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prototypelq · 7 months

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The Most Unreliable Narrator I Have Ever Seen

soooooo I had a Cyberpunk-obsessed phase pass recently, and this time Johhny Silverhand's character caught my eye. His story, more specifically, and how... inconsistent he seems, depending on each source.

In the game, Johhny acts like a bastard for most of the game. He panic-rages on his first meeting with V, throws many threats around, but is later beaten into the background with the blocker pills Misty gave to V. Even Johnny's friends' are well, they react Loudly to his return. Y'know, make it known his presence alone provokes a lot of anger from them.

Even during his first appearance, when V gets thrown into Silverhand's memories of his SAMURAI concert, the only real thing V recalls is the all-consuming rage that he felt, which he tried to shout out through the microphone, but it never felt like enough.

And doesn't this sound weird then, that the only thing Johnny does throughout the game after that first meeting is help V out? He learns about the Smasher guy hideout at the docks (he does that through dubious means but that's Johnny for you), he helps V out when the seizures become worse, he calmly agrees to Any decision V makes, despite V clearly Not being in any real state to oppose him in the finale of the game, he plans the whole thing with "Alt" so V can get his body back at Johnny's own expense, from the beginning, and he doubles down on that claim at the end of the game.

Do you see the dissonance? The egoist rockerboy that admitted to using his friends to getting what he wants, and the downright self-sacrificing hero and a friend that is Johnny at the end of the game? People change, sure, but this divide is very massive and too sudden, so I wanted to dig into that. And what I've stumbled upon, with the help of canon Cyberpunk materials like the Red sourcebook (or, more specifically, LayedBackGamers' reading of the canon books and his lore videos on different topics), is that

Johhny Silverhand from Cyberpunk 2077 is the Most Unreliable Narrator I've Ever Seen.

Count with me here:

Johhny's personality in general. No matter what your interpretation of him his, it's impossible to ignore that Johhny is very much a people person and he exploits that knowledge and charisma to suit his own goals. If you choose to trust him, then you might have already been played.

2) Johhny has been alone, only his lovely self for 50+ years inside the Arasaka chip. Don't ask me how he is still even remotely sane, I haven't got a clue (hopefully the time as a construct without outside stimulation flies differently and he hasn't felt those 50 years in real time). The thing to mention here, however, is that, being alone with your thoughts and emotions for a long time, having nothing else for entertainment, is a great opportunity to rewrite your own memory of events or emotions you've felt.

3) Lack of a body. The aforementioned constant rage, that was the dominant emotion is Johnny's life (before Alt, at least, if Never Fade Away is anything to go by, and I mean, that's literally a love ballad), is a symptom of his PTSD from his too-young years serving in the corpo war, same as his signature silver hand. I'm not a specialist here, but I do know PTSD, especially for war veterans, is a physiological illness just as much as it is a mental one. Johnny's body literally had trouble living normally after that experience, and knowing this bastard - he never managed to treat that. Existing as a personality construct frees him from the many bonuses of being corporeal, but it also free him from the physiological side of PTSD. His day-to-day existence is fundamentally different from that of the Johnny Silverhand that the world knew 50 years ago, so yes, as a 'time traveler' or a source of information and comparison about the 70's and 20's of cyberpunk world Johhny is not a good source.

4) The chip with Johnny is literary inside the head of another person. The characters in game question, multiple times, just which decisions is V making on his own, and which of them might be Johnny's doing. Not consciously, no, but V and Johnny are clearly not your simple neighbours. They are not your 'close friends that start subconsciously copying each other' too. It is quite possible that the chip with Johhny is adapting to the 'hardware' it is running on, so it is specifically implementing parts of V's personality into Johnny, to minimize the 'friction' between the personality and the body it is supposed to inhabit. Everyone say hi to existential horror)

5) How does Soulkiller ever work? Is there data on how much the resulting engram actually resembles the person it tried to copy? How did the process of copying Johnny go? I can answer the last one - very badly.

