#and i just want to kill my inquisitor for the drama i have no emotional attachment to them and i want them to be made into a literal martyr

[amatres]

honestly wish dragon age 2 and inquisition gave options to have our player characters die at the end i love drama and tragedy and narratives that eat their protagonists by the end

[nirikeehan]

Happy Friday!!! I'm sure you can writing some soul killing angst 🤣 "Taking the blame" - Thalia/Blackwall

I sure did! I added Cullen/Thalia to the mix and a tiny bit of Cassandra, too. A direct continuation of this trainwreck that I started last week. Love triangle drama!

IDK if I stuck the landing on this one, but oh well, I got Cullen to punch Blackwall and that's the important thing.

For @dadrunkwriting and @badthingshappenbingo

WC: 1853

Series: Dragon Age: Inquisition

---

She sits alone in the war room, watching the slanted sunlight creep across the floor. 

“Inquisitor?” Cullen’s voice, from the hall. 

Thalia starts, thinks absurdly of hiding under the table, but the heavy wooden door swings open and the Commander pokes his head through. He spots her immediately, slips in through the narrow space. “There you are. Josephine’s been trying to locate you all afternoon. We’ve no meeting today, but there’s a number of reports that need your…” 

He trails off, getting a good look at her face. His brow creases. “Are you all right?” 

She must look a fright. The skin around her eyes feels hot and puffy. Her eyes itch from crying. Her red hair is gathered low at the nape of her neck, a poor show for someone of her calibre, but this morning her wrist throbbed when she tried to do one of her usual elaborate plaits. She swallows and averts her gaze. “I’m fine.” 

Cullen wavers in the doorway. His hand moves to the hilt of his sword, as if he could use it to slash at her emotional distress. “I’ll tell her it can wait.” 

“Good. Thanks.” Her voice is faint. Her head pounds with humiliation.

The door closes. She waits to hear the heavy tread of his boots recede. Instead, they move toward her. She looks up; he’s pulling out a chair, sitting beside her. Her chest tightens. He’s so handsome in the soft glow of the afternoon light, hazel eyes soft with concern, that it’s difficult to look at him.

“Would you like to talk about it?” he asks quietly. 

“Not really.” She stares at the map spread across the table before them. So many tokens laid across the map, each representing obstacles she had tried her best to overcome. “I’m just wondering where I went wrong.” 

“With what?” he asks, though she suspects he knows. She’d spied him in the crowd at the judgment, way in the back, wearing a grim expression. 

“Thom Rainier.” The name scalds her tongue.

Cullen’s face hardens. “You showed him great mercy. If he cannot handle it, that’s his problem.” 

Thalia snorts. Leave it to Cullen to have such a straightforward view. “Did he have a point, I wonder?”

“About?” 

“He called me corrupt. A criminal. Just like him.” 

Cullen narrows his eyes. “Thalia, with all due respect— I don’t think you ought to pay such prattle any mind. He was goading you. Trying to drag you down to his level. That’s how men like Rainier operate.”

“Men like Rainier.” Everything about the distinction feels foreign. 

“Bruisers. Thugs. Men who’ll do anything if the price is right.” 

He’s not like that at all, she wants to say, chest tight. He’s noble and good, I know he is, I just don’t understand why he’s so intent upon proving otherwise.

“Do you think I did the right thing, freeing him?” Thalia asks quietly. 

“That’s not for me to say.” Cullen’s response is immediate, voice resolute. She forgets, sometimes, how much of his life he has spent answering to others.

“It is, though.” Thalia shifts in her seat, fixing him with a stern look. “You’re one of my top advisors. I take input from you every day.” 

“I think…” He pauses, eyes skittering across the wide, worn map. “I think nothing was going to stop you from giving him another chance, whether he deserves it or not.” Cullen locks his gaze on hers, fierce and electric. “What Rainier chooses to do with it now is up to him.” 

Thalia’s heart thumps. She feels self-conscious, this close to him, alone. Something between them has been intensifying since that terrible night in Val Royeaux. She’d opened the door in the jail and there he stood, ready to fix this, whatever the cost. He rode all night. Left as soon as he heard, Josephine told her later, Thalia’s mouth open in a tiny o of surprise. 

“Thank you, Cullen.” The gratitude wells in her. He’s been here all along, unwavering, despite fighting demons of his own. She smiles, painful at it is against her chapped lips. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

He clears his throat. Is the color rising in his cheeks? “You’re the Inquisitor. You’d be fine, I expect.” 

She shakes her head. “No, I’m serious. I don’t think I’d’ve got this far if I didn’t have you. Your support. I just… I wanted to thank you.” Maker, now she’s blushing. The war room has gone terribly hot. 

He reaches over and takes her hand. Stunned, Thalia stares, then slowly lets her fingers thread through his. He wears soft, downy gloves, and she wishes he might remove them, so that she would feel his skin on hers. 

She twinges her wrist, and pain reverberates up her arm. She winces. 

“What?” Alarmed, Cullen loosens his grip. “I’m sorry, did I—?” 

“No, no, it’s nothing,” Thalia says. “Don’t worry about it.” 

But he’s watching her with careful eyes, measuring the way she’s holding her arm. He’s a warrior, no stranger to injury. He leans forward and gently slides up the sleeve of her cobalt blue tunic, revealing beneath the ring of grey bruises. He studies them, turning her hand over to get a better look. 

“Did he do this?” Cullen asks in a low voice, devoid of tenderness.

Thalia shivers and pulls away. “Cullen…” 

“Did he do this?” Urgent now, sharp and dangerous. 

Thalia presses her lips together, swallows the affirmative. Cullen’s face changes from open and expressive to the visage she spied on the night Haven fell, and at the battle for Adamant. The corner of his lip by his scar twitches. All at once he’s on his feet, he’s storming away, to the heavy wooden door and out into the corridor. 

“Cullen. Cullen, wait!” Thalia dashes after him, panic seizing her. 

She doesn’t know what he’ll do, but she feels the promise of it welling around her, threatening to shatter the brittle peace that has gripped Skyhold. By the hole in the stone hallway, she grabs his elbow. “It was me. It’s my fault. I tried— I was so angry, and I tried to strike him—”

Cullen whirls on her. “And so that justifies hurting you? A man three times your size?” He shakes his head, lets out a wry laugh. “There are a dozen ways he could have deflected a blow without leaving bruises, Thalia.” 

He sidesteps her grip, as if to prove his point, and keeps walking. His strides are long and sure, and she’s left scrambling to keep up. “Cullen, please. You don’t understand.” 

“Oh, I understand perfectly.” 

The door to Josephine’s office lies open, and mercifully she is not present. In the light cast from the fireplace, Thalia again reaches for his arm. “Cullen, please, where are you going?” She fears she already knows, and that she won’t be able to stop him. 

“I need to have a word with Rainier.” 

She shakes her head frantically. “Please don’t. Please. You’re just going to make it worse.”

“How can it be worse?” He takes her gently by the shoulders, bends down slightly to look her in the face. “Listen to me, Thalia. None of this is your fault.” She sees every facet of his hazel eyes; this close, they look flecked with gold. “You have done nothing but give that man grace, and all he’s done is spit it back at you. That ends now.” 

Cullen releases her, leaving the impression of warmth on her skin. He strides out into the Main Hall, and Thalia follows him. There’s no other way. If she thought she could run down a secret stairwell and beat him outside, she would, but there’s no time. 

Everyone sees: the visiting dignitaries, the soldiers on watch, the servants and the refugees looking for a meal, Varric snug in his seat at his writing table, watching over the top of the manuscript he’s proofreading. Vivienne stands at the balcony above, one hand curling on the balustrade. They all see the Commander marching through the hall, face stony with determination, and the Inquisitor running shortly behind in a panic. 

The cold outside air hits them. Cullen does not even slow. Down the stairs, past the landing, deftly dodging a masked Orlesian admiring the view. Thalia is right behind him, eyes darting about, praying she might spot Blackwall first. She could run to the barn and warn him — and then what?

Cullen reaches the grass of the upper courtyard. When the Commander arrives, people stop what they are doing and stand to attention. He’s been counting on this, it’s clear. He searches the crowd, looking into the eyes of soldiers and citizens alike. He raises his voice, projects with authority. “Have any of you seen Thom Rainier?”

“Er, he went into the tavern a little while ago, Commander,” says Scout Harding, from her usual resting spot near its entrance. Her green-eyed gaze travels from Cullen to Thalia, and the pleasant expression freezes on her face. Her brows furrow, as if aware she may have made a mistake, but not sure why. By the training dummies, Cassandra and the Iron Bull abandon their battle stances, straighten, and stare. 

“Cullen,” Thalia tries once more. “Please. Leave it alone.” 

He turns to her, and she thinks that perhaps she’s finally gotten through to him. 

The door to Herald’s Rest opens, and Blackwall steps out, head ducked to clear the low threshold. Cullen steps forward, jaw set. “Hey, Rainier.” 

Blackwall looks up, and Cullen punches him in the mouth. 

Thalia gasps. Blackwall’s head snaps back. He rocks on his heels from the blow, recovers, and faces front, strands of hair knocked loose into his face. Blood drips from his lower lip as he fixes Cullen a look of icy hatred. The courtyard is silent.

“Touch her again,” Cullen says, “and I’ll drag you back down to the dungeons myself. Is that understood?” 

Blackwall turns his head and spits blood-tinged saliva into the grass. He straightens, eyes narrowed. “Yes, ser.” His voice is steely, unyielding. 

“Good.” Cullen turns on his heels and walks away. 

Blackwall wipes his mouth with the back of his gauntlet, squares his shoulders, and returns to the tavern. 

The people frozen in the courtyard begin to thaw. Heart thudding, Thalia tries to rush forward, but someone grabs her arm. Cassandra is by her side, a grim expression on her face. “I wouldn’t.”

“But—” Thalia shakes herself away. “I’ve got to talk to him.”

“Who?” Cassandra arches a brow.

“Blackwall. Cullen.” Thalia huffs. “Both of them.”

“Inquisitor,” Cassandra says, exasperated, “were you never taught not to kick a hornet’s nest?”

Thalia swallows hard. “Cullen, he… he shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, he should not have.” Cassandra fixes her with a shrewd eye. “But I have never known him to act without cause.” 

Thalia chews her lip.

“You ought to go get some rest, Inquisitor.” Cassandra’s gaze travels over the courtyard, at the spectators awaiting any sign of an encore. She angles Thalia toward the respite of the keep. “It has been a trying few weeks for us all.” 

[thelordofdarkreunion]

Hidden Secrets

I am finally back!  Sorry for the long delay without stories, but my life’s been rather hectic lately.  I have hopefully compensated with a very interesting storyline I’ve wanted to write for a while now.  Everyone has their secrets, and sometimes if they are revealed, things can come to a head...

“They say the only way to actually understand people is to see things through their eyes.  It won’t matter if they’re dead, though.”  -Thomas Drake

“What’s so wrong with loving an alien?  What is so wrong with loving someone, caring for them, being with them forever, so long as both parties are sentient?  Is it really such a bad thing?”  -Admiral Adam Vir, in a speech to the Galactic Assembly on xenophilia

“In all my travels to thousands of worlds, I have actually never met a xenophiliac.  I have, in fact, seen more Chaos cultists than xenophiles.  However, I can tell you this.  Xenophilia is a crime of unimaginable proportions.  It is almost as bad as selling your soul to the Dark Gods themselves.  It is something that no one, of any species, save perhaps the most absolute perverse of the Drukhari would even think of.  Even then, said Drukhari would most likely be spurned by their fellows.  It is a crime of such monstrosity that death is far too fair a fate for its perpetrators.”  -Inquisitor Amberly Vail of the Ordo Xenos

Aboard the Omen

Three figures sat around a table.  All were relaxed, slightly slouching in their seats.  The lights were not the uncomfortable brightness of the medical bays or halls, nor the dim-lit spaces of the engine rooms or hidden maintenance gantries.  It was a comfortable, cozy light, illuminating the fake wood of the table and the three that sat around it.  

“How the hell did we get on this topic of conversation?” asked Admiral Vir, his face swirling a myriad of colors: the green of his eyes, blond of his hair, black of his eyepatch, and currently, red of his face.  

“I’m not precisely sure,” drawled Commander Shepard, “But I believe it has something to do with our good comrade Quill over there complementing extra-terrestrial hips.”  

“Hey!  There is nothing wrong with pointing out that your chief engineer, despite wearing a face mask and enviro-suit all the time, is pretty hot.  Perfect, well-rounded figure,” replied Quill, grinning and adjusting his long, red-brown greatcoat.  “Though, it’s just an observation.  I’m already taken.  By an alien with just as good, if not better, hips.”  Vir buried his face in his hands, and Shepard just sighed.  “What I don’t get, though,” he continued, “Is why the hell Vir here is attracted to Sunny?  Listen, Gamora and Tali are hot.  They have ass.”  At this, Shepard groaned loudly and joined Vir with his head in his hands.  “I don’t get why you’re attracted to an eight foot tall, four armed, beaked, carapaced alien.  Unless you’re into some pretty… interesting… things.”  Vir looked over to Shepard.

“This is how this conversation’s going to go, isn’t it?” he said.  Shepard simply nodded.  

“Yeah,” he replied.  

“I mean, no judgement if you are,” continued Quill.  “I’ve done it with aliens a lot weirder than Drev.  If you’re into that sort of thing… whatever thing a Drev is, that’s fine.”  Vir simply sighed again.

“Jesus, Quill.”  He looked around, staring at the ceiling for a moment before turning back to his companions.  “Alright.  Fine.”  He cracked his neck.  “You know what?  You want me to ‘fess up, I will.  I…”  He trailed off for a moment, working his jaw and wringing his hands before letting out a breath.  “I… like…”  He noticed the expectant looks of the other two at the table.  “Okay, fine, love… Sunny.”  He threw up his hands, face an even deeper shade of red, if at all possible.  “There.  Said it.  Please kill me.”  

“Well.  No offense Adam, but I wasn’t expecting you to start off with that,” replied Shepard.  

“Neither did I,” murmured Adam.  He looked over to Quill once more.  “It’s not that I like Drev.  It’s just that I like… her.  I…  She… Well…”

“C’mon Adam.  Spit it out.”  Vir sighed again.

“I love her.  No matter who or what she may be.  Not because she’s an alien.  Everything about her being… her.  If that makes sense,” he finished lamely.  Shepard and Quill, though, both nodded along sagely.  

