#and his name is Sheev!

[phoenixkaptain]

Really think we should start looking at a “Bail Antilles won the election over Palpatine” AU.

Like, I know Palpatine probably would’ve tried to kill him or make him appear weaker or would’ve just bided his time, but the whole series would be so funny because Bail Antilles is like, nigh unkillable. Dude only died because the planet he was on exploded, they had to blow up Alderaan to kill Bail, this man is immensely powerful.

But also, just imagine??? Palpatine would be like “Chancellor, we’re friends :) you can ask me for advice :)” and Bail would be like “oh yeah sure definitely if I ever need advice I will go to you first” but then just.. never do that.

Because! Bail’s wife is a queen! He would go to Breha first and everyone else second! Everyone would be like “it’s so hard to manipulate our new Chancellor :/“ because Bail just does not ask anyone for advice. Bail offers advice, he does not get offered advice.

Palpatine would’ve tried to kill Bail, but Bail is friends with literally so many Jedi. Bail would just be like “Hey, Obi-Wan, remember that time when you were eighteen when you-“ and Obi-Wan: “I will do whatever you ask without question if you shut the fuck up.” Bail would have Jedi with him all the time, just for funsies and because he’s pals with them. Bail would be like “oh, someone has tried to kill me again… this is an opportunity to spend more time with my dear friend Obi-Wan :)”

Palpatine would try to make Bail appear weaker and Bail would just not fall to the bait. He’d just be like “oh something is going on? Hold on a moment, I’m busy making sure the Trade Federation doesn’t do anything stupid, then I’ll be showing the Senate my fifteen-hundred page slideshow that explains why I’m being nice to the Trade Federation and how helping them will ultimately help the Republic, then I have lunch with Obi-Wan and after that I have tea with Obi-Wan and then I’ll have dinner with Padme, Breha, and Obi-Wan, so I’ll get to it after that- wait, no, Breha threatened to take over the Republic if I was home late again, so I guess I’ll have to get to that thing tomorrow ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ “

I just… feel like we should discuss the world in which Valorum was cut from Supreme Chancellor only for Bail Antilles to replace him.

[interdimensionalhellscapeportal]

A note- I've read most of the Star Wars books over the years, new & old, recently including Master & Apprentice. I was fascinated by the description of Rael Aveross as having a "heavy Outer Rim accent", and imagined different flavors of it- to me, the Outer Rim sounds like Shmi (swedish actress) or Jango (new zealand drawl) etc etc....

Only, this week at work I finally listened to Dooku: Jedi Lost, and discovered that Rael fucking Aveross is a Texas hoss wrangler.

Being from the South myself, I already despise badly done southern accents, and his was perhaps the worst I have ever heard. I will never recover.

[thesnowciphercomedyhour]

ohh. I like everything to do with Palpatine's Senate appearance. very fitting for a man who is himself the Senate.

first off that this is his first Clone Wars style appearance post stupid lightning deflection. yeah I guess he's shown up in his cloaked Darth Sidious look during the Clone Wars proper, and there's also his appearance in Rebels kinda. but here the setup is impeccable. first the faraway shot to build suspense. is that the man himself? is it just Mas Amedda? hard to tell with the dark cloak. but it is indeed him. the powerhouse behind this while imperial machinery. there's no doubt about it, and even if there was? he slowly looks up and you see his scarred visage

I see him and think about how Coruscant still sees him as former-Chancellor Palpatine, this sweet old man who Loves Democracy. anyways he and Amedda disavow Rampart, who they are totally not on cahoots with. but here's the swing. here's the move.

this is now in fact a smear campaign on the clones that worked with Rampart and by extension all clones period. but Palpatine dresses it up so politely. the clones' devastating obedience gives him pause, he says. it is his opinion that that stormtroopers are the future, he says.

we of course already know he's lying and advancing his plans, even if you've never seen Star Wars anything in your life except for Bad Batch. but you can tell that this man is a practiced, professional, veteran liar. a genius in the field of lying, even. maybe the powerful menacing tone of voice gives away his strength of intent, but the Senate probably thinks that's from the Jedi cooking his larynx alive.

jump to the next scene and Rex is like Goddammit, he got us again. I can't believe he got us again.

