#and he still loves them very much and both soap and his sister have adhd and his sister has a reoccurring hyperfixation on birds | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natelia-aldelliz · 1 year

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1 : Soap never had any idea that woman wanted him carnally, he's not the most observant on that front (he never noticed Ghost flirting with him and thought his love was one-sided for the longest time, but tbf Ghost was also very discreet about it)

2 : He sewed the hat, eyepatch and hook himself, because he's the best uncle and then got distracted as he was wrapping it up, so now he's watching a tutorial on youtube about how to build a voice box. Honestly how hard could it be, he builds explosive devices as a hobby (listen, Price doesn't have to know)

3 : He is out to his family, but doesn't want his mum to know he has a boyfriend because he knows she'll insist on meeting him and welcoming him to the family and making a big deal out of this, and he knows that Ghost isn't ready for that.

4 : Christmas is obviously a very hard time for Ghost, but he is very very in love with Soap and some days still can't believe that it's mutual, but then his Johnny does something like that and his head gets quieter while he's melting a bit.

5 : For the people that didn't see my other post : the bird is a Caique parrot, and they're supposedly very energetic, a bit loud, medium sized, unintelligible, very friendly to what they consider their family, adventurous and danger prone, with an explosive personality and a hate of boredom, so basically the adhd bird.

#cod mw2 #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost is hard edges and sharp knives but simon is babygirl #i tried my best to make soap's sister look as much like soap as possible #as someone whose siblings look nothing like them i find it hilarious i have no idea why i swear i have the weirdest sense of humour #hc that simon's very first wait no second actually bc i feel like the first special interest for every child with autism is dinosaurs #but wait plot twist birds are dinosaurs so still hc that simon's first (or second if you want) special interest was birds #and he still loves them very much and both soap and his sister have adhd and his sister has a reoccurring hyperfixation on birds #and soap thinks ghost and his sister could get along very easily and is waiting very impatiently for the day ghost is ready and he can #introduce him to his family #but also ghost is very wary of families and especially since there's a young child because he's scared that he'll bring them death like he #feels he did to his own family #i initially wanted to colour it but then i wondered why my brain was working against me and very quickly decided that colouring all that #would be a nightmare and that i already hate colouring so why would i want to torture myself #anyway pls be nice with me i've given all i had to make this lmao

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shrike-nest · 3 years

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D&D Character Ask Post

In Honor of D&D, Here are 100 Questions answered about my character Alistair. Done from a prompt reposted by @mechmech and @scatterpatter , and also gonna tag my DM @aerial-ace97

What Does He Smell like: Ozone, Sandalwood, Pine

Voice: A light baritone, sometimes slipping into a bit of a lit from his native island (similar to a Scottish brogue/Irish lit)

Motivator: Before he met his group? Power and Adrenaline. Now? Redemption.

Most embarrassing memory: (TW: Animal Death) He doesn’t really remember this as he was terribly drunk at the time, but he and his crew stopped in a city that held goats as a sacred animal. With a terribly “bright” idea, he wondered how far a goat could fly? Because goats fly. Throws the goat off of the third floor of a building. Then proceeds to have a not very respectful Coffin Dance-style funeral for said goat.

How does he react to pain: Lots of swearing and anger.

What does he wear: He wears dragon scale armor that has three deep gouges in it from where he was previously killed. A faded and slightly ragged admiral style coat on top, leather breeches, and give this man some high calf pirate boots. He also always wears a green headband to keep his hair back, and occasionally an eyepatch to hide his demonic eye.

Most positive relationship: In terms of character development, it might be Torvid, as Torvid inspires Alistair to be a better moral person. In terms of wholesomeness? His partner/hopefully soon fiancé, Atwater. Atwater was able to show Alistair that he can have positive love in his life, without having to fight so hard for it.

The weirdest thing he has ever eaten: Corren’s cooking

Sleep: He suffers from nightmares and now more recently night terrors. Because he technically doesn’t need to sleep from effects of his class, he often chooses not to. However, when he does sleep, he sleeps hard, snores lightly, and octopus cuddles anything in his bed.

Favorite food/ kinda food: He actually really loves a dish similar to pao de queijo (Brazillian Cheese Bread).

Most insecure about: His ability of being a leader.

Like to wear: He enjoys fairly tight fitting clothing to prevent too much flapping when he flies or moves around quickly.

How do they react to feelings of guilt: Denial and self doubt

React to betrayal: A very quick and violent anger that chills to a long lasting and cold hatred. He doesn’t forgive easily.

Greatest achievement: After being mutinied against by his former crew, being wanted and supported as a leader for his current adventuring party

Too little sleep: Pretty robotic, but he doesn’t get exhausted anymore or feel any physical effects of not getting sleep due to his class.

What are they like drunk: He’s a very cheerful and boisterous drunk. Makes and laughs at many jokes. Can fall into a melancholy pretty easily though if he thinks on certain thoughts too long. Deflects with humor!

Music likes: 80s hair band music, and 70s-80s rock.

Right or left-handed: Right handed

Fears: He’s claustrophobic, but also has a fear of being vulnerable and getting his heart broken again.

