#and because she did not want to learn to line wrap in excel

[fierce-little-miana]

Me* spends a lot of time creating an excel sheet that reuses the exact same layout as my colleague excel sheet (so you can copy past data from one sheet to the other) while making it more esthetically appealing, making sure there are no weird cell division, making sure the conditioning are done properly,and adding extra colones at the end for new data relevant for other users.

My colleague: it wasn’t practical for me to use so I deleted it (!) and created a new one without any kind of formatting, conditioning and without the extra colones for the other users.

Me:

[mcuamerica]

The Shadowsinger: Sixteen

Warnings: 18+. Minors DNI. SMUT (oral m! and f! rec, size kink it's the wingspan, slight praise kink), ACOTAR series spoilers. If I forgot anything, please let me know!

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Azriel visits you in Windhaven.

Disclaimer: I do not own SJM’s characters or plot lines, only the ones I create for the purpose of this story. This is a work of fiction. I do not give permission to repost my work on any other platform or medium. Please be respectful.

My graphics are my own. If you wish to use them, please give credit!

Series Masterlist

Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen

Turns out using a Siphon was harder than it looked. But it was too dangerous to use your power without one. So, you stood in a training ring for the next week with Cassian or one of the Illyrian commanders, trying to conjure a sword. The closest you got was a wooden staff. Most of the time you just got small sticks in your hand that somewhat resembled stakes. 

You could put up a shield if you focused enough. But that was the best you were doing. It drained most of your power. Once the week was up, you were almost willing to quit when you finally made a dagger appear in your hand. And then a shield. And then a sword. 

You hadn’t seen much of Azriel. But he was there when you came back to Windhaven and watched you train for the rest of the day before he left. Rhys needed him out to question the Attor, after he tried to take Feyre in the mortal lands. You gave Rhys a long lecture about putting his mate in danger like that. But from what he told you, she also was pissed at him for it. 

Feyre was starting to do good in Velaris, you learned. She asked Cassian if he could train her. You were tempted to abandon your post at Windhaven and go train with her. You wanted to be around her. Needed to know that she was okay, she was doing well. And maybe you could even push her in the right direction for Rhys. But you couldn’t leave Windhaven. Not when you were just a couple more levels away from being able to try the Blood Rite qualifying course. 

Az told you he hated the idea of you going to the Blood Rite. He said that he knew you could do it, especially with how much you were excelling. But he also said that it was brutal. And you could very well die. 

But you had to prove to the Illyrians that you could do it. A female of this day and age could complete the Blood Rite. Maybe even as a Carynthian. But you know that the males who have that title have it because they were together, they were allies. Even if you qualified for the Rite, you didn’t have any friends that would be with you. It would be only you. And maybe a few males would pity you and not kill you, but you knew that’s the closest to allyship you were going to get. So you promised Az that if you did make it to the Blood Rite, your first priority was to stay alive. To survive. And then maybe if you could get to the mountain, you could be classed as Oristian. And from there, well it would only be your will that would make you climb the mountain. But maybe you would try. If you even qualified. 

Another week passed and you were getting used to using your Siphon. Since the training Siphon didn’t break, you learned Rhys was having an official one fashioned for you. Your power wasn’t as strong as you would have hoped, but you still felt an accomplishment knowing that you got a Siphon. No female you knew ever received one. This only proved that females were capable of killing power, and somehow it was suppressed enough to not manifest. 

It was the last night of the week, and you decided to spend it curled up near the fire, reading all night until you fell asleep. That was until you saw Azriel standing in the kitchen, chopping some sort of vegetables. “Az!” You said happily, dropping your jacket to the side. 

He turned around slowly, a smile on his face. “Hello, sweetheart.” He said. You bounded over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“You and Cass have been ignoring me.” You whispered, sinking into him as his arms wrapped around your lower back, careful to avoid your wings. It felt so right to be with him. In his arms. And his scent was intoxicating. This was how it was supposed to be. 

“Not ignoring, sweetheart, we’ve just been busy. And Cassian needs to train Feyre.” He said, pulling back slowly. 

Azriel raised his hand to push back a strand of hair that fell from your braid, smiling as he looked at you. “You are beautiful.” He whispered. 

Your core heated as you stared into his eyes. The flecks of green standing out against the fire. “I’ve missed you.” You whispered, your hands trailing up to tangle in his hair. “I think I still owe you from the other night.” You murmured as you leaned up, kissing him deeply. You tugged on his hair, slowly backing him up against the kitchen counter. 

He melted into the kiss, opening his mouth as you trailed your tongue on his bottom lip. You couldn’t get enough of him. What you would give to taste him right now! You groaned and removed your hands from his hair, moving them to his pants as you unbuckled the belt he had on. You silently asked your shadows to keep his hands from stopping you. 

You kissed him once more before pulling away, looking into his eyes. “Is this okay?” You asked. 

He smirked, gripping your waist and squeezing. “It’s more than okay.” He whispered. You groaned and leaned up, kissing him again as you shoved his pants off. You pulled away, slowly kneeling before him. You palmed him through his underwear, your mouth watering at how hard he grew. The length and girth you could feel beneath you had you pulling down the fabric. 

You didn’t hide your surprise as his length sprung free. Gods… could you ever take all of him in your mouth? Certainly not. But you would do your best to please him. Another challenge you were willing to take on. Literally. 

“Like what you see, sweetheart?” He asked, his hands tangling in your hair, causing more strands to fall free from your braids. 

“You’re huge, Az.” You whispered, slowly lifting your hand to squeeze his shaft. Your fingers weren’t even touching. You felt your core heat at the thought of him inside of you, clenching around nothing. 

“Fuck, (Y/N),” he growled, tugging at your hair when you slowly wrapped your mouth around his tip, easing your way down. You kept your hand on his base, squeezing and twisting slightly to compensate for what you couldn’t fit in his mouth. Your other hand reached and rubbed on his balls, slightly gagging when he bucked his hips. “That’s it, sweetheart. Gods you look so good right now.” He said, gently guiding your head further into his cock. 

You whimpered at the praise, the vibration sending his cock further down your throat as he bucked again. You hummed again, slightly grazing your teeth against him as you squeezed harder. You could tell that he liked it by the way he twitched in your mouth, his hands gripping your hair. 

Just a few more pumps and he was spilling into your mouth. You slowly pulled away, swallowing everything he gave you. You stood up, your legs a little weak from the thought of him. You watched as he caught his breath, and then pulled you close to him before his mouth was on yours. 

It didn’t take long for him to turn you around, hoisting you up on the counter. He returned the favor, bringing you to your climax twice with nothing but his tongue and fingers. 

If this was to be your life, you would gladly live it out with him. Here, in Windhaven. Or in the House. Or in the middle of the Illyrian mountains if that’s what he wanted.

You had a long way to go on your own healing, but being with him… this is how you wanted to spend your life. It still just felt so right. Like the Mother wanted it to be this way.

Azriel cleaned both of you up, steadying you as he set you down on the floor. You leaned up, placing a sweet kiss on his lips. “Will you stay tonight?” You asked, suddenly worried that he only came for some sort of release. While it was flattering, you didn’t want him to just leave. You wanted to spend the whole night talking with him, in his arms by the fire. You felt so safe and protected with him, even if you knew you were capable of protecting yourself. There was something about him that made you okay with him defending you if he had to. And you knew, deep down, if you needed to protect him, you would stop at nothing for it. 

“Before you came in, I was cooking dinner.” He said and kissed your temple before turning around. “If you want to wash up, you can. I started a bath. Hopefully it’s still warm.” He said, a side smile coming to his lips as you pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’ll be down soon.” You said, taking a sip from your water canteen before you bounded up the stairs. You didn’t particularly want to wash his scent from you, but you had been sweating all day. And even more from your escapade a few minutes ago. So, you dipped in the bath, washing yourself with the lilac scented bar on the shelf. 

When you finished, you slipped on a pair of loose fitting pants and a large sweater from one of the drawers. From the faint scent of it, you figured it was one of the boys. Maybe Cassian, if you detected it correctly. 

You made your way down the stairs, smiling as the dining table was set and the meal finished. “Did you learn to cook from Nuala and Cerridwen?” You asked, sitting down across from him. As much as you wanted to sit on his lap, you had to have some semblance of control. 

“Hmm.. I did used to live on my own, you know. One learns how to make food to survive.” He joked. 

You laughed quietly, grabbing a fork to dig into the food. It smelled delicious and you were starving. Not to mention the food at the Windhaven mess hall never really satiated any need other than basic hunger. Lots of protein and carbs before and after a long day of training. Maybe you’d have to join the Inner Circle’s family dinner at the end of the week next week just to get tasteful food again. 

“Don’t you normally have dinner with Rhys and them tonight?” You asked. 

“Yes, but I figured you could use some company. Especially since Cassian hasn’t been here to train you.” He said, resisting the urge to reach across the table and take your hand in his. While you both clearly liked each other, he didn’t want to overstep a boundary. He wasn’t sure what you two would be classified as right now. But he knew that if he saw you with another male… you were wearing Cassian’s sweater. His hand clenched to a fist.

“Az?” You asked after swallowing another bite of the roast. You noticed his change in demeanor. He went from light and happy to almost angry. “Is everything okay?” You asked, tilting your head as your shadows whispered in your ear, “He’s upset.” You almost rolled your eyes. You could see that. You waved them away, looking at his fist clenched on the table. You reached over, setting your hand on top of his. “Azriel…”

He looked down to your hands, slowly relaxing. His fist unclenched, and interlocked his fingers with yours. This is how it should be. You with him… and him with you. It felt so right.

A/N: Her and Az are getting closer!

Comments/Request Here

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[colferpics]

SNL: How Chris Colfer Ended Up on "What's Up With That?"

Article below the cut:

Sit down and take a big, mental Ooooo weeeee — it’s not like Diondre Cole will let you get a word in anyway. Chris Colfer learned this in spectacularly amusing fashion while appearing on the seventh edition of Saturday Night Live’s recurring “What Up With That?” sketch, which found the Gleeactor sandwiched between a real Paul Simon and fake Lindsey Buckingham. (The latter of whom, as always, cut his family vacation short to be there.) Teased as part of “a salute to music greats” on the show’s May 14, 2011, episode, Colfer had the honor of fulfilling the essential duties of the middle chair: silently tolerating the absurdity of how Diondre (Kenan Thompson) runs his made-for-BET program, as the host would rather disrupt his guests with elaborate song-and-dance routines than actually let them talk. While the first guest tends to get a sentence or two in — Simon briefly hypes up his new album — the second is often relegated to reaction shots while a Narnia wardrobe full of characters such as, say, “the bad boy of bluegrass” Captain Sexy Banjo and the real Buckingham materialize out of nowhere. If you’re overthinking it, just stop. “What Up With That?” was not intended for analysis.

Colfer, who had recently wrapped Glee’s phenomena of a second season, was at the right place at the right time for SNL to think of him for the cameo. Plans were canceled. Excitement ran high. It all went live in 36 hours. And he didn’t care that he had nothing to do besides cross his legs. “It’s such a special memory for me. Being a microscopic spot of SNL history is the ultimate bragging right,” he says now. “If anyone ever tries to one-up me at a party, I whip that one out, and I usually win the conversation.”

How exactly was this sketch presented to you? Were you aware that it had already become a recurring and well-oiled SNL staple of sorts? Yeah, I was. I’ve always been a huge fan of SNL, so I was familiar with the sketch and I thought it was hilarious. I was in New York City, and I had just done a live interview. I did so many interviews at the time for Glee that I can’t even remember who it was for. My publicist and I were walking down, like, 47th or 48th Street afterward, and she got a random call. It was Friday afternoon. One of SNL’s bookers had just seen me on live television and asked if I was still in the city. They said, “Can he do a cameo in tomorrow night’s episode?”And I responded, “Hell yes, absolutely.” No joke: They asked me to come in for a rehearsal immediately. So we had to clear the rest of my afternoon and went straight to Rockefeller Center. It was the easiest rehearsal I’ve ever done, because I didn’t have to do anything. I just had to sit there and be quiet. Then I went in the next day, and we did the dress rehearsal and then we did the live taping. It was magical.

Did you instinctively understand the humor? I mean, when I tell friends about my love of “What Up With That?”, what comes out of my mouth is jumbled nonsense about BET and a fake Lindsey Buckingham. It’s not the easiest thing to wrap a mind around. I did. I remember on Saturday, in between the rehearsal and the live taping, the writers came to my dressing room and said, “We want to give you a line. Let’s try this out.” And I responded, “Absolutely not. You cannot give me a line. It’s way funnier if I’m just there and I don’t say anything.” And they looked at me and said, “Well, you’re the first guest to ever say that, and thank God, because we agree.”

An excellent instinct. I can’t remember what the specific line was, but I was going to say something at the very end, and Kenan’s character was going to cut me off. But we all agreed it was funnier if I didn’t even try to talk.

So you sit down for the dress rehearsal, look to your left, and there’s Paul Simon in the chair. What was your opening line to him? It was a complete secret who was in those seats until I showed up at that rehearsal. They didn’t tell me any details until I actually arrived in the studio — I had to be escorted right on the stage to my seat. I didn’t even have a script. Well, I didn’t need one, of course, because I wasn’t saying anything. And then I turned to my left and it’s Paul Simon. And then I turned to my right, and it’s Lindsey Buckingham waiting in the wings of the set. How the heck did I get here? I couldn’t say anything. I froze. I remember thinking at that moment, Chris, do not ask any questions about Stevie Nicks or Carrie Fisher. I had to repeat that to myself over and over and over again in my head. Paul Simon probably thought I was a seat filler.

So you didn’t ask if he was a Gleek? Oh God, no. I never assume anyone knows who I am or knows where I’m from.

