#and i dont know what the best long term solution is

[whilomm]

some people are talking about "oh im not educated enough to talk about this" and yeah im not educated enough to fully outline a solution to longterm peace or whatever but i dont think you need much education to say "genocide is wrong and blowing up hospitals is wrong and there should probably be a ceasefire" like. i just dont think you need a fucking degree in political science to get there you know? why are people acting like ohhhh sorry i cant say a word on it im not educated..... motherfucker all you need to look at is the palestinian death toll to know that what israel is doing is probably bad, and it should probably stop. not killing people is better than killing people. mega easy starting point!!

[ghost-bxrd]

Batman and MockingJay are standing on a rooftop watching eachother

Batman : why are you doing this? Are you aware of what Hood is doing? Hood is a dangerous criminal who takes pleasure in others pain. How do you have such a carefree attitude towards all this? You know you dont have to this? We can protect you . Youll be safe from him.

MockingJay: First of all cuz i want to, second of all Hood only hurts those who deserve it . Unlike you he'll do whats necessary to stop them and make sure noone else has to suffer like they did before. Is it "right"? It Depends. To me ? Hell yes hes doing what ypu wont, hes taking them out. Permanently. Your so caught up in your "justice" and "non lethal" bullshit that you cant even see the bigger picture. Tell me, do you even hear yourself somtimes? Your all "my way or the highway" with Gotham. Cant you see its not about you. It never has been. You just want to "save" me because the last time you let a child go he went "ka-BOOM" You want to save them your way cause you think its the best? HAH! Everyone has seen what you do old man , it works as a short term solution yes , but in the long run? Fuck no, they'll break out and hurt others all over again! "Save Gotham"? You couldn't even save Robin!

Red Hood from a distance: MockingJay! Time to wrap this up!

MockingJay:coming boss!

MockingJay turns to look at Batman

MockingJay:if you ever try anything to him ill make you wish you died in that Alley with them.(grapples away) just an interaction i thought they might have

Holy crap that last line is absolute FIRE

Oh!Bruce would totally blank for a few minutes because— he can’t have heard that right.

His mind would be going a MILE a minute trying to parse through all the implications of it.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

Kinda Rant-y context: I’m about to go into finals and I’m lowkey failing one of my classes. And I’m supposed to graduate at the end of this term but if I fail ANY CLASS I will not graduate and imagine the embarrassment of telling people at your Commencement Celebration Dinner that you’re not actually graduating because you failed a class. It’s my worst nightmare.

Ask: who provides the best comfort in moments of intense anxiety over things with real (though not technically life-threatening) stakes?

who WOULD be the best comfort in moments of intense anxiety over things with real stakes:

daichi. he is the most realistic and calm person on earth who somehow knows exactly what you need him to do in any given moment. he would sit down like hes your fucking therapist and just Listen and then somehow he would help you lead yourself into the solution youve been needing. and then he would be so proud of you regardless of the outcome

hinata. he would match your energy whether its doom n gloom or having a freak out, he would give validity to your fears and concerns and problems, he would make you feel normal and like your situation is Okay, and then he'd just be like the sun that comes out from storm clouds. do you want his advice? if yes he will ramble off every possible option and solution. if no he will roll you into a blanket burrito and then spoon feed you your favorite food until bedtime. the choice is yours!

akaashi. he is kind of perfect in every way so obviously he is great for a time like this! he'll give you an entire list of things you're good at, things he loves you for, things that are Still Okay, and then after enough time of you ranting and dreading the What Ifs he would just stand up, clap his hands, and take you on a long walk. and he's gonna talk about random shit the whole time, he's gonna hold your hand real tight, and he's gonna make sure that for that entire time you're distracted and content (cuz hes perfect)

however.

who would NOT be the best comfort in moments of intense anxiety over things with real stakes:

tsukishima. he will listen to you explain your problems and then give examples of how things can become worse. he doesn't mean to make you feel worse but he can't help but also feel consumed by Doom. oopsie!

kuroo. he immediately tries to give solutions to your problems, even though all you really need to do is rant your feelings to him. (example: can't you just pull an all nighter and learn a new study technique? i did the math and you ONLY need to get a 90% on the final to pass!!!!!)

bokuto. he starts coddling you and treating you like the 4 week old kitten i just found in my driveway. will hug you even if you don't want it, will beg you to stop crying even if you aren't crying, will offer to buy you presents as if they will fix everything. (example: baby its okay just tell me what to do and i will fix it... dont cry babe everything is okay just let me make everything better... i will handle it don't worry just stop crying my sweet angel sweetheart baby love of my life pookie bear)

let me know how ur finals go anon, and whether u pass or fail i will not judge u one way or another (i am a college drop out.)

[villainanders]

🔥Vivienne

i feel like i dont really like how anyone talks about vivienne... obviously on one hand there's the "hates vivienne" crowd which is generally like. extremely reductive about her character (and often racist and misogynistic about it!!) but i also feel like the side of fandom that likes her is also very reductive in a similar way. vivienne is interesting to me because i DO believe she thinks she is acting in interest of mages in the long term. she believes in circles as the best solution for mages and non-mages and she is fighting her own personal fight to prove the way mages can gain power and influence within that system. but she is also extremely personally ambitious and willfully naive about the system she is fighting to preserve both because she has been privileged within it (she's a powerful mage who likely never had to worry about tranquility, from a more permissive circle, had the opportunity and political savvy to leverage her way to an unprecedented powerful position) and because i don't think she wants to face the realities of her own situation (a huge amount of her influence and freedom comes from her romantic/sexual relationship with someone with more legal rights and influence than her in every possible way. this is bad!!!) i say willfully naive because. i do think vivienne knows what the problems with the circle are. she's a smart woman. i think that she is looking away and choosing not to see them because 1) she HAS been able to work the system largely to her advantage and doesn't want to lose that 2) she does believe its the best solution so what's the point. that's just my personal reading and obviously she isn't super forthcoming with the quizie on this so there are other ways to read it too but i really feel like most conversations on vivienne are very flat

