#and i like it even better when his accidentally cruel actions and mistakes get brought up and criticised by the narrative!! like it does in

[ahalliance]

i don’t get how people can complain about the writing “doing Martha dirty” when that same writing gives her an ending that addresses her treatement over the course of the season, allows her to finally put her to foot down, to establish her self-worth as an individual and to air out her grievances, and gives her the most respectful and satisfying exit from the TARDIS we’d yet seen in the show . like it’s one thing to dislike the direction the writing team took with her arc and to criticise it (perfectly fine) and another to somehow miss it entirely lmao . the ‘martha feels out of place, second best, and like a rebound’ is an intentional piece of writing that gets resolved by the end of the season . like that wasn’t smth they threw in for shits and giggles, it had in-story repercussions

[mellowyandere]

One Hell of a Logical Ruse Part 1

Reader: F

Characters: Aizawa Shouta (Eraserhead) 

Summary: Shouta loves a good game of cat and mouse, unfortunately for you the game’s a little rigged. This is somewhat of an experiment to try and write a smut scene from the male POV. Disclaimer I am not a man so uh yeah lmao. 

Based off the pre-established fic You’re Ours to Protect. 

Length: 4.5K

Warnings: non-con, yandere themes, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, praise kink

Aizawa Shouta was a rational man. He did his best to adhere to logic, and to never waste time with unnecessary action. And yet despite this, he absolutely loved watching you try to escape. You were pretty clever, even without him “accidentally” forgetting to lock the second story window that just so happened to be above some forgivingly soft shrubbery. 

You probably would have figured some way out on your own, but something feral inside him didn’t want to wait around for you to act. Normally it was his ever-loud husband Hizashi that fell flat when it came to the notion of patience, but today he would relent to his own selfish desires. 

Toshinori would have been utterly distressed had he been aware of the sleepy pros scheme. The number one was a man of swift action, seemingly never thinking twice before charging fist first into danger. He would not be happy Shouta was playing with you like this, but Toshinori and Hizashi wouldn’t be made aware of his little game with you. After all they had no idea he set this up, so they might genuinely try to punish you. He’d keep it quiet once he caught you and pretend it’s your little secret. Maybe you’d even be a little grateful if you believed he was saving your skin.

He rationalized his behavior by telling himself you seemed so bored, truly this was the perfect way to stimulate your mind and body. So when he heard the telltale sound of a body landing in bushes on the back side of the house he simply started a timer for 20 minutes to give you a bit of a head start. 

Was it cruel to get your hopes up like this? Perhaps, but he’d make sure to fuck you senseless to alleviate the disappointment. After all, if you were a good girl you’d have settled into your life with them already. But you really did enjoy testing them, which brought out the side of him that wanted to put you in your place. 

Giving himself a once over he made sure he had everything he would need for your inevitable return home. Well, now that you were basically quirkiness, all he needed was his capture weapon just in case you put up a struggle. He hadn’t decided yet if he was going to fuck you when he caught you, or if he was going to haul your cute ass home first. 

Thinking about plowing into you with adrenaline still pumping through his veins from the hunt had some blood rushing below his belt. Well he could always just do both.

The shrill ringing of his phones alarm brought him back from his wandering thoughts. With a sadistic grin stretching wide across his face he headed for the front door.

-----

Three weeks. Three fucking weeks trapped inside that house with three insane men. Sure they might not beat you or starve you, but the constant belittling, undermining and infantilizing was about to drive you to insanity yourself. You almost jumped for joy when you noticed an unlocked window on the second floor in Hizashi’s and Shouta’s room. The blond man had a bad habit of using too much cologne, and his dark-haired counterpart was always having to air out the room when the radio star went overboard. 

Eraserhead was normally very diligent about ensuring the window was sealed tight, but last night Toshinori had come home in a flurry of smoke and blood, sending his blond junior into hysterics. It was nothing serious, unfortunately, but Shouta had been the one to calm Hizashi and tend to the number ones injuries. Amidst all the ruckus he had left the window unlocked. 

You knew Shouta would soon realize his mistake and lock the window down tight, leaving you with a small time frame to enact your grand escape. It wasn't ideal, but the best you had been able to do was wait for both blonds to leave, trapping you in the house with Shouta. Normally he let you be during the day, opting to nap and grade what appeared to be homework. Hopefully today would seem like just another day, and he wouldn’t think to check on you until dinner approached. 

You found yourself perched on the window sill, ready to take flight. All you had were the clothes on your back, not wanting to make any suspicious noises that would tip you off. On the count of three you braced yourself and pushed off from the ledge, landing on the bushes below with a thud. 

Fuck, that was a bit louder than you had anticipated. Ignoring your growing anxiety, you made quick work of escaping the clutches of the now flattened bush and took off into the woods on the back half of the house. 

Your heart was hammering like mad in your chest as you sprinted as fast as you could. It was hardly fair that it was your first time outside in three weeks and you couldn’t even slow down to take it all in. Thankfully it was spring, meaning you wouldn’t have to worry about the cold. All you needed to do was find someone to get this stupid quirk canceling collar off and then you could safely recede into the background, making sure the three pros never found you again. 

Easier said than done when one of those pros was All Might, and the other two were just as formidable, but you’d be damned if you didn’t try. You did your best to not leave a trail behind, but knew once Shouta figured out you were gone he’d have no trouble tracing your tracks. It was the unfortunately shitty reality you were dealing with. 

Were you really going to be able to escape? Even now as you ran as fast as you could it felt like a fruitless endeavor. There were too many variables that had to line up perfectly in order for you to pull this off, and as you ran directionless through the woods no viable solutions were coming to you. Hell, even now your lungs were burning from exertion, legs begging you to stop. 

But if there was one thing that you were it was stubborn. Stubborn to a fault sometimes, and so you pushed onwards. After what felt like an eternity of non-stop running you slowed to a walk. The forest seemed never ending, taunting you with its sprawling army of trees and shrubbery. You decided to be more mindful of the tracks you were leaving, veering off course in a way that would hopefully go undetected. 

Now no longer running you simply kept your steps quiet and ears alert in case Shouta had already discovered your absence. He was good at his work, but even he had limitations. 

-----

Shouta had to give credit where credit was due, you were better at this than he thought you’d be. If you were his student he’d be proud, but you were his prey so he was a bit annoyed. At first your tracks had been sloppy, easy to follow and incredibly straight forward. At some point though you had changed your approach, footsteps almost vanishing as you adopted a new tactic. 

He found himself crouching low, inspecting leaves to see which you had accidentally broken. There were no more snapped limbs as you carefully maneuvered through the woods. If he wasn’t a pro at hunting people down you probably would have been able to evade him, but this was his livelihood. 

Ever so carefully he followed your almost invisible trail. He had you beat in endurance so you’d have to settle somewhere eventually, and without food and water you were at a distinct disadvantage. Everything was lining up in his favor as he intended, even if you were making this a little harder than expected. 

The anticipation of catching a glimpse of you, of watching you realize he was there and taking off, made his heart beat faster. The longer you evaded him, the more time he had to come up with a fun punishment for you. 

-----

The sun had been directly overhead at the beginning of your escape, and was now kissing the horizon. Oranges and reds were thrown about the woods as the creatures of the night began to wake from their slumber. You listened to see if you could hear the chirping of frogs to find a water source but no luck. 

There was no doubt in your mind that Shouta was 110% aware of your absence by now and was probably hot on your trail. You were zigzagging a bit, trying your best to not disturb the forest floor while making it harder to track you. Dammit this was the fucking worst, it had to have been at least 6 hours in these woods, and without any food or water you were famished. 

And yet despite wandering about for 6 fucking hours you had yet to see anything besides the woods. Maybe you should just give up, sit down and accept defeat and whatever punishment you had awaiting you. You couldn’t help but shiver a bit at the fear of what that would entail. 

As dusk quickly turned dark you debated on whether or not you were going to rest for the night. Visibility would be lower, giving you a slight edge, but Eraserhead was a night owl meaning you were entering his domain of peak performance. There was also no guessing if he was the only one looking for you. All Might could move faster than you could even comprehend and Present Mic was fine-tuned when it came to noise location. 

Sighing in annoyance as your wayward thoughts shot holes through your confidence you decided to find somewhere to try and lay down for a bit. If all three were out hunting you down they could take turns and overlap the time so you never got to rest. As busy as they should be with hero work they always seemed to find too much time to hover around you. 

Spotting some dense shrubbery, you crossed your fingers that any creepy crawlies would keep to themselves and carefully began to conceal yourself. Perhaps one of them would pass by and you could gain some intel. If you were lucky they’d write this area off after not finding you and search elsewhere. 

Settling as comfortably as one could in a bush you closed your eyes and did your best to focus on the sounds around you. The melodic chirping of crickets was the most overwhelming of all the sounds. Skittering of small forest animals echoing around as well. Your mind began to desensitize to those sounds, the lack of adrenaline that pushed you along at the start of all this causing it to dip into unconsciousness. 

That was until you heard the distinct snap of a branch. Eyes flying open you were on high alert as you kept still. You tried to hear if there would be any follow up sounds, knowing something of a decent size had to have broken the branch. If it had been a deer they would have simply kept moving, which made you all the more anxious. 

“No more tracks kitten, I know you’re here somewhere. This little game dragged on a lot longer than I had anticipated so it seems there won’t be any way to hide this from Zashi and Toshinori.” 

You wanted to scream. Even though you had tried your best it simply wasn’t enough against Eraserhead. 

“If you come out kitten I’ll give you one last shot to run. Those bushes over there look like a mighty fine hiding spot for someone of your size.” His voice was pointed directly towards you.

FUCK. You couldn’t tell if he was bluffing or not at this point but he knew you were here, might as well come out with some dignity before he dragged you out kicking and screaming. 

The bush rustled loudly as you forced your way out. You were tired, famished and most of all so frustrated you wanted to cry. You didn’t even need to look at him to know he had a condescending smirk plastered to his face. 

“There’s my pretty kitty, did you have fun outside?”

Shouta knew just what to say to strike a nerve, but you held your tongue. “One last shot to run. You said so yourself. Ditch the capture weapon and catch me like a man, I mean unless you don’t think you can. I’m already quirkiness which is your gimmick on a regular day, so really you're just beating on someone while they're already down.” You looked up now, glaring at him as his smile grew in amusement. 

“I’m going to have to be a lot more physical without it you know, I’ll have no choice but you manhandle you.”

“I’d rather take my chances.” You knew even without his capture weapon you didn’t stand much of a chance of escape. Your only goal now was to try and see how much he was willing to handicap himself. 

“Gonna give me a head start or are you going to just run as soon as I do?”

At this Shouta had to keep himself from snarking back at you. He had already given you a head start, but if he told you this was all set up you’d probably lose the will to fight on. “Five minutes. I’ll give you five minutes to run as far as you can and then I’ll come after you,” he said while pulling out his phone. 

“What about Toshinori and Hizashi?” 

“At the house. I told them I’d handle this, Toshinori will be coming to get us though once I tell him game over. We’re pretty deep in the woods and I don’t feel like walking back for six hours.”

You nodded at his words. So it was just the two of you then. Your combat skills were nothing to write home about, but maybe if you fought dirty you could gain the upper hand. 

“Alright, tell me when.”

“Oh, I already started it. You have 4 minutes and 17 seconds.”

Fucking asshole. You took off sprinting, running as fast as you could, only opting to slow to a jog once you thought you were out of earshot. You wanted him to believe you’d be trying your damndest to put distance between the two of you. But you knew you’d never outrun him. Instead you were going to continue jogging for a bit, counting down the seconds in your head so you didn’t lose track your timer. 

Once your remaining time was up you were going to lay low and try to ambush him. He wouldn’t be paying as close attention to your trail since he knew he could easily catch up. 

After the remaining 4 minutes had passed you found a decent sized tree to hide behind and worked on slowing down your breathing. It felt like your heart was going to chisel its way straight through your bones, your limbs trembling with anxiety. It wasn’t often you were hunted back when you were an anti-hero. Not many people knew who you were which made it incredibly easy to be looked over. 

Scooping up handfuls of dirt you waited. You heard him before you saw him. He wasn’t bothering to take it slow, seemingly eager to get it over with. He ran right past you, noticing you a second too late as dirt and debris were chucked straight into his face. 

