#and i love him of course and thats how ive displayed that for so long

[womenaresohot]

I really miss him so much. I want to share space with him I want to hold his hand I want to do laundry and dishes with him so badly. I thought about him as my girlfriend today, so casually, so effortlessly. I'm just.... he just makes me sooooo

[howisavedtheworld]

we look good together | kyoutani kentarou

genre: tooth rotting fluff, probably the cutest thing ive ever written,,,kyoutani kentarou x fem!reader, established relationship :D

warnings: cursing, kissing, semi-making out but for like 2 seconds, taking pics in a photobooth

a/n: i got this idea from the photobooth videos on tik tok cus they make me yearn so so badly. decided to write this for kyou bc this little mad dog bitch has me in a chokehold, plus i know everyone likes to think hes like mean as hell and scary (i do too bc like thats so sexy) but when hes in love i promise hes so soft📜✍🏾

wc: 854 

kyoutani ruins your pictures.

not in a literal sense, but you’ve come to the realization that every time you snap a picture with him or of him, whether it’s off guard or planned, he looks effortlessly sexy. 

from the cut of his jaw to the slight pout of his lips, his annoyingly long eyelashes and the fact that you can always see his muscled build through his shirt, your boyfriend is the most photogenic little shit in the whole world.

it doesn’t help that he’s kinda smug about it, snickering when he takes bad pictures of you and watches you whine about how unfair it is.

still, he reassures you, peppering soft kisses all over your skin with his hands grabbing your waist. 

he’ll stare you down, copper eyes boring directly into yours, and he quickly swipes his tongue over his lips before murmuring, “but we look really fucking good together, don’t we, babe?”

you give in, of course. 

it’s not until you find yourself in a ramshackle photobooth in a hidden corner of the mall with kyoutani besides you that you start to understand the truth of his words.

“so….what am i supposed to do?” his head tilts awkwardly towards you, a few creases appearing in his forehead from his raised eyebrows.

you’re trying to adjust your hair in the small rectangular box that displays a fuzzy outline of the both of you. “uhh, i don’t know, ken, you’re the hot one in this relationship.”

“well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean i know what to do in a photobooth.”  

your head whips towards him in shock, blanching at his smirking face. “oh, so you agree with me?” 

“babe,” he grins, turning his face slightly towards the camera. “you know i’m kidding.” 

click.

you immediately wince as you get a glance of the first shot on the larger screen. your eyes are lidded and blurry and your mouth is contorted upwards in offense. and of course, there kyoutani is in all of his glory, grinning stupidly at the camera, showing off the dimples under his eyes, his veneer-like smile, his plump lips and his soft skin. 

“ken,” you whine. “i wasn’t ready!” 

he tries to hold his laughter back before inching closer to you. “here, it’s okay, look at the camera this time.” 

3.

you pout before your eyes turn to the small camera and you muster up your best smile. 

2.

kyoutani slings an arm around you and you lean into him. 

1.

click. 

your entire chest warms at the picture on the screen, noting the way his entire face is turned towards you and his eyes stare at you lovingly. you have the biggest goofy smile on your face, and his arm grips your shoulder.

“kennnn, this one’s so cute.” 

his cheeks turn pink while he sheepishly rubs a hand behind his neck. “i wasn’t even ready that time.” 

the third photo, you both mimic the classic “ice in my veins” pose, lips tucked between your teeth, eyes squinted and hand outstretched.

click.

by the last one, you’re a giggling mess and kyoutani is shaking his head, shyly smiling at how ridiculous you both look.

“okay, last one.” you turn to him, unsure of your last pose.

3.

“shit, what do we do?” his eyes travel between you and the camera.

2.

“uhh,” your voice trails off, awkwardly fiddling with your fingers in your lap.

1.

before you know it, one of kyoutani’s hands is pulling your face into a kiss, his other one instinctively wrapping around your neck.

click. 

you smile against his lips before kissing back, smelling the soft scent of his cologne and tasting the chapstick he applied just before the two of you got in the booth. 

he pulls you closer to him, one firm hand sliding down to rub your thigh. 

you gasp a little, and he chuckles before sliding his tongue against your bottom lip, sucking for a few seconds and pushing his tongue inside your mouth.

you pull away panting, knowing that if you went on for any longer, your body would completely melt into him.

“ken,” you mumble. 

“hm?” he turns your face to him before pressing a soft peck on your lips. 

“ken. public. remember?” you gesture to the photobooth you’re both still sitting in, and he rolls his eyes.

“yeah, well, what are they gonna do about me kissing my hot photogenic girlfriend?” 

you laugh while sliding out of the booth with him, grabbing the photos from the small opening at the base.

he wraps his hand around your waist, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as your fingers trace the cute pink hearts theme around the photos. 

“babe, did you choose that?” he snorts, squinting at the girly theme. 

“yeah,” you look up at him, trying to read his facial expression. “do you not like it?” 

his eyes glance at the pictures again and back to your wide eyes and he smiles. “no, i love it. really. told you we look good together. always. right?”

he presses a soft kiss on your forehead and your heart skips a beat. 

yeah, he’s definitely right.

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

So for AAW this year i decided to explore some QPRs since ive never done that before (does that even qualify for AAW?). So without further ado (i'll try to keep it quick) these are the relationships that give me the strongest QPR vibes theres no particular order just a attempted color gradient

1. Joan Watson and Sherlock Holmes (Elementary)

Ive talked about these two before for AAW 2019(?) so ill touch on them briefly (and i'll put the link in the notes). Disclaimer: This is a show that i watched in bits and pieces, almost primarily from reruns. The longterm focus of this show is clearly these two's relationship. In the beginning they were stuck together, and then they chose to be together but they still had issues, at one point they stop talking to each other (like legit didnt talk one of them moved away and they didnt stay in contact), were together with issues again, and then they were primarily okay, and at one point left/fled the country together even though only one of them had to. Throughout the show there are these spoken moments that really tell the depth of their relationship, from either them or other characters. Off the top of my head theres "you named a species of bee after me," "i think shes the person you love most in this world," "i consider you to be a exceptional person. So i make a exceptional effort to accommodate you," "this is your home," "i'll stay. Of course i'll stay," and that line in the picture. They dont seem to struggle that much when it comes to describing their relationship and believe "partners" sums it up best. They live together, see each other as the most important/favorite person in their lives, and are raising a child together.

2. Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens)

Im not sure these two count, being not human and all. In the show and in the fandom (and i assume the book) people, and they themselves, struggle to understand their relationship and on top of that they arent supposed to be on good terms with each other (one is a angel and one is a demon). Are they friends? Enemies? Boyfriends? Best friends? Crowley at one point comes to the conclusion that never having Aziraphale in his life again is worse than the end of the world. One of the definitions for a QPR is "undefinable relationship," which fits nicely here.

3. Mako Mori and Raleigh Becket (Pacific Rim)

Disclaimer: i havent seen this movie since it was in theaters and therefore dont remember much. If i had know what a QPR was when i saw this movie it would have made so much more sense. One of the background themes is strong relationships (you cant power the robots without it) which includes familial, platonic, and romantic. These two were left ambiguous, all the shots were framed in that typical "they're gonna end up together by the end" way only for nothing to confirm it at the end. It was wonderful. You follow two different gendered strangers who become super important to each other and share all their darkest secrets and memories and give each other soft looks to not end up dating at the end. Wether or not you see it as a QPR its a movie that doesnt erase m/f friendship and thats just fantastic.

[sorry guys its 2am now these paragraphs are gonna be a little shorter]

4. Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau (Captain Marvel)

Before Carol disappeared it was clear she was living with Maria, her best friend, and helping her raise Monica, Maria's daughter, from a young age. Its clear her "death" greatly effected them.

5. Maka Albarn and Soul Eater Evans (Soul Eater)

I recently rewatched this show and their relationship on the surface seems like Two Kids Who Are Opposites And Dont Like Each Other Are Forced To Do Group Project type relationship but its actually so much deeper. They're roommates and best friends and each think the other one is the greatest person they know. They both have arcs centered around protecting the other. Soul states on multiple occasions that he's not into Maka, and Maka compares their partnership to her parents' marriage but never actually expects or acts like Soul is her boyfriend. Its clear they're gonna stay together for a long time coming.

6. Clint Barton and Kate Bishop (Marvel Comics)

Okay so i could say so much on this but let me start this off with a big Disclaimer: i have not read these comics, all of my knowledge comes from fan works (like the entirety of ao3 and tumblr) and wiki pages. These two. THESE TWO. Ahhh i dont even know what to say because i dont know if this is a thing where fanon versions are entirely OOC. These guys have something like a 12 year age difference, so from the outside their relationship seems weird. People (real or fictional idr) keep trying to slot them into familial roles (big brother and little sister, uncle and niece, dad and daughter) but the truth is they're friends and partners. Ya its a little weird with their age difference but if they were both 10 years older most people wouldn't even notice the age difference. Clint makes it clear to us just how much he loves Kate. She's super important to him. Just looking for pics for this post i saw so many panels displaying how close they are. Idk if its canon or not but fanfic really gave the impression Kate basically lives part time at his place. These two give me vibes that they have the kind of closeness where they could cuddle on the couch together and it wouldnt be weird. And i mean full horizontal doing a balancing act in order to get them both to stay on the couch between the backrest and the edge so they could nap. Like if one of them was married their spouse wouldnt be surprised to wake up in the morning and find them both eating breakfast in their PJs. Like these two would kiss on the mouth but it wouldnt be romantic at all just a way to express emotion. They just give me this vibe thats led to so many headcanons and idek if its canon

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[chat-noir-always-here]

“Hey Arnold!” and “Miraculous!” parallels

Ever have an idea for a post that you take forever to get around to because 2020 is 

actively 

trying

to kill you?!

 Welp, that’s me. I mean, uh, this is that post.

Long post is long and I don’t like cuts cuz I’ve lost a few posts in the past using them. Please filter the tag “long post” I use it for walls of text like these.

So there’s this show from my childhood called Hey Arnold! 

Having been on air before I had cable (I and my unsupervised brothers and sisters spent our childhood watching Jerry Springer and Maury because there was literally nothing else on our cheap little TV. How hilarious is that?) I didn’t really have much of an experience with Hey Arnold! aside from brief little glances at it when i visited a friends home or the rare occasion where they showed cartoons at school. By the time I got satellite, the show was no longer on the air save for some late night reruns and the Christmas special which aired in December along with other Nickelodeon Christmas episodes (THE best Christmas episode EVER btw).

Really I couldn’t remember much about it until hearing about the Jungle Movie finally getting a release date (a total flop but at least its no cliff hanger) and decided to re-watch the entire series in preparation for said movie.

By which point I had discovered another show—Miraculous. 

At first glance the two shows have absolutely nothing in common. Miraculous being a French-born mahou shoujo-esque CGI superhero TV series about a couple of middle schoolers who regularly battle a walking peppermint-frappucino-looking psychopath. Hey Arnold! being a more realistic children’s sitcom about a young football-headed boy who deals out humanitarian aid in the form of advice and simple good deeds to his neighbors, classmates and friends. 

In terms of setting, logic, and animation the two series are as different as night and day.

So imagine my pleasant surprise to discover a whole post’s worth of parallels shared between the two shows???

And here they are in no particular order:

1)Arnold’s Parents/Adrien’s mom

Prior to the start of Miraculous, Emilie Agreste disappeared under mysterious circumstances leaving her family behind. Later on it was revealed that she was in fact sleeping (dead?) in a glass coffin beneath the Agreste mansion--unbeknownst to Adrien, or anyone else in Paris save for Gabriel and Nathalie.

In a similar fashion, Arnold’s parents, Miles and Stella, also disappeared prior to the start of Hey Arnold! and like Emilie were always referred to as “missing” rather than “dead.” 

The Jungle Movie later revealed Miles and Stella weren’t dead, but like Emilie appears to be doing in her coffin, they were sleeping. Having caught a bout of sleeping sickness (apparently they do not need to be hooked up to IVs or other medical devices while in a comatose state cuz fuck logic) they simply needed their orphaned son to come and cure them with the help of the magical golden heart Helga provided him with.

Perhaps Mari holds the key to waking Emilie? That would be nice to see. 

Not the miraculous of course--but some other key.

Although personally I’m hoping for a hardcore, devastating ending like Emilie dying, Gabriel going to prison where he belongs, and Adrien leaving the country for a bit until the second Hawk Moth shows up because I just like devastating cliffhangers and angst and being in utter turmoil over fictional people. But that’s just me.

2) Their best friends are dating

Smol parallel here: Arnold’s best friend Gerald and Helga’s Best friend Phoebe wind up together in The Jungle Movie after being imprisoned together by Lasombra. Similar to how Nino and Alya ended up together after being imprisoned by Ladybug (for their protection, of course).

3) The Bag of Money Episode/ The Ladybug episode

OOh boy both of these episodes make me rage. 

Some context about the Bag of Money episode: Arnold and his friends Gerald and Sid find a random bag of money containing almost $4000. Sid is ecstatic and wants to split the money evenly between the three boys, but Arnold worries it could just be lost and convinces them to let him, Arnold, take the money to the police station. On the way he accidentally switches the bag with another one that is identical and contains a bunch of useless junk, and when he tries to explain what happened to his friends they don’t believe him because their bag of money was accidentally taken by an “old lady with pink hair and a peg leg.”

 Arnold’s a good boy and he’s telling the truth--but the truth sounds crazy, even to my ears. Sid accuses Arnold of stealing the money and spreads lies to their classmates, whom Arnold has spent the ENTIRE SERIES helping in some form or fashion. Despite everything he’s done for them though, the vast majority of the class come to believe Arnold is a thief. Even Gerald, Arnold’s closest friend, nearly believes Sid over Arnold but eventually comes to Arnold’s defense. The other kids (save for Helga who doesn’t really make an appearance this episode) gang up on Arnold, but thankfully the old lady with pink hair and a peg leg shows up with an officer and together they explain the bag of money is now at the lost and found where it will remain and if gone unclaimed will be returned to Arnold, Gerald and Sid. 

Pretty much everything is resolved and things return to normal between the kids. 

But I hate this episode. I hate this episode so, so much. Arnold has spent the entire series helping these people out in some form or fashion. Literally thats the entire show. And after everything he’s done for them they’re so. Quick. To. Turn. On. Him. 

Sound familiar???

4) Hidden Personality                   vs.          Surface Personality

 I do not refer to the cruddy “true selves” thing half the Miraculous fandom believes in. Depending on one’s individual circumstances, environment and how comfortable they are, said person’s behavior can fluctuate or even do a complete 180. This can be kinda frustrating when dealing on one’s own--”Who am I anyway? Is that me or is this me???”

It’s all you, fam.

Arnold and Helga are themselves too, no matter what metaphorical/actual mask they put on. There’s the side that everyone sees and then there’s the side almost no one sees. The hidden personality isn’t hidden due to a lack of trust, necessarily, but rather it is the result of retreating to their respective “shells”--ones which both Arnold and Helga were kinda punched, kicked, and shoved into. 

Helga’s surface personality: Class bully, puts up a tough front, constantly torments Arnold because she can’t stand him and his niceness

Helga’s hidden personality: Poetic, abused and isolated, is in love with Arnold to the point of being obsessed with him and bullies him via surface personality in order to hide that fact

Of course Adrien is no bully--his reasons for not being the “cunning, funny, ultra-charming Chat Noir” 24/7 DOES have a lot to do with his toxic household, his dad, and the overwhelming expectations which are constantly smothering him as Adrien. 

Adrien is a bug under a magnifying glass (or so he feels)

Chat Noir is a chance for a freedom.

 Adrien’s surface personality was molded by his dad.

 Helga’s is the result of her entire family. Her father is brash and loud, her mother is a confirmed alcoholic, her sister is a gifted prodigy, well-rounded and spends most of the series at university or elsewhere. Although her sister, Olga, has been shown to genuinely care for Helga, Olga is kinda the reason their parents neglect Helga. With their first daughter being the genius and prodigy she is, Helga’s parents poured all of their pride and affection and parental devotion onto her. Meanwhile Helga had to walk to pre-school alone. At four years old. In the rain. Not for the last time. 

Which leads me to the next parallel.

5) Umbrella in the Rain

squeals in delight over this parallel<3<3<3

If you’ve never seen Hey Arnold! do yourselves a favor and watch this short little clip over how Helga and Arnold first met. If you have seen it, watch it anyway because it is the most adorable clip in the entire show.

Dr. Bliss: “So nobody’s ever noticed you?”

Helga: “...There was someone.”

