#and forgetting to add a readmore :P

[stoneclaw]

if u saw this then unsaw it its bc i forgot the fucking readmore

man im too tired to keep the fc going these days.

lot of dif messes over the years ranging from normal conflicts to [people sign up for events then just dont. turn up en masse]

demoralizing

i wasnt ever really cut out to fc lead but i didn my best since twiz n calak trusted me to take over when they left -v-; this isnt an im giving up just an Im Tired. i will wait till therapys squared away before i decide to keep it up or throw in. cause last time i walked around like a dead man after we talked about disbandment i am not good at letting go of things that mattered to me.

im just like. socially tired? i don't have it in me to be everybodys bestie like u gotta as fc lead to k eep ppl feeling involved. i dont like recruiting, trying to form a bunch of bonds and 3/4 of them stop logging in or communicating and the other 1/4 never gets the chance to really integrate bc the rest of us are so scattered and busy with life or are actively avoidant of new ppl

im nervous around new ppl too and i hate the pressure of responsibility that leading has. and ive always been a bit reclusive and slow to open up so the TYPE of interaction required for me to do this successfully is just. not natural fo rlong periods of time for me. i thrive on a small number of consistent and close-knit people who stick around, which we have had off and on but like. life, timezones, personality clashes. yknow. we have a nice network of friends /around/ the fc but not in or together often enough. i am spread so thin. and i'm burnt out on gameplay all i really wanna do is rp when i have the brain for it and some good food to go on

and when ppl who have been there a Long time leave for one reason or another im like why are we still doing this. if i let go everyone could move on to something more suitable. i'm the one who can't let go. i'm the one who let everyone down.

but still. i'll make sure we have hob3 for the new patch and wait till i have support to make any major decisions, whether thats picking back up again or moving on. i just needed to. offload. i am so tired. blugh

[alivegirlmari]

sorry i keep bothering u BUT i have another question😭 i was wondering if you’d seen this interview of melanie (https://youtu.be/xhHDMOEnuB4 the first minute and a half) and what you think of that because i’m pretty sure shauna does NOT care but to me jeff very much went from a sympathetic guy who loves his wife to a sinister little man😭 i get making bad decisions when you’re young but man😭

you are NOT bothering me omggg you could neverrr. me when i wake up to an anticurses ask and get to chew on it at work for the next two days: ❣️ 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖 💘 💝

i've seen a few people analyze that specific interview and tbh i don't think i have anything groundbreaking to add but i wanna just ramble about shauna anyways asdjnjsdk so! putting this under a readmore bc it'll probs be long-ish and incoherent <3

ok so. shauna's relationship to motherhood has always fascinated me. when i first watched yj it was all in one night, in a haze, during a not-good-mentally period in my life. so it took me an embarrassing amount of episodes to go from 'oh she hates callie bc callie's wilderness baby and thus a reminder of everything that entails, both jackie-related and trauma-related' to 'OH callie can't be wilderness baby, timeline wise, which adds an even more insane level to shauna returning to jeff post-crash'. bc the decision to date him let alone marry him has always been sooo interesting to me!! like yeah we all knew why but like, how did it happen? how long after the crash? did he call her up once she got out of hospital? did she go back to school? was it another drunk grief hookup thing again, but one that spiraled into more? did they discuss jackie at all? iirc, when he reveals he's read the diaries, he implies they never talked about the 19 months which is why he read them. but did they ever discuss jackie, separate to what happened in the woods? or was she the eternal elephant in the room? i mean, yes it's canon that shauna marries him out of guilt and shame and obligation, but the CALLIE of it all is the wildest part to me. bc she's pregnant with his baby, and then jackie dies and the baby dies, and then she goes back and has anotherrr baby with him, in spite of everything!!!!

so melanie p much saying 'she can't keep justifying her decision to not have kids with him, so they have one'. is like. well she's right!!! i can 1000% see jeff pushing to have kids and shauna, unaware that he knows about wilderness baby and not wanting to tell him, agreeing to it bc a) she'd rather die than talk about it honestly, b) the guilt of it all, and c) well that's what normal suburban heterosexual couples do isn't it?? get married and have kids!! and to me jeff has always been that guy, which he even admits in canon! he was always gonna be the high-school boyfriend to jackie, but that's his life role, too: he stays in his home-town, he owns a business in his home-town, his only friend is his teen bestie, etc. he's the suburban straight guy who doesn't properly wash his underwear, whose wife cooks every meal (that he still complains about), who thinks flavored lube is too kinky and weird and gay for him.

and it annoys me that the show doesn't even lean into the horror of that, let alone like...the genuinely terrribleeee things he does. like if you're not gonna frame it as devastating, tragic, claustrophobic, and miserable that shauna marries jackie's very Normie boyfriend and has another baby with him, that her whole life has become a jackie altar and not what she herself wants, then at least frame it as awful that he blackmailed her and her friends using their trauma??? HELLO???and i hate that the adam thing kinda like. made them ~even~, narratively, or at least made people forget about jeff.

and if you're NOT going to make it a heterosexual horror story, AT LEAST make him the wifeguy people insist he is online!! what REAL self-respecting wifeguy would turn down strawberry lube or panic when their wife grabs the gun from the guy holding them at gunpoint!!! and i mean, his reactions (to the gun thing at least) are valid and normal, ofc he'd freak out, majority of us would too. but this IS a tv show, he's not real, and you can't have him be the freaked out, 'you're out of control' husband and the 'my wife can do no wrong' husband ykwim. (me & rose talked about that angle specifically here)

but also YES it's legitimately evil for jeff to not tell shauna he knows about wilderness baby and for him to just then. keep bringing up having another one. the most generous reading i can give him is that he also, of course, feels guilty about jackie, and his desire for marriage and children with shauna is driven by that, but again: he knew he was only ever the high-school boyfriend, so. and what melanie said in that interview IS right but it's not being said/implied/explored in canon, and i worry that if it was then again, it wouldn't be shown as the horror it is, so i'm almost glad?? bc i'm not sure the general audience would see through that and view it as evil either.

anyways, jeff n shauna to me is like. does she love him? probably, in some way, on some level. i think she enjoys his company sometimes, i'm sure they have happy memories together etc. but he will always be a reminder of #everything. and so will callie! and i think that's just a more interesting dynamic to explore!!! (though tbh. loveee the goat stuff, but shauna just kinda. saying everything so explictly to lottie did feel like a telling not showing, exposition moment. as did the fact that it was a KID like sometimes this show is so subtle and other times it's incredibly not ajdksjask.)

um anyways it's 4am. i need to go to sleep. i am probably forgetting something bc i have So many thoughts about shauna + motherhood ESPECIALLY in the teen timeline which i didn't even touch lol, and how it connects to adult timeline but i do wanna give the writers temporary benefit of doubt just bc we've still got 2 eps left. so who knows what'll happen. me personally i'm hoping jeff dies and/or goes to jail and we explore the complex web of feelings that shauna and callie have towards each other, and they change their names back to shipman. i think it's rly funny and sad and tragic that callie doesn't care that her mom's a killer (well, she does), she's just so happy her mother's being honest with her. </33 also just love women who aren't naturally maternal and aren't good mothers but they're not villainized for it, and it's also not a one-dimensional portrayal either.

(final note that i LOVE is that in the original pilot script, shauna has another kid!!! callie has an older sister!!! soo curious whether she was meant to be a surviving wilderness baby or if they had another kid post-crash...jeff im in ur walls regardless)

[willow-lark]

Dude ong i just read your birthdaygate ficlet and i just—AJSJDKFNCKDLDLEKEFKFV

If you would be willing to share whatever outline you have in your head, you would, like, have my undying loyalty. Bc OMG. I—I freakin’ LOVE what you have written so far j can’t. And not being anle to write the whole long fic is such a mood—there are. So many outlines for fics in my google docs. That i simply cannot write.

