#and be absolutely shocked and betrayed by watching the part they fully totally change

[ablog]

I love pov!! I love povs so much!!! I love to see stories of why and how the "bad guy" got to where they are! Bonus points if from their pov they are the good guy!

I would LOVE to see a show/movie that starts with us following the regular hero backstory and see the character grows and becomes a better person and all of that, and later have corruption arc, but not from some evil dude doing something to them, but from the inside and all that occurred to them, the bigging of a hero and a villain are often similar with little differences from their lifes and the environment around them it's so fucking interesting and i would LOVE to have it as the show's "twist"

[ev-pierce-writes]

Doll

Pairing: Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier) x F!Reader

Words: 7.7K

Rating: Very much 18+

Warnings: P in V, oral (fem receiving), light (consensual) choking, praise, James Buchanan Barnes is a sad boy and only you can make him happy, mutual therapy over past trauma, a couple light spanks, and some sexy sparring

Note: Reader had a run-in with Hydra that gave you invisibility powers. Bucky is tasked with training you. Totally not canon, I just kept the parts I liked. Got the idea from a tiktok but I can't find it anymore oops. I'm thinking of turning it into a series of all the places you can fuck Bucky Barnes at Avengers HQ. Enjoyyyyyy....

---

"Alright, so I'm thinking absolutely the first thing you need is a suit. Because we can't have you sneaking around in clothes that give you away."

Tony Stark and Peter Parker stand before you at Avengers HQ, furiously tossing ideas back and forth, trying to come up with ways to build you the best possible suit. Last night had been...interesting, to say the least.

"Who's that?" Stark had said when you appeared all of a sudden from your room. "Come on Agent Hill, don't tell me you're taking in lost kids nowadays."

Your mother had only laughed, slightly inebriated and feeling loose because of all the drinking that was going on in your penthouse apartment. She was hosting one of those parties where too many superpowers drank too much alcohol and got a little too rowdy. "That's my daughter."

Usually, you stay away from such events, go out with friends, and avoid the house until it's all over. For the past four years, you hadn't even been in the house to need to avoid it. But now you're 22 and a recent college graduate and something about the party was drawing you in so you had emerged from your hideaway to join in the fun.

"Alright, Maria, how'd you manage to keep that one a secret?" Romanov spoke up.

Until this point, you'd remained silent, in shock at the sudden attention a group of superheroes had focused onto you. But you couldn't help yourself from responding now. You'd managed to hide away long enough. It was time to come into the open.

"I'm a ghost," you said jokingly, approaching the couch and stealing the drink your mother had been drinking to take a sip. It was strong and burned on the way down. The group laughed at your words, unaware of how true they really were.

It was then that you'd performed your little trick, the one that only a few of your closest friends had ever seen. You became invisible.

The laughter had immediately stopped. The girl who suddenly appeared out of thin air had disappeared right back into it. They could still tell where you were of course. The glass in your hand remained visible, floating in mid-air, giving away your position. And your clothes were still perceptible, not being able to change with you. But your features were otherwise undetectable, not even a shimmer revealing your face. You took another sip of the drink, liquid disappearing into an invisible mouth.

"I want her. On the team," Stark had said.

And that was it. The start of your superhero career.

"Explain again exactly how this works?" Parker asks.

You sigh and start from the beginning, again. "I can distort the absorption wavelengths of my cells so that the reflected light is in the invisible range, usually infrared."

"And how long can you hold it for?"

"About seven minutes now," you explain. "It's sort of like holding your breath. You can go underwater for a while, and you can practice holding your breath longer and longer, but eventually, you need to come up for air. Eventually, I have to 'recharge.' But I've been working on extending it."

Stark turns to one of the many holograms of his supercomputer, working with Friday to design a brand new suit to accommodate your skills. You're so engrossed in watching his process you don't even notice the shadowy figure appear in the doorway that leads to the training facilities.

"How'd you get these powers? Agent Hill isn't lacking in skill but it certainly isn't supernatural."

You knew Stark's question would come up eventually. It always did. Over time, it became easier to tell the story, but now you really don't feel like explaining fully, so you tell the short version.

"Hydra. When I was seventeen. They used me as a bargaining chip against my mom in a mission gone wrong and decided to experiment on me in the process. Left me with a lot of scars and a lot of therapy. Almost dropped out of school."

You don't remember much from the experience. But enough for it to leave lasting damage.

"Hydra?" a familiar voice asks behind you. Only now do you notice that Barnes is behind you. How long has he been watching?

You remain silent, just like you did the night before when he'd arrived late to the party, unable to speak under his gaze.

You had planned to leave not long after you joined the festivities. But when the elevator doors opened, a pair of blue eyes halted you in your path. James Buchanan Barnes, the Winter Soldier. You'd recognize those eyes anywhere. Crystal clear and icy, freezing you under their gaze. He wore a leather jacket and leather gloves, concealing his metal arm, but you knew it was there, hiding behind the layers.

Barnes had always been the one that caught your eye during your mother's briefings. His transition from the greatest warrior Hydra had to offer, and thus S.H.I.E.L.D.'s greatest enemy, to the trusted companion of Captain America and official Avengers member intrigued you. At first, he had been more of a schoolgirl crush, the little girl grappling with her new powers seeking guidance in someone who didn't even know she existed. But age had not reduced your admiration of him. Barnes' face was hard set in serious determination and his glance barely grazed over you before turning to the rest of the group. He paid you not a single ounce of attention, yet you felt dumbstruck in his presence.

But Bucky had noticed you that night. Noticed you in a way he wanted desperately to hide, so he disallowed his eyes from lingering on you. Who were you and why were you wearing pajamas at a party and how did you make them actually look good?

And not only did he notice you, but he recognized you. He wasn't sure how, but something at the back of his head buried beneath decades of blurred half-memories told him he knew you. It was a stupid thought, though. How could he know you?

From the doorway, his eyes narrow in concern, making you feel smaller than ever beneath him. How is that 5 o'clock shadow so enticing? You just want to run your fingers across--

Stark gestures at Barnes, completely ignoring his comment. "Good, you're here. Our young Agent Hill needs to get started with her training immediately. I want her in the field but she can't be going in inexperienced. Teach her the works."

It's rather bold of Stark to assume you have no combat skills. And to assume you even want to go into the field. But you follow behind Barnes in silence anyway toward the training facilities. It doesn't matter what you know and don't know. He's going to kick your ass anyway.

"Feet wider," he says, coaching you on your swing. His blue eyes have somehow darkened, and along with the faint beard, he looks positively dangerous. "Not too wide."

"I know how to punch, Barnes," you whisper under your breath. He's not meant to hear your words, but he does anyway.

"Oh yeah? Punch me then. Go for it." His voice is challenging in the way that reveals he knows he could block any swing that comes at him. But he wants to see what will happen. Your mention of Hydra loosened a memory in his brain somewhere, and though he can't quite place his finger on it, the memory told him you're anything but the kid he's treating you like. He wants to know what you really have inside you.

Your annoyance gets the best of you. You aim for his face, the way your mother taught you. And she taught you well, teaching you all the self-defense skills you might need moving through the world as a woman. But she did not teach you how to fight super soldiers. That's an entirely different world.

Unsurprisingly, Barnes predicts your move and his metal arm comes up to meet your human one, halting your punch mid-swing. His palm fully engulfs your fist, your knuckles slamming into the metal with a ringing sound.

"Fuck, that hurt," you seethe through your teeth, gripping your hand in pain. And yet, you still smile. You mean for your words to sound irritated, but they betray how much you enjoy getting a swing in. "Didn't have to do me like that, Barnes."

He ignores your pain, though secretly it pleases him to find how much force is truly behind your punch. Nothing, of course, his metal arm can't take, but strong enough. "Language, kid. Go again. And this time, try not to be so obvious."

Despite his advice, it's impossible. He predicts every one of your strikes and counters them with four times as much strength as you possess. You give him everything you have, and nothing lands.

"This would be a lot easier if you let me use my powers."

So far, Barnes has refused to let you fight invisible, not that it would have done you much good without a proper suit. But you're tired and sweaty, your hair falling from its ponytail and sticking to your face, your muscles aching and your heart beating fast. Barnes hasn't even broken a sweat.

"Unless you learn to fight without your powers, they'll do nothing more than level the playing field. You need to be at an advantage if you're going to survive."

Survive. You've done plenty of that already. You want better than survival. Barnes recognizes the look on your face, the one that expresses the desire plainly. He knows the feeling, drifting from one day to the next and wanting more than that.

His voice softens a bit. "We can call it quits for the day. Get some rest. We'll go again tomorrow."

He didn't intend to be so kind. It just sort of happened, drawn out of him by the not-so-innocent girl who still has a lot to learn but can hold her own better than most.

---

Tomorrow. Tomorrow's8 like the day before, 9 am at HQ, wait for Parker to get his ass up the elevator so Stark can begin, get sidetracked by coffee, and then finally return to the task at hand.

"Give this a shot," Stark says, handing you what looks like nothing more than a vaguely human-shaped paper suit. "Not exactly protective, but it's a new technology. Should conform to your abilities."

"You did this overnight?"

"Of course. Get changed."

The suit has little support and definitely no protection. You feel like a fingernail could rip a hole through it if you pull on it wrong, let alone a knife coming at you from an angry enemy. But it's a start. An impressive start. You stare at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom as you shift, the suit shifting along with you.

Back in the training facilities, where you know Stark and Parker will be waiting, you remain in your shifted form. They don't look up as you enter, somehow having not heard you, and instead are engaged in a heated discussion with Barnes about something you don't understand. So you creep up behind Parker, lean in, and whisper into his ear.

"I think it works."

You feel a little bad, but only for a moment. Parker jumps straight out of his skin, screaming a scream you didn't know was possible from the kid. Stark lets out a laugh as you rematerialize, and Barnes even cracks a smile at your prank.

"Yeah, yeah, I'd say so." Parker's voice quivers.

"Well, what do you think?" Stark asks.

"Very thin," you say, aware that much more is visible than you really want. "I feel like it's going to rip at any moment. And there's not a whole lot of support in this area."

You gesture vaguely at your chest, not knowing how best to explain to a group of men that a sports bra is a necessity for fighting, but knowing you have to make them aware all the same. You can feel Barnes' eyes on you, a little less polite than the others, and you find you like the way he eyes you up, a bit like a puzzle to be solved or a strategy to be devised.

"Right, right, I'll get on that. Only a prototype anyway," Stark responds nervously. "Back to work, Parker. Hill, Barnes, back to training."