I'm just very fond of seeing Palpatine's silver tongue again. idunno if this is the most ingenious political gambit ever, but it's a far sight from him just recycling meme lines in Rise of Skywalker. I forget sometimes that he's not just a cackling lightning wizard on a throne somewhere. arguably, his real strength has nothing to do with the Force or anything. he's just completely committed to the bit and that's what I love about this horrible old ghoul.

[revenge-of-the-shit]

Do you think Palpatine was the type of leader that would order executions for teens making fun of his first name being Sheev or do you think that sort of thing was so far beneath his notice that he straight up didn't know about it

[menaceborn]

brutus by the buttress is so ayru-core

[zeawesomebirdie]

Omg okay, but yknow how Sheev only ever goes by Palpatine from the age of like, 16 or something? What if Hego is the only one allowed to call him Sheev. What if, what if their versions of pet names are using each other's first names, because they're the only ones who wouldn't die from doing so

[sp0okerman]

I also feel like Palpatine has a cat…y’know? The cat probably hates Vader and tries to scratch him, but Vader just has to deal with it because he can’t hurt Palpatine’s precious little baby mwahaha

(…Palpatine probably taught his cat to attack Vader •_•)

[twinterrors29]

the specific Naboo religious sect that Padme belonged to believed very strongly in reincarnation

so the first time Darth Vader is introduced to Princess Leia of Alderaan once her father finally relents and allows her to take over his position in the Senate, when he takes note of her resemblance and looks up her birth date, his first thought is not "Padme's daughter survived"

it's "Padme reincarnated as the Princess of Alderaan"

he finds this conclusion fitting, and of course immediately pledges his loyalty to her

Leia doesn't know what this menace to society's deal is, and honestly doesn't care, and decides to use this to her advantage by telling her father

Bail, of course, is biting his nails thinking that Vader has figured them out, but thankfully no

this is about the time that Sabe and her fellow handmaidens show up, so Vader introduces them to Leia and they all naturally reach the same conclusion

when Ben distantly senses the disturbance in the Force and drags the whole Lars family off to come investigate, Darth "Anakin Is Dead" Vader takes one look at young Luke and doesn't even try to ask about his birth date (or, conveniently, his last name) before assigning him as "Anakin Skywalker Reincarnated"

Ben, hidden in the next room with Bail, is face-palming as hard as possible to try to distract himself from that particular shit show

and now that 'Padme' and 'Anakin' are in the same room, Vader of course tries to ship them, with Sabe's passive support

Bail, sweating: maybe,,, we should not encourage that,,,

Vader: Why.

Bail, full of hypocritical shit: uh,,, he's not suitable, for the future Queen of Alderaan

which only serves to offend Vader, because what, Baby Me isn't good enough for Baby My Wife now?

so Bail throws in a faked relationship with a certain spice freighter captain he hired on the spot to fill the role of his daughter's secret boyfriend

before Vader can get upset about Baby Padme dating someone who isn't Baby Anakin, Sabe eyeballs this dude with no official birth records and asks, what DID happen to Kenobi? or maybe that Captain Rex fellow from the war?

causing Bail to nearly stroke out, as he KNOWS that neither of those men are even dead, and in fact one of them is choking on his spit in the other room as he listens in!

(this fake-dating effort additionally backfires, not that anyone realizes it yet, because both twins start actually dating this scruffy-looking nerf-herder)

of course Vader immediately questions why Sabe suggested that Captain Solo might be Kenobi, and got hit with Sabe's "well, Skywalker was always psychosexually fixate on Kenobi, and all of us knew he was the hot one even if Padme settled for Skywalker"

Vader: ...What. Was that thing you said. About Skywalker.

Sabe: yeah, Skywalker literally couldn't shut up about the guy, even while he was having sex with his wife, luckily she was into that if you know what I mean

Vader: ...