So like. I love and adore outlines/concepts/plans for fics-that-could’ve-been, they are my JAM, and i would love to read yours.

Thank you for sharing this ficlet with us!

omg i am HONORED that ppl are interested in my fic idea?? you're all so kind omg y'all this means so much to me i am hugging all of you so hard rn. 🥺💖🫂 also i'm gonna put some of this under a readmore cause it's kind of long. also i put this at the end of my ficlet but idk how much of this i will actually write so everybody has my blanket permission to add onto/do anything w this that they want :))

ok! so! in my head birthdaygate goes something like this:

of course, everyone forgets will's birthday in 1986. will says nothing. this continues when the cali and russia gangs get to hawkins. will is just kind of there. he helps out at the crisis center at hawkins high, visits el at the cabin, but every time he walks into a room people's eyes glaze over him kind of like he's not there. though both he and jonathan are staying at the wheelers, mrs w starts forgetting a place for him. jonathan forgets to get will up and leaves without him in the mornings. mike doesn't speak to him. and, constantly, there's a voice in will's head (vecna) telling him Come home. They don't want you.

and... will listens. he intends to go to the upside-down and fight vecna on his own, while going through an unhealthy amount of self-deprecation and self-hatred (à la my recent series). into the upside down he goes, but it's a futile hunt, and he ends up trapped there, tormented and hunted at every turn.

meanwhile, everyone else's minds just kind of fuzz over when it comes to will. when it comes to things that involve him in their memories, he's either erased or the memory is rewritten with some other explanation. for example: why the party was out in the woods when they met el. why jonathan was taking pictures of the steve's backyard. the entirety of s2. why the UD is stuck on nov 6, 1983. you get the gist. the others spend the next two and a half years struggling against vecna, and meanwhile will languishes in the upside-down.

that is, until stoncy embark on some sort of reconnaissance mission (this is where my ficlet comes in) and run into him in the upside down. on will's end, it becomes apparent very quickly they have no idea who he is, and on their end they r adamantly NOT going to leave someone in the UD to die. so, they take him out with them and call a meeting at the cabin.

of course, mike does not trust this kid (what if he's a spy??) very much like lucas with el in s1. lucas somewhat agrees with him, but acknowledges that it turned out well when he gave el a chance, so he's ready to do that here, and besides he'll do anything to help get max out of her coma. the others have more of lucas's mindset. plus, will can give them intel about the UD that they don't have.

meanwhile will is struggling. there's the angst-fest of him being surrounded by all the people he loves and none of them know and they're all kind of wary of him and he can't say anything, plus he's trying not to give away to anyone that he actually knows things about them and about all the upside-down ish that's happened in previous years. this does make him act kind of sus at times.

mike is determined to not trust him, but will literally gives him déjà vu every other second. at one point they r in mike's room for some reason and he has The Painting up on the wall and will does a double-take and mike's like. isn't it awesome??? my (ex)girlfriend had it commissioned for me but i still keep it up bc it's of all my friends plus i think the person that painted it is THE best artist in the world. will is like. oh. who painted it. and mike's brain like. flatlines and he changes the subject (You're the heart, a voice whispers to him, one that he can't quite place).

there are also similar scenes with the byers fam and the rest of the party. there's this one scene in s1e1 the morning after will goes missing where joyce comes out and like. says hi to jonathan who's cooking breakfast and then goes to ruffle will's hair but he's not there and the same thing happens but will IS there this time and joyce's brain short-circuits a little bit

and there's one scene where they give will a walkman to guard against being vecnaed and ask what his favorite song is and he's like "should i stay or should i go" bc DUH and jonathan's like "excellent taste" and will just says "thanks, i got it from my older brother."  all aboard the angst train choo fuckin choo!!

anyways thanks to will's intel the whole squad suits up to head into the upside down. will maps it out for them (vecna's got a vine hub thing in the UD similar to s2 which is his new base of operations since he moved out of creel house). and thus we have my sword mike + bow and arrows lucas + nail bat dustin + gun will agenda. el is off with hop and nancy and whoever heading in to fight vecna or whatever. so now we have the core four og party in their little pod to complete their mission. they r armed with the weapons above but also like. molotov cocktails n lighters n shit too. but they r surrounded by a shit ton of demodogs about to eat them and d'art isn't here this time for dustin to take advantage of his bond with. OHHH SHITTT what r they gonna do???? dustin wants to hunker down and stay on the defense (Cast protection!). lucas wants to light them up (Fireball him!) and mike (still slightly distrusting, waiting for will to prove himself), demands that (since will's the one who spent two and a half years here) he lead the party in what to do (Will, your action!). and will decides that they need to fireball these mother fuckers. this time, it's like they each rolled a nat 20 and the demodogs are decimated.

now the party moves on to provide backup for the el v. vecna showdown. vecna hones in on will. Come home again, William? I knew you would. but el and will have this absolutely epic banging team-up and take him DOWN. vecna dies. el, exhausted, staggers back. will goes unconscious and falls to the ground. all of the memories that vecna was hoarding about will are released now that he's dead, and everyone remembers. (max jolts awake in the hospital.) 

i have this very distinct image of the party getting their memories back. they're standing there injured and exhausted and then it dawns on them and in TOTAL UNISON they're like. WILL.

later, will wakes up in the hospital to his mom petting his hair and his brother crying and the party runs in and it's very s1 reunion except they're all crying way more and apologizing and (only a tiny bit) mad at will for not saying anything. also idk the specific logistics but byler goes endgame ofc. and there we have a VERY happy ending!!! yay!!! 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Into The Fog (Part 22)

Apologies for any formatting g trouble and typos im on mobile atm. I'll add the readmore under the cut when I get to desktop.

Clack, clack, clack…

The chains rattle when she moves, like a breath through the grates. 

She has been there for hours now and the sun is beginning to beat down on her. Another hour or two later and her cheeks are pink. She can’t move her hands to shield her face and she is beginning to think that they have forgotten her. That they are going to leave her to die, festering in her own filth with a growling stomach and parched lips.

And then she hears the footsteps.

Her heart races.

What will they do with her now?

She can’t even remember what she has done, just that she has done something and now she is here, chained to the floor and bleeding. Bruised. Broken. 

She tries not to slump but her bones feel so heavy, heavier than her spirit even.

“Azula.”

“Father?”  She whimpers. “Father, don’t let them hurt me.” 

Ozai stoops down and takes her by the chin. “I already have.” He says it so lovingly that he might as well be telling her that he has gotten her a new outfit to wear for her first day as Fire Lord. 

But she, by dream logic alone, knows that she is not the Fire Lord. 

She isn’t the princess anymore either.

She isn’t even a human being.

She isn’t anything at all.

And no she has no wrists to be tethered by. 

She has no spine to be sore.

No chin for her father to cup nor a face for him to tilt.

She doesn’t have a mouth to cry out for help that won’t come.

She is fading.

Fading.

Fading.

And soon she is nothing and there is no one. There is only dread and a sense of loss. And a voice that laughs as her and tells her that it’s a relief that he won’t have to worry about her. “One down, three to go…” It chuckles.

.oOo.

Azula brings a hand to her head to find it clammy and warm. Her stomach drops and her face pales, she is bleeding! She opens a small fire in her palm and touches herforhead again with the other. She releases her breath when she finds that her fingers are not tainted with red–she isn’t bleeding it is only sweat. 

She falls back against the pillow with a shaky sigh. She hasn’t had a dream like that since watching Zuzu get burned. 

She bunches herself up and tries to will herself back to sleep.

She knows very well that she won’t get any.

