#and everything to do with feeling taken for granted. imo

[bisclavret]

which could mean nothing

[ambrosiagourmet]

Did Laios have a plan

... when he made his deal with the Lion? How much of it was intentional and how much of it was out of his control?

Well. If I'm being honest I don't really want to try and provide a definitive answer to that question, because I think the ambiguity is, itself, part of the story. I've gone back and forth a few times myself, and I don't think either category - "fully intentional" or "fully coincidence" - is entirely true.

That being said, I would like to point out a few things that I've seen taken for granted as true. Things that, imo, are much more about the character's perspective, or about what the character WANTS people to think (well, that's really just the Winged Lion).

Consider this not exactly an argument for "Laios masterminded everything from the start and saved the world with his cunning," but more... "Laios considered what he was doing more than people give him credit for." Make sense?

Alright then, let's go:

So to start with, I want to show every time (that I could find, at least) that the question of 'does Laios have a plan' gets brought up. This is specifically after his Ultimate Monster Form is revealed, to be clear - the question isn't about if he has a plan in general, it is if he has/had a plan when he made this specific deal with the Lion.

Here they are:

-

-

You'll notice, in all of these instances, there never really is an answer given to the question. Either because there is no way to get one, or, with Kabru at the end there, because he explicitly doesn't let Laios answer. There's even a bit of an arc here: we start with a sort of desperate 'I've mostly given up but maybe this isn't as bad as it looks,' then get a more optimistic 'maybe we really are saved,' and finally end on 'it all worked out in the end, so we maybe don't need to know.'

But, as much as there is some genuine growth in Kabru's 'accept the outcome, rather than dissecting the truth,' I also think it says a lot more about him than about Laios. Kabru is the one trying to handle his questions and his uncertainty - as he said, he wants to confirm his judgement of character. He wants to feel like he had control over things.

And he lets that go! But he also doesn't actually get the truth, either, and his implied assumption here (that Laios, the wide-eyed monster-lover, probably just followed his desires), still relies on his judgements and assumptions about Laios.

But okay, these bits are all focused on the characters theorizing about Laios. How about we look at the character who actually tells us the facts ("facts"): the Winged Lion.

The Winged Lion has quite a bit to say about Laios and his monster form.

He says that Laios hates humanity, and would rather be a monster

I've talked about this a bit already, but the Lion makes a lot of claims and assumptions about Laios that aren't necessarily true.

First of all, let's just make sure we clearly establish that the Lion is being manipulative here. That may seem obvious, but it's important to understand that there is a difference between 'the truth' and 'a version of the truth specifically framed to prey upon your deepest shame and insecurities about what you really want.'

To point out a few quick-and-dirty contradictions here:

If Laios really hated all other humans, then the Lion wouldn't hinge so many of his other arguments on Laios' love for Falin and his friends.

the Lion claims that Laios "[doesn't] even care enough about the future of [the] world to express an opinion about it," even though Laios has literally expressed opinions on what he wants for the world, to the Lion's face.

In general, the Lion does not make a distinction between urges and choices (see, for instance: him using Marcille's subconscious fear of the canaries as a way to keep her from stopping the monsters from attacking in chapter 86).

I'm not saying there is not a piece of truth here, but also... we are not our darkest thoughts, and we especially are not those thoughts as defined by someone who wants to hurt and control us.

But let’s move on to the stuff the Lion claims about Laios once he has been turned into his monster form.

2. He says that (or rather, acts like) Laios is under his control

The Lion really enjoys grandstanding about how Monster Laios is an ultimate tool he has control over. He gloats about making Laios fight the others, and has him smash through the magical barrier.

But smashing the barrier is kinda the only thing that Monster Laios actually does for the Lion. He doesn't attack anyone. He doesn't hurt his friends, despite Chilchuck thinking that Laios has "turned completely into a monster." And he certainly doesn't simply let the Lion go through with his plan to eat everyone.

This barrier smashing is actually an interesting and odd thing for Laios to have done specifically, so remember that one. I'll come back to it later.

But, yeah, to the original point... despite the Lion's dramatics, all that Monster Laios does is pose, smash up a magic barrier, and then eat him. Not exactly under his control.

AND SPEAKING OF EATING THE DEMON...

3. He frames Laios attacking and eating him as thoughtlessly violent

This one is pretty funny to me, and the Lion keeps it up for the whole scene. I'm not sure how much of this is his genuine understanding of the situation, and how much is him intentionally framing things in the most insulting manner, but like... truly. The ego involved in this. To see someone who has, multiple times, tried to stand against you - someone who has literally wished for your non-existence, to your face - to see this person attack you, specifically, and have your first reaction be 'huh, I guess he's a reckless weirdo to the core???'

Incredible stuff.

And this part, too:

He claims that Laios can't recognize anyone, that he's out of control. And yet, the Lion is the only person that gets eaten here. He is Laios' singular target.

Hell, Laios even specifically attacks one of the bodies that is actively hurting Chilchuck. I don't know if that was entirely intentional on Laios' part, but I do think it's notable.

The Lion torments Laios' friend, and when Laios does something that interrupts that action, the Lion reframes it as unhinged violence. I don't know, there's something here about the way that cruel people only talk about the things people do to resist them as violent, and ignore the violence that causes such resistance in the first place.

In any case, the main point is that the Lion insists on treating Laios like an unthinking animal during this fight, despite the fact that Laios is clearly trying to accomplish something here.

And what exactly is Laios trying to accomplish? Well, the Lion isn't entirely wrong. Laios is trying to eat something. He tells us as much.

And truly, everything Laios does as a monster points to this. He had a goal. And he accomplished it.

Let me back up a moment. I need to explain smashing the barrier.

So, Laios first starts considering how to kill the Lion when he is confronted with the fact that his only other choice would be to kill Marcille. Immediately and entirely discarding that solution, because of course he does, he tries to wrap his head around what defeating the Lion would even look like.

He clearly continues thinking about this, as a nearly identical conversation happens a few chapters later, when Laios is once again told that killing Marcille is the only way forward.

Only, this time, he's started to come up with an idea for how to do this impossible thing.

Harkening all the way back to the Living Armor chapter, Laios draws on the same lesson - if the Lion has made itself part of the world, if it has made itself into something alive, that means he can kill it. And eat it.

But there's an important extra detail to this. If he's going to try and kill (and eat) the Lion, he needs to strike when it’s vulnerable. He needs to strike when it's eating.

This is why he smashes through the barrier. Again, nothing else he does as a monster really benefits the Lion. He doesn't attack anyone else. The only command he obeys is to smash the barrier. Because the Lion has to think he has won for Laios to be able to eat him.

Beat him. For Laios to be able to beat him.

The question of why Monster Laios wanted to eat the Lion is, I think, the most ambiguous part. Was he curious? Hungry? Did he fight for his own life, for his friends, or for all of humanity? Did he know how to win because he had planned everything from the start, or because he was driven by an unquenchable instinct to do whatever it took to survive?

I don't know that it is possible to say for sure. But I do know that the Lion underestimates Laios, through it all. He underestimates Laios as a human, and he underestimates Laios as a monster.

And in the end, after he is bested, even then I don't think the Lion ever gets Laios. I don't think he understands how much Laios means his words about the Lion being burdened by hunger...

or what Laios cares about most...

or what meaning there is in life, for him.

So I don't buy what the Lion is selling about Laios, generally speaking. I don't buy that Laios didn't ever know what he was doing, and I don't buy that he was nothing more than a hungry beast.

Well. I mean. He was a hungry beast. But he was a more than that too. He was the Devourer of All Things Horrible. And he didn't just happen into that title by chance.

