, almost sheepishly, and you stare at him for a few seconds before nodding.

“Sure. Be gentle. And use a condom.”

“Of course. You go on top. What’s our safeword again?” he asks you, testing your knowledge.

You roll your eyes and try not to laugh. “Eternos.”

“Good girl,” Basilio says.

Flipping yourself around, you lean into Crispin’s lap. “Here, let me help,” you say as you grasp his cock and start to pump. The younger twin behind you reaches for the lube and prepares your ass. You sigh with pleasure as you feel the cold sensation of the product on your skin. Crispin sighs as you slide his length between your lips, head bobbing up and down, and you feel him grow inside your mouth. You give the tip a small lick before doing the same thing you did to Basilio, cupping his balls with your mouth and fondling them with your tongue.

“I want you now,” Crispin rasps, tugging your hair to get you off of him.

You smirk, turning around to give him a great view of your ass. He reaches around for a condom, finds one, and tears the foil open. After sliding the rubber down his shaft, he positions himself against your hole, pressing against the tight ring of muscle. You wince in pain as he starts penetrating you, prompting him to squeeze more lube to relieve your discomfort.

“Relax,” Basilio instructs you, planting soothing kisses at your jaw. You did as he said and unclenched your muscles, entrusting yourself to the two of them.

As Crispin pushes past the ring of muscle, you sigh in relief, discomfort replaced with the feeling of fullness. You lean back into his hard chest, a soft sigh leaving your lips as he starts to move. Meanwhile, Basilio kneels between your legs, rubbing your clit with the head of his dripping cock, but he freezes before he slides it in.

“What?” you ask with concern.

“We’re out of condoms.”

“Just pull out,” you tell him with a strained voice, gasping as Crispin moves inside you.

“No, you don’t understand. We’re demigods. Our… um.. Yeah, we’re really potent.”

You smirk at him. “I’ll ask the girls for something in the morning,” you say against your better judgment. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Cum all over me.”

His cock twitches at your last suggestion.

“Ugh, Basilio, you’re really killing the mood here,” Crispin strains to say, holding you gently by the neck. “I pulled out too, remember? Make up your mind already. I wouldn’t mind having her to myself for now, though.”

“Not a chance,” Basilio retorts, sliding the tip of his cock past your folds and pushing inside.

A loud cry rips from your throat at the sensations, feeling stuffed to the maximum as two cocks start to pump inside you. Crispin’s grip on your neck tightens, while you tangle your hands through Basilio’s hair, pulling him closer and kissing him.

Soon, The Twins find a steady rhythm, syncing their movement so you can feel the full force of their thrusts. Basilio throws one of your legs over his shoulder and begins to massage your clit with his thumb, while Crispin fondles your breasts with his free hand, using the tip of his fingers to roll, squeeze, and pull at your nubs. With every thrust they give, you clench, drawing a groan from both of them as they felt themselves being squeezed by your muscles.

“Oh God,” you whine. “Fuck, you both feel so good.”

“Say our names,” Basilio growls, and you oblige.

You chant their names like a prayer, underscored by the slapping of skin as the Twins fucked both of your holes. Hearing their names only spurred them on, and their movements became more desperate, sweat rolling off of your bodies.

“Basilio! Crispin!”

Underneath you, Crispin gropes at your breast harder, beads of sweat rolling off of his forehead and dripping to your skin. “Your ass feels too good, I’m gonna cum,” he hissed between clenched teeth, and you silently thank Bathala that he’s near his limit. The lube is starting to wash off.

With a few more rough thrusts, he cums, shooting inside the rubber. Crispin cups your jaw and kisses you, deep and sweet, tasting your tongue. You’re on the verge of climax now too, and you give Basilio a desperate look. He understood what you meant.

The younger twin thrusts harder and faster while still rubbing that sensitive nub between your legs furiously, and the older one helps by stimulating your nipples once again. The bombardment of sensation is too much, and you feel white hot heat racing through your body as you cum one last time, voice hoarse as a throaty moan escapes past your open mouth.

The spasm of your muscles is enough to send Basilio over the edge too, pulling out of you and spilling his load all over the mound of your pussy, and your stomach. You feel Crispin slip out of you too. Basilio leans in to kiss you, almost tenderly, but still full of desperation, tongue and teeth.

After a quick cleanup and another drink of water, the three of you lay in a heap of limbs, exhausted. Crispin doesn’t shift at all, content on letting you lie next to him, while Basilio moves next to you, effectively sandwiching you between the two of them on the narrow bed.

Everyone is sated, and with your eyes growing heavy, you wanted nothing but sleep.

“So, who’s better?”

You don’t know who said it, but you raised your hand to give him a middle finger. “Tangina niyo, you’re both good. End of discussion. Now please let me sleep.”

Thank Bathala that they did.

The next morning, all three of you wake up sweaty, stinking, and really, really hungry.

“Good morning to you two,” you sigh, snaking your arms around theirs. Each of them gave you a kiss on your temple. “Damn, I’m starving,” you said, sitting up. “Let’s take a shower and grab something to e-”

Underneath the three of you, the bed’s legs give out, and a loud thud can be heard throughout the house. As you three scramble for purchase, frantic footsteps are approaching, and the door bursts open.

“What was that? Crispin is missing from his room and-” Hank blurts, toting his good ol’ triple barrel shotgun "Ama, Anak, at, Espiritu Santo". Funnily enough, when he sees the tangle of limbs before him, he utters the same words and quickly turns away. Alexandra arrives shortly after, gives them a quick glance, and shuts the door.

Breakfast with their bossing is filled with a mortifying quiet.

You barely touch your food, embarrassment burning your cheeks, and you shoot a glance at your twin lovers.

“Next time, lock the door,” Alex finally says, getting up from the table with a coffee in her hands. She’s too fucking exhausted to deal with this.

“It’s Basilio’s fault!” Crispin yells after her. Basilio made no attempts to defend himself, knowing that he forgot to lock the door again after he came back with the water.

Grumbling, you finally take a bite of your breakfast, jacket draped over your shoulders despite the heat to hide the bruises on your body. “The girls are gonna have a field day when they see me like this.”

“I need to replace the bed,” Basilio mumbles, stuffing his mouth with rice.

The three of you looked at each other, and laughed.

“So, see you next week?” Crispin asks with a smile, and Basilio gives you a pleading, doe-eyed look.

“Yeah. See you two next week.”

Translations for non-English speakers:

tropa: ground of friends. People you chill with

tangina niyo: Filipino profanity. Roughly translates to "you sons of bitches"

Ama, Anak, at Espiritu Santo: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It’s Hank’s weapon’s actual name in the comics.

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