Bucky tries his best not to picture what you might look like without that suit, but it leaves little to the imagination as you saunter away to change again.

And so the days move forward. You've never before been so busy or exhausted in your life. You just graduated college, which is a feat in itself, but all the training, all the work, keeps you on your toes so that by the end of the day, both your brain and your body are tired.

Still, you improve and get better at sparring Barnes, even taking him down a couple of times on your own, though you suspect he's going easy on you.

"Again." Barnes is already on his feet and helping you to yours. Today the sparring room is particularly warm, and you've long forgone your sweats for shorts and a sports bra. Barnes has lost the shirt as well, and his chest glistens with sweat beneath the fluorescent lights. Maybe it's the heat or maybe it's him, but the whole thing feels a bit dreamlike. Here you are, sparring with a man who could take you to the ground with one arm alone, and he's letting you kick his ass every once in a while.

But there's no way you can do it again. You feel destroyed by all the slamming onto the mat.

Barnes is doing his best not to be distracted as well, but those tight shorts and the top that reveals your midriff have to be on purpose. It's easy to admit to himself that he likes you, might even be attracted to you. You fight hard and relentlessly, rising to every one of his challenges and not backing down even when you're tired. You've already come a long way since that first encounter, and Barnes has come to look forward to the two hours a day you spend together in the gym. He had tried to tell himself it was the fun of having a new sparring partner, but in truth, he knows it's the determined glint in your eyes, the way you bounce on your feet in excited anticipation of the fight, the way you collapse on the mat after a hard session, chest heaving deep breaths in and out. But what he likes most is your heated gaze when he pins you to the ground, or even better, you pin him.

"Knock me down one more time and you can be done," he challenges. The familiar determination returns, though a flicker of doubt remains behind your eyes. He can tell you need encouragement. "Remember to use your size to your advantage. Don't let me get ahead of you. Keep me guessing."

You do your best. You really do. You hold your own for almost two minutes, but it's obvious you're only barely staying ahead of him. As soon as you falter, Barnes has you flat on your back on the mat without much resistance, immobilized by a knee on your thighs and his metal arm trapping your hands over your head. His free hand plants by your head and holds him up to prevent him from actually hurting you.

You gasp underneath him, trying to disguise the weird flicker of desire with breathlessness. He looks good from down here, all sweaty and dark and serious. But you're also a bit too tired to care. "I'm out, Barnes. Let me go."

Let me go. Please.

And that's when the memory returns. The full, real memory, the one that has been tickling the edges of his brain since he first saw you. You, a kid, his mission. Kidnap, don't kill. A small voice, your voice, begging. Please, let me go. What has he done?

"Fuck," he curses under his breath, standing up quickly.

"Language, Barnes," you say teasingly. But he doesn't laugh, simply exits the sparring room, abruptly leaving you, speechless and alone on the floor. What just happened?

After a moment of confused silence on the mat, you brush it off and stand, heading to your room for a shower. Stark offered you a place to stay at HQ, and you happily agreed. Though you loved being back with your mother after four years away at college, you cherish your independence. A room at HQ offered you just that.

A nice shower would certainly make you feel better after that confusing interaction. You pull on your robe and shower shoes, leaving your clothes behind so as to carry one less thing. But as you pass down the hall toward the showers, you can hear Barnes' voice drift through the slightly open door to his room.

"I remembered," he says. "It was her. I'm the reason she's--" He cuts off, appearing to be interrupted by whoever he's talking to on the phone. You pause by the open door.

"I know that's not me anymore but I'm still responsible," he continues. "I have to tell her."

Again a pause. By now it's apparent he's talking about you.

"No, Steve, we aren't a team. We aren't partners. I'm helping Tony out. I don't care if she doesn't want to work with me anymore, this is part of my redemption. I have to tell her."

The conversation seems over. You rush to the showers, not wanting Barnes to realize you were listening the whole time. Apologize, he said. Apologize for what? You've known him for a whole of four days and he's been nothing but polite to you. Cold, at first, but he warms upon acquaintance. And then he's downright sweet.

So sweet, you realize, for someone so damaged. He has every right to hate the world, and though he walks through it with a healthy dose of cynicism, he never lets that cynicism touch you. If anything, he's outright positive around you, an undeserving brat. A kid, really, though you don't like when he calls you that. You know you can be naive, positive on the verge of artificiality, and yet he never tries to burst your bubble. In fact, he seems to relish it.

The shower feels nice, but it does nothing to assuage your fears. Maybe it's you who has done something wrong? Now you're spiraling. You have to find out what's going on or it's going to drive you crazy.

You know what you have to do. You have just about seven minutes of invisibility before your shifting gives out. In those seven minutes, you can duck from the showers, sneak into Barnes' room, snoop around, and make it back to the showers unseen. Plenty of time. But you have to go nude. Now would be a great time for the suit, but no such luck. Naked it is.

Out in the hallway, all is quiet. Barnes' door is still ajar, but when you peek your head in, the room is empty.

Easy.

Where to start? His phone is a dead end, being one of those ancient flipping kinds rather than a new, high-tech smartphone. He has few personal belongings, the bed is made perfectly, and his closet contains only clothes.

The drawers of the nightstand are empty. Or nearly empty. At the back of the top drawer is unceremoniously shoved a small booklet with a pen stuck between the pages. It's worn and supple, as though held a thousand times and read a thousand more. You flip through, finding a list of names, some crossed out, others not. Your name does not appear, but something about the list tells you these are not ordinary names. These are the names of his victims, people Barnes hurt as the Winter Soldier. Your heart aches and your stomach clenches, the reminder of his past jarring against the kind demeanor you've come to know. But deep down, you know this isn't him, know he's a good man, despite it all.

You know better than most the first-hand horrors of Hydra's super-soldier experiments. Of anyone, you can relate best to the experience Barnes has been through. Your memories of that long week are blurry, but the pain remains, forever seared into your mind. You can only imagine a lifetime of that pain.

The sound of the door opening jolts you from your reverie and you close the drawer quickly. But you soon realize your mistake. Barnes would know he left the door open, would know exactly how he placed his book in the drawer, would recognize something was off. Unfortunately, you're right.

"Hello?" he calls into the darkening room. The evening is coming on fast and the sun dims to barely glimmer, casting the space in shadow despite the large windows on the south wall.

Bucky knows something is off the moment he finds your room unoccupied, having gone there with the express purpose of confronting you about his actions earlier in the afternoon. And though he has no way of truly knowing, he suspects you are now here, in this room with him, invisible to his gaze. Bucky shuts the door behind him and waits.

You're trapped. You don't have long before your powers give out; already the suffocating feeling that begs you to take a breath is coming on. And Barnes has closed the door, effectively sealing you in, as you can't open it without him knowing for sure that you're here. On top of that, you're clothingless. You've run out of options and Barnes seems to sense this. So, he waits, drawing out the moment of tension, building the suspense.

"I know you're here," he says finally, his voice soft and barely audible. "You can't hide that well. Next time, dry your feet off before you go leaving wet footprints all over the place."

Oops.

"I--" you begin, and immediately Barnes' eyes snap to where your voice originates from. "I'm sorry. I overheard your conversation with Rogers. I shouldn't have but I know it was about me."

Barnes sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, you're right. I have some things to explain. Though I'd much prefer talking to you if I could see you."

You hesitate. "Only a slight problem there. I'm not wearing any clothes."

If it had been any lighter in the room you would have seen Barnes blush. Instead, you watch him pull his shirt over his head. He hands it to you blindly, the shirt off his own back, soft with wear and long enough to cover the tops of your thighs. It smells of him, salty with sweat and sweet with the scent you've come to recognize only as him. You shrug it on and shift back.

"I'm sorry," you say again, having trouble concentrating with Barnes' bare chest at your eye level. Is that an old bullet wound on his shoulder? The reminder of a knife across his stomach? You can't look away, even at the seam where man meets metal.

Barnes shakes his head. "No, I should be the one apologizing."

He pauses for a moment and tries to begin several times before finally forming a complete sentence.

"It's my fault you're like this, that Hydra tested on you. It was me who kidnapped you, it was me who followed orders, it was me who completed the mission and got you hurt. And I'm so sorry."

You're so frozen in shock that the absurdity of the situation doesn't even register. There's nothing under this shirt, no underwear, no pants, no bra. And here you are standing in the bedroom of your greatest inspiration, listening to him apologize for being the one that facilitated your kidnapping, for being responsible for all the injury, the pain, the nightmares, the isolation, the...

It all comes flooding back, the things you had forgotten, or simply chose to not remember, and one of those things is his face.

You thought you'd dealt with impact. So many hours with a therapist, and you realize all you did was suppress the feelings, not confront them. And then you break, all the anger and sadness and frustration flowing from you at once.

"You piece of shit." Your voice begins as a whisper but soon amplifies nearly to a shout. "You monster, you bastard, how could you? How could you?"

All this time you forgave him for the damage he'd done, excused it as brainwashing and manipulation from Hydra. But now that it's you he's involved, you have somewhere to direct your anger, and you take it out as a shove straight to his chest.

He didn't expect that one. The words he understood. He accepted those, accepted that you would hate him forever. But then you're pushing and hitting him with all your force. Barnes could fight back, could hold his ground. But you need this, so he lets you shove him into the wall with a newfound strength. Finally against the wall, with nowhere left to go, you turn to pummelling his chest with your fists, repeating the words over and over, how could you, how could you, how could you.

For a moment, he lets it happen. But eventually, Barnes reacts, grabbing your wrists and holding them to his chest in an attempt to calm the fury that rages inside you. Surprisingly, at his touch, you still, slumping against him once the anger is replaced with nothing but sadness. That anger, one you never truly realized you'd harbored since your capture, bled from you all at once, leaving you exhausted.

You don't notice you're crying until a soft thumb wipes a tear from your cheek. Barnes releases your hands and wraps his arms around your sobbing body, pulling you close. "I'm so sorry," he repeats in your ear, his words a whisper against the rage inside your head.

Is it hours, or only minutes, standing like that, wrapped up in him, his skin so soft against your cheek? Time has ceased to exist, melting into the nighttime that encompasses the room in near pitch-black darkness. Your breath calms, your heart rate slows, the tears dry. He's only a man, a broken, misplaced, lost man. But he's also impossibly kind to you, caring enough to train you day after day, to pick you up when you fall down, to ensure you're happy here at all times. That's the man you know and rest your cheek against and seek out for comfort in this moment, despite him being the reason for your anger. But he's not truly the reason for your anger, only an easy outlet standing right before you.

