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#and i honestly hope you can say the same
kacievvbbbb · 26 days
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I think it’s interesting how as time goes on Zoro kind of becomes more and more like mihawk in some ways whether that’s just because if you spend time with someone for 2 years you’re bound to pick up their habits or a deliberate attempt to emulate him is a conversation for another time. And Mihawk and Zoro where already pretty similar at the start so it’s a little hard to notice now.
But yeah whether unconsciously or consciously Zoro is becoming a bit more like Mihawk and it’s interesting to think that while this means maturing in some ways (he’s swordsmanship for one but he’s also just quieter much more assured of himself) it also means deaging in some others.
Despite their significant age gap and general dispositions, when it comes down to it Zoro is just a lot more emotionally mature and developed than Mihawk is. And a big part of why is because he found something larger than himself to devote his life too, hell Mihawk himself even kind of acknowledges this when he agrees to take Zoro on as a student when Zoro begs for the sake of his captain and crew. He acknowledges that putting aside his own ego and dreams for the sake of someone else isn’t something he can do and sees it as a fault in himself and a strength in Zoro.
Mihawk may be outwardly mature and his skills defiently did not stagnant but I’d wager that Mentally Mihawk is still stuck at the same age he was when he took over the title of world’s strongest swordsman. Honestly maybe even younger. And it isn’t until training Zoro, letting Perona stay with him, for probably the first time in his life taking charge of lives outside his own did he finally unarrest his development.
If Zoro is purposely trying to emulate Hawkeyes, which it wouldn’t be a surprise if he was that’s who he’s trying to be Afterall, then it would honestly set him back emotionally because fundamentally as he is now Mihawk’s attitude doesn’t work in a crew. It’s too singular, too abrasive. And while that abrasiveness can be useful in Zoro’s role as Luffy’s first mate sometimes it makes him a little too callous a little too apathetic, like with his disregard for Luffy’s sadness over vegapunk.
But Zoro has his crew to temper that, they are honestly just too ridiculous to ever stay serious around. And try as he might to hide it Zoro is also just a silly dude who likes to be horrifically petty with his opponents. And zoro still has so much fire in him, so much he has too prove and so much he wants to protect to ever really fall into Mihawk’s apathy. Zoro has Luffy who even after they reach their dreams will probably still continue to turn the world upside down forever keeping Zoro in some kind of trouble and his life interesting.
Zoro can’t be Mihawk because even Mihawk can’t be Mihawk anymore. Being with crossguild and crossing with the Red hair pirates and the strawhats is going to change him, it has too. if Mihawk is going to live after losing his title he’s probably gonna have to become a little bit more like Zoro.
#can you tell how much I like the phrase arrested development#mihawk is essentially mentally still a teenager and honestly that tracks#in psychology terms he never developed his super ego#everytime I write a long post I’m so scared that I didn’t make any point at all and it’s just a bunch of jumbled nonsense and half points#so I hope this made sense 😭#zoro and Mihawk are great they are so alike yet the little differences matter so much#don’t you just hate when people say Zoro has no character arc?#they aren’t even two sides of the same coin they are literally just Son learning from the mistakes of his father#I can’t lie before I really got into timeskip I also thought the changes in zoro was just Oda choosing to rewrite him diffenrtky more badas#I also missed the loud smiling and laughing zoro but the truth is that he’s still there#and maybe it is just Oda deciding to make Zoro cooler but it’s honestly so in line with who he already was and makes so much sense given#who he was training with that it still works as character development#zoro can still be loud and silly and maybe his digs are not said instead of screamed and maybe his smiles are a little meaner instead of#genuine and maybe he doesn’t laugh out loud anymore but honestly sometimes thats part of growing up#Zoro is the way he is so Luffy can be who he is that’s why they work. somebody’s got to take it seriously#somebody’s got to feel the weight of being an emperor’s crew. might as well be Zoro#one piece#throwing thoughts to the void#zoro appreciation post#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#roronoa zoro#zoro#character analysis#one piece meta#goth fam#goth family#one piece goth family#the strawhats#strawhat pirates
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turtleblogatlast · 10 months
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I’ve gone on and on about how Leo wants to be who Splinter finds is the ideal person (which just so happens to be Splinter’s ideal version of himself) but I have yet to really touch upon how Donnie is the one who most directly parallels Splinter himself to an honestly shocking degree, Raph’s taking from Splinter’s teachings and parenting has resulted in an unhealthy mixup in the different dynamics of a family versus a team, and Mikey is the one who is simultaneously the most focused on family and the most intrinsically himself which both leads to his better grasp of mystics and honestly what just might be the healthiest dynamic with Splinter.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#it’s late so I’m just speaking from the top of my head haha#anyway yeah#the Donnie Splinter parallels are crazyyy tho#I always see ppl say Leo is just like splinter but no Leo WANTS to be like splinter but he’s more a Karai#meanwhile Donnie exhibits many of Splinter’s traits and behaviors#basically Leo has taken on many perceived Lou Jitsu attributes#including his stance his most flaunted skills and his overall demeanor#while honestly being more of a quiet and determined soul at his core that is most like Karai - with the same hope and love for family#we see the more Karai aspects of Leo throughout the series but most blatantly with Future Leo’s portrayal and how Casey Jr talks about him#Donnie though - rather than Lou Jitsu he has many Hamato Yoshi attributes#it’s funny too because Donnie ALSO parallels Draxum in many ways#(you know who else does albeit to a much lighter extent? Mikey)#make no mistake I super wanna get into Raph having a hard time separating team and family and just sorta jumbling them together#but that mindset can be unhealthy!#SHOULD I GET INTO HOW RAPH ALSO PARALLELS HAMATO SHO IN SOME WAYS AS WELL AS ATSUKO#not to mention his direct parallels to OROKU SAKI HIMSELF#and Mikey - I actuallly have a touched briefly upon how his individuality and sense of self has led to his greater control of mystics#but I do think it’s interesting that he has arguably a more healthy relationship with splinter than the others as well?#idk it’s late#and I may be talking about nonsense BUT#I gotta stop here bc I’m very sleepy but I’ll probably be back in these tags rambling more later lol#would just like to add that splinter loves them all very much he is just a flawed and depressed man with a lot of untapped trauma#which unfortunately ends up affecting his boys to different degrees
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watcherintheweyr · 5 months
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desperately need people to understand that alicent is a victim but she’s also an abuser and a perpetrator
that she actively makes choices to harm other women because of jealousy and envy and the greed deep in her bones because submitting to suffering didn’t get her what those women fight to grasp for themselves.