[silviakundera]

I've seen you discuss this with other people but I've only made the jump from J dramas to C ones where it's mostly about romance and are c writers allergic women making the same effort in a relationship or... Granted I've only watched dramas from this year at first I thought it was just historical stuff but it's not it's practically every romance drama will love in spring-snowstorm-love endures-in blossom-double-shenli-royal princess-my boss-our interpreter and so on. If she's not outright treating him badly he's a cirque du Soleil contortionist trying to please her and she's not even in the circus don't they know balance is key to everything? Different dramas should have different bonds it's quite concerning that it's just one thing almost every time I think it speaks to a larger issue or maybe I'm overthinking it

idk what to tell you anon. It may simply be that chinese dramas are not to your taste and that's ok. I tried the occasional kdrama for years and didn't really fall in love with many... Most jdramas don't engage me. But when I tried a few cdramas it was like love at first sight. Something about the stories they want to tell, the themes they explore, and the characters they tend to portay just hooks me. And that's a very personal thing.

All I can share is that as a middle-aged corporate lesbian girlboss... a surprising amount cdramas have connected with me about how they explore a woman who is career focused & has to balance that with developing a romantic relationship and then maintaining one.

And when I'm consuming a romance storyline, what preocupies me is if I find it interesting, if the characters both feel vibrant & dynamic, if I can see how they might work together. Do their broken pieces fit? Can I see a path where eventually they can reach a point of mutual understanding, where both are fulfilled? Do I get their vibe? Do they have a unique vibe? Do I believe they like each other, as people? Or at least, do I see a clear path where they will be/have these things by the end of the story?

That's what dictates if I want to keep watching/reading a romance. Personally, I don't spend a lot of time weighing up perceived effort/favors and needing things to be perceived as "even". I would not want to date a person who thinks like that, because I find that idea stressful and off-putting! 🙈 If the people are happy, then they're happy! If neither feels abused & taken advantage of, if they're clearly content, then I don't need to calculate 'same effort' parity.

But that's just me! Everyone is different. And you don't have to overthink or justify what TV you like or don't like. Maybe cdramas aren't for you. That's all good. But please don't ask me to engage with romance this way, it kinda poisons it for me and makes things a bummer. 😔

I simply cannot say that I share your perspective. For instance, I thought Shen Li was a drama with a great otp who had priorities that did not always align but ultimately they ended up in a beautiful relationship with unconventional gender dynamics and in the finale they are clearly super happy & fulfilled together.

The Princess Royal isn't finished yet but lemme say their love in the novel is EPIC. Absolute one of the otps of all time for me. Better characters than most western historical romance novels I've read. If you look at the small stuff and try to weight who did this or that as a series of transactions, imo you are missing the beauty of how these 2 people took a lifetime of getting everything wrong before being ready for each other - but now they are ready, they are listening to each other and remembering to come back with kindness for each other and moving foward into a bond that's truly beautiful. Yeah, it takes almost the whole novel to get there. But IT DOES. No one loves Pei Wenxuan harder than Li Rong, sees the true value of Pei Wenxuan more than Li Rong, and no one will come to his ferocious rescue like Li Rong. I feel like I could cite 35 quotes to prove my point, it's that clear in the text.

a few of the modern cdrama couples who made me want to believe in love again:

Lighter & Princess - academic rivals to lovers to exes to ????, a drama that snuck up on me and slowly made me lose my mind. Best experience is to be unspoiled and thus surprised about where the story takes you. A long winding road, with some huge dips, before they reach a place where they have a beautiful hard-earned partnership. Makes me emotional just to think about them.

Hidden Love is a simple but beautifully acted tale about a sheltered & gently spoiled girl who falls in love with one of her older brother's best friends. Such a common romance plot but the execution is everything. The characters feel warm & real. FL's bittersweet young love tugs at your heart strings. I was impressed at how they crafted the platonic bond she forms with a lonely young man weighed down by financial & emotional family burdens, which later blooms into a mutual affection that enriches both their lives, and it all feels very natural. You really feel that their lives are immeasurably better by being together. Sang Zhi's protectiveness towards him is so !!!

Vid Rec: Seven by SakinaMv (who I've subscribed to for a long time)

You Are My Glory, which has a very silly sounding concept but ended up one of my fav comfort shows. Beautiful teen girl has a crush on the local school genius and asks him out; he politely rejects her, dismissing her efforts to connect because he can't see what they would have in common. 13 years later, he's a rocket scientist and she's become one of the top idols in china. She's at the peak of her profession but having a tiny PR mishap when caught repping a video game that she actually doesn't play. He's taking a leave from work as he struggles with the economic realities of picking a job that consumes your life but pays like shit. She's looking for help to learn this damn game & cover her ass; she still has his chat ID and he's online with nothing better to do. Once they start interacting, her crush on him returns & he starts to realize that that person he had discounted may actually be that confidant who can walk beside him? My dad was poor scientist who 'wasted' his intelligence following his passion, so I found ML's turmoil especially compelling. [Note: quite a bit of video game playing in the 1st half of the drama (as this is the driver for a celebrity and an unemployed scientist to hang out), then almost none in the second half]

Vid Rec: Stargazing by dramasaffair

Vid Rec: Flashlight by HânAlli (turn on CC)

The Road Home, a second chance romance of 2 people who come from rough home-lifes who fell in love when young but couldn't handle a long distance relationship. Then they meet many years later and try a long distance relationship again. I love me a couple who I can believe just get each other and make each other happier when they are together.

Meet Yourself - a slice-of-life story about a woman whose best friend dies, so she quits her job out of grief to go take the simple vacation that they would talk about doing but never got around to. And naturally she finds herself immersed in village drama and finds a soulmate (big city career woman goes to a small town and falls in love with small town boy is a HUGE american romance cliche, and one I've never enjoyed, so I was surprised at how much I liked this)

Vid Rec - MK916 can always be counted on to publish tons of quality cdrama couple vids

[greys-reblog]

Does anyone feel like Arcane Season 2 is kinda rushed? Like, not in a bad way, they definitely accomplished the plot points they're trying to do without skipping or missing something important. It just feels like there's so much going on and there's far too little time taken to actually process what happened 3 episodes ago and now that's resolved already.

Granted, it might've always been like this, but to me season 1 feels more coherent? Like in season 1 there's a singular plot thread of the Undercity becoming the nation of Zaun and everything that's happening in season 1 is how it got to that point but in season 2 it's like "oh dictator Cait? Now she betrays it actually!" There is the training with Ambessa and to be fair it is a timeskip but I feel like far more time going into the actions and what Cait does as a dictator instead of just skipping it to a time where she's tired of that line of work would've made the revenge plot FAR more satisfying. The same can be said about Viktor's cult imo, there is the setting up where he becomes Jesus Christ 2.0 but then we're just shoehorned into what the cult already is and there's not a lot of development on how the cult became to be and what it represents.

This is coming from someone who binged watch season 1 all the way through by the way.

[nostalgicatsea]

Second "going with the flow and letting everything out without stopping" work for @lightsonparkave round 58, inspired by this prompt and this one.

This is Steve after he and Tony part ways at the end of AoU. I don't necessarily believe Steve wallowed in his feelings like this; imo, I think he wishes he had spent more time enjoying his days with the OG6 a normal amount, but he won't truly understand how much he wishes he had more time with them until he goes on the run and realizes he can never get those days back. They're gone even if things get patched up somehow. That's how we get Endgame Steve. Regret hasn't clawed into him yet, and neither has the full brunt of self-awareness when it comes to certain aspects of his life (Tony, for instance).