The soft way Helga confesses that--you can actually hear how grateful she is to have such a tender memory from such a painful time. 

 In a similar manner, Adrien offered his umbrella to Marinette. Of course Adrien did it because Mari had to walk home in the rain and Arnold did it as a simple gesture of kindness (seeing as they were already at the school)--one of the many kind acts he displays throughout the series. 

 But just like Adrien needed unconditional love coming from somewhere, so did Helga. They were both denied this one common necessity which everyone else around them had. It’s not a lot to ask for, and they should’ve already had it coming from their families--but they didn’t.

 And then, one rainy day, there it was--the unconditional love they needed.

6) Clinginess

What happens when you take someone, specifically a love-starved abused child from an unstable home environment--deprived of the one thing most crucial to their mental well-being--and miraculously provide them with that very necessity? 

Clinginess. 

I can’t really think of the correct word to describe this. “Clinginess” is pretty close to what I’m trying to describe, if not on point, so let’s go with that. 

 What I mean is Helga and Adrien both need Arnold and Ladybug respectively. That’s not a bad thing--it’s okay to need somebody else. What’s bad is hinging your entire being on this one connection. For if either kiddo were to be left behind they wouldn’t handle it very well.

 It can’t really be helped with either Helga or Adrien. They didn’t really have the option to learn certain things and went deprived of unconditional love for such a long time. They’re kids--nine and fourteen/fifteen respectively. They’re not perfect and they’re traumatized for life. Being denied love from your family--the very people designed to love you--would do that to a person. Naturally they would cling to the first people to show up and provide them with the love they needed. 

 The Hey Arnold! wiki says this about Helga and Arnold’s relationship

Due to her unstable family upbringing where both her mother and father constantly neglect [Helga] and shower all of their attention onto Olga, leaving her deprived of the love and attention she needed growing up. On her way to preschool, Arnold helped her by keeping the rain off her with an umbrella and even complimented her on her hairbow. He even later gave her crackers during their snack time. Arnold's kindness and being the first person to notice her quickly caused Helga to transfer all of her love and attention to Arnold.

Of course Adrien’s tunnel vision isn’t quite as bad as Helga’s.

 He treats his friends better.

 He does love his father--

Even though his father is THE. 

WORST.

 PARENT.

 EVER!!!

--because he’s Adrien and he’s just too precious a cinnamon roll and that’s still his dad even if the man does belong behind bars.

7) Unhealthy Obsession

I--

I...

Ugh. I am not going to delve too far into this. You’re just going to have to take my word for it. Helga’s creepy stalker behavior is a thousand times worse than Marinette’s. That pic up there of Helga hiding out in Arnold’s room watching him is pretty decent evidence to back up my argument, but it’s hardly the only example or even the worst incident.

 Honestly I’m amazed at what Nicktoons were able to get away with in the late nineties/early 2000s. 

But yes, Helga’s obsession with Arnold is rather unhealthy in the most extreme moments leading her to display behavior which is more often than not disturbing and concerning. 

The Hey Arnold! wiki has this to say about Helga’s obsession with Arnold

Helga is possessive of her love for Arnold and thinks non-stop about him to the point of obsession. This is evidenced throughout the series by the many shrines and poems she makes of Arnold and of her frequent dramatic soliloquies about her love for Arnold.

Again--Mari isn’t as bad as all that. She’s a sweet girl with many healthy relationships in her life. She has ambition, creativity, and drive. But yeah she can be rather possessive of Adrien too, and that needs to stop. Like right now. Adrien doesn’t need another girl being possessive of him and thinking he’s perfect--he needs someone who acknowledges him as a flawed person and loves him despite that. 

As for Helga and Arnold--show creator Craig Bartlett confirmed they are “made for each other” and wind up married with three kids, so I’m guessing Helga grew out of some of these bad habits? Or at least I hope so...

8) Helper/Humanitarian tendencies

As mentioned before, the plot of Hey Arnold! is more or less about Arnold helping people. As stated by Gerald in The Jungle Movie, “He’s a humanitarian! Like his parents!” Of course not every episode is about Arnold helping people. There are episodes devoted to supporting characters and they’re just as enjoyable and satisfying. 

 But as he is the titular character he spends a lot of time in the spotlight. 

Remember that “best christmas special EVER” episode I mentioned before?

 The reason it’s the best special, in my less than humble opinion, is due to a few things.

 The special is not about Santa Claws. In fact, I don’t think he’s even mentioned, let alone shown and treated like an actual living character.

The focus on the entire episode is again on Arnold helping someone, but he doesn’t succeed. Not really.

The one who succeeded in helping someone was Helga, who accomplished the goal Arnold had set out to do. 

The episode deals with some rather dark subject matter and is actually quite heartwarming as the “perfect present” Arnold was trying to provide someone with wasn’t something you can buy in the store

It’s also one of the episodes where Helga’s love for Arnold leaves her to do good and as her love for him is a secret, she expects nothing in return. She’s just happy to help him.

 Kinda similar to Mari who is, as Adrien puts it in Mayura, “Our every day Ladybug.” Her kindness and devotion to helping others is what drives her as Ladybug and Marinette. It’s what brought Ivan and Mylene together. Is the reason Nathaniel and Mark now have a comic book together. And at the end of the day, that’s the reason for her strange behavior around Adrien--she wants to help him. Even if it’s just as a “good friend.” 

9) There are two main characters

Although Hey Arnold! is technically a show about Arnold, one could argue it is just as much Helga’s story. 

Similarly, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is named thusly in order to convey the fact that Adrien is just as much a main character as Marinette is. 

Although I must say Hey Arnold! did a much better job of giving it’s co-character their dues. GIVE. ME. MORE. CHAT NOIR. FOCUSED. EPISODES. DAMMIT.

But, yes, in terms of screen time, Helga gets about as much as Arnold does. Her story and struggles were given just as much importance as Arnold’s and many people have even come to believe that the show is really about Helga. I’d say its about both of them.

10) Constantly bumping into each other

Granted this happens between Arnold and Helga more often than it does to the love square dorks. 

 But yes the two people meant to be together keep knocking into each other in their respective universes. 

 I forget who, but I remember reading that someone a while back theorized that this was the universe’s way of trying to push Arnold and Helga together. Kinda like the “Now kiss!” meme

Perhaps it’s the same for Adrien and Marinette? 

;)

[dontasktheradiodemon]

I Love You (3/14/2021)

Buddy I don’t even need to summarize this thread, I can just tag it with tropes like it’s a fic, here watch me go: #angst #hurt/comfort #anguished declarations of love #tw depression #tw suicidal ideation

Immediate sequel to this thread but reading it is optional. Basically, it’s nearly impossible to spend very long in Hell without developing a guilt complex and fantasizing about whether it’d be better to stop being; Alastor and Telly @usedhearts open up to each other about theirs.

Frankly it’s a startling display of mutual emotional vulnerability and I’m proud of them both.

Sir Pentious

whenever he came back from that, what did he do

cause it said he went right to telly so 👀

Alastor

Initially? Probably just tracked him down in whatever he was currently doing and went “can I hold you”

Sorta, holding it together by a thread barely

Sir Pentious

telly probably noticed but just 'yes' and let him Hold Him no matter how grimy he was at the time

Alastor

And he’ll be content with that for about three minutes before that one thread starts fraying and he goes “... can you hold me”

Sir Pentious

thats all it takes for him to coil around alastor and hold him Tight

Alastor

Curls up tight in him and sobs on his shoulder.

Sir Pentious

telly just holds him TIGHTER

makes little comforting/soothing sounds

he doesnt know why he's upset but he will be there for him

Alastor

They’re just both gonna be grimy and that’s Fine.

Sir Pentious

so very grimy

they can take baths later

Alastor

When he’s finally capable of attempting coherent speech again the first thing he’s gonna get out is “I never, ever, ever want to leave you.”

Sir Pentious

telly just takes his face in one hand and cradles it so gently and just 'ok, alright, you don't have to.'

give him a kiss

forehead kiss bc he's probably snotty

Alastor

He’s definitely snotty. He’s full on ugly sobbing.

Sir Pentious

oh hes probably not smiling huh

i think thats probably the first time telly sees that

Alastor

NOPE, he lost that sometime while he was hiding in Telly’s shoulder.

First time Telly’s seen him with the mask off

Sir Pentious

god thats got him WORRIED and he just HUGS HIM AGAIN NICE AND TIGHT AND COILED

telly: ive got you. ive got you, im here, it's alright...

Alastor

He’s just gonna keep clinging as hard as he can, he got out One sentence and now he’s sobbing too hard to talk again.

It’s a lot of radio static and feedback noise

Sir Pentious

telly is just going to KEEP HOLDING HIM god himself couldnt pry this snake off this deer and would get bitten and injected with venom for trying

Alastor

He’ll gradually stop sobbing and the shaking will decrease to shivering

Sir Pentious

telly's just going to hold him through it all, pet his hair, massage at the base of his ears, everything he can do to soothe him

Alastor

Mumbles his gratitude and an apology for interrupting telly’s work

Sir Pentious

telly: no no don't apologize. i love you and i want to be here for you. my work will still be there. id much rather know that you're alright and have it be interrupted than you be upset or hurting and you not come to me for fear of interrupting me.

Alastor

Mumble mumble he could have handled it himself

Sir Pentious

telly: i don't _want_ you to have to handle it yourself. i'm here for you, alastor. i want you to know that you can come to me whenever you need me and i'll be here.

Alastor

Tries to say three different things but chokes on them all and just wheezes out another thanks.

Sir Pentious

he just gets a squeeze and a kiss to the nearest him surface

Alastor

He keeps holding on until he can get a small, tired smile fixed back on his face, and then he pulls back to say “Thanks” again.

Sir Pentious

he gets another forehead kiss and then telly gonna lead him to the bathroom and they are taking a BATH they are now both covered in grim AND snot

Alastor

You know, that’s fair. Bath time. Strips down to boxers, climbs in with Telly, and Clings again. ... and sorry about Telly’s clothes, he’ll clean them before the snot fossilizes

Sir Pentious

Those were his dirty work clothes, it's fine, the Eggs will wash them. But it is BATHTIME, and they are both getting a scrubbing. Moreso Telly than Alastor tho.

Alastor

... can Alastor get a scrubbing too

Sir Pentious

Absolutely!

A softer scrubbing than Telly gets

Alastor

He’s going all jelly-eyed again. It’s ok he’s fine.

Sir Pentious

He gets a nice wash cloth and a nice gently scented soap, and a boyfriend to hum to him as he kinda reverently cleans him.

Alastor

He gets self-conscious SO fast, he’s gonna hold his breath and slide under the water. It’s fine he’s fine

Sir Pentious

Telly just smiles and giggles bc that's cute, you're cute Alastor. Probably wraps his tail tip around Alastor's ankle to gently and playfully tug him thru the water.

Alastor

!!! Grabs Telly’s wrists to pull him down into the water.

Sir Pentious

Now they're both underwater!! Gonna tussle with a sea serpent in his natural element, huh, Alastor!! Play time, silly mode ACTIVATED

Alastor

GOOD he’s ready to wrestle. He’s trying not to laugh, he doesn’t want to inhale water.

Sir Pentious

Time to PLAY and WRASSLE!!

Tumbling and splashing and a big grinning snake!!

Alastor

Alastor’s got a surefire way to win this wrestling match! He’s gonna GRAPPLE THE SNAKE COMPLETELY. ... basically he’s just hugging him. Hi.

Sir Pentious

Grapple the snake and the snake grapples back. Now you're wrapped in a tail Alastor, and getting a mermaid kiss.

Alastor

Oh no, what shall he do. This definitely wasn’t his plan. Totally wasn’t. Not at all. Nope.

Sir Pentious

Kiss kiss fall in love, and he's rising up out of the water, because he wants that mouth OPEN for TONGUE.

Alastor

When they get out of the water, Alastor breaks the kiss—sorry, not going for tongue this time

Sir Pentious

Telly blinks and just brief pouting, but holds him close all the same. Kisses cheek instead.

Alastor

“Sorry. Just... tired.” Considering he sobbed about half the liquid out of his body earlier,

Sir Pentious

Wipes the wet hair off his forehead and then kisses it. "That's fine. Come on then, lets get out and dry off. Would you like a snack before bed?"

Alastor

“I need a drink. Not a drink-drink, just a drink. Fluids.”

Sir Pentious

"Of course. I'll get you some water, once we dry off."

Alastor

A nod. He’s still in a quiet mood.

Sir Pentious

Telly gonna carry him out of the bath and set him on a rug. Get towel and start drying him

Alastor gets dried first because Telly Must Care For Him.

Alastor

He puts up a token struggle against this but okay as long as he goes next.

Sir Pentious

He will. Alastor gets handed a Towel and offered his pick of head or tail.

Alastor

Head this time.

Sir Pentious

He Offers Himself on Alastor's drying alter.

Alastor

Alastor Shall Dry This Offering. And while he does he says hesitatingly, “You don’t have to ask if you don’t want to. But you can if you want.” Because it’s been weighing heavily on him as Really Fucking Weird that he just unloaded a hurricane on Telly’s nice jacket and at no point did Telly ask what that was all about

Sir Pentious

He considers it and shrugs a little. "That depends: Do you want to tell me, or would you rather not tonight?"

Alastor

He has to think about it a moment. “I think you should know.”

Sir Pentious

"Alright. Then tell me."

Alastor

Thinks about it; but then just keeps drying.

Sir Pentious

Telly just looks up at him and blinks. "Well?"

Alastor

Stops drying again. “You’re sure?” Listen, this is hard to share,

Sir Pentious

"Yes. If it had you that upset and you say that I _should_ know, then I would like to know."

Alastor

He shouldn’t have said that. He wraps the towel around Telly, hugs him, and sighs. Okay.

Sir Pentious

He's just going to lay there on the rug with Alastor, and the towel wrapped around him. And state with his big ole eyes.

Alastor

No... Not the big ole eyes... That makes this harder. He’s gotta look away. “I... don’t want to be... here.” YEAH ALASTOR GREAT START, SUPER CLEAR, RADIO HOST OF THE YEAR

Sir Pentious

A very confused furrowed brow. "Meaning what?"

Alastor

“In Hell. In—existence.” He swallows hard. “Hell wears you down. It—rubs your soul raw. It sandpapers you off a bit at a time. And I’m—I’m tired.”

Sir Pentious

A soft, concerned look and a hand cupping his face. "Oh, love...I can understand that feeling. I'm...I'm tired too. It is very tiring. Before I met Hel, I'd been close to giving up entirely. And then before I met you, I'd been ready to check myself into that hotel, just to see if it was possible. Something to change the tedium...."

Alastor

“I spend so much of my time going on walks. I don’t have anything else to do but go on walks.” He covers Telly’s hand with his own so he can press into it and shuts his eyes. “Almost every year, I wonder whether this is going to be the year that I decide to go for a walk when the angels come.”

Sir Pentious

And his heart clenches so tightly in his chest. "Don't." The word is soft and unbidden, desperate.

"There have been many a year where I've felt the same...where I thought it would be better to just end it. But I didn't. Mostly out of spite, but that can only get you so far. I like having love to live for better. Or exist for. Neither of us are living." A dry, bitter, short chuckle.

Alastor

His heart skips a beat at the word, so pronounced he flinches at the odd th-thump. Still not used to those. “I won’t. *I never want to leave you.*” He pulls Telly close. “And you’ll stay here?”

Sir Pentious

"I will." It's a promise, a swear, and he can't help but sit up to kiss him, at least once. "Don't leave me and I'll stay here, too."

Alastor

Alastor returns the kiss; it’s not a formal pact with magic and all, but it feels like one. “Then we’ll both stay.” He presses his forehead to Telly’s, eyes still shut. “It’s... heavy, though.”

Sir Pentious

"I know. Damn it, do I _know_. Humans like us, we weren't meant to be eternal. It _fucks_ with us, especially knowing that we've already died. But you have me now. And I have you. And if we share our loads, it won't seem as heavy." He may be crying, just a bit, and luckily only from the face eyes.

Alastor

“Knowing we’ve died—and knowing we aren’t *worth* eternity. I know I’m not. I know Hell is a punishment, but—sometimes it feels so *generous.*”

But he nods, slightly, with their heads still together. “But—I have you and you have me. And good God, am I glad I do.”

Sir Pentious

"I understand. I know exactly what you mean." Sighs and wraps his arms around him.

"I'm glad to have you too. I...I love you." A small kiss.

Alastor

"I love you, too." And it hurts like hellfire to say. It's the thing keeping him chained here, and it's also such a part of the reason why Hell hurts at all.

