#and i feel like it's going to be super sad

[noobsoconfusing]

going ham on zaza _ stoner!hamzah

- cant roll for shit so he likes bowls better, sometimes he buys pre rolled stuff too..

- probably the type to try and be a show off whenever he smokes with martin and ATTEMPTS to hold it for more than needed.. ends badly..

- loves getting high so much that martin starts to worry a bit about how often hamzah smokes now

- would constantly get zooted for videos, feeling like his true personality shows whenever he’s high. he feels funnier and more laid back, like he’s got absolutely no worries in the world

- he gets so floaty, so lightweight, loves how empty his mind feels, how careless he gets.

- hamzah gets only so giggly and maleable. his big eyes ever so red, teary and glossy, half lidded and somehow heavy.

- very, VERY into recording himself while on his smoke sessions. though he keeps the videos to himself, and later he watches them to laugh about whatever bullshit he had yapped about

- munchies go fucking wild. he would order doordash and fuck that shit up in a minute. if he’s too cooked to order, he’d prepare the most insane stuff he wouldn’t eat sober, but of course, he’d devour high.

- now, for real, he gets so oddly physical with himself whenever he’s high..

- wishes he had someone to relieve himself while high and also sober though, makes him sad :(

- he’s a lonely guy, lonely person in general. has only a few friends here and there, most on the internet that he hasn’t even met in person.

- goes absolutely ham on himself, stroking like there’s no tomorrow because somehow when he’s high he feels everything way too much , and the same time not enough

- very fucking sensitive, though

- whiny and loud as fuck. short whimpers and long groans, the wet quick sounds of his hand sliding up and down his dick fill the room and he feels so dreamy

“f-fuck fuck fuck f-fuck…” he shivers and whimpers out with his head thrown onto the pillows.

- actually tries to last a bit, but cums so fast always it’s super embarrassing for him. pathetic indeed

“please please please p-please… oh-oh my god..oh fuck! gonna cum, gonna cum… c-can…i..uh…” cries out loud. it’s a pretty sight.

hamzah then feels undeniably stupid realising he begs and pleas to basically no one

- he eventually cums on the sheets and on his hand, breathing heavy and shaking a bit. it’s always so intense, even when he’s not under the influence..

- post nut clarity hits hard

- he would stare into the void of his dark room with his wide bug-like eyes, giggling at the relief and wiping the sticky fluid on his shirt (he’s gross yeah..)

- in general stoner!hamzah gets touchy, very touchy and rather horny. he’s also very lightheaded per usual, prefers doing it alone since he knows for a fact he’ll end up going ham on his meat.

>_<

first post i guess uhhh okay idk if anybody will read dis

[f1ghtsoftly]

my head is scrambled but in Kate Manne’s “The Logic Of Misogyny” she put to words something I always, always knew was true.

Most of the time Men don’t hurt women for no reason, they punish women who assert themselves/their personhood. Misogynistic violence is a punishment, it’s a form of conditioning to get women to behave submissively towards men. To punish women for existing in public without male protection. To punish women for daring to think her intellect, athletic or artistic achievement could come before her sex.

I don’t present super femme anymore or hang around men outside my family basically ever-but when I did I was frequently targeted for sexual assault, usually by men who were frustrated they were attracted to me but couldn’t have me. They felt like I was taunting them-but asserting my right to exist as someone they were attracted to/without any sort of male protection or a male protection that didn’t involve sexual favors/submission. That wasn’t an accident, I’m sure if I meekly cowered behind a big boyfriend, I’m sure if I stayed inside, I’m sure if I didn’t assert myself as extraverted, intelligent, funny or charismatic those men would have left me alone-but that would have meant hiding myself from the world, hiding myself from other women and to me that was a bigger loss than a ‘lil danger. I made choices as a young person that I knew with certainty would bring me in closer proximity to men who wanted to hurt me, I decided that living a freer life was better than living a safe one. I don’t necessarily regret my assessment of patriarchy, I am sad that the price you pay for being an independent woman (in a social sense) in public is assault. I don’t blame women who think their safety is more important than making a statement. I’m sad for us both. I’m grateful I was able to find feminist communities because victimization isn’t just something casual you can shake off, even if it feels like men constantly target you/women in general.

Assault doesn’t just roll of your back either. It hurts. In the moment and for years afterwards it hurts. It’s always senseless. Always dehumanizing to the extreme. Always enraging. Always profoundly violating. Always a shock. I struggle to reconcile what I know about rape with what I know about people. I know people can be cruel, unthinking, insecure. I don’t know how someone can plot the rape of a friend or a stranger who has done nothing to deserve it. I don’t know how men can secretly tape their lovers, manipulate a young woman into sex she doesn’t want or do any of the things men do consistently or routinely. I don’t know how a boy could look at the face of his too drunk friend and go “this is my opportunity to have my way with her” instead of putting her to bed. Carelessness, thoughtless is easy to imagine. Conscious cruelty is not. Men know what they do and they either don’t care or like it.

I’m crying in a park in my Dad’s pickup truck. “There are worse things than this, you didn’t die-you’re alive” He says “this wasn’t your fault, I just want to keep you safe and what happened to you isn’t something I can control even though I wish I could”. “I’d feel better if you lived in Austin, because their self defense laws are better, there are lots of gay people there too”

He makes me laugh. I won’t move to Texas. He’s right, it’s not my fault, and helping me get better at self defense helps him feel like he can do something and while self defense does help-it’s not a perfect strategy. The misogynist’s prerogative is to snuff out the life force of the woman he interacts with, the only way to stop him from trying to do that is to become apart of the living dead. Even then, he’ll get your corpse.

There are worse things than rape in this life. A woman alive is better than a woman dead. I guess, but what life is it when constantly forced to battle for your right to live? When at a moments notice you can be filled from the inside out with death. Rotted from your insides out. I wish New York would let me have a gun. I wish I could make men afraid and polite in my presence the way I feel afraid and polite in theirs. I’m so tired of this.

[tiny-pun]

Taming the boss

Okay but I actually really like the trope of the super strict Boss A, who gets rather lenient when sad. So their employees hack up a plan to make them just upset enough to get them off their back for once. They elect B to do so, because

B is already As favourite (as much as you can be that to A lol) aka they know the most about A already OR t

OR B is the most troublesome employee already but can’t be fired for their genuinely outstanding work, so A can’t fire them and is also not surprised by being sad about A

The problem is that by this B becomes really close to A, trying to figure out the exact things that make the sad in juuuuuuust the right way for them to be lenient and not just a pissed off or crying mess of a boss. They end up spending so much time together even outside of work that B has to come to the realisation that … they don’t like seeing A sad. Even if it means filling out the forms spotless and having no hair sit incorrectly on their head.

