#and also torture lou

[teapartyprincess4two]

Carnal Desires- M. Sturniolo

pairing: girlfriend!reader x boyfriend!Matt

classification: smut

warnings: 18+, MDNI, literal sex, slight cursing, oral sex, established relationship, short, no use of y/n

inspiration: request, I put a big spin on this request lolol bc I’ve written car sex before and felt like we needed something different

summary: You join Matt and his family on a vacation, and get lost together while on a hike. Instead of freaking out, you two take advantage of the sudden alone time.

—

This vacation was supposed to be fun for you, full of laughter and adventures as you and Matt’s family explored the island and all it had to offer. You were looking forward to spending alone time with Matt in between the week’s packed schedule, maybe sneak in a session or two, but instead you were forced to share a room with Nick.

You love Nick and you wouldn’t mind sharing a room with him under any other circumstances, but all you wanted was quality time with your boyfriend. Mary Lou made the room arrangements, and although she knows you and Matt were having sex regularly, it wasn’t going to happen under her watch. So, instead of enjoying your time in paradise with your boyfriend, you’re being tortured and touch-starved.

Matt feels the same way every time he sees you wearing a bikini at the pool, a pair of shorts that hug you just right, or even when you’re eating and he watches your lips wrap around a fork. All he wants to do is drag you away and fuck you in the nearest secluded area, but he had to remind himself to keep his interactions with you family friendly.

This was going to be such a long trip to say the least.

—

“Watch your step, baby,” Matt instructs, pointing towards the rocks that litter the path ahead. You hated hiking, especially in the hot island sun, but the tour guide promised a waterfall at the end that you just couldn’t pass up. You offer Matt a kind smile, holding onto him for support as you trudge further and further up the mountain. His arm stiffens as he supports your weight, helping you push yourself up a large rock.

His eyes trail up your legs, the shorts you’re wearing riding up slightly and exposing your asscheek. All week he’s struggled to keep his hands off of you, especially with his family so close all the time. But they’re pretty far up the hiking trail, he wonders if he’ll have enough time to push you up against the rock, pull down your shorts, and finally fuck you.

He debates it for a while, chewing the inside of his lip to distract himself from the growing sensation in his pants, but he’s broken from his thoughts by your voice, “Matt c‘mon we’re gonna get lost out here!” You’re crouched at the edge of the rock, stretching an arm out for him which causes your top to fall forward just enough to expose the bikini you’re wearing underneath.

All he wants to do is rip it off and watch your tits bounce as you ride him. “I’m coming,” he grunts, taking a hold of your hand and using the other to push himself up. He’s sweaty and sunburnt, slowly becoming tired of this dumb hike. You can tell he’s becoming overwhelmed and annoyed, so you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Don’t be so grumpy,” you tease with a downturned smile, pecking his lips playfully. His jaw is clenched, trying to stretch his neck far enough for you to miss his mouth. Your lips fall on his jaw, feathering a few kisses down his neck teasingly. “C’mon baby, just a little smile,” you continue to tease, your breath tickling the skin of his neck.

A small chuckle finally escapes his mouth, his tough guy demeanor crumbling and being replaced with a playful expression. “Why are you so grumpy?” your tone is still cheery because, despite also being tired, you’re trying to remain positive.

“Because we’re lost,” he replies blankly, allowing his arms to snake around your waist until his arms rest comfortable on your ass. He squeezes your ass, massaging the skin shortly after. You see the opportunity for a corny remark and take it, “I’m not lost if I’m with you.”

This causes him to burst out in laughter, finally giving in and returning the kiss, “you’re so fucking corny.” You smile into the kiss, you knew exactly what to do to make him feel better.

“I can make you feel better,” you reply between kisses, allowing your lips to travel further down his jawline and neck. He hums in response, the suggestion immediately sending blood rushing to his dick. You take this as an invitation to go through with your actions, slowly kneeling in front of Matt until you’re facing his crotch.

He watches in shock and excitement as you wiggle into the ground and begin unbuckling his shorts. Were you really going to suck his dick in the middle of the dense jungle? What if someone else came through the hiking path? Or worse, what if his family emerged from the dense flora and caught you with his dick in your mouth? As frightening as the idea was, it was also exciting, and Matt never the type to turn down a blowjob.

He watches in awe as you pull his shorts down, palming his dick through the fabric of his boxers. You kiss his penis through the cloth, waiting for a reaction from Matt. “Don’t tease,” he groans, causing you to finally slowly pull his boxers down.

Once it’s free, Matt’s hard dick slaps against his stomach, precum already forming at the red, swollen tip. You take a firm grip of him, slowly pumping and placing a sloppy kiss on his tip. He tastes salty, his precum mixing with the sweat from having hiked for hours.

His jaw is slack and his eyes are scrunched as you finally wrap your mouth around his tip. You’d usually take your time and tease Matt until he was begging for you to do something, but you’re so hungry for him that you can’t help but deep throat him instantly. Matt’s tip hits the back of your throat, causing him to instinctively buck his hips into your mouth.

Strong hands take a hold of your hair, creating a make-shift ponytail to provide him with the leverage necessary to fuck your face. You’re gagging around his cock, his hips snapping into your face and his hands pushing your head back and forth. Tears brim at your eyes with each thrust, your hands holding onto Matt’s thighs both for support and in an attempt to slow his movements.

He’s unrelenting, though, forgetting entirely about your need for oxygen. You moan around him, cheeks hollowing tight enough to help push Matt past his breaking point. His eyes are training on you, watching in awe as bubbles of saliva drip down your chin.

“So. Fucking. Sexy,” he grunts with each thrust, pulling out completely with a loud pop. Matt pumps his cock from above your face, giving you enough time to catch your breath before you’re opening your mouth again for him. He groans at your willingness to please, placing his fat, heavy cock on your flat tongue.

You scoot closer to him eagerly, waiting for him to paint your tongue with his cum. “So beautiful and eager,” he murmurs, stroking his cock one last time before unloading his cum in your mouth. Some of it shoots out far enough to land on your face, engraving an image in Matt’s head that he’s sure to use later.

One of your fingers scoops up the stray cum that frosted tour face, popping the remnants in your mouth as you stare intently at Matt. You want him to remember this for the remainder of this trip, to think about you on your knees with his cum on your face. You want him to remember how well you took his cock and for images of you to flood his mind at night, forcing him to find you and fuck you in another secluded, undisclosed location.

Without another word, you kiss his tip and spring up from the floor. “I think they went this way,” you say, pointing in a random direction, but if you were being honest you lost track of the group long before you dropped to your knees. Matt watches you in confusion, how were you able to recover so easily while he still stood there with his cock out? He’s barely coming down from his high, but he pulls his pants up and follows you anyway.

Matt’s skeptical, not entirely trusting your sense of direction. “Are you sure? It doesn’t look like anyone’s gone that way… ever,” he replies, taking in his surroundings. You wave him off, pushing through highly forested terrain as you attempt to find the group again.

“I’m sure. We’ll be fine,” you dismiss, leading the way deeper into the jungle. Hopefully Matt remained in a good mood for the rest of the hike, if not you’d be forced to work your magic again.

—

At this point you don’t know which way is left and which is right, you’re just walking for the sake of moving. There are no trails in sight, but there are rocks at every twist and turn, and the sun is beginning to set. “I think we’re lost,” you finally admit, stopping abruptly in your tracks and doing a full 360 in an attempt to relocate yourself.

“You think?” Matt replies in a sarcastic tone, running an exasperated hand through his hair. You ignore his tone, chalking it up to the hike having worn him out. He was easily irritable, but you knew of a few ways to fix that.

“Well I hear water this way. That could be the waterfall?” you say, throwing a thumb behind you to signal that that’s where you hear the water coming from. Matt’s equally as lost as you are, but since you were the one leading the way it was easy to place the blame on you. “It could be, but what if it isn’t?” he retorts, raising his voice slightly.

“We’re already lost, Matt. What does it matter if it isn’t the waterfall?” you reply, mocking his voice slightly as you send him an annoyed look. You decide to just ignore him and begin walking towards the water instead of arguing in the middle of a deserted island, surrounded by dense vegetation and predators that were sure to wake when the sun set.

Matt throws his hands up in the air out of frustration as he follows behind you. If you were Chris or Nick he probably would’ve lashed out at you already, but he bites his tongue because he realizes that there’s no point in arguing. The only reason he’s responding so harshly is because he’s letting the situation and his pent up sexual frustration get the best of him.

The water gets louder the further you walk and the air becomes cooler. Finally, after pushing past vines and leaves, you see the roaring stream of water. Foam forms at the edge of the cliff where the water meets the ground, creating a large pool deep enough to swim in. It was such a beautiful sight, you couldn’t help but immediately throw your backpack to the ground and kick your shoes off.

“Told you it was the waterfall,” you say in excitement, suddenly feeling energetic again. You make swift work of your shirt, removing it before unbuckling your shorts. Matt’s equally as excited, tugging his shorts off as he watches you shimmy out of yours.

Your ass jiggles each time you pull at your shorts, finally revealing the bikini you wore underneath. Matt’s in his boxers, the fabric loose around his thighs but becoming tight around his crotch. He’s no longer frustrated with you, all he can think about is fucking you in the water, the water splashing each time he bucks into you.

His carnal, animalistic desires overrun his mind as images of you on the jungle floor with his cock balls deep in your mouth replay in his head. Matt joins you in the cool water, ready to have another adventure with you.

—

The sun has set and the moon has now replaced its position in the sky, shining down on you both while you effortlessly wade through the water. The pool is deep enough to reach your shoulders, but it reaches Matt’s lower chest. The loud, relentless waterfall makes it hard to hear Matt when he speaks so you’re forced to press your face against his to hear him.

“You look so sexy, baby,” he murmurs against your ear, his face so close to yours that you can feel his stubble graze your cheek with each word. Matt’s hands pull you close to him from under the water, allowing your legs to wrap around his torso as he supports your weight. Your ass settles just above his crotch, inches away from his throbbing penis.

You hum in response, pulling your face away slightly to capture his lips in a kiss. Nature managed to provide you with the perfect ambiance, perfectly secluded from all civilization for the first time this week. “I missed you all week,” you whispered into the kiss, giving Matt the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

He’s immediately moaning into the kiss, his tongue lapping in your sweet juices. He places two strong hands on your ass, pushing you down on his growing erection, eliciting a strained whimper from you. “Feel that?” he grunts, forehead flush with yours as he presses his crotch so hard on yours you can feel everything. His eyes are locked on yours, searching for a reaction.

Your core clenches instinctively at his words, you wish you could feel him. It seems like the waterfall becomes louder the more worked up you become, both of you blissfully unaware of the world around you. The stars are twinkling from above and the moon is shining directly on the pool of water you swim in, serving as a spotlight for the show you and Matt were about to put on.

His mouth is back on you, hungrily trailing kisses down the wet skin of your neck. He stops right above your collar bone, sucking and biting the skin until it’s purple. You’re gripping his hair and grinding down onto him, allowing the water to help you move effortlessly. All you want is to feel him closer after an entire week apart.

“Matt, just fuck me already,” you moan, becoming desperate for his touch. Usually he’d tease you and tell you to be patient, but even he was desperate for relief. He pulls you into another kiss, swiftly tugging his cock out of his boxers in the process. You try adjusting yourself over Matt, his fingers expertly moving your bikini to the side, causing you to squirm slightly as the fabric presses against your sensitive clit.

“Stay still,” he grumbles, aligning his cock with your entrance. You immediately do as you you’re told, eager to please and even more eager to feel him inside you. Without a second thought, his left hand is pushing you down on him and the right is keeping his cock in place. An immediate sigh of relief leaves Matt’s mouth once he bottoms out inside of you, adjusting himself so he’s able to support you from under your thighs. The sensation is euphoric, causing Matt’s knees to tremble as he tries to ground himself on the rocky floor beneath him.