But this got away from me and became its own thing, and I'm posting without overthinking it because I wrote just to write so here we are. This is for the man who wants to live in the present and never manages to.

—

It's not fair to say that he thought it would last forever when he had one foot out the door the whole time. It's just...he thought there would be more time. It feels like they ended when they were just beginning. He had one foot out the door maybe, but when Tony came to him, only hours after SHIELD fell, and he said yes to Tony, said let's try it, give the Avengers a go, and saw the same smile that lit up Tony's face after the battle against the Chitauri appear again, he thought, yes, this was what it was supposed to be. This was the right path and he had chosen wrong before, chosen familiarity, chosen institutions and ghosts over what they could have been, over people and the here and now and reality and life, but he'd choose right this time. He'd choose right. Except he didn't because Tony was leaving.

Steve doesn't know when he started taking things for granted. He just knows that Tony offered him eternity one moment and is driving off the next, eyes on some other path that he thought had to be taken, that Steve wasn't on. Steve wonders what would have happened if he had been more attentive, if he had been more present. If that would have changed anything. It's not you, it's me, Tony would probably say, but he's not looking at Steve anymore and Steve wants Tony to look at him, to demand that he does. He thinks he has the power to make Tony do that, or had right up until a few minutes ago anyway when he said he'd be fine, that it was okay for Tony to go, and if that's true, then it is partially on him then that they're facing different directions, heading down different roads.

Steve wants Tony to stop, to slow down. He's almost out of his line of sight already. He wants to say sorry for thinking eternity meant that things could wait, that it could happen some other time, any time, that it would always be there regardless of whether he came or went, regardless of whether he grabbed it with two grateful, eager hands or with a half-committed handshake, because that's what eternity meant. If there was no expiration date, then it was continuous, a circle that didn't start, just existed, separate from his interference or influence.

He wants a redo. Wants time to drip treacly thick, so movement is barely perceptible. Wants to hold onto the atoms of time tightly in his fists as they come into being like little starbursts, to the instants when something is before it transforms into was, and not let go. Not let them go out. If he could do that, maybe they would have never arrived where they are now, parting before anything ever really started.

I wasn't ready, he wants to say, but it's already over.

[twelvebooksstuff]

Some Jurassic Park Daily Reflection-ft Life Finds A Way

I know I’m a few days late to when this chapter was the assigned reading, but I’m still going to make a post about this specific part of the book. I want to highlight the quote in the post title “Life…Finds A Way”. This small phrase has essentially become the slogan of the whole entire franchise, and arguably taken on a life of its own (no pun intended). So I want to talk a bit about the scene where we are first introduced to it, before even the iconic scene in the first film, to when we see the equivalent of that scene in the book.

It’s part of a much larger spiel, which is pretty par for the course for Book!Ian Malcolm, who is prone to long diatribes, many paragraphs long, detailing his opinions on everything from fashion to capitalism to natural history and beyond.

Anyway, the scene where this spiel takes place is actually not the scene in the laboratory like in the film, but rather a scene with an injured stegosaurus (triceratops in the movie). Dr. Sattler and Dr. Grant are trying to help the vet Dr. Gerry Harding assist the dinosaur to recovery, and Tim, Lex, Ian, Ed Regis (a PR representative who was not in the film) and Donald Gennaro (the lawyer, who is essentially a different character in the books) are all crowding around, too. Lex gets board and tries to play catch with some of the adults-Gennaro agrees and has a sidebar conversation with Malcolm at the same time. During this conversation, Gennaro essentially says that he thinks Malcolm’s use of chaos theory is too broad (“is anything not predicted by your theory” he point blank asks). He is skeptical, but Malcolm is able to provided specific examples beyond “things are unpredictable”, which Malcolm is able to do, listing many specifics. When trying to explain his underlying perspective, we get the basis memorable monolouge from the film: “The history of evolution is that life escapes all barriers. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. But life finds a way…I don’t mean to be philosophical, but there it is.”

What’s most interesting to me is that unlike the pristine lab setting where we get this in the film, Malcolm outside talking to his colleague who’s playing catch with a young kid. Not only does it seem less grandiose, in a way, but it seems to have a more practical application, too. Oftentimes, in the later films or even other media, this idea of “life finds a way” takes on this “humanity will survive” kind of context that feels totally applicable, but a bit disconnected from the film scene imo.

But in the book, the entire spiel is happening over a game of catch, a game that means a lot to Lex, who, not fully known to Ian and Gennaro at this point, is having a very rough time at home. She feels unheard and ignored by all the adults in her life, and excluded even by Tim at points. But in this moment, Gennaro takes the time to indulge her game, and as far as Malcolm’s concerned, the more people to hear him talk, the merrier. In the midst of this hectic tour of a prehistoric zoo, they have found a small moment to connect, to build bonds, to be a community, and that represents the survival of humanity and the human spirit to me in a very visceral way.

It makes all the “life finds a way” tied to humanity exclusively make even more sense, too. Because while Malcolm is talking about things on a grand history scale, he’s also doing so while participating in/witnessing this small human moment, and it’s kind of perfect, in a way.

Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts about this and wanted to share!

[ghelgheli]

17! but also using the opportunity of the ask game to get to know more about the effortless worldbuilding in sff :)

from the end-of-year book ask

17: Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I think Three Body Problem is the only one meeting this condition this year so I'll have no trouble staying on topic :> but I'm gonna specifically talk about "hard" SF as I conceive of it—I haven't read any analysis so this may just be a jumble of improvised thoughts.

SF, being "speculative" fiction, of course has to take on the problem of speculating and of presenting things that don't (and perhaps cannot) happen. On average this is accomplished thru a healthy combination of scientific grounding and good-natured handwaving: I drop a few sentences about "quantum entanglement" and you go along with my ansible, or you tell me about "positronic circuits" and I agree that you can make a brain with them. This is the compact that makes SF work because you fundamentally cannot expect speculation without, well, ceding ground on reality.

But at least a subset of SF readers are of the kind to really want to grok how it is that this or that scientific feature of the world works or may come about. Every contraption and novel technology is like a puzzle to be riddled out. This is the place where speculation becomes sincere mechanical prediction, and it's why I love hard SF.

This subset of readers can be matched to a subgenre of writers who commit fully to filling in as many blanks in their technological, biological, etc. speculation as possible. The rows of astronomical data can't be left vague—tell me what frequency of light we're dealing with here—xenobiology isn't taken for granted—what is the neurology of your aliens??—and so on. The dots are connected, the rest of the owl is drawn for real, the image is made crisp. Like fireworks for the reader's brain.

When this kind of worldbuilding is executed well imo it looks effortless. Looks, not is, because behind every explanation of near-c travel is hours of research into at least special relativity and time dilation, along with calculations by-hand. Behind every account of an exoplanet's atmosphere is probably a few papers perused on the subject and several articles on scientific american. Peter Watts, in the note at the end of Blindsight, includes a fucking bibliography of a hundred or so references as well as thank-yous to many an academic he split handles of liquor with. And this is only the visible fragment of what has to be a library of knowledge accumulated both passively and actively to make a speculated world feel as concretely plausible as possible.

None of this is necessary for good SF. The aforementioned compact means any author can opt out of this commitment at any time. But it's what it takes to make tightly-written hard SF, where your conceptual hands are kept diligently at your side, waving an idea through maybe once every five chapters when you have no other choice.

