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kim-ruzek · 3 years

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To build a life, let us share our past

Summary: Adam takes Kevin with him to pick out an engagement ring, wendy and Nicole comes up and Kevin tells Adam he needs to tell Kim about her.

Fix-it, technically.

Word Count: 3.5k

Read on AO3

Notes: So many little things would be better solved is Burzek just communicated, so I'm writing fix it fics for them all! I hope y'all enjoy!

“You’re going to ask Kim to marry you?” Kevin stares at Adam, with shock and disbelief. Adam likes to think he can read his best friend’s face expertly—maybe not as well as Kim, who has known Kev for longer, but well enough—and if Adam knows Kev, then he knows there is also amazement and love in his expression as well.

Adam hopes there is, at least. He hasn’t been with Kim long, just a year, as of last week. This is fast, Adam knows that. But it’s real, and he knows more than he’s ever known anything else that Kim is his future, his ‘One’. And Kevin’s their mutual best friend, his approval means more than anyone else’s to Adam and Kim, and Adam knows an engagement wouldn’t feel right to either of them if Kevin had problems with it.

“I love her, man. She’s it.” Adam says simply, hoping to infuse the words with all his love, respect and care for Kim.

“I know you do, bro. The two of you together... You know you two are my family and I couldn’t be happier,” Kevin is a man of little words, but every one is from the heart, and Adam knows how earnest he is.

“I’d say congratulations but that’d involve Kim having said yes, so I know you’re not just telling me this.” No one could say Kevin Atwater is not a smart man, or a quick minded one.

“I need you to help me pick out a ring.” Adam tells him.

“Me?” Kevin blinks.

“Yeah. I don’t, this ring stuff is confusing. And you know Kim, you’ll know what she likes.” Ensuring that Kim gets the ring she deserves, the ring she’ll wear for years to come, the ring she’ll love, is something that is important to Adam, is needed. And so much jewellery looks the same to him, but he knows, knows, that Kevin has more of an eye for this stuff.

“We did used to window shop, on our slower patrol days,” Kevin muses. His words rings a bell inside his mind, a vague recollection of Kim telling him that when she was talking about stories from patrol. He had forgotten all about that, but now he feels even more confident in his decision to ask Kevin for his help.

“So you’ll help me?” Adam smiles hopefully at his friend. Kevin grins back, pulling him into a hug.

“Yeah, of course I’ll help you! Let’s go pick out a ring for our girl.”

The ring shop feels daunting, glass cabinets everywhere, jewellery of all kinds inside, and well dressed employees standing, waiting. The store feels delicate, and Adam feels way too out of place. Too tall, too broad, to masculine.

Deciding to go on a quiet day that they’re on call feels like a mistake now, Adam being way too aware of his gun on him, and how clunky it makes him feel. The only times Adam’s, really, been in a jewellery shop has been after a robbery, and without glass broken everywhere and no cops swarming the place, he feels like an imposter, like he doesn’t belong.

Of course, he’s been in shops like this before not related to work. The times he’s gone to buy his sister, or mom jewellery, and of course when Wendy’s best friend, Sara, dragged him to the store to point out which ring Wendy wanted. Those times didn’t feel as tense, as suffocating, as if everyone is staring at him like this does, and Adam can only attribute that to being because this is so much more important than those times, that he’s aware this could put a spanner into an otherwise good relationship, that he has so much more to loose.

Kevin is beside him, and Adam’s glad once more that he invited Kev to come along with him as his presence is calming. Logically, it feels like he shouldn’t, Kevin is taller and broader than Adam, and his presence also feels too big and clunky for this delicate store. But Kevin doesn’t seem the slightest bit fazed, and that calms Adam’s nerves.

“Here,” Kev leads him to a counter with rings on display underneath. Adam tries not to focus on the worker giving them a look.

Kevin had picked out what store to look at, saying of course they could look at several, but that Kim has mentioned she’d want a ring from a smaller, more ethical shop. Adam recalls conversations like that as well.

Adam looks down at all the different rings, feeling overwhelmed by it all. He has a roundabout idea of what to get, nothing too big or flashy—that’s not Kim’s style, especially in their line of work, you don’t want something like that while interacting with criminals—but something simple in its beauty. Like Kim, Adam thinks. To him she’s flawless, effortlessly, and so, so beautiful.

“This is so hard,” Adam groans to Kev, running a hand through his hair.

“Take your time, bro. It’s a process, just don’t stress.” Kevin calmly says back. Adam looks at his friend, speaking again as he remembers the whole purpose of him inviting him along.

“You seen anything?”

“I’m here to help you. And I will. But you know her better than anyone, even me, so just look yourself first. We have time. We can come back.” Kevin reasons.

“Right, right. I don’t know, man, it was easier with Wendy. She had already picked out the ring herself, and her friend told me which one. But this? Kim deserves the best, I just don’t want to get it wrong.” He laments.

The experience of picking out the ring for Wendy wasn’t exactly a magical experience or anything particular special. He showed up, rung his card, and that was that. And at the time he was grateful for the simplicity of the whole matter, and although right now a part of him wishes this was that easy, Adam knows, deep down, that as stressful as this is, he prefers this experience more. That he’s involved, that he’s excited, that he knows beyond everything that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Kim. This is everything that experience wasn’t, and Adam knows he would take on all this stress a million times over for Kim.

“Nikki was even easier. I mean, 40 dollar ring, impulse proposal? Guess though, this just says I’m getting it right this time.” Adam continues to muse out loud. Kevin gives him a strange look.

“Nikki? Were you engaged to another girl?” He questions and Adam is reminded that although it feels like he’s known his best friend forever, they haven’t even known each other two years yet, that there’s things he wasn’t around for. Adam’s social circles up until he was pulled from the academy was the same he had for years, and Kev’s met a few of his mates, so Adam forgets that Kevin and his friendship is still so recent.

“Yeah, I was. When I was like twenty, for like three months. It was a train wreck. A drunken thought took seriously,” Adam explains.

“I get you, bro.” Kevin says, but still, he’s looking at him curiously, a thought clearly on his mind. “Does Kim know?”

Adam raises an eyebrow at him. “Uh, I don’t think so? We don’t really talk about that stuff.”

“Do you think you should?” Kevin asks pointedly. Adam frowns.

“It was years ago, why should I? There’s no point just randomly bringing exes up,” he dismisses.

“Bro.” Kevin gets in front of him now, redirecting his attention from the rings. “You’re picking out an engagement ring for her. She needs to know you’ve been engaged twice before you propose. Because it will not go well if you don’t, trust me. I know you don’t mean anything by it, but this can quickly become a big deal.” Kevin’s tone is loving, caring, but firm.

“Just think about it. You were engaged when you met. You propose after a year. She finds out you had another fiancée. I know you love her, I know you’re meant to be, but just think about it from how it could look from her perspective.”

Oh.

Kevin’s words are wise, and realisation, and understanding of what Kev’s getting at, dawns on Adam.

“Yeah. Yeah, good point. I’ll tell her tonight.” Adam immediately agrees. “Just need to make sure not to tip her off to why I was thinking about my exes,” he grins at him.

“That’s a difficult task. She’s a quick one, Burgess is.” Kev replies, grinning himself. “But I’m sure you’ll find a no doubt disgustingly cute way to distract her.”

As his best friend, Kevin has unfortunately heard way too much about the inner details of their lives, details that since Kim is basically like his sister he’d have rather not known. But Adam can only focus on feeling sorry for him for a second, as he’s distracted, his eye catching sight of a ring in another counter.

“Kev. Look. This one.” Adam points it out to him, knowing, feeling, deep in his heart, that he had found The Ring, the one perfect for Kim. And by the looks at Kevin’s expression, his awe and smile, Adam thinks his friend agrees with that.

“That’s perfect.” Kevin grins at him.

“So, movie or tv?” Kim asks him as she adjusts the temperature on the oven. It’s the evening, and they’re at home—at his place, technically speaking, but he’s here and she’s here, which makes it home.

Kim had beat him home as usual, had let herself into his apartment like she always does, like they always plan, like they do automatically now without so much of a thought as their lives become more and more entangled with each other. She had already showered and gotten out of her work clothes by the time he had gotten home himself.

Kim’s dressed casually, lazily, only in some of her leggings and one of his old shirts with her hair tied up in a bun that’s coming undone. It’s a simple look, a no thought look, a behind the scenes, after look, a look for when Kim just wants to relax, to not be officer Burgess or even really a person, just Kim. A look for when she’s just her, unwinding from the day—a look only he is privy to.

Intimacy isn’t just knowing what the other likes in bed, how to make them blush, or what their favourite colour is. It’s this. It’s how they are with you in down time, the simple and unguarded way they are around you, how you’re not really no longer another person but almost an extension of themselves, that they can be who they are with no doubts or anything needing to be held up or any illusions to be set. Just them.

Adam wouldn’t exactly class himself as a romantic, far from it. And before Kim, he had seldom noticed these thing, not taking much note of the significance of it. It wasn’t important before, now it is. Maybe perhaps because Adam’s a cop now, he sees such things and it’s given him an appreciation for these sorts of things. Maybe because Kim was shot, Kim was kept captive and beaten, and being with her as she healed gave him a whole new look on what intimacy and love truly meant. And maybe it’s because Kim is his one, his reason for being, the beat of his heart.

Kim is an over thinker, in the most adorable of ways, and Adam thinks that if she was in his mind right now, her thoughts would be churning, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he started to appreciate things like this, because that’s who she is. Adam, he’s an over thinker in his own, different kind of way, but not this, this, Adam spares no real thought on it.

He doesn’t care about the whys, just what is, and he’s just grateful that whatever the reason is that these are things he notes now because getting to embed this memory into his mind, embed how his heart flutters at the thought of their causal intimacy with one another forever into his memories, is something he’s so, so appreciative of.

“Adam?” Kim calls to him, bringing him out of his mind, and to where she stands, still in the kitchen, waiting expectantly. “Movie or tv? And don’t think you’re going to be able to pull the tired card, you know the rules. One of us picks movie or tv, the other picks what it’ll be. Not one of us deciding both.”

This is how their evenings go now. When Adam was in his early twenties, the thought of having such a routine, of staying in most nights, of this normality, would be a suffocating one, but now the thought of spending his days like how he did is the suffocating one. That the thought of spending the rest of his days like this, with Kim, eating their dinner together and just cuddling, is one that fills him with content and his mind how back to the purchase made earlier, of the ring they picked for her, of how he imagines it’ll look on her finger.

“I’m not trying anything,” Adam replies, smiling at her. Anyone else, perhaps, that would make them let it go, but Kim narrows her eyes at him, questioningly, as if trying to suss him out.

“But darlin’, today, I was thinking,” he begins, his heart beating quickly as he hopes this will come across as casual as it’s meant to be. Hoping that she won’t realise there’s a deeper reason behind his sudden curiosity, of him bringing this up.

“That’s dangerous,” Kim has a glint in her eye. And Adam, despite himself, despite how she’s teasing him, smiles at that because goddamn, he loves this woman.

“Ha ha,” he replies dryly, before adjusting himself as he prepares to say his next sentence. He’s sitting on the sofa, but facing backwards, leaning his arms of the top of it so he can look at her as he speaks.

“I was thinking, with how we got together and all, you know we didn’t exactly go through the typical new relationship stuff. Like the ex talk and whatnot,” Adam hopes, prays, that his tone remains stable, casual, that he hasn’t activated that excellent cop instinct of hers and that she’ll sense there’s something deeper driving this conversation.

He wants to halt, to stop this, to not go near any topics that will tip her off to him having brought a ring, but Kev’s words echo in his mind and he knows he has to. Has to, if he wants to make sure that when he puts that ring on her finger, it stays on. Kevin is her best friend, the man Adam went to for help with the ring because no one else knows her this well, and so Adam takes what he says, his advice, very seriously.

“Hm. I guess we haven’t.” Kim says. There’s a slight guardedness to her tone and Adam wonders if there’s perhaps a deeper reason behind them not having this conversation before, besides them beginning the relationship in the way they did.

There’s a part of him that’s curious, that needs to know everything about this incredible woman, but there’s also a part that hurts, aches, at the thought of what possible bad experiences she could’ve had with exes, that has made her tense slightly in such a way. A part of him that wants to just reassure her that his bringing this up is not to dig into her past, but for him to share his, so that they can build a future.

“Well, you know about Wendy, obviously.” Adam cringes at having to mention his most recent ex, at the memory that he was in a relationship when he first got into her. Wendy is seldom mentioned, a part both of them would prefer to forget about, him particularly, with his assholeish behaviour—not his finest moments, that’s for sure. But he has to, has to start the conversation so casually like this is just what he thought while at work.

“Hm. Yeah.” Kim is just mindlessly reorganising things in the kitchen now, a tale-tail sign that she does not appreciate the reminder. Adam focuses on keeping himself calm, casual, so that he doesn’t accidentally start an argument.

“What about you? Did you date when in the academy?” Adam asks.

“I was busy. I’m a woman and all, I had to be the best.” Kim replies and he almost flinches at the edged tone to her words. Adam wonders if it’s still because him bringing up Wendy, or something else, and everything in him screams abort mission but he needs to, needs to, tell her about Nicole.

“What about when you were a flight attendant? Did you date much?” Trying to keep his tone light and not too curious, too pressing is proving hard, especially when this has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with him.

“A little.” She’s reorganising the cabinets now. Her tone is guarded, cool, and Adam’s split between whether to continue from where he is or if he should go hug her. Not wanting to make her think that he’s wondering about her clipped responses—knowing Kim, that’s even more dangerous territory—Adam decides to stay put, no matter how much his arms ache to have her in them.

“What about high school? At work, seeing all these teenagers insist their adults just remind me of my own teenage antics,” Adam offers up his own past a little, putting the attention back on him. There’s a lot of ‘teenage antics’ in his history, not much of which he’d particularly like to get into, but if Kim asks, he will. Because she’s clearly uncomfortable, and he’s doing that, and so he’ll be uncomfortable instead. He’ll do anything for her.

“I bet, canaryville,” Kim turns to look at him, smiling, her tone light for the first time in this whole conversation. Adam seizes the opportunity.

“God, the things I got up to. I wanted to be a cop, even back then, although I didn’t think it was in the cards. But you wouldn’t think it. I was canaryville through and through.” He reminisces. “The Beverly in me came out in my twenties, although canaryville, I’ll always be a canaryville boy. Got me the job, so there’s that. There was a time though that I really could’ve became very canaryville.” This is all stuff he’s touched on before with Kim, but she’s listening, intently, to him, because she always regards as whatever he says as important, just another reason he so desperately wants her to be his wife.

“I was even engaged at one point. Not Wendy, to this girl when I was twenty. You know, real puppy dog love. But marrying young isn’t uncommon in canaryville and well, I was young.” Adam casually drops. Kim was leaning against the counter, just listening, but at that, she pushes herself to stand up straight, staring at him.

“You were engaged? Before you were engaged?” She stares at him, shocked.

“Yeah, for like three months. Got engaged in the summer, we’d called it off by Halloween. We were young, thought we were in love, her mom was pushing her to move to Canada with her and wasn’t taking our relationship ‘seriously’ so we thought hey. I proposed with a 40 dollar ring,” He keeps his tone casual, even still, making sure to avoid details like they had only dated a year. Kim needs to know this, but she’s an over thinker, and if he tells her that and then proposes after they’ve been together only a year themselves, she’ll go into overdrive. That is not what he wants.

“I can’t believe you’ve been engaged not once, but twice,” Kim, thankfully, sees the humour in all this, all her defences dropping again. Adam feels a weight lifted off his shoulders that this went well, that she’s not mad at him.

“Third time’s the charm, hey?” Kim then says, grinning at him. Only for a second, before what she said registers and the grin has gone, replaced with a deep blush and wide eyes. “I mean, I didn’t mean, like us, not that I, uh—” Kim stumbles over her words, her adorably anxious mind in overdrive.

“Darlin’. Relax. I know what you meant,” Adam reassures her, standing up now to go to her. He kisses the top of her forehead, calming her thoughts, and smiling into her, allowing himself to feel happy that it appears that Kim’s at least briefly imagined them getting married, and that she seems open. His heart feels a little lighter, less nervous and more excited, and more confident in his decision to buy the ring.

“Now, is our food nearly done? Because we’ve got to choose; a movie or tv,” Adam diverts the conversation back, needing Kim to not focus on the thought of marriage too much, not when they’re a few weeks away from the surprise.

A surprise that Adam cannot wait for, which he notes as he watches Kim, smiling at her as she moves and talks to him, feeling more and more in love with her with every passing second.

#burzek #kim burgess x adam ruzek #burzek fic #Chicago pd #chicago pd fanfiction #ree writes #ree's.writing

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authoressskr · 5 years

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Write Into Your Arms [4]

Characters: f!Reader, James “Bucky” Barnes, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, James “Rhodey” Rhodes, Peter Parker, Hope Van Dyne, Natasha Romanoff, Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Okoye, T’Challa, Shuri, Clint Barton, Happy Hogan, Dr. Strange, Wong, Bruce Banner, Thor, Amelina Rodrigez (OFC), Carol Danvers, Rocket Raccoon, Groot, Peter Quill, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis and Drax.

Warnings: Language, Angst (mostly in and out of last couple chapters), Action (3rd chapter) and no Beta (just me and Grammerly up in here)

Word Count: 11,560 :: Pairing: Bucky x f!Reader

This was written for @jewelofwinter’s Writing Challenge!! I also incorporated a prompt for @jaamesbbarnes + @sgtjbuccky’s D&S’ Milestone Celebration!!

Prompt: “Tin Man lost Y/N.” (@jewelofwinter’s prompt) + “Publicly, I agree. Personally, I think it’s chickenshit.” (D&S’ prompt) Bolded in text below. Prompt #1 will appear in the third part while Prompt #2 appears in the second part. The next parts will be posted by the end of this week. All will be linked.

Summary: You’re a small-time blog writer who is invited to interview the Avengers. ALL the Avengers.

*Note: Endgame happened - kind of. Steve didn’t go back to the 40s. Tony didn’t die. Natasha got brought back with the Bruce Snap. Bruce is not the Hulk mashup they had going on. Everything else happened. This takes place 3 years after defeating Thanos.*

[PART 3]

Please do NOT repost, copy & paste, post or share my works on any other platform without my EXPRESS PERMISSION.

-+- REBLOGGING is fine and very appreciated! -+-

Sleeping alone the last few nights had taken forever and you feel it begin to take its toll.

You’re still scrubbing a hand over your exhausted face as you tottle into the kitchen. Happy is making a smoothie, the grinding noise immediately grinding on your nerves at the shitty sleep you had gotten.

What if you screwed up and now you needed someone to sleep with after the attack? With that someone being a certain blue-eyed Sergeant…

You shove that thought away for a later time as you climb onto a barstool.

“Smoothie? Banana and strawberry - got some blueberries in there too. A little protein powder to kick it up a little.” Happy is far too chipper for you this early, but you force a smile at him. It’s not his fault you slept so bad.

“Sure. I’ll take whatever.”

“Granola?”

“I’m gonna have to stop you there, Happy. Only one healthy thing at breakfast at a time.” You push yourself out of the barstool to look in the fridge nearly cursing aloud when you see the milk is gone. All three fucking different kinds. “Ugh. I guess I’ll have some granola, Hap.”

“Yogurt?”

“Yes, sir.” You look around the empty kitchen. Weird. Extra weird. “Where is everyone?”

“Steve, Bucky, Sam, Carol, Hope, Scott, Shuri, and Peter all went for a morning run. They should be back in about half an hour. Tony and Pepper headed to the Tower to handle some paperwork and meetings. Okoye is in the conference room with a call from Wakanda. Bruce, T’Challa, Vision, Thor, Rocket, and Nebula are in the big lab - doing what, I don’t know. Not sure I want to know. Quill and Drax are presumably still sleeping on the ship. Gamora and Wong are sparring in the gym with Natasha, Wanda, and Clint. I assume Strange popped out, but again, can’t say for sure. Don’t have a clue where Rhodey is either. Mantis, Groot and Valkyrie are walking the grounds.”

“Valkyrie?!” You gasp around a mouthful of granola. “When did she get here?!”

“Thor went and got her. Said it would cheer you up after the Incident to see the King of Asgard.”

“Aww. He’s too sweet!” Well, that was beyond thoughtful!

“Yeah, he’s a great guy,” Happy leans on the countertop, looking you dead in the eye, “So what are you and Barnes doing? Just ask him out. Everyone is betting on it happening and if you do it today, I get $500 extra dollars from Rhodey and an extra couple grand from Tony.”