He yelled out in surprise, hands reaching out to grab you but you jumped out of reach. True to his word his capture weapon was nowhere in sight. Screaming in anger you lunged at him, nails attempting to claw his face but his own larger hands were working on wiping off your dirt assault, effectively blocking you.  

He stumbled back a bit, unprepared for your hostility, before steadying himself and turning the tables back on you. In one swift motion his fist collided with your gut, forcing the air from your lungs. Your arms came down to protect where he had hit as you wheezed pathetically. Seconds later his larger frame came crashing into you, easily knocking you to the ground. 

You cried out in pain, head hitting the ground a bit too hard as stars danced behind your eyes.

“Not very smart of you Y/N, I mean it beats trying to outrun me, but really? Dirt? It’s like you want me to punish you or something.”

“GET OFF ME!” 

Placing a hand on the back of your head he pushed you down while his other arm pulled the lower half of your body flush against him. You could feel his erection pressing up against your ass.

You were a snarling sobbing mess at this point. All your emotions crashing down at once as you thrashed below Shouta.

“Easy now easy, calm down kitten. You did really good, better than I thought you were going to. If you calm down I might be willing to reduce your punishment, but you have to stop throwing a fit first.”

Despite his words Shouta was enjoying almost every second of your thrashing. The only thing he didn’t enjoy was knowing how disappointed you were right now. Anyone would be after coming so far. Now was his chance to make it up to you before giving Toshinori the go ahead. 

As your struggles subsided the only movement from your body was from your gentle sobs. Shouta for his part was slowly grinding his hard cock against your ass as he softly shushed you. 

“I know you’re disappointed kitten but I’ll make you feel better. If you’re a good girl for me I’ll be willing to look past that little dirt tactic. You’re such a smart girl though, you really did catch me by surprise.”

Leaning down he began to whisper into your ear, removing the hand from your head and bringing it down to your clothed pussy. 

“You always were resourceful, it’s one of the things I fell in love with about you. If only you were a hero, but then again if you were I wouldn’t have had the fun of hunting you down.”

You felt your stomach drop at his words. All three of them enjoyed reminiscing about how they first saw you and all their subsequent actions that lead to your imprisonment. The effort they had put into bringing you “home”. It was beyond disturbing. 

“Please Shouta, not here. Can we, can we just go home first?”

“Maybe if I had found you 4 hours ago, but right now you’re treading on very thin ice. Be a good girl for me and I’ll make sure Hizashi and Toshinori don’t punish you too harshly when we get back.”

His large hand was pawing at your clothed sex, black hair draping over your own face as his body curled around you. He slowly rutted against you, excited huffs of air ghosting across the side of your face. You could practically feel his heart vibrating against your back he was so worked up. 

He gently rubbed his stubble against the side of your face, composure slipping a bit. While Shouta absolutely loved how feisty you could be, nothing compared to when you submitted to him. He craved the feeling of your tired body giving in to his ministrations, but he needed more. 

His hand quickly slipped between your pants and underwear, index finger eagerly aiming for your folds. He couldn’t care less that you were sweaty and dirty from the hunt. Right now all he could think about was the softness of your exposed flesh, and much to his delight, the slight wetness to your outer lips. 

“Seems like someone likes being caught more than they let on hmm kitten?”

He couldn't help but taunt you a bit, loving the way you sniffled and whimpered beneath him. You knew when to behave yourself, when to be good for him. Arousal was flooding his veins. The way it felt to rub himself against your perfect ass, even through layers of clothes, had his mind blanking out. 

Your core was warm, even without him dipping a finger inside. Gently he began to delve deeper, gathering up your arousal to spread around. Your pants were starting to bother him a bit, retracting his hands he made quick work of not only your bottoms, but his as well. You remained still for him, opting to sulk like a child as he prepared to ravish you. 

You were too cute like this, and with the lower half of your body on full display he couldn't help but groan in delight. Bringing a hand down he slapped your ass hard, mesmerized by the way your flesh gave way. You yelped in surprise, body rutting forward. His cock twitched as he palmed your sore flesh, cooing softly in apology. You glared back at him, pretty little face set in a pout.

As much as he wanted to slap your ass until you cried for him to stop he restrained himself. Although this was a punishment, he had set you up. He would go easy on you, not forgetting his promise to himself to help you forget the frustration you were feeling right now. 

Whenever you got angry you opted to stop talking, instead waiting for a moment of weakness to strike or quietly accept your fate. Judging by your defeated expression he could safely assume the latter 

Folding himself over you he brought his hand back down to your pussy, thumb working slow circles on your clit while he middle finger delved deeper. Your entrance was a bit tight, but with gentle persistence he worked his way inside. 

Your velvety inner walls clamped down on him. He couldn’t help but rut his aching cock against your bare ass as his mind drifted to the feeling of you clamping down on his arousal instead. Your whines of protest only further spurring on his overwhelming need to be inside you. 

Adding a second finger he began to pump into you with a bit more urgency. Your slick was quickly coating his hand as he hit all the spots he knew would work you up to your orgasm. Groaning in delight he brought his lips to your exposed neck, sucking and nipping at your soft flesh. 

He loved when he could tell you were getting close. Your warm walls would clamp down on him, breathy mewls and moans escaping your soft lips. You were rocking back into him, uncaring of the fact that you were grinding against him as you chased your release. In these moments you abandoned your resolve to fight against him, and he happily took advantage of that. After all, if your body knew what you wanted, surely your mind would catch up one day.

Your moans were more audible now, hands grasping at the forest floor. Your back was arched into him, desperate to use him. So close, you were so close he knew it, and right before you could finish he pulled his hand away. He laughed as you huffed in frustration. 

“Shouta pl-please.” Fuck, he loved it when you begged. It didn’t happen often with how stubborn you were but when it did he knew he had to comply. 

Instead of verbally responding he opted to do what he wanted to all night long. Lining up the tip of his cock to your entrance he groaned at the heat radiating off you. Pumping his hand along his length a couple times to lube himself up with your excess fluid he pushed the tip in. You stilled beneath him, and in one swift movement he fully sheathed himself. 

His mind went blank as you cried out in pleasure, wet walls convulsing around him as your orgasm tore through you. He held still, opting to gently pet you while cooing softly down at you. Before he met you, even with Hizashi, he had never been very vocal during sex. But now he couldn’t stop himself from babbling a bit, praising you for being such a good girl. 

As your body stilled in his arms he continued to plant kisses along your delicate neck. Your soft sniffles made his heart clench a bit, how was it possible for you to be so damn cute? 

“Alright kitten now it’s my turn. No pulling anything stupid, I won’t take long.”

This whole hunt had been one giant tease, working him up in a way he normally wouldn’t allow himself. Pulling out he groaned at the feeling of his cock sliding against you. Moving his hands he grabbed your waist, eyes transfixed on where you were joined. Your back was arched as you braced yourself on your elbows, presenting yourself to him. 

His mind clouded over, blood opting to drag his attention elsewhere. He began to push back in, desperate to feel you surrounding him. Setting a tempo he pulled about halfway out before slamming back in, loving the way your body moved as you bounced off him. 

His hands dug into your supple flesh, possibly leaving bruises. He could feel the oncoming of his own orgasm, the muscles in his lower abdomen pulsating. He was panting, heart racing in his rib cage as his eyes rolled back into his head. He didn’t have the patience to edge himself today, he needed this, needed you.

He loved hearing the way your breath was forced from your lungs when he fully sheathed himself inside you. He knew he was overstimulating you a bit, but the part of him that needed to find his own release didn’t pay that fact much mind. All he could think about was the way it felt to be one with you, lost inside your soft warmth.  

After only a couple more minutes of relentlessly pounding into you he couldn’t hold it back any longer. A wave like sensation rushed through his body as his hips stuttered. He folded over you, wrapping his arms around you as he felt his hot cum rush through his cock and fill your body. The emotions rushing through him as he released into you, the woman he loved, were indescribable.

It didn’t take long for his muscles to relax, euphoria swept away by the need to take a nap washing over him. You had long since stopped crying, remaining motionless beneath him. He wondered what was going through your mind as he held you flush against him.

“Sho-Shouta.” So meek, so quiet. His heart fluttered a bit. “Can we go home now... I want to take a shower.”

Chuckling softly he pulled himself out, groaning a bit at the feeling of overstimulation as your warm walls dragged against him. Leaning away he smiled as his cum leaked out your pussy. 

“Yes kitten we can go home. I’ll make sure to clean you up.”

You groaned in protest, hating when they insisted on washing you. He knew you liked your privacy but Hizashi and Toshinori were still going to want to punish you. He’d keep close by to keep them from being too harsh. 

Pulling up his pants he fished his phone out of his pocket, rolling his eyes at the sheer quantity of missed calls from the two aforementioned. Poor little kitten, it didn’t look like you’d be getting off easy. 

[izukult]

及川 - oikawa toru | well, this is getting out of hand

my second post in my collab with @chubbybunny111 called ‘well, this is getting out of hand’!! find the masterlist for our lil valentine event here ! can be read in the series or separate! it’s just about hands & makeup baby

warnings: swearing like once, toru is toru, my writing choices🤨

you often think oikawa toru is too loud. he’s brash, aggressive and annoying and childish. you sometimes wonder if he thinks the same things about himself. a huff leaves his lips, and no matter how much you know it’s coming you can never prepare yourself for the tinge of a whine in his voice.

“c’mon y/n-chan! please? who would make a better model than me?”

“anyone.” he was quick to shoot you a glare, eyes narrowing at you.

“oh, i understand.” you also think oikawa is too confident, sometimes especially where confidence isn’t due. “you think i’m pretty enough already and i don’t need makeup. well, i’m flattered, really.”

“uh huh.” he groaned, and you think you reached a personal achievement by not staring when he tilted his head back in annoyance.

“who would’ve thought my own partner- my other half- could be so cruel.” you cracked a grin at that, eyes rolling as a noise of disgust left your lips.

“other half? call me that again and you’re single, toru.” it was almost always easy to tell what he would do next. the way he presents himself is transparent to anyone who looked hard enough, predictable and repeatable. but, you still laughed at his gasp.

sometimes, you think oikawa is simple. a textbook ‘love and be loved, give and get given’ case. he’s routine in the way he exhibits himself.

“i’ll do your makeup, you big crybaby.” it could be argued that you’re simple, too. it was an unspoken rule between you two, not to call what the other was really thinking unless it was necessary. the same way you knew his face would light up, he knew you would say yes. “go lay down.”

you hate how pretty he looks when he sits down; but it’s even worse when he lays flat on his back and sprawls his arms out by his sides.

and you can’t help but think how unfair it is that you’re in this position, as you move to gingerly sit on top of him. your knees support you on either sides of his torso, and your breath gets caught in your throat at his smile.

oikawa toru is too smug, exasperatingly theatric in everything he does— and it drags everything to him and with him and from him.

you’re ashamed at how quickly your eyes move to his face; you’re not surprised that his eyes are already on yours.

you lifted a hand to brush hair briefly from his eyes, while his own moved to settle on your hip. you can’t tell who will break first, split the silence between you two with another false display of self.

he was quiet as you brought out your brushes, but his touch was so loud. you glanced down (a mistake if you’ve ever made one), eyes briefly zeroing in on the veins in his arms, prominent and pretty, guiding down to your skin.

you couldn’t help but guess how long it would take for you to both stop being so afraid. you figured it wouldn’t be soon at how fast your heart started racing when he hummed, his eyes closing as you lightly moved your brush up, painting his cheekbones with blush.

“you’re right, you should’ve been doing this the whole time,” your body was slanted, any and all core strength you had working at keeping yourself in a moderately upright position.

it was hard to be around toru, none the less when his thumb was circling your hip bone. your eyes moved from his cheeks to his arms (like always), down to his hand.

his fingers were worn, exhausted and strong from years of volleyball. his skin was rough, but he always touched you so soft. he often let out little glimpses of himself in his fists, displayed bits and pieces of his personality in the way he moved them.

your eyes traced the veins, effortlessly following every line to its starting point. his fingers bent as he carefully gripped your side, the action a quiet declaration of love.

you sighed quietly, reaching back into your bag to grab a small tube. you leaned back down over him, chest adjacent with his as you focused your attention back to his face. you squinted, opening the cap and bringing the soft lip tint to his mouth.

“stay still,” the order was delayed, pointless after you’d already started applying it.

maybe this is why you hadn’t wanted to do this. your heart ached as you pulled back, overwhelmed with how ethereal he felt.

“wow,” you barely uttered it, accidental and quiet and untouched by insecurity.

