#and i just feel like literally everyone’s least favorite and so so irrelevant

[dark-konohagakure2]

I just read your sexually abusive bf sasuke post and oml that made me feel smth. I was wondering if you could write something like that for Madara, Indra or kawaki. Please feel free to just do one of them, no need to do all unless you want to :) I hope you have a great day loves 🫶🫶

tw: noncon, abusive relationships, misogyny, age difference, breeding, dehumanization, neglect, possessiveness, emotional abuse

All characters depicted are 18+

Madara doesn't have a girlfriend or lover, he has a novelty, a womb with legs, a breeder. Nothing more nothing less. She is so far beneath him that he might as well be a superior species to her, and he treats her accordingly.

He rarely spends any time with her, having a myriad of more important things to attend to aside from humoring the worthless affections of some silly lass, but when he is around her, he isn't very pleasant to say the least, figuratively and literally keeping her at arms length unless he wants a certain something from her, that something being the only thing he ever wants from her, the only reason he keeps her around.

Being the head of the Uchiha clan, he's almost always either out on the battlefield or training himself half to death for his next battle, so Madara gets very worked up and stressed, and when he's pent up, all Madara wants to do is squeeze his favorite stress toy until she pops.

Her consent and feelings are less than irrelevant to Madara, she is his property, and that means he is allowed to do whatever he wants with her, including but not limited to filling her up with his offspring.

"Stop moving so much, you mewling quim. You're just a tool to me, and tools don't cry and struggle against their owners..."

On the rare occasion that he puts aside time for her, that time will be spend either degrading her, trying to impregnate her, or both at the same time. He'll spend hours on top of her and bullying her poor womb with with his cock, not stopping until he is absolutely certain that he's successfully knocked her up.

If Madara ever does take her out on a 'date', it'll only be after much pestering from her and for the sole purpose of showing off his property to the less fortunate men of the village. He'll keep his hands on her to make sure she doesn't wander off like a wayward child, whether it be an arm around her waist or shoulder or even a hand gripping her ass, signalling to everyone that she's Madara's bitch.

Despite his habit of showing her off, Madara doesn't let her around anybody besides himself, not even letting her near people trusted by him such as Izuna and Hashirama, it isn't because he doesn't trust them, it's because he doesn't trust her. She was a lowly stray slut before he so graciously tamed her, and once a slut always a slut.

If she ever dares to try and leave him, be it due to falling out of love or just plain old self preservation, Madara won't physically stop her at first, instead he'll attack her with his words, picking at her insecurities and keeping her in line with his words better than any fist ever could.

"You want to leave me? Fine then, go back to being an unloved little harlot, see if I care. You don't deserve all of my love and care anyway..."

Madara isn't a bad boyfriend to her at all, because he doesn't even consider himself to be her boyfriend at all, he's her handler, and she's just an unruly mutt who needs him far more than he needs her.

tw: noncon, abuse, power imbalance, master/pet, degradation, possessiveness, collars

Indra isn't as cruel as his reincarnation, but he's still very cold, and views herself as being far above a pitiful little human like her, he sees her as a pet, a pet he takes care of, but still a pathetic little kitten regardless.

He doesn't start off too bad, while he's still possessive and forceful, he still dotes on his pet in his own distant way, petting her hair and graciously forcing allowing her to sit on his lap, and he'll even gift her a lovely collar that symbolizes their strange union. Although the peace won't last very long...

When his father unexpectedly makes Asura the head of the clan instead of him like he had anticipated, Indra is enraged, believing that his dimwitted younger brother has stolen his rightful position out from under him, and he is in dire need of someone to take his anger out on.

Indra's sudden turn from coldness to red hot anger is as jarring as it is terrifying, his Sharingan glowing a bright ruby color as he holds her down, his face etched into a scowl as he forces her to bare the brunt of his fury.

"Don't resist me, stupid girl. You're my pet and it's your job to keep me happy, and I am the furthest thing from happy in this moment, so do your job, now."

After that day any semblance of fondness that Indra had for her is seemingly gone. He still keeps her around, but he no longer pats her head or acts affectionately, instead yanking on her leash harshly whenever he wants her close and forcing her to service his erection whenever the urge strikes him.

He doesn't let her out of his sight either, Indra doesn't want her to be around anyone except for him, especially not wanting her near his father or that damn Asura. She's like a consolation prize for him in a way, Asura might have gotten the position of their father's succesor, but Indra got the most perfect toy in the world.

Indra also won't be as forgiving of disobedience from her as he used to be, in the past he would simply lecture her or give her a slap on the wrist if she went against him, but now if she steps out of line his punishments will be much more swift and brutal, be it a slap across the face or a harsh face-fucking.

If she ever tries telling him that she wants to leave him, Indra will show some mirth for the first time in a while by laughing at her, although it's more of a mocking laugh than a happy one, letting her know that leaving him isn't an option for her.

"You're leaving? Oh how funny, but you seem to have forgotten something, little one. I own you, and you are never leaving me unless it's in a casket."

Indra is nothing short of cruel towards her, but the Otsutsuki doesn't see it that way, he truly believes that the way he treats her is justified because he loves her, because he owns her, and that means he can do whatever he wants with her.

tw: noncon, abuse, threats, semi-public sex, possessiveness, jealousy, victim blaming, noncon kissing

Kawaki actually makes a semblance of an effort to be an actual boyfriend, but he doesn't fully understand how to be one, he thinks that being someone's boyfriend just means having someone he can kiss and order around and nothing more, so that's how he approaches it.

He doesn't try to be mean, but she's always pushing his buttons, trying to hang out with other people that aren't him and not putting out for him, so he sees ever instance of her raising his hand or berates her as completely justified, she's being a bad girlfriend.

Despite how he acts, he doesn't hate her, but she's just so annoying and ungrateful, hardly worthy of all the love he's pouring into her, but he does love her quite a bit, but he isn't able to express those feelings without force and violence due to her tumultuous past.

His gruff disposition will give way to anger when he sees her talking to other men, Kawaki is paranoid when it comes to the people he claims to love, and seeing his girlfriend talking to other guys when she already has him just amplifies these feelings. Why does she always have to be such a bitch? Such a bad, bad girlfriend?

"Who the hell was that? Do you like him more than me? Huh?! If you really love me so much then stop being so damn cold to me and prove it for once.

Kawaki will take her right then and there. She doesn't love him enough to put out, he'll just take what he wants. Fucking is what boyfriends and girlfriends who love each other do, and he's going to fuck her extra hard so she can feel the full depth of his feelings for her.

He's incredibly rough out of both anger and inexperience, he'll try to make up for his harshness in a way by kissing her, but Kawaki is a bad kisser too, his teeth slamming against hers as he presses his lips onto her own, nearly choking her when he forces his tongue down her throat, his bad kissing just makes the entire experience worse for her rather than acting as a band aid solution to his harsh thrusts.

After their 'first time', Kawaki takes that as meaning that their relationship is good and healthy again. Couples are supposed to kiss and have sex all the time, that's the entire point, so he has no idea why she's crying. Maybe she's just shy, or maybe she's just trying to play the victim and make him feel like a bad partner.

Kawaki won't take her seriously if she says she wants to break up, dismissing her words as stupid empty threats, but if she persists, he'll get mad, threatening her with a fate worse than death if she talks like that ever again.

"What?! Leaving me?! Pssh, don't be stupid, if you talk that nonsense again then I'll just send you to the same place I sent Lord Seventh..."

Kawaki doesn't try to be a mean boyfriend, but his intentions don't match his actions in the slightest, but he still tries to justify it regardless, he's trying to be nice, but she just makes it so hard for him.

[yuikomorii]

// I’m making this post, as a result of seeing way too much hate and misinfo regarding every character. Nobody stops anyone from voicing their opinion but the need to degrade a character, while providing BAD reasons or stating incorrect/out-of-context facts about them only for the sake of internet validation, is such a loser move.

We’re all in this fandom to have fun and even if you have something negative to say about a character you don’t like, keep it to yourself or in private with your friends.

Ayato:

“I don’t like Ayato, he’s overrated”, omg you’re just sooo different! Definitely not like other girls/guys!

Everyone is allowed to dislike whatever they want but if Ayato is your least/one of your least favorite DL characters, then your opinion ISN’T valid. This is a franchise full of abusive characters and he’s literally the most heroic love interest. Why would you hate the hero…?

“He’s dumb and annoying”, says the person who spends their time insulting FICTIONAL characters. 1) Japanese fans like dumb characters, since they come off as endearing; 2) Ayato outdid everyone throughout the routes.

He did more good than all of his brothers and saying that X, Y or Z deserves the main role more, is fake fan behavior because at this point you’re just setting up your favs.

Kanato:

No, you’re not cool for calling him ugly. It’s okay if you’re not into that type of characters but his design is not bad at all.

“He had no development”, he does in CL. It’s not major but it can still be visible.

The whole Teddy thing might be annoying to some of you, but his fans get why he acts that way. Let’s not forget that he is a victim of neglect.

Yes, he was sexually exploited too. Don’t forget this x2.

Laito:

“I hate Laito so much, he was so cruel in HDB 😢”; stop living in the past and move on already.

His development shouldn’t be overlooked only because your opinion about him was formed on something that came out more than 10 years ago.

He’s still the most fascinating DL character and I get that he might make some of you feel uncomfortable but don’t project your triggers on a character that’s merely made after a trope.

Shu:

No, it’s not Shu’s fault for the way Reiji acted. Envy is never a good reason to hurt someone.

“Shu roasts the heroine the most!”, I get that it’s rude but his insults are actually funny?? A bunch of people will like him for being brutally honest or a jerk because it’s literally a game for players with masochistic fantasies. They WANT to be roasted by good-looking men. That’s the point.

“Shu is lazy and stupid, he’s the only one who failed his school year”, genuine question: If you were an immortal creature that doesn’t need food or sleep to survive, would you still care about grades? Besides, he’s really smart.

“Shu doesn’t care about Yuma, he just feels guilty”, in LE he sacrificed himself for him and reincarnated merely because he wished to meet Yuma again and get on well with him in another life—

Reiji:

“He hurt Shu and Yuma”, well yeah but he was shown plenty of times regretting it and trying to fix things. Stop reminding this to Reiji stans because that conflict is already closed.

“He is so mean in other routes”, obviously?? If you don’t teach him how to love, he won’t suddenly act nice towards anyone.

Without him Yui would fail her tests and the Sakamaki household would be in chaos.

Subaru:

“W-What do you mean baby Tsundere is not soft innocent virgin boy? 🥺”; he has never been like that, that’s how YOU perceived him. Stop acting so shocked every time Subaru does something bad because he’s still a vampire after all??

Also, why are so many people reducing his character to Kou and/or Yui—? He’s much more than that and has his own interests, struggles, likes, dislikes, and so on.

“He’s irrelevant”; Diabolik Lovers has 13 love interests, they can’t make everyone extremely important to the general plot. Just enjoy a character as it is, it’s not that hard.

Ruki:

The cat jokes were funny when the Meow Meow Vampire art came out but MOVE ON. I hate that scene and Ruki was in the wrong but come on now, that’s not even the worst thing he has done and MB happened in 2013.

I understand not liking Ruki as a person, because he’s mostly not a good one, but this doesn’t mean he’s not a good character.

“Ruki deserved what happened to him in the past because he was cruel towards everyone”; while I agree that Karma hit him, I wouldn’t say any child really deserves to go through that. He was just a spoiled brat, who most likely wasn’t taught by his parents about modesty or kindness.

Kou:

“He was so cruel in MB 😣”, and HE HAD DEVELOPMENT! He’s not the same anymore, nobody is.

“He overreacts”, sometimes he’s not in the wrong and has all rights to be angry.

Kou isn’t afraid of going against Ruki, even if he’s the brother he admires the most, as long as he knows that what Ruki is doing isn’t good.

Yuma:

“He beat Yui up in the MB bad ending!😡😡”, it’s a bad ending for a reason, lol.

Pretty reminder that Yuma always tries to help others with Kou and Azusa, and was even willing to save the ghouls in LE.

“Yuma doesn’t care about Shu”, did we play the same game or…?

Azusa:

“Azusa is so horrible, he threw Teddy in the fire!”; and he only did it to save Yui, it was not intentional.

While not all his actions are good, keep in mind that he never means any harm and is overall such a sweet guy.

“He is too clingy”; I know that might not be everyone’s cup of tea but is it really worth hating a character just for wanting affection?

The Tsukinamis and Kino:

“They were too easy to defeat in DF!”; Dark Fate wasn’t entirely about them to begin with. Most routes focused on the boys’ internal struggles with their trauma and how to move past it.

“Kino is sometimes mean for the sake of being mean”; it’s almost as if he’s the ✨villain✨

It’s dumb questioning the morals of characters supposed to have an antagonistic role.

“Kino hurt Ayato in LE”; out of all characters who have wronged Ayato, at least Kino felt bad and wanted to apologize.

Yui:

“She’s dumb and ugly”; Japanese fans literally love her for being an idiot because it wouldn’t be fun to see the heroine being the best at everything or not making mistakes at all. Plus, her design is definitely not ugly.

