#and his address is specific because that's near where I used to live

[librarycards]

hi sarah. feel free to delete this if it’s too much, but do you know of any work (academic, personal essays, art, etc) about grieving someone who’s died to suicide/wishing they were alive while also grappling with how to square it with your anti-psych, anti-carceral, pro-bodily autonomy politics? for reference i’ve read Alexandre Baril’s paper on Suicidism before and may revisit it in this light, as well as aleks thom's writing on disenfranchised grief and your lovely recent poem about suicide, but i’m sort of at a loss about where to look for other work about the intersection of these specific topics. many thanks and much love in advance

thank you so much for asking! i feel strange saying "i'm sorry for your loss" because it's clichéd and trite and you've heard it a billion times before. i am sorry, though, and i am equally sorry that you carry your loss into a world that is so deeply hostile to everyone affected by suicide – loved ones, those who have attempted, those who have completed, those who are dealing with suicidal thoughts, all of us.

i think that perhaps the most useful thing to remember is a bit simpler and a lot more challenging than can be conveyed in a paper or poem. it's that peoples' bodyminds are their own, including when they treat said bodyminds in ways we on the outside don't like. this is true for people who do all manner of "unhealthy" and "self-harmful" things, and as loved ones, it's incredibly fucking hard to witness, especially when the consequences are deadly.

suicide grief, and in general, work by loved ones and caregivers to those of us who experience extreme states, is pretty tough to find in the area of Mad studies. this is partially justified, given the degree to which we've all been spoken over and around by abusive "caregivers." yet it also denies the simultaneity embedded in basically any Mad community: we are all both, because we're all together and hurting at once.

i actually have two friends who have written about their own experiences as suicidal + Mad people who have lost close people to suicide: MT Vallerta, a scholar-poet [check out In Memoriam], and poet S.G. Huerta [you should read their poetry book, Last Stop].

Sophie Lewis also wrote an intriguing piece that touches on suicidality, death doulaing, and kinship.

Emily Krebs studies suicide/bereavement from a Mad crip abolitionist perspective, and is worth checking out.

i think it's also a good idea to remember that a way to honor those who have completed suicide is to take better care of suicidal people who are still alive. it only does more harm to suicidal people to approach ideation/attempts carcerally, and indeed encourages more covert, risky, and isolated methods rather than open dialogue. here are some ways to honor - not only support, but truly honor, trust, and respect suicidal people:

candidly speak about death, self-harm, and "dark thoughts" - and what to do around them - before and outside of immediate crises. be explicit in your intentions to support those who are actively suicidal before the next crisis occurs. ask people their preferences - who should you call? is the hospital ever on the table, and if so, under what conditions? who will be there to advocate for them when interacting with carceral authorities?

be candid about how their actions affect you, without placing blame. when someone attempts suicide, everyone they love is affected. this is not the person's fault, but it is something that needs to be addressed in community. here's an example from my own life: a dear friend was forcibly hospitalized after an attempt. i had been a main support person of hers in previous crises, when we lived near each other. when we spoke about her experience months later, i admitted that i felt "guilty" and as though i had somehow caused her to be institutionalized by living in a different place now. she admitted to me that she felt "guilty" for having "let [her loved ones] down" and "letting" her health deteriorate. we were able to find comfort and commonality in our affective experiences, and have become better friends for it.

cool it with the solutions. ask for consent before doing anything, but especially giving advice. many people kill themselves, or try to, because they feel cornered - often for very logical reasons (poverty, oppression, abuse/complex trauma). the adage that a poor person probably has more financial wisdom than a rich advice-giver holds true here, so don't immediately offer tips unless they've asked for them. sometimes, suicidality isn't connected to anything concrete, either, or a person's reasoning doesn't "make sense" (duh). if someone has the courage and trust to come to you with their feelings of suicidality, what they need most is someone to listen, to take them seriously, and to afford them the same personhood that they would have otherwise.

when people disclose thoughts of suicide, they take an immense risk in terms of their safety and credibility, and they do so because it is not possible to be a person alone. but, we also need to hold simultaneously that the individuals who do their best to support a loved one, but are not equipped to do so, are also not at fault for somehow "killing" them. suicide is incredibly complex, and suicide grief perhaps even moreso than other types of grief.

i also don't have concrete answers as to what to do about this conflict between our emotions around suicide - wanting to save a person we love, wanting them to stop hurting, being willing to do anything to keep them around - and imagining a world against and beyond the institution in all its permutations. but i know we will move toward it together through open conversation and trust and collective risk. much love and respect to you for asking such a challenging question during a heartbreaking time. <3

[mieanme]

I had a Hualian brainrot that I wanna turn into a comic in the near future, but I'm hella slow, so bear with me, HOWEVER, here's the idea:

Merman x Siren au

Those who know me - you probably saw that coming.

BUT hear me out!

Xie Lian is a merman (yeah, no shot, no-one expected that), he lives in a huge pod with hierarchy and social roles as hunters, gathers, nursery guardians, etc. He's still an outcast though - he's the only one among countless merpeople in their society that has snow-white scales. He also wasn't born in their pod, he was rescued from an orca attack by two merkids aspiring to become hunters (Feng Xin & Mu Qing) at a very young age, so no-one knew where he really came from.

The Emperor of the pod let him stay though, so how could anyone argue, right?

Years pass, Xie Lian tries to fit in. It's been difficult, but he's not the one to give up, always kind and gentle to fellow mers and creatures of the ocean. He's not allowed near merkids, even if he would love to be a nursery guardian, because others believe he brings misfortune; he didn't manage to become a hunter, because his unusual white tail is visible from ten miles away, not a fit to not alarm the prey at all; no-one wanted to eat or use anything he gathered, because no-one trusted him, so eventually he settled on collecting and discarding trash from the various areas of the pod's territory. This way somehow he's able to contribute to the pod's life and secure his meals.

He lives like that for a good couple of years, until one day at an emergency gathering of the pod, it is announced three mers have caught a strange disease - one that could be cured only by a very specific type of algae. If not provided the medicine, the mers would not only die, but also spread the illness to others.

What's the problem, let's go and grab that algae, right?

The point is, the algae grows only in almost complete darkness, within the depths of oceanic trenches. And the nearest trench falls into the territory of a Siren.

And not just a siren. This siren everyone knows and loves to call all kinds of nicknames, the most popular being: cruel disgusting monster.

Mers always feared sirens, because, on the contrary to the merpeople, they resemble reptiles more than fish or humans. They usually live on their own, gather only for the mating season and even then they often pick fights with each other. Their territories are sometimes equal or almost as big as those of merpeople; how does one even manage to patrol such a huge area?

However, the most terrifying thing about sirens is that they don't hesitate to feed on even their own kin - not to mention humans or mers. Feral beasts, as most merpeople would address them.

This particular siren was even worse. No-one even knows what the monster looks like, because whoever crossed paths with it, hasn't come back alive. It's been expanding its territory for years, slowly swollowing the remaining unclaimed area between its own teritory and that belonging to the pod. Who knew what would happen if they would have to fight to defend their borders? Would they even stand a chance against that beast?

Venturing into its territory was not an option.

But there's no other trench anyone knows of. So, was it a death sentence for the pod?

Not on Xie Lian's watch.

***

Wooohooo, that's it for now, if you wanna know more or you think it's a good idea, lemme know!!

PART II

[lunarfied]

06. WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP ME ? ; dinner gone questionable

scaramouche x gn! reader smau

both pov;

putting his phone down after the surprisingly helpful talk with alhaitham, kuni glanced at the digital clock on his nightstand. 17:05, he had to be at the restaurant for 17:30 so he was a bit behind. the address ajax had texted him to meet at was less than a 10 minute walk from where he currently lived, which kuni assumed was done on purpose. ajax knew vaguely of kuni’s living situation and always tried to make things better for him when they hung out. that gesture alone was enough to make kuni warm up to the other guy.

a knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts. kuni jumped to his feet and started to gather his things. he didn’t need anything specifically, he was already dressed after all, but it was better safe than sorry and most of the time he came overprepared.

”got somewhere to be?” the voice of his mother’s lover cut in as she opened the door, yae miko leaned against the door frame with crossed arms and a relaxed expression on her face. 

he didn’t spare her as much as a glance, slinging his small backpack over his shoulder before reaching for his phone and placing it into his shorts pocket. “yes, why?”