“that good, huh?” toru had a warped sense of humor, you judged at the joking in his tone, because it was that fucking good. your nod was short and sweet, cherishing him the best it could. maybe you weren’t simple. maybe you couldn’t wrap your head around your feelings for toru because they were the only simple thing in your life.

your hip felt heavy when he moved his hand from it to take the lip tint from you. his free one found its place on your cheek, his palm opening perfectly to fit the curvature of your jaw. his silence was melodic as he copied your actions from earlier, staining your own lips with the color.

“now we match.” you turned your head, pressing a delicate kiss to the pad of his hand— or maybe his hand was the delicate one.

“now we match.” you repeated him, smile evident in your voice. oikawa toru was complex, you decided. a paradox between flamboyant and restrained, and you wondered when the presentation stopped and he started. you had to assume he was scared, too, with the way he held you in such fragile contempt.

your hand traced what your eyes had earlier until you found his, lightly pushing the lipstick from his fingers, replacing it with your smaller ones. your gaze fixated on how nice they looked together— matching. and you couldn’t help but think maybe that’s how you two looked, as you sat in the quiet of oikawa toru.

taglist: @nachotrash @itsmeaudrieee @snoozless

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Zyphus, the Grim Harvestman

Neutral Evil God of Accidental Deaths, Graveyards, and Tragedies

Domains: Death, Destruction, Evil, Plant, War Subdomains: Blood, Catastrophe, Daemon, Decay, Murder, Thorns, Undead

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 88~93

Obedience: Spend an hour sitting on the grave of someone who suffered an accidental death. You must reflect on how chance has wronged you and vocally reject the influence of any gods associated with these wrongs. If no suitable grave exists, spend an hour telling strangers how their religious beliefs and hopes for a just afterlife are folly and of no consequence. Alternatively, you can write this screed and post it in a public place within a settlement. If you’re away from civilization, you can instead spend an hour sabotaging a path, bridge, tool, or other device so that it’s dangerous for the next person who uses it. Benefit: You gain a +4 profane bonus on Craft (traps) or Disable Device checks, chosen when you complete the obedience. 

i’m glad the grim harvestman covers his basis but also jesus

Anyway, Zyphus is one of the most petty and spiteful of the gods, and this is no better shown than in this Obedience. A typical adventurer wandering the countryside must actively make the world a worse place for everyone else involved, and the clause “next person who uses it” means that you have to either toss aside your party’s good will, or take up the dreaded spot at the back of the marching order. Should you find yourself in a public area, you become just as much of an obnoxious git as a follower of Groetus, except this time you’re personally spitting on their beliefs... However, if you wish to be significantly more tolerated by society, you should do as Zyphus encourages his followers to do and disguise yourself as a Pharasmin or the faithful of another god of order and afterlives and very carefully disguise your blasphemy as “misguided” teachings. At worst, you can feign ignorance and/or explain that you’re new to the faith and had no idea that what you’re saying is wrong. You can even blame other Zyphans for muddying your understanding of the truth, an act I’m sure the Harvestman finds extra ironic!

Telling someone that their practices don’t matter because Pharasma has already decided your fate is the easiest way to go, and the best part is it’s not even inaccurate! NPCs don’t have the spiritual freedom PCs do, so their path is already nearly impossible to change! Get pranked, idiots! Masquerading as one of Pharasma’s flock comes in especially handy when performing the first and ‘easiest’ ritual, as well, because tending to graves is something the Lady of Graves wants people to do in the first place. Make sure to be careful with how you word your vocal casting away of the god’s will, however, or you may arouse more suspicion than you soothe.

The benefit is subpar. Crafting traps is alright, but you’ve likely got better things to use your gold on--wait, there’s no restriction on the CR of traps you can craft, so long as you can beat the DC and have the gold? Well. Go crazy, go stupid, I guess! Here’s a list of everything you can make! The most cost-efficient and useful, however, is the CR 1 bear trap, which--make no mistake--will absolutely shred lower level encounters, but will lose a lot of its spark later on. At least it costs basically nothing to make! Traps are usually the domain of the DMs, but if you need to hold an area? They can come in very, very handy. Otherwise, you’re just leaving them behind you on lonely roads in the hopes some fool will step on them.

Disable Device is normally the way you want to go, shutting off traps that could be a potentially lethal danger for most of the party at most levels. And, of course, rearming them so some fool behind you can stumble into them later. Even if your adventure doesn’t contain many traps, you should never underestimate the strength there is in doing something as simple as popping a lock.

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. As Zyphus is a true deity and does not require Fiendish Obedience, you earn the right to enter the classes earlier than those who serve fiends!

-------- EVANGELIST --------

Boon 1: Champion of Cruel Chance. Gain Deathwatch 3/day, False Life 2/day, or Healing Thief 1/day.

Decent all around! And by “decent” I mean “they have niche uses, but shine in those uses.” Healing Thief is the most interesting one, establishing a link between you and a creature you touch that causes the victim to heal only half as much from magical or supernatural means, with you gaining the other half. Creatures who gain Fast Healing or Regeneration through supernatural circumstances can become a boon to you, while enemies relying on Channeled positive energy or in-combat healing will find themselves struggling. The best part is that it doesn’t even offer a saving throw!

Of course, it’s still a touch attack, and you have to remain within an extremely tight radius around the enemy (25ft + 5ft/level) to maintain the siphon. This is a little riskier than I’d like, not to mention it’s completely useless if your foe doesn’t use any in-combat healing. Also, at only 1/day, I’d probably settle for the significantly more boring False Life for a nice 1d10+8 (up to +10) temp HP that lasts for a million years. It’s not much, but you can use it twice and it might stop some scratch damage, and every point between you and 0 HP is nice.

Deathwatch lets you instantly know if you’re looking at an Undead or disguised Construct, which is its primary function in my book. With a duration of 10 min/level, it’s likely to last for entire dungeon floors and makes you an expert at calling out foes who’re on their last legs but otherwise looking healthy. It’s a decent spell if you’re unsure of what you’re going up against or want to be the pointman for your team, but otherwise False Life is the typical go-to.

Boon 2: Resiliency. 1/day, you can gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your Hit Dice, lasting for 1 minute. Activating this ability is an immediate action that can be performed only when you would be brought below 0 hit points, and can be used to prevent you from dying. If you have the Resiliency ability from another source, you can activate these abilities separately or as part of the same immediate action.

As far as I can tell, there is exactly one source for the Resiliency ability as it’s written here, and that’s a single Rogue Talent. It’s... eeeeeegh, not so good. It lets you stall death’s timer for a single minute, usually long enough to end the battle (or be ended) and get some real healing. It will likely save your life at least once in a campaign, but the goal here is to avoid being brought to 0 in the first place! Especially since this will, if obtained ASAP, only shield you for 11 HP, which is one--maybe two--attacks from a creature with a similar CR and basically nothing against spells being flung around at that level. This Boon is actually worse in many ways than just giving +1 HP per HD you have, especially since you technically already have access to the same amount of temp HP in False Life.

I suppose the most amusing use of this power is to fake being down and out until your foe turns away, but that carries risks of its own. If you’re brought to -20 or something and the temp HP only takes you to -5, you’re still knocked out but at least have some mercy time before you start dying for real. I’d advocate for combining this with Diehard if you want to get the most out of it, because otherwise this is an extremely subpar “Life Insurance” Boon that will really only impress the group maybe once or twice in a campaign and be boring or underwhelming in all other moments.

I’d want it to be at least 2 or even 3/day.

Boon 3: Tragic Minion. By spending 1 minute praying over the corpse of a Humanoid opponent or a Humanoid who has died a tragic death, you can summon an Allip to serve you. Unlike a normal Allip, this Allip is of an alignment that matches yours, and has a number of hit points equal to half your total. It receives a +4 bonus on Will saves to halve the damage from channeled positive energy, and it can’t be turned or commanded. This Allip serves as a companion to you and can communicate intelligibly with you despite its madness. You can dismiss it as a standard action. If the Allip is destroyed or dismissed, you can’t summon another for 7 days. This ability allows you to have only one Allip companion at a time.

Oh, that’s cute! You get a little insane friend! Unfortunately, as you can see here, it’s about 10 levels too late to actually be useful. At the level you can finally summon one, your Allips are extremely fragile, as even with their boosted HP they’re still only protected by an AC of 14 and no outstanding resistances aside from their incorporeality. Enemies with magic weapons are almost a certainty by level 14, and even enemies without magic weapons will rarely ever fail their save against the Allip’s Touch of Madness, whose save DC doesn’t scale past 15. You’d be relying wholly on it scoring critical hits, which make the Wisdom damage and drain irresistible, but that’s obviously not viable.

Really, all parts of Tragic Minion are ironically accurate. The Allip can’t even really serve as a scout, because they constantly Babble to themselves in a way that hypnotizes everyone within 60ft of them. Even with their +8 Stealth, a bunch of mooks suddenly stopping and standing still will alert enemies who can succeed the DC 15 Will save that something strange is going on. Adding in that Allips have no ability to hide or disguise themselves, just walking around with one is enough to turn heads. And don’t even think about just dismissing it and summoning another one, or using it in combat with any level-appropriate foe, or this is a blank Boon for an entire week!

Seriously, the 7 day ban on summoning another one is a serious kick in the teeth when the “only one at a time” limit was restrictive enough. You’d think Zyphus would be happy to grant his most powerful Evangelists more than one CR 3 minion at a time, but no! If you lose this extremely fragile minion, no more for 7 days! That’ll teach you to take good care of your toys! And that’s more or less the Allip is; a toy. An accessory.

-------- EXALTED --------

Boon 1: Catalyst of Destruction. Gain Break 3/day, Find Traps 2/day, or Spiked Pit 1/day.

Well I certainly hope there’s traps, given who you’re working for! But it’s good to have insurance that they’re not aimed at you. Find Traps lasts a decent time (1 min/level) and grants a monstrous Perception bonus to spotting them, automatically triggering a Perception check if you draw too close to a trap as well which--depending on how you interpret the spell--alerts you to the fact one is nearby even if you don’t see it. Then you can use Zyphus’ granted +4 to Disable Device to knock it out!

Break can have its uses, shattering enemy equipment even as they wield it. Just remember that targeting an attended object allows the wielder to make a saving throw in its place, while an unattended object gets no saving throw (provided it’s nonmagical). And since Break targets Fortitude, it’s not likely to affect the targets you’d really need it to (Fighters in heavy armor and Barbarians with big weapons), but if your teammates can knock their weapons from their hands, they’re free game. However, the use of Break in combat doesn’t nearly compare to what it can do out of combat; weakening doorways, crumbling containers, sabotaging enemy equipment they’d otherwise grab later, and cracking open items made of skymetal. Note that a second casting of Break outright destroys an item that’s already broken, and you have three each day! Personally, I’d save it for the times you need to sabotage something or bypass a small obstacle, rather than risk a high-Fort-save enemy succeeding in combat and wasting your turn.

And I’ve spoken about Spiked Pit before, here and here, but to reiterate:  it’s a pseudo Save-or-Suck that seriously waste the time of anything without a decent Strength score or some Climb skill as they crawl back out of the pit, while you and your allies either deal with other foes, or rain destruction down on them from above. Even if the victim makes their initial save, the pit doesn’t go anywhere, letting you push your targets in one at a time if need be. Since it’s literally just a huge hole in the ground, you can even hurl multiple enemies inside! AND it’s filled with damaging spikes! The spikes don’t do much, but every little bit helps.

Boon 2: Ever Vigilant. You are protected by a constant Death Ward, The immunity to energy drain ends after the effect has prevented a number of negative levels equal to your Hit Dice*, which resets when you next perform your Obedience. In addition, you gain a +2 profane bonus on saving throws against effects that occur before your first turn in combat.

*it says “Exalted level” but that would mean that this could have zero effect if you don’t class into it, so it’s been changed to prevent it from being a dead Boon.

Huh, this is pretty g--wait. Hold on, let me read this a little closer

“The subject gains a +4 morale bonus on saves against all death spells and magical death effects. The subject is granted a save to negate such effects even if one is not normally allowed. The subject is immune to energy drain and any negative energy effects, including channeled negative energy.“

and what did Ever Vigilant say? “The immunity to energy drain ends--”? But that implies that the rest of Death Ward stays up, right? ... right :)

A lot of Boons grant you an everlasting spell effect for your trouble, but none of them are quite as potent as this one. Death Ward UTTERLY stops negative energy effects, crushing the entire school of Necromancy underfoot, crippling the offensive power of most forms of Undead, and ironically making the devotees of the God of Tragic Death some of the hardest sons of guns to actually tragically kill. Even if an incoming death effect offered no save (such as Power Word Kill), Death Ward forces one, and because you’re Ever Vigilant you don’t even have to know you’re going to face one to begin with!

