#and i feel bad about feeling bad bc i'm sure anon didn't mean to come off that way but

[moviecritc]

Hi! Could you do a driver!reader who is dating Max and is in ferrari and the whole Carlos thing is happening to her so in Australia she ignores team orders and goes to win the race. Charles is mad at her and in the post race interview when asked about it she is just like "Happy multi 21 day everyone" and like Max is so fucking proud his gf is in her reputation era 💅💅💅

on the edge ⋆ max verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x driver!reader

word count: 1.7K

warnings: charles leclerc being himself (a bitch)

a/n: this is my first request it makes me very very happy!! thanks anon for your request, i hope you like this. i love max with all my heart and i love writing about him aswell.

just wanted to tell you guys that for the requests you can ask for reader and oc, even though when it's not a request it'll probably be an oc bc i love to give names to my characters <3

masterlist | wattpad | letterboxd

Y/N didn't have a seat for the upcoming Formula 1 season, and that stressed her out quite a bit. She and Charles had been teammates for three years, and she really thought Ferrari would keep her on the team, but upon learning that Lewis Hamilton was leaving Mercedes, they were the first to snatch him up and turn their backs on her.

Now she had two options: give up, pray to sign with Williams or Haas, or outperform herself this season and force her way into one of the top five teams. And for now, she had chosen the second option. P3 in the first race and in the top five in the second. She was extremely motivated for Australia.

Y/N loved the view of the fireworks from the podium, the champagne, and, above all, celebrating with Max Verstappen. Because let's not lie, it was obvious that Max would be on most of the podiums.

They kept their relationship out of the media. Being coworkers, neither of them wanted their relationship to hinder their success in Formula 1, but that didn't mean they didn't support each other every time the other achieved something.

Max had been with her throughout her Formula 1 career. They were the same age, but when Max debuted in the competition, she was still in Formula 2, battling against Albon and Russell for the title. A year before his debut, Y/N got a spot at Alpha Tauri as a reserve driver. It was in that year that Max and she started a relationship, at first quite casual and sporadic until they realized they were too obsessed with each other not to formalize it. And four years later, they were still together, sharing an attic in Monaco and competing together for the championship.

"It's going to be great for both of us, I'm sure," Y/N nodded. Before each race, they had a kind of ritual where they wished each other good luck, hugged, and kissed.

"I see a Y/Nstappen 1-2," Max assured before giving her a long kiss, resting his arms on his girlfriend's waist.

"I hope so,"

"Oh, come on. You're starting fourth, it'll be bad if you don't get on the podium," Max said. He knew her situation in Formula 1 was tense and did everything he could to make her feel good and positive. Max loved racing with her, and if she ended up off the grid next season, he would probably suffer from seasonal depression.

They kissed once more and were about to hug when someone knocked on Max's door to get them to the drivers' parade. They couldn't complete their little ritual, but neither of them gave it too much importance.

They went out to the parade where she was asked about her future in Formula 1, as they had been doing since the season started. That also annoyed her, would it always be like this from now on? Would everything be oriented towards whether she was unemployed or not? She answered with the best smile she could and ended the interview as quickly as possible.

She returned to Max, who was leaning on the fence of the truck they were being taken in for the parade. She leaned on the railing, holding it with her hands. Then Max discreetly placed his hand on hers, making her smile at the contact. Max wasn't very fond of physical contact, but if he could manage to brush against her shoulder, he would, maintaining professionalism wasn't as easy as it seemed.

"How's it going, mates?" Surprisingly, Leclerc approached them to start a conversation, first fist bumping with Max and then with Y/N, pressing his lips a little.

Their relationship as teammates was quite complicated at the moment. She was killing it in the few races that had passed, while Charles was just doing okay. Plus, although when Y/N joined the team, Charles and she had gotten along very well, that year they had been growing apart for obvious reasons.

They talked for a while about the race and expectations, especially Max and Charles, while Y/N disconnected from the situation a bit. Sometimes she was surprised that Charles and Max got along so well.

"Good luck today, Y/N," Charles said before leaving with Gasly.

Y/N blinked and looked at Max, puzzled. "What did he mean by that?"

"What do you mean?" Max frowned a little.

"He wished me luck, as if he thought I needed it," she insisted, biting her cheek.

"Everyone needs some luck, Y/N," Max said, knowing how nervous she could get when something didn't fit in her head.

"He didn't say anything to you," Y/N argued, crossing her arms.

"I mean…" Max tilted his head a little, eliciting a little smile from Y/N. "Don't dwell on it too much, you'll do great."

She loved that, how Max was able to lift her spirits in any situation, getting a little smile out of her. She loved him for that.

The parade ended, and they each went to their garage, fist bumping as a farewell because anything else would cause a stir in the media. In the Ferrari garage, her engineer commented on the strategies that focused on supporting and defending Charles even if he started two positions below her.

She gave Charles a short glance before going to the cars and taking their respective positions. It’s light and away we go. Y/N was so focused on passing Lando Norris that she didn't realize her boyfriend was no longer in first place, actually, he wasn't there anymore. She asked the engineers what had happened; Max had had some problems with the brakes and had retired from the race. "Don't fuck with me," she said, not fully believing it. "Is Max okay?"

"We don't know, focus on the race," her engineer emphasized.

"When you know, tell me, please," Y/N added, without receiving a response. There had been no accident, no red flag, so he was probably fine. But if there was smoke and sparks, there was always a chance that something had happened to him in the pits.

Y/N took a couple of breaths and refocused on the race. She looked on the bright side; she was third and had a chance to win. A few laps later, she managed to overtake Lando Norris. She pitted, and in the last third of the race, she was in first place. Behind her was Charles, so she thought they would change the strategy, and he would be the one defending the position.

"Y/N, let Charles pass," her engineer said, taking her by surprise.

"What?" Y/N practically shouted. "But I'm in first,"

"They're team orders, let him pass,"

"He's slow! He's over half a second behind me, letting him pass will make me slow down!" She couldn't believe this was happening.

"Y/N."

"If he can overtake me, let him, but I'm not letting him pass. I'm winning this fucking race."

And so it was. Y/N crossed the finish line first, and when she got out of the car, Max was there to greet her with a hug. He tried to make her not notice that there were hardly any people from her team there, but Y/N realized it, and her gaze darkened a little. Still, Charles came second, and when he parked his car, several Ferrari mechanics went to congratulate him.

Max watched Y/N, worried that she would take it badly. But then he saw her exchange a triumphant

look with Charles, who, upon seeing her, turned serious. And if that wasn't enough, she blew a kiss to Charles and then went with Max, who put an arm around her shoulders.

"That was incredible," Max said.

"The race or Charles's face?" she questioned, with an ironic smile.

"Both. I thought you'd be sad because there was no one to greet you,"

"You were there,"

"From your team, I mean," Max explained.

"You and I are a team, Maxie. Have you never thought about that?" She looked at him with a smile. "You're right, we are,"

"Are you okay?" Y/N asked. "I got quite worried when you DNF’d."

"I'm okay, no serious damage,"

"And emotionally?"

"I'm fine. Proud of you, above all," Max nodded. "Now go celebrate your podium, I'll be watching you from below,"

They gave each other a brief kiss on the cheek, not caring too much about the cameras; she had just won the race, she deserved at least a kiss from her boyfriend. She received her prize with a smile and celebrated the podium with Charles and Lando, more with Lando than with Charles. The McLaren driver had congratulated her countless times that day, but Charles barely spoke to her.

"Are you okay, mate?" Y/N asked, knowing what was coming.

"You didn't follow team orders," Charles said directly.

"Oh, right. That," she shrugged, raising her eyebrows. "You came second, Charles. It's not that bad,"

"Damn, but if they tell you to let me pass, you let me pass. What does it matter to you?" he raised his voice a little.

"What does it matter to you? You have your golden seat at Ferrari. Some of us have to work really hard to have a seat, crazy, right?" Y/N rolled her eyes with a smile and turned around, leaving Charles with a word on his lips.

Y/N reached the interview area, where Lando and Oscar were doing their respective interviews.

"Y/N! You won the race by disobeying team orders, does it feel the same as winning a race fair and square?" a man asked.

"Fair and square? I was fast enough to cross the line first, the rest weren't. I think that's how a race is supposed to be won," she argued. She smiled widely; she saw Max was also around, waiting for his turn for interviews.

"Don't you have any remorse?" he questioned.

"Not one,"

She ended the interview after that; she didn't feel like explaining. As she turned around, she found Max with an almost mischievous smile. They fist bumped, and he went to do the interview. "Max, can we ask you about the win of your girlfriend?"

"About Y/N,"

"Yes, about Y/N," he nodded.

"I'm extremely proud of her, it's her second victory, and even though I had to retire, I'm glad she won this race,"

"Even given the circumstances of the victory?" the reporter questioned.

"With the circumstances of the victory," Max assured with a broad smile.

