#and honestly I'm not even sure that NEIL wanted Andrew to think it was about Riko.

[quiescentdestiny]

contemplating the conversation Neil and Andrew (and Renee) have in the locker room at the beginning of The King's Men.

"I've never understood why he likes knives" Such simple words should not have gotten the reaction they did. Andrew went still and looked up, but he didn't look at Neil. He looked at Renee, so Neil did too. She'd stopped mid-sentence to stare at Neil, but the Renee studying him wasn't the Foxes redeemed optimist. Her sweet smile was gone and the too-blank look on her face reminded Neil of Andrew. Neil instinctively tensed for flight-or-flight. Before his body figured out what to do, Renee shifted her inscrutable gaze to Andrew. They stared each other down, soundless and still, oblivious to the bewildered looks their teammates sent between them. (pg. 34)

And comparing it to Son Nefes (Extra Content)

"You could have chosen a weapon you were more comfortable with," Renee said. "It made sense at the time to pick it up," Andrew said with an expansive shrug. "He liked knives, and I like beating people at their own game."

and

"Do you know why I learned to fight with knives?" Renee asked. [..........]"He was older than me, and bigger than me, and stronger than me, so I had to find a way to fight him. He liked knives," she said, and Andrew flicked her a quick look she couldn't decipher, "so I decided to use them against him. I wanted to beat him at his own game, too."

ANYWAYS. I just thought I'd put all that in one single place because :))))

Especially since in TRK, when Neil and Renee talk, she says "But if you are as like us as we first predicted you to be, perhaps one day you can also come to see me as a friend."

Also the general fact that, there is a certain sense of... interest to me, I guess in the fact that Neil was purposely vague in hopes that everyone in the room would think he was speaking of Riko, when really he was talking about his father, who's his own monster from his past, and comparably made the two of them think of their own. Renee confirms this later to him(when she offers to teach him to wield knives), and Neil actually wonders about Andrew in that conversation as well.

[joanofexys]

you said you were thinking about Florian a lot so please tell me your thoughts about Florian <3

Florian!!! Okay his relationships have been rotating around in my brain so much lately

I meantioned in another post that Florian falls in love so easily, he's just a tiny bit in love with everyone, and it will not leave me alone. so warning for cringe oc x canon posting ig

Florian and Jean and Florian and Kevin are the biggest ones for me at the moment but other dynamics that have given me brainrot include Flor and Neil, Flor and Andrew, and Flor and Jeremy

Florian has a level of love for Jean that is so impossible to erase that it is forever etched onto his heart (Jean's handwriting is tattooed on the left side of his chest). They're so unbelievably tender. Gentle with each other when no one else had been. They're barely there touches and kisses when no one was watching and silent "I love you"s they could never choke out out of fear of being heard.

that love doesn't go away after the nest. Flor does not move on. He is so terrible at it. And he is still head over heels in love with Jean.

It becomes meetings in empty hallways before games, gentle kisses, and words Florian can finally get past his lips. He knows things will never be the same between him and Jean. But they're still soft as they've always been. Flor still cups Jean's face in his hands. This time with tears in his eyes. "I know it's what you deserve, but I don't know if I can let you go."

That's in part where the Flor and Jeremy brainrot comes in. He's so good for the both of them tbh. But focusing on just him and Florian they have an incredibly interesting dynamic. Jeremy doesn't have the privilege of already knowing Flor. He gets all the attitude and anger and apathy. He has to earn Flor's sweetness. But he does. Idk I just think they're neat.

Florian and Kevin are so, very different. They're hotel rooms and bruising kisses and neverending heartbreak. Flor will never get what he wants from Kevin. He knows Kevin loves him, it's not in the way he wants. But he'll take what he can get. The bridge of Free Now is so them. They share so much of their pain. Florian feels that they understand each other in a way that no one else ever will due to their injuries. And Flor is bitter in a lot of ways but that will always get shoved aside the second he's actually with Kevin. And for a fun little addition: Kevin's handwriting is tattooed on Flor's collarbone

Flor and Neil also fall into none of those. Not as soft as Florian and Jean, with none of the past and heartache of Flor and Kevin. They click in a way I wasn't expecting when I made Florian's character. Neil's handwriting is tattooed on Florian's ribs. Which is actually the first tattoo I knew Flor had and inspired the idea of him getting tattoos in the handwriting of the people he loves most. They exist together very naturally. Matching snark, but delivered with a fondness that lets the other know they could never mean it. I'm not sure if they're platonic or romantic or what but they're sure in each other's lives for forever.

Andrew is someone Florian defers to easily. He's steady, as he is for so many people, and once Flor has even a bit of his trust he doesn't hesitate to lean on him. It's a hand tangled in Florian's hair when he's had a couple drinks and needs Andrew to ground him, or yanking on the back of Flor's shirt to keep him from walking away even when he thinks the conversation is over. He's not one of the monsters. But he's Andrew's. They have their fair share in common but have come to deal with it completely differently. Yet it still manages to give them common ground. There are things, mostly triggers, that only Andrew really gets. Moments where Andrew can be the only one sitting on the couch waiting for Flor to steady his breathing, to look up and meet his eyes and say his name. Voice cracking over two syllables. I'm ngl Florian and Andrew honestly compete with Flor and Jean on what dynamic drives me more insane. And it makes me so mad cause I can't word any of it properly

I hope you enjoy me talking abt oc x canon cause it's scary and embarrassing and i'm gonna pretend i didn't say any of this

[fandoms-rants]

Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten & Andriel Quotes Part 2:

(Quotes that remind me of (and/or I think they would say in canon or fanfics which I hope someone will write) Andrew, Neil or both of them and/or therir relationship)

“He’s everything she ever wanted. And that’s scares the living shit out of her.” (Andrew about Neil)

“You are the finest, Loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known-and even that is an understatement.” (Neil to Andrew)

"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain." (Neil to Andrew)

“and eventually you realize that real Love comes down to feeling safe enough to be vulnerable.” (Andrew)

"I crave so much more than just a physical connection. I crave words and depth. I crave who you are and where you came from, your desires and fears. I yearn to know every inch of you beyond the surface." (Andriel)

“She wasn't sure which scared her more, the fact that he wanted to explore her depths and understand her... or the fact she was willing to let him.” (Andrew about Neil)

“Sorry I’m late. I got here as soon as I wanted to.” (Andrew)

“Me, weird? Bitch, I’m limited addition.” (Andrew Always to Anyone)

“So you’re the bitch, that told the bitch, that I’m a bitch. Well listen bitch, it takes a bitch to know a bitch.” (Andrew to Allison**)

“A friend is someone who listens to your bullshit. tells you that it is bullshit and listens some more.” (Andrew about Renee)

“my type of goth is greek goddess persephone goth: all about flowers and spring and the sun with a deep, intimate love for necromancy and death and ready to punch a man at a moments notice.” (Neil about Andrew)

“You are either on my side, by my side, or in my fucking way. Choose wisely.” (Andriel to Everyone Else)

“You want to be on my level? Climb, bitch.” (Andrew to Aaron**)

To love without condition. To talk without intention. To give without reason. To care without expectation. The Spirit of True Love. (Andriel)

“Payback is a bad bitch. And baby, I'm the baddest. (Andrew to the Foxes(Neil **facepalms fondly**))

“Most people barely know themselves. So what does it matter what they think of you?” (Andrew to Neil)

“Act my age? What the fuck is that, "act my age" What do I care how old I am? The Ocean is old as fuck. It will still drown your ass with vigor." (Andrew post-canon, post-ext retirement)

“"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” (Andriel to Everyone)

“He ran his hands over my past, lingering over the dents and worn edges of my heart. And when I thought he'd run away like the others had... he told me I was a warrior, and that I'd never fight another battle alone.” (Neil about Andrew and quite honestly Andrew about Neil too)

“When you find someone who can make you laugh. Smile. Grow. Lust. Want. Crave. Feel. Make you mad but happy. Keep that. That's euphoria.” (Neil about Andrew)

“"I still hold onto a small, childish hope that there's someone out there in this crazy, wild world so completely, utterly meant for me even the stars will sigh, at last! in relief at our meeting." (Andrew **reluctantly** pre-canon)

"It's impossible,"said pride. "It's risky,"said experience. “It’s pointless,”said reason. "Give it a try." whispered the heart." (Andrew about Neil)

“The most beautiful part to loving a guarded girl is this: when she lets you in, it's not because she needs you. She stopped needing people a long time ago. It's because she wants you, and that is the purest love of all.” (Neil about Andrew)

When your eyes met mine, my soul pointed at you and whispered to my heart, "Him.." (Andrew about Neil, when Neil looked up at him after Andrew took his breath away during their first meeting;)

“When a flower doesn't bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” (Andrew)

“The most beautiful part is, I wasn't even looking when I found you.” (Neil to Andrew)

“Don't put me in a position where i gotta show you how cold my heart can get.” (Andrew)

**Fyi I don’t like Allison and don’t think her and Andrew will ever get along as anything more than mild antagonist acquaintances who’s significant others are the friend of the other.**

**I don’t like Aaron either but much like Neil I tolerate him for Andrew’s sake. And yes I’m aware they are both 5’ tall.**

*WARNING: About copyright, Quotes come from various places(ie. FanFiction, Tv, Movies, Music, Pinterest) so use in your own fanfic stories at your own.. I can’t think of the word but you know what I mean.*

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Hi, so this is the angel!Jean anon from the other day, back to bother you again because I continue to have Thoughts about Jean as Kevin's guardian angel.