Your legs are wrapped around Matt’s waist, using the position as leverage to begin bouncing up and down on his dick slowly. The momentum of your movements causes the water to push and pull around you, slapping against your chest with each thrust. “I missed this,” he moans, eyes squeezed tight as he tries to compose himself. The feeling is so pent up that he’s sure to bust in seconds, so he focuses on lasting long so he can make you feel good.

“I missed this too, baby. So much,” you reply, hanging on by Matt’s shoulders as you throw your head back in pleasure. You’re clenching around him, your pussy sucking him in deeper. Loud moans are coming from both of you, the waterfall swallowing them and washing them away.

Matt watches as your boobs bounce violently, threatening to spill out of your tight bikini top. It’s like they’re teasing him, willing him to pull the bikini off and toss it deep into the jungle. He yanks it down before he can stop himself, freeing your tits and immediately groaning at the sight.

You look so sexy on top of him, taking him like a champ and giving him a show while doing it. His hips rut into you quickly, balls slapping against your ass with each thrust. Your tits press against his chest, sensitive nipples grazing against his skin.

He’s fucking you so hard and fast at this point that his dick slips out of you, slapping against your clit in the process. The sensation causes your legs to shake and your core to clench once again. “Fuck,” he whimpers at the loss of contact, taking a hold of his cock and rubbing it against your pussy.

Matt manages to slip back into your folds aggressively, pounding into you at the same relentless pace from before. This was the sloppiest sex you’d ever had with Matt, but after a week completely deprived of him you’d gladly welcome it.

You’re both soaked, somehow managing to float under the waterfall. The pressurized water rains down on you, the stream coming down on you so hard it unties your bikini causing it to float downstream. “Matt! My top,” you gasp, reaching for your bikini and pushing your boobs together in the process.

Matt groans at the sight, your pillowy breasts bouncing as he fucks you like it’s the first and last time. Your spongy walls push against his penis, causing a sensation that sends him past his breaking point.

“We’ll get it later,” he responds between grunts, snapping his hips into you one last time before unloading his cum inside you. Just because he’s no longer moving doesn’t mean you aren’t still bouncing on his dick, causing it to twitch from the sensitivity.

“Babe,” he chuckles, his body instinctively attempting to pull away as the overstimulation becomes too much. You ignore him, chasing your climax with each jump. All he can do is hold onto you firmly and use all his strength to prevent his knees from buckling.

Finally, you’re convulsing around his cock and moaning loudly as your orgasm washes over your body. The sight is beautiful, your wet hair stuck to your skin, and your eyes rolling so far to the back of your head that all Matt sees is white.

He feels a sense of pride in making you feel this good, he’s never seen you react this animated during sex before. The combination of the location, the stimulation from the water, and the pent up sexual frustration being enough to intensify your orgasm.

Matt pulls you off of him slowly, gently placing you back down on the rocky floor. He gives you a goofy, fucked out smile as he glances down at your bare chest. Your bikini top is floating down stream quickly, threatening to get lost in the wilderness with each passing second. Your arms are quick to wrap around your chest, suddenly feeling exposed like you weren’t just having the loudest sex ever.

“I’ll get it,” he chuckles, adjusting his boxers and swimming downstream effortlessly towards your top. You thank God for sending you such an observant and kind boyfriend, one who was willing to make you feel good and then take care of you afterwards.

Once he reaches it, he throws the bikini your way, causing water to splash in your face. Even though he was just balls deep in you, you find yourself turning your back to him while you put the bikini back on. He’s too busy swimming against the stream to notice though, the realization of how lost you truly were finally settling in.

For now, though, the two of you were content with a night under the stars away from prying eyes.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

🤰🏻

Me after writing this

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

[theratking-heheheheheh]

I like to head Canon that everyone in PIDW has really poetic and symbolic dreams like old memories or past regrets, torturing their soul or something like that and then Shen yuan comes in and because he’s from a different world his brain chemistry is slightly different and his dreams are like any other dream you might find like TV show music playing in the background as you float a boat down a river, but the river is actually a children’s playground. It’s also upside down and Batman is also there. 

I can imagine Lou binghe going into his shizuns dreams, expecting the answers to all his questions, his motives, his regrets his secrets but only finding whatever the fuck that was 

[fluloa]

okay well now i’m going to be the one to ask you for the step!dad jake request bc I NEED IT, your jake fics are god tier fr

it’s time that i hop onto the wagon. also i have hadf a few glasses of wine

warnings — praise, stepcest, masturbation, rough fingering/fuck, little bit of awkward step-daddy jake, in heat shit, stomach bulge, daddy kink

fingers stuffed in your cunt and legs spread wide open, you hadn't expected for the flaps of your marui's pod to fling open.

"holy mother of eywa—" jake curses, shrieking at your dazed, whiney state with your really wet and bare pussy on display and he swings the flap back shut. you scream as well, embarrassment shaking through your system but it's immediately numbed by your heat fizzing up your body, stilling your mind and forcing your thoughts to only focus on your orgasm that you can't reach.

the smell of you reaches jake's nose, your sweet caramel-like aroma fogging up his senses. he understood now. why you had been stooped up in your moss of bed for the past few days, why you were so distant at dinnertime, why you had been avoiding him so much.

you were in heat.

his poor babygirl, fingering her pussy while she whined and withered in utter torture. that's why you were hissing with pain. not because you were hurt or sick, but because you were in fucking heat.

then he realizes you haven't stopped, by the continued noises of small gushing and pathetic high-pitched whimpers. "hey, sweetheart?"

you only whine in reply.

jake clears his throat, trying so hard not to focus on the way your pussy messily quelches each time your fingers thrust inside of it. he re-adjusts his loincloth, cringing at his growing bulge pressing up against it. "does it hurt? baby?"

"oh," you grit out a moan, and jake can hear the way you kick your feet against the woven ground. "mmmhm... daddy, 's hurts."

"didn't catch that. what was that?"

"it hurts," you groan. "please, daddy, come.. in here. i need- i nee... i need..."

jake gently pries open the flap of the pod once again, creeping his head past it and there you are, just like before, fucking yourself dumb with your tiny fingers. he clicks his tongue, crawling to your aid and he runs a hand up your arm, and you fucking shiver at it. your tail twirls ferally, and with the hand that isn't tied up in your cunt, you use it to slap it onto his arm and drag him towards you, piling him on top of you.

"tell me what i can do, babygirl. how long you been hurtin' for?" he whispers, and you can't even reply, only jutting your legs further apart.

jake is still unsure what to do, even though the solution is right there in front of him, right in between your glistening thighs. your smell is intoxicating him, telling him to just pick you up by your legs and fuck his cock into you so hard you see stars. "i want it," you rasp out, looking up at him with your big eyes that you know always gets him to give in and give you what you want. and right now, it's his cock.

"uh- for now, you can hop on my thigh. that sound good? yeah?" jake reasons, and you push out a reckless nod. he rolls you over with him, now laid out on his back and you practically pounce on his thigh, your gush of warm wetness immediately spreading along his skin. he bites back a groan.

you instantly start grinding your hips, letting your head fall back as your body sways, your pussy gliding along his thigh and rubbing at your puffy clit. fuck, if he wasn't hard before, he is now. hard as rock. watching his little princess ride his thigh like an animal, like a slut. it shakes him up in way more ways than one. the thick muscle of his thigh does absolute wonders for you, the amazing friction of your clit catching on the tough of his muscle making your eyes quite literally roll back.

"that's it, that's my girl. fuck yourself on me like that. using dad's big thigh for your pussy, hey? good fuckin' girl," he jumbles, sliding his hand on your hips, now helping you sharpen the desperate rocks of your body and you moan loudly.

your boobs bounce each time your hips roll, your hands trembling as they support your body on his chest and your fingernails digging into his blue skin. you're panting out heavy, quick breaths as you try and find words, "can... i..."

"hey, hey, 's 'right. use your words slowly for me." jake reassures smoothly, running a hand up your thigh and rubbing his thumb into your hot skin. "you close?"

"no," you hiss lowly through your gritted teeth. your words are filled with sobs, a sweet twist with desperation that has jake's dick twitching under his loincloth. "your cock."

"want my cock?" he asks, letting a dark and quiet chuckle slip past his lips, "don't know if you'll be able to ride that one, sweetheart."

"then fuck me with it," you manage to blow out, taking a hand and slipping it to palm his cock, tented up and ready for a pussy to plunge into. your pupils widen immensely, tail whipping up in excitement and your riding quickens, moving your cunt faster on his thigh. "please, daddy. pleasepleaseplease."

"might hurt a little. promise you won't cry?" jake coos, letting his finger trail up the smooth skin of your belly.

"promise," you rush, speeding onto your back and splaying out your body for him. funnily, your top is still strapped to your body. a bit disheveled, but it's still on. jake changes that though, as he yanks it off of your shoulders and flings it across the room. he then presses kiss to the middle of your shoulder, his hand shifting down to play with your pussy, striding a long finger up your slit and gathering some of your slick onto the pad. you whine at the much needed attention, finally getting a touch that is not your own, but your stepdad's.

he wastes no time in pushing a finger in, and then another. the girth of his digits stretch out your viscid walls, heighten your breath and make your pussy pulse in delighted appreciation.

"am i making you feel better, baby? feelin' good?" jake murmurs, and you can feel the side of cock rub up the inner of your left thigh. "think you're ready for dad's cock?"

"yes," you cry, your back arching off the ground as your mouth agapes.

"okay, okay," jake gives your cheek a messy smooch, untying his loincloth with ease and lining up the tip of his cock at your sopping opening. then he slides it in, pushing past your tight pussy and forcing the thick of his length inside of you. you let out a strangled mewl, your ankles kicking at the back of his legs and he catches the way your lips tremble. "ah-ah, baby— what'd i say about crying?"

"i'm not. i'm not crying, daddy." you beg with your voice meek, your cunt wrapping around him tight as if the body part itself did not want to let him go. milking his cock perfectly, he decides to start a slow rock of his hips, a soft pace of back and forth in your pussy. your legs are shaking as they shift to wrap around his waist, pulling him closer and encouraging him to push his cock further into your tummy.

"big ass bulge in your tummy from me. ouch, hey? that's daddy's cock in there, pushing your skin up like that." you're compelled to look at where your bodies meet, and you glare at the bump forming and deforming each time his cock glides into you, big and pointy and it only drives you faster to your release.

jake scoops an arm beneath you and around your back, using it to start bringing you down onto him, speeding up his thrusts little by little. a high moan breaks from your sore throat, hands shifting recklessly as you struggle to find a place to rest them.

"over my back, baby." he says, grabbing your arms himself and swinging them over the broad of his back. "there we are."

he leans down and seals your lips in a harsh kiss, tongue sponging out to dance along your hot one. it feels so wrong, so vivid and bad, that you can't help but let out a pathetic whine because of it because you love everything about it. jake fastens his pace, now rutting up into you hard and rough, moving your body with his as your loud noises muffle by the wrap of his aggressive tongue.

you're meeting his animalistic thrusts with your own, only they're more smaller and choppy because scrap before, you're getting fucked dumb now. your stepdad's cock driving in and out of your pussy so ruthlessly, you're going to see stars. literal stars.

"close?" jake mumbles against your mouth, his tone twinged with a sudden lick of his own desperation.

"mhm," you slur, gripping onto him as you attempt to have his cock impossibly hit deeper inside you.

