#and as someone whose fic does really good for a while and then doesnt get as much attention and comments and stuff

[maaaxx]

✨💌🙋‍♀️🎨 for the ask game <3<3<3

✨ - give your writing a compliment.

Even though the execution is shit, it has a good plot.

💌 - How do you feel about comments and feedback.

I absolutely adore comments and feedback. I try to be as open as I know how to be when people reach out to me, but im just shit at it. lol.

But like comments on my fics, asks, dms, everything is highly appreciated, and it makes my day every time.

I love it so much and it is so encouraging.

🙋‍♀️ - Do any people irl know you write fanfic.

I have on friend that knows i do. And what fandom, but I refuse to tell them any other details. like i know their tumblr and i have them blocked on here.

I have a list of people who if I found out they read my fic im deleting it.

(hi sri)

And my friend is definetly on that list. So if my fic ever gets deleted for seemingly no reason thats why.

🎨 - How do you feel about fanart of your stories.

I have never had fanart made of any of my stories and if i someone ever did make fanart of one of my stories i would bawl my eyes out.

[burglarbagginsbag]

Alright so I have this fic idea which I’m probably not going to write out bc I’m not fluent in English BUT my idea that i had for a bamf!Bilbo bagginshield fic:

Everyones already seen it and probably read it but Bilbo is a bamf (AU)

Important background information: Bilbo is like half dwarf (regarding strength, life expectancy, etc) but still has the appearance of a hobbit which is why (even though he has been out on adventures already) he was able to settle down in the shire and blend in with the mass without any problems

So when Gandalf goes to bag end to recrute Bilbo as a burglar Bilbo recognizes him immediately bc they’ve been on adventures together before (and yes bilbo is happy to see gandalf bc im a sucker for bilbo and gandalf being friends)

And Gandalf is like “ok you see theres this dwarf king and his 12 ppl who need to reclaim their homeland and i dont want them to get themselves killed by accident so could you go with them?”

and bilbo is like “i actually have enough gold i dont rly need a new job but it sounds kinda fun, bring them over for dinner and then tell me more”

So Gandalf is satisfied and tells thorin and his company that they are expected for dinner

When Bilbo prepares for the evening he watches out that some of his curls cover his eyes and a part of his face and puts on baggy clothes so his stature isnt revealed bc no one outside the shire really knows what bilbo looks like - they only heard stories about him and bilbo wants to keep it this way

Dwalin arrives and is like “at your service” and Bilbo is actually polite and everything, shows him the dining room and welcomes dwalin and dwalin is like “??? isnt this a hobbit shouldnt he be kinda freaked out? ok guess gandalf was right when he said that this dud is chill”

and so bilbo welcomes all the dwarfes (except thorin of course bc this dwarf lost his way twice) and they are all a bit surprised by the hospitality but dont complain

So movie verse they eat and throw food and all and even though bilbo is not pleased he doesnt say anything but observes his guests, cocks an eyebrow at gandalf from time to time while gandalf shoots him half amused half apologetical smiles

And then thorin knocks, everyones going silent again and gandalf says “he’s here”

And Bilbo opens the door by himself looks at the dwarf while thorin just enters not even looking at bilbo but greeting gandalf and you see in gandalf’s face that he is half panicking about what bilbo will say but bilbo just snorts amused and goes back to the dining room

gandalf follows him so the rest of the company follows gandalf and bilbo just shoots a look at the wizard like “are you serious you said dwarfs are coming here not unpolite and ungracefull beings without manners”

Gandalf tries to cough the awkwardness away “ALRIGHT, now that we’re all here we shall discuss the plan!!”

And Thorin just doesn’t get it, he doesnt get why gandalf seems so nervous around the hobbit whose name he doesnt even know (he leans into Balin and asks for the hobbits name out of pure interest but balin just shrugs realizing that the hobbit hasnt given away his name to anyone)

So now they entered the hobbit hole, ate bilbos food and dont even know what he completely looks like or what his name is

Gandalf repeats the plan mostly for bilbo so he knows whats going on and after the wizard is done bilbo hears a “thats what we need a burglar for!”

And gandalf looks so done bc he looks at bilbo and bilbo just snorts and smirks because all his life and after all he has done he has never been called a simple “burglar”

Bilbos occupation is the following: his mother was still belladonna and a took and his father was like mentioned above a dwarf, so while both of them died they still taught him a lot. His father showed him how to fight in general and with a sicklesword and how to throw knives. Training was never a problem for bilbo because (half dwarf) he has a lot of potential strength. His mother taught him about stealth and plants especially poisonous ones so soon bilbo was not only able to fight but to make mixtures of poisons and still being as quiet as only a hobbit can be

Bilbo’s father was a warrior and had to go on a mission but he knew that the enemy had information and that by just “kiling them off” the information would be lost. Having trained his son for many years and knowing that bilbo can be completely silent and probably deadly if desired he decides to take bilbo with him, bilbos mission is to knock someone out with a throwing knife to the shoulder which is covered in narcotics

Bilbo does an excellent job and his father is impressed and is like “i know you’ve never seen anything like this, youve never killed we only trained but i think you would be ready to fight by my side after we got our information out of this dude”

And Bilbo is both really good at fighting and at getting information out of the dude (I imagine him using some non toxic but pain bringing mixtures)

Bilbo and his father return home safely and Bilbo finds himself both guilty and thrilled bc he just killed like A TON of people with his father but at the same time it was exciting and he has this itch in his fingertips to do it again

After some years both of his parents die and not being able to stay in the Shire due to the memories bilbo travels through middle earth, hides his identity and then he hears someone in a pub talking about “killing someone for the better and how he would give a ton of gold to the person who could take out his target” and bilbo is like “oh” and goes out, satisfies the itch in his fingers, kills the person and demands his gold

The news spread like fire and everytime rumors come up about someone that should be killed for a good purpose bilbo will investigate, see if the person should really be killed, and if so will take the person out and demand his gold

Back to present events Thorin is like “do you think this is funny, hobbit? do you think the legacy of my kin is something you are allowed to laugh about? what do we need a hobbit for anyway?”

And Bilbo just pats his shoulder takes the contract that Gandalf held in his hands without saying anything and starts reading it

after he is done everyone looks at him not sure if they should be impressed or unnerved by this hobbit who seems to think so highly of himself that he can disrespect the king

but before anyone could say anything bilbo has signed the contract while looking at thorin from under the curls that covers his eyes giving him a smug smile and you just see that thorin is “this” close to snapping

Bilbo asks when they depart and gandalf says that they will leave by break of day

Thorin considers leaving earlier so they dont have to take the hobbit with them but doesnt say anything

Next day the dwarfs expect bilbo to have a ton of bags with him and that he would be in disadvantageous robes for traveling and they could laugh about him

But the sight they are greeted with is just? (I actually have some concepts in my head for Bilbos outfit but i dont rly know if anyone wants to see them BUT)

Bilbo is wearing of course no shoes but he is wearing long trousers with leather armor around his shins and knees, flexible but still protecting him; he wears a thin chainmail and over that a normal shirt, his arms are protected by thin leather which still looks resilient; a dark cloak which is secured with a clip around his neck; starting by his collar bones down to his navel in a “v” shape are all in all 12 throwing knives attatched in holsters and a sickle sword hangs at each of his sides; his hair which reaches his shoulders is tied up in a simple bun and in front of his face there is a short veil so that only his lips are visible; sewn onto his belt he has like 20 little bottles with different mixtures and poisons and he carries one simple backpack

and the dwarfs are like??? armor??? which looks??? high quality??? weapons??? on this hobbit??????

and they turn to gandalf and gandalf just tries to suppress a laugh at the surprised faces bc he just knew that out of sulkiness bilbo would not even try to hide any of his weapons but present them to the dwarfs

and like this basically the movie verse story would be retold

and it would be a bagginshield fic - oh my god it would be a bagginshield fic

[citadelspires]

8, 9, and 11, my friend!

8. How do you develop your OCs?

Ooooh this is a fun question! I actually have a very consistent path of development for OCs. The first thing I do when making my OCs is create a picrew. Yes Im serious. I have picrews lying around for characters I havent even made yet. One of my favorite OCs I even have started as a picrew I just felt like making and kept saved on my computer for a few months. Eventually I was thinking about some stuff and realized I had a perfect plan for her so she finally turned into something. Of course most of the picrews I use are made with the intention to create an oc at that moment, but it goes to show how the process is. For me its a lot of separate pieces that just end up fitting together.

Beyond that my usual route of development for them is to consider all the ways they interact with each other, but primarily I develop them via impromptu rambling about them to a specific off-tumblr friend and they take shape over long stretches of time that I just. Have fun with them.

9. Are there any fics you'd love to see but don't want to write yourself? What are they?

Oh yeah absolutely. So many of them honestly. I've spoken about it before but the one concept I came up with previously of a long fic focusing on Maddie and Ivy traveling to Newtopia together post TC to find out what happened to Sprig is a fic I have so many thoughts about but just dont want to sit down and write. Beyond that specific one I just want more frog-focused Amphibia fics to be honest.

11. Which OC of yours do you think is the most similar to you? Which OC is the most different? Why?

Id say theres two particular OCs I have that are rather similar to me, though ironically they're pretty different from eachother.

One of my OCs, a character named Valerian, is the first OC I ever made and they really got me into the practice. He's a really ambitious character with big dreams that are important to him. In that way were pretty similar. In addition they are particularly close to me as they were a character I created while I was still questioning my gender and he played a non-insignifigant part in helping me figure myself out.

Another OC of mine is far more similar to me in a literal sense. While Valerian is kinda my ideal version of myself, witty, clever, a little charismatic, energetic, this other OCs, Kael, is far more aligned to how I actually act, in that hes someone who doesnt put more energy than he needs into amy activity or thought process. He just wants to sit back and enjoy his life without worry, and he does a pretty good job of it. Hes lazy and hes proud, cause theres nothing wrong with just being happy as you are. Thats me.

As for the character whose least like me. That would probably be a character called Robin. As one of my sadder characters, she doesn't have a very good life and is generally pretty solemn, to the point where even if she had the chance to be happy she would push it away because shes convinced she doesnt deserve even the chance to have her life get better. Im really not one for all the guilt thing or the self-deprication, and generally I find theres a lot more to love about life than not, even if it requires paying more attention than the latter does.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 45 - watching notes

I'm at this stage of fandom rn where it's really hard to concentrate on anything else 😅

Every song I listen to gets dissected for how it relates to wangxian

I need to concentrate on my thesis but instead I'm pondering how the untamed raises questions about collectivism vs individualism and how my western perception of that might differ greatly from a native chinese person or even the author's intention

Can't I just write my thesis about THAT?

Alas, I digress ...

Back to our regular programming :D

Last time one Sophie watches the untamed wwx went all Sherlock on us and used his formidable skills of deduction to expose Backpfeifengesicht's plan of killing everyone and blaming it on wwx

I've heard from several people that the next few episodes are their favourites, so no high expectations at all :D

Nobody wipes the blood on their chins away. Might be about the aesthetic

I adore detective-duo-wangxian so much!! Especially because wwx does 99% of the talking but then lwj will chime in with a single word and it's 100% devastating :D

If anyone knows any well written case-fics for these two, please, I need recs! (For after the show)

Backpfeifengesicht makes good one point and that is that jgy already is at the top of the cultivation world. So what does he gain from all this?

Or is it simply that he's afraid of wwx because he's a rebel and might act against him? (Don't answer that. I wanna find out through the show ;))

Wwx just casually revealed that he's been to cloud recess and that he handles went to the restricted section forbidden chamber. What will you do about, Lan Qiren? Huh? 😂

Oooh! Backpfeifengesicht is the ghosted faced man! I thought it was Jiggy himself!!! 😱

That makes way more sense though!

Lan Sizhui! Jin Ling! Oh you brave boys! 😭

Someone hold me 😭

But why does he not take zidian now? He's done so before!

"You little fool!" Is "I love you" in Jiang-Cheng-speak :D

"We're done for! What can we do??" - wwx *strips*

Sorry

Bahahaha 😂😂😂

I just burst out laughing waaay to loudly for the fact that I've got people sleeping in the room next to mine

But look at Lan Qiren when he sees wwx strop to reveal anat is probably his nephew's undershirt 😂😂😂

He's probably questioning every decision that's let him to this point :D

This is completely inconsequential,but I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore because I every time he makes this motion, it always sends a shiver down my spine!!! Notice that wwx (or rather Xiao Zhan) is one of these people whose fingers bend in the opposite direction??? I know it's just a normal thing some people can do, but I can't watch it!! It makes my fingers hurt just looking at it 🙈🙈🙈

Is he turning himself into a demon lure flag?? 😱

Lan Jingyi 🥺🥺🥺

Also does wwx now just transfer his self-sacrificing tendencies to lwj?

Nothing is as hot as these two together in a fight scene

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to leave them behind. He does care! :') he just never unlearned how to unravel his love from his anger

Sizhui running up to greet his dads :')

Look at them! I'm soft guys 💔

He called him Yuan!! 😭😭😭

So this is it. Any doubts I ever had about Sizhui's identity are gone

Will he finally recognize him??

Why don't you say anything lwj? This one time, I beg you!!

Sect Leader Yao still at his gossip shit even 16 years later 🙄

Lam sizhyi is seasick! Why is this so cute! 😭

Oh Wen Ning!! He recognized A-Yuan? Right?

I want to hug Lan Sizhui for his openness and kindness towards everyone he meets, no matter their status or what other people say about them! (Wen Ning now or who he thought was Mo Xuanyu the supposed mad-man) and I wanna hug lan Wangji right after for raising him to be like this :')

Oh Wen Ning! 😭

That's how I'd look at Sizhui, too, if I met him - poor unadulterated wonder :')

And just think about what that means for Wen Ning! He's not the last of the Wens! All their fight wasn't for nothing. This child, their legacy, survived 😭😭😭

"Can I call you A-Yuan" "Of Course." God I'm gonna burst into tears 😭

I'm actually bursting into tears!!

Isn't this the dream of anyone who has ever lost someone? :')

"He's like a brother and father to me" :')

And he raised him from when he was 4 or 5? So ... A-Yuan was about 2 when the Wens died? Right? Then 5 would fit with lwj's 3 year isolation

Ob god, it's the butterfly-toy!!! 😭😭😭

Wen Nings smiling through his tears! I can't! 😭💔And he's got the one from the market!

Aww, wax isn't wearing the white undergarment anymore. Too bad

Oh poor Jin Ling ...

So much grieve that he could probably never process. There so many lost kids in this story, hurt by things they had no control over 😔

I mean, I get it. That's the person who killed his parents (without being in control, but he doesnt know that) and everyone is just talking to him as if it's normal and that didn't happen. But he can't forget,but he doesnt really understand either and he has no outlet. Of course he'd just ... crash 😥

And who would have thought I'd ever try at a flashback of Jin Zixuan's death :(

For once, it'd be nice if the adults actually acted like the parent figures they're supposed to be and explain things to their children 🤦‍♀️

I'm so thankful though, that no one even thinks of scolding him for crying. Jismg Cheng only asked who it was that made him cry (and looks like he'll kick their ass). Generally, thus show has a very healthy attitude towards tears. Most characters cry when they are faced with tragedy, regardless of gender. Men being allowed to have appropriate reactions to grieve (instead of a single men tear or just punching things) is really nice to see

Oh Yao dude whose courtesy name I can't remember, shut up!

Thanks Ouyang Zizhen! You get me

I live for these children standing up to their elders

Meanwhile Nie Huaisang is just on the sidelines, enjoying the show :D never change!

The Lotus Pier theme song alone is making me cry rn 😢

Why can't wen Ning come in?

Oh Sizhui!

He many times do you want to make me cry happy tears today?? :')

Little turnip-baby ❤

But why doesn't lwj say anything ??? 😭

Lan Wangji raised A-Yuan smong a bunch of rabbits??? 😭

Now he's a turnip baby with a taste for carrots, how cute is that? :')

Holy shit, wwx and lwj are really joined at the hip these days of lwj won't enter the hall if wwx isn't allowed to :D

Lwj 😑 "no misbehaviour"

Someone. Knows. Their. Husband.

Okay sorry, but as painful as these cuts must have been and yes, while you do see scars on this prostitute's face, they in no way warrant these horrified gasps as of they had all seen a monster 🙄

Xue yang. Fancy seeing you here in this not at all disturbing sub-plot 😬

Okay that's creepy. That's really creepy

Shouldn't Jin Guangyao have a bit more compassion for these women?

On the other hand, he was born to menacingly stand behind a curtain 🤷‍♀️

W. T. F. ????

Jin Guangshan??? o___O

That's the most skin we've ever seen on this show and it's in a scene like THIS? 😬

THIS IS HOW JIN GUANGSHAN DIED? 😱😱😱

How?

How can you die from sex?

And then jgy made them keep going?

UGH

These poor women :/

So there's someone who set her free on purpose, right?

Bicao has really interesting eyes!

Oh wait, took me some time to catch up. This is about Quin Su and why she killed herself, right?

WHAT??

They were siblings o_O

They just went full game of thrones on this ...

Hey Jin Guangshan, screw you for raping that woman

Wait, is that why jgy had him die like THAT?

I'm so confused about how that happened btw

But why would Jin Guangyao merry quin su anyway? Was this some kind of political marriage that he couldn't call off?

