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fr-martin-gospel-reflections · 2 years

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23rd October - ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner’, Reflection on today’s gospel reading (Lk 18:9-14)

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time

When the Queen of England died last month, the importance of prayer in her life was commented upon. Her relationship with the Lord, expressed through prayer, was central to her life. People of faith will always pray. If we believe in the Lord, we will want to speak to him, to ask his help, to thank him for his gifts. We will also want to listen to him, to hear what he may want to say to us. We often pray on our own, in silence, but we also pray with others, aloud, as we are doing at this Mass. Our relationship with the Lord is one we share with others, which is why we come together to pray, but it is also very personal to each one of us, which is why we need to pray on our own from time to time.

The parable that Jesus speaks in today’s gospel reading is about two people who went up to the Temple in Jerusalem to pray. Their prayers were very different. How we pray often says something about how we are relating to God, how we think God is relating to us. The Pharisee was clearly a very good man. He did more than most Jews would have done. He fasted twice a week, whereas an observant Jew would have fasted once a week. He paid a tithe on all his possessions, whereas most Jews people would pay the tithe on certain products only, not on everything. He was completely dedicated to doing God’s will, as he understood it. He thanked God for being able to live such a good life, because he sensed that he could not do this without God’s help. We might think he is being boastful, but his prayer of thanksgiving to God for his good life, for delivery him from evil, was very valid. We could all thank God for giving us the strength to walk in his way, to do his will. After all, in today’s second reading, Saint Paul could say, as he comes to the end of his life, ‘I have fought the good fight, I have run the race to the finish, I have kept the faith’. He is not being boastful; he is simply acknowledging his own reality. If there is a flaw in the prayer of the Pharisee, it is it’s judgmental tone. He looks down on others, those he refers to as the grasping, the unjust, the adulterous, and, in particular, he looks down on the tax collector who was standing some distance from him, also praying. His prayer showed that he was too dismissive of people who didn’t seem to measure up to his own high standards.

The other person praying was a tax collector. He collected taxes on behalf of the Romans, the occupying power. As a result, he was very unpopular with other Jews who would have seen him as a traitor. The prayer of the tax collector was much shorter and simpler than the Pharisee’s prayer, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner’. Just like the Pharisee, he began his prayer by addressing God. However, his primary awareness was not of any good he had done, but of the good he was failing to do and the harm he was actually doing to others. He was aware that he was falling far short of what God wanted for him. In his prayer, he didn’t compare himself with anyone else, saying, ‘I may be bad, but there are plenty of people worse than me’. No, he simply acknowledged his own poverty of spirit and threw himself on the mercy of God. He know he had nothing to offer God; he can’t list off the good things he has done. He only knows that he has much to receive from God. He is aware of his dependence on God for everything, especially for mercy. He came before God empty handed. As a result, he was open to receiving God’s gift. That is why, Jesus says, ‘this man went home at rights with God’, whereas the other, the Pharisee, did not. In the words of today’s first reading, ‘the humble person’s prayer pierces the clouds’.

There is something in the attitude of the tax collector that Jesus clearly admires and wishes to hold up before his disciples, before all of us, and it is that attitude of humility. Humility is not about putting ourselves down. It is about acknowledging our own reality, both the goodness in us, the good work that God is doing in our lives, and our failings, the journey we have yet to travel in order for God to bring that good work in our lives to completion. We are all a work in progress. The parable in today’s gospel reading calls on us not to compare ourselves with others in ways that make us think we are better than anyone else. The only one we can compare ourselves with is the Lord, and when we do that we realize our need to keep praying the simple but profound prayer of the tax collector, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner’. Today is Mission Sunday, and it is that attitude of heart that will help us make us good missionaries, witnesses to the Lord’s merciful love.

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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LUCKY PAIR

a/n: another one :)

pairing: Sebastian Stan X Reader

word count: 1.5k

This fic is part of the LITTLE ONE series, but can be read as a simple oneshot as well! Find the masterpost of the series HERE!

masterlist

Sebastian has always been a humble man. Growing up, with a strong and loving family background, he never really left the path that leads to good manners and appreciation even for the smallest things in life. Not even becoming a successful actor could change the way he sees and feels grateful for everything he has and achieved.

There were times when he thought he wouldn’t find the person he could settle with, feel comfortable enough around to spend the rest of his life with. Let alone start a family with. That was until he met you.

From the very start he felt a sense of belonging to you, like you pulled him in, so easily and fast, enchanted him and simply made him yours. And he didn’t mind it, not even a bit. Dating you has been such a different experience than his previous relationships. As if it made him realize how shallow and loose they were, but now he had the chance to taste what real love is like. With all the good and bad, the two of you have been sharing such a deep connection since the beginning that put his previous dating experiences to shame.

Now that you are pregnant and engaged, Sebastian has been immensely overwhelmed with how amazing his life is getting, all thanks to you. He is amazed by everything about the road to becoming parents, all the changes and challenges, he feels like it all led him to this exact point in life. What he likes the most about it however is you. Seeing you grow your baby, see the growth and the changes every day, the miracle of life happening right in front of his eyes. And he is still having a hard time believing that you chose him to do all of this with, to have the most beautiful gift of life with him.

He has always admired you in many ways, you’ve been a fascinating creature to him from the very beginning and he loved learning new things about you, things that made him fall in love with you even more. After spending years together he could still look at you with the same amount of love he did when you were just getting to know each other. But then came the pregnancy and Sebastian found himself falling deeper than ever.

He has often found himself looking at you with his heart full and chest warm at the oddest moments. When you were doing your skincare routine in the evening, standing in front of the mirror, putting on all the different products, he always has a great view of you from the side, sitting on the bed and he loves how he saw your belly get bigger each time, as you went through the same steps. Or the way you always scratch the lower part of your bump every morning as your good morning to the baby, humming to yourself with your eyes still closed in the soft morning light that floods the bedroom through the massive windows. Or how you draw a little heart on your tummy with your lotion before spreading the scream all over your skin. All these little things have had him melting, so thankful that he gets to see and experience it. With you.

Now the two of you are having a lazy Sunday, Sebastian has been watching a football game on TV and you are sitting next to him, your laptop on the top of a pile of pillows next to you, your legs crossed underneath you as you’re typing away on the keyboard. You’re wearing your reading glasses you recently got and for what he nagged you forever to finally get, but you refused to, feeling like you’re a little too young to have reading glasses. But then you realized you really did need them when you had trouble reading emails on your phone. You gave in and bought a pair, the transparent frame is a subtle accessory on your pretty face. Sebastian hasn’t told you, but it’s doing things to him, especially when you push them up to the top of your head, keeping your unruly hair back with them from your forehead. However now it makes you appear more on the cute side rather than the sexy, though that aspect is still there as well.

You’re snacking on some veggie chips, your latest craving that now takes up half of the pantry, reading something your mother has sent you about the wedding that will only take place after the baby is born, but she’s been so excited about it, she’s been bombarding you with ideas she finds online. You don’t mind it, carefully reading everything she proposes to you and then leaving comments and suggestions of your own before sending it back to her.

You’re wearing an oversized shirt with no pants on, just your underwear, your legs bare and looking so soft and squishy, Sebastian is having a hard time not to reach out and feel them with his own hands.

It’s so domestic, so mundane and simple, seeing you like this in the comfort of the home the two of you share, yet in this moment he feels like he is on top of the world. He swears he could cry from happiness when he looks at you in this state and he wishes he could preserve this moment forever.

He watches you reach into the bag, your eyes still on the screen, but then you realize that the chips is gone and you pout softly, giving the now empty bag a sad look. It’s just then that you notice him watching you instead of the game on the TV.

“What is it?” you ask with a shy, confused look. Sebastian shakes his head, smiling to himself as he leans closer, his lips meeting the corner of your mouth in a soft, chaste kiss.

“Nothing. You want me to grab another bag for you?”

“Ah, no. I shouldn’t even have eaten this bag,” you mumble under your breath, pursing your lips.

“Just eat it if you want it, Doll. There’s nothing wrong about it.”

“Don’t tempt me, I’ve already put on so much baby weight!” you warn him playfully, making him chuckle.

“That’s alright. You still look beautiful,” he assures you, making your heart flutter in your chest. As a reply, you just give his hand a squeeze before returning to your laptop, starting to type away, but Sebastian can’t stop himself from staring still. Licking your lips you notice his gaze again, feeling a little shy under his inspecting stare.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” you start guessing, but he shakes his head no, a hand reaching out to finally grab your bare thigh, his fingers deliciously sinking into your flesh.

“No, I just…” he sighs. “You’re so beautiful and I love you so much. That’s it.”

Your cheeks immediately heat up at his words, not sure where all of this affection is coming from all of a sudden.

“Stop, I didn’t even shower this morning,” you huff awkwardly. You just simply couldn’t muster up the energy to undress, shower and dress again, so you decided to skip, now Sebastian is treating you like a princess.

“I really don’t care,” he smirks, reaching up his palm cups the side of your face, his thumb running across the soft skin under your eye. He simply can’t fight this sudden wave of sentimentality, not that he wants to. Showing his love and affection has always been important for him and he will not shy away from letting you know how he feels. “I know I’ve said this before, but… I really am one lucky man.”

“You always say this as if I’m doing you a favor by being with you, but it’s mutual, Seb,” you softly tell him. Abandoning your laptop you scoot closer until he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, your sides pressed up against each other. “I’m lucky to have you too.”

“Yeah? So you’re not sick of me yet?” he teases you playfully, pressing his fingers into your side, making you jump a little.

“You think I would have said yes if I was?” you ask, holding up your hand, the diamond ring sitting not so subtly on your finger.

“Maybe you said yes just because I knocked you up,” he prompts and you smack his chest, making him laugh.

“Stop that! As if we weren’t already planning to have a baby, sometime soon,” you mock him, narrowing your eyes at him and smirking down at you he just kisses your forehead.

“I know, I know. I’m just still kinda looking for the explanation how someone like you ended up with me.”

“Oh please! Thousands of women were devastated when it got out that you’re off the market,” you scoff at his comment. “I should be thinking about the how, not you.”

“I guess we are… a lucky pair then, huh?” he smirks as you snake a hand behind his neck, pulling him down so your lips meet in a smearing kiss.

“Mm, the luckiest,” you grin against his lips.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan oneshot #sebastian stan one shot #sebastian stan blurb #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x y/n #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes x you

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henqtic · 3 years

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learning- d.m

- summary: one where Draco learns how to do your hair, you being a poc- more specifically a black girl with curly hair :)

- word count: 1.4k

- warnings: mentions of being insecure about your hair

- more works with black/ poc readers → Hat & “just one more hour”

- masterlist | gif creds | taglist form |

——

“Draco I love you but— just not that much,” you said through a grimace, only making him roll his eyes again.

Draco was always one to offer you help on wash days, knowing how much time it took you to do all of that on your own and honestly, you appreciated that.

But today as the conditioner was getting combed through your hair, he brought up the idea of doing it for you— And no he didn’t mean the basic task of combing a product through your hair, but he meant actually doing it.

And it wasn’t that you thought he could... Of course not. And as dramatic as it sounds, you didn’t want to take the risk. What you mean by that is that Draco is someone you would classify as a mom friend.

Being called a mom friend wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, it was one of those good titles that any person would want to have in a friend group. And even though Draco didn’t seem like the type, he was always that person to make sure everyone else was taken care of— even if it was in his own way.

It could vary from making sure everyone’s assignments were done in time to them eating enough and the really surprising one— comforting people.

And you could tell that he wasn’t completely comfortable or familiar with it but he tried his best when he needed to.

You had caught him many times in some corner trying to comfort some first year Slytherins a few days into the school year because they missed their parents and when he did see you, he’d give you a look of ‘this never happened’.

But being a mom wasn’t an easy job, there were times where’d they’d get angry because a kid had the great idea to draw on the walls instead of on the paper right beside them. And to say Draco fit that role perfectly was an understatement.

He once not only scolded Daphne for forgetting her sunscreen when you went on a trip to the beach but he also provided her a lengthy lecture on how she could’ve easily have gotten sunburned and we would’ve had to drive around with a flaky friend.

You couldn’t lie that it was amusing to see an adult get scolded by another adult like a five year old but to be on the receiving end didn’t sound too fun.

——

And you had to admit that sometimes you did miss that routine you had with your mom on early Sunday mornings.

She’d tell you to get the bucket of hair supplies and you’d take your place to sit in between her legs, allowing her to start combing and brushing your hair into whatever style she saw fit for the next few days.

The small conversations that were held between you and her weren’t important in any way— you couldn’t remember half of the words spoken now but it meant a lot to you in the sense that it was a calm- ish period for you and her to talk about mother and daughter things.

But every good thing just had to have a downside and this one was a shared experience amongst many people in your community.

Uncooperative hair.

And it seemed that you had one of the most. You tried, really, but you could never keep your head still or neck at a specific angle for too long, and that only led to hair tugging and you in almost tears.

And maybe thinking was a little flawed. But you were still scared that Draco would do just the same if you allowed him.

And that’s exactly what you voiced and of course, he said that wasn’t a good enough argument and continued to go on and on about all of the reasons you should let him and how it would have benefits for the both of you.

——

“You know, it would show how much I care,” he said, providing yet another reason as to why you should let him do it.

“You’re showing how much you care right now— I promise,” you assured, eyes skimming the bathroom to find the heated shower cap.

“But what if there’s a day where you’re too tired to do it and then I could do it all by myself?”

He was close to convincing you but he failed to remember the fact that there actually were days where you were too tired to do it but you still woke up very early just to do some style that you had set in your mind.

And even then, your eyes were barely opened so if you had to do it now, you would be too phased.

“What about our future kids? What’s supposed to happen when I have no idea how to do their hair?”

Kids. They weren’t something you actively talked about but it was for sure something you wanted to have in the future. And he was right, even if you didn’t want to admit it.

Even if the hair type that he had was far from many black people, it wouldn’t make sense for a child’s own father to not know the basic needs of their hair— including how to do it.

“Fine— but if I feel one tug I won’t hesitate to get up and leave,” you threatened, pointing a comb at him and playfully narrowing your eyes at him to add effect. He only snatched it out of your hand while smiling in success and happiness.

“You won’t regret it.”

Deja vu; it was the only term that could describe what you were feeling at this moment of finding yourself in between someone’s legs, waiting for them to do your hair.

And while Draco was a little clueless, it was cute. You really didn’t mean to laugh when asked what happened to one of the combs that were missing a third of its teeth, but the look of pure shock on his face was too funny for you to resist the laugh that bubbled out.

And telling the truth, the experience wasn’t half as bad as you expected it to be. There weren’t too many snags or tugs along the way or rough actions— it was calm and gentle. And having to assist him on what product to put on your hair and when to do it was rare.

It was heartwarming really, knowing that he had actually been paying attention when he’d sit there and watch you in the bathroom for an hour or so after your hair had been washed.

That he had been listening when you’d rant about how hard it was dealing with your hair and how it would never look the right way even though there is no right way for natural hair to look.

It was the pure knowledge that he actually meant the words he spoke to you that made you so happy; how he’d hold your face in both of his hands and tell how beautiful both you and your hair were and the only reason you should ever think about relaxing it was if you wanted to do it for yourself and not because it would be more accepted by judge full eyes.

It was nice to know that he wasn’t just saying those things because he felt some sort of obligation but that it came from the heart.

——

Nothing could’ve prepared you for what you were looking at now; not only did your hair look moisturized but the style had come out somewhat good.

