#and i have zero recollection of ever starting it

[radiant-reid]

Reunion

Summary: JJ never knew you were dating one of her teammates and that you broke up because of her, but seeing him at JJ's wedding years later changes things.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Angst then smutttt)

Content Warning: 18+ Smut (oral- f receiving, fingering, unprotected sex, a little bit of a breeding kink)

Word Count: 2.1k

"So, how's mystery boy?"

After skipping your usual Tuesday night plans twice, thanks to JJ being away on cases, you're finally back in your best friend's living room having a glass of wine and a cheese platter.

It's been an abnormal amount of time to go without seeing each other since you both ended up in DC after moving out of East Allegheny to different colleges. Even with men in the mix now, you both make it a priority to see each other as often as possible. However, her busy schedule and frequent flights to New Orleans have meant you've spent some time apart.

Unknown to her, she knows the so-called mystery boy. Very well, in fact. "He's well." You say slyly, unable not to grin widely.

JJ throws her head back dramatically. "Come on, Y/n! Some detail would be nice."

"It's good." You try again. "He's the sweetest. I'm very happy."

She smirks, letting you know an interesting question is coming your way. "How's the sex?"

It never takes more than a glass of wine for her to be that loose. You don't miss a beat in your answer. "Fabulous."

"Okay, so can I meet him soon?" She pushes like she has been for quite some time.

You wonder what she would think. What would her expression do if you were to say his name out loud right here? Maybe it's not that deep but getting with JJ's closest colleague is dangerous. It was a concern at the start, a reason not to start, but you fell in love with Spencer Reid quicker than you could ever imagine.

"Sure, JJ." You agree, trying to look positively about it. You can only assume she's thinking about the worst possible scenario about your mystery man. He's a criminal or he's far too old for you or he's an ex you promised not to get back with. There are too many options.

She looks triumphant. "Yes!"

You just smile, sending the conversation in a different direction by asking about her boyfriend. He sounds like a great guy and you can tell she's happier than ever before.

Three months ago you met Spencer Reid. It was JJ's birthday and your duty as her best friend to throw her a fun surprise party. That took some coordination with a friend from work. Firstly, that was Penelope, but in order to lure JJ, you needed Spencer Reid. He was a little slow with replying to your texts, but lovely. And after you met him, you were hooked.

Spencer was perfect. Gorgeous, funny, intelligent. His incredible shyness had you confused when he asked you out for dinner the next morning.

Too many espresso martinis provide an explanation for why JJ has no recollection of you flirting with him all night.

You see Spencer as much as you can, but similar to JJ's, his schedule often doesn't allow for consistent visits. So whatever time you do have, you make the most of it. He's still the most amazing boyfriend you've had. Kind, caring, witty, fun, and playful.

He gets whisked away on a case to Miami not long after being home. You didn't know things would be so different the next time you saw him.

He goes quiet on you. You know their cases are intense but you haven't heard from him in an entire week and that's not right.

Can I come over? He finally texts you and you're guessing he's back in DC.

It sounds a little ominous and the message sends a chill down your spine. Sure. I can't wait to see you. There isn't a reply and you sit in limbo in your apartment for almost an hour before he knocks at the door.

You smile when you open it, although you're slightly annoyed there was zero communication or ETA from him. "Hey, Spence, how was it?"

"You knew." He says in a cold, accusatory tone. It's nothing you've ever heard from him.

"Sorry?" You repeat, moving to the side so he can come into your apartment.

He steps in, barely looking at you. "About JJ and Will." He explains.

A little frown takes over your expression. Surely he's not angry that he only just found out. An awkward laugh leaves your lips. "Sorry, Spence. She didn't want anyone knowing."

"I'm your boyfriend!" He exclaims. "You're not supposed to lie to me."

"I didn't." You join the offensive, crossing your arms. You're not enthused about what he's accusing you of. It wasn't even your secret to tell him.

He looks disappointed, face dropping. "Come on." He sighs. "How am I meant to be with you if you don't trust me enough to tell me who our friend is dating?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell." You try to talk some reason into him, pushing down that sick feeling in your stomach telling you that he's breaking up with you.

Spencer shakes his head, his decision- as much as it's killing him- completely made. "I can't do this."

His words make your world come crashing down and you almost can't believe it. You slump to the couch while he makes his way to the door with sad, slow footsteps.

He's looking at you, waiting for you to ask him to say. "Can we not tell JJ?" You ask softly.

"Fine." That's the last thing he tells you before walking out the door, shutting it firmly.

That's it.

The last thing Spencer tells you.

Then he's gone from your life. You talk about him less to JJ and she picks up on what happened and stops asking about him.

You expect to see him when Henry's born, or even at a point in his life. Somehow, you don't. Your schedules never line up and then JJ switches jobs. There's a myriad of reasons but it doesn't happen. You both go on with separate lives.

And then JJ and Will are getting married. You get a frantic call from your best friend's soon-to-be-husband who whispers secret plans to you over the phone. It's perfect, you know JJ will adore the simplicity and elegance of a backyard wedding.

You're there as soon as you can be, helping set up Rossi's backyard so it's gorgeous for the most gorgeous person you know.

You're the maid of honor, of sorts. And you don't get a chance to ask who the best man is before JJ arrives and the ceremony begins.

You strike out as soon as you spot a tall brunette. A tall brunette who made you the happiest you've ever been with a man. And he's still just as handsome.

His eyes bulge when he sees you but he keeps a straight face and clenches his teeth while the ceremony continues. You're mostly focused on how beautiful JJ looks and how sweet their wedding is, but you can't help your mind drifting to Spencer.

You hadn't seen him dressed up like this when you were dating and the tuxedo is a perfect look on him.

"Y/n." He comes up to you when you're getting yourself a glass of champagne.

"Spencer." You reply. His tone doesn't let much about how he's feeling on. All you get is a glimmer of shock.

He stands against the table. "Maid of honor?"

You shrug, a little confused at his question. "You know, I'm surprised I haven't seen you all these years." You admit, letting some honesty slip.

"It was slightly intentional." He offers.

You don't let it offend you. "Best man?"

"I think that means we're supposed to sleep together."

You nearly spit out your sip of wine. There's no way the shy Spencer Reid you once knew just said that.

"We've done that." You reply, trying to keep a straight face after the out-of-pocket comment.

Spencer tilts his head to the side. "You're right."

You really don't know how it happens. Maybe it's a few too many drinks. There's definitely not enough alcohol in your bloodstream to solely blame that. Spencer Reid is as hot as they get. And it's been... longer than you're willing to admit since you've had sex. Even longer since it was good sex.

So there isn't anything telling you to stop when Spencer pushes you up against the door of a room in Rossi's house, lips firmly against yours.

Your dress is hiked up around your waist while his fingers trace up and down your thigh before he even thinks about locking the door. Both of you are far too wrapped up in the moment to think securely.

His hands are quick to the zip of your dress, sliding it down effortlessly and letting it pool at your feet. He takes a moment to look at you and you have to admit, you're a little worried about his reaction. You don't doubt Spencer Reid can pull beautiful women.

"God, you're gorgeous." He says softly, juxtaposing the way he's practically clawing your clothes off you.

"Are you going to compliment me or fuck me like you promised you would?" You ask him, waltzing over to the bed and sitting on the edge.

Spencer smirks at your smart mouth. "You asked for it."

He's kneeling on the floor in front of the bed in seconds, with no regard for his suit pants being wrinkled, just on his knees. There's a sense of urgency that doesn't allow for the time for him to take your panties off so he opts for shifting them to the side.

There's also no time to waste as his tongue melds with your folds, tracing patterns. No one has ever come close to giving head like Spencer does. It's truly mindblowing, the pressure of his tongue and the suction method he uses. You're instantly in bliss, head thrown back against the covers as you moan.

You've lost it when his fingers enter you, pushing past with little resistance. "Holy shit, Spencer. You're incredible."

"Sing my praises." He says against your pussy.

You do. Not even possessing the ability to be embarrassed about it.

And you don't stop. You're withering and moaning on the bed, tugging his curls while he continues pleasing you. Eventually, it's too much. His fingers pumping in and out of you combined with his tongue wrapped around your clit have you finishing in no time.

"Still as good as I remember." As if he couldn't get any hotter, he sucks his fingers into his mouth.

Spencer rises from his knees, now much taller than you. You tug your underwear off before unclipping your bra. "Fuck me, Spencer." You reach out for his belt buckle, toying with it. "Please."

Spencer has lost the shy, timid nature he had the first few times you had sex and he quickly takes off his belt and pants. Once his suit jacket is tossed across the room, Spencer pulls your legs to the end of the bed, making sure you wrap your ankles around his waist. His hands rest on either side of your head and you're precisely where you want to be.

"You're so hot." You tell him with a smirk.

He grins, spreading your legs and inching inside you. The look on his face is an instant confidence boost. Clearly, he's a man in bliss, head thrown back and tongue parting his lips.

"Fuck." He pants.

You agree, barely able to speak from how hard he's pounding you and how good it feels. Although it's annoying to admit, you've never had as good sex as with Spencer.

Your hands wrap around his forearms, noticeably bigger than last time. "Spencer." You moan. "Please. So good."

He caresses your chest, paying attention to your boobs like he hadn't before. "Y/n." He groans, not slowing his pace up. His hips snap against yours with each thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing throughout the room. "Can I?" He asks.

It's unlike you to have even let him start without protection but you're not thinking straight enough. All you know is you need Spencer. "Please."

He finishes as deep inside you as he can get, leaning down to kiss you softly. You're breathless like he is when he flops down next to you.

One of Spencer's palms touches your cheek, forcing you to look at him rather than the ceiling. "Hey, pretty girl." He says softly and it makes your heart flip in a way it shouldn't. "Can I take you on a date, Y/n?"

The smile creeping onto your face can't be helped. "Yes. Please."

[ddodol]

drinking with riize ! headcanons

content warning ⭑.ᐟ alcohol mentions for sure, this is so pg-13 aside from the alcohol don't even worry, established relationship. word count⭑.ᐟ 1.2k+

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can handle their alcohol

shotaro: if you were drinking with him, whether it’s outside or in the comforts of your own place, he’d always make sure not to drink too much. shotaro knows his limits and he can reel himself in when he knows that he’s starting to get tipsy. if it were any other occasion where you’re celebrating something, then he’d most likely let himself go for a little bit. he would still keep his eyes on you while making sure that he’s matching your excitement and energy.

i like to think that shotaro would be in the mood once he’s gotten a bit tipsy, especially since you're in his company. it’s something he tries to hold back on when he’s sober so when he’s drunk, he’d be more free and bold only if you let him. if he wasn’t being touchy, you’d know by the way he looks at you, eyelids heavy and eyes flickering up and down. he’d be eating you up with his gaze, making you giggle at how obvious he was being.

seunghan: honestly, he’s probably one of the few that could hold actually their alcohol in this group. seunghan would have no problem matching you, clinking glasses or beer cans with you as you drink. you might even get tipsy before him and once you do, he’d tease you affectionately. seunghan would know your tolerance better than you do, subtly taking away your glass once he hears the slightest bit of slurring in your words. he’d be poking fun at you while also checking how drunk you actually are, laughing when you confirm his suspicions.

on the very rare occasion that you catch seunghan drunk, he’d probably be quiet for the first time ever. he’d be touchy and sleepy, resting his face against your neck and breathing in your scent until he falls asleep. he’d whine and complain if you move or leave him, having a sixth sense only for that.

anton: he’s most likely to be one of the few members that can handle their alcohol and be excited when you first ask. anton would be feeling playful, excited with the thought of drinking with you. he would make sure he pays attention to you, wanting to know what kind of face you’d make while drinking or what flavors you like and dislike. these are things he’d keep in mind and would think about when he’s out shopping for alcoholic drinks, picking a bottle up impulsively because he remembered how adorable you looked when you had a sip of it.

while anton has average tolerance, the chances of him tearing up are never zero. he’d be listening to you talk and his thoughts would wander, thinking about how lucky he was to have you. he wouldn’t cry even though he gets emotional easily but if you were the type to cry when drunk, then you’d both be crying in the middle of drinking. anton would try his best to be there for you, though, comforting you before taking care of himself.

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they're cute so it's okay

eunseok: two words: pink cheeks. he’d be flushed all over with just one shot and he doesn’t even need to be drunk or tipsy. eunseok would be cuter than usual, voice would probably be brighter because of how happy he just is. you’d catch him staring at you way longer than he should, a cute smile on his lips as he traces his eyes over your drunken features as if he was trying to memorize them. he’d be thinking about how adorable you were even if you were rambling about some nonsense. he’s the type to let you embarrass yourself, so you can count on horrifying recollections the day after as he helps you jog your memories, laughing at you.

drunk eunseok would probably be the type to get sentimental, like if you were dating for a long time he’d randomly bring up a very specific memory only he remembers, or maybe even declare his love to you in a very serious manner. he would still remember everything the day after, but if he did or said something embarrassing then he’d act like he doesn’t and he’d keep the act up until you’re convinced in a poor attempt to erase whatever it was that he did.

sohee: drinking with sohee would be so much fun even if it’s just the two of you. he’d suggest these silly games you two could play, you would be laughing and fooling around until the alcohol wears you down. he would always triple check if you could handle another punishment shot, otherwise he’d lose on purpose just so you wouldn’t drink too much. he’d make sure to take care of you once you’re all spent, letting you rest on his shoulder as he hums or whistles a song.

drunk sohee would be more sincere and affectionate than usual, showering you with words of affection while thanking you for everything you’ve done for him. he wouldn’t exactly cry; if anyone were to cry, it’d be you because of how sweet his words were. these are things he’d never admit to your face while sober and he’d be pouring his heart out as he stares into your eyes.

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messy drunk

sungchan: since he’s a certified lightweight, sungchan would most likely take his time drinking. if you insisted on it, he’d cave in and just join your company. once he’s sure that you were enjoying yourself, he’d start drinking with you in small sips because he still wants to enjoy the moment but would also make sure that he’d be able to take care of you afterwards.

now, if he were to come home from a company dinner completely drunk, he’d be more affectionate and touchy than he already is. sungchan would be all over you, mumbling about how much he loves you or how you smell good or how your hair was still a little wet or apologizing for being so heavy while you’re dragging him back home. he could yap on and on about whatever comes across his mind and eighty percent of that is just about you and how he thought you looked cute in that one outfit you wore during your first date as if he hasn’t complimented you enough on it.

wonbin: now hear me out— i don’t think wonbin can handle his alcohol well. i don’t even think he’s drank a lot considering how he’s a homebody. he would be cautious when drinking with you, wanting to hide the fact that he’s a bit intimidated by alcohol, snacking on some food while you were drinking. once he manages to relax, he’d be more talkative and giggly. he would forget about how intimidating the alcohol is and just enjoy your company, accidentally drinking too fast.

drunk wonbin would still want to prioritize you even if he was more shitfaced than you are. he would not be able to keep his hands to himself, pressing his limp body against yours while he whines about how you have to stop drinking before you get drunk. wonbin would be the type to just stare at you blankly, lips slowly curling into a smile when you look back at him in confusion. he’d be very vulnerable, asking you about stuff he’s been thinking about for a while now. you would have to shower him with affection, patting his head or playing with his hair while reassuring him that he’s doing great.