This episode answered some of my questions but raised about a dozen more 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

5 episodes to go. I'm both happy because I can't wait to brows the untamed tag without looking for spoilers and extremely sad 🥺

Right now I'm planning to watch one episode each day until friday and then watch the last two on Saturday, hopefully quite early, so I can spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out over it, without having to worry about such trivial things as being a functioning adult or a responsible student 😅

[toxicpineapple]

Please give me your amami essay, I'd like to know the TEA! I was also gonna ask for the mastermind essay, but honestly I REALLY wanna hear your thoughts on his characterization (and your thoughts on his shitty fanon characterization)

HOOO BOY OKAY. this is good, it gives me an excuse to procrastinate on reading that new amasai fic on the latest feed. (note that i REALLY WANT TO READ IT, i’m just anticipating commenting and tbh the spoons,,, i lack them. it’s okay though i’ll get over it.)

so!!! let’s start with general attitude, because i think that amami’s is really unique. he’s a subversive character. in general i feel like that was the biggest goal with his character design and personality combination-- he looks like a total playboy, kaede even comments as much moooore than once. but he’s the absolute opposite. i’ll rant about that in a bit. i’ve already gone off on a tangent and i said i was gonna talk about attitude.

amami is laid back, but not to the point of complacency. y’know what i mean? like, he’s relaxed, but he’s on his guard, too. his speaking style is pretty casual (typically he’ll greet people with a “hey,” whenever he’s slightly uncomfortable he’ll probably say “haha”... this isn’t necessarily a canon thing but i like it when people have him talking in sentence fragments. ex. “forgot to grab my jacket” or “wanted to get a snack” sort of thing) and that’s just,,, the type of person he is. he’s casual. it’s remarkable considering how wealthy amami is-- though bear in mind, he still IS wealthy, so there are bound to be things he doesn’t understand about people-- that he can be so normal and like, down to earth, in a way. when people mess around with him he’ll probably just laugh it off.

to cite a fic i read once that had REALLY phenomenal characterisation, imo, ouma ends up dumping a bucket of water on amami’s head (on accident; there are some semantics and i won’t get into it but again the fic is really good and funny and you should totally read it) and amami just squeezes out his shirt and makes a couple cracks before walking away. (sorry this isn’t meant to be a “dumping love on fics” post but GOD that fic is hysterical.) he’s an enabler too, at least i think so-- remember that anthology chapter where kaede, shuichi, and kaito are trying to catch ouma and kaito sets an “amami trap” to stop him? all ouma has to do is flutter his eyelashes and go “pleeeaaase let me go amam~niichan!” and then he just. he does. what a fucking doormat i can’t believe him.

he’s like that though. i feel like big brother stuff is kind of his weakness. (and not in a kinky way alright i will destroy you. he might make a joke about having a sister complex in one of his ftes but he DOESNT that joke was just tasteless COME ON RANTARO WHFKLDSJFK) which brings me to his whole older brother thing, because like,,, YEAH. guy grew up with twelve younger sisters!!! and he remarked in his ftes with shuichi that they’re mostly step sisters, which means he just.... has a nurturing personality. i mean amami is somewhat conservative (if you try to come on to him during salmon mode you will be brutally rebuffed; amami tells u to keep your horny thoughts to yourself, though you shouldn’t be ashamed of having them) so i imagine he’s not the biggest fan of his father’s tendencies-- not that i don’t NECESSARILY interpret his father’s behaviour as him sleeping around.... it’s possible he just likes children and deliberately marries women who already have kids so he can take them... i mean it’s exceedingly decent to keep considering ur step children to be your children after a divorce so i have a hard time reconciling this common image of rantaro’s dad as some kind of player figure with the impression i got of him in my head but that’s just my daddy issues coming into play again so ignore me-- and yet he still considers all his sisters to be his sisters.

not to mention he feels a great deal of like, responsibility, when it comes to taking care of them. i find it impossible to believe that all the losses were his fault. you could ARGUE that the one he tells you about with his younger sister was to be blamed on him? but i mean, amami is a child. he didn’t even know his sister was following him out. sure he blames himself for it but there’s no real good way to blame him just considering that,,, he’s a kid. and he was so young-- he was obviously so young-- when it happened. so like, not to be all Good and Bad on you, but i do feel that amami is fundamentally a good reason. and you SEE that too, in the killing game. i’m certain he was on the fence about trusting that note he woke up with. would you trust it? he had no memory whatsoever of writing it, all he had were the words “ultimate hunt” and a map of the school to guide his way. i imagine he wasn’t even sure if he should do what the note said. but then ryoma started talking about sacrificing himself for everyone else, and rantaro probably thought, “well... if i have a way to get us out of here, even if it doesn’t work, i can’t just let ryoma sacrifice himself without having tried.”

rantaro is self-reliant too, i think. in the talent development plan mukuro remarks that she noticed he was injured a good number of times, but never said anything about it because she felt like he was trying to keep it under wraps. (note: good idea for an amami and mukuro friendship fic. must write. someone remind me.) i think amami kind of feels isolated from his classmates? either because he has these perceived notions of like, independence and whatever, not burdening anybody else with his problems (honestly not to go chabashira on main but wtf men ask for help c’mon i promise if you find a person who’s worth being in ur life they won’t treat you like shit for feeling ur feelings) or just because he’s not around a lot. i think amami is the type of person to invalidate his own problems a lot, or at least downplay them to others. he blames himself for all his sisters going missing, took the responsibility to find them all. you know the blow that’s going to be to his education? traveling around the world looking for twelve different people? and he plans to keep doing that!!! forever!!! ugh ;-; poor babey. but anyway i feel like he doesn’t want to tell anybody about his problems because he feels like it’s his thing to deal with.

i also believe that rantaro is a bit prideful. i mean, anyone can be prideful under the correct circumstances, and in fact there is a great deal of pride that simply isn’t addressed by the fandom in analysing characters and that makes me really sad because pride is such a SEXY character flaw but i’ll leave that alone for now. he hates being told to give up on what he’s doing. i mean everyone in his life has been telling him to stop looking for his sisters. that’s got to suck, but also, DAMN look at what his reaction was. this utter refusal to open up to anybody. shuichi’s ftes with him are spent pretty much just trying to get amami to stop squirreling around and actually TALK to him. amami asks shuichi at one point if he has any siblings and when the response is negative, amami immediately assumes that shuichi wouldn’t understand, would tell him to quit. just like everyone else.

(i mean, even with kiyo and mukuro, whose circumstances mirror his almost painfully at least in willingness to sacrifice stuff for their siblings, he doesn’t tell them what he’s doing, just that he’s doing it for his sister-- singular-- and that he would do anything for her. kiyo and mukuro!! out of ANYBODY, they would understand. in tdp they DO talk about it-- kiyo encourages him to keep searching-- as his friend...... fuck amaguji is such a good ship even if the implications of kiyo saying he wants to meet rantaro’s sister after he finds her bc she must be suuuuch a good person if he’s doing all this for her are uhhh not great-- and mukuro immediately understands when he says it’s to do with his younger sister. like, full stop. she just goes “okay” and goes serious. all at once. damn rantaro, mukuro, and kiyo really do be a power trio huh. i need to write more fic about them i miss them.)

this is more into baseless conjecture so take this as you will, but i also think rantaro is kind of,,, easily distracted lmao. he mentions helping out a village with a disease-- been a while since i’ve seen his ftes, sorry for any inconsistencies-- among other shit and like... bro what are you DOING. you have sisters to find. and he can’t be getting injured all the time, getting wrapped up with gang violence and all that, looking for people who were lost traveling. i mean sure, you could say they went all over the world and got wrapped up in all sorts of mess, but more likely they stayed in roughly the same area, waiting for him to come back. and also? i have a hard time believing his sisters were lost in these remote forest places people always put them. COME ON, who the fuck goes to some village for a vacation? a RICH person no less. i’m on another tangent. sorry. but yeah, i love the people who write rantaro as an absolute airhead. i headcanon that he has no way of judging the passing of time and thus is the absolute worst in the bathroom bc he sits there for twenty minutes thinking about the universe and then walks out like “:) ok ready to go” like wtf are you even doing there stupid akljdf anyway.

i think rantaro is softhearted and thoughtful. in his ftes with kaede he demonstrates an ability to look past what people show at surface level-- you can ask him about miu, kiibo, or kiyo and he’ll give u Good Fucking Insight(tm)-- and analyse their intentions more closely. and i mean this is just from a couple day’s interaction. he’s down to earth for sure, understanding when people are intimidated but also caring and observant. (his “talk about a first impression” line is so fuckaindgf.... good for his characterisation. i love romantic amamatsu but he so clearly takes an older brother role in those ftes, he’s really such a sweetheart,,,, hnadhfkj ;w;) rantaro is just. he’s patient with people. and selfless and kind. idk it’s all the good stuff. warm smiles and indulgence. all the way. probably lets kokichi steal his lunch.

THAT BEING SAID: i think rantaro also has a very serious streak. he doesn’t show it a lot but there are moments. he’s self-sacrificing-- i mean, obviously. he was the ultimate survivor, after all. some people hc that he got there by killing, or maybe everyone else in his game died but one person, but bro that doesn’t make any sense???? no. what happened was there were probably like three people left, and monokuma was like “one has to be sacrificed” and rantaro thought, welp. it’ll be me then. and i wouldn’t say the choice would be immediate because rantaro DOES has self preservation instincts-- he’s only human-- but i don’t think he’d have let anybody else make that decision. i think ultimately he would try to protect other people.

he can be scarily confrontational too. i do believe he’d usually only do it in the defense of others-- like, his base instinct is to protect. i read a fic once (oumami, unfortunately) where ouma was committing crimes and went to hide behind rantaro and rantaro instinctively moved to protect him, and that’s.... that’s good characterisation. point one to the oumami stans, point zero to me. motherfucker. (love u oumami stans, it’s just not my thing.) i really like it in fics when he’s stern, lecturing people for hurting other people, but i also think rantaro is too understanding to be truly unforgiving. like if two people got into an argument and one came out of it more hurt than the other, i don’t believe that amami would be unsympathetic to the less hurt one. i think he’s mature enough to take a look at the situation and go, well, okay.

i think he’d be TERRIFYING when angry. he’s patient, y’know? so it takes a lot to get him to that point. he’s really, ah, accommodating of people. puts up with a lot of bs kind of thing. but i imagine the best way to get him to snap is by hurting someone he cares about. and at that point: ur fucked. i’ve never written it before because i’m terrified of what i’d do with that kind of power but.... imagine the shuichi whump. holy god.

i’m NOT here to talk about shuichi whump (though i’m down to do that any time of day believe me) so i’m gonna like. shhhhiiiiiiffft.

i project on characters a lot so at this point it’s difficult to distinguish if some of my characterisation things are like, actually characterisation things? or just me venting, so like, take nothing i say as canon, but also,,, akdsjf we love a man who bottles up his emotions.

because rantaro just doesn’t have the TIME to be crying all over the place. he was probably a total wreck when he lost his first sister. and his second. and maybe even his third. but then he started to gather his composure, more and more. because if there’s anything that rantaro has in excess, it’s composure. the more losses he suffers the more of a shield he builds up. and the self hatred and the guilt and the blame and the responsibility are piling up and up and up, but god he hates it when other people see him sad, because he needs to be the strong one, he can’t just pile that up on other people. that’s not their weight to carry, and besides, he’s the older brother, he should be able to deal with his own problems. he’d just be burdening the people he cares about by letting them see his demons.

and then he doesn’t have any coping mechanisms because he never lets himself feel enough to cope, and when people get close enough to actually CARE about him, when people notice he’s upset or struggling and offer him help, he doesn’t know how to deal with it-- and god he hates lashing out at people but it’s so much easier to deal with the consequences of being mean than the consequences of breaking down. only conflict is scary when he’s one of the causes so he needs time to recover, and well, what better way to do that than to get on a plane or a boat and go look for his sisters? after all he’s wasting time whenever he’s just sitting around, they’re still out there and he needs to find them, so might as well just keep pushing himself to the limits, because it’s his fault they’re lost anyway...

something mukuro said to rantaro in the talent development plan stuck in my brain. like, initially it’s just a funny and cute interaction (rantaro even blushes and a blushing rantaro is a GOOD FUCKING RANTARO) but when i thought about it more i was like.... huh. hm. angst ideas. mukuro makes a joke about rantaro going over to her stand at the festival to flirt with her-- i think that’s the context, i know it’s play-boy related-- and rantaro assures her (as he always does) that he’s not that kind of guy, and mukuro agrees, saying she was just pulling his leg and that he seems like the kind of person who gets dumped because he doesn’t show his emotions enough. rantaro laughs, blushes, and says “haha, not touching that one,” and akdjfnnnnnn god mukuro you’re so blunt i love you fkdjf but wow. i usually have rantaro as not having dated anyone, just because i feel like he kind of hyperfocuses on finding his sisters? and given that he’s like sixteen (seventeen at the MOST) there’s not much of a timeline for when his sisters got lost. in my fic search i had to cram all the losses into a four-year period and damn that was rough. anyway i just don’t think he’d really prioritise romance. but that reaction implies that that’s EXACTLY his experience with romance, which makes a bit of sense because mukuro is ridiculously sharp, and also it’s,, it’s just sad idk poor rantaro. getting dumped because he’s like the emotional equivalent of a doorknob when it comes to his own feelings.

i do think rantaro is a bit cowardly. not in the sense that he’d shy away from danger-- i think he’d RUSH INTO IT HEAD FIRST because he’s a man or whatever, i know he respects women but he does seem to hold some of those very stereotypically masculine ideals of constantly protecting those around him, which is like.... ok toxic masculinity mcgee can u and kaito stop throwing hands every time u see each other ty-- but more in the sense that he avoids,,, confrontation. emotional confrontation just ain’t his thing. and i think he’d rather run away from it or otherwise find some way of ignoring it than try to address his problems.

he would, with that in mind, probably try to associate with people who don’t push the matter. kiyo and mukuro, for example. they both have a fair amount of baggage themselves so they’d probably be respectful. ryoma is lowkey enough that he just, he wouldn’t bring that shit up, that’s uncool. i also think rantaro would get along REALLY WELL with kaito, and i actually don’t think kaito would pull his sidekick stuff with him? just because in a way they’re kind of kindred spirits, and i think kaito would see an ally in rantaro before seeing someone to try to nurture, so they’d probably have some kind of a truce like, if you don’t force me to be vulnerable, i won’t force you. one of the reasons why i love amamota so much is because it involves the two of them growing to care about each other beyond that sort of unhealthy camaraderie and breaking down each other’s barriers and i just..... hhnnfhhdkfj they could be so good for each other but nobody wants to talk about thatjslfkj

you weren’t asking for my amamota mess lmao sorry anon i get sidetracked SO easily. but yeah, amami gravitates towards people who wouldn’t try to get him to be more honest with himself. and i honestly think the v3 cast would be pretty good about that overall, except for shuichi who is a detective and has a habit of sticking his nose in places it shouldn’t be, but i see no reason to write that out because amami’s ftes already display that beautifully. (well, that’s a lie, i’m absolutely plotting out a slowburn in my head already that involves shuichi stripping down his walls one by one, but forget about all of that rn we don’t need to talk about why amasaimota is my ot3.) also he is softer on childish people like ouma and himiko. ain’t nobody wants to TALK TO ME about how brilliant it would be if rantaro and hiyoko were friends because hiyoko has such problems in that department and he would take one look at her and go hm. i’m adopting her. and he’s so fucking patient and nice and she’d lose the will to make fun of him and i have to do ALL THE GODDAMN WORK AROUND HERE but it’s fine. at least i get to write it.

i’ve described the fundamentals of his characterisation pretty well by now i think. i have some throwaway headcanons, like uhh,,

he’s claustrophobic

plays the guitar and the ukulele

he prefers warm weather and perishes in the cold

high pain tolerance

he’s a Good Cook

doesn’t like sex jokes (they make him uncomfortable)

asexual (i do like a good demisexual hc at all times of day tho)

master of piggyback rides

does his own piercings

impulsive as hell

gets lost easily but can always find his way back

has a lot of scars from travels

hands are rough and calloused (again from travels)

morning person

smells like evergreen (you know i had to, you know i did)

Radiates Heat Like A Fucking Toaster Oven

good hugs

hates tying his shoelaces

likes being the big spoon :)

has a tongue piercing

i said “some throwaway headcanons” but i ended up listing way more than i mean to. i’ll make a separate list of my rantaro headcanons someday and talk about them all in detail but for now, uh, there’s that.

SO AS FOR THE RANTARO CHARACTERISATIONS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE:

god where to fucking begin. actually i know exactly where to begin. it’s my least favourite one just because, like i said at the very beginning, rantaro is a subversive character. i mean i think he’s kind of a low hanging fruit when it comes to that. there are plenty of other subversive characters in the dr series but rantaro is like that. you expect a flirt and u get,,, a sweetheart. but then some people (usually the ones who ship him with female characters exclusively though i will see it on occasion in an amasai or oumami fic) decide to throw that out the window and make him a total playboy!! and listen, i have no problem with people who are a little flirty. we’re kids!! flirt ur heart out!!! and hey, that’s not what this is about but y’know what? so long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, then yeah!! exercise your sexual freedom and sleep with whoever you want to!!! i don’t think there’s anything wrong with messing around a little, dating who u wanna and experimenting with ur tastes and preferences. if rantaro WAS a playboy, then there would be nothing wrong with that. i would love him just the same because he’s such a fundamentally GOOD character.

except that.... he’s.......... NOT. you slaughter one of the biggest aspects of his character by throwing away what matters to him and making him some hunky-deep-voice-dreamboat dude meant to sweep kaede/tsumugi/whomsteverthefuck off her feet. rantaro is one of those characters where he’s so blatantly not that kind of person, and it’s like. it’s an affront, almost, to portray him that way? and i do believe you should have the freedom to write what you want, since we’re in that age (aside from romanticised pedophilia and incest; that shit ain’t cute, i say this often but pro-ship DNI) where u should be able to take some liberties, but it’s just. hnnn. it’s so frustrating. rantaro does not know how to smolder! if he DID smolder, he wouldn’t even realise he was doing it. he doesn’t have people lying at his feet, okay? he’s too flaky for that. i wouldn’t say he’s unreliable but he definitely ain’t at school as much as he should be.

another one that i hate: st-stalker? what the fuck? that is not sexy that is creepy and weird?

another another one that i hate: yandere? what the FUCK??? that is not sexy that is glorified ABUSE???? the yandere trope is AWFUL bc you’re taking a controlling relationship and turning it into a fetish. NO. if he limits ur contact with other people, if he follows u everywhere, if he threatens ur loved ones, if he tries to control you, ladies and gents and nonbinaries, he’s not a yandere, he’s an abuser and you need a fucking restraining order. actually, people of ANY gender or sex can perpetuate this behaviour and IT IS NOT CUTE. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT BOUNDARIES U SET IN PLACE, IF YOUR FREEDOM IS BEING RESTRICTED THAT IS ABUSE.

hate it when people make rantaro violent. hate it when people make rantaro a murderer. hate it when people make rantaro controlling. hate it when people make rantaro overtly sexual. some kind of sultry deep voice dominant kind of figure. dude, what the fuck? i don’t,, want to make any public comments about sex positions because i think that’s kind of Strange to just talk about on a post, but i do think that the way people portray him for their smuts is,,, idk it’s weird. i’m not gonna kinkshame u but like. :eyes:

i will however accept rantaro as a thrillseeker, or a highstrung rich boy, or a total space cadet, or a himbo, or a cryptid. these are all very good interpretations of the Mans. just, like. be wary of making him two dimensional. a good character is multifaceted. if you can take a trait that clashes with all of these and SELL ME ON IT, i will buy it. if u give me good justifications, or even just good writing?? then i will accept it.

the long and the short of it is, anon, he’s my favourite so i think about him a lot. i love writing rantaro. he’s just, he’s a Guy. y’know? He’s A Good Dude, If You’ll Give Him A Shot. :) we don’t get to see very much of him but i think that there’s plenty of material if you overanalyse everything, which, as you probably all know by now,,,, i absolutely do.

thank you for the ask, this was a delight to spend an hour talking about.

[bunny-banana]

For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀

YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT

Its this fic btw if anyones curious.  

Chap 1

Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.

its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.

*

*

’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’

“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”

mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious

*

*

A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.

so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab.  but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did.   A lot.  again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.

*

*

“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”

again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.

*

*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.

Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him,  eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.

*

*

Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.

THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED.  Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”

*

*

Chap2

“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley?  Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.

erm: so im het

also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.

*

*

“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”

so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in.  I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.

