#and i KNOW i COULD write it all myself but 😩 i am bad at writing

[marengogo]

Are You Sure?! - #3: Jungkook Is My Chef - Jin, 2020

Neva Play - by Megan Thee Stallion feat. RM 

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

Hello sassy Gurls, Bois and Enbys, how y’all do~ing?

Told ya I was gonna use this gif a lot, this is basically me, for real - for real! Hope you are enjoying Neva Play by Megan Thee Stallion feat. RM, and I also hope you get to feel relaxed at some point in your day/week/life, which by the way, I have been feeling for the past 5 days and let me tell you relaxing was a very old feeling I hadn’t felt in such a long-ass time that I am frankly shocked and I am loving it. You know, that feeling where I can finally feel myself completely, talk to those I want to talk when I want to, and go about my day with absolutely no hurry:

Revolutionary! Staycations are where it’s at. If you haven’t tried it, I highly advise it.

Anyways.

Staying at home and only leaving the house for more relaxing activities got me thinking about a lot of things, one of these things being JK & Domesticity. As we all know or not my Twin-flame is not big on travelling, to be precise, he hates walking. He is the type of guy who would rather stay at home and cook you a very exquisite meal accompanied with the perfect drink he is a proper Earth sign he is a Staycation Connoisseur; what did you think he had all those mattresses for?! Duh. Another thing he’s not big on is doing things he doesn’t want to, and/or doesn’t like, add that to travelling and you have the perfect How to Turn-Off JK Package 😬.

But people the members at some point figured out a way to get around this particular aversions of his, being was bribery 😌, which would usually go “If you come with me to X, you’ll get to do Y”. Now, that was for 17 years old JK, who was extremely bad with the aforementioned, but let me tell you about 27 year old JK, you still might have to bribe him to a certain extent, but the acceptance rate is much easier; the growth is 👌🏾. However, you know who actually even doesn’t have to bribe a 27 year old JK? Literally, this person just has to ask? If anything JK has been the one trying to bribe this person for a good year 😬… Yeah! You guessed it, this guy 👇🏾

I don’t want to call my Twin-Flame a simp, cause he can definitely stand on business, but sometimes bro 🙄… 😩… anyways I’ll let him off for today. I’ll let him off because in all honesty, I am very impressed, and somewhat touched, by the level of attention he’s been bestowing JM during each episode, but real talk, he's been at it for years now, particularly when it comes to food, which is one of JK’s biggest loves so big it could compete with JM and also just so happens to be something that JM seems to be … somewhat selective about. 

The first time I clued in on this was during this live:

During this live, JM just so casually informed JK that the champagne they were being served was the only champagne he could drink, and you could literally see JK’s eyes and brain making notes. Not sure why JK had to know that bit of information, but sure, okay 🙄… this was November 2021. Fast forward to October 2022, almost a whole year later, during this live: 

Our Party-Party-Yeah Unit gets together and JK prepares champagne for everyone, except JM, at which Tae tries to make JM drink, which he refuses, and Hobi tries to understand why he is not drinking it, at which JM explains:

JK kept silent the whole while drinking and eating as one does when food is your passion, cause he knew better, in fact, he knew so much better that going back to 2021, during JM’s birthday live in October, even before the “Champagne Live”, he casually gifted JM a bottle of joy and 3 bottles of water of course, because even though JM asked for 1, you never know when you might need more water, you know?! 🤡 (Also, I’ll have you know that, personally, I am team JK Prepared That BD Cake, but as always, to each their own beliefs). 

So let’s keep fast-forwarding. We are now in 2023 and from America to Korea to Japan, Airplane pat.2 style, this is JK:

So my question here is: Does this look like the type of knowledge that a person who rarely sees someone would be in possession of? Imagine getting to seldomly meet someone and all you do is ask them about their dietary requirements, just so you can meet them again briefly and … recite said requirements to them? Not when they have the same inside jokes, the same taste, and, out of all the members, they seem to be very invested in couple-matching clothing like heavily?

Doesn’t it make more sense for this to perhaps be the result of continuous exposure to a certain behaviour/situation? JM often eats spicy things, hence he likes spicy things. JM likes this particular combination of flavours, so I think he will like this kimbap, also this sukiyaki and that ramen, etc etc etc. I’ve cooked so many things with pink sausage for JM, I was way shocked when he said it was ham! … All I am saying is that if JK didn’t budge when Tae couldn’t tell the difference between ham and pink sausage, but was hella shocked when JM couldn’t, he must have his reasons to assume that JM ought to have known. 

Y’all think I’m reaching about JK being very knowledgeable about JM’s nutrition facts? Understandable … but my husband 💅🏾 if you are new to my blog, Jin is my husband 🤡 seems to have thought the same thing as me shocker all the way back in 2020 as shown by this Festa profile that he filled while “pretending” to be JM:

This profile lives rent free in my head, and to this day, I’d like to ask my husband what was the reason? He was able to come up with very abstract, and profound, associations for all the members, except JK, his was very concrete and oddly specific; don’t you think? Cause you know what? If you think about it a little harder, you can be cuties, next-chair-soul-mates, god-like, aegyo-buddies, and best friends at a distance. But a chef? You gotta be physically present to cook and feed someone... and I’ll leave that at that. Very specific I tell you. Very specific.

This was literally all I think he truly wanted: a staycation with JM. 

All JK wanted was to “have a drink with JM”, most likely because he thought he couldn’t ask for more during their busy schedules. BTW, how mad is it to tell your mate that you are going to a whole other country to have a drink with someone? Though he does strike me to be the type of guy who gets you in for one drink and makes you stay for eggs, jussayin’ …

This was supposed to be just one trip. Once again, JK had tried all year to get some alone time with JM, so if one trip was all he got, to make the memories he might have felt he needed to get by in case they didn’t get to enlist together which they didn’t know during they would have during the NY trip: THEN SO BE IT. After all he had settled for a drink, one trip? Now that's luxury!

YET…  

NY - JM was kijul most of the time so, out-of-the-blue-cheese, caretaker was added as a job description. BUT not to fret … they got to go on another trip. Hell yeah!

JEJU - Last minute change: They ended up becoming hosts, which hey, they were great hosts! The guest had fun and the hosts were delighted. Win-win.

SAPPORO - … I wouldn’t be surprised if JK stopped by a trusted shaman before the trip, in order to learn preventive measures 🤡 not all shamans are evil y’all …. 

Winter. Snow. Reminiscing: Perfection 👌🏾. 

I think he would have been ready to Taekwondoo anyone who dared to come between Him and his JM Time. TBH I would have been ready to fight as well, I am his Twin-Flame after all and all I really ever want is for him to have what he wants. ALWAYS. I honestly truly want him to be happy, as much as possible, which, on this Sapporo trip, he seems to be a lot, by the looks of it particularly when all he wants is a drink in good company.

To conclude, the way I am looking forward, but also not, to episode 7 and 8 y’all can’t even begin to understand 🤡. JK’s excitement, romantic spirit, and clinginess levels are off the roof bro, so I’m a bit, on my toes he a simp he a simp he a simp. One thing I will also have to say tho, which I am fairly glad about, is that both JM & JK have finally learned how to be ready for the presence of a camera; kudos to you bros! 🤡

Always respectfully yours 🫰🏾💜,

Marengo.

[jexversea]

okay bad writing and fucked up story aside, i want to see it all from five's perspective. he's lonely, living in apocalypse for years with a manequin, the only love interest he had, he stuck in those ridiculuos timeline and a never ending job to save the world, AND ALSO his family are a total disaster.

i agree, the five lila thing is so fucked up i am screaming myself to die when i see this. but i see five too. i can't help, but feel pity for both of them. being trapped in the subway with each other. one wana take a break from his normal daily life and one just really lonely and need therapist.

i cannot say that they are 'right person in the wrong time' neither 'wrong person in the right time.' they are wrong person in the wrong time. and it sucks, because they know it. in any other universe, they are never meant to be with each other. ever. this is just a situationship. they fall in love because they only have each other and no one else. they grow affection towards each other and think it was love.

BUT NO IT WASN'T. WE ALL KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THAT. love can be platonic, love can be like a family. but five doesn't understand that because he in the middle of a desperation. he can't find a way back home and i believe he already choose to give up that moment when he suggest to live in a green house. he has no remorse because he thought he will get back and thus only have lila and only lila forever. like he always for the past seven years.

he never truly love someone so he get a little lost in between.

AND I GET IT, i am also angry with this plotline and i wish that it could be replace by LITERALLY any other people. but the season is out there and we can't do nothing to change it for the better. it's canon you know. i want to make sense the story even tho it's hard for me to accept this 😩

i love five and seeing him with other person makes me happy. BUT NOT LIKE THIS OH C'MON MAN. they really complicated everything. why on earth when they saw the whole show, they thought in their right mind like "oh yeah the viewers gonna love this, uhhh the drama"

"do you love him?" from diego is my roman empire. i cannot stress that line enough and how lila never answer it.

[arenabreadandbiscuits]

Hmm I'm thinking I'm thinking. Gotta make money one way or another am I right? Anyway, animation commissions?

Animations ain't easy so I'm trying to set prices correctly in a way were people get what they pay for but also where I'm not offering in a way that burns me out over something stupid..

Animations would include well of course the animation and the panels that I'll draw either in comic form or separate parts so you could have them.

Vv🔞NSFW-BELOW🔞vV

I'm open to certain ships ((GIVE ME RADIOSTATIC AND ADAMS APPLE 😩)) but I'm more comfortable doing OCS right now. Things like holding hands, kissing, snuggling, etc and unlike this animation wip:

You'll get: FULL lineart and maybe after I see how colors work on Flipaclip and add those in for now but for now expect something like this.