Also, a universal +2 bonus to saves when out of combat, and for the first round in combat! A nice and cute addition, making it slightly harder for enemy casters or monsters relying on their powers to get the jump on you. Ever Vigilant makes you one of the best Undead hunters out there... Which is why it’s--ironically--tragic that Zyphus, an Evil god, gives it out. In an Evil vs Good campaign, you’re not likely to actually be combating enemies who use negative energy, death effects, or anything else Death Ward protects against. The real sauce in this ability comes from an Evil vs Evil campaign, or a campaign in which you’re pretending to be Good, or at least Neutral! Just... make sure it ends before level 14, because...

Boon 3: Visitor From Abaddon. 1/day as a standard action, you can summon a pair of Greater Ceustodaemons as if with Summon Monster II, and gain telepathy with them to a range of 100 feet. The Ceustodaemons follow your commands perfectly for 1 round per Hit Die you possess before vanishing back to their home on Abaddon. The Ceustodaemons don’t follow commands that would cause them to perform overly good acts or save mortal lives other than your own, and they immediately vanish if your orders contradict these restrictions.

...it’s going to be very difficult why a Pharasmin can summon two daemonic gorilla-men who breathe electricity. Ceustodaemons are bred to be the dumb muscle of Abaddon, but they’re still capable warriors in their own right with decently damaging claws (2d6+6) and a bite (1d6+6) and the ability to exhale 6d6 points worth of Electricity damage in a 30ft cone. There’s also their spell-likes, an at-will Dimension Door letting them infiltrate and scout for you, a 3/day Fly to make your party a nightmare to fight, and a 3/day Dispel Magic to crack enemy magic open.

However, they’re only CR 7, unlikely to stand up on their own against level-appropriate threats. So, the key here? Don’t use them against level-appropriate threats, as is normal with summons dramatically weaker than you are. They’re terrors that shine brightest against enemies hovering around the CR 10 or so range, their resilience and immunity against--and I’m not exaggerating--nearly every status effect in the game except petrification and their DR 10/Good or Silver letting them slug it out with mid-level foes and rip apart nearly anything else lower than that.

There’s also the fact that they can be summoned as a standard action with a range of Close, letting you teleport your gorilla fiends right at the enemy’s vulnerable backline or in front of their melee bruisers to tie them up while the rest of your team flanks. The standard action summoning is the biggest treat here, because being able to have two more beefy bodies available immediately shifts any battle in your favor... But know that if your campaign keeps going past level 14, your gorilla men are going to have a harder and harder time standing up to level-appropriate enemies, and it’ll eventually cause them to be summoned to fight against minibosses only or--eugh--being sent on scouting missions. They’re good at them, mind, but you know how it is.

At their absolute worst, though, they’re still six castings of both Fly and Dispel Magic. There’s worse things out there.

-------- SENTINEL --------

Boon 1: Walking Disaster. Gain Bungle 3/day, Spontaneous Immolation2/day, or Deadly Juggernaut 1/day.

Bungle is a fun spell, slapping a target with an insurmountable -20 penalty to their next attack roll or check requiring a d20 roll, but since the spell is only level 1 and takes your concentration to maintain, it’s not likely going to stick. Granted, it lingers for 2 rounds after you stop concentrating so you can focus elsewhere, so there’s certainly worse spells to use... but it only affects one attack roll or check at a level where most enemies have two or even three attacks, making it significantly less useful than it looks. It’s best if you use it out of combat to scramble a skill check a foe is trying to use, but it’s negated by a Will save entirely so it loses a lot of potential oomph. And I just read the spell even closer and it says it only works on Humanoid targets, so it’s even worse than I previously thought!

Spontaneous Immolation is infinitely funnier to use, anyway. Why make someone flub a speech or fail an Escape Artist check when you could have them suddenly burst into flames from within? With no component requirements, Spontaneous Immolation is TRULY spontaneous, the victim exploding into fire without having an idea of the source. You could potentially make people believe it’s the wrath of your god, the power of some curse you possess, or even the wrath of their god if you can spin it well enough. The damage is middling--3d6--and is halved on a successful save, but it’s got a range of Medium and sets its victim alight if they fail their save so you can create a single spark in a crowd that becomes a roaring inferno as the panicking victim grabs onto whatever they can to try and put themselves out.

As God of Sudden Death, it’s a perfect spell for both in and out of combat, slaying random citizens in bursts of horror and pain they’d have no chance to realize is coming, I’m sure Zyphus approves of using it to malice citizens just as much as he enjoys watching his faith’s foes burst into flames. This leaves Deadly Juggernaut, a spell that a martial character such as yourself would normally LOVE getting... if it weren’t for the final clause stating that the effect doesn’t trigger unless you slay a foe within 4 HD of yourself. While that prevents the effect from being exploited with a Sack Of Rats, it also makes it far less likely to activate if you’re fighting swarms of lower-level enemies. It DOES mean that battling creatures of roughly equal strength to your party has some pretty high snowball potential, but since you, personally, have to reduce the target to 0 HP, unless you’re the party’s DPS you may just end up missing out on most of the spell.

I’d personally just tuck Makes You Explode under your belt each day. If nothing else, it’s a funny prank to pull on the locals.

Boon 2: Tragic Accident. 1/day as part of a successful attack, you can target your opponent with either Inflict Critical Wounds or Poison as a free action. The DC for this ability is (10 + 1/2 your Hit Dice + your Cha mod). You don’t have to declare the use of this ability until you know the attack is successful.

More than almost any other god I think I’ve encountered, Zyphus encourages lying, subterfuge, and you looking as harmless as possible. Even the ostensible God of Secrets and Murder, Norbergorberburgerhurger, inspires less subtlety in me than Zyphus, because his domain is specifically accidental deaths. You gotta make your kills look like mistakes no one could have seen coming, which makes Tragic Accident yet another tool in inspiring fear and terror than actually being useful in a fight.

Give someone a playful slug on the shoulder and scream as they fall over, dead. Deck some guy who’s hitting on you in a bar in the chest and feign horror as he suffers an apparently fatal heart attack as Poison rips through his body. Hit someone with a blowdart or even just hurl a pebble at someone and strike them down with nearly no trace, since this ability can work with ranged attacks as well. Coming up with subtle ways to use this power out of combat is significantly more fun than thinking of ways to use it in battle, because as a 1/day negated (or halved, in Critical Wounds’ case) by a save is just asking to be disappointed.

Especially in the case of Poison, because if you want someone dead in combat, hitting them usually works better than slowly, slowly, slowly hoping and praying that their Con hits 0. Inflict Critical Wounds is a little more useful if you’re using it to speed up an opponent’s death in combat, dealing 4d8+11 (+1 per level) damage... or healing an Undead ally. Yes, you have to hit with an attack, but as I’ve already stated above, the attack doesn’t have to deal much--or ANY--real damage to trigger a Tragic Accident. I do appreciate that Zyphus assures your attack connects before you trigger this ability, a lot of other Boons are not so gracious. Like...

Boon 3: Unfairness of the World. 1/day, you may fill an attack with negative energy. You must declare your use of this ability before you roll the attack roll; on a hit, the target gains a number of negative levels equal to 3 + 1/2 your Hit Dice unless it succeeds at a Fortitude saving throw (the DC for this ability is the same as Tragic Accident’s DC). If you openly wear an unholy symbol of Zyphus, the saving throw DC to resist this effect increases by 2.

... This one!

Hah. Well. Whatever you hit with this is dead. Like, straight up dead. The name of this Boon is as accurate as can be. There is NO recovering from being slapped with ten negative levels (+1 for every 2 levels you have!), because even if your victim survives the initial onslaught of energy, that’s a -10 to every single roll they make and the loss of some or even all of their high-level spells and most potent abilities. This isn’t so much a Save-or-Suck as it is the mother of all signals for your entire party to unload every SoS they have on their person upon your victim.

IF it lands.

Because not only do you have to succeed an attack roll to use this ability or have it dissolve into the aether, but they also have to fail a Fortitude save. That’s two possible points of failure for this ability which seriously reins in its potential, but with just a LITTLE bit of setup you can cut your unfortunate victim in half. It’s definitely both a possible end to a fight AND something you can smite a random citizen with by using the same “things that count as an attack roll” exploits I listed Tragic Accident. By the time you get this power, you can also shamelessly reveal your faith in the Harvestman to make the DC 2 higher, but you may want to keep that to yourself if you’re still masquerading as something else, breaking it out only for boss fights.

Most gods in Inner Sea Faiths leave a lot to be desired, so it’s nice to see a god give so generously! It’s just too bad it has to be the God of Pettiness and Inconvenience.

You can read more about him here.

[yan-twst]

( @crazyyanderefangirlfan (〃ω〃) here you go! since you didnt specificy any letters i did the whole thing! it is a long post so i'll put it under a read more!)

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Very strictly- Sebek has a rather particular form of showing love. Whenever he takes his darling out in public he will expect absolute perfect behaviour- no PDA, no speaking unless spoken to. However, he'll become more affectionate behind closed doors: he's still quite shy, so even just kissing or cuddling his darling is sometimes too much and he'll have to go cool off.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Not as much as one would expect. Even though he is definitely well trained and strong enough to stand his ground and his darling's, he is working for Lord Maleus- he can't have his actions sully his lord's name! However, if he accidentally snaps or gets out of hand, he might go beg Lilia for help, and the older fae will certainly make any trace of Sebek's violence disappear.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He won't mock them, but he is so demanding and high-strung that he comes off as cruel. He expects his darling to serve Maleus too, but obey him at the same time- any time his darling fails at a task, or even worse, fail at something Maleus asked, they'll be subject to get yelled at for hours by Sebek.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He won't touch his darling for affection if they tell him not to- however, he will absolutely order them around without much remorse. His darling is living on a tight schedule set by him, and any rupture to this structured lifestyle might earn them a lecture or a slap if Sebek is at his absolute limit.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

He is constantly trying to be the best guard for Maleus, always on guard and ready to pounce. Even though realistically Maleus doesn't expect that much from him, Sebek still feels pressured- he might cry into his darling's chest on particularly bad nights, asking for reassurance that he's doing a good job protecting Maleus and being their partner. If his darling doesn't comfort him, he won't punish them- however he'll be in an extremely bad mood all week, which is never good for anyone.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He's outraged at this behaviour! How dare his darling act out against him?! He's already too busy with school and guardinh Maleus- these actions will not be tolerated. As much as it hurts his heart, he might have to use some painful magic in order to teach his darling a lesson- although he'll definitely cry when he sees his darling in pain, it's something he must do.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No, it's not. Sebek is quite serious about this relationship- he truly believes that all he does will help shape his darling into an ideal person, and that together they can protect Maleus. He won't tolerate any attempts to escape: after the very first one, he'll get Lilia to put any sort of ancient spell on his darling so they cannot escape. Hell, even Maleus might throw in a curse for Sebek's darling not to run away: the two ancient fae find Sebek's infatuation quite entertaining.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

If his darling ever attempted to hurt Maleus, Sebek would have no mercy in punishing them. He would have tears in his eyes as he cast painful hexes on his darling, leaving them chained up in one of Diasomnia's towers for days on end to starve and suffer under the intense magic. It's bad enough that Lilia has to be the one to put a stop to it, before Sebek caused irreversible damage to his darling's body and mind.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He only has one goal in life, and that is to protect Maleus. He expects his darling to do the same- after all, he believes he can train them into a guard almost as perfect as him! He doesn't have concrete plans for after graduation- he does expect to marry his darling, but it's likely he'll keep by Maleus' side, so his darling better enjoy their new job!

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

It highly depends on who it is that interacts or talks with his darling. If it's people he trusts, like Lilia or Maleus (and even Silver, to an extent) he'll simply keep an eye on them while they're near his darling. Because he knows any bad action of him could bring disgrace to Maleus, he grits his teeth and bears it when he hears other students talk about his darling, although he might snap if he finds himself alone face-to-face with one of these people later.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

When it's just him and his darling, he's shokingly shy. Holding hands is enough tl send his heart into a frenzy and make his whole face red- a kiss could probably kill him. It's like that at first; he doesn't want to scare his darling, but as much as he's shy, he's also... Very, very eager. Expect makeout session when he gets random bursts of courage- although later he'll be so embarrassed he won't even look his darling in the eyes... Until he gets the urge to be close to them again...