Narratively speaking, there are three beats where it makes sense for angel!Jean to have died. The time he tried to kill himself, when Kevin interfered; when he was covering Kevin's escape; and when Kengo died. As far as angel!Jean is concerned, I think the second one is the most satisfying, because like.

Jean died protecting Kevin, and now he's spending his afterlife... protecting Kevin? I need it to be that way, because I desperately need someone to look at him and say, "Dude, that's fucked up actually."

Except who would do it? Who would be able to look at Jean's situation and realize it's very fucked up actually?

Not Neil. As far as Neil is concerned, that's exactly the sort of thing that happens when you love someone, that's why he isn't supposed to do it.

Not Andrew. Andrew would absolutely die for his brother and then stick around to guard him after he dies. He would never in a million years admit this, and he'd probably bitch that Aaron would somehow misinterpret it as him being a controlling asshole, but he would 100% do it.

Not Kevin, I don't think. Kevin has absolutely no idea how normal people interact. And also, Kevin has absorbed enough messaging about him being more important than Jean that... I don't think he'd agree with that, if asked, but I definitely think it affects his intuition to the point where he wouldn't be able to realize how fucked up it is that Jean not only got stuck as his guardian angel, but thinks that's pretty cool actually.

I think the answer might be Aaron. I think Aaron is capable of looking at that situation and saying, "Dude, that's fucked up actually." Not sure how one would get Aaron to the point of being involved in that conversation, but I think he's capable of making the observation. And then staring around with that why am I the only normal person here look that Aaron has sometimes. (Not to allege that Aaron is a normal person. But he absolutely thinks he is.)

And while I was typing this up, I had an even worse thought about angel!Jean, that I need to roll around for a while, so I am likely to pester you again. (Unless you'd rather I didn't? Genuinely hope I'm not annoying you with these.)

Hi babe I'm glad you're back!

Oh god, the fact that there are three options for Jean's death... FUCK ME UP ANON.

Dying for Kevin then being trapped in effectively LIMBO to continue to keep Kevin alive. And now he can't even talk to him?! That is so flavorful man.

(We have to assume Jean would do a much better job at staying secret than Neil did. This assumption is based entirely on irony. In that Neil hid for his entire life but straight up introduced himself to Andrew after a couple of months because he was tired of being alone. I know the AU started off really abruptly so we don't really Get That, but it's what happened.)

But just Jean having to watch Kevin practice, to live his life. He finally gets out of the Nest, by being beat to DEATH. And he's still confined to a goddamn exy court most of the time? He wants to move on, from Kevin and from his life. But... He also asked for this. In a way.

If and when I end up writing this, Jean would get a choice. An angel would ask, "Would you watch over the one you love most?"

He thinks she means Elodie. He makes his choice. And suddenly he's sitting beside Kevin Day. It's always Kevin goddamn Day. He feels like he's betrayed his little sister by somehow not loving her enough. But he doesn't know she's already dead. He doesn't know she's not at their home in Marseille. He knows nothing of her horrible fate. And it's for the best honestly.

But it's Kevin. Kevin is who he loved most. Kevin is who he's supposed to protect. Jean is bitter, so fucking bitter. Because he ALREADY DID THIS! He already kept Kevin alive, bought him a way out without realizing it. Paid with his life!

So yeah.

Jean is suddenly sitting beside Kevin in a Raven-issue car, Kevin's left hand is useless in his lap and he's driving with his right. He looks terrified and betrayed and pissed off and in pain and Jean wants nothing more than to beat the shit out of him. He doesn't. He sits quietly and invisibly the entire time, pretending he doesn't see or hear Kevin crying. But it makes his chest hurt and he hates it.

Goddamn it, Jean's body probably isn't even cold yet and he's got to follow Kevin around for the rest of his days? Though, it can't be long. Can it? Kevin's hand is broken. If he can't play, he won't live past-

But he does. And Jean watches him heal, learn to play right-handed, get cozy with some little blond man when Jean didn't have a chance in hell. (He tries to explode Andrew Minyard with his mind but it doesn't work.)

Finally, Jean decides to get out of the dorm and goes upstairs and there's another fucking angel up there?! (Jean is a Raven. As far as he's concerned Kevin is his partner now. He never strays from Kevin.)(So he's never been to the roof. At the Tower he sleeps on the couch, at Nicky's he sleeps beside Kevin in the chair. He keeps watch over Kevin and criticizes his choice in friends loudly, but silently. Because Jean makes sure to keep his status as invisible, secret angel intact.

ANYWAY YES. Neil's mother died trying to keep him alive, ergo dying for someone you love is so normal actually Jean.

Andrew would! Holy shit he would so bad. (Making eyes at him right now... Lol, jk he's gonna be fine.) Andrew is already focused on keeping Aaron (and Nicky and Kevin) safe and alive. Even if he goes about it in bad ways most of the time. He would thrive at being an angel. He would not keep it a secret. He would pretend he never died and just be there like always. (When would they notice he stopped aging in college...?)

Oh God. Kevin... Kevin Day's world view is soooo unbelievably fucked up. But yeah, I think if (and when) he found out what happened to Jean his first thought would be 'holy shit you're dead because of me' and then he would get drunk and tell Jean he wishes he hadn't died but he's glad he's finally away from there. That they both got out. But he's drunk and stupid because Jean didn't get out! He died there, Kevin, how do you not see that? And then angel!Jean would perhaps go back to being invisible to Kevin.

And then he would accidentally befriend Neil. It would take a while, because we know Neil. But eventually they would come to similar conclusions about how they were meant to be partners. And each of them would think about how different things could've been if only Nathaniel had stayed. ("But I wouldn't have met Andrew."/ "But you'd be alive!" / "Tell me honestly, Jean. Was it living? For me it was surviving. I think it was the same for you.")

After a while Jean would finally confront Kevin about how hellish his life was and then it would end up with Jean telling Kevin how much he loved him accidentally and Kevin would be gobsmacked because he didn't know. ("How could you not know?")

ALSO! About Aaron. I don't know how or when or if he'll ever find out about the existence of angels. (I've considered it but I don't know if it'll happen in the main angel!Neil fic.) But yeah, I think he would just be like: "Does anyone think this is normal? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm the one who ignores the shrink, Kevin. You should understand that this is fucked."

ALSO! Fuck man, give me your thoughts! I don't think it's possible to annoy me. (I mean it is, but not with nicey words about my AUs and delicious ideas!)

Thank you so much for the ask, sorry I'm a little late. <3

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

hello. character asks:

2, 4, and 7 for princezam

17 and 30 for one seth gordon. enjoy (:

I AM GOING TO BITE YOU <333 it is Autism Time alright alright okay!!!!!!

PrinceZam!

2) When I think I truly started to like them

Honestly, the exact moment slips me! He got in my head one day and then he Did Not Get Out. I did run back through my discord channel and apparently an hour and a half after starting Zam’s s3 POV I messaged “WHAT IS THIS, THE BULLY ZAM SERVER????” so I think about then! (I had already watched Clown’s POV and thought that Zam was oooo such an asshole oooo for his whole building walls bit and then you watch Zam and he is so wet and pathetic that all of a sudden he did nothing wrong ever) It did not take me long to go ah. Yeah this is The Guy. I’m gonna make a plushie of him and throw it at walls

4) How many people I ship them with

SO many people. SO many fucking people. I think if princezam makes it on a server and doesn’t act like a raging gay then he will crumble to ash and fall apart in the wind. That said I am particularly fond of the idea of clownzam. They’re two guys committed to a bit defined by their usernames (clown) (prince) while also somehow managing to be mortal enemies and homoerotic losers at the same time. Would love to see more out of them

7) A quote of them that you remember

Okay so this one is. Not even going to be remotely serious despite his ability to be gutwrenching and dramatic. There’s a lot of Zam quotes I love and remember (shoutout “YES! YES! YESSSS!! VINDICATION!!!!” my beloved) but there is one in particular. that I cannot escape from. One that frequently comes to mind. Hey guys. Uhm. “YO. LEO. LEO. IF YOU DON’T STOP SWINGING THAT SWORD AT ME RIGHT NOW MAN I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS MAN I’M FUCKIN- I GOT I GOT I GOT LIKE FIFTEEN PEOPLE ON ME I’M NOT CLOWNPIERCE I CAN’T WIN THIS Y’KNOW LIKE I’M GETTING MY ASS BEAT I’VE GOT LIKE EVERYONE ON ME I DON’T KNOW I’M JUST SPAWNING PHANTOMS. I’M JUST TRYING TO SPAWN PHANTOMS. I DON’T SEE THE ISSUE. I PERSONALLY DON’T SEE THE ISSUE. I PERSONALLY DON’T EVEN SEE THE ISSUE I’M JUST TRYING TO SPAWN A COUPLE MOBS LIKE I DON’T EVEN SEE WHAT’S GOING ON—“

^^clip because his voice SELLS that shit. Luv this guy <3

Seth Gordon (the man the myth the legend <333)

17) What do you think their first word was?