Was there a sense of nerves on your end before the live taping began? It’s funny, because this required the least amount of effort on my part, but I was still extremely nervous. I was nervous that I would trip on the way there. But more so than nerves, it’s just that that show is pure adrenaline. It’s chaos, but it’s organized chaos. Everyone knows exactly what they’re doing, but it’s absolutely what you would imagine: People running back and forth in the hallways, carrying props and costumes and set pieces. It was really, really neat. I still have my little Chris Colfer plaque for my dressing room.

Where do you keep it?I have an awards case, so it’s on display there. It was a gift.

For me, at least, the best part of the sketch is all of the wordless expressions taking in the absurdity of everything. Do you remember how the writers wanted you to react to certain beats? The direction that the three of us were given was: “You’re on the show with this lunatic who doesn’t let his guests talk. Look as annoyed and out of place as possible.” So that seems easy, in theory, but the hardest part was not laughing my ass off. There’s one particular moment, when Kristen Wiig does this little hoedown in the middle of the sketch while a banjo plays. Everyone in the audience was falling to pieces, and I was looking at the ceiling so I wouldn’t join them. I got to release some of the joy in that moment.

The lineage of “middle seat” people includes Mindy Kaling, Ernest Borgnine, Carrie Brownstein, Robin Williams, and Jack McBrayer. Do you see any connective tissue among you all? I feel like I would just be flattering myself trying to make a connection, so instead I’ll say we all just happened to be free at the right time and have a good sense of humor.

Who do you think would be uniquely qualified to portray a fake Chris Colfer? The only person I know who could do it is Marcia Gay Harden — with a good wig. Years ago, they were going to do an episode of Glee where something happened at McKinley High School. There was going to be this big, fake movie made about it. So we were all casting ourselves on who would play our characters in this fake movie. They had Glenn Close playing Sue Sylvester and Justin Timberlake as Matthew Morrison. So I said, “Well, Marcia Gay Harden has to play me.” It was a big joke. Unfortunately, the episode didn’t happen, but they were thinking about actually making it.

Did you go to the SNL after-party in celebration of the episode? Yes, I did, and I got to chat with Lorne Michaels for a little bit. It’s really hard to make small talk with someone with that kind of résumé. You don’t want to ask the wrong question, and you don’t want to seem like you’re too big of a fan. But I couldn’t help myself. I asked about the history of the show, his favorite sketches, and the sketches he regretted. He was very kind and open to answering everything. He did tell me I’d be back on, so I’ll hold him to it one day.

Have you ever cut a family vacation short to do a talk show? I’m sure I have. I’ve cut family vacations short for much, much less, too.

[boybandposter]

[Headcanons]

⤷𐙚 featuring: Norah 🤍

⤷𐙚 This was a request ! Thank you anon for the recommendation, and I hope you like it ! ♥︎

⤷𐙚 WLW ♥︎ slightly suggestive for at least one point !

♡₊˚ 🌊・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

- Before getting into a romantic relationship with Norah, it took you ages to even be considered a friend. With her naturally shy and reserved personality, you had to work hard to get to know her.

- Norah always knew when you would come to find her, and even though she claimed she didn’t care, Norah would always discreetly check if you were anywhere in her line of sight.

- After Norah opened up to you about her past and her struggles, you two were nearly inseparable. You often found yourself with Norah on the Estero Harbor, helping her with her music and swimming for hours.

- Obviously, it was you who confessed your love to Norah first. Despite her change in personality in your presence, she was still painfully shy in certain situations, confessing being one of them. But when you asked to be Norah’s girlfriend, she was nearly jumping for joy. In your years of knowing her, you don’t think you’ve ever gotten such a large reaction from her, and you two still laugh about how embarrassed she was after getting so excited.

- In the early stages of your relationship, it almost felt like she went back to being quiet and shy. Norah just didn’t want to mess anything up with you, so she often nodded her head and agreed with what you were saying.

- One thing that’s certain in your relationship is that you have to comfort her. Please make sure to be there for her, offer her small words of assurance and appreciation. Norah won’t ever admit how much she looks forward to your praises and compliments— although she doesn’t need to say anything. You can just tell.

- Due to Norah’s hearing disability, you’ll often find her without her hearing aid while she’s home alone. The first few times you noticed this, you would walk up from behind her and hug her waist to get her attention. This has earned you a few slaps across your face, and it always ended with Norah apologizing profusely and kissing your cheek softly, tears slowly forming in her eyes from the worry of upsetting you.

- You’re Norah’s only muse, and almost anything she writes circles back to her love for you. Once a month, Norah will take you to the harbor to show you her new song for you. The first few times she was going to perform for you, she ended up backing out and told you it wasn’t ready yet (she felt silly professing her love through song since she’s never really done so before).

- If you know how to braid, Norah is the perfect person to practice and learn new styles with. Norah was against it at first, since she’s never really had it pulled away from her face. With some adamant convincing, Norah let you braid her hair whenever you wanted (she felt bad saying no in the first place). The first time you styled her hair, she was shocked at how well you did so and how much she actually liked it. And it was such a shame to let such beautiful hair remain so plain at times, but her favorite is when you do elvish braids due to their intricate weavings.

- After being together for a while, Norah worked up the courage to ask you to take a bath with her. Of course, you said yes, especially since she never asked for things like this. It was almost scenic— candles flickering in the dimly lit room, soft music playing as you two undressed and got into the bath. You were fine the whole time, making small talk here and there while your arms were wrapped loosely around her waist. Meanwhile, Norah thought she was going to pass out because of how nervous she was. Even though you had seen her naked before, this felt completely different than other times, and told herself she wouldn’t do this again (she was lying to herself and asked you frequently to bathe with her).

- I feel like she would try to teach you how to play the harp. Even if you excel at it or not, she’s always there giving pointers as you pluck the strings messily. Even though you may not understand what she’s saying, Norah is as patient as they come.

♡₊˚ 🌊・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

⤷𐙚 author’s note: I might edit this to put more in, but I didn’t finish the full “Sea and Song” event—

[actingjunkie]

Paul Simon Probably Thought I Was a Seat Filler’

By Devon Ivie, a staff writer covering classic rock and TV

“The direction that the three of us were given was: ‘You’re on the show with this lunatic who doesn’t let his guests talk. Look as annoyed and out of place as possible.’” Photo: Saturday Night Live via YouTube

Sit down and take a big, mental Ooooo weeeee — it’s not like Diondre Cole will let you get a word in anyway. Chris Colfer learned this in spectacularly amusing fashion while appearing on the seventh edition of Saturday Night Live’s recurring “What Up With That?” sketch, which found the Glee actor sandwiched between a real Paul Simon and fake Lindsey Buckingham. (The latter of whom, as always, cut his family vacation short to be there.) Teased as part of “a salute to music greats” on the show’s May 14, 2011, episode, Colfer had the honor of fulfilling the essential duties of the middle chair: silently tolerating the absurdity of how Diondre (Kenan Thompson) runs his made-for-BET program, as the host would rather disrupt his guests with elaborate song-and-dance routines than actually let them talk. While the first guest tends to get a sentence or two in — Simon briefly hypes up his new album — the second is often relegated to reaction shots while a Narnia wardrobe full of characters such as, say, “the bad boy of bluegrass” Captain Sexy Banjo and the real Buckingham materialize out of nowhere. If you’re overthinking it, just stop. “What Up With That?” was not intended for analysis.

Colfer, who had recently wrapped Glee’s phenomena of a second season, was at the right place at the right time for SNL to think of him for the cameo. Plans were canceled. Excitement ran high. It all went live in 36 hours. And he didn’t care that he had nothing to do besides cross his legs. “It’s such a special memory for me. Being a microscopic spot of SNL history is the ultimate bragging right,” he says now. “If anyone ever tries to one-up me at a party, I whip that one out, and I usually win the conversation.”

How exactly was this sketch presented to you? Were you aware that it had already become a recurring and well-oiled SNL staple of sorts?

Yeah, I was. I’ve always been a huge fan of SNL, so I was familiar with the sketch and I thought it was hilarious. I was in New York City, and I had just done a live interview. I did so many interviews at the time for Glee that I can’t even remember who it was for. My publicist and I were walking down, like, 47th or 48th Street afterward, and she got a random call. It was Friday afternoon. One of SNL’s bookers had just seen me on live television and asked if I was still in the city. They said, “Can he do a cameo in tomorrow night’s episode?” And I responded, “Hell yes, absolutely.” No joke: They asked me to come in for a rehearsal immediately. So we had to clear the rest of my afternoon and went straight to Rockefeller Center. It was the easiest rehearsal I’ve ever done, because I didn’t have to do anything. I just had to sit there and be quiet. Then I went in the next day, and we did the dress rehearsal and then we did the live taping. It was magical.

Did you instinctively understand the humor? I mean, when I tell friends about my love of “What Up With That?”, what comes out of my mouth is jumbled nonsense about BET and a fake Lindsey Buckingham. It’s not the easiest thing to wrap a mind around.

I did. I remember on Saturday, in between the rehearsal and the live taping, the writers came to my dressing room and said, “We want to give you a line. Let’s try this out.” And I responded, “Absolutely not. You cannot give me a line. It’s way funnier if I’m just there and I don’t say anything.” And they looked at me and said, “Well, you’re the first guest to ever say that, and thank God, because we agree.”

An excellent instinct.

I can’t remember what the specific line was, but I was going to say something at the very end, and Kenan’s character was going to cut me off. But we all agreed it was funnier if I didn’t even try to talk.

So you sit down for the dress rehearsal, look to your left, and there’s Paul Simon in the chair. What was your opening line to him?

It was a complete secret who was in those seats until I showed up at that rehearsal. They didn’t tell me any details until I actually arrived in the studio — I had to be escorted right on the stage to my seat. I didn’t even have a script. Well, I didn’t need one, of course, because I wasn’t saying anything. And then I turned to my left and it’s Paul Simon. And then I turned to my right, and it’s Lindsey Buckingham waiting in the wings of the set. How the heck did I get here? I couldn’t say anything. I froze. I remember thinking at that moment, Chris, do not ask any questions about Stevie Nicks or Carrie Fisher. I had to repeat that to myself over and over and over again in my head. Paul Simon probably thought I was a seat filler.

So you didn’t ask if he was a Gleek?

Oh God, no. I never assume anyone knows who I am or knows where I’m from.

Was there a sense of nerves on your end before the live taping began?

It’s funny, because this required the least amount of effort on my part, but I was still extremely nervous. I was nervous that I would trip on the way there. But more so than nerves, it’s just that that show is pure adrenaline. It’s chaos, but it’s organized chaos. Everyone knows exactly what they’re doing, but it’s absolutely what you would imagine: People running back and forth in the hallways, carrying props and costumes and set pieces. It was really, really neat. I still have my little Chris Colfer plaque for my dressing room.

Where do you keep it?

I have an awards case, so it’s on display there. It was a gift.

For me, at least, the best part of the sketch is all of the wordless expressions taking in the absurdity of everything. Do you remember how the writers wanted you to react to certain beats?

The direction that the three of us were given was: “You’re on the show with this lunatic who doesn’t let his guests talk. Look as annoyed and out of place as possible.” So that seems easy, in theory, but the hardest part was not laughing my ass off. There’s one particular moment, when Kristen Wiig does this little hoedown in the middle of the sketch while a banjo plays. Everyone in the audience was falling to pieces, and I was looking at the ceiling so I wouldn’t join them. I got to release some of the joy in that moment.

Colfer, seconds apart, realizing he won't get an anecdote in. NBC/Saturday Night Live.

The lineage of “middle seat” people includes Mindy Kaling, Ernest Borgnine, Carrie Brownstein, Robin Williams, and Jack McBrayer. Do you see any connective tissue among you all?

I feel like I would just be flattering myself trying to make a connection, so instead I’ll say we all just happened to be free at the right time and have a good sense of humor.

Who do you think would be uniquely qualified to portray a fake Chris Colfer?

The only person I know who could do it is Marcia Gay Harden — with a good wig. Years ago, they were going to do an episode of Glee where something happened at McKinley High School. There was going to be this big, fake movie made about it. So we were all casting ourselves on who would play our characters in this fake movie. They had Glenn Close playing Sue Sylvester and Justin Timberlake as Matthew Morrison. So I said, “Well, Marcia Gay Harden has to play me.” It was a big joke. Unfortunately, the episode didn’t happen, but they were thinking about actually making it.

Did you go to the SNL after-party in celebration of the episode?

Yes, I did, and I got to chat with Lorne Michaels for a little bit. It’s really hard to make small talk with someone with that kind of résumé. You don’t want to ask the wrong question, and you don’t want to seem like you’re too big of a fan. But I couldn’t help myself. I asked about the history of the show, his favorite sketches, and the sketches he regretted. He was very kind and open to answering everything. He did tell me I’d be back on, so I’ll hold him to it one day.

Have you ever cut a family vacation short to do a talk show?

I’m sure I have. I’ve cut family vacations short for much, much less, too.

[youreavicioustrollop]

S4 E7: There Goes the Neighborhood

Bad Reputation and it's an actual band instead of just loud neighbors!!!! They seem like asshole moms, but I also love middle aged mom types who do their own thing like this. even if they're dirtbags.

Eddie getting hit on even though he's wearing a bio contamination suit... incredible. 10/10, would also do so. Oh no, but also she's inappropriately touching him. :((( (she's clearly not a true dirtbag though because she gave so many neighbors weed for their chronic illnesses!)

title name drop!!!

ah, Buck on the dating scene again! he is not having a good time. :( poor buck.

phrasing getting a second ipad as "expanding your family" is WILD, Karen. why are you phrasing it that way?? It's Hen's mom!!!!! I don't remember if she's been introduced prior to this or if I just know it's her because I know her from S8 or the other things I've seen.