[viennacherries]

Lyrical analysis you say? 👀👀

I happen to be a bit of a musician myself (I was in my middle school choir and am lying to myself)

Would love to hear your thoughts on anything Hozier has written, but particularly Talk bc I also have thoughts on that one

okay this is nothing to do with bg3 so anyone who isn't interested feel free to skip over this. that being said i do think this song fits very well with gale when he was trying to get mystra to forgive him while he's in the tower.

if u are interested it's below the cut :)

this song is a fukin masterpiece first of all, i LOVE hozier. his lyricism is fucking incredible and never fails to sweep me completely off my feet.

this song is lyrically one of his more straight forward songs, if you know the context behind what he's referencing.

essentially, the story of orpheus and eurydice is a greek myth. orpheus finds his beloved wife eurydice dead, and sings a song so sad and beautiful that the gods take pity on him. he visits hades and hades agrees to let eurydice live again, so long as orpheus doesn't look behind him as he leaves. orpheus is nearly at the exit, only a few paces away, but he loses his faith and turns to check she's still with him. she's a few steps behind him, right where hades said she would be, but as soon as their eyes meet she's dragged back into the underworld.

now, when hozier is referencing this story he's specifically comparing himself to all of the best qualities of the characters in the myth. orpheus' devotion to his wife, the hopeful feeling he had that he could save her, the overwhelming need he felt to see her that overpowered his ability to follow hades' instruction, and eurydice in her final moments forgiving orpheus anyway because she loves him so much. this verse is hozier promising the person he's singing to endless devotion.

however, his next verse says that he's imagining all of the (presumably) indecent things they could do together. he admits that he's sweet talking them so that they dont see through to how badly he desires them.

the second verse goes back to him talking about how devoted and loving he can be. he calls true love a "lost myth" but insists that he will be the exception. he's different to others, he truly loves them. through the next few lines he's essentially selling himself as the solution to all of their issues surrounding love, he'll be the release that he believes they won't truly find in anyone except for god at the end of the world. he's bigging himself up again, he's essentially trying to sell himself to this woman.

you can view this song in a couple of ways, in my opinion. this song can be a demonstration of true devotion and love, hozier offering himself up to worship this person and telling them all of the ways he will cherish them. but i think it can also be seen as manipulative. he's sweet talking them even though all he's really thinking about is bedding them; think like a guy at a bar who knows all the stuff to say but is gone by the time you wake up in the morning. i think it can also be a mix of both, he truly loves them but feels unworthy. he thinks if they knew all the ways he thought of them they wouldn't be interested, so he peacocks and promises and parades around in the hopes of impressing them.

the songs in d minor key. by placing it in this key he's purposely evoking certain emotions/creating a specific atmosphere. d minor lends itself especially well to creating a melancholy or anxious atmosphere. a lot of songs about grief and sadness are in d minor. christian schubert, in an essay he wrote in 1784, uses the term "melancholy womanliness" to describe the key. i think that perfectly describes the atmosphere hozier creates in this song. a lot of people say that hozier is "for the lesbians" (based as hell btw) because a lot of the songs he writes are about true love and devotion to women. he's reverential in the way he talks about passion and romance, and it fits really well into the female gaze. you could view this song as him acknowledging this ("imagine being loved by me" could be him talking to the listener).

the song is 77bpm, which classifies it as 'andante' (moderately slow). it gives it a slow relaxed feeling, which really sells the whole vibe of him trying to woo someone. combined with the prominent baseline and the choral backing vocals, the song feels like worship. it feels like laying your soul bare.

it's no doubt his sexiest song. the song reeks of sex and sensuality. down to every detail this song is about seducing someone. it's romantic, sensual, and overall an absolutely beautiful piece that perfectly demonstrates hozier's prowess with lyricism. one of his main strengths is his ability to paint a vivid picture with his words.

this is quite a simple and surface level analysis of the song as i've whacked it together but in conclusion: beautiful sexy song and i am in fact imagining being loved by him.

[tennessoui]

In the pool boy au what was the last straw in terms of Obi-Wan and Satine's marriage? Although I would love for their last fight to have been about Anakin, I sense that there was other issues that cause the relationship to fail. Great fic by the way!

oof i feel like the best and most honest answer is i dont know!!

you're 100% right that there were so many things in that relationship that made it fail. i honestly don't see anakin as one of them, but his presence in their life as like....a symptom of how much their marriage didn't work (satine once joked rather bitterly about getting a pool boy to fuck so obi-wan got her an underage skinny and unattractive pool boy, only for him to actually be very pretty and obi-wan's type)

obi-wan uses the idea of the pool boy against "anakin who is satine who is obi-wan's wife" a lot while they're having sex, but honestly i feel like anakin doesn't come up a lot in their many many arguments that make up their long marriage--this obi-wan (and probably this satine though it's harder to say because she actually has no lines of dialogue or physical appearance in the fic) has so many ways and words to try and hurt his wife that don't include the pool boy -- their marriage was just. never going to work. obi-wan is too much of an asshole and a control freak. satine won't let him have control over her.

anakin is the perfect rebound/solution/actual love of his life

[meyhew]

I remember when you first shared that you were distancing yourself from Harry because you didn’t vibe with him anymore and you also said you couldn’t see yourself turning into a person that completely hated him and wished him ill like other blogs had done. I don’t see the necessity of taking zayn’s wholesome interview and using it to completely hate on someone else. Those boys were so young when everything went down. I do agree that zayn suffered the most from those repercussions and I’m so excited to see him again and to have content from him. But none of us know the pull picture or all the nuances and emotions that went around during that time. I just don’t understand why the attention shifted from zayn making his come back! to now villanizing someone else. And I mean you don’t owe anyone an explanation, those are your feelings. I just don’t particularly enjoy seeing people call someone rotten or evil Ig.

i'm still not villanizing his actions from back then! i have a lot of sympathy and compassion for the kid who went through that experience and had to make very tough, long-term decisions at a very young age. like i have Never judged the choices he made regarding his career/friendships back then too harshly. however he's a grown man now and i dont need to have that same level of understanding for the decisions he makes Now. and even now i dont rly care about the business side of things All That Much bc like... he's selling a product. there's an entire marketing team behind him. whatever.

