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wqlfstqr · 3 years

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◟𖥻 ♡⃕ ៹ ·˚ ༘ ◡̈ she wasn't you ཿ remus lupin

▰▰▰ pairing(s): young!remus lupin x fem!reader, young!james potter x fem!reader (platonic)

summary: remus realizes that he was looking for y/n in other people

warning: a little jealousy ig, probably some grammar mistakes since english is not my first language :)

a/n: this is my first post and is honestly such a mess, I didn't even know what I was writing half of the time but I really liked the result so here ya go!!

words count: 1868

slightly inspired by this scene from secret admirer

ㅤㅤㅤy/n had always loved hogsmeade, especially in snowy times, there was something about the town that used to made her very happy and excited about the days they were allowed to visit the place. However, that saturday morning she wasn't as thrilled about the trip as always, and she was even willing to stay at bed all day while her friends went to have fun.

“cmon, you never miss an oportunity to go to hogsmeade” pleaded james while the girl covered herself with blankets up to the neck

“y'know what they say, there's always a first time for everything” she shrugged.

“is this about remus?” potter ventured to ask, making the girl freeze in her spot.

“what about remus?” she asked back, trying to act nonchalantly, the boy raised his eyebrowns at her in pure disbelief.

“I know that you know that he has a date, y/n/n” he said cautiously, waiting to see the reaction of his best friend, who hid further under the sheets as a response

"really? didn't know, guess people find out new things every day huh” she kept acting like she didn't know, like that wasn't the reason she was in bed at two in the afternoon, but she was a pretty bad liar and the way james knew her, probably better than anyone, didn't help at all

“listen to me y/n, I know that you fancy him and I know it's been like this for a while but this is probably for the better” james sighned, sitting on the edge of his bed, where she was laying with the covers covering most of her face “I love moony, and i'm very happy for him, but you deserve more than being sad in bed for someone that doesn't see how amazing you are”

y/n poked her head out of the covers, a very little smile crossing her face as she extended her arms towards james who quickly understood and took her in his own arms, hugging her and stroking her tousled hair with a smile. she felt safe, she always felt safe being with james, as if her worries were silly and there was nothing in the world that could hurt her.

“I still don't want to go to hogsmeade” she mumbled, her face hiding in the crook of his neck “I appreciate what you're doing for me, really, but I just want to sleep and forget about all this, just for today”

“then I'll stay with you” james replied, laying down and dragging y/n with him, determined not to let her go.

“but you should go, you deserve some fun and peter and sirius are waiting for you, you guys probably had a lot of plans for today.” she babbled, shoking her head.

“I'm pretty sure they can survive a few hours without me” james insisted and y/n knew he wasn't going to give up.

“can they? 'cause I bet sirius would die after fifteen minutes without you” she said jokingly, closing her eyes with a smile peeking out of her face as she heard james laughing

“he can figure how to survive just for today, I'm not gonna leave you alone drowning in your own misery” he joked, but the determination was clear in his voice.

y/n didn't bother to reply, knowing he would keep insisting, James Potter was for sure stubborn as hell and once he had proposed something, it was impossible to get the idea out of his head. So she sighned and, without talking more, she made herself comfortable in his arms, her eyes still closed as the world began to disappear around her and a feeling of peace started settling in her chest as the minutes passed slowly.

“shut up, you're gonna wake them up" sirius' voice flooded y/n's ears, followed by the sound of a door being opened

"no need, you already did" replied peter watching at the bed where his two friends were laying.

indeed, y/n began to slowly open her eyes while letting out a small yawn but remus was too frozen in his place to even react to that, a very strange feeling hitting his stomach as his head replayed over and over the scene his own eyes had witnessed seconds before; y/n laying on top of James, her face hidden in his chest while the boy hugged her around the waist, both of them fast asleep over the messy sheets.

“hey guys, how was hogsmeade?” she said, releasing herself from james's grasp to sit next to him, a tired smile crossing her face as she watched the other three marauders.

“it was pretty boring withou-” peter's sentence was left unfinished and the words lost in the air as remus spoke above him.

“we spend the whole afternoon looking for you two” he looked angry and y/n's tiredness disappeared quickly, being remplaced with surprise at the actitude of the boy.

“the hell's happening?” muttered james, his voice sounding sleepy as he narrowed his eyes at his friends

“we can ask you the same question" replied remus bitterly “did you even think how bloody worried we were?”

“moony what the fuck, It wasn't a big deal, we just fell asleep.” james was still half asleep, maybe too much to deal with the situation.

“you know what, prongs? I just remembered we bought a bunch of stuff from zonko's” sirius was fast to intervene, walking towards potter's bed “why don't we go watch it? I thought we could think of some way to use them”

before james could even respond, sirius lifted him completely out of bed and dragged him to the door, james tripping over his own feet while trying to walk on his own as peter didn't waste time following them. y/n got up too, with the intention of following them but sirius quickly closed the door before she could even get to it.

she understood the message very clear, exhaling before she turned to look at the only boy left; remus put his hands to his own face to hide behind them, letting out an exasperated sigh. the girl approached him quietly without saying anything, the two of them falling in a silence for some very long minutes.

“what happened to you?” she hesitated before asking, eyeing him with discretion.

“do you like him?” the answer was obviusly not expected by y/n, who seemed to have been taken by surprise “I mean james, do you like him?”

“what are you talking about?” she laugned with disbelief, but when she saw how serious remus was, she sighed “of course not”

“it's you who I like, prat” she wanted to tell him, but she bit her tongue just in time not to let go of anything that she would regret later, falling silent as she watched remus nooding slowly with his head.

“why do you care anyway” she questioned instead, crossing her arms under her chest.

“you two are my best friends, of course I care” y/n felt the disappointment roll her stomach at the answer. That was not the answer she was expecting.

“how was your date?” she quickly changed the subject, even though a part of her didn't want to know the answer.

“oh great, yeah, she's great” He rambled on, glancing at y / n sideways before speaking again “but...”

“but...” she encouraged, biting her lower lip while looking at the floor.

“but...” remus hesitated, scratching the back of his neck as a million thoughts ran through his head “she was great but she wasn't you”

she quickly raised her head, allowing remus a view of her tear-filled eyes but she didn't care about that, her biggest concern was the way her heart was starting to beat fast, almost as if it was treatening to jump off her chest in any moment.

“what do you mean?” she gulped, feeling a lump in her throat that didn't allow her to fully form the words.

“she was talking about all those things and she was really interesting you know? or so I thought, because I wasn't really paying attention” he admitted, shutting his eyes for a minute “I wasn't paying attention 'cause the only thing I could think about was that she wasn't you”

y/n had always liked remus, and she really didn't think anyone could blame her for it, was there really something not to like? Remus was pretty, kind and incredibly charming, he was a great friend, extremely smart and responsible when it was necessary but at the same time he could be so much fun when he was around the people he felt comfortable with. if anyone thought about the perfect human prototype, then the closest thing to that would have to be remus lupin.

so being there in that exact moment, standing in front of him after hearing what he had to say, she felt all the words get stuck in her throat as she locked eyes with him.

“it just wasn't what I thought it was supposed to be” he continued, feeling nervous as the time passed and there was no response from her “I expected her to be like... you.”

she had dreamed of situations similar to that for so long, she had waited for something like that for years and now that she had remus telling her all that, looking completely serious, she didn't know how to respond and that made her feel slightly frustrated, because she could see the desperation growing in lupin's eyes as time passed.

“I just want you to know that I don't expect you to feel the same, but I just can't keep it all to myself anymore” he kept babbling and was only interrumpted when y/n finally reacted.

and she did the only thing that crossed her mind, approaching him and pulling him by the collar of his shirt to bring their lips together in a kiss that caught remus off guard and he only reacted seconds later, realizing that everything was real and not just a product of his imagination; his shoulders relaxing as he raised one of his hands to her chin, the other hand resting on her waist. Their lips danced together for a few seconds, fitting perfectly, almost as if they were made for each other and everything around them disappeared, the world stopping its course during that moment.

“I don't like james” she repeated, as she had done minutes before, her breathing was agitated as she rested her forehead on his “I don't like him because I like you, you idiot”

remus smile grew while he leaned to give her a little peek on the lips, only to be interrumpted by a sniff coming from the entry of the room, the two of them quickly pulling apart to put their glances towards the place, only to find three people standing right there, each one with the same smile on their faces.

“well aren't you two adorable?” teased sirius, with a grin on his face.

“you guys seriously don't know boundaries, do you?" y/n asked, only realizing her mistake once she saw sirius smiling even more.

“we siriusly don't”

#remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x y/n #james potter x reader #harry potter #harry potter imagine #marauders imagine #remus lupin fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #remus lupin one shot

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thefallenbibliophilequote · 3 years

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This Love

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 11

"Timing is a funny thing"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 6,196

Warnings: angst, nightmares that include: panic attacks/catcall with a light fight, fluff finally!

A/N: I love this song so much! We are so close to the end! I got into a writer's block when I started this chapter, so it took me a while to get to writing it, and in the end it turned out into my favourite chapter that I have written! I hope you'll like it, comments are appreciated! Also, there is a literary reference here, if you notice it you're awesome!

A/N2: thank you @chrissquares for the beautiful dividers! And @nacho-bucky for beta reading!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

The darkness in your room was darker than you remembered. Usually when you were awoken in the middle of the night, it was because of Loki.

But now as you realized Loki wasn't in your room, you got up and walked sleepily to the hallway from your room, then you heard it- and you knew that the heavy footsteps you heard on the floor of the living room were not Loki's.

You held your breath, feeling the panic take over you but you refused to let whoever was in there hear your short intake of breath. Padding quickly into the bathroom, you closed the door and locked it.

Then you let yourself breathe.

The beat of your heart was ringing in your ears, you tried to breathe but all you could think about were the possibilities of whoever or even whatever is in your house right now. Loki had told you all about the magic of the universe, but you also saw him getting back from battles with nasty scars and he wouldn't tell you about the creatures that made them.

You looked around the room, which proved to be difficult when your watery eyes blurred your vision.

You forgot your phone, you couldn't call anyone. Fear took over you again, it felt as if you were drowning, your own tears were making you weak and you couldn't seem to control it.

Hiding yourself in the corner of the room, you took the first thing that resembled a weapon and held the hair straightener protectively as you made yourself as small as possible when the sounds outside of the door got louder.

All you wanted was for Loki to show up just in time and get you out of here.

The fear took over you yet again and the door was knocked down. All you saw was a blue creature at your door. You screamed in fear and your vision went dark, all you felt was fear.

•

Loki watched your body lying there motionless besides the minute movements behind your eyelids that he was sure only he and the supersoldiers could see. Doctor Cho and Doctor Banner were running every test they could on you. It wasn't long before they figured out what Hydra did to you.

Barnes was the first one to figure it out. He was stuck inside his own mind for so long, he saw you going through the same thing. But for you, for you they trapped you using your own powers against you. Capturing you and keeping you awake by horrible emotions that you felt.

Loki stood next to you, wiping a tear that escaped down your cheek.

Sitting down at the edge of the white bed you were lying on, he tried to calm his nerves enough to leave his physical form and feel you, feel your powers, search for a way in.

And he found you there, just barely within reach. He could almost touch you, he could feel your powers caressing his own- that was before he was thrown back into his own body with such force that he regretted giving you such powers.

"I gave them to you, and now you won't let me in?" he grumbled and rubbed his eyes. He looked at you bitterly, but no it was not at you but rather your aura that surrounded you, your powers keeping you in place- supposedly trying to keep you safe.

All he wanted to do was to keep you safe, that was why he got here in the first place. He knew though, he knew that this love he has for you will eventually overpower any ancient spell there could be. He couldn't doubt it.

Your love died and was brought alive back from the dead, fate brought you back to him like the tides, and now currents swept you out again from his reach but you said so many goodbyes before that surely you will say hello again. He held onto that hope. Hope was such a ruinous thing, he never dreamed of having it or accepting it into his life.

When he was in the darkest of places, with the most horrid torment being forced upon him- you were the one thing that kept him sane even when you weren't there. You were the permanent mark on his heart that no torture could wipe off.

And now he was sitting right next to you, and he couldn't help ease the torment that you were in.

So he sat next to you, his fingers on your temples as he tried to somehow reach you, if merely for a moment. But all he got was resistance, and he was growing tired.

"Loki? Cho wants to run some tests." He saw the captain standing at the door, the bags under his eyes were dark and noticeable even for a super soldier. "Would you mind joining me?"

The captain tilted his head to outside, and Loki merely nodded.

•

Steve stood in front of the floor to ceiling windows in the common room, waiting as Loki came and looked outside next to him.

He was at a loss of words as they stood there in silence, not knowing how to approach the conversation. Steve knew his backstory, he knew what drove him to attack New York- but he still attacked it. The man who stood next to him was still the man who terrorized earth, brainwashed his friends, killed 80 people in 3 days, and hurt you twice. Steve wasn't there to protect you from the hurt the first time, but he was there the second time when he had to hold you in his arms.

Then you got taken away and Loki came back to help him, to get you back.

"Just say what you want to say, don't mewl it over." Loki simply said in his elegant but impatient voice. Was it impatient now, or nervous?

"Is there any progress in getting through to her?" Steve cleared his throat.

"As of right now, no there isn't. The witch is trying to lower her defenses but even she can't reach her." Loki knew his options, and for the slim chance that you would be okay and take him back- he knew he needed to be on the good side of the captain. He wasn't one to reveal his thoughts and intentions, but he knew the captain means a lot to you, and for you he would do anything. "I am still trying, Captain. I'm not going to stop until… we get her back."

He kept looking forward even when he felt Steve's gaze turning to look at him. He let Steve analyze his words, and then he matched his gaze. It was quiet before Steve spoke up again.

"Thank you."

"I'm certain that if we have one thing in common it's that both of us would do anything for her. I recognize my mistake of leaving her." He leaned away from the window pane when the captain turned to face him.

"While I appreciate the help, Loki, I had to sit with her while she cried after you left her. Hurt her again, and I assure you that not even Thor will be able to protect you from me."

Seeing the dark look in Steve's eyes made Loki want to scoff at Captain America's threat, but he couldn't blame him. Watching you cry the first time almost made him stay.

"I already deserve worse, so I won't fight you if that were to happen." With his hands clasped behind his back he, with certainty, stated. "It won't."

Then he went around the captain back to the room you were in.

•

With a reluctant and a little frightened Helen Cho, Loki brought you back to your room, enchanted the door shut and put your limp form on the bed, with your back on the headboard and your head lightly lulled back onto a pillow he put behind it.

Sitting next to you, he took both of your hands in his and suddenly he got reminded of that fateful night in your apartment when he held you scared in the dark.

He let his green light shine and he saw a soft purple aura surround your body. He closed his eyes and tried to reach you.

Focusing on the feeling of you, touching him with your aura, he let you take his all.

Then your head fell onto his shoulder and he saw you.

You were in a crowded street, walking towards where Loki stood now watching you.

You faltered in your step and looked to your right when you heard the sentence that was uttered by a guy that was half leaning on a red building brick, blocking the passage of a blonde girl who tried to step away from his frame.

"Oh come on, don't play coy, you wouldn't have worn this tight outfit if you didn't want the attention." His smirk disgusted you and you changed your pace to go to where they were standing.

"I told you to go away." She replied to him, but he didn't budge.

"Sweetheart lighten up, I'm complimenting you, so come on got a smile for me?"

"Hey, she told you to back off so back the hell off and stay away from her!" he laughed at you.

"Maybe you should stay out of this conversation, I am talking to the pretty girl here-" he sent a hand to grab her arm but before he could catch it you threw him back and twisted his arm.

"Do not touch her." Your voice was dark, and while Loki didn't know what he was seeing, he couldn't help but smile at your actions. You pushed him back and muttered, "I really wish the worst for you."

Thinking it would get him to go away, you were about to turn to see if the girl was alright when you felt pain in your stomach as the man hit you and threw you onto the curve where people cleared away from the fight. You looked up at him and you felt something different inside you, it was probably the adrenaline. But the second your eyes met his, you watched his eyes go wide and he started to let out screams, they never stopped, you never stopped looking at him. He fell to the floor, curling in on himself and you went to stand up.

The feeling inside you was strange now, you could feel the anger subside and now you watched him still breathing hard on the floor.

"Stop it, stop it- please." He tried to look up at you, your heartbeat sped up and you felt sick- Was he talking to you? He looked up at you and tears were on his face.

You looked around at the people that where watching you and suddenly like dominos they began to sink down onto the floor, crying and shuddering. Your heartbeat got faster with each scream you heard and they only got louder.

"What is happening?" your voice was shaking and you couldn't move.

Loki realized what scene he was looking at in your life, then he watched the girl in the black suit next to you, she seemed to hold her own against the pain that he knew you affected her with and she pulled out a black device. He recognized her, but he knows you didn't so he didn't put his attention on her.

He went back and looked at you, going forward to try and calm you down but before he could touch you, you collapsed on the floor and he was sent back and out of your dream.

"Please stop this, I don't know what's happening." He heard you cry from a distance.

•

Steve sat in the kitchen alone with a cup of hot tea. It was hard for him to see you that way and being so helpless because he couldn't help you. So he tried to stay away. But as he stared down at the mug, he couldn't help but think about the first time he met you.

Steve was walking out of the elevator at the ground floor of the Stark tower with a file in his hand, he looked up and saw four men with weapons surrounding a girl in civilian clothes and Sharon walked with her. When the blonde saw Steve she dismissed the guards and walked towards him with the girl.

Steve studied you now that you weren't blocked from his view. Your y/h/c hair fell lightly on your face and he noticed you keeping your eyes down on the ground even when you were near him already.

"Hey Steve, did you get updated on the new mission?" Sharon asked him and when he nodded she saw him looking at you partially.

"Yeah, I did."

"This is Y/N. Y/N, meet Steve." Steve put out his hand to shake your hand and it took you a moment before you raised your hand to his.

"Hi." You said to him and when you finally looked up at him he sent you a smile.

"What are you doing here with Sharon?" Steve didn't ask about the guards and he tried to maintain eye contact with you, it seems to be a struggle for you.

"Oh, she just-" you looked over at the agent looking for some help but she only nodded at you. "Found me, I accidentally ruined her operation and she took me here to- to help me."

You hated the way your voice stuttered, then again you couldn't really blame yourself, your day took a turn you weren't expecting, you didn't even know what happened.

Steve's eyes proved to be nothing but comforting though.

"Well, is there anything I can help you with?" you began to shake your head and Steve thought he lost you when you looked back at the floor, shutting your eyes for a bit.

Heavy steps came behind Sharon then.

"Agent 13, we need to get the girl to the lab now, she cannot be here." He heard the guard say and saw you flinch momentarily at his voice and the weapon he held. He did not like that reaction.

"Everything is fine here. I'll protect her." He straightened up and looked at the guard.

"She doesn't need protection captain, she needs to be contained." He chuckled but Steve's features stayed stern.

"The captain said we are okay here." Sharon dismissed the guard.

She started to take you away and towards the elevators when Steve stopped her.

"It's alright, I'll walk with you Y/N is that okay?" he smiled when you looked up at him and nodded.

"Yes, thank you Steve." Sharon told you that she will come to check on you in the lab later, and you entered the elevator with Steve.

"Don't you have other stuff you should be doing?" you asked him, breaking the silence and he laughed.

"Maybe, but you seem much nicer."

"He was right though, he was there to protect other people from me."

"Well," he turned to you with a slight smirk. "I don't know what happened but I doubt you are going to hurt me, besides- I'm sure I can take you down myself."

You scoffed at him, suddenly forgetting about what made you end up in this situation.

"Well how can you be so sure? I can be dangerous when I want to be."

"Is that so? I do not think so." You raised an eyebrow.

"What if I am a super assassin? You can't know!"

"I'll still win."

"Oh fuck off." You huffed at him but a small smile played on your lips.

"Language!" he said and silence took over the small elevator as you looked at him in shock and he looked at you, before you started laughing at him, unable to control yourself.

Steve let himself smile a bit as you laughed beside him.

•

You didn't know where you were. All you knew was the pain in your heart and the rain drenching you as water surrounded you. You were drowning and it was never ending.

The wet wood of the ship floor under you turned ever so darker in the midst of the storm and rain. You looked around you only to see nothing but rushing waves you tried to shout for help but it came out as silent screams with the sound of the thunder, the sinking ship you were trapped on tilted to the side as you tried to get to the top of the deck.

You clung to the closest wooden poll you could find, trying to get to the figurehead on the deck when the ship rattled and tilted as it sank farther.

Then you saw him.

"Loki!" you called out to him, momentary relief flooded you when he showed up just in time. You tried to reach out to him, grab his hand when he offered his hand forward, but it was out of reach.

"Jump to me, I'll catch you." You heard him tell you, you clung to the poll before taking a leap and reaching out as much as you could for him.

But you couldn't reach him, and he let you fall. You didn't know what pained your heart more. But all you felt was pain.

•

Loki lied in your bed. He had taken over it while you were in the med bay for the last couple of days. It wasn't a question, and he was not one to ask permission.

He tried to get some sleep, tossing and turning, there was always a new struggle sleeping through the night when you weren't next to him. He turned to face your side of the bed. You weren't there but he still smiled to the ghost of you. Sometimes in a flicker of light he thought he could see you, but you were still gone.

You were laying in bed with Loki, turning out the lights and then jumping back on the bed, getting under the covers and cuddling to Loki, putting your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"So, you still haven't answered me."

"My response is clear then." He shrugged off and you playfully slapped his shoulder.

"I am really asking, we have been dating for a long time now and my birthday is soon so don't you think I deserve it?"

"You can't play the birthday card with me, darling." He chuckled into your hair and planted a kiss there. "How do you even remember that? It was so long ago and it is just nonsense."

"You said that you will take me one day for a ball in Asgard, now I am taking you on your word. That silver tongue of yours that got you me will also be the one to take you down. I want an Asgardian ball." You poked his chest

"I said that I will one day, I did not specify when, so I am well within my rights to turn your request down, darling. You should know better than to argue with a trickster god." He poked your side which made you giggle. "We have an eternity together, why rush it?"

You looked up at him and the love in his eyes seemed to glow in the dark room. You only smiled at him.

"What's in that pretty little head of yours, petal?" he stroked your arm and looked down at you.

"I feel like I'm falling in love with you all over again." You whispered.

"You're already in love with me." He chuckled and nudged his nose with yours.

"I fell in love with you once, I can and will fall in love with you again." He couldn't help the grin on his face, oh the things you did to him.

"Well then, I'll always catch you when you fall."

•

Loki was back where he started, in the cold med bay. He wasn't cold of course but he saw the goose bumps on your skin.

"I'll get you out of there, petal." He brushed his thumb across your cheek when yet another tear slipped.

He leaned in to kiss your cheek before he cradled your face in his hands, focusing on your energy yet again.

You were in your apartment with your head down as you listened to Loki talk more and more.

"I just can't understand why are you leaving me like this?" you lifted your teary gaze to look at him, but he was cold.

"Mortals are so naïve," he darkly huffed at you. "Did you really think you meant something to me? Pathetic."

"We had such a good time together, you're my best friend, my lover and I-"

"I am none of those, it was simply interesting to study the humans, to pass the time with one of them. But you're not interesting anymore."

"So, you're just throwing me away? You promised you'll stay with me!" you sniffed, trying to wipe the tears away but they just kept pouring. He was breaking your heart like all the other promises he made and you couldn't find any emotion in his eyes. "Have you ever even loved me?"

"No." it was a simple word, and you hated the small smile on his face. "I'm just being honest with you now, don't you think that is rather kind of me? I am a god after all, and you're just a puny mortal, a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore me and think it is returned."

"You're not being nice, Loki, no. you're just being so casually cruel in the name of being honest." You fell to your knees, with a new fresh wave of tears.

Loki stood behind you as he watched all of the things that are being said to you- from him, you think he is saying those things. You were on your knees in front of him, believing he could ever hate you.

You were paralyzed in time, frozen by his words. You couldn't stop the tears, you've never felt this hurt. It felt like the room was filled with invisible smoke.

Then you felt a hand on your shoulder, grabbing you fiercely. You dropped the hands from your face, hopeful Loki will take you back. But when you looked up, he was still standing, sneering at you. You felt a new wave of pain but then the hand on your shoulder tightened and you turned back to see-

"Loki?" your voice was low and it almost broke his heart.

"Yes my love, I'm here you're okay." You turned your head and saw Loki still standing above you.

"I'm sorry Loki, please stay with me, you're all I have." You cried to him, then the hand on your shoulder turned you around fully and you saw Loki yet again, he was crouching down next to you.

"No, don't listen to him. I love you, I'll always love you. You have to believe me, I will get you out of this- you are not alone anymore." You shook your head at his words, your head was feeling fuzzy.

"No, you hate me." You said it with certainty. And Loki had to clench his jaw, he needed to treat this delicately if he wanted to get you out.

"Don't listen to what he said, he is not real. I'm sorry I left you, but it's different now, just let me show you." Loki begged to any gods out there that your powers will let him get through to you and alter them. He put his fingers on your temples, closing his eyes for a second, he focused on you- fighting every barrier your mind was posing in front of him.

When he finally found you, you could suddenly breathe again despite still having a headache. You looked around you and saw you were now in a different living room. You looked back and the other Loki was gone, the only Loki was the one in front of you and looked at you with so many emotions in his blue eyes.

"Loki, what is-" you still felt another pain in your chest and Loki was back at getting through to you.

