#and doesn’t have any of them in their life to know anything they’ve experienced for years first hand

[theloyalpin]

people on twitter love telling Black ppl we need to do research on antiblackness, genocide, or palestine just because we won’t allow them to vilify us for calling out people they decided to idolize when they only started caring about Palestine in October. like i have to laugh because they also have 0 posts about sudan on their accounts and “fuck SJWs” in their bios while pretending they actually give a fuck about Palestine

[galene-gothic]

𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾’𝗌 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝖽𝗆𝗂𝗋𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗍𝗌

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES (summer sale and offers)

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

Right away, your future spouse is a scarily hard worker like a hardcore hustler. They’re often thinking about their work because to them it’s a huge responsibility, they are always thinking about ways to work harder and do more in terms of work, to make their work better in some way. Also, they’re someone who doesn’t show when they’re struggling. They follow the classic philosophy of “if a problem can be solved, there’s no use worrying about it and if it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.” They’re really wise and mature, they’re also refined yet raw. Due to how refined, wise and mature they are, they might not fit in with others because unfortunately, most people are not that way, in fact, due to how people feel intimidated by them, others could act as if your person is the superficial one and the fact that despite their refined nature, they have candid and clumsy moments, and are just so down to earth leads to others misunderstanding and criticising them but they still choose to practice gratitude and stay true to themself. They’re also able to maintain a very “fake it till you make it” mindset, except they’re not even really faking it, they believe that a person doesn’t become ‘somebody’ just because they achieved stuff externally, they believe that a person is always ‘somebody’ before they even achieve anything at all. Which is why they pay curtsy to everyone and try to maintain a confident, elegant and abundant mindset. They’re also very independent. They are able to overcome and grow from every obstacle that they face. When they’re faced with the consequences of their actions or even just bad luck.

If they can think about a time when they did something that caused someone else to experience a similar situation, they just take it as bad karma and work through it with grace instead of victimising themself. They’re able to accept both the positives and negatives that may cover their way because they understand that that’s just the way life is. They understand that life is a growing experience and that life would be very boring if it weren’t for the ups and downs. They have something very ‘dream girl/boy’ about themself. They’ve dealt with moments when they’ve felt like no one was there for and with them. They’ve felt left out in the cold and unsupported by others. They’ve dealt with break ups (be it romantic or platonic) but have been able to find solace within themself. At such times, when life seems to be throwing curveballs their way, they go within themself to find answers, they look to the past and move forward while still making the most out of their present. They’re also extremely loyal regarding matters of the heart (love of any sort - romantic, platonic, familial, so on and so forth). They’re extremely ride or die and because they themself, have experienced low moments, they know how to connect with those who are struggling. They have a lot of empathy for those they love. They try to understand their loved ones on a close personal level, desiring to know their vulnerabilities, weaknesses, shadows and skeletons, wanting to love them through it all. I hope that you enjoyed the reading and that it resonated, much love and take care, until next time 💞.

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

Your future spouse is extremely ambitious, they have it in them too push forward despite the self consciousness, fear or criticism from others. They are very fiery as a person and pretty connected to their inner child. They actively think about their childhood and try to work through any issues that may have stemmed from back then. They know how to have fun and act childlike at times. They know how to play with an idea and let it grow into what it wants to be over time. They know how to not commit to things that may not lead to the results that they desire. They’re also really good at communicating and especially when writing, the writings that they put out - be it an email, message or article, they try to make sure that it has a certain eloquence to it. They’re extremely charming, I’m getting ‘Rasputin’ by Boney M. They possess a natural charisma due to their ability to use words to their advantage, have fun and their fiery nature when it comes to life, including their ambitions. They’re probably really popular among the ladies (if it’s a man that you’re inquiring about) 😭. How dare they? How dare they be attractive to girls who are not you? Ahaha, well, good for you though, they’re a total heartthrob. Despite, their fiery nature, they have a certain grounded quality to them, they know how to adjust their priorities in order to experience the life that they desire to live. They also have a tendency to have their work consume them, when they’re working, they dislike having anyone even talk to them because they’re so immersed and focused, and they work really well. They prioritise play and know how to have fun but they don’t do it at the expense of their work. They’re very intense, when they work hard, they work hard and when they play hard. they play hard. They’re quite a flirt honestly but when it comes to love, they’re very loyal, they desire to be their partner’s fully and to have their partner be their’s completely too. You may wonder why being this way is admirable but it truly is, they have a very well rounded character.

Even though they’re popular with the ladies or gents (depending on who you’re inquiring about), they do not forget their own values and character. They know how to hold themself to high standards while still treating those around them with respect. They know how to climb the social ladder without scamming, cheating and lying to people. Also, random but their sexual capabilities are great too, their tongue does more than just spew out charming words after all 😔. They know how to put themself first and be an old school respectable person in many ways. They know how to value certain traditions and values without putting down those who aren’t traditional. They know how to have a nuanced understanding of everything and understand that everyone goes through phases. They know how and when to give tough love, they also know how to grow through tough love. They’re very intense so if someone hurts their feelings, they’ll either outright cut them off, refusing to communicate at all or will stand up for themself very firmly. If something doesn’t make sense to them, if they feel wronged, they are going to fight back for themself. They’re also going to stand up for you and fight for you if anyone wrongs you. When they love people, no matter how many arguments or troubles may come in, they don’t leave them. They have it in them to ride until the end. However, when things do end, they have the ability to realise that if the other person gave up or treated them a certain way, the loss wasn’t even great to begin with. They have strong self respect and will move on completely without any attachments at all if wronged. They’re very loving and caring though, they pay attention to the little details and also express love in grand ways. They’re also fiercely loyal once committed so it makes sense as to why they get so angry when they’re wronged. They’ll always have your back though. I hope that you enjoyed the reading and that it resonated, much love and take care, until next time 💞.

︎︎⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

Your future spouse is really good with words. They’re very charming and they do it in a very swift, and unsuspecting manner. They’re adored deeply. They’re very childlike and ambitious in their thinking. They are able to have free ambitions the way children do. They’re quite fearless, they have it in them to push towards their goals regardless of what the outside world may be saying because there’s a certain childlike quality to the way they think. They prioritise passion and excitement, they explore different hobbies, skills and things. For them, stimulation is very important. They’re also always able to stand empowered. This pile is similar to pile 2 but pretty different at the same time. Your person is confident and doesn’t fear things as much as pile 2’s person does. They’re also very competitive, they excel in almost every field and they’re known for it. Just a really multifaceted person. They’re well skilled in multiple areas and things. They’re really loveable, they know how to have fun and when they’re around, it’s automatically more fun and lively. They have a very “we live once, might as well do it all” kind of mindset. Their reflexes are impressive too. Also, they’re a fast learner. They overcome obstacles with ease and grace, pretty fast too because they don’t even let anything get to them. They’re consistently working on their goals causing them to achieve their dreams pretty quickly and efficiently. They have a strong sense of direction and don’t let their head or actions go to the wrong places. They’re communicative and are able to keep up with fast paced, high energy environments. They’re a crazy competitor to have in this fast paced world.

Success is attracted to them just because of the way they think, are, act, etc. They’re hopeful regarding everything and are also able to make friends easily. They’re consistently making progress in life. If right now, them and another person were in the same position as an intern, they could come out as a CEO in just a few years while the other person would have come up to be an employee. Not only are they this strong, fun and dynamic personality wise but also very mature when it comes to emotions. They try their best to understand the emotions and mindset of the other person. They like to form peaceful resolutions and have the understanding that healthy relationships require compromise. They don’t mind making major sacrifices for those that they love. They try to communicate and move on from resentments. They truly do want to make it right with those they love, even with those who they don’t have attachments to, they choose to be the bigger person. Also, due to how much they have and their mindset that’s whole and mature yet childlike, they’re genuinely happy for others. They know how to clap for other people’s achievements and genuinely mean good, genuinely feel happy for them. I aspire to be more like your future spouse ahaha. Also, even though, they’re forgiving, mature, sacrificing and try their best to communicate, and work through differences (they’re really good at accepting people’s differences, especially their loved ones’), once they’re done, you’re as good as dead to them. I hope that you enjoyed the reading and that it resonated, much love and take care, until next time 💞.

[erodasfishtacos]

hiiii guys.

this is my new trope on patreon. there are 6 more parts available on there and more updates to come. You can subscribe for $3USD a month here

THE KISSCAM TROPE

++

YN doesn't know why she thought that a hockey game of all things would make her feel any better about her breakup with Adam.

YN really can’t imagine that anything will lessen the sour taste of her high school sweetheart getting another girl pregnant.

All YN had known was Adam which she was now realizing how much she had been missing out on experiencing through her earlier twenties.

While Adam snuck around behind her back to experiment, hook-up, and do whatever else with other woman.

YN, unfortunately, only knew Adam intimately.

YN always knew that had been lackluster, always more to desire because he chased his own needs and very rarely helped her reach her own pleasure.

It was bittersweet.

There’s a massive relief that she doesn’t have to imagine her entire life with him and open it to new possibilities.

However, the hurt that came with his infidelity still ached enough that she sometimes physically felt her chest twinge.

:readmore:

A hockey game with a few of her close friends.

Her best friend, April, worked for the arena which meant that she was able to secure pretty close-to-the-ice tickets for a fourth of the price.

As they sat down, a few of them had already had a drink or two in them, and YN didn’t want to mix alcohol with a broken heart so she stuck to a soda instead.

After they’ve filed into their seats, YN was at the one end of her group which meant the chair next to her would be filled by another attendee.

She didn’t think anything of it, leaning across her friend Henry to chat to April, her back towards the empty seat.

YN does not realize that someone is trying to sit down until someone bumps her in the back with their elbow, not hard enough to hurt but enough that YN glances back.

“Sorry for that,” The most gorgeous man she’s ever seen apologizes, a big genuine smile that makes dimples pop in his cheeks, “Got my hands full.”

And he did, he managed to carry three bottles of beer by the neck in one hand, his other filled with a tray of food.

His friends follow shortly after, tugging the beers one by one out of his hand until he can sit down comfortably with his carton of food on his lap.

“It’s okay,” YN assures him, trying to not make it too obvious that she’s giving him a sneaky once over because damn.

He was in a pair of well fitting jeans, a shirt that looked vintage but hugged his broad shoulders tight, looser as it tapered down.

The man continues to smile at her as his friends appear to be quite a rowdy group in comparison to him as they settle in.

“You’re pretty,” The stranger tells her, no shame in his words but not much meaning because he’s already turning back towards his friends like he didn’t just rock her world.

YN questions whether she heard it right because did he just call her pretty?

She tries desperately not to hyper focus on it like a schoolgirl with a crush but it’s hard when his shoulders are so broad, his biceps were built.

It was impossible for their bodies not to be frequently touching.

YN attempts to focus on her friends until the game starts, having to face forward and not be able to have her back to the man.

“You want a fry?” The stranger asks randomly after a few moments.

YN assumes that he’s talking to a friend until he nudges her with an elbow, “Do you want a fry or a chicken strip?”

YN normally wouldn’t accept food from someone she didn’t know but their dinner had been disgusting and inedible which meant her stomach was rumbling.

He’s offering the basket up to her, letting her pick out a fry, and his smile was still just plaster on his face as he watched her.

“Thank you,” YN replies after she’s finished it, giving him more of an unsure grin back.

“Help yourself,” He tells her casually before he’s placing the basket between them so she could grab a fry or strip more easily.

This was weird.

After a few minutes, YN hesitantly plucks up another fry, and the man next to her doesn’t acknowledge that she’s eating out of his basket at all.

When YN’s hand hits paper, she looked down in utter embarrassment, “Oh my god. I am so sorry. I didn’t even realize that I was eating all your food.”

The guy looks over at her for a moment, confused until he glances down at the basket balanced on his leg, and then back to her.

“I’ll go grab you another one right now-“

YN moves to stand up and his hand lightly comes to her shoulder to keep her sat, his expression is somewhat unreadable, somewhat amused.

“I offered them to you? Why are you apologizing?”

“You didn’t offer for me to eat the whole basket,” YN points out with a heat in her cheeks, this was embarrassing.

“Are you still hungry? I could go grab more,” He asks easily, it wasn’t a jest or teasing, he was being a hundred percent serious.

If YN would have ate Adam’s food, he would have demanded she go immediately to get more and then bring it up for the rest of the night too.

This man, who was unfairly attractive but more than that, suspiciously nice even though it didn’t come off as creepy or predatory.

“I’m good. Thank you for asking. I’m sorry again,” YN apologizes again for good measure as she picks anxiously at her thumb.

“No apology needed,” He shakes his head with a laugh as he puts the empty remnants on the ground in front of him and swigs from his beer.

YN has to keep her eyes on the ice, she is much too focused on every time his shoulder brushes or his knee knocks in hers because he has to spread his legs an ungodly amount.

There was no conversation between them until another attendee who was further into the middle row was attempting to exit by their side.

The man was a bit wobbly, there was surely a lot of alcohol running through his system and he wasn’t being careful.

He trips over his own feet, over the debris on the ground, and rumbles right on top of YN who yelps in surprise.

The man next to her is quick to action, standing up and tugging the guy back up so that he was standing off his feet.

He was visibly annoyed with the drunk, voice sharp as he warns, “Watch where you’re fucking walking, mate. You could have hurt her.”

The guy mumbles an apology before staggering up the stairs, most likely to get more alcohol.

“Thank you,” YN says once again to him, adjusting her top and brushing off the pants of her leg, heart still pounding.

“Harry, bro. Johnson almost scored!” One of his friends pats his arm excitedly.

Harry.

Well, Harry gives her that signature smile before biting the corner of his lip, and his eyes stay on her a moment longer than acceptable before going back to his friends.

When a commercial break cuts, towards the end of the game, it’s the crowd's favorite time.

The kiss cam.

YN doesn’t think much of it, she’s not with anyone nor loving up on someone.

And it’s an area with fifty-thousand people, it’s next to impossible for her to-

But then her friends are squealing, shoving at her to look towards the Jumbotron, and there she is, projected on the screen.

The frame is decorated with corny swirling pink hearts, balloons popping, and most importantly bold letters that read, ‘KISS CAM’.

In the frame with her, however, is Harry.

As if they were a couple.

His friends must point it out to him because he’s glancing at the screen before he’s making eye contact with her.

Boldly, wildly, he grins and asks, “Can I kiss you?”

YN boldy, wildly nods ‘yes’.

He leans into her space then, big hands coming up to cup her face, and he pulls her into a kiss with an intensity that’s unwarranted but welcomed.

YN can feel her heartbeat in her throat, blood rushing through her ears, and her hand trembling when she wraps her fingers around his wrist.

It’s not chaste.

No, Harry is swiping his tongue against her bottom lip as the crowd goes absolutely insane, roaring and hooting.

Not to mention their friends.

At some point, the camera finds a new couple but YN is positive that they’ve kissed for much longer than they were on the screen before they both pull back.

His lips are puffy, pink, and his eyes are intent on her.

YN feels like panting and her heart jumps when he leans back in for another kiss, a shorter, more sweet one but his hand is grounding on her jaw.

“I’m Harry.”

“YN,” She smiles back at him, her hand still gripping onto him and he doesn’t seem to mind one bit as they just can’t take their eyes off each other.

“Would you want to get out of here?” Harry asks brazenly, hopefully as he appears like he wants to devour her.

YN who’s never been a risk-tasker, who’s never had a hook-up, or anyone other than Adam finds herself agreeing, “Yeah, I do.”

+++

part ii

After Harry had opened his apartment door, the arousal and excitement has warped into a trembling nervousness.

What the fuck did a random hookup look like?

YN didn’t even know if she was good at sex because Adam only had a few trusty positions that he liked.

Harry locks the door behind them, the apartment is small but cozy and clean, it smells like his cologne and the lighting is just right for the mood.

He steps up behind her, leaning down to kiss her neck, and his hands on her hips, bigger and stronger than anything she’s ever felt before.

“Do you need anything first? Bathroom, food, water?” He asks against her skin, he was forward in the way that he was already pressing his hips into her backside.

YN shakes her head, trying to keep up, “No, thank you.”

Harry laughs softly, lips smooth against her pulse, “So polite. Let me know if that changes, baby.”

Baby.

They just met and it sounded sincere, not like a corny pickup line.

Harry moves in front of her, not once ounce of shyness as he crosses his arms over his chest and tugs his shirt up and off.

He was ripped.