“What the hell, Happy?! Not cool, buddy.” You hiss at him, shocked at his words. Not terribly surprised, since there was a building full of bored superheroes who all operate real money like a toddler with a fistful of Monopoly money.

“What? You like him, he likes you. I don’t see a problem. You two shared a bed, he’s been following you around and taking pictures of you, he’s got a nickname for you...the two of you are constantly brushing against each other now. I could go on…” He waves his hand in a forward motion, making you frown. Bucky was taking pictures of you? And following you around? And you hadn’t noticed either of those things? Had he been the one to take your camera?

“Thanks for breakfast, Happy.” You manage not to snap the words out and also manage not to stomp back to your room. But once there, you hover just past the closed and locked door.

What to do now?

You feel a need in your chest. Maybe you need the relief crying brings? And it’s this thought that makes you wonder: Is it the lack of sleep? Is it the back and forth with Bucky? Is it the fact you are seemingly so easy for all of them to read? How had you let this happen?

You let them draw you out of your bubble while mooning over the former Winter Soldier...

Your emotions were too over the place right now but you knew what you needed to do: finish up these interviews and get the hell out before you got your heartbroken.

Although you feared it was already badly bruised by this decision.

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“Doll?” Bucky draws her out of her thoughts, your eyes just staring out over the empty gym. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been sort of out of it since yesterday. Do you need to, ya know, talk to someone?”

“No,” You give him a tight smile. “Just lost in my thoughts.”

“Maybe you need a break?”

“I need to finish the interviews.” Bucky takes your hand in his gently, his thumb rubbing along the back of your hand. He had barely seen you yesterday and it worried him.

“I think you need a break, beautiful. You were staring off into space and the only reason I knew you were in here was because I heard you sigh.”

“It’s just so much more difficult with them! And I don’t know why!” You flip open your notebook, pointing to the interview with Rocket you just finished, angrily jabbing at the offending page. “Rocket doesn’t remember where he’s from or where he escaped from exactly and he’s defensive about it. Won’t discuss it at all. Which is fine. Really!” Another sigh escapes you. “But every other question I ask he just scoffs at. Plus he’s throwing a lot of alien terms out when he talks about what he does, which I then have to have him explain. That just leads to him complaining and that just takes time from the interview.”

“Rocket might be better with someone like him to keep him straight. I’ll talk to Tony about it, okay? Did you have lunch yet?”

“No.”

“Well we should -” She withdraws her hand from his, Bucky’s chest tightening at the action.

“And I’m not hungry. Thank you though, Bucky. I’m just going to go find Valkyrie. Maybe she’ll be easier to interview.” She collects her things quietly, slipping from the room as Bucky sits there a bit bewildered.

Yesterday she hadn’t really spoken to anyone and he’d felt bad for not spending more time with her. They’d taken extra time on the morning run to help the vineyard owner with their vintage truck that had broken down on the road. And when they’d gotten home and showered, Thor had just been going on and on about his wonderful interview to Bruce, Scott, and Stephen. Bucky had shot the god a dirty look before clenching his jaw so hard he was sure he heard a pop.

Bucky had figured she would have already been up, about and ready to interview. And she had just one interview that day; Quill.

He’d given her a tour of the ship and then they stayed on board while they did the interview - Bucky seated by one of the big windows closest to the patio forcing himself every so often to unclench his jaw and relax his fisted hands as he waited not-so-patiently for them to return to the compound.

He knows the Guardians are different than the Avengers, a little more avant-garde and rough around the edges - okay, a lot more - but he also knows they’ll do the right thing. Most of the time. And Tony has reminded him that he needs to trust them with her.

But he doesn’t want to.

He exits the gym just as quietly as she did, determined to track Steve and Tony down. You needed the Guardians to work with you so you could do a good job on the interviews. That’s when he passes by the conference room, your voice drawing him from his thoughts and making him pause.

“I’m glad with the results, Lina.” You have the phone tucked between your ear and shoulder, scribbling in your notebook with a little frown.

“No, Lina, I’m not going to do that.”

“Yes,” You huff out angrily. “I am aware I don’t sound like myself.”

“No! I’m not going to just throw in the towel and go home!” He watches you run your fingers through your hair before giving it a sharp tug.

“I will get through these damn interviews if it kills me.”

“I’m so fucking tired. My emotions are everywhere. Bucky just found me staring off into space. I need some sleep. I need a drink. I need to stop feeling guilty for badgering them with questions, eating their food and wearing the very expensive clothes Tony got me. I need something else but I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s not homesickness. I just want -” You pause. “I don’t even know what I want.” It’s a whisper, your confession, and it makes his chest squeeze tighter. He stops eavesdropping and continues to go find Tony and Steve, calling out to FRIDAY once he’s out of earshot, determined to make you feel better - like before.

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Valkyrie is a blessing from above.

You honestly almost burst out in tears at her calm, concise demeanor and frankness.

She’s whip-smart, unafraid to speak her mind, and witty to boot. She offers you a drink as soon as you sit down, making you shake your head no. You really don’t need to drink in the mindset you’re in right now. Then again… No. No, better not.

“Were the Valkyries on Asgard anything like the ones written about here on Earth?” She snorts at your question, taking a long pull from her beer bottle before tossing herself into the oversized blue chair in her room.

“No, not at all. There are a few similarities, but we weren’t sewing and making bullshit tapestries of the humans ‘great battles’. We were warriors. When we weren’t honing our skills, training Valkyrie hopefuls or drinking, we led normal lives on Asgard. Our leader sat in on meetings with Odin, we helped patrol the city in times of uncertainty, we courted and loved...we were strong.” She leads off, looking away from you.

“And then Hela came?” Your words are soft, the look in your eyes even softer.

“And then Hela came. First, she destroyed my sisters, my family, my friends. Took everything from me. And then she came again. Like a ghost from the past, I had hoped never to lay my eyes on again.” She swallows before pursing her lips slightly, tapping her thumb idly against her bottle. “Only this time she killed our people and destroyed our home. This time she nearly took everything again. But Asgard is a people, not a place. And I survived to see her die, so I feel I was able to avenge my sisters in a way.”

“I think they’d be glad to know she’s gone and can’t hurt anyone anymore.” She nods once before leaning back in the chair. “To think, a lot of things might have gone differently if Odin had been honest.” Valkyrie snorts in agreement before taking another drink. “Asgardians seems to have some pretty big secrets.”

“That’s what happens when you live so long, little poet,” Valkyrie winks before shuffling down a bit more in the chair.

“I suppose so,” You raise an eyebrow at the nickname, agreeing to her words with a little shrug before diving into your other questions. Asgardians nickname you FAST.

Asking about New Asgard, about being King, and about what she misses most about her sisters distracts you from your thoughts of failure on your other interviews and from Bucky, who had been so nice to you, but hadn’t really tried to touch you in the last two days until just before in the gym. He seemed to be distracting himself just as much as you are and it slightly pisses you off that he still feels guilty over what happened. But the anger always dissipates nearly as soon as you recognize it, knowing you aren’t angry - but something else. If only you could fucking figure out what that something else was...

“Something you like about Earth?”

“Variety,” She says with a grin that has some flirty overtones, chuckling when your eyes widen ever so slightly. “Ya know,” She begins, bracing her elbows on her knees, “I could help take your mind off whatever troubles you, little poet. We can get Bruce or Thor if that makes you feel better.” She reaches out to pat your knee affectionately and while this isn’t the first time you’ve been propositioned - by a man or woman - this was the first time others were offered as part of the deal. And unlike the others, you don’t feel leery of Valkyrie. What she’s offering is honest and upfront, with no side agenda like the men always seemed to have. You were slightly shocked you still felt comfortable with her after she suggested that. Now you kind of wish Bucky would suggest that, but you know that would hurt your heart more when you had to leave.

“Thank you for that. But I don’t have sex with people I’m interviewing.” Her grin never leaves her face.

“That’s alright. I’ll ask again when you’re done with your writing and interviewing,” You can’t help smiling at her tone, so self-assured, feeling her hand at the small of your back as she heads towards her bedroom door with you. “I wouldn’t sleep with Thor but I think you’d enjoy it. Bruce, I might be tempted to, but I like the Hulk better, but I know he would see to your pleasure. But I know you’ve got your eye on the metal-armed super soldier.” You look at her, the question must have been crystal clear in your eyes, along with the shock of her talking about Bruce and Thor’s sexual prowess. “We all see it. The way you look at him, the way he looks at you. I find it adorable you are so shy, easy going and easily flustered. Not to mention attractive. So I understand why the Sergeant glares at everyone who gets a little too close, touches you a little longer than appropriate here on Earth.” Sort of like now...

“Thank you for the compliments, Brunhilde.” Her eyebrow arching smoothly with surprise. “Thor didn’t tell me - I just did my homework and guessed,” A small sigh escapes your lips after your victorious smile. “I thought we took a step back after the attack but I also thought he would make a move after we smoothed that out. But I’m still waiting. And I’m tired of initiating too. I-I-I’m just not very good at this.” You gesture between yourself and the closed door and then between yourself and Brunhilde.

“Don’t worry, little poet. I’ll help you out. You don’t need to do anything. We can give him the kick in the pants he needs.”

“But,” She drops her hand, lifting it to squeeze your free hand at your soft tone. “I don’t want him forced or coerced. I want him to want me and act on it.”

“And that’s what you deserve, little poet,” And she kisses your cheek tenderly. “Let’s get you something to eat.”

:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::xxxxxxxxxx:::

“Alright, listen up, freeloaders!” Every head snaps towards Tony. “Apparently our new housemates aren’t treating our writer well.”

“How is that our fault? You all are the ones who tossed her outside to fend for herself!” Quill shouts back, pushing himself out of his chair to stand before Bucky growls at him across the table.

“Look, we aren’t at a damn cantina in space - so I need you to pull your heads out of your asses and for fuck’s sake stop flirting with her,” Tony glares at Quill. “And stop making her feel stupid for not knowing your space jargon, Mr. Build-A-Bear,” Tony points to Rocket, “or butting into others interviews,” Tony gestures towards Drax who looks to his left at Nebula, who rolls her eyes. “No, not her, Drax. You!” Drax points to himself.

“I didn’t interrupt anyone.”

“You interrupted me! How am I supposed to make a move on her when you’re in the ship butting in?”

“She isn’t here for you to hit on,” Scott clarifies. “She’s here to interview us. She wants to make us look human, make everyone see the sacrifices we’ve been through and you schmucks are gonna drive her to drink!”

“I agree with the Ant. She is too...chipper for myself but seems more than competent. More so than these morons,” Nebula’s rough voice disturbs the quiet after Scott.

“Okay - fine! I’ll try not to hit on her anymore and Rocket will try to be nicer. I can’t fix Drax -”

“I’ll try to keep them more in line,” Gamora agrees with a nod, tapping her forefinger against the heavy wooden tabletop.

“You should all be responsible for yourselves. Be nice. She’s nice to all of you. She was so excited you all were coming and so far her favorite person is Valkyrie of New Asgard. On Earth.”

“That really can’t be helped, she is rather wonderful,” Thor smiles at Tony who fights an eye roll. “Both of them.”

Bucky nearly snarls at Thor, gripping the arm of his chair so tight he feels the metal buckle beneath his grip.

“We will all be better behaved. Even if I must make them, Mr. Stark, sir.”

“Thank you, Mantis.” Rhodey gives her a nod. “Everyone go ahead and go about the rest of your day.”

They all file out except Bucky and Thor who are staring each other down.

“I am not after the little rose, Sergeant.”

“She’d be better off with someone like you. But I just can’t let her go, you understand?”

“I do. But she is already taken with you. She does not look at any of us, nor talks to any of us as she talks to you.” Bucky nods, releasing the metal from his grip and resting his hand on the table.

“I’m-I know I should ask her out but yesterday and today...makes me think that she’s trying to stop herself from getting hurt.”

“You won’t hurt her, Bucky. It is not in your makeup to harm her nor anyone you care about. You are more different than Steve then I realized, but I like it. Remind me of myself after I learned some hard lessons.”

“I’m glad we are on the same page then.”

“Oh, my friend, we are not on the same page at all.” Thor begins with a deep chuckle as Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up. “I agree you might deserve her and I agree I will not pursue her now, but you need to make a decision or release her. Valkyrie and I both already have a soft spot for her. And are waiting eagerly in the wings, as it were.” Thor stands with a bright, happy grin, clapping his hands and rubbing them together. “I’ll see you at dinner then!” And he walks from the room like he fucking owns it.

“I hate him,” Bucky mutters to himself before leaving the conference room in a huff.

:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxxx:::

Natasha comes into your room while you’re parked in your usual spot, laptop playing the opening chords of ‘All My Life’ by K-Ci and JoJo as you switch between typing and adding notes to your notebook.

“Did you find your camera?”

“What?!” You set your laptop to the side, focusing all your attention on the redhead. “You had it?”

“Yes. I wanted to see what pictures you had taken.”

“You could’ve asked!” Natasha pauses for a nano-second before shrugging.

“Sometimes I forget you are so open. With no ulterior motives.”

“Natasha, you honestly have no idea how much it hurts that that is how you live your life. Always suspicious.”

“It’s kept me alive.”

“I’m sure it’s kept many people alive. But what a terrible mindset to always be thinking ‘What do they want from me?’ or ‘What information are they after?’” You turn back towards the window, pulling your laptop back into your lap and staring resolutely at the screen. “Thank you for returning it, Natasha. Did you need anything else?”

“No, I suppose not. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Thank you for the concern, but I’m just dandy.”

“And you’re still a terrible liar. I just wanted to let you know that Rocket and Groot will be ready in an hour to interview. Well, re-interview for the trash panda.”

“Thank you for letting me know, Natasha. I’ll get on that.”

“Come see me afterward,” Her voice leaves no room for argument so you just nod, the door closing softly behind the redhead, the sound nearly covered by the sound of your heavy sigh.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Rocket is faaaar better behaved this time around - and that makes you suspicious.

Thor comes in about halfway through and whispers that he’ll review the recording with you later if you’d like to make sure Rabbit is translating correctly. You thank him, giving his hand on the back of your chair a squeeze. He then pulls a chocolate bar from his pocket and hands it to you.

“For your patience,” He says with a wink before leaving.

“Nice. Didn’t bring us anything.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, ‘course he likes her.”

“I am Groot.”

“I don’t know - you ask her.” Groot looks at you, gesturing from the closed conference room door to you.

“I am Groot.”

“Yes, I like him too. He’s sneakily sweet.”

“I am Groot.”

“No,” Rocket chuckles. “Quill never stood a chance. She likes Bucky, with the arm.”

“I am Groot.”

“I do not have a problem! Mind your own beeswax!” Your sigh draws Rocket’s attention. “Sorry. Sorry,” He holds up his little hands in a surrender gesture. “I’m on my best behavior.”

“And I thank you for that, Rocket. I really do.”

“Yeah...yeah…” He waves his hand again. “Go ahead with your line of questioning.”

“So kind of you, sir,”

“Can the sarcasm, smartass,” He smiles - or grimaces, you can’t tell at the moment - but you do as he asks (tells). But not before giving him a mock salute and continuing with the questions.

“Describe to me, please, how you two met.”

“This one got himself arrested,” Rocket points to Groot. “I happened, through no fault of my own,”

“Of course,” You murmur in agreement.

“To be in the prison they tossed him in. They couldn’t understand him, so I told ‘em he kept asking what the charges were. They told me to shut up and shoved - well, shoved as hard as they could, but he went willingly - into the cell - wait!” He snaps his fingers. “What’s that word? It’s one of your religious-based words to describe an idiot.”

“I am Groot.”

“I agree with Groot, Rocket. He isn’t an idiot.” Groot nods while Rocket rubs under his chin, ears not as perked up as before as he thinks.

“Putty!” Rocket exclaims finally, grinning at you like he’s proud.

“Putty is a compound. I think you’re looking for the word putz. It’s Yiddish and I’m pretty sure it means dick, not an idiot. Yutz means foolish, I think.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, Quill is a putz sometimes. You’re a yutz.”

“I am Groot.”

“I don’t know Yiddish, how am I supposed to know?” Rocket shifts his attention back to you. “You know more Yiddish words? Groot wants a word for informative.” Frowning, you reach for your phone, quickly typing in Yiddish words.

“I don’t see one a non-Jewish person would know...another word maybe, Groot?”

“I am Groot.”

“Confident,” Rocket supplies as you scroll.

“Chutzpah. Nerve, confidence, brazen, gumption.”

“I am Groot.”

“He said that works. He likes it too.”

“Good, I’ll grab a couple of Yiddish dictionaries and we can learn some words together.”

“I am Groot?” You look from Groot to Rocket.

“He said, even in Space?”

“Yeah! I’ll have to ask Tony for a way to talk to you in space since average people don’t have that tech.”

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, yeah - don’t worry, kid, I’ll fix you up with something.” He winks after he says it, sharp little teeth showing as he grins, Groot sporting his own toothy (bark-y?) grin at you.

“More questions alright?”

“Go ahead then,” Rocket gives a wave of his furry hand while Groot nods and settles more comfortably in his chair.

And so you do, with glee igniting in your veins once again.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Drax and Mantis’ joint interview is monitored by Carol, but Drax doesn’t seem to care about who is monitoring him, he just says and does as he pleases. Which includes leaving after he believes his part is done.

“Did you get what you needed?” Carol asks, draped over a black velvet upholstered chair sideways, tapping on her wrist device before pinning you with her intense gaze. You review what he’s answered, tapping the pen against the paper while you purse your lips and go over it again.

“Yeah, I think I have enough. He answered all the big questions...I can just pester him later if I need to. Thank you though.” Carol just nods as Mantis scoots a little closer in her wooden chair, a bright smile on her face.

“You seem much happier today.”

“I’m feeling a little better, thanks.”

“Maybe once you are finished with the hard part of asking us all these questions, it will feel like a weight has been lifted?”

“I’m not sure. This is the biggest project I’ve ever taken on. I think not having a break from the chaos just sort of exacerbates it since I’m usually pretty solitary once I’ve finished interviewing. Just get lost in making it as good as I possibly can. It’s been difficult to do since I have to keep interviewing. I get a break to do a sort of layout, but that’s it. I only managed to get Pepper’s done because it was just...pressing. It just poured out once I finished her interview.”

“Chaos is a good word for it,” Carol comments with a little smile.

“It’s not bad!” You clarify, a bit over eagerly. “I’m just not used to it.”

“None of us are used to it,” Mantis says wisely, hands resting so demurely on her lap as her smile soothes your nerves back down. “We are simply glad to be all together.”

“Without bloodshed,” Carol’s mouth downturns in a sort of comical way. “Mostly without bloodshed.”

“Which I think is appreciated at every family gathering.”

“Yes!” Mantis agrees with enthusiasm.

“Want me to get the murder sisters?”

“Nah. I’ll finish up the interviews tomorrow. That way Pepper can coerce all of you into the group interview Friday and then, um, I’ll leave on Saturday.”

“Now I feel sad,” Mantis’ face falls with her words, reaching out to pat your hand accordingly. Her eyes become more intense as she sifts through your emotions. “We will all miss you too.” You nod numbly, smiling through the tears. That’s when you feel two sets of arms around you.

“I’ll kick Stark’s ass if you aren’t always welcome here. With us,” Carol pauses before squeezing you and Mantis tighter in her grip. “Although we could always take you away to space…”

“You would love space!” Mantis says excitedly, pulling away a little to grin at you.

“Maybe my next vacation should be space. Got any good beaches?”

“We could find you one!”

“Well then, of course, I can’t turn down a vacation in space!”

“Name the time and we’ll try to accommodate,” Carol confirms, laying her cheek against the top of your head.

“No leaving me alone with Quill. Unless you want me to hit him.”

“I say we give the odds to fur face - he’d looooove to see you knock Quill on his ass.” You chuckle, relaxing in their arms. “And I’d love the payout.”

“Carol, sweetie, you won’t be getting a payout. No one is gonna bet on Peter winning. Everyone on the ship can kick his ass.” Drax’s deep laughter booms through the room, drawing all your gazes. He puts another handful of gummy bears in his mouth.

“IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT IS TRUE!” He bellows before shoving his hand back into the bag.

“Why’d you come back?” Carol asks over her shoulder.

“Oh, yes. The woman spider says the writer is needed in her quarters.”

“All good things must end,” Mantis says with a happy sigh, all of you pulling away. Carol hands you your laptop and notebook with a bright smile.

“Cheer up, Charlie.”