Death of Johnny is told in excruciating detail in the Cyberpunk sourcebooks. Johnny died on the floor of Arasaka tower, torn in two by a shotgun blast from Smasher. There is no information on how much time it takes Soulkiller to create the engram from the brain, but it better have finished doing that before Johnny's brain started dying from a lack of blood and oxygen, and he clearly didn't have much time either, considering bisection is not the best for bodily fluid preservation, so it's a wonder the engram even works properly. Plus, during the initial heist to steal the chip with Johnny, the chip was damaged further before the idiots decided to stick an unknown harddrive into their heads to preserve it. Basically, it's nothing short of a miracle, that engram-Johnny is actually a whole damn person, that he can function, think and feel properly (well, as much as Johnny can do those things)

It is very sad that V can't talk to Johnny about this, as the man does blame himself over things he hasn't even done, and he had done enough emotional damage to himself and people around him without that kind of burden on top of it.

6) Johnny's memories are literally false. The attentive reader had to pick this up in my previous point - didn't Johnny die in the hands of Arasaka after they interrogated him? Nope. Nope, and I can say that confidently because,

(drumroll please)

Cyberpunk tabletop sourcebooks! Mike Pondsmith, the creator of the Cyberpunk universe and the TTRP series of games, has worked closely with CDPR writers during the production of the 2077. He oversaw everything, and he says that 2077 is in the same cyberpunk universe too, it's not an 'alternate reality' or anything.

Johnny Silverhand died while trying to buy time for his friends to escape, from a shotgun shot from Adam Smasher. That's it, he died on that floor, there was noone to interrogate, no rooftop helicopter he ran for.

The sequence of 'memories' we see from Johnny's POV in the game is a mishmash of two different assaults on the Arasaka towers, yes towers there were two of them. There is a great video explaining all the small and Major details Johnny's version of events got wrong, because we have the sourcebooks and the text inside. You may accuse me of holding a 'holy canon' argument ... and well, yeah, this is kind of holy knowledge, as it was written for gamemasters.

Still, some of the things in Johnny's version are Major, and while the media certainly covered the whole story extensively with corpo propaganda (oh, btw, Johnny didn't bomb anything, he probably didn't even know there was a nuke involved, he is literally just a scapegoat), there are some holes that a citizen of this world might know and wish to poke. The aforementioned Two Arasaka towers, or the absence of the legendary solo Morgan Blackhand from Johnny's story. Interestingly enough, there is a radiostation of Maximum Mike in-game, who is actually just pretty much Mike Pondsmith, and he does propose a couple of questions the 'official' version of the attack doesn't cover (like, where would a rockerboy even get a nuke, he might have been popular, but that's not just something you find without military contracts, and that means corporations). Another thing is that since Arasaka owns Soulkiller and has had the engram for a couple of decades, it is quite possible they are the ones responsible for messing with Johnny's memories.

So uh, yeah, Johnny is the Most Unrealible Narrator I have ever seen. Johnny of 2077 is most certainly not the Johnny of 2020's, but this might be a good thing. Maybe the 'real' 2020's Silverhand could never have made the progress the engram did, or become such a good friend and companion for V, or maybe he could have done those things too. We'll never know. I really love this story anyway.

#thanks for reading #johnny totally deserves a second chance at life after this why cant he and johnny show alt the finger and delta out of there #so v could live out his days and then johnny would take over #on the other hand johnny is a great example that being an engram is not the end so maybe v could come back in some sort of form later #after giving alt the finger #btw thats not alt either that's probably just an ai that caught little wind of actual alt and just calls itself her #also alt herself might be alive but that story is WEIRD so no idea #cyberpunk lore is great i had an amazing time listening to it and discovering new things #mike pondsmith is also amazing heard a cyberpunk red campaign he mastered and listening to him has been a blast he is a true storyteller #cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk red #legends of night city #mike pondsmith #johnny silverhand #phantom liberty #this is the first and last time I praise cdpr after that back to hate for the ps4 version of the game i go #and for refusing to update the game for that platform and for not releasing the dlc for it and for upping the system reqs even higher #ill live to see actual 2077 before I get access to hardware that can run that shit #btw existential horror enjoyers I sure do hope you have heard of SOMA )))#oh i also dont think johnny was that bad in life either like he was bad but rogue and kerry are clearly happy to have him back so the game #must've shown just a very low time for him he had to be a good friend to earn that kind of loyalty still could behave like a bastard tho

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anonymusbosch · 26 days

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sometimes i feel like extending the kindness you can, when you can, is the only thing there is