Stop creating your own version of Yui in your head and ending up disappointed when she doesn’t act the way you expect her to. No, Yui is not OOC for liking being bitten, having a low learning ability or saying things she shouldn’t in the wrong moments. Nobody is perfect and everyone has their own kinks and flaws.

“She’s too innocent”; she’s not?? If you really want to see her thirsty, go play Ayato’s routes, especially the heaven scenarios.

“She’s weak”, she’s the opposite. Yui is one of the most mentally strong DL characters.

I can’t understand people who hate on heroines when they’re present in all routes and are the most positive characters.

[scarycranegame]

here's part 2 of my 50 follower special!! for people who've just joined us here, i present to you...

MY BEEFY DIE FANDOM OPINIONS MEME!! ft. an in-depth explanation of each entry

sorry for slightly off-model drawings, it was my first time drawing a lot of these guys so. bear with me LMAO

explanations under the cut!

favorite character:

okay you probably saw this one coming but. yes. the rumor come out. i enjoy yellow face immensely. and it's not just because hes a silly goober guy (even though he is that too); it's mostly because i think he fits my personal favorite character archetype of "morally dubious business guy who's at least a little bit mentally unstable" particularly well, specifically in the sense that he does it in a way that isn't the stereotypical "sophisticated mastermind bad-boy sexyman" schtick... like. he's weird. he's unapologetically weird. he's a very non-standard character design in a world of already unorthodox characters, and he manages to give off an ominous yet innocuous vibe without being too on-the-nose about it; and on top of that, the show doesn't even really take it too seriously, so it doesn't really overstay its welcome for me :) also i just think hes really cute lol

liked by everyone but me:

alright this is a really unpopular opinion.. i get why people like them, but i just. don't, personally. since x is in another entry i'm just gonna cover four here. for starters, i really don't like four's voice; it's the one "annoying" voice in the series that i just can't look past.. besides that, though, i feel like his redemption arc & sympathetic portrayal in post-split doesn't really make sense for his character? because he doesn't really seem to feel bad, and the rest of the characters just. instantly forgive him without any notion that he actually intends to improve as a person... and then he doesn't, because in tpo.t, he goes right back to hurting people the exact same way with absolutely no consequences or remorse; basically making that whole arc irrelevant. like.. something's not adding up here. either post split or tpo.t's portrayal is incorrect.

didn't like at first:

this one was kind of a tough choice for me because i don't remember ever genuinely disliking a contestant when i initially got into this show? but i can say that i did find gelatin to be kind of. annoying. and the best part is that it's for a really silly reason that, in retrospect, doesn't even make too much sense? like. okay i first got into this show in middle school, and my first ever season was b.fb, and when i first saw it i was a HUGE donut stan (part of me still is LOL); so when i saw him yelling at gelatin all the time i just sort of. inexplicably started disliking gelatin for absolutely no reason. literally that's it that's the whole reason i initially didn't like gelatin. anyways hes one of my favorite characters now and honestly i couldn't tell you why (also sorry hes. very poorly drawn in this image. it was my first time drawing a lot of these characters)

would like to know more about:

golfie!! i like her a lot; i related to her a bunch when i first watched the show (especially since my best friend at the time was basically a carbon copy of tennis ball), and i'm really intrigued by her need for constant control over everyone on any given team she's part of, and how she began her career in science/inventing! it seems interesting that more recent bfd.ia seems to make this dichotomy between her and tennis ball, suggesting that she's more skilled than he is and/or has been inventing things for longer than he has.. also ofcourse there's the whole science museum "bozo" debacle from i.dfb, which shouldn't come as a surprise in that it intrigues me just as much as everything else about her character... maybe that's why she's so obsessed with being in control? also who the hell was after her in that scene?

least favorite character

people are really not gonna like me for this, but i genuinely hate x with every fiber of my being LMAO.. while it is mostly for personal reasons, it's also because 1. much like four, i find his voice really annoying, and 2. he kind of. never really does anything. he's sort of just a plot device at best, and at worst he literally just stands there and does nothing. even when he's the host in b.fb 9, he's tragically inept and does nothing of note at all. he's barely a character without four around (he literally sits down and gives up in the last few episodes of b.fb), and it's really disappointing because he could've been an interesting character foil to four! but he just. wasn't. all he really was is a "cute uwu cinnamon roll".

like the design, dislike the character

okay this one's a little biased because i'm still mad that bomby was partially why yellow face got eliminated in bfd.ia 9, but besides that, i think a bomb character is a really good concept!! a contestant that's both useful in a practical sense and useful in terms of themselves as an individual!! ...too bad bomby is basically just 2 running jokes in a bomb-shaped trenchcoat. literally, as far as i'm concerned, the only time he's ever actually done anything is when he explodes; and besides that he's just sort of. there to fill up empty space (and also get yellow face eliminated that one time in the stupidest possible way). i get it, it's an object show, but i really would've enjoyed bomby a lot more if he had a distinct personality instead of being. well. little more than an object.

like the character, dislike the design

this one i also struggled with but i eventually settled on naily! in terms of her character, i think she's an absolute delight to watch, and she's one of the rare instances of a running joke not overstaying it's welcome and actually seeming charming and witty!! i think she's a good example of a quirky and cute yet mischievous character, which i see a lot of people attempting to do with characters of their own and missing the mark just a little bit. in short, she really does nail it in terms of characterization!! the only gripe i have though is her design.. something about how her legs are kind of. behind each other. and how her face/head is just. flat. it really doesn't sit right with me.. and i don't even really know how i would change it! it's just.. slightly offputting to me.

similar personality

ironically (due to my previous entry), i think that the character i'm most like in terms of personality is price tag!! i consider myself to be pretty expressive and upbeat (or at least, i try to be a lot of the time; if i get too stoic i tend to get sad and that kinda results in a Not Great Time™), and as you might've been able to tell by the things i do here on this blog, i'm just a bit mischievous. a little bit silly. one might even say devious. but what you don't know is that in most situations where there's a bit of a problem, i tend to try and think of the most creative but rational solution (doing so, as far as i'm aware, results in a higher chance of compromise among others)! (also, yes, i can indeed do the :3 face)

fav ship

i've been a fries/puffball enjoyer since day 1, i'm not even gonna lie here LMAO.. to be fair, i enjoy a lot of other ships very immensely, too, but something about the fact that they seem to respect each other as equals and be on the same page a lot of the time just really gets me... like. they give power couple vibes; instead of trying to gain some sort of leverage over the other or reveling in the leverage they might already have over the other, they seem to decide to be strong together and sort of. combine their strength. and yeah i know people are gonna argue "b-but c.oinpin!!" well what about the bfd.ia thing from tpo.t 2. they never actually resolved that. dont even get me started on f.ireafy (someone else made a really good post on them) or t.engolf ("gb always said it was handy to treat your friend like a tool!!!") p.uffries forever lol

least fav ship

oh this one's biased as hell because. you know how i am about yellow face. but i actually have a legitimate reason to dislike y.ellowclock besides that!! okay so i made an analysis document that i've never released here regarding yellow face as a character, and while making that document i noticed that. during tpo.t 2, when clock is bitching about winner leaving to go recover bottle, yellow face backs away, which, to me, implies that he's. kinda sick of clock's shit. he doesn't wanna deal with his and winner's drama. and then in tpo.t 3 he straight up says clock is a boring person. and yeah people cite that episode as like. y.ellowclock genesis or whatever. but then if that was true then what the hell is up with yellow face in tpo.t 10? he still doesn't seem to care about clock and winner!! honestly it just never made any sense to me..

would befriend irl

okay im gonna be honest. i really like two as a host.. i liked them from the beginning!! even when they were kinda snarky and condescending, they were a lot nicer than four, and were even willing to give up their power as a prize for a silly little contest!! and that's not even mentioning their dynamic with gaty and their sympathy towards clock in tpo.t 7.. just. they genuinely seem really generous and caring and i think they'd be really cool to hang out with and talk to... coincidentally they're also one of my favorite characters (and my favorite host as well) so that's a plus also; 10/10 would help them plan the next beefy die season

would never befriend irl

even though i love blocky with all my heart as a character, i don't think i wanna be involved in potentially lethal pranks... it would either end in him killing me or both of us going to jail forever.. or, alternatively, if i tried to go the "i can fix him" route, i'd end up paying an ungodly amount of money for his therapy bill (i doubt he'd pay with his own money, even though his show probably makes a lot of money lmao) and then just never get paid back... or, alternatively, i'd end up in the same boat as woody when he joined the blocky corporate conglomerate (at least, prior to b.fb 29.. actually i feel like i should mention that i'm talking specifically about blocky pre-split and back, he actually seems pretty okay in post-split)

...and that's it!!

it's been a wild ride (and a pretty long one too) but i really hope you enjoyed reading this, even if you have different opinions from mine! again, thank you all so much for getting me to 50 followers; i'm so grateful that all of you have decided to tune in to the nonsense words that i post every so often, and i hope you'll stick around long enough to see the next milestone special!! <3

[creekfiend]

Just wanted to say thanks for "people from culturally Christian backgrounds" because that seems like a good way to phrase it, and I'm going to try to remember to use it when I'm talking about this sort of thing. (I try to not be a dick to people, when possible, and trauma's messy and complicated.) I'm sorry that some people are being horrible in this whole discussion, and I hope you are doing okay.

I'm doing fine! I really sympathize with most of the people involved in this tbh (except the outright antisemites of course lol) bc like I HAVE seen a lot of reactive and reductive and unkind blanket statements about this by some jumblr people in which they are condescendingly explaining other people's realities to them. Which is my LEAST favorite thing. Jumblr can also be really... umm, dog pile-y in a way that I find frustrating and unproductive. However. I think it's also fairly obvious that most of these reactions are trauma responses, and while that isn't an excuse it is an explanation and provides additional context that I do not feel is irrelevant. For jews we have constantly been told 'well simply stop being jewish' like all the time by everybody, often at gunpoint. So like, when I see nonjewish atheists assert that stuff jews are TELLING you they have gone through "literally never happens" that ALSO REALLY SUCKS. like so so bad. Cannot overstate how much that sucks. Cannot overstate how much it sucks to see ppl I sympathize with deeply wrt their mistrust and hatred of like, organized religious authority, align themselves with people who refer to jewish atheists as "religious nationalists" for refusing to divorce themselves from their ethnic backgrounds/culture/community/traditions. That rhetoric is Just antisemitism in a form that has been used to cause real and violent harm to us in living memory.

Also really alienated by the idea that one must be This Vitriolically Angry About Religion to "count" as an atheist. Like what? That is bonkers. I do not understand why the people making seemingly reasonable posts about "actually here's some interesting writings by people from Islamic cultures or majority Hindu cultures or orthodox jewish cultures outlining the ways that the authorities in these societies have used religion to cause harm on a systemic level" (objectively true) seem to be aligning themselves with people who are doing the SAME THING TO JEWS that they resent being done to them -- e.g. condescendingly explaining to us that our negative experiences with a certain type of atheists Don't Exist or Don't Count or cannot possibly be rooted in antisemitism.

I find the whole thing depressing and troubling. I don't tend to follow jumblr because of the aforementioned issues I have w it but this backlash seems to me to be disproportionate and really hateful in a way that... combines poorly with the increased antisemitic sentiments being lobbed at jews from all ideological sides recently. I wish we could all be more congizent of 1. the role trauma is playing here for everyone and 2. the inherent lack of productive discussion that can be had when two parties are simply Trauma Responsing at each other back and forth endlessly.

Then there's the people who just get super aggressive about people "believing fake things" but I'm not sure there's any help for them. Sure wish that the nonjewish atheists who are not like that would disavow them though! I certainly am more than happy to say "acknowledging a cultural/societal dynamic that privileges one religion and culture as default and that existing in thay culture might cause people to have unexamined assumptions about other religions and cultures" should not be weaponized against individual people in order to bully them by insisting they are a thing that they manifestly are not (atheists aren't Christians. The fact that atheists from Jewish backgrounds will have Jewishness shackled to them regardless of their degree of identification with Being A Jew is actually bad and a function of antisemitism; it is not an aspirational dynamic we should be applying to other people simply because their cultural background is privileged over our own in our society.)

Like can we stop talking past each other and try to understand where people are coming from

People are expressing a lot of hurt and anger about atrocities and systems of oppression that I ultimately feel are totally interconnected. Because of this hurt and anger most people are not being precise in their language or prioritizing connecting or actual dialogue about this and instead focusing on dogpiling and gotchas. It's discouraging.

I'm a secular humanist jew with complex feelings towards both jewishness and atheism as concepts and movements. I want to understand and connect with people based on our common ground.

This is I guess all me being a big baby who is unsuited to internet fights but this one specifically feels really hurtful to me because I feel like my reality is being ignored and denied. I suspect a lot of people are also feeling that way. Which might be a good place to START the discussion to be honest.