Vader: no, that is the perfectly normal level of interest to have in Kenobi

Sabe, remembering the way Darksiders always seemed to fixate on Kenobi: ...uh-huh, riiiight

Vader decides he's Not Dealing With That, and pours that energy into his fixation on Finding Kenobi in order to kill him about it

Ben, one too-thin wall away, is seriously considering letting that happen so he doesn't have to hear any more of this

but, of course, eventually Sidious notices Vader's interest in the young Senator Organa

and Sheev Palpatine was, interestingly enough, from the same sect as Padme

which means that he quickly puts together what Vader has concluded about Leia as a reincarnation of Padme Amidala

but unlike Sabe (and Vader, who has seriously deluded himself), he is keenly aware that Anakin Skywalker can't have actually reincarnated into that farm boy who's spending all his time with the Senator now

so he's able to (correctly, for once) conclude that Luke must be Anakin and Padme's kid, who somehow survived all these years

and since the child survived...

well, he starts to eye Sabe a little more closely, and wonder how he can fit this into his plans for the galaxy...

[dalekofchaos]

Context

Hux. Short version, Hux reveals Kylo killing Snoke to the FIrst Order leadership. Hux ousts Ben and becomes Supreme Leader. Now Hux plans to exterminate The Jedi, force sensitives everywhere and lead to the death of the force. Long version read here.

Kylo as the villain. Adam Driver said the plan was never to redeem Ben Solo, that was a late change to appease everyone. So my big pitch for Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. To me Kylo Ren is what Vader could’ve been had he reached his full potential. A Vader who was never wounded on Mustafar, a Vader who killed a close family member and his master. He is the villain they were looking for, but no they had to course correct.As for what his motivation could be, exactly what he said. Finish what Vader started. Destroy the Light and reign over the galaxy as Supreme Leader. Long version. Other look at Kylo as the villain

Snoke's essence transferred into Kylo Ren the moment he killed Snoke.

Darth Plagueis was a powerful Sith Lord who could influence the midichlorians to create life and also save others from dying. He taught everything he knew to his apprentice, Sheev Palpatine (aka Darth Sidious), but he eventually lost his power and young Palpatine killed him in his sleep. How could Plagueis not foresee his own demise at the hands of his ambitious apprentice? Why did Plagueis suddenly “lose his power”? The truth is, he didn’t lose his power and he knew Sidious planned to kill him. It was part of the plan. By dying, I believe Darth Plagueis was able to transmit himself into Sheev and assume control of his body, almost like an infectious disease. Ever notice his name? Darth Plagueis. Plague, as in an infectious disease. Darth Plagueis unlocked the secret to immortality by moving from one body to the next, continuing his lifespan through multiple hosts over countless years. Ever wonder why Palpatine was so obsessed with training a powerful young apprentice? Surely he knew that one day the apprentice would want to overthrow him, so why train his own murderer? In Return of the Jedi, Emperor Palpatine continually provokes Luke to strike him down. Why would Palpatine want to be killed if the goal is longevity? Because Emperor Palpatine was assumed by Darth Plagueis and, through his death, he would then be able to transmit himself into a new host body. He wasn’t just looking for an apprentice, he was looking for a new body since Palpatine’s body was growing old. Luke Skywalker was meant to be the next host body for Darth Plagueis. But unfortunately for Plagueis, Darth Vader had a change of heart and defeated the Emperor. Snoke was Plagueis. It’s the only way to make things work. StarWars.com describes Snoke as a seeker of arcane and ancient lore, and the Last Jedi Visual Dictionary shows that he is a collector of rare memorabilia. At some point, Snoke must have found the wreckage of the Death Star on the forest moon Endor, and was infected by Darth Plagueis when he came upon the corpse of Palpatine. Did you ever wonder why Snoke thought it was so important to complete Kylo Ren’s training? It’s because Snoke was Darth Plagueis and he was training his next host body. Plagueis didn’t have a choice but to infect a really old political influencer like Snoke. Kylo was being groomed to become the next host body. Remember the infamous scene in The Last Jedi where Snoke is “predicting” how Kylo Ren will kill Rey? Wasn’t it a little too obvious? Wouldn’t Snoke have been able to foresee Kylo’s treachery? See through his conflict? It’s because he wasn’t predicting Rey’s death, he predicted his own. He knew Kylo would kill him. He deliberately bullied and provoked Kylo in order to stir his anger into hatred to further fuel his dark side and lead him to completing his training.