This is not how Bucky had expected this to go. Perhaps to never see you again, yes. But to hold you in his arms, certainly not. And not just hold you, but comfort you. It surprises him how much he finds he likes it. And he can't ignore the fact that you're here in his room, wearing his shirt and only his shirt. He doesn't try anything improprietous, just wraps his arms around your waist, but it's not lost on him that your supple chest is pressed against him and the delicious scent from your still wet hair is filling his brain with a flowery cloud. His stomach clenches at the thought of burying his face in that smell for the rest of the night but he pushes it aside. That's not why you're here. That's not what you want.

But your next words surprise him. You pull slightly away, tilting your splotchy face upward towards his to look him in the eye. You take a ragged breath and speak.

"I forgive you."

Bucky is taken aback. That's not why he made this confession, not to seek your forgiveness. "You don't have to do that."

"I know. But I do. And I know you think I'm just a kid--"

Barnes lets out a short laugh, cutting you off immediately. "Jesus Christ, that's not true. You're not a kid. You're smart and strong and capable. And you've seen the ugly world for its true self and choose to remain good and happy all the same. I'm not like that and that makes you wiser than I'll ever be."

He takes a deep breath, unsure if he should admit to the feelings he desperately wants to express to you. The way you're looking at him, with a mixture of hesitation and admiration, makes the words tumble from his mouth without a second thought.

"But somehow being around you makes me want to be good again. Not for my sake, but for yours."

"James, I--" You've never used his first name before, but it falls deliciously from your lips, the sound of it nearly distracting him from the finger you run across the stubble on the cleft of his chin. Nearly. He captures that hand in his own, holding it there against his face.

"You don't have to forgive me. I don't deserve it," he repeats, eyes falling shut to the feeling of your thumb pressed to the corner of his lips. He still holds you close, the other arm wrapping tight around you, and though verbally he rejected the comfort your warmth offered, his body says otherwise, desperate for the acceptance his brain refuses to give into.

"Stop punishing yourself," you whisper. For a moment, he almost feels that he could.

And when your lips find his, soft and delicate, he forgets why you're even here in the first place, forgets his guilt and your anger, forgets even to react.

His lack of response has you pulling away, worried you've done something wrong, but then he's chasing your lips with his own, leaning forward to meet you halfway, gathering you impossibly tighter to his chest. He pauses, mouth mere centimeters from yours, eyes still shut, a deep breath heaving from his chest. He wants more, wants to kiss you again in all the places that count, but he can't quite yet.

"What was that for?" The question's not an accusatory one but simply curious. Have you always looked at him in this light since day one? Has he just not noticed?

"Are you blind, Barnes?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "None of that last name shit, doll, we've moved on to a first-name basis."

But your words are enough to surge him forward, this time capturing your lips in a dominating kiss that leaves you gasping for air. He takes advantage of your open mouth and presses his tongue to yours, seeking to fill his soul with your all-consuming warmth, to wrap it around him like a cocoon of your scent. His fingers slide down your back and slip under the shirt you wear, his shirt, grasping at the bare skin of your ass, filling his hands with your supple flesh.

You moan softly under his touch, relishing in the feeling of being encompassed by someone so large and so strong. The vibranium arm, which you expected to be harshly indelicate against your relative fragility, caresses you with the same gentility of the other. The intense contact sends your heart racing like it did all the times you were pinned below him on the sparring mat. Will he pin you like that in bed? Hold you down while he fucks you within an inch of your life?

The thought rouses a heat between your legs and stirs butterflies in your tummy. You don't even know if that's where this is going, but it invades your brain anyways. You're sure Barnes can feel your racing pulse beneath his lips when he kisses your neck, sending your nerves haywire as he creeps toward the neckline of your shirt. He inhales your scent, the hot air of his breath fanning your cool skin.

Everything about this is sloppy, the wet kisses dragged across your skin, his tongue tangled with yours, your fingers tugging at the hair that brushes the nape of his neck. Even his hips against yours are messy and rough, the heat of him leaving your core feeling slick, the wetness of it rubbing between your naked thighs. And then Barnes is sliding his hands back up your body, this time under your shirt, and tugging it over your head, his lips leaving your skin just long enough to toss the item to the ground.

You expect him to keep surging forward, to lift you in his arms and take you to bed like you want him to. But he pauses instead, hands cradling the back of your head, his eyes staring intensely into yours. Or you think he's staring into your eyes.

"Are you okay? Is this okay?" His voice is full of concern but raspy with arousal all the same.

"Yes, James, yes, I need more."

"Well, I would, it's just that you've disappeared on me again." One look at your hands and you know he was looking right through you, not at you. The swirl of emotions--pleasure, arousal, timidity even--sent you shifting without your knowledge. You can't help but laugh.

"Let me see you, doll," he groans, sounding exasperated that he can't rake his gaze across your naked flesh or find all the places he wants to touch you because they're invisible.

"You first."

A heated understanding lights up his eyes, still vibrant in the darkness of the room. Slowly, he releases his grip on you, relenting to not knowing where you are in space. You take an invisible step back to get a better view of the specimen before you. With one hand, he unbuckles his belt, sliding the leather from his pants and dropping it to the floor with a thunk. And then his pants are gone and he's left in his boxers, tight against the bulging muscles of his thighs.

And other bulging things. He doesn't hide his attraction to you. But still, you do not reappear.

Bucky begins to worry you're never going to, that maybe he's taken things too for. But then, a soft finger trails across his neck and he jerks in surprise. You're tracing the plain of his chest with a feather-light touch, dipping into the indent between his collarbones, feeling along the puckered scar of a bullet wound and the long slice of a knife. He feels healed beneath your touch, but it's not enough to satisfy the insatiable hunger building in the tightness of his groin. This entire evening has been a long, drawn-out, build-up of tension, and if he doesn't release it soon, it will snap like an overstretched rubber band.

He makes his move.

Apparently, Bucky's senses are just as perceptive here as they are on the sparring mat. His metal hand shoots up and wraps around the wrist of the hand on his chest, despite being unable to see it. The other reaches out and grapples at your invisible body in the dark, somehow finding your waist. He doesn't need to see you to manage to flip you around and press your back against his chest. In your surprise, your invisibility falters, and you flicker out of your shifted form with a flustered squeak, one hand suddenly pinned between your back and Bucky's rock-hard chest.

He holds on with an iron grip and walks you toward the bed, holding you up to prevent you from tripping in your ruffled state.

"You're taking too long, doll," he mumbles into your ear, and you feel his chest rumble with the vibrations. Your free hand flies to the one around your waist, which is slowly creeping upward toward your breast to twist at the sensitive nipple. "I know you like it when I pin you on the sparring floor. I can see it in your eyes. I'll take you like that right now if you give me the word."

Fuck, you want nothing more but you can't breathe enough to get the words out, opting for nodding vigorously instead. But Bucky wants words, gently prodding you forward to get a verbal commitment out of you. He will never take you against your will again. So you manage a long, drawn-out please and suddenly you're face-first in the sheets, bent halfway at the waist, your ass grinding against the delicious bulge pressed against your aching cunt. It pleases you that he has been thinking the same wicked thoughts as you when he slams you to the mat over and over again in training.

Bucky pulls your arm out from underneath you, joining it with the other and holding them together with his metal fist at your lower back, forcing your chest further into the mattress and your ass higher in the air. There's no way for you to move, no matter how hard you try. But you don't try, won't try. Bucky has you right where you want to be.

"Tell me if it's too much," he murmurs in your ear and you breathe an affirmation. His teeth nibble suddenly at your ear lobe and you squirm, the sensation of his breath fanning your skin sending goosebumps along the trail of kisses he leaves down your spine. Somehow, you know this is only the calm before the storm, the gentle caresses of a man who's about to rearrange every organ in your body, all the way up to your heart if you aren't careful.

It doesn't matter to you that it's pitch black in the room; you wouldn't have been able to see anything with your face shoved into the comforter, even if the lights were on. But Bucky's starting to regret having left the lights off, wishing he could better see the curve of your hips, the swell of your thighs, or the bloom of his handprint on your ass when his hand comes down with a smack. He resigns to being satisfied by the mewling gasp that escapes your lips and your soft pleas to Do it again, harder.

So he does. Smack.

And then he's sinking to his knees and you can tell because he leaves a wet stripe of skin with his tongue over the globe of your ass and blows a shock of cool air across the rawness of your skin.  He replaces the sting of his hand with the bite of his teeth and then a kiss to soothe you again. The rollercoaster of sensations has you moaning against the mattress and rocking your hips toward his face and Barnes chuckles at your movement, your actions giving away the desperation you feel to have his tongue move to more sensitive places.

He is happy to oblige. You hadn't even noticed you'd been squeezing your thighs together until he slid a hand up between them, forcing them apart. It's a blessing your legs aren't doing any work to keep you up anymore because they feel like jelly under his touch. The hand between your thighs moves higher still until you feel his thumb pressed to your sensitive clit, warm and twitching with anticipation, desire coursing through your veins and dripping from your wet cunt. Your ears barely register that he's speaking, the blood is pumping so hard in your ears, but his words are exalting.

"Look at you, so wet for me." The hand around your wrists tightens just slightly. You are surprised by the extreme control he has over the cool metal fingers, and you almost wish he'd use those on you instead. And then he says, "you like it, don't you, doll, being at my mercy," and you forget all about the arm and decide it doesn't matter what hand presses down with a gentle strength on your clit as long as he doesn't stop. And he doesn't. Doesn't move, doesn't flinch or twitch or falter, just holds steady until your gasping mewls die down just enough for you to say, "yes, all for you, all for you, all..."

With those words, his thumb slips, between your slick folds into your pussy, finding the soft spongy flesh and pressing down again and you cry out with a careening moan that tapers off into a silent sob. He's taking his time, picking you apart, pulling at the laces that bind you together, and undoing them to release the tension he knows you harbor. But what about him? Is it not torture for him?

You breathe in a rough gasp, enough to squeak out a few more words. "I thought we were going too slow for you."

He laughs, he actually laughs, at your words, but relents.

"I hear you, doll."

I hear you. Oh wow. His tongue replaces his finger and you lose all coherence, able only to blubber some iteration of his name as the smooth muscle traces circles around your clit, finally allowing your orgasm to build with a steady contraction in your pelvis. Barnes moans between your legs like he's never tasted chocolate or buttercream or any of those other wondrous flavors and there's only you. And that moan sends you overboard, the vibrations diffusing down your legs and you tremble into your first orgasm. Your first orgasm.