Surprisingly so, not that he didn’t look fit with his shirt on but YN wasn’t expecting him to have abs, a sharp vee cutting towards his groin, nor the defined muscle near his ribs.

He looks like he walked out of a magazine.

Was she being pranked?

YN didn’t think this could possibly be real life where the most handsome man she’d ever seen was stripping for her.

He moves towards his jeans, unbuckling his belt, and shimmying them off his narrow hips before kicks them to the side.

Just in his briefs and socks, his groin was prominent, and YN’s heart lurches at that because she’s only taken Adam who was a little below average in size.

His wasn’t average, she could tell from here.

A nervous flip of arousal churns in the bit of her stomach, she wanted this man so much that she felt like clenching her thighs together.

Harry’s brow knife in concern when he notices YN stood like a statue, just staring at him, and making no effort to move.

“Is everything okay?” Harry checks cautiously, stepping towards her but not touching her as he looks unsure.

Fuck, she was embarrassed again.

“Uh, ye-yeah,” Her voice cracks like a boy going through puberty, “Just my first time.”

Harry’s eyes widen in alarm, startled, “Oh fuck, I would have done shit different if I knew that you’ve never-“

YN realizes she could have used much better wording and waves her hand, “No no, I’m not a virgin. I just got out of a long-term relationship. I’ve only ever been with him. This is my first time…just randomly hooking up with someone.”

A relieved smile crosses Harry’s face, “Shit, baby. I’m glad you chose me. How could someone let you go? Prettiest face I’ve ever seen, cutest set of tits too.”

“I just might not be the best but,” YN shrugs sheepishly, this has to be the most mortifying experience ever.

“Don’t be worried ‘bout a thing,” Harry assures her as he steps forward, “Now I gotta give it my all to prove m’better than your ex.”

YN decides to take a step out of her comfort zone, reaching forward to grip him through the cotton of his briefs, and he fills her whole hand.

“You weren’t going to give it your all before?” YN teases, feeling her confidence grow by the moment as she moves to thumb over the sensitive head.

“Fuck,” He curses under his breath, eyes meeting hers under his lashes, “I was always going to, baby.”

“Mhm,” YN hums, not convinced as he twitches in her palm, easy for her already.

“Gotta get you naked, my room,” Harry’s breathing is heavier as he reaches out for her hand, guiding her towards his bedroom.

Once they’re in, it’s surprisingly big, and has a comfortable looking king-sized bed that was actually made nicely.

“Please,” YN hears him asks after a moment of her being distracted, “Let me undress you. I’m fuckin’ dying to see you.”

YN can’t help but look over his body once more and she knew she was nothing in comparison to his athletic build.

However, pushing the insecurity down, she nods with a smile for him to undress her.

It was worth the nerves.

By the time she’s down to just her panties, Harry is groaning as he acts like he’s never seen anything better in his life.

“Knew you’d have the cutest set of tits I’ve ever seen,” Harry rumbles as he ducks down to cup them in his big palms, mouth wrapping around one and sucking.

It felt amazing.

Adam didn’t pay any attention to her body when they had sex, never had, and it did feel like her first time in a way.

She wouldn’t want it with anyone else but Harry.

His hand trails from her breast down her belly, fingers dipping into the front of her cotton underwear.

“Fuck, wait,” YN reaches down to hold his wrist, cheeks warm, “You don’t have to.”

Harry pulls his mouth back from her chest, frowning as he stands up straight again, “Do you not like that?”

“It’s not that, I just haven’t you know…” YN trails off, hoping that he would catch on.

He doesn’t.

“You haven’t….” Harry repeats back, he was still soft and gentle, unhurried and patient with her as she hesitated.

YN looks past his right ear as she replies, “I haven’t shaved in a while. We’ve been broken up for a few months and I haven’t maintained-“

Harry is letting out a humored snort, leaning forward to kiss her quiet before he’s kneeling down in front of her, mouth laying wet kisses on her belly.

“Baby, you’re insane if you think I mind hair. Anyway, I can get your pussy is fine by me. I like it, knowing I’m the first to have you like this in a while,” Harry replies, voice scratchier as his arousal grows, and his lips stay on her hip as he tugs the underwear down her legs.

Adam would refuse to have anything to do with her if she wasn’t freshly shaven.

Not shaving for the past few months had felt like the most freeing experience, she hadn’t ever thought she would be randomly having a hookup or she would have shaved.

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Harry groans when he finally gets a look at her, his thumb coming up to smooth down the downy curls that were lightly dusting her pubic bone.

“Harry,” YN giggles anxiously, “You don’t have to act like -“

“Can I get my mouth on you?” Harry cuts her off, his eyes were glued to her center, where his thumb was pressing between her folds to nudge at her clit.

YN raises her eyebrow in surprise.

Adam had rarely done that, maybe five times total in their entire relationship, and YN never requested it because it didn’t feel good enough to want it again.

“If you want,” YN breathes out, still in a bit disbelief that this man was kneeling in front of her, asking to put his mouth if her.

“If I want,” He chuckles with a shake of his head before his hands are gripping his hips a bit firmer and keeping her still.

He doesn’t waste another moment, burying his face into her center, nose bumping against the curls on her mound as his tongue swipes through the split of her.

Harry knows what he’s doing.

His lips find her clit in seconds flat but he’s grunting at her, communicating without taking his mouth off of her, and shoulders her legs apart wider.

YN reaches for balance, finding his hair as something perfect to weave her fingers into, and hold steady.

He then just casually, again refusing to take his mouth away, hefts one of her thighs over his shoulder, and makes it possible to lick even deeper.

“Harry,” YN moans kittenishly, a sound she’s never heard out of her own mouth as she tugs harshly at his hair.

He lets out his own moan between sucks and licks, nose buried in the curls, and he’s taking heavy breathes because of his refusal of air.

YN has had orgasms when she had sex with Adam, occasionally, and with her own fingers.

This was the first time someone other than herself made her come.

Holy shit, it was life-changing.

“M’close,” YN warns but by the time she gets the words out, she’s throwing her head back and bucking her hips into his mouth as she rides it out.

His hands move to grip her ass hard, bruising enough as he pushes her as close as possible to help her feel it for as long as possible.

YN realizes just how much she was tugging his hair when her fingers ache, unwinding them as she pants, “I’m sorry. I pulled your hair so hard.”

Harry sits back on his heels, face shining as he swipes his thumb across his bottom lip before sticking in his mouth.

He was fucking obscene.

“Loved it,” Harry replies, voice raspy and deeper than ever, “You tasted just as good as you look. I think I’m in love with the bush.”

YN giggles as he helps her unwind her leg from over his shoulder, he stands up and kisses her hard.

It shouldn’t be hot that she can taste herself.

“Want to see you,” YN murmurs shyly, her fingernails trailing down his stomach, his abs twitching in response.

“Yeah, baby?” Harry goads as he watches her hand, “Hopefully it’s to your liking.”

YN takes that as permission to tug his briefs down his thighs, he was beautiful here too, unsurprisingly.

YN had experience with this.

Kinda.

Adam was less than half the size, not as pretty nor as thick.

It was a bit intimidating.

Harry must sense it, pressing a kiss to her lips, and huffing when she wraps her hand around him, stroking upwards.

“S’gonna fit, nice and snug, huh?” Harry whispers sweetly before he bites her bottom lip, he takes it upon himself to reach down again.

He slips in index and middle finger through her folds, crooking them up inside of her, and cursing under his breathe.

“Baby, you’re tight,” He tells her as he goes slowly, working her open as she pumps him in slow, firm strokes.

YN bites her lip, brave as she thumbs over his shiny tip, “Fuck me, please. Want it.”

“What do you like?” Harry asks as he walks them backwards to the bed, YN landing on her back and squirming up to the middle center.

“What do you mean?” YN asks between a gasp when she feels him brush against her mound, tip bumping at her folds.

“What position gets you off the best?” Harry elaborates as he peppers kisses over her collarbone, tweaking a nipple in his fingers.

“Whatever you like,” YN replies because none get her off.

Harry glances up at her, “But what position is good for you?”

“They’re all the same, aren’t they?” YN shrugs mulishly, “I don’t usually, well, I can use my fingers in any one.”

Harry looks at her like she’s grown a second head, voice sharper, “Did you ex really never make you orgasm during sex without you using your own fingers?”

YN tucks her bottom lip between her front teeth for a moment, “He said it’s easier if I just did it so yeah.”

Harry shakes his head, a scoff of disbelief, “How did he not worship this perfect little pussy, baby? I’ve never seen anything more magnificent.”

YN tries not to let the compliment go to her head, he defiently says that to every other girl he’s been with, it’s just a line.

“Your fingers aren’t going to be anywhere near your cunt tonight,” Harry rumbles as he reaches over to his night stand, rummaging until he finds a condom and rolls it over himself.

“Sweetheart, you’re drippin’ to your bum,” Harry laughs but it’s not mean, it’s fond as he has her bend her knees and spread them.

Harry paints himself up and down her entrance, hitting the heavy weight of it against her clit a few times before pressing in.

“O-oh,” YN gasps because he’s big.

It’s not painful but it is a stretch, as he makes room for himself, and he goes slowly.

He leans down, kissing her, and murmuring encouraging words to her.

Much too sweet for a causal hookup.

“Look at you, never had anyone look so pretty while taking my cock, baby.”

“See? S’room for me, hugging me perfectly.”

“Shit, darling. Never going to want to pull out, just want to stay all tucked up inside you.”

“Fuckin’ beautiful, I can’t decide whether I want to look at your pretty face or perfect pussy. M’spoiled for choice.”

“Please, please,” YN hiccups, she feels needy as he starts to put in more force behind in thrusts, and on every odd motion, he manages to hit a spot she didn’t know she had.

The spot that barreled her towards her second orgasm, nails digging to Harry’s bicep as she squeezes her eyes shut.

“Fuck, there it is, pretty baby. Come around my cock, squeezing me,” Harry lets out a low moan when he feels her walls contract around him.

YN has never come twice like that.

When Harry reaches down to press a thumb to her clit, she squeals with the overstimulation but he kisses her and assures her that she can give him one more.

YN has pathetic, fat tears streaming down her face as her third orgasm hits her.

“There we go,” Harry croons, pleased as a peach as he kisses her damp cheeks, “Came on my tongue, on my cock twice, see how good you are for me? S’all mine, right? Only cock you’ve ever come on.”

The possessiveness in his words makes her stomach flip with something good, validating that she wanted.

“Just yo-yours,” YN manages to agree through bated breath, he was pounding into her now, barreling towards his own end.

“Good girl, fuckin’ making me come for you,” He grits out, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple as he stills, pulsing inside her, “Fuckin’ hell.”

++

YN wakes up before Harry the next morning, quietly as a mouse slipping back into her clothes, and leaving his apartment.

Was it a shitty thing to do?

Yes.

Did she do it to avoid him kicking her out after they used each other because it felt real to her and this was just plain fun for him?

Also yes.

YN guesses this is how hookups go.

++

four more parts are up on my patreon now :)

[pit-and-the-pen]

Azriel NSFW alphabet

Literally just Azriel brain rot. Buckle in

NSFW below the cut (18+ minors don’t interact)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I’m a firm believer that this man is the biggest cuddler after sex. He will fully wrap you in his arms and wings and just hold you close to him. He’ll give you sweet kisses on your forehead and the top of your head, humming as he does.

If anything is particularly rough (Which I am a firm believer in dom Azriel) he’ll draw you a bath and smooth out any sore muscles with his hands.

Basically this dude knows what it’s like to be left alone and would rather die than make you feel like that after being intimate

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him, like any good Iilyrian baby, it’s his wings. Besides the normal ego the wings normally come with, he’s able to look at them and see all the good they’ve done. Proof of how far he’s come in life. He’d learn how to fly, become one of the top Iilyrian warriors and had an amazing family. Looking at his wings, the same wings he shares with his brothers, he can’t help but feel his pride stir.

On you, everyone always goes back and forth on boobs or ass but are missing the best option. Thighs. Azriel adores your thighs. Something about the soft feeling of them under his hands instantly comforts him. And not only in a sexual way (although he has pushed your thighs tighter around his head on multiple occasions) but comforting like a cat kneading on a blanket. He loves using them as a pillow, you playing with his hair as you talk about your different days or you both reading a book. He loves your thighs no matter the size, the stretch marks, he loves every inch of them

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I feel like all the fae males cum a ton. Probably left over from centuries of breeding being the most important thing, but Azriel takes the cake. For sake of not having to find something to clean up the sheer amount, he’s almost always coming inside of you. And even then it’s still enough that it runs out of you, something that normally is enough to make you both want round two.

I also feel like if he’s in one of his more dominant moods that once he does cum inside you he’ll use his finger to push it back in, mouth parted as he sees just the sheer amount that pools onto the sheets

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I feel like you and Azriel would be pretty open with each other. He doesn’t want to hide things from you and he wouldn’t want you too either

That being said, I do think he likes you being dominant more than he would ever let you know. The way the tone of your voice drops slightly, the way you tease him is enough to drive him crazy. You always seem to know when he needs it too. There's not one particular thing he could point out to say he loved but you doming him is something he enjoys a lot when it happens.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This man is quiet but that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t had plenty of experience. I mean, look at this man. Tell me you wouldn’t have to fight off both males and females when the mating bond first snapped. This man fully knows what he’s doing and I firmly believe his spymaster skills make him perfect at learning exactly what you need to make you into a complete whining mess.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves when you ride him. Something about feeling your thighs spread out on top of him and having full access to your chest and throat just does something for him.

I also live and die by Azriel having a breeding kink so I think he would love having you in a mating press. Your legs perched up on his shoulders as he presses so deep into you you can’t do anything but scream his name. He would still be free to pepper kisses all over your neck and face and he can feel how deep his cum is pumped into you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

He is pretty serious overall. It’s that dom persona but sometimes when you try a new position or play and something twists the way it's not supposed to or your bodies just make the noises bodies do, you’re both laughing and giggling. On slower nights you two can make jokes but overall it’s pretty serious because the love you two have for each other runs so deeply.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

I think he keeps it trimmed. He defo has a happy trail that you love to kiss down. But he doesn’t really care about what’s going on down there, especially when it comes to you. As long as he can get between your legs, he doesn’t care how much or how little hair you have. And I think his hair is a little lighter but not by much.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Azriel can be tooth rotting sweet when he wants to be. I’m talking rose petals and candles, full body massage. He would pull out all the stops when it comes to spoiling you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he’s away on missions he would try. Some errant thought of you would cross his mind and since he has a hard time sleeping on missions, he would try to rub one out but it never feels the same so he doesn’t really bother with it. He has you and you’re more than happy to help him whenever he has one of his random moments of need rushing through him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Restrains- He loves holding your wrists down, whether it’s with his own hands wrapped around your wrists pinned above you heads, or his shadows holding down all of your limbs as he absolutely worships your body, something about seeing you desperately trying to reach out and touch him makes him go feral.

Wing Play- At first you both were very tentative for you to touch his wings. He’s so proud of them and despite the fact that you’re mates, it felt too intimate. But after much begging on his part, you finally did and gods. His usual perfect timing was fully broken the first time. He came in his pants like a teenager and spent the rest of the night absolutely worshiping you. From then on, if you ever wanted to have him on his knees, you would just run a nail softly along the membranes and he would be a whimpering mess for you.

Brat Tamer- This male would love it when you talk back to him. The way you would puff up your chest, staring up at him trying your best to be intimidating. He would just coo at you and whisper something about keeping up that attitude later in the bedroom. And of course the moment the door closed to your shared bedroom, you would be apologizing for your words. Maybe if he’s feeling nice, he’ll let you off but if he’s not. You would definitely be limping around the next day.

Breeding kink- He would love to fill you up. As much as he adores seeing his cum on various parts of your body. Theres nothing he loves more than seeing it drip out of you, fucking it back into you with his fingers or his tongue.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers your bedroom truthfully. The two of you have made it so comfortable, bits and pieces of the both of you filled the space. The way your smell mixed with his lingers around puts him instantly at ease.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

For real, you could just look at this man and he would be hard as a rock. Seeing you sparing with Cassian would also be a sure fire way to get him going. Or if you are trying to get him really riled up, placing your hand on someones arm as you’re talking to them would have him literally picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder to remind you exactly who you belong to.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No temperature play of any kind, no ice or fire. Fire/wax for obvious reasons but cold/ ice because it reminds him of the winters at the war camp and those memories are not something he wants to imagine when he’s having sex.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This man will eat you out like he has been stranded in the desert for a hundred years. He cannot get enough of you. He’ll hold down your hips, shadows holding your arms down. Absolute filthy noises would be spilling out of his mouth as he lapped you up. You would literally have to pull him away by his hair and his face would be covered in your arousal. He could go down on you for hours if you would let him and he would still probably whine as you pulled him away.