So anyway, Three Body Problem is a tour de force in doing this and doing it cleanly. It uses a storytelling device a lot of hard SF employs to make it work: rather than stuffing dense exposition into narration (at which point, just read the source papers) it deploys a cast of characters who more than anything else, really know their shit. We get exposition trickle-fed through experts who are trying, along with us, to make sense of their novel environments and unfamiliar technologies using their knowledge of the present limits of human understanding. This is what Watts does in Blindsight too, by the way: a claustrophobic ship crewed by technical specialists makes first contact, so everyone has something encyclopedic to say about everything and it's only natural.

What astounded me about Cixin Liu's writing is that he made it work just when I least thought he would be able to. I was sure I was being shown things completely inexplicable and necessarily supernatural until he went and explained them in plain terms; better yet, he explained them in ways that made so much sense in retrospect that I was kicking myself for not seeing the answer. This has exactly the flavour of a good puzzle.

The trade-off hard SF makes is that you are often limited in the metaphorical/thematic work you can do through your speculation. I think the contrast between "calendrical science" in Yoon Ha Lee's Machineries of Empire series and Asimov's "psychohistory" illustrates this well.

Yoon Ha Lee has mathematical training, and calendrical science is a speculative field consisting of theorems, conjectures, proofs, etc. in the language of mathematics that stand in for cultural hegemony and power projection. This makes for a great operationalization of soft power: space is filled and distorted by the quantifiable effects of whatever regime is dominant there (the "calendar" here being synecdoche for culture writ large). But obviously he can't fill in the blanks of how a calendar causes spacetime distortions that specifically make one side's weapons more effective, or provide certain formations with shielding effects. This is, I guess, semi-hard (lol) SF—you can see how it's supposed to work, but it's clear that it just won't. What you get in return is pretty politically interesting storytelling.

Psychohistory is the converse: a deterministic-enough lovechild of economics and sociology explained in the Foundation series as using all the familiar methods of linear algebra and differential equations together with unfamiliar innovations of just how to quantify human behaviour in order to make reliable predictions. There are entire chapters dedicated to explaining the conceptual nuance that went into developing psychohistory ("the hand on thigh principle" from prelude to foundation is just about how the theory resolves divergence by reducing insignificant terms to zero) and an entire book to exploring one of its limitations. It's fascinating to read. But you also get little narrative depth out of it, because hard SF, even when done well, is not guaranteed to make a story thematically interesting or politically compelling. This is the Three Body Problem problem too: its political commitments are threadbare and unserious because that's just not what it's about. I couldn't recommend it on those terms, but that's not what I like so much about it. I will say the conceptualization goes a little off the rails in the final chapters, but I think most SF authors were in some kind of string theory inspired fugue state at the time.

What I would love to see (and I'm sure exists) is hard SF that also has interesting politics. Unfortunately that's an intersection of two already-narrow intersections.

ty for ask✨🐐

[andreabandrea]

HELLO, just wanted to let you know that me and a friend of mine liked your critique essay on UTY so much that we spent the good part of an hour quoting it and discussing it back and forth. it was that special kind of catharsis you only get seeing someone point out the same flaws you saw. sorry for the long ask, but i wanted to share a few of our observations on the character writing.

hard agree about the original characters not leaving a huge impression. as a fellow enjoyer of morally grey women i especially share your disappointment with ceroba. and while her (and chijin's) portrayal in the story brushing past their horrible actions is problematic like you said, i think the underlying issue is more structural.

you know that trope of the Male Hero with Dead Wife Backstory? the only way i can describe my impression of the ketsukane storyline is if they'd swapped the roles of who died in that trope, and STILL managed to give the male character more agency in the story than his alive wife. i mean what... is Ceroba's role in the story aside from acting as a postmortem extension of Chujin's. Who IS Ceroba by herself when she isn't being defined by her role as Wife and Mother. The main sign that this was overlooked, imo, is how it's taken for granted that Ceroba even takes up Chujin's will at all. I mean, she's a housewife who grew up as a farmer. Why on earth would she have the necessary expertise to even attempt something like that? Either 1) Chujin already did everything for her (which, once again, sure doesn't give her own actions much of any bearing on the plot) or it's just taken for granted that she would. Because Ceroba's character is Good Wife, and a good wife would fulfill her husband's last will. No need to question that.

In addition, it's like the writing didn't want to commit to her delusions and little character development. She feels that her daughter is alive and thinks she can save her—wait no that was a lie—wait it wasn't. The moment she's defeated she goes "Agh, what was I thinking!" out loud (which is already a questionable writing choice imo but i digress), and recognizes that sacrificing Clover for her plans is horrible... and then 5 seconds later Clover chooses to sacrifice themself to break the barrier and whoops nevermind she's suddenly the one getting the others onboard with the idea... wait. didn't she say she was making the serum because the humans would've only slaughtered them again if they broke the barrier? oh wait wasn't that also chujin again? whoops.

It's not a matter of things being contradictory—grief can be just that, which I'm assuming is what the story wanted to drive at—it's a about it being inconsistent. And the result is that she just rings hollow to me.

(post being referenced)

this is such a good analysis of why the Ceroba plotline doesn't quite work, and I'm so glad you shared it! you're right. it is super disappointing that her entire role is just to be an extension of her husband's character, and we don't know who she is outside of "the good wife" and mother.

regarding grief and inconsistency-- I think that stories ultimately need to be held to a higher standard than real life. Real life, obviously, doesn't follow a three-act plot structure and things can and do happen for no reason, and sometimes there is no closure, and so on. But everything in fiction is expected to be there for a reason-- this is why "Chekov's gun" exists. Ceroba's inconsistent feelings about sacrificing Clover or Kanako's current status could be seen as indicative of grief, but it also makes for a poor story.

I feel like the "Kanako is alive still maybe in Alphys's lab" plotline may have been dropped because this can't really be answered in a meaningful way and still line up with canon Undertale. Kanako can't be alive and fallen down because we don't see her in the True Lab in Undertale, but she also can't be an amalgamate because we don't see her in any of the amalgamates (because, you know, she doesn't exist in canon Undertale). I guess you could say she's in a Memoryhead or something? It's an interesting idea to show the grief of one of the families who sent a loved one to Alphys's determination experiment, but the way Ceroba flip flops back and forth and then ultimately stops talking about it feels unfulfilling.

I would have liked to have seen any sort of resolution that doesn't require a direct answer about Kanako-- maybe Ceroba feeling unworthy of facing Kanako again after what she did, at least not yet. Or Ceroba accepting that Kanako is likely dead and she was clinging to the belief that Kanako could be alive out of her own grief, and putting ultimately faith in Alphys rather than charging further into science that she doesn't- and doesn't want to- understand.

I think Ceroba's lack of agency is especially reflected in her alleged friendship with Martlet. Sure, Martlet worked with Chujin, so we can reasonably believe that Martlet came to know his wife. But to my memory, we don't see them talk (outside of the true pacifist route finale, I suppose. We know that Ceroba releases Martlet from prison finally, but do you think she did that because they're friends or because someone had to reasonably let Martlet go eventually?). What's their relationship based on besides Chujin? Do you think they would have a bond going forward after the end of UTY? What are Ceroba's interests besides being a wife and a mom-- do you think Martlet would introduce her to making puzzles? Do you think they ever explored each others b

I think it could be argued that she has agency because she chose to experiment on Kanako when Chujin asked her not to, but I would argue in return that it's barely her own decision-- he left her no other way to really complete his work except to involve Kanako. How many other boss monsters are there? If we believe that this random guy could be a boss monster, then I suppose there could be more just out there, but that idea isn't explored-- and if there were more out there, then her decision to involve Kanako in the experiments only feels more foolhardy.