#two days ago on the train home from work there was a woman next to me with three very young kids.#she was trying to keep them in the seats #exasperated and tired and yelling.#trying to make a phone call as the kids swung on the handrails and did cartwheels in the train car #i wasn't trying to listen to the call but caught that somebody had died in a station.#I tried to mind my business for a few minutes;#the kids bounced around as their mom tried to wrestle them down and took a swig from a bottle of vodka in their wagon.#when there was a break in her phone call i said “this is none of my business but if you want me to keep the kids busy I can try to help.”#and she said “you're not gonna be able to. they're being real bad. but you can try.”#so I took some post-its out of my backpack and folded them tiny paper cranes #(I tried showing them how to fold cranes but they were far too young for fine motor skills.)#I stuck post-its to the seats and gave them my pens so they could scribble and draw.#I told them I'd draw them anything they wanted if they sat in the seats while I drew.#I challenged them to a breath-holding contest.#When one started showing me that he could do cartwheels in the car aisle I asked him to come sit down and I could draw him doing a flip.#All in all I think they ended up more or less in the vicinity of the seats almost all of the time and having some kind of fun -#I almost missed my stop. I gathered my pens and pencils back from the kids and picked up the post-it confetti from the floor #and when I was putting my helmet on and grabbing my bike the kids waved goodbyeand the mom looked grateful #and told the kids to all say goodbyelike clearly they were in rough times #like clearly they were in rough times #money. health. holding on #there is so much I can't give #but I can give twenty-five minutes

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enbysiriusblack · 3 months

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"Reg, I'm going out to Ray's."

Regulus glanced up from his desk to Sirius standing in his doorway, "Okay."

"I'll probably be there for a few hours at least."

"Okay", Regulus nodded, turning back to his desk.

Sirius' fingers drummed against the doorframe, "Did you... want to come with me? Ray might have some Grétry in stock?"

Regulus narrowed his eyes, "We haven't gone to Raymond's together in years."

Sirius shrugged, "So?"

"So why now?"

"We might not... be able to again."

"Why wouldn’t we? Raymond isn't closing down, he has one of the most successful music shops in London."

Sirius huffed, "He's not shutting down, it's just- Well, you never know what will happen. What if this is our last chance? Come on, Reg. We used to love going to Ray's together."

Regulus stared at Sirius for a moment before turning back around to his book, "I'm busy at the minute. Bellatrix sent me a new book on Ancient potion making and it's really quite interesting."

Sirius glanced to the new poster Regulus had hung above his desk, no doubt sent by Bellatrix along with the book. The snake moved, coming from the mouth of the skull and slithering around the edge of the poster.

"Right. Well then, if your little potion book gets dull then come to Ray's."

Sirius shut the door and left.

Regulus instantly stood up, grabbing his favourite jumper and making his way to Sirius' room. He opened Sirius' wardrobe doors, noting the only clothes left hung up were items chosen by their mother. He reached into the back of the wardrobe, immediately feeling a large duffel bag and pulled it out. Regulus opened it to find all Sirius' real belongings- muggle clothes, pictures of his friends, and records of rock music.

He neatly folded his jumper and placed it in the duffel bag before zipping it back up and putting it back where he had found it.

Regulus refused to go to Ray's. It would only make it harder when Sirius left. The best thing to do was to move on. Replace a wild, loud, impulsive sibling with a new one, one who wouldn't leave him or think worse of him for doing right by his family.

Regulus went back to his own room and started a letter to Bellatrix.

#sirius wanting one last day with his brother before he has to cut him off in order to free himself from the family #but reg not seeing it like that and thinking sirius hates him now so trying to replace him with someone who won't look down at him #(feeling bad for bella getting caught up in this. she's just getting a bunch of emo letters by her little cousin <\3)#*clutching sirius and reg* these bitches CANNOT communicate.#marauders era #marauders #sirius black #regulus black #the black family #the black brothers #my writing

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fallloverfic · 4 months

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Episode 192 of the ORV manhwa is amazing

Uriel @ Dokja:

#this entire chapter is fucking hilarious #orv #omniscient reader's viewpoint #they did it so well #yoo joonghyuk #uriel singing this song at dokja #poor Dokja he's having a bad day #just ignore where the song came from this is all I heard when uriel started talking #everyone like there sure is one person dokja has a LOT of CAMARADERIE WITH #uriel caught between knowing the truth and not wanting YJH to be the one to kill him #love her #Spotify #전지적 독자 시점