”ei was finishing up dinner and sent me up here to fetch you.” yae miko tucked a strand of her dyed pink hair behind an ear, eyes carefully watching kuni’s every move. for as much as people liked to say kuni was lucky to have such a pretty step-mom, she could be cunning and slick in ways people wouldn’t ever want to see. he understood why his mom loved her, they were the same.

”when have i ever ate dinner with either of you?” kuni scoffed, placing a hand on his hip as he finally locked eyes with her.

only this time, there was sincerity written on her face, a small smile grazing her features. he’s lived with yae miko for so long but had only ever seen this expression directed towards his mother, it was strange.

”i know dear. i’ve already told ei that you won’t be joining us, so, won’t you let me drive you to where you are running off to instead?” kuni narrowed his eyes at the tall women — what exactly was she up to? she had never offered to drive him anywhere. she was cooking something up, there was no other explanation for her kindness now out of all days.

”hm, fine.” it would save him a couple minutes of stalling and showing up late to the dinner. mostly because he was terrified of seeing you again.

”alright, let’s go then.”

the car ride was quiet, not even music was playing on the radio nor were the windows cracked. kuni felt an itch in his bones, she was planning something and wasn’t budging until the last moment. and not only that but you were probably already in the restaurant, chatting away happily with your roommates, not even knowing he was about to ruin that happiness all over again. his anxiety was starting back up again.

”you’re worried about something.” yae miko pointed out when they parked by a sidewalk near the restaurant. it was like she could read his mind and knew that if she pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, he might not get out the car and ask to go back home.

“i'm not.” he couldn’t be honest with her. she was married to his mother, the woman who he hated the most in this world. for all he knew, she would just tell ei exactly what he was worried about.

”you were crying last night. i heard you.” yae miko shifted so she was looking at kuni, keeping in mind the fact that kuni hated everything about this talk. she knew him well, even if kuni didn’t want to admit it.

”i wasn’t.”

”if you say so,” yae shrugged, reaching into her purse to grab something. kuni watched out of the corner of his eyes, hands gripping the ends of his short when he saw just what it was that she pulled out. “i thought you might want this though.” she handed kuni a small doll that resembled him, a kind smile resting on her lips.

”i- that’s- why“ 

“you made this when you were younger, remember?” yae let out of a soft laugh, holding the doll out to him. “you always said it was your good luck charm.” what a childish thing for him to have said, but kuni remembers it clear as day and all the memories came flooding back — painful memories.

snatching the mini him from yae miko’s perfectly manicured hands, he gripped the body of the plush doll tightly, staring down at it like his eyes would magically turn into lasers and make it explode. the doll was a perfect reminder of the childhood he had lost.

”just thought you might want it again.” yae miko unlocked the car door, hands returning to rest on the steering wheel as kuni climbed out of the car.

”thank you.” kuni couldn’t offer her anymore words or tears would start falling and she knew that, continuing to plaster that smile on her face even after driving back home.

with a sigh, kuni walked down the sidewalk and to the restaurant. he couldn’t do anything to change whatever outcome awaited him when he walked in. he only hoped that you’d give him the benefit of the doubt and understand this situation wasn’t what he was expecting or planning either. maybe you guys could just ignore the tension and just suck it up until one of you moved out.

nearing the building, kuni glanced at the doll in his hands and sighed. “good luck charm, huh? so childish.” he mumbled to himself and tossed the doll in the trash can, opening the doors up and stepping inside. 

you, on the other hand, were running completely late. having to wait on your professor to go over the latest assignment you had turned in had you antsy. he was taking his sweet time going over everything and you still had to go home, get ready and then drive to the restaurant ajax had picked out. then when the professor finally finished talking, you ran into some friends — ganyu, keqing and ayaka, the three girls going on about how they were going to try out the latest bubble tea shop that opened up and you were dragged into their shenanigans because who could refuse bubble tea?

fast forward to the present time, you had brought up your problem to ayaka and she offered to drive you to the restaurant, ganyu and keqing tagging along just for the ride. you decided it was probably a good idea to text venti and childe that you were running a little late.

you put your phone down in disgust after seeing ajax’s toes on your timeline for the fifth time that week and instead, tuned into the conversation that the other three in the car were engaging in.

”-nd then he said we can rent out the mansion to celebrate!” ayaka beamed from her seat behind the steering wheel, occasionally stealing glances to the backseat where ganyu and keqing were to gauge their reactions while you sat off to her right in the passenger seat.

”celebrate what?” you asked, curious as to what big accomplishment she was talking about.

”y/n!” ayaka mocked fake hurt at your reaction but you could see the smile gracing her lips.

”to celebrate her winning first place in the figure skating competition earlier in the month!” ganyu chimed in behind your seat, poking you playfully in the cheek.

”ah-! yeah, i was so proud of you!” you complimented, giving ayaka your best smile (you would have hugged her but given the circumstances, you didn’t want to crash).

”thank you, y/n.” ayaka was blushing at the praise, making a turn into the parking lot of the restaurant. “of course, you’re all invited!”

”please tell me you won’t invite venti if alcohol will be there-“ keqing was typing something on her phone but still made effort to contribute to the conversation.

”but is it really a party without venti?” you laughed, slinging your bag over your shoulder and leaned over the center console to give ayaka a quick hug. “anyways, thanks for dropping me off! i’ll see you guys later, get home safe! love you!” you blew kisses at your three friends and hopped out, waving to them as they departed and you made your way inside the restaurant.

but before you made it inside, you spotted something familiar and without thinking much, you picked it up, looked closely at it, and then placed it into your bag and walked inside.

you spotted ginger hair and a beret as soon as you entered and knew where your friends were sitting. “ajax! venti!” you called out, a big smile plastered on your face as you walked towards them.

”my darling, y/n~!” venti grinned and slipped out from the booth seat next to ajax, opening his arms up to you for a hug.

you were about to step towards him and return the embrace when you spotted him.

kuni.

”what the fuck are you doing here?” you stepped back, crossing your arms over your chest as you stared at your ex. he seemed to waver underneath your intense glare, playing with his fingers that were neatly folded across the table, glancing between your face and then ajax’s.

”huh? y/n? what's wrong?” venti asked, relaxed expression turned to concern quickly as she noticed your discomfort before looking over her shoulder and back at ajax.

”answer my question.” you spat out but kuni didn’t know what to say and instead sat there with his mouth slightly agape.

”hey, hey-“ ajax stood up, holding his hands out, trying to mimic a barrier between the two of you.

”is this why you asked me about him?” you turned to ajax now, mind clouded with thoughts of your past with kuni. it hurt to remember everything he put you through and here he was, sitting there like it meant nothing.

”what? no, y/n listen-“ 

“fuck this.” you threw your hands up in defeat, walking back towards the front door. if you stayed any longer you’d probably end up making a scene and you didn’t want the poor patrons of the restaurant to be subjected to anymore of your yelling. “fuck you.” you directed the last line towards kuni, he just sat there and took it — didn’t even bother to say anything back to you. it was pathetic to see him look so stunned to see you yelling at him.

but even so, why did your heart beat so fast when the two of you locked eyes just then?

masterlist | prev - next

playlist !

A/N: i jjust solved amurder mystery case with my siblings guys it was the fucking wife. also i really loved writing the part with yae and kuni grrrr i want to make a mini series with them + ei because silly silly luna has ideas DONT MENTION THE EDIT OVER THE WORD PLS I WRITE THESE WHEN IM SLEEP DEPRIVED

TAGLIST [CLOSED]: @machiroll @raideneiari @mariusvonhangme @inlustris-is-slowly-dying @sakiimeo @ferumie @plinkuro @scaraapologist @baelloraa @bubblesmei @lovelyiez @isa-solasun @lazy-sanns @thenightsflower @divinechicha @rxd-iant @elysiasgf @cerisearan @alwaysmentallyill @kaoyamamegami @richxelle @monochromaticelliot @kunikuzushiit @thedumboneforsomereason @lordbugs @osamusswife @useless-potatho @tsuyumbrella @orionicchaos @lxry-chxn @twistedrxses

[sirfrogsworth]

It's hard to be nostalgic about Tumblr without remembering my friend Tru.

Truett McGowan.

What a fantastic name.