she is absolutely a victim, in show.
that doesn’t change that she abused rhaenyra and her children, her own son, most likely helaena given how she flinches every time her mother touches her, and is actively weaponizing the patriarchy of westeros against other women- rhaenyra primarily, but also mysaria and dyana.
she isn’t the moral, righteous force of good that even she thinks she is, she’s a wounded woman directing all of the rot, pain, and fury inside her at the wrong people and forces.
#anti team green stans#anti team green#anti alicent hightower stans#i don’t wanna say it’s anti alicent bc honestly it’s more ‘accept her for who she is bc she’s so much more complex and interesting when you#but i made this bc someone genuinely tried to say that the reason people hate her is that they don’t see her as a victim#most rational people know show!alicent is a victim#it’s the point that’s she’s an abuser as well#that makes them dislike her#that she’s a hypocrite and a traitor#i don’t even like young alicent bc i don’t at all think she was a good friend to rhaenyra#‘it’s not your place to question the plots of lords and men’ to the named heir#dismisses rhaenyra’s hopes and idealism entirely out of hand#is baffled that rhaenyra is more worried for her fathers happiness and mother’s wellbeing than her position#she knew as early as ep 3 that otto was conspiring against rhaenyra and never told anyone#condemns ‘targaryen customs’ only to wed her daughter to her son even younger than she was when otto dangled her before viserys#acts entitled to rhaenyras secrets whilst condemning and judgemental even though she did not give rhaenyra that same courtesy#made no attempt at apology for the insensitive comment of aegon’s birth#though rhaenyra DID try to apologize for the ‘imprisoned in a castle’ line and tried to comfort her#uses her power as queen to push past the space rhaenyra is trying to create because she feels heartbroken and betrayed#rhaenyra took part in alicent’s culture with prayer at alicent’s urging because she cared about alicent and alicent was trying to help her#alicent is never once shown to return that favor instead condemning it for ‘queerness’ and growing to later#erase and remove all targaryen and valyrian heraldry from the red keep to replace with her own#like alicent is a victim and i DO have empathy for her. but i don’t like her and never will#especially not after the way her stans behave#she deserved better than otto’s machinations and viserys’…. viserysness#but that can also be true whilst i condemn her actions and behaviors
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statementlou · 3 months
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https://www.tumblr.com/louisupdates/754934426217152513/goodbye-faith-in-the-future-world-tour-272024?source=share
did he or did he not lose fans then?
I will answer this because this anon actually brings a concrete question to the table rather than just "hurhur but you're a larrie??" (tell me you can't actually refute any of our points…). Anyway this post shows the decrease in Louis instagram followers between the screenshots taken directly after the release of Faith in the Future in Nov '22, when he changed his bio to promote that album and the tour tickets, and now, when he changed it again to mention the current release. But I'm putting that response under a cut because I'm tired of the actual POINT of all this nonsense getting lost in a sea of made up things people insist are important:
There is no rational argument you can make to say that Louis has less fans now than he did 2, 4, or 6 years ago. You don't need a spreadsheet of details you need to USE YOUR EYES! He has gone from filling theaters to filling arenas and stadiums. His second album made a higher chart position than his first album. His festival has doubled in size EVERY year of its existence. And for that matter: his insta post engagement numbers remain about the same (despite the fact that older posts should have way MORE likes due to having been there longer, even aside from follower counts.) SO WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT HIS INSTA FOLLOWER NUMBER???? Serious question: what does the word "fans" mean if these things aren't what matters? ALL of this quibbling about what he should do to make things better and people can't even see that THINGS AREN'T BAD.
Anyway to address the specific question- (con't......)