And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.

*

*

Chap3

The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.

i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!

*

*

[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend

First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.

*

*

[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷

He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan

i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”

*

*

[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!

Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had

*

*

However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.

Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush.  So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad.  So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.

*

*

Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.

Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.

Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.

*

*

“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”

Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh

*

*

And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.

I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.

*

*

“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”

No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.

*

*

The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.

I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.  

Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”

But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.  

So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig

*

*

“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”

Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.

*

*

“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”

Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.

*

*

Epilogue

[Ermal💛]: You ready?

Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.

*

*

Ermal looked….cuddly.

So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.

*

*

And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.

i have a fic for those kinda nights too

*

*

“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”

ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u

*

*

What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.

SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.

i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap

*

*

Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?

Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages.  Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’  And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.

*

*

“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”

This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself.  So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages.   So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.

*

*

“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.

boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.

*

*

“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”

im just an asshole honestly

*

*

They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.

i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE

*

*

“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”

Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:)  but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow

*

*

“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”

He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh

*

*

"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”

Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.

*

*

All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.

Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio

fancy place - more casual place

They take the car - they walk

Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private

They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together

they fall out - they become closer, kiss

they dont talk - they plan the next date

anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen

[mskinkyafro]

Last Call (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

A/N: I know what most could be thinking...what the hell it’s only been two chapters, but I can’t help it! I feel so much excitement and adoration for Dr. Ethan Ramsey. We don’t know much about him but ideas were popping in my head all weekend.  Any details I reference about his past in this fic is original content I conceived and nothing confirmed in PB cannon. This would definitely not be apart of cannon so cannon divergence here. The song used briefly in this fic is “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding.

Italicized and bold:song lyrics

Italicized: internal thoughts

Summary: Dr. Ethan Ramsay takes time to reevaluate the newest intern that’s captured his attention in more ways than one, whether he wants to admit it or not.

All Rights to PB for their characters, settings, and stories. I don’t own them, I just borrow minus my MC Dr. Katrina Michaels.

All Rights to who own the song “These Arms of Mine”.

In the mischievous hours of the night Dr. Ethan Ramsey sits alone in the now barren Donahue’s nursing another drink. The place once buzzing with noise is now near sheer silence except the gentle music playing from the jukebox. The last crop of stragglers, only a few with slurring speeches make their exit. Hearing the soft thud of the door shutting he let out a mild grunt and raises his near empty glass towards the bartender.

“Last one, buddy. My knees are screaming and any minute longer I’ll be visiting you at your job versus you visiting mine.”

Reggie says as he refills the glass and then grabs a rag to clean.

“Now we can’t be having that now.” Ethan replies before taking a small gulp.

Suspicious at such warm words from the man Reggie stops wiping down the counter to look at Ethan.

“Hmm, that’s strangely kind of you-”

Before Reggie can finish his sentence Ethan cuts him off all the while looking into his diminishing drink

“Because then who will serve me drinks at my beck and call?”

His eyes shine with mirth as looks at Reggie while he takes another sip.

“You almost had me there. You’re a cheeky bastard, you know that? I should throw your ass out for that.” Reggie says while shaking his head amused.

“But you won’t because you’re too good. That’s exactly why the likes of myself don’t deserve you as friend Reg.”

“Heh, damn right. I only keep you around because you tip well.”

Ethan chuckles at the man in front of him.

“Never change, Reggie.”

“Wasn’t planning to buddy.”

The two men finish laughing when the shoosh of the door opens and a young African-American woman enters while calling over her shoulder before the door closes.

“I’m going to use the restroom and wait inside until the Lyft comes. Night everyone!”

Recognizing the voice speaking  Ethan turns and sees Dr.  Katrina Michaels. As she moves from the entrance and towards the back right of the bar to the restrooms his gaze follows and he retreats to his mind briefly.

“I haven’t quite figured out why but there’s something about the rookie that intrigues me.”

Reggie notices his friend is watching the woman from earlier and can already gather what could be the reason why. Being the good friend that he is Reggie decides to give his old pal  a nudge in the right direction. So he taps Ethan on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Welp, I gotta clean up in the back. Keep an eye on the place for me. Especially the little lady, I’m leaving both in your capable hands.”

Ethan quirks an eyebrow at Reggie as he takes another swig and asks

“What are you getting at Reg?”

Reggie smirks to himself and shrugs his shoulders before he turns to leave Ethan alone and enters a side door near the shelves of alcohol. Ethan scoffs and continues to drink his glass of scotch enjoying the the burning sensations that slide down his throat. His thoughts lingers to earlier in the night when talking to Katrina.

“She definitely is different in the real world but on the hand not so much.  I don't quite understand why this intern is different from the others. Other than  proving herself capable so far but outside  EdenBrook I notice that my thoughts have dawdle on her more  trivial attributes. Such as her underlying fierceness or perhaps her vivaciousness. Well I suppose I can’t say I truly recognized these qualities more so I overlooked them, one such as her beauty. She truly is stunning. It makes me wonder why a woman like her spent time near me when the place was swarming with younger men. Especially asking if someone was waiting at home for me. It can’t be what I think… no I probably need to ease off the alcohol right now. Besides who would wait around  for me anyway? Edie surely doesn’t anymore.”

As he sets his glass down back on the counter he hears a soft voice calling his name which removes him from his thoughts. Without turning around he says

“Hello again, rookie.”

“I’m surprised to see you still here Dr. Ramsey.” Katrina Michaels murmurs.

He turns to face the intern and replies

“I’m surprising in a lot of ways.”

She smiles and delicately places herself  onto the stool that’s next to Ethan.

“You’ll have to  prove that you know.”

Despite himself he smirks at her. His gunmetal blue eyes piercing into Katrina’s hazel ones. Their gazes seem to challenge yet captivate the other. There’s a comfortable yet tense air between the two until the smooth vocals of Otis Redding play from the jukebox.

“These arms of mine, they are lonely. Lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine are yearning, yearning  from wanting you...”

The song continues to play as Katrina speaks.

“You know he’s is one of my favorite artist. I used to...”

As she speaks Ethan watches the woman in front of him. He observes the way her eyes are lit up to how a rogue strand of her curly hair hangs, and even how in the dimly lit bar her smile radiates and contrasts with her beautiful coffee-hue complexion. He tries to listen to all she’s saying, now beginning to tell him about much of a fan she is. But he’s beginning to distract himself with his thoughts once more.

“Of course this song plays. Very convenient timing, I’d say. I bet Reggie had something to do with this. It’s been so long since I had someone. At this point other people would take anyone. But I could never at my stage in life. That’s why I’m here at almost one in the morning. I wonder why she’s here too, besides being young.”

Ethan breaks away from his mind to refocus back onto Katrina whose finishing up a compliment about his research.

“Katrina, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Dr. Ramsey.”

“First, outside of EdenBrook you may call me, Ethan.”

Katrina runs her hand through her hair before replying

“Are you sure, Dr. Ramsey?”

He rolls his eyes briefly before turning to look at his glass to take another sip of his scotch.

“Yes, rookie. You referring to me as doctor outside of the hospital makes me look a bit pretentious.”

“I think that’s your own doing, Dr. Ramsey.”

He pauses lifting his glass to meet his mouth in midair and turns to glare at her but it falters once he hears the bubbling of laughter escape her plump lips. He goes back to take a swig and places his glass back down gently.

“Sorry. I couldn’t pass that up...Ethan.”

“Now, was that really that difficult?”

“Not exactly, but it’s a bit strange. To be on first name basis with your idol.”

“I’m just a man, rookie. Not a celebrity or some god.”

Katrina turns her face away from Ethan and averts her eyes from his as she whispers

“Maybe, but you sure do have god-like looks.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t make out what you said?”  curious of what she said.

“It’s not important. But you wanted to ask me something?”

“Yes I do. I happen to be thinking of what you asked me earlier in the night and wondered the same.”

“Is that so? Is there a reason why you liked to know?”

Her tone so playful with a hint of flirtation that he couldn’t decipher if he imagined it or not.

Instead of speaking he shrugs his shoulders in response.

Smiling to herself and looking down before meeting his eyes again.

“I’m just like you. No one awaiting my return.”

“Interesting.”

The fading music is more audible as the two stop speaking momentarily

“...I need somebody. Somebody to treat me right, oh. I need your arms. Loving arms to hold me tight. And I, I, I need your, I need your tender lips to hold me.”

A chime from Katrina’s cell phone breaks the silence before either one of them could.

“That’s my Lyft. It’s two minutes away so, I’m going to waiting outside.”

Ethan nods in understanding, she begins to remove herself from her seat, but still slightly tipsy she slips and falls into Ethan’s body who reacts immediately.  He grasps firmly yet gently ahold of her,  keeping her steady. Both freeze from the sudden contact and close parameters they are from the other.

Katrina can see Ethan’s adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat and he thinks to himself while staring at Katrina.

“I suddenly have the urge to gently brush the curls away from her beautiful eyes and...I need to stop this instant. It’s late and I am feeling a bit lonely but I’m beginning to enter a dangerous area. This would lead to an H.R. nightmare. I can’t let myself get tangled with the matters of the heart. Especially with my, ahem, the rookie. God, I need to lay off the sauce for a while.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Katrina removes herself from his arms.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, rookie.”

“Is that going to be a permanent thing? Even outside of work?”

“What?”

“Rookie. I mean you’ve called me by my first name earlier tonight even when I thought you didn’t even know it, much less remember it nor care to.”

“I’ve told you. I’m observant...rookie. Does that answer your question?” He says smirking at her.

Rolling her eyes she moves to make her way to the exit.

“Yes it does. And you deny that you’re favoring me.”

“I’ll let you believe what you want. Even if it’s a silly notion.”

“Whatever you say, Dr. Ramsey” she purrs.

Ethan feels his heart rate increase briefly. Before he can respond, she speaks up.

“My ride should be here now. I’ll see you around Dr. Rams- I mean Ethan.”

She rubs her hand obsessively through her hair before giving him a quick wave as she inches closer to the door.

“For whatever reason my name leaving her lips sounds right. As the same for hers. Katrina. Ka-tri-na. I’d like to say it more than just in my...Okay enough. I must stick with calling her  rookie. That’s what's...what’s safe.

Katrina opens the door which pulls Ethan out and he speaks for the final time

“Have a good night...Katrina. Get home safe.”

She stops at hearing her name being used and turns back around and grins wide at Ethan.

“You too.”  she steps outside and calls back to Ethan.

“Maybe once I’ve graduated from rookie or you tire of it, you can call me Kat. Whichever comes first.”

Without another word or glance she walks out the door.

Ethan is left staring at the spot she was occupying before turning his attention back to his glass. He drains the rest of his drink and retreats into his thoughts.

“So much for playing it safe. Then again, what’s life without a few risks.”

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

I Hate You, Kim Taehyung! (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: I hope this still turns out into what all of you wanted since its many similar requests jumbled into one. Hehe. And as for the last two anon, I dont know if this can be considered as badboy Tae but I hope it works and I think all my Tae's fics has a touch of angst in it but mostly all of it has a happy ending. So I hope you will still like this ♡♡

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, I hate you Kim Taehyung!" Y/N screamed out as loud as she can as she sat sprawled down on the floor with seven years of costumes strewn all over her. She can shout as loud as she can and no one would say anything, seeing how its almost 4 am and she is the only one left in the building. Of course, her late night over time is thanks to none other than the charming Kim Taehyung.

When she first got offered the job as the junior stylist for BTS, she thought luck has finally shined down on her. That her days of making one cup of instant noodle last for the whole day is long gone. Little did she know that by accepting this job, she is cashing in a one way ticket to hell. A hell that is ruled by a handsome devil known as Kim Taehyung.

Well, not that she thinks he's handsome, but he is obviously not bad looking. He didnt win the most handsome face in the world for two times in a row for nothing, right?

But what good is his face if all he ever do is pick on her? Its as if he has developed a personal dislike towards Y/N and Y/N alone. Y/N couldnt understand why everyone keeps on saying that the members are friendly and nice. Well, maybe the other six are, she wouldnt know since shes too scared, embarassed and shy to even look up to their attractive faces, but she can definitely say that Kim Taehyung is the opposite of nice and friendly.

Making sure that Y/N got into trouble every single day seems to be his life mission every since she was assigned as his personal stylist. And incredibly, he even do it in various creative ways too. Saying the material is itchy minutes before stage, when it was perfectly okay during dress rehearsal, which resulted to Y/N needing to whipped out a whole new outfit for him in no time at all, which of course, got her into trouble when the last minute clothes doesnt fit the concept or doesnt match the others, purposely broke a zipper and ripped a button, coming in late for fittings and so many other ways that Y/N cant even understand how he can even come up with it. If only he puts his creativity into making an album and not on ways to get her into trouble, Y/N is sure he will have about 10 solo albums by now.

Like today for instance, Taehyung said his pants for the Idol music shoot is ripped when he received it, resulting in him wearing black pants while the other members wear a matching head to toe suit. No matter how hard Y/N tries to defend herself, saying the pants are perfectly fine when she gave it to him, of course people would believe their darling Kim Taehyung rather than the inexperienced new junior stylist, which resulted in her being stuck in the wardrobe storage room, assigned to reorganized all seven years of BTS' stage costume, according to the month, year and members.  Thanks to the devil, Y/N missed her train to go back to her hometown, and she cant even afford to buy another one.  So here she is, alone in the wardrobe storage room, hanging up their costumes by dates, and all the while cursing Kim Taehyung.

/////

"Oh, how come you are ready early today Tae?" Hoseok looks up from his stylist who is fussing over his shirt to Taehyung who is already impeccably dress.

"I finally had a professional stylist helping me today," Taehyung huffed. "For once, I finally know what it feels like to be ready on time and not have a stylist that makes stupid petty mistakes,"

"No Y/N today?" Hoseok immediately gets what the younger man is babbling about. Its no secret between the seven of them that Taehyung has an issue with the new junior stylist. Taehyung might call it hate, but the other six boys sees something else blooming instead. They just hope Taehyung would see it soon too.

"Off to go back to her hometown or something. I dont really care," Taehyung answered, trying to be nonchalant, making Hoseok lets out a hearty laugh.

"Tae, you of all people know that she didnt make any mistakes. You were the one who purposely created those mistakes for her," Hoseok stated out. Taehyung gasps, pretending as if he is offended that his hyung would accused him of such a thing.

"I did no such thing!" He placed a hand on his chest. "And whose side are you on hyung? You are supposed to be on mine!" Taehyung glares as Hoseok's stylist finishes fussing over his outfit and walks away, not bothering to listen more of their quarrel.

"I'm on the side on love Tae," Hoseok mocks and laughs as he walks away towards the stage. "Loveeee,"

Taehyung huffed. Love? Him? Even worse, him and Y/N?! Not until hell freezes over. Even then, he is still sure it wouldnt happen. Okay, Taehyung is at least man enough to admit to himself, and definitely nobody else, that he did do it on purpose, making life hard for Y/N. But what he himself dont know is why.

Taehyung would like to think its because of hate. But he doesnt hate Y/N. He doesnt have a reason to. They barely exchanged a few words with each other. Annoying? Well maybe. But not in the term of her attitude or anything. It just bothers him how Y/N seems so unaffected working by his side. She didnt even spare him a glance or gave him a look that lingered too long. Hell, she didnt even talk to him unless its absolutely neccessary. It shouldnt bother him,really. He has millions other girls who would willingly be at his beck and call, but from the first moment he saw Y/N bowing excitedly to the managers on her first day, he has set his eyes on her. And it just annoys him to no end that she didnt seem fazed or interested in his presence at all. So annoyance slowly grew into something more and Taehyung is just sure that he hates her now.

At least he hope it is.

Taehyung, all clean and fresh from his shower packs up his bag from the practice room and trotted out of the building. Why is it their cheographer likes to schedule a dance practice after a music stage? Taehyung is exhausted, cranky and definitely hungry right now and all the other boys has went home first, not bothering to wait for him to shower. He picks up his bag and puts on his mask before making the short walk to his favorite restaurant near the company to get some take out and head back to the dorm. He asked his managers to let him be alone today. Sometimes a busy idol needs his personal time too and an evening walk to get some air sounds good to him right now.

He passed by a small street vendor selling tteokbokki along his way. The small shop has been there for years,even before any of them were trainees, and they have never been there again after they debuted and fame catch up with them. Taehyung miss going there but now he just doesnt have a reason to. He used to try to bring one of the girls he casually dated there, but she scrunched her nose and without feeling even a bit guilty or shame asks him "Shouldnt a successful idol like you bring me to 6 star restaurant or something?" Well, lets just say Taehyung did bring her to one of those pretentious restaurant that serves too expensive meals that evening. She was happy, and he was happy too when he spent the night tangling with her between her sheets later that night, and he was definitely happier when he told her it was over while he buttoned back up his shirt after hes done and make his way out of her house, never looking back.

He would usually just pass by, not because he is afraid the customers would recognized him. People who eat there usually dont even give him a glance. But something just caught his eyes today.

Is that Y/N?

What is she doing here? Shouldnt she be back in her hometown or something? Wait, not that he cares. Right? But just as if hes been pulled by a magnetic force, he walks into the small shop and take a seat at one of the back table, hidden. Taehyung reasons to himself that hes just hungry and its been a long time since he ate some street food anyway. Its just cravings. Coming here has nothing to do with Y/N. But why is he always looking at her table, well, he prefer to not think about that.

Nibbling on his rice cakes, his eyes never leaving hers. Watching as she ate and laughs at something shes doing on her phone. Is she texting someone? A boyfriend? A friend? Not that he cares, just a close observation. He watch her smile and talk to the shop owner and some of the old man who are regulars at the store. Shes sounds friendly, polite and it seems she knows how to talk to older people. Taehyung is certain that his eomma and appa would love her if he take her home.

Wait. Where did that thought came from? Taehyung shakes his head, deleting that horrible imagination. There is no way he is introducing her to anybody.

His body reacted automatically. Leaving a handful of won bills on the table and walked a few metres behind her as she said her goodbyes and leave the shop. His hatred for her must have turned him into a stalker, he told himself. He followed her closely and he found himself smiling as he watch her help an old man crossing a busy road. Its hard to find young girls who volunteerily do that nowadays. He saw her skipped along happily on her way to wherever it is shes going, giving a won bill to every beggar she sees. Its obvious she does this everyday as the old beggars seems to be familiar with her. Then she walks into a convenience store and take one cup noodle and a small packet of food,Taehyung cant be sure what. He hides himself between the shelves as she pays and saw how shes counting her shilings from her pocket, sighing.

He scrunched his nose. Doesnt the company pay her enough?

Still curious and becoming more fascinated by what Y/N could possibly be doing, he followed her again until she stops at a secluded part of a park and crouched down. What the hell is she doing now? Is she someone weird? What is she knows hes following her and shes some kind of a mass murderer thats just luring him in?  No way. He is too handsome to die. Y/N started to make a weird sound as in calling someone, or something, Taehyung cant be sure, breaking his horrible thoughts. a After a few minutes of making the strange sound, the bush rustles and a small dirty looking, buy certainly adorable dog came running out from the bush, tails wagging.

