#and how much better nick is than ben

[bisexualbuckleyy]

ben cutting charlie off while he’s talking by kissing him vs nick always wanting to hear what charlie has to say

ben pretending like he doesn’t know charlie in the halls vs nick constantly saying charlie is his best friend and wanting to hang out with him

ben saying “you know i’m sorry about ignoring you” and “if you’ve finished sulking yet” when he upsets charlie vs nick profusely apologizing when he’s done something wrong and reiterating to charlie how much he cares about him

ben calling charlie desperate and saying he didn’t even like him vs nick constantly complimenting charlie and saying that he loves liking him

ben wanting to keep them a secret because he was ashamed of himself and charlie vs nick only wanting to keep them a secret while he was still figuring out his sexuality and still telling the people closest to them when he was comfortable with it

ben not even wanting to admit that they were boyfriends vs nick loudly and gleefully declaring that they were boyfriends

[robinheaney12]

Re watching scenes of Ben and Charlie in S1 of heartstopper after watching S2 50 billion times make me actually want to sob and throw myself into a ditch. CHAR GENUINELY THOUGHT BEN WAS THE BEST HE WAS GOING TO GET BECAUSE BEN WAS THE ONLY GUY WHO ACTUALLY “LIKED” HIM 😭💔

Thank god that Nick and Charlie got together 🥹💛

[sylvies-chen]

my favourite thing about season 2 hands down was watching them bring darcy’s storyline to life and it really highlights what heartstopper as a comic-book-turned-television-show does so so well, which is encompass different forms of queer trauma/struggle

this season focused a lot on nick’s journey with coming out, the steps forwards and backwards he takes. it also shows him dealing with actual homophobic sentiments directed at him in his own home for the first time (can I get a good ol’ FUCK david nelson up in here? thank you!) which he has to learn to handle if he wants to come out sadly. and gaining that strength to step forward into the public eye and even just the point of having to actively own and protect your identity is definitely a valid struggle and anxiety-inducing thing, as we all see.

charlie’s trauma is also explored, though it takes to the end of season/vol 2 to get us there, in that spot where he opens up about it. the eating problems is definitely the red flag that consistently and subtly pops up throughout the season, but we don’t get that full unravelling of the impact it’s had on him until the last episode. he got outed and bullied at school at an age where social acceptance and community is so integral to your self-esteem. and he hasn’t developed healthy coping mechanisms to deal with the lasting impacts of it.

but darcy’s trauma and struggle weighed on my heart so much this season too, because not only is kizzy just a phenomenal actor but also because it provided a whole other angle of trauma that charlie and nick haven’t quite been through: the trauma of homophobia from a parent. like, it is so crushing to learn that the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally just… doesn’t. nick has his mum, and charlie has tori as a protector and supporter, and his parents too in their very misguided way. they both have at least one family figure in the household that embraces them and, at the very least, will defend them. but darcy doesn’t, and her friends are her only support system. which doesn’t make her struggles any worse or better than nick’s or charlie’s, but it just brings a different angle into how she interacts with the group and I loved getting to watch her finally be able to open up.

I could also go into ben, how he represents a fourth sort of struggle which is when queer repression and internalized homophobia take a toll on your moral character, but instead I just want to wrap up by saying that as much as heartstopper represents the varying ways in which queer struggles impact your life, it does so thricefold in representing the different ways in which queerness and queer community heal you, making life more vibrant and fun and peaceful.

so… yeah. I’m not emotional you are.

[thevindicativevordan]

I'm conflicted about the Maker as a character. On one hand, he's a great dark reflection to 616 Reed. He's what Reed would be if he never were confronted by the damages his ego might cause (in 616 Reed's case, the fact that it was his ego that made his loved ones change forever, while the accident was Doom's fault in 1610). He is arrogant, selfish, hyper-competent and a super-scientist-genious who, instead of fiding solutions with humanizing elements to the world's problems like 616 Reed does, doesn't care about ethics or morality, instead trying to create a perfect world regardless of how many have to die or suffer for it, whom he doens't spare a second thought for or feel guilt about.

On the other hand, I feel that WHAT he is is more interesting then HOW he became this way and WHY, and I kinda need to know the how and why to fully understand and appreciate him. I've recentely read the Ultimate Doomsday trilogy and the reasons for Reed to turn bad, the turning point to be precise, and what he was plannig exactly were… unclear to me.

His demeanor seems to change according to the writter as well. I've read the first 12 issues of Ultimate Comics: Ultimates and Hickman writes him as calm and condescending, someone who doesn't show his strong emotions, which is great. But after Humphries start co-writing from issue 10 to 12, his characterization and voice change. He is much more extrovert, so to speak, more prone to showing emotions, and he seems more generic. Also, some writers write him as still loving Sue, while Hickman doesn't seem to write him that way (the Maker doesn't show interest for the Sue in Secret Wars and he kills 6160 Sue).

I think what I want to ask is: do you also think the Maker has been inconsistently written as a character? And do you also think that the why he does things and the how he became the way he is are necessary for enjoying/understanding his character?

Oh he's a fucking incoherent mess. As a concept he's great, as an evil Reed under Hickman he's great. As the evolution of Ultimate Reed he makes zero sense.

Bendis depiction of his "fall" was awful and incoherent. Under Bendis, Reed instantly becomes the type of guy willing to commit cold blooded murder against both his family and other heroes for no real reason. If Reed is pissed about the military controlling everything, why is he trying to kill Peter Parker? Shouldn't he be trying to kill Nick Fury and destroy SHIELD? That at least would make sense, Ultimate Nick Fury is a fucking awful person. Instead he murders his entire family instead of just his asshole dad because... I don't know, he's just evil now. A writer can't write someone smarter than them, and Bendis is just not the guy for tackling the world's smartest heroic mind descending into villainy. Reed's plan is dumb and paper thin.

A better approach would have been that Reed creates minions and has them attack various heroes and SHIELD, but only the attack on SHIELD is genuine. All the attacks on heroes are false flags designed to fail, Reed even has them attack himself and his home to make it look like he's a victim too. Only his dad gets killed because his dad was the one Reed hated. Reed's plan is to kill off the military handlers, and bring the heroes together to solve a threat by themselves, in hopes that everyone will see they don't need to be taking orders from SHIELD. Heroes can solve problems on their own. Reed also wants to reunite the Fantastic Four and thinks that this could remind the other three why they need each other. Of course the other heroes find out that Reed is responsible and attempt to bring him in, with Sue, Ben, and Johnny turning on him being what sends Reed off the deep end. He becomes the Maker and resolves to build a family in his image which will be what he wants them to be.

Other writers desperately tried to reconcile Ultimate Reed with how Bendis portrayed his fall but it just never worked. Hickman had the right approach, he threw Reed into the City where times passes at an accelerated rate to justify the changes. Maker isn't human anymore, not really. He's been alive for so long that his perspective on everything has changed - or so it seems. It's tough to talk about Maker in Ultimates because Hickman never got to finish his story. No doubt in my mind that the Maker storyline was meant to run for a while, but Humphries understandably didn't want to be saddled with another writer's storyline forever. My recollection is that Humphries worked off of Hickman's notes, and while the execution differed it's possible that some of what Humphries did was Hickman's intention.