That being said, this man does love a good blow job. I think he would have two moods. One where he’s just letting you explore, tongue lapping at him and he’d let you set your own pace. Just taking everything you would give him. Now. On nights where you have done nothing but tease him. Strap in because this man will (consensually) push you down to your knees with your hands tied behind you back and use your throat like it was a damn fleshlight. He would keep going until spit was trailing down your chin, eyes glassy with tears. When he finally did cum he would make you hold it on your tongue before telling you to swallow, sticking out your tongue afterwards to show him that you were a good girl and listened to him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

This man is the best of both worlds. Depending on both of your moods it can be soft and slow or wall shakingly rough. Sometimes he’ll being going slow and you’ll push his hips to make him pound into you and the little bit of control he’ll have snaps and before you know it, he’s flipping you over and fucking you hard enough to have you seeing stars. But on nights when both of you need to show your love to each other, he’s simply just grinding into you. Hitting that perfect spot inside of you and I love you’s are spilling past both of your lips unhurried.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s not totally against them. When the mating bond first snapped all you had to do was look at him the right way and he was taking you against the nearest surface. More than once during trips to the court of nightmares you two were found tucked away into corners, both in various states of undress. His shadows were particularly helpful during these moments because he could wrap you in them and make sure no one saw that the front of your dress was pulled down or how your skirt was hiked up to your waist. But for the most part, he likes taking his time with you. He wants the time to take you apart piece by piece and have you screaming and shaking beneath him.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

SJM told us this man was a freak and I firmly believe it. There’s very few things that he isn’t willing to try at least once. If he thinks it will make you happy then he’s game.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

This man could go all night if you would let him. Your stamina would give out long before he would. And he’s almost always making sure that you get off at least once but we all know there would be many many more before he would even think about his own release.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I have no idea what toys exist in this world but lets pretend the ones that exist in Crescent City are available. I think he would for sure have a vibrator. More than once he has had you tied up in your bed, vibrator strapped to your thigh and just stood at the other end of the room. You would be half delirious with the amount of orgasms the toy had pulled from you before he turned it off with a smirk at how totally fucked out you were.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

This man is the biggest tease. He knows how much you love his muscles so he would just walk around the house shirtless. Commenting on how your eyes followed him like he was a snack you wanted to devour. He would tease you for that glazed look in your eyes and how your pupils would dilate. If anyone was ever around when this happened you would blush as he slowly raised a hand to shut your slightly open jaw. Laughing softly as everyone else started to slowly leave the room because they knew what was about to happen.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Listen. For how quiet this man is around the inner circle, he would be moaning and panting into your ear. His dirty talk alone is enough to reduce you to a shaking mess. But when he’s pounding into you he’ll be cursing and roaring against you. More than once you’ve had someone pounding on the door because of how loud the two of you were being. He would only make it a point to be even louder when that did happen and when the two of you finally crawled out of your bedroom, the house would be empty.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Azriel was terrified the first time you two had sex. It’s no secret that he’s insecure when it comes to his hands and he was afraid that you would be wary to have him finger you but that fear was quickly dismissed when you begged for his fingers. Now whenever he seems to get too far into his head, all you have to do is slip one of his giant fingers into your mouth and he would snap out whatever funk he was in and he would go absolutely feral. You made the mistake of doing it at dinner with the rest of the inner circle once and everyone just stared at you two with wide eyes as Azriel just sat back further into his chair, legs spreading as he smirked with pure male satisfaction.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Our shadowslinger is hung. I think he’s at least 8 inches but he’s also thick. Like if you wrap your hand around him, your fingers just barely touch. The illyrian joke about wings is definitely true and he’s the biggest of the three males. The rest of the girls nearly fell out of their chairs when they held their hands out trying to get you to spill just how big he was. All three sisters and Mor are just sitting there like 🫸 🫷“What do you mean , keep going??? Girl are you okay???”

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mother. This man’s sex drive is ridiculous. Despite having many partners over the years, there was a lot of time between then and he never let them be truly intimate, opting for quick fucks that were satisfying on the surface level for sure but he desperately yearned for real intimacy. So once he found you he couldn’t get enough of you and you him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll always wait for you to fall asleep. And you normally fall asleep pretty quickly after he’s rung orgasm after orgasm out of you. Some nights we would just stare at you as you slept soundly besides him, wondering how he got so lucky to have you next to him.

[nayatarot777]

Is There Anyone Who You Need To Be Wary Of Right Now?

• Pile One •

This person could be an Earth sign feminine - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. If not then they’re someone who enjoys physical comforts and luxuries. This doesn’t have to mean that they’re wealthy, but they may just prioritise money and materialism. This could even be a boss of a company. This person is very rash with the way that they communicate. They don’t think before they speak. They also communicate in a very immature and childish way. Their actions could also be very rash too. I am picking up on a major immaturity from this person though. They’re highly unawakened. This could be linked to how they’re highly materialistic or how they worship money more than anything else, but I’m seeing that they’re highly unawakened in general. They’re not self aware, they’re not aware or understanding of experiences and lifestyles outside of their own. They’re highly judgemental - but this is because they’re highly judgemental towards themselves. This is giving ‘insecure ass person who puts themselves up on a pedestal to cover up their insecurities’.

You need to be wary of this person because you’re trying to gain control over your life. You’re trying to direct your life to the place that you want it to be, but I’m seeing this person trying to cause you pain as a way of putting up blocks in your path. You’re being represented in this reading as the Page of Pentacles - someone who’s learning how to build some type of stability for themselves - and this person is trying to get in the way of this. They’re triggered by any self-stability that you have. Their insensitive way of speaking is the way that they try to hurt you. They know exactly what they’re doing as this is a conscious decision. I’m also seeing that this person could’ve already brought you pain - perhaps triggered some traumas out of you - and they’re trying to control the narrative behind your back. This person is a bit strange too as they don’t want to acknowledge what you’re building for yourself. Whatever money or stability you’re accumulating, they’re not wanting to see it.

Patreon

• Pile Two •

This person is either highly religious or just a major conformist. They could be a preacher or the equivalent to one - someone who likes to preach their own beliefs. They stay in line within society’s expectations of them and they don’t budge. This person could also be a married person. I’m seeing this person watching you and trying to learn things about you while you’re in a dark time mentally. While you’re experiencing fears, anxieties, and kind of stuck in a self-imposed mental prison. This is either a past or present energy. You were protecting yourself from this person, or just keeping yourself away from the external world as you didn’t feel prepared nor stable enough to deal with the judgements or expectations of others. This person could’ve definitely sent you judgements and tried to mask this as “religious help” or “religious teachings”.

The reason why you need to be wary of this person is because this person is highly argumentative and combative. They try to fight people about their beliefs or way of living if those things don’t align with theirs. This person tried (or is trying) to emotionally confuse you, away from something that holds a lot of abundance or positive energy for you. I don’t like this energy at all. It’s like they want to try to brainwash you into following the path that they want you to take and they’re willing to make you feel like you’re confused or lost as a way of doing this. This person is fucking disgusting considering they’ve literally watched you go through a mentally challenging time already. They’re seeing you in this state and deciding that you’re vulnerable enough for them to manipulate and force their own personal beliefs and expectations onto. Very predatory energy - especially if this person is religious in some way.

Patreon

• Pile Three •

I’m not seeing anyone who you need to be wary of currently, Pile Three. At most, you need to be wary about what you’re exposing yourself to online - especially if you’re consuming things that make you feel angry or anxious. You’re nobody’s saviour apart from your own and you’re not responsible for trying to save the world. It’s not normal (or healthy) for human beings to be bombarded with human tragedies and everything wrong about the world all of the time. Apart from that, I’m seeing that you’re part of the group of people who’ve been really isolating yourself and entering contemplation. You seem to be the victor of battles that other people have tried to cause for you and now you’re highly defensive. It doesn’t seem like anyone can really come into your space/energy and negatively affect you.

Again, there’s a need to detach yourself emotionally from the internet in general for a little bit. Some of you may be physically alone and away from others but you’re filling your time with online activities. If you’re not part of the group of people in this pile who are already being introspective, there’s a need for you to detach yourself from the outside/online world and sit in silence for a period of time. There’s some type of mental awakening that you’ll have about your personal beliefs and morals. These things may be swayed or blocked from realising by what you’re consuming online. There’s a need to figure out personally what you’d like to focus on and direct a lot of energy into for your PERSONAL life. Try not to be so distracted by everyone else’s life - especially people who you don’t even know personally. If you’re feeling mentally tired or defeated despite not doing much throughout your days, then this is the reason why. Your brain needs a rest. Not constant stimulation from social media.

Patreon

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ON THE TOPIC OF BARNABY. as well as his relationship with Wally.

So. To kick this off - Riv (@funonion) and I were Speculating, and they introduced me to the johari window:

They put Barnaby in the “facade” section, and I entirely agree. To quote them;

“So he’s Wally’s guide, right? He’s the “knowledgeable” one of the two and is always the one teaching him new things. And you know, it’s one thing if you’re just teaching him how to laugh or how to tell a joke. But.

Clown has given us two doors. One says that Barnaby understands Wally in a way the rest of the neighborhood doesn’t, and is willing to do his dirty work so to speak. The other says that their friendship was not a natural occurring thing and had to be enforced repeatedly within the show. HOW THAT’S BEING ENFORCED IS ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY but it is worth it to note.

What is Barnaby willing to keep? What is he willing to bury for his little buddy? I can’t say anything definitively yet, but the fact that I even have to ask is telling. The class clown archetype is usually used as a way to cover up for something else a character might be experiencing”

And my response, (I won’t directly quote because I have little things in the phrasing & elaboration to add / tweak );

Barnaby being a Comic Relief Character immediately raised so many alarms in my head. I love comic relief characters. They’re always so fucked up in one way or another, and Barnaby is almost certainly SO inauthentic. He’s wearing a comedy mask just as opaque as Wally’s own mask. In everything we’ve seen about him so far he’s either Teaching Wally, wisecracking/joking, or… pretty much nothing else. We got that moment of concern in audio 14-14, but that doesn’t reveal anything beyond genuine care for Wally.

Comedic characters have the best disguises. Their poker faces & ability to deflect is always top tier [and practiced], and just look at comedy-focused actors and entertainers - so many of them have severe issues, either with their mental health or life. From what i’ve observed both in that aspect & with fictional characters, they play it off & work hard to entertain/deflect [one in the same] right up until the end. Sometimes it’s a coping mechanism. Usually it’s both. If they laugh loud enough and make people think they’re lighthearted fools w/ nothing underneath, no one will look any deeper and thus they’re “safe”. 

& I’m a little suspicious that Barnaby’s red/orange/yellow spots aren’t naturally those colors. While yes, he could be (in-universe) designed that way to echo Ms. Beagle, there’s a strong possibility that that’s not it. What if he paints them to feel a connection to her, or it’s a physical manifestation of Barnaby covering up his insecurities/issues - what if it’s part of him striving to convince the world that he is what he paints himself as. 

The laidback funnyguy with a loving mom and not a problem in the world. 

And I mean, Barnaby claims to be a natural blue and I believe him! But the other colors? I’m doubtful

(I was going to include the Cast As Lil Kids Designs in this since Barnaby has all blue spots, but given how early in 2021 it was posted and how there seem to be little discrepancies from the ~official~ designs, I don’t want to provide it as evidence.)

& on the topic of Wally and Barnaby’s relationship being both real and not - disclaimer, this conversation happened before my Updated Thoughts On Them post, so there may be some minor rephrasing here from what I originally said - I’m sure that the relationship started out as inauthentic. Wally was assigned Barnaby as a best friend and technically vice versa, but I don’t doubt for a second that it became real to some extent. Clown wouldn’t treat their relationship outside of “canon” WH stuff the way that he does if they weren’t actually friends. They’ve said that Wally & Barnaby would be friends in every universe (which melts my heart <3 platonic soulmates my beloved <3), so then I have to agree with Riv. what WILL Barnaby do for Wally? I touched on this in the Milk Theory, but especially if Barnaby prides himself on “knowing Wally better than anything else”, what would Barn do to preserve that?

This relates to another conversation we had - Barnaby possibly having abandonment issues. It’s such a choice to have him of all characters be explicitly stated as an orphan. That and while every other Neighbor with a mentioned family have a somewhat large one (Howdy and his gajillion relatives, Julie and her three siblings, Poppy and her crowded tree [note: Eddie has a mentioned mother, but that info is tenuous and who knows if there are other Dears]), Barnaby has also explicitly stated that Ms. Beagle is his only family. That’s it. And farm life can’t be a sociable way to grow up, not with all the chores he must have had and how rural he might have grown up. Barnaby jokes that Home is the “Big Apple”, which could just be a joke - but jokes often come from a place of truth, and Home might be the most populated area Barnaby has lived in. Who’s to say!

Either way, Barnaby was orphaned one way or another, and I don’t doubt that it weighs on him. Especially if  his birth parents really did abandon him. That added to a possible life of loneliness… I wonder if he’s latched onto Wally emotionally, which would hit all the painful places if it turns out that my “Barnaby is more attached to Wally than Wally is to Barnaby” theory has merit. Abandonment issues could also strongly back the apparent walls he’s plastered over with circus tent fabric

Back to Barnaby & Wally: the fact that, at present, Barnaby and Wally seem to have the best disguises / strongest masks. That. looking at 14-14, i suspect that Barnaby is excellent at keeping his up, but as soon as Wally’s mask cracks, so does Barnaby’s. 

And then there’s the side of their dynamic that we could look at - it seems to be a very multifaceted relationship. The way that Barnaby genuinely cares yet in the 00 Halloween audio Wally was left off to the side and Barnaby was just “checking on him” while socializing (then again, this could be part of Barnaby understanding Wally & respecting his space / Wally wanting a break from that socialization). Barnaby is patient with Wally and yet he seems to sometimes treat Wally as his sidekick / let him fade into the background and yet Barnaby kept checking in on Wally during the 14 bug audios (this last one I could tie into the abandonment issues theory). 

Then there’s how Barnaby calls Wally kid & can tend to treat him like one despite both of them being in the same age group. The way that all of this could, in a way, relate to the infantilization of autistic people (no matter how well-meaning or unintentional) & internalized ableism. 

Note: Riv pointed out that Barnaby does seem to be doing the best with what he has, and that this can connect to the Johari Window’s blind spot / unknown. 

I do agree with this wholeheartedly! And I have to mention that - and making a Very educated guess here - the interactions we’ve seen take place in the very late 60s / very early 70s, so Barnaby’s behavior towards Wally is actually pretty fucking stellar given the time period. We can’t expect him to be perfect or do everything / say everything right. That would be boring I think! And one thing I deeply appreciate about the Neighbors & their dynamics is that they feel like real layered people, not cardboard cutouts being perfect caricatures of what people are “supposed” to be like.

Riv also presented this:

We likely are going to reach a point where Wally asks Barnaby something that he can’t / doesn’t want to / won’t answer. And like.. Ok. This is a slight tangent but I swear it’s related! When I first discovered WH and learned the Wally basics, I wondered two things.

Are we going to watch Wally “discover” new emotions? Because he certainly has them. Clown has said that Wally only ever feels happy, and a lot of people took that to mean that Wally can’t feel anything else. I don’t think we should take that answer at face value, because. I mean. Look at the project & creator we’re talking about. Layers, guys. Indirect direct answers. I think that Clown meant that Wally only ever feels happy in the Neighborhood because he has no reason to feel any negative emotion. Everything is as it should be. Until it isn’t - and I think that’s where he’s going to have to struggle with new emotions as he encounters them through new situations/events unfolding as the “story” starts to deteriorate. We’ve actually seen this a little bit - in Wally’s record audios (i believe the chronological second to last?), the way he says “Let Me In” so insistently. That’s definitely not a positive emotion being expressed. 

How will the topic of death be handled - because it will be handled, it’s stated in the project warnings. I was wondering this even before I read the list, because I was presented with a blank slate puppet character and so went “oh fuck, this dude doesn’t know about death, does he?” Obviously I wanted to know how that would go. I want to know how it Will go! 