He presses his face to Telly's shoulder; this time, at least, his crying is quiet.

Sir Pentious

His breath catches and the tears come again, more freely. He can feel the eyes on his tail beginning to leak as well, can't control it in the moment. Telly's arms wrap more tightly around Alastor, and one of his hands moves up to stroke and card through his hair. He squeezes his eyes (on his face) shut again, he shakes with quiet sobs, holding Alastor to him as if everything depended on keeping him close.

Alastor

He holds Telly just as tightly, an arm around his back and an arm around his shoulders. Guilt twists in him at being the one to make Telly cry; but Alastor’s not crying hard, this time around he can support Telly through his sobbing.

Sir Pentious

They're not hard sobs, instead soft little things, hiccups more like, and along with them comes a soft chorus of "Love you, love you, love you." The amount of emotions that are roiling around inside of him, who knows if the crying is sadness, happiness, or something else. But there is an overabundance and he is letting it out.

Alastor

And Alastor will keep supporting him until it’s all out, the same way Telly did earlier. He briefly lowers one hand to Telly’s tail and gently tugs, encouraging him to coil around Alastor if he wants. He can deal with a dozen eyes crying on him.

Sir Pentious

The tail barely needs any encouragement, it is up and coiling in an instant, squeezing Alastor's lower half. Not hard enough to hurt, but definitely very tight. Telly doesn't take too long to calm, the tears stopping and his breathing evening out. Then he's just breathing deeply against Alastor, still holding him tight, but with less desperation.

Alastor

Alastor rubs Telly’s back as the tears slowly stop coming. Once Telly’s breathing has steadied, Alastor murmurs, “How do you feel?”

Sir Pentious

"I'm not sure. I'm happy, but tired, and sad that you felt so tired, too."

Alastor

“I don’t want you to be sad on my behalf.” He sighs quietly. “But if there’s happiness in there too...”

Sir Pentious

"I can't help it, I love you, and knowing that you hurt, it hurts me too. But that's not to say 'don't tell me when you're hurting' because I _want_ to know. So that I can help if I can. Or just hold you, if that's what you need. But I'm happy because you love me, and you're here with me, and we can help each other. And that is what's most important, more than anything." A soft sigh in return, and a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

Alastor

“That’s the worst part of this whole thing, isn’t it? We’ve got to carry each other’s pain on top of our own—and then we feel guilty for paining each other.” Alastor laughs ruefully. “But I’m here for you. For whatever damage control we can do.” He returns the kiss.

Sir Pentious

"It's quite something: you want your love to not hurt, but then your hurt hurts them, and they don't want you to hurt, but their hurt hurts you, and it's just another fucking ouroboros." He laughs, a bit of a hysterical tinge to it. "But I'll endure it. For you."

Alastor

“I’ve always thought there was something beautiful in the image of devouring oneself alive.” There wasn’t anything beautiful in *this,* but maybe he could find it. “I will, too. As long as I give you more happiness than unhappiness.”

Sir Pentious

Telly pulls back just a tad, enough to see Alastor's face. He cups it and kisses him, pressing their foreheads together again. "You already have."

Alastor

“Make sure I keep it up.” He cupped Telly’s face as well, running his thumbs over his cheeks. “We’ve only just gotten started, and there’s a long eternity ahead of us.”

Sir Pentious

"I will. I hold you to that." A bit of a smirk, and he's uncoiling, and grabbing the towel again. "I'm mostly dry but still a little damp. Let's finish up and get some water, _I'm_ thirsty now too."

Alastor

Huff. “*Right.* Of course.” He retrieves the towel he’d wrapped around Telly’s shoulders and helps, taking special care with the tear streaks around his many eyes. “We can try out another one of your herbal teas, see if this’ll be the one I like. I can whip up something or other to go with it.”

Sir Pentious

Telly smiles and finishes drying, before taking Alastor's hand. He kisses it and then wraps it around his arm to start slithering towards the kitchen. "Anything in particular you want to try tonight? Or should I just try and pick something that I think you'll perhaps like?"

Alastor

“Whatever you want. It still all tastes like fruity tea to me.” He laughs self-consciously. “I’ll get there.”

Sir Pentious

"Maybe something with some citrus? For a zest? I have a few mixes like that." They are now in the kitchen and Telly's going to get the kettle on and then dig around for the teas.

Alastor

“Sure, I could use some zest.” He starts rummaging around to see what he can make that goes with something citrusy. He’s got this place pretty well outfitted by now, if he says so himself.

Sir Pentious

"Alright, I have a green tea with orange, clove, and ginger. It's very tasty, has a good bite." He hummed as he got out the clear pot that he'd used before, and two cups.

Alastor

Green tea, what goes with green tea? He’s got no idea what goes with green tea. He can slap together some tea sandwiches that go with orange, clove, and ginger, though. “How does chicken sound?” And perhaps a more important question: “When did you last eat?”

Sir Pentious

Cue him pausing as his brain starts to work, trying to remember. "Ahhh...this morning? Breakfast, yes, I think that was when." Oh look how concentrated he is on pouring the water into the pot he is now.

Alastor

Maybe something a bit more substantial than a rinkydink tea sandwich, then. “Would you say that tea’s more clove-y or ginger-y?

Sir Pentious

He lifts the dried tea to his mouth to blelele and hums. "More clove-y."

Alastor

“Then let’s make that beef instead of chicken. Compliments it better without having to toss in a dozen other spices—and we don’t want to overpower the tea, do we...” He presumes they don’t want to, anyway. He checks the fridge to see what they’ve got on hand. Watch out, he’s switching into Cooking Mode.

Sir Pentious

Telly loves when he switches into cooking mode. He's just going to move the cups and the pot to the table and then settle in to watch.

Alastor

Okay, keep it simple—he grabbed some roast beef, onions, watercress, mayo, and some odds and ends to mix into the mayo that will *hopefully* compliment the tea, passing each ingredient one by one to his shadow to find a place for on the counter. Alastor swoops by Telly to give him a quick squeezing hug on his way to start prepping sandwiches—maybe a slightly longer hug. Maybe he’ll linger here a moment.

Sir Pentious

Oh! A hug, yes, a hug is good. Get that snake purring like an engine. He's very tempted to coil but he won't, he's getting hungry just watching.

Alastor

Okay, no, no getting emotional. Twice in one day is enough. He’s got fancy mayo to prepare. He lets go and hurries to the counter. “So. What’s... What were you working on earlier?” Don’t mind if his voice is a little rough, it’s fine.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, just more repairs. Installing new parts and making some delicate calibrations that the Eggs can't handle." He's watching Alastor and not even paying attention to the tea, that's gonna seep for a good while.

Alastor

“I ought to take an evening or two to help out with repairs.” He’s talking as much to himself as to Telly. “I keep coming over and *watching,* there’s no reason I can’t pick up a wrench or screwdriver and pitch in.”

Sir Pentious

"I'd love for you to help, I can get instruct you what to do just fine, I know how capable you are." A smile, and then he's re-noticing the tea and pouring a cup. Adds a little honey for sweetness and takes a satisfied sip.

Alastor

He passes over the first sandwich. “If it goes horribly with the tea: I’m sorry, forgive me, I did my best, it’s not my fault.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughs. "I'm sure it will be fine, Alastor." He takes the sandwich and bites, and then takes a sip of tea, and then makes a very surprised and delighted noise. "Oh, that tastes wonderful."

Alastor

“Good!” He finishes his own, takes a bite—good—and pours some tea for himself to try—well, it still tastes like tea, but like, at least a tea that pairs well with the sandwich. “The good news is I think I’m starting to differentiate the taste of green tea from other teas.”

Sir Pentious

A smile. "Good! I'm glad. Maybe you're acquiring the taste for tea, at least a bit." A wink, and then he's back to eating. He finishes it far, far too fast-- Telly really does just inhale his food when propriety isn't a factor-- and then he's just sipping his tea. His tail slides over to curl around Alastor's calf.

Alastor

Alastor's taken two bites. He pauses before the third. "... Do you want another sandwich?"

Sir Pentious

Oh, shy snake look, and then a little nod. "Yes, please." And his tail retracts to let Alastor move.

Alastor

He waves his shadow over to do it and nudges Telly's tail with his foot. He's staying put.

Sir Pentious

Oh! Good, the tail is curling back around and holding him, and he smiles just so fond and bright. And another sip of tea.

Alastor

Alastor returns the smile—it still looks tired, but it’s just a little warmer when he meets Telly’s gaze. “I’m sorry I threw you off your schedule today.” Such as it was; Alastor was getting the distinct impression that Telly’s schedule was *however much I can get done today in as many hours as I can keep working.* “I’ll help you get back on track. And next time it’s your turn to have an emotional breakdown, all right?”

Sir Pentious

He laughs softly, and reaches over to take Alastor's hand, thumb stroking gently. "Alright, but you have to mop up after." A snicker.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand. “It’s a deal.”

Sir Pentious

He hums and takes another sip of his tea, not letting go of Alastor's hand. "Is my other sandwich done?"

Alastor

Alastor glances over.

His shadow is just, sorta, standing there, awkwardly, holding a sandwich, watching this tender moment. Heyyy.

Alastor gestures. Go on, put the man’s sandwich down.

Sir Pentious

And he is devouring the sandwich, very happily. A contented snake.

Alastor

Well, for all Alastor’s flaws, at least he can help keep one snake fed—and that’s something, isn’t it? He continues eating his own sandwich. It’s a little awkward with one hand, but right now nothing could make him let go of Telly.

[wavbleu]

Chris Evans: Daddy issues

Kinks: Older men, rough, praise, slight degradation,  Size kink, practically anything somebody with daddy issues would enjoy.

( i decided to smush daddy issues along with the babysitter plot) also, if you want a lengthy slow burn story read all the way through, if you just want the scene😉😉😉 just scroll down and look for the sign " *~*"

oh big daddy evans, may i please suck yo big juicy monstrous cock😩‼️

~~~~

~Backstory~

This was your first babysitting gig, you never thought you'd have to resort to watching a bunch of little kids for money (As you never really liked them) but you desperately needed the money for rent. You already work 2 jobs, babysitting was just quick and easy money for you.

You live with your unfortunate drunken father in a small 2 bedroom apartment, you've been living there for years, for so long that the appliances are starting to go rusty. Perhaps it is better than living  out in the streets, but its no looker. Your father doesn't have a job and doesnt want one either, always refuses to help out around the house because its "A womans job."; Or even be there for you; He barely even deserves the title 'Dad' .

It hasnt always been like this though, your mother left him to go pursue her held-back dreams while you were 8, and left you to stay with your dad, that was her biggest mistake yet. You havent seen her since. Now he just sits on his ass all day drinking away all his problems and complaining about yours.

thats until a single father asks for you to babysit his kid...

~~~

You slowly drove through the gated neighborhood and observed all the beautiful houses and tall hills, you were in absolute awe. You could only dream living in a place this wealthy. "The pay  here must be amazing." first thing popping into your mind as you looked at all the Lambo's and Ferrari's.

You drove around the block searching for the designated house, "210"

"205..206...208....210!" You mumbled to yourself cheerfully, finally finding the house, you pulled into the drive way and put your car in park.

You took a moment of silence to prepare yourself for a long night of loud screaming and toddler tantrums, breathing in.. exhaling out. After a couple of breaths and positive affirmations, you finally gathered the courage and patience to get out of the car, when you got out; you were introduced to the beautiful sight of the house the man lived in, it looked even greater up close.

It was absolutely breathtaking, you felt obligated to take at least a second to examine and admire the outstanding beauty of the home, it was probably the best on the block. You couldn't even bother to guess how much the house was worth as you estimated its probably worth more than you as a person and everything you own x10.

You slowly walked up to the front door, still admiring your surroundings.

You hesitantly knocked and stood back, fiddling with your fingers and jacket, hoping that the owner heard your soft knocks.

You observed the fine wooden door before you, looking at the stained glass above it. Fascinated , you'd slowly graze your fingers upon the engraved designs on the wooden door. Tracing your finger on all the swirls and squiggles. "Wow.." You'd exhale in captivation.

You heard the front door loudly swing open, snapping you of your trance like state, also making you jump back a little.

"Oh-" you'd gasp before your breath fell to an immediate halt, your eyes were met with a tall well-built man, with a well groomed black suit on and a long black tie to match. His hair was dark brown, slightly gelled to the side.

You felt your palms start to sweat and your knees start to tremble just looking at him.

"Hi?" You'd mumble slightly intimidated by his attractiveness , giving a small wave and awkwardly scratching your shoulder.

"Hello little one" He smiled down at you, he noticed how nervous and shy you were, and wanted to simmer you down. But it only made it worst.

"Im the babysitter." You'd shakily say, feeling dominated just by being in his presence.

Immediately, the man took interest and began slightly leaning on the door, a subtle smirk forming on his face.. "Really? i thought you were the muffin man." You'd both let out a little laugh.

"Sorry that was a dad joke." ,"But im aware of that already." , "Whats your name again?" He looks down at you awaiting your answer. "Oh uh, Y/n" You muttered.

"Y/n." ," You have a gorgeous name." He said with a deeper , more husky voice. "Thank you." You felt your face heat up and your heart thump. "Anytime."

He'd let out a light chuckle at your cluelessness, "You know y/n, there's a doorbell right there." , he jokingly pressed it, the doorbell let out a loud ring.

"your lucky i was near or wouldn't have heard your soft knocks and would've left you standing out here in the cold"

"We wouldn't want that would we?"  He said, with that deep husky voice again.

"No, i really would not."  You would clear your throat and trembling, finding yourself mesmerized by his voice. "Come in silly girl." He invites, holding the door open wide enough for you to enter, then closing it behind you.

The interior didn't fail to amaze you with its beauty either, this home was drop dead gorgeous inside and out.

"May i?" He stops you and offers to take off your jacket, you nod; stepping in front of him and spreading your arms back.

He slowly slid your jacket off your arms, not trying to be too rough on you since you were smaller than him.

Once the jacket was off, he'd plaster a charming smile on his face and say "There you go." then going to go hang it on the coat rack. "Im guessing you want to take off your shoes yourself." He joked.

Although you'd love for him to give you that feeling again, you figured itd be weird for him to touch your feet.

"Haha Yea." You giggle, beginning to untie your shoelaces, "Thats alright, when your shoes are off put them next to those shiny black ones"

"And when your done, take a seat in the living room over there; make yourself at home." He pointed to the white chair with a navy blue pillow sitting on top of it.

You slid off your shoes and put it next to the large pair of black shiny shoes. "His feet is so much bigger than mines"  His feet were twice the size of yours, you'd take a deep gulp, as your shoe made of up half of his entire foot.

You got up and slowly navigated your way to the white chair, admiring the interior on the way, and hesitantly took a seat. Still somewhat cautious of your surroundings.

The living room was covered with legos , cars, babydolls and toys, with a loud kids show displayed on tv, the brightness was up so high that the colors from the tv made you feel like you were gonna go blind. "Shit." Youd mumble before going to shied your face, You helplessly rummaged for the remote with no luck.

Chris saw what was happening as he was passing by came to help.

"I apologize." Chris apologizes, grabbing the remote and shutting the tv off. "He always turns up the brightness after i tell him not too, hes gonna make himself go blind." , "Are you ok?" He asked with a worrisome voice, putting a hand on your shoulder. "Yes im perfectly fine, atleast i hope so." You'd rub your eyes trying to get your normal sight back.

Apologetically, he bent down to the sofas level and handed you the remote with a smile. "Go crazy, we have netflix and disney +" , "Thank you sir." You thank, he'd ruffle your hair then continued to walk to the the kitchen..

You set the remote aside and followed Chris , although you would love to keep flirting with him, you still have to do what your getting paid for.

"Need something?" He exclaims as he sees you following behind him with a curious face.

"Yes sir" You'd politely say , clearing your throat , trying to come off as more professional.

"Is there anything i need to know about your child?" You sit down at one of the seats on the island, tuning into his words and listening for instructions.

He'd open the fridge and grab out the orange juice, "Yea, His name is carson, he hates anything thats the color orange.." He takes a swish of the juice " I want him in bed by 8, no sugar before bed." He sternly demands, "Hes already got sleeping problems and giving him sugar will just make him bounce off the walls." another swish "Thats it." He finishes the bottle.

"Well sir, if you dont mind me asking where are you going." , you say hoping that you arent coming off as invasive. "A meeting at my office." ,"Corporate is gonna be there so its quite important, and far."

"Is your job boring."  Youd ask trying to keep the conversation afloat, "Obviously it is darling, its a job." he'd say in that deep tone once again , leaning over the counter to look you in the eyes "Right.." You'd mutter, your breath picking up speed.