"ain't no cooties" she's so fun. aaaah, love a "parent moving back to your town" narrative. Toni is very fun.

buck having the worst time. i'm so sorry, boo. she's not giving him aaaany grace. chim's brother (alfred? iirc?) taking it in stride, though. LOL, OH NO, SHE'S A NEIGHBOR. also i don't think we've ever seen the hallway of his apartment building before. it's nice!

michael DOES have a nice apartment!!! i feel like we've only ever seen it at night. oh, I guess he owns this place if he can add in ginormous windows.

he's being a creep with his telescope though. I know it's a send-up to ... Rear Window? i think that's the name of the movie.

oooh, I love when being at a scene has this split conversation mode. really keeps the pace and interest going! the attacker is a bird! LOL their catching contraption! i don't feel like that's how wildlife/animal control does it. but maybe it is, what do i know?

michael being creepy again, people watching. but May's calling him out, lol. Plan B is plan bobby, i know it, this will be so fun.

A HUMVEE OUT OF A PLANE, OH MY GOD. military training exercise, oh my goddddd. also this is what house insurance is For! someone gets injured on your property and you don't want to legally be on the hook for it.

brilliant idea using the parachute to lift the car back up, eddie! good job everyone! great teamwork!

buck hiding at maddie and chim's is so fuuuun. I love this. gift baskets for the neighbors is so sweet. also i'm calling it now that alfred is hooking up with the neighbor.

toni was a blackjack dealer, that's Fun. bobby is needed elsewhere, heeheehee

Harry's actor is SUCH a child actor. He Is Saying His Lines.

Toni being a grandma who spoils her grandchildren, that's so wonderful and fits so well. Ah no, Toni doesn't approve of med school!

ooooooh, what if this guy across the way is a professional sadist? that would explain all of his clientele and the trash if he needs to keep things clean and sterile! or.... something similar.

the music for going through the trash is So Funny. also bobby is So Excited about this, I love him. "you guys do this sort of thing a lot?" "no! .... michael did help me break into a bank vault once" oooooooh, used surgical supplies! omg, michael went over to dude's apartment! SIR!!! i mean it's clearly an illegal surgical suite, but OOF.

i was wondering if this was michael hallucinating again, but i'm kind of glad to know he's not? but also omg?? woman was found!

hen storyline!!! toni has some ROUGH statements. oof! love henren though. excellent communicating and very sad for hen. poor hen.

michael storyline wrap-up! nice! "let me be clear, i do not want to work with you again," lol, athena. also turning a garage into a grandma suite sounds nice!

oh noooooo, toni! sleeping in her car. :( also look at this topical subject matter!!! Mother-Daughter heart to heart! awwwww. i don't have anything to say to this except that it's beautiful and perfect. "you don't have to go to school but you do have to learn something" so they go to the library and the park for a picnic!!!!! because hen was getting picked on! :((((((

nice little montage!

YES, I knew alfred was sleeping with veronica. heh heh heh..... that tracks with the very little we know about alfred absoLUTELY.

this was a great episode!!!! keep it coming, season four!!

[vex-bittys]

Bittybones Chapter 8: Organics and Botanicals (part 4)

Apparently, my bittybones really enjoy trashy reality television. Corvus the Kara bitty, Egg the Softbones, Buttons, Yanberry, and Phantom stared enraptured as stupid humans (basically all humans) said and did stupid things in crystal clear HD with surround sound. I'm not one to look a gift distraction in the mouth, so I proceeded with my idea for the Good Boy Points, or G.

I started by digging a collection of small Mason jars out of the cupboard from my brief stint as a person who thinks she can make her own sauces, pickles, and preserves. Canning one's own food is an art form in which I possess zero talent, and I ended up wasting a significant amount of time, money, and produce with very little to show for it aside from burned fingers. I've learned my lesson though: just get store bought. My standards aren't all that high anyway (you did adopt that shirtless asshole…).

Since I still had the jars, I decided to turn my DIY failure into a DIY opportunity! I dug out another box stuffed full of forgotten craft projects that had also surpassed my limited talents. Choosing seven equally sized jars, I got to work decorating. These would be excellent banks for the Good Boy Points, and nobody would judge my sub-par construction (that's what you think)!

I adorned each jar with a name tag, leaving the lids off because I don't have the tools to make a slot in them, and I wouldn't know how to use the tools even if I did. I wrapped the mouth of each container with a different color of dyed suede cord: red for Red (your favorite!), teal for Brassy, blue for Buttons, purple for Yanberry, black for Corvus, pastel pink for Egg, and yellow for Phantom. 

All I had left to do was make the actual Good Boy Points. I wanted my boys to have something tangible to show for their good deeds. I took some thin sheets of balsa wood that, once upon a time, I tried to use to make (rickety) bitty furniture for Red. My carpentry career ended in a tragic bitty bed collapse (i almost dusted). Now I punched out tiny circles with a hole punch, catching Buttons’ and Berry’s attention.

I showed the pair of curious bittys the shimmery paints that I wanted to use on my wooden counterfeit currency, and they immediately volunteered to help with the painting. Soon, the three of us had created an assembly line, churning out quite a substantial supply of bronze, silver, and gold “coins.” Sure, Buttons and Berry ended up partially gilded, but we accomplished our task… just in time for lunch!

I may be bad at crafts (and building furniture and dating and paying attention to your precious edgy bitty), but I can whip up an ooey, gooey delicious grilled cheese sandwich in a matter of minutes. I even graciously added ham to one of the sandwiches for my little meat maulers. I handed out bitty-sized cubes of toasted bread and melted cheese without ham to Corvus, Egg, and Buttons and ones with ham to Berry and Phantom. With a deep, calming breath, I entered the bedroom to deliver lunch to the inmates.

Red snatched his mini sandwich out of my hands then turned his back on me to eat it. I gave his head a little scratch anyway, and he growled halfheartedly. Brassy accepted his sandwich with a bit more manners (kiss ass), but he still pouted while he munched. I turned back to Red only to see two cheesy pieces of bread somehow stuck to the ceiling of his bitty house while Red himself held the ham between his jaws and shook it like a rabid dog (woof).

The introduction of Good Boy Points could not happen soon enough, so I collected Red, Brassy, and the ruined bread and headed for the living room. An irate Red demanded the remains of his lunch (it's mine!), and I reluctantly returned it to him, expecting it to end up on the living room ceiling. He ate it thankfully, but refused to let go of my hand when I tried to set him down next to his bitty brothers.

As soon as Brassy noticed Red's clinginess, he latched onto the hand that held him with his arms and legs. I resigned myself to my fate and allowed each of them to perch on one of my shoulders. Red promptly wrapped himself in my hair (i didn't want to fall) and glared balefully at the world around him.

I sat down cross legged on the floor and introduced my newly invented reward system to the boys with the reality show playing, forgotten now, in the background. The bittybones crowded around to check out their individual jars, and I explained that all good behavior would earn the bitty a Good Boy Point or G for short. No good deeds or bad behavior meant no G, though no G would be removed from a jar once awarded.

By this point, the two bittys who had stubbornly demanded to be held (me!)(And me) changed their minds in lieu of investigating the pile of freshly painted Good Boy Points. I continued my planned speech about the G, telling my potential good boys that their points could be redeemed for treats at the bitty shop or grocery store, specially requested items if I could find them, or the greatest reward of all: special one-on-one activities with me!

(sign me up!)

Yanberry happily exclaimed that he couldn't wait to redeem his G for a flamethrower, which led to a discussion about things my boys would not be buying with their points. They were not allowed to “draw me like one of their French girls” (i asked) especially since the only bitty with that much artistic talent only wanted a flamethrower. They would also not be joining me or watching me during showers or baths (I asked that one). I made a blanket rule forbidding all perverted, sexual, or dangerous uses of G which made Red, Brassy, and Berry sulk. 

I concluded my presentation by placing the first official Good Boy Points in Buttons’ and Berry’s jars since they had helped me with the project. I then awarded a G to each of my bittys for behaving during my explanation. Red tried to argue that he saw Phantom winking at me, and I had to point out that I did not consider winking to be bad behavior (it's a gateway bad behavior!). 

I very politely neglected to point out that I do, however, consider stealing to be bad behavior, and me and my five well behaved bittys had all pretended not see Red and Brassy stuffing quick handfuls of G into their pockets like the tiniest of kleptomaniacs.

(how dare you accuse us of such crimes)

I guess they didn't realize that the paint on some of the Good Boy Points hadn't completely dried yet.

It's hard to feign innocence when the gold, silver, and bronze evidence is sparkling on their sticky little palms.

(shit)

-

READ ON AO3

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[ladyantiheroine]

I’m Hers Now

Summary: Renfield is in love, and Dracula is not happy about it.

Pairing: Renfield x fem!reader

Requested by @kpopgirlbtssvt

You’re walking a dangerous line, Renfield.

Two days had past and Renfield still smelled the blood of Matthew Ryder. He’d been feeding mortals to Dracula long enough that he learned to forget people once they were gone. Exorcise their ghosts before they had a chance to haunt him. But the memories of his most recent kill were still fresh to him.

Because that kill’s girlfriend was weeping right in front of him.

“I just don’t know what’s up with me,” Y/N said. “I mean…I know I’ve talked about him a lot, and I know I haven’t always said the best things about him, but…that doesn’t mean I want to feel happy about his disappearance, right?”

Y/N had attended the support group as long as Renfield had. The common thread in all her stories were the same: Her boyfriend, Matthew. While Renfield didn’t like to judge, none of Y/N’s stories suggested the young man was much a prince. Gaslighting, manipulation, narcissism, every abusive boyfriend cliche wrapped into one man.

And just like Caitlyn’s boyfriend weeks before, Renfield decided he was just the kind of man to feed to the world’s most infamous vampire.

But while Caitlyn seemed happy at her boyfriend’s sudden disappearance, Y/N seemed more torn up. It spoke to the young lady’s good heart that she felt pity even for someone who had hurt her.

It was part of why Renfield was so drawn to her. After living with the lord of darkness for so long, he was drawn to anyone with a spark of light in them.

Y/N sniffled and rubbed her face on her sleeve. Renfield reached into his pocket, pulled out a handkerchief, and offered it to her. She turned to face him, round eyes shimmering.

“Thank you,” she said. She took the handkerchief and blew her nose. “I don’t know, it’s just…I’m not a bad person, right? That I don’t feel terrible that he’s gone?”

“Of course not, Y/N,” Mark said. Everyone else in the group nodded. “You clearly care that he’s okay. His disappearance had nothing to do with you.”

Well, it technically did. If Y/N hadn’t spent weeks telling stories about her boyfriend’s latest assholery, Renfield would have never found Dracula’s next meal.

“Maybe this is an opportunity,” Renfield said.

Everyone in the group turned to him, including Y/N. Despite all the faces, it was Y/N’s that made Renfield feel shy to speak.

“I mean, maybe this is a sign,” he said. “If you feel happier when he’s not around…maybe that’s the final sign that he’s not for you. Move on. Let the authorities deal with his disappearance. Take this time to make plans going forward.”

He shyly brought his gaze to Y/N’s. She was looking at him with soft, soothed sort of gaze.

“That’s excellent advice, Mr. Renfield,” Mark said. “Sometimes, it takes a sudden disruption for us to realize what we need. Sometimes, you need distance from a relationship in order to heal from it.”

Mark glanced down at his watch.

“Well, I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for now,” he said. “Thank you so much to everyone for coming. Same time next week.”

As everyone stood up to leave, Y/N approached Renfield. Despite them being the group for weeks, the two had never spoke one-on-one before.

“Hey,” she said. “I just wanted to say…thanks for the advice,”

“Oh,” Renfield said. “Of course. I’m glad it helps.”

“Honestly, knowing Matthew, he’s probably doing something illegal. If the cops find him, they’ll probably just take him to jail. Then I won’t even have to try breaking up with him.”

Renfield gave a shaky smile.

“Silver-lining to everything, I guess,” he said.

“Yeah.”

A small smile sprouted on Y/N’s face.

“By the way,” she said. “I know it’s a bit late in the afternoon, but…do you wanna get coffee right now?”

~

What the fuck are you doing, Renfield?

It was a real he had set for himself early on: Don’t get close to those close to the target. Murders are often comitted by those close to the victim, so befriending Matthew Ryder’s girlfriend would be like Ted Bundy befriending his latest victim’s sibling. The goal to stay away from the crime scene, not tapdance around it.

And yet, despite all better judgements, Renfield agreed to accompany Y/N to the new coffee shop down the block from the church. More than that, he ended up chatting with her to closing time and nibbling through several croissants in the process. Then, he ended the evening walking her home to her apartment.

He tried to rationalize it. She was still hurt afte losing Matthew, and he of all people owed it to comfort her, right? Not to mention protecting her in case any more trouble came her way. Eventually, she’d move on from Matthew and the two would have no reason to speak to each other again.

That’s what he told himself the first time.

~

Before long, Renfield lost count of how many coffee chats he’d had with Y/N. It became a ritual for them after every support group meeting. From there, coffee chats turned into movie night and trips to the zoo and weekend spent viciously annhilating each other in Mario Kart.

It was official. Renfield and Y/N were friends now.

Best friends, possibly. The first one Renfield had in centuries. It felt so strange. For the longest time, Dracula was only deep relationship he had. The constant travel and surveillance from the vampiric count meant Renfield could never get close to anyone. Lest he risk putting his human companion in danger.

But Renfield ahd managed to keep Dracula fed for the weeks following Matthew’s death. This kept him satisfied enough to not go hunting after Renfield, which was the onyl way Renfield cold justify all the time spent with Y/N. As long as Dracula was appeased, he could separate the two enough for no problems.

It was a risk. But it was one Renfield couldn’t resist. Because he enjoyed his time with Y/N too much to stop, and he couldn’t bare the thought of returning to life of lonely servitude to a cruel master.

So that’s what his life was. Wandering through aquariums after support group with Y/N by day, and hunting and killing innocent people by night for Dracula.

~

Renfield didn’t know when he got off-balance. At what point he started neglecting Dracula in favor of spending more and more time with Y/N. But in what felt like the blink of an eye, weeks more had past and he hadn’t fed Dracula a single drop.