How would Barnaby explain emotions that Wally doesn’t know how to convey? How would Barnaby explain death in a way that Wally would understand - given that Barnaby (& all the Neighbors sans Wally) knows what death is  - and would Barnaby be willing to explain such a thing? I have a feeling we may find out.

And in a way, I suspect that if none of them know, Wally will find out himself and have to process it without help. But then again, how can something die if it was never really alive in the first place? Unless the death warning relates to human characters… I’m currently assuming it relates to both humans and puppets. 

In conclusion: Barnaby has a carefully fabricated facade, he's doing the best with what he has but it likely won't be enough, and uh. shits fucked!

[fbfh]

curiosity is a wonderful thing - chapter 2

wc: 3.3k

genre: politics, slice of life, slow burn, best friends to lovers

pairing: audrey x ben, belle x adam (aka beast), eventual ben x reader

warnings: politics, audrey suuuuuucks, the isle has bad living conditions, adam yells (not at ben he's just fired up)

summary: ben is ready to announce his first proclamation to his parents. It's risky, and he knows he needs to rely on the support of his friends and girlfriend. but mostly support from you.

song recs: descendants score suite - descendants score, queen of peace - florance and the machine

a/n: thinking thoughts about ben lol. as always fangs to cici for beta reading <3

tags @yesv01 @magcon7280 @dustyinkpages @demirunner @strawberry-cake1 @kiara7777 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sunshineangel-reads

“Your first proclamation, huh?” Ben’s dad asks with a deep chuckle. “What have you got?”

Facing your parents is nerve wracking for anyone, but it’s especially intimidating when your mom is regarded as hands down one of the smartest people in the country, and your dad can turn into a hulking 10 foot tall razor toothed beast. Ben has been training to be a good politician and a good king for his whole life. Every single day he’s been praised for listening, not going against the grain, for having a level head and coming to the same conclusions as his parents. Up until now, it’s been a very good thing, his parents have been such great rulers, and he’s grateful to have such experienced footsteps to follow in and learn from. His parents taught him to listen to his heart, to form his own opinions and do good even when it’s hard. He takes in a deep breath, steadying himself for this, for the first time he’s going to stand up for something his parents might not be behind. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, it’s terrifying. 

As quickly as the feeling arises, he thinks of you. He thinks about when he first found out that when they were rounding up villains for the isle, there was a lot of debate on if they should put Wonderlandians there as well. They were described as volatile and chaotic. Ben has never, ever thought of you as either of those things. It made him feel sick then - and makes him feel sick now - that if no one had advocated for Wonderland, if no one had advocated for your mom and for you, that he would never have met the best person he’s ever had the honor of knowing. Ben gets to know you, Ben gets the honor and privilege of having you in his life because someone advocated for you, and stood up for the underdog. All of his nerves suddenly stand strong and tall, forming an armor of determination that wraps around him. 

“I want to bring four children from the Isle of the Lost over to Auradon, to give them a second chance.” 

Ben’s heart pounds, but his gaze is unwavering. He’s not going to have to lay awake at night any longer, worrying about the kids on the Isle and not being able to do anything about it. He’s doing what he always promised himself he’d do - use his power to make good changes for people who can’t make changes for themselves. He almost loses his conviction when he sees how angry his dad is becoming at the very thought of bringing children from the Isle to Auradon. Ben knows why he’s getting like this. He thinks Ben hasn’t thought this through, that he’s putting public safety at risk. Before that little nagging voice of self doubt starts to get the better of him, Ben thinks back to you, and he feels his fear become replaced with conviction. 

“Every time I look out at the Isle, I feel like they’ve been abandoned.” 

All of the work you helped him put into this proclamation, all the practice and talking points circle his head like the guiding beam of a lighthouse. He finds himself right back on track, and he meets his father’s gaze with what he hopes comes off as confident self assurance. He takes in a small breath, steadying himself. He’s not just defending his ideas, his arguments, he’s defending the rights of every innocent child born into the isle. 

Belle looks shocked. All she can think about is the pain and terror she and many of her good friends - and countless other people, to varying extents - endured at the hands of the people who were sequestered off to the Isle. Adam doesn’t even need to look at his wife to know exactly what’s going through her mind, and he feels a lot of the protective and defensive feelings over her coming back. He hasn’t felt this way since before he got rid of that piece of shit Gaston, and ensured he couldn’t hurt his wife or his people again. 

“The children of our sworn enemies?” He asks, stepping forward, “Living among us?” 

He wonders for a moment if Ben has somehow magically forgotten what it was like before. The sense of fear knowing that villains were out there, in hiding or in far away lairs, that they could come back and wreak havoc at any moment. Adam stares down his son, but Ben refuses to waver under his gaze. Of course he hasn’t forgotten. But Adam had never asked to be treated like a monster all those years, and if things had gone differently, maybe it would be him and Ben on the Isle. The children shouldn’t have to suffer for their parents’ choices. 

“Not all of them, just a few at first. To start out.” Ben says, hoping it will clarify that he doesn’t intend to turn Auradon into a state of anarchy and chaos, “The ones who need our help the most.”

Belle takes a breath and nods at her son’s words. She’s trying to keep an open mind about all this, not rush to judgment and jump to conclusions like the people in her village would when she was growing up. She waits for Ben to continue. He locks eyes with his mom for a moment, and even under the current circumstances, he can still feel her unwavering support. A brief wave of love and gratitude for her wash over him, but he knows now isn’t the time to get sappy. Feeling a renewed sense of belief in him from his mom, he smiles a little as he looks back at his dad.

“I’ve already chosen them.” He states. 

His dad can smell fear - literally. Being able to smell nervous systems and pheromones are one of the many bizarre abilities you gain after being magically transformed into a beast - so Ben uses all his strength to stay calm and confident. If he can pull this off, if he can really sell this confidently, the potential good it could bring to innocent people trapped on the Isle would be immeasurable. Adam doesn’t say anything for a moment, waiting to see if Ben wavers under his gaze. When he finally speaks, his voice is tense.

“Have you?”

Ben is fighting with his life to stay composed. Belle looks between them for a moment, then places her hand on Adam’s arm. He rests his hand on hers, acknowledging her, but doesn’t break eye contact with his son. Belle knows that all her son wants is to do good. He’s the best parts of both of them. Maybe their generation wouldn’t have been ready for this, but Ben is paving the way to a new era. It’s his time to step up, and trust his instincts. Although the thought terrifies her, Belle would be lying if she said she couldn’t see any merit to his plan. 

“I gave you a second chance.” She says softly. Ben knew this was going to be hard, he was expecting opposition, but he’s infinitely grateful that his mom is on his side. If she’s on board, eventually his dad will come around too. Her support always means the world to him, but there’s something extra special there today. It’s the same way that you support him, and as his thoughts turn from his mother's support to yours, he finds himself full of renewed strength and determination. 

"Who are their parents?" Belle asks. Ben takes in a breath, deciding to work his way up. 

"Cruella…"

Belle takes in a small breath at the mention of her name, and Adam's shoulders tense. It's only going to get worse from here, so Ben bites the bullet and continues. After being hunted like an animal by an angry mob, Adam can't stand cruelty to animals even more than he had before. 

"Jafar…"

Belle takes in a sharp breath at the mention of his name. After the technological boom that resulted in Auradon creating an alliance with Atlantis, magic is mostly antiquated. However, that won't stop someone as power hungry as Jafar from seeking out any artifacts he can, no matter the cost. 

"The Evil Queen…"

Adam clenches his jaw, trying his hardest to remain calm. It's taken years to repair the damage to the Winter's Keep agriculture, even the mention of a poison apple will have them importing all their produce. The very idea of having the child of the Evil Queen in Auradon could send the agricultural industry spiraling. 

"And…" before Ben can announce the last one, a wave of nerves manages to get past the wall of confidence he’s been so carefully building. His dad can sense it, Ben’s sure. He knows the only way to handle this is to keep going before he gets even more nervous. 

“Maleficent.” 

A chill passes through the room, and you’d think Ben had declared the last refugee to be the spawn of Hades himself. 

“Maleficent?!” Adam barks. Behind them, Lumier gasps, dropping his pins. He gathers his sewing supplies and exits quickly. Ben is unsure if Lumier’s shaking hands are from his father’s outburst, or the mention of the evil fairy’s name. 

“Dad-”

“She’s the most dangerous, volatile villain in the land!”

Ben had expected this kind of reaction. Fairies becoming evil is incredibly rare. Most mainland fairies originate deep in the enchanted forests of Schwartzvald, and as seasons change, they can migrate to other forests. There’s a certain type of magic that’s unique to fairies, it’s very powerful and impossible to recreate by non fairies. When a fairy corrupts itself with dark magic, another incredibly powerful and corrosive source of power, the consequences are cataclysmic. Maleficent is living proof of that. 

“Just, hear me out dad-” 

“Absolutely not!” Adam barks, “I won’t hear of it!”

“Dad-”

“She is guilty of unspeakable crimes!” 

“And her child?!” 

His question hangs in the air between them. 

“All of the children, are they guilty too? Their only crime is living.” 

Sixteen years ago, Adam never would have entertained the thought. But now, being a parent himself… 

“The children are innocent.” Ben continues, and Adam can hear the passion, the desire to fight for those kids on the Isle in his voice, “They deserve a chance.” 

Belle is moved by Ben’s argument, and in spite of his hesitance, Adam is too. A small flurry of pride rushes through him at the sight of how strong and well spoken his son is becoming. They sit in the space between Ben’s words for a moment, but it feels like an eternity. Belle gives Adam’s arm a squeeze, silently encouraging him. After a moment, he speaks. 

“I suppose… the children are innocent.”

Adam turns around, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Belle walks up to Ben, adjusting the collar of his shirt.

“Good job.” She says, so softly he would have missed it if not for the glimmer of pride in her eyes. She pats his chest affectionately before walking back over to Adam, taking his arm as they leave. She’ll talk to him about all this later, Ben knows she will. If anyone can get his dad to be on board with this, it’s going to be his mom. 

Ben gazes down at his signet ring, remembering the promise he made to himself when he first received it. He hasn’t taken it off since. He is going to be a good king. He looks out at the Isle, wishing he could do something about it right now. He wishes he could just take Fairy Godmother’s wand and fix everything, but real change takes time. Sustainable change takes time. Ben is going to be a good king, who makes real, sustainable change. He’s going to be a good chapter in the history books - the ones written in Auradon, and on the Isle. 

With a deep sigh, he carefully takes off the suit jacket Lumier had been tailoring and makes a mental note to reschedule the rest of his fitting from today. He begins to run through his schedule for the day, but his thoughts keep getting pulled back to you. He's so excited to tell you everything. You were both prepared for a much bigger fight to get his parents' support on this, and he didn't end up having to use a fraction of his talking points. He exits into the hallway, elated at how it went, and heads toward his room. He's not even ten steps down the hall when he almost trips over a pair of legs. 

He looks down, surprised to see you. You had been so engrossed in what you were doing that you entirely lost track of time. Your face lights up when you see him. 

"Ben!" You exclaim happily, shoving your things back into your tea pot bag. "How did it go?"

You study his face for some kind of indication, but all you see is surprise. And warmth. You had told him you'd wait outside for him, but he hadn't actually expected that of you. Wonderlandians have a distorted sense of time, so hours can feel like minutes, or minutes can feel like an eternity. You explained to him what it's like all those years ago, and he's always been very understanding and done his best to make sure you're accommodated. Most importantly, he's never asked you to push yourself, and he's always covered for you when you need to slip away for a little while. All thoughts of the meeting with his parents are gone as he looks down at you, how you'd been waiting for him. 

"You… you waited out here for me instead of going to Wonderland?" He asks, his voice soft. 

"Of course," you say matter of factly, still waiting to hear about how it went. Ben’s chest flutters with appreciation for you, for having you in his life. Wonderland is your favorite place in the entire world, there's nowhere and nothing that makes you happier. But you still waited out here for him. You chose him. He snaps out of his train of thought, realizing you're still waiting on an answer. 

"It went well." He states. Your face lights up, and he can't help but smile. 

"It did?" You ask, and Ben realizes that you're just as invested in this as he is. He laughs a little, nodding. 

"Yeah. I- I need to rearrange some things, we have to plan for their arrival, and call a press-"

His words are cut off by the celebratory laugh that bubbles out of you. You throw your arms around his neck, hugging him tight. Your body is warm against him, and you smell like tea and pastries and… something familiar. 

“I knew you could do it!” You exclaim. He lets out a hesitant laugh, and holds you back. He's done a lot today, so he lets himself indulge in your embrace. When you finally pull away, he holds your arms, rubbing them gently as you ramble. 

"So, what next?" You ask, still beaming up at him. 

“Uh…” He starts, still processing everything. “We need to go over the agenda, make sure their arrival is smooth. A press conference, definitely,” he adds, and you nod, agreeing.

He suddenly remembers he was supposed to meet up with Audrey today. He pauses, hating to have to cancel on her again. 

“...And Audrey.” He pulls out his phone to call her. You prepare yourself to comfort him, to reassure him that he’s not being a bad boyfriend, he’s being a good politician. You don’t know why Audrey insists on giving him such a hard time. You would think that she’d know what to expect of having a boyfriend in politics at this point, much less a boyfriend in the royal family. You listen to Ben’s conversation after she picks up. 

“Hey, Audrey, hi. So, about my first proclamation pitch,” Ben says, excitement bubbling out of him. Through the speaker of his phone, you can hear Audrey’s voice.

“Right, right. When is that supposed to happen again? Cause you promised you’d take me to Camelot Heights this weekend, Bennyboo…” 

You don’t understand how anyone could be so apathetic towards something as monumental as a first proclamation. You can tell Ben feels the same. He’s thrown, but he’s trying not to show it.

“Uh… today. It- it happened today. Just now.”

“Oh, so you’re finally done with all that stuff?” 

There’s a moment of silence that hangs between the two of you before Ben answers. 

“Uh…” he chuckles again, “done preparing for the pitch, yes. Remember when we went over the agenda? Pitch, then timeline and planning, then press meetings…” He says, trying to jog her memory.

“Uh-huh.” 

You can almost see her now, filing her nails before cheerleading practice. 

“Right, so now we need to plan everything out, make sure it’s practical to follow through with the pitch.” 

She doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to get to the point.

“I know we had plans tonight, but I’m going to be in and out of meetings all day, probably all weekend, then it’s going to be a media frenzy…” he says, mentally trying to fit everything into his already jam-packed schedule. 

Sitting out on the tourney field before cheer practice, Audrey pauses. A media frenzy? That’s going to give her a lot of face time, and publicity with Bennyboo. 

“I totally understand,” she starts, suddenly engaged in their conversation. Ben pauses, looking mildly confused.

“You do?”

“Of course, Bennyboo. You have fun at your meetings. Let me know the day before we start all that press so I can get a hair appointment.” She looks down at her nails, setting aside her file. “And my cuticles need some serious work…” 

“Uh…” Ben chuckles. You can tell he’s disappointed by her reaction. You are too, you just expected she’d do something like this. Ben has been trying to connect with Audrey about politics since they started dating, she said she cared about helping the people of Auradon just as much as he did, but she only said that to get closer to him, to win him over. Ben wishes she would engage with the people more, wishes he could get her to care like he does. But he knows it’s not worth a fight with her, not on a day as important as today. 

“Right, right. I’ll, uh,” He pulls out his planner, scribbling something down, “I’ll make sure you get that hair appointment…”

“And nails.” Audrey adds. 

“Right.” Ben states. You watch them say goodbye and hang up, and you can sense how unsatisfied Ben feels with that whole exchange. He needs a pick me up, he needs to be reminded about what a success today has been. You smile at him, trying to contain your excitement. One look at you and he already finds himself smiling again, thinking about what’s important. 

“So, what’s first? A meeting with Fairy Godmother, surely.” You say, seeming to read his mind. 

“Yeah,” he nods. You follow him down the hall as he begins to ramble. “We’ll need to discuss security, too. And accommodations.”

His dissatisfaction with Audrey, with her apathy towards politics fades away as he rambles to you. You agree with his plan, adding in a few vital things he hadn’t thought of. Ben feels a renewed sense of strength as you accompany him to the million proclamation meetings he has for the rest of the day. You really are his right hand man, his best friend, and he’s so grateful that you’re here for him through all of this. He knows as sure as anything that he could never do it without you. 