"Let me show you why this is different," he gestured to all the people you saw laughing and having conversation on the couches in the room. "You have me now, I'm not going anywhere. And you have a family now."

One guy on the sofa suddenly raised his beer towards you and smiled at you.

His name is Steve. You knew him. You smiled back at him a bit.

Then you heard a small laugh followed by a giggle.

Her name is Natasha, and that's Wanda next to her.

New tears streamed down your face.

"I don't understand." You looked to Loki, who was now standing up.

"You have a family now, and you have me and I'll never leave you alone." He extended his hand to you, looking down at where you still sat on the ground. "Come back to me, love."

You kept looking at him, and then back at the people who seemed more and more familiar.

You took his hand and slowly you got up, he was right beside you, holding you up.

Now that you were standing and could see him better, he looked like the Loki you knew, the real one.

"Help me hold onto you." You begged.

"I'll catch you, just come back to me."

With another step you fell forward onto his chest, the next second it was gone and your eyes blew wide when you rose up from the bed you were in.

Before you could get your bearings, still in shock, you felt Loki's comforting embrace take you.

"You came back to me." His voice was but a whisper murmured before he lightly kissed your cheek. You noticed his heaving breath matched your shocked one.

Your mind couldn't wrap up around where you were or what was happening, but all you knew for certain now was that Loki was here with you, holding you, and so you knew you were safe.

•

"So that was all me?" you asked Loki.

He nodded and still kept you close to his chest for comfort, he didn't know whose.

"What they did to you, I assure you they will pay for it. Each and every one of them will know that they should not have laid a single hand on you, my love."

He sealed it with a kiss to your forehead. But you didn't respond to it, still lost in your own head.

"No. It was all me, my powers did that." He took your hand in his and traced circles with his thumb on the back of your palm.

"Your powers are my fault." He admitted, Loki let the feeling of your skin on him ground him before he said the next words, "That night a long time ago, I casted an ancient spell on you- to protect you- but I must have got something wrong or I didn't think about how it would affect a human, and now you got the powers."

"I know, Loki. They used your wand to control my powers so I assumed my Asgardian powers were related to you." You then, to Loki's dismay, lifted yourself up on one elbow and looked sternly at the god in front of you. "You protected me, don't you dare blame yourself. Not even a bit."

You were met with a smile, his clear blue eyes were caressing you softly like water.

"What?"

"I missed you." He leaned up to reach you. "You came back to me."

You looked at your entwined hands.

"You are the one who came back to me, into my life." Loki kissed you shortly when a cough came from the door.

Steve stood there with wide eyes, and his hands clasped together. For his huge form he looked so little. You sent a smile to Loki who reluctantly got up from the bed and walked past the captain.

Once the door was closed Steve rushed to you as you got up from the bed and walked to him, meeting him halfway. He enveloped you in his tight embrace, you wrapped your hands around his neck and let him hold you, and you could feel yourself being slightly lifted from the ground.

You let your tears fall, you didn't know you needed to cry until he hugged you, you missed his comfort.

"I am so glad you're okay, I was so afraid," He said, and you could hear the strain in his voice.

"I was too, but now I'm here." You remembered flashes of what Loki showed you when you were stuck in your head. "I'm home, with my family."

He nodded and pulled you back to look at you.

"You are, of course you are Y/N- you're with me." You smiled, he wiped the tears from your face, and you put your head on his chest. "Kid, you mean so much to me, you know that right?"

"I do, and you mean a lot to me too, old man." He tickled your side and you laughed.

"That is not a way to talk to your elders."

The two of you swayed, you were still cradled in his arms when he broke the comforting silence. You could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"He is okay." You pulled back and looked into his eyes- he was serious.

"Really?" he closed his eyes and nodded with a groan. "I can't believe it- my big brother and my boyfriend getting along. And all I had to do was get tortured."

"Y/N, don't push it." You shrugged him off and went back to use his chest as a pillow.

"Oh give me a break, my ex kidnapped me." You could feel him glaring at you at the comment. "Sorry."

•

After sitting with all of your friends, you went back to your room, not surprised to see Loki lying on your bed, all ready to go to sleep.

"You could've joined us. I heard you and Steve talked. It would have been nice if you were with me." You changed from your clothes, Loki had healed your physical scars already, but you could still feel them.

"I figured you would want time with them, with your family." He stretched a hand out to you as you got onto the bed and under the covers.

"Well, are you-"

"Yes. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." You leaned in to kiss him before settling on your side next to him, facing him.

"You still didn't actually tell me why you left in the first place. You changing colours is not an excuse." You smiled a bit teasingly, his eyes left yours then- afraid of your reaction. "Tell me."

You asked him and he had to obey.

"Just before I left you, right before Thor's coronation,"

"Yeah I remember we talked about it, you said it'll be soon."

"Yes, well I decided to test how worthy he is of being a king, and then it turned into something bigger that I couldn't control and-" he stopped to take a breath, you put a hand on his cold cheek. "Then I found out I am actually a frost giant, a monster. Don't say I'm not, my love, let me finish."

You stayed silent and let him continue, tracing patterns on his skin, where you remembered the markings on his blue skin were.

"After that, I knew I had to let you go- to keep you safe. And with everything that happened afterwards- everything I went through- I don't regret leaving you when I did. It was the right choice."

You tried not to get overwhelmed by the new information he was giving you, and while it hurt- at least he told you, and you could somewhat understand.

"You didn't have to break my heart when you left."

"I'm a monster, Y/N you don't know what my kind is like." He raised his eyes to yours now.

"It doesn't matter at all, you are your own person- well god- you are Loki. You are mischievous and funny, cunning and loyal to those who are worthy of knowing you. I still know you Loki, and you are not bad- you're good. The fact that you hide it doesn't mean you're not."

He lowered his eyes again, and you knew he was holding himself together now, but you didn't push it. Apparently you weren't the only one who went through a lot. You knew there was so much more to his story, but that was for another night.

"Darling, we separated all those years ago, and it might have been for the best. I never thought I'd see you again." He brought you closer and held your chin so you will look up at him. "But timing is a funny thing; sometimes you never know what will find its way back to you again, so maybe now the timing is right. Maybe we weren't meant to be back then. The timing back then wasn't right, but maybe now, after we both grew, the timing is right."

You couldn't help but smile at him while you pondered his words.

"So, did you write that all down? Or was it just off the top of your head?" you teased and he laughed, you could swear that it was glowing in the dark.

"You're forgetting my silver tongue, dear." He smiled brightly at you and wondered what he could possibly have done right for him to have you in his arms again. "All I'm saying is- maybe these hands had to let it go free, so now at the right time you, my love, came back to me."

You knew those smiles and those laughs were reserved just for you, in the intimate moments where he let all of his guards down, and found his old happy self, when the two of you were alone.

"I love you Loki, so much." You connected your lips for just a moment and let yourself relish in the warm feeling that swept through your body as the soft touch. "This love that I have with you left a permanent mark on my heart, Loki I'm forever yours."

"I assure you then, my love, that it is returned. I'm yours." He said it so simply that it made your heart soar and you moved closer to kiss him again, this time fiercely. You pulled him down to meet your lips, pulling at his hair to stay close to you- not that he needed it, he will be damned if there was any space left between the two of you now.

He sucked on your bottom lip, biting on it just the way he knew you liked, and you moaned softly, letting his tongue slide past your lips. You felt the growl in his chest that was pressed against your own when he tasted you, and it only ignited the fire within you that only he could spark.

"Loki," you moaned and then he deepened the kiss further, making sure you felt everything that he was feeling, tasting every love he held for you- only you. He would stop the entire world, all the galaxies, so this night with you could be longer. He will make time stand still and make this last forever, let every god know that you were his and that he was yours and that a simple thing like time will not be able to keep you apart.

Your love was eternal, you could feel it with every beat of your heart with every touch of his skin with yours, and you could never doubt it. Oh if only the gods would lengthen the night so you could catch up with Loki about anything and everything.

Getting impatient by the second, you put your hands on his hips as he hovered over you and slowly lifted them up his torso and under the thin white shirt he wore. You let your hands wander, pulling him towards you and exploring him as if you didn't have every inch of him memorized in your very soul. You started dragging your hands lower and lower until Loki pulled back from you slightly, you couldn't help the whine that you let out.

"Loki, I need you." He caressed your cheek.

"Darling, you need to rest now. I said I will take care of you, so I will."

"You're not taking care of me now…" you pouted and tried to bring him closer, but he only fell onto his side and turned you around so your back was pressed against his chest.

"Get some rest now, I promise you will need it later." He whispered in your ear and with a kiss to your neck he murmured a good night into your hair.

"Good night, Loki." Your heart was still beating fast, but you were smiling like an idiot as Loki's steady rise and fall of his chest eventually made you match his breaths.

You were home. You were safe. You were loved.

Sleep took you easily once you realized that.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

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herstarburststories · 3 years

Text

you and me and the devil makes three.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x reader, Demon!Dean Winchester x reader, past Lisa x Dean

Summary: Dean is a demon, he will take whatever he wants.

A/N: This got darker than I expected. I wanna make it clear I don't condone or engage with Dean's acts on this. This is my submission for @jawritter 's Make Me Cry Challenge. Congrats, honey! Hope you like it. Dividers by talesmanic and gif credit here

Prompt: I guess I should have been more like her.

Warnings: non consensual kissing, language, UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR, non con (kissing and touching but no sex), dirty talk

Dean Winchester was a dreamer.

In the rawest way of the word, the meaning in the dust-collecting dictionaries and not the idealistic form. His eyelids shut close and, just like magic, Dean’s head was as haunted as the home he swore he’d never come back to in Kansas. The ghosts of the past, not ever so very friendly, coming to greet him at least three times per week. Sometimes they were happy films he could never starre in real life, his mom singing or a picnic with a lover saying that they needed to hurry up to get their kid at the baseball. The nightmares were sleepy visions of flesh and blood, mostly about his time underneath, Sam hurting, or his father spilling out his worst fears at his face.

Maybe it was how the eldest Winchester’s brain compensated for the lack of bedtime tales and docile affairs growing up. The own way that his brittle soul discovered and molded not to let him collapse, or to always keep him on red alert.

Good and bad deals are mostly a matter of which side you are betting your money on, really.

Because yeah, Dean did wake up feeling like he had shut his forest eyes briefly for twenty minutes instead of hours when he dreamed, but he also had never spent so long trapped in a better place. The green eyed hunter didn’t know which one was worse: the good dreams or the horrific ones. After all, he had went through all the atrocity and made it out alive, but the engulfed craving for light-hearted scenarios was suffocating. The hunter could never have it all. Trust him, he tried. Then, which is more agonizing: to have everything you ever wanted for a couple hours and have every scrap of it taken from you, or to undergo the calamity that accompanied your breaking point?

Dean didn’t know, he didn’t even know what to tell Sam when he wondered what his brother had dreamt about to wake up sweating and screaming, all the light and stupid apple pie desires and the sharp brutality crawling out of the back of his mind. He made a joke, Megan Fox really liked knives, man. He kept it in, shoved down a good amount of alcohol, and mocked the worry of doing the lawn. Ready for another day.

But now he was a demon, and apparently whatever he was made of - sulfur, cruelty, and black eyes under garden ones - wasn't worthy quiet reliefs in the middle of the night, or even frightening figments of memory. He became his worst dreams and all the dreams slipped beyond his reaches because of that. Demons, those unholy creatures, didn’t get the human peculiarities. You know what? Fine by him.

Who needed dreams when you don't need sleep, anyway? Even better: who needed dreams when you don't care about what you gotta do to put your greedy hands on the prize you had been eyeing for years?

Dean Winchester was finally free. Free for the first time since he was a four years little boy who watched his mother burning with a terrorized expression, ironically mimicking the one Mary wore on the ceiling. His dad’s shouting for him to grab Sammy and run, take your little brother and run, echoing through years and years. There was never time for Dean, for his grief or his questions or whatever the child frozen in time under his rib cage could come up with. They said, stupid psychologists with their fancy degrees and malicious bartenders with a unfriendly grun under the counter who learned a little too much, everybody said that when someone was so traumatized as a kid, that person would tend to get frozen at that age. Therefore, how tremendously alleviating was to kill any reminiscing emotion of the whiny child he used to be.

The kind of freedom that no traveler longed for; when one’s ruined and damaged enough not to care, and just take and take and take like hunger itself. Dean was an evil thing now, what else could he do but act on the figments of the worst intentions?

And feel so fucking good when doing that.

‘’Where do you think he's going?’’ Your eyes raked over the street, darting between the asphalt under Baby’s wheels and Sam’s weary features.

‘’I don't know.’’ He sighed, attempting to organize his thoughts. Even as a demon, his brother wouldn’t just run miles and miles away by himself for no apparent reason. There had to be something you and Sam were missing out, some unseen clue or a hidden meaning. ‘’What the localizator says?’’

At least you had managed to put a tracker in his boots during your last encounter. Whatever Dean was thinking of starting there, you and Sam wouldn’t let him.

‘’Still Cicero, Indiana.’’ You sighed. Sammy furrowed his eyebrows, a long forgotten memory rising. ‘’What?’’

‘’We had a case there once years ago.’’ He explained, opting not to elaborate. Your and Dean’s relationship was troubled enough with his new self. Sam didn’t want to blow it up completely. His brother would need you once he came back to himself. The look on your face, though, reported how you weren’t buying his cheap excuses. The long haired hunter sighed. ‘’Did Dean ever tell you about that?’’

‘’No.’’

He stepped on the accelerator.

To find the woman was excruciatingly easy. The freckled demon couldn't believe he opened his computer many times and gave up before today. He glanced through the glass window and there she was, standing in all her glory with a body that seemed to forget how to grow old. Her tan skin still glowing, as appetizing as ever. Brown eyes shining so bright, tiny hands that always seemed to know where he wanted to be touched. She was laughing like there was no tomorrow, holding a glass of wine with one hand and her cellphone with the other, while her dark hair was falling so perfectly over her shoulder, like waves against the rocks in the sea.

Dean can’t wait to smell her again, to taste her, to prove her. His fingers were tingling, begging to touch what was his as he hopped off the car, walking towards the porch. He had been gone for a long time, but now he was back.

He will destroy that quintessential, sequin woman so good.

The Winchester buckled in front of the white door, graced with the sound of the female giggle. Thin walls, he thought, those will be useful to make sure the neighbors know who’s back home. Her steps on the wood floor growing closer and closer as he heard a goodbye, probably aimed at whoever she was on the phone with. It was almost like the caramel skinned woman knew that whoever was on her doorstep wasn’t gonna be a hustled visitor. Or so the demon’s arranged mind said.

‘’Hey, Lis.’’ Dean’s voice lacked any cherishment as she opened the door, who would know that the absence of a soul wouldn't be gelid, just dry? As for her, Lisa’s face was drained of love. For all she was aware of, he was a stranger who knew her name. The male let out a chuckle empty of joy. She really didn’t remember, huh? ‘’Whoa. Cass really fucked up your head, huh? At least he did one thing right.’’

‘’Excuse me?’’ The man with dirty blonde hair and perfect teeth smelled like alcohol. She wasn’t having any of this tonight. ‘’Listen, I don’t know who you are and--’’

‘’Don’t worry.’’ He tranquilized her, although the lopsided grin on his lips held anything but good intentions. ‘’I’ll make you remember. I have a spell. You won’t believe how much you missed me.’’

The mocking laugh that left her lips utterly aggravated him. ‘’I don’t know you. Please leave or I’ll call the police.’’

Dean didn’t need a crowd for that part, a bratty woman in need of a firm hand should get a particular lesson.

‘’You always liked a little cat and mouse.’’

Speaking of, the demon pushed the door wide open without any effort. Lisa jumped at the sudden move, every instinct inside her deciding that man was a threat and not some harmless wasted guy. Her body was quickly erect, thinking about ways to run and get help, but Dean swiftly pushed her to him and kicked the door closed-- her small figure collided to his chest.

Human savagery was cut in urban ways, molded to civilize the animalistic instincts. Imagine meat. A dead animal on a silver plate, and we couldn’t wait to chew every inch of it. We couldn’t wait to eat it, put that dead thing inside us and hope it’ll be enough to control the predatory hungry. Humans will always be animals, but so will be their rests that constructed the demons.

Dean may not be a hunter anymore, but he’s still a predator who can't wait to taste his prey. He could small it, the fear in Lisa’s sweat making his mouth water. How much she tried to fight against him and scream other names when his was the only one he wanted her to need tonight. The resistance of a poor human barely made the monster shiver.

He closed his hands around her arms, throwing her against the wall like someone tossed an old toy away. There was no space for delicaly. In that moment, Dean Winchester was a tiger, a lion, the big bad wolf attacking the omega. Lis winced, her back hurting as her fibers. She couldn’t believe this was happening, that man was about to do something so terrible and disgusting to her in her own house, the place she was supposed to feel warm and safe. Why did he seem to know her? Why did he say she was gonna remember? Was he crazy, hallucinating, or drugged? Why was he so satisfied with how frightened her tiny body looked? How could she use all that information to somehow push him away?

‘’Let me go!’’ She demanded, her legs kicking the demon with ferocity. ‘’What’s wrong with you? LET ME GO NOW!’’

The brunette’s skilled body moved itself desperately, and the act of resistance only brought a hysterical laugh out of Dean. The wrong kind of goosebumps washed her skin, she had to run away for her life. This man was mad.

‘’FIRE! FIRE!’’ Lisa started to scream. Well-aware that people were most likely to come around and help a woman screaming if she said fire. ‘’THERE’S A FIRE. SOMEONE HELP ME!’’

One of his hands went to her neck, wrapping his fingers around it to shut her up. That was rubbing him off the wrong way. Lisa Braeden used to beg for his touch, how dared her not to want him anymore? Now that he was better, stronger, and thicker.

The brown eyed girl went quiet, probably scared by his brutal behavior. Dean smiled, a blood stained grin that carried mischief and pervertment. He licked the tears savoring the salty horror coming from her. Just like the day he was a vampire who almost gave in to drinking every drop of her luptuos blood. She may not remember but he did and he couldn't wait to get inside her, those tight walls squeezing his hard cock.

‘’You’re gonna do as I say, Lis. And I won't hurt you… Much.’’ He risped, crooked nose stroking her wet cheek. She whined. ‘’Don’t worry, honey. You loved it. Bet you’ll scream so much once I fuck you good.’’

‘’Please, don’t do it.’’ She begged as he coaxed his body against his. That man was stronger than her, she had no other choice but to plead to his human side. If only she knew.

‘’Begging already?’’ Dean lifted his head, smirking at her. Lisa just wanted to cry and close her eyes until everything was done. How could someone do that? ‘’I told you, don’t worry. I’m gonna make a lil’ spell that will give your memories back and you’ll remember everything. And then we’re gonna have so much fun, Lis.’’

His last murmur was finished with a kiss. A harsh, ruthless kiss. Actually, she wasn’t even sure if she could call it a kiss; teeth against each other, his vicious mouth pressed to her weakened lips, his tongue invading her like a robber and showing an unrequited dominance.

‘’Dean!’’ Your voice resonated stridently, louder than the door Sam had stormed open. You couldn’t believe what your eyes witnessed. ‘’Stop it!’’

Dean groaned, as if you and Sam were stepping on his territory. He simply turned his head to you two, not pulling away from Lisa. You couldn’t see her face, your boyfriend’s large shoulder and tall body covering her up. His eyes were still green, which set the scene in an even more atrocious light.

Your thoughts were racing. How could he come to her, crave her so badly that he drove away miles and miles as a demon? He was supposed not to feel a thing. You prepared yourself for a cold man, not an obsessive one. Apparently, a heart hidden under the black smoke. Choose if it's a gift or Pandora's box. Sam told you their history. Of course he would want that and not you. Dean never left Lisa because he fell out of love for her, he was ripped out from her life. You were so pissed at yourself; how could you picture playing the woman in his veins? How stupid were you? He may be a demon guided by wants and not emotions, but what was love but an amount of outrageous desires laced up with some pretty words and flavored with dependency?

‘’Y/N and Sammy--’’

Love was the wrong word here. Anyway. Go head and unwrap it.

‘’Please help me!’’ Lisa’s voice came to life once more through her quiet cry. Dean hardened the hold around her throat, making her cough a little.

Suddenly, your body is frozen. That, whatever that is, whatever he’s doing to Lisa. It wasn’t love. She didn’t want it. When his frame moved to face you and Sam, you caught a glimpse of her face. She was petrified, her delicate features contorted in wrath and fear and beg for help.

‘’Quiet.’’ Dean howled, glancing at her rapidly before his eyes fell on you and Sam again. ‘’You two are such killjoys. I told you to let me go.’’

You couldn’t believe what you were witnessing. You wanted to puke your guts out.

‘’And what? Kill your ex? Or do something even worse to her?’’ You elicited with disgust.

‘’She’ll come around eventually. Just playing hard to get. You know how frisky women are.’’ The corner of his lips curved into a barbaric grim, one of his hands touching Lisa’s cheek. The victim winced at the touch. ‘’Besides, I’m not just gonna take her. I’ll make her remember and she’ll want me.’’ He shrugged, unbothered by the horrified looks of everyone in the room. ‘’Are you really worried about Lis, Y/N? Or are you just jealous that I didn’t go for you?’’

‘’Enough, Dean.’’ Sam groaned, holding the gun up. It felt oily. ‘’Let her go. And come with us.’’

The demon tossed the brunette away with a simple sleight of hand, pulling his sleeves up with a marred beam. His eyes switched from starry green to black, showing his true facette. It was a peculiar relief. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean. It wasn’t Dean.

Yet, Dean’s gruff voice said in a twisted playful tone:

‘’Come get me, Sammy.’’

Dean Winchester was cured. For most people, to heal is to let go or to learn with things. In the doctor’s case, healing is leaving a bruise to cover up a wound. Everyone believed the war started and ended, and that was it. But when something so ravaging is gone, you gotta deal with the trauma.

He was a trauma. Cured from a sickness, drowning in sorrow and waves of woe. All the worst things Dean ever did, he knew now, weren’t to himself or to the monster he so proudly killed. His unspoken acts were against the people he cared about.

The hunter never thought his hands, his bruised and tough hands could ever hurt Lis. The woman who was his lifeline when Sam died, who allowed him to be a father and live in his dreamland of suburban life. All she ever did was to love him, and what did she get for it?

He was disgusted with himself. What almost did to her was enough to hunt him and make him sure he was going back to hell, very deserving this time. Threating to do that to a woman, and enjoy it… Dean couldn’t bear driving into memories. He was selfishly glad he didn’t remember about that, only Sam’s explanation was enough: he went to Lisa, he kissed her without her consent, and Sam and you stopped him going any further. Would his unscrupulous, demon self go ahead? He was too scared to wonder, even though his brother said that he apparently had a spell to make Lis remember and wasn’t planning on just taking her. A forced kiss was disgusting enough. He just wished Sam had put a bullet in his black eyes right there.

You walked in the bathroom that you once shared with the eldest Winchester

She was everything he ever wanted, all the suburban dreams and acceptance of hunter reality without being in it. Lisa loved him completely and you could only love him sideways-- you never wanted to be a mom, or to have a family or live in a suburb. Those were valid goals, just not yours. You thought you and Dean were on the same page about it, but this other side, not only the pervert demon but the domestic man, hadn’t been shown to you until a couple days ago. Sam had cured his brother, his dirty nature washed away with holy water, but you couldn’t help the bruises that came from the dog days. Lisa had her memory erased by Cass again, you didn’t have the same unfair luxury.

‘’Dean.’’ You said, making him look up at you. Bags under his eyes and wrinkles more evident than ever. ‘’We need to talk.’’

He sighed and wiped his face. ‘’Y/N, I don’t want to talk right now.’’

‘’You never do.’’ You scoffed, gaining an incredulous glance from him. ‘’I know that what happened was disgusting and sick and the worst thing you could ever do, but we need to talk.’’

He took a deep breath. ‘’What do you wanna talk about?’’

‘’You went to her.’’ You stated as a lawyer in front of a jury. Dean furrowed.

‘’What?’’

‘’Lisa. You went to her.’’ When the arrow hit someone so damaged, it was like an animal with his teeth there that wouldn't let go. Yeah, his human soul wasn't the same brittle glass as before but it lingered in his demon self in the shape of delusion, and it was distorted by whatever he was made of, violence and darkness, and turned into something disgusting. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’Love?’’ The word burned his tongue, Dean didn’t think he had the right to ever use it again. ‘’I was a demon, Y/N. I didn’t love or feel anything. What I did--’’

‘’You didn’t do anything.’’ You interrupted, loyal as a soldier.

‘’I forced a kiss on her and wanted to bring her memories back to have sex with her. That’s disgusting and I did half of that.’’ He pointed out aggitadly, plump lips moving fast and voice deeper. ‘’It wasn’t love. Leaving her years back was love.’’

You didn’t miss how Dean didn’t even dare to say her name. ‘’So you don’t think about her? Not even once?’’

He scoffed humourless. ‘’Are you kidding me?’’

‘’I guess I should have been more like her.’’ You hugged yourself, glancing at the wall. You didn’t want to cry in front of him. Not again, not for another woman. That wasn’t even your cicatrix to ache.

‘’Y/N, what the fuck are you talking about?’’ The fully green eyed man raised to his feet, glancing at you with disbelief. He couldn’t face how messed up it was. ‘’I can’t believe you are jealous of what happened. I thought I was the broken one here.’’

