#and i mean all of my middle school friends and i are legitimately queer kids

[disregardcanon]

kinda doubt i’ll ever do anything with this but i have a tentative idea for a gravity falls cis swap with the twins.

dipper is still called dipper most of the time, and mabel has a charming little old man’s name. i’m going with merlin as the placeholder. the big differences here would be

1. merlin still makes sweaters and dresses basically the same, but he incorporates a lot of space imagery into his crafts because people were mean to dipper about her birthmark when they were kids and he was like NUH UH SPACE IS GREAT! MY SISTER IS WAAAAYYY COOLER THAN YOU!

2. merlin is visibly very very gay. like he’s basically just... always known. his parents are supportive enough that when he was a kid and kept showing interest in so much “girl stuff” if he was an egg they would have let him socially transition. but merlin’s really just really visibly, flamboyantly gay. boy bands. glitter. he’s a lot more careful with his flirting and crush of the weeks than in original canon because. you know, not always safe to be as upfront about that for a gay boy as a “straight” girl, but the gnomes, mermando and gabe all still happen.

2. the teasing about dipper not actually being “manly” enough slips into much different places. merlin laments a lot of the time that his sister doesn’t want to do girly things with him, he’ll gently poke her about how tomboy is another word for “baby butch”, and a lot of “ugh, you’re hopeless. you could at LEAST let me do some makeup for you”

3. One of the first things that happens when they get to gravity falls is merlin saying “HI! I’M YOUR GAY NEPHEW!” and then grunkle stan says, “uh, i’m your gay uncle?” 

“Wait, really?” merlin asks. 

Dipper crosses her arms over her chest. “I thought dad said you were married to a woman once.” 

Stan rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’m bisexual. That clear enough for ya?” 

“CRYSTAL QUEER!” Merlin crows. Dipper groans. 

4. Okay so. There is no copyright restriction in my fanfiction ideas (plus i think that disney would actually LOVE the synergy of this) so dipper is very into percy jackson and she projected HARDCORE onto annabeth. She’s like look! there she is! A smart tough tomboy!!!! And she has a lil crush on percy so she’s like smushing her dolls together in her head. But a lot more subtly because she’s dipper and she’s embarrassed about everything. 

5. Merlin loves Sevral Timez. Dipper HATES them. While dipper does sometimes like guys, she is insistent that boy bands are a cash grab, manipulative, a way for companies to bleed girls dry while making fun of them, and pathetic. Merlin tells her to lighten up and goes to the concert with candy and grenda. Dipper reads her little mystery novels in their room. 

6. Dipper IS bi. She DOES like girls, but she’s been in denial about that already for years. She had a boyfriend in fifth grade. They hung out on the playground and held hands and junk. Merlin is still convinced that she’s bisexual and brings it up CONSTANTLY, but stopped and now only brings it up when it’s the two of them because he knows it upsets her. (he thinks that she’ll be much happier once she just accepts who she is though!) 

7. Merlin tried his best to ignore his own bullying, stay away from the guys it wasn’t safe to be around, and stick to hanging out with either the girls who were legitimately fine with him or wanted to pretend to have a gay best friend. He was caught up enough in avoiding HIS bullying that he didn’t notice DIPPER’S bullying. Dipper is a bit of a “not like other girls” type in this scenario, but that’s mainly the result of most other girls being mean to her. While SHE hasn’t accepted that she likes girls, the mean girls in class have decided that it’s gospel truth. There’s a lot about her “finally coming out” and her “finally matching” her brother. I would go into further detail but I think “the bullying was homophobic, partially due to her gender presentation and partially due to her brother, and a lot of it is centered around their first year of middle school gym and changing in company”. Dipper and Merlin both change inside a stall to prevent harassment. Not yay. 

8. Dipper’s crush on Wendy is not any smaller than in canon, but she frames it to herself as just wanting Wendy to stay single because boys suck. Merlin is very pushy about it being a crush crush and. Well. Robbie is an insecure little shit and he’s not super emotionally intelligent, but he knows that Wendy is bi and a little girl isn’t any less threatening to him than a little boy. When Robbie spills the beans about Wendy liking girls too (which is a lot of reason that he’s still threatened by dipper and still so confrontational right back at dipper who thinks that she’s just Protecting Her Friend From Shitty Boys), Dipper goes through about six and a half crises as she realizes that it would actually be. Possible. For wendy to want to date her.

9. Once she’s done freaking out about that and has to talk to wendy about it (because merlin forces her into the same situation as in canon) Wendy assures her that it’s perfectly okay that dipper has a crush on her, she knew, but that it’s just not going to happen. She DOES take one of the queer pins off of her shirt and give it to dipper as a keepsake, though. 

10. when stan finds her in the pin he’s THRILLED

“You bi too, kid?” stan asks. Dipper nods. Stan claps her on the shoulder. “Welcome to the family.” 

Dipper frowns. “Aren’t I already family?” 

“The other type of family,” stan says, winking. And that’s when it sinks in that it’s a euphemism for queer. <3

11. things are probably still going to suck when they go back to piedmont, but... both the twins are a lot more confident in themselves after this summer. after saving the world, how could they NOT be?

[heavencasteel420]

I find it really frustrating when people interpret Jonathan (particularly Season 1 Jonathan) as being an edgelord who dislikes people for no reason. As a joke, it's stale and, as a remotely serious take, it's devoid of empathy or even basic comprehension of what happens in the show. Let's think for a second about how the citizens of Hawkins (the town where Jonathan has lived his entire life, and therefore his main reference point) behave towards him, his family, and others he's shown to have positive feelings towards (such as Nancy and Will's friends):

Kids bully his younger brother for homophobic reasons;

His younger brother's friends are bullied, both verbally and physically, often for racist and ableist reasons;

The police gossip about how his mom is crazy and speculate about her sex life;

Lonnie, his abusive deadbeat father, commands more respect in the town than his hardworking, loving mother;

Nancy is the only person at school to show any concern about Will, a missing little kid;

Steve makes a snide remark about him hanging up missing posters (although he has the decency to object to Tommy's crueler remarks);

Tommy makes a sick joke--twice--about Jonathan killing Will;

Even Barb, a "nice" girl who generally disapproves of Steve's crew, doesn't go up to him with Nancy or say "hey, in addition to my concerns that you are sexually in over your head with Steve, he and her friends were really fucking mean about a literal missing child"; this doesn't mean she was cool with it, of course, but it does suggest that this type of talk isn't noteworthy to her;

Steve and his friends--however legitimate their grievances--chose to confront him about the photos in the most schoolyard-bully way possible, which may have not been so bad in that context, but (in light of their behavior at other times) does imply that they also just kind of enjoy bullying;

Multiple people just stare and don't try to help at all when he and his mom are completely imploding in front of the morgue (although I understand it's an awkward situation for a bystander);

Steve and his friends slut-shame and humiliate Nancy in the most public way possible (at least pre-internet);

Steve says that he "always figured [Jonathan] for a queer," which at best means that Steve is willing to use homophobic slurs in a fight (even if he never actually thought that and is just talking shit, and even if he's not a particularly passionate homophobe) and at worst means that this is something that is generally said of Jonathan and that he's subject to homophobic bullying (whatever his actual sexuality);

Steve compares him to his "screw-up" father, knowing this is a sore spot;

Steve calls his mom--Joyce, a hardworking single mother with an objectively hard life--a screw-up;

Steve says "it's no surprise what happened to your brother"; this is an incredibly cruel thing for him to say, and also seems like the kind of callous thing he's heard from his parents or other adults ("it's a shame about that little boy, but something like that was bound to happen in that family");

Hopper and Karen Wheeler are the only non-related adults who show any concern for Jonathan.