[twig-tea]

Ossan's Love Returns: I Love This Show

I have so many feelings about this finale; and they’re very different from my feelings about the Perfect Propose finale (both very good but in extremely different ways) so having experienced both today has been a real emotional journey! 

This episode left me feeing euphoric. I am not a huge crier, but Ossan’s Love always gets to me, and I cried four times during this finale. Then I rewatched and cried four times again. 

There is something about how this show does such a good job of capturing complicated and loving relationships of all kinds–romantic, platonic, familial, other–and making me believe that they will support one another through anything, even as they whack each other with frying pans and despair at their loved ones ever having two braincells function at the same time.

That exasperated, eyes wide open, no illusions about who you’re with kind of love has been in the series from the first season, but in this season it feels so lived in. The comfort that all of the characters have with one another, having all seen one another at their worst already, is palpable. And the way the original gang were so open to the new characters and their absurdities was so touching. 

There are so many things I love about this show. Haruta and Maki’s relationship makes me feel so proud of them, knowing how far they’ve come from Season 1, and everything they went through in that season and the film to get here. But even just taking the season as a stand-alone, there is so much growth this season. They go from a couple who have not been in the same city together for years to living together, and they have to learn to be in one another’s physical space. They have conversations with both sets of parents, they navigate whether or not to have a wedding, whether or not to have kids, and just how to show appreciation for one another in a long-term relationship. 

The way Maki said that Haruta was his happiness, and Haruta said that he was happiest just looking at the sky with Maki (because Maki is his happiness too) made me cry twice. Maki is so competent, but Haruta is kind; and it’s his consistent, active kindness that holds their wider found family group together. The way Maki had to learn to actively think about Haruta’s happiness in the same way was that Haruta does all the time, in the same way that Haruta had to learn to be competent in cooking and cleaning so that he could take some of the burden off Maki, this is the stuff that gets to me. 

The way this found family cares about one another, rallies around whenever one of them needs it, and shows up for one another consistently, also really gets to me. And this show knows exactly what it’s doing–there were some wonderful conversations this episode about what counts as ‘family’, and how sometimes the importance of someone in your life can’t be easily defined but that doesn’t make them any less important (that was another one of the times I cried). The final placard of the show read WE ARE FAMILY in sakura petals, and that’s what made me cry the fourth time (and is making me tear up now to think about). 

And I can’t think about this gang without thinking about how so many of the relationships in it are complicated, like I mentioned above. The way Maki and Kurosawa cannot be in a scene together without sniping, but Maki calls Kurosawa for help when he needs it and Kurosawa leaves Maki an extremely touching note acknowledging Maki’s importance in Haruta’s life. The way Maro and Haruta are friends but Haruta also chastizes Maro’s causal speech every time they talk. The way Chouko has found a detente with her mother-in-law by bonding over a boy band, and how Chizu relies on the Arais for childcare but feels ashamed that she has to. The way Takegawa wants a relationship so strongly but holds himself back from making a[nother] move on Maki so that Maki and Haruta can have a happy wedding day. The way Haruta can’t return Izumi’s feelings but he leaves room for him to feel them.The way Chouko and Izumi bond over having lost a long-held love. The way everyone thinks Kiku is super suspicious but they still eat his onigiri. The way Kurosawa gifts Kiku his fermentation pot in recognition of the both of them holding onto unrequited love. 

This show makes me so happy. I could keep explaining all the ways in which it brings me joy, but honestly, just go watch it. It’s on GagaOOLala right now, and @isaksbestpillow is working on improved subs for all episodes (the subs on Gaga are good enough to understand what's going on, but Siiiri's are better for understanding the nuances and jokes). You don’t need to have seen any of the previous content to enjoy this show. If you’ve ever lamented that BL isn’t funny; that BL doesn’t feature established relationships, that BL doesn’t have enough older characters; that JBL couples don’t kiss or show affection, then watch this show.

[sprout-senior]

some nightmare headcanon type things, bc some thoughts invaded my brain and i needed to get them out(in depth headcanon shit under the cut)

the ‘nightmare’ we know now is a completely different person from the former guardian of negativity, though he possesses all the same memories. he goes by the same name, brings up past events, and generally acts as if he’s the same person but evil. he’s apathetic and calm in his downtime, but he becomes manic/psychotic when wreaking havoc and feeding off negativity. if he has a soft spot for the ghost child residing in his head, he will never admit it or intentionally show it.

the real nightmare is dead, but his consciousness remains tied to the entity that took over his body, an echo of a soul. he spends a lot of time dormant/“asleep” due to the pain of constantly bearing witness to this parasite’s atrocities. he will always stay awake during any interactions with dream. he misses his brother so much. there have been a couple occasions where he has saved his life by wreaking absolute havoc in his shared mind(he SHRIEKS. he screams like a banshee and will not let up for even a second until dream is safe). this takes up a lot of energy, so he reserves this method for dream only for fear of not being able to use it when it matters most. his morals have… eroded, a little; he simply does not have the capacity to truly care for anyone but dream. 500 years of being a helpless bystander to mass murder was bound to desensitize him. as it stands now, he’s not about to waste precious energy on random people, even if it brings him a nonzero amount of guilt.

they refer to each other as moon and terror respectively, to avoid the headache of sharing a name. in downtime, they’re almost amicable; neither are much for conversation, but they will read together and generally let each other exist in peace and quiet.

moon knows that the pain and misery he feels is not his alone. he is intimately aware of terror’s inner struggles, and is not afraid to use it against him in arguments. he haunts him, tells him everything he doesn’t want to hear, laughs in his face when he lashes out in anger. terror retaliates by describing exactly how he wants to kill dream, insisting that moon won’t be able to do anything about it. their arguments usually end abruptly, either due to being interrupted or just running out of steam.

moon will never be able to exist independently from terror. hypothetically, he could interact with the world etc if terror relinquished that control, but that isn’t happening any time soon(or maybe ever).

the incidents where terror lets dream go leads him to believe that his brother is still in there, which… isn’t entirely inaccurate, but not in the way he thinks. terror holds no love or care for dream, and very firmly wants him dead.

just looking at the code, you would not be able to find moon’s presence. there are some people who could deduce it based on terror’s behavior, but only if they’ve experienced it themselves(dust, cross, etc) and they’re REALLY paying attention. dust is currently the only one who knows what’s up, having walked in on terror arguing with nobody one too many times. even then, he’s only going off an extremely educated guess; he’s not about to cause trouble with his boss.

[alphawolfstabs]

“I wish you were a girl.”

Idea from @ hyperfixatedonstuff, I needed to write this so here’s a Drabble. Let’s hope it’s yummy for you guys. [writing this in a car, might not be yummy-]

-

Stu’s always been in love with his best friend, always. He can hardly remember a time where he didn’t know Billy, because Billy barreled into his life and stayed put.

They’ve been friends since middle school. And they were usually seen together.

Billy was a rough kid, hard to get along with. He couldn’t do certain things, said it would make his skin crawl if he even thought about it. He would also get into fights a lot, usually started from someone talking about his mom. Billy didn’t have many friends, but he had Stu. Stu was content to stay his friend too, he really did like Billy.

Whenever Billy breathed, Stu breathed. If Billy moved, Stu moved. That’s just how it was for them.

As they got older, Stu didn’t feel any differently, he still really loved Billy. Even if he couldn’t have him.

They both got Girlfriends, and Stu did like her. He did, he liked being around her, but he often caught himself thinking about Billy. He also knew that Billy would most likely be bored. He’s seen the way Billy looks at his girlfriend. It’s always a masked look. “I’m really bored but I’m trying to show that I’m not” kind of look.

That’s what originally sent Stu into wondering if Billy even liked women. Because Billy never looked at him like that, never looked at most guys like that. Just women.

Stu would never ask about it though, he knew Billy liked to punch rather than talk. He’s experienced it before.

If Billy had a bad day, he’d be quick to throw hands until he could think again. Stu was always his punching bag, not that he minded, he’d do anything for Billy, be anything for Billy.

Currently, Stu’s hosting a party for 4th of July. He’s got the house to himself, might as well do something to make it not feel lonely. It’s not a big party, just enough people to make it fun.

Stus sitting outside in the backyard with Billy, it’s just the two of them outside. Everyone else is inside listening to Randy spew on about some movie he turned on.

Billys got a beer in hand, his fingers tapping lightly at the neck of the bottle. Stu wants to ask what’s wrong, but he can’t get words to leave his mouth.

Billy lolls his head to the side, his neck cracking, and then his eyes are on Stu’s. There’s a certain look behind them, a look Stu hasn’t seen before. It’s new, and it’s almost frightening. Then Billy is taking a sip of his beer before he’s getting up.

Stu barely has time to register Billy is standing before he feels lips against his. He’s being kissed by the boy he’s loved since they were young. He returns the kiss, hands finding their way to Billys hips. He doesn’t keep track of how long the kiss is, doesn’t want to, even if it is risky.

Then, Billys pulling away and whispering.

“I wish you were a girl.. would make life so much easier.”

Everything positive Stu felt in that moment drops. His stomach is curling and he feels sick. So sick.

He doesn’t even know how to reply, and Billys walking away before he can.

Stu’s never felt the overwhelming urge to cry, but right now he does. His chest feels tight and heavy and now he just wants everyone out of his house so he can be alone.

[tgmsunmontue]

More than movie magic... 8/24

Hangster AU. Explicit (eventually). Jake is a Hollywood actor and Bradley is a stunt coordinator. Jake's about to make a few self-discoveries. So is Bradley.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN

PART EIGHT

                He hadn’t recognized him.

                Until Jake had said his name and Bradley had looked at him properly, he’d not been paying attention, just seen another man dressed like every other cowhand, his attention focused on Machado and Bassett working with Rueben and Natasha. Except then he’d looked, and of course Jake looks comfortable on a horse, relaxed even, but he’d also looked tired. He’d felt a flare of concern, wondering whether Jake should be up and riding before reminding himself that Jake is by far the more experienced one in regards to his riding ability and he’d kept his mouth shut. Mostly. Except for the terrible sounding innuendo about Buttercup being a smooth ride. Which he hadn’t meant as an innuendo but it had sure as hell sounded like one to his ears after he’d said them out loud.

             ��  Ah well.

                Too late to worry about it now and he can avoid Jake Seresin and maybe prevent making a further idiot of himself. He doesn’t know when Jake got in, because there hadn’t been any sign of life at his trailer last night. Not that he had been looking. He groans. Okay. He’s being an idiot. Just because his mind has decided to set up camp in the gutter and give every turn of phrase an absolutely filthy innuendo. Of course, watching Jake ride, his legs spread over the back of the horse, thigh muscles visible under the denim of his worn jeans makes him think of Jake straddling him and this is not an appropriate train of thought.

                Fuck.

                It’s going to be a long couple of months.

…            …            …

                He’d hoped, apparently in vain, that seeing Bradley be good at something that Jake was better at would hopefully dampen his fascination with the other man. Except as he watches Bradley ride, as he talks with the others about the planned falls. drags and jumps, his hands gently brushing the velvety soft noses of the horses as he talks to them, it’s the same as before. He had really thought that maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as last time.

                He continues riding around the arena, Blitzen clearly wanting to keep moving and he just lets her go, lets his body’s muscles memory take over, glad for it because his eyes are fixed on Bradley and his team, working with Javy and Callie so he can at least pretend he’s watching them all rather than focusing almost solely on Bradley Bradshaw. He hears his name being called and mentally shakes himself, shifting slightly and Blitzen follows the lead and he’s guessing his dad has been working with her for her to respond so easily.

                “Hi.”

                “Jake, hi. I’m Anna, one of the executive assistants. Jennifer sent me to check in on Javy and Callie’s progress. What do you think?”

                “They’re looking good, especially considering Javy hasn’t ridden a horse before a couple of months ago. Bradley and his team have obviously been working a lot with them.”

                “Yeah, you’re right, they’ve definitely been building up their skills. Javy and Callie are looking and feeling pretty good about riding now, huge improvement from a couple of months ago. What about you? You going to need more time in the saddle, as it were?”

                “Give me a couple of days, but I should be fine. I rode every day last time I was home, I’m not that out of practice,” he says, gesturing at Blitzen who snorts at the sound of her name.

                “Good to know. Look forward to seeing you in action. You let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

                And there it is, a definitely flirtatious line thrown out and he smiles tightly and shakes his head minutely, because even if he’s not got any immediate plans to act on his attraction to Bradley, he’s not going to enter into anything with anyone else. That just wouldn’t be fair.

…            …            …

                He finds himself watching him, eyes tracking him, and he becomes aware that he’s being watched right back. He’s not imagining it at all, even Natasha and Bob and Rueben have given him knowing looks and fuck working with friends who know you too well, because they’re all far too amused for his liking.

                He doesn’t sleep with people, not fast and dirty flings, not anymore. He’s grown out of that. Actually, now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t really recall Jake Seresin ever being known as a serial dater. He’s… either happily single or happily in a relationship, no being seen around with a different person from week to week. Huh. He hadn’t really thought of that when he’d been doing his little dive into his past. Of course, he’d been focusing on his past, not his current dating life, except it’s usually the gossip he hears without even trying. And yet he’s still heard nothing.

                It’s later, after lunch and he’s heading back into the stables, needs to get ready for an afternoon of working through the actual stunts with Natasha and Rueben while all the actors go and read through together, now that everyone is actually here, filming can start in earnest. The stables are almost empty, one cowhand sitting in the corner reading a book, hat tipped down over his face enough that Bradley can’t make out who it is. He knows one person has been tasked with brushing down the horses between the morning and afternoon riding so that the job is done properly, and he’s glad that the care of the animals is paramount. He’s taking Buttercup out again, having gotten used to riding her in the last couple of weeks.

                “Aren’t you a beautiful princess hmm? Still as gorgeous as the day you were born…”

                It’s a low Texan drawl and his skin prickles at the sound, which is ridiculous because over half the people around him in the last two weeks have got the same accent. Then he looks and Bradley trips over absolutely nothing as he realizes that it’s Jake. Jake with the low drawl. He hadn’t ever heard Jake with anything but a standard Californian accent. Hadn’t realized while talking to everyone around him here that Jake might have the same accent as them. None of the videos he watched actually had him talking, and all the films he’s been in have been the same sanitized Californian accent people seem to get from living in LA and needing to get speech coaches to make themselves as appealing as possible to the wider market. But Jake is of course Texan and he’s in his home state surrounded by people with the same accent… the movie is set in Texas and he knows Callie and Javy have been working with voice coaches to get their accents right, but Jake just needs to… revert to his roots.

                Bradley’s never had a thing for accents before. Not that he's noticed anyway. It’s going to be awkward if it becomes a thing for everyone who has a Texan accent. He’s already got a thing for Jake, piling another on top of that is like adding a cup of sand to a beach so he hopes like hell that it’s solely Jake’s accent that he finds appealing. Jake in general he’s already dealing with. Or not dealing with, depending on who he asks.

                “You okay there Bradley?” Freddie asks, and he’s looking up from his book and Bradley can recognize him now he can see a face and he nods.

                “Yeah, uh, just wasn’t paying attention.”

                Freddie just gives him a nod and goes back to his book. Bradley looks back to Buttercup to find Jake watching him and he realizes he’s not going to be able to avoid him, not on a movie set that they’re both working and living on. Okay then. Avoidance is out, so ignoring it as best he can, is in.

PART NINE

[morallyinept]

Listen. Do you hear that, D?

That's the sound of silence. *Crickets chirping*

For some, silence can be a comfort, a relief even. A reprieve from the loud hustle and bustle of life.

But what about when silence only serves as a harsh reminder to amplify your loneliness?

Then what do you do?

Well, that's one way to tackle it, bud. But I don't think every one has a fire gun to hand. 🙄

Today we'll look at some other ways you can combat the feelings of loneliness.

It's Friday. You know what that means, don't you? It's time for more Self Care With Dieter & Jett.

Oh, for fuc- *inaudible bleeping* 🤬

Having lots of friends, family and contacts in your life doesn’t mean that you won’t feel lonely at some point.

In a world of social media and an advancing online presence living out of the palm of your hand, physical loneliness has been on the rise.

Sometimes, loneliness is out of our control; we don't necessarily invite it into our lives, but it can be situational, like starting university or a new job, for instance. We're thrust into a change that we don't have control of whilst adjusting, and this can also cause some loneliness to creep in.

Ever heard that expression about standing in a crowded room and yet feeling lonely? You're just in a situation where you expected to feel connected, but you didn't. Feeling alone, even when people are around, can be a common symptom of depression, social anxiety or acute shyness.

