#and i know they're trying to say look how messy emotions are yes true but they've way past that

[loominggaia]

Character Analysis: Alaine Fontaine

There's an interesting aspect of Alaine's character that I'd like to explore more. It's the fact that at a glance, she seems like this charismatic party-girl who can seduce or charm her way out of any situation. But take a closer look and the reality is quite different.

Alaine can be charismatic, but only on a superficial level. She can act and entertain and put on a good show. But that's just it: it's all a show. It's playing pretend. She's not being herself in these instances, she's just adopting fake personas that she's seen in media.

Once Alaine steps off the stage or clocks out of mercenary-mode, once she starts interacting with people more naturally, you quickly realize...wow, she actually has terrible social skills. She's paranoid, awkward, emotionally volatile, she has no friends outside of work, and she's even admitted that she's never had a real date before because she doesn't know how to seduce people naturally, she only knows how to solicit her body.

And that isn't surprising at all, considering she spent ages 8-18 in a brainwashed stupor, only learning what the Aquarian Alliance wanted her to learn: Combat. Endurance. Sabotage. And of course, unwavering loyalty to her faction.

Alaine's partying, messiness, and wild behavior is her act of rebellion against that brainwashing. Getting drunk, getting high, having unsafe sex with whoever, getting in fights...This is not necessarily what she wants to be doing, but what she's compelled to do to distance herself from being a brainwashed drone for 10 years. She believes this behavior is her choice, not realizing that her "choice" is still being influenced by the Alliance and what they did to her. Her "choices" are really just emotional compulsions in response to trauma.

She's afraid to act naturally around strangers, so the types of "lovers" she attracts don't see her as a person, just some disposable object to be used. She can't drop these shallow, plastic personas in public because she doesn't feel safe enough to do so. She was brainwashed for so long and she missed so many growth milestones, she has a very brittle sense of self. She likes to shout from the rooftops about how awesome and capable she is all the time, but she's trying to convince herself more than anyone. Deep down, she's terribly insecure.

The only time she behaves naturally is around her crewmen. They're her closest allies, the few who have tolerated her volatile behavior and painstakingly earned her trust over the years. And even around them, she still puts on a front most of the time, only showing her true feelings when she's pushed to her emotional limit.

Glenvar is the closest thing Alaine has ever had to a boyfriend, and their relationship is...unstable, to say the least. Yes, half of that is due to his drinking and immaturity, but the other half is due to Alaine's insecurity and poor social skills. She can strategize battle tactics all day long, but god help her strategize her way out of an awkward social situation. She was never taught how to grow up, to regulate her emotions, or to nurture relationships. She was taught only how to sabotage and destroy everything around her, including herself.

Throughout the series, Alaine has shown a strong desire to find out who she really is. Her strongest character trait is her perseverance, so I don't see her ever giving up on her goals. She has already shown some personal growth throughout the series and it's far from over, so who knows how far she'll go in her journey of self discovery?

[evocatiio]

It genuinely stresses me out a little when tv shows write a character that has so many borderline toxic traits but is portrayed as the "good nice guy" within the narrative like you're telling me a whole collaborative effort between cast and crew and no one is able see how fucked up that is???

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Coach (1)

Fandom: Dylan O'Brien

Pairing: AU Dylan x Fem!Reader

Mini series summary: Being a newly single mom of two kids wasn't exactly easy. And love wasn't exactly part of your agenda. So, should you avoid lusting over your son's baseball coach? Absolutely. But with a man like Dylan, could you really resist? Probably not.

Warnings: nothing major yet, small sexual innuendo, mentions of cheating and divorce

WC: 1.9k

A/N: a yes, to those who have been following me for a while may recognize this title, it's my old Dylan AU fic. Yes I decided to continue it. Updates will come periodically, because I write spontaneously and I cant guarantee quick updates. But I do promise I wont wait a whole year to update. And since I did some slight updates in the first 2 parts I decided to archive the old ones and repost them again. So yeah, if you've read them before great, give it another read, my writing is much better now I promise and if you're new welcome, I hope you like this mini series.

(You are here, part 2, part 3)

Dylan stood by the side of the large field, near the home plate, occasionally yelling out suggestions and pointing out mistakes to the young boys. 

"Ezra! You have to watch the ball! C'mon! I know you can do better!" He called out to the blonde boy standing on the home plate with a bat in hand. Dylan then turned his attention to the dark haired boy with the baseball mitt and ball in hand.

"Roman! What's going on, buddy? You gotta focus, alright? You gotta work on that throw!" Dylan called out to the young boy, who half nodded and sighed heavily in response.

Not long after, Dylan signaled the young boys scattered throughout the large field to gather around. He spoke some encouraging words to the boys before allowing them to disperse and gather their equipment which meant practice was over.

Your son, however, stayed behind for a minute. There was an inaudible conversation happening between Dylan and your ten year-old, Roman. You watched from the bleachers as your son made some tired gestures at his coach followed by a small pat on the back from Dylan. You couldn't help but follow them with your eyes as they made their way to the bleachers, your eyes lingering a bit too long on the brown haired coach. An action that wasn't taken lightly by the female sitting beside you.

"You're staring at him again." Your best friend, Ezra's mother, Eliza -or just Liz, commented.

"I'm not." You muttered out quickly, tearing your eyes away from the handsome coach, your mouth hanging open for a couple of seconds. "I wasn't staring." You stated matter of factly and shrugged as you looked down at the small six year-old sitting on your lap, making sure she wasn't paying attention to the conversation.

"Really? The drool coming from your mouth says otherwise." Liz playfully ran her finger across your chin, pretending to wipe away at it. You slightly glared at her, an eye roll going her way.

"I'm not drooling. I wasn't even staring." You tried to defend yourself, making a small sassy gesture to her.

"Hey, I don't blame you. If I wasn't married," she took a pause as she eyed Dylan as he removed his baseball hat to run a hand through his messy chocolate locks, you couldn't help but stare as well. "I'd jump on his bones any day."

"Hey, there's young ears present." You said quietly to Liz as not to disturb the young girl in your arms.

Despite your attempt not to, you couldn't help but allow your eyes to fall once again on the field, following the handsome male that was the topic of your conversation. You had to hide the infatuated sigh that left your lips at the sight of your son's coach running around the field, talking to the kids and picking up equipment.

"Well he is handsome, I'll give him that.." You admitted quietly, "and he's really good with the kids."

Your friend smirked slightly at your words and wiggled her eyebrows at you.

"I bet that's not the only thing he's really good at." She eyed you suggestively and slightly nudged at you with her shoulder, "You should find out what other things he's good at."

Your mouth instantly fell open and your eyes widened at the insinuation.

"Eliza! Oh, my god. Don't say that." You slightly shook your head to brush off the embarrassment and hid your face on your hands to cover the crimson on your skin.

"Mommy you're warm!" Athena, your six year-old giggled as she grabbed your warm, sweaty hands. Even your daughter noticed the nervousness that crept up on you when it came to Dylan, even if it was just the topic of him. Truth was, you had been shamelessly crushing on your son's baseball coach ever since he joined the team a couple of months ago. 

Get it together, you should not be crushing on your son's baseball coach.

"I know baby, it's just hot out here." You tried to brush it off, but the knowing smirk on Liz's face wasn't exactly helping. "Thena, why don't you go get Roman and Ezra? They're over there." You pointed to the field where Roman and Ezra were talking —or more like just Ezra was, to the other kids on the team. She quickly nodded and bolted off the bleachers, somehow not tripping over the steps as she went down. You sighed heavily the moment the young girl was far enough and slightly turned your head in Liz's direction.

"You should totally ask him out." She said out of nowhere with a shrug and a smirk on her face. Your eyes widened for the hundredth time, and you instantly shook your head frantically, the idea alone giving you a headache.

"Ask Dylan out? No way. I.. No.. That's just.. No." Your cheeks slightly heat up at the preposition. But you quickly turned it down with a vigorous shake of your head, not even giving the idea a minute to sink into your brain. "No, he's Roman's coach. It's just wrong."

"Why? I mean, you're single, and as far as I know, he's very single. Soo," she dragged the 'o' as she wiggled her eyebrows and she nudged your shoulder, pushing you over a little in a high school girl manner, "Why not get ready to mingle with the hot coach?"

"First of all, I'm technically not single, not yet." You groaned with an eyeroll. As much as you and your husband —or ex-husband or whatever were no longer living together, the divorce process had been unnecessarily long and dreadful. So as much as you wanted to be legally single, you were still married to that piece of shit. 

"And second of all, if I were to date someone, which is a big if, I can't date Roman's coach out of all people. He already has enough as it is. It'll just confuse him and probably upset him more." You sighed heavily as you looked over to the side of the field, where all the boys were having a conversation about elementary boys' things. And there you saw your son, trying, and ultimately failing at joining said conversations. And with little Athena tugging at his side, all he got from the other kids was laughing and rejection.

Seeing your son's sad and hurt expression when the other boys laughed at him or even told him to go away broke your heart. You wanted him to be happy again. You wanted him to be the energetic and loving kid he was before your waste of a husband left. Ever since Ryan —your waste of a husband left, Roman hasn't been the same. 