NO- HE DID NOT LOSE FANS. HE LOST SOME INSTA FOLLOWERS. THESE ARE NOT THE SAME THING. As I said above, literally what does it mean to lose fans if that number change coincides with him having higher sales, more audience members, and higher engagement than ever before? Whatever he lost ISN'T FANS. I wouldn't be surprised if a significant factor was something like a bot purge, but also yes: I'm sure a lot of casuals followed him around the time of his big album release and later unfollowed him. That's extremely normal because that's how casual engagement works, and why the definition of fan really matters. Louis and his team understand this and have referenced it repeatedly, talking about how lucky he is to have *us* specifically, to have the kind of dedicated fanbase he has, to have the KIND of fans he does who will allow him to do what HE wants. @dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram named the issue of depth vs breadth with regard to fans a long time ago, and pointed out why having DEPTH is so much more important. It's like this- artists who are on top 40 radio have more numbers on things like insta follows, and for a time on sales and tickets. But those aren't FANS- they're people with a casual interest. And as soon as that person isn't being forced in their ears 10x a day, those people lose interest and stop supporting them, stop buying stuff and unfollow, and those artists end up doing the 'opener on the jingle ball' circuit rather than their own tours. One Direction as a whole, and Louis maybe most of all or near to at this point, have something MUCH MORE VALUABLE than that- DEPTH FANS. Louis has fans who will support him even if he takes years to release music, or stops parading around with a pretend girlfriend to stay in the headlines at least once a month, or completely changes his image and genre, and that is UNHEARD OF. It's ASTONISHING and worth SO MUCH MORE. And they get that! THAT is why he always bragging about us, why industry people he works with are always so agog about us, why he will do anything for US- not for randos. He is also growing his breadth- and it's OBVIOUSLY WORKING whatever his follower counts are, but that is always going to be secondary to doing things for THE FANDOM because that is his sustainable business model. That is what keeps him onstage and reaching number one. And not coincidentally, the things they do are also working to grow that- much more valuable- commodity. So the fact that that's exactly what these chuckleheads complain about- that he does things that are just fandom facing or serving rather than everything being aimed at recruiting casual fans- does nothing but betray how completely they, unlike Louis and his team, misunderstand the actual drivers of his (actual, existing, happening) success. Luckily for Louis, he and his team rely on their own data harvesting (they do a LOT of it) and growth metrics (they're off the charts) rather than the smug assumptions of random (mostly quite new to this) fans and the few bitter people leading the complaining about everything Louis does.
#louis promo#all this nonsense about this tag or that tag or this or that number is so getting lost in the trees#when the forest is RIGHT HERE: WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS WORKING#so for now#I'm pretty done with this discussion unless someone actually engages meaningfully with the content of anything I'm saying#rather than just repeating the same things- but he needs to tag more! or the even more boring-#but you're a larry! if you send me a bitchy response that doesnt actually address any points I've made#I will assume it is because I'm right and you have no rebuttal other than to act like a preschooler because deep down you know it#honestly the discourse around this makes me feel a little sad and scared about the state of literacy and reading comprehension#and just general analytical thinking#but I hope its just that no one over 15 spends their time sending hate anons about fandom#if I'm wrong please come engage in actual conversation! but otherwise... let's just... not#blah blah blah#anyway there's a reason Louis is always so afraid no one will be there for him and that he started out solo era playing those radio fests..#because we are IMPROBABLE we are UNBELIEVABLE we are NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN EXPECT OR COUNT ON#and making nurturing and maintaining that his number one priority ALWAYS is extremely correct and smart#actually#I was originally going to be like here are when there were bot purges here are other artists that have seen numbers go down etc#but then I was like WAIT WHO CARES. You're letting these people dictate the conversation... but the premise is stupid#it DOESNT MATTER#depth v breadth
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A Softer Trigun, part 20/?
pt. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23
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“because he never accepts that it's never been about righteousness--it's about repentance.” except javert killing himself IS repentance.
well, it’s like 12 different things, because bro had gone days without sleeping and very little food and water and he already had low self-worth and kept asking the amis to kill him and just assumed he was going to die AND THEN valjean upended his understanding of the world and morality. he was really going through it & there are a lot of overlapping reasons for why he jumps into the seine.
but javert is like Number One Most Responsible guy in the whole story. taking responsibility is his Thing (forever bitter the musical doesn’t include the punish me monsieur le maire scene). how else, in his derailment, could he atone for his conceived misdeeds other than by handing in his resignation to god? in the brick he had already left a note urging his superiors to treat convicts at toulon better, which is another step in his repentance (and another crime the musical commits by not including it). jumping into the seine was another step.
honestly a lot of ppl who like the book think the musical was dead wrong to exclude him from the big heaven group sing, because it COMPLETELY undermines the themes of forgiveness and compassion threaded throughout les mis. like the musical was simply wrong lol.
This is helpful context! I am still finishing the brick, although I have fully read the abridged version, and that detail about the letter wasn't included, so I didn't know that occurred! (And thank you for the message--this is a long response but I'd love to hear more of your thoughts!)
I agree that Javert is certainly deeply distraught and remorseful; like you mentioned, his worldview is literally falling apart, and his actions reflect his mental state. But his death isn't really repentance--in the sense that it's not what God would have wanted. To me it reads like a Judas situation: a desperate realization of a huge mistake, and doing the only thing you think can make it right, namely, ending it all. That's the just punishment for someone so wrong, isn't it?
But true repentance, meaning the repentance that the Lord desires, is about changing your ways, not "paying a price." Had Javert really understood the beauty of Valjean's mercy (an image of Christ's, just as the bishop's undeserved mercy was to Valjean himself), rather than killing himself, he would have lived to also become "an honest man"--in heart. One who could forgive and understand forgiveness, for himself as well as others. One who could recognize that he is not The Law, that he can fall, but that he can also be "brought to the light." One who could accept that men like Valjean, and men like himself, CAN change, and be changed.
It's tragic to me because so much of "Stars," and his character in the book as well as the musical, is about wanting to be righteous, to rise above his birth and the sinfulness he associates it with. It's about wanting to please the Lord by his actions. But in his end, he shows he never understood what God really wanted from him, and that's where my original phrase comes in: not righteousness, but repentance. To live, and face the man you were, knowing it's no longer the man you are. That it's never been about what you've done or can do, but about what's been done for you. That's the Gospel that he could never fully accept.