“Yeah.  It does,” replied Shepard quietly.  “I… feel the same way.  In a way.”  He laughed.  “I guess tonight none of us are going to have a way with words.”  He let out a large sigh, and his eyes went distant, seeing things that existed a thousand miles away.  “I… think I do love Tali.  I think I do… but I haven’t even told her.”  He gave another laugh, this one much more bitter.  “I’m telling this all to you, but I haven’t even told her.  I… just… I don’t want to hurt her.”  He looked at his own scarred hands miserably.  “I’m a Spectre, and I’m running the most dangerous mission in the galaxy, on an unauthorized ship, and I just… don’t want anyone to hurt her.  And I don’t want to hurt her.  So I haven’t said anything,” he finished.  

“Yeah,” replied Quill, much more soberly than his teasing before.  “I know how you both feel.  I was a bit of a playboy for a while,” he grinned.  His expression became serious once more.  “But, after I met Gamora, and… was in a world without her, for a bit, I finally understood.  What it meant.  To actually love someone.”  He gave his cocky smile once again.  “Despite, you know, her being a super-assassin who can and has kicked my ass on multiple occasions.”  Both Vir and Shepard laughed.  

“You know, it’s funny how just talking can make you see things differently.  Make the world seem better,” said Shepard.  He grinned at Vir.  “Thanks for inviting us over.”  Vir looked at him strangely, frowning.  

“What do you mean?  You invited us.  You said you wanted to talk, and talk on my ship.”  Shepard responded with an equally puzzled expression.  

“No, I didn’t,” he insisted.  “You invited us here.”  Quill nodded in conformation.  

“Yeah.  You invited us.”  

“No I didn’t!” shot back Vir.  

“Well if you didn’t, who did?” asked Shepard.  Their argument was broken by a new voice, filled with righteous hate and vengeance, as cold as an ice-world blizzard.  

“I did.”  Quill, Vir, and Shepard started.  They hadn’t even heard the door open.  The imposing figure of Commissar Ciaphas Cain, clad in his heavy black greatcoat, boots, and cap, swirled through the door, holding his laspistol at the ready.  Vir, being the one in most contact with Cain (Cain was stationed aboard his ship, after all), had heard stories from the Valhallan infantry about Imperial commissars.  They had all said how lucky they’d been to have Cain, as many commissars were hate-filled, imposing men and women who ruled through sheer terror.  Vir had laughed it off.  Cain was calm.  Cain was understanding.  Cain was always one to look for a solution to any problems, and prevent people from fighting.  Even when they had first met, when the Imperials, so unused to aliens, had tried to pick fights with the Omen’s crew, Cain had calmed things down.  He was the perfect officer.  

But now, Vir remembered the Valhallans’ stories.  Cain fit the description of a commissar perfectly now.  His massive height, the dark uniform, the eyes blazing with a hate that was so un-Cain like and outstretched laspistol made him a figure of nightmares from a totalitarian and xenophobic government.  Xenophobic…  Shit!  Apparently, all three men sitting at the table had the same idea at once, and made a motion to rise.  Cain tightened his grip on the laspistol, and flicked it clearly at each one of them in turn.  

“Ah, un uh.  Sit back down,” he hissed.  “Hands on the table.”  The three complied, lowering themselves back into their seats slowly.  Cain kept the gun pointed at them.  

“Cain?” asked Shepard hesitantly.  “What’s this about?”  

“I’m no fool,” replied Cain, “Though I think you believe me one.”  His gloved fingers tightened on the laspistol grip.  There was a brief pause as Cain glared at the three.

What made both Shepard and Vir such good commanding officers was their ability to read people.  They were experts at knowing what people were thinking, and how to react accordingly.  What shocked them both was the expression of pure betrayal behind Cain’s cold eyes.  That was an emotion neither of them expected.  

“I’d heard rumors, of course.  Some tabloid drama, accusing humanity's greatest heroes of xenophilia, of all things.”  Cain scoffed.  “Disgusting, I thought.  How dare they slander you so!”  Cain’s voice dropped from anger to pure fury.  “But then,” he hissed, “Then I heard more official reports.  I heard your speeches.  I saw pictures.  I heard rumors not from some disgusting two-bit reporter, but from your own crews.  I am not blind, though you might think me so.  And this?”  He waved his pistol around the room.  “You were humanity’s best.”  His voice dropped into a whisper, resonating with hurt and betrayal.  “I gave you a chance.  I thought it could not be so.  I thought that even though you served with aliens, they were subservient to you.  To humanity.  But now I have proof.  Proof of your degeneracy.  From your own mouths.  You confessed.  I gave you a chance to say otherwise, a second chance, but you… scum,” he finished, too angry for words.  He noticed their glances at the door and gave out a dark laugh.  “Oh, no.  There’s no one here to save you, traitors.  I made sure of it.”  

“So what now?” asked Shepard calmly, breaking the tension.  

“Now?” replied Cain, laspistol still pointed at the three.  “Now I kill you, as is my duty.  I lock this door, and pretend there is some urgent conference I need you for.  I tell Kasteen and Brocklaw to have Simone set a course to Watch Fortress Novus Galactica, and there the Inquisition will purge this ship, then return for the others.  There is no escape.”  Vir stood up, hands raised, fury on his face.  

“If I’m going to die I’m going to get my say.  I never did enough of that in life,” he said with a bitter laugh.  He fixed Cain with an equally furious stare, looking at the double-headed golden eagles on Cain’s cap and lapels.  Those eagles.  Those god-damned eagles.  “I’ve had enough of people like you.  I’ve had enough of trying to explain myself.  I’m not some sick fuck.  I’m not a degenerate.  I love an alien for who she is, not what she is.  And if you kill me, then you kill me,” he spat.  Cain smirked.

“So be it.”  He was interrupted by a sound.  A metallic click-click.  A sound known by every member in the room.  A sound known to almost every human and alien in existence.  A sound known by all who ever watched human movies, or fought human armies.  A sound that first came into existence in 1835 and was repeated every day, somewhere in human territory across nine galaxies ever since.  The sound of a revolver hammer being cocked.  

“Put the gun down, Commissar.”  The voice of Thomas Drake was smooth.  Unemotional, and uncaring at the drama unfolding in front of him.  His matt-black revolver, held by his dark gloves, was pointed at Cain’s head.  He was at a perfect distance, where Cain could not turn on him before being gunned down.  Vir still stood, Shepard and Quill both seated, their hands still up or on the table.  The only movement Cain made was to clench his jaw and extend his pistol arm farther.  

“Drake,” hissed Cain.  “I should have known.  You knew all their secrets.  You hid this from us!”  

“Of course,” replied Drake.  “Their actions are their own, though, and their secrets were not mine to give out.”  Cain’s hand squeezed the pistol grip even tighter, his augmetic fingers balancing it through his rage.

“I can still kill them, Drake.  I suggest you put your gun down before that happens,” he suggested, his voice tight.  Drake laughed.  

“Yes.  One.  Before I kill you.  One squeeze of the trigger I can’t prevent.  I can prevent two, though.  But you won’t.”  Drake’s voice was delighted, smiling wryly at a secret only he possessed.  “You won’t because I know you won’t.  You won’t because I know your secrets.  I read your book!  Your autobiography!” he announced with malicious triumph.  “I know how your mind works, and I know that you don’t want to die on this ship, or anywhere else, especially for the life of one measly heretic.  So you put your gun down, Commissar.”  Cain struggled for a moment, his muscles clenching and unclenching, before he finally gave a disgusted snort and tossed his laspistol on the table.  Vir, Quill, and Shepard let out breaths they didn’t know they were holding.  

“So then,” sneered Cain.  “What now, oh Captain Drake?  You have already proven you won’t kill me, and they cannot be allowed to live,” he said.  Drake merely smiled.  

“Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘To understand someone you must see the world through their eyes’?” he asked.  The other four occupants of the room nodded, unsure of where this was going.  “Well, that’s precisely what’s going to happen.  Let’s see if you’ll kill each other when you know precisely how you each operate.”  He gave a dark grin and gestured with his pistol at Vir, Shepard, and Quill.  “Now.  You three.  Put your weapons on the table,” he ordered.  The three stared at him in shock.  

“But… why?” replied Quill.  “You saved us,” he said, as if that explained his reasoning.  Drake simply laughed again.

“I like to be the only one in a room holding a weapon.  Especially in a situation as intense as this.  Now.  Guns on the table.  Vir, you aren’t carrying a weapon.  Shameful,” he drawled.  “Your pistols, Quill, and the knives I know you have in your sleeve and boot.  Your sidearm, Shepard.”  The three complied, Drake’s revolver now pointed at them as Cain scowled at the situation.  “Wonderful,” said Drake.  He took a step back, walking through the doorway, and gestured at the four men to follow him.  They complied grudgingly, still shooting death glares at each other.  Drake put a hand to the communications device in his left ear, not moving his gun arm an inch.  “Beam us up, Scotty,” he said simply.  With a whir and flash, the five disappeared from the Omen, only to suddenly see the hallways of the Enterprise around them.

“So.  Kirk and the Starfleet officers are in on this as well.  Why I am not surprised,” stated Cain, looking at his surroundings with grudging simplicity.  

“Maybe.  Maybe not,” replied Drake.  He lowered his pistol, finger coming off the trigger.  “No one’s here, either.  No help from the crew here.”  He tilted his head to a large grey door.  “In that room.”  Looking warily at his gun, trying and thinking how to take it from him all the while, the four followed Drake’s command.  The room was an empty expanse of darkness.  None of them could tell its purpose or how big it truly was.  

“What is this place?” asked Quill.  

“It's called a ‘holodeck’,” replied Drake.  “It is a room that is, essentially, a massive virtual reality.  It’s usually used for some sort of training simulation programs, but this time, I’ve made sure it can read memories.  Oh yeah,” he grinned.  “It can do that.  And that is what’s going to happen.  We are going to delve inside each of our minds, and see what makes us all tick.  Maybe if you see someone else’s entire life laid out in front of them from their point of view you’ll be less likely to kill them.”  Drake took in their apprehensive glances.  “Oh yes.  I know.  All of us have secrets.  And I’m sure none of you really trust this.  That’s why I’ll go first.  Let us begin.”

There we have it.  Cain can tolerate a lot of things, including working with aliens, but absolutely not romancing aliens.  I shall continue this story line, with all of these characters giving their own horrible memories.  As always, I own no one except Drake, and all characters belong to their original rightful owners.  If you have any criticisms, comments, concerns, questions, or requests, feel free to tell me!  

[beelzebard]

My ask from @a-drama-addict got sent to the fucking shadow realm but he asked for 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, 21, and 41! Thank you btw!!

1. How did you get into Dragon Age?

I had gotten into it from playing the Dragon Age RPG, which is probably the most unusual introduction to the series. A few months later I bought Inquisition and loved it, so I bought Origins and 2 not long after finishing it.

4. What was your first Warden (gender/class/race/personality)?

My first warden was a Tabris. He was a rogue, and very passionate in his emotions. Killed a lot of people just cause they pissed him off. He got with Zevran, because in this house we love Zevran.

5. What was your first Hawke like (gender/class/temperament)?

My first Hawke was a mage, and he was very diplomatic. He was too nice for his own good. He got with Anders, mainly because I didnt realize how easily Anders can fall in love with you.

6. First Inquisitor (gender/class/race/personality)?

My first Inquisitor was a Lavellan and a mage. He was also pretty nice to people except when people tried to talk Andraste to him. He got with Solas because I saw how much he loved talking about the Fade and installed a mod so I could romance the "history nerd". I still think about how I theorized he was an ancient elf in my first playthrough and my poor friend who got me into it had to sit there and not say anything to me.

8. Preferred class overall?

Rogues. Mages are a close second but I just really like to stab things.

21. Did Hawke side with the Mages or Templars?

Atlas sided with the mages. They're a mage, and they like their freedom, so of course they want other mages to have it.

41. Who did you romance in your first playthrough for each game?

I romanced Zevran in Origins. Yeah he tried to kill me but I love his vibes. Also his voice made me go 👀

Anders was my first in DA2. It was mainly on accident that I started it, but his passion was definitely intriguing. He's not my go-to romance anymore but I will never get over "I will drown you in blood to keep us safe."

Then there was Solas in Inquisition 🤡. I saw that bald elf start rambling about the Fade and modded my game to get with him. I see him more as a mentor than a potential partner these days but that romance is like the damn Hotel California.

[silenthillmutual]

I beg your pardon! It’s me who is going mad.

So, I know I did a Twitter thread about the ways Daniil is manipulated in Classic, and I thought I’d put it on here too.

I’m going to stop short of calling it gaslighting here though, because too many people are using that term who don’t really understand what it means. Gaslighting is specifically a form of abuse where the intention is to make the victim feel they are going insane. Not all manipulation or abuse is gaslighting - which doesn’t make it less bad, just...not gaslighting.

That being said: in Classic, there are quite a few times where Daniil can say that he thinks he’s losing his mind, and there are times when the game seems constructed to make you feel this way. Particularly I had in mind the ending of the game, and not just the part where you find out you’re a toy and always have been (that falls more under cosmic horror). What bugs me about the end and how that fits into things, is the fact that the Sand Pest and its outcomes have been chasing you - the clouds, the angels, the muggers, the firestarters, the rats, literally chasing you through houses and through town, only for all of it to completely vanish without a trace on the exact day you’re meant to give a solution to it all. I made a point on Twitter about how people attempting to gaslight you will submit you to a large amount of damage - physical, verbal, emotional, take your pick - and then remove the abuse and any signs of it just before they’re caught. it’s how they show to others that it’s you who’s the problem, not them. 

Regardless of whether you think the intention is to make Daniil feel he’s losing is sanity or not, the question would be who is manipulating Daniil, and why? There are a couple answers.

The first answer is the Town. The first playthrough as the Bachelor of the game is probably the closest fitting to psychological horror as the game gets. Like Silent Hill, the Town is full of horrors that seem tailor-made to torture Daniil specifically: most of these people are uneducated (the Town doesn’t even have a school), their cultural beliefs (mostly appropriated from the steppe culture) actively prevent him from doing his job as a doctor, his word and name are constantly weaponized by people with ulterior motives, and men run around on the first two days beating women to death or burning them alive and intervening actively costs you reputation - which you need to do anything. He arrives with the hope of finding evidence to keep his lab opening and, as we later learn, keep himself from execution, only to find that both the man who would serve as this evidence and the colleague who informed you of his existence have been murdered just before your arrival. You have a lot of things riding on your success, and everything about where you are is actively working against you. The government wants you to find a cure single-handedly, but the Town has other plans for you. 