He keeps going, riding out the waves of your high until you're crying that it's too much, James, too much and he pulls his tongue away from your oversensitized clit only to move down your legs. He's working you up again, teasing the smooth skin of your inner thigh with gentle nips and kisses until your body is craving release again, your cunt clenching around nothing but the memory of his mouth. He is deliberate in his ministrations, methodical in the way he must be with his missions. The flood of your first orgasm has dripped steadily down your thigh and he cleans you with his tongue, dragging upward along the sticky trail of your musky release until his tongue makes contact again and he pulls an orgasm from your desperate body once more.

He still hasn't released your arms.

"You know how long I've wanted to do this?" he groans, as you shudder again into the pleasure of his touch. He kisses back up the length of your spine while you twitch under him, his free hand dragging shock wave after shock wave from your cunt. It strikes you that this man is truly 106, not 26 like his body suggests, and you absentmindedly wonder if that's why he's so good at it, that he's had years to practice. And then his cock is pressing against your folds and you forget the notion halfway through thinking it. "You're so good to me doll, so good for opening up for me. Wanna feel your tight pussy around me."

You push backward, or do your best to without the employment of your arms, wanting desperately to feel him inside you. He is warm and all-encompassing and part of you thinks his cock spilling his seed inside of you would complete you like nothing else. But you know that's a bad idea and you can hear him already unwrapping a condom (where did he get that from?) and your body trembles with the anticipation. You haven't even seen him yet but you know he must be big, the way he grunts when the tip of his erection teases your entrance.

When he enters you it isn't gentle like the stroke of his tongue. It splits you open with a rough thrust, the laces of your heart fully undone and releasing you from their confinement. You choke on your own air.

And then he's releasing your arms, and before you can react, Barnes has you lifted, your back to his chest, your knees shoved roughly into the mattress so he can stand and fuck you from behind. The metal arm finds your neck and forces your head back, his lips dragging hot against your soft skin and muttering filthy praise into your ear, his hand gently on your throat to hold you there. Your hands fly to his, not to pull him away, but to convince him to squeeze, just a little bit harder. The pressure is grounding, and then the hand around your waist is trailing toward the bud of your clit and rubbing in urgent circles and you let out a silent gasp as he thrusts into you at a pace astounding for the position you're in.

You come hard, over his hand, around his cock, and for the first time Barnes falters, stunned by the intensity with which you clamp around him and if he hadn't made you come two times already he might have held out a bit longer to pull another one of those stunning orgasms from your slick cunt. But you're sagging, using him to hold you up against the exhaustion of repeated abuse so he releases, riding the wave of pleasure you started. Bucky groans out your name, surprising you with the gentleness of it on his tongue despite the rough hand around your neck.

When he releases you softly back onto the bed, you sink heavily into the mattress, feeling high on pleasure and drunk on his hands. He pulls away and shuffles around the room, and if you had had any energy left you might have complained at the loss of him but as it sits nothing will rouse you from the intense desire to simply fall asleep.

He continues to move about and then... the lights go on? You groan at the harsh treatment of your eyes as they adjust. But Barnes returns and pulls you against him and apologizes for the rude awakening.

"Sorry, doll," he mutters. "Wanted to get a better look at you." His fingers glide along your back and his face nuzzles into the top of your head, breathing into your hair as you press your forehead into his chest. Despite being exhausted himself he trails his hands all over your body, exploring the side of you that has been shoved into the sheets for the better part of the evening. You let him, although your nerves feel fried and oversensitive to touch.

"Watch what you do with those hands," you giggle as his fingertips brush over a nipple, "unless you're ready to go again."

"Already looking forward to next time?"

"You wish," you tease, but already you know for certain that there will be a next time.

[mcbride]

TWD S11 Predictions - Carol/Daryl focused

disclaimer: i don't know anything. i have no sources. just my predictions, thoughts and wishful thinking based on filming tracking, intuition, some theories, images from the teaser/promo trailers and more wishful thinking!

solely focused on Carol and Daryl's storylines, cause apparently that's all my heart cares about anymore! as a wise person once said (Espy, my positive fairy! if you're reading this, ilysm), our baes need to be dealing with their own issues and demons, separately, while getting some closure with other people, so they can finally move forward together.

so i don't expect many actual caryl scenes in part 1 of s11, but i fully expect them to keep each other in mind, and even make some decisions based on a future they wanna have together even before they resolve the awkward tension between them atm.

imo the perfect caryl arc in 11a would include a lot of emotional encounters, drama, disappearances, fake deaths, torture, tragedy, dog, closure and make up and make out... after the jump....

it appears that Carol and Daryl will be involved in different missions at the start of the season - he will head out with Maggie's group to search for food when they are caught up in a storm and have to hide out in the subway tunnels; while i presume she stays back to defend and help clean up ASZ or goes on her own mission with Kelly and Magna.

Carol, Kelly and Magna end up stumbling upon Connie's journal, a symbol of hope for all of them. they might even decide to search the area for any more signs of Connie. i really want Carol herself to find Connie and bring her back to Kelly. and not cause Carol is a hero who saved Connie, nooooooo cause Connie can save her own self. she is strong, not a damsel in distress. she went through hell but she made it back. i think we will see Connie and what she has been through, however, i don't believe she will reunite with anyone from team family before the MSF (11x08) or even MSP (11x09). no idea who she and Virgil are running from in the trailer - it could either be a whisperer, a stray reaper or just some crazy random motherf*cker they run into.

while Maggie's group are in the tunnels, dog runs off and Daryl goes to search for him, never making it back to the group for some reason. after the storm is over, Maggie and the group search for Daryl but not having been able to find him (?) they just assume he is gone, possibly dead? i don't know why Maggie would give up so easily searching for family, but it seems like her current MO to just leave people behind.

along the way, Carol and Magna will find common ground and actually become besties cause she desperately needs some female friends. please and thank you. they can bond over the hope to find Connie alive and well, or the fact, both of them are currently in a very awkward position with their boos while having no idea where the heck they are.

Daryl probably got separated from the group while escaping a small herd in the tunnels (cue to Daryl's face covered in blood in the woods) and when he finally finds dog, he comes face to face with a masked reaper formerly known to him as Leah. he is shocked to learn she's part of the group that targeted Maggie. Leah is probably bitter Daryl chose his family instead of her a few years ago cause she has no idea he came back for her... so she and her friends take (willingly or not!) Daryl prisoner... possibly torture him and play mind games to gather information on team family.

in the sdcc trailer, there are some very heartbreaking scenes with Carol (and Aaron?), i cannot wait for it. i know it's gonna make me cry so hard and i've been needing Carol/Aaron friendship for years. at the same time, i expect Carol to also have some badass fighting scenes with her daughter-in-law and new bestie, Lydia, and tia Rosita! YES girl power!! people need Carol and she's totally there for them.

Aaron seems to be in a bad place emotionally (possibly something happened to Gracie, or just the fact they lost a lot of people in the whisperers war!) and Carol will be there to urge him not to make the same mistakes she did. hopefully, these 2 can join forces and come up with a masterplan to defeat the reapers.

Daryl being Daryl who always wants to save people even from themselves, tries to convince Leah to change sides, join team family, or convince her own family to leave his family alone. he's unsuccessful and when Daryl tries to escape, setting the whole place on fire and killing a few men on his way out of the reapers compound, Leah threatens to harm dog. cause why not? she obvi loves nothing or no one! they take Daryl back to another cell, and dog manages to escape.

meanwhile, Maggie's group returns to ASZ, where they tell Carol they believe Daryl is lost or dead. please give me all the angst that comes with Carol thinking she may have lost Daryl forever! she has been pretty committed to the group and rebuilding their home, but i believe her first instinct will be to run, to leave... TO FIND DARYL!!! cause no way in hell would Carol just accept he's gone unless she sees it with her own eyes.

WELL in true 'if you can't beat them, then join them' fashion, after a few brainwashing sessions with Leah, Daryl tells her all about the note (FIND ME) he left for her at the cabin, how he knows he made the wrong decision then, declares his loyalty to her and joins the reapers...

dog arrives at ASZ just as Carol is about to leave to search for Daryl. good boy always comes back home to mama and together they will find and save dada. (bear with me! from now on i'll be totally running wild with my wishful thinking... it will pretty much read like some fanfic plot!)

Daryl keeps trying to fit in with the reapers group, but he's only taking a page from Carol's undercover book - fake it till you make it + destroy them from the inside. what he doesn't know is that Leah and her new/old bf (Pope!?) have been planning an attack on ASZ behind his back. they simply let him know, this is his chance to prove himself to the reapers. he has to go along with the plan (or DIE!), but he hopes to be Alexandrians' inside man, helping them protect their family at all costs (ironically, exactly what Negan did when he joined the whisperers and they attacked Hilltop... just not the same motivation! i guess Carol wasn't so wrong about Negan after all!)

at night, Daryl puts on his reaper costume and they head to ASZ. reapers learned the location of the place by tracking dog. the plan was much bigger and more explosive than Daryl expected, the reapers destroy a big part of ASZ brand new rebuilt wall and set fire to a bunch of houses and the mill before Daryl can even react.

Alexandrians and reapers fight as Daryl sneaks out to lead the kids to safety. he finds Maggie, asks for Carol, and is glad she is out there looking for him, relatively safe, rather than around to fight and watch ASZ fall.

while out looking for Daryl, Carol hears the explosions, sees the fire and she and dog return to ASZ as fast as they can. they are greeted by Leah at what used to be front gate...

i realize this is getting extremely long, so i'll just say that i absolutely don't want Carol to have anything to do with Leah's possible imminent death. i don't want that guilt on her conscience, and i don't want her to feel like Leah is just another person she took from Daryl (like Connie!). i don't even want Leah to die! unless she's trying to hurt or kill Daryl.

somehow i think it would be a good twist, if for a quick second Carol thought Daryl had betrayed them and joined the reapers for Leah. of course, Carol knows better. SHE KNOWS DARYL. he would never, but for a brief panicked moment, it would be good to see her react to that. i can only imagine the pain in her eyes. but she also trusts Daryl with her life.

we have no idea what Leah knows about Carol, but i'd like the pocketknife Daryl regifted to come back. how would Leah react? likely angry to see another woman with something that was hers. i want to believe Daryl would never tell Leah anything about Carol because she is just too important and too personal to share. but maybe Leah can tell there was someone else !? who knows.

i just want it to be completely clear Daryl is done with that part of his past. Daryl is not alone and lost in the woods anymore without his brother Rick and his bestie Carol. ever since Carol brought him back, Daryl has acted like he knows exactly what he wants and he's done playing games. and what he wants is not Leah or Connie. he wants for ALL his family to be safe and happy, and he wants to run away with Carol and see the world. AND i want both Carol and Daryl to feel free to be free and live freely.

as for the make up and make out part... (that's saved for 11b, hopefully!)

team family won, most of the reapers are dead, except for Leah. Daryl (with Carol's nod of approval!) decides to spare her, gives her some supplies and tells her to get lost. at the same time, Eugene arrives with the troopers from CommonWealth to help with the whisperer war. WHOOPS. 2 wars, 2 late, bruh! but the group leaves to join the good people at CW.