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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year

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Watching episode one of Voyager is like watching the first act of a horror movie

#also I completely forgot that Tom Paris was part of the Maquis - and that he was only IN it for like a week before getting caught #Tom saw Janeway action figure posing the second she met him and was like 'fuck I'm not gonna let her be cooler than me'#(she is - effortlessly)#they want him so badly to be a playboy bad guy but he's just...HEHEHE he's SO whatever #Quark what do you MEAN 'cash or credit' ???? do humans HAVE /cash/??? HEHEHEH #Tom saw Harry Kim and IMMEDIATELY is down so bad v_v #It's fun seeing some members of the original crew ~#'see you in a few weeks' OOF...........OOOOUUGHHHHH That hurts.......OOOUGH.#The Harry - Tom - Popular Guys subplot i s sooo highschool its crazy HEHEH #Tom thinks he's like the brooding bad boy but he's the nerdy girl who gets picked on until one day the popular guy says #'hey - leave Tom alone.' and smiles at him afterwards #'the ghost of those 3 dead officers came to me in the middle of the night and taught me the true meaning of christmas'#Harry (not well versed on by now ANCIENT childrens fables): ????what????#Tom Paris: It's a long story Harry and I'm tired of telling it.#Also Tom Paris two seconds later: IT ALL STARTED FRESHMAN YEAR.#I also forgot the Maquis ship went missing first and Starfleet was searching for debris...#how long has T'Pel thought her husband might be straight up dead?? How long has he been undercover? How long since they spoke???#(thinks about people whose loved ones died in episode one...thinks about them hearing that Voyager and some of its crew DID survive but #the person they loved did not - that there was never any chance of them returning)#Janeway's hair is so BRIGHT in this episode #'Harry - wait for me!' <- Tom in one line #I also love the creepy barn party 'don't look in there~! don't look in there~!' Voyager should have leaned way more into horror for REAL #Janeway's eyes widening when she sees Tuvok ~!! <3 she thought he could be dead!!! I wonder if she talked to T'Pel about it #Tuvok: (goes missing) Janeway: Don't worry T'Pel I'll bring him back to you if it's the last thing I d- (goes missing)#Caretaker after snatching up the Maquis: Starfleet has the chance to do something hilarious #Janeway (being stabbed): aa.. ..a!h...hh.. / Harry: (being stabbed) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Chakotay looking to Tuvok like 'do we trust her?' and Tuvok being like absoluuuuuteeeely <3 go for it <3 #Tuvok's voice is different~!!! It's quieter~!! Interesting~!! I love him <3 #TUVOK YOU DID /NOT/ GET /CHANGED/ BEFORE MEETING THEM ON THE ARRAY HEHEHHEE #'She wanted to know if she had time to send it...I had to tell her no.' AAAAAAAAA.....AAAA

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moe-broey · 8 days

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GOD. HELP. PLEASE FORNTHE LOVE OF GOD. HELP ME <- is slightly self-conscious and extremely worried about doing something Incorrectly

#like i promise my og piece for today was sharena centric I PROMISE. I SWEAR. I PROMISE. ON MY LIFE. I SWEAR #like a rule i set for myself was to include alfonse as little as possible and if he's there he's just There #like i was rambling to my sister about it the other day but like. alfonse is an extremely important part of sharena's life #and like sharena is luigi. younger sibling syndrome. ofc she's gonna bring him up he's a huge part of her life #i still don't have the proper words for it but i said it's like misogyny ouroboros. specific phenomenon #where someone is soooo caught up in perceived misogyny (whether it's there or not) that like.#they don't even give the female chara a chance. like eg camilla or charlotte immediately being written off for being oversexualized #and this type of person ONLY focuses on that and refuses to actually engage w camilla or charlotte as characters #under the guise of like. caring about women. and maybe they do! but the way you're doing it you're eating yourself.#and how this relates back to sharena is like. that 'let female characters exist outside of their male counterparts'#WHICH. SOUNDS GOOD. ON THE SURFACE. but like i feel like it's too easy for some people #to see a female chara have a significant tie to a male chara and immediately decide to write her off as 'just that'#when like. ESPPPP in sharena's case. and esppp in alfonse's case. two things are happening here #sharena and alfonse have VERY different ways of expressing their affection for each lther #sharena more overt and alfonse way more subtle. and then there's the mario and luigi thing happening #where mario exists and stands on his own as The Main Guy. objectively #meanwhile luigi is just always thinking about mario and how cool he is. cause he looks up to him #and like idk idk i am not a mario expert i can't do a full analysis/comparison here but like. that's the dynamic they have.#NONE OF THIS IS RELEVANT. or maybe it's Barely Adjacent. to the entry i'm gonna submit #BUT I FEEL SO BAD.... my big piece had sooooooo much more storytelling i promise...........#the one i'm about to post I PROMISE YOU. it's just concept art and the focus was Not primarily on alfonse i swear to god