"Anyways do you wanna meet carson?" He'd say breaking the tension, then going to toss the empty orange juice box into the trash. "Yea of course" You'd say in a shaky tone, finding yourself almost hypnotized by his deep voice once again.

"Carson?! The babysitters here!" He loudly called upstairs. Man could he yell, his voice sounded like a siren.

Minutes later, a little boy came running into the kitchen, with a barbie doll in hand. "Hi little man!" You cooed at the little boy, with the kindest smile to give off a friendly impression.

"Im y/n, your babysitter for tonight!" You said in a high pitched voice, the little boy just gave a blank stare; then smiled. "Your pretty." He'd mutter, then letting out a small giggle. You felt your heart burst open, exploding with cuteness and adorableness. Getting compliments from toddlers always felt amazing. Carson is a charmer, just like his father.

"Well aren't you the sweetest little thing?", you'd pinch his chubby cheek.

"Looks like someone has a crush." Chris joked, "Ive gotta go." Chris mutters after checking his watch "Carson, have fun with the cute babysitter." he'd wink at you, then swiftly went to snatch his case off the  island and walked out the kitchen

"Bye-bye!" Carson would wave, "Bye kid." Chris responded back. You both watched Chris leave out the doors.

"Wheres your room charmer?" You say with a soft yet fun and engaging voice, just to keep him happy.

He'd drag you upstairs to his room.

~Time skip to 8pm~

"Will daddy be home soon?" Carson whispered while tucked in bed. "Yes daddy will be home.." You'd check your watch. "Very soon!", "You'll be far in dreamland by then though." You smiled and booped his nose, "Alright!" He smiled cuddling up into his unicorn plushy, getting into a comfortable position.

"Want the nightlight on?" , "Yes please!" he responded, you switched on the nightlight, and watched as it lit up the whole room with stars and space ships. You were amazed as if you were a little kid too. "Goodnight, and the bed bugs WONT bite." You say, leaving his room and carefully closing the door.

"That wasnt as bad as i expected." You sighed. You began feeling a tinkling feeling arise in you giving you the signal that you needed to pee, "Wheres the bathroom in this place?" You question, frantically opening doors left and right with little to no luck, everything being either a closet or a guest room.

You opened another door, hoping it was the desired destination, only to find Chris' room. It was quite big for a singular person. "I shouldn't look." You say, "Curiosity killed the cat." You hopelessly reminded yourself, but something in you wanted to look around and find out more about him as a person.

So you looked.

You walked over to his dresser and looked at all the photos neatly arrayed on it. It was all pictures of Carson winning something or getting an award at school. You smirked, but felt some kind of jealousy spark in you for some reason.

i wish i had that.

You came across one photo that was flipped over to where you cant see it, you decided to pick it up and look at it. It was a family photo, this time with a woman included. She was pretty, like super model pretty. Judging from how the picture was flipped over and how she doesn't live here you figured they divorced, and it was bad.

You were gonna to continue looking through the photos until you heard an "Ahem." from behind you. You felt your heart jump, swiftly turning around and attempting to find a good excuse.

"I was looking for the bathroom-" You panicked, Your breath quickened, as he walked over with a smug smirk on his face then stopping right before you.

He firmly grasped your chin and lifted it up, "Thank you for taking care of Carson, hes never fell asleep when he's supposed to." , you slowly nodded and plastered a crooked smile on your face. "Now, what make you wanna go through my things little one?" He says with that tone again.

"Im sorry, i just got really curious and-" , "You know i could easily cut money off your good paycheck for this?" He gritted his teeth, he was pissed.

"Im sorry." You say with a nervous and scared tone, "Its alright im joking with ya." He laughed, letting go of your chin and walking away. "Man your fun to get." He chuckled.

*~*

You let out a anxious yet relieved  chuckle, trying to process what the hell just happened.

"All of your photos of you and Carson are so cute." You say hoping to clear the air, unhurriedly taking a seat on his bed, whilst chris begins undressing his suit. "Thank you, me and Carson are quite photogenic." He replies, "I even kind of find myself jealous of you 2." you say in a more depressing voice.

"Jealous?" He questions, walking over to you and takes a seat next to you on the bed. "Why are you jealous?" He asks again, "My relationship with my father is fucked." you mutter. "You do everything for Carson, you'd give your life away for him in a drop of a hat."

"My dad wouldn't do this for me even if he was paid too. He'd probably spend all the money on crack anyway." , "Im sorry." he apologized, as if he did something wrong.

"its not you its just fucking daddy issues." You laughed wiping away the gathering tears in your eyes, "If you wanna talk to me you can let it out." He says, "I think your swell." he smiles and ruffles your hair again. You'd go in for a hug, he wraps his arms around you and kisses your forehead.

You'd pull away and stare, he reciprocated. "What are you looking at?" He whispers, glancing down at your lips and back at you.

You attached your lips onto his , resting your hand on his cheek. You felt as he gripped your hips and pulled you onto his thigh, straddling it.

You exchanged pecks and tongue, letting the heat between you to flow back and forth and take control. You let out a small moan as he guided your hips back and forth; creating friction on your clit. Smiling, he kissed your neck and left a hickey as he continued to thigh fuck you.

"Fuck~" You'd moan, grinding some more for more friction, "Needy one arent you?" He whispers into your ear, "Let me take care of you." He lifts you up off his knee, then slowly laid your body onto the bed.

"Take off your pants." He commanded, you slowly began working your sweatpants off, revealing to him your beautiful figure.

"Perfect." He mumbles, "Open your legs." He watched as you slowly spread apart your legs, showing him the wet spot on your panties.

"Your already wet for me?" He smiles, pressing his thumb down on the wet spot. He hovered himself over you, and kissed you and he teased your cunt through your underwears. You softly moaned as you felt his thumb go in small circles around your clit, kissing him became a challenge as it was constantly interrupted by your moans.

"Please stop teasing me" You ask, wanting more.

"Fine~" he goes to take off your soaked panties, "Wow." He said, as he removed the white panties , strings of your juices followed it. "I dont think i can tease you any longer, i need you now." He says with a needy tone, flipping you over to all fours.

He took off his black tie and tied your wrists together, making sure its knotted but not tight.

You heard his pants unbuckle and jangle, and his pants drop to the floor, you sat there with anticipation but also with slight fear.

"I was thinking of you at the meeting." He started, "Not an innocent kind of thinking either." ,"When you called me sir it did something to me." He bit his lip, then eagerly slid into you. His thick cock becoming covered in your juices. You both let out a small gasp.

"So i want you to call me sir again." He says pulling you hair back, looking you directly into the eyes. You obeyed "Yes sir." , he smiled with satisfaction . "Atta girl."

He let go of your hair putting you back into your original position, face down , ass up.

You moaned as he gave you slow-paced yet hard and deep strokes, he watched as you moaned while he teased your g-spot. You began to whimper and whine, wanting more than that. "Please go faster." You moaned into the sheets, "What was that?" He said giving you a obviously super hard stroke as you forgot to call him sir. You let out a soft whine from the pain and quickly corrected yourself "Please go faster..." "..sir."  you say in a soft yet sexy tone.

"Alright baby."," Brace yourself." He said before beginning to pound your little cunt,  you were surprised at how fast he was going that you actually started to brace yourself.

You felt so powerless and vulnerable with your hands tied behind your back, the only thing you were able to do was moan and just take his 9 inch cock.  "You were hoping for this werent you, little slut." He talked, "You wanted me to fuck you ever since you got here." he growled "Hm?" he says waiting for your response "Yes sir i did!" You admit, he began digging his dull nails into your hips and bringing you onto his cock harder. "Well you got what you want now fucking take it." He whispered.

"I think im gonna-" You moan, "Oh no your not." He says flipping you onto your back. He began taking off the tie, enabling you to move again.

"This is gonna be deep." He moaned.

You watched as he began towering himself over you, grasping onto the headboard for better balance and stability. "You can stop when you cant take it anymore." he re-affirmed, "Just keep your legs open for me is all i need in return."you were  pretty terrified, but in the best way possible.

He slowly slid his dick back into your cunt, giving a slow pity fuck, to start. "Thats it?" You thought to yourself, expecting something rougher.

But you spoke to soon, you watched as his grip on the headboard tightened and he started to prop himself up. He started to vigorously fuck you, moving his hips back and forth in an inhuman pace. You felt like a little flesh light the way he was using you.

You'd grip onto his waist to keep from cumming to fast, "Don't be scared to leave a mark." He moaned, you obeyed and started to dig your nails into his muscular back leaving scratches, he moaned in pain yet pleasure.

You struggled to keep your legs open, it felt so good that you could hardly even keep quiet.  He had to aggressively force your legs back open. He let go of the head board, starting to kiss you and your neck as he desperately fucked himself into your tight and throbbing hole.

"Why dont we play with this thing hm?" He whispers as he reached a hand down to occupy your swollen clit. "Be a good girl and cum for me" He smiles upon you, "You can do it, cum." He asks again.

He spat onto your cunt and swirled his thumb around your clit, he bit his lip as he felt it throb and your legs shake, "Oh so sensitive." He cooed.

You started to feel that tinkling sensation again, and felt it quickly override your whole body before it exploded. He watched as your eyes rolled back, "Thats it!" He'd smile as you squirted onto his chest, making an absolute mess everywhere..

"Alright my turn." He says gripping onto your hips, making your lower body lift up, and pounding himself into your hole. Like you were a toy. You watched from below as he ferociously used your cunt, extremely needy to cum. He loved how tight you got after your climax and couldn't hold on any longer.

"Fuck im gonna-" He moans subby, "Shit-" he says again, stroking himself into you one more time before letting out a warm load into you. "Fuck-" He moaned again, falling onto you. Doing one more stroke to make sure your filled up with his juices.

"You did such a good job for me baby." He kissed your cheek, "Thank you sir.", he lifted back up to inspect the headboard. "Shit.", He smacked his teeth, "This always happens." , "What does?" You asked. "I put a dent in the headboard when i gripped it." ,"What am i gonna tell them this time." , " That i was fucking my sons babysitter and got out of hand?" , "They'd call cps on me." He joked, you both let out a laugh.

You yawned exhausted, "Im so proud of you for taking me with no complaints." He places another kiss on your forehead. "No problem." You respond.