Why would Jonathan like the people of Hawkins as a whole? From his vantage point, they're largely callous, bigoted, and cruel. Many of the main characters experience them as such. What kind of masochistic suck-up would he have to be to like Steve as he is for most of Season 1? Maybe he's an edgelord, but he's got his reasons.

I mean, I don't know. I disliked a lot of people in middle school, and some of it was being a moody teen, but also a lot of people in my middle school were homophobic conservative religious fanatics who were regularly horrible to me, my friends, and others. I was still a moody teen in high school--moodier, even!--but I was generally fine with my classmates because they were a lot nicer and less prejudiced. My mom is a warm and sunny person, but she'll talk shit about her hometown because a lot of people were racist or sexually predatory. Sometimes people thinks badly of those around them because those around them act badly.

[boyfriem-moved]

unpopular opinion but the gay culture on this website is so strong and suffocating that it’s making bi and pan kids feel like it’s bad or wrong for them to like people of the opposite gender and it’s kinda toxic and y’all need to calm down

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

[kiki-is-writing]

the beginning and end of everything UPDATE!!!

DISCLAIMER: This is my original work. I choose to share my work here and here specifically for my comrades in the writing community. Plagiarism in any form will not be tolerated. 

HI EVERYONE! I FINISHED MY NOVEL! Whooo hoooo!!!

It’s actually sort of surreal, I started it in June of 2020 and now it’s 2021 and it’s over! Ty, Jude, Ada, Dorothy, and Madison have been living in my head since October 2019, and less than a year and a half later, they’ve been brought to life! Crazy!!

A summary in case you forgot/are seeing this and don’t know who the hell I am:

Ty Kassisieh has no direction. He’s just graduated college with a degree he doesn’t care about and no clue what to do with his life. Per his parent’s request to be more like his genius twin sister Ada, he picks up a job at a local library to save some money. There, he meets his coworker Jude, who’s stuck in a position not too far from his own, and Ty immediately sees the potential for companionship. But after speaking to him, Ty discovers Jude is everything he isn’t: he’s cold, introverted, aloof, and worst of all, humorless. Soon, Ty forgets all about his initial goal and becomes determined to crack Jude and see what makes him tick. 

Ty’s journey of self-discovery is uprooted completely as what begins as an investigation blossoms into a friendship, and then into something more. Ty is forced to confront the feelings he’s been pushing down since high school and come to terms with himself, his family, and the relationships he thought would never change. It’s only when he befriends a young library patron, Madison, that he finally begins to see the world for what it is and figures out how to pave his own path.

Here are some stats!

Word count: 65,900 (it’ll get at least 20k words longer)

Genre: Romantic comedy

POV: third person limited, present tense

Characters: Ty, Jude, Ada, Madison, Dorothy, Diane, Omar, Paul, Uncle Hubie, Ethel

Chapters: 15

Font: Times New Roman (sorry)

This was my second novel, but the first novel where I actually knew what I was doing, at least a little bit. And holy shit, I learned SO much about my writing process:

1. I cannot pants for the life of me. I have no idea what I’m doing without an outline. But sometimes, the outline doesn’t know best. I added a ton of subplots and off-the-cuff scenes halfway through that have no set up, gave up on subplots that weren’t working halfway through, it’s a disaster of a plot. BUt the important thing is that I know how to make it perfect. I know what the story needs and how to get that.

2. Why can I only write in bursts? I wrote like seven chapters, half the novel, in the month of July. There was a day where I wrote almost 5,000 words. And last night, I wrote for 6 hours straight, without eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom (because frankly, I forgot those things existed) and I cranked out a chapter and a half in a DAY. I had such a headache and was very hungry by the end, but it was SO REWARDING. 

3. I noticed while drafting is how often bits of my real life bled through. Little anecdotes, arguments, dynamics and experiences. Those who know me particularly well can probably pick out little allusions to either some of my past works, my friends, and myself.

It was 1:00 AM when I finished, and I live on the east coast of the U.S. so we’d just had a huge Nor’easter (New England for blizzard) and I went outside in the middle of the night, in my pajama pants and my uggs, and stood in my backyard and looked at the trees and processed the fact that wow, I just wrote a novel. It was cathartic and beautiful and I 110% recommend standing in snow up to your knees by yourself in the middle of the night. Very peaceful. 

As exciting as it is to be done, it’s kind of weird to be ending it. I started this novel from Ty’s first person POV, and he was just kind of another goofy, dorky character that shared my own sense of humor as well as my sense of perfectionism. But as I wrote, not only did I realize that third person worked so much better, but I started realizing how much of me and my own journey as a queer person had gone into this. It turned from a light-hearted, silly rom-com with little depth, a fun summer project to keep myself busy, to the most self expressive story I’ve ever written. I didn’t expect it to come out with much deeper meaning, it was summer and I was on a light-hearted rom-com kick, and life was carefree and silly and I wanted a book that reflected it. And then, school started, and life just descended into absolute chaos, and it was November, and it was NaNoWriMo, and I was writing my novel while watching CNN for a week straight. (But it all turned out great! New president!)

I can’t remember exactly when I started to incorporate my own struggles growing up as a queer kid, but somehow they bled through in the second half. The last scene of the book is (no spoilers) an incredible breath of fresh air for Ty. It’s something I can only wish for every queer teenager, that moment where you can finally be unapologetically and authentically queer without that nagging worry in the back of your mind. I’ve struggled over this past year with my identity, and as Ty found his place, I found mine as well. 

Seriously, writing this book was one of the best experiences I’ve had. Yes, the entire time I had a separate document open, writing down every little thing that needs to change, but I legitimately feel excited for draft 2 and continuing working on this project. I think about how much this book helped me, unconsciously creating the story that I needed to hear, and how maybe, in ten, fifteen years, some queer teenager will be wandering around a bookstore and pick up The Beginning and End of Everything. Maybe just because the cover is pretty. Maybe they like the F. Scott Fitzgerald reference in the title. Maybe they heard about it on Twitter somewhere. But they pick it up, and see themselves in Ty, or in Jude, or in Madison. I know every book that gave me that feeling, I cherish them so deeply, and all I really want is for someone to get that feeling from something I wrote. To see themselves in the pages and know they’re not alone. It’s cheesy, but it’s true, and it’s important. 

I think one of my favorite themes in the novel is the whole ‘someone’s got your back’ thing. I 100% did not mean for it to go in the way it did, but I was writing this as I was going through some Stuff, some stuff in which I realized that having someone, just one person in your corner can mean the entire world, if only for that moment. And if there’s no one in your corner when you need it, you can be in someone else’s when they need it. Frankly, I love how it plays out throughout the novel. There was always that theme of Ty and Madison sort of being there for each other, but as I found myself in the first semester of the school year building new friendships with incredible, smart, funny people (albeit most of that being online) and strengthening old bonds, it worked its way in, and it fits perfectly. It adds depth and strength to the story I couldn’t have done consciously. 