“Thank you, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference.”

“I do what I can,” She says with a lighthearted shrug as you all head for the door of the study that Carol had found a few days ago. You take a deep breath as you walk through the door, mentally girding your loins at whatever Natasha has planned for you.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Your patching all of today’s interviews together, trying to make it as cohesive as possible - prepping it for your rewrites and tweaks - after the two hour session with Natasha.

She had wrangled you into a massage chair, tugging your shoes off as a woman who looks like someone Pepper negotiates with daily, comes into the room with a giant metal case. She hadn’t given you an option, she had simply painted your fingers and toes in a sparkly midnight blue, with your middle fingers painted metallic gold. Not something you’d choose for yourself but, honestly, you couldn’t remember a time in the last few years where your hands and feet had both felt so soft.

And while the executive-looking woman had worked, so had Natasha.

Natasha makes it seems as if you are just discussing your life, but it’s an interrogation. A pleasant one if any of the other stories you’ve heard about her are anything to go on… She slips in tidbits on Bucky, what Steve’s told her over the years, several of those little stories making your heart clench. Natasha always makes sure to follow those up with more cheerful or funny ones.

You weren’t born yesterday - you know what she’d been doing. Subtly (or not so) talking Bucky up.

Running your hands through your hair, you try to refocus on the words floating on your screen.

You need to sleep.

Three more interviews. Just three more.

Jesus, where did the time go?

After the three interviews tomorrow, Pepper will orchestrate the group interview with your questions and a handful of submitted ones she somehow got. Pepper and Tony’s methods are like the various branches of the military since the 90s - Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Then you’d be gone. And it wouldn’t matter how wonderful Bucky is...cause he didn’t make a move. And you’re just as lost in your head as he is, second-guessing most everything...so you can’t blame him for not moving forward when you are just as hesitant to get involved in something too good to be true.

There is a soft knock, causing you to pause. Dinner wrapped up almost three hours ago, so you weren’t sure who it could -

Bucky, your mind supplies unhelpfully. You tell that nosy bitch in your head to shut up when lo and behold, in walks Sgt. Barnes himself.

“I couldn’t sleep. Do you, uh, would you like company?” You scrub your hands down your face, save your work and click the laptop closed.

“Yeah, I can’t focus on the screen anymore without going cross-eyed. What did you have in mind?” You lean backward, palms flat and braced on the plush carpet, staring up at the man before you.

And, dear lord, what a man.

You barely stifle a giggle as Whatta Man lyrics start flashing through your thoughts. Bucky qualifies for most of those damn lyrics.

“Whatcha smiling so big for now, doll?”

“I’ll have Wanda explain it to you later.”

“Why can’t you tell me now?”

“Because I don’t want to,” You pout, making him shake his head ruefully.

“Let’s get some sleep, then, since you won’t tell me your secret,” He holds out his hand, lips quirked in a crooked and easy smile. Taking his hand is easy, warm and safe, making you return his smile full force.

You move to the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers and shuffling under, only to be met in the middle with Bucky’s open arms.

“Tell me a secret,” His soft breath moves a few pieces of your hair before his fingers brush them back as you settle in his embrace with a soft sigh.

“My great-grandma’s step-sister was a nurse in WWII and so I grew up cuddling well-worn bears. A Captain America one,” Bucky groans good-naturedly. “A Dum Dum Dugan one. And a Bucky Barnes one too.”

“Not the whole unit?”

“Nah, her kids kept the others. My grandfather was the only boy out the bunch, so he was gifted Captain America’s bear. His sisters got Dum Dum and yours. And since I was the first grandbaby - and was the only one for about seven years - I got all three.”

“I can’t even believe any of those survived the war.”

“You and Steve did - God knows the bears were treated a whole lot better too,” Bucky snorts but tightens his arms around you. “Tell me a secret.”

“I don’t want you to leave the day after tomorrow. I want you to stay.” You pull away enough to look him in the eye, emotion making your throat tighten.

“What would happen if I did?”

“Dinner. Dancing. I could be convinced to throw in a couple of kisses,” You sigh over-dramatically, snuggling back in his arms.

“I don’t really know how to dance.”

“I could teach you.”

“For a couple kisses?”

“Holding you close is more than enough payment, doll.”

“Ah-ha! You say that now but once I’ve stepped on your toes for the tenth time, you might feel different.”

“Even my toes got the super serum. They’ll be fine.”

“Tell me a secret,” You try again.

“You scare me.”

“Bucky, I am the least scary person in this entire compound.”

“That’s what makes you the scariest. You’re the softest, most caring and gentle-hearted person...but feisty. Quiet but strong. All in this pretty and shy little package. All that adds up to a truly dangerous person.” You can hear him swallow, his heart beating quickly in his chest at his confession. “Tell me a secret.”

“I want to stay,” You whisper against his chest, a stray tear escaping from your eye to be quickly absorbed by the pillow.

“Then stay, doll,” Bucky whispers against your hair before he presses a soft kiss atop your head. “Stay with me.”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

When you wake up, Bucky is gone.

You push down the unease at waking up to an empty bed before dragging your ass out of bed.

The shower is over quickly, blow-drying your hair lightly to help along the drying process before getting ready to plonk down in your customary spot when you pause, your stomach growling loudly.

“Okay then, breakfast before working today…”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

“I am Groot.”

“No, flowers ain’t gonna help.” Rocket heads into the kitchen after Scott, Groot following behind.

“I am Groot.”

“He’s got a point there.” Bruce and Rhodey stare at Thor. “Oh, right. He said a puppy might work…” Thor nods as he strokes his beard.

“Help what?” You ask, startling the trio as you enter the lab with Valkyrie, Peter, and Vision.

All five of their gazes drop or wander upward to the walls.

Uh-oh.

“What is it?”

“Well, see, uh - we got a call about a small arms deal by the Canadian border,” Rhodey answers, leaning his hip against the table.

“Uh-huh.”

“So, um, Steve, Clint, Tony, Natasha and, um,” Bruce stumbles over his words, looking at Thor then Rhodey.

“Bucky,” You supply as Bruce nods.

“Yes. They all went.”

“They left already?” They all hear the disappointment in your voice.

“I am Groot.” Groot holds out a piece of paper for you, smiling softly down at you.

“Thank you.” You unfold the paper, noticing Bucky’s neat handwriting.

Babydoll -

It’s just a quick mission. We’ll be back hopefully by tomorrow afternoon.

I’m so sorry.

Just - just promise me you’ll stay until I get back.

Please?

Promise I’ll be safe.

And I’ll owe you [1] good night’s sleep, doll.

-- Bucky

You fold the letter, tucking it into your pant’s pocket.

“You need a drink!” Valkyrie soothes happily, shooing you from the room with Thor and Rhodey following behind.

“It’s not even 9 am!” Scott shouts, following behind with an eye roll and head shake.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah. Hey, Bruce, where do we find a puppy around this planet? Is there a shop?”

“First off - I’m not sure about the puppy. Secondly - we do not shop at pet stores. They’re usually from puppy mills. Need to look at reputable places to adopt.”

“Good. Show us those then,” Bruce groans as Rocket jumps onto the table by his laptop.

“Fine.”

“I am Groot.”

“That’s true. He might need a friend to keep him company.”

“Dear lord…” Bruce huffs as he typed in local dog adoption places in New York before his face softens at all the little doggy faces that flash across the screen.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

You’re going to leave. You aren’t going to come back. After this morning, you won’t want anything to do with them. Especially him. Bucky shoves the dark voice back deep down as he glares down at his plate.

“You look real nice in the mornings,” Quill says loudly around a mouthful of waffles, gesturing with his fork at your hair. Bucky bites back a growl, shoving the majority of his omelet into his mouth in one go.

“Thank you,” Your voice has an edge of curtness, but still polite...totally unnoticed by Quill.

“Of course, I’m just bein’ honest,” He continues, smiling widely at you before shooting you a wink, which makes Bucky snap his fork in half. He tosses it in the sink with a huff before grabbing another, fighting the urge to stab Star-Dumbass with the new fork.

“Listen, Peter, I’m not interested. Thank you for the compliments but right now I’m just not in the mood to deal with your whole ‘trying to get laid constantly’ bullshit.” Steve nearly chokes on the piece of sausage he’s eating at your words, T’Challa giving him a hard thump between his shoulders as he tries to hide a smile.

“Every time I think, well, I don’t think I can like her any more than I already do - she makes me. Go on, tell him how you really feel,” Sam’s warm chuckle seems to reassure you, Bucky watching your shoulders relax a little.

“Let’s hurry up everyone - the video photographer will be here within the hour.” Bucky nods at Pepper’s words, shoving his last forkful of eggs in his mouth and grabbing his shitty cup of coffee. Even though it was the fanciest coffee Tony could buy, it was crap compared to the coffee you’d been making him. You’d showed him how to work the machine but he knew it wouldn’t be the same.

He had talked himself out of sneaking into your room late Sunday evening. Of nuzzling an unheard apology against your shoulder before gathering you tightly in his arms, fully prepared to grovel come the morning.

Bucky knew you wouldn’t want him to grovel. When he had mentioned it in his mind, you had nearly punched him. He’d easily had kissed away the flash of anger, happy to soak up the ease he always felt in your presence.

Bucky shakes himself out of his dreams, willing himself not to think of the memory of your bare legs wrapped around his and your warmth as you two were pressed so tightly together.

Now you’re seated on the couch beside Shuri, plate balanced on the tops of your legs as you finish working your way through the huge pancake you have left, and giggling at a picture she’s showing you on her phone with Clint leaning over your shoulder to peer down at it too.

Pepper and Happy had wrangled you into staying an extra two days since the mission ran over, and she still wanted desperately to give you the video interview and glamor shots of all of them for your going away present.

Which Bucky wasn’t going to think about.

“Hey.” Bucky looks startled for a second before he nods at Shuri. “Do you want what’s left? I can’t finish it.” Bucky shakes his head at the question, but nerves kept him from really enjoying his breakfast. He watches as you lean back on your hands, the mauve shirt your wearing riding up just a bit above where your black leggings sat. Teasing him with the tiniest peek of skin.

He commits the image to memory, knowing you’ll be trying to leave on the jet when this interview concludes… He also knows that Tony, Steve, and the others will all convince you to stay for lunch at the very least. He knows you’ll accept - you’re too sweet to deny such a request. His sweet, smartass, torturous babydoll.

“Okay, the stylists are here! Remember to dress nice but not gala event/black tie nice!” Pepper barks as she takes the plate away from Rhodey, shooing him towards the small army of men and women standing just inside the living area as he sighs heavily. Bucky isn’t the only one to notice you slip Rhodey a piece of toast with jam, nodding towards were the trays of mimosas were on the counter with a big smile.

‘I love you, kid,’ Rhodey mouths, grabbing a flute of spiked orange juice and taking a healthy bite of toast as his stylist guides him from the room.

When the gentleman assigned to him came to get him, Bucky silently trailing after him, not noticing the sad, longing gaze you shoot him as you watch him leave.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Lunch is a lot jollier than they all feel, trying to send you out on a high note.

It’s lighthearted and full of laughter as you all drag out this time as much as possible, making you look around and finally take the time to truly appreciate the expensive wallpaper of this room, the actually silver silverware that glimmered dimly in the natural light - as if it doesn’t want to draw attention to its elevated status.

Your gaze has circled the room innumerable times since sitting down, each time slower than the last, soaking in every minute detail of the group of people around you.

Thirty wonderful beings sit around the long, long table around you - beings who had opened their lives, their pasts, and their homes to you in the past two weeks. They’d given you nicknames, built little inside jokes with you, and (mostly) given you their trust; knowing you aren’t going to use the information given against them.

You’ve caught Bucky’s gaze twice so far with your roaming looks, with each time more heart-wrenching than the last. You have so much you want to say and he seems to be trying to communicate the same to you with those storm blue eyes pouring out every emotion from the last two and a half weeks in their depths.

And you’re trying not to bawl from those drowning blue eyes fastened resolutely to you.

So you keep talking. And nodding along. And laughing...because, if you don’t, you don’t know what you’ll do. Yes, you do, you’ll break. Thanks, inner monologue!

You lean over the arm, showing Peter a TikTok video of a girl howling and her cat mimicking her, Shuri hanging over Peter’s shoulder to watch it before you all let out a little howl as it replays. Gamora is on your left side, Carol beside her, as Gamora whispers something from the interview - making all three of you burst out laughing.

You think about your purse, already settled on the jet, with your messy notebook carefully placed inside...basic stats were long forgotten in all the wonderful personal things you’ve discovered along the way. How Drax has a thing for gummy bears and chocolate pop-tarts. How Nebula tried to shoot Clint’s bow and almost broke it by pulling it back too hard. Pepper keeping chili chocolate bars in her desk drawer for a long day in the office. Peter talking to DUM-E just like Tony does, the three of them lost in stuttered conversations late at night. Rocket napping cuddled up under Groot’s arm in the garden.

“We’ll miss you,” Tony hides behind a tight smile after he draws everyone’s attention with his words. “And I’ve loved the emotion.” You can’t fight back the tears anymore, your lip quivering as you nod, nails digging into your palm to stave off the sobs.

“Big picture,” You affirm with a watery smile.

“Big picture,” Tony agrees as he gives you the most heartbreaking smile. By now, there was no more Iron Man between you...just Tony Stark doing his best by his adopted family.

“Boss, the jet has begun its standby. Ready for Miss Y/N.” The only sounds after that are soft shuffles as everyone seems to shift and tense at the AI’s words, reality settling even more harshly around the room.

“Thank you FRIDAY.” He seems to whisper, but it comes out louder because of the silence the room is ensconced in. “At least we added a few more AFI 100 Greatest titles to your list. Got you some new duds,” Tony stands up and everyone follows suit. “Got you a nifty new hair cut,” You can hear some chuckles behind you as you all head out of the mess hall. “Anything you’d like to let me know before you go, kiddo?”

You nearly run into Rhodey’s back as he stops just inside the hanger, dreading 30 goodbyes.

“Invite Wong and Strange over more often - I know, I know,” You hold up a hand in a stop sign. “Even if they decline. Gamora needs more fruit to tempt Nebula with to be less stabby on long missions and Nebula now, surprisingly, loves those chocolate-covered blueberries, so those as well. Gamora also needs a few more t-shirts since she loved the one I gave her from the store you have a tab at - the black, extra soft t-shirt one? Carol won’t admit it, but she needs to be asked to visit here more too. I know she’s busy, you all are, but asking is sometimes just as important as the actual visiting.”

“FRIDAY and I are making a list, don’t worry. Continue.”

“Steve and Bucky deserve a dog. There are more than enough people to help take care of it - take the stick out a little on the dog matter. Please. Make Clint drink something not caffeinated. And don’t make Natasha be the one to make Clint do it. Add a little salt lick or something out in the clearing for the deer. Don’t let Shuri attempt to hijack Redwing when she leaves, it’ll upset Sam. Make Steve eat a few Oreos. I don’t care how, but I would enjoy the video evidence. Go easier on Peter when needed, he’d trying to do his best and live up to you. T’Challa needs to let loose some too, go hang out in a giant donut together. Okoye needs some Starbucks delivered sometimes - the sweeter, the better. Have family-style dinners more often. Invite everyone, even if they can’t come. And get some fucking sleep, Tony.”

“Is that all?”

“Have Scott do your Christmas lights at the Tower. I’ll come ‘cause I know it’ll be hilarious and beautiful. Let them babysit Morgan more - she’s in the safest hands. Put a damn cover or grate or something over your incinerator pit!”

“Now, see, little miss writer, usually it does, per law. It had been emptied into the fields and hauled off to the vineyard and it hadn’t been put back before dark. Check that one off your mile-long list.”

“Just keep doing what you all are doing. And thank you, thank you all for everything you’ve done.” You fight back tears again, huffing out a deep breath, focusing on Tony before you. “And Bucky and Steve deserve a dog. Oh, and tell DUM-E I’ll write to him.”

“Noted,” Tony snorts at the DUM-E comment before grumbling, reaching forward to pull you quickly and tightly against his chest. “See you later, sweetness. You’re welcome here anytime.”

Pepper steps in when Tony steps away, inhaling a shaky breath as you wrap your arms around the red-head.

Wanda is next, kissing one cheek and then another before hugging you tighter than you were hugging her.

“Mici sărutări pentru tine în această după-amiază.”

“Little kisses to you too, Y/N. Take care.”

T’Challa wraps his arms around your shoulders, squeezing you gently before Shuri throws her arms around you as well.

“Say hi to Nakia and your mother for me, please.”

“Of course,” T’Challa agrees immediately before stepping away to reveal Sam, holding up a crisp $20 bill.

“You were right…” Sam grins out as you pocket the money before wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him to you.

“I usually am,” You reply with some cockiness, pulling away slightly before you feel his lips against your cheek.

“Stay outta trouble.”

“I was just about to say that to you!” You chuckle out before you feel Peter’s tight embrace nearly smothering you. But, you know, in a good way. “I’ll miss you too, Peter. Next time I’m here we need to go have one of those Spider-Man ice creams.”

“And I can introduce you to Aunt May.” He pulls away with a bright smile, making you cup his face.

“I’d love that, Peter.”

Scott steps up next. “Ya know, in prison, we got hit by the biggest, meanest guy as a goodbye. All in good spirits, of course.”

“Of course,” You agree with a serious nod. “But don’t worry, I think the girls like me too much to hit me.”

“Oooh. I see how it is. Praise my lighting skills and - well, I mean, you aren’t wrong.” A wiggle of your eyebrows makes him shake his head before hugging you tightly, giving your back a few hard pats before squeezing you.

“I just told Sam that.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” He mutters before he delivers another squeeze, backing out of the way for Gamora.

“I know a couple of beaches...you finish up with these articles and barring anything stupid from that one,” She gestures her head to Quill who shoots you two an unconvincing ‘Who Me?’ look, rolling her eyes before continuing. “We’ll come kidnap you for a break.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll bring some fruit and some junk food.”

“Deal!” Drax bellows out behind Gamora, picking you up from the ground as he squeezes you before promptly putting you down. “Goodbye, author.”

“Goodbye, destroyer,” You boop his nose before Steve clears his throat behind him.

“Don’t be a stranger, beautiful.” You feel small in his embrace, digging your nails into his shoulders to bury your face against his chest, letting a couple of tears fall against his dark blue shirt before he kisses the top of your head and let’s go.

Wong is next, giving you a brief hug before stepping back and giving you a small bow, which you return with a smile.

Clint pops up, gathering your hands in his.

“Our time together has been so special to me,” You roll your eyes playfully. “Thank you for not being one of those rabid journalists and for always thinking of me in black thong.”

“It’s an image I will always treasure, Clint. And I’ve tried to be as unrabid as possible for you.”

“Marry me already.”

“Pencil me in.”

“Will do, calendar girl,” He concludes with a wink, handing you off to Hope, who runs a hand over your hair before sliding her hand down your arm and pulls you into a tight embrace. She doesn’t say anything - much like Pepper - just holds you in her arms.

Rhodey is next, kissing your forehead before tucking you into a hug.

“Thanks for everything. I’ll let the Roomba know you think of him too,” You sputter out a laugh, slightly muffled against his shoulder.

“I’ll think of him often. Maybe you if I have the time.”

“That’s appreciated, you little shit.”

“Thanks, Colonel. I try.” Rhodey scoffs, gently pushing you towards Quill with a stern look shot at the outlaw.

“I wish we’d had more time together,” Quill begins, his face soft and open, as he shakes your hand. “I see now you just wanted to get to know me. Un-romantically.”

“What tipped you off?” He moves forward for a quick hug.

“I love a smart-ass though.”

“If your hand so much as moves a millimeter down Quill…”

“Several people would attempt to break my hand.”

“Starting with me,” You chuckle as he squeezes your right shoulder, dropping it with a small grin to move aside for Vision.

“I shall miss you and all your questions.”

“I’ll email you some, just so you don’t get too sad.”

“I would like that.”

“Take care, Vision.”

“You too.” Happy is next, straightening his suit jacket as he steps forward, a soft smile breaking on his face just for you.

“Kid, you’ve been interesting.”

“I’m glad you’ve had time to come to terms with my boring nature, Hap.”

“Next time you’re here, I’ll buy you a churro,” You sniffle lightly against his jacket as he hugs you.

“Take care of them,” You beg, unashamed.

“Always.”

Bruce is fidgeting with something in his hand before presenting it, a little black box.