Some of what Maker does under Hickman doesn't make sense if Maker is as cold and pure logic-based as he tries to come off as. For example the City is on Earth instead of the moon or whatever because the City needs a "solid foundation" which presumably means Earth like conditions. Ok - why the hell does Maker put his City in Europe? Why not Antarctica or some other remote location? In Hickman's New Avengers, Maker recreates the City in a remote region of South America, which means he had other options. Putting his City in Europe feels like he was itching for a fight. Obviously there was quite a bit of gap in time between when Hickman wrote those two issues, but then there's other odd behavior. Why does Maker insist on humiliating Thor by forcing Thor to serve as his messenger instead of just... sending a message? Why bring Falcon in and show off the City instead of kidnapping world leaders for the same effect? My belief is that Hickman does not intend for Maker to be pure logic. Spite is definitely a big part of what drives him. On some level Maker was clearly itching for revenge and for praise from his former comrades. He wanted to hurt them and impress them, or at least rub in their faces what he had achieved.

Wish Hickman would share what the original plans were, but if Humphries really was working off his notes I could totally buy that Maker was going to be brought down by a need to impress Sue. He'd bring her into the City to brag and flex on her, the jilted boyfriend simultaneously hoping to hurt her for leaving him and win her back, and she would bring him down. Unlikely that Hickman would have Reed outright admit that the way Humphries did, but as an undercurrent to his actions he may not even be aware of himself? Yeah I could buy that. As for why he doesn't care about the other Sues, he spells out in Secret Wars: they're not his Sue.

Even Hickman has him admit that he's wondered what his life would have been like if he had gotten the life 616 Reed did. Plus there's his whole torturing of 6160 Reed. He could have killed 6160 Reed along with the other three, but he didn't. Instead he turned the guy into Dr. Doom and attempted to break him. Why? What purpose does that serve? 6160 Reed knows Maker hates him but can't figure out why. My theory is that it's because Maker is trying to take a Reed who is similar to 616 Reed and transform the guy into a monster like him. It's his middle finger to 616 Reed. Maker wants to prove that 616 Reed isn't better than him, if Mr. Fantastic had lost his family and been put through hell like Maker had, he would break too. That 6160 Reed is, so far, not a monster like Maker pisses Maker off. It's not logical to keep 6160 Reed around, and doing so leads to Maker's fall.

Hope that long winded rant clarified my thoughts for you. Moving on to the second part, do we need to know the how and why of Maker to enjoy him? Depends on how he's used. Something like Cates' Venom run, no. Maker is just an Evil Reed there, we don't need his backstory to understand that he's a power hungry bastard out only for himself. Per Cates himself, Maker is there because he wanted a dark reflection of the Peter/Mr. Fantastic relationship, and it's enough that Maker is a villain working with a dark anti-hero Venom to help facilitate that. Now in Ultimate Invasion, yes you do need to understand the how and why. Problem is that it's not clear why Maker does a lot of what he does. His creation of the Ultimate Illuminati is explained and makes sense, but what is his endgame? What does he want 6160 to become? I can't tell you. No clue at all what his endgame is supposed to be. Does he want to turn the world into a global version of the City? Does he genuinely want to make a utopia? He seems content to let his underlings run their fiefdoms with a relatively free hand. 6160 America appears to be much more advanced thanks to the technocrats running things. Even allows Howard Stark and Bruce Banner to express misgivings about his rule. Public seems to think he's a great guy, presumably he didn't kill a shitload of people to build his society this time around. We needed more info on what his plans were and we didn't get them.

Maker is a fun character and also an inconsistent mess. One does not always preclude the other. Now my personal opinion is that he's approaching the end of his lifespan, I think Hickman needs to give him an ending. Whether that's death or something else I don't know, but a confrontation between Maker, Mr. Fantastic, and DoomReed is all that's left to do with him I feel. Hickman is really the only one who has used him to his full potential anyway. Give him a proper send-off to close the door on the old Ultimate Universe as we move into the new one.

[highly-important]

I think a big criticism I have of Heartstopper is how it makes a sexual minority (Ben) the face of homophobic oppression.

We know that one of the things that affected Charlie the most was the bullying he went through earlier. That it was so bad no one can really put it to words.

Charlie describes his bullying in a very abstract and intangible way, and never directly points the finger at anyone specific.

In general, there is this collective amnesia about who actually bullied Charlie and who let it happen. No one is really held accountable for it.

This is also very similar to whatever happened with Elle at Truham. Elle was extensively bullied, but she brushes off her problems and we never see the extent of her trauma. We honestly don't even know how this actually affected her, apart from the ways that she minimizes herself. But its all abstracted - no one is really ever identified as responsible or complicit.

Ben is the only person who is identified from that time in Charlie's life, and it means its easier to blame Ben for it than anyone else.

I understand why Nick and Charlie don't want to forgive Ben, and I don't think he is owed that forgiveness. But I also think Ben is a stupid 15 year old in an awful, traumatizing situation. There is reason to believe he would have behaved differently if he wasn't also in a homophobic environment. Do you think Ben could hear other people call Charlie disgusting and not internalize it himself? And the responsibility for their relationship going badly isn't squarely on Ben's shoulders, either.

There is also no reason why someone else, like Araji or Farouk couldn't have given him an empathetic moment or helped him a little. Ben is equally deserving of support and compassion.

Ben becomes the face of Charlie's trauma, and Ben seems to bare the responsibility for it. The straight people around him slip under the radar, despite arguably being the ones bearing the most responsibility for Charlie's issues. Charlie's self hatred, his ED, and the cutting are all caused by the bullying. The straight bullies are allowed some grace and empathy that isn't given to Ben.

We forget that Nick has been a part of Harry's friend group for years. Nick isn't really doesn't stick up for what's right on his own, and doesn't help much when they hit Tao with the ball. Obviously his feelings for Charlie cause him to reexamine these things. But its not something Nick ever has to come to terms with. (Its similar with Imogene, she hangs out with and enables some of Charlie's tormentors, but never really has to come to terms with that.) And in S2, the actions of Nicks' friend group are largely forgotten, and the emphasis is put on how supportive they are when Nick comes out.

It is very realistic that kids would react differently to an unpopular kid coming out than they would a popular kid coming out. But they're still the same people. Charlie doesn't even feel resentment that the same people who called him disgusting are now voicing support of Nick.

It is the bullying that made Charlie feel disgusting, its the bullying that gave Charlie an ED and made him self-harm. And its the bullying that made Ben want to keep his relationship with Charlie a secret.