Carol and Daryl have a very long conversation about everything that happened and what they have been feeling. Daryl telling her exactly why he was so mad at her (she kept leaving, can't commit!), her actions (almost getting herself killed!) since Henry's death and how he needs her in his life. no matter how she sees herself or whether she thinks she's worthy or not, he just wants her to be there next to him for whatever is to come.

plus Carol realizing she needed to get closer and let people in without fear, not give up hope and actually fight for a better future for herself. and finally, admitting to Daryl that it was horrible to think he might've been gone forever, promising to never make him feel the way she felt. basically, a promise to never ever leave him again (cue to making out!)

[rangergranger11]

Headcanons (I promise these won’t make you cry)

Ok so on @eatyourdamnpears post there were a lot of headcanons, and I decided to put them all in one post, but just bear in mind, half of this is credit to @thedarkestcrew cuz she did some amazing HCs, and I’m by no means stealing hers, just putting it all in a better place.

- Liam sends packages to Ruby because he can't make a fool out of himself in person so it's the next best thing. 

-These packages include things like hand writing notes, stuffed animals, any ruby jewellery he finds, pictures of them on dates that he printed (he has matching pictures and keeps them under his bed)( Cole and Harry find them but it's too cute to tease him), and finally, videos to make her laugh

- He also keeps a menu from Ruby Tuesday, and LOADS of old CDs and rock band t shirts

-Cole and him borrow each others jackets all the time and it's not a problem because they live in the same house and they can just go over to the room next door, 

-But when ruby starts stealing Liam’s jackets that he stole from Cole? well now the Stewart house is missing 10 leather jackets and you can't just get them form the girl who lives a state away. So she has to send them back in the mail,

-keeps a few that smell like Liam because she can

-sometimes people are confused which Stewart brother Ruby is really dating. And the fact that they look like twins it adds to the confusion, and the Ruby and Cole literally love to watch people get so mixed up

-oh absolutely, they’ll walk in on ruby and Liam making out, but two second later see Cole smoothing Down her hair and calling her Gem, AND seeing her he friendly with Chubs and cleaning his glasses because her skirt has better fabric for it, AND seeing her joke around with Nico

-it becomes a bet to see who she's with

-Liam will give Ruby his jacket, but than Cole comes and notices it's his jacket and makes a joke about them dating, she just gives him the jacket because she'd rather wear lee'. bystanders are distraught

-  And then Clancy comes along and brags about how he kissed Ruby and then the people who bet are just like 'where. the. hell. did. clancy. frickin. gray. come. from???

-Ruby thinks most of the rumours are funny and will be really vague about who her boyfriend is. most of the time just seeing Ruby and Liam together will be enough for people to figure it out by how the are relaxed around each other and look lovingly at the other.

-But when she hears the Clancy rumour she shuts that down faster than Charles scarfs Down a pancake

- Also, Liam's mum and Harry have an ongoing bet about who Ruby is actually dating because it's just so confusing at this point. Grace is like 'are you blind???' and Harry Is like 'there's something with Cole, I swear!!' But eventually realised its Liam and gives in

- Grace thinks she’s dating Cole, because when she visited she hugged Cole first and than a minute later hugged Liam. Yes, she went out to the park with Liam but grace doesn't know that, also she spend 20 minutes in Coles room chatting. She thinks Liam just has a crush on her or something 

- Ruby's parents can't tell them apart for anything and made a rule of " announce who you are before talking" after Liam kissed Ruby on the cheek and her mom thought that was the same person who told someone to go-F themselves ten minutes ago and nearly faints. It takes them a while the even figure out there are two blond southern men that flirt with their daughter

 -Grace is always giving Liam encouraging mom advice like, 'there are always others' and 'you'll get there someday' and Liam is just like 'thanks, mom'

-Ruby's dad is just so tired of confusing Liam and Cole, he's like 'Stewart sr' and 'Stewart jr.' He tried to call them 'Ruby's boyfriend' and Ruby's friend, but Cole answered to both just for the fun of it

-Chubs does not think it's funny at all and spits out what he's drinking when he sees Cole look when her dad says ' Ruby's boyfriend'. almost strangles Ruby until he hears about it. 

-Vida thinks it's really funny but event breaks and tells everyone it's a joke the day after. she doesn't know how many more times she can see Liam pouting

-After the Cole fiasco is over. his parents wait about a week and try to get Liam with Ruby. it's a bunch of prep talks, buying new clothes, telling him how to not mess up. when the big date comes her kisses her as a hello and they feel betrayed

-When ruby’s dad says the jr, sr thing he has Harry looking too and now he just needs to have ruby in the room with him, whoever’s face gets softer Is Liam, the one who stands up to tease her about something is Cole

-One day they talk about it and their 70 percent sure it’s Cole because they think he’s more her type while Liam would be good for her. Anyways they see her making out with Liam and are shocked and think she’s cheating on Cole.

-Harry had to sit Cole down and explain that Ruby isn’t faithful and Cole is absolutely loving it. He’s eating it all up, goes along with it, calls ruby in-front of him and ‘breaks up with her’, she also thinks it’s hilarious because for crying out loud it’s been a few month into the new program and why not see how long they can keep going. I swear they have a whole plot on how they met, what line made them fall in love the, whole 9 yards. 

-Grams knows of course because she pulled her aside and threatened her to date Liam because he’s the poster ’ nice southern boy’. Liam does not enjoy his girl friend pretending to date his brother but she throws enough Liam flirting into the mix to make it even.

- when Cole ‘breaks up’ with her, they have a fully fledged fake argument, like ‘remember that time when we got ice cream and you told me you told me you loved me’ and ‘you never loved me!!’ And for Ruby this is easy, because let’s face it Ruby is a grade A liar (in a good way) and Cole should be a 5 star actor because he is so damn dramatic. 

-Harry is totally buying this, and in the end they confess to their parents that Ruby + Cole was never a thing, and Liam is just looking at his mum like ‘SEE, I TOLD YOU I WASN’T A TOTAL LOSER’ and poor Grace just bakes a bunch of things just to make it up to him, and they all have a laugh about it. 

-But it was getting to the point where Ruby’s parents asked Zu which one she was dating and she was like ‘I am not getting involves in this.’ and Cole is just giving her a discreet thumbs up for playing her part while she just rolls her eyes.

-Oh absolutely they get into it, everyone who knows their lying get popcorn and treat it like its a movie. Cole says something absolutely ridiculous like “ you can take my heart, and my dignity, but I’m taking back the popcorn I gave you that one time” and Ruby has to use all of her enegery to not burst out laughing. 

-Ruby can also fake cry quickly so she’s sobbing, and by the end schools her face within a second and wipes away to tears Cooly. Ruby’s mom can’t trust her after that. also still kinda doesnt belive she’s dating anyone because of the Cole thing. Liam comes over 5 times before she’s convinced that this isn’t another prank. Ruby tells her she’s going on a date Saturday and says “ ha ya alright I’m not falling for that again” and than on saturday spends 6 minutes looking around the house for her before calling her and realizing that she wasent kidding

-Vida definitely films the whole thing like it's some telenovela, while Chubs is rolling her eyes at her but Zu secretly loves the drama and her stupid family. And Rubiam parents mention this at their wedding as well like, Ruby's dad would be doing a speech 'today we are gathered for the union of my daughter and Cole- Liam, i meant Liam. Its definitely Liam. Right Ruby??'

-Cole shows up to Haven for a visit about to yell at Liam and Ruby for not inviting him sooner after Harry and Grace let the location slip

( I know cole being dead is one of the things that sparked haven being made on liams part, but let's just say the spark for haven was Ruby getting harassed and Liam not being able to see her like that and asking her to run away with him to the middle of no where. Good? Great)

-Cole is about to walk through the door before a kid puts a frog in his hand and another kid asks if he can beat the level on his game boy.

-he thinks it's really adorable and the kids start calling him Liam for a Few minutes so why not,

-anyways he sneezes in a lone hallway and lights something small on fire before quickly putting it out.

-Owen is coming out of his room but sees the panic in Coles eyes and says ' hey, I'm not one to judge' and walks back into his room.

-When Ruby gets home she stops and stares at him for a full minute like " that's..... not Liam????"

-he calls her gem and she can't decide between jumping a hug onto him or punching him.

-Liam gets home and the kids all do a double take like ' you changed shirts??? can got a hair cut????' before doing a double take between the two

-Loads of the kids gather around and start making daisy chains for Cole’s hair, and he freaking loves it.

-He’s surprisingly good with kids as they all hover around him asking questions, holding his hand and showing him random things and it warms Ruby’s heart so much

Again, credit to @thedarkestcrew for thinking all of this, and this post has been fun 

[languagemadness]

38 Classic Polish Books You Should Know (About)

requested by anon

That’s a hell of a Buzzfeed title, wow! I focused solely on books, but you need to remember that poems play a HUGE part in Polish literature in general. Instead of doing a list of "classic Polish texts", which would include full-on books, poems, dramas, everything, and would be probably 18637 positions long, I did only some of the most important books, dramas, and comic books. If you’d like me to tell you more about anything on this list, cover something more in detail, or make another list — shoot me an ask!

I ordered the list NOT by how much I like these books or how strongly I’d recommend them. The list is ordered from the easiest ones to the toughest ones -- literarily, not linguistically.

Also, I know that the ask was about classical books, which I too included in this list.

Let’s start with something approachable — comic books and "normal" books that are so easy and pleasant to read. Except for the two books about war — they’re approachable but the topic doesn’t really make them pleasant.

Pan Samochodzik by Zbigniew Nienacki

A series of books about Pan Samochodzik, who’s an art historian and a detective, and his job is to solve theft, smuggling, and forgery cases. He’s basically a mix of Indiana Jones and Hercules Poirot. The background for the books is life in Polish People’s Republic, but it’s actually shown not as rough as it was in real life. Apart from that, they’re basically children’s books — very light, easy, and funny.

I’d definitely recommend them, I mean, who doesn’t like stories like that? Plus, you don’t need to be God knows how good with Polish to read them.

adaptations: There are 4 movies and a TV show based on the books, each based on a different book from the series.