To use another example you mentioned, that misunderstanding drives why he asks the Mayor (Valjean) to punish him--in his worldview, mercy is unjust, or at the very least, unfair. Evil must be punished; "those who fall like Lucifer fell" receive "the sword." But "as it is written," God "desires mercy, not sacrifice" (Matthew 9:13). God would have wanted Javert to live, and Javert couldn't see that, and that's why it's devastating to me. In his misunderstanding of the heart of God, he misses what would have set him free from the chains of sin he's always been trying to escape.
That's why he's contrasted with Valjean, who (though he carries guilt about his past till the end of his life) is eventually able to face it and confess what he had done to those he loves. He knew there was mercy to be found, if only it was asked for. Javert was too blinded by pride and shame to realize it, and so, while broken, he never was able to truly repent.
For that, you must go on.
#i have a lot more thoughts on this specifically as it relates to pride as javert's fatal flaw. that's what kept him from grasping it all#because fundamentally he believes what he does is what sets him apart as righteous. that's the symbolism of the brand: your deeds define you#so if it's actually been about mercy all along then he has been needlessly cruel when he thought it was righteousness#and all of his actions that he thought made him better have been for nothing. he's carried shame for nothing. been a slave for nothing#les miserables#les mis#inspector javert#responses aka the ramblings of my brain#my meta posts#meta#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#no actually i'm still not done just needed to interrupt for the search tags etc.#shame is only possible where pride is present#that's my hot take. if javert had been truly totally humble he would not have killed himself. he would have accepted the gift of life#which is the same gift we are given in christ!! and that's honestly why it isn't repentance because the whole thing is a christian allegory#his suicide shows that he still regards himself as judge. he determines the punishment#and in his song the lyrics are full of things like 'damned if i'll live in the debt of a thief' 'i'll spit his pity right back in his face'#he is too prideful to accept the gift that christ has given: salvation UTTERLY unearned and undeserved. through grace alone#narratively he represents the Law (old covenant) in christianity and those who still choose to live under it#romans 3:20 says 'therefore by the deeds of the law shall no flesh be justified in His sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin'#but valjean represents one saved by the new covenant. who can see that his 'righteousness is as filthy rags' (isaiah 64:6) and is redeemed#and that is why ultimately from a narrative perspective valjean has salvation and javert does not#not that javert did not see his wrongdoing but that he could not look past his own 'righteousness'#anyway this was all very christian-info-dump but the book is too so i feel it was justified 😂 but that's my interpretation#would love to hear more thoughts if you have them!! i truly hope this didn't come off as combative bc i mean it super genuinely!#kay has a party in the tags#kay is a musical theater nerd#kay is a classical literature nerd
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theflyingfeeling · 10 months
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💖 it's here, it's pink, it's sparkly, and full of fluff 💖
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Hiiiiii and welcome to witness my attempt at an Olli/Allu Advent Calendar, in which I'll give you ~a cute little something~ about these two idiots in love almost every day until December 24! My plan is to use prompts from this list to either write a fic based on the prompt or just some good ol' delulu thoughts if all else fails. I cannot guarantee there'll be a post literally every day, but I'm really excited to try this out and I thank you for your support along the way in advance 💝
The biggest thanks and a million hugs go to one of my favourite human beings @kraeuterhexchen for making the adorable banner!! I mean helloooooo?? 😭 Go show them some love ❣️
For December 1, the prompt list is titled One True Pairing Moments, and the prompt I chose was 'calling just to hear their voice' 🥺 You can read the fic below, I hope you like it <3
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PS. Even though this is an advent calendar of sorts, I'm not planning on making this particularly Christmassy. I hope no one minds terribly!
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~
Falling for Aleksi had, in a way, sneaked up on Olli, at least if he fooled himself a little. He could pretend he didn’t feel any different about the man than he did about, say, Joonas or Tommi, but that strategy only worked for so long – that is to say, approximately until Aleksi as much as smiled softly at him from across a room or bumped his shoulder into his jovially when walking down the street and Olli would feel his breath getting caught in his throat or stumble in his words, his tongue tangled like shoelaces, which was so unlike him as well and frustrated him to no end. It really took a special kind of fool to not only develop some level of feelings for a friend, a colleague, a bandmate for Christ’s sake, but also become so hopelessly enamored with him that you rolled awake in bed in the dead of night, grabbing your phone and tossing it back on the nightstand again and again because you couldn’t decide whether or not you should, on some erratic 2 o’clock impulse, call him to let him know he was the very reason for your insomnia. 
Turning on his back, Olli groaned (only a little desperately) as he remembered losing himself in the lingering hug they had shared just before the arrivals lobby at the airport, inhaling Aleksi’s scent and wishing they wouldn’t have to go home just yet, even if Olli was more than ready to finally sleep in his own bed again. Ironically, ever since they had returned home from tour, Olli had spent night after sleepless night missing Aleksi terribly: his stupid jokes and playful banter that bordered on being flirtatious if Olli allowed himself the benefit of delusion; his quick, subtle smiles that probably meant nothing; his little touches Olli hoped meant something; his smell and his touch and the softness of his hair at the back of his neck, compared to which the blanket Olli was grasping in his fist was like sandpaper. (How he had come to know of the qualities of Aleksi’s hair in such detail, he preferred not to dwell on too much to save himself from the heartache, so let’s just leave it at ‘stressful, emotional week far away from home’ and ‘a little too much to drink’).