If Nick was friends with Harry for a while, and Nick doesn't really remember the bullying Charlie went through, it also means that Harry maybe wasn't a main antagonist when Charlie's bullying was "really bad." So even though Harry is the face of homophobic bullying, even he is disconnected from the "really bad" that happened the year before. Harry is just an asshole, and somehow not responsible for causing serious trauma.

We get more of an indication that Harry can grow and do better than we do Ben. And yes, even though Harry is never forgiven or forgotten, he's also never confronted with it either.

All the straight people at school are easily redeemable because weirdly, none of them seem to actually be complicit in the "really bad" bullying that fucked Charlie up.

(And even making these distinctions between when the bullying was really bad and not so bad missed how any kind of daily micro aggressions, no matter how small, can build up to have toxic effects. Hearing your sexuality degraded pretty consistently can have huge negative affects on your health, even if to an outsider it doesn’t look like that much.)

I am seeing more and more media do this - make a minority the face of that minority's oppression. Its this gentle way of exploring oppression, while avoiding making people outside that minority group feel uncomfortable or ask difficult questions about their own complicity.

It perpetuates this idea that homophobia is actually over, despite the fact that somehow, mysteriously, the affects of homophobia are still felt. Harry is written as someone who can improve, Ben is written as someone who is incapable of change. I think there is just something deeply unsettling about who is given compassion and empathy.

Not only does HS really avoid the hard work of showing how Ben gets better, but it avoids the hard work of having the straight characters confront the harm they caused.

And I'm not saying this to "cancel" Heartstopper or tell you you're a bad person for liking it. I've written extensively about the things I think this show gets right. But I think that making a minority the face of minority oppression is a damaging trope that we should be as critical of as we are of tropes like "Bury your Gays"

[folkloriansolitairian]

hyper-analyzing and looking too deeply into ben hopes final scene in heartstopper season 2

so i think it’s needless to say that ben hope is a terrible human and everyone hates him (at least i would hope so), but after rewatching heartstopper more times than i’d like to admit, i’ve discovered how multi dimensional and complex of a character ben is, and how much there is to analyze in his scenes this season. so it’s deep dive time! buckle up mother fuckers this will take me a minute.

so basically this is bens final scene in both the season and show as a whole, when he goes to elle’s art exhibition and gives a lousy attempt at apologizing to charlie. first and foremost i want to say how JOYOUS it makes me that alice and the writers didn’t take the easy way out and hand him a impactless redemption arc on a silver platter. i loved to see charlie’s response to bens apology and charlie basically saying “that’s nice you want to be a decent human but i don’t want to be there to see that happen” that was amazing!!! a common thing i see in media, especially with queer storylines is that a character does something to hurt another queer character, and they just accept their apology no questions asked, which is super belittling to the character and the community it’s representing in the show. i really appreciate that ben maintained the asshole image he’s had the entire series, no strings attached

on the topic of this scene, the rainbow wave coming from lamberts doors after nick and charlie walk away from ben has so much meaning and foreshadowing that needs to be talked about more. so the first layer meaning of this scene is that the queer community is welcoming him and this is his invitation to join them and begin his journey in finding comfort in his sexuality and accepting himself and becoming a better person, and since you, the viewer, hates this character SO much you’re thinking come on, just walk in and accept the warm and comforting embrace of the community. there’s other people just like you in there! you as the viewer know that there’s a community there notorious for their abundant acceptance that could help him embark on his journey of self discovery and acceptance, is he would just reach out and accept it, but he doesn’t. and even though you have such a deep, burning hatred for this character, it still breaks your heart a little to see him walk away. this shows that he will never be able to accept himself for who he is, and that this will always be apart of him that he will never be able to express.

this scene also has parallels to nick and charlie’s relationship. the rainbow at bens feet is reflective of a wave at the ocean, which nods back to nick and charlie’s beach date at the end of season 1. ben walking away from this symbolizes the fact that accepting himself and the queer community would also open the opportunity to experience a raw, deep love like nick and charlie, something that ben expresses in his apology to charlie is something he longs for. walking away from the rainbow wave means ben is walking away from any opportunity to heal and accept himself and in return experience a real, happy relationship with someone he truly loves, not someone he thinks he’s ‘supposed’ to be with.

so to summarize ben hope - though very hateable - is such a detailed and complex character who i could go on and on for hours about his few scenes and little screen time and how much thought goes into all of them, and how much meaning they all have, not only for ben but for the other characters as well. i could make many other posts about ben and his character arc in s2, but i thought for this post specifically i’d just keep it contained to this scene in particular, because i’ve just been thinking about it a lot lately and i just had a lot to say. so yeah comment if you want to hear more about my thought in ben i guess? thanks for reading!

[jeanmoreausautismstickers]

hello I absolutely adore Imogen as a character and I'd like to talk about her a bit.

CW: Heartstopper spoilers for seasons 1 and 2

okay so Imogen's character's really interesting to me in the way that she sort of parallels Nick (mostly in season 2 but a bit in season 1 also).

in season 1, she's shown to be more popular. she's good friends with Nick and most of the rugby players and I'd assume probably has many friends at Higgs also. I see her depicted as a 'bad' person (more before season 2 was released than after) simply because she's one of Nick's love interests and it's odd to me?? it isn't like she really did anything wrong, excluding lying about being with Nick to Tara, Darcy and Elle. like yes sure she's friends with Harry, his lot, and later on Ben, but she's honestly not that bad. when she tells Tara and Darcy she's an ally (this is one of my favourite bits) she genuinely believes that she's doing the right thing. I'm not saying they have to be grateful or anything, but she doesn't know any better and she really is an ally.

sure, she can be a bit annoying, maybe a little overbearing but keep in mind she is sixteen years old. she has a crush, or at least she feels like she's supposed to, on a guy she's friends with. she asked HIM out, HE said yes. she didn't ambush him or anything, in fact I believe she didn't really want Harry and the rest of the group there when she asked Nick out. it wasn't her fault he felt pressured to say yes.

when Nick tells her he doesn't feel that way about her, she doesn't get angry with him or try and convince him to be. she accepts it, regardless of how much that has to hurt, and moves on. she doesn't even tell their friendship group that it's Nick's fault it didn't work out, she says SHE can do better. and she can. I love Nick, but she fully deserves someone who genuinely loves and is attracted to her as a person.

in season 2, it's shown that she's still good friends with Nick! she's moved on, she doesn't try and pressure or force him or anything. granted, the guy she develops a crush on isn't great, but she doesn't know that. when Nick tries to tell her, she (understandably) gets upset and I do not blame her. she believes Ben, the same way Charlie believed him when they started kissing and stuff, and that's not her fault. Ben is shown to be really good at manipulation.

when she ends up realising Ben sucks and hanging out with the 'Paris Squad' it's shown that she's much happier. I think my favourite part of this, however, is how close she grows with Sahar.

her breaking up with Ben was my FAVOURITE thing she's ever done it was such a good scene. it also shows how much she's grown as a person to be able to recognise she really does deserve better and needs to turn her focus back on herself.

her and Sahar help me circle back to when I said she parallels Nick because the situation is a bit similar. she and Sahar start off as friends. she believed Sahar was straight, and when she said so and Sahar got upset, you can see the confusion and panic on her face because she really does feel guilty for assuming and feeling like she's hurt Sahar, and it's shown that she follows her offscreen (showing she HAS been working on herself, btw). it's after that initial realisation that she starts looking at Sahar a bit differently.

the biggest one though is when she sees Sahar on stage (sort of like Nick with Charlie and his drums in the orchestra) and the bi flag coloured lights flash across her.