A already likes B before hand and is delighted by spending more time with them and constantly glad that in “this tough time we’re everything seems to go wrong all the time” B is a rock for them (making B feel worse about using them)

A genuinely disliked them but B is suddenly their emergency call soo yeah

Following topics could be discussed

The wrong Coffe order gets them angry upset but a bunch of cute kittens being left on the street gets them so sad, everyone gets to go home early that day

The realisation that A might be strict but usually not unfair or unreasonable. They just like order and are also terrified of a lawsuit for something stupid like the incorrect numbers on a form.

No matter how much B messes and sabotages the bosses happiness, the moment someone else tries it e.g. a rival company or their asshole family, it’s on sight.

A being happy that B suddenly spends much time with them, even if it’s usually bad news

A feeling like they constantly pour their heart out to B and B is not giving anything back. But B is just so in their own head, scheming the next thing that could upset A, so they can have to whole weekend off.

“Wait, how do you know where I life Boss? Are you actually listening when I talk you ear off ?!? What the hell ?”

“There are rumors about you two. Is this still part of the plan or are you actually dating ?” “Are we what now?”

[thebutterfly-effects]

Its Snowing Like Its The End Of The World ⋆｡°✩

hypothesis: after everything, he comes back to see you do that to him? he’s been selfish all his life, and theres a reason for the action he made on your big day.

warnings: none really, self inflicted angst? unaliving, sad, english is not my second language sorry if this sucks, Satoru justifies his actions, the best-friends fall out but they love each other trope, this is mostly Satoru’s pov.

bye im never gonna write again after this

Have you ever heard of the Japanese phrase “Yamato Nadeshiko”? Its a phrase used to describe the ideal Japanese woman.

Quiet, Meek, Timid, Calm, Nurturing, Bears a lot of children, Knows her place, Always respects her husband.

Some people argue that this type of girl has been going extinct in our day and age, it’s hard to find it. According to men, women are either super lenient, or a tough feminist that would brutally murder a man. And always choose the bear, perhaps.

Satoru Gojo hated that term. He thought what if he had his own type of ‘Yamato Nadeshiko’?

what if he didn’t want the one to be a timid girl that would submit to his every word? what if he wanted a little challenge? a headache? a thrill? something he would never expect?

There weren’t many options in Jujutsu Tech. Ugh. There was Shoko, but she’s a really good friend, and if he’s being honest, shes facing some major lesbian allegations in the school. Yikes. With who though?!?!?!

Obviously theres many other girls in the school, but none were worth Satoru’s time.

Then there was the Kyoto girls. Utahime, which was a mother fucking no. Mei Mei? she’s probably gonna be after his money, and they’d look related anyway; white hair n shit.

That scratches off all of the girls in Satoru’s list, mind list at least— he wants some love, real genuine love, lets be honest, hes fucking deprived. a virgin? maybe? maybe not? but deprived? absolutely.

..

Unless we mention one last girl. You. Satoru’s ultimate best friend, attached to the hip, a package deal. The type of friends where if one was absent the sensei would ask where the other was.

mhm, it was like that.

Suguru was obviously still his best friend too. But you? you were somethin’ else.

✧༺ ♡ ༻∞

“you ever think if meteors were actually made of cheese like in tom n jerry?” Satoru asks with a mouthful of nerd clusters in his mouth, it was his fifth pack but he burned through the calories like fire on paper.

You look at him. You’re so fed up with his dumb questions, for a guy that has to do fucking calculus in his head every time he uses his techniques, he sure was fucking dumb.

“they’re made of rocks.” you say flatly, continuing to crochet a little penguin for Shoko, she said she wanted an audience of crocheted animals to watch her as she dissects his friends. Yikes.

Satoru pouts, licking the sweetness off his lips as he stares at you, his glasses tipping down his nose. “what do you take me for? of course i knew that.” he scoffed.

“did you though?”

“did.”

“did not.”

“did.”

“did not.”

“did.”

“ugh, did n-“

he silences you by an ambush of kisses to your cheek, and a couple of head pats. “did!” he grinned, holding your face with one hand, both your poor cheeks were squished together. You wondered if this is what puffer fish feel like when humans poke them when they’re look all round n shit.

“real smooth, Sato.” you roll you eyes, looking off into the distance, your eyes catching a glimpse of a snowflake?

Its already snowing? what the hell?

“whatchu lookin at, hm?” he murmurs, taking his glasses off because as he always says, you were the only thing that didn’t overwhelm his eyes. “lemme see-“

“snowflake.” you mumbled.

“it’s august though..? is this effects of el niño or el niña?” he says, throwing a peach ring into his mouth.

You stare at him, like he just grew horns and a tail. “um.. no, that has to do with water temperature changing from japan’s oceans and south america’s.” you say.

“global warming?”

“Satoru.”

“what?”

“repeat that for me, please?”

“global warming.”

..

“oh, warming. hehe.. sorry.” He says, rubbing his neck before crinkling the plastic bag of the gummies in his hand.

“you know my mom always told me that when snow comes in the summer to tropical countries, it means the end of the world is near.” You say, stealing a peach ring from his mouth.

Its his turn to look at you like you grew two heads.

“that’s probably the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, but ill slide it cuz i love you.” he says.

“tch, can’t speak your mind these days.” you mutter, and he smiles and lays his head on your lap, staring at the small snowflakes falling, and the shooting stars in the sky.

The silence was nice, never awkward between you two. You were as close as conjoined twins, yes i said it, forgive me. Maybe you were a little delusional and thought there was something more to it? you don’t know. You don’t want to know, its treading on thin ice.

Satoru was likely the only person you feel comfortable here with in the school, you left your clan— which was so far away, you left your home far away to pursue jujutsu. Your friends were cool, Shoko was very friendly, and you felt like you had a stable girlfriend here, Suguru was always friendly but its like conversations with him were so forced and short.