[tacky-optic]

OK so i've been in this fandom for well over a year now (since the end of october, ew) and zenigata is still my favorite. so after all this time, i'm finally slapping down some of my thoughts about the version of the loud angry rectangle that runs around in my brain and this nightmare of a franchise in general. as a new year treat.

most of these have actually been in my notes since february or march, made as semi-sporadic thoughts while i trudged through the series. i wonder if it's obvious what installment i was watching/had in mind for each of these, lol. anyway i found these at the bottom of my lupin notes folder back in october, plopped them here, then forgot about them again, oops.

but they're here now! at the very end of 2023! under the cut! you can even read them, if you want!

zenigata is selfish. there is a genuine drive to help people and do what's right, but pursuing lupin specifically? 100% an ego thing. zenigata pursues lupin (the world's greatest criminal) because he feels like he's obligated to (as the greatest cop (and not that he necessarily thinks this about himself presently, but subconsciously)). it stopped purely being 'the right thing to do' after the amount of chases hit double digits -- probably even earlier than that.

so what does he really want to achieve here? who knows, because he sure as hell doesn't lololol.

but seriously tho. it's probably simple human connection. or acknowledgement. he's always operated on a different level from everyone else, likely to the point of boredom and/or unfulfillment, so once he comes across someone that might operate on a level higher than him, of course he gets obsessed. game recognizes game and it's liberating.

he's most likely used to "it's only a matter of time" and not much else, so i bet the realization that "it's gonna be tough to catch this guy, isn't it?" was exhilarating because he NEVER had to think that before. and honestly, good for him. he seemed to have been a different sort of miserable before, but at least this new version allows for some bouts of genuine enjoyment.

he had to have said "because i'm the only one who can" at LEAST once, right? which is true! he is the only one who can. that's why lupin keeps him around. zenigata is the single legitimate threat that lupin hadn't managed to get rid of/ sway to his side and that amuses him to no end. he really likes that stubborn old man. he's great.

it's obvious that his skills would be far more useful and impactful on literally any other criminal case, yet he ACTIVELY CHOOSES to allocate his time to chasing after someone who simply can't be caught. and what's even worse is that he IS the only person who can catch him, maybe even end it all for good, but it's reached a point where he simply doesn't WANT to, solely because the chase is THAT entertaining/enriching/compelling to him. calling it a compulsion is great, actually. he's obsessed, doomed by the narrative, consumed by his ideals, etc. etc, and he's completely trapped by cartoon logic. i doubt he knows anything else.

the dark infatuation is great and all, don't get me wrong, but i really enjoy those bouts where he kinda just exists. he's living his best life, candidly enjoying what's going on around him or the (comparatively) simpler aspects of his job, and all that stuff up top becomes irrelevant, at least for a little while. i don't think he's wholly doomed, per se, just that we won't be seeing an "after" for him in any official capacity. because again, cartoon logic. he's got a role to fill, even if it's an objectively shit one -- but he makes do, and the fact that he is allowed to do other things is enough for me.

y'know, in hindsight, i think the live-action show impacted how i view this guy the most. i really do believe he doesn't have to be defined by his role in lupin's story. at heart he's a chaser, a dreamer. he keeps trying, over and over, and despite everything, he hopes. if he was none of those things he wouldn't even be after lupin in the first place, or lupin would never recognize him as his true rival.

....maybe i'll actually manage to finish some of the wips i have about all that stuff one of these days, lol.

as far as other media goes: parts 1, 2 and 4, tokyo crisis, ep 0: first contact, g vs r, and fuma are all pretty high up there, too. maybe a smidge of koike if i'm feeling particularly angsty, but until zeni's title movie comes out i wouldn't put too much weight on that one.

i'd be remiss to talk about the guy's most popular pairing, right? i mean, i gotta. it's lowkey kinda wild how luzeni never fascinated me to a point where i'd feel compelled to write or draw much of anything for them. they're like, all the worst aspects of fujilup/jiglup smashed together lmao. THAT'S INSANE, THEY'RE INSANE TOGETHER AND IT'S SO GOOD. but nah, jigzeni. we'll, uh.... we'll leave that for later.

my guess is it's because the fandom satiated any itch for luzeni that would've been there otherwise, like, right off the bat. the fics alone are so incredible to me and have greatly impacted how i see zeni in their own right. i should really re-read some of them. and maybe you should too, so--

LIST JUMPSCARE!! i read all of these (and more!!) this year!! and yes, they all involve zenigata!! i don't half-ass this obsession, just like zeni lmao. just be mindful of ratings and tags, ofc. explicits are red but the rest is reader's discretion. and if by the incredibly slim chance any of the writers of these see this, thank you for sharing your works, they're really friggin cool B)

Knave of Diamonds/Thoughts May Dim/Under Your Hat

In The Margins Of Another Life

Sunrise, Sunset

Judo in the Schwarzwald

unsaid/lucky strike/cold hands

The Language of Flowers

With Enemies Like These/All Along The Watchtower/Fair Game

Friends Don't Let Friends Diss The Chef

Fates Entwined

The Many Deaths of Kōichi Zenigata

mean luzeni series/Secondhand Vanity

Disreputable Company

Smother Your Sorrow

Kintsugi/how to hit on Zenigata and not actually hit him

pour déplacer un autre/My Dear Icarus

Fifty-Two, No Longer Counting

Smoke and Moonlight/Off the Record

this doesn't even scratch the surface, hah. i think i might like to read but i can't be entirely sure.

my favorite part of this fandom is probably how moldable all of the characters are; you can pick and choose from so many different types of media and sculpt the finer details however you want, but at their cores the character's fundamentals still shine through. it's how we get those fics and fanarts and even text posts like these going on about headcanons. this cast feels like people that've taken on lives of their own outside of their (frankly problematic) source material and that's super neat.

so at the end of the day, there really is no definitive version of zenigata, or any of the others for that matter; just a handful of constants. all of those bits and pieces from up top are a part of my zeni, in one way or another -- but i like a dozen other zenigatas too, even ones that might go against those points. he's definitely been my favorite for a straight year for a reason. maybe one of these days i'll figure out how to actually finish a story all on my lonesome and you'll be able to see my version of him in action ;)

so that's that, i guess. here's to another year.... and hopefully more lupin content, lol. i might not trust tms but i trust the fandom. it's a small but strong and good one and i'm glad to be part of it, even if it isn't in the most active capacity.

anyway pls keep drawing zeni like twice the size of everyone else lmao. tms are cowards for giving him stick arms like lupin >:((

[comicaurora]

I've recently finished Leverage and Leverage redemption and am in the process of casually rewatching it. (Thanks for introducing me to FMAB and ATLA too btw) I just want to ask you a few questions about it, like: What are your favorite things about each character? What are your favorite things about each relationship. What are your favorite things about the group? How do you feel about the sequel? How do feel about the romance in the show? What are your favorite running jokes? Thank you

hoohoohoo, it's like an essay prompt but about something I actually like

What are your favorite things about each character?

Nate: to be honest, kind of a hard sell - definitely the protagonist I like the least, intentionally so. That said, when they're dealing with a really hateful bad guy it's always fun to see Nate turn all his asshole powers against them and get really smug about it

Sophie: extremely insightful! fun to see it weaponized, extra fun to see her very gently use it to try and help the rest of the team live their best lives, especially Parker

Parker: oh how easily Parker could have been an Obliviously Sexy Unhinged Harley Quinn type, and instead we got the first thoughtfully written explicitly neurodivergent female character I've ever seen. Never infantilized despite it being a frequent plot point that the others help her through her difficulty in social settings and with processing loss. Full-fledged character in her own right, grows and becomes more comfortable without ever having her neurodivergence "fixed". she's a great character and I find her writing refreshingly free of red flags or "oof" moments. love that she's good with kids and teaches them Crime in the first ten minutes of hanging out

Hardison: literally the only normal person in this group and I say this as a compliment. everyone else is at least kind of a james-bond-style superspy with borderline preternatural abilities but hardison is the only character I trust to order a coffee without making a scene. unconditionally the emotional heart of the group and the only character able to openly admit that he likes the other characters, which is vital in a group of Edgy Loner Crime-Boys.

Eliot: joke answer, the hair. real answer, I love any character who turns themself into a weapon and stoically accepts that they'll never be anything else again. "Incredibly simple, but in the same way that a sword is simple." Adds a beautiful substrate of angst to all of his funny or lighthearted moments, as underlying it is a character who concluded long ago that he's irredeemable, and because he thus considers himself entirely disposable and even irrelevant is now determined to spend the rest of his life making the world a better place. Also, one of the only Edgy Badass Lancer types who is incredibly overt about how much he likes and cares about his teammates and never even jokes about "bah I'm better off on my own I was just passing through etc etc."

Harry: just an absolute wet noodle of a man. Love that he's taken Hardison's role of "only normal human being"

Breanna: absolutely love how bad she is at the social grifting side of things, because that is 100% accurate to every tech person I know

What are your favorite things about each relationship?

There's a lot of relationships and I'm not about to highlight all 10 OG pairings plus the 9 new pairings added by Harry and Breanna, so instead I'll just highlight my absolute favorite underrated one, which is Parker and Eliot. They have this odd synergy where they're both by far the most physically dangerous people in the group and also the most scarred by a country mile, and they have this kind of unspoken camraderie about it that only gets overtly highlighted in Season 4 Episode 1, "The Long Way Down Job." Everyone else in the group is a person, they seem to think; people they want to protect. But the two of them are tools and weapons, and that means they can do the things that people can't. Also within this synergy there's a good foiling dynamic where Eliot has basically seen it all and come to terms with everything under the sun, while Parker is comparatively extremely hyperfocused and rather sheltered and is constantly grappling with new situations. Underrated dynamic.

What are your favorite things about the group?

They just hang out sometimes! It feels like they keep existing when the camera's off them. Valuable screentime is spent on them just chilling and chatting, getting dinner together and bringing up more wacky offscreen hijinks. A story that's relentlessly All Action And Disrupted Status Quo All The Time starts tuning you out after a while, but it's the slow, peaceful moments that make us invested in their success and in them being able to help the innocent-victims-of-the-week.

How do you feel about the sequel?

Loved the first season, tentatively optimistic about the rest of it - I've been burned before so I'm taking it slow.

How do you feel about the romance in the show?

Parker and Hardison's thing is cute and compelling! Big fan of how it doesn't override the other dynamics and isn't treated as intrinsically more important than the rest of the gang's relationships. Nate and Sophie's thing feels a little more plot-mandated and tbh Nate is kind of an unlikable fuckhead so I'm not sure why Sophie was so hung up, but it wasn't too disruptive and it was always very funny seeing them play a dysfunctional couple on a grift

What are your favorite running jokes?

"Dammit Hardison." Parker pushing people off of things. Someone asking Eliot if he knows about some niche thing or random bad guy and then it flashes back to him getting waterboarded in Area 51 or whatever and it cuts back to him mildly going "yea". Wil Wheaton is in this show and everybody hates him. "It's a very distinctive [thing]." Harry, walking befuddled sunshine man, being like "yes I know all the inner workings of this specific niche evil lawyer thing, I was a bad guy remember?" to this group of expert crime boys and somehow surprising them every time

[zekekaiju]

As you may or may not know Ash is finally getting out of the Pokemon tv series. This presents a problem, not because of Ash I like Ash well enough but he is terribly generic. That's kinda the whole point of him and his vague dream of "being the very best". You could swap him out with minimal difficulties and his companions are even more basic we literally do swap them out every few seasons. No, the issue is Pikachu. Pikachu is the mascot of the series and the franchise overall. In some cases he was the main draw to the show. Literally the only reason my brother watched the show after a certain point was because of Pikachu. So how do you replace Pikachu? Or rather how do you recreate what made Pikachu special? Well you can't at least not without dealing with everyone comparing your new mascot Pokemon to Pikachu. Those comparisons are pretty much universally going to be unfavorable. If you try to do Pikachu again it is going to fall short of people's expectations. So the solution is don't try. Let me pitch to you my idea for a new Pokemon tv series.

We start off with our protagonist Jet several years after the end of the old series at least 10 probably more like 20 (why the time skip will become clear later just bear with me). The name is amenable but Jet is a nice sensible protagonist name short seems like a cool dude but with a bit of fire in him. Now Jet is sent out by his Mom to do a favor for the Pokemon professor. He needs to fill out the Pokedex for the professor so he has to at least see every pokemon he doesn't have to catch them all but he does need to encounter them. Why is he being sent out to do this? Irrelevant, doesn't matter, he just is. Obviously this is a very dangerous undertaking so his mom gives him her old partner an Arcanine. You see his mom is a retired officer Jenny and she sends her Arcanine along to protect him. Obviously Arcanine is far stronger then anything else starting out and also not exactly his pokemon. So Jet needs to catch his own pokemon to use in Pokemon battles, because it wouldn't be fair to use Arcanine against Jimmy the bug catcher and Arcanine doesn't want to fight unless Jet is in danger or it's an even challenge. So the protagonist's sense of honor and the Pokemon's own feelings keep the overpowered Arcanine from just wiping the floor with everyone. This allows our protagonist and his pokemon to grow while also giving us a cool new mascot that can compete above our current level as needed. Plus you can focus on the steadily growing relationship between his mom's Arcanine and him as the two of them learn to respect each other and work together.