For the jokes, I want to say his first word was fuck. His parents didn’t really care much about keeping their language in check, and I see him as one of the middle-younger kids of a big family, so all of his older brothers would be swearing already, and it would rub off on him. For the non jokes….. I think I would say his first word was dada. Give me a daddy’s boy Seth who had his father be his whole world for so many years only to be disappointed in the end that his father was just a man after all. He’s a Fox for a reason

30) The funniest scene they had?

OH MY GOD OKAY SO. Personally I am a fan of every scene he is in, and I think among his funniest are the ones where he drops everything to slug Kevin in the face. That said I think the funniest one is when he straight up hears Kevin's name and drags his ass out of deep sleep so he can fight him. There is NOTHING like a man and his homoerotic enemy who he hates with everything in him. Or maybe his funniest scene is the iconic "are you stupid" "yes" I'm sorry Seth you gotta deal with Neil being an absolute dumbass I'm not sure what else you expected. OR when Neil asked if Andrew and Renee were a thing and Seth looked like he might vomit. Or him flipping off their opponents and then Kevin. OR—[I am forcibly dragged off the stage. He could raise an eyebrow and I would probably find it funny]

[seasy33]

8 & 12!

thanks for asking rory <3

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you've never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

ooooh i have a couple, but the one that haunts my dreams is this one that is also kind of embarrassing lmao but i used to really like this show (that i'm embarrassed to name hahaha) and there's an episode that i thought would make suuuch a good au for andreil. basically the idea is that Andrew is in sort of a drug-induced fugue (like he went on a huge bender), and is really sad and confused because Neil died a few years ago. But the reader isn't sure that's actually true because, as Andrew is sitting in this cafe, he sees a redheaded man acting suspiciously and decides to follow him. they go to this abandoned sea-side bed and breakfast where they learn more about each other (or maybe they knew each other all along) and also they beat up some bad guys (that maybe aren't real) and everything is vague and dreamy and the reader isn't sure (and neither is Andrew) what is real and not real

... as you can see, this idea (though i think it could be sooooo cool if i could pull it off) is really hard because it requires a lot of balance between andrew's perception of reality, the reader's perception of what's happening, and what is actually going on.

lmao i have tried to write it many times and can never get that balance (or the vibes) right. but, man, i want to so fucking bad

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite this year?

well, as you know, i have a weird way of doing my first drafts lol i usually write everything in block-text with no punctuation because i find it really freeing not having to think about making it look good -- i can kind of just focus on the pacing and the actual writing. on my second pass, it helps me line edit because i have to go back and break it all up, line by line, adding all the periods and stuff as i go.

(ooh i also started putting my drafts into a text-to-speech app to find weird wording or missing words that regular spell check didn't pick up on and that's helped too --hearing it all out loud)

honestly, i feel like where i'm at now is working for me fairly well! i think if i were to change anything, i would try to get more feedback/get better at taking feedback and actually implementing it in the final draft. i tend to get stuck on very specific things and i think hearing from an outside perspective could be helpful to get out of my ruts (even if it takes me a long time to internalize any kind of advice lmao)

thanks again for asking :))

[desruc]

Hey! Happy to hear youre enjoying aftg! I could slide you the pdf haha, but i understand if you prefer physical (since I own the physical copies myself xDD)

Hi! Oh yeah, I'm enjoying aftg much, much more than I anticipated :DD I went in it thinking "let's see how it is" and now I'm honestly feeling like Sakavic's style of writing is one of my favorites :'D I don't know what it is that clicks so well, it just feels so different than anything I've read before; it's so effortless but sharp at the same time. Not to be edgy or anything but my mind keeps going back to picturing serrated blades when I'm trying to think how to describe Sakavic's style :'D

And oh,,, the characters... Every character feels unique and I can easily imagine them in front of me; I feel like Sakavic doesn't even spend that much time describing them and I still get different vibes from each of them :D Neil and Andrew are (surprise, surprise) my faves and, regrettably, I found myself drawn to Riko too because I can't help loving sadistic bastards, but I'm also pretty fond of Dan and Matt and I truly wish their relationship will last through the last book, I want them to be happy :o

All that said, yeah, sure, there is room for criticism, too - in all fairness the story is quite unhinged and unrealistic and shit's fucked up - but seriously, I kind of feel like... this story is not meant to be taken too seriously? So all that is all right by me. However, sometimes I felt like I'm totally lost what the characters are talking about (English is not my native language though, so maybe that's the problem), sometimes the time skips forward a lot unexpectedly, and beacuse of that there are scenes with a lot of telling instead of showing - BUT the overall vibe of the first two books is super intriguing and yeah, simply put, so far I like All For the Game a lot!

Lastly, thanks for offering to slide the pdf my way! :'DDD But yep, you guessed it right, I prefer the physical copy - but if it starts to feel like an eternity waiting for it, I might come back to your offer (ˉ ▽ ˉ；)

[altruistic-meme]

twenty questions for fic writers

i got tagged by @irregularcollapse thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3?

currently, I'm at 33 on my main account and another 3 that are under a pseud :)

What’s your total AO3 word count?

166,992 in total!

What fandoms do you write for?

as of right now, i'd say i write for All For The Game, Captive Prince, and Young Royals. i have kind of written a little for Good Omens, but i'm not really counting it bc i'm not sure i'll ever finish it or post it. and i used to write for Yuri!!! On Ice and Hetalia as well, but i don't anymore (and likely never will again).

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

oh man, i was actually kind of surprised about the last two!

the beginnings just another end (Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Yuri!!! On Ice) Victor Nikiforov has friends. He's four time world champion, figure skating god, beloved by most. He's won more medals than he knows what to do with, has more fans than anyone could count, and more money than he could ever possibly spend all of. Only one problem; Victor Nikiforov has no friends. So, he searches for some. And he finds them in a group chat room titled "crazy people talk about figure skating".

(why is there) joy in this poison (Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, All For the Game) Because for as much as Kevin would talk to Andrew about the Ravens, whine about Riko, warn him about Tetsuji, explain to him why he trusted Jean… he had never really mentioned Nathaniel. In a story, once or twice. In passing, perhaps a few times. And Andrew found that he trusted Nathaniel less each and every time he heard the name. Andrew is propositioned at a summer exy banquet, and a deal is proposed.

The Bet (Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, All For the Game) Andrew decides it's finally time to introduce his partner Neil to the Foxes on a summer weekend vacation, but Nicky has a better plan.

running from my heart (Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Yuri!!! On Ice) When Victor arrives the night before the men's short programs at the Grand Prix Final, he's not expecting to run into another skater. Or run into him again. Or again.

Vicchan's Pet Café (Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Yuri!!! On Ice) "It's alright, really. It allowed me to get a closer look at your gorgeous brown eyes." Wow. Wow Victor. Victor Nikiforov, five time Emmy Award winner, actor in countless romances, well-known playboy, just made the most ridiculous pick-up line that could have possibly come from that moment. In which Victor is an actor, Yuuri owns a café, and their dogs just want them to be together.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i try to, but i am incredibly bad at it :') i always want to reply, even if it's something small like just a "<3" or "thanks!" but i often forget to reply for a long time. or at all.

but i always try my absolute best to reply to comments with questions or any that really touch me in some way

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

in general, i do try not to write angsty endings (although i know i've had some ideas for some, just never written the)

however, that said, swaying as the room burned down is still the worst i've written! it does come with the knowledge that things get better, having been written as a missing scene from yr2 which ends better than the fic leaves off, but the fic itself still ends in a pretty sad place.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

honestly? Where There is Love, There is Life. the entire fic was meant to be pure fluff and sweetness. most of my fics have happy endings (when i actually. ended them.) and i do have some other fics that were meant to just be fluff, but i think this one takes the cake.