Satoru was always the one to like talking, eating, doing whatever came to his mind— you liked his sense of carelessness, someway it balanced out how grounded and reserved you were, gave you a breath of fresh air.

for him?

you grounded him, more than Suguru ever could, he felt like there was always this wall for him to lean on if he felt like he couldn’t stand anymore. All this bullshit of him having to keep calm and be the strongest was teetering him on the edge of losing it all. Alas, you were there, you are there.

hopefully this stays this way forever, right?

..right?

✧༺ ♡ ༻∞

where did any of this go wrong.

how did it go wrong?

he swears he never meant for the fallout to happen, shit just.. happens sometimes, a measly fight that made your ‘friendship’ fizzle. Disappear. Catch on flames the way Sodium did when it touched water. Not to mention, he was dealing with losing Suguru at the time, it was a lot for him to process..? One moment Suguru was fine.. then, he just flipped a switch.

Or maybe Satoru didn’t notice it.

Which makes it either; Suguru was a good liar, or Satoru was a shit friend.

He doesn’t want to think that he was a shit friend, and he doesn’t want to think Suguru had lied to him as well.

God this was all so frustrating.

His haori suddenly felt suffocating.

For an article of clothing that was meant to be very loose and baggy, Satoru felt strangled right now.

Blue eyes, raw and misty as he watched you stand with some snobby guy who was heir of his clan, you in your white shiromuku, looking so sweet and angelic.

He had been sealed for a while, only to come out and hear that you were getting married? where have you been all these years while plaguing his mind, why didn’t you tell him?

he supposes he knows why, but it still stings.

stings to see you wear your shiromuku next to a man that was supposed to be him.

his fist clenched, then unclenched. This wasn’t fair, did you forget everything that happened before you fell out? small kisses? little ways of saying i love you indirectly? was he not obvious with his love for you? moreover, were you lying? because theres no way on God’s green earth you were able to just move on so fast when he never did.

The sight in his eyes just fills him with rage, sadness, FOMO of something that was supposed to be his.

he lifts his fingers, aiming for your groom.

all sense of logic goes away as he murmurs the two words and a blast of purple rushes past everyone, people that were probably not important, not to him at least, and they get caught up in the crossfire before it finally lands on him.

and no longer was he your groom.

you don’t even get to see what happens as you fall down and hit your head on the concrete.

maybe you feel a hand touching you, you assume its your groom— you assume its someone— but the instinct in your gut tells you its someone else— and judging by that purple light—-

Satoru sighs, trying to wipe the stains of your no longer future husband’s blood off your shiromuku, even his blood stained you, it irked him.

“what were you up to, hm?” he whispered, though he knew you weren’t listening. His knuckles lingered on your cheek.

“couldn’t just sit and watch, my girl. Im sorry.” he whispered, genuine remorse in his voice— not for killing the guy, but because you got hurt in the process of his rash decision.

While he should be out there, fighting that monstrosity called Sukuna, he was here. Hes sorry, he really is, but he’s been selfless all his life— can’t he be selfish this one time? Or would it be the end of the world?

how ironic.

it is the end of the world. Sukuna’s out there ending lives like he was stepping on cockroaches; and the strongest sorcerer was here, hands stained with the blood of the man trying to marry his girl.

He knows he shouldn’t say shit like this, you guys haven’t talked in years— you moved to Kyoto just to not feel the pain of the fall out between you two.

But alas, you both loved each other. He hopes you still do— because you were here trying to get married while he was sealed away for a while.

maybe you didn’t know he was sealed.

maybe.

He feels something cold on his nose, and he touches it.

a snowflake, reminds him of that time you guys saw a meteor— then traces of snow though it was mid august. Maybe this was the universe’s sign that he did the right thing, to make things right, to take back what he desperately wanted.

He smiled a little to himself as he saw another snowflake land on your cheek, so he cradled you, gathering you in his arms as he walked away from the scene.

he sees the snow rapidly increasing and smiles.

“remember that time you told me about what your mama said?” he murmurs, holding you close, hoping you’re listening somewhere in there. “snow in summer means the end of the world.” he says, looking up at the sky.

Sukuna.

almost losing you.

half his friends dying.

his students in danger.

japan in danger.

“i guess its snowing like its the end of the world.” he murmurs, hoping you’d wake up and let him lean on you when he needed you most. which is now.

wake up.

“please.”

[ariesmoontarot]

Earth Sign Reading🌎

Taurus♉️:

There is someone in your life who has a very healing & loving energy towards you. I see that you’re focused on taking care of those you love and the one you love. I also see that you’ve been loving yourself a bit more and connecting more deeply to your surroundings. This person could’ve helped motivate you into being in this energy. You’ve grown and overcome so much and you may be wondering when you’re going to have your moment. You’ve been waiting for something for a while now and I feel like it could have something to do with finances/career, home, family, or a relationship. You aren’t seeing any opportunities around you at this time and I feel like you’ve been reflecting on this. Thinking of what you can do or how you can do things differently to receive the outcome that you want. I feel like it’s your mentality that you’ve been really trying to change and maybe you weren’t looking at things in the most positive way because of past disappointments. However I feel like you being more patient, optimistic, & confident in trusting that things will happen the way they’re supposed to, will help you attract what you want. You just have to make sure you’re aligned with what you want energetically. Acting as if you already have it within you. You have to start allowing yourself to feel now, what you’d feel when you receive the opportunity you want. I feel like you’re really self assured and independent. You don’t really need to be surrounded by a bunch of people or things that don’t benefit you or your goals. Maybe right now is a time for you to be by yourself in solitude. There were bad habits, influences, fears, & possibly addictions that were affecting your energy. I see you freeing yourself from any toxic and harmful behaviors or environments. You are ready for change and I see you going towards new things with a very lighthearted and positive attitude. Don’t commit yourself to a specific thing or person right now because I feel like it’ll only distract you and things are already divinely and inevitably falling into place. The main thing you need to focus on is what you can control and that is yourself. Start embodying the qualities, values, & standards you need for yourself to feel confident and secure. I’m seeing that when the opportunity you’ve been wanting presents itself to you it won’t be how it usually is. You may be used to feeling super excited, passionate, & a burst of energy when new things come to you, but for this it’s going to take some patience, hard work, & dedication. This is something you’ll have to fight for in a way and I feel like it will seem as if things aren’t going in your favor but they are. You will see in due time, but you need to trust and have faith that it is. There could be two different people or things that you are juggling at this time and the best thing you can do is keep your own energy balanced and centered. Don’t lose yourself trying to keep others satisfied and be sure to limit your distractions!!