Not on nights like these, on memory nights. Nights when they try so hard to come back to her but can never seem to manage. 

Kind or vicious, they don’t let her sleep. Naturally it is hard to sleep when the dream memories are terrifying. But she gets no more rest when it is the good memories trying to come back–she spends most of those nights trying to force them to the forefront only to find them receding further. 

Azula rubs her hands over her face and climbs out of bed. 

She isn’t entirely awake yet, most of what she does during these hours is fuzzy in the morning; she’ll only vaguely recall wandering into Sokka’s room and forcefully shaking him awake with a demand that he keep her company.

In the morning she can’t remember why she had sought out Sokka instead of Mai or TyLee.

In the morning mother looks quite hurt that she had once again not come to her for reassurance.

“You’re trying to remember.” Sokka therorizes. “I think that part of you does.” 

“Then why can’t that part of me be more prominent?” She asks.

.oOo.

Iroh makes her tea.

She is so thoroughly tired that she forgets to remind him that she doesn’t like honey in her tea. So thoroughly tired that she drinks it anyways and doesn’t even notice. 

As much as she hates to admit it, Iroh is her favorite part of the day, especially when he frowns at her and scolds her for a particularly unkind comment. 

That is normal.

She is used to that.

There is a part of her that wants him to keep on hating her because at least that isn’t as jarring as mother trying to hug her every morning.

Today Iroh doesn’t scold her for being snappy though and maybe that is because she is snapping at everyone and everything including Chomp and her parchment when the ink blots.

“Sit down, niece.” He gestures to a spot at his pai sho table. 

“I’m too tired for strategy games, Uncle.” 

The man shrugs. “You don’t always have to play games to win them. You can just enjoy the conversations had at a game table.”

“In the right company maybe.” She replies. But that isn’t true, if she isn’t winning, she is not satisfied with the game.

Iroh sighs, "I was hope that we could find each other to be good company one day." 

Azula shrugs. "Perhaps I don't." Perhaps she like to cling to that one last thing that feels normal.

Iroh nods. "Thats understandable, we certainly have history."

Azula shrugs again. "Father gave me a task, I completed it. Its really quite simple."

"It isn't simple." He insists. "Your father and I had a rivalry and it got passed through generations." Iroh dips his teabag into the water and watches a a light fog haze the water, billowing steadily outward. "My resentment for my brother clouded my judgment. I like to think of myself as an open minded man but when it came to you and my brother…" He shakes his head. "I thought that you had the same outlook and attitude as he…"

Azula masks a yawn and picks up a paisho tile.

"But I've had time to think and I believe that I have more in common with you than…"

So he's really going to sit here and insult her like that. "Uncle if you'd like to apologize then do it."  

"I won't be the only one apologizing."

"Then there will be no apologies and I didn't want one anyhow." She gets to her feet and dusts her knees off. 

Iroh shakes his head. "This is where you and your father are the same; you have too much pride."

"Pride isn't the problem, uncle. The problem is you. You hated me when I was just a child; you didn't give me a chance."

"So you want me to apologize first?"

Right now she doesn't want to hear it. "By the way, I would rather be like father than you. You're a weak coward."

"And you have no compassion, niece." His expression darkens. "Even as a child…my brother took that from you."

And that's it, that's just what she had needed to justify her resentment and keep it going.

By all means she could make this easy. She could admit that maybe she had crossed several lines with Zuko, that perhaps it wasn't great to blast uncle with fire, she could confess to a lot of wrong doing on her end. And then uncle could say his piece about how he could have done more to help her if he thought that Ozai was such a dreadful influence and how he shouldn't have treated her as though she and Ozai are one and the same.

She could admit that she is just scared of losing the last thing that makes sense.

But she needs this. 

She needs this final shard of resentment.

She needs this final fragment of familiarity.

She needs the hatred because it makes sense.

[sp-ud]

Results of the Ranboo's other half survey!

[Finally! I kept forgetting about this! Whoops! But it's here now! Yay!]

What do you think is most likely Ranboo's CANONICAL other half?

20% - An Enderman who is just half-white for some reason

17.3% - Dreamon

19.1% - Ghast

0.9% - Axolotl

0.9% - Iron Golem

0.9% - Snow Golem

What theory for Ranboo's other half do you LIKE the most but think is UNLIKELY to be canon?

22% - Dreamon

14.7% - Axolotl

10.1% - Ghast

1.8% - Demon

0.9% - Shulker

What do you think is the FUNNIEST Ranboo's other half theory?

16.5% - An Enderman who is just half-white for some reason

13.8% - Golf Ball

12.8% - Slenderman

0.9% - Rabbit

0.9% - Llama

0.9% - Wolf

Beneath the Readmore is some of the "Other" Answers along with some of the responses to my last question about "Anything else to add?"

What do you think is most likely Ranboo's CANONICAL other half?

"None of the above, something created just for the story"

"ranboo hasn't got a solid idea himself, and its just one of those things that always stays vaguely ambiguous with pieces of evidence pointing to different directions and theories."

"we will never find out cause ranboo decided it’s funnier that way"

"Fucked up Experiment caused him to be *like that*"

What theory for Ranboo's other half do you LIKE the most but think is UNLIKELY to be canon?

"he's just. Other. LITERALLY other. he's some weird red eyed white cryptid"

"Robot"

"I like dragon the most, and I also think it’s likely, so I have nothing to put here :p"

"Uncooked marshmallow"

What do you think is the FUNNIEST Ranboo's other half theory?

"This is Berry Ranboo truther erasure"

"clown. he’s just bad at clown make up and gave up halfway through"

"He accidentally feel in bleach but is too embarrassed to tell anyone because he wants to seem cool"

"you know how if you name a rabbit toast it'll change appearance, and its ai also changes if you name it killer bunny or something along those lines? someone nametagged an enderman as ranboo"

"A white guy. Just a stupidity white guy. So white. Extremally white"

Anything else? [Theres a lot of these]

"SUBSCRIBE TO TECHNOBLADE"

"I like to set my marshmallows on fire when roasting them. I like them charred and crunchy."

"in reality, i got no fuckin clue bro. who knows. maybe hes a catboy, maybe hes just half white guy. maybe hes just an enderman, just looks a lil fucked up. probably gonna tie into the dream shit tho. maybe."

"ÙwÚ"

"Half axolotl ranboo is the best thing to ever happen to society"

"Your bones are delicious"

"i feel like it doesnt make sense for any other mob to be his other half cos like- we see how cc!ranboo puts all this deliberate enderman influence into his character, but hes not doing that with any other mob so like. yeah i think hes just a Very main character type enderman"

"Subscribe to Technoblade"

"but w. where do the horns in the fanart come from"

"you are a funky little tumblr user! thanks for the quiz I’m now reviewing my life choices"

"llama is funnier in the context of the Clarencio death"

"No but like. Hear me out on this. So Ranboo has memory issues, right? So like, what if half of his brain was removed because he died but was brought back by Dream and Dream modified him so he had his Robot side and he also programmed all of Ranboo's old memories and the "lessons" into Ranboo's new computer brain and he just like has a sleeper agent-style switch? I'm never gonna write fic with this as an explanation I just think it's a cool theory."

"i am incredibly homosexual. gay even. i like female"

"I am very tired because I stayed up till 3 am looking for the dumb vod where tubbo and ranboo got married. It took me so long but I have it now and can be happy. I’ve been on an old lore hunt for a while but I forgot that so many people don’t keep records. I am now looking for all of the Manburg Fundy vods. It was one of my favorites storylines."

"It's penis Friday"

"Drink some water bitch"

"U are pogchamp and the world loves you"

"i doubt the fucker will ever tell us"

"He's just a slinky boy"

"i have over a thousand words written in my attempt to figure out why twitter culture is the way it is. send help"

"i legit forgot he was only half enderman for months."