Essentially, it is still the romantic comedy I intended it to be, but it’s also a coming-of-age (except much older than the traditional coming-of-age). Watching some of my close friends and family graduating college and continuing to struggle with their identities and places in the world I think is what truly carved out this idea. Because not everyone has everything figured out as soon as they graduate, and I feel like, as a teenager, that’s something my friends and I really need to get through our heads. A lot of us expect to have everything figured out as soon as we turn 18. But, we’re 18. There’s a lot of life ahead of us, and we can’t possibly know what we’re going to do so young. So I think that was my main source of inspiration for this novel, and I’m really proud of the way that fleshed out. Of course it needs lots and lots of work, but. I like it. The way my personal life bled through and strengthened the story is incredible to reflect on. Honestly, I really, truly, cannot wait to start working on draft 2.

taglist:

@alicewestwater @august-iswriting @lottieiswriting @phiwrites @jennawritesstories @chloeswords

[stargazetheseries]

OPEN CASTING CALL FOR STARGAZE: “THE PILOT” EPISODE & TRAILER VISIT: https://stargazetheseries.com/casting-call/ FOR DETAILS OR READ BELOW: A Borken Creative Production Sept 27, 2021 STARGAZE is a queer campy sci-fi adventure short-form adventure series intended for OTT. Executive Producers: Jill Golick, Carrie Cutforth Director: Regan Latimer Writer: Carrie Cutforth Union: ACTRA TORONTO (NEW MEDIA) Shoot: The pilot will begin shooting for 5 to 6 days between October 25-Nov 17th, 2021 Location: Toronto STORYLINE: A disparate group of rookie oddballs join an elite squad commissioned to save the Queerverse (from itself) only to discover the STARGAZE program is a sham make-work initiative to keep the crew from rocking the boat by sending them out on a fool’s quest (led by two elder queer chaperones who despise each other). Think: A 2SLGBTQIA+ The Facts Of Life meets The Breakfast Club in space! *BIPOC STRONGLY ENCOURAGED TO APPLY **MUST BE 18+ TO SUBMIT EVEN IF CHARACTER IS LISTED AS YOUNGER THE STARTGAZE RECRUITS: SAF RON (she/her): Character is 20, cisgender woman, lesbian, open to all ethnicities; some physical comedy required. LEAD. Mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, Saf joins STARGAZE with high expectations. If the adults won’t save the day, she will… and finally get the credit she deserves! But can this lone wolf learn to connect with others, stop being a control freak, relax her unreasonably high expectations of others (and herself), and step into the leadership role for which she is destined? First, she’ll have to stop seeing anyone getting in her way as a mustache-twirling villain, learn to see her crewmates’ value, accept help, and open herself up vulnerably. Gets apoplectic when mad; Has a knack for creating very convoluted protest chants that no one can follow. WHIT SPRINKLES (he/him): Character is 19, cisgender man, gay, open to all ethnicities. Must be able to walk elegantly in high heels. LEAD. A social media influencer famous for his snarky and bitter ’reads,’ charismatic Whit has developed a parasocial relationship with his stans. Living life performing in the spotlight from a very young age, Whit has no idea who he really is, what his real interests are, or his beliefs outside of what his analytics tell him: “My fans are gonna love this!” Only joining STARGAZE under pressure from his stans, his inability to forge true intimate connections is exacerbated by his relationship with his mother/manager Mumsy Sprinkles, a talentless hack/narcissistic stage mother living her dreams through her kid. If Whit was a meme he would be: ‘Bitch, I dun give a fuck!’ But he does, indeed, give a fuck. ESSA T. HATCH (they/them): Character is 18, non-binary or agender, asexual, demiromantic, neurodivergent, open to all ethnicities. LEAD. Adorkable Essa is an introvert who doesn’t really ‘get’ people. The explorer among the crew with an engineering mind and a love of mapping places and spaces, they know every nook and cranny of the ship and are usually the first to forge ahead (i.e. wander off) on every expedition. Essa mostly wants to be left alone to their own devices because they actually prefer their own company (neurotypicals can be so exhausting!). This normally wouldn’t be such a problem except Essa was pressured to join STARGAZE to make friends and widen their social net out of parental concern (‘We won’t be around forever, Essa!’). Loves to knit, make Venn diagrams of relationships; speaks in emojis when emotionally drained. LEW D’SHUS (he/him): Character is 21, transgender man or transmasculine, pansexual, open to all ethnicities. LEAD. When babelicious Lew looks at you with his rapt attention and dreamy eyes, you feel like the only person in the ‘verse until his short attention span snaps away and he forgets you’re there. “Good vibes, only!” Lew will gladly give you your Tarot card reading, but not before taking the negative cards out first. With his strict ‘the universe is love, we are love,’ mantra, Lew never wants anyone to feel bad even when they are deadass wrong! His philosophy of

appeasement can cause conflict amongst the crew and his inability to take sides in crucial moments will often put them in danger. No, we cannot just hug everything out, Lew! CHRYSTRAH SNU (she/her): Character is 17 (must be 18+ to apply), cis-gender woman, identifies as ‘queer’ but just figuring it all out. LEAD. Chrystrah is a fresh-off-the-belt queer who has arrived with big expectations: ‘I’m here, I’m queer! Direct me to my spot on the rainbow carpet!’ The trauma of her homophobic upbringing has left Chrystrah without any real sense of self; her identity loosely held together like a fragile cracked egg. Any criticism, no matter how gentle, feels like an attack, causing Chrystrah to act abrasive, territorial, and defensive. She is always overcompensating in big bombastic ways because she feels so inadequate for not knowing the right words, behaviours, and codes. She is jealous of Saf (some might say obsessed) who does seem to get it all right. Fiercely loyal, Chrystrah is the first to run headlong into danger to save someone. She has a steep learning curve ahead. THE ELDER QUEER CHAPERONES: BAE TORGA (she/her): Character is late 30’s-early 40’s, cisgender woman, bisexual, bipolar, open to all ethnicities. PRINCIPAL. A war hero (or war criminal depending on who you ask), Bae sees STARGAZE as an opportunity to redeem herself in the eyes of former mentor and friend Oracle Cain. She is someone who struggles with self-loathing and self-doubt even though she’s spent her adulthood righting her past wrongs and reining in her bipolar disorder, which contributed to her past rash and reckless mistakes. Possessing a tough, gruff demeanor, Bae is outwardly sardonic but really a bleeding heart who holds back out of fear that any demonstration of affection and empathy will be seen as a commitment. ORACLE CAIN (she/her): Character is middle-aged or older, transgender woman, ambulatory wheelchair user or wheelchair user, open to all ethnicities. *Note, as this is sci-fi, younger than middle age may apply. PRINCIPAL. A founding figure of the Queerverse, Oracle has done her service, done her duty, and now she’s done. She wants a peaceful existence to guard her limited energy and manage her physical pain. Instead, she’s pulled out of retirement to command a ship full of bickering youths. She also has to contend with spoiled brat and former colleague Bae reminding her of the past that Oracle is trying hard to forget. But duty is duty and it’s not like complaining ever got her anywhere. Talking to Oracle can feel like playing a chess game where the aloof commander is always five steps ahead: you never quite know where you stand with her. ADDITIONAL CHARACTERS ELP WHIPP (they/them or xe/xem): Character is middle-aged or older, gender-fluid, open to all ethnicities. Leader of the coalition of non-profit planets (each with its own conflicting Gay Agenda) that rule the Queerverse, Elp Whipp is a career bureaucrat/bean-counter who often gets caught in the trappings of their own political web — meaning much of nothing ever gets accomplished and progress is never made. Elp will appear throughout the series in that ‘Dean of the school’ role, occasionally showing up to demand overdue reports, warn the crew that their funding is at risk, and generally throw a wrench in the works. CARDIGAN JACK (she/her): Character is 30s, cis-woman, lesbian, open to all ethnicities. Cardigan Jack is a ‘pussy-hat’ wearing neo-liberalist feminist with a pirate vibe. She is the ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ of TERFs, and Saf Ron’s nemesis. TO SUBMIT: Borken Creative is committed to diverse and inclusive casting. For every role, please submit qualified performers without regard to disability, race, age, colour, sexual orientation or gender identity, or any other basis prohibited by law, unless otherwise specifically indicated, subject to legitimate casting directives. DEADLINE: Oct 8, 2021 EMAIL: casting@stargazetheseries.com. SUBJECT LINE: Character(s) Role, Performer’s First and Last Name, pronouns. BODY OF EMAIL: Please provide contact info including phone number.