Virgo♍️:

I feel like you’ve been working towards being more stable and independent when it comes to your finances, relationships, & career. You want long term results and I feel like you are slowly receiving that. You’ve been healing and releasing any sadness and grief from losses and heartaches. You could’ve been feeling betrayed or really hurt by an experience you had in the recent past and I feel like you’re starting to see the bright side of things. You’re listening to your inner voice and trusting the information you receive about a lot of people and situations. Right now there’s a need for more patience and persistence. Things aren’t happening as fast as you’d like but your efforts and energy that you put towards your goals will be rewarded in due time. Finding ways to cultivate the feeling of you already having achieved so much will help you accomplish more. When you feel good you get to live good. You won’t see challenges as a horrible thing but rather something that helps you learn and grow even more. You will go through trials and tribulations but at the end of the day you can overcome them. Having endurance and confidence will help you more than you know. I feel like you don’t really see how far you’ve come and grown as a person and maybe it’s time for you to start looking at things differently. Don’t think about the challenges that lie ahead of you or what could possibly go wrong. Just think of all the things that could go right and be practical and diligent about the way you move.

Capricorn♑️:

I feel like you’ve been dealing with someone who is a little self centered. They’re focused on themselves and what can benefit them. I feel like things can be really passionate and at the same time cold with them. They come off as very direct, straightforward, & reserved. They aren’t too emotional or expressive about their feelings and they usually just like to make things happen instead of talk. They strategize their steps and move accordingly to their plans. I feel like this is someone who can be on the go a lot and usually has to make the time to be around people. You could be feeling insecure and unworthy of receiving love right now and I see you a little emotionally dependent on this person. It seems like aren’t giving you the time of day or really even focused on you at all and I feel like it’s been weighing heavily on you how they can just seem so distant and not even think about you. You’re in the dark about a lot of things and you don’t understand why. You could feel like there is no future or point of even opening up to this person because of the way things have been going. However I feel like it’s your fears and insecurities that are making you feel this way because maybe you’ve been through a situation in the past that is triggering trauma. Don’t place your emotions and happiness too much on this persons actions and just focus on what you can control and how you can keep yourself more reserved and less reactive. Your personal happiness is more important right now than being worried about somebody else who is focused on themselves. You need time to reflect and process your emotions before you speak and make decisions that could affect you long term. Focus on what is in your life and what’s showing up for you. Pay attention to the details of things and the information you find out, but keep things to yourself. Not everything needs to be said. I also feel like you don’t give things and people enough time to grow. It’s almost like the minute you feel a certain way or something in you gets triggered, you run and detach from the thing you feel that’s causing it. Good things take time, patience, effort, & commitment. It also takes a lot to even trust in the results before seeing them. You need to have unwavering faith and know that what you need will come to you at the right time and place.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.171 Happy birthday to ya

When it got closer to party time, Sophia and I moved the couch to the backyard for more seating options. Our parties always end up fragmented with some sims eating in the house and others on the patio. My goal is to keep everyone together, so hopefully this will help. We also moved the picnic blanket and put the portable crib outside to accommodate the little ones. Because we're friendly again, I invited Yasmine and her girls, but she declined. She doesn't know the other guests and didn't want anyone asking questions about Stacey. I completely understood but feel bad for her. This spellcaster business has really trapped her and the girls in their home.

Apart from my baby aging up, I'm most excited about having Dub and his family in our home for the first time. Between the deaths and parenthood, it's been super hard for us to connect lately. I guess I was naïve enough to believe it would be easier being in the same city, but life keeps proving it doesn't matter where we are. Life is going to life, and that's that. I suppose I'll have to be more intentional about hanging with him too.

"You got it smelling good out here, bro," a voice says from behind me.

That Henford accent is unmistakable, and I was so glad to hear it. I turned around and embraced him.

"Wassup, man! Did you find us okay? Welcome! Finally!"

"Right? Took you long enough!"

"Don't even play, man. You know how life is sometimes."

"Sure do. This house is nice! And the view!"

"Thanks. If you're able to stick around later, I'll give you the tour. Hey, where's Maia? Is she coming?"

"Yeah, she's running a little late. She's just finishing up a project for a client."

"Ahhh. See? San Sequoia has been good to you already. I'm glad her business is picking up."

There's no way Dub showed up alone, so I looked around for Tambara, knowing she couldn't be too far behind. I spotted her toddling across the yard, trying her best to catch up with her daddy.

"She's getting to be extremely independent these days," Dub said when he realized I was watching her. "She won't even let us pick her up anymore. I don't mind that so much, but waiting for her really slows me down."

"She'll get faster," I said, thinking about Desiree's determination. "Just give her time."

Tami and Desi look nothing alike, but I see glimpses of the immediate future in her proud face and wobbly gait. I want Desi to grow up and change the world, but I can't part with my little girl. At the same time, I'm anxious to see her continue to grow. I love watching her smash these milestones like the boss baby she is. Ugh. Fatherhood is just a melting pot of contradictions. How can I be happy and sad, proud and scared at the same time?

Tami finally made her way over to us, so I waved.

"Hey there! Do you remember me? I'm Luca. That's a pretty dress."

Her face lit up, and I knew it didn't matter if she remembered me or not. I was currently her new bestie. Flattery works at all ages, hee hee.

"What do you say when someone gives you a compliment?" Dub asked.

"I know," she shouted.

Me and Dub had a good laugh. She's so precocious, and I love it. Kids really do say the darndest things, and I can't wait to hear what Desi will have to say. Hopefully that's not a be careful what you wish for situation, heh.

"That's right, Tam," I said. "You better know it."

"How are you holding up?" Dub asked, wiping the smile off my face.

"I'm good. As good as I can be, rather. It gets a little better every day."

"I'm glad to hear it. I can't even think about what that's going to be like."

"It might sound morbid, but you should start thinking about it, man. It's the shock that's hard to get over."

"You play dollies with me," Tambara shouts.

That was probably supposed to be a question, but she's too excited about her new, big friend and it's too cute.

"Oh, no," Dub says to me. "You start that and she'll never let you go."

She's adorable, looking just like both of them. I hope she and Desi will like each other. It'll be a shame to have them fighting or snubbing each other when we hang out.

"You can play with Desiree later, okay?" he says.

"Speaking of... We should probably get this show on the road soon. Let me finish these ribs."

(makeovers and family photos below!)