“come all over daddy’s cock then,” he deepens the kiss, angling his head to the side slightly as a thick lock of his hair falls down in front of you. “wanna see my little girl come undone,” he pants.

that sets you off, has your orgasm exploding out of you and pussy gushing around jake’s dick. it shakes your entire body, smacking you with absolute bliss and all you can do is moan, feeling the tears rim your eyes. suddenly, jake is scooping out of you and groaning, dumping his load in his bunched up loincloth beside him.

you lay still beneath jake, panting like crazy and so is he, leaning an elbow on the ground as he attempts to catch his breath. eventually, he ends up collapsing to the ground, and he takes you with him. too fucked out to care, you slump your head against his chest. he tucks a lather of hair behind your ear, kissing the smooth skin between your shoulder and neck.

he doesn’t think it hurts anymore.

[operationslipperypuppet]

do you think it's funnier if chungledown bim makes his triumphant return in junior year of if he's never brought up again

Never being brought up again would be very funny but Brennan loves to torture his players with silly evil shit and Lou has such a reaction to Chungledown Bim that Brennan wouldn’t want to not have him as a possibility.

I do also actually think Lou will bring him up first and be like “can I make a perception check to be certain there aren’t any pelicans around?”

[blucifermorningstar]

New Halloween video premiering on dropout with little context where a very old and decrepit brennan lee mulligan challenges death to a game of wit at the very end of his 154 year life, he's a smart guy, he's prepared like a wizard in his tower a game of his own creation which he will surely win. Death humbly accepts this challenge, only to pull off the cloak and reveal that he is in fact your host, and has been here the whole time (since the dawn of creation). Brennan looks to the camera, rapidly de-ages to his present appearance and screams his tortured scream for a sustained 5 minutes while the set erupts out of the ground apocalyptically. Ally Beardsly and Lou wilson walk on set like nothing is different and the episode plays as normal.

Also brennan is sent to hell at the end cause of course he's not allowed to win.

[dandylovesturtles]

Whats Draxum’s redemption arc in sideline look like (if he even gets one lmaooo)

thanks for the ask! this got long so I'm putting a lot of it under a cut

at this point, I have committed to Draxum's redemption arc in Sidelined, because I like Draxum and I love a good redemption arc haha. That said, as I've said a few times before, it wouldn't be easy for him, and it definitely wouldn't go down like in the show, where Mikey just kind of drags him into it. he'd have to work for it himself

it's probably good to start this by talking about my own interpretation of Draxum and the Draxum characterization I'm working with in this AU. while I love a good Evil Bastard Draxum, in canon I read him as more of one of those people who truly believed he was the hero so hard he tipped over into villainy on accident. which doesn't mean he didn't enjoy what he was doing, and he's definitely uncaring of the lives around him (he's got some of that mad scientist spark), but in contrast to the Foot Clan who are actively trying to subjugate the whole world (presumably under the belief that they'll get to be the top brass in the new world order), Draxum is actually just trying to save his people. a noble end, even if the means he's choosing involves eradicating another race of beings entirely. and I'm generally of the belief that if Draxum had actually kept the turtles, if he had been in charge of their raising, he might have initially started out thinking of them purely as warriors to be molded for his aims, but eventually would have come to see them as their own people, as children (yes, it's entirely possible to raise children and still have disregard for them as people, but I'm giving Draxum the benefit of the doubt in this one).

however, Draxum didn't raise them from babies - they just showed up at his house one day, raising weapons against him and blowing up his lab. so he's still thinking of them purely as warriors - young and inexperienced warriors, sure, but warriors nonetheless. he's not really thinking about how they're only teenagers, about how they might have dreams and wants and needs that have nothing to do with fighting, how they actually love and care for each other as a family. I said this in another ask, but Draxum thinks the idea of them calling each other "brothers" and Lou Jitsu "father" is actually laughable. in his mind, it's just pointless to even read any kind of family structure into their relationship. they are at most superiors and subordinates.

when Draxum put Leo in the Dark Armor, Splinter saw it as his fourteen-year-old son, his Baby Blue, being tortured and possibly killed right before his eyes. Draxum saw it as sacrificing a pawn in front of a general.

of course, callous disregard for a living person is bad no matter how you see it, but there's still a definite difference in perception here.

it's not until 1, Draxum realizes he was horribly wrong about what the Armor is and what the consequences of awakening it are, and 2, he witnesses the way the family reacts to what is happening to Leo, not as group of warriors down a man but as a family desperately trying to save a loved one, a piece of themselves, that it finally clicks for him what he's done.

Draxum goes on a long soul-searching retreat after that (he's also hiding from the Hidden City government but that's a side note). how could the love he had for his people drive him down such a dark and reckless path? how could he not see what was right in front of him, until he caused serious damage to the place he was trying so hard to save? how could he be so callous to someone who, annoying as he may be, is ultimately innocent?

initially he does this soul-searching far away from the Hamatos. he still has his powers in this timeline, so he makes do with stealing and finding places to take over and live. but at some point he starts thinking, maybe he wants to try and make amends for what he did, even if it's in just a small way. and even with his humbling he's still a little full of himself, so he's like, of course this ragtag bunch would want the help of Baron Draxum

(they do not)

so he starts by trying to give them practical help. he can imagine that Leonardo has significant medical issues following his time in the armor, and while it's not his primary field he knows enough about healing draughts to get by, and while there's no magic potion that will "fix" Leo, there are ones that can help with the pain and fatigue, in some ways better than human medicines, and that can help strengthen his immune system. He tries to give these to the Hamatos (specifically Mikey and Donnie while they're out scavenging one day) and gets pretty soundly rebuffed. Donnie is in "kill on sight" mode, and while Mikey is more likely to at least hear Draxum out, he also has no reason to trust anything the man gives them, especially when he suggests they feed it to Leo. so they don't take the offerings initially. Draxum eventually settles for leaving them in a cache near one of the sewer tunnel entrances, if they want it.

and then Leo gets really sick, and is in a lot of pain. Leo's immune system, like everything else about his body, is pretty weak following the armor, and he can't fight off the flu or an infection as well as he could before. so Leo is sick and in pain and Donnie and Mikey remember the cache of healing potions.

(I actually considered writing this fic awhile back and then never did haha, but here's what I had in my notes for it:

Splinter kneels on the side of the bed. "I'm sorry, Blue. We'll get you more medicine soon."

Leo reaches one hand out and Splinter takes it quickly. "Daddy," he whines, tears starting to roll down his cheeks, and oh, Donnie realizes, Leo really is hurting.

He quietly and casually deletes the last ten minutes of audio in his recordings. No one else needs to hear this.)

again, they aren't stupid - they aren't just going to feed Leo some random potions given to them by the guy that hurt him in the first place. but they can go find out if the potions are legit. so time for a trip to Witch Town!

they probably have some kind of misadventure while they're there (I'm imagining Mikey is joining Donnie and April this time), but they do manage to ascertain that the potions are legit. still, they end up getting the same potions made by someone else instead, just in case. but they remember that Draxum did try to help them, that time.

I imagine this happens several times, where Draxum just shows up to help them, they tell him to get lost after, before it starts to sink in that maybe Draxum is actually trying to turn things around. I don't think it ever quite gets to "Mikey calling him their second dad" level, but they do start to accept him as a begrudging ally and eventual weird uncle.

he has to seriously and sincerely apologize to Leo first, though. and Leo doesn't want to forgive him at first, and that's okay. these things take time.

anyway that's all. thanks for the ask again!

[fictional-character-fight-poll]

Luo Binghe vs. Miguel O'Hara

Propaganda under the cut:

Lou Binghe:

First of all, Luo Binghe is the protagonist - not of SVSSS, but of the in-world book the MC ends up in (transmigration/isekai situation). He has actual, literal plot armor preventing him from dying, even if something convoluted or unlikely has to happen to save him (MC takes advantage of it once to defeat the enemy - by baiting them into attacking immobilized Luo Binghe. A ceiling beam randomly falls on them 😂). But even discounting the plot armor, he's stupid difficult to kill due to his unique bloodline - being descended from a god who fell to depravity and turned into a demon - which gives him extremely powerful self-healing abilities, to the point that he can just pop broken bones back in place and be fine (has actually happened on page) or regrow lost limbs (mentioned, but not shown). And that's not even the only benefit of his blood - for you see, if he manages to get it into someone else's body, he can use it as a torture device or a GPS tracker. Speaking of sneak attack abilities, he also can walk into people's dreams to see their memories, give them nightmares, and make them destroy their own minds. And this is before we come to actual damage dealing! Luo Binghe comes from a cultivation setting, meaning people cultivate internal energy to learn fantasy kung fu, with various magic-like abilities. Luo Binghe is a prodigy who excels at both hand-to-hand combat and swordsmanship, as well as 'lightness skill' which allows him to move faster than eye can see, scale buildings in a single leap, and so on. This is additionally enhanced by the use of spiritual AND demonic energy - as a half-human, half-demon, he has access to both types - which you can think of as raw magic that can be shaped in variety of ways. For example, at one point Luo Binghe uses spiritual energy to create a fireball to fling at an enemy. It can also be used to do direct damage, such as spiritual blast - which MC describes as having an effect of 'throwing a grenade' for his own power level, meaning Luo Binghe's is even more devastating. To return to swordsmanship, at different points of the story, Luo Binghe wields two different swords. One is Zheng Yang, a spiritual sword that he can not only swing by hand, but control with gestures to send into battle independently, as well as fly on if needed. The other is Xin Mo, a cursed mythical sword he found in a hellpit called the Endless Abyss - which tries to corrupt the owner's mind but is extremely powerful, and has a unique ability to create spatial rifts, meaning its owner can essentially teleport wherever. (Including between universes, as per extras.) Oh, and if all this wasn't enough, he also has a demon army, with which he already conquered most of the Demon Realm. But the scariest thing? /If/ you manage to get him alone, without any demon subordinates backing him, and /if/ you manage to injure him enough to incapacitate him... congrats, you just pissed off his husband! Who is less powerful, but extremely resourceful and frankly insane(/respect). Luo Binghe would just beat you into submission! His husband on the other hand will trick you into inhaling parasitic plant's spores that'll take root in your trachea and grow through your brain, slowly and painfully killing you. (Yes, this happened to one of the antagonists.) Frankly speaking, getting beat by Luo Binghe is recommended. You can probably even get a spot in the demon army if you pick a right moment to concede (that's how he got most of his subordinates).

Miguel O'Hara:

First of all, he's the strongest Spidey (both physically and in terms of enhanced senses). Second, he's a giant. And third, I love him and need him to win

Reasons as to why one or the other would win are encouraged in the notes. Send in additional propaganda and I'll add it to the post!

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 26, FINALE]

We are finally at the end, and I am once again quite emotional.

Obviously this doesn't reach the highs of Aux Tresors, and yes, there are flaws (cough cough. Return Simone to me. Stop having her be gone.) but I really do love this movie. Especially all the Joris psychological torture that happens within it.

Kerubim sitting in his little seat, with Lou's portrait just as present as always...

Ah, unlike Aux Tresors, I don't feel a mixture of longing and dread, when this movie ends. When the series ends, I always think "they don't know how bad things are doing to get, they don't know what awaits". I think of the 600 years between the series and Wakfu.

But when this movie ends, I feel like the Joris that we leave at the end is now almost an adult.

This is a very sad thing to say about a 10yo, but it's true. He has a clear view of how bad things can get. So, I don't feel dread or longing, — I feel sorry for him, but also I feel like he can defend himself against whatever awaits, y'know?

Aux Tresors of Kerubim is like one last warm meal before a lethal injection, and this movie is like having a bucket of ice water dumped on you, in terms of emotional experiences.

Despite never rating anything on this blog, I rate this movie 12 wips of Joris angst fanfiction in my Google Docs out of 10. Because that's how many wips I have.