So, what can we do to feel less lonely?

Dieter, do you have any ideas?

Yeah, the lights are on but no-ones ever home, eh bud?

Perhaps I'll ask Javi to come and help me with future self-care posts...

Yeah, maybe not... Dieter, please try to be more enthused.

That's the spirit.

Self-care to ease loneliness

For many of us, feeling lonely can be linked to low self-esteem or self-confidence. And sometimes, improving our relationships with ourselves, as well as others, can help us to feel less lonely.

You could start by thinking about what self-care means to you. Remember that self-care looks different for everyone. 

Some people who live alone find it comforting to have some background noise. This could be the television, music or a podcast you enjoy. 

It may help to start doing activities you enjoy by yourself. For example, going for a walk in your local area, doing some arts and crafts.

It could also involve moving your body, watching a film you love, decluttering your home or going to a free museum in your area. 

It’s okay to try different things to see what makes you feel good. Try and be patient with yourself as you discover new ways to give yourself some self-care.

Talk to people you know

You might feel like you know plenty of people, but don’t have a deep connection with them. Or that the people around you don't give you the care and attention that you need.

If this is how you feel, it might help to open up to someone you trust. This could be a friend or family member, a colleague or someone else in your life. You don’t need to speak face-to-face. You could send them a text message, or send a message to someone on social media.

Many of us have experienced loneliness, but it can be a scary thought to tell other people about it. It might be helpful to think about what you want to say in advance. You may find that they’ve experienced similar feelings before.

Make new connections

If you've felt lonely for a long time, it might feel overwhelming to start opening up to people. Trying to meet new people may also worry you. But you don't need to rush into anything.

To start small, try and make conversations with people you come across in your day-to-day life. For example, this could be saying hello to the barista at the coffee shop. Or making conversation with a neighbour.

Some people find it useful to be in environments where there are lots of people around. For example, coffee shops, libraries or shopping centres. Feeling the presence of other people may help with some feelings of loneliness.

Try thinking about how your interests could help you connect with other people. For example, if you like reading, you could join an online forum for conversations about books. You could also spend some time in a local library before joining a book club. Focus on environments where you feel safe and try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Don't compare yourself

Many of us have changed the way we communicate over the last few years. We’re connecting with others online and through social media more.

Being able to interact with more people online has been a positive experience for many of us. But others may find this challenging. We often only see what other people want to share about their lives on social media.

Seeing photos of others at events, or socialising with friends and family, might make us feel like we’re the only one who’s feeling lonely. Being able to access so many people’s lives can sometimes feel overwhelming.

It’s sometimes hard to stop comparing ourselves to others. But remember that things aren’t always what they seem from the outside. We don’t know how other people feel when they’re alone. Or what’s going on for them outside of their social media feed.

Look after your brain

Feeling lonely can affect your wellbeing. Making small changes in your day-to-day life may help you feel more able to connect with others.

Physical activity can be really helpful for your mental wellbeing. Some people also find it helps to improve their self-esteem. If you want to meet people while exercising, you could join a local exercise class at the gym.

Spend time in nature if you can. This can improve your sense of wellbeing and reduce feelings of loneliness. For example, you could join a local running or hiking group.

Some people find that spending time around animals can help with feelings of loneliness. You could try visiting a local shelter to volunteer, or join an app where you can walk dogs locally...

You might feel lonelier during certain times of year. For example, at Christmas or on certain anniversaries. It might be helpful to think in advance about what activities you could do to make you feel good at these times.

Showing yourself some kindness and self-care are key in how you can ease loneliness and start to integrate yourself into new routines, opening up a wider social network, that will only have positives on your long term mental health.

So D, we've talked about ways we can combat our loneliness today, are you feeling inspired for what you can do when loneliness creeps in?

Chronic masturbation doesn't count, D...

Dieter and I hope that whenever you're feeling lonely, you remember to be kind to yourself, and to challenge yourself gently with some new ways of putting yourself out there.

Until next week guys, stay kind & stay creamy! 🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter & Jett here

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.

[erodasfishtacos]

hiiii.

this is the first two parts of an exclusive trope i have on pateron. it is completed and all together eight parts.

if you’re interested in the rest, you can sign up here for $3USD and have access to 100s of stories and blurbs.

++

YN doesn't know why she thought that a hockey game of all things would make her feel any better about her breakup with Adam.

YN really can’t imagine that anything will lessen the sour taste of her high school sweetheart getting another girl pregnant.

All YN had known was Adam which she was now realizing how much she had been missing out on experiencing through her earlier twenties.

While Adam snuck around behind her back to experiment, hook-up, and do whatever else with other woman.

YN, unfortunately, only knew Adam intimately.

YN always knew that had been lackluster, always more to desire because he chased his own needs and very rarely helped her reach her own pleasure.

It was bittersweet.

There’s a massive relief that she doesn’t have to imagine her entire life with him and open it to new possibilities.

However, the hurt that came with his infidelity still ached enough that she sometimes physically felt her chest twinge.

A hockey game with a few of her close friends.

Her best friend, April, worked for the arena which meant that she was able to secure pretty close-to-the-ice tickets for a fourth of the price.

As they sat down, a few of them had already had a drink or two in them, and YN didn’t want to mix alcohol with a broken heart so she stuck to a soda instead.

After they’ve filed into their seats, YN was at the one end of her group which meant the chair next to her would be filled by another attendee.

She didn’t think anything of it, leaning across her friend Henry to chat to April, her back towards the empty seat.

YN does not realize that someone is trying to sit down until someone bumps her in the back with their elbow, not hard enough to hurt but enough that YN glances back.

“Sorry for that,” The most gorgeous man she’s ever seen apologizes, a big genuine smile that makes dimples pop in his cheeks, “Got my hands full.”

And he did, he managed to carry three bottles of beer by the neck in one hand, his other filled with a tray of food.

His friends follow shortly after, tugging the beers one by one out of his hand until he can sit down comfortably with his carton of food on his lap.

“It’s okay,” YN assures him, trying to not make it too obvious that she’s giving him a sneaky once over because damn.

He was in a pair of well fitting jeans, a shirt that looked vintage but hugged his broad shoulders tight, looser as it tapered down.

The man continues to smile at her as his friends appear to be quite a rowdy group in comparison to him as they settle in.

“You’re pretty,” The stranger tells her, no shame in his words but not much meaning because he’s already turning back towards his friends like he didn’t just rock her world.

YN questions whether she heard it right because did he just call her pretty?

She tries desperately not to hyper focus on it like a schoolgirl with a crush but it’s hard when his shoulders are so broad, his biceps were built.

It was impossible for their bodies not to be frequently touching.

YN attempts to focus on her friends until the game starts, having to face forward and not be able to have her back to the man.

“You want a fry?” The stranger asks randomly after a few moments.

YN assumes that he’s talking to a friend until he nudges her with an elbow, “Do you want a fry or a chicken strip?”

YN normally wouldn’t accept food from someone she didn’t know but their dinner had been disgusting and inedible which meant her stomach was rumbling.

He’s offering the basket up to her, letting her pick out a fry, and his smile was still just plaster on his face as he watched her.

“Thank you,” YN replies after she’s finished it, giving him more of an unsure grin back.

“Help yourself,” He tells her casually before he’s placing the basket between them so she could grab a fry or strip more easily.

This was weird.

After a few minutes, YN hesitantly plucks up another fry, and the man next to her doesn’t acknowledge that she’s eating out of his basket at all.

When YN’s hand hits paper, she looked down in utter embarrassment, “Oh my god. I am so sorry. I didn’t even realize that I was eating all your food.”

The guy looks over at her for a moment, confused until he glances down at the basket balanced on his leg, and then back to her.

“I’ll go grab you another one right now-“

YN moves to stand up and his hand lightly comes to her shoulder to keep her sat, his expression is somewhat unreadable, somewhat amused.

“I offered them to you? Why are you apologizing?”

“You didn’t offer for me to eat the whole basket,” YN points out with a heat in her cheeks, this was embarrassing.

“Are you still hungry? I could go grab more,” He asks easily, it wasn’t a jest or teasing, he was being a hundred percent serious.

If YN would have ate Adam’s food, he would have demanded she go immediately to get more and then bring it up for the rest of the night too.

This man, who was unfairly attractive but more than that, suspiciously nice even though it didn’t come off as creepy or predatory.

“I’m good. Thank you for asking. I’m sorry again,” YN apologizes again for good measure as she picks anxiously at her thumb.

“No apology needed,” He shakes his head with a laugh as he puts the empty remnants on the ground in front of him and swigs from his beer.

YN has to keep her eyes on the ice, she is much too focused on every time his shoulder brushes or his knee knocks in hers because he has to spread his legs an ungodly amount.

There was no conversation between them until another attendee who was further into the middle row was attempting to exit by their side.

The man was a bit wobbly, there was surely a lot of alcohol running through his system and he wasn’t being careful.

He trips over his own feet, over the debris on the ground, and rumbles right on top of YN who yelps in surprise.

The man next to her is quick to action, standing up and tugging the guy back up so that he was standing off his feet.

He was visibly annoyed with the drunk, voice sharp as he warns, “Watch where you’re fucking walking, mate. You could have hurt her.”

The guy mumbles an apology before staggering up the stairs, most likely to get more alcohol.

“Thank you,” YN says once again to him, adjusting her top and brushing off the pants of her leg, heart still pounding.

“Harry, bro. Johnson almost scored!” One of his friends pats his arm excitedly.

Harry.

Well, Harry gives her that signature smile before biting the corner of his lip, and his eyes stay on her a moment longer than acceptable before going back to his friends.

When a commercial break cuts, towards the end of the game, it’s the crowd's favorite time.

The kiss cam.

YN doesn’t think much of it, she’s not with anyone nor loving up on someone.

And it’s an area with fifty-thousand people, it’s next to impossible for her to-

But then her friends are squealing, shoving at her to look towards the Jumbotron, and there she is, projected on the screen.

The frame is decorated with corny swirling pink hearts, balloons popping, and most importantly bold letters that read, ‘KISS CAM’.

In the frame with her, however, is Harry.

As if they were a couple.

His friends must point it out to him because he’s glancing at the screen before he’s making eye contact with her.

Boldly, wildly, he grins and asks, “Can I kiss you?”

YN boldy, wildly nods ‘yes’.

He leans into her space then, big hands coming up to cup her face, and he pulls her into a kiss with an intensity that’s unwarranted but welcomed.

YN can feel her heartbeat in her throat, blood rushing through her ears, and her hand trembling when she wraps her fingers around his wrist.

It’s not chaste.

No, Harry is swiping his tongue against her bottom lip as the crowd goes absolutely insane, roaring and hooting.

Not to mention their friends.

At some point, the camera finds a new couple but YN is positive that they’ve kissed for much longer than they were on the screen before they both pull back.

His lips are puffy, pink, and his eyes are intent on her.

YN feels like panting and her heart jumps when he leans back in for another kiss, a shorter, more sweet one but his hand is grounding on her jaw.

“I’m Harry.”

“YN,” She smiles back at him, her hand still gripping onto him and he doesn’t seem to mind one bit as they just can’t take their eyes off each other.

“Would you want to get out of here?” Harry asks brazenly, hopefully as he appears like he wants to devour her.

YN who’s never been a risk-tasker, who’s never had a hook-up, or anyone other than Adam finds herself agreeing, “Yeah, I do.”

+ second part +

After Harry had opened his apartment door, the arousal and excitement has warped into a trembling nervousness.

What the fuck did a random hookup look like?

YN didn’t even know if she was good at sex because Adam only had a few trusty positions that he liked.

Harry locks the door behind them, the apartment is small but cozy and clean, it smells like his cologne and the lighting is just right for the mood.

He steps up behind her, leaning down to kiss her neck, and his hands on her hips, bigger and stronger than anything she’s ever felt before.

“Do you need anything first? Bathroom, food, water?” He asks against her skin, he was forward in the way that he was already pressing his hips into her backside.

YN shakes her head, trying to keep up, “No, thank you.”

Harry laughs softly, lips smooth against her pulse, “So polite. Let me know if that changes, baby.”

Baby.

They just met and it sounded sincere, not like a corny pickup line.

Harry moves in front of her, not once ounce of shyness as he crosses his arms over his chest and tugs his shirt up and off.

He was ripped.

Surprisingly so, not that he didn’t look fit with his shirt on but YN wasn’t expecting him to have abs, a sharp vee cutting towards his groin, nor the defined muscle near his ribs.

He looks like he walked out of a magazine.

Was she being pranked?

YN didn’t think this could possibly be real life where the most handsome man she’d ever seen was stripping for her.

He moves towards his jeans, unbuckling his belt, and shimmying them off his narrow hips before kicks them to the side.

Just in his briefs and socks, his groin was prominent, and YN’s heart lurches at that because she’s only taken Adam who was a little below average in size.

His wasn’t average, she could tell from here.

A nervous flip of arousal churns in the bit of her stomach, she wanted this man so much that she felt like clenching her thighs together.

Harry’s brow knife in concern when he notices YN stood like a statue, just staring at him, and making no effort to move.

“Is everything okay?” Harry checks cautiously, stepping towards her but not touching her as he looks unsure.

Fuck, she was embarrassed again.

“Uh, ye-yeah,” Her voice cracks like a boy going through puberty, “Just my first time.”

Harry’s eyes widen in alarm, startled, “Oh fuck, I would have done shit different if I knew that you’ve never-“

YN realizes she could have used much better wording and waves her hand, “No no, I’m not a virgin. I just got out of a long-term relationship. I’ve only ever been with him. This is my first time…just randomly hooking up with someone.”

A relieved smile crosses Harry’s face, “Shit, baby. I’m glad you chose me. How could someone let you go? Prettiest face I’ve ever seen, cutest set of tits too.”

“I just might not be the best but,” YN shrugs sheepishly, this has to be the most mortifying experience ever.

“Don’t be worried ‘bout a thing,” Harry assures her as he steps forward, “Now I gotta give it my all to prove m’better than your ex.”

YN decides to take a step out of her comfort zone, reaching forward to grip him through the cotton of his briefs, and he fills her whole hand.

“You weren’t going to give it your all before?” YN teases, feeling her confidence grow by the moment as she moves to thumb over the sensitive head.

“Fuck,” He curses under his breath, eyes meeting hers under his lashes, “I was always going to, baby.”

“Mhm,” YN hums, not convinced as he twitches in her palm, easy for her already.

“Gotta get you naked, my room,” Harry’s breathing is heavier as he reaches out for her hand, guiding her towards his bedroom.

Once they’re in, it’s surprisingly big, and has a comfortable looking king-sized bed that was actually made nicely.

“Please,” YN hears him asks after a moment of her being distracted, “Let me undress you. I’m fuckin’ dying to see you.”

YN can’t help but look over his body once more and she knew she was nothing in comparison to his athletic build.

However, pushing the insecurity down, she nods with a smile for him to undress her.

It was worth the nerves.

By the time she’s down to just her panties, Harry is groaning as he acts like he’s never seen anything better in his life.

“Knew you’d have the cutest set of tits I’ve ever seen,” Harry rumbles as he ducks down to cup them in his big palms, mouth wrapping around one and sucking.

It felt amazing.

Adam didn’t pay any attention to her body when they had sex, never had, and it did feel like her first time in a way.

She wouldn’t want it with anyone else but Harry.

His hand trails from her breast down her belly, fingers dipping into the front of her cotton underwear.

“Fuck, wait,” YN reaches down to hold his wrist, cheeks warm, “You don’t have to.”

Harry pulls his mouth back from her chest, frowning as he stands up straight again, “Do you not like that?”

“It’s not that, I just haven’t you know…” YN trails off, hoping that he would catch on.

He doesn’t.

“You haven’t….” Harry repeats back, he was still soft and gentle, unhurried and patient with her as she hesitated.

YN looks past his right ear as she replies, “I haven’t shaved in a while. We’ve been broken up for a few months and I haven’t maintained-“

Harry is letting out a humored snort, leaning forward to kiss her quiet before he’s kneeling down in front of her, mouth laying wet kisses on her belly.

“Baby, you’re insane if you think I mind hair. Anyway, I can get your pussy is fine by me. I like it, knowing I’m the first to have you like this in a while,” Harry replies, voice scratchier as his arousal grows, and his lips stay on her hip as he tugs the underwear down her legs.

Adam would refuse to have anything to do with her if she wasn’t freshly shaven.