Actually I'm thinking about it more and maybe coloring it won't be bad but I hate coloring in other cases so I you the Wips and the videos and color I think $100 dollars is fair right?? (Comms are used to help support me as I recover, find more info on that HERE on my writing commissions post. Obviously writing is a bit different from art so that why prices are what they are, prices can not be negotiable here because I don't want to accidentally sell myself short and then burn out knowing good and well I need to make funds somehow 🤦🏾)

Honestly this is a work in progress. I've done writing commissions, art and animation but it's just making sure I set things up correctly so hopefully I don't regret anything later. Like I know I can do it I just need the right customers to find me.

Customers of Value: if you are willing to be patient, checking in with me here and there while also not rushing me (because I'll literally send screenshots whenever you need them as I work on your art. Rushing me literally stressed me out so pls don't ^^')

Hm, I'm thinking of how I can explain this better.

What you will get:

at LEAST ten slides on your animation (pricing varies but not heavily so)

'manga' panels of how the animation is basically formed or came to be. (Four panels each page. 2 pages in total with no extra fees)

Screenshots of work whenever you feel you actually need it

A little writing blurb either of what happened prior to the animation or after it. 2k words minimum.

Bundle Example (reposted my own art lolol):

+ the animation!

(screenshot from a RP I was in but I'm using it as an example of my writing for y'all to see.)

~~~

I think the highest I'd make anyone pay is $150 at a minimum because it feels fair after all that. ^^'

What y'all think? Oh and did I mention I'll even do the lineart for the manga panels? I will.

Examples of my line art (reposted art of mine):

Now we wait 🫡👀

I think I covered everything I need to but I'll make edits if I have to at any point in case I didn't! If you've made it to this part of the post I thank you for reading! ❤️

Payment methods for me, I will only take:

Cashapp

Chime

Venmo

One

Current (but on hold for now because I'm still getting used to current ^^')

[geographerdose]

Moon and appearance, pt. 2

🚨 I am a traditional astrology student and not a certified astrologer. This is for entertainment and my learning purposes only. Please do not copy or plagiarize my work. I’ve been procrastinating for years to get this out of my head, throw me a bone here. 🍖

🌝I learned that moon has an effect on appearance so I figured why not start with the moon-ruled risings? Libra - Pisces

⏰ clockwise by picture in description

cancer rising - libra moon: Vanna White, Joan Bennett, Kate Capshaw, Fergie

🌮they have the cutest noses ever, look at them all slender — I bet they’re a cute button nose from the side, lol. I had to look up Amy Adams to see if she had a Libra moon but she has a Virgo Moon/Gemini Rising so I think air influence helps to give good noses? This is purely hypothetical. (Also maybe Uranus-Ascendant aspects contributing to a **larger,/beefier/wider** nose?? 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ could be earth-water influence only or something too. Like yes Uranus-AC can do that but only on earth-water dominant charts or something)

🌷look how much trust is in those eyes. I feel like they’re looking at a long-term partner/friend or something, and all the secrets shared in such a connection? Idk maybe it’s just me.

🦁Noticeably great hair, similar to Leo 👩‍🦳

🪞Did they like practice getting their eyes open just the perfect amount? Because it seems like they did 😆 of course these are pictures found on GOOGLE so they are going to be objectively “good” ones. Unless you’re Kevin Spacey.

cancer rising- scorpio moon: Lisa Kudrow, Molly Ringwald, Star Jones, Lizzy Caplan

☀️their smiles are underrated, truly great smiles. They feel sincere

👀I feel like these are the types that people gaze and stare at because you kind of get lost in their eyes

🦂Okay hear me out; the noses remind me of the end of a Scorpio tail then have the structure similar to a three-leaf clover ☘️

😩I wish I could write more for them but they’re so mysterious, I just can’t get a read on them! I think it might be because Scorpio falls in my 5th house (next to the subterranean/hidden 4th) so it’s hard for me to *see* them. Similar to how I’m blindsided by Libras in my Cancer Enemies post. I just find myself like gazing off into their pictures wondering what to say. I’m sorry Scorpio moon.

🍵They all have a rounded square jaw shape I noticed

👀 remember how I said Virgo moon had the biggest eyes of cancer rising? I’m gonna have to give that to Scorpio moon here, followed by Sag moon, then Pisces moon then Cap moon

cancer rising - sagittarius moon: Anne Archer, Marcia Gay Harden, Judy Garland, Adele

🪷Looking at them makes ME want to smile, that Jupiter expansive energy introduced with the moon

🌩 also I get this strong feeling like I would not want to disappoint these folks. Like they’re so easygoing but could get scary really quick. Fiery energy baby.

👃Very prominent nose bridges and nostrils. Okay I know that sounds like it would be bad but CLEARLY it is not. They have beautiful noses, dare I even say regal? So much structure and power between that and the stronger eyebrows. [side note: Sandy Cohen (The OC, 2005) has Sag+Aries influence 100% —> that mf has the strongest eyebrows and nose I’ve ever seen]

📈You know how the symbol for Jupiter starts as a soft curve up then downward before the SHARP and straight line across? Before another vertical straight line intersects it to complete? Well… their faces are kind of sharp like that like but still soft, especially with the moon influence. It’s quite striking actually. Gorgeous bone structure but different than a Cap rising… wider. Which makes sense: Jupiter expands, Saturn restricts. I don’t mean wide in a bad way, obviously every single one of these women is gorgeous and still have fairly more narrow and petite faces still but somehow the features are spread wider, if that makes sense

👀 Big, beautiful eyes “yes the better to see you with!” 🐺🧣from Red Riding HOOD. that’s not from wizard of oz but I always got a red riding hood vibe from Judy Garland. Idk why but that wolf disguised as an old lady that says that and eventually says “the better to eat you with!” 🫣 came through. Idk I think it’s because Saggs have this reputation for being savage 🥊 but also my point being: they have big, clear bright gorgeous eyes

cancer rising - capricorn moon: Cher, Liv Tyler, Claudia Pandolfi, Kate Hudson

🐐 the cap moon bringing in a bit of that infamous **cap rising bone structure **💋

🍗I feel like somehow this opposition with the moon being in its detriment in Capricorn and opposing the ascendant makes them✨ shine extra bright ✨

🍾They seem SO FUN. Like I just wanna go and party with them and I already trust them.

👃Okay these guys have prominent nose *sides*. Please share the technical term if you know if. Their noses kind of come to a point, similar to the Capricorn symbol ♑️ right? I love it. So much structure too and it’s a wider nose but it’s not like a big box. Just fking great noses, man.

🪞Bro their eyebrows are **on point**

🎢I know the other Cancer risings out there probably find themselves lingering on these ones? Because Capricorn falls in the seventh house and I read somewhere that you can stare at that rising sign forever. It is how I know when someone has Cap influence because I will find myself struggling to break my gaze from their beauty.

“…Like Christian, he always wants things beautiful and interesting.”

-Clueless, 1995.🚗🎾🏂

cancer rising - aquarius moon: Joan Allen, Teal Swan, Victoria Beckham, Cheryl Tiegs

🍵There’s this *dryness* to their look with the fixed air influence but it enhances that luminous matte “moon” glow

🤺Their eyes are smaller and more intense; they feel judgmental or something about them makes me feel challenged? Probably the Uranus influence.

🪴fixed moon gazes though, amirite? It’s like a panic thing: you look at them directly for too long and start to panic. This is exciting and endearing.

👄their smiles are so small and 3/4 are not showing teeth. I don’t think they smile that often. It’s the Saturn influence that makes them more restricted and tight-lipped.

👃 also have the cute button nose but less of a defined bridge as the Libra moon. It’s more smushed but obviously not like wide smushed just not as structured as Libra moon. Just so tiny and like petite. (Jealous, lol)

cancer rising - pisces moon: Cindy Crawford, Joni Mitchell, Sally Kellerman, Rachel Maddow

🧞‍♀️Ok do you know that made-cringey-due-to-being-overplayed song by Staind, So Far Away? I hear this song when looking at the cancer-rising / pisces moons because they don’t seem to be “here”. Off in the distance, as you might expect from a 🏳️‍⚧️ Neptune-ruled moon

🤧I think the cancer rising stereotype of looking like they just got done crying stemmed from Pisces moons

🥭It’s easier to look away when they aren’t looking at you, anyone else feel this vibe? It’s like the eyes hook you, and once you start staring, you can’t stop.

🤔there’s something intriguing about them and mysterious — I want to know more. I want to know what they know, what do they know? 🐴 Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities: What Do They Know? Do They Know Things?? Let's Find Out!🐴

👃 less structured noses of them all, which makes sense with Pisces being mutable water. There is zero structure to mutable water, only their inner core of values+beliefs. Same with their nose…. ☁️ except Im not sure what the inner core of a nose might be. I was going to say fantasies, then I thought emotions, then I got emo and thought **the emotions of the entire world they carry**

🐠wtf istg their noses look like the Pisces symbol ♓️ I can’t even make this sht up. Just look at how the *sides* sort of curve outward like that. Each nose is unique in the size, shape and how structured it is which I find very cool

🌈ALSO I think these are the types whose nose seems to change shape and appearance depending on the lighting, etc. maybe even their mood I swear haha idk I am super biased because I have this placement and I have always had problems with my nose so I’m lowkey trying to show myself some compassion and love here because I don’t want the other Pisces moons to feel bad about their noses. I love all their noses. And I think they should all take comfort in have unique noses because that means mine isn’t a great representation. Like we wouldn’t advertise John Wilkes Booth as the average American, would we?

[alwida10]

have you seen the new loki spoilers? I don't know if you want to be spoiled (let me know and I'll link you) but according to them they're doubling down on everything we disliked in season 1. More Sylvie, more Larry pining, more romance. Sighs

I don’t think I have seen the spoilers, but I would love a link! It’s very considerate of you asking for consent before sending the link. Thank you.

I’m including a cut since I’ll mention some older spoilers for season 2 underneath.