Please confirm you are 18 or over in the body of email if applying for a Stargaze recruit character. Submit headshot and resume as attachments to casting@stargazetheseries.com. Resume should be in a scannable text file format (such as .doc, .pdf, .txt). First round selects will be invited to submit either a video clip audition or zoom audition invite. Only successful candidates will be contacted.

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[queenofquiet17]

Digging Deeper Meme

Tagged by the lovely @crinkle-eyed-boo!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? Black, but I’ll use blue in a pinch.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? City, no question.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? Stealing Kim’s answer about becoming fluent in more languages. I took five years of German in grade school and graduated high school with a Foreign Language Honor Society cord, but lost most of it over the years and can only hold a very basic conversation now. I definitely regret letting it slip like that.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? I don’t put anything in my tea. I usually take my coffee with milk or cream.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? I was all over the Bailey School Kids books. The Westing Game. The Wayside School books by Louis Sachar. And then once I got to 6th grade/middle school, I started reading Mary Higgins Clark like crazy because my mom had her books around the house.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Showers by default, since I don’t have a tub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Unicorn

8. Paper or electronic books? PAPER BOOKS. I can not deal with not having the physical copy of a book in my hands. Which means that my apartment is 90% bookshelves/piles of books scattered around.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? My worn Melissa Etheridge t-shirt from the Never Enough tour is probably the most comfortable thing I own.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I used to not be thrilled with it, because there were a million Sarahs in my school (including my best friend), but now I can’t imagine being called anything else.

11. Who is a mentor to you? We’ve lost touch, but I’ve always considered my undergrad adviser/professor for most of my music classes to be a mentor of sorts. All I knew back then was that I wanted to create musically, and he really helped me sharpen my ear and listen in ways I never thought to before. He helped me find my voice and tap into my creativity. He also taught the Queer Culture class I took my very first semester, and as a baby gay landing in NYC hoping to be part of a more inclusive environment, that connection meant everything.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I don’t know if I would want that, but if it was for anything, I would want it to be for my writing.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Sometimes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? In spite of everything, yes.

15. Which element best represents you? Earth? I think?

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I’ve always been super close with my mom. Most of her side of the family, however, is a different story. It definitely smarts sometimes, because they’re very tight and there are moments when I feel like I’m missing out; I know being the liberal gay girl in a family of super conservative people probably has something to do with that. Luckily, I’ve got the best chosen family I could have asked for.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? I miss my friends, and even though I’m happy to be back home after three months of being back in my hometown because of the pandemic, I miss my mom (although we are back on our nightly phone call game).

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. My dad was a graphic designer when I was a kid, and really into drawing (he was the illustrator of a locally published children’s book called Barely a Bath for a Bear that came out when I was 1). And I have really vivid memories of coloring with him at the table, or drawing and painting with him on my plastic easel when I was about 3 or 4.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I...don’t really know? Probably ostrich meat.

20. What are you most thankful for? Right now...my friends, my health.

21. Do you like spicy food? I’m slowly gaining a tolerance for spicy food, I used to not be able to handle any of it. But the stuff I can handle, yes.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Quite a few, living in New York definitely helps. Among them, I will never be able to get over the fact that I met Megan Mullally. Also, Jill Hennessy is legitimately one of the sweetest and most down to earth people you will ever meet.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? I tried to keep a diary a bunch of times as I was growing up, but I never stuck with it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen

25. What is your star sign? Taurus, Taurus rising, Leo moon

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? More crunchy than soggy.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? That I loved wholeheartedly and I stayed true to myself.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I am always reading. I never leave the house without a book, and I will bring a backup book with me when I’m close to finishing the one I’m on. The last one I finished was a book about the making of Valley of the Dolls (the book and movie), and I’m almost finished reading You Know Me Well by Nina LaCour and David Levithan.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Listen, check in, send things that make me think of them among other things.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes

31. What are you afraid of? Heights.

32. What is your favourite scent? Coffee, old books, rose, lavender

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? 100% depends on the person.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I don’t think it would be much different from where I’m at now. But I would have a massive apartment, and I would travel 1000% more than I do now.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Pools

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Mini spree in a record store or a bookstore.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? No

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I don’t want kids, but I’m intent on doing my part in teaching my nephew (my best friend’s son) to be openhearted and accepting.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I mean, I already have 13. I was supposed to get three more back in April, but I’m now working to get that appointment rescheduled since my tattoo parlor reopened. I’m planning on a Cher tattoo on my arm, the Lucy Ricardo stick figure cartoon near my collarbone, and the Melissa Etheridge key symbol on my shoulder.

40. What can you hear now? This week’s episode of In Bed with Nick and Megan

41. Where do you feel the safest? With my friends

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My public speaking issues.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? The 1920s.

44. What is your most used emoji? Double hearts

45. Describe yourself using one word. Easygoing.

46. What do you regret the most? Biting my tongue when I should have spoken up.

47. Last movie you saw? The Broken Hearts Club

48. Last tv show you watched? Party Down.

49. Invent a word and its meaning. I know my best friend and I have invented words but for the life of me, I can’t remember them right now? Way to put me on the spot ;-)

Pretty sure everyone’s probably been tagged, but if you made it to the end of this and you want to play, go for it!

[dominicvail]

in another world, ncis:la feeds us with actual Au episodes every now and again, but our world is imperfect and we just have to imagine this stuff here, but like, if this did happen i would Require these au’s;

A Bowling Au. Everything is played with exactly the same tone as the actual show, so it’s usually laughable but Sometimes super dramatic except instead of like, a terrorist attack, a rival team bowled a strike. Sam used to be on a super militant and well respected team and hasn’t gotten over that half the time people don’t know the name of this new one. He believes bowling balls should be polished before repacking, Every time, that Deeks just shoves his in the same reusable plastic bag he’s had for 8 years Pains him. G’s back story is Identical to the show except this isn’t a spy genre anymore so ppl just think he’s like, the super above it all edge lord because of it all. 