Not shaving for the past few months had felt like the most freeing experience, she hadn’t ever thought she would be randomly having a hookup or she would have shaved.

“Fuck, that’s so hot,” Harry groans when he finally gets a look at her, his thumb coming up to smooth down the downy curls that were lightly dusting her pubic bone.

“Harry,” YN giggles anxiously, “You don’t have to act like -“

“Can I get my mouth on you?” Harry cuts her off, his eyes were glued to her center, where his thumb was pressing between her folds to nudge at her clit.

YN raises her eyebrow in surprise.

Adam had rarely done that, maybe five times total in their entire relationship, and YN never requested it because it didn’t feel good enough to want it again.

“If you want,” YN breathes out, still in a bit disbelief that this man was kneeling in front of her, asking to put his mouth if her.

“If I want,” He chuckles with a shake of his head before his hands are gripping his hips a bit firmer and keeping her still.

He doesn’t waste another moment, burying his face into her center, nose bumping against the curls on her mound as his tongue swipes through the split of her.

Harry knows what he’s doing.

His lips find her clit in seconds flat but he’s grunting at her, communicating without taking his mouth off of her, and shoulders her legs apart wider.

YN reaches for balance, finding his hair as something perfect to weave her fingers into, and hold steady.

He then just casually, again refusing to take his mouth away, hefts one of her thighs over his shoulder, and makes it possible to lick even deeper.

“Harry,” YN moans kittenishly, a sound she’s never heard out of her own mouth as she tugs harshly at his hair.

He lets out his own moan between sucks and licks, nose buried in the curls, and he’s taking heavy breathes because of his refusal of air.

YN has had orgasms when she had sex with Adam, occasionally, and with her own fingers.

This was the first time someone other than herself made her come.

Holy shit, it was life-changing.

“M’close,” YN warns but by the time she gets the words out, she’s throwing her head back and bucking her hips into his mouth as she rides it out.

His hands move to grip her ass hard, bruising enough as he pushes her as close as possible to help her feel it for as long as possible.

YN realizes just how much she was tugging his hair when her fingers ache, unwinding them as she pants, “I’m sorry. I pulled your hair so hard.”

Harry sits back on his heels, face shining as he swipes his thumb across his bottom lip before sticking in his mouth.

He was fucking obscene.

“Loved it,” Harry replies, voice raspy and deeper than ever, “You tasted just as good as you look. I think I’m in love with the bush.”

YN giggles as he helps her unwind her leg from over his shoulder, he stands up and kisses her hard.

It shouldn’t be hot that she can taste herself.

“Want to see you,” YN murmurs shyly, her fingernails trailing down his stomach, his abs twitching in response.

“Yeah, baby?” Harry goads as he watches her hand, “Hopefully it’s to your liking.”

YN takes that as permission to tug his briefs down his thighs, he was beautiful here too, unsurprisingly.

YN had experience with this.

Kinda.

Adam was less than half the size, not as pretty nor as thick.

It was a bit intimidating.

Harry must sense it, pressing a kiss to her lips, and huffing when she wraps her hand around him, stroking upwards.

“S’gonna fit, nice and snug, huh?” Harry whispers sweetly before he bites her bottom lip, he takes it upon himself to reach down again.

He slips in index and middle finger through her folds, crooking them up inside of her, and cursing under his breathe.

“Baby, you’re tight,” He tells her as he goes slowly, working her open as she pumps him in slow, firm strokes.

YN bites her lip, brave as she thumbs over his shiny tip, “Fuck me, please. Want it.”

“What do you like?” Harry asks as he walks them backwards to the bed, YN landing on her back and squirming up to the middle center.

“What do you mean?” YN asks between a gasp when she feels him brush against her mound, tip bumping at her folds.

“What position gets you off the best?” Harry elaborates as he peppers kisses over her collarbone, tweaking a nipple in his fingers.

“Whatever you like,” YN replies because none get her off.

Harry glances up at her, “But what position is good for you?”

“They’re all the same, aren’t they?” YN shrugs mulishly, “I don’t usually, well, I can use my fingers in any one.”

Harry looks at her like she’s grown a second head, voice sharper, “Did you ex really never make you orgasm during sex without you using your own fingers?”

YN tucks her bottom lip between her front teeth for a moment, “He said it’s easier if I just did it so yeah.”

Harry shakes his head, a scoff of disbelief, “How did he not worship this perfect little pussy, baby? I’ve never seen anything more magnificent.”

YN tries not to let the compliment go to her head, he defiently says that to every other girl he’s been with, it’s just a line.

“Your fingers aren’t going to be anywhere near your cunt tonight,” Harry rumbles as he reaches over to his night stand, rummaging until he finds a condom and rolls it over himself.

“Sweetheart, you’re drippin’ to your bum,” Harry laughs but it’s not mean, it’s fond as he has her bend her knees and spread them.

Harry paints himself up and down her entrance, hitting the heavy weight of it against her clit a few times before pressing in.

“O-oh,” YN gasps because he’s big.

It’s not painful but it is a stretch, as he makes room for himself, and he goes slowly.

He leans down, kissing her, and murmuring encouraging words to her.

Much too sweet for a causal hookup.

“Look at you, never had anyone look so pretty while taking my cock, baby.”

“See? S’room for me, hugging me perfectly.”

“Shit, darling. Never going to want to pull out, just want to stay all tucked up inside you.”

“Fuckin’ beautiful, I can’t decide whether I want to look at your pretty face or perfect pussy. M’spoiled for choice.”

“Please, please,” YN hiccups, she feels needy as he starts to put in more force behind in thrusts, and on every odd motion, he manages to hit a spot she didn’t know she had.

The spot that barreled her towards her second orgasm, nails digging to Harry’s bicep as she squeezes her eyes shut.

“Fuck, there it is, pretty baby. Come around my cock, squeezing me,” Harry lets out a low moan when he feels her walls contract around him.

YN has never come twice like that.

When Harry reaches down to press a thumb to her clit, she squeals with the overstimulation but he kisses her and assures her that she can give him one more.

YN has pathetic, fat tears streaming down her face as her third orgasm hits her.

“There we go,” Harry croons, pleased as a peach as he kisses her damp cheeks, “Came on my tongue, on my cock twice, see how good you are for me? S’all mine, right? Only cock you’ve ever come on.”

The possessiveness in his words makes her stomach flip with something good, validating that she wanted.

“Just yo-yours,” YN manages to agree through bated breath, he was pounding into her now, barreling towards his own end.

“Good girl, fuckin’ making me come for you,” He grits out, a bead of sweat dripping down his temple as he stills, pulsing inside her, “Fuckin’ hell.”

++

YN wakes up before Harry the next morning, quietly as a mouse slipping back into her clothes, and leaving his apartment.

Was it a shitty thing to do?

Yes.

Did she do it to avoid him kicking her out after they used each other because it felt real to her and this was just plain fun for him?

Also yes.

YN guesses this is how hookups go.

[bokettochild]

So, inspired by my Chain and Magic post, I have written something. It is short and I don't know if I'm going to continue it, but here it is.

-

  Legend is nice.

  Okay, that’s wrong, Legend isn’t nice, per say, but he feels nice. 

  Wild can’t explain exactly what he means by that to the others, but it’s true. Being around Legend feels nice, safe, peaceful. Granted, the vet is one of the most vocal and most salty members of their chain of Links, and he’s certainly got his share of issues, but there's something about sitting next to him after a long day that reminds Wild of Death.

  Okay, that also sounds wrong, let's back up, yeah?

  Since meeting Legend, Wild has been able to feel Death on him. As someone who’s died himself, it’s hard not to. There’s a certain magic about Death, something distinctive that he’s learned will make those who’ve experienced it perk up when they sense the magic that reflects that which lingers on their own selves. 

  It happens with stal-monsters, it happens with skull-children, it even happens with the champions. Maybe that’s where he learned to sense it; the champions. Their magic still lingers about him and he’s learned to sense them by magic alone. Not that he can use much magic, only the kind that they’ve given him, but he still knows what death magic feels like.

  So that’s why he knows that he feels it when he’s near Legend.

  It’s not strong, by any means. It’s not magic like a soul that is lingering in the mortal world, or even like a death curse or anything (Urbosa assures him that isn’t what it is anyways) it’s just, Death.

  He can see where she has traced her mark on the vet’s skin, feel her magic seeping from the scar that by all rights should have killed his brother (maybe did). Her fingers have brushed from his jaw down; etched down his throat and across his shoulders, curling around one arm and back up, down his torso and his thighs and back up to the place on his back where Death must have lingered for a moment, lingered to take a soul, but stopped before it was gone.

  He doesn’t know what made the scars, what accident or incident it was that etched a white trail up and down Legend’s skin the way it has, but he’d studied the marks closely the one time they all went swimming together, and when he's dared to reach out and touch one time, taking Legend’s left hand in his own and tracing the splintering scars, he’d felt Death whispering at him from the contact.

  It was nice.

  A lot of the heroes think that dying is a horrible thing. Twilight talks about it as some inevitable monster that they couldn’t escape, and Warriors much the same. The younger ones see it as distant while Time worries about it, but Wild has seen death. He’s died once before, he remembers, although not well, what had happened.

  He’d been in pain. Hurting, hurting so bad! He’d been in absolute agony in one moment and the next- Warmth, darkness. A gentle caress wiping away the cares of life, assuring him he had done his duty.

  It’s been the hardest memory of all to unlock, but it had come to him one day when he’d, in a fit of exhaustion, flopped against the veteran instead of Twilight, who was on his other side, and felt the death magic touch him again. He’d come back to himself to find a very startled Legend and highly concerned Twilight, the rest of the heroes staring as he’d sobbed for a reason even he couldn’t explain.

  Death had been nice.

  She was warm where everyone in his life before had been cold and judgemental. She had held him tight and fought for him when no one and nothing had ever fought for him before.

  She had lost. Some blue magic pulled him back into light and cold and pain and water. She’d tried to take him back when the water had clouded his senses and filled his lungs, but even though she would brush against him, trying, reaching, straining, Death was unable to grasp him as he’d drowned and drowned and drowned, all without being allowed to die, until the lid of the Shrine had lifted and air had plunged into his lungs to wake him and Death had been cast so far away he could no longer remember her.

  But Legend felt like her. And because of that, Legend was safe.

  He couldn’t explain it, but as much as he loves Time, and Twilight (and Wolfie of course) sometimes, when his memories are bad, he doesn’t seek out the two older men. Sometimes, when his memories hurt and he wishes he was dead, he goes and he sits next to Legend instead.

  Legend doesn’t seem to mind. If Wild can feel him, then Legend can probably feel Wild’s death too, but he never says anything. No, Legend doesn’t speak up at all. If Wild is holding his hand and tracing his scars, pushing up a green sleeve to follow white trails up the vet’s lithe arm, the other boy doesn’t protest. He does stare sometimes, but he doesn’t ask.

  He likes that about Legend. Legend never asks anyone to explain their quirks and habits. He certainly stares at them, and sometimes he seems to be trying to read them, or their magic even; his own poking at theirs in a curious manner, but Legend’s magic feels just a bit like death too, so it’s okay. Wild can’t control his inner magic the same way Hyrule and Legend do, but he knows his magic responds in pleasure to the vet’s presence, and that alone seems to be enough for Legend to accept that sometimes he just wants to sit with him.

[nayatarot777]

how can you feed your spirit? • pac

if you’re interested in a personal video reading, my patreon readings, or my youtube readings, then find the links to all of those things on my website here!

• pile one •

you guys may feel like you really have a hole in your soul or a hole in your spirit due to someone who lacked so much empathy. someone who had so much hidden envy or jealousy towards you. someone who showed you fake love to get what they wanted from you. it doesn’t matter who this person is - they could be a fake family member, a fake friend, a coworker, a bitch-made partner who saw multiple things in you that they were threatened by and jealous of. your guides are telling you to not be afraid to use your voice and speak up about this and how they’ve hurt you. whether they see it or not, getting out what you want to say will heal you a lot. you could put them on blast online. because this person holds a lot of secrets - and therefore made you feel like you had to hold onto secrets due to the effects of this person’s bs behaviour towards you. don’t be afraid to speak up about thus. you will have support and you will have people who are a circle of protection for you. i’m hearing that this person literally tried to end you in some way. for some of you literally and for others of you figuratively, with the way that they tried to crush your spirit any chance that they could. i’m gonna put it out there - this person is highly narcissistic. they don’t feel guilt or remorse for what they did. they don’t feel bad at all. they don’t have a heart. they’re probably the types of people who come across like they don’t even have a soul and that’s why yours triggered them so much. this is someone who doesn’t feel anything, so don’t feel bad for putting this person on blast. you hold a lot of knowledge on this person that they want you to keep quiet about. they expect you to hold the burdens of what they did to you in silence as if they’re owed that. they’re owed nothing. especially not from you. any anxiety that you’ve been experiencing due to this person and what you had to endure, you can relieve through divination (tarot in particular), just like how what you’re doing now. there may still be things that you’re not entirely clear on and divination will give you more of an objective and birds-eye view of this person and this situation. it’s time to write or speak about what you experienced with this person. and doing this online could definitely be the best method of doing so. it’s time to change the dynamic between you, because you’re holding burdens that shouldn’t and don’t belong to you. they belong to this person. so take them off of you and give it to who’s supposed to have it.

• pile two •

you guys could definitely have a fear of having responsibility over your own life. it seems like you reject opportunities that allow you to take a more authoritative approach and become the ruler of your own life. perhaps because you’ve been infantilised by parents or caregivers so much. and while they could’ve done this out of love and care for you, they haven’t done you any favours by doing this since you’re now someone who doesn’t know how to lead yourself without someone else telling you what to do. for others of you, these people infantilised you by instilling fear of the world and of life in general into you so that you’d always be dependent onto them. because that’s how they keep you tethered to them - even if they’re toxic or maybe even abusive towards you. a lot of you could feel like you’re a lot younger internally than you are physically, and this is the reason why. the first thing that you need to do is to practice some type of self-love. if you’re into witchcraft, do some self-love spells. i’m also seeing that a lot of you need to drink more water. as a way of easing yourself into responsibility in life, you could start with something small like caring for a plant daily. or taking responsibility over your health by setting an exercise routine or going for daily walks or something like that. you just need to find something that allows you to step into your power. any fear that you have towards stepping out of your comfort zone needs to be addressed. you need to look within yourself and do some ‘shadow work’. what about the world or what about life scares you so much? there may also be some responsibility that you have in terms of spiritual gifts. especially if you’re a tarot reader yourself or if you’re just clairvoyant or something similar. you may be rejecting these gifts but you shouldn’t. your power is in this, and every-time you reject these gifts, you reject your strengths. i’m also hearing that you could take more responsibility over your diet too. to choose healthier food options - especially if you’re from a family that doesn’t prioritise something like that. you need to stop rejecting yourself and your own power. if you have parents and family who genuinely love you and don’t just view you for how doing everything for you can feed their ego and their sense of self-importance, then they’ll understand the natural part of life where you have to grow into your own person. if not, then they’ll just try to reject and negatively influence any type of authority and leadership that you take for yourself over your own life - but this is needed.

• pile three •

you need to put yourself on a higher pedestal, pile three. you need to elevate the viewpoint that you have of your true self. you have experiences of being vilified for speaking up for yourself and saying exactly what you mean, and that’s caused a lot of shame within you - simply just because you spoke truths and people didn’t like it (probably because you were exposing their bs), but if you allow yourself to shut yourself up and not use your voice, you’re letting these people silence you completely and to destroy the strength of your voice that you have. you’re the person who’s not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking - but what everyone else is too afraid to say. the strongest person in the room will always try to be taken down by others who are intimidated by them. if people didn’t see you as a force to be reckoned with, they wouldn’t feel threatened by you in the first place, right? this vilification may have really affected your confidence and your ability to see yourself in a positive light. and perhaps your ability to listen to your intuition too, due to being gaslit out of what you know that you know. it’s time to step into some bravery and not be afraid of being seen as the villain by those who are the actual villains themselves. perhaps there are some things that you need to address about your home life or within your family. they probably won’t like what you have to say and they probably will try to paint you out to be the bad guy like always, but there’s going to be more strength that you find in yourself speaking your truth and being known as the villain instead of suppressing yourself. for a lot of you, your family has implemented so much rage, anger, and sadness within you. you’re going to be vilified either way so you might as well live in your truth, right? you have more of a higher perspective than any of these people and you know the truth about whatever situations people try to push you away from seeing and speaking about. when you speak the truth, you unmask the people full of negative energy, behaviour, and mindsets. and i’m hearing that for some of you, you could feel like this person or these people are literally evil - the devil incarnate, even. you don’t have to listen to the shit that comes out of these people’s mouths about you, but they’ll always be listening to what you have to say out of fear of you exposing them some more. do it 🤭.