Y/N yelp happily when the dog jumped on her and patted its head lovingly.

"Taetae-ah, I'm here. I know I said I wont be here for a few days but I miss my train," she pouts at the dog, which oddly Taehyung found to be extremely cute. "That devil make me miss my train. Aish, I shouldnt have named u after that devil. You are too adorable. He is more of a dog than you ever will be,"

Taehyung chuckle to himself as he comes to a realization from what shes saying. Did she seriously named that stray dog after him? Furthermore, after his cute nickname? And the devil? Is that supposed to be him? She thinks of him as a devil? Is it weird he didnt feel angry at that? Worse, is it weird that he finds this whole thing cutely amusing?

"He purposely made me get punished again. Pd- nim was furious. He cut my allowance and made me come back at 6 am last night," she sighed and keep telling the dog her feelings while petting its head as the dog keeps eating the treat she gave him. "You are my only friend who will listen to me Taetae," Y/N sighed. "I dont have enough money to replace the ticket so I have to tell eomma I couldnt come back for her birthday and she sounded so upset. I hope she wont be mad at me for long. I'm sorry Taetae-ah, but this is all I could give you, I will work hard to earn more money so I can give you more delicious food," she smiles at the dog although it obviously couldnt understand her. "Lets just hope the devil wont make my allowance got cut anymore. Or worse,  get me fired," With that, she stands up and clean her bottom from dust and say goodbye to the dog, promising she will come again the next day.

Taehyung was both fascinated speechless. Fascinated by what he just sees. And speechless by what he just heard. Did he really caused all that?

/////

Things changed after that. Well, not so much since Taehyung still make Y/N's life a living hell. But he would usually excuse himself to get go back home without the boys and followed Y/N. She did the same routine everyday, apparently. Stops by the tteokbokki shop to say hello, which he notice she doesnt eat everyday at, which most probably caused by her lack of income, help the old man cross the road, give some food or change to the beggars, went to the convenience store to get a cup of noodles and dog food and feed Taetae the stray dog.

Its nothing interesting really, just the same thing every day but Taehyung keeps on following her. He actually had fun watching her. Because even after the hell he put her through at work, she will still smile happily and skipped her way down the road. She will then tell about her day to Taetae and as he hides hinself behid the big trees in the park, Taehyung cant help but feels like shes talking to him. Afterall, she did name the dog after him. That must have mean something.

"So thats the concept for this dance. I think you will do a great job in picking out their outfits," Jong Soo, the cheographer that just seems to hate Taehyung very much, always picking on him when Jin is obviously the one doing the wrong moves, tells Y/N. Well, more like flirting with her, with the sly smile and occassional arm touch, and the way he leans against the wall seductively, Taehyung feels like barfing.  It annoys him more that Y/N actually giggles as a respond.

Giggles!

As if what the man is saying is even funny!

"Yeah. Me and the other stylist unnie has some ideas. I just came here to see what exactly are the dance moves," she beams at him.

"You wont be working late tonight right?" Jong Soo gave her a flirtatious smile that makes Taehyung fumed.

"No. Dont worry," she giggles some more. "I'll be on time today,"

"Great. I'll pick you up at 8 alright?" Jong Soo winks and turns back to Hoseok and Jimin, discussing further on the cheography. Taehyung pull his ears, making sure he heard it right. Did Y/N just implied that those two are going out together tonight? Like on a date?! He smirks, an idea rapidly emerging in his head.

Sorry Jong Soo, but Y/N is going to be late tonight.

/////

"Do you know how expensive this is? This is Gucci! GUCCI! Does your simple minded mind even know what Gucci is?!" The senior stylist yelled out at Y/N, steaming with fury as she lifted up the suit jacket that has been quite obviously torn.

"B-but I didnt do it. It was perfectly fine when I put it on Taehyung," Y/N tried to defend herself using whatever courage she has left in front of her fuming supervisor, eyes already glassy with unshed tears. One more scream and Y/N is sure she will burst out crying. Her supervisor huffed.

"Its always wasnt you isnt it? Then whose fault it is? Taehyung?! Why would he ripped his own clothes? Explain to me then!"

"I-I..." Y/N blinked rapidly at the woman in front of her. How can she explained it to her? That Taehyung has an unexplained hatred towards her and he simply does it for his sick enjoyment in seeing her suffer? No one would ever believed it. Not when Kim Taehyung is giving them his big innocent puppy eyes look. Oh please, Y/N knew better. He can fool the others, but not her. She can see his devil horns and pitchfork anytime, that stupid monster from hell. "I really didnt do it..." Y/N mumble in a small voice.

"I dont know what to say Y/N. You have made the same mistakes countless times. Over and over again I gave you a chance. I thought the allowance cut and punishments are enough but apparently it doesnt. I have to report you to the PD. I'm sorry,"

"No please no unnie. I swear I didnt do it! And please. I'll make it right. I-I will come out with another outfit in time for the shoot. Please!" Y/N bowed and begged. If her supervisor report her to the PD, she will lose her job for sure.

"I'm sorry but this mistake is too severe Y/N. This is a sponsored Gucci suit for an advertisement endorsement that Taehyung has to shoot. Theres no such thing as coming out with a new outfit. We need to inform Gucci and apologized. The shoot will be delayed until they sent us a new suit. Do you even know how much trouble you are in?" She huffed. "Stay over at the company tonight and help the makeup artist's unnies to clean their makeup brushes and anything else they need help with, and I dont want to hear any complaints from you," She looks at Y/N before she could even say a word. She can say goodbye to her date with Jong Soo. "You should be lucky this is the only punishment for you and pray that the PD wont ask you to pay back for the ripped suit. I'm really sorry Y/N," her supervisor shot her a sympathetic glanced and walks out, leaving Y/N sniffling alone on the floor.

Y/N was not given anymore styling job for the next two days, only petty things like ironing the discarded clothes or organizing the boys' wardrobe after they are done using it. Y/N knows her days as a stylist at the company are numbered. She can feel it. And true enough, at the end of that second day, she was asked to pack her things and leave the company in 24 hours notice. Too tired to even argue anymore, Y/N nodded and packed her things, but not before stalking off in the practice's room direction where she is going to give Kim Taehyung a piece of her mind.

/////

Taehyung doesnt feel so good. He felt dizzy and extremely exhausted. He is not sure if its because of overworking or he is having a damn fever. He is alone in the practice room, trying to do a few more rounds of that one particular move that he just doesnt seem to get right. He needs to ace it before that bloody Jong Soo gets on his ass again. Trying to overcome his dizziness, Taehyung stand up and get into position, but before he can replay the music, Y/N stormed in.

He wanted to smile at the sight of her but quickly caught himself and puts on his cocky expression instead.

"What are you doing here? This is a practice room and last I check you are just a stylist and stylist dont belong here," he said smugly, not even looking at her direction. Y/N sent him a death glare that he can clearly felt on his back.

"Well, lucky for me that I'm no longer a stylist then,"

Taehyung felt his heart beats faster. What does she meant by that? Did she get fired? Did she quit? Whats going on? But instead of asking what his heart wanted to know, he pushed his curiosity aside and let his ego and pride takes over.

"Oh thank god. Thats good news!" He smirked, gesturing his hand in a grateful manner. "Just between us, you are not a very good stylist. You know, with the ripping and broken zipper and getting your artist late and what not,"

"All of that is not my fault and you know it!" Y/N screamed out. How can this man be so shameless and just pure evil? "I swear! One day people will know that its you who did it!"

"Really now? And who's going to tell all this people? You?" Taehyung lets out a loud sarcastic laugh. "You can try sweetheart but no one will ever believe you,"

"I just didnt think that you would be such an asshole!" Y/N yelled, tears already prickling her eyes.

"An asshole?" Taehyung scoffed and smirks at her. "What big words coming out from a pathethic little girl. I've been called way worse than that sweetheart," he looks at her with eyes full of disgust.

"And thats something to be proud of?" Its Y/N's turn to scoff. "To be called something worse? What kind of a man are you?!"

"A handsome, popular, most sought after one. Definitely better than someone like you," he smirks. "Got any problem with that?"

"What the hell is your problem? Do you even hear yourself right now?! I understand that maybe your conceited ego is blocking you to see the real world around you, but what is your problem with me?! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so? Why do you feel the need to make my life suffer?" Y/N's chest is heaving up and down heavily from anger, angry tears are already rolling down her cheeks. Seeing her cry did something to Taehyung's heart, but right before he can even answer her, his severe dizziness took over and he fainted onto the groud.

Panic at the sight of the idol fainting in front of her, Y/N come to her senses and tries to get him back to conciousness but failed miserably. He is not dead right? And he is not dead because of her right? Y/N placed his fingers under her nose to checked if he is still breathing and felt relieved wjen his warm breath hits her fingers. She quickly helps him up and place his head on her lap and thats when she realized that his temperature is above the roof, indicating a high fever. After a few minutes of wiping his face with a wet cloth, Taehyung seem to stir but doesnt seem to be able to make out any coherent words. The building is already empty by now and Y/N doesnt know the number of any of the members or their managers. She doesnt even know where his dorm is located at and calling her supervisor is out of the question. They will just assume she did something to Taehyung, seeing how hard she tries to blame him the moment before she got fired. Y/N doesnt know what to do and she surely cant just leave him here to stay the night. So she did the only thing she can think of, take him back to her apartment.

/////

"Mhmm Y/N?" Taehyung stirred in his sleep after Y/N puts him in bed with a warm blanket over him. Y/N take a good look at his face. Is he dreaming? His eyes are closed but he called out her name didnt he?

"T-tae? Are you awake? Can you hear me? You have a high fever. But I'm going to help you alright,"

"Y/N mhhmm. Y/N, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Y/N," he keeps mumbling but Y/N cant be sure if she heard him correctly. "I am sorry for hurting you. Never meant to mhhm,"

"Shh Tae its okay. You need your rest alright," Y/N pulls the blanket up to his neck again and continue to put the wet cloth on his forehead, trying her best to ensure he fell asleep.

"L-love you,"

"W-what?" Y/N eyes widen. No way. Taehyung must really be out from his mind. He must think she is someone else. Yes, that must be it. Y/N tries to ignore it and continues to take care of him although her increasing heart beat never seem to be able to calm down. Especially when Taehyung repeated himself, loud and clear.

"I love you Y/N,"

/////

Y/N stayed up all night after Taehyung passed out, trying to nurse him back to health. She did everything she can to lower down his temperature and by the time the dawn breaks Y/N fell asleep in pure exhaustion at his bedside and Taehyung's fever has left him entirely.

Taehyung open his eyes slowly once the bright sunlight reached his eyes. As he blinks rapidly and trying to take in the room around him, he panics. Everything seems unfamiliar. Where is he? He quickly looks around and found Y/N curled in a ball on the floor beside the bed.

Y/N? What is she doing here? Why is she here? He cant remember anything that happened last night. The last thing he remembers is they were arguing in his practice room.

The sound of the bed rustling and Taehyung trying to get out of bed as fast as he can woke Y/N's exhausted form up from her uncomfortable sleep. With sleepy eyes she looks at Taehyung and flashed him a small, tired smile.

"Oh you are awake. How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?!" Taehyung glares at her. "Why are you here with me in this room!?"

Y/N was taken aback. His confession last night is still making her confused and anxious at the same time, and she had wanted to ask him about it today. She didnt think he would really love her, but maybe his confession means some kind of affection and they can atleast be friends now? But why is he back to the old Kim Taehyung? Could it be... that he doesnt remember?

"Y-you fainted last night. Due to a very high fever. So I-"

"Take me home to your house?"

"Y-yeah. I dont know what else to do," Y/N takes a step backwards, scared of his glaring eyes. Y/N knew she didnt do anything wrong. In fact, she should be furious that Taehyung is not down on his knees saying thanks right now but the man is so intimidating it scares her to the core.

"And you think I would believe that?" He scoffed. Y/N furrowed her brows. What is Taehyung saying? Wait.. he cant mean...

"You are not implying what I think you are implying, right Kim Taehyung?"

"If by that you mean I'm implying that you are taking advantage of me and my status by bringing me home to gain some kind of cheap publicity, then yes. Thats exactly what I'm implying!"

"I cant believe you!" Y/N yelled out, tears once again prickling her eyes. How can this conceited man even for one second think that about her? At that moment Taehyung's phone beeped at he scoffed as he scroll at the content of the message he just received.

"Yeah? You think I dont know how girls like you work?" He growls.

"Girls like me? What do you mean  y that?!"

"Your kind applied for a job at some entertainment company, then you will try to make one of us falls in love with you and when you dont succeed, you start to get creative and do this kind of shit. Right?"

"How do you even came up with all of this? What are you even talking about?!" Y/N is frustrated now. How can she get through that thick skull of his and make him see that she doesnt have any othe rintention than just helping him. Which seems to be a big mistake in from her part. She should have just left him in the practice room.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Taehyung shoved his phone,  the message he just received shone in front of her face to be read. To her horror, its a snippet of an article that is clipped together with a photo of Y/N helping Taehyung up the stairs of her apartment. Apparently someone saw her last night, although she has tried to be extremely careful, and the rumors are already ciculating that she is his secret girlfriend.

"Congratulations, you got the publicity that you wanted! But trust me on this, I wont just stand idly by and let you get away with this. You will pay for this rumor," with that Taehyung walked out from the apartment, slamming the door shut, not once looking back.

Y/N finally found out what he meant by her paying for the rumor two days later when the company release an official statement. Taehyung finally commented that Y/N is definitely not his girlfriend and she is just some ex staff who got fired and took advantage of him by bringing him home in his unconcious state. Its a lie alright, but it doesnt sound so bad right? Well, maybe for someone normal. But when that kind of statement comes out from a world wide popular idol with a gazillion of girls protecting him, it became dangerous. Real dangerous. And Y/N  has no where and no one to protect her from the crazy fans chasing her for "attacking and taking advantage of their oppa".

After the first assault from his crazy fangirls that she encountered at the supermarket that leads to her to being pushed and scraped her knees to the point of heavy bleeding, Y/N decided to stay home as much as she can. But for how long can she stay that way? Especially with the craziness of his fangirls that doesnt seem to die down. Y/N have to go out and look for a new job. She needs to buy her groceries. She needs to live. So as an attempt to save herself, she make her way one more time to the company, trying to figure out what to say once she sees Taehyung and the PD. She will beg if she have to. She will do anything and promise to dissappear from the company and Taehyung's life, if they agree to help stop the torment of his fans on her life. But going to the company is a huge mistake on her part, because she forgot that there are always many fans that gathers in front of the building, hoping to atleast catch a glimpse of the boys and just one look at her, all of them rushes over, fuming and angry.

Y/N didnt have the chance to turn back and ran away. Hell, she didnt even have the chance to breathe before she was attacked..hair being pulled, body being beaten, scratched, scream at and clothes being ripped apart. Her face is swollen and sore, bleeding from places that she dont even know and she cant think straight anymore as her vision starts to blurred.

The last thing she remembered was being pushed to the middle of the road and something huge and black might have hit her and she felt pain. So much pain, before a voice that scarily sounds like Taehyung yelled out her name.

Maybe she truly has died and went to hell.

/////

"Arent these fans tired of waiting for us in front of the company?" Namjoon peeks his head through the tinted windows as their black van approaches the company. They are back after recording a music show and the boys are all exhausted and just cant wait to go back to the dorm and sleep. Their manager who is sitting besides him in the driver's seat chuckles.

"Well Joon, they are the one- what the hell is that?!" He stepped on the breaks out of the sudden, making all seven boys who are sleeping, with the exception of Namjoon, slammed forward in their seat.

"Ouch hyung! Whats happening?" Jungkook rubbed his head and yawns, looking around. "Are we back yet?"

"Shit hyung. D-did you hit a person? A fan?" Hoseok panics.

"Who the hell couldnt see a big van passing through and just crossed the road like that?!" Their manager panics too and starts opening the door to check. Jimin and Taehyung looks around from the window at the other fans who are gathered and smirking at the thing, or person, they still dont know for sure, thats lying on the streets in front of the van.

"Uh.. why do I get the feeling that whoever thats lying there is not an accident and is thrown in front of the van?" Jimin gulp nervously.

"What do you mean Chim? Did a sasseang do this?" Jin is curious, trying to peek his head. Namjoon who is still frozen at the front seat finally lean forward to see whats going on, hoping that its not a dead body thats hes going to see.

"Oh fuck,"

"What Joonie?" Yoongi asks curious.

"We did hit a person," Namjoon gulps. "Its that... that girl. I dont know her name. But its that stylist that Taehyung hate,"

"Y/N?!"

Without waiting and not caring if the fans will see and crowds him or not, Taehyung jumped out from the van.

"Y/N!"

/////

"O-oww," Y/N tried to move her body but she cant. Everything hurts, and the blinding white light of the room is not helping at all. If this is heaven, its not as beautiful as people imagined it to be. And it smell like steriled tools and medicine.

"Dont move. It will hurt more,"

And the angel's voice sounds like Kim Taehyung. Maybe shes in hell and not heaven. Yes, thats definitely it.

"Where am I? Am I dead?" She asks. Taehyung chuckles at her cuteness.

"Fortunately you are not. You are in a hospital. Y/N.. you have been attacked by uh.. my.. uh fans..." Taehyung looks down in sadness and guilt. "D-do you remember any of it?"

"Y-yeah," she tries to nod but it hurts too much. "A little bit but what I can remember most is feeling pain. So much pain,"

"I'm sorry Y/N," Taehyung's voice is soft. Is he crying? The cocky, conceited Kim Taehyung is crying?

"W-why are you here Tae?"

Taehyung knows this is not an ideal situation but he cant help but feels happy when Y/N calls him Tae.

"I-uh, Y/N.. your leg is broken and one of your arms are broken too. You broke a rib, there are cuts all over your body and your face is destroyed which will take weeks to fully heal. I cant just leave you alone! We wanted to call your mother but we dont know her details. Can you give her number to me?" He explained to her softly. It kills him inside to see her like this. Broken. Emotionally and physically broken. All because of him.

"No! Uh.. please dont call her. I dont want her to worry," she begged.

"Alright Y/N. Then I wont call her. Which means you leave me no choice but to let me take care of you," Taehyumg grinned, making Y/N uncomfortable.

"M-must it be you? I can take care of myself. A-and can you transfer me to a normal hospital room? I cant afford this," she might not be able to move, but even from what she can see, this is a private VIP hospital room and she definitely cant afford that.

"First of all Y/N, its my fault that you are hurt. So I'm going to nurse you back to health, whether you like it or not. And second, dont worry about anything. I'll make sure you will received the best treatment and care there is. Alright? " he smiles warmly at her and Y/N has no more room to protest.