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[dxckgrxsonx]

Out of office is ON. Absolutely ZERO customer service duties until Monday and I am sososo relieved!

May i give you all a look at my exbf!dick WIP?

**

Watching that first edge of your relationship catch at the precipice of failure felt so much like grief it was alarming; letting go has never been something you’re good at, especially not when it comes to him.

But you couldn’t stop Dick Grayson from slipping through your fingers the same way he couldn’t stop you from slipping through his.

Ending the relationship was a mutual decision. But that fact brought no relief. He was still leaving you, and in the terrible reflection of that, you were leaving him too.

There was no coming back from that.

**

Your relationship ends on a Tuesday and first thing Wednesday morning you walk into Titans Tower to find Dick standing at the kitchen counter.

Time stalls, your whole life stuttering in a furious backfire.

Whatever you were expecting. It wasn’t this.

Memory blooms against the palms of your hands and it’s tangible, focus hard enough and your fingers could trip along the interlocking bones of his spine. It’s historic recollection, almost twelve months eclipsing the time it takes to blink; one trip around the sun together and your life comes back to you irrevocably changed.

Three hours of sleep isn’t enough to deal with this; you don’t think any amount of sleep is enough for this.

Dick stares at the wall just past your head, mug held halfway to his mouth. He’s still wearing the same clothes as last night, doesn’t look like he’s slept for even a minute, and you could throw a dart at what you’re feeling about that and still not pinpoint it exactly.

Silence seems to echo, then swell, and you can't help but fumble in the face of it, caught in foreign territory. You wasn’t quite sure what you were expecting, but seeing him again so soon wasn’t really on the list. For a moment you consider turning on the balls of your feet and leaving, and yet, you know that won’t solve anything.

A cup of coffee is pushed across the counter in your direction and you stare at it, bewilderment shoved up against the roof of your mouth. You know it’s made exactly the way you like it; know with the same sort of certainty that you bring into mission briefings, the same concrete accuracy you display in combat.

It feels like you’re going fucking crazy.

Glancing at Dick you try to gauge the look on his face but you can’t.

When you first starting dating it was hard to read between his lines–difficult to spot the miniscule changes in his mannerisms–you could stare him straight in the face and miss the switch; miss the split second where emotion filters through the cracks and he shuts it down, hides behind a smooth facade of indifference.

After all the time you spent together it got easier. You learnt. But you look at him now and you might as well have never known him at all.

Dick opens his mouth and every muscle along your spine flexes in preparation, "Let’s not make this weird, yeah?"

Your teeth grind.

What a fucking diplomat.

One thing about you is this: you’re petty. Hand on heart you can’t help it. You get wronged and hit back in the lowest form you can think of–the most inconvenient way your mind can conjure up. The satisfaction you get from it is unparalleled.

Years ago, your uncle told you to leave your own house after a disagreement and in retaliation you parked your car so close to his bumper he couldn’t get out of the space. Then you blocked his number and didn’t come back for three days.

Not once did you regret it.

Dick knows exactly what you’re like; who you are on the inside, and yet he arrives at the solution of damage control. As if that would have ever gotten a positive reaction out of you–as if there would be any moment in your life where you wouldn’t bite all the way back to your molars into something glaringly spiteful.

There’s a split second where you wonder if he’s doing it on purpose.

He knows you on a level you can’t speak about–knows you through all four seasons and right down to the cosmic dust that interlocks with the fabric of your being–and he’s so brilliantly clever. Strategist since he was a child. You don’t have a doubt in your mind that he knows what you’re about to do before you do it. The revelation stings the same way a papercut does, wound superficial and with clean edges, yet painful no matter what.

Dick Grayson knows you, and in a fit of something helpless and tearful, you wish he didn’t.

The mug of coffee tips in your fingers and you pour the whole damn thing down the drain.

“Yeah.” You say, blinking furiously, refusing to acknowledge the wobble in your voice. “Fuck that.”

Dick stares at you the whole time–the blue of his eyes almost flashing with something un-named–his free hand tightening into a fist. The exhilaration is damning, blood rushing up to greet the sick satisfaction sparking in the hollow of your throat.

Fuck him.

Fuck him so goddamn much.

**

[shiny-crocodile]

the best person i’ve ever met

lucy bronze x ona batlle

Summary:

lucy and ona origin story; semi-slow burn, semi-quick; multi chapters that will get a little smutty

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, chapter 7, chapter 8, chapter 9, chapter 10

CHAPTER 2

Chapter Summary: waffles, christmas songs, thirst traps and first dates

The next morning Ona’s head was pounding. She had clearly overdone it, which she very rarely did. As she looked around the room for water she grabbed her phone and saw 2 messages from Millie and one instagram follow notification.

She knew which one she was more desperate to see, quickly opening instagram to see “Lucy Bronze has followed you”.

Ona jumped out of bed in celebration, although a little too quickly as she had to steady herself and lay back down slowly, the room spinning around her.

She switched out of instagram and into her messages and suddenly felt the sickness rise up again. Her euphoric high cut short.

There were drunken messages between her and Millie that she had absolutely zero recollection of.

2:08am

Millie T - sorry if I’ve been off today. I don’t know what came over me.

Millie T - Lucy obviously spoke to you. Can I come to your room to talk?

Ona - too tired

Ona - spoke to me about what??

Lucy had thought about mentioning the bizarre interaction to Ona but she wasn’t trying to create drama at her best friend’s wedding. She just wanted everyone to have a good night, aside from the fact she had no idea how she’d bring up something like that.

Millie - doesn’t matter. I’m just sorry if I ruined your night.

Ona - you didn’t

Ona - But if you don’t tell me what you said you may do

Ona could be firm when she wanted to, especially after a few drinks. Sober Ona cringed at her forcefulness as she reread the messages.

She then listened to an uncomfortably long voice note where Millie basically revealed every detail of her and Lucy’s short conversation, including the “shit where you eat” comment.

Ona couldn’t believe Millie would speak like that, and felt totally humiliated that she would talk to Lucy about her in that way. That she would say that to anyone really, but especially Lucy.

Ona - you said WHAT???!

Ona - that is seriously fucked up

Millie - I know I’m so sorry, it was out of order.

Millie - Can I please come to your room to explain?

Millie - Ona?

Ona was gone to the world, completely passed out by this point.

7.08am

Millie - I am really sorry. You have every right to be angry. I’m going to make an early start and head back to Manchester but I’ve told Less to meet you at breakfast at 9, she’ll give you a ride home.

Ona sighed. She hated any drama or confrontation, dreading the thought of what she’d even say to Lucy if she saw her again.

Even though she was clearly furious last night, the younger right back knew she would eventually hear Millie out when her head wasn’t throbbing, but for now she couldn’t bring herself to respond.

She checked the time and saw it was already 9.05, so quickly grabbed some trackies and a hoodie from her bag, cleaned herself up and lugged her overnight bag downstairs.

When she reached the breakfast hall she looked around but couldn’t see Less. She grabbed her phone out of her pocket, ready to call when a man’s voice said, “Hello, what room number?”

“Um 215,” Ona said to the waiter.

“Ah your friend is waiting for you this way,” he said, wandering off to let Ona hurry behind, in no state to be trying to keep up like this.

He pointed over to a booth in the corner where she didn’t see Less but she did see a quite disheveled, but somehow still crazy hot brunette.

“Bon dia,” Ona said as she reached the table.

Lucy looked up from her phone. She was amazed at how the younger girl managed to look this good after last night. She was throwing up 8 hours ago and now she looked like she’d just come off a photoshoot.

“Bon dia, bonita,” Lucy greeted, her croaky morning voice making Ona’s stomach flutter. “How did you sleep?”

“Pretty well, although it looks like all my friends have abandoned me.”

“Their loss, my gain,” Lucy said cheekily. Ona may have been hungover, but flirty Lucy was bringing her back to life. “I actually relieved Less of her duties. Thought it was easier if her and Jordan went together because they’re both heading to London and I’ll take you back to Manchester. I’ve nicked Jordan’s rental. I hope that’s ok with you? I’m not abducting you or anything.”

Ona was giddy at the thought of spending a 2 hour drive alone with Lucy. “That’s more than ok,” Ona confirmed, “as long as Jordan’s ok being friends with a car thief, I’m ok being abducted.”

“Perfect,” Lucy said, also excited to spend more time with Ona. “The buffet here has waffles, shall I grab you some?”

The generosity made her even more endearing but Ona didn’t want Lucy to have to do too much, after all she was hungover too. “Let’s go together.”

They made their way over to the waffles station. Hands and hips bumping into each other as they walked and then again as they constructed their waffles.

Lucy went for fruit and maple syrup, whereas Ona went for chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate.

Lucy took the plates back to the table while Ona went and got them juices. It was all very domestic for a pair that had only properly met about 18 hours ago, and both of them noticed it.

While she didn’t want to bring the mood down, Ona had to mention Millie and apologise for what she had said to Lucy. Finding it too awkward to mention the actual phrase used.

“You don’t need to apologise, if she’s having an off day that’s not on you,” Lucy continued, “Plus I wasn’t too bothered about it. More bothered by the fact you’re coming for my spot on the team, but a little health competition never hurt anybody.”

Ona knocked her leg against Lucy’s playfully at the joke. Relieved that the older brunette could see the funny side and not drag out the awkwardness.

“Is it even competition? I’ll mop the floor with you Bronze” she teased, using one of her favourite English sayings.

“Oooo a challenge, it’s so on.”

Ona had to switch out from the joking and turn serious for a second, “but none of that is official or anything and Millie really shouldn’t have said anything. So please don’t say anything to anyone.”

“Your secret is safe with me, bonita.”

/////

They stayed at the breakfast table until they were politely kicked out, trying each others waffles and gossiping about the previous night before heading out to the car. Lucy taking Ona’s bag from her to slot it in the car.

“Wow this is a nice car, we’ve done Jordan a disservice making her squeeze in Less’s Ford Fiesta,” Ona joked as she slid herself into the passenger seat.

Before Lucy could respond the back door swung open with Tooney shouting, “you weren’t going to leave me behind were you?”

“No Tooney, I could never forget about you. Just warming the car up for you,” Lucy responded. She looked over to Ona who had a glimmer of disappointment in her eyes before smiling round at Tooney.

“I thought you might have gone with Millie,” Ona said in a friendly enough way that her disappointment wouldn’t show.

“Nope! I thought this would be more fun,” Tooney said, squeezing both their shoulders, “now pass the aux, it’s time for Tooney’s Christmas Classics!”

Lucy half laughed half sighed as she passed the aux back to Tooney and started the engine, lightly squeezing Ona’s thigh as an attempt at an apology for their third wheel before returning her hands to the steering wheel as she set off heading for Manchester.

Both younger players fell asleep within 5 minutes, it was Silent Night that did it, and slept all the way to Manchester. Lucy didn’t mind. She slightly minded Tooney’s snoring, who was sprawled out in the back seat. But Ona looked delicate and sweet as she slept with her knees hugged to her chest in the passenger seat.

After a couple of hours they drove into Manchester, and Lucy needed some directions. “Ona,” she whispered, gently shaking her leg.

Ona moaned herself awake, which Lucy felt her stomach go weak at the sound of.

“Bon dia, again,” Lucy said softly. “Which way do I need to go to your apartments?”

Ona opened her eyes and looked around, realising where she was as she rubbed her sleepy eyes. “Oh wow, we’re so close. Sorry Lucy, I didn’t mean to sleep this whole time!”

“It’s ok, you’re a cute sleeper, shame about that one though,” Lucy said, gesturing to a snoring Tooney in the back seat.

Ona laughed, “God she is the worst, either chatting non stop or snoring, there is no middle ground. Next left here by the way.”

The Spaniard directed Lucy the rest of the way, doing it in Spanish to give Lucy some more practice before they arrived at the apartment block where both Ona and Tooney lived.

“Oi!” Lucy shouted, shaking Tooney and startling her. “Wake up ya snorer!”

Ona laughed at their dynamic, it was younger-older siblings energy. Lucy took both girls’ bags out the boot, handing them over as Tooney gave her a quick hug, “see you next camp, Bronzey, thank you for the lift, you’re a sensational driver.”

“Alright,” Lucy said pushing her towards the door. Turning to face Ona.

“Bye, you,” Lucy said, delicately pushing a strand of hair behind Ona’s ear. Lucy was the queen of tactile touches, especially when she felt so at ease with someone.

Ona tried to ignore the melting feeling, “have a lovely Christmas. Are you in Manchester for it?”

“No I’m heading to back north now,” Lucy mumbled.

“What?!” Ona exclaimed, “you drove us all this way just to drive back?”

Lucy could sense this was coming off a bit intense now that she thought about it. “Well I’m gonna go pick my sister up from round the corner and drive her back as well, so two birds with one stone,” she lied.

“ONAAAA” Tooney shouted with her terrible pronunciation, “I’m holding the lift, people are getting mad!”

“Well that’s my que, thank you so much for the lift,” Ona said as she lent in to give Lucy a peck on the cheek, mirroring the one Lucy had given her the previous night, before she slowly walked backwards towards the door. “Oh and thank you for saving my feet with the trainers, and my hair from the vomit. God, what a mess.”

Lucy laughed after Ona, “you’ll have to make it up to me.”

Ona pulled open the door shouting, “oh I will,” leaving both girls in a giddy state as they parted ways.

Lucy drove off back up north, ready for another 2 hours of Christmas songs as she tried unsuccessfully to get the pretty Spanish girl out of her head.

/////

Christmas flew by and so did new year, Lucy in England and Ona back in Spain, swapping countries. The two girls would interact a bit with the odd message but nothing major. These interactions mainly came after Ona dropped a thirst trap on instagram, which only made her drop more.

For all Lucy knew, this could have been Ona’s regular posting schedule as she’d only just started following her. But Ona knew there was only one person she wanted to see her photos, only one reaction she was looking for.

Weeks passed and the interactions stayed similar. Private reactions to photos but keeping things relatively low key. Neither girl had really discussed the flirtation with their friends because there was nothing really to discuss. Until the photos from the wedding came out.

Day 1s Group Chat

Lucy S - oh my god look at this!!!!!!!

She attached a photo showing Ona looking at Lucy with the widest grin imaginable.

Jordan - no way 😂 😂 😂 heart eyes for days

Lucy S - also just realised I got so caught up in honeymooning and being married that I completely forgot we needed a debrief

Lucy S - the heart eyes are EVERYTHING

Jordan - care to provide details @Lucy B . I will say that my car was stolen the next day so a certain Spanish girl could be chauffeured home!

Lucy S - 🤣 stop it!!

Lucy S - Bronzey wake tf up, we need details

Lucy B - I do look pretty good in that, heart eyes understandable

She saved down the photo, ignoring the demands for a debrief for now as she switched over to IG to send the photo to Ona.

@.lucybronze - woahhhhh you must have really fancied me that night, hey?

@.ona.batlle - the amount of people that have already sent me this. Photographers really not let me get away with it have they?

@.lucybronze - not at all, done you dirty. What is it the young people say? Heart eyes don’t lie?

@.ona.batlle - showing your age there

@.lucybronze - showing your heart eyes there

@.ona.batlle - you’re annoying

@.lucybronze - maybe but you 😍 it

@.ona.batlle - want to see the heart eyes in person next week?

