#and i was like panic attack crying and was scared i wouldn’t be able to drive home for awhile so i played quiet on repeat and sang along and

[that-was-anticlimactic]

you know, after all these years, absolutely nothing calms me down nearly as well as the song “quiet” from the matilda musical

[fingertipsmp3]

I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane

[slut4thebroken]

Exposure Therapy pt. 12

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x reader

Summary | Jon comes home to find you crying and in a moment of weakness, you make a mistake.

Warnings | Sexual content, 18+, smut, pregnancy scare, post panic attack?, angst, comfort, body worship?, deep throating, fingering, vaginal sex, breeding, disgusting fluff

Words | 4.3k

Notes | I recommend grabbing a barf bag before proceeding because the fluff in this is absolutely nauseating. (Also I’m reusing gifs now I guess😭)

Ao3 link | <3

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Part 11

The front door opened softly, then shut just as quiet, and you held your breath as you listened for his footsteps. He called your name, presumably walking around the apartment to find you. Then the handle on the bathroom door jiggled, but it wouldn’t open. 

“Don’t come in.” You croaked, even though it was locked anyway. 

“Are you crying? What happened?” He sounded significantly more worried now, which only made you feel worse. 

“Nothing, I- I’m just.. going to the bathroom.” You muttered weakly, hugging your legs tighter to your chest. 

“Please let me in, little one.” You let out a quiet sob and buried your face in your knees. After a moment, you heard the door crack open and you lifted your head as he walked in, pocketing his keys. You cursed at yourself for not remembering that these kinds of door handle locks can be turned from the outside. 

“What happened?” He kneeled next to you and brushed your hair away from your face to see you better as his other hand gently wiped the tears off your cheeks. 

“I- I threw up.” You said through a sob, feeling your chest start to tighten and your breathing start to come in short pants again. 

“That’s why you’re crying?” You knew he didn’t understand it yet. 

“Jon, I threw up.” You gave him a knowing look as you bit your trembling lip, waiting for him to figure it out. His lips parted and his eyes just barely widened, so you gave him a pained smile before looking at your knees again. 

“Do you still feel sick?” 

“Not because of that.” You muttered, mostly sure that you were nauseous from anxiety and fear now, rather than actual morning sickness. He helped you to your feet and brought you over to the sink, instructing you to just rinse your mouth out a little so you didn’t have to keep tasting it. When you finished, he led you to the bed and pulled you onto it, letting you lay over him as he wrapped his arms around your torso. 

“You can take a test, then we’ll go from there, okay?” He said softly, placing a kiss on your hair. 

“What about after that? It’s not like I can exactly just walk into a clinic now.” 

“I know a doctor who owes me a favor. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Jon.” The exhaustion was clear in your voice, especially now that you were laying down, in his arms. 

“Regardless, I’m still sorry you had to go through that alone. I won’t leave your side until we have it figured out.” 

“You don’t have to do that… I overreacted.” 

“I’d hardly call having a panic attack over a very valid fear overreacting.” He scoffed teasingly, making the corners of your lips turn up a little. 

“Still, if I would’ve just thought it through for a moment I wouldn’t have spiraled.”

“They’re called irrational fears for a reason, darling.”

“You keep doing that.” You muttered, cheeks burning. 

“Doing what?”

“Calling me new names.” 

“You like them.” He said simply, as if that explained the total switch from reluctantly calling you one name, to now using multiple, voluntarily. 

“But you don’t…” The way you said it made it sound like a question, but he didn’t answer. You did, however, hear his heart rate increase slightly. “Do you?” You asked skeptically, practically able to feel the way he probably rolled his eyes. 

“It’s tolerable.” He muttered and you lifted your head to look at him, finding the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. 

“God- you’re such a softie.” You mumbled, laying back down, biting back a grin. He scoffed in response. 

“Once you’re feeling better, we’ll see if you still think I’m a softie.” The seductive tone made your stomach flutter. 

“Sex doesn’t count. That’s pretend.” After a moment of silence, he seemed to realize you won this round because the only response you got was a huff. 

You laid there silently, listening to his heart beating and trying to feel the warmth of his chest beneath his suit. His hand moved up to lightly play with your hair and scratch your head, making your eyes flutter shut as you smiled. 

“Feels good.” You mumbled against him, eyes growing incredibly heavy all of a sudden. 

“Are you tired?” He asked quietly and you hummed in agreement. “Go to sleep, little one. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He placed another kiss on top of your head, making your heart flutter. 

“Thanks. Love you.” You mumbled, words slurring together. His hand froze and he stiffened beneath you, but it barely registered in your exhausted brain. He placed another kiss on your head, this one longer and gentler, then continued petting your hair, his heart pounding much louder in his chest now. 

Despite getting a few hours of sleep, you still felt tired and drained when you woke up, more than likely because of your extremely long and intense crying session. The second you realized that all you felt were the sheets, you opened your eyes and reached out on the bed, feeling for him. 

“Jon?” You mumbled, trying to get your eyes to adjust to the light. 

“I’m here.” You turned over and found him sitting on the bed next to you, now in sweatpants and a shirt, with some papers on his lap. 

“God- I feel like shit.” You groaned, letting your head drop into the pillow. 

“I left water for you on the nightstand. Do you want anything else?” Fuck— water sounds amazing right now. Keeping your head buried in the pillow, you blindly reached for the nightstand and moved your hand around until you met the bottle sitting there. You barely lifted your head enough to chug the drink. 

“I hate crying, I always feel so gross and tired after.” You grumbled, setting the bottle back on the nightstand. 

“You seem to be in a better mood despite that.” He noted. You laid back down on the pillow and placed a hand on his bicep, wanting to touch him, but still trying to let him work. 

“I trust you and I know you’re going to help me figure it out.” You let your eyes fall shut, listening to his pen gliding across the paper. 

“Are you okay with a normal test? Or would you prefer to get tested at the doctor's office.” 

“Um…” You bit your lip, feeling embarrassed about your answer. False negatives on drugstore tests are not uncommon. Plus you just trust an ‘official’ test more. He seemed to pick up on what you were thinking though. 

“I’ll take you.” 

“Thanks.” Your heart suddenly dropped when you got hit with deja vu. “Thanks. Love you.” Oh fuck. 

Oh fuck. 

Clearing your throat, you tried to organize your thoughts and not panic. Maybe he didn’t hear it? He doesn’t seem upset so maybe he did hear it but he doesn’t care? Because he didn’t say it back… Is that why he’s not laying with you anymore and laying beside you instead?

He shushed you softly and placed his hand over yours on his arm. 

“I didn’t say anything…” 

“Not aloud, no.” Sometimes it’s a little unnerving how easily he can read you. Should you apologize? Take it back? He would’ve said it back by now if he felt the same way though… You tried not to tear up at the thought, but it made your chest ache and you couldn’t help it. 

“I- I didn’t mean… I said that by accident. I didn’t mean to.” You said weakly. The pen on the paper suddenly stopped and you held your breath, waiting to be yelled at or left alone. 

“You didn’t mean to say it or you didn’t mean it?” He asked quietly. You bit your lip and angled your face more toward the pillow because you could practically feel his eyes on your head. 