And those plans are: errand boy, and scapegoat. People throughout the Town will inform you that they are scared of you when you’ve barely interacted with them, let alone in ways that should inspire fear. It doesn’t matter how good your reputation as Daniil is (and through the course of the game, there’s very little you’re made to do that lowers your reputation, and it never gets bad enough for you to be attacked on the street or refused sale from shops), what matters is the fact that everyone in Town, from the nameless NPCs to the rulers, are putting every bad thing they’ve done down as being your fault. 

But the Town has another way it’s manipulating Daniil, by almost making him a member of it. I don’t think I got a screenshot, but I’m sure that somewhere along the line Daniil comments that he’s starting to talk like one of the townsfolk. You can see this happens to Andrey, too, later in the game; he talks in what Daniil calls “Griefisms”. 

You have been sent here to fight an adversary that inherently cannot be beaten - in foolish hopes that a miracle would happen and your outstanding mind would stumble upon a once-in-a-million chance. And just so that you wouldn’t give up, they kept insisting that the adversary must be destroyed. Do you see how insidious the Powers That Be are?     > But why? Their motives are becoming less and less comprehensible to me by the day.

The second answer is the Powers That Be.

Three people enter the Town that the Powers That Be want to get rid of: the Bachelor, the Inquisitor, and the Commander. It wants them all to fix or solve or demolish something in the town, and doesn’t really care what happens to any of them. Pathologic 2 spells it out clearer for you that Aglaya, Block, and Daniil will all be executed upon return to the Capital if their answers are not what the Powers That Be want to hear. And for the time that you are in the Town as Daniil Dankovsky, the Powers That Be - like the town itself - actively work against you. The trains that are meant to bring food and medication never, to my knowledge, arrive, and most days bring about a new letter from the Powers spelling out for you how disappointed in you and your progress they are. Some of the ways they attempt to manipulate Daniil through these letters are subtle, but most of them are unsubtle suggestions that what he’s been able to accomplish is not good enough, that he was meant to work alone.

Even one of your first letters from them is suspicious; early on in the game, they write to let you know that they are in no way responsible for the outbreak, which is an incredibly suspicious thing to say. What is the point of sending such a letter? Would the player have really thought that they were if they hadn’t suggested as much through denial? After all, what called you to Town was a letter from Isidor Burakh. But yet, the Powers That Be are the ones who leave you stranded in the Town with limited resources, no help, and constantly shifting goalposts. Aglaya makes this clear to you when she arrives: you were never supposed to be successful. 

The letters from the Powers That Be do not serve any purpose other than to upset Daniil, and most if not all of them contain lies: that a train will be arriving, that they don’t mind if you have help in carrying out your plans, that Thanatica still exists, referencing conversations you’ve never had, signing drafts of letters you didn’t consult on with your name. One of the reasons i had put this down as gaslighting is because people who gaslight like to keep you off balance and emotionally fragile so that you’re easier to manipulate. You’ll do whatever they want to make the feeling stop, because you just can’t handle the stress anymore, and in the process you come across to others as unreasonable, unhinged, crazy, dangerous, so that no one will trust you. And that’s exactly how Daniil starts to come across to the townspeople: deranged, strung out, dangerous, untrustworthy.

You can contrast all that to a different letter they send you where they claim to be proud to call you one of your own. Combine the two, and you get honeymooning. They want to remind you of the good (or at least, not-as-bad) times you’ve had with them. This behavior serves two, sometimes three purposes: to keep you off balance from the violent back-and-forth, dizzying nature of what they’re doing to you, and so that you’ll defend them to people who can see what’s going on and want to get you out of it. You’ll even convince yourself that you’re not really being mistreated. If you were being abused, would they be so nice to you? 

You are the last friend our family has. I hope our attachment to you doesn’t look obtrusive.      > It requires too much from me. I’m not comfortable with it.     > No, not at all. 

The third answer is the Kains. Specifically, Georgiy and Maria repeatedly manipulate Daniil, though I’ve no doubt in the text above Victor stating their attachment to Daniil is also a manipulation, and one possibly planned by either or perhaps both of them. The text above probably looks normal, but think about the purpose it serves: to reinforce that Daniil is friendly with the Kains. Your only two options are to say that it doesn’t bother you, or to express that you feel your boundaries are being violated by their attention. But I even thinking about picking that option... Well, it feels mean. 

Throughout the game, people will comment on Maria’s attachment to you and what they feel is your predestination to be romantically paired with her. All this, despite the fact that you don’t really interact with her that much. I’ve seen this be explained as forced heterosexuality, but I think it also is a way of the Kains manipulating Daniil into doing what they want. Daniil gets upset whenever people cry; when children cry, he tries to calm them and fix whatever’s upset them - there’s an entire sidequest after the army arrives in which Daniil kills a group of soldiers, spurred into action by upset children. Whenever he encounters Maria crying, he reacts with discomfort, and she uses these tears and upset to manipulate Daniil into thinking Aglaya has lied to him, effectively distancing him from one of the only people in the game with a rational mind to show him support and tell him the truth. I don’t think the two are in any way unconnected. Something abusers, manipulators, gaslighters love to do is isolate you so that you only have one source of information to go to. If they cut you off from other people, they can continue to feed off of you. You’ll never have a chance to question if what you’re being told about yourself or others is correct, you’ll just be a constant supply of drama for them. 

DANIIL: Was there any particularly notable backstory? I’m deadly tired of all these people. They’re inhuman. They tell the future, believe in walking zombies, and die in all manners of painfully abnormal ways. 

AGLAYA: Your line of thinking is obviously fallacious - and I was implying something rather mundane. I promise you no one can really tell the future around here and neither are deaths inspired by third parties uncommon. Mysterious phenomenons do occur here sometimes... but hardly more often than anywhere else.

You can see, first, the effect all this has had on Daniil, how dispiriting the past several days have been to him. But you can also see here exactly why a family that prides itself on multi-generational reincarnation and manipulation through “fortune-telling” wants to keep its blunt instrument in the dark. 

That is, ultimately, why they are manipulating Daniil. Georgiy knows full well when he tells Daniil at the beginning that everyone, even himself, will lie to Daniil, that being that honest upfront is more likely to lead Daniil to trusting him. They want to sway him to their cause; this is why you are told that your success here depends on the wellbeing of the people Maria considers useful: herself, her father and uncle - who she gets out of the way later on to come into her power, the architects of the Polyhedron - which she will use to ascend to power, and the theatre director who has pledged himself to be her loyal servant. Eva’s on the list, too, but her inclusion was deliberately set up to make you depend on the Kains later in the game, considering that it’s Maria who convinced her to commit suicide:

DANIIL: Why did Eva die then? AGLAYA: I have a distinct suspicion she was made to die. DANIIL: By whom?  AGLAYA: One of the Kains. I’d even go so far as to claim that they may have performed human sacrifice.

It’s a two-for-one deal: try in vain to make a Focus of the Cathedral, and remove from Daniil the last piece of influence who was not totally in love with Maria. Maria “cries” and is “upset” at you for thinking Eva’s death is her fault, but no one directly tells you Maria is responsible - all Aglaya does is tell you the Kains are at fault. The rest is just you remembering how nasty Maria was about Eva at the beginning of the game. I wouldn’t even say that Maria was removing a rival for Daniil’s affection. She really does only view Daniil as an object: if you speak to her on day 12, she assumes that you’re leaving, and doesn’t even ask you to stay (for kicks, contrast this with either ending of Pathologic 2 when you speak to Daniil as Artemy, where he’s supposed to be your rival. what was all that about Maria being in love with you...?); he’s not even present in his own ending cutscene. Even Mark Immortell says you’re leaving -

And actually, that’s a really fascinating conversation you can have with him on day 12. It’s where the game outright admits exactly what Aglaya told you: it’s all fake. Maria cannot really see the future, you’ve just been manipulated the entire game to achieve someone else’s goals, and unless you’ve gone around and saved Artemy’s or Clara’s bound, it’s too late for you to turn back and make a different decision. If you’ve picked Daniil’s ending, you just destroyed an entire town on the basis of outright lies. 

[jordancat]

Malec (aka Matthew Daddario and Harry Shum Jr.) Say Goodbye to 'Shadowhunters'...for Now

On that epic finale, fandom, and weddings...onscreen and off.

by EMILY TANNENBAUM MAY 7, 2019

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/tv/amp27375054/shadowhunters-malec-wedding-finale-matthew-daddario-harry-shum-jr/

Please give the link a hit to show your interest in the show ans these two actors.  

But I always like to put the actual text of an interview or article in my posts in case the link moves or the article in taken down, so here it is.

********************************************************************************

As I corral Harry Shum Jr. and Matthew Daddario around the Cosmo offices, Matt bounces on his heels, pointing to random objects—like a fancy golden coffee table and fuzzy pillows—asking me if he can bring them home with him (the answer is always "no"). Harry is much more calm, back straight and confident, happy to just laugh at his co-star.

It's jarring how their roles are almost the reverse of their characters: For the last three years on Freeform's hit series Shadowhunters (based on The Mortal Instruments, by Cassandra Clare). Matt played Alec Lightwood, the stoic half-angel leader with a heart of gold, while Harry embodied the eccentric Warlock Magnus Bane, always moving, portaling somewhere or changing his look...not to mention throwing shit around his beautiful New York apartment.

As they say, opposites attract, and Matt and Harry captured the hearts of the entire Shadowhunters fandom as a certified power couple. Malec has certainly had their share of rom-com moments (they share their first kiss when the warlock crashed Alec's first wedding) and dramatic breakups (don't remind me about 2X18). But last night, Shadowhunters gave Malec the happy ending they deserve, complete with gorgeous wedding and happily ever after as the Inquisitor of the Clave and High Warlock of Alicante.

A wedding finale is hardly unheard of in the TV world, bordering on cliché, but for Shadowhunters there was truly no other option. The union of a strong gay man and proud bisexual has been the cornerstone of this fandom throughout its run, inspiring countless LGBTQ+ fans and landing a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Drama (not to mention sweeping the 2018 People's Choice Awards the same year as its premature cancellation). How else do you celebrate their legacy, if not by throwing a giant party and giving our boys one more showstopping kiss?

Of course, as surreal as it is to discuss the end of Shadowhunterswith the ship to end all ships, it's even tougher for them to say goodbye. Here, Matt and Harry talk about the Malec wedding, balancing fandom with real life, and why Alec had to stay mortal.

THE MALEC WEDDING

Tell me about the wedding. You’ve built this relationship for three years now, and you’ve seen how massively people have reacted—what did it feel like to give them that milestone?

Harry Shum Jr.: It had to happen. It was a great moment to bring everyone in and say, "Look at this joyous moment."

It was nice to have everybody back on-set. It really felt both, for the show itself and for us as a whole, that this was a great ending. Because it was the last thing we filmed. I'm happy that we got these two episodes so that we could do it because it would have been really unfortunate if the fans hadn't gotten that wedding. And then fans can play in their heads now, Magnus and Alec are married and doing whatever.

Matthew Daddario: You know, it's like the end of a chapter.

Harry: We're safe now.

So correct me if I'm wrong, but Alec is just a Shadowhunter still? He's not immortal.

Matt: Just a Shadowhunter? [Laughs] Yes, I am.

Some fans were really rooting for Immortal Husbands...like, intensely. How do you feel about this?

Matt: This is the thing I always have trouble understanding is that people want the immortality. And this is a topic that's been written about and discussed for thousands of years, and everyone comes to the same conclusion: the curse of immortality. It is not always the best thing in the world to live forever. In fact, that's close to this kind of a godliness that is considered almost like a living hell.

For Magnus, he's living and living in this endless loop without the repercussion of the totality of life. And if Magnus was instead mortal, would we not celebrate their wonderful life? But it's because he's immortal, we worry about what happens after the fact.

Harry: But here’s the difference: It’s not the immortality that you get shot and you can’t die.

Matt: Right. You can get killed. They're immortal, and then they get the shot off the top of the castle walls, and you're like, "Whoa, that's screwed up." But at the same time, every mortal has to deal with that. [Turns to Harry] So it's not your mortality that you're upset about when you first lost your powers. You're not upset about the mortality, you're upset about the loss of your identity.

Some fans just want Malec on an even playing field. But I find it really sad that Alec would have to live and lose like Jace and Izzy—

Matt: Right. Magnus lost people constantly, and he was kind of a shell of a person at one time. Up until meeting Alec, he's filling his life with debauchery, anything to heighten the senses. And, you know, trying to find places where he can take care of people. And he does get involved with helping vampires because they're immortal as well. There is a kind of emptiness to him in the first season.

Harry: No, for sure. And I think then there is the big switch.

Did you get emotional reading the final episode?

Harry: Everyone did at the table read. One of our producers reading off the narration, he couldn't even get through and actually walked out and someone had to take over. And then there was this silence in the end when the last words were spoken. I think that silence spoke volumes.

ON FANDOM

Has the end of Shadowhunters hit home for you yet?

Matt: I think it will hit me when I don't think about it for a week. If one week passes without me thinking about Shadowhunters, I will say, "Shit."

We think about it every day. This is a huge part of our lives. This is three years of this. And this show, it's a hit. People are talking about it, people from around the world. It's hard to deny that.

Will you still engage with Shadowhunters stans, or are you emotionally ready to move on to another world?

Matt: Look, we're done filming Shadowhunters, but the fans of the show are always welcome to ask questions and all that kind of stuff. But eventually, we're going to run out of new answers.

I'm always happy to talk to a Shadowhunters fan because they are enthusiastic, they care about what they're talking about, and many of them have built friendships off of it, so it matters to them, and therefore it matters to me.

Harry: Because you gave a part of your life.

Matt: Your job is to have an effect on people, and therefore you have a certain responsibility to engage with the people who are affected by this. You can choose not to, you could choose to go completely incognito or to ignore it, but to dismiss it is, frankly, insulting and kind of silly and maybe slightly narcissistic.

But I think that you do need to have an understanding that you're not any different or special because of this involvement with culture. And why would you want to be miserable about it? Why wouldn't you embrace it?

Matt, you kept your own wedding a secret until your one-year anniversary. Was it harder to keep the details of the finale secret or your wedding?

Matt: [Laughs] It was definitely easier to keep the wedding secret. I just told everyone no one's allowed to take photos. And people did a pretty good job with that.