Do you get hate on fics?

no, i haven't! i've gotten some... sort of mean-spirited comments or comments that come across that way, but i don't think they were really meant as hate so much as the tone fell flat.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have not. yet. i have one WIP that will have smut at some point in it, but that's the only one i have planned and i haven't gotten to that point in writing it yet!

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really. i think i did, a very long time ago, but i can't remember it at all.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, and also i sure hope not.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i'm really aware of, but i think it'd be cool!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

that's tough. it's probably Andreil, though. just everything about their relationship, from beginning to end of the series, is so so good and they've always meant so much to me as characters.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

the beginnings just another end. i really wish i could've finished it sooner. it was my first long fic, and it kept the status as my longest fic for years. i still remember how it was meant to end, too. ultimately, if i ever even write YOI again, i think i'd rather rewrite the entire story than just finish it as is. but i really don't think i'll ever complete it.

What are your writing strengths?

Cliffhangers. Dialogue. Humor, at least in my opinion. Ideas galore.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Consistency. i have terrible memory and will often write something in, planning to make use of it later in the story, and then completely forget about it.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

ouhhhh it depends. my opinion on it has changed from when i was younger. i think it can add to the story, like if it's used because the POV character doesn't know the language, but in general i'd prefer not to do it (especially since i'm monolingual rip ;;;)

First fandom you wrote for?

ahhhhhhh Hetalia

Favorite fic you’ve written?

without a doubt, (why is there) joy in this poison. it means so much to me i cannot even begin to explain it. and even aside from that, the story itself is something i LOVE rereading since it was written to my own tastes, and every time i look back in the story to fact-check myself, i end up getting lost in the story again and again. it also makes me feel so good about my writing, it's such a confidence boost and rereading it helps me realize why people actually like my writing!

i'm going to tag @daylightsimon @zee-has-commitment-issues and @spaghett-onaplate for this if you guys want to <3

[someonelookingpraediti]

Obsidian Moon Crate

Vengeance is Ours September 2023

This September box didn't arrive until almost November. Not a great start. This is my first box from Obsidian Moon Crate, and the theme is "Vengeance is Ours". It was a really expensive box, and then I had to pay international shipping on top, and it honestly wasn't worth it.

These boxes come with a book, a candle, a crystal, and 4-5 items. Yet somehow, it still feels kind of empty.

I wasn't sure what I was getting into with this box, I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's just something about the description that was off-putting? Something about the implied link between the "darker things" and queerness? I don't know, a box that combines witchiness and queer fiction should really appeal to me, so I guess it must just be the way it's worded.

It also bothers me that there are almost zero updates on the website - it's all on Instagram. I really don't subscribe to the social mediafication of everyday life. I don't want to have my life revolve around social media, and follower counts, which is why Tumblr is the only social media I have an account with. So I'd like to be able to find the information about the themes and such on the website.

The featured book for this month is "The Spirit Bares its Teeth" by Andrew Joseph White. The book looks really interesting, and it's a very pretty design. But it's not an exclusive edition, it's just a customised standard edition. The only thing they've added is sprayed edges. Granted, they're gorgeous edges. But I'd have liked an exclusive dust jacket, and if at all possible, decorative endpapers. It's not even signed - it just comes with a signed bookplate.

The candle (there's one in each quarterly box) is an impressive size. It's inspired by "Hell Followed with Us", which is by the same author as the featured book. It's cranberry and cashmere scented, and has a little charm and a wax tooth.

The crystal (also in every box) is an amethyst in the shape of a skull.

The first item is a t-shirt, inspired by "Nevernight". A t-shirt is an amazing item to get, well beyond what I would have expected - but unfortunately the design is a bit... dull. I can't imagine wearing something I didn't choose myself anyway.

The next item is a bath oil. It's inspired by "Carrie", and it's black amber and vanilla musk scented. It sounds lovely, and although I don't have a bath, I'm sure it could be used for something else. However, and this is a biggie, there is no ingredients list. This is a super big no-no for a cosmetic/toiletry product. I can't risk an allergic reaction, and I'm pretty surprised that even a small company would send out a product like this without ingredients.

The next item is an enamel pin. This is based on "Red Rising". It's an okay design, although pretty basic. But it's huge. Why would anyone wear a pin this big?

The last item is a bookmark, based on "The Poppy War". The bookmark isn't very good quality, and the design kind of blends into the background, which wasn't very well thought out.

Honestly, I'm pretty disappointed with this box, overall. Other than the book (and maybe the candle) I'm not going to use any of these items.

The next box has some fandoms I'm interested in - it's got an All for the Game item, based on Andrew and Neil, and also a Raven Cycle item, although I think that one is, weirdly, based on Kavinsky, which is a really odd choice.

So I will get the next box, because I want to give them another chance to impress me, especially with some fandoms I'm into. But I think it's very likely I won't continue with this subscription. It's just not worth the money.

[evenstarfalls]

*deep breath*

All For The Game...Review?

It's been over a week and I feel like I have to say something about it since Tumblr is what pressured me into reading it in the first place and I mean. That really was a series like. I don't even know what to say. I'm still processing everything. It was really bad but I really liked it???

I some of my mutuals <3 have not read it and I cannot it good conscience recommend it but I don't really care about that so. I'd recommend it with the caveat that you should turn your brain off before reading it and also look up the trigger warnings and don't read it if you can't handle that cause!!! There is some deeply disturbing content!!!

WHAT THE SHIT WAS ANY OF THAT LIKE HONESTLY okay now the rest of it I am gonna talk about spoilers so.

I picked up All For The Game expecting it to be a series about an alternate universe in which a ridiculous bullshit sport called exy exists. But honestly. Far more than just exy is unrealistic to the point of an alternate reality. This shit makes no sense. And I DID turn my brain off to read it. I had to. But now I do think about it and it. Doesn't make any sense. Andrew is required to be on drugs?? The Yakuza operates out of a college sports arena??? The Ravens are very clearly and openly some sort of freaky cult but most of the world just doesn't seem to care????

Listen to me. I really enjoyed this series. But now that I'm no longer reading it...I've got a whole skeleton and then some to pick with Nora Sakavic.

I actually deleted like a whole paragraph of ranting about the sports side of things because it was too embarrassing. Yes I do pay attention to college sports. None of it makes sense in aftg. I'm not going to humiliate myself by talking about how unrealistic it is.

I want to make it clear I liked it it's just fucking stupid!! Neil is a fun pov character though cause I don't understand his obsession with exy ✨at all✨ it's a SPORT. WHY are you willing to die over it. Boy chill the fuck out.

Oh Renee Walker is not straight and Nora clearly does not understand her character AT ALL if she thinks that. Ngl I really thought Renee and Allison were gonna end up together for a hot minute. They deserved to </3

Also...Nicky. Yeah he was kind of awful?? Like he was such a stereotypical creep what the fuck was that. WHY does him forcing a kiss on Neil just get ignored the rest of the series?? (Yeah it does get brought up when Neil and Andrew kiss for the first time...but that's almost worse. What the fuck.) He could've been a really interesting and good character but instead I just feel really bad for Erik.

It's just... it's entertaining and fun and I really liked it but it is so bad. It's nonsense. It's painful. I have a lot of problems with it. I still liked it. This is the most complicated I've felt about a book in awhile.

udkskdkdkkswbdns the dynamic of the team is so fun! I really like most of the characters. The romance was really great (I did go into it knowing that Andreil was endgame...but honestly that just added to the fun a lot of the time.)

Like. Come ON. Maybe Nora Sakavic just knew that if she actually made it good and well written the world wouldn't have survived...? Probably not. But it sure is a book. I have an irl who went through an aftg phase in middle school and I'm not sure how to explain my full thoughts to them (maybe they'll see it here! Ha)

Ig I'm rating it 🚩/10

[starrycassi]

I'm back from my boxing classes so

More mental hospital au, yey

So to clear everything up:

Neil is in cahoots with the FBI. He helps them with the whole "think like a criminal" shit, in regards, they sorta shorten his sentence from time to time.

Neil is ALSO is cahoots with Ichiro. He's like "the eye on the inside" or something. The information exchanged using some doctors/nurses who work for the moriyamas. Ichiro gives him shit like clothes and such since paying with money is useless. He also allows Nathaniel to live so yeah

Ichiro calls Nathaniel "Niel" or "El" from so he can tell him appart from Nathan.

So yeah Neil is doing sorta fine yk

As fine as someone in his situation can do

Then he gets told that he needs to help understand the mind of this criminal. He's like "Eyo tell me all the gossip then"

And the fucking criminals are both him and his father.

