#and i found i have no shame about myself since being more 'modest' because i do it out of self-admiration

[uncanny-tranny]

I've been thinking about modesty from a specifically trans lense lately. I was taught that modesty indicates shame, that modesty means you're simultaneously ashamed of being human and having a human body, but also that you are "purer" because you adhere to a hegemonic idea of modesty. Frankly, I just don't agree with this, and it was very much steeped in the idea of specifically christian ideas of modesty.

Before I transitioned, I felt very unprotective of my body because it never felt like mine to begin with. I didn't really care what happened to it, and while I was modest by other people's standards, I certainly didn't feel it. Once I actually started transitioning (and especially on testosterone), I've found that I'm so much more "modest" because I've become protective of my body. There's this stereotype that trans people start "showing themselves off" after transitioning, but I honestly feel the opposite. I'm possessive over my body and exactly how it acts and appears because I actually like my body, and it finally feels like mine. I'm honestly kind of selfish about it, and I think I've earned the right to be.

I made this post because I think this is an interesting topic, and I think it's interesting the ways in which we internalize the influences that be. It's also a reminder that no matter how you feel about things like modesty, you should adhere to what makes the most sense to you and what you are most comfortable with. There are pressures to be modest in this way or that way, but what truly matters is what you decide with your body and yourself.

[jupiterwrites99]

You're On Your Own, Kid

eleven

Sage had been avoiding Paul since their early morning argument. Sticking to Leah's side until she had to leave for patrol. The nagging feeling still bothered her as Paul made himself scarce, to which she felt guilty. This was his home after all.

He had been in his garage all morning, the only time she saw him was when he had come in to make himself something to eat before heading upstairs. He had left a plate for her on the stove as well, but she found herself unable to move from her spot on the couch. The TV was playing, but she couldn’t focus on the program at all.

Maybe if she ate, the nagging feeling would go away, she thought to herself.

Quietly creeping into the kitchen, she put the plate of food into the microwave, pressing random buttons until it started. Walking to the fridge to get herself something to drink, she halted in her tracks as something caught her eye.

A mouse scurried past her feet, and fear ran through her at the sight of the little rodent as it moved across the kitchen floor. Her eyes widened as she backed up until she hit the counter, it was as if she had seen a ghost.

How ironic is that. 

A wolf being scared of a mouse.

Sage looked up at Paul as he came bounding into the kitchen, concern written all over his face. “What's wrong?” He asked, holding his towel tightly around his waist. He was sopping wet, and she could still hear the shower running. If she wasn’t so petrified, she would have laughed at his behaviour.

With furrowed eyebrows, she said, “There's a mouse.”

“A mouse? You’re scared of a mouse?” He looked at her with such disbelief she felt silly.

“It’s not funny!” She said, frowning at the fact that he was more concerned about her phobia than helping her.

Paul shook his head as he reprimanded her, “I thought something was seriously wrong, Sage!”

“I didn’t ask you to come down here.” Sage pointed out. She wasn’t even going to call for him, her plan was to quietly leave the mouse in the kitchen and lock herself upstairs until the mouse kindly decided to leave.

“I felt your fear, I thought--” He took a deep breath, “It’s just a mouse”

She grimaced, “It’s not just a  mouse to me.”

“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” He asked, retightening his towel. As if she had never seen him naked before and he wanted to be a modest man now.

“Get it, obviously.” She said as if it were obvious.

“I’m naked.” He pointed out in the same tone.

“So?” Sage looked him up and down, the towel was low on his hips but stable. He could easily catch a mouse without losing his dignity.

“Where is it?” Paul sighed.

“It ran over there.” She pointed to the corner by the fridge. He walked over to the fridge, and went to move it, before he did, Paul looked back over to her as she hopped up on the counter, scared that it would run in her direction again.

“You really are scared of mice,” He said walking back over to her. “Come here,” 

He held her to his chest,  the feeling of her heart racing in fear, the only sound between them, “I can feel everything.”

“You talked to Sam?” She asked quietly.

“No,” His voice gruff, “ I don’t want to lose you before I’ve really had you, so, I’m trying,”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Sage looked up at him and scanned his face, all she saw was concern. She never wanted him to think that she would leave if he didn’t try, because she wouldn’t. She would never do that to him.

“You should know that I can’t really control my wolf. That's why I tune him out. It's not because I don’t want the connection but, I would never be able to forgive myself if I hurt you physically, or mentally.” He explained, his eyes full of shame.

Sage smiled up at him with sureness, “You won't.” 

“I hope not.” He muttered.

“I can take you.” She gleamed, snaking her hand around his neck and pulling him down to her height, “I know your weakness.”

“Is that so?” Paul's eyes held the same mischief she knew to be on her own.

Nodding slowly before she pressed her lips to his, her other hand moved around his waist, resting on his lower back. The pads of her fingertips pressed into his hot skin as he sucked her bottom lip between his teeth, biting it gently.

One of Paul's hands gripped the counter, the other drifted to her breast as he began kneading it through her shirt. She removed her hand from his neck and grabbed the hand, and with a small sound of satisfaction, she slid it up her shirt for him. The lack of bra she wore allowed him access to her soft skin.

“You sure?” He groaned against her lips, hesitating from caressing the skin he had so desperately wanted to touch for weeks now.

With her chest heaving as she fought to regain a little bit of composure, she mumbled, “When I’m around you, she won’t shut up about how you’re mine. She wanted this weeks ago.”

“She?” He curiously asked.

“My wolf.” Sage explained, “She purrs like a damn cat when you're around.”

He chuckled, stroking her cheek in adoration, “But do you want this?”

“I am my wolf, Paul. Just like you are yours, no matter how much you tune him out. ” She explained. She wouldn’t be who she was without her wolf, she was well aware of that.

Paul pressed his forehead against hers, looking right into her eyes, “I wish I wasn’t.”

Before she could ask why, he pulled her hips flush against his, slightly grinding into her clothed core. She could feel him through the thin towel and from their time together in the pond, she was a bit wary of what she was getting herself into. Though a little moan did escape her throat at the feeling.

She put her hands on his chest as she regained her composure, stopping him. “Not until you’ve found the mouse.”

“Yes, m’am.” He grinned, “Let me just put some pants on first.” He backed away, adjusting the towel that laid low on his hips, “And by the way, my wolf doesn’t shut up about you either. You’re all he thinks about.”

--------

She stared out the window above the sink as he dealt with the mouse issue at hand. She could hear as he moved the fridge away from the wall and captured the little rodent. She couldn’t bring herself to watch though, unsure of just how exactly he planned on catching the mouse. 

“Mouse is all gone.” He said as he walked back into the kitchen.

“Dead?” She asked solemnly. She hoped for the better, and that he just rehomed him back to nature. She turned to him from her spot on the counter as he washed his hands beside her.

He shook his head, “No, I’ve put him outside,”

“Good.” She smiled up at him in thanks before looking back out the window, “If I tell you something, can you promise not to get upset?”

He took a deep breath before sighing, “I can try.”

“I don’t like sex.” She said quietly, looking back to him before averting her eyes sheepishly.

His eyes widened at her statement before he let out a snicker.

She whined and moved to get off the counter to hide in embarrassment, but he stopped her from doing so,  slotting himself between her legs “I’m sorry,” He said with a sweet smile, “Why don’t you like sex, little wolf?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “There's nothing in it for me.”

“How many guys have you slept with?” He asked curiously, leaning forward as he placed his hands on either side of her.

Sage bit her lip, responding, “One. My old boyfriend.”

“Right, and all I’m hearing is that he never made you cum.”  He stated with a smirk.

She blushed at his blatant remark, but she shook her head nonetheless. He was right, but that wasn’t the only problem she had. Nothing about sex felt right, and she had heard his argument with Rachel. Casual sex was clearly a thing for him.

“Nothing about sex felt good to me. I’m the problem, Paul.” She pressed, hoping he would understand.

“Okay,” He acknowledged. He moved his hands from the counter to the tops of her thighs,  “Can I try something?”

She nodded, looking up at him in curiosity. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” His hand wound its way down her side and slipped under the thin lace of her underwear, spreading her and rubbing against her folds. Sage couldn’t help the loud gasp of pleasure that escaped her lips as he touched her there, both firm enough to pull at her nerve endings, but soft enough that beckoned more moans from her.

“How’s that feeling?” He mumbled, his free hand running up and down her spine as she moaned quietly.

“Good,” She breathed out slowly. 

He hummed to himself, pressing his lips to her clavicle, “I don’t think you're the problem, darling,” He grinned and kneeled down in front of her. Sage peered down at him in curiosity to watch him as he gently pulled her lace underwear down her thighs, kissing gently as he went.

“What are you doing?” Sage asked.

He smirked up at her, “Oh, baby, you definitely weren’t the problem. What was your boyfriend's name?”

“Jack.” She told him.

“Jack was a lousy fuck.” Paul said as he kissed up her inner thigh, hooking her ankle over his shoulder, “Did you break up with him?”

She shook her head, relaxing into his touch, “I left him behind.” 

Paul chuckled, “That's one way to put yourself out of your own misery.”

“Oh fuck!” She threw her head back and let out a loud moan as Paul dipped his head between her thighs. His hot mouth around her felt like nothing she’d ever known. He sucked and pulled gently at her with his tongue while his thumb worked at the tip of her fold.

“Paul,” She moaned out, gripping the counter for support. He peered up at her with lust filled eyes as his tongue flicked her nub expertly. She could practically feel the grin he wore. As she got more vocal, he sucked her clit gently as his fingers continued their steady pace, she clenched around them. Gasping in ecstasy, she reached out and grabbed his forearm that he had resting across her hips. The vibration from the small chuckle he let out, sending her over the edge as she threw her head back with a moan.

She barely registered him leaving his position as he slid her panties back up her legs for her, everything was so hazy in her orgasmic state.

“Want to watch a movie?” He asked, brushing the stray hairs from her face.

“Don’t you want something in return?” She asked breathlessly. She hooked her legs around his waist, keeping him close to her. 

He shook his head with a chuckle, “I got what I wanted.” He sucked his fingers clean before tilting her chin to look up at him, “It doesn’t matter to me if you like sex or not, that’s not why I like you. But the balls in your court, okay? Just say the words.”

“I’ll I’ve got say is ‘fuck me’ and you’ll do it?” She joked, leaning back on her hands.

He nodded his head, chuckling, “Pretty much, little wolf.”

[swtki]

Dancing Days - Edward Cullen x Reader Smut

Anonymous said: 19&24 on edward smut? love ur writing!

A/N: Thank you so much :) also I’m so happy everyone is h*rny for Eddy. I decided I want to explore more period times with Edward, changing his persona in a certain decade, but still ultimately being in the same universe as cannon. This will play into the readers character a tad bit.

WARNINGS: 18+ CONTENT, SWEARING, S*X, VAMPIRES, ORAL SEX (MALE RECIEVING), VIRGIN! EDWARD, NON VIRGIN READER, GENDER NEUTURAL READER, MENTIONS OF WAR AND DEATH. 

19: “Fuck me like you want people to know”.

24. “Thing is, I’m a virgin”. 

_______________________________________

I brushed my hair into its usual part, making sure I looked flawless. The year was 1976, I was a senior in Highschool. It was a wonderful time to be a teenager, no longer afraid that my friends would die in Vietnam. Even in my dinky little Washington town, the culture was becoming our own. 

The Led Zeppelin record playing on my record player stopped suddenly, alerting me that I was no longer alone in my room. I turned, my expression soft as I saw my boyfriend, Edward.

“Whats up with you and this album? Everytime I come in, its always House of Th Holy on repeat.” I rolled my eyes, lifted the record in question off of the tray, and put it back snuggly in its case. 

“I can’t help it, Ed. Robert just speaks to me. I’m sure you’re like that with Louis Armstrong.” I waved my hand, walking back to my mirror to finish getting ready. 

“Maybe, but the music you listen to it’s...” Edward paused for a moment, sitting on my bed. “It’s suggestive, Y/N.” I turned to him, my eyebrow raised.

“Suggestive? What’s that supposed to mean?” I placed my hands on my hips, and waited for him to explain.

“Well, for one that one song says ‘Sipping booze’, I quite think that is blatant alcohol reference.” I looked at him, dumbfounded. Then, I started to laugh, and I walked over to him. Instinctually, he pushed his head into my chest, enjoying the comfort it brought him. 

“I love you, but god are we from two different Mars.” He chuckled, sending a rumble through my chest.

At school, I was an average kid. Fair grades, many friends, many ex friends. When Edward was paired up with me in math, I got through his cold, stone skin. At first, he was annoyed when I would fuck off, leaving him to do the work himself. Understandable, and once I realized how rude I was, I stopped. I talked to him, prodded him truthfully. I would ask him once we started dating if he had noticed me previously, because I had never noticed him. 

“Yes, I noticed that you were the only one who didn’t acknowledge me. Ironic I guess.” 

A year into our relationship, I would never let him go unnoticed. We walked the halls, hand in hand. Our outlooks were so different when it came to life. He was modest, I was free spirited. Edward was different from my boyfriends previously, I didn’t want to fuck things up, and I refused to even risk it. 

School went slowly that day, possibly because my head was focused on what I would ask Edward, my boyfriend of one year, about sex. About us and sex. 

I hadn’t told him that I wasn’t a virgin, I was worried he would only want a virgin girl, after all they can never look at you disappointed and say “I’ve had better.” A definite plus. Many a nights I tried to imagine him, moaning completely under my control. I wanted him, but I didn’t know if he wanted me. Surely in 50 years he had found a good fuck. I worried that he would be into someone else, forever tied to a vampiress. 

The end of the school day couldn’t have come sooner, my anxiety rising as I got into Edwards car, starting a long silent car ride. I tried to keep my mind off of it, an attempt to avoid the conversation until we were at my house. I kept my mind busy with the lush scenery outside of the passenger side window. 

“So... I know you want to ask me, and I know the answers to what I would ask you.” He said blatantly, putting the car in park outside my front lawn. 

“I don’t wanna talk out here Ed, lets go inside.” I swung my bag onto my shoulder. Thats the thing with Edward, I never have to say anything, just as long as I think it. 

My house was empty, making it easy for Edward to follow me upstairs to my room. I shut my door behind us, then turned to him. Unsure of what to say, I breathed in deeply.

“How long have you known that I wasn’t...you know?” He smiled, sitting on my plush navy sheets. 

“Y/N, I knew before I met you what I was getting into. Your ex had a lot of thoughts about that one night where you guys-” 

“Oh my god okay ew.” A blush rose upon my face, and I saw Edward laugh as he watched my body fill with embarassment. “Well why didn’t you say something?” I asked.

“I figured if it needed to be brought up, it would be. You and I aren’t exactly a physical couple so I didn’t worry too much.” I walked over to my bed, taking a seat next to him.

“I see...I mean it wouldn’t be a big deal for me so if you want to...” I bit my lip at him, his gaze turned to the other direction.

“Thing is, I’m a virgin.” My expression went from a seductive look, to a puzzled one. I wondered if I had heard him correctly. “I’m old school, Y/N. It wasn’t like how it is now when I was human. People didn’t just have sex in highschool, unless they were married because the man was off to war. So, it hasn’t been on the menu for me. You’re the first girl I’ve dated in fifty years, you know. And no, there was no vampiress or anything.” I smiled.

“Well, I don’t wanna scare you or push it or anything. It’s just you know-” 

“You want to touch me, to be touched by me.” his eyes trailed back to mine, looking deep into my soul.

“Yes, I want you, Edward.” I pressed my lips to his, pulling away jut as it got intense. I could feel his disappointment. “I want to...but I can’t let you down. Tomorrow night. I’ll call you and we can talk about everything we want out of it, I’ll give you a fucking fairytale, my love” I chuckled.

I called him that night as I had said I would. We talked about my first time, and everything I liked, followed by what he had seen on video, what he wanted to try, and his fears.

“I don’t want to kill you, darling.” He said.

“Then don’t. I won’t let you.” He laughed at me, enjoying my lack of seriousness.

The next night rolled along with a quick pace. I looked at the clock and saw that it was time for me to start getting ready. 

I made myself look simple, a small bit of makeup and hair product, but otherwise just a tank top and jeans. Sometimes, dating an old fashioned guy was a pain in the ass. Always complaining about suggestive behavior. But other times, my shoulders counted as being half nude.

“You look stunning, as per usual.” Edward said, stepping into my room. He was tense and barely moved. “I don’t know what to do..what usually happens with it if I’m not the one doing everything.”

If he had any blood flow, he would have been blushing right about then.

“We don’t have to do anything you know. We can just lay down and watch a movie if you want to, I just want to make you happy, Edward.” I walked over to him and put a strand of his messy auburn hair behind his ear. Without hesitation, he pressed his forehead to mine.

“I want to, thats the part that’s been eating me away ever since I met you. I want to make you feel good, I just don’t know if I’ll lose it and-“ I cut him off with a kiss.

“Even if you break my pelvis into pieces, I’ll still be happy. I’m always happy when I’m with you.” we both smiled, and suddenly the thick tension that once filled the room vanished. “I’ll take care of you tonight, just as long as you’re doing it for you. I just need to know you’re doing this for you, and you need to be sure you wont roll over afterwards and hate me.” I said, my hand clasped in his marble one.

“I want you, Y/N. I have no doubts that I’ll want you afterwards, too.”

I pushed his head down, level to my own. Our kiss was deep, filled with a years worth of hunger. My hands tugged on his hair, making him whimper. Suddenly, I felt my feet lift off the ground as Edward carried me to my bed. With a soft thump, the plush sheets surrounded my body. It was a contrast of warmth on my back, and Edwards cool body on my top.

His hands were balled into fists, clutching my duvet as if his life depended on it. I pulled away, panting for air.

“Sorry, I forget you need air.” He smirked. I rolled my eyes in response.

“Well, its a shame you don’t. Because I intend on taking your breath away.” we both made small laughs at my remark.

“What now?” He looked at me for guidance.

“Get on your back.” I said.

We switched positions, he was now on the bottom. My legs straddled his torso, I sight he visably enjoyed. I slithered my hands up to his head, cupping his face as I kissed him again. My left hand left its post, reaching down to the buttons on his shirt.

I paused, looking up at him once I got to the last button.

“Does it...work like normal or...” He threw his head back and laughed.

“It doesn’t have spikes, I can assure you its just like a humans. But Emmet did tell me to pull out so...I’m kind of worried about the implications of that but-“ I leaned down to shut him up with a kiss.

His hands were still at his side, resting on the bed. I picked up his wrists, and placed them on the side of my thighs. He squeezed them lightly.

My hands roamed over his bare chest, cool to the touch. I lached my lips onto his neck, causing his back to arch below me. I could feel his excitement beneath me, it gave me a big self esteem boost. His hand reached along my waist, tugging at my shirt. His eyes lit up at the sight of my bare chest. He reached for me but I pulled away to slide down onto my knees.

He looked confused, like I had left him high and dry.

“Sit on the edge.” I said softly, my knees burning slightly due to the rough carpet underneath them.

He rid himself of the unbottoned shirt, slidding over to me once finished. My hands slowly stroked his thighs, he was desperate for some type of touch.

I smiled, tugging on his belt until it came undone. He stayed silent, looking at me like I was the only thing in the world. I unbottoned the trousers, tugging on them. He kicked them off and was left in his breifs.

“Is it okay if I..” I looked up at him and he nodded frantically. I palmed him over his underwear, feeling how hard he had gotten from kissing. My fingers latched onto the waist band, pulling them down to reveal a pale yet pink cock. It wasn’t too big, but deffinitley satisfactory. I ran my finger over the tip, earning a small groan from the vampire. My eyes trailed up to him, so I could see him when I took him in my mouth.

He let out a breathy moan, eyes focused on my mouth. His lips were parted ever so slightly. I bobbed my head, and grotesquely sexual sounds arose from my throat. I felt Edward move a strant of hair out of my face, he looked at me like I was a god.

“Fuck..Y/N if you keep doing that there wont be anything for you, dear” He said in a breathy moan. I pulled back, my mouth feeling sore and tired. “Do you still want to?” He asked, grasping his hands on my waist.

“Yes, I fucking need you.” I threw off my jeans, I would worry about finding them later, I needed him. He layed back down, propping his head up on my pillows. Our lips collided in another kiss as I leveled myself with him.

“Are you sure?” I ask him, stroking his hard member.

“I’m sure.” He pecked my lips again as I got ontop of his lean figure. I spat in my hand, lubing up my needy hole.

“How do you want me to do this? I mean like slow? What do-“ He said with genuine worry.

“Fuck me like you want people to know” I whispered, “ Fuck me like you want the entire neighborhood to know that I’m yours and yours only.”

“I can make that happen, love.” He flipped me over, now being back to where we first started. He lined up his cock with my hole, running it around the tight area. I put my fingers in his hair, making a slight tug as he pushed into my body.

Pleasure filled my body as he filled me up, his cock stretched my insides in the right ways. Without pausing, he started to push his hips into mine, making sure not to hurt me.

He reached down to suck on my neck, adding to the pornagraphic moans in the room. My hands travled to his back, scratching my nails down the cold stone like skin. His moans echoed in my ear.

“Y/N, I can’t be on top I’m going to crush you” I laughed at him, tapping his side so he fell onto the bed. I swung my legs over him, sitting on his perfect cock.

“Perfect, fucking amazing.” He said as I steady myself onto him. His face was in a euphoric expression, the most relaxed I had ever seen him.

I began to rock my hips, sliding him in and out of me. His hands grabbed onto my hips, guiding me. Everything was a euphoric experience. My gut filled with that wonderful sensation.

“Edward I’m gonna cum, oh my god” I moaned out, picking up my pace.

Suddenly, the world went still. My eyes went black and I saw stars as my orgasm washed over me. My moans echoed in the room as my body twitched. A few thrusts up into my body and Edward pulled out of me, rubbing his cum out onto his hand.

I layed there panting while he sped to the bathroom, and came back with a clean cloth, wiping down my body. He put the cloth down, pulling up his underwear and handing me mine. I slipped the fabric on, slipping under the covers.

“Get in here, I wanna kiss you”

He laughed, obeying and slipping beside me. Our lips reunited in a soft clash.

“I love you so much, dear.”

[augustmoon259]

"Unholy Blood" Pureblood!Fem!Vampire Reader x Hayan Park

Ten years ago, people who could transform into vampires began to appear in Korea. Ever since then, these morphing vampires have been slaughtering people while hiding their true identities. But there's something that people don't know. A secret, that if it got out, would change the world and the way that people saw vampires forever.

Pureblood vampires. Vampires who are stronger, faster, and more powerful in every way. How do I know about them? Because I am a pureblood vampire.

o - o - o - o - o

My parents were both pureblood vampires. They used to live in Korea, before they had me. They decided to move to the US and settle down in a small town.

My life was a peaceful one. Sure, it was hard trying to hide my identity as a vampire, but it wasn't that bad. I was homeschooled, up until I was ready to go off to college.

College was a new experience for me. I had fun making new friends, taking classes taught by different teachers, and being in a new environment. I went home to visit my parents during breaks.

I wish I had gotten to say goodbye to them, if I knew that I'd never be able to see them again.

o - o - o - o - o

It was winter break. I was excited to see my parents again and spend time with them during the holidays. I had plans for movies we could watch together, games we could play, and more.

The bus stopped in my neighborhood, and I got off, still brimming with anticipation. That is, until I saw the smoke.

The smoke was coming from the direction of my family's home. I ran there as fast as I could. When I got there, I saw the firefighters putting out the last of the flames.

Our house was a complete wreck. I frantically rushed past the onlookers and firefighters to dig through the rubble, and search for my parents. I was dragged away, still screaming and sobbing.

Later, the police told me about what had happened. It was reported that two explosions were heard from our house, and then a fire started not long after. The firefighters were dispatched, but it still took a while for them to get from the station to our house. They found my parents' bodies, unrecognizable as they were.

The explosions were written off as gas leaks, since our house was an old one. This may have been a reasonable explanation to anyone else, but not me. I knew better.

We were pureblood vampires.

Any regular vampire that manages to consume the heart of a pureblood vampire would become a pureblood vampire themself. We knew this, but we thought we were safe here in the US, when vampires began to appear in Korea ten years ago.

My parents must have sacrificed themselves to destroy their hearts, along with their attackers.

Our mailbox still had some mail in it. Bills to pay, letters for my parents, and letters for me as well. I expected this. What I was not expecting was the note left in the mailbox, addressed to me.

If you want revenge for your parents' deaths, come to Korea.

I crushed the note in my hand.

Whoever came after my parents didn't succeed, but it cost my parents their lives. Now they're after me. They know I exist.