Favorite weather: Sunny Day with a slight chill.

Favorite color: He really likes blue.

Collect anything: Well technically he used to collect gold and other high priced artifacts. He doesn’t really collect anything anymore.

Hot or cold weather: This man controls the weather. He enjoys his thermostat of life to be at a nice 70 degrees F.

Eye color: His natural eye color is an emerald green. His left eye is a demon cat eye, with a gold iris and black sclera.

Race/ ethnicity: He’s a human in the world of Sekrezia, but in IRL, he’s probably northern UK.

Hair color: Ginger/Auburn, with some sun-bleached streaks in it.

Happy where they are currently: … Well his adopted sister and brother just died in the last game so nah. BUT- as kind of a whole, he’s happy to be where he is now as a person compared to how he used to be.

Morning person: Yup. He tends to wake with the sun if he sleeps, and once he’s awake- he’s awake.

Sunrise or sunset: He loves the sunset. It calms and amazes him that he survived another day.

Messy or organized: He’s messy. Kind of an ADHD procrastination kind of messy.

Pet peeves: Disloyalty, undeserved ego trips, other weather veins that mess with his control of the weather,

Objects of significant importance: O’Malley, his halberd. He earned his weapon when he became a captain, and it has saved his life numerous times after.

Least favorite food: After being stuck in a cave for over a year? Anything with mushrooms.

Least favorite color: He’s not a fan of dark reds or browns. Reminds him too much of dried blood. (oooh edgelord)

Least favorite smell: Cauterized Flesh, Rotting Fish

The last time they cried: Last game. But before that? When he found out that Torvid killed his father. Before before that? When Atwater died. Before before before that? When he woke up alone in the desert after the mutiny.

Were they with anyone when they cried: His party. His party and both sides of the war that was going on. And no one.

One time they got injured: He actually died in a fight with a dragon, not with the dragon, but with a bat crony of the dragon.

Scars: He’s got a scar in the shape of a jagged p on his right cheek, a claw scar from when his eye was gouged out, and he also has the marks from the bat crony when he died. Alistair also has lightning scars on his arms that led to minor nerve damage that occurred when he first was learning how to use his magic.

Mental health issues: ADHD, Depression, Anxiety

Bad habits: Lashing out when he doesn’t know how to process his emotions

Why might someone dislike him: … Lemme get the list. So if we ignore the fact that he used to be a feared sky pirate, earning the nickname “Orphaner of the Skies”… he can be a flippant asshole sometimes. He can often forget to stay in touch and update people on important topics. Also, some may dislike him because he insists on being their dad (*cough* CORREN *cough*)

Why might someone love him: Alistair is very loyal to those he trusts and he can often fall into caretaker type tendencies.

Believe in ghosts: Yeah. He’s seen them and fought them. Also dated one.

Anyone they would trust with their life: Mecha, Corren, Tristan, Atwater, Jerry, Mephistopheles, and Torvid.

Romantically interested in anyone: Atwater!

Dating/ Married: He is currently dating Atwater

Like surprises: Not really

Birthday: His weave day is in Summer, Sibelya 13th.

Celebrate their birthday: He used to. Doesn’t really anymore, mostly because he hasn’t had much reason to celebrate or the time.

Family: His parents are dead, but he still has his adopted aunt Imelda. He also views Tristan as his brother, Corren as his little brother, Mecha as his sister. Atwater is his romantic partner, and he is now the step father of Atwater’s child, Crestwell. He also is the adopted father of Liam (deceased) and Liam’s twin sister, Serana.

Close to their family: Yes

MBTI type: ENTP

Zodiac signs: His Sekrezian Sign is Xamatang, The Coming Storm

Hogwarts house: Gryffindor

Alignment; Chaotic Neutral but he’s steadily making his way towards Chaotic Good

Nightmares: Yes. Often about his ex, Ghost. He also has nightmares about losing those he considers family.

View on death: If it happens, it happens. Once someone is at peace, leave them be.

Something they always laugh at: Seeing his group smile and joke around.

When bored, what do they do: Fly, tinker with magic, practice magic, research magic.

Enjoy the outside: Very much so.

Accent: I can’t replicate it, but I imagine it’s somewhere between a Scottish and Irish accent. However it has faded as he hasn’t been home in a very long time.

Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, the first reaction: *Poke it*, *Look at it*, *Look around*… *Shrug*, My cake now.

If they knew they were going to die what would they do/ say: He would find his party, if he can- gives them hugs, and hopefully be able to die watching the sunset. “Find what makes you happy and hold on to it. You all deserve to have happiness in your lives.”

Feelings about sex: He likes it. He also has a pretty damn high libido.

Sexuality: Bisexual

Squeamish around blood: Somewhat. It makes him uncomfortable now because he’s scared that he likes the sight of it still.

Anything they find gross: Rotting bodies and decaying bodies.

TV trope: Father Figure, Tragic Backstory, Anti-Hero

Enjoy helping people: Yes, he finds it comforting, like a form of redemption.

Allergies: Minor shellfish allergy

Pet: Does Meph count as a pet? I mean, he usually hangs around Alistair as a cat.