For the past six or so months, he has been distant and seemingly unhappy. All he ever did was lock himself up in his room and play video games. He barely ever interacted with you and Athena anymore. He barely interacted with anyone, period. Once Ryan left, it was up to you to support your kids financially. Of course, their father still paid child support, but he sure as hell didn't pay your bills or everything you needed to spend on your children. Which meant you had to take him out of the fancy school he went to in order to still pay the monthly expenses of your home. And he just didn't quite fit in at school, especially now. 

So, you hoped that him joining the baseball team would change that, that it would help him open up again and that it would help him make new friends. But so far, it's worked just the opposite.

"So, I'm making dinner tonight. Do you want to come over with the kids and get drunk? Luke will watch over the kids." Liz spoke, interrupting your train of thought.

"That sounds a-mazing," you spoke in a song-like tune, a sigh of contentment leaving your lips. "But I can't. I told Roman I'd take him to that Italian place he likes."

"Tomorrow then. I'll have that Chardonnay you love so much waiting for you." She winked at you as you both stood up, ready to greet your children.

"Thank God for your alcohol stash." You joked, flinging your arms up in praise. 

You both laughed and smiled in your children's direction, but your smile dropped as your kids and Ezra approached you. Ezra was holding Athena's hand, while Roman walked behind them, with a certain heaviness on his step and an annoyed look on his face. And Athena had a small pout on her face.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Rome doesn't want to hold my hand!" Athena whined with a pout of her lower lip. She released Ezra's hand and exchanged it for your own. Ezra going to his own mom. While Roman simply stood there, with a hand stuffed into his pockets and the other messing with the strap of his bag, his gaze stuck on the ground.

"Roman, baby," you sighed softly, not wanting to give the poor kid a hard time. You understood he didn't exactly fit in, no matter how much he wanted to, and that upset him. You didn't want to add up to that. "Your sister just wanted you to hold her hand."

"She was embarrassing me.. I'm already the kid without a dad, I don't need to be the kid with an annoying  baby sister." He muttered, his gaze not once leaving the ground.

 His words were harsh, but lacked emotion. And it broke your heart. But as much as you wanted to tell him that it wasn't true, that he did have a dad, you'd be lying if you did. Ryan was already absent in your children's lives before the split, but at the same time he was there, and Roman felt as if he was. But now, his father really wasn't there, at all. And there was nothing you could do about it.

You sighed softly, gesturing your free hand out for him, "Roman, come here," a heavy sigh left the young boy's lips as he took a few steps closer, standing in front of you with his head hanging low and his eyes stuck to the ground. You used your hand to hold the side of his face, his eyes meeting with your own. "Baby, Thena just wanted to show you that she loves you. She didn't mean to embarrass you, right Thena?" You turned your attention to the small girl that hid behind your arm, her eyes glistening with tears.

The small girl sniffled and shook her head, "No.. I'm sorry Rome.. I won't do it ever again, I-I promise."

You exchanged looks between your children, your eyes finally landing on Roman as you waited for a response. You raised an eyebrow at him, your eyes speaking a silent 'and' to the boy. He eventually signed, almost too heavily, and nodded. 

"It's okay, I guess.. I don't really mind all that much." He half smiled, shrugging slightly.

Athena's expression quickly lightened, the small girl detached herself from your hand and hugged her older brother. And as much as he hated to admit it, he didn't mind the affection. He returned the hug and smiled, for a moment at least.

After a second or two, Roman slightly pushed Athena off him, signaling that that had been enough affection for a day. You breathed out softly, turning to look at Liz, who gave you a sympathetic smile in response. 

"Well my loves, off we go. Say goodbye to Auntie Liz and Ezra." Both your children did as you said. Athena hugging both of them, and Roman simply waving at them. Good enough.

And at last, you gave Liz a quick but tight hug, "I'll call you tomorrow." You said shortly before you grabbed a hold of your daughter's hand and your son's bag, and eventually parted ways.

Today was gonna be a long day.

《Here's an edited version of part 1. As always I hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm trying to get back into writing after a long year, hopefully this will help me get back on track. Let me know your thoughts. And let me know if you'd like to be added to my dylan/coach taglist which I do have》

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Let's Analyze - Alec in CoFA

So, I’ve been seeing plenty of discourse on two of my mutual’s blogs about this topic… so I thought I’d sit down and write another analysis post about my beloved Alec Lightwood cause people are still giving him shit for a book that came out ten years ago 🤦‍♀️

This is gonna be in two parts, and I'm putting both under the cut:

PART 1 - ALEC’S INSECURITIES 

So, the first part - how Alec’s insecurities drove him to saying stupid things in CoFA

A quick disclaimer - I’m NOT blaming Alec alone for his and Magnus’s break up. What happened was pretty complicated, and the blame cannot be put on one person alone. 

That said, let’s start with Magnus and Alec’s early ‘official’ relationship, in trsom.

These scenes are taken from only the first part of the book, but I’m pretty sure they’re more than enough to get a sense of Alec’s insecurities and all the chinks in their relationship. Throughout the entirety of trsom, we see more bits and pieces of Alec’s insecurities about Magnus’s sexuality, and his past and all the people he might have known - and that’s okay! Insecurities happen, cause brains are stupid like that.

But all of Alec’s insecurities could’ve been laid to rest with a simple conversation. But the conversation never happens. Magnus tends to deflect and change the topic every single time his past is brought up. I understand Magnus’s reasons for hiding his past, of course, but it doesn’t help his relationship with Alec. Magnus hiding a good chunk of his past will inevitably lead to Alec questioning himself - why is he so secretive? Why is he not telling me anything? Does he not trust me? ...and so on.

And when Alec is already feeling insecure in this relationship, this happens - (sorry about the terrible cropping btw)

And then later, while Magnus is talking to Camille,

Now… when people are insecure about something, they get irked at the smallest of things. I’m saying this as an insecure person myself. So now, you've got Alec, who's insecure as fuck, and his vacation with the person he loves got cut short by his ex who refuses to talk to anyone but him, and when they get there, his lover and his lover's ex seem to have obvious chemistry, he gets hit with the reality that his lover has dated several, probably even hundreds of people before him; and he has to leave them alone in a room so they can talk, and then he hears the ex basically just list all his shortcomings - i.e, his mortality, his appearance is compared to some random dead guy (sorry, Will) whom your lover had a crush on, which is just weird, and when you've had enough and open the door, it's to see your lover and his ex, standing close as fuck, and he's! touching! her! face! and! looking! into! her! eyes!

*takes a sip of water* yeahhhh... Alec was straight up having a bad day.

And at this point, a) Alec is still in his first relationship. He didn't get to navigate romance when he was younger, and while there's nothing wrong with that, there weren't exactly cutesy presentations titled 'how to keep your relationships healthy' floating around the internet. Heck, he didn’t know the internet. He didn't know that he had to communicate with Magnus, and it doesn't help that boy avoids conversations about feelings like the plague. And b) at this point, Alec would be facing several negative emotions - insecurity, obviously. Hurt. Helplessness, because of his mortality. Fear, that he might not live up to Magnus’s past lovers. Jealousy at seeing Magnus and Camille so close.

Negative emotions like these often tend to show up as anger or sorrow... and in Alec’s case, that would be anger. Which leads us to THIS- (🙈)

*sighs in second-hand embarrassment*

*drinks more water*

*this is gonna be so hard aksjakak*

So. Alec dealt with his insecurities... by being a mean, mean bitch to Magnus :/

Let's break this scene down, slowly, bit by bit.

First, Alec cuts into a conversation between Magnus and Jordan, when Magnus mentions Woolsey Scott, followed the rest of that particular page. To Alec, he's just a figure from Magnus’s past, and a possible lover, though in Alec’s defense Woolsey Scott WAS Magnus’s lover. This is the first instance that we see in which Alec lashes out at Magnus. It seems like he's trying to make a point to Magnus - "I don't know anything about your past, and so I don't know who you've had romances with, but I want to know." Except he makes his point in the worst way possible and ends up slutshaming Magnus.

The "What's true?" line, in response to Jordan saying "so it's true what they say about warlocks, then?" is pretty obvious. Alec is clearly not liking the idea that this random werewolf might know about warlocks, and in particular, his Warlock boyfriend.

Next... ooh boy... Alec basically snaps and in the next few paragraphs accuses Magnus of wanting to flirt with others which... is not a good look on ya honey 😕. These lines are the ones that get him accused of being biphobic... but is he really? I'm gonna talk about that in part 2.

So, in the first paragraph, where Alec makes the comments about Jordan, I find his choice of words pretty... interesting, seeing as 'messy-haired', 'broad-shouldered' and 'chiseled-good-looks' are all used to describe Alec in the series. Not sure if its relevant, but definitely interesting.

And in the next one, where Alec says, "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" The 'apparently' makes me curious. In rsom, Alec mentions that he's only recently heard of the term bisexual, and there's plenty of time between rsom and cofa, so Alec should be absolutely sure of atleast the basic meaning of bisexuality. But I'm pretty sure it's just inconsistency on cc's part, since if rsom didn't exist, this book would be the first time Alec learns about Magnus’s bisexuality. (Which is obvious when you look at the scene after Magnus reveals that Camille is his girlfriend.) And as for the second sentence, I feel like it's a fallback to earlier in the book when Magnus says (I'm just gonna write the dialogue from memory), "I've dated men, women, warlocks, faeries, vampires, werewolves and even a djinn or two." Here, Alec is angry, and he takes the knowledge that Magnus has dated a variety of people and once again, lashes out.