“Open it.” He gestures to the box, Rocket standing beside him with his arms crossed. Nestled in the box is a half glass sphere with a silver base, about the size of your palm as you cradle it in your hand.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, we used the piece DUM-E gave to you to help build it.”

“And this is for our language lessons and my interrogations?”

“I am Groot.”

“I love it! Thank you all so much.” You carefully hold it out for Rocket, who flips it upside down and shows you what to push.

“Red means we aren’t on the ship. Black means we’re busy, ya know, being Guardians or stealing,”

“Rocket!” Gamora hisses, frowning at him.

“And blue,” Rocket continues, completely unperturbed. “Means you’re good to pester us.” You kneel in front of Rocket.

“Bring it in, you yutz.” He rolls his eyes but complies, patting your sides in return.

“I am Groot!” He says loudly as he wraps his arms around the two of you, cradling you both against his chest.

“I am Groot,” You repeat, making Rocket chuckle.

‘That was completely correct, kid. Good job.” Groot set you down, Rocket climbing up onto his shoulder as Groot gives you a little pink flower and a smile.

“Thank you, Bruce,” You lean forward and kiss his cheek before his arms wrap around you.

“Don’t be a stranger. You can call us with that too. The yellow color will connect you to the lab - whichever one we’re in,” Bruce hugging you lightly then nodding.

“Okay,” You manage, fighting back another wave of tears.

“Goodbye, little writer,” Strange gives you a tight smile before he gives a quick hug, moving to make room for Mantis.

“I will make sure to call you. To make sure you take a break from the rest of the writing,” She beams at you before you two embrace. She steps away and Nebula is behind her, holding out her hand. As you give it a firm shake, she yanks you forward for a stiff hug and a rough pat on the back.

“I will tell the fox to send your calls to me about the fruit,” You hold up a finger with a bright smile, withdrawing a small bag of chocolate-covered blueberries.

“For you,” You lean in, “I also put some chocolate-covered espresso beans and dried mango slices in that compartment you showed me on the ship by Gamora’s room.” Her serious gaze shifts from your face to the blueberries and then gives a sharp nod at your whispered words.

“As you should,” She jokes, face so serious if you hadn’t spent most of two days with her, you might have missed it - which just makes you smile all the wider.

Okoye hugs you after Nebula moves out of the way, bag tucked securely in her grip as Drax and Rocket peer down at her goodies.

“Remember me and Olenna.”

“Wakandan sunsets are on my bucket list now.”

“And you will see it. Uxolo lube nawe, sihlobo.” [Peace be with you, friend.]

“Did you just call me a friend? Cause that’s the only word I semi-recognized…” She presses her forehead against yours.

“Yes, friend. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Okoye. Yomelela ngonaphakade.” [Strong forever.] She pulls away with a chuckle. “Hey - I tried! Was it wrong?”

“No,” Shuri says from behind you, “It was good.”

“Princess approved!” You laugh out as Okoye hugs you tightly.

Carol is next, her arms spread wide for you to walk into. “Cheer up, Charlie.”

“Give me a smile.”

“Let that sunshine show!” Carol skips a few lines as her thumbs come up to wipe away the few tears that have managed to slip out unbidden. But you do as she asks and smile through it all.

“Stop making her cry!” Natasha admonishes, tapping on Carol’s shoulders to cut in. She raises an eyebrow before pulling you close. “I’m gonna miss you,” She says this part loud enough for everyone to hear, leaning in closer to whisper the next part - so low even the super-soldiers wouldn’t be able to hear. You hoped. “You and Barnes are gonna be the cutest couple. Name your firstborn after me.”

“I already promised Valkyrie that honor,” You whisper back, watching her pull away and only catching the end of her eye roll.

“You’re always welcome here for interrogation and nail painting.”

“My feet are still so soft - it’s amazing!” Natasha shrugs.

“I know.” Natasha tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and goes behind you to join the others.

“My little rose,” Thor begins, his hug tight and bear-like, lifting you from the ground. “I am sad to see you go. Sad that we did not get to know each other better.” You shake your head at the drop in his tone.

“I guess Brunhilde mentioned her offer to you.”

“Oh, yes,” He confirms with a wide-cheeked grin.

“Both of you are little shits.”

“Oh, yes,” He agrees, the smile never leaving his handsome face, blue eyes full of mirth. You brace your hands on his forearms, kissing his bearded cheek.

“I’m going to miss you, warrior Pikachu of Point Break.” He groans before hugging you again, this one leaving your feet planted on the floor.

“My turn!” Valkyrie shoos Thor, kissing one cheek and then the other before cupping your face in her hands. “My offer stands,” And she fucking winks at you before brushing her lips gently over yours. Your fingers brush over your lips afterward, looking at her with eyes as big as saucers. Her laughter echoes in your ears as she hugs you, her grip is tight around you but comforting.

“You are the weirdest juxtaposition...but I’ll keep your offer in mind. Far in the back of my mind, but there.”

“Good! Come visit New Asgard, I’ll give you a grand tour.”

“Okay, okay - calm down, sister!” Tony shouts as Valkyrie winks again, leaving Bucky standing before you. Of course, he had to be the last…

“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep the same without you, doll.”

“Ditto, Sarge. No sugar cubes?” He rubs the back of his neck before dropping his hand, biting his bottom lip.

“Nah, you’re sweet enough,” You move forward, nearly closing the space between the two of you.

“My soft, handsome, thoughtful, smart dumbass…” Bucky closes the rest of the space between you, metal fingers sliding around to the back of your neck.

“I’m gonna miss you so damn much, babydoll,” He whispers against your lips, his flesh hand cupping your cheek. His lips press oh so innocently against yours, a tightness in your chest as you sink your fingers into his hair and press his lips closer, feeling his smile at the action. When he pulls away, he links his flesh fingers with yours and throws the vibranium one around your shoulder. Pulling you as close as possible, he kisses your forehead and then the top of your head when you drop your forehead against his shoulder. “Safe travels.” He whispers before stepping away with a nod, hearing your sniffles as you hurriedly climb aboard the jet.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

2 WEEKS LATER

“What do you mean the Avengers jet is here for me?” You ask the person on the phone for what seems like the nineteenth time but is probably only the third. “I just don’t understand...aren’t they in Siberia or something?” Amelina looks at you quizzically as she comes into the tiny office space you share with two giant cups of iced coffee, slipping into your desk chair as she listens in. Nosy.

“No - I understand what you’re saying, I just don’t understand why? It’s been two weeks, we’ve only posted one interview after I left. Carol’s will be posted tonight at 7 pm EST… I just-just don’t understand WHY?” You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Yes, I can be ready within the hour. Thank you.”

“Oooh - they want you back so soon! Well, I bet a certain blue-eyed soldier at least…”

“Yeah. Whatever. He hasn’t texted, called, emailed, hologrammed, carrier pigeon-ed...nada. The whole thing between us is the equivalent of Sandy and Danny at the beach. Summer lovin’. And now it’s fall.” You take the lighter colored ice coffee with the caramel drizzle, taking a hearty sip as you rest your rear against your desk edge. “And now I gotta go pack for whatever the heck this is. Jesus... I swear I cried the whole way home.”

“And the day after. And while you were proof-reading Thor’s interview before posting it.” Amelina ticks her fingers off as she goes. Ass. “While we were going over Carol’s. When someone sent an email about Pepper’s. When you were picking out pictures to go along with the stories...I don’t see how you have any tears left at all. You’re just so damn sensitive.”

“I can’t believe you’re still so blase about my anguish. What a friend you are!”

Amelina tosses her long black hair over her shoulder with an eye roll. “Listen,” She peers down at her watch. “You’ve got forty-five minutes left to get ready!” The traitor sing-songs with a bright smile.

You return her bright smile.

“Guess that means you’re holding down the fort again! All by your lonesome!” You chuckle before wrapping your lips around the straw once more, bending over to pick up your purse from under your desk. “Hasta la vista!”

“You’re a little shit, do you know that?!”

“It’s been mentioned!” You call over your shoulder, heels clicking down the hall with your thoughts running a million miles at the possibilities of what this means.

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

When the jet lands at the compound, Bucky is a ball of nerves.

He’s been carefully planning since you left and it’s taken this long to muster up the damn courage to execute it.

The compound was mostly empty - operating with a skeleton crew - so Bucky didn’t feel as foolish standing in the hanger bay for the last couple hours letting his nerves suffocate him.

And when you step off the jet, it takes his breath away. God, you’re gorgeous.

He waits until you’re halfway across the hanger before stepping from his spot, smiling through the butterflies and moths fluttering chaotically in his belly. “Hey, doll.” Dear God, your eyes widening and the little gasp that accompanies it made his chest tighten.

“Your hair, Bucky! I love it!” Bucky runs his vibranium fingers through his newly shorn locks, neck and cheeks flushing under your scrutiny. “Is this - is this your calendar outfit?” He watched you take in his outfit. “God, you look even better than I imagined!”

“Th-thank you, gorgeous.” Bucky gestures you towards the door, following a little too closely behind.

“How far do I go?”

“All the way to the living room, please.”

“Oh, Bucky.” You were born to break him, he was sure of it. How you said his name - fuck, he was a goner. Bucky moves so his chest is nearly brushing against your back, inhaling the scent of your perfume like he’d been itching for it.

“I owe you a couple of dates. Some dancing. And a few good night’s sleep.”

“Is this how you treat all the girls you like? Show them some woodland creatures, make them cookies, reel them in with those big blue eyes, toss them to what you hope is safety, run off to go keep civilians safe, and then make a romantic dinner with all the trappings?”

“No. Most women will look at me but once they recognize who I am, they aren’t very interested anymore. And we both know - you aren’t most women. Plus I’m not interested in picking up any other women. Just my babydoll.” You turn to face him with those kissable lips pursed slightly.

“You know, Sergeant, speaking of picking up - I think I should pick you up and toss you into the trash bin, just to be fair.” You’re grinning when you say it, which lightens all the flutters currently in his belly and makes him automatically smile back.

“I don’t think you could pick me up, doll,” He chuckles out, gesturing towards the plush red upholstered chair closest to you both while he lets you lead.

“You don’t think I can pick you up?” Her eyebrow arch high as he shakes his head ‘no’ as he pulls out the chair and waits for you to sit before taking his own across the little wooden table. “Is that a dead rabbit in your mouth? ‘Cause you’re a fox.” His forehead furrows as he pours you both some wine.

“What - what are you doing?” He chuckles out, his eyes watching yours dance with mirth.

“Obviously I’m trying to pick you up, Sergeant,” You fucking wink at him when you finish saying that before leaning a little towards him, reaching for the wine glass. “Do you need more convincing?”

“Bring it, beautiful.”

“Was your dad a boxer? Because, baby, you’re a knockout.” Bucky’s heart stutters when she calls him baby, especially the way you say it, with your eyes twinkling but there is a hint of uncertainty there...one he needs to chase away.

“Can I follow you home? My ma told me to follow my dreams,” Bucky purrs out, watching her smile widen before her head tilts just so.

“Bucky - what is this?”

“Well, so far I got dating, dancing, sleeping...Hell - I’ll throw in some kisses too.” Bucky reaches across the small table, flesh palm face-up, anxiety riddling his thoughts now. “I wanna date you. I wanna cook with you. I want you to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see in the morning. I want to hear you singing and watch you stick your tongue out when you concentrate on finding the right word or the right angle for your pictures. I’ll even pretend you don’t have ice cold feet in bed.” Your fingers tangling with his is pure magic even Dr. Strange couldn’t conjure.

“Well, are you going to come over here and kiss me or leave me hanging?”

Bucky nearly topples the chair he was just sitting in, in his haste to get around the table. His metal fingers feel cool against the warmth of your skin, his thumb stroking along your jawline as he leans in slowly, gently bumping his nose against yours before pressing his lips against yours softly. So softly. When you press against his lips a little more firmly, he takes it to mean more. So he gives it to you - his tongue gently pressing it against the seam of your lips, the both of you giving a little sigh as you open for him. God, you taste amazing. His other hand cups the back of your head, leaving you nowhere to go while he plunders your sweet mouth. Not that either of you has plans to go anywhere now. He can taste the tang of the wine and something he bets is distinctly you as your tongues meet, a soft groan escaping him at the reality that hits him just then. You’re his girl now. You press a hand gently to his chest and he reluctantly pulls away but rests his forehead against yours since he can’t bear not to be touching you right now.

“Stay with me,” Bucky whispers, barely pulling his face away from yours.

“You’re pretty good at convincing.”

“I made cookies.” He offers with a smirk.

“You think I am so easy?”

“I’m that easy for you.”

“Well, then...that’s perfectly okay. Sold, Mr. Barnes.”

::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx:::xxxxxxxxxx::

Tagging: @jewelofwinter @sgtjbuccky @jaamesbbarnes @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @unleashthemidnight @stay-frosty-royal-unicorn @chelsea072498 @clockworkmorningglory @sakurablossom4 @marichromatic @blondecoffeecake @ourloveisforthelovely @whinywingedwinchester @feelmyroarrrr @rowdyhooliganism @everythingisoverrated @iloveyouthreethousand-o6 @puddinsqueen @emotionallysalty @maraudingmarauder @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @strangersstranger @thefridgeismybestie @transcendent-heroes @jotink78

A/N: Found the pic online and edited it, props to Google and all rights/privileges/ownership goes to who took the photo and to Marvel who made up all these characters.

===== THE END! THANKS FOR READING MY FIRST LITTLE SERIES!! =====

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hobohumanitarian6 · 4 years

Text

This is a long post so please be warned!!! I need to get some things off my chest....

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING POSSIBLE⚠️

Feedback to this post is open-ended. You cannot offend me and will not be blocked.

⭐ So here's the thing: one of my late grandmother's friends just posted that her 29 year old son died in his sleep with seemingly no explanation. This really shook me I guess. For one, I used to hang out with this kid during the summers a lot. My specific memories are very vague, but deep in my consciousness I know that I have called him friend in the past. For another, many things lately have been prompting me to ask the difficult questions ie

Why in the fuck am I here?

What's the meaning of it all?

When is my life going to get better?

How do I prepare myself for better things?

Am I blocking me or is something else blocking me?

What am I doing wrong that the universe doesn't think I'm ready for a new chapter?

Am I really with the right person?

What about the afterlife?

Am I going to be silenced or speak out?

What if I can't do some of things I want/dreamed of?

What is going to satisfy me if my future doesn't go as planned?

⭐ I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching through all of this, established the framework of the person I want to be and

BAM! 🧱 💥 🏃🏻‍♀️

Straight into a fucking. Brick. Wall.

⭐ I am in one of the worst continental states in the US (by even statistic) and before all of the shutdown and pandemic began, I had plans to be relocated with my new job, a place to call home & reunited with family by June 1st. Clearly that didn't happen....

⭐ I am spending $900 a month for a 250 ft² motel room just so I am not out on the streets.

Homelessness. Can we talk about that for a second? People getting arrested for being out past curfew because they don't have a place to go, put in jail because they're in the way, not tested or treated for the virus because they generally have no insurance, giving people loads of food stamps so the emergency assistance funding is broke-

600 dollars of groceries is a lot if you have a fridge, freezer, microwave, oven, toaster, etc not if you have to buy your food from overpriced convenience stores and gas stations and fresh food from grocery stores that 70% of the price is for the packaging it comes with!!

Soup kitchens closing because they don't want to risk contamination. Who's feeding those without a hot meal? Do they realize malnourishment is the quickest way to get sick with any pathogen!?

Shelters closed because of overpopulation. Domestic violence homes turning battered women and children away because there's too scarce of resources and funding. Yet people care about big corporations going bankrupt? Please tell me what the difference is between a goddamn human fucking life and a couple lawsuits because you didn't know how to prepare for an ever-changing economy.

Thank the universe i am sheltered with minimal resources to take care of myself and I have a steady job due to an enormous company's "chance on a down-in-the-dumps contractor." This job I have held steadily for a year despite chronic health issues has been the best thing to happen to me by far in a long time. I am definitely not by any means complaining about my job or that I even have life necessities right now. Several million don't have that.

⭐ The problem with this state is there are no resources for a person who's struggling to make an honest living. I lost my apartment two years ago because I had to take a medical leave of absence at my job then, got behind on rent and was evicted without a chance to catch up. The power was cut three nights before I had to leave, and I owe a deposit on the electric company to get any type of service back in my name. The realty company who owns the apartment complex will not allow a payment plan without a fraction of the principle paid down, so therefore I cannot apply for private or realty housing and I have been on the waiting list for federal housing assistance for 3 years without a single word. I also had my bank card stolen with my ID when I was trying to catch a bus to work a few weeks after that so whoever it was made small purchases that my bank applied interest and late charges to so that is also standing in debt. Thank universe my current employer allows direct deposit to a savings account at a bad credit institution or I'd be royally fucked.

⭐ Before I made the hard decision to doll out almost a G a month just for a room, I tried sleeping in my pickup. I even took the effort to pallet it for a platform bed & make benches to live in free campgrounds, cemeteries, truck stops, boonie dead ends, and behind abandoned buildings. I had a 12V converter that I connected to a rice cooker and made a tin can stove to grill small portions of meat on a single-egg mini skillet. I kept getting chased off by rangers, cops, annoying people trying to do crack and not get their lives better, and eventually violently detained for "suspicious activity" - I was thrown on the ground, put in handcuffs, patted down by a male officer with no female present, searched my vehicle without consent & written a citation: this was 2 am, I had a campsite reservation, I was clearly sleeping & my vehicle was current. The officers did not give me their name or numbers so I could not make a report.

⭐ I have chronic health issues - hip dysplasia & hyper mobility (not severe enough to be EDS), anemia, rexhia (NOT PRO ANYTHING), pre diabetes, H.S, BPD, PTSD, endometriosis & chronic migraines. I have filed time and time and time again for medical assistance but have always been denied. Every time I try to see a doctor, they claim I have this-or-that infection caused by this-or-that disorder, sent to an overpriced pharmacy with illness-irritating antibiotics that just keep me in an unending cycle of flares and barely-managable pain. Do not let anyone privileged or wealthy confuse you - you are not treated the same if you don't have coverage. Sorry to say but it is indeed a fact.

⭐ With this job I work 40-50 hours a week, eat as healthy as I can on a dime sized budget, and cover all my expenses. Yet I cannot move forward in this state on to better things. I want so badly to have a family, to go to college, etc but I cannot do this with living month to month someplace that isn't even my own.

⭐ The emotional affect this has had on me is tremendous. I am embarrassed of my situation, and never allow any guests in fear they'd judge me. I never take any photographs, which is heartbreaking because it has been one of my long-time hobbies. I am extremely guarded and I lie about small details to protect myself. I have severe trust issues and I always hold a dagger at my waist because I have to assume any minute you'll pull out a Glock.

⭐ Naturally I am an empath and this has brought me more compassion and understanding than I ever thought possible. The police brutality against people of color and racism in socio-economic programs truly breaks my heart because as a white female and all the struggles and discrimination I've endured, I can only begin to understand it's 1000x harder for people of color especially. I stand behind your protests 100%. I beseech you, go fight for what you deserve! I will be begging higher powers for your protection indefinitely!

⭐ I have gained a new perspective on non-profit organizations and volunteer work. Some are truly amazing and their stories move people to tears; others are truly wicked stealing from the poor, embezzling cash flow for their own vanities. Please please please research the charity you are interested in thoroughly before getting involved. Volunteer work will always be appreciated- and will teach you many invaluable lessons. If you help these organizations and need help yourself: respect yourself, hold yourself high, and ask for the assistance. They will generally be more inclined to help. If you are turned away, try not to be bitter. Administrators only do as they see fit.

⭐ That's another thing - bitterness. This has been the most vile and roughest character default I've ever had to battle with myself. When you've been through the shit and you can't see the sewer (sts) it's so easy to stay in the dumps. It's so easy to feel entitled because you've clawed your way to the top. It's easy to feel angry with everyone because it's you vs the system. It's so fucking easy to give up completely and stop trying and just lay down and die. It's easy to step in front of a two ton bus, oncoming freight train, taking the entire package of extra strength Excedrin not because you have a migraine, but just not to feel a thing, go completely numb for one single second. It's easy to go down to the head shop and get a nickel bag of weed to chill and get a 5$ pizza and forget you have responsibilities.

IT'S SO FUCKING TOUGH MAN

⭐ Growing up strictly religious, I tend to shy away from Christianity or other "preachy religion" now. I hate having Jesus shoved down my throat at a service before a hot meal on a Tuesday night and the "speaker" automatically assuming I need to stop smoking crack and going to jail and get my life back on track and God will bless me when I'm in the 46% who has never been to county and hold a job while trying to get back on my feet.