Fine. If they think I'll be easy prey, I'll prove them wrong.

o - o - o - o - o

Living in Korea was different from living in the States.

I had applied to study abroad, and the university I applied for was Hanguk University. I managed to rent an apartment at a decent price in a modest neighborhood. I heard that there was a nice church in the area, run by a priest who also takes care of orphans from the nearby orphanage.

It was hard enough adjusting to life in another country, never mind one where bloodthirsty monsters come out at night. Lucky for me, I had the distinct advantage of being one of those "monsters".

Admittedly, not only did I feel guilty for not being able to prevent my parents' deaths, I realized what a privileged life I had been living. All my life, just on the other side of the world, there were innocent people being terrorized by vampires.

But now I'm here, and I have the power to do something about it.

I'd find whoever was responsible for my parents' murders, and I'll rid the world of vampires, one bastard at a time.

Between going out at night to kill vampires, and scrounging up information about their secret hierarchy and criminal underworld, I was also busy with my normal, "human" life.

I attended the orientation for my new university.

Yet it wasn't at the orientation that I'd meet the woman who'd change my life.

o - o - o - o - o

The first day of school was always the same: new students rushing to find their classes, old students saying hi to their friends, and teachers making note of who to look out for that year.

I greeted a few people I had met at the orientation, but there was one girl who was going around greeting...everyone. She was quite pretty, with dark brown hair and eyes.

She was so enthusiastic, bowing her head at every person she came across, that I couldn't help but smile.

With her friendly demeanor, I was sure she'd already have made plenty of friends, but I noticed later that she had no one to sit at lunch with. I myself was sitting alone, but that was of my own volition. I debated whether or not to go to her table and sit with her, but I opted not to, in the end.

Over the next few days, I kept seeing her around. She still greeted everyone cheerfully, and had earned the nickname "Miss Popular" around campus. I found it very fitting for her.

Things continued on like this. Her, greeting everyone with enthusiasm but sitting alone. Me, silently watching her.

I decided that I had done enough observing, and that it was time to formally meet her.

Bringing my lunch with me over to her table, I sat across from her. She had started eating her lunch by then, so when I unexpectedly arrived at her table, she choked on her food.

"Hey! Hey, are you okay?!"

I got up from my seat, prepared to do the Heimlich maneuver if necessary, but she waved a hand to stop me, and grabbed a nearby water bottle with the other hand to drink. She beat her chest a few times until she was no longer gasping, and I sat down when I confirmed that she was fine. Other people who had noticed the incident went back to eating their lunches.

We sat there, awkwardly gazing at each other, until she groaned and covered her face with her hands in embarrassment.

"Nice going Hayan...first person who decides to sit with you at lunch, and you make a fool of yourself..."

"Oh no, that was my fault! I'm sorry for surprising you like that...so, uh, your name is Hayan?"

Hayan took one hand off her face, before slowly removing her remaining hand.

"Yes, my name is Hayan...Park Hayan."

I introduced myself, and then we...shook hands. I decided to start a new topic of conversation, before Hayan had an existential crisis.

"Hayan...is it alright if I call you Hayan?"

She nodded her head affirmatively before waiting for what else I had to say.

"I hope this isn't out of line for me to say, but I've sort of been watching you for a while now. I notice that you always say hi to everyone, but you're still sitting alone at lunch? Um, Hayan, do you have friends?"

Hayan looked taken aback for a moment, before hanging her head in shame.

"It's...it's complicated? I've been trying to make friends, and since I didn't attend the orientation, I thought saying hi to everyone would be a surefire way to meet new people, but I haven't had much luck..."

"You didn't attend the orientation? So that's why I didn't recognize you. Hayan, if you're trying to make new friends, would you...like to be friends?"

"Seriously?! I mean, how could I reject?!"

Hayan enthusiastically slammed her hands on the table and jumped up, before sheepishly sitting back down when she noticed people's curious glances.

"Yes! Let's be friends!"

I talked with Hayan until lunch was over, and it turned out that we had a lot in common. Neither Hayan nor I were able to finish our lunches, busy as we were with chatting with each other. We decided to exchange phone numbers to keep in touch with each other.

After that, I wasn't occupied with just school and my nighttime activities. I hung out with Hayan outside of school. We went to cafes and coffee shops to get drinks and spend more time with each other.

She and I were the same age: twenty. When I applied to Hanguk University, I had to apply as a freshman, since not all of my credits from my previous college transferred over.

Hayan was looking forward to a get together that some seniors had organized at a pub. Students from every year would be there, and she hoped to meet other freshman besides me. I wasn't one for drinking, since vampires couldn't get drunk anyway, but I decided to go for Hayan's sake.

Gatherings of college students tend to go south pretty quickly, but it was what happened after that was a disaster.

o - o - o - o - o

The pub was crowded, noisy, and filled with the laughter and shouting of overexcited young adults.

I sat down at a random table with Hayan. When we sat down, I heard someone suggest a drinking game to lighten the mood. Next thing I knew, we were all pointing fingers at each other, and Hayan was the unfortunate person chosen to drink.

Two hours and several more drinking games later, Hayan was still unsuccessful at making another friend. I was surprised to note that Hayan was not a lightweight at all. She had drunk nearly twenty bottles of soju by herself! And If I was being honest with myself, I thought that made her even more amazing than she already was.

"Hayan, do you want to go home now?"

"Ah, yeah, I guess so...It seems my latest plan to make friends failed..."

In my head, I could see the comical tears of defeat in her eyes.

Hayan got up and grabbed her bag, but before we left the pub, a senior announced one last drinking competition. It was between a heavyset senior named Jang and anyone who dared to challenge him. If no one won, the freshman had to show off a talent during our start of year trip.

I knew what was coming before anyone else. I decided to take bets, and when the drinking match was over, I made a nice one hundred thousand won from people who had bet Hayan would lose.

Actually, calling it a "match" would be wrong. It was so one-sided, I almost felt bad for Jang.

Hayan finally got her wish granted. I saw two freshman asking Hayan for her number to join their study group. As I looked at Hayan's giddy face, and the admiring expressions of everyone else around us, I felt happy for Hayan.

Just when Hayan was making a toast to her victory, the sirens went off.

The joy of everyone around us immediately died out, to be replaced with worry and fear instead.

People scrambled to gather their belongings and leave the pub, and I hurried over to Hayan's side.

"Come on, Hayan. We'd better go. The sirens mean that vampires will be out soon..."

"Right! Um, let's go!"

We left the pub, prepared to follow everyone else in order to catch the last bus.

"Hayan! Let me walk you home!"

Before I knew what was happening, there was a random guy standing in front of Hayan. He completely ignored me. If that wasn't enough to piss me off, his condescending smirk and the arrogant way he held himself did. Let me guess, this guy's one of those idiots who try to act macho in front of girls to impress them.

"Um, no thank you. I already have a friend I'm walking home with..."

"A friend? Sure you do. Come on, what are you so afraid of? Me?"

"Hey buster, back off. She already said she's got someone to walk home with!"

I shoved him away. As he recovered from my unexpected interference, he quickly masked his anger with the same infuriating smirk. He gave me a once over, before his smirk widened.

"So this must be the friend you mentioned. Well, I can always walk you both home."

Great. Just great. Not only is he wasting our precious time, he's hitting on Hayan and me.

"Tch. Fine. Clearly you're invested in walking with us, for some unfathomable reason, so I'll deign to let you join us, but only if I'm between you and Hayan."

He seemed to be more interested in Hayan than me, so I thought putting myself between her and him would get him to stop talking. Instead, he kept blabbering on about how vampires are no big deal, and there's nothing to worry about.

He's extremely lucky that we finally made it to the bus stop. Otherwise, I might have punched him.

There were some people running to get on the bus before it left. The annoying guy was still flirting with Hayan, but my attention was diverted when I heard a crash. The three of us turned our heads toward the source of the noise.

It was a man who had been thrown on the ground. The other man standing above him was obviously a gangster, a loan shark out to collect his debt. My intuition told me something bad was going to happen, and not because of the loan shark.

Sometimes, I hate being right.

It happened faster than the human eye could see, but I could discern perfectly with my vision. The man on the ground thrust his arm straight through the loan shark's chest.

As he stood up and shoved the now dead body off himself, the vampire walked closer step by step to Hayan and I. The annoying senior had long run away. He really was just a coward in the end. I would deal with him tomorrow. Right now, I had bigger things to worry about.

Normally, I'd just transform and then kill this no-name vampire, but I had to worry about Hayan. She was digging through her bag, looking for something. If only the bus was still around. Then Hayan could have run away and escaped.

I made a split second decision.

"Hayan. Listen to me. Run away as far as you can and don't look back."

"What? But, what about you? I can't leave you here alone!"

"Damn it Hayan, please just run away!"

"And where do you think you're going, bitch?!"

The vampire lunged towards Hayan and grabbed her hair. Before he could bite her, I transformed and slammed him to the ground. I smashed his head in, and watched as his body scattered into dust.

With the immediate threat out of the way, I checked on Hayan. She had fallen on the ground when the vampire let go of her hair. I helped her as she stood up weakly. Hayan blinked, as she alternated between looking at the crater where the vampire used to be, and me. I spread my arms out to either side, and gazed steadily back at her.

"This is me. This is who I really am. I'm a vampire, a monster that people want dead. Hayan...do you hate me too?"

I waited with bated breath for her answer. The truth is, I could erase her memories. Make it so she never remembered what happened this night. But I didn't want to.

Ever since my parents died, I had no one else who knew the truth of who I really was. I was good at pretending. I've been doing it my whole life. But I needed just one person I didn't have to pretend with, and I hoped that person could be Hayan.

Hayan studied my white hair and blue eyes. She looked pensive.

"No...no I don't hate you. Because you're my friend."

She hugged me, and if I noticed that her hold was tighter than normal, I didn't mention it.

"Hayan...thank you."

I hugged her back.

We remained like that for a while, until I offered to take her home.

"Wait, you want to...you want to carry me?! In-in your arms?!"

"Well, yes. I could also give you a piggyback ride, but since I'll be running and jumping on rooftops, this should be more comfortable for you."

"O-okay."

Putting one arm under Hayan's legs, and the other supporting her back, I made sure Hayan was securely in my hold when I leapt from the ground. Hayan kept her eyes closed the entire time, until I landed with a thump in front of the church.

"Good night, Hayan."

I smiled softly and gave Hayan a small wave, before hurrying home.

o - o - o - o - o

Hayan and I grew closer after that night.

Since I no longer had to pretend I was human around her, I invited her over to my apartment, and vice versa. She introduced me to her "father" and her "siblings".

"It's nice to meet you sir. I mean, Father Michael. Um, Father-Michael-sir?"

As it turns out, Hayan was an orphan. I knew she lived in the same neighborhood as me, but not at the orphanage next to the church that I heard about when I first rented my apartment. The neighborhood ladies were always giggling about Father Michael, but he was more intimidating in person, even to a pureblood vampire like me.

"At ease. You're the friend Hayan has been talking about?"

"Sir, yes, sir!"

Hayan was fighting back laughter behind me, while I kept on sweating nervously.

"It's good she has a friend like you."

"Thank you, Father!"

I barely held back a sigh of relief that I seemed to make a good impression on Hayan's adoptive father. It was time to meet the younger siblings now.

"Woah! This is all for us?!"

Hayan's adoptive siblings, Yerim and Yunsu, bounced around eagerly when they saw I had brought bread for them. Hayan told me her siblings really loved bread, especially sticky rice bread. I had bought a couple for them from the school dining hall, and then went to a bakery to buy some more bread (mochi, sesame, tapioca, etc.) Since I couldn't eat any of it myself, I bought what was recommended to me by the baker, and hoped for the best.

"Hayan! You need to bring your friend by more often!"

"You are my new favorite person!"

"I thought I was your favorite person?!"

I chuckled as Hayan chased her siblings around in order to catch them and tickle them.

Hayan has such a lovely family. It's no wonder she's also a lovely person.

o - o - o - o - o

It was a normal evening at the university. I had stayed behind at school to work on homework and assignments with some classmates.

The student body was abuzz today with new gossip about the "super senior". He was the senior who had entered college nine years ago, and still had yet to graduate. This was none of my business. What was my business was that he was rude and a bully. In fact, just that afternoon, he had bumped into Hayan and insulted her instead of apologizing. If I saw him, I'd give him a piece of my mind, regardless if his family was well off or not.

After finishing our assignments, I accompanied my classmates on their way to get the last shuttle bus. To my displeasure, we had the misfortune of running into the aforementioned "super senior" Byungsu.

My classmates greeted him, but when he gave them no reply, they said goodbye to me and ran off to catch the bus.

I noticed that he seemed to be in a daze. Hayan did tell me that it seemed like he was sick, and looking at him now, I could tell that she was speaking the truth. Regardless of any beef I had with him, if he was feeling unwell, he should go see a doctor.

"Hey, Byungsu. Do you need to go to the hospital?"

He didn't answer, instead just glaring at me, and clenching his fists. Whatever was going through his mind at that moment was not pleasant. I wanted to ask him more questions, but we were interrupted by a man on the phone.

It was Professor Donggyu Park. He was not one of my professors, but Hayan said he's one of her favorites. He's very dedicated to his job, has memorized all of his students' names, and even speaks to students on days he doesn't teach. It looked like he was in a hurry to get home, judging by how he greeted us quickly and then got into his car.

I was too late to stop what happened next.

Byungsu threw Professor Park's car into the air. It flipped over and landed on its top with a crash. I dashed toward the car to check on Professor Park. He was bleeding from his head and unconscious, but he was still alive.

I was the one who was clenching my fists this time. Well, I had the perfect target to vent my anger out on.

This side of the school was deserted at this time of the night, and the security cameras were down for maintenance today. With no one watching me, I could kill Byungsu.

He was heading this way, no doubt to murder the professor.

I opened the car door, gently took Professor Park out, and placed him on the ground. Then I transformed.

"What the fuck, you're a vampire too?"

"Shut up. You won't be alive for long anyway."

My hand was enveloped in blue flames as I disappeared and then reappeared in front of Byungsu. I grabbed his face, and watched as it melted away. The fire burned everything and left nothing behind, not even ashes.

After de-transforming, I performed first aid on Professor Park and called 119.

When the ambulance arrived, I was questioned by police officers about what had happened. I told them the fake story I made up: I was with some classmates on their way to catch the last bus home, and then we ran into Byungsu. I went back inside the university to get something I had forgotten. When I came back outside, I saw Professor Park's car turned over and him inside unconscious.

I was held in questioning until the police contacted my classmates to confirm I was with them. Professor Park woke up after receiving emergency medical attention, and told the police he had also seen Byungsu. That, coupled with the sudden emergence of footage showing Byungsu had caused a traffic accident and killed the victims, all but cemented the fact that Byungsu the vampire had attacked Professor Park.

Byungsu was put on the national wanted list, and around campus people started calling me "The Lifesaver".

o - o - o - o - o

To recap, since school started, I became friends with Hayan, saved her from a vampire by revealing my secret, met Father Michael and Hayan's younger siblings, and also saved another person from a vampire attack.

My life in Korea had been extremely eventful, and it only became more so with the introduction of Detective Euntae Hwang.

It was another day at the university, and there were students outside of the school protesting the recent vampire attacks. I was irritated, but I could also understand where they were coming from. Recent examples like Byungsu had shown that it was all too easy for vampires to hide on campus.

I was with Hayan, and the two other freshman she had met at the pub.

"Excuse me, are you Hayan Park?"

We all turned around to see a handsome red haired man. I looked at Hayan, and from her reaction, she recognized him.

"Hayan," I whispered to her, "you know this man?"

"Yes," she whispered back, "he saved me and my siblings from gangsters this one time."

Well, if he helped Hayan, he could be a good person, but he could also be faking it...

"Oh, and you must be the other person I'm looking for!"

I pointed at myself in surprise. "Me?"

"Yes, you! Let me introduce myself..."

He smiled, before proceeding to tell us all how about how he graduated from the police academy at the top of his class...and how he was made captain of the criminal investigations unit...and how he was the superstar of the vampire task force....and...

I sighed and facepalmed.

"We get it, you're a detective. Please, we don't need to hear your entire life story..."

"Oh, silly me! I chattered on for too long, huh?"

Hayan's friends said goodbye before leaving us with the detective, blushes still present on their faces. As Hayan and I walked to the dining hall with the detective to continue our conversation with him, I noticed a lot of attention on us. Or rather, the detective.

By the time we got to our destination, Hayan and I had begrudgingly learned more about him.

He wasn't kidding when he said he was an expert about vampires. He had even invented a method to kill vampires: paralyzing them and then burning them alive in a furnace. To create such a brutal method, this man...he was dangerous.

I was on my guard while waiting for what else he had to say. He had ordered an entire table's worth of food, while I ordered drinks for Hayan and I. He insisted on buying food for us as well, but I rejected him quite firmly.

The detective, Euntae Hwang as he called himself, asked us about the vampire who had killed the loan shark. Apparently, that was what Detective Hwang was investigating. The police were trying to figure out how the vampire died, and if it was related to the recent case of Byungsu...

I could tell that Hayan was nervous around the detective. He must be bringing up bad memories of the vampire attack.

Detective Hwang didn't let up in his interrogation though. If anything, he got more extreme. Did he suspect Hayan and I were vampires? Well, that wouldn't do. I pondered how to get out of this mess, when something unexpected happened.

The detective cut his hand with the knife he was using for his food.

It was quite a deep cut, and the blood flowed steadily from the wound.

"Ouch! I cut myself! I guess my fingers were too tense..."

Was he that desperate to reveal us as vampires? I'm glad I had the foresight to order a drink, so that I had something else to focus on instead of the blood. But it made me upset that Hayan seemed to look even more uncomfortable now.

"Detective, why don't you go to the nurse's office and get a bandage for that cut?"

"Are you sure? I can always get a bandage at the police station..."

"No, no, you should definitely go and get that checked out. The sooner the better."

"Alright then. I suppose this is goodbye for now."

'For now?' I hope that's 'forever' instead. The detective left after packing up the rest of his food, and I wanted Hayan and I to go home as quickly as possible, but Hayan insisted on buying some sticky rice bread for her siblings. I was going to object, but caved after Hayan gave me her best pair of puppy dog eyes.

The line for the baked goods was long today. We waited for a while, until we finally bought the bread and left the dining hall. But, we ran into the detective on our way out.

"Hey, we meet again!"

I facepalmed, for a different reason this time.

"Yayyyy...so glad we keep running into each other."

If he noticed my sarcasm, the detective didn't comment on it.

"Well, we'd love to stay and chat more, but Hayan has to go home and take care of her very sick siblings..."

"Huh? But my siblings aren't -"

"Yep! Very sick! Oh the poor little ones!"

I grabbed Hayan's hand and we speed walked away from the detective...

....

....

"It's time for us to takes matters into our own hands! Let's prove that we're not vampires!"

Damn it.

The protestors from earlier were now cutting people in order to prove that they weren't vampires. It was chaos all around us. Some students were willing, but most thought that the student council protestors were taking it too far. I thought about going back inside and waiting for the chaos to die down. There had to be teachers who would stop this madness, right?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see it was Detective Hwang.

He leaned down to whisper to Hayan and I, "Just start walking." So we did exactly that, until we were stopped.

The student council members were blocking our path.

"Have you done the test to prove you're not a vampire?"

They weren't backing down. Hayan raised a complaint, but that only seemed to make them angrier. One of them grabbed Hayan's wrist, and I prepared to brush it off, but when he pulled back Hayan's sleeve, we all saw the bandage on her arm.

It was still wet with blood.

But whose? Is it...the detective's? From when he cut his hand earlier with the knife? When and how did he get the bandage onto Hayan's arm?

"You see? We already did it. Do you need more proof?"

Detective Hwang was calm and collected as he slid Hayan's sleeve back down. That should have been the end of the matter, but a new obstacle stood in our way: the student council leader.

"She could have gotten that bandage anywhere. I wasn't able to see her do the test, so I need her to do it again."

This was getting ridiculous.

The student council leader made a go at grabbing Hayan's arm again, but Detective Hwang caught him midair.

"It's a crime to go around using a blade on people against their will. Unless you want to be charged, I suggest stopping."

He flashed his police ID at the student council members, which was finally enough to get them to leave us alone. The three of us were able to get away from campus unimpeded.

I was reluctantly grateful for the detective. Hayan and I could have waited inside the university, but then the council members would have kept accosting other students outside. With the threat of police intervention, they'd be unlikely to continue.

"Thank you...Detective Hwang."

"Oh please, call me Captain."

"...Captain Hwang."

He added his number to Hayan and I's contacts, before the three of us parted ways.

o - o - o - o - o

I had gotten a text from Hayan.

I...I need you. Please...please come. I'm sitting in front of the pizza restaurant...

I knew exactly where Hayan was referring to. I grabbed my umbrella and my rain jacket, before quickly heading out to find Hayan. I had no idea why she'd send me such a strange text, but whatever the reason, it sounded urgent.

The rain was pouring, and Hayan was absolutely soaked.

"Hayan! You're going to get sick like that!"

I gave Hayan my umbrella to hold, while I went into the nearest store to buy a towel for Hayan. I came back out and gave her the towel to dry off while still holding onto the umbrella. After she finished drying off, Hayan looked...dejected.

"Can you tell me now why you called me out here?"

Hayan kept her head lowered as she explained what happened to her.

"Father Michael...he...he and I got into a fight."

"You got into a fight...? About what?"

"He...he's not letting me go to school anymore."

"What?!"

I was flabbergasted. Then, my astonishment turned into indignation.

"He...he can't do that! You haven't even finished the semester yet!"

"I know...I tried arguing against it, but he...he's made up his mind."

"Hayan..."

I was still aggravated on Hayan's behalf, but seeing her appear so defeated dampened my mood.

"Maybe you need to spend some time away from Father Michael...that could do both you and him good."

"But...where would I stay?"

"Don't be siily! You can stay with me!"

"Really...? You'd do that for me?"

"Of course!"

I gave Hayan a hug. She was no longer frowning, but grinning in relief instead.

Hayan stayed over at my apartment that night. She went home briefly to get her things and her scooter, and to tell Father Michael she was staying over at my place. That made him more upset, but Hayan didn't care. She was still mad at him.

My apartment was relatively small, so I didn't have a guest room for Hayan to stay in. She told me it was okay, and decided to sleep on my couch instead. I was embarrassed I couldn't get Hayan a more comfortable place to sleep.

The next day, Hayan and I decided to go on a walk in the neighborhood to cool off. It was raining again, and we saw a bunch of people gathered around the street gutters. They were panicking, and when we peeked inside the gutter to see the source of all the commotion, we saw a cat close to drowning.

I wanted to help the cat, but I didn't want to reveal my alter ego. Then, I came up with a brilliant idea.

"Attention, please! Does everyone here know what tug of war is? Yes? We can do something similar! Everyone here line up behind me, and hold on to the person in front of you! Then, pull with all your might!"

They did as I instructed, and with the help of my vampire strength, we were able to pull the lid off of the gutter and save the cat. Someone had called 119 beforehand, but since we all saved the cat, there was nothing left to do but get our picture taken in the newspaper. Hayan and I were one of the people who received the "Good Samaritan Award".

Hayan wanted to go home and tell Father Michael about how we saved the cat. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I conceded in the end. Surely Father Michael couldn't be mad about saving an innocent animal's life?

I was disappointed to find that I was wrong. Hayan came to me in tears. She had another argument with Father Michael. So another night passed where Hayan stayed over with me.

Father Michael called Hayan the next morning to tell her that he, Yerim, and Yunsu moved to another neighborhood. He sounded apologetic about the day before. He told Hayan that he moved her stuff to their new home, and if she'd like to come over to see it.

"Go ahead, I don't mind. You should check up on your siblings too."

I gave Hayan a thumbs up, and encouraged her to go. I'd still be there for her when she needed me. Hayan gratefully thanked me, and went over to check up on her siblings, and Father Michael. She called me later, in better spirits.

"I patched things up with Father Michael. It's still kind of rough, but we're making progress."

"Hayan, that's great news! Why don't you stay over tonight then?"

"Okay...."

Hayan stayed with Father Michael, Yerim, and Yunsu for the rest of the week, while I was busy with school. I had mostly accepted the fact that Hayan wouldn't be going to college anymore, but at least we could still hang out together outside of it.

o - o - o - o - o

I got a request from Hayan to come and watch over her siblings for her, while she went out.

"Thank you so much for coming over! Yerim and Yunsu are in bed, but if they wake up and need anything, I feel much better knowing you're there with them."