Podróże z Herodotem by Ryszard Kapuściński

You can read it even when you’re like 10 because it’s a very nice, easy, pleasant story. An autobiography where the author describes his travels to Asia and Africa and compares them to the travels of Herodotus. Very interesting, often funny, it gives you a full view of different people and cultures and how rich the world is. It teaches you a little bit of history, it teaches you a little bit about the modern world (I think the story starts in the 1950s), and the comparison between these two — it’s really fascinating to see that, generally, the world hadn’t changed that much.

I would wholeheartedly recommend it to everyone.

W pustyni i w puszczy by Henryk Sienkiewicz

The only book I cried on and not because it was so beautiful, but because it was so painful to read. Okay, I was like 11 when I read it, but technically it’s a book for kids, so…

It’s a story about two kids who get lost in Africa and they hike through like 5 countries to find their fathers (who worked in Africa and just happened to forget to take their children one day I guess?). Really, it’s about friendship, dedication, love, all the important values in life. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s painfully boring to read.

It’s a wonderful story, don’t get me wrong, and I loved it as a child — but the movie. The book I hated. So I do recommend it, but the movie.

adaptations: 2 TV shows and 2 movies (the one from 2001 being the most popular).

Tytus, Romek i A’Tomek by Henryk Jerzy Chmielewski

Comic books. Two friends try to humanize a monkey while traveling and exploring different areas of science and history. It’s funny, absurd, educational, and understandable for non-advanced learners of Polish.

Do I recommend? Absolutely.

adaptations: 2 episodes of a short TV show, a video game, and a movie from 2002 titled "Tytus, Romek i A’Tomek wśród złodziei marzeń" — but it’s not based on the comics, only on the characters.

Kajko i Kokosz by Janusz Christa

A series of comic books which is basically a Polish version of “Asterix”. It’s about two Slavic warriors who have all kinds of adventures and fights with Zbójcerze. It’s all fictional and to be honest, I don’t really remember much from the comics, but I know that I loved them as a child. There are also renewals of the old volumes as well as new stories based on the original story and they’re coming out even in 2018.

I wouldn’t say it’s something you absolutely have to read, but if you want to, then it’s worth your time.

adaptations: A TV show that’s still being made and a video game.

Zemsta by Aleksander Fredro

Language-wise, it is pure genius. Not too easy, though. The jokes, the phrases, the sayings — it is the base of common Polish language. Story-wise, it’s basically Polish Romeo and Juliet. Two families live in a castle and hate each other, a girl from one family is in love with a guy from the other family. We also get some more important side characters, they’re very nicely written, iconic even. The whole drama is hilarious, so yes I would calmly recommend it to people who are somewhat fluent in Polish.

adaptations: 2 movies (the one from 2002 being more popular).

Wiedźmin by Andrzej Sapkowski

I think it’s the definition of contemporary classic. It’s a series of short stories, later an actual book, later comics, and finally a movie and a video game. The book is about this witcher and a child of destiny who’s a witcher-in-training. The main character needs to protect her. The stories and comics, however — they’re obviously about the witcher, but I don’t know the details.

If I’m 100% frank, I have not read the stories, the book, the comics, nothing. So I can’t fully recommend it to you, but I can tell you this: everyone who’s into fantasy is crazy about it. I suppose if you like fantasy, Wiedźmin’s a must.

adaptations: A movie from 2001, a TV show from 2002, and a video game.

Solaris by Stanisław Lem

This one’s, on the other hand, is a must if you’re into sci-fi. It’s about contact: with aliens, other civilizations, the unknown — but it’s not specified, which actually makes the book so interesting.

It’s been translated into multiple languages, so I’d say it’s easy to get, and if you’re either into sci-fi or into modern Polish literature — do read it.

adaptations: 3 movies (in 2002 Soderbergh made it a movie, so I suppose it’s worth checking out, but I personally haven’t watched it).

Kamienie na szaniec by Aleksander Kamiński

A story of 3 boys who just graduated from high school when WW2 broke out. It’s an actual story of actual people and it is heartbreaking. If you want to read anything about the WW2 that isn’t very technical or boring, this book is definitely for you. It’s about normal lives in abnormal circumstances and you get very attached to the characters and their stories, and the book actually makes you feel things.

Would recommend.

adaptations: A movie from 1977 titled "Akcja pod Arsenałem", which is based on the book, and a movie from 2014 under the same title as the book, also only based on it.

Medaliony by Zofia Nałkowska

An omnibus of short stories about WW2. Very short, very shocking, sometimes even disgusting. The stories are about people who survived the war and they are actual things that actually happened. I don’t think I get appalled easily, but those are horrifying, really.

A good recommendation for someone who wants to learn about the more (or less) humane side of the war. I would actually say it’s a must if you want to at least begin to understand the tragedy that WW2 was.

And now we’re moving onto some more… mature books. Those are usually compulsory readings in middle school and high school, and to get what they’re about, you need to have some common knowledge. Nothing too specific, though. And there’s a lot to them that you can enjoy even if you don’t know much about general Polish culture and history, so I would say giving them a shot is definitely worth it. Plus, you can learn a lot if you’re a careful reader.

Lalka by Bolesław Prus

Hands down my favorite Polish book of all times. The best thing they made me read in school and I swear this book made the 12 years of tears and pain that I spent in school worth it. Long story short, it’s about a dude from quite a poor family and he becomes rich for an aristocrat he loves very, very deeply. But she’s a total bitch and uses him like an old rag. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t like romance but Lalka… I mean, the lengths he went for her, the things he did for her… I don’t want to spoil the book but it’s full of dramatic events, interesting characters, surprises, and most importantly — it’s absolutely exciting for the reader! It truly sucks you in. Not to mention the book in a phenomenal way shows how Polish society of the 1870s functioned and thought. And don’t even get me started on the psychology of single characters. I’ve read only a few books in my life that made me feel so passionate about their characters. Character-building-wise, Lalka is the peak of art.

If you want to read only one book from this list, this is the one.

adaptations: Tons of plays, a movie (1968) and a TV show (1978). Pretty accurate, but I personally didn’t like them.

Potop by Henryk Sienkiewicz

There’s a trilogy: Ogniem i mieczem, Potop, Pan Wołodyjowski — and they tell the history of Poland in the 17th century. For some reason, only Potop is considered an absolute must, but if I’m honest I didn’t read it, so I personally can’t recommend it to you. Potop itself is about a guy who wants to marry this girl but she thinks he betrayed the country, so he needs to clear his name by fighting by the king’s side. It sounds very fairy-tale-like, but the background is actual history and the author himself operates incredibly well with the real and the imaginary.

The thing with Sienkiewicz’s historical books is that they are pretty damn good, so even if you’re not too much into that kinda stuff but there’s a tiny part of curiosity in you, I don’t think it’s a mistake to check it out.

adaptations: A movie from 1974.

Krzyżacy by Henryk Sienkiewicz

Basically when Poland was all… under occupation and non-existent, Sienkiewicz wrote this book to bitch about Germanization, as well as to remind the Polish people about their country. The book is about the great times of Poland, from 1399 all the way to the greatest battle of 1410 when Poland kicked Prussia’s ass. But we also get some romance, some schemes, some awful deaths… The full set if you will. 

A lot of people say it’s a super ass boring book, but in my opinion, it’s absolutely fantastic. The details, the numerosity of threads (that somehow doesn’t confuse you at all), again the imaginary intwining with the real… I do recommend it not only to people who are into history, but to anyone looking for a good read that would explain a bit of Polish nature.

adaptations: A movie from 1960.

Quo vadis by Henryk Sienkiewicz

Honey is this one fantastic… It’s a story about a Christian girl in Nero’s Rome and a non-Christian guy who’s in love with her. Of course, at first it looks like a love story, which it is, but there’s so much to it. The book is a knockout of a description of what life was like in ancient Rome. Everything from history, through society, to things like the time of bathing of each social class — there’s everything. And, what’s even better, it’s not boring at all! Actually, the book is unbelievably well-balanced between eventful, not overwhelming, and detailed.

I would definitely, definitely recommend. It’s not exactly a must and if you want to read a Sienkiewicz historical book, then Krzyżacy or Potop would be a better idea since they’re about Poland, but Quo vadis would most definitely not be a waste of time.

adaptations: 6 movies (the one from 2001 is the most popular one), a TV show, and a ton of plays.

Ferdydurke by Witold Gombrowicz

A book you either love or hate. I personally love it, I’m kin with this book, whatever. While reading it, I agreed with every single sentence, with every single opinion, I felt like it was me who wrote it in my past life or something. Just. An. Extraordinary. Book. Remember when I said that Lalka was the reason why I didn’t hate school? It was, but Ferdydurke is the reason I’m alive, kids.

It’s about a 30-year-old man who’s a writer (kinda), but he can’t write. Suddenly, he turns into a kid and is forced to go to school again. That’s just the plot of the book, however, because the story is simple, absurd, inconsistent, weird, and you don’t really read the book for the story. It’s what the story stands for. It’s about how pointless society is. How society creates idiotic rules to standardize people and to take away any creativity or any will to live. How people need to protect themselves and their originality but they can’t because originality doesn’t exist. And our main character explores all those philosophies. It’s a fantastic criticism of society, school, systems, classes, life.

Language-wise, it’s also a very interesting book. Definitely not an easy one. Gombrowicz was the master of language, the words and phrases he came up with, the ideas he hid within them. The language of his books creates, not only describes, the world from the books. His language is a whole different, self-sufficient being. Rare, striking, awe-inspiring.

As I said, somewhat philosophical and very metaphorical. You need to feel from your very heart what Gombrowicz means to understand this book.

adaptations: A theater performance from 1985 that you can watch on Youtube and a movie from 1991. I wouldn’t recommend watching them, though.

Sklepy cynamonowe by Bruno Schulz

Weird, metaphorical, a bit… insane? I love it. It’s an omnibus of short stories that are a description of the adult world through a child’s eyes. It’s like a dream, it’s impossible, it’s very soft and delicate and magical, really. It’s unlike anything. You feel like you’re reading a description of some very sensual dream. The stories make you wonder about the way people think, the way childhood affects your future life, the way the world works, and they make you realize that you don’t understand anything ever. But if you’re not looking for a deeper meaning, you can read the stories just for pleasure because they are honestly so sensual, sexy (but not porny, more like seductive), fascinating, and just strange, you actually read the stories with all of your senses. Makes you enter a whole different world and I will not exaggerate when I say that it changes your perception of everything.