"Now go pee." He giggles, reminding you before you drift off to sleep.

~~~

(edited)

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part Three

Okay y'all so here it is!! Part 3 of the Return series!!! Ivar and reader relationship developmentttttt💕 Hope you guys like itttt :) Lemme know if you guys wanna be tagged too. And don't kill meeeee pleaseee 😂

Part 1  Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @camatsuru @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit

Disclaimer: My sucky writing again. Bad grammar and spelling😂 Character death. And bad plot in general.

Your POV

Excitement. Thats all I could say I was feeling at the moment. To finally be back in Kattegat with my family was something I never thought would have happened again. After my father’s grand announcement of my return, the room overflowed with happiness. People were coming up to me, asking me where I had been for the past 6 years and how I had survived. Obviously, I tried to answer everyone’s questions to the best of my ability without giving too much information. For I still didn't know, the true reason as to why I had to leave or who wanted me gone.

The happiness in the hall however did not last very long. Aslaug, the woman who was questioning Bjorn earlier that night. Was actually my father’s wife. “Im sorry? She's your what now?!?!” Aslaug screams of sorrow over my existence could probably be heard all the way in Frankia. My father however, seemed to have very little interest in her reactions at all. He had cast her to the side as if she meant nothing to him. During the course of the next few hours neither my father nor Bjorn left my side. It was as if they thought something would occur to me if I was out of their side for more than a second. “Father, if it is alright with you I would like to go outside for some fresh air.” I tell him, whilst grasping his hand to truly catch his attention. Cupping my face he says “My sweet little girl, you may do anything you please. However, I would prefer that you do not stray too far from here, as I have just gotten you back. And I would not be able to handle losing you again.” With that he gives me a kiss on my forehead and sends me on my way. 

However, I can still feel the overbearing presence of my older brother. “Bjorn, you know Im not gonna run away, if thats what you're afraid of.” I tell him whilst stepping outside. “Im not afraid of you running away. Im afraid of something happening to you (y/n). Plus worrying about you is my job, always has been.” Leaning on one of the wooden beams, I cant help but to stare up at the sky and hold my cross between my fingers. Thinking to myself how different life would have been if I had not left. “ Im only a few steps away shout if anything happens. Okay?” “Okay! And Bjorn... I love you.” At that Bjorn kisses my forehead and walks back inside.

Unbeknownst to me, a certain dark haired man was lurking in the shadows. “Awwww, If I had a heart I would think that was probably the sweetest reunion Ive ever seen.” Turning to the sound of that familiar voice, I see Ivar leaning on his crutch making his way towards me. “I never thought that I would have a sister. And a Christian one at that.” The way that his eyes scan over my body makes me feel a certain way that I cannot quite describe. And the way that his features are outlined by the moonlight really gives a sense of how handsome he is. “Wait, are you implying that...” 

“Well, if all Christians are as slow as you I don't think we’ll have a problem conquering them.” A smirk is displayed on his face, while his eyes show a hint of deviance in them. “Why do you think that Bjorn and Ubbe look so much alike (y/n)?” “Or the fact that we all share similar traits like our eyes?” As Ivar continues to talk down to me as if I were a child, I start to connect the dots. Why it was that Bjorn and Ubbe look alike. The way that they all seem to share the same traits as my father. The four young men that Bjorn introduced me too, are actually my brothers. 

With wide eyes I come to the realization that...“You’re my brother.” “Took you long enough.” At that Ivar seems to crack what looks like a genuine smile. “You know, I always thought that I was the youngest, but now that I'm not...” The genuine smile I had probably imagined was now a devious one. “ Now, baby sister. Why don't you and I go and sit down by those steps down there. And you can tell big brother Ivar, what you've been up to all this time?” Without being able to answer, Ivar grabs my hands and takes me towards the steps. Why do I feel like this night is just getting started...

-----------------------------------------

Ivar POV

Needless to say all of us were in shock to learn that (y/n) was our sister. Especially Hvitserk, who had not only been enchanted by her beauty, but was  already planning how he would take her from Bjorn. I however, knew something was up the minute I saw her in the great hall. She had no scars whatsoever on her body, meaning she wasn't a shield-maiden. And absolutely no callouses on her fingers from when she took the ale, meaning she definitely wasn't a thrall. And Bjorn wouldn't cheat on Torvi, unless he wants his balls cut off. Something intrigued me about her instantly. It was if she had been sent to me by the Gods, her sharp tongue reminded me of mine. The way that she stood up for my mother not even knowing that she had caused Lagertha and Ragnar to break up amazed me. The way she handled herself with grace and dignity was exactly what I wanted. No, what I need for in a wife.

“Ivar, are you okay? You've been staring at me for the past 5 mins without saying a word.” (y/n) places her hand on my knee to draw my attention whilst looking straight into my eyes. “As a matter of fact, Im trying to piece together, how we’re the same age, and we never met before you left.” As she goes to lift her hand from my knee, something instinctively goes over me and I grab her and hold it were it was. The initial shock she and I both had at my actions soon subsided. She let her hand rest under mine. As if we had done this countless times before, our fingers intertwined and they in my eyes fit perfectly. I could see the inner turmoil inside her, on whether these small affectionate moments between us were something that was so wrong, but that felt so right. 

It was not just moments ago that I had found out she was indeed my sister. Blood of my blood. But somehow, something in me told me that we were meant to be. I felt safe and strangely loved by this person in front of me, whom I have never met before. “You know Ivar, we lived on a farm. I was 100% certain that I would be a farm girl for the rest of my life. I was content with knowing that I would spend my life tending to the animals and my family. But, this is just too much.” Looking down at where our once intertwined hands were. I see that she is now staring at the ground playing with the ends of her long braided hair. “Why? Because you feel as if you're not good enough? Look at me for Odin’s sake! Im a cripple!” At that moment our eyes connected and I saw a reflection of myself in her. A scared child who was deprived of a normal childhood. Seeking for acceptance and love from anyone. 

“(Y/n), come inside father wishes to speak to you.” Bjorn says coming out from the great hall ale in hand. Clearly drunk as well. “Sure thing, I’ll be there in a second.” As she goes to stand up (y/n) turns to me and kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you for the pep talk, big brother.” 

I knew that I could not be the only one feeling this way. She had to have been feeling the same about me. And I will go to the ends of the world and face the God’s themselves if they think that for a second I will not make her mine. 

Your POV

What had I just done! I kissed him whether it be on the cheek or not. I kissed Ivar. My brother. Oh lord, forgive me for these sinful thoughts are consuming me. The intense feeling I got from us holding hands and from when he stared into my eyes. I had felt at home. Felt safe, felt something that I should only be feeling for the man I should marry. Not my brother! As I enter the great hall, all eyes turn on me. Remembering what I had just talked to Ivar about, I keep my head up. I shouldn't be ashamed, or feel as if I'm less than I am.

As I make my way to my father through the crowd once he spots me his eyes light up immediately. Sitting on his thrown he extends his hand and makes me sit on the throne beside his. “My beautiful daughter are you feeling alright now?” He says to me a little louder as if to make sure that people know not to mess with me. “Y..yes father Im feeling much better.” I murmur to him. At that moment my eyes trail off as if to find something that would take me out of this position right now. I have never been one to be the centre of attention. And as much as I wanna believe in myself that I can be a good princess to my people, at the moment that is not going to happen. As I scan the room my eyes land on Hvitserk. He’s eating a piece of chicken las if it were his last meal ever. I cannot help, but to laugh at him and that when he notices. He flashes a smile that could certainly melt any lady’s heart.  Without realizing I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and bit my lip. Biting my lip when Im nervous is something Ive always done.

However, what did not realize was Ivar eyeing me from behind him. At that I stop and stare at the ground. As the hours go by, finally the last person leaves the great hall. Leaving only my father and brothers with me. “Sooooo, where is (y/n) supposed to sleep, father?” Asks Ubbe. Coming from behind me Hvitserk puts his arm around my shoulders bringing me closer to his body. “She can sleep with me! I don't mind sharing my bed with her.” At this Ivar scoffs. “Of course you wouldn't, you wouldn’t mind sharing your bed with anything that has a pulse.” I tilt my head trying to figure out whatever he means by that. And all that can be heard is the snickering of my father. 

“I was thinking that perhaps I could sleep with Bjorn. You know since we used to share a room when we were little...” I say wishing that what I feel most comfortable with could be taken into account. “I don't know about that one baby sis, you'd have to ask Torvi. She defiantly doesn't like sharing thats for sure.” as Ivar says this he smirks at me while taking bite out of his apple. “Who’s Torvi?” “Wait! Bjorn didn't tell you? He's married.” 

At that moment a scream was heard throughout the town.

“Oh My God, Mira!!!!” at that moment I shot out of Hvitserk’s arms and ran as fast as I could. How could I have been so stupid that I left my friend by herself in an unknown place. Seeing the people gathered around Bjorn's cabin only made my heart more nervous. Pushing my way past the crowd I make it up the steps in one piece. But what I saw would forever haunt me. There on the floor lied my once best friend and most trusted subject Mira. And on her back was carved the death rune. All I remember is hitting the floor and watching a pair of worried and frantic electric blue eyes.

[eiro-ae]

Unsure

Genre: Fluff, slight angst

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: None

It was late afternoon when you had managed to make it home, a cute valentines gift bag in your hands, full with gifts and a card for your one and only valentine. It had taken you so long to hand make half of these items, but it was definitely worth it. You placed the bag on display on your kitchen counter before making your way to your room and pulling out your phone.

[6:23pm] Whatcha doin?

You waited for a moment, a giddy smile upon your face.

[6:27pm] Practice.

The one word response was a little new, he had always made time to give you an appropriate response because he knew you hated one word responses. However, you let it slide, just thinking that he must be super busy.

[6:29pm] I have something for you. Can you text me when you’re available?

Another moment passed, the three dots seemingly permanent on the screen.

[6:32pm] Sure, it’ll be a little bit though.

As much as you had hoped it would be sooner, you understood that he was busy, so you gave a small pout before replying.

[6:34pm] Okay, that’s fine.

To pass time, you laid there, scrolling through youtube. A few funny videos popped up, and of course you had to watch those. One in particular had almost brought you to tears from laughing so hard, so you decided to send it to Yangyang. You didn’t expect any response, and as you expected, you got nothing.

You continued to wait, for much longer than you wanted. It was getting later and later and not a single word from Yangyang. Your heart began to drop, bringing your mind to a thinking state. A state you knew you didn’t need to be in. You always overthought things, and you knew that, but you just couldn’t help it. Yangyang was the first good thing that has ever happened to you and you were just so scared that he too would get tired of you and walk out on you.  

It was now 8pm, and you still hadn’t heard a single word from him. Does he even know what today is? Did he just forget? Those questions brought you to another question, one that you had put off for so long. What are we?

You and Yangyang had been friends for so long, and you obviously had a massive crush on him, but… when he asked you to be his girlfriend, he was so confident. He kind of laughed about it, as if it was a joke. Of course you said yes, you’d be a fool to say no. His face had fallen, he seemed so shocked that you had said yes. You couldn’t tell if it was because he wasn’t expecting you to feel the same way, or if he was shocked you took his joke seriously. He never said anything about it, instead he just said okay before running off with his friends.

Now that you two were… together? You hated that you couldn’t quite label it. Anyway, he doesn’t treat you like his girlfriend. He still treats you like a friend. He never holds your hand, he never kisses you, he never calls you any names other than your name or some stupid nickname he gave you in middle school. You were starting to wonder if maybe he was joking that day, that he didn’t actually want you to take it seriously.

You shot up from your lying position, eyes wide and mind racing. Was he joking that day and now has to deal with you because you said yes? Was he just trying not to hurt your feelings? Did he not want you? Is that why he’s so distant? It would make sense. You could feel the familiar sting in your eyes, trying your hardest to push back the tears, telling yourself it was a stupid reason to cry and that you were just overthinking things again, but it only made it worse.

You gripped onto the pillow you had been holding before shoving your face into it as you cried. You didn’t even notice your phone going off behind you.

[8:22pm] Okay, I’m done. What’s up?

[8:29pm] Hello? Did you fall asleep? It says you’re reading my messages

[8:34pm] I know you’re awake, you never sleep this early.

You still didn’t even notice that he was blowing up your phone, even when he called you.

[8:37pm] 1 missed call

[8:43pm] 2 missed calls

[8:48pm] 3 missed calls

He was determined to reach you, but you just wouldn’t answer your phone. He knew how you were so it was only beginning to worry him.

[8:51pm] Please answer me, you’re starting to make me worry.

[8:56pm] This isn’t like you… what's wrong?

At this point you had calmed down with the tears, instead you laid there in your bed, curled up like a child, completely forgetting that you even had a phone.

[9:16pm] Fuck this, I’m coming over.

The tears had picked back up, and you hated yourself for it. You kept telling yourself to stop being a baby, that it’s a dumb reason to cry. After another ten minutes you had expected it to die down again, but it only picked up even more and you were to the point where you were choking on your tears. You didn’t even hear the door to your apartment open, nor the footsteps that led to the opening of your bedroom door as well.

Yangyang stood there, watching your shaking figure and listening as you cried. His heart had dropped and he was more than confused. He slowly made his way to you, announcing his presence.

“No, no, no, come here.” He lifted you up as he sat on your bed before pulling you to him. You latched onto him, crying into his shoulder. You wanted to stop but it was only making it worse now that he was here.

After a good few minutes, you were able to calm down enough to pull away from him. He looked down at you with a concerned expression.

“Why were you crying?” He asked you softly as he moved a strand of hair from your face. You didn’t know how to tell him, you felt like maybe he’d just look at you like you were stupid for it. However he has a way of making you tell him what he wanted to know so you just learned to give up and tell him anyway.

“I.. um…” You sighed, looking away from him. “What are we?” You deadpanned, bringing a wave of silence into the room. Yangyangs brows furrowed as he thought about the question.

“What do you mean?” He asked, genuinely confused at the question.

“I mean.. You asked me to be your girlfriend, but you looked so surprised when I said yes.” You started. He was still quite obviously confused.

“Well I mean, I was…?” How did you even properly explain to him how you felt?

“I know but… it seemed like maybe you were joking when you asked me out? And maybe you were shocked because I took your joke seriously? I mean, you haven’t treated me any different from that day. You never hold my hand, you never call me any cute names, you never kiss me, you never do anything and I was starting to wonder if you were just dealing with me because you didn’t want to hurt my feelings.” It was silent again, and you were starting to regret even telling him that.

“That’s not it at all.” He states plainly, going to grab your hand before sighing.

“It was never a joke, I wanted you, I still want you. I was surprised because you said yes so quickly and I was expecting a no. I was so nervous that day but I had to do it. I never do anything with you because I’ve been too nervous to. I didn’t want to move too fast because I didn’t want to scare you off. I guess that was the wrong choice. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t want you.” The explanation was enough to make you cry again, but you forced them back. Yangyangs hand made its way to your cheek, rubbing away the tears that had already fallen.

“If you want me to hold your hand, just tell me. If you want me to call you baby, I will. If you want me to kiss you, don’t hesitate to ask me. I’d love to do all these things, I just didn’t want to rush you.” You looked up at him with glossy eyes, searching for any hint of insincerity in his own, but there was none.

“Kiss me.” You spoke softly. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he looked down to yours. He angled your face as he leaned down, his eyes closing as his soft lips met your own. The kiss you shared was gentle, but it meant so much to you. You kissed him back with such feeling, and you could almost understand how he felt just by the way he kissed you. When he pulled away, you were slightly disappointed, wanting nothing more then to attach your lips to his once more. He gazed down at you with a smile.

“So.. about that gift.” You let out a giggle before lightly smacking his arm.

“Kiss me again and I’ll go get it for you.” He smiled before leaning down to meet your lips once more.

“Gladly.”

This was based on a dream that I had. I honestly forgot I wrote it but I thought I’d go ahead and post it. 

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Two Christmas’ (Alec Volturi x Reader)

You were nervous. You were still working on your relationship with Jane but was disadvantaged since you were romantically involved with Alec. She thought you were taking her brother from her and it especially didn’t go well since you were human. Even Alec himself, had trouble with that sometimes. As of recently things were going well and you didn’t want to ruin that. 

You and Alec made plans for spending some time out of the castle on Christmas day which was tomorrow. Alec wanted Jane to come along since they didn’t like being apart unless they had to. Jane decided to go but they were interrupted by Aro, who offered his opinion. “I don’t believe you should, Jane. Such a day should be spent exclusively with your significant other. I don’t think (Y/N) would appreciate you coming along.” The twins were very disheartened by this so much so that they said nothing else about it. Alec only just telling you. While he was away to meet some nomads on the outskirts of Italy, you saw the opportunity to approach Jane and give her what you had been hiding all along.

You dug into your beside drawer taking out a box about the six of your palm. You’d never be ready so you immediately left, trying not to think too hard on what you were about to do. 

You knocked on the door, hiding the box behind your back and Jane opened it a second later with a skeptical look. “Hi Jane, I was hoping I could talk to you?” “...Very well. Close the door behind you.” Jane turned away and you hurried in, doing as she asked.  “Take a seat.” She gestured to the bed. You complied and she followed suit.  “You’ve been awfully quiet. You’ve been locked away in here for about two days now...are you okay?” “I can assure you, im fine.” She said with a stoic expression. It sounded systematic in how she said it. “Uhm, well, Alec told me-” “What do you have behind your back?” Jane tried to peer behind you but you continued to block her view. “I’ll show you in a second. I just want to talk to you about something first.” You said quickly and she remained quiet. “Alec mentioned that you two were talking about tomorrow.” she hummed in agreement, nodding once.  “He also told me what Aro said.” You didn’t get a response so you continued. “I didn’t think it fair for Aro speak for me. Truth be told, Alec didn’t tell me anything about this until just before he left. So i didn’t know that you coming was even on table but i wanted to tell you in person that I’d be thrilled if you came with us.” Jane seemed taken aback for a second. “But Aro-” “-was wrong, or at least, he wasn’t accurate. Christmas is about spending the time with the people you love and i want to spend it with my family.” “I dont understand.” Jane muttered. “I know you have your judgements about me and i know you think i’m going to snatch your brother and run away but I promise i have no intention. I find it admirable how close you two are, I wouldn’t dream of separating you. It wouldn’t be right if you weren’t there, not just because i know it would dampen Alec’s mood but also because...you’re my sister.”  What really drove it home was you calling Jane your sister. She wouldn’t have believed you otherwise but if you were exceptionally cruel, you wouldn’t have went to such lengths. It made her second guess whether she was really losing her brother or if she was actually gaining someone else. 