That said, after I finally made myself watch the trailer I got exactly the same feeling. For me it looked very much like this season is focused on Sylvie’s character arc, which by itself isn’t a bad thing. (I just wished they would leave Loki out of it, so I could skip it without second thought.) Despite me not being interested in Sylvie, from a story-telling perspective I agree that she deserves more screen time to get a fulfilling character arc. I just dislike the message that anyone, be it women or men, would need a relationship to become better or whole. Amatonormativity is fucked up, especially for a character so many othered people identify with because he doesn’t adhere to the traditional Christian values. Values that teach you aren’t successful if you don’t have a job, a house a wife and children. Loki should be chaotic. Hell, Sylvie should be chaotic. Arguing they both need anyone to be complete is a disservice for all those who struggle to keep a deeper relationship for whatever reasons. That doesn’t make one lesser.

I think one of the earliest spoilers I heard were about an older version of Sylvie who allegedly led the TVA, implying she went dark side. This trope is often used to give a younger hero (or in this case variant) the chance to “do better”. In the trailer, Loki and Sylvie cast this massive green wave of magic while holding hands. This is most likely about them being strong together and incapable alone. (subtitle, isn’t it?) so, yeah, I expect this season to hammer down the message that their relationship is the only thing that could save the multiverse, while the lack of it would make them both die or become irredeemable villains with a sledgehammer.

Sadly, I can both see and understand all that and still am unable to let go of my Loki-obsession for good. Perhaps I should write a fan letter to Dante, proposing this concept for another circle of hell. Given the fact the divine comedy is basically a self-insert fanfic where he imagines meeting all the people who admires I think it should meet the premises. 😩

Ok, this got long for a simple “yes please”. 🙈 sorry!! So, yes please! Give me all the discouraging spoilers! Kill my hope! I beg you!! 😭

[back2bluesidex]

Hi Nika 🫂

I'm happy you liked my review! When I first saw that you posted Slide I was like "oh this looks interesting" and then I saw people said it was angsty/sad and I was kinda in a bad emotional state at the time, so I couldn't read it right away 🥺 but I'm better now, and I'm so happy that I read it ✨

I feel like angst is sometimes hard to read, but it's because it often gives me the feels and all the spectrum of emotions, and sometimes, I'm just touched out with emotion. But I adore these stories where I feel a lot, and it's a bit excruciating and then there's a resolution with either a sad or happy ending. I can't wait to see which direction you take Slide in, and it's okay to not know yourself 😂 (even though I'm generally a 'planner' story wise, I wish I had this more easygoing approach to it!)

I can not wait to undercover the pain, and the hurt 😭 because it sure is a mess that I can't see how they can get something good out off 😩 but we'll see what happens!

And please, you're just as talented as me if not more ✨

Love you 💜

I wish you the most amazing and awesome day/night ✨ ���

Lissa,

Lemme come to it one by one.

It's completely okay that you had to take your time before reading Slide. and I am relived that you didn't read it when you weren't feeling well because the story itself is very heavy in themes and it would have made you feel worse - which I could never forgive myself for.

and yes. you are so right. Angst is certainly hard to read at times. but you know what? I am weird and a masochist. I drown myself in angst when I should be reading feel-good fics. I always try to hurt myself more and more when I need to feel happy in reality. (even right now, I'm not feeling too well but I am opening and closing fics on Ao3 because whatever I am trying to read is coming out as fluffy 😭).

For Slide, I have a vague idea of where I want to lead the story but I haven't planned anything concrete just yet. I am not a planner when it comes to writing. I write whatever I am feeling, whatever my fingers end up typing. and when it's angst... I don't even think much since it's just pain and I have a shit ton of experience lmao!

Thank you for your review and for this ask. You are an incredibly kind human being and one of the best moots I have met in this platform. Hope you get better with time. Hope you, too, have a great day/night.

take love,

Nika ✨

[yandere-yearnings]

Waiittt Dar appreciation timeee

so it turns out I’m a suuuper shy reader, I don’t really interact with people because I’m honestly the worst at getting things out and overcoming my shyness, like I mean I type something out and if I make a single typo I’m already contemplating whether or not to delete my whole account 😩

but your blog and you overall radiate such nice vibes!! You are an amazing amazing sweet person, I get super happy whenever I get a notification and I’m being real but I RUN to my phone to see your post, I have no shame in admitting I read your posts over and over again because I love YOU and YOUR work so freaking much, I’m literally kicking my legs while writing this, in my humble opinion you deserve everything positive coming your way, it makes me feel sad seeing YOU sad, you are such a pretty pretty beautiful breathtaking person, I along with many many others appreciate you, so never doubt your abilities, because if you were as bad as you think you are there wouldn’t be so many people loving on you and reading your work,

thank you dar for being so kind and giving to us, I love youuu 🫶🏼🫶🏼

I'M ACTUALLY CRYING?? 😭😭😭 this is literally the sweetest thing and i think it's just taken away all the heaviness in my heart, i genuinely am on the verge of tears like,, i can't thank you enough for this, really.

you're so valid, i totally get where you're coming from!! granted, i don't read a lot bc i'm dyslexic, but that feeling of a single typo making you rethink everything is so familiar to me, i get it completely😩💔 i'm a really introverted person, so it takes a lot out of me to interact with others and while it isn't the exact same as being shy, i think i can understand how difficult it probably is for you and it just means so much to me that despite that, i'm still privileged to the sweetest asks from you. they always, always make my day and i'm so grateful that you feel comfy enough to share your thoughts with me, thank you so much🥺💕

i'm so happy to hear you get good vibes from me and my blog?? literally you've got me blushing rn, the fact that you even have notifs on for me to begin w/ is so flattering, i'm so flattered😭 it's the same for me bc whenever your user pops up i open tumblr so fast, you're always making me smile🥺🩷 a moment of honesty from me but i really hate my writing so i don't have a habit of rereading my posts, the fact that they're decent enough that you come back to them just gives me so many positive emotions i wouldn't be able to describe😩💕 i love you too, i feel like i don't say it enough but i appreciate you sm❗️❗️and you're absolutely adorable, thank you for saying that😭 i'm kicking my feet right alongside you, wishing you always, always stay happy and that everything good in this world comes to you🥰

after all this, i don't think i can be sad anymore, honestly. haven't felt this way in so long and i really owe it to you, so pls don't be sad bc that's the last thing i'd want🥺 thank you for your sweet words, when i say that i could describe you in exactly the same way, i really mean it. a beautiful person w/ a beautiful heart and i feel so insanely lucky to be able to be around for it all🤧 i appreciate you and everyone else as well, i wouldn't be doing this had it not been for all the kindness and compassion you've all been showing me, it truly is everything😌💕

thank you for being even kinder and for taking the time out of your day to send me this, i really suck at expressing myself so you'll never know, but it's really done so much for me🥺🩷 thank you for always receiving so kindly, and know i love you even more❤️

[marnz]

some thoughts about life right now;

i've been on a really intense project since late July and let me tell you, i am tired! i'm one of the few people at my job that specialize in this type of work--we are excited to train more--but for now i am just hanging out here preparing to trade one high pressure project for another for the foreseeable future. which ultimately is fine! even though it can be stressful, I would rather be doing this type of work, which is interesting and super fulfilling and matters a lot to me, than other types of work, which do not feel fulfilling and are actually pretty boring.

it's a little confusing to find myself here because last year i went on medical leave for mental health reasons and prior to that i was doing a very different kind of work, and when i came back in january they started me off with this new kind of work (which i do prefer) with basically no training from my supervisor. which is fine, i am comfortable learning on the fly and/or teaching myself, and i have both a lot of experience doing this and a lot of experience in Complex Projects, albeit in a different practice area. then i moved onto this project in late july. so like again very little training in this specific type of work but i assure you, nothing is as stressful as my last job was. and i do love this project! even though it's stressful! i've since learned that this is just going to be my specialty! which like...i am happy with the outcome but i feel like i sort of tripped and fell into it in the least expected way possible.

while thinking about it, i think i thought i'd only make it to this kind of work, this kind of project, by working hard--and i had a specific idea of what working hard looked like, what striving looked like. but i have been working hard for the last year or so, healing, learning, growing, recovering, all of it. and that is hard work. and by taking time to tend to myself, and grow and change and learn and heal, i became ready for this kind of stressful work. and that's not the narrative we have around this. culturally we have a narrative of self sacrifice and unpaid overtime and being really fucking type A and having unhealthy work/life balance, but as soon as I stepped away and said actually, i've had enough, i will not burn my life out for you, i started down a road that led me to doing the type of work i want to do in a healthier and more prepared way. and that's fucking awesome!

for now i am just trying to make it to the end of this project in mid october. which means coping skills, baby! wish i could write but i don't have capacity for it rn, and that's fine. so my priorities are: maintenance days (cleaning/chores). reading. knitting. baking. yoga. hiking. i want to make life as easy and cozy for myself as possible right now.

i haven't knit for several months and I'm thinking of trying my first sweater--this gorgeous sweater called Mountain Mist. however i've never done colorwork before so the pattern suggests doing the same colorwork in a swatch hat (here) to practice. i am SO HYPE!!! this pattern is also admittedly deeply my aesthetic. i showed it to my partner and he laughed bc it's so typically me lol. i also checked out the first book in Tana French's Dublin Murders series on audiobook to listen too while knitting. spooky season means murder mysteries. 🥰