Now another major issue that I haven't addressed is the absence of everyone's second favorite characters, Team Rocket. Jessie, James and Meowth are all leaving the tv series as well. This is a huge problem for pretty much everyone. We all love those dorks and hate to see them go, you could legitimately just keep them in the series but there might be another solution. I propose we have them retire get married and Jessie achieves her lifelong dream of being a nurse Joy. They have two kids who grow up hearing stories of the glory days from uncle Meowth and set off to restart the glorious legacy of team rocket. Armed with a blissey and a wobbufett, they set off and are immediately blasted away by Jet's Arcanine. You see they are completely incompetent when it comes to crime. Nothing else just crime, as the story progresses you see that they are really good at pokemon battles and other aspects of Pokemon life but they stink at being evil. They also serve the same purpose ash's companions serve. The sister acts as a love interest and rival/slash witty banter person to Jet, while the brother is comedy relief/genuinely useful information guy like Brock. He could also have a rotating list of companions but the main companion roles would be filled by the new team rocket. This sounds a little confusing I'm sure but I think it would work really well. Now I don't have names for the rocketeers so currently they are just boy and girl in my head.

This is how I'd do the next iteration of Pokemon. I think it is the best way to go forward with the series. I think it keeps key core elements while still being it's own thing.

[captain-astors]

If you're still doing the game can I get a 003 with Juuzou?? :D (*Suzuya voice* "Suzuya Juuzou desu")

If there is a single edit of him that does not contain that line I would be terrified of it, the originality would be too profound! Anyways, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. All aboard everyone, it’s Shinigami time. Slowly but surely I will offer my terribly skewed, probably misinterpreted opinions on every single character. Eat up.

How I feel about this character: 

I love the two reapers. We do not speak of the third. In my heart there is no third. Just two. We do not speak of tres. He’s so pale he probably gets sunburnt on the chin after trying to tell ghost stories to his squad and shining the flashlight from bellow in the dark to make it “spooky” for too long, and then it takes the combined forces of Shinohara and Hanbee to hold him still to splatter some aloe vera on it. Those two are so thankful for each other’s help in containing this gremlin I can guarantee it. He’s toned it down slowly over the recent years of being treated like an Actual Human Being and Not a Fighting Machine by the aforementioned duo as well as the rest of his squad at times, but he’s also gotten stronger and if he wants to be free he will be free. You cannot contain him. It’s like trying to put an eel in a box. RUN MY BOY! SPRINT YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE! He’s such a vibe and I honestly wish I could maintain the same level of shamelessness at all times but alas, the horrors contain me and the day I am free shall be one to fear for all. He’s so messed up but congratulations to him for trying. Listen to Shinohara when he tells you to go to bed and don’t listen to Hanbee when he says he’s fine after being accidentally stabbed, he’s really not but he doesn’t want to inconvenience you.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

Tricky question, He definitely does not seem like the kind of person to love romantically often, quickly, or perhaps even at all. I probably headcanon him as arospec BUT if I had to pick one, Suzuhan is near and dear to my heart. I’d say I ship it confidently but the thing is, the nature of their relationship is kind of irrelevant to me as long as they care about each other. They’re such a special duo to me, I wouldn’t say I think about it the most but it is definitely a comfort thing for me and I thrive off of the work of that one Suzuhan artist. (can’t remember their name but if you’ve so much as glanced through the tag I’m sure you’ve seen them.) To reiterate, I wouldn’t say I specifically ship them romantically nor that I specifically ship them platonically. I simply ship them regardless and without preference. They should be together. They should matter to each other. They should live in harmony and watch scary movies so Suzuya can give ridiculous explanations to how he thinks the visual effects works until Hanbee’s laughing too hard to worry about having nightmares. I want them to learn from each other and grow in tandem. Thank you, and goodnight.

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: 

I’m a basic soul, of course I'm going to say Shinohara. That’s his dad. There's no question about it. Literally just father and son. They bring me a great deal of happiness, not my all-time favorite duo but they’re definitely one of them and they’re definitely up there

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

He’s not actually that deep. Love him, but he’s not incredibly complicated or nuanced, nor does he need to be! He’s actually one of few characters in Tokyo Ghoul I consider to be at a perfect level of development, not too much attention nor too little, good arc, good development, satisfying conclusion, good dynamics, interesting to watch on his own. 

Also I don’t like that people willingly embrace that just because terrible things happened to this character in his youth that loosened at least a few screws in his brain doesn’t mean that he’s just not worthy of respect but the same cannot be said for Shikorae. Who is also still a person, even if he’s lost more function. They’re both adults who’ve been deeply affected and while obviously the severity of this differs, and if you knew them personally they should be treated differently, neither of them are animals. But people seem a lot more willing to accept that as fact for one over the other. Funny how that’s the pretty one who retains full verbal function. Given, this isn’t helped by the fact that one is given a very normal resolution while the other becomes the “post credits villain” who loses all human characteristics and really is just reduced to a beast by the narrative itself, but that just makes me disappointed in the author as well. This is becoming more “unpopular shikorae opinions” So I suppose to wrap it all up, actually Suzuya centric, 13’s Jason is actually rather clunky and awkward in appearance and function alike. But this could be the artist and weapon designer in me talking about what a nightmare it is to draw and how terrible it would be for even cutting, let alone fighting on a practical level. Even just as a fantasy weapon I don’t like it very much outside of a few choice panels… Hottest take on this blog in my opinion, I am a lukewarm person on public platforms, I’m just theatrical about it at times. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As I’ve mentioned I have very few qualms with the handling of his character, and I think he’s excellently written! So I don’t have many wishes, perhaps maybe a bit more time with Hanbee but that’s more me wanting more time for the irrelevant side character who frankly, considering he helped take down Kaneki and was, as said by the guy himself, Suzuya’s key to that fight, looked way too cool and was way too strong to be so minor. That Arata armor with the skull mask? Killed. (RIP to Arata himself though, hope he enjoyed being peeled. ) 

Favorite friendship for this character: 

This question feels redundant to me curiously if I already answered what my favorite non-romantic relationship is, why friendship as well? Anyways to digress, Mutsuki, Hanbee or Haise. I feel like they could get sweets together, or go trick-or-treating. I’ve had a sketch of Hanbee and Juuzou dressed up as an astronaut and a pink alien with four arms respectively rotating in my mind for the past day. It might never exist but remind me if you care.

My crossover ship: 

Do I even need to mention these are never romantic anymore. Zazie the beast. They’ve got very similar vibes, or Milly my beloved. They could get along splendidly for very similar reasons to Hanbee, but in more of an older sister role, and she’s more self-assured.

[eskumii]

soft yandere!incel!izuku midoriya + darling who's a famous pro hero

TITLE: " SHE WANT ME FR " — navi.

NOTES: literally ascended into the air mid sleep cycle to write this and it's kinda different than what i usually write so forgive me i'm feeling a little silly goofy rn ,, nsfw below the cut!! idk why this keeps not showing up in tags :( so frustrating, i reposted like three times already man edit: works now lol

PAIRING: soft yandere!incel!izuku midoriya x pro hero!reader

GENRE/AU: izuku is quirkless and works a boring office job, rookie pro hero!reader, izuku is a pervert + woman hater + literally delusional smh

CHARACTERS: izuku midoriya (20), reader (19)

imagine incel!izuku who's obsessed with you, a promising new pro hero just barely debuting into the infancy of her career.

incel!izuku who, at first, isn't interested. you're another female pro hero, so what? he's rather partial to it; you're only really getting attention because you're a female. once everyone sees past the pretty face and nice thighs, you'll be irrelevant.

incel!izuku who falls in love after seeing one leaked picture of you pre-pro hero era, where you're makeup-less with messy hair and in pajamas. having been uploaded to one of the deep web forums he frequents, he expected an overwhelming amount of hate but, instead, everyone thinks you're even more attractive. izuku stares at the picture long and hard—actually, maybe he's beginning to see what they mean. he bookmarks it and revisits it often.

a few days later, it's his new lock screen.

incel!izuku who keeps a journal full of all the information he's gathered on you so far; from height and weight to your favorite food and color. he watches all your interviews and jots down the timestamps in which you do something cute—not that he doesn't just rewatch the whole thing later, anyway. he'll vehemently deny being a fan of yours because oh, you're not that cool, but at least you're cute! he can't possibly let people know how far into the rabbit hole he is, not a chance.

incel!izuku who begins scouring the internet, looking for erotica content about you to consume. sometimes he'll even write his own, pouring out his fetishized fantasies onto the notes app of his phone. how he'll tie you up and have his way with you—whether you want it or not—because a woman should always take responsibility for being so carelessly screwable!

he totally jacks off in a bathroom stall during break at work because he gets so turned on while scrolling through your pictures when he's supposed to be filing papers. he'll sigh in relief when he finishes all over his phone screen, which displays a picture of your face, before cleaning up his mess.

truthfully, izuku knows his growing obsession with you is unhealthy. but, but, he was the same with all might when he was a kid—there's no harm in looking up to a pro hero, is there? besides, you're a woman, so it's only natural your slutty, skin-tight pro hero outfits would give him such raging hard-ons when he doesn't want them to! aren't you ashamed of yourself, walking around in such tasteless outfits? if you were his wife, he'd never let you leave the house. ever.

incel!izuku who's such an avid fan that he collects everything that's you-themed. he buys all your limited edition merch: shirts, posters, trading cards, cups, body pillows. you don't even want to know how many he's had to replace from cutting holes in them and pretending they're you when he's horny. a huge portion of his salary now goes to catering his embarrassing addiction to you. you should be grateful for having such a loyal, loving fan, no?

as if reading his thoughts, your management team announces that you'll be having a fan meet-up. izuku is so ecstatic that he's among the first people to pre-order tickets the second they're released. he dreams about shaking your hand or even giving you a hug, and how your soft your body will feel against his. he can't wait to touch you and just be near you; he's not sure he'll be able to control himself.

when the meet-up day rolls around, izuku queues up in the line and waits his turn to meet you. he's almost trembling by the time he reaches the table where you're sitting, smiling so adorably at the little kid that's rambling to you excitedly. the sight is precious—he wants that to be his kid one day.

a few minutes later, it's his turn. izuku walks up to the table, stiff as a board, and crouches down so he's eye-level with you. he's blushing intensely and your eye contact with him is making him feel so hot. you smile at him, and he begins to feel a touch light-headed.

"hi! thanks for coming," you reach out for a handshake. "so sorry the line's so long, we didn't expect so many people to come out!"

izuku can hardly speak. unsure of what to say, he simply nods and shakily reaches out to grab your hand, the anticipation almost sending him over the edge. and when your hands do finally intertwine, he immediately and unexpectedly gets a boner. a euphoric feeling runs through his body like lightning, striking his heart as if an arrow. seeing you in person is so much better than the pictures.

as you go to pull away, you can't. his grip is so tight that you literally have to wrench your hand away. he's staring at you with such a concentrated focus that you're not sure he's blinked even once since he came up to you. you're a bit weirded out now, so you try to end the meeting quickly.

"ah, well, uhm, what's your name?" you ask hesitantly, popping the cap off your marker so you can sign a poster for him.

did you just ask for his name? his name?

"i-it's i-i-izuku midoriya!" it comes out of his mouth in a shrill tone and it sounds like nails on a chalkboard to you.

"i-zu-ku... mi-do-ri-ya..." you repeat his name slowly as you sign both his name and your signature at the bottom of the poster.

each person gets five minutes with you. izuku doesn't say much. it's completely awkward for you when your questions go unanswered and you're instead being stared through with those jade green eyes of his. when five minutes is up, you wave goodbye and blow a complimentary kiss, as it's apart of your trademark. you literally couldn't wait for it to be over.

izuku doesn't take his eyes off of you until he's escorted out of the room by the staff. his heart is beating out of his chest right now; did that even really happen? did he actually touch you? it sinks in slowly but surely. he did! he touched you! your hand was so soft and fit so perfectly in his. like it was meant to be. and the way you looked at him? he resists the urge to palm himself through his jeans.

you're such a sweetheart, too. not like other low IQ women who just ignore him when he's trying to be nice to them; come on, you even asked for his name! you really are different from the rest. not to mention how good you smelled, it's a sure sign you know how to take care of yourself. he'll have to find out what perfume you use so he can spray it on his body pillows.

he just can't wait to go home and brag about it all on his online forums and the fan sites he's recently joined!

but first, the tightness in his pants is increasing to crazy levels of uncomfortable. he excuses himself to the bathroom to take care of it, still giddy from the fact he had just been face-to-face with you mere moments ago. as he unzips his pants and begins almost violently rubbing one out, he stares intently at the poster you had given him with bated breath and a gaze ripe with lust.

that's right, incel!izuku uses the hand you shook to jack off, just to cum all over the poster that you gave him. he's literally drooling as his fist is rocketing along his sensitive length, milking himself for all he's worth. shuddering in pleasure from his orgasm, he smiles dazedly at the poster of your face now slick and sticky with his semen.

what a bad girl, making him go to such lengths! making him so horny and needy with your alluring eyes and adorable smile! how dare you steal his heart and walk around looking the way you do, knowing he can't have you the way he wants. what a whore. you should be the one getting him off and making him feel good!

it's all your fault, darling. don't blame him when he breaks into your house while you're sleeping next.

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

[crymeariveronceagain]

River's thoughts after re-reading Neverseen

NEW! FAVORITE! BOOOOK!!! Neverseen gets all the stars!!! I loved this one so much! There was so much going on and I loved every minute of it! Honestly, there is so little of this book that I'd change if I was writing the series that like I don't even know what to do with myself.

Oh wait I'm making a list of my thoughts.