"It's no problem at all! But just out of curiosity, what do you need to go out for?"

"Father Michael still hasn't come home, even though it's already night time. He's never been this late before..."

"Oh, I see. You'll be going to the church then?"

"Yep!"

"Okay, I'll see you when you get back!"

I expected Hayan to come back with Father Michael, after dealing with whatever was keeping him busy at the church.

But instead, Hayan came back with a police officer and a coroner.

"Unnie, what's going on?"

Yerim and Yunsu were rubbing the sleep from their eyes after they had been woken up by Hayan.

"As Ms. Park requested, the three of you present, sans Ms. Park's friend, are the next of kin of Father Michael. It is with a heavy heart and our deepest condolences that we announce the passing of Myeongsu Choi on this night. We are sorry for your loss, and offer you all our deepest sympathies."

After the coroner announced the death of Father Michael, the police officer and the coroner left to allow Hayan and her siblings to grieve. Yerim and Yunsu were quiet, before tears started falling from their eyes.

"U-unnie, what did they mean? F-father Michael is dead?"

"Yerim....Yunsu..."

Since Hayan arrived earlier, she had tried keeping up a strong front for her siblings. But as she embraced them in her arms, I saw her shoulders trembling. I enveloped Hayan in my arms as the four of us stood there, the quiet of the apartment interspersed with the sniffles and sobs of Hayan and her siblings.

Three days later, Father Michael's funeral was held. Captain Hwang came, along with everyone in the neighborhood, to pay their respects to Father Michael.

I stayed with Hayan and her siblings the days after the funeral. Hayan and her siblings had to prepare to move out, because of the death of their adoptive father. I helped them pack their things back at the apartment, while Hayan visited the rectory to get Father Michael's belongings.

She later told me about the letters Father Michael had written to her.

"He wrote all those letters...for me....he wanted to give them to me, but never found the chance to..."

'And now he never would', was left unsaid.

"I found this too...a business card from the Red Bomb Club."

"Red Bomb Club?!"

That was a club I had found out about during my nighttime excursions. Vampires frequented the club, and even worse, they lured unsuspecting humans in to become their prey, by posing as a safe haven.

"Why did Father Michael have a business card?"

"I don't know, but I overheard police officers at the funeral say a bunch of them had been stuck in Father's pockets."

"Could this be related? You don't think...they killed Father Michael?"

"Not just think...I know they did."

Hayan looked absolutely enraged.

"What will you do now?"

"I want to get revenge. But there's something I have to tell you first...at the church tonight."

o - o - o - o - o

Hayan and I snuck away to the church after making sure Yerim and Yunsu were safe and sound.

The roof and the walls of the church had burned away, leaving gaping holes for the moonlight to stream in.

"Okay, we're at the church. What did you want to talk about?"

"Remember that day you saved me from a vampire? You were truthful with me then, so I want to be truthful with you now."

"Truth? What truth?"

"I'm...also a pureblood vampire."

Before my very eyes, Hayan pulled her hair free from her ponytail, and I watched as it lost its color. Her eyes that I loved so much turned blue, like my own eyes when I transformed.

"This...this is...."

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, especially when you told me first..."

"....Amazing!"

"Huh? You're not betrayed? Upset I kept this from you?"

"Why would I be upset, dummy? You're the first pureblood I've ever met aside from my parents."

"Your parents? You never talk about them..."

"That's because..." I hesitated before forcing out the words. "...they died."

"Oh...would it be alright if I asked how?"

"They died in a fire after sacrificing themselves."

"Just like Father Michael..."

Hayan and I contemplated our losses, and the tragedies that led us to where we were at present.

"Is it okay now if I asked about your life? How did you end up with Father Michael?"

"Father Michael...took me in when I was ten. I had no one and nowhere left to go. I hated myself so much that...I even tried to turn myself in for being a vampire."

"And Father Michael stopped you?"

"Yes...Father Michael became a second dad for me."

"What happened to your birth parents?"

"I can't remember. My memories of before I met Father...are unclear."

"Well, I'll help you get your memories back! After you get revenge on Father Michael's killer."

"Thank you...thank you so much..."

Hayan hugged me tightly, just like the day I saved her from the vampire.

After she and I let go of each other, I took Hayan's hands in mine.

"Hayan...I'll always be by your side. And I'm not just saying this because we're both pureblood vampires. Even if I wasn't a vampire, I'd support you no matter what. You're my friend, and I'll be there for you, through whatever hardships may come."

"And you can depend on me too. You don't have to shoulder your burdens alone."

Hayan and I left the church, our hands still interlocked.

[sellyoursoulforagoodfic]

Fated Part 1

Ares x Nemesis!reader (as in the goddess)

Word Count: 1496

Summary: The Fates had a plan War and Revenge, here is their story.

Note: Gods age weird, don’t worry about it.

Like any soul that existed, you were born with your future written in metaphorical stone. Whether it would be Aphrodite herself or one of her kind that was going to you with Love’s arrow, you didn’t know, but what you and your entire family did know due to some poor secret-keeping was that you were destined to marry the God of War, Ares himself. It wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone once it was leaked, either, especially once your affinity for Revenge started showing itself. Wars with that particular motivation were a dime a dozen, after all.

Still, even knowing that you and he were destined, you found yourself frozen in place the first time you laid eyes on him. No amount of preparation could have braced you for his beauty, the unique beauty of an Olympian that was so vastly different from any of the Chthonic gods you called your family. Silvery hair was streaked through with blood as crimson as the eyes that scanned the battlefield for his next opponent.

“What’s the matter, dear sister?” Thanatos’ voice teased from next to you.

You didn’t bother to move your gaze to look at him; the smug look on Death’s face was something you were already very familiar with. “Not all of us were raised with our Fated, little brother. You and Zagreus were lucky.”

“That is true.” Fortunately, you and Lord Ares are still quite young, comparatively speaking. There will be plenty of time for you to grow close.”

“Be that as it may, we will not begin that today,” you announced. Your heart raced as those red eyes finally landed on you. A small upturning of his mouth pulled his fine face from a bloodthirsty scowl to an amused smirk. “I must take my leave.”

“Until next time, then.”

~

The next time you met Lord Ares was a much more private--but equally surprising--affair. You’d just finished blessing a woman who’d been praying for your aid at a small temple of yours far in the woods--her husband was a right piece of work that thoroughly deserved what was coming--when the quiet clanking of armor drew your attention to the door. And there he was, glancing around to take in the modest sight.

“Quaint place.”

You scoffed. “There aren’t many people that call upon my services, Lord Ares.”

“A shame. Perhaps we would be meeting before now if that weren’t the case.”

“You could have sought me out.”

“You could have done the same.”

“Ah, but I am a possessive creature,” you informed him. “I will have you to myself or I will not have you. Humans are one thing, but gods are another.”

“So you waited.”

“Until the Fates predictions about your godly children had passed, until all of them were born.” You didn’t bother to reveal how you knew the details about them. The answer was simple; your weaving sisters sometimes had poor ambrosia tolerance.

“A patience I can admire.”

“Impressive considering how impulsive your family claims you are.”

He chuckled. “And you should know that those that say such things have little grasp of the truth of war. Ones such as you and I know that the sweetest battles simmer for a time.”

“I couldn’t have phrased it better myself.”

He stepped closer. “Have you any pressing matters?”

“Not for a time. What are you scheming?”

“Come with me to my House. We have stalled our meeting for far too long. I have a fine vintage I’ve been saving for this occasion.”

“Ambrosia?” you let your tone slip into mock-surprise. “Suddenly I don’t think your intentions are as pure as getting to know one another.”

“Well,” his smile showed off unnaturally sharp canines, “perhaps those rumors of my impulsive ways aren’t as false as I’d like to believe.”

~

Perhaps it was rash, but the pair of you married the following day after having spent the entire night just talking--despite any promises to do much more physical things. It was a small, quick ceremony with the only outsiders being your mothers. Hera, being the Goddess of Marriage herself, officiated while Nyx simply observed with a fond smile. Then the pair of you promptly vanished from everyone’s awareness for a honeymoon of sorts, one spent in the House of War Ares called home, the one far away from Olympus and its prying population.

It was only once you resurfaced that you realized six human months had passed. Oh well. Let the mortals enjoy their peace. It was unlikely that the gods of Olympus noticed either of your absences anyway.

You parted from your husband with a lingering kiss after placing his black laurels on his head for the first time in all that time.

~

You could still smell the iron and ash scent of Ares on your clothes by the time you crossed paths with your favorite brother. Part of you hoped he noticed your absence--you longed to gush about your newfound love--but the rest of you prayed you got to keep the secret and your privacy just a bit longer.

“It’s been a while, sister,” Thanatos greeted after he reaped the man whose wife poisoned him under your influence.

“We all need a break from time to time, Than. Remind me, how long was your first vacation with Zag?”

His cheeks colored with a blush. “Fair enough.” He cleared his throat. “Was your break restful?”

You fought the urge to touch the small vial of Ares’ ichor he’d given to you as a symbol of his vow at your wedding, the one that hung under the silver collar you war that was so similar to Than’s, the one that Ares had the match to on a cord under his breastplate. “And then some.” Your heart longed for your lover already, but you both had a job to do and secrets to keep from enemies that might try to use your bond against each other.

“I am glad. Truly. You deserved to relax for a while.” With that, he nodded at you and vanished in his customary green flash.

~

Time, as demonstrated by the six month leave of absence, passed differently for gods than it did mortals. Years passed in the blink of an eye without you really noticing. Here and there your strange schedule aligned with his and allowed the two of you the time to thoroughly enjoy each other’s company once more. So it was no big surprise when you went a while without seeing him.

‘A while’ being roughly a human year.

In that year, you had noticed a few odd things. The wars you saw taking place held none of the ferocity that Ares brought with him like a perfume. The vial of ichor seemed cooler against your skin rather than brimming with the heat that always seemed to radiate off of him. You’d assumed it was due to Ares staying at House War to spend time with his sons, the twins Aphrodite didn’t lift a hand to help raise.

You only learned how wrong you were when Hermes suddenly skidded to a stop in front of you, blocking the temple door you’d been about to leave through. It was only after you snapped, “This had better be important, boy; I have things to attend to,” that you noticed the panic on his face and the alarming amount of golden ichor on his hands.

“Hera ordered me to fetch you,” he rushed out in that speedy way of talking he always had. “You must come to her at once!”

“What’s happened?” Your hand drifted to the silver colored dagger at your hip, another gift from Ares, this one from the last time you saw him. Worry lanced through your heart in the seconds before he answered. Still, you tried to reason with yourself that the fear was for naught. Ares was a god after all. The iron and ash smell wafting around you was your imagination, nothing more.

“It’s Ares.” Or not. “Hera told me to get you because he’s your Fated. I thought it was strange since the two of you hardly know each other, but with the shape he’s in there really wasn’t time to argue--”

“Hermes!” you cut him off. “What. Happened?”

“Giants caught him!” he yelped, fearing retribution from the goddess of the concept. “Kept him in chains for a year. She’s not sure he’ll pull through.”

Your blood chilled in a way it hadn’t since your little brother, Death, had been brought into the world. “Where is he, Hermes? Has she taken him to Olympus? Or is he home in Thrace?”

The fleet-footed god faltered. “I-I’m not sure. She mentioned something about moving him--”

“Find them, boy,” you snarled, vision clouding red around the edges with rage at the lack of information. “Go to Olympus and find out where my husband is!”

With wide eyes and another yelp, Hermes vanished. Only to reappear a breath later panting, “She’s moved him to Thrace!”

“Take me to him.”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Kou Route ー Chapter 3

ー The scene starts in cafe Tarte Tatin

Kou: I’m pretty sure it should be around heー ...Ah, there it is!

Yui: You’re right. There’s a cafe here.

Kou: Ah, that table over there is free. Here, this is your seat.

Yui: Yeah!

I wonder what kind of drinks they sell at a cafe in the Demon World?

Kou: Stop! Hold on one second.

Yui: What’s wrong?

Kou: Could you leave our order up to me, perhaps?

Yui: You’ll choose for me?

Kou: Yeah, my picks! Okay?

Yui: I’m happy but...I’d feel bad for just waiting, so I don’t mind going with you?

Kou: It’s fine, don’t worry! This is the man’s task, don’t you think? We’re on a date after all~

I’ll go buy our drinks so you just wait here, okay?

Yui: Yeah...!

ー Kou walks away

Yui: ( I wonder what kind of drinks Kou-kun will bring. I’m a little excited... )

Male Vampire A: Hey, have you heard? Apparently this place’s juice has a little special gimmick. 

Female Vampire A: How so?

Male Vampire A: Ever so often, someone will hit ‘jackpot’ (1), suddenly growing a pair of animal ears as they’re enjoying their drink.

Female Vampire A: Eeh, amazing! I can’t wait~!

Yui: ( ...Actually, I might be a little worried after all. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー Kou returns

Kou: Sorry for the wait, M-neko-chan~!

Yui: Welcome back, Kou-kun.

Kou: I bought our drinks. Here, this is yours.

Yui: Thank you.

( I was somewhat concerned but...It looks normal from the outside. )

( However, I feel like it’s a little much? The glass is big too... )

Wait...Hold up...? Say, Kou-kun? Where’s yours?

Kou: I obviously got something for me too. See, right there.

Yui: There?

( As far as I can tell, there’s just this one drink for me though... )

Kou: Fufufu~ ...I can tell you’re confused by that look on your face.

I suppose that even you’ll be able to figure it out once you see this? Ta-dah! Now what could this be~?

Yui: What? ...A straw, right?

Kou: Yes, correct! Now, question time! What shape is it?

Yui: ...A heart?

Kou: Exactly! Two straws are tangled together, forming a heart shape.

No matter how dense you may be, I’m sure you understand now?

Yui: Don’t tell me, you want to share this juice amongst the two of us...!? 

Kou: You’re 100% correct! Why not? It seems fun!

Yui: W-Wait! That’s just too embarrassing!

Kou: Eeh? How strange for you to say that. We usually do much more shameful things, don’t you think?

Well, I’m usually the one initiating it~

ー Kou moves closer

Kou: Come on, let’s drink it together?

Yui: Uu...K-Kou-kun, you’re close...!

Kou: I approached on purpose. I mean, if I don’t do this, you avert your gaze right away.

For some reason, I can’t seem to figure out what you’re thinking even by staring at you like this...

However, even if I couldn’t see a thing, I feel as if I would still feel happy just from gazing into your eyes.

Yui: Kou-kun...

Kou: ...That being said, you’ll drink it with me, right? Yui.

Yui: ( ...No fair...! )

Kou: Ah, are you dissatisfied with the straw, perhaps? Would you rather have me feed you mouth-to-mouth?

Yui: No...!

Kou: Fufu, you should have told me sooner then~

I don’t mind. In that case, I’ll directlyーー

Yui: Wait, Kou-kun! Fine! I’ll drink it with the straw!

Kou: No need to be modest~ This straw is embarrassing for you, right?

Yui: It’s totally fine!

( Mouth-to-mouth would be much more embarrassing after all...! )

Kou: Fufu~ I figured you’d say that.

Personally, I would have gladly fed you mouth-to-mouth as well, of course.

Here. You take that side, okay?

Yui: ( It’s embarrassing but...I guess I have no other choice but to make up my resolve. )

( I-It really is embarrassing...!! Kou-kun’s face is so close... )

Kou: ...Fufu~ Say, M-neko-chan? Are you flustered?

Selection

→  A little...  (☾)

Yui: A little...

Kou: Why? Because it’s too cliched? Or because...I’m close to you?

Yui: ...B-Both, I guess...

Kou: Fufu, it’s because you’re way too conscious of your surroundings. If you simply focus on the guy in front of you...See? It’s no longer embarrassing, right?

Yui: ( No way...It’s only even more embarrassing...! )

→ Not at all! 

Yui: N-Not at all...!

Kou: Heeh, really~? You’ve grown then.

In that case, I guess this just won’t satisfy you anymore? Let me feed it to you mouth-to-mouth after all.

Yui: Wait, that’s...!

Kou: I’m sure it’d be child’s play considering how much you’ve grown? Come on...Move your face a little closer?

Yui: ...No, Kou-kun! I can’t...!

Kou: Fufu, I figured so. It’s because you tried to act tough when you really aren’t, M-neko-chan~

Kou: Geezー You really always stay so innocent.

In that case, I might as well just make your mind go blank...

Yui: Eh? Wait, Kou-kun...!

Vampire child A: Waitー!

Vampire child B: Ahahaha! In your dreams!

Kou: ...What’s this ruckuーー

*THUD*

Yui: Wah...!

ー The drink gets pushed over

*Splash*

Yui: ...! The juice...!

Vampire child A: Ah...

Kou: Ah-aah...All of it spilled on the floor.

...Say, you kids over there? Do you have a minute?

Vampire child A: Shoot! Run, everyone!

Kou: Ah! Hey!!

Vampire child B: Sorry!! Please forgive us since it’s the Carnival!!

ー The kids run away

Kou: Those little brats...!

Yui: Calm down, Kou-kun. They’re just children, you don’t need to get so upset...

Kou: You can’t spoil them! Those who waste food deserve a divine punishment!!

ー Kou runs after them

Yui: Kou-kun!?

Kou: M-neko-chan was finally in the mood to drink it as well! You scoundrels! 

Vampire child A: We already said sorry, didn’t we!?

Yui: ...They left...

( Could it be...Does Kou-kun usually get scolded by Ruki-kun for wasting good food...? )

( Either way, I should clean up the glass... )

ー A young Kou walks up to Yui

Yui: ーー Eh...?

( A child...? How long has he been standing there? I didn’t notice him at all. )

( Could he be a friend of those kids from earlier? However, he seems a little different... )

???: ...

Yui: Uhm...What’s wrong?

???: ...

Yui: Are you lost, perhaps? Did you get separated from someone?

???: ...

Yui: ( This is tricky. He won’t respond at all. )

( If I leave the cafe, I might get separated from Kou-kun but...I just can’t leave this child be. )

( Besides, this little one sort of reminds me of Kou-kun... )

Say, would you mind telling me your name?

???: ...

...Kou.

Yui: Eh...?

( Did he just say ‘Kou’...? )

ー The young Kou runs away

Yui: Ah...Wait!!

( I want to chase after him but...If I leave, then I’ll... )

... 

( I’m sorry, Kou-kun! I’ll return straight awayーー! )

ー Yui runs after him as the scene shifts to a side street

Yui: ( I’m pretty sure he ran into this direction... )

( ...! There he is...! )

Kou: ...

Yui: ...Kou-kun?

Kou: ...

Yui: Uhm...I’m sorry if this sounds weird but...

Are you...The same Kou-kun I know?

Kou: ...I am.

I am the Kou you know. However...From the past.

Yui: From the past...?

Kou: Exactly. Way, waaay before he met you.

Unlike the guy you know...I’m Kou during the time he was misfortunate.

Yui: ( ...The look in his eyes...Almost as if he is bearing a grudge of some sorts... )

ー Yui has a dizzy spell

Yui: ...!? 

( I’m suddenly growing dizzy... )

ー She collapses

*Thud*

Kou: ...

Yui: ( My mind’s going blank... )

Kou: ...Say, Yui?

Yui: ( Ah...Kou-kun’s holding my arm... )

Kou: Let me...suck your blood.

Yui: ...Eh...?

Kou: I’m not a Vampire yet at this time. However...That doesn’t matter.

I’m envious of him...So I want to do the same thing he does.

Yui: Him...?

Kou: Yes, him. ...My grown-up self.

It’s no fair he gets to have everything. Meanwhile I’m still incapable of even trusting someone...

The feeling of wanting to trust others...

Yui: ...!

( No way...He’s biting my arm...!? )

S-Stop...! ...Kou-kun...!

Kou: Yui!!

ー Kou runs up to her

Kou: I finally found you...!

Yui: Kou-kun...?

( I’m slowly regaining my focus... )

( Huh...? The small Kou-kun is gone... )

Kou: Why are you crouched down like that? Do you feel sick, perhaps?

Yui: No...I’m fine. I’m sorry for making you worry.

Kou: For real! You weren’t there when I returned to the cafe...So I looked all over for you.

Yui: Sorry...

Kou: Say, are you really okay? Your complexion is pale. Did something happen?

Yui: Well...

( I doubt he’ll believe me...If I tell him I met up with his childhood self. I barely even believe it myself, to be honest. )

( It might have been just a hallucination. However, the sensation of being bitten felt too real for that... )

Kou: ...Wait.

Yui: Eh?

Kou: That wound on your arm...A bite mark?

Yui: Ah...This is...

Kou: It’s a bite mark, isn’t it? I can’t imagine what else it’d be.

Hah...For real? I take my eyes off you for one second and you’ve had your blood sucked?

Yui: W-Wait, Kou-kun! You’re wrong, this is...

Kou: How am I wrong!? Someone sucked your blood, no!?

...Say, who was it? You happened to run into one of those Sakamaki’s and that’s how it happened? Did you let them because you went with the mood of the festival?

Or was it just a random Vampire passing by? You really are a cat in heat.

Yui: Please, Kou-kun! Listen to me!

Kou: Shut up!

Yui: ...

Kou: ...That shop owner was right back then. You’re keeping secrets from me.

You tempt me with sweet words about ‘picking me’ or ‘loving me’ but you deceived me, didn’t you?

Yui: ...! I didn’t!

Kou: If the only thing you’re looking for is a good-looking Vampire and a pair of fangs to please you...

Could you try asking someone else? There’s plenty of them out there, right? In your close vicinity.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be that guy. I...can’t stand that sort of thing.

Yui: ( The look in his eyes...It’s the same as that child from earlier... )

Wait, Kou-kun...!

Kou: ...I won’t wait. I mean, you’re fine with someone other than me too, right?

...See you.

ー Kou walks away

Yui: Kou-kun...!

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 当たり or ‘atari’ is the term used for a winning lot in lotteries, lucky draws, etc. 

← RETURN TO CHAPTER 2

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 4]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ REIJI]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ KANATO]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #3 [W/ RUKI]

[sapphirestarxx]

Testing the Waters

Find it on AO3!

This is a birthday fic for the wonderful @neutronstarchild​!! The Inuyasha fandom is so lucky to have someone like her. She’s a joy to talk to, so supportive, and full of incredible ideas!! She requested MirSan from me and I did my best to deliver. Thanks to @fawn-eyed-girl for being awesome and beta reading for me!

SUMMARY: Miroku likes Sango. Sango is unconvinced. Sometimes it takes a wardrobe malfunction at a waterpark to bring two people together.

Pairings: MirSan, minor InuKag

***

The day had started with so much potential, but Sango was now less than optimistic.

She sighed, putting her purse and clothes away into a locker in the women’s changing room. They had just arrived at the waterpark about ten minutes ago, but she already wanted to leave. She straightened the strings on her bikini, regretting wearing something so revealing. Although, she acknowledged, it was modest compared to some of the things the other girls around her were wearing. Maybe if she wasn’t so self-conscious about some of her more...generous attributes, she wouldn’t care as much.

And maybe if a certain someone wasn’t there too. 

Pink triangular cups covered her breasts in a halter style, coming to tie around her neck and back. Rather than a traditional bikini cut for the bottoms, the ones she wore resembled boy shorts, something she was much more comfortable in. She knew her bottom half was a bit on the heftier side and she liked the extra coverage it provided.

“You ready yet, Kagome?” she called, trying to keep the annoyance from her tone.

“Just a second!” Kagome called back.

Kagome had invited her to go swimming but neglected to mention that Kagome’s boyfriend, and more importantly, his best friend, would be joining them. She had nothing against Inuyasha, but Miroku was a different story. 

When Kagome had started dating Inuyasha several months ago, it wasn’t long until she had started trying to make half of their hangouts a group event, mostly in an effort to get Sango to know her boyfriend better. Sango also suspected she was trying to play matchmaker. Because the flipside was that Inuyasha often brought his own friend Miroku with him, supposedly to allow the flirt to get to know Kagome better too, since things were getting so serious between them. 

However, Miroku had been more interested in familiarizing himself with Sango.

Because he was a flirt, constantly finding new and inventive ways to ask her out. He’d at least had the courtesy to wait until their third meeting before attempting to make a move. And maybe if Sango had thought he was serious about her she’d have considered giving him a chance-- although she was reluctant to admit it, she couldn’t deny her own attraction to him. But she was convinced he was just flirting with her for kicks. His charm had been a little too calculated, a little too insincere, for her to truly believe it.

Even if part of her wanted to.

“Why the frown?” Kagome asked cheerfully, coming up beside Sango to loop their arms together. She led them out into the sunshine where the men were waiting. Sango followed unenthusiastically.