Quick to anger: Depends on the situation, but yes.

How patient is he: Not very. He gets very jittery and anxious easily. He’s getting slightly better at that.

Good at cooking: Somewhat, he tends to overdo it on the spice.

Favorite insult:” It’s cute when you try.”

How do they act when happy: The biggest doofiest smile, and he can’t help but laugh occasionally.

What do they do when they learn about others’ fears: He keeps it secret, but tends to go out of his way to help them through it, or help them avoid their fears.

Trustworthy: If you earn his trust, yes. A million times in return.

Do they try to hide their emotions: If it benefits him? Yes. And he’s damn good at it. But if he feels it’s not necessary to do so, his heart is on his sleeve.

Exercise regularly: Yes. His constitution is ridiculous and so he often finds ways to keep up and improve his stamina and strength even further.

Comfortable with the way they look: Yeah. He can get a lil cocky about it. But this is a man who uses bar soap on his hair.

Features they find attractive on others: Eyes and hands.

Personalities they find attractive: He likes those that can keep up with him intellectually, but also on a wittier level as well. He really views self-confidence as attractive.

Do they like sweet foods: Yes.

Age: He just turned 42.

Tall or short: He’s 6’0”

Glasses or contacts: Nah

Consider herself attractive: Yup

Sense of humor: Sexual humor, dad jokes ftw, but can also throw in some dark and self-deprecating humor nowadays.

What mood are they in most often: Most recently, a sort of determined melancholia. But he used to be very self-assured, confident, and flippant.

What angers them: Child abuse, betrayal, hurting those he cares about.

Outlook on life: “Just keep going. Roll with the punches. Because that sun is going to rise again, and you’re going to get to try again, try something new, find something new.”

What makes them sad or depressed: Thinking of those he has lost, thinking of Ghost, falling into his own insecurities.

Greatest weakness: He often jumps into situations without thinking them through. He tends to be very “leap before he looks”

Greatest strength: His determination and resiliency

Something they regret: Losing contact with his crew and Imelda, not being a better leader in his eyes, his past of piracy, and in some ways- all his deals with Mephistopheles, even the one that granted him his magic.

Biggest accomplishment: Isn’t this the same as greatest achievement?

Favorite memory: Sitting by the campfire with his group and all of them laughing, joking, and smiling with each other. With the good ol occasional ribbing at Corren’s expense.

#D&D #Alistair Stormcrown #Sekrezia #The F.U.C.K.s

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kittykatrattie · 4 years

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Random Headcanon Dump

George

He goes thru an apocalypse story phase when he's a teenager

Also ends up getting into some poetry and script writing

Joins the drama club in high school

Baby George goes as a clown for Halloween one year bc of his afro. His mom definitely got hair spray paint

George's family has taco Tuesdays, which means Harold also has taco tuesdays

He never knew Harold developed separation anxiety until they were in middle school and it had chilled a lot. He just knew his best friend was a little clingy and got really scared if he was missing, so he did everything in his power to make sure Harold felt safe and knew that he was safe too

ADHD inattentive and SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder)

Harold

He has a big fascination with everything about the ocean. One of those kids who went thru a mermaid phase

Both him and George love rats and end up getting/sharing some as pets

Harold loves trying out different art mediums, but he always goes back to pencil and paper for the comics

Still has general anxiety and a little bit of separation anxiety. He gets scared if he doesn't know where George is

ADHD hyperactive. His RSD is also a lot worse than George's

Loves physical contact and tends to hold onto George when he gets nervous/anxious. It reminds him that he's ok and everything's gonna be fine because George is here

Harold sometimes has the most abysmal fashion sense. Glitter pants, holographic skirt and rainbow t shirt, lots of sequins and sparkles

George's dad pretty much instantly accepted the role of Harold's father figure. Everyone says Cap is Harold's dad but Moses is right there?? As if this man DOESN'T see Harold as his second son???

Melvin

A combination of being trans and autistic leads to Melvin often copying George and Harold to try and look more masculine

He's cross-eyed

Yes, even as a kid he's secretly a country music fan. He likes John Denver

His MSG allergy effects him 3 different ways: he either gets a rash (Dav's word) he gets a stomachache (season 1 finale cupcake shop) or he throws up (Hack-o-Ween). Throwing up is a lot less common/often than a rash or stomachache

His parents are divorced and that's why they were fighting so much during the parent day episode and why his mom was flirting w a fart

Actually becomes really good friends with Erica once she comes out to him, he likes to build and theorize with her. She really is smart and, crush or not, he admires that about her

He acts really confident but he's actually very anxious about talking to people. He doesn't know what to do and when he really wants to make friends he's terrified he'll mess up

Gooch

He's got dyscalculia babey!!