You were a little surprised and Draco noticed that too. “You look surprised,” he pointed out in a smug tone, eyes finding their way to look into your wide ones through the mirror. “I’m not surprised, I'm just— how did you do so well?” You questioned, body turning to face his.

“Love don’t tell me you— Di- Did you really doubt me?” He gasped, dramatically placing his right hand over his heart to further feign his ‘hurt’.

“Okay, I did doubt you in—”

gasp

“In the beginning, but now that I actually saw how you did, I regret it. And thank you for being willing to learn,” you continued, this time not getting interrupted by his dramatics.

“It was the least I could do for you,” he assured, leaning down to press a quick kiss to your cheek. “Me and your mum weren’t talking about your abnormally sized head for nothing.”

“Hey! My head is a perfectly normal size.”

“Yeah alright,” he said unconvinced, cracking his knuckles and shaking his hand. “My hands had to pay the price too.”

“You're an idiot Draco—”

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ledenews · 7 months

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Santorine: The Scoreboard Never Lies About Wins, Losses, and Ties

“What gets measured gets done.” It's invariably in the top 10 of business thoughts along with “If not you, who?” and, “If not now, when?” Watching the Super Bowl last Sunday, the commentators had an amazing array of performance numbers, statistics and best of records for every player on the field. This is true for football, baseball, soccer, hockey … you name it, and there is a measure for about every aspect of every position, every play, and every quarter, inning or period. Business people like their numbers and abbreviations, too. Today, they like to call them “Key Performance Indicators,” or KPI’s It’s an old concept that today’s generation has made their own. Early in my career, I was tasked with saving an aging manufacturing company. The previous management was highly secretive and didn’t share any performance data. The entire company just droned on in a 1950’s kind of way with no unified direction or goals. It was depressing. The first thing I did was get a scoreboard. It was placed over the employee entryway. Since I had everyone clock in (me included), everyone saw it. There was a “score” for manufacturing, one for sales, and engineering had a time schedule for all new products. Everyone saw them every day, and there was a good-natured competition. If sales were behind, you can bet they were chided by manufacturing, and vice-versa. They had clearly stated goals that were on public display. With the right team, you set the goals, and the team almost performs on its own. In sports, it’s all about wins, losses and ties. It’s the same thing in about everything we do in life. Do we have more members than last year? How much is in the treasury? How many people have we helped this year? How much have we donated to charity? Simple numbers that convey the relative health of your business, your club, your family, or our government. Yes, it feels good when there is money left at the end of the month, as opposed to having month left at the end of the money. One number, and it tells you so much. One number that may be a goal for next month. One number that drives your actions to make it improve. The numbers tell such an important story, but only if one listens. So much of what our state legislature does affects the financial health of our state, and through it, our families. The problem is that the people, you and me, have not sent them to Charleston with clearly measurable metrics. In the very best bureaucratic way, they have found ways to obfuscate what’s really happening. Figures don’t lie, but liars figure. Few, other than our Governor, have even talked about measurable results, and when they do, there are so many conditions placed upon the actual numbers that they are hard to understand, even for those of us who follow the shell game that is invariably being played. But why would you expect anything different from the overwhelming number of attorneys we are sending to Charleston. I’m not anti-attorney (my daughter is one), it’s just like the old adage about if you’re a carpenter, everything looks like a nail. If you’re an attorney, you want to make laws - and those laws spend the taxpayers’ money. Our money. If we expect anything better from our elected officials, I believe it’s time to start demanding clear and precise goals from them, and then comparing what they promised to what they actually delivered. No “maybes,” and don’t tell me it’s the other persons fault. Either get the job done and take credit for it or own the failure. It’s time we start demanding “wins, losses and ties” from our government in both Charleston and Washington, D.C. We are rapidly approaching a time where we can’t afford the tax-and-spend insanity that both parties have been yoking us with for far too long. Read the full article

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fortisfiliae · 4 years

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Promised Part 11 - Tom Riddle x reader

Summary: In this story, Tom didn’t grow up as an orphan, but with his grandfather and uncle. Reader’s sister got very sick and the Gaunts offer their help. But not without asking for something in return.

Disclaimer: Please be aware that I don’t condone any of this in real life. (GIF is not mine)

Warnings: Arranged marriage, an unholy amount of fluff

Word count: 2.5k

A/n: This chapter is written partially from Tom’s POV and the reader will be addressed in third person. The POV shift starts in the second half, after the divider, just so you know :)

Part 11 - The Earth’s Centre

Starting to brew the antidote for Mors Grano happened to be easier than you had anticipated. The potion’s base was quite similar to any other healing draught, and so was its production. You had decided to begin the laborious process, even though the Banshee tears were missing. According to the recipe, they were the last ingredient to be added, so you still had a lot of time to find them, even if you still didn’t quite know how.

For the first few weeks, there was nothing more to do than letting the Moondew cook and stir it frequently. The cauldron stood in Tom’s room, its content simmering steadily, ready to be examined at any given moment by one of you.

Professor Beery had denied you the bonus points for the N.E.W.T.s after you had told him that the Moly had unfortunately died. Those points were the least of your problems, however.

The plant had, in fact, bloomed beautifully, ready to be added to the potion.

And that was when the difficulties began. As soon as you let the blossoms fall into the cauldron, the potion started to smell. Very strongly. The mixture reacted in a way that wasn’t described in the book and started to produce yellow steam, as well as a sour, headache-inducing scent, which reached beyond the walls of Tom’s room. The fume filled up every last inch of his dorm and even seemed to creep out into the Slytherin common room. Other students had started mentioning the weird smell and even Dippet, who had paid Tom a number of unfortunate surprise visits, started to get suspicious.

You had sent your parents an owl to inform them that you wouldn’t come home during your semester break. They weren’t exactly happy about it; you had never stayed at Hogwarts during the holidays after all. But you had insisted, telling them there was so much studying to do until they finally let go. That wasn’t even a lie. There was a bunch of work to do. Granted, not all of it was related to school, but you still had a lot on your plate.

Tom stayed in Hogwarts for the week as well. You weren’t sure but highly doubted that he had notified his own family about it. And to be fair, they wouldn’t really care about that, would they?

Even though the school was practically empty and only a mere fraction of students stayed along with you, those who did stay complained about the biting smell in all of Slytherin’s dormitories. On Sunday evening you heard that the housekeeper had been sent to seek out the source and Tom was informed that Mr Carpe would start his search the next morning.

So there you were, worrying about what to do, stirring the cauldron for the twentieth time within the last minutes, hoping it would steam less, the more you whisked through it. No matter how hard you concentrated, how many options you took into account, there was nowhere you could possibly drag the cauldron to, where its scent would go unnoticed.

The Potions classroom was off-limits, even though it was much better equipped for the fumes. Slughorn would spend a lot of his time there, to prepare tasks for the upcoming semester. You had even considered taking it home and telling your parents about it. But using the Floo-Network with an item this heavy wasn’t possible, and taking the train with a simmering cauldron seemed ridiculous. Besides that, the antidote still took months to finish, so you would have to take it back to Hogwarts a week later anyway.

Hell, you had even thought about taking that damned kettle out onto the Quidditch pitch or into the forest, so no one would smell it anymore. But you couldn’t leave it out in the open, of course.

The moment you had given up all hope and realised that you couldn’t go on brewing the potion in Tom’s room, or anywhere else, he had told you about another possibility. There was this room on the seventh floor he had discovered in fifth grade. He called it the Come and Go Room and he was positive that no one besides him, not even the teachers, knew of its existence. The room must have been enchanted, according to Tom, and only appeared when you were in dire need.

So the two of you went there the same night, in a cloak and dagger operation, levitating the cauldron behind you. You had covered it with a white sheet so that if someone saw you, they at least wouldn’t know initially what you were doing. The disguise was weak and you knew if Dippet or any other teacher would spot you, you would be screwed.

Luckily none of them was there when you rushed through the halls, aside from Warren O’Connor, a Ravenclaw fifth year, who patrolled on a corridor next to their tower. He was too far away to detect the poorly hidden cauldron and didn’t even seem to look at you after he had recognised Tom.

When you had finally arrived, chest heaving, thoughts rushing from relief and tension, Tom instructed you how to summon the Come and Go Room. You walked past the stone wall three times and imagined, very carefully, what you needed. An airtight room that allowed you to keep on brewing your potion in peace, that no one would be able to find unless you wanted them to. Suddenly, a door appeared. You looked at Tom and he nodded before you took the handle and opened it.

The small room behind the door was, simply put, perfect. Your very own Potions laboratory. Dark and nifty, it offered enough little cabinets to store all the ingredients for the antidote, as well as a worktop to put the cauldron on. Everything looked as if it had been custom made, just for this purpose. Which it was, you had just created it all yourself.

Now that the cauldron was in a safe place Tom felt more at ease and actually thought that the semester break could turn out to be enjoyable. Why did that relax him, though? A question he had asked himself more than once. He didn’t have to care, nor did he have to help his fiancée to save her sister. Then why had he done it?

He didn’t have a logical answer to that question, even though the illogical one seemed to wave at him from the back of his head. He shrugged it off. But there were so many questions of the same kind running through his mind. Why did he care? He had never cared before. For anyone. That girl wouldn’t bring him where he wanted to be just by marrying him. Sure, her family was respected. Of course, they were purebloods, which was why his Grandfather had taken notice of them. But it had never been Tom’s wish to marry her. So why didn’t he mind the thought anymore? The idea of seeing her walking down the aisle had repelled him immensely when he had found out what Marvolo’s plan had been. And now it didn’t. He had gotten used to the idea. It even bugged him to think about the fact that the marriage wouldn’t happen by chance if the antidote was finished soon enough. Then why did he help her?

There was something inside of him, something that he couldn’t just pinpoint yet. Something that made him do the things he had done, even when it had gone against his own benefit. Something that made him care less and less about himself. It must have turned all of his morals upside down, because somehow, and he couldn’t explain why, the most important thing was seeing her happy. He didn’t even know when his priorities had changed. When he had stopped putting himself first. But it had happened. And that irritated him beyond belief.

She had been so easy to dislike. Back then, when they were sitting in her dining room alone. When she had stared at him, eagerly waiting for him to feel sorry for her. So conceited. Desperate for his attention. But then again, she had been so easy to like. When had he started giving in? At first, he had been nothing more than disgusted. Appalled of the uproar that had gone on inside his head. That nasty feeling in his chest and his weak knees. But once he had surrendered, it had begun to feel good.

All he wanted - no - all he needed now, was to make sure she was safe. Protect her. Help her. That wasn’t just an act of kindness though. He had figured out that apparently, he mirrored her emotions. When she was pleased, he was too. When she was angry, he couldn’t help but feel furious as well. When she was sad, his chest stung with her. It felt like a purpose. Like she was the earth’s centre and everyone else, even himself, merely spun around her. She had his full attention now and he didn’t plan on taking it from her anytime soon.

If someone were to ask him why, he wouldn’t even know where to begin. How does one describe the meaning of everything? He could start with her glow. That devotion she seemed to radiate anywhere she was. Her relentless spirit and how ready she was to combat anyone with it. How tender she was with people that deserved it. And how ruthless she could be with the ones who didn’t. The way she moved in her sleep, slowly and gently, turning over and unknowingly stealing his blanket at least twice a night. The way her chest moved up and down when she lay next to him. How her eyes seemed to light up when she awoke and looked at him. The hours he had watched her. Held her. Felt her skin brushing against his own, just like in this moment. How could anyone experience that and not have the urge to keep it? To freeze those moments in time and lock them up, safely, for nobody to see.

Tom wasn’t sure if she was aware of how nervous she made him. He knew how to hide it, but was ever so annoyed at how much he depended on being close to her. And he usually wasn’t the one to become jittery. That was the response he normally got. Freda Morris, for example, couldn’t seem to think straight when he had taken her out once, during their sixth year. Merlin’s beard, that lass was nerve wrenching.

Quite contrary to her. No one had ever done that to him. She had crawled under his skin and into his head, drugging his mind until almost every single thought he produced revolved around her. But he knew his place. She hadn’t befuddled him just to make him her pawn. He knew because that was what his family had done ever since he could remember. She had never done him wrong. Maybe that was why he had helped her. And why he was willing to do anything for her, even if it meant for him to suffer. He was the antagonist in their story. And if he was poison, she was the remedy. If he was the villain, she was the treasure worth saving.

Tom’s pitiful monologue was interrupted when she woke up, opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Morning,” she said quietly and smiled.

He looked at her for a moment. If only she knew.

“Morning,” he replied.

She stretched her arms in the air and yawned, then turned towards him and ran her fingers along his jawline. Bliss.

“How long have you been awake?” she asked, staring at the stubble on his chin that her thumb had just touched.

“Not long,” he lied. “Just a few minutes.”

She grinned and placed a kiss onto the left end of his lips. “I have to get up and stir the potion. Care to join me?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

“Good. Oh, and I think I’m going to go to Diagon Alley in the afternoon. To buy the Foxgloves. I have to add them next week.”

“I’ll come.”

She exhaled and pulled him in, nuzzling into his neck.

“Do you think we should go to Knockturn Alley as well?” she asked, her voice muffled. “While we’re there. I want to see if any store offers Banshee tears.”

“I don’t think they do,” Tom said and she lifted her head to look at him.

“But where else then?”

“I think I know where we could get some.”

She nodded, urging him to tell her.

“Well, I’m sure Morfin owns a flask. He had to get it if he wanted to brew the antidote, didn’t he?”

“But if they never planned on curing Elsie entirely, I don’t think he would have gotten them.”

“Marvolo never planned on curing her,” Tom said. “Morfin did. He’s a Potions master. One that doesn’t care about legality. He knows every last person that deals with ingredients like that. Even if he never intended to free her, I’m sure he got them just in case he ever needed them for himself.”

Her eyes roamed his face while she thought about it. “So what can we do now? Go to your house, search his chamber and steal the flask?”

Tom shook his head. “That won’t be as easy. They’re always home, Marvolo has his eyes everywhere. Even the house-elves would alarm him.”

She frowned, brows furrowed while she lightly tugged on his hair.

“They’ll be gone,” Tom went on. “In late March. The Order of Merlin gets honoured and they are both invited. We could go then and try to find it.”

There it was again. That spark in her eyes.

“Okay,” she answered. “Let’s do it then. But for now, let’s stay in bed for five more minutes.”

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unpopularwiththepopulace · 3 years

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Chicago at Long Beach, LA, 1992: A Story of Bebe Neuwirth, Choreography, Riots, Revivals, and Relevance

Recently and rather excitingly, more footage made its way to YouTube of the 1992 version of Chicago staged at Long Beach in LA, featuring Bebe Neuwirth as Velma and Juliet Prowse as Roxie.

Given its increased accessibility and visibility, this foregrounds the chance to talk about the show, explore some of its details, and look at the part it might have played as a contribution to the main ‘revival’ of Chicago in 1996 – which has given the show one of the most resonant and highly enduring legacies seen within the theatre ever.

This Civic Light Opera production at Long Beach was staged in 1992, four years before the ‘main’ revival made its appearance at Encores! or had its subsequent Broadway transfer, and it marked the first time a major revival of Chicago had been seen since the original 1975 show disappeared nearly 15 years previously.

This event is of particular significance given its position as the first step in the chain of events that make up part of this ‘new Chicago’ narrative and the resultant entire multiple-decade spanning impact of the show hereafter.

But for all of its pivotal status, it’s seldom discussed or remembered anywhere near as much as it should be.