Dex is irrelevant mostly ig. Poor Dex. At least he's got some things to do and some involvement. He's hanging out with Keefe??? Okay the Dex and Keefe friendship was so much more in depth than I remembered I need to have them interact more when I write fics. Like, I'm willing to bet they grew apart over the following books, but in Neverseen, they're just. So. Friendship??? Like 10/10 I love this for them.

THE REASON I SHIP SOKEEFE IS THIA BOOK. THIS BOOK IS WHERE KEEFE BECOMES MORE OF A MAIN CHARACTER THAN FITZ, MORE OF A MAIN CHARACTER THAN DEX, TAM, LINh, ALL OF THEM. THIS IS THE BOOK WHERE THEY HOLD EACH OTHER'S HANDS AND TELL EACH OTHER IT WILL BE OKAY AND WATCH EACH OTHER'S BACKS AND IM IN LOVE WITH THESE TWO

oh speaking of Tam and Linh, these two are slowly destroying my soul I forgot how they were really introduced I forgot how screwed up in the head they are

Exilium was so much more jarringly horrible. Like people actually said "let's put all the untouchables, the social pariahs, the unworthy, the useless, the bad, all in a prison camp, and make them fight for individualistic survival." How dense can you get? No matter how much budget this prison camp gets, it's core fundamentals aren't gonna change. The unworthy and broken will always go there, and they will fight for themselves, and themselves alone.

Like Tam and Linh weren't allowed to help or talk to each other during the day for years they've gotta have sign language figured out

LINH WAS FORCED TO PRACTICALLY WATERBOARD HERSELF FOR A GOOD GRADE???? WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TRAUMA THIS GIRL HAS GONE THROUGH?!

Also. Hydrokinesis is water-speaking confirmed. I'll be posting the line later. I have feelings.

Imagine how overwhelmed and horrible it would be to get your face shoved in a bucket of water for 45 minutes when it's literally screaming bloody murder at you.

Also shouldn't Sophie be dead if she held her breath for 45 minutes?! Just saying.

I found the Linh/Fitz ship basis. And it turns out Fitz literally just wants to be stepped on by a powerful, beautiful woman. So does Dex. They want a powerful woman to step on them. They're complete simps and I mean that in the most positive way, when they get married they will ADORE their wives, oh my stars.

Speaking of Fitz. This kid. Has so many issues. Holy frick. This entire book is high-key a red flag for Fitz and his like, general emotional state. He says so many things that are just kind of wrong enough to sound like accurate cover ups for deeper issues. There are so many little scenes where it's implied his family is different than what it looks like on the surface.

He's the perfect golden child and the facade is starting to melt and you just find a kid who needs approval and has to put everything about himself on hold just to get it.

Calla is so old.

Forkle you need to understand that if you let kids into your terrorist organization then you need to stop trying to keep them out of the stuff they need to be involved in. The children are already involved, asshat. Stop saying they're not. They're knees deep in the problems you created. You can't pull them out now.

Speaking of, the Black Swan did a complete 180 on their treatment of Sophie. One of the things that was particularly jarring about Everblaze was the lengths it went to in order to dehumanize Sophie in every way. She was a weapon, a creation, a science experiment, and a freak. Very, very, very few adults actually treated her like an actual person. So this book, when Forkle writes his name down as her family, tells her he cares about her, all that stuff, it hits wrong. Everyone spent so much time dehumanizing Sophie that trying to treat her like a person almost makes it seem like they're lying to her, nearly constantly, about who she is to them.

Also, controversial opinion, give Sophie complete control over her own mind. Give her all her memories back. Don't leave her brain like swiss cheese. She deserves to possess herself, at the very least.

Fitz getting stabbed by a bug should be talked about more

Also the council was from a straight up dystopia this book, gotta vibe.

Keefe distracting King Dimitar heck yeah I love that kid-- also that whole thing oozed self destruction I think we need to get Keefe some therapy ASAP, much of this could have been avoided

The gnomes were like, such a background concern about this because all the emotion in this book was tied up with Gisela, Keefe, Sophie, Fitz, and Tam and Linh. There was none left for the gnomes. And we learned so little about Calla that even HER death didn't make me have feelings as much as the scene where Keefe and Sophie have a window sleepover.

I forgot people thought Fintan died with Kenric

The Alvar betrayal didn't give me anything but confirmation that Alvar might be double crossing the Neverseen with the Black Swan and that Alden might still be Neverseen

Ooh also new idea for the head Neverseen person we'd never see coming: Kenric. Fintan made it out of the flames, another Neverseen member could have, too. Just saying.

Keefe Sencen actually had a rather emotionally mature reaction to grief. And to the trauma. He just kind of felt things, converted it into a desire to do SOMETHING, and then got mad when people prevented him from doing things. Like? That's pretty mature? Fitz practically threw temper tantrums and punched holes in walls. Grady and Edaline self isolated. Alden absolutely crumbled. And Keefe turned his emotions into actions. Good actions, too, if a little reckless.

Speaking of. Keefe's sneaking into the Neverseen plan was better thought out, better executed, and smarter than anything the black swan had implemented up to that point. The only person he endangered was himself, the only one accountable was him, the only person who needed to do anything was him. And he put himself in a VERY advantageous place. Sure, he hurt some people. But this is war. It's not something you can put too much weight on what other people you emotionally hurt with. You need to think critically, and every second you waste not doing something is a second your enemy could be doing something. Keefe Sencen is not and will never be Neverseen. But his plan was smart, well executed, and did what it needed to.

Grady only calls Keefe "that boy" after he goes to the Neverseen. Which means that Grady really loved that kid and got hurt by him leaving. Or he is combining Brant and Keefe together in his head, along with his daughters.

Can we please just trust the Empath with one thing?

[always9000percent]

MAJOR ST5 SPOILER AHEAD

ISTG Duffers, if you don't bring Eddie back in season 5 using some random excuse like you did with Hopper...

I'm just so pissed that Eddie had such a premature and shitty ending, like??? Why. Why would you create the best and most iconic character in Stranger Things ever, just to kill him off and for what?? Did his death even have any relevance for the storyline? No!

Literally why, just WHY do the Duffers feel the need to kill off a beloved character per season at LEAST. It's not cute Duffers!!! It doesn't make the show any more interesting! It only makes it repetitive, to the point that everyone already expected this death to happen because it's like a pattern on the show.

His death was pretty lame too, and contradictory for his character, it was just sooo forced and out of the blue, and it was treated as something pretty irrelevant. No other character than Dustin actually cared AT ALL, everyone else was smiling the next day... There was no funeral, no tears, no nothing!!

Eddie was main character material, and I feel robbed, because I can't believe that we were given such an amazing character, only so we could only enjoy him for no longer than ONE season. I'm in denial. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that I'll never see Eddie Munson on screen again. Ever.

He quickly became a fan favorite, and to some (including me), preferred over any other iconic character like Steve... and then, he was taken away from us, and for what!!!

I would've totally pictured him become part of the squad just like Robin did, but nooooo. I guess killing him was the easy way out of the mental struggle it would've taken the Duffers to figure out how to prove his innocence to the people in Hawkins.

Anyways, RIP to the best character in Stranger Things so far... suuuch a waste of potential.

Look at him. Look at my boy :(

Your time was too short </3

[vynsvision]

Reviewing Vyn SSR cards bc I'm bored and I LOVE his cards a lot.

I couldn't say I prefer all of his cards to someone else's, because each of the boys have their ups and downs. What I will say is he's my favorite of the NXX boys and whenever I think he may lose my bias, I remember a few cards and I remember why he's my favorite.

Average rating: 3.8/5 stars :)

Gonna go chronological or at least the order that I read the cards.

Starting off strong with-

Medieval Suspense - 5/5 stars

This was the first SSR I ever got, and the first one I ever read. The lil guy got in my head and stayed there. Cheers.

Story summary: Vyn and MC go to this sort of LARP thing in Stellis. MC has never done this sort of thing before, but they're glad Vyn is there because he has. (Of course he has.)

Everyone gets costumes according to their roles, and they all meet again in a dining room in character to start the murder mystery. MC's character conveniently has amnesia so they're extra in the dark.

The story itself (the LARP one that the characters are playing) is super dramatic which is delicious. Its later revealed that Vyn's character and MC's character had been a couple, which I think everyone knew Except MC.

Ultimately, Vyn's character was the one responsible for the murder, but im pretty sure the rest of the characters agree to let it slide, lol.

Art is fucking fantastic, even if its a little simple. I'll always be a sucker for this card, as its the first one I ever got. Story is immaculate. Therefore, 5/5 stars, easy.

Near and Far - 1/5 stars.

Listen. The art of the third evolution is kinda sweet. But like. This and two other cards focus on Vyn's job as a psychiatrist (psychologist????) and I do not like how this card was done at all.

First off, it is about MC visiting Vyn at the Giannovyn mental center and they meet a patient with DID. On the one hand, cool that HYV knew about DID before Moon Knight. (Low bar i know.) On the other hand... I, a person who is not a system but was aware of DID before previous stated low bar, dont think it was handled that well. The patient in the card has 2 alters- one is chill and she's assumed to be a sort of host or fronting alter i think, the other has it out for literally everyone. Its kinda interesting later when its revealed how the alter was formed, but... idk. It just feels a little. Weird to me? Again though I'm not a system so my view may be irrelevant.

Another thing in a couple of Vyn's cards is that MC or Vyn are physically harmed. In this card, he gets a cut from the sister alter. I dont super love this because it doesn't seem like anyone else has this trend in their cards.

Art is nice but its just less interesting for the context and story of the card. 1/5 bc art is still well done but its just meh in general.

Heartfelt Suspense - 2.5/5 stars

This is the Lost Gold event card! Set after the end of the event, Vyn and MC are a part of a team to look for contestants that got lost during the event. They find and rescue a woman who had fallen down a rockside. Her ankle is pretty banged up- i think its sprained? She pretty quickly falls for Vyn and flirts pretty shamelessly, causing MC to feel jealous. They have bad reception for the radios to contact the staff, so Vyn goes to look for reception and supplies, leaving MC with the woman. Then MC gets fed up with the woman's pride and need for attention so she leaves. (Wtf MC) They find Vyn as they attempt to cross a rope bridge. They go back to the woman and they're all picked up by staff.

Vyn explains at some point that the woman fell head over heels for Vyn because of a sort of like savior complex due to the adrenaline. MC feels silly for being jealous.

Overall its not a bad card per se, but its not one of my favorites, either. I also. Really like MC's little outfit in this card. So cute. And Vyn's dialog with them on the bridge. Good moment.

2 stars for the chemistry of Vyn and MC even tho they're not together yet, half a star for MC's little outfit :)

A Star In the Night - 5/5 stars

First of all. CAN WE GET SOME COMMOTION FOR THE DRESS???? The third evolution for this card is fucking spectacular while the first two are so plain. The art. Incredible. The dress. Showstopping. VYN DIPPING MC????? FANTASTIC!!!

This is Vyn's birthday event card. God bless.

For whatever reason or other they're both at an event and the entertainment to cap off the evening is this fancy dance to be performed, but oops the professional dancers had to cancel! Luckily, Vyn knows the dance and teaches it to MC. They do the dance successfully. Yay.

Ok but seriously. One if the first SR cards I read was A Gentleman's Game, which was my first indication of omg Vyn isnt from Stellis? So like. I knew that hes this lil royal dickhead that knows all kinds of court stuff. And dances. And etiquette. Et cetera. But the absolute BANGERS of lines in this card. Vyn being sly about how he knows stuff, knowing it's his birthday but he makes it all about MC, his little jerk moves where he's like "I have so much authority and knowledge you couldn't even imagine. But its ok, I choose you regardless." Like !!!!!! SIR!!!!! Honestly, while I haven't read Artem or Luke's bday cards, those seem to still keep the boys as the focus of the card, confirmed in Marius's. But in Vyn's he makes sure MC is the center of attention. Its fucking spectacular. Marvelous. Incredible. Its literally amazing.

Apparently I forgot how much I loved this card.

Anyway, bunch'a stars to the art, bunch'a stars to the story, bunch'a stars to the chemistry. Thank u.

Between Good and Evil - 2.5/5 stars

Symphony of the Night event card.

Sorely disappointing card I gotta say. The art has a lot going for it so thats nice but the whole story is gaslighting a grandma about MC being possessed by her daughter while trying to find information about scammers. Ultimately, the grandma confesses she knows they're just pretending.

The story on this one is funky (/neg) and Vyn just,,, seems kinda out of character in it, especially the beginning part when he does the electric static ball thing. Like yo wtf. Creepy weird. Ick.

2 stars for the art, half a star for benefit of the doubt in case I forgot a good moment. Idk. The rating system is made up mostly. But I'm right.

Blazing Colors - 5/5 stars

Love Poem to Skadi event card.

YO WHEN I TELL YOU THIS CARD FUCKING SLAPS, (a positive phrase, btw) IT FUCKING SLAPS.