As I said, it’s unlike anything you’ll ever encounter in life. A million out of ten would recommend.

adaptations: There is a short film from 1986 based on one of the stories from the book. It’s called "Ulica krokodyli".

Cudzoziemka by Maria Kuncewiczowa

One of my top 10. It is a story of the last day of a woman’s life. She knows she’s dying and she knows that all of her life she was in pain. So she recalls her entire life, all the big decisions she ever made, to find the source of her misery and to escape reality. It is a very sad book, but rather that depress the reader, it makes you think. It’s a story about alienation — the main character lived in a foreign country, never got to do what she actually wanted to do, never got to be with whoever she wanted to be with, and so everything she did, everywhere she went, everyone she spent time with, she felt out of place. The book was revolutionary in terms of composition and it explored the main character’s psychology very deeply. A fascinating, thought-provoking, original book.

Definitely would recommend.

adaptations: A movie from 1986.

And finally, books for the strong, books for the advanced, books for the masters. To get these, you actually need some strong background knowledge on Polish history and culture, especially society- and politics-wise. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not bad, they’re just… demanding.

Granica by Zofia Nałkowska

It is about… uhh… society, morality and the lengths a person can go to achieve what they want. Sounds complicated and serious, and it sort of is, but it’s also totally worth your time because it doesn’t really tire you as much as you could think it would. And it’s thought-provoking as well. It’s about this dude who has a wife, a career, and a lover, and he basically ruins his life and the lives of everyone around him — which is quite exciting and somewhat frightening to read. So if you’re into ambitious, psychological stuff, then I say yes! Go for it.

adaptations: A movie from 1938.

Chłopi by Władysław Reymont

It’s basically a longass description of one year in Polish countryside in the late 19th/early 20th century. Personally, I think it shows and defines the society of that time extremely well and it surely is admirable that someone wrote almost a thousand pages describing in detail things such as preparing cabbage for dinner or collecting crops. Reymont actually won the Nobel prize for this book.

Would recommend if you’re not looking for anything too thrilling. Even though the book has some iconic moments like taking away Jagna on a wheelbarrow cause she was a slut…

adaptations: A movie from 1922 and a TV show, which was later turned into a movie, from 1972.

Przedwiośnie by Stefan Żeromski

A Polish family in Russia (actually in Azerbaijan but before WW1 it was Russia, so). They live awesome lives until WW1 breaks out and the father has to leave the family. Then, the son goes a little nuts and joins communists and then there’s a revolution, the son gets traumatized and he runs away to Poland (where he’d never been before) where he’s looking for a prosperous life that his father had promised him. And Poland had just regained independence, so everyone hopes that it will be the oasis of prosperity and well-being once it’s renovated. The book is about how hope and gullibility (but mostly hope) are heartlessly crushed by reality. It is also a story about growing up because we follow the main character all the way from his careless youth through his war-and-revolution trauma to a point where he has to decide about his future. But most importantly, I think, it’s a historically important story. It was written when Poland was a new country and it was supposed to remind people that communism is bad and politics, in general, is crap, as well as propose some political solutions for the new country. That’s the general message but there are lighter moments like descriptions of Polish countryside, a lot of flirting with pretty girls, and even a murder.

It’s a good story, it’s a deep story — but not too complicated. And it’s actually very interesting, and I can promise you it’s not as heavy as I made it sound.

10/10 would recommend.

adaptations: Two movies — one from 1928 and one from 2001.

Pan Tadeusz by Adam Mickiewicz

It’s an epic that describes life in the countryside in the 19th century. It was mainly written to remind Poles who had emigrated to France what a wonderful country Poland originally was, even though it was entirely under occupation, completely wiped off of any map. Naturally, everything there is presented through rose-colored glasses but still, if you’re looking for the classic of the classics, I suppose Pan Tadeusz is the book for you. If anyone wants to understand Polish literature, this book is a must.

Would I recommend? Sure if you’re here to sink in Polish culture or if you like quite full of adventure and yet easy reading. Easy as in the story’s nice and pleasant, the language is rather tedious.

adaptations: A surprisingly good and accurate movie from 1999. And the script is actually the text of the epic.

Dziady by Adam Mickiewicz

I think every Polish student hates Dziady. I didn’t, though. It’s a drama, actually, there are 4 parts of the drama, the last one not quite finished. I think the problem with Dziady is that no one really knows what it’s about. It was written in the mid 19th century, so again — Poland’s out of every map. The tzar is a bitch and Adam Mickiewicz disses him in the wildest of ways, but it doesn’t make sense until someone explains it to you. If you asked me what Dziady were about, in my opinion, all 4 parts are about love. Love for your country, love for your lover, love for yourself, love for other people, love for your family — all possible kinds of love. Sounds nice, right? That’s because it is nice. The problem with Dziady is that if you don’t delve deep into it, you won’t get it at all. The words as you read seem just like random words in a random order, no point whatsoever, skipping from topic to topic, all four parts at first seem completely unrelated. But the deeper you dig, the more you see. It is a very rich drama, there’s something in it for literally everyone, but it requires a ton of commitment and probably someone to guide you well through it.

Add it to my recommendations only if you are desperate to read it and if you have all the things above, aka time, commitment, and help. And language skills. The 2nd part, however, is short and it’s the easiest one, so do check it out.

adaptations: "Lawa" from 1989 is based on the second (which, in order, is the first) part of Dziady.

Wesele by Stanisław Wyspiański

It is such a deep drama that you just don’t get it. Kind of like with Dziady, except this one is waaay shorter and basically just disses everyone. In Dziady, the main character’s idea to show people love was to take control of them. Wesele, however, was about motivating people to do stuff by offending them.

Personally, Wesele is one of my favorites because it is just so problematic. Wyspiański attended a wedding in 1900 and then described it. Each guest in the drama (and at the actual wedding) represented an attitude that the general of Polish society had towards the country’s situation (occupation). And after 105 years of occupation, it seemed that the society didn’t really care anymore and just accepted their fate. Wyspiański was very much against that attitude. So basically what he did was he publicly washed the society’s dirty linen by pinning it onto his real-life friends. When Wesele premiered, people were actually chasing Wyspiański down the streets because they hated him so much. Not to mention that in the drama the whole offending thing is actually pretty profound and harsh. So much so that actual real-life guests weren’t enough for him — Wyspiański needed to introduce ghosts from the past, people who played an important role in Poland’s history. Of course, that was the author’s idea of motivating people to fight for their freedom.

The drama is full of references to Polish literature, Polish culture, and Polish history, so unless you’re fluent in these three, I wouldn’t tell you to read it.

I love Wesele with all my heart. If you want to give it a shot, instead of reading the actual drama, I’d suggest reading the story behind it and the summary and interpretations. This way you can enjoy it, which I think anyone should, without knowing much of the background. If I’m honest, you can’t really get much out of the drama itself. But I definitely recommend spending some time on this book, it’s definitely worth it.

adaptations: From 1973, it’s pretty good and quite accurate, but just a bit tiring.

Szewcy by Witkacy

Oh boy. A grotesque, modernist drama about the future of society, where the author basically talks about how people are doomed and headed for inevitable self-destruction. There’s a lot about how mechanic and inhumane people have become and of course tons of criticism towards society, revolution, capitalism, communism, and fascism.

I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t recommend because I didn’t really understand the language. It was a pain in the ass reading this book and if I had read it earlier in life, I assure you that W pustyni i w puszczy wouldn’t be the only book that made me cry from pain.

adaptations: Tons of theater performances that you can watch on Youtube.

Tango by Stanisław Mrożek

It’s a drama about generation gap and some ideas to live by (like conformism or anarchy). Sounds complex, but it actually keeps it very simple and short, a kid would get it, really, and yet the story actually stays with you. It also makes you wonder about a place and meaning of an intellectualist in society. Not to mention the hilarious and absurd situations like convincing your grandma to just die already.

Personally, I enjoyed it. Even though it’s about quite serious stuff, it’s hilarious, so you do read it with pleasure.

adaptations: There are multiple theater performances available to watch on Youtube.

Balladyna by Juliusz Słowacki

The main idea behind the drama is how good and evil both function simultaneously in this world and the fight between the two. A nymph sends a prince to the main character’s house. The main character wants to marry the prince, so she does a lot of awful things. Basically. It’s a nice story, though strange. A story that you would read to a child, except the language of the drama is… complicated. Let’s be honest — it’s Romanticism after all.

I would recommend it, but I wouldn’t die to make someone read it.

adaptations: There is this absolutely awful movie from 2009 (English title: The Bait). It’s loosely based on Balladyna.

Kordian by Juliusz Słowacki

It’s about this guy who plans to kill the tzar. There was a deeper meaning too but don’t ask me about it, I just don’t remember. To be honest, it was surprisingly pleasant to read and sometimes quite funny (I don’t think it was supposed to be, though). But I wouldn’t recommend it unless you know a whole lot about Polish history and culture — or unless you’re dangerously interested in it. And I mean like, you’d kill and die for it.

Nie-Boska komedia by Zygmunt Krasiński

To be honest, it’s a weirdly good story and what surprises me most about it is that it’s actually understandable, even though it’s quite a typical romantic drama. Interesting, huh… 

It’s about a man who is looking for his artistic self, leaves his family to pursue his art, and then there’s him trying to protect his country. It was actually written to criticize this romantic way of thinking and living, so there are a few moments where the author just dissed other authors of the time, but most importantly, the story is a comment on the current (current for them) political and sociological events, as well as religion, and a way for Krasiński to express his opinions.

Recommend? Meh. It’s a good read but it’s not a must and you gotta be in a mood for it. Also, a solid historical and literary background would make the reading way easier.

My advice if you’re planning on reading any of these? Check the time period of the action. I swear if you do that and you pretty much can tell what the background for Poland was at the time, even just like one basic piece of information, it will make reading the book possible.

I think that’s about it. There are hundreds of other great Polish books that I can go on and on about (I can also talk about these for at least a few hours), so again -- if you have any questions, opinions, requests, anything, ask away.