The inconsistency aspect is a great point, and I wish I had included that in my original post, haha. The problem isn't just that we don't get time to process Ceroba's plot and character development (supposedly-- I also think the "oh, what have I done?" aspect feels sudden and unsatisfying) after her boss fight, it's that she immediately changes her stance afterward. So, why did we have this fight to begin with? I remember when Clover was sacrificing their soul, I had this reaction like, "wait, they're really just going to hand it to her specifically after all that?" Lmao.

This is minor and very subjective, but another reason I like the "Asgore lost his wife and son" plot but don't like the "Ceroba lost her husband and daughter" plot as much (besides the whole Asriel & Chara storyline being much more impactful and related to Undertale's main plot than the Chujin & Kanako storyline) is that divorce is inherently just a million times funnier than a dead spouse. Toriel didn't die, she straight up left Asgore for a 3'4" short king she met through knock-knock jokes and then tells Asgore to go fuck himself in the pacifist ending. She's allowed to have agency and be someone outside of the (ex-)wife and the mom. It's awesome, and Ceroba's characterization (or lack thereof) feels like a step backwards in comparison.

Thank you again for sending this ask!

[seamsterspell]

As a Levihan, one thing I disagree with in your analysis is that Levi's vision of humanity is taken so lightly and reduced to the simple fact that the reason for staying in SC is more about loving the "fresh air". But it shouldn't be so simplistic about why Levi stayed in the SC and why he cares so much about humanity (especially when he is the heart of humanity and the SC). And let's not forget that he himself chose to stay in SC because he realized that as someone who has always tried to use his power for others, it was the best place to use it for the greater good, for the future.

He wanted to believe in a world where all death and tragedy could have purpose and meaning, and where there would be no needless senseless suffering. So he chose to stay and follow Erwin as his guide. It was for the cause of humanity, much more than for Erwin and the fresh air outside. Someone who put his mission ahead of his personal feelings just for that, and even for that he sacrificed Erwin (S3 uprising arc) Hange (Shiganshina arc) (something most shippers ignore)

I don't know I'm a shipper myself but one thing I've noticed is that people downgrade his purpose or his character and underestimate his vision for humanity just because of the favorites they ship with him. They even say that he doesn't care about humanity as much as he thinks he does.

Finally, about the threat to break Erwin's legs, it's not so much that he's worried that something will happen to him, it's that he thinks he's vital for humanity to win. That's why he asks him to wait for them here.

Hello, thank you for sharing me your thought regarding my analysis!

I knew when I wrote my last post, someone was going to disagree with how I see Levi as a character. I was probably not explaining it clearly enough, but it was not my intention to water down his motivation. I mean I think I did write in that post that he does care for humanity.

“Again, he didn't have a grand reason to fight in the first place, and so he just wanted to do what he thought was good: to lend all his strength to help humanity.”

Levi is complex and often misunderstood, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that he’s also simple. What I want to highlight is that Levi does not need any big motivation for his stay in SC. He stays because he feels it’s a good thing to do. Especially since he knows his strength will be a great help. Granted I was wrong for only saying that he only cares for the fresh air in the beginning, but I’m not saying it to discredit his dedication to the corps. I just want to highlight that he willingly risked his life just for a simple wish of breathing fresh air (and sharing it with people in the walls). His simplicity is what makes him kind.

I agree with you about Levi wanting to live in a world free of all suffering. Throughout his life he watched many people die (his mother, Kenny, Furlan, Isabel, his squad, etc), and so of course he did not want to see any more of that. But I both agree and disagree with your point about him putting his mission ahead of his personal feelings. I do know that he’s a person who puts duty above everything, but at the same time I don’t think he saw their death as something that he had to sacrifice.

To me, Levi is a quiet character with a loud and deep inner self. He thinks and reflects a lot, which is why he's careful with his actions. He thinks before he speaks and he keeps a lot of things inside of him. He might not show it, but he thinks and cares about his comrades. Therefore, I think he saw their death more as something that he had no way to prevent. Despite his feelings, he didn’t have any choice but to let them die because he also knew that it was the only way to save many more lives.

I’m not saying that I thought you were implying that Levi did not care for Erwin and Hange. I understand what you meant by “putting mission above his personal feelings (toward his comrades)”. But IMO, Levi can be both devoted to humanity and also devoted to his friends. It’s his dilemma, because, despite everything, his compassion is ever so present in his character.

This reminds me of how he eventually decided to save Armin instead of Erwin. I think deep inside he believed that Erwin is the “right” person to save because his charisma and tactical brilliance would help humanity down the line. However, at the same time, he also understood Erwin’s struggle, and so out of compassion for him, he decided to let Erwin rest.

The same goes for how I see his threat to Erwin. Yes, he knew how valuable Erwin was for humanity, and so he thought it was better for him to stay. However, we are talking about Levi who has seen many deaths around him. I like to think that he probably wants to prevent Erwin’s death if he could. I mean, he lost one of his hands, so his chance of survival was for sure low.

In my previous post, I was trying to focus on his relationships. Which is why I wrote it the way it was. But well in doing so I might had neglected some details which could lead to some misunderstanding.

Well, I’m not very active in the levihan fandom, but as far as my mutuals here, I never once see anyone say that he doesn’t care for humanity.

But I do understand your complaint. There are many people in the fandom and so there are different interpretations regarding dynamics and characters. I of course don’t agree with some of those takes, but I just roll with it I guess. I see it as part of the fandom experience. We can’t control what other people post anyway.

I mean, as long as they have fun with the characters and their dynamics, even if I disagree with their takes, who am I to tell them they are wrong? Shipping is supposed to be fun, right?

Not only that, certain aspects of characters might resonate differently with different people. Some people might like him for his loyalty, some for his strength, some for his dedication, and some for his dry sense of humour. And for me, it was certainly his kindness, his compassion, and his big heart that made me like his character in the first place. So I like to focus on that aspect of his characters.

Again, this is just my interpretation of his character, I understand if you disagree with me. We are human after all with different views and opinions.

I also hope I didn’t come across as rude or angry 😅 I do appreciate your input as it helps me realise the flaws in my analysis

[naaicha]

so i am slowly watching s2 of good omens with my family and i suppose so far i’m.. lukewarm on it? it IS funny which is good but also i can’t help but notice how much it’s become the heaven and hell show and it feels very much like gaiman is sort of spinning his wheels with that. the zombie stuff was like you get some silly gags i guess but it kinda comes out of nowhere and i’m like i REALLY wish you would just get back to solving the damn mystery actually

the flashback scenes were a fun addition in s1 but this season it just seems like a rehash of the same stuff. ostensibly i guess it’s showing all the times crowley was nice but again. we already know he does that so it’s not really adding anything new. like leave that to the fanfiction writers actually bc that’s what fanfiction is for.

i understand why the them wouldn’t be in the show anymore bc kids grow up but the decision to have none of the human characters come back is really disappointing for me i guess. even if i didn’t LOVE the execution in s1 (newt…) i think anathema’s arc finishes in a really interesting place also she was like my favorite character when i was a kid and she’s a quintessential pratchett Sensible Woman Character so i’m biased. but i love her and i miss her. so yeah basically everything i said the other day is still true. good omens as a book is about how wonderful and unpredictable humanity is and that’s simply not what this show is about. which is fine i can judge it and even enjoy it on other levels as long as we all understand it’s a Different Thing

maybe with less detours it could be a fun tight little mystery because that seems to be the angle they’re going for? sometimes? i like that as an idea but eh idk if it’s working for me yet but i have 2 more episodes left.