[goodieghosty]

Please do add "Readmore"s on your writing!

You just do this;

:readmore:

On mobile. On desktop, click the elipsis.

Ahh my bad, I've been forgetting to do those on submissions n such r i p

[knifehecker]

hello here is my tutorial on how i paint hair . under a readmore because im too lazy to figure out how to format this in a way thats nice to look at

a lot of the way i paint hair is rooted in my specific workflow/style so hopefully this will be at least a little useful for others! find out how the hell i get from THIS

to THIS

woaaahhh wow. i’m doing kris because auburn hair is really fun to color and also i love them. just a note but with this specific method neatness isn’t terribly important and some messiness can actually make things more interesting further in so just slap those flats underneath your “lines” and let’s fucking gooooooooo

i do p much all my shading and lighting in overlay because 9/10 it looks cleaner than multiply/luminosity. first step is to block in those shadows babey. this is where you have your first opportunity to express form and really sell your hair existing in a “3D” space. (i’ll be showing everything at full opacity initially so you can see where exactly i’m putting what i’m talking about, but assume i am lowering opacity to taste)

sometimes i like to make a second pass of shadows with either cyan or true blue, depending on the intensity of shadows i’m going for. in this case true blue came out too dark so i used cyan. as a note, right here i’m less looking to define values in the hair, and am more just tinting the shadows to a contrasting color (in this case, blue!) 

and now for light! at this stage, it’s important to keep in mind that you’re not trying to put in a lot of detail; that’ll come in a few more steps. just slap your light hue in a way that will still be readable to you as you continue working. don’t forget that light will bounce and define edges where you might not necessarily expect! (i’m looking at you, far left corner)

my coloring process can usually be seperated into at least two overlay folders; the first is for initial color tweaking but is Most Importantly for introducing some sexy new values to your work . the second overlay folder is usually where i delve more into bringing out interesting colors. i really want to draw more attention to the blue shadows, so i’ll put some more cyan down on a few focus points

yknow that cool hair shine thing that cool artists put on their cool art of their cool characters? here’s how i do that. just slam down a circle of highlight color (here i use magenta, because it’ll still bring up the value and warmth while not drowning out or muddying the orange highlights in the other overlay folder).

and then you’re gonna use your eraser to feather out the edges and get that nice wave affect. i do this by just clicking down with my tablet pen without moving it

and now it’s time to move on to the actual painting. are you ready? take my hand. you’re merging the layers now. we’re doing this together. i believe in you

now that we’re here, i’ve picked the colors in their hair so you can see we’ve got a REALLY nice palette to work with. i don’t really do this because i’m a terrible creacher and i’ve gotten used to working messy like this, but pulling a palette can be a quick way to make sure you’re staying clean and concise with your painting

the most important thing that i keep in mind when painting hair is to work from dark to light - so the bottom of the palette up. what this means is that i’ll make sure to render the shadows first, so that when i paint the lighter values over them, it’ll look a LOT more natural and nice looking, and it’s usually easier than working light to dark (with hair at least).

there’s no easy way to get around the next step. it’s time to draw your circle.

here you can see i’ve rendered a lot of the shadows/lighting and created more shapes in my hair, defining more of the edges between lights and darks where i can

adding some hard lines/edges can really help indicate flow!  once i’m satisfied with where i’m at here, i’ll move on to some last color tweaks!

it’s the last bit of overlay i promise!! just a little more cyan to bring out those blues again, and i added another bit of shine over some areas. i’ve found doing the eraser feather thing for both lighting and shadows at this point can help add a touch of ingradience to everything and help pull it together, especially when i’m doing something that has no/minimal blending like this

add a few more details  and voila!! Woah, That’s Hair!

[mltea]

this is in reply to the anon in our inbox ! 

PLEASE NOTE THIS GETS LONG ! SO IT IS UNDER A READMORE UWU !

the flirting thing is something i see a lot - and i can see both sides on this. on one hand he does actually stop when she asks him too. we’ve seen this in canon and we’ve also seen her getting upset over him no longer flirting with her we’ve also of course seen her get mad at the flirting. so to each their own with this one? 

for the date episode: i’m 90% sure ladybug didn’t flat out turn him down. though i could be wrong. however i do know that he wasn’t really mad at her for not turning up - but he got mad when she said ‘” we have to act like a couple “ - he has a crush on her. she isn’t taking that seriously. he’s allowed to be upset over that in my personal opinion. 

syren episode , this one i see a lot. i think he’s pretty valid. ladybug is suppose to be the person he can trust the most. and then finds out she’s keeping secrets from him - he gets upset and he’s valid in that. though in my opinion? MASTER FU IS AT FAULT he treats ladybug better than chat noir when they’re suppose to be equals. 

he doesn’t enable lila. he threatens lila to keep away from marinette lets not forget this. he just isn’t actively out there fighting with lila. he has a reputation to uphold , lila is close with his father, and we’ve seen what happens when marinette goes after lila. 

chloe is a p difficult subject because we don’t see them interact much in canon??? so i’d have to go back and watch to comment on this but mod petal probably can give a better answer if she wants to later !

the flirting banter thing - i’ve actually talked about this. i feel like its a conversation they need to really have but it’s also a trope that’s used in a lot of superhero stuff? where they flirt during battles. not even just superheroes it happens in a lot of tv shows and movies as  well. i just...don’t think its handled well via this show tbh.

i don’t remember much from copycat other than an actual adult has a crush on ladybug which grosses me out so another mod will have to take care of that one.

plagg. convinces him to go to america , so if we’re gonna talk about that you have to add plagg into the mix there.

AEON WAS AN ACCIDENT , THEY WERE FIGHTING. HE DIDN’T DO IT ON PURPOSE. you yourself said you haven’t watched it so - please do to get the whole story on that. they were fighting an akuma. he got twisted around and it happened on complete accident.

marinette is at fault with the aspik situation and i will not step down from this. she wasn’t able to focus at all ini that episode knowing that adrien was the one under the mask. she also knew it wasn’t a good idea to give him the miraculous but she did so anyway. that wasn’t his fault - he wasn’t fit for that miraculous. marinette should have been smarter and not given it to her crush just bc he was her crush.

i can’t remember the balcony scene i’m sorry fdsaijkl another mod might be able to comment ???

something we can say about the chat blanc episode is : adrien seems really blinded by his crush on ladybug - and vise versa with marinette’s crush on adrien. it’s kinda something that happens irl sometimes? just not handled very well. 

as for the volpina episode.... i’m p sure he would have given her the book if stuff hadn’t gone like it had gone. but you never know ig?

[highwayphantoms]

beep boop i have written some words. here they are. :P

a fill for the @dapromptexchange‘s winter fill-a-thon! the prompt:

Anders and Hawkes daughter is the herald of Andraste

I might end up adding more to this, might not. Don’t forget that likes and reblogs are excellent sources of serotonin and dopamine and I have clinical deficiencies of both ;) Fill is below the readmore.

- - - - - - - - - 

 "She's eight," Hawke snaps. Cullen actually takes a step back, and she might have been amused were she not so incandescently angry. “I don’t care what your reasoning is. She’s lucky to be alive--I’m not involving her in any more of this.”

“We don’t have a choice. She doesn’t have a choice,” the Seeker insists. “She can close the rifts.”

Unimpressed, Hawke crosses her arms and replies, “So could any other mage, if they tried.”

“They have tried,” Cullen says, in a tone that suggests a total lack of success.