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Before kidnapping them, he was both very obvious and yet ignorant to his own feelings. Everyone knew he liked his darling based on how much attention he'd pay to them (and by how much he'd scold them for "trying to distract him"). When he finally has his darling to himself- aka when Maleus asks the headmaster to transfer Sebek's darling to Diasomnia (and Crowley knows better than to refuse: Maleus is too powerful to risk angering) and Sebek keeps them with him at all times- he continues this behaviour, although he already accepted he's deeply in love.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He's much more tender than he lets on. Even though everyone knows how loud and competitive he is, nobody would guess how soft he is when he's with his beloved. Also, he's very physically needy but shy at the same time: he seeks his darling's affections but never dares vocalise what he wants. His darling better be good at reading his mood, because giving him love when he wants it is the best way to keep him a relatively tolerable partner.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

If it's a spur of the moment thing, he might slap them- however that's as much as he'd harm them in the bodily sense. He feels too bad when he physically hurts his darling, so when punishment is necessary he opts for isolation and magic. He'll read up on hexes and cursed that cause feelings of pain, but no actual bodily harm- he'll still feel incredible sad when he hears his darling scream and cry in pain wherever he locked them up, but he'll take some comfort knowing the pain they feel is "fake" and their body will be fine once the spell wears off

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

If his darling wasn't in Diasomnia before, they are now- and they share a room with him. He'll still let his darling attend to classes; however, the second a class is over they must report back to him. There isn't even any chance for them to ask for help: Sebek will absolutely go the extra mile to find any curse or spell that will force his darling to not be able to talk about their current dilemma. Aside from classes, every waking moment of his darling's time is spent with Sebek.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Not very. He's always high-strung and ready to reprimand someone for not adressing lord Maleus correctly: he has very little tolerance for mistakes or misbehaviours in his darling's part. Luckily he rarely truly "punishes" his darling: for the most part he loudly reprimands them for a couple hours.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He would be devastated. Death, escape- whatever it was, it simply showed he failed as a lover. He'd definitely blame himself for not being careful enough- and he wouldn't be able to replace his darling, ever. He'll probably grow and marry whatever fae woman crosses his path just to get people to shut up about how he's "worryingly lonely", but he's definitely broken inside for the rest of his life.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No? Why would he? He isn't doing anything wrong- at least that's what Lilia told him (in fact Lilia knows how messed up the whole ordeal is, but... Hey! Free entertainment for him!). Besides, he's definitely helping his darling improve by forcing them to stick to his strict schedule. They should be happy! Thanks to him they get the privileged job of watching over Maleus by his side.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He's been training his whole life to protect his lord. There simply wasn't any room for love before, and he'd never dealt with such strong emotions. His naturally intense attitude love advice coming from an equally inexperienced Maleus and definitely malicious love advice coming from Lilia who just wanted to see how far Sebek would take it, combined with how much he discovered he enjoyed affection and praise from his darling, ended up being a mix that sealed his darling's fate.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Confusion and guilt. Is this- is this his fault? He definitely panics: he's never had to comfort someone like this in his life. He'll force his darling into bed and tuck them in, trying to confort them how he best remembers babies are comforted- however, if his darling was crying because of him, he'll probably make it even worse with all his attempts to "help".

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

His darling isn't gone from the public's eye: everyone knows very well they are currently in Diasomnia and always by Sebek's side. He isn't trying to keep his darlin for himself only- he truly doesn't mind if they have to interact with teachers during class, or if they have to be seen by classmates. His darling never goes missing: they are just always, ALWAYS, by his side.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

There's not much his darling can do to escape. Sure, his easy to fluster side would be almost too easy to exploit- if his darling took initiative and kissed him, and encouraged him to get handsy, he'd get so overwhelmed and flustered he'd have to excuse himself to "cool off" for a good while. However- because his darling is already hexed and cursed and under god knows how many tracking and entrapment spells, it's an useless endeavour.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Again, he'll never go further than a slap. He's very hesitant to hurt his darling with his hands- however he really won't hesitate to place any sort of spell to cause unbearable, writhing pain on his darling if he believes they deserve it.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Praise him too much and let him get too much confidence and suddenly he's all over his darling. He'd never admit it, but he's a bit of a pervert- he'd probably spent hours staring at his darling before, and now he can't keep his hands off them. But once he regains composure he immediately scrambles off- no! He only serves Maleus!

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

It really doesn't take long. He's never felt this way before, and his trusted seniors are telling him to just act on those dark impulses so... Why not?

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

It wouldn't be shoking. The tight schedule, the expectations, the mental torture of his punishments- his darling is bound to break eventually. Sebek would wonder why his darling's eyes are suddenly so lifeless, and why they speak so robotically- it's like they're just repeating the same words of praise to him without meaning it, barely even talking anymore. However, he doesn't mind: even though his darling isn't fit to be Maleus' guard anymore, they're still his darling- he might even feel less ashamed of affection with a darling so utterly broken!

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XV)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX

When Sirius Black walked into the run-down little coffee shop that Remus worked at, he looked extremely out of place. The Daily Grind was one of those cafes that had mismatched furniture and paintings from local artists on the wall. It wasn't glamorous, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it felt comfortable— homey. Remus was willing to bet that Sirius had never set foot in a cafe like this, preferring to get his coffee from Starbucks or a butler in a tuxedo or something. 

The first thing that Remus noticed about Sirius was that he was wearing a suit, like always, with his long hair in a loose bun and his posture stiffer than a board. He glanced around him, scanning the room, until his eyes met with Remus' and his jaw tightened. Remus forced himself to smile politely, offering the gallery owner a small wave. Sirius made his way over to Remus' table, his typical saunter less noticeable now that he was in an unfamiliar environment.

"Good evening, Sirius. Thank you for joining me." Remus kept his tone courteous, his words formal. He knew that he would have trouble relaxing around Sirius. The two of them had a business relationship exclusively; meeting up socially was strange and unprecedented.

Sirius' mouth twisted into what Remus could only assume was an attempt at a grin. 

"Remus," he muttered stiffly, giving a firm nod. He glanced down at the empty chair in front of Remus, but remained standing. Remus felt his shoulders tighten in discomfort.

"Please… have a seat." Remus gestured towards the empty chair and Sirius nodded again before sitting down. "Uh… thanks for meeting me."

He didn't know what else to say. Seeing Sirius in the cafe wasn't quite as hilarious has Remus had anticipated; instead, the two men were both uncomfortable, awkward, struggling to relax in front of one another.

"Yes, well…" Sirius began, before trailing off. "So… is this where you work?"

Remus nodded, his hands tightening around his cup of tea. He didn't hate his job, but it was exhausting. He was on his feet most of the day and he rarely had enough energy to paint at night. It took everything Remus had in him to drag himself out of bed each morning, ready to face the same mundane routine that slowly ate away at him. 

"It's… nice." Sirius glanced around at the paintings on the wall. His mouth spread into a thin smile as recognition lit up his face. "There's a familiar one…"

Remus glanced over his shoulder to find one of his older pieces hanging on the wall behind him.

"Oh… yeah… I forgot that one was there. It's… not my best work."

"No, it isn't."

Remus spun around to cast a glare at Sirius.

"That's not very polite."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow and Remus could have sworn he saw the slightest hint of humour in those silvery eyes.

"Why? It's not. Your current stuff is much better. The paintings that you've been producing recently? They're a different caliber altogether."

Remus could feel his cheeks heat up as Sirius paid him a rare compliment. It was backhanded, yes, but it was the closest thing to praise that he could hope for from the gallerist.

"Uh… thanks." 

Sirius leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his bangs and brushing them away from his eyes. Remus felt himself mirroring Sirius, finally able to sink into his chair and relax slightly. 

"So…" Sirius began, cutting the silence, his tone gentler than usual. "I… I am sorry. About yesterday. I know I said that earlier, I just… want you to know that."

Remus chewed the edge of his lip, trying to formulate his response. Every fiber of his being wanted to say it's okay, to brush off what happened the other day as if it had been perfectly normal. That was his immediate response to everything. 

It's fine.

It's no bother.

It's okay.

Although he couldn't figure out why, there was a part of Remus that didn't want this to be the same as always. It wasn't okay. The way Sirius treated him wasn't fine, and Remus wasn't going to allow himself to be a doormat. Not this time.

"You were an arse."

"I know." Sirius' gaze dropped to his hands, which were fiddling with a packet of sugar. Remus felt a wave of something— was it affection? — pass over him as he watched Sirius. He hated it.

"It was rude," Remus continued, trying to sound upset, to hide the fact that Sirius' fiddling was in any way endearing. "The way you spoke to me. The way you acted around me. It really was unprofessional."

"I know."

Sirius didn't justify his actions. He didn't make any excuses, didn't try to explain anything, he simply sat there as Remus called him out, a distinct look of guilt darkening his silvery blue eyes. 

"You… really shouldn't treat people that way…"

"I know."

Remus paused. He brought his tea to his mouth and took a sip, giving himself time to think.

"Why?"

Sirius glanced back up at Remus, his eyes shining like a lost puppy. Remus had to suppress a grin.

"Why what?" The gallerist asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Why did you… what made you so upset? Why were you so… cruel?"

Remus watched as Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He exhaled slowly as he leaned further back in his chair, as if he knew this question had been coming the entire time. Sirius' eyes shot open, darting back and forth as they searched Remus' face. After a moment, Sirius finally spoke.

"You don't know much about me…" He began, before trailing off. Remus remained silent, assuming that there was more to follow. There was. "I… I do that on purpose. I don't like getting too close to my artists. It… this has been strange for me; you being friendly with James. It… made things awkward."

Remus cocked a brow and pursed his lips.

"How so?"

Sirius gave a heavy sigh.

"I don't… really have any family. I have James and Lily. That's it. They're… they're all I have."

Remus was confused. He had read about the Black family before; they were well-established business people, the family name known throughout the city from their various enterprises. Sirius was a member of this prestigious family, how could he say he didn't have any?

Remus' face must have betrayed his thoughts, because Sirius let out a dark laugh.

"Before you ask, no, I'm not close with the other Blacks. They're… the only thing we share is the name. I'm not… well, I'm different. We don't speak anymore. It's better that way."

"Oh." Remus didn't know how else to respond. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's as much my doing as it is theirs."

"I see…"

"Anyway…" Sirius' fingers turned the sugar packet over and over and over. "I'm… very protective of James and Lily…"

Remus scoffed. 

"You weren't jealous, were you?" He asked with a grin. Sirius didn't respond, and Remus realized his mistake. His smile faded. "...were you?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, his focus remaining on the sugar that danced through his hands.

Never in a million years would Remus have expected Sirius Black to be jealous of him. Remus was broke. He worked himself to the bone, barely sleeping, hardly eating, unable to afford anything beyond the absolute necessities. 

"I'm…" Remus began, not sure what it was he wanted to say. "I don't think James or Lily would ever replace you…"

"No, I know that…" Sirius said to the sugar. "I know that. I just… have trouble believing it…"

The man in front of Remus was someone so different than the Sirius Black he thought he knew. This was someone soft, scared, afraid of losing the people he loved. This was a man who had everything and nothing all at once, who couldn't fathom going through life on his own. This was someone that Remus understood.

"I'm… I'm sorry if I— "

"No, you're fine," Sirius interrupted, glancing back up at Remus, a forced smile on his face. "This was on me. I've got a bit of a temper. I lashed out at you. And I'm sorry about that. Anyway…" Sirius' hand dropped the sugar and brushed his bangs from his eyes. "None of this is important. You just… wanted to know why. So… that's why."

"I really am sor— "

"Can we please drop it?" Some of the ice returned to Sirius' voice, reflected in the glacial blue of his eyes. Remus gave the gallerist a curt nod, knowing that the subject was a delicate one. 

"Yeah, sure. Consider it dropped." Remus tried to smile, to keep his emotions hidden from his face. "We're good, you and I. As far as I'm concerned…"

"Good."

"Yeah…"

"So…" Sirius mumbled, picking up his sugar packet again, breaking the suddenly awkward silence. "You mentioned a message?"

Shit.