@.lucybronze - no way. Really? the annoying worked?

@.ona.batlle - yeah kinda, few days off. I did say I would make it up to you. Could see family, friends, you. Hit birds with stones as you say.

@.lucybronze - close enough 😂 I’d like that a lot

They exchanged numbers and switched from instagram to texts. Ona said she would make it up to Lucy but Lucy did everything, found the bar, made dinner reservations and just told Ona where to be and when.

Both girls were beyond excited. Despite only meeting a few weeks ago this somehow felt like a long time coming.

Lucy was probably more nervous than her Spanish counterpart. Still excited, but nervous. She had been on a few dates since her breakup but they were all first meetings or set up by friends. This felt a bit more weighted, maybe because this could actually lead to something.

When Lucy was messaging Ona she felt completely calm, but when she had time to think about it she worried if she was really ready for this. Had she rushed into this too quickly? Should she have been on more less meaningful dates before agreeing to this one? Did Ona even see this as a date? Lucy was over thinking, big time.

//////

After what felt like 7 months rather than 7 days, the day finally came and the girls had agreed to meet at the bar Lucy had booked. Ona was staying at her friend and Spain teammate Jana’s flat. She could have stayed with her family but they live further out, although it did mean she would have to tell someone they both knew about the date. She could hardly sneak out like a teenager while staying with her friend.

“So who’s the girl?” Jana pried as she sat on the spare room bed while Ona got ready. She had already put her clothes on and had opted for light blue jeans, a cream top with a low cut, and a leather jacket. Completing the outfit with pale blue dunks. It was early February in Barcelona so still a bit cold, and she may not be wearing enough layers but if that meant an older brunette was forced to keep her warm, she would take the risk.

“Just a friend of a friend from home,” Ona answered, giving away nothing as she straightened her hair.

“But I know your friends, which one? Do you have a photo?”

Ona knew the questioning would be relentless, it was who Jana was. But she was going to stay strong. It was very very early days, she knew this could easily get complicated and messy if their mutuals were aware and she didn’t want to risk that.

Lots of players could handle that kind of drama, but Ona wanted to stay as far away from it as possible. She had family and non-football friends she could confide in if she needed to. It wasn’t like her love life was a secret from everyone. She just didn’t feel the need to involve teammates at this stage.

Lucy’s getting ready experience was somewhat different. Instead of Jana yapping at her she had her dog Narla. “Yes, I know, it’s dinner time,” Lucy said, pausing her make up routine to lead her nagging dog out the bedroom and into the kitchen.

She sorted Narla out and headed back into the room to finish getting ready. Lucy had gone with some loose dark blue jeans and a long sleeved tight white crew neck. Seemingly dressing for a different temperature than Ona, she opted for a grey bomber jacked and a green puffer jacket. Even in Barcelona, she still felt the winter cold more than most.

As her Uber chimed as 2 minutes away she threw her keys and card in her pockets and headed past Narla to stroke her goodbye before going downstairs.

/////

Lucy was the first to arrive, there 5 minutes early. She was always the last out on the pitch but she had made the booking over the phone so wanted to arrive to make sure she’d made the right request as her Spanish still had something to be desired.

Lucy took her seat at a table in the middle of the bar. She had tried to book a booth over the phone but had obviously failed in her Spanish. She tried again to explain but after a couple of minutes of mutual confusion, she decided to give up and started looking through the drinks menu while she waited for Ona.

10 minutes had passed and although it wasn’t long, Ona’s lateness wasn’t helping with Lucy’s nerves. Maybe she should message to check she’s still coming? Maybe she should have messaged 5 hours ago to reconfirm? Yet again, Lucy’s brain was moving a mile a minute.

As Ona entered the bar, she suddenly felt a rush of nerves as well. She’d been feeling calm all day and in the days leading up but now she’s got an overwhelming feeling that she should have thought this through more.

The nerves settled as quickly as they appeared when she spotted Lucy, sat at a table in the middle of the bar studying the drinks menu intensely.

“Hi there,” Ona said as she stood next to the table. Lucy stood up in a hurry. Bashing her knee and wincing as she did so, trying to cover it with a pained smile, which Ona found adorable.

“Hey you,” Lucy said, wrapping Ona in a warm hug as she regained some of her rizz after her awkward knee bump. “How are you?”

“I’m good, I’m sorry I’m late, couldn’t find my phone,” Ona explained, then laughed, “it was in my pocket.”

Lucy pulled out Ona’s chair for her as she sat down.

“Thanks,” Ona said, smiling up at her. “Did you mean to book a table in the middle of the bar?”

It was as if Ona had read her mind. “Not really,” Lucy laughed. “I tried to book a booth but it seems my Spanish lessons aren’t really working.”

“I can help with that,” Ona said playfully, “and this.”

The younger brunette smiled over to a waitress to get her to come over and was quickly successful. She whipped out some Catalan. Obviously Lucy knew it was her first language but she still found it sexy to hear Ona easily request what she had tried multiple times to do. Ona gestured towards Lucy, saying something that made both Catalan speakers laugh before she got up and held her hand out for Lucy as they followed the waitress to their newly acquired booth.

“Easy for some,” Lucy said. “I probably tried about 5 times do that.”

Ona laughed, resting her hand on Lucy’s on instinct. “You’ll get there. But she thought you were trying to flirt with her, saying cariño (honey) instead of cabina.”

“Oh god, I must have seemed like some relentless creep then,” Lucy sighed, annoyed at herself for not being good at something, it was a rarity.

The girls ordered some cocktails and caught up on their last few weeks. Lucy wasn’t a huge messager, and neither was Ona, which was a blessing now because there was lots to catch up on and zero awkward silences.

Ona had been away to Malta with the Man United girls, and explained how her and Millie had managed to patch things up.

“She actually reached out and messaged me to say sorry,” Lucy confessed, “which was nice of her.”

Ona played with her straw and avoided eye contact, “yeah it turned out she was a little bit jealous of you.”

“For what?” Lucy asked, encouraging Ona to explain more.

“Well we went for a coffee in Malta and she basically confessed that she had a bit of a crush on me and I guess seeing me and you get on, knowing I could be leaving Man U for Barcelona, it just all got a little too much for her,” Ona explained, still avoiding looking at Lucy who was patiently waiting for the eye contact to come back.

“Ah right,” Lucy said, “so did anything come of that chat?” She asked, trying to act as chill as possible while wanting to know if there was anything for her to worry about.

Ona stopped avoiding eye contact then, sensing some concern in Lucy’s tone. “Not at all! We just talked it out, I let her down easy I think,” Ona explained, “I didn’t mention the bit where I’m holding out hope for another English defender.”

Lucy felt a warm, calm feeling come over her at Ona’s words. She shifted even closer to the Spanish girl, placing a hand on her thigh as her whole body faced her. “Well hate to let you down but I’m 98% sure that Alex is straight,” Lucy teased.

“Shut up,” Ona warned playfully. Shuffling herself even closer to the English girl as she placed a hand gently on Lucy’s hip and pulled herself in, moving her face touching distance from Lucy’s, shifting her eyes between the English girls eyes and mouth, while slowly closing the gap between their faces to press her lips gently on Lucy’s.

The kiss was everything, it was gentle and caring and everything Ona had built it up as in her mind. Lucy’s lips tasted like vanilla, mixing with the cherry of Ona’s to produce an intoxicating flavour.

What started gentle quickly became heated as Lucy put her hand round the back of the younger girl’s head as she teased her tongue against Ona’s mouth, asking for access. The Spaniard granted it as the two girls got lost in each other. Exploring the other’s mouth with their tongues while they explored the other’s body with their hands.

Ona sucking on Lucy’s tongue drew a soft moan from the English girl, both completely forgetting where they were or that there were people around until they had no choice but to stop for air.

Lucy didn’t expect a kiss to happen so soon into the night, although she was grateful that it rid her of any of the remaining nerves she had about the date, now confident it was indeed a date.

“Wow,” Lucy said, stroking Ona’s hair out of her face and placing a delicate peck on the younger player’s nose before she moved back slightly, still staring into her mesmerising brown eyes as she basked in the high.

“Not quite Alex Greenwood, but you’ll do,” Ona said, her time to get in on the joke and make Lucy let out a proper laugh, filling Ona with pride at drawing that out of her.

“I’m just grateful you didn’t throw up this time,” Lucy said cheekily, marking Ona’s turn to break into laughter.

The pair carried on chatting while constantly playing with each other’s hands, Ona occasionally rubbing her hands up and down Lucy’s upper arms affectionately, managing to get in a few more make out sessions. They spoke about everything and anything, it was lighthearted and fun, sprinkled with flirty jokes, insane eye contact and a healthy amount of winding each other up.

“I booked a Sushi place round the corner for dinner or we can just stay here,” Lucy said, finishing up her 3rd cocktail of the evening, looking down at the time on her watch.

Ona slurped the remainder of her Piña Colada, “sushi, always sushi! Did you know that was my favourite?”

Lucy shuffled awkwardly, “I may have asked for a bit of help from our matchmaker.”

“She’ll love being called that,” Ona said, finding Lucy’s confession and awkwardness over it the sweetest thing. The Spaniard lifted up Lucy’s hand, placing a soft kiss on her fingers to show her just how sweet she found it, before turning around to grab her jacket, eager to move on to their next stop.

Ona settled up the bill, despite Lucy’s protests. Ona insisted as it was meant to be her making up for the wedding weekend after all, although she had to give in to agreeing for Lucy to pay for dinner, just to stop her stubbornness.

The pair stepped out of the bar arm in arm but the temperature had dropped and Lucy felt Ona shiver against her.

“Here, have this,” Lucy said, taking off her puffer jacket and handing it to Ona.

“Oh no, you’ll get cold,” Ona protested weakly, knowing this was her plan all along.

Lucy shook her head, helping Ona into the coat. “Don’t be silly, why do you think I wore two.”

Ona used the collar of Lucy’s bomber jacket to pull the English player closer to her, kissing her gently before whispering, “gràcies”.

The pair spent the 10 minute walk to the sushi restaurant switching between arms around shoulders and waists to Ona wrapping her hand around Lucy’s upper arm, enjoying the feel of her strong biceps.

As they walked through the entrance Lucy stopped in her tracks. “You have got to be kidding me,” she said, eyes catching the blue ones of the girl sat in the middle of the restaurant.

Keira looked like she had seen a ghost, shivering with the cold breeze entering the restaurant from the open door. She dropped her fork, grabbing the attention of everyone in the restaurant, including the blonde sat opposite, who instantly turned around to see what Keira was staring at.

“Shit,” Keira’s companion said, quickly turning back around.

Ona meanwhile was completely unphased. She had met Keira a few times through mutual friends so she waved enthusiastically at Keira, who gave her a forced smile in return.

“Shall we say hi?” Ona asked, turning to Lucy who also looked like she’d seen a ghost, or two…

[ykiwrite]

departure

description: the only exception when headphones are not needed is when you're around

warnings: everything and none

requested: no

Not one soul truly knew with certainty what was the bond between Jenna and her headphones.

Majority of guesses pointed towards the same chain of remarks like a broken record, over and over.

She's obviously annoyed with all the attention around.

It's to drown out the fans, obviously.

Probably for a distraction.

While most of it was true, all of them were looked at from the surface level. There laid much heavier meaning. The one that Jenna herself is not too fond of uncovering to the world and never was.

She thinks it's sweeter that way. Not everyone has the right to know everything down to little details just because she made a choice of pursuing this path. Some things are better to stay under one's wing.

But when such thing is so broad, and the center of the media conversation, she grew to hate it which ultimately portrayed her as a liar and show-off. But she knew she was no different just because she preferred going outside more than staying inside. Just because she keeps on carrying them around everywhere she heads.

"Close your eyes, come on."

"I told you, i have them closed." Jenna insisted on the truth ever since you started struggling with her trickery for the past ten minutes. Unwilling and tired from opening gifts all day long.

It still felt like summer outside despite the calendar's date passing the one autumn was supposed to begin. You don't recollect signing a deal with the sun to set so deliberately on Jenna's face. As it were placed by your hand. Offering a daily reminder of how crudely you fell for the woman.

The sooner you start inscribing each detail of hers in your memory while this scenery lasts, the better. Not that you could ever forget her, even if she was taken away this very moment and never given back again.

You're just not sure how much will change, counting from this day onwards. A lot will.

Grabbing the box that, taking into account the trouble you withstand saving for it, could have been put together prettier.

But that was not Jenna's specialty after all. Being overly picky about things, it left no gaps for worry.

Normally, a grain of unease at giving gifts would invite itself but this one felt oddly at home.

Everything did with her around.

"So...it's nothing much. Just something that you're gonna, hopefully, take along with you when you leave."

Seeing the stuffed bags and girl's belongings as they confined the room felt suffocating. It took over your composure, twisting a knife stuck in you ever since news arrived. A week ago it had a life to it, it had Jenna written all over. Now, all it will become is an empty room until she's home again.

Jenna understood the absence of your pre-gift giving speech you surely had prepared for the obvious unsaid reasons. It made her awake.

Opening her eyes and first thing being you, she thought there's not a gift out there better than you in every way and form. But blinking the haziness away, she got the full picture.

"No way." She grabbed the box with a simple ribbon and a letter attached that will be delayed from opening for now. Knowing this day would never come if it wasn't for you making the actual move. All she did was words and never actions because "it's too much and i don't need it that bad".

Exactly why she needed it.

"But how? Why did you?"

You watched her open it like it has a fragile label plastered over. "I saved up. I know your saving addiction wouldn't let you do that and then what? You'd feel guilty so this is where i show up."

"Mannn, noise cancelling? Plus, it has that thing, forgot what it's called. You know the-"

She got over the moon with the unboxing while you watched. Less listened. You tried but it weighed heavy on your mind;

"So Jen," acted as a ground zero and breaking point, "since you landed this big role you're probably never gonna be home as much."

She knew where this was heading. You've been there many visits in the past.

"I won't be there to help with stuff unless you call or something. So distract yourself with this whenever you're out because i know how you are better than anyone-"

"Don't start again. You don't know that. I'm not gonna leave."

You hindered every way from this turning into arguing. Especially on her last day here. "Just listen to me. I want you to do great, even i'm not there."

God, this really is exhausting.

She stared at the folded headphones with your writing within them. A spot where no one could see. Just like a secret you were, and always remained, and it was always against Jenna to do so.

Her hands began to shake before she preoccupied them with the unfolding. Flashes were passing through the glass. She had no one to do what you were capable of. Or at least mimic, copy it in whatever way possible. The doors were opening against her will.

It was a double edged sword sooner than a pair of headphones she carried. Eternal reminder of what's left of you as ridiculous it sounds.

Your playlist compiled over the years was on while she was led by where the job took her down without you.

"I don't think i've ever seen someone so attached to their headphones, you know?"

Of course you didn't. God, he was too pushy. You wouldn't like him either.

Jenna laughed, toning down the insincerity but it was emerging.

"They were a gift before i left home some time ago. The whole idea was to-"

"Oh, they were? From who?" The man went ahead. He struck Jenna as someone who clearly wasn't interested in treating this podcast like a podcast. Rather a second hand source of news.