We met each other because we were both tech geeks following Leo Laporte. He was the very first live streamer. Originally he hosted a TechTV cable show called The Screen Savers. But once G4 took over and focused more on video games, Leo's show was cancelled and he was looking for a new way to broadcast content.

So he built a studio near his home and created his own infrastructure in order to live stream video on the internet. He called his new show "This Week in Tech" or TWiT for short.

Along with his new streaming venture he created a TWiT community using an open source microblogging platform called Laconica. It was a form of Twitter that you could create specifically for a single community. Basically a custom niche Twitter feed. I was trying to be a web designer back then, so I created custom themes for Lacnonica.

This was my own personal theme for a website that I ended up never launching.

Leo called his custom Twitter, "The TWiT Army." And I was his graphic designer and webmaster. I made all of the cute little graphics for the website.

I also did fun holiday themes...

For the Thanksgiving theme, if you hovered over the Turkey it would change to being cooked.

I also took it upon myself to photoshop a little army helmet on the avatar of every single user of the site.

This was the zombie avatar I made for myself during Halloween.

The TWiT Army was also where I started posting my first attempts at Photoshop comedy. Many of them related to The TWiT Army.

And The TWiT Army is where I met Tru. He used a space invader avatar. I made him a couple of different versions.

You may have seen his avatar on the sidebar of my main Tumblr.

We became fast friends. We finished each other's jokes. We talked pretty much all day, every day. He loved Apple back then. I was strictly PC at the time. So we debated about that quite a bit. He would probably be astonished I have a MacBook and that I really love it too.

Our friendship lived in a little text box. We never talked outside of instant messages. But it was one of the most profound friendships of my life. I loved Tru just as much as any friend I've ever known in real life.

Tru started blogging on this brand new site called Tumblr. He reviewed apps for the iPod Touch. Not the iPhone, as that wasn't yet a thing.

I made the banner for his Tumblr.

He kept trying to get me to join Tumblr, but I was busy trying to create my own custom comedy website. But my site kept getting more and more complicated and I could never quite finish it. I was trying to arrange guest authors and create 3 months of content and I was always futzing with the theme and never happy with it.

I was getting frustrated that I could never launch my perfect comedy website and Tru suggested just making a Tumblr and posting funny stuff so I could be creative and have an outlet until my big site was ready to launch.

Little did I know Tumblr would end up being my big comedy website. Eventually I abandoned months of work and just stayed on Tumblr. All of my success here is pretty much because that little space invader pestered me to join when I was being stubborn.

Unfortunately, as some may have figured out already, the story gets sad from there. Tru mentioned briefly that he had a heart defect, but he never said it was serious. He acted like it was no big deal so I never thought too much about it.

We always talked through instant message and email, so we never exchanged phone numbers or addresses or anything like that. Tru was a very private person so he never even published an image of his face online. I only knew him as a space invader.

One day I woke up and sent him a message and got no reply. He usually woke up before me and answered as soon as I said hello. This had been our routine for nearly a year.

An hour went by. Two hours. Three hours.

It was odd for him not to respond for that long. I was really worried but all of my TWiT friends told me I was being paranoid. But there was a huge knot in my stomach telling me otherwise.

But then those hours turned into days. Days into weeks. Weeks into months. My worry grew exponentially as more time passed. I didn't know what to do. I tried finding his family. I even looked into hiring a private investigator. I don't know if I have ever felt a combination of depression & anxiety that intense.

In my heart, I knew what had happened. I knew that heart defect took his life. He was only 26 and it just didn't seem fair. But the not knowing for certain ravaged my mental health. Before all of this I had lost nearly 90 pounds and I gained it all back.

I think maybe a year or so later I found a friend of his who knew him in real life. They were finally able to confirm my suspicions. He passed away from his heart condition. That was my first real experience with grief. But I was so thankful for that bit of closure. I was finally able to let go of my anxiety and mourn him properly.

But Tru gave me such a wonderful gift. He pushed me to just start making things. To stop stalling and just create things to make people smile.

And you all probably know the rest from there.

[khaleesiofalicante]

hi dani <3

please tell us another childhood story

Okay, this is one is basically dani lore.

They still bring this up every time my family gathers together and I'm sick of it. It's called "The Child Who Ran Away" (yes the story has a name and they tell it to our little cousins to scare them lmao).

It happened in 2005, April 26th. Yes, I remember the specific date. I was in fourth grade and I was 9 years old.

It was the first day of school after the New Year holidays (our new year is in April). In SL, when school closes before the break, we get our report cards with all the exam marks and when we come back, we have to bring it signed by our parents and present it to our class teacher.

Now leaving your report card at home is not a big deal, right? Surely, you can bring it to school and show it to your class teacher the next day? WRONG.

My class teacher (who was a nun btw) was the absolute worst person. She literally physically and verbally abused us (once banged my head with another student's head until I felt dizzy!) and one pushed a kid down the stairs...So, anyway, I was TERRIFIED that she was going to punish me so I made a plan to get my report card back

Instead of asking someone to call my parents and ask them to bring the report to school...I decided to walk home by myself...grab the report card...walk back to school. My house is around 12 kilometers away from my school and it takes about 2.5 hours to walk to my home. It would've taken me close to 5 hours to walk to and back from home - by which time everyone would've noticed that I was missing.

I go ahead with my plan and I walk out of the front gate (the security didn't notice because the kids and coming and going out at the time since school was just about to start). I walk from my school for about 3 kms - following the path we drive up to school every morning (impressive right?) and then I come across a junction and kinda get confused about which side to go. Remember, I am nine.

By this time, everyone is giving me weird looks. Because it's a very small kid in a school uniform walking around the main roads with no adult company and I am not carrying any bags with me. People on the road kept asking me if I was lost.

I ended up near a hospital and I found a pay phone there. I decided to call my dad. But I had no money to call him. There was a man trying to make a call on the payphone but whoever he was calling wasn't picking up, so his 5 rupee coin kept bouncing back. I walked to the man and I was like

He gave me some odd looks but gave me the 5 rupee coin anyway. I call my dad (I only knew his number) and he picked up! He was like 'omg where are you?' and I said 'how do I get home I need to get my report card' and he was like 'where the fuck are you' and I said 'hospital' and he was like 'what hospital???' I didn't know the name, so I put the phone down for a bit and ran far away so I could read the name on top of the hospital (I was small so I had to run far away to read it) and when I came back the call was already disconnected because my one-minute duration had passed. All my dad knew was I was not in school and I was stranded in some hospital

Now I walk up to another man, this taxi driver by the hospital, to ask him for another 5 rupees so I can continue my conversation with my dad. This man, very old btw, starts asking me all kinds of questions. He eventually asked me where I lived and I told him my lane name (because I only know my lane name not the full address) and he was like 'omg I live near that lane??' and I was like ' wow really???' and he said 'yes i'll take you home' and I was like 'yay okay!'

But it turns out, this old man actually did live next to my lane and he took me home! When I went home to grab my report card, my mom was in the garden and she went 'wtf are you doing here?' because my dad didn't inform her about my shenanigans.

I told her I needed my report card and I asked her to sign it and then I climbed back on the same taxi and asked the guy to take me back to school (my mom just let me go for some reason???). But when I go to school, my dad is already there...with the police.

Basically, I left my school bag when I went home so they knew I came to school (Also my sisters knew I came to school) so everyone was looking for me and then my dad (after I called him and freaked him out) went to my school with the police and yelled my principal (amongst others) for letting a child escape...

I don't remember a lot of what happened after that, I think everyone laughed about it and decided not to make it a big deal, and I am forgiven (I think?) and then then they let me go back to class. Now I am terrified that my scary class teacher is going to actually kill me after she found out I caused all this chaos but guess what I found out when I went to my class...She was absent on that day.

Ever since that day, they kept calling me 'girl who ran away' and it kind of became a joke as well as a cautionary tale. Mostly people were just impressed that I didn't get kidnapped.

But no one realized (to this day) how scared I must have been of my teacher to literally run away from school, also when my teacher came back the day after she found the whole thing hilarious...

The end.

PS - What is crazier than the random taxi driver living next to my home (my mom said it was my guardian angel in his form...) is the fact that the hospital I was stranded in is the hospital where I was born...

[lastoneout]

New Pinned/Intro Post!

Hi, I'm Loo(or Alex), I'm a disabled queer artist and writer as well as a furry vtuber who streams four days a week on twitch(mostly Minecraft but also Soulsborne games and a variety of other stuff).