[pansyfemme]

that anon is wild. not only incredibly assumptive of your situation and condescending, but also.... bro, i also feel weird talking to my therapist about sex and it's not bc i have a personal connection w her or that she's bad at her job or whatever, it's bc sex is hard to talk about!!! especially in a society that is constantly trying to convince us that we're all deviants for even acknowledging sex as a concept. id like to put anon in a doctors office w their 2nd grade teacher and see how comfortable they are talking about sex lmfaoooo

i mean i guess i get where they're coming from because like. i did mention specifically that i'm pretty close to him and also didn't mention in my original post that it is something i have discussed with him but like.. its pretty normal to not be comfortable talking about some topics with therapists. i struggle with newer people i'm working with because i'm not comfortable enough- but he's someone i'm extremely open with because he knows things about me no one else does and i trust him with my health. sure i struggle talking about adult topics but i think taking one post about my struggle and telling me to get a new therapist is a little much for me!! like that's not their call and as someone who's been through a lot of therapy and a lot of different therapists, this is more one tangent in a web of other stuff. i've considered if theres someone else i can talk to about it with but also.. he does need to know the baselines of stuff like that, it's pretty important. i just sometimes struggle because like i've said, i remember what it was like when i first started seeing him. it's a lot for me to realize he's watched me grow up, essentially. he's someone i trust more than any other doctor i've ever worked with, and i'm not giving that up quite yet, just have to find work around with certain things. impartiality is good, but it's important to me that i can trust someone, especially in a field like mental health where i've had my trust betrayed a lot. so i'm okay with being close with a therapist, i don't consider him a friend, it's very much a one-way relationship, but it is definitly a deeper trust than i've had with most people because he's consistantly helped me and had my best interest in mind, which is really important to me when i add someone to my care team.

[dearweirdme]

I thank you for your detailed answer and I understand that things must not be easy for closeted ppl specially with their level of fame and I understand now the importance of choosing a bit more of artistic freedom and freedom in general but I still think that him agreeing to do this was one of the worse things he could have done for his career and i also feel now that him choosing to publicly do a lot of things that very much pointed at him and jk being together was really distasteful, I never would have thought this before but I just don't see the point of him wishing to make a point about his relationship with jk at all after doing what he did, I really wonder what was he thinking? Ppl won't take him seriously, won't take that relationship seriously at all, he's just harming his image bc he had that mediaplay above his head. There's just a lot of ppl thinking he's been gaybaiting all along instead of defending his gf, I guess this probably was important to him, sharing a bit about his real self while everyone was believing lies but it was such a bad choice now that I see it in retrospective. I didn't it take like that at all when all of this was happening I guess I just felt relieved that this hadn't changed and that he was still fighting but now it's like what are you even fighting? You did that and no one is going to seriously see anything statement in what you do with your bandmate, no one. And this will continue like that unless they ever come out which I doubt it will ever happen considering the choices they made. I remember even being somewhat upset back then for what I took as jk distancing himself from Tae publicly when I thought he needed the support the most but now I understand that he did it bc what is even the point in contradicting in any way a mediaplay he took part of and that has a purpose they must have agreed, was needed.

I really wish things would have been different and that Tae would have acted different, it's the way I'm 100% sure that tk are together and I have been for years and I still feel disappointed and I know is my fault for putting ppl I dont know personally into pedestals but it's just like I'm finding out that Tae is not as cool and brave as the person I had in my head and that also most ppl won't ever see him like that too and all the opposite bc of that mediaplay and the way he chose to act after it.

Seeing twt and TikTok and basically every platform after this is having a reminder that ppl really do see him as a coward, liar and a loser, even armys and idk when this will change, I don't think this at all bc i know it's not the truth and I used to get really defensive but now I have to accept that this are consequences of the choices he made, this and ppl never taking queerness related to him as anything but a joke or queerbaiting or fans deliriums

Hi anon!

responding to this ask:

Sorry for being late to respond to this, I've been sick these last couple of days (still feel awfull and pretty ligthheaded honestly, so If I seem weirder than usual... that's probably why.. also, I'm probably making more spellingmistakes than usual😶). I have had plenty of time to think about this though, because both this ask and your former one made me actually really sad... and I did want to think through why you felt like this, and why my feelings are so opposite. So here I go, and I don't mean to be harsh or insult, but at the same time.. this is how I feel.

We all have our own ideas about who we think an artist is. I think it is very clear that amongst fandom, there are many differetn thoughts going around about who Tae and Jk are as persons... what they are like on the inside. When we form an idea about who we think someone is, we also start getting expectations... and I think that is why it's almost unavoidable that at one point we get a bit dissapointed. It can be small disappointements (like, not liking an add, or a song, or that they smoke) but it can also be big dissapointments... like the one you are feeling right now. I think this also ties in with how so many were feeling negatively towards Jk when he didn't act how many wanted him to during Tae's Layover. Expectations were set (because of them being Tkk, but also because of how many perceived his actions during Jm's Face), and he failed misserably in many eyes.... but I digress.

We don't really know them well enough to be able to have that kind of expectations though.... especcially when it comes to their private lives (and when we talk about their closet, or their relationship... that is what those are). As Tkkrs we feel very connected to Tae and Jk. So much so, that at times we feel as though we are fighting alongside them. We make their battle ours. But ultimately it isn't. We can support them, and we definitely should.... but we should at the same time be aware that it is THEIR lives. Only they know the inns and outs of their lives, only they know what's at stake for real.. so they are the only ones who get to decide. So I understand that you might feel dissapointed because you feel you've been fighting for them so hard and now one of them made a choice that to you doesn't fit with what you think you've been fighting for... but at the same time I think you are wrong, because.. we don't know what it is that they are fighting for, and we don't know the exact inns and outs of their lives.

Personally, I've never fully felt as though they are fighting hard to be able to come out or to show us that they are romantically together. I just think that's not even an option for them at this point, both from a business perspective and a private perspective. There's a few instances where I feel Tae went a bit further (the insta pic before Paris, him posting only Jk and Bam before enlisting, the matching T-shirts). To me most of the other stuff is just them living their lives adn things we pick up on because we pay attention. So your and my starting point is different, I don't see them/Tae a someone who has been "wishing to make a point about his relationship with Jk". I think he has wanted to.. very much so, but don't think it is realistic to think that he wanted to out them. Your sentence "Ppl won't take him seriously, won't take that relationship seriously at all"... that's kinda what this is all about right, we're not supposed to take it seriously in a way. Because if everyone would take them seriously, they would be out.

Being in a shipping fandom will forever be weird. Would I reccommend it to anyone.. well, no 😂. It comes with a lot of highs but also with a lot of lows and I consider it to be a neverending rollercoaster of emotions in which you will actaully get bitchslapped from time to time. We will forever be fandom's punching bag. Are we to blame Tae and Jk for that? I personally don't.. and I've though about this hard the last few days. But my answer has continously been that: no, they didn't choose this. It's society that's wrong. That does not mean that I think they can never do anything wrong, there's things that would go too far for me as well. But imo that's not the case here. He did one walk, we don't know what he expected the fan response to be. Maybe he was expecting us all to brush past it with force like we do so many times. Maybe he thought it would have past already with that bua (which is what often happens). You are making a lot (!) of assumptions on his thought process and motives, when in reality we know nothing about it.

We know nothing about the actual hardships they have gone through. When I try to imagine what feelings they must've had throughout all these years of hiding is bad though. It's not just a case of not holding hands whne the camera's are off. It comes with being shamed, with feeling afraid, with feeling alone, with feeling wrong, with feeling you should let the other go because your just an obstacle to them, with feeling like maybe you should just leave, with feeling like you are letting everyone down... and that's just what I can imagine. We don't know the specific memories that haunt them. We know Tae has had mental health problems. To me it is not unimaginable that being closeted had a big part in that. I also think he always put the band before his own needs (wanting to resign for the members). I think the situation has been much more dire than any of us can guess. So when Tae chose an option (and we don't even know which other options there were) to maybe get some more freedom in at least one part of his life, I just think of him and his situation with a lot of empathy.

I suppose all the Taennie insanity from last week has bothered you. And maybe it made you feel as though we will never get rid of them. While I do think Taennie will have a bit of a long term effect, it's more in the sense of every now and then there will be an article refering to a rumored relationship. Taennies themselves will disapear sooner or later (as soon as Jennie is spotted with someone else basically). They are desparate, their ship meant nothing and is basically an empty vessel. Their is no real depth to it. I was kinda joking a while ago by saying I'll get a Jkk like essay in my inbox soon... but honeslty, Taennies aren't even able to leave an in depth essay.. because they have only bits of similar jewelry and edited pictures.

I have often said that Tae and Jk's relationship with Tkkr-fandom must be a complex one. It's a very onesided one, and I think we have to make amends with the fact that it's always going to be a one-sided one. That doesn't mean they don't appreciate us, but it does mean that they will probably never act out their appreciation.