also my work office is being remodeled so i will be working from home for the next 6ish months, and we're preparing to overhaul my little work corner in our house so it is better/more ergonomic/has more storage/is cuter. also i am going to get a standing desk for my poor knees 😵‍💫 recently worked from 8:30 to 9:30 and my knees hurt sooooo bad 😩

it's nice to know that a year ago i wouldn't have been able to handle this project or really know how to slow down and prioritize self care and after a ton of hard work on my mental health i'm now i'm like, well, it is a bit stressful but we got this. progress 😌💖

[lyon-amore]

What if…? Duskwood Chapter 16

Chapter 15 ————————————————————————————-  

*Macie POV*

 While I'm working, I get notification from the group. Dan has returned. I'm so happy when I see him, even though I'm mad at him for taking the car while he was drunk. If he could write, then he was perfect. Well, inside what it means to be perfect.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Lilly Were you really drinking? Dan That wasn’t even worth mentioning Jessie 😠 Dan For real it was barely anyhing Macie You were completely wasted Lilly And how exactly do you happen to know that? Were you at the Black Swan with him? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I control myself not to yell at the screen. Seriously, what's Lilly's problem with me? Right now I haven't said anything that seems suspicious, why does she hate me so much?

 I frown, annoyed. Do she always have to make my days bitter? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie No, we were chatting Dan I love being the center of attention in your argument but I need some sleep. My head feels like it’s gonna explode Lilly Hold up Dan Dan Oh yeah, the vote ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 << Really, Lilly? Dan just woke up and that's the first thing on your mind?>> I would make me bite my phone if it weren't for the fact that I would seem crazy, how can she do this to him? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie I totally forgot about this vote Dan My vote is always the deciding factor 👌 Mmmmmmh Mh Mh Mh… Richy 😩 Dan Macie stays Jessy 🙂 Macie Haha too bad for you Lilly Lilly Dan, fid you read the entire chat? Dan Of course Lilly Then why are you voting against me? Dan I really don't need the drama right now. I am going to explain it to you once I slept ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I watch as Lilly disconnects and I laugh.    "That's what you get for being childish." I say, looking at my phone.    "Who is childish?" Aiden asks me.    "Nobody important." I stretch out in the chair, with a smile "How good it feels when things go well!"    "I'm glad to see you happy."    "You know? I feel that from now on everything can go well." I continue writing a few last words in the chat when Thomas connects and I continue with Aiden ", I think today is the big day, I feel it."    "I can feel it too," he says with a laugh, "I think tomorrow will be my lucky day."     Ah yes, tomorrow is the anniversary. I still don't know what to do, with all this research and the fact that I don't really feel like going to the party —and even less with Aiden—, I haven't even had time to choose a dress, would it be bad if I chose one that I already had instead to buy a new one? It's not like I have to buy one, I'm still saving for the one I saw.

 Wow... Truly, my life was much more boring than before now that I'm back in action. I barely remembered all the things I did before the whole Hannah thing. The only problem is that years ago I didn't have as many responsibilities as I do now.    "By the way, why does Lian look so happy?"    "From what she has told me, Brian arrived last night, he brought up the day of his arrival so he could spend more time with her," I answered, watching from a distance how Lian emanates that aura of love everywhere. They rarely see each other, Brian's job keeps him busy all the time.    "I hope they catch that guy as soon as possible so that she's happy then." He looks at Lian, who doesn't stop sending messages on the phone. "It's better when she's like this than when she's bossy and gossiping."    "Yeah." I laugh, happy to see my friend happy.     I remember when she said that she had dinner with him and that I was invited, but I think something happened because she didn't mention it again. Poor Brian, the guy they're looking for is really giving him a headache, he must be pretty good at running from the authorities.    << Paranoid, worried, he doesn't say anything about himself, attentive to the computer... It would be too much of a coincidence, right? >>     I try to push that thought away. It is not good for me to talk about this and my suspicions…    "Well, I'm going to get ready, I have to do a live show soon." Aiden moves away a bit "Will you let me know then?"    "Yeah, I'll see what I have tomorrow." I replied, putting on a fake smile.As he walks away, I get a text from Jake. Was he listening or did he just happen to talk to me after Aiden left?

As he walks away, I get a text from Jake. Was he listening or did he just happen to talk to me after Aiden left?

I go to the bathroom to write to him, locking myself in a cubicle. Every time I feel that everyone is aware of what I do with my phone. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Jake I came across something really interesting. Macie Perfect! I already wanted to know about some new clue! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I’m very curious to know what the doctor has in store for us. I hope that clears up this mystery a bit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie You haven't heard anything through the microphone by any chance, have you Jake I'm a hacker investigating a kidnapping. Not your private life. You don't have to worry about it. Macie That is a yes to what can be done? 🤔 Jake Hmm… I will leave that to your intuition, Detective Connors. ;) Macie Omg! You've done it! Jake Haha. No, not really, don't worry. But I did read the group chat. It's a good thing Dan decided you should stay. Macie Would you make another appearance if he votes against me? Jake No, I think they've learned the rest of the lesson by now. Macie It would have been great Jake Do not get used. Macie Not even a small apparition? 🥺 Jake … I guess so, just to be sure. Macie 🤭 Jake Well, enough talking, I'm entertaining you and it's not your break time yet. Macie Should I be honored that you know my schedule or scared that maybe I'm talking to a personal stalker? Jake I already told you: I pay attention to everything you do. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Is just me or is the temperature starting to rise? I just remembered how he looked at me when he told me. I can tell, but he's holding back for some reason. It's what hurts me the most, because it seems that he still doesn't trust me even though he said yes. I take a breath reading his words. I have to relax or when I get out of here, everyone will think badly of me. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Macie That's not an exact answer Jake I think it says it all. See you later. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    “ ’I think it says it all’?“ I don't know whether to laugh sarcastically, feel happy to read them or it's just what he does, pay attention to everything I do just because I'm investigating.     God Jake…Give me a reason so I don't think you're playing with my feelings to find Hannah, I'm only asking for that, then I'll continue to help you, but don't make me feel like I'm just a means to find her like the rest of the group. 

I leave the cubicle after flushing, in case someone is there. I also don't want them to think badly of me. I could reach the floor with my eyes closed or to make it more secure, with a blindfold. My feet are already alone. Before entering, I see the cats standing in the street and I can't help but greet them.    "You're here again, Salem and Mary." I nuzzle the black and gray and watch a white one approach. "You are new, right?" I ask when I take her in my arms "What do you think of 'Angela'? Because you look like a little angel." The cat meows and I leave her on the ground.     I notice that they have a couple of plates with food and water and I look up. Could it have been Jake who left it here?    "At least you're well taken care of." I tell them before entering the building. 

I was going to knock but Jake opens the door for me again. I see that he has a smile.    “Entertaining with the cats?” he asks me, letting me pass.    "I couldn't help it, it's a good distraction trap" I commented, going through the same ritual each time I entered. ". Besides, there's a new cat, I was curious about her."    "You mean Leia?"    "'Leia'?" I arch an eyebrow, confused "Did you name her?     He looked to the other side, embarrassed.    "I remembered that you called the other two Salem and Mary" he answers awkwardly, ",I thought it wasn't bad that the cat also had one..."      I let out a small laugh. Leia. All right. So I won't call her Angela. I really likes to see when he gets nervous, he is adorable, charming… And he is good with animals. I'm sure that if he left them that food, it's because they didn't stop meowing.    “Okay, I'm ready to see what we have to see.” I say, placing my hands on my hips, almost in a heroic pose.    “Rather, we have to listen.”     Jake walks over to the computer and I sit in my chair. This time I want to be focused, this clue is something important, Hannah may have told Dr. Ulric something that can help us.