And the worst part? His friendship with Y/N hadn’t faded.

It got worse.

And by worse, he meant he was falling in love with her.

And even worse, she seemed to reciprocate.

One afternoon after group, Renfield and Y/N decided to go watch a movie at his apartment. It was the first time he was letting her see his place, and the occasion felt more momentous than it should have been.

“I didn’t have time to clean the place,” Renfield said. “So, apologies if it’s a tad messy.”

“I doubt you could be messier than me,” Y/N said.

Renfield chuckled, and as they continued to walk, hs fingers brushed against hers. He didn’t mean to, but in the next second, Y/N thread her fingers between his. Her hand was soft and warm and it made her heart flutter. He looked at Y/N, and she gave him a soft smile.

“Is this okay?” she asked.

No. It wasn’t. Do you not know what you’re getting yourself into?

“Yes, it’s good,” Renfield said.

The two reached his door and Renfield slid his room key inside. As soon as he opened the door, he knew something was wrong. There was a scent in the air. A rotten, decaying scent that only came from one person.

Renfield let go of Y/N’s hand. He turned to her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I…umm…” Renfield said.

He glanced down at the welcome mat by the door. Fuck, the mat. The bastard got in because fo the god damn mat.

Renfield was even stupider than he thought.

“Listen,” he whispered. “I’m sorry, I know this is sudden, but I need you to leave right now.”

“Why?” Y/N asked, her eyes confused and a little hurt. “What about our movie night?”

It crushed Renfield’s heart to see her looking at him like that. But he had to protect her. He’d endangered her enough just getting close. He needed her gone before she joined Matthew in the same gaping maw.

“Y/N,” Renfield said, trying to stay calm. “Listen, you have to trust me, it’s not safe here right now.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why?”

“It’s a lot to explain and…you don’t believe me…”

Y/N looked even more hurt.

“Why would you think that? We’ve told each other everything, right?” She grabbed his shoulders. “Robby, what’s going on? Why can’t you just let me inside? Why--”

Suddenly, there was a gust of wind that pushed Renfield backwards into the apartment and shut the door behind him. He quickly rushed to his feet and and flew open the door. He glanced down the hall just in time to see Dracula, Y/N flung over his shoulders, as he skittered away.

“No!” Renfield cried. “Stop!”

Dracula paused, and turned to face him. His eyes glowed red and his mouth spread into a wicked, toothy smile.

“Such pretty prey you’ve found me, Renfield,” he said. “This will make up for your weeks of neglect.”

With that, the count disappeared into the distance.

~

Maybe she’d been asleep for minutes. Maybe she’d been asleep for days. All Y/N knew was that her whole body ached when he eyes finally fluttered open. The first thing she saw was a window, showing a black sky. She turned her head to see orange walls covered in inspiration posters and a soft pillow under her head.

“What…” she mumbled.

“Oh, thank god.”

Y/N turned her head. Renfield was seated by the bed beside her, his sweater and face splattered with red. Her heart leapt in her throat and she seat up quick.

“Renfield!” she said. “What the--”

Before she could finished, Renfield threw his arms around her. He squeezed her tight, his eyes tearing up and staining the sleeve of her shirt.

“You’re okay,” he whimpered. “You’re okay…I thought he killed you…”

“Who…”

Y/N groped her brain for memories. She remembered arriving at Renfield’s apartment for a movie night. Then, all of sudden, he started panicking and telling her to leave. After that, she saw the wisp of a black shadow and she was floaitng above the air right before she passed out.

Renfield released her and gripped her hands in his.

“Y/N,” he said. “I’m…I’m so, so sorry. This is all my fault.” He inhaled a deep breath, then let it out. “I have a lot to explain.”

~

It was past midnight and on top of being exhausted, your brain was fuzzy from everything you’d been told.

“Dracula,” you said. “As in…the Dracula?”

Renfield pursed his lips and nodded.

“I’ve served him for centuries,” he said. “But I never had the strength to vanquish him until now.” He glanced down at his bloody sweater. “As you can tell it was…a messy process.”

“You killed a vampire,” Y/N said. “That’s…incredible.”

“Well, my good friend Rebecca certainly helped,” he said. He squeezed your hands tight. Despite his pale skin, his touch was warm. “I was afraid to befriend you, because I didn’t want you to get hurt. But really, I should have just been honest from the start. And more so, I should have killed that bastard a long time ago.”

He bit his lower lip.

“Y/N,” he said. “After so long, I thought I had forgotten what it was like to really love someone. Not fear, and not just serve them, but love them.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “You reminded me that’s there’s still something in this cold body of mine. If you hadn’t, I would still be a slave to Dracula for centuries more.”

Y/N’s face burned hot. She was feeling so much as once it was almost overwhelming.

“Renfield,” she said.

He pursed his lips and tugged at his sweater.

“I should change,” he said. He wiped the crimson, copepry smear on his mouth. “This bloody blood isn’t helping, is it?”

Before he could get up and leave, Y/N stopped him. She grabbed him by the font of his blood-stained sweater and pulled his blood-stained lips to her. She tasted the copper on his mouth, but she didn’t care. They sunk into each other, time melting into wax around. When they separated, Y/N pressed her forehead to his.

“I love you too, Renfield,” she said. “And I’m happy Dracula is gone.”

Renfield smiled. A smile of disbelief, of joy, of relief.

“I’m not his anymore,” he said. “I’m yours.

[jaggedwolf]

pll rewatch 1x03-1x04

this is happening, apologies in advance to everyone who did not experience pll-era jaggedwolf, including the two knuckleheads dragged into watching this show

I was so distracted by the horror of having to actually watch the Ezria of it all that I entirely forgot about Wren, and the Hastings family going "boo you whore" at Spencer for the audacity of being kissed by a grown man. What's the point of being lawyer parents if you don't threaten the fully adult man kissing your daughter instead of being mean to her.

but who are the Hastings if they don't pick the "Be Mean To Spencer" button whenever it appears? I forgot it started so early

other thing that starts early: A liar going, well, what the fuck do we do, Spencer?? and Spencer going ??? I don't know!!!!!???

First appearance of Noel's cabin! It has a foosball table. Noel did you have to spend money on that photo booth or did your parents have that lying around.

Here I contemplate the economic stratus of the parents of Rosewood (~7k population, along the Main Line, unincorporated?) and their frequent traveling for work, though here the Hastings are Out of Town for Melissa reasons.

I've never thought about Toby punching out Ben in the context of what we later learn about Toby, but huh. considering that.

you know, Sean did nothing wrong. Dude did not want to fuck and got his car wrecked for it. Just remembered the other plotline he's briefly involved in this season through no fault of his own and am laughing, he is here to be utterly clueless.

Hanna is still so good though <3

Group flashback time - when Alison tears into Hanna, it's Aria who speaks up. Something to keep track of, maybe, for the pre-disappearance dynamics

The first two episodes have Emily-Aria and Hanna-Spencer link up as pairs, the former feeling like outsiders to the town, the latter the shining stars on the edge of flaming out.

These eps have no Emily-Aria, each wrapped up in their own secrets, but we get a bunch of Hanna-Spencer. Spencer tells Hanna about the plagiarism first, Hanna talks to her about dad dinner outfits, Spencer asks Hanna when she needs a ride from the motel. ....Is S1 going to make me contemplate Spencer/Hanna? I have no complaints.

(To be fair, I'm not sure Emily has her own car at this point. We only see her with the bike and in other people's cars so far, which would make sense for the Fields. Am I going to start tracking proof of car ownership? Maybe.)

A's responses when the girls block unknown numbers are good. The missing girl poster, the frickin song dedication, the jungle red lipstick on a mirror! Can't wait for A to hit the girls up on Excel

god does tom marin suck. and byron. and ezra. and wilden. let's stop there before I list every man in rosewood

except for toby, whose only crime these episodes is failing to make non-creepy expressions. then again, he spent a year in reform school wearing that terrible durag. that must do damage to a fella.

am reminded that Aria can be fun when she's not mired in Ezra bullshit (very insistent on the difference of gnats vs flies! utterly aghast that Spencer hasn't started a paper! decides to tell her mom too late when it shouldn't have been her problem from the start!). this week's fashion crime was an earring so big i thought it a shawl or part of her shirt until someone pointed out it wasn't

Emily's plot mildly stresses me out now that we've gotten past the locker room scene because I don't remember what happens when. I just want this kid to be okay! She's the only one still wearing the friendship bracelet, yeah? I don't remember how long it lasts for

mentions of writing on facebook walls...this show is so 2010...

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Ash and Sera Couldn't Communicate if the World was on the Line...And it IS

Ok, so two things are simultaneously true: First, if the sex in a book grinds the plot of a book to a screeching halt for like five consecutive chapters, that's just bad writing. Pacing is a THING, and the middle of this book didn't have it. Second, I am too invested in Sera and Ash's story to stop at this point, especially with the flippin' cliffhanger of this book. So let's talk A Light in the Flame.

Abandon all expectations of this being a spoiler-free review, ye who enter here. There will be spoilers.

Also some discussions of consent and assault.

Ok. Seraphena and Ash are AWFUL at communication, and I feel like if we improved that just a skoosh and cut some of the unnecessary sex scenes to tighten up the pacing, this book would have been excellent. Unfortunately, it's kind of caught somewhere between erotica and romantasy and doesn't balance those influences well in the pacing. Plus, we had all of book 1 to establish that Ash and Sera aren't good communicators, so when we got to the "oopsie poopsie, walked in on Ash and the mean girls primal appearing to be boning" misunderstanding, I was just like...have we seriously not moved past this?

And while we're here: I will acknowledge that men being assaulted by women happens, and it doesn't get the weight and representation in fiction it probably should. I also appreciate that this book handles it like the trauma and totally nonconsensual thing it is...but just because it's a guy doesn't mean I like reading about it. Because the book explicitly pulls feeding and sex apart as things that can but by no means have to go together, it pulls the metaphor away from sexual assault a bit. It's a weird one though because how much of Ash and Sera's relationship is sex, and how much the worldbuilding doesn't support reading this as not a sexual assault. It's a bit tangled and strange, but I can't even necissarily say it was badly handled, because unlike the majority of fictional instances where this happens to male characters, it's not written off as a joke. I just think the worldbuilding and intent are a little contradictory here. Like...yeah, sure, Ash and mean girls primal didn't ever actually have sex, but I literally struggle to the point of being totally unable to read this mini character arc as anything other than a sexual assault allegory. And I do not understand the mental gymnastics Sera does to try to pull apart forced feeding from sexual assault, because she did try that, but I was not following.

Moving beyond the pacing issues and issues with conflicting intent and worldbuilding, Ash and Sera's relationship was compelling. I appreciate the shift we see in Sera as she learns to value her own life--and the stab-twist as she is then condemned to die anyway, probably at Ash's hand was amazing (I am low-key an angst hound)--and in Ash as he begins to untangle all the conflicting control and wildly out of control aspects of his life. The character growth and dynamics there were always fun and believable and I was super invested in Ash and Sera's relationship with each other and their relationships with other characters.

Sera's relationships with the castlefolk--and Nektas and Reaver in particular--are darling and really lovely to read about. I also liked that we finally got to see her relationships with other primals, and her relationship with Kolis--such as it is.

Real quick before we wrap up, I just want to reiterate/clarify the point I rather haphazardly made in the intro. I don't have anything against sex scenes in books in principle. Go ham, authors, and readers can enjoy if they so choose. No judgement on their existence or the enjoyment of said scenes by readers or writers. What I object to is when sex in books that aren't explicitly meant to be erotica actually impedes the plot. And I think this book, especially the middle sections, had sex scenes impede the forward motion of the plot. We could have either cut back on the number of sex scenes or tied the plot into the sex scenes more closely so the plot kept moving even as Sera and Ash were smushing bits. So the mixed genres here was a bit of a detriment rather than a strength for this specific reason.

Just in general, the character work and worldbuilding in this book were excellent. The nice little parallel at the end where both Ash and Kolis want the embers out of Sera, but Ash refuses to kill Sera and Kolis refuses to kill Sotoria and if neither one sucks it up and kills her, her impending Ascension almost certainly will was also *chef's kiss*. I cannot wait to see how Sera wriggles out of THAT one, and the angst quotient is through the roof and I am HERE for it.

[laxibbeb]

Hi love!

I hope you have been coping in my absence. This time of silence has weighed heavily on me, and I simply could not resist the temptation to write to you any longer (despite the emails and work waiting for me on my laptop)

I do hope you can forgive me, and to help this process, here are some of my unfiltered thoughts.🙂

Imagine a crackfic that’s ACOTAR from Andras’ POV. It’s one chapter.

(Maybe I’ll make it all internal monologue and still not give him a speaking line) ANYWAY

—

Gill’s slutty fin swoop is everything to me. (And yes I KNOW he’s a fish. The key is to not ask questions)

—

I don’t play an instrument BUT I do sing and almost went to college for that until I changed my mind.

Actually do you count handbells as an instrument? Because I do play those. Also, I’m a huge music theory nerd! (well to be fair, I’m a nerd about a lot of things, but in relevance to this conversation…)

—

Okay, so you have excellent taste in fanfiction. I’ve read some of these already but not all, and I’m making my way through the ones that I haven’t.

I'll give you my favorite fanfictions in time, because again, I'm paranoid my fic recs will give me away

—

As we get closer to December, here’s a few questions.

Do you have any winter/holiday traditions?

Are there any holiday specific foods that you like? (Cookies? Drinks? Other?)

Assuming you’re in a place that has snow, what’s your favorite snow based activity?

—

As always, I look forward to your responses.