‘’I’m not her.’’ You two shared it, the glance that only two women who were hurt by the same man could. You both understood that when he got inside you, it was like the syringe in an eutanasia. Once you were happy because you loved him, now you were scared and not so sure this was what you wanted. ‘’I’m not her and you knew it. When you became just instincts and selfish and did whatever you wanted, you didn’t come to me. You came to her.’’

‘’I hurt her.’’

The next words fly out of your mouth, as weak and totaled as you felt: ‘’Why didn’t you hurt me?’’

‘’This is the most unhealthy shit we ever went through.’’ Dean’s right. You have her expression mesmerized on your brain. Dean was the man on top of her, teaching her how to hate. How to fear. You can’t trust yourself. ‘’I can’t believe you.’’

‘’Neither can I.’’ You were so sick. How ravaged and annihilated one had to be to wish to be a demon's object of obsession? To get jealous that another woman almost died in the arms of a beast that cried his blood out once he came back to being a man and saw what he had done? ‘’I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I was there and I saw how scared of you she was, how all she wanted was to push you away and run because she was so disgusted--’’

‘’Stop.’’ He groaned, but it came out more like a whine than anything. ‘’It wasn’t me. I would never hurt Lis. I would never force her to do anything! I--’’

You gave him a sad smile. ‘’You love her.’’

‘’I love you.’’ Dean approached you, fumbling in despair to fix yet another thing his hands destroyed. If Rome was built in ruins, he was a kingdom. You pulled away before his tough hands landed on you.

‘’But you love her too.’’ The hunter stopped on his spot, unable to answer. ‘’I ruined myself for you, Dean. I can’t-- I won’t do that again. You are right. This is unhealthy. The fact that you’ve been pining for her for so long, pushing down those feelings to the point they are twisted into something so cruel and disgusting. You need help.’’ What kind of ugly you have to have inside you for a monster to love you? And, even worse, what kind of sickness you have trapped, written in your blood to want it to be spilled out in his name? ‘’You really are venom. If this is how you love, it’s scary as fuck.’’ When you loved a broken man, you were never sure if his shattered pieces would glisten or cut your hand once the light came in. Here’s your answer. His parts crawled inside you through pulled up scars, scraping your insides to make into ruins, but you never liked Rome much. You had to be better than that. ‘’Goodbye, Dean.’’

He couldn’t bring himself to go after your steps.

Once again, it’s the kind of freedom no traveler wants. When you lost it all and didn't have any person or place to cling to, when you had to leave because you were becoming the girl you swore you’d never leave, when you walked away willingly without a map.

Still, it was all you had. You’d make a good use of it. You’d be okay. No more ugly emotions or sentiments that made you unrecognizable. No more knives that cut both ways, or situations so complicated you weren’t sure where your morals could rely on.

You’d be okay, healthy, and happy.

You’d be okay.

Comment & reblog. Feedback is magic! Check my masterlist ♡ Tags in reblog!

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eagles-translated · 3 years

Text

Answering Eagles questions before the season 3 finale (Part 2/2)

I've received a bunch of questions since 3x08 and 3x09 dropped, so I compiled all the questions into two posts. I had to split them up because Tumblr only allows 10 images per post. Anyway, keep reading to see my answers and enjoy! 👇

There might be some kind of collaboration between Amie and Ludde like last season—we have only heard snippets of Ludde's song submission to the music school and it wouldn't surprise me if we saw Amie perform the song in its entirety in the last episode. I touched on this a little in part 1 of answering these questions.

It seems like Amie singing at the end of the season has become kind of a recurring theme. She performed “Follow” in 1x08 and “Second Sight” in 2x10 (on the radio, but my point still stands). I wouldn’t be surprised if they followed this trend by having Amie perform a new song in the season 3 finale.

I'm not sure if she'll recommend Ludde to the record label, though. I honestly still feel like Amie's whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it with comments such as "it's going to be a real summer hit" felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that's still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt.

I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia's Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract.

I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn't happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2.

I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist, but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we'd have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn't get that at all. Where was the struggle?

Anyway, I'm getting a little off-topic here. To be honest I have a lot of problems with the writing sometimes, even if I still love the show and its characters. Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy.

She didn't start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn't truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm.

To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

So, back to your question! I need to stop getting so sidetracked while answering these haha. I don't think it would be realistic for the record label to hire a teenager with no professional songwriting experience, likely a very small portfolio of his own work in both size and variety, having a criminal record, and on top of that being infamous in the press for abusing his ex-girlfriend. If Amie offered the ultimatum to her label that she'll only return with Ludde, who has an incredibly bad reputation right now, it feels like she would be running the risk of losing the contract entirely.

There's only so much her label can put up with. We've seen Amie ignore their calls with no intention of reassuring them that she's coming back soon. Honestly, with the way things are looking right now it makes the most sense for the contract to be dropped. By Amie or by the label, I don't know.

The episode description for the season finale says that Ludde will get some sort of justice and it could be about his music (or something related to whatever Andreas is doing).

I believe Amie will be doing a live performance of Ludde's song at a New Year's Eve party in episode 10 but I doubt that Ludde will be picked up as a producer. If he actually does I would find that to be a very unrealistic plot point, to be completely honest with you.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could've been avoided.

To add, it didn't make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia's instead of her brother who could've helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly?

I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie's number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn't have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, "hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she's safe with me, we're at this hotel in this room but she didn't want me to call anybody, I don't know what to do". That would've been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours.

I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn't want to go against Felicia's wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn't the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could've gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer.

The ending of 3x08 was super tough to watch and I can't imagine the feeling of thinking your only daughter/sister drowned herself after you just yelled at her and showed no support. Klara couldn't have known any of this, but I feel like she should've at least contacted Elias if she wasn't taking Felicia to a hospital.

Elias calling Amie would've been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would've lost the drama. It's still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

Thank you for reading that whole post @detectivejulesohara!

The clip you're referring to was posted on Yandeh Sallah's Instagram account, so not in a trailer for this season.

I think that was either just fanservice or it will appear in season 4 since it was posted in May of this year, and I believe the filming of season 3 had already wrapped by then.

It might indicate that Elias and Amie will be a couple by season 4 (this actually seems very likely regardless if this is actually part of a scene or not).

I think Elias is getting increasingly frustrated with hockey and the fact that he doesn't really have any other ambitions to strive for. He was raised with nothing but hockey surrounding him and it's in his blood. Elias got drafted to the US at around the same age as Mats, but Elias left after a year because he just wasn't progressing.

That must feel like a huge step back, and on top of that Mats was probably thriving in his successful career around the age that Elias is now. It's a tough difference in success to have weighing on your shoulders when you're in a team that's second to last in the rankings.

There's even the accusation in the press that Mats paid for Elias to advance in the rankings, and I'm sure that's going to affect his career negatively.

I think Elias overworking himself could also be the result of him feeling like he has to prove that returning to Eagles—a small club that is probably having their worst season ever—was in fact the right choice and not the death of his elite hockey career. That choice was very questionable from the very start and his agent advised against it. Even Mats found it strange. Elias said that he didn't really have a choice most likely because of the clause in his contract, but then he also claims to Mats that things just turned out that way.

Ludde: You don’t regret coming back [to Eagles]? Elias: I didn’t really have a choice.

The idea that he didn't have a choice in the matter doesn't seem accurate. His agent told him there were other alternatives like Jokerit (a professional ice hockey team based in Helsinki, Finland) and that they could find something better than Eagles. Elias seemed kind of defeated already and the decision to return to Eagles didn't feel thought-through at all. It's almost like he just didn't care.

Agent: [...] Jokerit has called and I’ve had a great conversation with them, so they’re on. Elias: You know what? Let’s skip all the trouble. Let’s go with Eagles, it’ll be great. Agent: What? Elias: I’m so tired of moving all the time anyway, plus I’ll be close to my family. Agent: Wait, I thought that you— Eagles has big economical problems, and… Sorry, but their season started awfully. We can get a better team. You understand, right? Elias: Yeah, but we can’t get a team that needs me as much. Plus— If they say they want to see development, I’ll give them that. Agent: Wait— They’re under the line. We’re talking about qualifying down directly. You can’t in earnest believe you’ll change that on your own. Elias: It’s perfect. I’ll only go up, as you like to say.

It also seems like he's maybe realizing that hockey isn't everything and that there are other things he might want to explore and pursue in his life. I think Elias is feeling kind of stuck right now. He's been training his whole life for one purpose which is a professional career in hockey, and maybe he feels like Mats wouldn't allow him to quit. That option doesn't exist to him.

Like you said, Mats had that comment where he labeled Ludde a "quitter" and Elias stressed the fact that there shouldn't be anything wrong with losing interest and deciding to pursue something else.

Mats: Can you imagine that he’s just quitting? I mean, I’m completely— He really didn’t strike me as a quitter. So fucking close. [...] Elias: [...] Ludde, he’s… He’s not a quitter, he’s just didn’t want it anymore. That should be fair.

However, quitting is seen as failure to Mats. Mats dropped everything when he got drafted. He left his relationship with Petra seemingly without a second thought, because hockey comes before everything for Mats. Felicia even mentioned back in season 1 how her father was just a voice in a telephone for most of her childhood. He barely had any presence in her life because he was busy with hockey.

When Klara tells Elias that he's always putting hockey first, he gets angry but he doesn't outright deny it. In fact, he kind of changes the subject to shift attention away from Klara's claim.

Klara: This— You haven’t changed at all. You’re always putting yourself first. Elias: Excuse me? Klara: Yes, it’s either you or hockey. Elias: Stop! What the— Klara: I can’t take this. Elias: Are you leaving now? I wasn’t the only one you dumped. You’ve been acting like shit to Felicia. Yeah, and Amie and Ludde too, for that matter. You haven’t thought about that? So don’t come here and say I’m the egoist.

This is kind of an interesting thought—that maybe Elias subconsciously knew that was Klara is saying is true to some degree and that he has been putting hockey first. He decided to get on the train to the draft combine in Seattle instead of staying with Klara, and a year later he realizes that things didn't turn out the way that he'd planned and he returns to Eagles.

Maybe Elias is trying so hard to be someone who he just isn't, and it's affecting so many aspects of his life negatively. He lost Klara, he had to repeat almost his whole last year in high school because of moving to the US, and now he seems to be stuck in Oskarshamn. He's previously expressed to Amie that this isn't necessarily where he wanted to end up.

Elias: [...] Hey, is it just me or is there something about this town that… It sort of feels like no matter how much you try to get away, it… It pulls you back somehow.

It's kind of strange that he doesn't want to be in Oskarshamn, and yet he was the one who chose to return. Maybe he somehow feels like he has some purpose there because it keeps pulling him back. He just doesn't know what that purpose is.

Elias tried coming back to Eagles to turn things around for them, and they did win a game against the Capitals but that victory was later tarnished by the fight that broke out between the two teams (and to add to this, the loss of Ludde who used to be one of the star players and Klara as a sponsor). That kind of overshadowed their whole victory. Elias was very determined to do something to help and it very much feels like he needs Eagles to succeed—he needs to sort of "redeem" himself.

Elias: [...] Can I do anything? Can I go talk to— I could go talk to the sponsor. Mats: Let’s deal with it later. I’ll solve this. You have to go to school now. Elias: But we can finish talking— Mats: You can— No. Try to think of something else. Alright?

I think that Elias's desperation for Eagles to do well could absolutely lead to him eventually deciding to be a coach. He doesn't really seem to want the life that Mats had after seeing how success turned out for him—a broken family that he barely cares about because hockey occupies his mind more than caring for his children or repairing the relationship with Leila.

I think Elias being a hockey coach could suit him, but I would also love to see him exploring things outside of hockey—maybe even his interests outside of sport entirely.

I kind of agree with you on this. Klara has apologized to Felicia and been forgiven, but we've never seen her properly apologize to Amie for filming that video of her and posting it on social media. Amie and Ludde were in the wrong, yes, but that video being posted was humiliating for both of them. They had to deal with the ramifications of that for months after with the whole school judging them in silence.

To be fair, the video was posted a long time ago in the show's time frame (nearly two years ago if I'm right?) and they all kind of moved on from it. To add to this, maybe she felt it would've been kind of awkward to apologize with Felicia in the room.

Felicia was so hurt by that video being posted and I think it would feel very weird for her that Klara would apologize for posting the video when it's the sole reason Felicia found out what had been done to her. Without that video, she would've probably gone a few more months without being told what happened at the Halloween party.

I'm waiting for a Klara and Amie reconciliation in this season finale. I feel like this is something that should be discussed between just the two of them, and maybe they'll sneak in some blessing from Klara with the whole budding Elias and Amie relationship? I'd be happy with just a reconciliation, though, but I'm unsure if we'll get one. I have a feeling they'll start the season finale with a time jump and I don't know if Klara is even going to be in Oskarshamn by that time.

If we don't see them reconnecting in the season finale I will be pretty disappointed, to be honest.

Thank you! I really appreciate you too @lunawedlers (your gifsets are absolutely magical)!

This question was sent in a while ago but as season 3 had just started airing I was very excited to see the development of Elias and Amie, mostly because the director had been hinting on Twitter that something would happen between them this season. I've been really interested in them ever since 1x03 and so far the wait has been worth it.

I think all episodes have great visuals, but if I had to pick one I would probably say 3x06. All those shots of Elias and Amie on the walk through the park, the drone shots, and then the view from that bench spot were so gorgeous visually. That answer is more of a scene rather than a whole episode haha, but I think they really made the beauty of Oskarshamn stand out in those shots.

I think Amie will have some sort of performance in the final episode of a new song and that Elias will be watching her! After reading the episode description for the final episode and seeing that there will probably be some New Year's Eve party going on, I have a feeling that Amie will be performing. She's always had a performance of a new song in every season finale and this one should be no exception.

They tricked us a little in the season 3 trailer with us thinking that Elias would be at one of Amie's concerts in Stockholm, but now I'm sure that this scene fits in at the New Year's Eve party.

I think we should keep our expectations low for a kiss between Elias and Amie. They just started developing their relationship, and I like the slow pace they're going in. They're not rushing anything. I also have this feeling that their development has deliberately been so slow because they're sort of "saving the best for last".

Elias and Amie are fan favorites and their relationship has been very talked-about from the beginning. I can see the writers maybe having decided to push their relationship more towards the end of the show, which is why we haven't really gotten any Elias and Amie content until now. That's frustrating if you're impatient and I've seen some people thinking that maybe Elias and Amie won't happen at all, but I don't think we need to worry at all. The fact that Elias and Amie's development has been so slow should indicate that they're much more likely to be endgame.

A kiss in episode 10 could definitely happen, but I don't know. Maybe they'll drag it out further. As I've said before, if they don't get one in season 3 they will absolutely be getting one in season 4. I've noticed that it's always best to keep your expectations low when it comes to this couple.

The episode description for the season finale said this about Elias, which some have interpreted to be about Amie.

New Year’s Eve is here. [...] But is Elias brave enough to say what everyone else already knows?

This could mean anything, really. I'm actually leaning more towards this being about an individual thing rather than Amie being involved. It could be about Elias admitting that he's been overworking himself and not eating properly, or coming clean about the fact that maybe he doesn't want a career in hockey. This is something that everyone else already knows, so I think it might be about hockey.

Felicia has observed the overworking, Mats has told him to stop with it, and Ludde might've had some inkling about it while he was still on the team. Even Amie has probably also noticed that he's been spending a lot of time at the gym lately.

I could absolutely be wrong about this though.

Thank you for the question @lunawedlers!

This is a hard one because season 3 has had so many strong episodes already, and usually my favorite episode ends up being the season finale because it's basically the culmination of the whole season. I really loved 2x10 for this very reason since the ending montage was so well done.

If I had to pick between 3x01 - 3x09 though I would probably have to say it's a tie between 3x04 — Date night and 3x05 — Wounds! These two episodes showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don't think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out).

I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. That whole scene between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff was actually really beautiful, especially when the sun had gone down.

It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about.

I also loved the "non-date" between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn.

The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters, but I had a few problems with them that I discussed in a question above. They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen.

However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it's about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

I agree, but I think we could maybe get a combination of both! Relationships can have all these romantic and sweet traits like you described, but also be more passionate and show public displays of affection.

I think Elias and Amie fit the more laid-back and sweet characteristics, but we have yet to really see what Amie is like in a relationship. We've seen her with a crush on Ludde and we got a glimpse of that thing she had with Robin (which was apparently a relationship but I did not pick up on that at all), but we don't really know what Amie is like in a relationship. Maybe she's never really had a "real" one, either.

Nevertheless, I'm excited to see what's in store for Elias and Amie. I'm very positive that they will eventually become a couple in season 4.

#eagles svt #svt eagles #after writing this i kind of want to do a separate post discussing the writing in eagles because i have a lot more to say about it

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twoidiotwriters1 · 3 years

Text

Written In The Stars CXXXVIII (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: Meet Mel’s little brother :)

Words: 5,235

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Book Six

Listen to: ‘Thread’ -by Keane.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Leon Regulus Sultens-Black.

HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED RETURNS

[...]Albus Dumbledore, newly reinstated headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, re-instated member of the International Confederation of Wizards, and reinstated Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, was unavailable for comment last night.

He has insisted for a year that You-Know-Who was not dead, as was widely hoped and believed, but recruiting followers once more for a fresh attempt to seize power. Meanwhile the Boy Who Lived —

"There you are, Harry, I knew they'd drag you into it somehow," Hermione interrupted.

"Of course they would," Erick rolled his eyes, he was sitting on the floor between the two beds, his back against Hermione's bed.

Now that all his Slytherin friends knew the truth, they had stopped talking to him, so Erick was now spending all his time with Mel.

"He's 'the Boy Who Lived' again now, though, isn't he? Not such a show-off maniac anymore, eh?" Ron grabbed a bunch of chocolate frogs from his bedside table and handed one to each.

He leaned over and stretched out his hand to Erick, the older boy stared down at the chocolate and then up to him, Ron waved it impatiently in front of his face and Erick grabbed it quickly.

"Yes, they're very complimentary about you now, Harry," Hermione agreed. "'A lone voice of truth... perceived as unbalanced, yet never wavered in his story... forced to bear ridicule and slander...' Hmm... I notice they don't mention the fact that it was them doing all the ridiculing and slandering, though... 'You-Know-Who's Last Attempt to Take Over, pages two to four, What the Ministry Should Have Told Us, page five, Why Nobody Listened to Albus Dumbledore, pages six to eight, Exclusive Interview with Harry Potter and Mel Dumbledore, page nine...' Well, it's certainly given them lots to write about. And that interview with Harry and Mel isn't exclusive, it's the one that was in The Quibbler months ago..."

"Daddy sold it to them," said Luna. "He got a very good price for it too, so we're going to go on an expedition to Sweden this summer and see if we can catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

"...That sounds lovely," Hermione said after a short silence.

"So anyway, what's going on in school?"

"Well, Flitwick's got rid of Fred and George's swamp," said Ginny. "He did it in about three seconds. But he left a tiny patch under the window and he's roped it off —"

"Why?"

"Oh, he just says it was a really good bit of magic."

"I think he left it as a monument to Fred and George, they sent me all these, you know," Ron pointed at the bunch of Frogs. "Must be doing all right out of that joke shop, eh?"

"I'll miss them..." Mel sighed.

"You can always buy a few of their products and set them around the school," Harry offered, "it'll feel as if they were still here."

She chuckled softly, around them the group shared confused and relieved glances. It wasn't exactly like before, but they could sense the friendly tones of their conversations, they had stopped fighting.

Although it didn't mean there wouldn't be fights later, they had pushed the conversation about their lifeline further into the future, right now they didn't have the energy to discuss life-changing matters.

"So has all the trouble stopped now Dumbledore's back?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, everything's settled right back down again," Neville nodded.

"I s'pose Filch is happy, is he?" asked Ron.

"Not at all! He's really, really miserable, actually..." Ginny lowered her voice. "He keeps saying Umbridge was the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts..."

"If any of you feel like pranking Filch next year, let me know so I can look the other way," Erick joked.

All of them turned to see Professor Umbridge on the bed opposite Ron and Hermione's. Dumbledore had rescued her from the centaurs, nobody knew how, and Umbridge was out of it, therefore unable to speak.

"Madam Pomfrey says she's just in shock," Hermione explained.

"Sulking, more like," said Ginny.

"Yeah, she shows signs of life if you do this," said Ron, and with his tongue he made soft clip-clopping noises. Umbridge sat bolt upright, looking wildly around.

"Anything wrong, Professor?" called Madam Pomfrey, poking her head around her office door.

"No... no..." said Umbridge, sinking back into her pillows, "no, I must have been dreaming..."

Hermione and Ginny muffled their laughter.

"Serves her right," Mel scowled. "She caused a lot of suffering this year..."

She looked down at Harry's hand, and the boy moved it only to hold hers.

"Speaking of centaurs," Hermione spoke, causing Harry to retreat his hand abruptly, "who's Divination teacher now? Is Firenze staying?"

"He's got to, the other centaurs won't take him back, will they?" Harry shrugged.

"It looks like he and Trelawney are both going to teach," said Ginny.

"Bet Dumbledore wishes he could've got rid of Trelawney for good. Mind you, the whole subjects useless if you ask me, Firenze isn't a lot better..."

"How can you say that?" Hermione frowned. "After we've just found out that there are real prophecies? It is a pity it broke..."

"Yeah, it is. Still, at least You-Know-Who never found out what was in it either, it was clever of you to break it, Mel. Though you really shouldn't have used your hand to do so..."

"I think it made you look really tough," Erick smiled.

Mel returned his gesture tensely, she wished she could feel as calm as the rest of her friends, she wanted to go back to normal but she couldn't ignore what was about to happen once the school year ended, now her home had as many ghosts as the castle.

"Hey, where are you going?" Ron asked in a hurt voice when Harry stood up to leave.

"Er — Hagrid's. You know, he just got back and I promised I'd go down and see him and tell him how you two are..."

"Oh all right then," Ron grumbled. "Wish we could come..."

"Say hello to him for us!" said Hermione. "And ask him what's happening about... about his little friend!"

Erick occupied Harry's place, he nudged her arm.

"You're going to let him go just like that?"

Mel contemplated the door in silence. She was ready for Harry's grief this time, there would be moments when he would want to be left alone and she had no problem with it. She understood, there were moments in which she wanted to hide away forever and never wake up.

"He doesn't need me right now," The girl shrugged. "And before you give me a lecture, I don't mean it in a bad way. Whatever he's going through... I can't help him go through it faster. I can't even help myself..."

Mel looked out the window to avoid her friend's eyes.

"How about we go for a walk?" Erick suggested.

They stopped once they reached the courtyard. It was deserted, most of the students were out on the school grounds bathing in the sun. Mel sat on the edge of one of the archways while Erick remained standing, she could feel him staring, but she kept her eyes down.

"So you and Harry are okay now," He started, "no more fighting?"

"None at all," She sighed. "We have better things to do than to fight over our love life. Not that it matters, we've stopped liking each other that way."

"How come?"

"It just happened," She replied quietly.

Erick hummed, moving to sit next to her.

"Maybe you're meant to be just friends. I mean, your relationship is already too complicated with the lifeline..."

Mel couldn't care less about what her relationship with Harry was destined to be. She didn't know what she wanted to do with the connection after hearing Harry's reasons to keep it. All she could think of was her mother; she'd sacrificed so much to keep them safe, what Sirius had done to help them... She was running out of days to think of a proper way to apologize to her family. Dumbledore had taken the blame but those were just words, in the end, it was Mel and Harry who'd decided to drop every precaution, part of her felt she deserved all the hurt.

"You know," Erick said quietly. "I've been thinking about dropping out of school after this year."

"Why?"

"Well, my intention was to become a Ministry worker, but after these last few months, I realized they're useless. It would change my plans completely... but maybe I could join the Order?"

"Is that what you want?"

"I don't know what I want," He sighed tiredly. "I know I'm good at duelling and I have nowhere else to go... Did you know Sirius offered to take me in for the summer?"

Mel stared at him.

"Well, he did," Erick continued. "He said I could live with him, that he didn't mind having me around — said I reminded him of his younger brother... Wish I could've done something to help him..."

"You should hate me," She blurted out. "My mother's going to hate me. She'll hate me for being impulsive and for not listening to my uncle — My brother will hate me..."

"Why would I hate you?" He frowned.

"It's my fault that your parents kicked you out," She responded. "I made you write those letters to Anne. It was me who dragged you into this mess, you never wanted any of this, you would've lived a quiet, prosperous life —"

"And I would've been miserable," Erick shook his head. "You never forced me to do anything. You asked and I granted every time because I wanted to, I needed you to give me that final push... I made my choice the moment I met you, Mel."

"It's my fault you don't get to live with Sirius — it's because of me that you won't have a nice home —"

"It's because of you that I'm still alive," His voice trembled with incredulity. He moved closer and held her by the shoulders. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I'm so lucky I found you..."

The girl had been shoving all her worries deep within herself for too long, she hadn't cried properly, refusing to let herself grieve since she felt she had no right to do so. Erick's voice sounded honest and comforting, she cracked under the pressure.

Erick hugged her and Mel wept like she hadn't done in months, not even while making peace with Harry. She sobbed as loud as she wanted, and the knot that had been stopping her from breathing finally loosened a bit, it made her feel as if she was slowly shrinking back into her child self, the girl cornered in the playground, but she wasn't alone anymore, and she was no longer a weak little thing.

Erick ran a hand through her hair gently, there was something about the way he touched her that made her feel safe.

"You'll feel better. I promise you will..."

He'd lost someone not so long ago, the only adult he'd loved and cared for him. He was probably still grieving, but the fact that he was there, in one piece, was the definite and only proof she needed to hold onto her hopes.