“Um…” You did mean it. And you’re pretty sure he knows that. This felt like one of those moments that would change the way everything goes from here. If you tell him the truth, he either feels the same way, or he doesn’t. If you lie, he’ll either be relieved or disappointed. You’re not sure which option is more worth the risk. 

“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it.” What the fuck does that mean?

“Did you want me to mean it?” He just paused, then sighed quietly at your response. He was silent for so long that you could practically hear your heart breaking. “Let’s just- forget about it. Pretend it never happened… I’m sorry for saying it in the first place, I shouldn’t have.” Taking in a shaky breath, you realized that your eyes were completely blurry with tears that were on the verge of falling any second now. You quickly sat up and started moving toward the edge of the bed to get up and go to the bathroom, but he stopped you with a hand on your wrist. 

“Where are you going?” 

“…The bathroom?” Your voice trembled embarrassingly, making you feel worse about all of this. When you tried pulling away, his grip tightened, but not enough to actually hurt you. 

“Yes.” He said, voice strained. 

“What?” 

“I… I want you to have meant it.”  

“You don’t have to say that just to make me feel better,”

“I’m not.” He said firmly, cutting you off. “I- I… feel the same.” You turned back around and he looked down once he met your gaze. You’ve never heard him stumble over his words like this. 

“Are you fucking with me?” Your tone was harsher now, a warning. If he was lying or making fun of you… you’re not afraid to go find your wristband with his toxin and use it on him. 

“Do you really think I would do that?” He scoffed in what might’ve been amusement.

“Answer me.”

“No, I’m not.” He sighed. “I just— Don’t expect me to be able to say it. I haven’t since I was a child.” The thought made you frown. He probably didn’t say it to his family as a child based on what he told you, but he’s never had anyone in his adult life that he felt that way about?

“You’ve never had any girlfriends or anything?” You asked, trying to get rid of your frown so he didn’t take it the wrong way. 

“Believe it or not, I wasn’t very popular with women. I’m still not.” Even though part of you can believe that, another part is just completely surprised that he hasn’t had one girlfriend. 

“How?? You’re smart and kinky and funny and kind and pretty and you have fluffy hair. How has no one been interested?” His cheeks turned pink and he looked away from you again. 

“Most people don’t agree with my… line of work.” 

“I see… Well that’s their loss.” You shrugged, making the corners of his lips turn up. 

“You think I’m pretty?” He suddenly asked, making you smile. 

“I think you’re very pretty.” You crawled toward him and moved the papers away so you could sit on his lap, his hands lightly holding your hips. “Your lips are so pink and soft,” You said quietly, cupping his cheek and trailing your thumb over them, “and I don’t even know how it’s possible to have bone structure like this.” You softly trailed your fingers over his cheekbones, staring at them in awe and feeling how warm his cheeks were getting. “And you have freckles. They’re really faint, but I like them a lot.” You brushed your fingers across his nose and cheeks, following the path of freckles. 

“Your eyes are pretty too.” You gently removed his glasses and set them on top of the papers. “Mesmerizing.” You muttered, absentmindedly, as your gaze shifted between his eyes. He looked away from you, snapping you out of the trance you were in. 

“Why do you think I had such a big crush on you after we first met?” You chuckled, making him look at you again. 

“You did?”

“Yes, you dork. Honestly, it was a little embarrassing. You made me so nervous.” Now it was your turn to blush a little. 

“I thought you were just nervous because of the.. usual topic of our discussions.” 

“It was a bit of both.” There was a lull in the conversation, so you decided to change the subject. “You know what else I think is pretty?” He didn’t give you a verbal response, trying to seem nonchalant about it. Placing your hands on his chest, you snaked them down his stomach to his pants, teasing the waistband. “Your cock.” You smirked, carefully studying his reaction. Which was worth it because for half a second, he was flustered and surprised before he schooled his face into a more neutral expression. 

“How on earth can that be pretty?” He scoffed, cheeks glowing red now. 

“You tell me, doctor.” You said teasingly. His hands started dragging down your thighs, then back up to your hips. “How about I compliment it properly, hm?” You moved down to sit over his thighs and grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants, waiting for him to stop you, but he never did. So you kept going, only pulling them down to his mid thigh. 

It didn’t take long for you to stroke him to full hardness as you laid on your stomach between his legs. When you kissed the tip of his cock and licked up the bead of precum, he let out a shaky breath and placed a gentle hand on the back of your head. 

“You get so pink,” you said quietly, mouthing at the head of his cock, “and there’s this vein down here,” you licked a long stripe up the bottom of his cock, over the vein, “it’s so fucking hot.” You whispered. Glancing up at him, you noticed that his cheeks were even more red now as he stared down at you in almost awe. 

Wanting to tease him, you kissed down his cock until you reached his balls and started licking and kissing them gently. Your hand was still holding his cock, but it was unmoving. When his hips bucked, you couldn’t help but smirk against him. 

“Be patient, Jon.” You reprimanded softly. 

“Stop being a tease.” He said through a breath, making you pull away with a pout. 

“Jonny, please just let me take my time. Haven’t had you in my mouth in so long.” You whined, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes. He cursed under his breath and let his head fall back until it hit the headboard quietly. 

“Stop calling me that.” The weak demand was the only protest you got, so you leaned back down to continue. 

“But I like calling you Jonny. Makes your face so red.” You giggled quietly, barely pulling away to speak. As you mouthed at his balls, he threaded his fingers through your hair and lightly grabbed it, not moving you at all though. 

“Red from annoyance maybe.” He grumbled, making you smile. When you sucked one of his balls in your mouth, his breath caught in his throat and his grip tightened just the slightest amount. You released his cock, letting it rest on his stomach, and he huffed as the barest amount of stimulation went to no stimulation. You pulled off with a wet pop and looked up at him through your lashes. 

“Are you sure, Jonny?” You asked innocently, but your grin turned outright devious when his cock twitched on his stomach. He rolled his eyes with a scoff. 

“That means nothing.” He muttered, gently pushing your head back down. You decided to give him a break from the teasing and focus on the task at hand. Sucking the other one in your mouth, you picked up his cock and stroked slowly, forcing a shaky breath out of him as he ran his fingers through your hair, letting you have full control. If he keeps acting like this, you’re going to get on a total power trip— especially after the last time you had sex. Maybe not a dominant power trip, but a power trip nonetheless. 

You continued licking and kissing and sucking, all while slowly stroking him and savoring his soft sounds. After another moment, you decided to kiss back up his cock until you reached the tip. When you licked the bead of precum, he cursed under his breath and you smiled to yourself, licking the head of his cock again just to tease him. 

“C’mon.” He urged quietly, not yet forcing you though. When you held the base of his cock and mouthed at the tip, he all but whined as he squirmed under you. “Please, little one.” You barely heard it, but you knew you didn’t hallucinate it. 

“You’re being so patient, Jonny.” You said proudly, making his cock jump in your hand. “I promise I’ll start soon, I just wanna enjoy this first.” He let out a quiet sigh when you continued licking and sucking on the tip, never going any lower. 

“Baby, please.” He whined, making you moan around him. Something about that pet name is just different than the others and you couldn’t help but give in. 

“Okay, Jonny.” You gave him a small smile before leaning back down and wrapping your lips around him, immediately taking him half way. Your hand stayed at the base as you bobbed up and down. 