personally my biggest gripe with him is his lack of support for palestine. actually not even that. i can get over a lack of support bc a lot of artists simply never ever touch that topic but harry has, over the course of nearly 10 years now, consistently made it clear that he supports israel. or At Best, he supports a two-state solution, which is also the same as supporting israel as an independent nation and invalidating palestinian liberation. that's why i think he isn't a good person bc as far as i'm concerned, a person's stance on this particular issue says so much about their moral character. no amount of impeccable manners and philanthropy can make up for it.

i genuinely don't think about him enough to wish him ill and i hardly ever talk about him on this blog but if once in a blue moon someone wants to vent and i agree with what's being said then 🤷🏽‍♀️

[strawberrybabydog]

thank you for talking about the transabled thing bc we have BIID & are chronically & mentally ill and physically cannot think about the way some Tumblr Kids ruined a good term for a harmless experience for too long without getting really upset. I didnt ask for Any of this and the idea that someone wants to hallucinate or whatever is mind-boggling. imo it just sounds like kids being kids and doing shit for attention that they'll regret once they're older. but idk there are some wild people out there

to an extent i appreciate kids being kids. i was once an attention seeking 12 year old, and while i do regret it (obviously, although i didnt do anything as aggregious as THIS) i also understand that i was doing it as a cry for help. my behavior wasnt entirely my own fault, and if literally a single adult in my life had done an ounce of critical thinking, i would have gotten the support i needed & wouldnt have felt like i had to cry for help. i agree with you but i dont really like dismissing attention seeking behavior from kids, cuz kids dont do shit For No Reason & that mindset is what made me be like that in the first place & prevented me from getting support i desperately needed /lh /not scolding u. yes kids are dumb and annoying but theyre also Very vulnerable and they still should get the support they need, yknow? not saying ur not saying this, im just kinda rambling

... but like i said, what i was doing wasnt as aggregious as this. whatever i did only caused internal harm and affected nobody other than myself. the older i get, the more ive watched Internet Kids become more harmful to themselves and, especially others. its fun to argue when youre a stupid rebellious 12 year old but, when i was a kid there wasnt "discourse." it was arguing with conservative christians about gay marriage (like, very black and white issues, because 12 year olds cant understand nuance)... infighting didnt really exist back then... nothing similar to this existed back then

idk. there is no solution. the power lies in the hands of parents who clearly dont care. best we can do as tumblr.hell citizens is to just ignore it until it goes away. even i feel bad for talking about it because i am also now bringing attention to it

it is also mind boggling to me that someone who isnt like me at all, sees me & my struggles, and wants them. slush is very cool, but positive interactions with my hoarde only make up about 20% of living with DCS. the rest is being re-traumatized on a daily basis (which, yeah is actually sometimes by my hoarde too)... i fear i romanticize living with schizophrenia because i often talk positively about my experiences, but i have never spoken to a single person about my trauma related to it because i literally cant. i choke up completely. its just too painful for me. its unfathomable to broadcast that to thousands if not even my partner knows

[sparrowposting]

Hey, do you by any chance have thoughts or feelings about Palamedes Sextus and/or Camilla Hect?

BOY DO I EVER [blanket warning for ntn spoilers]

where do i even START

fictional librarians/archivists/secretaries any sort of information professional are my FAVE thing, the brain is like 'oh shit that's me!' my undervalued work that im so passionate abt!!! so ofc sixth house was immediately my fave even before we knew anything about them

and then we met them properly and im just??? these serious dedicated nerds but who are also so witty and fun and just?? i love them yr honour???

the CODEPENDENCY OF IT ALL. is it perhaps...unhealthy... maybe.... but the absolute inseperable-ness of 'cam-and-pal'

on that note. like their relationship is very much a both/and. bear with me as i go on a tangent here for a sec. christianity is a both/and religion. jesus is both man and divine. god is both male and female [and neither], humans are both body and soul. etc etc etc. im obsessed with this. the cav-necro relationship is a both/and. the 'one flesh one end' is clearly a play on christian wedding tradition and 'the two become one flesh' etc etc etc whether or not the cav-necro dynamic is romantic or not. but cam and pal dont just leave it there. they love each other so much. they are SO interconnected that they surpass the joining of the flesh and join souls. they do what is deemed impossible and merge fully into paul. they are inseperable in every single way now and for forever.

like i was melancholic and weird and Romantic even as a kid and one of those things abt christianity that always bothered me was the 'til death do us part' thing. like. well. what if i dont WANT death to part us? the whole gospel bit about a widow marring her BIL, then who's wife is she in heaven and jesus is like oh we'll be like angels and there'll be no taking of spouses. like OBVS that is lowkey vague and no one really knows what that'll mean after death, and it doesn't preclude reunion with loved ones after death. but my dumb sensitive ass is out here like. nah. nah. i am COMMITTED, i am ride AND die bitches. mutual commitment for eternity or dont bother. so, personally, selfishly, paul being the impossible merging of souls just. does Smthn To Me*