Remus swallowed past the lump in his throat. When he was still angry at Sirius, he had planned to make the man feel bad about his drunken voicemail. Now that they had connected over a candid heart-to-heart, it didn't seem right to bring it up.

"It… it was nothing. Honestly…"

Sirius raised a brow skeptically.

"Remus…"

"You… you just left a voicemail is all. It really wasn't anything… you didn't say much…"

Remus watched as the colour faded from Sirius' face, his eyes growing wide with horror. Butterflies erupted in the pit of Remus' stomach as the icy blue of Sirius' irises melted through his heart.

Shit shit shit…

"It really wasn't—"

"I don't remember leaving that…" Sirius twisted his sugar in his hand, accidentally breaking the packet and spilling the grains across the table. "Fuck!"

"It's fine! I've got it! I can clean it up!" 

As Remus moved to sweep up the mess with his napkin, Sirius slammed his fist against the table, startling the artist and causing the sugar grains to jump.

"Was I drunk?"

Remus blinked. He looked at Sirius, who suddenly looked more angry than nervous.

"Uh… p— possibly? It was only a voic— "

"Was I drunk, Remus?"

Sirius looked— well, serious.

"Uh… y— yeah… I… I think so."

"Fuck!" Sirius' profanities echoed across the cafe, earning him scathing glares from the other patrons. "Shit!" He muttered, a bit quieter.

"Really, Sirius. It's fine. It wasn't anything! You didn't say anything embarrassing or anyth—"

"I have to go."

Sirius was on his feet before Remus could even respond. The artist stared up at the other man, mouth agape, utterly confused.

"Sirius, you don't—"

"I'm sorry, Remus."

He did sound sorry. His eyes grew soft for a moment as his gaze lingered on Remus. Then, before the artist could get in another word, Sirius was heading towards the door.

"Sirius, wait!"

Remus' protests came too late, Sirius was already out of earshot. Remus stared as the expensive suit and elegant bun faded from view, wondering what the hell had just happened.

[thearcanaartificer]

1, 3, and 8 for AA Conflict

The first one is definitely the one that kept me from posting. It was pretty hard, but the questions are so good! I enjoy them. I will eventually get around to doing all the questions, with or without asks because they are so vital to writing a realistic character and I enjoy talking about my characters.

1. What is something that your character regrets?

Odelia is not the type of person who regrets a lot. She’s learned not to. She can feel bad for her actions, but if she cannot make amends for that mistake, then she will work hard to never repeat the offense rather than wallow in regret. And not every thing she does that’s naughty does so regret doing either. She’ll unrepentantly cause mischief against people she dislikes. 

However, there are a few things she regrets doing, mostly scaring her loved ones by wandering off for a few days (never her intention, she just is really bad with time and when an idea hits her, she just drops everything to follow her muse). The first time she did it to Portia, the woman started crying in relief and shouting at her in rage about it. Got lectured for hours by her and Asra once Portia returned her home. The first time she accidentally pulled the stunt on Julian, he was a complete mess when Portia found her and brought her home and wouldn’t let her out of his sight for anything. That, she felt terrible about. She regrets it happened again, especially to Julian, but she made sure afterwards to have better contingencies in place so that if, by some chance she gets too distracted by her ideas and calculations, that Julian can locate her easily.

The only other thing she regrets is never recovering all her memories about her loved ones. She got a few back, but that was it. There are a lot of moments she will never recall that are important to the others, and had been to her as well once upon a time, but again, if she can’t fix it, she tries not to dwell on it. But its a little frustrating at times. Like who taught her how to shuffle? Asra says it was him, Julian argues he did, but it was Portia that retaught her. Small, precious memories like that she regrets losing. Years of physical and mental abuse in her adolescences? Nah, she’ll happily not remember that.

3. Have they ever committed an offense against someone else?

Committed an offense? She would argue that they were offensive first. But yes, technically she has committed offenses against others. She’s the type to ‘attack first, ask awkward questions later’. To be fair, Odelia mostly doles out what’s been asked for. She really only attacks if provoked because otherwise she doesn’t have the mental energy to care. She cares about Vesuvia and its people, yes, but is also indifferent to people she doesn’t know unless their need is urgent. There are a few instances where she’s pulled pranks on people she loves, but it’s on a friendly level, never violent or cruel.

However, she has lit the edges of Valdemar’s coat on fire on more than one occasion unprovoked... but in her defense, their face is offensive. And they have tried to do... unsavory things to her. Like the time they tried to kill her or the other time they tired to kill her or like the time they tried to kill her again and dissect her or the time they straight up skipped trying to kill her before attempting the dissection. So, excuse her if she tries to return the favors in kind.

8. Are they internal or external with their emotions?

Odelia is both. She usually is external with her emotions, but, when the time and place calls for it, she can bottle them all up and internalize them. For example, she has an excellent poker face that she’ll use to gain the upper hand in situations that she might be freaking out about. She uses it a lot with negative experiences. It’s easy for her to express herself externally with positive experiences, but most times, when she’s angry, she’ll do her best to internalize it because nothing good comes from lashing out at people in anger. Even with feeling sad, she’ll guard the emotions internally until she feels like she’s in a safe environment to express them externally.

Thanks again for the ask! It’s always fun to think about! Sorry this took forever! I got stuck on the first one, but I also am a big gaming nerd and I powered through a few games (P5R, FF7R, RF4, AC:NH) and threw off my good habits. Working to get back on track though!

[markoberposts]

The Unfortunate Event On         LOVE ISLAND

It’s currently Sunday, the 4th of August (2019), and I just caught up on last week's Wednesday and Thursday Love Island episodes (I haven't yet seen Friday's though but will soon), and I've learned something new yet again about people.  The "snake" that comes in and either ruins things or at least potentially ruins things in the long run is sex.  These people were all getting along perfectly with each other like angels until one thing happened...a guy and a girl showered together.  That was on Thursday's episode, and that's when things went downhill fast for EVERYONE.  I've been dwelling on the psychology of the situation in an attempt to understand more about it, and here's why I think it had such an impact.  Regardless of how mature-acting these contestants in their 20's and 30's are on shows like this, anything that goes on that pulls strongly away from the idea of innocence nevertheless ends up having a strong impact on everyone involved.  And just to summarize what happened on the show, the guy named Weston had re-coupled up with a few different women so far, each of them his having told that they could be right for him.  From his standpoint, he was just trying to find the best fit as the women actually are too, with some of them having re-coupled a few times as well throughout the course of the series.  And the women were forgiving of that, all up until they caught who I believe was Weston taking a shower together with his new girl, almost immediately after having coupled up with her in fact.  Well, nothing so provocative as this had happened with any of the couples all throughout the entire series up until this point.  So what happened next was that it showed the women secretly being blown away to learn about this shower taking place.  And then the next thing that happened--that seemed really cruel due to they're all being friends with each other all along--was that the entire group of women all warned the new girl away from Weston, telling her that he was a player and wasn't genuine and such, which she really listened to, this then leading to her complaining to him about it, telling him that this is what all of the girls had just told her about him.  So he then went to talk to them, and they all admitted to it and really hurt his feelings, especially being that they'd all been friends with him all along.  So he then became determined to leave, out of feeling so hurt by the women from feeling like he'd suddenly been "stabbed in the back" by all of his female friends there, his feeling that he'd always been very truthful and completely genuine with all of them from the very start.  And so then all of the other guys went to complain to the women about what they'd just done to him--really hurting him enough to make him decide to leave the island--their even making a very uncomfortable situation among all of them suddenly develop because of doing this to stick up for him.  And this whole thing was...in my opinion...all due to the shower that the women had caught him taking with his new girl, even though they never directly claimed such a thing.  Their excuse for telling her this negative stuff about him was that she'd asked them about him and that they'd felt he was a player and wasn't being genuine.  But in all truthfulness, even though they didn't mention it as the reason, I honestly believe that it was them catching him in the shower so quickly with his new girl that caused them to all suddenly feel subliminal feelings of hatred and jealousy toward him.  The problem may be in the difference between the ways that women and men view situations.  It really doesn't seem to matter to the women in this situation whether he was being honest and truthful and genuinely himself.  What ended up really mattering to the women the most was that they'd all gotten close to him themselves earlier, but he hadn't even considered trying anything sexually-related with any of them earlier, even though they all liked him a lot.  So the moment that this shower thing happened concerning him with this new other girl, they all suddenly felt very hurt and somewhat jealous and rejected as well, even though they'd probably never even realize that they were actually feeling such things.  But the way that they all turned against him--with all of them really liking him up until this point in time--it pretty much proves that they indeed had to have suddenly been strongly affected by his actions to have actually done something like this knowing that it would strongly hurt him quite deeply.  And he was even about to cry with it coming entirely out-of-the-blue unexpected by him--you could just see it in his eyes--and he then stated firmly that he felt very betrayed by all of the women there and was then set on leaving the island, right up until his new girl then worked strongly to change his mind after having changed her own mind, perhaps out of feeling sorry for him, or perhaps so she could stay on the island, her then working hard to convince him to stay.  But it may not matter in the long run anyway, however, because I think on Friday's episode, he may have to leave anyway due to America probably voting him as least popular on Thursday night, which I'll find out when I watch Friday's episode.  But what it helped me to learn about people was more about what women generally are sensitive to and why.  For instance, the guys all like Weston a lot and know what he's been doing and what he's been like from the very beginning, their also feeling that he's been genuine all along just as he's still maintaining about himself.  But for women, they are much more sensitive to seeing things in a manner that they can relate to bad past experiences that they've had with guys before, making them quick to negatively judge guys in general as soon as a pattern of behavior even slightly emerges resembling anything that they've been hurt from in the past.  And the guys generally just can't "feel" how the women feel in this regard.  So when a guy assumes that something sexually-related isn't going to cause any issues with any of the other women around...he's probably wrong, no matter how open and free-sounding to such things that the women seem to be.  People are all still generally controlled by their deep inner feelings in such matters, including women, just as guys are generally drawn toward sexual relationships much more quickly and easily and without heavy attachment-types of emotions needing to be involved in the process.  So when the women stabbed him in the back like they did...disrupting the until-then great peacefulness, harmony, and rapport on the island so far that they'd all shared so nicely together...it wasn't because he was doing anything that was mean or heartless or cruel to anyone, but it was simply because he didn't really understand about women's feelings yet.  By doing what he did and the way he did it with his new female partner, he accidentally, without realizing that he was risking doing so, brought out the wrath of every women there!  LOL.  And so I DID feel quite bad for him, and it actually took me a while to understand what had happened in this situation myself--my even thinking that the women had suddenly all turned into horrible monsters at the time, although now I believe that I understand it and can forgive the women as such.  Guys simply NEED to become more aware of what women are deeply sensitive to and to not do those types of things anywhere around them!  I mean, if he would have instead kept any play with his girl in private at night in bed with her so that the others wouldn't directly have to witness it, then he would have been given the benefit of the doubt enough that none of the women would have even considered turning against him as they did.  So it was related to the way that he didn't care that what he was doing was being inadvertently flaunted in front of them that hurt first them and then him the most in this respect.  And even though I believe that I understand about this now, I think that most men under the same circumstances there, including myself, probably could end up making the same mistake without being aware of what they were really doing...how they'd be effecting the women in general.  I mean, it would be different if it was the first woman there for the guy...a shower happening...and then he either stuck with her or went home if things didn't work out.  But what the women just couldn't seem to tolerate was a guy who got knowingly sexually intimate with some other woman either before or after he's either done so or had the chance to do so with them, causing them to gain feelings of either rejection or jealousy or related in the process.  And for men--when the roles are reversed--it just isn't the same, being that although men can of course get both jealous and hurt and come to feel rejected as well, it seems to take a bit longer of a relationship before men really start to develop such feelings, even when there's been sexual-things involved, which is why--of course--that it's always wise for women to stop men from having sex with them until somewhat later...if for no other reason than that it will better protect the women's feelings in the long run being that guys just can't fully understand about such things (with their super-strong hormones hollering constantly at them to make this a bit difficult for them).  So the bottom line is that although I felt bad seeing him get stabbed in the back by the women and seeing their virtual friendship-paradise thereby get greatly damaged by this incident, I nevertheless now feel that I understand what had happened and why and no longer feel bad feelings toward the women, being that they were simply reacting as life has taught them to.  And therefore, in all truthfulness, that guy should have NEVER presumed it okay--after having become so close to all of those women--to suddenly take a shower with a new girl almost the moment of meeting up with her.  I just hope that if he does get sent home, somebody will explain to him about where he really went wrong and that it was primarily the shower thing to help him stop feeling so confused and victimized, because as of right now, all that he's been told by these women is that suddenly they--out of the blue--became convinced that he hasn't been a "genuine" person and that he's just not good for ANY woman to be with!  So he REALLY needs to be told what I've just said here so that he won't go crazy wondering why the whole world of female friends suddenly turned completely against him, which...by the way...could otherwise scar him for life and which...again by the way...somewhat reminds me of similar types of feelings that I've experienced throughout my life, where it feels like EVERYBODY wants me gone away from them.  So perhaps if I could keep my own great emotional sensitivities out of things and instead teach myself to calmly analyze similar types of situations myself, then I could make it much better socially around people.  Unfortunately, however, I'm now of the age that society would generally slap me down for being much too old for even considering myself to become involved in social situations of this sort...something that I should have dealt with 30 or more years ago.  So for reasons ONLY of our needing to abide by the rules of what society feels is correct and proper, I must therefore avoid such things myself no matter how young and able I still feel mentally, with my only wishing that my body still LOOKED to be in its 30's (and that I was 6 foot tall as well, being that height for men so easily brings both attention and respect by comparison to instead being short, which makes such things much harder although certainly not impossible for those who can tolerate a LOT of rejection...lol).  So men would be wise to avoid either having or even expressing an interest in having sex with women that they are getting to know and instead focus on really getting to know about the women's personalities and what they are like!  And to now end on a positive note here, at least there have been a couple more really cute couples that have ended up together just recently on the show...forming truly good matches with each other.  I mean, it's so cool when you get to learn about unique, special people who are a bit odd and yet endearing misfits and then suddenly someone comes along and feels an equal powerful attraction to them, when they just really seem to make a perfect fit together, like they're custom-designed for each other!  And so now there are at least 3 couples like this that have met on the show, and they're really fun and cute to watch now...with obvious actual LOVE blooming between them and with they're talking of being determined to continue their relationship going after the show ends, which is NOT something that had happened on that former show "Paradise Hotel", which truly ended up in the long run being all about the money and with no true couples forming afterword out of it, unfortunately.  So THIS time..on THIS particular season of THIS particular show...I've ended up lucky to have it actually being more about true love than about money in the end...all thanks, I believe, to the quality of their initial group of starting people there this time who had set the mood and tone for both the show and all of the new people who were watching the show and then would be coming onto it eventually to also participate in it, with then anyone who was not of this sort of person pretty-much either getting ousted eventually from the island by the other people there or getting ousted by the audience such as what could be from people like myself who also liked where this show was actually going from the very start on this occasion (it being much more innocent than lots of the other shows out there of this sort this time, which is actually my biggest reason for desiring to stick with it to the very end...which, by the way, will be ~Thursday of this new week!).  So I am so happy for the 3 great couples who have found true love for each other there on the island so far, because they really do go well together, including especially my favorites Elizabeth (my biggest crush there) as well as Caro...the cutey.   :)