So Darth Plagueis goal would be to transfer his essence into Rey and in failing in that. He will drain the life force from the Dyad to satiate his own life force.

Thrawn. Cardinal West's Sequel Trilogy rewrite has the best take of Thrawn as the villain

Rae Sloane.

Rae Sloane founded The First Order! Sloane was loyal to the Empire, so much so, rather than allowing it to cease to exist, she recruited other loyalists and they fled to the Unknown Territories beyond Jakku. She founded the First Order. Together with Hux, she could usurp control of the First Order and become Supreme Leader, which would start a civil war, those loyal to Sloane and those loyal to Kylo. We can have someone who could be a great antagonist to Leia. The founder of The First Order and the mother of the Resistance. What makes Rae a compelling character is the fact that she believes what the Empire is doing is right. In her eyes, the Empire is doing the right thing, purging lawlessness from a galaxy overrun by bureaucrats that care little for the common people. She’s wrong, but like great villains before her, audiences can see where she’s coming from even if they don’t agree with it. Throughout her many appearances in the supplemental Star Wars narratives, she is constantly pushing for the Empire to be “just.” When things start to fall apart after the Battle of Endor, Rae struggles to keep the remnants of the fleet playing by the unspoken rules of warfare and is frustrated to see the Empire careen into backstabbing and incompetence. You can see Rae’s influence in the First Order with its strict hierarchy and minute by-the-books stringency that makes Palpatine’s Empire look positively laissez-faire by comparison. Supreme Leader Rae Sloane would make The First Order a force to be reckoned with and what better way to end it than with the First Order’s founder?

The Grysks.

The Grysks were introduced in the new canon novel Thrawn:Alliances. They are what brings Thrawn to the Empire in hopes of co-existing to fight this threat in the Unknown Regions. Grysks are a species living somewhere in the Unknown Regions. Creatures half of myth, whom few have ever seen. It is said that they are nomads, with no fixed home, traveling in spacecraft so numerous they blot out the stars. They are said to be terrifying warriors, overwhelming their opponents by sheer numbers and ferocity. The fact that these intergalactic conquerors are not the main threat in the Sequel Trilogy is baffling. You could’ve had Ben Solo sense they were coming during his Jedi days and made the ultimate sacrifice to become Kylo Ren and join The First Order because he knew the New Republic was not ready to face such a threat. It wouldn’t make what he was doing the entire trilogy right, but it would make explain why he turned and what his motivations are.

I don't really have a explanation for Qi'Ra, but she was trained by Maul, took over the Crimson Dawn and you don't waste Emilia Clarke on one movie that never continued. So Qi'Ra as the villain could've worked.

A Mandalorian invasion lead by Fett writes itself.

I know it's technically Palpatine, but it works better because we don't stupidly retcon Anakin's sacrifice. This was planned, but the idiots that be decided it would be better if Ian played him. So instead this is the perfected clone. The Clone Wars were a test for Palpatine to perfect cloning. Throughout the reign as Emperor, he tinkered with cloning force sensitives, created a lot of failures(Snoke) but prior to Endor, he perfected it and kept it as a fail safe should he die. And after Kylo Ren killed Snoke, he awakened. Palpatine reborn. The movie opens at the end of the war. Finn successfully consurs up a Stormtrooper Rebellion and all the FO officers are executed, Hux is captured and Rey beats Kylo Ren for the umpteenth time. The First Order are on their last legs. Until a message is delivered to the galaxy.