She’s not terribly surprised. Of the fallen Circles in the south, most fell in with the rebels now hiding within the walls of Redcliffe. Mages north of the Waking Sea have mostly died, and the rest gone into hiding--which was exactly what she’d been doing until a little over a week ago. Not in the north, though. It had been too dangerous to stay in the Free Marches, and as much as she’d liked Antiva, it was hard to stay out of sight. So they’d gone south, back to Ferelden, back to the wide open farmlands she’d grown up in. Just… not the exact same lands. She’s stubborn, but not so stubborn as to try growing anything on Blighted land.

In other words, there weren’t many mages floating around, and the sort desperate enough to fall in with this ragtag outfit weren’t likely to be particularly talented.

“I don’t like this any more than you do,” the Seeker says after a moment. “An untrained magelet--”

"She's not a mage."

"No?"

"No." A lie, but a necessary one. Her daughter's clever, and she learns quick, but she's so young.

She grew up afraid--not of magic, but of templars. Afraid for her father, for herself, for her sister. Afraid for what would happen if templars ever did descend on their home. It had never happened, but as an adult she’d learned that there had been several close calls when she was young.

She had managed to protect her daughter from that fear so far. She was damned if she was going to let all that work go to waste now.

“Think about it,” Cullen eventually says, sounding oddly conciliatory. Maybe she had spooked him. “At least with the Breach stabilized, nothing has to happen tonight.”

Hawke snorts. Whatever had happened to “stabilize” the massive rip in the Veil, it had nearly killed her daughter. The world could wait. She had more important concerns.

Besides, she’d spent years in a city where the Veil was so thin that demons slipped through on the regular. Cullen ought to be used to it by now.

-

The village that the survivors of the ill-fated Conclave have set up in is tiny, and young. Likewise, most of its buildings are tiny. There’s a wooden wall surrounding the village proper, though it’s barely taller than Anders in spots. The Chantry is by far the oldest building to be seen; it’s made of stone, not wood, and she suspects the village has burned in the past. It happens, sometimes, in winter. In particularly bad years, there’s always tell of homes or entire villages gone up in flames when a fire lit to keep people warm reached too far. Besides, a little village like this is in the mountains and nowhere near a trade road. If it burned, there was no one to see the smoke rising over the trees.

The little hut that they’ve been… assigned, for lack of a better word, looks much the same as the rest. It’s closer to the gate in the wall than to the Chantry, which she appreciates, but she would’ve preferred being outside the wall entirely. She’d done some exploring before the Conclave; there were homes scattered outside the village, if not many. Any of those would have been preferable, but she knows damn well that the rest of them are happier knowing exactly where she is. Exactly where Anders is.

Exactly where their daughter is.

She grumbles a half-hearted curse on the health of everyone involved, and pushes open the door. The hut is only large enough for a single room, barely more than a hearth, a bed, and a chest of drawers, but it’s fine. It has a roof that doesn’t seem to leak, so it’s already a step above her uncle’s shack in Kirkwall. Her daughter is still as she left her, tucked in the bed and abnormally still; Anders is pacing in front of the hearth.

He stops in his tracks when she shuts the door with slightly more force than was strictly necessary. Glancing at her, he doesn’t say anything but she knows what question he has and what answer he’s hoping for. It’s the same answer she wanted, and didn’t get. Even if there wasn’t a single templar in or near the village--and Cullen is a templar, whether he wants to call himself that or not--she’d be reluctant to put her daughter anywhere near the rifts. Learning to ignore the promises of unseen demons reaching into a mage’s dreams is enough for an eight-year-old to handle. Actually physically fighting a demon that has crossed the Veil is a completely different matter. She would never ask her daughter to handle Justice--it was dangerous enough to do it herself and even Anders would freely admit that she was the stronger mage between the two of them.

“They want to keep her here,” she says reluctantly after a moment. “To use whatever that magic on her hand is to seal the Breach.”

His expression is difficult to read with his back to the fire, but she can see well enough to see fear, anger, and grief flash across his face. She half expects Justice to make a contribution as he quietly replies, “She’s lucky to be alive.”

“I know.” It’s not right. It’s not right, and it’s not fair, and what else is new? There’s no such thing as fair when you’re a mage. To be feared by common people isn’t fair. Being locked up because of something that you are, through no fault of your own, isn’t fair. The abuse of every mage locked in a Circle isn’t fair. Living a life on the run as an apostate isn’t fair. None of it is fair.

Some things never change.

“I don’t think we really have a choice,” she adds finally. There are no good options, but there never are. Let them use her daughter as a tool, risk losing her forever. Try to flee, risk dying. Once, she would have gladly opted for the latter, but not anymore. “I think the best thing we can do is go along with this, and protect her as best we can.”

He frowns, but she expected that. “I don’t like it.”

“I don’t either.” She sighs, and crosses the small room to join him by the hearth. Here, close to the fire, she can almost forget the bone-deep chill of the mountain wind. “There’s no guards posted outside the door, at least.”

This gets her a wry chuckle, at least. “It’s a start,” he admits, and glances aside at the bed. She follows his gaze, and when he looks back this time it’s her turn for an unspoken question. “She’s okay,” he says by way of answer. “Whatever happened down there, it’s calmed the mark. The magic’s not spreading anymore.”

For now, she amends silently. Where it came from is a mystery. Whose magic it is, a mystery. How dangerous it is, whether it can be removed, what it means for the future, all unknowns. As much as she likes solving puzzles like this, it’s different when it’s her daughter’s life at risk.

“I can’t lose her,” she mumbles. Wordlessly, Anders pulls her into a tight hug. Her mother, her brother, her sister, all her fault in the end. Losing her daughter would be enough to kill her.

“I won’t let that happen,” he says.

She wishes she could believe him.

[every-captain]

Wish I could add a readmore on mobile!!! Following post is long and contains mental health garbage that probably I dont need to be posting.

-------

Been having some like... memory issues and issues with my own continuity lately.

Like, I'll have an emotion, express it to someone, forget about it, and then later when I Express the opposite feeling about something people will be like "but you said-!!" and I'll feel like I could never have possibly felt the other way

I believe these people, I dont think they're gaslighting me. P sure it's just dissociative garbo.

It makes me wonder how often this happens and if I'm just recently noticing it because I'm becoming more aware of how The Disorder works outside of the cut and dry way it functioned when I was younger. Its not as easy to recognize symptoms anymore but the fact that I'm able to identify memory lapses or small sections of amnesia recently is honestly ... weird. Because I thought this wasnt something I was dealing with anymore i guess.

I used to be more in control by letting myself be more out of control. Trying so hard to control it seems like maybe I'm just... spilling over sometimes while I try to repress my learned coping functions of purposefully exiting a situation. Instead of allowing someone else to deal with shit for me, I'm forcing myself to deal with it which should be good. However I'm realizing that maybe my own sense of Whole Self is fracturing in an unanticipated way.