"Just someone that was, i mean- is really dear to me, you know?"

She should call you after this.

You were everywhere yet nowhere. In that woman leaning at the bar, in the deep waters of the conversation. In the guy sitting at the corner, reading something she can't figure out the name of. The girl chasing a dog for ten minutes straight.

This was so stupid.

"Are you okay?" Her only sane coworker out of everyone seated at this table patted her on the back, jolting her forwards. Perhaps she needed that.

"Yeah, why?" Who is she fooling?

"I saw who are you texting, that's why. Not to pry but maybe give it a break?" She was visibly cautious about the last part but uselessly.

"There's afterparty tomorrow, after the show. Maybe try and have fun?"

Come on. Jenna looked at her and smiled, in the meantime picking up the neatly placed headphones and pushing the chair to where it originally was. "Thanks but i don't think i'll be there. I'll be off now. You guys have fun, yeah?"

The third bottlecap dropping struck the floor and it was the loudest sound of the day besides the line ringing. Piercing her sense of hearing making it the only sound stuck for the rest of the week. Without Jenna acknowledging that. The cold, high story building with a nice view was never in the position to fill the void of you.

Jenna was tired. She was staring at the phone unanswered, it was all she saw on her unlit kitchen floor.

"I know you're not sleeping, please."

As a matter of fact, there was a mutual agreement. That type neither side obeys and respects. Maybe only just in the beginning but as days fly by it starts being harder to play by the rules.

She was only to call when it was critical. And to her, every day was critical and you weren't much different. Just better at hiding.

Quiet.

Jenna dared to smile to herself, unknowing she still had it in her.

"...it's late Jenna."

That alone, more than enough to keep her at bay. If only she can capture it and lock it away somewhere, anywhere that's close at reach.

"I know, i know. I just, i miss you."

The shuffling replaced your voice as it gave you time to think. So why did you go with the question you couldn't care less already knowing the answer to it. "How was the afterparty?"

Jenna knows you better than that. It's not foolproof.

"I didn't go."

"You should. Maybe you'd find someone."

A great deal of things this device around her head witnessed but this was fairly new.

"You know i won't-"

"What if you do?"

"Because i don't care about anybody else. Don't you get it already? In these past, what? Months we have been talking on and off?"

She let a sigh slip by her lips. "It was always you."

Hoping your laugh doesn't get mistaken for a rude one, it's just a cover up for what's really playing out behind the screen, you fought through, "Well then, prove it. You've been away for too long anyway."

Not much changed since the last time.

Even though, in regards to sites she visited, this is the most peace felt.

She wasn't an actor. A celebrity. A character. Someone who dealt with vast fame. She was simply Jenna here. And it's the purest version of her.

Standing at the entrance felt like the longest, most torturous thing she ever performed. There was nothing playing over the phone. Jenna still had them on which stopped her from detecting you behind closed doors.

You're not sure how long your hand was laying on the handle, it should probably do something about it soon.

It was not dark outside, but not complete daylight either. Jenna picked up on it when the inside light escaped. Shined on her greater and warmer than any place she's been to provided.

You stood there, for the first time. The silence in Jenna's mind, thanks to your gift, created a chance to worship, take you in ever more. Just like the first time.

Slowly, shortening the painful distance between, no words were said but if only eyes could speak.

It took Jenna some time to notice you removing what kept her grounded for so long. Until she finally heard it, without drawn out ringing of the line or a faulty service.

"You don't need them anymore."

"No. I don't."

notes: as you can see i was so heavy in the feels it needed to be done, thank you for surviving through i love you

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for missing rehearsals for a concert?

I (17X) play the cello and am participating in my local conservatorium’s string ensembles concert in three days. I have been aware of the concert since the start of term (aka four weeks ago). For the first three weeks of this term, I have been completing my final high school exams (I can’t be more specific because it differs wordwide, but they’re the exams that acknowledge that you’ve fully completed your secondary education y’know) so that was obviously very intense and I had a lot on my plate. At the start of term, my cello teacher S (late 20s?F) told me that I’d be playing a solo in the big finale piece that everyone from every ensemble plays in, as I’m one of the more advanced students. I was given the music for this at the start of term, and we have been practicing it in our weekly lessons so that I am prepared. There will be a rehearsal for this piece a few hours before the concert begins. I was also aware that I was performing in my school strings ensemble (which is a piece I have played before with the ensemble and am familiar with), and S also organised that the four Year 12 students (including me) would play a piece together. She organised to have three rehearsals for this on the three days before the concert (aka today, tomorrow and the next). As by this time I knew I would have finished all my exams, I told her that I should be free to be at these rehearsals.

Since finishing high school a week ago, I have gotten a job at a local café, as I haven’t had a job in high school like most people due to not having time with my music commitments. Unfortunately, I was rostered to have work on the days of the first Year 12 piece rehearsal (aka today), the third Year 12 piece rehearsal, and the day of the concert itself (so I would miss the finale piece rehearsal beforehand and would just make it on time for the concert). I considered trying to swap these shifts so that I could go, but A) given that I am brand new (today was my third ever shift) I didn’t think it would be a good idea to try and get out of it so early on in my employment, and B) I didn’t actually have any way to contact a manager and ask for shifts off until today because they hadn’t properly sorted out my paperwork and information yet. I tried to look for solutions for this, but yesterday I decided that I just wouldn’t be able to make it, so I message S to inform her and apologise. She obviously wasn’t happy about this (she started her reply with “yikes”), and checked to see whether I was still happy to play in the school string piece (which I confirmed) and asked whether I was able to play in the concert with another ensemble that I used to play in (I said yes, and she said she’d get the music to me). I left it at this, with the intention to practice my pieces a lot over the next few days.

Today, both me and my mum received an email from S. She was quite angry about the fact that I wasn’t able to attend two out of the three Year 12 piece rehearsals, calling it bad etiquette and saying that it “reflects poorly in the professional world”. (I agree that it wasn’t great for me to have to pull out of those rehearsals when I had previously said that I should be available, but as I said above, I wasn’t really in a position where I could change this). She also said that I was supposed to be at school strings rehearsals yesterday, and at rehearsals for the ensemble I’m no longer in and was only just asked to play in. In this ensemble’s rehearsal, they also ran through the finale piece that I am playing a solo in (which I wasn’t aware they would be doing). S claimed that I had been told that I was supposed to be at these rehearsals this week — I have absolutely zero recollection of this, to the point where I doubt I was asked, but if I was, it was before or during my exams, in which case it doesn’t surprise me that I forgot, as I was highly stressed and just trying to focus on getting through school. I was never given another reminder to be there, so I had no idea I was supposed to be at the rehearsals yesterday. Because of how annoyed she was, I was forced to speak to someone about leaving my shift on the concert day early so that I can attend the rehearsal beforehand, but I’m still not able to attend the Year 12 piece rehearsal in two days time.

I feel really bad about the whole thing, because I genuinely am quite close with S and I know she’s put in a lot of effort to this concert. However, I feel like she’s being unfair in her annoyance. I was unaware I had to be at any rehearsals yesterday because this wasn’t clearly communicated to me (and even if to others it was implied that I should be there, I’m not the kind of person that will pick up on this — I need to be explicitly told). If I had known I was expected to be there, I absolutely would have been there. And obviously not being able to go to the rehearsals because I’m working is frustrating, but I really don’t feel like I had much choice in the matter. If I had been working there for a while, I absolutely would have asked for the days off, but I feel like it’s unfair to expect me to try and cancel those shifts when I’ve only just started the job. I’m glad I’ve managed to arrange to be at the concert day rehearsal, so that I can practice the solo with the rest of the ensemble, but even if I hadn’t been able to, I’ve been practicing the piece and I’ve done performances where I haven’t had a proper rehearsal before, so I think it would have been fine.

Hopefully this made sense, I tried to provide as much detail as possible but I’m very tired and am struggling to be coherent, and it’s also hard to explain the situation through text. So, tl;dr, AITA for:

Not being at rehearsals yesterday that I was unaware I was supposed to be at?

Having to cancel rehearsals because I was rostered during those times?

What are these acronyms?

[choicesficwriterscreations]

June Creator of the Month: Thosehallowedhalls

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month is @thosehallowedhalls.

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

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1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I can't remember exactly. 2021, I think? Laws of Attraction was on its tenth chapter.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined in January of this year. I was upset with Crimes of Passion 2, so I wrote a couple of stories about it. I had deactivated my old Tumblr long ago, so I had to open a new one.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I love old buildings - the history, the ambiance. I tried hallowedhalls, but it was taken, so I added the article.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

I… have zero recollection of this post. But I'm big on nostalgia and mourning past times, so the fact that this was my first post tracks.

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write fanfiction. I've been teaching myself to draw, but I'm not anywhere near close to sharing what I do.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing fanfiction way back in… 2010? For about four or five years. Then I stopped until December 2023.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Crimes of Passion on both counts.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

That would be The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm, inspired by The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I do still like it, but I would tighten up the writing a bit. I had barely written any fiction for several years at that point, and the lack of practice shows.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

I keep going back and forth between The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm and Home Without. Both are angsty short series.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I was taken aback by the comments on The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm. I'd posted it on AO3 a few weeks before, and had gotten a handful of kudos and one comment, but within 24 hours of posting it here, I had several lovely reblogs. It was a welcome surprise. Stories with fewer comments… I guess Home Without. The first chapter got quite a bit of love, but by the time the final chapter rolled around, fewer people were interacting.

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I love a balance, but I'd say angst with a happy ending. I enjoy the breadth of emotions angst lets you explore.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are bits and pieces of me in all of them. Emma has my sarcasm, and Raine has my need to look for the best in people. There may be more, but if so, it wasn't done intentionally.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Perfectionism. Like I said before, the lack of writing practice shows. I know that the only way to get better is to keep writing, but I hate seeing the gap between what I do and what I want to do. Catch-22.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

My Sebastyan x Emma fic, Of Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies. There are only a couple of chapters left, but I've been struggling with it for a couple of months now.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Oh, hell no.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

So many writers have influenced my writing throughout the years, including authors I do not currently read. The Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Nora Roberts, Jane Austen, Courtney Milan, Alyssa Cole… I could go on and on. Fanfic writers… There are a lot, but off the top of my head, @inlocusmads, @coffeewithcutcaffeine, @gaiuskamilah, @aria-ashryver, @jerzwriter, @dutifullynuttywitch, @aces-and-angels, @petalouda85, and @storyofmychoices. I know there are more.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Home Without. I'm a sucker for good pining, and I'd love to see all that mutual longing play out onscreen - not to mention that reunion.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

I do. I'm currently working on a horror short story, a MG novel, and a dual timeline mystery that's still in the research stages.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

Reading, non-fandom writing, drawing, learning new things (especially languages!), going on walks, and drinking enough coffee to alarm medical professionals anywhere.

[sea-buns]

hey to a gorgug liker what do you think about his nightmare section from sophomore year? cause I feel like the horror there is less “ah my grandparents were racist” and more “fuck am I being a stereotype? are the people who hate me right about me?” cause wrt to his having to modulate between barbarian and artificer in fhjy it’s like. idk

oh boy do I have thoughts

Tbh, I had zero recollection of the racism stuff until reading this. It was just SO MINOR. His trial in the forest felt really lackluster to me. I feel like everyone else's really dug into an issue at the core of their character and his felt more like "everyone is getting a trial, what do we do for gorgug?" And idk if that was just a bad delivery/call on Brennan's part or if it could have been helped by Zac engaging more in it but it just. Didn't feel like anything. It was a lot more about the dice than the horror of the claustrophobia and the bugs and you've never fit in anywhere you live to make yourself smaller wherever you go you're just the loser who hits hard. Like yeah I guess there was an overarching theme of Gorgug gaining confidence in himself but it was done very poorly imo.

And I think his trial in the forest was wrong for putting such an emphasis on his intelligence. I think that would have been much better suited in fy, back when he was still being heavily bullied, but beyond that it felt like a quick and easy thing for them to grab. Yes, he had insecurities about his intelligence with all the complications with Zelda. But, to me, the focus of fhsy was his HEART. It put a spotlight on how his social circle has grown, and his bully is his friend now, and he's not alone anymore. His interactions with Ayda, the friendship book, trying to help Fabian, I believe in you spring break, it's Gorgug keep going. I made a post earlier in the season (including a great addition by another user) that I think articulates that emphasis on his emotional intelligence very well.

Fhjy HOWEVER. I think it's doing everything that sy failed at. It's giving him space to have an inner conflict. It's addressing lots of little issues and conflicts he's had over the campaign and combining them into one coherent piece. Like, guy was in a relationship pretty much all of fy, and then dealt with the fallout in sy, but I don't think we've EVER seen as much quality relationship development with Gorgug as we have in jy. He and Fig spent an entire summer together trapped in a tour bus and no season has indicated that bond and friendship more than this one. He and Riz have found something to bond over, meanwhile in previous seasons there was pretty much zero one-on-one personal interaction between them. Fabian expressed sadness over Gorgug leaving the Owlbears, because it was the only thing they had that was just for them to hang out and be friends.

Just with that, we're already doing leagues more with Gorgug's character than we ever have. And I haven't even STARTED on his barbificier journey, oh dear god lmao.

Gonna preface this bit with a post I made before the season even started. It was about Zac's steady improvement in his performances with every PC, and how I was predicting that it was gonna culminate into a Gorgug that does him the justice he deserves. It was initially supposed to be a criticism, but I got a little lost in the sauce of loving my boy lol. Still very relevant to the topic of this ask!

God, where do I START?? Addressing his relationship with rage? I'll be honest, I didn't think that would ever be used as a character arc. And I'm not even sure why I've felt that way. I just didn't think... I didn't think about how he might've had a dislike for his own rage. Like, the WAY he rages isn't bad by any means, but I don't think it ever crossed my mind how actually harmful his lessons to sing to combat rage were. No, I did not like the way Porter went about teaching him (a bit too unsupportive of his capabilities and reminiscent of shitty teachers for my liking). But his point about EMBRACING anger; that rage is not bad and does not— should not— need to be stifled. THAAAAT. That opened up such an interesting dialogue for Gorgug.

I do appreciate the beginnings of Gorgug's interest in artificing in fhsy. I think the crumbs of it back then did a great job of leading into his larger commitment to multiclassing. And I think what he's been doing with it this season is exactly what was lacking in his section of the nightmare forest. His trial was a puzzle, based entirely on die rolls, where his solution after failing even when he's assisted by the enemy is to essentially give up. I understand that facing their fears was the whole point of the trials, but his section came off as incredibly anticlimactic and unfulfilling. Just the fact that it was a trial based on stat numbers more than the development of the character itself.

Where junior year succeeds in actually showcasing his intelligence and the evolution of the worth he holds in himself is with the hands-on approach it takes. Yes, the academic rolls are still dice and stats, but there's a physical manifestation that wasn't there before. Gorgug is smart when it comes to getting his hands dirty. It is in the practical applications of his skills that his brand of intelligence shines the most.

And while, once again, I did not LIKE Porter's heavy resistance to multiclassing....I have to admit that I don't think Gorgug would have had such a boost in confidence without that struggle. Even if my boy had trouble expressing it to Porter verbally, HE STOOD UP FOR HIMSELF. Instead of simply rolling over and agreeing that he wasn't built for a technical class and it was stupid to try– he was DEFIANT.