[svltzmans]

for worse or for better - h.m.

a/n: good morning! another banger request from ??? anon lets all thank them for their contributions to my blog 😭 this is the last fic in my request box so if any of y'all have something in mind you want me to write now is the perfect time to send it in <3

warnings: kinda angsty??? but then fluffy so its fine <3, mentions of periods, unnecessary cursing bc i am a sailor

y/n knew when she woke up that her day wasn't going to go well.

the squeezing pains in her abdomen had already started, and she wasn't having it. not even a little.

messily making her bed and getting dressed, she realizes that even the most mundane of tasks are stressing her out.

much to her dismay, she still had to go to class. and wickery practice, and to study group, and...

ugh.

more than anything else, y/n just wants to stay in bed. maybe shed a few tears and order a pizza. but that is a complete pipe dream.

"y/n! hi!"

it's lizzie, and she's in an annoyingly good mood.

"hey," y/n manages, her mood shining through in her tone.

lizzie feigns a frown. "someone didn't sleep well, huh?"

"i slept fucking fine, if you must know," y/n sneered, becoming irritated by lizzie's ever present charm.

"jeez, y/n. i'm gonna walk away now."

and she does, and y/n immediately feels bad. she knows she's pretty irritable on her period, but she thought she'd be able to control it.

but as it turns out, she's not in as much control as she thought.

y/n takes her usual seat in potions class, usually right next to her girlfriend, hope.

except hope's not there when class starts, and y/n is irritated. the one person that makes her feel better decided not to show up.

she sighs, resting her chin in her arms. she knew class would feel extra long without hope next to her, cracking jokes and sharing the doodles she draws instead of focusing and taking notes.

an hour finally goes by after what feels like three, and y/n is exhausted. she knows she has to go to wickery practice or face the wrath of penelope park.

does she care about that? not much, but she forces herself to change into a t-shirt and gym shorts and make her way to the field. she's sure hope will come eventually, considering that wickery is much more fun than potions class.

the team has already started practicing when y/n arrives, and she decides to just jump in.

making a few decent passes, she thinks her day might just be turning around. still with no sight of hope, y/n's disappointment grows in the pit of her stomach.

she forgets about her misfortune momentarily when she spots lizzie, preparing for the next play. she makes her way over, feeling unnerved that the blonde is still angry about earlier.

"lizzi-"

"y/n, don't apologize. i have a period too."

"how did you...?"

"i just know. that's the only time you ever act like that. well, that and when you haven't had caffeine in a couple of days."

"you know me a little too well. now, give me the ball."

toward the end of practice, y/n sits down on the bench, sipping some water. she scans the field for hope, thinking she might have missed her, but she's nowhere to be found.

it's not exactly unlike hope to miss class, and maybe even an occasional wickery practice, but y/n is getting frustrated. she hasn't seen her girlfriend all day, and hope hadn't made any effort to see her.

as if her thoughts could be read, hope plops down next to her, in her wickery uniform.

"what'd i miss?," she asks, placing a gentle kiss on y/n's cheek as she settles.

"uh, well, where do i start? potions, almost all of wickery practice... where have you been all day?"

"dr. saltzman needed me, we had to go-"

"well why didn't you tell me, hope? i've been worried about you. you can't just disappear all day. you didn't even put in any effort to let me know that i wouldn't see you at all today."

with that, y/n stands and starts walking away. she knows she needs to be alone before she starts saying worse things she doesn't mean.

hope is left completely blindsided by y/n's reaction to her presence. y/n never gets frustrated in that way, especially not with her. she figures something must be bothering her, and without much consideration at all, she comes to a conclusion.

after coming down from her anger high, y/n is consumed with guilt from the way she treated both hope and lizzie. she at least had attempted to apologize to lizzie, even though lizzie had practically done all the work for her.

she decided that she couldn't face hope, not like this. she is almost ashamed of the way her eyes are puffy from the tears that had streamed (and are still slightly streaming) down her flushed face.

just as y/n starts to prepare to sleep, there's a quiet knock on the door.

"y/n? it's me, are you in there?"

it's hope, and y/n decides that she has to talk to her eventually.

"yeah, i'm here," she mutters, voice still weak from crying.

hope creaks open the door, shutting it gently behind her, and sits at the foot of y/n's bed.

"are you okay?"

"totally fine."

"it looks like you've been crying."

"nope. just... allergies."

a silence falls between them, with a worried look on hope's face as y/n avoids her gaze.

"y/n..."

before hope can even start her sentence, tears are welling in y/n's eyes. she crossed her fingers that hope wouldn't notice, but soon the few tears turned into a small stream.

hope moves closer, wrapping her arms tightly around y/n's torso. "oh, baby... it's okay. you're okay," she whispers, gently scratching the back of y/n's head.

"hope... i am so sorry, i don't know what got into m-"

"shh, hey, it's okay. i understand. i get a period too, you know."

"lizzie said the same thing! like exactly!"

y/n can't help but laugh, and hope soon joins her.

"c'mon, let's get some rest, yeah?"

"only if you'll stay tonight."

"y/n, if you think i'm going anywhere, you have lost your damn mind. but, i think i need to borrow some of your pajamas..."

"say less."

before she knows it, y/n is dead asleep, hope's arm draped lightly over her girlfriend.

hope pulls her closer, planting a light kiss on her forehead.

"sleep tight, don't let penelope park bite," she whispers, giggling quietly to herself.

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

tbh you're losing me just made me feel sorry for both but also very empathetic toward joe. and this is coming from someone whose last relationship ended a lot like this and someone who was taylor in that relationship. back then i was just so hurt but over time i learned i also played a part in it ending and did things i shouldn't have. it sucks but truth is that they just weren't suited for each other anymore. and ik people will try and make this about how joe sucks and couldn't put in the effort but it's so much more complicated than that. from the lyrics taylor did what i did in my relationship and didn't really communicate. she sent signals, and kept waiting for him to see was "dying" and then was upset when he didn't see and didn't do anything to stop it. but at the same time this means joe actually didn't know she was hurting. he didn't notice and she didn't tell him and if at one point she did it ended up being a "i don't understand / i know you don't " type of conversation and if he just doesn't understand then there's not much to be done even if he wanted to do something. he can't pretend to understand to please her. seems like he genuinely thought they were okay where they were (maybe even because of taylor's people pleasing tendencies) and she just couldn't take it anymore and he didn't understand what was wrong or why she felt that way. i think that first break up news said everything it had to say. they worked when they were in a bubble but not outside of it. joe never really knew her and thought they were okay the way they were and taylor couldn't see a future together. again it sucks because it seems their very foundation is what tore them apart. taylor Trying all the time while pretending that's not the case and joe not wanting anything for her other than to just be together. the difference is back then he saw through her and they were able to make it work through miscommunication but apparently not anymore. and this could be for so many reasons. maybe his own anxiety/depression got in the way, maybe they both just changed and grew apart. maybe he did grow tired of some of her antics when he's a lot more chill and just didn't understand why she had to try so hard all the time and wanted everyone to do the same. i'm not trying to say taylor is hard to love bc that's not true at all but we all know how much she wants someone to choose her and look only at her and we have proof of the ways she'd make sure to get that (telling you to leave me just to try and scare you / im a mirroball / picking fights in afterglow and the great war).... maybe it got tiring and he just stopped keeping an eye out for The Signs and didn't even realize it... i don't thing either of them are the bad guy here. that said i hate how everyone is already like "she was there for him through everything and he couldn't even be there for her" when we know he WAS there for her a lot in the past. plus yeah "ik my pain is an imposition" hurts but we also have taylor saying "is it insensitive to say get your shit together so i can love you" and "if I would have known how sharp the pieces were you'd crumble into i might have let them lay".... like neither of them is perfect. just feels like they were both thought the other one would change and eventually be okay with things happening *their way* and ofc that just didn't happen. there was no cure.

Thank you so much for sending this thoughtful message, anon! The bottom line is really what you said: their foundation killed then. What worked so well in 2016-2017, what helped Taylor save herself, what made her think that he was the one… that was the same thing that tore them apart in the end.