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frobby · 2 months

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boy son and girl daughter are the only characters who matter in kaiju no.8

#yall think im joking but im not #can i complain for a second?#i think kaiju no. 8 is one of the most clear examples of shounen degredation that ive seen in something that hasnt been axed #ok so im caught up but i havent read the spinoff and like #who even are these character?#what do we know about kafka other than his motivations????#uhh hes middle aged and ummmm hes childhood friends with mina.......... uhhhhh hes nice?#yall its been 100 chapters #that extends to literally every character #boy son( reno) what do we know about him #we know his sad backstory but like we dont even know what he was doing prior to taking the exam #girl daughter (kikoru) we know more about but shes got other story problems #but i still dont think i could list anything other than her involvement with kaijus #it just feels like we've went from big action to big action and it feels hollow cuz i barely know these people #and i get it maybe we learn more about them from the spinoff #but i shouldnt have to read a spinoff.... to know the main character #after 100 chapters #and its really not even the authors fault #the character interactions we get? ARE GOOD #its just so apparent that this is what happens when you have to always be amping up the action to not get cancelled #we're losing so much #if you asked me who my favorite character was and what about them i liked i dont think i would be able to honestly answer #and thats sad #kaiju no. 8 #sorry this is a really complainy post i just i really wanted to like this manga #and its not even bad its just disapointing #on a brighter note after binging the whole thing in like a day i had a dream set in the universe #and it was like kafka and mina's relationship but instead of childhood friends it was 2 guys who were actually married #so it gave me that at least

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nerosdayinanime · 7 months

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wanna make my own kny httyd au

#httyd movies are good but. theyre kid plots yk?#not a bad thing but i wanna use the wolrdbuilding more. like cmon its fucking DRAGONS man #so far giyuu & tsutako live in a little seaside village that regularly gets raided by dragons mostly stealing their livestock (and anyone #caught in surprise undefended) one night hes out doing errands he forgot to do during the day (doesnt want to dissapoint tsutako)#and gets caught out in a raid. hes running for cover and comes across a juvenile dragon. hes scared shitless and frozen as it creeps closer #and closer until he can feel its hot breath sniffing at him. curious purple eyes stare into his own. a loud fireball explodes near them #and the dragon nudges him away from the carnage. tsutako sees a dragon near him and flips her shit. ready to die trying to keep #her baby brother alive. he screams at her to stop- shoving the dragon away as she screams for him to get away from it #dragon flees and tsutako drags him home stressed out her gourd but thankful hes alive.#later on hes out walking in the woods to get away from it all (the other kids dont like him very much) and comes across the dragon again #he ends up making friends with it and names it sabito ('rust' for his orange-red coloration & 'rabbit' for the little hops he does)#comes across all the little dragon quirks as he hangs out- meanwhile back in the village they need more warriors to fight off the dragons #giyuu gets forced into training for it despite his (& tsutako's) protests. time comes to training against actual dragons and he miraculousl #survives using his knowledge of quirks hes learned from sabito- it astonishes /everyone/ bc hes a wimpy little fuck #yadda yadda he accidentally becomes top student just trying to avoid actually hurting the dragons and gets assigned to kill the Big Bad One #they release the beast and it crawls around the top chain netting for a bit before it notices giyuu. it drops to the floor and slowly #advances towards him. giyuu intentionally drops his weapon & shield and steps towards it with big wet scared eyes. everyone's shocked and #tsutakos screaming for them to call it off. the dragon stops posturing and sniffs at him- lets him gently pet its nose. he quietly pleads #with it to go back into its cell as guards are hurrying to get into the arena with them. the dragon looks around at them & at the sky befor #looking back at giyuu's sad eyes promising theyll both be safer if it goes back in. it hesitantly does so and giyuu locks the doors back as #the guards get to him and drag him to the village leader's hall to get the scolding of his life #he tries to reason with them that the dragons arent bad but they hit back with 'so what are we supposed to do boy. starve as we let the #dragons take all of our food? grow up. /we cant live in harmony with them.'/#hes fucked up over it & everyone starts treating him as even more of an outcast than before.#one night while tsutako's doing dishes 'tako-nee?' quietly called out. 'what giyuu?' she doesnt even turn to glance at him.#she /always/ stops to give her full attention when he calls for her like that. his heart sinks to the floor. 'goodnight' barely keeping #the crack of his voice away. 'goodnight giyuu'#she awakes the next morning to no response. an empty house. she finds a red shirt of hers missing & a note #giyuu's neat writing shakey & slowly delving into a messy scrawl as it furthers along. one- two odd dried spots on the letters turned to #countless (/27/) blotches in the ink before it fully dried. 'im sorry' left pristine atop the worst of it at the very bottom.