The kid who said "I'm a dumbass. Eat me you stupid bug." took on FOUR CLASSES. Three school years worth of artificer simultaneously. AND stayed with the Owlbears. AND went along on party missions to help Kristen's candidacy. AND was always on deck to help the party with the overarching plotline.

AND HE ACED IT!!! THE FIRST BARBIFICER THAT THE AGUEFORT ADVENTURING ACADEMY HAS EVER SEEN!!!!! He is paving the way for every unprecedented multiclass that follows.

Just in comparison to who he was in the previous season, the amount of drive and self-worth he's gained is astounding. In my eyes, it's done more than enough to makeup for the way his development fell flat in sophomore year.

i hope this fulfilled the ask in the way you were hoping! i told you i'd get carried away lmao. writing a bunch about any of zac's characters is always such a joy. gorgug had always been my favorite of the bad kids but i always found myself wishing he went deeper, y'know? and now it's real. my precious anxious boy has been handled so well. and watching zac's growth as a performer has been such a blast.

thanks for the ask! :D

[polichinelle]

yeah fuck it i'm making this its own post. basically very long winded (but still not as extensively detailed as i'd like) thoughts on adam & ronan (sort of) & whelk & noah

i remember reading the raven boys back in 2014 (ten years of rot in my brain!) and being sooo disappointed that there was basically zero fandom interest in whelk & noah beyond "omg whelk is evil and awful and terrible, poor baby noah!" when that is not the narrative surrounding them, not really. i feel it's a disservice to both of their characters to do that, especially noah's:

there is nuance there. there are implications. like... it's ALL about the implications!!! we basically see nothing of whelk and noah beyond what's left after the carnage. and it's a theme in trc for characters to have irreparably changed before we ever meet them (gansey, ronan, whelk, noah). we don't know what they were actually like when noah was alive, when they were best friends. when they were tight as ticks.

what we do know is this: whelk was noah's gansey. whelk was cheating on his own girlfriend with noah's, which is a shitty thing to do for sure, but something we also have zero context for. we also don't know how true it is, because whelk has such a self-inflicted warped view of his past. he keeps rewriting his own memories to think lesser of noah, because his absence hurts that much! we know they were best friends, the same way adam & ronan are best friends with gansey. we know they did everything together

okay, changing gears a little.

i'll paste the part where adam is possessed, sorry for the amount of screenshots:

and this line from a bit further along the chapter:

then, from noah's possession scene:

compare this to whelk's recollection of killing noah, and the effects it had on him:

"red lines streaked in the corners of his vision" "in whelk's head, unearthly voices hissed and whispered, words blurred and stretched together" "dictated by something larger and more powerful than himself" "somehow invited into his body through czerny's death" yes i am going there, yes i am making that point. i think, to some extent, barrington was possessed when he murdered his best friend. neither noah nor adam get their own pov while possessed, so...

i mean, time is a circle. noah needed to die so that gansey would live. noah had already died, gansey had already lived. it needed to happen, and so it would.

where the difference lies, i think, is in barrington's reaction to being possessed, versus adam/noah. for all that i'm arguing possession, i don't think barry's a stand up guy, he's a kid who's never had good role models (need i pull out the quotes about his shit parents) and who was raised by money and objects and reputation, which is why i think the possession worked. the idea to kill noah might've seemed like his own in the moment, an escalation of the situation he was already in, but unlike adam/noah there was no one to hold him back (not to mention barrington isn't as familiar with magic things(?) as they are). in that moment, whelk did truly lost it. he did the unforgivable. but there is no universe in which he doesn't.

for every time we see noah reenacting his death, we also need to imagine barrington whelk, seventeen and shivering. realizing as he's committing the act that he can't go back. perhaps realizing too that he couldn't stop his hands from gripping onto that skateboard, no matter how much he wanted to after that first hit. ("But instead, he remembered the sound Czerny made the first time he hit him.")

there's also adam in this. both him as a parallel to barrington, and as a strange sort of part of noah in a way. adam and noah interact the least out of the main group, arguably, but they too are a two-headed creature; they started out as one singular character and you can sort of tell. something something hands and eyes, something something sacrifice. ronan sort of parallels noah, in that he is not the same lively person we hear about, and he never will be that person again. both are cabeswater personified (although in different ways).

some more things:

"he once had been tight as ticks with his roommate czerny" "only whelk and czerny, treasure hunters and troublemakers" "it was possible that czerny's death wasn't for nothing after all" "[...] his days a ribbon floating aimlessly in water" (in relation to: "he had been a swimmer himself, once") "czerny, you're in a better place than me, i think" "whelk, standing in the wreckage of his life, didn't laugh this time" "the dry, half-eaten burger on the passenger seat / the first fast-food burger he'd had in seven years" "these days, when whelk was trying to comfort himself, he told himself that czerny was a sheep, but sometimes he slipped and remembered him as loyal instead" "[...] took him back to that moment, the skateboard in his hands, the sad question gasped in czerny's dying sounds "we were friends like —"

also, whelk dying in the same place noah did. these lines:

both noah and barrington look the same in the end. broken, rumpled, forgotten. noah's family will never know his bones were reburied outside of their family plot. whelk's mother, however distant she is, will never be notified that her son has died. i think in a way barrington died at the exact same time noah did; something something invited into his body through czerny's death.

basically what i'm getting at is, noah and barry could've been ronan and adam i think, had the circumstances been different. they never will be, but i think about it sometimes.

and there's so many more things i'm not even gonna TRY going into, like noah and whelk both being parallels to gansey (the three of them kings in their own right), or the disparity between whelk talking about czerny vs adele talking about noah, or whatever the fuck is going on with whelk's backstory in general (what's the deal with his mother? how the hell did he get the aglionby job? a random headcanon of mine is that his and noah's search for the ley line lead them to fox way, seven years before the events of the book, and that's partly why whelk refuses to give out his name to maura, because barrington is hard to forget, and easy to trace back)

there is so much to talk about here and i'm so peeved no one is doing it properly... why are we still talking about declan bringing his weekly girlfriend over to monmouth for no reason when we could be talking about whatever the fuck kinda soul-fate-destiny bullshit noah and whelk have!

[runninguplenorahills]

I have risen from the dead to tell you that there’s this guy who I went to school with who is just now watching Stranger Things for the first time ever, and I know this because I still follow him on instagram and he’s posting reviews on there. He recently posted his review of the first season and I started a conversation. I don’t think Stranger Things is really his cup of tea though so our chat was pretty shallow. He was nice though and seemed like he was genuinely interested in what I was telling him. However, he’s posted his review of the second season today and amongst other things he said that El’s story with Kali was unnecessary, and that Mike’s attitude towards Max didn’t make sense “given his characterization in season one”. So, I started another conversation, kindly telling him that “hey, I can explain to you why Mike’s attitude towards Max makes sense if you want me to” to which he then replied: “Yeah sure. Tell me why it makes sense and then I’ll explain to you why it doesn’t 😂” … ?!?!?!?

I then asked him to tell me why exactly he doesn’t think it makes sense, and I’m still waiting for a reply, but this entire conversation made me think of a friend I have (one of the few that actually watch stranger things) who has only watched every ST season once (maybe twice) and doesn’t engage with the show/characters outside of watching, who had a similar attitude towards me when we were discussing s4 a few months after it was released. Who could’ve guessed, we were talking about Mike, and she’s an avid Mike hater (because of course she is) and tried to convince me that she knows him way better than I do and that he’s definitely homophobic.

And I honestly just love how those two provide such a stark contrast to this guy who’s a friend of one my friends, who considers himself a Stranger Things fan and was able to talk to me about the show on a deeper level than the surface. He actually started the deepening of the conversation by expressing that “Mike isn’t one of my favorites, I just can’t really wrap my head around him. I know there’s this theory that he’s gay but I honestly don’t believe it”, and you know that was my cue! I told him that I was a strong supporter of that theory and I pulled out some of the evidence and he was immediately hooked! Maybe not directly convinced (to this day I’m not sure if he is) but the way he was still mind blown by the evidence I provided showed that he knows and has a lot of appreciation for the weight of dialogue and character wardrobe and set design. Not once was he unaware of what I was referring to when I talked about certain scenes etc. while my friend who thinks Mike is homophobic has zero to no recollection of what scenes there were in the first to third season and that guy who’s posting reviews on his story is missing two entire seasons of valuable information in making these judgements.

Anyway, I’ll post an update later on what insta-guy replies to why he thinks Mike’s attitude towards Max in s2 doesn’t make sense 🫡

[tothepointofinsanity]

[The disconnect between each self is immense. Every time I write an entry I have to make sure future Me understands it. I need to start incorporating self language into my this digital diary so I don’t end up alienating whoever takes my place down the line. <- The technique of which is arbitrary and will probably still read offensively to them.

Anyways. I thought about this since I found screenshots of Modus Interactive’s Iketsuki game in my gallery from 2019. That logically “tracks” since the game came out during that year. What does not track is that I have zero recollection of ever having seen that game during that year. Not the aesthetics, not the name…nothing! And yet, the screenshots taken from 2019 are exactly the same set as the ones I took a few months ago (specifically including the fish and Anahel), like it appealed to the me even from the past. I don’t remember this, and if this isn’t prime evidence that I’m a regurgitated archetype of every last representative, I don’t know what is.]

[do-it-jakey-baby]

An Unlikely Encounter

Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Warnings: implied physical assault, alcohol consumption, allusions to smoking weed, explicit sexual content, jealousy, praise kink, dominant Jake

18+, MINORS DNI

TAGLIST: @torniturntomyarrow @ignite-my-fire

A/N: I’m so sorry, I wrote this in my drafts and can’t seem to figure out the word count now… but I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 4

You woke up screaming from the horrendous dream you’d just had, but the panic subdued quickly as you felt Kat’s arms around you.

“Hey, hey. Shhh… it’s ok. I’m here. I’m here.” She whispers softly, smoothing your hair gently with her fingertips. You begin to sob and she squeezes you tightly.

“Do you think you can tell me what happened last night now?”

You prop yourself up onto your elbows and lean against the headboard, cheeks puffy and tear-stained. Kat passes you a tissue and you loudly blow your nose into it.

“I guess…” you trail off. Kat places her hand on your thigh and looks at you, her face a picture of pure empathy. You honestly don’t know what you’d do without her.

“I thought you’d forgotten your key, like you always do. So I opened the door not even bothering to check through the peep hole. Connor was there.”

“That son of a bitch!! I’m gunna kill him!” She spits, eyes filled with fury.

“He was wasted Kat, fucking stank. He started saying some really vile things about me and Jake. When I tried to shut the door he lunged at me. If those men hadn’t been walking past I dread to think what would have happened.” Fresh tears spill from your eyes at the recollection.

Kat whips her phone from the bedside table and begins searching for Connor’s number, but you put your hand up in protest. “Please, no. I want to forget he exists.”

She frowns, but ultimately respects your wishes. “Ok, but if I see that waste of space, good for nothing mother fucker EVER again, I’ll rip his fucking head from his torso.”

Her brutality elicits a small giggle from your lips and she immediately softens her scowl, laughing along with you.

“What was your dream about?”

You sigh. “I dreamt that Connor got hold of me, and he hurt me really bad. Jake came back, but he saw me lying there beaten black and blue and just walked away. I screamed for him, but he kept walking.” Tears welled in your eyes again, threatening to escape and roll down onto your cheeks.

“Y/N, he would never. If he saw what happened, I don’t think Connor would be able to walk again… Jake cares about you.”

“I just don’t understand why, I’m a nobody. He could have any girl he wanted. I’m so damaged, I find it hard to let people in.” You grimace, picking at the skin around your nails.

“Because you’re a fucking worldie, babe.” Kat grabs your shoulders and looks you straight in the eye. “I wouldn’t be best friends with you if you weren’t special, you twat.”

~

The weeks went by quickly as you busied yourself helping Kat with her work, you’d even found time to record a few covers that you’d been meaning to do for a while. You loved to sing, but your ex couldn’t stand it. He always complained about the noise disturbing him. Slowly over the course of your relationship, your confidence dwindled to almost zero. You no longer found comfort in performing, only singing along to songs in the shower or as you worked. You had promised yourself that you’d get back into it when your relationship ended, so you sat there in Kat’s flat, fiddling with your mic and connecting it to the interface. It had been a while since you’d done this, so you played around with the settings on your software and took the time to familiarise. Once you were happy, you adjusted your headphones began to sing into the mic, a rush of euphoria hitting you as you perfected each vocal run. You’d settled on ‘Dreams’ by Fleetwood Mac, something you could easily grasp for your first song back. You made sure to record yourself with your phone whilst you were singing, so that you could add the audio to the clip. When you’d finished and were satisfied with how it sounded, you saved the clip and sent it to Kat.

Guess who’s finally back?

A few moments later, your phone pinged. OMFG, Y/N! You’re insane!! Post this, now.

You chuckled, shaking your head. Not just yet…

You packed your equipment away and wandered into the kitchen to make a snack. You swung the doors of the fridge open, spotting a rosy, red apple. You sliced it into segments and put them into a bowl, then cut up some mature cheddar cheese into cubes and popped them alongside. As you settled down onto the sofa and flipped the TV on, your phone pinged again. This time, it was Jake.

How is my gorgeous girl today? I am so excited to see you this weekend.

You instantly smile to yourself. Hey, Jakey. Really good thanks, had a productive day. How are you? I’m so excited to see you too.

A few seconds after you press send your phone screen lights up with a FaceTime call.

“I never get tired of seeing that face.” He beams. “What have you been up to that’s so productive?”

“Oh, you know, just helping Kat out with her admin and stuff.” You didn’t want to tell Jake that you sang, not wanting to draw attention to that part of your life.

“Nice, well we’re heading to the arena soon.”

“You’re in Denmark now, right?”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful here in Copenhagen. I’d love to take you sometime.”

You and Jake speak for the best part of an hour, about the tour so far, and where he’d take you when he had the chance. He learnt about the places of the world you’d been to and where you aspired to go.

“I’d love to visit the States. I’ve never been.”

“I’m sure I could show you one day.” He spoke with such a genuine smile, which made you feel like he really enjoyed your conversations. His eyes sparkled as you bared your soul to him, his heart growing fonder with each revelation.

“Come on man, we’re late!” You hear Josh’s voice boom from the screen. “Hello, Songbird.” Josh directs to you. “How is my favourite girl?”

Jake’s face visibly changes, his brows knitting together. You and Josh had formed quite a solid friendship over the last week, you almost spoke to him as much as Jake. He even called you a few times, once whilst your favourite Fleetwood Mac song was playing. You softly hummed along to “Songbird” whilst you listened to Josh talk, and ever since that’s been his pet name for you.

“Hi bestie, I’m good thanks.” You giggle.

“Fantastic! We miss you” He looks away and points at Jake “Dude, we’re leaving! Now! Bye, Songbird, I’ll call you later after the show?”

“Sure thing, Josh. Break a leg!” You respond. Jake looks back at the camera, his face still crumpled.

“I’ll talk to you later, bye beautiful.”

~

A few days later you were rushing around Kat’s flat, throwing clothes and toiletries between you.