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

mspec anon from a couple of days ago elaborating since you asked.

it's just some little things that probably are fine to other mspec people but are weird to me. some of it is how some people talk about mspec. like "this m/f pairing is bi4bi" but not suggesting any attraction, celebrity crush, childhood crush, whatever, they could have or could have had. makes it feel like bisexuality is treated as straight but queer bc straight is bad and queer is good. not saying that attraction = action, or that a mspec person who hasn't dated someone of the same gender is invalid, just that they do have to have or have had attraction to someone of a gender like their own. not saying m/f bi4bi is bad, i write a lot of it myself, just a pattern i sometimes notice.

on the flip side, canon bisexuality is treated as gay but with a different word. there are absolutely m/f ruth fics, but there are more f/f ruth fics. this isn't bad in itself, i love it when ruth gets the girl. and there's a woeful lack of femslash generally. this isn't me saying ruth being with one or several girls is bad, i love it. but i feel like a lot of those don't address that she is attracted to men as well.

i think certain people, when they're doing m/m or f/f relationships with characters without canon/semi-canon queer identites often make them monosexual. not everyone and not a majority. that can feel invalidating bc it feels like it's saying "you can't really be attracted to more than one gender". or sort of "you don't like the same gender as much as a fully gay person can if you also like the opposite gender". not on purpose, i'm sure, i don't think people are actually being biphobic or whatever. it just is an implication that kinda hurts.

sexuality discourse for this next part. like the rest of it hasn't been sexuality discourse.

also bi steph is weird to me. generally. most of the time. people can headcanon characters how they want, always, but i find it uncomfortable when mariah says she's pan, and has said that a couple of times, but people see her as bi because of the vibes or something. bisexuality and pansexuality aren't the same, but they are similar, and i don't think that people who view steph as bi have a real reason for differentiating those two identities other than "edgy popular girl means bi". i understand that's not where most people are coming from, and it's certainly not intentional. from my outside to them perspective, it feels like sexuality defined by personality traits and not just... who they are.

that and i really didn't like that anon about "an angel getting it's wings ripped off". i get it's fandom language, sure. but that's really evocative language to suggest. grace is a lesbian and max is gay. which is fine, excellent headcanon!! see them that way, go for it, (/gen). but it felt like behind that was they can't be queer if they're bi. i'm probably reading too much into things, and i know that, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. i think you can have headcanons without going that far.

again i do want to reiterate: i'm not saying people are being biphobic. i'm not saying that your headcanons or ships are invalid. all i'm saying is, as a bisexual, these little things that probably mean nothing to no one ever build up and make me uncomfortable from time to time. and i sent that anon at one of those times. i get that i'm being overly sensitive, i get that other people with different identities (including sexualities) in fandom feel ostracized for different reasons. this is just my pent up experience.