 I tuck my hair behind my ears, like I want to have a good hearing of what I'm going to hear even if I don't have to. They are a thing that I have since I helped my father that I thought were not going to return. Jake clicks his mouse on it and the audio plays.    "What would you like to talk about today, Hannah?" It's the doctor's voice. He sounds curious, as if Hannah had told him something earlier to come together for this conversation "Hannah, are you listening?"    "Yes, I'm sorry, Dr. Barrett..." It's the first time I've heard Hannah's voice.     I look at Jake to see his reaction. I can see him worried, rubbing his hands a lot impatiently. I put my hand close to his to try to calm him down. I smile at him pronouncing the word calm with my lips and he nods, lowering his hands to leave them on the table. But when I go to pull my hand away, he takes it, like he needs support. He squeezed it lovingly, continuing to listen to the audio.    “No need to apologize, Hannah. We have all the time in the world,” he advises. "I just make to be sure that you are with me."     That makes me think that she must have been absent that day, immersed in her thoughts. The next thing we hear makes us look at each other at Hannah's words.    "I been follow."    "You let told me something similar last time."     I feel Jake's hand tighten around me. Although he doesn't show it, I see that he is angry. How long would he be following her? The doctor said that she had already told him, why didn't he do anything?    "But this time it's different," Hannah defends herself. "I… I… I just know it. "     I listen carefully to Hannah's voice. She seems nervous. Well, I can't blame her, although I wonder what the difference between then and now is.    "Does this have something to do with your past? " Past? "Is this person watching you. This stranger... In any way connected to what happen that day in the forest? "     I pay attention to every detail I hear. So according to the kidnapper, it's true, everything he show us is about something related to the forest. Hannah sighs before continuing.    "I know you don't believe me."    "I never said that."     << She already told you once… >>    “He was standing right there in the forest, watching us,” Hannah recounts. I still haven't let go of Jake's hand. ”I wasn't sure then, but I am today.”     Isn't she referring to The Man Without a Face? I mean… He's a legend, so he must be the one behind Hannah's disappearance.    "I think it would be a good idea if you tell me what happened back then in the forest." Barret asks.    "I have ready told you a hundred times." Hannah's voice sounds tired here, like she's sick of saying the same thing all the time. There doesn't seem to be any new detail, maybe?    "But maybe you are going to tell me the story differently today" from the doctor's words, I think they haven't made any progress in that story, maybe there's something Hannah keeps to herself? ”Hannah, you guys were children-”    "Jennifer was the same age as I am today." Hearing those words, the image of a cold Hannah appears in my head, compared to the photo I had found of her, smiling. A Hannah who had been through something difficult, but she smiled. Only maybe it wasn't a real smile. She was hiding her suffering "did you know that?"    "I think we should take a little break." Barret answers nervously.     The audio ends and I notice Jake lost in thought of him after the audio. I bite my lip, thinking of what to say so he'll relax first. When he gets tense, he completely changes and shuts down. I need him calm.    "You were able to find something too for a change." I tell him, trying to find some relaxation before starting work.     Jake looks at me confused.    "That isn’t the first time that I am finding something?" He asks me as he looks at me with a frown.    "Either way, you haven’t found your sense of humor yet." I teased, with a mischievous smile. His serious expression doesn't change. "Do you know what having fun looks like?"    "At least I've heard of it." To my surprise, he sticks his tongue out at me.     I answer him doing the same and he laughs. 

I hear him let out a more relaxed sigh and until now I haven't realized that we were still holding hands. We separate our hands and both focus.     "Enough funny business," he clears his throat, settling back in his chair. "Can we talk about the voice recording?"     “Sure.” I reply, feeling much better to see Jake calm down.     "Wait, I'm going to send it to you so you can keep it in your files." He moves the mouse quickly and I immediately receive the audio. Perfect because I'd like to get to hear it later in case we find out anything regarding the details. "Okay, let's get started: Hannah was being stalked. "     "And she had told the doctor about it once before." I remember from the beginning, how angry he made me feel.     "That's true." Jake stands up at the same time as me, to point on the board. "I think it’s safe that this stalker later turned into her kidnapper."     "That seems likely. The doctor didn’t seem to believe her."      I glance at Jake, who seems upset with what he said. I also imagine that he didn’t like his words.     "Yes, even if he didn't specifically admit it." I look down at his hand, which he squeezes tightly again. "Hannah was sure, that he didn't believe her that she was being stalked" I can see how worried he is about Hannah. This time I put my feelings aside, we have something important on our hands to be jealous of Hannah now. "The doctor asked her, if the stalker had something to do with the incident back then" while he is narrating, I write down everything under Hannah's photo "Do you still remember her diary find from Hannah's cloud?"     "Sure I remember."     "Very good." He stands next to me and crosses his arms. "One of the things we found out that Hannah was visiting a family and that she had feelings of guilt towards that family."      I remember the note. She had gone to talk to a woman named Iris, for something we don't know yet.     "You think that there is a connection there?" I ask, suspecting the same thing.     "Yes." I see him squeeze his arm. I thought that he would be fine. It's proving too hard for him. "It appears that in both cases the incident was weighing very heavy on Hannah’s mind.” I notice hardness in his tone of voice when he says the word 'heavy'. "To the point, where she felt that she had to talk to a psychiatrist, who, as we found out some time ago, prescribed her antidepressants."     "This incident is the same."     "Exactly." He looks at me and although I try to hide it, I see too many emotions in him. Analyzing gives me a headache, there are too many things that I can't follow" What else did we find out?"

     I put my hand to my head, remembering everything I've heard.    “Hannah was still a child during the first” I says, looking at him determinedly. ”The doctor is even referring to children.”    "Really?" It seems that at some point Jake must have been thinking of something else when he heard the audio. "Hold on." He quickly goes to the computer and plays the audio, moving forward until he hears Ulric's words. "You are right! So there was at least one other child.” He looks up from the computer, looking at me. "I hadn't noticed me."    "Where would you be without me?" I ask with a smile.    "Definitely not as far as I am now." he incorporates, approaching again.    "Do you want to listen to the voice recording one more time?"    "No, that’s not necessary. But thank you."     I'm sure the distraction was listening to Hannah tell her story. Maybe she never told him any of this.    "Maybe we can find out who the other child was."    "That would be very good." He scratches the back of his neck, looking at the whiteboard. "However, currently I can’t think of a way to make that happen."    "I could ask the others?" I suggest." Maybe it was one of them."    “No, it would only lead to unnecessary questions."    “You're right."     They would want to know how we discovered this information and maybe Lilly would accuse us even more, which wouldn't be good for us. Enough with her stupid voting.    "Give me a little time, okay? I'll try to think of another way that we shouldn't directly involve others" He sounds a little stressed. We've gotten too much information today. "Ok, back to the voice recording. Again it is the forest is playing a primary role" I point it under Hannah, threading it with the video of the kidnapper "Have you noticed?"    "Yes, of course. "    "And that's also where Hannah’s stalker first appeared." Again, I erase and point as he talks. "In the end Hannah suddenly mentions someone with the name of Jennifer."     I put Jennifer's name under Iris's, on the side of people we don't have information on yet.    “She is definitely not the second child” I say, remembering the audio. ". According to Hannah she was already an adult back. "    “You paid good attention."     We move away from the whiteboard, reading all the information we have so far. I think we've gotten too much information out today for future clues.    “Macie?” Hearing his broken voice calling my name makes my soul break into thousands of little pieces. I had never heard that tone of voice from him before. "Do you think that Hannah did something terrible?"     I try to remember everything we have collected. To my point of view, it’s seemed like she felt guilty.    "I am afraid so, yes" I reply, but in a whisper.     I feel Jake's hand reaching for mine, holding it tight. I feel that he seeks support. I'm the only one who can give it to him. I accept his hand and try to calm him down, tracing circles on his back with my thumb. Or I try, because his hand is bigger than mine, I almost didn't get to do it.    "At least we have a name now." I answered, a little tired from all we've accomplished.     The truth is that after obtaining this information I don't feel like going back to work. I want to be able to reanalyze all the information and stay a little longer.    "Yes." Slowly, he walks away from me, already calmer. "You can relax a little bit. I have asked a lot of you recently. "     I keep looking at him. He should rest. Whenever I look at him he seems much more tired than before. I don't think he should worry about me, but about himself.    "When did you last sleep?" I ask, approaching him with concern.     I hear him let out a slack laugh.    "Last fall?" He answers looking into my eyes. He seems to be joking, but he is serious.     Since we've now stopped talking about the research, my brain goes back into relaxation mode.

I still feel the warmth of his in my hand. We are too close. So close that I hope he can't hear my heart beating so fast.    "Hey Jake..."     I don't realize my voice sounds sad. The thought of him leaving as soon as he finds Hannah terrifies me.    "Yes Macie?" Jake's voice is soft, calm. He must have noticed.      I takes his hand and he corresponds. We intertwine our fingers and my whole body trembles.    "I…" I moisten my lips, they're dry from nerves, "I don't want you to go." I finally admit, almost begging him.     I see how he starts to blush. I see him restless, trying to figure out what to say. I bring my free hand to his face, finally daring to touch it. This time he doesn't pull me away from him, but he does look at me with desire.    "What are you afraid of?" I ask him and I see that he doubts.     He takes his free hand to mine, caressing it lovingly. We both have high body temperatures, and the silence in the room makes it easier to hear our breathing.    “Jake, I really meant it” I start to say, not hiding “, I like you."     In his green eyes I see a bit of hope that I didn't see before.    <<Please tell me something, anything.>>     Jake sighs, relaxing his shoulders.    “Do you think I don’t feel the same?" Hearing him say those words, my body trembles more. Good thing he has me holding my hands, because I would drop myself right now. "Before you leave, I just want to hold you and stay with me." I slowly lean back as he walks towards me, until I touch my back against the wall. It's as if he knew I was going to fall, is it so noticeable that I'm shaking? ". Throughout the day I think about you a lot more than I would like, reproducing all yours smiles in my head despite all the times I have treated you coldly, you keep smiling at me. I open up to you, even though I usually never give anyone any information about myself.” He leans his forehead against mine. It's hot. "My behavior towards you just doesn’t make any sense."    "It doesn't have to make sense if it feels right." It's hard for me to speak after his words.     Jake finally manages to touch my face, caressing me gently. I closed my eyes as I felt his skin against mine. He even goes so far as to brush his thumb across my lips. 