“Fuck… Good girl.” He said through a breath. His fingers threaded through your hair again, but he didn’t take control yet. When your hand slipped down to cup his balls and you took him deeper in your mouth, he let out a choked moan as his hips flinched up, making you gag. He didn’t verbally apologize, he just brought his other hand up to gently pet your head as you continued. 

You took him deeper and deeper each time until his cock was hitting the back of your mouth. When you reached up and put your hand on top of the one he had in your hair, pushing down on it, he cursed under his breath, but complied eagerly. His cock breached your throat barrier and you choked as he let out a low groan. 

“So fucking good.” He groaned and if you were able to make any sounds, you would’ve whined at the praise. He pulled you off and let you catch your breath. While you panted, you stroked his cock, looking up at him and he cursed under his breath at the sight of you, then moved you back onto his cock. 

He fucked your throat slowly, but pushed you all the way down everytime, making you gag as saliva and tears started building up. When he pushed you down and held you there, you tried to control your gag reflex so you could stay like this, but you weren’t successful. You couldn’t pull off so you placed your hands on his thighs and tried harder, but he just grabbed your hand in his free one and held it, letting you squeeze to ground yourself. 

He removed the pressure and you shot up with a gasp, trying to calm down quickly so you could keep going. His thumb was rubbing back and forth on your hand, soothing you while simultaneously making your stomach flutter. 

“Come up here, little one.” He said softly, making you frown. 

“But ‘m not done.” You pouted, making the corners of his lips turn up into a small smile. 

“I know, darling, but I don’t want to come in your mouth.” His tone was far too sweet for the words that left his mouth. You glanced at his cock with a blush, then looked back up at him and nodded. 

“Okay.” You got up on your knees and started pushing his shirt up, making him stiffen a little. When you reached his chest, you told him to take it off and he obeyed. Instead of settling on his lap, you stayed between his legs and snaked your hands back down his torso. The scars littering his body made you frown, especially now that you knew where most of them were from. When you leaned down to kiss one, his body went completely stiff under you, making you pause. 

“What are you doing?” His tone was guarded and a little harsh, and you faltered. 

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t have to.” You said quietly, pulling away more to look up at him. He stared down at you with apprehension, looking like he was having an internal battle in his mind about what he wanted. Even after he relaxed a little, you still waited, only moving when he gave you a small nod. 

You just barely pressed your lips to the raised skin, still worried you were making him uncomfortable. When he didn’t go stiff or push you away, you continued. You kissed most of the scars on his stomach, going up to his chest. You reached the highest one, just below his collar bone, and finally straddled his legs. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you leaned down to kiss him and his hands settled on your hips. 

One of his hands snaked over your stomach and down until he reached your underwear. He slipped his hand inside and cursed under his breath at your obvious arousal. When he started rubbing slow circles on your clit, you whined into the kiss and squirmed on his lap. 

“Fuck me.” You whispered, making his grip tighten on your hip. 

“You’re not ready yet.” He replied, just as quietly, then started trailing kisses over your jaw and down to your neck to darken the fading bruises. 

“Please, Jonny… s’too empty.” You whimpered, grinding against his hand. 

“Soon, little one.” You huffed and he bit down on your skin, making you wince, but grind harder against him. He slipped your shirt over your head, then leaned forward, taking your nipple in his mouth and sucking gently. 

“Please— ‘m ready…” You whined. All he did was switch to the other nipple to give it the same treatment. When he finally pulled back and removed his hand, you threaded your fingers through his hair, pulling lightly. He suddenly grabbed your panties with both hands and ripped them clean off your body, making you gasp out a moan. 

“I liked those…” You whined, pouting. 

“I’ll buy you more.” He didn’t actually roll his eyes, but his tone made it seem like he was about to. When he lined his cock up with your entrance, your breath caught in your throat and you waited anxiously. “Relax.” He whispered, pulling you down to kiss you again. Your body obeyed and as soon as he felt your muscles loosen up, he pulled you down onto him, making you both moan into the kiss. It was still a little tight, and there was a faint burning sensation, but it satisfied every part of you that was needing to feel full. 

He started pulling your hips forward and back, rocking you against him slowly until you picked up the pace on your own. When he pulled away from the kiss, you whined, but he ignored you and just brushed your hair out of your face, then cupped your cheek. 

“Say it again.” He said through a breath, making you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“What?” 

“Say it. Please.” His eyes bored into yours with an almost desperate look that you weren’t used to, that’s when it finally clicked. You stared down at him, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of his cock inside you and focus on getting the words out, but it was hard. Even though you’re the more vulnerable one in this relationship, you’re still not used to it. 

“I—” You choked out, unable to finish. 

“Please, little one.” He whispered, squeezing your hip a little harder. So you took a deep breath and tried again. 

“I love you,” The words were still foreign on your tongue. He let out a shaky breath and pulled you back down into a kiss, making you moan at the suddenness. 

“Again.” He mumbled against your lips. 

“I love you.” Your movements were growing more eager and he moved his hand down to rub your clit, bringing you closer to the edge. “I love you, Jon.” He had to separate from the kiss as he panted, but he kept his forehead pressed to yours. 

“I—” He started, making your heart skip a beat. But his breathing quickly grew more labored and you could tell it was out of anxiety rather than arousal. 

“I know. You don’t have to say it yet.” You whispered, even though your entire being was craving the opposite. He didn’t seem convinced that that was enough, so you added, “I love you too.” 

Too. 

Because he loves you. 

He loves you and you love him too. 

Your orgasm hit you suddenly and you moaned and whined as you writhed in his lap. His eyes fluttered shut and his grip got even tighter on your hip as his release crashed over him. Through the almost intense orgasm, you could feel hot come painting your walls, adding to your already overwhelming pleasure. When it finally passed and you were both panting, he pushed your hair that had fallen forward out of your face and cupped your cheek again, running his thumb over your bottom lip. 

“Do you really mean it?” He asked quietly, looking up at you nervously. You moved your hands from his hair to the sides of his head and held him there gently, not letting him look away. 

“Yes. More than anything.” You whispered, watching his eyes flutter as he swallowed thickly. “Do you really mean it?” 

“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate this time. 

Part 13

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[holly-the-trash-writer]

Guilt II

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer has to face up to what he has done. Will you be around to hear his apologies?

Part 1

Word Count: 2,866

(just realised pt1 and pt2 have the same word count tf?!)

A/n: Holy sh**!!!! I cannot believe how much this fic blew up! I am so so glad for all of your lovely comments so here is the long anticipated part 2. I hope you all enjoy it and I love every single one of you!!!

Spencer's leg bounced rhythmically as he sat in the waiting room with the others. Hunched over, fidgeting with his hands and trying his best to keep his breaths even to stave off another panic attack. His head was bowed so he didn’t have to look at anyone, too ashamed to take his eyes off the floor. 

You had crashed only a little while ago but it felt like an eternity to Spencer. 

The rest of the team was scattered around the room. 

J.J was sitting next to Emily, crying silent tears that she refused to wipe away. 

Emily was keeping her eye on Spencer just in case he snapped again and she had to step in. 

Morgan was standing by the window with Penelope in his arms, swaying gently from side to side.  