“You know why,” Sango replied, refusing to be swayed by her best friend’s bright smile.

“Oh, come on, don’t be mad at me.”

“You never mentioned the guys were going to be coming, too.”

“Why is that a problem?” Kagome asked innocently.

Sango wasn't fooled. “He’s not serious about it and I don’t want to spend the whole day fending off his one-liners, Kagome.”

“Miroku hasn’t even flirted with you that much recently.”

“It’s still enough to be annoying.”

It was true, Miroku had eased up on the flirting, although it hadn't completely stopped. His words used to have a practiced smoothness that made her roll her eyes, but now she was starting to see a more genuine side to him. A side that actually made her like him, despite her best efforts not to. It almost made her question if she had been wrong about him, but she never allowed herself to pursue that train of thought. She was just his favorite game to play and she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of winning. Victory would taste sweet to him, but feel far too hollow to her when he inevitably grew bored of his prize.

Sango valued herself more than that.

No matter how she actually felt about him. Which was, perhaps, the real reason she disliked being around him so much. Sooner or later she would slip and he would know.

Kagome shook her head, seeming to read Sango’s mind with her next words. “Miroku likes you. And I mean likes you. Inuyasha says he’s never seen him this into someone before, you know. I wish you wouldn’t be so stubborn, because I’m pretty sure you like him too.”

“Then maybe he should try something new,” Sango retorted.

“He could go about it in a better way,” Kagome agreed with a slight wince.

Sango didn't reply as they walked through the crowd of people and approached the two men who had already claimed a set of reclining chairs. Instead, she gently extricated herself from Kagome's grasp and double-checked the high ponytail she'd pulled her long, dark brown hair into, making sure it was secure. As Inuyasha and Miroku turned their eyes upon them, Sango shifted the towel in her arms in an effort to hide as much of herself from view as possible. 

As if that could save her modesty.

Inuyasha’s golden eyes turned heated at the sight of Kagome in her own jade green bikini, complete with ruffled bottoms. Kagome smiled sweetly in return, the black waves of her hair fluttering gently in a warm breeze. All around them came the sound of conversation, water splashing, and loud calls of excitement, but for those two it was like the rest of the world had fallen away.  

Sango felt a slight twinge of jealousy, envious of what they had found in each other.

"Sorry to make you wait!" Kagome chirped brightly, and Inuyasha's default surly expression transformed into a loving smile.

"Keh. Took ya long enough," he grumbled, but the affection in his voice was unmistakable.

While both guys were dressed in swim trunks and cut an attractive figure, Sango couldn’t seem to keep her gaze from wandering to Miroku. Her heart started to beat faster as her eyes took him in, feeling a tightening in her stomach. It was impossible not to note, or appreciate, how defined and toned every muscle on his lean body was. Swallowing, she managed to drag her eyes back to his face, the amusement in his indigo eyes making her blush and scowl.

"Sango, my dear. Like what you see?" He teased.

"Not particularly," she lied.

His answering grin was all the proof she needed to know that he saw right through her. It was frustrating.

Giving Sango a playful nudge with her elbow, Kagome set her poolside bag down and dug through it for a moment, unearthing a bottle of sunscreen. She handed it to Inuyasha and turned her back to him, gathering her hair around a fist and lifting it up.

“Do my back, please,” she requested. 

“Yeah, yeah. Shit, this reeks of coconut.” Inuyasha scrunched up his nose, taking the bottle from her without further complaint and setting to work. Despite his gruffness, he clearly didn’t consider his task a chore, if the softness in his eyes or gentle way he kneaded the sunscreen into Kagome’s back was anything to go by.

“It smells amazing,” Kagome insisted.

“You smell better,” Inuyasha said.

Sango looked away from them, taking the opportunity to set her own stuff down, all the while refusing to meet Miroku’s eyes. She was nervous to see the way he would undoubtedly drink her in with his gaze, and could already feel his eyes on her back. It made her feel self-conscious, but in a strangely gratifying way. Her suspicions were confirmed when she turned back around, but she still wasn’t quite prepared for the appreciative way his eyes traveled up her body, or his slightly open-mouthed stare.

"Wow," he said.

"Stop staring at me like that," she snapped, feeling herself flush as butterflies stirred to life in her belly at the look in his eyes. She liked it a little too much, and that wasn’t good at all. It made her feel off balance and out of sorts, something that was dangerous around a guy like him, mostly because it might push her into giving in.

"It's only fair, isn't it? After all, you checked me out. Double standards," Miroku pointed out with an easy smile.

"I did not!"

"It's okay, I don't mind if you objectify me," he winked. "In fact, I insist upon it."

"Oh, shut up." A stunning comeback.

“No need to be shy about it,” Miroku laughed. “Want me to apply some sunscreen to your back too? It would be a shame to let that lovely body of yours burn.”

“Not necessary,” Sango said quickly. “I already put some on.”

“She’s lying,” Kagome told him. “Please put some on her, Miroku.”

“Kagome!” Sango yelped. That traitor. She had planned to have Kagome do it, but clearly her friend had other ideas. Like using this as an opportunity to push her and Miroku together. She knew Kagome meant well, but that didn’t ease the sting of annoyance.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, choosing not to comment. He knew his girlfriend was up to something, but as long as it didn’t directly affect him then he was keeping his nose out of it. Plus, she had probably already informed him of her little scheme and bribed him to go along with it.

“It’s just sunscreen, Sango. Don’t be so stubborn.” Kagome let her hair fall back down as Inuyasha finished and handed the sunscreen off to Miroku. She gave Sango a bright smile. “Inuyasha and I are going to go get some drinks. We’ll be right back.”

“Wait, but--” Sango cut off with a sigh as they walked off, leaving her alone with Miroku. She glanced over at him and he raised the sunscreen bottle with a smile, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“What will it be? Come on, I’m not so bad,” he coaxed.

“Fine. But watch where you put your hands,” she conceded, shooting him a warning glare before turning her back to him.

“I’ll behave myself,” he assured her, grinning. 

Sango was acutely aware of his presence as he came to stand behind her. She reached back to drape her ponytail over her shoulder to keep it out of the way. The pop of the sunscreen bottle opening almost made her jump and she tensed in anticipation. Despite her protests, she wanted his hands on her more than she was willing to admit.

Then his hands were on her and she exhaled in a rush, releasing the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. As his fingers pressed into her shoulders she couldn’t suppress a shiver.

“Sorry, I know it’s cold,” he apologized, misinterpreting the reason for her very physical reaction to him.

“It’s okay,” she managed, her voice coming out a little breathless.

He hummed in acknowledgement, gradually working his way from her shoulders to the middle of her back. He took his time, palms slowly smoothing over her and rubbing the sunscreen into her skin with firm strokes. Her heart skipped a beat when his fingers gently slipped themselves under the strings of her bikini so as not to miss a spot. It sparked a warm glow that settled in her chest, creating a pleasant tingle everywhere his hands passed over. Between the heat of the sun and the heat growing inside of her, a sense of languor washed through her and she couldn’t help but relax against him. It just felt so...nice.

“I like that color on you,” Miroku said conversationally.

“I...what?” Sango blinked.

“Your swimsuit,” he clarified, sounding amused at his obvious effect on her. “It suits you. It’s strong but feminine. Like you.”

The compliment warmed her and she wanted to believe that he meant it. It sounded like he did. His voice was low and close to her ear, almost intimate. She swallowed. Words. She needed to say words. But the way his hands felt on her skin was distracting and made thinking difficult, which was probably why the next thing out of her mouth wasn't a cutting reply.

“Thank you...I think.”

“You think?”

“I…” Sango trailed off as his hands moved to her sides and caressed their way down to her waist, his fingers rubbing circles and making her feel things she wasn’t supposed to feel for him. He continued kneading the lotion into her, his palms coming to rest at the small of her back and dangerously close to her ass. She held her breath, her veins thick with the pleasure spreading through her. Her heart pounded and she closed her eyes, leaning back against him.

Then snapped them open when she realized what she was doing. Oh God.

She jumped away and her cheeks flamed crimson.

Miroku looked surprised for a moment then smirked, letting out a chuckle. She cursed herself-- she couldn’t have been more obvious. It was getting harder to hide what he did to her and for a moment she considered being honest. But no matter what Kagome said, there was no guarantee that Miroku’s feelings for her were genuine, and she wasn’t ready to take that chance just yet.

“That’s good enough,” she said, looking away from his knowing gaze.

“Hmm. You’re already looking a little red,” he observed teasingly. 

“I’m just hot. You’re imagining it,” she mumbled.

“I couldn’t agree more-- you absolutely are hot. I would even go so far as to say stunning. And I can assure you, I am not imagining that.”

His words broke the spell his touch had invoked and she rolled her eyes.

“Save the smooth words for someone who cares.”

“So you think I’m smooth.” He was as undeterred as ever.

“That’s not what I meant!” 

Miroku just grinned, then held out the bottle of sunscreen to her. “Care to return the favor?”

Sango sighed, pursing her lips. “Turn around.”

It was going to be a long day.

****

An hour or so later, Sango was actually enjoying herself (for the most part). Inuyasha and Kagome had returned shortly after, bottles of water in hand, along with a giant cup of banana split Dippin Dots and four spoons. After that, they headed into the water, Kagome voting to hit up the lazy river first. Miroku had looked at Sango with a secret little smile the whole time and Sango had done her best to ignore it and everything it meant. Which was why she had claimed the spot by Kagome’s side in an effort to avoid him as much as possible, something that only made the looks he aimed her way even worse. 

He could get under her skin like no one else.

Inuyasha had scoffed that the lazy river was boring, but Sango was pretty sure that was just because he was stuck with Miroku. Kagome had archly replied that he and Miroku could find something else to do in the meantime if he disliked it so much, but “the girls” were going to get some sun and relax. 

Now, she and Kagome were in line to go down the biggest waterslide the waterpark had to offer. Kagome was bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement and Sango smiled, shifting the giant two-person raft in her arms as they waited their turn. Inuyasha and Miroku had already gone down a few people ahead of them and were waiting for them at the bottom.

“Something happened with Miroku, didn’t it.” Kagome didn’t even make it a question.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sango knew what was coming and decided to play dumb.

“I saw the way you were blushing earlier when Inuyasha and I came back from leaving you two alone. And the way he was looking at you.”

“Nothing happened. He just put sunscreen on my back and I put some on his.”

“Mhmm,” Kagome said, unconvinced. “If you say so.

“Why are you so bent on pushing us together?”

Kagome sighed and looked into Sango’s eyes, her expression earnest. “Because, Sango, I know you like him. You may think you’re good at hiding it, but I can tell you have some feelings for him, and he likes you too. And when two people like each other, it’s incredibly dumb for them to not just be together when there’s no good reason they shouldn’t.

“Also, I’ve seen the way you look at me and Inuyasha when you think I’m not paying attention, the wistful expression you get on your face. And I want you to be happy too, and be able to share that kind of happiness with someone else.”

Sango bit her lip, moved by Kagome’s honesty but also a little frustrated. “What’s the point, Kagome? I’m just a challenge to Miroku. You’re right; I like him. A lot. Which is why I get so annoyed with him, since I’m mostly just annoyed at myself for being so into him. Because I’m smart enough to know how it will end.”

“You don’t know it will,” Kagome shot back.

“You don’t know it won’t.”

“Why are you so convinced he doesn’t mean it? I mean I can kind of understand thinking that in the beginning, but now?”

“I don’t know,” Sango said honestly. Her reasons had always seemed so valid to her, but now she was wondering if it was just an excuse. Or maybe the heat of the sun was just getting to her. Still… “Maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” Kagome beamed.

Sango didn’t reply because they were up next. The sound of rushing water from the slide permeated the air and would have drowned out any words she had to say anyways. She tuned out the practiced spiel of instructions the person manning the waterslide was rattling off as she set their float down and Kagome situated herself in the back with Sango taking the front.

“Okay ladies. Have fun!” The person finished, then gave them a push and they were off.

Kagome let out a shriek of excitement and Sango grinned in spite of herself as the raft was carried away by the currents of water, propelling them down the slide at high velocity. The raft swayed, riding up onto the sides of the waterslide at each fast turn, making Sango feel exhilarated. Kagome grabbed onto her from behind, giggling as they rushed towards the bottom.

“This is so fun!!” She cheered.

Sango agreed, letting out a whoop as the end approached. 

Then they were crashing back into the pool with so much force Sango found herself submerged for a moment. When she broke the surface of the water, it took a second for her to regain her bearings. Once her senses returned, she heard Kagome’s excited chatter to Inuyasha over to the side, where they all stood in the pool, out of the way of people still coming down the slide. She waded towards them, a sudden gust of wind raising goosebumps on her wet skin. Kagome turned her way, a radiant smile on her face, before her expression became frozen. Miroku was also staring at her, looking dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

That was when Sango realized her bikini top had gone missing.

"Oh shit," Inuyasha said, turning red and looking away.

Sango let out an embarrassed yelp, her arms coming up in an effort to cover herself as she lowered herself back into the water. Oh God, oh God, oh God. A flush heated her cheeks, making them burn so hot it almost felt like her face was on fire. Maybe if she was lucky she would spontaneously combust and be spared from the rest of this nightmare. And that’s what it was, because this was not happening. She stared fixedly downwards, as if her feet were the most fascinating thing in the world.

She heard voices around her, some of them male, and her self-consciousness intensified.

“Dude, did you see that?”

“Damn look at that girl over there.”

“Holy shit!”

Sango tried to tune them out, almost paralyzed in her mortification. And then Miroku was there in front of her, pulling her up and against him. She was so surprised she didn’t have it in her to resist as he crushed her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, shielding her from the eyes of all the onlookers.

“Oh my God,” she whispered against his neck. Embarrassed didn’t even begin to cover it.

“It’s alright, I won’t let anyone else see,” he murmured.

An obstinate part of her wanted to pull away because of the intimacy of it all. She was half naked and pressed up against his naked chest, and his arms felt entirely too good around her. But that was silly, especially when he clearly had good intentions. And to be honest, she hadn’t expected such a move from him, which was probably a bit unfair of her. Then again, maybe she had been unfair in a lot of things she’d thought about him. She breathed deep, attempting to calm her racing heart, and found reassurance in his presence. 

The nervousness she felt now was for an entirely different reason.

“Let’s just go over here where there are less people,” Miroku suggested, his voice sounding a bit strained. Sango wondered at that, but then Kagome was beside them.

“Oh my God. Sango, hey. I’m gonna look for your top, and Inuyasha is gonna try and keep people away until I find it,” her best friend informed her, sounding concerned.

Sango nodded against Miroku’s chest, refusing to look up and see the reactions of everyone around them. Despite her reluctance, she couldn’t help but be curious as to what expression Miroku was wearing now. Or if it matched the way his voice had sounded. She rested her forehead on his shoulder, reminded again of how tall he was, and how warm his skin felt against hers. Everything she tried so hard to not notice about him was suddenly impossible to ignore.

“Sounds good,” she managed.

Miroku drifted to the side, entering a deeper part of the pool that gave them more privacy, and Sango allowed herself to be led along. Their toes still touched the bottom, but the water now came up to her shoulders, which somehow made her feel more secure. She vaguely heard Inuyasha snarling at some people to stay away, and that would have made her smile if she wasn’t still so on edge over feeling her naked chest rubbing against Miroku’s and oh God she was never going to get past that detail. 

When Miroku stopped she finally chanced a glance, peering up at him through her eyelashes. She tried to be as discreet as possible, not daring to separate herself from him too much lest she expose herself to him again-- one time was too many, thank you very much. Although he likely knew exactly what she was doing, he was polite enough to pretend not to notice. And if his arms tightened around her and slid down her back just a little more, then...that was fine, too. 

It was hard to tell, but his face looked like it might be a bit flushed, and she wondered if it was really possible that she had such an effect on him. And that if the things he said to her, however ridiculous at times, were words he actually meant . It made something inside of her soften, even as another part of her twisted in anxiety. Her feelings were all in knots where he was concerned and she didn't like it.

"I bet you're enjoying this." 

The words came out with more bite than Sango had intended, making her cringe. He was being nice, protective even, and she was being abrasive. Ugh, what was wrong with her? She heard him sigh, felt it in the way his chest expanded and contracted against her body. 

"When you came out of the water, dripping and looking like some beautiful siren from the sea coming to lure me to my death...well, I'd have gone willingly and died a happy man," he confessed. "I'm sorry you're in such an embarrassing situation, but I'm not sorry to be the one who gets to help you. In fact, I find myself very grateful."

"Oh," she said. Then, before she could stop herself, “So you definitely saw, then.”

Not that there had been any doubt. 

Miroku chuckled and she could hear the timbre of it wash over her, feel the vibrations of it in his chest, making her own tingle appreciatively. It made her breathing hitch for a moment before she sternly told herself to get it together. But it was hard, with all his skin pressed up against hers, and all her pent up feelings for him slipping past the barriers she had carefully erected.

“Oh, I definitely did. And you, my dear, are glorious,” Miroku said unapologetically.

Sango wanted to be offended, but somehow all she could feel was... flattered at his honesty, despite the painful awkwardness of it all. Then one of his hands was reaching up to gently pull the elastic from her ponytail, letting her hair hang free down her back. His fingers worked themselves into the wet mass of her hair, stroking through the tangles and making her shiver at how good it felt.

“Wh-what are you doing?” she sputtered, tensing because she wasn’t prepared for the things it was doing to her.

“Relax. With your hair down it won’t be as obvious to anyone looking that you’ve lost your top,” he replied, sounding amused.

“That...actually makes sense,” she admitted, grateful for his smart thinking.

His hand continued to brush through her hair and she felt hot in a way that had nothing to do with the sun beating down on them. Despite everything, she found herself actually relaxing against him, lulled into a sense of calm by his touch. She closed her eyes for a moment, drinking it in. Slowly, she released her grip on herself and let her arms come around him instead, feeling the muscles of his back under her fingertips. The motion made her inadvertently rub herself against him and he let out a choked groan.

“S-Sango?”

She didn’t reply, the words she wanted to say catching in her throat, so she laid her head against his chest, leaning into him. It allowed her to hear the rhythm of his heart, and how fast it was beating. It was so uncharacteristic of how she usually thought of him-- cool, calm, collected. That he was capable of being flustered too, somehow it thrilled her and made her own heart start to pound. She began to shift in his embrace when suddenly his arms around her tightened, keeping her in place.

“Sango...please stop moving,” Miroku said, his voice sounding strangled.

She froze, confused by his request, her mind still in a haze. “Are you really going to complain about me hugging you?”

He took a shuddering breath. “It’s not that. I’m thrilled but... another part of me is thrilled, too.”

Oh. Oh.

“M-Miroku!”

She flushed at the implication, her nipples tightening at the thought of... that. A wave of embarrassment crashed into her, and with it came the urge to move and squirm. She resisted the impulse, knowing it would undoubtedly only make things worse. Where the hell is Kagome? she thought a little wildly. Because as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t fault Miroku for the very physical way he was reacting to her; he was only human and their position was rather...compromising.

“I’d have to be a saint to remain unaffected by all of this.” Miroku’s voice was husky, his desire for her unmistakable. 

She was suddenly acutely aware of the hardness of his erection pressing into her and heat shot through her, lighting every nerve ending on fire with want. Oh no. Oh no. She should say something, anything, because oh God this was too much. “I--I’m sorry, it’s just--”

As if waiting for such a moment, a wave flowed through the water and pushed into her, causing her to sway into him. And into the evidence of how much he wanted her. She couldn’t stop herself from shifting in his arms this time, biting her lip against a gasp as the motion rubbed their skin together and her nipples tingled appreciatively. An answering ache, soft as a whisper, pulsed at her core.

This was bad.

Miroku groaned, one of his hands dipping below the water to land on her thigh, squeezing. Before Sango could voice any outrage over the uninvited touch, he used his grip to gently push her away, attempting to reestablish some distance between them. Allowing herself to be nudged back the slightest bit, she peeked up at him. His face was composed but there was a slight flush over his cheekbones and a firm set to his mouth, his eyes looking straight ahead rather than down at her. 

He was trying so hard to be respectful. 

And that made her like him so much more. Want him so much more.

“Fuck,” he breathed, closing his eyes in an obvious effort to get himself back under control. “Seeing you basically naked, feeling your chest against mine, it isn’t exactly something I can ignore, you know. Especially when I’m so crazy about you.”

“I know. And thank you,” she said softly. “For...I don’t know. Swooping in to save me. Being surprisingly considerate. Being you. ”

He let out a laugh. “That’s surprising, since you act like you don’t like me very much.”

And that was true. In an effort to keep herself from getting caught up in something that had the potential to hurt her, she’d just pushed him away when all she really wanted was to pull him close. No matter how annoying he could be at times. The words that didn’t want to come earlier were now spilling past her lips before she could think about it.

“That’s not true. That’s not true at all. In fact, it’s the opposite. At first, I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I--”

Kagome chose that moment to reappear.

“Finally!! Took me forever cuz some kid found it and decided it was his new favorite toy, then I had to go find his mother and...” Kagome paused, as if sensing she had stumbled upon a private moment. “I’m interrupting something, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Miroku replied without hesitation, making Sango shoot him a glare he couldn’t see. “But,” he went on in a pleasant voice, “it’s fine. We can continue this conversation afterwards. Right, Sango?”

“R-right,” she agreed. She turned her head, looking away from Miroku’s chest to meet Kagome’s very knowing stare. Kagome was grinning, her cinnamon eyes sparkling in delight. That wasn't surprising; this was exactly what she’d wanted. Sango sighed and held out a hand for her top. “Thank you, Kagome.”

“Of course. I’m just gonna go wait over there with Inuyasha.” Kagome gave her a wink, handing the article of clothing off before swimming away.

Then they were alone again. Sango swallowed, her nervousness returning.

“Go ahead and put it back on,” Miroku said with a slight smile. “Don’t worry, as much as I'd love to look I’ll keep my eyes closed until you tell me to open them again.”

“You better,” Sango mumbled back with a scowl. “I mean it.”

He sighed, as if he was misunderstood. Sango didn't buy it for an instant.

She pulled away, taking a moment to make sure his eyes were indeed closed. True to his word, they remained firmly shut, and the corners of his mouth curved into a smirk, as if he knew she was double checking. Giving a slight huff of annoyance, she moved quickly, looping her bikini top over her head until the back tie was snug around her middle. Although she trusted him to keep his word, her eyes kept flitting back to his face as she fitted the cups securely over her breasts. The tie around her neck had come undone and she struggled for a moment with all her hair in the way. 

When she was all done she glanced back at him again, unable to keep a wry smile from her face at his good behavior. Gliding through the water, she stopped in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. His smile widened but he still didn’t open his eyes, waiting for her permission. That didn’t stop his arms from wrapping back around her or one of his hands from resting low on her back, his thumb drawing a line along the hem of her swimsuit bottoms. 

As her eyes traced the lines of his face they inevitably landed on the curve of his lips. Her heart started to pound as her stomach filled with butterflies. This was crazy. But somehow, it felt right.

And she felt ready to take a chance on him.

Sango leaned in and kissed him.

Miroku inhaled sharply, his hands tightening their hold on her as he kissed her back. It was soft and gentle, and his lips were supple and warm beneath hers. Warmth bloomed inside her at the taste of him, making her feel like she was floating. His mouth moved against hers slowly, taking his time, demanding nothing but leaving her with a promise for more. It was perfect.

When she pulled back a blush colored her cheeks as she braced herself for the words she was about to say. Somehow this was easier with his eyes closed.

“I do like you, Miroku. You annoy me, you’re ridiculous and a little perverted, a shameless flirt. But...you also make me smile and you’re sweet and charming and supportive and...I like you. I like you so much it’s irritating. And not as a friend, but as...something more.”

Miroku's smile grew with each word she spoke until he was grinning widely. “Can I open my eyes now?”

“Um, yes. It’s okay now.”

“Good,” he said, opening his eyes, “because I want to look at you when I say this.”

Miroku’s indigo eyes gleamed at her in a way that made her heart skip a beat. Sango licked her lips, nervous and excited.

“Say what?”

“That I adore you, Sango. You constantly keep me on my toes and keep me in check. You’re strong. Independent. Beautiful beyond comparison.” His hand came up to cup her cheek as he spoke, the touch grounding her as her feelings for him threatened to carry her away.

“You really mean that,” she said, feeling his sincerity. There was something about the honesty of his words that made her appreciate his confession so much more than any of his previous, more practiced attempts. It might not have been as smooth but it was more heartfelt.

“I really do,” he confirmed, a tender note in his voice.

“Ask me again,” she said suddenly.