[runswithwolvesx]

ooc; this post is just a shoutout to @badassxqueens, and it could get lengthy-ish so i’m going to place it under a readmore!

technically, this sort of post could’ve waited until october. but, i’m impatient and i just wanted to tell you how much i love you~

13 years adds up to 4,745 days. in case you need me to spell it out for you, that’s four thousand, seven hundred, forty-five days. holy crap, right?

you and i were lucky to meet in a time where the rpc was pretty easy going and fun to really take part in. we also met on an entirely different platform, browsing forums for roleplays is definitely not as big a thing now as it was back then. (trust me, i’ve checked. multiple times.)

we were just kids then. literal babies, even though we were both adults. i mean, i believe i was going on 18 when we first spoke. that was in august, i think. so yeah, i wasn’t even 18. then when i joined your forum, i finally turned 18 that month. i remember how rp was mostly one liners back then but i had so much fun writing together and messaging each other in the pm system.

i honestly thought you were from the states, and god how over the years i wished you were! i would’ve met you 65890890 times by now. this freaking ocean between us and the fact that i’m a broke ass doesn’t help rofl. but i digress, i still plan on it one day! we already make plans for that day about what we wanna do LOL and you know the day you come here, i will have a thorough schedule of a million different things to do together. :P

i’ve told you countless times by now how glad i am that we reconnected last october. but, i’m going to take the time to say it again, alright? because, the two years spent not being friends, honestly felt like something was missing and that a light in my life had died out. i went through really dark times while we weren’t speaking, and i had to endure them alone. 

i survived, obviously. but it hurt a lot to feel so alone or like i couldn’t talk to anyone about it. because, let’s face it, you’ve always been my go-to, my shoulder to lean on, the one person in this world i trust with every part of me. that hasn’t changed despite the time apart and it won’t. you’re always one of the most compassionate and understanding, loyal people i know. 

 you are also one of the most creative, easy going, fun people i’ve ever known. we’ve written so many stories and plots over the years, friendships, enemies, lovers, siblings, we’ve done it all pretty much. and every time, i’ve always cherished each story, each plot, each interaction. why? because you’re my best friend, and you and i tend to make some pretty memorable content, even if that’s just me tooting my own horn lol!

it’s always been easy to talk to you, whether it’s rp related and we’re bouncing off ideas from each other or whether it’s personal and you or i needed someone to talk to.

i don’t think you realize just how beautiful a soul you are, and i understand the world has damaged you in some ways, as it has done to me. but i hope one day, you’ll realize that you are truly one of a kind. no one could ever replace you. that’s my wish for you though, that you’ll recognize how incredible you are and live a fulfilling and happy life, the way you should. 

maybe that’s why we were meant to be friends. so that we could teach other that we’re more than we believe we are, that we’re beautiful and loved, despite whatever trauma has happened to us. sometimes, i truly believe that you were meant for me, to be my friend, to be a part of my life. because if you hadn’t been, my life would have been so much more dull tbh.

everyone else we’ve met online has come and gone and you are the one constant person in my life, even though you are so terribly far away. yet, at times when i feel like giving up, you are also the same person who brings me back from that darkness. even when my heart is heavy, you find a way to brighten me up, make my world feel that much lighter again. thank you.

i just wanted to say that whether we’re chatting on discord, whatsapp, wherever, i always get happy to chat with you. and not a day goes by where we don’t laugh about something ridiculous but i fricken wouldn’t have it any other way. 

i love you. i love you. i love you.

to be honest, you give me hope in people and hope in life. two things that i struggle so hard to see, yet there you are, right in front of me, proving me wrong time and time again. 

thank you for being you and for being my best friend. if ever you don’t know your worth, if ever you forget how important you are or how special you are, i will be the one to tell you otherwise, to prove you wrong. i will be the one to say just how wonderful and precious you are. i will be the one to chase away your insecurities, your fears, etc. your darkest days won’t feel so dark, i promise.

ps. we both know the day that we meet i’m going to give you the biggest hug and you and i will both erupt into a sea of tears. it’s going to happen. 

[technofantasia]

HOW 2 DRAW SONIK TUTORIUL

Step 1: sorcle

(readmore for courtesy)

Step 2: bean

Step 3: noodles

Step 4: more noodles

Step 5:  this kinda crushed rectangle shape

Step 6: how?? do you do hands?? NO IDEA just do ‘em big like

Step 7: straight line + big curve = foots shoe (remember to draw stripe!)

Step 8: kitty ears!

Step 9: three pronged blob ghost on face

Step 10: DROOPY TRIANGLE SPIKES (dont forget backspike + tail!!)

Step 11: sausage nose

Step 12: HEART EYES

Step 13: dot the eyes ‘n add a big ol smile!

Step 14: erase all the lines that shouldnt be there

Step 15: give him a bean shaped belly bc you forgot to earlier

and TA-DA!!! ITS A SONNIKKU GOOD JOB YOU DID IT

use basically the same instructions to draw p much every other sonic character too bc they all have almost the same body type!! yaaaaaaay

[juju-on-that-yeet]

I wrote a DarkYan drabble during class oops. It’s short for once so there’s no readmore :p