thanks for reading, i am so sorry if this launches a bunch of discourse. or brings up discourse again? i just thought you wanted an explanation so here it is.

~~~

[princessofmerchants]

Hey ! first of all: I recently discovered you blog & totally fell in love with it🥺, especially after my "Nessian Hangover".

I know this might be a bit off-topic from your usual content, but there's something about Cassian's relationship with Mor that really irks me...and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

His actions, like pulling away from Nesta's hand in ACOWAR, left me feeling frustrated and sympathetic towards Nesta. And then there's that whole thing in Wings and Embers where he's all secretive about Nesta with Mor and doesn't wanna tell her about Nesta, which gave off major mixed signals?? I mean, describing Mor as something between a lover and a friend, while also being like family? That was so confusing, how can she be all three to him? it just felt so ... inappropriate and I felt so bad for Nesta bc obviously she deserves someone who has only eyes for her.

But then in SF he says all romantic feelings turned into familial bonds after the incident so what was that about then in WaE and pulling his hand away in ACOWAR?

Also in WaE it sounded like he primarily slept with Mor out of jealouy but in SF it does seem like he did had romantic feelings towards her ? :/ ...

And when he thought in SF about how hauntingly beautiful Mor is and how it takes his breath away and that she is lovely and perfect .... it just drove me mad tbh because this sounded very romantic coded to me which made me feel so bad for Nesta.

it has been all so confusing and inconsistent to me and also just frustrating how he talked so poetic about a woman he slept with (or did he also call Nesta also hauntingly beautiful or lovely or perfect and I'm not remembering it?), or how he didn't wanted to show Mor that he has feelings for Nesta?? :/ - so I just wondered what you thought about all of that, in hopes to calm me down or clarify bc it really almost ruined him for me (maybe I was misinterpreting stuff?).

hope that's not a weird question bc of how spesific it is haha

BTW I love your love for Nesta bc same🖤.

I love this ask, Anon, and how detailed and specific it is. It is a question after my own heart! My response is long so it's after the break.

Thank you for saying you love my love for Nesta - that means the world to me. What I especially like about your ask is, it is about canon Nesta, who is the Nesta I most treasure, and by extension about canon Nessian. I sometimes feel like a lone voice in the drafty moors of Tumblr with my deep and abiding love for canon Nessian, so the fact that this ask lets me talk about them in canon makes me happy!

I have given this a lot of thought since receiving your question, and I'm not sure how satisfying parts of my answer will be, so my apologies in advance for the fact that I am not actually going to offer an explanation for how and why all the details you listed can co-exist in a single, utterly comprehensive whole for the Cassian-Mor relationship when Cass is unquestioningly Nesta's by the end of ACOSF.

Instead, here's why the lack of things utterly lining up for these three doesn't bother me in the long run, and only slightly bothered me during the pre-ACOSF / post-ACOFAS era.

It is clear to me as a reader that SJM pivoted in a significant way between ACOMAF and ACOWAR when it comes to Mor.

I came across a post recently that explains exactly my thoughts on this. The post focuses on the current ship war but the evidence in it describes how during ACOMAF it was clear Moriel (Mor and Azriel) was likely to be endgame, but then SJM shifted Mor's arc to where she was more attracted to women, which meant needing to retcon a lot (and unfortunately a lot of Mor's charm and nuance was collateral damage that I am still hoping SJM repairs).

I think Cassian in ACOMAF needs to be read in the context of a planned future love triangle of sorts between Azriel-Mor-Cassian, into which I do think SJM planned to throw Nesta as a big bomb that beautifully blows up Cass's corner of the triangle. But the parts in "Wings and Embers" where Cass says to the reader he is worried about what Mor will think about his fixation on this human woman, I think were meant to preserve some kind of angsty triangle for the next book, which SJM (thankfully) jettisoned. I hate love triangles so I honestly would not have been a fan if that had been where SJM landed.

Now, in ACOWAR and ACOFAS, I think the Mor stuff with Cassian gets a bit more confusing, so I agree with you there. Cassian doesn't know for sure Nesta is his mate until she screams for him during the Battle of Hybern at the end of ACOWAR, so the stuff before that - e.g., him removing his hand from hers - I read in a few ways. I think being buffer to Mor with Azriel all those years messed with his head a lot, and in a way, Mor finally coming to terms with her sexuality is a really solid catalyst for her beginning to distance herself from the triangle dynamic she was a part of for 500 years, which I think was more healthy for everyone involved.

But remember, Nesta is still proud and surly in ACOWAR, not in any inherently bad way but in a way that probably didn't signal to Cassian she was particularly interested in him, even as he was drawn to her like a magnet and couldn't keep away because part of him loves her claws so much. Cass rightly protects his own heart when he has the foresight to do so in ACOWAR and ACOFAS. I always knew they would work their shit out eventually, but during the messy process of doing so I don't begrudge him a little distance when Nesta, in her trauma response to what was happening to her and around her, sometimes lashed out at the strongest individual in her vicinity who she knew could take it like a boulder weathers the storm - that person was always Cassian for her.

When I first read ACOSF, I absolutely assumed going in that Mor was going to be catty about Nessian finally starting to get together. When she wasn't, it was jarring to me. But once I finished my first reading of ACOSF, I came to a striking conclusion about Mor, ACOSF, and SJM:

The story SJM needed to tell in ACOSF would not have been aided or forwarded by Mor intervening in the Nessian dynamic in a catty way, or being a foil to anything about Nesta in that story's arc.

In other words, SJM could have written a version of Nesta and Cassian's book that included Mor challenging Nesta's right to be with Cassian, but that was unequivocally NOT the book SJM wanted or needed to write (hopefully my double negative landed correctly here, lol).

So, SJM pivoted, and sent Mor to Vallahan, so SJM could write the story she needed to write. As a writerly choice, I adore everything about it - Nesta didn't need to be fighting with another woman over rights to her mate, she needed women friendships that were pure and gloriously blank slates upon which and with whom to write and tell her and their collective story - so SJM introduced Emerie and Gwyn. SJM even brought in Mor later to teach Nesta the waltzes, and their brief exchange in which Nesta called her Morrigan and Mor invited her to call her Mor, and Nesta accepted the invitation to do so, is another breathtakingly vulnerable moment for Nesta that fills my heart right up. To this end, the promise that Mor will begin to train with the Valkyries in the next book has me so excited.

Now, there are two lines in ACOSF I still want to comment on (then I'll reign in this very long post, lol). First, I agree that Cassian's observation in his pov of how breathtakingly beautiful Mor is at the cafe toward the start of the book can come off romantic coded, though for him at this point I don't think it is. But whether it is or not, we need to remember he and Nesta still have a whole book's worth of stuff to work through with their romantic relationship.

I suspect SJM included that moment in part to set up some stakes for the Nessian arc - that, although Cassian hasn't had sex since he met Nesta, he is still a man who is drawn to admiring a beautiful woman inside and out. If Nesta had already won his exclusive attention in this regard before any of their arc began in that book, what would be the point of the book? (By the end, I do think Cassian only has eyes for Nesta, and it is absolutely because they claim each other - I don't think in the long run he would have been able to settle for less, and nor should he have.)

And, since Nessian aren't in a relationship at that point in the cafe at the beginning of the book, I'm not mad at him for admiring Mor's beauty per say. I think if Nesta invited it then, he would admire hers a lot more, and with a much more deep seated attraction. ACOSF is about them both letting their inner barriers down to allow the other to love them, so that kind of attraction still needs to be earned between them at that point in their story. His observation about Mor's beauty is in a different category entirely from where Cassian eventually lands with Nesta, so there is nothing threatening about it for me.

The other line that feels weird to me most times I read it, is when Mor baldly tells Nesta early in ACOSF that she would have sent Nesta to live in the Court of Nightmares. The only explanation I have for this moment and exchange is that for SJM it was more in service of Nesta's arc, and less about making sense coming from Mor. What I mean here is, at that moment Nesta feels wretched and all things terrible about herself, and it's a feature of that kind of disordered thinking that others around you either seem to echo what you're thinking about yourself, or sometimes do echo it in reality, if through a trauma response you've hurt those around you (*she says from personal experience*), or if through their own trauma response those around you respond in kind (as I think may have been happening with Mor in this scene).

Do I love that Mor says something so cruel to Nesta in that moment early in Nesta's healing journey? No, I do not. Do I see why it helps to heavily charge these early scenes for Nesta as she truly hits rock bottom regarding her feelings about herself? Yes, I do.

Which leads me to how I'll conclude this. I hope SJM intentionally develops Mor's story so she isn't just a device in the story arcs of others. For better or worse, some kind of reckoning between her and Az needs to happen, likely in the next book, for either to truly move on. But I hope Mor gets the attention a character like her deserves in future books.

I am A-OK with her mostly-absence from ACOSF because I don't think she would have been a productive part of Nesta's healing arc, and at the end of the day that is the heart and soul of ACOSF for me - Nesta healing.

The reason ACOSF-Nessian has my whole heart is because, it's so clear to me the ways Cassian supports Nesta's healing and is the catalyst for a lot of her growth into a person who loves herself and sees herself as worthy and deserving of love and happiness.

If he was a bit of a hot mess in the period between first meeting Nesta and getting to finally be with her as accepted mates, I don't begrudge him that.

[away-ward]

im sorry for this rant KO, but why on earth is the bonus content for nightfall is the start of the horsemen? Like omfg. I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus 😭 i'm so fucking upset. I initially wanted to pre-order the paperback but thinking about that whole alex drama in BC, i didn't, thank the lord for that! But i was still hoping for a willemmy bonus or maybe a will or emmy's back story, but we're getting to see Damon, A-FUCKING-GAIN? How many fucking bonus do we have to see him??! Fuck, i'm so upset, idk who to rant this with because i don't talk about this series to anybody irl.

Excerpt from PD's insta:

DAMON GRABS HIS JACKET OFF THE COURT AND PULLS IT ON AS HE LEAVES.

"YOU OKAY?" MICHAEL ASKS KAI.

BUT KAI JUST GESTURES TO DAMON WHO PUSHES THROUGH THE HEAVY DOUBLE DOORS. "I TOLD YOU, MAN," HE BLURTS OUT TO MICHAEL. "HE'S TROUBLE."

"NO," MICHAEL QUICKLY RETORTS, LOOKING IN THE DIRECTION DAMON LEFT. "HE'S AN ENFORCER, KAI."

HIS FRIEND STARES AT HIM.

"AND EVERY TEAM NEEDS ONE," MICHAEL ADDS, DROPPING THE BASKETBALL INTO KAI'S HANDS. "TELL THE COACH I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

end-

🥲 ngl, i'm so sick of damon's appearance, at this point not only his character wasn't my fav, pd over-pushing him makes me really hate him now. "He's the enforcer" ughhhh, and when did this branding ever came up in the devil's night series? I only remember this point being discussed here on your blog of your meta about damon's character and his implicit role in their friend group and family. Istg i really never saw his role being discussed and branded like this anywhere, so the only place it could happen was in the private chat's of their pendragon fb group or between PD and their editor/most trusted beta readers. Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from? And ofc in PD's fashion, they had to rebrand Damon's role to be positive and borderline inspiring 🙄