When the last day of school arrived, it also meant having to sit there surrounded by curious eyes all staring at her and Harry, and she knew what Dumbledore would say during his speech.

Stay together.

She'd talked about the same thing for three days in a row and she was exhausted, if she could, she would drink a potion to forget everything, maybe even the fact that she was a witch, and she would go live with her uncle Lupin, surrounded by nothing but trees...

However, Mel had to keep fighting. It was far from over.

She decided to skip the feast and asked her friends to bring her food once it ended, she slowly made her way back to the tower. Mel turned right on one of the corridors and stopped abruptly when she saw Harry.

For a second they stared at each other in mild confusion, they had been careful not to spend too much time alone because they knew they would end up discussing things they weren't ready to address. Mel gathered enough energy to give him a weak smile.

"Trying to find your appetite? Me too."

Harry raised his eyebrows.

"You're not hungry?"

"It's been happening all year," She sighed. "I guess I grew out of that too..."

"No way. You'll be eating in a week, I expect."

"I expect the same from you," She replied. "I'll make sure you eat twice as much. Merlin knows you need it."

A faint smile appeared on his face.

"Care if I join you? I could use a walk."

The silence didn't last long when they found Luna.

"How come you're not at the feast?" asked Harry.

"Well, I've lost most of my possessions. People take them and hide them, you know. But as it's the last night, I really do need them back, so I've been putting up signs."

"That's horrible," Mel frowned.

"How come people hide your stuff?"

"Oh... well... I think they think I'm a bit odd, you know. Some people call me 'Loony' Lovegood, actually," The girl said casually.

"That's no reason for them to take your things," Harry replied. "They used to call Mel a nutter too, but they didn't hide away her things."

"That's because they thought I was an attractive nutter," Mel rolled her eyes. "Prats. People need new brains, Luna. You're wonderful."

"D'you want help finding them?"

"Oh no," Luna smiled. "They'll come back, they always do in the end. It was just that I wanted to pack tonight. Anyway... why aren't you at the feast?"

Harry and Mel shared a look and shrugged.

"We didn't feel like it."

"No," Luna agreed, and for a second, Mel was able to see something more than just the usual vagueness in her eyes. "I don't suppose you do. That man the Death Eaters killed was your godfather, wasn't he? Ginny told me. She also said your mother and him were expecting a baby, Mel."

Harry nodded, Mel barely replied with a broken 'yes'.

"Have you..." The boy started slowly. "I mean, who... has anyone you've known ever died?"

"Yes. My mother. She was a quite extraordinary witch, you know, but she did like to experiment and one of her spells went rather badly wrong one day. I was nine."

"I'm sorry," Harry mumbled.

"Yes, it was rather horrible. I still feel very sad about it sometimes. But I've still got Dad. And anyway, it's not as though I'll never see Mum again, is it?"

"Er — isn't it?" Harry glanced back at Mel with slight worry.

"Oh, come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn't you?"

"You mean..." The boy started, but he didn't dare to finish.

"In that room with the archway. They were just lurking out of sight, that's all. You heard them. I could see you felt them too, Mel. They're always there."

Luna smiled at them carelessly, as if she'd just commented on the weather.

"Are you sure you don't want us to help you look for your stuff?"

"Oh no. No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up... It always does in the end... Well, have a nice holiday."

"Yeah... yeah, you too."

"Bye, Luna."

As they watched her go, Harry turned his head slightly without withdrawing his eyes from the Ravenclaw.

"You think she's telling the truth?"

"About what?"

"Everything."

Mel stared at the notice on the wall for a moment, deciding to use her popular card one last time in order to help a friend.

"I think I would love for it to be true," She responded. "And since I have the liberty to believe in whatever I please... then yes, I think she's right."

Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who had clearly been waiting all week for the opportunity to strike without teacher witnesses, attempted to ambush Harry halfway down the train as he made his way back from the toilet.

The attack might have succeeded had it not been for the fact that they unwittingly chose to stage the attack right outside a compartment full of D.A. members, who saw what was happening through the glass and rose as one to rush to Harry's aid.

Ron and Harry walked back into their compartment and told them what had just happened outside, Erick put down the book he was reading and scoffed.

"One would think that having your parents sent to Azkaban would knock some sense into you... I'll have to keep an eye on them next year, then."

Mel turned to look at him in surprise.

"You'll come back?"

"Yes," He said, a little smile playing on his lips. "I got a letter this morning ..."

He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. It was her mother's handwriting.

"I'm welcomed to stay with you this summer, and I think I'll take the offer," He grinned. "I don't wish to work at the Ministry, but I could learn a few things before I'm off to become a member of the Order. Besides, I can't think of a better way to thank Sirius than to look after all of you in the meantime..."

"I think that's very sensible of you," Hermione agreed. "It would've been stupid to give up your education now."

"What's stupid is that he's been ignored by his housemates," Ron replied. "The only decent bloke that house got in decades and they hurled him out? That's rubbish!"

Everyone stared at Ron with amusement, the boy turned a bit red.

"What? I can admit when someone's a good person!"

"I don't know what to say," Erick laughed. "Gryffindor's king just gave me his blessing..."

Ron turned redder and threw a jellybean at him.

Harry and Ron whiled away most of the journey playing wizard chess while Hermione read out snippets from the Prophet. It was now full of articles about how to repel dementors, attempts by the Ministry to track down Death Eaters, and hysterical letters claiming that the writer had seen Lord Voldemort walking past their house that very morning...

"It hasn't really started yet," sighed Hermione gloomily, folding up the newspaper again. "But it won't be long now..."

Neville let out a short sigh, absently patting his Mimbulus Mimbletonia. Mel put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, he looked up and smiled tensely.

"Hey, Harry," Ron kicked his leg.

Cho Chang was passing by with Marietta Edgecombe, who made a great deal out of hiding her face. Harry barely reacted, glancing at her before returning his gaze to the game.

"What's — er — going on with you and her anyway?" Ron asked, unsure of whether this was a safe subject to handle with Mel around.

"Nothing," Harry answered.

"I — er — heard she's going out with someone else now," added Hermione, looking at Mel as well.

"You're well out of it, mate. I mean, she's quite good-looking and all that, but you want someone a bit more cheerful."

"Right, because Harry's a ray of sunshine," Erick taunted.

"She's probably cheerful enough with someone else," Harry shrugged.

"Who's she with now anyway?" Ron asked.

"Michael Corner," Ginny responded.

"Michael — but —" Ron stammered. "But you were going out with him!"

"Not anymore. He didn't like Gryffindor beating Ravenclaw at Quidditch and got really sulky, so I ditched him and he ran off to comfort Cho instead," Ginny said distractedly, focused on her Quibbler.

"Well, I always thought he was a bit of an idiot," Ron said happily. "Good for you. Just choose someone... better, next time."

"Well, I've chosen Dean Thomas, would you say he's better?" Ginny replied.

"WHAT?"

Ron knocked over the chess and Crookshanks chased around the pieces. Grey merely opened one eye before going back to sleep.

Erick laughed again, freedom suited him. The stiffness of his shoulders had vanished and although he kept some old-fashioned attitudes, he was slowly coming out of his shell. Affection settled on Mel's heart.

"What about you?" He asked her, bringing her back from her reverie.

"What about me?"

"Do you have any new prospects in mind? I know Fred's hard to beat, but..."

"I don't think I'm ready to date anyone yet," Mel responded sincerely. "Why?"

"No reason," He replied.

His eyes lingered on her long after she'd looked away.

The moment came when the train got to the station, and she stayed behind, unsure of whether she wanted to see what was expecting her outside the platform.

It was time to meet her brother.

"Remember what I told you," Erick offered his arm for her to hold.

Her mouth was dry, but she nodded and held his arm firmly, letting him guide her to the other side of the wall with a firm step.

There was Mad-Eye Moody, looking quite as sinister with his bowler hat pulled low over his magical eye as he would have done without it, his gnarled hands clutching a long staff, his body wrapped in a voluminous traveling cloak.

Tonks stood just behind him, her bright bubble-gum-pink hair gleaming in the sunlight filtering through the dirty glass station ceiling, wearing heavily patched jeans and a bright purple T-shirt bearing the legend the weird sisters.

Next to Tonks was Lupin, his face pale, his hair graying, a long and threadbare overcoat covering a shabby jumper and trousers. At the front of the group stood Mr and Mrs Weasley, dressed in their Muggle best, and Fred and George, who were both wearing brand-new jackets in some lurid green, scaly material.

Emily was next to Lupin, she was hugging a bundle of blankets that could only be one thing. She didn't look like Mel was expecting, there were dark circles under her eyes, but she was far from angry.

Her face filled with relief as soon as she saw her. Mel stumbled back, not knowing what to do. Emily realized that her daughter was afraid and she looked at her in confusion.

"Mel," She began carefully. "D'you remember what I told Harry last year after the third task?"

Mel remembered, of course.

"You said no one would blame him for fighting as hard as he could."

"That's right," Emily cupped her daughter's cheek. "I was so scared of losing you... My brave, brave girl."

Mel hugged her mother tightly, around her, she heard the others welcoming the rest of their friends.

"Ron, Ginny! Oh, and Harry dear — how are you?"

"Fine..."

"What are they supposed to be?" Ron's voice asked.

"Finest dragon skin, little bro," Fred responded, probably talking about his clothes. "Business is booming and we thought we'd treat ourselves."

Mel finally stepped back so Erick could say hi as well. She realized then that she was now as tall as her mother.

"It's time you meet someone," Emily said, drying her face with the back of her sleeve. "Come here... this is Leon Regulus. Reggie, this is your sister."

He was the tiniest person she'd ever seen, didn't have much hair yet, but his eyes were definitely grey. She remembered Luna's words and in a way, she felt that a part of Sirius still remained.

"I have a brother," She whispered in awe.

"Is that your sibling?" Ginny beamed. "Can I see him?"

Quickly, Ron and the girls approached to look at him.

Harry stayed behind, a bit unsure of whether he was allowed to meet him.

"Hello, kids," Lupin greeted them while the rest of their friends surrounded Emily.

"Hi. I didn't expect... what are you all doing here?" Harry asked.

"Well, Emily can't drive and watch over the baby at the same time, as for the rest, we thought we might have a little chat with your aunt and uncle before letting them take you home."

"I dunno if that's a good idea," Harry said awkwardly.

"Oh, I think it is," Moody growled. "That'll be them, will it, Potter?"

Mel looked over Moody's shoulder and saw the Dursleys, shocked to the core at such scene. She couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it, the first genuine laughter ever since coming back from the Ministry.

She felt someone poking her shoulder and she turned, coming face to face with the twins.

"What, we stop seeing each other for a few weeks and you forget we exist?" Fred smirked.

She jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"I would never forget you. Have you met my brother?"

"Yes, ugly little thing," Fred grimaced, George hit the back of his head. "What? It's true! No newborn is pretty..."

"Bold words from someone with the ugliest taste in clothing," Mel laughed again, it was interesting what a bunch of familiar and happy faces could do to her soul.

"We heard Erick's staying with you this summer... Pitty, we were thinking about hiring him as our assistant."

"I would rather choke on my tongue," Erick walked up to them. "You look ridiculous, and that's coming from someone who likes to wear formal shirts on the weekends."

Fred and George trapped him in a bear hug and messed up his hair, Erick tried to fight back but it only made things worse.

"You missed us!"

"Flimsy little prince like you must bore to death without us around to keep things interesting..."

"Trust me," Erick grunted, looking at her with a smile. "Mel made sure you weren't that sorely missed."

"Ah, kids!" Mr Weasley looked at them. "Boys, let go of him! Ah, look at what you did! He looks like a madman..."

Erick blushed a nice shade of pink, but he laughed it off.

"It's okay, Mr Weasley..."

"He looks far better like this," Fred teased.

"Don't listen to them, they're just jealous," Emily replied, followed shortly by the girls and Ron. "Harry, would you like to meet my son?"

Harry wasn't expecting her to address him, but he didn't have the nerve to say no. Emily took it as a yes and did something she hadn't done with the rest of them: She asked him if he wanted to hold him.

Harry stared at the baby without uttering a word. He took him, and with a few pointers from Emily, soon enough Leon was safely tucked on his arms.

"He's... he's got his eyes," Harry said quietly. "Reggie, you say? ...He's brilliant."

For a moment he forgot about the rest of the world, Harry could see his godfather reflected on those small, shiny eyes, and with that came a life with no mistakes in it yet, a new opportunity to make things right.

Emily didn't take the baby away, instead, she joined the group of adults.

"Well — shall we do it, then?" Mr Weasley then directed his attention to Moody.

"Yeah, I reckon so, Arthur."

He and Mr Weasley took the lead across the station toward the place where the Dursleys stood, apparently rooted to the floor. Hermione disengaged herself gently from her mother to join the group.

"Good afternoon," said Mr Weasley pleasantly to Uncle Vernon, coming to a halt right in front of him. "You might remember me, my name's Arthur Weasley."

As Mr Weasley had singlehandedly demolished most of the Dursleys' living room two years previously, Harry would have been very surprised if Uncle Vernon had forgotten him. Sure enough, Uncle Vernon turned a deeper shade of puce and glared at Mr Weasley, but chose not to say anything, partly, perhaps, because the Dursleys were outnumbered two to one.

Aunt Petunia looked both frightened and embarrassed. She kept glancing around, as though terrified somebody she knew would see her in such company. Dudley, meanwhile, seemed to be trying to look small and insignificant, a feat at which he was failing extravagantly.

"We thought we'd just have a few words with you about Harry."

"Yeah. About how he's treated when he's at your place," Moody growled. "And trust us, Emily has made sure to tell us all about it."

Her mother smiled brightly.

"I am not aware that it is any of your business what goes on in my house —" Mr Dursley started, but he was soon interrupted.

"I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursley."

"Anyway, that's not the point," Tonks added. "The point is, if we find out you've been horrible to Harry —"

"— and make no mistake, we'll hear about it," Lupin added, looking briefly at Mel and winking.

"Yes, even if you won't let Harry use the fellytone —"

"Telephone," Hermione corrected under her breath.

"Yeah, if we get any hint that Potter's been mistreated in any way, you'll have us to answer to," Moody growled.

"Are you threatening me, sir?" Mr Dursley asked in anger.

"Yes, I am."

"And do I look like the kind of man who can be intimidated?"

"Well..." said Moody, pushing back his bowler hat to reveal his sinisterly revolving magical eye. Uncle Vernon leapt backward in horror and collided painfully with a luggage trolley. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley."

He turned from Uncle Vernon to Harry. "So, Potter... give us a shout if you need us. If we don't hear from you for three days in a row, we'll send someone along..."

"We'll keep an eye on him, Moody," Mel's mother replied, "Erick, Mel and I will. Feel free to have every meal with us from now on, Harry. There's no reason for you to be eating rubbish."

Aunt Petunia gasped loudly at this.

"I..." Harry blinked. "Okay."

Emily stepped forward and seized Regulus, then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed Harry's cheek.

"We'll see you in a while, love."

"'Bye, then, Potter," Moody patted his shoulder.

"Take care, Harry," said Lupin. "Keep in touch."

"You're not coming?" Mel asked.

"I'm afraid not," The man said, hugging her one last time. "We have work to do."

"I could help if you want," Erick responded quickly.

"You're not going anywhere," Mel argued, holding his arm protectively.

"Maybe later, kid," Lupin answered, staring at them in slight amusement.

"We should move," Emily responded before Erick could argue back.

"Harry, we'll have you away from there as soon as we can," Mrs Weasley said. "And of course, Emily dear, all of you are invited."

"We'll see you soon," said Ron shaking Harry and Erick's hands.

"Really soon," Hermione added. "We promise."

Harry then summoned a real, loving smile. He waved at everyone goodbye and then turned to Mel and Erick.

A strange thought came to her when she watched those two boys standing next to her and her mother: Family.

Difficult times were ahead, but they would go through them. Together.

"Well," Harry scratched the back of his neck. "I'll see you later."

Erick sat in the backseat with restless curiosity, examining every detail.

"First time?" Mel grinned, looking over to the older boy and her little brother, completely asleep on the baby chair. "If you feel like vomiting don't stress, I get carsick too..."

"Ready?" Emily asked.

Mel stroke Grey's head and turned around to face forward.

Yes, she was ready.

Next Part —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @hamiltonwc @omiwashere @t-rexs-world @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @21bruhs @i-am-scared-and-useless-bisexual @dielgonacoffee @thelastpyle

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #WITT fic

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

Text

The Best Things ~ J.V. (part 12)

A/n: I would like to apologize for not marking warnings on each part like I should have been. I get too excited to post and skip over them on accident. I’ll do my best to add them from here on! Also, I was adding the warnings as I wrote but then they didn’t save so I tried to remember them as best I could. If I forgot anything, I sincerely apologize.

Warnings: Recounting past trauma (physical abuse, homophobia), explicit talk of death, badly handling others’ trauma, light smut (foreplay: slapping, choking, degradation, daddy kink, handcuff restraining, brat/dom dynamic, punishing, teasing, masterbation)

Word Count: 5200+

MASTERLIST

The air was so thick with tension that a knife could have cut through it. No matter how much Harley was fighting his instincts to lounge and be himself - the self Jeremiah was used to, at the very least - he felt like he had to be the self he used to be. The one Bruce was expecting. Jeremiah knew Harley was trying too hard, and Jeremiah was far too easy to read - which meant that Bruce knew too. So Harley sat there trying to behave and Bruce sat there brimming with suspicion and pain and hesitation and Jeremiah sat between the two boys, wishing this had never happened and he could just escape the two brothers who seemed seconds from either running or fighting.

Echo, as if sent from God, walked into the room with a pitcher of water. They were at Jeremiah's instead of Wayne manor as Harley had absolutely no intention of being back there or anywhere near Alfred. The butler was far too good at accepting change, which meant that the man might pick up on the fact that Harley was no longer Y/n and the whole thing would fall apart. Honestly, it seemed like so much work. Harley wasn't sure why this plan was so important but Jerome was feeding off of it so Harley did it anyway because he'd said he would. If this is where Jerome lead, Harley would follow.

"So," Echo cut into the silence as she walked around pouring drinks. "How is everyone this evening?"

Harley smiled at her, amused. She was poorly hiding a sort of awkward expression that was dashed with a little humor. She was mocking them in her head; Harley could almost hear what she was thinking. A bunch of dumb boys sitting around a table unable to swallow their pride. Idiots. "Oh you know," Harley mumbled casually, shrugging. "Indulging." He motioned to his food but his words were obviously directed at the ambiance.

"Having a good time?" Echo asked.

"Not at all," Harley immediately answered with the same casual, chipper tone. Jeremiah choked on his drink as he laughed at the exchange. The humor delivered saltiness in Harley's voice and the passive aggressive mocking in Echo's had always been an exchange that could make Jeremiah chuckle at least a little. Echo and Harley were very good at banter and it lightened the mood significantly every time they went at it. After all, it was just in good fun. Bruce seemed to relax as a smile curled everyone else's lips. "So... Harley." His lips seemed to want to reject the name.

Harley's smile dropped. Hearing Bruce call him that made him uncomfortable. Not just because he was nervous about Bruce not calling him Y/n as he had all up until this point but because he had cut Bruce out of this new life very purposefully and now... he was in it anyway. "Yes?"

Echo sighed and left the room as she sensed Harley jerk back, even with her attempt to loosen everyone up. Jeremiah focused on his food. Bruce looked at Harley but Harley did not look back, instead choosing to stare at the door Echo had gone through. "Why Harley?"

That was an easy question. "When I was in Arkham, a few of the guards used to beat the shit out of me every single day to try and convince me to be straight." Harley looked Bruce in the eye when he said this, completely calm. He had long since gotten over it. "They even put me in isolation to keep me away from people who might protect me or care about me."

"Jerome." Bruce didn't form it like a question.

Harley answered anyway. "Yes. But see this is a smaller world than everyone thought and my therapist, Harleen Quinzel, became my friend instead. She's like me, but for girls." Bruce nodded, accepting that. "They couldn't kill me without having to mark me as a loss. That and they'd have lost their punching bag. To teach me a lesson, they killed her. And then made sure the TV that was never supposed to be on the news would be on the news, on just the channel and at just the time that would allow me to see her bloody, bruised, cold, dead body strewn out for the public to see. And no one gave a single shit because no crimes in Gotham get solved unless someone important is involved. And even then- well, you know first hand."

Bruce's expression grew very dark. "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," Harley purred, still eating as if he was talking about the weather.

Jeremiah has stopped eating. "People are really like that?" His voice was small and his eyes moved to Bruce, his hands tightening around his silverware as if picturing Bruce's face cold and dead and staring at him through a TV. Bruce felt his eyes and looked back to Jeremiah, but the red head averted his gaze to Harley instead. "I mean, people really act like that just because of... how someone loves?"

Harley nodded, swallowing the food in his mouth. It tasted like sand but he kept eating it. It made him feel powerful to while the others in the room had forgotten their food altogether. Although... Perhaps he hadn't chewed it as well as he thought because it felt as if it had gotten stuck somewhere along the way. A thick lump had lodged for a second and a sick feeling had settled in the bottom of his stomach. He hadn't thought about that image in so long... the daily bearings and the isolation and the one ray of light he'd gotten being extinguished and displayed because he had dared to be himself and therefore allowed her to do the same. Because they were different than how most people were.

"Do you know who did it?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah." That didn't seem to be the answer Bruce was expecting. "This isn't great table conversation," Harley eased, changing the subject. "But that is why I go by Harley. Do you like it?"

Bruce shrugged. "Do you still go by Wayne?"

Internally, Harley sighed. "Harley Quinn."

At that Bruce nodded. "You're not coming back are you?"

Harley laughed dryly. "You're not very good at casual, light conversation are you Brucey?"

"Don't call me that," Bruce snapped, body going stiff.

Rolling his eyes, Harley sat back in his seat. "Why not?" It came out harsher than Harley had meant it.

Meeting hostility with hostility, Bruce got angry as well. "Because that's what Jerome called me, and after how many times he tried to kill me it's not a name I like."

"Get over it," Harley sneered. "It's just a name and we're in Gotham. Trauma is kind of a part of life here. Adapt or get trampled."

Bruce jerked back. "Get over it? Since when are you...?" He trailed off, as if hesitating, before his face set and he finished his sentence with a much harder tone. "Like Jerome."

Harley felt his knuckles turn white. "Stop saying that like it's a bad thing." "It is!" Bruce hissed.

Harley shot to his feet, dropping his silverware on the table. Jeremiah flinched but Harley didn't notice. Bruce did. "Look, Jerome is fucked up and dark and broken. He doesn't have a grip on reality or know how to human because he wasn't fucking treated like one. He killed people. He was crazy and insane and unhinged and dangerous. Yeah! You know what else he was? He was understanding and accepting. He got why people lived their lives differently than he did and didn't really judge anyone, ever. He thought they were boring and chose to live differently, sure, but he lived to make people laugh and have fun. Maybe his sense of fun was fucked up, but he genuinely just wanted people to laugh along with him for once. He didn't hide who he really was. He wasn't ashamed. He didn't shun me and shove me in a corner and try to change me. He accepted who I was. He CELEBRATED me. I'd rather be with him than at this stupid fucking dinner or anywhere near you because I'm not some poor gay boy who needs saving. I'm strong and I matter and I FINALLY love myself, and you won't ever take that away from me because you see self respect and see Jerome because no one taught you that you are more important than everyone else. I refuse to sit here and let you try and turn me into some pathetic whiny brooding mess who's never happy because my priorities are fucked up. I won't be you. That isn't my goal anymore."

The room was dead quiet. For a long time, no one said anything. The brothers just stared each other down until Bruce shook his head. "Perhaps this was a bad idea."

Jeremiah pinched the bridge of his nose. "You guys are idiots." The other two in the room looked at the red head with shock. "My brother is dead, and honest to god it's a relief that he is. He's out of my life and I'm safe from him. I never had the chance to have a real relationship with him. I used to read the newspaper about your family and think that you guys were some kind of dream. Two brothers that loved each other despite everything and parents that were like... actually good people on any level." He sighed. "Obviously I was wrong. You're too busy trying to make him how he used to be." This he directed at Bruce. "And you're too busy hurting and bottling up your emotions and pushing everyone away to let anyone care about you or see the real you." This was for Harley. Jeremiah didn't stop when both other boys went to speak though. "Just shut up and make this work because you guys are the only true family you each have left. Harley, you grew up and I have to say you wear your changes very well. You're happier and sturdier and if someone isn't happy about that then they're insane. Right, Bruce?"

The Wayne boy hesitated before giving in. "Yeah. I am happy for you. I should have started with that. I just... I'm scared for you."

"Why?" Harley demanded, exasperated.

"Because I don't want you to become Jerome. I don't want you to end up like that. I don't want you to be some criminal, when you used to be the best person I knew. You said your life goal used to be being like me? No. I wanted so much to be like you. You couldn't speak about a huge part of you, but you accepted it with the knowledge no one else ever would. I refused to even look at the fact that I'm attracted to guys until you and Jerome got together and then..." his eyes shot to Jeremiah and then back. "Things happened and- and you were always so bright and happy and free. Like a bird in flight or- something." He shook his head. "You were inspiring, Y/n. Seeing you like this... it looks like you've been broken. And I just want to bring back that light you had before. When you seemed so much happier."