This may be in part because of how little video or photographic record has remained in easily accessible form to date, and also because it only played for around two weeks in the first place. As such, it is a real treat on these occasions to get to see such incredible and unique material that would otherwise have been lost forever after such a brief existence some 30 years ago.

This earlier revival of the show still feels like what we have come to identify “Chicago” as in modern comprehension of the musical, most principally because the choreography was also done by Ann Reinking. As with the 1996 production, this meant dance was done “very much in the master’s style” – or Mr Bob Fosse.

The link below is time-stamped to Bebe and Juliet performing ‘Hot Honey Rag’. As one of the most infamous numbers in Broadway history, it’s undoubtedly a dance that has been watched many times over. But never before have I seen it done quite like this.

https://youtu.be/4HKkwtRE-II?t=2647

‘Hot Honey Rag’ was in fact formerly called ‘Keep It Hot’, and was devised by Fosse as “a compendium of all the steps he learned as a young man working in vaudeville and burlesque—the Shim Sham, the Black Bottom, the Joe Frisco, ‘snake hips,’ and cooch dancing”, making it into the “ultimate vaudeville dance act” for the ultimate finale number.

Ann would say about her choreographical style in relation to Fosse, “The parts where I really deviate is in adding this fugue quality to the numbers. For better or worse, my style is more complicated.” The ‘complexity’ and distinctness she speaks of is certainly evident in some of the sections of this particular dance. There are seemingly about double the periodicity of taps in Bebe and Juliet’s Susie Q sequence alone. One simply has to watch in marvel not just at the impressive synchronicity and in-tandem forward motion, but now also at the impossibly fast feet. Other portions that notably differ from more familiar versions of the dance and thus catch the eye are the big-to-small motion contrast after the rising ‘snake hips’ section, and all of the successive goofy but impeccably precise snapshot sequence of arm movements and poses.

More focus is required on the differences and similarities of this 1992 production compared against the original or subsequent revival, given its status and importance as a bridging link between the two.

The costumes in 1975 were designed by Patricia Zipprodt (as referenced in my previous post on costume design), notably earning her a Tony Award nomination. In this 1992 production, some costumes were “duplications” of Zipprodt’s originals, and some new designs by Garland Riddle – who added a “saucy/sassy array” in the “typical Fosse dance lingerie” style. It is here we begin to see some of the more dark, slinkiness that has become so synonymous with “Chicago” as a concept in public perception.

The sets from the original were designed by Tony Walton – again, nominated for a Tony – and were reused with completeness here. This is important as it shows some of the original dance concepts in their original contexts, given that portions of the initial choreography were “inextricably linked to the original set designs.” This sentiment is evident in the final portion of ‘Cell Block Tango’, pictured and linked at the following time-stamp below, which employs the use of mobile frame-like, ladder structures as a scaffold for surrounding movements, and also a metaphor for the presence of jail cell bars.

https://youtu.be/4HKkwtRE-II?t=741

Defining exactly how much of the initial choreography was carried across is an ephemeral line. Numbers were deemed “virtually intact” in the main review published during the show’s run from the LA Times – or even further, “clones” of the originals. It is thought that the majority of numbers here exhibit greater similarity to the 1975 production than the 1996 revival, except for ‘Hot Honey Rag’ which is regarded as reasonably re-choreographed. But even so, comparing against remaining visible footage of Gwen Verdon and Chita Rivera from the original, or indeed alternatively against Bebe and Annie later in the revival, does not present an exact match to either.

This speaks to the adaptability and amorphousness of Fosse-dance within its broader lexicon. Fosse steps are part of a language that can be spoken with subtle variations in dialect. Even the same steps can appear slightly different when being used in differing contexts, by differing performers, in differing time periods.

It also speaks to some of the main conventions of musical theatre itself. Two main principles of the genre include its capacity for fluidity and its ability for the ‘same material’ to change and evolve over time; as well as the fact comparisons and comprehensions of shows across more permanent time spans are restricted by the availability of digital recordings of matter that is primarily intended to be singular and live.

Which versions of the same song do you want to look at when seeking comparisons?

Are you considering ‘Hot Honey Rag’ at a performance on the large stage at Radio City Music Hall at the Tony Awards in 1997? Or on a small stage for TV shows, like the Howard Cosell or Mike Douglas shows in 1975? Or on press reel footage from 1996 on the ‘normal’ stage context in a format that should be as close to a replica as possible of what was performed in person every night?

Bebe often remarks on and marvels at Ann’s capacity to travel across a stage. “If you want to know how to travel, follow Annie,” she says. This exhibits how one feature of a performance can be so salient and notable on its own, and yet so precariously dependent on the external features its constrained to – like scale.

Thus context can have a significant impact on how numbers are ultimately performed for these taped recordings and their subsequent impact on memory. Choreography must adjust accordingly – while still remaining within the same framework of the intention for the primary live performances.

This links to Ann’s own choreographical aptitude, in the amount of times it is referenced how she subtly adapted each new version of Chicago to tailor to individual performers’ specific merits and strengths as dancers.

Ann’s impact in shaping the indefinable definability of how Chicago is viewed, loved and remembered now is not to be understated.

An extensive 1998 profile – entitled “Chicago: Ann Reinking’s musical” – explores in part some of Ann’s approaches to creating and interacting with the material across a long time span more comprehensively. Speaking specifically to how she choreographed this 1992 production in isolation, Ann would say, “I knew that Bob’s point of view had to permeate the show, you couldn’t do it without honoring his style.” In an age without digital history at one’s fingertips, “I couldn’t remember the whole show. So I choreographed off the cuff and did my own thing. So you could say it was my take on his thoughts.” Using the same Fosse vocabulary, then – “it’s different. But it’s not different.”

One further facet that was directly carried across from the initial production were original cast members, like Barney Martin as returning as Amos, and Michael O'Haughey reprising his performance as Mary Sunshine. Kaye Ballard as Mama Morton and Gary Sandy as Billy Flynn joined Bebe and Juliet to make up the six principals in this new iteration of the show.

Bebe, Gary and Juliet can be seen below in a staged photo for the production at the theatre.

The venue responsible for staging this Civic Light Opera production was the Terrace Theatre in Long Beach in Los Angeles. Now defunct, this theatre and group in its 47 years of operation was credited as providing some of “the area’s most high profile classics”. Indeed, in roughly its final 10 years alone, it staged shows such as Hello Dolly!, Carousel, Wonderful Town (with Donna McKechnie), Gypsy, Sunday in the Park with George, La Cage aux Folles, Follies, 1776, Funny Girl, Bye Bye Birdie, Pal Joey, and Company. The production of Pal Joey saw a return appearance from Elaine Stritch, reprising her earlier performance as Melba Snyder with the memorable song ‘Zip’. This she had done notably some 40 years earlier in the original 1952 Broadway revival, while infamously and simultaneously signed as Ethel Merman’s understudy in Call Me Madam as she documented in Elaine Stritch at Liberty.

Juliet Prowse appeared as Phyllis in Follies in 1990, and Ann Reinking acted alongside Tommy Tune in Bye Bye Birdie in 1991, in successive preceding seasons before this Chicago was staged.

But for all of its commendable history, the theatre went out of business in 1996 just 4 years after this, citing bankruptcy. Competition provided in the local area by Andrew Lloyd Webber and his influx of staging’s of his British musicals was referenced as a contributing factor to the theatre group’s demise. This feat I suspect Bebe would have lamented or expressed remorse for, given some of her comments in previous years on Sir Lloyd Webber and the infiltration of shows from across the pond: “I had lost faith in Broadway because of what I call the scourge of the British musicals. They've dehumanized the stage [and] distanced the audience from the performers. I think 'Cats' is like Patient Zero of this dehumanization.”

That I recently learned that Cats itself can be rationalised in part as simply A Chorus Line with ears and tails I fear would not improve this assessment. In the late ‘70s when Mr Webber noticed an increase of dance ability across the general standard of British theatre performers, after elevated training and competition in response to A Chorus Line transferring to the West End, he wanted to find a way he could use this to an advantage in a format that was reliable to work. Thus another similarly individual, sequential and concept-not-plot driven dance musical was born. Albeit with slightly more drastic lycra leotards and makeup.

But back in America, the Terrace theatre could not be saved by even the higher incidence of stars and bigger Broadway names it was seeing in its final years, with these aforementioned examples such as Bebe, Annie, Tommy, Juliet, Donna, or Elaine. The possibility of these appearances in the first place were in part attributable to the man newly in charge as the company’s producer and artistic director – Barry Brown, Tony award-winning Broadway producer.

Barry is linked to Bebe’s own involvement with this production of Chicago, through his relationship – in her words – as “a friend of mine”.

At the time, Bebe was in LA filming Cheers, when she called Barry from her dressing room. Having been working in TV for a number of years, she would cite her keenness to find a return to the theatre, “[wanting] to be on a stage so badly” again. The theatre is the place she has long felt the most sense of ease in and belonging for, frequently referring to herself jokingly as a “theatre-rat” or remarking that it is by far the stage that is the “medium in which I am most comfortable, most at home, and I think I'm the best at.”

Wanting to be back in that world so intensely, she initially proposed the notion of just coming along to the production to learn the parts and be an understudy. Her desire to simply learn the choreography alone was so strong she would say, “You don’t have to pay me or anything!”

She’d had the impetus to make the call to Barry in the first place only after visiting Chita Rivera at her show in LA with a friend, David Gibson. At the time, the two did not know each other that well. Bebe had by this point not even had the direct interaction of taking over in succession for Chita in Kiss of the Spider Woman in London. This she would do the following year, with Chita guiding her generously through the intricacies of the Shaftesbury Theatre and the small, but invaluable, details known only to Chita that would be essential help in meeting stage cues and playing Aurora.

Bebe had already, however, stepped into Chita’s shoes multiple times, as Anita in West Side Story as part of a European tour in the late ‘70s, or again in a Cleveland Opera Production in 1988; and additionally as Nickie in the 1986 Broadway revival of Sweet Charity – both of which were roles Chita had originated on stage or screen. In total, Velma would bring the tally of roles that Bebe and Chita have shared through the years to four, amongst many years also of shared performance memories and friendship.

They may not have had a long history of personal rather than situational connections yet when Bebe visited her backstage at the end of 1991, but Chita still managed to play a notable part in the start of the first of Bebe’s many engagements with Chicago.

After Bebe hesitantly relayed her idea, Chita told her, “You should call! Just call!”

So call Bebe did. One should listen to Chita Rivera, after all.

Barry Brown rang her back 10 minutes later after suggesting the idea to Ann Reinking, who was otherwise intended to be playing Velma. The response was affirmative. “Oh let her play the part!”, Annie had exclaimed. And so begun Bebe’s, rather long and very important, journey with Chicago.

In 1992, this first step along the road to the ‘new Chicago’ was well received.

Ann Reinking with her choreography was making her first return to the Fosse universe since her turn in the 1986 Sweet Charity revival. Diametrically, Rob Marshall was staring his first association with Fosse material in providing the show’s direction – many years before he would go on to direct the subsequent film adaptation also. Together, they created a “lively, snappy, smarmy” show that garnered more attention than had been seen since the original closed.

“Bob Fosse would love [this production],” it was commended at the time, “Especially the song-and-dance performance of Bebe Neuwirth who knocks everyone’s socks off.” High praise.

Bebe was also singled out for her “unending energy”, but Juliet too received praise in being “sultry and funny”. Together, the pair were called “separate but equal knockouts” and an “excellent combination”.

Juliet was 56 at the time, and sadly died just four years later. Just one year after the production though, Juliet was recorded as saying, “In fact, we’re thinking of doing it next year and taking it out on the road.”

Evidently that plan never materialised. But it is interesting to note the varied and many comments that were made as to the possibility of the show having a further life.

Bebe at the time had no recollection that the show might be taken further, saying “I didn’t know anything about that.” Ann Reinking years later would remark “no one seemed to think that the time was necessarily ripe for a full-blown Broadway revival.” While the aforementioned LA Times review stated in 1992 there were “unfortunately, no current plans” for movement, it also expressed desire and a call to action for such an event. “Someone out there with taste, money and shrewdness should grab it.”

The expression that a show SHOULD move to Broadway is by no means an indication that a show WILL move. But this review clearly was of enough significance for it to be remembered and referenced by name by someone who was there when it came out at the time, Caitlin Carter, nearly 30 years later. Caitlin was one of the six Merry Murderesses, principally playing Mona (or Lipschitz), at each of this run, Encores!, and on Broadway. She recalled, “Within two days, we got this rave review from the LA Times, saying ‘You need to take the show to Broadway now!’” The press and surrounding discussions clearly created an environment in which “there was a lot of good buzz”, enough for her to reason, “I feel like it planted seeds… People started to think ‘Oh we need to revive this show!’”

The seeds might have taken a few years to germinate, but they did indeed produce some very successful and beautiful flowers when they ultimately did.

In contrast with one of the main talking points of the ‘new Chicago’ being its long performance span, one of the first things I mentioned about this 1992 iteration was the rather short length of its run. It is stated that previews started on April 30th, for an opening on May 2nd, with the show disappearing in its final performance on May 17th. Less than a fleeting 3 weeks in total.

Caitlin Carter discussed the 1992 opening on Stars in the House recently. It’s a topic of note given that their opening night was pushed back from the intended date by two days, meaning Ann Reinking and Rob Marshall had already left and never even saw the production. “The night we were supposed to open in Long Beach was the Rodney King riots.”

Local newspapers at the time when covering the show referenced this large and significant event, by noting the additional two performances added in compensation “because of recent interruptions in area social life.”

It sounds rather quaint put like that. In comparison, the horror and violence of what was actually going on can be statistically summated as ultimately leaving 63 people dead, over 2300 injured, and more than 12,000 having been arrested, in light of the aftermath of the treatment faced by Rodney King. Or more explicitly, the use of excessive violence against a black man at police hands with videotaped footage.

A slightly later published review wrote of how this staging was thus “timely” – in reference to an observed state of “the nation’s moral collapse”.

‘Timeliness’ is a matter often referenced when discussing why the 1996 revival too was of such success. The connection is frequently made as to how this time, the revival resonated with public sentiment so strongly – far more than in 1975 when the original appeared – in part because of the “exploding headlines surrounding the OJ Simpson murder case”. The resulting legal and public furore around this trial directly correlates with the backbone and heart of the musical itself.

I'm writing this piece now at the time of the ongoing trial to determine the verdict of George Floyd’s murder, another black man suffering excessive and ultimately fatal violence at police hands with videotaped footage.

I think the point is that this is never untimely. And that the nation is seldom not in some form of ‘moral collapse’, or facing events that have ramifications to do with the legal system and are emotionally incendiary on a highly public level.

Which perhaps is why Chicago worked so well not just in 1996, but also right up to the present day.

Undoubtedly, we live in a climate where the impact of events is determined not just by the events themselves, but also the manner in which they are reported in the media. Events involving some turmoil and public outrage at the state and outcome of the legal system are not getting any fewer or further between. But the emphasis on the media in an increasingly and unceasingly digital age is certainty only growing.

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shihalyfie · 3 years

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02′s themes in relation to its finale

By “finale” I don’t mean “epilogue”, but rather the final battle and confrontation that make up 02 episodes 48-50. Generally speaking, 02 is a series that is much less about progression of plot events as much as it’s about theme and message, and my feeling is that this becomes increasingly so the deeper you get into its second half and approach its ending. Narratively speaking, we need a big, bad enemy to beat up in a fight, but if we shift our perspective a bit, what does this finale say as a close to 02′s themes and concepts?