He blinked, his confusion apparent. “Ask you what?”

“The question you always ask me. Ask me again.”

Understanding dawned and he laughed. “Will you go out with me?”

“Yes,” she smiled, her body humming with happiness. “I’d love to.”

****

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[pennamesmith]

Skeletor Ain’t Heavy

Two brothers seek out a community, and Wrong Hordak reflects on the past. More Skeletor stories, if you want ‘em!

*

Two brothers walked the hallways of Bright Moon palace. They were Horde clones, cautious, curious, and concerned. 

“Are you sure this is the right way? I’m certain we passed that decorative waterfall twice already,” the shorter clone complained. He had swept-back ears, and two extra eyes that would never open. 

“Don’t be rude,” the other chided. Tired wrinkles hung at the corners of his eyes and mouth, but he shared the same chestnut shade of hair as his brother.  

“Not only do you trespass in my domain, but you insult me as well! I know the way, I’ve been there before,” squawked the gangly robot guiding them. He strutted purposefully ahead before halting at an arched entryway. “Ha! Here it is! Now, with this magic spell, we shall open a gateway to an evil, little-known dimension!”

He knocked on the door. It swung open. 

Wrong Hordak stood on the other side, bouncing on his feet and wearing an effervescent grin. “Hello, Skeletor!” he said to the robot. “And welcome, brothers! Please, come in!” 

The exuberant clone stepped aside and beckoned the other two through the door. They followed, and found themselves in a modest space filled with a number of other Horde clones. The flock milled comfortably about the room, striking up conversations, taking fruit slices and coffee from a table in the back, and gradually getting settled around an open ring of chairs. 

“Is it your first time here?” Wrong Hordak asked. 

The older clone nodded. “Yes. I am named Sunder, and this is Zed. Skeletor told us about your support group for former members of the Horde. May we join you?”

“Of course!” Wrong Hordak beamed and motioned for the newcomers to join the circle. As they did so, the only other person in the room who wasn’t a clone — a prim-looking lizard — quirked an eyebrow in Skeletor’s direction. 

Double Trouble, a plate of honeydew in hand, sauntered over to where Wrong Hordak stood. “I thought Skeletor left with the princesses on that big interdimensional field trip?” they whispered, bemused.  

“Oh, he couldn’t find a pet sitter for Relay,” Wrong Hordak replied, gesturing to a small robotic puppy sitting happily on a pillow in the corner. Skeletor gathered it up lovingly and almost seemed to smile. 

“Stop licking my face, you dratted dog!” Skeletor whined as Relay greeted him enthusiastically. “Gah! You’re drowning me!” 

He made no motion to put the mechanical mutt down. 

“What? But that doesn’t… oh, never mind.” Double Trouble sighed and wrapped themself around Wrong Hordak’s arm. “In that case, darling, we may as well get started. I want to hear from the fresh meat!” 

They joined the group. Wrong Hordak gave a short clap to bring the session to order, and the ring of clones hushed. They watched him expectantly. 

“Welcome, everyone!” Wrong Hordak began. “Thank you for coming. Today we are joined by two new friends. Brothers, are you willing to share your stories with us?” 

Zed nodded. “We’ve been living in the Crimson Waste since the end of the war, under Huntara’s protection. We were both on the Velvet Glove when it became, ah…”

“The Space Tree,” one of the other clones supplied. 

“…The Space Tree, thank you. I am — was — being grown as Horde Prime’s next holy vessel. But I decanted prematurely when he was defeated by She-Ra.” Zed looked guiltily away from the others. “I have never known a world without freedom from Prime. Yet his evil will always mark me.” 

“Whereas I,” Sunder continued, “served the Galactic Horde for many years, and committed many atrocities in Prime’s name. There was even a time when I imagined myself his top general, though I have since learned that this was a lie he told to many of us.” 

Several of the clones nodded sympathetically. 

Sunder touched the wrinkles on his face. “But even we clones grow old. I was scheduled to be decommissioned, until Prime fell and awakening came upon us all. His death granted me new life.” 

“Hello, Sunder!” the group greeted in cheerful unison. “Hello, Zed!” 

“Thank you for sharing, brothers,” Wrong Hordak commended. “Is there anything you wish to ask of us?” 

Sunder shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “There is. I came here because I want to know… how can I live with what I have done? How do any of us atone for the pain we caused under Prime’s control? We’ve worked as hard to heal the planet as anyone, but is it enough?” 

“And how can we be sure never to harm anyone else?” Zed cut in. “How do I know I will not make the same mistakes that created Prime?” 

“My goodness! Such pathos,” muttered Double Trouble, not unkindly. 

“I also have this fear,” one of the clones volunteered. “My sleep cycle is often interrupted by unpleasant fantasies. I imagine myself saying, ‘If Horde Prime created me in hatred, am I not doomed to hate?’” 

Wrong Hordak nodded in understanding. “It is not shameful to have such thoughts. And I also know what it is like to have memories that… no longer give me pride.” He narrowed his eyes. “I served Horde Prime in many battles on many planets before I met the liberator Entrapta and her friends. Regretfully, I can remember most of them.” 

“Yes, I have such memories too,” said Sunder. “Sometimes I wish they could still be taken away from me, but I know that is not the way.” The old clone had an earnest expression. “Please, what rituals may I perform to calm the storm inside my mind?” 

“I have found that nothing works for every one of us without error,” Wrong Hordak replied, glancing around at the gathered individuals. “Yet for many of us it is beneficial to think of choosing love instead of hatred. It is not an easy task, of course, but it is still our greatest power, to choose.” 

“You are who you choose to be,” Double Trouble stated sagely, their features flickering for a few moments. 

“As for my memories,” Wrong Hordak went on. He took a deep breath, as if he had been pondering what he was about to say next for a long time. 

“Looking back, I find most of my life acceptable and good — and most of it I wouldn’t change. I can see the surprise in your face! But yes, I would choose the same progenitors, the same siblings, whatever their flaws or mistakes. I would fall in love with the same person and plan the same future.”

He shared a warm look with Double Trouble. “So the regrets — and there are many of them — are not a rejection of fate. They are essentially hindsight. If I know them.” 

Wrong Hordak spoke the if with conviction.

“Now certainly, if I had just been decanted, knowing what I know now, I would have behaved differently. I might imagine that I should have done this, could have become that, and my life would have been richer, more governed by love and concern for others, more full of life, spirit, humor, adventure, experimentation, risk-taking.”

He gave Double Trouble another knowing glance. “However, in those moments I am looking at my life as the director of a play might look at the script. They might say ‘cut that awful scene’ or ‘have him act more compassionately.’ But they are the director. They know the end of the story! Whereas I, an actor, had to grope along, trying to find the right way, and trying to find the courage to do what I should have done.” 

Wrong Hordak sighed. “So now, I suppose I have to forgive myself for being a messy infant. For being afraid of bullies, for not understanding others, for wasting time, for feeling negative and discouraged, for not expressing love more effectively, for not opening myself to the experience of what others were willing to give me.” 

Zed and Sunder were leaning forward, listening intently. Nevertheless, something in their expressions still seemed uncertain.  

“I don’t understand,” the older clone ventured. “Wouldn’t you still change the past if you could?” 

“And how do you know what to do now?” Zed added. 

“I don’t,” Wrong Hordak shrugged. “I have imagined, if there were an all-powerful being, and they told me, ‘Very well, I shall grant you another try,' and if I lived the same life over, only better, what would happen? At the end, would I feel satisfied? Proud?”

“Yes?” Sunder tried. 

“Maybe?” Zed guessed. 

“I would not,” Wrong Hordak replied, gently. “Because there would still be an entire universe of variables! As a result of the experience of the second attempt I would only cry out, ‘I’ve failed again! Now, as a result of the second attempt, I clearly see how it should have gone! Oh please, let me stay for one more try!’” 

Sunder contemplated this. “And how would your hypothetical omnipotent being respond?” 

“They would say, ‘It is no use, Wrong Hordak. Nothing can be perfect. The third attempt would only bring an increase in wisdom and a completely new set of regrets.’” 

Zed and Sunder sat back as they took this in. Then they looked at each other, and seemed to reach an unspoken agreement. 

“I believe we have much to discuss,” Sunder said eventually. 

“Do you meet at the same time every week?” Zed asked. 

Wrong Hordak smiled. 

*

Later, after the group had concluded their meeting and most of the attendees had left, Wrong Hordak paused thoughtfully while he stacked the chairs and cleaned up the space. 

“Witless fools, do I have to do everything for you?” Skeletor muttered, passing by with the mop. 

Double Trouble noticed and approached their clone lover. “That was a lovely speech you gave today,” they said. “Would you really not change anything in your life?” 

“There are many things I might have done differently,” Wrong Hordak admitted. “But if the events of my existence had not transpired exactly as they did, I would not be where I am now. And I like where I am now very much.” 

“Bravo,” Double Trouble applauded. 

They embraced. 

“Hmph! That’s your opinion,” Skeletor grouched. “I don’t do things for humanity, I do them for me!” He shook his head. “Oh, why do I surround myself with fools? Even the robots are smarter than you!”  

[honibee-arts]

ship prompts: nielan ageswapped with their brothers?

The first time Nie Mingjue met Lan Xichen, he was a tiny boy holding tight to his stone faced older brothers hand. His tiny arm was almost swallowed by Lan Wangji's enormous, flowing sleeves. He stood at his brothers side, his honey eyes wide and curious as they peered at Mingjue, studying him curiously.

"Come on didi, say hello to Xichen." His da ge urged quietly, a gentle hand on his back as he clung to the olive and grey silk of his skirts, trying not to pick at the glittering gold embroidered into the fabric.

"H-Hello..." He mumbled.

"Introduce yourself." Huaisang said softly, gently patting his head.

"M... Don't want to."

"Forgive me, Wangji, he's very shy. A moment?"

"Mn. Of course."

Mingjue felt his ears burn in embarrassment as his da ge kneeled down in front of him. He looked away from his brother as Huaisang gently took his hands, softly nudging the slight pudge of his cheek with his fan to turn his head back to face him.

"Didi..." He sighed.

"Mm."

"What's wrong, didi? You can talk to your da ge."

Mingjue said nothing, only stared at the ground, tiny fiat's clenched and cheeks puffed.

"Are you nervous?"

"Keeps looking at me..." Mingjue mumbled.

"Hm?"

"He keeps looking at me like I'm weird..."

"Xichen has never really seen anyone outside his sect before, let alone someone outside his sect who his own age. He's just curious."

"Why can't I be with you and Wangji-ge?" Mingjue mumbled.

"Because Wangji-ge and I have boring things to do. Last time that happened you were lonely, so Wangji-ge brought his didi so you two could play together and make friends." Huaisang said gently. "Can you do that for me? Can you play with Xichen today?"

"Mm... Okay. For da ge."

"For da ge? Okay. Can you introduce yourself to Xichen?" Mingjue nodded hesitantly. "Do you still want da ge to hold your hand?" Mingjue nodded again and Huaisang stood up, taking his small hand in his, squeezing lightly.

"Mm... I'm... I'm Nie Mingjue..."

Xichen let go of his brothers hand and held his short arms out in a small bow.

"I am Lan Xichen. It is nice to meet you. I am sorry for upsetting you."

Mingjues brow furrowed as he reached to stop the boy, holding his arms. The white fabric of his robes was soft and warm in Mingjues hands.

"Why are you bowing?"

"For respect. You are the Second Young Master of the Nie sect. Shushu says I must bow to show respect."

"You don't have to bow to me if we're friends. Da ge says friends don't need to how to each other because they respect each other already."

"Oh... Are we...?"

"Friends?"

"Mn."

"Yeah. You're my friend."

".... I've never had a friend before." the little boy looked down, his sad, honeyed eyes staring at his little white boots.

"Well I'm your friend now."

They had played all day, albeit with some encouragement. Mingjue had learned that day that the Lan sect had many rules, and to him they made life sound miserable. What child could be happy if they weren't allowed to run and laugh and climb and fight?

As the evening began to come in, the boys found themselves growing tired. The last thing Mingjue remembered of that day was his da ge draping his outer robe over them as they curled up in his room on one of his large pillows, Xichens head resting on his chest.

Mingjue had been right about the Gusu Lan Sect rules. Studying here was miserable. He missed his home, the comfort of his own bed. He missed his own rules, his own routine. He missed being able to run, train and fight whenever he wanted. If his days were filled with study back in the Unclean Realm then he would practice the saber until the sun had long since set.

The cursed curfew had banned him from such things.

The lectures were long and dull, his only reprive in this nightmare was Xichen. Mingjue rested his cheek on his fist as he huffed, glaring a hole through the row of Jiang disciples blocking Xichen from his view. He never glared at Jiang Yanli, though. The girl was too kind and gentle for that.

Beside his uncle, Lan Wangji stood tall, the newly minted Hanguang Jun a jade pillar of discipline, the picture of the perfect Lan disciple in modest, flowing white and sky blue robes. His hawk-like eyes bore into Mingjue, silently demanding he sit up straight and pay attention, lest he had to punish him.

Mingjue glanced at the soon-to-be sect leader apologetically. The long lectures made him restless and it was easy for his mind to wander. God's, he couldn't wait to get out of here. He checked to see if Lan Wangji was watching him, but his attention had turned to Jin Zixun and his snickering gaggle of Jin disciples, his bright gold eyes burning as he glared at them.

Taking advantage of Lan Wangji's divided attention, he took a small piece of paperman talisman paper and scribbled a message onto it. His da ge was right. It was a good idea to keep some on him during his studies.

He activated it with a thread of qi and checked if anyone was watching before he sent it in Xichens direction. He hid his smile behind his fist as he watched the red paperman dance toward Xichen in the air, perching playfully on his elegant shoulder.

He felt his fingers twitch as its little arm played with his hair, seeing how Xichens lips twitched into a smile as the paperman relayed Mingjues message. Was he... Jealous of his talisman?

No, no, that couldn't be possible-

Xichen laughed softly, smiling at Mingjue so brilliantly it made his cheeks grow hot.

Okay.

Maybe he was jealous of his talisman but... Xichen was so... So... Pretty. He put everyone around him to shame with his radiance. Since they had been reunited here in Gusu after so long, Xichen had grown almost a full head taller than him and had begun to fill out as he entered the later half of adolescence. His shoulders appeared broader under the countless layers of his blue and white robes, tapering at his waist. His face had lost its child-like softness, giving way to the sharp angled features of a man.

Oh.

Oh no.

He was in love with Lan Xichen.

"Nie Mingjue!" Lan Wangji said sharply. Mingjue startled, turning his attention to the glaring First Jade who was crumpling the paperman in his fist.

Mingjue swallowed thickly, looking up at the glaring first jade nervously.

"Yes, Hanguang Jun?"

"You're in for it now." Snorted Nie Zonghui behind him.

"You were passing notes during a lecture. Go to the library pavilion after this lecture and transcribe the disciplines twenty times. I will supervise you myself."

Twenty? That's a little harsh...

Ignoring the whispers around him, Mingjue stood up and brought his arms out to bow to the First Jade.

"Yes Hanguang Jun. My apologies. It will not happen again."

"It better not." Lan Qiren said sharply, narrowing his eyes at Mingjue. "You may be seated."

Mingjue swallowed thickly, nodding as he sat back down. He felt countless eyes on him as he straightened his spine and squared his shoulders, trying to ignore the snickers of the Jin disciples.

"Try not to take it too personally, Nie-Xiong." Jiang Yanli said quietly, looking over at him sympathetically. "Hanguang Jun has always been harsh with his punishments. A-Xian got punished a lot while he was here."

He gave her a grateful nod, turning his attention back to the lecture.

3000 - appreciate the good people.

Mingjues wrist ached after painstakingly coping all 3000 rules twenty times. He withheld a groan as he pit his brush back into the water, grimacing at ink on his hands, unable to wipe it off onto his white robes. He missed his familiar dark grey robes, comfortable and functional rather than the white guest robes he was ordered to wear.

He checked his ink was dry one last time before collecting the copied rules into a pile. He steeled himself as he stood up and walked over to Hanguang Jun.

"Ah... Hanguang Jun..." Mingjue said awkwardly. He felt his blood turn to ice in his veins as he was met with the First Jades cool gold eyes. "I have finished... I hope these are to your satisfaction."

He plucked the copies from his hand, deathly silent as Mingjue bowed, scanning the copies diligently.

"Nie Mingjue."

"Yes, Hanguang Jun?"

"What are your intentions with my didi?"

"E-Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Xichens just my friend..."

"Lying is forbidden in Cloud Recesses." Lan Wangji fixed him with a blank stare. Mingjue was beginning to feel an anxious cold sweat run down his spine. "I care very little for things in this world. My didi is one of the things I do care about. If you hurt him, if you even consider an action that may harm him emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, I will not hesitate to flay you down to your bones in front of your sect, do you understand me?"

"Y-yes Hanguang Jun." Mingjue mumbled, terrified and bewildered at the monotone delivery of such a violent threat.

"Begone. I have other more pressing matters to attend to than your lacking discipline."

Since the day in the library, Mingjue hadn't exactly avoided Xichen per se, but tried not to linger too closely, out of fear of his brother. Jiang Yanli walked beside him, chatting brightly about her family back in Yunmeng as he nodded and listened. Da ge was quite fond of Jiang Yanli's own gege, and spoke of their times in Gusu often. The Jiang sect heir had been something of a role model to Mingjue growing up, as he was admittedly more disciplined than his da ge and a much stronger cultivator.

He smiled politely as she tittered on brightly, laughing happily as she recounted the memories of her summers back at home. The mention of such things made him miss Qinghe too.

A gaggle of Jin disciples walked by, snickering about something.

"- too plain for the Young Master. I heard she's willing to kiss up to anyone at this rate. Who would want her? It's a pity really, considering how strong her brothers are." a boy from the Jin sect sighed.

"Is Wei Wuxian really her brother though? From what I've heard they seem... Close." another sneered. "She might be like her father... Unfaithful. Impure."

Mingjue shot a glare at the disciples, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. The small group bunched together and made a startled sound.

"Nie-Xiong, please, its not worth it. It is nothing to worry about. " Jiang Yanli said softly, but the tears collecting in her eyes said otherwise.

"Keep walking you brute." one of the braver disciples snickered. "She knows what she's worth. She doesn't have her precious brothers to protect her now." behind him, Jiang Yanli sniffled softly. "Especially not her precious A-Xi-"

"Jin Zixun, was it?" Lan Xichen interjected, the polite smile ever present on his face but something dark and enraged behind it.

"You should know who you're sitting next to instead of gazing over at that Nie brute like a cut sleeve."

Oh, that was the last straw.

Baxia pulsed on his back, itching to strike and stain the Jin disciples robes with his crimson blood. The blade twitched, rattling in its holster as Mingjue reached for it.

"A-Jue, don't." Xichen urged, stepping between Mingjue and the Jins. "Fighting is forbidden, please. If you let this de-escalate and calm down then I can get Gege and he can punsih them, alright?" Mingjue grit his teeth, glaring at the cowering disciples. "Please."

".... Fine."

"Report to Hanguang Jun for your punishments. You have broken three rules: no gossiping, no use of frivolous words and no arrogance. You are aware of the rules and yet you have broken them, therefore you must be punished." He said firmly, towering over the Jin disciples who quickly ran off. "Anyway. Gege has heard reports of water ghouls in Biling Lake. He was wondering if you would accompany us on a night hunt, Mingjue-Xiong."

"Water ghouls? A-Xian and A-Cheng could be of help. They're not too far from Gusu and they have lots of experience with water ghouls. They're very common in Yunmeng."

Xichen grinned, laughing softly to himself.

"Yes, I'm sure they'll be of much assistance." He said lightly. Jiang Yanli laughed gently.

"I feel as though I am missing something here."

"You'll see, Mingjue-Xiong. You'll see."

"LAN ZHAAAAAN!" Wei Wuxian screeched as he launched himself at Lan Wangji, throwing his arms around the First Jade.

He had heard tales of the Yunmeng Jiang first Disciple endlessly teasing Lan Wangji, but this happened to be something else... Something more personal as he watched Wei Wuxian wind himself around the statuesque form of Xichens Gege.

"Wei Ying. We are on a night hunt. Behave accordingly."

"He's never behaved accordingly in his life." Jiang Wanyin snorted, folding his arms. "Why is he here? There's no rivers or lakes in Qinghe. I doubt he can swim. His brother couldn't."

"I invited Mingjue-Xiong along so he could gain experience in things like this. Its important to have a broad scope of abilities as a cultivator." Xichen said brightly, humming as he twirled his xiao between his fingers.

Mingjue felt his cheeks burn as Xichen beamed at him. He inhaled deeply and hoped he didn't screw up this whole night hunt.

The water finally settled as the vortex closed, the boats rocking under his feet, causing his stance to waver. He gasped as he stumbled back, colliding with Xichens chest as his arms wrapped around him, steadying him.

"Mingjue-Xiong, are you alright?" Xichen asked, holding him by his waist.

"Hm? Yes, yes I..." I'm trying not to focus on the way you're holding me. Or how beautiful you look when you're a little wet. You're just beautiful. I think I love you.

"You're all wet. Let's get out of here so we can stop to change at the tavern, alright?"

"A-alright."

"Didi." His da ge called from the shade of his seat on the deck surrounding the courtyard, watching diligently as Mingjue moved through sword forms.

"Yes, da ge?" Mingjue replied, flicking his hair off his bare shoulder as the sun bore down on his skin while he trained.

"When were you going to tell me you had a crush on Lan Xichen?" He asked slowly.

"I-I don't!" Mingjue said too quickly, his face flushing rapidly as he whirled around at his brother.

"Your lips say one thing, your body, heart and mind say another. Even your core yearns for him, didi."

"Aiya... Leave me alone... There's no point. I can't have him." He sighed, pointing his blade down into the stone beneath his feet, leaning against the rounded pommel.

"Why not?" Huaisang asked, gently fluttering his fan.

"He's Lan Xichen." Mingjue replied, stating the obvious.

"And you are Nie Mingjue. You are not sect leaders. He is not a sect heir. Union between two men is uncommon but not unheard of."

"So you're, what, asking me to march to Cloud Recesses and demand Lan Xichens hand in marriage from his uncle and gege because of some childish crush?"

"Didi. I brushed off my feelings about Jiang-Xiong like this. Did I love him? Yes. I called it a childish crush to protect myself. When Ba... Joined Mama and A-Niang... I knew not only could I take another sect leader as my husband, but I could not have any weakness. That is why I pushed you to be as strong as you are. You are my weakness, but you can protect yourself. I have my regrets... All I wish is to ensure you do not have to live with yours."

[marybethsjournal]

Always

Summary: Molly has hit a wall with Dutch and doesn’t know what to do; she feels completely lost. Not to mention that she has started to have complicated feeling towards another gang member.

Pairing(s): Dutch Van Der Linde x Molly O’Shea, Molly O’Shea x Sadie Adler (strongly implied)

Word Count: 1903

A03 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29265912

It was barely noon and the girls were day drinking yet again. This didn’t impress Molly much, but she had come to realize that nobody, not even Dutch cared about what she thought. Molly pushed the thought away. If she thought about how Dutch had been shutting her out and treating her badly in general, she would be driven to drink just like these harlots. And then she would be no better than them, which seemed to be the most humiliating thought possible at the time.

Molly was not surprised that Karen was leading the drinking charge of the day. That’s all the wench knew how to do, that and seduce men. She tried not to blame Karen too hard for that, though, because everyone knew Dutch was strongly encouraging her to put herself out there and if Molly verbalized her bias against working women, she’d have to implicate Dutch in the whole thing and she didn’t feel like doing that. Anything to exonerate her man from wrongdoing. What did surprise Molly was that that girl, Sadie, had joined the women for once. And not in the way Abigail had, coming over to get one drink and then gone back to her business (Molly didn’t blame her, she deserved a drink, especially since Jack had asked about 50 questions today already and the Marston man had tried to pants Bill and got a fist in his face in return). Sadie was downing the drinks faster than anyone else; she seemed to have no shame. Molly supposed that maybe she shouldn’t have been so surprised. Sadie had gone through a significant transformation over the past few months. When Sadie had been brought in by Dutch, Micah, and Arthur, she seemed weak and quiet. She had worn dresses and otherwise modest garments, although nothing too fancy. Now, she had the audacity to yell at the men and one day, when out on the town with Arthur, she had bought a shirt and pants and she hadn’t taken them off since. Quite offensive, in Molly’s opinion, but Sadie objectively pulled it off quite well. Molly had noticed herself staring at Sadie quite often, observing the woman. She couldn’t pinpoint quite why, but she assumed it was normal. Sadie was pushing boundaries and was overall quite an interesting woman, more interesting than herself. Not to mention, Sadie was very beautiful. Anyone could see that, it wasn’t an odd thing for her to think.