[tillthelandslide]

Insufferable Arsehole Part 6: Inside Your Mind Instagram AU - Matty Healy Series

A/n: so I'm introducing some more characters in the upcoming chapters so please don't be confused as one is referenced in this. Hope you like it. P.s I got the box tattooed today so yes that is my arm

thisislou:

thisislou where's the fun in doing what your told?

Liked by trumanblack, bedforddanes75, rass1975, charli_xcx and 689,739 others

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bedforddanes75 excuse me? Please stop. I'm scared my girlfriend is going to leave me for you

charli_xcx fuck me

-> bedforddanes75 seeeee @thisislou

-> thisislou sorry? 🤷‍♀️

trumanblack who took this wonderful picture? Think they deserve some credit don't you love? Also heard they're a pretty cool person

-> thisislou 🙄

rass1975 I am looking respectfully 🫣

-> thisislou aren't you nice?

-> rass1975 I try, I try 🙌

loufanpage slay

fan1 wish I was you

-> thisislou dream bigger ❤️

lou75fan so y'all just going to ignore Matty's comment... The comment that makes it obvious that he took this picture⁉️⁉️

75fan Matty has the hots that's for sure

bandmate I miss you

-> thisislou miss you more

fan3 slut

-> thisislou how very kind of you 🙏

thisislou:

thisislou backstage shenanigans @trumanblack thanks for being my model 🖤

Liked by bedforddanes75, bandmate and 762,891 others

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bedforddanes75 he looks happy 😂

-> thisislou what a grump aye?

trumanblack I swear I was happy... Don't know why my face is doing that

-> thisislou grumpy Matty 😠

-> trumanblack you bully me

-> thisislou just the way you like it 😚

-> trumanblack 🤫🖤

jordhughesphoto might as well take my job at this rate

-> thisislou what a compliment 🥹 there's no one quite as good as you though I'm afraid

trumanblack:

trumanblack she makes me look quite cool 📸@thisislou 🖤

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thisislou stealing my photo I see

-> trumanblack THANK YOUUUUU 😁😁😁😁😁

-> thisislou you're lucky you're cute

75fan omg cute

loufanpage i ship them so hard i actually cant take this torture anymore haha

rass1975 excuse me why dont you take cool pictures like this of me

-> trumanblack you're not her fave anymore

-> rass1975 ouch... fair though

-> thisislou i mean... if anyone is my fave is obviously george just saying

-> trumanblack ouch

-> rass1975 ouch

-> bedforddanes haha! suck on that @trumanblack @rassthe1975

thisislou:

thisislou Part of the band 🖤

📸 @jordhughesphoto

Liked by bedforddanes75, trumanblack, rass1975, 1975adam and 673,122 others

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trumanblack part of the band 🖤

bedforddanes75 part of the band 🖤

rass1975 part of the band 🖤

1975adam part of the band 🖤

-> thisislou @trumanblack @bedforddanes @rass1975 @1975adam 😭🖤🖤

fan1 omg

loufanpage they all commented the same thing that's adorable 🥹

jordhughesphoto 😊😊

75fan guys... If Matty and Lou hold hands their boxes would touch 🥹🥹

Liked by thisislou

the1975updates:

the1975updates fans from today's show could've sworn they heard Matty say "Lou" when touching himself on stage.... What is going on?

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fan1 I could've sworn I heard it!!

fan2 I hope they confirm whether they're dating

fan3 think he deserves better tbh

-> the1975updates don't understand how he could deserve better tbh... She's amazing and kind and they seem like they bring the best out in each other

Liked by trumanblack

-> loufanpage couldn't agree more @the1975updates

75fan @the1975updates me and my friends were standing at barrier on Lou's side of the stage and we swear she was wearing a "M" necklace... could also be for her sister bc her name is mia but... could also be for matty?

-> the1975updates omg if thats for matty thats adorable

thisislou:

thisislou the first a gift from @trumanblack... The second a gift from @charli_xcx don't know which one I prefer

Liked by trumanblack, charli_xcx, bedforddanes75 and 467,189 others

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trumanblack the second one isn't true though is it?

-> thisislou 🤫

charli_xcx looks good big tits

-> thisislou fucking love you

fan3 slag

-> thisislou awe thanks boo 😘🖕

bedforddanes75 smoking kills

-> thisislou you're one to talk dickhead

75fan "people write songs about girls like you" he's in loveeeee

lou75fan I know they've done it but I can't prove it

thisislou via stories:

[nikethestatue]

A Match Baked In Heaven

Part II Here

Part III

Gold On the Ceiling

Two and a half hours later, and the headquarters of Marigold Agency were decked out in Halloween finery like it was Harrods or something. 

Ri-di-cu-lous.

While Azriel hauled the larger pumpkins under his arms, and then the boxes with the smaller ones, Elain threw herself with unbridled enthusiasm into arranging them: on the steps to the carriage house, and the stoop, and everywhere else.

Pinky rushed from one end of the corridor to the other, following Azriel back and forth, as many times as he had to make the trip. That dog was a machine. He didn’t get tired, or even winded, just running back and forth, his tongue lolling about. He possessed Elain’s levels of excitement over this ‘project’. He was absolutely not needed, but he felt that he was playing an integral part in the decorations, just by running around and spinning in circles with insane excitement. 

There were antique lanterns, fake spiders, skeletons, dried flowers artfully arranged between the cascading display of pumpkins and gourds. 

Once the last of the decorations were finally dragged out of the cellar, Azriel went outside and stood in front of the house. His arms folded on his chest, his brow furrowed, his expression serious, he assessed the work that they’ve done.

Elain backed away from the stairs and stood beside him, while Pinky rushed from the house needing to be the centre of attention and parked between the two of them, looking up at the house.

Elain's house as decorated by her and Azriel and Piglet

“You like it, baby boy?” Elain asked softly, and for one absurd moment, Azriel thought that she was addressing him.

“Yeah I like it,” he said, catching himself too late and remaining standing frozen in place and mortified.

She looked up at him and a small smile splayed her pink lips.

“Well, I am glad,” was her reaction, though he knew that she caught his slip. “And, thank you, Mr. Night. Really. You’ve been an immense help.”

Suddenly, he felt uncomfortable…like he stepped into a different world where he didn’t belong. While they were decorating, and he was running in and out of the house, it was…nice. Even easy between the two of them. He joked. She laughed. The dog…well, it did whatever that dog did. But now the magic was no more–back to reality.

“No problem,” he answered tersely.

He didn’t know what else to say to her now.

She reached out and took him by the elbow. 

“Come on,”

“Are we going to do the matchmaking stuff?” he asked, sounding rude even to himself. “I mean, if we aren’t then I got things to do.”

Elain nodded once, and said, “we are”. It was pretty obvious that she also felt the instant alienation between the two of them. “Please go ahead and make yourself comfortable in my office. I will be right back.”

He shrugged and didn’t argue, walking back to the carriage house. He found the loo, pissed, washed his hands, attempted to make sense of his thick black hair, and failed. His stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten anything since the meat pie. He still had two left and he still considered giving Elain one, though he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. He didn’t like blurring lines. It was unhealthy and did nobody any good.

He went back to the office where they’d met yesterday and sat in the same chair. His arms felt tense after dragging 100 pumpkins up and down the stairs and he stretched, trying to settle himself and wondering what the next step in this whole torturous process will be. She’d probably send him to take an STI test. Though probably not–she was too uppity and uptight for that. Was she a virgin? No, that ginger bloke probably wouldn’t have left her one. The memory of the ginger bloke made him grimace and then he wondered why the hell was he thinking about her like that? It wasn’t his business and he shouldn’t have been thinking about her in this manner. But he couldn’t help it. She was sexy in that ‘stern librarian’ kind of a way–where he suspected that behind the veneer of propriety and pearls lived a wild little vixen. She was bossy and demanding in her job, probably her life too, but he wondered whether in bed, she might like to submit, let go of control, enjoy the pleasure of acquiescence. He wondered if she’d allow him to take her body and make it his, in all the ways that he wanted, and in the way she’d love it.

He barely tore himself away from his wandering thoughts, which frankly, were making his dick more solid than was prudent and was faced with a huffing pug, who looked like he was smiling at him. 

“Are you ready for a night out on the town?” Azriel laughed, seeing as Pinky was now back to wearing a large green satin bow. 

He heard Elain inside the carriage house, the soft clicking of her heels–apparently it wasn’t only the pug who got ‘dressed’–and the clanking of glass and…he wasn’t sure how to describe it, but it was nice. It was proper somehow, for him to be here, in this warm place, after an afternoon of doing marginally physical work with Elain. Decorating the house. It was nice. 

He laced his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. 

‘Home’ was an elusive concept to Azriel Night, who bounced between group homes and foster families until he was well into his teens. Then the late adoption, but he and Cassian and their cousin Rhys were shipped off to a boarding school and that was hardly ‘homey’. At 17, he began playing football professionally and his schooling effectively ended. He rented his first flat back then, which felt very adult. But ‘home’--he wasn’t sure about that. Never did have one.

“Mr. Night, I thought I'd make lunch,” somehow, Elain slipped into the office and he didn’t hear her. He might have dozed off for a few moments. He opened his eyes and watched Ms. Archeron, the matchmaker extraordinaire, dressed in her professional uniform. Gone was the girl in faded jeans and with a messy pile of hair. This Elain’s hair was arranged over her shoulder, brushed and curled, and she was dressed in a knee-skimming cream dress and a green cardigan which matched Pinky’s bow. Yep, she was certifiably insane–she matched her pug’s bows to her dresses. Of course there was the 3-strand pearl necklace around her neck and pearl earrings in her ears.

But Azriel didn’t tease her about it. She was a peculiar girl, no doubt about that. All he said was, “you look nice, Ms. Archeron”.

She offered him a shy smile, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Thank you, Mr. Night. I took it upon myself to reheat the meat pies,” she explained, a little scrambled and out of sorts. It was like she was shy or something. “And here is tea,” she poured him a cup. “Some salads–Cheddar and pickle, and egg salad…”

It was only then that Azriel realised why she was so fussy and not herself. Her eyes kept darting towards him–his stomach, to be precise. As he still held his arms behind his head, his henley had ridden up his stomach, and he sported a decent amount of bare skin–she could see some of his abs and the deep hip dent, which apparently made her chew the inside of her cheek, while she prepared the tea. At that, Azriel smirked. She didn’t notice it. But he figured that he’d tease her for a little while longer, so he didn’t drop his arms and only moved his torso, baring his navel and a dusting of hair just above his jeans. Enjoy, sweetheart.

“I’ll eat only if you join me, Ms. Archeron,” he warned. “And thanks for making the food!”

“Well, you helped me so much today. I appreciate it. Otherwise, I’d have to do it with my sisters, and trust me, my sister Nesta is not one for lugging pumpkins or decorating.”

With that, Elain visibly shuddered. Azriel laughed softly.

“Glad to be of help.”

Then, he looked at her, and made a snap decision. He was going to go for it.

“Please enjoy one of the pies, Ms. Archeron,” he said with a brief exhale. It’s been a while since he’d shared his food with anyone. A long while. 

He piled his plate with salads and pie, and watched Elain do the same. She, of course, was all dainty about it, but there wasn’t a pretty way to eat a meat pie. 

“We’ll need to discuss your mating criteria,” Elain said between bites, and Azriel groaned.

“Not that again!”

“Yes. That. I don’t know what you want to call it–preferences? Is that acceptable?”

“Yes, this is better. Let’s call it ‘preferences’,” he agreed at once, as he sipped his tea. 

“Alright then,” she powered on her laptop, and got all serious and business-like. 

He kind of liked it when she was like that–bossy. Cute, but bossy.