The thin boundary between good and evil

Our major enemy for the first half of the series was the Digimon Kaiser, who was later established to be the very naturally kind Ichijouji Ken -- which is a pretty massive swerve, considering that most series with “reformed villains” would usually make them a bit of an edgelord who happens to be a little nicer. But instead, the series goes very deep into the psyche of what could make such a kind child be tipped over the edge, and, even though it’s all revealed to be accelerated by supernatural interference, it’s made very clear that his own trauma and insecurity was most of what did it.

So, anyway, it’s revealed in the end that the “final mastermind” behind it all was none other than Vamdemon, an effective midboss from Adventure. Vamdemon’s popularity aside, this initially seems like a very strange choice. But looking at some statements about 02′s initial planning is somewhat revealing: the original planned concept for the final boss was a Digimon that would ultimately be reduced to only “an idea” (and was rejected on the grounds of being too gory for the Sunday morning kids’ timeslot). When you think about this original concept of “a Digimon that had been reduced to only an idea,” that explains the initially odd-seeming combo of defeating a Digimon with the combined power of idealistic positivity, because it’s a plot point that would certainly make more sense if said Digimon had been reduced to a spirit of malice.

However, the interesting part about this is that the replacement for this original final boss was not Vamdemon but Oikawa and his lackeys, which means that, substantially, the real “final enemy” of this story is actually Oikawa, and the ideological questions he poses for the Chosen Children and those around them. Vamdemon may be the “mastermind” from a plot perspective, but, ironically, his important role is actually to define Oikawa’s narrative -- and, as if to drive this in further, he’s not even voiced by his original voice actor from Adventure (Ohtomo Ryuuzaburou), but Oikawa’s own, Morikawa Toshiyuki (and this voice change is actually pointed out in the series proper, too).

So why Vamdemon and not just a random spirit of malice? Well...

Vamdemon’s presence specifically establishes the precise moment in time Oikawa lost complete control of himself -- and, more widely, establishes the connection between himself as a “Chosen Child who could never become one”. Prior to this episode, we knew that Hida Hiroki’s death and their shared childhood had some relevance to Oikawa’s downfall, but the August 3 “Odaiba fog” incident in 1999 is the exact moment where everything could completely crash down in front of Oikawa’s eyes, with Hida Hiroki having just died, and Oikawa personally witnessing Digimon, the Digital World, and the Chosen Children (and boy, the way this scene is framed with him right next to the waterfront, you might even wonder what he might have done with himself had Vamdemon not interfered...). The Digital World didn’t have a huge amount of contact with the world before then -- in fact, Oikawa not being able to make much contact is a huge part of his character arc -- which basically leaves this as one of the only moments you can have this exact moment of Oikawa being ready to go over the deep end in this way. All of his regrets, of never being able to make proper contact with the Digital World, of Hiroki having died and left him alone, are ready for him in this exact moment -- as his own lackey Archnemon had said earlier, “human weaknesses are easy to manipulate.”

Moreover, of all of the “entities of malice” that made up Adventure’s villains, Vamdemon’s the only one who brought it all the way over to the real world (where the majority of 02′s conflict is set). This brief moment of contact with the real world was established in 02 episode 14 to be the defining moment of “contact” that would lead to Daisuke and Iori becoming Chosen Children. Particularly in the case of Iori, you can see the parallel -- Hiroki’s death and the resulting incident here would shape Iori’s strive to become a model citizen and a hero as a Chosen Child, whereas the exact same incidents shaped Oikawa’s descent into villainy.

Oikawa’s “sacrifice” in the end is not really a sacrifice in terms of sacrificing his life -- it’s said outright that his body is deteriorating, and so he would have died either way. What Oikawa does sacrifice is the ability to take one more step and make proper contact with Pipimon -- it is explicitly stated that he has to use the power of the dream world to grant his wish, meaning that he would never be able to take a proper step into the Digital World as a human, and therefore would never truly be able to have his initial wish granted in the way he originally wanted.

Thus, Oikawa leaves off with one last “regret” -- that, perhaps, if things had been different, he could have been just like the Chosen Children, going on “adventures” like them. But Iori points out right after that he did achieve his dream in some sense -- he got to reunite with the Digital World, and he did get to meet his partner, and so: it’s all about mentality. All of what happened to Oikawa was because of his own closed-in way of seeing himself and his place in the world, instead of being able to move on productively from his perception of what he “could and couldn’t do”.

In the end, Iori, the one who had once been so cold towards the idea of anything remotely associated with evil, is the one to guide him to that answer, and the other Chosen Children, who had previously not been very sympathetic towards him, still grieve over his death because they understand what it means to have a partner, and the sense of loss it would entail to be separated from one. It’s the one commonality they all can understand, and in the end, none of them were really all that different; it was just what they chose to do with what they had.

This is especially because we see extensive flashbacks of Oikawa in 02 episode 47, and his design is that of a completely average adult in 02, nothing like the “look at this instant villain!” design he had during the course of the series. Oikawa was, for all intents and purposes, a completely average person who had dreams that he shared with his friend, dreams that they carried into adulthood -- it took this little to push Oikawa over the edge, and yet the things that did it were the exact same things that, in a different context, Iori took to become a Chosen Child who fought him on the other side.

False happiness and pointless fixations

Tying into Oikawa’s fixation with “regrets” and an unhealthy mentality about his own position, Oikawa blames his inability to go to the Digital World in 02 episode 48 on himself being a “tainted adult”, not recognizing that it’s his own having fallen off the deep end that’s the likely reason he’s being rejected. Oikawa is, effectively, maintaining a fixation on “regrets” and a past he can’t get back; he’s still stuck on the image of his happy childhood playing with Hiroki, and all of the things he “couldn’t do” as a child after having his initial contact with the Digital World cut off. The ending reveals that he had met Pipimon before, and so you can interpret everything he’d done beforehand -- including creating two Digimon that are ultimately his “minions” more than they’re his actual “partners” (and were ultimately ripped away from him by the very same malicious spirit that represents his nihilism) -- as an attempt to reconnect with that partner, even if it resulted in him forgetting his actual purpose.

Beyond that, the Chosen Children themselves are momentarily sidetracked by a “fixation” of sorts --

02 is a series about “accepting things and moving forward”, so each of the illusions presented by BelialVamdemon have to do with a fixation that’s holding each respective kid back:

Takeru’s idea of seeing his family together again might not be completely impossible, but it’s probably not happening anytime soon -- and, as far as 02 episode 17 and 47 showed us, relations are at least improving and everyone else is doing a much better job of actually moving on and accepting the current state of affairs than he is.

Iori’s fixated on the idea of being able to please and be with a father who’s long dead (again, his issue is technically the same one Oikawa’s fixating over).

Hikari’s fixated on a future idea and dream that she wants to see pass, which won’t happen unless she can proactively work towards it now (and the 02 epilogue itself establishes that getting there won’t be all sunshine and roses).

Miyako’s fixated on her surface mood of stress and a desire to escape it, only to be confronted with the fact that it doesn’t actually make her all that happy either.

Ken’s fixated on ideas of “punishment” and “forgiveness” that ultimately won’t get him anywhere.

In the end, the one to avoid it is the most “forward-thinking” of all of them, Daisuke, who’s least likely to get caught up in such fixations. But even he has this to say:

Daisuke understands that not everyone is as simple-minded as him, and that’s not inherently a bad thing -- it’s just that when you need to go forward, you need to go forward (and people who exploit others’ weaknesses against them are still unforgivable jerks). You need to accept that things are the way they are at current, and use the information you get from it to keep moving forward and do something productive with it rather than clinging onto things you can’t have to the point you can’t do anything. Nobody was giving anyone shame for having those internal worries that BelialVamdemon plagued them with -- it’s just that staying in there forever, instead of moving on with important things they had to do, wouldn’t be good for them either.

Hence, that’s what Oikawa actually sacrificed -- he had a choice to use his final moments to spend his remaining short time with his partner that he’d spent so long unconsciously chasing after, but he instead decides to do something to help the Digital World and reverse some of the damage he’d personally caused instead of continuing to fixate on that regret. At the very least, he can continue to be with Pipimon in some other sense, even if it’s not what he originally wanted.

The pressure to be a “perfect person” as imposed by society; the conflict between that and pursuing one’s own happiness

In the last section, I mentioned that Oikawa was the kind of person who fixated on regrets about what he “couldn’t do” during his childhood. You can identify a bit of what was leading up to this in the prior episodes:

We learn in 02 episode 47 that Iori’s grandfather Chikara made the mistake of barring Hiroki and Oikawa from getting too deep into their connection with the Digital World, considering it “nonsense”, which led to the two of them becoming disconnected from it and continuing to wistfully chase after it -- which also led to Oikawa being driven further over the deep end when Hiroki, the only person who understood that, died.

Moreover, Oikawa ended up developing a complex not entirely unlike the Kaiser’s fixation with being a “perfect” person in the first half -- and, just like how he blames his inability to enter the Digital World on being a “tainted adult”, he fails to have the self-awareness that it’s this exact nihilism keeping him out of it, taking even further offense at the idea of him being a “tainted existence” (because of what he’s embracing) and deciding that his reaction needs to be sinking even deeper into it. And while he implants the Dark Seeds into the children with the intent of exploiting their power, he also indicates that he thinks he’s doing them a favor by enabling that ideology of “becoming a perfect person” within them.

Remembering that the final battle in this series is not necessarily about the physical fight as much as it’s about the ideology that Oikawa espoused, in the end, what Oikawa really “implanted” in these kids along with the Dark Seeds was the pressure that they should sacrifice their happiness to be “perfect” people. The Chosen Children reach out to them by asking about their dreams, and the children list off careers that have certainly gotten their parents scorning them for not being “good enough” for them, or gotten them mocked by other people (Hiroshi says that he gave up on his manga artist dreams because people laughed at him for it). In the end, “the pressure to be ambitious” is pressure in itself -- what if what you really want isn’t ambitious as much as it’s something that makes you and others happy (like, for instance, ramen making)? And especially when you’re a child -- shouldn’t this be the time when you enjoy yourself to the fullest?

This is even alluded to in Ken’s Spring 2003 track, in terms of how he and Osamu weren’t able to enjoy their childhood because of that pressure:

You were demanded to grow up fast, weren’t you, Brother? Because we were always being evaluated and compared by someone, we didn’t get a chance to have more freedom. We didn’t have any chances to run down an alley because we felt like it, or pull up weeds, or tumble around… meaningless things, things that didn’t bring any value to us at all. Just like the cat napping on the roof… we weren’t able to fully enjoy any everlasting freedom.

Like Ken and Osamu, the Dark Seed children accepted the Seeds because they decided that it would be better to trade in their happiness in exchange for getting closer to that ideal of “perfection”, only to destroy their own selves in the process. Which is accentuated when acknowledging their own selves is what leads to them meeting their own Digimon partners.

Takeru had said, earlier, that the Digimon will appear if you wish them to -- and given that a Digimon partner is a metaphor for the inner self, it says a lot that the point here is “the key to connecting with your partner is to connect with your actual self”. Like how Ken managed to reunite with Wormmon in 02 episode 23 by accepting everything about himself and resolving to live with it, and how Oikawa will later meet Pipimon after having come to terms with what he was actually looking for the entire time.

And in the end, what we see of Vamdemon isn’t really all that different from the original “reduced to an idea” concept we got from the original 02 final boss concept -- remember that BelialVamdemon has effectively become the incarnation of Oikawa’s own nihilistic ideology; perhaps he took on a lot more than just a voice actor! Actually, the whole sequence in 02 episode 50 with everyone listing off their dreams and destroying BelialVamdemon part by part is relatively similar in substance to the original proposal (the staff must have been really attached to that idea). And, hence, why what destroys him for good is the combined feelings of everyone together, resolving to move forward instead of chasing after meaningless things.

Oikawa ultimately recognizes that what was holding him back was his own mentality -- everyone here, Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa himself, all thought they were becoming “strong” and “perfect” people by ignoring them, but instead ended up as pawns for others, and all of these people could have found better ways to cope with their problems through embracing themselves and finding support, and would have come closer to those “dreams” while they were at it. Instead, Oikawa exploited others and clung onto shallow symbols because he thought that kind of straightforward idealism was an impossible route for him, and locked himself out of all of it. But in the end, he’s able to do something -- he’s able to use his “dreams” to have the Digital World healed -- and with that, is able to have his last moments in happiness.

Incidentally, back in 02 episode 49, Daisuke had even outright said that there’s no inherent issue in striving for self-improvement (after all, both Adventure and 02 were about people slowly getting past their insecurities and becoming better people). Daisuke himself is a person who’s improved a lot over the course of this series! But that’s something you need to do on your own terms and in a way you’re comfortable with -- not forcing yourself into the mold of an “ideal person” at the expense of losing everything about yourself, like Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa all did at some point.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #shihameta

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cheri-cheri · 3 years

Text

[L&N] Jesse’s Main Storyline - Reunion

🍒 Warning: Contains detailed spoilers from Chapter 8 of the main storyline of Light and Night 🍒

Previous section: here

He’s Jesse? But the youth who was with me that day-

Staring blankly at the clean and clear face, my heart thumps heavily. That’s right. Those eyes are stubborn and bright.

Jesse: There’s something unique about MC’s designs. She likes drawing four-sided stars. You could compare it with her earlier drafts. It’d be clear at a glance who copied whom.

But this is a little secret between me and my grandmother. No one else would-

I’m in a daze. I’m basically a dummy.

One other person knows about it. Someone who was almost forgotten with time.

I stare at him in disbelief, and have the illusion that this is a game of hide-and-seek which has been going on for seven years.

This instance is akin to a movie scene. The years accelerate in reverse, each frame filled with memories engraved on my heart.

Him at 13 years old: What kind of adults do you think we’d become next time? I really want to travel to the future and have a look.

Him at 11 years old: Since you gave me Chinese tuition, I’ll reluctantly go to the same junior high school as you and teach you math.

Him at 8 years old: Next time, I’m going to be an outstanding person. Outstanding people will have lots of money, and I can afford to buy everything you want to eat!

MC at 7 years old: Hey, why are you squatting on the floor with mud on your face?

Him at 5 years old: [crying] T-they threw mud at me. They said I’m a fatty, and that fatties are most useless...

MC at 7 years old: Don’t be afraid! I’ll wipe it off for you. Next time, just follow me. I’ll protect you! Don’t cry. Real men don’t cry.

Him at 5 years old: Sob sob sob... okay...

MC at 7 years old: What’s your name?

Him at 5 years old: My name is Xia Ming Xing. Xia for 夏天 (“xiao tian” - summer), Ming for 一鸣惊人 (“yi ming jing ren” - amazing the world), and Xing for 星星 (“xing xing” - star)-

MC at 7 years old: What a difficult name. Can I just call you Xing Xing?

Him at 5 years old: That sounds like the relative of monkeys.

[Note] In Chinese, 猩猩 (“xing xing”) is “gorilla”

MC at 7 years old: How about Ming Ming?

Him at 5 years old: The uncle next door is called Ming Ming.

MC at 7 years old: Hm, I’ll call you “Dumpling” then. You look like a dumpling.

Him at 5 years old: Sure, dumplings are so delicious.

MC at 7 years old: Let’s make a pinky promise to always be friends.

Time moves in reverse, and once again returns to the present. I feel as though a gust of wind that was stalled in the past is now coursing between us, blowing away the many years apart.

MC: Dump-

I smile, unable to help myself as I call his name. The moment I say one syllable, he clasps a hand over my mouth.