Teacher AU. Sam teaches all kinds of advanced math, G is a gym teacher who acts really stupid all the time to stop people giving him responsibilities he doesn’t want. Despite this, he is often dragged in to cover for language classes because somebody figured out he’s a language like, genius or something. He covered a drama class one time, too, and was scarily good at it. Deeks actually Is the drama teacher, the kids all Love him. Kensi teaches all kinds of physical design classes, like, anything to do with engines, she does woodwork, things like that, she’s not As liked among the student body (i mean, the boys and gays love her, but her jokes are Weird) but she isn’t classed as one of the asshole teachers. Eric teaches IT or whatever u call computing, he’s friendly, won’t put up with crap, but like, next to nobody understands him because he’s not good at dumbing things down. Nell doesn’t teach at first, was just an administrator dealing with all the complicated things, but sometimes substitutes, she’s tiny and Scary and is not a substitute u can walk all over, the ones who tried can’t figure out How she got them to behave??? but it happened. Mr Deeks and Ms Blye are the ‘will they or won’t they’ teacher couple of the school only for deeks to accidentally let slip that his wife is better at long distance running than he is and they all work it out that they’ve been married the whole time. Mr Beale and Miss Jones become the next will they won’t they couple except it embarrasses them so much all they do is blush at each other now. Hetty is the principal/head teacher. She is rarely seen, to be feared, but always watching. 

Star Trek AU; Hetty is the captain of the ship they’re on, but the show is more about the main away team. Is the team’s reputation as bad as section 31 (the shady(tm) part of starfleet), No! Is their reputation necessarily good? No. In fact, they frequently butt heads with section 31 (we’re calling them the equivalent of the cia in the show, they can be friends but... yeah), however their results are rarely questionable and they save many, many lives. It is highly unlikely anyone will ever be promoted. Sam is a Vulcan, calm waters... except if you make him snap, Vulcans have deep running emotions. Deeks is just. The Most Obnoxious Human to him Ever. G is half betazed, it’s why he’s so good at reading people.  Eric is a member of a species that is super social but have few social graces similar to humans so is always super awkward. Kensi has a tragic backstory where she thinks the borg got her dad when she was a kid but it was a Cover Up. I would make Nell non human also, but i will be honest, i am running out of trek aliens i can make her (klingon nell is a Hilarious concept tho). Hetty is Bajoran. 

James Bond AU. Everything is the same except they all use bad english accents the whole way through the episode. 

I am a massive fan of alternate takes on soulmate au’s, i don’t like romantic soulmate au’s, but unusual takes on them are my Jam. In this one, people have soul marks from people who will have the most profound effects on them in their lives on their bodies. This doesn’t necessarily mean the effects will be good, just profound and altering. The team realise they all have marks from each other on their bodies, and are elated to find out all those marks are Positive effects. 

Though i will admit the ‘see in colour when you meet your soulmate’ one would be hilarious with legitimately Any of the partners on the show. Kensi: See’s deeks, learns what blue is. Kensi: spirals into deep denial and yells at him a lot. 

Queer Eye AU where the Fab 5 are called in when Hetty nominates her team for a makeover! Bobby redecorates the boat shed, is asked by hetty to keep what is already bulletproof, bulletproof. And to keep the trap door. And not to worry about any bloodstains and how they got there. Tan’s discovers how hard it is to style around Sam’s muscles. Tries very hard to stop Nell from mixing prints. Experiences horror at Eric’s wardrobe, Nell is shown in BG laughing. Every single man exhibits true, actual horror at the idea of JVN changing their hair and pack into Sam’s car and run away to hide in the woods. Nell and Kensi enjoy the salon appointment in their absence. Karamo manages to negotiate getting paid literally twice his previous rate by just having to try to fix these idiots’ lives and deserves every penny. Antoni trying to teach them to make fun and not disgusting food doesn’t end well. Deeks can cook but likes to Experiment and 97% of his food is awful. Sam can cook, but it’s all bland muscle building/health food. The rest of them are incompetent, set the kitchen on fire, are caught ordering chinese on the sly, ruin 5 pots and pans with burn marks. They open the new boatshed design by interrogating a criminal they just picked up on a case, he points out how fabulous the decor is as he’s led to the interrogation room. Everybody cheers. The team provided snacks in said interrogation Could be considered a torture technique, tho. 

The team go on jeopardy. I have never seen this game show and have no idea how it works, but i bet it would be funny so it is a bullet point. 

Buffy the vampire slayer au, Kensi is a vampire slayer who Happens to just be an ncis agent. She does her normal job but also tries to keep the vampire world a secret from her team mates. Callen: uh, kensi... why do you spend so much of your free time hanging around cemeteries? Kensi: uh... Bat watching???

Superhero AU but they all have really dumb powers. Sam can raise the temperature of any body of water from a lake to a puddle by ten degrees in temperature whenever he wants. G can spontaneously grow and un-grow his hair, if he gets drunk and makes it super long he has ringlets. Deeks can hover exactly one foot in the air, no higher, is designated ‘grab that off the high shelf’ guy. Kensi can sense sugar. This helps in no ways but essentially makes her a human version of one of the medical alert dogs for diabetics. Eric can make anybody around him mildly sleepy if he wants to. He never wants this. It doesn’t even send them to sleep, they just yawn more often and that makes Him yawn more. Nell can speak to cows, since she lives in the middle of Los Angeles, this is not helpful. Plus, cows mostly just talk about grass and are really very boring. Granger could create rainbows out of thin air which was obviously in perfect sync with his personality. Hetty can detach her toes at will. This is only useful in the case of uncomfortable shoes, but can be awkward if somebody routinely searches your bag and finds them in there and arrests you for being a creepy toe cutting off serial killer. 

i would watch it, s’all i’m saying.

[rosymiel]

1-100.. bitch

oh FUCK you (im jk.. i love you..)

The meaning behind my url: i love french, and so i wanted to spice up my url and have it not be sims related from the get-go (my previous url was ughplumb). at first i wanted my url to be “cherry wine” in french because my favorite song of all time is cherry wine by hozier, however the url was already taken. i settled for rosy honey, hence rosymiel

A picture of me: honestly just look at my tag “kyla has a face”! i don’t have any new selfies of myself aside from what i’ve posted.

How many tattoos i have and what they are: i only have one, and it’s right in between my shoulder blades on my back. it’s of my family’s crest, which says “miseris succurrere disco”, which basically means to help people in need.

Last time i cried and why: last night because i was watching queer eye

Piercings i have: i used to have my ears pierced, but i hated keeping track of my earrings so i just let them close up. i wish i never let them close up, and now i also want to get my nose pierced 

Favorite band: i don’t really listen to any bands, just artists!

Biggest turn offs: burping and chewing sounds. chewing sounds legitimately anger me so much, i don’t know why

Top 5 songs: Cherry Wine (Hozier), Rain On Me (Joji), IDFC (Blackbear), I Love You (Billie Eilish), The Night We Met (Lord Huron)

Tattoos I want: OHHHHH MY GOD i want so many!!!! i just honestly want my body to be covered in flower tattoos to the point that i’m just a walking garden!! i really want to get a pair of watercolor roses or lilies right under my collarbones!!

Biggest turn ons: good cologne. i don’t know why, but cologne makes me go insane, i love it so much

Age: 18 going on 19!

Ideas of a perfect date: relaxing at home and cuddling with my boyfriend while watching our favorite show

Life goal: oh god this is super deep and i’ve sat on this question for a fat minute and all i can think about is how much i want to be content with myself, so i guess that’s my goal

Piercings i want: nose and ear piercings, babie!!!

Relationship status: happily taken!

Favorite movie: oh god, probably across the universe. i’ve loved it ever since i was a kid

A fact about my life: i’ve been in choir almost all my life

Phobia: the dark. when i was a kid i used to see faces on my walls when my room was dark

Middle name: marie

Height: 5′5.5 (basically just 5′6)

Are you a virgin?: yessirree 

What’s your shoe size?: 7

What’s your sexual orientation?: i’m pretty straight, but i think i’m heteroflexible. i’d definitely get down and nasty with a girl, but i’ve never felt any romantic attraction towards females

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: no, my parents smoked cigarettes for most of my life, and my dad regularly smokes weed. the smell of weed makes my head hurt and makes me feel nauseous, so no thanks.