cant weigh in on the romance yet and i haven’t been paying that much attention but i am somewhat. wary of turning the characters into the fanfiction versions of themselves? but also maybe i’m a bad person to ask bc i don’t have a hard stance one way or the other on making the old man yaoi happen. like morally i support the concept but personally it’s not a NEED. i do think it’s a bit retconny to have them consider each other friends pre-s1 because there is the humor of them pretending to associate just for work when actually they just like hanging out

i’m not sure if they’re spinning it like crowley has been actively pining for millennia but i will say. if i were going to write this as a romance from s1 it’s like, these two characters have always had each other around so they take that relationship for granted and the impending armageddon makes them reevaluate what they actually care about. that’s what makes something like crowley thinking aziraphale actually got taken out in s1 a big moment because it’s like oh wait, the idea of losing this person is the scariest thing to me. so like if you want you could dedicate some time to characters working through their feelings properly and hitting the romcom beats. i think they’re doing a lot of the relationship development in flashbacks but they should have just done that in present day imo. even though i know period dress is fun to do

[dainesanddaffodils]

More Good Omens posting from me, still someone who has only consumed this season via spoiler posts, tumblr gifsets and youtube compilation videos -

anyway, I'm not letting my lack of actually watching s2 get in the way of today's post: "things I see people say they want in s3 that make me scratch my head"

namely, wanting Aziraphale and Crowely to fight. not necessarily in a physical, real war between heaven and hell (or humanity), but rather as like, bitter divorcees taking shots at each other. and i just... don't see that after how they left each other

(well, maybe for Crowley's side, but not at all from Aziraphale's)

I don't want things to be sunshine and rainbows and immediate reconciliation, mind you. I'm certainly not of the opinion that Aziraphale wasn't in his right mind when he made his choice in the last episode, or even that he or Crowley were being threatened (though the latter is more believable imo).

From what I've seen and read, my currently vibe is that Aziraphale did believe that he was making the best choice for heaven and for humanity (until the moment the words "second coming" are uttered - but I'll get back to that). And I think the tone of the two times he does waver sets the tone for what I think the next season is going to be - which is a lot of independent character growth before an emotional reunion.

Because Aziraphale's wavering comes after Crowley leaves. After Crowley says, don't bother forgiving me. which I think he hears as, don't bother trying to fix this. I'm done.

So when first he tries to think of sudden reasons to stay he inevitably doesn't try to push too hard and finally says he's ready to go. He doesn't want to do this without Crowley but he doesn't think Crowley is right, right then, so what would he be staying for? It hurts but he needs to show Crowley that he's serious about this.

And then when the second coming is brought up and he realizes (in my opinion) that he fucked up, Aziraphale looks at Crowley from across a crowded street with this clear conflict, and he still follows. Because his other option is asking Crowley for help.

And the thing is, I think if he had asked Crowley for help, in spite of everything, Crowley would have helped.

And Aziraphale knows this.

And I think Aziraphale knows two other things:

1) the danger that would put Crowley in, danger Crowley has always put himself into to help Aziraphale.

2) after the kiss, after the don't bother, Aziraphale is reevaluating point 1 and realizing how much he has taken Crowley's help for granted.

I think that Aziraphale looks at Crowley and wants so much to say, i was wrong, please fight heaven with me again, help me save this world and these people, but he how can he, after everything? How can he ask Crowley for anything anymore - even things he knows for a fact Crowley would give him - after what he's done?

He doesn't feel he deserves that anymore. He doesn't feel he deserves Crowley anymore.

(see the look on Aziraphale's face when he thinks he's fallen and the look on his face after Crowely kisses him and leaves. It's the same face of 'I have lost the thing most important to me; it is my fault and I cannot expect forgiveness.' He is resigned to this heartbreak.)

So I think next season we're going to see a lot of angst that comes after their tragic breakup, but also a lot of Aziraphale standing up to heaven on his own because he feels he has to. I think when he and Crowley do finally have a proper reunion, they'll still argue (especially if Crowley, in true Crowley fashion, has misread Aziraphale's silence as further confirmation of unrequited feelings), but I don't think it will really carry any real anger, you know, especially from Aziraphale's end.

[centerfordykeexcellence]

At any point of your life you need to get in touch with your intuition. You need to keep showing love to your feelings so you can tolerate paying attention to how you feel. How do you feel inside when you do different things? What are you dreaming about? What do you think you might need? What are some things you've taken for granted that you could live without, that aren't you? What are limitations you've taken for granted that could be possibilities in the future? How do you feel around your friends? Do you need to be alone? Conversely, are you prone to isolating yourself? How do you feel about the image of a "successful adult"? What is it to you? How is it serving you? Who does it serve?

Life is long. Beyond some irreversible choices like having a kid, joining scientology or marrying a sue happy dickhead who refuses to sign divorce papers, most of the choices you will make and the relationships you start will be temporary or transient because everyone tends to be in movement in their 20s. Knowing this - get ready to fail and see it as a necessary part of being alive and learning. Cultivate a practice of self compassion over shame so that you are more open to failing, being hurt or disappointed - and thus - more open to the world and your own inner truths. That's growth baybeee In terms of money... modern capitalism is a complete trap. They are happy to pay you a wage and give you hours you can't live on. An easy place to start is to try and keep your recurring monthly expenses low. It's gonna vary. Some people will feel much happier with a remote job, floating around in cheap housing in the outskirts of the planet, minimal attachments. Some people are gonna find their garden and cat and their barista job are their joy, that they need their roots. Whatever choices you make try to keep your life so that you meet new people in your daily schedule easily since you are probably still learning what is possible for yourself. Try not to isolate yourself. This is part of having a community and that can help with getting jobs, housing, finding passions, avoid holing up into a routine so that you get a daily opportunity, like you had in college, to be exposed to something new. A lovely thing after college is trying to remember what hobbies are and what you like to do that isn't about productivity too... you are human and everything. Also the beauty / social cache / expiration date fallacy is bullshit. You don't turn into a pumpkin at 30. Anyone who would want to take opportunities from you because you weren't early to mid 20s, ready to exploit your beauty for any power, they suck and don't have that good of opportunities imo. Life is long. Be nice to yourself. There's no point driving 400 mph into some race that isn't the direction you want your life to take so keep your eyes and ears open for how it feels to make moves - you can always, should always adjust course based on that inner truth!

does anyone know what you’re supposed to do after graduating college

[asinfinitum]

I had a dumb AU idea that stemmed from my depressed state and is actually really stupid and me just inflicting pain on my muses for no reason other than "my brain thought this was a good idea."

It's under the cut. CW for depression, self-punishment, denial of food/eating disorders, mental health issues and some OOC-ness.

So basically, Dai.suke and Dark get their own bodies because of a wish that they get granted. Emiko's delighted to have two sons and gives Dark the name "Daichi" (which, funnily enough, is Dai.suke's anime son's name) to keep his real identity a secret.

Dark gets his own room, decorates it well (dude would have an eye for interior design imo) and lives life like he always does. However, things get a little heated between him and Dai.suke because the latter is feeling a little pushed to the side now that Dark's actually real and not just sharing his body.

It ends up in a heated argument where Dai.suke, in an uncharacteristic display, yells that he wishes that they'd never asked for separate bodies. Dark is taken back by this, but just agrees to lower tensions between them. He's actually hurt by this, thinking that having separate bodies was all Dai.suke wanted.

Dark feels guilty, and he gets depressed. His appetite lessens and he only goes out in disguise if he really has to- otherwise he holes up in his room unless there's a heist.

On his way home from scoping out a target, he notices Ri.ku accidentally crossing the street while the light is red for crossing and books it towards her, shoving her out of the way just as a car's tires screech as the driver hits the brakes.