Story summary before I ramble- Vyn and MC are still on Skadi after the event so they go to this island off the coast where this volcano is. Vyn is there to visit a friend and so MC comes with. For the culture, of course. Anyway, they meet the friend who's a glass artist. Some dialog happens, I think a day or two passes, they explore some historical war ruins, they visit friend in her shop, and then boom, volcano on the island is gonna erupt. Women and children are assigned to be ferried off the island while men are directed to stay behind to be picked up by helicopters. Somewhere during this, as MC and friend get on the ferries, they both realize that the helicopters won't be able to land because of the ash and smoke in the air, so MC points out canoes and other small boats the men can row out. MC leaves the friend in charge of telling the authorities about that plan, and MC races to where the men were going to be. Meanwhile, Vyn was also realizing the helicopters weren't going to be able to land, so he convinces the authorities to go to the ruins, which are flat and big enough and high enough to be a good spot for pick up. After Vyn leads everyone to the ruins, MC arrives to the airfield to find it empty. They then realize the same thing Vyn did, and follows them to the ruins. Reunion happens and they get off the island safely before things get serious.

(Wrote this before summary and I'm unmotivated to adjust it) I'm kinda a sucker for glass art first of all. So the npc that we meet being a glass artist??? Hello. ALSO THE CHIBI ART IN THIS ONE IS SO CUTE I HAVENT MENTIONED THE LIKE IDK MEMORY THINGS YET BUT THEY BOTH TRY THE FISH AND THEYRE BOTH ICKED OUT ITS SO CUTE THEY TRY TO SAVE FACE AAAAAH

Aaaanyway, yeah, lots of cute stuff happens in this card. And the art is incredible. I dont super love the first two evolutions but I do appreciate them a lot and the FUXKING THIRD EVOLUTION AAAAAND ITS CONTEXT IM GONNA SCREEEAAAAM.

This card is perfect incredible showstopping amazing wonderful stupendous. Its probably my favorite Vyn card.

Art, story, chemistry, everything. Amazing.

Food for Thought - 4/5 stars.

Romantic Rail Getaway event card.

Listen. Slut!Vyn is always good. Idk what to say.

Vyn and MC go back to uh fake France to visit Vyn's wine making friend. Coincidentally, this wine-making friend is a hugely impactful and rich and influential person in the global wine industry. He hosts Vyn and MC but mostly lets Vyn do whatever he wants. Fab.

They harvest some grapes and they also plant a vine together. (The hoops MC leaps through for everything to be "as friends!" is silly goofy in EVERY card but I digress.) Later, Vyn gets aaaaaa little drunk but he keeps his head on his shoulders and knows better than to do or say anything to make MC uncomfortable.

MC also at some point eavesdrops on a conversation with Vyn and his wine making pal about Vyn's parents. We get a lot of Vyn and Svart lore/info in this card.

Art was fantastic, story was cute, drunk!vyn was good, yeah. Chill times :)

Neon Melody - 4/5 stars

Once again Vyn gets jealous as he misinterprets MC's attention on anyone else but him. Dumbass. (/affectionate)

MC goes to a club or something I dont remember why but they see Vyn there in a comPLETELy different outfit and atmosphere than normal. Finds out that Vyn has been in the club music scene for a bit. MC meets a "friend" of his (he's actually a patient/client? of Vyn) and this friend explains what Vyn is doing in this scene.

MC inspires Vyn to write some music about a specific subject and he dedicates the performance to MC while everyone else is gushing and vying for his attention.

Art is great, Vyn naps with his head on MC's lap, VYN RICHTER IN IDK CLUB PERFORMER OUTFIT!!!!!!, vyn being upset about not having MC's attention (chill version) and just. Yeah. Good stuff. :)

Last but certainly not least-

Flickering Moonlight - 5/5 stars.

When I tell you I was excited for this card to be completely embracing au, im telling you I was fucking ecstatic.

The art of this card is so perfect and before it came out I was confused as to how this would make sense to be dressed up like this in Stellis or Khamit. And then. Its. An au. Without any explanation or "hey is this a dream?" or anything. EVEN THE FACETIME CALL ISNT A FACETIME CALL ITS YOU GO AND HANG W VYN AT A WATER FOUNTAIN??????

The immersion. Fuck, man.

AND THE COVERING OF MC's MOUTH SO THEY DONT REVEAL THEIR AND VYN'S HIDING SPOT TO THE PHAROAH AND VISCOUNT OR WHATEVER? "gOOD GIRL"?????????? THE BINDFOLD???? THE EMBRACING AND THE "I'm do glad I found you to be the one like me- questioning the pharaoh and the gods because this truly seems a little sus" like. Bruh. I am. Gone. This card. Fantastic. Probably my second favorite.

Yeah.

Anyway, yes I have all the Vyn cards, yes I know its wild, no im not going to talk about the amount of money I've spent on this game.

Vyn Richter love of my life. How else do I end this?

[jujutsu-headcanons]

Gojo Satoru general headcanons

Let's get one thing clear: this man is absolutely chaotic. He is always full of energy. His energy levels never reach below 50%. He is loud and proud, always running, and never takes a minute to relax.

Do not give him Monster. Shoko did that once and it took her forever to get him off the ceiling. Also, avoid caffeine. Shoko replaces his normal coffee with decaf and he still hasn't noticed the difference. Keep it that way.

He was the class clown when he was younger. He wasn't exactly a trouble maker, but he may as well be. I cannot word that sentence and I am sorry. Next.

All of his teachers assumed he never listened in class, so they always called in him when they thought he wasn't paying attention. It still shocked them every time he rattled off the correct answer.

Not only did he answer the question correctly, but he could also explain his reasoning behind the answer, and if it was multiple choice, explain why the other answers were wrong. 

This tall man child would march up to the board and absolutely fill it to the brim with work, turn around, drop the chalk-like a mic drop and walk back to his desk with the smuggest look on his face.

That doesn't mean he did the work tho

Idk how schools in japan work but we all know schools in America only care about the amount of work you do and not what you actually know so we'll use that for the sake of the headcanon: he had straight D's bc he never turned in his work

Despite not doing the work snd goofing off, teachers actually really liked him

A lot of people liked him and he was super popular, but he still felt alone

Fake friends, you know how that works, he didn't meet any real friends until he became a shaman

Clean freak. This dude actually makes his bed. He scrubs his bathroom twice a week. His desk can get cluttered but he straightens up once a week. He's not exactly a germaphobe because

He cannot respect your personal space and that's actually canon but let me take it a step further 

He's a slapper. Especially when he laughs. It doesn't hurt, it's playful dw. He hugs you from behind especially when he's cold. He picks you up and carries you around. He will grab your wrist, arm, or hand and lead you around even if you're following him. He lays his legs across you or lays across your lap. Puts his head on your shoulder. Platonic cuddling between friends is mandatory. He's just so hands-on it's ridiculous.

Unless you explicitly tell him you're uncomfortable he won't stop

Don't worry, if you aren't in that type of relationship, your no-no square is safe. Except, if you seem chill, he will slap your ass regardless of friendship status. His ass is also slappable. You can't tell me Geto and Gojo didn't run around slapping each other asses, okay

He was weird and scrawny as a child. He didn't start beefing out until he started training to be a shaman and he's still kinda smaller than most beefy boys

He can pick you up and throw you around easily. He carried around a 170 pound Yuji like a sack of potatoes and can easily carry around three times that weight

It's amazing he's so tiny because you remember 2014 Shane Dawson making all of those wack ass desserts that was just s pile of chaos wrapped in chocolate?

He can eat every last bite of one of those monstrosities without getting a stomach ache, gaining weight, or dying basically

He knows bc Yuji dared him to do it

He has really cold hands and feet

He sounds old. Let me elaborate. He's constantly cracking his joints. They also creak when he moves. He complains about body pains like he's 80 y/o

He also shares wisdom with the kids as if he's actually 80 y/o

It's irrelevant advice that doesn't make sense but is also useful. Megumi can't count the number of times he's asked Gojo for feedback on his technique but had been told to remember to chew 40 times or never go to bed angry

Starts off sentences with "now son" and "when I was your age"

He uses his blindfold as a headband when he wants his hair out of his face. He also uses headbands as... Headbands... When he wants to wear sunglasses but get his hair out of his face

He owns so many pairs of sunglasses but he always wears the same pair

He's only bought a handful of them himself, most of them are gifts

No one knows what to get him for Christmas or his birthday bc he has everything, so they resort to sunglasses

His favorite pair is a pair that Shoko and Geto bought him as a gag. He thought they were dead serious, though, so he wore them around for a month

They were heart-shaped, rose-tinted glasses

Can you believe this man doesn't use any gel or anything to keep his hair spiky with the blindfold on? It just naturally defies gravity when the blindfold is on

Tell this man he's pretty because he already knows. He's narcissistic but not the cringy kind

Photogenic as hell. Takes great pictures from any angle. 

He gives everyone a different story as to why he covers his eyes. Sometimes he says it's because his eyes are too pretty and are a distraction. Sometimes he says it's because the sunglasses/bandages/blindfold look cooler than his eyes. Sometimes he says it's to protect the six eyes from seeing things he doesn't want to see. The world may never know

He's tried covering his whole face before, but he thinks he's too pretty for that. He at least wants one of his many amazing features to be shown at all times.

So about his driver's license;

He knows how to drive. He can be a good driver. When he wants to be. He just doesn't have a driver's license.

Now he TELLS people he just never got around to getting one, however, there's a rumor he lost it due to too many parking tickets

It's amazing the only tickets he's ever gotten have been from that and once he got caught without a seatbelt; he would have gotten out of that one if he hadn't been flirting with the police officer so bad

This doesn't stop Gojo from driving places though

He steals Ijichi's car a LOT and Ijichi DOESN'T KNOW HOW like??? The windows are never broken and it doesn't look hotwired-

Gojo has a key

You're not even supposed to be able to duplicate car keys but Gojo did 

Also; none of the first-year trio knows he doesn't have a driver's license, though that much should be painfully obvious

He whips around corners, speeds up at yellow lights, goes "watch this" and does a donut, it's just a mess

The poor students have to sit in the backseat too. Just imagine Megumi with all three seatbelts around him like that one meme.

He thrives off of Nobara and Yuji screaming from the backseat, and he can see Megumi being smooshed because he thought the middle seat was the safest through the rearview mirror

Which he doesn't even need because of the six eyes

Despite being such a reckless driver, he knows when danger will happen, so he's never once gotten in a wreck

He blasts the radio, which makes up for the driving.

Has a habit of getting in a car and ending up in the McDonalds drive-thru

Steals other people's fries and keeps the fullest one for himself.

He was rebellious as a kid and teenager, but hey, at least his juvie record is sealed 

He's been detained and in the back of a cop car many times, but the reason was never really bad enough for him to be arrested. Mostly he's just being mouthy. And the time he got caught spray painting on the side of a building. And that one time he and Getou hopped the fence to get into the local pool. And that other time-

It got worse after Getou wasn't around to get him out of trouble. Suddenly, breaking the rules wasn't fun anymore and he mellowed out. 

Tried alcohol and cigarettes before he was legal. Decided neither was his thing, however, he did start drinking occasionally when he was legal.

He's a fucking chaotic drunk. Oh my god he's absolutely feral

Most bars in the vicinity know him by name and they sigh whenever he walks in

Shoko is his emergency contact. She hates it

Shoko has to drag drunk Gojo home at least twice a month and is not happy about it

Once she left him in an alley. He made it home okay so she guesses it's fine

Once he got so drunk he spilled beer on his sock. The thought the fastest way to dry them was by sticking them in the microwave. Forgot about it until someone asked, "Who the fuck is cooking socks???"

I feel it important he was in the break room of the local grocery store and no one knows how he got there

As he was escorted out he stole a grocery cart and rode away in it while singing Don't Threaten Me (With A Good Time) by Panic! At The Disco

He has no alcohol tolerance at all what so ever

He will literally just stare at you and giggle

It's funny he's really flirty but also doesn't seal the deal. Literally, every woman in that bar is willing to get in his bed but he declines every offer. No one knows why

Its because he respects women

He helps his students break the rules as long as they're within reason. Once night Yuji was really hungry and after having a temper tantrum he couldn't order Uber eats bc the school is supposed to be secret Gojo helped sneak him out to get food. Who needs curfew anyway.

The shirts in his closet range from like twenty bucks to the iconic rich bitch shirt the kids ruined in that one chapter we all know the one 

He still wears that by the way, he calls it "art" 

When he was younger, Megumi drew a picture of Gojo being eaten by his shadow dogs. Gojo found it and now it's framed in his room.

He keeps up with current trends and memes like no one's business. This is how he bonds with his kids.

Don't call him old, but also, he'll tell you to respect your elders it's a mess

He has a lot of games on his phone. You can usually find him holding his phone sideways playing some RPG game he probably spent too much money on 

He did hop on the Pokemon Go hype train but after becoming overpowered he got bored

This happens to a lot of games. He pays way too much money, gets to be the strongest in the server, and gets bored

He likes games where you can kill other people's troops and likes to watch as they lose all their power

I canon him as being borderline sadistic

This is why he's Sakata Gintoki reincarnated

White hair, sweet tooth, black leather clothes, dad vibes, never takes anything seriously bc when he does he's scary as fuck, the works.