Penelope's makeup was a mess from crying and Morgan had a large bruise forming on his cheekbone. 

Hotch and Rossi were standing near the doorway in quiet conversation. 

This is when a sudden realisation had Spencer gasping as he reached into his pocket for his phone. 

“Reid?” Emily kept her voice soft. “You okay?” 

Spencer sniffled as he tapped on his phone, “I haven’t contacted her family. How did I not think of this before?” 

Emily sat forward and placed her hand on his knee, “Reid, it’s okay. J.J already called them, they know what’s going on and are trying to get here as soon as they can.” 

Spencer ran his fingers through his hair, “How did I forget that? How could I forget to tell them their daughter is in hospital?!” 

J.J could see the agitation quickly returning and shook her head, “Spence, you’re under tremendous stress right now. No one is going to be mad at you.” 

He scoffed but before he could retort a doctor walked in from around the corner. 

“Family of Y/n Y/L/n?” 

Spencer shot to his feet as the doctor walked in, “Is she okay?” He asked desperately as the rest of the team held their breath. 

“She’s stable.” 

The entire room let out the involuntary breath they were holding. 

Spencer felt a great weight lift off his chest, “What happened?” 

“Y/n had a cardiac arrest as a result of the stress the surgery must have put on the heart. We’ve put her on blood thinners and we will be monitoring her very closely.” 

“Can I see her?” 

The doctor nodded, “Of course.” Before she led him out of the waiting area and down the corridor to your room. 

When Spencer walked in he almost couldn’t believe it.  

You looked exactly the same. 

How could that be possible? 

You were lying in the same position. Your hair was a little out of place but apart from that you wouldn’t be able to tell that your heart had stopped and the doctors had to shock you just a little while ago. 

The chairs had been pushed out of the way for the doctors to get to you, so Spencer had to drag one back over to your bedside and sat down heavily. He took a deep breath and took your hand again. 

“You scared me. Y/n, you really scared me. I am so angry at how scared you made me too. Which doesn’t make sense does it? How can I be angry at you when you’re the one who almost- almost-.” His voice broke so he swallowed to try and get back under control again. 

A knock on the door made him turn around. 

Rossi was standing in the doorway with a bottle of water and a sandwich. 

“Thought you could use this.” He walked into the room and stopped by one of the chairs, “Mind if I join you?” 

Spencer shook his head so Rossi pulled up a chair beside Spencer before handing out the items to him. 

Spencer laid eyes on the sandwich in Rossi’s hand and his stomach churned in hunger, “Thank you.” He took the items from Rossi and took a sip from the water. 

Rossi never spoke, he only sat as a silent companion while Spencer devoured the sandwich and water.  

It wasn’t until after Spencer finished and threw the rubbish in the bin Rossi spoke up, “You want to talk about it?” 

Spencer leaned back in his chair, “How’s Morgan?” 

Rossi folded his hands in his lap, “He isn’t angry with you if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Spencer let out a deprecating laugh, “I punched him in the face.” 

Rossi gave him a stern look, “We all understand what grief can do to someone.” 

“He’s my best friend.” 

“Which is why he isn’t angry.” 

Spencer sighs as he stares back to you, “You know, I felt like there was two types of people in the world. Those that get over their grief and move on and then those who descend into an endless misery.” He turned to look at Rossi, “I always thought I was the first one.” 

“Until now?” 

He nodded. 

“She’s not gone kid. Y/n’s a fighter.” 

Spencer smiled sadly, “I know but look at me. What would I be like if she was?” 

Rossi leant forward and placed his hand on Spencer’s knee, “She’s not and that’s what you need to focus on.” 

6 Days. 

17 hours. 

21 minutes. 

20 seconds. 21. 22. 23. 

Spencer blinked out of his sleep. 

He saw the familiar walls around him that were now filled with cards and flowers brought by her family and the team. 

Stretching out he moaned in pain, every single muscle hurt. These hospital chairs were not good for someone of average height, never mind someone over six foot. 

Looking around he found the source of what woke him up, Morgan was standing at the foot of your bed with two cups of coffee and a paper bag. 

Spencer hasn’t talked to him since his fist connected with his jaw almost a week ago. 

Morgan held out one of the cups and the bag, “A peace offering.” 

Spencer gave him a small smile as he reached out but Morgan pulled it out of his reach and raised an eyebrow at him, “Only if you don’t hit me again.” 

He couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled inside him, “Okay.” 

Morgan nodded and sat down beside him, “Any change?” 

Spencer sipped on his coffee, “She’s responding more. More eye movement. They’re going to try and wake her up later.” 

Morgan smiled supportively, “That’s great news, Spencer.” 

After a moment of silence Spencer opened his mouth, “Morgan I-” 

Morgan held up his hand, “You don’t need to say it, kid. I know.” 

Spencer sighed, “I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.” 

Figuring out that nothing else would cut through to Spencer he crossed his legs, “Did you know that around 1.5% of the population experiences anger with grief.” 

Getting the reaction he wanted he saw Spencer frown, “With what study?” 

Morgan shrugged, “Google.” and when Spencer scoffed, he leaned forward, “Look, it wasn’t right but you did it and I know why you did and I forgive you anyway. So, forget about it. You hit like a girl anyway.” 

At that the two bubbled into a fit of laughter. 

Once the laughter died down Spencer spoke up, “Morgan, can I ask you something?” 

“Yeah, kid. Anything.” 

Spencer took a deep breath, not really wanting to get into this conversation, “What did you hear?” 

Morgan raised an eyebrow, “What?” 

Spencer bit his lip, Morgan could see the nervousness bleeding out of him, “When I was on the phone to Maeve. What did you hear?” 

Morgan rubbed his head, “Spencer, that doesn’t matter right n-” 

“No, it... It matters to me.” 

Morgan shook his head, “I can’t remember exactly now, but you were talking to Maeve, wanting to meet up.” 

Spencer frowned, “That’s it?” 

Morgan shrugged, “It was enough for Y/n.” 

Spencer blinked at him, “Morgan, she’s a doctor. Of course, she wanted to meet me in person.” 

“Look, Y/n made me promise that if I ever heard anything I was to tell her. It sounded like something she needed to know.” 

Spencer couldn’t believe it. All of this over a simple meet up. He wasn’t angry though, he’s past anger, he just wants you to wake up. He coughed lightly, “I’m cutting ties with her anyway, I’m going to find a new doctor.” 

Morgan stood up and slapped him gently on the shoulder, “I think that’s for the best. Let me know if there’s any changes.” 

“Will do.” 

When Spencer was alone again with his own thoughts, he knew Morgan was right. This is for the best and all he cared about was that you were happy and he will do anything to make that happen. 

Anything. 

Speaking of doing anything, you would do anything right now to get out of whatever position you are in right now. Your arms and legs feel like pure led. You couldn’t move your head or even open your eyes. It feels like you’ve stayed in bed all day and not in the good way. 

Everything was so heavy. 

The only thing that made the feelings at all nice was the pleasant, warm, soothing weight that was on your right hand. 

You could move your eyes but not your eye lids to open them. So, all you could stare at was the weird darkness yet explosions of colour that you were well acquainted with. 

“When you wake up, I am going to do everything for you.” 