He's says "weird but ok"

Then they bring in STUDENTS

"How am I supposed to work with kids, specially when talking about myself"

"Most of them are older than you, Nathaniel. It's part of the deal"

"I thought I was out of the fucking deal"

"You've never been a brigth one, have you? Just choose one and get this over with. You'll get five years off from this one"

"I have fucking sixty years. That's absolutely bullshit"

He ends up giving in after a quick call with ichiro and getting his authorization to talk as much as he wants as long as it doesn't involves the moriyamas because I never really liked your father anyway, talk shit about him if you want to

Then the interviews begin

They're absolute hell, until this blonde short angry boy gets in. He look at Nathaniel like he couldn't care less about this, and there's something that makes that fact so interesting for someone who's had to sugar coat his identity and past to everyone he knows so he can avoid ending up completely alone

"I'm Andrew, Andrew Joseph Minyard" and he's got a pretty, and tired voice.

"I bet you know my name, right?" Nathaniel answers back, because, well, that's pretty obvious, isn't it?

"Nathaniel Wesninski. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know it by now" the blond sighs, and ruffles his hair.

He looks tired and damned, and Nathaniel wonders to himself if maybe this boy should get admitted in. He looks... not okay. He looks like that one girl that came in last week with the bandages in her neck and fear in her lungs. Andrew wears arm bands, and there's something something in Nathaniel's mind that reminds him that outside of this cold hospital, out there in the real world, is summer time.

How rare and suiting, all at the same time.

"Look, Nathaniel" Andrew doesn't sound hesitant, or scared, or petulant. He sounds like he's about to fall asleep when his voice interrupts the silence "I think you're pretty smart, right? I've read about you, of course. To survive on those conditions... you have to be very clever"

Survive. What a curious word.

Everyone else talks like Neil lived like a king, even when he bears scars that definitely don't look like the ones a monarch would have. Even when he tells everyone how much of a bitch Nathan was to him. Even when he screams and cries sometimes, because in one second he's on his bed and in the other one he's there with Lola and Nathan and knifes and please dad stop- I'll behave, stop and then-

And then Andrew keeps talking.

"So I'll explain this and you choose whatever the fuck you want"

There's a moment of silence, a moment for the pacient to calm. A moment for him to get his head back in earth.

"I'm interested in your story because it's, honestly, the easiest one to get, seeing how you're, you know, alive and such" Andrew gestures with his hand, signaling Nathaniel as a whole "That's why only a few of us have tried to interview you. There's a bunch of rules and bla, bla, bla to get to you. So what I can offer you is pretty much the same they can, with the difference of a promise"

Nathaniel tilts his head, interested. That sounds good and wrong at the same time, because he's been next to Andrew less than half an hour and he can already tell in so many ways how he is very different to the people that came to visit him before. But the promise parts sounds... promising. Hah.

"I have this horribly annoying doormate, he's got some money laying there, so I can get you outside stuff and you give me information. His name is like, Kevin day, and he used to be a star at exy and-"

And the world freezes when Nathaniel hears about that.

So he decides (he doesn't even think about it) to work with Andrew Minyard, because God fucking damnit he looks like an interesting person

Andrew is somewhat happy at this news.

[skunked-up-kicks]

Omg... same... I don't remember my first reaction to that kevin-andrew staring line, but like for example, it took me a while to get why Nicky warned Neil not to look too much at Kevin. And when people interpret things sexually/romantically in the fandom I'm definitely surprised, like the cigarette pack in Andrew's back pocket turned into staring at his ass etc. I did find stuff like Andrew brushing Neil's back more telling, but I didn't read every moment from a sexual attraction lense u know

I don't know if my last ask made sense but basically same sometimes im like "oh you guys think this line is about attraction. ok. i didn't know that" i feel like i learnt to see the romance/attraction in most of it bc i remember i felt like neil for the longest time -- i didn't see the signs of 'attraction' a lot of the time, though i did see more blatant flirting

lil disclaimer thingy: i understand everyone reads book differently and is coming from different perspectives, and i'm not intending to shame anyone or anything, just wanna talk about my experience reading aftg.

so, if i'm being honest... i do genuinely find it so baffling that people read certain scenes (mainly book 1 scenes) as sexual. like you mentioned the infamous 'neil sussed the twins out by which one had a cigarette packet in their back pocket' scene that people have turned into 'neil was ogling andrew's ass'. which.. neil is a respectful king and would never, okay? i hate when ppl make him into a fucking creep :// but also it's a good example of an early moment in the series that showed how observant and clever neil could be so it also makes me sad that the moment got stripped of that in favour of it being sexual :(

anyway, besides sexual clearly not being how it's intended to be read, it's also weird to me because like... my mind was not at all in the place to be reading scenes as sexual when i first read that scene.

we've just been introduced to neil not that long ago, and he's been presented to us as a traumatized teenager who's been squatting in his highschool's gym locker room, seems to have a nicotine addiction, is really anxious, has seen his mum die, and i'm also pretty sure there's lines about how lonely neil is and about how much he's grieving his mum. not that long before the cigarette-in-back-pocket scene doesn't neil have a moment at the window where he thinks "one of us has to make it mum"??

what i'm very poorly trying to explain is that, at least when i first read the books, i was really attached to neil early on and more importantly i was really protective of him. cause he's a child really... and a very hurt and distressed one at that, who's in a new and clearly unsafe environment. andrew's group is not presented in a good light early on, so i was rightfully suspicious and untrusting of them. how people can be given a character like neil in a situation like that and be playing matchmaker almost immediately is... yeah.

like... my mind wasn't in the place to be going "oooo neil thinks one of them has a nice ass!!🥴🥴"... LIKE? the scenes before certainly aren't set up in a way that's leading you down that train of thought...

it's the same as the scene where neil puts andrew's hand under his shirt, people talked about seeing that as sexual too. but andrew's been raped literally like 2 or 3 pages ago??? when i read those kinds of posts i can't help but think "how is this what's on your guys minds right now??..."

plus, when people say they saw these moments as sexual attraction they are often also implying they were thinking "maybe they'll get together". which is why i mentioned that i didn't trust andrew's group, cause i assumed everyone else felt the same, so i also assumed that like me they wouldn't be thinking of neil possibly getting with any of them... cause if you don't think they're trustworthy... why would you? i just wanted to protect neil from them ngl :') the only other character i liked at the time besides neil was wymack cause he actually showed that he cared about neil's wellbeing.

even that scene where andrew runs his fingers also neil's back, i honestly thought andrew was trying to intimidate neil... cause i didn't fucking like or trust andrew! he had non-con drugged not that long ago and i was still pissed at him and his group at the time. plus, andrew had used touching neil as a way to try and intimidate him before that so. even if i had picked up on the fact that andrew was attracted to neil from that during my first read, i wouldn't have thought they'd be getting together, or even wanted them too lol.

also because, aside from what i've said, there was also the fact neil told us he didn't swing... some scenes happened before that but most that people talk about happened after. if i'm reading a book and i'm having moments where i'm thinking maybe someone is attracted to the main character it's because i assume something might actually happen!

but i believed neil was aro/ace and so i wasn't looking for moments of neil being attracted to people, or moments of others being attracted to him. i never really bothered trying to read between the lines, it never even crossed my mind for so long... cause i had already set my mind on "neil won't end up with anyone". i only remembering it occurring to me at the "doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene.

and honestly, when that happened i remember thinking something like "andrew's gonna end up getting rejected". idk? i never doubted neil was aspec, i started off thinking he was aro/ace like i said but i never went "oh he's gay", i just went "oh so he's not aro/ace but he's somewhere on the spectrum of being asexual".

and also tbh... i liked that neil never thought of things sexually. it was nice :'( and seeing his own thoughts and actions getting interpreted in that way, especially after we should have been under the assumption he wasn't interested in things like that... it rubs me the wrong way.

(i know aro/ace ppl can have relationships and/or have sex, but the way neil presented his sexuality and acted when hit on. to me, it made it seem like he was completely uninterested in either)

i can understand going back through the book after reading for the first time and being like "oh andrew's actions or words here might have been partially motivated by his attraction to neil at the time!", but through the first read? and for neil?? it's weird to me...

this is quite long so sorry bout that lol, i think i'll leave it here. it's nice to see someone else feel a similar way anyway ;^;

again, i don't think it's wrong if people read it differently. it just confuses me cause it's so different from my experience reading it and what i would expect it to be like for others

[i-did]

Ok ok this may be a dumb question but we'll see, what are your thoughts on bdsm + andreil? The vast vast majority of these types of fics have Andrew as the dom (and I get why) BUT theres 1 dom Neil fic and I'm like 99% sure I think I saw u comment on it so I'm assuming ur reading it and enjoying it too. And tbh, I find it much better than pretty much all the dom Andrew stuff, I hadnt realised the potential dom Neil could have until I read it. But anyway, I wanted ur thoughts? 🤲 (this is so badly phrased I apologise)

Lmfaooo being perceived is so weird. I hope I didn't say anything because I remember commenting on that fic and thinking about commenting something about my personal sex life, but I don't remember if I did lmfaooo. Omg okay, all that aside–time to now respond to this seriously.