Dark is hit, and is in bad shape. All he wants to know is if Ri.ku is okay, and lets himself fall unconscious once he hears she's okay, just scraped up a little from the fall. He stops breathing, basically having to be put on life support once he's in the hospital because he's lost all his will to live.

He's in a coma for two weeks following and only rouses because he heard people talking to him. However, it was mostly muffled like he was underwater but it brought him back from just letting go of life completely.

Released later on and taken to rehab so he can learn how to walk again along with other skills, he keeps thinking back to what Dai.suke said and sometimes ends up toppling over onto the ground while doing his exercises... staring at nothing for a while until someone says they'll call Emiko to get her to help, which gets him back up and vehemently denying that he needs any help.

And he starts eating less- mostly onigiri from a nearby store and claiming he's full. In all honesty, Dark is punishing himself for a perceived fault and denying himself most human rights, and limiting his food intake to just two onigiri a day was one of them.

Once he's able to do things on his own once more, Dark starts going to the gym to retrain his body in the ways of the Phantom Thief. Working out and making sure that he's getting the most of each workout he does, but he starts getting more tired as time goes on due to the lack of proper nutrition.

Because, despite being inhuman, Dark still needs actual food to survive. It's noticed by the family, and they all encourage him to join them at dinner- even Dai.suke does (he's since apologized for what he said to Dark that day, too). He claims he's not hungry and that he's just going to shower and go to sleep.

When he does eat, finally giving in, it's only a few bites before guilt overwhelms him that he's enjoying the food and that he doesn't deserve to, he's stealing everything Dai.suke loves. So he runs, locks himself in his room and buries himself in his blankets.

And it takes him weeks to actually confess that he feels like he doesn't deserve anything good. That what he's doing is right- punishing himself is right because all he's doing is ruining Dai.suke's life.

It takes him going to therapy to work out these problems to put them behind him. He doesn't want to at first, but he reluctantly goes. Works out his issues slowly. He doesn't get over these issues. He learns how to deal with them in a healthier manner than he had been, giving him skills he never knew he needed.

There are still days he buries himself in his bed and doesn't leave, but those days are smaller than they used to be. The voices in his head are quieter, and he's learning how to deal with his issues day by day.

He may never fully be okay, but he learns how to be human.

[ailtrahq]

Billy Markus, who created the original meme cryptocurrency Dogecoin together with Jackson Palmer in 2013, has taken to X app (formerly known as Twitter) to share his joy about getting another paycheck from the platform as it shared advertising revenues with content creators.However, Markus admitted that this time his check from X app was smaller than what he received prior to that just recently. Billy Markus is known on X as "Shibetoshi Nakamoto," and his army of followers counts more than 2.1 million people.my 𝕏 paycheck is about 1/3rd of what it was compared to the previous two weeks, and i want to say……that it’s all magic bonus money to me that i greatly appreciate and it’s absolutely crazy and amazing that i get paid anything at all to shitpost on this app— Shibetoshi Nakamoto (@BillyM2k) September 1, 2023 DOGE creator's paycheck on X gets smallerThis time, Markus admitted, the sum he earned was approximately 1/3 of what he was paid during the previous 14 days. Still, he wrote that he feels grateful for the opportunity to earn money for doing what he loves — just posting on X app. He considers these earnings made on his content "magic bonus money" that he greatly appreciates. "It's absolutely crazy and amazing that I get paid anything at all to post on this app," he added.Markus believes that the reason for his paycheck shrinking is because the number of people who are getting paid is becoming smaller and his account reaches fewer people now, despite his pool of followers constituting 2.1 million.Still, he believes "it's all just a gift."why it’s less? i think the pool of people getting payouts is bigger, and my account reach is shrinking with some algo changes and/or less people using the app, but i don’t take any of this for granted and it’s all just a gift imo— Shibetoshi Nakamoto (@BillyM2k) September 1, 2023 In the middle of July, as reported by U.Today, Markus was named the second-biggest earner on X as he received $37,050 in the first block of payments made to creators by the company.About a week ago, Markus shared that in the early days of this app, when it was still called Twitter, was about microblogging and was run by Jack Dorsey, he used this platform for the creation of Dogecoin, which he described as Bitcoin in a dog skin.Elon Musk rolls out updates to help creators on X appRecently, owner of X app, tech tycoon and innovator Elon Musk introduced several innovative features on the platform to make it more attractive for content makers. In particular, he has added longreads, live videos and is now testing audio and video calls. The latter would add more utility to the app not only for content writers but also for all users. Musk also mentioned that in the future, he also plans to add sections for dating and job hunting on this social media, to turn X into "the everything app."He also added monetization to the app, so that creators had a share in the advertising revenues. Aside from that, they can earn using the "Subscription" feature. Source

[daz4i]

oh wait i did promise a full dazai and nikolai comparison post didn’t i. time to deliver. no keep reading button, we’re clogging everyone’s dashboards like men. enjoy

clowning

so. i doubt i need to elaborate much on nikolai’s clowning - it’s very plainly put in the text, he along with other characters constantly call him a clown, and he obviously takes on a clown persona.

nikolai’s method of clowning is to take it to the extreme - everything he says sounds like a joke or pure nonsense, making you doubt everything that comes out of his mouth immediately, even when he’s saying the truth.

dazai’s is only slightly more subtle. i’m basing this on no longer human, given that so much of his character is based on yozo. dazai puts on a mask of a carefree, funny, lazy guy, especially to the agency, just like yozo does

his method of clowning is to seem genuine. pepper in just enough truth to make others believe him. seem reliable enough to make others trust him. but never showing his full self, so you should doubt everything he says

ultimately, the same outcome, done with different methods

so, we all agree they both do it. now, let’s analyze why. dazai’s is more obvious imo, so let’s start with him. 

with the agency specifically, it makes sense, gotta appear nonthreatening n all, seem like a normal guy with absolutely no past in the mafia (at least at first). i’d also say it can be used to make his enemies underestimate him - no one expects the goofy silly guy to pull a knife on them, after all, and you definitely don’t expect him to be a mastermind.

on a deeper level, if we go back to the yozo train of thought, it’s also to protect himself. no one can leave you, hurt the deeper parts of your soul, attack you personally if they can’t figure out who you are. no one can get close enough to matter to you then get taken away, the way oda was.

nikolai’s reasoning is less grounded in canon or external works (that i know of), so feel free to disagree with that part (with any part of this post tbh.) but in my interpretation, he does it for multiple reasons:

same as dazai, not letting anyone close enough to get him to care. nikolai sees bonds as something chaining him down - he cares about fyodor and sees him as a friend, and that’s why he wants to kill him. if you see him, he will care about you, and he can’t have that. better to have the self inflicted cage of a mask than have the key in someone else’s hands, if you wanna be poetic about it.

chaos! a lot of what nikolai does is to subvert expectations, be illogical, to prove the existence of his free will. nothing more chaotic than a clown

to contrast dazai, rather than make his enemies underestimate him, nikolai’s intention is to make his teammates underestimate him. he’s trying to throw their suspicions off him - oh, he defied the plan fyodor set up? well, can’t blame him, he always does silly shit like that. look how crazy that guy is, obviously he can’t follow orders - so he can freely do what he wants and only have them catch up way later.

already, we see a lot of similarities, as well as opposites-within-the-same-action. let’s continue

death

tldr: both are supposedly willing to die, yet still avoid death.

dazai sure managed to survive a lot of suicide attempts, huh! weird how all of his on screen attempts - especially since oda’s death - have been using methods that are easily to survive, like drowning. that’s so strange guys i wonder why’s that (psst i wrote a whole post just about that already)

and nikolai sure did give a dramatic speech about how dying will set him free, very convincing! weird that he faked his death, then. hmmm.