You frown, well, you try to frown. Who was speaking to you right now? 

“You’re not going to lift a finger for weeks. Any takeaway you desire, I’ll get it for you. I’ll even attempt to do a backflip.” 

Well that just sounds crazy. 

“We’ll go to that sushi restaurant that just opened that you’ve always wanted to try and I will get us those Broadway tickets too. I’ll even let you braid my hair.” 

Spencer! It’s definitely him. You pestered him for ages to go to that new restaurant and also to let you put his hair into a bun or some braids. 

“But we can only do that if you wake up, okay? So, you need to do that soon.” 

Wake up? But you are awake? 

You are awake? 

You are awake! 

Spencer! 

“Spencer...” 

Spencer’s eyes turned into dinner plates. You definitely just spoke. 

He jumped out of his seat and leaned over you, “Y/n? Sweetheart? Can you hear me?” 

His heart jumped when your eyebrows creased into a frown. 

You were waking up! 

“Y/n, open your eyes for me. Please.” 

It was slow at first, your eyes opening lazily and closing again. 

Spencer squeezed your hand and gasped when he felt you squeeze back, “That’s it. That’s it sweetheart, you’re doing so good.” 

He watched as you slowly opened your eyes, finally having enough strength to keep them open. 

Spencer felt a weight lift off of his chest that hasn’t left him in a week. Letting out a sigh of relief as tears formed in his eyes from seeing your own beautiful eyes again. 

“Hi.” you whispered. 

Spencer sniffled before smiling widely at you, “Hey there.” He let go of your hand and sat down on the bed beside you and raised both of his hands to gently cup your cheeks, stroking you with his thumbs, “I am so happy to see you.” 

Your heart swelled at the affection. It had been a long time since Spencer had been like this with you. 

“What- what happened?” your voice was croaky from not using it for so long. 

Spencer leaned over to grab a jug of water that the nurse had brought in that morning and quickly filled a plastic cup before holding it to your lips, “Small sips.” 

After you had done as he said he put the cup to the side, “You got shot in collarbone the field. You lost a lot of blood at the scene before we got you here but the surgery went well.” 

You nodded, “The UnSub?” 

“We got him, no one else got hurt.” 

“You’re in different clothes.” 

Spencer chuckled, “You’ve been out for a week.” 

“What?” you gasped before trying to get up. 

“No, no. Stay down.” Spencer gently pushed down against you until you were lying back down on the bed again, “We arrived and you went straight to surgery, couple hours after that you crashed again but they brought you back and now the doctor says you’re going to be fine.” 

It was a lot of information to take in at one time. It rendered you completely speechless. You looked down in shock and saw all of the wires in your arms. 

“Hey, look at me. Baby, look at me.” Spencer tried to keep your eyes on him so that you didn’t descend into a panic. “You’re okay.” 

You nodded as you tried to keep calm, choosing instead to focus on him, “How’re you?” 

Spencer frowned, “You just woke up from a coma and you’re asking me how I am?” 

You gave him your best serious face, which never works at all, to Spencer it looks more like a puppy trying to look cross. 

“Remember what I was like in the anthrax case and that was only a day. You’ve been waiting for seven.” 

Spencer’s stomach flipped. How could anyone ever think that there was a more perfect person for him than the woman lying right in front of him, “Better now.” he lifted your hand so he could kiss the back of it. “I mean that.” 

You frowned but before you could reply Spencer kept talking. 

“Y/n, I need to apologise to you. Our fight, which doesn’t even seem relevant anymore, I’m sorry it happened and I should’ve been more accepting of your feelings. I’m sorry that what Derek told you had you thinking about packing and going to stay with him. I’m sorry for making you feel like there could ever be any other woman in my life other than you. I am so thankful for the one I have and I love you so much. More than there are stars in the universe.” 

Tears filled your eyes at his declaration, “Oh, Spence.” You hadn’t mean to lose faith in him but when Derek came to you saying that Spencer and Maeve were thinking of meeting up you had thought the worst. You thought your fears of him leaving were coming true. That he had found someone smarter and more beautiful. 

Spencer sniffled as he lifted your left hand so you could see your engagement ring, “When I gave you this ring, I made a promise. To you and to myself. That come what may, the world will not stop me from marrying the most amazing and the most beautiful woman that was ever created.” 

You squeezed his hand and smiled at him, “You don’t have to apologise. I was just being paranoid and-” 

“No.” Spencer’s face had contorted into frustration, “No. Don’t you apologise for this. I did this to us and I’m going to do everything I can to fix it. Starting with cutting all contact with Maeve.” 

Your mouth dropped open, “What? But what about-” 

Spencer shook his head, “I can find a new geneticist, I'd never be able to find a new you.” 

A tear finally slipped from your eye before you quickly wiped it away and gently punched Spencer’s arm, “You know, for an awkward nerdy guy you really know how to pull at the heartstrings." You laughed through the tears. 

“Why are you crying?” he asked softly. 

You sniffled and smiled, “Because I love you.” 

Spencer feigned a frown, “And that makes you cry?” 

“Oh, shut up and kiss me.” 

Spencer chuckled before cupping your cheeks once again and leaning down to place his lips on yours. They were a little dry but Spencer was in no way complaining. He was kissing you again and you were kissing back. He shut his eyes tight, if this was a dream he was never, ever waking up again. 

Slowly pulling back he was so glad to see you weren’t a dream, you were awake and staring back at him. He placed his forehead against yours and whispered, “I love you too.” 

He kissed your forehead and when you tried to move you hissed in pain, “Okay, I think we’re going to have to get a real doctor in here now.” 

Spencer placed a hand over his heart and protested wholeheartedly, “I am a real doctor!” 

You raised your eyebrow at him. 

“I’m serious, I have a title and everything!” he pouted. 

“Mmhmm, yeah, sure.” You enjoyed toying with him, “Oh alright! Could you please get the M.D doctor please, three PhD Doctor Reid?” 

Spencer chuckled and booped your nose, “Anything for you.” As he got to the door he turned to you, “By the way, there’s something else you should know...” 

“What is it?” you asked apprehensively. 

“I may or may not have punched Derek in the face.” He rushed out before quickly sprinting out of the room, making it halfway down the hall before he heard, 

“Spencer Reid, you get back here!” 

God, he was so glad to have her back. 

Taglist:

I don't really post enough to warrent a taglist but so many of you requested!

@scallywag1299 @nyenye @13thdoctor-run @sebastiansstanswhore @glxwingrxse @jetblackwingsss @lagirl112 @ssa-uglywhore27 @stfu-rina @fuglyputa24 @cupidddd-d @somiaw

[mickeyswhore]

Just A Nobody

A/N: might feel silly and write a Part 2 of this, lmk if I should.

Summary: Homelander wants you, and you find an unlikely ally in Soldier Boy, at least that's what you think.

Soldier Boy x Reader

Warnings: not a lot of smut, manipulation, degradation.

GIF by @coppoladelrey

You started working at Vought while you finished college, Ashley needed a new assistant and she wanted someone young to be able to relate to the younger demographic that you represented. To say that your job was a nightmare was the understatement of the year, everyone treated you like a doormat, especially people in the Seven, except Starlight but when she left you were in the lion’s den again.