“People of the galaxy. Your Emperor has returned after thirty long, lawless years. To the Sith and the Jedi; follow the Holocrons. We have much work to do. Those who remained loyal to me shall be rewarded. For those who relished in my demise, who celebrated what they thought the end of the Empire and believed their treachery had won them the galaxy…only death and suffering await. The great error shall be corrected. The day of victory is at hand. The restoration of the Empire! The Final Order! The Day of the Sith!”

And it's a race. Rey and the Resistance hoping to stop The Emperor, while Kylo Ren is hoping to kill Palpatine, obtain the power of the Sith Eternal and an infinite fleet that will win the galaxy, but in the end, Rey and Kylo are forced to work together. Matt Smith as Palpatine could've fixed the movie

The final contingency of the Emperor. Cloning Luke Skywalker. Palpatine had foreseen either Luke will kill him and Vader or Vader will betray him. So Palpatine orders that Luke's hand be brought to him. Luke is cloned, but imperfectly. He is just a husk of power, so Palpatine has the greatest minds of the Empire indoctrinate this malleable clone to being the heir and the eventual savior of the Empire. This clone. Let's refer to him as Luuke. Luuke learned everything there was from Palpatine. His Machiavellian cunning mechanisms. Mastery over the dark side and fully believed in his master's will and plans for him.

Luuke foresaw that there would be problems if he revealed himself. SO he created a puppet, Snoke. Through Snoke, he turned Kylo Ren to the dark side and puppeteered The First Order. Masterminding everything from the shadows and after Snoke and the real Luke Skywalker's deaths, it was time to reveal himself.

Luuke's motivations are to bring Kylo Ren to heel or cast him aside, turn Rey to the dark side or kill her and rule the galaxy as his master intended for him. This dark side Luke would unite both Rey and Ben against him and would give Mark Hamill the opportunity to play a dark side Luke Skywalker.

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

I think mononyms are an easily overlooked part of SW. Yoda (and Yaddle), Dooku, Palpatine (kinda, because Sheev never appears in the movies, although it's his official first name), Maul, Talzin, Sidious, Vader, Tyranus and all the Sith names in general, and the Clones' names. I feel like they greatly contribute to the mythological atmosphere. Nothing says 'this is a character filling in a specific role' to a western audience like an mononym or a title in lieu of a two-part name. We tend to very deeply associate two-part names with personhood, since they're what we need to exist as individuals within our own society, so anything else is gives off an impression of fictionality to us.

It also bears pointing out that many of these mononym-having character have a title in lieu of the expected first name: Master Yoda, Count Dooku, Mother Talzin, Chancellor Palpatine, Captain Rex and Commander Cody and the other Captains and Commanders, all the Darth Sith Lords, etc. Which, imo, only further stresses how they are roles within a story before anything else, which again makes the story so much more like a greek play or a fairy tale. They're earmaked as servants of the narrative by the storytelling conventions of the western canon, rather than being protagonists within it.

[tennessoui]

honestly my hc for when Anakin uses a fake name is he picks the name of someone he loves (Kitster, Sheev, Obi-Wan, etc), and then he goes with like a different last name from someone else he loves, (Whitesun, Tano, Kenobi, Naberrie, etc)

anakin put on the spot: oh um shit yeah um my name is um sheev....kenobi

employee who asked for his name to put on his star wars starbucks coffee cup: ok

anakin now thinking about his ancient old buddy sheev marrying his best most handsomest buddy obi-wan: um actually can i get a do over

employee: on your drink order?

anakin: umm on my name

employee:

anakin, sweating and now picturing sheev and obi-wan's passionate yet tender wedding night: please

employee:

anakin:

obi-wan, standing next to him holding a cup with 'ben :) ' on it, picking up every thought in anakin's head because his shields are down and he is projecting into the force: please can he have a do-over.

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[hegodamask]

Got so caught up in Andor crumbs I almost missed this.

Palpatine naming a class of ship (specifically his own private yacht) after his Dad.

Say what you want about Sheev, the lad’s got a sense of humour.

