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#and i move sideways
junmyuhn-moved · 2 years
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growing sideways hurts in such a specific way
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yaeggravate · 1 month
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IL CAPITANO | Flowers Resplendent on the Sun-Scorched Sojourn
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hella1975 · 1 year
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noah kahan really said growing up in a small, bitter hometown is about the rage and the hatred that's been sung about many times before but it's also about love and devotion and the 'all three of us were drowning and we didn't know how to save each other but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together' of it all and knowing people so intimately yet not being able to help anyone and he's morally grey at best in a lot of his songs and objectively the bad guy in others and that's just how it is and it's about substance abuse and normalised crime and teen suicide and country roads and failed exams and leaving and being left and love and hate and love and hate and love and
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screambirdscreaming · 3 months
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I used to like saying "gender is a social construct," but I stopped saying that because people didn't tend to react well - they thought that I was saying gender wasn't real, or didn't matter, or could be safely ignored without consequences. Which has always baffled me a bit as an interpretation, honestly, because many things are social constructs - like money, school, and the police - and they certainly have profound effects on your life whether or not you believe in them. And they sure don't go away if you ignore them.
Anyway. What I've taken to saying instead is, "gender is a cultural practice." This gives more of a sense of respect for the significance gender holds to many people. And it also opens the door to another couple layers of analysis.
Gender is cultural. It is not globally or historically homogeneous. It shifts over time, develops differently in different communities, and can be influenced by cross-cultural contact. Like many, many aspects of culture, the current status of gender is dramatically influenced by colonialism. Colonial gender norms are shaped by the hierarchical structure of imperialist society, and enforced onto colonized cultures as part of the project of imperial cultural hedgemony.
Gender is practiced. What constitutes a gender includes affects and behaviors, jobs or areas of work, skillsets, clothing, collective and individual practices of gender affiliation and affirmation. Any or all of these things, in any combination, depending on the gender, the culture, and the practitioner.
Gender encompasses shared cultural archetypes. These can include specific figures - gods and goddesses, mythic or fictional characters, etc - or they can be more abstract or general. The Wise Woman, Robin Hood, the Dyke, the Working Man, the Plucky Heroine, the Effete Gay Man, etc etc. The range of archetypes does not circumscribe a given gender, that is, they're not all there is to gender. But they provide frameworks and reference points by which people relate to gender. They may be guides for ways to inhabit or practice a gender. They may be stereotypes through which the gendered behavior of others is viewed.
Gender as a framework can be changed. Because it is created collectively, by shared acknowledgement and enforcement by members of society. Various movements have made significant shifts in how gender is structured at various times and places. The impact of these shifts has been widely variable - for example, depending on what city I'm in, even within my (fairly culturally homogeneous) home country, the way I am gendered and reacted to changes dramatically. Looping back to point one, we often speak of gender in very broad terms that obscure significant variability which exists on many scales.
Gender is structured recursively. This can be seen in the archetypes mentioned above, which range from extremely general (say, the Mother) to highly specific (the PTA Soccer Mom). Even people who claim to acknowledge only two genders will have many concepts of gendered-ways-of-being within each of them, which they may view and react to VERY differently.
Gender is experienced as an external cultural force. It cannot be opted out of, any more than living in a society can be opted out of. Regardless of the internal experience of gender, the external experience is also present. Operating within the shared cultural understanding of gender, one can aim to express a certain practice of gender - to make legible to other people how it is you interface with gender. This is always somewhat of a two-way process of communication. Other people may or may not perceive what you're going for - and they may or may not respect it. They may try to bring your expressed gender into alignment with a gender they know, or they might parcel you off into your own little box.
Gender is normative. Within the structure of the "cultural mainstream," there are allowable ways to practice gender. Any gendered behavior is considered relative to these standards. What behavior is allowed, rewarded, punished, or shunned is determined relative to what is gender normative for your perceived gender. Failure to have a clearly perceivable gender is also, generally, punished. So is having a perceivable gender which is in itself not normative.
Gender is taught by a combination of narratives, punishments, and encouragements. This teaching process is directed most strongly towards children but continues throughout adulthood. Practice of normatively-gendered behaviors and alignment with 'appropriate' archetypes is affirmed, encouraged, and rewarded. Likewise 'other'- gendered behavior and affinity to archetypes is scolded, punished, or shunned. This teaching process is inherently coercive, as social acceptance/rejection is a powerful force. However it can't be likened to programming, everyone experiences and reacts to it differently. Also, this process teaches the cultural roles and practices of both (normative) genders, even as it attempts to force conformity to only one.