Okay regarding that specific fic, yeah I read a lot of AFTG fics of all types, I haven't read something NSFW in a while, but when I saw the ‘Dom!Neil’ tag I decided to give it a shot. It’s interesting seeing how other authors go about their ideas and just enjoying their story. It doesn’t align with my personal ideas of everything obviously, but those are my personal HC and that fic is that authors personal HC. I like that they’re exploring something that this fandom doesn’t see explored a lot and is just a fun read, lol. Honestly I give up on most BDSM fandom fics because the depiction of Neil makes me uncomfortable ...almost always. I agree a lot more with this fics concept of how they would explore power vs control in a BDSM sexual sense, than most Dom!Andrew Sub!Neil fics– which I have long ago stopped trying to read.

Okay here are my personal ideas about Andrew and Neil, and how they would explore sex.

Many NSFW HC below the cut:

I personally don’t think canon Andrew and Neil would go into BDSM culture or ascribe to either roll strictly. I feel they wouldn’t like established dynamics like that and would get turned off by that aspect, especially since Andrew both craves control of situations but fears ‘being like them’ and a lot of Dom play is about power dynamics that he wouldn't be comfortable with. Andrew sees power in sex as different as control during sex. He needs a controlled environment, and be in control of the other by having them listen to his boundaries, but he can’t feel he’s overpowering the other person. I don’t think he could do a lot of strictly Sub things either for similar reasons, he would feel like he's giving up control of the situation in a way that could make him very uncomfortable.

Neil on the other hand is also often portrayed as a very textbook sub, but I don't think he is. I see him written as a brat a lot, but personally I don’t see him doing that since a lot of what playing with a brat is, is giving them what they want and denying them what they want and them ‘defying you’ and stuff. It's like a form of playful miscommunication I don't see Andrew or Neil ever actually doing. Obviously all healthy and proper play is outlined and discussed beforehand, but I see Andrew and Neil as needing the actions themselves to be clear and cut and dry.

Neil also gets off on Andrews pleasure, Andrew is the same about Neil, they're almost like a feedback loop of “the other enjoying themselves is inherently hot.” to me, Neil getting off on other people (Andrew) getting off is a very Dom like quality. In turn, Andrew is very turned on by pleasuring Neil, but from the point of his knees, which is almost sub like, he is turned on by sucking someone else off and seeing how into it they are. Either way, I think they both wouldn’t be into hardcore BDSM or BDSM culture but also aren’t vanilla. I don’t see either of them going to leather clubs instead of Edens and going to Folsom Fair and joining BDSM social groups and stuff.

I also don’t think either would ever use titles for the other, I think they don’t call each other by their names often on a day-to-day basis, since usually the people were talking to already know their name, and we don’t need to use it for clarification. I do think–just like in canon with emotionally charged moments–names will be used with more emphasis, especially Abram which is not used frequently.

Side note about my Jewish Neil HC: Judaism rocks because sex isn’t shamed, but rather considered a blessing and a holy act. In fact, it’s a good thing to have sex on Shabbat, G-d is actively like ‘fuck yeah you little humans, enjoy life’s pleasures and each other's company’ sex was designed to feel good and a way to connect. Shabbat is all about human connection with those important to us, and a day of rest away from work, so sex on Shabbat is actually actively a good thing. I don’t think Neil is ever religiously Jewish, but Andrew making a joke about this once would be peak to me. Which also fits Abram, a very Jewish name I HC to be not just Neil’s middle name but his Jewish name, and is used in said holy context of sex.

I think like a lot of healthy adults who are sexually active, they will explore and will be more adventurous to try new and other things, especially when dealing with issues like waning to get off but having touch aversion and issues like that. I have a lot of sex life HC about them actually, ways they navigate erectile dysfunction, mental health, and what they like in a safe environment. They trust each other, and I like imagining different ways aspects of their relationship would change or evolve in my head in all different types of ways, including sexual. I also enjoy giving them kinks and inclinations I specifically don’t have, because it’s like me exploring the concept of why someone else might like something even though I personally don’t. I’m not imagining things that make me uncomfortable necessarily, just things I'm neutral on or don’t see the appeal of, but know why they appeal to others and try to imagine what these characters might think.

I feel canon Andrew and Neil explore sex and dynamics that make them comfortable, I have HC about Andrew possibly exploring pup play and wearing a collar for Neil partially as a “joke” in the beginning, but discovering they really like it. I also HC Neil is really into athletic stuff sexually, he thinks Andrew half dressed with his padding still on and a jock strap is just peak sex appeal. I also think Neil is very sensory, and makes associations with smells and senses easily, so he develops a sweat kink, which leads into his armpit kink. Neil isn't turned on by ‘the bad smell of sweat’ but rather the fact that when Andrew is sweaty he smells like Andrew a lot, rather than after a shower he smells more like soap, and he can’t smell Andrew as much. Andrew on the other hand prefers cleaner sex. He’s not triggered by dirty sex though– he used to suck guys off at an alt dance club and is used to the smell of sweaty balls, it's just not an active turn on. Neil has ‘nothing is hotter than Andrew wearing running shoes and socks, and only running shoes and socks’ energy to me too. I think Andrew feels good about himself in leather, but isn't going to be a leather daddy and wear the leather assless chaps and the cap, he will wear the leather harness that every gay wears to pride, but he wears it just for Neil. Also, Neil loves Andrews pecs, Neil’s kinda a boob guy, but for Andrew’s pecs specifically.

I personally think Andrew and Neil typically don’t have penetrative sex. They do it sometimes–and when Andrew is ready he will bottom more as a way to prove something to himself than anything–but it’s not their preferred way or their ‘go to’. When they finally do, they don’t see it as ���finally having sex for the first time’, since all the sex they've been having is real sex, even if its oral, hand jobs, etc. I don’t think Neil is naturally inclined to bottoming, and since even the visual of topping can make Andrew uncomfortable, they enjoy sex in any other ways, thigh fucking, docking, Andrew fucking Neil’s ass cheeks, sucking each other off, mutual masturbation, frottage, etc. and it leads to stronger orgasms when they don’t have to hope ever second will be a cliff edge and turn into a panic attack. Safer waters are simply more comfortable for them to swim in, and they deem all sex as equal in ‘value.’ that being said, Andrew likes his ass being ate, as long as its just Neil’s tongue, while Neil is neutral on his ass being ate, but loves doing it to Andrew.

I also think they would explore toys, but not in the way they're often explored in fics, which is very vibrator and dildo centric. I think they would use jacking off toys, the disposable egg kind or some more long term ones, maybe even something they could use at the same time. I don’t see them ever actually using handcuffs or restraints really either. Andrew would see Neil tied up as an equivalent statement of ‘I don't trust you not to touch me’ when he wants to actively progress past that, and shows he trusts Neil by not holding his arms back or letting him touch him. Andrew had to hold down previous partners, but Neil is different, Neil listens. This isn’t my personal opinion about restraint, but it is what I think Andrew would think.

I have no idea if this is what you meant by ‘my thoughts’ but here they are. *puts something in your open palms,* idk what emoji that would be

[paradoxolotl]

Are there any quotes or moments from any of your fics that you've had to leave out of the final product? Like, deleted scenes. If so, do you feel like sharing?...(Particularly Inked Truths because I'm obsessed with it. I fell in love with BoM, read it multiple times. When I found out you were doing a prequel I was very excited and have not been disappointed since.) (I also love TftR but it makes sad.)...Absolutely no pressure. If you don't want to answer please just ignore this, I'll understand.

Truths for the Roof didn’t lose anything but Inked lost a bit. Really, it was just redone to flow better and fit the characterization better, or moved somewhere later on in the series. I’m more likely to add then take away. It’s pretty rare I scrap something completely, and usually find somewhere else to put it, even if it’s a different fic. But originally BOM was very different. Andrew was medicated and Aaron knew Neil Josten from class.

Here’s a scene that was reworked in Ink Blotted Memories ~

Aaron did his best to avoid Andrew after that. He made himself busy at work, hauling dishes back and forth and hanging out with the bouncers on his breaks. When they were home Andrew was usually shut up in his room or outside smoking which made avoiding him all the easier, giving Aaron space to dick around on the TV or be in his room. Nicky still tried to involve both of them in stupid bonding activities like family dinners and movie nights. When they did happen, it was tense and uncomfortable, mostly filled with Nicky’s inane chatter. Aaron purposely did not look at his brother on these nights. He was torn between wanting Andrew’s acknowledgment and wishing he had never found out about him.