ADDICTION IS NOT POVERTY GUYS

I still support people who go to church and speak in tongues if that satisfies them. I still support people who are strictly vegetarian and make a pilgrimage to the mecca if that satisfies them. I still support people who have 7 two week long feasts a year for something that happened 4000 years ago if that satisfies them. I still support people who believe in baptisms for the dead and not drinking coffee if that satisfies them. I still support people who call Jesus the Nazarene and believe that Lucifer the Dark Lord will prevail if that satisfies them. I still support people who call down the power of the moon into their plant babies and give thanks to the triple goddess if that satisfies them. I support religion or practices of all kinds.

I believe I was meant to be tolerant and be good to others. That this life will give back what you put in. That there is a higher power that governs all and it is up to you to determine just what that is to you. Not to tell people what is wrong with their lives just based on your personal story.

⭐ During this pandemic, I have done a lot of soul searching. Journaling, listening to podcasts, listening to seminars on values I'd never know existed, trying to discover who I am. This journey has included empathy training, reiki, yoga, somatic movement, feldenkrais methods, and astral meditation. I just have a list of these questions I'd like answered or given suggestions to:

What do you believe is the meaning of life? Is there any philosophers, speakers, teachers, theologians, writers, musicians etc that can help answer this?

What is your definition of religion in it's rawest form?

Do you know of any resources I may not have thought of?

Is there any criticism you can give good or bad?

Am I focused on one thing and neglecting another?

Do you have any further opinions on the topics listed above?

Do you have a suggestion of the next right step?

Do you have ideas on how I can help with the aforementioned problems?

How do I stop feeling like I'm wasting my time?

How do I find contentment in everything should I die tomorrow?

What is your opinion of the afterlife?

How do you find happiness in the midst of bullshit?

What did a friend/relative/mentor tell you when you were going through an existential crisis?

Have you felt trapped too? Due to the covid or otherwise?

Any curse words, songs, books, movies, etc of use?

🌸🌸I sincerely appreciate any feedback 🌸🌸

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kingofthenorth49 · 4 years

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Can someone check the GFCI?

When a circuit breaker snaps, it’s because the circuit was beginning to heat beyond design capacity and it’s shutting down to prevent something worse from happening, like fire or damage to a sensitive circuit or device.

It’s a safety device, and we all know how much I love safety devices, but at the end of the day if you don’t take action when a safety device activates, generally the damage can be much worse than what the device was actually protecting.

Folks, our owners have decided that it’s going to be much easier to control the world if they only have to do it from one government, and if you still think this is a conspiracy theory, you need to turn off CNN and step outside your basement. Even the dimwit in Ottawa can no longer keep the secret of where those in lofty chambers have decided we are going, although I sincerely doubt he understands the repercussions, just like 98% of the population. It’s not their fault, they are wired in such a way they can’t see the truth, either by design or programming.

Doesn’t matter which it is (blue dress/brown dress), the damage to our population has started and we don’t have the collective will to stop it, because we’ve been conditioned to be victims. Correction. Most have been conditioned over the past two decades to be victims, to be at the mercy of big government and those who know better than you do.

I’ve a friend who explains it perfectly. He says that most people cannot see past the end of any given month. It’s not a derogatory thing, it’s just who they are. These are the people who live paycheck to paycheck, who don’t plan for the future because they are just trying to stay alive. They work hard to keep up, but are consumed by just trying to cope with what life throws at them. These are the majority of people on this planet. Not a bad thing, but these are the type of people easily controlled by fear.

The next group are the people who can see 6 to 12 months, and they understand cause and effect better than the first group. They understand that payday loans are bad and that you should control your destiny through planning. These are the type of people who run our governments and provide services. They see the benefits to organized approaches to problems and find safety in numbers of like minded people.

The last group, the smallest one are those who can see 3 to 5 years down the road. These are the visionaries, people like Edison and Orwell, Tesla and Rand. These are the Elon Musks and Bill Gates of the world. They drive humanity through aspiration and ambition.

Unfortunately they aren’t always right, for example I would consider Karl Marx to one of the latter.

So why am I talking about Karl Marx and circuit breakers you ask?

Well it’s because my tin foil hat is on too tight, or because I’m not quite right in the head I guess, or any other of the labels those who can’t see past the end of the month would paste to someone like me who likes to think a bit more long term than the end of the next season of the Kardasians.

Shutting down the world for a bad flu wasn’t a decision based in science. It’s not even a decision based in safety, and believe me I know a thing or two about that. The whole “nobody moves, nobody gets hurt” thing really doesn’t work for long. Sure, nobody gets hurt, but no body eats either. This is what your average person isn’t thinking about when they scream “stay the blazes home”.

Yes, you can stay the blazes home. Yes, you can cower under your bed until the bad thing passes, but at the end of the day the Magic Pantry was just a kids TV show.

Dude’s gotta eat, right?

I’m currently living inside the “Atlantic Bubble”, or whatever is left of it after those anointed in oil decided to take their toys and go home, but in reality we’ve created an interesting paradigm here on the east coast of Canada that’s unlike anywhere else in the world.

We’ve created the perfect culture of fear.

Now for those living outside the bubble, we’ve shut the door, turned off the lights and posted a big “FUCK OFF” sign on the front lawn. We’ve turned our back to the virus like it’s a Trump supporter. This is our plan. We’ve posted guards, created intricate rules around who can go where and why, and basically made it impossible to move anywhere without government permission. All over a bad flu with a survivalbility rate of over 99.4%, with 70%+ of the mortality coming from those 70 years of age and older. You are more likely to die from an automobile accident today than COVID.

Don’t get me wrong, COVID is no cake walk, it’s a nasty disease, but it’s not Ebola. I’ve been battling this virus now for 11 months, I’ve seen how it works, it’s veracity is substantial, and if you have co-morbidities such as diabetes or heart disease, it can take a toll on you, and yes, more people are dying from it than the seasonal flu, but at the end of the day it’s not going to wipe out the human race. The majority of the people who test positive don’t even know they have it.

And don’t get me started on testing.

I can’t talk publicly about it but if you see me out and about, ask me why I think testing is a control and not a diagnostic element. Sorry, the hat’s tightening.

Let me throw one example out for you to chew on, let’s say vaccines. Now the vaccines are the panacea for the masses right? I mean we should be amazed we were able to concoct a vaccine that is 95% effective in eradicating this virus inside 8 to 10 months, hell, we should be ecstatic, right? I mean it took 30+ years to get a handle on AIDS and we beat COVID in just 240 days. We currently linbe up to get an annual flu shot to protect us from the last major Coronavirus (Remember the Spanish Flu?) that has been in development for the last 60 years and it’s still only 35-40% effective, and less than 50% of Canadians get it

We must be freaking geniuses now.

I’ll never understand the sheer amount of dumb optimism that’s out there, but I certainly appreciate it. Without that optimism we’d be more like Lemmings than we currently are.

But back to the “great reset”, shall we?

So dude’s gotta eat, right? I’m going to quote one of my modern day heros, Elon Musk when he says “If people wants stuff, they have to make it” or something along those lines. In other words, there’s no money tree. My parents very early on taught me that lesson, and that if I wanted anything in life I had to earn it or make it, that there was no such thing as a free meal. The problem is most people today have been conditioned to think there is. Trudeau has been giving away our money like a drunken sailor on shore leave to the tune of $400 BILLION dollars in 8 months. Let me put it another way, in the last 240 days Trudeau has spent $10,814.00 per Canadian citizen, or around $25K per taxpayer. That’s debt folks, that’s directly on the shoulders of every Canadian. But it’s ok they say because interest rates are so low we can afford the additional leverage.

Problem is folks is interest rates don’t stay low after a major crisis. Why? It’s called inflation. As money supply loosens, so does the value of a dollar, and when the value of a dollar decreases because there’s more supply of dollars then prices increase. When prices start increasing wages need to go up to keep pace with inflation, and when that happens there are two options. Control monetary supply, otr deal with runaway inflation.

How do you control inflation you ask? Great question. You raise interest rates to throttle spending.

How can anyone forget the late 1970’s? It was less than 50 years ago folks. Remember Trudeau’s 6 & 5? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? JUSTIN? For fuck sakes the kid was living at 22 Sussex drive when his father created the greatest economic challenge of our lifetime.

Wait, check that. Apparently the second wave will be worse than the first.

This great reset is gong to be tragic. Already they are estimating over 100 Million people in 3rd world countries will die next year due to disease and starvation because of the lock downs. In our own western countries the most disadvantages are already our most vunerable populations. Humans aren’t meant to be caged, nor can we afford to be. We need to be free, have purpose, and contribute to a vibrant society.

You can’t govern that. You can’t rule over a captive society for long. History has shown us that time and time again that King’s aren’t benevolent rulers and those who suffer the most are at the bottom the societal ladder.

If you aren’t seeing the end goal yet, I get it, but I do. You only need look as far as the ice cream eating elite who enjoy fine dining when your cupboard is near empty and jet off to Mexico while telling you can’t bury your spouse or child. They make you endure cruel mental anguish while they spend your tax dollars on jet setting and pontificating about a communist world that they rule.

All in the name of a better world, one free of climate change and racism.

Who knows, maybe they are right, maybe they are part of the component of society that sees the future more clearly than the rest of us.

I guess that’s why they get ice cream and can go spend Thanksgiving with their moms while you can’t bury yours.

I guess that’s just our lot in life, to be ruled, to understand it’s for thee, but not for me.

This what we want? This what we deserve? Am I wrong?

I don’t think I am, I just want to be. Can someone go downstairs and check the fuse?

Jim Out

#thegreatreset

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deansdorkycas · 5 years

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Wholesale Gym Equipment, Exercises to Lose Weight Fast

If you're one of the approximately 67% of Americans that are wired into the internet, there‘s’ a good chance that sometime in the last 24 hours you're received at least one spam email promoting the latest and greatest diet pill or weight loss program.

These diet products promise fast weight loss results, often without any effort or exercise. The never-ending promise of a weight loss pill that actually works keeps us hoping for eventual success.

At the same time, we're continually inundated with news of the most recent diet and how this time it‘s’ really going to work for us.

The South Beach Diet, the Zone Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Low Carb Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the Mediterranean Diet, the LA Weight Loss Diet, the Weight Watchers Diet, the Diabetic Diet, the Low Cholesterol Diet, the Prescription Pill Diet, the 3 Day Diet, the Low Fat Diet, the High Protein Diet, the Maker Diet, the Liquid Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the Fad Diet, the Blood Type Diet, the GI Diet, the Vegetarian Diet, the Vegan Diet, the Detox Diet, the Dash Diet, the Candida Diet, the Gluten Free Diet, the Hollywood Diet, the Negative Calorie Diet, the 1200 Calorie Diet, the Raw Food Diet, the Phentermine Diet, the High Fiber Diet, the Macrobiotic Diet, the Science Diet, the Lemonade Diet, the Scarsdale Diet, the Diverticulitis Diet and the Fat Flush Diet are all examples of diet plans that promise to help us achieve quick weight loss.

Crash diets, weight loss pills and get-thin-quick gimmicks are more prevalent than ever, yet two-thirds of our population is still overweight. Even more startling is the fact that approximately one-third of the people in our country are clinically obese.

With all of these solutions?available to us, why is it that obesity trends have been alarming enough to prompt the Centers For Disease Control (CDC) to label obesity a national epidemic? Why are we still, as a nation, getting fatter? It‘s’ certainly not because we're not trying.

On the contrary, as a nation, we're trying harder than ever to lose fat through diet and other weight loss products. As reported by CNN on 1-14-05 揂mericans were expected to spend more than $40 billion in 2004 on weight control pills, gym memberships, diet plans, and related foods estimate Marketdata Enterprises, which studies the weight loss industry.? Furthermore, statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) indicate that 80 percent of overweight individuals and almost 87 percent of obese individuals are trying to lose or maintain their weight.

As reported by mygoals.com, 80 percent of Americans made a New Year‘s’ resolution in 2005. A whopping 26 percent of those resolutions were to improve overall health and fitness, making this the top category for self-improvement. This year was no anomaly, either, according to Amy O'Connor, deputy editor of Prevention magazine: "Fifty-nine million people every year resolve to lose weight."

So, is there a healthy diet product out there that will actually work? More than likely, the answer is yes. Although there is quite a bit of fraudulent weight-loss merchandise on the market today, there is also (somewhere out there) a diet program and weight loss plan that will work for us. The challenge is to find that diet product or diet plan.

-> Repeat Business

The diet and weight loss industry is a huge money-making machine. According to Marketdata Enterprises, the annual revenue for the diet industry was over $30 billion dollars in 1990. A 2005 report by Stanford University documents that the consumer diet industry is now approximately $44 billion and growing. With all this money flowing around, haven's we as a country spent enough to fix the obesity problem once and for all?

How can the diet industry keep making more and more money, year after year? After all, $44 billion dollars is a lot of cash! The answer to that question is simple: repeat business. ?8% of today‘s’ dieters gain the weight back in 5 years. 90% of those individuals end up gaining back more than they lost originally, due to the body‘s’ panic and efforts to stabilize metabolic rates over the long term? (Source: Stanford University; stanford.edu).

How do the diet-promoters get all that repeat business? The diet industry is a very unique enterprise in that, when it fails someone, they rarely blame the product. We are hard-pressed to find another business where, if the product doesn's work, we blame ourselves. All too often, after giving up on yet another diet program, we find ourselves thinking well, I guess it’s just not a good enough dieter.?The tendency is for us to believe that we failed the diet rather than the other way around. Weight Loss Exercise, Wholesale Gym Equipment & Wholesale Fitness Equipment https://www.fitness-china.com/wholesale-gym-equipment

Apply this same logic to the automotive industry, and it soon becomes clear just how faulty this line of reasoning really is. What would happen if we take our car in to the mechanic for repairs and when we returned to pick it up he told us that although we still had to pay the bill, he was unable to fix the problem? Would we willing pay the bill anyway and just say h well, I guess it‘s’ just a bad car??Of course not! That would be ridiculous! But that‘s’ exactly what we do when it comes to diets.

-> One Size Does Not Fit All

What we need to realize is that there is probably a weight loss product or weight loss plan out there that will work for us, but it may not be the same one our friends or co-workers used. To find the best weight loss program for us, we absolutely must realize that one size does not fit all. What worked for our sibling or spouse may not work for us, and what works for us may not work for them. It‘s’ probably safe to say that any diet supplement has helped somebody, but it‘s’ also true that no weight loss drug or plan has helped everybody. Each person has a unique metabolism and very individual nutritional needs, so no single plan will work for everyone.

-> How To Find The Right Weight Loss Diet

Some fat burner products on the market today do indeed work. Others are a complete rip-off. How do you tell the difference? Where do you go for accurate and reliable weight loss information?

First and foremost, talk with your doctor. Your own personal physician is likely to be honest with you and provide you with the facts. In addition, he or she can help you decide which weight loss supplement may be right for your personal situation. There are also quite a few reputable organizations that provide accurate information on fat loss. Some of the better resources include:

American Cancer Society - www.cancer.org

Get a subscription for Wholesale Gym Equipment Men’s Fitness Magazine

Centers for Disease Control - www.cdc.gov

Diet Scam Watch - www.dietscam.org

Calories Per Hour - www.caloriesperhour.com

Harvard Medical School - www.health.harvard.edu

Mayo Clinic - www.mayoclinic.org

Shape Up America - www.shapeup.org

Calorie Control Council - www.caloriecontrol.org

President‘s’ Council On Physical Fitness - www.fitness.gov

When seeking a healthy weight loss plan, it‘s’ important that no food be strictly forbidden. There should not be any (or many) foods that we avoid completely 100% of the time. Why? Because that sets us up for failure! For example, if fudge is one of our favorites and we force ourselves to NOT eat fudge at the holiday party, then for many of us what we've done is set ourselves up for a binge fudge-festival.

Avoiding our favorite foods entirely is too much self-deprivation for most people, and this sets us up for binge-eating. That's a recipe for disaster! A much better approach is to enjoy foods in moderation. Watch those serving sizes! Enjoy and savor one piece of fudge! It's better to enjoy one piece of fudge and then stop than attempt to deprive ourselves entirely, only to end up eating the whole pan.

A good diet and nutrition program will also help us keep in mind the cost of the foods we eat. We're not talking about dollars and cents here, but the FITNESS cost of the food. When picking up that fudge, keep in mind what it will cost to enjoy it. When picking up a plate at the buffet table, let's take a moment to pause and think to ourselves: "The cost of this fudge will be an extra _____ minutes of exercise.....is that worth it to me?" Maybe. Maybe not. That's for each of us to decide on our own.

Wholesale Gym Equipment and Keep Exercise and Physical Fitness

The point is that we should be conscious of our food decisions. No foods are forbidden entirely, but we do need to watch our portion sizes and carefully consider the cost of each food. Any good weight management program will incorporate these concepts and also will be approved by your doctor. One such plan is the Running Start weight loss program offered by Pick Up The Pace. This nutrition program has six 12-week uses. You can use them all yourself, one after another, or share with a friend. The program has weekly updates, menus you can personalize, and printouts. The menu selector counts calories, protein, carbs and fat. The foods list is among the most comprehensive on the market.

This Running Start Nutrition Counseling software is simple to use and will help keep you accountable. The program retails for only $49.99, which translates to less than 70 per week. The software includes:

Printable 25 page manual titled finally, The Truth About Weight Management?

The printable 31-page manual is full of facts about vitamins & supplements!

Printable 28-page software user guide!

72 weeks of personalized menu creation!

Use all 72 weeks yourself, or share with up to 5 friends!

Choose your dietary preference! This software lets you choose the foods you like!

Not another set?- but a real nutrition education!

-> How To Find The Right Weight Loss Supplement

Perhaps even more so than with weight-loss diets, when searching for weight loss supplements it is critical to rely on the advice of your physician. The careful and supervised use of weight loss diet pills, combined with a sensible diet and regular exercise, can lead to quick weight loss and even easy weight loss (or at least easier than you expected).

Beware, however, the supplement scams on the market. It seems that every time we turn around we are blasted and bombarded with the latest, greatest, new and improved treatment for obesity. The gimmicks just keep coming. The sad truth is that few of these products work. Even fewer will result in real, permanent and lasting fat loss. A very few of the weight loss gimmicks on the market today are not only a consumer rip-off, but they are also quite dangerous.....even deadly.

Wholesale Fitness Equipment Optimize Your Health and Weight Loss

As an example, consider the prescription diet drug Meridia. Does it help you lose weight? For some people, the answer is yes. For others, the answer is no. Can it kill you? The answer to this question seems to be a nervous 'maybe'. "The consumer group Public Citizen had petitioned the Food and Drug Administration for a ban, citing Meridia users who died of heart problems as young as their 20s and 30s. Even before Meridia was approved for sale, the FDA knew it could increase users' blood pressure, the group contended." (Source: cnn.com) This week the FDA again refused to ban Meridia, even though whistleblower David Graham (an FDA drug safety officer) testified to Congress last fall that his agency was allowing five unsafe medicines to stay on the market, including Meridia.

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Wholesale Fitness Equipment and Keep Health fitness

Yes, ephedra will help some people lose weight. Yes, ephedra is safe for some people in low doses. But there is that little nagging fact that people have DIED and that their deaths have been attributed to ephedra use.....

Yet another example of a dangerous diet drug is steroids. For whatever reason, some people have decided that anabolic steroids are the best way to lose weight. Despite the well-documented and serious side-effects of steroid use, the lure of easy weight loss has caused many to throw caution to the wind. Perhaps the most concerning trend is steroid use among our teenage population: "Teens also listed steroids, growth hormone, amino acids and other potentially unhealthful products among those they'd tried in the previous year." (Source: cnn.com)

There do exist, however, some diet supplements that work and are also quite safe. Again, it is never a good idea to begin any supplementation program without first seeking the advice and approval of your doctor.

Three popular and dependable fat loss products designed to help you lose weight fast are ChromeMate, Lipotropic Plus, and Super L-Carnitine. Chromium helps insulin metabolize fat, turn protein into muscle and convert sugar into energy. ChromeMate, a unique form of niacin-bound chromium, is designed to optimize energy output. It accomplishes this by increasing the amount of glucose available for energy production nearly twenty-fold.

It also is the "master" nutrient for controlling blood sugar, which in turn curbs sugar cravings. What‘s’ more, a study at Auburn University showed that ChromeMate reduced LDL cholesterol by an average of 14%. In fact, ChromeMate has been awarded a patent for lowering cholesterol.