For the one whole time that Y/N is required to stay in the hospital, Taehyung never left her side.  He feeds her, helps her to go to the bathroom, talks to her, sing to her, read to her and makes her laugh. He did everything he could and Y/N sometimes couldnt  believe that this is the same Taehyung she knows from before. After two weeks, Y/N is finally allowed to go back home and of course, Taehyung asks his manager to send them to her house and he helps her settles in.

"I'm okay now Tae. Thanks for everything. You can go now," she bowed from her wheelchair and smile. Taehyung looks at her funny.

"Uh no?" He sits down on her couch and make himself comfortable. "Do you think I would leave you alone and helpless? I will be here everyday at early morning when you wake up and only leave when you are sound asleep. Until you are capable of doing things on your own, thats what I'm going to do. And no, you cant protest," he grins before Y/N could have said anything.

So that is what exactly Taehyumg did for the next two months. He came in early in the morning with breakfast in hand, using the spare key he shamelessly made for himself. Feeds her, helps her washed up, clean her house, did her laundry, buying her groceries, cook, which he is very bad at, reads to her and just talking to her, making her laugh all day. Y/N has started to get used to his presence now and learned that, when he wants to be, he is actually nice and fun to be around. Hes funny, entertaining, smart and sweet all rolled into one. If only it didnt take all this for him to show her his true colors.

As he spent more days with Y/N, Taehyung realized that the feelings he has for her is definitely not hate. He still doesmt know what it is, but definitely, definitely not hate. He loves spending time with her. All the little quirks he learns about her is making him more interested in her, and the best part of his day now, other than spending time with Y/N of course, is doing her chores of helping the same old man he saw before cross the road, drop one won bill each to the beggars and feeds Taetae, which Y/N accidentally told the name of the dog to him with a hard blush. It amazes him how even in her condition,she stills wants to help others. She still wants to buy the dog food and give the beggars whatever change she has although she herself has little to none. Taehyung has never known anyone like her, and every single day his heart blooms just from seeing her face or even hearing her name.

He realized now. Hoseok was right. He is in love. He is in love with Y/N. But he realized it too late because Y/N is finally capable of standing up and walking, although still toddling, and told him that he doesnt need to come by anymore.

Y/N doesnt need him anymore.

/////

"What are you doing here Taehyung?" Y/N looks at him weirdly as she opens the door to see Kim Taehyung standing nervously at the door, holding a bouquet of flowers tight in his grasp. "Did you forget that you dont need to come anymore?" She smiles. He has been coming over for more than two months now. Maybe he forgot that he doesnt need to come anymore. "You dont have to come anymore Tae. Thanks for everything Taehyung. I guess I'll see you when I see you okay?" She bowed and starts to close the door and Taehyung quickly pushed the door back open, surprising her.

"Do you need anything?" She looks at him, brows furrowed. Taehyung looks at her face. Her pretty, pretty face. How can he not notice it before? After taking a nervous gulp he opens his mouth.

"Y-you,"

"Excuse me?"

"Y-you. You Y/N. You asked me if I need anything and I know the answer to that now. I need you. You are the missing piece that I need in my life," he fiddled with the stem of the flowers he is holding.

"Huh?" Y/N looks at him with a confused face before it turns into a smile. "Ahh, you are making fun of me again. One last time?" She giggles. "Good one Taehyung. But you should have gone with something else. I would never believe you will like me but nice try though," she nods and push the door close again but Taehyung kept it open with his strength and pushed himself inside.

"I-I know its going to be hard to believe. I-I mean I wouldnt believe me either if I were you. But I'm serious Y/N. I'm dead serious. I-I want to try with you," he stuttered his words out.

"Try? Try what? What do you mean?"

"T-try to be your boyfriend,"

"B-boyfriend?" Y/N's eyes turns wide. "You should stop it Taehyung. I already know this is a joke Its not funny anymore," her face turns into despair and Taehyung panics when he sees her eyes are starting to get wet.

"I'm not kidding!" He placed down the flowers and held both of her hand in his, clasping it tight. "I knew now why I was so mean to you before. Why I make your life a living hell. No, not now. I have known it for quite some time but I'm just too stupid, cocky and conceited to admit to it," he peeks into her eyes. "Y/N, you have captured my eyes, and heart, the moment we first met way back and I was too over my head to accept the fact that you are unfazed by me. I got angry, and then I got jealous at how you can seem to live your life normally and happily without me. So, I start acting mean to you. I need to be on your mind, in your life. In any way that I can, even if its in a bad way. I did all that so that you will always remember me. In some ways it did work, you did think of me all the time, but in a bad, bad way,"

Y/N is speechless.

"I know its stupid. Idiotic. Childish at its best. But Y/N, after everything we have been through and after all the opportunities you gave me so I can get to know you, I am not afraid anymore. I realized I should have just come forward and said it. I should have try to win your heart by treating you the way you deserve, like a queen. I'm sorry Y/N,"

"I-I..."

"Its okay. You dont have to decide now. But please, please dont kick me out from your life. Let me be with you. Y/N... I love you," Taehyung finally have the courage to say how he really feels.

The air was filled with silence for a few moment, Taehyung nervously gulped as he waits for her reply. After a long excuriating wait, Y/N finally answers.

"N-no. This cant be true. You hated me! A-and I hated you!" Y/N took a step back from him and Taehyung smiles. From her answers he can already tell that he has managed to penetrate through her heart. He takes a step forward to her and gave her his signature smile.

"You dont hate me Y/N,"

"I-I do. I really hate you. You put me through hell! I hate you Kim Taehyung!"

"Do you really?" He cocked his head and grins. "It doesnt matter, because Y/N. I love you,"

"I-I,"

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you and I love you L/N Y/N,"he smiles. "And I will do whatever it takes to make it right again. To make you believe me,"

"Y-you are not lying Tae?"

"Y/N... I cant stop thinking about you. Your face is all I can see when I close my eyes. Your voice is all I can hear. Just being near you makes me happy. Heck, just hearing your name is enough to make my day. I will give up everything for you. I will take care of you. I will help you get back your job. I will make sure you no longer have to eat only cup noodles. I will buy you all the tickets you need to go back home and see your mother. I would even drive you there Y/N. I will even introduce you to my parents. And lets adopt Taetae for real. He can be friends with Yeontan. Would I do all these if I'm not really in love with you Y/N?"

"Tae..." Y/N sniffles, a smile finally grazing her lips.

"So..." Taehyung hold her hands and rub the back with his thumbs. "Do you still hate me now?"

"People might say I'm stupid... but I... I love you Taehyung," she grins, and Taehyung was taken by surprise. Is this for real? D-did she confessed? "I have love you since we first met but I knew there is no way you would go for me. So I pushed it aside,"

"No!" Taehyung panics. "Uh I mean please dont. Dont push your feelings away. Please. I'm here now. I'm here to give you all my love Y/N. I promise. I promise you will be the happiest woman in the world," he takes her hand that he is still holding and kissed it. "Thank you Y/N. And we can go as slow as you want. As long as I still get to be by your side,"

Y/N nods. Her smile too big to be concealed anymore.

"Yeah. Lets do that. Lets rebuild back our relationship," her eyes looks at him lovingly. "And you dont have to do anything Taehyung. Hearing you say you love me? I'm already the happiest woman in the world,"

"Then, I will make you happy every single day. I love you L/N Y/N. So so much," he leans in close and cups her chin. "M-may I? Kiss you?"

Y/N nodded shyly.

And nothing could ever describe the feeling she felt when Taehyung finally touched his lips with hers. She fell in love with the devil, and it feels like heaven.

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Heya purge! I saw in one of your tags that you’d been consuming fic for around 20 years! That’s like my whole life. Mind telling us how things have changed? I’m sure places like ao3 have changed things a lot. I’m just really curious in fandom and fanfic culture! :3 x

Ao3 is a fucking godsend let me tell you. I won’t make a lot of the same points and stuff that fannish history folks have already documented (how it literally changed, and all the fic we’ve lost that isn’t backed up on floppy disk somewhere… I’d say we’ve lost an equivalent to the digital burning of alexandria honestly) but i can tell you my experience :3

I’ll stick it under a cut cuz i kind of rambled… but i had fun doing so ahahha xD sorry you unleashed the tiger from the cage xD

We all make jokes about ‘being there’ when stuff in fandom history happened, but i’ve been around since all the major purges (LOL my name is so fitting in retrospect ahahha). ff.net’s various purges (and the whole anne rice suing fanfic writers and shit… i never DID agree to their new terms of service haha), geocities sites going down, obviously the more recent shit too, but like I’ve been around even for the creations of certain, older fanfic sites too (one of the oldest slash forums for lord of the rings fics for example… I was there, Gandalf LOLOL!!… and now that i check the date on that i feel old as balls thanks anon xDDD and wow my one fic is still up there PFFFFT) but like, I come from an era where you took your floppy disk and copy/pasted shit from online (once it even loaded) for later reading, and also so you could find it again, because also before ff.net it was hard to find stuff. I’m pre-google ya’ll xD You dont UNDERSTAND the horrors of trying to find anything pre-google. Ya’ll have it so fucking good D:

There was never an abundance of content like there is today, and so you can bet your shit we were grateful as fuck for what was out there, let alone for someone with a decent command of writing and storytelling. Everyone commented on everything (once that was something even implemented… it was email lists before that, and comments sent in that way… i still have my e-mailed comments from fic readers haha), and it was (and still is, in my honest opinion because people entitled as FUCK now) one of the GREATEST faux paus you could do to be reading a fic (esp. multi-chaptered) and not comment. The indignity of not giving back a little (and it still is a little, which is why i get so damn fired up on this subject) for aaaaaaaall the words and story and everything you just read was a serious sin against fanfic writers. I still think its seriously fucked up not to comment (and again, i’ve mentioned that if you dont got the spoons, thats obviously different) but like, the entitlement that runs rampant today did not even exist back then. Yeah, you still had the assholes whose comment would literally consist only of “where’s the rest?” with ZERO actual thanks or input while expecting/thinking they deserve more (and THEN you could remove chapters or stories, cuz god giveth and damn does she taketh away xD), but it wasn’t nearly as prolific as it is today.

The commenting culture today and the backlash against writers wanting comments on their work in return for providing said free content makes me mad enough to wanna curb stomp some people. I’m a bartender, I don’t put up with shit HAHA xD But the entitlement especially now and people who act like writers are being uppity for wanting a small return on their craft are disgusting. Same type of entitlement as art thieves (we all know the type). We didn’t put up with that shit back then. People acting like little bitches wanting free stuff for literally nothing? We’d pull the whole fic. And the community would handle it and it usually turned into a teaching moment about how damn important it is to comment and just how much freaking control writers DO have over their media. We’d pull it from public view unless amends were made (whether that be a private note from someone entitled finally paying their fucking due with proper humility, or reaching a comment count when you had hundreds of people reading but not commenting). Damn i miss taking away fic xD We played hardball back then xD

That was the fucking worst and people were rightfully denied access to fic if hits didn’t coincide with comments. You could publish a chapter and then decide to remove it from view (either for editing, or hostage taking for comments…. which i miss dearly AHAHAH it forced people to learn to be proper commenters and interact with those whose media they were consuming). It’s a big part of what I miss because just like a proper community, people kept each other in check and made sure everyone played nice. You enjoyed a fic? You sure as hell let that writer know. Now though…. the entitlement drives me up the fucking absolute walls and makes me wanna put stuff behind a paywall sometimes…. everyone is lucky im lazy as shit tho AHAHAH and im usually fine after venting xD

But yeah, fanfic culture in general has shifted in a major way to constantly consume and NEVER give back, either in comments, or creating new content yourself to also add to the community (for example as i’m sure we’re all aware, like ALL the people who bitch about certain ships or ‘why ship this when you can ship THIS?’…. Like, instead of bitching that ‘WAH WAH this author doesnt WRITE the ship I LIKE why can’t they write THAT??’ people came up with the radical idea of CREATING the content they wanted to see :| And if weren’t that good of a writer/artist to do so? Well then you SUPPORTED the writers/artists you enjoyed by leaving comments on their shit OR getting a commission… Goddamn i remember when even ‘commissioning’ people was a wild concept… Ya’ll dont know ahahah xD

I do believe that this is a huge source of where Anti-shipper behavior has stemmed from; entitlement gone berserk. And public schools and shit are still largely full of my parents’ generation who were not computer-literate either in function or courtesy, so even as internet social skills are not being taught correctly (or safety; they scared the SHIT out of us back in the day and now everyone has all their shit and pictures online haha) so there’s also a huge disconnect socially which i think has impacted online fandom spaces and what is considered acceptable or not. People also turn into fucking swine when they think they’re anonymous online (and boy do they change their tune fucking quickly when you out them) and i think the whole anonymity thing is also a factor of this whole entitlement issue in fandom spaces; making demands without giving ANYTHING back. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, I don’t put up with that shit, and it’s not a coincidence I was going to work for the CIA after I just left Japan about 3yrs back (thank fuck I didn’t cuz FUUUUCK this administration) cuz people are dumb as shit and basic tracking skills to call someone out on their bullshit has been my bread and butter since i was like 12 haha. You act dishonest and entitled, and it’s gonna come back to you in some shape or form. You’re going to reap what you sow. That was the motto back then and I still believe in it today.

Hell, it has shocked the FUCK out of me the few times i’ve had people tell me ‘omg me and my friend were talking about your latest update!’ and i’m just like O_O????? because also back in the day, ‘fanfiction’ was kind of a taboo word. You never said you were into fanfic in mixed company. You more or less NEVER discussed it publicly (I’m not even talking dirty stuff, just normal, sfw fanfiction) because it primarily existed only online (for me; i’m post-fan magazines but pre-internet fanfic sites LOLOL). Hell, I got my college english professor into fanfiction. She didn’t even know what it was, let alone that something like that existed, and I had to explain it to her my first year of college kind of with a red face xD She was a writing-professor too so like, let that date the culture a bit. Like, if that was literally her major field of expertise and she didn’t know about it, that should tell you how not-mainstream fanfic was.

I’m kind of out of touch with that myself. Do kids (ya’ll are kids to me okay? xD) mention fanfiction as a reading/entertainment medium in normal conversation? Like, you could mention, without getting weird looks, ‘oh i enjoy reading fanfiction’ or (and i’m like internally gasping at the idea here) being able to say ‘yeah i enjoy writing fanfiction’? Is that a thing? I sure as hell don’t tell my peers that I write fanfic, let alone that i’m approaching 1million words for borderlands stuff alone AHAHAH It’s STILL taboo and seen as a lesser writing medium to folks my age. If you weren’t in a ‘geek’ circle (and i mean, i had friends who played D&D at lunch, and one friend who we mentioned fanfic together with) then culturally, as an art form, it wasn’t acceptable to discuss. Like, i’m STILL in that mindset that fanfic is not something to be discussed off the internet with people and it makes me very very uncomfortable to do so unless i know 100% I can speak discretely with someone. That’s what the offline culture was. I know its way different in some respects, like me and my youngest sister are 10yrs apart and her experiences with fandom are wildly different, but the idea of people actually talking about someone’s fic together with friends absolutely blows my fucking mind.

So, it’s changed in good ways too xD I just fucking HATE people who think they’re entitled to never comment or give back to the community sooooo i tend to get stuck on that issue, ESPECIALLY, again, as a writer approaching 1million words. *salute* doing my duty to the fandom community LOLOL or polluting the fandom community if you’re an anti AHAHAH antis can suck my entire ass and i’ll go on to put another million words of what they HATE into the world and they cant stop me ;3 spite is a fabulous motivator xD

The tools back then were a lot more crude, abilities and functionality was limited (but also better in some ways; moving fic to the ‘backroom’ so to speak), and even finding stuff was hard and relied on the hushed whispers of friends, but damn the community was better. So much better. So much more positive and accountability made people decent. So like, I do LOVE a lot of what we have now, but we have lost SO much. Both in terms of content and sense of community. I wish people would put more positivity into the content they’re consuming and lift up others. It’s why i try my damnedest to leave commenting tags on EVERY SINGLE THING i ever reblog here, because i *know* firsthand how much it means. To scream your art into the silence and only get the equivalent of stares back is maddening.

So yeah. Stuff has changed. Capitalism and censorship are running especially rampant hand-in-hand right now, and lord forbid we come full circle where there are no more places for us. I mean, if we have to go back to email lists, hell I’m already ready and an old veteran to that system anyhow. I’d miss all the content we all have access to…. but then there’s also that 90% commenting rate you get with that kind of system so HEEEEEY let it all fall down! bahahah xD

[janiedean]

@nederys all of you guys kinda lost your shit but i don't think you're being consistent at all. you didn't go for it being misinformed or wrongly placed, just that it was "gross" bc it was "romanticizing" blabla, like if someone made a fic about ETA terrorists or whatever and i advocated censorship and asked for it not to exist. when you accept kink and RPF, you need to stand on that principle even when it's YOUR personal/national. shaming ppl into submission is the anti strategy and it doesnt actually convince anybody of anything, much literally if it's screaming in another language to the OPs. i didnt wanna reblog or anything but i was very unpleasantly surprised with how you guys handled the situation (and i say this bc i care and i know you value rationality, not to piss you off YOUR personal/national sensibility like if someone wants to write a fic 'romanticizing' tec bundy murders or a rape fantasy or whatever it's their field day just tag it properly, it's no different for a criminal organization as i see it. a piece of sexual fantasy or literary work is not a guarantee it's portrayed in an accurate way or that it's a moral endorsementj + I'll hear your argument on 'positive representation' so i'll take your word for now but it did really come of like "your evil porn is romanticizing evil irl so it should be censored". as for the bad taste etc thing - as long as the person in question doesn't find out i dont personally see the harm. other ppl getting second-handed distastefulness/offense about it is a slippery slope, bc again that quickly devolves into "ugh why you write about rape! / rpf! if you can write kink porn and you can do rpf (like i mean, what, we just tweak the hair color and the initials to make it 'fictional'?) - it follows you can write "distasteful" kink porn about rpf all you want. it's still fiction.okay in order