With love,

Your Secret Santa

Hello, dear Santa🫀🫀 I hope YOU can forgive ME for my tragic absence due to my awful affliction (i hate covid).

oh my GOD a crackfic about Andras but it's just his inner monologue might actually be a genius move

—

(i would never ask questions, let the one who never wanted to fuck a fish cast the first stone or whatever)

—

i will count anything as an instrument. it makes music, it counts

also, you almost went to college for singing! that's so cool! i always wanted to sing well

—

this is the highest praise and i will cherish that forever 😌 i'm SO busy right now, so currently the fanfiction i want to read just piles up and waits for better times :(

i can't wait for your recs, though (it could possibly give you away even though i'd probably never guess anyway 😌)

—

christmas traditions!! one tradition is so. many. gifts. it could literally be singular tealights packed separately into wrapping paper because we love the unpacking, which i secretly think is hilarious 🤣

another little tradition is - the dogs always get a wrapped gift in the form of some very nice smelling treat

this is poland so another one - we make pierogi from scratch, which is very bothersome (because it takes a long time) but possibly the most fun one

winter tradition-wise i always go ice skating at least once which ties into your question about my favourite winter activity (i'm not very good but last year i learned how to go backwards! i'm very excited to go again this year 🤭) we technically get snow where i live, but not that much of it, we do a little family trip to the mountains sometimes, because everyone likes skiing (that's a bit of stretch, my sister and my father really love skiing lmao, me and my mom are usually just chilling in a bar, pretending that we love skiing)

—

christmas food (the best part, in my opinion)

okay, bear with me here as i translate fish names my favourite christmas dinner food is the common sole (is there a better name? did i just embarass myself?)

another one are apple fritters-esque things, which my grandpa used to make for my mom and now that he's gone my mom continues making them for everyone (which i guess is a tradition as well)

and an obligatory pierogi mention which, as far as i'm concerned, is the best dish to have graced the planet earth (she says as she's eating breakfast pierogi)

i always make cookies! i'm in charge of baking treats and i pick different cookies every year for everyone to try out

—

we're so close to the reveal now because i took eternity to reply AND I'M SO INCREDIBLY EXCITED

see you, dear Santa!! 🫀🤶🫀🤶

[screamintoad]

Lost Souls

Chapter Two

Academiya of the Excelled

 A young woman squeezed her eyes shut as the early sun pooled through the window above her bed. She flipped the blanket off and sluggishly sat up. She sighed and pushed up off her hands. She looked back at her bed for a moment before deciding she didn’t want to make the dorm hall’s monitor mad. She fluffed out the blanket and pillow to neatly make the bed, the bedding all the same white color. It reminded her of a hospital. Once she was pleased enough with her work she began getting herself ready for the day. She pretended to think about what she wanted to wear from the wardrobe, “Hmm do I want to wear this gray shirt or this other gray shirt.” She shrugged and grabbed out a random one. She brushed through her red hair with a comb on her vanity then, she waited. She watched the clock until it was time to leave. Here, everything must be precise and perfect. 

  Here, at the Academiya of the Excelled. A large school for magic users from all over the world, to learn and hone their gifts. Yet there’s always trouble in paradise. If one of the monitors or professors or-gods forbid-the headmaster, sees an imperfection, they will go to almost inhumane ways to punish those needed. It is the strictest school in the world with the lowest graduation rate because of how extreme it is. Its students are expected to be awake and ready to leave their rooms at the exact second they are meant to, meals must not be finished too early or too late, and especially if their grades are imperfect they’re punished. 

  The young woman, named Karissa Valentine, traversed through the halls. She kept her head straight ahead but eyed the students that she passed. ‘Students? More like inmates.’ She thought, looking at the identical gray uniforms. The students weren’t allowed to talk to each other unless needed for the class. She got in line and the students filed into the classroom one at a time. Karissa sat at her assigned table and half listened to the professor talk about the lesson.

  Use magic to manipulate the fish swimming in the bowl in front of them. Simple, right?

  Not for Mak. She peered into the bowl to see the fish swimming around, her reflection looked back. Her eyes were pools of the night sky, a soul reaper. The only one in the school. Soul reapers are extremely rare as they’re a dying kind but, they are wonderful. They specialize in the living and other plane aspects of magic. They’re capable of using a unique type of magic, soul magic. The use of their soul strings to interfere with things-and people-around them. Every living thing has them. They make up the link between the mind and the body. If one learns how to pull the right ones, the right way, they can control them. The only ones who can see soul strings are the ones who can use that magic.

  Although she can do it, it’s far from easy. She’s the only soul reaper in her family so no one’s been able to teach, let alone help her along the way. Orange soul strings twisted around her fingers, she bent one of her fingers and the strings flared out. She straightened up again and they became uniform. She did her best to keep her face emotionless. She remembered the pain on her hand last time she made a sound during class or looked the wrong way. ‘Please…’ she silently pleaded. Green soul strings flowed around her own, she felt calmer now. Karissa fought to keep her composure as the strings wrapped around the fish to keep it still. It turned to look at her. ‘Just a little bit of help.’ A man’s voice calmly spoke in her head. Her head shot up, she quickly looked around the room before returning to the fish. ‘This is an all girls class so how…?’ She wondered. For the rest of the class she stayed still as she tried to make sense of what happened. Karissa knew she didn’t belong here. That’s why she has to leave.

  The moon gave a silver glow through the windows. Karissa flipped through the various papers she had with sketches and notes of escape plans on them. She sighed, exasperated with how all of them would end. She dragged her hands along her face racking her thoughts for anything that could be even the seed of another plan. She laid down on the wood floor of her room. All the windows are locked at all hours so she can’t leave through her window, and the student rooms are all on the third floor. There’s a door out of the basement where the school gets supply deliveries but there’s a magic shield that protects it. The school itself was a simple building but, it’s fortified in every way possible. Nothing other than supplies normally gets in, and nothing other than spoils normally gets out.

  Karissa groaned and sat up. ‘I have to find out if I have anyone to go back to.’ She winced when she felt a sharp pain in her head, “Not again…” she stumbled getting up. She walked over to her bed and grabbed the frame, she inhaled and lifted it. She moved her bed as quietly as she could. She gasped when she heard a creak and the footsteps of the monitor approaching. She froze on instinct but, the footsteps stopped. Instead, they turned and walked in the opposite direction. Karissa sighed with relief and continued moving her bed. When it was off to the side enough she crouched down and pushed out one of the wooden floorboards. She felt for something, grasping air before finding what she needed. She pulled out a worn leather backpack. She unclasped it and dug through it. She pulled out a small, clear vial of liquid and took a sip of it, in seconds the pain in her head was gone. She waved the vial around in the air, “That was the last of it.” She mumbled. She stuck the cap back on it and stuffed it back in the bag.

 ‘Do you wish to leave?’

  The voice from earlier spoke up. Karissa dropped the bag in shock. She looked around but didn’t see or hear anything else. ‘You will not be able to see me. This is telepathy.’ The voice explained. Karissa facepalmed, ‘Telepathy. Of course. Yes, yes I want to leave.’ There wasn’t an immediate answer which made her question if it was all a hallucination. ‘Come to where they get supplies in. I have a proposal for you.’ Then everything went quiet again. Karissa blinked. ‘If there’s nothing then I can always get back to my room but…if there is something, this is my chance out.’ She made up her mind. She grabbed whatever she felt necessary to bring and threw it in the bag. She pulled on a brown button up jacket over her clothes. They weren’t anything major, just a gray shirt and black pants. She threw on her shoes and grasped the doorknob. She hesitated before slowly turning it. 

  The door creaked open and she poked her head out. There was no sign of the hall monitor which was weird. She deciphered this was good in her favor though and slinked out of her room. Making her way through the halls and rooms of the school was both easy and unnerving. There wasn’t anybody in sight. Finally, she made it to the door that led down to the basement. She swallowed down any nerves and went in. This place wasn’t surveilled but it was impossible to get down here during daytime. “Hello?” She called out. No answer. Karissa grew nervous again. She looked down to see green mist pooling around her feet, she jumped with a screech. She whipped around to see a tall hooded man that seemed to be the cause of the mist. Besides his cloak he wore a green tunic and tan pants. He had thick gold bands on both of his wrists. An identical gold band was around his neck. What struck Karissa the most was his wooden mask.

  He reached out a hand, “Please, I wish to help you. I would also like it if you would help me in turn.” He explained. Karissa looked him up and down, “You seem like the type who doesn’t need help.” The mysterious man chuckled, “True, but I need it now.” He reached into one of the pouches in his belt and pulled out something wrapped in a red cloth. Karissa quirked a brow. “Take this and run fast.” Karissa looked at him with confusion, “Why?” She asked, “I know it is odd but this thing is incredibly important and it is extra important that it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.” Karissa held out her hands and he dropped it in her palms. This thing was small enough to fit in one hand. “But, why me? Who are you? How am I not the wrong hands?” She shot question after question. The man walked over to the door that led outside. He tapped his staff on the ground and Karissa watched him use green soul strings to disable the shield.

  “I need your help to ensure that they won’t get their way. But…you’ll have to wait for clearer answers.”

  He tapped his staff on the ground again and green mist enveloped around Karissa. She started panicking, “Remember, run fast and do not stop. There is a town a day’s journey from here but don’t rest there. Don’t stop running until you reach Arianrdom.” That was the last thing Karissa heard before everything went blank.

[ecsundance]

Wrapping up at Sundance: Never Look Away

At the Sundance Film Festival I have been able to watch many different documentaries that all revolve around different subject matters. After watching each of the documentaries I have left the theater with so many thoughts racing through my head, especially the documentary that I watched most recently. Yesterday I got to watch Don’t Look Away, directed by Lucy Lawless, which is a documentary about the inspirational Margaret Moth who was a photo journalist for CNN. Moth put her life on the line as she inserted herself into war zones where they were actively shooting at cars labeled “press”. This documentary was enlightening because I had never heard of Moth before and it was amazing to be given an environment where I could learn more about her and how she risked her life. 

I left the theater with a new grasp on how fearless Moth was and how dedicated she was to her job. I found that super inspiring because that is the kind of life that I want to live. I strive to have her passion for her job and hope that in the future I am able to have a career that is as satisfying as Moth’s. Lawless also details an accident that Moth faced while she was in a war zone. The scene is set where Moth is in a press car driving with other reporters when they hear a blast and glass shatters. The person in the passenger's seat then looks back and sees Moth holding her jaw in place. Moth was sniped in the jaw and was immediately rushed to surgery so they could attempt to save her life and restore her face. Even after this traumatic event, Moth insisted that she go back out into the field to continue what she was meant to do. She went right back into active war zones where she was still being shot at, but she knew that the world had to see all sides of war and what happens when countries fight.

Everything that Moth did, had a purpose and you can really see that through her work. All the footage that she captured was her own art form and I find that extremely admirable especially after she had such a tragic accident. I really liked that Lawless included Moth’s love life because it really showed that she was so much more than her job. It is easy to lose women in their profession and let that be all they are known for. This film left me feeling extremely empowered and I hope that more women are able to see this documentary so they can see that women have the ability to excel in the workforce. I know for a fact that I will be going home to my roommates and telling them about this exceptional woman who risked her life so that the people could know the truth. The truth is something that I hold close to, so seeing this woman risk her life so that she could tell a story truly amazes me and I look up to Margaret Moth as a powerful woman who did not let anyone dull her spirit. 

Overall this documentary has taught me so much about the powerful and exceptional Margaret Moth. I had the pleasure of learning about her career and was able to hear about her from the perspective of the people she was closest to. Moth continued to amaze me and I look forward to sharing her story. 

Samantha Levy  

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Chapter 5- Part 6

As you can see, we’re leading with Glare this time, since she can resist pretty much anything this Budew can throw at her. Grass-type moves? Poison-type moves? Forget about it!

We’re gonna start by lowering its Defense with Leer, and then we’re gonna paralyze it with Glare’s namesake and the former signature move of the Ekans line: Glare!

But, well, complications arise- it looks like Fern had the same idea, because he had his Budew use Stun Spore to paralyze Glare first!

So now, we’re just gonna have to hope the Paralysis doesn’t proc and that the Speed drop doesn’t hinder Glare too much. Right now, let’s just focus on paralyzing the Budew with Glare (the move).

Aaaand it works! We can start using Bite now!

But only for a moment, because just like last time, Fern sees the writing on the wall and switches into Sandile.

So, losing the Attack and Defense drops on Budew isn’t necessarily ideal, but it is still paralyzed. And I know the Budew is still paralyzed because, as we learned in the first attempt against Fern, his Budew’s Ability is Poison Point, not Natural Cure. Therefore, the Paralysis is not healed by Budew switching out here!

Even so, we’re not gonna keep Glare in against a Ground-type, so let’s switch into Riptide. There’s no Rain this time, but a Water-type is a Water-type and STAB is STAB.

And it’s good that we switched into Riptide, because he took a Sand Tomb that was meant for Glare! That’s fine, but now Riptide can’t switch out- but, really, that’s also fine, we were about to Water Gun anyways.

But that doesn’t matter either, because he switched again back into Budew! I…honestly should have expected that, that’s exactly what happened last time.

With Sand Tomb in play though, I can’t exactly switch out easily…or at all. But maybe, by using Leer first, I can try to Bite it down?

GAAAH, NO NO NO! BAD IDEA! 

But wait- Riptide didn’t take damage from Sand Tomb that turn. I’m not super familiar with moves like Sand Tomb or Fire Spin or Whirlpool aside from the obvious “damage over time, can’t switch out” aspect, so…does Sand Tomb’s effect end if the Pokémon switches out? I know that’s how it works with Wrap, does the same apply to the other moves too?

Only one way to find out, for Riptide’s sake.

It’s true!! It worked!! Fern, you absolute FOOL, you did this to yourself by switching out the Sandile! And now, with someone else who can resist Budew’s Grass attacks (and isn’t paralyzed), we can start Gusting this thing down!