You had a system of how to navigate the supes, if it was The Deep, never be in a room alone with him under no circumstances. If it was Noir, it didn't matter because he never talked to you or anyone else for that matter so he was harmless, A Train was a mess and Ashley was very strict with you, never do any favours for him so you stayed away, Queen Maeve was always unpleasant with you so you stayed away. The only person Ashley said that you needed to do anything they asked was Homelander, which resulted in him rentelesly flirting with you. 

The different ways that you were avoiding him were insanely creative, you knew that no one could stop Homelander if he decided to attack you so you had to rely only on yourself and your intelligence. You were constantly stressed, every time you went to work you were on the verge of a panic attack and you were so close to quitting when Vought took it upon themselves to pay for your college.

“Ashley? What is this?” You were so pissed, you had written up your resignation letter and everything.

“You’re welcome are the only words that should be coming out of your mouth right now, darling.” You despised her tone, it was filled with a superiority complex.

“I didn't ask for this.” You protested.

“It wasn’t me, alright? It was Homelander! You made quite an impression on him, if I were you I’d express some gratitude.” She left, tears were already running down your cheeks. Homelander basically owned you and he would come back to claim you.

After freaking out and hyperventilating for hours in Ashley’s office, you decided to take a sick day and go to your apartment. You needed a way out of this but you had no idea of how yet, you took the subway and went home after warning Ashley.

At home you were thinking about what to do, if you ran away Homelander would eventually find you. He found his son and the mother and was with Vought’s help, you wouldn’t even last a day. While you were freaking out and thinking about all of the worst possible scenarios Ashley was blowing up your phone.

WHERE ARE YOU?????

SOLDIER BOY WAS FOUND

NEED YOU HERE STAT

NOWWWWWWWWWW

You thought that Soldier Boy was dead since before your father was born, maybe Ashley was mistaken? Maybe Vought being in disarray about this person would clear you from being away from Homelander for a while. You got up from your sofa and you were ready to get back to work and deal with Ashley almost having a mental breakdown. When you opened the door you saw him there, your blood ran cold.

“Homelander.” You whispered and he smiled, his smile always unsettled you. “What you’re doing here?” You had no idea that he knew you where you lived, that made you so fucking scared.

“I wanted to explain myself, I paid for your college tuition and we barely spoke before.” He entered your apartment and looked everywhere, you felt so violated.

“It’s gonna have to wait, Ashley needs me.” You were about to touch him so he could leave your apartment but his facade fell.

“She can wait.” You felt the urge to cry but somehow you didn't.

“Not really, Soldier Boy is back.” That was the first time you saw Homelander scared, and for a second you were more afraid of Soldier Boy than Homelander. Who was he that even the strongest man on earth is afraid of? “So I really need to go. You understand that, right?” You had no idea what he was going to do, you sighed relieved when he got out of your apartment.

“It’s fine, I’ll take you back to the tower.” Homelander motioned for you to follow him and you looked confused.

“No worries, I’ll take the subway.” He invaded your personal space and got inches near your face.

“I’m trying to be a gentleman here, girl. I said, I’ll take you.” Homelander was definetly getting off on the fact that you were scared of him, the way you smelled when you were scared and he didn't hide the fact that he enjoyed it. You simply nodded and the two of you walked in silence outside.

Outside, Homelander scooped you up and flew with you that made you so scared but you didn't even had the mental capacity to scream. You were at Vought in less than two minutes, you were about to remove yourself from Homelander when he kept you in place.

“Meet me in my room at 10, hm?” He smiled wickedly at you and released you. It felt as if you couldn’t breathe and Ashley’s words were repeating in your head:

“If I were you I’d express some gratitude.” 

You knew what was implied but you didn't want to do this, why it had to be you? Why couldn’t Homelander just find you unnatractive? You were just a nobody, why couldn’t it continue that way?

Ashley was waiting for you, and apparently all of the testing proved that it was Soldier Boy. How he was able to look the same age or get captured are questions that need to be answered. The two of you entered the room Soldier Boy was being held, Ashley needed to talk to him about all of the optics, how he was going to be in the Seven, if he insisted on it. Vought was more than happy to keep him under wraps, you can’t really control a supe, no matter how hard you tried.

Soldier Boy had his head down, he didn't look at Ashley when she introduced herself and started rambling about PR and how to mitigate the situation and you could tell that he wasn’t interested in the slightest. That’s when he looked at you, and the look he gave you was not one you describe, no one ever looked at you that way before.

“Shut the fuck up.” His voice boomed around the room and Ashley stopped talking instantly. “I’ll talk to her and her only.” Soldier Boy pointed at you and the two of you were speechless. Ashley quickly left the room and the two of you were alone, you sat down in the chair that your boss was sat a couple of seconds ago.

“Why do you want to talk to me?” You whispered, you have no idea why you had the courage to speak first maybe because since Homelander wanted you in his room, you had nothing to lose.

“I want to know what you do you think I should do, doll?” He looked genuinely interested in your opinion, but the reason behind it was totally lost on you.

“But why?” The look on your face could only be described as utter confusion making Soldier Boy laugh.

“You seem the only person I’ve seen so far to have integrity.” That took you by surprise and you simply nodded. “So? What do you think I should do?” He asked again, this time it seemed that was impatient.

“Well, you’ve been tortured by Russians all this time. The thing that seemingly makes the most sense is getting revenge?” It sounded more like a question than a statement and Soldier Boy picked up on that.

“You’re not sure? Speak up, woman.” He banged his hand on the table and startled you, making you jump slightly. 

“If I was you, I would take the time to decompress and enjoy something before going on a suicide mission killing everyone that wronged you.” You said rather quickly and he grinned at you.

“You’re not wrong, doll. Tell Vought that I want a private island, and if you want a promotion you can come live with me and be my handler, I’ll need one since mine is fucking dead.” He laughed and you were about to refuse when Homelander’s demand for you to be in his room flashed in your mind.

“Alright, I accept.” If that meant being as far away from Homelander as possible, you’d accept whatever job in a heartbeat.

“Great to hear, sweetheart.” Soldier Boy smiled at you, there’s no denying that he’s the most handsome man you’ve ever laid eyes on. “Are we done here?” He spoke in the direction of the glass, you could tell that he was annoyed but he wasn’t as scary as Homelander, you felt at ease with Soldier Boy.

----------------------------------

You didn't leave Soldier Boy’s side, the deadline to meet Homelander was approaching and if you were with a supe that wanted you near there’s nothing that Homelander can do, right? So you took full advantage of your brand new position, Ashley was annoyed about the fact that she needs a new assistant. But she wasn’t about to go against Soldier Boy, so she kept quiet.

Homelander was not happy about your new predicament, he was supposed to have you all to himself. He was looking for you, but you were packing all of Soldier Boy’s clothes that Vought even after all this time, that was very handy. Packing was always something that brought you peace, so you were humming your favourite songs whilst doing this chore. You gasped when you realised that Homelander was right behind you, he was angry you could tell that much, you looked around and realised that Soldier Boy probably went to the bathroon so you were all alone with Homelander.

“Let me get this straight, you’re going to jump on Soldier Boy’s dick the moment I pay for your college tuition? Talk about being an ungrateful brat.” He walked slowly towards you, and you took a step back.