Molly found herself in the same situation yet again. She was staring at Sadie, who was downing another drink and laughing at some joke Tilly (or maybe it was Karen??? Molly wasn’t doing a very good job focusing on anything other than Sadie at the moment) made. Molly smiled, seeing Sadie throw her head back in laughter. Her smile was so huge and genuine. It was only recently that she had started smiling again. Sadie had taken it rough, just like any woman would, when her husband died. Molly knew the pain hadn’t gone away, but Sadie seemed to finally be letting herself enjoy life with little guilt. She thought about Sadie’s smile a little longer than she probably should have and her mind ended up drifting to a few nights ago when she and Sadie had danced. The whole camp was ambient with laughter and music, coming both from the gramophone and Javier’s guitar. Everyone seemed to have found a partner and was dancing: Mary Beth with Arthur, Jack with Uncle (their form of dancing was far different than everyone else’s slow dancing, the pair were waving their arms wildly and running in circles together), Karen with Sean, Tilly with Lenny. Hell, even Abigail and that fool John had put aside their differences for the night and were dancing up on each other, a bit too provocatively for Molly’s liking. Molly had actually been really excited about the spontaneous party that night. She felt the distance growing between her and Dutch the past few weeks and she was convinced that that night could make it all better. She had put on her finest dress, fixed her hair, and perfected before asking him. But to her surprise, he told her that he was too tired and maybe they could try another time. Her surprise had turned to horror when she later saw Dutch dancing with Susan. The worst part was, Dutch didn’t even seem to care when Molly noticed. It was like he didn’t even care about her feelings.

Molly had run into the nearby forest to cry. She knew her makeup would smudge and usually she would refrain from crying to the best of her ability, but she didn’t care anymore. It only took a few minutes before Sadie had snuck up behind her and asked her what was wrong. She had been sitting on a rock nearby, not in a party mood, when she had heard Molly crying, she explained. How embarrassing.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened so I can fight a bitch?” 

Molly, despite her sadness, laughed. “It’s not really a bitch. It’s Dutch. Wouldn’t dance with me but he sure is dancing with Susan right now.”

“That old fart? Ah you can do better than him.” Sadie seemed to get an idea and clapped her hands together. “In fact, let’s show him what he’s missing. I’ll dance with ya.”

Molly was taken aback by Sadie’s proposal. 

“I’m not too sure that’ll make him jealous. Maybe if I danced with Charles or something…”

“Oh come on! Sorry I’m not Charles.” Sadie grabbed Molly’s hand and drug her back into camp

Molly was confused as to why Sadie seemed so insistent to dance with her, but she was certainly pleased by the attention. She rarely got attention from this gang.

The dance went wonderfully; Molly almost felt something resembling butterflies in her stomach, which she dismissed as simple indigestion. It was perfect until Molly apparently got too close to Sadie and she asked, “Miss O’Shea, do you expect me to kiss you or what?”

Molly was horrified. She gave some phony excuse and ran away from the situation as fast as she could, ignoring Sadie calling after her. Things had been pretty awkward between them since then.

Molly was startled out her daydreaming when Karen yelled at her, “Hey Molly, what are you looking at? You wanna drink or something?” Oh great, Molly thought after realizing she had been staring this entire time.

Molly walked over to where Karen was and for just a brief moment, allowed herself to look at Sadie again. Unfortunately, Sadie seemed to have the same idea. Their eyes locked and Sadie subsequently excused herself to go talk to Abigail. 

“What the Hell is her problem? Anyway, wanna drink? I’ll share mine. It’s the good kind of whiskey.” Karen offered some strong whiskey to Molly. There’s nothing Molly wanted less than to drink after Karen.

“I try not to drink outside of social settings.” Molly informed Karen, politely declining.

“Then WHY were you looking at me earlier?”

“I wasn’t.” Molly responded curtly.

“Then you were looking at Sadie. Cause I know you weren’t looking at these here two fools.” Karen made rude gestures at Mary Beth and Tilly. 

“I wasn’t looking at anything, Karen. Just thinking.” Molly couldn’t find it within herself to look anywhere besides her feet.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you. You two, get out of here. I need to talk to Miss O’Shea alone.” Molly tried desperately to get the other two girls to stay but Karen insisted they leave. Apparently, Karen had much more pull among the other women than Molly did. That wasn’t one bit surprising, but it still seemed wrong.

“Wow, you really don’t wanna talk to me. My feelings are so hurt.” Karen took another swig of her drink before continuing. “Listen Molly, you know just as well as everyone else that I think you’re lazy and entitled. Just all around a nasty person.”

Molly nodded. Karen generally was straightforward and rude when she wanted to me, but it still seemed the drink must be doing a number on her for her to be able to say what she just had said.

“But for some reason my the dumb bitch in me has started to care. I didn’t think I had an angel on my shoulder, but here she is, annoying as ever, telling me, ‘Karen, you have to warn Molly. You don’t wanna see her get hurt.’ And then I tell them back that I don’t care if you get hurt but I still feel like I do care afterwards.”

It didn’t take much of an intellectual to make the observation that Karen had had too much to drink. Molly honestly couldn’t understand what she was saying: it sounded like a whole bunch of incoherent rambling in which she said a whole bunch, yet nothing at all at the same time.

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“Of course you wouldn’t. You don’t have a heart of gold like myself. But at least you do have a heart. Listen, I just wanted to let you know Dutch don't care about you.”

‘“Leave me alone, Karen. You’re drunk and I won’t hear anymore.”

“See, you know it’s true! He sees you as a toy more than anything. You’re gonna end up hurt and he’s not going to care one bit.”

“If you think he’s so bad, why are you still running with him?”

“A lot of us don’t have a choice, miss society lady. Besides, I know better to get involved with him.”

“Sure, Karen. Thanks, I guess.”

Molly had walked away and pretended like she hadn’t cared but even days later, the short conversation haunted her at every turn. Even late at night, lying in bed next to Dutch, she replayed the whole ordeal over and over again in her mind. She hated to admit it, but Karen was right. The man lying next to her didn’t feel much for her anymore, if he ever had in the first place. It was just cold lying next to him. Like sleeping with a complete stranger.

She had spent several consecutive nights not being able to sleep out of worry. Late into the night, she would search Dutch’s face for any sort of sign that maybe he cared about something, maybe not even her. She always came up with nothing.

It had become all too much for Molly. She found herself crying yet again. She had never known herself to be this emotional. Part of her wanted Dutch to wake up and see her in pain, but she knew in her heart that he wouldn’t care. He would just be irritated that someone interrupted his beauty sleep.

One night when Molly couldn’t control her crying any longer, she left their tent so as not to disturb Dutch. She walked towards the rock that she usually sat on while she read a book during the day. On her way, she noticed that Sadie was sitting on another rock on the other side of camp. What was she doing out this late. She supposed she would have to find out. Now was her chance to finally talk to Sadie and apologize for whatever had happened between them.

“Can I sit here with you?” Molly asked Sadie when she approached her.

“Always.” Sadie smiled at her.

“That would be nice.”

[jennygirl2014]

Birthday Cake~Chapter 2

Summary: Humiliated beyond belief, y/n now has to face her boss after the incident.  She isn't sure which to be more worried about, Tony firing her or hiding from Steve for the rest of her life.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: 18+, nsfw, sexual themes, swearing, fantasizing

The sound of that incessant mocking laughter haunted you, adding insult to injury. Such a stupid prank, with such devastating results.  Most of which were at your own expense.  You heard it thumping in your ears as you drove home, trying to keep yourself from crying or dying of embarrassment.

Ha ha… ha ha… ha ha….

              You got home and peeled yourself out of your clothes, threw them right into the washing machine and tried to relax in your tub. You had to sort through it all, somehow.  It was a mistake, that was never supposed to happen, you meant well.  You had no idea what you were going to walk into, literally. In your defense, you did knock. He just didn’t answer. Of course, breaking in wasn’t the smartest thing to do.

              It was Tony’s idea in the first place.  And it was his stupid prank that added to the humiliation.  What if Steve called up Tony and let him know what happened?  He couldn’t fire you for doing what he told you to do, right?  You were just a victim of Tony’s antics.  But the real victim, by far, was Steve.  How were you going to face him after that? How were you going to move on after such a tragedy?  Yes, you had imagined seeing him doing that before, but you would have never actually tried to see it for yourself.  The image was stuck in your head, him standing there with that look of complete shock and invasion on his face.  And even more, those muscular thighs, his large hand…

              Aside from the shock, and humiliation, your curiosity was getting the best of you. You saw what was on the screen in front of him, but your mind carried on further.  What kind of video was it?  What was he into?  Big asses? Girl on girl?  Oh God, could Steve Rogers be watching girl on girl action?  Why would that be shocking?  Most men did.  Despite being Captain America, he was still a man, he still had needs.  But he could get any girl he wanted, why was he wasting time watching videos?  He was a modest and introverted kind of guy, and definitely not the kind of guy to go out looking to fulfill his appetite.    

              You groaned, trying not to let your mind wander too far into those dirty depths.  Everything about what happened was wrong.  And you were going to be the one getting burnt for it.  You looked down at the water in the tub and saw more bits of cake floating and, of course, a copious amount of glitter floating around. Jesus, how much glitter was in that box? You would be finding it in every nook and cranny of your car for months. It was probably still in your hair. You were marked.  Like when bank robbers break open a bag of money and get sprayed with blue dye.  You broke into an innocent man’s apartment, caught him whacking it, and now you were covered in glitter.  You groaned in agony as you sank further down into the water, letting it encase you and feeling half tempted to keep your head under water.

              The next morning came, despite not getting any sleep, and you hemmed and hawed about calling in sick or using a personal day. You contemplated it from the moment your alarm went off to the moment you were dressed and walking to your car. You were not ready to face the consequences.  Still, you got yourself to work, sporting a pair of flats instead of heels since your ankles were so swollen from twisting them in your mad dash the night before. When you got to your office, you sat down at your desk and tried to avoid all contact.  Maybe you could make it through the day without anything happening. Maybe Steve was too embarrassed to even reach out to Tony.  What was he going to say?  

“There she is.” Tony’s voice suddenly cut through your inner monologue and you spun in your chair to see him marching into your office.  He kept a rather flat affect, making it hard to read him, but you noticed he was quick to close the door behind himself.  That wasn’t good.  You braced yourself as he sat in the chair across from your desk and just eyed you. You eyed him back with your heart thumping as you bit your lip, waiting for him to speak and reveal your fate, but he didn’t, he just sat there and remained silent.  That silence started to gnaw away at you, until you finally blurted something out.

“It was an accident! I didn’t mean to!  I swear I wasn’t trying to—” you panicked.

“Is that the excuse?” he cut you off, his tone still cold.

“It’s not an excuse! I know it was wrong, but you told me to do it!” you defended yourself.

“What did I tell you to do?” he questioned you.

“To break in!  You told me to let myself in and—” you huffed, “If you’re gonna fire me, just get it over with, please, I’m sorry!” tears started to well in your eyes as your world started to crumble.  You were dead.

“Fire you?” Tony’s face twisted up with confusion, “Why would I fire you?”

You sat there confused as well.

“But…I thought…” you stammered.

“Relax, kid, I was just messing with you.” Tony grinned and chuckled.  More amusement at your expense. You cocked your head to the side as he started laughing more, the dick.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“That gift! With the glitter and the laughing…I-I…you…how could you do that, Tony?!” you stammered even more, and he just laughed harder.

“Did you hear about that? Oh man, I wish I could have seen the look on the old man’s face!  Did you see it?  Was it priceless?” his eyes were sparkling as he asked for details.  You would give him no such reward as you slowly pieced together that he must have been missing some key information.

“I… did Steve tell you what happened?”

“He left a not-so-friendly voicemail on my phone.” Tony snorted, “He’ll get over it.”

“What did he tell you?” you questioned more, your voice shaking.

“Just that he had a huge mess to clean up, why?  Did something else happen?” Tony tilted his head and eyed you again.  He didn’t know.  And there was no way on this green earth you were going to tell him. You swallowed hard and shook your head, making a tear spill from you eye that you quickly wiped away. Tony’s face then turned to concern. “You okay, kid?  What’s going on?”

“I just…” you started, not even knowing where to go, “I don’t want to be caught up in your games with Steve is all.” Your voice was low, but you were able to keep it steady. Tony raised a brow, but you remained silent.  

“Well, I’m sorry.  I probably shouldn’t have used you like a pawn in our little battles, I get that, and it won’t happen again.” Tony sounded sincere, which shocked you more, “I just knew he wouldn’t be expecting anything like that from you.”

Boy was he right.  He didn’t know the half of it.  But the bigger question remained, why did Steve call Tony about the prank but spare you?  

“You know if you want me to say something to him...” Tony’s voice trailed off.

“What?” it came out like more of a croak than a real question.  

“Like, that your hands were clean in all of this, then I will.” He offered.  But your hands weren’t clean, they had been covered in frosting and glitter, and shame.  You shook your head.

“No, no, it’s fine.” You figured it was best to just move on entirely.

“I mean, if you like the guy, I could say something —”

“Like him?” you interrupted him.

“Maybe you don’t, I’m just assuming—”

“Please don’t assume anything.” You held out a hand, telling him to stop in his tracks.

“Okay, I won’t.” Tony quickly redacted his statement.

“Because you know what happens when you assume something, right?”

“You make an ass of you and me.” Tony replied it the exact adage you were thinking off.

“That’s right, but I’m afraid that in this case, I’m the only ass and you come out smelling like a rose, so let’s just change the subject, alright?” you politely explained to him that you were done with the conversation.  Tony smirked a bit, and you could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he managed to hold it in.

“Alright.  Fair enough.”

                To say you were relieved was an understatement. Now you just had the guilt to deal with, which was hard enough.  You were still in shock that Steve hadn’t sold you out, because you couldn’t say you wouldn’t do it if it had been you.  You wanted to thank him, but you knew better than to see him out.  Hell, you weren’t even sure if you wanted to see him again. If it had been you, would you want to see him again?  Well, if it has been you, you might have asked him for assistance honestly.  But Steve Rogers was not as bold as you when it came to those types of things.  Still, you would have liked to at least apologize, but you knew that some time needed to pass before you ever attempted such a thing.

              A few days passed, and you kept trying to go about your time and forget about what happened.  Tony never mentioned anything, so it was water under the bridge as far as that went.  The more the guilt and shame subsided, the more your curiosity grew.  When you had a moment to yourself, you found your mind wandering back to that night, remembering the parts you did see, and trying to fill in the gaps of the parts you didn’t.  No, you didn’t see what he was holding in his hand, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t think about the size of it.  Even more so, the images you saw on his computer screen kept your mind busy. What kind of kinky things was Steve Rogers into? You had taken a glimpse into his private thoughts and desires, accidentally of course, but so much of it remained private.  The sounds he was making that night was often used as muse when you were taking care of your own needs.  Those hushes grunts and groans.  Was he a vocal man?  To you there was nothing sexier than a man who wasn’t afraid to make a little noise.

One evening, after a day of trying to keep up with Tony’s chaotic mind, you decided to reward yourself and unwind with dinner from one of your favorite places. The little gastropub around the corner had really grown on you, and after a hard day’s work, nothing hit the spot like your favorite cocktail, their famous calamari, and those mouthwatering fish tacos.  The food was practically calling your name, and since it was a Wednesday night, the place wouldn’t be too packed.  Upon simply walking in, the smell of the food had you feeling relaxed and floating as you found your seat.  You used to sit at the bar, but you had learned that sitting at the bar somehow meant giving random strangers the permission to hit on you, overshare their own woes, or just be plain creepy.  When you mind was this full, it was best to claim an empty table to yourself and let the day melt out of your brain, as long as there was an empty table to hoard to yourself.

              That first sip of that cocktail was like magic, and the first bite of calamari was even better.  You chewed happily to yourself and sipped on your fruity drink while you played a game on your phone, something mind-numbing enough to not be too difficult, but still enough to keep your brain from drifting back to work related matters.  After beating the current level on the game, you rewarded yourself by popping more calamari into your mouth before starting the next level, and you leisurely chewed.

“Well look who it is.” A familiar voice crept up on you from behind, and you turned in your seat to have your eyes set firmly on a man’s torso, and then your eyes glanced up to find the face of this semi-mysterious person.  Of course, you should have been able to make out the contour of that body underneath that shirt and jacket, who else had that shoulder to hip ratio? But when your saw his face, you no longer needed any clues.  Steve’s blue eyes looked down at you, with an unreadable gaze.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Unexpected, To Say The Least (ObeyMe Fic)

Okaaayyyy so... this turned out differently than I wanted it to, but these types of things happen when you leave a wip in your drafts for months (╬▔皿▔)╯ but it’s still good. This is a part 1, so stay tuned.... depending on how long it takes me haha.. ha. 

~~~~~~

Scribbling in a notebook, a red night light from the window right next her defining the flyaway strands of hair on the top of her head, Aviyah was blissfully unaware of the stares from her classmates. Resting her chin on her closed fist, one leg crossed over the other, black boots bobbing up and down to the tune she had stuck in her head. She was so calm, so much calmer than she had been in weeks.

Aviyah, a human in a world of demons and angels, had arrived in Devildom two months ago. At first, she was unnerved by the close attention she gained from all the demons, angels and the other human she met. Lord Diavolo, who had also taken a liking to her, ensured that it was just because she was a different species to them. She was weak, a helpless being compared to the Avatars of sin she was living with and angels of heaven she had some classes with. Demons fed off souls, and it was an angel’s job to protect those bright balls of light in each human, so it was only right that they kept a close eye on her. Especially when the future king himself had ordered the seven strongest brothers in all of Devildom to keep her safe for the duration of the exchange programme.

But it wasn’t that. Aviyah was sure of it. She had gained unworldly attention for her entire life. Boys seemed to bow at her feet, begging her to let them serve her each and every whim. Girls clung to her, wanting to be friends with such a kind-hearted, beautiful, smart person- and also wanting to meet her every demand. Aviyah, having been raised by good-willed parents, didn’t take advantage of this strange power she seemed to hold over everyone she met, although she did accept the odd gift from colleagues and classmates on that one special day a year, mainly because she didn’t want to be rude. She hardly asked for anything in public because it would cause quite a stir, everyone in the room darting around to take care of the task she had so graciously offered them. All she wanted was an item from the top shelf, but now she had twenty boxes of cereal that she really didn’t need. 

She expected, being in a world of magic, spells, and potions that could kill or force someone to love you, that she would be safe from all the unneeded, and frankly unwanted, attention. Yet, lo and behold, the first day she arrived here, in a much colder climate than she was used to, both the Avatar of Greed and the Avatar of Envy threw their coats at her, only for her to get consumed by the jacket of the largest man she had ever seen, the Avatar of Gluttony. And she hadn’t even made a pact with them yet!

“I’m telling you, there’s something up with her.” A muttering came from the other side of the otherwise bustling classroom. It was just before their lesson would start, everyone was getting themselves ready to learn about different species of man, except for one group of, shockingly, demons and angels.

“Mammon, won’t you admit your true feelings?” The dark-toned angel smiled softly at the second-born brother. Truly, he felt an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach too, something he couldn’t even begin to describe, but would never admit it himself. He was sure it was something sinful, something against his very being, and would only confess when the time came. 

“What feelings! I-I ain’t got no feelings.” A horrendously red blush appeared immediately on Mammon’s entire face, noticed by all those involved in this small huddle over a desk.

“You don’t even deserve her. You already get to spend so much time with her! It’s so unfair!” The purple-haired otaku tried to bite his lip, he really did, but the jealousy for his brother grew too high, bubbling over into the trait he most represented. Envy.

“That was only because Lucifer made me! I didn’t even wanna babysit that human!” Mammon barked back, not meaning the words but needing a distracted from the embarrassment he could still feel colouring his cheeks. The two butted heads often, but this time it was literal, immediately starting to throw punches to defend the one they held so dear. Several people tried to get between them, the male human even getting his own strike to the jaw, and all hell brought loose in- well- hell.

“Guys! Stop!” A higher-toned, feminine cry, although thick with command and low with anger, echoed over the room, every single one of the occupants freezing in an instance, even those that weren’t involved in this little scuffle- or under the young girl’s pact.

Crouching beside her male counterpart, who had been thrown to the ground by the force of being hit, was Aviyah, the one they had been fighting over. With one hand on Solomon’s back and the other holding his hand to keep him upright, she glared at the two that had been previously brawling in what was meant to be a safe place. 

Aviyah rarely used her unknown power to command people. Or was it the pact? She couldn’t tell any more, but at least it worked. 

“Are you alright, Solomon?” Disappointment turning to anxiousness etched in her expression, Aviyah let go of the sorcerer’s hand and back- once she could tell he could hold himself up-, only to move her’s close to his face, cocking her head to get a better look at the cut bleeding through his white-haired fringe. Being in such close proximity to the woman, and earning so much of her undivided attention, brought many hateful gazes to the man, but he didn’t care. He was thriving off it, in fact. 

“What? Are you worried about me?” No better was the time to tease her, to see that eye roll she did so well and hear that exasperated sigh as she dropped her hands, all previous nurturing gone from her posture as she stood up. 

“You just got punched in the face by a demon and still have the wherewithal to joke?” She muttered, wondering to herself if he was the one with supernatural abilities. Well, he did, he could use magic, but she wondered if he had his own special ability since birth. Could that have been the reason they were the two, out of the entire human race, to be chosen for this life-altering program?

Once she got to her feet, she turned to see Mammon and Leviathan, both with their heads lowered in shame. They had angered their... Goddess? Master? Friend? They didn’t know what to call her, having been the first two to make pacts with her, but there was this force, this unspoken voice that drew them to her and made them bow at her feet. Or want to, anyway.

Before Aviyah could even start to berate them for losing control like that, they had even transformed into the demon-forms, a stern voice cut through the entire scene. Students pinned themselves to the wall, trying to get as far from the fighting as possible, so they seemed to surround them like hawks, eagerly watching, waiting for the two to be punished by such a soft-spoken, angelic figure. 

Now in the doorway, however, was a man. With black hair as dark as the most inner depths of Devildom, red eyes as angry as the fire that sprouted from them, and an expression that has killed in the past, the man glared at the two, not even wanting to look in the direction of the girl in case she too saw his wrath.

“You two. With me. Now.” The words were curt and entirely ineloquent, nothing like that eldest would usually speak, showing how deeply enraged he was. The two quickly scurried after him, for once keeping their mouths shut.

~~~~~~

Biting her lip, Aviyah couldn’t take her eyes off that door, now empty after Lucifer had guided his younger brothers away. 

“It was me, wasn’t it?” She spoke loud enough for the people closest to her to hear, but a whisper full of regret did not go unnoticed. 

“What do you mean, Avi?” Simeon stepped up to try and ease the look of worry that they all saw on her face, but she stepped away, afraid for anyone to even touch her. What if he, Simeon, the nicest, most modest person she had ever met, went into a jealous rage too?

“They were fighting over me, weren’t they?”  Aviyah’s voice cracked as she clutched her fists at her sides, avoiding looking at anyone directly, scared it’ll put them under the curse she seemed to have. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want to pull families apart. She just wanted to have no one know who she was. 