In order:

as I said in the other reply, people lost their shit because we’ve had this discussion for years and every time it happens SOMEONE (most likely american but not necessarily) shows yup informing us that since mafia in US english means generally organized crime and not THAT specific organized crime we need to chill and WHO CARES YOU’RE OVERREACTING. at some point there’s a limit to how much nice you can be when you’ve been trying nicely for years and people just dismiss you most likely also because you’re not poc enough to complain - again, when it happens with people who can fall into the POC definition doing this kinda stuff automatically means you’re racist, but with us it’s not even disrespectful? or recognized as potentially harmful? fine, we lost our shit, but it’s also not the first time it happens;

the point isn’t that they were making a fic about the mafia, but if we take the ETA terrorism similitude, it wasn’t ‘making a fic abut ETA’. it was, ‘we are making an RPF fic where we take a real living spanish actor who has a friend who died during an ETA bombing and we make him the commander of an ETA faction which plants a bomb in madrid’. I’d find it distasteful if it was about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS, but whatevr - it’s fictional. real people who are actually involved with those criminals on the other side? not so cool. and the fact that these people see nothing wrong with casting them as criminals for *the mafia* shows they have no idea of what they’re talking about and again, with fictional people you can try to ignore it (even if it irks me also because 90% of the time it shows a total failure of understanding the character just by casting them as mafiosi but never mind that’s my pet peeve), but real ones? who made a pro lgbt movie and are *allies* when a mafia killing actually was what kickstarted the creation of the hugest and first anti-homophobia/pro-gay lgbtq association in italy? like. that’s fucking with real people and honestly if I was the director and knew I’d feel personally slandered especially if I come from someplace where statistically everyone knows someone who’s been hurt by the mafia in the last fifty years if they weren’t themselves. like I had a friend whose father worked for the police and the antimafia division especially and lived in palermo back in the day and criminals did try to grab her out of her pre-school and they had to change cities VERY quickly after that, and I don’t even live in sicily. and she’s not even sicilian. it was twenty years ago when they planted bombs across the entire area and killed hundreds of people just in the 90s (comprehensive list). it’s not just WRITING FIC ABOUT THE MAFIA, which I could be relatively handwaving with if it was about fictional people and even then it irks me to hell and back, but real people? who make movies pro things that the mafia hates? really? and I have to hear ‘are you angry because you’re homophobes’? I don’t ask for it NOT TO EXIST, I’m asking a basic modicum of decency.

ted bundy vs mafia: ted bundy is ONE person and he’s been convicted and whatever. if someone’s personal fantasy is fucking ted bundy WHATEVER their problem. if THEY want to do the self-insert with real criminals whatever, idgi but if they’re aware of the implications whatever. the mafia is a bunch of people and they thrive on positive media representation and it’s such large scale that it fucks with this entire country on multiple levels (ad also other countries) and here you’re not using real criminals, you’re casting as criminals people who most likely have been hurt by that same organization. it’s a difference. and if you portray it as a nice organization where hey you help people bypassing the law and gay people are accepted it’s... just... not how it works.

rpf: I’m generally pro rpf as long as people don’t go to the actual real people and don’t harass them irl (which would make a lot of rpf shippers inappropriate) but like... idk if you were around in spn fandom at the time of the infamous j2 haiti fic, but if you weren’t, tldr: person sees the aftermath of the haiti earthquake on tv, thinks ‘well that’d make a perfect setting for my j2 bigbang fic’, writes an entire fic where jared and jensen go to haiti the month it happened, her artist makes art for it photoshopping those two over like... real pictures of real dead people and three betas don’t find nothing remotely cringy in this concept. the fic gets published. it gets slandered to hell and back and while I didn’t agree on assuming the author was a pre-trump (she most likely had no idea that stuff was kindaaa racist) and that she should have been educated, I’d like to presume that people would think thrice before setting a Romance Story TM on a background where when it was published people were still excavating corpses from the rubble. it’s about the same concept as the romantic mafia fic. but with the haiti fic anyone on tumblr would agree that it’s hardly appropriate, with mafia fic it’s just ‘meh shut up you’re whining’. also, while I do agree that jared and jensen, as famous people, signed up for this, too, I don’t really think using real people for this kind of thing is fair, educated or a favor to them. I get it’s all fantasy and so on, but at least use the fictional characters. I can imagine j2 wouldn’t be happy with knowing noncon fic where they’re protagonists exists, neither with the haiti fic, but the noncon is standard fandom kink and whatever and no one else is involved, the haiti fic DOES. and while the people in those pictures wouldn’t even know, if that’s what you jerk off to at least be aware that it’s not exactly tasteful. and the people mentioned had zero idea that jerking off to the *mafia* au is not tasteful and that the *mafia* is *not* random organized crime. no one would have a problem if they called them CRIMINALS or mob or whatever without using the specific mafia word, but they like it because AESTHETICS which 90% of the time aren’t even true because the godfather aesthetic is so NOT the camorra aesthetic it’s not even funny. and of course we shoudl educate people instead, too bad that if it’s about haiti they listen and if it’s about us, they don’t;

 kink: same as above but like, again, let’s always use the poor j2 guys. the j2 mafia au as above is absolutely ew to me but at least j2 are american and most likely didn’t grow up somewhere the mafia could kill their relatives or friends. guadagnino did. and whether he knows or not (HOPEFULLY HE NEVER FINDS OUT) it’s another level of disrespectful to take a guy who made a pro lgbt movie you liked and putting him in that scenario without being aware of it. and they don’t listen if you tell them. that’s the problem. I can be very tolerant, but good god at least hear people out on the subject. and if it concerns a situation that isn’t even old or a dead organization but one that’s thriving in the country still and fucks people over every day I’d like for these people to recognize that at least it’s something not cool and not just their jerk off fodder material. at this point do the GODFATHER AU, which is what they want anyway, stick with the american mafia and try to not give them positive rep, because this idea of the mafia as a cool thing plays a major role in actual mafia organization marketing themselves as a good thing and makes the work of people actually fighting them way harder. if no one thought it was cool, it wouldn’t have half the influence it has. but do I ever see mafia aus with cops or conflicted henchmen or the likes? nah. it’s all SAD ROMANTIC BACKSTORY WITH CRIMINALS. call it some other way. it’s not asking that much.

also: I am entirely down with mafia stories in media and stuff - again, I ove my sopranos and boardwalk empire and goodfellas and I actually do like the godfather when a lot of people here at this point hate it too, but none of those things make it look like it’s palatable to be in the mafia. people can jerk off to it I suppose, but at least they should be aware of that. lowering the bar, it’s why I get pissed at people passing jc as a healthy nice relationship - at least own up to your badwrong and don’t sugarcoat it. in this case they don’t even own up to the fact that it’s a real thing that hurts real people, never mind caring for the feelings of the people they’re fans of - I could jerk off to my rpf faves in anything but I’d like to know I’m not doing it to something they would loathe, and if you have to at least use the fictional characters as the jerk-off material. I mean I’d feel uncomfortable af using them as jerk-off material to something I know they as people would hate. obviously I’m pro write whatever you want, but I’m also pro ‘be aware of what you’re doing and know you’re possibly jerking off to things that are actually harmful to a lot of people and if you do and are cool with that whatever but at least try to not make it look as it’s a good thing�� while at the same time assuming that someone who tells you it’s not cool is doing it because they’re HOMOPHOBES when the mafia is the most homophobic organization in existence or close to it. we do need positive rep when it comes to mafia stories and we never get it.

like, final example: if I had seen one ‘steve rogers is a cop who wants to take down the mafia-like organization’ for every ten ‘tiny boss steve rogers and his russian henchman bucky are THE POWER COUPLE OF THE NY CRIME SCENE AND THEY KISS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND HELP THE WEAK WHEN THE POLICE SUCKS ASS’ fics I ran into it’d be lovely, but the point is that I’ve never seen one such fic even if it’s a lot more IC for steve rogers to take down criminals than being a criminal, and if you make people notice that nicely (which we did more than once) the usual answer is ‘go fuck yourself it’s just aesthetics the mafia doesn’t hurt anyone’ when it actually did, does and will do as long as they have means to, and since this recasting of canonically good characters as *mafia* henchmen who are happy to be there and not itching to get out just really makes pass the concept that the mafia isn’t really that bad I think I/we affected people have the rights to point out that it’s already a distasteful thing that people should at least read about before assuming it’s random organized crime that can be substituted for whichever worldbuilding they like, and if they don’t care for that fine, at least avoid involving real people who actually would loathe that irl in it or, if anything, at least recognize that it’s fucked up to hell and back. and none of the people in that thread had the grace to do that.

I mean, obviously if I had to take the choice between one such fic not existing at all but censoring stuff and it existing without censoring stuff I’d pick the latter even if I absolutely don’t like it, but what irks me and the other people involved in this debate is how nonchalantly people do these recasting assuming that they’re not romanticizing the thing (which they’re doing) and then don’t listen to others when they’re pointed out that they’re doing it and they should be aware.

like, again, I think the haiti fic was a thing that no one with some salt in their brain and a basic amount of decency should have published. someone did. they got criticized for it and it sprung a lot of discussion (including comparing it with a gen kill fic set in east timor during the war which actually did it right and so no one actually thought it was exploiting a tragedy or being in bad taste) and tbh I think that when doing fic about serious things you should at least read up on that. but the point is that these people don’t listen, haven’t listened for years and most likely will keep on not listening and sorry but seeing a person from palermo who shoots movies that would make any cosa nostra boss mad being recast as a cosa nostra/mafia sicilian boss who, if compared to a, uh, real life person who died recently would deal with people seceding from this organization by ordering to kidnap their children and have them dissolved in acid at the ripe age of nine is really goddamned distateful and hearing ‘so your problem is that they’re gay is that why you’re so angry’ as a response instead of reading it and thinking ‘damn maybe that was a bit out of line’ isn’t exactly that great.

especially because again, these organization thrive on people assuming they’re less bad than they actually are and we’re not talking about stuff that happened three hundred years ago - the kid dissolved in acid happened in 1996 and it’s hardly the last time something like that happened. it’s not a general crime organization, it’s a very specific one, and I’ll be fine with people jerking off to any italian stereotype in existence while I roll my eyes and be fine with it, but at least I’d like these people to know what they’re doing. and they aren’t. and they should be. and on top of that some positive rep where the mafia people are inherently bad and the good guys want to take them down would be nice. I do get that it looks like I’m being incoherent but I’m not saying they can’t do it, I’m saying they should show a minimum of consideration, and they aren’t. then no one’s stopping them from doing it of course but just the fact that they-won’t-listen kind of says a lot. :/ and when it comes to real people and real things it’s not just fiction and you should at least be aware of that.

[alphacrone]

the omgcp harry potter world au i keep threatening to write but probably won’t

ok so for convenience’s sake (and bc I'm NOT fighting about houses ever) the whole team is in hufflepuff

in this au, squibs have only in the past decade been allowed at hogwarts

Bad Bob is head of the auror department, one of the most accomplished and celebrated aurors (and ootp members) during the first wizarding war

Alicia is probably a reporter for the prophet or, in a fun twist, captain of the holyhead harpies

Jack is the squib son of two of the wizarding world’s most treasured celebrities. his anxiety gets to a boiling point at age ten when he has yet to display any sort of powers and it's so bad that he has to take a year off before starting hogwarts at age 12

(Alicia wants to send him to muggle school instead, thinks it would be better for him, but Jack desperately wants to be at Hogwarts, to be an auror like his father.)

Squibs can't take classes like charms or transfiguration that require wand work, but things like potions, astronomy, history of magic, etc don't

Jack falls in love with history of magic, and later ancient runes

(I imagine there are like Squib Life Skills classes to round out their curriculum and they're basically How to Be a Muggle and Do Things Wizards Wouldn't Think Of)

ANYWAY so jack finds comfort in quidditch, bc in my verse you don't have to have magic to fly one, and is basically the Oliver Wood of hufflepuff

His fifth or sixth year, their seeker, wicks, gets sick or injured or fed up with jack’s surly behavior and two weeks before their first match they have to bring in the reserve, bittle

and he's the fastest fucking flier jack’s ever met, but there's one small problem: the kid is TERRIFIED of bludgers. One gets near him, he passes out -- IN AIR

their first practice bitty falls off his broom and jack barely catches him

and he's so angry about this. Bittle has MAGIC Bittle can easily heal himself Bittle could use any manner of spell to train himself against this fear and he DOESNT

(It's an irrational anger and jack does realize this. It's just. Hufflepuff hasn't won the cup in ages and jack’s already had to prove so much by being a squib and yeah ok the wizarding world is not kind to mental illness and jack’s anxiety is largely undiagnosed/treated it's not good)

Part of me really wants to make Bits a werewolf a la lupin (hello queer coding) and I guess his thing with his parents could be transferred into his parents knowing, obviously, but harboring the same, internalized prejudices and all of them dealing with the fact that he'll never live a normal life

ANYWAY jack works b through bludger drills in the mornings before breakfast and they happen to take the same care of magical creatures class (Bittle has like a sixth sense w them bc of the wolf thing and jack finds animals so much more comforting than humans) and really become friends

And like so rans and Holster are the beaters, obviously, and for rn Johnson is goalie (he'll graduate soon and chowder will take over). I want Lardo on the team so she'd be a chaser along with jack and shitty.

And they're in an intense game with slytherin and like some douche bag (parse? or some kid whose parents bob put in azkaban?) aims a really nasty bludger at jack

But Jack ducks, not realizing that bitty was behind him

Bitty hits the ground before anyone can react, out cold

They all lose their shit (and the game, without their seeker) and jack can't even care because Bittle is bleeding on the ground twenty feet below

They rush him to the hospital wing and he's fine but has to spend a few nights there

Unfortunately it coincides with the full moon and idk maybe Jack accidentally sees madame pomfrey fixing up the wolfsbane potion and Realizes

he freaks out a little because that's a huge secret he's just figured out but like...he sort of realizes that the entire team had already figured it out.

“he went home too often for someone who didn't like going home”

“bits didn't get those scars from quidditch, obviously”

“i have a uterus. I know a thing or two about cycles.”

so they sneak out to hogsmeade and get Bits a shit ton of sweets from honeydukes and surprise him the next morning when he's feeling like crap in the hospital wing

and bitty is starting to realize they all know and they aren't mad at him for losing them the cup they just love him a whole lot and are happy he's ok and it's all really overwhelming but happy

and jack, big loser he is, asks bitty out with, like, a candy snitch or something. a toy broomstick. and it's ridiculous and ofc bitty says yes

(they're that gross couple at three broomsticks just making heart eyes at each other the whole time.)

ANYWAY jack learns not to judge himself based on childhood expectations and Bittle learns that there are ppl in the world who love him unconditionally

Bits goes on to be the first werewolf player on a professional quidditch team. Jack becomes a historian, and teaches history of magic for a few years while Binns is on sabbatical (to...wherever ghosts can go? idk)

and they get married and live in the muggle world, content to only visit magic on the weekends.

I really didn't think this au through and this is why I probably won't actually write a fic for it lol

HAPPY MAGICAL BOYS thank you for your time

[yeoldontknow]

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO ASK GAMES YOU ARE ALWAYS SO FUN *_* 40 and 50 - who are your favorite writers on tumblr and pick a favorite story of them !!!

awwww hello cutie anon

40. share some backstory for one of your charactersdajkfjhasjahfk uh...wow ok well. i need to figure out how to do this without giving away spoilers yikes bikes ok well alright i can do DYS!jongin

DYS jongin and the duchess met around the end of university. youll remember from jongdaes story this was a thing that happened:

It’s hard to remember that it was not always this easy, that Jongin and a friend whose name you can no longer remember were the ones who forced you both into company, simply because they dragged you on their dates. It’s hard to remember that they would flirt around you, while you both scowled [...]

When Jongin and his girlfriend broke up, [...]

jongin originally had a girlfriend named joy (the empress doesnt remember but i do...oh how i do lmao) who was friends with the empress. jongin and jongdae were roommates in college, and in an effort to hook their friends up, brought jongdae and the empress on double dates which turned into misery lmao about two years after that, he meets the duchess - jongdae and the empress have been friends about seven years, known each other for eight. jongin and the duchess have known each other for five. she is brought to the friendship group by chanyeol’s countess - listen the web of things connecting all these people is out of control lmao WHEN I HAVE MORE TIME AND AM NOT TIRED FROM A WORK DAY ILL WRITE THIS ALL OUT FOR PEOPLE LOL

50. who are your favorite writers on tumblr and pick a favorite story by themi dont usually do fic recs because i dont read enough nor do i have time and it makes me sad but its been ages since ive done a thing like this so i will do it

@kpopfanfictrash - important to stress that i was shanna maries hype woman before i became her friend my pic: One Shot (listen....listen. im up no strings’ ass just like the rest of the world, but one shot was The Fic ok. its like...The Fic For Me. whenever she mentions it, i arrive on her blog like ‘hello i was paged.’ whenever someone reads it, i feel tingles in my hair. its The Fic.) i will be screaming about this fic until the heat death of the universe

@kollectionn - imagine having all the worlds in your brain like sunshine does and also being so brilliant at showing them to the actual world? what is that like? who knows but she does and im in awemy pic: Struck - look Charred is special to me because it was the first of her other world series, and it was chanyeol, AND i have never felt so...like a character in my life as i do the saviour. im a literature mess, obsessed with language and antiquity and worlds, i fret over the dumbest shit, but also like - would totally save a planet if the way to save the planet was by reading????fliwejfoweijfo ITS ME. BUT this is not about charred this is about struck, the story that came after, the story that is arguably better than charred because stylistically this is where sunshine found herself and holy shit can you see it. everything about struck is literally perfect, and you can visibly tell sunshine was Living It in her soul which made reading it just a remarkable experience. 

@rapmonluv - amy: a talented hoe, a loving hoe. i love amy so much shes so good and puremy pic: Passionfruit. ok so i just binge read this like 3 days ago and holy wow what a namjoon. the world needs more namjoons like this - with the wild minds but also the really like wonderfully open personality and the confidence of unabashedly being themselves regardless of how insecure they can feel. SUCH. HUMAN. CHARACTERS.

@the-porcelain-doll-xo - the greatest, loudest, kindest soul on this earthmy pic: Chronicles and Classifieds. it’s been one chapter and im still not over it. just read it. i have yet to forgive her for writing soo so unbelievably well i want to yodel into the night sky

@from-dae-do-dae - i have precisely no words to describe how much i love my soul anon who is no longer anon and the fact that shes writing again makes my heart want to jump into the fucking sun my pic: When We Were Young - she just started posting this and i just started reading it and when i finally finish writing all the things i have in the next few days she should expect a yelling message from me :) AND YOU SHOULD YELL AT HER TOO OMG

i have a lot of other faves but this is all i can do for now because i am sleepy lmao

[nyancheetosmusical]

Dead Evan Hansen AU

@totally-not-using-a-fake-name yelled in our gm one day about an AU where Evan’s suicide was successful but he becomes a ghost. And then him finding Connor in the woods trying to kill himself and stopping him. So, as per usual, we wrote it, with @just-musicals throwing in a thought every once in a while or screaming at us for hurting her boys.

@monsterunderthefedora is writing a fic based on this AU, go check it out and read it! It’s really awesome!