They become a therapist when they grow up. Very good at emotions

When he dressed like a bee in the Halloween special? That was his first Halloween in America! That's why he didn't know not to bother Krupp for candy

As an adult, they get a lot of people who think they're like 11. They're 4'9

His favorite color is pink

They don't really like when Meaner does boys vs girls games in gym class

He's the middle child. He has an older brother and a younger sister

They're non-dysphoric trans masc

Him and Erica are best friends and often have sleepovers together

Billy and Lisa

Billy tends to be the one who cooks between him and Harold. His grandfather sends him traditional Japanese recipes and he likes to try them out

They both have been friends since childhood and used to perform musicals together

Lisa has her dad and a twin brother named Frank, and Billy is an only child with two moms

Lisa writes songs for George sometimes :)

Harold totally watched the soap opera Billy was on, low-key crushed on his character, and only barely recognized Billy as "You look like this character I used to have a crush on"

Billy and Lisa work together. Lisa is part of the musicians that do the music for the theater Billy does plays at

Billy is very quiet and shy off-stage, but on-stage he's loud and confident and the first time Harold sees this he's in shock

Billy has anxiety and autism and that's part of why he joined an improv comedy class

Extra

Jessica would own a rose gold iPhone

Bo has a hard time understanding how hard he's doing something. He always slams the door a little too hard or stomps without meaning to. It's a combination of autism and being Lorge

This one is sad but Bo is an orphan :(

Erica actually has undiagnosed anxiety and feels pressured to be perfect and cool

Jessica also feels pressured to be perfect and better than everyone else. Think "pagent parents"

Other Sophie is nonverbal and knows ASL. Sophie One can talk (but isn't allowed) and knows Spanish and English

Erica is the lesbian mom of the cast

#captain underpants #george beard #harold hutchins #melvin sneedly #billy hutchins #lisa beard #gooch yamaguchi

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supertam87 · 6 years

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Real Talk With SuperTam

Several people have asked me to share the full text of the talk I gave at Harrison’s (SuperSon1) funeral. Dale shared an excerpt earlier today. I am happy that it has touched people and hopefully will open up some much needed dialog. Please remember that these are the words I spoke over my son’s coffin. They are sacred to me. We are a religious family. If there is something you don’t understand, I will explain without preaching to you or trying to convert you! I talk about mental illness and suicide. If that is a trigger for you, please beware.

Real Talk With SuperTam

My dear brothers and sisters – never before in my life have I understood so fully that we are all truly brothers and sisters. Your outpouring of love and support has overwhelmed us in the best way. Saying thank you and we love you and we are grateful seems too simple for all that has been done on our behalf this past 10 or so days. And yet truth is simple. The gospel is simple. What we have experienced is the gospel in its purest form. Thank you all for being here. I’d also like to thank our interpreters, Chip Royce and Jeff Born, who are friends of Dale as well as colleagues.

Harrison made it very clear that I needed to talk today and he was a little bit bossy about it. I’m one of the mouthy ones in Relief Society. You can pretty much count on the fact that either Janet Williams or I are going to say something – Janet’s comments are usually more profound, but we both usually say it like it is. Harrison asked me to say it like it is today. So, we are going to have what I’m calling Real Talk with SuperTam, (because that’s my nickname).

Harrison killed himself. Very few people want to say that. People don’t want to talk about it. People do want to talk about it but they don’t know how. It’s an unbearably painful topic. People keep telling Dale and myself that we are so brave to talk openly about what Harrison did. We never considered any other option. It didn’t feel brave to either one of us, just truthful. When a person dies of heart disease or cancer or pneumonia, we all grieve, but we don’t fear talking about why they died. Mental illness carries a heavy stigma in our society and I believe we share an obligation to have more productive and proactive conversations about a really scary and difficult topic. Mental illness is physical illness. It happens in the brain. Just like MS or Parkinson’s disease; it can be a chemical imbalance, a failure of synapses to connect properly, or an underdeveloped portion of the brain that limits its proper function. It is not different than any other illness. But it is sooo taboo. When the term ‘Mental Illness’ is mentioned, people think in extremes; severe debilitation, psychosis, the inability to work or leave the house, erratic behavior, frightening delusions – scary, scary words, yet mental illness usually doesn’t look like that. Its depression – from mild to severe, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Anorexia, Post Partum Depression, Autism Spectrum – it can be an illness or a disorder or a dysfunction. Everyone in this room knows someone who deals with a mental illness every single day. It is often silent and very subversive, and people can feel isolated or hopeless.

Nearly every single person that I talked to, or Dale, or my parents or in-laws or our friends knows someone who has had suicide effect their family. The heartbreaking thing is that suicide is on the rise amongst our youth. Our children are dying and we are afraid to talk about it because it is uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable for me to stand here today and talk about it. But I am willing to open the conversation. I am willing to answer questions. I will listen to fears and pains, and I will try to offer comfort. I know I’m not the only one willing to do this, but I think one of the problems we collectively suffer from is fear.