THAT BEING SAID. paul is also a tragedy masked as a triumph and a triumph masked as a tragedy. the two become one but also, the two become one and one is the loneliest. when they were an imperfect lyctor body sharing in the first part of ntn it was sad because they could never talk to each other again, never see each other smile, things would never be the same. and that's somewhat very briefly alleviated when pal is puppeting naberius, but that was never a tenable long term solution. and so paul is born. and is a triumph because they've done what is necromantically impossible and theyve both survived and are able to go on. but it's a tragedy because theyve both also died. there is no more cam-and-pal, pal-and-cam. they're together forever as paul, but they're also, in a way, separate forever. they'll still never see each others smiles, or share a joke, or what have you. im never ever going to be over this and i think abt them Every Day and it Hurts

speaking of paul. t muir is specifically out here killing me bc one of paul's most famous verses, esp in the context of relationships, is 1 corinthians 13 and everyone always quotes the whole 'love is patient love is kind' at weddings (COMPLETELY out of context bc it's not abt romance, but i digress). but the BEST PART of that chapter is hands down "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known". which like. personally. my fave verse. it's also EXTREMELY cam and pal. and it's also EXTREMELY sixth house in general

speaking of sixth house in general, truth over solace in lies is my FAVOURITE house motto. for many reasons, some of which are related to the above, but also because for years and years now my whole thing, my reason for existing, and surviving and keeping going has been 'the shire is saved but not for me'. it's the idea of duty and obligation over all else. its the fact that i must wake up every day and choose Goodness even if it never chooses me back. it's that i have to devote my life to serving this ideal of The Good, no matter the personal cost, and regardless of whether i have any hope of redemption for myself, any hope of reward at the end. i must choose The Good even if i get absolutely nothing in return. it is worth it for it's own sake. even when it is difficult, and solace in the lies of comfort would be so much easier. it's about BurdensTM chosen with eyes wide open and devotion to causes that maybe are doomed from the start but you choose them anyway. it's about abstract ideals over personal comfort and feelings, no matter how strong those feelings may be. i can't say more on this. it means too much. but it's a string than runs through everything that is important to me

OK IM GONNA STOP IM SO SO SORRY HERE'S SOME SIXTH HOUSE RAMBLES BC I LOVE THEM

*yes ye caveats abt theology and how im so single so what do i know about how marriage really works and also this is the lesbian space necromancer book and not a source of divine inspiration but also. im right

[khaleesiofalicante]

every wednesday I remember about LBAF new chapter at 7pm when I am either neck deep in shit or about to take a nap and just stare into space for a while knowing I wont be able to liveblog

BUT IT IS FRIDAY AND IT IS 11 SOMETHING AND I AM VERY TIRED BUT I NEED TO DO THIS SO LET'S GO

okay but brain tired I dont remember anything from the prev chapter. Except Nico. That was something else

why is he stressed...what did I miss?

OMG YEAHHH THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY

omg chairman is DRESSED UP

So, here he was, wearing a white kurta with sequins and shit.

damn.

OH RIGHT THE KISS

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT LMAO

yeah secrets are not secrets in this household

Murder, arson, violence :)

Also, would I kill Marcus on site? Yes. Am I attracted to crazy smart assholes who would burn the world down and just intelligence in general? ...yes. I CAN EXPLAIN MYSELF-

Not excusing the shit he did though of course not.

HE IS GETTING MARRIED YOU GUYS I CANNOT BELIEVE

He wondered if he should sit down and talk to bapak about it. Maybe he should check if bapak wasn’t having an immortality crisis while Max was growing up and Rafe was getting married.

omg...

also Lucifer and shadow demons are definitely coming up in this fic. And Nico saw some future glimpse about the LBs which is why he told magnus to take care of them or sum shit. Oh and the Logan (?) guy with mal is the warlock. Also poison theory confirmed! -Leftover thoughts from Tuesday

just kill her now and end it. sigh

Max ignored that. “First…I think she has feelings for me.”

Really Max? You think?

And then he thought, if anyone other than David kisses me ever again, I will set myself on fire.

Oh damn. OH DAMN

pull..?

I dont like this...

“I…I can’t live without him,” Max whispered.

SHUT THE FUCK UP LEAVE ME ALONE

this is sad. I shall now cry

is this foreshadowing? to there being a way for this?'

“If a solution doesn’t exist,” Max said. “Then I will create one myself.”

I...FUCK

ABIGAIL OMG SHE IS EATING GRASS

Abigail is literally the best character in here

New beginnings are so beautiful

Okay but I know we're all worried for the entire mavid drama rn but I am particularly worried about lexi and liv.

they cant communicate. That's it. It was an issue when they first got "together" and then when they finally actually got together and it has clearly not changed one bit. Right now it's about moving in together, what will it be next? I remember thinking it was a little funny in part 1 and 2 but it's just concerning now. How will they work in the long term like this? Relationships cannot be built on miscommunications.

Anyway.

Need to see jace and gabriel bonding please and thank you. Jace's fears are totally valid though but I feel like he needs to actually get to know Gabriel.

He knew Magnus was struggling with his immortality lately.

oh :(

GIGI SAID OKAY IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER

omg MALEC AS GRANDPARENTS HJSAUIDIUIJLF

I love diego and alec so much

He saw two girls running across Angel Square, holding hands and trading soft kisses. Unafraid. Unbothered.

Beautiful.

Alec did this <3

“It’s called sexual tension, dad, jeez,” Max had scoffed when Alec had voiced his surprise.

YES!

the blackouts...fuck

oh we had one yesterday! not a magical one but it was in the middle of my nap...

They had an alliance. They protected each other. They helped each other.T hey trusted each other.

I am so proud of him too <3

Would literally die for him

Why was everyone taking so long to get ready? How long did it take to put something on? Five minutes???

DUDE??? WHAT??

Whenever I have to get ready for something, I kick everyone (my brother) from my room and lock the door for a good hour or 2. We just hosted a dinner last week...HOW THE FUCK DOES IT TAKE YOU 5 MINUTES-

“I know she is safe with you. I know however much I love her; Rafael loves her twice as much. Maybe thrice. I have no doubt that he will be a good husband. But Anjali is not just gaining a husband. She is gaining a whole new family.” “And I will protect her as I protect the rest of them,” Alec promised. “That’s all I needed to know,” Diego let out a deep exhale.

Just...no words

no warlocks here...fuck

magnus? you good?