By the time I feel his lips close to mine, he jerks away letting out a throaty growl. He turns his back to me leaning on the table. I approach him wanting to put a hand on his shoulder.    "But it isn’t right!" He yells and I get scared, throwing myself back "And it's dangerous" he turns and I see his eyes red, tired ", for me just much as for you."    "You can't decide if it's dangerous when I can't say in my decision!" I scream too, but not angry, just confused "Tell me and maybe we can solve it" I approach him placing my hands on his face, caressing him carefully ". Together."     Jake runs his tongue over his lips, hesitating. He takes my hands and lowers them, then takes my things and puts them in my arms.    "That's the problem, I don't want you to end up suffering because of me." He pushes me towards the door and opens it. "I am sorry Macie."     He pulls me off the floor and I start to cry.    "Jake," I knock on the door, waiting for him to open. "Jake please, tell me what it is, I'm not going to judge you." I call again louder "Jake! I just want to help you! Please open me!"     I've seen it in his eyes when he kicked me out: fear, despair, tiredness... And above all, worry.    "Why don't you trust me?" I don't want to believe that I'm still talking to a door, I want to believe that he's listening to me.     This is not going to work is it? No matter how much I beg him, he won't come out. 

I turn around, wiping away tears.

It really hurts not to understand the reason for his behavior. I want to understand him. Knowing what is so dangerous that we are not together. But he hasn't even let me decide if it would really be dangerous for me or not. 

I go downstairs while putting on my sweatshirt. Shit… I have to get back to work now… And like this…    "Dangerous..." I pronounce in a low voice "It's dangerous..."     It is then when I stop crying and let the anger flood me. What is dangerous? Why? Why does he say it? He hasn't let me know the truth! How will I know that he is dangerous?! Even though I still like him—much to my chagrin—I can't help feeling angry now. I pick up my phone and instead of texting to avoid Jake seeing it, I make a phone call. He picks it up on the second ring.    "Hey Aiden, can we talk about the party tomorrow when I get to work?" *Jake POV* 

I hear Macie from behind the door, crying and pleading. I control myself for not opening it and apologize. I have to at least make her hate me so that she only thinks that the only thing that matters in our relationship is Hannah's investigation.    "Why don't you trust me?" I hear her say, still crying.     I do trust you Macie, I really do. And it is precisely for this reason that I am taking you away from me, so that the same thing that happened to me does not happen to you. So you don't run my same fate so unfortunate. Because if something happens to you, then I couldn't forgive myself for getting you into my troubles. 

As soon as I hear her walk away, I can finally let the anger I feel out of me.    “SHIT!” I slam my chair against the wall, angry with myself.     I know this is better for both of us, even if I don't feel proud. I want to put her safety first, make her forget about me, even if I can't. I know I've been a jerk after coming out, but before my safety comes Macie's. 

I lean against the wall sliding down it until I sit on the floor. Resting my hands on my head. Powerless.    “Forgive me... Someday you'll understand... I promise you Macie... But please... For now I need you to hate me like I hate myself right now...”

Chapter 17

[acourtofquestions]

Reading Crown of Midnight:

(No spoilers please) Thoughts & Theories as of right now (starting Chapter 24):

— Okay this is just me thinking out loud (or I guess typing lol) but I have a new theory with 0 proof but I like guessing sometimes —

Aedion Ashryver was just introduced. We’ve (gonna use plurals lol) been wondering who is giving the king all this “info” on rebels (as it isn’t Chaol THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD) and someone is “advising” / giving him names for Celaena to “dispatch”. … The book has been dropping hints, telling us to look for that character (as Celaena does). And suddenly after those hints, along with another Aelin mention, a new character is thrown into the mix; a character that somehow survived the fall of Terrasen; begging the question of how. They could very easily be a traitor (hence the survival) & rebel destruction, OR an inside man for the rebels all along.🤔

NOW (without spoilers cause I’m trying not to ruin this for myself) I don’t know who Aelin is. Not officially, all I know is I’m pretty sure it’s Celaena… cause I unfortunately had this series HEAVILY in my feed prior to reading & pretty much every fan art that looks like Celaena is named Aelin… so I’m going to guess it’s her (whether she knows it or not)… though I’m trying not to think of it cause I’m guessing it’s a big plot. … With that said I mention it as it’s another reason why I think if Aedion was THAT character it would move that plot along too… possibly in helping her claim her new name… or adding some danger if he was bad & knew Aelin was alive (if she is Aelin to begin with). P.S. don’t confirm this, but if I’m right then the entire Dorian having met Aelin as a wild child & the whole “if Aelin had survived she might’ve been my bride” line becomes a thousand times more hilarious & heartbreaking.😅😅

P.S. P.S. why is there no ship content for Chaol and Celaena??? I try to avoid looking things up but sometimes I want inspo, fan art, aesthetics & right now I love them so much🥹… and I am so scared, something must go horribly wrong for there to be nothing (no content), and I may regret these posts of loving them but I want THEM to be ENDGAME😩… maybe I’ll get lucky and he has another name too and that’s why🤞… UGH book problems I JUST LOVE THEM TOO MUCH!!! And I know Sarah J. Maas writing, she’s gonna twist the plot and destroy me😂

[lokittystuckinatree]

Ok so I did a rewatch thread for ATLA a few years ago, and I’m doing it again for the LCU: Loki Cinematic Universe

Thor:

Forgot Thor dropped out of the Sky in New Mexico of all places lmao. Darcy my beloved.

This movie is making me emotional like a minute in. They haven’t even introduced Lokes yet don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry

really gives Star Wars x Lord of the rings energy huh

YEA THOR AND LOKI. Loki’s child casting is ridiculously impeccable though…same nose, facial expressions, we sure this kid ain’t Tom’s?

POOR SWEET SUMMER CHILD LOKI YOU HAVE NO IDEA

When I saw Sif I made this face. 😏 Wow the way they delayed Adult! Loki reveal for dramatic effect. And when I saw him I made this face 😩 and giggled like a schoolgirl. Hnnng I can’t handle Sifki in the same frame they’re too fine. Ok shut up simp.

ZOOM IN ON FRIGGA AT “FIRSTBORN” Obviously they just wanted to show his mom, and they may not have known Hela would be Odin’s daughter when making Thor, but fuck it is funny in hindsight.

ZOOM IN ON LOKI AT SELFISH AMBITION been there Lokes I get ya. They look….so damn good in silver, can we have Loki in Silver again?

Young Thor has anger issues, I forgot how hotheaded he was. wow he’s come a long way…or is that the inconsistent writing…

Loki: judges you in bisexual. Also Loki: don’t be suspicious don’t be suspicious

I forgot about Hogun I feel bad

Don’t go to Jotunheim that will start Loki’s villain arc and spiral into the entire infinity saga

Heimdall told Loki he wasn’t dressed warm enough the foreshadowing. WHEN BIFROST ACTIVATED TO GO TO JOTUNHEIM LOKI GOT ZAPPED FIRST. Where are the frost giants? *camera pans to Loki* there is SO much foreshadowing in this scene, also to Loki being a backstabbing little bitchsicle

Loki’s personality and character voice has been the same for 12 years stop complaining antis. Also thank Tom for that!

Loki should have played off “run back home, little princess” as Laufey referring to them, not Thor. Maybe chaos wouldn’t ensue. Thor you are a rambunctious irresponsible nightmare. You make Loki look cool and calculated, which they are, unless they’re having a psychotic break. Loki really would be and was a better ruler.

FIRST LOKI KNIFE THROW

While that scene is heartbreaking, Loki and the frost giant looking at each other in confusion will never not be funny

Loki saved Fandral awwww I ship it

I like this Thor better. He got too goofy and himbo later. He’s a golden retriever, but a jumpy, bitey golden retriever that tries to pick up sticks that are too big and get it into danger.

Loki was so scared this whole movie. His face is just…filled with dread half the time poor kitten

The love of Thor’s life during Thor: doing fancy science experiments, hanging with her friends, living her best nerd life. The love of Loki’s life during Thor: watches people die gruesome deaths, chokes on ash from supervolcano, narrowly avoids getting sucked into black hole, nearly drowns in mega tsunami, almost gets incinerated by nuke.

Until Sylvie, only Darcy could match Loki’s sheer level of chaos gremlin

Stop punching for 3 seconds Thor or I swear to god I’m gonna punch my television

“Thor is reckless and dangerous” you’re one to talk, Loki

The way Sif says Loki’s name, the way she reaches out to him first, as if she knows her sway on him…hmmm. Fandral jumping to defend Loki as if he himself has been offended….hmmmm.

“Am I cursed” thank you I will be crying though the whole scene. The way he tries to stay collected and just loses his shit…(I actually did cry and had to cut myself a slice of cake)

“Why do you twist my words” he has BPD Odin, that’s your fault

Thor: ANOTHER. Jane: no smashing, unless you’re smashing me

There is such a marked difference in how Loki acts after finding out he’s Jotun, down to the shaky way Tom delivers his lines. Loki is trying to put on this mask of grandeur and poise, when he’s so clearly…broken. How do I reach through the screen and tell him I love him? Loki is king, what he’s wanted forever, and he can’t even enjoy it. He is absolutely devastated. FuCK. But also, he’s having cynical fun with it. He’s had a terrible day, he’s done with everyone’s bullshit, and he’s decided to do whatever he fucking wants

He’s decided to become what everyone wanted from him…He found out he’s Jotun, and he wants to purge that from history and become someone he could never be…

He and Sif soooooo obviously have history, like how did I miss this? There also may be a bit of subtext with Fandral… Loki my Bi king

Also they are so androgynously beautiful this movie, Loki my genderfluid queen

Loki on earth: I will intentionally attract attention by being sexy. Thor on earth: I will unintentionally attract attention by acting like an alien, which I am

Loki’s only real friend is his mother. Unfortunately, I relate.

Jane and Thor are a better fit than I remember. They’re both impulsive, adventurous, but she mellows him out and is his voice of reason. He brings her out of her shell, keeps her life exciting.

Sup Clint

Thor is kinda cute, but too manly for me. My type is tomboys and femboys and everything in between.

I feel like Loki, yelling at Thor through the tv to calm the fuck down and stop hitting people and just sit his ass down and make a fucking plan. Thor and his hammer I swear to god. Maybe if you calmed tf down, you’d be worthy again, you hotheaded arrogant fool

Cinematography popping offfff

Loki: Father is dead. Me: YOU LYING SACK OF ✨beauty✨ *tries to be angry at Loki, literally drools instead* Loki: you are still banished. Me: you little shit! (affectionate). I hate you so much (sexually frustrated)