You may know me from The Tuna Post, in which several thousand of you came together to "force" me to buy damn near 30 American Dollars worth of imported fancy canned tuna to eat and review live on stream. If you're here for it, said live review can be found on twitch and on my youtube channel. TL;DR: 10/10 would recommend.

I currently can't work, so if you like what I've got going on here and want to help me out, I take donations over on my ko-fi <3 Aside from that, follows on twitch help a lot, even if you never end up watching!

(Also, I sell my twitch emotes as stickers on redbubble!)

I don't have a proper BYF, but as a heads up I'm heavily introverted and have ADHD, and between those and my disabilities eating up my energy I often take a while to respond to messages/tags/reblogs/DMs and sometimes forget entirely. This isn't anything against you, and it's something I'm working on, but just something to keep in mind if you plan on interacting with me a lot.

FAQ:

Do you take commissions?

Not at the moment, but hopefully in the future!

What do you use for art?

Wacom Intuos tablet + Clip Studio Paint on the PC, though these days I mostly use CSP on a Samsung Galaxy Tab s6 since I can use it in bed on my low spoons days.

What do you want to go to school for?

Digital Art and American Sign Language!

You talk about being sick all the time/having health problems, what's wrong with you?

Too many things to list <3 but the most notable ones are chronic migraines, hEDS, and ADHD.

Queer?

I'm ace, bisexual, bigender, and butch. I'm also polyam but currently in a very happy monogamous relationship and don't have plans to change that. My pronouns are she/they, and while I would prefer to not have people use he/him with me you are highly encouraged to use masculine forms of address(sir, guy, dude, king, man, my guy, grandpa, dad, etc.) whenever appropriate. My assigned sex/gender at birth is none of your business.

Who's Yotsuba?

Yotsuba is an adorable little gremlin and the main character of my favorite manga, Yotsuba &!, and you should go read it right now seriously it's amazing go read it go read it GO READ IT-

What's "ask to tag"?

The tumblr equivalent of "author chose not to use archive warnings", I put it on anything that seems like it could use a trigger warning but where no one has specifically asked me to tag for that trigger yet. Things I currently (try to) tag for: flashing lights/eyestrain, insects, suicide, fatphobia/diet culture/disordered eating, my hero academia, gore/body horror, current events, us politics, politics, covid, cats, and anything nsfw goes under nsft.

I can't promise to be 100% consistent with these tho, between the ADHD and the migraines I am very forgetful, so slip ups are bound to happen.

Loo? Like the bathroom??

LOO is short for LastOneOut, I'm american and forgot people call it that, you can write it as Lou or just call me Alex if it makes you feel better.

LookingForLoo?? Like looking for the bathroom??

On websites where LastOneOut is taken I'm LookingForLoo because I'm literally looking for LOO, LastOneOut. I thought it was clever T_T

Sideblogs?

I have a nsfw alt @looafterdark (18+ only I swear to god I keep a loaded gun pointed at the follow list) and a writing inspo blog @last-scrapbook. I also once ran a couple of character ask blogs, though I don't plan on starting them up again, and I was the mod behind @pokeprofshowdown.

Who's Eugene/Ophelia/Sasha?

My ocs from an original story I'm working on. I get brainrot and post about them a lot. You are ALWAYS allowed to ask me about them!

What's your fursona/can I make art of you?

I'm a dog, kinda like a papillion but not really, and yes you may. My ref sheet is here.

Can I repost your funny text posts to twitter/insta/reddit?

Sure, all I ask is that you include the entire post and leave my username visible. You can also tag me if you want, I'm lookingforloo on twitter, insta, and reddit <3

Can I repost your art/writing?

Absolutely not.

Can I plug your art or writing into an AI program?

Absolutely not under any fucking circumstances.

Can I use your art in an amv/fandom board/as a cover for my playlist or fic/ect.?

Depends, DM me first.

Can I write fic/make fanart based on your fics/art/HCs/AUs?

Absolutely <3

Can I write fic/make fanart based on your OCs?

Art yes, fics no.

What's your stance on the discourse?

There is no amount of posting online about contentious topics that could ever match the sheer power of simply going out into your community and finding a project that helps other people that you can dedicate your time and energy to. Also wear a mask, vote(if you can), and listen to marginalized people when they speak about their experiences.

How old are you?

29

[elizabethrobertajones]

Dean & Cas Are In Love

A hopefully one day conclusive study of these assholes, hopefully told as briefly as I can.

[it went fuckin canon? Rendered useless in my own job. Posting these gifsets from my drafts for @mittensmorgul​ who can make better use of them than me.]

-------

I think I giffed the first 4 just because no one can resist that hug and “nice peach fuzz” boop. The raw affection while Cas stays stock still because he’s living an entirely different genre of survival horror to Dean. You know, Dean in an action RPG with one clear objective (handily these are often like, Find Wife, for a generic action guy). And Cas is in some sort of indie psychological horror where the very concept of Wifey is poison and he must resist the temptations of Save Wife to paradoxically Save Wife. 

I think Gif 5 is right after “we’re getting out of here” just to seal Dean’s pride in having accomplished his objective and heard the quest completion music. 

Then a gif of Benny cutting in because this nonsense has gone on long enough and he can see Cas is resisting all this and Dean after a minute of this conversation is wilfully blind to what is plain to Benny: Cas is resisting all this good cheer, and to Benny this is suspicious because you SHOULD only want to get out of Purgatory. Benny is being used here to show the absolute blinders Dean has on when it comes to Cas: to have a straight guy to the dynamic (ironically) simply to display that Dean is NOT on a simple emotional level here, and if he wasn’t already proving to be compromised over Cas in getting here, now they’ve arrived it’s become abundantly clear he’s on a whole other level with Cas to Benny when we’re talking Brothers In Arms.

(I mean Dean has a whole subtextually gay thing with Benny too, who comes across incredibly queer and in like a sad gay movie with Dean in the Benny-centric episodes, so when I say they exemplify Brothers In Arms and Benny is the straight guy, I am talking by Supernatural standards.) 

The I Prayed To You line then drops one of the biggest bombs in all of Destiel, and in later years will be amplified by the Longing Retcon two seasons later, which implies all prayer to a specific angel doesn’t need a whole formal letterhead and stamp and mailing address carefully written on it before it can be sent, but can just be a quick drunk text from your heart with no conscious intent. Making this entire year 1000x worse from Cas’s survival horror game perspective. Even before that, of course, this was the most dramatic statement of emotional intent from Dean we’d gotten thus far and as with the “has too much heart” statement being a thesis on Cas, this became basically the tentpole evidence for Dean’s point of view on Destiel, proving how much he cared.

Cas then reveals a sliver of how rough it’s been for him, and shattered Dean’s bubble with the explanation of where he went on arrival in Purgatory and why. That it was another self-sacrificial gambit, and a forbidden star-crossed lovers type thing of Cas being near Dean would doom him simply by proximity. Nom nom nom tropes.  

[frozen-spaghetti]

Why Sans & Papyrus' are from Deltarune, and how it's so controversial

In the Deltarune fandom, I've been noticing some recent debate on whether Sans & Papyrus are truly from Undertale's world or Deltarune's world. So, I've decided to make a Tumblr theory post to cover several aspects of this! Enjoy!

Part I of this post covers the evidence, II covers counter-evidence, and III covers the controversy of it.

Part I - Are they from DELTARUNE's world? Here's some of the evidence:

• In the Genocide battle against Sans, he begins speaking about "going back." To where? Well.... • This is also a parallel to some of his dialogue on the Pacifist run. He comments to Frisk that he understands their feeling of longing to return home.

• However, this could just mean the surface, right?

• With that one line, Sans has made it clear that neither the Undergroud nor the Surface is his true home.

He also is the only returning Undertale character with absolutely zero outfit or theme song changes between games.

• Okay, but what about Papyrus? He's a totally different guy in Deltarune! He never goes outside, and in Undertale, he claims to have never seen a human.

• Well, I do have a few counters to this.

• As many fans will know, Papyrus confirmed in the Summer 2023 newsletter that he used to live in a place with green grass, such as the place that he and Sans on in Hometown.

• Now, that confirms Sans and Papyrus are both from the same world, and likely the Deltarune world as previously established. They also may have gotten the means to travel from the third skeleton, Gaster, who is all but confirmed to be a major player in Deltarune.