[squad-724]

Finally a dragon Anakin I’m happy with.

He’s like Siamese cats, that darken with time, mostly on the face and limbs

He’s a desert dragon, his egg stolen from Shmi, hatched during the transport to Nabooian Kingdom. Qui Gon, one of the dragons pulling the caravan, immediately started taking care of him, until Crimson, then Chancellor’s dragon, killed him. After the incident the humans thought the hatchling will be lost, until the adolescent Obi-Wan, Qui Gon’s ward, began taking care of Ani.

At 9 Chancellor took interest in the young dragon, tricking him into sharing his real name and thus being forced to do Sheev’s bidding. For the next ten years he had been isolated from other dragons and kept in the castle, not trusting any human and refusing to break. Only a full beskar harness and Palpatine’s words can make him do what he’s told

His claws had been cut too short (to not damage the castle’s floor) and is sleeping most of the time he’s not working. Anakin’s a real gem at parties, when drugged and restrained he can’t hurt any guests.

Many men have been injuried while in vicinity of the wild beast. Only when the Red Guard, lead by commander Fox, second prince of the Mandalore, arrived, some progress had been made

[gffa]

This is the most bare-bones recap you could do of “What the fuck is Crimson Dawn?” and it still takes up a page and a half of comics!  It doesn’t even mention Maul’s name!  To be fair, the people recounting this don’t know Maul’s name, so this works narratively, but what gets me is that I really do enjoy how Star Wars is structured, especially with how it’s this giant cascade of dominoes. Think about how complicated all of this is! - Maul is given to Sidious by Mother Talzin, he’s raised as a Sith apprentice - Maul is defeated by Obi-Wan Kenobi, becoming obsessed with revenge on him while living on a garbage planet as a half-Zabrak, half-spider person - Mother Talzin creates a new Sith apprentice for Dooku after Sidious forced him to kill Ventress (not that that worked and now Ventress wants revenge, so she went to Mother Talzin), which is eventually a wash. - Savage goes back to Mother Talzin and she sends him on a quest to bring back her son Maul, where she cures Maul’s madness and gives him more Zabrak-style legs, and they go try to kill Obi-Wan and fail at it again. - They float around in a dead ship until rescued by Death Watch, whom they ally with to create a Shadow Collective, in a bid to appear as villains for Mandalore to fight, so Death Watch can swoop in as heroes and win the people’s support to depose Duchess Satine Kryze. - Basically, two Force-sensitives (and honestly Maul could have probably done it himself) were enough to force the Pykes and Black Sun to agree to work with them, even though neither group wanted to. - They also tried to force the Hutts to join, but they refused, so Maul killed Oruba the Hutt (the only one in person at the meeting instead of on holo) and then go to Tatooine to kill Jabba, who decides, okay, he’ll join the Shadow Collective after all. - The plan on Mandalore is put in place, the Shadow Collective attacks Mandalore, Death Watch looks like heroes, Pre Vizsla is the puppet master of the Prime Minister they install, Death Watch tries to betray Maul and Savage, but they’re like, dipshit, we’re Sith Lords and fight their way to Pre’s throne room.  Maul challenges him to a fight, Maul wins, Bo-Katan Kryze (who was part of Death Watch up to this point) refuses to let a non-Mandalorian rule Mandalore (since Maul has taken up the Darksaber that Pre had and leads Death Watch and thus Mandalore now) and leaves. - Sheev Palpatine/Darth Sidious decides Maul’s become enough of a thorn in his side to deal with this, goes to Mandalore, kills Savage, puts Maul in prison and dusts off his hands like no big deal. - Maul is rescued by members of Death Watch and the puppet prime minister who are loyal to him, wins back the Darksaber, returns to Mandalore, sets up another trap to try to lure Obi-Wan there, gets Ahsoka instead (along with a whole lot of Republic troops, because Bo-Katan asked for a Republic intervention, by way of having Ahsoka ask for it), they battle it out and are relatively evenly matched, but he eventually loses.  This is the Siege of Mandalore, which puts the Republic there riiiiiiight as the Republic is turning into the Empire. - So everything goes pear-shaped in the galaxy, as the Jedi genocide is enacted, chaos erupts everywhere.  When the clones attack Ahsoka because of Order 66, she frees Maul to cause chaos and he destroys the core of the engines, forcing the ship down, but he himself escapes. - Maul regroups again and takes over Crimson Dawn, but uses Dryden Vos as a figurehead.  Vos has an assistant named Qi’ra, who is the first love of Han Solo, and when he crashes back into her life, things go pear-shaped again, resulting in a big adventure that ends with Dryden Vos’ death and Qi’ra stepping up to take his place as Maul’s new figurehead. - Qi’ra learns much about the Sith from Maul and, after his death, she takes over Crimson Dawn for real and begins to plot how to take down the Sith Lord Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine. As much ridiculous bullshit as Star Wars often is, I love that they genuinely have a galaxy that is connected together, that one plot ripples out in these surprisingly massive waves.  You don’t get to any one point on this timeline without the other points happening first, just like you don’t get to the OT without the events of the prequels happening first, you don’t get the Empire without the Republic and the Separatists both. In many ways, Star Wars is separated into periods of time, the films still largely define different eras, but there is a throughline with so much of it, the political timeline spans decades in this universe, you can follow the trail all the way back to The Phantom Menace and even earlier.  Yeah, Star Wars is often silly bullshit, but I appreciate the dedication to showing that ramifications happen when major political and criminal upheavals happen!