“I will ask you to be vulnerable, Mr. Night,” she told him with great seriousness.

“What’s that mean?” he frowned at her words. “Also, do you have any of those nice biscuits that you gave us yesterday?”

“Yes, but you will get them after we are done with this part of the consultation.”

Pfff, he bubbled his lips, not loving that she was treating him like he was Pinky and he needed to be a ‘good boy’ to get the biscuits. But he decided to humour her.

“I’ll be vulnerable, Ms. Archeron,” he promised. “You want me to cry?”

“Hopefully not. But I might ask you questions that you are uncomfortable answering.”

“If you are going to say ‘this is a safe space’ than I am fucking leaving,” he snapped.

She gave him a displeased look, but said, “fine. At least it’s a confidential space.”

“Fine, ask away,” he leaned back into his chair and prepared for this hellish experience.

“Tell me what you look for in a woman?” Elain inquired simply.

“That’s a broad question,”

“Just throw some things at me,” she invited.

“Pretty,” he decided to go with the easiest option.

“What’s pretty to you? Tall? Short? Thin? Shapely? Rubenesque? Zaftig?”

He stared at her dumbly and then muttered, “that’s a lot of fancy words. What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Elain began, but he interrupted her and quickly said, 

“I want her to look like you. Pretty, like. Big hair. Nice soft tits. Long legs. Enough to grab on to, but still thin. I don’t fancy stick-thin women–like someone with some meat on their bones.”

“So a shapely woman then,” Elain muttered and noticed how red her cheeks were. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s the word. Hair–definitely like yours,” he repeated.

“What kind of hair do I have?”

“Big. Thick. Long enough to wrap around my fist,” he explained firmly.

“Mr. Night, let’s move on from me,” she ordered primly. “And discuss other attributes that you are interested in,”

“Nice breasts.”

“I made a note of that,” she mumbled under her breath. 

“Kind of like yours,”

“Why are you looking at my breasts?!” she snapped.

“Well, where am I gonna look at?” Azriel opened his hands innocently. “It’s not like you don’t know that you are hot. Or is your ginger bloke not give you compliments?”

Elain stuttered, her posture stiffening.

“What ginger bloke?”

Azriel was enjoying himself, making her squirm and explain herself.

“The one you get photographed with…He looks like a sad ginger horse,”

Her eyes popped open and he could see that he touched a nerve.

“My personal life is not in question here,” she declared decisively.

He chuckled, “suppose only mine is then”.

“Yes, besides, didn’t you call me a cow yesterday?”

“Oh, well…I didn’t mean your looks!” He quickly began backtracking. “Just your…attitude.”

“Oh, indeed? I have a cow attitude then?”

“Okay, why don’t we continue talking about what I like in a bird,”

“Perhaps if you stopped calling women ‘birds’ we’d make great strides in finding you a wife,” she was shaking her head, exasperated.

“Are you Italian?” he suddenly asked.

“No, why?”

“Your patience levels are that of an Italian woman.”

She rolled her eyes and said,

“I still don’t understand what you like in terms of looks in a woman. Can we just stay on topic?”

“Yeah, alright.”

He did want to make a comment that he wasn’t the only one who was looking, and that he saw her salivating over his abs, but decided to keep that card to himself for now, and play it later. At that moment, Pinky decided that he needed attention, when he got up and rose on his one hind leg, while scratching his little front claws into Azriel’s thigh. He was panting excitedly and looking up with his big round eyes.

Azriel rubbed the dog’s round head and caught Elain watching the two of them with a frown.

“What?” he smirked at her. “Pinky here is loving on me,”

“Piglet is not loving on you!”

“Sure is. You are, aren’t you, big boy?!” Azriel cooed like an idiot, making baby voices. 

Piglet whimpered and panted even louder.

“He adores me!” Azriel announced.

“No, he doesn’t,” she insisted. “He just wants you to pick him up so he could sit on your lap.”

“My lap?”

“Yeah, that’s what he likes. He liked to be cradled like a baby. He is just playing you,” she huffed with a little ‘ha!’ in the end.

“You seriously want me to hold him like a baby?”

“I don’t care what you do. That’s what he wants.”

Groaning, Azriel bent and lifted Pinky off the floor. The dog was dense and heavy, bigger and heftier than he appeared. And what did Azriel do? Yep. He held him in his arms, like a baby. Pinky planted his flat face on Azriel’s forearm and made himself comfortable for the long haul.

Elain watched all of this in silence and then, unexpectedly, she took her phone and snapped a picture.

“I’d rather not have a photo of me at a matchmaker cradling her pug out there,” Azriel gritted through his teeth, and Elain rolled her eyes so hard, he feared she wouldn’t be able to bring them back from the back of her brain.

“Firstly, give me some credit,” she hissed. “Everything here is clad in utmost confidentiality. No one will ever know that you are here. Secondly, I am not taking a photo of you!”

“Who then?”

“Piglet obviously! I run a Instagram page for him ‘The Adventures of Piglet the Pug’,”

Azriel moaned "Sweet baby Moses. Are you for real?”

“I am for real!” she said proudly. “He has 1.2 million followers and gets all kinds of endorsements and even stars in adverts. So, say what you will about me. Be mean to me,”

“I am not mean to you!” he argued immediately.

“Right. Whatever you throw at me, I can take. But don’t be mean to Piglet. He is pure. His emotions are pure. He loves wholeheartedly. He doesn’t fake anything–if he doesn’t like you, you are going to know it right away. And for whatever unfathomable reason, he took to you. So treat him with respect. And if you don’t like him, then don’t make it look like you do. Give him your honesty.”

Azriel frowned and then protectively hugged Pinky tighter to his chest. “I do like him,” he murmured quietly, without looking at her. 

She sighed, half-incinerating him with her gaze, but then asked,

“What do you look for in a woman? Character-wise? What do you like? We’ll have to leave appearance preferences for now, because apparently your criteria is that she ‘looks like me’. And I don’t know how to work with that.”

“Easy,” he shrugged, “get me someone who looks like you.”

“Like I said. Moving on. Character? Disposition?”

Azriel even wrinkled his brow, thinking hard about the question.

Elain waited patiently.

He noticed that she had polished off the meat pie, and was now drinking tea, while getting all misty-eyed over her snoring dog in his lap. 

“Nice,” was Azriel’s final verdict.

“Nice what?”

“I want the wife to be nice,” he clarified.

“Nice?” she repeated looking utterly lost.

“Yeah, I’d like a nice wife. Not dramatic. Not bitchy. No nagging. Nice.”

“Could you please expand on ‘nice’ a bit?”

“I dunno what else to tell you, lady. Nice is nice.”

He thought for another moment, and then added, “Like you. Nice.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. You are pretty fucking nice, when you are not being a rager. So yeah. Like you. Nice. Homey.”

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Elain pressed, “Let’s then expand on ‘homey’. What does that mean to you?”

He made a wide sweep with his arm and said firmly, “this. This is homey. I ain’t ever had a home when it’s been like this. Nice and cosy, with a fire and a dog and a woman. So this. This is what I want.

“I want a nice woman, and a nice home.”

“So a housewife?”

“Nah, I don’t want no housewife. I want someone career-minded, who knows who she is and has her own interests and shit. I don’t want a Stage 5 Clinger.”

“A Stage 5 Clinger…”

“Yeah, you know, a sports’ groupie. Fucks any athlete hoping she’d get knocked up and he’d marry her.”

“O-kay…Remember how we discussed language?”

“Yeah. But I ain’t dating you, so we are fine. We are mates, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, Mr. Night, I am not going to go as far as ‘mates’. You are my client.”

“So mates then.”

Elain glazed at her monitor and said, “Alright, Mr. Night. I do have another appointment in 45 minutes. We will need to resume this at a later date.

“Meanwhile, I will ponder on your requirements of ‘pretty and nice’--as eye-opening as they are.”

“I don’t understand why you are complaining exactly,” Azriel wondered. “I just gave you the blueprint of what I want in a wife.”

“Yeah, your blueprint is ‘pretty and nice’. Oh, and how can I forget ‘nice soft tits’.”

“Nice soft tits are a must,” he nodded. “She should bake too.”

“Uh-uh. Of course. Your feminism game is strong.”

"Hey lady, I am a feminist! I actually organised and coaching a girls' football team in my spare time. So girls can participate in sports and play, build teams and relationships. I think it's very important. And I pay for the whole thing as well by myself. And Cass teaches them self-defence."

Elain stared at him, absolutely shocked.

Wasn't he the 'orgy guy' who fucked his way through sports groupies and didn't have a care in the world?

He was volunteering and coaching a girls' team?

"Are you trying to impress me, Mr. Night?"

He huffed, "I don't care what you think of me. Pretty sure you got your opinion all nice and set and wrapped in a shiny bow. Ain't gonna make no different what I tell you."

"That's not true. We have these meetings in order for me to learn more about you, so I can build a robust profile. And I appreciate you sharing this part of your life with me. This is impressive."

"Like I said, I care about women and women's rights--I am your regular Duke of Velaris," he winked, "but it don't mean that I don't want a wife with nice tits who can bake and make a home."

"I'll keep that in mind."

“What should I do with your giant sleeping pug in my arms? Considering that you are throwing me out of the house now.”

“I am not throwing you out!” she protested, blushing furiously.

“So you want me to stay?” he asked immediately.

“No!”

“So you are throwing me out?!”

All flustered, Elain stood up, smoothing her dress over her lovely hips and said,

“I am not throwing you out. I just have another client coming over. If you can, please take Piglet to the lounge and put him in his bed, but not the pouffe. He can fall off the pouffe when he is sleeping.”

“Christ Almighty. Should I breastfeed him as well?” Azriel grunted, as he got up from the chair, gingerly balancing the sleeping dog in his embrace and lifting himself clumsily, so as not to wake Pinky up. 

Elain trailed after him, but stayed behind in the kitchen while he arranged the pug in his wide luxurious bed. 

“All taken care of,” Azriel reported, returning to the kitchen. “He looked very comfortable.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, and then suddenly handed him a small paper bag.

“What’s that?”

“The biscuits. As promised. We won’t have time for tea today, but…here they are.”

Azriel took the bag wordlessly and looked down at this odd, contradictory girl.

It’s been a weird day and he suddenly realised that he spent most of it with her and he didn’t mind it. 

“Should I make another appointment then?” he asked at last, when the silence between them stretched to uncomfortable.

Elain snapped out of it and nodded frantically, with way too much enthusiasm.

“Yes! Sorry.”

“Might need your number for it,” he told her. 

“Umm,”

“Don’t know my schedule by heart,” he explained. “Training. Then I have games all through the weekend. I’ll have to ring you and set something up. Unless you have everything you need from me?”

Quickly, she said, “no, there needs to be further conversations. And if you may, please come better prepared next time. ‘Nice and good’ is not exactly a great criteria for me to go by…Though I am beginning to have some ideas about who I might match you with.”

Azriel handed her his phone wordlessly and jerked his chin. 

“Input your number,” he ordered.

While Elain did that, he said, his voice quiet,

“Or you don’t need to find me nobody.”

She looked up at him and asked, “230 million is no nevermind to you then?”

“It ain’t about the money. I can just marry you,” he proposed. “The offer stands, you know.”

“I am not marrying you, Mr. Night,” Elain said calmly. “Besides, I am annoying, a cow and a rager. You sure you want to be wed to me?”

“Yeah, you are,” he nodded solemnly. “But nobody is perfect. Look at it this way–it would do wonders for your business. Because you’d be a matchmaker who is actually, you know, married! Gives you some credibility. That you can actually bag a husband yourself and not just peddle them to strangers.”

“Wow. You’ve just insulted every single thing that I am and do. All in one sentence. Congratulations.”