Above all, Olli missed Aleksi’s voice. He hadn’t even thought that was possible, until the other morning when Olli had woken up to a voice message Aleksi had left just hours earlier, rambling about a song idea he had gotten in the middle of the night – something he did from time to time – and Olli had spent the next several minutes replaying it over and over again as he had lied in bed procrastinating getting up and and instead closing his eyes to better imagine Aleksi lying there beside him, turned on his side to face Olli, talking to him sleepily like they often did when they shared a room on tour and were just too lazy to join others at breakfast. Much like the hug at the airport, Olli wished those moments would have lasted way longer than they did, often ending abruptly when either of their phones would go off with Santeri’s name on the screen, a passive-aggressive interruption to the soft, low tone of Aleksi’s early-morning thoughts. (Sometimes, when Olli was lucky enough, he had been blessed with the bliss of feeling the light touch of a fingertip tracing along his collarbone, cut short just as frustratingly by their well-meaning tour manager politely enquiring whether the two of them had plans of dragging themselves downstairs for some toast and coffee, or if they’d rather starve until lunchtime, for which he wasn’t at all sure they’d even have time that day.)
The lovesick idiot that he was, his thumb hovered over the ‘play’ button of Aleksi’s voice message, probably for the millionth time that week. The chest-carving hesitation turned into a heart flip when he noticed Aleksi was online.
Then Aleksi began to type, and Olli held his breath the entire time until a new message appeared in the thread, anticipation holding him by his throat.
You awake?
Olli exhaled and typed his affirmative reply, leaving out the reason why.
He blinked at the screen, waiting for Aleksi to ask him a random question that clearly couldn’t wait until morning, or perhaps talk about something related to another late-night Twitch stream (from what Olli had gathered, Aleksi had been doing a lot of those recently, and with his last remaining braincell Olli had managed to resist the temptation to watch every single one of them, because he knew that if he did, it would only dig his grave of pining and longing deeper, seeing Aleksi smile and giggle about but not being able to do that with him or snuggle up next to him when he was wearing that flannel Olli often used as a blanket in the tour bus). But instead of another text appearing on the screen, Olli’s phone began to vibrate in his hand, and it took him an embarrassingly long while to understand it was because Aleksi was calling him. 
“Hi,” he sighed when he finally collected himself enough to speak. He prayed he’d be able to hear what Aleksi was going to say from the thumping heartbeat echoing in his ears.
“Hi,” a soft voice said. “Sorry, I know it’s late…”
“No, not at all,” Olli hurried to say, “I mean, I wasn’t sleeping. Not even close, actually.” Part of him hoped Aleksi wouldn’t ask about it, but in some foolhardy way the possibility intrigued him. 
Nothing much, he would have likely said anyway, but what would happen if he told Aleksi how it really was? That he squeezed his pillow imagining it was him instead, or wailed into it because something had reminded him of a moment-that-was-probably-not-a-Moment™ they had shared? What would Aleksi say if he knew Olli sometimes touched himself the way Aleksi had touched him That One Night they never talked about? The only obstacle between Olli and that knowledge was a bottomless ocean of cold sweat and cowardice, and Olli had never been a great swimmer.
“So, ummm…,” Olli said when Aleksi’s end stayed silent. “What’s up?”
A short breath of laughter sounded through the phone line.
“Honestly? I don’t know, I… It’s just been a… weird week, I guess.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, like… my head’s just been so full of… everything and… I’ve been so busy and kinda tense and… fuck, this is going to sound crazy,” Aleksi laughed that brief laugh again, although to Olli it didn’t sound particularly cheerful. Tired, more like. Strained, somehow. Not sad, but definitely a little troubled, and Olli intended to find out why.
“I’m all for crazy, you know.” Olli hoped his sorry attempt to lighten Aleksi’s mood would work, and so he smiled in relief when he heard Aleksi chuckle at his comment.
“I know,” Aleksi said softly, in that tone of voice that had Olli melt against his bedsheets. “So yeah, it’s been a rough week, but… in between all that stupid shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about… umm… well, the tour and– and… about you, for some reason,” (the troubled laugh made its return) “and… yeah. That’s sort of helped me a lot recently.”
Olli listened to the words carefully, not fully believing what he was hearing, yet clinging on to them until they were all but swirling around in his otherwise empty head like dry leaves in October wind.
“And tonight I just couldn’t fucking sleep for some reason and nothing I did seemed to help and so I thought I’d call you. And I’m–” If it hadn’t been dead silent otherwise, Olli wouldn’t have heard the shaky breath Aleksi paused to take, “I’m sorry I’m calling you at this hour and bothering you with this all but I guess I just… wanted to hear your voice. To see if that would help.”
“Does it?” Olli asked. Aleksi’s confession had made him clasp his blanket close to his chest, as if that would do anything about his rapidly beating heart.
“Yeah. It does. So maybe just… keep talking?”
Despite his mind living a life of its own, completely unfit to form a single coherent thought, for Aleksi’s sake Olli tried his best to think of something to say, but everything he came up with was something he was not ready to tell him quite yet. 
“Uuummmm…” he said to buy himself some time, but while he waited for his useless brain and mouth to form any actual words, Aleksi spoke again.
“Fuck, I’m– I’m sorry, this is too weird, I shouldn’t have– I’ll let you go back to–”
“I miss you,” Olli blurted before Aleksi would hang up on him. He squeezed his eyes shut when Aleksi went silent, too silent for too long for it to mean any good.
The line stayed open, however, which Olli took as a positive sign, even if the seconds during which all Olli could hear was Aleksi's quiet breathing seemed endless.
“And I you,” Aleksi finally replied. “A little too much, probably, or at least that’s what it feels like,” he chuckled. Olli almost missed the quiet sniff that followed.
He had to steel himself for his next question.
“What do you mean?”