Dub and fam by @mysimsloveaffair

[perfectlysanexd]

I haven't done one of these kind of posts in a while, but the expressions in Rebirth were top notch, and I wanted to talk a bit about and analyze Sephiroth's different smiles, both pre and post Nibelheim.

Nibelheim itself is difficult to gauge, because SOLDIER Cloud is actually Zack, and furthermore, some of it is definitely his own wishful thinking. But one thing you can say for sure, is that they portray that Sephiroth, despite being so emotionally weary, still summons up the energy to smile at his friend.

As soon as he turns away from Zack, his smile falls, and he doesn't give one to the Mayor at all.

However, when he turns back to inform the men that they're free until sundown, he summons up another smile for them. I don't think that he's just attempting to keep their morale up, he genuinely has affection for Zack, and cares for the others. He respects them for their service, putting their lives on the line for what they think is a good cause, and Sephiroth—as we saw in Ever Crisis—learned to be a compassionate person, who cares about the lives of others, even enemies.

Of course, he's deeply distressed during this time, the despair is eating him alive. Even Cloud acknowledges(despite having not known Sephiroth on a personal level) that he just wasn't himself once they arrived. But I'm not going to talk about my theories on all the Jenova stuff right now, that's not the focus here. Even at the window, you can tell he's feeling off, but when he turns to Zack, he attempts to smile again.

Sephiroth has never enjoyed his fame, and as we learned in Ever Crisis, he didn't choose it; Shinra made up bogus achievements and declared him to be a hero before even his first field assignment, as part of their recruitment campaign. Can't argue with results, I guess—it certainly got Cloud to join up out of hero worship, right? In EC, Sephiroth admits that all he ever wanted was to be normal, something that he knows he can never have. How sad...

So when this man wants to take his picture, it's no wonder that he's over it by then, and tells him no. And rather politely, too, all things considered. But even before that, he smiles and tells Zack that as long as he does his job, their young tourguide will be safe.

But as soon as he turns his back and walks away? Yeah, that smile immediately fades.

Which certainly doesn't change when the guy takes his picture. But of course, when Zack asks Sephiroth to pose for one, he just can't say no, even though he's not super happy about it. Anyway, he continues to smile at Zack for the duration of their journey up Mt. Nibel, making an effort to talk and even cracking a couple jokes, just trying to be a good leader and keep them in good spirits.

And of course, there's the very sad bridge part, where you can tell that he's genuinely upset that he failed to save the other infantryman that got washed away. He searches for him, but comes up empty-handed. Still, he smiles for Zack and teases him about a performance assessment, since their morale is quite low now, but they need to keep going.

Honestly, the Nibelheim part of Rebirth really did an excellent job of portraying Sephiroth's inner struggle. For reference, there are only 3 points in Remake, I think, when Sephiroth drops his ever-present, sometimes affectionate(towards Cloud) and often unhinged, smile: First, it's replaced with sheer rage as he kills President Shinra.

Second time, is when Aerith has a Cetra moment and suggests that his entire existence is "wrong".

And the third time is when he holds out his hand to Cloud at the Edge of Creation, and is rejected by him.

Anyway, back to Rebirth. Ignoring the bizarre smiles he showed us as Nibelheim was burning, as if he was in a trance and just not all there(that's a subject for a different chat), post-Nibelheim Sephiroth's smiles are interesting, too, if we consider what kind they are, depending on who he's dealing with.

For people he hates, like Tseng, it's much more unhinged looking, and very cold. You can tell there's a certain measure of satisfaction from shanking him, haha...

For someone like Aerith, who...I wouldn't exactly say that he hates her, but she's definitely in the way. I would almost say that he considers her to be actively preventing Cloud from recovering his true memories, leading him to remain as merely Sephiroth's "puppet", but that's a theory for another day. He looks at her coldly, as well, but it's a bit different. There's a bit more respect there than there was for Tseng.

And then there's Zack. Actual Zack. I feel like, deep down, he still cares about him, and has no intention of killing him. I almost sense a little...regret? Maybe? Hm. It's definitely a bit warmer of a smile. And of course, although he had many opportunities to get rid of Zack, he doesn't. Instead, he sends him off into the space between worlds safely.

And of course, last but certainly not least, is the way he smiles at Cloud. I know, I know. "But Sane, you like sefikura, so you're biased!" Look, I won't deny that. However, when you really look at it and compare his smiles, which is what this is all about, his truest smiles are always saved for Cloud. He has 2 different "flavors": pure affection and cruel affection. (There are also a few pity smiles, I think.) The former is used most of the time, whenever Cloud is in his sight, and the latter is used during moments when he's trying to control/influence him. I would almost say that he's...satisfied, yet regretful at the same time?? Like these:

And now, let's contrast that with his more genuine, affectionate smiles for Cloud... (The first shot here ⬇ can be contrasted with the shot 2 up from the bottom there ⬆, as the one above is when he's calling Cloud his puppet, and the one below is when Cloud goes to attack him and he opens his arms wider for the incoming uh...embrace.)

Remake had many interesting smiles from him, too, but that will have to be a different post, as this already has 30 screenshots. Anywho, you're free to draw your own conclusions, and not everyone reads faces in the same way, so maybe I'm nuts. Who knows? Either way, I hope you enjoyed this random, indulgent, very long post, haha. If you made it to the end, you're awesome. 💕

All screenshots were taken by me on my PS5. I won't ask for credit on them, since literally anyone can take an identical shot if they pause at the right second. (The exception are the 3 Remake shots, which were taken on PC with mods and the freecam. For those, I would appreciate credit if you use them anywhere, since I don't watermark them.)

[greenconverses]

I’m big time upset about annabeth’s characterization in these new books. She looked for Percy for a year or something, did everything she did in HOO, she’s so amazing that she caught up on all of her school work (in fact she’s back on track to go to an ivy if she wants after everything that happened to her), she has all this extra time for Percy (having a boyfriend is time consuming enough without his quests), and then she’s so good at socializing with mortals and so popular…. Just to go to New Rome University (wtf is new rome university) and live in new rome. It makes me sad for her because I feel like RR won’t let her be bad at anything or awkward anymore and she just has to be this hyper competent angel gf all the time…

Oh also the way Percy is contrasted against annabeth in this new series makes me nauseous. I feel in some ways she only exists as this hyper-competent angel gf so that percy has something to "aspire to"… as though he hasn't proven himself a million times and deserves to constantly measure himself up against annabeth. It really just robs them both of their depth and motivation and mutual respect for each other that was so painstakingly built up in the original books.