The composed youth from earlier is now flushed, giving me a pitiful look.

At this moment, Wu You’s face is ghastly pale.

MC: I’m uninterested and have no time to play such games with you. This is a competition, and it has its rules. I can afford to lose and can afford to win. I accept a just contest, but I reject dishonest tricks. There are many more designers, including your sister, who are striving to make even better products. That’s the meaning of designing. I’ve already explained what I had to. I trust that everyone can make their own judgements.

Grabbing Dumpling’s hand, I turn around to leave. Now, there’s something even more important waiting for me.

Feeling the warmth in his palm, the youth’s expression turns from astounded to beaming with happiness.

Jesse: Let’s go.

Pulling him to a place where we won’t be disturbed, I suddenly feel a little speechless.

What should I say? Exchange conventional greetings? Would that be too formal?

But we haven’t seen each other in so many years. It might be awkward to talk about other things.

He seems to realise this as well. He looks at me, dumbfounded and at a loss for what to do.

MC: Erm, Xia Ming Xing, it’s been a long time.

Jesse is taken aback for a moment. Then, he bursts out laughing.

Jesse: Who are you? Why are you calling me by my full name? Give that fierce girl back to me!

He reaches out to pinch my cheeks, his appearance as playful as back then.

MC: Stinky Dumpling. You’re the one who’s fierce. I haven’t asked why-

Before I can finish speaking, I’m pulled into a hug. It’s cosy and tastes of sunlight. The second half of my question melts into his arms.

Jesse: Did you know that it’s been a very, very long time since I heard the name “Dumpling”...

He tightens his grip, burying his head in the crook of my neck.

MC: Dumpling...

Jesse: Mm.

MC: Dumpling Dumpling Dumpling!

Jesse: I’m here.

Jesse: Did she bully you earlier? It’s my fault for arriving too late. She made things difficult for you for such a long time.

His voice brings with it a nasally tone. It’s gentle, like a cup of hot milk gradually flowing into my heart.

MC: Why are you only asking me about that?

Jesse: What else should I ask about? What’s more important than you getting bullied?

MC: I’m fine, thank you.

Unexpectedly, he’s given a fright and blinks incessantly.

Jesse: MC, have you gone silly? You actually thanked me?

MC: ?

Jesse: Aren’t you going to throw me a left hook, then ask where the hell I’ve been these years-

I place my hands on my hips, pretending to be angry.

MC: Why would I ask where the hell you’ve been? Didn’t we know each other just two days ago?

Jesse: What do you mean “two days ago”?! We’ve known each other for 15 years and 9 months!

MC: But why do I recall how a certain person refused to talk to me unless he wore a strawberry headgear?

Jesse: I... I was afraid you’d ignore me once you recognised me. I wanted to meet you again in a more formal setting.

MC: In that case, why did you rush into the room furiously?

Jesse: They were bullying you right under my nose. How could I hold myself back!

Jesse: Don’t be angry, okay?

He shifts closer to me. No matter where my eyes look, he meets them immediately.

Faced with such a pair of pure eyes, my temper dissipates. It’s as though everything in the past has been written off in them.

MC: Shouldn’t you give me an apology before I forgive you?

Jesse: Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry-

He continues on and on, as though he'd continue saying this till the sky turns dark if I don’t get him to stop.

MC: That’s enough, I forgive you.

And with that, a bear hug lunges at me.

I’ve genuinely forgotten if his hugs were this warm during childhood.

Now, these pair of arms are filled with a comforting ease.

There are so many things I want to ask him. I want to ask if he’s been living well, and why he didn't give me a single call.

More than that, I want to ask why he left without saying goodbye.

But when I open my mouth, I swallow the words back down.

He mentioned that he couldn’t see me due to certain reasons. In that case, I’ll ask next time. Anyway, we’ve already reunited, and there’s still a very long time ahead.

MC: All right all right, you can let go now.

Jesse: Hang on. We haven’t seen each other for 7 years. Shouldn’t we make up for what was lost? One hug per year will do. That means seven, each lasting 5 seconds. In total, 35 seconds!

He actually calculated it seriously.

??: Cough.

I hear a cough from behind me, and feel Xia Ming Xing’s body stiffen. He lets go of me reluctantly.

MC: Jiang Lai?

Jiang Lai looks at me awkwardly, then drags Gao Cheng from his hiding place behind her back.

Gao Cheng: We didn’t want to disturb you two.

Jiang Lai: We just wanted to tell you that the producer decided to use your designs.

MC: Really? That’s great!

Jiang Lai’s a tsundere so MC has to take the initiative to ask the three of them to form a team

Jiang Lai and Gao Cheng leave

Jesse: They’ve already left, so why are you still looking? The person you should be looking at is here.

Jesse: Can I send you home? Just like in junior high.

MC: I was clearly the one who brought you home, okay? I sent you safely into your mom’s hands. Little Brat.

Out of habit, I reach out to tousle his hair, but realise I can only reach it by standing on tiptoes since he has grown much taller.

Jesse: Don’t call me Little Brat!

MC: Well, I’m two years older than you.

Jesse: But I’m already taller than you!

The youth lowers his eyes to look at me, his smile dazzling.

Jesse: Let’s go home~

MC: Let me test you. Which bus did we use to take? I moved houses due to work, but I still take the same bus.

Jesse: 102.

MC: How are you still able to remember?

Jesse: Of course I remember everything. I remember things related to you even better than yourself. The bus is here, the bus is here!

He places a hand on my back and we hurry onto the bus.

Although it’s a weekend, the bus is filled with students in uniform. We have no choice but to grip the handles while standing.

Jesse: Do you think they’re attending make-up classes? Isn’t today a Sunday?

MC: Many students have classes over the weekends these days. It’s unlike our time, where we had two days to rest.

Jesse: Wow, that’s great. Sigh. If only we were born a few years later.

MC: Let me off! Why didn’t I know that you were so enthusiastic about learning in the past?

Jesse: I’m enthusiastic about learning now. Is that wrong?

Jesse: Hey, look at that pair-

He points to the last row of the bus. A boy and girl are sitting next to each other, one earpiece in each ear. They aren’t interacting at all, and are staring out of the windows.

The boy would occasionally turn his head and glance at the girl, but will avert his gaze before the girl realises.

Jesse: Don’t they resemble us from back then?

MC: In what way? We were so boisterous.

Jesse: Correction. You hit me one-sidedly.

I shoot him a glare.

Jesse: But they’re still far from us. He wasn’t as handsome as I was back then.

MC: ...

Jesse: Look at them. One hand holding their school bag, the other placed on the seat. At a glance, it’s clear that they want to hold hands but don’t dare to.

MC: They look like junior high students. Where’s your mind wandering off to?

Jesse: These eyes of mine have seen through too many things. Sigh, what dummies! Just shift over slowly and grab it.

MC: You sound as if you’d actually do it.

Jesse: Of course I would. It’s just that I didn’t dare. Otherwise, I’d have-

MC: You’d have what?

He glances at me, then shakes his head, lips tightly sealed.

MC: Boasting again.

The bus suddenly jolts. The boy’s phone tumbles onto the ground, rolling in front of us. Xia Ming Xing picks it up and returns it to them.

Glancing at the tune that’s currently being played, I realise that it’s the male singer I liked most back then.

MC: How nostalgic. I was the same back then, only daring to listen to music on the MP3 after school.

Jesse: I was different. I listened to it in broad daylight in the classroom.

MC: Which is why The Exterminator confiscated it five times.

Jesse: But afterwards, I exchanged it with five exam scripts with full marks.

MC: Show off. Back then, I thought about how the days passed by so slowly. I wondered when I could grow up, because I’d finally be able to do the things I wanted to. I didn’t expect for time to speed by. After becoming an adult, each day passes by so quickly, and I don’t even have time to listen to music. In the blink of an eye, the people around me changed.

Jesse: But some things didn’t change, did they? We became the type of adults we are based on what remained.

MC: What remained for you then?

He no longer speaks, looking at me quietly with a silly smile.

MC: I realised that the frequency of your silly smiles are a little high.

Jesse: I’m looking at what remained for me. If we had gone to the same senior high school, what kind of people would we have become?

MC: You probably wouldn’t have gotten slimmer. After all, you came over to my house every day to freeload on meals.

Jesse: Do you think I can’t tell that you’re being sarcastic?

MC: Hahahaha-

How would we have turned out? I have no idea either.

When I travelled across the ocean after my grandmother’s death in my sophomore year, we would have parted anyway.

MC: Fortunately, we’ve met again now.

An earbud is suddenly stuffed into my ear. An acoustic guitar prelude instantly pulls me back to those youthful years.

I originally thought that I had forgotten the lyrics since a long time ago. But I can still hum “small yellow flower” and “playing on a swing”.

It turns out that the things we thought were forgotten are engraved in our minds, waiting to be awakened.

MC: There’s a similar MP3 in my house, but it’s broken and I need to get it fixed by a servicing shop. Oh yes, why are you listening to this song? Weren’t you distasteful of it in the past?

Jesse: It isn’t bad after listening to it again and again, although it’s still a little lacking as compared to me. In the past, you used to say that I was the God of Singing in your eyes.

MC: Hahahahaha, fine fine, God of Singing. I didn’t expect you to really enter this industry and become a musical actor. It’s miraculous.

Jesse: Miraculous?

MC: When we were younger, there was an essay where we had to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. You wrote about being a singer who sang for the entire world. Afterwards, your mom saw it and forced you to erase it all off, changing it to a scientist.

Hearing me talk about his embarrassing past, he scratches the back of his head abashedly.

MC: Being able to make your dream come true, especially if it’s a dream which isn’t understood or affirmed, is truly incredible.

Jesse: That’s because I have a secret strength supporting me.

Hearing the music, I suddenly think of the outfit I had designed for him. Perhaps I could add a few more elements related to youth.

Taking out my notebook from my bag quickly, my head suddenly feels dizzy, and my nose bumps against his shoulder.

MC: That hurts!

Jesse: [sighs] ...

He turns his body in resignation, bending his back.

Jesse: Draw while leaning on my back, Miss.

MC: Mm!

The sky gets dark very early in autumn. The evening breeze raises a hue from afar, and leaves rustle from the trees.

The hubbub of voices on the bus and affectionate teasing seem to have been dispersed by the breeze, leaving without a trace. What’s left are the both of us walking home in silence from the bus-stop.

Moonlight leaks from the trees along the roadside, outlining the side of Xia Ming Xing’s face. It’s no longer roundish, and has become a little foreign.

MC: Dumpling, why did you suddenly move away back then?

I have no idea why I suddenly asked this. There was simply a strange feeling that he’d disappear again if I didn’t ask about it.

A twinge of guilt flashes past Xia Ming Xing’s face.

Jesse: Do you still remember the call I gave you on the day I left?

MC: Call? What call?

Jesse: You don’t remember? You picked it up, but hung up after I said a few words.

MC: ...when did I hang up?

Why do I have no impression of this at all?!

MC: What’s going on?

Jesse: Back then, my family was moving. I managed to fight for one week with my parents, wanting to stay behind to finish the competition with you. I didn’t have the guts to tell you because I was afraid you’d be upset if you knew. Afterwards, I summoned my courage and gave you a call. But you weren’t willing to listen to me.

MC: That never happened. Why didn’t I know about this at all...

Jesse: So you never hung up?

He grabs my shoulders, his fingers cold as ice. I can almost feel his body trembling.

Jesse: It wasn’t that you didn’t want to hear from me?!

He asks once more, his tone seeking confirmation.

For a period of time after he left, I refused to hear the name which was equivalent to “betrayal” in my heart. But no one knew that I was secretly looking forward to him returning one day.

At the very least, it could prove that I wasn’t the party who was abandoned.

But why was this the answer? A mistake? A perhaps irretrievable mistake from such a long time in the past?

With this thought, my chest feels suffocated.

MC: So that’s why you didn’t look for me in all these years?

The youth remains silent, orange strands of hair blowing up with the wind.

Jesse: I had my reasons for not contacting you. It had nothing to do with the call. I... just wasn't brave enough.

I suddenly have no idea how to respond to his calm gaze, and I also understand that neither of us were at fault for the parting back then.

MC: Xia Ming Xing.

Jesse: Hm?

MC: Were you the one who put the MP3 into the tin?

Jesse: Mm.

MC: So you put the card in there too.

Jesse: Mm. But I didn’t participate in the competition with you, and couldn’t stay by your side. I don’t seem to have kept any promises.

I shake my head forcefully, eyes already damp.

Jesse: But now, I won’t shirk from it. As long as it’s something I promise you, I’ll definitely do it.

He takes a step towards me. The years have caused the once delicate youth to change entirely, turning into the man in front of me, whose eyes are especially resolute. With such a gaze, I’ll always choose to believe him, no matter what.

After sending me home, he stands in the corridor as he watches me enter, just like in the past.

Five minutes later, a rustling sound comes at the window.

Jesse: MC, open the window!

Opening the window in confusion, the image before me almost causes tears to leave my eyes.

Pink confetti flutters and blooms in the city sky, dancing gently in the clear summer night, akin to that snow which had yet to appear many years ago.

Amidst the pink coloured snow, the youth reveals a bright and hearty smile as he waves at me.

Jesse: You asked if I regretted it. The answer is - I regret it. I regret it very much, and at every single moment. Summer is already over, but why do I feel as though this summer has just begun?

Jesse: Next week, come and watch my performance. This time, it’d be my turn to wait for you.

MC: Mm, I’ll definitely be there!

Only after the snowflakes finish their descent does Xia Ming Xing reluctantly walk home. If he was slightly braver and slightly stronger back then, would the ending to their story be different?

He doesn’t know. It seems that particular rainy day is still before his eyes. It’s late at night, and a figure flashes past at the end of the dim alley.

Jesse: Who’s there!

The surroundings are completely silent. Xia Ming Xing turns his head and looks at the girl’s illuminated window, then quickly chases after that figure.

A crow flaps its wings and flies past at a low altitude. The moss-covered corner is encased by deathly pale moonlight. Xia Ming Xing stops in his footsteps, black blood soaking his shoes.

However, he doesn’t pay any mind to it. His gaze is locked tightly on that figure whose knees are on the ground, bowing devoutly towards the moon.

Jesse: Who are you?

That person turns around slowly. It’s a girl around ten years of age, and she’s small and petite.

Black hair covers her cheeks. She lifts the white candle in her hand, stuffing it into her mouth and chewing on it. The two golden bracelets on her wrist jingle.

Jesse: Her soul has been taken-

The moonlight grows increasingly bright. An indiscernible black spot suddenly appears on the girl’s chest, and the stench of something burning begins to fill the air.

Seeing that the girl is about to bite the tip of her tongue off, a rope flies from his hand, binding and tying the girl up.

The white candle falls to the ground. Xia Ming Xing lifts up two fingers, twisting a charm towards the girl. With a tearing sound, the charm turns into ashes in the air.

Three days later, it’s the day of the final competition of “Upper Hand”

MC is caught in a traffic jam along the way and decides to alight from the taxi halfway through

Sadly, she arrives just as the curtain falls

I hesitate, not knowing if I should approach him.

However, Xiao Ming Xing is already walking towards me. He has changed out of his performance outfit, and is wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, looking clean and fresh.

Jesse: How was it? I didn’t embarrass you, did I?

I don’t really have the guts to look at him.

MC: I’ll tell you something, but don’t get mad.

Jesse: Every time you said that in the past, nothing good happened.

MC: Really?