FUCKING WARLOCK MATH

but like...damn he can do math...damn...

me @ me:

10?? 15?? DUDE??

oh my god his OUTFIT I WILL DIE

oh my god they're wearing a lehnga...fuckkkkkkkk

uhhkdhdshjds women

FUCK FUCK FUCK THE OUTFITS I WILL DIE OMG DAVID SELENA AND LEXI FUCK

i will actually pass out they are all so hot

Selena chuckled, realizing that this meant David had probably tried to take selfies with Chopin before.

proof or it didn't happen

I NEED THE MEHNDI DESIGNS BTW

LMAO SOON??? MEHNDI??? HILARIOUS JOKE SELENA

Gabriel...OH MY GOD

sigh...jace be nice

oh yeah logan YOUNG. and they are TWINS

She thought of all the young warlocks in the blacked out cities. They must be terrified of not being able to access their magic. She hoped they felt safe enough to reach out to their institutes.

omg...

GABRIEL AND SELENA OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE

the signal's been down for that long...?

fuck

also do not climb the twoers

FUCK

THE DEVICE

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I WILL KILL SOMEONE

“Anjali said the ceremony lasts past midnight,” Rafael informed. “So, you’re gonna stay put and play nice.”

Yeah! Welcome to a desi wedding, my loves <3

Today was about him. Him and his amor. Fuck everyone else.

HELL YEAH

his magic...the device

oh :( nooo that's so sad

they should be able to choose their own suggens properly

they're all so BEAUTIFUL

ABBY DO NOT EAT MEHNDI JHJDKFJD

What’s with all the gorgeous women today?

DUDE I KNOW RIGHT??

omg she's beautiful...

“Did you know that the colour of the mehndi has a deeper meaning?” Anjali’s mother asked him. “The darker it is, the happier your marriage will be.” “No pressure,” Rafael chuckled as he looked at Anjali. “Your hands better be red when you wash the mehndi off.”

THEM <333

She knew how to take his dreams and make them come true.

This!! oh my god this!!

I have a feeling something will go wrong

gun

ANJALI NO NO NO FUCK

ANJALI WHAT HAPPENED

I HAVE NO SCROLLED PAST THE FIRST "anjali"

I WILL DIE

NO

OH MY GOD

DIEGO AND DIVYA

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

nope nuh uh I am done goodbye

marcus. fucking marcus.

I...oh my fucking god...

THE MEMES IN THIS ONE KILLED ME.

ps - all of yall lusting after the white kurta has me cackling lol.

[wuttam]

Dont live Paycheck to Paycheck

You will amazed that one survey conducted in the USA shows that more than 50% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck. It is very horrible now and it will be more horrible if we don't find any measures to resolve this issue. Let us find out the solution.

Living paycheck to paycheck can be very frustrating, but there are steps to break this cycle. Let us look into

Create a financial plan: To create this just observe your income and expenditure for two months. This will give you a clear picture of where the money going. Also, it will give an idea about your money-spending habits. Write down your near-term and long-term requirements.

Create a separate account for the emergency fund: Just Aim to save six months of living expenses for the emergency fund. Remember fund is not for your daily spending habits. You have to use this fund only when there are emergencies of unexpected expenses or job loss.

Reduce expenses: Just sit back and brainstorm your daily monthly spending activities. Categorize what is needed what can be reduced and what can be avoided. For example, you can reduce dine-out. You can cancel some subscriptions or services.

Pay down debt: First six months don't look up debt but after that try to pay a debt that has higher interest rates.

Set up automatic saving: Set up auto deduction to your savings account. this will ensure that you save money before you start to spend.

Stop buying immediately of anything immediately without doing any analysis. First, analyze that thing whether it is your need or your want.

Control your food expenses ordering out or eating out may drain your pocket. Plan this perfectly also shop glossaries in quantities at wholesale rates so that spending on food will be reduced dramatically

Do not try to upgrade your lifestyle: This is most important. Keep living frugally as you can manage comfortably.

Set financial goals: How much money you want in the short term as well as in the long run that you must know. This will motivate you to reach your goals.

Build multiple income streams:-For this I will suggest you find your own skill. If you are a good speaker or good at any skill you can start showing that skill on a Youtube channel. If you are a book lover I suggest you start your own blog. For this Hostinger is a great platform to build your blog. Click here to open a Hostinger account. You can write here and monetize your content and earn huge money.

YouTube and blogs take a long time to pay back and if you want an immediate solution. Then you can go for forex trading which I do. but I will suggest learning with a demo account first. You can open your demo account on the world's best forex trading platform i.e. Exness.In the forex, you can start earning from the same day also.

[kael-writ]

Some thoughts for addicts just starting recovery:

- build up support around yourself. You need and deserve support, and even if you can't believe that you deserve it, you gotta know you need it. Lots of people are so happy to give it. They got help and they wanna pay it forward. They feel good about themselves when they help. They want you to succeed. You aren't putting them out. Helping you get clean is a mutual benefit to your community. And when you're clean and strong, you'll be there helping others too. So take all the help you can get, and know people do give joyfully out of love.

- Make plans. Short term and long term. How can you delay using for five minutes? What supplies can you get to cope with withdrawal? Make lists. A list of people to call. A list of things that calm you down besides drugs.

- Envision your sober self. Focus on it. What will you be able to achieve? How will you feel? See your body healing. Your mind clearing. Your life become more manageable. Keep your eyes on that future for yourself, a future you can and WILL achieve.

- It's particularly important to get MEDICAL help to manage chemical withdrawal from alcohol and other hard drugs.

- Take measures to prevent and deal with any potential mental health crisis. You need to be seeing a primary care doctor, a psychiatrist, and a therapist. Or as best as you can get to that. Your mental health has been mismanaged by this drug for a very long time, maybe from childhood or youth. You may not even be fully aware of what your sober mental

- Practice being comfortable with discomfort. Let it suck. Let it fuckin suck. Because whatever is happening, it will end. A panic attack for example will end. It ends, your body calms, and you got through it, without drugs.

- Be fucking honest. Be embarrassingly honest. Secrecy is addiction's friend. You want to defeat addiction? You tell everyone everything. You tell your mom, your best friend, your bartender (they know), your liquor store, everyone, you are an addict, you need help, you are entering recovery. You relapse? You tell someone you are accountable to. Every time. A sponsor, therapist, a friend who isnt a using addict.