Gender regulates access to certain levers of social power. This one is complicated by the fact that access to levers of social power is also affected by *many* other things, most notably race, class, and citizenship. I am not going to attempt to describe this in any general terms, I'm not equipped for that. I'll give a few examples to explain what I'm talking about though. (1) In a social situation, a man is able to imply authority, which is implicitly backed by his ability to intimidate by yelling, looming, or threatening physical violence. How much authority he is perceived to have in response to this display is a function of his race and class. It is also modified by how strongly he appears to conform to a masculine ideal. Whether or not he will receive social backlash for this behavior (as a separate consideration to how effective it will be) is again a function of race/class/other forms of social standing. (2) In a social situation, a woman is able to invoke moral judgment, and attempt to modify the behavior of others by shame. The strength of her perceived moral authority depends not just on her conformity to ideal womanhood, but especially on if she can invoke certain archetypes - such as an Innocent, a Mother, or better yet a Grandmother. Whether her moral authority is considered a relevant consideration to influence the behavior of others (vs whether she will be belittled or ignored) strongly depends on her relative social standing to those she is addressing, on basis of gender/race/class/other.
[Again, these examples are *not* meant to be exhaustive, nor to pass judgment on employing any social power in any situation. Only to illustrate what "gendered access to social power" might mean. And to illustrate that types of power are not uniform and may play out according to complex factors.]
Gender is not based in physical traits, but physical traits are ascribed gendered value. Earlier, I described gender as practiced, citing almost entirely things a person can do or change. And I firmly believe this is the core of gender as it exists culturally - and not just aspirationally. After the moment when a gender is "assigned" based on infant physical characteristics, they are raised into that gender regardless of the physical traits they go on to develop (in most circumstances, and unless/until they denounce that gender.) The range of physical traits like height, facial shape, body hair, ability to put on muscle mass - is distributed so that there is complete overlap between the range of possible traits for people assigned male and people assigned female. Much is made of slight trends in things that are "more common" for one binary sex or the other, but it's statistically quite minor once you get over selection bias. However, these traits are ascribed gendered connotations, often extremely strongly so. As such, the experience of presented and perceived gender is strongly effected by physical traits. The practice of gender therefore naturally expands to include modification of physical traits. Meanwhile, the social movements to change how gender is constructed can include pushing to decrease or change the gendered association of physical traits - although this does not seem to consistently be a priority.
Gender roles are related to the hypothetical ability to bear children, but more obliquely than is often claimed. It is popular to say that the types of work considered feminine derive from things it is possible to do while pregnant or tending small children. However, research on the broader span of human history does not hold this up. It may be true of the cultures that gave immediate rise to the colonial gender roles we are familiar with - secondary to the fact that childcare was designated as women's work. (Which it does not have to be, even a nursing infant doesn't need to be with the person who feeds it 24 hours a day.) More directly, gender roles have been influenced by structures of social control aiming for reproductive control. In the direct precursors of colonial society, attempts to track paternal lineage led to extreme degrees of social control over women, which we still see reflected in normative gender today. Many struggles for women's liberation have attempted to push back these forms of social control. It is my firm opinion that any attempt to re-emphasize childbearing as a touchstone of womanhood is frankly sick. We are at a time where solidarity in struggle for gender liberation, and for reproductive rights, is crucial. We need to cast off shackles of control in both fights. Trying to tie childbearing back to womanhood hobbles both fights and demeans us all.
Gender is baked deeply enough into our culture that it is unlikely to ever go away. Many people feel strongly about the practice of gender, in one way or another, and would not want it to. However we have the power to change how gender is structured and enforced. We can push open the doors of what is allowable, and reduce the pain of social punishment and isolation. We can dismantle another of the tools of colonial hedgemony and social control. We can change the culture!
#Gender theory#I have gotten so sick of seeing posts about gender dynamics that have no robust framework of what gender IS#so here's a fucking. manifesto. apparently.#I've spent so long chewing on these thoughts that some of this feels like. it must be obvious and not worth saying.#but apparently these are not perspectives that are really out in the conversation?#Most of this derives from a lot of conversations I've had in person. With people of varying gender experiences.#A particular shoutout to the young woman I met doing collaborative fish research with an indigenous nation#(which feels rude to name without asking so I won't)#who was really excited to talk gender with me because she'd read about nonbinary identity but I was the first nb person she'd met#And her perspective on the cultural construction of gender helped put so many things together for me.#I remember she described her tribe's construction of gender as having been put through a cookie cutter of colonial sexism#And how she knew it had been a whole nuanced construction but what remained was really. Sexist. In ways that frustrated her.#And yet she understood why people held on to it because how could you stand to loose what was left?#And how she wanted to see her tribe be able to move forward and overcome sexism while maintaining their traditional practices in new ways#As a living culture is able to.#Also many other trans people of many different experiences over the years.#And a handful of people who were involved in the various feminist movements of the past century when they had teeth#Which we need to have again.#I hate how toothless gender discourse has become.#We're all just gnawing at our infighting while the overall society goes wildly to shit#I was really trying to lay out descriptive theory here without getting into My Opinions but they got in there the last few bullet points#I might make some follow up posts with some of my slightly more sideways takes#But I did want to keep this one to. Things I feel really solidly on.
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konmaao3 · 1 year
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Callum painting Rayla's neck. 🥰
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Slow motion:
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Someone also had to draw the runes on Callum's neck ... however, I guess we will only see that in fanfiction.