Bold is @totally-not-using-a-fake-name, Italics is @just-musicals, and Regular is me ( @nyancheetosmusical )

Attempted suicide and a fair amount of self-loathing occur, so here’s your warning if you need one

connor was out in the forest to do it himself

and he's trying to do it

and like there’s this kid there who's trying to talk to him it's like looking at a blurry photograph the kid is kinda there, kinda not ...probably just the traz doing its job "n-n, st-stoppp!" ....he recognized that voice just a little bit and Evan is watchiong this kid keep poppin pills in front of him and he doesn't know what comes over him but he just like pushes at Connor and all of a sudden Connor throws up all these half-dissolved pills and connor has no idea wth just happened but he's feelin woozy and now really frustrated cause he screwed up killing himself, too couldn't he do anything right? but Evan stays there and trys to comfort him as best he can he can't really touch him but Connor gets this kind of warm sensation like an electric blanket Evan is trying to wipe away his tears and connor in his half aware state freaks out this strange hand kind of passes through his face but it leaves behind a warm sensation and it gently pulls the tears with it "-w-ww-wha-what i-is...." Connor eventually passes out for a bit his body has to try and recover but he wakes up and this kid is still there he sits up very self-consciously "...what do you want" "a-are you okay, Connor? "'m fine. why do you care" he pulls his hood over his face he doesn't feel strong enough to stand up but he’s frustrated and embarrassed

this kid he doesn't know watched him try to kill himself ....who was this kid anyway? "J-just leave me alone, alright? I'm fine " Evan really does want to go, this makes him so nervous and you know he thought when he died he was going to be done with his troubles but he's dead and still anxious

(I had to leave for a bit but I had a thought that I got very excited about) EVAN IS ABLE TO TAKE CONTROL OVER SMOL PLANTS SO LIKE CONNOR IS HAVING A BAD DAY AND SITTINNG GRUMPY IN THE FOREST LIKE ANY STONER BOY DOES AND HE TOLD EVAN TO LEAVE HIM ALONE AND EVAN DOES BUT THEN ONE OF THE LITTLE VINES BY HIS FEET REACHES UP AND GENTLY BRUSHES HIS ANKLE AND ITS LIKE PETTING HIM "...dude stop" but he doesnt and the vine very carefully wraps around his ankle, like a little hug and then around connor the other vines very gently do the same just a ton of tiny hugs one literally hugs the drawstring on his hoodie and one reaches up and pats his face okay I'm gonna add this because why not so connor is sitting there really sad and evan is having a hard time trying to cheer him up, and connor just gets upset and tells him to "leave me alone" and evan just walks off and connor is sitting there and now that evan is gone...he realizes how much he wanted someone to stick around and be there for him for once and now he's just sitting in the forest with his knees pulled in because he keeps messing everything up then he hears some footsteps and he looks up and evan has this flower in his hands "I-I I don't know if you like these, but-" and connor just takes it and holds it in his hands He's quite. Evan thinks he made matters even worse and waits for the anger to come back But Connor just sadly smiles, "Thanks." Later he tucks it into his hair subconsciously And Evan is just standing there smiling for once And eventually They actually start talking The first time Connor cones to the woods and doesn't get high And thinks that Evan won't be there Because Evan can control plants and disappear and normal people can't do that So he thinks Evan's a hallucination from the drugs But there's Evan

Waiting for him And he's like... okay... Not the drugs then... Which makes him freak out freaks out that he freaked connor out Because this kid can do some weird stuff and if it's not the drugs, then is he just crazy? But once the initial freak out wears off, he and Evan vhat like normal and it's nice because Connor can actually hold a conversation when he's sober And this goes on for many many days, weeks And over that time, Evan's support has helped Connor improve But. One day Connor and Larry have a big fight. And Connor gets very high And goes into the forset Way deeper than he ever has before And he stops at this big tree And sees someone lying at the base of it And he sees the shirt and thinks, So he walks up And shakes the lump And he stops Because something is not right And he's really regretting the high because he can't tell what it is So he rolls Evan over and screams. Because what was wrong is that the figure was too stiff and too cold and the neck was too slack And the green eyes that he's leaned to associate with excited rambling about trees or tentative moments of affection are glazed and staring at nothing And there's moss and grass entangling the arms and the legs And the mouth is slack and gaping like the boy had been gasping for air when it... dies And Connor is screaming because the plants have grown over Evan and the bod is cold and stiff and must have been there for MONTHS He just screams and screams "EVAN!" "EVAN EVAN EVAN" And he's not thinking straight but he sure as heck knows something is up It won't stop raining or maybe he's crying Who knows The color of Evans dead eyes begins to spill out. Slowly it's like a pattern Dead, glazed over irises watch over Connor from everywhere Connor can't move The smell of a dead body is horrible But he can't find the strength to roll over WHY WONT IT STOP RAINING EVANS GETTING ALL WET HE MIGHT CATCH A COLD AND and ...die Oh Oh gosh Evans dead He's dead He's dead I wish i was dead Evan stop looking at me You can see too much of me Stop Stop You won't like what you see No one does There's been a dull pounding underlying this whole moment Maybe it's his heartbeat

Maybe his screams The forest floor is grabbing at him Like Evan was here But it's not Because I'm just high cause I can't stand myself sober Because I'm a broken trash bag I wonder if evan could see me Would he hate what he saw too The dull thudding gets stronger and stronger Its It's not thudding It's words Whose words Good maybe his dad found him Maybe his dad would finally give up on him If he could see him like this

... Yep Definitely his name being called It's so cold Like ice cubes He wished he could swallow an ice cube Choke on it See how long it took to melt Would he die first or would it melt "-NOR!! CO-" That That wasn't his dad's voice The eyes were back They were blurred, like an old photograph "CONNOR P-...PLEASE..." The crack in the voice shattered a canyon in the rock choking Connor he should chip his way out

that voice the rock was so thick how could he hear but he wanted to hear it had been a while since his name had been said and it meant good things dig dig dig oh hey he wasn't in a rock at all just in the mud trying to move trying to see who was there collapsed on Evan- Evan because Evan was- "Connor, please, I can't...." his throat felt like sandpaper he should probably stop screaming "C-connor, j-just relaxx a bit, okay? Please?" the voice was crying he wanted to listen maybe he should yeah it'd be easier than trying to move lets relax a bit connor let go he felt himself flop back onto the ground as if he was pulled the impact on his skull shook ...it was a pleasant distraction from the eyes floating around all fuzzy like a new pair of eyes joined them these had a face they were green like Evan's but so were the rest of the eyes The eyes weren't just Evan's the face was his too but this one looked more alive "Th-thank you...j-just lay there for a bit, okay? L-let it wear off" and a warm sensation spread through Connor it didn't feel normal like if a heated blanket gave you a hug that's what it would feel like if connor closed his eyes, the other eyes went away so he closed his eyes and let himself be he eventually comes to the high has mostly worn off he sits up and tears off a layer of grass and vines ....like a blanket that had been grown over him he's incredibly dizzy but eventually is able to see straight there's Evan sitting watching waiting "-E-evan....you're....you're..." evan has to look away ...somehow he had had the courage to stop Connor that day but couldn't stop himself good going Evan "yeah, I'm....yeah." "isss that why you can...you know, and we can't touch?" Evan shrinks into himself a bit Connor had been the one thing that had made being stuck here worth it otherwise he stayed in this forest and relived falling and falling and falling over and over and over and over “...yeah...I d-don't get it. I'm j-just here...and I can't-" he heard a yelp of pain he looks to see Connor have grabbed his own arm, only to feel the bruises there

oh no he had hoped he had discovered those at home... connor rolled back his sleeve bruises twisted down his arm strange spiraled patterns almost like... vines "I'msosorryIdidn'twanttodoitbutyouwerejustgoingtoandididntwantandthen-" connor looked up at Evan The boy looked afraid to come close but he could tell ghost kid wanted to "slow down, what happened?" ...could ghosts even cry? "You...you were..." Evan took a breath to steady himself "you started to...to scratch at yourself, at your arms, a-and then you started to scratch the tree, a-and you were hurting yourself and I couldn't..." "I didn't want you t-to do that" "s-so I tried to hold you back b-but um but you were re-real strong n stuff" "I didn't I didn't realize how h-hard I pulled...I'm sorry..." Evan had Evan had tried to stop him Connor thought of all the times he had been in his room alone hurting something clearly being wrong someone at the door asking if everything was fine a "yes" meaning no help me but the someone at the door couldn't be bothered to notice and so the hurt stayed but evan evan had tried to stop he had seen connor at his worst he had been insulted and hated and attacked by Connor over and over

and yet he had stayed stayed to help a stoned kid from ripping himself apart ....for someone very dead, it was the most human interaction Connor had in months he looked at the brusies running up and down his arms "....thank you." Evan stared in shock a a thank you? from Connor Murphy? hardly daring to hope, Evan got a bit closer he wanted to help, he wanted any human contact, anything Connor didn't say no when Evan got closer They sat together both broken thinking about their own deaths and wondering why had they not found each other sooner but they were there for each other now at least Connor eventually looked up at Evan "...Why do you just stay here?" Evan looked away "...where would I go?" "I...I dont want to watch my mother try and cope." "I don't have any friends" "I don't want to think about who I was" "If I just stay here, all I can really think about is dying...at least it's better than thinking about me...." ....connor determined that ghosts could indeed cry "what if you came home with me?" wait why did he say that evan looked over ["Wh-what? Y-you mean, like-" Connor looked away, slightly embarrased but also hurt why did showing kindness feel so strange? was he really that...bad? "You just seem kinda lonely out here. You're also kinda...dead, how many people can see you?" "....only one person." Connor looked over in surprise "really? who?" Evan looked back, confused "...you." oh duh "whu....anyway, your're probably lonely or something, i don't know, so....if you want, my house isn't great, but maybe it's better than the forest...?" Evan looked excited for a moment, but then looked away "I don't actually know if I can leave...I tried before, when I first...woke up, I guess, and I couldn't leave. I've been stuck here." Evan wanted to leave the forest he really did he was tired of looking at his body rot day by day watching his mistake be buried under forest growth but could he? He knew Connor had a rough home but anywhere would be better than here please, just let him leave... "come on, we can try anyway, can't we? A-at least walk me out of here, I don't really know where I am." Well, Evan could do that they didn't talk much as Evan lead him through the woods they talked a bit about their favorite bands quoted some songs Evan told some jokes he remembered they were all dumb and stupid but Connor found them so dumb they were funny they take in the view there's only trees forever and ever they focus on each other they begin to dream imagining the future what would they do? (...if they had one…) Bike the Appalachian trail? Write a book? Learn to sail? heh, that’d be cool they've slowed their walking Evan knows they're close to edge of the woods and so does connor but Connor just stops and he takes a breath letting the world around him go still and he opens his eyes and looks at Evan"just...thank you. Things have been so....you know, and honestly....right now, there's nowhere else I'd rather be" Evan feels his stomach drop "m-me too." "w-well, I mean I-I wish I w-was still alive and and you know um but I um-" he stops as Connor laughs a little "what?" "This whole situation....it's just so....so strange" "I'm trying to bring my only friend home so he doesn't have to live in this creepy a forest 24/7 cause he's a ghost and also does cool things with plants" Evan gasps a little " you think plants are cool? " Connor laughs again he forgot how good it feels to laugh "yeah, sure. Come on, I don't really want to go home, but I'm hungry." hey walk the rest of the way to the edge of the forest in silence they arrive He looks over at Evan "wanna see if you can, you know...." "y-you first, okay?" Connor shrugs and steps out of the forest he turns around "alright, come on, I think there's a bit of milk left and I am craving some milk right now" Evan is nervous well when is he not but he's extra nervous because he had let himself hope and now his hopes could easily be crushed he steps forward ...and doesn't go anywhere he tries again nothing he is still stuck in this forest this god damned stupid forest this was purgatory and it was full of the thing Evan thought he'd loved the most and now he was surrounded by his poor choices forever he looked up he could barely see the sky through the tree cover branches and leaves for forever he was trapped no hope no future just a dead kid in a forest Wonderful

Just

wonderful he probably deserved it to the world is meant for people who are smart and social and intelligent and kind not losers like Evan Hansen He looked out at Connor so close but so far and shook his head "I....I can't" Connor felt something inside him break a little Evan looked so hurt "what-no. That's bullshit" "I don't care what the laws of the universe are or whatever" "You're not staying in there, you're coming with me" Evan shook his head "I can't Connor, I c-can't! I'm trying but I but but I can't!...J-just go home, okay? I will, I'll be here when you when you come back" Connor took a step towards Evan "Yeah, well, I don't want that, and you don't want that either-" "WHO CARES WHAT I WANT? NO ONE ELSE DID!" Evan quickly shut his mouth Connor didn't need to hear that and right when he was so close to a breakdown too.... Evan needed to let him leave "Just go, please, you need you need to g-go home, a-and rest." Connor took another step "I'm not coming if you're not" Evan looked helplessly at him "I I can't-" "I don't care that you can't! You're gonna come with me!" "Why why do you care so much about a dead kiddd in a in a forest, Connor? I c-can't do anything for for you!" "YES YOU CAN!" Connor knew he was yelling but didn't stop "YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GIVES A DAMN AND I’M SO TIRED OF WAKING UP AND WISHING I HADN’T AND YOU MAKE THAT FEELING GO AWAY, I’M TIRED OF BEING SO UNHAPPY, SO P-...please, j-...just....I want you to-to help me...." He turned away to hide his tears he hated crying in front of people Evan was quicker he stepped forward and tried to wipe the tears from Connor's face like the first time they met when Connor had tried to overdose his hand passed through Evan's face leaving behind a warm feeling and the tears were gently pulled away with his hand they stared at each other Connor looked down "...Evan"

"Connor, please go, I can't help you-" "EVAN!" Evan flinched he was not a fan of yelling but connor wasn't angry he was excitedly pointing at Evan's feet "Look!" evan looked down they were standing in the street behind them was the forest he began to laugh, relieved he he was out he looked up there was the sky it stretched on for forever beautiful open speckled with stars as the sun began to set it felt as if a haze had been lifted from his mind n his mind he no longer heard himself screaming over and over he no longer felt the dropping feeling in his stomach of falling the wind racing past the impact on the ground he had learned to tune it out, but the feeling of dying over and over... it was finally gone he felt so much...free-er he looked at connor and connor connor murphy he HE WAS SMILING??? SINCE WHEN DID CONNOR SMILE??? He noticed Evan watching him with wonder and tried to look away and wipe the smile off his face it was still there a bit Connor had seen a change take place in Evan as he stood before him He became more...ghostly more transparent, a bit blurred, but still there but at the same time he was clearer it was as if the Evan he had been looking at in the forest had been behind a layer of static and now he was fully there it was weird but good "were um, were you gonna go home and and get some milk?" Dang, he couldn't keep the smile off his face "yeah. Let's go do that" and off walked Connor, his friend only a step behind home might be rough

but at least he had someone with him

Walking into the house hit something inside Evan It was Connor's house, not his own, but the concept of walking through a door seemed so foreign at this point There were no doors in the forest The house was lit, but quiet. There was some sort of muffled music coming from upstairs and talking coming from somewhere, but it was hard to place where. Connor slunk through the house, his boots trekking mud on the carpet, but he didn't really care. He was too busy watching Evan Evan who was looking at the floor under his feet and the ceiling above his head with a mixture of fear and awe. "Hey, Evan?" The ghost turned, there was a shiny glaze on Evan's eyes. "You okay?" "I just- I didn't- I never thought I'd get to walk into a house again... I thought I'd- I thought I was gonna be trapped there forever and I just...."

Connor smiled sadly. "C'mon.nLet's go get that milk." Connor padded into the kitchen, Evan following with gleaming eyes and a big smile on his face. Connor honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd been so glad to be home. He pulled the milk out of the fridge and glanced at the cupboard where they kept the cups before shooting Evan a mischievous look. Evan gave a shocked laugh as Connor started drinking straight from the carton.

Suddenly, there were footsteps. A door opening. "Where have you been young man?" Damnit. Good feelings gone.

Connor turned around to face his father "Why do you care?" His father bristled Are you going t-" He stopped at a hand on his shoulder His wife had come down too "Connor, honey, what your father means is where have you been? We've been worried about you" Connor snorted Yeah right Worried about him It's not like they ever even took their eyes off Zoe they probably didn't notice he was gone He went to say as much when he saw Evan step out into his field of vision He looked almost scared ...scared of who? Connor? ...he was getting angry for no reason again He took a breath "I just...I needed some time to think, okay?" "Pft, more like you needed some time to smoke-" "Larry! Not now!" His father grunted and looked away before turning around and marching back up the stairs Connor watched him go Good riddance To his surprise, his mom came close and gave him a tentative hug "Sweetie, we were...a little worried about you, you were gone a lot longer than we thought" "...yeah. Uh...." Evan leaned in close to Connor awkwardly standing in his mothers hug "M-maybe say you're sorry?" Connor looked over, surprised sorry for what? But the way evan nodded at him just made Connor slip out a small "sorry", just loud enough for his mother to hear He felt her shock at the word But then hugged him tighter ...how long had it been since he had said sorry? She pulled back and Connor saw her eyes a little wet "You're here now, okay?" "Yeah, I guess..." She took one more look at her son before heading back up the stairs

Connor stood in shock The combination of the easy resolution with his father and intimate moment with his mother had him in frozen He saw Evan creep in from the edges of his vision. "You- That was a good thing to do." “Hey, it was your idea” "But you didn't have to do it. It was nice of you, She seemed happy." "I guess." Connor and Evan stared at one another for a while, just watching the other and taking in the events of the day. It had been a busy one. Their gaze was broken by the grandfather clock in the living room going off, One chime It was one in the morning No wonder his parents were mad. He crept up the stairs to his room. Zoe's room was across the hall. Music was seeping out from under the door, but he could hear the muffled snuffling of Zoe snoring too, so she must have fallen asleep with it on. Connor's mouth twitched. Whether it was to smile of frown, he didn't know. He slipped into his bedroom and van followed him in. Connor threw off his boots, but opted to stay in his clothes. He was too tired to bother with changing. Sleep pulled on his eyelids, but he forced them open. Evan. What would happen to Evan if he fell asleep? He watched the ghost staring at his bookshelf, examining the titles there. After a while, Evan seemed to notice that Connor wasn't sleeping "Connor! It's late! Err... early. Go to sleep." "But... What about you?"

Evan seemed surprised. "Me? I'll be... I'll be fine. I spent all that time alone in the forest, I'll last a night." "No.. I mean, if I was the reason you could leave... If I fall asleep, will you be forced back? Will you still be here when I wake up?"

Evan blinked for a moment and suddenly was flooded with worry what what if he did end up back in the forest? Back to his body? Where he always seem to 'wake up'? Connor seemed to be the reason he got out of the forest could he make him go back? he tried to hide his anxiety "o-oh, um , well...I, I don't know, b-but I'll be fine! Y-you need to sleep, please" Connor shook his head "but what if you-" Evan shrugged "what if I do? You-you'll come and get me." "...RIGHT?" Connor chuckled "of course I will. We'll figure this out, okay?" Evan put on a brave smile he was honestly terrified if he could make connor stay up for as long as possible that would be great but he cared too much about connor connor needed sleep Evan knew that anyway, Connor is the one who's still alive here His needs take priority over any of Evans "Sleep, alright? W-we'll see what happens."

Connor nodded, but tried to stay awake anyway.