“Just… forget it.” Aleksi said quietly. Contrary to Aleksi’s request, Olli knew he was going to all but ‘forget it’ for the next 3-5 business days; mentally he booked all his evenings as well as most of his mornings and noons for pondering what exactly had been in Aleksi’s mind in that moment or why he had sounded so sombre, almost disappointed. He’d probably never come to any satisfactory conclusion about it though, at least not without a little help from Aleksi himself. 
A ridiculous idea popped into his head, and before he could stop himself, the words flooded out of his mouth.
“Do you wanna come over some time? To hang out? When your schedule’s a little less tight, I mean.” He sucked on his lips and closed his eyes as he waited for Aleksi’s answer, ready to hang up the moment he’d decline the offer on some obvious and logical reason for why Aleksi couldn’t possibly make nor want to take a trip to the north to see him, such as ‘didn’t we just spend over two months on the road together?’ or ‘damn, buddy, I miss you alright but not quite that much, I’ve done enough sitting in public transportation for one year, thank you very much lol’ or ‘what about Rilla?’
“You could take Rilla with you, you know.” Olli hurried to say, just in case, the deranged part of his brain thinking there might be a chance Aleksi might be at least considering it.
“Oh! Well, umm… I actually might have time next week? If– if you’re actually being serious about this.”
Funny you should ask, Aleksi; I’ve actually never been more serious about anything in my entire life than I am about having you here with me so that I can hold you and be held by you and see your face when I wake up in the morning and say goodnight to your annoyingly cute face instead of via text message and maybe, if the stars are in position and the northern wind won’t discourage me too much, I might actually be brave enough to torment you with the knowledge of just how miserable I’ve been since we last saw each other.
“I think it would be cool,” he said, because he had a feeling what he wanted to say would’ve been a tad too much and sudden. “I mean, if you’re up for it, of course. I understand if you can’t make it though, I know you have all those side projects.”
“No, I think it might actually do me some good to get out of the capital area for change.” Then there was a muffled ‘ouch’, followed by a laugh that sounded much brighter than any of the other ones Olli had heard from Aleksi that night. “Sorry, correction, it might do us some good. Rilla just told me she’s most definitely coming too. Rilla, stop nibbling on my toes!”
Olli smiled tiredly at the mental image that was painted in his mind of Aleksi and Rilla cuddling in bed, both minding their own business from what it seemed while still minding each other as well, very much indeed.
“I’ll be sure to set up a bed for her in the guest room.”
“The guest room? Do you not know her at all? If she’s not getting the master bedroom, she’ll ruin all your rugs and most of your shoes. Probably also gossip about you to all the neighbourhood dogs. And she’s brutal.”
Olli held his stomach as he laughed, tears almost forming in the corners of his eyes. In his defence, it was late and he was finally becoming tired, thus too far gone to help himself, let alone feel embarrassed about being in stitches about something Aleksi had said that was only mildly amusing. (It wasn’t the first time that had happened either, and likely not the last time.)
“So yeah, ummm, I can take a look at some flight options for next week and let you know, alright? I’m gonna let you sleep now and… I should get some myself too.”
Olli wanted to tell Aleksi he’d love to stay up chatting until dawn, but the yawn he let out when he opened his mouth to speak implied Aleksi had a point.
“Yeah, let me know. And… thanks for calling, I… you have no idea how much I needed this tonight.”
That was as close to a confession as Olli was able to get as of now.
“Probably not half as much as I did.”
Olli chuckled at Aleksi’s response, mostly to hide his own agony.
If only you knew. If only I knew how to tell you.
It didn’t take long for Olli to doze off after they hung up, and when he woke up to the kids from next door having a snowball fight under his window in the morning, he noticed new messages from Aleksi, sent half an hour after their phone call had ended, complete with screen captions of airplane schedules.
Would these days work for you? I might be free all week actually 😇
Olli cuddled into his pillow while typing his reply, hoping it wouldn’t wake up Aleksi.
yeah I’m free as well. I’ll pick you two up from the airport 🖤
From then on, Olli started counting the days until he’d see Aleksi again.
#blind channel fanfiction#blind channel rpf#ollixallu#24 days of gift-giving by theflyingfeeling#<- that's the tag i'll be using for these btw#everyone stop and look at the banner!! 🥺💖#it's not QUITE like the original one ju made first but maybe one day you'll get to see that masterpiece as well 😏#but ooff the way i've gone from having 'a plan' to having 'a better plan' to having 'no plan whatsoever' with this? 😂#so yeah idk what kinda fics/posts there'll be in this series... stay tuned and see for yourself! 🤭#some of them might be in the same universe/plot. others may not. who knows? not i 😌#(...but as you can see from this fic the door for a multiple-part story is definitely open 👀)#some of the fics may not even be based on a prompt though if i'm not feeling like it. honestly i'm curious to see how this will turn out!#(and if this ends up being the only post i ever make that's alright too! i refuse to bully myself with a hobby i'm doing for free <3)#however: i'm not taking requests per say BUT feel free to snoop on the prompts for each day and send me your ideas or hopeful wishes 👀#there are certain ones i'm more drawn to but i haven't really set anything in stone#one could say i'm just going with the flow. fuck around and find out if you will ✨#also: not sure if/when i'll be bothered to post any of these on ao3#probably i'll just see how many fics i manage to actually finish and dump them all at once on ao3 on christmas day lol#anyway! enjoy & let me hear from you <3
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soulsxng · 6 months
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Name: Hope (Elpis)
Age: ???
Species: Spirit/personification of false hope
And so it was Hope that saved humanity from the evil and miseries that were unleashed from the depths of Pandora's box...or so some would believe. So Hope themself wants to believe. In actuality, the story is a bit more complicated than that. After all, Hope emerged from Pandora's box just the same as the others. There's a good reason that other stories suggest Hope is just an extension of suffering.