"I'm not broken." Harley looked at the boy who was supposed to be his brother. The boy who used to be his best friend before one lie after another had pulled them further and further apart until they were on completely opposite sides. Secrets had torn their relationship up into so many little bits it could never be repaired. They were just too different now. "I'm not lost or struggling. I'm just not... sitting there and pretending all the bad things aren't happening. The friends I have now actually like and respect me as a person, not just because I'm Y/n Wayne. I'm myself, proudly, and I wear my experiences as a reminder of what I can endure. Things hurt less. What you see isn't some poor boy waiting to be saved. It's darkness. And maybe that scares you, because you're used to hiding your darkness. But darkness, Bruce, isn't a bad thing. Darkness is what makes us who we are. Like everything it can be used as a weapon, but Darkness itself isn't dangerous. What you do with it is."

Bruce considered that for a long time. "That... is a good point."

Jeremiah released a breath. "So... truce?" The boys looked at each other before shrugging. Harley sat back down. Jeremiah seemed pleased. "Okay, now lets talk about something a little more pleasant."

"So you mean literally anything other than what any of us have been up to recently?" Harley sassed. Jeremiah shot him a look. "Okay fine whatever." He searched for some light conversation. "So you guys are like boyfriends now or what?"

That seemed to make Bruce and Jeremiah both blush and the air in the room cleared significantly. Harley pulled off being cheery and invested as he teased and prodded and asked questions and engaged. Things almost seemed like they used to be when Bruce and Y/n would sit with their parents and Bruce mentioned a girl and Y/n would go off about how he was going to be the best man or the world would surely end... but Harley wasn't Y/n and Jeremiah wasn't their parents. This wasn't Wayne Manor and as good of a server as Echo was, she wasn't a butler. She wasn't Alfred.

Under the light tone, Harley formed a plan. A plan he carried out as he and Bruce began to hang out more and more as time passed that night and stretched for a while. Jerome became nocturnal in favor of being awake when Harley finally returned at home. The boys would spend some time together and then sleep and then Harley would wake up and go out and spend time with Bruce and Jeremiah again. Slowly the time with the other boys began to cut into Harley's time with Jerome and both he and Harley were getting restless. They'd begun arguing about it.

"Stay in tonight," Jerome whined.

"Bruce wants me to come back to Wayne manor tonight." Harley sighed, an odd expression on his face. "I've finally earned his trust and am getting along with him - as much as it pains me. I think Jeremiah is talking to him when I'm not around, convincing him to behave and respect my boundaries. He calls me Harley and has stopped expecting me to be the person I used to be. I don't know, I think he'll be enough to convince Alfred though I might have to try a tad harder." He rubbed his forehead. "Soon I'm sure I'll be chummy with them again and that'll definitely lead to interacting with all of Bruce's friends - which will be a whole other adventure of its own."

Jerome huffed. "If you're going back to Wayne manor, won't Bruce want you to move back in?"

The thought had occurred to Harley if he was being honest. Where did he draw the line in being buddy buddy with his brother again? Where did he stop things? How far did Jerome want him to go? "Probably," Harley voiced, shrugging. There was a long pause. Jerome was more guarded than he usually was and it set Harley on edge. When the red head did speak, it was in a dangerously quiet tone. "Would you go?"

"W- would you want me to?" Harley was distracted by the way Jerome's Adam's Apple moved when he swallowed.

Jerome hummed. "So this is still about what I want?"

That made Harley defensive. "You think I'm dealing with my arrogant brother because I want to?" It had a biting edge to it.

"And what about my brother?" Jerome pushed.

Now Harley was confused. "Jerome I did all of this for you. To convince them you were dead so you'd be free to have some free time and then make your grand entrance whenever you wanted to. I did this because you asked me to." Jerome rolled his eyes. "You've been gone a lot. You come home... lighter. You enjoy your time with them."

"I'm sorry, you WANT me to come home miserable?" Harley sneered, his hands coiling into fists.

Jerome's eyes darkened. Harley realized what was happening. Before he could react, Jerome's hand shot out, fingers curling around Harley's throat. Jerome pressed his boyfriend against the closest wall, his face close and words sharp like knives. "You're getting angry again. Talking to me like that, as if I'm one of our dumb brothers or that blonde idiot Jeremiah carries around. You might have been gone for a while now, but SURELY not long enough to have forgotten to respect me."

Harley gasped, eyes fluttering closed. Jerome's grip wasn't dangerous but it could go that way if Harley wasn't careful. Jerome only ever got like this when he was frustrated. Usually when he was bored and wanted to do something other than sit around. To be fair, he was cooped up which was something he HATED to be. He hated feeling trapped. And on top of that Harley had been spending less and less time around the place. It was a miracle the redhead had behaved so long. Harley had spent more nights with Jeremiah, talking to Bruce so late into the night and fake catching up and playing nice that it was just easier for them both stay at Jeremiah's. Alfred had even gotten used to a simple text from Bruce letting the older man know where he was and that he was safe. If Bruce wasn't home by 10pm Alfred had come to expect that he wouldn't be back at all. It had become a sort of habit.

Perhaps Harley had been a tad neglectful.

He sighed, letting his guard down and releasing all the tension he'd gained from being around Bruce. Jerome didn't deserve this. "I'm sorry, you're right." Jerome didn't let up. "Oh so you shoot me puppy dog eyes and say sorry and that's supposed to be it?" Harley could feel his insides warming as Jerome grew closer, the air in the room slowly becoming infected with sexual tension. The sudden mood change was hard for Y/n to switch gears to, even though he was immediately eager. "You've forgotten who you belong to."

"I-"

Jerome's hand tightened on Harley's throat, cutting off any attempt to speak. "What was that?" Harley coughed a little as the initial shock took him off guard. His eyes fluttered but he could still breathe which is what mattered. "Come on, Harley. Come on, Y/n." Harley jerked at the name. "Is that what you want me to call you? Is that who you want to be?"

Harley wasn't dealing with that shit. His body jerked, arms wrapping around Jerome. He pulled hard, twisting to turn Jerome around so he'd have to let Harley go, or risk hurting his arm. As predicted, Jerome let go. Harley twisted their bodies with extreme force, pushing Jerome's face into the wall aggressively. "What the fuck did you call me?" He growled. The words were raw from his throat being a little sore. It made Jerome smile. "Answer me. Now." Harley let his free hand thread into Jerome's hair. He pulled, the red head squirming underneath him as it began to hurt. "I said, now."

"I called you Y/n," Jerome answered softly. His tone was half reluctance and half defiance. He didn't want to answer Harley like he'd been told to, but saying the name again did give him power.

Harley leaned back, pulling Jerome away from the wall just by his hair. He dragged him over to the bed. "Kneel. Now." Jerome was giggling as Y/n hurt him, getting off on the pain. "NOW, Valeska!" Jerome smirked, taking his precious time with following the order. When he was down, Y/n maneuvered his face into the bed. "Stay there. If you move, I will know and you will be punished. I will be back in a moment." He left Jerome there, ducking out of the bedroom to the trunk in the bathroom, shoved in the closet. He opened it, pushing around some things they'd collected in their time together. This was the stuff they used when things got more kinky. Handcuffs Jerome had gotten from cops even before he and Y/n were together. Rope from a construction sight. Some things were specifically from sex stores - stolen of course.

Ignoring most of it, Harley grabbed the handcuffs and went back into the room. He returned to see Jerome had indeed moved. In fact he was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands. He was smirking at Harley, a dare in his eyes. The red head seemed to be expecting Harley to lose his shit, but Harley didn't. Instead, he got very still, thinking. That seemed to actually make Jerome nervous.

Slipping the handcuffs into his back pocket, Harley slowly approached Jerome. His eyes cut into Jerome's soul, his jaw so tightly shut that Jerome shivered. "What, you think you're going to look at me and-?"

Jerome didn't get to finish his sentence. Out of nowhere, unexpectedly, Harley backhanded Jerome, causing the sitting boy's head to snap to the side. The red head was shocked, but found his stomach twisting with the familiar sensation of arousal. This wasn't like when he was a kid. Harley was calm and controlled - even his hit was direct. There was a safety in the way that Harley controlled himself. Jerome didn't fear him. It left room to enjoy what was happening. Harley gripped Jerome's jaw, bringing the red head's brown eyes around to meet his. "What did I say when I left the room, Jerome?" Harley not using a pet name in a sexual situation made Jerome shift nervously. Was Harley actually mad? "You told me not to move."

Harley released a breath, smirking as he got turned on just by getting Jerome to answer his question without being pushed. When Jerome was being bratty, he refused Harley any amount of control. So when he let up even the smallest amount, it never failed to excite Harley. "And what did you do?" Unwilling to let Harley win twice in a row, Jerome shrugged. Harley slapped him again. The red head blinked, breathing sharply outward as he felt the stinging on his face. "I moved."

A hum came from Harley as he stood, crossing his arms. "You know I had to punish you for using the wrong name, but it was going to be pretty light. Now..." Jerome shivered under that look - like Harley was trying to figure just how to kill him. "I'm going to take your clothes off Jerome. If you fight me, you'll get immediate punishment do you understand?" Jerome nodded. Harley rose an eyebrow.

"Yes, Daddy."

That seemed to please Harley. He stopped glaring at least. First Harley removed Jerome's shirt. Then he gently nudged Jerome, and the redhead followed the flow and laid back on the bed. Harley then removed his pants, and his socks one at a time. Slowly. Jerome felt himself get antsy. "Do you want something, baby?" Harley asked evenly.

"I'm fine," Jerome responded.

Unfortunately for him, his erection gave him away. "You don't want me to do... anything?" Harley asked again, pausing to look at Jerome very carefully.

The redhead looked back for a long time, a battle happening between the two men. Jerome lost. "Jesus Christ Harley, touch me."

That got Harley to smile. "Ask nicely J, or I'm going to have to punish you." Jerome went to glare but Harley reached up, threading his fingers through Jerome's hair and pulling roughly. "Listen here bitch, I'm not here to mess around. You're going to listen to me or you're going to regret it, understand?" They had come a long way since having sex in a cell and trying to keep quiet. Back then, Harley had fumbled and blushed a lot and been overwhelmed very easily. Back then, Jerome would stretch out, getting comfortable as he bossed Harley around - a true power bottom. Or, he would top, and then he'd get very soft and quiet and affectionate... Well, compared to how he usually was when he was impossible to please and degrading to an extent that had driven Harley insane.

Now adays, things were different. There was a huge power play between the two men constantly, and endlessly pushing buttons. What would often happen was that Harley would be a bit of a brat but otherwise let Jerome blow off steam, unless it was a day that Jerome desperately wanted Harley to "take hold and ruin" him. A direct quote from the ginger. On those days, Jerome did what he did best: he kept talking. He said all the things he knew would piss off Harley the most, like calling him by his old name. He would make Harley snap and then Harley would retaliate exactly how he wanted.

Not today.

"Fuck, you're such a baby," Jerome grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I'm bored with you playing daddy, I already know all your moves and we both know that you're just going to give me what I want anyways. You're a soft top, Sweetheart." He was smirking, proudly flaunting the power he usually had over Harley.

Today though, Jerome had pushed him too much. After all the shit he'd gone through with Jeremiah and Bruce, hearing Jerome call him Y/n had pushed him in a way that had sent him over the edge. And if he was being honest, he had his own frustrations. He wanted to run free as much as Jerome did and break things and scream as loudly as he wanted and sock his stupid brother in his face any time he dare even mention Jerome's name in Harley's presence. He was tired of behaving. He was tired of feeling like some toy. He was tired of being used. He was really, REALLY fucking tired of being ignored, too.

Harley's smile was dangerous. Jerome looked at him, unsure of what was going through the other boy's head. "You know, you have a little too much attitude for someone who's currently desperate for me to touch him. You want something from me? You need to learn some respect." Harley reached over, grabbing Jerome's wrist and forcing it toward the top of the bed. It happened so fast that only when Harley had used one cuff to get Jerome's right hand, and then had threaded the second cuff through the bars at the head of the bed, did Jerome react.

"HEY!"

At the outburst, Harley didn't hesitate to slap Jerome again. The redhead gasped, body shivering. He would absolutely never admit it, but this kind of aggression had always turned him on, when he was comfortable with the person. He'd wanted someone to be like this with him for ages, but not many people were willing to go far enough to please Jerome Valeska. By the way Harley was looking at him right now, this time might be different.

"I didn't give you permission to speak. Granted, I didn't tell you to shut up either so I'll be forgiving, but if you shout at me one more time you will regret it." He gripped Jerome's other wrist, cuffing that as well. Now Jerome's hands were over his head, trapped by the cuffs and the bar. "If you want to say something, I want you to address me first. I will allow you to continue then. Or I will not." Jerome hesitated, then nodded, intrigued by this side of Harley even he had not the pleasure of exploring before.

What came next surprised Jerome. Harley didn't take him right there, rough and hot. He didn't move slowly around and tease until Jerome wa a desperate mess of begs and whimpers. Harley didn't touch him at all. In fact, he moved off of the bed completely. He left the room even, returning a moment with a chair. Only then did he undo his own clothes, only lowering his pants enough to allow himself access his erection. He didn't even pull his pants off all the way! Jerome felt completely exposed, tied up and naked for viewing pleasure, when Harley was so far away and completely dressed.

To Jerome's intense frustration, Harley sat down on the chair and began stroking himself, eyes on Jerome. Harley's eyes were wide and lust blown, his tongue flicking out every once in a while to wet his lips. After a while, his eyes fluttered shut and his head tilted back just a little as a small moan came from him.

Jerome shifted. He was getting uncomfortable with how long he'd been hard without being touched, and watching Harley be like this was not helping. Jerome really liked to be involved in sexual acts. He had gotten rather pouty anytime Harley was caught masterbating, and there had been an unspoken rule that Harley didn't really restrain Jerome for stuff like this. If Harley wanted to be touched, Jerome would touch him. They both preferred it that way. This was ridiculous, and frankly rude. Jerome wasn't going to give Harley the upper hand. This was a low blow and he wasn't going to let Harley get away with it.

As Harley continued though, getting more into it and completely ignoring Jerome, it was becoming increasingly hard to keep his mouth shut. Trying to play it off like he didn't care as much as he did, Jerome finally spoke up. It had seemed an eternity for him, but it had actually only been a few seconds and Harley had to swallow his smile to not give himself away. "Okay Harley, very funny. Let me touch you. I'm sorry I called you the other name. You know I can do this better than you can. Let me out." When Harley continued to ignore Jerome, the cuffed ginger raised his voice. "LET ME OUT!"

"Why?" Harley growled, eyes finally on Jerome again. "Because you told me to? Because you asked me to?" He stood, pulling his pants up again. "I'm not your little bitch Jerome, you're mine. You want to kill someone? Fine. You want to steal or break something? Fine! But you don't call me by that name. You don't mess with me, because I'm all you got. If you want me to leave, you ask like a big kid."

Jerome's lips twitched, slowly rising into a smile. "Are you actually mad at me?"

Harley grinned. "No, not really." They both cracked up, losing it for a few extended seconds. Then Harley cut off and Jerome faded into quiet, soft chuckles as Harley began to speak. "I respect you, J. My little joker." He moved towards the bed, caressing Jerome's cheek. The ginger leaned into the touch, his eyes closing. He fed off of the contact, as if it was a drug or he was starving and the gesture fed him. Harley smiled softly. "You gotta respect me too. You don't have to piss me off to get me to break you, joker. All you have to do is ask me nicely, like a good boy. Do all the bad things you want. But not to me."

A sigh escaped Jerome, and then he finally gave in. "If I behave will you let me out? I want you to touch me. Please."

That pleased Harley. "That's what I wanted to hear." He leaned back a little, eyes scanning Jerome's exposed body. "I will let you out. And then it's time to play for real." His eyes glinted with a darkness that made Jerome jerk in expectation. Needless to say, Harley didn't disappoint.

Story Tags: @wanna-plan-world-domination

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turinn · 3 years

Text

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

#🌙. by me #new fandom lads lets go!#i had a migraine earlier and now i cant remember how i tag fics help #ikemen revolution #ikerev #ikerev x reader #ikemen revolution x reader #ikerev x mc #ikemen revolution x mc #ray blackwell #ray blackwell x reader #ray blackwell x mc #☆ ikerev #♥️; ray blackwell

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conaionaru · 4 years

Text

Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

Beginnings and endings

Synopsis: The naming ceremony and Silas’s punishment

Warnings: Murder, angst, fluff, gore

Tags:

@youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @didiintheblog @lol-haha-joke @shannygoatgruff @heavenly1927 @chynagirl13 @queenbeeta @thereareendlessopportunities @astridbaby

I don’t own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. If you want to be tagged please write me<3

Vanya sat in the Great Hall next to Ivar in a new white dress, her hair loose around her shoulders. She observed the marks on the table, trailing her fingers over them. Everyone around her talked, too, focused on their plans of Silas's punishment to even notice her despair.

The man from her dreams, Hoenir, sat on her right, while Ivar sat on her left. Brynja and Margrethe run around their table, serving their meal. It has been two days since Vanya returned home. She got some deserved rest, but her mind was plagued with her worries.

They wouldn't let her see her son; sometimes, when everything grew quiet, she could hear him cry. It tore at her heart, but according to the healers, she was in no state to be near a newborn. During her time on the run, she caught a cold, her fever was high, and she felt like throwing up after every meal.

Listening to the Ragnarsson, Aslaug, Floki, and Helga argue about what to do with Silas wasn't what she yearned to do. "Are you alright, Vanya?" Brynja questioned her a soft hand on her shoulder, steadying the swaying princess. Vanya nodded tiredly and leaned against Ivar's shoulder.

The Viking entwined their hands together and kissed her damp temple.

He asked her to stay in bed, but Vanya knew she had to be there, no matter how much she hated it. She sentenced Silas to death; it's her duty to help choose the way he will die. "Let's burn him alive," Hvitserk suggested once again, causing his brothers to roll their eyes.

"Slit his throat, that's what he wanted to happen to Vanya." Sigurd countered, but the others disagreed again.

"Too kind, it must be more painful and drawn out." Ivar reminded them, his left hand in a tight fist while his right one squeezed Vanya's hand tighter, to remember that she is here.

Floki raised his cup and giggled in the mad way he always does. "Skin him alive." He offered but was shot down as well. Everyone kept suggesting different methods of execution, all rejected one by one. It was getting tiring for Vanya, draining her of the last bits of strength she regained.

"Maybe you should lay down, Vanya. You don't look so good." Ubbe softly told her, looking at her with tender eyes. She looked broken, her left hand wrapped in bandages to cover her cut. There was also a bandage on the cauterized wound on her shoulder. It would scar, which she didn't care about. Ivar was right; it was a sign of survival, a proof of her strength.

She shook her head and straightened in her seat to look healthier than she felt. "I can't sleep or rest anymore. I need to be here so Silas can be dealt with. He needs to die a painful death, I promised him that, and that's what will happen. No arrows or drowning or hanging. My brother needs to suffer as I suffered; at least I am sparing him the pain of not knowing if you will survive." She spat angrily, slumping back in her chair, exhausted. How pathetic was she? She couldn't even talk without getting tired.

She sighed and moved to stand up, Hoenir rising as well. The silent stranger followed her around like a shadow. He sat in front of her hut with his sword drawn, only letting family and Brynja in. The servant found his mysteriousness and silence charming, Vanya found it eerie. She yearned for human contact, not a silent wall lurking around. Ivar spent every waking moment by her side as well, always checking on her and touching her in some way. More for his sanity than her's.

He didn't check on their son either, too afraid to leave her alone. Vanya was thankful for his protectiveness; she missed it. But she yearned for her son as well, what if he was sick as well?

Vanya made her way towards their chambers and laid down to sleep with Ivar by her side, wrapped around her like a vice, but still somehow comforting. She could feel his chest fall and rise against her back, but sleep wouldn't take her. Her eyes were wide open, and her heartbeat frantically, on guard despite being safe. Nightmares plagued her rest nearly every night, dreams of drowning, freezing, or waking up to her son's corpse in her arms.

Everyone treated her like a broken toy, too scarred by what happened to her to be whole again. In the end, Silas had won. Nine months ago, he sent her here to wither and die. And now she looks half dead and feels hollow. With a shuttering breath, Vanya slowly crawled out of Ivar's arms and into the street, walking past Hoenir, who slept by the door. She shook him awake and made him follow her to the hut where Silas is held.

"Are you sure you want to see him?" The Silent wandered questioned her, but the ginger only nodded and ordered the guards to let her in.

The hut was lit with candles and smelled of wine and piss. Two aromas that Silas always despised, how fitting that it would be the last things he would know. "She lives." A voice rasped from a corner startling her.

With some difficulty and grunts, Silas rose from his hiding place behind the bed. He looked just as bad as her. Two days in a cell, and he was filthy, drunk, and pathetic. It suited him, pain, and despair. "You look terrible."

He chuckled and collapsed back into a chair, the furniture nearly topping over from the force. "I always imagined myself immortal. Forever alive and in people's minds. And here I am. Covered in piss, looking like some kitchen rat." He spat on the ground glaring at everything around him.

Vanya took his sorry state in, tucking it into the back of her mind to remember him by. Not the cruel King with a crown on his head, but as nothing better than a beggar with one foot in the grave. "You are human, just like everyone else. Everyone dies, Silas. Even Kings."

Silas scoffs and hurls his cup towards her, the guards and Hoenir barge in but stand back when Vanya raises a hand, palm facing Silas. "It's alright. Please leave." The three men leave brother and sister alone to talk. One last conversation before Silas pays for his crimes.

Her brother watches the display of power that Vanya possesses and reached towards the last piece of bread he had left. He tore at it like a savage, disgusting even himself. All his grace and power stripped away by his sister, how the tables have turned. "You mean Father, don't you?"

Vanya looked at him, puzzled, unaware of what he meant by the comment. But Silas didn't wait for her to question him, he pointed the finger at her and chuckled. "You always talked of that bastard. Alive or dead, you worshipped him, even though there was nothing special about him. You have no idea what kind of inconsiderate prick he was."

"Father was a good person, far better than you or me." Vanya insisted, not letting him insult their late father.

Silas sneered and threw a piece of bread at her, that she batted away before it hit her face. She frowned at his ridiculous behavior, fed up with his dramatics. "Of course, you would think that you were his favorite. You were the obedient child with big sad doe eyes. Do you know what I was? I was the embarrassment, the reject. I was three, and he called me a monster. All because I didn't follow his rules."

The ginger shook her head and walked closer to Silas. "Father loved you, but you were always so quick to start a fight. He tried to make you a good king, but you rejected him, and now here we are."

"Ah, yes, here we are. The Monster and the Gifted one." Silas swallowed the last piece of bread and spread his arms wide in a mocking gesture. He didn't love me, or you or anyone else. Osmond used people, you stupid wench! He married a girl half his age, filled her with seed, and when the child didn't meet his expectations, he threw them both away and fucked everything pretty. And then you were born, perfect little Vanya - the Gracious gift of God. You nodded along to everything and did as he said. Other than me, who had his own opinions."

Vanya scoffed and licked her dry lips to hold back the foul words on the tip of her tongue. "Father was a good King and a better parent than Mother. You spat, beat, and laughed at other children. You were always rotten, Silas. And Father knew it, so did Mother."

"I did it to get attention; no one would pay attention to the reject! Before you were born, I was the perfect firstborn. But not to him! To Father, I was the little monstrosity that refused to keep quiet about his affair. I was three and saw him fucking another woman. I told Mother, and he grew angry with me, by the time you were born, I was a bastard in their eyes. The one that destroyed their marriage, as if I was the one getting his dick wet behind my wife's back."

The princess stared at Silas in shock, Osmond always said that his son was born cruel. To think all of the cruelty, hate, and violence came from their parent's treatment. Siflaed was a neglectful mother, and it turns out Osmond was no better. Vanya always saw him as a smart man with good intentions, when in truth, he was nothing like that.

"He was a good King, true. But a terrible Father, husband, and person. Just like me." Silas smirked at his small victory, while Vanya frowned at him. "He treated you better because you were naive and gullible. All the talk of duty, putting the kingdom first and God. You were born to be a bargaining chip, just like Mother, married off to the highest bidder. Face it; there is no kindness in our blood."

"I am not you or them!" Vanya insisted, causing Silas to laugh.

"If that's what you like to believe."

Vanya slammed her hands against the table, startling Silas. She huffed and got in his face, her eyes as cold as ice. "You did horrible things to me and everyone around you. I am nothing like you."

"If you want to blame anyone, then blame Stithulf."

"Stithulf didn't order men to murder three people!" Vanya spat at him, remembering the blonde man who talked to her about Silas as a King. How charming he seemed, the two-faced bastard.

"He reminded me what a threat you and your child pose to my reign. He told me the only way to ensure my glory and throne was to kill anyone who wants to take it away. First you and your child, then Mother's brother Æthelric. He said I was meant to rule, that the world would remember me. And they will. These heathens of yours will kill me, probably torture as well. And the church will name me a martyr for my faith, and history will remember me as Silas the Great." Silas boasted, throwing his arms around and nearly falling out of his chair in the process.

Vanya shook her head and looked at the cross on his desk, the one he gifted her, their father's cross. "Only those who lived a righteous life can be names martyrs. You executed, hurt, and humiliated people. You are no saint, Silas, and the church won't care for your death. Terrible people don't go to heaven."

The older Saxon rose from the chair and leaned against the table, looking into his wine cup. "Then, I shall see you in Hell. That's where you heathen scum will all go. And we can burn side by side as we did in our cribs." He raised his cup and downed it in one go before letting it slip through his fingers and hit the ground. "Farewell, Sister."