Harry: Yeah, sometimes I think it's a nice...regardless of what your profession is, but particularly ours, to have something just for yourself.

Matt: Not to say that people don't deserve to know, but I think that anybody would feel like, hey, I would like this moment just to be mine for a little bit.

People can be a little bit demanding. One time this girl is walking down the street, I'm walking down the street, she's on the phone, it's the middle of the day, she's FaceTiming somebody.

She sees me, she stops me by the touching me on the shoulder and says, "Oh, whoa, wait, look! Look who's here!" and hold the phone up like this and goes, "Crazy!" and then keeps walking. And I'm like, fuck you. Like, what the fuck?! [Laughing] You don't do that to someone.

It just felt so invasive. It just feels a little bit like, you're not a human. You're the thing I see on TV. But I guess it's just excitement, whatever.

IS IT REALLY GOODBYE?

You obviously know about the #SaveShadowhunters campaign. What would you say if suddenly, some other network wanted to pick up the show?

Harry: I think it's a conversation. You know, we love playing these characters. But as time passes, things change. Like introducing a baby into your life, or whatever the next phase is.

But it's also a wonderful group of people. So, of course, instead of saying, "Absolutely not," it's definitely open for conversation for me.

Matt: Honestly, the ending is successful. And, you know, there's a danger now. What if you screw it up? [Laughs]

[jellybeanbeing]

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare

WARNING: It’s gon’ be long.

Synopsis:

What if damnation is the price of true love?

Innocent blood has been spilled on the steps of the Council Hall, the sacred stronghold of the Shadowhunters. In the wake of the tragic death of Livia Blackthorn, the Clave teeters on the brink of civil war. One fragment of the Blackthorn family flees to Los Angeles, seeking to discover the source of the blight that is destroying the race of warlocks.

Meanwhile, Julian and Emma take desperate measures to put their forbidden love aside and undertake a perilous mission to Faerie to retrieve the Black Volume of the Dead. What they find in the Courts is a secret that may tear the Shadow World asunder and open a dark path into a future they could never have imagined. Caught in a race against time, Emma and Julian must save the world of Shadowhunters before the deadly power of the parabatai curse destroys them and everyone they love.

REVIEW WITH SPOILERS!

Queen of Air and Darkness was INTENSE. My goodness... There was so much stuff that happened and were packed into this book. It was amazing and so well done with some exceptions but I’ll get into it later on. Overall, it was so emotional, dynamic, and great! And since this book was so big, I’m gonna try to go over every storyline(?) or significant character.

Starting off with Ty/Kit/Dru. I knew that some necromancy was gonna happen and I was prepared for it, BUT I thought that Livvy’s ghost was gonna pop up and say “stop it” and then everything would go back. Apparently, that’s not what happens. Ty now has to face his consequences which I’m pretty sure we’re going to see in The Wicked Powers. I wasn’t so invested in their story line, mostly because it didn’t have a big relation with the bigger story line. I felt like it was all set up for Kit and Ty’s story. I did really enjoy it though. We get to see more layers of Kit and Ty, and even Dru. I really loved getting to know Dru more. She has such a great voice and seeing things from her perspective was so interesting. I’m really excited to get more from her because what we did get from her in QOAAD, I really liked. She’s so smart, strong, and has a lot of potential to grown and be an even more amazing character.

I am loving Kit even more as we get to know him and the complexity of his character. I can understand his decision at the end when he wants to leave with Tessa and Jem without saying goodbye to the Blackthorns (especially Ty). Since Livvy’s death, all Kit did was be there for Ty even if what he was doing was really wrong. But when they both were at Lake Lyn and Livvy’s ghost came up, Ty was saying how there was nothing for him if Livvy wasn’t there, and that hurt Kit. So I can understand Kit’s decision. On another note though, KIT IS THE DESCENDANT OF THE FIRST HEIR? And that scene where he and Emma are with the Riders and magic just bursts out of him? How did that even happen? I need to know what is up with that. Again, on another note, I am always loving how Kit is accepting the fact that he’s a Shadowhunter. I love a good character development, and Kit’s development is so good. When he has that conversation with Jace, Kit wants his own weapon of choice and it was such a precious scene. We can really see Kit’s growing love of being a Shadowhunter.

We didn’t get a Ty perspective AT ALL in QOAAD so I’m really thinking Cassandra Clare is saving his voice for TWP which I’m all for. We’ll get to hear his voice and it’ll be so great. Ty was really something in this book though. I was lowkey kind of getting Julian-ish vibes from him. Ty was so determined to fix himself and his family that he completely forgot the logistics of everything and tried to do the almost impossible. We saw that Blackthorn stubbornness in him and I wasn’t all about it. I JUST NEED HIS PERSPECTIVE because when he got that letter from Thule Livvy, it seemed like he didn’t care. Not even a tiny bit. I just... I need TWP now. On a side note, holy mole. What if the Thule Jace coming to the normal Shadowhunter world is the consequence for Ty trying to raise Livvy? The necromancy could’ve opened a portal and let them pass through. Oh shit. DAMN IT. That means Ty will have to face this consequence and there’s gonna be another war. Are you kidding me?

I want to explore the Scholomance more. With just the small scenes we get of it, it seems so interesting. They weren’t happy or jolly scenes but something about it makes me want to delve in the Centurions lives more. I’m hoping that in The Wicked Powers, we will get to see more of the Scholomance. Especially since Ty is going to become a Centurion which WOW. I can’t wait for it. 

Moving onto Diana/Jia. Seeing things from their perspectives was pretty interesting considering that they are really the only adults here besides the TMI gang. We really saw the politics during their parts and it was unsettling because of the parallels it had with our real world politics. That was one thing that scared me. We know how things have gone in the real world when hateful people and extremists have power and influence. With those parallels, we can kind of grasp at how high the stakes are within the Shadowhunter government. There was that scene where Diego, Divya, and Rayan are brought upon the council and have the runes of Quietude put on them so they can’t speak. This hit me hard and made me tear up because it was so real. They, who are still basically children, aren’t given the chance to speak for themselves and are imprisoned. It was so heartbreaking to read that scene. But overall, I didn’t really care for Diana/Jia’s story line because nothing really happened.

There was that one badass scene where Diana was talking to Horace and he’s trying to convince her to side with him. I was so nervous that Diana wouldn’t have a way out of it and when she agreed to it, I was like, WE ARE FUCKED. But no. Diana grabs Horace’s sword, chops his arm off, and busts out the window like a BADASS. I was livid. 

And then the hot faerie threesome aka Cristina/Mark/Kieran. This was a pretty wild one. I absolutely loved the character development with every one of them. Not really Cristina because her character arc wasn’t that big or different. Mark and Kieran have come so far from being these broken faerie warriors to these strong and amazing people. It makes my heart ache and feel so happy. Oh my gosh, that last scene with the three of them at Magnus and Alec’s wedding, killed me. There’s that recurring line “Remember that none of it is real.” and at the end, Mark says, “Remember that all of this is real.” RIGHT IN THE FEELS.

I need to know more about the relationship between the Rosales family and faeries. There are so many unanswered questions with this. Why does Cristina have that time medallion thingy and the Rosales have the Eternidad? And I’m pretty sure there’s something sketchy about all of that. I need answers...

Speaking of the Rosales, Diego and Jaime? I actually really liked them in this book. I was pissed at Diego for lying to Cristina but he kind of redeemed his character. He showed his compassion and kindness which I really liked, and he apologized to Cristina. He confronted the situation and knew what he did was really shitty. Side note: I really ship him with Divya and I’m hoping to see them both in TWP at the Scholomance with Ty. ALSO, Diego was asked to take the spot as Inquisitor????? Would’ve never thought of Diego as the Inquisitor but I’m not mad. Yay, Diego. Jaime literally didn’t have a huge role in here and I felt like he was just there to set up TWP story line. For a second when Diego and Jaime were in the cell together, I thought that Jaime was going to die. I think it would’ve added so much more drama if he did die and given them something to hold against the Cohort but it’s okay. Jaime lived so yay.

Really quick before we get into Emma and Julian’s part, Aline was probably one of my top favorite characters in QOAAD. She was so sassy and always stood up for Helen. She was also so understanding and logical. Aline is quick to catch onto things and I’m hoping we get to see more or Helen and Aline and their POSSIBLE BABY.

Now let’s get to Emma and Julian. I was kind of disappointed in their characters, not gonna lie. I was really liking them in the beginning but towards the end, I was beginning to not really care if they lived or not. It just makes me sad because they’re the main characters. But if I’m gonna be REAL HONEST here, I didn’t really care for anyone’s story line. This pains me to say SO MUCH because this is my favorite series in the entire Shadowhunter Chronicles. 

Anyways, back to Emma and Julian. I was really liking borderline evil Julian. He was really living up to his ruthless title and it was so interesting. I seriously thought that his character would just continue to go downhill and no one was going to or could save him from it. That scene where Emma and Julian find out that Dane Larkspear was following them and then Julian MURDERS HIM sent chills down my spine. Julian was so cold and heartless in that moment and I kind of liked it. Also, call me heartless too but Dane deserved it. When he decided to go fetch the Black Volume by himself, he was asking to be killed. Back to Julian, though I liked borderline evil and emotionless Julian, he was such an asshole. Not only did he lie to and hurt Emma, he also did the same thing to his siblings. What the fudge nuggets, Julian? I was so glad that Magnus took that spell off of him because I was low key getting irritated. BUT that spell should have never been put on him in the first place, just saying.

I still think Emma is such a great strong female lead character. As I said in my Lady Midnight review, she is strong both mentally and physically but she has emotions. She expresses those emotions and shows her vulnerabilities. She ain’t no stone cold badass who welds a sword around, threatening people all the time. She’s a cool badass and I love it. One thing I really liked was how when Emma and Julian are in Thule and Julian tells Emma that he can feel again, she doesn’t just jump at the chance to be with Julian. He hurt her and lied to her, and she ain’t about that. Even when they returned from Thule, Emma knew Julian wasn’t himself and restrained herself from getting hurt by him again. 

That battle scene in the Unseelie Court was probably one of the most epic scenes in this book for me. We get Jace and Clary back, Mark and Kieran are there in chains, about to die, and there’s also Adaon, Julian, Emma, and Cristina there. I almost forgot that ASH, ANNABEL, AND THE SEELIE QUEEN WERE THERE TOO! Everything just went to shit but Kieran killed the Unseelie King, the Seelie Queen stole Adaon, Ash and Annabel jump through that portal, and soon after when the building is in flames, Julian and Emma jump through the portal too. It was absolute chaos and I loved it. And you know what scene I lived for during this whole thing? It’s when Julian is stabbing the shit out of Ethna with Simon’s D&D figurine. Amazing.

This book made me realize how crucial or very helpful it is to have read The Mortal Instruments and The Infernal Devices. I feel like if you’ve only really read TID and TDA, you won’t be able to grasp the how high the stakes are in Queen of Air and Darkness. Especially the whole deal with the Mortal sword and the Dark War.

Speaking of the Dark War.. when Emma and Julian went to Thule, I didn’t know what to expect but I was not expecting what we got. It was so different from what we know of the Shadowhunter world and it felt like a short novella inside QOAAD. But again, being honest here, that was the best part in this entire book. I was so captivated and entertained by this alternate dimension. Seeing Livia grown up and being a leader was just so nice to see, but it was also heartbreaking. 

Y’all, Cameron deserved so much more. I don’t know about you guys but I didn’t really care or like Cameron because we got the bare minimum of him. I also don’t know if it was mentioned in the other books about how he was as a person but the way Emma described him in QOAAD, he seemed like a sweet and goofy guy. I mean, this boy sent Emma llama pictures when he was sad. How precious is that? He was done dirty in this book. He was locked in the city of bones while fighting for his life by his girlfriend Livvy, got stabbed by his own cousin, and was ridiculed by his entire family. Cameron needs a hug.

I am so loving how the writing and characters in this book are getting so (dare i say) “rebellious”. Cassandra Clare isn’t sugar coating ANYTHING OR ANYONE anymore. I just want to appreciate the appearance of curse words whether its in English or another language. My rebellious heart loves it. I think this also ties into the fact that a lot of these characters are so done with the bullshit that’s been thrown at them that they just don’t care about censoring themselves anymore.

Zara and the entire Cohort can go choke. That’s all I’m gonna say about them.

That last battle scene was just intense. And the build up for this scene was equally as intense. I just absolutely loved how Julian got his shit together and remembered who he was. He is a motherforking genius. He contacted everyone he knew and set up that meeting. This seventeen year old boy did that. He was also smart enough to know that there was obviously going to be spies at the meeting so he had a secluded one after the majority of people left. I knew the Cohort was screwed from there on out, even when it was revealed that “Oskar” was Annabel. I was shocked but I knew they were gonna be in deep shit. But back to that last battle scene. What the fork? Everything was going pretty smoothly until someone just had to throw the knife and kill someone. I was living for that scene with the Mortal Sword. Everything was coming out and it was so amazing. But shit happened, so there’s that. 

The ending for this battle scene was a different kind of battle scene that I’m used to reading. Usually the perspective stays within the battle but Cassandra Clare included ALL perspectives of this battle, on field and out. I seriously thought that after Emma and Julian became giants, they were going to die or have all of their marks stripped. I really didn’t think they were have a happy ending. I mean, I’m happy they did but, it just doesn’t make sense. Also, I was not expecting Emma and Julian to become giants. Was it only me who imagined them as the Green Giant from the frozen vegetables thingy? Haha, yeah, just me.

I did really like how we saw so many perspectives of the battle. It made for a really good battle scene, but I guess I was a bit underwhelmed by the entire ending of this book.

THAT EPILOGUE? I was kind of expecting to get an epilogue similar to the one in Clockwork Princess. In Clockwork Princess, we get closure and I felt satisfied with the entire story but THE QOAAD EPILOGUE? I’m unsettled and I have to wait until around 2022 FOR ANSWERS. My heart will be unsettled for about 4 years. Okay. Cool.

Just the fact that this whole situation is coming full circle back to TMI but with it being more complex, is making me so tired of these assholes coming back to fuck shit up. Let these children be, goddamn it. 

I seriously thought I would feel at ease when I finished QOAAD but I don’t. That’s the one thing that bothers me. This book is so big yet we have SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS AND LOOSE ENDS. Please fucking yell at me if this was also the situation for COHF because it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read it.

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed some aspect of this even if it’s complete shit.

[ralfstrashcan]

3x11 Reaction / Commentary

So I haven't even started the episode and I'm already confused.