Someone you miss: my boyfriend. he’s been on a family trip to cuba, and he hasn’t contacted anyone (including me) in almost 10 days. i miss him so much that it genuinely hurts.

What’s one thing you regret?: not learning to love myself sooner and finding comfort in feeling depressed because it’s something familiar

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: zendaya 

Favorite ice cream?: i don’t eat a whole lot of ice cream, so i guess cookies and cream

One insecurity: my teeth. my two teeth next to my front teeth are pointed, and i used to get called a vampire when i was young. i was always bullied for it, and for most of my life i would cover my mouth with my hand whenever i laughed or smiled. a recent incident that comes to mind was sophomore year in high school in my english class. i sat next to my friend mooney (i called her by her last name because we met in gym), and one day she was talking to the guy infront of her about how pretty she thought i was, and how she thought that i could’ve been a model. the guy who sat in front of me, who’s name was tristan and was also in my choir the previous year, said that i’d be pretty with me if my teeth weren’t so fucked up. 

What my last text message says: “god this fan feels so nice”

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: :)

Have you ever painted your room?: no, but i’ve tried painting the bathroom with my mom

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: nope

Have you ever slept naked?: yeah?????????

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: i can’t dance, so absolutely not

Have you ever had a crush?: yeah??!??!?!!? ofc. i had a major crush on my current boyfriend, and he had a crush on me first before we started dating. it’s actually a really cute story

Have you ever been dumped?: yeah, twice. my last one was really brutal, but not because of how he dumped me.

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: nope

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: nope

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: nope

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: nah, i’m a goody-two-shoes

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: oh HELL yeah

Have you ever been arrested?: nope, and not planning on it!

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: nope!! 

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: not in a sexual or romantic way, no

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: nah

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?: i don’t think so??

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: i ditched my nesika (which was like homeroom, but only two days of the week rather than daily) to go to a coffee stand with a friend

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: not in a sexual or romantic way

Have you ever seen someone die?: no, and i really don’t want to :^(

Have you ever been on a plane?: yup!! i love it

Have you ever kissed a picture?: maybe…………… :’^)

Have you ever slept in until 3?: oh my GOD no. i fall asleep relatively early and wake up early, even on my days off.

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?: yeah??? lowkey this question is phrased in a weird way

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: oh my god yes, it’s so relaxing

Have you ever made a snow angel?: yup!!!!

Have you ever played dress up?: oh HELL yes i have!!!

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: okay does anyone remember doing the stock market game in freshmen year/middle school in history class? my friend and i looked up the answers online and cheated. we were rich that day in that class.

Have you ever been lonely?: i’m lonely right now

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: maybe for 10 seconds, but no

Have you ever been to a club?: nope!

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: i don’t think so, no

Have you ever touched a snake?: SDKJGBSD NO!!!!!

Have you ever ran a red light?: nope!

Have you ever been suspended from school?: nope!!!!

Have you ever had detention?: i had lunch detention for saying “stfu” to a guy who was bugging me in 5th grade. i thought i was the shit for that.

Have you ever been in a car accident?: nope!

Have you ever hated the way you look?: 100%. i’ve always had huge insecurities surrounding my body or how i look.

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: bruh i literally stole a pack of gum from a store when i was 4. i COMMITTED a crime. in my defense, i stole it for my mom to make her happy. i got yelled at

Have you ever pole danced?: nope, but i would love to! it looks like a really good workout!

Have you ever been lost?: i got lost just last week

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: nope!!! i don’t travel much

Have you ever felt like dying?: yes. i used to be suicidal

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: hell yeah babie!

Have you ever sang karaoke?: i sing karaoke on youtube almost every single day. not only that, but on the first day of practicing for my high school graduation i stopped by my choir class before it began (seniors got out earlier than everyone else), and i sang karaoke with them.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: 100%

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: NO?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: no

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: how can u kiss the rain. bruh.

Have you ever sang in the shower?: i sang in the shower earlier today

Have you ever made out in a park?: nope!

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: yep!!!!

Have you ever glued your hand to something?: i don’t think so????

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?: no, but i got my tongue stuck to one of those metal low monkey bar things.

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: no?????

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: no, but my childhood friend and i wanted to be cheerleaders in high school before i moved to a different state

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: nope

Have you ever brushed your teeth?: who are you, my mom?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?: oh my GOD yes

Have you ever played chicken?: nope!! im a pussy

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: nope!

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: not that i’m hot, but i’ve gotten many compliments from strangers

Have you ever broken a bone?: nope!

Have you ever been easily amused?: i used to be one of those kids that would laugh before they could finish a joke

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: i’ve laughed so hard that i’ve pissed myself. so yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: i mean????

Have you ever cheated on a test?: i cheated on a 2nd grade spelling test. who knew that i would end up actually being great at spelling shit

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: oh my god i have the worst memory and i’m terrible with names

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: my boyfriend :’’’’^)

Give us one thing about you that no one knows: a couple friends know, but when i’m too lazy to throw on shoes or socks to walk around the house i just pull my sweatpants legs a bit over my feet and just wrap it around my feet. it’s weird

[margridarnauds]

LGBT asks: 2, 24, 25, 30 (Also, I like this new theme, I can read it much more easily!)

Ah, thank you! My unfortunate, TEMPORARY new username aside, I’m glad it’s much more legible, since it was really bothering me as well. 

2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

It’s odd because it really IS one of those things that always been lurking in the background. Like, I very distinctly remember, when I was about 7, telling my highly conservative babysitter while we were driving someplace, “I don’t like boys. I wish I didn’t have to marry one. I wish I could marry a girl instead.” And her daughter mentioned something like “Sometimes people do” and, in hindsight, I remember a bit of a hush around it. Now, I kind of wonder how she did know, what she’d been taught about it. Because I KNOW that household was not a gay friendly environment. (I mean, they banned Harry Potter for endorsing witchcraft. And Wizards of Waverly Place.)

When I was in Middle School, the environment changed. People KNEW that you could be gay, but it was an insult. I used it as an insult and I had it used as an insult against me. I’m not PROUD of that, it’s something I feel more than a little sense of shame over, but it really was the culture of growing up in a small, conservative town in the Midwest where there’s such a HUGE pressure to conform. During that time, I really wasn’t sure where I stood, because on one hand, I wanted to fit in (at least with THAT, with everything else, I chose to stand out as much as I could because, well, why not? They’d hate me anyway.) I do remember some girls pestering me about “What are you?” and saying “I’m heterosexual” just to get them off my back (and because I got the delicious joy of watching them try to spell it.) To be honest, even when I said that, I wasn’t SURE, because it didn’t feel 100% right, but, well, it was a RESPONSE, and that’s what they needed. 

After 7th grade, I had to move out of state, because the bullying had just gotten that intense (technically speaking, the move wasn’t JUST for that reason, but my family had already decided that they would scrounge up the money to send me to private school if needed, which means there’s a parallel universe where I had to figure out I’m queer in CATHOLIC SCHOOL). And I was homeschooled for years afterwards. I was just. Too traumatized to deal with other kids, after that. To this day, I still feel a certain amount of anxiety around teenage girls. Since my social interaction really was limited to a certain extent, I don’t think I REALLY had a lot of the formative interactions that a lot of queer people have to come into their own. 