Dale and I always try to teach our kids that the devil dwells in darkness and the gospel spreads light. So they should base their decisions on whether or not they have to hide what they do in darkness or if they can do it openly in the light. This is a good foundation for teaching decision-making. However, people often hide in darkness. Not because they are dark themselves, but because they are afraid. We need to learn how to recognize people who are hiding. We must practice seeing what people in pain look like. We need to commit to ourselves that we will be the person. The one who offers succor, in whatever form that takes. We need to ask questions and develop relationships that allow people to open up and be unafraid. The prophet has given us this opportunity by renaming and revamping our visiting and teaching systems to a system of Ministering. It is not just a name change. The prophet is asking us to reevaluate how we see people. He is asking us to change how we interact with people. He is asking us to make people our priority. My very first visiting teacher is here today. She was there when Harrison was born and she is still ministering to me today. It is not a coincidence that this program was reworked at a time when mental illness is on an extreme rise and suicide rates are skyrocketing. The Lord is asking us to be is hands and help his children. We need to seek the one, and we also need to be the one. Be the one who looks. Be the one who asks. Be the one who sees. We have the power to heal.

Our family has been terribly, irrevocably wounded and changed. We are in agony. But we are being ministered to, every second of every day. Because of that, we are already beginning to heal. We have a long road ahead and we accept that, because we do not walk that road alone. The Savior walks that road with us. And so do every single one of you every time you do something that is motivated by love. The road that we walk, the same road you walk, is the path of the gospel. It guides us towards our Father in Heaven.

Harrison walked that road. He learned many, many lessons along the way. Harrison taught me about this road we walk, this path towards our Father, and our ability to partake of our Savior’s sacred atonement in his homecoming talk from August of 2016. I’m going to read part of that talk to you, because I love Harrison’s words, and this is a lesson he learned, internalized and taught to the people he was asked to minister to. And then he came home and taught it to us.

In this talk he taught the Parable Of The Laundry. This is a significantly condensed version of his talk, but I will post it in full later. He explained that before his mission, mom pretty much took care of his laundry. I gave him serious side eye on that one. He said that in the MTC, he was fully responsible for his own laundry, but he could throw his clothes in the washer and then move on to something else. When he arrive in the Philippines, he said, “In the Philippines we wash clothes by hand, and that is a little bit more of an involved process than ‘toss it in the washer with some detergent and move on to something else. I would like to describe the art of hand washing in five easy steps. They sound easy, at least. 1) Initial Rinse 2) Detergent Soak 3) the scrub 4) Final Rinse 5) Hang dry”

He described specifically the process of washing white shirts. He said of the Initial Rinse, “Slosh the clothes around in the water until all the loose dirt is out. The water will change colors as you do this, from the pale yellow of sweaty garments, to the grey cement color of over-worn socks.” Ew. Sorry for that mental image. Of the Detergent Rinse he said, “Mix until the soapy water is frothy and then re-add your rinsed clothing. Stir lightly and leave to soak for thirty minutes. Of The Scrub he said, “After the 30 minute rinse, select your scrub weapon. These range from the novice brush to the professional bare hand. Each shirt should take 5 to 10 minutes. Of the Final Rinse he said, “This is a little bit of a misnomer as it actually takes a series of 3-5 rinses…until the clothing no longer produces soap bubbles. The more soap you leave in your clothes, the itchier it will be to wear them and the dirtier they will get in the coming week, as soap attracts dirt.” Finally, “The Hang Dry. As you place each item of clothing on a hanger, smooth out any visible wrinkles. Hang in a place that A) has good air flow, B) has good sun but not direct sunlight, and C) is sheltered from the rain. In perfect conditions described above, it only takes three hours to dry your clothes. Conditions in the Philippines are never perfect and rain (a constant threat) was the worst, bringing dirt and pollution out of the air and onto your freshly cleaned clothes. White shirts will proclaim those spots, and it is time to wash again. If, due to weather, your clothes took too long to dry, they would sour, and it would be time to wash them again.” Harrison goes on to call this an “involved and grueling process that takes several hours to complete.”

He then makes the obvious analogy to the atonement, and read several important scriptures. He said, “The Atonement is the process we each must individually follow to wash ourselves of all iniquity and sin, prerequisite to entering the Kingdom of God and His Glory. Before my mission I thought in washing machine terms. Toss the garments that need to be cleansed of sin, add an appropriate amount of repentance, kick on the Atonement Machine and go do something else until you find yourself cleansed from sin. I learned that the Atonement requires much more effort than a washing machine, and the process has more in common with hand washing. Let me explain in this way: Our faith in Jesus Christ is the first step on our path of becoming eternally clean…Repentance is our detergent soak of the soul…Baptism is the opportunity we have to clean up the stains we have soaked, scrubbing them away in a symbol of the death of the old life of sin and the rebirth of a life in Christ…Receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost is the counterpart rinse to the cleansing of Baptism…Enduring to the end is the final step in the process, akin to hanging clothes out to dry. In perfect conditions, enduring to the end would be a lovely three-hour sunbath to clean, dry perfection. However, this life is a test, and conditions will never be perfect. Satan has the power to tempt us, and his temptation, like polluted rain, will stain our freshly washed souls. Even the day-to-day wear will bring more stains upon us. Hence, enduring to the end is not a static process, where we hang our garments in a hermetically sealed closet, never to be worn again. Rather, enduring to the end is the active process of keeping our garments clean as long as possible in Satan’s imperfect conditions, and washing them as they become stained and soiled. The repentance process is not the back-up plan for when our garments become unclean. Repentance IS the plan. If, at the end of our mortal lives, we have strived to keep our garments clean in the fallen world, through the process of the Atonement, then will we return to the Kingdom of our Father.”