“Listen, I am just telling it like it is,”

“Of course you are.”

“You don’t want to come off as the Crazy Pug Lady. And you are knocking on that door loud and clear, lassie.”

“Ahhh and what are you? My prince? My knight in shining armour who comes to rescue me from my wretched spinsterhood?”

“Something like that,” he agreed graciously. “Only I’ll be wanting something in return now,”

“Ahh, and what might that be?”

“The offer of ‘no conjugals’ was yesterday’s offer. Now, when I marry you, it’s full on consummation.”

At that, Elain gasped softly and stepped back.

“Don’t worry, Ms. Archeron,” Azriel chuckled. “I am not the ravishing type. Like I said, conjugals upon marriage.”

“It sounds more like a prison sentence,” she grimaced. “Thankfully, said conjugals won’t be coming to pass. Here is your phone,” she handed it back to him. “When you are free, ring me up.”

“That’s it? Just like that. A cold hard dismissal of my proposal?” he laughed.

“You might have to work on your proposals. Like you have to work on your language. And your manners. And your courting skills. You have a ways’ to go.”

Azriel took his jacket out of the closet and winked at her.

“Bye for now, Crazy Pug Lady. Give my regards to Pinky.”

Elain smooshed her lower lip between her fingers, looking at him, and then commanded, “Put that scarf on.”

“What?”

“Put the scarf on. I don’t want you to catch a chill.”

He took her scarf and wrapped it around his neck. “I’ll give it back to you next time,” he promised, thinking that just like that, he had an excuse to come back here. 

“Can’t wait.”

[flavored-soda]

Do you think they'll kill Tommy off next episode? As someone posted, Lou said he is in 4 episodes, and next is his no.4 and He said people will love Tommy by the end as it's final. And there's a photo of a body that has been shared.

god, i hope not. i think that would such shit writing to kill off a character just as they are becoming such a key part in another character’s arc.

but then again i did sit through all of supernatural multiple times and i tortured myself by watching all of riverdale, so i’ve lost almost all faith in tv writers 😭 (although bisexual buck being canon has restored some hope).

i also have seen people talking about jonah coming back but i honestly dont know. ive been trying to rack my brain for someone else that maybe has some more personal beef with chimney but i cant think of anyone. it will probably take another rewatch of at least season 4-5 up until now for me to sort it out or come up with ideas.

either way i don’t think its tommy. and i really dont hope it is.

[sugaldean]

Emily Axford is so good. This first scene with the woolf is perfect

I knew I was right to love Big Bad Wolf

"I always say I hate pickles but I loove pickles

NO STOP"

#PONDLIFE

I love this cricket. I love it.

Theeeere we go with the Kings

That boar was awful whaou

Snow hold I'm starting to despise you. And I learned about you 15sec ago. Pib AND Gerard? Fucked up

Oooooh Toy Island let's gooo

Gerard kids in Toy Island will love you, they might have fun torturing you but they will love you

Pib ily. But. How was Tomas a great king who played by the rules? He came to you because he felt he had no skills and you tricked the kingdom to consider him as a king.

Yeah thank you Wolf

Oh Pib that's perfect "you don't play by the rules - - I think no one ever asked me if I wanted these rules"

"You're gonna hate comedy if you hate three" Ally I love it

Pinocchio the little wooden boy, ex-warlock of the disturber of the worlds (Stepmother) is about to make a sex joke at the Big Bad Wolf (deific version of death) and all of his friends are treating him like a king. Rosamund is kneeling, Pib is giving him his weapons, Timothy is Le Penseur de Rodin,Gerard is holding is action. Ofc Ylfa is laughing

Oh they are all kneeling with Le Penseur positions.

Al of them trying to not die of laughter is the best medicine in the world. Ally sneaking out, Siobhan and Emily laughing so hard, Zac and Murph trying to hold it

Brennan and Lou having to be invested otherwise this episode will never end

FIVE?? TWELVR?

Oh! Brennan you genius

The best grave is not the one you dig yourself. It's the one your friend enthusiastically dig for you after thing you up to a tree. Pinocchio can testify cause them pushing him to have a second joke is truly a betrayal.

Like. Asking your improviser friend to come up on a joke in front of a Death deity is diabolical

So in the Neverafter. They have movie theater, posters, movies and the Wolf of Wall Street. Also wolves have pockets. And wigs

MURPH. INCREDIBLE. The posture? The tone? "one day you're going to die - - I know" hilarious

Add to to-do list: watching Death fuck so I can have material for real life (death?) comic material to not die

The wolf talking about Baba Yaga is everything I've ever wished from any media. That's perfection I want to write an essay about it. Two of the biggest folklore characters. Both neutral and bad.

"she's kind of quirky"

Canon in the dimen 20 universe: Baba Yage plays the Ukulele

If you want to know you can find ukulele cover of Fast Car. Easily

[suzannahnatters]

My final Love Like the Galaxy reaccs!!! the tl;dr:  I loved it and it's the sort of show that probably demands to be seen twice because TWISTS and HINDSIGHT so IDK, one day maybe! Anyway it's either on Viki or on YouTube for anyone who wants to see what happens when Jane Austen comedy of manners meets The Count of Monte Cristo, but, like, in Ancient China, featuring an epic romance between a naive sledgehammer engineer girl and the terrifying murder general who cannot help looking utterly besotted with her every time she drifts past: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZZZLpfFwcBprNI6msl3NWt3pdX6F-eGs And now: for the reaccs for episodes 43-56, including the famous Murder Party (TM), check under the cut!!!

If Yang Yang ends up with Smug Scholar instead of her sweet little marquis I WILL throw things (thankfully, the sweet little marquis is getting actual screentime with her)

oh I LOVE this: the Empress apologises to Consort Yue for stealing her husband, and Consort Yue points out that if it's anyone's fault it's the Emperor's, and why should the Empress apologise? it's the little things, you know?!

I love that in amongst all this scowly strategising and betrayal and people's families in mortal danger…there's a whole running joke about whether the armour Niao Niao made her beloved makes him look more like a chicken or a mandarin duck

cdramas asking the real questions

wow they really kept like 90% of the action budget for this episode and money well spent say I

once again murder general is rushing off to save our girl, only this time he guesses precisely where she is and what she's doing, and knows she's probably doing a great job of it :')

GASP we are suspicious of Elder Brother Snacks now???

I've got a bad feeling about him and the crown princess turning out to be bad eggs - almost as though we're building up to a BIG BETRAYAL between our babies

Wan QiQi swaggering into prison in a wedding dress is the energy I aspire to

Hmm… Lou Ben feels very very foreshadowy of an obsessive man making a self destructive choice to grab what he wants no matter how it hurts the woman he loves

All the foreshadowing is REALLY mounting up now - Snacks still caring about NN but not wanting to see her after what she's done, NN observing of another couple that they were birds on the same tree but flew apart when trouble came

Anyway we are all headed for a heck of a third act breakup aren't we

is zisheng,,, allergic to almonds

what an absolutely bonkers twist

poor little Wang Ling! how terrible does her family have to be that she is trying to save her murderous traitor of an elderly husband, just because he treated her better than anyone else in her life?

"he even had a flower garden planted in my courtyard to please me, although he has life-threatening asthma! which means that he can't visit me very often! he's the best husband, Niao Niao!" okay Mrs Charlotte Collins

"Cheng Shaoshang, it seems you really don't know anything about Ling Zisheng" OOOOOOHH

Smug Scholar: a voice of reason. a stickler by the rules. an indefatigable drama queen who is quite ready to beg murder general to go right ahead, be his guest, do crime, because then Smug might get to marry Niao Niao instead

torture is always wrong, revenge kids! that said, it's very funny that murder general has been busy with hot iron and boiling oil all night and found out nothing, while NN has put herself fully abreast of the situation armed with nothing more than…a conversation with a female acquaintance

"wait - all that stuff you did in my name was ALSO in pursuit of your revenge plot? who are you really?" this show keeps serving the best stuff

matching bite marks on the arm is a way cooler idea than matching tattoos tbh

why are you not telling her, zisheng, she already knows!!!

she's sworn up and down (with bitten arms!) that she won't mind, it's keeping this from her that she can't forgive, get a clue!!!!!

ooooo - we have been cordially invited to a MURDER PARTY love the gearchange from Jane Austen Romcom to Jacobean Revenge Tragedy

OK LET'S GO, WHERE'S THAT MURDER PARTY I WAS PROMISED

Glad that we were given this scene of Marquis Chengyang being delusional and Chunyu being Justly Terrified that the young man obsessed with revenge has finally agreed to come to his father's birthday party, it doesn't quite explain how nobody realises this is Very Bad News but at least lampshades it

Since filial piety is the norm in this society, I guess it's hard for the elders to realise just how at risk they are from someone unfilial!

I LOVE that Chunyu (sp? the stepmother) gets a whole speech to point out the hypocrisy of HER continually bearing the blame of "climbing into the master's bed" after so many ppl in the show have ridiculed her for it as though it wasn't a decision made by the marquis

oooooooooooohhh this is amazing: Yang Yang is disturbed that NN's farewell before the wedding sounds like she doesn't ever intend to return home. and from NN's response, she KNOWS murder general is about to do something crazy and is fully prepared to suffer the consequences alongside him

it's…really amazing that during the stretch of the cdrama when the male lead traditionally starts Machinating and Scheming and lying to the female lead about it, THIS show keeps the heroine's agency intact, she sees right through his lies, she is still front and centre. Chef's kiss.

she knows where it's happening; she knowns when it's happening; she's sending someone for news. she's amazing and so are these writers.

meanwhile: murder general refusing to enlighten the marquis as to his true identity is Irene of Athens-level pettiness and I love it

the way this show keeps this whole episode focused on the story's main character even though she has little to do with -

oh wait never mind she has decided to involve herself anyway!!! now we get the entire Cheng family charging into battle? with NN at their head on a black horse? EPIC?????

well THAT was the best of Jacobean revenge tragedy

shocked to discover that Zisheng has Always Known who was really behind the fall of the lone city - he's just been quietly, methodically working through the destruction of all the perpetrators, COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO style

I love a protagonist who holds cards so close to his chest that not even the audience knows what's going on

more than that, it really adds nuance to the show's themes about revenge. Sometimes the system is broken, & even in a good system people will sometimes get away with murder. What to do then?

I can't support the vindictiveness of the leads (& I'm not sure I'm meant to) but as revenge plots go, I like the weightiness of the themes - how to fight for yourself in a world where laws and manners tell you you shouldn't? - better than Dumas' more superficial take.

where did these two henchmen come from, because they are NOT being paid enough to be part of this absolute disaster

also WHEE Niao Niao gets to swoop in and save HIM for once! Well done our girl!

oh what an idiot. what an absolute peanut.

I was pulling for you, murder general, but I'm not sure how you'll manage to come back from doing the One Thing (abandoning her) she asked you not to do

she's still calling him by his false name T_T

something something she only ever knew him by his false name and identity not his true one

moment of silence, please, I'm experiencing an emotion

well, duh - of COURSE Third Prince is here to collect NN to go help him plead for murder general, who has obviously been quietly helping him all along. even better: we don't know if NN is just figuring this out now or has known it for months but she understands it perfectly, just like we do, the moment she sees Third Prince's face

!!! murder general has been deceiving everyone in so many other ways too???????

it's not just that he knew all along who was responsible for the lone city's fall and has just been working silently to gather evidence on them: he ALSO has been playing four dimensional speed chess with palace politics, supporting a totally different faction to the one he was supposed to be aligned with?

IT WAS HIM IN THE PAGODA ALL ALONG????