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Without it, fat is unable to penetrate the walls of the mitochondria of the muscle cells. Carnitine is the shuttle that carries fat into your body‘s’ furnaces (muscles) to be burned for energy. Super L-Carnitine increases the rate of fat utilization for fuel.

-> Wholesale Gym Equipment & Wholesale Fitness Equipment, Weight Loss Exercise

In this article, we've been discussing weight-loss diets and weight loss supplements. At this point, it is essential that we add the third and most important component of overall health and fitness: exercise. Exercise is one weight loss method that has never been banned, has never led to an investigation, and has never been listed on a 'whistleblower' fraud report. Exercise is the only path to health and fitness that virtually every doctor in the world agrees upon. Exercise is safe, effective, and brings many more benefits to our lives than diets or drugs ever will alone.

Exercise is fun, invigorating, motivating and the single most powerful way to improve our life and well-being! Yes, it‘s’ quite possible to lose weight without participating in regular exercise. However, diet and exercise combined will help us burn fat faster than we thought possible! Weight loss achieved by regular exercise and diet will be healthy weight loss because of all the benefits we obtain from regular exercise:

Strengthens muscles Strengthens bone Strengthens ligaments Strengthens tendons Strengthens immune system Improves muscle tone Improves endurance Improves strength Improves self esteem Improves confidence Improves balance Improves physical appearance Improves physical performance Improves glucose tolerance Improves circulation Improves memory Lower risk of heart disease Lower risk of diabetes Lower risk of cancer Lower blood pressure Lower cholesterol Lower risk of stroke Lower risk of osteoporosis Lower risk of osteoarthritis Lower requirements for medication Lower risk of injury Lower body fat Helps with sleep disorders Reduces post-operative complications Reduces frequency of illness Prevent Alzheimer‘s’ disease Prevents muscle loss Increases metabolism Eases symptoms of menopause Healthier pregnancy Fewer problems with childbirth Reduces ovulation problems Prevents heartburn

Reaching your ideal weight via a healthy and active lifestyle has been found to lower health risks and medical problems in 90 percent of overweight patients. In addition to the exercise benefits listed above, fit people are eight times less likely to die from cancer than the unfit, and 53 percent less likely to die from other diseases.

Fit people are also eight times less likely to die from heart disease. Without a doubt, regular exercise is the most important piece of the puzzle and the best way to achieve rapid weight loss. Exercise is the safest way to achieve permanent fat loss, and when combined with a sound diet and nutrition program the body is turned into a virtual fat-burning furnace!

-> Conclusion

Fast weight loss is possible if we, under the supervision and approval of our doctor, combine a sensible diet with a diet pill or weight loss pill that is safe and effective. When we combine these three fat-burning strategies it is almost guaranteed that we will experience quick weight loss results.

Of course, there is a staggering amount of information about health, exercise and fitness that still needs to be understood before this topic of rapid weight loss are complete. Several excellent e-books on this subject can be found by going to www.letspickupthepace.com and clicking on the Pick Up The Pace Store? and then fitness Education? links.

#Wholesale Gym Equipment #Exercises #Lose Weight Fast

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sonicranticoot · 5 years

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About CTR, Money, and Both Together: Part 2

Continuing from part 1.

Somehow it has been brought to my attention many more things that just...don’t say any good things, any good things, about the situation of the game and possibly the entire Crash and Spyro franchises going forward. I’m known to keep a very positive image here and I want this to continue, but sometimes, life sucks and then you die. So yes, this one is a lot angrier than the one before. You got to let it all out sometimes.

First thing is how these are actually out now, and boy are they terrible. Not just the fact they exist, but you can make 2500 in about an hour each day with online play. Or just pay Activision (not Beenox) $2.49 for that. A lot of people have been talking about how ridiculously overpriced the bundle for the Probulot 2000 is, and that can take a while to grind out even for online players (I have the dearest sympathies for people who don’t have their console’s online service and are stuck with offline payrates). Or, you could just hand that nice old Activision marketer (not Beenox) $9.99 for coins that disappear as soon as you buy them. I remember years back when Capcom got major slack for selling people costumes in Street Fighter IV for $3.99 a pop. Except there, you got a costume for five characters, and each costume had ten palette swaps. And that’s not going back to before that game, where you could get those in games at the low, low price of being earned as an in-game reward like beating the game on a certain difficulty or whatever.

It just goes back to how it used to be. Crash Team Racing is a 20-year old classic game that had a wealth of content you did not have to pay a cent for past the initial purchase of the game. Some people may say, “well, nothing in the original CTR can be unlocked with microtransactions”, and although that may be correct, it is completely missing the point. Content shown heavily before launch, like all the characters from Crash Nitro Kart and the new karts taken from Tag Team Racing, the stuff that was used to show “hey, look, it’s a little more than just CTR”, that stuff is locked behind an in-game store that allows you to spend real money. That’s not even going into the people who want to put N. Tropy or his digital skin in the shop. I actually commend Beenox for putting in something that, unlike the Pit Stop, forces players to get better at the game to have in their possession. The whole thing takes some pride out of the game. It barely feels like it’s a reward for people who didn’t pay up anymore because now people can go out and buy it with real money. Maybe.

That goes back to the fucking Fortnite store layout. Yeah I know this shop was problematic before, but didn’t go into as much as detail on why it is. Let’s say someone wants that one special skin, they want to buy Crunch that badly, that special car, or paint job. The store is set up to force players to wait, or buy things to roll again and hope what they get shows up. And with the addition of microtransactions, now, you can brute force, but even that still doesn’t help you if the Pit Stop gods don’t feel like playing nice and that special skin you wanted is the very last one in rotation. Some people aren’t that patient. This especially goes for offline players who have to spend hours trying to spend up for even one item. This type of impatience leads to kids stealing daddy’s credit card and spending $1,300 on gambling in FIFA. That’s really where this whole shit stops being “optional”, and feels like a deliberate part of the game. Because it is. It is a deliberate decision made on Activision’s part to make a predatory store. The paid solution now exists to a problem they created, and said paid solution doesn’t even fucking work.

Yes. Some people saw microtransactions coming. Some of these people like the game. Others didn’t like it, and are rubbing it into the former’s face. That doesn’t actually solve the issue here. What is the issue is that they weren’t there. People played the game for over a month without them. All the reviews were out, they were great. YouTubers praised it, both Crash-oriented and otherwise. The ESRB didn’t have to put a warning on the box. It’s all nice and cozy.

Then they do this. I’ve seen the review bombing of Metacritic. I’ve seen many Youtubers who have loved the game before either turn against it, or just express endless disgust over it. The ESRB can’t even do their fucking job of warning people that they are in the game, because there are a lot of copies out there that don’t have the “contains in-game purchases” label on them without glancing at one sentence in size 2 text on the back of the box as if Activision is playing their own twisted game of “ok, how can we tell people they’re in, but in such a way they won’t know it”, so someone, let’s say said person has a gambling problem, can buy the game, hear the good word of mouth from people who played it when it did NOT have MTX, and all of a sudden, they found a game that can prey upon them. I mentioned last time Activision did not make the message clear to consumers. Activision doesn’t want their message clear not just to consumers (and that goes for all consumers, from kids, to people with impulse buying problems, to genuine gambling addicts), but ratings boards either.

In short, all that goodwill Activision built up with this game, Spyro Reignited, Crash N. Sane, it’s gone. Not all of it is. But denying it’s done a crippling blow to things would be foolish. This game has a ton of issues. They’re all still here. MTX are though. It doesn’t give me, or anyone, a reason to trust them about what they do with these franchises, because they aren’t immune to any of the MTX bullshit that regularly plagues Call of Duty or whatever. I like the Crash and Spyro games for many reasons, but one big thing is that their newest release were free of this shit, they were old school ways of making people sold on games: by being really, really good games. You payed for a game. It’s good. Simple. Sweet. To the point.

You know what? Like Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon, Activision’s own Call of Duty sold millions and reviewed very well when it didn’t have microtransactions as well. FIFA did too. Grand Theft Auto did as well. Mortal Kombat also did. Deus Ex did. 2K sports games did. Fallout did. Elder Scrolls did. Plants vs. Zombies did. Quality games make money by being that. Quality games. Who would’ve guessed. Obviously Activision didn’t make all these games. And that’s the problem. Crash isn’t even new to this shit, it’s just one of countless classic, acclaimed franchises now subjected to the scummiest predatory practices that again, were initially made for free-to-play games that didn’t cost a dime to start playing. You didn’t see these in console games because they weren’t build for that practice. Yes, they make money, but console games could again, make money in a way a F2P mobile game can not: straight-up buying the game.

One of the worst (that’s a drinking game at this point) things is that let’s say people do get the message: everything in CTR can be earned in-game, not all the hard to do at that, the MTX coin rates are terrible, and thus, most people don’t buy the MTX. As in 99% of people don’t buy MTX. But you have whales, that 1% of people who these types of business practices specifically are psychologically engineered to pander to, spending literal thousands of dollars on coins for a cartoon kart racer and Activision can get the idea from them and only them of how to make money. And those types of practices become more accepted because of this, rinse, lather, repeat. There’s no winning scenario except for not having them in the game.

In short, Activision is the single slimiest, greediest, dirtiest, most absolutely fucking disgusting money-lusting pig of a company in the video game business and I am very, very disappointed in how corrupting classic games and franchises with pure filth meant to destroy bank accounts has consumed the industry. Activision is obviously not the only company that does this, but I can’t say many of the others are willing to do things like lie to the people who’s job is to warn people about these things. Fuck. Straight. Off.

Let it be known despite all that I am still a big Crash fan. I love the game. I’m eagerly anticipating Beenox to confirm Pasadena as a playable racer, I want to see how Brio looks in the game as well as what kind of race track the game will see when he is introduced, I want to see the Spyro stuff, I want to see what kind of crazy costumes they make or old school vehicles make a return, etc. I payed $40 for it. That’s the only money I’m giving it because that’s the point. I’m just disappointed. And that’s severely underselling it.

#crash bandicoot #crash team racing nitro fueled #activision #microtransactions #rant

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wanderingrestlessly · 6 years

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okay. so. my father and i had a talk about grad school - i want to get a masters in archival work in boston which. well. talk about expensive. he and i crunched some numbers together and i guess i’m just.....losing faith, if that makes sense?

i can’t say being an archivist has been a childhood dream of mine, but it’s where many of my passions are, and i can very easily see myself making a career in the field. but archivists aren’t paid well, and average about 46,000$ a year. and that’s once u have the degree and all that. i’m just gonna be a tiny tot grad student. i’m going to be drowning in debt, and the thought of that terrifies me.

it’s very solidly possible that i’ll be living paycheck to paycheck well into my forties, probably my fifties, especially if i stay in boston. and talk about staying in debt - i’m literally never going to pay off my student debt. like not even a little. if i do grad school, i am absolutely going to die in debt - there doesn't seem to be any way around that.

given boston’s expense, i’m going to be living at the poverty line, or just barely above it, even though i’m going to have a roommate. and the thought of that does terrify me. my mom has always been at that poverty line, but my dad hasn’t in a long while, so i’ve always had his safety net. the fact that within 6 months i’m not going to have that financial safety net is disconcerting, to say the least.

by the time i’m 40 will i be wanting to live paycheck to paycheck? right now it sounds run of the mill, and i’ve definitely been expecting it. but my father keeps telling me to think about the future in financial terms, something that i do often struggle with. what about my other dreams? i want a dog - how can i rescue a dog and give them the life they deserve if i’m living paycheck to paycheck? i don’t want to constantly be struggling financially.

maybe my dream of being an archivist is just that. a dream. same with living in boston. maybe i’m just not cut out for any of this. i’ve already gotten to do so much - i’ve traveled farther than just about anyone in my family, i’m the first woman on my father’s side to go to college. maybe those should be my only claim to fames.

21 year old me doesn’t mind, at all, the thought of struggling to make ends meat, and that i’ll be doing so without a financial safety net. i’ve come to terms with it and wholly accepted it. but what about future me? will 40 year old me be okay with this? will she have wished i’d taken some other path where i’m not living paycheck to paycheck?

am i overthinking this, or am i not thinking enough? there’s not really a plan B - i don’t know what else to do. go back home to alabama and live the rest of my days as a receptionist? or perhaps a dollar general cashier? because that’s just about all there is to do around here if you’re as shitty at math and science as i am. i’m in an engineer, banking, accountant, and army town. not exactly full of career opportunities for an english major. and god, just the thought of spending the rest of my life in alabama makes me want to - well, not die. but also yeah, it does make me kind of want to die. it’s so stifling here, so - well. i’ve ranted enough about alabama to fill a thousand books.

i don’t know what to do. i really don’t. what other career is there for me? maybe i should try to find a school not in boston. but that leaves me with alabama, which again is not exactly something i want to do. then again, dreams require sacrifices, right? but all i’ve ever wanted is to be free from my family, and i can’t do that in alabama. i can’t really even do that in the South. i’ve always wanted more. that restlessness has always haunted me. but maybe it’s time to just. settle. one’s never to young to settle, after all.

out of all the talents and career paths i could’ve chosen, i had to choose the one that needs grad school and doesn’t pay well and isn’t in high demand and and and. it’s not too late. i haven’t even applied yet. i can change course or just stop altogether. but will i be able to live with myself if i don’t roll the dice? will it be a major regret if i don’t at least try, or will i heavily regret it when i’m older? will i regret no matter what i do?

but again, maybe i’m overthinking. maybe it’ll all go well. maybe i’m worrying about things i ought not to be, and giving myself an anxiety attack over things that can’t be changed. if i’m not an archivist or a librarian, what am i going to do? what can i do? am i setting myself up for a life of struggle? not to mention both of my siblings, if all goes well, have very much set themselves up for some good solid financial stability. once again it will be me who’s not thinking things through and ends up being the one everyone has to worry over.

maybe i need to step back. be less ambitious. settle. alabama’s not the worst, after all. i could find something. and i’d be close to my family. but i’d also be so unbearably lonely, and always desperate to leave. what can i live with? what am i ready to live with, and how much of it can i live with?

i don’t know. and that’s the worst of it - i don’t fucking know! i don’t! i just want someone to tell me what to do but no one can because these are decisions i have to make for myself!!! and that terrifies me on a bone deep level!!!!! i wanna curl up in a corner and die! all i wanna do is work with books and manuscripts and research them and teach people about them and create exhibitions and and and.

i am. so tired. of so much.

#personal #long post #feel free to ignore #like seriously it's all probably drivel #i'm just......lost #so very very lost rn

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simplemoneyman-blog · 6 years

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When Simple Is Better

More and more, I’m learning that simple solutions to seemingly complex problems are better and more effective. And often times the simple solution is overlooked because we may think to ourselves, it can’t be that easy. Oh but more often than not it is which is refreshing. In Personal Finance, when you have fewer investments, you can monitor them carefully. When you’re invested in a bunch of individual securities or funds, after a while, it may not be worth all the time you are spending and may decide to hire a professional to manage your money. You’ve abandoned the simple approach and it may or may not result in better returns. I’d like to share with you a couple of examples in which a problem or situation arose, and a complex approach was initially considered or even taken. But as it turns out, the simple solution was better simply because it worked.

Sink Handle Stuck

Recently the sink in our main level bathroom was not working that well. The handlebar for the cold water was very hard to open and close. I had to help my son each time in the bathroom to turn the water on and off while he washed his hands. I contacted a contractor I know to come out and take a look at it and possibly replace it. He said he won’t be able to come for a couple of weeks because he got injured on another job. I thought to myself, why not just take it apart a bit and see if I can fix it myself. So, I turned off the water line, disconnected the hose that routes to the sink and looked for rust. I didn’t see much; then I thought I should take the handle parts apart some more. I used my phones flashlight and was checking out every which angle of the whole contraption to see where the problem may lie. But after a couple of minutes, I stopped, went back to the garage, grabbed a can of trusty WD-40 and started spraying the inner part of the handle. I didn’t know where I was spraying; just that I was moving the can and long red tip around inside to make sure the whole inner part became lubricated. I opened and closed the handle a few times and it started to become loose. I sprayed and worked the handle a couple more times and it was working better each time. I connected everything back up, turned the line on and cleaned up the excess water on the floor. From beginning to end, it took less than 30 minutes and now the sink works great. Application to Personal Finance: If you’re just starting out in personal finance, investing, saving, etc. you may not need to hire a professional. You may be better off taking the DIY approach and learning. There are tons of books, videos, and other media out there that simply explain the process of buying and selling investments and managing your finances overall. Financial Tools, websites, books and other media that I particularly like can be found on the SMM Recommendations page.

Eye Doctor Visit

A few months back I was experiencing eye pain. It turns out there was an abrasion in my cornea, which if you Google it can be very painful. It was discovered by a world-renowned Eye Institute. They provided ointment to keep the eye lubricated but it didn’t work that well. I spent over $200 in copays over several visits and was still experiencing pain from time to time. On top of that each time I saw a different doctor because of their specific schedules and had to re-explain what was going on with me and what I had been doing to manage my situation. So then I decided to get a second opinion from a family ophthalmologist. This guy has been in practice for decades, has a very basic office, keeps paper records of all of his patients, has only one exam room, and has great reviews from my friends and family. Two visits did the trick. His thought process was completely different out of the box and never mentioned by the “fancy doctors” at the eye institute. I can attribute it to his years of experience and variety of patients he must have treated. He provided a contact lens to serve as a shield or barrier between my cornea and my eyelid to cover the abrasion and ultimately suppress the pain. As soon as I put the lens on, I immediately felt relief. He said he could tell how much pain I was in the moment he saw me and his priority was to “help” me; a kind of human touch or element never mentioned by the fancy eye institute I visited previously. Over the next couple of weeks, my cornea was healing with the continued help of eye ointment and lubrication. In my follow-up visit, I thanked him and he said it is almost healed. Thanks to him, I haven’t had the excruciating pain since, although I do feel a little discomfort from time to time, my research has shown that to be normal. The best thing to do is keep my eye properly lubricated as often as I can. Application to Personal Finance: We may think that fancy degrees from business schools and a reputable name translate to higher returns. This is usually the case with managed mutual funds. But as it has been proven, simple ETFs and index funds provide greater returns with lower fees and sometimes even lower risk. Billions of dollars are being outflowed from active funds and going into passively managed funds. You don’t have to deal with an advisor, you don’t have to worry about fees, and you don’t have to guess what securities the fund has in its portfolio. Ultimately this makes your decision-making process all the simpler. Simple things in life lead to a better life. You have less stress, become healthier, experience deeper relationships with friends and family, and review many challenges in life with a simpler perspective. Join The Discussion: Have you opted for a simpler approach in an aspect of life and found it to be more effective? Have you experienced a loss due to a complex situation that could have been avoided? _______________________________________________________________________________ I use because (1) it’s free, (2) it tracks all of my accounts and overall net worth, (3) my account balances automatically update, (4) it shows how my investments are diversified and allocated in various sectors, and (5) can use built-in tools like “Investment Checkup” to get….wait for it…free personalized advice! Read the full article

#complex #copay #diy #doctor #experience #eye #institute #PersonalFinance #simple #sink

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nortromthesilencer · 6 years

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GET TO KNOW YOU QUESTIONS MEME

Doing this for my Nort boy

1. What is your favorite time of year? “Harvest, due to the over-abundance of baking available.”

2. Do you have a favorite season? “Spring.”

3. What is your favorite holiday? “I tend to ignore holidays.”

4. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? “I haven’t tried many, but will say vanilla.”

5. What is your favorite thing to eat? “Venison and pastries.”

6. Where were you born? “At the Aeol Drias compound.”

7. Do you have any siblings? What are they like? “Yes. We were more alike than I would care to admit.”

8. What is your middle name? “I have none.”

9. Where are you from? “I was raised in the Hazhadal Barrens.”

10. What were some of your favorite things to do growing up? “Not being yelled at or goaded..”

11. Where did you go to school? “A cantonment in the Barrens.”

12. What was your favorite subject? “Oddly enough, physical training.”

13. What was your least favorite subject? “Magic studies.”

14. Did you have any fashion faux pas in high school? “I wore a uniform. No.”

15. What did you like to wear when you were growing up? “I didn’t care so long as it fit.”

16. Were you more of a rebel, jock, or nerd in high school? “Er... An outcast? A nerd? I am unsure.”

17. Do you still keep in touch with anyone from school? “Unfortunately yes, due to necessity in duty.”

18. Were you ever a teacher’s pet? “Hardly.”

19. Have you ever accidentally seen someone naked? “Yes.”

20. Has anyone ever accidentally seen you naked? “Yes.”

21. What is the most trouble that you got into at school? “Can I skip this question? I would think it rather obvious...”

22. If you could do high school all over again, would you? “No.”

23. Do you play any musical instruments? “No.”

24. Do you know any other languages? “Yes.”

25. Do you have a famous role model? “No.”

26. Have you ever lived in another country before? “I have made temporary stays in many areas around the world.”

27. What is the longest amount of time that you spent in another country? “A few years.”

28. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? “Alone. Besides that, my requirements are rather lax.”