granted, nikolai’s speech might’ve been The Page’s work, but tbf it does align with his views on this topic so i’d like to believe there was some truth there, just like there’s some truth in dazai’s suicide attempts - yes, they want to die, but... there’s more to be done first.

both of them seem to hold a high value in the act of dying, and both see it as being set free. both feel trapped in their own life - nikolai outright says so, that he feels caged inside his own head, and if you dig into dazai’s character song you see him describe life as a “never-ending today”. both see death as salvation from their situation, but won’t get down to achieving it.

this is actually a good place to transition to our next topic,

meaning

since i mentioned dazai’s character song, one thing he seems to focus on there is looking for meaning, or rather being frustrated that he hasn’t found one yet (he also brings up this internal conflict in the dark era, but the song solidifies it as relevant even in his current state). dazai tries so hard to find meaning, but can’t.

nikolai’s fixation on free will, i’d argue, is not quite a search for meaning, but rather a struggle to prove there is no greater meaning in life, in order to ease his own guilt. none of his murders matter at the end of the day... right? then why does he still feel this way?

ironically, both can find meaning in their bonds - dazai has many at this point, with oda being the main one he might’ve found meaning in before, and nikolai has fyodor - but this is scary. they’re not used to having meaning, to caring. and so we circle back to the clowning, to pushing people away, to wanting to kill fyodor, to the comfort and familiarity of no meaning. 

guilt

like onions and ogres, clowns have layers. bear with me here.

on the surface, you’d expect them both to feel guilt for their horrendous acts. peel a layer, and it seems neither of them particularly does, otherwise they would stop doing it, you’d assume. peel back another layer, and... honestly, i think they do, but are just repressing it.

this is smth i get less from the text and more from their real life counterparts, tbh. going back to the yozo comparisons, he does outright say “i’ve lived a life filled with guilt” which. is very fair to expect to hear from our dazai. meanwhile the real life gogol straight up died because of his guilt. i don’t think asagiri would overlook stuff like that when turning them into characters.

nikolai also does outright tell atsushi he feels guilty for the atrocities he committed - though, pretends he didn’t mean it immediately after, putting back one of those layers we tried to peel.

going back to dazai’s song, it’s the “the tainted past, too, begone!” line that i feel is nodding to it. dazai obviously knows the things he’s done while in the mafia are wrong, seems like he knew while being in the mafia as well given his conversations with oda during the dark era. but this really does make it seem like he regrets it, imo.

they’re both repressing their guilt for the same reason they won’t die. there’s more important shit going on. dazai outright tells atsushi that wallowing in guilt is pointless, and we see him move forward and execute plans even if he’s still feeling guilty throughout, and even when he needs to do some dirty work to make them happen. nikolai is the same in that regard - he’s just hyperfocused on this goal of proving his free will, and guilt is another thing that’s keeping him caged, so he must break free from it. wallowing in it will simply be counterproductive.

sorry i gotta talk abt fyodor now

but it’s gonna be short i promise

so we’ve got this all knowing, unbeatable, super smart guy, right? anyway what if the only people we see outsmart him were 2 suicidal clowns. wouldn’t that be funny

so, it’s a bit tricky to call it “outsmarting” with dazai considering how their whole Thing is give and take that’s not going to end any time soon, but fyodor obviously views him as someone on his level so i’m counting that. he wouldn’t put this much effort into someone he didn’t think was less smart than him. and, he calls him a worthy chess opponent for a reason

nikolai did outsmart him, though. nikolai was supposed to die. nikolai wasn’t meant to survive the plan, let alone come to meursault and put fyodor in a death game when he could’ve escaped using the vampiric guard he planted in the prison instead. nikolai is throwing an unpredictable wrench in the plan of the guy who knows how everything is gonna turn out because humans are so predictable.

clearly they both affect him a lot, more than we see others have. both of them are the only ones so far we’ve seen get on the same level as fyodor

and, both of them are seen by fyodor. nikolai explicitly says fyodor is the only person who sees him, and dazai is seen because they are the same, on a certain level. fyodor understands them, which is why it’s even more impressive that they can outsmart him, imo

in conclusion

asagiri i am on my knees begging. make them interact properly please please please

fr tho, i’m curious if this means something. because this is a huge amount of similarities, especially when they’re not really related in any way and barely ever talked. does it mean anything?? how about nikolai being able to use his ability on dazai, does that mean anything????? asagiri please give me some answers i am asking so nicely

anyway. thank you for reading! lmk if i missed anything, or reblog with your own additions and analysis. if you disagree with anything i said, feel free to express that as well, just be respectful. hope i managed to infect you with my brainrot as well. have a great day :3!

[destinyc1020]

A lot of times the undertones of the stuff you guys say comes off like you think Tom isn’t as physically attractive as you want us to believe that you think he is…. like for y’all, Z is gorgeous so he just HAD TO BE attracted to her instantly for sure. but for Z it might’ve taken a little longer cause he’s not that good looking and his personality and charm is what helps him.

But then in the same breath when non fans are mean to him, y’all are up in arms and defensive about it.

🥴🥴

Anon WHAT??? 🥴

Obviously you haven't been actively following my blog, because if you have, you would see that I thirst over Tom ALL the time. Who do you think (fantasy) Husband #1 is lol? 🤣 😂

Our reasons for thinking that Z was not INSTANTLY attracted to Tom have nothing to do with his looks (I think he's good-looking btw), but more to do with what they themselves have personally said over the years and making guesses from that. Tom said that meeting her was "awkward" at first, and how he was kind of nervous, and she said that mtg him for the first time wasn't nerve-wracking for her and she didn't understand why it was awkward for him. She didn't feel their first meeting together was as awkward as he's making it out to be... When you're not instantly attracted to someone, you're NOT nervous lol.

Plus, that's just how most women are anyway. Most men are the ones who feel that INSTANT attraction for a woman (what do you think drives men to talk to you or befriend you in the first place lol? 😂), while we as women take a little time to "warm up" to them, or we fall in love with their personality first more before feeling that huge attraction.

That's just the typical nature of male/female rlshps.

Granted, I don't think it took long at all for Z to be attracted to Tom, coz to me it seemed like they were crushing on each other already at ComicCon lol. 😂

But idk what makes you think we think Tom is "ugly". He's not! He may not be what most ppl consider "conventionally handsome", but he's def not ugly. Remember, I've seen this man in person, and he is definitively not ugly. In fact, I'd say that pictures actually don't do him justice because in person he's really cute. 🥰

And obviously Z finds him hot. Like hello? 🥴 That's all that matters anyway! It doesn't matter what WE think about him lol. 😂 All that matters is what SHE thinks about him and his looks. Plus, even if Tom were ugly, I'd STILL be happy for Z and be excited that they are together because he treats her so nicely! 🥰❤ And Tom's personality and charm ARE FIRE....like why should we deny that??

Looks are NOT everything Anon. And anyone who bases a serious rlshp on looks is just silly.

Besides, most of the time, the woman IS the better looking one in the relationship. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Just saying. And even then...what's wrong with saying Zendaya is gorgeous? SHE IS!!! Why does that bother you so much? It kind of reeks of slight misogyny imo if us saying that Z is "gorgeous" gets you all upset. 🥴

Idk why you're getting your panties all up in a bunch Anon lol. I swear.... some of you fans are soooo sensitive for no good reason at all.

How many times have I said here in my blog that I love BOTH Tom and Zendaya? How many times do I have to say that? 😅