“It was a job opportunity, a really good one…I…” Homelander raised his finger to stop you from talking.

“No, no.” He got closer to you, this was it. He was going to kill you, he raised his hand and caressed your cheek. “You’re not his, you’re mine.” You started crying, that’s when you heard someone clearing their throat.

“Do we have a problem here?” It was Soldier Boy and you were relieved, Homelander was pissed and your saviour was as cool as cucumber.

“No, we do not.” It was the first time you saw fear in Homelander’s features, and he quickly got away from you and he left without saying another word. After he left you sat down in Soldier Boy’s bed and sighed relieved.

“What’s going on between the two of you? Do I have to kill a supe to keep my handler?” Soldier Boy snickered and you let out a small laugh.

“He…always wanted…me.” The awkwardness seeping through every pore of your body makes you cringe. “He also demanded me to be in his room now…so…he came to talk.” Soldier Boy had a strange look on his face, the only thing that you could place was jealousy? That wasn’t possible, he barely knew you? You just ignored it.

“He’s never gonna bother you again, don’t worry.” Soldier Boy placed his hand on your thigh and it felt…nice. You knew that Soldier Boy was attractive, but him being comforting? The icing on the cake.

“Thank you, Soldier Boy.” You gave him a genuine smile.

“Ben.” You looked at him confused. “My name is Ben.” He clarified and the two of you smiled.

-------------------------------

You and Ben, as he insisted to be called were now in this private island. You realised quite quick that besides some members of staff that took care of cooking and cleaning, the two of you were all by yourselves. But other than that, you had the most amazing bedroom ever, it was bigger than your apartment and you couldn’t be happier to be away from Homelander.

Ben was always flirting with you, he never stopped. He was also touching you constantly but it never made you uncomfortable, it felt natural to have that intimacy with him. Your days consisted of just making sure that Ben was comfortable and if Vought had any plans for him, which they never did. That made the supe on the edge, you could that he wanted something and you had no idea what.

Until you found out.

It was raining, so neither of you left the house. Ben still hasn’t come out of his bedroom which was odd, he was the first one to wake up at 5 AM. You needed to ask him about what he wanted to eat, so you approached his door before you could knock you heard his gruntings and moaning, he was masturbating in there.

“I know you can hear me, doll. I can smell your arousal from a mile away.” You got caught and there was no way out, so you opened the door and there he was was, his dick was huge, it felt that it should be on a porn actor not a super hero. “There she is, why don’t you come here and let me fuck your mouth, huh?” It felt that he had power over you, so that was exactly what you did.

When you took his cock in your mouth, Ben grabbed your head and started fucking your throat. You tapped his leg so he could slow down but he didn't, you were gagging around his cock, it was painful but he never slowed down. Tears were running down your face, and you could hear Ben’s grunts and moans.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum doll.” He warned and you felt the thick ropes of cum and that made you gag but you did your best to swallow it all, after you were done, you looked at him and he was trying to catch his breath.

“I knew that I made a good deal with Vought.” You looked at him confused. “They let me keep you to do whatever I want in return I don’t appear in public.” He kissed you but you didn't have the ability to kiss him back. “If I was you, I’d warm up to me real quick. There’s nowhere for you to go, and remember sweetheart, you’re just a nobody.” He laughed and went to clean himself, it was going to be a very different stay on this island now, Ben would make sure of it.

[xoxotifia]

OCTONAUTS HEADCANONS + canon sprinkles part 2

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

PROFESSOR NATQUIK

— late 50s or early 60s

— speaks Russian and English (with a Russian accent, like he replaces “w” with “v” like “vas” and “z” like “zat”)

— if he gets pissed off, he’ll have the craziest Russian accent that you’ll think he’s trying to summon an ancient devil or something

— isn’t usually a drinker but flavored vodka hits different (he’s Russian, like be fr)

— Calico Jack and him are chaotic besties

— sometimes, if he doesn’t know what to respond, he just kind of goes 🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻

— taught Barnacles how to do field research when he was a Polar Bear Scout (canon ofc)

— always carries at least two forms of radio/some kind of long range communication on him at all times after being stranded in the Antarctic; he does not risk sh*t .

— when he lost connection to the radios he spent hours freaking out, while trying to fix the connection, causing him to slightly go insane + due to being alone for so long

— befriended the penguins in the Antarctic and they got him food and such (here)

— has ✨trauma✨ (he’s in need of therapy)

— a bit paranoid

— his fear response, fight or flight, is fight

— can’t sleep with noise; a lot of sounds keeps him alert since his ears are sensitive and therefore he wouldn’t be able to sleep, he’s used to the silence of the Antarctic

— a father figure to Barnacles (and Bianca)

— adding: Barnacles gave him a father’s day present as a cub once and they both cried

— any even just slightly traumatized child he comes across, he adopts (that’s his kid now)

— if he sees someone that he cares about cry he becomes a Dad™

— the only one who has seen Barnacles lose his temper / have a full-on breakdown

— gets frustrated quite easily

— hasn’t had a home-cooked meal in YEARS; if you gave him, like, hot soup, he’d cry pt.1

— part of the Old Mens Squad™

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

RANGER MARSH

— in his 50s

— ✨a Florida man✨, need I say more?

— has definitely wrestled an alligator before at least once and then acted like it’s normal (“why are you shocked? this is a typical tuesday”)

— sleeps like a brick no matter what; could possibly sleep through an earthquake

— uses the same catchphrases as Tweak; he’s the one she got them from!

— has no idea how advanced technology works but is learning and doing his Best™

— Tweak wants to fix his radio because it’s falling apart but he insists that it works fine (“I can’t even hear you when you call!” “That’s because you live in the ocean” “LET ME FIX IT”) .

— Tweak chewed on his hat when she was a kid and that’s why his hat has that bite mark (he refuses to buy a new hat because this one carries a memory of Tweak and he adores it)

— lowkey a dad to 90% of the Everglades creatures; they’re like family to him

— enjoys Florida Man memes; when he sees one he just goes “haha, I did that once,” and Tweak nods along knowingly and the others are like “???” (except Dashi, who is the one sending them to him either herself or through Tweak)

— sometimes sounds the Octo-alert just to talk to Tweak; free Tweak button

— part of the Old Mens Squad™

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

CALICO JACK

— late 60s

— the oldest Octo-Agent (may or may not deny it)

— has a Caribbean origin

— his mom was a Calico cat, hence his name Calico Jack

— his fear response, fight or flight, is flight; tends to panic when he realizes he made a mistake (lets out curses when no one’s around)

— kind, but not nice: before Kwazii was born, he was a merciless pirate like the others, but once Kwazii was born? Dude did a total 180° and always tried to positively influence his grandson, wanting him to be kind

— adding: since Kwazii was already starting to take after the pirate side of him and does get mistaken for his grandfather Calico Jack most likely got scared that something would happen to Kwazii, so mayhaps Jack went on a spree finding all his enemies (thinking they might mistake Kwazii for him and attack) like Whitebeard, Pirate King, all of em and ‘took care of them’ so to speak

— has seen some truly weird and scary sh*t

— can’t sleep without noise; if it’s quiet he assumes that he’s in danger and therefore cannot sleep