Jesse: The first time you said it, you broke my game console.

MC: ...

Jesse: The second time you said it, you cooked me expired cup noodles for supper.

MC: ...

Jesse: The third time-

MC: Enough!

Why do I have such a black record!

Jesse: Go on, I’ve mentally prepared myself.

MC: Actually, I only heard the last five seconds of that song.

Jesse: ...

I can clearly sense that he’s akin to a deflated balloon. His eyebrows, which were arched earlier, droop downwards.

MC: Sorry. I’ll treat you to orange soda and vanilla ice-cream until you’re stuffed, okay!

I lift my hand up, gesturing a vow. Pulling a long face earlier, Xia Ming Xing suddenly bursts into laughter.

Jesse: MC, why can’t I get angry with you?

MC: You’ve forgiven me?

Jesse: I didn’t say that.

MC: But you just said that you can’t get angry with me.

Jesse: If you want me to forgive you, sing a song with me!

MC: ...what?

Before I can react, he grabs my hand and rushes towards the stage.

The youth has a smile which says that he has gotten his way. It’s as if this moment is something he’s been plotting for a very long time.

The moment we step onto the stage, a familiar melody sounds. In an instant, I feel as though I’ve travelled to a lifetime ago.

Jesse: Still remember this song? We named it together - “Portrait of Youth”.

How could I not remember? This was the song we wrote together for the competition back then.

It’s the song that we wanted to clinch the championship with.

It was a song we didn’t get to sing in the end.

In an empty basement, we’d hold our cola cans like microphones, practising till late at night.

We had immaturely mimicked the lyrics we didn’t understand at that age. But many years later, I realise that each line has turned into our story.

It’s as though something in the depths of my body is being awakened. It’s the fervour and anticipation that a youth has for the future, throbbing and pure.

My eyes can’t help but feel warm, and I find myself singing along with him involuntarily.

Portrait of Youth (audio here)

That vanilla ice-cream

Melted in our rainy season

That old piano

“Ding dong ding dong” - is the tapping of the hour hand

Back then, I always loved to tease you

But didn’t allow anyone else to make you cry

You always said that I was a koi

But I was always asking you for tuition before exams

Dragonflies fly past our heads

Our inseparable shadows when we were young walk slowly in our memories

On the bicycle, I’m the only one with sweat like rain

I’m the only one left on the bicycle dripping with sweat

You were long gone from behind me

If the storm didn't block our vision that day

If I knew how to say goodbye that day

The flower petals in the diary

The unwashed roll of film from the camera

They wouldn’t be lonely longings

If the string of the kite didn’t break that day

If I could have been slightly braver that day

The empty pages in the diary

Wouldn’t have been filled with moss

The seven years in which we wandered off can’t be lost.

The lights gather in his eyes, and I'm reflected in them. It has been the case since many years ago.

All the stories seem to have ended with summer, but they begin with summer as well.

Fortunately, summer will always arrive. This unfinished story shall begin on this summer day.

#light and night #and that wraps up Jesse's main storyline~

27 notes · View notes

writing-fool · 4 years

Text

mlqc | sunday morning

I recently (well~like three months ago) got into this game called Mr Love: Queen’s Choice, and after doing some ‘research’ aka gaming, I felt confident enough to write something. So, here’s a little headcanon about a blissful Sunday morning with the boys~

Warning(s): ever so slightly NSFW (insinuations of a dirty-minded author), profanity/swearwords

Victor

Victor’s quite the workaholic, as we all know

like this man will be working 60-70 hours a week, often bringing work home with him

you’ll be on the couch in pajamas and acting like a total bum while he’s literally next to you wearing glasses and breezing through 50 reports and documents

you steal his laptop and glasses when he starts criticising your report

“Victor noooooooo~work mode OFF!” as you zoom past him with his prescription glasses (he got them fancy glasses with the blue light filter because he’s A WORKAHOLIC and he’s always staring at a computer)

needless to say, this man doesn’t usually have time to spare

sunday mornings are yours though

Victor doesn’t necessarily take the entire day off, but after a certain dummy’s whining, he has agreed to try and have a lie-in on sundays

he *usually* still wakes up before you, because he functions on like 5 hours of sleep (lemme tell y’all, it’s a curse and a blessing in one)

Vic’s a total tsundere, but these moments definitely show off his #SoftCEO side

his little lovebug is sleeping peacefully, wearing one of his pyjama shirts (I bless you with the headcanon that Victor sleeps in silk pyjama pants sans shirt because he runs HOT)

actually, you’re drooling a little bit but even though Victor’s going to pretend he’s annoyed, he never is

oOOhh, also canon that this man is the big spoon in sleeping positions. he naturally gravitates towards you and holds you tight because he’s NEEDY

sometimes you’ll sleep facing each other. Victor holds you against his chest and just cradles your body in his like his life depends on it

100% will entangle his long ass legs with yours

strokes your hair and presses kisses on the crown of your head to wake you up in a gentle way (despite his demeanour, he’s actually remarkably gentle y’all see why i call him #SoftCEO?)

as you wake up, he’ll mock your bedhead with this incredibly fond look in his eyes baby boy these words don’t match your actions

you guys actually get up rather soon after, cos you are both busy people...

fun times in the bathroom not like tHAT well actually kinda~ but for legal reasons everything you do is PG, please spare author-nim who’s still ~barely~ underage

you take a shower and belt your favourite song that’s playing from the built-in speaker (did Victor get a built-in speaker because you thought it was cool? yep. did you ask? nope. did he do it anyways? yehep.) while he goes through his simple morning routine

you probably have more steps in your skincare routine, but he uses a serum, cleanser, moisturizer and some eye cream on the daily

has given you permission to do his skincare at night whenever you both have time

to reciprocate, he dries your hair after your shower you guys HAVE listened to the Right Beside You ASMR, right? ...it’s on YT for free because we’re poor, i know

also canon, blowing raspberries on Victor’s bare back while he’s brushing his teeth will make him choke on toothpaste. tested and approved by MC

“Dummy. What on earth are you doing?”

he hangs around and waits for you to get ready if he’s already done, you do the same. time is something Victor knows all too well, so the precious time he has, he wants to spend with you.

you guys DON’T shower together in the morning because really you’re not getting cleaner ahhh author-nim should really stop

afterwards, you get dressed in some relatively casual clothes (i’m talking a dress shirt without a tie or a polo shirt because no way that this man owns actual t-shirts) and have a simple breakfast

he cooks, obviously.

always makes a balanced, Chinese breakfast (congee or wonton, noodles, tofu pudding, etc.) because he wants you two to start the day well, even on a slow sunday

also, he travels a lot, so he likes eating Chinese food whenever he’s home

ahh...waking up with Victor just sounds like a dream

Lucien

i’m a bit biased on this bitch because he was my first favourite in the game so this might get long. might not. just,,,we’ll see

Lucien is a bit like Victor, where he doesn’t sleep much and works a lot

On the other hand, his work is...ehem...shadier, so he usually works in his office when he’s at home

you’ll both have your own space to do whatever you need to do

days off for Lucien are rare. he usually powers through until he drops

for someone who constantly reminds you to take care of yourself, he’s mediocre at doing exactly that

after getting to know him better, which wasn’t an easy feat because damn this man has more layers than an onion he’ll also make you cry more bUUT we’re not ready to unpack that suitcase, you start noticing when he needs a day off. often even before he notices

you lock his office door and force him to take the FULL day off at least

he could technically open his office again, but he loves you and he’ll humour your attempts

Lucien wakes up before you. always. you’ve seen him asleep like 3 times in your entire relationship.

Luci sleeps like 8 hours,,,a week.

he watches you sleep i feel like that makes too much sense for his character. we love a creepy boy. and wholeheartedly feels at rest with your sleeping figure by his side

in his sleep, Lucien lies on his back, holding you by the waist as you sleep on top of him. your leg is often slung around his middle, so you’re enveloping him. he likes the weight of you on top of him; it keeps him grounded and he likes feeling like he’s yours as much as you are his.

on another note, Lucifer—ah whoops—sleeps butt naked. i honestly can’t imagine him wearing clothes in bed. he’s not shy about his body and feels absolutely no need to cover up for his significant other.

you, however, don’t usually sleep naked. well...nowadays you end up sleeping naked more often than not because alright author-nim’s horrible. can’t help it, he’s a fucking scorpio?

because you guys take a day off, Lucien’s content with waiting and watching until you wake up

he feels you stir on his chest and honestly your drowsy eyes make him swoon

“Already awake, my beautiful butterfly?”

his slightly husky morning voice *really* does things to a person tbh

you guys stay in bed for a good half hour after you wake up, just cuddling and talking, also sneaking in a kiss here and there

you have the same habit of tracing each other’s bodies with your fingertips

his fingers flutter over your waist, you trace his chest or hands with your index again, it’s a very grounding experience to Lucien

when you do get up and head to the bathroom, first thing you do is shower together

he likes washing your hair

bathroom bits might happen, but surprisingly, it’s not a thing that happens a lot so don’t come at me. we’re being wholesome

Lucien’s incredibly intimate and his love language is touch. Yes, he has a way with words but he’s also a really good manipulator

he’s used his words for evil too often and therefore can’t trust words anymore. so he uses physical intimacy as a way to show love.

Lucien has a skincare routine of dermatologically approved products. a double cleanse, serum, essence and moisturizer. he uses anti-age sometimes to prevent later wrinkles.

they’re also one of the reasons why he smells clean and fresh

will tickle you when you’re rinsing your mouth. you’ve sprayed water all over the bathroom mirror before. he loves the reaction.

if you’re having a day off, you’ll probably just wear sweatpants and a t-shirt or a sweater. Lucien’s closet is relatively plain but clean. he has the best cable-knit sweaters/cardigans though.

your breakfast consists of western things like yogurt or oatmeal. Lucien likes having fruit at the start of the day

the rest of the day is spent relaxing and lounging, walking in the park, biking, reading, drawing, whatever you’d like

maaan...i wish i had more days off

Gavin

Gavin’s actually a decently laid-back person on weekends

like, sure he has to work a lot, but his job doesn’t necessarily force him to work from home, so you pretty much have his full attention at home but also he can’t bear to not give you his full attention so what are we expecting

the nasty thing about Gavin being a police officer is that sometimes, he gets called up and needs to work at unconventional hours

also, he gets injured. most of his injuries are minor, but that doesn’t stop you from worrying.

but anyways, he’s not a total busy bee when he’s at home, and relaxing isn’t exceptional

sunday mornings are...well...active. Birdcop goes on a run/hits the gym every morning, so he’s awake by 6am. what did y’all think i was going to write

afterwards, he takes a quick shower and joins you in bed again.

Gavin sleeps in a pair of basketball shorts and a singlet. he’s somewhat shy about sleeping shirtless, and god forbid he sleep naked. but it’s all good and he respects your boundaries. besides, he’s comfortable in his sleep and that’s all that matters.

you spoon in your sleep. sometimes, he’s the big spoon because he likes being able to ‘protect’ you in his sleep. other times, he relishes in the comfort of being the little spoon and feeling you pressed up against his back.

very important headcanon! you’ve learnt to sleep with the bedroom window open. on workdays, Gavin gets home late and jumps right into the bedroom. it’s become a typical habit for you two, although you used to be grumpy about not being able to sleep with the noises of traffic.

you’re usually awoken by the sound of the shower and Gavin’s humming it’s canon that he hums now, bitches. also I bet his singing voice is amazing

so it’s less ‘sleeping in’ and more ‘lounging in bed like the lazy bastards you are’ i’m kiDDING

if he’s able to, Gavin might convince you to go on a run with him....but let’s be honest, you rarely agree

Gavin’s a total cuddlebug though, so be prepared to spend the next forty-five minutes in the tightest hug ever (to be fair, you’re not complaining)

he’s completely soft for you and you’ll have to wrestle out of his grip to get to the bathroom

you don’t shower in the morning, so everything’s pretty quick

Gavin doesn’t actually have a good skincare regiment tbh...he’ll slap on some cream and that’s it. probably washes his face in the shower with body wash...AND HIS SKIN STILL LOOKS AMAZING

you like making funny faces in the mirror while brushing your teeth and making Gavin laugh while he’s watching you in the doorway. he loves how you just make his day with the smallest things.

you guys both dress in really casual clothing, like hoodies and shorts/sweatpants/pj pants unless you’re going somewhere

Gavin has them grey sweatpants, if you know what I mean okay I’ll chill, sorry~

you wear his shirts a lot because they’re super big on you and Gavin secretly not-so-secretly thinks you’re adorable in them (a good thing about Gavin is that he’s easy to read; he blushes rather quickly)

“Ahh...it’s just—you look so tiny and cute.” guess he’s not the only one blushing now

i see Gavin as a ‘bun for breakfast’ kind of person. he picks them up at the stall a couple of miles away when he heads home. sometimes he does so running, other times...well he’s not called Birdcop for nothing

you guys have 2 buns each for breakfast because they’re delicious

lounge time is often spent gaming or cleaning the house (you’re both busy people and Gavin tends to get messy because he just chucks clothes on the floor after a hard workday)

you make the most out of your sunday, hoping Gavin doesn’t get called in

who wouldn’t like being domestic with Gavin?

Kiro

Kiro, unsurprisingly, has an incredibly busy schedule

one that, similar to Gavin, isn’t really decided by himself

i suppose his situation is a tad bit worse than Birdcop’s, since his workdays don’t even actually end when he gets home. he constantly practices choreos, singing, etc. at home

so, full days off are few and very, very far between

this makes them extra precious

it helps to have a lazy morning once in a while though (in Kiro’s case, lazy sundays are most likely a bi-weekly thing)

you wake up first! Kiro needs his beauty sleep, and damn this boy can knock in 16 hours of sleep if need be

you’ll probably lay in bed for a while and then attempt to get up and ready for the day

until...you feel Kiro’s arm tugging you back

for a skinny, lithe boy, he’s remarkably strong. he pulls you back to bed with the groggiest, cutest sleep-laced voice EVER

“Mmm, Miss Chips, it’s not time to wake up yet, is it?”

he snuggles into you and refuses to wake up unless you give him kisses

during the night, Kiro sleeps in actual pyjamas with cute characters on them. when he feels lazy, he’ll probably just slip on a t-shirt and some boxer shorts, but he likes putting in the effort to wear matching couple pyjamas

Kiro cuddles with you 24/7, and sleep makes little difference here. he’s often the little spoon because he does like feeling your presence and your grip on him. he moves around when sleeping, so you might end up out of each other’s embrace, but Kiro subconsciously always touches you in some way or form, like holding hands or intertwining legs. he’s a man with many identities and needs your presence as a reassurance that he’s still the man that you love

he loves to pepper your face with kisses after getting home from rehearsals/concerts, claiming that it gives him energy

you do the same in the morning, anything to hear that sweet giggle of his

he’s deceptively cute though, and innocent morning kisses tend to spiral into...something more let’s just be honest, his stamina is something else entirely i’M SORRY

morning exercise? check. Hotel? Trivago. non-sponsored~

you guys don’t shower in the morning. Kiro’s used to showering after practice, which is late at night, and you shower in the evenings to help you relax

however, on a rare occasion, you’ll draw a nice bath together and play around with bubbles and scented bath bombs so fun and relaxing

Kiro totally has a 14-step skincare regiment. you don’t get that beautiful baby-smooth skin without some effort.

he has the best ‘mid-range to high-end’ products on the market, and loves sweet and floral scents for his skincare and makeup. you guys try to line up each other’s routines to be able to do them together every morning.