I think it just parallels nicely with Nick and Charlie's relationship because of the similarities (l cba to list them) in how their relationship began and how her's and Sahar's MIGHT begin (if we get a season 3 and thats a storyline Alice wants to pick up)

overall I think she and Nick are very similar (she also is very golden retriever ish) and she's such a good character and I'm glad she's in the show. she creates conflict (like the date in season 1 and Nick being anxious about telling her in season 2) but not so much that she can't be redeemed or loved as a person/character.

also!! I love that she did the ally to (potentially) queer person pipeline because that's a very realistic queer experience and it brings me a lot of joy to see that depicted onscreen.

dunno I've rambled enough and this honestly probably doesn't make much sense considering I've not slept but I hope you enjoyed this 🫶

[gleefuldarrencrissfan]

Alright, I’ve seen several articles and posts lately asking what it is about straight woman shipping gay male couples, and I have to say I’m guilty. I’m going to try to explain.

It’s not a gay porn thing or even about sex at all. It’s many things, but I think it boils down to the relationships and how they are with each other. I realized there are straight ships (like Monica and Chandler and Leslie and Ben are the two that pop into my head) that I have too, and I love them for the same reason. Support & friendship.

These couples are not just a couple. They support each other completely. They are each other’s best friend. They make each other better. It’s a true partnership. They truly look out for each other and have their back.

I think most of the stories I seek out show this. I believe that many past movies and films like to depict guys as masculine and tough, and although a woman appreciates this quality in a man, I think what she really craves is a man who can share his feelings and show vulnerability occasionally. Not all the time. But as a woman, I know safety is so much more than just feeling like my significant other can protect me if there’s a break-in. I want to feel safe if I have a break down. I want to feel safe to express or share when I’m not feeling strong, but I want him to do the same. I want my partner to talk to me, hold me, hug me, and that be enough. I don’t want to be propositioned for sex afterward. Lol.

I think what I love about these characters is that they talk about the hard stuff and they’ve made it clear that they are going to love each other through all of it. They are going to support their other half with the things that maybe others have found unloveable or maybe even things they are insecure about regarding themselves.

To me, these relationships are beautiful. They are not perfect. The characters are flawed, and I like them that way. Blaine has depression as does Charlie. TK is a former addict. Kurt has major anxiety. Nick and Carlos both have insecurities about their identities and struggle with self acceptance. But they share these struggles. They allow one another to fall apart and support them when they need it most, like Carlos calling TK’s sponsor when he realized he wasn’t the person TK needed. Kurt pushed Blaine to talk about when he was insecure about his weight gain. And Charlie never pushed Nick to come out. I think that’s what I find beautiful. Nick does the same for Charlie in season 2, but I’m not posting spoilers. Lol

My favorite fics about these couples are not the ones that are pure smut. They go deeper. Ok, that sounds dirty. Lol. My favorite stories let them talk, hold one another’s hand, and just be there when the other needs it. Don’t get me wrong. I won’t pretend I skip over all the smut. Lol. I used to when I first started reading it. But I think what I started to realize was it’s true when they say that what women really crave is not sex but intimacy. There’s a difference.

I like reading about those couples that share that connection. That can have a conversation without saying a word (but they don’t rely on that.) Those conversations have happened and these characters will continue to talk through insecurities and feelings in their relationship. Because that’s what they have is a real relationship; a true connection; real intimacy.

You may say it’s a fetish. But maybe it’s deeper than that. Maybe we’re craving this. I love the touches, the looks, the hugs, the reassurance. It’s not about the kisses or sex. It’s the connection.

[panic-like-the-disaster-you-are]

SOO I JUST FINISHED HEARTSTOPPER SEASON 2 RN.

AND UHHH I SMILED AND CRIED SO MUCH.

I LOVE HEARTSTOPPER SO MUCHHH.

(I'll warn you now, heartstopper SPOILERS ahead:)

I loved how we got to see Elle much more than the books, and i love the fact that she's an artist and she found other queer people in her new school and stuff.

I LOVE TORI SO MUCH. The "you're a pathetic little man" scene!!!! The scene where she dug her nails into David for being a dick when they were at the dining table. The scene where she told Nick to either take care of Charlie or he does!! I love her. Tho she did come accross darker this season as I've seen other people say

And the part where Isaac said "I've never really have any celebrity crushes" just hit different tbh, and the moment where he held the ace book and just strut out the library omgg. And Crush Culture by Conan Gray was perfect for Isaac i think.

And one thing, I never expected to see tao and charlie kiss, even if it was a dare...

Ohh, Nick's coming out at the party scene was slightly better in the book tbh

Also, I love the teachers (Farouk, Ajayi, and singh).

Ohhhhh, Imogen. Babe you are an idiot. Ben Hope, seriously?? Also is it just me or am I imagining stuff cuz there was a vibe about Sahar and Imogen towards the end, so idkkk

And OMGGGG SEVEN IS SUCH A PERFECT SONG FOR TARA AND DARCY.

"I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad and that must be why

And i think you should come live with me

And we can be pirates

Then you won't have to cry

Or hide in the closet"

The 'haunted' part. The 'your dad(mom) is always mad' part. The 'come live with me' part. The 'you won't have to cry or hide in the closet' part. Like omg. A song can't get more perfect than that. I love them so much. Darcy deserves much better parents, and also a hug tbh.

And the part where Charlie told Nick about self-harming. I was sobbing so much.

One thing about the ending tho, I don't think Charlie's gonna send Nick that message, next season will probably start with Charlie gay panicking and searching up "how to tell someone i love you" and talking to himself and making up a scenario like in the book. Cuz I really want the "YOU TOLD ME ILY IN THE SHOWER" scene

Anywayy, that's all for my Heartstopper season 2 rant, i loved it SOOO MUCHHH that I could cry. (I did actually cry lolll)

[asyouleft]

WIP Wednesday

Finally remembering that I always want to post WIP Wednesday but constantly forget.

Anyway:

Irondad for @happyaspie

“Hiya, Spidey,” came Mr. Stark’s voice from the suit and a second later, the man himself stepped out. Peter had been this close to Mr. Stark once, back when they went to the Stark Expo. He was in awe of the man and the suit then and now, it was much of the same. 

Peter almost fell off the building on purpose, running away from the whole situation, but he couldn’t get himself to move. Instead he cleared his throat, trying to sound much older than almost but not quite 16 years old. “Hi, Mr. Stark Man.”

The second the words left his mouth, he wanted to die right then and there.