“You have to wear this to the show, you’ll look so hot!” Kat winks, chucking a garment at you.

You pick up the white leather mini dress and hold it up to your chest. It’s strapless and skin tight, adorned with small, silver sequins and tassels hanging delicately across the hemline.

“Kat, this is STUNNING! I can’t wear this, I’d be too scared that I’d ruin it!”

“Well, tough shit. I made it for you.”

Your mouth falls open. “Katrina Chiara Romano, is that why you’ve been spending so much time in your workshop?!”

“What? I had to make sure my bestie looked fire when she watches her boyfriend play live.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” You smack her arm playfully. “Thank you so much, you sly dog!”

Once you’ve both packed, you haul your suitcases outside and into the taxi. As you settle into the car and the driver moves off, Kat grabs onto your hand and squeezes it. You both squeal in unison, both incredibly excited for what lies ahead. You make it to the airport and the whole process goes smoothly, which is never usually the case with you and airports. You hate flying, but the excitement bubbling in your chest takes your mind completely off the journey. You both board the plane and you run down the aisle to nab the window seat. Kat sits down next to you and you immediately pull your phone out to snap a selfie.

“Say, Greta Van Fleet!” You cheer, throwing up a peace sign and pouting.

When you land in Portugal, the temperature is a far cry from the frigid London air you’ve been used to. Even though it was Winter, the climate was balmy and you’re glad you didn’t pack all woolly jumpers and scarves. You and Kat retrieve your bags and walk through to collections, both of you scanning the open space for any sign of the boys. A wolf whistle pierces through the silence which makes you both jump, you follow the sound and your eyes land on a huge cardboard sign that reads “Greta’s Groupies”. You both run over to the boys with open arms, Sam swiftly enveloping Kat in a tight embrace. Josh darts out ahead of Jake and scoops you up in his arms, twirling you around as you shriek with laughter.

“Songbird!” He trills.

“Joshua! I’ve missed you so much.” You smile, then look over his shoulder and yell “I’ve missed you all! Yes, even you Sammy!”

Josh puts you down and Jake is at your side instantly, taking you in his arms and pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Hello, beautiful.” He smiles.

“Hi, Jakey.” You breathe, your head spinning with emotion.

The reunion continues with the boys handing out warm hugs to both you and Kat, rejoicing in your company. Sam takes Kat’s suitcase from her and begins to wheel it towards the door, signalling that it’s time to get going to the hotel. You turn to grab the handle of your suitcase and notice that it’s no longer behind you.

“Hey, where’s my suitcase?”

“I’ve got it, Songbird.” Josh smiles. Jake walks to his brother and reaches his hand out, which causes Josh to raise his eyebrow.

“Dude, I’ve got it. It’s fine.” Josh mutters.

“No. I’ll take it.” Jake pushes Josh’s hand, snatching the suitcase from his grip. You frown, confused at the situation. Josh mirrors your confusion, but shakes it off with a laugh and extends his arm out for you to take.

“Shall we?”

You all pile into the back of a limousine, which is far fancier than you expected.

“Guys, was this necessary? A limo? Come on.” You giggle.

“Only the best for our girls.” Josh winks, playfully elbowing you. Jake audibly huffs.

“Hey, man. What’s up with you?” Danny probes.

Jake shakes his head “Just tired, I guess.” You extend your arm out and squeeze his knee, provoking a small smile.

~

Once you’ve unpacked in your hotel room and have freshened up from your journey, you make your way along the hall to find the others. You’re not sure why you’ve been given your own room, you assumed that you’d be staying with Jake for the duration of the trip. As you reach Jake’s door and go to knock you hear raised voices from inside.

“What the fuck is your problem, Jake?”

“My problem is that you’re getting really fucking cosy with her, Josh. What are you doing? You know I like her and you know she likes me!”

“Will you get your head out of your ass!”

“You always do this! Why can’t you just let me have the limelight for once?”

“I’m sick of your attitude, she’s a friend, Jake! A friend of mine, a friend of yours, a friend of Danny’s, a friend of Sam’s. Stop it with the jealousy!”

“She’s not just a friend to me and you know that!”

You bolt out of the way quickly as you hear footsteps approaching and hide around the corner, not wanting them to know you’d heard their conversation. Jake slams the door shut and storms down the hall, thankfully not noticing you. You gingerly approach the door and knock. Within a few seconds, Josh answers.

“Hey, sorry, Jake isn’t here.” He rubs his hand across his face, smoothing his facial hair downwards.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, do you want to come in?”

You follow him inside and sit down on the sofa. The room is big, with a sizeable bar section. Josh walks over and points at the plethora of liquor.

“You want? I’m having one, so it’s only fair that you join me.”

“Sure, whatever’s best.” You smile. Josh busies himself making your drink and you look around the room. You spot several crumpled up pieces of paper on the desk, but your eyes are averted away by Josh placing a glass in front of you. He sits down beside you and takes a long sip from his glass.

“How was your flight, Songbird?”

“It was fine actually. I’m not the best flier, but I was so excited that I completely forgot I was in the air.”

“I used to hate flying, but when you’re on tour as often as we are you get accustomed to it pretty quickly.”

You smile at him, your gaze falling to your hands as you pick at your fingernails. “Where’s Jake?”

Josh looks like he isn’t sure what to say, he bites his lip and begins to speak but he’s cut off by the door swinging open.

“Hey, man. Look, I’ve had a breather and I think I-” Jake pauses as he spots you both sitting there. “What the fuck is this?” His eyes dart between you and the glasses on the table.

“She came looking for you and I invited her in to wait.” Josh stands, brushing his hands across his slacks. “I’ll leave you to it, need to get ready anyway.” He pushes past Jake and disappears through the door. You look up at Jake, titling your head. He immediately softens and comes to sit next to you, as he brushes past your legs you’re hit with the overwhelming scent of weed.

“Have you been smoking?”

“Yeah, needed something to take the edge off.” He stifles a laugh, then clears his throat.

“What is up with you two today?”

“Nothing. Why, what did he say?” Jake straightens, clearly uncomfortable.

“He didn’t say anything, it’s just obvious there’s some kind of… tension.”

Jake sighs and runs his hands through his hair “There’s nothing wrong, beautiful. Just pre-show nerves, gets to us sometimes is all.” He pats your knee. You know he’s lying, but you can’t let on that you heard their argument earlier, so you place your hand on top of his.

“You don’t have anything to be nervous about, I’ve seen you all play countless times and you fucking own that stage.”

His eyes turn dark, as if your praise has washed away any memory of his current feelings. He brings his hands to your face and pulls you to meet his lips. You accept his advances hungrily, allowing his tongue to lap against yours. He moves his hands to your waist and pulls you on top of him so you’re straddling his hips. As he manoeuvres you, you make slight contact with his belt and can’t stop the moan that escapes your lips at the friction.

“Don’t you praise me and then make those noises, I’ll have to cancel the show so I can fuck you into my mattress.” He breathes against the shell of your ear.

You inhale deeply, suddenly extremely turned on. It’s been weeks since you last had any contact with Jake, and you’re already wet just thinking about the dirty, awful things that you’ll both do together later.

“You can’t cancel the show, as much as I want you inside of me right now.”

Jake groans, pulling you into him harder. You gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Jake, don’t start something you can’t finish.” You whine, your chest heaving with arousal.

“Oh, I’ll fucking finish you later, sweetheart. I’ll show you just how much I missed you.”

~

The boys were ushered off for soundcheck and that left you and Kat to get ready. You both did your hair and makeup, sharing a bottle of pinot noir between you.

“You look fucking hot, Y/N.”

“Says you, Sam’s eyes will pop out of his head!” You giggle. Kat was wearing a black lacy corset that cinched her tiny waist, enhancing her curves. She paired the corset with a pair of silky high waisted electric blue trousers which contrasted her auburn hair perfectly. She zipped up your dress and handed you a deep burgundy lipstick.

“This will finish the look.”

You swipe it on and look at yourself in the mirror. You do look good…

“Time to go!” You grab her hand and squeal. The two of you make your way over to the arena, your VIP passes swinging around your necks as you canter along. The security guard at the door checks your passes and gives you the all clear, and another member of the security crew escorts you backstage. Sam is the first to notice you both, bobbing his head with his mouth agape.

“Well, aren’t you two a sight for sore eyes! Two fallen angels!” He hollers, wrapping an arm around you both.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Kiszka.” Kat winks.

Josh rounds the corner and theatrically falls to his knees, placing the back of his hand on his forehead.

“Be still my beating heart. You are exquisite, my darlings.”

He’s wearing one of his famous jumpsuits, with his chest exposed. Rhinestones adorn his cheeks, sparkling in the light with every movement. He’s so beautiful that it takes your breath away.

“Joshua Kiszka, look at you. Prettier than a picture.” You giggle, opening your arms out to him. Just then, Jake and Danny appear.

“Lauren, Kat, you both look stunning!” Danny beams.

“You look fucking hot, Danny.” Kat raises her eyebrows, smirking.

“Well, thank you. I’m blushing.” Danny playfully covers his face with his hands.

You meet Jake’s eyes, he’s looking you up and down like he would devour you right now in front of everyone if he could. He’s wearing his signature black suit, the jacket open and showing his tanned chest and silver chains. He beckons you over with a curl of his finger. You excuse yourself and walk over, and his hands find your hips instantly. He pulls you close and whispers into your ear “You look fucking beautiful, that dress… I can’t wait to take it off you later.”

“Sorry to cut this short, but we need to head backstage. Brian will take you to your seats.” Josh points across to the crew member. “See you on the other side!”

You and Kat wish them good luck and follow Brian out into the arena to your seats. They are by far the closest you’ve ever been to the stage, right opposite the walkway that you know Josh and Jake will both use during the show. It was so odd being here on this side, with a view of the space that would be filled with thousands of screaming fans. You were once one of them, and you’d been swept up so quickly on this journey that you hadn’t had time to process it yet. You sat, expressionless, staring into the void whilst your mind whirred with endless thoughts. Kat notices and snaps her fingers in front of your face.

“You good?”

“Yeah, just thinking about how crazy this all is. A few weeks ago they had no idea who I was, now we’re like… besties.” You laugh.

“I honestly have no idea how you pulled this off, but I’m glad you did. You’ve been happier than I’ve seen you in years, and that’s all I care about. It’s been shit watching the life be sucked out of you, you have your glow back now.” She smiles, wrapping her arms around you.

“What would I do without you?”

“Fucked if I know!” She giggles.

The arena begins to fill up and you watch the fans sprinting towards the barricade. It feels like just yesterday that was you. After around 30 minutes, the opening act appears on stage and starts their set. You sway along, enjoying their vibe. It’s the same band that opened in London, but this time you were able to remain focused and listen to how talented they were. A part of you felt a spark of envy, this was something you’d always wanted to do yourself but never had the confidence to pursue. A few songs in you feel a tap on your shoulder. It’s Brian.

“Miss Y/N, I’ve been requested to bring you back stage for a moment.”

You look to Kat. “Will you be ok for a minute?”.

She nods and ushers you towards Brian. You follow him down the steps and backstage. He leads you down the corridor and into a dressing room, where Jake is sitting. He stands as you enter.

“And what exactly do you want with me then, sir?” You smirk.

“I wanted to see you one more time before we go on.” He grabs hold of your hands and pulls you into him, his hands snaking around your waist. “You’re my good luck charm.”

“Is that so? I don’t think you need a good luck charm.”

His hands find their way to your face and he cradles it, then sweeps his fingers into your hair as he kisses you softly. You mirror his actions and entangle your hands into his chestnut locks, kissing him deeper. He gasps into your mouth and you feel his cock harden against your hips.

“Someone’s gagging for it.” You tease. He whips you around so your back is to him. With one hand on your throat, the other slips in between your legs. Your breath hitches in your throat as his fingers dance over your clothed clit.

“Keep teasing, sweetheart. You’ll be sorry later.”

The door swings open and you swiftly part, both looking sheepishly at Josh who has burst into the room. His face glows red and he averts his eyes.

“Uhhh, sorry… Thought you were alone. We need to head to the stage.”

Your hands fly up to your mouth as you attempt to muffle the laughter spilling from you. “Sorry, Josh. I’ll get back to my seat. You guys are gunna do great! See you after, my rockstars!”

~

The show is absolutely phenomenal. Just like you predicted, both Jake and Josh make full use of the walkway in front of you, strutting down it like they own the place. They steal the spotlight in their own special ways. Josh is flamboyant and eccentric in his movements and seems to glide across the stage, oozing charisma and charm. Jake, on the other hand, is just animalistic. The way he throws his head back and grinds into his guitar is quite frankly obscene, but you and every other girl in the room are completely mesmerised by it. If his mission was to arouse his fans, he was certainly fulfilling it. The way he locked eyes with some of the fans had you feeling a pang of jealousy, which you tried to keep buried deep down. It wasn’t until you saw him lean over the barricade to whisper into a fan’s ear that the jealously abruptly bubbled over. You saw red, balling your fists beside you until your knuckles were white.

“Hey, you ok?” Kat reaches down and puts her hand over your fist, and you immediately relax them.

“I don’t know what came over me, sorry.”

“Is it seeing Jake with those girls?”

“Yeah, but I’m being stupid. I’m not his girlfriend…”

“He’s sure treating you like you are.”

The night plays on and you witness a few more of these encounters between Jake and his female fans. Each time you feel your temper boil over, until you’ve finally had enough when you see him hand a pick to a pretty blonde. Luckily for you, the show is ending and they are finishing up their encore. You propel yourself from your seat and don’t even think about Kat as you storm down the steps. The band is making their way off stage as you round the corner. Jake calls out your name but you ignore him and keep walking down the corridor. You find the dressing room with Josh’s name on it and let yourself in, collapsing onto the sofa with a thud. A few moments later Josh appears.

“There you are, Jake was going out of his mind. I’ll go and-”

“No. I came in here on purpose. I don’t want to see him.”

Josh frowns and sits down next to you. “What’s happened, Songbird?”

“He’s been practically throwing himself at the girls in the crowd all night.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest. Josh places his hand on your thigh.

“I really don’t think that changes how he feels about you, it’s just for show.”

“It might not, but it’s still pissed me off. The worst part is, I don’t even have the right to be upset with him. I’m not his girlfriend, I don’t even know what this thing is between us. But he brought me here, and I thought…” you trail off, tears glistening in your eyes.

“Hey, he’d be a fucking fool to lose you, Songbird. Please don’t let it ruin your time here, and anyway, you have me.” He tilts your chin up to look at him and flashes you his signature toothy grin. You throw your arms around him and squeeze him tight. “God, I love you, Josh.”

“And I love you, Songbird. Come on, pick yourself up, we’re going out to celebrate.”

The whole ride to the bar you avoid eye contact with Jake, though he doesn’t stop trying to get your attention. As you’re mid conversation with Sam, Danny and Kat, you spot Jake and Josh having a hushed but heated conversation out of the corner of your eye. You just about make out Josh tell Jake to “not fuck it up, because Y/N is an angel walking the earth”. Your heart melts at the way he is standing up for you.