Kiro also has a huge bedhead in the morning! it’s your job to get this sleepyhead styled for a fun day

even Kiro’s casual loungewear is top-notch hip and trendy. he has fun sweatpants with chains, belts, patches, you name it. he likes holding a little fashion show with you, no matter what you two are wearing

old jeans? strut it. thrifted shirt? vogue, honey.

Kiro’s on a strict diet, so usually he has a smoothie and some tofu pudding for breakfast. on occasion, you’ll indulge him in something decadent, like French toast or pancakes. on moments like these, you swear he loves you juuuuuust a little more but don’t tell Savin!

you guys are a relatively active couple, so unless you’re inside gaming or busy working, you’ll spend some time in thrift stores or karaoke bars, arcades, fun fairs,...

just thinking about Kiro brightens my day...

As always, I hope you enjoyed reading this! I’ll try to bring out more content for K-Pop idols, otome characters and anime characters during the holidays. Requests are still open, so don’t be afraid to send a little message in my ask-box!

Love,

#mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc fanfic #mlqc imagine #mlqc kiro #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #xu mo #li zeyan #zhou qilou #bai qi #mlqc headcanon #mr love #love and producer #evol x love #lucien #kiro #victor #gavin

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melisa-may-taylor72 · 4 years

Photo

Accolades such as “greatest single long-playing achievement since Sgt. Pepper” and “the most important record album ever made” fall over Queen’s latest album as easily as butter melting on a hot potato—but few realize what a hot potato the album actually was in its pre-release days. It took a bevy of high-powered attorneys, some low-life finagling, and more than the usual amount of wheelerdealing just to get the album out without its being hacked to death by defamation-of-character suits.

Guitarist Brian May explains: “I’m in real difficulty here because I’ve been threatened with libel because our old management had a good go at stopping the album coming out. They thought “Death on Two Legs’’ was about them. They wanted us to take the track off and we nearly had to, and in fact they got a load of money out of our publishing company because it supposedly was libelous, but it’s never been proven. It’s all very stupid—they wanted to sue Freddie, the band, the publishing company, and the record company.”

All very dramatic stuff, but a band like Queen survives not on operatic finesse alone, but on gut-level melo- dramatics in the business department as well. When you produce your records, write the songs, play all the instruments, and do everything yourself, chances are you’re going to have to pay some legal dues, too. But ah! the rewards—such as the single, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” hanging into the #1 spot in the British charts for seven weeks in a row!

“We’re a bit more in the public eye now, we’re starting to get recognized a lot more,” says Brian May. “We’re carrying on working just as we did before, but obviously we’re very pleased with how the record’s doing. It’s sold more than a million copies in England— can’t believe it.” But it’s true: Queen’s stature in England has risen from that of The #1 teenage hard rock band to that of the-group- that-made-the-single-that-every-house- wife-knows-by-heart”.

What propelled Queen in that direction is their Night at the Opera album, a slight departure from what Queen fans know to be the Queen sound. The hard rock screams have temporarily subsided, replaced by experimentation with different voicings of instruments and production tricks. Those who found Queen’s approach overdecibelled can relax to the quiet “ ‘39” or “Good Company” and tap their feet to “Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon” without fear of being gui- tarred to death. “It’s just what came out,” says Brian. “They’re offshoots of our main direction. There’s plenty of time for the rock.”

“The album wasn’t really supposed to go in the direction that it did, it was just the songs we had. While we were making it we were thinking, ‘Yeah, it is getting a bit light,’ but rather than fight against it we decided to do it properly and then think again afterwards. So instead of trying to heavy up the lighter things, we pressed on. We had a few things we didn’t use, but we’re getting more demanding of ourselves. There are a few heavy things kicking around, but we may use them on the next record.”

The two strongest forces in Queen have always been Brian and Freddie. With A Night at the Opera, where experimentation and branching out in new directions are the most obvious characteristics, the personalities of the band are often obscured by the newly emerging elements. “Sometimes I feel that Freddie and I are going in different directions, but then he’ll come up with something and I’ll think, ‘My God—we do think alike.’ When I’m working on one of his things I can tune in very easily to what guitar part he wants, and vice-versa. In terms of what we’re trying to do in songs, we are moving in different directions, but I think that could be a good thing.”

QUEEN II: Critical response to the band is now almost unanimously favorable in both Great Britain and the United States, which is quite phenomenal when you stop and think of how anxious many critics were to pan them two years ago.“I’m not going to take it too seriously,” Brian says, “because I remember what the critics said about Queen II. It would seem that everybody is beginning to like us. … very much. I can take it at that level, but there’s no doubt in my mind that sometime in the future there’ll come a time when we get slagged for everything. Queen II is still my favorite of the Queen albums, certainly the most daring. Especially for the time. I think we’re still finding our feet now, and the way I feel about the new album is that we’re searching for new directions and most of them are sort of half-formed. We’ve got the Queen II feel in some places, and in others we’ve got the Sheer Heart Attack polish. I don’t think we’re quite sure where we’re going”.

“This album, at the very least, negates all the comparisons to Led Zeppelin that we’ve been living with for the past three years. I think Physical Graffiti is amazing, by the way. I saw Zeppelin at Earls Court, and I met Pagey afterward, for the first time. It was great, he was very nice and gentle. I respect him a tremendous amount for “Kashmir” and “The Light,” for being able to put his brain on record—- it wouldn’t matter if he couldn’t play a note.”

Economic criticism has been less favorable, however. A Night at the Opera was widely rumored to be “the most expensive album ever made” when it was released, a point which Queen’s management denies. Nevertheless, Queen has been taken to task by quite a few English journalists for spending so much money estimated at £30-40,000—making one record. Brian has a retort: “We wouldn’t have spent so much money if the studios weren’t so bloody expensive!

The album was recorded in seven of them, sometimes three at once.” We weren’t mucking about for any of it, it was four months of solid work. It came down to having the equipment available for four months, and we didn’t begrudge the amount of time spent in the studios, but it comes to a fair amount of money. There’s a lot of things that seem light, like “Good Company,” which actually took a great deal of time and care. All those trumpets and clarinets being fashioned from guitar sounds—I took it quite seriously because I wanted to do it right, even though it was a lighthearted thing. We worked too hard for our own health, we got a bit down and depressed.”

While Queen was laying about England between record and tour, a few of them got going on some independent projects. Brian and Roger produced an R&B group’s single, but there were some record company hassles and it may be some time before the record gets released. And on the eve of the American tour, Freddie Mercury went into the studios with a singer/songwriter managed by the Rocket Organization (which manages Queen as well) to try his hand at production. “Eddie Howells is the guy’s name, and he’s managed by David Mead, and they’re doing a single for Warners. I’m playing some guitar on it.” Brian restrained himself from going out on any limbs before the American tour in order to get himself physically fit. His health had been a crucial problem on an earlier American tour, and he’s not particularly anxious to spend time in hospitals when he could be onstage instead. “I actually get more tired offtour than ontour,”he admits. But I am in good health.”

HAIRY LEGS: Once the English leg of the tour did get started, word started to flow very quickly back to the States about Queen’s dramatic stage show—a stage show to end all stage shows, with Mercury donning short-shorts to add a bit of the hairy leg to Queen’s otherwise pristeen presentation. “The show is the same, but different,” Brian says confusedly. “We’ve merely developed what we did before with some new material from the new album. It’s a bit of reshuffling. Plus we do “Doing All- right” from the first album, which we’ve never done onstage before. And “Seven Seas of Rhye,” which we’d do in England but never in America before. It’s quite a lot different, actually.”

American audiences got their first chance to sample the new presentation on January 27 in Waterbury, Conn., when the first concert of Queen’s scheduled 32-date, 21-city American tour got underway in the Palace Theatre. After arriving in the States at Kennedy International on January 20 and spending a couple of days in New York for interviews, Queen began five days of rehearsals at the Palace to ready their show for American fans across the country.

After Waterbury they dove headfirst into the intensive six-week tour, which featured extended runs in New York, Philadelphia, and Los Angeles before its scheduled end March 12 at the San Diego Sports Arena.

Despite the novel direction of the new album, onstage Queen proved to be the same rocking outfit they’ve always been, letting loose with the same kind of guitar-bass-drums-piano barrage they’ve delivered in the past. “We don’t do “39” or “Lazing on aSunday Afternoon” in our show,“ Brian explains. He seems a bit defensive of Queen’s rock spirit, which is kept intact in the live set by “BohemianRhapsody,” “Sweet Lady,” “Prophet Song” and the deletion of the “experimental tunes” from A Night At the Opera.

By the by, those who missed Queenon earlier tours but want to see how they’ve changed now have the means. Queen bave joined the prestigious ranks of the Zeppelins, the Beatles, and the Rolling Stones whereby sorne illegal entrepreneur has issued a boot leg album of one of their American concerts. “I hate those things-they rarely give an accurate picture of the group,” Brian states unequivocally, and in this case he’s right. The Queen bootleg has transistor radio fidelity, and the only truly audible members of the band are Brian and Freddie. Yet the fact that a bootleg exists confirms the fact that Queen is now well on their way to the top.

CIRCUS MAGAZINE, APRIL 1975

@natromanxoff, @mephisto92, @moviestorian, @x5vale, @39-brian, @onegoldenglance, @crosmopolitan, @an-abyss-called-life, @his-majesty-king-mercury, @i-live-for-queen, @brian-39-may, @toomuchlove-willkillyou, @brimaymay, @sail-away-sweet-sister, @drummerqueenrmt, @old-fashioned-roger-boy-deactiv, @briianmaay, @l-over-bo-y, @inui-mycroft, @deacytits, @iminlovewithrogscar, @drowseoftaylor, @brianmayislongaway, @balticlover, @astrophysicist-guitar-god, @miez-lakatz, @brianmayoucease, @jesus-in-a-life-boat, @roger-taylors-car, @silapril, @sherrifanciesfriskyfreddie, @tenderbri, @brianmydear, @thosequeenboys, @millionairewaltz-carpediem, @painandpleasure86, @bribrifrenchfry, @xlucylennonx, @a-night-at-the-abbey-road, @inthedayswhenlandswerefew, @madformeddowstaylor, @queenrogertaylorfan, @let-roger-get-a-lunch, @queen-for-life, @rethought, @darlinginnuendo, @mymakeupmaybeflaking, @old-but-still-a-child, @let-roger-get-a-lunch, @warriorteam1924, @funnydressesweirdhairanddance, @painkiller80, @thefanhuman13, @yourtieddownmother, @hgmercury39, @brimi-stardust, @thefairyfellermercury, @retroromantics, @foxmonkey, @sophiaintheskywithdiamonds, @holybrianmaywritingbear, @lydiannode, @39-yellow-daffodils , @ure-gonna-loveme-when-u-seeme, @kaykaybeachgirl, @rhysjoejoshtomfarisblog @redspecialandclogsandcurls, @briansrainbowsocks, @delilahmay39, @ohmybribri, @bless-the-queen, @infunitehearbeat, @sketchiesscketches, @everythingaboutfreddie, @doitforthevine67, @recordsoftheseventies, @tenementfunsterwithpurpleshoes, @drummah-in-a-rocknroll-band, @beatlegirl1968, @maylorsqueen, @shearrehartatacc, @gralto, @alittlepeoplemagic, @rainbowsockbrian, @sailawaysweetbrimi

#Circus Magazine #Queen article

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evanoracronwell · 4 years

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Sunrise

Malex Cupid 2021 by @malex-cupid

Day 3: “Do you know what today is?”

Also on ao3

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It is the sound of the phone ringing that awakens him.

With a grunt, he rolls over the bed until he reaches the nightstand and picks up the device, when he sees the notification on the screen the smile opens on his lips, and any irritation at being woken up disappears.

I'm already on my way home.

I can't wait to see you.

Love you.

Alex.

Alex, his beautiful and irresistible boyfriend.

And fuck if Michael would ever get tired of that word.

Smiling like a teenager, Michael answered the message, and as soon as he pressed to send he heard the growl coming from his feet on the bed. Wrinkling his nose, he looked at the beagle spread on the bed with his face completely mashed from sleeping.

"What is it, girl? It's not that early, it was almost time to get up anyway. We have a lot of things to take care of today"

With an excitement that made Buffy snort indignantly, Michael got out of bed and goes straight to the bathroom to take a quick shower and finish waking up.

Today was a very important day.

It was the first Valentine's Day that he and Alex would spend together, as a couple.

And well, honestly speaking, it was the first Valentine's Day that Michael would celebrate at all. He had no idea how to make it work. But it had to be perfect.

Because Alex deserved nothing but perfection.

So he changed his clothes and get ready to start the day.

He took Buffy for a walk even though the dog was clearly outraged about getting out of bed so early on Sunday morning.

He cleaned the whole cabin, feeling extremely proud of the home he built with Alex.

Now completely renovated, the cabin barely resembled that house that Alex had inherited from old Jim.

The couple's bedroom had been painted a light color, the bed replaced by a king bed, the wardrobe custom-made by Michael himself. The chair in the corner where Buffy always took refuge to sleep when she wasn't in bed with them.

The bathroom had been enlarged and adapted to Alex's needs, the treat they had done to themselves by buying a hot tub, and that they spent hours and hours in the water relaxing after a tiring day.

The living room now has a huge and comfortable sofa, armchairs and a television.

The kitchen had been renovated and modernized.

Everything was so perfect, so ... theirs.

The photos were scattered around the rooms. Showing captured moments of happiness between him, Alex, and the whole gang.

After so many years, Michael finally had a home to call his own.

And most importantly, a home with Alex. What made it even more special

With the house clean it was Buffy's turn to face the terrible shower, and the cowboy could only laugh while the dog whimpered as if she were suffering the worst torture at the hand of one of her fathers. But there she was, bathed and smelling the baby scent of the products they bought at the pet store, and with a pretty red bow that Isobel had made to buy for the dog.

And that was exactly why today had to be just perfect.

Because after eight months of living together, he would finally ask the hand of that beautiful man in marriage.

"Okay girl, now you behave yourself because Dad needs to go out and buy things to make dinner. Your daddy will be here tonight." He smiled when he saw how Buffy immediately reacted to Alex's mention. "That's right, girl, he'll be back today."

Michael had also changed a lot, months ago he had opened his own mechanical garage after old Sander decided to retire, the place had undergone a major renovation and was nowhere near the old Junkyard. Michael even had employees working with him, well ... just two kids that Michael was still training and teaching everything. But they were good kids and above all, hardworking, and after all, Michael never even imagined that he would have his own business.

As he drove to the market downtown, Michael found himself thinking about how much life had changed.

After Alex finally left the air force, he got a job at a private security company in Washington, but luckily he could work remotely, they paid extremely well and it made the job too perfect for Alex to turn down, so now taking the few trips he took to personally attend a few customers, Alex was always at home.

When parking the truck in front of the market, the cowboy smiled when he saw his sister standing at the front door waiting for him.

"You know when I said I was coming to the market when you called me, it wasn't an invitation for you to join me." Michael grunted, rolling his eyes as he grabbed a shopping cart and Isobel joined him in the aisles.

"Please, as if you could keep me away. Now tell me, how are the preparations for the big night?"

"I already cleaned the whole cabin and bathed Buffy and yes, I put on the bow you brought her yesterday."

"Great, my niece has to be beautiful. The candles?"

"I have already spread some of those aromatic candles around the house, I will light them as soon as I hear his car pull over. The delivery man left the flowers for me just before I left the house, they are already in the water and I will finish fixing them when I return home."