• pile four •

the first thing that i’m seeing for you is that you should focus on healing yourself sexually. you could be a very sexual person or sexually open behind closed doors, but you still have some sexual shame from expectations and familial or societal pressures put onto you. accepting yourself for your sexuality (in whatever way that is), or accepting your naked body is important. i’m also seeing that some of you might hide who you truly are or how you truly feel behind anger as a defender mechanism. you might always be ready for battle with other people when you feel tried and tested or triggered by something, but it’s time for healing and not war at this point of your life. you could be self-destructing through your anger and defensiveness - and while this is understandable, it’s not healthy for you to consistently be in this energy. there’s also something or someone that you need to clear out of your life. could be a parent or a guardian, but it’s time to clear someone or something out of your life that makes you feel criticised and ridiculed. this person puts a lot of pressure onto you and forces you to hide who you truly are for the sake of their acceptance. if this is about a parent or a family member, then understand that their love shouldn’t be conditional. that means that their love is self-serving. they’re not loving you because you’re their child or because you’re someone who deserves love (which you do). they’re loving you in exchange for what they can get to fulfil them and their ego. it’s self-serving “love” that’s expressed for the sake of themselves and not you. if this isn’t about necessarily clearing this person completely out of your life, then you need to clear their criticisms out. i’m hearing “speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil”. put up boundaries and conditions in the same way that they do to you. let them know that if they’re going to say certain things to you, then they’re not welcome in your space and nor are they welcome to speak to you (and neither is anyone who’s willing to listen to and relay back to you their bs). also, maintain spiritual protection. burn incenses, white candles or tea lights, do protection spells. i feel like there are people sending you evil-eye and talking shit behind your back, even if you don’t actually see or hear this. but this could be affecting you negatively energetically. do some sort of spiritual protection or return-to-sender and leave them to stew in their criticisms of you that are actually just criticisms of themselves that they’re projecting out onto you.

[yoditorian]

Lacuna - The Rewrite - Part 2

din/gn!reader

i split the original chapter into two upon rewriting, which is why the second half is missing

original part 2//series masterlist//main masterlist

word count: 3.1k // warnings: some swears, too many italics, that's literally it tho, still 18+ no babies

“-wiped out, no one survived.”

“Well, someone did.”

They’re arguing, still. And you’ve been delivered five meals since being directed into the small office for questioning. So it’s been at least a day, almost two. Probably. The voices in the hall fade, they must be off to discuss your situation with someone who might be able to make the decision. They’ve already searched you and your pack - already confirmed you’re not a spy for the Empire - so what’s the hold up?

You don’t hear a set of footsteps approaching the door, too wrapped up in your own anxieties about what might happen if they don’t let you in. Which is probably why you jump half a foot in your chair when the door slides open. It reveals a woman, dark hair and sharp features, deep green flight suit tied at her waist. She’s pretty, although she’s clearly not sure what to make of you just yet as she eyes the binders at your wrists.

“What do you do?” She asks, arms folded as she leans against the doorframe. You don’t answer straight away, not sure if it might be some kind of test, but at least she doesn’t look overly annoyed that she has to repeat her question to get an answer.

“Pilot, mechanic, fucking janitor - whatever, honestly.” 

“Triple threat,” Her voice is even, but she’s fighting a smile that gives her away immediately. Not a test, then. “What kind of experience you got?”

Shara has to admit that the rumours of a surviving member of the Corellian spy ring had piqued her interest. Jet fuel runs in the blood there, it’s a safe bet that whoever the generals had spent the better part of forty eight hours grilling has more than enough experience to hop straight into a starfighter. And with heavy losses in recent months, pilots are something the Rebellion is desperately short on. 

So she isn’t shocked when you start listing every planetside transport, every planet hopper, cargo freighter, gunship, and starfighter you’ve ever worked on or flown. The list is extensive, impressive honestly. It dwarfs the experience of many of her colleagues, and Shara can’t help the thrum of excitement in her veins. Not only are you an experienced pilot, but you’re a mechanic - a scrapper, the rebels need more scrappers. Too many politicians, too many people who are far too used to having every resource in the galaxy at their disposal. It’s a glimmer of hope, she realises, in a night becoming all too dark for anyone’s liking.

“So, you can fly anything?” Shara asks, no longer hiding the wide grin on her face.

“Anything.”

You’ll fit right in, she decides - there and then.

And you do, you slot in like you’ve lived your whole life orbiting Yavin.

They drill you like there’s no tomorrow, you’ve got the deep muscle aches to prove it but it’s thrilling. Your back hurts and it’s everything you ever wanted it to be. Where the Corellian spy ring was all sneaking and secrets, the Rebel base on Yavin IV is a full scale production. Every daylight hour is spent running the same manoeuvres in the main four fighters - before you know it, you could fly any one of them with your eyes closed. Despite the pain and the exhaustion and the repetitive nature of the training, you love it. But you’ve got your eyes on the prize.

A coveted position in one of the primary starfighter squadrons has conveniently opened up, its previous placeholder reassigned, and you’re not the only one who’s sure that the fourth bunk in Green Squadron’s barracks has your name on it.

“I know I don’t see you coming for my track time.” Shara Bey’s voice is loud and clear over the buzz of the hangar, and you can’t keep the smile off your face despite the ache deep in your bones.

“Maybe I am, are you finally gonna do something about it?”

Shara launches herself at you the moment you set your datapad down, a boisterous laugh echoing off the ships. You’re steadily climbing the ranks in training, the years of experience already under your belt make you more confident in the cockpit than the other new recruits and you’re not afraid to pull a stunt or two. A flawless dead drop recovery had earned more than a few nods of approval from some of the qualified pilots. Although the Commander overseeing the recruit training made it clear that it was definitely what landed you with patrol maintenance duty on top of your usual drills in the first place.

“I talked to Draven.” She says, and your stomach flips. You’re leaps and bounds ahead of the other recruits, for sure, but nobody seems to want to sign off on your training. There’s always something about required hours or simulation times or more drills. You’re starting to get the feeling that, while you’ve got enough support from your would-be colleagues, no one in command wants you in the air at all.

“I told you I would!”

“I know, I know. But look, if I ask it’s more like an endorsement.”

“Shara-” You’re talking over one another, but not missing a single word. It’s a talent that leaves the commanding officers astounded more often than not.

“He said he’d think about it, which in command language means no-” 

“Tell me there’s a but.”

“But,” She grins widely, “He told me if you get this next info grab done, he’ll put in a good word with my commanders. And my commanders know I’m not going in the air unless you’re at my nine o’clock.”

Shara’s been far more welcoming than just about everyone since the moment she’d rocked up to your interrogation room and asked about your experience. And, over the moon to find you wandering around the halls and out of the binders, she’d spent the whole of your first night curled up in your bunk in the recruit barracks - recounting every little bit of drama she could think of. By the morning, you know who was dating who, who wasn’t happy about it, which crews were rivals, and which held the fastest course runs. Hers, obviously . 

You weren’t as forthcoming with your own journey, only mentioning that you’d run with some rebels for a while on your home planet, made a few detours along the way - she didn’t seem too surprised, and you wondered how much of that she knew already. Ran’s voice, still, in the back of your mind reminding you that everybody has an agenda . But her eyes were so open, so kind, you’ve yet to see that slip. Shara Bey might be the first genuinely good person you’ve ever met.

“And Kes’s crew is due to swing by tomorrow, in case you’ve changed your mind.” She winks, although she already knows you well enough to know you won’t take her up on the offer.

It had come up that first night, somewhere along the way, when she’d started lamenting about the pitiful state of the dating pool. Not something she had to worry about anymore, thank God, but a nightmare nowadays if you were after anyone who didn’t have history with someone in their own crew. She was happy to get her boyfriend to set you up with one of his friends - Pathfinders, never on base long enough to establish a history with anyone, fine enough to pass the time, and strong enough to manhandle you a little. If that’s what you’re into. 

You’d still been a little wary of sharing too many details about your history, something about how you weren’t interested muttered in the dark over the quiet breathing of the other new recruits. You could only tell her that you didn’t expect to see him again. He’d gone home, you didn’t even know where home was. She’d understood, with an arm around your shoulders and an attentive ear if you ever wanted to share more, although she made it clear that the offer of a muscular pair of emotionally unattached Pathfinder arms was always open.

It’s close to a year since you got scooped up by their spies for asking about the Rebellion, but Shara’s never failed to make it seem like much longer. Like you’ve been best friends, sharing lunches and secrets on the landing pad in the shade of her A-Wing for your whole lives. Even now, she’s looking at you like she knows you - backwards, forwards, sideways, inside out. Truth be told, she kind of does. It’s a closeness you’re sure you’ve never had with anyone, and you know you wouldn’t give it up for anything.

“Someone came here last week having never left his planet before and they put him on the training roster. You’ve logged more flight time than any recruit I’ve ever seen and we didn’t even have to teach you in the first place. I know you’re Draven’s golden child, but he can’t keep you on the ground forever, kid.”

“You can’t call me ‘kid’, I’m older than you.” You laugh, shoving her shoulder with your own.

“You’re ruining the moment.” She winks, pressing a kiss to your temple before she waves at a commander calling her name and makes her way to her ship.

The datapad beeps a reminder from its resting place on your tool trolley, you need to pack for your intel grab. It shouldn’t be a long trip, Draven had assured you, a simple in and out: information in exchange for protection and transport to the base. Protection and transport optional. He makes the hard decisions, you’ve learned during your time running the smaller missions for intelligence. The more important runs get given to rebels like Cassian Andor and the group of mercs you’d seen filing into the command room a few days ago. It was an odd combination, seeing people like that somewhere like this, and you know you shouldn’t have stared but you couldn’t help yourself. Weapons strapped to every empty space on each body, armour and clothes on a number of species from all across the galaxy. One of them had looked jarringly like you, although you hadn’t really gotten a good look at their face before they’d disappeared.

Just this mission, and you’d be in the air next week. Hopefully. It’s enough to get your feet moving towards the barracks to pack.

You only need the basics, a change of clothes and some medkit refills. Just in case. Except there’s still an empty space when you zip it shut, sitting heavy between your neatly folded shirts and the top of the bag, and you keep looking at your blanket. It gets cold in hyperspace, a voice in the back of your mind pipes up, and you decide that’s good enough reason as any to fold it in alongside your supplies. It smells solidly of the clean soap of your bedsheets, his scent - Din’s scent, a mix of metal and warmth - had faded before you even plucked up the courage to go looking for the Rebellion, all those months ago. You still hold it to your nose for a moment, just to check, before it too gets folded and laid in the top of your pack.

Now you’re ready.

Din isn’t overly fond of Nevarro. It’s not an unbearable heat, the dry plains are to thank for that, but he’s not a fan of days where the wind picks up and carries the sulphur of the lava fields under the lip of his helmet. The covert welcomed him back, more or less with open arms - though he’s not sure if their ever-dwindling numbers might have had anything to do with the warm reception. He hadn’t let them go without a cut of his pay for every job he’d done for Ran, always sending something back to the foundlings, so at least he hadn’t totally abandoned them. The Armourer decided he should be their beroya , their bounty hunter, and within days he found himself tracking a quarry in a system he’d never heard of. It was easy, really, to take the skills he’d garnered all his life and apply them to this. Paz had laughed with the familiarity of an old friend and told him that if a skinny thing like Din was their beroya , they were all fucked. So at least no one was openly angry that he’d left them.

The guild rep slides a puck across the table, metal scraping against the stone, and the blue hologram flickers. The human man staring back at him is unassuming, but the notes suggest otherwise. A former senator’s assistant, with strong connections to both the Empire and the Rebellion. Din nods, flicking the puck off and tucking it into his pocket without another word.

His loyalty is to the covert, to the Mandalorians. It always has been and it always will be. This is the way. But one mention of the Rebellion has his mind surging back to thoughts of you. Everything in his life seems to. Every time he sets foot on the Crest all he can see is you, bent double with your head in an access panel and a greasy rag tucked into the back of your pants. He’d see the sun and remember how you always used to turn your face to it, just for a moment, whenever the team ran jobs planetside. You’d never told him where you came from, but Ran had let bits and pieces slip over the years. In the looming shadow of the Razor Crest, Din wonders if you ever made it off the station. If you decided to drop everything and find the rebellion, the way you said you would when you were half asleep on his chest, your mind fucked out and hazy. He hopes you did.

The tracking fob brings him to a semi populated planet, somewhere near the border of the Unknown Regions. Vast swathes of land and water are completely uncolonised, left to nature, only a few cities dotted here and there over the whole planet. The bounty is evidently in possession of some brains, having chosen a mid-sized city to get lost in, and Din is almost disappointed that he knows it won’t take long. Wishes he’d picked a different puck, a little further away. Just to keep his mind occupied and out of more dangerous territories.

He stays vigilant, but pays no mind to the beeping of the fob on his belt. He can steal a moment, he thinks, to take in the area. To live the life of some extravagant explorer in his mind while he does a little recon, the life he might have led before it was cruelly snatched away in seconds on Aq Vetina. The last thing he expects to see when he walks into that crumbling little cantina is you.

Din spins on his heel and is out of the door almost as soon as he enters, slipping down the alley to the side of the building to catch his breath. He’s fairly sure you don’t notice - but his mind is reeling, echoes of the vows he swore as a child and the Armourer’s words swirl in his ears.

His loyalty is to the covert. His loyalty is to the covert. His loyalty is to the covert. 

But he only sees you. The way you always had time for him back on the station, how you told the others where they could shove it but always gave him a smile. You went above and beyond to help him without complaint when he asked, only ever got snippy with him when someone else had pissed you off first. He still remembers the way you felt in his hands, how you sounded, how you tasted. He still thinks about it on quiet nights, more often than he should. This is not the place to remember, there’ll be time for that later, although his body needs another minute to be completely convinced.

All he feels is guilt, once the blood comes back up to his brain. Guilt over the covert, over his vows and his creed and his people. But what’s more convincing is the guilt he has over you. Over how he just walked away, left you sleeping, and took the ship you’d spent months working on. Even if you were the one who told him to take it. You’re beautiful, still. Of course you are, you always have been to him. 

You notice when he walks in this time.

The sunlight streaming in from a window catches on the glass of his visor and your heart jumps into your throat. You don’t know if he’s spotted you yet, as he takes a seat at a table by the door angled away from you. Logically, you’d say it could be any Mandalorian. But you spent countless hours studying the way he moves, you had to know his gait to know if walking around a corner would get you killed or not. It almost had on more than one occasion. You could recognise his footsteps anywhere.

The untrained eye would think him relaxed, as relaxed as a man in head to toe armour can be, but you know better. There’s a tension in his shoulders, the same he used to get when Xi’an made another move on him with that grating giggle or Qin handled a blaster too roughly. His hand sits on his thigh, fingers splayed, ready to find the smooth contours of his blaster at any moment. Ever the soldier, never quite at ease. Apart from the last time you thought you’d ever see him, it seemed.

He leaves before you’re even done with your drink, sitting there for barely five minutes when he throws a couple of credits on the table for a drink he didn’t buy and stalks out. You sigh and down the rest of your drink, hoping it’ll quell the nausea rising in your stomach. It doesn’t, but you follow him out all the same.

You’re sure you were right behind him, weaving through the slowly emptying streets as the sun sets and the chill of the night begins to settle in, but now he’s nowhere to be found. Until you feel a set of eyes land heavily on your shoulders. You turn, slowly, and catch a glimpse of where he ducked into a narrow alley. The city’s full of them, but you’re certain he hadn’t been there when you passed it.

A long moment passes when you’re swallowed by the shadow of the buildings towering either side of you, a moment where he just watches you. You can’t deny you’re watching him too, carefully surveying his armour for new nicks and scrapes. There’s more than you’d like to admit to caring about.

“What are you doing here?” He breaks the silence, the tension, first. You shrug. 

“Working, what are you doing here?”

Din holds a small round disk in his palm, arm stretching out towards you as the holo flickers to life and you’re faced with your contact for the intel drop.

“Working.”

Fuck.

And that’s when a really, really bad idea starts to take shape.

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