There was a tight bind in his stomach that made him want to squirm If he fell asleep and Evan went back to that forest... If he fell asleep and Evan... Evan... The next thing he knew, his eyes were snapping open as Zoe pounded on his door. "-nnor? Connor! Oi! If you aren't up soon I'm leaving without you! Connor jumped up and looked around Sunlight was streaming in under his window. He was in his room And Evan? Evan was gone. Evan was gone Zoe was banging on the door and Evan was gone Evan was gone, gone, gone.... Banging "Connor-" "SHUT UP!" Silence. "Evan?" Connor whispered as he looked around. He frowned as he saw what looked like a bundle of static in the corner of his room. He went over and saw the outline of a person curled up in the static. "Evan? Evan is that-" "Co- Connor? I can't see... I can't- where are- Connor?"

Connor knelt down he tried to grab the blur but nothing happened his hands went right through and smacked the wall "E-Evan?!" crap crap crap can't lose him what is- the static was slowly disappearing but so was evan "wh-where are you-" “Connor wh-what's what's what's- like a broken record, Evan called for help over and over again nothing Connor could do and then the world twisted and connor stood up in a tree beside... "Evan?" but evan seemed to ignore him he took a deep breath, looked over the edge of the branch, and- "EVAN-!" And then Connor was falling, falling, falling, and he tried to scream but he had no voice, and Evan was falling with him and they were both going to crash and die and- With a start, Connor ripped back and gasped for air he was on the ground in his room what had- Evan where where was Evan with a near audible pop, Evan appeared in front of him he looked dazed and scared but almost...bored? "...you had to feel it too, didn't you?"

(there’s a fair amount more, and we’re still writing stuff for it. But here’s some of it for now)

[plinys]

did you see agentverbivore 's meta on why fraida is sexual assault? can you comment on it?

so like, i wasn’t going to answer this. i was off enjoying my life, i saw cars 3 which is great i cant believe doc hudson is gay and lightening mcqueen is secretly fitz and if y’all think im not gonna write a cars fraida au you’re wrong

and i come home to this

lovely anon

i was really just going to be like ??? this isnt worth my time and just go write fraida fic and dont worry guys if youre here for baby au or beach house verse or kinky framework smut well i got you covered later today

but before that, we need to talk

this is long, and doesnt cover most the important bits

first off, apologies to my one (1) mutual that is a huge holden radcliffe fan, you should probably look away for part of this meta. because im gonna put some of the blame on him

a few points from that awful meta i skimmed that was again not valid because it was written by a fs stan and these people by default cannot stand any other character looking at fs (like my girl oph may be evil, but like will daniels was not !? but man were the fs stans ready to call him abusive and sexual assualt back then so, again as proof opinions of those extra gross fs stans are not valid)

now if you are a mildly reasonable fs fan or just a normal person that ships other things, please do not let the crazies convince you of some total bullshit 

hee’s some ground facts

my girl aida, now know as ophelia, is one of the main villains of the season. she’s evil af in the later half. im not here to deny that. she’s one of the seasons villains

you know who else are tho - holden radcliffe and leopold fitz

back in 4.01 my girl was created to be a digital assistant, programmed not to lie and not to kill and generally just like a good™ person. now that got fucked up and whose fault is that

well lets have some more facts:

holden gave her the programming that it was okay to kill if it was to fill an objective he set (this allowed her to kill him later and honestly that was his bad)

fitz taught her how to lie, and holden assured her that it was okay to do so

as mack, the only person with a logical fear of robots would tell us, this is a bad idea

and then we get the darkhold

man who, from the other side, convinced aida to read the book? 

who then later enabled her to keep reading and gain all the knowledge and use it to help him create the framework and expand it and make it better

but oh man thats another good point who designed the framework? 

holden radcliffe and leopold fitz

holden specifically was the one that wanted it to grow, that encouraged her to push the simulation, that had the plan to put may into it and give her a whole different life to keep her contained

holden was also the one to have them kidnap and replace the rest of the team

wait you mean? aida was just following orders? the whole time? oh yes, thats right guys. she was

until of course

the framework

now here’s where it gets messy because

the framework 

in the framework, the darkhold has no hold on you anymore

which means, holden gets to experience regret and becomes not the villain anymore go him 

though as mentioned before this, holden’s instructions were to fix regret so people would stay in the framework and not question the narrative or want to leave

which leaves us with

coulson not a shield agent

may saving the girl (both of which ive mentioned in previous metas is why hydra rose with no one to assemble the avengers and a fear of inhumans in the public it was easy)

fitz being raised with his father (who i personally hc as hydra in the real world too but thats just me)

mace being an inhuman

and mack having his daughter

now despite what poor sad jemma simmons, and the fs stan mouth piece that daisy got to be for a brief moment (i miss a well written daisy wow) will tell you,

not having a girl in your life does not suddenly make you a super villain

maybe its idk

the hydra father you were raised with 

in a demonstrated emotionally abusive house that says not to show emotions and weakness (much like john garrett did to grant ward)

a world in which there was a fear of inhumans and a push for hydra to rise

a natural inclination for ambition

now, idk if its just me but

aida didnt make fitz evil

she followed holden orders to fix his regret, 

if anything holden made him evil but really this anger and darkness has been inside of fitz all along and if you dont believe me rewatch season 2/3. watch that scene with ward when he cuts off the air, watch him with the gun and yelling at the space rock, watch him angrily pushing things onto the ground when frustrated

this kid has been two shakes from being a villain since season two

 now to the fraida bit

if you believe ophelia on the beach scene which i do, she’s human now, able to feel things, there’s no way this girl so new to emotions that she has a panic attack thinking about people being hurt, so new that she loses herself to heart break in what is honestly just bad writing but canon so i can use it as a point here

would lie without there being an obvious tell

she’s not lying. 

she wanted to feel loved and human

so she took jemma’s place at the academy

now when did fitzsimmons first hook up? when did they first kiss? how long did that take? 

aida, then calling herself ophelia, wanted to be jemma simmons and like i get that. you, the fs stans, should get that. i mean isnt that why you all write self insert fanfic while slapping the name jemma on the character and pretending its the same one we see in canon?

aidas just like you

maybe a little misguided, playing a fucked up sims game of the real world

in a sense they created an alternate universe

an earth 2

and now you’re here telling me a robot, who cannot canonically feel anything more than pain, was the one to initiate sex? no, that boy def initiated it. 

the horrible example of the meta involves someone being roofed and forced into sex, but thats not what happened. she wouldnt have been the one to touch him first, wouldn’t have been the one to initiate anything because she wanted to experience love and humanity and none of that is part of it

now iain confirmed the friada sex happened, canon later told us that it happened in 4.21 and again reminded us that she could feel nothing, which important take away here

now if you say

there’s consent issues, probably dub-con ill agree

but the framework version of him, this alternate universe man very much wanted every part of that

and honestly could you blame him?

so now i am going to sit here and write my fic set in the framework verse as if it was a full earth 2 and enjoy living it up in my alternate universe sin verse

im going to write my lets ignore everything after she saves mack fix it fics because i can do whatever i want

its fandom

and theres like 4 of us shipping fraida

block the tag if you dont want to see it 

dont come up in my inbox anymore and ask my opinions or for m to justify my ship ever again, im just going to start replying with the parks & rec gif of ron with her permit to do what he wants

ye be warned

[owlways-and-forever]

a fic that i’ll definitely maybe (probably never) write one day because i love minerva mcgonagall so much

after hogwarts she goes home to find the war raging and england preparing to enter into it

all the young men are enlisting and she can’t bear it, feels useless

she joins as an army nurse, even though her parents are completely against it (Isobel is opposed to her involvement in muggle matters, Robert is simply terrified of losing his darling girl)

while abroad she met a muggle man (monroe) whose wounds seemed life threatening, but he was conscious, and while he spoke to her, she felt unable to let him die, and she used magic to heal him when no one was looking

he fell in love with her too, and made little excuses to come see her

she tells him what she is, and he’s beautifully accepting of it, loves her for it, says he wondered if he’d imagined that she’d been the one who saved him, thought it must have been a dream

after the war they married, and minerva soon found herself expecting a child

she isn’t sure about it, was never sure if she wanted children, didn’t know if she could be a good mother, but she does love the baby already, and she does want it, never really thinks about giving it up for a second

the baby’s born and its messy and complicated and he’s sick

they name him Iain, and she thinks she’s absolutely perfect, beautiful

but he only lives a week, and then he’s gone, and it wrecks her, wrecks them both, but minerva, she can’t even look at monroe anymore and they try to make it work, but a year later, minerva knows its never going to be the same

dumbledore offers her a job, and minerva takes it, when she tells monroe his heart breaks again

“isn’t this easier?” she says to him, and he doesn’t want to admit it, but it is

she goes to hogwarts and he stays and at first it hurts her because she’s teaching these children when she could have been raising her own little boy, but none of them look like him so its fine, eventually it gets easier

she doesn’t go home to monroe, doesnt see him, doesn’t answer his kind letters asking if there is anything she needs, if she’s happy there

its five years before she sees him, when her father grows ill and she goes back to her hometown to visit him, only to find monroe in the house

she’s surprised to see him, and it registers on her face, but he’s his father too, he reminds her, and she bristles a bit at this, but a few hours in monroe’s company softens her

they become more friendly, and when minerva goes back to hogwarts, they keep regular correspondence, and she even goes back to see him during the occasional holiday break

a year or two later, monroe asks if they can try again, to be them, to be together, but minerva denies him, she just cannot bring herself to give her heart again

when she leaves, she says that perhaps it is best to cut things off completely, and this breaks monroe’s heart once more

it is the final blow to him, and he simply gives up, he eats less, barely enough to sustain him, and that winter he succumbs to pneumonia

the loss is felt deeply by minerva, her last connection to her son, and it hardens her a bit, but she still has her students and that’s something

until the year that Iain would’ve been eleven, would’ve been a student there, and as the names of the first years are called for sorting, she has difficulty holding back tears when his is not among them

that’s the year she really has to harden herself, stop being a mother figure to these children and start being the tough one, because the absence of her son is a constant knife in her, a constant reminder that these children cannot change that she is no longer a mother, that she will never be a mother again

but every now and again there’s a child who needs her, and she softens just a bit for him

sirius is one of those boys. not james, though yes, she’s fond of him, but sirius. she can see from the moment he enters the entrance hall that he has been starved of a mothers love, and her heart aches for him, and then he’s put in gryffindor and she’s determined to make sure this boy is happy and well cared for

she tries not to favor him, but she does in her own way, she lets him get away with things, when he’s older she gives him tea and biscuits, and she tries to care for him the way she knows his own mother doesn’t

he confides in her, sometimes, tells her about home, and the things he tells her… he didn’t have to tell her, she guessed, but when he does… she begs dumbledore to intercede, but he insists that he can’t, there’s no legal way for him to get involved

she wants to offer for him to stay with her, but of course that’s inappropriate, and besides, she never really kept a residence outside of hogwarts, what use did she have for one

so when he’s sixteen, she tells him to leave, get away from them, go to someone he can trust, go to the potters

she wonders if he listens, until one day she gets a letter that just says “thank you” in his pristine handwriting, and she breathes a sigh of relief

she wants to beg him not to join the order when he graduates, the way a mother would, because she knows what happens to young men who go to war, but she knows he would never listen, knows that this sweet young man could never stand by and let something like this happen, so instead she begs him to be careful, makes him promise that he will survive it, swear it to her

“yes mum” he says with a roll of his eyes, but he hugs her anyway, and in a more sincere voice he whispers “i promise”

and he does survive, but this is not what she meant, not how she wanted him to live, and she knows in her heart that this is not the whole truth, but she doesn’t know what is and they won’t let her visit him in azkaban - his crimes are deemed to heinous for visitors

before she knows it, harry arrives at hogwarts, and suddenly it is like she has another son

everyone says he looks exactly like james, but all she sees when she looks at him is sirius - unsure, unloved, probably abused

he may look like his father, but his personality is so like his godfather. the same self-doubt that he tries to hide, the same flouting of the rules because the rules have never made sense to him anyway. the same way he grabs at food like he’s not sure if it’ll disappear and he’s not sure if he’s even allowed to have it. the same wild love, tossed at anyone who might have him.

sirius dies and minerva feels her heart ripped apart again, why had she not been there, she should have protected him better, should have been there for her boy, why did she have to bury so many?

and then dumbledore has him working towards the war effort too and she understands why he does it but by god, is every boy determined to die a soldier?

she tries to make him promise the same thing, when he visits her in the hospital, because she knows when he shows up there that he’s saying goodbye, that he doesn’t think he’ll survive what he’s going to do next

“you know i can’t do that,” he says, but she is a stubborn women, and will not give up that easily. “you must, potter” “i promise i will try”

“please don’t let me lose another son,” she whispers as he leaves, a little prayer to a god she long ago stopped believing in. she doesn’t think he hears her, but he does, and he has to stop in the stairwell to try to quell the tears.

hagrid carries the body out of the forest, and minerva thinks that will kill her, that will be the final blow, but somehow she still stands, fury mounting, and then he is gone, and her heart leaps, maybe its not too late

he survives, techinically. defeats voldemort. but she wonders how much it costs him, costs her boy. he’s still just a boy.

his kids call her grandma mcgonagall, a title she never thought she’d have

when she dies, all her boys are there, except harry, and for once she’s glad he’s not with her, but she just can’t seem to stop hugging the rest

[othercat2]

fic: two for mirth 36/?

[terminusgladiates.bubblr-fatima.com/chrono]

anonymous asks terminusgladiates: All you are is a creepy brainwashed freak. There are people still recovering from horrific abuse at the hands of Trolls and here you are talking about how slavery isn’t that bad.

nope

pretty sure i never said that looking through all my posts so far and i am pretty sure i never said that

what i did say was that i was pretty lucky after a pretty bad time

more lucky than i think i deserve sometimes when someone else had it worse

(doctor lalonde is at my shoulder right now saying how it’s not a competition about how worse someone else had it)

and if you are saying im brainwashed dont that mean i too am recovering from horrific abuse

because brainwashing = horrific abuse

do you have an ideal template of how an abuse victim is supposed to act that i could follow

im serious here how can i behave in a way you want me too brosis so ill meet your standards

[translator: John Egbert]

calamitycats asks terminusgladiates: Bearing in mind you might not be able to answer. Does anyone decide what you’re going to say?

eh yes and no i pretty much started posting/uploading on my own

wanted to get the ball rolling early before the tabloids did about the capital r relationship

i may have gotten in a tiny amount of trouble with the ambassador

the emissary didnt care though and the actual team handling the press didnt have a problem with it

the emissary reads over my shoulder sometimes and critiques my writing

doctor lalonde occasionally suggests better language

and theres egbert who mostly translates

the only post so far that was nixed was a poll for the other half of the emissarys title

i am not allowed to crowdsource sobriquets

srsly though Loudyell would be the best name

[translator: John Egbert]

Edit to add:

[Note from Emissary: NO IT WOULDN’T STOP TRYING TO MAKE LOUDYELL HAPPEN]

golgothasterror asks: You’re spot on chum! No one person processes what happened to them in the same way. Your anonymous unfriend had no right to speak to you so!

understood gt

anonymous hate is pretty puzzling to me though

its not like id challenge them to a duel

it would make the emissary sad

(it would possibly also make him sad if i talked about how damn cowardly it is so i won’t talk about how damn cowardly it is)

also i think dueling is illegal

challenge them to a bar fight maybe

nothing to see hear officers just a random bar fight

nothing prearranged or anything

[translator: John Egbert]

golgothasterror replies: Ha! I wouldn’t mind a *friendly* bout with you! There was always a bit of rough and tumble with some bets on the side when I was a sprog on AGRI-Station 612413!

i would totally take you up on that bro ive mostly been sparring with master whose no slouch but its been a while since i fought someone taller than me or fought fistkind.  

[translator: John Egbert]

terminusgladiates posted:

[Image: Author Karkat Vantas looking up at the camera and glaring blearily over his breakfast bowl. His hair is a rumpled mess and he’s wearing a fuzzy gray bath robe. ]

caption: before

[Image: Author Karkat Vantas, glaring at the camera while wearing a suit and tie. His hair has not noticeably changed from the previous picture.]

caption: after

heres master off to get his daily scheduled lecturing in as you can see no comb has ever defiled his hair

its a tragic situation here

im accepting donations for the buy my master a comb fund

Edit to add:

[Note from Emissary: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT MY HAIR DAVE COMPLAINING ABOUT MY HAIR IS NEVER FUNNY.]

ill stop complaining when you actually comb your hair master

[translator: John Egbert]

anonymous asks terminusgladiates: What do you like about dancing? Do you think you might make it a career?

mostly its fun and good exercise i always liked tumbling which was something i got lessons in because being fast and flexible were kind of a requirement when it became pretty clear i wasn’t going to suddenly shoot up a half meter or anything

it became a more invested interest after i started talking with professional quadrant facilitators a few of whom became interested in me and started critiquing my first few dance vids if im doing something i like to be really, really good at it so i started practicing more and adding it to my usual exercise routine or just to get the extra energy out

(maybe a little because im an exhibitionist and masters martyred pining thing was funny)

i dont think it will be a career career i had too late of a start its just going to be one more thing i have up on my trolltube account

[translator: John Egbert]

anonymous asks terminusgladiates: how many trolls have you killed? Do you like killing trolls? Have you ever killed another human?

its not like i have notches on my belt or something citizen

maybe something like a fifty probably more than that

not all fights are to the death unless youre talking execution duels

whether or not you like killing trolls is not exactly something you talk about lest you attract the wrong kind of fan such is the gladiatorial wisdoms that were passed down to me by a veteran gladiator owned by master paysun terhun

yes and that’s pretty much all im gonna say about it except that he was a pirate and im more than happy to kill pirates troll human or denbakian

[translator: John Egbert]

tinymonstergirl asks terminusgladiates: I saw you on Josh Miller last night. You and the Emissary were really funny! (Somehow I didn’t expect that to be a thing?) I was just wondering you were both referring to being owned by the Emissary as a relationship. Do you really think of it that way?

relationship doesnt have to mean a romantic relationship i mean you can call the interactions between a parent and their kid a relationship and you can call interactions between you and your employer a relationship therefore you can call being a concubine to a guy who never wanted one a relationship

and he really really didnt want one in his own words he decided to treat me like a combination of a guest and someones lusus he was taking care of a real hands off approach while trying to be as accommodating and entertaining as possible

it did not go so well my friend it did not go so well at all

later on he realizes he wants to be friends with me and he couldnt let himself do that and later on after that he decides he wants to court my fine self

not an easy thing to do considering he didnt want me to be a concubine since i sure didnt want to be a concubine

(not of course that I have any disrespect for sex workers i am in awe of their mad skills holy shit the things i learned in training and while talking with courtesans at various parties temeri i salute you in all your concupiscences where ever you are i mean hot damn)

and neither of us knew master makara had multiple reasons for setting us up the way he did

so things were strained for a while

but i like talking to him and hes cute and he stays up with me when im having a bad time and hes i have no way to put this that isnt embarrassing as fuck

just bear with me because its embarrassing

nope still got to wait for it

okay fuck

hes kind

just genuinely stupidly concerned about making sure everything is okay and giving me as much space as i need and sweet in really unexpected ways

[translator: John Egbert]

==>

<==