Tagging @spookyscarydarky and @alliedoesstuff because it’s got your boy

Enjoy!

~~~

Yandere knows a lot about Dark. He knows how Dark takes his coffee, how he prefers to tie his tie. He knows the meaning of each quirk of his brow and every inflection in his voice. He knows how to tell when Dark’s just gotten back from messing with a human, and how to tell if it went well. He knows what Dark likes to eat and what songs he can play on the piano. He knows where Dark goes to press his suits and which kind of chocolate is his favorite.

He knows all this from various places. A chunk of it came from observation, the constant watching and spying he used to do before he and Dark were together. It’s how he knows what expression Dark makes when he knows he’s being watched, and how Dark moves when he wants to be lost in the crowd. Eventually, though, he began to learn things from firsthand experience. He learned how things like genuine affection and concern look on Dark’s face, and learned the way his voice changes when he talks to someone he really cares about. He learned how Dark loves.

Yandere knows almost everything there is to know about Dark, yet there’s still something missing. He knows who Dark likes and dislikes, he knows where he does and doesn’t like to go. He knows what Dark does, what he feels and what he wants, and he knows how Dark does it, shows it, expresses it. He knows the who, the where, the what, the how.

What he doesn’t know is the why.

He doesn’t know why Dark’s aura wraps around him like a blanket, instead of sitting inside him like Bim’s and Wilford’s do. He doesn’t know why Dark’s heart doesn’t beat, why his skin is so cold. He doesn’t know why his neck is always cracking, why his bones don’t cooperate with him all the time. He doesn’t know why he gets so angry and almost sad every time Wilford forgets how death works. He doesn’t know why Dark so dislikes – or even, dare Yandere think it, fears – high places and rail-less balconies. He doesn’t know why, for all the times Dark has been injured or killed, his skin is clear aside from the dark circle of a bullet wound scar on his abdomen. He doesn’t know why Dark flinches when he touches it.

No matter how much Yandere watches and listens, no matter how much he and Dark do together, he can’t figure out a single why. He tries to ask, sometimes; ask why Dark’s aura acts the way it does or why his body is the way it is or why certain things unnerve him. Never all at once, though, and never too strongly. Yandere will ask a single question, sometimes earnestly, sometimes feigning nonchalance, always asking when Dark is in a good mood. But it doesn’t matter how gently he asks or how content Dark is, for those questions are the most surefire way to get Dark to shut down. If he does answer, he gives a response so cryptic that it leaves Yandere with even more questions, more whys to add to the pile. If Yandere tries to press the issue, Dark doesn’t let him.

“I’m done talking about this, Yandere,” he’ll say, authoritative in a way Yandere can’t hope to protest. He’ll turn away and there will be uncomfortable silence for many minutes after.

It’s during those minutes that Yandere, for all he’s seen of Dark, feels like he doesn’t know him at all.

[butchspace]

Butch-Fem History / Butch Identity Reccs

[Image description: an anonymous ask to butchspace that reads “If you have personal essays or blog recs or books about b-f history or individual butch experience, especially about the b-f dynamic, that would be perfect. A mix of long and short would be great, and links of PDFs would be ideal. I actually meant OFOS, as in old-fashioned old-school butch/fem (@persistentlyfem is a fem example), and by “traditional” I mean the original incarnation of butch as the opposite and lover of the fem. I hope this helps you and thank you very much for your help!” End ID.]

Okay so! I’ve got sucked into making this post and I’m just gonna go ahead and publish before I add even more on and forget to sleep again. Putting it under a cut because of length, if anyone wants a non-readmore version of the post just let me know.

Caveats:

I focused mainly on works I could provide links to; this means that what I’ve provided isn’t necessarily my first pick, but it’s still some good stuff so whatever. (See the Offline/Extended section for more reccs.)

A lot of the pdfs were transcribed in the course of a sleepless night so there’s bound to be typos; if  you wanna tell me about them just message/ask @holzes to avoid clogging this inbox up.

Sadly, most of these works are dominated by white, cis, and able-bodied perspectives. This is especially something I want to remedy in the future in my additions.

It should go without saying, but: I don’t endorse every single opinion in these works or their authors (who for the most part I know little about), they don’t necessarily align with my own views and/or preferences, and I recognize that some of them have issues such as cissexist language and framing (see Content Warnings for more detail). Unfortunately when it comes to LGBT history, a lot of the most prominent texts are outdated or otherwise flawed in some areas and you just have to kind of trudge through it and read critically.

I included dates next to the works for a reason! Some (basically everything written in the early to mid 90s) emerged from a specific time in the lesbian community and obviously some of their statements only make sense in that context (mostly the lesbian feminist movement and its aftermath tbh). Just keep this in mind, it shouldn’t matter too much because those texts are history but just in case…

Just because I couldn’t find a work online doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist out there somewhere.

This is a deeply incomplete list. If you have suggested resources like these (preferably ones available online) including books, essays, articles, blogs, films, youtube videos, etc…. Let me know @holzes.

Content Warnings:

The Q slur (in just about every context), D slur, anecdotal homophobia, mentions of homophobic violence, outdated trans terminology, cissexism / cissexist language, discussion of sex (both academic and semi-explicit), cussing, frequent discussion of bars / probably a mention of alcohol once or twice. Sorry for not providing individual content warnings, this post is already bulky enough. If there’s something you’re rlly concerned about just mssg me @holzes and I’ll do my best to help you out.

And with all that out of the way…….. the actual post begins.

History

“Butch-Fem” by Teresa Theopano (2004)

An extremely succinct, balanced overview of butch-fem best suited for absolute beginners (aka, “what the hell is butch/fem” level). Also a good jumping-off point for anyone lacking historical context for butch-fem. Covers origin, application, and controversies. [Link]

“Lesbian Identities and the Politics of Butch-Femme” by Amy Goodloe (1993)

A rigorous essay that in many ways is a more detailed version of the above; packs a wide range of butch-fem history, controversy, and popular interpretation into a relatively short essay. A nice crash course with a killer annotated bibliography to build off of. [Link]

excerpt from Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy & Madeline Davis (1993)

This excerpt from the introduction explicates the existence of working-class lesbian bar cultures in North America from the 1930s to the 1950s as well as the butch-fem dynamic that accompanied and shaped these cultures. The second section of this excerpt is perhaps best read as a companion piece to The Return of Butch and Femme (see below), especially as relates to Kennedy and Davis’s criticism of Faderman’s attitudes toward butch-fem. The entire book is well worth the read, but if you’re pressed for time, Chapters 5, 6, and 9 will be most relevant for your purposes. [Link to excerpt] [Link to full book]

“The Return of Butch and Femme: A Phenomenon in Lesbian Sexuality of the 1980s and 1990s” by Lillian Faderman (1992)

A thorough examination of how butch-fem became deeply “politically incorrect” through the lens of 1970s lesbian feminism, as well as its persistence throughout that decade and its restoration (and transformation) in the 1980s and 1990s. Perhaps Faderman’s most balanced examination of butch-fem (but don’t worry, she still throws around every anti-butch-fem critique and stereotype that she can justify including) and an informative history of how modern butches and femmes arose and if/how we differ from our predecessors. Read with section two of the above for best results. [Link]

Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America by Lillian Faderman (1991)

Might as well, yeah? The book is a very interesting/enlightening semi-comprehensive history and a groundbreaking work in lesbian history literature. If you wanna cheat, Chapter 7 is the one that focuses primarily on butch-fem. [Link]

Personal Narratives

“Double Trouble” by Lesléa Newman (1995)

A brief personal reflection by a femme on her traditional femme-butch relationship. [Link]

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme eds. Ivan E. Coyote & Zena Sharman (2011)

An interesting collection of a broad variety of fem and butch perspectives. Essays range from emotional personal narratives to a mix of historical and personal analysis. I’ve provided links to a few that seem most relevant to your interest.

“Femme Butch Feminist” by Jewelle Gomez [Link]

“No Butches, No Femmes: The Mainstreaming of Queer Sexuality” by Victoria A. Brownworth [Link]

“What We Know to Be True” by Sasha T. Goldberg [Link]

“Spotlight” by Debra Anderson [Link]

Gender Troubles: The Butches (2016, dir. Lisa Plourde)

You might have seen this going around back when it was free to watch for a few months. It’s basically a long string of interviews with a few butches and it’s a nice watch, although I’m not sure how/where you can watch it now. [Link]

Extended (aka Stuff I Haven’t Read Yet and Am Thus Nervous to Recc)

In no particular order,

A Restricted Country by Joan Nestle (1987)

The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader ed. Joan Nestle (1992)

I haven’t read either of Nestle’s groundbreaking works because I’m Fake but she’s probably the most influential writer on butch/fem by far so she can not be recommended highly enough.

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde (1982)

A biomythography that focuses partially on lesbian bar culture in NYC, Connecticut, and Mexico. The plain text is online if you can work with that. [Link]

Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg (1993) 

This one’s only not in the main section because I figured you already knew about it, since it’s legally free online. It’s a novel, which I learned only recently. [Link]

Final Notes

For further reading and essays/books, I highly recommend digging through the notes/sources of the works I’ve linked above and jotting down anything that looks interesting or that gets mentioned a lot.

In terms of access–if you’re a college student or live in a college town, go to the college library (or public library, although these have been far less helpful for me) and find their LGBT section. Some places might surprise you. If you’re a college or high school student, go to your school library’s webpage and look for any access to databases you might have as a student, and exploit the hell out of whatever you find. If you’re not a student and/or don’t have access to a good library (or cannot use whatever resources you do have due to risk of outing yourself), stick to whatever you can find online.