[nonhumanhottie]

Rebels season 4 rewatch

Famly reunion - and farewell

oh i am about to get fucked up i know it

Hera listening to Ezra talking to his parents and being proud of her boy

Pryce being absolutely disgusted by Kallus's defection is so iconic

Ezra whistling for his pet wolf to eat up Pryce lmao

ugh Ezra already has hos backup plan ready

Look at Kallus in his little imperial desguise and neat hair

Hondo is perfect please please let him be in the ahsoka show

Thrawn really called Pryce a dumb bitch lmao

Ryder's fucking Yularen accent I'm screaming

Thrawn really thinks he's doing something by waxing poetic to a teenager

Hera can't lose Ezra too oh my god she'll do anything to protect him

Sabine letting Ezra go!!

The old temple guard mask in Thrawn's office... that Kanan also wore when he was blinded... interesting

It's clever of Palps to know Ezra is too young to know what he used to look like

Mart confirming Ezra's vision--ezra is such a brave boy!

Love how Kallus is still strictly on last name basis with the gang

Again Rebels incoperation of Palps just blows the rise of skywalker out of the water lmaooo

for real though how did they move the temple

Mira calling Ezra the way Beru does to Luke messes me up

Zeb is truly an agent of chaos--so much so that it even makes Gregor shook

Ezra breaks my fucking heart he is so strong and so loving what a hero

the hologram of palps flashing from Sheev to the emperor ugh inspired iconic

the way the specres aren't afraid to talk mad shit to thrawn lmao

Hondo is such a softie i live for him

Gregor getting to fight for a cause he chose!! shut up!

Pellaeon!! Purrgil!! Oh baby!!

literally cannot stop grinning

the many arms the cold embrace oh thrawn you are fucked

I wonder if Ezra and Thrawn became besties in their many years together

ezra noooo you brave boy Hera is absolutely aghast

god Ezra i can't wait to see you again

i do like how this shows the empire doesn't take back lothal and their resolve is already cracking it lays a nice path for what we see in the original trilogy

okay but Mart trying to see behind Kallus and Zeb made me laugh

Lothal looks like the emerald city lmao

'the emperor's rein of terror came to an end' oh bitch oh bITCH

the homoerotic act of bringing your former enemy and now bestie to your new homeworld

Jacen fuck the haters I love your hair and I like to imagine he, poe dameron and ben solo were all besties who argued which parent was the best pilot

oh you btiches i cannot wait to see you in he Ahsoka show

this is the best star wars media and you cannot convince me otherwise