I just love the sort of character who plays certain things SO close to the chest while also being utterly open and vulnerable about certain other things. like, as long as we trust their judgement for hiding the certain things and know it's not for purposes of control. and while NN does interpret his secretiveness as control, due to her upbringing, it's also easy in hindsight to see things from zisheng's POV: he is playing not one but several high stakes political games, treading a tightrope between the prince he is supposed to be supporting versus the prince who would clearly be a better choice, and now suddenly thrown into the middle of all this is a naive and well-meaning sledgehammer fiancee who is an absolute force of nature but who is not yet quite insightful enough to see and understand where the deep waters run; she's simply driven by personal loyalty to protect her empress' son. and she keeps forcing choices on him: protect her, or serve the Third Prince? and he makes tremendous sacrifices, as with the Tiger Tally, to save both of them. so is he going to take the risk and tell her and trust in her, or is he going to keep her in the dark just about this, until the game is over (it's so close to being over) and he can be as candid about these things as he can be about everything else?

but at the same time, he was so frustrated with her for not being candid with him, for not telling him when the mean girls tried to KILL her, for lying to him about choosing to help the crown prince - he should have known better than to reproach her about this when he was doing exactly the same things to her all along.

I love that the show just doesn't support him in this. for two people who both say they want to work as a team, these two both spend an awful lot of time keeping things from each other. and it's only after going away and thinking about it that I start to see his side of the story at all, because she is so totally front-and-centred in the way the story is told.

oh wow - now she gets a whole speech and thesis statement about how just because she's a woman she shouldn't be shut out of her husband's confidence, and ends: "Ling Buyi is my most beloved person in the world. But I am still me."

I love this show so much

It's really wild that murder general, who everyone knows went on a murderous rampage to kill the entire Ling clan, goes from being condemned to death to the apple of the emperor's eye based on his surname changing

no doubt it's historically accurate and murder uncle, at least, deserved it - but for me it's just another sign of how irretrievably this system is broken, that bloodline so clearly outweighs right and wrong.

I'll be chewing over the question of whether this last-minute aversion of filial impiety ("it's ok! he was doing it to avenge his REAL father!") undermines NN's previous point about the right to filial reverence depends on a parent's conduct, or whether it's an author's saving throw to secure a HEA

"but I can never forgive him for abandoning me - he even swore it was for my sake" aha! How To Critique The Break Her Heart To Save Her Trope (Without Actually Using The Trope??????) this show didn't HAVE to hunt down and kill every bad Asian drama romance trope like this but is that stopping it? no

Empress telling NN that whatever decision she makes, she will support her in - hits like a punch because the only person who's told her this till now is murder general. On the other hand it is comforting, and underlines the themes of NN being a whole person without him, bc she still has love and support!

as an aside, I also like how the show has handled NN's terrible parents. by the end of the show, she's fought for, and won, their respect and support, & has come to understand the pressures they are under. but she will never love them the way she loves the Empress, bc they haven't earned that love. I feel this consolidates the filial piety critique.

we finally get to hear murder general's side of the story - and it's fascinating to hear him say that he failed. he did everything to bring ling yi to justice - and couldn't. the murder party was his failure.

I'm finding the murder party less problematic at this point than the Censorate beating

whoah, the empress is sailing in to admit that she spoiled her children until they were useless, so she's not upset about the crown prince being demoted? seems a rather unfortunate theme if children are only ever bad because of bad parenting

NN still taking absolutely no prisoners in the romance, though: "oh, I understand you perfectly. the problem is that you never understood ME" that's quite a burn

The Empress is now requesting to be deposed, and it's a complicated scene - is she blaming herself, or voicing regrets? I think she's regretting not fighting for herself: as she points out, her accepting a menage a trois has not spoiled Consort Yue's life so much as it has spoiled her own chance at love.

while the show has sometimes been finger-wagging, it's saved here bc she also blames the Emperor for going along with the flow, too, and tamely accepting a three-way marriage.

meanwhile at home, everyone's like "Niao Niao is so mature now!" and I'm sitting here like NO SHE'S NOT, SHE'S HAD ALL THE HAPPINESS CRUSHED OUT OF HER and…….along comes Not-Quite-So-Bad-Mum to say that precise thing, and confess to having been wrong all along???? This show just keeps hitting.

Love that NN's 3rd brother is completely on her side at this moment. he understands the assignment ("break up with murder general and send him away with a flea in his ear") and executes it with prejudice.

oh…mum has repented too late. I'm not sorry for her, but I AM sorry for the way NN chooses to spend the next forever - when there were so many things she wanted to see and do!

and now: five years' worth of mutual pining in excruciatingly aesthetic slomo, thank you

meanwhile everyone in the Cheng family is getting married? Yang Yang is getting married? Mum's warrior maid is getting married? Good for you warrior maid!

Smug Scholar, otoh, has remained UNmarried for our girl, and I actually love the choice he's presenting her - NN doesn't much care who she marries if it's a business arrangement; she just won't marry the man she loves knowing he was willing to lie to her and abandon her

is it really weird that I suddenly want to write the story about the coldly pragmatic fake marriage of convenience between NN and Smug Scholar

!!!! she IS going to get engaged to him??? murder general is going to come back from five years of picturesquely scruffy suffering to find her engaged to Smug Scholar??!?!?!!!??!

oh this will be GOOD

"thanks, but I can ride without stirrups these days" I love that this show is allowing the heroine to establish a life of her own apart from the hero - they have to be complete on their own before they can be good for each other.

and now: a break from reality for an absolutely bonkers carriage chase, which, because this is a cdrama, comes complete with one of the parties trying to extort a proposal of marriage from the person chasing them

I swear this is the third time this exact same cliff has cropped up in this show, one would think that people would know better than to gallop madly down the DEAD END CLIFF ROAD

Empress pays her last respects to the emperor: "I know that if it wasn't for Emperor Li's tyranny you would have asked nothing more than to live a simple life" LIESSSS this man requires a constant stream of drama to live, how would he have survived as a gentleman farmer?

"if you are truly filial, don't exchange your life for mine. Live well." while this show has come down in the end in favour of filial piety, I think that for the most part it keeps filial piety where it belongs: subordinate to ethics - and that's something I can get behind.

With NN decided that murder general is not the man for her and murder general determined to accept her decision, I really don't see how this will get believably sorted out in the next…3 eps. Bc she's absolutely right, he had his chance and he blew it. That said, I was really worried the show would blame her for being unreasonable, but only the recent antagonist has done that

even NN's mother is now telling him: we don't need you to perform guilt for us, we also had our chance with NN and blew it, now we can only defer to her conscience AND YOU SHOULD TOO

so, I guess we're headed for an "undeserved grace" ending, and I hope they make it a convincing one and not cheap, bc it's too late to show him doing any work to prove his repentance.

oh I love this scene: she tells him she forgives him but cannot trust him, and he without defending himself, vows to live well and take care of himself (because quietly protecting the people she cares about is the one last thing he can do for her)

and he won't ever tell her that he's been doing this because he knows it would only make her despise him more!!!

time for the bad family to apologise, the grandmother in particular for trying to control her children, and Niao Niao to decide no longer to carry resentment, but to dwell on the people who love her instead

I love that the themes have largely to do with resisting control, even when it's from family members, and fighting for yourself. Even more, I love that the highest expression of this theme comes in the trust there's supposed to be between husband and wife. Sometimes, lack of communication IS an attempt at control - although on thinking it over I'm not sure it always has been that on murder general's side. but if there's one thing the past five years must have taught him, it's that he's going to have to be be particularly open with this particular woman, because her family HAS tried so hard to be controlling in the past, and she can't take even the appearance of it from him.

somehow, yet another of NN's old enemies has an overly complicated plan to kill her sigh

loving how murder general jumps into this trap and promptly becomes useless and it's time for the lil henchmen to save the day

stop shouting his name and figure out how to open the trapdoors Niao Niao, smoke inhalation is no joke

murder general looks amazing for someone who was just blown up

TEARFUL RECONCILIATION SCENE

ahaha Snacks has fallen in love with his wife, we love to see it

Smug Scholar, meanwhile (exact words): are you all done flaunting your love?

EXPLODING PICKLES

flailing I love it NN is deploying her secret weapon….the family Cheng

"you can't be in two places at once, General!"

maybe not, but wifey and he can

"i'd like to see who interferes with my best granddaughter's marriage!"

*smash cut to the emperor having a hissyfit because he can't interfere with the marriage *

it's over? pokes couch cushions for spare episodes

OK I LOVED that murder general's grand gesture in the final ep comes in the form of a dilemma. should he go rescue his beloved as everyone is telling him - or should he stay on task, submit to everyone's ridicule for not protecting his woman, and risk her thinking he's abandoned her again?

his answer shows that at last, he has come to truly understand her (five years after she told him he'd never understood her). it's not physical abandonment she truly fears. what she fears is not being trusted & allowed to act as his equal. So he leaves her to protect Guo village while he stays on HIS task. His grand gesture, after so many rescues, is not to rescue her at all.

SCREAMING at that moment when Third Prince is like, seriously, mate, you'd better not abandon her! she needs help!!! go on I'll be fine!! and Zisheng VISIBLY WAVERS and then pulls himself together and shouts GUO VILLAGE HAS NIAO NIAO! GUO VILLAGE WILL BE FINE!!!

since the root of the contention between them was always him not treating her as an equal, this is probably the best proof of change we could get in the screentime. and the show is very insistent to tell us that if NN bends to take him back, it's because it's what SHE wants, not bc she can't survive without him.

the show does give her that moment of fright during the explosion to rush her past her abandonment issues, but since the real issue was always about control, I can make my peace with it. Similarly, she taught him a 5-year lesson about not consulting her. He knows - & her family makes it explicit - that he can never pull something like this again.

final overall thoughts: I have rarely seen such a well done romance in Asian drama, especially cdrama. The show was long & got repetitive, especially in the 2nd half, even though it had some of my favourite stretches as NN starts fighting for respect & equality within her marriage.

The themes about family, state, and fighting for oneself got fingerwaggy at a lot of points, many side characters were brutally humiliated and many of the numerous female characters became nonsensically villainous just to give NN antagonists. So, I would say the show is quite flawed.

that said, what this show does well, it does SO WELL. I was absolutely invested in this romance to an extent that is very rare for me. I was delighted by the way the show critiques asian romance tropes, there's a wonderful Dumas-level revenge plot, the fight scenes while rare are terrific, the show remains laser focused on its female protagonist all the way to the end, and if you are not delighted by the utterly besotted looks murder general serves up five times per episode, I don't know what to do with you.

[calder]

super mutant coverage from Nukapedia's page on Disability representation. for better or worse. feedback welcome

The Children of the Cathedral are a cult in the ruins of L.A. who mutate and torture their congregants and captives to various ends, forever changing their bodies and minds. Some are transformed into pliable servitors through torturous consecration--an honor second only to baptism, the metamorphic birth of super mutants through the transformative FEV vats at Mariposa to the north.

Most super mutants are mentally impaired, but generally capable of reason. They are infertile due to their quad-helix DNA, which factors heavily into the main plot. All super mutants encountered in Fallout are slaves to the Master, so they are generally inclined to attack to the player, but almost (if not) all of them can be spoken to under specific circumstances.

Harry is a voiced mutant with a simplistic, childlike manner of speaking. If the Vault Dweller kills the various super mutants in the area, he will avenge each of his friends by name in combat, and mourn one as his brother.[1][2] If the player has already destroyed the vats, he will only ask to be left alone.[3][4]

When the Master is killed, super mutants flee the region out of fear.[5] For decades thereafter, baptized survivors of the Cathedral remained shunned from human society. Even those living in far-away rehabilitory seclusion are subjected to harassment, defamation, displacement, and genocide, engineered by the NCR government.[6]

These details contrast some later depictions of super mutants as interchangeable and inherently hyper-violent creatures incapable of peace.