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risingsunresistance · 1 year

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i lied so hard on that old post of ppl saying they'd never been through this before and asking if it gets better and i talked about edd and said it does get better. i was 11 and did not process what happened and moved on and thought that i had "accepted it," now im 21 and actually realize what's going on and it is NOT getting better

#tw death #chat #this SUCKS man. WHY DOES IT KEEP GETTING *WORSE*#it would help if literally anything normal could happen in my life for like. 3 days. that's all i need #did yall hear about the spill in ohio. it got in the ohio river. so now our water is being monitored #gas leak where my uncle lives. so bad the entire stretch of road is closed #got like 3 people dead 1 in the hospital and literally no one will give me updates on her #im DESPERATELY trying to graduate between all this and im job shadowing under a freak of a man and he kinda scares me #ever since my dog died i have been on a downhill spiral man #scooter died a while back btw. i just didnt say anything bc i didnt wanna make ppl sad #it was cancer...#i am trying to climb back up this hill i've been thrown down im really trying this time but people keep throwing rocks at me JKFHSDG #''stay positive'' i say covered in blood #anyways my birthday is in less than a month. cool #at least i didnt have to be home for the super bowl for the first time ever. absolute god send #also i've caught like 6 shinies in the past couple days. FOUR OF THEM were full odds and also back to back. wack #finally got my shiny bronzor i love bronzor have i ever told you guys that. he is JUST a circle #h #vent #idk how to tag this i just dont wanna throw it in ppl's faces on what should be a kinda nice day lol #but i wanna say it eventually bc i've held back for too long #and now im worried abt ppl back home bc im stuck at the dorm and i have a test and a paper due soon #i need a BREAK. not spring break. i need a BREAK break. i need to grab everyone and go to the beach or something #or just. stay in a nice hotel for a day or two. waste some money #drive everyone to falcon overlook or something so they can see the hills like i did #fun road to drive it's all bendy hehe

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yuridovewing · 1 year

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phone died so i couldn't post, but im gonna be like au speculating as i go through these and i want a good amount of them to be Somewhat rooted in canon? and man i gotta figure out whats just the erins being bad at establishing genuine connections between characters and a character genuinely being distant.

anyways is it just me or does bramblestar feel very distant from his children here