I was telling @perseannabeth last night that while Annabeth had a lot of pagetime in Wrath, she felt like an utter non-presence other than the last couple of action scenes. And yes, it's because he keeps writing Percy as the only one with all the problems and Annabeth is the perfectest, smartest angel who is always right and can do no wrong, unlike stupid idiot Percy. Ha. Ha.

I do think a lot of the character issues in these books come from him avoiding or only introducing easily resolvable conflict with the main trio. Part of what makes Percy and Annabeth, well, Percy and Annabeth is that they have conflict. Conflict doesn't mean they have to be mean to each other or something terrible has to happen to them, but having them at odds with each other over something (anything) allows for interesting character development and growth.

Grover and Annabeth each get moments of "aw I kinda fucked up" in Wrath that are resolved with basically no effort because Percy shrugs it off or blames himself for their actions. I couldn't even begin to tell you how Annabeth's hubris played a part in the third act ghost fight, but apparently it did, so that's a thing he can brush off because teamwork is all that matters in the end, kids!

And the thing is, Rick is actually setting up a really good conflict with Percy constantly bottling up his rage and messy feelings, but he's too much of a coward to pull the trigger on it. Grover destroying the house and releasing the animals was the perfect spot to actually pursue that conflict and give everyone something to do other than mini quests. Percy could've yelled at Grover and Annabeth for failing to do what they had promised him, and then everyone could deal with the consequences (both of the initial mistake and the fallout of his anger) and make amends in a meaningful way. Instead, Percy has to grit his teeth and fucking apologize to Grover instead. (I'm gonna do a separate post about this because boy howdy do I have THOUGHTS on that.)

By making Annabeth the perfectest, smartest girlfriend ever for dumb dumb Percy, RR is basically removing the conflict that makes them interesting together. There's also the matter of conflict being one of Annabeth's main drivers. Conflict happens to Percy ("I didn't want to be a half-blood."); Annabeth looks for it. And now she's just along for the ride... as long as it doesn't mess up her studying schedule! Her job is school now. Don't get your hopes up.

Also, super controversial opinion ahead, but I think the show casting has contributed to how he's writing Annabeth now. He's deliberately avoided describing her in these books. It's all very vague impressions of her, to the point of Percy describing her having a "human face, human hair" when she turns back after the animal transfiguration in Wrath. No blonde hair. No gray eyes. It's weird.

(Note: I'm not saying the TV cast is wrong or weird, I'm saying it's fucking insane that this man is trying to retcon 15 books worth of character descriptions so his dumbass "actually we never SAID annabeth was white, you just perceived her as it!!!!" defense holds some water.)

[reveriebae]

Anchor tattoo

pairing(s) : Ex! Song Mingi x f!reader

word count : 2,259

genre : smut

synopsis : when your highschool ex who is also your first love and also your neighbor unexpectedly have a visit to your place.

warning(s) : you could say reader is cheating, reader has a tattoo (of course it's on the title), unprotected sex, marking (m receiving), lmk if I missed something!

Part of Songfic

Minors do not interact, 21+ only!!

🪐smut under the cut🪐

Million drops of cold water running down, leaving goosebumps all over your skin. Cold shower after spending all day at the office probably something you enjoy every night. The smell of your watermelon shampoo you just excitedly bought yesterday literally spread all over the bathroom, it's nice.

You get out of the bathroom after you finished take a shower, put on Jongho's hoodie that's long enough to cover more than a half of your thighs then doing your skincare. You saw the text you haven't replied before you take a shower, it's from your boyfriend Jongho.

He's been super busy lately so he's rarely visit your house unlike he usually did, his place and yours is a bit far though and you are currently busy too because you just moved to a new brach office so there's a lot to do at the new office so you and him could just wait until the weekend to meet at his place or yours, depends on the situation and it's been about 3 months.

Your schedule is still the same, go home at 8 work at 10 but Jongho's schedule has been changed, he usually finished his work at 5 but now he even still working at 9 so that's the reason why he can't meet you often like how he used to do. Sometimes you get bored and feel so lonely without him, not having company after all day working like you used to have is kind of unusual in some way, but you always trying to understand that you couldn't always expect your boyfriend to be around you everytime so things slowly being fine, you don't call your boyfriend to cry and say 'i miss you' 60 times in every minute, you don't drool on his black tee because you cry yourself to sleep to end up ruining your skincare and cry when you wash the t-shirt anymore, you cry a lot back then and it make you wonder how your boyfriend could stand being with you for the whole 9 months until today.

Your type 'ok' and press the send button when someone ringing the bell at your door, they pressing the bell multiple times it is noisy and you run up to the door to open it and found Mingi in front of you. Mingi, your ex boyfriend when you're still in senior highschool, the reason you broke up with him is just because both of you aren't ready for a relationship yet, you both don't know what to do, don't know how to feel, don't even know how to understand each other and don't know how to maintain that kind of relationship, he is your very first boyfriend and so you are to him. You both decided to end the relationship with no bad blood, with no anger, with no sadness, with the 'we gotta learn how to love first, we can go back if we are ready and we both want to' deal and you both agreed.

You haven't really talked with him for the past two and a half years, sometimes you saw his car passes your house in the morning when you're about to go to work, sometimes you saw him at the convenience store, sometimes you both say hi to each other when you do jogging on sunday morning, because you two live close to each other so you still often see Mingi around your place, but this is the first time after the break up, he actually come to your house.

"Hey..can I come in for a bit? It's urgent, kind of.." his hair is damp you assume he's sweating cause he's literally gasps for air like he's been chased by a ghost.

"O-of course you can Mingi" You nod and let Mingi enter your house, you told him to wait and sit on the couch and you decided to make him some tea. You come back from the kitchen to living room, Mingi still there sitting on the couch. "What happen actually? If you don't mind to tell me" you say as you put the cup of tea on the table in front of him.