and fuck, who cares about logic right? Definitely not PD when they kept on writing A and meaning B in their stories, but kept on being pissed off when readers understood it as A. 🤡

at this point, i'm not even excited anymore for this bonus content. I genuinely thought something good will come out of it, but with their opinion of willemmy a few weeks ago, and now with this. Idk. But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it. So of course, we'll never gonna get a willemmy bonus content. Ugh. I can't fault them for wanting to move on, but for someone who wnats to move on so bad and ignore the uncomfy parts of their own mistake in writing, they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters 🙄

but fr KO, it really left a sour taste in my mouth when an author behaves like this. Penelope Douglas is just so, ugh, idk. At this point ideky i'm still hoping for them to be better tbh when they've always been known to be problematic, like they're always just so disappointing. I need to detach my feelings for books i like to read with their authors, because i'm just gonna end up upset like this. But it's so hard!!! Especially when they're indies and you like some parts of the things they put out, and can't always find it anywhere else. Ughhh. i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

Hey. Oh man, I feel your pain.

I really dont need it to exist because i like the mystery of them. Why can't we just have a willemmy bonus

Ohh, I wish I was with you on this but I’m actually excited about it. As someone who wants to understand these characters better, and who absolutely goes bonkers over character origin stories, this is right up my alley. I never expected any kind of Willemmy scene, so maybe I’m not as disappointed as I would be otherwise.

From what I heard, there are some willemmy scenes in this origin story though! So not all hope is lost (although I don’t know how it’s supposed to make sense, since I’ve also heard that this starts during their freshmen year and Emmy’s a year younger so… but whatever. I’m just happy for the moments!)

I am so sorry that this isn’t what you wanted!

Istg the pettier side of me feels like some of PD's fb group fans saw your discussion posts here with other anons and told on PD, then they got inspired by you ideas about "his role" in the family. Which in theory, i don't see much wrong from it, but truly, where did this role establishment and branding came from?

As much as this idea tickles me, the fact is that this was probably written months ago, and I only really had that discussion with in the past few weeks. More than likely, we were just picking up on something PD was implying the entire time.

But I just know and fully sure now that PD just wanted to avoid the alex-aydin-will-emmy qna discussion extra materials, because they knew they fucked that one up, and many readers hated it, and so they probably want to just bury that shit and move past it.

I’m still holding out of that pinterest board and discussion questions (though, it may be a lost cause). It just seems so stupid that they’d withhold those two things since they’re so minor compared to the bonus scene.

they sure as hell is still be talking and hinting at this series from time to time especially for their most fav characters

Coming from a writer’s perspective, it’s hard to let your favs go. Long after the other characters stop “speaking” to you, your favs come back. You still see them doing stuff. And PD is proud of the series, so of course they’re not going to bury it.

But yes, I agree that the fandom has been pretty loud about wanting some more willemmy content for some closure, and it shouldn’t be this hard to sit and think about the characters and deliver something, just to be kind to your readers and fans. I can’t say why PD is so resistant to it, but that’s for them to know.

i heard that series by Monty Jay was giving DN, so i might check it out, and i really hope it's better.

I had to look it up, and I’m assuming you’re speaking about the hollow boys? I haven’t read it, but if you do get around to it, I hope you enjoy it.

Regarding PD, I hardly ever look into the background of an author or give them a second thought. I also have never had the desire to contact an author, or do meet and greets or anything, that’s just me. So, I’ve never had the issue of needing to detach a work from an author, but I can see the struggle.

+ when you get a reach of the bonus materials, will you be sharing them here and share your thoughts and opinions about them? I'm a big yapper and i just wanna yap with somebody about it frfr.

I absolutely will share my thoughts, of course! I might do a reading react, or just a summary of my thoughts, whatever feels right. Again, I feel for your frustration and disappointment. The let down is never easy, but you'll read better books in the future. This isn't the last of it for you. So look forward to finding your next favorite read.

-KO

[ughgoaway]

the sick dad matty blurb omfg ACE i’m literally unwell at the thought of mopey messy hair matty falling asleep in ur lap and being so flustered at u seeing him like that- brb fucking crying

also speaking of which genuinely insane timing how you always post smth after i’ve had a very long shift i swear theyre really the one thing i look forward to the most after work 😭😭 uninterrupted horizontal time with ur blurbs it’s true it literally is my fav thing-

also perhaps an extension of sick dad! matty but i just can’t shake the idea of teacher reader being worried about him still and asking annie about it at school the next day and annie just randomly drops a bombshell in the way kids do and says smth like ‘oh daddys so much better today! he’s all smiley and said that you chased the bad coughing monster away for him- can you come do that every time? daddy’s never had anyone do that before’ and it just b r e a ks teacher reader completely pls anyways crying throwing up

(- bff anon also has the can’t shut up disease i fear 😭）

OMG, IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BFF!!! I just need to look after this man.

like imagine he eventually wakes up and its like 9pm at that point so you're like "okay let's get you to bed" and he's all sad and pouty and says "only if you stay over with me" but he's still half asleep and doesn't quite process what he said for a good few seconds...

wide-eyed, he tries to backtrack, "wait- I'm so sorry I didn't mean it like that! obviously, we haven't slept together yet, but- NO, NOT LIKE 'SLEPT TOGETHER' SLEPT TOGETHER!!! I MEANT LIKE JUST SLEEPING!!! ohmygod-"

you're like "no that sounds nice, let's go upstairs," and matty is silently freaking out bc you're gonna be in his bed. with him. sleeping. he's thought about this scenario 1000 times, and none of them included him being dealthy ill and not having nice sheets on the bed first.

(more rambles below the cut as always)

you get matty to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, even rubbing some moisturiser on him (he just sits there with a dopey grin as you apply)

he always thought you'd be on his chest or he'd be spooning you, but he ends up with his face buried between your boobs and he's out within 10 mins.

oh and the morning after... so much potential...

I must have spidey senses for when you're at work bff!!! the fact that my blurbs make you so happy you look forward to them??? brb vomiting???? that is so kind. horizontal time on tumblr is my fav too, its unmatched.

OH, LITTLE ANNIE TALKING ABOUT HIM PLEASEEEEEE-

I can see her spending the night at hanns bc matty doesn't want her to get ill and doesn't trust George or Ross to keep her overnight.

"Do you even know what 5 year olds eat??"

"bro, why dont you trust us???"

"Yeah... like mushed carrots and shit right. "

you put the kids to work colouring something but secretly call Annie over yo your desk, "hi Annie! I just wanted to ask how your daddy is today, I know he's been a bit poorly"

"...please take her Adam"

she immediately lights up and starts chattering away, "Oh, daddy said he's feeling much better today. he even made me my toast this morning, and he was all smiley the whole time!!! he said you made him all better and played nurse!! can you do that every time he's poorly? he's much happier when you are his nurse than when he goes to the doctors"

obviously, internally you're like "ohmygod he really likes me, and I made him feel better. oh, he couldn't stop smiling, and annie noticed because he was so happy and -"

but externally, you play it cool like, "Oh, that's great, sweetheart! I'm sure next time he's poorly, you can help him feel better too"

Annie is like, "Oh!! I hope he's poorly again soon, I wanna play doctors with you!!!"

you try not to laugh at her wishing her dad ill and just send her back to her desk, but the grin doesn't leave your face all day. thinking about the fact you made matty giddy makes you just as giddy as him.

the next day a bouquet of flowers show up at your door with a note,

"dear nurse y/n,

thank you for coming to look after me even after I cancelled our date. whilst I am slightly mortified you saw me looking like that, I'm more grateful for your help. you made being sick worth it. Spending any time with you is always worth it.

love, matty x

ps, I hope the next time you stay in my bed, I'm substantially less sick, and we're both wearing substantially less clothes ;)"

[aira-bu]

hi!! i saw you in the genshin x reader tag and i read through ur writing and love it so much,, i was wondering if you’d be down to maybe write voicelines the hydro or pyro boys would have about you (+ maybe tighnari if that’s ok because i love him sm …) except in the context that you are childhood friends (with crushes on each other) !! male reader might be nice if you’re ok with that but i’d also be ok with gn reader! and it’s totally ok if you don’t do this request! i hope you have a wonderful day/night and i hope you write more things because i’ve loved reading what you’ve written so far!

hi anon!! im rly happy that u like my writing! this might be posted just a little late bc im a little busy but nonetheless here you go! <3

and i'm gonna write pyro boys + xingqiu voicelines about you bc i've already written tighnari's and the other hydro boys in my last post! the reader will be gender neutral bc since it's a voiceline i don't think it would make much difference if it were to be a female or a male, but feel free to replace the they/thems with any pronouns in your head! i hope this isn't too bad ⬇️

☘︎ their voicelines about you ! 𖧷

☁︎ written as of version 3.3

characters: xingqiu, diluc, thoma, bennett

disclaimers/warnings: gn! reader, use of (y/n) (your name), thoma breaking the 4th wall

☁︎

xingqiu

"*ahem*, maybe we can perhaps move on to a different topic? ...no? fine. yes, i know (y/n). i've known them since we were young, and believe me when i say that they are one of a kind! not everybody can stand me rambling about ancient literature, but i know they can. though, i'm still unsure if they actually like the topic or they're just being nice. speaking of which, i have never took them to a library, maybe i should- ah... apologies, i was rambling. ...a date? to a book store? hey, that may not be such a bad idea! i could- wait.. just why did you suggest a date?!"

can i add that he's flustered

diluc

"there is never a dull time with (y/n)... they're always so... giddy. one thing's for sure is that if they were to ever join the knights of favonius, it would be beneficial to the latter, no doubt. (y/n) is efficient and swift, something the 'knights of favonius' could never have a grasp on. i've known them since... a very long time ago. i'd actually prefer it if they were the one to have been my sworn sibling instead of that alcoholic jerk. but, that would also have been a great inconvenience for me. ..hm? you ask why? you'll see."

thoma

"hm? (y/n)? ah! (y/n)! yes, of course i'm familiar with them! i've known them a long, long time ago, long before i became housekeeper of the kamisato clan. nowadays, they would assist me whenever they come visit, and to be honest, their help means a lot. i'm not complaining about the workload, it's just them being... here, helps soothe the atmosphere a lot. ...i'm going to admit that i might just be a little too excited to see them, but i'm sure they are too considering the fact that they're probably reading this ! hm? oh no i didn't say anything, don't worry!"

bennett