Perfect so far- and with a critical hit, that last Gust should definitely finish the-

AGAIN WITH THE TINY BIT OF RED LEFT!? EVEN AFTER A CRIT!? Do all these Pokémon just have good Special Defense? Is Breeze’s Special Attack just that bad? Is it both? THIS JOKE ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE!!

Aaaand now Breeze is paralyzed, wonderful. Can she also hit the last attack through the Paralysis? We’re gonna see, and this time we’re gonna use Quick Attack so the Speed drop from Paralysis won’t matter.

And she gets the kill, excellent!

So he’s bringing out the Sandile again, and this time…I think we’ll bring in Summer instead of Riptide, since Riptide’s health is still in the red and I don’t want to use a Potion just yet. With Growth, Summer can do decent damage with Mega Drain while undoing any damage Sandile does.

But you know what? I’m gonna be at least a little bit quirky and see if Summer can land a Grasswhistle, just to make things a little bit easier.

And it hits! Summer is now able to get in a free Growth before Sandile wakes up almost immediately after and does some decent chunks of damage with Power Trip- but you know what? Like I said earlier, Summer can just heal it back with boosted Mega Drain!!

And there we go! So that just leaves…

Rowlet. But this time, I’ve got some ideas on how to deal with it. Even when paralyzed, it’s your time to shine again, Glare!

Previous

Next

[donaweasley]

What If

Pairing: Loki x Fem! Avenger! Reader

Plot:

A silly game of “What-Ifs” between two friends eventually leads to the realisation that the future, if spent together, may not be as bleak as they had anticipated it to be. A dialogue-based best friends-to-lovers cliché.

Warnings: Relationship angst, too many dialogues, long read, happy ending!!!

Read time: ~28 mins

Author's Note:

It's a long read with far more dialogues than can be deemed healthy. The reason is, I didn't want their arc to feel rushed. It had to be cooked slow. Another reason is that, I can't help hearing my characters, and it triggers a flood of dialogues! I'm trying to work on controlling it. 😬 Hope you enjoy!

Now has a sequel: Their Little Secret

“C’mon! You’re breaking the rules now,” Loki casually waved his hand at his best friend.

“I’m not. There’s nothing to answer really,” (Y/N) replied with a shrug.

“There must be something on your mind!”

She pretended to think for a second, and shook her head.

---------------------

It was a usual night in the compound. It was just another night when one of these two friends had called the other in the middle of the night for some midnight snack. It was just another of those happy times when they had tiptoed into the kitchen like thieves because...no, no one would mind some missing nachos or ice creams, but because it was fun!

It wasn’t easy for Loki to open up to someone, let alone to allow the other person in. Neither was it easy for (Y/N) to trust somebody, given her past, especially when that somebody was infamous for betraying almost everyone, at every step, not to mention his attempts at ruling Earth and causing massacre.

But time is a healer and a magician.

And here they were now, looking at the moon-washed night life through the west-facing glass wall, and playing a game of “what-ifs”. One would say that it was silly and immature; some would even call their talks gibberish. But when the night was so relaxed and carefree, why wouldn’t they be?

The pale yellow orb hovering above the western horizon cast a soft ray of light through the glass wall. Oblivious to its movements across the room, Loki and (Y/N) were wrapped in a thin blanket on a couch, their feet resting on two separate pouffes.

It had all started with a silly question, something like, “What if you weren’t stuck in this building tonight?”, or something along those lines; they didn’t even remember correctly anymore.

One question led to the other, and soon they found themselves tangled in a game of questions that would have been enough to create an alternate reality. But eventually, they found themselves, not answering with imaginary scenarios, but debating over one particular question:

“What if you find the love of your life tomorrow?”

This question was posed by Loki, rather theatrically, amidst the many others that had tossed different possibilities of their near future. And it was here that (Y/N) refused to play along anymore because, as she stated, it was “the most silly question ever”.

---------------------

“So, you claim that my question is even worse than your ‘What if you were a Jotun cat’? What kind of a question is that anyway?” Loki teased.

“Of course, it is. Undoubtedly!” With one wave of her hand, (Y/N) dismissed his appeal.

“And how is that even logical, may I know?”

“C’mon, this entire game is out of the boundaries of logic,” she claimed. “Your behaviour is like that of a cat. Don’t make that face; it brings you closer to being a cat. And...a Jotun cat sounds cool!”

Loki sighed. “And my question is ridiculous! If the game is beyond all reason, then...” he shrugged, “say something...weird, and move on!”

“Fine! If I-if... If I meet the love of my life tomorrow,...I’ll stab him. Or her. Or them. I don’t even know.” She huffed.

“Ouch!” Loki made a face, ”Didn’t see that coming. I would enjoy the stabbing part though. Thank the Norns, you never declared your feelings for me!”

She looked at him sideways with a stern face. Loki noticed the irritation simmering just beneath her skin, ready to burst out at the next prodding.

“Hey,” he placed a hand on her arm, “what happened? Was it something I said?”

She turned her face away. But Loki wasn’t giving up that easily.

“(Y/N),” he gently tugged at her arm, “look at me.”

When she finally turned towards him, he held her by the shoulders just to make sure that she couldn’t move away again.

“Now, you’ll tell me everything. What happened?” He inquired again. “I thought you were having fun.”

“It’s nothing Loki, it’s just that...you know I don’t like discussing my non-existent love-life. It’s...it kind of makes me...sad sometimes. Especially in a setting like this!” She waved her hands at her surroundings. “I mean, look at it, a full moon, a silent night, blankets and… It just leaves me with this reminder that I’ll be alone all my bloody life!”

Loki’s hands slowly retracted from her form and folded themselves on his chest. And just like that, they both found themselves staring out of the window.

“I’m sorry,” Loki’s voice audibly reflected the guilt that had formed within, “I never intended to...”

“No, you shouldn’t be. It’s...I overreacted. I’m sorry, Loki. I just ruined the mood. Shit! And it’s not my hormones, mind you!”

“I know,” Loki chuckled. “And you did not ruin anything. It’s natural to feel, isn’t it?”

She looked at him with a raised brow, “Somebody’s learning!”

“Somebody’s got a good teacher,” he smiled.

“Aww!! I love it when you acknowledge my awesomeness!” She wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in closer, and pinched his cheek.

“Ugh! Let go of me! Let...go!!”

The room was filled with (Y/N)’s cackles and Loki’s threats as he wriggled out of her grip.

“Do that one more time, and I’ll stab you!”

But it wasn’t enough to stop her chortles.

“Would you now?” she teased, and raised her hands again in a faux attempt at squeezing his cheeks.

He swatted them away.

“Stop it!” He warned again, only to emanate snorts from her.

But the next second, his voice changed into a compassionate one, “Why do you think you’ll be alone all your life? How old are you anyway? 80? 90? Isn’t that supposed to be old in human years?”

Once again her cheerful mood fled behind a thick curtain of annoyance. But this time she did not look away. She simply rolled her eyes, and pulled her legs from the pouffe to sit cross-legged, and shifted to face him.

“No, I’m not that old. But why are you suddenly so interested in this topic?”

“Because suddenly, you seem to have found an interest in getting annoyed.”

“Then don’t annoy me.”

“Not in my nature, I’m afraid.”

She couldn’t decide whether to hit him or laugh at him.

“Loki-” She curled her fists and shut her eyes.

“I’m listening, darling,” he smirked.

Of course, she knew how stubborn Loki could be!

Who else would know that better than me?

“Okay,” she placed her palms flat on her thighs, “the thing is...I can never make a relationship last more than two years. I waste my time trying to establish a...a proper, long-lasting relationship - something permanent - and end up with a heartbreak. Every. Fucking. Time. I’ve given up. I’ve had enough! Now, even if anyone makes a move, or if I’m interested in someone, I just remind myself that it’s not gonna work! I just don’t put any effort anymore.”

Loki hummed in response; his eyes were focused on her as if he was trying to decipher a mystery.

“And,” she continued, “given my current ‘job’,” she air-quoted the word, “I’m more sure than ever that no one will last more than two months now!”

Once she voiced the storm in her head, her eyes softened and she looked down at her lap. Through hooded eyes, she stole a guilty, fleeting glance at her friend, who seemed to be musing about something really serious. His eyes were strained on the carpet, while his chin rested on a fisted hand balancing itself on his thigh.

For a long moment neither said anything. Only the distant buzz of the sleepless city floated through the air and filled the room.

It was Loki who disrupted the silence with a long and heavy sigh.

“I knew that Midgardian men were impatient, narcissistic-”

“Look who’s talking,” she smirked as she interrupted him.

He gave her a quick deadpanned stare before resuming, “-imbeciles, but I was beginning to think that they have good tastes in women. It’s disappointing, not surprising though, that they have proven me wrong.”

A small laugh almost made its way to its escape, but she pushed it back. “You think so?” She quipped.

He shrugged, “From what you’ve said, there is no reason to think otherwise.”

She sat a little straighter. “Really? Do go on!”

Loki immediately noticed the effect that he had planned for. Without giving away the joy of his small triumph, he continued, “Indeed! Look at you! You’re an amazing woman! You’re brave, witty, independent...smart...excellent with knives! And that’s my favourite thing about you, by the way. ”

Feigning offence, she exclaimed, “And I thought your favourite thing about me was that I tolerate all your tantrums, and keep up with your shenanigans.”

“I don’t throw tantrums, darling,” he pushed the accusation away with his silky tone, “and don’t tell me that you take no pleasure in the havoc that we wreck together.”

At this, she could no longer suppress the evil grin that spread across her face, “I do love a bit of chaos. It’s fun.”

“To think of it,” Loki added excitedly, “had you been on Asgard, you might have been the Goddess of Chaos!”

“Oh! Thank you!” She replied with a dramatic wave of her hands.

Both laughed at the way their words were unfolding.

“Thank you, Loki,” (Y/N) said after their little whirlwind of laughter had calmed down, “I guess I needed to hear something nice about myself. It’s been a long, long time since I heard it.”

“I meant every word of it,” he replied in a solemn tone that made something flutter in her chest.

Was it gratitude? Was it joy? Was it love for her best friend?

It was hard to tell. It seemed to be everything at once.

She simply smiled at him. “Even the ‘Goddess of Chaos’ part?”

“Especially that part,” he asserted, and she laughed.

“You’re the best, Loki!” She gave him a half hug.

“That, I definitely am. But you’re not too shabby yourself. And you should never ever be sad for someone else’s failure.”

“Alright, I get what you’re trying to do here,” she landed a playful punch to his shoulder. “I’m fine! Really! I just got a little carried away.”

“No, I really mean it,” he tried to assure her. “You are one of the most magnificent women I have known! And mind you, I’m rather picky in these cases.”

She laughed, “Of course, I’d know that! ... Loki, it’s...it’s alright. Some people just don’t have it in them to sustain relationships no matter how wonderful they are. I’m okay with it.”

“Come on! A narcissistic God is showering you with genuine compliments! And you’re still not convinced that it’s not your fault but of all those who failed to keep up with you?”

She tried another attempt at convincing him, “It works both ways.”

“Norns! I can’t believe you’re so foolish!”

“Enlighten me, please,” she drawled.

“I believe I have already established the fact that you are phenomenal.”

When she giggled and nodded, he carried on.

“Good. Now, your job, as you put it, shouldn’t be a hindrance in your relationship. You’re doing the marvellous job of being a guardian to thousands of people. People you don’t even know! How many would put their necks out there to do it?”

“C’mon, Loki, when duty calls, you have to leave everything behind and just go! Who’d tolerate that for days? They will snap one day.”

“I’d never do that!” Realizing his mistake, he quickly corrected himself, “What I mean is, had I been in their place, I’d have never done that.”

“That’s because you’re on the team,” she argued. “So, it’s normal to you.”

“No, it’s not because I’m on the team. I’d-” He sighed. “Fine, why don’t you try finding someone from this field? Stark’s parties are a great place to hunt humans.”

“‘Hunt humans’?” She snorted, “I like the sound of that. Nay, haven’t found anyone. Besides, mixing professional and personal life can be fatal. You never know when your personal life might get jeopardised because of a mission gone wrong. Y’know, the usual blame-game and all. I hate all that!”

Loki brooded over her words for a few seconds before asking, “I don’t get it. Why would it be fatal? I mean, look at us,” he gestured in between them. “We have a perfect understanding. We’d never blame the other for any petty thing. Or-or let it affect our friendship.”

“That’s because we have the perfect understanding, Loki! You said it yourself. It’s a rare thing that we have. And I can’t expect it to be with anyone else. They’re not you, Loki.”

“They’re not us,” he corrected her.

Joy seeped through his senses as he watched her face brighten up at his words.

With a nod, she continued, “You see, all that spark, excitement, promises - these sound really great at the beginning. As time passes, as the real world pushes in, love moves to the backseat. Love is not enough. There comes a time when you have to balance everything together, and love becomes one of those things. It becomes a chore.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow you,” Loki stated with a frown. “That sounds so sad!”

“It is!”

“Well, it shouldn’t be! Loving you shouldn’t be a chore! Let’s say...hypothetically...if I’m in love with you, then you’d be my passion. And passions never become a duty, not even in the worst of times. Instead, they help us breathe when everything comes caving in. You’d be my...my moment of peace in a war. How could I not be tempted to embrace this beautiful moment?”

“Unfortunately, Loki, that’s not how it works. See, when you have a lot on your plate, say your job, your dreams, your daily life and all the pressure that comes with these, you’ll find less and less time for your loved one. Things get hectic and eventually frustrating. You won’t be able to keep that flame alive even if you want to. And one day, you’ll come to realize that you have distanced yourself from your moment, even if you never wanted to. But it’d be too late. There’d be no going back.”

“I’d never distance myself from you! I mean, from my moment. I’ve been a king, and I know how taxing royal duties can be. Sometimes, it seemed like a luxury to get even a minute to myself.”

“See? So, how could you have found time for me?”