He stumbled towards his bed and collapsed on it face first, his white shirt falling lower, exposing his shoulder blades. Vanya watched his naked back, she then turned on her heel and left the hut to return to her own. She made a decision. Yesterday Ivar explained to her all the ways Vikings executed people, and one seemed perfect to Vanya now.

Her husband sat up in their bed, looking at Vanya with tired eyes. "Where did you go? Are you hurt?"

"Blood eagle," Vanya answered, confusing Ivar further.

"What?"

She sighed and sat down next to him, looking into his eyes. "The way we should kill Silas. You should Blood Eagle him after the naming ceremony." She explained as Ivar nodded, still confused about the sudden decision.

Vanya closed her eyes and took a deep breath, feeling her shoulders get lighter. As if the weight on them dropped, making breathing easier than before. She opened her icy eyes again and stared into her husband's stormy hues. "What is it, Min elskede (My beloved)?"

She chuckled at the tender tone, having missed the endearment more than she thought was possible. "I was terrified out there, Ivar. I thought I would never see you or Kattegat ever again." Tears gathered in her eyes, her lips shaking from the oncoming sobs.

Ivar cupped her cheek and wiped her tear away with his thumb. "You are here now. And nobody will ever take you away from me. I will never let anyone harm you or our son again."

Vanya sobbed and flung herself into his arms, breathing in his scent and hugging him tightly, as if it was all a dream that would disappear if she let go. "From now on, you never have to be afraid, Vanya. I will protect you both. No one, not even death, will ever lay a hand on you again!"

Ivar kissed her temple before she pulled back and stared into his eyes, looking for any sign of lies or uncertainty. But she found none, all she saw was honesty and rage. Anger that he let anyone harm them. "You have to swear it, Ivar! Promise me." She begged desperately, afraid to ever have to fight for her life again.

"I promise and swear on my life and the Gods. I will never, ever let anyone harm you or our son. No matter what it might take to keep you both safe, I will do everything and more to protect you. From now on, you'll both be safe and sound. I oath not to enter Vallhalla if I brake this promise. I swear on my arm ring."

Vanya leaned against his chest and sighed in satisfaction, with one less problem on her mind, she slept easier. Her son's absence still plagued her mind, but the sooner everything was done, the sooner she could have him in her arms again.

The next morning, five days since their son's birth, they all stood gathered in the Great Hall once again, revealing the plan to Blood Eagle Silas. "And who will do it? Ivar can't stand." Sigurd pointed out, making his brother snarl at him.

"It doesn't matter. We can give him a chair, or let someone else do it." Vanya jumped in before a fight broke out. She was in no mood to watch them argue; the most important thing right now is that Silas dies; it doesn't matter by whose hand.

Everyone nodded, looking at the wedded couple glued to each other's hip. Vanya still looked sick and weak, but the more she clung to Ivar, the straighter her back got, and the higher she held her head. She was gaining back the confidence she gathered during her nine months of marriage to their brother. There were still bits of fear and edginess visible, but with Ivar and Hoenir shadowing her, she breathed easier.

"You are on edge." Sigurd pointed out, voicing what everyone was thinking. Vanya locked gaze with him and smiled to reassure them.

"I..." A cry interrupted her sentence; a child was crying somewhere. "I miss my son, that's all. They still won't let me see him."

Aslaug frowned at the information and looked at her youngest son for confirmation. Ivar nodded and took Vanya's hand in his, trying to comfort his sad wife. The Queen rose from her seat and left the Ragnarssons, Vanya, Torvi, and Hoenir.

When she returned, it was with the sound of a crying infant. She opened the door with a babe in her arms, cradling it softly, trying to calm it down. "Mother?" Questioned Ubbe, confused, carrying his nephew towards Vanya.

The ginger looked at Aslaug bewildered, as the older woman laid the child into her arms. "You went through hours of horrendous labor and near death for this child. If anyone deserves to hold him, it is you." Aslaug smiled at Vanya, who hugged her son closer to her, the boy calming down the moment he smelled her scent.

The child reached out with his little hand and grasped a fiery lock, playing with it while staring up at her, sniffling slightly. Vanya smiled at his teary gaze and wiped his tears, stroking his smooth chubby cheek. "Looks like he just missed his mother. What a surprise from Ivar's child."

Aslaug and Vanya frowned at Sigurd's comment but ignored it as Ivar was too engrossed at looking at the little version of himself in his wife's arms. "That is the safest child in Kattegat." Hvitserk pointed out, looking at the calm baby slobbering over Vanya's hair.

Bjorn snorted and patted Vanya and Ivar on the shoulder. "With a mother ready to burn kingdoms down and a father into ritual sacrifice? It only fits with a grandson of Ragnar Lothbrok."

The others nodded along while Vanya looked at Ivar with a raised eyebrow. At Ivar's confused stare, she smiled down at the babe. "Hold your hands out, Ivar. You should hold him too."

Ivar looked at the frail newborn and shook his head. "I will drop him, Vanya."

The redhead rolled her eyes and passed the child towards him despite his protests. "You are holding him with your arms, not your legs. Bond with him, he didn't see that much of you." She spoke softly, not meaning it in a mean way.

With tender eyes, Ivar looked at his son, noting the wiggling legs under the fur. He would walk one day, run around just like Ivar's brothers could. At least in something, the gods were merciful; they listened to his prayers and made his son strong and healthy. Just like his mother prophesied, and his son would be like his grandmother. He would have visions, Hoenir, and Aslaug were sure of it.

"Did you think of a name?" Ubbe asked, watching his serene nephew.

"Yes. But it's a surprise." Vanya revealed giggling at Torvi and Hvitserk, cooing at the babe who frowned at them in return.

In the heathen culture, nine days after a babe is born, the naming ceremony is held. Vatni ausinn is a ritual where the father acknowledges the child and names it. Ivar sat in a chair with their son on his knee, sprinkling the babe with water.

"My son, Aros!" He announced to the room while his babe everyone cheered in delight. Ubbe nudged Vanya, who stood next to him, clapping. The redhead looked up at him with a questioning look at the older males smug look.

"From the river's mouth? Really?" He asked about the name meaning while Vanya shrugged.

"It fits, does it not?"

"I guess it does." He looked back towards his little brother, cradling his firstborn lovingly. "Aros Ivarsson."

After the ceremony, Ivar and Vanya returned to their hut, with Hoenir following behind them. Her husband was about to order some thralls to fill their tub with water when Brynja ran towards them. "Wait, My Prince. Let me do it. I would like to spend some time with Vanya anyway. If you were to permit it."

Ivar looked at Vanya in question, but the ginger smiled at him reassuringly. "Go. I could use a distraction before tomorrow. And Hoenir will be outside; we will be fine. Have fun with your brothers." She reassured him, kissing his forehead and sending him off.

The Prince and wanderer left the hut, the girls cold Hoenir sitting outside on the bench, but ignored his presence. Vanya turned on her heel to look at Brynja, who smiled at her softly, her eyes glassy.

"What's wrong? Are you unwell?" Vanya frantically ran to the other redhead's side, pulling her towards the bed to sit down. Brynja laughed at the worried mother and shook her head, her curls bouncing around her.

"I am just happy to see you again. My life would be very boring without you, My Princess." She confessed, hugging Vanya, careful of the sleepy babe in her arms. Vanya embraced the older ginger with her left arm, enjoying the affection Brynja gave her.

Truth is Brynja is her only true friend here, that she befriended outside of marriage. Of course, Ubbe, Torvi, Hvitserk, and Bjorn are her friends as well. But if it weren't for her marriage to Ivar, she would have never talked to them. Vanya liked to believe her, and Brynja would be friends even if it weren't for Ivar. If she ever were to get divorced, Brynja would still be her friend.

The curly-haired ginger had a pure heart, contagious smile, and shared Vanya's love for children. She gave the best advice and listened to her complaining without any remarks. For every complaint Vanya told her, Brynja gave two. Servant or not, she was a good girl and an even better friend.

"I bought you a gift!" Brynja cheered, letting Vanya put Aros into his crib. Floki made it for the babe from the boat meant to serve as their coffin if they were found dead. It was quite morbid, but Vanya didn't mind it that much, and Aros seemed comfortable.

The Viking girl showed her a present wrapped in a cloth. She laid it on Vanya's lap and mentioned for her to open it. Brynja was giddy, and in turn, Vanya became giddy as well, she unwrapped the gift and looked inside to see the neckline of a dress. The fabric was blue with white lacings.

"You bought me a dress?" Vanya asked, confused, looking up at the sheepish ginger.

"Made actually. It's not as pretty as the ones you make or the ones you buy. I don't know how to make dresses like that, so it's plainer." Brynja apologized, frowning down at the dress, no longer as excited as before.

Vanya shook her head and walked towards the mirror with the gift in hand. Watching herself in the mirror, Vanya marveled at the simple dress. It wasn't as lavish as the dresses Vanya was used to having, but she liked its look. "It's beautiful. I bet it's comfortable as well." She reassured the other female twirling around with the dress to see it flow in the air.

"I made it for your name day, but I didn't get to give it to you." With a bashful smile, Brynja watched the Princess gush over the dress. It took her a long time to make the dress, but the smile was worth all her frustration with the fabric. And all the times her father laughed at her pricking her finger.

Vanya turned on her heel and looked at Brynja, shocked. "You wasted money on me!" She cried out mortified, the fact that the poor girl bought fabric to create the dress. But Brynja shook her head and shrugged the issue off.

The young mother carefully set the dress down on the bed and skipped to her wardrobe to look inside. "You must choose one of mine, even if you sell it. I can't just accept a gift like that and give you nothing in return!"

Brynja shook her head at the frantic Princess and observed her rummaging through all the dresses she owned. "That's what gifts are for, Vanya. You give them out of love, not expecting anything back."

"Nonsense!" Vanya fussed and turned towards the other ginger. Brynja's smile was tired, and her eyes pleading. She didn't want anything in return, but that didn't sit with Vanya. "Choose whatever dress you want. If not for yourself, then for me. You gave me a gift out of love. So chose yours."

Brynja smiled at that and walked to the closet to find a dress for herself. In the end, she chose a purple one with long dark sleeves. "Purple. Like your favorite flowers."

"You remember?" Brynja blinked at Vanya in astonishment while Vanya mockingly rolled her eyes, smirking.

She circled the older female in front of the mirror and stopped behind her, propping her chin on her shoulder. "Of course, I remember. I always remember small things like that. But don't ask me anything important. I do forget these things very easily." Brynja chuckled and felt the soft fabric with her fingers, liking the feel of it. It was obviously expensive, but the servant wouldn't complain to Vanya. "How is your father, anyway? Is he better?"

Brynja hummed and laid the dress on the bed, neatly folding it and wrapping it in the cloth from Vanya's gift. "Stronger every day, which he keeps showing off. I think he fell in love with the neighbor's widow. He keeps running around shirtless and lifting heavy things."

Vanya laughed at the image of Brynja's father only in his breeches, smiling every time he sees the widow. "Maybe he is taking the lack of children in his own hands. Trying to create some little ones on his own."

"Oh, gods! I hope not; he is too old." Brynja gagged and smirked at Vanya, crowding closer and whispering into her ear. "I would rather make some of my own. But there are no men good enough."

The Princess sighed and sat down on her bed, looking up at the cheeky ginger. "And why are you whispering? Are you afraid that the man outside might hear?"

"I saw his face once, quite handsome. A bath would do him wonders. And new clothes." Brynja confessed, gushing over Hoenir. The seventeen-year-old mother shook her head, and teasingly smiled at Brynja.

"My, my, is someone in love?"

"Hush, Vanya! Or I will regret missing you at all!" Brynja joked back, fake glaring at the taller girl, while she laughed it off. It was good to be back and joke around, forgetting what is going to happen tomorrow.

The two girls walked to the door after the bath was prepared, saying goodbye for the night. Vanya watched her go with a small smile, thankful for her visit. She then turned on her heel and sat down next to Hoenir, who looked at her in confusion.

At least she suspected it to be confusion; it's hard to tell in the dark when he has his hood on. "I wanted to thank you for the advice you gave me in my dreams."

"No need to do that. You would have survived anyway; I had a vision of our meeting. It couldn't happen if you died before we met. My job now is to make certain you don't die from here on." His voice was smooth, yet a little bit rusty and monotone like always. She wondered if he felt any emotions or just his them pretty well.

"Then I thank you for that instead. But I wish for you to find a hut, not just a bench or a piece of fur outside of ours."

Hoenir shook his head and looked down at her cold frame. "I need to be near if somebody were to attack you."

"Ivar will be with me."

"Doesn't mean you will be safe."

Vanya sighed and looked out towards the sleepy streets of Kattegat, smiling softly. "I am safe. I am home, surrounded by friends and family. I have nothing to fear."

Hoenir scoffed and leaned back, ignoring the persistent ginger by his side. Vanya looked at him, expecting an explanation of his behavior, but he gave her none. "Say what you want to, Hoenir. If we are to spend a lot of time together, you should be able to say what you want to."

"You are very annoying."

"I know. Get used to it." She smiled at him cheekily, causing him to shake his head and stand up. Vanya looked at him in confusion, till he pointed at a crawling shape in the dark.

"Your husband's coming. And I have a hut to find. I don't want to hear anything I shouldn't." Vanya nodded, satisfied until the meaning behind the words hit her.

"We wouldn't if you were outside! That's so improper!" She scolded him, blushing madly. Did Hoenir really think that she and Ivar would sleep together if he were right outside their door?

He shrugged his broad shoulders and pulled his cloak tighter around his body. "You never know. I believe I have to take a bath, as well."

Vanya looked at him, shocked, and blushed even harder. "You heard?"

"Some of it. I am a better listener than a talker. So get used to it as well, Princess."

"Call me, Vanya. Please."

"As you wish, Vanya. Goodnight, Sleep well. Both of you." With that, Hoenir sidestepped Ivar on the porch and stalked off towards a random hut, entering it and closing the door behind him.

"Whose hut it that?" She questioned her husband, who watched the wanderer walk off as well.

"His. Mother gave it to him." He shrugged, crawling inside with Vanya behind him bewildered. The wretched man had a home all along and stayed in front of their hut instead. She didn't know if to be moved by his dedication or annoyed by his stubbornness. "Did you take your bath yet?"

"Not yet." She had her back turned to him while he sat by the tub. She put the dress away and slowly unbraided her hair. "Did you make a decision on who will kill Silas?"

"I will do it. Torvi went into labor. He will be with her, and I will Blood Eagle the little Monster." Ivar boasted pridefully, making her sigh.

She brushed through her hair and put the tie that kept it together safely away to find it in the morning. "Let's hope the Gods are with Torvi, and the child will be born soon."

"If it's born sooner, Bjorn can kill your brother in my steed. It should be me killing him! I thought I lost two of the most important people in my life. He didn't worry about you two as I did!" Ivar complained as he dragged himself towards the fire chairs by the fire and poured himself a cup of ale.

"Ivar." Vanya scolded, untying the laces of her dress. "Torvi shouldn't suffer so that Silas can die by your hand. She deserves better."

"I think so too, but she is the one who married Bjorn."

Vanya spun on her heel, annoyed by his words. She froze with her mouth open, looking at him sitting there sipping on his cup. He raised his eyebrow at her sudden silence and waited for her mind to start working again.

"Put a shirt on, Ivar! I am trying to scold you!" Ivar smirked at her flustered state and leaned back in the chair, showing off his naked chest.

"Why? Do you not like the view." He asked cheekily, making her pout and skip over to him. Kissing his lips, to wipe the smug look off his face, Vanya pulled back, raising an eyebrow at his satisfied face.

"You are a pain, husband. You are lucky I love you."

Ivar grinned at her teasing words and kissed her knuckles, gazing into her steel-blue eyes. "Good. I would be hurt if you didn't." Vanya chuckled softly and connected their lips again, enjoying being in Ivar's arms once again. "What would I be without my Freyja."

Vanya groaned at his question and slapped his shoulder pouting. The Ragnarsson frowned at her reaction, hurt by her dismissal. "I used to think you were the cleverest man alive. And here you are calling me a goddess like the rest of them. I am not Freyja or Frigg!"

Vanya stood up from his lap, dropped her dress, and stepped into the wooden bathtub. Ivar shook his head and put his cup down, looking at her seriously. "You are perfect, full of light and love. You love me despite everything I am and didn't blame me once for your suffering. Vanya, you are my wife, a survivor, and the mother of my child, far more powerful than you believe yourself to be. Min elskede (My beloved), you are either a gift from the Gods or a Goddess yourself, I have no doubts about that."

Vanya smiled at his loving words, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. "Do you really think I'm powerful?"

He chuckled at her question and pointed at himself. "I, for one, find you terrifying." She grinned at the answer and bashfully looked down into the water, trying to hide her blush behind a curtain of red locks. "Who else sees you as a goddess anyway?"

"The people do. And Sigurd as well."

Ivar frowned at the last part and sourly drank the rest of his ale, while Vanya silently laughed at his jealousy. "He believes me to be a goddess because I endure you. But it's not such a hard task as everyone makes it out to be. I enjoy your presence quite a bit." She smirked secretly; her head turned to pick up a cloth to clean herself with. When she turned around, Ivar's face was close to hers, startling her.

The rag would have hit the floor if it wasn't for him catching it. The corner of his perfect lips lifted at Vanya's wide-eyed stare. He seemed like a predator, watching his prey, enjoying every second of the hunt. "I enjoy your presence, as well, obviously."

"Obviously." Vanya echoed, hypnotized by his hungry stare, his eyes like a raging storm, pulling her in deeper. She leaned in to connect their lips, but Ivar pulled away and crawled towards the beds to look at their child instead. She scoffed at his teasing and cleaned herself, pouting the whole time.

She expected Ivar to leave her alone after his stunt, but luckily for her, he had other plans. The moment she sat down on their bed, he kissed her and laid her down on the furs, making love to her carefully, in case she was still in pain after giving birth not that long ago.

The next morning, they were woken up by their son, whining in his bed, hungry and rested. They both groaned, exhausted from last night's lovemaking. Ivar sat up in bed, lifted Aros, and handed him to Vanya so she could nurse their little treasure.

"Silas will be bought to the Hall after our meal," Ivar informed her, watching her for any sign of hesitancy. But there was none. She decided he deserved to die even before Aros was born, and the fact that he threatened her son's life was the last nail in his coffin. Silas would die a painful death and burn in Hell for all eternity.

"Then let's go. The sooner we eat, the sooner this will all be over. And I can gust over Bjorn's and Torvi's baby." Vanya spoke, burping Aros while Ivar got dressed. After he was done, he took the babe from her and allowed her to clothe herself as well.

When she laced up her white dress and braided her hair, she walked towards Ivar and took the babe from his embrace, smoothing down the little hairs on Aros's head. Ivar picked up his axe and put it on his belt, so he wouldn't have to return for it later. When Vanya saw this, she frowned. "Wait."

Ivar looked at her, confused, waiting for her to continue. She laid Aros down on their bed, ensuring he was secure and walked over to her husband again. She took his axe and trailed her finger the edge, testing the sharpness. The sharp bite of the blade and the bead of blood that flowed down her finger reassured her that it was indeed ready to be used.

The execution would be smoother this way, which meant the whole ordeal wouldn't take too long. No matter her hate for Silas, she would hate for him to suffer under a dull blade. He always said he deserved the best, Vanya thought that should include the weapon that would kill him too.

Ivar gazed up at her, not sure to question her behavior or not. She seemed like she was in a trance, too deep in her mind to remember that she wasn't alone. He softly pried the weapon from her soft fingers and laid it on his lap, taking her hand into his and sucking on the fingertip to stop the bleeding.

Vanya kneeled in front of him and kissed the steel of his weapon, looking up at him pleadingly. "Make him pay. For everything."

"I will."

After breakfast, everyone gathered as Floki set up the posts where Silas would kneel. Ubbe walked to her side and tried to pull her back, but she wrenched her arm free and glared up at him.

"You don't have to be here, Vanya." Sigurd reminded her from her left, also looking at her with soft eyes like she would brake. As if she was weak, but he was wrong. They were all wrong. Vanya was a survivor like Ivar said.

The ginger shook her head and mentioned for Brynja to join her. She handed the babe to her and ordered Hoenir to take them to Ivar's and her hut. "I must be here. I have to see him die. If I don't, I will never be sure if it's over or not."

Ubbe watched her determined face and nodded, Sigurd on the other hand, scoffed and walked off, obviously displeased. "What is his problem?" Vanya asked, seeing the Ragnarsson stalk off, muttering under his breath.

Ubbe gave her a wry smile and shook his head. "He believes you to be tainted by Ivar. Sigurd thinks that he is forcing you into this. That he was the one who chose to Blood eagle Silas and not you."

Vanya scoffed at the explanation and glared at the retreating figure of the snake-eyed Viking. "If anybody deserves to see Silas die, then it's me. I was the one who spent three days in the middle of nowhere, freezing, bleeding, and starving. Silas made my life a living hell from the moment I can remember. I want him to suffer."

"I understand that. But Sigurd still sees you as that timid Princess who was forced to marry Ivar. Many of us do, but you have changed. You are stronger than before, more confident as well. But you don't have to force yourself. You did nearly faint at the mention of blood only nine months ago. No one would blame you if you needed to get some air."

Vanya smiled up at the worried Ragnarsson and linked her arms with his. "Then would you be so kind as to stand with me and catch me if I do faint? After all, you are my only friend left in the room."

Ubbe chuckled at that and led her towards a place near the door to have a good view and an escape route. Silas was dragged in by his arms, spitting insults at the men in English, not caring if they understood him or not. He was pulled on top of the podium and chained to the wooden posts, while a chair was positioned behind for Ivar to sit on. The Ragnarsson dragged himself up and sat down, looking for his wife, relieved to see her with Ubbe.

After a nod from her, he raised the axe and cut into Silas's flesh, a scream echoing around the hall. Vanya watched the display emotionlessly, taking in Silas's screams. They disgusted her; she wanted to cry but had no tears to shed. It was as if her heart and mind were two different entities, disagreeing with each other about what reaction to give. She hated the sight of blood, hated his screams and pain. But found relief in it.

He was dying in front of her eyes, and she was horrified by the display. But not enough to look away. Ubbe squeezed her hand in a silent question if she was ok. She shrank back but kept looking, cringing from time to time at the violence. This is the last time she would see death; she couldn't handle so much gore ever again.

"Vanya!" Silas screamed out between his cries for mercy, catching her eye in the crowd. Vanya locked gazes with his pleading one, her eyes cold and empty, a coverup of the turmoil in her core. "Please!"

She shook her head, keeping her head held high, not showing any sign of hesitance or weakness. She wanted Silas to see what he caused in her eyes before he died.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they shall be called children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Vanya repeated in her mind, remembering how their mother drilled the words into their minds as children. If Silas is truly a martyr, then he will be reunited with God, which she doubts, but maybe it will give comfort to Silas. The blond King kept screaming as Ivar drew the lungs from his body, putting it on his shoulders, his time on earth coming short. "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." She whispered underneath her breath, seeing the life fade from Silas's eyes and his head fall.

He was dead.

#vikings #vikings imagine #history vikings #ivar imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar lothbrok #ivar ragnarsson #ivar #original character #original female character

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lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

Text

Logan Anker: Duties

Logan Chapter 1: an end and a beginning

Logan settles into his new house, his new neighborhood and comes to terms with his new responsibilities.

The house was probably far nicer than someone who’d caused as much damage as he had deserved. But Logan was not about to argue with Thomas on any of those things.

Thomas was Manifestor. He still had to get used to that revelation. Thomas has sworn that he only found out when he looked up the address he was supposed to meet him at to escort him to his new home. And Logan believed him.

“If you want, I can come shopping with you for some new things for him,” his old friend and new boss offered as he put down one of the boxes they had packed from Helena’s place.

“Thank you. I will first unpack and then make a list of necessities,” Logan assured him as he gently lowered the child to the couch. “Thanks again for finalizing the adoption so fast…”

“Well it wasn’t all me and it wasn't that hard. You are his blood. And you are actually her sole benefactor other than the little guy and she willed you to be his guardian unless you’d refuse so she made it really easy.”

Logan nodded, feeling guilty as he thought of how much trust she’d had in him.

“Call me if you need help unpacking. Or do you need me to watch him for a bit while you get everything ready?”

Logan shook his head. He was not ready to let the boy too far from his sight yet.

“That won’t be necessary. I will be in touch,” he stated as he took in a deep breath to force his emotions in line. He would manage.

Thomas sighed and handed him a card. “He’s a friend of mine and a good doctor. If you need to talk,” was all he said before leaving.

Logan looked at the card and then put it in his wallet. He’d call once he was properly settled in. It was only logical to make an inventory of his current mental state considering that the physical side of his power… It was in everyone’s best interest if he had his mental and emotional state under control.

He started to sort through Helena’s things. The house was already mostly furnished for him, considering he’d only had the barest necessities while hiding from the law the past few years. And most of Helena’s furniture was due for replacement. The nicest things she owned belonged to the child. And even those weren't new.

Thomas was too kind. He might have a generous reformation budget, but all this was still much more effort than Logan deserved.

He picked up a framed photograph of Helena and her late husband. The boy’s father.

They would’ve been amazing parents. Logan had fond memories of Caleb…

The boy on the couch stirred and sat up rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

“Momma?” he muttered confused and disoriented. That was the hardest. How to make it clear to a 2 year old that his mother was gone and that this was his home now?

Logan walked over to the couch and sat down next to the boy who looked up to him with a confused frown.