Mr. Stark laughed, moving away from the suit and coming closer. “Mr. Stark Man was my father, please call me Tony.”

“I’d prefer Mr. Stark,” Peter said, words coming out of his mouth without his permission. “Can I help you?”

“Hm,” Mr. Stark said, stopping close to Peter, almost enough to touch him. “I just wanted to say hi. I’ve seen you swinging around lately, pretty impressive stuff if I do say so myself. That car you caught? Great job.”

“Thanks.”

And two Heartstopper fics for good measure:

“We should hang out sometime, it’d be nice to catch up,” Nick said, cutting him off before Charlie could escape the conversation. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “What’s your number? I’ll text you, so you can have mine.”

Charlie was a bit confused and worried at how strong Nick had come on. He tried to remember if they really did talk at any point but he could remember nothing beyond a brief hi once, maybe twice. Nick was a year above him and played rugby, something Charlie didn’t touch. He was never allowed to attend any parties, especially if Ben was going to be there too. 

“Oh uh,” Charlie stammered. He’d gotten a new number and phone after leaving Ben since he was in charge of their phone bills. He kinda remembered it but with Nick standing there, he couldn’t recall. He fished his phone out of his pocket, unlocking the screen. “I just got a new number,” he added. “I don’t really remember it, sorry.”

“Oh, let me give you mine,” Nick said, not deterred in the slightest. He rambled out his number, as Charlie typed it into his contact, labeled him as “Rugby Nick” for some reason. There were only 5 names in his contact list to begin with, it wasn’t like he wouldn't remember putting in Nick Nelson’s number. 

and my favorite new thing I'm writing (to which I had to find the least explicit part which is kinda hard apparently)

“Ah shit,” Charlie said, almost falling off the bed in his haste. “Where the fuck are my jeans?”

“Your jeans? Jesus, where are my pants?” Nick mumbled, getting up out of bed and scavenging around his floor. “We have to be better about this part.”

“Oh sorry,” Charlie said, rolling his eyes, but finding his jeans, pulling them back on while Nick struggled to get his shirt over his head. “I was a little preoccupied with the hickey you were sucking into my collarbone to stop and fold my pants.”

They dressed with just enough time, opening the bedroom door and getting in their “normal” cuddle pose just as Sarah came up the stairs. Nick had placed his laptop on his lap, making it look like they’d just been watching something. But if Sarah came any closer she might have noticed the laptop wasn’t even turned on.

“Hi boys!” she called out, her voice a lot louder than it needed to be. “I’m home and coming up the stairs.”

Charlie blushed, shoving his face into Nick’s shoulder as his boyfriend giggled. “God, I hate that she totally knows what we’re doing. This is just - so cringe.”

[retrieve-the-kraken]

Heartstopper season 2 play-by-play analysis

HAPPY ONE MONTH OF SEASON 2 OF HEARTSTOPPER!!! *CONFETTI*

So I’m gonna go into this, just like I did for Young Royals season 2, a scene-by-scene, episode-by-episode breakdown of Heartstopper season 2, because I needed to immediately rewatch it. I’m only on my fourth rewatch, but that’s only because I’ve been writing a lot, also because my third rewatch involved rewatching season 1 also (for, I’m pretty sure that I’m not exaggerating, the twenty-eight time).

It was such a delight. I said it was perfect, but obviously it’s not perfect, nothing is, and I’ll go into it bit by bit, buuuuuut… it was incredible. It hit the right spot. Whilst season 1 was pure serotonin, and it makes me smile even after the gajillionth wazillionth batrillionth rewatch, season 2 did the same but also delved into some heavier, more mature stuff, and handled it very beautifully. Despite the obvious chemistry between all the actors, you can tell that they all know each other better, they all feel more comfortable with each other, they have grown into their characters and now fully embody them flawlessly. The new characters, or characters that were more in the background before and that now get a bit or a lot more screen time, were also excellent, the scenes that are a frame-by-frame recreation of the comic are delightful and heart-wrenching and perfect, but so are most of the new scenes that we didn’t get from the comic, that give us a beautiful insight into the stories that Alice Oseman does not get a chance to share in the comic, but that are very much a part of the Osemanverse.

All I can say is that, the last scene made me scream “I NEED SEASON 3 NOWWWWW!”

Any way, now that’s all out of my system, let’s get on with the second viewing of season 2, and my thoughts on it. Warning, this might just turn out to be me gushing and squealing with delight and not much else.

EPISODE 1 - OUT

- Let’s just pause here and look at Charlie. Just… how fucking beautiful is Joe Locke when he sleeps?? How dare he? (He also looks so cuddly, like Nick says.)

- What is 7:14??? Who sets their alarm at anything other than a :00, or a :05, or a :15, etc etc???

- HE HAS A FUCKING ORANGE LEAF ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE!

- Them being disgustingly cute over text. Also it wasn’t until Nick said a bit later that he came out to his mum ‘yesterday’ that I realized ‘oh… they were at the beach yesterday…’ But before that, it felt like more time would have gone by, but they’re still settling into their couple life…

- Untouched bowl of cereal…

- “Job”? That just reminded me of Evak…

- I love that we got more Tori this season, more Tori interacting with other people, and that scene…

- We get a very similar montage of Charlie walking excitedly into school, checking his texts, but last season started with him excitedly heading to meet Ben, and now…

- The shift between the boy that used to meet him in secret rooms and wipe his mouth after kissing him and tell him “don’t tell anyone”, to a boy that is just looking for privacy to tell him that he came out to his mum and then kissed him enthusiastically, letting him mess up his hair and all… we love to see it.

- Listen, props to the intimacy coordinator Daniel Thackeray… the chemistry has always been off the charts, buuuut this season was so beautiful, the way that they are clearly more comfortable with each other and they just look so in tune with each other. Ever since I’ve known that such a thing as an intimacy coordinator exists, I feel like I can really tell when there’s one involved in the production and when there isn’t… or maybe you can tell when actors are really comfortable with each other and have done the intimacy coordinating between them themselves or not, but there is a difference. And one of the biggest differences, at least for me, is that I don’t feel uncomfortable watching two people kiss or simulate sex, because I keep thinking “these are actors making out or simulating sex with each other,” but at times that thought is cringey and other times it really isn’t. Sometimes I need to look away, and other times, like now, it’s just perfect.

- I need Charlie to mess up Nick’s hair like that more often. Seriously, that whole making out montage… they’re so adorable.

- I know that not that much time has passed, but when the comic is over and Alice shows us future Charlie and Nick on their fortieth wedding anniversary, I bet there will still be fireworks between them.

- A bit sad that Charlie hears voices in the distance and it snaps him back to reality, that someone might see them. This obviously changes next episode.

- I love Isaac smacking Tao when he’s beginning to imply that Nick is not amazing. And Tao being protective, we love it.

- Tao running away from Elle scared after almost screwing up the chance to be a gentleman.