(but of course it was Rayla, and because she doesn't have as much practice she needed several minutes, sitting very close to him the whole time ...)
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bredforloyalty · 4 months
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the last few years have been a nice detour* but i think it's time to get back to being cringe
*: not that i wasn't cringe recently just that i need to crank it up and lose followers also
#as in become shameless and earnest as soon as possible#and i've been thinking about this recently with the release of clancy and with me going cuckoo and with me having watched an interview wher#tyler said something after being asked about negative responses (this was after the mtv movie awards i think).. what he said is he doesn't#understand how anyone could listen to a song that someone honestly wrote and say it's bad. and it hit me in that moment‚ the contrast‚#like when i come across a man who loves animals. because‚ i grew up with a man around‚ always around‚ who criticizes everything incessantly#everything. all the time. and doesn't know what it's like to love an animal and take care of it btw. he judges everything and never#makes anything. so maybe that's why i liked them so much‚ as individuals but as musicians too. and tyler as a songwriter. and let's say it.#let's say it. and the clique. and before that i liked vocaloid and etc etc i've been thinking that to me there is a real appeal to things#that many would describe as weird or unconventional or annoying.. i will find the beauty and the authenticity at the heart of it (if there#is some) and i may even cherish it.#and i like soft things too. i like disgust and fear and being shaken up by art and it's been a huge turning point to recognize all that#but god do i need a different dimensions sometimes. like let's be on a different axis let's move sideways#+ let me like something just because#that's what i mean by cringe ig! i am who i am and sometimes i find new ways to be uncool or get back to the old ways#and it's fine#kata.txt
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browzerhistory · 5 months
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jaw hurts as FUCK. if this is my wisdom teeth i'm gonna pitch a fit
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phantom-kiwi · 4 months
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doing my part in the war against songs under 3 minutes by getting into prog rock
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msburgundy · 5 months
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man my hip hurts like crazy. i am getting bone grinding when i walk and sit in certain positions
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cherrygarden · 4 months
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weon es que no entienden. nunca había estado TAN FELIZ después de un concierto
#tags in english so my mutuals can understand#but oh my god i've never been happier after a concert#bad things first:#we waited a ridiculously long amount of time and slept in the cold and the wait was bad and getting into the stadium was awful#bc the venue and the ppl scanning tickets were poorly prepared#and even though i was first on the queue i ended up on third row and lost my friend#and ppl were pushing but honestly it was only bad at the beginning#i couldn't breathe well by the third song (bc also i was wearing thermal layers bc outside it was freezing)#(it was so crowded i couldnt even move my arms least of all take layers off) (thankfully the girl next to me kept giving me water)#so i tried to get out but i couldnt even take a step sideways so i decided to stay and will myself to have fun#and not care abt people pushing me to get in front of me and just move wherever the crowd took me instead of holding my place#and i ended up a few rows behind but honestly??? BEST DECISION EVER#i couldnt see him well most of the time bc of the phones but when i did it was GLORIOUS#and the crowd was alive and all together i dont know how to explain it#not to compare but with harry the crowd was TOXIC all the way through like v individualistic#but with louis there was cohesion and companionship and idk!!! we were just all there having fun#and yeah some people were mean and ppl kept pushing and being selfish but it just felt different#and louis. oh my god#you could feel his love and his energy and his passion#when he sang silver tongues he sang ''i know nobody understands (GREAT LYRIC) me like you do''#like he said the words great lyric. i dont know if he did that in other shows but it felt like a hug honestly#like yes!!! me and you until the end!!! we made it!!!!! there's nowhere else that i would rather be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'm filled with so much love for him#and it honestly reinstated my faith in crowds#oh it was just all so lovely#im trying to think of highlights but the whole thing was amazing
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Some sort of hooded adventurer look? hmm..
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candycryptids · 6 months
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“Please treat your life like I would have.”
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“Every night, the same dream, every morning, the same emptiness… what I wouldn’t give for you to still be here.”
Vierapril Day 3: Rest/Wish
Or, rather. The lack of rest? I hope I conveyed that dream sequence of everything feeling Strange and becoming blurry/hazy the more you try to hold onto it.
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fuzziemutt · 1 month
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I wish I was like a god at cars and just able to fix that shit in my yard with ease and say yeah the shitbox 4th plug just needs a bit more elbow grease but I ain't letting this fucker die yet, yet here I am kicking its damn stationary wheel for the 50th time
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loumauve · 2 months
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psa: brushing teeth past wisdom teeth removal is kinda sucky, but for reasons one might not expect.
can barely open mouth wide enough to get the dang toothbrush in
can't feel most of my lower teeth
reaching all the way back = impossible with a jaw that refuses to open any wider
immediate exhaustion post-attempt
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rosegasly · 11 months
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abaolutely gutted for checo rn
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I actually cannot do the fucking girl thing anymore. But I can't come out. I hate it here
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