Looking at all of it together, Alec’s insecurities are definitely a factor in all of this. We know Alec has pretty low self esteem in tmi, and he keeps having irrational thoughts about someone else grabbing Magnus’s attention, like in the trsom scene I've posted above. And he ends up taking out his insecurities on Magnus.

Was it wrong of Alec to say all those things to Magnus? Yes, absolutely. But looking back through all his scenes in cofa, it's easy to see how he could've fallen into the pit trap of emotions.

And before anyone says "but it wasn't addressed in the later books", it was, in CoLS. I’ve hit the image limit, so I'm just gonna type it out -

"[Magnus] said it would be better if he didn’t come. Apparently him and the Seelie Queen have some kind of history."

Isabelle raised her eyebrows.

"Not that kind of history," Alec said irritably. "Some kind of feud. Though," he added, half under his breath, "the way he got around before me, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Alec!" Isabelle dropped back to talk to her brother....

So, there. Alec makes yet another slutshaming comment, Isabelle overhears and is clearly not happy about it, and it's clearly implied that she talks to Alec about it. And Alec doesn't make any more slutshaming comments since then. Boy now knows what he did was wrong, and makes sure not to repeat it again.

Although, I do wish we had more than this. I wish we had more of Magnus and Alec talking about this argument, heck, even about all their arguments and the reasons they broke up, but you can't get everything you want, apparently :(

And now onto the next part...

PART 2 - IS ALEC BIPHOBIC?

The short answer, uh, no, not really.

The long answer.... would be complicated.

So, back in the day, when this discourse was at an all time high, I remember reading a bisexual person's essay about this topic, and they said that this comment from Alec - "or there are plenty of pretty girls here, since apparently your taste goes both ways. Is there anything you aren't into?" - would be a biphobic microagression.

According to Google, a microagression is "a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority".

And in Alec's case, IF his words were biphobic, they were completely unintentional. They were microagressive. Which is... still bad, of course, but it's more complicated than that.

If you look back on Alec's supposedly biphobic statements, they're more about Magnus’s hypersexuality and promiscuity than anything else. Yes, even the line i mentioned like two paragraphs ago. At first glance it may seem like a direct attack on Magnus’s sexuality, but think over the explanation I gave for the line and it will make sense. And a lot of people know that the whole 'bi people fuck around a lot and are cheaters' thing is a stereotype.

Now, it may seem like I'm going off topic here, but bear with me. I couple of days ago, I watched this video by chance. (Tw for the aids crisis and lots of biphobia, not from the narrator, if you wanna watch the video). Basically, back in the 1980s, bisexual men were scapegoated for spreading aids to the straight community and were vilified by popular media as being promiscuous scepters who would cheat on their wives with gay men and then give aids to their wives. (Yikes 😬). And since bisexuality was practically unheard of before all this (several bisexual activists have stated that all this shit, though unfortunate, pulled bisexuality out of the closet), it's safe to assume that this is how those stereotypes came to be - through 1980s propaganda.

But living with this propaganda is... a very limiting experience. The people who leaned and unlearned and fought against this propaganda are mostly US Americans who grew up with it, either the actual propaganda itself or passed down by their parents. But like I said, it's a very limiting experience. US is but one country out of many, and even for those living in the USA there's a chance that they grew up in a very hush-hush environment. People who grew up hearing all these stereotypes will see it as biphobia, while people who didn't - like Alec, and me, and several other people will not. A lot of people grow up with absolutely no knowledge of the queer community, and chances are that they'll be incredibly confused when a stereotype is pointed out to them, and they often get no more explanation than 'this is a harmful stereotype'. Queer experiences aren't the same for everyone, and while I respect the people who see this as biphobia, they should recognize that there are many people who won't see it that way.

I have seen bisexual people say that Alec's words were biphobic, and I've also seen bisexual people say that they weren't. Thus, there is no clear consensus about whether or not Alec was being biphobic. And like I said earlier, Alec grew up far, far away from mundane anti-queer bigotry. He was essentially a clean slate when it came to knowledge of eer microagressions of any kind, because microagressions and stereotypes are often incredibly specific, don't have anything to do with a person's race/sexuality/gender, etc. and will make zero sense unless you know the history behind them. To Magnus, who lived through the anti-bisexual scapegoating, the words would've definitely stung, but Alec didn't even know the implications he would be making with this words! Of course, the impact is greater than intention, and I imagine Magnus would sit Alec down one day and talk about all this history with him.

And idk if I can even blame cc cause the history of bisexual men is RARELY ever talked about, atleast on the internet.

Also, this scene in cofa is the only instance where he can be interpreted to be biphobic. Nowhere else in all of tmi, and even tec, do we see Alec express hatred or disgust or microagression towards bisexual people. If this was seen in a repeating pattern from Alec, one could argue that he's biphobic... but he isn't. Some might point to some of his internal thoughts in trsom to argue otherwise, but I believe that actions are superior than thoughts.

There's also the thing about unlearning prejudices, but in Alec's case there was hardly anything to be unlearned. The only prejudices he did pick up on were against himself, through vague homophobic comments from Robert.

P.S if you've read this far, I am legally entitled to compensation for thinking of cofa Alec for 48 hours. Put your favorite Alec moments in my askbox cause I wanna focus on his good side now. 😎

But yeah, the main thing here is that Alec has grown from his mistakes, apologized, and hasn't repeated this behavior at all.

And lastly, I just wanted to add - I don't think all this was unintentional on the author's part. She's grown up with the us American queer community, and has mentioned that she has bisexual friends, who have no doubt faced prejudices because of these stereotypes. I think she was trying to condemn making such statements, but a lot of people don't read between the lines and end up misinterpreting it and make both the character and her to be biphobic.

So... TLDR; was what Alec said biphobic? Maybe. It depends on who you're talking to. Is Alec, as a person, biphobic? Nope. Not at all. 😌

[rataltouille]

GEOMETRY OF THE HOLY MOON (1 AM): A SHORT STORY

GENRE: surrealism, literary fiction.

POV & TENSE: this little space is not enough for how wild the form is so i talk about this later!!

SETTING: a small desi village, 1924-25.

TONE: dreamy, unsettling, melancholic.

THEMES: faith vs reality, how people perceive others and how they perceive themselves, grief dealt the wrong way.

AESTHETICS: the splash of water on a quiet night, thick clouds obscuring the sky, rippling the moon’s reflection on the water. the intensity of a garden in spring, the emptiness of a dying town, the suffocation from being singled out. hands grazing lightly but never fully held. a lingering sadness behind your laugh. believing in things you shouldn't believe in. putting faith on a starless sky.

STAGE: completed first draft, 4085 words.

LOGLINE: a young boy, surrounded by loss, claims to talk to god. the story follows him and his conversations with this god, all while his village spies on him as he weaves his way around the two most crucial and lonely years of his life.

LITERAL LOGLINE: on today’s news let’s talk about a small backward town that hates sad little boys who worship god, even though the place is lowkey a cult!!

CHARACTERS:

THE SUMMER BOY: he’s around thirteen, and he’s very emotionally attached to his past. he lost his family at a young age to an unstable force, so he spends his time talking to himself. he’s a quiet, demure and sweet person, always willing to help others. he’s outwardly oblivious and sees only the good in people to a point where he doesn't understand when they’re trying to do him wrong. but! considering how the story [like a lot of my others] has themes of perception vs reality, it needs to be said that he isn't all that innocent. he’s rather impulsive and rash, never afraid of hurting himself [and thus accidentally harming others].

A GOD: is he real? do we even know if he’s an actual god? a very elusive figure despite having a lot of screentime. he’s a surprisingly humanised character and arguably the one with the most empathy. he has a soft spot for the boy and the two have a deep bond which is not common for a human and a god to have. you don’t get insight to what the other gods are like, but they’re implied to exist. this story has a very messy and hazy view towards religion and godhood and their nature towards humanity, and this vague figure, a dreamlike character, is proof enough of that.

THE VILLAGE: okay so in general these people suck. the village consists of, well, the village, but they’re very fluid in the way they appear in the story? as in for the most part they appear as a collective, a unit. one character, the summer boy’s “friend”, is somewhat separate considering he’s a pretty important character. it’s very hard describing this unit of a character but essentially they’re the main antagonistic force and they hate the protagonist for seemingly no reason.

WHAT GOES DOWN:

sometime around this time, the boy chances upon meeting his “god”, this being who lives up in the clouds and whom he talks with often, except you don't know if this god is real or not. that’s one of the recurring themes of this story: what’s real and what isn’t. it’s :) a fun time :) for sure :)

essentially Things Happen And It Only Gets Weirder. i cannot even try describing what happens because it’s all very spoilery but let’s just say that this is a very sad story but not even in a “this makes me cry” manner, but rather in a “this is so fucked up wtf why”. the prose of this is very, very hazy and thick, in a manner that’s both smooth and suffocating. there’s also a lot of moon and water imagery which we love. i love the atmosphere + the setting—colonial india— as it’s a subtle but key element to the plot.

FORM:

OKAY YES be prepared for the true colours of how unhinged i am. i apologize for the form brainrot.