It was funny because sometime around when I was 14-15, my mom RUSHED into my room and was like “RACHELIWASGOINGTHROUGHYOUREMAILSANDJUSTKNOWTHATI’LLLOVEYOUNOMATTERWHAT” and I was just like “Mom...I still haven’t decided yet..let me sleep...” Turns out, she had, WITH MY PERMISSION, been looking through my emails for something I needed, saw that I was on GLSEN’s mailing list after participating in one of their anti-bullying campaigns (because I’ve ALWAYS been a firm advocate against bullying after what I endured), and jumped to the wrong-right conclusion, depending on how you look at it. And that was my Dramatic Coming Out-Not Coming Out. 

I experimented with labels; for AGES I ID’d as a member of the ace community and to this day I would still ride or die for them because they were SO helpful as far as stressing “You can change your mind as time goes on/There’s nothing wrong with you/etc.” To this day, tbh, I’m not sure whether I fall on the asexual spectrum. In no small part because I’ve never. Actually. Dated anyone. Or kissed. Or held hands with. I had a former best friend who was interested, but there were MULTIPLE issues with that one, so. No. Which does kind of put a damper on the old ego, but oh well. 

Around when I was around 18-19, I think it FINALLY clicked in for me that, actually, I just had no idea what sexual attraction WAS but that I definitely felt SOMETHING on occasion, and that’s when it really clicked. Watching Takarazuka shows since then’s actually been hugely helpful as far as figuring things out (look, it’s stereotypical, especially for the western fandom, but it’s true. And it’s not just the more openly suggestive scenes, but just....seeing EVERY role being played by a woman really does help open your mind as far as the possibilities.) It was around this time that I actually started developing CRUSHES which...hurt. A lot. Like, I used to make fun of all my friends who were going completely bananas in Middle School and then it came back to bite me HARD. I’ve never gone for a straight girl, thankfully, but just people who, for a variety of reasons, are utterly unattainable and who USUALLY end up in ridiculously happy relationships shortly after I realize I have a crush. 

24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

It’s odd because on one hand I don’t REALLY identify with womanhood PER SE. I like dresses, I like looking at them, particularly in a historical context, I like certain ASPECTS of femininity, but I’m not particularly interested in performing them. I’m not interested in putting on makeup or shaving every single section of my body. Growing up, I DREADED developing boobs, because I did ! Not ! Want ! Them ! (I can definitely appreciate them on someone else, but NOT ME.) The constant radfem THING they do where they plaster vaginas all over the place just kind of creeps me out, tbh. I’m not interested in IDing as a man, either, and most pronouns don’t really fit me any more (or even less) than she/her does. I’m just....ME, you know? I don’t want to be defined by one of my LEAST. FAVORITE. PARTS. OF. MY. BODY. If I was going to actually apply a label to it, I would probably say that I lean towards agender, but at the same time, I don’t really....feel like it’s NECESSARY, in a sense? So, I stick with “Woman/she/her” for simplicity’s sake. 

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I’m not interested in childbirth. That is a no-go. There is no way that I am EVER going through that process, given that I was born to my mom very late in life, I very nearly died in the process, and I grew up seeing the scars. I know that not ALL childbirth’s like that, but I won’t put myself through that. The entire thought is a little nauseating, tbh. If my partner was interested in it, then I could spring for it, because I’m actually pretty good when it comes to HANDLING kids, though I would be terrified to accidentally traumatize them. My family doesn’t necessarily have the best track record when it comes to abuse and I can’t imagine accidentally hurting a tiny person, or being involved with someone who would hurt the tiny person. 

30. Why are you proud to be lgbt+?

It’s a part of me, and it’s one that was heavily stigmatized in the past. I’m always VERY conscious of how relatively lucky I am to exist in the cultural context I exist in, because even though I push back HARD against the idea that LGBT+ people COULDN”T be happy pre-20th century, it was still...difficult given that the terminology wasn’t generally there, at least in Europe, and there was such a heavy stigma against women who didn’t produce childbirth via a “legitimate” marriage. It’s been a difficult road in some ways and an easier one in others, but it’s really fantastic to live in an age where there IS a community and you know that there are others LIKE you. 

[atlanxic]

ok so i actually have an extensive arc-v/zexal crossover university au that i’ve talked a lot about on my private twitter and on discord but i think it’s time to put it all on tumblr. i wanted to make this all one post but i actually feel like it’s too much for that? so here’s part one of..... five or so?

yuuto, shun, and ruri lived in the same apartment complex as children, theyve known each other literally forever.

in middle school, yuuto & shun both discover hardcore/punk music and spend a couple years being kind of awkward and terrible about it until high school hits and they kind of level out. ruri teases them a lot for liking that awful racket but eventually she gets into it too, mostly because her and shun are kind of inseparable for quite some time. the three of them go to the local shitty music venue just about every weekend. for the first year or so ruri insists shes going to keep them out of trouble but like i said, she gets more into the music after a while.

shun and yuuto both mosh, shun probably more frequently than yuuto. they show up to school with bruises pretty often and rumours are started that they get in fights a lot or that theyre involved in a gang. there are also rumours that theyre dating, which dont go over very well, and result in them getting in actual fist fights a couple times. they try dating for like... 3 months in grade 7, and then decide that its weird and they work better as friends.

yuuto wears his hair in a mohawk for about a year before switching to the spiky mess we know and love. towards the end of middle school, they meet kaito at a prog-rock concert, all four of them pressed against the front rails together kaito and yuuto hit it off immediately, and exchange phone numbers after the show. shun is immensely suspicious. they text a lot, and then they start hanging out, and then they start going out. shun threatens to beat kaito up, kaito is fine with it, yuuto is not. etc.

meanwhile, ruri and sayaka meet in class. it doesn't even occur to shun to be suspicious of her until he catches them making out. he yells about it, sayaka is understandably frightened. ruri tells him off for scaring her girlfriend. she stays angry at him for longer than she has before. he eventually gives in and apologizes to both of them, but in a kind of dickish way.

yuuto and kaito break up towards the beginning of 11th grade. neither of them are upset about it, they stay friends. it was mostly because kaito felt like he needed to focus more on school, now that he's getting into college prep-level courses. yuuto cries about it once, and it takes several hours to convince shun that violence would be neither appropriate nor helpful.

all four of them move to a different city for college. sayaka goes to school in the town they grew up in. her and ruri stay in touch, but after half a year they decide that the long distance thing isn't working out for them. they still hang out when ruri and shun go back for the holidays, and its fairly bittersweet.

yuuto shun & ruri dont realize that kaito is going to the same school as them until all four of them are present at a queer alliance meet & greet. shun glares at him across the room for a while before yuuto notices he's there and goes over to say hello like a decent person. yuuto and kaito immediately hit it off again. theyre both kind of "fuck you grew into yourself really well im Gay."

immm gonna say that in first year, yuuto & shun live in the dorms together. they eventually decide the res life is not for them but. apartment hunting when youre like 18 and moving out for the first time is a bit much, so dorms it is.

anyway, shun catches yuuto and kaito making out in their shared dormroom like 3 fucking days after the meet and greet. kaito's expression is one of fear and conveys that he knows full well that shun is 2 seconds from beating him up. yuuto is kinda pissed off about it. yuuto and shun have a long conversation that night about how protective shun is. they fall asleep in each other's arms.