Super mutants derived from prime normals (unirradiated humans) tend to exhibit hyper-intelligence, or at least normal cognitive function.

The mutant Lou Tenant speaks with a highly sophisticated and dramatic voice due to his hyper-intelligence. No other super mutant in the setting has exhibited this affected style of speech.

Some adherents are altered in a chemical process called "consecration."[7][8] The survivors of this process, though apparently human, are rendered insane.[9][10] The cult honors them as the "servitor" class, but non-believers pejoratively refer to them as "zombies" for their inability to think normally. Most of these "zombies" zealously espouse the cult's propaganda and show little individuality.

The servitor Dane is kept in the Inner Sanctum. He suffers terribly from disturbing hallucinations as a result of his consecration.[7] He converses with himself at length in two distinct intonations. At one point, he derides himself as a "schizo bastard."[11] He also experiences periods of lucidity, and begs the Vault Dweller to kill Father Lasher for his abuse of Calder the Flower Child.

Nightkin are the most exalted of the Cathedral's castes. Psychically inclined, they serve as high-level guards and military officers. They use Stealth Boys to stay invisible at all times, even when alone in their private quarters at night. A small library at the Cathedral is occupied only by nightkin, and a computer can be found in the nightkin barracks. The Master is able to communicate with them telepathically. Dane claims to hear the nightkin crying.

In Fallout 2, most super mutants live peacefully at Broken Hills, a settlement where all sorts of humans and mutants are welcome.

In Brotherhood of Steel, all the super mutants (such as Attis), are infertile. This is a key aspect of the game's plot, as the Attis Army are seeking a cure for their infertility.

Most super mutants are mentally disabled.

Several potential health and ability issues are indicated by a scene which depicts a super mutant relieving himself while flailing his arms above his head and screaming, as he blasts the back tank of a closed toilet from several feet away with an unthinkable procession of urine too visually graphic to further describe.[Video 1]

All super mutants in Fallout 3 except for Fawkes and Uncle Leo are portrayed as ravenous cannibals barely capable of speech. Fawkes is ostracized by the super mutants of Vault 87 for displaying complex thought. If the player eavesdrops on super mutant enemies, they seem to be constantly confused and angry.

Jacobstown functions as a haven and rehabilitation center for super mutants, especially the nightkin who are suffering from schizophrenia due to prolonged Stealth Boy usage. Two doctors reside here, hoping to find some way to help them medically with their mental struggles.

Lily Bowen, a nightkin herself and resident of Jacobstown, is an elderly woman with dementia. She frequently mistakes the Courier for her grandchild (Jimmy or Becky depending on the gender) and also suffers schizophrenia like most nightkin. Taking damage may cause her to lapse into violent behavior, similar to mood swings, during which she claims to be guided by a voice she calls "Leo." Her companion quest focuses on getting Lily to either take her medication consistently (to help control her psychosis and silence "Leo"), or stop taking it altogether (later resulting in "Leo" completely taking over and Lily becoming violently psychotic, perhaps permanently).

The mutant separatist Tabitha suffers from mania. She also seems to have some degree of dissociative identity disorder. A robot named Rhonda helps her manage the symptoms of her mental conditions. With Rhonda disabled, Tabitha's mental condition is deteriorating.

Tabitha's Black Mountain mutants are presented as a violent parallel faction to the peaceful community of Jacobstown.

A super mutant named Neil guards the pass to Black Mountain, and warns people to stay away for their own safety, especially at night. He maintains his post simply because he is in a position to prevent violence on a significant scale. Neil is not mentally disabled, and will not tolerate microaggressions pertaining to his condition, both out of self-respect and respect for differently abled metamorphic people. He is quick to forgive those who apologize, but any other option will result in him terminating the conversation.

The presentation of Tabitha as a violent nightkin with a comedic low-detail blond wig has been criticized as falling into cheap, antiquated tropes related to disabled and queer people. The depiction of Gail in Fallout 76 as a benevolent, dignified super mutant woman with mental disabilities has been praised in comparison.

The nightkin Dog and God has been called a portrayal of dissociative identity disorder. Both identities are aware of the other. Each desires complete control over the body and refers to losing agency to the other as being "put in the cage/basement." The nightkin's story ends with either an act of suicide that kills the body and both identities with it, one personality taking over permanently, or the Courier helping to create a new unified identity.

This new identity is, in turn, struck with amnesia, unable to recall any details of that which transpired before its synthesis.

Fans with similar conditions have suggested that the presentation of efficaciously "resolving" this person into a single personality to "unlock their good ending" is a simplistic and clichéd character arc. It presents the character's mind and identity as something to be immediately "solved" by a manipulative stranger, in the form of a life-changing ego death triggered by a single violent and traumatizing event. The relatively complex presentation of fellow nightkin character Lily has been praised in comparison.

Dead Eye is a blind super mutant who lives with a larger group of mutants.

Super mutants are once again depicted as disorganized cannibals who live only to pillage.[23] The only conversant super mutant characters (aside from the isolated case of Virgil) are Strong and Erickson, both of who were othered by their immediate groups for expressing different and/or complex thought. Super mutants in the Commonwealth can be seen impulsively carrying out suicide bombings using mini nukes, despite canonically having no ideology[23] or even an apparent internal hierarchy apart from leadership by strength.

Strong, a potential companion, became very interested in a line from MacBeth when Rex Goodman was captured while trying to teach it to the super mutants, though it seems he simply became fixated on the notion that "the milk of human kindness" was a literal physical liquid hidden somewhere in the world that confers the "power of humans" on the drinker; Strong believes he could find and drink this milk to become stronger. He was imprisoned along with Rex by Fist for this. He never particularly expresses a deeper comprehension of the literary themes of MacBeth past his obsession with finding the milk of human kindness.

Erickson became a survivalist after splitting from his group on the Island. He claims the Fog helped him "think straight," which made him unable to continue working for his brutal leader. He is the only super mutant in Fallout 4 to be seen speaking with proper syntax except for Virgil.

Virgil is a former Institute scientist who deliberately turned himself into a super mutant to survive in the Glowing Sea and hopes to reverse his condition. He retains his intelligence but suffers from anger issues. He also has difficulty articulating the use of his hands.

The super mutant merchant Grahm was arguably the only non-robotic NPC in Fallout 76 at launch. He travels with a brahmin he calls "Chally the moo-moo," apparently unable to pronounce the name "Charlie."

Gail is a super mutant woman who lives among the Core crew of the Crater Raiders. She is singularly concerned with protecting the human child Ra-Ra. She finds humans very annoying and confusing. She casually admits to not understanding some events which happen around her.

Ra-Ra mentions that she wants to grow up to be like Meg and Gail, suggesting that she sees both as powerful and dignified women.

Her design has no elements which might frame her masculine physicality as comedic, or imply she is "crazy."

Maul is a super mutant who exhibits the typical simplified speech and love of mayhem, but concerns himself with intellectual pursuits such as video games and comics. He wears a small pair of glasses, and he may respond to dialogue prompts with nonverbal scoffs. Maul is an archetypical "comic book guy" character, and accordingly resembles an autistic RPG fan. Like Gail, Maul finds humans and their interests to be obnoxious and inscrutable, and makes no attempt to hide his contempt for the player character.

Maul infodumps about his special interest fictions. His favorite IP seems to be Grognak the Barbarian.

Some of his analysis of fictional situations reveals a difficulty understanding social cues.

At times, his descriptions of the video game adaptation evoke discussions of soulslike games.

Contrasting his vocal misanthropy, he expresses great affinity for animals. He considers himself a dog person, because 'cat require more patience than Maul prepared to give.' If Maul had cats, he would name them Bramble and Zil.

[blueiight]

something ive talked about casually but never made a post on is how armand’s name in amc iwtv s1 is rashid which translates to “one who rightly guides those [to god]”. rashid can also mean ‘a steward of true belief’ suggest ‘maturation’ in a spiritual sense [but maybe also a literal sense here lol]. in sunni islam, the first 4 caliphs [political leaders of a religious state] were the prophet muhammed’s closest companions, called the rashīdun [rightly guided ones] bc of their proximity to muhammed’s message, and sunni muslims are encouraged to take inspiration from prophet muhammed and his closest companions. this is really interesting when u think of one of book armand’s many names being amadeo, which is a theophoric name basically meaning it mentions god n specifically amadeo means “love of god”, whether its someone who loves god or is loved by god . dual meaning. marius bestowed armand this bc of armand’s piety & tortured relationship to faith, as well as likening himself to a god in a way thru re-creating armand as a vampire. this begs a lot of questions as to what the show intends for armand’s faith, least of all bc armand’s suicide attempt in mtd is driven [in part] by witnessing ostentatiously catholic proofs of a catholic god, and he spends hundreds of years enmeshed in catholic [or anti catholic structures that still operate on a catholic understanding of the devil/satan/god] & a few of those years locked away cuz of some catholics. theres a lot of things amc could do with a now muslim armand, especially bc he would be in an era where the tides of power change from muslim control in certain areas to christian control [tho idk how close he would be to them areas presuming hed still be in central euro + italy n the parts of italy he was at was like. always a bulwark of christianity in euro] & how very possible catholic incursions on his islamic faith / forced conversion even? may impact why he [or whoever deemed him rashid if not himself] likened him to a mere guardian of/ to god rather than beloved by god. or what if hes also rashid to indicate his stewardship over lou in s1 [‘i serve a god’] 🤔

[brinleyparke]

Steve and Chin's friendship is so underrated.

Part 3

When Steve was younger, he'd make his mom drive him to all of Chin's games so that he could study Chin's footwork.

Chin would go with Steve's dad to Steve's football games.

When Steve runs into Chin after meeting with Governor Jameson in the pilot, Steve gets a huge smile on his face the moment he recognizes him.

When Steve recruited Chin to the team, he only asked him one question: Did he steal the money? Chin told him no, and that was good enough for Steve. Steve knew he could trust Chin simply because his dad had trusted Chin.

Steve stole/borrowed $10 million from the asset forfeiture locker to save Chin's life.

When Steve was framed for murder, Chin rejoined HPD despite everything they did to him because he knew he "could help Steve more as a cop than an unemployed civilian."

When Danny and Chin get to Max's house after Steve escaped from prison, Danny immediately starts yelling and ranting, but the first thing out of Chin's mouth is "are you okay?"

Chin, along with the rest of the team, went to North Korea to save Steve.

Chin asked Steve to be his best man.

Steve took 3-4 hits to the vest for Chin.

After Malia's death, Steve knew Chin wasn't sleeping, so he'd call Chin in the middle of the night to see if he wanted to go get coffee. Then, he'd meet Chin at a cafe/diner near Chin's place and just be there for Chin.

In 6x25, when they got the news about Steve's liver, Chin (and the rest of the team) offered to get tested to see if he was a match.

Chin, along with Kono and Lou, went to Morocco to help Steve. While in Morocco, they helped Steve sneak into a CIA blacksite to save his mom.

When Chin got the call that Sara had been kidnapped and ran out of his birthday party, Steve was the one to follow him out, catch up to him, and calm him down enough to come up with a plan.

Steve, along with the rest of the team and eventually Adam, went to Mexico to help Chin get Sara back. While in Mexico, Steve got onto a cartel leader's compound twice to have a sitdown with said cartel leader so they could figure out who was behind Sara's kidnapping. After Chin trades himself for Sara, Steve tortures a guy to figure out where Chin is being held.

Steve was the first person Chin told that he was going to propose to Abby.

While Steve is close to everyone on the team, especially Danny, Chin was Steve's dad's partner, so I think that creates a unique bond between Chin and Steve. Also, Chin and Steve lost their fathers in very similar ways.