Why did Netflix put 3B in a separate folder? I mean, they didn't with 2B. What's the matter with that. Or is this just the German Netflix??

Smoooooothe move. Somewhere Derek Hale is smiling proudly.

Wtf why they so slow. I was half expecting this to be a simulation or sth because they took ages to arrive and then were walking super chill???

Seelie guy doesn't use this obvious distraction of the others to try and escape, since he knows he's just a minor character and shouldn't interfere.

Beautiful grieving sequence, especially Jace with the sketch of himself. I knew there would be a portrait of him in there before he even turned the page, I could feel it. I love how sensitive and therefore predictable the show is.

Ooooh nooooo Clary is still aliiiiiive, who whould have thought?!?!?! Okay sorry haha I had to.

lol didn't he look in a mirror recently and realize there's still no real resemblance? I mean, at least now he's not charred anymore, so I guess there's more resemblance than before, but you know what I mean. And I get it, this is supposed to be a parallelism to Lilith saying the same thing, but if memory serves right, at this point in time Jonathan was a) in a thick glass casket and b) dead so I'm wondering how he could have heard that.

wtf I'm getting sooo mixed signals from him. Does he want to give off creeper vibes or play house? Because he's kinda doing both?? Play Creeper House???

YEAH LITERALLY I WANT TO SEE THEIR HEATING BILLS

This...... doesn't sound as reassuring as it sounded in your head, Jonathan.

So, points for Clary for that ploy, but my heart is already pre-emptively breaking for Jonathan when he finds out she's playing him. The poor guy just wants family after being used and abused his whole life, man. Is that too much to ask.

More points for Clary for being sensible and grabbing a coat!!

“Clary, come on. You can't go out there. You're never gonna survive.”

Hahaha that had me laughing out loud. So Clary.

Okay, minus points for Clary for not actually wearing the coat. You had a winning streak of common sense but all good things must end, I guess.

Picturesque. But, uh, since Jonathan isn't following her she could slow down. And if she was a Slytherin, she would have waited til after breakfast with her daring escape.

LISTEN I LOVE THIS CASUAL DOMESTICITY

Also if you're more make-up versed than I am (which, admittedly, isn't very hard) and realized something was off about the way Magnus held that eyeliner stick (?) then check lynne-monstr's eyeliner salt club tag because it's hilarious. I also want to rec volunteer_of_hufflepuff's fic smile even though your heart is breaking because it's awesome.

...........................really. Really. That's how they want to play it? Ugh, okay. Ugh.

You know, I've had a whole lengthy extensive (dare I say exhaustive) rant ripening in my head since I saw this bit in the sneak peek but I'm just not in the mood, so let me cut it short: I get Simon's reaction emotionally, since losing Clary must be a horrible experience for him, but I'm still bitter about early 3A where blasting that werewolf across Taki's yard and knowing he might never walk again didn't bother Simon for one second. Repercussions should always matter, regardless of how close you are to the person affected.

Oh dear, she's still running. And her hair still looks like that?

Sure. Also

How can he keep up with her when he's walking and she's running? I mean he's not that much taller than her. Or does she run ten feet, pause to gasp and pant a little, runs again, stop and go, y'know? So on average she's just powerwalking.

Ok srsly I need to stop this nonsensical commentary.

Yeah and I guess he didn't notice the Clave-approved vampire-torture-sunlight construction Aldertree installed in this very same office (shown in 2x04 if you care to remember).

........who are you and what did you do to Alec Lightwood? You seriously want to tell me he'd consider not bringing up a violation of the Accords, and more importantly power abuse and torture, because of political reasons and he's “scared” to lose his standing with Jia? Please. He'd be enforcing Clave law. He'd be well within his right. We're talking about the guy who flat out refused to do the Inquisitor's bidding because it went against his moral code. Compared to that, this is a walk in the park. So. Please.

“I understand the kind of pain you're in, Jace.”

“No you don't. I'm sorry, you don't.”

“You're right...

Oh my god this isn't about Clary, or at least not for the most part. Jace is frikking traumatized because he wasn't in control of his body or his actions or his frakking mind for days. Btw I'm actually impressed and surprised they bothered to focus on anything but the Clary-Drama, namely Jace second-hand-killing like 33 people. And Imogen. And almost Alec. The way I see Jace he'll focus on his guilt, not the pain he feels over Clary's loss. Clary will be on his mind and that's one more thing to feel shitty about, because how can he be so selfish and think about his own pain when he brought so much more pain on other people? Jace has an incredibly intricately self-destructive mind and I love how it was portrayed here. Also loved the scene in general with some Izzy&Jace sibling feels, the tender way she talks to him, his kiss to her hand. But the focus (mainly because of Izzy) returning to Clary annoyed me a little.

And by the way, there is one person who can understand Jace. Alec. Because he was possessed by a demon and forced to kill someone, too. Granted, he doesn't have the memories of the action itself, but he saw it on tape. He blames himself because the demon fed off his own hate against Jocelyn. So I would really really love to see those two talking about it. I'm extremely thrilled to watch on and see if they do (but lol kinda hoping they don't because then I can finish writing my ficlet about it, which I sadly didn't manage to before 3B aired).

MY LIFE EXPECTANCY JUST INCREASED BY AT LEAST FIVE YEARS OKAY

Also what a damn badass nightlight, I want one as well even though I hate not to sleep in absolute darkness, that's how pretty this is.

HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHA I  C A N ' T

ALEC'S OFFENDED FACE AS IF THIS IS NEWS TO HIM

Wow I'm so glad they didn't forget about Iris. I was scared, not gonna lie.

Tbh I don't find Madzie's reaction that realistic. I mean, Valentine – the first person to talk to her after she got ripped from her normal life in her normal home – told her Clary got Iris into trouble. At some point they must have told her that Iris isn't coming back. But did they really tell her Iris was breeding warlocks? I highly doubt that. At most they told her Iris did some bad things. But, since they probably said the same thing about Valentine (and he was always “nice” to her) and told her Clary wasn't in fact evil, that kind of loses its meaning. And let's not forget, she is a child. A probably traumatized child, I might add, since Valentine used her to literally kill at least ten Shadowhunters that we see on screen, likely more. Her perception of what is right and what is wrong is easily swayed. And personally I think she neither really registered that Iris is supposed to be the bad guy now nor that living with Catarina / Magnus and Alec is sooooo much better than living with Iris ever was, so her having such a strong opposition against going with Iris seems unrealistic to me.

Love this. So good.

This is actually really beautiful

This is actually really dramatic for no reason and I'm soooo here for it.

Soooooo am I the only one wondering why the F Cat didn't put some wards on Magnus's place? I mean????? There is no explanation given for that, and frankly I can't come up with one. If not for Magnus, then Cat would at least put wards there while Madzie stays with him. Or....... do they want to imply Cat doesn't know that he lost his magic?? Hä?! If so, who the hell patched Alec back up from his neat little life-threatening arrow wound? Cuz I had assumed it was Cat. Since, y'know Jace pleaded with Magnus to help Alec, implying (to me at least) that an iratze alone wouldn't cut it this time. Except of course, if he asked because he didn't want to be bothered with taking out his stele and activating Alec's healing rune, but when Magnus refused because no magic he had no other choice.... and let's be real, the first scene of this episode heavily implies that a healing rune can cure just about anything in 0.3 seconds flat.

Alec wanting to bench Magnus makes no sense. Keeping him around and/or at the Institute makes more sense than, oh I don't know, telling him to stay in his loft where there are no wards. Wtf is logic anyway, right?

I liked this scene, don't get me wrong but... what's with the tough love? Alec isn't usually like that?? He's soft and firm reassurance, not aggressive and authoritative reassurance. Did he try that route before and it didn't work?? I need some answers.

“I had no idea.”

“How could you? You weren't there.”

“Me leaving had nothing to do with Simon. I just needed to be alone.

Okay, what, am I supposed to blame Maia now for needing time for and taking care of herself? She's so defensive as if her leaving was objectively wrong, and it wasn't.

“I guess when times get tough, some people need to be alone. And others need to be around other people.

Please, this is a dirty lie. Remind me again, who was it that pushed Alec away after he found out about her yin fen addiction, insisted she could handle it on her own, ran away and finally confiding in some random stranger she had just met? It wasn't Maia. Who stayed up late all night, disregarding her own emotions and rather tearing herself apart trying to fix the drama of her brothers than to mention to anyone she wasn't alright? Wasn't Maia either.

I feel strongly about this because this seems like a really cheap way to break up Saia and set up Sizzy and I don't like cheap things. I don't like Sizzy either, but my main demand is quality, not a certain content. I'll accept Sizzy if it's done correctly. But this isn't it. This is laying blame on a character who's not to blame, and making claims about another character that are plain untrue if you look at the last three seasons.

I've said it before, there would be good ways to break up Saia. For example their attitude to violence differs greatly from one another. Maia is trigger-happy and sees no harm in it, Simon is more or less pacifistic (at least when he's not having his I-don't-care-about-anything-but-my-gig-mood). Creating a conflict out of this would have been in character. Claiming Maia is somehow to blame because she wasn't there is not only unfair, but also invalidating all Maia has done for Simon before, and that was a lot. Putting up with her shitty ex, helping him search for Lilith, fighting her own pack so they don't bully him. She was about to have a face-off with the Seelie Queen – the very same creature that held her hostage not too long ago – just to be by his side. Is that all suddenly not worth anything anymore, just because she had the audacity to take a little time for herself, to sort through her own issues?

Seriously, he let her walk in that? No wonder she collapsed. Jonathan should have gotten her nice hiking boots.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

CAN WE JUST.... CAN WE...... APPRECIATE.......... HOW HE BATS ALL HER MAGIC ATTACKS AWAY....... LIKE............ MAGNUS................ H O W

Btw if this is supposed to sway me and make me see that benching Magnus would have been the right call, then it's not working, because fine, let's assume Magnus had gone home. Then Iris would have had an even easier job to snatch him away, because a) no wards and b) no sword. And on top of that Alec wouldn't have had a way of knowing that Magnus was even taken, since I doubt Iris would have let Magnus call or text him.

Do you even know that? I'd like to see what you're willing to do after being tortured for ten years. Just saying. But fine. Stay there on your high horse.

Ohmygod I am stunned. I couldn't have written that summation any better and to be honest I had assumed the show would just blackpaint Jonathan as evil villain and be done with it. This is so much more than I expected. I am impressed. (And of course now I hope that there will be a redemption arc for Jonathan, but I'm afraid I'm setting myself up for heartbreak with this one.)

Do they intend to tell me that this whole place is warmed by the fireplace? Why not by a heater? Since the three billion lamps

imply there's electricity somewhere. Or was that line about firewood just Jonathan's way to exit the scene? Who knows.

“Ollie? Doesn't remember a thing. Praetor was good about getting her and Samantha relocated. New identities. They're safe now, like everyone else.”

I'm still high-key bitter about this. I love Ollie a great deal, okay, so this is a pretty disappointing solution to outsource her from the plot. Just let her forget all the shit so she doesn't have to deal with trauma. Guess she thinks now her mother died in an explosion caused by a gas leakage or something. I wonder what the mundane police has to say about that and how long it'll take them to find her, since, y'know, they have evidence against her and all that.

Edit: This doesn't actually make sense if you think about it. Did Ollie just get dropped into a witness protection program for no reason she can remember? Or does that “new identities” actually mean they have completely new identities because they don't remember ANYTHING from their old life?? I need answers.

I get it. This is supposed to make me see how rundown and wasted Luke is. But is he purposefully trying to make himself look like a confused hobo? I mean couldn't he like, prepare the notes he wanted to show Jace? It's like he's trying to reinforce to Jace he shouldn't listen to a thing Luke says because these are clearly the actions of a desperate man. Presentation is half the battle man, man.

Hah, badass. There's a reason I love him.

I totally dig Magnus in his kiddie clothes, but I also need a lot of answers because there's blood on his hands and bodies at his feet and this doesn't look like magic gone haywire, this looks like a massacre and I need answers. I wonder if they're gonna explain this flash or just let it sit there uncommented. (I hope they address it and I hope it has something to do with Asmodeus and their time together.)

Ugh do I honestly have to reiterate that parking Magnus in his ward-less loft wouldn't have helped? Also, he's a grown-ass man and can make decisions for himself, dammit.

Owning up to his mistakes unrestrainedly. There's a reason I have a soft spot for Raphael.

New York, huh? What a coincidence. Wouldn't want him to live somewhere else and have Maia burn through the other half of her paycheck to pay some warlock to portal them again, right?

Also, not to be controversial, but why don't they ask the Praetor first? Since they had a whole ass book on the mark of cain and everything. And figured out what it is. And getting rid of something so dangerous is basically their job. I mean. Just saying.

You know I always marvel at this. Just because he's old he knows shit? Is there really an age where knowledge pops into your head just because? Because I'm still waiting for that to happen to me, let me tell you. Just like being immortal somehow grants you immediate access to celebrities and the questionable honor to be in the midst of all historical events of the slightest relevance? Srsly if I was immortal I'd still be glued to my lappy and hate going out.

LOL give Iris a front row seat on how you smashed her XD XD XD

IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE

<3 <3 <3

This exchange thing is a ploy, and to be honest, a painfully obvious one. I find it really kinda hard to believe Iris falls for it. What I've been asking myself since this plot line started is, why didn't Iris have that idea herself? Like, I honestly expected her to use Magnus as a hostage and tell Alec he either hand over Madzie or she'll kill Magnus. Makes way more sense than her just trying to find Madzie herself and then what, try to break her out again? That didn't work last time, and since the warlocks are warned by Magnus's abduction it'd be even unlikelier to work now. I get it plot-wise since it'd be a little awkward if Iris out-blackmailed the Shadowhunters, but like. Seriously. What's the in-universe-explanation for this???

I don't know why, but Magnus looks super cute in this shot.

Five bucks say this is Izzy with a shapeshifting rune, and ISTG if this is actually Madzie then I can just shake my head at them.

Okay, I totally dig Lightwood siblings working together but. Why do you have to simultaneously hurt me with plot holes.

1) Where did they get Seelie Magic? Did they employ Meliorn? Srlsy. Also, the Seelie Magic at the beginning of the episode could move so why was Illusion!Madzie standing there like a display dummy? That was super suspicious.

2) Why didn't they use a shapeshifting rune? The illusion would have held longer, Izzy could have gotten closer and tied Iris up more easily, without Magnus getting smashed first. But, drama I guess.