Loki and Mjolnir. The way he was frustrated, then angry, then heartbroken, but never hopeful. He knew he was never gonna pick that hammer up, but he still tried and failed. He looked like he was gonna yell, then looked like he was gonna cry…baby baby nooo

I’m really just Loki lite. Or Loki is me on a really bad day. Like when it’s 4:am and I’m considering murdering my grandmother. I’ll be like…jeez, am I really that much like Loki? He does some really fucked up stuff. Then I realize that if I was in the same situation, I would do the exact same thing. Psychologically, we are nearly identical. I also have the same gender, sexuality, skin, hair and eye color. I may be a variant, send help.

Marry me Lady Sif

Not Loki showing empathy…no one tell that corner of the fandom that idolizes his worst self and thinks he’s nothing but a cold hearted self obsessed psychopath. Did anyone really think that Robot punch was gonna kill Thor? The hulk hits harder than that. Loki was going easy on him. He does care, somewhere deep in his whole…mess. He never truly wanted to kill Thor, he just thought he did. I don’t think he could have gone through with it either. If he did, killing Thor might have killed him too. Look up splitting in bpd, and you’ll get it.

The plot of this movie is just: Loki has a breakdown

Ok I’m tearing up again at 4:40 am in the morning because sad popsicle just wants to feel loved…but he’s already loved…they just can’t believe anyone would love them for who they are… so he self sabotages bc deep down…they don’t feel worthy of the love they desperately crave *has a breakdown myself*

Loki is just me when I have a borderline personality disorder rage episode, provoke people by saying hurtful shit, and wanna jump off a bridge afterwards ngl

If you destroy the bridge you’ll never see her again…Loki trying to manipulate Thor, or Loki being a hopeless romantic and caring…a bit of both.

Loki’s su!c!de attempt genuinely made me cry, especially because I know he survives actual physical and psychological torture afterwards, and does things that likely haunt him forever. I wish I could tell him that a few years down the line, he will know his family and everyone in Asgard pitied him, loved him, mourned him, and in another timeline he will meet someone who will make him feel understood and validated and seen the way he thought impossible. It’s also making me worry about Sylvie attempting the same next season because…Loki and Sylvie are cut from the same cloth and as they said, they truly have been where she is now and felt what she feels.

End credit scene…I see you Lokes

[ingravinoveritas]

How do you find the courage to post your fanfics? I've written something, but I'm TERRIFIED of someone reading it, even though I WANT people to read it 😩

Hi, Anon! Aww, I appreciate you asking me this so much. Well, I know the feeling you are describing very well, as I've been writing fanfic for the better part of the last 25 years, and that is a feeling that never fully goes away.

When I first started writing fic, I was in a very different place mentally than where I am now. What I mean by that is that I'd experienced tremendous bullying all through school because of being on the autism spectrum, and at the same time, writing was the one thing that I discovered I was good at. So while I was absolutely desperate for people to read my writing, I was also completely terrified of criticism of any stripe, because in my mind, that somehow meant I'd done something "wrong" and it felt like the fast track to destroying my already nearly nonexistent self-esteem.

As a child, writing was my escape from the world, and the only place I felt safe and like I could express myself, and I also sought so much validation from it. As an adult, it's still an escape and a place to express myself, but I no longer crave that same validation. Do I want to share my writing with people in the hope that they get as much joy out of reading it as I do writing it? Absolutely. Do I view a negative review or criticism as the worst possible thing in the entire world? Not at all. But that was a choice I had to make, and it happened as I gradually developed confidence in myself, which took a great deal of time.

What it really comes down to is that posting your fics and sharing your writing carries the potential for both great risks, and great rewards. One thing you must always keep in mind is that not everyone is going to like what you write, but that does not make you a bad writer. For me, the appreciation and gratitude of the people who do like my fics matters far more than the people who don't like them--I actually even recently got a lovely comment on The Boxer Rebellion from one of my favorite MS/DT RPF authors, and it absolutely made my entire day. But that never would have happened if I hadn't posted my fic in the first place.

The other thing to keep in mind is that every fic has an audience. (The absolutely cursed-beyond-comprehension cream cheese fic had an audience, for crying out loud.) So there will be an audience for what you write, Anon, and in fact that audience is probably out there right now just waiting to read your fics. Ultimately, though, the most important person to write for is you. Write because you have a voice and stories you want to share. Write because something inspired you and brought that creative spark to life. Write because there is nothing sadder in this world than walking around with an untold story inside you. And if you do decide to share your fics, who knows who you might inspire in turn, and the spark you could light inside others.

I hope this helps to answer your question. Please feel free to write back in if/when you decide to share your fics, Anon. Sending so much love and the very best of luck to you! xx

[shywhitemoose]

Tag Game to Better Know You

Thank you for the tag @jmobiwanspadawan  🤎

It’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these, and it was a nice distraction :)

What book are you currently reading?

Oh dear, not off to a great start. No books at the moment 😩

What’s your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year?

I.. can’t remember the last time I was in a movie theatre?

What do you usually wear?

Most days: jeans, t-shirt, compression socks, fidget necklace, sneakers or birkenstocks. When I go to the office I wear a slightly nicer version of that :)

How tall are you?

5′5″ on an ambitious day

What’s your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event?

Cancer. Famous birthday buddies? Nelson Mandela 💛

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

IRL, my name. On tumblr, a nice mix.

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be when you were a child?

Oh gosh. I wanted to be so many things. Mother and environmental scientist were not on the list, but here I am 🤷‍♀️  I suppose I did want to be an artist, which technically I am? I just don’t like doing it for money, ha. I also wanted to be, in no particular order of preference: zookeeper, surgeon, finishing carpenter, beach bum, baker, professional bowler, tornado chaser, math teacher, lifetime peace corp volunteer, long distance trucker, firefighter.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one?

It’s complicated, but effectively, no. And no crushes aside from fictional characters and a Swedish curler I’ve never met lol

What’s something you’re good at vs. something you’re bad at?

I’m a decent artist and a terrible singer. A good baker and a mess of a public speaker.

Dogs or cats?

Both please!! I only have cats at the moment due to family preferences, but I love both. All animals, in fact. They are all so neat! 🐈🐕‍🦺🐍🕷🐇🐄🐿🦥🐳🐓🦉🦌

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what’s your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year?

Hmm.. if we’re talking within the last year, probably the hands (Don’t Let Go). Took me ages to finish and it might actually be my favorite of any piece I’ve completed in digital medium.

For writing.. maybe this lil bit of A Plea from the Lost to the Found?

Anakin shifted again, lifted his head, and their eyes met. “Why?”

Here, staring directly into the missing half of his soul, Obi-Wan could only offer honesty. “Because I loved his father.”

They were so close. Obi-Wan could ­hear Anakin’s breath. He could feel it tangle, warm and humid, in his whiskers. For one mad moment he thought he caught Anakin glancing down to his lips, and a bizarre pang of hope shot through his lungs.

He quietly corrected himself.

“Because I love his father.”

Ok but also something more lighthearted maybe? This exchange from Out of Place still brings me a lot of joy:

“Well that’s an odd name for a galaxy.”

Anakin scoffed back, mildly offended on the Milky Way’s behalf. “Well what’s yours called?”

“I…” The man’s brow furrowed. Adorably. “Well it doesn’t have a name. It’s always just been The Galaxy.”

“Huh.” This was getting absurd. “Seems a bit pretentious, don’t you think?”

“Well—”

“If you’re from another galaxy, care to tell me how you speak English?”

“Is that what you call it here?”

“Is that what we call what here?”

“Galactic basic.”

Anakin nearly rolled his eyes. Of course. “Uh, yeah. English is what we call it.”

“Huh. Well yes, I suppose that is a bit of a mystery, isn’t it?”

“So where is this…Galaxy of yours, exactly? How did you manage to find your way out of it?”

“Oh, far, far away, I imagine. I was on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan when something pulled me from hyperspace and… well, frankly I don’t recall much after that. Until I woke up and found myself careening toward your planet, that is.”

“Huh.”

“Huh, indeed. Now. What do I call you?”

“Um, an earthling?”

Obi-Wan smiled at that, teeth gleaming. “Your name.”

What’s something you’d like to create content for?

Nothing new, just my favorite two space monks!

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

Gardening. Obikin.

What’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

winter (we had ONE lousy snow flurry, it lasted maybe 10 minutes)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

Er, i don’t know? I can drive a stick shift? Do handstands? I have a serious knack for spotting four-leaf clovers? (They aren’t lucky, for the record.)

Are you religious?

Not so much, no. Science, nature, and art are my holy trinity :)

What’s something you wish to have at this moment?

A week alone in a cabin in the woods

No pressure tags: @forcearama @temple-mistress @thetorontokid @mischievouschan4 @pathetic-lifeform @sopherfly @obikinetic and anyone else who wants to do it (but tag me if you do so I can read it!)

[hacked-by-jake]

You know what's sad? The fact that you made friends with someone online but ran out of questions to ask them.

You know what else is sad? The only people who understand the obsession with Jake are online.

You know what else is also sad? We don't know what role Jake is going to play in the new game.

The saddest thing is point number one though, and that's because that person is you. 💙💙

Nooooooo. 😭 You’re WONDERFUL! I can’t believe you’re always so kind and nice and cute. I don’t know what to say, I’m so honored that you seem to think so about me, I’m really speechless. 🥺