An extension of Moros, who wants to reclaim them. To make them realize that the "hope" they give is just as vicious as the things that he, himself, could inflict.
But they will never accept that. Not truly.
They tell themself that the hope they spread amongst the people is good. That it's better for them that way, to deny and ignore their destinies until it's finally claimed them. Everyone deserves comfort. Deserves to believe that everything is okay-- that they are okay.
Even if it's only a beautifully woven falsity.
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#angle under the cut where you can see their eyes because it is NOT very flattering from the front#sharpedo#this is the fucker that zooms after you like a missile in the swsh DLC‚ right? i think it also does that in sv. it's scary honestly#it's so fast. and it makes that big ol' zoomin' effect like the third nozzle in super mario sunshine. i don't remember what it's called but#it's the gray one. super mario sunshine is my favorite mario game which i feel like is not a very popular opinion#but it tracks because i had a gamecube as a kid. so games on that tend to be some of my favorites because nostalgia i guess#luigi's mansion‚ super mario sunshine‚ pokémon colosseum…#i could go on and on about these games.  honestly. luigi's mansion is one of my favorites of all time. i still think it's great even as an#adult. it's much better than the other luigi's mansions in my opinion‚ though i guess my opinion Might be clouded by nostalgia#although i would like to think i can look back on it with a critical eye. i still replay it basically once a year cuz it's super short#i think it's super atmospheric and the later two luigi's mansion games don't really capture that same aesthetic#of… what basically amounts to like. a horror aesthetic. which is weird to say because it's a kids' game but#y'know i'm also not putting my whole brain into these tags right now bc i'm distracted but i hope i am making sense#fellow luigi's mansion fans know what i'm talking about. this is not about sharpedo so here is sharpedo#i believe this'll be posting on the last day of my outing when i'll be flying back home. so. finger's crossed#nope i just queued it and it's the day before i'm flying home. either way‚ good luck‚ future me
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good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep
#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out#now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself#in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational#or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon#and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something#which are running away or getting mean#(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear#and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life#i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive#and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE#anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time#there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified#and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory#and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit#‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY#it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change#i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger#being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying#*change as a#personal#i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so#and this is the next best thing
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silverandebony · 3 months
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oh hey trauma surrounding watching other people eat while you, if you're very lucky, get something approximately equivalent, but more realistically either get something significantly worse or have to provide your own unappetizing food. what's up, i didn't miss you
#i mean yeah i'm used to it#but that doesn't mean it doesn't fucking feel bad every time still#dietary restrictions: the joys thereof *depressed jazz hands*#personal#silvered words#in this case yeah i could try asking to see if i could get that equivalent#and in theory the worse they can say is no#but. honestly upon consideration. that'd be a pretty shitty no to get#so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ idk#if you have friends and family members with dietary restrictions (you probably do) don't do this do them.#do the bare courtesy of asking. yes there are some who will forever have to bring their own food but at least make a fucking effort to chec#and if you are at all able provide something equivalent for them to what is being provided for everyone else#don't make them have to choose between going hungry or hoping they have something they can bring#and if you've done that to anyone in the past frankly you owe them an apology#if you were the person this was done to. i'm so sorry you deserved better. you deserve good food and you deserve to get to eat with everyon#else#you deserve to partake in the human ritual of sharing a table and community as you eat together#it's so fucking awful to be on the outside of that#don't fucking do that to people#anyway dad got the visiting family pizza today and didn't check with me#i was going out anyway but like. not for supper#and i have a storebought glutenfree pizza in the freezer but that's.... really not the same as fresh regular pizza. believe it or not.#so everyone else got supper and once home i got to.... scrounge what i could find in a fridge full of food i can't eat.#cool. great. fantastic. love it.#anyway no points for guessing what i've been on and off spiraling about for the past. however long.