- Ben saying “here comes Captain Dipstick”… he’s so fucking jealous… and Imogen being all confused before she turned and saw Nick and had no idea that’s who Ben meant, and instead she got all excited.

- I love how the character of Imogen gets expanded. Her being worried that she can’t be friends with Nick if he thinks she still has a crush on him… aw baby… It seems like the thing that he said earlier, about him not being sure that he’s his authentic self with their group of friends, she’s internalizing that. She sees Nick as a person who is worthwhile to keep as a friend, because he was honest with her, and because he was careful with her feelings. She’s a delightful little pumpkin, and I loooove her new look. I think the lighter streaks in her hair suited her, but she looks much better like this.

- “And if you have any romantic developments, I want to hear all about it”, she so hopes that if she’s right about Nick and Charlie, that he’ll trust her enough to tell her, because then they’re really friends.

- Aaaaah the lovely baritone of Stephen Fry…

- I don’t know who’s more upset about being paired with the other, Nick or Ben. Probably Nick, who could smash Ben’s face in with a single punch, but cannot…

- New favorite character unlocked: Mr. Farouk. The actor exceeded my expectations.

- Mr Farouk says no chatting, but Ben is so desperate for attention, that he just talks to Nick in a normal voice. “I didn’t even do anything to you.” You assaulted Charlie, which is basically an assault on everything that is good and right in Nick’s world, and basically an assault on Nick’s very soul. So yeah, actually, you did something to him.

- Seriously, Sebastian Croft does such a good job at playing an arrogant asshole that you almost forget how adorable he is in real life.

- Harry being like “you’re still in a mood with us”, once again reminding us that it’s only been a few days since they fought and he got suspended.

- If Charlie hadn’t rejoined the rugby team, he wouldn’t have seen how much Nick is still so apprehensive with his friends.

- It’s only been a few days and Tao is still processing the butterflies he felt with Elle… the funniest thing is that he’s the last person to realize that he’s got feeling for Elle.

- Nick getting all excited and blushy about a chocolate bar…

- “That’s why kissing at school is not a good idea”. Yes, and maybe check if the locker room is actually empty before saying that sentence so loudly…

- “If we’re out by the time we’re on the Paris trip…” ugh, he so wants to come out, but he just doesn’t know how hard it can be… he thinks once you’re out it’s fine, but Charlie knows… that it’s just a part of it, and more stuff might come later… that when you come out, you’re coming out over and over again constantly… especially for someone like Nick, whom people have always assumed to be straight and claim that he “doesn’t look gay”…

- “No more kissing at school, it’s too risky”. I swear to god I thought we’d get a jump scare from someone who overheard…

- “I treasure my alone time”. Same, Tori, same. Put this on a t-shirt for me, please.

- Tori is so happy that Charlie is happy, she's so happy that Nick makes him happy, that Nick is the way he is, and she's probably very smug about how right she was.

- I love that we get baker Nick. Now I need a full scene of him baking, and watching GBBO, and especially having a flour fight with Charlie like we do in the comic...

- Darcy and Tara are doing the “would you still love me if I were a worm” meme, which canonically was a Nick and Charlie thing, but it’s definitely such a Tara and Darcy thing too.

- I want every single Charlie jumper…

- Isaac looking at all the coupley couples, and the not-yet-coupley couples, and feeling left out… Same, Isaac, same.

- Precious Imogen, being all excited about the sleepover. I bet none of her “friends” have sleepovers, I bet they all think it’s lame.

- “I’m gonna tell her today”. The girls probably know that Imogen will be cool, but Tao and Isaac exchanging worried looks really got me… are they worried about Nick, or are they worried about the implications for both Nick and Chalie?

- Charlie’s face as Nick kind of stumbles over his words, he’s so patient. He knows how difficult™ it is...

- Every single Elle outfit this season was off the charts… Her earrings in this scene, I need them…

- Speaking of outfits, and in general of color schemes, everything is so yellow in the whole sleepover sequence. Generally a lot of things in Charlie's house are yellow and green (and a bit of orange too). And even most outfits in these scenes are yellow and green. Charlie is wearing green, Elle is wearing yellow, Tara's flowery dress is mostly yellow (IMO), Darcy's in red but it has hints of orange and yellow, and Tao is in this pinkish striped shirt and tan pants, so very in the color scheme... everyone is wearing yellow and green in some way... except Nick, Imogen and Isaac. Blue as a symbol has been very representative throughout the show of heterosexuality, (toxic) masculinity, heteronormativity in a way (it seems to me, at least), and although the shade of blue is very light, here Imogen is in full light blue, whilst Nick is wearing a blue shirt, interestingly over a green t-shirt. There's a lot of green in this season (green is the color of hope and optimism, which I think comes into play a lot, whilst also being the resulting combination of blue and yellow). The other character not in the yellow green scheme is Isaac, who wears grey (because SPOILER ALERT, grey is an important color in the ace flag, and we later get confirmation that Isaac is in the ace spectrum) ...

- “You need to tell her”. The girls are trying to tell you that it’s going to be fine, Nick. Imogen will not be weird about it.

- Poor Nick trying to bond with Tao… and Tao being Tao…

- Imogen really is an ally… an imperfect one at that… “Omg, I should have let you say it”.

- Also her face. I love her. And her hugging him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to react.” She’s so happy that he wanted to tell her, that he was honest with her again. She’s adorable.

- Imogen and Isaac sharing the couch, love them…

- Elle is so certain that her flirting didn’t work, and not the fact that she’s so overwhelmingly lovely that Tao doesn’t know what to do with himself…

- “Every time.” “Every time.” Every time that they have a sleep over, Isaac begins and finishes a book just as they leave? Isaac, do you sleep?

- Nick feeling more confident now that all their friends, including Imogen, know and are cool, and going back to kiss Charlie. And Charlie not being worried about it either.

- “I can’t believe people think you’re straight”, meanwhile Imogen looks a bit uncomfortable because until sports-day she also thought that Nick was straight.

- Julio Spring saying hanky-panky repeatedly exceeded my expectations.

- Tori’s eyes filling with tears as she asks Charlie if he’s not worried about being bullied again.

- Does Nick know how fucking protective and precious Charlie is about him???? Aarrrrghhhh‼‼

THIS EPISODE OF HEARTSTOPPER IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SEROTONIN™.

On to the next!!!

[mayasdeluca]

I thought it was confirmed Carina was going to have a part in the crossover? Did that just get nicked with Theo?

That’s a bummer and probably means they aren’t bringing Carina back to Grey’s. It’s maddening. Hospitals can have two gynecologists. How many Chief of a surgery do they have? 🙄

If Theo becomes a guest star on grey’s, I’m done. Lol

I feel bad for Stef. She deserves so much better from this franchise. Carina was never more than a plot device for other characters but she turned out to be a fan favorite and TPTB missed the mark spectacularly.

I’m mad af. Ngl.