• As for why Papyrus acts so differently depending on the worlds; well... I don't subscribe to amnesia theory. It leans too hard into giving Sans the better treatment, so instead, I'd say Papyrus is purposefully in denial. How so? Let's read some dialogue from the King Papyrus ending.

All of this makes it seem like Papyrus is used to denial and making himself forget things. This seems to cast a new light onto that "don't forget." note as well. However, with all that out of the way, let me move on to addressing some counter arguments.

Part II - Merchandise, Dust, and Kris

• Okay, if Papyrus is from Deltarune, why does he dust? Berdly doesn't dust when he dies, and Sans isn't shown to dust either.

This is explained via the "fallen down" mechanism, when monsters are near-dead but are not fully dusted. This happens to Undertale monsters, and presumably Berdly as well. Berdly enters a deathly coma which is a major symptom of fallen down, and when Sans dies we don't see him dust on-screen. He possibly entered the state, and the reason we don't see him in the overworld is because he either already dusted, or he teleported away and remained in a coma. Due to the fact we earned an LV I'd go with the former.

Merchandise. Toby promised there wouldn't be merch of Deltarune lightners, but there's a Papyrus and Sans plush!

• Well, I'd say these are just based on where they appear first, they're branded as Undertale anyway. It'd be like if Smash Bros. Ultimate labelled Sans as a Deltarune character. For now, and likely for forever unless some crazy specific stuff happens, these two will be more associated with Undertale.

Part II.I - The Kris Argument

Papyrus has never met a human! Thus, we either can't see him in Deltarune or he's from Undertale.

Well, this is a fair point, but assuming Papyrus Denial Theory is true, him blocking away all of his memories of the Deltarune world could explain this! But even ignoring that....The skeletons are known to be quite the secretive sillies, even ignoring Gaster.

So in general, with all the counterpoints out of the way, why is this controversial in general?

Part III: Controversy

Many people argue that Sans & Papyrus being from Deltarune would be a case of poor writing.

Several have expressed concerns about how Undertale characters already have a game, and how multiverse stories in recent memory have often messed up, and how Toby could fall into said traps. Last thing we want is Bad Time Megalovania 2 Strike Back right?

I've also seen it be called "Toby leaning into fandom tropes" as well but to be fair, Toby created said tropes with lines by Sans and Alphys implying AU's exist canonically, and he himself pushes Sans as a mascot all the time, though he isn't the main character.

But yeah, with the several decent counterpoints explained away, it somewhat confuses me how large the group of people is that still deny Sans is from Deltarune is, albeit I understand their concerns.

So, since this seems to be really divisive these days (though generally most agree with me..)

I'd like to ask;

Do you think Sans & Papyrus are from Deltarune?

[zeldahime]

Highway to Pail Day 4

[Day 1] [Prev] [Next] @do-it-with-style-events

February 4: I don't trust trees. They're shady.

Pestilence was making her way through the countryside again, and it rather dampened Crowley's mood. The bloody blasted plague was sweeping through England, making it difficult and depressing to travel even for a demon who wasn't able to contract human diseases, since nobody but him knew that and revealing otherwise was likely to get him discorporated. There was also the matter of the damned (literally) horse, a great hulking black stallion that despised Crowley and was despised in return. Blackie had tried to throw Crowley twice in the last hour, and had only failed because Crowley had miracled himself to the saddle.

He had to go tempt someone in Hull, of all the godforsaken places. Surely just living in Hull was punishment enough; no need to bring eternity into it.

Since he was heading north anyway, he figured he might try to make it over to see how Manchester was coming along this decade, and since that made an extended trip, he checked to see if Aziraphale needed him to pick up anything while he was out.

"Ah, a new set of orders just arrived for me this morning!" Aziraphale had said, bustling over to his desk. "Well, let's see. I've a spot of divine ecstasy to deliver in Hull from the last set; I've been putting it off but you know the poor lady must deserve it: living in Hull is trial enough for the soul. Hmm, Plymouth--ah, American Plymouth rather--, Swansea, Geneva... oh, here, there's one in Lincolnshire as well, you'll like this one, dear. 'Divine inspiration to more accurate human understanding of the underlying laws of the universe," that's much more your area than mine I should think, natural sciences and all that."

It was indeed much more Crowley's area; he liked hanging out with scientists and philosophers, the kind of humans who asked clever questions about how the universe worked and why. Aziraphale always gave him the good divine inspirations, cloaking it in ignorance of the physical laws that had always been second-nature to Crowley, though Crowley knew Aziraphale had enough understanding to carry them out himself. It was one of the reasons the Arrangement worked so well, he thought; they did each other little favors like this, gave each other jobs that were a bit fun.

And so here Crowley was, fighting with a horrible horse in the middle of nowhere during a plague year looking for a sheep farm. This part was not fun. This part, to be very clear, totally sucked.

Thankfully, Aziraphale had already interpreted Heaven's shaky-at-best approximations at where things on Earth were actually located, and given Crowley an address and a decent map of the area, so he located the sheep farm -- Woolsthorpe Manor, the map said -- with little difficulty aside from Blackie's enmity and a general sense of unease and malaise in the air.

He dismounted, setting Blackie to graze and to behave himself under threat of being sold for meat and glue, and took a moment to case the place. Sheep and pastures; biggish house and a bunch of sheds; orchard with some fruit trees. Aziraphale's orders hadn't been very specific about how the intervention should be achieved, but there'd been some balderdash about natural beauty and the circular nature of God's Plan For Life On Earth, and Crowley noticed an apple tree on the edge of the orchard, near to a window; he bookmarked that thought.

The target was called "Yitzhak the Lizard" in Aziraphale's orders, so he and Crowley supposed he was most likely called Isaac, but the family living at Woolsthorpe Manor was called Ayscough. Crowley suspected it would take a bit of detective work to figure out which servant Isaac was, and was still deciding how to approach when a young man in his mid-twenties jumpscared him.

Introduced himself as Isaac Newton, too, so that solved that.

Using just a touch of a glamour to make his presence seem a bit more natural and less like a potential vector of disease, Crowley chatted with the young man for a good while. Isaac was the grandson of the widow Ayscough, a student at Trinity College, sent home due to the plague, interested in optics and the laws of motion and, more than anything else in the world, mathematics. He showed Crowley his notebook full of notations, letters with little dots over them equaling other letters, which Crowley couldn't follow, and explained the logic of it, which Crowley could. Heaven, he thought, had wanted Aziraphale to arrange a divine intervention into Isaac's mathematics, but Isaac had that well in hand already: it was well beyond what anyone else on Earth had thought up, and he was still a student.

As evening drew in, young Isaac invited Crowley to supper and shelter for the night, which he accepted politely, and to board Blackie in the stables, which he accepted with vicious glee. Making Blackie someone else's problem for a bit always put a little varnish on their souls while also relieving him of needing to lift a finger or deal with the damn horse.

As they passed through the orchard, Isaac ran his hand through the leaves of low-lying branches. A gardener yelled across the field not to disturb the apples, to which the young man just smiled.

Well. Crowley knew a thing or two about apples and Plans, and the kid had wondered why things move the way they do.

As they passed under a lovely straight Flower of Kent, Isaac Newton disturbed the leaves and a large, green, perfectly round apple miraculously imbued with insight into the observation that "things fall down" fell out of the tree and smacked into his skull.

As he stopped to rub his head while Crowley tried not to laugh at him, the young man asked: "I wonder how far an apple could fall? Not just from the tree, that is, but why not from as high as the moon?"

Crowley just smiled enigmatically, which Isaac took as encouragement, and mentally began drafting a memo for Aziraphale to send back up to Home Office.

---

Author's note:

Everything's as close to accurate to real life Isaac Newton and Woolsthorpe Manor as I could get it, except his personality (which I understand was curmudgeonly in his old age, but I have no idea about him as a youth) and the fact that he didn't *actually* have an apple fall on his head, probably. 1666 was indeed the year he first started developing both calculus and the law of gravitation.

I'm sorry for picking on Hull! I'm sure it's a lovely city. I chose it as the place Crowley was going for a temptation (and a divine ecstasy) because that's the place specifically called out as an example of the arrangement in the book, and so is Crowley getting free reign over Manchester (page 50 in my paperback). And hey, if he's already going north....

The actual pun didn't quite make it in, but hey! Trees!