29. What is one thing on your bucket list? “The visit the Vale of Augury.”

30. Where would you like to retire? “I doubt that will ever happen.”

31. Do you have kids? “No.”

32. Do you want kids one day? How many? “No.”

33. Do you have any ideas for baby names? “No.”

34. What kind of parent do you think you’d be? “A bad one.”

35. Do you like to dance? “No, though I was required to learn formal dancing for etiquette reasons.”

36. Do you like to sing karaoke? “No.”

37. Do you like to cook? “No.”

38. Do you have a favorite author? “There are too many I enjoy to select just one.”

39. What kind of music do you like? “Most harp music.”

40. What do you like to do in your free time? “Read, carpentry and wood carving, going for walks, meditating.”

41. Where is the last place you traveled to? “The Ruelands.”

42. What was your last vacation like? “I don’t tend to take vacations.”

43. Do you have any pets? “Yes. A cat.”

44. Do you like cats or dogs? “Cats, though I have nothing against dogs.”

45. Are you afraid of mice? “No.”

46. Are you afraid of spiders? “As of recently, yes.”

47. Do you have a nickname? What is it? “... Ugh. Some fools have started to spread ‘Nortie’ around, and I despise it.”

48. What is your favorite color? “I don’t have one.”

49. What is a big pet peeve of yours? “Being called ‘Nortie’, loud chewing, people making noise for no reason, and many others. I’m an irritable person.“

50. Do you have any guilty pleasures? “I am unsure what would count here. I find guilt in many of my pleasures, as they distract from my duties.”

51. Do you have any favorite TV shows? “Favourite what now?”

52. What is your favorite movie? “You’ve lost me.”

53. Do you know how to swim? “Yes.”

54. Are you athletic? “Yes.”

55. What are your favorite stores to shop at? “I tend not to shop much for anything but the essentials.”

56. What is one of your most embarrassing moments? “I would think having the entire damned population told that they should ‘fuck me’ followed up by knocking myself unconscious in frustration would rank fairly high.”

57. What is your favorite food? “You’ve already asked this in a different manner of wording.”

58. Are you an adventurous eater? “Not really.”

59. Would you ever participate in an eating contest? “No.”

60. What is something that you eat on a regular basis? “Root vegetables, as they keep for long periods.”

61. What would you want your last meal to be? “A rare prime rib with-- oh, now what was that called? Hmm... I have no idea at all what the meal was, nor how to cook it, but during one of the more formal dinner gatherings hosted by one of our allies I accompanied the HeadMaster and whatever it was we ate it was simply divine.”

62. What is the most unusual thing that you have eaten? “A tree.”

63. If you could be a superhero, what superpower would you want? “Invisibility perhaps, so that none could see nor bother me.”

64. Would you rather be able to turn invisible or be able to fly? “See above.”

65. What is the longest that you have gone without sleep? “Nearly a week. It was not pleasant.”

66. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? “A few minutes? Putting on clothing and running a brush through my hair isn’t exactly time consuming.”

67. What is one of your recent accomplishments? “Er... Surviving another day?”

68. How old were you when you learned the truth about Santa Claus? “About who now?”

69. Did you have a favorite TV show when you were growing up? “There is that word again. I don’t know.”

70. Do you like to collect anything (i.e. coins, stamps, rare books, etc.) “No... Wait, no, that’s a lie. I collect gags of various types and colours.”

71. What are 3 things that you would take with you on a deserted island? “My glaive, A flint and steel fire starter, and a large bearskin blanket.”

72. Who was your first celebrity crush? “Does a princess count?”

73. Who is your current celebrity crush? “See above.”

74. Have you ever met a famous person? “Many.”

75. If you could see one band or musician in a concert, who would it be? “I don’t know.”

76. Have you ever had front-row seats to a show (play or concert)? “No.”

77. Have you ever failed to return a library book? “... ... ... ...yes.”

78. Have you ever had (orthodontic) braces? “No.”

79. Do you have any phone numbers memorized? “Any what?”

80. What is something you have done that you would never do again? “Get in to a relationship with a daemon.”

81. Do you have any irrational fears? “I would think them all rational, but failure is the closest I can think of.”

82. What kind of childhood did you have? “A strict and tumultuous one.”

83. What is one of your biggest accomplishments? “Graduation.”

84. What is the first website that you go on at the beginning of the day? “Website?”

85. Besides your e-mail, what are 3 websites that you always check every day? “E-mail? Website?”

86. Do you think that you spend more than 1 hour a day on the internet? “I’m starting to feel like you’re speaking another language at times.”

87. Do you like to play video games? “... Still confused.”

88. How many people have you dated? “2.”

89. If you got engaged, how long would you want to wait before getting married? “As long as needed. I’m in no rush.”

90. What kind of wedding would you want? “A simple one.”

91. What is your idea of a good proposal? “I don’t know. Something overly sappy, and most likely would end up involving me tripping over my words in utter bashfulness. The usual.”

92. If you are a guy, would you ever want a girl to propose to you? “I would be fine with that.”

93. If you are a girl, would you ever propose to a guy? “...”

94. Have you ever been with the same gender? “Not by choice.” *shudder*

95. What is your favorite pair of shoes? “My combat boots.”

96. Have you ever won an award for anything? “No.”

97. Do you think you are like your parents? How so? “I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met them.”

98. Have you had any big life changes recently? “How recent are we talking?”

99. What is something that you feel passionate about? “My Order and my duty to them.”

100. What kind of animal would you be? “Oddly enough this has come up before. I think a mountain lion was the ultimate decision.”

101. What is something that can make you really mad? “Arrogance.”

102. Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? “I see it as not mattering.”

103. If you had to give up one of your five senses for the rest of your life, which one would it be: sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell? “While many might think I would pick sound, it is useful in combat and many of my duties. I would have to go with taste, as it is the least useful of my senses for what I do.”

104. Would you rather be blind or deaf? “Deaf.”

105. If you could live in a book, what would it be? “Something peaceful. I am unsure.”

106. Which family member are you closest to? “This hurts me.”

107. What would you do if you had a million dollars? “Same thing I do now: Not spend it.”

108. What is something that holds you back in life? “Myself.”

109. What is a perfect day for you? “Brutalizing members of the Fold, eating a good meal, then relaxing in a hot-springs to wash away the blood.”

110. What is something that you would love to learn how to do? “I guess cooking would be useful, but also a waste of time? Perhaps something more suited to my duties, something combat related.”

111. Do you prefer the countryside or an urban setting? “The Countryside is much quieter.”

112. What is your favorite kind of candy? “I don’t have one.”

113. What do you like to eat for breakfast? “Eggs, bacon, and an apple.”

114. If you had one week left to live, what would you do? “Take as many Fold members down with me as I could.”

115. If you could get into a time machine, would you rather travel back in time to the 1900’s, 1920’s, or 1950’s? “This dating convention doesn’t match my world.”

116. Do you ever sing in the shower? “No.”

117. If you could choose how it would happen, how would you want to die? “From exhaustion after I have taken out Obelis himself.”

118. Would you ever want to be famous? What for? “No.”

119. What qualities do you look for in a friend? “Loyalty.”

120. What qualities do you look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend? “See above. I would like that we share a sentimental bond and attraction for one another as well, both emotionally and physically. I am more interested in women who have their own lives, their own interests, their own hobbies, than ones that merely live life day by day doing whatever those near them tend to do.”

121. How much do you care about looks when it comes to finding a boyfriend or girlfriend? “I will admit, I do care somewhat. In time, however, and knowing an individual, this may change. I wouldn’t know, as the situation has never come up.”

122. When dating someone, is weight a big deal to you? “I want a partner that is healthy.”

123. Do you like to go to the gym? “I tend to work out at home.”

124. Do you like to go to concerts? “No.”

125. Do you like to go see plays? “Rarely.”

126. Do you like to go to the movies? “...”

127. Are you close to your family? “No, by no choice of my own.”

128. When is the last time you cried? “Sooner than I would like to admit.”

129. If you died tonight, would you have any regrets? “Many.”

130. If your house was on fire, what is one possession (not a person or pet) that you would save? “The memorial to my brother.”

131. Do you prefer to dress up or dress down? “Dress down.”

132. If there was one event in history you could prevent, what would it be? “It’s hard to choose. Stop the Mad Moon from cracking? Stop the Fold from being created? Save my brother before he descended into madness? Hmm...”

133. Name a celebrity that you would want to be best friends with. “I ask again, does a Princess count?”

134. How do you think the world will be different in 50 years? “If we think the conflicts now are bad, just wait until technology and magic evolve.”

135. What is something that draws you to people? “Intelligence, and positivity.”

136. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Do you think he or she knew? “No.”

137. Do you remember who your first crush was? “Yes. No other comment.”

138. What is one place that you have traveled to? “One? Er, Elze?”

139. Would you ever date someone who has been married before? “I suppose.”

140. Would you ever date someone who is still married? “No.”

141. Would you ever date someone who has kids? “Most likely not; Well, if the kids were still with them.”

142. How many kids would you want? “You asked this on 32.”

143. Do you like to sing karaoke? “Again, a repeat. See 36.”

144. Do you have any favorite karaoke songs? “I don’t have one.”

145. If you had your own holiday, what would be a required activity? “Being silent for the entire day.”

146. What would a holiday named after you be called? “I don’t know. The day of silence and listening?”

147. Were you brought up in a particular religion? “No, but I was raised in strong compliance to my Order.”

148. Are you religious? “No.”

149. Do you believe in an afterlife? “Given what I’ve seen, yes.”

150. Do you believe in God? “Which one?”

151. Do you like rainy days? “Yes.”

152. Do you like snow? “To a point.”

153. Tell me about your worst weather experience. “Traveling across the mountains and getting chased down by a mud slide due to heavy rains, that then made it too slick and sticky to even climb over the pass.”

154. Have you ever ridden a horse? “Yes.”

155. Do you like rollercoasters? “I am unsure what that is.”

156. Have you ever gone scuba diving? “No.”

157. Have you ever gone rock climbing? “I’ve climbed, but not for sport.”

158. Have you ever climbed a mountain? “Yes.”

159. Do you know how to bake? “No.”

160. Do you know how to cook? “No.”

161. What is your favorite dish to make? “Anything I can’t screw up easily.”

162. What do you usually do for the holidays? “Stay inside and relax.”

163. What are your parents like? “I feel like you asked this already... Or something similar.”

164. What are/were your grandparents like? “Again, never met them, wouldn’t know.”

165. What was your first job? “For pay? Soldiers work.”

166. What was your worst job? “Being liaison to another kingdom’s duchess... A very flirty, very prone to drinking, duchess.”

167. What was your first car? “I’ve never had one.”

168. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? “Er...”

169. How many times did you have to take your driving test? “Errr......”

170. Have you ever gotten a driving ticket? “Errrrrr.........”

171. What is your dream car? “I don’t have one.”

172. What is your dream home like? “Smaller, but with enough space for crafting, a small study and book nook, a large storage cellar, and away from most distractions. Preferably somewhere I can be self sustaining for the most part.”

173. Who is the last person you spoke on the phone with? “Phone?”

174. Where would you want to retire? “See number 30. You really should be more careful about repeating questions.”

175. How do you like to exercise? “Mostly using nature around me to act as weights and stands.”

176. Are you double jointed? “No.”

177. Are you a lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? “Left handed.”

178. If you could change your first or last name, what would you change it to? “I wouldn’t.”

179. If you could, would you want to be immortal? “Given that I--- No, nevermind. It’s not a pretty fate, to be sure, but a necessity.”

180. What would be the title of your autobiography? “Silent musings. The pages would be all blank.”

181. When did you have an experience that ultimately made you a stronger person? “I would say graduation cemented my will.”

182. What is one of the best meals that you have ever had? “See 61.”

183. What is something that you learned recently? “That Keen’s hate having their technology compared to magic.”

184. Do you have a favorite restaurant? “No.”

185. What is your least favorite food? “I dislike oranges.”

186. What is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to you? “I-- I don’t know.”

187. What is the meanest thing that anyone has ever said to you? “Any comment about being useless tends to cut deep.”

188. How would you describe yourself in one word? “Sardonic.”

189. What instrument would you want to play? “I find the harp most agreeable, but doubt I could ever learn.”

190. What music did you like to listen to as a teenager? “None.”

191. What would you do if you were a millionaire for one day? “The same thing I do now.”

192. Do you like public displays of affection or do they bother you? “By others? I care not, so long as I’m not involved.”

193. How do you show someone that you care about them? “By attempting to be there for them, and protecting them.”

194. What is one fashion trend that you like? “I don’t care much about fashion.”

195. What is one fashion trend that you don’t like? “Likewise.”

196. Do you have any weird talents? “I can bend my feet over my head.”

197. What is your favorite dance move? “The one where I don’t have to dance.”

198. How do you know when you like someone? “I don’t always. It’s complicated.”

199. What is your favorite childhood movie? “?”

200. What is your favorite thing from your closet? “A simple pair of beige slacks.”

201. Do you have any phobias? “Due to recent traumas, Spiders. Besides that? Abandonment and betrayal.”

202. Would you ever want to live with your parents again? “I never did in the first place.”

203. What is your favorite way to eat an egg? “Would it be disgusting to say raw?”

204. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? “Baked?”

205. Do you have a favorite condiment? “No. Maybe mustard.”

206. Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? “Hamburgers.”

207. Who is someone that you really miss? “... I think it would be obvious if you knew me.”

208. What is something that you wish you could change about yourself? “Less irritable.”

209. Who is the worst neighbor you ever had? “Some asshole who insisted on hosting drunken parties every week.”

210. Would you ever go bungee jumping? “Maybe.”

211. What is your favorite movie genre? “Again, Movie. I don’t know that word.”

212. Have you ever milked a cow? “Yes.”

213. Do you know how to sew? “Barely. Just enough to temporarily patch things, or fix buttons.”

214. Do you follow politics and current events? “Only as duty dictates.”

215. What are your favorite pajamas? “My underwear.”

216. What is the worst thing that you ever cooked? “Everything.”

217. Pick one thing that you would love to win a lifetime supply of. “Whetstones.”

218. Have any of your views changed over the years? “Changed, not so much. Softened? Yes.”

219. What was your hometown like? Is it any different there now? “Dusty. Warm during the day, cold a night. Quiet, but I liked that. It’s been some time since I’ve returned there.”

220. What is the funniest prank that you have ever done? “With Jin’jakk I dropped a wasp nest into Invoker’s home through his chimney... Well alright, it was funny until he destroyed my own house with fire in retaliation.”

221. Did you ever do anything to earn money when you were a kid? “No. I was provided for so long as I continued my studies.”

222. How do you spend your birthdays? “I only just recently learnt that those were things to be celebrated.”

223. Have you ever had a surprise party? “No.”

224. What did you do for your last birthday? “Rahovart brought me a small pie and we shared it.”

225. Do you remember the first time that you were away from home? “If I count the Cantonment as my home, then yes. We traveled in town for both lessons and trade.”

226. Do you have any funny stories about your family? “My brother once waxed all of my body hair against my will. He thought it was hilarious. I hated every second.”

227. Have you ever been to summer camp?” “No.”

228. Have you ever gone camping before? Would you do it again? “Most of my patrols and travels are spent camping.”

229. What was one of your best dates? “While a few come to mind, the aftermath of events leave such memories jaded. I am sorry, but I would rather skip this question.”

230. What was one of your worst dates? “Being abducted and forced to ‘enjoy myself’ despite being tied up and there against my will.”

231. What was your high school mascot? “My what?”

232. What was/is your dream university? “All of my schooling was done by my Order. There were no options.”

233. If you could participate on a game show, which show would it be? “I wouldn’t.”

234. If you could be in a T.V. show, which ones would it be? “T.V?”

235. Would you rather stand out in the freezing cold with just a bathing suit on or stand out in the hot sun with layers of clothing and a coat? “Hypothermia or hyperthermia. Heatstroke or frostbite. What wonderful choices. I guess the heat, as I could easily remove clothing, where as procuring clothing in the cold would be more difficult.”

236. What is your favorite animal? “Cats I guess.”

237. What is usually your first thought when you wake up in the morning? “Where my pants are.”

238. Do you believe in aliens? “I’ve seen creatures from other worlds and spaces. So, yes?”

239. Do you believe in magic? “This is a stupid question, of course given that it’s not a matter of belief: Magic just is.”

240. Have you ever had your fortune told? If not, would you do it? “Yes, by Nerif.”

241. Do you believe in psychics? “Given the array of powers that exist, yes, I could see it.”

242. Do you believe in paranormal creatures? “Again, I’ve met some, so yes.”

243. How do you like to spend the weekend? “Reading, working on side projects, in quiet.”

244. If you could get a completely new wardrobe, what would you buy for yourself? “Nothing beyond what I already have really.”

245. Do you have any exciting plans coming up? “That’s confidential.”

246. Would you ever get someone’s name tattooed on you? “No.”

247. Would you get a face tattoo that covers half of your face and never have it removed for $10,000,000? “No.”

248. Have you ever kissed someone at midnight on New Year’s? “Once.”

249. How do you like to spend Valentine’s Day? “As of right now? Alone. If I were in a stable relationship, I’m sure that would change.”

250. Do you like to dress up for Halloween? “No.”

251. Have you ever dressed up in a couples costume or a group costume? “No.”

252. If you lost your job today, what would you do? “In this case, my job is my duty and honour to my Order. If I lost that, I doubt I would find my life with much meaning or worth.”

253. Have you ever lived with a significant other? “No.”

254. Have you ever had to share a room with someone? “Yes.”

255. Have you ever had a roommate? “Yes.”

256. Have you ever kissed on the first date? “Yes.”

257. Have you ever done more than kiss on the first date? “No.”

258. What is the most casual date that you have been on? “Getting ice-cream and just sitting outside and enjoying eachother’s company.”

259. What is the fanciest date that you have been on? “Carriage and coach, fine dining, outdoor hotsprings, followed by a night in a private lodge overlooking the woods.”

260. How do you like to celebrate anniversaries (if you have had any)? “I don’t.”

261. How much does it matter to you that your family and friends like your significant other? “They would have to get along with my Order, or it wouldn’t work.”

#meme #headcanon #Nortrom answers #long

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regretadayagain · 6 years

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DAY 124: Bad Media & A Broken Heart

Listen, I freely admit that I still collect physical media. Yeah, books, but more specifically, physical music. And even MORE specifically than that, CD’s.

For instance, here’s what a section of my basement looks like:

That’s just the A’s through R’s, mind you.

Here are the S’s through Various Artists.

Those of us who still collect these little 4.724 inch artifacts from yesteryear have taken loads & loads of shit from people who sold their CD’s years ago & are seemingly happy with the digital versions they “own” now.

When they find out that we still collect them, there’s usually a moment where they ask, “But...WHYYYYY?” in that slightly whiney, condescending tone that’s passive-aggressively saying, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” beneath it all.

But guess what.

We really don’t. None of us do. We’re good with our decision.

In the same way that these exact same people will cram themselves into a shop they rarely go to (except on Record Store Day) & spend hundreds of dollars on new vinyl they’ll rarely listen to on their overpriced, Urban Outfitters turntables.

In the same way that thousands of bands (old & new), as well as hundreds of record labels these days are fully embracing the cassette tape in order to get their sounds out there cheaply,

which also means that there are consumers out there willing to buy an even MORE antiquated format than CD players to listen to them on.

And before you call “bullshit” on that last one, you should really check out Dead Media in Minneapolis.

Most of their inventory looks like THIS:

And SURPRISE, they’ve been around for at least 4 years now with no signs of stopping.

So, yeah, say what you will about physical media. Especially about CD’s. Those of us who are still collecting have made our peace. And judging us isn’t doing anything but making YOU feel good.

Anyway, all that was a roundabout way to bring up my regret, ‘natch.

I was at the St. Paul Cheapo the other day.

And as I was knocking around the store for a replacement copy of my wife’s Kylie CD, I hit a corner of the store that I can’t resist checking out every time I’m in there: the Tom Waits section.

Which is where I made a startling discovery.