He marked his days with video games and his nights with alcohol and cracker dust, counting the days until he could once again use school as a distraction.

And the entire original Brother of Mine, which I rewrote most of when I got partway through ~

Aaron could still remember lying in his bed in his mother’s house, body bruised and hurting, wishing to have someone who could help him. Someone to make things better. To stand with him and hold him up when he was so close to crumbling. Learning about a long-lost twin felt like something out of a movie. An answered prayer. Finally, Aaron would have someone, a brother, who he could talk to. He imagined late night talks and secrets shared between them. They would have a bond so strong that nothing could come between them.

Andrew’s response of ‘fuck off’ had felt like a back-hand across his face.

Still, he held out hope. He was told to try again in the Spring, and that was what he planned on doing. Even when Andrew was sent to juvie, Aaron held onto his hope of a brother who would care about him. They were twins after all, how hard could it be?

The first time he had met Andrew face to face, Uncle Luther beside him and a metal table separating them, Aaron’s idea of what their relationship would be went up in smoke. His face was looking back at him, but there was no expression, no emotion at all. A blankness that revealed nothing of what he was thinking. It was hard to make eye contact with Andrew, his eyes sharp enough to be cut on. Andrew didn’t speak to Aaron at all that first visit; he just stared at him with a flat glare the entire time.

And yet he still came to South Carolina to live with Aaron. Aaron desperately wanted for Andrew to open up to him when they lived together. He thought he had to, now that they shared a room. He also hoped that home would get better, now that Andrew was home. Maybe mom would get better, would stop being so stressed. So angry.

It only took one incident for Aaron to believe Andrew was untouchable. They were in the backyard so Andrew could smoke, both sipping from a bottle of vodka Andrew had acquired. He had only moved in a week ago, and so far, things had been quiet. Aaron had no new bruises, but Andrew’s blank stare made him warry. The slam of the front door had made Aaron flinch, Andrew’s cold eyes tracking the movement. Aaron could hear their mother calling for him, her words tight with anger. Remembering the pills he had swiped earlier in the day, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and went inside.

He remembers her screaming. He remembers the pain of a hand across his cheek. Then there was Andrew, her wrist gripped in his hand, twisted far enough to make her bend at an awkward angle. It was then that Aaron saw the first expression on his twin’s face, and it terrified him. His lips had curled back in a snarl, his eyes bright with an anger Aaron had never seen before.

It was that night that Andrew had offered Aaron a deal. They would stick together, just the two of them, and Andrew would protect him. Aaron believed this was the answer to what he had been asking for. Finally, he wouldn’t be alone. He made his promise to Andrew.

Months passed, and Aaron was still collecting bruises. It was almost worse now, to have a witness to his suffering. Someone who had promised him protection but couldn’t stop everything.

Then, the accident where Aaron was left with only Andrew. Just the two of them.

The funeral where Andrew’s arm was in a sling, a cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a strange gleam in his eye as the dirt was poured on their mother’s grave.

Nicky coming back from Germany, taking them in.

Moving into a new house and Andrew installing a lock on his door.

The agony of being locked in that bathroom, withdrawal clawing his body to shreds.

The slow isolation at school, Andrew refusing to let anyone close.

Nicky’s assault and the mandated therapy.

That awful laughter and empty smile.

And Aaron had to wonder if instead of his prayers being answered, he had been cursed.

~~~

Things began changing the spring of their freshman year of college.

When they first joined the Foxes, there was a clear divide between Aaron’s family and the others immediately. Any interactions ended in spitting insults at best and violence more than not. The others feared Andrew and his knives, circling their group like alley cats. Not that the three of them were much better. Nicky constantly antagonized the others, and the twins’ general lack of effort to get along definitely rubbed a few people the wrong way. The Columbia trips solidified their isolation from the others. Honestly, Aaron couldn’t care less about getting along with his teammates. He would leave them alone as long as they did the same. He was here for a degree, not friends.

Now, they had officially been knocked out of the championships. Not that Aaron could bring himself to care, but games days usually also meant Columbia, and Aaron desperately wanted to get off campus. Between the upperclassmen, Day’s bitching over the season and Nicky’s whining, Aaron was looking forward to drinks, crackers, and music loud enough to lose yourself in.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t go without Andrew. His twin was currently perched on his desk by the window, smoking and staring out at the campus, fingers rapidly tapping. Normally they would already be packed up and gone by now, but they hadn’t gone once in over a month. At first Aaron thought it was because of exy, but then Andrew would disappear from the dorms for hours at a time, much to Day’s frustration. The only reason Aaron even noticed this as odd was because his brother rarely left Day alone. He never told them why they stopped going, or where he disappeared to, and any complaints fell on deaf ears.

“Come on Andrew!” Nicky whined, “We never go to Columbia anymore!”

Andrew’s laughter made Aaron’s jaw tick. “Oh, poor Nicky, don’t you know that no means no?”

“But why not?” Nicky was still going.

Aaron didn’t know why Nicky thought he could reason with Andrew. Unless you were Renee the best result from interacting with him would be victim to a cutting insult or dismissal. Worst case you’d need stitches.

His phone buzzing in his hand distracted him from the conversation happening. Looking at the screen, he felt a wave of relief wash over him, soothing the tension in his shoulders.

Katelyn

You played great today! It’s too bad the season is over

Katelyn was an instant balm to Aaron’s anger. It was still new, this thing between them. They had met in their intro biology class and had spent many late hours at the library studying. She had been the first person at Palmetto who had bothered to get to know Aaron for him, not just as ‘Andrew’s twin’. At first, he was a sullen asshole, but her endless patience and positivity snuck past his defenses and made a place for her in Aaron’s very bones. The only issue was they had to sneak around; Aaron couldn’t risk Andrew finding out about her.

Glancing up to make sure Andrew was still distracted with Nicky, Aaron settled further into his beanbag.

Aaron

Whatever it’s just stickball

Katelyn

Still, I’ll miss watching you ;)

Aaron had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the smile off his face.

Katelyn

How’s Columbia?

Aaron

Wouldn’t know we’re still in the Tower

Katelyn

Think you could sneak out for a bit?

We’re in that bar with the turtle

Nicky’s yelp brought Aaron’s attention back to the room in front of him. Andrew was still on the desk, but Aaron caught the glint of metal as a knife was put back in one of his armbands. His eyes followed Nicky as he retreated to the bedroom, face split in his usual grin. When the door closed behind Nicky, Andrew’s eyes snapped to Aaron, pinning him to his spot. Aaron glared back, daring Andrew to say something to him. To say anything.

Instead, Andrew flicked his cigarette out the window, slammed in shut, and left the dorm completely. Aaron wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or not.

He sat there for a moment, fingers tapping on his phone. If this was going to be following his typical pattern over the past few weeks, Andrew would be gone for hours, and wouldn’t notice if Aaron left. He would just need to be back before Andrew. Really, it wasn’t that hard of a decision.

Aaron

Be there in twenty.

Katelyn

<3

Grabbing his jacket, Aaron hurried out of the dorm, eager to get away. Even if it wasn’t Columbia, even if it was with the Vixens, any time with Katelyn was worth it.

Aaron didn’t look up as he left the Tower. If he did, he might have seen a heavy stare and two lit cigarettes.

~~~

Summer came, and somehow Betsy had convinced the courts to change Andrew’s medication. Something about an incorrect diagnosis or dosage. Aaron wasn’t sure how they thought an Andrew off the pills would be any better, but no one asked him for his opinion.

The upside was that Aaron had weeks free of his oppressive twin, and he could spend as much time with Katelyn as he wanted. It was the first time in years Aaron felt like there was no weight pulling him down, like he could finally breathe.

It was in those few perfect weeks that Aaron came to a decision.

He couldn’t lose this.

~~~

Andrew had come back from Easthaven reverted back to the emptiness of when Aaron had first met him. He had barely said a word to anyone since he came back, simply leveling that bored glare at them whenever someone tried to speak to him. Whenever Aaron saw him, he was fiddling on that damn flip phone, barely acknowledging his surroundings. Even the upperclassmen had noticed his attachment to the device.

It was during a meeting before the first game of the new season that someone finally snapped.

“Damn it, Andrew, what are you doing?” When Kevin got really angry, his face flushed. Right now, he was approaching tomato.

Andrew snapped his phone shut, “Nothing.”

“Bullshit, you need to focus. Our first game is tomorrow, and we are nowhere near ready.”

“Maybe,” Andrew drawled, “instead of worrying about me, you should focus on what you’ll do when you see Riko again.”

It was a low blow, but effective. Kevin immediately fell silent, his skin changing from red to white so quickly Aaron was surprised he didn’t faint. Edgar Allen had joined their district after Kevin announced that he would be joining the Fox line-up. Last year Kevin had showed up, hand bloody and broken, looking for sanctuary. Apparently, Riko had broken his hand in a fit of rage. Kevin had tried to sue, but with the connections and money behind the Moriyama name, it was ruled as an accident. The public backlash of that along with Kevin’s transfer to the Foxes had caused several headaches last year.

“Jesus, Andrew,” Nicky whispered.

Andrew opened his phone again. No one else tried to speak to him for the rest of the meeting.