3) Where the f is Catarina? Please. Her ward almost gets kidnapped and all she does is go “Oh shit, gotta relocate her to some other High Warlock lol.” Her best friend gets kidnapped and all she does is go “Oh shit, but whatever, here have a fake ransom note but don't think I'll move my ass from this super important Bitching and Drinking Conference. I payed like 200 bucks to get in.” Wtf. This is shitty ooc behavior from her. Wtf. She's either suuuuuper confident that Alec and Izzy will get Magnus back no problem, or she doesn't give a shit about him, and sorry, I don't believe either of those two options.

HAHAHA I'M SCREAMING LOOOOOL!!! Is this code for “We wanted to kill her but Lilith was quicker so we'll pretend we weren't even interested in killing her in the first place”? The Clave, man. Always good for a laugh.

No, dummy, this is their R&D Department.

I'm not even kidding, remember 2x04:

Oh the good old times.

This was. Really good. Really. I'm like, reeling. I feel like show writers read too many fanfics and therefore the Malec scenes this ep were exquisite. Magnus evasively running around and not liking his “powerlessness.” Alec there to reassure him with the sweetest of words. Their kiss, not to short, but hard and determined, with feeling. Top tier shit.

Wow, even though the words that left their mouths were reassuring and good it still feels like their relationship is suddenly dying. I wonder why that is? Oh, right. Because Sizzy, that's why.

I love.

Ooooh guess the residual electricity finally ran out. And I guess Clary turned all the candles off to match the mood? Also, since it was dark outside before and now isn't anymore.... was Jonathan out collecting firewood the entire night? That's dedication, man.

.......what a coincidence that their healing rune is in the exact same spot. On that note, I've been wondering.... if the ressurection resetted his skin to a state it hasn't been in for ten years, effectively un-charring it, shouldn't his runes have disappeared as well? Did he spend the “days” Clary was sleeping with putting runes all over himself?? On that note, why the hell did Clary have to sleep for days when Jonathan was the one who came back from the dead? All that Clary did was running at Simon in slow motion. I mean, I know what I would find more taxing.

I soooo appreciate the blood on her teeth. Such care for detail <3

Okay, so I realize that this makes Jonathan look like a fanatic, but I actually understand this scene like this: He's not an idiot. He knew Clary wasn't really going to give him a chance. But this, this is his chance, because now she has no choice but to stick with him and see for herself.

Btw if you're wondering why I'm so pro Jonathan, you can read the beginning of this post where I got out all of my Jonathan Feels. Basically, until I actually see him act intrinsically evil I refuse to believe all hope is lost for him. He did terrible things, yes, and he's aware of that, but the way I see it he did them because he wasn't ever presented with an alternate choice. And now that he has one, he's holding onto it tooth and nail. He wants to leave all the pointless violence behind.

I'm aware he's a sadistic psycho in the books, but this wouldn't be the first time the show gave a character a make-over (for the better) and so far the only compelling piece of evidence on the show in favor of Jonathan's demon blood causing him to be unsavably evil was Jocelyn's vision of him killing a flower as a baby, and it's not even clear if that was intentional. So excuse me if that's not enough for me to write him off.

Gif Sources: Malec cheek kiss, Magnus being cutesy with his croc impression, Magnus brandishing his sword *facepalm* you know what I mean, Magnus batting Iris's magic away

[aced0g]

Be Your Worst Self

I was tagged by @loveydoveypiperwright​ , so thank you! I’m sorry I haven’t done a tagging game in a while but I’m getting there :DD

Rules: Take this quiz for your character(s) and post the results!

I’m gonna tag @fallout-and-dragon-age​ & @ace-amatus​ but thats only if y'all want too. Have fun if you do!

So for my ocs its going to just be easier to go by the personality type rather than list each oc out individually cause there would be a lot of overlap, that being said, here we go~

You Are an Emotionally Volatile Nightmare:

Your heart guides you and sometimes that’s not as dreamy or romantic as it might sound. It’s true that your feelings often inspire you to heal and create, and as long as those feelings don’t steer you wrong, you’re capable of truly visionary accomplishments in the name of empathy and love. Feelings, though, aren’t always gentle and sweet. You know that better than anyone because your own emotions -the same overwhelming forces that inspire you to make the world a better place - can take you to very dark places, especially if you believe that the subject of your ire has shown unwarranted cruelty toward you or something you hold dear. You know that your feelings aren’t necessarily rational, but that doesn’t stop you from dramatically blaming other people for causing you pain. Of course, you might not even stop at crying; that notoriously brilliant creativity might even spur you to express your wrath artistically - nothing says “emotional stability” like a morose, vengeful poem.

-Evander Virani: Does it match up? Yeah I’d say so. He’s experienced a lot of trauma and while most of the time he pushes his emotions down or tries to act like a positive “everything’s going to be okay!” person he’s about one bad thing away from having a breakdown. When he’s truly happy its one of the few times he can just forget about his problems and enjoy the moment. Most of the time he’s in this in between stage of pure terror and extreme sadness. It makes him appear like he has a level head. When he’s angry though it tends to lash out as a literal burning rage. He loses control of his magic and sort of engulfs his arms in flame and takes his ire out on whoever pissed him off (he hates being angry because it scares him. He doesn’t like losing control). His creative outlet is forging knives and swords. He does want to heal though, he’s tired of being the cause of destruction. He wants to help and heal, not only others but also himself.

-Aspen Lavellan: Does it match up? Kinda? I wouldn’t call him volatile. Aspen’s got a pretty level head on his shoulders. He has learned how to act diplomatic. When he is presenting himself as Inquisitor to the public imagine a Raymond Holt type of personality. When he’s with friends though he likes to pull pranks and just have a good time. He doesn’t want to be serious all the time because it makes the situation feel bleak. He wants there to be positivity in his life. Though, I would say that when he is truly angry it’s a type of silent wrath that’s terrifying. You can see the burning hatred in his eyes and he has the skill to hit his target with three arrows before they even know whats going on. When he’s truly angry he will keep fighting until he’s completed his goal or he dies trying. He does carve dalish patterns into his bow so that could be considered creative? Aspen is a protector. He wants to help others, keep them safe and that could translate into healing. He does what needs to be done to keep people safe, and sometimes that means making the hard decisions that others can’t.

-Arthur Cousland: Does it match up? Yeah. Arthur’s usually able to stay in a good mood. He’s an optimist and doesn’t like to bring people down. He’s gentle and wants to help heal and create. It’s why he enjoys playing his lute and singing. Songs can inspire people, or at the very least cheer them up. He may be a noble but what he does with that sort of money and power is give it away to others. He gives his coin to those on the street who need food, or he’s been known to give his blanket away as well saying he’ll just buy another when they reach the next town. He’s got a big heart and he wears it on his sleeve. The only way he can hide when he’s sad is if it’s raining so that the rain can hide his tears, or if he goes off on his own for a little while (he hates burdening others with his problems and often leaves for an hour or two to just climb a tree and have a good cry, though Alistair catches on and works with Arthur to realize its okay to let others help him when he is sad). When he’s angry it’s hard to think logically. He listens to his heart and when he feels betrayed or that someone is going to bring harm to his friends or the people he’s protecting he will fight tooth and nail to protect them and kill whoever is provoking them.

You are a Narcissistic Monster: 

You’re the best - right? Wherever you go, the spotlight finds you, and you’re hardly complaining. you can’t imagine your friends care, since, after all, you’re so generous. Well, that’s what you like to think about yourself. You’re generous, enthusiastic, and fun, so if you compulsively steal the spotlight, it doesn’t really matter. If you fuel drama just to feed your thirst for a dramatic life, is it really that bad? Is it really so wrong for you to be the center of attention? Does it really matter how other people feel about it in the long run? Of course, you’d never say no. You’re the generous friend, and you’d never hurt anyone on purpose just to keep all eyes on you... right? Every now and then, you imagine your funeral and how all of your friends will go on and on about how wonderful, magnetic, charming, and generous you were. 

-Sorian Surana: Does it match up? No, not really. He’s cocky, headstrong, and a bit of an asshole sometimes but I wouldn’t call him narcissistic. He’s proud of himself, and yeah he’s proud of himself and takes pride in his looks but not because that’s all he cares about. Sorian is a trans-man elf mage who was mistreated in the circle and then joined up with the wardens and transitioned. He went from thinking he would have no future to being one of the legendary Grey Wardens, and then he actually looks the way he’s always wanted to! So of course he’s going to seem a little vain or narcissistic sometimes, but it’s only because he never thought he’d make it this far. And, if he’s being honest, he fucking hates the spotlight. He’d much rather be just one of the Wardens instead of The Hero of Ferelden, Arl of Amaranthine, and all those other titles. He’ll be in the spotlight, but it doesn’t mean he enjoys it. Besides, he should be allowed a little bit of cockiness (mages in The Awakening DLC are so OP by the end of it, literally Sorian knows so many spells and can conjure the dead turn into a bear, wield a great ax while shooting fire storms at people, and at the same time have a constant aura of changing elemental magic that deals damage to his enemies.)

You are Shockingly Violent:

There’s no getting around this: you desperately need to attend anger management. You’re just as headstrong and opinionated, and your energy and enthusiasm can turn into explosive violence at the drop of a hat. You’re a walking time bomb of seething rage, and the more you try to hide it, the more it escapes in unpredictable, volatile mood swings. Do yourself a favor and invest in a stress ball or gym membership before you do something you really regret

-Kyra Lavellan: Does it fit? Yeah. She chose the Reaver specialization for a reason. Kyra is a very energetic and enthusiastic person. She does what she feels is right and gets upset when people don’t see that she’s doing the right thing even if it might not morally line up with their beliefs. As a kid she’d often get into fights with the other kids of her clan and was always sporting some sort of bandage because of it. She has a better control on her outbursts as an adult, but she still lashes out especially when she’s in pain or very annoyed. Her anger is great in battle though. She fights with the ferocity of a dragon and won’t admit it out loud but she does enjoy having the power to physically shred her enemies with her hands. Before she knew how to control the reaver power she would keep attacking, sacrificing her own health to get the job done and make sure the others were safe. Once she learned how to keep conscious and keep fighting things went a lot smoother. 

-Alrik Hawke: Does it fit? Kinda? Hawke’s in denial really. He wants to protect people and make them happy, it’s why he chose to be a spirit healer, why he’s always cracking jokes and trying to get others to smile. He does have a lot of anger though. It’s just under the surface, though its quite hard to really bring out. See Alrik is a werewolf and his anger is tied very closely to the wolf, so for him getting angry isn’t just an outburst of words it means he could lose control and shift. He doesn’t want that. He keeps a tight lid on his anger and it only really comes out in moments of extreme stress, like the deep roads or when slaver’s are trying to recapture his best friend, or when people keep calling Merril a monster, or when Templars get too close to Anders. Okay so maybe he does have a lot of anger. Like I said he’s in denial. 

You are a Two-Faced Liar:

Your friends know you talk behind their backs. Not that you’re a bad person - you just can’t help letting other people know how you really feel about some of the crazy stuff your loved ones have told you. Unfortunately, you’ve talked and talked and talked, and now, they all know you’ll talk if they confide in you. You know it, too, and you still can’t help it. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t force yourself to be as loyal or honest as you want to be. At least you’re charming enough to keep making new friends and replacing the ones who felt too hurt or betrayed to trust you again.

-Zachariah Hawke: Does it fit? Yes and no. Zach has a big heart, but as a rogue he knows sometimes it’s better to lie and be dishonest. I think this would have been more of a problem back in Lothering, unable to keep friends because he keeps telling his parents about them and over sharing, not out of malice but because he gets so excited that he just needed to tell them. I think over time he would become the one with no friends and as an adult he knows how to keep his mouth shut. The only person he really overshares with now is Varric, and later Fenris when they’re in their relationship together. Zach isn’t trying to hurt anyone by talking about them he just... can’t keep all of their problems locked up with his because it’s too much. Zach’s the type of guy that smiles to hide what he’s going through and he wants to help his friends so much, but to keep it all inside would cause him to fall apart. 

[nny11writes]

Soooo....has anyone done a SPOP/SW crossover yet? Want a snippet from my WiP?

Welcome to the drama where Adora and Catra finally meet again for the first time in like, two or three years after Adora was captured by the rebellion while Catra went on to Mustafar for training. It’s Star Wars so the drama is waaaaay up!

Adora carefully crept along, keeping her profile low and her lightsaber unlit in her hand. She could feel them, not their location but their signature, so much darker than anything she’s used to.  But also...familiar…

“Hey Adora,” Catra slides out from the shadows, as if she had always been there. Clipped to her belt is the familiar circular hilt of the Inquisitorium.

Adora feels her heart break and soar at the same time. “Catra! Thank the Force you’re alive!”

It’s like lightning just before it strikes. The warning in the Force is loud and clanging, and Adora’s smile falters as she stumbles back.

“Yeah, no thanks to you. How’s life been oh mighty Chosen One.”

“I- Catra I didn’t mean to leave you, they captured me before I could-”

“If you had helped me they wouldn’t have!” Catra shouts, pushing off the pillar to stalk forwards. “You, you were going to let me die.”

“No, Catra, no it wasn’t like that at-”

“I had to pull myself out of that one you know? Barely did, but I guess that just like every other time you said you’d help me and then dropped me.”

“I never-”

“No. You never did anything that would help!”

“I wanted to protect you!”

“Not if it put you on Phantasma’s bad side though, right?” Catra sneers, claws flexing at her sides, “Never if it was actually wanted, or needed, or necessary. You never protected me Adora! Never! So what was I to you anyways? Just a distraction? A pet?”

“No! Stars, Catra no, you were my friend! My best friend!”

There’s a long pause as Catra looks her over, a small rough smile in place. “I really was, wasn’t I?”

“Of course you were! Catra, you were my best friend, the best friend I could ever ask for!”

“Yeah. Too bad you didn’t give that loyalty back. Could have saved you a lot of misery Adora. Phantasma sent me. She wants you to come home.”

“She wants me to be an inquisitor. To fall to the dark side and slaughter innocents! Catra...I can’t, I can’t do that. The Empire is evil, they lied to us! Phantasma lied to us!”

What little good humor had been there is gone. “Are you seriously just figuring that out? The militaristic, fascist regime that overthrew the rightful and democratically elected government was the bad guys Adora, how the hell could we have been anything else? They burned my planet to the ground, massacred my people! Of course the Empire is evil!”

“How...how can you be ok with that?”