“Avi,” Simeon uttered again, but it was too late. Aviyah had already made up her mind, collecting all her resolve in one solid sniff and running out of the room, hoping she could catch the brothers before something too bad happened. 

~~~~~~

“What do you think you’re doing, having a fight like that in the middle of class? Do you think it will make you seem strong? Seem manly? Because it won’t! It only makes you seem needy.” Lucifer’s booming voice shook the paintings on the walls, giving Aviyah some clue as to where he had taken the two. She followed the shouts of pain and anger, running as more and more tears grew in her eyes. She didn’t want to do what she was about to do, but she needed to. She didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. To get jealous. Not when it was all the people she actually cared about.

Finally, in an empty classroom where the shouts seemed the loudest, Aviyah found the door still open ajar, standing just out of sight so she could listen in, waiting for the right moment before anything too serious happened. If that hadn’t happened already, that is. 

“You made a fool out of me! The student council! Not only that, but you made Aviyah look so defeated! I won’t let you argue like this anymore!” Lucifer raged on with a temper that rivalled Satan’s. “I may just have to claim her myself.” 

The comment, although almost a whisper, shot everyone in hearing distance into full-blown madness, both Levi and Mammon charging at him, demanding how he thought he had the right to even suggest the idea. Before they could make contact with each other, Aviyah cried out, desperately begging them to just wait.

All attention on her now, as usual, the men’s eyes went wide. She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks at the sight of the brothers, who were always so comfortable with each other, usually so familiar, fighting like this? Over her? It broke her like it broke their relationship. 

“I can’t do this anymore. I want to go home! I’m not happy and I never was! Please! Let me go home!” She lied, straight through her teeth. She had never been happier than living here, in Devildom, with all their brothers. She enjoyed her time listening to them bicker playfully, not like they were now. She enjoyed watching Levi play his games. She enjoyed eating with Beelzebub. She enjoyed reading books with Satan. Being dressed up by Asmo. Listening to Mammon’s wild get-rich-quick-schemes. Napping with Belphie. Even with Simeon and Solomon, who she didn’t get to see as often as the others. Luke was fun to cook with- even though he seemed a little apprehensive of her. She enjoyed all her time here but right now, in times like these, when it felt like everything was her fault.

“Avi, what’re you saying?” Mammon’s voice broke, between all the yelling and the way his heart broke at her tone and words, and his brows knitted together tightly. Levi froze up, not knowing what to say in response to her sudden outcry, and Lucifer felt like he could steal her away right here and now. Never before had he felt so out of control.

“I’m sorry, It’s all my fault. I need to leave, go home. I need to get out of your lives because- because I’ll ruin them.” She hiccupped, choking on the tears that clogged her throat, and she tried to hide how sad she was by holding her face in her hands. Her knees shook, her body- just as frail as they had always suspected. It took so much energy for her to say these words and not completely breakdown.

“N-No, it’s not your fault. W-We shouldn’t have be-been fighting.” Levi made a move to step closer, to wrap his arm around her, to help her feel better, but both Mammon and Lucifer shot him a glare so deadly it made the room cold. 

“This is exactly what I’m talking about.” Aviyah continued to stutter through her words, her tears interrupting her usually melodic, smooth voice, as she felt the indignation in their eyes. 

“This always happens. It was a mistake to choose me. I... I’m going to go to Diavolo now and tell him this was wrong.” She tried to steel herself, to seem strong enough to walk through these halls alone and leave Devildom for good, but it was no use. They could all see how distraught she was.

“Always happens?” Lucifer muttered, confusion written all over his features. 

“There’s something inside me, there always has been. It makes people so hateful for one another and I can’t do that to you all. You’re a family, I won’t tear it apart. I-I need to...” Aviyah led off, not knowing what else to say. Memories of her past, all the friendships she had unknowingly, unwittingly, torn apart because of what? Because she was desirable? Because she was pretty and smart and kind? No amount of adoration was worth this. None of it.

The room was silent, deathly so, no one knew what to say. Have Levi and Mammon just ruined their chances to know such a wonderful person? And not just a person, but a human. Someone they were never meant to befriend. Someone that should fear them and hate them for who they were, for what they represented. But no, she showed them care and love and compassion, what they believed only a human could give. 

So, with no one left to tell her no, to not go and stay with them because they needed her so badly it hurt, she started to turn back to the door.

“Wait, Aviyah. Just... Just wait.” Shockingly at a lost for words, Lucifer turned to his desk, where his D.D.D laid, and picked it up. Aviyah started to refuse him, to say this was the right thing to do, this was the only way they could live calm, happy lives, but he continued to use the communication device, calling together a meeting that would change everything.

~~~~~~

“Tell them what you told me,” Lucifer instructed in Lord Diavolo’s conference room, having called a meeting of the student council together. Everyone looked at him with suspicious gazes, having no real information on why they were here, Levi and Mammon stressing out like they were about to take the most important, most difficult tests in their lives.

“Lucifer, this isn’t going to cha-.”

“Just say it.” The words were demanding, but the tone was soft, very shocking for Lucifer- until it was for Aviyah. He always seemed to have a soft spot for her. Like Mammon. Although for different reasons. 

Aviyah lowered her head, eyes still damp from her earlier confession, thinking about what she was about to say. After a brief but deep sigh, she lifted her gaze again, but only as far as the edge of the table she sat at.

“Since before I can remember, everyone I’ve met has... wanted me.” She bit her lip, not knowing how else to say it. It always felt like someone was trying to win her over, to win her as a price to show everyone else that they were the one she chose.

“No matter who it is, they say they love me or they’d do anything for me. And no matter how much I tell them to stop, they just get more outrageous. They give me elaborate gifts or take me places I wouldn’t normally go. They shower me in a love that I never asked for until they can’t anymore.” Aviyah’s voice cracked again, tears rolling down her cheeks again as she remembered the people that bankrupted themselves to win her over and the others that have lost their health, their friends, the ones who loved them, all to impress her in one way or another. 

“No matter how many times I say I don’t need it, they’ll keep doing it. It’s not until I say I don’t want them or the things they give me that they stop. I thought it’d be different when I came here, but when you guys started fighting...” Aviyah finally worked up the courage to look up, gesturing in the direction of Levi and Mammon, who blushed when she made eye contact with the both of them. 

“This is why we’re here? Because those two were acting childishly again?” Satan sighed to himself, upset that his reading time had been cut short. He wouldn’t even address the panicked feeling that arose in him when he heard the solemness of Aviyah’s tone.

“You’re almost as seductive as me, Avi! Aren’t you lucky to have so much in common with me? Someday you too might be able to bring down a country with your looks.” Asmo leaned into her, ignoring how saddened she seemed by the statment. The next move she made shocked everyone.

“I don’t want to do that! I want it to stop! I hate it and I hate myself for it!” She yelled after pushing Asmodeus so strongly off her he fell right out of his seat. Every time she brushed him off she had never actually been physical. Who was she, a human, to push off a demon? Better yet, how did she have the strength?

“Hey, did you see that?” A whispering demon mentioned to his brother, noticing the flicker of light that sparked in her eyes in her yelling. Even though her words broke their hearts, it was hard not to bring it up.

The outcry caused the prince, stern-faced compared to his usual jovial smirk, to peer at her closer. “I see. Lucifer, do you think she’s..?”

“Yes, I do. It would explain everyone’s... erratic behaviours around her.” Lucifer, not wanting the entire picture drawn out for her and his brothers, interrupted the prince. The information would be hard to hear, for Aviyah most of all, and an off-handed comment was not how he wanted to break the news to her.

“But where are her features? She’s an open-book, we would have seen something by now.” Satan, catching on, eyed her as suspiciously as he had Lucifer in the past, watching the tears roll down her cheeks as she tries to calm herself down. She never yelled like that and felt awful for what she did, but was too scared to even speak to anyone else, let alone touch or apologise to Asmo for her supposed violence. 

“Would someone tell us what’s going on? I-I mean, Levi might be confused, is all.” Not wanting to seem idiotic for asking, Mammon jumped up before shying away again, not being able to cope with the girl’s silent crying.

“Avi, it’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.” Asmo, along with Beel, tried to be some sort of caring figure in the room of inquisitive stares. 

When Beel tried to put a hand on her shoulder, she jumped away. “P-Please! Do-Don’t. I... I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“It’s possible she hasn’t been... awoken yet.” Diavolo couldn’t help but chuckle at the idea. It would be just like the innocent human, if that’s what she truly was, to not have the necessary experiences she needed in life to prove their theory correct. Lucifer couldn’t help but blush.

“Awoken?” Aviyah’s voice, now somewhat tamed but hoarse from her crying, looked up at the prince. Had he an idea? Could he cure her? Could he take away this curse, gift, whatever it was? Could he end all this?

“Well, depending on your immediate ancestry, it’s possible your power needs to be... unlocked, in a way. It’s clear you’re no mere human. You even seduced dear Barbatos, and he never even blushes at my comments.” Diavolo laughed again, gesturing with his gaze to the corner of the room where his butler was clearly fitting the urge to comfort the girl. She quickly looked right back at the prince the moment she noticed this. 

“If I’m not human, then what am I?” 

“Well, my best guess would be a succubus, but seeing as you have more human features, you could be a cambion, a hybrid. We’d have to ask your mother.” Diavolo, as usual, was much too nonchalant with the subject of Aviyah’s supposed species, a topic that would and will change her life forever.

Silence filled the air for one.

Two.

Three.

“WHAT?” Four. They made it to four seconds of silence before Mammon stood up again, shrieking, along with the female in question. Succubi and the topic of hybrids had yet to be discussed in her classes, ironically that was today’s class, but she had a clue what they were from just hearsay.

“You think I’m a demon? But I grew up in the human world! I have human par- well the people that raised me were human... But I never felt the urge to have anything in excess or trick anyone into stealing their money- sorry Mammon- but how could I be a demon?” The tears were gone, replaced with a look of pure confusion that turned to utter disbelief with a hint of ‘what if’. What if he was right?

“The people that raised you? Don’t tell me you were...”

“Adopted. I have two dads who found me on their doorstep. I have no clue who my biological parents are.” The uneasy feeling that meant Diavolo could be right started to rise as Aviyah admitted a part of her past she had never told anyone. It seemed like everything was out in the air now.

“Perfect.”

“This is a problem. Succubi and Incubi have a duty to bring all demons back to Devildom in case they go rogue in the human world. This parent of yours will have some answering to do.” Lucifer, recovered from his bashfulness in an effort to act like the vice-president he was, got furious about someone disrespecting the laws Diavolo had put in place to protect the humans he seemed to so dearly care for. “Dumping you on some couples doorstep will require some serious consequences.”

The whole room shuddered at the idea of what punishments Lucifer was thinking up at this moment, but luckily someone thought to turn the conversation away from that.

“You say she needs to be awoken? I know one way of doing that, but I don’t know… prepared for that she will be.” Satan smirked a side-eyed look Aviyah’s way as she tried to process all this information. She was a demon, or half of one anyway. To think, all those crazy white mom’s at her elementary school were right. 

“I’d be more than happy to volunteer in any way I can.” Asmo started to cosy up to Aviyah once again, making it very clear what the one way of awakening a demon seemed to be.

“No! No, that’s fine, Asmo! B-Besides, I’m not a virgin, so we’ll have to find some other way to awaken this power if you think that’s what I have.” Beetred and edging off her chair to make some distance between the flirt and herself, she almost didn’t hear the snickering from some of the other demons in the room. 

“Oh, deary me.” Asmo tittered to himself, Satan covering his mouth to try and suppress the chuckle that threatened to leave his lips. He didn’t want to make the girl more embarrassed. Mammon joined in, although much louder, just to not feel left out, and Levi blushed furiously, but he knew exactly what everyone else seemed so excited about. As usual, Beel was too distracted by the food laid out by Barbatos to care what was going on now that Aviyah was no longer crying. 

“Aviyah, I’m afraid to say it’s not the act of sex that awakens a demon… It’s the, uh.” Lucifer tried to inform her, he really did, but the stutter that threatened his usually composed manner halted him from doing so. 

“You didn’t cum, did you, Avi?” Diavolo’s brows frowned sincerely, but the wavering of his lips told her he too was trying not to laugh. Aviyah’s cheeks blossomed darker, the embarrassment from her first time flashing through her mind once again and her face screwed up in embarrassment. For her, this situation couldn’t possibly get any worse. 

“Your Highness, if you wouldn’t tease her so much, there is another way to awaken her demon form.” Barbatos, unexpectedly, intervened, shocking everyone in the room but Aviyah. He had always had a sweet spot for the huma- well, hybrid. 

“Yes, yes, Barbatos, you are right. My most sincere apologies, Avi. Lucifer, we’ll come to the House of Lamentation tonight. Prepare the Grimoire.” And with that, Diavolo stood to leave.

“And why not now? Wouldn’t it be best to do this sooner than later so she can learn to control it better?” Satan scowled, earning his own from Lucifer for being so upfront. The prince only chuckled.

“I need to do some… investigating first. You, Satan, of all people, should know what is needed for the ritual.” Satan’s brows frowned suspiciously at the prince as he made his final departure. 

“What does he mean, Satan?” Aviyah leaned into the demon’s side in order to get a clear answer for the first time today and Satan’s gaze finally left the door. 

“He needs your progenitor. He’s going to find your mother or father.”

[tirednerd2012]

Thoughts of the night: I'm 23, when internet became normality it was probs around when I was 14. That age I was "pfft this is my DOMAIN!! I know everything! Adults are worrying for NOTHING! I know the rules and the warnings, I grew with them!!" But now, today, at my 23, I look at youngers and am "BE CAREFUL YOU DIPSHIT!!! Stop looking at pron, wtf? it's not for you!!!" This came to be bc today a family moved beside my house, I saw they're son and thought "oh probably a high schooler! he's a cutie, good for him! and wow he's taller than me!" (I'm 5'10), but NOOO they're 12!!!

The make up transformation that became even more on spotlight with tik tok are now coming naturally as they grow, I mean you see CHILDS of 12yo with the bodies of a high schoolers! And it scares the crap out of me (and I know it's the heavy chemicals, fertilizers and the stuff they feed the cattle), bc that "I'm the shit and know better than adults" mentality have one more supporter, the f*cking beauty market (and the creeps from the internet, which was always a problem and worrying abt them is already implicit as common sense, thank the gods). Worse is when the adults see them and treat them as adults as well!! LET. THEM. BE. CHILDS. ...I hate this (I'm sorry for the heavy shit, but you have great opinions and points of view so I thought I'd share with you! If this is too uncomfortable with you it's okay not to answer! It was more a "pondering of the coming times")

When you can't sleep at midnight so you reply to a very true anon message.

So my cousin and I are both 22 (well I'm going to be 22 in like 2 days so I'm claiming it). We were around when the internet started to become more popular and definitely did not always have our internet regulated. We never went too far because we both grew up in a very large home with one computer. But I wish someone had talked to me and my cousins about internet safety. Also how anyone can be anyone on the internet.

When I was 16, Insta became super popular. So did Snapchat. Of course I was on these (I still have both of my accounts) but I became very insecure looking at these beauty queens. I was a child who suddenly didn't feel comfortable in my body. I didn't know how to wear makeup and I was a very modest teenager (it was just my preference to dress modestly and I'm not trying to shame girls who don't, do what you feel comfortable with). I hated looking at my own reflection because of it. Now, it didn't help that I was also being abused by a family member at this time so I was in a very vulnerable state, but I was a literal child. I would skip meals and try things I was not comfortable with.

I still struggle with this sometimes, but I have found to love myself a lot more. This wasn't because of the Internet but rather, for me, it was finding my identity in Christ and knowing I was made in God's image that really helped me feel beautiful again.

I think it's important to let the kids in our lives know internet safety and image. I know there have been instances where my cousin and I had to step in because the internet can be a dangerous and inappropriate place and we have nieces and nephews who are very young. I don't force the conversations, but rather when the situation arises, I talked to my niece about it. She is the age I was when I stopped eating and really put my body through something I shouldn't have. And the worst part is, before that, I was actually healthy. I wasn't "skinny" but I was eating right, in my weight range and I exercised a few times a week. Physically I was in good condition but I felt that since I did have a stomach, I wasn't doing something right.

Guys, I want to stress to you how important taking care of yourself is. Please don't skip meals. Be a kid as long as you can. Wear what makes you feel comfortable and be safe on the internet. I know you think it's probably fine, but don't give your name or personal information out. Be cautious when talking to people here.

Don't let the internet and social media take away from you being a kid. Obviously you can still be on here, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but remember to have discernment in situations you need to.

[musicprincess1990]

Hi, for the one word Sherlolly prompt, how about "mutual"?

This was harder than I thought it would be!  I started off with only the last sentence, and eventually, piece by piece, the rest of it filled in.  Hope it’s not too disjointed!  Thanks for the prompt!

*

Molly huffed in exasperation; of course he was here.  It seemed she could not go anywhere in London without that odious man suddenly turning up.  She could not understand how a man such as he could merit an invitation to Almack’s.  The society mothers loathed him, saying that no mother in her right mind would wish for her daughter to marry such a man. And yet, there he stood, polished and poised in his finery, looking far more handsome than he had any right to do.

Molly would never admit it to anyone, but his handsomeness was one of the reasons she disliked him.  How could a man so horrid possess such a face?  His keen eyes, a hypnotic swirl of green and blue, seemed to pierce the soul of any person who should gaze into them.  The cut of his jaw and his prominent cheekbones sent wild, wanton fantasies through her head.  And oh, those lips... just the thought of kissing those full, lush lips set her blushing like a fool.

However, despite her attraction to him, one had only to speak with the man for a few, brief moments to realize that he was no gentleman.

Her skin crawled even now as she recalled that first meeting...

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr. Holmes,” she smiled cheerfully.  “My cousin has told me of your adventures in London.”

The man scoffed, rolling his eyes for good measure.  “Stamford is prone to exaggeration and over-exuberance, and has a knack for missing the most important details. I should think his retellings woefully inadequate.”

Molly blinked in surprise, then gave over to indignation.  “I-I beg your pardon?”

“I will not repeat myself, Miss Hooper” he sneered.  “My ‘adventures,’ as you called them, are not the business of anyone but myself, least of all a plain, stammering country mouse with a head full of fancy and a decided lack of wit.”

The sound of her hand striking his face seemed to echo, even in the small, modest parlor of her cousin’s home.  A hush washed over the party, and all eyes were trained on them.  Molly’s face grew warm at being the center of attention, but she refused to cower before him.  Tears welled in her eyes as she held his surprised gaze.

“How dare you?” she breathed, her voice low and unusually even.  “How can you say such horrible things?  Have you no shame, Mr. Holmes?”  She shook her head, not allowing him time to form an answer.  “You haven’t, have you?  No sense of what your words might leave in your wake.”

She brazenly stepped forward, and his eyes widened a fraction, but he did not move.  Craning her head to continue holding his gaze, she whispered the parting blow: “One day, Mr. Holmes, you will find yourself entirely alone because of your cruelty, and you will wish you might have behaved more like the gentleman you claim to be.”

Molly had never done something so bold in her life, and she recalled the sheer exhaustion that had set in the moment she reached her room.  And since that night, she had taken pains to avoid the horrid man, although fate, with her cruel sense of humor, seemed keen to throw him into every situation in which she found herself.  She had nearly crossed paths with him every day for the past week, only just managing to escape each time.  Even now, she considered how and when she might make her excuses, but her heart weighed heavy at the thought of leaving her first ball at Almack’s. It’s not fair, she moaned petulantly in her head.

“Molly!” a familiar voice called, and she turned to see her dear friend Mary Morstan approaching.

“Mary!” she beamed, her displeasure nearly forgotten as she embraced her friend.  “How wonderful to see a familiar face!”

The women smiled at another, then linked arms and took to walking around the edge of the vast ballroom.  Mary chatted with exuberance, telling Molly of the handsome doctor she had met the night before, and hoped to meet again tonight.  And fate, it seemed, was very much in Mary’s corner… but decidedly not in Molly’s.  Within only a few minutes, they had indeed met with Dr. Watson, who was in attendance with his closest friend… Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

A stream of words terribly unfit for a lady poured through Molly’s head as she saw him.  Her throat closed in dread, and she cast her eyes about, hoping to find some escape, but none came.  With an inward sigh, she resigned herself to her fate.

“Miss Morstan!” the cheerful doctor greeted her as they neared.  “Lovely to see you again!”

“And you, Dr. Watson,” she smiled in reply.  “May I introduce my friend, Miss Margaret Hooper?”

The customary bow and curtsy were exchanged. “A pleasure, Miss Hooper.”

“Likewise,” she said in a small voice.

The doctor half-turned toward Mr. Holmes, with the intent of making his own introductions, but before he could speak, Mr. Holmes said, “Miss Hooper and I have already met.”

“Have you?” Dr. Watson faced her again, eyebrows raised.

Her face turned scarlet.  “Yes, we… met at a dinner party hosted by my cousin, Mr. Stamford.”

“Stamford is your cousin?” he asked, his surprise increased.  “Good heavens, what a small world we live in!  I studied with Stamford at Cambridge, more years ago than I care to admit.  I should like to renew our acquaintance, is he here tonight?”

Molly nodded once.  “Yes, sir, though I’m afraid I’m not entirely sure where.”

Dr. Watson chuckled.  “Very easy to lose someone in a crush like this.  Well, it was lovely to meet you, but if you will permit, I would very much like to steal Miss Morstan for a dance.”

“Certainly, Dr. Watson,” Molly beamed, and away they went.

It was only after the music began that she remembered that Mr. Holmes still stood nearby.  She glanced up at him, then gave a start at the realization that he was watching her.  Nervously, she smoothed her skirt, her hair, her gloves, anything that did not involve looking at him.

“Would you care to dance, Miss Hooper?”

Her eyes snapped up to meet his in bewilderment.  “What?” she blurted out, too stunned to think much of manners and propriety.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked again.

Molly stared for a moment.  “Why?”

A small, confused pucker formed between his eyebrows.  “‘Why’?  Because I would like to dance with you.  Is that truly so difficult to comprehend?”

“Yes,” she answered without delay.

Mr. Holmes sighed, but rather than exasperation, she saw… remorse?  “Miss Hooper, I am sorry for the way I spoke to you before.  I was wholly out of line, and I am ashamed to think of it.  I would like to make amends, which I am sure will take some time, but I hoped a dance might be an initial step in the right direction.”

He met her eyes, a look of boyish vulnerability shining through them.  For a moment, she was lost in their mercurial depths, mesmerized by the swirl of ever-changing color.  Still half-ensconced in her stupor, she again spoke bluntly.  “I find you exceedingly puzzling, Mr. Holmes.”

A smile curved his lips, and the effect it had on her was startling.  Her entire body grew warm, and she was certain a flush had spread from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes.  Mr. Holmes held out a hand to her, and she took it mindlessly, staring at his beautiful face, utterly entranced.

“I can assure you, Miss Hooper,” he said, leading her to join the dance, “the feeling is decidedly mutual.”

[docholligay]

kumeko replied to your photo “Holy jumped up Jesus fuck.  What an amazing fucking opener. This is...”

Tracer? If I remember correctly she dies in your timeline.

These will probably be my last words. 

Well, to you, at least. I don’t doubt that I’ll have more than enough to say before I slip off, but as it’s coming soon enough, I wanted to get this down for you. I won’t get to meet you, and that’s a shame. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to tell you something. 

It’s also a bit hard to figure out what you want someone’s first and last impression of you to be, really.   I don’t know how much anyone will have told you about me. I don’t how much you’ll know on your own. If you spend any time with Winston, and I hope you have, I’m sure you’ll know more about me than you ever wanted to.

I went into the Royal Air Force when I was eighteen years old. It was the only thing I’d ever wanted to do, since I was a little girl was be a fast-jet pilot. I was alright at it. Excellent, actually, no need to be modest now. I got invited to be part of the test for Overwatch’s Air Division. 100 of us, round the world, and I was one of 5 pilots chosen. 

It doesn’t matter how little you know about me, you must know that I had a bit of misfortune. It did change my life. Rather seriously. But it didn’t end it, and that’s what I want to tell you. 

Right, that is a fair point, I suppose at the end of the day it did literally end my life, but I don’t know that it would have had it not been for the run in with Moira, and anyway, love, I’m going for a metaphorical sort of thing here. 

What I mean is, I was stripped of my pilot’s license, because my disability made me a liability. I was given a bloody paper-pushing job mostly on the idea that it would be bad press to discharge me when I wanted to work. When I’d fought to come back. 

I used to ride roller coasters to try to get just a little bit of that feeling, from a jet. 

Anyhow, what I mean to say is (Being as I’ll be dead I don’t know if you’ll hear anything ill of me but you can ask Fareeha any day if it took me this long to get to the point, often, and if she says no I want you to tell her Lena called her a fucking liar) I had to live my life so far outside of my plan, but I did it, and I found real happiness there. I found such wonderful friends, who became part of my family, and I did good things, and all of that came because of a terrible time in my life. Where I lost everything I meant to have. 

The world is a bright and beautiful and wonderful place, and I can tell you that at the end of it, even as I’ve been a bit ill, even as I know I have not much time left here. There is so much happiness, and sometimes all you have to do is turn your face to the sun. It can be dark, but we can light a candle, right? Let yourself find that light, and look for it. 

I can’t teach you these things myself, and it grieves me a bit. 

If your mother (the Egyptian one) listened to me at all, and I do know, love, that I have little guarantee of that, but we do what we can, you’ll be about seventeen now. I have no idea who you’ll be, really. But if you’re anything like your Egyptian mum, I want to tell you that it’s all right if things don’t go according to plan. It happens. It even happened to your mum, she just forgets. Likes rules. If you’re anything like your Swiss mum, I know you can feel overwhelmed by it all. Have trouble getting out of your sadness. I want to remind you that cats are still soft and the fog still looks like magic when it rolls in at night, and it’s been my experience that remembering those small things guides you through. 