POV: so in this story i really said “what if it had all three of the main povs... jk jk... unless 😳😳” and then proceeded to use all three povs. you’re probably wondering, how did i do that? WHY did i do that? and my answer to that is: 🙂

the first-person pov: the summer boy narrates in first person. his pov takes up about 40% of the story, and this is where we unlock family backstory + how he feels about the various forces playing into his life. he’s an extremely unreliable narrator and he knows it; his narration oscillates between very naive and very self-aware, and this effect is pretty disconcerting. the summer boy is kind of a walking contradiction and we love that conflict.

the second-person pov: a god narrates in second person. his pov takes around 20% of the story, and his scenes all involve his conversations with the boy. his pov is extremely detached, and suspends belief because he seems awfully made up. there’s an edge to the prose in his narration, where you know that something's off, but you can’t exactly pinpoint what.

the third-person pov: the villagers narrate, either as a collective, or as an individual figure, in third person. they take up the other 40% of the story, and there are so many different people and differing opinions with this, and every time we read a third person excerpt it’s a different person, and this is mostly used to add onto the different ways in which the boy is perceived. this is also where the structural part of the form gets really wacky.

STRUCTURE: if my story isn't told in vignettes is it my story though /j. gothm is told in vignettes, each one between 50 to 500 words. the first and second person bits are normal-ish vignettes, with straightforward narration. the third person vignettes, on the other hand, are super assorted. we have a lot of epistolaric sections— there’s a letter, a folk song [which was found around the summer boy], and most of the conversation is told as just plain dialogue without tags. there’s also a phone call transcript, and finally some normal chunks of prose. what am i doing wtf.

also to add onto this the story is told non-linearly. 😀 the only thing that keeps me from going insane is the fact that there are chronological tags before most vignettes [also the manner in which they're tagged differs from pov to pov. for example a few of the third person conversations are marked just as “sunday” or “thursday”, while the summer boy’s narration is marked with the full date and year]

in all this clownery i completely forgot to mention what the tense was [the way everything else was so complicated that i forgot tense was a thing lmao] and good news!! it’s the only sane thing about this story!! it’s told fully in present tense. thank everything.

AN EXCERPT:

okay i’m once again not sharing much because this will be submitted to litmags 🧞

[The boy is scrawny as always. He carries an air of diswant— even death had rejected him when the plague killed only his grandmother— but walks like he doesn’t notice. He smiles at them, jitters, and wipes his hand across his knees. Blood comes away in thin, translucent lines. He saves it on the kerchief he keeps tucked in his shirt, careful to dirty the cloth even more. The villagers scrunch their noses in disgust; who knew how old and rotten the kerchief was, or how long it had carried blood like the unwashed sword of a warrior?]

also by the way this excerpt is in square brackets because it is a third-person interjection in a vignette that is otherwise first-person [at this point...]

SPARE THOUGHTS:

this was inspired by a conversation i had with my grandfather, where he was telling me about how people used to sing songs to the skies, as a way of devotion to a specific god. he used the [loose translation of] the english word “yearning” to refer to the emotion the singers would invoke, and that sparked the concept of a disillusioned young boy who talks to the moon as a way to please the god he’s in love with. it’s a very softly disconcerting story and once again deals with the theme of “perception vs reality” which if you know me and my work, is the theme i’m forever obsessed with.

i really like how this turned out? the atmosphere is exactly how i wanted it to be, and there’s so much i have to add on as i edit and i’m really looking forward to that. this is also the only short story i’ve written where i knew which litmag i’d love for it to be published in? like i never write things with publishing in mind, but for some reason while writing this story it occurred to me that it would be a perfect fit for this specific magazine and i love that. anyway if you’ve made it through the post till here,,,, bless you and your braincells. and that’s all for today!!

[grittyreadsfic]

haha welcome to my newest rec list, what a run we had tho, a collection of all of my favorite nate bastian/mikey mcleod fics. rip superbuddies, they're not dead, nate's just in fuckin SEATTLE

the only hard part of making this list was not just listing out every fic ao3 user lotts has for the pairing which i did consider doing. so.

all that by lotts

summary: If Mikey gets a soulmate soon, he’ll have to explain the whole Nate situation.

Not– not that there's a real Nate situation, per se, but it’s just– Mikey has Nate, and it’s kind of a thing.

(Or: there very much is a Nate situation. There's also a Mikey situation. Eventually, they realize this.)

why i love it: to me, this is the superbuddies fic-it’s got the perfect pacing from friends to lovers with just the right around of blurred lines between what’s normal for friends and what’s something more, and their characterizations are just *chef’s kiss* it’s also such a great take on soulmates, and it really covers the different ways people can feel about their soulmates/the concept in general

kiss the night air by clementiae

summary: Jersey, Jersey. Whispered into the warmth of their laced fingers like a prayer.

It was a stupid dream. Mikey wanted it to last.

why i love it: never has under 1.3k words made me want to cry as much as this fic has. the way talking about their dream of playing together evolved, the narrative structure that builds? absolutely hits, very good if you want to cry about the expansion draft

sure thing by bitter_leaf

summary: In the history of hockey, there’s no way something like Nate suggested has never happened before and Mikey feels out of control following that thought down the rabbit hole, how he’d be powerless to stop it if it did, and that’s if he’d even want to stop it. The terrifying thing is that even though he can’t see it happening—they’re both straight, this whole fucking thing is just a thought experiment, pretend—now that Nate’s painted the picture for him, he can’t stop thinking about it—whether he’d even notice the signs until it was too late.

__

Sick of their teammates chirping them, Mikey and Nate pretend to date.

why i love it: i’m SUCH a sucker for fake dating aus, and this one does it so well. It really leans into the messy and complicated feelings part of fake relationships that i don’t think gets explored enough, and it handles it so, so, so well.

you let him wonder but you never let him sink in his teeth by anonymous

summary: Mikey didn’t really pay attention much in biology— didn’t have to, not really— but he vaguely remembers something about doing heat by yourself in a pinch. There were lots of warnings about it.

“You can’t just be alone,” he says and Nate lets out something that sounds like laughing.

Mikey is just trying to be helpful, and Nate is just trying to get through it.

why i love it: i really love omegaverse fics that invert the usual takes on the tropes (and this is one of them!) and it just really is a great look at their dynamic. i really like this take on mikey and nate as a whole, as well

though far away, we’re still the same by rathands

summary: Mikey wishes he wasn’t in love with Nate, because everyone knows that juniors shit—it doesn’t work out. Like Dylan and Mitch.

why i love it: lots of fun bad communication between nate and mikey, and i think this one really handles the emotion of it all so well. absolutely peak idiots to lovers, and i really love that it gives us both of their point of views

so i don’t have to keep imagining by preciousthings

summary: “It was a mistake. That’s— I didn’t mean that, and that’s it.” Mikey says, but he can’t quite meet Nate’s eyes. “That’s where I’m at, I guess.”

“That’s what I thought. So, we’re on the same page.” Nate nods.

(or: lost gold medals, ill-advised snapchats, love confessions, meddling teammates, and a whole lot of miscommunication.)

why i love it: i just think the premise of this works so, so, so well for them-it’s another great idiots to lovers vibe for nate and mikey, and the whole concept of drunkenly telling your crush you love them via snapchap? yes, good, correct

there is a bridge over a river, and some days it is lovely by lotts

summary: “What are you doing here?” Mikey asks, trying and failing not to stare, but Nate’s staring right back, like he’s also not sure what’s going on.

“I figured I’d meet you here,” Nate says. “Put a familiar face on the Binghamton welcoming committee.”

Mikey looks around. “There’s no one else here.”

“Well, it was either a familiar face or no face,” Nate says with an uncertain smile, like he’s not quite sure he’s allowed to make a joke.

why i love it: perhaps i love it because i like to hurt my own feelings, but this is really just a well done fic that really just hits. it’s honest and emotional and you can feel the weight of that throughout it, but it does have a pretty light hearted ending that is good and hopeful. bonus points for being one of my favorite break up make up fics ever and currently my most read fic of 2021

a catch in the curse by aliquis

summary: Mikey McLeod is gifted — or cursed — with the power of psychic persuasion. With the ability to bend people’s ears to his will, Mikey is well aware of how dangerous a power he wields, and the responsibility he bears to not abuse it.

Though he rarely uses his gifts, new developments in his friendship with Nate Bastian may threaten his control. Mikey would do anything to protect his best friend, including finding a way to get rid of his powers for good. Luckily, Newark’s own witch in the woods may be able to help.

why i love it: magic au!!!! i cannot stress how fantastic the world building is in this series (you don’t have to read the tknp fic that’s first to follow what’s happening, but it is worth the read) and mikey’s feelings towards nate and his own struggle is just!!!! honestly i’m just a series of exclamation points about it all

Invisible string by philatoi

summary: Mikey has known he’s liked guys since the first time Nathan Bastian smiled at him. That’s the thing, almost everything about Mikey’s sexuality has involved Nate — which isn’t necessarily bad. In Mikey’s humble opinion, Nate is the perfect person to fall in love with. Highly recommended. Mikey doesn’t regret putting all his eggs in that basket for the last six years.

why i love it: the pining in this, the emotions of it all-just absolutely top notch all the way around, and really just what i wanted out of a superbuddies fic. it really just feels so right for nate and mikey, and i just love it

you are a diamond and i’m just coal by hannah_baker

summary: When Mikey learns his roommate Nate isn't going home for Christmas, he drags Nate back home with him for break.