#he has a nice talk with alderpaw when he fails to catch anything on day 1 but he feels weirdly emotionless towards them?#i mean im a ''bramble is a bad dad to both litters'' truther but im wondering how much is like intentional #or me just looking too much into things #actually i wont take too many piss shots at the fandom here (too many)#but this person sucks so ill do it real quick. i actually think dr********r's au where brambles a bad dad to alder #is interesting in concept. like hes ashamed of his kid for not being a great hunter so he shoves him in the medicine den #and later into another clan #buuuuuut tbh i dont really like the way they went about it? like bramble berating alder in the den doesnt feel right #bramble is more the passive aggressive type i feel. at least in my au he is #sometimes more aggressive than passive but thats his main form of being towards his family #like. he doesnt physically abuse squilf. but he DOES berate and isolate her #and idk to his kids i guess him being verbally abusive would work for his character? but it doesnt feel right to me #i think if i had to go at that au itd be more like. bramble keeps negging his kid. getting at his skin #not talking to him in public even when alder calls out his name. downplaying his achievements #''oh. you finally caught a mouse. ok. thats good progress i suppose. keep at it''#idk subtle stuff like that that eats at alder's insecurities over and over and over until he snaps #and THATS when bramble snaps at him. then he pins the blame on alder for snapping first #and then he goes on about how alder is embarassing him and needs to ''go do something else''#and alder chooses to be a medicine cat on his own but its bc hes been worn down and is ashamed of his skills #rather than him being shoved in the den bc ngl i really dislike the idea that being a doctor is ass #and you go be a doctor when youre a failure at everything #if i had to do it id have alder deciding be one bc he feels like hes horrible at what his dad does #and maybe actually i wouldnt keep him as a medicine cat. idk why i dont like him being one but i dont. maybe ill see why later #but he decides its not for him and goes back to being a warrior without his dad breathing down his neck.#wait i was talking abt the shadowclan au. or he goes to shadowclan instead yippee #avos liveread

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jonny-b-meowborn · 11 months

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I know I don't have to justify my yesterday's breakdown after seeing my mom's ex, but I just want to make it clear how much I hate this man.

When I was ~14 years old one night I heard/witnessed an argument between them so bad, that the next morning I ran away to my sister. Back then she used to live in this small town near mine, but there was no public transport connecting the towns and she doesn't have a driver's license, so she hitchhiked to pick me up, and we walked along the road until someone picked us up. I left a note at home to my mom, saying where I am and that I don't want to come back as long as her partner lives with us. She didn't acknowledge the contents of the note, but she read it. I ignored her texts and calls the whole day, until in the afternoon she texted me that if I don't come back right now to take care of my younger brother (he was ~8 then) I won't be allowed to visit my cousin the entire winter break. So basically she didn't even ask me to come back because she was worried, but because she wanted me to look after my sibling, and she pretty much blackmailed me to come back. And I had to come back that afternoon, but since it was january it was dark already, and really cold, and no one wanted to pick us up for like half the way. The town my sister lived in wasn't too far, it is a walkable distance, but like, we walked for like over two hours in the cold before someone drove us to my town. And mom never acknowledged the whole situation, she was just angry but didn't talk about any of it. So yeah. I think if his presences made me do that I'm absolutely justified in panicking when I see him now.

#my sister always had very delicate skin so she got frostbite on her hands when she was walking me back #her gloves kinda. stuck to her bleeding hands bc it was so cold and dry #i caught a cold #it was awful #at least we watched a fun movie while i was there iirc #and that was the day when i told my sister how bad it is at home #she knew some of it cause they started dating before she moved out #she didnt know how violent it got though. she suspected it but needed me to confirm it #like those years when they were together were some of the worst years of my life #and it's terrifying that mom refuses to acknowledge the abuse and the trauma #she did for a moment after they broke up #we could finally freely talk about how bad it was. i could express how much i hate the man #but now shes seeing him again #idk if theyre dating or just hanging out but even if they literally just talked id still be upset #she deserves better but at some point i cant help being angry at her for doing this to herself #im still angry at her for letting him get so close to our place yesterday. he didnt come inside but just being at the door is enough #im still jumpy and scared that he might come again #i genuinely hope that one day someone will hit him with a car or beat him to a pulp #bee buzz

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woahajimes · 1 year

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why am i crying outside the donut shop

#1. there used to be only one guy in charge of the mini donut place and it was the best fucking place like the donuts were delicious and #so aesthetic and round and poofy and that man had an art degree bc. (ykwim)#like i used to go to the place and just chat with him bc he was the only one and he'd give me extra donuts and he was just so nice #something happened to him and he doesnt work there but now there's a new guy and i went and he was very quiet and younger (still late 30s)#so now he's like the only new guy there i guess #the donuts were terrible #they were like shrively(?) and poorly decorated but it was near close and i could tell he had a bad day and idk they were terrible but the #taste was fine and he seemed genuinely sad and the previous customer got mad at him and he was so tired and why am i crying #2. also today at my own work a lady tried to steal and she tried to walk away with the cart but i like caught up to her bc i was interactin #w/ her before and she's like 'im gonna spray you'' and when i dont back away she says "im gonna call my brother to come r*pe you''#like uh #and then my coworker intervened but from far and it was a little scary i was def paranoid.