“I would have, darling. Not plenty, but whatever little time I’d have gathered, I’d have made them memorable. For you. For us. And maybe we could have gone on long rides occasionally. Rekindle the old flames? Or-or we could have gone on visits to other realms...for political reasons, of course, but could have taken the opportunity to spend a small vacation with each other. What do you say?”

Painfully tempting images of a life that could have been floated in her eyes.

“And what if we came back to Earth, and I got involved in...say, a job that was all hectic and left me all frustrated, and with little time for you?” She shrugged.

With a sigh, Loki shifted to face her fully. “We will take care of each other, (Y/N). If one gets low, the other pulls both up. And I know that together, we can do anything! I believe in you more than I believe in myself.”

She smiled brightly as she acknowledged, “That is...that sounds doable, yes.”

“You’re special,” he placed a hand on her cheek, “and you need to be treated in the most special manner. One that befits my queen.”

A moment passed between them as they looked into each other's eyes, both seeing the same beautiful picture.

His queen!

My queen!!

Wait, what is he...?

Damn! What am I doing! What will she...!

Loki cleared his throat as he abruptly pulled his hand back to his side.

“I’m sorry, I...”

“No, it’s okay,” she cringed at the way the words squeaked out of her. Clearing her throat, she continued, “We were just giving examples.”

“Yes, just examples,” he agreed.

“It’s fine! I understand.”

“Great! It’d have been quite...awkward...otherwise.”

“Oh no! It’s...uh...totally fine. We’re best buddies!” She gave his arm a light punch.

“Right!” He nodded, and focused his gaze on the floor.

After taking a minute to calm his heart, he wore his witty persona back.

“See, having a relationship is not at all tough. All you need is a good partner. And I’ve proved myself right again! No, wait. There’s something you mortals do. It’s...uh...about throwing something...”

“Goblets? We don’t do that. It’s you-”

“No, not throwing, it’s about dropping something...after you have proven a point...”

“...Mic drop?” She chuckled.

His eyes lit up.

“Yes! ‘Mic drop’. So, as I was saying, all you need to have a happy and successful relationship is a good partner. Mic drop!” He concluded as he mimicked the action.

She sighed. “There’s just one tiny problem. I’d probably never find the right person. The ones that flirt with me, don’t understand me, and the ones that understand me have friendzoned me.”

“I’ve never friendzoned you,” Loki quickly replied with a frown. “J-Just clarifying...in case you were talking about me.”

“Of course, I’m talking about you, you big oaf!” She flicked his arm.

“Hey! You friendzoned me.”

“No…? It was you! Well, yeah, I never tried to flirt with you or anything but...anybody could see that you were being just my friend.”

“I can say the same about you,” Loki playfully accused.

“Whatever,” she shrugged.

A thought started playing in her mind. And a couple of seconds later, she decided to say it aloud, “I...umm...Just curious...y’know, don’t take it in any other way. Did you ever think of flirting with me?” She put forward each word very cautiously.

Loki furrowed his brows, and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, she warned him, “Be honest!”

Immediately, his confident attitude changed into a helpless one. “Yes, I did. Maybe once. Or twice. But that was all! I assure you!”

She could hardly contain the amusement that was bubbling inside.

“What’s so funny about it?” Loki asked with furrowed brows.

“Nothing,” she shook her head as she tried to hold back her laughter, “nothing at all. It’s,” and then she lost it, “I’m sorry! It’s funny! I don’t know why, I find it funny hearing from you!”

“Look who’s laughing!” He said wryly. “I could clearly hear your thoughts the first few days after I stepped into this structure. Every compliment that your little mind cooed at my divine persona. And may I dare say that not all of them were decent.”

Her hysterics were long forgotten as her face went red at the comment.

“How dare you invade my mind?” Her hand had balled into a fist, ready to hit his arm when he caught it.

“I didn’t invade it, darling. You were practically shouting inside that pretty head of yours. I could have heard it from the other side of the planet!”

“That was a long time ago,” she refused to meet his eyes. “I make better choices and better decisions now.”

“Do you?”

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it without uttering a syllable, and crossed her arms.

Loki nudged her with his elbow. “Hey, it’s fun to tease you. Don’t be a spoilsport.”

“I hate you,” she peeked at him through the corner of her eye.

“What can I say,” Loki sighed. “Alright, if you say so.”

She smirked as she glanced at him sideways.

Loki cleared his throat in a not-so-subtle manner. “So, the next time Stark throws a party, I’ll find someone for you.”

Immediately, she face-palmed, and groaned, “No.”

“What?”

“Please drop this topic. And you’d probably find me a psychopath, anyway” She joked.

“That hurt!” Loki exclaimed with a hurt look masking his humour, “do you think so little of me? Can’t I find a proper partner for my best friend, my darling?”

“No, it didn’t hurt. Don’t fake it. I know you better than anyone.”

“No, you don’t. You-”

“I do. And...I’m fine, Loki” she reassured him, “being with myself, with the people here, being with you.” She gently bumped her knee into his.

“Will these be enough?” His tone had left the playfulness behind. “Will I be enough? For all your life?”

She shrugged, “I think so. You...stick with me all the time, you understand me, you...make me feel good. What more could I want to be happy?”

“You know what more you are missing. A friend can never touch the boundaries of what a lover can give you.”

“I don’t need a lover. Just be with me all my life, and I won’t need anyone else.”

He gave her hand a light squeeze. “I will. I promise.”

Her playful smile was back. “Thanks for all the pep talk, my dearest God. But turns out that I’m better off alone. Now can we please go back to the game? It’s my turn to ask you.”

“Alright,” he smiled back, “if you say so.”

“Stop saying that!” A defeated sigh left her. “You won’t be convinced, will you?”

“Probably not. Because I know that this will gnaw at you again a few days later. I know you’ll be sad again. And that I won’t allow on my watch.”

“God!”

“Right here, listening to you!” Loki quipped.

Rolling her eyes, she muttered, ”Damn you!” And proceeded to put forward a proper argument.

“The reason why I’m avoiding a new relationship is because I don’t want another heartache. I can’t handle breakups. That’s why I’m...”

When Loki didn’t make another attempt at dissuading her from her arguments, she added, “I just...try everything to avoid a heartbreak. Because when I get one, I lose control over myself.”

“Yes, I’ve seen. Once.”

“Then you must have noticed how vicious I become. Sarcasm drips from my mouth all the time, I say things that I shouldn’t, I...I hurt people. And in turn, I hurt myself. I yell at those who want nothing but good for me. But...”

“But being mean seems to be the only way to mask the pain,” he finished her line.

“It does, yes!”

She looked at him, and into his eyes that silently spoke of the pain that was resurfacing. She remembered something.

“You and I are so...alike!”

He nodded with a smile. “And maybe that is why we understand each other more than anyone ever could. … But we’re more than just being alike, if you think about it.”

She noticed how his voice gradually rose from its usual calmness to an excited tone, and his hands moved with his words.

Loki continued, “You point out my mistakes but don’t accuse me like everyone else does. You show me what’s right. And there’s this-this thing about you, which is so scary...the way you make me do all the things that you want. I-I mean, I am the God here! But you…a mortal...how can you have so much power over me?”

He sighed as his voice dropped to a compassionate tone, “You make me happy, (Y/N). You’ve taught me to forgive when I can, to forget what I can’t fix.”

“Don’t always do that,” she interrupted with a smirk.

His evil smile made a brief appearance before he resumed his warm note, “I like being with you. No...I love being with you! You make me feel good. You make me feel...I don’t know.... You make me feel…”

“Complete?”

“Yes!” He observed her, “You complete me.”

For yet another time, silence enveloped them. The only difference was that this time, it was comfortable. Even in their hushed moments, they could hear each other, know what the other wanted to say.

After a while of exchanging quiet stares, (Y/N) spoke, “All this time I believed, but now I know for myself, that you are indeed Silvertongue!”

Loki looked at his lap and laughed, but in the pale light of the setting moon, she noticed the pink that had crept up his ears and cheeks.

“I meant every word of what I said,” he reassured her once again that evening.

“I know, Loki.”

Loki watched her as she shifted to a kneeling position, and leaned towards him. He felt his face becoming hotter as she supported herself on his shoulder with one hand, and placed a soft kiss on his cheekbone.

As she settled back, her lips tingled with the memory of Loki’s skin on it.

They had been best friends, yes, but she had never allowed herself more than a quick hug because she knew that Loki wasn’t someone open to random touches. And she wanted to respect that. Always.

But this peck felt right. It felt necessary. And it felt...different.

What happened next wasn’t guided by logic anymore, but only by their senses.

Loki put his legs back on the pouffe, and scooted a little closer to (Y/N). Taking the cue, she shifted so that her leg was stretched out, and back on the pouffe - not on hers but his - and sat close to him. He arranged the blanket so that it covered them both again.

Another stretch of silence enveloped them. To them, the moment was beautiful. To Loki, who had never experienced anything similar before, it was precious. If he could stop time, he would have done it right then and there.

“Why haven’t you found anyone yet?” She asked him.

“Royalty has its disadvantages,” he replied without taking a moment to think.

She leaned back slightly to get a good look at his face, “Didn’t you ever find anyone from the royal...uh...what do you call it? Of royal blood?”

Loki laughed at her naivety. “Can’t say I didn’t. But none of them were the one. Besides, most people chose my handsome brother over me. And if anyone chose me, well, it was mostly because of my royal title. None of them were real.”

“That’s awful! I would never have done that to you! I’d have chosen you for the wonderful being that you are. But, I get it; happens on our planet, too.”

“Everywhere,” he asserted.

“So...who do you think is the one for you?”

He looked down at her face, which was mere inches away from his. For the first time in months of their friendship, he felt something swell inside his chest at the closeness.

“I still don’t know,” he whispered, “but I think the Norns might have started giving me clues.”

He didn’t need to explain, obviously. All the tension that had been building up throughout the night had placed them both on the same page.

Without thinking, Loki moved his wrist so that his palm was facing the ceiling. And instinctively, (Y/N) placed her hand in it, their fingers closing around each other.

"It's odd," she announced after a while.

"Indeed."

"It's weird. I mean, what were we even thinking!" She huffed, although she was still clutching his hand, as was he holding hers.

"Exactly what I was thinking. You and me?” Loki laughed nervously, “Come on!"

"Yeah!"

"Right".

Silence, their faithful companion for the night, visited them once again.

"Could it be? You and me?" Loki’s voice was a little more than a whisper, and bordered on the edge of confidence and doubt.

"Doesn't sound so bad. Not after all these... Talks?" She whispered back.

"Right!"

"Right."

And once again, they fell quiet.

The strangeness of the moment pushed them both into a whirlpool of thoughts. From acquaintances to partners to friends to best friends to...lovers?

Can this even be possible? What if it’s just a passing phase? What if everything goes back to normal tomorrow? Will we still be able to talk normally? But… This feels right. Just...right.

With a sigh, (Y/N) put her head on Loki’s shoulder.

"I don't want to rush into anything and ruin what we have," she confessed in a hushed tone, eyes staring into the night outside.

"Neither do I. You're the only one I have."

With a raised brow, she looked up at him.

"And Thor," he corrected himself with a small smile.

"Glad you remember him "

"Shut up.

Slowly, hesitantly, Loki put his free hand around her. Unsure of the appropriateness of the action, he kept his arm loosely hanging around her frame.

He waited for a while. Had Loki looked at her face, instead of looking straight ahead in fear, he would have noticed the small smile that had formed on her lips.

When she didn’t flinch or protest, he began to rest his arm properly but gently on her. He even went ahead and made the slightest possible effort to pull her closer to him.

The smile that had started forming on her now spread wide enough to turn into a grin. Its reflection was found on Loki’s face, too, who could finally muster the courage to look at her, although he was equally worried that she would be able to hear his heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest.

With every minute that passed, Loki became more baffled, for he couldn’t decide which moment he’d frame and hang on the wall of his heart as the most precious one.

"Are you feeling hot?" She asked without looking at him.

"A bit, yes. You, too?"

"Quite a bit, actually," she gulped.

"Is it normal?"

"I guess, yes. Totally! Had we been cool about it, it'd have meant that there's no spark between us. It’d have felt awkward, wrong."

"So, you agree that there's a spark between us?" He didn’t even attempt to hide the mischievous smirk that shone on his face.

"I had always suspected," she nodded.

"Hmm. When was the last time we went out for dinner?" He asked.

“Probably last month...or was it-”

(Y/N)’s head snapped up to look at him. She could barely put a lid on her excitement.

"Are you proposing to take me out on a date?"

"Well, if we are going to do this, then I'd like to court you properly."

She felt like she'd burst out of sheer excitement.

"If you'd agree to it, that is" Loki clarified.

Taking a large breath, she replied, "I'd love it."

The night was going better than either had expected. Who would have thought that a game of weird questions and a few confessions could change their lives!

(Y/N) put her head back on his shoulder, and let her body slump against him. He held her confidently this time.

“It still feels weird though,” she declared.

“It does, yes, but...maybe this is...right?” In a long time, Loki was hopeful about something, and he wasn’t going to let it slip away. No.

“I hope so.”

“Me, too.”

“Just so you know,” she sat up straight, “Thor is handsome, yes, but you are devilishly charming. You’re intelligent, well-read, witty, sarcastic, great at combat...uh...”

“Go on,” Loki smirked, earning a playful glare from her.

“You are,” she continued, “seductive! And who can resist a sorcerer who knows his way around everything!”

The evil smile that Loki had put away found its way back on his face. “As far as I remember, I did nothing to seduce you. I wonder what will happen if I try...”

“Shut up, Loki! You know I give away raw compliments. I didn’t really mean...I didn’t think...”

He laughed heartily at the furious way she was blushing.

“I was only pulling your leg. I had imagined you to be wise,” he clarified.

“I am! It’s just... I was...” She shook her head.

“So,” Loki resumed, “you think I’m devilishly charming?”

“Drop the topic, please!”

“You can’t resist my sorcery, ha?”