Or, the one where Mikey thinks all of his feelings for his roommate are platonic, and everyone laughs at him for it.

why i love it: me picking between this and hannah_baker’s other christmas centric superbuddies fic was like picking a favorite child. this is one of my all time favorite takes on mikey in any fic, and i always love a good college roommates au. just such a wonderful fic

turn the lights off, i’m in love by awoogah123

summary: “I can’t go to sleep yet,” Mikey murmured against Nate’s mouth, “I’m not tired.”

Nate knew this couldn’t be true, his and Mikey’s season had just finished and they were both exhausted. Still, Nate knew what Mikey meant when he said he couldn’t go to sleep yet, that he was too wired up, because he felt exactly the same way.

“I think I’ve got a way to make you more relaxed,” Nate said, mouth curving into a smirk as he brushed a hand over Mikey’s cheek. Mikey’s mouth smiled against his own.

***

Nate and Mikey are there for each other when the Devils don't make the playoffs.

why i love it: do you ever just need some soft comfort to cope? yeah me too! this fic is that and i was very 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 about it when i read it

[bakugoukatsuki-rising]

I'm. The new covers, op. The new covers. Gosh. Both of them hold so much symbolism. And technically they both are canon, they are both original ideas that could perfectly be valid. Horikoshi simply found something better. But anyways, I'm going to go ahead and ramble about it because Im- Op, prepare for a long ask! Hope you like it!

So!

On the one where Katsuki's the one in the picture, he's not on his knees like he is in the other two covers. Instead, he has his face down, body forward, one hand on one leg, the other one holding out for something...He's bowing. Bowing in Japanese culture is a pretty big deal. Hes not just tilting his head a bit, his head and body are on full on commitment.

Such a tilted bow means a LOT, specially from THIS guy, Mr dont let anyone walk in front of me. Even more when hes not just bowing, but accepting such an open display of given help, Mr shonen anime lone wolf. Accepting something he always has trouble admitting to. Accepting the past, accepting the wrongs. Accepting Izukus help means so much, and that's what these three covers have in common.

His hand is sctretching out. He's ready to say yes to that hand out in the air.

(Ps. I wonder if he's watching his own reflection on the water in this panel, as well?)

Hes in middle of the picture with those childhood friend at the back, which means audience. It means letting people see what hes done, what he's sorry for. He is being open and exposed and vulnerable. That's no fighting stance.

Remember guys, in case you haven't noticed before, Horikoshi puts lots of metaphorical value in his manga and on his covers. Sometimes you've got to dig in deep and think to get the bigger picture. And in this case, the bigger picture screams regret and wanting to make things right from the start.

This cover occurs in the past, at the moment where everything started, and Katsuki fully remembers this. Katwuki has thought of this, is thinking about this. He's had eye bags for gods sake, he's clearly troubled by all of what it means.

These three covers are the visual explanation of what's going on inside Katsuki's head, because this is clearly focused on him and his perspective.

(Ps. Rivers symbolise the massage of time. If that doesnt add to everything else, I dont know what to tell you.)

So! Next!

Wow, if this isnt one of my favourite things ever. Okay. Christ.

I have two options here. Scratch that, three options. Scream into the void, scream into this post, or actually make a good presentation of my inner turmoil. I'll have to go by the third option. (Haha. Just like horikoshi did. Dont # me, I'm funny in my head.)

This cover melted my insides, froze them all over, and hit me with them like a hammer.

I know they're kids, but let me get this straight-so kids seriously look at their friends with these looks in their eyes and think "ah, yes. This is my very good friend. This gentle smile and kind look I'm giving him as if he was my whole world? Well, hes just a very good friend."

I looked at my childhood crush this way, I dont know what to tell you.

Anyway, let's actually jump to the information at hand.

This panel seems like it's making a reference to what Katsuki wishes could have been. And if that's not absolutely soul-crushing...this cover is Katsuki's feelings, guys. These are probably his very thoughts. This scene has gone through Katsuki's head at some point.

We've got Izuku in his stuck up pose all over again, in just an awkward angle. It's like katsuki isnt looking AT this katsuki right now, but at the spot where the actual past Katsuki, at some point, was. As if this Isuku is frozen in time. Dont believe too much in this paragraph, I still have my doubts about that, but I feel it's a possibility. Izukus eyes seem to be focused on the water, while Katsuki is just the tiniest bit back, reaching for Izukus hand. And gosh.

I dont think I've ever seen older NOR child Katsuki have this look plasted into his face before. He's...sheepish. Kindly, awkwardly sheepish. No hate, no anger, no shame, no nothing. His face is clear and sweet and has this "Whoops. You got me. But thanks." kind of expression on.

The hand behind his head, just the tiniest but embarassed? That little smile? It's all so soft.

Rambling about softness though- I really liked the hand scene in this particular panel. If you close up your view, you realise that theres no effort to pull anyone out of nowhere. In this panel, they are simply holding hands in frozen time for no purpose at all.

Katsuki has his hand around Izuku...simply holding there.

Again, because the angle is awkward, it's kind of messy, but you get the point.

It's all simply beautiful. Horikoshi clean likes give me life.

And lastly. The actual cover.

I screeched so hard when I saw this. My first instinct when seeing this for the first time was to straight up go trigger happy fingers and write about it to my friends. Christ.

Everything is so...SOft. horikoshi made a good decision by mixing both previous drawings in one. We have parts of the two covers in one, which is amazing. In this one, Katsuki isnt alone, as Izuku's there too. But we dont have the audience either. Probably because the main focus on this panel is no one else except them two.

Again, Katsuki looks like he's bowing, but instead of looking all the way down, he's in the middle. Not looking at Izuku nor looking at the ground, like it shows in the previous covers. Instead, Horikoshi found a middle ground. He's looking at his hand. At the gesture.

Hes not holding hands quite yet, but his hand is there. At arms reach. Not close enough but there. Wanting.

Theres so much regret and again, softness.

Again, like you Op said a bit bad, the angle is off here. This is present Katsuki remembering his past. The angle is off because this Izuku isnt holding out for our Katsuki. This is a memory. A wish. Katsuki's wish.

(Ps. Izukus trousers drenched in the rivers water. This detail was so nice. It's a subtle action that describes Izukus characterization so much. Izuku went in the river with Katsuki in mind, not caring if he got his clothes soaked in the process too. For Izuku, only Katsuki was there. And for Katsuki, only Izuku is.

As a plus, I can't believe the cover of this is literally called Bakugou Katsuki rising. They named the entire thing after that one chapter. Actually, I very much, totally believe it. It's the moment so many people have been waiting for, after all. The moment so many scenes have been amounting for, little by little.

*dreamy sigh*

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little thing, I had to get it out of my system and dont want to bother my dear friends anymore than needed.

Have a good day, OP! I'll stay updated!

You kinda just...took my heart and curb stomped it, not gonna lie. Your observations are so beautiful and so accurate. The sketch with little Bakugou taking Izuku’s hand is so...raw, and yeah, that expression is definitely one of love. Those eyes, the way he is HOLDING Izuku’s hand, not TAKING it. He isn’t taking it to stand up, he is literally just...holding it. 

That isn’t the way you take someone’s hand when you’re trying to pull yourself up. It’s an awkward angle and just...wouldn’t work right. No, he is literally just holding his hand, and that’s exactly what Bakugou wishes he did all that time ago. He wishes that he not only took Deku’s hand, but held onto it. Held it as if it were something precious, something to be cared for and protected. 

These are Bakugou’s true feelings expressed in these drawings, and I think Horikoshi released them on purpose, to show us more of what he wanted Bakugou to be feelings through all of this. Since after all, we know that Bakugou expresses himself in action, not so much words. And because Horikoshi is an absolute genius, he thought to give us these other glimpses in how he feels through these actions. 

And the other sketch with him bowing his body to Izuku, and the way the log looks like it’s on his back with his ‘friends’ on top of it. 

The pressure of needing to be the coolest, the strongest, the best. Those kids put that kind of pressure on him, even if they never realized it. They encouraged his behavior and fed his ego, and it never allowed him to see how he was wrong. But now he is realizing it, and he is bowing himself in light of that acknowledgement. He is lowering his head and putting his pride away, so he can get back what he lost all those years ago; the opportunity to take Izuku’s hand.

To take the hand of the only one of those kids that ever loved him unconditionally. Who never pressured him or expected him to be invincible. Who saw all of his flaws and was completely prepared to support him despite all of it. The only one. 

I’m just a mess over all of this, and I am so incredibly thankful to Horikoshi for creating this beautiful relationship. AND IN A SHOUNEN MANGA, NONETHELESS!!  

Thank you friend, for your beautiful thoughts. I think they’re spot on, and I am so emotional all over again because of this. 