[dgcatanisiri]

I saw a critique of Picard season three put forward as "a story about how only boomers can save the day from the bad thing," and... I can see it, I'm not saying that it's an invalid critique, but at the same time, I don't think it's altogether fair.

Like, for one, I feel like if there's any age-based or generational-base of the storytelling, it's in the realm of "being old does not mean you have nothing to contribute." Which is kind of a big deal when most of the time in media, you see Hollywood specifically trying to draw in and appeal to the demographics of youth, to hook them in and hold them for life. Meanwhile, Picard centered on a character in his nineties played by an actor in his eighties, and aside from Jack Crusher and Sidney La Forge, every major character and actor in the season was older than forty, at least, with the TNG cast all over sixty, with only two under seventy.

It's a pretty big deal, especially when you remember that the last time that Star Trek was directly addressing the aging of its cast, the characters involved were in the fifty/sixty range, and talking like they were near the end of their years of being able to contribute something, that they'd come to the end of their road and were just going to fade away soon after. So while the TNG characters weren't necessarily on the front line and acting as line officers, doing the day to day field work, they were also very clearly shown as being able to contribute to the world they lived in, being able to make the difference.

Plus the framing of Seven of Nine, I feel, makes a refutation of the idea as well - she is, despite being a returning character we the audience already knew, at the head of the "new generation," we see that throughout her framing, particularly in her relationship with Shaw. Not just with her advancement to captain, but also in particular in that last message from Shaw in the finale, where he acknowledges that he's representative of the old ways standing in her way and that if she's writing a new book, it's because the old one needs to be rewritten.

Now, maybe you could look at this in like a "boomers versus millennials/Gen Z" thing, but - and maybe it's just my general trend towards optimism, particularly in my Star Trek - but what I see is NOT generational conflict, but more of a call for generational UNITY. Y'know, the first half of the season, we saw how Sidney's faith and trust in Seven helped save the Titan, because she respected Seven to call her by her name, stopping the infiltrator. Although it was part of the Borg hijack, Jack's connected nature helped to save the day multiple times. And Seven also trusted that Picard and crew could do something against the Borg.

Hell, I could even take this further, and call this a metaphor AGAINST generational conflict, that it's saying that others will try to use generational differences to divide and disrupt, and we need to overcome that - this is something I KNOW I've seen talked about plenty on Tumblr, how we have all this stuff trying to pit millennials and Gen Z against one another, in the same way that millennials and the baby boomers are. That this is an effort by the forces of power (power that goes beyond generation) to keep the masses divided against one another so that they aren't a threat to that power structure.

Because sure, the Supercube and the Borg Queen were destroyed by the TNG crew flying in and saving the day, but Seven and company retook the Titan and held off the assault on Earth long enough that they could do that without Earth and the Federation falling, and a major point is that Jack had to CHOOSE to leave the Collective, that it had to be his decision. Everyone had to work together for that happy ending, rather than alone.

Maybe I am being overly optimistic and taking the best faith interpretation at the expense of something else being involved and at play... But then, isn't that something that Star Trek has always tried to ENCOURAGE, to believe the best in things?

[swords-and-chaos]

Tally Hall community drama/slight vent post ahead. Be warned. This is not about the doc itself, nor is it any sort of allegation. This post is more to do with toxicity within the community. There may be some use of strong language. To be specific, this post is about the Tally Hall community as a whole and specifically twitter’s treatment/harrassment of Tally Hall Youtubers. If you don’t wanna hear about it, do not read ahead.

apologies if I get any Pronouns wrong. I’m going to do my best for this, but I don’t know everybody’s pronouns and a lot of people are offline right now.

I doubt this will reach its intended audience since most of this has been occurring on Twitter, but I will be damned if you find me anywhere near that website.

So, I have been friends with several unnamed tally Tubers for about two months, some for longer. I am not going to say who out of respect for their privacy, but what I will say is the way y’all are treating them is completely fucking unacceptable.

To get this out-of-the-way, Joe has done awful things. None of these people are Joe defenders. None of them think he’s a good person. None of them agree with or condone his actions.

THAT BEING SAID it is completely unreasonable to expect literal teenagers to be able to address complex issues like grooming, pedophilia, transphobia, assault, ect., in a timely manner OR AT ALL. I know they have a platform and that comes with responsibility, however, you have to remember they are still people. Some of them are younger than me, and I am literally still a minor.

specifically, I am talking about Tally Twitter. The way y’all target tally ball in particular for any slight infraction is extremely frustrating to say the least. It is unfair to expect him to be the perfect beacon of reason and morality when he is a 17 year-old. Can I emphasize that again? A 17 YEAR OLD!! Y’all are literally so quick to jump on any slight mistake. How dare the updates YouTuber do an update!!!! specifically I am thinking about the incident where someone claimed that Joe was dead. Of course he was going to make an update. That’s his job. It is not his job, however, to discuss complex. Issues like allegations of assault, pedophilia, transphobia, etc. The fact that he did and it was not great does not change that fact.

To address the elephant in the room: the recent video Tal made. Could he have been more sensitive about it? Yes. Should that be his job and should he be flame roasted for having a controversial take? absolutely not. He had to put out a video so quickly because that is his job. There was not enough time for the situation to develop. Tal is absolutely not the only case of this, but he is the most visible one.

to be fair to you guys, I know that a lot of you are younger than 17. As a 17-year-old myself, I want to remind you that 17 is in no way in an adult and these people should not have the responsibility of having the “correct opinion “100% of the time.

It is important to remember that every mean comment you leave or snarky post you make has real effects on people’s lives and mental health. I’m not going to go into details, but this is absolutely been taking a toll on everyone. I don’t want to have a debate about this in the re-blogs or comments, I just want you to think about what I’m saying.

Liking a band does not make you responsible for addressing the personal lives and actions of the members. Period.

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

To be honest, I don't really have that many non-Jewish friends anymore. Apart from a few months living with my parents between seminary and moving here, I've both lived and studied or worked in frum communities for almost a decade. I don't live near either my hometown or my college city, so I only keep up with a select few people from those places.

On top of that, for those I do still actively keep in touch with or am Facebook friends with, I've never really bought into the idea that so many other Jews I know seem to be obsessing over lately that someone who isn't addressing Hamas's attack/antisemitism in general on social media and/or reaching out to the Jews they know to ask how they are is necessarily some big antisemite or at best someone who doesn't care about Jews. All of this feels SO close and all-consuming to us, but that's because it's our people. There are all kinds of devastating events, natural disasters, etc. happening all over the world. No one addresses every single one. Most of us don't address most of the things that happen "far away over there" at all. And to a lot of non-Jews, all of this IS "far away over there." They don't understand how deeply connected we all are to it. And the antisemitism that is local isn't on their radar the same way it is for us.

Yes, it's nice if they condemn the terror and mourn the victims. Yes, it's nice if they check in with us. No, it doesn't necessarily mean they're terrible people if they don't.

That said.

I had a non-Jewish college friend reach out and ask how I was doing given everything going on. So I told her. I told her that we're physically ok but it's been an emotionally very intense few weeks. I told her that I have 3 cousins currently called up to the army, and that my husband and I both have tons of civilian friends and relatives in Eretz Yisroel who we're worried about, and that I've been working overtime at work on projects related to the conflict such that I hardly ever stop thinking about it, and that I can't stop thinking about the children and babies taken hostage, and that my coworker was the victim of antisemitic attacks twice in one day.

Silence.

It's been 6 days. She read the message within minutes of my sending it. And then silence.

It's possible that her silence has nothing to do with me or what I shared. Technically. I know she's faced mental health issues at various times.

But the thing is, I have no way of knowing without some level of confrontation.

She knows I lived in Eretz Yisroel for a year. I'm pretty sure she knows the story of my confronting a professor about his antisemitism in the guise of "antizionism" in college. Surely she shouldn't have been surprised by my concern for my Israeli family, friends, the hostages. She hasn't publicly posted anything about the conflict, so while her politics generally lean left, I don't have any specific reason to think she's pro-Hamas.

Was I supposed to be a good little Jew and only be concerned about antisemitism here where I am? Was I supposed to hate my Israeli cousins who are in the IDF and not care about my other friends and family there because they should just leave, or they deserve what they're getting? Is that what she's thinking?

I don't know.