You’re the first to exit the cab and enter the bustling bar. There’s a live band playing and there are many people up dancing along to the rhythm. You walk over to the bar and immediately order a tequila soda, but as you go to pay Jake’s hand appears in front of you and hands the bartender a note.

“I said everything would be taken care of.”

You remain cold, not acknowledging his existence. You bring the straw of you drink to your lips and take a long sip, feeling the burn of the tequila slip down your throat.

“You gunna give me the cold-shoulder all evening?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” You respond, still not meeting his eye.

“Y/N. Look at me.” You ignore his request, taking another sip from your drink. His hand shoots out and grabs your chin, manoeuvring it so that you’re facing him.

“Talk to me.”

You shake your head. “I think I’m gunna go and dance.”

You remove the straw from your drink and down the rest, slamming the glass onto the bar and push past Jake to make your way to the dance floor. You find the rest of the guys there already, dancing along with Kat. You join in, shaking your hips to the rhythm and eliciting a wolf whistle from Sam.

“Damn, girl. You’ve got moves!”

With the tequila now in your system, your inhibitions are significantly lower. Your hand finds Josh’s and you tug on it until he’s face to face with you.

“Dance with me, pretty boy.”

He laughs and spins you around, then dips you down low. Your hands loop around his neck and his find your waist as your bodies move together to the music. You both shriek with laughter as you grind up against each other. You throw your hands up and slowly sway your hips side to side as you sink down onto your knees and back up again. Josh watches you, licking his lips. It’s clear he’s also under the influence, as usually it’s a lot more PG between the two of you. His hands find your waist again and he pulls you closer this time, his eyes darting between your eyes and lips. Suddenly, as if you both simultaneously realise what’s happening, you part. Josh rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I’m- I’m gunna go to the bathroom.” You mutter before exiting the dance floor. You hastily locate the single unisex stall and shut the door behind you. You lean against the sink and inhale deeply. What the fuck are you doing?

As you’re gathering yourself, the door swings open. Shit, you forgot to lock it. You spin around to find Jake standing there, nostrils flared.

“You wanna tell me what the fuck that was?”

“Jake, I’m-”

“My brother, Y/N?! I knew something was going on between you two!”

Suddenly you see red. “I beg your fucking pardon, Jake? There’s nothing between me and Josh! He’s my friend! And anyway, what about you and your fucking bimbo in the crowd?!” You spit.

He looks taken aback, not expecting that response from you, but quickly reverts back to anger.

“Is that what this is about? That’s nothing! I was being nice to my fans, Y/N. That’s all that was. God you sound just like her.” Before he’s finished speaking he already regrets the words that have fallen from his mouth. His eyes widen and he rubs his temples viciously.

“I sound like who?” You glare.

“Forget it. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not letting that go, fucking speak up.”

He sighs “My ex-girlfriend. I swore off dating when we ended things. She got so jealous of the life I lead, even though she knew what she was signing up for. I loved her, and she broke my heart. When I saw you with Josh, I thought history was repeating itself.”

“Her… and Josh?”

“No, it’s not like that. She tried it. Tried it with each of the guys. They didn’t do anything, so she just fucked the first person she could find instead. She did it all to get back at me, she thought I was sleeping with my fans. That’s not something I do, and not something I ever intended to do… until you. There’s something different about you, and although it scared me because of how badly my heart was broken, I couldn’t let you walk away.”

Your face falls. You’d been so stupid, thinking he’d drop you for the next girl that looked his way.

“Jake, I’m so sorry. I would never do that, I’m sorry that I got too close with Josh. That was never my intention. Maybe I wanted you to feel a bit jealous, but I would never ever cross that line. It was just harmless fun, or so I thought.”

“I really like you, Y/N. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t. I think… I think I’m falling for you and I can’t stop.” He closes the gap between you and caresses your cheek, his lips ghosting over yours.

“I think I am too.” You latch onto his shirt and pull him into you, your mouth melting into his. It feels like time slows to a stop, your lips on his and the way he’s holding you is all that matters. He’s like a shining beacon of light in a pitch black room. You break away at the sound of a knock at the bathroom door. A voice from the other side is speaking in Portuguese, a customer clearly needing to use the room for its intended purposes. As you exit the bathroom, the customer mutters under their breath. You don’t speak a lick of Portuguese but you’re certain they are complaining about the two of you being in there together. Jake walks ahead of you and re-joins the group who are now situated in a booth.

“Y/N and I are going to head back to the hotel, she’s not feeling too good.”

You begin to protest, but Jake flashes you a look. “Yeah, sorry guys. I hope you have fun.”

Josh shoots you an apologetic half-smile and you mouth don’t worry at him, then you bid your goodbyes and follow Jake out the door.

When you arrive at the hotel you expect Jake to split from you and go towards his room, but he walks behind you as you enter your room.

“I guess you’re coming in here then?”

His demeanour shifts as soon as the door is shut.

“Get on the fucking bed.”

You freeze, unsure of the change in atmosphere.

“I said, get on the fucking bed. Don’t make me ask again”

Your body goes into autopilot at the low boom of his voice, dripping in authority. You position yourself at the head of the bed.

“You’ve been a fucking brat tonight. Do you know what happens to brats?”

You shake your head, suddenly feeling like a deer in headlights.

“They get punished.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, his dominance causing a gush of arousal to pool inside of you.

“Turn around.” He barks.

You obey his command and he begins unzipping your dress, exposing your bare chest and thong. He twirls his index finger, signalling you to turn back around, then uses the palm of his hand pressed between your breasts to guide you back. He pinches your nipple between his finger and thumb, then rolls it slowly. You hiss at the sensation. He takes your nipple into his mouth and swirls his tongue around the hardened bud. Your back arches off the bed, it’s been weeks since you’ve felt him touch you like this and you need him like your lungs need air. With your nipple still in his mouth, he slinks his hand between your legs and begins to rub agonisingly slow circles over your pussy.

“So wet already, and I’ve only just begun.”

He releases your nipple with a pop and removes your thong. He pushes your legs apart so that you’re spread wide for him, then runs his fingers through your folds. Your hips buck up, so he uses his free hand to anchor your hips down. He dips his finger into your entrance and curls it up into your g-spot. You whine needily.

“More, Jake, please.”

“Uh uh, only good girls get to beg for more. You haven’t been a good girl, have you Songbird?” The use of Josh’s pet name for you in such a filthy way makes your eyes roll back into your head. He stops and withdraws his fingers from you, and you let out another whine.

“Answer me.”

“No, I haven’t been a good girl. I’m sorry Jakey.”

“Apologies won’t work on me tonight.”

He pushes his fingers back into you and begins to circle his tongue around your clit, picking up the speed until all you can hear is the sound of his fingers driving into your dripping cunt.

“Jake, I’m gunna cum.”

As you reach your peak and begin to pulse around him, he stops and sits up to watch the mess he’s created with the biggest, shit-eating grin on his face.

“Jakeeeeee!” You squeal. “Please, please. Let me cum!” Tears are forming in your eyes and you feel ridiculous.

“Cry all you want, princess. This is your punishment.”

“Please, I’ll be so good for you. Jakey, please.”

“You wanna be a good girl for me now then, hm?”

“Yes, I promise. I’ll be good.”

He stands and unbuckles his belt, letting it drop to the floor. He unzips his pants and removes them, along with his boxers. “Better put that smart mouth to good use then.”

You immediately drop to your knees in front of him and he sighs.

“Aren’t you a pretty picture, down there on your knees for me?”

You open up your mouth and swallow him whole, eliciting a moan from his lips.

“Fuck, baby girl.” He whispers through gritted teeth as you bob your head back and forth, taking his entire length into your throat. You want to give him your best, to prove to him that you’re willing to be good. His hand finds the back of your head and he grips onto your hair as you take him into your mouth. You can feel your eyes watering but you keep going, pushing through. Seeing his face contort with pleasure has you dripping down your thighs. You can feel he’s close when his cock begins to twitch in your mouth, so you quicken your pace, flattening your tongue and letting it slip along his length.

“Baby, I’m gunna cum.”

You rake your nails down the back of his thighs and he groans, his hips sputtering as he paints the back of your throat with ropes of his cum. You swallow it down and lick your lips, then rise to your knees and pull him into you. You kiss him and lap your tongue against his.

“You taste so good, don’t you baby?”

He grunts and guides you over to the bed, motioning for you to get on all fours. He pulls his shirt off and moves behind you, slipping his fingers inside of you.

“So fucking wet.”

He uses your slick to lube himself up and then pushes his cock inside you until he’s bottomed out. He thrusts into you at a delicious pace, his hand snaking around your hip to play with your clit.

“I wanna try something, just let me know if you are uncomfortable at any point.”

“Ok, I will.”

He brings his hand back around and sucks on his fingers, collecting his spit and then begins to rub circles around your back entrance. You jolt slightly, not expecting the sensation.

“Is that ok?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ve just never done this before. But I’m willing to try.”

He massages into you and then leans in and lets his saliva drip from his tongue onto you, then pushes a finger gently inside. It stings at first, but once you get used to the feeling you enter a new realm of arousal.

“Holy fuck” you breathe. “More.”

“Are you sure baby?”

“Yes, more. Fuck me harder too, please.”

He gently inserts another finger into you and picks up his pace, thrusting deeper. You let out a string of moans and curses, rocking backwards to meet his thrusts. He curls his fingers up inside you and you feel the white hot coil in your stomach tighten, threatening to unravel.

“Fuck, fuck. Jake that feels so fucking good.”

He drives into you faster, flicking his fingers up with every snap of his hips. Your whole body is trembling with pleasure, you didn’t think it was even possible to feel this level of ecstasy after your initial experiences with Jake. It felt so dirty and wrong, yet so right at the same time.

“Jake, I’m gunna cum!” You barely make out the words before you’re plunging into the most intense orgasm you’ve ever had. The dam inside you bursts and you gush around his cock, soaking everything in sight. As he pulls out of you, you hear him moan and he cums for the second time. You collapse onto your chest, still riding out your high. You lay there, chest heaving as you catch your breath. Jake sits on the bed next to you and brushes your hair from your face.

“That was… fucking amazing. I didn’t think you could make me cum any harder but, fuck.” You giggle hazily.

“You drive me crazy, Songbird.” Jake chuckles back. He tilts his head to the side and smiles softly.

“Shower?”

You prop yourself up and grin back at him.

“You know me so well.”

[codenamesazanka]

opinion on how deku is being thrown into shigaraki’s memories ?

I've said it before, but to sum it up: Lazy writing. Instead of making Deku work or even talk to discover what happened, it's being handed to him.

Also backing what @itsnothingofinterest said in this post:

I worry this could go beyond just “viewing” memories. It’s also possible Deku could start influencing Shigaraki’s recollection of events to make him more agreeable (for example, I saw someone suggest this could end with Deku saving Tenko from under the bridge instead of AFO) and I wouldn’t be a fan of that. Didn’t like when 2 out of 3 of our last League conflicts relied on mentally impairing them & I wouldn’t like it any more if it was how Deku resolved the conflict here.

But fine, whatever. He'll see the memories. He'll learn Shigaraki's damage. It's what he wanted; it's what he needs.

Thanks for the ask!

I call this lazy writing because

What we should’ve had was Deku and the UA students having to work and investigate and just talk and truly come to understand the Villains and why they are the way they are, the root causes and the bad days where they received no helped and all the tiny things that built up and led to the breaking point.

For Deku specifically, we spent all of Edgy Deku arc literally doing fuck all about ‘learn what makes Shigaraki tick deep down’ (Chapter 308), which is such a waste of an opportunity to explore—anything at all. Being cold and hungry and tired and alone, being feared and rumored to be a monster - would that make Deku reflect on a villain’s circumstances? lmao. Did he confront All Might and Gran Torino about the Shimura family, which might offer a clue? lmao. Did he request to talk to Mr. Compress, League Member and Shigaraki's Ally? lmao. The story skips over anything that might mean real effort to learn about Shigaraki, or would cause reflection.

What are we left with for Deku to discover why Shigaraki seems to be in pain? Forcing a Memory Transfer. Practically the only option left.

I know people will argue that that’s just how OFA/AFO works, it has always been hinted at, it's a good thing that Deku will finally understand what Shigaraki has been through. But it feels so unearned. He wants to save Shigaraki, he wants to learn about Shigaraki -> he doesn't do any work that contributes to this, instead he happens upon it via surprise psychic link.

If I was being generous, I might allow that he’s being rewarded on having faith in Shigaraki’s inner goodness… but that also isn't working because his faith has never been seriously challenged, unless you count Nana and Gran Torino giving their one (1) doomerism line and Shigaraki provoking him. There was Bakugou's 'death' that ShigAFO caused... but Mirio was able to immediately calm Deku down and then Bakugou came back alive before Deku began trying to pry open the lid so. net zero loss/gain there.

(I also feel like, if the memories should be handed to him like this, it should've been done earlier, and turned into an extra burden of a different sort? Deku's got all these memories, this sympathy—but everyone around him tells him, so what? Shigaraki has suffered, but so have other people. He has suffered, but now he creates suffering. His memories are irrelevant to the fact that he needs to be defeated; his memories will be useful in rebuilding society after the war, but Shigaraki himself is beyond saving. And Deku should've had to reckon with that.)

And if it's not lazy writing—

Shigaraki said those words about "the destruction of everything stemming from that house" in Chapter 379. It is now 416. The Shigaraki-Deku fight doesn't start properly until 410, fine—but through the past six chapters, Deku literally had to be psychically-physically in front of the damn house in order to reflect on Shigaraki's words.

This is because Deku refuses to talk and have a proper conversation with Shigaraki. Ever since the end of Jaku, Deku gets one glimpse of the Crying Child and knows Something Is Wrong, but because Shigaraki declines to just explain the rest of it to him, Deku doesn't ask.

(If you look at his previous 'saves', we can see no wonder - Deku gets the tragic backstories told to him. Todoroki straight up just reveals his family’s dark secret. Mandalay was able to explain what Kouta’s issue was, literally telling Deku ‘he’s not being raised normally, he’s an orphan with dead hero parents’. The full extent of Eri’s abuse is revealed via official Hero investigation and deductions about Overhaul’s operations - which I like best because it flowed more naturally, with the horror element dawning on the characters. Deku learns not from Hawks about the crimes of the HPSC, it's only because Nagant herself exposed it to him. The Aoyama reveal is largely by Hagakure/accident/carelessness on his parents’ part.

I think Gentle is the only guy he sympathize with without knowing the full extent of his backstory?)

Does Deku, now unable to "ignore what he saw," ask Shigaraki "Hey, what do you mean by 'that house'?" Does he actually ask out loud, "Shigaraki! Why can't you let go of that lonely past?" Does he ever go, "Hey, I saw you and you were so sad. Why? And what happened to that dog?"

No. Deku makes statements about saving Shigaraki, about wanting to save that Crying Child, about how Shigaraki is a person, but all those are cool one-liners, and they feel barely even directed at Shigaraki himself.

Remember how in Chapter 360, Mirio asks ShigAFO why he destroys, and he gets an answer? Remember how Mirio engaged with ShigAFO, and that led to Tenko surfacing to angrily retort he does have friends? Asking questions has proven to have an effect!