“It’s okay. You are safe. Do you want something to eat?” Logan asked. He didn’t have the strength to try to explain what happened again.

The boy nodded. “Yes please,” he said softly, a little sad. Maybe he did remember being told that his mother was never going to come back. It was possible that he simply had been dreaming and was disoriented by reality. It happened sometimes. Logan would most likely forget she was gone on occasion too. Grief played cruel tricks on your mind like that.

“Very well.”

After their meal Logan sat the child down with a Disney movie and continued unpacking.

Then the doorbell rang. Was Thomas checking up on him already?

Logan looked over at the boy to make sure he was okay before leaving the room. He opened the door to find a young couple with a toddler greeting him.

“Hi!” The woman smiled with a wave. “My name is Celine, this is my husband David and our son Janus,” she introduced herself and her family. Janus was hiding half his face in his mother’s skirt.

“We are your next door neighbors and we thought we’d come and say hi and welcome to the neighborhood.”

Logan nodded. “I see. Thank you very much. I am doctor Logan Anker. I will be teaching biochemistry at the university starting this fall,” he explained as he shook the adults’ hands. He knelt down and addressed Janus. “It is a pleasure to meet you too Janus,” he informed the small boy who just hid away more. He rose again to address the adults, accepting that Janus simply was not comfortable around a stranger and then he felt a figure behind him. He stepped to the side and looked down to find the boy. He was looking at the strangers with curious but wary eyes.

“Oh, and what is your name?” Celine asked kindly bowing down a little.

“Vigi Aner, ma” he mumbled.

“Oh, your son is so polite,” she complemented.

“Nephew actually,” Logan corrected.

“Oh… oh,” Celine looked to her husband, unsure what to do.

“Our apologies, we didn’t mean to assume,” he offered calmly.

“It is quite alright. Your assumption was not without reason. We recently lost his mother.”

Murderer… No those thoughts were not helpful or correct. Yes I am to blame, but there was no ill intent.

“I am his legal guardian.”

The couple nodded. “Well if you ever need a babysit. I design websites and work from home mostly, so I’m always available,” David explained.

“And of course he is always welcome for a playdate,” Celine added. “Right Janus?” she asked as she looked down.

The child didn’t move for a moment but then stepped forward revealing his face. Logan didn’t miss the tensing of the parents shoulders. He could understand why. The left half of the boy’s face and neck were covered in birthmarks. He could imagine this got him a lot of stares in public.

His nephew stepped forward too and when Logan looked down he saw him smile and point at the freckles underneath his eyes. “Sun kisses,” he said and the parents relaxed. Janus smiled too and then was pulled inside. “Stitch,” was the only explanation.

Logan could only assume that he wanted to continue his movie and had decided that the other boy might as well join.

The Bullards turned out to be extremely helpful. They made sure he knew to find his way around the neighborhood and Janus and Virgil kept each other entertained.

So after a month, he trusted them enough to leave him with them for a few hours.

“I will be back soon. I promise,” he told the child who nodded and held onto his blankie and stitch plushie. Gifts from Logan in hopes that they would help soothe the stress of all these unexpected changes. The boy had nightmares and seemed easily spooked. Logan did his best to make him feel safe and cared for. He felt terribly unqualified for the job, but he tried to understand and provide in his needs.

Then the door opened and the nervous boy was pulled inside by an excited Janus. Their youngest neighbor had certainly opened up more during the month they’d been here.

His nephew looked back and waved him goodbye. Logan tried to smile encouragingly and waved back before handing the bag with necessities over to David. “Once more, my gratitude,” he offered.

“I should thank you actually. Janus… It’s terrible but he already knows he is different from other kids. Your boy has come as a blessing, truly.”

Logan felt something tug inside him in a way that felt both pleasant and painful. A bittersweet feeling. He’s Helena’s son alright. “Well, in that case, call us even,” he offered before bidding his goodbyes, ensuring David had his number down and leaving. He had an appointment with the therapist Thomas recommended.

“Why do you think you don’t use his name?”

Logan’s head snapped up. What?

The end of his first session was nearing and he’d had half a mind to call Thomas and ask him what made him think this would be a funny joke.

Picani was eccentric to say the least. All cartoon references and terrible jokes.

And now…

“Virgil. You haven’t called him by his name, though we’ve talked about him more than anything else. Even when talking about your sister, your stated reason to come here, you talk about him. Yet somehow you avoid saying his name. If not for your paper work I would have no clue. Why?”

Logan was about to object, but then he realized that he was right. Ever since first meeting him he hadn’t referred to him by name once, not even in his head. Even now the name…

“I… Don’t know,” he muttered astonished.

“I wouldn’t want to draw conclusions based on this one conversation of course, but is it alright if I suggest some possible explanations?” Logan nodded intrigued. Maybe Thomas hadn’t been playing a prank after all…

“It could be out of fear to grow attached to him. Or maybe you don’t think you deserve to be close to him. Does that sound like I’m in the right direction?”

Logan went over that in his head. It… wasn’t rational. But the feeling of guilt he felt every time he found himself enjoying the boy’s presence in his life even a little… That wasn’t rational either.

Just the night before he’d given him a bath and when he splashed at the water squealing with laughter he had found himself chuckling as well only to have the wind knocked out of him when he realized that Helena would never get to see this again.

“I guess… It’s just… Helena should be doing these things with him. Not me. I’m not fit…”

“Now I hate to interrupt you, but I have to disagree. You have everything you need to be a good father. You are responsible, attentive and have even indicated yourself that Virgil’s needs take priority. That is an excellent foundation to build from.”

Logan nodded. Rationally the doctor made sense.

“That is our time I’m afraid. But I think we can work with this. I’d like you to reflect on your relationship and interactions with Virgil over the coming week, even if you don’t plan on coming back. You’ll be starting at the university tomorrow, right?”

Logan nodded. “First as the new professor, and in the evening I’ll meet the team I’ll be working alongside with as Brainstorm.” It had seemed pointless to hide that part of his situation. And as it turned out, Picani knew of Thomas' secret too. Which was probably why Thomas recommended him. And Logan had to admit, despite his odd behavior the ,man was clever and observant.

“And… I’ll let you know how things go next week,” he assured the doctor who smiled relieved.

“They wore themselves out in the garden,” Celine explained with a fond whisper as she led Logan to the living room where David was sitting on the couch next to the boys who were holding onto each other in their sleep. Logan felt his heart swell with emotion and this time, as an experiment, he didn’t try to push it down. He let himself feel how the little boy on that couch had quickly claimed a place in his heart and was making it his home.

“Hi…” David greeted before gently nudging his nephew awake.

“Look who’s here buddy?” he asked.

The boy… Virgil, blinked blearily before focusing on Logan who’d accepted the supply bag from Celine. Virgil reached for him, grabbing with his arms, clearly asking to be picked up.

Logan chuckled and lifted him up in his arms, allowing himself to feel how glad he was to have him there, safe and sound.

“Hi papa.” That made Logan freeze. Virgil never called him… He called him Lo… Not…

“He heard Janus call me daddy and papa and today he asked what it was. I said it was like a mom but a boy. I guess he decided that means you for him,” David explains as he lifted his own son up in his arms.

“Ah…”

Logan didn’t say anything more after that. He went home and put Virgil in his bed so he could finish his nap there. He watched over him and stroked at his hair.

Funny, what seemed like a monumental task only minutes ago, was now accomplished for him it seemed. Virgil had decided that Logan was a parental figure. He had compared him to Helena and decided he measured up. Logan could not argue with that.

Logan sighed and went downstairs to dig through the last box that was still not unpacked.

It was filled with pictures and memento’s of Helena and Caleb. He looked at a picture of the last birthday Logan had spent with both of them. “I’ll look after him Helena. I’ll be the best father I possibly can be.”

“Papa?” Logan put the picture away and walked up the stairs to see to his son.

@moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043

3)Allies

Masterlist

#sanders sides #ts sides #virgil sanders #logan sanders #fic #hero au

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alj4890 · 3 years

Text

Misfortune's Intentions

(Liam x OC*Elisse Millan) (Drake x Riley) in a Choices The Royal Heir fan fiction

A/N Time continues to go by. Riley is nearing the end of her second trimester. Liam and Elisse will have their first date in front of the court during a ball he is hosting. The two have managed to have a few private dates since that one on a sailboat. While they continue to fall for one another, concerns and words are shared by those closest to them. This chapter mentions a certain event that happened later in the TRH canon, but I added it now and of course ended it like I wished.

@gkittylove99 @krsnlove @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @hopefulmoonobject @yourmajesty09 @mom2000aggie @ofpixelsandscribbles

Masterlist

Chapter 4 Moonlight and Secrets

Cranborne Manor, Cordonia...

"Aren't you glad I had you bring this?" Amalas held up the black ball gown. "I know Liam will be."

Elisse's cheeks heated with color. "If I say yes, will you stop talking about my going as his date?"

"Why? I think it's actually sweet that he asked you." Amalas leaned down to smell the roses that had arrived earlier. "Even though I'm not a romantic like some people I know," she smiled at her cousin, "I can still be happy that you found someone that you actually like."

"I should have known you wouldn't be able to stop talking." Elisse teased. "I'm nervous enough as it is."

She snatched the card Liam had sent with the roses out of Amalas's hands.

"Elisse?" A wicked smile formed. "What did he write?"

"Nothing to concern yourself over." She dodged her trying to grab it. "Amalas! Is this any way for a queen to behave?!" She turned holding it as far away from her as she could.

All the commotion they made drew an anxious Felix into the room.

One look at the two climbing over furniture while chasing each other let him know exactly what was going on.

"Elisse!" Amalas dodged a bed pillow. "You would dare strike your queen?!"

"Without any regret whatsoever." Elisse tripped over the bottom of her robe and went tumbling down.

Amalas pounced, snatching the card away.

"Aha!" She held it above her head in victory.

Felix plucked it from her grasp.

"Felix!" She rounded on him. "Hand that over."

"Yes, your majesty." With all the seriousness he could muster, he handed it to Elisse.

"Ha!" Elisse held it against her heart. "Thank you, Felix."

"What is this treason?" Amalas had her hands on her hips. Her usual intimidating frown was ruined by her hair sticking up at odd angles.

"Forgive me your majesty," he bowed, "but I was under the impression you wanted it to go to its owner."

"In other words," Elisse loudly whispered, "Felix likes me better."

The cousins burst into giggles much as they used to before Amalas became queen.

Felix quietly shut the door before allowing a smile to appear on his face. After all that had occurred for his queen and lady, he had forgotten how infectious their happiness could be.

"Tell the truth." Amalas sat down on the bed. "You're falling in love with Liam."

Elisse sat down once more at her vanity. Amalas could see the soft glow on her face in the reflection of the mirror as she looked down at his card.

"He makes it impossible not to fall in love." She shyly admitted.

"Looks like whatever happens, I will still have an alliance with Corodnia."

Elisse glared playfully at her. "You're runing the romance."

"Then I guess Liam will have his work cut out for him tonight."

****************

Cordonia's Royal Palace, Riley and Drake’s chambers...

"While they are here, maybe you could sneak over to Cranborne and see if you find anything that we should know." Riley whispered.

Olivia's brow furrowed. "I've been investigating Elisse. Nothing except for her time spent in America has been found. She has spent most of her life in Monterisso."

"I think if Amalas is planning anything, her cousin is not a part of it." Hana added.

Riley closed her eyes. She knew she was becoming obsessive over this woman. But after hearing Liam's confession of how he felt toward her and Drake. She owed him a lady he could freely love who wouldn't betray him.

Though she loved Drake more than anyone, she easily remembered those times she snuck off with Liam during his social season. The butterflies and sweet moments had caused her to fall for him as well as his grumpy friend.

She knew if Drake had continued to push her away, she might have given in and married Liam.

And how much more horrible would I have been to do that while longing for his best friend?

"This will be the last time." She told them. "If nothing is discovered of her time in America or that she and Amalas are planning something nefarious for Cordonia, then I will accept that Liam is safe with Elisse."

"Very well." Olivia stood up. "We'll let you know what we find."

"Or hopefully don't find." Hana added as she followed her out.

Riley dabbed at the stray tears in her eyes with a tissue. Between concerns over Elisse and Liam and having to keep from making an arranged marriage for her yet to be born baby was getting to her.

There were numerous times she secretly wished she had never agreed to have the royal heir. It is too much to deal with. Her pregnancy wasn't going at all like she used to dream about.

For one thing, it had happened much sooner than she had wanted. She would have loved to have had a year or two of just her and Drake trying to figure out how to be Cordonia's newest Duke and Duchess. Plus it would have been nice to enjoy being a newlywed that could wear lingerie and go out on fun, late night dates with her husband.

But to give birth to the, "chosen one," was driving her crazy. All the photos taken of her. The more than usually required doctor visits. The lack of privacy. The events. Having everyone with them with no time alone with her husband...

"Dammit!" She couldn't stop her tears. Her makeup was ruined.

"Riley?" Drake poked his head into their room. "What's wrong?"

She hurried into his embrace.

He rubbed soothing circles on her back. "Hormones?"

"Yes." She then shook her head. "No. I don't know."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You know you can talk to me." He swallowed nervously. "Even if it is about Liam?"

"It's not him." She reached for more tissues. "It's us. Me, you, the baby. Our life." She blew her nose. "No privacy. No time to take in the fact that in three months we will have someone to take care of."

He continued to hold her.

"And this whole royal heir business." She lifted her eyes to his. "Do you really want our baby to be in line for the throne?"

She saw the hesitation flicker in his face.

"We owe Liam so much." He said. "He has asked so little from us. This seemed like the least we could do and it is an honor he wanted our child for that position."

"Drake we are deciding our child's entire future without even meeting him or her." She reminded him. "What if the baby is like you and prefers to live a quiet life? We will have forced the one we want to protect into the very position that takes away every freedom they have."

Drake lowered his eyes. "I know."

She hugged him close. "What are we going to do?"

"I--I don't know." He held her tight. "I just don't know."

***************

A few hours later, Cranborne Manor...

Elisse took a deep breath on the way to answer the front door.

"M'lady," Liam handed her a long stem red rose. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She let her eyes travel over him in his formal regalia. "You look very handsome."

His smile turned flirty. "Are you ready for our first ball as a couple?"

With a nod, she retrieved her clutch and took his hand. "Liam?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure about this?" She whispered when they reached Bastien holding the car door for them.

Liam took both of her hands in his. "I am."

"Even though I can't--"

He pressed a tender kiss to her lips, cutting off her reason for doubting he should be with her.

"You're who makes me happy." He whispered against her lips. "Regardless of whether or not you can have children."

She cupped his cheek and pressed another tender kiss to his lips in quiet gratitude.

He smiled softly as she got into car's backseat then followed after her.

Once the vehicle turned a corner, Olivia and Hana sneaked out of their hiding place.

"Queen Amalas left with her bodyguard earlier." Olivia whispered. "We will have free reign to search the house."

Hana shivered in the cool night air. "I suppose we should be grateful for that."

She watched quietly as the duchess expertly picked the lock.

"After you." She waved Hana inside.

***************

The Royal Ballroom...

Conversations were focused on one thing this evening: Liam had brought a date to the ball.

Regina went from group to group saying how happy she was that he had settled on a lady that she so highly approved of.

"It is rare to find someone who understands the pressure he is under. Lady Elisse is a pleasure to be around." She said while she and a few others watched the two waltz.

Nobles soon were murmuring praises and wishes to see Liam settle down with Elisse.

"Monterisso and Cordonia's alliance under their marriage would make us the envy to many of the surrounding countries."

"Seeing a young king settle down would add more reassurance to foreign powers about the stability of our country."

"They do make a cute couple." Penelope whispered to Zeke.

Amalas chuckled softly at overhearing this latest compliment. She caught her cousin's eye and lifted her champagne flute to her.

Elisse's blush responded to that.

Liam's smile was warm when he noticed it. He leaned closer to her ear and whispered something that caused her to laugh with a shake of her head.

Elisse then was seen looking up at him with an expression that could only be described as complete adoration.

"You've been busy."

Amalas took a steadying breath before responding.

"King Bradshaw." She inclined her head. "I think we have all been busy in Cordonia."

He hmphed. "Some of us though aren't wooing the king and parents of the heir."

She kept her face devoid of emotion while she sipped her champagne.

He narrowed his eyes at her silence. "I see you aren't denying it."

"I've yet to hear an accusation worth addressing." She smiled sweetly as she walked away. "Do give my best to Isabella."

**************

Another hour later...

"Shouldn't you be making the rounds?"

Liam wrapped his arm around his date. "I should but I would rather stand here with you."

"You won't hear any arguments from me." Elisse closed her eyes when she felt his lips brush her cheek. "People will talk if you keep that up."

"It's about time I gave them something new to gossip over." He teased.

"I can hear them now. Our king has been captured by that wicked Monterisso viscountess."

He snorted. "I doubt they would use the word wicked." He tugged her closer. "Most likely conniving."

Her overly dramatic gasp made him laugh.

"I suppose I should be using my feminine whiles on you." She looped her arms around his neck. "But you, sir, are simply too distracting."

"A Monterisson noble unable to do her job?" He shook his head in mock pity. "I suppose I will have to keep you here rather than allow you to return home in shame."

"Why, your majesty. Is this a scheme to keep me at your beck and call?"

"You caught me, m'lady." His teasing smile turned tender.

"Ahem."

The two were surprised to see Olivia standing behind them.

"Liam, may I speak to you about something?" Her eyes darted briefly to Elisse. "In your study?"

Elisse stepped out of his arms.

"I'll be back." He promised her. He lifted her hand to his lips, enjoying the moment her smile reappeared.

With a nod to Olivia, he followed her out of the ballroom.

****************

"You did what?!" Liam's eyes narrowed. "Who told you to break into their home?"

Hana fidgeted beside Olivia. "Riley was worried with all the secrets Amalas is known to have and--"

"And--" Olivia glanced at Hana, receiving a nod, "some of us were concerned since you seem to be close to the queen's cousin."

He paced before them, doing his best to not lose his temper. "I know better than most about Monterisso."

"Liam, they have a file on you." Hana explained. "Files on all of us!"

"That isn't that surprising." Olivia grumbled. "I had files on all the ladies during the social season." A brief expression of admiration appeared. "I would have done the same to Amalas and Elisse if we were visiting their country."

"I already knew about the files." He told them.

"You did?"

"How?"

"Elisse." Liam ceased his pacing and faced them. "She has been nothing but honest with me."

"Did she tell you that there is a chance she--" Hana hesitated, wishing she hadn’t read the letters from Boston. "She--"

"Can't have children." Olivia finished softly. "We saw some medical reports in her room." Her sharp gaze softened. "She went through an experimental procedure to--"

"I know all of that." Liam interrupted. "She...she was supposed to be a part of my social season." His features hardened with memories. "My father refused to let her after her medical exam."

He snapped out of those what if thoughts. "Now then. Go tell Lady Riley to back off. There is nothing--"

Muffled screams filled the air.

"What was that?!" Hana jumped when Liam ran out the door.

"Liam!" Olivia shouted, already pulling two hidden daggers out. "Wait!"

******************

The Ballroom...

Everyone stared in horror at the drone that had crashed through the window. Queen Isabella trembled in her husband's arms with cuts along her face and arms.

"I recognize that." King Bradshaw pointed at Amalas. "This is one of the Spy Queen’s drones!"

Elisse surreptitiously made her way to Amalas's side and gripped her hand. The two remained calm as Bradshaw and Isabella riled the crowd up.

"I nearly died!" Isabella held up her arms with minor cuts. "My children could have been motherless all because she can't take a chance on Duchess Riley choosing us."

Riley paled as she looked from one ruler to another. Her hands slid protectively to her belly, wishing there was a way to get out of all this.

"I refuse to see Cordonia be threatened in such a fashion." Bradshaw straightened his shoulders. "Do not fear. My guards will--"

Liam appeared.

"King Liam!" Isabella cried out, tears streaking down her face. "Look--"

He held his hand up for silence as he examined the broken drone.

The whole court waited while he knelt beside it.

Bastien rushed to his side. "Sir, we need to get you to safety--"

"No we don't." Liam told him.

"Sir, it--"

Liam ordered him to be quiet as he turned the drone over. His lips firmed into a slight frown.

Olivia finally made it through the crowd, stopping in surprise at the piece of machinery on the ballroom floor.

"The Monterissons must be made to leave at once!" Isabella cried when Bradshaw quietly whispered to her.

"Unless you too want to be added to our list of enemies." Bradshaw warned.

Olivia's eyebrow raised. "Because of this?"

"That weapon nearly killed my wife." Bradshaw bit out.

"Strange." Liam finally said as he stood up. "One would think Queen Amalas would use one of her newer stealth drones instead of this one from five years ago."

Bradshaw and Isabella stilled.

"Given that you both say it attacked, I would have thought it would at least have been fitted with some type of weapon on it instead of an outdated camera." He continued.

The king and queen looked about at the crowd’s fear turning to confusion

"She's spying on us!" Bradshaw exclaimed. "All of us were being watched."

"She must be planning on eliminating all competition!" Isabella pointed at Elisse. "And that one was used to distract your king, Cordonia!"

Murmurs began again.

"They shouldn't be allowed to stay here." Godfrey muttered.

"What if one of us had been struck with that drone?" Kiara was heard to whisper.

"Did they see everything we have been doing? What if they begin to blackmail us?!" Adelaide added.

Bradshaw smirked at Amalas as the murmurs grew louder, demanding that she and Elisse be forced to leave.

Liam could feel a sense of déjà vu. Memories of his coronation ball came to mind.

This very crowd had demanded that Riley be thrown out of Cordonia and thus out of his life. He had stood by quietly and let it happen, thinking he was protecting her.

He knew whatever love she had for him had been damaged in that moment.

He could still see Drake demanding the King's Guards let her go. His volunteering to go to New York for her. His promise to look out for her once she joined the engagement tour.

I can't let it happen again. I can't lose Elisse. Not now. Not when I know I'm falling in love with her.

He stepped protectively in front of Elisse and Amalas while Felix guarded their backs. Liam could feel his lady’s fingers brush his hand in need of reassurance.

"This drone proves nothing." He said, cutting off everyone's conversations. "Queen Amalas and Lady Elisse had nothing to do with this."

"How do you know that?" Bradshaw demanded.

"Because," Amalas stepped forward, "this particular drone requries a remote operator to fly it." She patted her suit pockets. "Which I nor Lady Elisse could possibly have on us, given it takes two hands to even hold the controler."

"Your guard!" Isabella lifted a trembling finger. "He--"

Felix emptied his pockets without a word. He handed his coat to Bastien and allowed him to pat him down.

"Perhaps we should check Auvernal's many guards." Lady Elisse countered as she stepped up beside Liam. She maintained her calm demeanor while facing the two that threatened her. "There might be one or two who are not happy with their king and queen."

Amalas smirked. "I worry for the intelligence of this person. To use a drone that is now no more than a child's plaything." She chuckled. "Of course, Auvernal isn't known for their brilliant minds."

"How dare you!" Bradshaw shouted. "My wife--"

"Is unharmed." Liam spoke over him.

One of Bastien’s agents returned with an Auvernal guard.

Isabella quickly rushed forward, striking the man when the remote control was discoverd. "You will pay for attacking your queen!"

"But, your majesty, I--"

"Silence!" Bradshaw yelled over him. He ordered his personal guard to remove the traitor.

Liam slipped his hand in Elisse's when more murmurs rose around them. He knew it was time to turn the tables on the ones who still threatened the woman beside him.

"Honored guests," he turned to face the crowd, "given that an attack has occurred, I'm certain that King Bradshaw will wish to take his queen back to Auvernal." Liam's cold fury settled on the royal. "He would never wish to bring possible harm to those he wishes to make his allies."

Bradshaw gave a jerky nod. "Yes." He eyed Amalas. "I will go and quash this particular problem."

Regina joined Liam as she encouraged everyone else to also retire for the night.

"Liam," Elisse let go of his hand, "You shouldn't have gotten invovled in this. Bradshaw will not let that embarrassment go unanaswered."

He pulled her into his embrace. "I was not about to let them take you away."

Amalas held her hand out to him. "I believe I also owe you my own thanks for helping everyone to see reason, King Liam."

Felix gratefully bowed his head to him.

"I couldn't let mob mentality take over." Liam explained. "Bradshaw has been acting more agressive in gaining a foothold in my country. I refuse to let him do so."

Drake and Riley joined them once the last few guests of the ball trickled out.

"You should be resting." Amalas told her. "All of tonight's stress can't be good for you and the baby."

"I know." Riley replied. "Which is why I need to speak to Liam."

His brow furrowed when he noticed how pale she was. "Why don't we wait until morning? You--"

"I can't wait." Her eyes filled with tears. "It will only take a moment."

Elisse gently squeezed him in a hug. "Amalas and I should return to Cranborne." She smiled when he kept her within his arms. "I know you have things to take care of here."

Without paying attention to their friends and family around them, Liam kissed her goodnight. He cupped her cheek as he told her he would see her in the morning.

Once she was gone, Liam faced his friends and Regina. "What is it you need to discuss?"

Riley swallowed at the lump forming in her throat. "It's about our baby."

***************

Liam's chambers at two in the morning...

After yanking off all the regalia and unbuttoning his shirt, Liam poured himself three fingers of scotch.

He took a couple of healthy gulps, closing his eyes to the decision that had once again upended his world.

He was back to being a ruler in a tenuous position.

A king without a wife. Without heirs.

His head dropped as he slumped into a chair.

Cradling the cut crystal tumbler, he thought of the conversation he had with his friends.