"So..do you perhaps know Carla?" You nod and sit beside him, she moved not really far from here about 4 months ago, you heard she's from Europe and you actually ever met her like twice when her mom asked if Carla could borrow your dress and you just gave her instead of lend the dress to her cause you don't really like to share (obviously) and that time when Carla looks like she trying to be close to you by come over to your house everyday waiting for you to come home from work for a whole 2 weeks but you're so busy so she stopped, you haven't say sorry tho. "Yeah, I and her are dating for about two months, everything is going fine until my mom accidentally tells her that you are my ex, she went crazy and always trying to blame you when she noticed my feelings are gone for her" you noticed that he plays his fingers, he might be hiding something cause isn't it weird when your ex suddenly come to your house and talk about a girl, to you? To his ex? What if he just wanna mess with you? What if he just wanna get to close to you again? Second guessing is not that bad yk you gotta be careful with men.

"Oh I'm sorry for that Mingi, but why do you come here?".

"She's at my house, I told her I want to break up but she refused to, now she's haunting me but plays innocent in front of my parents, of course my parents believe me more than her, so I ran out from my house and I could only think about you when I try to find a place to hide".

You let out a hum then realized, all the house in this complex had the same shape, there are two doors to go outside but the backyard is a garden and have no access to go to the street so the only door that could is just the front one, if he said that he ran here when he knew Carla is coming to his house, then Carla must see him leaving the house right?.

"How did you..".

"Jump off the balcony to the tree, you know the tree beside my house had a ladder on it hm?" Damn is this guy could actually read mind?, you just nod to him and he drink the warm tea you gave him. "Ah..warm tea after a cold shower is really nice, thanks pumpkin" You choke after caught what he just said, 'pumpkin' is the nickname he gave you when you two still together.

"Yeah..sure,uhm. I'm..gonna bring some biscuits" you quickly walk to the kitchen to take a breath. God this is so wrong but you missed him, he looks so handsome and hot with his platinum hair and black shaped glasses and those stupid rings around his stupid slender and long fingers. You feel like if you make a skin to skin contact with him you gonna jump and fuck him right there and then.

You were opening up a cookie jar to take some of the cookies to put it on the plate when you feel a pair of hands holding you into an embrace. "What got you busy here, pumpkin? Are you avoiding me?" His head snuggle up your neck and one of his hand moving your hair to the side then his chin rest on your shoulder.

"Mingi, what are you doing? ngh-" you muffled a moan when the tips of his nose touch the skin of your neck.

"Mmh still so sensitive for me, my little pumpkin" he takes a heavy breath then let it out, the air brushing your skin make you shiver. "You smell like watermelon, you always love them pumpkin, you don't change even a bit" you grip his hands, trying to get out from his hold but it's just get tighter and tighter. "I really miss you pumpkin, please don't run away from me" he lick a stripe on your neck and that's it. That's enough to make you apologize to yourself and your boyfriend because you can't take it anymore.

"Stop it Mingi, we can't" Mingi stops his movement and you turn around to face him, he frowns. "We can't do it..in the kitchen, let's go to my room" smile creeps on his face as you hold his hand and take him you your room. Mingi take a sit on your bed then you straddle him and cup his face in your hands. "I got a feeling that you lie to me about Carla, but fuck it I really need you right now".

"I did not lie to you pumpkin, the actual reason I wanna break up with her is because I always think about you when I'm with her, not to mention when she started to copy your style by wearing a dress that is look just like yours" He plays with your hair while you wrap your arms around his neck.

"That is actually my dress, I gave it to her".

"Why?".

"That's a long story to tell.." his thumb starts rubbing your bottom lips.

"God I missed this lips so bad, really bad it hurts" his thumb now rubbing your cheek as you lean into him to put your lips on his. His eyes closed and so is yours, the more the kiss gets deeper and deeper.

Clothes scattered everywhere all over the floor, both of your bodies are now bare, touches everywhere. You lean into him to bury your face in the crook of his neck, leaving kisses and marks all over him. "I hope you wouldn't mind" you fingers grazing over the marks you made yourself on his skin.

"Don't even hesitate, pumpkin. Give me a lot of your reminder" you smirk at his words. Still sit on his lap, you stroke his cock to spread his precum all over his cock. He lets out moans while you look at his face, intensely. Wanting to observe every detail of expression he made, the way his eyebrows furrowed, his head falls back, mouth open wide and sweats trickle on his forehead. "Yess pumpkin, that feels nice..oh- fuckk" hisses leaves his lips when you slowly slip his cock inside you.

"Mingi..you feel bigger than I could remember" you moan out a bit louder, smile creeps on his face then he cups your ass on both of his hand and helps you grind on his cock.

Started with slow pace, when he sees your face filled with pleasure he decided to fasten the pace by moving you up and down his cock. You let out choked moans from his action then you lay down when you feel you don't have the ability to sit straight anymore which made Mingi stop his movement. "Aww, my little pumpkin feeling tired already? I thought- oh fuck! You still have the tattoo?" Mingi said after he sees the anchor tattoo on your left rib cage, on the side of your left boob.

"I mean it's a permanent tattoo Mingi..so yea, I still have it" it's the first ever tattoo you have which is it's Mingi who pushed you to get your first tattoo, and he even picked out the design.

He yanked your thighs then rub his cock on your pussy and slide it in. "Fucking come back to me pumpkin" before you can answer he thrust into you roughly, you muffled your scream by biting your bottom lips. Slapping sound, muffled moans and light sound of babbling from both of you and Mini echoed your bedroom.

"Fuck Mingi! You fuck me so hard, fuck me so good..gonna cum, pleasee.." you cry and start sobbing from the pleasure he's giving to you.

He thrust harder without slowing his pace then make you see stars when he licks his thumb then circle your clit with it, your body spasming under him, pussy clenching, eyes rolling back, drops of tears escapes then your hand flew to close your mouth with the back of your hand to stifled the sound that about to burst out of your mouth.

"Shit pumpkin, too tight!" Then he released inside you after a few thrust and give a few thrust to ride your orgasm. He leans down and put his head on your chest. "Your breath match with the sound of your heartbeat pumpkin" he looks at your face and smiles softly.

"Mingi..we shouldn't do this".

He looks at your face, confused "why? If you worry about Carla..listen, I'm not with her anymore and if you-".

"No..no Mingi, if my boyfriend know about this he definitely would kill me".

"You..you have a boyfriend? Fuck he gonna kill me too then".

You let out a soft chuckle and slight smile grew on Mingi's face show a hint of his dimples. "No one should know about this, about us. Let's just keep this and never do this again".

He frowns "I've been waiting for this too long, you do look really good everytime I passed by you everywhere, make me wanna have you again..But yeah, no one should know about this".