[creative-type]

The Justice of One Piece

So I was working on my next post in my ongoing analysis of Nico Robin and was reminded that this human stain existed, and it got me thinking about how justice is portrayed in One Piece

Justice is an abstract enough term that it can mean just about anything. There are connotations of fairness, righteousness, law, and goodness within the definition, but at the end of the day justice is giving someone what they deserve.

Since justice - especially Absolute Justice - is so important when analyzing Robin’s backstory I thought it would be good to do a write up on some of the various ways justice is interpreted and implemented within the world of One Piece. 

This isn’t meant to be exhaustive, because justice as an ideal is deeply personal and varies greatly from character to character. I will, however, try to hit some of the high points.

The Rise of Absolute Justice

Ideologies do not spring up in a vacuum. Most people don’t wake up in the morning murdering deserters and blowing up evacuation ships for fun (more on Sakazuki later) - certain events have to unfold before extreme measures are considered normative. In this case, the line of thinking that leads to Absolute Justice can be traced back to Gold Roger. Specifically, the Pirate Era that he kicked off

Just as there’s a difference between New Age and Old Age pirates, so also can there be a difference seen between the marines of Roger’s era and those who came after. 

While is some overlap between the two and the events at Ohara/Ace’s birth suggest that the root of Absolute Justice go far beyond Roger’s death, Sengoku, Garp, and Tsuru all are portrayed as more moderate than Sakazuki and his followers. The seas were different then. The Grand Line had yet to be fully explored, the technological advances brought on by Vagapunk hadn’t been developed, and there were fewer pirates.

This shift in mindset can be seen in Franky’s flashback when we learn that Tom’s trail was somewhat unusual in that shipwrights aren’t normally prosecuted for building ships for pirates.

In addition, while Sengoku ordered the Oharan Buster Call we can assume that he was also provided order for evacuation as well. The bombardment was extreme, yes, but it was ostensibly targeting guilty.

Another thing to keep in mind is that the attack on Ohara was meant to be a warning to the rest of the world. The so-called enemy were civilians and academics, a group hardly known for their fighting prowess. A ground attack would have done the job just as easily without any of the collateral damage. In fact, Spandine’s Cipher Pol agents were able to subdue all the archaeologists by themselves and the only one who fought back was Olvia.

The Elder Stars respected Professor Clover and the scholars of the Tree of Knowledge. They - not Sengoku - gave the order to attack only after Professor Clover wouldn’t shut up about the Void Century, and they didn’t look too happy about the outcome.

Roger’s death and the destruction of Ohara take place in the same year. That’s an incredible amount of turmoil in a short amount of time. In the wake of so much uncertainty it’s little wonder that the rigid, unyielding ideal of Absolute Justice rose to the top. 

Sakazuki was already an extremist during the Ohara incident. What we don’t see is any change in ideology in the twenty year interim. If anything, he gets worse. When facing a deserter during the Marineford War, he kills him on the spot. There is no remorse or mercy, only the meting of punishment with himself acting as judge, jury, and executor. 

Aristotle postulated that any virtue in excess becomes vice. We see in Absolute Justice a justice devoid of mercy or compassion, where there is only the most severe punishment no matter the crime. It is justice without fairness, goodness, or even regard to the law (deserters are generally tried and dishonorably discharged/imprisoned. Battlefield executions are a no-no). It cannot be called righteous, as it targets innocents and ignores the greater moral issues of slavery and the cruel rule of the Celestial Dragons. Absolute Justice brooks no compromise and cannot be argued with, for to question it is to question the World Government itself.

And just like the events surrounding Roger’s death encouraged Absolute Justice, the popularity of Absolute Justice in turn encourages greater extremes in order to keep the peace, which brings me back to Spandam

CP9 and Dark Justice

The Dark Justice of CP9 is the logical evolution of Absolute Justice. It takes everything we’ve already seen and adds an emphasis on military might, with a hefty dose of pragmatism mixed in to boot.

Spandam is an utterly reprehensible piece of garbage, but I find him fascinating because for all his faults - of which there are many - he’s not stupid, nor is he incompetent. It’s easily forgotten, but it was Spandam who convinced the World Government to go after the Ancient Weapons in the first place

Where Absolute Justice seeks to squash criminals with the heel of their boot, Dark Justice fights fire with fire. It’s hard to say how much of this Spandam actually believes and how much of it is him angling for a promotion, but there’s no doubt that he thinks Robin’s first and greatest crime is simply existing. Absolute Justice says she must die, but that doesn’t stop Spandam from wanting to use her for his own ends first.

Spandam was going to keep Robin alive for exactly the amount of time it took him to extract all her “useful knowledge”, and we know that he wasn’t above torturing her to get what he wanted. After accidentally calling for a Buster Call against Enies Lobby he justified himself by saying if ten thousand marines had to die to cover up his mistake protect the world, then those ten thousand should die without question. 

So Dark Justice is all about using the end to justify the means, but it doesn’t end there. It’s not good enough to simply not be evil, you have to be strong enough not to let evil overcome. We see this a little with Spandam’s obsession to revive the Ancient Weapons, but Lucci displays it better in the form of his backstory.

Because of pacing issues, Oda only put a truncated version of Lucci’s backstory in the manga, although it was expanded upon in the anime. To make a long story short, when he was a teenager Lucci killed five hundred soldiers that were being held hostage by a group of pirates. Their weakness that led them to being captured was their crime, and they paid in blood for their mistake.

Dark and Absolute Justice meet at the Marineford War, where Ace is punished for the crime of being Roger’s son. Chapter 550 is very clear in this regard. Ace isn’t being publicly executed for his own actions as a pirate, the property he has destroyed, or the people he’s undoubtedly killed with his Devil Fruit, but for who his father is. By the World Government’s logic, it’s a case of nature over nurture - Ace was destined for villainy no matter what, so you might as well kill him for his original sin. 

Their logic is undone when the war continues well after Ace and Whitebeard’s deaths.

Here the marines have obtained their objectives and have bigger things to worry about than an insignificant rookie like Luffy. Their bloodlust doesn’t stop until the corrupt, twisted justice of the marines is tempered with a bit of sense, kindly provided by Coby.

Of course Sakazuki almost kills him for it, but, hey, it’s the thought that counts

This is one of the few times we see Absolute and/or Dark Justice challenged from within the marines, and one of, if not the only, time we see a more moderate position “win”. It marks the beginning of a “third wave” of justice ideology. 

Coby, Smoker, and Fujitora represent the counter-movement against the likes of Sakazuki and Spandam, and it will be interesting to see how they fit into the series going forward. I think I’ll cover these more moderate views of justice in another post. 

Until then, thanks for reading. I’ll try to get back to Robin next time, specifically the parallels between her backstory and the events of the Enies Lobby arc.

[phosphorescent-naidheachd]

_____ said:

on one level i will always enjoy watching a cool lady ride jon's face or w/e so i am not anti-dany getting some of the old King In The North. otoh - the whole epic meet cute destined thing is too grand for me. it's like an archetype? i prefer how rooted and grounded and layered jon/sansa is as a ship - everything has resonance and a kind of unexpected joy, like Persuasion, where neither person thought they could repair the past and find happiness and yet happiness is there for them. it's just more my jam. i hope jonsa shippers have enough to work with for fic purposes after the show ends

another thing - i wish dany could have a male family member who doesn't want to bang her, especially given that monster of a brother she had... jon is a wonderful family member. i wish they could have been that to each other 

^^^

I’m not inherently against J0n3rys -- written as an epic ‘our fates were written in the stars long before our birth’ archetypical relationship or not -- as long as it’s executed in such a fashion that feels true to the characters and that resonates emotionally with me... but I highly doubt D&D are going to manage to do that. I have approximately 0.12% trust in them as writers/directors and that’s a generous estimate. Add in the fact that D&D have a fairly limited amount of screen time to build a J0n3rys relationship up from nothing, and the chances of D&D sacrificing true character/relationship development on the altar of expediency rise considerably... as do the chances for an increased amount of ‘telling’ rather than ‘showing’. Just my opinion, though.

GRRM isn’t perfect, but -- partially because of the medium, partially due to his own skills -- his writing of the J0n3rys relationship will doubtless be a lot more nuanced and believable when the characters finally meet in the books.

Actually, one thing that���s really neat about Jon’s relationship with Dany (and with Sansa, among a few other characters!) is all of the narrative parallels and contrasts drawn between their individual experiences. I recently read a piece that argued that GRRM isn’t just deconstructing fantasy tropes with ASOIAF, he’s also very much reconstructing them -- “not tearing the genre apart so much as reminding readers of why it was worth falling in love with in the first place” -- and that really struck me. I like to think that if J0n3rys does end up being endgame in the books, GRRM will use his particular “existential brand of romanticism” to make that archetype feel fresh and real and worthwhile.

Ughhh, I feel you there. Dany deserves kind, platonic, supportive family members. Like Jon, she’s always had a strong longing for a home and family and belonging, and Jon (and through him, perhaps some of the other Starks too) could really fill that role well under the right circumstances. Which isn’t to say that he couldn’t still fill that familial role in a romantic/sexual capacity, but it’s not quite the same thing, y’know? As you said, Dany has never really had someone love her who doesn’t want to bang her (maybe Missandei, but I always thought there was a faintly femslashy subtext between the two of them on the show), and I think it would be good for her to have that kind of relationship in her life.