I don't want to think that of her. But the problem is that the void left by her silence is so easy to explain with antisemitism, and not as easy to excuse away with something more benign.

I would've rather she hadn't reached out at all than leave me wondering like this.

[hot-take-tournament]

Hi, the one anon with a stalker story here. Basically, it started around February of this year, sort of. I, a cringefail lesbian wasn't exactly going out with a girl, but we mutually like each other, so I was gonna ask her to the Sadie's dance that was soon, but my almost-stalker did, I had a little thing of self-discovery, but the important thing from this was my almost-stalker and I both liked her, but it was a thing of us both wanting her to be happy (tbh I felt like I got led on, but I learned later they went as friends). Anyways, after my almost-stalker also got her heart broken by this girl, we talked for a bit, we shared a class (choir). I heard that she was kind of weird and creepy, but it was a thing of not judging people before I met them. The first red flag was the fact that she knew where most of her friends live, only because of the location feature on snapchat, even having pictures of their houses, a lot of which without the knowledge of the person. A few days later, I was waiting for my friend after school, because they live near me and we go home together (they let their girlfriend drive their car to a clinic nearby because she was going into a medical field and worked there for experience) and my almost-stalker was there, near a rock pit (kind of important, I promise). So, because me and my friend and my almost-stalker are a group of gays, we were looking around the rock pit, picking up pretty rocks. As a small sign of friendship, I gave my almost-stalker a pretty rock I found. Later, she got my number from a friend. That evening, she was texting me, and said that she liked me (specifically, one of the questions of "what would you do if I liked you"), so I replied as kindly as I could, saying I didn't like her back. A half hour later, she was asking where I lived. After two answers of just the town I was in and the area nearby she said "It's OK. I will only watch you through you windows" (actual quote from her). I am a very paranoid person, and I was getting VERY nervous, texting two of my friends about it (the one who gave my phone number to her and another friend mostly unrelated with the incident). The one friend who gave my number (who was apparently high at the time) was joking about giving her my address because "it would be funny". So there I was, crying, hands shaking texting my other friend how scared I was about it. I kind of just didn't reply to my almost-stalker, though she was trying to find out where I lived still, through something I said. I haven't really talked to the girl since, though I tried my best to get a sick day because of how terrified I was of going to school the next day. I'm fine, a little paranoid still, but fine 👍 (sorry this is so long)

i've never had a stalker, so i can't say i know exactly what that's like - but i think i can relate to that feeling of paranoia

over the past couple years i've lived in some dangerous areas, and i've had people jump me in the street, wait for me outside buildings, and follow me home; and sometimes i feel as though i'll spend the rest of my life never being truly safe

it's an awful feeling, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone

i know you sent this months ago now, so i don't know if you'll read this, and i'm really sorry for not responding when you first sent this; but i hope you're still doing okay <3

[meganwilhoit]

Digital Retailing: Understanding and Communicating with the E-Consumer.

Over the last few years digital retailing and e-commerce have been steadily increasing. And then with the COVID-19 pandemic and months of lockdown, e-commerce has skyrocketed. In 2022 the United States' eCommerce surpassed one trillion dollars (Clark, 2022) and holds roughly an 11.27% annual growth rate (Statista, 2022). 

Hi, my name is Megan Wilhoit I am a digital marketing student at Davenport University in Michigan, and I am a consumer. I am lucky enough to come from a generation who grew up with technology as an aid to my life and have it not consume my life. Because of this, I was able to see how retail has changed over the years for the average consumer. I get to see firsthand how new technology is impacting our lives, whether that is an advantage or disadvantage. And as someone who is is wanting to go into digital marketing, getting to experience how digital retail affects consumers and how they shop is super important. 

I remember the days when if I couldn’t find something at Meijer, I would go to a different store or find the next best alternative. But now we live in a world where if I don’t see a specific product in store, I go straight to Amazon, or that store's website, and order it to be at my doorstep in one day. Over the last 23 years, I have gotten to witness the fantastic advantages e-shopping has brought to e-consumers. But I have also gotten to see the disadvantages that come with e-shopping for consumers. And when comparing the advantages and disadvantages, it makes me start to wonder how “great” e-shopping really is for the average consumer. 

One of the most common advantages I have seen is the convenience e-shopping has brought to consumers. Like I stated before, I remember the days when if something could not be found in-store, you would have to go to a different location or store to find the product or you could maybe order the product online. But now with e-retailing, consumers (like myself) can purchase products from anywhere online. I don’t need to go in person to look for a product. Also, online retailers such as Amazon, have even made the online purchasing environment even easier, using “buy now with one click” options, saving your address and payment information for future purchases, and easily being able to re-purchase goods you have bought in the past. With these benefits, consumers are also not having to put in as much effort and thinking when it comes to buying. These benefits are focused more on non-perishable items, but e-retailers have even been bringing grocery shopping online. With companies such as Shipt, Instacart, or grocery stores' online grocery shopping applications, consumers can do their weekly grocery shopping from the comfort of their homes or during breaks at work. Consumers can even schedule when they want their groceries to be delivered and schedule future grocery shopping for their most common items. 

The convenience of e-retailing can also be viewed from a location standpoint. E-retailing can put consumers in contact with brands all across the world, or just help consumers reach retailers who don’t have a physical location near them. 

Two personal examples of location convince that come to mind are 1, I live in Grand Rapids, Michigan. I am fortunate enough to live near many malls and shopping centers, but one huge company I don’t have nearby is IKEA. With my current financial situation (being a college student and only working part-time), I cannot afford to purchase expensive furniture (even if it will last me longer). So using IKEA can really help save me money. And with e-retailing, I am actually able to purchase their products without having to drive the two and half hour journey. IKEA even offers a “design” feature on their online store where consumers (such as myself) and design out how furniture will fit and look into space. Without e-retailing and its features I would have to truly envision a space with furniture, measure out the open spaces, write a list of these measurements, and still have to make an almost 3-hour car ride to a store where the products in mind may not even be in stock. E-retailing has been able to completely cut out these inconveniences for consumers online. My other personal experience deals with local businesses. Every year I go to Mackinac Island. On the island, there are so many cute local shops and boutiques, and I love looking through them to get gift ideas. With e-retailing I can now take their business cards home with me and still be able to purchase their products from my hometown of Grand Rapids, instead of having to make the purchase the exact moment I am on the island. E-retailing has made connecting with local businesses online plausible. 

Some other advantages e-retailing has brought consumers are the variety of products or “breadth and depth” as well as the personalization of products. Online stores are able to hold a much larger stock of products for consumers than a traditional store can hold. This allows of consumers to have much more variety in styles, sizing, colors, etc. Also with online shopping, personalizing individual products is much easier. Whether that orders a custom-sized couch to fit a specific living area or customing a pair of Nikes to your significant other's favorite colors. Another area of personalization online retail stores has been able to add sections such as “customers also bought”. Consumers can use these features to find other products or brands similar to what they already have purchased while having this feeling of personalization with the company. 

The last “common” advantage e-retailing brings to consumers is the pricing and the ease of product comparisons. Pricing has been found to be cheaper through online retailers because “online retailers may have fewer overhead costs” (Kelly and Baker, 2022), as well as the ease of finding coupon codes and extra sales. Also with the ease of e-retailing consumers can easily compare prices of specific products on different websites to see which site is going to give them the best deal. The same thing goes for products. For me when I think of when I want to buy a dress for a more formal occasion. I can now use the Internet to not only find different brands but also compare their prices, reviews, and style options before making my final purchase. There are also even websites and apps that will compare prices for items for the consumer. The most common occurrence of this I think is comparing airline prices through travel agencies such as Trivago and Google itself. 

Although e-retailing has brought consumers so many amazing advantages and conveniences, e-retailing also brings consumers some disadvantages. 

One common disadvantage is the lack of security and the fear consumers feel about their information being stolen. For major brands online stores, consumers may feel more comfortable inputting their information, but for smaller or newer brands consumers may have a fear of having their information stolen. And if businesses do not input proper safety measures for this secure information, consumers' personal information can be stolen they will no longer want to shop from that specific e-retail store. I have never had my information stolen through online retail stores, but I am extra careful of what websites I input this information just for extra precaution. Another large disadvantage consumers face with online shopping is the lack of personal interaction. This social interaction can help consumers build loyalty to a brand. I also know from personal experience I really enjoy the interaction in traditional retail stores so I can receive a second opinion from “the expert”, and when purchasing more expensive items such as furniture, it is nice to get that expert opinion and see what they have to offer and if they can make any recommendations, and this cannot be done easily through e-retailing. 