Harrison understood, accepted and lived within the Atonement of Christ. He taught me in this one talk things about the Atonement I hadn’t really understood before – maybe because he was speaking my language because what mom doesn’t know the language of laundry? He was walking the road with us, doing his best, washing and rewashing his shirts when they got dirty. He did kill himself, but he also died because he suffered from an illness. We do not need to be ashamed of that or hide that fact. Harrison made a choice I wish he had not. He took an action he can’t take back. I know he would if he could. I know he didn’t mean to do this. But we are the ones who are left with the results of his actions. What do we do with that? Do we live within the atonement of Christ? Do we refuse to let fear keep us from speaking when speaking is necessary? Do we reach out, see a person, offer love and provide acceptance? Do we hide in the darkness, or do we shine in the light? I know what Harrison would have us do, and I know what the Lord would have us do.

Harrison, I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

#mental health #mental disorder #mental illness #suicide #gun violence #personal

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asthmaqueeneddie · 6 years

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could do a stozier friendship one shot??? totally platonic just them bein buds

i absofruitley can because who doesn’t love some stozier

stan uris and richie tozier are two of the best friends you’ll ever meet. there’s rarely a time where they will address each other without the words “fuck” or “asshole” being included, and richie is not immune to stan’s infamous Eyeroll, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t die for each other.

the two scrawny, slightly homosexual boys formed their unusual friendship many moons ago. they bonded over birds. stan liked to watch them, trying to silently identify as many as he could before the school bell rang. richie didn’t get all the hype at first, he couldn’t be bothered to sit still enough to actually enjoy it.

“what’s so great about these birds anyway?”

“can’t you hear them singing? it’s beautiful.”

neither of the two really fit in with other kids in town so they had to find solace in each other’s company. stan was tall, even as a tot, he towered over the other kids on the playground. and he had a very clean way about him. everything was dry-cleaned and ironed and tucked in, everything matched and was organized. every day at recess, stan would fold a neat wad of paper towels and place them on the bench so he could sit and watch birds nest in trees. he was going to be an eagle scout one day, you know.

richie, in contrast, was short and wild and all over the place in every sense of the term. while stan’s OCD kept him in a bubble of bleach and lavender hand soap, richie’s ADHD had him bouncing all over the place. he could never stay in one place or think about one thing for too long because his hyperactivity, and refreshingly positive outlook on life, never let him.

a little while after beverly marsh (aka molly ringwald) was inducted into the losers club, the strange dynamic that was the stan/richie friendship was finally explained out loud. it had never once before needed to be defined, everyone just kind of adapted to it as time passed. bill loved every second of it right from the start, he’s been friends with stan since what feels like the dawn of time and he only wants to see him happy. and being surrounded by richie’s attention-deficit way of being was what brought stan that happiness. eddie, however, was not so quick to take a liking to the gentle bullying that happened between the two. he loved stanley and he never wanted to see him upset so when this weirdo kid with the coke bottle glasses starts joking around about stan’s religion, he takes it to heart. eventually eddie begins to form his own relationship with the town trashmouth and learns to see through the defense mechanisms, but that’s a story for another time.

“it’s just how they work. questioning it won’t get you anywhere, you just have to go with it,” mike explained, having watched the two interact over the course of many years. “but if you try talking to stan the way richie does, you’d better start running, that is, if you still have your kneecaps. because neither one of them will stand for it.” stan and richie then set a precedent for how every friendship on earth should ever be conducted.

despite the innumerable differences that set the two apart, it was those very nonconformities that brought them together. what a lot of people, including donald uris and his wife, didn’t seem to understand was that stan and richie needed each other. one without the other was like peanut butter without jelly; it would work, but it wasn’t necessarily preferenced.

stan, as mentioned, has some obsessive-compulsive issues that even he can’t believe he has to deal with. at first the whole turning the lights on and off thing was a quirk. but richie knows to make time for stan’s rituals when planning an outing.

stan knows to always have a rubber band in his pocket for richie to mess with in case he forgets his. the snapping of the thing is quiet enough for him to be able to do it in class and not get into any more trouble than he usually would from his anxious fidgeting.

richie remembers to always wash his hands before he even thinks about touching stan in any way. and he always carries around the appropriate amount of hand sanitizer and pocket tissues, just in case.

stan knows that richie’s parents don’t always acknowledge him and that, when they do, it’s usually only negative feedback. he can tell how bad an encounter with his parents was based on how loud he is the next day. if richie’s quiet and makes only a handful of “your mom” jokes, that means he got into an argument with his mother and probably had to clean her drunken vomit out of the carpet. if he’s more jittery and makes jokes that don’t make a lot of sense, his dad got to him.

and richie knows all about stan’s home life too. stan’s sister adores richie and she’s the prized child so everyone accepts him as well. he knows that stan has a lot of pressure on him to get good grades and excel in everything he does; boy scouts, french class, piano lessons, etc. his dad doesn’t mean to put so much intense pressure on him, so severe that it frequently gives him panic attacks, it just kind of happens. richie knows when to step in and praise stan for the A- he got on his english essay and say “who cares if it’s not an A+, it’s higher than my score”.