My feelings re: show!J0n3rys are a lot more complicated than my feelings re: book!J0n3rys, mainly because my feelings re: show!Dany herself are very conflicted. I think most of the criticisms leveled at Dany by the fandom contain validity, but I also think that most of those criticisms are also strongly influenced by fandom’s sexism/misogyny and its attendant double standards. I think that Dany -- both in the books and on the show -- is a very complex character, and frankly I don’t think D&D really get that; I think they see her purely as The Once Underdog, Now Conquering Heroine(TM), and that the GOT narrative is going to reflect this sadly limited viewpoint.

I have a lot of sympathy for Dany’s position and understand why she acts as she does; her traumatic past and the culture(s) in which she was brought up have absolutely shaped who she is today: her fears, her desires, and her methods of achieving those desires. I would also argue that although show!Dany is pretty self-centered, she generally has good intentions. Nonetheless, I’ve become less and less a fan of show!Dany over the years. I have issues with some of the choices she’s made, with her frequent (albeit unintentional on her part) hypocrisy, and with the racist undertones both GRRM and D&D have (accidentally?) inserted into some of her major story arcs (indeed, to the point where I have a hard time mentally separating her from said arcs). If Dany undergoes further character growth that positively alters how she acts going forward, my feelings towards her may change again, but in the meantime… I don’t know. As I said: it’s complicated, and my thoughts about her sometimes even vary from episode to episode. (Heaven knows my thoughts & feelings re: Tyrion and Jaime often shift depending on the episode lol. But that’s a topic for another time.)

I don’t want to see Dany humiliated and humbled, the way many antis do, but I also don’t want to see her as she currently is on the Iron Throne, the way most stans do. I don’t believe she’s insane or currently in danger of becoming insane, as many antis think, nor do I believe that she’s an unusually cruel/terrible/[insert negative term here] ruler and warrior for the society in which she lives. However, none of this makes her inherently the best person to rule Westeros, either. 

Although it isn’t entirely Dany’s fault, she knows almost nothing about Westeros -- past or present -- and what little she does know was understandably given to her through a pretty pro-Targaryen lens; this lack of understanding of facts -- and more crucially, of attitudes -- will serve her (and more importantly Westeros) very poorly if she ever becomes Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Yes, having Westerosi advisors can help, but only so much. The monarchy of Westeros doesn’t seem to have much in the way of checks and balances, after all, outside of ‘it’s probably not a good idea to offend any of the major Houses too badly and definitely not multiple Houses at the same time’. Dany is still relatively inexperienced at ruling and is certainly more than capable of learning and improving... the question is whether she’ll allow herself to. Especially now that she has the ultimate power in the form of fully-grown dragons, which makes it even more difficult and dangerous to question or challenge her actions than it would a dragonless monarch like Robert Baratheon.

(Although, since we’re mentioning Robert Baratheon... I get the sense that Dany, like Robert, much prefers the fighting and ceremonial parts of being monarch over the day-to-day administrative parts. YMMV.)

It’s my opinion that Dany has gotten increasingly good at convincing herself that her personal desires are actually selfless and/or inevitable, that her way is the Right Way, that too much compromise is weakness, and that an increased volume and degree of violence on her part is both justified and necessary. This is an excellent piece of meta on the subject; although it’s about book!Dany, it’s still by and large applicable to show!Dany too... in fact, I would argue that in many ways, it’s even more applicable to show!Dany. Dany isn’t the only “good” character in ASOIAF/GOT to harden herself to violence or to make some of these sorts of mistakes, of course -- Jon probably would have been an even bigger disaster if he’d somehow wound up as the ruler of Meereen, for instance -- but that doesn’t remove the validity of these criticisms towards her, either.

Actually, speaking of Jon and Dany, there’s one argument that antis make that really bugs me: that Jon was chosen by his people, while Dany chose herself; meritocratic monarchy vs. hereditary monarchy, if you will. It’s not entirely wrong, but it’s not the full story either. Davos falls prey to this same trap when talking to Dany on Dragonstone, in fact: "He's not King in the North because of his birthright, he has no birthright, he's a damn bastard. He's King in the North because those hard sons of bitches believe in him."

I mean, yes, Jon was chosen by his nobles to be their king, and they do believe in him, but you can’t act like his heredity didn’t play a significant role in that decision. If Jon hadn’t been the ostensible son of Ned Stark, do you really think all the nobles of the North would have called for him to be King, no matter how worthy he was or how much they believed in him? Just look at part of Lyanna Mormont’s speech, for crying out loud [italics my own]: “I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He’s my king, from this day until his last day!” *rolls eyes* But I digress. 

Moving on to address your comments on Jon/Sansa:

Unlike many J0nsa shippers here on tumblr, I don’t think J0nsa is ever going to be canon. Definitely not on the show, and probably not in the books either. And I’m mainly OK with that; that’s what fanfiction is for, after all. (Which isn’t to say I wouldn’t be delighted to be proved wrong re: canon lol.) 

I’m very much a multi-shipper in GOT/ASOIAF, and my main fannish wish is that my favorite characters survive to the end of the series. Ideally, none of them irrevocably betray other characters I care about and they all survive and they’re all at least marginally happy, but that’s probably way too much to ask. As I said, I’ll take ‘alive’. Because as long as they’re still alive, a happier ending is still a possibility somewhere ‘off-screen’ after the series ends. Dead, on the other hand, is dead. Sure, I can create AU ‘so-and-so-lives’ headcanons, but I’m still acutely aware that they’re AUs, y’know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yessss, Persuasion is such a great comparison! There’s something very bittersweet and healing about that kind of ship. Shades of a shared past paired with hope for a better shared present and future. The gradual realization that it isn’t too late to find/create happiness. idk, I just have a lot of feelings about this dynamic.

[vertigokrp-blog1]

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL:

The case of one Cho Namgi, youth lost in the depths of countryside quaintness and simple delights. A 20-year-old spending days in the small suburbs of Muhan as a student at Jeosung University and part-time busboy at K&J, an upstanding citizen like many others in town. An unremarkable little story that takes odd turns when you take a second look. Because, in Muhan, nothing as it seems. In Muhan, you must trust no one.

        Cho Namgi is one with the vertigo.

CONTENT WARNING.

Suicide.

THE STORY.

i. cho namgi was always the center of attention. there was never a time in his life where he felt as if he was never unsatisfied with the amount of attention he had received because it was never too low for him. he was the favorite son, student and friend that anyone could have asked for back then. growing up, he always aimed to please as long as it gave him the attention and love he deserved. it was a mix of greed and pride that he was sure every child had whenever they were told they did well. at least, that’s how namgi took it anyways.

never was there a time where he did not have the attention on someone else. on the first day of preschool, a bunch of other kids went up to him and were eager to play. even after his little sister was born, he still got the most love and attention and probably the most respect from his parents. and to be honest, as a child, namgi thought there would never be a time where he didn’t have to get his spotlight taken away. he thought he had already made it obvious to everyone who was the main attraction wherever he belonged.

perhaps, if he had prepared himself for such an event to come, all of this would have never happened.

ii. it’s a day he remembers so vividly. the day he becomes second in everyone’s minds. rather than being the first to everyone and receiving all of the attention he loved so dearly, he gets it all taken away thanks to him. he’s another ten year old boy in namgi’s class and he doesn’t know how, but said boy seemed to have gotten lots of love and attention from the teachers and the classmates that namgi felt a fire in him. he’s read books about how sometimes, a fire ignited in someone could be good.

little did he know that this fire had no good intentions at all.

iii. throughout his time with the new kid, the fire only began to grow. to his benefit, this other girl in his class didn’t seem to fancy the other boy either. with the fact that the both of them disliked them, they both got a group of people together who had no opinion on the new face to make them all dislike him in order to make them not feel alone in general.

these kids weren’t exactly the best people to be around. though they acted nice to everyone else they knew, the fact that they disliked said new boy gave off an unsettling vibe to everyone. they knew that every child that was affiliated with them didn’t like new boy despite his shine and kind heart. to said kids, the new boy was like the sun: annoyingly bright and absolutely irritating.

they began pranking said boy, putting his stuff in places he had no knowledge of. there were “accidental” pushes and trips that were blamed on the boy that occurred way too many times to the point that he visits the principal’s office for his “cruel behavior”. it sits the aura for the both of them. namgi wasn’t sure how the other boy felt to be the victim, but he felt great. powerful, even. he felt as if he was doing the whole class a favor and that he was getting gain from this.

for the next few years with this boy, the same group of people still pick on the new kid until the first day of his third year in high school when he never got to see him ever again.

iv.. throughout his years in high school, he thought second year would be the worst year for him. it turns out, his third year takes the cake.

the friends who were in said gang turn against him. they didn’t move on. no. in fact, leaving him, they were far from mature. not only did they expose him for his cruel treatment to that one said student, but they also brought him the same kind of treatment. at the time, he thought it was unfair because they were also apart of said actions and they didn’t do anything to help the victim of namgi’s frustrations.

he’s heard some people make rumors that didn’t bring a positive light to him at all. he looks around and there are faces looking at him in disgust, discussing how he was abused at home and that was a reason as to why he picked on the one kid. he could confirm that at home, his life was great. he had a loving mother and father and a bratty sister that was only a few months younger than him. they weren’t the ones to have caused this and he hated to hear how his family was brought into this because of his own mistakes.

it got out of hand to the point that namgi had to find a university away from seoul. he needed a reason to move out of the town he’s lived in for years just so that he can get away from all the attention. he wanted to get away from all the negativity even though he knew it was directed at him and that he deserved it.

he tries convincing himself that he’s doing it for the better and that he wasn’t just a coward running away from his problems.

he doesn’t know how long such a mindset will last, though.

v. now a sophomore in jeosung, cho namgi finds himself in the suburban wonders of muhan. it’s quite a large difference to being in seoul, but he was sure he could adjust to the difference of it. it wasn’t like he was getting out of the country. though the lack of good reception bothered him a little bit when he moved in last year, he doesn’t let it affect him so much.

he still lives with his family, as family is still important to him. he doesn’t really know if he’ll ever move, but that’s for another day and another time. the new atmosphere is a change and he wasn’t sure if he is 100% comfortable after being there for a year.

but it was the best he could get. hopefully, he’ll get a better life here than he did there.

THE TWIST.

he remembers it vividly.

he remembers the events leading up to that one particular event and how he felt because of it. all of the feelings and all the self-hatred in himself that he couldn’t stand looking into the mirror because every single time he did, he would question who the person on the other side was. he often wondered if the person on the other side was just like him: a monster.

he remembers when it started.

he remembers him and his friends talking one day when all of a sudden, they go to a topic that had needed to be discussed. “say, where’s sunshine boy?” namgi asks. everyone in the circle answered with “i don’t know”.

“didn’t you hear?” a random classmate who overheard asked the group of friends. “he moved out of seoul.”

“what?” namgi asks, sounding perplexed. “why? he’s lived here for the past few years. why did he decide to move out now?”

“maybe you’re the reason why,” a friend in the group says.

after that, it was the moment everyone began to act cold towards him.

they began pranking namgi, putting his stuff in places he had no knowledge of. there were “accidental” pushes and trips that were blamed on him that occurred way too many times to the point that he visits the principal’s office for his “cruel behavior”. it sits the aura for the both of them. he felt lonely. powerless, even. he felt as if suddenly, the whole world was against him.

one day, the principal had a talk with him. he hears the mention of bullying and teasing that got out of hand. he says that the boy needs a suspension and when his parents hear that, they freak out.

throughout his third year, he keeps a calendar. after may 4th, he rips out the following days, weeks and months after that.

he has a date. well… he had one.

he had it all planned out. he would go to the closest bridge and jump over it after praying to god one last time. that if he dies, he would go right where he belongs and that he would rot there.

but he hears footsteps in the distance and to that, he turns away and walks off, pretending he was not going to do it at all.

after that, he burned the calendar, leaving out any track of him having suicidal thoughts. he keeps it to himself and doesn’t tell anyone in his family, nor does he tell it to any of the people he meets in muhan the following year. he gets accepted into one university out of the city and that’s how he finds himself in said city.

though his past as a bully is one secret, his failed attempt is the biggest one of all. his family already knew he was a bully, but they’d be shocked to know if he wanted to kill himself.

that’s why he can’t let anyone else know. they knew, word would spread and eventually get to them and he could never imagine their faces to the realization. he didn’t want them to think he needed help when he did. he didn’t want to burden his family any more than he already had.

it’s for the best. it’s for them.