Maybe you’ll be like neither of them. Or both of them. I don’t know. But I do know that I would have loved you, and I would have enjoyed spending my time with you so much. I’m terribly sorry I can’t be there, Avital. And that all you have of me is this letter. 

It’s time now, to go out into the world, and do your best. I know your mums, they would have taught you well. Remember what I told you, and that in whatever way I can be, I’m there with you. I do love you. Even from here. 

Do good.

Lena. 

P.S. If ever you think of me, and want to honor my memory, buy an entire book series or something, but all different editions, and put them on your shelf out of order. It’ll make Fareeha absolutely mad every time she sees it, it’ll be just as if I’m there. 

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; even if i am fooling myself, my feelings are true . (4)

word count: 5.3k

pairing: origami cyclone | ivan karelin / gn!reader

genre: hurt/comfort

summary: even if he was lying to you by pretending to be your lover, he told himself it was worth it. it made you happy. it helped you. he’s helping you. this ruse is only done in good faith. 

if it were to make you smile, if it were to help you brighten up, then all his lies and deceptions could be forgiven, he rationalised.

a/n:  this chapter do be monologue city,,,

i have arthritis i would like a refund for my bones.

the hero knows he promised to see you again the next day, but it’s been a few days now since he has last seen you. you must be back at home by now. alone. were you okay? he can’t help but feel worried about you due to your limited mobility. guilt stings even more painfully now that he had calmed down. he has virtually subjected you to a prolonged radio silence after leaving abruptly.

and he still needed to tell you the truth...

the hero had put off meeting you again, because it meant seeing you again. it meant he had to tell you the truth. it meant he’d no longer be able to meet you.

he chastised himself. what was expecting? really, what did he expect to happen? he berated himself, guilt clawing at him. what was he doing, impersonating your lover? he felt ill. he should’ve stopped meeting you after that campaign ended. but for reasons that escaped him, he continued. was it selfishness? was it greed? what pushed him to continue? whatever had happened, it wasn’t supposed to. he was just supposed to check in on you, make sure you’re getting on well, and move on in his life. he was supposed to stay neutral, indifferent, objective. you were just any other stranger that he would help throughout his career as a hero. but you had been so lovely and so unassuming that he must’ve…? without realising it, he had gotten himself too involved and was now in too deep, allowing his shameful self to form feelings for your kind and beautiful self. trying to distance himself from you to no avail, he found himself uselessly fighting feelings that have sprouted without his permission. he was fighting a losing battle, and a war that wasn’t tilting into his favour. he had hoped that these stubborn feelings would disappear, hopefully sooner rather than later, but it seemed that they refused to leave him alone.

the blond let out a harsh sigh. he’s noticed he has been doing that a lot, much more that usual. when it went well it went wonderfully, sublime; when it went badly it went awfully, dreadful.

he can’t keep going like this.

it’s not fair for you.

it’s not fair for him.

he can’t lead you on, and he can’t continue to delude himself.

each step he took to your residence were heavier than the last. listlessly, he dragged his feet. it had rained last night, making this walk even more unpleasant and gloomy. concluding what was both the slowest and fastest walk he had ever had the displeasure of taking, he lifted his gaze off of the pavement to take in your house. it was superficially identical to the other houses in the neighbourhood, but then again, houses in this district of the bronze stage often looked the same. it was a modest one-storey house, which felt anything but modest. it looked oppressive, intimidating. it terrified him. what was in store for him within those walls terrifying him further.

knowing that simply anticipating would do him no good, ivan shook his head, trying to shake his nervousness away, to no avail. he tried willing his legs to move, to get closer to your house, with no success. fixed in place, immobilised by dread. he stood idle, head turned down, in front of your home for what felt like an eternity, surprised that you hadn’t noticed the stranger in front of your property first.

he sighed.

the pathetic puddle by his feet reflected an even more pathetic him.

he stared silently at kotetsu’s reflection under him: « you’ve gotta tell them. they deserve to know. ». with a disappointed sigh, he gazed back at the small pool who gazed back with his disappointing face. he, “kotetsu”, had told himself to tell you the truth. but did he have the courage to?

no longer able to bear taylor’s silent judgement, ivan lifted his head and slowly climbed up the front steps to your front door.

the puddle, murky as it always was, remained as unbothered as it had always been.

his finger hovered over the doorbell. did he have the courage to? he bit his lips hard enough to draw blood. could he meet your eyes? momentarily retracting his hand, he resisted submitting to his anxiety and willed himself to push the bell.

ivan could hear the ringing echoing inside your walls.

and then silence.

one beat.

two beat.

then another.

were you not home?

you always had very quiet steps, he told himself. everything is ok.

his knee jerk reaction to the prolonged silence was to take it as a sign that today wasn’t the day. a message from a power above telling him that he can postpone it for another day… whenever that other day was. his usual reaction would be to take this as an opportunity to throw in the towel and go home. but for you (and for himself), he’ll fight his impulse to cower away.

but still… this silence was slightly concerning.

had something happened to you?

the hero’s mind jumped through different conclusions to rationalise your lack of response.

maybe you went out…

maybe you weren’t awake…

what if you had hurt yourself and couldn’t get bac—

he reached out to ring the doorbell yet again, but stopped halfway as the door creaked open.

« how can i help y— taylor? » you had sounded as surprised to see him as he was to you.

oh. you were ok. he breathed out in relief. you were ok.

« please, come in, you offered, moving out of the way. sorry to make you wait, i wasn’t… i wasn’t expecting to see you… sorry about the mess… you mumbled. »

the hero gulped, fighting the fear that rose up within him from hearing the door click closed behind him. he can’t run away. no going back now: he had to tell you the truth. taking his mind off of his nerves, he decided to look around and observe the interior of your house. you said “mess” but the house is more or less in order, unless you were referring to the few stacks of books that littered your house. still... he struggled to call it a mess, as the odd misplaced books here and there didn’t even feel out place within your humble abode: it blended with the other decor into the stylish deep green walls and light brown tiles. the only thing he could qualify as being messy would be the light covering of dust that was slowly gathering on some of the furniture’s surface, along with the few papers and knickknacks strewn about, but they were out of the way enough that nothing ever seemed cluttered.

to his delight, the curios have all been of japanese origins, from the hand fans (« an ōgi! » he noted excitedly.) to the rough stacks of woodblock prints (« where did they get so many ukiyo-e prints? » he asked himself.). in fact, closer inspection would suggest that quite a few of the furnishings decorating your house were japanese in nature: the tapestry hung on your wall (he was sure those were called a tenugui.), the forgotten matcha tea set on the kitchen counter (« there was even a chasen?! »), and the japanese pottery and porcelain safely tucked into a glass cupboard (he wonders if he could get the opportunity to use the hagi ware chawan amongst the set.). he had to stop himself from literally beaming in excitement and dashing to ogle the wares. who would’ve known you’d have such a collection in your house? he needed to calm down, lest he attracted your suspicion, and swallowed his bubbling elation.

he followed your lead to wherever you were walking back to, inquisitively taking in his surroundings, distracting his mind from his previous anxieties.

« i, uh… no one’s been home since i went to the hospital. you walked back towards your open living room. and i’ve kinda been putting off cleaning. you laughed. – don’t worry about it… he assured you, still taking in this unknown territory. »

briefly, he let his attention back to you and to where you walked: to your open living room, which was connected to your kitchen. further to the side, he could see the stairs that led to your suspended bedroom. it seemed that this house had more or less the same make and architecture as tiger’s apartment, though with drastically different decor, he noted. though with more than less difficulty, you managed to get around your house just fine. despite your pronounced limp you continued at a regular, albeit slowed, pace. your gait was sometimes slowed by the fact that you sometimes had to hang on some of the fittings to maintain your balance and ivan had to fight the urge to rush over and help you walk.

you probably wouldn’t like for him to encroach on your newfound autonomy, he figured.

after finally reaching the living room, you had carefully sat yourself down on the floor in front of the coffee table. noticing the crafting papers and shavings surrounding where you sat, he thoughtlessly asked: « were you making something? no wonder you took a bit to respond. i’m sorry for interrupting you... – mhm, i’m just making menko cards. you elaborated as you carefully positioned your impaired leg. and it’s alright, you couldn’t have known. – menko cards? his interest was piqued. – yeah, just thought it would be fun, you shrugged. wanna help? – sure! he answered delightedly, failing to hide the eagerness in his voice. i mean, why not… you just laughed at his childlike enthusiasm. – i’d really appreciate it you could help me cut out the picture, you asked. »

he eased himself down next to you, trying his hardest not to appear bothered by your proximity. everything is ok. he’ll help you in this last activity. because it had interested him. because he wanted to treasure the last moments he got to spend with you. the very last. he doesn’t like the finality of that, but the truth had to be said. guilt stung like an open wound whenever he remembered that he was lying to you. he wouldn’t be mad if you condemned him for “exploiting” you. if he were to tell you the truth there was no way you’d forgive him, much less continue to seek out his affection. your resentment would be well deserved, even if the thought of being disliked by you hurt him.

his despair grew as he thought of the aftermath. it would leave him heartbroken, but what about you? you would’ve been deceived, not once but twice: by both he and your former lover. he really didn’t think this decision through, did he? this was a selfish and cruel scheme to begin with. just a misguided attempt to assist someone who didn’t even asked for his assistance. he doesn’t want to doubt your resilience, but surely, if he came clean you’d be deeply saddened and devastated again… he didn’t want to be the reason you felt lost again and returned to being miserable. he didn’t want to be the cause of your melancholy, the cause of a relapse. but that was exactly what he was going to cause you, wasn’t it? he was the cause of your grief and strife.

if this ended with him broken-hearted, he’d end up shattering whatever had remained of yours and leave you inconsolable.

this was a mistake. he’d caused you more pain than solace. this was a mistake. lies and sweet words aren’t what would have saved you. they weren’t what you needed. this was a mistake.

what would he even say? a “sorry” wouldn’t suffice. not even the sincerest apology would fix this. those words would only hurt you more.

he made his bed, now he had to lay in it. if only he never roped you into this.

spirit down again, he sighed and looked upon the table to tackle his newly appointed objective. a sharp contrast from the rest of your orderly home, the table was cluttered with random bits of paper and cardboard (both circular and rectangular, of various sizes), different crafting materials like scissors and box cutters, and hero related paraphernalia.

« people don’t usually make menko cards… he muttered. why not just buy the hero cards (‘my own are still collecting dust aren’t they…’)? he quizzed, flipping around a finished card of himself. despite his doubting tone, he carefully placed the work back down and got to cutting the few images off of few magazine pages. – that would be too easy. you shrugged. besides, i was planning to gift them to my niece. the bugger has bought everything i could find, and well… afford, in the shops. you admitted. – that makes sense… he replied, focusing on the task at hand. – the rascal loves all of this hero stuff but she absolutely loves sky high, you chuckled. it’s all she talks about. it’s like she lives and breathes the guy, said she wanted to be a hero and help people like he did. » you pretended to be annoyed, but he could hear the fondness in your voice. even though he’s supposed to start distancing himself from you, to start preparing himself for the upcoming heartbreak, he can’t help but continue to be endeared by you.

this was all so… incredibly mundane. everything just felt so incredibly ordinary. your interactions, the things you did together. it’s like it’s always been this way. the things you spoke about, and even the silence that you would share. there was always a certain comfort to be had together. it’s like this was normal, and he was the one you were always with. it’s like this was a routine. who knows, maybe in a different world, one where you two had met through different circumstances, maybe the two of you would’ve gotten together, he mused. but he had already ruined any chance of that he concluded. maybe had your lives gone a different way… maybe in another lifetime.

maybe this life wasn’t the one he was supposed to meet you in.

you sighed, straightening your back, before curling over your work once more: « sky high’s power is wind manipulation right? you pursed your lips. if i had that kind of power, i’d just spend most of my day flying to places. can you imagine? never having to put up with traffic? you rambled thoughtlessly. »

unbeknownst to you, ivan’s mind wandered back to a few years ago when he learnt that without the involvement of his custom made jetpacks sky high’s power could only allow him to float, and fought to stifle the laugh that crept up his throat. oblivious, you asked, sounding half-curious half-bored as you continued to abuse the material under your hands: « hey love, if you could have any next power in the world, what would you pick? »

ivan tilted his head towards you, and let his hand drop back down on the carpeted floor. change his ability for a different one? any kind at all? he took the time to ponder it, seriously considering the question. of course, he admired kotetsu’s and barnaby’s hundred power, but could he really utilise that correctly, what with the constraints? what about edward’s power? he had an actual chance to be a hero with his ability… or even lunatic and his fearsome control over his devastating blue flames. if he could use that for good? to help people? there were too many different abilities, each one more capable than the one he actually possessed.

« hmm… i guess… anything that’s useful; something that can be used to help others. he answered truthfully. i’m sorry, that must’ve been really vague. he laughed nervously. you shook your head with a smile. – that’s very noble of you, you praised as you continued working. truthfully, i envy your integrity. you confessed. – mm? why is that? what next power would you have chosen? he inquired. – oh, like if i had a second next power? you replied absentmindedly, focused on a particularly stubborn piece of cardboard which refused to cut. »

wait. did he hear that right?

« are… are you a next? » he asked, sounding something like perturbed.

« hmm? »

« is there something you’r… »

there wasn’t any need to elaborate: your face had said it all. like a criminal caught red-handed, your expression was the perfect picture of shock. he would even think you were scandalised. you pressed your lips into a thin line, eyebrows knitted in dismay.

« must’ve be a freudian slip… » you tried to laugh, neither of you amused. « it’s really nothing noteworthy or important— » you started on a lie, but grimaced slightly.

catching unto your tic, he pleaded, voice serious: « tell me the truth… please… »

you shifted in you seat uncomfortably, eyes dashing across your room looking at everything except his eyes. you were deeply aware of the eyes laser-focused on you, locked onto you to the point where you swore it could bore through you. you sighed and resigned yourself to telling him the truth. the entire truth, and nothing but the truth. it’s not like you could lie to his face: « before i tell you, do you promise not to leave before i finished explaining everything? you opened your mouth and closed them again. you’re free to hate me all you want, but please don’t… you turned away and bit your lips. »

he didn’t know what to anticipate. was your ability that alarming? he nodded, preparing himself for… whatever you were going to reveal to him.

« it’s honestly nothing incredible… you started. i couldn’t be a hero with it… i swear. it’s... you paused, as you tried to find the right words to divulge your ability. the right words to explain it clearly without making it into a fuss.

lie detection, you said, plainly, without much relish or fanfare. um... my ability only allows me to see through lies, or anything meant to deceive: lies, half-truths, manipulations, omission of detail… you hesitated. illusions.

i guess, neither of you ever noticed… they, um, taylor, didn’t know either… »

it’s shocking how easily this fabricated world crumbled.

you knew? what do you mean?? ivan had sat facing you, frozen in place. by fear, confusion, apprehension. he felt embarrassed, ashamed. were you just playing along to spare his feelings? he really should’ve told you earlier. look at where his inaction led him.

he should’ve been the one who came clean, instead of forcing you to tell the truth on his behalf.

« how long…? half wanting and not wanting to know the truth. he had a guess. if what you had said was true then... how long have you known? »

still not facing him, you cast your gaze downwards, clasping your hands together: « since the first time… when i saw you, i knew you weren’t the real taylor and just assumed it was you, origami. what with your involvement during the campaign and all... i’m guessing i’ve assumed correctly?

the hero sat motionless, but made no attempt to disprove your assumption. if what you had said about your ability was true, then there would be no point to lying.

at first i really… didn’t understand why you kept visiting me, as my former partner no less. i still don’t, for that matter… though i’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have good intentions. i knew it was you, so i was a bit standoffish and suspicious when we first met… i thought you wanted to take advantage of me while i was helpless to stroke your own ego, or conduct some sort of ploy to boost your own popularity. i’m... really sorry for assuming something like that about you… i’m not sure where i got that idea as you never seemed to be that kind of person... you had been so sincere when i asked why you kept visiting me and kept pretending… well not pretending, you seemed to have genuinely cared about me, that i guess i started to drop my guard and trusted you.

your eyes were tinged with a sadness and confusion that he wished to get rid of, but it was no longer his place. it never was his place. you shook your head.

i’m really sorry. i really truly am for not letting you know sooner instead of letting it go this far… at first i… i played along because i didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or feel humiliated by revealing that i could see through your disguise, and i wanted to wait for you to come clean first. but i guess… somewhere along the lines you’ve become a part of my routine and i’ve become quite fond of spending my time with you. of you. you quickly added. i know that i was going through a vulnerable moment of my life, which may have made me too trusting, but i really mean it: i’m really happy that i met you that day. i know you were just playing your role and that nothing ever meant anything… and i’m aware that you could’ve just… up and left whenever you got tired of dealing with my crap. even though it’s all fake, i’ve really enjoyed the time we got to spent together and i’m really happy i got to be with you. i’m really happy for being able to get to know you as a person, origami. »

you tried to smile to convey your gratefulness, but it came out wrong. it wavered and was visibly bittersweet. as you said that, your voice held such remorsefulness that baffled him. it was his fault in the first place, trapping the both of you in a punishment of his own creation. he should be the one apologising to you, he should be the one begging you for forgiveness as he explained himself. he should be the one who told you the truth. you had every reason to feel disgusted by him and hate him, and yet, here you were putting yourself down for his sake.

you were slightly surprised when you heard him respond, his voice no longer bearing that confident tone and smooth accent that you had recognised to be taylor’s. instead it was the boyish voice you had come to know was origami cyclone’s. but this time, it was devoid of any energy and lacked the boisterous intonation that often accompanied his words: « no, i- i’m the one who should apologise: i should’ve been the one to tell you the truth… if anyone should feel angry or betrayed, it should be you… i was the one who decided to set this all up after all…

after facing you, it was his turn to look away, avoiding your gaze.

i didn’t mean let it go this far … lying to you to this extent and for this long… but of course, i allowed it to get out of hand… i’m sorry, i should’ve told you sooner, if i ever made you uncomfortable at any point during this whole mess i’m really sorry. i... it was stupid. you never reached out for help and i’m sure you would’ve gotten through this just fine by yourself. my intent was never to manipulate you for my own gain or to use you… i had wanted to help you, naively thinking that i could fix you… it was selfish of me to just force my way into your life and help you, even though you never asked for mine. it was foolish to think i could just… pull the wool over your eyes like that, and it was unfair to you.

the blond considered stopping there, allowing a tangible silence, even more oppressive than the tension, to invade the room. should he tell you? should he…? he tried his best to summon a renewed determination. it was high time that he was honest to you, he told himself. honest to you. honest to himself, as well.

i suppose it’s pointless to lie to you, so i’ll tell you the truth: i... i— the circumstances in which we met were less than ideal, and i wished that we could’ve gotten to know each other differently, but… during the course of… whatever it is we had, i had stupidly hoped that the closeness i felt between us wasn’t imagined, and that you felt the same affection for me as i did for you.

despite his fear, he dared himself to turn back to where you had sat, bracing himself for what your eyes held. will it be repulsion? hostility? regret? vilification? he was scared, but even so he faced them.

my appearance may have not been mine, but my actions were. you’re free to doubt the validity of my words, but… even though i was pretending to be someone else i- my feelings are true. »

finding himself surprised for the umpteenth time that day, you fully turned to face him. you didn’t seem to be reacting badly, but you weren’t reacting much at all. you simply sat there, stunned at his display of honesty. were you combing through his words to detect any possible lies? he figured he deserved that level of distrust, after doing nothing but lie to you. he knows he shouldn’t feel so relieved when he wasn’t even in the clear yet, but at least you weren’t reacting badly and he was infinitely grateful for your seemingly infinite graciousness.

finally, you seemed to have recovered your voice: « i believe you. »

three words. three simple words that managed to lift all the weight off of his shoulders. you believed him. he didn’t deserve your forgiveness, and yet you gave it to him freely.

« could i see… no, nevermind. you had retracted your hesitant request. i’ve already made you go through too much for my sake. i’m grateful for being able to see you, regardless of who you look like. »

he shook his head, relenting: « you deserve to know the truth. it’s the least i could do after everything i made you endure… » with a blue flash, “taylor” disappeared. in their place was a young man with a mop of unruly blond hair. he fidgeted nervously with his hands under the baggy purple varsity jacket he wore, which coupled with his hunched posture, made him look smaller than he probably was. his striking and alluring purple eyes seemed to be permanently locked into an expression of worry and refused to meet your eyes. « i’m sorry… i’m probably way off from what you expected... » he muttered, dejectedly.

not expecting any sort of positive reaction for his underwhelming appearance, he turned his amethyst eyes elsewhere. he waited for your reaction, anticipating the worst. always anticipating the worst.

in one swift motion, you reached out to embrace him tightly. his body tensed up, having been caught off guard by the sudden affectionate gesture. his hands dropped from their hovering around your form as his wide eyes ran wildly across the room before they returned to settle on you. confusion laced his voice as he softly called out your name. he didn't know what to do with his arms as you wrapped your arms around him ever so gently. should he return… your gesture? but his arms laid uselessly next to him, still too stunned by your response.

yet again, he felt that same tingly feeling where you held him. the warmth that you brought to him reawakened those butterflies, making him feel light and fuzzy. is this ok? is feeling like this ok? is liking you ok?

« stop saying stuff like that about yourself, origami… you keep underselling yourself. you’re incredible, you’re kind, and yet you’re humble. your voice was soft as you spoke. i wasn’t just waxing poetics when i praised you, not just lip service to appeal to you because i could see behind your trick. i meant it when i said i admired you. even before i met you, i’ve admired you. »

you pulled away, if only to place your hands on either side of his face and to lift his eyes, making him face you, properly face you, for the first time in a long time. he was taken aback by how gentle and soft your gaze was. who were those kind eyes for? surely not him. he didn’t deserve such honest adoration. there was no reason for admiration, contentment, or appreciation to have their eyes on him. and yet, those compassionate eyes continue to gaze back at him. your beautiful eyes continued to look back at his own dull eyes.

was this really ok after everything he put you through? was it really ok to derive so much comfort from your hold?

you hoped your continued eye contact conveyed your sincerity.

« origami, you’re one of the most selfless and brave person i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing, and now i’ve come to learn that you’re handsome to boot. you never cease to amaze me in the best way possible, and im so so grateful that you’re still here ori— finally waking from his daze and regaining some semblance of control over his limbs, he moved his arm to return your hold and wrapped them closely around you. he allowed the warmth he felt to fully consume him and buried his face in the crook of your neck, trying to get as physically close to you as possible. – ivan. he whispered in your ear, almost afraid. – ivan…? you echoed. – … my name is ivan. – is that so? then... thank you, ivan. thank you so so much. thank you for being here for me. thank you for everything. »

he knows now with certainty that he adores the way his name sounded with your voice. he couldn’t see your face from the position you were in, but he could imagine your captivating smile. the same one he adored so much. your careful hands had traveled to his head, stroking his hair, playing with an errant lock, and he adores your touch.

the small kindling that you had lit turned into a newfound courage that consumed him like wildfire. this unwanted and foolish adoration he held for you had proven itself to be phoenix, renewing itself as heartfelt and profound.

if you had allowed it, then he’s sure it was ok to be like this. to like being with you.

he adored you. and he hopes you adored him in kind.

« i— »

as he was about to say something, his communicator beeped relentlessly and he has never hated that sound more in his life until now. taken slightly by surprise, you both let go of each other and looked confused at each other—though he was intimately aware of where you rested your hands when you let go of each other: one on his shoulder, the other one on his hip. the latter of which he thoughtlessly gripped with his free hand, keeping it in place, not willing to part from you quite yet. not willing to let go quite yet. he whipped his right hand up, fumbling between taking this call and apologising to you for having interrupted what had been a very pleasant moment, the unexpected call flustering him. up until now, it had never annoyed him quite to this extent. he grumbled something you didn’t quite catch. his gaze flicked back and forth, from you, to his communicator, back to you.

he needed to take this, he needed to be there for agnes’ briefing. it was time sensitive, but so was the thing he wanted to tell you. he was torn: he needed to tell you something. he needed to answer before his employer forcefully answered his call for him and intruded.

« i… »

the indecision was clear in his eyes, so instead you made the choice for him: « it’s alright, go. »

you let your hand trail up his jaw, and placed it there. his attention was immediately brought back to you and the pleasant buzzing that often followed your touch. you smiled as you felt his hand follow your own and moved to rest it atop yours.

« i’ll be cheering for you, love. »

a/n:  might fuck around and make a fluffy sequel who knows

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