[falllpoutboy]

TONYNAT PART 2 N O W!!! Expand on those thoughts! 😂 (Bonus points if you give me post civil war angst!)

ok so natasha and tony carpooling to the berlin joint counter terrorist center just like “get in loser, we’re arresting steve” and they take sharon w them because they are all staying at the same hotel and tony and sharon are totally cousins this is canon bye 

“please tell me you bought a suit” “sure did. its a lovely tom ford, two piece, three button-” because of course he doesn’t have a fully functional suit the one time a Winter Soldier is on a rampage, one of his many suits are nowhere to be found. 

ross gives them the unsuitable and untimely 36 hour ultimatum of bringing in steve, sam and james or else they will be shot on sight and she can see it weighs heavily on him and he sees it on her face too. “you alright?” shes asks him (even though she knows hes not) because when was the last time someones asked tony that? hes got darker circles under his eyes and hasn’t mentioned pepper once she hasn’t seen him this vulnerable since right before his last would be birthday party. tony appreciates her hand on his shoulder and her concern because hes been trying not to let on how much this has all been affecting him but nat as usual sees past his mask and doesn’t judge him for it. 

she recruits t’challa and he recruits a 15 year old kid to aid in the arrest and shes shocked at first but then this so called “Spider-Man” shows her a video of him stopping a speeding car in the middle of traffic and her worries quickly die down.

nat listens in on the initial argument between tony and steve and she knows steve well enough to know that he’s not gonna go down easily so after she comes to after having being knocked out by wanda, she gets to the hangar before anyone and waits by the quinjet to let them through.

it’s a blur afterwards, with tony getting rhodey on the ambulance to the hospital, vision arresting the opposing team to the german police and natasha takes it upon herself to deliver spider-man to happy, who was waiting outside of the airport, bc the kid was too young to be involved in this anyways. temporarily evading t’challa and ross, she changes and prepares herself to check up on tony and rhodey.

tony can barely wrap his head around it all. rhodey’s paralization put him on a one track mindset but when he sees natasha standing there, he’s instantly reminded of her betrayal but manages to hold it together to tell her about rhodey’s diagnosis. 

“steve’s not gonna stop. if you don’t stop either, rhodey’s gonna be the best case scenario.”

tony instantly retorts back with the fact that she let them go but natasha insists that they played this wrong.

he starts to let his anger and feeling of helplessness over the situation embitter and before he can stop himself he accuses her of being a double agent. (he instantly regrets those words coming from his mouth but he refuses to show weakness to someone who’s betrayed him)

natasha registers his words and fine, if he’s gonna hit her where it hurts, she can do just the same. “are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?” (in the back of her mind, she knows it’s not fair to fling the one thing tony is constantly mistaken for in his face but she just didn’t think it would matter to him in the moment)

letting her words sink in, tony knows the damage has been done and they don’t have the time to even try to salvage what they had going on because she should be trying to get a move on now. warning her about them coming for her is like a half-assed olive branch at this point.

“i’m not the one that needs to watch their back” natasha says whilst getting one last good look on his face before the hurt undoubtedly sets in and then turning away, away from his stare of broken promises and a potential future of fixing anything that had transpired. 

(two months later, nat, steve and sam are holed away in a motel in barcelona and when sam spots tony and pepper on bbc, having just announced their engagement to the world, she’s glad he was able to get his life back on track and wonders if she can sneak her way into the wedding, if only to see him happy one more time.)

i absolutely hated how the russo bros and markus and mcfeely handled their confrontation scene. what the fuck does tony’s ego have anything to do with natasha making the decision in letting them go. we could have had natasha go through actual character growth, but nah they only utilize her to be a plot device. 

[thewildgroves-blog]

This is one of the only parks in the entire system that Brady had been to before and I hadn’t. And dang, I don’t even know why we never went there as a family because it is… wow, it is something else. I’ve tried in the days since we visited to describe it to people, and I end up with a lot of long pauses while I search for words adequate to describe it. I generally fail in that search, as words just simply aren’t enough- nothing is enough, honestly, even pictures- to describe the dizzingly massive, stunningly gorgeous, incredibly superb space that is Carlsbad Caverns.

We’ve had several friends who have visited the Caverns attempt describe it to us, and I admit that I thought, “it’s just a cave. I’m sure it’s cool, but is it really THAT cool?” The answer is yes. It is that cool. I’m not even afraid to over-hype this place, because it cannot be over-hyped. I regularly stopped dead in my tracks to exclaim some sort of sentiment of awe and disbelief. It really is simply amazing.

We arrived on Friday in the late morning to do the Natural Entrance/Big Room self-guided tours. I think this was the perfect way to do it, as we had ranger tours on Saturday (which were EXCELLENT, we’ll get to those) and doing the cave at our own pace first allowed us to really take our time to revel and wonder and absorb the magnificence of the cave, while also allowing us to later focus on more fully on the ranger tours the next day without feeling like, “Oh, dang, I want to go check that other place out!” This is definitely the way I would recommend doing it if you have multiple days. If you don’t, get to the park EARLY and do the self-guided tours first and then later ranger tours. Prioritize the cave over the visitors center, as the cave closes before the visitors center.

From essentially the first steps into the natural entrance, I was left in complete awe of how absolutely massive this cave is. We missed the bats by a few months (don’t worry, we’re going back), but imagining them streaming out of that cave opening was pretty intense.

That opening looks small… it betrays the mass of the cave lurking below.

I know, it’s grainy and blurry and terrible and I shouldn’t have even posted this… but this gives you just the tiniest taste of the size and steepness of the Natural Entrance. See the wee people at the top?

“I have to duck a lot more now than I did the first time I was here…” (Over 20 years ago… he’s grown a bit.)

This is the Boneyard, which is oddly free of any decoration, but is an excellent example of how the rocks had different levels of porousness which were more or less easily dissolved by the carbonic acid that formed the cavern.

After the Natural Entrance, we made it to the Big Room, which is the largest limestone cavern by volume in North America. It is absolutely massive. Just off of the Big Room is a lunchroom and restrooms, which is admittedly a super weird experience. I felt like I needed a PipBoy and a vault suit!

This kind of ceiling is my favorite. I’m not sure why, because it’s honestly kind of creepy looking (like a giant slavering poisonous monster mouth), but it’s just fascinating to me to see such dense formations on the ceiling.

This ladder was used by the 1925 National Geographic expedition that essentially put Carlsbad “on the map.” It descends 90 feet into the Lower Cave… and gets a big old “hell naw” from me.

This part of the cave was really interesting- there was a cave in (you can see the remnants of what was once the ceiling strewn about the floor), so the ceiling and floor are both essentially void of formations. It’s crazy to imagine that underneath that rock is likely thousands (or even millions) of carefully formed stalactites and stalagmites, built up over millions of years and destroyed in an instant.

Mirror Lake… which needs a more well-angled sign, if you ask me.

It’s so interesting to me how gorgeous these formations are, while also being essentially devoid of color- it goes to show that you truly can create beauty even with a limited palette.

After reveling in the cave for hours (and yes, there was the expected amount of stopping and exclaiming “this is so insane/gorgeous/cool/unbelievable!”), we headed back up to the surface as the cave was closing to peruse the visitor center, and do the Walnut Canyon scenic drive- which was totally worth it.

I won’t lie, I really loved this car.

Alllll of the posing animals this trip. Look at those little nubbies!

There really is a lot more to Carlsbad than just the Caverns!

After finishing our drive and heading out of the park, we headed into Carlsbad to have dinner at the No Whiner Diner- and it was excellent! We randomly found it thanks to TripAdvisor, and we weren’t disappointed. Supporting little local businesses is one of the things we really enjoy about visiting national parks, and the No Whiner Diner was a great little insight into Carlsbad. Their specialty was prime rib, and it was crazy inexpensive for how good it was! The atmosphere was fun, the portions were great, and the food was delicious.

The next morning we headed back to the park to hop on to the first of our two ranger-guided tours- King’s Palace. And let me just say, it was hands down the best ranger tour I have ever been on in my entire life. I know that ranger tours can be “just alright” or “mind-blowing” depending on the ranger, but holy guacamole, people. Our ranger, Ranger Leah, might just be the best ranger in the entire NPS. She was just the right amount of energetic and fun without being silly, and the way she wove the story of the cave into a message of conservation and also really deep emotional themes was absolutely masterful. It never felt contrived, or forced, but I found myself crying multiple times (you’re shocked, I know). It was such a magical, incredible, and life-changing experience that I even wrote her a letter after we got home.

In the year following Sadie’s death and leading up to this trip, I had been seriously struggling. I felt like I was going through life on autopilot. I had been feeling especially bad about my photography (and wasn’t feeling too jazzed about my writing, either), which from a blogging standpoint was debilitating. I couldn’t even look at my photos- something which had previously brought me a fair amount of joy, and pride- without thinking they were trash, much less take the time to edit them to make them blog worthy. But something about the words Ranger Leah spoke deep in that cave stirred my soul back to life. As we sat in complete darkness in the belly of the earth, she talked about the light that we each have within ourselves, and how, when the world is bright and full of light, our light can seem insignificant and worthless. But in the darkness, even the smallest light can show us the way to beauty, and safety. I know that I can’t even do it any justice, but something about that experience caused a shift in my life that I will never forget.

The King’s Palace. Just incredible.

The stalactite in this photo is called The Guillotine, and it hangs over the stalagmites known as The Court. Do they look afraid of being beheaded?

The King and Queen in their Eternal Kiss (though they’re actually not quite touching).

Ranger Leah, talking about the National Park Service and making me feel all sorts of emotions.

The Eternal Kiss up close.

This is called The Veiled Statue – super accurate name, I think!

After King’s Palace, we headed back up to the surface for lunch and a little bit of gift shopping and visitor center browsing before our next tour – Left Hand Tunnel. I was super excited for this tour because it’s entirely lit by LANTERNS. That’s right- handheld, candle-powered glass lanterns. It was authentic and epic and highly recommended. The Left Hand Tunnel is not as highly decorated or detailed as the rest of the cave, but the experience of having your way lit by lights that you carry yourself is really neat.

We got berated to “pick up the pace” while taking this… ooops. I felt a little bad, but it was the end of the tour and we walk fast enough that we quickly caught back up to the group. Of course, the ranger was just doing her job, but I still feel a bit guilty.

After our epic tour had concluded, we headed out of the park to take our last sign photo of the trip. We laughed a little, because as we were taking the photo we watched a couple drive past, flip a u-turn, and come take their own photo before turning back around and leaving. I always think it’s kind of funny that people don’t seem to think it’s a good idea until they see someone else doing it- that exact scenario is a somewhat common experience for us. I’m glad that we can at least inspire the capturing of some memories for others.

Coolest stamp ever, am I right?

Our Carlsbad Caverns National Park “Must-Do”: 

Dang, this is a hard one. We liked everything so much and both of the guided tours we did were so epic! However, I think if I had to pick one, I would say Natural Entrance + Big Room self-guided tour is the absolute must.

25/59 |Carlsbad Caverns National Park | 02.16-18.18 This is one of the only parks in the entire system that Brady had been to before and I hadn't.