He is Sakata Gintoki

He liked Gintama growing up. He watched a lot of iconic shows as they aired. He considers himself an og

He's hella bilingual

Because he's the strongest he goes overseas for missions a lot. Because of this he speaks a lot of languages and knows a lot about international cuisine 

He takes pictures of himself eating disgusting foods like snails. He never likes them but he loves the idea of Nobara gagging back in japan

Has paperwork sitting untouched on his desk from three months ago that he will not touch for at least another three months

Does the crossword puzzles in the newspaper every week

Uses humor as a coping mechanism and it honestly just became a personality

Constantly popping his joints. I'm sorry if you find this gross I too find it gross.

Probably brought home every stray animal he ever met ever until he was at least like 22 y/o

Tags: @wasabito @kittaliapenn

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 8 - ao3 -

Lan Qiren’s brother did not outwardly react when Wen Ruohan announced what happened.

He merely stared, face as impassive as a stone washed clean by the river, his posture and position impeccable from the little glimpses Lan Qiren kept stealing of him – he was trying to keep his head ducked and his gaze firmly on the ground, trying to demonstrate penitence, but he couldn’t quite resist looking. He assumed that his brother’s seeming indifference was a mask for the rage he undoubtedly felt, seeing his little brother screw up what would have otherwise been a perfect discussion conference for the Lan sect.

It seemed like a reasonable conclusion, given that Lao Nie was taking up all the slack of reacting with rage without any such mask whatsoever.

“He’s little more than a child!” Lao Nie shouted.

“Little more, perhaps,” Wen Ruohan said smoothly. He was enjoying himself, Lan Qiren thought. “But regardless of how close or how far he is, he is adult enough.”

“He can’t marry or inherit –”

“He shed blood in a night-hunt, and that means he can swear oaths, which is all that’s relevant here. It isn’t as if I married him.”

“He’s sixteen! If someone removed sixteen years out of your life, Hanhan, you wouldn’t even notice the absence!”

“True, but irrelevant,” Wen Ruohan said. “And don’t call me that, Sect Leader Nie.”

“I’ll call you whatever I damn well please, you little –”

“You are unharmed?” Lan Qiren’s brother asked Lan Qiren.

Lan Qiren, who’d been spectating the increasingly fraught back and forth between the two sect leaders, turned to look at him, surprised to be addressed.

“I’m fine,” he said quickly. “I only had a headache, and Sect Leader Wen took care of that.”

“You call me da-ge now,” Wen Ruohan reminded him, turning briefly away from his argument to do so. “Your oath, remember.”

“Does he even remember swearing the oaths?” Lao Nie hissed. “You know how these Lan drink – you and your damned need for control! Just because you can’t get it one way, you have to try another, is that it, Hanhan?”

“Sect Leader Nie, if you really find it impossible to be civil -” 

“If you are unharmed, then we can return to the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Qiren’s brother said, ignoring them both. His voice was as distant and cold as a winter breeze, piercing and lifeless; it reminded Lan Qiren a little of his father, and he shivered. “We will determine the remainder at that time.”

“See?” Wen Ruohan said goadingly to Lao Nie, whose scowl only deepened. “If even his own sect doesn’t object to it –”

“They didn’t not object, they’re refraining from making a statement; it’s not the same thing. ‘Even ten years isn’t too late for a gentleman to get revenge’ – !”

“I should like to see them try.”

Lan Qiren felt a sudden sense of relief, heralded by a bright and abrupt clarity: of course Wen Ruohan hadn’t sworn brotherhood with him on his behalf! He’d only done it because he’d seen Lan Qiren together with Lao Nie, found that the sight offended his vision, and immediately decided to disrupt it. Never mind that Lao Nie didn’t have any intentions beyond the casual mentorship of any older cultivator to a junior – Wen Ruohan was well known for his paranoia, his irritability, his tendency to seize on crazy ideas. And, of course, there was his jealousy, a trait to which he had himself admitted…

A treasure sword used to prop up a table, indeed. It wasn’t about Lan Qiren's merits or the Lan sect’s supposed failings at all. The only table Wen Ruohan was concerned with was Lao Nie’s!

(And that certainly did explain the whole bizarre ‘Hanhan’ thing better than any other hypothesis Lan Qiren had come up with.)

Lan Qiren wasn’t sure it was better, exactly, to be a pawn in a strange game between sect leaders, but it was at least more familiar. As a younger son of a politically minded Great Sect, he was more like a daughter; being used for some scheme by the adults around him had always been his destiny, barring some tragedy or especially indulgent parents – the former was unlikely, the latter he lacked – and so his fate was set.

Of course, it would have been better not to be in a game involving Wen Ruohan at all, but he supposed that there were worse options.

After all, if Wen Ruohan’s primary interest was in tormenting Lao Nie, he probably wouldn’t demand Lan Qiren’s presence in the Nightless City all that often – probably just enough to show that he could – and Lan Qiren would be allowed to continue with his plans for his future. It might even turn out to be something of a benefit. After all, a musician with limited martial skills, traveling all alone, could always use strong friends that were nearby, and the Wen sect’s reach far exceeded that of the Lan sect…

Anyway, comparatively, Lan Qiren disliked far more the idea of being stuck in the Jin sect with its inexplicable devotion to worldly affairs (and when it came to Jin Guangshan, word was that that usually meant literal affairs…), and he would have undoubtedly gone utterly mad in the Jiang sect, with its emphasis on freedom and lack of any rules to explain anything. And of course, regrettably, the Nie sect wouldn't have done such a thing to begin with, secretive as they were...

No, it wouldn’t be so bad, Lan Qiren tried to convince himself. It wouldn’t be so bad at all.

The illusion lasted exactly as long as it took for the leaders of the five Great Sects to retreat to finalize their discussions on business – with Sect Leader Jiang and Jin stepping up to keep Sect Leaders Wen and Nie from each other’s throats, even as Lan Qiren’s brother ignored them all – and Lan Qiren returned to his proper place among the other Lan sect disciples.

“Did he really put you in the Fire Palace until you agreed?” one of them asked, then was promptly elbowed by at least three of his fellows – it was poor Lan Yueheng that had asked, naturally; he was extraordinarily good at mathematics and extraordinarily bad at just about everything else, including both tact and following the Lan sect rules. Lan Qiren had gotten on quite well with him in the past, each one happy to have an audience to listen to their rambling without caring too much if the other side was really listening, but Lan Yueheng was Lan Ganhui’s mother’s sister’s son, the two of them raised together like brothers, and in recent years the latter had a habit of restricting the former from spending too much time with Lan Qiren, the favorite subject of his mockery.

“No,” Lan Qiren said stiffly, and turned his face away in sudden upset. He had almost managed to forget that his new sworn brother was reputed to enjoy spending his free time torturing people, enough so that he had an entire prison devoted to it.

The older brother guided, the younger brother obeyed – what was Lan Qiren supposed to learn from Wen Ruohan? How to be cruel and pitiless, how to hurt people, how to increase his cultivation by doing all manner of dirty things?

Even if he didn’t learn such things, wouldn’t people assume it of him anyway?

“But I heard –” Lan Yueheng persisted, then hissed when someone stepped on his foot.

“No,” Lan Qiren said, stronger this time. “Do not speak behind the backs of others, Yueheng-xiong.”

“Oh. Right.”

Someone muttered killjoy under their breath, but that wasn’t exactly new; his brother thought he was one, and he was popular, so others often followed his lead - and anyway, perhaps he was. At any rate, they all stood around in awkward silence for a little while before someone decided to recount one of the incidents in the main event competition once again, their voice a little over-loud in the silence, and a perfectly anodyne conversation about Qingheng-jun’s performance started up in earnest to cover over all the things they did not say.

That, too, was not new.

Truly, life would be easier if everyone would just listen to the rules, Lan Qiren thought wistfully. The nice written-down ones, just those, and never mind about all the unspoken ones, the ones that everyone seemed to intuitively understand except for him – he tried his best to learn those, too, and to extrapolate from one situation to another, but unspoken rules seemed as changeable as a puff of cloud. It was simply impossible.

In the end, the sect leaders finished up their business and each of them took their leave from the Nightless City, just the way that always happened. Before he went, Lao Nie put his hand on Lan Qiren’s shoulder and said, “Write to me if you ever need anything at all,” while glaring at Wen Ruohan, who smirked back; Lan Qiren’s brother did not glance at either of them and merely walked off, his hands behind his back and his posture straight and tall as a tree. The other two Great Sect leaders, Jin and Jiang, exchanged glances of their own and headed off their own way without a word, choosing, quite prudently, not to get involved.

Lan Qiren saluted to Lao Nie and, slightly more hesitantly, to Wen Ruohan, then followed after his brother. To his relief, Wen Ruohan didn’t stop him, only watched him go, his eyes glittering malevolently - his gaze a palpable weight. It wasn’t quite like the first few times they’d met, where the pressure almost felt like the other man was exerting power on him; rather, Lan Qiren suspected, the weight he was feeling was only the weight of all the new expectations that had fallen onto his shoulders as a result of his new brotherhood. 

The ride home was excruciatingly awkward.

It was not a short journey, and Lan Qiren did not speak to his brother once the entire time by mutual unspoken agreement. He might not have noticed such a thing normally, but his brother’s usually cool aura was positively frigid, driving Lan Qiren to silence even when he might have otherwise spoken on mundane matters such as the weather or travel conditions.

Lan Qiren even suspected that if he had dared to try, his brother might have used the muting spell on him.

Naturally, the other disciples followed his brother’s lead – poor Lan Yueheng looked especially torn up over it, and at one point Lan Qiren found a book on abstruse geometry hidden under his pillow in what was probably a well-meaning gesture of solidarity – and Lan Qiren was stuck in that uncomfortable place where he finally had the peace and solitude he often longed for when stuck in a crowd while also simultaneously feeling awful about it, struck with a sudden desire for the company of his family, however cold it might be.

When at last they returned home in the late afternoon, Lan Qiren knew from experience what to do next: he went straight to the hanshi, where his father was waiting for their report, and knelt in penance outside. If the trip had gone well, he would have helped his brother settle the final matters relating to their trip – putting back anything borrowed from the sect’s stores, registering everyone as having arrived with no one lost on the way, that sort of thing – but since it hadn’t, his duties were limited to…well, this.

It was unpleasant, but then, it was supposed to be.

He waited for over a shichen in unmoving silence. The remainder of the sect tiptoed around him, with the disciples that had remained behind sending him sympathetic looks that suggested that they didn’t know exactly what had happened but were burning with curiosity to find out.

It was already dark by the time his brother arrived.

When he did so, he walked right by Lan Qiren without looking and went inside.

There was no written rule against eavesdropping, although there were several unspoken rules about it that were sometimes but not always applicable, but even when (guiltily) straining his ears to the utmost, Lan Qiren could only hear the vaguest murmur of voices within.

It was only after some time – towards the end of his brother’s report, no doubt – that there was a brief uptick, a surprised exclamation (possibly “what?!”, although Lan Qiren’s father was soft-spoken enough that even an exclamation was too muffled to be properly audible), and Lan Qiren braced himself.

After a little longer, the door to the hanshi opened.

“Qiren,” his father’s voice drifted out. “Enter.”

Lan Qiren got up, a little unsteady from all the kneeling, straightened himself out and walked inside, his hands folded behind his back. He would have knelt again, but his father waved for him to keep standing, frowning thoughtfully at him as his brother drank the tea they had been sharing.

“You swore an oath of brotherhood with Sect Leader Wen?” his father asked, his face frustratingly neutral.

Lan Qiren nodded, then amended: “I do not remember doing so. He offered me a toast, and would not allow me to reject it, and then the next morning, he informed me that we had sworn an oath together and showed me the written version of the oath.”

The paper in question was laid out on the table in front of his father. Lan Qiren’s brother had confiscated it after Wen Ruohan had showed it to him, and Lan Qiren hadn’t figured out a way to ask to see it, though he desperately wanted to know whether they had sworn one of the classical brotherhood oaths or if they’d added their own clauses. It seemed like a thing Wen Ruohan would do, yet the idea had only belatedly occurred to Lan Qiren, which meant he hadn’t properly examined the oath while he’d had the chance.

His father hummed thoughtfully.

“There’s no reason to doubt Sect Leader Wen,” Lan Qiren’s brother opined. “He is meticulous in his schemes. Even if there were, the announcement was public; I would not have our clan be known as oath-breakers.”

“Public and unrefuted,” Lan Qiren’s father said, and Lan Qiren blinked because he almost sounded disapproving – but his father never disapproved of anything his brother did, as far as he knew. “Still, you are not wrong. There are few more decisive than Sect Leader Wen. Once he settled on his course, he would not leave such a gap through which one could retreat, not even for himself…Qiren.”

Lan Qiren straightened.

“You were unharmed?”

He blinked at the unexpected question, the same his brother had posed.

“I only had a headache,” he said hesitantly, vaguely aware from the way his father looked at him and his brother did as well that his answer was not what they were expecting. “From the liquor. Nothing else.”

“Did anything else hurt?” his father pressed. “Your body?”

Lan Qiren thought back. “My upper arms,” he said, remembering. He’d thought it was from the uncomfortable bed. “And my right knee. They were a little bruised, I think, but it went away after Sect Leader Wen shared spiritual energy with me.”

His father frowned and twisted his fingers in a gesture; an array opened beneath Lan Qiren’s feet, and the places he had mentioned, as well as his palms and forehead, began to glow.

The marks on his arms, glowing with the pale echoes of Wen Ruohan’s qi, were in the shape of hands.