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the-physicality · 4 months
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#kori i understand your thought process#it's the same as emptying the net#but if you don't fix it#and by that i mean play the whole team and win the next 3#you're going to lose coach of the year to CK#and i do hope you are seeing all the twitter comments and by that i mean the handful of reporters who are talking about this choice#at the end of the day the first goal last night was an unlucky bounce#[note i still take issue with certain people dumping the puck for no reason]#but it's happened to ambrose and murphy before too i think#the thought process is that if we can only score one goal per game#we better not allow more than one#but honestly i think it's difficult to break a tie in regulation if you aren't being strategic#and i think montreal has a real problem of not taking strategic shots#especially when they are down or not scoring they shoot from distance#which is not the right move#it's something you do when you are desperate#what you need to do is put shots on net collect rebounds and force the goalie to be in 2 places at once#see the poulin daoust goal from the 3-1 boston game#also practice even strength goals PLEASE#i will say one last tangentially related thing: i think the jaques tapanni trade is what helped boston and hurt min#and by that i don't mean that jaques isn't doing well but it's clear that min needed the offensive depth and face-off#expertise that tapanni brought#and i know heise's injury kind of coincided with that as well#but to me it's clear that shifted the momentum#quite frankly it's not a surprise that this is coming up#because the same thing happened with the shootouts#do you know why we lost every single shootout#it's bc kori kept it so top heavy#and i have to wonder if the [starters] are just taking this on the chin or#like as leadership you have a responsibility to the members of your team not just the standing of your team you know
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bandzboy · 8 months
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no but like people are insane sometimes. like you said it's all about setting boundaries, and i feel like people need to understand that everyone has problems and most of us have our own trauma too. i've had situations where people wanted to vent about something heavy but they asked me if i could handle it first bc they didn't wanna trigger me. and sometimes i was okay enough to hear about their trauma, other times i had to ask them if we could leave that conversation for another moment bc i was too overwhelmed by my own problems/trauma/depression. they ALWAYS respected it, and we came back to that topic at a better time. not everyone is gonna be ready to have that kind of conversation at ANY time, and it's not bc they don't care. if it's someone who's literally NEVER there for you at all then yeah maybe they're not really your friend. but if it's someone who just needs their own space to heal sometimes, or they can't handle a certain topic bc it's too triggering for them, then they shouldn't be treated like garbage. everyone should prioritize their own mental health, but you can't ask other people to put your mental health above their own 💀
no literally i agree! everyone has their shit to deal with and honestly i like to feel that my friends support me and if i need them to talk about stuff they will be there for me! there are times where i even have to process my own feelings before even talking about them since there are things that i don't even understand that is connected to something that happened in my past and there was a time when i was going through things when i was in my preteens and i did not have friends to talk with and genuinely kept it all in and obviously it wasn't good! talking with somebody about certain things also helps you understand the situation better and what to do next and i will say that having someone to talk to about anything and everything is such a luxury i always thought this! but yeah i feel like it all comes down to respecting and understanding the other person and creating boundaries i feel like this is the genuine basis of what a friendship/relationship honestly is because if you don't have this foundation you aren't exactly friends at all i would say like apparently people don't know that and it's quite concerning... it honestly makes me not even wanna trust more people because they might pull some shit like these people online are probably doing to their friends 😭
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persephoneflouwers · 5 months
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#hello everyone how are you?#I hope everything is doing alright! from my part I can say life is treating me well lately#and I feel very light and okay#I am here mainly to get things straight#I saw an anon going around some other blogs talking about me#saying I am an hater and I shouldn’t be writing larry fics#I think this is the same anon that I blocked some weeks ago#because they told me I should not use Harry for clout (????)#and I want to say only one thing because I don’t care of defending myself on this website anymore and that is#it’s not clout and it’s not easy#being a (new) writer here is not easy because people don’t care what you do and there is definitely not clout around me#im not using harry to gain anything#if anything I am constantly questioning whether I am somehow good at writing silly stories and putting myself out there for people’s judg#*judgement. and I promise you it’s not always nice#especially when this place doesn’t like people who you don’t always agree with#especially when you are blocked by half of this side of fandom (larries because I had said something in the past that they didn’t like)#louies because im a larrie ergo I hate louis (???) and harries because i dont care about Harry as much as they do#so no I am not ashamed of writing and I am not ashamed of writing giving my characters#(that rarely have anything to do with H/L irl) thei#their names and physical features#and honestly people like you anon should definitely stop to play this stupid game of fandom police#deciding who can read what and who can write what#because this actions only affect new writers in the way that#they will be alienated. they will feel alienated#and this whatever this fandom is shouldn’t be about that#ever. you don’t know what people go through every fucking day#you definetely dont know how this sort of silencing mission you have going on#will affect people on the internet and their mental health#stop defending the imaginary people you think H/L are and start treating people in this fandom as actual human beings#and since you probably would like to know this: I am not currently working on any project because i am fucking scared of reaction like this
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0bsc3ne · 5 months
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bitching abt my partner again so i can get it out of my system and not let it fester
had a Discussion yesterday and i said how i didn't like that i, someone who naturally wakes up early and has to go to bed around 11-midnight to get decent sleep, have been spending the last few months either sleep deprived or forced to use sleeping pills to sleep, when he sleeps in til fucking noon, even on the two days we both have off and can, yk, spend time doing things in the morning together, and then he complains that we never do anything outside (bc we live in florida. anything after noon is just a fucking sauna.)
anyways. i ask if he can start waking up earlier. he says he'll wake up at 10 today. i go, ok, thank you, but what does that prove? that you can do it once? i've been changing my schedule for months. i want to hear that you'll try to do it consistently. (And 10 isn't early anyways, but i didn't say that). he insists he's going to do it. makes sure i see him set an alarm in front of me and everything. so anyways. 10:01 i get a text that he's going to sleep a little more.
man.
#i also asked him to wash his hair more often bc he has REALLY nice long hair but its always fuckin greasy#unless he has some formal performance or i ask him to wash it#and he said hed wash it tonight and like. thanks. but like. can you maybe stsrt doing it without reason or me having to ask you#like a fucking toddler#anyways my hopes arent high#and its so fuckign pathetic that ill be thrilled if i come over to see him and its washed#honestly.#every day im closer and closer to just. breaking up#i love him. i reqlly do#but i think i love what he could be more than what hes actually willing to be#and its so upsetting#bc its judt.#if he says he wants me to do something#i fucking do it#i got a fucking minimum wage soulsucking job bc he said he thought having more steady income and a routine would help me#and it does. but he also complains now when i have to sleep at 9pm so i can get up for morning shifts#but he also complains when i work during the times he has off#and its not like. a controlling way at all. for the record. trust me on that#its just the like. Frustrating way. like suck it up and cope buttercup i am the one who is dealing with more right now.#in that situation at least#this got long but#you see my point#its just. so upsetting.#and again. i love him#i do#hes great in so many aspects and he has the same goals and its all so Good#but. god. fuck.#is this really what i want to deal with for the rest of my life when i know i can be perfectly happy and fulfilled in life without a partne
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scoutpologist · 1 year
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can't believe i'm gonna find out if i'm intersex during pride month can we get a hell yeah
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