“So, um, I got you something, consider it a Christmas present that’s also a peace offering?” You gave her a small smile holding out the black box. “I mean, im not really supposed to give you it until tomorrow and I didn’t get the chance to wrap it or anything but-” You were cut off when Jane gently took the box, looking shocked. “How...when?”  “I have my ways.” You joked lightly. She opened it and stared at it.

Inside was a silver charm bracelet, already including three charms. “I didn’t know what kind of charms you’d like or if you even liked charms so forgive me if you don’t like them.” You scratched behind your neck. One was red with black roses, another glittering gold and the last white and opaque.  “It’s beautiful.” Jane trailed her fingers along it. “Tell me about these...charms.” Jane said quietly.  “Oh well, you can pick your own and have as many as you like. Is your first time seeing them?” Jane nodded. “They look like small pendants.” You smiled. “Do you like it?” You asked and Jane nodded again. “Thank you. I’ve never received a gift for an occasion. Gifts are rare.” “Im glad, i didn’t show Alec to see if you’d like it. I haven’t got him anything or anyone else for that matter." Jane heard something as her head perked up. "Alec's returning. He's coming this way." "Hide that!" You said quickly with excitable glee as Jane quickly put it in her desk drawer and made her way back. 

A minute later, Alec walked through the door. "Im surprised to see you two together." "Yes well-" You spoke up but Jane interrupted you. "We missed you, brother. (Y/N), decided to visit and check on me. It's a sweet gesture, don't you think?" Alec nodded with a soft smile. "I appreciate you looking after my sister whilst I'm gone, cara mia." Alec looked at you before bending down to kiss your forehead. You smiled back at him as he moved to quickly kiss his sister's cheek and sat beside her. Before long he was lying on his back. "Alec, please do not make a mess of my bed." Jane scowled. Alec huffed and Jane lightly shoved his arm. "Jane, you know how to make a bed." "That doesn't mean I enjoy doing it." "We have to do it all the time." Alec muttered and Jane, alarmed, looked to you. "Your brother likes to wrestle. Imagine that, eh? A young guy -however old he is- being fueled with testostero-" Alec rolled over, covering your mouth. "let's go. You've said enough." You groaned. "Alright, alright, I'm going, I'm going." Alec hauled you up as you walked back to your shared room. 

He let you go in first, closing the door and wrapping his arms around you from behind. You turned to face him in his arms, wrapping your own around his neck as he smiled at you. “What are you two up to?” Alec’s voice was quiet. “Worried?” You teased. “No, I’m happy to see you both get along but Jane has taken to you rather quickly.” “It’s a start...I gave her a christmas present.” “You did? What did you give her?” Alec seemed surprised. “A charm bracelet, im sure you’ll see it.” “That’s very kind of you cara mia.” “Oh we aren’t done there, my love.” You grinned at him. “Do you remember telling me about your talk with Jane about tomorrow before Aro got involved?” “Of course.” “Well, I told Jane i wouldn’t have it any other way. I insisted that she come with us tomorrow.” “You did?” Alec’s smile vanished, as though he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. You nodded. “Of course I did. She’s your sister. I’m sure she’ll tell you exactly what i sa-” You were interrupted when Alec gave you a kiss before pulling you into a hug.  “Thank you.” You heard him say into your shoulder. 

Christmas day couldn’t have come fast enough. “Now that is a big Christmas tree.” You said gazing up at the huge decorated tree in the town square but also being met with falling snowflakes to the face. You turned to see both Jane and Alec, also looking up at the tree with violet eyes.  “It’s impressive, indeed.” Jane said. All the surrounding stores were shut but the lights on their display windows still on. One particular display window caught your eye. You gasped. “Oh Jane! Come and see this!” You took Jane’s hand and pulled her along, lightly running toward the window. Alec couldn’t help but smile at the sight of seeing the love of his life and his sister, hands interlocked as they rushed ahead. He stayed back admiring the sight before following after you.

You both peered into the window still holding hands. "More charms!" You exclaimed. "Oh, I love that one!" "I like the silver and blue one." Jane smiled. "Where is it?" You looked puzzled unable to locate it. Jane pointed to the charm. It was silver plated and navy blue with a slight shimmer to it, no where near as glittered as Jane's gold charm. "Oh me too!" You nodded profusely. As she lifted her hand to the window, a twinkle caught your eye. There, on her wrist, was the bracelet you got her which you were certain she had been hiding under her sleeve.

Last Christmas had went from uneasy to one of the best. You remembered it well. It didn't take long for Jane to accept you after that. Whilst the twins still preferred to have their own time together. You were included more often and Jane seemed much happier to see you giving you a smile as she would the Masters or Alec.

You bound into the room, Christmas Eve arriving once again. "Why don't you give your love for Christmas!?" You sang out as you enter the room. "Why hello to you too." Demetri turns to look at you with a smile. "So fun fact, I've got you guys presents this year. However...my bestie gets hers before any of you. She's my favourite." You grin handing Jane a small bag. Jane smirks as she opens the small bag to find another three charms, one however was silver and smooth which has her name on it in cursive. The perfect addition.

[missjackil]

Winsecurities

I have no doubt in my mind that Sam and Dean love eachother in every human way possible. This is in no way to say one loves the other more than the other, but to just have a look around Sam and Dean’s relationship and see where and possibly why, they are insecure sometimes with each other. 

Anyone reading this that knows me, knows I love both of these boys. I do favor Sam but I have no lowkey or highkey hate for Dean... he’s my buddy and a good dude and just as deserving of love and happiness as Sam is. With that said, it may appear sometimes in this post that Im dumping on one, or blaming him for something unnecessarily, but Im not, Im just making an honest observation.

Since this is about Sam and Dean’s insecurities, this is going to be a long post. So bag a lunch, get comfy, and click the cut if you feel like reading.

Sam and Dean are the most selfless people I know. They’re not selfish men at all, though both displayed some selfishness as kids, but thats normal. They’;ve both grown into men more than willing to put others before themselves, and sacrifice everything for the greater good. However they do have a selfshness when it comes to each other, and this fans the flames of their insecurities. 

If you could ask either of them “Do you love your brother?” Both would say “Yes” before you finished the sentence, but if you were to ask either “Does your brother love you?” They might pause for a second before you get the “Yes”. In their hearts they know it as surely as the sun rises in the morning, but in their heads, sometimes they’re conflicted. 

Sam has an irrational fear of Dean replacing him. He needs to be everything to Dean and doesnt like when others seem to take his place. We dont really even see this until s8 and the show has been chipping at it ever since. Dean has an irrational fear of losing Sam. Either by choice or by death. Dean defines himself as Sam’s caretaker, and doesnt want a life that Sam isnt in. I say these fears are irrational in the sense that neither should be fearing it anymore, not in the sense that the fear has never been warrented. We just recently learned that Dean still fears that Sam is going to decide to leave him someday. 

I believe that Sam has always loved his place in Dean’s world. The precious little brother that Dean protects without argument. His best friend, confidant, the one who always has his back and fully trusts to have his own back. Sam loves that Dean would die for him, so Sam would die for Dean just the same. There have been times though, that Sam has felt smothered. He’s even said so, but he just wants space to grow and breathe, and be Sam, and not only Dean’s little brother, so Sam has seperated himself from Dean at times, and Dean takes it like Sam doesnt need or appreciate him. 

I believe that Dean thinks about Sam first in everything. He depends on him to be his best friend and confidant, to have his back and save him when he needs saving, but Dean likes to surround himself with friends, family and allies, and Sam sometimes takes it as though he’s expendable in Dean’s world. Sam and Dean are each other’s spouces, in every sense of the definition that matters. They are two very different people but one single unit.

Dean’s insecurities with Sam came to our attention very early in the series. Since S1 Dean has shown how badly he wants Sam with him, and fears him leaving. In the Pilot episode Dean says he needs Sam to help him find Dad, and Sam tells him he can do it on his own, and Dean tells him he doesnt want to. We were never given any insite into why they didnt speak for 2 years so, Im just going to leave that out as it seems to be irrelevant to everything. 

I believe they began when they were kids, and Sam started wanting to be like a normal kid. We know from Just My Imagination that at 9 yrs old Sam was begging to come hunting with Dad and Dean, we also learned that he would also like to run away and be normal. At that age, he chose to go with Dad and Dean, instead of running away, but as he aged, it became clear that he didnt want the hunting life. 

I dont think this meant that Sam hated his Dad or Dean at all, he feared for them and himself, so he took himself away from the situation when he could. Having Thanksgiving at a friend’s house, hiding out in a cabin in Flag Staff, going to college, none of these are bad things that Sam did (well ok maybe running away and hiding in a cabin is debatable) but Dean took it personal as leaving him. 

Dean loves taking care of Sam. He’s said he never had to be told to, he would have done it anyway. Sam has always loved it too but when Dean took off to hunt with Dad and left Sam alone he chose something over Sam, and thus fed his insecurities. 

I think where Sam’s insecurities began, just using canon, was always when Dean put something ahead of Sam. He left Sam in a motel room so he could play video games, and Sam almost got killed. Dean left him at Plucky’s to troll for girls while Sam was being scared by the clowns, he left Sam to hunt with Dad, so who was protecting Sam then? Sam thought all these other things were more important than him, and if they were, then does Dean even still love him? (possible thoughts of an adolescent boy)

So we dont really see this insecurity in Sam much until S8 when Dean had Benny. When Sam met Benny, he was ready to kill him before he even knew he was a vampire. There was no way Sam knew he was a vampire when he went for his blade. He was ready to kill him for being some big dude that went on a hunt with Dean... a replacement.  We didnt even know Sam had any qualms with Dean’s friendship with Cas until Dean wanted to go with Cas on his quest but felt he needed to stay behind and help Sam. Sam told him to go, but when Sam was ready to die for thinking Dean cant do this job with him, cant trust him, and would rather be anywhere than help Sam see this through, he gave Dean (and us) an ear full of his pain. And we were all (Dean included) Wait!! Hold up Sam!! Just think for a moment ok? 

Dean assured Sam that nothing is more important than him, never has been, never will be... and Sam came down off the ledge. Sam got hit with the insecurities again in S9, after the trouble with Gadreel, and Sam worried about his place with Dean again. At the end of Sharp Teeth, Sam tells Dean things are broken and they cant be fixed just by saying theyre family, because all their crap comes down to them being family. So he gives Dean somewhat of an ultimatum. You want to work? Lets work... if you want to be brothers?..... well those are my terms” I didnt like that Sam didnt finish that statement, but Im pretty sure, judging from the next several episodes, that the statement would have been “If you want to be brothers.... then we cant work together” and then we see that they took the root of working instead of brothering, and now Sam sees himself as just a hunting parter to Dean. Is it true? Of course not. But we see the whole pciture and Sam just sees what he sees.

The show has been chipping at Sam’s insecurities ever since. Sam feared Dean chosing Amara over him in S11, choosing Mom over him in S12 as family, Cas over him as friend in 13, and Ketch over him as hunting buddy later in 13, and now his life over Sam in just this past episode. He even saw Dean kill himself to save a kid they dont know who was already dead in S13, so I understand why Sam might be confused about his place and importance in Deans life ya know?

Im sure about Sam’s place in Dean’s world. Sam IS his world. Ive seen Deans reactions every time Sam died or Dean thought he was dead... but wanna hear something sad but true? Sam never did. Sam never saw how freaked out Dean gets. How suicidal and broken he is when Sam is gone. Dean doesnt tell him. Sam knows Dean sold his soul for him, but Sam doesnt know Dean sat for like 2 or 3 days crying and talking to his corpse. Maybe if he knew, he wouldnt worry so much right?

I dont want the show to put Sam back in a place where he would voluntarily leave Dean again, but I hope they reassure Sam that he’s Dean’s who world. I think they’ve begun that, with Dean telling Sam why he wanted Sam to stay behind when he went with Ketch, and telling Sam later that he doesnt worry about what happens to himself, but he does care about what happens to his brother. And letting Sam know that he said “Yes” to Michael to save him. Maybe someday these boys will get their shit together and just enjoy getting saving the world and getting old together. 

[ilovehighhats]

Reticulum, ch. 01

I’ve been sitting on this way too long...

John Brown wasn’t always John Brown.

For instance, he was born Ricardo Sanchez. Not too daunting a name. So, when he used to be a CIA operative he worked under several aliases: Tim Perkins, Paul Schwartz, Karim Sayif.

He considered himself a patriot. That’s why after Joker’s attacks on Gotham he felt the need to do more. Being one of the dozens of unimportant agents, stationed in an unimportant country, tracking as it ultimately turned out insignificant people… That wasn’t enough. He wanted to be someone who could do things really ensuring the safety of his compatriots - both domestic and abroad.

This is how he ended in DHS. The Department of Homeland Security, still shiny and new and building up its ranks. Brown fit right in, with other idealistic hotheads and solemn gruff men.

Bane’s siege of Gotham was the event that shook him to his core again. All those unimportant people he used to trace, suddenly were way more threatening than he could ever imagine. Led by one of the goons who, back in his CIA days, seemed trivial and inferior. Who names himself Bane? Is every third-country warlord or a mercenary worth the hassle of a laborious operation prepared to infiltrate his organisation? When there are coups, civil wars, genocides and other atrocities, all around?

James used to think of those people as lesser men. He read an account once, of a woman kidnapped, abused, tortured until she didn’t even resent her abductor and it only solidified this conclusion. Animals. There were exceptions, there were reasons and explanations, but ultimately he didn’t care. Not unless they were big names with prospects of big promotion attached to their file.

Bane was one of those unimportant meagre mercenaries to him.

That is, until League of shadows, under his command,  invaded his country.

He found all the faults and flaws of his understanding of the importance of marked targets. He learned how dangerous a mass of anonymous savages could be when led by a madman. The worst part was, he encountered Bane before and thought him ridiculous and inconsequential.

He was there for his colleagues whining over a witness who apparently suffered a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome. But neither them, nor their superiors felt the need to waste their time and resources on some hired gun working in forgotten parts of the world. After all, there were coups, civil wars, genocides and other atrocities to be taken care of...   

But then the forgotten came to their home and mangled its shiny city. Gotham was in ruins. Saved in the last minute by a vigilante, no less. The animals who Brown hunted down held the entire nation hostage and the government danced to their tune, scorned and shamed by the world. Their president, a figure of contempt between the leaders, thrust down from his pedestal of the leader of a free world.

Some leader, with a foreign terrorist cell right in the middle of his lands, occupying a city, gambling with millions of lives. For months. To all those atrocities that were happening beyond blown up bridges, the country sends only one group of operatives. And they were unsuccessful, their lifeless bodies hanging for all to see, displayed as yet another mockery, right in their face.

Batman’s rescue of Gotham was a fluke. Brown promised to himself he would never let a criminal seem too unimportant to catch.

And he’d start his penance with making sure his biggest mistake was really dead and buried.

oOo

There was no body.

Brown read through all of the reports on Bane and his activities during the siege. The last day he has seen people reported him fighting the police and Batman, an old-fashioned brawl on the steps of City Hall. Stupid. Bane was not a stupid animal, he was cunning, so why did he go along with that pitiful last stand of Gotham's finest? Why did he lose control of his city? Where did he go?

There weren’t many leads in his investigation, most of them have been thoroughly followed by his predecessors who took Bane more seriously. Like Bill. Until recently no one knew that Bane was the one responsible for Bill Wilson's death, that he orchestrated the crash of the plane in Uzbekistan, he faked Pavel’s death. The mercenary must have known of Wilson's obsession with him, and he used it to his advantage, killing two birds with one stone. Now, Brown was left with boxes of information that was carefully and systematically checked.

There was one nugget of possibility left, though.

The scribe, the one who was abducted by Bane and then left in a hospital in Armenian countryside. A very unusual thing to do for any kidnapper, and especially for someone as meticulous and organised as Bane. Brown read her files over and over again, and he saw all the blunders his fellow agents did. How they let her lie blatantly to their faces. How they misplaced tapes and left him only with copies of transcripts, old and faded. How they left big unanswered holes in her testimony. How no one followed up on the facts, she did provide.

He used up his vacation days to visit the hospital and the doctor who treated her. He found the monastery.

No leads were left there.

The doctor wasn’t eager to cooperate, and Brown did not have any means of making him talk. The monastery was inhabited by monks, and they didn’t let him walk around and check the rooms he read about.

This was a wild goose chase. The only foothold he had was the scribe. So he went to talk with the woman herself.

Norway was beautiful. He fell in love with deep sky over his head, the rolling clouds and tempestuous see in harmony even though they were ever changing. It was damn expensive though, and he wondered how a scribe could afford a stated of the art house out in the country, in what looked like a very prosperous place. Granted, the cottage wasn’t very big, but it was very obviously new and packed with all amenities, and to top it off designed by someone minimalistic and practical.

In other words, it must have cost a fortune, and not a small one.

He parked his car way down and had a nice stroll first on the tarmac road, and then up some steps. Broad wooden planks were first, then the path wound down to flat stones, and the entryway was hidden between a wall of natural rock and the glass panel of the house itself. Hidden from view, secluded and cosy.

He knocked and heard a faint woman's voice reply,

“Come in!”

The door opened easily, and he tentatively peeked inside.

“Mrs Wolf?”

There was a murmur of fabric somewhere to his left, and he stepped in to get a better look. His host was in bed, weirdly raised way above the level of the house, clearly waiting for someone else than him.

Awkward.

She had a coughing fit which let Brown look around the house undisturbed. It looked like she was alone.

“Who are you?” She wheezed out eventually. “I was actually waiting for a friend to pick me up, I don't have much time before my visit to the doctors.”

“I see. My name is Brown. I'm with Homeland Security.“ He tried to be as pleasant as possible. This was his only lead.

The woman scoffed.

“Homeland,“ she practically spat. “Wouldn’t it be easier to understand if you said you’re with US Government?”

“Perhaps,” he said to placate her. He read the reports by other agencies and knew that she could be openly hostile. “I was wondering if we could have a talk. When you get better, of course.”

“Concerning what?”

“Bane.”

He observed as her face solidified into a stagnant mask. Was this trauma of the abduction, or was she hiding something else?

“Why would you want to talk with me about a dead man?”

“A missing man,” he corrected.

“Why would you want to talk with me about a missing man then?”

This was too much to be just a reflexive reaction to having her peace disturbed. She was hiding something. She knew something.