"Your clothes?"

"Washed and ironed."

"The ring?"

"On my nightstand."

"Your heart?"

"Coming out from my mouth."

Isobel laughed out loud at her brother's terrified look and hugged him around the waist, laying her head on his shoulder as she watched Michael go putting all the items in the cart.

"Michael, he loves you. Nothing is going to go wrong tonight, trust me. He will say yes. There is no couple in the world more perfect for each other than the two of you."

"We really are perfect together, aren't we?"

Isobel laughed again at her brother's silly passionate look, but she still agreed, because in fact there was no couple more in love and more perfect for each other than Michael and Alex.

"So, what's the menu going to be?"

The small box in his trouser pocket seemed to weigh a ton, making Michael's nervousness increase by the second.

Well, it turns out that cooking seems a lot easier in the videos he had seen on the internet than in practice. Not that Michael was not a good cook, he was, but he understood a lot more about cooking typical daily foods, yet he couldn't deny that he did an excellent job.

A few hours later and he had a perfect gorgonzola risotto, a rare grilled steak with a sauce of herbs and vegetables sautéed in butter. The table was already prepared with candles and a flower arrangement, beautiful, but small so that it wouldn't disturb them to look each other in the eye.

With a shower already taken and perfumed Michael looked in the mirror, that was not the kind of clothes he used to wear, dark gray trousers and a light blue shirt, but it was worth it, especially when he knew how turned on gets seeing him like that.

Perfect.

Tonight had to be perfect.

When Alex parked in front of the cabin all he could think about was how much he missed Michael, after four days away, all he wanted to hug his boyfriend and get into the hot tub for hours.

Upon opening the door, however, Alex felt his heart skip a beat.

"Do you know what today is?”

The room was lit only by two lamps that barely gave any light, leaving the rest of the lighting responsible for some candles. And flowers, white roses because Michael knew it was Alex's favorite, scattered as buds and petals everywhere. And right there, in the middle of the room, the most beautiful of all men.

Michael looked at him with a smile on his lips and his eyes were already watering.

"Michael ...?" Alex asked confused but thrilled as he dropped his backpack at the entrance to the cabin and took a step closer to Michael.

"It's Valentine's Day Alex, our first Valentine's Day together. And I've spent a lifetime wishing for this day, but never really believing that it could truly happen. Thirteen years ago you gave me a place to spend the cold nights, a guitar, and one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen in my life. " Michael started talking, staring at Alex, who was still a little confused, walking towards his boyfriend until he stopped in front of him. "You showed me that there was good in people and that there was a place for me here, on Roswell. On this planet. You gave me hope, Alex, hope that I could be happy, hope that there was more to people than just cruelty and second intentions. You taught me what it is to love and be loved in such a pure and intense way that it stayed with me, saved in my heart for more than a decade. Nurturing and comforting me every time I felt alone and lost. "

The cowboy smiled and touched Alex's face, who was looking at him so beautifully, his eyes already wet and shedding silent tears, both of them barely moving in fear of breaking that moment so sublime. Michael, speaking in a whisper as if he was afraid to wake up from that dream he felt he was living.

"There hasn't been a single day in my life that I haven't missed you, that I haven't thought of you, and most of all, that I haven't loved you. I'm yours, Alex, totally and completely yours, body, soul, and heart. I am yours to do anything you want. I always have been and will continue to be until my last breath, and beyond that too. I waited more than a decade to finally have you in my arms, and here we are living a life that I never even dared to dream of being possible. But we're here, celebrating our first Valentine's Day together. But I want more. "

With a beautiful smile, Michael took the box out of his pocket and saw how Alex immediately choked and sobbed as Michael went down on one knee showing him a beautiful and delicate silver band.

"I want to celebrate every Valentine's day with you, I want to start a family and see kids running around in our backyard, I want to adopt more dogs, I want to grow old by your side Alex. So please, could you make me the happiest man in the world and accept being my husband?"

Feeling completely overwhelmed with all the emotions he felt at that moment, Alex felt unable to even breathe for a few seconds while looking at Michael.

The beautiful and irresistible, Michael.

The eternal love of his life, Michael.

Kneeling at his feet asking Alex to be his forever.

"There is nothing in this world that I want more than to be your husband."

It was Buffy's bark that woke him, the small, plump beagle was lying on the sofa and Alex laughed when he saw her adorned with a red bow with the words "be my valentine" in white. Looking back at the man kneeling in front of him, Alex smiled so delighted and in love that Michael didn't even dare to blink for fear of losing that vision.

Alex never thought it possible to love that man more than he already did, but here was Michael proving him wrong.

Alex answered in a hoarse and choked voice and then threw himself into Michael's arms causing them to fall on the carpet in the middle of the room, between tears and laughter they kissed in love while Buffy barked and mumbled as if she were also celebrating the news.

"I love you, Michael." Alex murmured against Michael's already red and swollen lips after exchanging long, passionate kisses.

"I love you, too, Alex."

When the next day dawned, Michael grunted when he felt the light coming through the window waking him up. But the sigh coming from the man between his arms made him open his eyes and smile.

Last night had been perfect, much more than he had imagined.

Alex had accepted his proposal, they had eaten dinner while talking and listening to the soft melody that Michael had selected to play, and then they had spent a long time immersed in the hot tub where Michael sank into Alex's body, loving every bit of skin that he could touch. Only later, they went to bed and it was the cowboy's turn to ride Alex passionately, taking all the beautiful moans out of that mouth that he loved to kiss.

Now, holding the most important person in his life in his arms, Michael sighed contentedly as he brought his body closer to Alex, wrapping him tighter in his arms, and then smiled seeing the ring adorning that beautiful man's finger.

Alex, his fiance.

Alex, his future husband.

Yes, Michael smiled feeling his heart overflowing with love and happiness.

He smiled feeling the warmth of a new sunrise touching his skin and bringing all the promise of a long and happy life with Alex

Life couldn't be more perfect.

#malex #malec fic #malexcupid21 #day 3 #prompt: do you know what today is?#alex manes #michael guerin #roswellnm #malex fluff #valentinesday #proposal

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longinglook · 4 years

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I may or may not have spent my entire Sunday binge watching all of I told sunset about you and Gaya sa pelikula and now I have so many thoughts and feelings that I need to write about them so here we go! Under a read more (if tumblr allows me to) because it’s 2k words hehe

First of all, I knew next to nothing about both shows before starting them. I had seen a couple of gifs here and there, but really had no idea what I was in for.

I started with I told sunset about you, which has 3 episodes out of 5 out. All I knew is that it was going to be beautiful and possibly sad, and it was. Everything about this show is so high quality, from the audio to the dialogue to the locations to the acting, just wow. The production is better than a lot of movies I’ve seen, and every technical aspect is perfect. I am really loving the plot so far as well, I find the childhood friendship to stubborn rivalry to grown up friendship again very relatable. I think it’s a very common experience for a lot of non straight folks to develop an extremely close bond with a same sex friend when you’re too young to realize what you’re actually feeling for them until you’re a lot older and suddely the jealousy and possessivenes all make sense.

I love the recurring themes sprinkled throughout the episodes, starting from the chinese vocabulary that expresses the core thoughts of the two main characters: rival, intimacy, secret, male protagonist, as promised. They could easily be the episode titles, or the names of imaginary sections the show could be divided into. It’s a great way to integrate metaphors and deeper meaning into the plot.

That’s how most of the communication goes in this show, deep emotions are never conveyed through words because words are scary and loud and they can’t be taken back once they’re out there. The plot advances though stares and gestures and touch and gorgeous shots of the landscape. The pace is slow with hour-long episodes that could each be a movie of their own. This worried me a bit before starting, and I have to admit that at times I struggled to stay focused, especially during scenes that set the mood but don’t do much plot-wise. This is just a personal preference, though, and in no way I see it as a flaw.

The dancing around each other the main characters do, sometimes literal, is frustrating but it determines an emotional build up that’s just starting to reach its peak. This is one of those shows that has me screaming if only they talked to each other, but the silences and unspoken words are so well directed and acted that it works. I struggle a lot with keeping in mind that they’re still in high school, they’re very young and I can’t expect them to act rationally just yet.

I was really worried about Teh possibly going the insufferable Theory-of-love-khai way, and I am still not 100% sold on him. When he started helping Oh-aew again it felt like he was just doing it to make himself feel better about the whole thing. It was frustrating to see him so possessive and jealous while also so deeply in denial about his own feelings, to the point where he had me rooting for Bas instead. He was getting better, but then he fled at the end of episode 3 and now I have no clue what’s going to happen next. About this, I really have no idea if they’re going for a happy ending or a sad one. I’m really hoping it will be good, because so far there has been barely any emotional payoff for all the repressed longing and misunderstanding the show has put us through.

I do like their dynamic a lot though, I have a weak spot for childhood friends reconnecting and an ever weaker spot for informal mentor/mentee relationships. Oh-aew asking Teh to tutor him until he passes the admission exam was an almost exact mirror of Yuri on ice Yuri begging Victor to be his coach until he retires and I loved that a lot.

Now on to the one issue I have with this show: it feels too much like an art film. It reminds me of Moonlight and Call me by your name, in the way that I wasn’t able to connect with those movies because they are too perfect. They are so beautiful and carefully crafted that I can’t fully immerse myself in them. There’s a filter that stops me from relating to the characters and constantly reminds me that this is not reality. It’s pretty, it’s extremely well done, but it feels like art. It has some quirks, some scenes that feel too artificial. One scene in particular, the one where Teh buries his head in the paper Oh-aew wrote with his coconut scented pen to sniff it, which is a direct parallel to Call me by your name, bothered me in particular. Just as it felt over-the-top and purposefully weird in the movie, so it feels in the show. It’s a way of showcasing how a confused teen deals with attraction he barely understands, it’s raw and animalistic in a way, but it’s so quirky that all it accomplishes is to remind me that I’m watching an lgbt show. It makes me wonder if a scene like this would make sense in a straight relationship because here it seems to highlight how different and primal his attraction is. If I had to pinpoint it, I’d say that I have a problem with media showcasing queerness though peculiar, purposefully awkward scenes like these instead of normal kissing and cuddling.

Overall, I can’t wait to see how this show ends and I still think it’s one of the best bls to air in 2020, if not ever. It’s refreshing to see something with a big budget used well! So far my rating is 8/10, which I know is a lot lower than what everyone else seems to think but it’s still very much subject to change! Just hoping they won’t pull a Make our days count, but I doubt they’ll go there.

And now Gaya sa pelikula. Wow. Again, I knew next to nothing about this show before watching, and I was coming from a 3 hour I told sunset about you binge watch, so the bar was pretty high.

And boy, did this show deliver. I was blown away by the depth and the humor of it. It feels like the writers had fun taking all sorts of common tropes and stereotypes just to show everyone how well they can be evolved and made complex. Two strangers who somehow find themselves sharing an apartment sounds like the start of so many fanfictions out there, but it’s so well executed and interesting that you don’t even stop to think about how weak the premises for their meeting are. It doesn’t matter and it’s not even that far-fetched, either. The sister and the neighbor are also two characters that start off as extra stereotyped, but in just a few scenes they unveil an incredible depth and backstory. It blew me away.

Each character is so realistic. Everything they do and say makes sense, they all have their reasons and their past and they react accordingly, it’s so coherent. It’s impressive how everything takes place inside the house and you barely realize it because things happen and the plot moves anyways, and the way information about external events and people is conveyed is so seamless that you don’t even notice it. In only 7 episodes (so far) they have managed to give everyone a complex background and personality through the use of objects and small details and wow don’t get me started on the music.

The soundtrack is SO GOOD. I never really pay attention to music in shows but it plays a very important role here in my opinion and, well, it’s exactly the kind of music I like listening to and ahhh I just spent 4 hours playing the first kiss song on loop so I might be biased. Right from the start in episode 1, when Karl gives in to Vlad’s music and starts dancing to it, it’s established that it’s an important element to the mood of each scene. I love how the dancing I talked about for I told sunset about you comes back here, but while I saw it as a hesitant dancing around each other there, here it’s the opposite, it’s freeing and it’s about accepting yourself. And the end of episode 6 highlights this, with the beautiful quote “You are entitled to a love that lets you dance without fear and shame.” It made me cry a looooot.

I think the development of their relationship is masterfully done. It doesn’t happen too quickly nor too slowly. Karl goes through some needed shocks that act as his wake up call. When I’m watching bl shows I care the most about them feeling real and relatable. I don’t want to feel like they were written by a straight person trying to guess what it’s like to be gay. Now I didn’t look anything up about the Gaya sa pelikula writers, but I’d be very surprised if they were straight. I can relate to both Karl and Vlad for different aspects of their stories and their worries and thoughts. There was one part in particular that hit so close that I had to take a few breaks because it hurt too much. I am a lesbian, I’ve had relationship with a girl that lasted over a year, I am out to some friends but not all. I never came out to my parents, who are both very open minded and friends with a lot of gay people and would love me just as much if I told them, and yet I can’t. It’s not just that, I am terrified by the idea of them already knowing or being able to guess. When Karl freaked out over his uncle guessing, it hit me so hard because I’ve felt the same way so many times.

Episode 7 was amazing. I hate badly written drama the most, and 99% of shows can’t come up with any good reason for drama but they have to put it in there anyways and it sucks. This was the complete opposite, I adored it and I say this as a lover of fluff. It feels right, I think it’s an issue that would come up between two people like them. They are both right and the only thing that could happen there is what actually went down. I definitely think things will be fixed by the end and I am looking forward to it, but I am very glad this issue was included because it’s so important and so true to many lgbt people’s lives.

Another aspect I absolutely adored are the multiple references to lgbt theory and language, and Vlad has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard coming from a bl. When he tells Karl not to be afraid of the word, when he explains that “you don’t look gay” isn’t a compliment, when he scolds his sister for not acknowledging the things she used to say to him by covering them up with her ally act, those are all such important and educative moments that I hope everyone listens to. I love that Vlad is not correcting some ignorant bad guy, but it’s his accepting and loving friends and family that make the mistakes, because sometimes being supportive your own way isn’t enough if you’re not actively learning from the ones you want to support.

This is a 10/10 for me right now. I can’t find anything I don’t like about it. It never feels boring, it never feels overdone, it never feels cheap or unoriginal. It went straight to the top of my favorite bls.

And now I can’t help but compare the two a bit, because yes they are two different shows but right now the relationships they portray have reached the same point: there has been a climax and now the one who is more confused about his sexuality is panicking and taking a step back. It’s a coincidence that I watched both shows on the same day when their last aired episodes end in such a similar way, but it really leads me to compare the two. I don’t want to put them one against each other or say which one did it better because that’s not the point of this, they are both two amazing and important shows who are excelling in what they’re doing.

Gaya sa pelikula is down to earth, it’s explicit and it’s straight to the point in explaining what’s going on inside each character’s head. It feels like watching real people deal with real struggles. I told sunset about you is a lot more subtle and quiet, and since we don’t really have a clear insight in the characters’ heads sometimes it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on with them. It’s a completely different way of narrating, and while Gaya sa pelikula makes me feel like I’m a part of the events, I told sunset about you feels like I’m just spectating from an outside perspective. They are different choices, but one of them ends up feeling a lot more emotional to me than the other.

To wrap it up, I highly recommend both shows and I can’t wait to see how they’ll end! They are both among the best shows of the year, both free of all those annoyingly stereotyped characters and plot points that most bls tend to overuse.

#meta #gaya sa pelikula #like in the movies #i told sunset about you #text

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