They didn't say she was part of the crossover specifically, just that we would see her on Grey's this season. I really am curious for what and why. I really hope it's nothing pointless and there's a good reason for it. You would think she'd be involved in the crossover like Ben to at least show the possibility of both characters going back there after the season is over? Since the showrunners keep saying it all depends on how Station 19 ends. You'd at least want to have the character back on a bit just in case but clearly they're only doing that with Ben.

Why they'd have Theo involved makes zero sense to me. It feels like something they should only be doing if he was going to be on Grey's but...come on. There's no way that can be happening. For what? Of all the characters?

Stefania definitely deserves better and always has. Was a plot device from day one on Grey's and never truly got her own storylines as a character. It's a shame because she's so talented and would be able to do so much.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

I see many people out here talking about Nick and how his story was so relatable to many people with any other sexuality than heterosexuality which is the most accepted one. But take a second and stand with me to appreciate Charlie's growth.

This boy was outed against his will, as far as I understood, and had to endure the very pain of existence. I believe he had many days thinking "if things would be different..." because of all the bullies that made his life miserable. At this time, he was traumatised and was happy some boy understood him or at least had the same sexuality. This person turned out to be Ben and turned into an abusive boyfriend who didn't care. He kept them a secret, like Ben asked but the way I see it, Ben not only kept it a secret from the world but from himself, so Charlie is better off without him.

Charlie learned from a very young age that being yourself gets you nowhere happy. He feels like a nuisance to everyone around him because his friends get bullied as well, all because of him "not being normal". He feels the need to apologize for his feelings, his actions, his sexuality, himself - as if it would make things better.

We see Charlie grow. He gets rid of Ben because he now knows, he deserves better, he can have it better. Not everyone who has the same sexuality is a good person as much as not everyone that you meet is a nice person. As soon as Nick shows up and tells him that spending time with Charlie makes him feel so good and that he shouldn't apologize for the faults of other people, Charlie stops feeling like a loner. He's not an outsider, he's in the Rugby team and has a popular boyfriend. Because sexuality doesn't mean anything.

Charlie's personality was always reduced to his sexuality, so he felt like he should only spend time with others "alike him". But throughout this season, he learns it's not what sexuality is about, it doesn't define your personality and it doesn't define who you're friends with.

[bornforastorm]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 🤍

oh gosh babe thank you. I have only within the past year or so become open about my fic writing and openly proud about it, so this is a nice ask to get 🥰🥰 This was hard to do because if I've posted it, I'm proud of it. So I'm actually basically very proud of everything I've published in the past 5 years, but here are some I'm extra pleased with

For the Birds Philip Marlowe/Terry Lennox, written in 2016!

I'm pretty proud of all my Marlowe fics, honestly, and really am tinkering at Marlowe/Terry fics all the time. Of the published ones, I like this one best. The slightly melancholic nature of it, the hazy romance, Marlowe looking at guys much younger than himself who aren't scared to be in love and opening up himself to try it too... I love writing in that period where Marlowe and Terry are having drinks and nothing has gone wrong yet, and this is one of those + fake relationship stuff (fun trope to write!)

And Back The Mummy 2017, Nick Morton/Chris Vail, written in 2017!

this fandom is small and niche but I (brag) do think I wrote the best fic in it. this movie was full of potential and I had a lot of fun unpacking some of the implications of that world. What if your boyfriend brought you back from the dead and now you're kinda fucked up and weird and he's VERY fucked up and weird but you're all you've got. The concepts.... 🤌🤌

Route 117 The Lost Boys/Stephen King's The Body, what if Ace Merrill was David, written 2017

This is just a concept and execution I'm really proud of, brought to you by Kiefer Sutherland being insane hot in the 80s, and me reading a lot of Stephen King and going... yes this disaffected, horrible boy who needs a dad could become a disaffected, horrible vampire boy with a dad

Crabapple Crabs MASH, Hawkeye/Trapper + Hawkeye/BJ, written 2022!

Undeniably proud of this one. Impossible not to be. My big contribution to MASHblr. This big fic that's really mean to BJ, is deeply HawkTrap Endgame, and is deeply steeped in MASH Goes to Maine. Ben Majorbaby, this one is for you and because of you and you made it better, and I'm very proud of the result. Someday I'll finish the prequel HawkTrap fic and that will be for you completely.

Hey Lover Won't You Treat Me Right Perry Mason/Pete Strickland/Hamilton Burger, written 2023!

It would be wrong not to include my big Perry Mason threeway fic. I do not really feel confident writing smut, so this was a big leap for me and I'm very proud of how it turned out! Perry Mason is everything to me and I am proud to have written the first threeway fic for our little fandom 🙏🙏

[aliengirl99]

INCOMING SEQUEL TO MY HEARTSTOPPER SEASON 1 REVIEW

Did anyone ask for this? No. Am I doing it anyway? Yup.

Let's do this. Spoilers ahead.

So, for character development im so happy with what they did for every character.

Nick's struggles with coming out to loved ones felt real, and exactly as frustrating as it is in real life to try and say what you feel but the words just won't come out.

The way they sprinkled in the moments of Charlie's eating disorder before they fully adress it flowed well, since some shows will create plotlines like that out of nowhere.

Elle and Tao's getting together was a lot more flushed out than it was in the comic, which I'm pretty happy about. It makes the show more about the group of friends than just Nick and Charlie, and it works really well. Tao's haircut is cute, and Elle is gorgeous as always.

I'm also happy that Nick and Tao are much better friends in this season. They both love Charlie so much that them not being friends doesn't feel right.

The storyline of Tara and Darcy not communicating was realistic considering real relationships. Humans are bad at communicating, so it's good to show that not everyone communicates as well as Nick and Charlie do.

Darcy's relationship with her mom is sad, but just as likely as the good parental relationships, like Nick and his mom, or Tao and his. I'm happy that they show how even people who seem happy and confident have darkness in their life.

Also Darcy's mom is a bitch.

Issac's journey with his sexuality makes me so happy as an ace person. Not understanding those things that you're told make you human is hard. I'm glad that they're showing that. People like us need that kind of representation so we can se there's nothing wrong with us.

Tori. Need I say anything? Ya'll already know I love and adore her with all my heart. She is beautiful and amazing. Defending her brother while appearing from nowhere with a drink in hand.

The two gay teachers who's name I can't remember are adorable.

Imogen and Sahar have an interesting relationship that I'm excited to see explored. I'm also happy that Imogen took Nick being bi so well, she seems like a good friend to him.

Fuck Ben. Mildly fuck Harry. Fuck Nick's brother.

Anygay, that was my review of heartstopper season 2.

❤️❤️❤️

[avonne-writes]

Practice Makes Perfect

Pairing: Nick/Charlie

Word count, rating: 1410, T

Summary: Nick is insecure about his kissing skills, so it’s Charlie’s turn to teach him something new.

Link to the AO3 post

It’s a miracle that Charlie hasn’t exploded yet from the shivering bliss he’s been in for minutes now. Who knew that kissing could feel so electrifying? It never did with Ben. Not even the first time. 