And you can't say "Shigaraki is refusing to open up," when Shigaraki has been so chatty. You also can't just dismiss this by theoretically saying "Shigaraki would never open up, it's pointless to try, it's a guaranteed failure," when Deku literally hasn't tried, cross it off the list before moving on. Deku is just not engaging with the guy in front of him, but rather just looking for the Crying Child, and at best that's him being the world's most incurious guy, and at worst being a condescending ass.

[igotanidea]

The fear: Jason Todd x fem!reader part 4

part 1

part 2

part 3

Driving back to Gotham was…. Intense. A lot of memories started creeping inside Y/N mind, both wanted and unwanted, good and bad. Most of them were about her time with batboys, all the fun and fear combined, but on the other part there were recollections of her father’s lab, late nights working on some chemicals and substances.

Even the weather seemed to fit into her melancholic mood, since satisfying Gotham notoriety as the most depressing city in the world it started heavy raining the second she get into the car…..

“Oh, boys…. What did you got yourself into this time?” she sighed, trying to focus on the road.

One year ago.

The boys were out, as usual, doing their usual crime-fighting vigilante shit. All four of them, even if Y/N and Babs were repeatedly warning Bruce that making them work together was not a good idea. However, Batman was not known for his listening-to-reason skills. Instead of changing plans, he decided to involve Cass and Steph into the mission as well, treating them like some sort of safety valve in case his sons really started fighting themselves.

Chemist and Oracle stayed in the batcave, in front of the computer, shaking their heads in disapproval as they watched how the patrol was going. Bruce and Dick dealt with the problem head-on, Jason went rouge and solo within first five minutes, Tim was trying his best to hold back Damian, who became unhinged with his katana and only Cass and Steph were doing good work.

“This is a disaster….” Babs muttered rubbing her forehead

“Yeah, tell me something new.” Y/N muttered, biting on the cracker. She never cared about Bruce’s rule prohibiting food in the cave. “Maybe we should use…..”

“Y/N…..” Babs warned the other girl

“What?” Y/N shrugged “you know my mixtures never fail. And look at them, they are going to get hurt…”

 “They always get hurt. Shall I remind you, your boyfriend got so badly hurt he actually died?”

“Well thanks for the reminder, Oracle. Do you wish for Dick to go through the same or do you want to actually be a life safer?”

“They would hate our interference….” Babs smiled mischievously

“And?” Y/N smirked, her eyes glistening

“Let’s do this.”

So the girls took matters into their own hands, sending one of Wayne’s remotely controlled robot loaded with Y/N’s chemicals to remedy the situation. Thankfully, all the Waynes were quick enough to wrap their heads around what was happening to cover their faces and not inhale any of it. Within seconds, all the criminals were unconscious on the ground.

“That’s a win for us, Babs!” Y/N smiled and high-fived her friends.

“Y/N……” Bruce warning tone reverberated in the comms.  

“Oh, shit…..”

***

“Why am I the only one here? Babs was involved as well!” the second Batman got back from mission he summoned Y/N to have a conversation. And now, she was facing him, all alone, trying not to become intimidated.

“We both know it was your idea. You really know how to mess around.”

“And that makes me a perfect addition to the family, doesn’t it?”

“Y/n…..” Bruce sighed deeply. He hated to admit it, but he had soft spot for her.

“What, Bruce? Why are you like this? You know well enough you were outnumbered there. You had zero chances, even if you decided to work together. What was I supposed to do? Watch you all get beaten to death? I’ve …. I’ve been through it once when Jay….. “ she inhaled calming herself down. That was in the past. “Sorry.” She shook her head getting rid of the memories. That was not the way to convince Bruce “When you took me in, after my parents went haywire, the only thing I wanted was to be useful, to help. I am not a front-line fighter, but ever since I’ve been doing my best. Having your backs. And now you want to punish me for this?”

“I don’t want to punish you.” Bruce whispered

“What? You don’t?”

“No. It was a good call.”

“Um…. Thank you?”

“You can go now. “

“If that’s your way of thanking me, then you are welcome.” she smirked and Bruce mimicked this expression “Are you all right, Bruce? Anything broken?”

“I’m fine. But if there’s any of that healing serum of yours left then…..”

“I was supposed to save it for Jay, but he would probably refuse to take it, damn his ego.” Y/N shrugged “and since you asked so nicely….” She reached to her pocket and retrieved a small vial tossing it to Batman “enjoy.”

***

“Oh, there she is. Finally. I see you handled Bruce by yourself.” Jason was already in his room, laying on the bed on his back, turning towards the door when she came through them.

“I’ve been doing it for the last couple years. Unlike someone else I know, I learn from experience.” She came closer and sat on the bed, close enough to see his face in the dim room but not enough for him to touch her.

“Someone else, huh?” Jason scoffed trying to grab her, but hissed in pain and fell back immediately “Fuck.”

“Mhm. You’re just proving my point here. Stay down.”

“I thought you preferred me on top.” He smirked devilishly

“On top of your stupidity, for sure.” She rolled her eyes, but moved just a tiny-teeny bit closer.

“In comparison to anyone else in this family I am practically a genius.”

“A genius in the kindergarten.”

“Still, a genius.” He groaned when the change in position made the injured part of his abs hurt.

“Where does it hurt?” she asked calmly

“Nowhere.”

“Stop it, you fool. I told you hundreds of times – you don’t have to act stronger than you really are when you’re with me.”

“I don’t. I am the strongest one in the family.”

“The strongest and the smartest? God,  how did I get so lucky to end up with you?”

“I keep asking myself the same question.”

“How did I get so lucky with you?” she raised an eyebrow in confusion

“Oh, you silly one….” He smiled and lifted himself up a bit (surprisingly noting hurt at the moment) capturing her lips in his. The kiss was soft, slow and gentle. He was never good with words, but his actions spoke for themselves and she knew it.  She loved him and he loved her. He pulled away after a few seconds and cupped her cheek, connecting their foreheads “tease….” He whispered

“Look who’s talking.” Her hands sneaked up his arms and shoulders, locking on his neck not wanting to let him go, not just yet. Enjoying this little moment just between two of them, without interruption of his family, or the work or some sort of emergency.

“I missed you.”

“How could you missed me, if you saw me a few hours ago?”

“I don’t know. But I did. Can’t hold that against me. ” Jay rubbed her cheek affectionately.

“Good thing I missed you too, Jaybird.”

“Stay with me? I might need some comfort after I got so badly bruised.”

“I thought you were the strongest in the family?”

“And that is why you should stay with me. If anything happens I am the only one to protect you…..”

“I’ll stay with you” she pecked his lips quickly and he smiled lightly “but only because I want to see if you can live up to your words. Now scooch over, I need some place for myself if….”

“Oh, no, you don’t….” he grinned and pulled her on top of him, so that she was lying fully on his chest, his arms tightly wrapped around her, his breath steady and calming.

“Jay, what about your injuries…..”

“Irrelevant.” He muttered holding her even closer “You’re my only focus now. “

***

Now

She stopped her car in front of Wayne Manor,  a tad anxious, not sure if she should rush to the door or rather prolong the moment of seeing him again. However, considering all the security cameras and her bat-friends instincts they already knew she was there. No turning back now she thought to herself and gathering all her confidence walked towards the door.

“Hello, Alfred” she smiled when familiar face showed on the other side

“Hello, miss Y/N. Welcome home.”

@pinksirensong

to be continued

Part 5

@shadow-pancake9

@lwtmonster91

@your-local-cryptid87

@@princessbl0ss0m

[sodium-chloride-blog]

Forgot to type up the red team face hc's thought process, but I'm back from Quebec now, so...

Sarge was — fittingly — the biggest enigma. His design came to me almost instantly, and he went through basically zero changes. Somehow I realized there wasn't really anything for me to add except for maybe a few extra scars as time went on. The first design felt accurate right off the bat.

Somehow I just knew the first design I drew up for him was also the only design necessary. dude just looks like that.

I had a bit of a harder time figuring out what to do for Grif, but I had a few designs I had in mind and used them all the same way I did for Tucker.

Shorter hair in BGC like everyone else, except I gave him some stubble too because Grif would 100% rarely ever bother to shave.

Obviously added the stitches where Sarge used bits of Simmons to stitch Grif back together.

Hair grown out by the time the Recollection trilogy starts up, casually tied up in a messy bun because Grif definitely wouldn't put in the effort to cut it.

Finally a full on ponytail and much more facial hair by Chorus by the time he's matured and gained some confidence.

I was admittedly a little conflicted on whether to give Grif a bun for Recollection or Chorus, since putting his hair up might have been visually symbolic of his character development as he starts to put in effort for things/people he cares about. I'm still unsure if I made the right call leaving the bun in Recollection Grif's design and letting his hair grow out in Chorus.

Lopez is just Lopez lmao

Simmons felt somewhat easier since I had a clearer idea of what I wanted him to look like from beginning to end.

Same military-appropriate length haircut in BGC as everyone else.

Freckles because they just fit perfectly on him.

Awkward nerd smile, complete with dimples and long face/nose for maximum nerdy charm (or lack thereof).

Slightly grown out hair but not too much by Recollection, plus he has the cybernetic replacements on his face now. I tried to make the pupil on his cyborg eye more rectangular than his natural eye but I don't think it's very noticeable.

Finally grew out his bangs. I was torn between this haircut and the shorter, nerdier one, so I used them both. Plus he finally grows some facial hair by Chorus as he matures into his own person.

I like the idea that Simmons gradually growing his hair out past what the acceptable length is in the UNSC is a good representation of how he's grown as a person and doesn't adhere to the rules as strictly as he did in BGC. Something about becoming less of a suck-up and gaining confidence in his own choices and leadership.

Thought it would be a neat detail that he eventually gets a scar through the eyebrow that matches the one I gave Sarge.

Please please PLEASE tell me someone noticed where Grif and Simmons are each looking.

I struggled with Donut's design the most since he seems to have the most variation in design. I knew I wanted baby-faced blonde for BGC but coming up with a design that felt right afterwards was rough.

I ended up going through a few sketches for Donut before settling on a face with rounded cheeks and nose for a sort of boyish look.

By Recollection he has the face scars thanks to the plasma grenade. I ended up keeping Donut facing left even though it covered the hearing aid since I didn't want to throw off the balance on the page. (sorry)

I also had to give him an ear piercing. I just had to.

Some hair probably got burned off thanks to the explosion, so I imagine Donut probably gave himself an undercut on the undamaged side to make the hairstyle symmetrical. I don't think Donut had access to any hair dye during Recollection, so chances are his roots started to grow out.

By Chorus I wanted him to fully accept his face scars, so he ditched the eyepatch by then. Self love, baby.

His eyebrow on his scarred side has somewhat grown back by then, but not completely. The same goes for Donut's hair, though I imagine it grew out just enough for Donut to settle on a very stylish slicked back undercut, cuz y'know. 🫳💁‍♂️✨🌈

Donut got most of his character development post-Chorus during The Shisno Trilogy which is... Technically retconned now(?) thanks to Reconstruction coming out this Fall, so the last design for Donut probably would have fit season 15-17 more than Chorus when he really grew into his own. However, I think the design still works for Chorus to show how he matured over time.

ngl I kinda just threw something together for Doc. I couldn't really think of a design for him since there's a LOT of variation online. I'm not entirely happy with it, but it'll do for now unless I come up with something better later.

Maybe I'll draw more rvb characters sometime... Maybe the AI?

[emphistic]

Hello, I hope you’re doing well! I just had some thoughts and questions to ask you if that’s alright

In your Sukuna series, if Sukuna didn’t fall for reader or if it was some other woman he didn’t fall for, would he have unapologetically continued to hurt them in the end? Because if so, that’s kind of gross, you know? It’s just sort of gave me an ick towards him to see how he really didn’t receive much consequences for his actions. I mean, I know he was devastated that reader left him and all, but does it really matter when she ended up getting back together with him in the end? It’s like, sure Sukuna got hurt but the person who got hurt worse was reader for becoming humiliated and betrayed like that from someone she genuinely grew to love and I don’t think Sukuna can ever make it up to her enough for it. And this bet started out because of his pride (I think), right? How much of his pride is he going to continue to let it hurt her, because I don’t think this incident is enough to make him change this flaw of himself without having them both distance away from each other for a long time before getting back together. I hope this makes sense!

Also, these are just my genuine questions and thoughts and genuinely meant to open up a friendly conversation and isn’t meant to come of as mean towards you in any way! I really enjoyed the series and just wanted to share you my thoughts

Hi, yes that's totally fine with me!

"In your Sukuna series, if Sukuna didn’t fall for reader or if it was some other woman he didn’t fall for, would he have unapologetically continued to hurt them in the end?"

Ah, no. (This honestly made me sit and think for a while because i realized how much of a dick i wrote Sukuna's character out to be lmao)

Sukuna got into the bet while drunk and exhausted, so if the object of the bet was someone Sukuna didn't have feelings for, i dont think Sukuna would even remember starting the bet the next morning, and therefore, would never partcipate in it

Let's just assume Naoya reminds him about the bet, i really think Sukuna would actually have zero recollection and would completely ignore the kid

But if i played devil's advocate, and Sukuna did remember the bet the next morning, he wouldn't continue with it because — despite his character — Sukuna would find it a complete waste of time to pretend to love someone he didn't

Either way, nonnie, the only reason Naoya proposed the bet to Sukuna in the first place was because Naoya knew Sukuna had a partiality towards Reader. Naoya knew Sukuna was drunk and dumb, and that the bet would end up hurting Sukuna if he went through with it (Naoya's objective all along was ruining Sukuna's life, if you never noticed)

So, despite your concern, Naoya would never have paid Sukuna to take out someone Sukuna didn't have feelings for

"I mean, I know he was devastated that reader left him and all, but does it really matter when she ended up getting back together with him in the end?"

I actually left the ending sort of ambiguous, contrary to popular belief

It's not explicitly stated that they get back together, however, it's strongly implied that Reader forgives Sukuna (since, yk, homegirl hugged him and all)

But the part about them immediately getting back together as a couple is honestly up to the reader (i like to think they stayed as friends for maybe a week or two before getting kissy kissy again 🤷‍♀️)

"I don’t think Sukuna can ever make it up to her enough for it."

I agree, hundred percent

"And this bet started out because of his pride (I think), right?"

Yes.

"How much of his pride is he going to continue to let it hurt her, because I don’t think this incident is enough to make him change this flaw of himself without having them both distance away from each other for a long time before getting back together."

That is actuslly so funny!! Great minds think alike, because I was originally going to have them be broken up for a way longer time, and then write their (eventual) getting back together, whether as only friends or back as an actual couple . . . I never did that ending because i honestly forgot about that idea (silly me)

uhh i actually disgree with the "I don’t think this incident is enough to make him change this flaw of himself" part

imo, i think this incident was sufficent enough to really turn the gears of his mind and make him realize how stupid he was, i mean, just take a look at his essay of an apology (that i put my blood, sweat, and tears into writing)

"Also, these are just my genuine questions and thoughts and genuinely meant to open up a friendly conversation and isn’t meant to come of as mean towards you in any way!"

Dont worry girl, i get you

I love love love when people talk to me about my writing, because it gives me a chance to really explain things that didnt make it onto the final draft

"I really enjoyed the series and just wanted to share you my thoughts"

Thank you so much!!

Of course, that's always perfectly fine with me!