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

mAY I PLEASE REQUEST FOR YAKU MY BABY YAKULT YAKU 🤧😭 njsjJSNjs maybe a friends to lovers kinda thing? how they met, got together, how they are during the time they're together >.< and maybe throw in some teasing where the s/o teases yaku for his height lightheartedness even though the s/o's even shorter than him whjdj and ofc gotta throw in some classic boyfie hoodies/shirts from yaku👉👈 idk if a hc or oneshot is easier for you so please feel free to use whichever format's more comfy💕 and thank you for always writing such amazing work heh💓💕💖💝💗

hey anon!!

I haven't gotten the opportunity to write for yaku so im honestly kind of excited that I get to bless the yaku simps (づ◡﹏◡)づ

he definitely isn't a character that's on my mind often but I have to admit he is super underrated 

im not super familiar with his personality so I apologize if anything is ooc

alsooo ty for such kind words, my heart is full ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

anywhooo I hope you enjoy!!

(sorry if it’s a little choppy/messy >_<)

•Friends to Lovers HC w/ Yaku•

warnings: none

genre: pure fluff

character: yaku

Yaku Morisuke

you had been friends with him ever since your second year of middle school

during your first year, you had noticed him from afar but hadn’t really talked with him besides a few hellos and good mornings

it wasn’t as if you weren’t interested in getting to know him but you had never really got the opportunity to have a proper conversation with him

he had always been occupied with volleyball and your schedules never gave you a chance to cross paths otherwise

however, the year after, you fortunately had been given very similar schedules which allowed you to introduce yourself to the boy in question

you two immediately clicked and grew closer then either of you would have ever expected

despite your comfortable friendship,your platonic emotions towards yaku slowly morphed into romantic feelings over the years

at first, it was little things like subconsciously watching his lips move when he spoke

but over time you begin feeling butterflies storm your stomach just from him being near or stuttering when you spoke to him

you had started to realize that this feeling towards him was no longer the same as when you two had first met

honestly, you didn't know what to do and spent quite a while trying to sort out you emotions 

while this was plaguing your mind, you didn’t notice that the libero reciprocated your feelings

but his team most certainly did

how could they miss the faint blush that painted yaku’s face whenever your name was mentioned or how his breath hitched at any sudden contact between the two of you

with this, yaku got the shit teased out of him until he was finally pushed to confess even so, the boys didn't go without a scolding from him for being so obnoxious

he had already mentally prepared himself to be rejected and have the strong bond between the two of you broken when he selfishly opened up 

this is why he was so shocked when you embraced him, letting him know that you had felt the same way

normally, he didn't condone the nosiness of his fellow club members but just this once, he could let it slide

you and yaku worked really well together, but being a great couple was expected with how good of friends you already were

yaku was a really great boyfriend

it wasn't a huge surprise with his natural motherly instincts and his love for you but it was still a big improvement with how you had been treated by people in the past

even though he wasn't a huge fan of pda, he always showed how much he cared for you

it didn't matter if it was placing his hand on the small of you back to guide you away from a potential accident or buying a coffee from the vending machine when he noticed you dozing off in class

he managed to express his emotions without getting crap from his friends

however, when the two of you were alone was when you really got to see his soft side though

he would intertwine your fingers when you two walked down the road or wrap his arms around your waist when you two were lying on the couch watching movies

and you never missed the small kisses that were placed on your temple when he thought you were asleep

although yaku was pretty short tempered with his teammates, he always seemed to have patience for you

sure you two bickered from time to time as couples do, but he always took the time to sit down and talk through things with you

the thing that you and the boys did have in common was his tendency to subconsciously babysit you all

you found him always checking to make sure you ate well, drank enough water, and got a good amount of rest

he made sure to watch over you and keep you out of trouble considering you were so close with team there was bound to be chaos 

he was never over bearing with anything though, and besides you knew that he couldn't help himself when it came to things like that

it was apart of his personality to take on the role of a caretaker and honestly, you found it quite sweet

yaku loved spending time with you

he didn't care what you two did, as long as you did it together

as cheesy as it sounded, it was true

his favorite dates were always the ones spent at either one of your houses

there was just something about staying in and enjoying your company that made those memories so much more special 

of course he didn't mind venturing out of his comfort zone and trying different things with you

but as cute as you were, you were also a little thief 

you constantly stole his clothes

hoodies, shirts, sweatpants, beanies, etc.

you name it and you probably had it in your possession

has much as he wanted to be irritated with your criminal activity, you looked way too good wearing his things

hell, you looked better then him in everything you wore

and he honestly couldn't complain since you always returned everything eventually and it always came back smelling like you which was a definite plus

one of your favorite pastimes was teasing your boyfriend

mainly about his height

which was pretty ironic considering, you were shorter than him??

he would always rebuttal with a snarky remark about your own height, earning a pout from you mission failed y/n, mission failed

of course the torment was never in a serious way and it was just nice knowing that you two could be comfortable with one another like that.

yaku was very passionate about volleyball, you had known that since middle school

you had always come to every one of his games being his best friend and all

but the game after you two had made things official, you decided to show your support by wearing his spare jersey 

as soon as he saw you, he broke yes y/n you broke your beloved boyfriend, go put him in rice or something pls and ty

you just looked so amazing and he couldn't believe that you had that much faith in him to be standing up there representing him 

he was on the brink of tears but he pulled himself together and stepped on that court with all the passion he could muster

safe to say, that was one of the best games he had ever played

as soon as you came down to congratulate him he pulled you into a tight hug and asked you to wear his jersey at every game you were already planning to but hearing the request whispered softly into your neck was nice too

if your boyfriend had to name one of his favorite sounds it would have to be your soft snores

when you two would spend the night with each other, you would always end up falling asleep first, but he never minded 

in all honesty, you looked so peaceful when you slept, it lulled him to sleep too

the way you would lay your head on his chest, just close enough to be able to smell the sweet scent of your shampoo and the way your chest rose and fell with the steady rhythm of your breaths

he usually found himself dozing off while running his fingers through your hair

but before he joined you in dreamland, he always made sure to let you know one thing,

“I love you Y/N, more then you know.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 14

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.  

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually) 

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally. 

Series masterlist

"We haven't spoken on a while, I hurtled him, he was in love with me and I told him all that awful shit," Sofia answered Mandy when she asked if she's been talking to Chris. "Never apologized properly and basically broke up over a text. It's okay though, it's the best for him."

Mandy stayed quiet for a bit, looking at the road ahead while she drove to a doctor's appointment, there were going to get the baby's gender and she was going to keep the secret and go the whole baby reveal the gender. 

"I think he's seeing someone," Mandy told her and Sofia blinked. 

"Oh," 

"He's coming over this weekend, to the party." 

"Oh," 

"Say something more than oh?"

"I don't know what to say, alright. I can deal with it, I'm a big girl." Sofia said as her hands just started sweating out of nervousness. 

"Sure, looks like it. Big girl fucking sweating," Amanda pointed out and Sofia gives her a look. 

"Thanks for letting me know though," She said and sigh. "I'm getting so fucking drunk, I love you but I'm gonna be hammered enough for people to avoid me." 

"You can deal with whatever you want to, baby. I'm giving you a free pass," Amanda told her. "Dad still pretty stingy about me pregnant, so he's probably gonna be there drinking with you."

"He's excited, but he still sees you as your little girl, I mean, he probably it's picturing Luke cumming inside you." She laughed as Amanda hit her. 

"You're fucking disguising, ugh!" She punches her in her arm and her leg and then laughed. "It's probably true," 

They laughed together and after they leave the appointment Sofia couldn't stop crying when she saw the little peanut moving inside of her best friend. 

"Oh my fucking God, I'm so fucking emotional," She was sobbing as they climbed the car once again. 

"Don't you dare to fucking say it," Amanda threaten her as she started the car. "Don't, don't. Or yes, oh my fucking God tell me—" She turned to look at her. 

"You made me promise, I can't—you tell me this was gonna happen." Sofia laughed as she wipes her tears. "It's only two days, you'll be fine," She waves her off. 