(Wen Ruohan had commented on Lan Qiren’s enthusiastic telling of the Lan sect rules while intoxicated, to the point of seeking to hold him down as an unwilling audience. Had Wen Ruohan had to physically restrain him from causing trouble as well?)

“The disgrace was minimal, then,” his brother remarked, and when their father said nothing but dismissed the spell Lan Qiren abruptly realized that they were trying to figure out if he had, in fact, been deflowered, just as Wen Ruohan had teasingly hinted that night. He had not shared with anyone that he had woken up in Wen Ruohan’s bed, too mortified to do so, and now that the suggestion had been seriously raised, he was even more determined never to do so. “Not that that will help the rumors.”

Lan Qiren hadn’t thought – surely people wouldn’t think – wouldn’t assume –

Wen Ruohan had no reputation for liking young boys. He wasn’t even known to cut his sleeve!

(Lan Qiren didn’t know what he himself liked. He’d thought he’d have more time to figure it out.)

“We do not guide our sect according to rumors.”

His brother put down his teacup with a little more force than necessary. “Is it the sale or the price that you object to, Father?” he asked, voice far sharper than it should be when speaking to an elder, least of all their father. “See what I have accomplished for our sect, and without even the official authority of being vested as sect leader! It is just as you taught me! Am I to flinch simply because he shares my blood?”

“It is not what is taken,” their father responded, his voice a little sharper than usual as well, but not by much; he might as well have been commenting disapprovingly on an unfortunate turn in the weather. “But that it is Wen Ruohan who takes. His greed knows no boundaries, his recklessness grows by the year – today Qiren is unharmed and your plans may proceed, but what of tomorrow?”

“Have you thought of any better use to put him to? His role is to serve the sect!”

“As a disciple of the Lan sect,” their father said. His tone was still mild, but his voice was icy enough to make Lan Qiren shiver in a confused sort of fear that he did not quite understand. “Not as a plaything for Wen Ruohan.”

By all rights, Lan Qiren’s brother ought to now kneel and beg forgiveness from his elder, his sect leader, his father, but instead he only shook his head. “An oath of brotherhood goes both ways,” he reminded their father, speaking to him as if they were equals. “Sect Leader Wen announced to the world that he swore an oath with a child – does that not also mean that responsibility for his safety and wellbeing falls equally on his shoulders? Any harm to him stains Sect Leader Wen’s name as much if not more than ours.”

“Are we to let outsiders educate our children, then?”

“One cannot compare a foolish younger son to a brother, voluntarily chosen. He chose it, not us; everyone knows this. Any mistakes Qiren makes will fall heavier on his shoulders.”

Their father frowned deeply enough to carve additional lines into his prematurely aged face. “You plan to use Qiren as a lever, then, and extract concessions for every slight.”

His brother shrugged, almost careless in his arrogance. “If Sect Leader Wen chooses to give me such a handle over him, am I meant to refuse? For all his clever schemes, he is also known to be moody and impulsive, easily lured into rashness…I see an opportunity here, not a trap. You chose to give me responsibility early, to have me help you make our sect stronger, greater; that is what I was born to do. You gave me power and I have done well with it, done exactly what you’ve asked me to do. I’ve made you proud - haven’t I?”

“But what of the risk that Wen Ruohan might ignore public opinion and harm Qiren regardless?” his father pressed, not answering. It wasn’t really necessary, of course; he was always proud of Lan Qiren’s brother, no matter what he did - his eldest son was his treasure, the only thing he cared for; it was as fact as undeniable as the direction in which the sun rose each morning. “The Lan sect does not buy riches with blood.”

“I have thought it over, Father,” his brother said quietly. “It is only a risk that he might be harmed, not a guarantee; it’s not as if I am sending Qiren to the Fire Palace myself. And there is the hope here, not of riches, but of glory for the sect –”

“Glory for the sect?” their father asked, voice rich with meaning Lan Qiren did not understand. “Or for yourself?”

“Are they not one and the same?” Lan Qiren’s brother was unmoved. “In the future, it will be mine, and so there is no difference - whatever you say now, that is what you have always shown me. Besides, Qiren will agree.”

Lan Qiren did not take a step backwards when they turned to look at him, though he dearly wanted to. His hands were still behind his back, gripped tight enough to hurt; he suspected when he looked later on he would find blood beneath his fingernails, dug in deep into his flesh.

“Well?” their father asked of him, though his gaze settled somewhere above Lan Qiren’s head as it always seemed to, as different as night and day from the tender and forgiving looks he gave his eldest son even in the midst of their argument. His voice was so cold that Lan Qiren could feel it against his skin like the bitter winter wind. “What do you say?”

Is it the sale or the price that you object to?

It’s not what is taken, but that it is Wen Ruohan who takes.

Have you thought of any better use to put him to?

His role is to serve the sect.

“I do not see what choice there is,” he said dully, his eyes focused on his father’s face just as his father’s refused to focus on his, foolishly still looking for the affection he knew he would likely never find. In his father’s mind, he had only one son – even his objections on Lan Qiren’s behalf, however mild, were nothing more than what he would have said on behalf of any Lan sect disciple. Even Lan Qiren, foolish and bad at people as he was, could see that his father’s primary concern over the approach his brother had suggested was its potential impact on the reputation of his brother and his sect. “I swore an oath. Even if I do not remember it, as a matter of personal honor, I will not allow myself to be foresworn.”

“There,” his brother said, his voice rich in satisfaction. “You see? The choice is made. It is only what we do with it now that matters.”

Lan Qiren bit his lower lip to keep himself from doing something stupid, like asking do either of you care about me at all.

“Very well,” their father said indifferently. “Then it will be as you say. Qiren.”

“Father.”

“You will spend the night kneeling in the ancestral hall to consider the consequences of violating the prohibition against alcohol and the injunction to maintain your discipline. In view of the circumstances, no other punishment will be imposed.”

“Thank you, Father.”

“Dismissed.”

As Lan Qiren left, he heard his father ask his brother to tell him about the riding competition.

He did not ask about music.

[woulddieforperrytheplatypus]

I've been rewatching all the Loki content to get ready for the new show and I have thought of A Phineas and Ferb AU™ for your viewing pleasure (and if anyone wants to turn any part of this into an actual fanfic I would owe you my life)

this post was brought to you in partnership with @dumbausfromdanville

You know how the first Thor movie ends with Loki yeeting himself off the Bifrost and falling to earth? What if, instead of going after the Tesseract, he falls straight to the Tri-State area?

Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all seemed to be on vacation, right? So Thor presumably took place during the summer — say, perhaps, ending on June 3? So he falls right onto Phineas and Ferb's rollercoaster just before it goes down that ♫ three-mile drop straight down ♪. He has no idea wtf is happening so it's not like he gets the chance to sit down and put on a seatbelt, so he's stuck holding on for dear life for the entire rollercoaster ride which Phineas and Ferb find weird but they're not really concerned bc they're chill lil dudes and tbh this isn't too far off a normal day for them.

Phineas and Loki strike up a none-too-pleasant conversation (not that Phineas notices Loki's bad mood; he's too Him to realize not everyone is rainbows and sunshine all day, every day), and our favorite lil disoriented demigod has to figure out where the fuck he is now ("You there. What realm is this?" "Danville 🙂" "Wut da fuk?") and what the fuck he's supposed to do now that he's here.

Phineas ends up inviting him to hang out for the afternoon, and Loki is about to turn him down but then he smells the pie. He's never had doonkleberry pie before so obviously he has to try it. Then, when Loki's no longer hangry, they can hold an actual conversation. It's lowkey more Loki wallowing in his own self-pity than anything else, but Ferb recognizes Asgard when Loki mentions it so he and Phineas piece together that he's a god pretty quickly.

More importantly, though, they figure out that he's completely alone, and because Loki never mentions trying to, you know, murder his brother and lowkey overthrow the monarchy, they just kinda assume Loki's family sucks (Ferb is completely prepared to start the anti-Thor club but Phineas stops him because he doesn't want his brother to get struck by lightning) and adopt him (without his consent, but it's not like he has anywhere else to be -- and he did like that pie).

Loki has no desire to build anything with the boys He thinks the idea of a backyard beach they make the next morning is stupid — even more stupid than a regular beach, and that's saying something. But over time, he gets more involved -- not just with the boys, but with the entire family. He helps the boys build their inventions. He talks about human history with Lawrence and corrects much of his knowledge on mythology. He lets Linda teach him how to bake seriously, her pies are so good. He even suffers through Candace's mall trips as long as he gets to go to that fro-yo place on the second floor (though he draws the line at any conversation involving romance).

He's still a little skeptical of the platypus (and he feels like the platypus is a little skeptical of him, too) but Phineas insists that he's "just a platypus" and he "doesn't do much." Loki doesn't realize that Perry's keeping an eye on him for OWCA, nor does he know that Monogram has absolutely no idea what to make of the dude so he hasn't actually told any of his superiors about him. As far as the government is concerned, after the fiasco in New Mexico, Loki just disappeared.

This makes it fucking hilarious when the boys accidentally steal the superheroes' powers in Mission: Marvel and the superheroes show up at the Flynn-Fletchers' front door only to see fucking Loki. Loki just shuts the door in their faces without a word because what the fuck?, but eventually Phineas and Ferb go check the door and they agree to help the heroes (much to Loki's chagrin), which, of course, isn't complete with Candace fangirling over them (also much to Loki's chagrin; she never fangirled over him). At first the Avengers are fully convinced that Loki is responsible for stealing their powers, and Loki never actually denies it because he's a little shit but Phineas, Ferb, and their friends are very insistent that Loki didn't do anything (except a little bit of manual labor putting together the satellites because they're 10 and he's a whole-ass demigod).

At some point, Thor and Loki have a very heated discussion about the events of Thor, and it's pretty much all news to the Flynn-Fletchers and their friends. They're not really sure what to make of it so they basically glue their mouths shut and watch it all play out. I'd like to think it goes something like it does in The Avengers and that a) Thor is pissed because what the fuck have you been up to Loki you fucking dumbass, b) Thor has been in mourning since Loki yeeted himself into the abyss and he wants to make sure the guy knows it, and c) Loki does not take it seriously at all he's being antagonistic the entire time because he is so sick of Mr. High-And-Mighty's shit. In the end, Loki storms out of the SHEDquarters and Phineas doesn't even think to try to stop him until he's halfway out the door and it's too late.

He shows up again when Phineas, Ferb, and the Avengers try to fight the bad guys in the mall with the wrong powers and he basically singlehandedly saves their asses until superhero Perry shows up. As everyone's favorite shapeshifter, he has absolutely no problem figuring out that this beaver duck dude is the Flynn-Fletchers' platypus. He has no idea what to do with that information, but it sure is information that he now has apparently. (At this point, poor Loki has a very warped sense of what earth is supposed to be like lmao).

Phineas tries to get Loki to come back with them after superhero Perry grabs them and carries them home. Instead, Loki cuts himself loose and falls like 30 feet straight down (and tbh after falling from the Bifrost, that's nothing to him) and peaces the fuck out.

Loki ends up accidentally bonding with Candace and Isabella over feeling useless and unwanted (and he absolutely gets his own verse in Only Trying to Help because it's what he deserves), but unlike the two girls who are hell-bent on changing that, Loki is content wallowing in his own self-pity. He's tried this whole "being important" thing before and he ended up in self-exile for it. He's not putting himself through it again because he really doesn't expect it to end well. But then the powerless heroes decide to face the villains again, and with Candace and Isabella in space and Perry nowhere to be seen, he realizes it is once again up to him to keep the tri-state area safe (which he knows is a stupid priority but he's gotten kind of attached to these stupid little humans and he wants to keep them safe).

Then the heroes get their powers back and they join Loki (and Perry and the mysterious waffle gun in the sky) and beat the shit out of the villains. Thor and Loki work together in the heat of the battle which serves as a Great Bonding Moment™, and once the villains are gone, they have a nice lil heart-to-heart where they both apologize for their past. Thor remarks that Loki seems to have grown a lot over the last couple of months and tries to bring Loki home with him, but Loki refuses. He'll never be welcome back into Asgard, no matter what Thor may say.

But he is welcome with the Flynn-Fletchers, who are completely over the fact that he tried to ruin Thor's life and take his not-so-rightful place on the throne (except Candace who's very skeptical about having him back but it's not like Linda will believe her if she tries to tell her what Thor and Loki talked about so her opinion is unfortunately as irrelevant as it usually is on the show).

And early the next morning, before anyone else is awake, Perry gets an alert that he's needed in his headquarters (presumably to talk to or about Fury). He quietly sneaks off, only to find Loki waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him. They have a very nice "conversation" (not that Perry speaks) about the superhero Ducky Momo they saw the day before, and Loki assures him that his secret is safe, thus starting a much-needed bromance between Loki and Perry because it's what my babies, goddammit!

Anyways yeah if anyone wants to write a fanfic about Loki hanging out with Phineas and Ferb during his self-exile I would give you a socially distant high-five because I want to read it but I have too many other fanfics on my plate to start this one for at least a few months. It doesn't have to follow this prompt literally at all (I swear I wasn't trying to get this in-depth with it but this is what I do apparently) or it can follow this prompt exactly idc i just want a PnF/Loki fanfic 🥺