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justalittlebluetiefling · 2 years

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Our new kitten has ringworm, so we’ve had to keep her separate from the other cats and my cat (Rex) and her keep trying to break her out so they can see each other again. I made a joke that it’s like a romcom and my partner goes, “Yeah, except it’s a Woody Allen movie.” and anyway I hate that it was so funny.

#he's 7 and she's 3 1/2 months now #i was mostly just joking about how mad they are that they can't hang out #and how they're both just hanging out by the door talking to each other all day #she has broken out and tackled him to the ground multiple times #and by breaking out i mean that she fucking sprints through our feet when we open the door to feed her or something #so far no one else in the house has caught it but we're going to be lucky if we get through this in one course i think #personal #also he's now sick with a uri #and has a smoker's meow #and i feel so bad for him #and the oldest cat had to get some biopsies last week #anyway our house is a disaster

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jemmo · 2 years

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my sister watches bad buddy - ep 7

- omg their faces are already close. he’s gonna bite his nose. i wanna bite pat’s nose

- pran be like “for someone who says they don’t like me, you seem to like me”

- don’t worry mom I just got sent actual porn

- what a euphemism. you’ve gotta blow it first

- i don’t think i look that different when I take my glasses off

- did his mom just say go be gay

- you have cute dimples - i agree

- “she’s about to get squided” “by what” “ink”

- i think it’s a running joke at family dinners that pat turned ink gay

- write down the position you want (for the play). pran resists writing down the word bottom

- how do you have your sister sharing your room and not have her find out about your secret boyfriend

- pa asks if it’s a boy or a girl. don’t even ask i’ve had that issue too

- wouldn’t it be cute if their wedding rings had just friends inscribed on them

- is he gonna change the printer again? He did that so well last time

- this isn’t the first time ink caused some tension between them

- he’s so smitten. look at him

- *pat takes his shirt off* this is a great montage

- pran’s like “that’s a nice story where can i find it, kindle store?” and wai’s like “more like ao3”

- he isn’t behind the shelves of my library (she works in a library)

- pran may as well as put dtf on his door

- love that pat is trying to make him swoon but pran’s like ok what if we fucked

- “tasty and beneficial” pat: that’s what i call my dick

- well this is feral. this is like soft porn

- *youtube ad comes up* good they know I needed a break

- 🚨🚨he’s down he’s down🚨🚨

- i mean this is not a joke anymore

- don’t tickle me i’m rock hard

- it’s the juice i rlly like the juice

- no we already know this

- pa’s like i’m related to you but i’m not stupid

- pran’s like i can’t (do the auditions) bc pat’s gonna turn up and he’s gonna be gay with someone else and my jealousy is gonna show

- this ep is rlly for the xylophone fans isn’t it

- pat: i’m such a good actor

pran: you’re playing you, gay enemies to lovers, this is your life

- oh he’s got a lil crush good for wai except no it’s not gonna work out for him

- pran’s like aww you guys (pat and ink) are cute friends now i’m not horrendously jealous

- pat looks so soft rn *ad comes on* awwww they took him from me

- it’s like they’re 69ing with nivea

- pat: i’m leaving and i’m taking my nivea with me *comes back in an hour* i’m not forgiving you i just forgot my cotton pads

- pran’s like i need you to beat a guy up for me

- “i tried everything” “did you suck his dick?” “no” “well try that”

- shit it happened i fell in love with him

- there was no game… bc he’d already lost

- wow they rlly caved quickly

- “you’re ending the foreplay already” “we’ve been in the foreplay phase for 6 years”

- imagine falling in love with a man while he’s playing the xylophone

#this one is to this day one of her fave eps of bad buddy #like if she adored pat before he is now top 10 men #and her top 10 includes all of stray kids so basically after her own faves it’s pat #she’s a lil bit addicted #and also she’s still super bi for ink #it’s a problem #also I’m so behind on these that my little sister has caught up to this ep too #she’s having the best time but I can’t dictate what she says bc she’s too funny and too fast and I can’t keep up #bad buddy #made by jemmo

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