“Please change the topic! Forget what I said!!”

Loki laughed as he continued teasing her. It wasn’t going to be an easy ride, she realized, with the God of Mischief, but it was going to be the best ever!

“(Y/N)?”

“Hmm?”

“I know it was your turn to ask but, what if...you and I are indeed meant to be together?”

She smiled as she rubbed her cheek on his shirt, “I think we’ll have a gorgeous future together. And...I’d love that more than anything else.”

---------------------

The next morning...

“Morning, Wanda-”

“Shh! Shh!!” The red-haired witch silenced Natasha, and pointed towards the couch.

Curious, Natasha’s eyes followed the direction that Wanda’s finger was pointing at.

There, snuggled in a blanket, fast asleep, sat (Y/N) and Loki, their legs spread on a pouffe, tangled with each other’s. Loki’s arm was wrapped around her shoulder while she was holding his waist. Her head lay on his chest and his on hers.

“Aren’t they cute?” Wanda whispered.

Before Nat could reply, Tony’s voice cut the conversation.

“Who’s cute?”

This time, both the ladies shushed him, leaving a perplexed expression on his once sleepy face.

When they pointed towards the couch, Tony huffed, “These two! God knows what’s taking them so long to realise! They’re just so-” His face lit up. “Know what? I have an idea! I’ll make them confess. Who’s up for it?”

***

Now has a sequel: Their Little Secret

And...a song for keeping the feelings floating...💕

[janecrockeyre]

scum villain is a greek tragedy disguised as a regular tragedy disguised as a comedy disguised as a danmei

this is going to be long, and this is only PART ONE.

a.k.a, Analysing the plot of Scum Villain’s Self Saving System through Aristotle’s Poetics, because I Have Mental Issues

Part One: Introduction and the Tragic Hero

Scum Villain’s Self Saving System is a tragedy disguised as a comedy, unless you’re Shen Yuan, in which case it’s a mixture of a romance and a survival horror. It's a fever dream. It's a horrible, terrible book that made me feel new undiscovered emotions when I finished reading it. 

The thing is... SVSSS shares characteristics with some of the most famous tragedies in the West, such as Oedipus Rex, Medea, Antigone, the Oresteia... if you haven’t read these, I’ll explain everything. But the gist of my argument is this: SVSSS is the perfect tragedy. In triplicate. 

Tragedy as a genre is old as balls and so it has meant slightly different things to different people over the last few thousand years. I'll be focusing on ancient Greek tragedy, which was performed at the yearly Festival of Dionysus in Athens during the 500-350s BC (give or take a hundred years). Aristotle, when writing about this very specific subset of tragedy, had no idea that one day Scum Villain would be written, and then that I would be using his work as a way to look at Shen Qingqiu’s Funky Transmigration Mistake. Anyway!

Greek tragedy greatly influenced European dramatic tradition. I have a lot of opinions about white academics idolising and upholding the classics as the "paragon of culture" but I'll withhold them for now. I have no idea if MXTX has read Greek tragedy or not, so don't take this as me saying they are writing it. 

In my opinion, tragedy is a universal human constant. We are surrounded by pain and hurt and none of it makes any sense, so we seek to process that pain through drama, art, literature, etc. We want to understand why pain happens, and how it happens, and try to make sense of the senseless. The universe is cold and cruel and random. Tragedy eases some of that pain. 

On that note: Just because I am analysing Scum Villain through a Greek lens doesn't mean that it was written that way. I'm pasting an interpretation onto the book when there's probably a very rich and deep history of Chinese tragedy that I just don't know about. If you ever want to talk about that, please, god, hit me up, I would love to learn about it!! 

Anyway, tragedy. MXTX is excellent at it! Mo Dao Zu Shi? Painful dynastic family tragedy. Heaven Official's Blessing? Mostly romance, but she managed to get that pure pain in there, huh? 

But in my opinion, Scum Villain holds the crown for the most tragic of her stories. MDZS was more of a mystery. TGCF was more of a romance. Neither of them shy away from their tragic elements. 

Scum Villain would fit right in between the work of Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus. How? Let me show you. Join me on my mystery tour into the world of "Aristotle Analyses Danmei..."

Part One: The Tragic Hero

What is a tragic hero? Generally, Greek tragic heroes are united by the same key characteristics. He must be imperfect, having a "fatal flaw" of some kind. He must have something to lose. And he must go from fortune to misfortune thanks to that fatal flaw. 

There are two (technically three) tragic protagonists in SVSSS and all of them are tragic in different but formulaic ways. Each protagonist has their own version of “hamartia” or a “fatal flaw”. 

Actually, hamartia isn’t necessarily a flaw - rather, it is a thing which makes the audience pity and fear for them, a careful imperfection, a point of weakness in the character’s morality or reasoning that allows for bad things to happen to them. For example, in Oedipus Rex, the king Oedipus has a “fatal flaw” of always wanting to find the truth, but this isn’t exactly a flaw, right? Note: this flaw can be completely unwitting, as we see with Shen Yuan. It can also be something that the protagonist is born with, some kind of trait from birth or very young. 

Shen Yuan

Shen Yuan’s “hamartia” is his rigid adherence to fate and his inability to read a situation as anything but how he thinks it ought to be. He believes that Bingmei will grow into Bingge, and it takes several years, two deaths, and some truly traumatising sex to convince him otherwise. 

Shen Jiu

Shen Jiu’s fatal flaw is his cruelty. It is his own sadistic treatment and abuse of Binghe which directly leads to his eventual dismemberment. This is kind of a no-brainer. Of course, it isn't all that simple, and as an audience we pity him for his cruelty as much as we fear it because we know it comes from his own abuse as a child. This just makes him even more tragic. Delicious. 

Luo Binghe

Luo Binghe’s fatal flaw is a complicated mix of things. It is his position as the “protagonist” which compels him to act in certain ways and be forced to suffer. It is his half-demonic heritage, something entirely out of his control, which sets in motion his tragic reversal of fortune when he gets yeeted into the Abyss. He also, much like Shen Yuan, has the propensity to jump to conclusions and somehow make 2 + 2 = 5. 

As well as having their respective “flaws”, all three protagonists match the rough outline of a good tragic hero in another way: they are in a position of great wealth and power. Even when you split the different characters into different “versions”, this still holds true. Yes, Luo Binghe is raised a commoner by a washerwoman foster mother, but his dad is an emperor and he also ends up becoming an emperor himself. 

Yes, Shen Jiu is an ex-slave and a victim of abuse himself, but Shen Qingqiu is a powerful peak lord with an entire mountain’s worth of resources at his back. 

Shen Yuan is a second generation new money rich kid. 

Bingge is a stereotypical protagonist with a golden finger. Bingmei is a treasured and loved disciple with a good reputation and a privileged seat by his shizun’s side. 

In a tragedy, having this kind of good fortune at the beginning of your story is dangerous. Chaucer says that tragedy is (badly translated into modern english) “a certain story / of him that stood in great prosperity / and falls out of high degree / into misery, and ends up wretchedly”. If we follow this line of thinking, a good tragedy is about someone who has a lot to lose, losing everything because of one fatal point of weakness that they fail to address or understand. 

If we look at Shakespeare, this is what makes King Lear such a fantastic tragic protagonist. He is a king in control of most of England, who from his own lack of wisdom and excess of pride, decides to split his kingdom apart to give to his daughters, favouring his murderous, double crossing progeny, and condemning his only actually filial daughter to death. He loses his kingdom, his mind, and his beloved daughter, all because of his own stupidity.

This brings us to:

Part Two: Peripeteia

This reversal of fortunes is called peripeteia. It is the moment where the entire plot shifts, and the hero’s fortunes go from good to bad. Think of it like one of those magic eye puzzles, where you stare at the image until a 3D shark appears, except you realise the shark was always there, you just couldn't ever see it, waiting for you, hungry, deadly, always lurking just behind that delightful pattern of random blue squiggles. 

Each tragic hero has their own moment of peripeteia in SVSSS, sometimes several:

Shen Qingqiu

In the original PIDW, SQQ’s peripeteia presumably occurs when he finds out that Bingge didn’t perish in the Abyss but has actually been training hard to come and pay him back. There’s really not much I’m interested in saying here - as a villain, OG!SQQ is cut and dry, and the audience doesn’t really feel any pity or fear for him. As Shen Yuan often mentions, what the audience feels when they see OG!SQQ is bloodlust and sick satisfaction. There is also the trial at Huan Hua Palace, which I will talk about in Shen Yuan’s section. 

Shen Yuan (SQQ 2.0)

One of SY’s most poggers moment of peripeteia is the glorious, terrifying section between hearing Binghe for the first time after the Abyss moment, and getting shoved into the Water Prison. 

“Behind him, a low and soft voice came: “Shizun?”

Shen Qingqiu’s neck felt stiff as he slowly turned his head. Luo Binghe’s face was the most frightening thing he had ever seen.

The scariest thing about it was that the expression on his face was not cold at all. His smile wasn’t sharp like a knife. Rather, it showed a kind of bone-deep gentleness and amiability.”

This is the moment of true horror for Shen Yuan, because he knows what happens next: the plot unfurls before him, inevitable and painful, and he knows that death awaits him at Luo Binghe's hands (lol). Compare it with the bone deep certainty with which he faces his own downfall during the sham of a trial later in the chapter (I’ve bolded the important part):

“In the original work, Qiu Haitang’s appearance signified only one thing: Shen Qingqiu’s complete fall from grace. [...] Shen Qingqiu’s heart streamed with tears. Great Master… I know you’re doing this for my own good, but I’ll actually suffer if she speaks her words clearly. This truly is the saying “not frightened of doing a shameful deed, just afraid the ghost (consequences) will come knocking”!”

After the peripeteia is usually the denouement where the plot wraps up and the threads are all tied together leaving no loose ends, but because this tragedy isn’t Shen Yuan’s but the former Shen Jiu’s, it’s impossible to finish. 

Shen Yuan cannot provide the meaningful answers that the narrative demands because 1) he doesn’t have any memory of doing anything, and 2) he wasn’t the person who did them. Narratively, he cannot follow the same path as the former SQQ because he lacks the same fatal flaw: cruelty. 

This is why Binghe doesn’t kill him - because he loves him, rather than despises him. And this is why Shen Yuan has to sacrifice himself and die for Luo Binghe in order to save him from Xin Mo: because the narrative demands that denouement follows peripeteia, and SQQ’s fate is in the hands of the narrative. 

(Side note: I believe that this literal death also represents the death of OG!SQQ's tragic arc. The body that committed all those crimes must die to satisfy the narrative. SQQ must die, like burning down a forest, so that new growth can sprout from the ashes. After this, Shen Yuan's story has more room to develop instead.)

It must happen to show Bingmei that SQQ loves him too. And this brings us to Bingmei.

Bingmei

Bingmei has two succinct moments of utter downfall. The first is a literal fall - his flaw, his demonic heritage, leads his beloved shizun to throw him down into the Abyss. From his point of view, SQQ is punishing him simply for the status of his birth. He rapidly goes from being loved and cherished unconditionally, to being the victim of an assassination attempt. 

He realises that he is totally unlovable: that for the crimes of his species that he never had a hand in, he must pay the price as well: that his shizun is so righteous that no matter what love there was between them, if SQQ sees a demon, he will kill it. Even if that demon is Bingmei. 

The second moment is when SQQ dies for him. Again, from his point of view, he was chasing after a man who was struggling to see him as a human being. Shen Qingqiu’s death makes Bingmei realise that he has been completely misunderstanding his shizun: that SQQ would literally die for him, the ultimate act of self sacrifice from love: that SQQ loved him despite his demon heritage. 

Much like King Lear holding the corpse of his daughter and wailing in sheer grief and pain because he did this, he caused this, Bingmei gets to hold his shizun's cold body and cry his eyes out and know that it was his fault. (Kind of.)

(Yes, I’m bringing Shakespeare into this, no I am not justifying myself)

Maybe I'm a bit sadistic, but that scene slaps. Let me show you a comparison of scenes so you get the picture. 

Re-enter KING LEAR, with CORDELIA dead in his arms; EDGAR, Captain, and others following

KING LEAR

Howl, howl, howl, howl! O, you are men of stones:

Had I your tongues and eyes, I'ld use them so

That heaven's vault should crack. She's gone for ever!

I know when one is dead, and when one lives;

She's dead as earth. Lend me a looking-glass;

If that her breath will mist or stain the stone,

Why, then she lives.

[...]

 KING LEAR

And my poor fool is hang'd! No, no, no life!

Why should a dog, a horse, a rat, have life,

And thou no breath at all? Thou'lt come no more,

Never, never, never, never, never!

Pray you, undo this button: thank you, sir.

Do you see this? Look on her, look, her lips,

Look there, look there!

Dies

Versus this scene in SVSSS: 

Luo Binghe turned a deaf ear to everything else, greatly agitated and at a loss of what to do. He was still holding Shen Qingqiu’s body, which was rapidly cooling down. It seemed like he wanted to call for him loudly and forcefully shake him awake, yet he didn’t dare to, as if he was afraid of being scolded. He said slowly, “Shizun?”

[...]

Luo Binghe involuntarily held Shen Qingqiu closer.

He said in a small voice, “I was wrong, Shizun, I really… know that I was wrong.

“I… I didn’t want to kill you…”

PAIN. SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL PAIN. Yes, I know Shakespeare isn’t Athenian, but he was inspired by the good old stuff and he also knew how to write a perfect tragedy on his own terms. Anyway. I’ll find more Greek examples later.

This post was a bit all over the place, but I hope it has been fun to read. Part Two will be coming At Some Point, Who Knows When. This is a bit messy and unedited, but hey, I’m not getting paid or graded, so you can eat any typos or errors. Unless you’re here to talk to me about Chinese tragedy, in which case, please pull up a seat, let me get you a drink, make yourself at home.

ps: if you want to retweet this, here is the promo tweet!