kaito avoids them for a little while, but the next time they see him, shun makes a genuine apology. yuuto and kaito start dating again a few weeks later. ruri is surprised and delighted about it. ruri ends up dormed with rin in first year.

they get along reasonably well, but they dont get close until rin accidentally lets slip that she's gay, and then ruri is like "oh thank god, me too." the context is probably: that yuugo visits them like basically every other day, and is Really Obviously In Love with rin, and rin's affectionate with him, so ruri just kind of assumes theyre dating. and at one point is like, do you want me to go somewhere else so you guys can make out, i could hang out with my brother tonight its nbd. yuugo blushes bright red and is like aaaaa its not like that, like, exactly like he does in canon. and rin's like “lmao im gay. i mean. what.”

ruri probably ids as pan? but anyway, shes like "ohhhh cool me too.” they both kind of stare at each other while this new info sinks in, and then yuugo says something and the moment is broken.

this is still a bit before yuugo's gay crisis

[later, during yuugo's gay crisis about yuuya] [rin] yuugo you had a crush on a boy in /middle school/ [yuugo] no i didnt i had a crush on you [rin] you used to complain to me about how hot he was like every lunch break [yuugo] that doesn't mean anything? [rin] obviously it does? how are you only realizing this now

ruri discovers that rin's been wanting to go to queer alliance meetings but has been too shy about it, so she drags her along. and someone mistakes them for yuzu and selena. idk who it would be..... sawatari maybe?

sawatari is like, Flaming Gay, a legitimate twink despite iding as bi.

anyway theyre like, thats not us, youre mistaken, and sawatari, instead of fucking off, is like, "holy fuck you have to meet them, you look so much the same it's eery." sawatari drags them through the party for like 20 minutes before actually finding yuzu and selena, and he's like "look i told you."

and all four of them are kind of like "holy fuck???" they get a selfie together, its not very good because the lighting is terrible, and they spend the rest of the evening hanging out.

yuzu and selena had a class together and hit it off immediately, theyre already dating. theyre a bit surprised to learn that ruri and rin /aren't/ dating. rin blushes at the suggestion and gets raised eyebrows all around. the four of them become fast friends and start getting lunch together and studying together on a regular basis.

ruri and rin meet yuuya through them, and because yuuya is friends with Everyone, they become friends as well. which sets the stage for yuuya and yuugo meeting, and yuugo's consequent gay crisis.

shun, ruri, and yuuto as pakistani immigrants, they arrived when they were very very young but they get a lot of shit for it anyway, especially ruri, who wears a hijab.

i figure the commons would be mostly latinx/mixed. so like, yuugo, rin, and shinji are all latinx. i rlly like the concept of black crow with a bleached-orange hi-top fade and subtle freckles. yuuya, yuzu, and gongenzaka can pprrobably be white? dennis could be ethnically jewish & light-skinned. fusion dimension crew are mostly japanese, so sora, yuuri, and selena. i.. am not really sure about reiji? following the theme i guess white/japanese mixed. tsukikage is japenese & immigrated like within his memory rather than a few generations back, he's bilingual. jack is latino and white-passing.

i like the concept of shun as a veterinary student, partly because i think he'd follow his interest in birds if things hadn't gone horribly wrong and partly because i find the idea of this edgy asshole in scrubs really funny. yuuto takes social work and ends up with crow as a teacher. yuuya, dennis, sawatari, and sora are all drama majors. yuuri is in botany. reiji is a law major, as well as being on the debate team and the student council. he never fuckign sleeps. shun also joins the debate team, and they do Not get along, but since debate team is the yelling hobby anyway, thats fine. yuzu is in the music program. selena is in poli-sci. yuugo stays in engineering. i dont, know about the rest of everyone.

conceptually, this is a north-eastern reasonably liberal college town, featuring two colleges and a trade school. one college is for the arc v kids, the other one will eventually be populated with zexal kids when i get to know them. kaito starts in zexal school and transfers at the beginning of second year. everyone is in first year rn except reiji and tsukikage, who are in second year, and also are dorming together, and also are gay.

so now that thats all set up!! back to the plot!!

ruri and rin meeting yuzu and selena happens a couple weeks after ruri and sayaka break up. selena hears about it and is like, hey if you need a rebound i can hook you up with someone, and ruri is like. "i feel like itd be disrespectful to date someone else before im over sayaka, ill stay single for a while." she never actually completely gets over sayaka, but she does eventually get enough emotional distance to move on. every time she goes home for the holidays they have awkward not-quite-gay moments.

much like in sfu, sawatari is loaded and hosts house parties whenever his father is away on business trips.

once the 4 girls are hanging out on a regular basis, they all sort of get to know each other's orbital boys. like rin and ruri get introduced to yuuya and get to know sawatari better. yuuya's goal is to be friends with absolutely everyone, and they make good progress on it.

yuzu and selena get to meet yuugo. yuugo is starry-eyed at all four of them, but alas, they are all too gay for him. at one point selena slaps him in the face and he spends like the next two weeks thinking about it lmao

likewise, they all get to meet shun. shun immediately decides that he is going to protect all of them. rin finds it kind of cute, yuzu finds it kind of weird, selena is outright offended about it. they get along a lot better with yuuto, since yuuto is just, easier to get along with. he joins their lunch dates once in a while, as does yuuya.

selena and yuuri met in their high school gsa and relentlessly gossip about everyone they meet. selena introduces yuuri to the rest of the girls exactly once, it does not go well. probably kye gives them all backhanded compliments. shun hears about this from ruri later and decides that yuuri is his enemy.

the first time yuuya and yuugo meet, its because the girls have invited both of them to lunch. yuuya introduces themself with a firm handshake and a wink. yuuya flirts a bit throughout the meal, as they tend to do. yuzu tells yuugo after the fact like, "dont mind them, theyre always like that." yuugo tries not to think about it much.

the second time they meet is at one of sawatari's giant house parties. yuuya, being slightly inebriated, is even more flirtacious than usual. yuugo gets it into his head that this is some kind of challenge, and refuses to back down from yuuyas advances until theyre in a closet together and yuuyas hand is up his shirt.

the next gay he visits rin to have a gay crisis. ruri politely sees herself out so they can talk.

i want to say shun is having a similar crisis about having come very close to having a one night stand with reiji. not because it was gay but because he hates the guy.

rin is exasperated but understanding, she rubs yuugo's back and calls him a pathetic baby while he whines. by the end of their conversation, yuugo has accepted that he's bi, and additionally, that making out is Great and he should do more of it. rin is slightly worried and gives him a safe sex talk, he yells and covers his ears during the entire thing.

meanwhile, shun is like "i fucking hate that guy why was it so satisfying to bite him" and ruri is like "bro i love you but thats way tmi, please do not tell me about your sadistic hatesex kink or whatever the fuck it is youre trying to convey." yuuto, also present, is like "i cant believe you made out with that asshole, and you still have the nerve to get angry at basically anyone i kiss for no fucking reason." shun swears up and down that it will not happen again, and also says that he has already apologized several times for being possessive about both of them, please let him live it down.

(it absolutely does happen again.)

(the second time they actually do go all the way, it is the best sex of shun's life, and he's upset about it.)

[yuuto voice] you have a Problem, why cant you date someone decent and have vanilla sex like the rest of us

rin slowly develops a huge crush on ruri. when she tells yuugo about it, hes like "yeah she's really pretty i completely understand."