- You're probably gonna have to end friendships. Your buddy who you kill half a case with every night is a great guy who would kill for you and die for you, but you are killing each other. The way to save each other might have to be to part from each other. Some of your best friends might end up going clean too and being your absolute best comrades in arms against this common enemy. but some of them will lead you back to the enemy. You can't be friends with anyone who will ask you, "are you sure? Come on." Sorry buddy, all my love, but I gotta cut you loose.

- Guilt and shame are addiction's other friends. I know they're mean girl friends who talk shit about addiction, but they're ultimately gonna drag you back to addiction. Being down on yourself is just gonna end in you sinking into the swamp of sadness. You gotta build yourself up. Yes, addiction can feel shameful, that's a normal way to feel. And lots of addicts, in desperation and intoxication, do shitty things like steal. Beating yourself up about it is just telling yourself you're not worth saving. And you fucking need saving right now. So you need to be telling yourself that you are trying to do something really hard and important because you care, and there are people who care about you, and you have a future worth fighting for.

You are not your addiction. You are a person.

- Know that addiction is a social justice issue, and a medical issue. People who devalue addicts as people the way they devalue unhoused people are fucking assholes. Fight to not internalize that shit. Dont let the bastards drag you down.

- Learn new ways of solving problems. For a long time, you thought all you had was a hammer, and you bashed your life to bits trying to solve every problem with your one solution. Now you are gonna have to figure out the right tools for actually solving these problems. You're gonna wanna learn to calm your body with breathing and meditation, for example.

- Sabotage the Future Addict. Throw fuckin everything away, throw every lighter away, purge your house, this is not you anymore, you are done. Think you might feel like buying a drink after work? Leave the house with no money except your bus fare and no ID. If you gotta move or change jobs, put in the work to get that rolling. Realize this is the most important thing you gotta do right now and fuck pretty much everything else..

- The mundane shit works and is good, actually. A lot of us got into this wanting to have fun, we may have been the bad kids, the cool kids. A tamer life may seem unattractive. We also tend to have extreme emotional issues. We tend to have been through Some Shit. So getting sleep and water may seem so trite. but I swear to god, I PROMISE you, if you commit to that shit and really do it, it fucking helps a lot. It adds the fuck up. You're gonna start feeling better.

Not just water and sleep but like, go for a goddamn walk, do a fucking crossword puzzle. You might find yourself enjoying something that calms your body and centers your mind.

- let go of the need for instant gratification. Good shit takes time. The same way this fuckin addiction crept up on you over time before it became this beast, so too will the healing take time. If you work out every day, you'll build muscle over time, not instantly. If you give up in a week cuz you're not buff, dont say it's because exercise can't work. You gotta keep at it.

- get new sober friends, or revisit old ones. Get into some sober activities. It's a lot easier to go hiking sober, it's hard to go to a bar sober, so go the fuck hiking and dont go to the bar. Sober groups exist to facilitate this.

- relapses happen. You don't have to let that destroy you. You wake up in the morning, you feel like shit, feel that withdrawal? Go empty anything left and call your person. Get the fuck back on the horse, do not give up.

- Know it gets easier. It gets so much easier and better. The end of the withdrawal period will come and go. You'll have your first moments of not thinking about it. Then days, then weeks of not wanting it. Then one day it'll be five years and guys you're gonna be so fuckin strong and proud and you'll never wanna go back.

[gjjokok]

33 - January 7, 2024

Wow it has been a long time since I have had to come here. In short, I have been going on dates with John Shen for a few months now and thought it was going well, but after this Thailand White Party trip he invited me to (which hopefully, whenever I re-visit these posts, I have completely wiped from my memory) we are obviously not dating and are actually not speaking at all. I just got off of a facetime call with Tommy where he talked me through everything I went through and gave his input and experiences with John, and I genuinely love Tommy so much and really appreciate him calling me. Even though I'm crying as I write this, I think it's so helpful that I have someone like him that cares enough to call me at 4am to talk about my feelings (oh yeah it's 5:24 AM and I am apparently jetlagged and not tired at all right now so who knows when I will sleep). Tommy has a boyfriend now and I'm so happy for him that he found someone. To be honest, I am kind of terrified that I am somehow being "left behind" since all of my close friends (both in Canada and in NYC) are finding significant others, but maybe that's an entry for another time.

I write this entry tonight to get out how angry I am at John. I hate seeing and typing out his name, but I cant stop crying tonight and maybe this is the best solution.... i dont know. Some taylor swift quotes guiding my current mental state. "Seeing the shape of your name, it just spells out pain." "Writing letters addressed to the fire."

John:

I am genuinely grateful you included me in your plans for this trip in the first place. I had some amazing experience this trip that I wouldn't have had if you didn't ask me to go with you, and if you didn't know interest in me.

Having said this, I am so angry at you for making me feel like this. I haven't been so angry at someone in such a long time. It hurts to have someone lose interest in you, but it is entirely different to have someone lose interest in you without them telling you, and to have them just start being mean and indifferent towards you as a person. I can't believe that when I finally gathered the courage to ask you what was wrong, instead of sympathy for the horrible situation we were in, you instead were angry at me for discussing my feelings since it ruined the vibe of the trip. I genuinely hate being angry at being and I think it is a waste of energy, but I don't know what other emotion to feel right now. Despite some of the amazing experiences in Thailand, you could have told me that you weren't sure how you feel about me and I would have stayed in NYC and had a great NYE with my friends here. I haven't cried this much in such a long time, and even though I know I am overly emotional, I resent you for making me feel like this. You made me feel really safe and comfortable for a couple of months while we were dating, and genuinely you are one of the reasons I didn't need to make any diary entries for so long. Even though deep down I knew that we werent a perfect fit and I never saw a long term relationship for us, you at least made me feel welcomed and desired as a person. This is why it hurts so much to have you change your feelings for me in less than 24 hours. In the future, I know that I will look back on this and it will be a good learning experience, and I hope I can apply anything I learned from this in future relationships. I just hope I can get over this anger some time soon.