Finally, I remembered @closet-keys‘s butch/femme research guide shortly after finishing this post. So, here’s that. [Link]

Thank you so much if you made it this far and I hope this answer helps out you, anon, at least a little, as well as anyone else who makes use of it!

-Mod P

[kinsbin]

McXeen Headcanons

I really wanted to write some McXeen but have no energy to write any actual fics or anything so I gathered up a bunch of headcanon posts and just THREW THEM TOGETHER TO MAKE THE GREAT MCXEEN HEADCANON LIST:

THERE’S A LOT OF THEM AND THIS IS LONG SO READMORE

Who kills the bugs - McCree. Though most of the time I will ask him to gently catch the bugs and release them back outside. Who hogs the sheets - BOTH ARE GUILTY but we make up for it by aggressively cuddling with the perpetrator Who hates mornings - Both of us are not a big fan of them. We stay in bed as long as we physically can. Who’s cranky before they had their coffee - Me. McCree can handle conversation but I just straight up communicate in groans and sighs. Who’s doesn’t like their mother in law - I don’t I guess? She’s not around and I’m angry who would leave their good son like that. Who drives - McCree because I’m scared of driving T~T Who gets horny in awkward public places - MCCREE AND IT’S A TIME Who had a scene phase - ME and McCree teases me about it weekly Who wore braces - Me, but he thinks that the pictures of me with braces are really cute Who got bullied. - Me and ho boy did it fuck me up. McCree is protective of me because of it and warns me when he thinks people are taking advantage of me. Who collects ceramic elephants. - Neither of us but seeing them in stores is cute

how did they first kiss? - the overwatch base was attacked, a job from the inside that put the area on lockdown. I was locked down in the area with the bad guys, aggressively hiding and avoiding them at any cost. McCree tore through the area and helped shut down the threat with worry that they had hurt me. When he found out I was safe, he was so relieved he kissed me and I kissed back. who flirts more? - McCree because I have the flirting experience of a rock and he loves to see me flustered how did the relationship start? - officially after we kissed for the first time? There was a lot of back and forth unsureness before both of us decided to sit down and talk about it and admit that, hey, we’d like to try something a bit long term that might be good for both of us  how did they start living together? do they move? how do they choose the place?  - We both live on the watchpoint, so, no moving really. The only moving is, eventually, me just moving into McCree’s room do they have roommates? - Nah, just the two of us! Between us it’s plenty easy to split what we need to do  do they get married (or equivalent)? - Marriage is kind of a scary commitment for both of us, but, we like to imagine it someday. It may never happen, but, you don’t need marriage to be in love you know? do they have kids? - In some AUs we do! But in the main universe nah, kids are hard to raise when you’re vigilantes helping out a dangerous uprising organization do they have pets? - I OWN A BETTA FISH OR TWO OR THREE and I want a cat but, again, no time to care for it. I treat my fish like dogs tho honestly do they act different in public and at home? - I do. McCree likes to stay honestly through his time and days but sometimes I just get tired and don’t like to show people in public what I’m really feeling. McCree can coax it out of me sometimes though big spoon/little spoon? - McCree as Big Spoon and Xeen as Little Spoon sleeping habits? - I go to bed a bit later than McCree, but we both tend to sleep in until the same time. We fall asleep separate but always somehow wake up with our limbs and bodies tangled up, which means great morning cuddles before we have to get up ;v; favorite non-sexual activity? - Dancing! what habits of the other drives them crazy? - McCree sometimes forgets to clean ash trays or take his cigarillos out of the room when he’s done with them and I probably drive him nuts by always doing whatever people ask of me? He’s like ‘stand up for yourself please’ once in a while how often do they fight? - not often! we try to communicate as best we can, and usually fights are just ‘oh I misheard your/didn’t understand what you were saying’ most trivial thing they fight over? - which one of us has to bring the cups from our room back into the kitCHEN who uses all the hot water? - ME I DO AND MCCREE GIVES UP on the upside he uses it an excuse to get in the shower with me who does most of the cleaning? - I DO! Cleaning relaxes me from time to time and gives me something to do, so I never mind doing most of it what do they watch on tv and do they fight for the remote?  who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working? - McCree because phone’s stress me out who answers the phone? - Both of us depending on whose closest to the phone at the moment :o who steals the blankets? - MCCREE AND IT FORCES ME TO GO OVER AND CUDDLE HIM SO I’M P SURE HE DOES IT ON PURPOSE who remembers things? - We both remember little things here and there honestly, it’s a shared job who does the groceries? - I do! When he’s free, McCree will come with me but mostly I tend to go alone, which neither of us mind because I know exactly what to get us both, and sometimes come back with snacks and tears for others  who cooks normally? - ME I don’t let McCree near a stove unless its the sole purpose of bacon and eggs. No other food is allowed. I cook better anyways who leaves their stuff lying everywhere? - Both of us are SO GUILTY ABOUT THIS we trip over one another’s things all the time but we don’t bother scolding each other about it because we know the other has ammunition to retort what kind of stuff can be found around their place? - Bullets, old western movies, art history books, a lot of different phone and computer chargers, anime cups, and art supplies are usually littered around our place! what do their cupboards or shelves look like? - we have our designated cupboards for all the cups, plates, sliverware, etc. All of the pots and pans go in the stove though because look it’s just a thing I did as a kid and I think Gabe did it and it rubbed off on McCree and it’s a think ok don’t judge us- what does their closet(s) look like? - MESSY. Half of our clothes aren’t even in the closet they’re on the floor near the laundry hamper because neither of us like to hang things up what do they do when they’re away from each other? - I usually end up doing work for hours on end, just throwing myself into it and sometimes reading? I text him if he’s on a mission or doing something dangerous. He probably just naps, reads, or goes out to talk with some of his other friends on the watchpoint too! do they have nicknames or pet names for each other? - MCCREE HAS SO MANY TOO MANY FOR ME I call him ‘cowboy’ and ‘loverboy’ affectionatley but that’s it. who is more likely to pay for dinner? - McCree and honestly I’m so cheap I’m not even complaining if he wants to I’m down. how often do they go on dates? - As often as we can! When he’s not on a mission and not injured/exhausted from said mission we’ll try to go out together. Both of us like going out and feel weird being cooped up in an area for too long (though we won’t deny the occasional at-home date) typical date night? out or at home? -  Out! McCree and I get antsy when we’re in one place for too long. We like to move and explore and spend time together! do they celebrate birthdays, valentine’s day, anniversaries? - If we can, not in a fancy or big way though. McCree might request it off and so would I, so we can just spend the night being together and cuddling and stuff! We both know that we won’t always be free for it, but we know that a date doesn’t measure our love for one another. what would they get each other for gifts? - I’M SO BAD AT GIFTS I WOULDN’T KNOW WHERE TO START. A Clint Eastwood box set of DvDs and some new cigarillos and a cool lighter maybe? He’d get me something sappy like flowers or a cute new dress or some blankets for our bed ;//; how do they spend christmas and new year’s (or equivalent family gatherings)? -  Same kind of as anniversary and stuff. Again, work won’t always let us be free on those days, but if we do get a chance we settle in, exchange gifts and kisses, and appreciate one another who cusses more? - ODDLY ENOUGH ME? McCree cusses a fair amount, sure, but he has like. The Southern censorship to his words that doesn’t actually exist in anywhere but spaghetti western accents. I, on the other hand, add ‘fuck’ as a filler word and trail off going ‘fucking.....fuck....’ so liKE. I WIN. what would they do if the other one was hurt? - Did you mean every other day for us. If McCree was hurt I’d fret over him and patch him up as best I can, or take him to Angela if it’s too serious! I’d be by his side the entire time though. If I was hurt? He’d pick me up and take me to Angela right away before hunting down whoever hurt me honestly- what are little gestures they do for each other? -  McCree sweetens my coffee in the morning for me if he wakes up before me, or gives my hair a gentle ruffle before kissing my forehead when he goes out on missions to reassure me ;//;. I will gently bump his shoulder or make him his favorite meal when he’s home so he can eat and just fall asleep after a mission. do they know how the other takes their coffee/tea? -  Yep! McCree takes it as black as the depths of the damn ocean and he knows that I absolutely drown mine in sugar and sweetener. Any offer for one of us to try the other’s coffee is automatically declined do they feel they see each other enough, or do they have activities that take too much of their time? - It’s a mixed feeling. Sometimes I get worried we don’t see each other enough, and I guess sometimes he worries too. We talk about it though, because missions are missions. Heroes never stop working, I guess, but we spend as much time as we can together for sure! do they friend/follow each other on facebook/tumblr/livejournal/skype/etc? -  ABSALOUTELY. When McCree is away we skype or talk together as much as we can when its safe ;v; (added) morning routine? - McCree wakes up first, makes coffee, and wakes me up if I”m running late. I wake up, kiss him, grumble until I have my coffee, and then he always lets me take a shower first ;//; When I do I come out and he takes one, and then we just eat breakfast and hug for a really really long time until we have to go our separate ways for our job. how do they make up after a fight? - Fights are rare, and we usually know that they’re caused by one of us being careless or miscommunicative. If i’m upset, McCree will come in and apologize to me and we’ll talk it out, and he’ll hug me and let me pick the movie out we watch later ;v; and he’ll get me ice cream to sweeten the deal. If he’s the upset one, I’ll go and apologize the same and talk, and still hug him. He gets the movie pick if that’s the case