the point of all this is that the two complete each other. they walk through life together, hand in hand, until college when the dynamic duo has to part ways. richie goes off and becomes an actor or a radio show host in california, stan becomes a successful accountant. they keep in touch at first, calling every chance they get and taking spring breaks to reunite. but as time goes on the calls become less frequent, the letters and christmas cards stop arriving, and eventually, once they’re both married to their respective partners (who are not eddie and bill, unfortunately), they only have faded memories and torn polaroids to remember each other by. but somewhere in the back of stan’s mind, there are flashes of untied shoelaces and melting ice cream. in the middle of a crowded parade on the fourth of july stands a boy with scabbed knees and a horrible hand-me-down shirt. this boy is the last face stan gets to see.

richie gets the news and it hits him the hardest, old memories of shaky hands and soap that smells like flowers somehow feels like sepia. richie doesn’t go to the wake. he sits just slightly outside the funeral parlor and watches the birds. and for once he sits still long enough to listen to what they’re singing.

okay so this was definitely not what you asked for but i’m in a mood and i took some nyquil so this is all over the place plEASE JUST LOVE ME I’M DOING MY BEST

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babaleshy · 5 years

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I know I haven’t touched this thing for a while but whatever. I’m gonna rant. Yes, it’s about my folks. Yes, they are Trump supporters. No, I still can’t move out because my husband and I cannot afford it nor is there any jobs in the area that pay enough for us to move out.

On with the rant (plus, like, a mental health update which I will do first).

Going to get re-evaluated for ADHD because as much as I loved seeing Mark for counseling, he wanted to simply focus on my struggles, hence why I was diagnosed with EFD. He was great, helpful, all that. Just... There’s other stuff going on with all of these signs pointing to ADHD, and I actually forget that sometimes symptoms outside of executive functioning issues can get in the way because my depression makes me forget shit.

On top of this, Paulnetta (my new counselor) has referred me to a couple of places to go and get tested for dyslexia and other learning disabilities. What has kept me from getting tested the past couple of months is that my ID expired back in April and I fucking forgot about it. I’m going to the DMV tomorrow to get my ID renewed but will have to wait for it to appear in the mail, now, because of bureaucratic bullshit. Once I get my ID, I can finally get tested for a learning disability and FINALLY apply for goddamn Medicaid.

I’m getting mighty sick of what my parents are pulling. I’ll start with my mom since there’s not TOO much bullshit to bitch about with her like there is with my dad.

My mom still won’t engage much with me in conversation about anything I want to talk about. But the moment she decides to talk, she immediately changes the topic to her favorite country singer or something about horses. I don’t hate horses as in the animal, but looking at anything involving horses has me feeling rage because of her. She keeps getting old horses (never surpassing 3 horses) that aren’t really able to be ridden, wanting a few for companionship so no one feels alone when my mom rides the only one that is capable of being ridden. Horses are social animals. I get this. All fine and well. But my mother does the ABSOLUTE FUCKING BARE MINIMUM care for these animals. They’re healthy and doing okay mentally, but she has yet to ride since I moved back that I can remember. SHE SPENT WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MONEY ON A ROUND PEN AND SHE STILL HASN’T RIDDEN THE HORSE SHE WANTS TO RIDE. She just sits on the couch on her phone AND tablet watching livestreams of her favorite country singer who has developed this cult surrounding the pledge of allegiance while being on FB interacting with other horse owners. My mom seems to like the aesthetic of the western/country/farm lifestyle without actually LIVING it, and I’m betting it’s because she’s too old and tired from working 6 days a week at a minimum wage job she’s been at since the mid 90s and refused to consider looking for another because she knows people who work there and shop there (small business hardware store). On top of all of this, she refuses to listen to any other radio station unless it’s country, so that plays on constant in the living room for the dog when my parents aren’t home, or she has it on in the truck and wonders why I have my earbuds in. She BLASTS anything she and my dad watch, which includes but is not limited to things like Last Man Standing, NCIS, faux news, and pseudo-hillbilly shit shows from the 60s and 70s on YouTube.

This woman did not interact with me on my terms in the past unless it was something she was interested in. If I distracted her from her soap operas or baseball/football games, she got pissed. As an adult? If she does interact with me, it’s because it involves the topic of money. My mom IMMEDIATELY gets pissed at me when I inquire about our financial situation. I don’t complain, I’m not nosy as fuck, I just wanna know “hey, can I get some help getting thirty-something bucks worth of lumber so I can build shelves for my room since I have no income?” Nope, the topic bothers my mom too much. I don’t even think she listens to me talk to her when she doesn’t participate in conversation because she is just... ADDICTED to FB. Like, hopelessly fucking addicted. And she used to get on my ass about being on MY computer too much in high school! (circa 2005-2007)

And now, onto the dumpster fire that is my father.