“I think you are a person he might want to contact.” The try was a gamble. It was true, and he did think that Bane could contact her, however, he left his cards too exposed if she was a seasoned liar and manipulator.

“He didn't through last ten years. I'll let you know if he changes his mind. Leave a card on the stairs please.” The dismissal was plain to see.

He wanted to try one more time to placate her. He could work the information out.

But then the door at the front of the cottage opened, glass panels sliding without effort, and in came a tall man. Like he was at home here.

“Helena,“ he greeted the host but kept his eyes firmly on Brown.

He came through the terrace. Thick scarf peeked out from a navy blue jacket, jeans were tucked in big brown boots, messenger bag hanging off one shoulder. He looked harmless enough, especially when he moved, wobbling carefully closer, the pain of every step visible in a rigid way he held himself.

But there was something off. His eyes were too sharp. Too familiar.

“We should go soon,“ he said. Nodded at Brown. “Tony Dorrance.“

“John Brown.”

Neither offered a hand to shake, but they kept observing each other.

What was it about this guy?

“You better go,” Dorrance said. His voice had an edge to it, a glimmer of certainty and command that was not meshing well with the image of a tired scholar.

The woman had another coughing fit, so Brown just nodded and left.

He would try to contact the woman again, and until then he will be mulling over that man. Who was he exactly?

oOo

Anthony Dorrance was an interesting man.

He was the person Helena Wolf talked about when she rambled on to him about her precious friend left to die in Gotham. Did she really believe what she said? Was she delusional?

Did Dorrance was such masterful manipulator he could pretend to be two people at the same time?

Brown started the work on him the usual way. Databases had the most rudimentary info; DOB, education, some jobs, some things he wrote. But it got interesting when he got to the pictures. The scars hinted at life way more interesting than the one portrayed in his files.

So he started working the man backwards.

He was in Norway for only a few weeks. Arrived with a plane from London. Both cottages were his, acquired a few years prior, so that wasn't suspicious in the least. What was, however, was how he got them. It turned out that the guy was not only a talented physicist but also a historian. Dealing with antiquities; old books and manuscripts mostly.

Suspicious.

Brown tried to trace his moves before London, and there he struck gold. The guy appeared in Azores two months after Gotham. But prior to that? A big black mysterious hole. He was in Gotham until May the previous year, but there was no movement in the months leading to the occupation of the city.

Was he there?

His name was on the list of suspected victims, struck down when he reported back to the British consulate on San Miguel.

How did he get from a besieged city to an archipelago in the middle of the Atlantic? And no less than five weeks after the occupation was thwarted? Why? Why didn’t he report to the authorities in the USA? Why wasn’t there any mentions of him crossing the border before the Azores?

Very suspicious.

Brown tracked Dorrance’s history backwards all the way down to his birth, but it didn’t yield much good.

He turned back to the Gotham episode. He turned up the photos and compared.

Did his eyes resemble Bane’s?

oOo

Much to Brown’s dismay, the forensic facial comparison was a flop.

Bane’s face was hidden by the mask the only visible parts were his eyes and two lines extending over them up to the middle of his head. Not nearly enough for any comparison.

But his gut told him he was onto something.

He decided to approach this problem differently. He had a plethora of Bane’s pictures, so he gathered all the ones of Dorrance too and tried to see if there were any similarities. He found some, but not many. The slope of his shoulders, perhaps. His pointed stare, and the colour of his eyes.

Even to himself, all of that sounded pathetic.

Once, in the middle of the night working an entirely different case, he remembered a detail. Gotham’s police commissioner had a run in with Bane, just before the siege.

Brown went to interview Gordon, which turned out to be a bizarre experience.

“So you're saying kid, that he isn't dead?”

“He is presumed dead, and I would like to make sure of it. There was no body.”

“Yeah, like with Batman.”

“Exactly. Do you remember anything that could help identify him?”

Gordon scoffed, looking over the city. He invited Brown to the roof, which seemed odd at first. Even more so when the agent noticed brand new Bat-Signal waiting in the corner, the lamp pointed upwards, ready to call in a hero.

But he was dead. Wasn’t he?

“So many people focused on his bulk… I see what you're doing here, kid. You have good instincts.” The commissioner shook his head, trying to grasp faint wisps of recollection.

“Let me walk through what happened there. I went in pursuit down to the sewers. Two guys with me. Some idiot started shooting, and I don't know what blew up, but there was a big explosion. I was overwhelmed and got a nice hit to the head. If I were younger by twenty years then maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Well, they dragged me down the tunnels and brought to Bane.”

He stopped and frowned deeply.

“He was crouching, shirtless. There was a scar running the length of his spine, a nasty, ropey thing. No marks on his chest, as far as I could see. Some burns on his shoulders, but old and faded. I didn't get a long look at him, I was pretending to be dizzy. But what I remember the most is how enormous he seemed. Raw and brutal power radiating off him. Later, when I watched him on the television, he was still formidable, but I can't shake this dread that I felt then. Because he was terrifying even when relaxed.”

This was pure gold.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.”

“You don’t think he’s dead, kid, do you?”

“I don't. There is a lead. A woman he might have wanted to contact.”

“What woman would be with a monster like that?”

“Maybe she’s a monster too.”

“Maybe.”

oOo

Armed with information from Gordon, Brown started working on Dorrance full time. He screened all of his accounts, all of his books, everything he could find on the man.

He was squeaky clean. Too clean to be genuine.

The fervour of righteousness burned in his chest, the elation propelling him forward.

His work suffered, but Brown was sure that finding Bane was imperative. Proving that Dorrance was him. That the terrorist who planned to kill millions with a bomb was alive and living peacefully, while all those families of thousands of his victims despaired.

And then he got a visit that stoked his conviction even more, that motivated him to try harder still.

He was looking at pictures of Dorrance, the scientist caught unawares shopping and walking around town. The last of the work Brown managed to squeeze while he still was in Norway.

Then someone brought a bag over his head and bound his wrist behind the chair. So fast he barely could comprehend what happened before he was panting quickly into the rough fabric scratching his nose. He couldn't see a thing but felt a presence shift beside him.

“You are investigating Bane,” the person said. It was a man, and he had some weird piece of tech that made his voice unrecognisable. Growling lowly, threateningly.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Batman,” the man said.

“Batman is dead.”

“As is Bane.”

“I have evidence that he may be alive.”

“I saw him die.”

“Did you check his body?”

“He was struck by a rocket, straight in the chest, then propelled ten feet away with a blast. He can’t be alive.”

“How are you not dead then?”

“A trick.”

“Are you the only person in the world capable of such tricks?”

There was no answer. He struggled against his bounds and found out that the knots were loosely tied. On purpose.

When he took the bag away, he was once again alone in the room.

Some of Bane’s pictures were missing.

oOo

The second visit to Norway was official. Brown showed his findings to his bosses and implored. He just needed to check. To make sure. What if it turned out that this guy was somehow connected to Bane? He didn’t tell them outright he thought Dorrance was the masked man, he had enough clarity of mind not to sabotage himself this way. But he plotted and schemed. The proof that tipped the scale was Dorrance’s scientific work.

Brown convinced his people that is was all coded messages to terrorists.

The antiquities were an obvious giveaway of laundering money too.

But before the bureaucratic machine was moved into action, he wondered whether to give Mrs Wolf one last chance at redemption.

[animereviewn]

Thoughts on Kuzu no Honkai ep1-2

Hanabi is cold, Hanabi is a realist, and Hanabi focuses on the pain and depth of her love for her brother. When a boy confesses his love for her, she responds something to the effect of, “Theres nothing more distasteful then the affections of someone you’re disinterested in.” She also displays her attitude toward unrequited love through Mugi and Moca. She roughly grabs Moca and tells her off for clinging to Mugi. In addition, she chides Mugi for not being stiff with her, and accuses him of trying to boost his ego by clinging onto those who like him. Ive seen some speculation that she responds coldly to Moca because of her “possessiveness” of Mugi. I dont think that’s it. Ive also seen some curiosity as to whether Hanabi will enter a physical relationship with Ecchan. I definitely think she wont. Hanabi adamantly denies unrequited feelings for her, and for others. Why? We can see Hanabi react very emotionally about her own unrequited feelings. She complains to Mugi that her love hurts, and she wonders at the girl with the two boyfriends who doesn’t have strong feelings for one boy (yes, she marvels at their shallowness, but she does tell them “its better to feel the pain.” Thats what she feels in her love.) Hanabi focuses on the pain she feels from unrequited love- and she wants to diminish that in others.

Then there’s Mugi. Ive seen some marvel at his apathetic-ness, which really shows in our lack of ability to immediately distinguish character traits. But I like that Mugi focuses on the pleasure of his affection. When Hanabi asks of the pain of love, Mugi responds that it isn’t all bad- that the pleasure involved makes it worth it, which makes it worse. He doesn’t harshly reject Moca’s feelings. Hanabi accuses him of relishing in her affection for his pride, and I think that there’s truth to it. Mugi wants to experience the pleasure that comes with love. Mugi also wonders at Hanabi’s frustration towards her brother. At the karaoke place, Mugi asks Hanabi why she doesn’t choose another cute boy. Of course Mugi understands the feeling of there only being one person. I think his question, more likely, stems from him not understanding why shes so openly frustrated. Mugi prefers to bear through the pain for the pleasure- he isn’t going to complain about the bad parts of love.

And thats where I think Hanabi’s and Mugi’s relationship begin to shine. Hanabi focuses on the pain, while Mugi focuses on the pleasure- both parts of unrequited love. This can be seen in bed, too. Hanabi makes the first move- she’s a girl. But when they actually climb into bed together, Mugi is more ready to take things further. He is fulfilling the pleasure he longs. Hanabi, on the other hand, is hesitant and reacts emotionally. She cries because she feels like she is betraying her love for brother, but continues because she wants to mellow her loneliness.

And lastly, they need each other because they have no feelings for each other. They can fulfill their needs without hurting the other person. I talked about Hanabi not wanting to tease the unrequited feelings of others, but it isn’t like Mugi wants to lead others on, either.

Ecchan heightens the fear of ruining a friendship through romantic feelings. In addition, she represents feelings that will never be reciprocated- Hanabi is straight (and even if shes bi, Ecchan assumes she isnt,) and Hanabi and Mugi are considered a “child” by their respective love interests. (Lol fyi I’ve watched the end of ep2 three times and I get chills every time.)

Moca so far represents the fear of creating a fake person, which I can completely relate to. In her inability to spend time with the one she loves, she fantasizes to sooth her loneliness, thus creating a fake, perfect person.

Art/Style- Hanabi’s eyes amazed and entertained me throughout episode 1. I absolutely adore the panel style. The show really made it an artistic way to represent different angles. And I also enjoyed Mugi’s crush superimposed over Hanabi. I also adore the image of Hanabi amplified when we’re seeing her from Ecchan’s perspective. And I’m impressed with how they animated Hanabi’s hair in Mugi’s hand when he kisses her.

Dialogue- I adore a show that has interesting yet realistic dialogue. No one says anything that blatantly reveals character traits; instead, theres a subtlety that you have to pay attention to.

Fanservice- Are you tired of improbable and unrealistic scenarios occurring for no other reason than panty shots? Me too! But I’m always proud of a show that can take the topic of sexuality and physical wants seriously.

<

p> Fun fact the karaoke scene is my fave. I think its a beautiful example of teens trying to vent their feelings together with friendship.

[silvorefrost]

10o character devolpment stuffs

Part 1: The Basics

(WITH MY OC ENDY WHO IS IN MY ICON)

1. What is your full name?

Edward Moreno Fisbach 2.Where and when were you born?

The end, Mincraftia on August 20th 3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

Well i originaly thought my dad was Erebus Fisbach but i found out my father is really Erebus's brother Morpheus Fisbach.

My mom is Nyx Fisbach 4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Biologicaly wise i have my brother Nether and my sis....oh...right shes....more actualy my cousin now....uh...nonno i have my sister portia! im not letting some dumb thing get in my way of calling my sister my sister =3=

then considerd theres my big sibs, dank~! owo their so cool ;;w;;

5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

um i basicly live with my boyfreind meme! its a nice medium sized house~! with a nice front yard too~!

and as for meme hes just...so wonderful. he helps me so much even when he has problems of his own....hes as sweet as the cookies he loves to eat~! 6. What is your occupation?

ummm general dragon king of the end 7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

ugh do i have to? huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh ok okok

im 6ft 2 with messy black hair and tan skin. i have amethyst color eyes and black birthmarks on my skin. i have 2 purple dragons horns, wings and a tail. i usualy have black clawed hands but sometimes those are hard to work with bleh. um im an enderdragon. um i really just kinda wear anything and my weights kinda in the....200 300 range? im pretty chubby nowadays especialy with lkhslkdhf yeah 8. To which social class do you belong?

i guess.....im rich? i think? i dunno dude im a freakin dragon 9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

mmmmmmmmmm...i care too much pfft. and uh well physical weakness right now is im pregnant pfft 10. Are you right- or left-handed?

left handed 11. What does your voice sound like?

uhhhh kinda between tenor and base i guess i dunno 12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

oh dear and i love you 13. What do you have in your pockets?

ummmm my 3ds....my wallet...uhhh....mmm my truck keys. OO! A COOKIE! 14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

umm i have a habit of saying umm alot obviously and i stutter when im nervous and ill also play with my tail when im nervous.

i also sometimes need to chew on a block of wood

Part 2: Growing Up

15. How would you describe your childhood in general?

shitty

16. What is your earliest memory?

seeing my moms eyes

17. How much schooling have you had?

LMAO 18. Did you enjoy school?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA 19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

my mom and my "dad" or shitface mcgee as everyone calls him

20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

my mom 21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

nether and i....we kinda had a rocky relationship... 22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

free

23. As a child, what were your favorite activities?

i liked looking for gems. when i could sneak away it was so fun~! 24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

reckless. courageous. caring. 25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

............

26. When and with whom was your first kiss?

................................................... 27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

dude i was just born this way

Part 3: Past Influences

29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

finaly kicking erebus ass 30. Who has had the most influence on you?

..............

31. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

beating erebus

32. What is your greatest regret?

.............(tears up) 33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

(sobbing) 34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

(more crying) 35. When was the time you were the most frightened?

.....................st op...... 36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

(sniffles) um......i ripped my pants once. 37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

(crys more) 38. What is your best memory?

(still crying) 39. What is your worst memory?

(full on bawling)

Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions-----AFTER 40 MINUTES---

40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

(wipes face) uhhh i try to be optimistic.... 41. What is your greatest fear?

being alone. 42. What are your religious views?

nothing really. 43. What are your political views?

umm dont really care all i know is that trump guy is bad news and i wanna eat him. 44. What are your views on sex?

(face turns bright purple) uHHHH I-ITS O-OK I G-GUESS LKHLKDHG 45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont like it unless someoen deserves it 46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

.......kill a child..... 47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

y-yeah! actualy i do. 48. What do you believe makes a successful life?

ummmmm i dont know haha 49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

.................... 50. Do you have any biases or prejudices?

what no that stuffs stupid.

51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

kill a child. becuase ive already done enough damage.

52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

meme and everyone else i love. if i had to give my life up for them id do it.

Part 5: Relationships With Others

53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

i try to be nice to everyone. 54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

uhhh thats meme. well and my kids of course! 55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

uh thats a tie between my mom and my big sibs and my other dad sky! my mom well pfttt is my mom and dad well hes just so smart. but my big sibs. well their just so great! their so supportive and theyve been through so much! their so caring their just always there. their just (tears up)...god their so cool.

56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

oh! ah my freinds are nonny, brynjar, miss loca, uhh dylan...jack....and alot of others! 57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

ah meme. hehe. hes so sweet and supportive and even if hes done something bad he tries his best to make up for it and he tries to learn from his mistake. hes so great. (smiles happily and closes eyes) hes my rainbow watermelon. and ill do anything to help him and keep him safe.

also his chub and eyes are just the best and they make me squeal becuase holy shit

58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

............................

59. What do you look for in a potential lover?

i dont wanna answer this.

60. How close are you to your family?

pretty close! 61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

yeah i have 5 kids! one on the way! (rests hand on stomach) about 2 and a half months along. 2 of them are all grown up. aaron and asher. um...then theres kira and nile...their.....currently missing......but um then theres haku! hes techincaly 5. he um was born unsualy so really hes actualy only like 6 months old its a really long story. and then there kiddo number 6... their names going to be dakota. i cant wait to meet them

62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

mom or my big sibs. or nether. or meme. really anyone i care about. my other dad sky, definietly. hes so spportive!

63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

nether meme and my big sibs honestly. lord have mercy on anyone who goes up against those 3 64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

alot of people i guess.

65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA erebus my uncle 66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

avoid

67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

im a king i have to 68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

not exactly cuz my anxiety acts up but i have to do it anyway 69. Do you care what others think of you?

yes and no its complicated

Part 6: Likes And Dislikes

70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

POKEMON B O I 71. What is your most treasured possession?

a purple seashell and a plushie off myself that meme made me 72. What is your favorite color?

B O I 73. What is your favorite food?

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bacon

74. What, if anything, do you like to read?

ye! i like to read all sorts of things 75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

POK E M O N 76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

i did smoke but i had to quit . and why did i do it? it helped with my anixiety 77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

watchin gyoutube 78. What makes you laugh?