"(y/n)? hehe, of course! i like to think of them as my good luck charm, but of course they mean a lot to me too! ever since i was little, whenever i was with them my bad luck seems to disappear a little. it's still there, but it's better! i don't get struck by lightning one time after the other, treasure chests actuallly have something inside of them, and there's never a random rock falling onto my head! being with them just makes me feel lucky, even if i'm not. if only i had just a little luck to have a chance..."

[sophaeros]

I think I'm hf in the exact same thing as you rn I just found your blog I am also obsessed with band rpf and Casablanca's/hammond jr do u have a kind of manifesto or anything I can read

dude did one of my irls send this or smth..i was literally Just talking about putting together a masterdoc and they were egging me on BSJFJWBS. i mean i'm kinda working on one but no promises bc im terrible w long term projects and also theyre very difficult to figure out

BUT i Will say (and i've seen other random people online agree w me) i think the general timeline is that during the seven years they lived together from 1998 to 2005 jules was down bad for albert but albert didn't realise his own feelings, so the most that might've happened is some fooling around physically. (this is mainly going off of this page from the meet me in the bathroom book where jules says "albert, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, baby!" insane quote. i could talk a little more about their full quotes but that's another post)

sometime between 2005 and 2013 (possibly 2011 tbh, comedown machine is The gay situationship album but angles touches on it a lot too) they dated twice and broke up both times. im not sure who broke up w who but tentatively i would say the first breakup was more acrimonious while the second breakup might've been mutual.

it's difficult to say anything for sure because most of their songs have songwriting credits shared with other people, so looking at lyrics for clues has a pretty big margin of error since a line might've been written by someone else and not them, yknow? i mean rpf is never a "for sure" kind of deal i could be entirely wrong and that would be fine but. you get what i mean

also one way trigger is the lynchpin for me. i physically cannot imagine a platonic explanation for this poster that uses a screenshot from thelma and louise of all films. not to mention the lyrics like even my Mom raised an eyebrow at "get dressed in your bed while she's asleep." and also it's one of two strokes songs albert has ever played solo with the other being elephant song (at least according to setlistfm, im still trying to find a video of it) (edit 12/08/2034: setlistfm lied to me he did not play elephant song 💔💔💔💔) which was written, surprise surprise, by albert and julian in 1999.

i mean i guess the poster could be them fucking around and having a little laugh but come on what an insane ass joke to make man. i'm gonna make a post later about one way trigger being their specialest little song because it really is

soo like..theres still more i could talk about like one way trigger being written by the albert julian nick trio (which makes me laugh imagining nick mediating their lovers quarrel) [EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT NO ok it's hard to find definitive information on who wrote what bc different databases have information of varying precision but the canadian site socan which is the most precise so far says only albert and jules wrote the lyrics for one way trigger i'd misremembered. albert julian nick trio Did do call it fate tho which is still kinda crazy !! also jules and albert being the only ones to do one way trigger makes me crazier jesus christ why is this depressing ass song Their Song !!!!] which is the same trio as games from angles. theres a lot i've been thinking about them nonstop for like, what, a month? give or take? my poor friends have to deal w me sending dozens of messages at a time much love and light to them if they read this muah

and thank you for the excuse to be insane on main anon 🥰

[snickerdoodlles]

Kim is my favorite character but Chay is the most special™️ boy in the universe :p that’s why I keep thinking of an AU where everything is mostly the same except that like in the Sandman there are anthropomorphic personifications of the fundamental concepts of the World (they are: Dream, Death, Destiny, Desire, Delirium, Despair and Destruction) and Chay is casually besties with Death, most people don’t know they even exist and the Mafia fam knows that there’s some kind of magic in the world but nothing more than that.

This comes out when they’re “casually” talking about some horrible thing that Korn did and Chay just looks at Kim and asks “if there was a way for him to die and have nobody be responsible for it, would you want him dead?” And he’s like “yeah, obviously” and Chay is like “okay! :D” and like two days later Korn just dies out of nowhere and nobody can prove it but everyone knows that Chay had something to do with it so Kim just asks and Chay just tells him he asked a friend to do him a favor and Kim is like “???” until Chay is like “yeah, that friend is literally the anthropomorphic personification of the concept of Death :D” everyone else is for some reason also there.

Chay doesn’t tell anyone this bc they would lose their shit if they knew but they met Death when they died accidentally when he was like 4 and when Death came to collect him, they just told her very politely that he couldn’t go with her bc that would made Porsche sad, she found him adorable and let him stay alive! They have been friends ever since.

Tankhun kind of knew that the personifications existed but never told anyone, he met Despair & Delirium when he was kidnapped :) to be fair he thought he was hallucinating.

I practically just told you my favorite daydream about those two 😂 tbf I thought you would find it interesting

-⏳💤💜

anon

anon I am kissing you on the forehead, this is DELIGHTFUL

Chay!!! as besties with Death!!!! Death a common friend to all but the deepest connection with CHAY. I love your day dream, I had in fact immediately pictured Korn's bloody ruthlessness being in part an effort to court Death for his own nefarious purposes, and Chay's like "oh? do you want to meet her then?" and Death arrives and gently tells Korn he's always had her attention, he never had to try to catch it, and Korn feels very smug about this until she holds out her hand and Korn realizes he's just dead and she means she knows everyone who passes through her lands eventually, he's not special.

(I hope!!! You do not mind me playing with your day dream! Yours is a beautiful idea, I hope I added and didn't impose 😂🙏)

but oh mannn, I'm right there with you in that Kim is my favorite but Chay is my most specialest boyTM, and I have a silly day dream for them too actually! I'm not sure if you've ever heard of the Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire? it's a novella series centered around the concept of portal fantasy worlds, with a bunch of children who had gone to different alternate worlds and are now back on earth, trying to make a life after and several waiting/hoping to return to their worlds. I had actually first had a weird mashup of that series and bad buddy, but then kp came out and I fell down that rabbit hole and my brain shifted the day dream to accommodate Chay going to a different world where he'd gotten literal wings before he was returned to earth (reason typically being for Porsche). and something-somrthing happens, the exact reasons for this next bit change, but somehow he and the other boys are in danger, Chay's door opens again for him, and he drags all thr boys with him for safety and they all learn our boy is MagicTM. Kim is 😍 x100 obvs, he doesn't really care about the specifics he just cares about Chay lol. Porsche's reactions vary but usually around I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAYED AS KIDS, and Kinn and Khun are just. Baffled. Mind blown. What the fuck is happening, this is very cool but still WHAT?!

[marumarielle]

‼️ anon

Ghttps://www.tumblr.com/marumarielle/739410918618923008/anon-here-hey-maru-do-u-feel-like-loablr-has-a

GIRL U LITERALLY FRAMED ALL MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS SO WELL.

But honestly, so REAL, OMD. I think that the whole "tough love" mean tone should be reserved for those (and literally only those) who come up with silly excuses as to why they didn't manifest and procrastinate bc of literally the stupidest things. And that tone should only be used once in a while as some people may have genuine problems and self-blaming issues alongside these things. Tough love motivation can really go a long way, so I'm not entirely opposed to the idea of it just to how much it's used and to who it's used towards.

For those who have genuine problems and things holding them back from manifesting, we definitely should be kinder to them.

I recall one time a certain loa blogger here (I won't be saying their name, but it's starts with l and ends with 1) went into a certain shifter's post (won't be saying who) about how they were struggling with shifting and hated their CR or smth and when I went to the replies I saw them shouting at them being like "it's only YOUR FAULT, that u didn't shift, STOP IDENTIFYING WITH FAILURE" and I'm like girl..... why the hell are u shouting on this random person who ain't even in LOAblr? Maybe be more positive towards them bc shouting at someone and telling them their failures are no one's fault, but theirs is legit so bad for someone's mental health and self esteem like...

Honestly, I think it's tricky to navigate the law and this community without encountering unnecessary self blame, and so it's important we frame and type our posts in a way that doesn't encourage it and is against it.

Remember, y'all make sure to feed ur subconscious with the things u wanna see in ur physical reality but not push all those negative feelings u have about ur circumstances deep inside, it's incredibly unhealthy and it's always good to express ur feelings. The sort of principal I adopt is spend 80% of the time persisting in the new story and ignoring the 3d and 20% venting and reacting to the old story. So far it's been helpful in maintaining a dominant state and allowing an outlet for my emotions.

Oh my god this also just said everything in my head and what I felt about tough love here in LOAblr!! And I love the 80/20 method you do (I think I remember knowing that this a real method but in a diff context). But, aside from that, I feel like as a member of the loassumption community we do need to start being wise with our words and being careful about. Because, I never know who's reading my posts and what I say can be more triggering than helpful which isn't what I want. It isn't what we want.

This is also why I want to encourage the mindset of "Failures are just opportunities to succeed" because that has helped me SO much. Not just loablr and shiftblr wise. I'm an academic achiever and that's my motto. So, whenever I get a low grade I grieve first and pick myself back up. Which leads to my 2nd point: It's okay to feel down! If anything, feeling your emotions do not take anything from you. They're sensations and suppressing them won't do any good. Let yourself feel safe to feel them <3

[bonesandthebees]

YEAHHHH LMAOO that was the only time I've sent an ask on anon idk why I was so anxious that day LMAOOO

Tho I will say I've debated asking this one question to u so many times and everytime I wanna go on anon but then I realise it would not. Make any sense . If I was on anon so I've just refrained from asking lmaoo (which wow brain as soon as I typed this I've forgotten the question. Good job brain)

ANYWAYS MHMHMHM it's of a strawberry flower!! It's genuinely just such a gorgeous tatt I'd want it for myself even if it wasn't matching so I feel very comfortable getting it in the case we ever split up or anything <3

OOHHH THANK YOU YES PLS FEEL FREE TO GIVE ADVICE I AM ALWAYS LOOKING FOR MORE both for traveling solo in another country (I am Scared) and also tattoo after care?? Like. It's gonna be above my ankle how careful of socks/pants should I be :000

I mean if you ever wanna go on anon to ask me something that's totally fine I get it, and also if you're ever worried about asking me something just know that if I ever don't want to answer a question for any reason (ie: the answer isn't something I want to divulge publicly, I don't feel comfortable talking about that subject, I feel like I just don't have a good answer, etc.) I just won't answer it. it doesn't mean I'm going to hold a grudge against someone who asks me something I don't wanna answer. I get it, people are curious or have questions or whatever and that's fine! if I don't wanna answer I simply won't and that doesn't mean I'm upset or annoyed or anything like that

oooo a strawberry flower sounds so pretty!! I'm sure that's gonna look amazing

okay advice time for travel + tattoos under the cut bc it got long