The bastard is having us live in a meatlocker. The air is so cold and so dry here that my skin is very dry, my nose is CONSTANTLY running and bleeding, and I’m too cold to do ANYTHING most of the time, including sitting at my desk to do anything from art to surfing the web! He uses his breathing issues as an excuse, but it was never this cold in the summer last year or any years prior. He says it’s to keep the humidity down. By the same damn excuse, because we do NOT have a working ventilation fan, and opening the bathroom window (which faces the street) would expose us and give us no privacy, my dad HAS THE HAIR DRYER RUNNING BY THE BATHROOM SINK WHILE HE SHOWERS. His logic? “The heat will cause the moisture to evaporate!” Not kidding. But he’s huffing and wheezing by the time he’s done in the bathroom. And he won’t listen to me when I tell him just how wrong he is.

The bitter old bastard has whatever they’re watching on blast in the living room. He re-clutters whatever I de-clutter. He tries picking fights with my husband by purposefully trying to engage him in topics my husband doesn’t want to talk about to get my husband to react a certain way (never works because my husband caught on real fast). This is all my dad trying to “establish dominance” or some bullshit like that. He’s flaunting the fact that he can be a piece of shit all he wants to us, and if we put up enough of a fight, he can kick us out. He’s also hoping (and he’s used a similar logic on other shit before in the past) that he pisses us off enough to move out, because he thinks we can move out whenever we want. This guy has not been in the real world since ‘95 or ‘96, and before that, hadn’t had to look for a job since the ‘70s, hadn’t had to look for another place to live since the ‘90s. He has no idea how expensive rent is, how shit the job opportunities are around here, how it’s impossible to find a decent paying job and be expected to make rent while being able to feed one’s self, etc. He is so detached from reality that he’s trying to delude himself that shit still works like it did in the 70s.

I had to make up a lie that I get car sick unless I have my music. The reality of it is that my dad stresses me out so much I fear him bringing up a topic we both know I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut on to where he will then stress me out, threaten my life, and then tell me he threatened my life “just so I would shut up.” So, dad believing that I get car sick without my music, he claims it’s a “problem with the middle ear,” which is a thing with some people, so I’m playing along with that. Gives me an excuse to not listen to my mom’s piece of shit radio station in the truck on those VERY DAMN FEW times she takes me somewhere (seriously, unless it’s to work, seeing a local country concert, or seeing her sister, my mom doesn’t wanna leave the house) and not have to explain to her why I bury my head in my own music when she won’t fucking talk to me about shit I wanna talk about, shit I’ve wanted to talk about since childhood but she doesn’t fucking care. She tried so hard to get me to be like her, wanting to live on a farm, but it failed. She knows it failed. So she doesn’t wanna talk unless it’s about the lifestyle she always wanted.

And this is the weird part, they have views and shit that would make you go “that’s not very typical of a Trump supporter” so because they’re “not so bad” to other moderates or right-wingers, I don’t have a right to complain. My parents know evolution is a thing (yet are climate change deniers), have no problem with me being a Pagan or practicing witchcraft (but will talk shit about Muslims), think that Halloween is too kiddified and the fun is sucked out of it (but there’s a “war on xmas”), and thought I spent way too much time in my room on my computer in high school (but they rarely leave their own internet devices in the living room; dad just has a computer but refuses to touch social media and hates modern technology despite being hopelessly addicted to YouTube). Like...?

Here’s what’s sad...

When my parents first got together and had me, they were a loving married couple with a kid. My brother came along, things were still smooth sailing. Dad gets hurt and we’re plunged into inescapable poverty and all of a sudden dad ignores me, mom ignores me, only interaction is breakfast, dinner, and screaming and belittling. That’s it. There was still favorites, and because the favorite died, it’s like I don’t matter that much to them, especially since I didn’t turn out anything special like they’d hoped for. They won’t own up to their mistakes, they conveniently ignore that half the time growing up I was yelled at for lack of social interaction outside of forced interaction with my brother and having ADHD and anxiety. In fact, I still can’t tell if they’re the cause of my anxiety or if I was born with it because of how young I was when the complete one-eighty with them happened.

And yet they still act like they’ll be wealthy someday, so they support the rich getting tax cuts and worship the cheetoh in office. I think they banked on me and my brother becoming successful and wealthy after high school that they continued to avoid admitting they’re stuck in poverty. Now they think they’ll eventually get wealthy with the fucking royalties on the oil (spoilers: no, lol, they’re kinda getting screwed actually but won’t admit it) or hitting the lottery.

Dad presses all of these money-making ideas onto me, ideas I don’t care about or don’t like, and won’t do it himself. He won’t even write stories to have them published because that would mean he’d have a hobby. Too much work. He even said the whole reason why he got a job at the steel mill was so he didn’t have to think. He literally claimed he’d rather have someone think for him and admitted that he’s proud to be ignorant of technology. No, I’m not kidding.

So my husband and I are forced to live with these two assholes, whose marriage is barely held together (they barely interact with one another, and when they do, half the time one is pissed at the other) and only keep the marriage going because divorce is expensive and at least they’re not as bad as their exes (mom had her jaw broken by an ex, dad was nearly killed by an ex).

Once they move north, we’ll be going with them, attend Kent State, and get the fuck out of Ohio. And I’m never looking back.

#personal #rant #needed to get this off my chest

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