"Two days, I can do that. Yes, sure. I can." 

~~~

She hasn't really had time to sat down and process what Mandy had told her in the car, Chris coming and he's seeing someone, that she thinks he's seeing someone. 

She was sitting cross-legged on the fluffy carpet as she eyed her cellphone, old messages between them still there and she types a 

—Hey Chris, heard you're back 

She didn't press send, it was just sitting there. Staring back at her, bold black letters getting bigger. 

"I shouldn't, God I shouldn't." She said to herself and grabbed her phone and deleted the text, reading the last text he sent. 

—I'm doing good, Sof, thanks for asking. 

God, that was cold and made her cry, I deserve it. She never went around to answer him, he never texted something else, that was two months ago. 

"What I'm doing?" She asked herself she read and still re-read the text. "He's seeing someone," 

With a sigh she let her cellphone on the carpet and get on dressing herself for the party, it was the engagement party slash gender reveal, so it was a huge thing. Everyone was coming, friends, family. 

She started drinking while getting ready, she was officially living alone for the past month because Mandy was living with her soon to be husband as she should be and she was pregnant, closer to her parents and Luke's family. Everything was going so great for everyone else and she felt like shit for the past four-month, depressed was an understatement.

Still, she made the party just in time. Carrying the cake she made with the stupid pink or blue gender reveal. Heels clicking on the floor as she made way between the people, stopping every two seconds saying hello to someone. 

It was draining, she wasn't in the mood to speak with everyone. Her hands were sweating as she played with the hem of her pretty pink bodycon dress and locked herself in the mirror, stressed, depressed, and about to see the guy you broke his heart and know she's probably in love with him. 

"Fuck my life," She mutter at herself in the mirror and grabbed the beer she was nursing, officially she was tipsy. 

More people were coming in and the place was slowly but steady was getting crowded, music was playing on the background. Sofia spotted Amanda and Luke, speaking with people kissing and hugging each other. She couldn't help but smile, they so deserve each other. 

"Holy shit," She heard a voice, and a pair of hands slide on her waist and pulled her back. "You look fucking gorgeous, never knew that pink was your color." It was Scott, placing a kiss on her cheek as she laughed. 

"Never used it, guess is a special occasion," She smiles posing at the same time. "I'm so glad you could make it," 

"I told you I'll be here," 

"Yeah, he's here isn't he?" Sofia asked and Scott changed his face for a second. 

"He is but he didn't come alone," Scott said as Sofia looked at him. "I was very vocal that he shouldn't come with her because it wasn't fair to you and it's very recent but she was supposed to go back to LA this afternoon but her flight got delayed for tomorrow morning—" 

Sofía ears were ringing as Scott keep explaining how Chris came with another woman, this is it—whatever little figment of hope that maybe Chris felt something for her still was light on fire, destroy. It was gone. 

"Okay," Sofia said looking at him. "It's fine I don't care." She shrugged, she did care, she obviously did care. "You want a drink?, I need a drink and there are these little things," Sofia made a gesture. "They're tiny but delicious."

Scott was amazed at the state of denial she had quickly reach, of course, he was going to play along. This wasn't the time to get her to talk. 

~~~

It was hard for not seeing her in the crowd, little pink dress running around always with a drink in her hand. Chris felt his stomach turn around all the time he catches sight of her. 

"Hey maaaan," He heard Luke's voice calling him and Chris smile, giving each other a hug. "Mandy is mad as hell, you prepare yourself." Luke laughed and Chris sigh. 

Oh he knew, he knew. 

"Yeah, I gather she'll be…" Chris said and looked at the girl beside him that was mingling like a pro, chatting with people.

"Chris!," Mandy said with a smile appearing from nowhere, the smile was there but the murderous look couldn't be hidden. 

"Hey Mand, looking good as ever," He embraces her and she whispered on his ear. "I'm going to fucking kill you," She laughed and grabbed his arms. 

Chris grabbed her hand and walked her to a little more private part, they needed to talk this out. 

"I didn't want to bring her, she wasn't even supposed to be here. I'm sorry," Chris said and Mandy looked at him. 

"I understand that I do. And it's okay, you don't wanna be an asshole she probably doesn't deserve that but," She took a breath." but not long ago you were crying in my fucking couch of how much you love that girl over there that's barely holding it together since all of this exploded, crying at every stupid thing and dealing with her guilt,"

"She broke out with me over text, Amanda. Basically told me that I wasn't important enough, didn't want to talk things out. She ended it," 

"She's in love with you. Sofia is in love with you and she doesn't know how to approach you to talk things out. She's awkward because she wants to do things right by you, dude." Amanda explained and Chris put both hands on his head,  "And them me being pregnant, getting married and I moved out. I know she's happy for me and it's rooting for me but there's a lot of change," Amanda said wiping her tears. "I know she feels left out and now you showed up to my engagement party with someone else while my best friend is literally trying to get it together." 