“Because it didn’t matter Adora, we protected each other! I was willing to be whatever I had to be to stay by your side! And if you kriffing think back, you’ll remember I wanted you to leave with me. I wanted you to leave for me. You karking stopped me, so I stayed for you Adora.” Catra suddenly goes quiet, small, hunched in on herself before standing taller than she ever has. “And you showed me what a mistake that was. You were right, that should make you happy, you always like being right. You were right.”

“Right about what? Catra I don’t understand! You can leave, you can leave with me, I’m asking you to leave with me now. I’m sorry I stopped you then, I’m so sorry, but I can’t change that. Please-”

“No. You were right! I was weak. And those with power, those with strength are obligated to step forward and take control. You told me that, and you know what? You were right, but... You made me weak Adora,” one red blade snapped to life, “you leaving...it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Adora barely had time to ignite her blade and block, each strike from Catra was ruthless and powerful, landing with precision. It was like nothing Adora had ever seen from her, and it took everything in her to just block, parry, dodge.

“Catra, Catra please stop!”

Their blades locked, snapping and growling as the plasma touched. Catra leaned forwards, sticking her neck over their blades. “You want this to stop? Then end it.”

“No!” Adora pushed in the Force, knocking Catra back away from her, blade extinguishing. “I won’t kill you, I never wanted to hurt you and I don’t, please, I don’t want to fight you. It shouldn’t be like this!”

“Yeah? Then throw it away,” Catra motioned to her cooling hilt. “Throw it aside if you mean it.”

Adora squeezed it tighter, senses clouded by her emotions. “How do I know you won’t strike me down?”

Catra laughed, light and airy and oh so wrong. “I thought you didn’t want to hurt me.”

“I don’t! But I won’t let you kill me just because I made a mistake.”

“Phantasma wants you to come home Adora,” Catra repeated, taking a step back. Then another, and another. “You used me until it wasn’t convenient for you-”

“No! I made a mistake Catra-”

“You threw me away and now you want me to come at your beck and call? Oh you made a mistake alright, you made the worst mistake of your life!”

Catra steps backwards, disappearing into the shadows behind her and suddenly the Force screams with clarity. Adora manages to avoid being sliced in two by Catra’s lightsaber. But there’s fire pouring down her back and Adora screams as she collapses. Catra kneels next to her, one hand softly cradling her face.

“She wants you to come home, but Adora, I don’t want you to come back.”

The world trembles for a moment, Catra’s hand the only comforting thing Adora can feel through the pain in her back. The Force wraps around her gently, and for one moment she can see the sharpened edges of Catra’s circular hilt, glowing red as she prepares to strike. There’s a sound, a far away scream, purple light spilling over her and Bow’s face close to hers before the whole world goes dark.

[okimargarvez]

METEOROLOGY- Sun

Original title: Meteorology.

Prompt: climatic metaphors, phases of love.

Warning: none.

Genre: drama, romantic, comedy, angst, family, friendship.

Characters: Luke Alvez, Penelope Garcia, BAU team, Phil (Luke’s partner), Phil’s wife, Roxy, Derek Morgan.

Pairing: Garvez, Phil x Lucille.

Note: Multichapter.

Legend: 💏😘😈👓🔦🐶❗👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💍🎈.

Song mentioned: Via con me, Paolo Conte.

Meteorology- Masterlist

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

@itsdawnashlie there it is! ❤🌞

SUN

The sun illuminates the night, it doesn’t turn it into light

(Antonio Porchia)

 -

Before you met her there was nothing.

Before her there was nothing but darkness. Life was not worth living.

Since you are together, everything has changed. You always look at the phone in search of a message that will tear off your usual ridiculous smile. You've decided to say it to the team, you wouldn't have been able to keep it hidden, move on to subterfuge. So, the day after that of the storm you present yourself by holding hands and everyone looks at you strangely. JJ is the first to applaud.

-I knew it! -and she runs to embrace your girlfriend; you realize it's the first time you think about her that way, and it's beautiful. -You must tell me everything- then the blonde feels your gaze on her and hurries to point out: -Well, not really

everything, you can keep the details for you.- everyone laughs out. Then comes the boss. You increase the grip on her hand.

-Did I miss something?- Emily looks at her coworkers one by one and then she notices that detail. She can't avoid smiling in turn.

-If the rule "not fraternize with colleagues" is still valid, I'm resigning instantly.- you announce, surprising even Penelope, with whom you have not spoken of this possibility. -There's always a place for me in task force. I'm willing to give up this job though I like this team. But her, no, I don't give up. - you feel the emotion in her eyes when you look at her for a second. And the cries of your female colleagues, all except Prentiss.

-I've made this regulation. And I'm the only one who has had a story with a "colleague."- Rossi intrudes. -It's no longer in force. As long as you prove that your report doesn't affect the way operations are done and resolved.- you both nod hurry.

Then start the saga of the recommendations, all to you, obviously. You are intimated not to ever hurt her, otherwise you’ll be kicked in the bottom, fired, and so many other tortures you prefer not to remember, the most creative, of course, that elaborated by Reid.

It's another thing to go home with her instead of alone. Gradually she stops more and more often to sleep from you so that you can finally find the courage to make the proposal: -Would you like to live with Roxy and me?- she replies with a laugh because you first nominated the dog but then she grabs you for the neck, kissing you passionately and scandalizing some pensioners who just wanted to grocery shopping.

Every single banal activity becomes magnificent with her company. Even wash the dishes. Make the cleaning. And slowly the walls assume a different, more colorful appearance. They fill out the photographs of the various travels you have made together. Souvenirs founded through America that you bring at her from every mission, transforming tragic events into something positive. It's always the flour of her sack, Penelope's merit, of course: only she could find the way to create positive energy even from the evil.

And both of you talk so much, in these months. Compensate everything you haven't said since at other you met. You tell the past of each other and you become aware of the aspiration of a common future. Even though it's early and you have rush thing. You can't imagine a life without her.

You discovered that you're both orphans, even if she was 18 years old; but in part this she had already told you, the first time you had taken the elevator together, since you had been doing it for the Spanish surname that didn't corresponded to her Nordic appearance. She tells you about the car accident, the anguish and the guilt, the therapies she had followed, including the theater, and it became clear how it's a trauma not overcome, which, in spite of the outside joy, determines all her action. She tells you that long ago a man shot her, and she risked dying, only for a few inches didn’t take the main artery; you find it inconceivable and you remain speechless. Yet she adds that she had never hated him, though his death had given her a relief, which had quickly come to repentance. Just as she had been able to feel pity for another guy who could have killed Reid if she had not taken the boy's gun and fired with it; to the point of to go to attend his execution. You have further evidence of her incredible, inhumane personality, closer to that of the angels.

And she changes you, in the only acceptable way that a person is right to change herself for another: it's a spontaneous process, long and no less suffered. You notice it almost suddenly, in front of the most trivial things. Every opportunity that would be good to let your critical side prevail, and almost (without almost) cynical, is neutralized by her presence. Even taking a public vehicle in her company, it's something profoundly different than doing the same to yourself.

-All those young people sitting and the elderly standing.- you mutter in a low voice, or so you think so. Penelope touches your arm and smiles, a melancholy smile certainly not exalted as in other situations.

-They're still little, they're in that selfish phase in which everything revolves around them. You're a profiler, you should know it well- you don't given her reason, but nether you don't blame her. There is another possibility when it's time to comes down.

-Is the society that sucks.- roll off your tongue a second before you getting a crushed  foot. You grit your teeth, feeling her inquisitor look (what she had accused you of) at you and you take back the not nice epithet that were already stroking your lips, asking for permission to go out.

There is an old lady placed right in front of the doors. And it's clear that this isn't her stop, indeed she remains overslept as other people pass by, but you can't overcome her. And at the same moment when your mind is loaded with negative images, your girlfriend approaches the woman and asks, in a gentle tone: -Excuse me.-

 You're not the only one to talk, even he tells you about his life before he met you, about the loss of his mother and before the death of his father. How much he was stiff, perfectly in line with his wife's Catholicism, but however, they were able to pull on two little children pestiferous in the love, which never missed. He tells you about his frustrations and the visceral hatred that he had come to feel not only for the military body, but all over the system of law enforcement. And you struggle to believe him, thinking of how you knew him, what others have told you about him: proud ranger, always on the front line in the worst war zones. And he sees it, that uncertainty in your eyes, but he doesn't get angry. He calmly tells you that he has been in some trouble when he was a teenager, and about her mother's decision to send him into a kind of reformatory, obviously military. The early months, tragic, the jokes of the big ones, the rising early to him who liked so much to sleep in the bed; until, like had been pushed a button, his entire vision of the world had radically changed. And he began to appreciate the ritual of day-to-day scans of the tasks entrusted to him, lunches and dinners in the community, everyone ate the same thing, no matter what degree of scale they belonged to. Loyalty and trust. He met Phil, his best friend. You immediately realize that him is a fundamental person for Luke, but there is something that obscures that relationship, a kind of melancholy that pervades his voice as he describes him.

Philipp Powell is of his own age, has been married to Lucille for five years but has never been able to have children. The blame is by an "accident", such he wants to call it, which made Phil virtually impotent, but in any case, unable to generate offspring. He's sympathetic, very sarcastic, too much at times, and his main passion is to torment him to find a girlfriend.

-Now he'll finally be satisfied.- he says, interrupting the narration. But you're more interested in knowing what incident has happened to him, although it's clear that this is a hot button, a nerve that would be better not to touch. Between you two, however, if you want it to work, there must be no more secrets, you have to be completely yourself, for better or worse.

Then you ask it explicitly. -What happened to him?- but he doesn't seem to be able to answer. So, you take his hand between yours. And then you pose it right above your heart. He closes his eyes for a moment, you hear him swallow. He's terrified, not only scared. - What are you scared, Luke? What is it you don't want to tell me? Have you not yet understood that there is nothing that can change what I feel for you? Even if you in war had done something terrible. I know you're a good man, I feel it and that's enough for me.- gradually your voice goes out, until it becomes unmistakable, little more than a whisper. -I'm a hacker. How much time do you think it takes me to type the few data I have and find the solution lonely?- he shudders and tries to get away.

At one time, just a year ago, this gesture would have hurt you to the point that you wouldn't be able to complete the mission. You would be keeping in yourself and you would have left him alone to enjoy his pain. But met him, fall in love with him and not only, probably has changed you to the point that you don't have the slightest intention of giving up and let him go smoothly. You'll pull out his pain, even if you should use the hard way. It's your job, to make him happy. -I don't need to do a search to say that what has hurt Phil also hit you. I told you about my trauma and my problems, but if you aren't in the mood to done the same ... okay, I'll respect your silence.- you lie only partially. -But you'll let me at least say that this not help, certainly not help a relationship that has just blossomed.- told this you turn your back at him, a trick of kids that is extremely effective.

-Did not you really read my file?- he asks after less than a second, getting no reaction from you. -Well, I surrender.- he decrees the yield, making your back coincide with his chest. As usual it fantastically warm. He shoots the rest of the words straight on your skin. -Daniel Cullen.- just a name. -Do you remember him?- How to forget the traumatized boy who had been convinced by Scratch to be the Crimson King? The same evening, coming back from the case, was the first time you picked up the elevator together. -You'll know that I caught him in the act. The act was that he was opening Phil in two. I saw it. I can't take those pictures out of my mind. Except when we make love.- he adds the last part almost giggling, but too serious to let himself go.

-You feel guilty.- you just finish the sentence, without much effort. You turn your head at his direction and you try to decipher his gaze.

-I want you to know him. He already know of your existence, I've tormented him a lot to talking about you, and I'm sure he's going to love you as much as I do.- now you're the one who pulls away from him. Not having neither parents-in-laws to meet, his friend become the trial by fire you don't feel able to overcome. He's the most important person for him. Not get along with him would mean compromising everything. Luke also reads easily in your thoughts or perhaps, much more likely, in your attitude. -It will be great, you'll see. Also, because, unless there is a case, we're invited on Friday night for dinner. - panic. And hope; but you can't get to the point of want unsub kills, kidnap or traumatize people just because you literally feel bad to the idea of meeting your best friend.

You realize that in the next few days and the day before at the event. And that gives you the strength to face it. Beginning with the choice of clothes (tragedy n* 1), shoes (tragedy n* 2), hair styling (tragedy n* 3). In the end you still feel inadequate, but Luke forces you to get in the car and he makes sure you can't run away.

He holds you firmly by the hand, until the door opens, and a brunette woman looks attractive but not exaggerated, greeting your boyfriend with a quick, chaste hug and two kisses on his cheek; surprisingly, find yourself out of jealousy and this make you feel strange but proud of yourself. Then her attentions move on you. -You have to be the famous Penelope.- she emphasizes that word, teasing Luke and making you feel at ease. -Phil is cooking pasta.- she explains.

He laughs, obviously there is information that escapes you, but the man is getting ready to fill the void. -It's a kitchen maniac, a real obsessive. You can't even imagine his frustration about not being able to cook when we were in Afghanistan.- Philipp's wife, Lucille, looks up to heaven as if to confirm your boyfriend's words. Then she goes to the kitchen, where a man on the wheelchair is mix the sauce. When he hears the unusual noise of the heels, however, turns to you. He has a delicate face that you would never have expected and despite his paralysis he looks strong and confident. -Hey, brother, look who I brought you? She really exists, I'm not invented her.- Luke pushes you forward, like a sort of banner.

Man scrutinizes you carefully, you feel naked under his gaze, examined thoroughly. Finally, he gives you his hand that feel lukewarm, almost cold, unlike Luke's. -I'm really happy to do your knowledge, Penelope. You explain me how do you endure this hillbilly?- he receives a glance and a funny hit from the latter. -You see it? It's also a jerk! - everyone laughs out.

So, spend one of the quietest and less worrying evenings of your life, or rather an evening spent not alone or with coworkers, but with strangers (more or less) to that life. And you never talk of cases, but of everything else. You see sincere interest in what you tell them, such as true is your curiosity about them. Without malice or intention to gossip.

Many hours later you are so excited and hyper that you force him to slide in you. The clock marks the three o'clock in the morning, the first time you give you a truce. But you're not satisfied, and he certainly doesn't go you away, so start a second round. In the end, when you decide that today is enough, today has become tomorrow, even if it was already when you started. The first pale rays of sunshine try to penetrate into your armor by blankets and braided bodies, projecting shadows on your almost immoveable silhouettes.