Wait a minute.

Was I reading that right?

Nope. That sticker was on every Tom Waits CD. Apparently, I either missed the announcement or knew about it & forgot that ANTI Records were remastering & reissuing his first 7 albums.

Regardless, I half-heartedly regret that I’ll probably end up flopping down $14+ SEVEN TIMES OVER to repurchase the entire catalog.

Even the ones that neither Tom nor I’m really that crazy about.

I say “half-heartedly” because I have no problem doing it. It’s fucking AWESOME. Especially if they’ve gone through & repackaged them with the original liner notes, artwork & lyric sheets.

Yeah, I’m that guy. Even in a truncated package, I still want it all.

But during all this, one tiny detail jumped out at me that I kind of regret. So, here’s the original cover to his 1975, double live album, “Nighthawks At The Diner”:

And here’s the remastered album cover:

Yeah, I know it’s a shitty picture (I blame me).

But let’s zoom into the bottom right quadrant there:

A little more...

Okay, so the original artwork had this strangely obvious body of a dude lying facedown outside of the diner.

And now, in the reissue, he’s mysterious gone.

Yeah, I know that probably seems like a non-issue, but something about them taking that out is regrettable to me for reasons I can’t quite put into words.

But, of course, I’ll try.

Was Tom looking at this image 40+ years later, thinking, “You know, maybe this is a little TOO disturbing?”

The self same Tom who’s created such chilling nightmare landscapes like “Dave The Butcher,” “What’s He Building” & “Oily Night?”

Or tattooed horrifying lyrics onto our brains like, “The dogs are having someone who is screaming in the mud” & “We're all inside a decomposing train?”

Maybe that wasn’t the case. Maybe that dude’s actually dead & Tom thought it’d be in bad taste to keep him lying there.

Doesn’t really matter, I guess.

Like all the other reissues, I’ll be buying this one, too, dead guy or not.

#RegretADayAgain #DAY124 #regrets #Tom Waits #Kathleen Brennan #CD's #Dead Media Records #Minneapolis #cassette tapes #Record Store Day #vinyl #Cheapo Records #St. Paul #ANTI Records #Nighthawks at the Diner

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gaslampsglow · 7 years

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(Pictured: 1/30th of a rough weekend.)

So saturday afternoon, my boss (supervisor? team lead? superior officer? that weird nebulous stage between “coworker charged with keeping the group in line” and “Manager with capital M”) wheeled a massive skid of boxes over to my workspace and asked if I could take on a special project. We had a massive batch of lots from the same sake to shoot and document, and it needed to be done by someone with neurotic attention to detail. Obviously I said yes.

Each of the boxes on that skid were, like the one pictured above, stuffed to the brim with hundreds of photos. And I mean hundreds. There were photos from every decade since the 1890s, there were black and whites, postcards, color prints, slides. Kodachrome, Ektachrome, Polaroids, negatives pulled from positives, newspaper clippings copied and imaged with an enlarger. Contact sheets, proof pages, negative images of halftone screens, all the hallmarks of an absolute darkroom wizard.

All trains.

Thousands of photographs of trains.

And behind that first skid he wheeled another skid, loaded with even more.

Marketing felt that these were dump lots, that no one would spend any money on them, based on a few test lots that had been up for sale for a few days. Several other people, my boss included, felt that the product was great but the documentation was poor. Whoever shot the test sales had clearly not known what they were holding, nor did they seem to care, as they took four or five photos of piles of photos and called the whole thing done. For most items we sell, thats not a bad way of doing it. After all, to hit our daily numbers, most lots need to be shot in less than ten minutes, preferably six. You take a master shot illustrating the item, you take three to four angles or closeups showing details, then you document any damage or irregularity. Minimum four photos, usually about eight or nine, try not to shoot more than twelve. And if you’re shooting something that feels too niche or junky or tacky to make money, you spend less time with it so you have more of a buffer when trying to capture the tiny fucking watermarks on stupid crystal glasses. And a good general rule is that the more items are in a lot, the less they’re worth.

But all of these rules fly out the window when you are selling to Train People. You may have known a few. The ones with the model railroads in their basements, exactingly crafted to perfectly represent a particular rail line, or period, or place. The history buffs that out-obsess all other history buffs. No special interest is more granular, or more specific, or more seemingly mercurial to the untrained eye. They’ll fork over good money for a piece of rail history, but no one wants to buy blind boxes of photos sight unseen, hoping that they represent whatever line or time or place they’re looking for. And this treasure trove not only was astoundingly well organized, but almost every single photo was labelled with information, frequently detailing the make and model of the train as well as the time and place the photo was taken.

So my boss told me to sift through, document anything that seemed important, spend as much time as I needed and take as many photos as I want. I shot nothing but photos of trains from 1:30 to 7:30pm, taking about 40 minutes per box (each box being sold as a separate lot.)

Get in the next morning at 7:00am, keep going. At around 10, while I’m grabbing the next pile, a woman stops me and introduces herself as one of the Editors. We normally don’t see editors, as they’re four or five rungs up the ladder from photography, and most of their work is digital. They curate the overall estates and sales, revise and correct the research cataloguing does, order photo reshoots when necessary, and generally have the final say on many pieces of what hits the site.

This particular Editor is the one overseeing this sale, and was friends with the man who owned all of this stuff. So I get a little more background: all of these photos were from a Rail-spotting magazine run for 25 years by a local Cincinnati man. Train Fans would send in photos from all over the world to be featured, and this collection was essentially the man’s life’s work. The proceeds from selling all of this (and the piles and piles and piles and piles of other items) go to supporting the hospitalized mother he left behind after his death. So The Editor is deeply invested in making sure that not only is the work well represented, but that it makes top dollar, so that her friend’s work is sold to collectors rather than junk dealers, and that his mom gets a big check to pay for medical care.

Which means that she is profoundly unhappy with the performance of those earlier-mentioned test lots, and livid that attribution fobbed the whole thing off without doing much documentation, and that marketing thinks this all is worthless, and came hunting my boss to make sure that these photos are being shot properly. To say that she seemed skeptical of my care and attention to detail is an understatement.

“Well, I do want you to know that I’m putting a lot of time into these. I’m looking at every photo, pulling all that are in color, pulling any that are photographically impressive with high contrast, and paying particular attention to local lines.”

“You mean the ones marked as being shot here?”

“Well, sure, but also the rail lines that I know pass through Cincinnati. The next box I’m shooting I know is a bunch of B&O so I’m excited for that, since I drive under an old B&O bridge as I leave my neighborhood.”

“B&O?”

“You know, Baltimore and Ohio. Its the oldest full service rail line in the country.”

“...I guess you are the right one to do these.”

Which is about when the other player enters the scene, one of the two company Founders. She and the Editor had both been on this sale for months, starting at the house packing and organizing this estate, which was so cluttered and filthy and untamed that the Founder called in a personal favor and flew her pal Matt Paxton (one of the Professional Cleaners from the show Hoarders) out to help cut through the muck. So now, months later, in the final hours of a giant project, the presentation of the whole thing is on me. And the decision makers for the whole company are standing around my workspace while my boss shows the work I’d been doing so far.

I was a little stressed.

But as they flipped through, I could see everyone become visibly less tense. My boss explained, “If I had given this to any other photographer in the building, they would have grabbed the first ten photos out of the box, shot just those, then moved on to the next one. I picked Corey because he loves history, and he’s willing to do the work. He’s shooting sixty and seventy photos for each of these lots.”

Which, uh, was a pretty great feeling, not gonna lie. I’m not used to receiving kudos, even just verbally, from bosses, let alone people that high up the food chain.

Of course this was tempered by finding out that this whole sale was going live that night.

This meant that I had about 20 more lots to shoot by 3 in order to give cataloguing enough time to write descriptions and hit complete. It was, at this point, 11:15. The race to finish was not fun, with my boss jumping on the sweep next to mine for the last two hours, as we steamed across the finish line around 4:30. At that point, I was kaput. Completely finished. I spent the last three hours at work sleepwalking, came home, and melted into my chair. I told Jo it was an incredibly stressful day.

And it was.

(Hey look, its Cincinnati! Back when the Inclines were running.)

But I keep thinking about that feeling. Because this isn’t the same stress I’m used to. And I know this seems so obvious or blase, but every job I’ve had has been stressful. I mean, every job is stressful in its own way. But I’m not used to that stress being...rewarding? In the same way that art or film or woodworking, creation for my own purposes, is stressful.

I know I’m saying “the sky is blue” as if it were a new discovery I’d made, but I’m so unused to feeling job pressure that resolves not as misery but as accomplishment. Three years at Lowe’s and every day was “oh no, I have to do this again tomorrow? How!?” and finding victory in the tiny little footholds of humanity that I got from one customer out of a hundred. I emotionally have no idea how to process “my boss and my boss’s boss and their boss are all impressed with my random assortment of knowledge and ability to organize information.”

This is not a complaint, mind you. Not even a little bit. Just a very gratified confusion.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, thanks. As reward, have a photo taken sometime in the 70′s about a block away from my house.

#Wyrd Mysteries #cincinnati #ohio #railroad #my job is weird

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protagonistheavy · 4 years

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Shitblast about the Pokemon Presentation incoming:

That sucked the life out of me to be totally, un-exaggeratedly honest. It sucked pretty much any care I could have about Pokemon for a good couple of years at least. The downward slant of the franchise is just ridiculously obvious, and genuinely I don’t think I want to buy into the series anymore -- I’ve gotten burned enough times to not even try and get hyped for anything as ugly as the DP remakes or Legends.

Before I even get into the games they talked about, I just want to rag on that opening video thing. The huge montage of all the different things the pokemon franchise has, uh, infected I guess. Am I the only one that was really, really put-off by this? It just seemed like such a huge ass pat for themselves, like, “woo-hoo, look at our millions of dollars we spent on NOT the video games.” And it’s not even structured in some kind of catchy song, it’s just people chanting out hashtags that pop up on screen. It’s so cheaply made and they do shit like this pretty much every fucking year, I’m sorry but I just found this whole thing to be a waste of time. It didn’t get me hyped for anything to come, that’s for sure, it just reminded me that I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for Pokemon to actually progress itself and catch up with a modern market.

Pokemon Snap was the only cool thing from the presentation, and that’s a game we’ve already known about and is honestly too simple to fail. They would have to REALLY fuck up a game as straightforward as Snap. And this presentation didn’t bring any exciting new light to the game, just confirming that yes, yes you will indeed be taking pictures of pokemon, and then sharing those pictures with friends. Everything they’ve talked about is just the natural modernizations I’d expect from any game claiming to be about photography and made in 2021. The most exciting thing they could show off was the illumination item thing, which is just sorta, okay I guess.

The DP remake was disheartening. I honestly wish they didn’t even bother, and just ported the game as-it-was to the Switch.

I hate these graphics. And no, no it’s not some “style.” This isn’t a stylistic choice, this isn’t a “theme,” whatever this toddler’s toy aesthetic is supposed to be. It isn’t. It’s a budget constraint -- it’s a compromise. And I honestly hate that people are trying to defend it as some sort of art style, when I know 100% they would never defend another game like this nearly as hard. They would look at ANY game with graphics this shit and call it out.

There’s this excuse that it’s an art style theme, akin to Link’s Awakening remake on the Switch. Except, did people forget that Link’s Awakening actually looked good? Because it was actually designed to look like everything was a miniature. They used proper shading and texturing to sell that aesthetic, to make it look pleasing to the eye. Link’s Awakening is proud of its graphics and it does as much as it can visually to lean on that aesthetic. These DP remakes? There’s no heart put into this “art direction” at all. The textures are all plastic and flat and even downright muddy -- compare any screenshot of the remake to an original location and you’ll see how awful the colors are now, and how vague some of the models are after having been transformed from sprites. There’s no intent at all from the devs to actually include the polish necessary to make this style work -- it’s not an art style decision, it’s a budget constraint. They chose this design for the game because it would be easy to make, even easier to animate, and they could then justify slapping both of these games with $60 price tags. And yeah I get it -- “we don’t know how much these games are going to be!” -- no we do, it’s going to be fucking $60 like anything else released on the Switch, but if you seriously think this is worth $50 or even $40, then whatever, spend your damn money.

And yeah I am bitter that this is against precedent of the previous remakes. Every other remake before this had the time taken to update the graphics and direction to modern standards, and every remake was better because of it. It was refreshing to revisit these older worlds with modern sensibilities and an updated perspective -- the whole appeal of updating these older games is to give them the love and depth that technology at the time wouldn’t allow. At least that’s the appeal for me, I guess there’s a LOT of people out there whose appeal to Pokemon as a franchise is just buying whatever fucking comes out next and just mashing that A button into a state of satisfaction. This bums me out so bad that instead of getting something with passion and care, we get the absolute cheapest output; a remake that doesn’t promise anything new or exciting, burdened with absolute shit graphics.

And again, this style just sucks. It isn’t cute lol. I guess some people are gonna be into it, that’s fine I guess, but wow I don’t believe a single person that claims “this is what I imagined DP to be like.” No you didn’t, fuck the shut up? You’re really going to tell me that, in your most immersed state of playing this game, you imagined everything to be these fucking toddler toys? Okay you’re just on your own for that one -- I and every other normal human did not think of the DP world as some chibi fantasyland full of lego people. I hate that this is even excused as being some sort of “hark back” to the older art style -- the older art style wasn’t toy-themed or plastic-themed! What the fuck are people trying to pull here? It’s such a shame that DP had amazing sprite work and a wonderful world and an enticing story, but its remake is just going to underplay all of that, abandon it all just so it can have some gimmicky art style -- at best it’s a gimmicky art style riding the coattails of Link’s Awakening, and at worst it’s a budget cut done to make the game as cheap as possible to shit out.

I’m so disappointed in this. I was really looking forward to experiencing DP as a remake, I’ve never played this generation before. I wanted to play the remakes because I didn’t want to adapt to the older logic of the games, and I wanted to be able to bring in my own pokemon, have my own adventure. I wanted another experience like ORAS or HGSS. I didn’t want to go through the work of trying to play the original in a reasonable way. But since this is the direction of the remake, to make it look cheap as hell and totally heartless, then I’m just forced to play the original, and that sucks on a lot of layers.

And then Legends of Arceus or whatever.

Look. I want to like this game. And realistically I do like the idea of this game. But just like the DP remake, it looks like it’s the absolute cheapest response to what fans have been asking for, and it looks like it just wants to ride off the success of another, better franchise. I’ll make a wish now that I hope this game proves to be so much better than it looks in this presentation.

But wow, wow. I don’t think that’s going to happen. This looks like full-on garbage.

I wanted a BotW-like Pokemon game ever since, well, BotW. I think an open-world format would do wonders for the Pokemon formula, and SwSh had potential with its Wild Areas. But again, all the cheapest choices have been made. This game reeks of developers being told that fans want a BotW-styled Pokemon game, and then responding by just inserting pokemon assets into a beta test world of BotW. They didn’t show anything that looked promising for Pokemon gameplay, they just showed elements that are enough to convince an audience, “trust us, this is an open-world, with open-world mechanics -- like stealth! Rolling into bushes! Isn’t that cool? Isn’t this how you want to catch pokemon?”

It’s heartless. The developers clearly don’t care about making an open-world pokemon game; they’re interested in making pokemon an open-world game, the difference being that they don’t care about actually organically mixing the two. It’s just going to be a slop of open-world mechanics, set in an open-world that has no reason to be explored and is ugly as sin to look at, with mechanics designed to slow you down and fill in that 40-60 hour expectation. And I say this with as much confidence as I do because if they did have anything interesting to mention about Legends, they would have fucking said it -- they would have highlighted where pokemon gameplay intercepts open-world gameplay in a meaningful way, they would have brought attention to new mechanics that could only work in an open-world pokemon game.

They didn’t. They showed off a player character rolling into some bushes, and manually throwing a pokeball.

And that’s just the gameplay. Can’t we all agree this game is visual vomit? Just utterly fucking terrible to look at? There are literally fangames with SUCH better graphics. And there’s no excuse here like “oh it doesn’t LOOK like shit, looking-like-shit is its aesthetic!” No it just looks terrible on every level. The textures are so fucking muddy and stretched. The terrain is cobbled together and without inspiration; flat fields, angular hills, and randomly placed trees and bushes, all of which are rendered so badly that you can always see how 2D they are. The player models are uncomfortably stiff and expressionless. And the pokemon? The fucking pokemon?

Why do the pokemon look so fucking ugly? What’s the goddamn excuse? We see pokemon in the overworld, moving around and prancing about -- and they’re animated at like ten frames per second. That’s being generous! These pokemon look like they had three frames of animation to swap between! What the fuck is this?! Sword and Shield have overworld pokemon running around, and those didn’t need significant frame cuts! So how the hell did they manage to stumble so far backwards?! Why is this even a fucking challenge...?!?! Why do I have to be gaslit to believe that video games can’t do more than this? There are so many games doing so much, so much fucking more in even just one second of gameplay. So many games with intense graphics, explosive effects, tons of enemies and players on-screen, all this happening at once... sometimes online... and yet Pokemon still can’t even animate a fucking monkey dancing around in an empty field. What the fuck is the excuse here? How can they honestly show off this gameplay footage and feel proud of their work, without at least saying something like, “This is early-as-fuck test footage of the game, this is like one week into development, this is why it looks so ugly and unpolished.”

You know those throwaway junk games on Steam? That sell for like three or five dollars, and it’s just a really terrible FPS set in a generic wasteland environment? Yeah THOSE games look ten times better than this shit. There are so many pokemon fangames that exist that do this exact concept but DON’T look like utter garbage on the eyes at the same time. It’s baffling -- why is it so difficult for them to not make an ugly-as-sin game? Why does it have to be this way? How can the Switch host a game like BotW or Mario Odyssey but it can’t fucking handle Pokemon?

And this idea doesn’t even sound fun, the concept of being in the “ancient past” of the Sinnoh region just isn’t what I wanted. When I wanted an open-world Pokemon game, I expected it to be... you know, pokemon! I expected gyms or some kind of equivalent, I imagined it having modern sensibilities... But instead it’s this really gimmicky concept, because I guess the devs can’t possibly imagine the normal pokemon world even possibly engaging with something new and different -- no, we have to go to effectively a whole other planet just to let players have pokemon in an open world.

Ultimately these games are fucking disgusting to look at and it’s so disappointing to see them in this state. The DP remakes chose a cheap art style not because they thought it complemented Sinnoh or its story, but because it was the bare minimum to making the game and justifying a $60 price tag. Legends of Arceus has potential, but it’s showing right off the bat that it doesn’t have the manpower or passion behind it to actually live up to it, making it just another cash grab that relies on chasing the coattails of a more successful franchise. And both seem like insulting cheap answers to the two things die-hard pokemon fans have been asking for, making this situation all the worse.

The Pokemon Company doesn’t care, and neither do I anymore. I genuinely don’t see myself playing another pokemon game. It’s so sad because these games are full of potential, and a long-term commitment is obviously one of its appeals. But if this is the direction of the franchise, then fuck me. I don’t want to support ugly-as-hell spinoffs that exist only to shut up the fanbase, I hate how Sword and Shield came out and I hated how scummy the DLC was to add onto it. This series is blatantly trying to rob players by producing as absolute little as possible, they want to make money out of nothing, and I’m not coughing up that money anymore. This is ridiculous. Sword and Shield being so disappointing was one thing... the DLC being cashgrabs for material that should’ve just been post-game content was mind-numbing... but these two games looking like total garbage is on another level. It’s beyond disappointing; it’s insulting that they would even bother making these games with as little heart as they are, so clearly and obviously making games that they know players will shell out cash for regardless of its quality.

I hope the fanbase really matures and wisens up to this because that’s why we’re in this mess. You’re allowed to enjoy this “art style” of the DP remakes, you’re allowed to be hyped for the new gameplay of Legends... but please, for the love of god, have some higher standards than this. Please look at what other game companies can do with their games, and how much they charge, and how much fulfillment and content is in those games. We need to expect more from the literal most-profitable franchise of all time -- they have the resources, they have the capabilities, they choose to be lazy so that they can get as much money out of us as possible. It’s got to be put to an end. Please ask for more from these games. Please don’t settle for these games “because at least they’re still pokemon,” “because at least the pokemon battles are the same,” “because at least the older games are still technically playable.”

After all this, I just don’t believe Pokemon anymore when it tries to sell itself “to everybody.” That’s just plain not true. Their core audience is the dumbest of 10 year-olds and the dumbest of die-hard fans. They don’t care about their community any deeper than their wallets.

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