funny cat videos 79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

mm racist and homophobic transphobics assholes 80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

pokemon how man times do i have to say it? that or anime 81. How do you deal with streSS?

i dont pfft 82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

No idea. 83. What are your pet peeves?

i dont know???

Part 7: Self Images And Etc.

84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

mm wake up eat watch meme play games nap wake up eat snuggle with meme play video games the sleep and disrupted i dont care

85. What is your greatest strength as a person?

hardheadnes i guess 86. What is your greatest weakness?

alot of things 87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

everything 88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

dont know

89. Are you generally organized or messy?

messy im a damn dragon cmon.

90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

good

--------------

taking care of kids, giving snuggles and cooking.

bad

-------------------------

you dont need to know pffttt

91. Do you like yourself?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAH no 92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

wut

93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

i dont know.

94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

proably living with meme and our child 95. If you could choose, how would you want to die?

drowning.

96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

ummmm the first thing i'd do is hard to explain but the second is say all my good byes. and uhh....i dont wanna say the last one.

97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

that i was nice

98. What three words best describe your personality?

loving

depressed

paranoid

99. What three words would others probably use to describe you?

...................... 100. If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character

endy plz calm it ok dude

[fitnessexpert00-blog]

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

New Post has been published on https://fitnessqia.com/must-see/fitness-isnt-a-lifestyle-anymore-sometimes-its-a-cult/

Fitness Isnt a Lifestyle Anymore. Sometimes Its a Cult

San Franciscos Fort Mason park is empty in the early morning darkness, every surface the color of a used cast-iron pan. Its pouring rain, and Ive been wandering around since just after 6, trying to find well, Im not exactly sure. All I know is that, according to a Facebook post, members of one of the strangest fitness groups in the country are supposed to be meeting here right about now. But the Google Maps screenshot I pulled from the website seems to have directed me to a parking lot. Or the front door of the high-end vegetarian restaurant Greens. Its hard to tell.

I check Facebook again.

What are you planning to do for the first Monday of 2016? Sleep in? Lazily slog on into work? No need for that. Come join us for #DonutMondays at NPSF (Gil, dont forget the donuts!). Fort Mason. 6:25AM

Just as I start thinking Ill have to find my own doughnut, a woman in her mid-twenties jogs up to me looking equally lost. Shes dressed in a gray Adidas jacket, black leggings, and a tank top that resembles caution tape. Her wet hair is stuck to her forehead as though shes just been dunked in the Pacific.

Do you know where November Project meets? she asks with a slight accent. Relieved, I tell her Im trying to find them as well. Im Stine! she says.

And then she hugs me.

What distinguishes November Project is not just the fact that its freejust as instructors arent paid, members dont paybut the degree to which it actually is a social identity. The movement extends beyond exercising to encompass rituals and customs, social expecta­tions, and repercussions for failing to participate. Thats right: If you skip a November Project workout, youre not out any cash, but the fallout is arguably more severe. Youre, well, shamed. Online. Its weird.

Spoiler: Not a lot of people miss workouts. Teixeira calls it an absolute feast for someone studying motivation for exercise.

One member compared November Project to a church. More commonly, people refer to it as a cult. Never in the pejora­tive Im-trapped-and-I-cant-escape sense, though. More like, This is the greatest-tasting Kool-Aid in the world!

Laura McCloskey leads the San Francisco tribe in a high-intensity workout. Hugs and hand-holding are not optional.Jake Stangel

While we walk, Stine, whos originally from Denmark, tells me about her obsession with November Project. Shes been a member of the Boston tribebears repeating: tribefor about four months and is visiting San Francisco for the week. Its been such a great way to meet people. Cities can be lonely, but you have this instant community, she says, using a nice-enough line that begins to sound like propaganda as I hear other members repeat it.

Two people who say it a lot are Brogan Graham and Bojan Mandaric. They are November Projects cofoundersand they totally fit their gladiatorial-sounding names: 6-foot-tall, bald, tattooed former collegiate rowers. Back in 2011, when the friends were trying to stay motivated during a Boston winter, they agreed to work out every weekday morning at 6:30, keeping track of their progress on a spreadsheet named for that first month, November.

Then, for reasons neither can quite remember, they sent out a tweet to see if anyone would join in. Two people became three, and a movement was born. When the Boston tribe reached 300 people, Graham and Mandaric got matching tattoos.

In the past few years, fitness has developed into some­thing of a social identity — at least among plugged-in, upper-middle-class, roughly millennial-age urbanites.

It was a powerful turning point for Graham. During his sophomore year at Northeastern University, he was charged with assaulting a rival college rower. Though the charge was dropped in exchange for community service, he lost his scholarship and was kicked out of school. The experience shaped Grahams views on community and inclusion. Got a bad rap? I dont care, he wrote in the movements official history. Are you at November Project to be kind, work your ass off, and start your day right? Then thats all that matters.

As Stine is telling me how much she loves November Projects instant community, we find who were looking for. Unmistakably silhouetted against the foggy morning sky, about 40 people stand in a lopsided semicircle, arms crossed, heads bowed against the wind. They could be praying.

A woman in striped leggings and a North Face trucker hat climbs onto a park bench. Good morning! says Laura McCloskey, the San Francisco tribe leader, in a stage whisper. Were going to do a workout that I just came up with! I want everyone to break into groups of four! Find your four! Try to group up with someone you dont normally pair with!

Jake Stangel

Before we start, she asks if today is anyones first time. A few people raise their hands. I, not quite ready to give up my anonymity, do not. The newbies are directed to state where they come from, how they got here, and whether theyre single. A version of this happens at every November Project meetup, one of the traditions borrowed from Graham and Mandarics original Boston tribealong with chants, stair laps, a rallying move called the bounce, and, of course, physical affection. People come looking for a sense of belonging, Mandaric says. We foster that.

The same thing goes for November Projects other tactics for promoting inclusiveness. Hashtags are essential follow November Project on Twitter and youll see a lot of #hills­forbreakfast, #sleepwhenyouredead, and #justshow­up. Members usually don highlighter-colored sportswear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear. The result is a group of people who look alike, sound alike, and hug alike.

Toward the end of our workout, a man in my squat group finally discovers that I didnt announce myself as a new member. Were going to fix this, he says with a grin. He outs me to McCloskey, who has me wave to everyone during the group photo (another ritual) and apologize for not making my presence known. Eventually, everyone becomes part of the tribe.

Jake Stangel

In Graham and Mandarics crew days, their coach had a policy: If anyone missed practice, the whole team had to do dry-land workouts. It worked because nobody wanted to let the group down. When they started November Project, they knew theyd need a similar system for keeping people accountable to the tribe.

I feel a tiny bit of thisan expectation that no one is above the groupwhen Im teased for not introducing myself. But thats nothing compared to what happens to someone who doesnt show up for a workout. For that, November Project has perfected a bizarre, more 21st-century form of establishing accountability: online shaming. This is known as We Missed You.

From November Projects website: If you decided that staying in bed was a better option than working out with your friends (who you promised that youll be there) then your face will be featured here.

Members usually don highlighter-colored sports­wear, stenciled and spray-painted with the logo #grassrootsgear.

By face, they mean embarrassing photos lifted from the shamed members Facebook profile or supplied by friends. Posts go on to explain that this person committed to attending a workoutmade a #verbal, in tribe-speakbut reneged. Screenshots of text messages and emails confirming said #verbal are posted, along with guesses as to why the absentee might have failed to show upanything from you must have gotten too drunk the night before to perhaps you were lost on a Segway tour. Its an elaborate expression of profound disappointment in the offending person, and there are hundreds of examples on the website.

Paddy OLeary, a member of the San Francisco tribe, remembers when he skipped a workout in 2013. A fellow member made him a We Missed You video; he hasnt missed a workout since. Other victims confirm the tactics effectiveness. You look like an idiot for sleeping in when everyone else is having an amazing time, says Holly Richardson, also in San Francisco. Its not worth it.

McCloskey makes no apologies for the policy. November Project is successful because it relies on word of mouth and accountability, she says. If I tell you that I will meet you at the corner of Market and Sanchez to run to November Project, come rain, snow, or dinosaurs, I will be there. In the event that someone sends one of those pathetic just cant do it texts at 5:55 am, we have the right to roast them. And roast we do.

Jake Stangel

Heres the fundamental thing about shaming: According to behavioral psychologists, its not supposed to work. Sure, it might force someone to make a change in the momentcontestants on The Biggest Loser shedding pounds before a national audience, for instancebut the effects dont always last. When your goals, attitudes, or values are shaped by external motivators, its unlikely youll stay satisfied or committed for long.

This is certainly true when it comes to working out. For decades, experts in behavior modification have tried to get people to commit to exercise. So far, nothing has worked, says Jack Raglin, a professor of kinesiology at Indiana University. It doesnt matter if youre paid to exercise, if youve paid to exercise, if you might die from lack of exercisemost people just dont stick it out.

Yet theres an undeniable element of shaming to this latest generation of exercise fads. It may have started with fitness trackers, which made people more aware of their activity levels in relation to othersreach 10,000 steps or your coworkers will know youre a slob. From there, programs began capitalizing on group pressure. In Orangetheory workouts, your calorie burn and heart rate are displayed on a screen. CrossFit posts scores as well, believing it encourages people to push harderand now its in 13,000 affiliated gyms worldwide.

But this motivation strategy, researchers like Raglin and Teixeira suggest, could be as doomed as any other. You may initially want to impress your peers or get your moneys worth, but those considerations rarely lead to true behavior change. If the standard adherence rate for exercise holds, Raglin says, half the people will stop showing up to these classes within a year.

Youd think this would apply to November Project too. After all, the threat of We Missed You is external. But there are some differences. November Project members are not paying anything to be there, the goals arent about burning the most caloriesyet people show up anyway. And many of them have been at this for years, without ever missing a single workout. Its clearly working for some people.

Jake Stangel

True motivation, Teixeira says, takes something extra, something intrinsic. If members of a group think they are gaining useful skills, feel personally valued, and perceive that they have control over their actions, they are more likely to fully commit. Teixeira believes November Project gives you a bit of all these things. And indeed, everyone I talk to seems like a lifer. But then again, I only talk to people who are there. The one real data point we have is that November Project continues to expand. A recent partnership with the North Face aims to help grow the movement.

Jennifer Hurst, an associate professor of health and exercise science at Truman State University, suggests November Project may be succeeding at pulling off a rare thing: positive shaming. It only works when the person truly cares what the shamers think, she says. The desire for social connectedness and the positive feeling some get from the environment must be worth the time, energy, and sacrifice. That explains why the rituals, cultlike as they seem, are so crucial. You dont want to disappoint people you hug, not to mention chant and bounce and dance with.

A number of years ago, Raglin and his colleagues found that married adults who enrolled in a recreational fitness program together had an average adherence rate of over 90 percent, compared to just 50 percent for those who enrolled on their own. The married pair didnt necessarily exercise together or even in the same room, Raglin says. They simply came and left together. Yet the social benefit was quite profound.

That may also help explain November Projects success. Members might not be married to each other, but theyre married to the group. And the group is what holds November Project together.

Jake Stangel

It turns out some November Project members actually are married to each other. At one of my workouts, a young couple tells me they met in the Boston tribe. The movement encourages this sort of thingleaders are expected to host mixers and speed-dating events. The phrase There will be babies appears on the blog and in promo material.

Yes, its all a bit creepy, and I dont blame passersby who look at us funny (there are many of them). And no matter how many times Im told that We Missed You is not about shaming, its about love, I wont be entirely convinced. But you cant deny the smile on these peoples faces. Nobody looks like that when theyre huffing it alone on a treadmill in their garage. I wont be heading up a November Project tribe back home in Santa Fe, but if one comes to my town, I wouldnt say no to a few hugs.

With dawn creeping over the edges of the city, we put our arms around each other and start to bounce. Yall good? someone says, in signature November Project whisper-shout. Fuck yeah! the group whispers back.

Surprising myself just a little, I say it too.

Meaghen Brown (@meaghenbrown) is a freelance journalist based in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and the former online fitness editor for Outside.

This article appears in the July 2016 issue.

Read more: http://www.wired.com/

[jesusvasser]

My Friend Malcolm “The Critic” Is Exceedingly Hard to Please

“It reminds me of the Ingmar Bergman film Autumn Sonata,” my friend Malcolm said, eyeing the 2018 Subaru Crosstrek I’d parked in his driveway. “There are deep wounds on display here, the shame and stench of inadequacy, and of course the inescapable if unspoken allusions to a gruesome degenerative disease.”

Yet again, apparently, Malcolm did not like my test car.

I’ve known him for roughly six years now, and in that entire time I can count the test cars he’s actually approved of on two or three fingers. Mind you, while Malcolm is knowledgeable about cars, he’s not an enthusiast. But it would be a mistake to write off his judgments as the groundless rantings of a dilettante. See, Malcolm is a top political and culture writer for one of the country’s best-known websites. It’s his job to hold opinions on a dizzying range of issues, and he undertakes that mission with the tenacity of a Navy SEAL.

His analyses are deeply thought out and often startlingly accurate. For instance: Malcolm correctly predicted the Boston Red Sox would blow out the Los Angeles Dodgers in last fall’s World Series. (That alone hardly makes him Nostradamus; unfortunately, I foretold the same for my team.) He rightly prophesied the outcome of the 2016 presidential election—four weeks before election day, he called his projection “a slam dunk.” Like what he says or not, Malcolm reminds me of the old EF Hutton commercial: When he talks, people listen.

That said, I listen but don’t agree with most of Malcolm’s views on cars. Maybe it’s the giddy enthusiast in me, or maybe it’s because I understand the relentless challenges involved with creating a new car amid today’s daunting engineering strictures and fickle market demands—but I always try to find at least something to like in most automobiles. For Malcolm, on the other hand, every car is guilty of first-degree murder until proven otherwise—and that’s almost never.

Malcolm’s musings sure are fun, though. I remember the afternoon I showed up at his office in a new BMW i3—a design I’ve likened in print to a painting by Picasso, or maybe it was Salvador Dalí, for its eccentric swoops and cutlines and irregular window shapes. The bodywork is so avant-garde that I find it endearing. I was curious, of course, as to Malcolm’s take.

“That thing should be terminated,” he said with a sneer.

“What do you mean? What don’t you like about it?”

“Terminate . . . with extreme prejudice.” I had to promise to pay for lunch just to get Malcolm to finally climb aboard.

Every car is guilty of murder one until proven otherwise. And they are almost never proven otherwise.

In retrospect, I should’ve expected The Critic’s response to the goofy i3. But Malcolm’s jaundiced eye is an equal-opportunity shade thrower. He also hates cars the rest of us find sublime. There was the afternoon we set out for a drive in a 2017 Porsche 911 Turbo, all black, 540 horsepower in a skintight steel catsuit. Malcolm? He just yawned. “This car feels like going on a date with Brigitte Bardot—today. I loved it 50 years ago. I still kinda liked it 30 years ago. But now? Don’t you find this design way too old and way, way too . . . familiar?”

“Did you see the new active rear spoiler? It pneumatically adjusts to—”

“If you told me someone heaved a giant Frisbee and it crash-landed into the rear end, I’d believe you.”

There was no use arguing. Malcolm had made up his mind. For Malcolm, even the low-slung Audi R8 supercar was an eyesore. “It looks like someone beat a Karmann Ghia to death with a George Foreman Grill,” he said when I showed up in a white 2017 R8 V-10.

“What the hell does that mean?” I asked, incredulous—and having just received several enthusiastic thumbs-up from nearby motorists.

“I hate the way curvy has given way to chiseled,” Malcolm said. “It’s like they squeezed all the fat out of it—all the juiciness is gone. That shape is flatter than a Justin Bieber high note.”

“How about the cockpit? You have to admit, it’s pretty sweet in there.”

Malcolm peered inside. “The last time I saw that much red leather I was shopping for my girlfriend in the holiday aisle at Trashy Lingerie.”

What can you say? The man seems to like having bad days.

Even stranger than his choices for thumbs-down ratings are the cars about which Malcolm waxes rhapsodic. One example: The moment he saw it, Malcolm went gaga over the Ferrari GTC4Lusso T, the Italian maker’s fleet-footed if uniquely proportioned four-seater. Never mind the car’s stubby-butted “shooting brake” profile; Malcolm was in lust. “Every SUV in the world should bow down in admiration of this magnificent automobile,” he said, eyes big and smile wide. “Classic long-nose/front-engine Ferrari, set relatively low but with four-wheel drive, plus room for four adults. Just brilliant. You know who would’ve loved this car?”

“Helen Keller?”

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Andy Warhol. The transcendent elevation of everyday commercial commodities and consumerist needs into the realm of fine art, foreshadowing the market systems that would shape our current propensity to . . . ” Sometimes, if you didn’t have any aspirin handy, it was best to just stand back and not try to figure out what Malcolm was saying.

Another of his faves: Toyota’s hydrogen-powered Mirai fastback sedan. Personally, while I heartily applaud the car’s pioneering fuel-cell technology, I find the Mirai’s shape bizarre, almost horrifying in a Kafkaesque way. On my worst day as an orthodontics-shackled teenager, my mouth never looked as grotesque as the Mirai’s gibbous prow. Malcolm loves the beast.

“You don’t get it, Arthur,” he told me. “The Mirai is like a piece of origami shaped to breathe the winds of the future.” (Or to ride the runoff into the storm drain, I thought.) I think Malcolm’s infatuation with the Mirai’s cutting-edge powertrain had blinded him to the car’s utter contempt for pulchritude. “Imagine,” he said, “driving more than 300 miles without a gram of greenhouse emissions. Gorgeous.”

“By that logic, you must think Thomas Edison should’ve been a male stripper.”

Malcolm stared at me. “He was quite the magnetic individual, yes.”

After all these years, I’ve learned not to take Malcolm’s views too seriously. Instead, I enjoy them for their candor and the originality of his perspective. Mostly, though, Malcolm just makes me laugh my ass off. One afternoon a horrific, bright yellow Mercedes G-wagen on what must’ve been 26-inch rims passed us.

For a moment Malcolm said nothing, then he turned to me. “Did you see who was driving that rig?”

I shook my head.

“Yuri Pulsive.”

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