Some other disadvantages that customers face with e-retailing (and I have personally experienced) are delivery times can be extremely long or customers have to pay extra money to have products delivered sooner, issues with online refunds, and not being able to actually use our five senses to buy products on the e-retail store. 

Customer reviews are one feature of online retailing that I have seen to be an advantage AND a disadvantage for customers. As an advantage, it gives customers a better idea of how products look (with real-life customer images), how materials hold up, and overall how other customers like the product. This can help influence a customer's purchase decision. From my experience, I always read customer reviews before an online purchase now, and if I read any bad reviews I either don’t purchase at all or I have to really think about if I want to make this risky purchase. But I also view customer reviews as a disadvantage sometimes. For starters, some products can have really mixed reviews and it doesn’t help a customer in determining if they want to purchase the product. But also today brands use “influencer marketing” so much more, they pay “influencers” to talk good about their products and promote them, and will even give out sales codes for the influencer's audience to use. With this, it’s hard to tell what reviews are based on personal experience or if they're just being paid to leave good reviews. One example of this that I have seen is with the Beis Weekender Bag/Tote. This product was heavily advertised on TikTok over the last 6 months or so. Every influencer was raving about it and calling it “the best travel bag ever”. Then the average consumer started buying this bag but realized this bag sucked for travel (especially flying). So through these “deceiving” reviews, consumers wasted their money on a product that doesn't actually do its job and this reflects poorly on the brand itself. 

References

Clark, D. (2022, June 14). » US Ecommerce Will Cross $1 Trillion in 2022 eMarketer Newsroom. Insider Intelligence. Retrieved January 18, 2023, from https://www.insiderintelligence.com/newsroom/index.php/us-ecommerce-will-cross-1-trillion-in-2022/

Eleonora Pantano, Bang Nguyen, Charles Dennis, & Sabine Gerlach. (2017). Internet Retailing and Future Perspectives: Vol. Second edition. Routledge.

Kelly, R. (2022, November 8). Is Shopping Online Really Cheaper? The Balance. Retrieved January 18, 2023, from https://www.thebalancemoney.com/is-shopping-online-really-cheaper-939778Statista. (2022). eCommerce - United States. Statista. Retrieved January 18, 2023, from https://www.statista.com/outlook/dmo/ecommerce/united-states#key-players

[denimbex1986]

'Space and time are rendered deliberately unstable in Andrew Haigh’s All of Us Strangers. The film is anchored in a new, near-empty London high-rise where Adam (Andrew Scott), a middle-aged screenwriter, lives an apparently solitary existence. But its second crucial location is his childhood home in South London, which he takes periodic train rides to over the course of the film. In the former, he meets a gay man named Harry (Paul Mescal), one of the building’s only other inhabitants, whom he starts a relationship with. In the latter, he sees his parents. This latter encounter is as might be expected, of course — except that the pair are played by Jamie Bell and Claire Foy, who in their thirties are much younger than Scott’s Adam is. Later, we learn that Adam’s parents died in a car crash when he was 11.

Loosely adapted from Japanese writer Taichi Yamada’s 1987 novel Strangers, previously put to screen by Nobuhiko Obayashi under the title The Discarnates (1988), All of Us Strangers is a ghost story of sorts. Haunted by his past, Adam repeatedly returns to his childhood home to interact with his parents and hold imaginary, would-be conversations about where he is now, what he is doing with his life, and so forth. Haigh’s twist on this basic formula is that while Adam’s parents are the same age they were when they died in the ’80s, he is interacting with them as an adult gay man. This temporal and cultural gap allows for Haigh’s script to address all manner of issues about the changes in gay life, such as pivots in cultural acceptance of gay men and shifting attitudes toward AIDS. It also allows for the film to press the issue of how Adam’s loneliness is related to the wider social world. For if people like him are no longer outcasts, then who is to blame for his sadness and solitude? As he tells his mother, without quite seeming to believe it himself: “If I am [lonely], it’s not because I’m gay. Not really.”

The ambivalence of this “not really” also hangs over Adam’s relationship with Harry, whose own loneliness is plainly evident from the jump. Just as his scenes with his parents unfold like a chamber drama, Adam’s burgeoning relationship with Harry is depicted as a theatrical two-hander. No sense of the wider world ever intrudes on their interactions, and even when they go out for a night on the town and into a club, the environment is drained of any sort of social specificity. It later turns out that this sense of enclosure is deliberate. But what it means, dramatically, is that the central tension mainly comes from how Adam hovers between the film’s two central locations: a past home that is no longer and a present home that does not feel quite there.

The trouble is that the very conception of All of Us Strangers, with its supernatural hook, is somewhat at odds with Haigh’s general approach to psychological and behavioral credibility, as one finds in Weekend (2011) and 45 Years (2015). When Adam brings Harry to see his parents, Haigh can only see the incongruities resolving in psychological terms: the viewer must eventually be able to sharply separate the real from the imaginary. And by the end, this is precisely what the film, with its turgid twist ending, accomplishes. While such a commitment to a sharp real–imaginary split is not in itself a failing — indeed it is quite common — in this particular context, it creates an odd sort of circularity. The film’s story concept requires that there be no stable social world. The absence of a social world means that there is no behavioral interest to enliven the story concept. By suspending the viewer between liminal locales, All of Us Strangers clearly aims at a kind of otherworldly frisson, a sense of the unknowable. Mostly, though, it is just sad, somber, and a touch strained.'

[warsofasoiaf]

Without lionizing Gaddafi (who by all accounts was a real piece of work), how well would you say the western intervention in Libya generally? Not having studied in closely, it seems to be a disaster twice over. First, because it destabilized North Africa specifically and the Mediterranean more generally, and second it sent every strong man in the world a clear message: "Do not give up your nukes. The nukes are all that prevents them from doing you the same way."

I don't think criticizing foreign action, whether specific mistakes or in general, is lionizing Gaddafi. I think that's a binary thought process - either you're pro-foreign intervention or pro-Gaddafi, where there's actually a whole gulf of possibilities not in either camp. This isn't a new problem, though, straw manning is an old rhetorical device, and it's not going away any time soon.

I disagree that the message "Do not give up your nukes. The nukes are all that prevents them from doing you the same way," was communicated by this though. Countries that have desired nuclear programs (Iran, North Korea) have sought to develop them regardless of Libya nuclear dismantlement - Iran's program was ongoing when Libya agreed to dismantle them in 2003, same with North Korea. Arguably, Cold War deterrence theory has already established that message. Similarly, plenty of non-nuclear equipped strongmen and kleptocrats have maintained their brutal stranglehold on their countries without the aid of nuclear weapons, usually through seeking a foreign military patron, selling a valuable resource (often extracted under near-slave working conditions), or just not being worth the hassle. Also, nuclear weapons are notoriously difficult to use, particularly for a small country, and they're a one-shot pistol. A country with a tiny nuclear weapons program can't be guaranteed of successful employment, cannot be guaranteed of secrecy, etc.

It's not an easy question for serious examination, not just because of politically-charged nature of the question but because "Western intervention" in terms of the NATO mission ended in 2011 and the Second Libyan Civil War erupted into violence in 2014. So in that sense, what is attributable to the power vacuum left by Gaddafi's death and what was not. A large-scale uprising against Gaddafi was almost inevitable given the context of the Arab Spring and reprisal against Gaddafi's repressive regime. The protests weren't sparked by foreign intervention (despite Gaddafi's claims and frequently-online claims of "CIA color revolutions" that always crop up), and Gaddafi was certainly killing a lot of protestors when intervention was authorized. In the narrow mission scope of preventing Gaddafi from murdering his own civilians, that's successful, but that's a bit like saying the War in Afghanistan was successful when Hamid Karzai was installed: the aftermath matters, especially to the civilians that live there. The GNC was unable to address Libyan civilian concerns and factional fighting (supported by various factions including Russia, Turkey, Egypt, etc.) erupted again. If we measure the western intervention's success against its mission goal of "prevent a humanitarian catastrophe," then it succeeded in the short-term only, and helped create the conditions for a humanitarian catastrophe. In that sense, it can't be seen as a success.

Thanks for the question, Anon.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King