"Baby, we gotta keep going," Luke appeared, and Amanda sigh, walking away with her fiancé. 

~~~

Both are idiots, you guys agree?

Tag list:

@smediumsmeatbae

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[preciouslandmermaid]

playlist anon here! Cornelia street ALMOST made it on the playlist, it just didn’t because I wanted more angst!!! I hope you enjoy it and i wanna know your thoughts if you’re willing to share when you finish your listen☺️

I'm actually gonna put all my thoughts on this reply, lmao. And I'm typing these up as I listen so uhh this might be a rambled mess LMAO.

Track 1: IMPECCABLE CHOICE. we really cannot have a playlist without the star of the show ;) ~ i love cigarettes after sex lol they're so moody and sensual. show stopping. incredible. iconic. Track 2: TAYLOR!!! SWIFT!!! God, I love gold rush so much. esp the line; "I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush" because i think it perfectly encapsulates how the reader feels about carmy. her desire for distance, her uneasiness about her affection/fondness, the vulnerability that he unknowingly teases from her. Track 3: I've never heard this song before. I know of HAIM. But, wow this song really gave me like BUTTERFLIES. Especially these two lines: "We're watching the sunrise from the kitchen counter // When you're lyin' between my legs it doesn't matter." like ��👀👀 HELLO?

Track 4: Yeah, this one - like - taylor swift is so good at writing songs about yearning LMAO. Just. * Chef kiss.* Track 5: MITSKI. MITSKI. MITSKI!!!! Is it really a playlist if we don't have mitski? answer: no it is not! ugh. "baby will u kiss me arleady?" LIKE DAMN, TRUE. MISTKI!!! WILL HE?? Track 6: Okay, I need my girl by the national. is. the most yearning-of-songs to ever yearn. this song really captures what it feels to be like "outside" - not relating to peers, or family, and feeling like you have this connection to a specific person who even when you feel small/insecure/weak/etc---this person is who can pull you out of it, who softens the edges of the world, :.) i love them sfm. Track 7: hi taylor. This song is so carmy-coded. "And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound" and this one too: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad" -- carmy knows EXACTLY what to say to cut someone deep. ha ha. this line, especially, feels very carmy/mikey to me: "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that" COOL, COOL, NOW IM FUCKING CRYING.

Track 8: emotional damage. emotional damage. how dare u put phoebe bridgers on this playlist. i weep. this song perfectly captures the grief that they (reader and carmy) share. 😭

Track 9: I've never heard this song but it got me with the FIRST LINE. "in the car in the backseat" HELLO?? fucking IMMACULATE. also, like yes reader IS a fucking mess. they're both messy. and yet "I believe that you see me for who I am" [SCREAMING INTO MY PILLOW AND WALKS INTO THE OCEAN]

Track 10: wow this song is also so THEM. "All the skeletons you hide. Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." hi, i will need 7-10 business days to process this, thnx. goodbye. u really weren't lying when you said you wanted angst. u know that meme of the stick-figure guy lying on the ground in a puddle of his own tears? That's me.

Track 11: Hoax by Tswift is so Carmy-coded. I think Taylor wrote all these songs for him, actually. but, also the references to shades of blue, make me think of reader looking to Carmy's eyes. both romantic and lowkey fucking SAD. are u trying to fucking kill me??

Track 12: it's about the yearning. i just love the concept that this song implies that like no matter how much you try to push someone out, they can still get under ur skin. HAHA WALKING INTO THE OCEAN AGAIN.

Track 13: i made the mistake of looking up the lyrics to this song so i could include my favorite line and then the internet told me that the meaning of this song could be interpreted as "pouring love into someone and they only give a fraction back in return." wow that hurts bestie. but also the ending of this song, the way it picks up, and the crescendo of music (im not a musician) its giving ~crying while sliding down the wall in the golden light of pre-sunset and clutching ur phone to ur chest.~

Track 14: wow this song fucking slaps? Also screaming at the chrous: "Is it insensitive for me to say - Get your shit together? - So I can love you" LOSING IT. I feel like it could be taken both ways, Reader's view to Carmy and his view to her. Like. Hmmm. besties. I'm feeling like these two might be grenades thrown at each other. hahahah.

Track 15: WE GOT HOZIER?? damn!! I feel like you went into the cosmos and found all the bangers I had forgotten about or simply never heard. God, I love his folky, gentle vibe. I feel like this would be the perfect song to have played during the wedding scene when they're both sitting in front of Lake Michigan, talking about loss, and their budding friendship.

Track 16: "The devil's in the details but you've got a friend in me." Again, are you TRYING to kill me?? Honestly, all of these songs could apply to SOME part, some scene of this fic, and I want to THROW MYSELF INTO THE SUN!! also like the line....."Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other". that's it. I'm listening to the rest of these from beyond the grave. also like ugh the way this song embodies being THERE for someone but not being able to u know fix the shit they're going thru or heal it and just having to accept that.

Track 17: daddy hozier is back! this song is just ugh so romantic. i feel like hozier is the only Man to Ever Exsist, imo, and get it. He gets it! Also, this song makes me feel like being "brought to life" by love and uguuugghh. I know ur going for an angst angle but this song makes me feel so warm and cozy x)

Track 18: WOW THIS SONG IS SOOO READER. This is her song. You've done it. You've cracked the code. I think this song could be interpreted as her feelings for Carmy, but also, on a larger scale--The Bakery--when it came into her life, everything changed, and she now has something to prove, something to work for. I'm in AWE of ur mind, anon.

Track 19: oh ok we're back to being sad, I GUESS. GOSH. EVERMORE?? Pls!!!! The way this song describes a story of grief and how it feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't. Time actually does heal wounds. You just have to make it through the months, through the cold, and into safety and warmth. What a PERFECT ending song choice.

how i feel about this playlist (affectionate)

[codename-bewareofthefangirl]

can i request kirishima, todoroki, and kacchan comforting their s/o bc they're going through an insecure moment where they dont like their body (too meaty, too skinny) thank youuu~ 💗

Hi dear! I’m sorry if it took me so much (I’ve also your matchup in progress)! I’M ALWAYS FINE WITH COMFORT WRITING AND THESE BOYS ARE PERFECT FOR IT! I hope Bakugou doesn’t result exaggerated or an animal, but I believe he’s more a man of actions than words, especially about things he deems important (take a look at my hcs if you want to know how I perceive him). Kirishima IS A SUNSHINE, I couldn’t not think that only his presence could lift your mood. Todoroki is the smoother and sweeter (and most forward) boyfriend ever, I tell you.

Well, enjoy and have a wonderful day!

Bakugou, Kirishima, Todoroki x Reader with Low Self-Esteem, Comfort, Hints about Sexy Time, Fluff, Romance, Kisses, Soft, Your Bodies Are Perfect When Imperfect

 Bakugou Katsuki

“What the hell are you doing?”

You jolted, averting immediately your eyes from the microwave.

Bakugou was glaring at you in what you had learned to be confusion and irritation, a spoon of cereals in his mouth and a messy bedhead. Ah, Sunday’s mornings together were the best.

You tried to smile and wave it off.

“Nothing, Katsuki.” You resumed drinking your tea with cookies, obviously baked by your boyfriend because homemade shit was better than bought one.

“Oh yes, because I’m fucking stupid!” He rolled his eyes, putting the bowl aside and focusing only on you. A shiver ran down your back and you played nervously with the cup. “’The hell is wrong?”

You shut your lips and shook your head.

“Nothing.” Maybe, if you repeated it in your head enough times, it was going to become true.

Bakugou literally growled, scratching his head and mumbling insults under his breath before he stopped abruptly. He held his breath for five seconds and exhaled deeply.

He knew the look you were wearing and had learned that getting aggressive wasn’t going to make you talk. Approaching directly your defensive stubbornness was like launching himself from a plane in the sea: he was going to get smashed against the concrete.

Finally, he had again a, sort of, impassive expression.

“Yesterday you were in your world for the entire afternoon. I found you closed in the bathroom five times, for longer than fifteen minutes. This night you’ve slept buried against me. You avoided my eyes. Five seconds you were glaring at your reflection in the fucking microwave.”

You gulped and widened your eyes horrified; you hadn’t thought it was that evident. But Bakugou had always to be exceptional at everything, hadn’t he?

“Try to say again it’s nothing and I’ll lose my patience.” Bakugou was holding you frozen on you chair just by staring, blood red eyes not accepting lies or half-assed truths.

“I-” Your mouth dried and Bakugou took another deep breath to maintain his composure, “I think I’m fat.”

That took him by surprise, his face scrunched into incredulousness and he tilted his head trying to metabolize the words that were falling from your lips.

“I mean, I’m too curvy and chubby. It’s ugly. Like a cow. I don’t understand how can you like me when we’re surrounded by pretty girls all the time! And, overlooking your horrible personality, you could have any of them. I’m so embarrassed that-”

“What the fuck?!” Bakugou interrupted you with an explosion from his right hand. Confusion had been replaced by anger and disapproval. “Stop with this shit immediately, SO.”

You tried to argue, but the sound of another explosion filled the room.

“First, don’t compare me to those lousy motherfuckers who like girls only based on their shape, alright? Goddess or cow, I don’t care until it’s you inside.” Your boyfriend spoke slowly, weighing every word with an astonishing and indisputable bluntness.

You clenched your jaw to not cry, but the simple relief he was giving you was overwhelming.

“Alright?” He repeated, scowling, and you nodded. Satisfied, he continued.

“Second,” he stood up and towered over you, “I love your body as it is and if you haven’t understood it yet, I’m going to mark every spot I adore until nightfall.”

His smirk made you shiver inside and your cheeks heat up.

“K-Katsuki! It’s morning!” You stuttered trying to push him away, but he captured your wrists. Bakugou shrugged.

“It’s Sunday,” He replied before he smoothly picked you up from the waist, bridal style. You let out a small shriek and grabbed onto his pajamas. He marched back to the bedroom.

“Put me down! I’m heav-”

Katsuki literally threw you on the bed and climbed on the mattress.

“Another negative word on your weight,” He growled, swiftly stripping his tank top off, “And you won’t be able to go to lessons tomorrow.”

Kirishima Eijirou

“SO? SO!”

Kirishima was waving his hand in front of your face when you finally snapped out of your cloudy thoughts.

“Ejirou?” You called blinking, a faint smile on the lips.

After his afternoon spar with Bakugou, Kirishima had found you curled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito. You hadn’t said the usual “Welcome back!”, hopped to kiss him on the cheek nor acknowledged his presence in any way and he was now more than worried.

“Something wrong, babe?” He brushed your cheek with a thumb in a soothing voice, still smiling happily. He always seemed to smile when he was around you.

You tilted your head and lowered your eyes.

“I don’t think I’m good for you…” you whispered so low that for a moment you hoped he hadn’t heard you and you could take it back, but Kirishima stiffened on the spot and your stomach twisted.

“What do you mean?” His voice was softer now, but you could hear the frailness behind it.

You bit your bottom lip, curling more.

“I’m not pretty enough.”

An infinite second of silent stillness, the Kirishima sighed heavily in relief.

His warm chuckle made your heart flip.

“What are you saying, SO?” He cupped your cheeks and forced you to look him in the eyes, “You’re more than pretty!” He was blushing a little, in that cute way he always did when giving an honest compliment.

“I’m fat,” you argued glaring down, but he tilted your chin up again.

“You’re not.” Kirishima was sporting his toothy, shiny grin, but his words were stern. “You’re curvy and I like that, you know it.”

You shook again your head, stubbornly.

“I’m heavy.”

Kirishima didn’t even bat an eyelash.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and pick you up, blankets and all.

“I don’t think so.” He flashed a smile.

“Ejirou! Put m-” As soon as you started to argue, embarrassed, he laughed and threw you in the air.

You shrilled, before falling in his arms again.

“Ej-”

He threw you again.

“I think you’re very light, you know? The perfect weight!”

And again.

“I’m not even using my Quirk! See SO?”

And again.

“My pretty, curvy girlfriend!” he bubbled, “Please don’t fly away! I’d be very sad!”

Finally, a chuckle burst from your throat.

Kirishima continued to throw you up in the air and saying stupid things until it became a full, warm laughter. Then he fell on the couch with you in his arms, smiling widely; you snuggled against his chest and he pulled you as close as he could.

“Sorry, I haven’t showered yet,” he mumbled, remembering he was still in his sweaty tracksuit. You shrugged, all the sadness and insecurities evaporated like snow under the sun.

“That’s fine…” you murmured closing your eyes, “Can we stay like this for a bit?”

Kirishima beamed and nuzzled against your neck, before smooching your cheek.

“Sure, babe, sure!”

Todoroki Shouto

Todoroki found you sitting with crossed legs on the floor of the living room, in front of the mirror. He was sure he had left you on the couch studying when he had gone out for a run, so now was confused, to say the least.

Especially because you were caressing your reflection with a sad and sort of disgusted grimace.

He padded quietly until he was by your side. Only then he realized your eyes were red and tears still edged at the corners of your eyes; concern immediately replaced his curiosity.

He crouched down, as you shifted your gaze on him, and took you gently by the shoulders.

“Is something wrong? Are you hurt?” He tried to keep his voice calm and composed, but worry trembled under the cold surface.

“N-no I’m fine…” you whispered, wiping clumsily your tears.

He furrowed.

“You’re crying.” His shoulders relaxed a bit as he made sure you weren’t physically harmed.

“Sadness, hate…a bunch of stupid emotions harassing me.” You tried to shrug it off, but your voice broke.

“Why?” Todoroki asked softly, sitting behind you and circling your body with his legs.

Darkening, you turned to face the mirror again. In silence, you raised a hand and pointed at your reflection.

“I’m disgustingly skinny.”

Todoroki flinched at the “disgustingly” and caged you against his chest, gazing at your reflection together.

“It’s not disgusting,” he replied quietly, but his tone was sharper than usual. He was absentmindedly drawing circles on your forearm with his fingers.

You groaned.

“I’m all bones, no curves at all,” you explained, mouth pulled down, “It’s like hugging a shard of ice.”

“I love ice.”

You rolled your eyes, but your lips betrayed you and smiled a little.

Todoroki caught that.

“Curvy girls are be-”

“You’re the best,” he interrupted you. You couldn’t look at him, but his eyes pierced holes in you from the mirror. “You’re the one I love, body and soul.”

The honesty in his voice was so vibrant that it washed your insecurities away in slow waves.

“You’re fair and slender, maybe a bit frail, but I know how strong you can be,” he continued, without breaking off the contact, “And when I hug you, I feel certain that you’re made to be in my arms, as you are.”

A lump formed in your lungs and you felt your eyes stinging again but for a different reason this time.

“I don’t care what others prefer, I think you’re perfect for me.”

That was the final blow. You were now burning inside, a flame in the pit of your stomach and heart drumming in your ears.

“You’re unbelievable…” you murmured covering your blushing face and curling with the back against him.

Todoroki smiled fondly and kissed softly your hair, rocking you back and forth.

“It’s fine, I’ve a lot of time to make you believe me, love.”