[nothisis-ridiculous]

A Most Unholy Inquisitor Ch. 31

Another Inquisitor Trevelyan Story.

With negative amounts of Andraste’s knickers!

Featuring Guinevere Trevelyan, and The Gang.

"Just a few extra pinches to be sure, this kind of thing is risky enough. They'll kill me if it isn't." "Opaque silks brushing milky skin. I shouldn't look, but I can't help it." "This isn't her, he begs. She couldn't do this, sharp dagger being turned on flesh. Not hurting, protecting." "Words, too many of them in the dead of night. The birds are upset, uneasy, eying the tower." "It doesn't feel right. Wrong, dazed, whirling thoughts that aren't mine." "It sings, a song corrupted. A song he doesn't want to remember." "They are renewed. But with a different face, a face he doesn't want in that place. It belongs in a different place." "The ground didn't like being awoken. It had pride in the shoots that sprouted. Ruined by a heavy fall." Lelianna's hair dragged through short hair, nails digging into her scalp. The boy was trying, but in his way, it was equally unhelpful. "Thank you, Cole. That was... Helpful?" She should have left off the question. "Yes." He was gone.

She hadn't asked for him, but the spirit appearing with something was none the less useful. Or to an extent it could be, placing the thoughts was going to be essential to explaining what had happened just hours ago. A few she knew, and another she thought to disregard. But now it was the time to start her interrogations, it felt too early. Solas was in and out of her attention quickly; the Inquisitor had merely walked through the rotunda followed by a servant. It was out of the norm, and people who intruded in his space even more strange. He was not used to such company, and especially at a late hour. It was nothing new to note. Morrigan was little difference in terms of investigating, her and Kieran had felt something off, inserting themselves into the drama of the night. Ser Delrin Barris sat nervously, his head bowed. He was the stranger thrown into the mix of a very personal affair. "So, The Herald walked out of her room?" "Yes," his throat bobbed, "I called after her, and she didn't respond. I thought it strange." "That is strange, even for her sleepwalking," Lelianna breathed deeply, " but my question is why you followed?" Delrin shook his head, green eyes focusing on the ground. His foot drug against the stone, warring against the words that wanted to come out. Whatever it was, he didn't want to say it. Was it guilt? Shame? "It, she, something was like," the Templar straightened in his chair, "like the red lyrium at Therinfal Redoubt, I know it sounds like madness. But I would swear my life on it." His fist finally unclenched, gaze flickering up to meet her inquisitive prodding. "Interesting," not what she expected, or entirely pertinent to the case, something significant was missing. Her head swam with the inconsequential details of that night: an accident involving a fall, a drunken row between visiting nobles, and a stolen compass. Now the scent of red lyrium? More things to question. The Herald returning usually meant a little more activity, but this was insane. "Thank you, Knight Commander. I think that is all I needed," Lelianna stiffened, "I don't have any more questions." Her next witness was Cullen. But only the second to the last person she wanted to question about the events of the previous night. Instead of forcing him into her territory she agreed on neutral ground, the sitting area above the smithy. The Commander wanted to avoid his office, and the Spymaster thought that best. Lest the memories overtake the man as she tried to form a clearer picture. The Commander sat rigidly, perfectly balanced and elbows meeting the table at ninety degrees. Amber eyes smoldered but looked only in the direction of something just over her shoulder. Lelianna knew how little the man slept, but for once he reflected it. Expertly tamed hair sat just askew, stubble millimeters longer than he had the patience to let it be, and heavy bags weighed underneath his eyes. HIs breath was shallow, barely masking the injuries he stubbornly tried hiding behind metal plates. "Commander, I-" "Please forgive my breach of decorum," he vomited, "I will vow to do my best to listen to any future commands given. I accept whatever punishment is necessary." "That won't be needed. It was a hard time for everyone involved." The Commander's shoulders released the barest hint of tension, "what do you need to know?" "I'd like to go back to the early evening, had you seen the Inquisitor prior to the incident?" The corner of his lips turned for an instant, " Briefly, I had hoped to steal her attention." Lelianna suppressed a giggle, but couldn't help but issue a knowing look, "had anything seemed off?" "We, we hardly spoke," Cullen cleared his throat, red threatening at his neck, "she was tired from her journey. I left after she had expressed this." "You what?" The accusation misplaced for the seriousness of the conversation, but she could not keep it from escaping. "Maker's breath," his throat cleared again, "I offered to send for her bath, before leaving, and that was all." The spymaster nodded, placing her hands on the rough table clasping them tightly together, "and later that evening?" Any hint of positive emotion left him bereft, eyes returning to the pained burning of a man trapped, " Guinevere visited my office. Not, not that it was uncommon that she did so. The Inquisitor was quieter than usual, but not long enough for me know anything was wrong. Until I felt the knife at my back." Lelianna prompted him onwards with a nod. "Rather than, then" he stopped, blinking rapidly before let out a sharp sigh, "she screamed. She clutched the dagger in her hands, and there was blood. I panicked and pushed her away, after disarming her of course. I didn't mean to send her toppling over the desk." She didn't need his guilt over actions taken in the heat of the moment, but neither would she try and push it away. Instead, another thread would suffice, "how did she end up with refined lyrium? Was it one of your philters?" "Yes, as you know, I keep one in case-" Cullen decided to stray from the subject with a winge, "once I had the dagger, I felt her build up an attack. I must not have been thinking, and... and reached for it. I just wanted to stop her. Andraste preserve me, I could not bear it if she had intended to betray me, the Inquisition like this." "Cullen it doesn't explain-" "It was as if something, as though she had-," he huffed, " she stopped me. The glass shattered in her hands, mixing with the lyrium dust." His voice descended as the horror of that memory overtook him. Fingernails dug against the grain of the wood, willing it to submit to his anxiety. " I knew to ingest only a small amount, I can't imagine her... a mage, surviving that pure, that..." His expression pulled taut, "what if she does not survive it? I can feel her; I can feel it pulsing no matter how far away I stay." Lelianna's hand sought his for comfort, letting it rest gently against his tensed digits. "She is being monitored. I promise we are doing all we can for her. Do not think the Maker will abandon her now." His eyes stopped mid-roll, shuffling to something of feigned interest on the floor, "don't keep word from reaching me about her condition. For ill, or better. I deserve this much." "I won't," she found herself meaning it. The Spymaster did not think so lowly of the Commander to think it would utterly destroy him to lose the Herald, but it would haunt him not to have the chance to say goodbye if the worst did happen. She would want that chance if the situation were reversed. "I do have a final question." "Yes?" he answered meekly. "Do you remember seeing a servant with her?" Cullen's head cocked, eyebrows knitting as they focused on the background details. Mouth opened and closed, but his fingers retracted and arms folded back into his lap. "N- yes. I lost sight of them after Guinevere had been... calmed." He meant retained by his salvaged Templar abilities. The discovery might have been more comforting it hadn't been in use against the one he loved. Hopefully, he wouldn't let it go to waste because of one terrible situation. It took several drawn-out moments to compose herself after the Commander had wandered far from sight. The mage was next if she could pull through the lyrium that ran like poison in her veins. —   —   —   —   —   —   —   —   — It was days before the mage came to any useful consciousness. She had been awake at the time the Commander was questioned but in a state so incoherent that she went unmolested. Save the Templar tasked with curbing any attempts at a discharge that could prove harmful. True to her word, and with a dash of kindness- she let the Commander have the first contact with the Herald. It was only going to be by minutes, but perhaps a stubborn couple could manage to patch some of the divides put between them. From the silence in the barren prison, little was happening, and she felt confident that she was not disturbing. Cullen pivoted, glowering as he sulked passed her. The mage's back remaining exposed to the cell bars. The air stifling. She sat cross-legged on the cold stone, waiting for those turquoise eyes to seek their next visitor. It was a couple of minutes, but her patience rewarded with the Herald turning to face her. A hand gripped the opposite arm. Eyes unwilling to meet her as they usually did, between the Inquisitor and herself things had never quite evolved passed awkward, but this was an entirely new level. 'Lady Inquisitor, I regret that I-" Lelianna's words stopped, watching the tears slither from the other woman's eyes. She should feel neutral, ready to weigh the facts without the additional bolstering of emotion behind it. At this point ruling out a betrayal by the Herald -no matter how hard she wished not to think so- was not yet possible. Neutrality was coming at a higher price than she had expected. A part of her cared more for the woman before her than she thought. After all, she had been a good friend of sorts. Not unlike Amelia who also liked to temper her more violent tendencies. Guinevere was granted as long as she required to regain her composure. Lelianna's eyes wandered to the necklace that laid in the opposite corner of the cell. "What do you need to know?" The Herald's voice was hardly more than a murmur. "Let's start with what happened before the incident, Cullen had visited you?" Guinevere flinched at the name, "he had. But he had nothing to do with, please, he had just surprised me." "Surprised you with what?" "A prepared bath. He was being sweet." "Who knew the Commander had such a soft side," she teased. The mage retreated, pulling her shoulders closer together walling herself away. She had managed another poorly timed joke. It had typically proved to be a way to get her guard to come down, but not this time. The chance was still worth trying. "How much did I hurt him? I saw the bandages," suddenly the mage looked at her, eyes filled with tears, "just tell me honestly. Please." "It won't help-" "Please, Lelianna, please." It was her turn to look away, to shrink. "Minor burns. From where he came in contact with you, without his armour as a ward it was extensive in span." It was in that moment she pinpointed the mage's disconnect from reality, eyes going vacant voice somber, "I didn't want to hurt him. It was a dream, just a dream. I was holding a knife, but that wasn't me. I held on to it, even as I felt myself try to..." If possible, Guinevere turned a shade paler. "I knew where I was aiming- it would have killed him." "What made you stop?" "It was like I woke up, like from some nightmare. But this time it was real, I was about to," any lapse her tears made had now resumed, "I don't want to think that was me. It can't be." "And the lyrium?" "I just reacted. I don't, can't recall much. Just pain, until nothing." —   —   —   —   —   —   —   —   — The sudden of that nothingness was the worst thing she had felt that night. Horror, dread, self-loathing... that was acceptable. But nothing? Nothing at all? As if she had found herself an impassive audience to the things she had done. The trust she had broken. She needed to be punished, not set into a world of numbness. Nothingness. Some part of her was angry. Despite the shame that coiled in her gut for daring to cry foul on her own person. She was afraid of that nothing. An old punishment used too frequently, and now by a man that had touched her in the most intimate of ways. To add insult, it was several times over, each time more violating than the last. How dare she have these thoughts? It had to be done, and there was no doubt in the necessity of the action. No person she would have trusted more to hold that leash. But that tether still kept her bound. "I have already arranged for you to leave Skyhold, within the hour. Varric, Cole, and Cassandra will accompany you." "But I-" She had scarcely spent a conscious day back within the walls of Skyhold. Months had gone by since seeing to the rest of her companions. How was Vivienne holding up? Bull? She had missed Dorian's sass. No time for simple pranks and easy laughter with Sera. Solas could be avoided, already seeing her in a sorry state. Blackwall would be awkward, but still, they had shared blood. Josie and her rumors unshared. Cullen... well, now that was a relationship feared to be in shambles. She missed being home.

[puppy-phum]

Small problems and something to call a future

Hi, guys! I feel like talking, want to tell about the things going on in my head. 

Games are killing me. I finished Final Fantasy XV a few days (almost a week now!) back and it made me a mess. I was ready for that but... Who am trying to fool, I wasn’t ready at all. I got so fond of my chocobros, all the laughter, all the silly and cute things that happened. And then the game just punched me with the angst and feels and dared to end! God dammit. The game was so pretty and I’d been waiting for it for ages and I loved it to the moon and back. My fave from the guys? Ignis. My precious tactician, the Mom™ of the team. I was devastated when he got hurt. Gladio made me hurt. Noctis deserved more. And Prompto, my sweet lil baby, deserved a thousand hugs. Also, somehow, I never stopped liking Ardyn. 

Now I’ve been trying to finish Mass Effect 3 while waiting for the new ME to launch. This will be the first time I finish the trilogy as a whole and my heart already hurts. I’ve gotten so attached to this stone-faced, deep-down-I’m-a-real-softie -guy aka my Shepard (I play with the default MShep). Especially Thane and Jack have taken their places from my far too soft heart. I’ve missed Kaidan. And I regret romancing Miranda bc breaking her heart was a tough choice. Every mission makes me so damn emotional. And god, the upcoming Andromeda? It looks gorgeous. Can’t wait to play it, get to see the new places, know what it’s all about (who’s the gay, that’s the real question here, right? :D). I’m so hyped! 

And, as this wasn’t enough for me already, I finally got time to watch the DA Inquisition Trespasser DLC’s playthrough. Am glad I can’t play it myself bc gosh, that was some deep stuff. And now I just want the DA4 to make its first appearance. How can we stop Fen’Harel? Who is gonna do it? Is Tevinter going to be a part of it? Is Dorian, my pretty sass master, going to appear again? And Iron Bull, that sweet guy... Don’t even let me started about him. 

Which gets me to the real problem here. All of these feels get my fic fingers tingling and oh boy, oh boy am I gonna go down with this. A fic about FFXV guys where Prompto gets taken and Ardyn actually owns a heart. A fic about my 15-year-old Inquisitor who will get his journey and meet the betrayal destined for him, just watch me. And god, I never thought I would end up going from one youtuber hell to another but here I am. In the middle of all these Septiplier thoughts. Following the drama going on from the sidelines. Following the hype. Two ideas stuck in my head (feel free to ask about them if ya want to, I won’t speak of them here)  I just need my English to improve and gather my courage bc I have one fic almost ready to go. I just want to get my school wrapped up first. 

Which leads me to: my final exams. Am gonna graduate and it scares me. I’m glad it’s over, that all this studying and stressing and waiting finally ends but... This is going to be the end. I’m not ready to leave my friends, those that have grown into me and been my family. My bestie who has been with me over 10 years. And my girlfriend who has made me feel so damn special. But at the same time, I’m super excited. I get to start everything over, get to do me now. I got a place from the UK, from a university I’ve thought about a long time now. Studying things that really interest me. I’m just so happy. Happy and scared. (Never thought that combination would sound right.)

So, mm... That’s it, I guess. I really want to try everything new now. Want to write, maybe want to share my university experience here. Maybe want to share the anxiety of being separated from all that’s familiar. If any of you have similar things going on right now, feel free to share! Thank you for reading.

~ V  

P.S. Expect some changes with the blog. Nothing serious, though.