He and Nick are supposed to be doing their homework in Nick’s bedroom, but that idea had been discarded before they even got their workbooks out. Alone and without the risk of interruption, there are much better things to do. Like making out in Nick’s bed under a fluffy blue blanket, with their knees pressed together and their hearts racing. It’s the best thing in the world. 

At this point, Charlie can’t even count the kisses anymore. He doesn’t have a lot of experience, but kissing Nick is better than anything he has ever done before. Nick's lips are so soft, never demanding like Ben’s were, and he’s got the tiniest hint of stubble on his chin, which Charlie finds fascinating and way too hot for his sanity. He can’t stop rubbing his thumb over it, but Nick hasn’t picked up on that obsession yet - his fingertips are poised around Charlie’s wrist, stroking Charlie’s skin in barely-there circles. It’s sweet.

And quite a bit maddening. 

The thing is, Charlie knows that not all relationships are the same, but for some reason, he still expected things with Nick to progress like they did with Ben. He assumed that Nick would be needy about it - which he is, just… Not in the same way Ben was. While Ben always wanted to just snog as much as they could, Nick seems to prefer cuddling. He keeps pulling Charlie into his arms, closer and closer, and loves pressing his face to Charlie’s shoulder, content to stay like that and talk about everything and nothing until one of them has to go home. It’s starting to become their thing and they’ve only been going out for a week.

Other than that though, everything they do seems so… restrained, compared to what he did with Ben, and Charlie doesn’t know why. Like the fact that Nick never parts his lips more than a fraction of an inch. Doesn’t he want to go further? It drives Charlie crazy. He can’t go on without doing something about it, he wants more. 

Carefully, so as not to startle Nick, he opens his mouth and lets the tip of his tongue brush the seam of Nick’s lips. 

Nick pulls back with a gasp. “Oh.”

Charlie wilts away on the inside, cringing at how stupid he was. Why would Nick want to do that? He probably thinks it’s disgusting. "Sorry. Too much?"

"No, no." Nick’s voice wavers a little, but he puts a hand on Charlie’s arm to keep him close. His ears are turning red. "I just… I've never… you know.” He clears his throat. “With tongue."

"Oh." Now, Charlie feels like an idiot for a completely different reason. Of course, why didn’t he think of that? Before this whole thing between them started, Nick’s only experience was his kiss with Tara and a few pecks he received during truth or dare. That shouldn't even count. "Well…. Do you want to?"

Nick’s eyes are wide and nervous, but he nods. "Yeah."

"Okay." 

“But I - I don’t know how to.” Nick closes his eyes in mortification. His entire face has turned pink by now, scalding hot blush under his freckles. A few locks of his hair are spread out on his pillow like a flame. "I don't want you to think I'm a bad kisser."

"I won't, I promise." A small smile plays around Charlie’s lips. “I can teach you. You can copy me.”

Nick’s exhale is shaky, but after a moment, he's smiling too. “I’d like that.”

They’re lying close enough that Nick’s smell, that enticing, fresh spiciness of his deodorant and the scent of his body fill Charlie’s senses. He wonders if he smells good to Nick too, if it’s something Nick finds comforting or even desirable. Is that why he wants to hug all the time? Charlie’s too shy to ask. Does Nick find him attractive?

His thumb twitches to stray to that spot on Nick’s chin again, but he moves it to Nick’s cheek instead as he leans closer. He rubs the tips of their noses together. “Just open your mouth if you’re ready.”

He starts the kiss as they usually do. With his lips forming a plush bow, he brushes the curve of Nick’s mouth gently. Lays a lingering peck there, then another. Nick meets him halfway for the second touch, his own lips parted just enough to capture Charlie’s bottom one and press against it in a tentative plea for more. His fingers slide up to Charlie's biceps, only holding him at first, then stroking Charlie's shoulder through his sweater. Then, after a moment's pause, Nick's jaw moves under Charlie's palm and his lips slip open around a shaky sigh. The nervous puffs of his exhales brush Charlie's skin.

Oh my God, Charlie thinks.

It's finally happening! Their first proper French kiss. 

There's no finesse to it, but neither of them seems to mind. There are too many sensations exploding on Charlie's tongue to remember anything about technique. Nick's mouth is warm and welcoming, and he tastes sweet, probably from the huge Cadbury bar he wolfed down after rugby practice. It's so good to feel him like this that Charlie doesn't dare deepen the kiss beyond the first tentative lick until Nick moves to match him, and then it all becomes wet and tingling and wonderful. A tangle of emotions. 

As tenderly as he can manage, Charlie presses closer to explore Nick's mouth, the ridge of his teeth and the velvet-soft touch of his tongue. It's a heady feeling to know that lovely, confident Nick needs Charlie to take the lead in this, to show what's good and what sends quivers down their arms. They lose time in the comfort of it. Again and again, their lips meet with the quiet, damp sounds of a sensual kiss until Charlie gathers the courage to do more, to take it even further than he did with Ben, and he sucks on Nick's tongue.

Nick whimpers.

They both pull back to give each other matching flustered glances.

“Wow.” Nick whispers, lips shiny-slick in the afternoon light. 

“Wow.” Charlie echoes him breathlessly. He moves his hand to Nick's chest, where the frantic rhythm of his heart beats. "You okay?"

Nick stares at him for a moment, then surges forward to capture Charlie's lips once more - except, he miscalculates the force, and in a very enthusiastic and just as painful way, their noses smash together.

"Ow." They both groan. 

As they squint at each other through the pain, a giggle bubbles out of Charlie. He reaches for Nick's right hand and cups it with both of his. He can still feel the sparks fly as he curls and uncurls Nick's fingers, wanting to play with them but feeling a bit scared that Nick will pull away. “Maybe, uhm, go a little slower.”

"Sorry." Nick's quiet laugh has that sweet lilt that reminds Charlie of a purr. “I’ll kiss it better.”

Nick's arms snake around him and cross behind his back, then Nick's lips are on his cheek, peppering kisses all over Charlie's face.

“Nick!” Charlie laughs again and squirms until he gets his palms to rest on Nick's neck. When Nick puts his head on the pillow again, he strokes the fluffy wave of Nick's fringe, pulling the strands into a ray of light to see them glow. “I really like your hair.”

One of Nick's socked feet nudges its way between Charlie's. "I like yours too."

Charlie slips his hand to the back of Nick's head. He watches the light flicker in Nick's warm brown eyes. "So… do you want to practice some more?"

"Yes, of course!" Nick smiles, crooked and sunny as always. "I obviously need it." He glances at Charlie's lips, then back up. "I need to know all the tricks if I want to kiss you breathless one day."

Charlie chuckles. He doesn't tell Nick that he has already done that, just presses his thumb to the spot behind Nick's ear. "Oh, you're going to need a lot of practice to achieve that."

"Yeah?" Nick breathes out. His hand rubs up and down Charlie's back. "I'm lucky to have such a good teacher then."

Charlie smiles. "Close your eyes."

~End~