oh yeah I was gonna say you're from canada right? I think going through customs is a bit easier for US/Canadian citizens traveling between the two countries, but still good luck with the lines. other advice I have for traveling in another country solo... while you might consider getting your currency exchanged, almost everyone and everywhere takes card these days so as long as you have a card that can be used internationally (I believe mastercard and visa are pretty much usable in every country, although I'm sure if it's just between the US and Canada most cards are fine, just make sure to check). but also if you do wanna do currency exchange, wait until you're in the US to do that or else you'll get ripped off. once you're in the US just go to an ATM and withdraw cash from your bank account, and it'll come out in US dollars without the additional fee you'd get from going to a currency exchange place

OKAY TATTOO TIPS

I think most tattoo artists these days use second skin after giving someone a tattoo. it's basically a sticky thin sheet of plastic that the artist will put on top of the tattoo after it's finished, and usually your artist will instruct you to leave it on anywhere from 24 hours to several days. any artist worth their salt will properly explain how long to keep it on for, what to expect and look out for, etc. the second skin will protect the tattoo so you won't have to worry about it rubbing against fabric in the initial few days after getting it. although I'll say taking that stuff off is a BITCH it's like peeling a bandaid off but so much worse

however, your artist might not use second skin. out of my five tattoos, only two of the artists I've been to used second skin which is apparently unusual because from what I've heard from tattoo artists is that it's pretty much standard at this point to use it. however because only my latter two tattoos used second skin, I didn't realize that I have reactions to second skin that make it not suitable for me to use. you might have a reaction as well and that's ok! for me at least my reaction wasn't anything bad, it's just that I noticed a lot of redness around the second skin and when I took it off (earlier than I was supposed to) it left marks around my tattoo that didn't go away for 6 months. so yeah in the future if I go to an artist and they want to use second skin, I'm going to refuse because I've healed 3 tattoos perfectly fine without it. so if your artist doesn't use second skin (and tbh even if they do because you'll need this once you take the second skin off) buy some aquaphor. your artist is probably going to instruct you to wash the tattoo with antibacterial soap 2-3 times a day, and afterwards you should put a thin layer of aquaphor on top of the tattoo to protect it and soothe any dryness or scabbing. it might seem annoying to wash a tattoo so many times a day, but trust me once it starts scabbing you're going to want to wash it because it itches and the aquaphor calms it down.

having the tattoo on your ankle might be tricky since it's too cold to wear shorts, and the hem of your pants might rub against it. try to wear pants that are looser around your ankles (no skinny jeans or leggings) so that the fabric doesn't irritate it. and try to wear socks that don't touch the tattoo.

above all though, your tattoo artist should be able to tell you everything I just told you. don't be afraid to ask them questions. they want your tattoo to heal nicely bc that's their work! and just in general don't be shy to talk to your artist. my first two tattoos aren't bad by any means, but I don't love them because I was too anxious to properly communicate with my artist about what I wanted. don't be afraid to ask them to change something in the design, or if they put the stencil on and you want a different placement tell them! your artist is there to work with you so just talk to them :)

okay that got so much longer than I meant it to hope that helps!!

[ruthlesslistener]

We sure do live in a society, don't we.

The anons sending you hate are doing my head in. Like, I can completely understand why they bristled at your initial response, because as someone who writes Ghost as an adult in a child's body (hi, Gently, my beloved fic that is drowning from my dead muse), I had a kind of similar "hey wait" response at first.

But then you CLARIFIED. You took the time to ask, listen and let others educate you on another POV. It may not have changed your own personal HCs (and that's OK!!!), but you clarified your meaning was not people like me - it was not the average person who spurred it - and that's all anyone can really ask for. You don't have to agree with or ask people.

The best part of fandom is taking bits and pieces of each other's ideas and using them to decorate our sand castles and make them our own. That means "I wouldn't spin it that way but I liked reading how you did it." It also sometimes means "Oh I cannot get behind that but I respect your right to."

I think it says a lot that people are on anon, rather than actually talking to you and giving you a chance to engage with them one-on-one. I'm not sure I would label them trolls. I think their feelings got hurt and they are lashing out because of it, in an impolite way, rather than stopping to listen to explanations. I am going to give the benefit of doubt and assume that ill-intent wasn't meant, and that the reason they're on anon is that anxiety has them going "if I say it on my main, I'm going to get flamed because I offended popular tumblr user." To that I say: If you weren't on anon, Aren could've replied privately to you, and likely would have. A one-on-one conversation can go a large way for trying to clear up misunderstandings.

TBH, I probably could've just sent all of this on Discord but I just am frustrated. Asks like the ones you received are why I am terrified of sharing my own headcanons, why I assume anyone asking me ANY opinions has bad faith, and why everything I say has a giant ass disclaimer on it with "THIS IS LIKE, JUST MY OPINION GUYS" and we shouldn't have to do that. We shouldn't have to sit and police everything that we say because Someone Might Twist It.

Anyway, sorry. I just needed to put this out here because I was about to blow up on my own blog. lmao

Thank you tumblr user grollow I appreciate it immensely and I agree with everything you said about fandom being a sandbox made more fun by people having different ideas that make things fun to play with. It's just that I've been off in my corner playing relatively on my own for a bit, which kinda fucks over the amount of context you get on things a bit. And also the miscommunication had the misfortune of landing squarely in the intersection between 'things I really don't like' and 'things that have a canon basis but lack canonical descriptive details', turning it into a shitshow. Which I really really fucking wish didn't happen, even if I did enjoy discussing the pros and cons of different mental interpretations of Ghost and was able to come to the conclusion that it's about as appealing to me as a slice of apple pie. Which is to say, I like certain bits of it and will gladly nibble at said bits, but if there's any other option out there I'd take it over pie anyday. It's not bad and I certainly do enjoy it in extremely specific context, but it also doesn't appeal to me in the slightest and there's certain parts that I refuse to touch altogether (the texture of cooked fruit makes me cringe and nauseates me, much like the idea of Ghost being an adult trapped in a child's body from a horror perspective incites panic). But that's fine, bc then I can just plop the filling onto a friend's plate for their enjoyment, and nibble away at the bits I like in piece. My dislike of pie doesn't extend to the people who enjoy it, nor do I get upset when my brother refuses to eat what I cook for him. He's picky, I'm picky, I've got no right to judge. He's just as valid for saying my cream cheese frosting is gross as I am for thinking him refusing to eat anything but mac n cheese and scrambled eggs is gross. Same concept with fandom here

(And honestly, my judgement on the whole minor/adult thing is seperate from Ghost as a character altogether. I'm of similar mind with Miquella of Elden Ring, who is canonically an adult trapped in a child's body. Having a relationship with him in his child form would be fucked up- hell, even Mohg goes for breaking the curse first, and Mohg is canonically fucking insane! This isn't something limited to just one fandom, it's a hard line I draw in fiction in general)

Also yeah, I totally would have just worked it out in private, but I get the feeling the anon thinks I'm running some sort of clique or something over here where I would have twisted it into clout somehow. Which needless to say, I would not fucking do. Can't say this enough, but I'm autistic as all getout and had to deal with that enough in high school so I have nothing but contempt for that sort of behavior.

[dirty-osc-confessions]

Coming back to copy-paste my confessions for the background of my anon sona. The concept of an "anon sona" is kinda crazy esp since I can't share it on Tumblr bc my style is somewhat recognizable to those who know it, and part of the name is being anonymous. I guess it's better to have "🫳🫴🦷 anon" be the person tied to my words than my main blog/image.

I've been quietly using that emoji combo for at least a year before I was even on Tumblr though, so if any of my close friends ever get Tumblr and find confession blogs I'm done for.

The only place I think I can safely put the art itself is the main oscconfessions blog's discord, but the link expired, so I'm trying to be patient to wait for the meetup to end so I can beg for a new one. Honestly, it being closed right now hurts rrgfghg.

5 hours on my Freaky Tooth drawing so far. If anyone wants to see it, I can send it in the inbox, and as long as it's deleted eventually, I'm good. The want to show off art is slowly arguing the style recognition argument away

Something to confess while I'm here, the months Airy was gone in hfjone makes less sense the more I think about it.

Food & water are the basics - based on the assumption that hfjone follows the same rules/standard of other object shows, objects need to at least eat to survive. Furthermore, we can see that there are restaurants in the osc version of San Francisco, and if not that, there's at least a bar. Alcohol as a beverage was made through wheat products, which were only harvested for the purpose of food in the first place. There's always the possibility with that that in this alternative timeline, beer/alcohol was made later on in the modern age through experimenting with brain chem's reaction, and in this case, I present water. In the hfjone investigations, much like in a real police questioning scenario, each of those who give testimony are offered water. This is to build rapport, but I don't have time to go into criminal psychology (as much as I'd love to talk abt it, this is an osc confession), so instead I'll say for the sake of argument that water IS essential to an object living.

Where did they get the water during that time??? Sure, there was the swimming pool, but I doubt they'd do that for months without making some form of cup. Slurping up water WHILE SWIMMING IN THE WATER is a terrible idea, you will get another Liam scenario. (Also feel like the water level might've gone down a bit, but who cares.)

Food??? I think at this point, they still had Whippy Creamy, but whipped cream is not a viable source of nutrients. ALSO, there's an issue with quantity. Do you really think one tub of whipped cream could sustain a group of more than even ONE object for that long??? Idk, maybe they just started eating tree bark from those trees we see in the challenge to "run to the tree and back".

I have less of an issue with Airy's version of this. There was probably some wildlife/edible plant life around he could get in a decade.

I mean. You could always just. Moldy is still a piece of bread, and if you cut off the moldy bit, you might be able to last a bit. They didn't do that though, sucks to suck not to resort to cannibalism in basically a stranded island scenario. Speaking of, object anatomy, yeah? Weird stuff, but I'll talk about that some other time.

Still enjoy hfjone. I don't have anything vitriolic to say other than I still hate bfdi with all my heart and soul. Love all the algebraliens, though ♡

I didn't double-check any of my claims here, but I think rewatching all of hfjone/the investigation tapes earlier this month is still fresh enough in my mind to talk about.

I find Pi and Animatic are those I'm most 'down bad' for. Jjjjjesus I didn't plan on this being an nsfw consfession though, and it's already getting quite long as is.

xoxo, 🫳🫴🦷 anon (freaky tooth)

wow, interesting stuff. is there a history of adhd in your family?