And I totally agree with everything. Especially that you always get to know the best and greatest people only through the Internet, it is so bad and mean. Why can’t we all be neighbors? Seriously, we should all together build a village in a forest and move all there and then live forever in a happy community named Duskwood. Such a dream. 😩 If Jake isn’t in the main story of the new game, we could all meet at the campfire in the evening and cry together. 🥲 I hope we will get (soon) a more detailed sneak peek that will reveal something about Jake and his role. That's torture. 🥲

And I have to be honest, I don’t know exactly what you mean, but you could literally just send one word or one letter and I would answer something and above all I would be happy like a little kid about the ask. I am so happy about every ask I get. And really, I am so thankful that you are always so kind and loving, I really appreciate it. And I can only repeat myself again and again, you are a really wonderful person. I mean, you come here, take the time to write all this and make me too happy with your beautiful words, just like that, for no real reason. I find that so fascinating and it gives me a little bit of hope back to humanity nowdays. Thank you so much for doing it! For sending all this. It means everything in the world to me. Please take always care of yourself and stay healthy!! I really appreciate you! 🥺💚

[missmaywemeetagain]

hiiii! i’ll be reacting to 17 & 18.1 so i’m sorry & pls excuse me if this is a lot LOL

17:

you jumped RIGHT into it i see!!! & let me just say..i nearly DIED!! YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!! i swear i could’ve passed out right w her😂😂😂 elvis saying that’s not normal like what he’s doing to her is?! PLS!!! the way he ordered all her fave foods, it’s the little stuff that shows how he feel🥹 the flashback?? i understand the craziness of the situation but all i can think about is how elvis is ALWAYS there. every. single. time. we LOVE him. the TENSION & the ANXIETY i was feeling when she was up at the lil get together?! the DISGUST when jack kept pushing up on her?! everytime he calls her treasure i get chills & not in a good way. i never thought i could hate a written character more in my life. the confirmation of “cheating” (bc should we reallyyyy call it that atp?? LOL) being him seeing the hickies?! oh i was shaking in my boots. now, i understand the whole purpose of the way this is written is that i’m putting myself in her shoes but WHEN HE DRAGGED HER OUT THAT BATHROOM, DRESS UNDONE,SCREAMING?!?! OH I REALLY FELT THE HATE & EMBARRASSMENT TIMES 100. STEAM WAS COMING OUT MY EARS. i was surprised elvis didn’t pop his ass right then & there. we love a king w a lil self control. emphasis on a lil😂i think i paused in my reading for a good 10 minutes when jack punched her. jaw DROPPED. & i swear i screamed when elvis started beating his ass. my heart SOARED. FINALLYYYY IVE BEEN WAITING & i CACKLED at the confusion from jack. sir, she had that scarf on AGAIN & you’re confused??? PLS. the way EVERYBODY had to hold him back & bring him to his knees from red?! i was eating it up!! & idk….jack deserved more than a smack from her, but at the same time, he not even worth it. elvis did him in enough. now, w all the passing out & throwing up…. pregnancy is running through my brain. MAYBE IM REACHING IDK IDK. this entire part was so JUICY!!! WHEW i was on edge the ENTIRE time. the excitement i’m feeling thinking about what’s next now that everything is finally out on the table?!?! you never fail to surprise me!!!

18.1:

i know you mentioned possibly doing his pov at some point but THIS?!?! oh this is not what i was expecting!!! i am GAGGED!!!! for one, yk i LOVE your flashbacks. but these?! idk i wouldn’t say these were the most intense but they are the most important to me in a way. maybe bc it really confirms everything for me. like clearly just off everything from before, we know he’s in love. BUT READING THESE?!?! HES BEEN DOWN BAD HIS WHOLE LIFE BASICALLY LOL PLEASEEEEE!! that poor baby!!! we know our girl has been too but at least hers is more so on a subconscious level for so many years lol it’s so insane to me how GREAT you write their connection. i’ll say that 1000 times bc i swear i can literally feel it. my heart physically hurts reading this part! the way he yearns for her is so😩😩😩😩 the way he was holding back for so long but after that night he stayed w her he’s like yea no fuck that!! then BOOM! FUCKING JACK MAN!!!!! i teared up! & me knowing the torment that’s still to come & the YEARS of heartbreak he’s gonna go through got me so SAD!! it took SO long for him to finally have her!!! also, now that i’m thinking. elvis knew jack wanted her from the jump, that’s why he didn’t say shit even knowing they have that intense unexplainable connection but HER?! what’s her tea?!?! after she was done w ted she should’ve been ON IT. BUT i can say i’m glad bc all that ripping & running he was doing early in his career, it wouldn’t have been fair (which actually was probably her thought process now that i’m typing it lol) & it probably all would’ve fell apart. timing is a important thing. i cannot WAIT for 18.2!!!!! something so good always comes after a great flashback to connect & you gave us a few so im ready!!

you really pull some crazy emotions out of me reading this series. I LOVE IT. letting yk NOW, once this is complete?! oh i will pay good money to have this on paper in my bookshelf!!!!

First, I'm sorry it took so long to get to this ask, but OMG, Kelly Honey, I LOVEEEEE this. LOVE. IT. Your passionate reactions are what I live for and thank you for blessing me with them! 🥰 You somehow put into words all the fun emotions I'm trying to glean from y'all as a writer and it's just great to see! So many good observations and theories going on here!

My brain is a bit fried from finishing 18.2 just now, so I'll just say that I cannot wait to see how the next part sends you over the edge, babycakes...💋

[shutthyface]

Bendy and the Dark Revival Playthrough Thoughts:

Imma post my raw dog thoughts on Bendy and the Dark Revival as I play (currently in chapter 1), I shall bury the spoilers so continue at your own risk, I will also be completely honest about my opinions on everything, my qualifications are my 100% achievement score for Bendy and the Ink Machine and a deep adoration for the entire Bioshock series (yes, this is relevant)

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Okay, here we go:

- first impression, hand animations are a lil weird but I can get past it

- Audrey is adorable, her winged liner is pretty thicc

- I knew a jumpscare was coming in that hallway but did it stop me from screaming? no.

- "Who put this here?" YESSIR LOVE THAT THROWBACK THANK YOU

- ALSO after coming back for the key you get a nice view of the signed photo of Bendy from Henry 🥺 So cute I can't even

- cut to me continuously ramming my body into the first Boris the Wolf poster throughout different points in the walkthrough area because I was looking for Meatly... (he was not there 😭)

-I hate Wilson, as a character, and I'm confused at his importance. But I also hate him as a person, as he makes me v uncomfortable (well done on that part)

- ahhh yes, the Ink Machine activation. I wish it wasn't so similar, maybe the podiums set up in different areas of the museum room like exhibits would have been a nice recollection without being exactly the same

- ohohoh, is that a Bioshock Infinite baptism I see? And a title screen eerily similar to the Bioshock logo. Not complaining really, I honestly miss the feeling of Rapture

•∆ Entering Chapter 1 ∆•

- PIPER I KNEW YOU WERE THERE AND YET??? SCARY

- Alice could have explained a bit more, I also feel like there's a lot of things I need to explore but can't yet, I love exploration and collection

- Gent Pipe is coming back and we gotta hide from these squishy men, so far so good. Really enjoying the new hiding mechanics, feels much more like a classic horror game, more immersive and anxiety building

- these ink men and women are getting rekt, cool that you can loot from their bodies

- puzzles BAYBEEE gotta love em, the first one is pretty easy to find but it almost feels like there's more to see there later?

- ooo we have another Bioshock-esque gameplay tool, sending ink creatures back to the ink puddles, like removing the adam from little sisters. Not sure if it will have an impact on ending or anything like that, but it adds a nice choice to more sneaky routes than head on aproaches

- I don't know what I expected but mr.hang-in-there editor made me feel more uncomfortable than I thought it would lmao

- BABY BENDY 😭 he's soooo cute and his LIL ANIMATED FACES!!!! i can't believe he was just chillin there all smol and adorable

- Audrey gotta be careful with that power she hurt the baby 🥺

- "do not knock" audrey: hmm .... this won't stop me, I can't read

- not the Ink Demon appearing and TALKING???? HELLO??? SIR?? 🥵🤒

- 😳😳😳 "sweet name to devour" lord almighty

- his new form is SICK, I LOVE the glove/white animation spots peaking through the ink, the multi horns, ugh so cool I want a better look 😩

•∆ Entering Chapter 2 ∆•

- Ink Demon: "You were born from it", me: "MOLDED BY IT!"

- I no longer enjoy the hiding mechanic because I am now more scared

-OOOH it tells me when he's coming, that I enjoy, thank the lord 😩✋

- I like these lil drawings mr. no-knock did, they're so cute! I think the Ink Demon likes em too that's why he's angry I'm collecting em 😮‍💨

- me after collecting the fifth drawing: damn he MAD mad he wanted those sketches bad 😳

- bro mr. no-knock attacking me after collecting his shit is NOT the vibe how DARE you sir

- the ink demon literally was about to attack me when I was writing that last thought, I thought I was about to have a break but NOPE not only did I almost die I almost pissed myself that was TERRIFYING

- I am now constantly on edge and I feel like mr. ink demon is coming for me at any second

- good news I haven't died yet, bad news my heart rate is goin NUTS

- second puzzle, finished, and Ink Demon only visited once! Yay!

- "come say hello" h mm don't mind if I do

- audrey: *crackin open this big ass spotlit box*; me: no no no no no; box: scary ass shy-guy-esque lady; me: noooo no no no...; audrey: *turns away to hide in barrel, turns back and box is empty*; me: NOOOOOOO THANK YOUUUUUU

- dude F*CK THAT GHOST B*TCH she scared my entire TIT off and made me slam my knee into my desk WTF is that 😭

- I survived the shy-guy-lady, thank the lord, but I had to run like hell and murder the lost ones in the area. I hope I grabbed all the collectables 😭

- Winnie the Porter stuck in the pipe is pretty adorable and I love him

- down the rabbit hole we go, I guess!

- NOT PORTER RENAMING ME 😭 AND A GIFT!

- oh my gosh I was thinking the glowing hand reminded me of Dishonored and now we can fuggin SHIFT just like Dishonored, love that

- the menus looked pretty familiar too, now I can't help but see little Dishonored pockets everywhere

- dude so many squishy lost ones how am I supposed to deal, I have realized I should not have eaten every snack I came across before 😭

- it's time for a break, I'm currently in the locker rooms for anyone curious, I'll come back sometime tomorrow for more thoughts ;)