After that you and Mingi clean each other then he go out from your house when he thinks Carla must be gone from his house at this hour.

[youmakethelight]

I LOVED carol and daryl together, but to be horribly honest, I've been losing that for a little bit now.

Since I finished s11 and it was super unsatisfying for them, and then I started my twd rewatch and was reminded of early caryl, I've started feeling like daryl doesn't deserve carol anymore. He used to love her unconditionally, and I couldn't stop remembering "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE" and the way she seemed so tentative around him. It's not ok. Especially as an abuse survivor, she shouldn't have to feel that way. I'm sad to say it, but I felt like ezekiel loved her more unconditionally at that time. What was the point of "im never gonna hate you". What she did wasn't that bad and she's done worse and he always loved her the same before. If feels like she has to be careful how she behaves now otherwise he'll be hurtful to her. That's not the relationship I fell in love with.

I already felt like daryl needs to grovel big time for me to be able to feel like I did about them again. But the evidence for tboc is making me feel like it's not going to happen and is going to actually be worse.

I'm sad.

[jazeswhbhaven]

From what I've been seeing it feels like PB is focusing on quantity over quality. Things like Obey Me, TWST, and Nu-Carnival has a sizeable group of characters, but they're not too huge so it allows them to flesh each one out to a certain extent, but then they can introduce a diverse set of cards on each of them so you're not starving too much.

WHB has not only has 6 Kings and one more on the way, but they also keep introducing more nobles and angels. In a way it's not bad, but this is why I seriously feel it is a case of quantity and not enough quality. From what I've seen in this community, characters that have been in the game since Day 1 are being super neglected. Then we a have every new L card released being paywalled, nightmare passes that also have the top rewards paywalled, are more frequent, even this time around the S+ card requires more gold keys and it doesn't have anything remotely special about it whereas the last S+ did which was extremely exclusive only. Honestly it's...really sad. Now you don't NEED these cards and I'm not asking for freebies, but in the end they are asking for your life savings for even just the decent stuff, and then you still have to deal with the gacha to do that.

I personally need a decent amount of characterization to really appreciate a character so I do appreciate the world building but no character has stuck with me yet. So everytime a new one is released I go: "Okay but what about like...the existing ones?" Our last one was Leraye, which I'm sorry, it's just a reskinned of his OG card and I found that really scummy which was probably why he was locked through achievements which...was the saving grace still it was the only time it happened. The story was nice though.

I don't want to come off as ungrateful and I probably am, but I just don't understand PB's decisions on what they're doing anymore. We can't use the "they're a small company" card, I'm sure they're not the only small company, but I don't have any sources, but so far this is the first time I seen company really just throw their community into a blender like this...then again I only played like 3 other gachas which isn't a lot.

💭

hey there 💭 anon!

This observation came right in time with how I'd like to pretty much introduce the game to new players that are flocking in.

PB's decisions as of late to change how we get currencies, paid banners, and the progression of the main story and character building has been a damn journey.

I don't think you're ungrateful, I wouldn't call anyone that honestly because as the consumer YOU are the the one, p2p or f2p, in the end that has be entertained by this nsfw game. The only one in existence that is catered to both women and men audiences. With that in mind, you'd expect to see something worth buying/taking up nearly 8gb of space on your phone for.

When the game was first teased, me and my friend were talking about it and she was overwhelmed by the amount of characters they kept showing, I met her through the Obey Me fandom, so that was our bread and butter for the majority of conversations. When I moved on to WHB, she didn't come with, she stayed for like maybe a week or two and dropped it. I forget mostly why which I could ask her again on her opinion.

But I'll let you in on something I saw the other day, the community over in LaDS has been having some issues with their banners/other gacha related things as well stating that this recent banner is driving players away. I don't play LaDS but PB isn't the only company it seems starting to switch things up when it comes to decisions.

The S+ cards confuse me because what they introduced was hey here's beach Rara (Raphael) and he has an adore mode, a story with mild spice, and you chats/more lore about this bitey boi. I had so much fun reading through that. Amy and Sitri's all we get are the likability things and well from the previous expectation? That made me shake my head. (also for the extra gold keys thing, apparently it's only that high if you want to get it early, the card is going into the banner immediately after the event so in theory we all literally could have waited to pull them so we wouldn't have to spend that amount of gold keys)

As far as content goes, I think ultimately there's too many characters to work with. If anyone on the staff has a brain like me, it would be very easy to neglect characters here and there. I also do not like that Gehenna has yet ANOTHER noble (sorry Amy) but other countries are lackin'.

Also unrelated...WHERE IS GEHENNA'S GROUP PHOTO U G H.

Niflheim needs one too.

All in all I hear you. Chapter 6 and Mammons/Amy's events though have me believing that the best has yet to come, these banners though....we will see... Maybe things will pop off when Asmodeus debuts..

[squarecloud73]

Who's your favourite dungeon meshi character? (not to reduce you to your obsession atm) but i'm intrigued about why you like this character. is it their interactions with others? gay? how they view the world and how it's similar to you? ^#^ thanks

I like every character for different reasons but like, emotionally, Mithrun stood out to me in a way.

At first glance, he appeared to be the angsty pretty character sunken deep into tragedy and vengeance, but that changed when we saw more of him.

After his identity and basic abilities were stripped away, his body and mind betrayed him, but he survived. Just… look at him when he just left his dungeon, he was skin and bones, covered by wounds from self-destruction, barely functioning, but he managed to train himself up, physically and magically more powerful than ever, went back to Canaries and became a captain who is respected even by Cithis.

Kabru’s talk was his last one step to a new stage of life, still, without all the hard work and companionships he previously built with his teammates and families, he would vanish in a pit of despair long ago. When Milsiril found him in front of the broken mirror, when Kabru asked him to search deeper with him, when Senshi gave him that piece of advice, he allowed the sparkle of life to flow back within, eventually, his beauty came out of ashes like freaking Deadpool.

Mithrun proved that leftovers can still be brew into a nice warm soup.

[fisheito]

I started reading beastars so now HE's reading beastars .wait

THEY'RE reading beastars

[nats-uvi]

Angst time :D👍

You can read my rambling about her in the tags

[daftpatience]

finally sending my busted old montblanc in for repairs after sitting on it for over a decade everyone wish me a not too expensive quote

[introspectivememories]

tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.

(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)

and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.

tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.

(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)

and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.

(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)

and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly

and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves

(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)

but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.