~~~

It was a new bet among the Foxes: what Andrew was doing on his phone. Everyone agreed that it was pretty clear he was texting someone, but the question was who. Some believed it was a secret girlfriend, while others were still convinced Renee and Andrew were together. Others thought it had to be something illegal.

Aaron knew what he thought, and he silently watched and cataloged information away.

~~~

The season was going terribly. They were winning games by the skin of their teeth and they were more divided than ever. Seth and Kevin couldn’t stop fighting, their newest striker was a nervous wreck, and Andrew didn’t give a shit.

Their last game was against the Ravens, and they had been destroyed. Now, Wymack and Dan were looking for a win.

They were in the locker room getting ready for the game when Andrew’s phone began to ring. Aaron didn’t recognize the song Andrew used, but he knew he normally used the default setting for his ringtone. Andrew picked up before Aaron could think too much on it.

“What?”

At this point everyone was staring at him, not even trying to act like they weren’t eavesdropping.

Andrew scoffed, “Junkie,” he said before snapping his phone shut, tossing it into his locker, and slamming it door closed. A moment later he was stalking out of the locker room.

Silence was left behind in his wake until Nicky broke it, “So it isn’t a girlfriend?”

When the team was gathered again (...missing...)

~~~

(...missing...)Today though, Aaron needed to talk to him.

The chances of Andrew brushing off any attempt Aaron made to speak to him were high, so Aaron waited until Andrew would have to acknowledge him. On Wednesday, when Andrew walked into Reddin, Aaron was waiting for him.

~~~

“Fuck off,” Aaron growled.

Josten had that stupid smirk on his face, his finger tapping on his test score. It wasn’t even that Aaron did bad. It was that Josten did better. He always did better in this stupid class. Aaron hated statistics, but apparently Josten was a math major and took every opportunity to show him up.

From day one Aaron had disliked him. He had plopped down beside Aaron, ratty clothes and shaggy hair, and called him ‘the second Minyard’. Not only was he a complete ass, but he was completely unnerving. His eyes were a blue so pale they were almost glacial, and his face and arms were covered in slashes and burn scars.

Once, Aaron had overheard someone call him ‘Scarface’, and Josten had just asked, with a terrifying grin, if they were looking for some to match.

And Aaron was stuck in a room with him twice a week.

Josten tsked at him, still tapping at his score. “What? Still second?”

“Fuck off,” Aaron really wasn’t in the mood.

He just hummed, pulling his phone out, a god damn flip phone, and spent the next few minutes ignoring the review happening. Aaron could barely focus as Josten texted away; each click grating on Aaron’s already frayed nerves.

Aaron wasn’t even sure how Josten did so well; he spent most of the class doodling in his notebook.

[dayurno]

i absolutely love the way you wrote the consequences of the kevin/andrew chocking incident in the name of the game, the cold war, them not speaking for six months 😭 how do you think neil experienced it? i think about this a lot, it must have killed him to see andrew and kevin fight :( have you ever written anything along those lines? <3

hmmmmm honestly this is something i gave a lot of thought to and couldnt really come to a conclusion even as i was writing tnotg..... 💭 i think neil can be simultaneously very nosy and also laid back enough to know not to interfere so it's really hard to say....... with the twins and the upperclassmen/monsters dilemma neil interfered because he was an outsider and he knew what to do, but when it comes to kandrew i really don't think neil would know how to fix it at all.... i think even deep into canon neil doesn't really know much about kevin and andrew's relationship, and in such a moment he wouldn't know what to do at all. what i do know is that neil would be really upset...... and he would definitely want to try and mend their relationship, but it'd be one of the few moments where neil realizes he actually can't do it. ultimately i think it'd hurt him a lot to be this powerless in the face of their fall out, and i'm sure none of the three are having a good time about this :)

i havent written anything about this yet but i'm currently working on a kandreil post-baltimore fic where kevin goes fully nonverbal and naturally there'll be a lot of kevineil scenes! hopefully this can be enough of what you meant?

"You're laughing," Neil says, stunned. When Kevin checks over his shoulder, he realizes Neil has stopped walking altogether, and is looking back at Kevin with a strange kind of amazement in his eyes. "You— you still can laugh." Kevin turns on his heels to face him, tilting his head to the side in question. He tries to catch Neil's eyes, but Neil pulls away at the last second, gaze tracing the edges of Kevin's shadow on the pavement instead. "You just laughed," Neil explains, hands twisting to himself. "I was surprised that you still can. After— after. I haven't heard you make a sound in weeks." How silly, that even weeks into this tirade, Neil still finds Kevin's silence unusual enough to mention. But then, Kevin supposes he did laugh — it might've been a passing moment, just on the edge of disappearing, but it’s the most sound Kevin has made in nearly a month. It must've sounded like nails on a chalkboard; scratchy and useless. Neil's understanding of his signing is still clunky. Kevin can tell he tries, but Neil is the most vocal person Kevin has ever met, after all — it's hard for him to pick up on a language that makes no sound, and asks for a lot of attention. Slowly, Kevin raises his hands to Neil's eye-level, and signs, What you said was ridiculous.

[altruistic-meme]

Can you explain 1 and 7??

oh boy you chose the Big One

#7: Andrew doesn’t completely ignore the Upperclassmen – and even willingly interacts with them sometimes.

I'm going to start here because it is. A lot less Into Things than #1 is!

However, this is mostly pulled from 2 instances - one being what I mentioned about #8: Andrew is willing enough to work with Dan when it comes down to exy.

But after the first meeting that the Foxes have, when Neil meets the upperclassmen, Matt and Seth later inform Neil that all of the Foxes had stayed behind and talked about him. Dan had asked the Monster's what they thought of him, and they all had answered.

This implies 2 things; the Monster's - Andrew in particular - stayed behind after the meeting ended to interact with the upperclassmen. And they not only chose to do that, but they talked with them, honestly talked with them. Dan asked what they thought, and they gave honest answers - Andrew included. I think the exact quote Matt gives is Andrew said Neil was fast.

#1: I’m pretty sure Kevin was definitely physically abused in the Nest (and all of it’s sub-categories).

So for the sake of. Not completely going off on this reply, I do plan to make a full post about this, possibly tomorrow, so stay tuned for that.

However! You did ask and absolutely I want to give you an answer about it, because this was one of the biggest issues I have with what I found in canon vs. what I see in fanon.

Here's the thing: I have read quite a few fanfics. I love them, I love the authors, and I thank them for their service and for sharing their worlds. However, I have such a big issue with how Kevin's time at the Nest is portrayed through most fanfics. I've read fics where he's been psychologically and emotionally abused in the Nest. Okay, yes, that absolutely happened. But I've also read fics where he was blind to or intentionally ignored the abuse that those in the Nest went through, which. Um. Did we read the same words whenever Kevin spoke of the Nest? I have also, as sad as I am to say, read fics where Kevin actively participated in the abuse. Did we even experience the same books?

And yes, creative freedom and liberties and AUs and whatnot. But these stories were relatively canon-compliant, and most of them were canon-divergence. Which means they were pulling this as "canon" kind of material. And that, just. I don't understand.

As far as actually believing Kevin was abused? In TFC, when Wymack is explaining to Neil that the Moriyama's are a gang, he explicitly states that he believes Kevin was physically abused in the Nest: "I could tell it wasn't the first time Riko or Moriyama laid a hand on him. It was just the first time Kevin was smart enough to pack his bags and walk away." (p. 79) And, yes, I definitely missed this before! It's one line in the middle of a lot of other information.

But Kevin's behavior throughout the first book is consistent with the fact he was abused. I won't go into examples because oh boy are we getting kind of long already, but I will leave you with some things of note:

Whenever Kevin talks about Riko or Evermore, he gets notably quiet.

When Andrew gets upset with Kevin for lying to him, Kevin flinches away from him.

Neil, on more than one occasion, compares Kevin's fear of Riko to his own fear of his father.

He freezes in fear when Riko comes onstage during Kathy's show, and remains frozen after the cameras are off, requiring Neil to physically push him to get him to move.

After Kathy's show, Riko doesn't hesitate to elbow Kevin in the face, indicating it's not something he feels the need to put thought into.