I am so happy and relieved to be back in NYC and I was surrounded by so many friends who care about me and care about my feelings, but I still have so much resentment that you got to just continue the trip and have fun with your friends in Singapore while I'm here alone in my Brooklyn apartment crying at 5:37 AM.

It helps writing this here instead of actually texting, since I genuinely do not want to hear from you and I know anything you would respond would be (at best) apathetic.

Lastly, I really do love myself as a person and I love the people that I surround myself with, and that makes it even more frustrating that you have somehow made me feel so horrible for the past 2 weeks. Having failed situationships and talking stages and having people lose interest hurts, but I just cant believe you would treat me so poorly after we got to know each other for months. I am so angry but I hope it goes away soon.

Ok to cap this off, here are the lyrics from "nobody likes a secret" by Lizzy McAlpine.

"I hold my anger in my stomach and i'm starting to have side effects from hating you this much

No explanation just a quote in a magazine where you said you only dated me for fun

And I'm paraphrasing now but the gist of it was how you never loved me, only in it for the sex

And I really dont get how you can say that and be proud of it

We both know you were in deeper than that

Nobody likes a secret and I was always yours

It's almost been a year and even so I still don't know what for"

I BETTER be over this in a year holy shit

[baptistsuicidewidow]

Today this song was in my head, which is easy since it's a repetitive thing I made up while it was recording back in 2017 or so. The song tries to illustrate how no one close to you has met 100% of your expectations, and every human has disappointing moments, even yourself.

I think I need to compile a list of songs that make me feel better during this time.

Anyway, music is such a weird topic for me in general, and now it just got even weirder. I used to be obsessed with the vanity of being 'in the know' with THE BEST NEW MUSIC... I wasted an embarrassing amount of time on that. Music was like an idol for me. Then I got hyper into Christianity, and I didnt know what to do with myself, since here I was stuck with snobby tastes. I abandoned music with lyrics for awhile, and then eventually abandoned music for awhile.

But now that I'm driving, and my car isnt new enough to have Bluetooth setup, I find myself needing some music.

When I learned that my husband did NOT kill himself in our new van, I was relieved. If he had, I for sure would have to sell it/wouldn't be able to drive in it. (To this day I still dont know exactly how he did it..., I just know it was in the basement). So when I first went to the house to collect what all was needed for the next week, I was also able to pick up the van and start heading for Sterling, IL.

My husband was the type that would listen to a cd over, and over, and over, and over without ever seeing the need to change the music. Most of his favorite music was not 'my jam', as he really actually preferred barbershop quartets singing hymns, and 'Gaither music'.

So out of curiosity, I turned on the cd player and tried to appreciate his music anew.

It wasn't long until this cd made me physically sick and weirded out. The cd's theme is fixated on how exciting going to heaven is. How we just cant wait to get to heaven. I couldn't help but imagine my husband in the basement all alone with these damn songs running around his confused mind before he did what he did.

I turned off the cd immediately. Tried to listen to anything else. I've stayed in that mode ever since, even to the point of listening to secular radio, which isn't a good long-term solution. I threw the cd away. I kept going to church and one church I attended anonymously just sang song after song about how excited we all are about heaven. I just cried the whole time.

I do not like these songs now-Can't sing them.

I keep thinking, "How about we get excited for living our lives for Christ down here, huh?" I can guarantee you that I won't be singing these 'sweet release of death' songs anytime soon.

It's as Paul wrote:

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live in the flesh, this is the fruit of my labour: yet what I shall choose I wot not. For I am in a strait betwixt two, having a desire to depart, and to be with Christ; which is far better: Nevertheless to abide in the flesh is more needful for you. Philippians 1:21-24

We needed Jeremiah. I need him. It was VERY needful for him to stay. I wish he finished his runaway train of thought with the following verses as Paul concludes:

And having this confidence, I know that I shall abide and continue with you all for your furtherance and joy of faith; That your rejoicing may be more abundant in Jesus Christ for me by my coming to you again. Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; Philippians 1:25-27

So here I try to stand fast. Striving. And I hope after God's healing and time I can get back to what was our household's favorite thing to do, and give the gospel of Jesus again.

[gakomondad]

Day 2 - Overthinking

I slept a lot, not wanting to get up Memories are painful Need constant distraction

I still dont know if baby wanted to break up but didnt want to hurt me so she tried going for an easier route I still of course dont know if she wont miss me and will decide she doesnt want to be with me after time But it hurts But I trust her so that makes it easier, just gotta shift mind to that manualy and I feel better (:

Looking back I feel like communication would have helped, I had no idea I was that heavy for her It came out of the blue to me despite how down she felt before that, I thought I only helped I made it difficult for her tho

I got super emotional but pushed down so I can talk it out and convince her we can be a partnership and communicate and figure it out, but later I let my emotions out and I regret it

I felt like I meant so little to her that she didnt wanna figure out a solution, thats how it felt, so I wanted to be away for a bit I didnt realize that might play right into her issues with the relationship by worrying about me and what she should do

I feel like baby was trying to be a constant pleaser to me, I didnt realize until today Putting so much effort into the little things, when her life is already tough…. I couldnt handle that myself in her shoes... Im deeply sorry... And when the effort is crushed… like how I unintentionally made her feel bad… then it just seems like a trap situation where work is hard and for no reason

I am not sure if thats the case but I could understand if so looking back I really hope we could establish better communication and a feeling of equality Babys needs are just as important, but I need to know them! She is not responsible for my happiness, I am a grown ass man (: She can influence me of course, the same way I can her But there needs to be clear communication in a safe accepted space So we can adjust I should do a better job making her comfortable and not feel responsible for me, thats entirely on me! She could put trust in that operation and test it out (: I hope I do a better job, will work on myself rn and long term

I wouldnt mind giving space, not just alone time I feel that one of my other mistakes were not giving her space but talking to her I keep on wondering if I only didnt share how I felt and I was stronger, while giving her space instead… maybe it would be good.. But I wouldnt have the realization until now…… such is life And thats okay

Learn and move on (:

I can find a balance within myself now with better understand but also need to work on that long term Will need to establish comfort for baby so she feels independent and comfortable to bring up anything I am neither her parent nor child, I can handle stuff (: we should communicate as equals !!! Especially would be easier if its small stuff while its going on, little concerns, makes it difficult for both when its all at once But that will also get better with time and is understandable for rn (: My therapy appointment is moved to the 31st of October, I hope that gives me some clarity… its still 10am rn… will see how the day goes Therapist sent me an email with a test to do... I am procrastnating on that haha, will do it during lunch time tomorrow (:

Just some random thoughts: Moving on if we were to do this, we might benefit from a weekly relationship mental wellness check with preset questions and safe space like: "how do you feel about us" "Is there something weighing on your shoulders about us" "What is something you haven't shared with me this week for whatever reason, its valid and its welcome, I will do my best to provide a safe space for expression" "Is there something that looking forward might not be sustainable, maybe too much of this or that, that you would like us to adjust so it doesnt turn into a bigger thing later?" "Please share if any worries of this weeks events with me"

Mostly cause what happened was a big deal and I would prefer if I was making things easier for baby instead of heavier, no matter how, be it with space or whatever (: we can communicate better, I can provide more comfort for both of us

It should not be seen as a responsibility tho, should be seen as an opportunity to make things better even if its a bit of extra work, making things sustainable would be much much better (: Should always be honest, maybe the most difficult part

I wish I could have wished baby a safe flight.... She's was on my mind anyway, I really hope all went well and she is doing okay.... fuck I miss her... 😩 I went to see my parents today, people were concerned about me cause I was more honest this past week about my mental health the past year... actually ever since 16 and how I've been to therapy on and off They seemed concerned and understanding, I am being more vulnerable, I think I am gonna try to not close off but just stay in the middle with them, not open too much, nor close off, I think thats just the healthy way as of rn I just want something sustainable and to work on my attachment style (: Went to see Jaws with my uncle and his wife The movie was goood, I actually really liked it, no wonder its a classic! At the end my Uncle said "keep strong", mofos are getting too concerned like wth, I havent changed stuff, I EVEN AM BETTER than a year ago 😩 Anyway... I feel weird saying uncle and his wife but I cant call her aunt, she is like 5 years older than me They are so cute together, she doesnt care about people and being social, just wants to be alone or with him At the mall food floor, my uncle was on the phone for a long time so she pulled him by his belt and slapped his butt, he got embarassed hahaha Man I wanna be adored that way in public 😩 Maybe I just wanna be happy like them He really loves her and takes care of her and he's happy, I love that! She also really loves him, I can see that, she is happy! They also are caring for me and are really nice... I feel grateful My dude got a good looking russian woman thats close to 20 years younger to wife up while he's unemployed, bald and she is the breadwinner and on top of that she loves him, thats it... He used to have women in his life for his money when work was going well, superficial relationships... He wasnt happy... not like this Its a weird world but I am very glad for them, been seeing them almost every week, skipped last weekend... good stuff (: Anyway, I worked a little today, doing laundry and will relax soon I miss my baby, I hope she is doing well I hope her move was alright I hope her stuffy nose got better and she is healing well (: This blog stuff kinda keeps me sane so far ngl Final thing, I don't blame baby for anything... not at all What happened was inevitable and probably good long term We will learn and move on (: Ill do my best to meet baby as a better man...

[moisummertime]

The past few weeks living in Bandung again has been pretty tough if I can say. adjusting myself to this old dynamic which I don't really like feels pretty scary most of the time. I'm scared that I will be like these people who live, work, breed, and die in the same place. Kinda weird to be honest when I think about it again. I wouldnt have this kind of fear if I lived in a chilly place like Bali. I wouldn't mind planting my root there. So, I think it's not really about the idea of living a life of a rat race that is conventional. I mean at the end of the day it's up to me, and maybe my futur partner on how we want to live our lives. I dont need to follow traditional system, I dont have the need to be accepted, I need to be comfortable with my values. I mean the life I'm living is still also a rat race, just more flexibility. I get used to waking up and working. No need to have a long commute or anything. It's a privilege for sure. Having more flexibility and a relaxed work environment. But yea, it's not really something that I can rely on the long term so I try to make the most of my time here. I should consider my natural timing when I move around. It was very exhausting emotionally to be back here. I really wish that I could stay longer in Bali to avoid this mad stuff. Although I know I had to learn to stay patient with my current living condition before I start to take off again. It would be nice to have company who can listen to me venting about this. Thankfully my boss were there lol All I need is just venting, being angry at what life gives me then moving on. Venting is definitely important for me. I always have the need to do this. Just complaining and complaining and that's it. no need advice or anything or have people telling me to be understood or even have one solve my life problem. Venting is just a good thing for my stress. Like what I'm doing here by writing all these stuffs, I'm currently venting lol

2022 is probably the year where I continue to burn so many bridges. I mostly burn bridges with men from my past and friend that I don't think I can continue a friendship with. I'm not sad when I burn bridges with some asshole, but with some friends, I'm pretty sad and upset. Maybe I expect too much, but yea I just don't believe in second chance. There were so many examples where I welcome them again and lower my ego down and all I get is another disappointment. So, I just start to do things by my rules, whether they like it or not. On some Special case, I do try to be more assertive and accommodating. In some situations where there's a problem, being open and communicative is def the best solution. I mean It's probably the perfect conflict management model but people are different. Being nonassertive and avoidant is difficult. Although I somehow understand that confrontation can be scary and people may get hurt, in my opinion, to have more clarity of certain situation is better than suddenly one being extra quiet and avoidant, and suddently become friendly again like wtf. I always need to talk it out so we can have a better understanding of what to do next to avoid similar things happening. Disagreements, fights, conflicts, can be very important and significant lessons in one's life. Sure, I can always burn bridges, but for some I just want to keep them around and try to approach things gentler. I meditate every day and I can't even be compassionate with people, that's just hypocrites. Why do I even meditate in the first place? I'm still learning to be more gentle, to love and understanding, accepting, be more patience, kinda difficult for a bitch like me but I'm not gonna stop learning :3