***************

"Liam, I..." Riley swiped at her tears. "I don't want my baby to be the royal heir."

"What?" He took a step back in shock, just as he had when she told him she couldn't marry him. "Riley, I know tonight's--"

"It isn't just because of tonight." She interrupted. "It's everything. It's too much for us to deal with." She gripped Drake's hand. "I can't force my child into this type of responsibility."

"It was an honor that you chose us." Drake continued. "But the stress is eating away at us."

Liam slowly nodded. "I understand." He slipped his hands into his pockets. “We will have a press conference tomorrow.”

With a broken sob, Riley hugged him. "I'm so sorry I can't do this for you after everything you have given me."

He gently patted her back. "You don't owe me a child out of gratitude."

"I know." She sniffed and stepped back. "You will still be a part of our baby's life?"

He smiled softly. "Of course."

"Someone will have to teach our baby manners." Drake pulled Liam into a brief hug, slapping his back. "Thank you for understanding."

"It's what Liam does best." Riley added.

Olivia, Hana, and Regina remained with him once the couple left the ballroom.

"What will you do now?" Olivia asked.

"I...I don't know." He admitted.

"What will you do about Elisse?" Regina prodded. "If you don't choose another heir, you will need to have one of your own."

He ran his hands over his face. "I'm not losing Elisse."

"Dear, I know you care for her, but you--"

"I'm not losing her." He repeated harshly. "She is exactly what I need in my life."

Seeing it was fruitless to argue, the queen mother bowed her head and quietly left them.

Hana looked between Liam and Olivia, unable to think of something comforting to diffuse the tension.

"Liam." Olivia tempered her tone. "Regina's right. You still need an heir." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Elisse will understand that you have to end--"

Without a word, he left the two ladies standing there.

#choices the royal heir #misfortune's intentions #liam x oc #trh liam #trh drake #drake x riley #choices stories you play

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes

After your mom and dad were dead, you promised yourself that you won't get attached anymore. They were the only people you trusted except Commander Erwin. You joined the training camp at the age of 16 in hopes for becoming a Survey Corp soldier like your mentor, Commander Erwin. You knew that your parents would've been proud of you if you gave your life up for humanity like they did.

You were made to stand in a line while Ex Commander and now, Instructor of the trainee corps, Shadis was giving a speech about how hard training could be. You weren’t paying much attention because you knew how hard it could get. You got personal training from Commander Erwin anyway. You were told that you would do a training exercise where you would balance on two ropes so that you can use the 3DMG. You personally were looking forward to this as that's the only thing Erwin didn't teach you and you liked learning new things. You easily balanced on the ropes like most of the cadets. You noticed this other girl with black hair who was really good at this too. You assumed that maybe getting to know her won't be a bad idea. There was only one person who fell face down on the ropes. The instructor shouted at him and dismissed everyone.

That night, the guy who fell down talked about seeing titans. Apparantly his mother was eaten by one. You got bored when he started talking about how he wanted revenge and told him, "Would revenge really bring your mother back? It's pointless to think about revenge when you get nothing out of it. If you want to kill titans, do it for humanity. That's the reason I'm here." The boy got all mad and said "You wouldn't understand how it feels to see your mother getting killed!". That's when this other guy said something that made you regret talking at all. He said "Ofcourse she wouldn't know. She is a murderer herself. I don't know why they even let her into the training after she killed that Garrison soldier. She's a fucking traitor.". This did hit a nerve but you remained calm and kept your usual straight face and replied "Well, maybe you should be scared of me then. You must know how I killed that man" and with that, you walked away. You decided that maybe keeping to yourself was probably the better choice as you sat outside the house assigned for cadets on the porch. That's when the black haired girl sat beside you with that stupid boy who talked earlier about revenge. "Sorry. I didn't know." said the boy but you didn't reply. "My name is Mikasa and he's Eren. He can be a bit childish at times. Please don't mind that. What's your name?" asked the black haired girl. "(Y/N)" you replied. After a pause, you muttered, "It's okay".

1 year later

The people from the cadet corps started getting friendlier to you with time. You avoided most of them though as making friends wasn't your objective. You stayed close to Mikasa and Eren, even if you found Eren absolutely immatured due to his big talk upon how titans aren't a big deal. One thing you had learnt from Erwin was that to never underestimate your foes. You were already excelling in every aspects of military training, with you and Mikasa being on the same level in most cases, except 3DMG training, where you apparantly were prodigious due to your light weight and aerobic skills, which made you extremely agile. The instructor was greatly pleased with your progress and your disciplined nature and was surprised when he heard about your intentions for joining the survey corps. "With skills like yours, you can easily get into the interior military police, Cadet (L/N). Are you sure that you want to put your life at stake for humanity?" he asked you one day. "Sir, my life is as meaningless as it could be and I would rather put it at stake for humanity's victory. That way, there may be some meaning to my existance." you answered him. "The survey corps need more brave soldiers like yourself, Cadet (L/N). Only then, perhaps, humanity can retake wall Maria and be victorious against the titans." the instructor replied to it. You leaned on the fence of the courtyard of the cadet corps training grounds, watching everyone practice hand to hand combat. This was a regular routine among the soldiers. There were people like Eren who were serious about this, people like Sasha and Connie, who fooled around, people like Jean, who thought it's pointless to learn hand to hand combat and people like yourself and Annie, who didn't bother hurting others as both of you were too good at this. However, today was different as it seemed like Mikasa challenged Annie onto a hand to hand combat. Mikasa was strong and good at what she did but Annie was more agile, and she didn't rely on the typical fighting techniques taught at the trainee corps. Her fighting pattern was unpredictable, something Erwin did during your sword fight lessons with him, the ones where you never won against him. The fight was eventually stopped by Instructor Shadis, as they were almost killing eachother. The fight was going clearly on Mikasa's favour though. You made a mental note to yourself that you would fight Mikasa the next day, just to brush up your hand to hand combat skills.

The next day

You did exactly what you had planned. You challenged Mikasa and both of you were on your battle stances now. You went for your usual defensive position as Mikasa charged at you. You tried using her height to topple her but she got your hand and tried to get you down with her. You figured that there was a possibility of that happening and you were prepared for it as you fell over her and immediately twisted yourself in position, grabbing the wooden knife from her hand as her hand weakened while she fell down. You used your leg to secure her hand while you were in safe distance from her legs, near her chest as you pointed the knife to her neck. "I win" you muttered with a monotoned voice before you helped her get up and shook hands with her. "That was a good fight." Mikasa replied with a stoic expression. That's when the other cadets started begging you to fight Annie. You decided not to disappoint them and challenged Annie.

As you both went into your stances, you noticed that Annie was going defensive. You decided to change your usual tatics and went into an offensive stance. You charged towards Annie and you noticed that she would use your weight against you. As she picked you up, trying to throw you off, you wrapped your legs around her shoulder and brought her down. The wooden knife went flying from her hand and you caught it, pointing at her neck as you held her hands at her back. You helped her up after that and before she walked away, you told her, "Oi Annie, could you show me that move of yours that you taught Eren?". " Why should I? You're already better than I am at this." she asked with a frown. "I'd rather be on the safe side by knowing as much self defence as I can" you answered. "Aren't you joining the survey corps? You wouldn't need all these against titans anyway." Annie told me, her frown getting deeper. "The most that titans could do to me is kill me. I'm not afraid of death. What I'm afraid of are humans. They can make you suffer things worse than death and I would like to avoid that." you answered. "Very well, this is how you do it" Annie told you as she approached you to show you her moves.

A week later

"Oi (Y/N)! Instructor Shadis is calling for you! He commanded me to do the mopping for today and gave you a day off... How the hell do you always get off work like that?" Eren grumbled as he approached you. You had cleaning duties for the mess hall today and you were mopping the floor when Eren came running at you. You were dismissed from cleaning duties a few times before as well because Commamder Erwin, or as you called him, Uncle Erwin came to visit. You usually call him Uncle Erwin when the two of you are in private but you supposed that you should stick to commander infront of others to maintain the formality now that you joined the military. However, you never were in a situation where you had to call him commander before. Nonetheless, Eren took advantage of those few times you got dismissed to make up the statement that you always get excused from cleaning duties. These were exactly the reason that you found him annoying but at the same time, he was one of the few people who were nice to you and wasn't intimidated at the same time and thus, you remained friendly with him. "Thanks for the help" you muttered to him before going to report to Instructor Shadis.

"State name and business" you heard his voice from the other side of the door to his office. Being called to the Instructor's office was usually a dreadful thing for most cadets, specially Sasha, as the only reason they'd get called was to get punished because of their stupidity. You, however, were never called in for indiscipline and instead you usually were called to meet Erwin, to discuss your future career as the instructor personally talked to Erwin about your progress so that you get placed into a good squad after graduation. "It's cadet (L/N). You called me, sir." you answered. You got in the office after he told you to come in. "Sit down" he commanded you and you sat on the chair facing him. "You're at the top of the class at 3DMG training, fitness training, and now, according to the recent marked hand to hand combat training, you're at the top of the class there too. On academics, you are on a tie with cadet Arlet at most subjects except geography and history of titans since you are always in second place in those subjects. On the other hand, you are terrible with horses. If you can improve one of the two, you can be the first of the class but if your skills with horses don't improve, you can give up your dream of joining the survey corps." he told you. "I understand sir but, I don't know how to make those horses like me when all they want to do is kick me." you answered in a monotoned voice. "Yes, I noticed that. I will assign you with cadet Braus. She is gifted with animals. She can help you out with getting one of those horses in control. Your training starts from tommorow. You are dismissed." Instructor shadis told you before dismissing you.

The next week

"Here, take these" with that, Sasha handed you a basket of apples. Apples were expensive now but it seemed like there was no other option than to bribe the horses into liking you. Sasha tried all other ways possible to make those horses like you but they all were only interested in kicking you. "Now, take an apple in your hand and give it to the horse. The worst that could happen is that you would get bitten." Sasha explained with a smile. That was the only horse that decided not to kick you the last day. Sasha thought that this horse wasn't hostile while you thought that the horse was having pity on you. You held your hand out to the horse with the apple and surprisingly, the horse ate the apple and not your hand. After feeding it a few more apples, the horse let you pat it's head. "See? She isn't too bad" Sasha told the horse while grooming it. You finally got a horse to like you. That seemed like a big progress given that you can't easily even get people to like you.

2 years later

It was the combat stimulated graduation test and you were to be graded on the results of this one. You were clearly the best among the team. You were quick to learn a lot of 3DMG tricks that many couldn't learn. Instructor Shadis was really proud of you and taught you as much as you could possibly know. During the training exercise, you easily flew through the woods and struck 6 out of the 10 titan dummies before anyone else. Two with the assistance of Mikasa, who was a good friend. Eren was good at flying but his cuts weren't deep enough. You were easily the first among all the cadets and Instructor Shadis compared you to Levi Ackerman who now is known as the strongest soldier of humanity. You haven't seen him for 8 years since he became a captain and moved inside Wall Rose. Then again, you never really talked to him so it didn't matter. Given that he did make quite a name for himself, you didn't mind getting compared to him.

The morning after the graduation ceremony was really awkward. After Eren's speech about saving humanity, most of the top 10 soldiers decided to join the Survey Corps. You had to admit, that guy has some really good potential in convincing people even if his own emotions always mess things up. Being emotional is what made them not get the first position. Anyway, you all were standing on the wall when everyone was talking about joining the Survey corps. Sasha even stole some meat for you all to share and then, suddenly the colossal titan appeared yet again. You didn't see it the first time but seeing it now made you genuinely terrified. Like the last time, it kicked a hole in the wall and you saw Eren charge at it, trying to fight it. You knew he couldn't because that thing was too big to fight. But ofcourse, Eren is an idiot. Surprisingly, it disappeared just before Eren got the finishing blow. Eren got back up on the wall, apologising for not being able to kill the colossal titan just as a garrison soldier ran towards you all. "What are you trainees doing? The strategy for dealing with a colossal titan appearance is already in motion! Report to your posts on the double! And if any of you made contact with it, make a report to HQ!" he commanded everyone as other garrison soldiers arrived. "Hai!" you all answered before flying towards the HQ.

You found Mikasa on the way after reporting to the captain of the Garrison as she was looking for Eren and Armin. The both of you searched for them and found Armin having a panic attack while Eren comforting him as they were filling gas tanks. You understood how Armin felt, you were scared too but this wasn't the time to let your fears get the best of you. You remained calm and quiet when you got assigned to the rear guard with the most Elite soldiers. Mikasa was also selected in the rear guard much to her dismay. She wanted to protect Eren but there wasn't much of an option here. You all got into position, watching the civilians being evacuated. The titans didn't reach this part of the town yet. After waiting for a while, you could see 7 titans, three 12 meter class, two 10 meter class, one 3 meter class and one 8 meter class, approaching. The middle guard wasn't doing a good job for sure. It seemed that two of those titans were abnormals that ran past us in sheer speed. "Hey you all! Get those abnormals! I'll take care of these" you shouted to your squad members. A man from Garrison shouted with hesitation, "You're just a cadet! You don't have the experience to take on 5 titans at once!". " I can! Don't waste time! Just go!" you shouted at them with authority in your voice. The look in your eyes told them that you were being serious and they went after the two abnormals. You took out your blades and gracefully flew up with my 3DMG, making perfect strokes on the nape of the titans.

You stood on a roof of a building, looking at the blood steaming up from your sleeves. This reminded you of familiar memory. The only thing different was that the blood didn't steam up back then. "Oi cadet (L/N)! The evacuation is complete! Get out of here!" our squad leader shouted at you. "I'm going to see how the middle guard is doing." Mikasa shouted at the leader as she zoomed past you. You decided to follow the leader's orders and get over the wall. You knew Eren's safety was important for Mikasa but you barely had any gas in your tank after taking down those titans and you assumed that you should make the rational decision and try to survive.

To be continued

[Author's note: I kinda wrote this fanfiction last year and that's when I actually first started writing which is why it may not be as good as the stuff I write now]

Taglist: @kingtamakimurder @realityisoftendisapointing

#levi aot #levi heichou #levi ackerman #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi attack on titan #aot fanfiction #aot

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justhereforfanfiction · 4 years

Text

Lost - Logan x MC

Angst, approximately 2, 500 words.

Hi. This is my first ever fanfiction, so any feedback is welcome! Although I haven't posted any fanfictions on there other than this one, I will likely branch out from Choices on Wattpad and if you are interested in that, maybe you could look at my account? It's @ GalaxyGirl20671! Again, feedback including constructive criticism is welcome, and I hope you like it! I think it helps 'set the mood' if you do listen to the song, but in no way do you have to! I hope you enjoy. 😊

I know I didn't use every lyric but that's because I didn't want to use repeated lines in case it became repetitive.

Song - Lost by Freya Ridings

*I know I use 'Ellie' in this instance but it just represents the MC - to me, it feels a bit detached to use 'Y/N' - but feel free to self-insert if you wish! :)*

'Standing on the platform, watching you go...'

Ellie stood at the turn - in at the end of her block, watching as a sleek, black-striped yellow sports car slid out of its slot into the street. Almost as easy as it had come into her life, she supposed, on that less-than-fateful day. But she knew that that was not the case, just as she knew the boy whose spark plug necklace was slipped under her t-shirt, guarding her rapidly beating heart.

'It's like no other pain I've ever known'

That same heart ached at even the concept of him leaving her side, yet somehow there the reality was painted, harsh and monochrome against the bold, colourful canvas of what had been her hopes and dreams for the two of them. Although with him, those dreams could have been driving around the city or sat in some reincarnation of his loft eating takeout from Kelso's, and it would still make her feel as though she was graduating from a hundred- no, a thousand - Langstons. Her sense of loss was so strong it manifested itself as physical pain - a common symptom of undergoing stress, she seemed to remember from one of their late-night 'study sessions', the knot in her stomach tightening at the fond, soon-to-be-bittersweet memory.

'To love someone so much, to have no control...'

Ellie could still feel her whole body pulse gently, perhaps not entirely from her emotions (although those threatened to overwhelm her), but from the intensity and fierceness of their last embrace before he left. That had been out of her hands, he had wanted to keep her safe - but her father pulling a gun on him only pushed the situation further out of her grasp. It seemed she had come full circle - from her cop father controlling her life to her breaking free, her forgiving him again, and back to him commanding the one thing she loved beside him; the boy with the car. Couldn't she have one untarnished goodbye out of the many to remember him by, without someone accusing them of something? Ellie's dad had only been trying to protect her, and she knew that - but her first everything had been putting HER first as well, being noble for Gods' sake! Even if it didn't feel like it to her...

'You said "I wanna see the world", and I said "Go"'

The look on his face had told Ellie one thing, yet his mouth spoke another. He had known she had plans for the future, and to him, he was getting in the way of those. With his words, he gently retracted himself from her life. He had been 'just some kid you caused trouble with in high school' to her father undoubtedly, but in Ellie's heart, she knew he was so much more. However, while he was saying that, his arms drew her in and she had melted into his touch. The sound of his car engine seemed to call out decidedly that his words had signified his true intentions.

'I think I'm lost, without you'

Without him, Ellie didn't know who she should be anymore. He was the one who brought her into this life, who brought out this side of her. Every time she had been brave, or confident, or even remotely bold, it had been because of him, directly or otherwise? Whoever thought she'd dance at a secret warehouse rave? Or pass her driving test? Or even talk to Ingrid as an equal in any way other than academics? Going back to her old self felt as difficult as trying to separate water from the sand without filter paper. "Be the real you. the one that was always waiting to come out" he had said. She wanted to so badly, but how could she do that when so much of that person was based on him? It was just like Colt had said - every time she gets behind the wheel she will remember them and the year she had spent.

'I just feel crushed without you'

Ellie's emotions weighed down on her like the heavens on Atlas the Titans' shoulders. Whenever they had been driving or executing one of Kanaeko's master plans with the rest of the MPC, she had enjoyed - no, loved - his company, yet now she realised that once the others were gone he had been the one she needed the most of all of them. And now he was about to be gone, leaving her with a stolen car that Toby wasn't here to patch up, and the memories of fleeting touches long since past.

'I've been strong for so long, I never thought

how much I needed you'

Even when he had left after teaching her to fight, Ellie had not felt it with the same note of finality that this moment held. She had always thought there was a possibility - however small - of seeing him one last time. And now, even though she wished it desperately, Ellie knew he wasn't coming back. This time, too much was on the line.

'Strangers rushing past, just trying to get home.'

In the not-so-far distance, Ellie could hear the steady stream of LA traffic that the boy she loved would soon enter. She wondered - would they know a wanted street racer was cruising down the freeway amongst them? That that drive was breaking two hearts and would damage at least one more before the night was out? Nobody knew where he was going, however, not even Ellie. Her best guess was back to Detroit, but Ellie guessed that not even he knew where he would wind up tomorrow morning. Even that one suggestion could have been some sort of plot to make sure she didn't worry about him (although she would nonetheless) or found where he was. He knew her better than anyone, after all. She would only have agreed to Mona's terms if he had reiterated them.

'But you were the only safe haven that I've known'

Those words were true enough. Despite her father claiming to support her in everything she did, the one thing Ellie never knew she wanted had been right under her nose, kept away from her by the one who 'only wanted her to be happy'. Sure, Ellie understood that Grand Theft Auto wasn't exactly a conventional - or indeed safe- pastime, but not teaching her to drive only meant that once Ellie wanted to learn, she was dangerously inexperienced anyway! And look where that got her. With her driving license, of course (since Ellie, as her dad loved to brag, "succeeded in everything she put her mind to"), but with her friends a now orphaned teen with what seemed to be a world (or at least city) domination problem, a hardened criminal currently in hospital, soon to be jail with a bullet through her side because of her, and two mechanic - slash racers on the run, and a boyfriend (well, would-be, since they never defined the relationship, but an ex now involuntarily)being forced by her dad to leave the country at gunpoint.

The boyfriend who had taught her how to drive. Who had cared about her over the safety of his crew, or even being put in jail. Who had guided her through her first... everything, really. First kiss, first car, first heist - whenever Ellie needed him, he was there. And most importantly, she could say next to anything around him and he would listen and give advice without judgement. Even though she had missed the comfort of her bed whilst residing in his loft, that boy was - and Ellie had a feeling always would be - where her heart lived.

'Hits me at full speed,

Feels like I can't breathe

And nobody knows'

As soon as the key had turned in the ignition, the Devore roaring to life, Ellie's breath had been knocked out of her as fast as if her car could have accelerated from 0 to 100 in a nanosecond. All she wanted to do was scream and howl at the sky, to God, to anyone who would listen to try and get them to rewrite fate so that they could be together. She wanted to cry to Riya, but she knew that her best friend no matter how much they had in common would just take her to get ice cream and tell her 'these things heal in time'. She wanted to collapse at her mothers' feet as she frequently did in her dreams, but the tightness of the heirloom bracelet at her wrist reminded Ellie that that was impossible.

Most of all, however, she wanted her fathers' understanding; that she loved and had lost just as he had all those years ago. She remembered when her dad had met him for the first time properly, the anger he had wielded towards the boy who had put her in so much danger - who had saved her from it just as many times. The disbelief on his face as she explained that she loved this 'bad boy', this 'adrenaline junkie' as she was sure her father addressed him in his mind. How the initial shock had moulded into fury at whatever 'trick' he was sure this criminal must have worked on his daughter. No, Ellie was sure he wouldn't understand for at least the next week or so.

'This pain inside me

My world is crumbling

I should have never

Let you go'

The first tear of what was to be many rolled down Ellie's already mascara-striped face as she fell to her knees. Her dad looked at her in surprise as she screamed in the middle of the street, and could see an identical tear roll down the face of the boy inciting it as he drove past the old man, wincing in guilt as the sound of his ride or die's anguish reached his ears. Had it maybe been the wrong thing to do? Had he maybe... underestimated the intensity of the teenagers' emotions? Undoubtedly, but he had to protect his daughter from going down the wrong path.

Ellie's jaw tightened as her father dared to look vaguely upset at the situation. He was the one worsening it after all. It was almost shameful of him to have judged her (literal) partner in crime so quickly. After all, when had he ever hurt her with bad intentions at heart? Ellie realised that her anger was not directed towards her father, but rather towards herself for allowing this to happen. She couldn't have stopped him leaving, but she could have made sure they were farther out of her dads' line of sight so they would have a chance of a 'proper' goodbye, whatever that was; the one year had spent with him and the crew had felt far more meaningful than any of the 18 she had gone through alone, to the point where the mere thought of goodbye was heartbreaking. And she had simply let him be treated in that way by her kin?

'I've been strong for so long, I never thought

How much I love you'

Earlier in the evening, once she had dispelled all of her nervous energy, her mind had been solely focused on bringing Shaw and The Brotherhood down. But once that had come to pass, her emotions had hit her like a ton of bricks. The Mercy Park Crew had no reason to stick around now Teppei was dead; it was time to find a new gang. For Colt and Mona, leaving had not been a choice. The latter's injury and the formers' determination to build his name in LA's criminal underworld saw to that. Saying goodbye to each of them had been no easy task, and she had half expected him to have skipped town already, to save them both the heartbreak of saying goodbye. But that had not been the case, as he had stepped out of the darkness to say one final farewell.

Tears had soaked Ellie's skin at the words he spoke, as they did now as he drove away. Her guard had been up during the heist, channelling her anger and determination to have Jason put behind bars, along with Detectives Wallace and Hester. But when she was around the crew, those she considered close enough to be family, Ellie had broken down. She had been fierce and brave then; that had been to cover up her paralysing fear of losing them again. Of losing herself again. His goodbye had hurt the most, like a slap to the face, short and painful but with lasting effects.

Throughout the brief conversation, their relationship had played through her mind; not just from her perspective, but what it must have been like for him. How on that day, what seemed to be casual flirting and general friendliness must have been tiptoeing through a minefield for him. A single wrong move and the whole crew could be placed at risk. The initial shock and rush when driving from the cops leading to the beginning of their relationship. How in each moment Ellie fell deeper in love with him, he was doing the same, only that feeling of freefalling was paired with the guilt of tricking her, and the fear of letting her in at the risk of his emotions and her safety - concerns which were not calmed by certain complications they had run into along the way. This myriad of memories only emphasised the emptiness Ellie felt in her heart now.

'Standing on the platform, watching you go.

You said, "I wanna see the world" and I said "Go"'

As Ellie felt the tarmac of the sidewalk dig into her knees and tears roll down her face, she watched as the car she knew so well turned into the next street. When the car swung around, she caught a glimpse of its driver, his eyes trained on hers, smiling weakly through tear-filled eyes. Regret was written undeniably in his gaze, but he was trying to put on a brave face for her to remember him by. Trademark. A thought that once would have put a grin on Ellie's face now caused her to sob in sorrow, grieving the little moments that comfortably passed between them that she was sure could not be replicated with anyone else. She shot him back a brief smile, equally bittersweet in the less than perfect moment, and the last words he said to her echoed in her mind.

"Give 'em hell, troublemaker"

His car finally moved out of sight, and Ellie suddenly felt the repressed need to call out for him spring out in full force; now that her father had walked inside she felt less pressured to avoid the elephant in the room, at least out loud.

"Logan..." she choked out to no one in particular, as she rubbed her road marked knees the way he would have done and slowly got up.

Later, after she had deleted their messages from her phone and laid in her bed in silence, she took off the necklace from around her neck and placed it on the adjourned pillow. "Logan." Ellie whispered to herself as if in the affirmation that he had been real.

She had been lucky to know him. Too bad there wasn't a next time to be ready for.

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