— has ✨trauma✨

— adding: possibly in denial about it

— Pete is his Emotional Support Birb™

— hasn’t had a home-cooked meal in YEARS; if you gave him, like, hot soup, he’d cry pt.2

— Tweak tried to offer him a new, modern prosthetic but he refused because “it isn’t the pirate way”

— considered the greatest cat pirate ever; but what actually has meaning to Jack, is that Kwazii thinks he’s the greatest

— adding: definitely cried when he learnt that Kwazii thinks he’s great

— actually has a bad eye (unlike Kwazii) but can still see with it, just not very well

— has a sea-farer’s accent like his grandson, only deeper and gruffer in tone

— also, slightly less quick to blame mythical creatures for strange things that he and the Octonauts encounter

— since Kwazii originally thought that Jack died a long time ago, but found him alive in the Amazon, and pretty much able to leave whenever he wanted, Jack was most likely just hiding from the world (a mood tbh)

— like Ranger Marsh, pretends to sound the Octo-alert on accident to talk to Kwazii; free Kwazii button (he blames it on Pete)

— part of the Old Mens Squad™

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

PAANI

— late 20s

— Indian (canon but like, adding it anyway)

— a hydrologist (again, canon, but anyway)

— autistic? possibly.

— can sometimes take others too literally or not catch certain social cues immediately

— has a tendency to get attached to inanimate objects very easily

— despite how acquainted he becomes with most creatures on his travels, he struggles to keep closer friendships— probably has some kind of attachment issues

— has a habit of doing things without asking first, or like, considering how his actions may indirectly affect others before doing them, in the name of The Greater Good™

— is a lot like Kwazii but also has a lot of the same qualities as Barnacles ; the reason why he ends up in trouble is because he jumps in to protect creatures (without thinking much)

— definitely imitates Kwazii’s sea-farer’s accent and is actually kind of good

— taller than Kwazii (and teases him about it)

— gay or demiromantic demisexual

— impulsive and acrobatic

— sleeps in the most random positions that make you think how the f is he comfortable

— makes Kwazii reflect on his own actions because Paani does the same kind of stupid reckless sh*t that he does, so now it’s Kwazii who’s gotta to be like “you should have asked for help!” while Paani’s just like “I didn’t think I’d need it :3” (truly a Barnacles moment /hj)

— adding: Kwazii and Paani have a shared love for cooking, eating snacks, tiny/baby animals and telling stories

— sometimes visits Kwazii on the Octopod, holds story-telling nights with him and the Vegimals, and bakes with them

— enjoys surfing and paddle boarding a lot; goes with Dashi sometimes

— skilled at tracking storms and usually wants to see it up close (Kwazii agrees)

— likes birds a lot and has some kind of ability to bond with them easily

— got some sort of trauma; may or may not be aware of this (either in denial or has accepted it)

— favorite food is the jackfruit

— his comfort food is his Paani’s Patties and he brings them literally everywhere he goes

— when he gets excited about water, he kind of just forgets his surroundings and just talks and talks until someone stops him— because otherwise he’ll just keep going

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

MIN

— in her 60s? (I mean she’s in the same age range as Inkling since they’re old friends so)

— Chinese (canon, but adding it anyway)

— canon, but met Inkling when he got stuck clinging to bamboo after a storm, and saved him by carrying him down

— extremely flexible and talented when it comes to climbing trees/jumping through bamboo; she can jump high and flip while climbing rocky cliffs

— precise and accurate when drawing maps that it’s like black magic or something

— hosts tea parties with Inkling sometimes (and sometimes the others tag along!)

— sometimes hangs out with Ranger Marsh, Natquik and Calico Jack (the Old Mens Squad™)

— adding: she’s an honorary member of the Old Mens Squad™

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

BIANCA

— mid 30s or late 30s, the younger twin

— Canadian; she and her cubs live in a den in the Arctic, Northern Canada

— sometimes visits Pearl or has calls with her

— strong but nowdays isn’t just as strong as Barnacles; doesn’t stop her from calling him ‘Feather Paws’ though

— grew up with Barnacles as her only family

— learned independence and self-reliance at a young age, especially in the Polar Scouts

— when she heard the ship MV Manitoba, that Barnacles was on, crashed during a big storm she immediately went to look for him

— knows Russian because of Natquik

— doesn’t really admit it, but in a way, also sees Natquik as a father figure (maybe not as much as Barnacles does, but nevertheless)

— polar bears are the most carnivorous of the bear family, so she eats a lot of meat

— can handle a hot climate but not for very long; so she usually stays in the Arctic with the cubs (also since they can’t handle hot climate)

— sleeps with a picture of her and Barnacles

— when Barnacles comes to visit them in the Arctic and stays the night or two, Bianca and the cubs cuddle with him

— tells stories to Orson and Ursa about their Uncle Barnacles’ and her childhood

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

PEARL

— early 30s, older than Shellington

— a marine biologist

— has knowledge to everything there is to know about kelp forests and kelp plants

— looked after Shellington a lot when they were kids (has slight Older Sister Syndrome™)

— Scottish (yes I know otters don’t live there but idc, she and Shellington were born there end of discussion)

— now lives in British Columbia, Canada

— sometimes visits Bianca in the Arctic or has calls with her

— a bit more serious than Shellington and not as clumsy

— facetimes Shellington every week or Shellington facetimes her

— unlike Shellington, she’s not allergic to anything and also eats almost anything

— the Vegimals call her aunt (she finds it cute)

-ˋˏ ༻ ♡ ༺ ˎˊ-

NOTE : WILL BE UPDATED WHEN I FIND / COME UP WITH NEW STUFF !

[justbreakonme]

Hi! I don’t know if you’re taking asks right now, but if you are, could you maybe write some whumpee deconditioning?

Oh this is right up my alley…

Caretaker sat outside on the porch, looking out over the dry grass and gravel drive. There was no one around for miles, well, no one but Whumpee.

He still didn’t know much about where he had come from, mostly that it was not a place he ever wanted to visit. He’d found him curled up in the barn, wedged in between hay bales as tightly as he could managed, like that was gonna do much against the below freezing temperatures. Caretaker was glad he’d thought to double check on the cats, otherwise, who knows if the kid would have made it through the night.

He’d yanked him inside and ripped into him, saying his parents were probably worried sick, and only when he’d ran out of breath did he see the hand shaped bruises, the burns…the belt marks. All through everything, whumpee hadn’t managed a word, merely stared blankly into the middle distance, trembling like a leaf.

That was almost three months ago now, and snow had given way to dead grass and the beginnings of spring, and Whumpee had stayed with Caretaker.

He slept in a real bed, not in a barn, and they ate meals together at a proper kitchen table, and he helped out around the property like he’d lived there all his life. And that was where the normalcy ended.

It was like he couldn’t remember, not in his mind at least. But the things he did were a different story. As horrible as it was, he had expected the flinching. The skittishness, the way he avoided fireplace pokers and belts like the plague. But there were other things that he just hadn’t puzzled out yet.

The biggest problem was that there was something about books that set him on edge. Caretaker was an avid reader, and there was not much he liked better than cracking open a book and sitting back on the porch, but whenever he did, whumpee acted…odd.

He’d watch from the kitchen window, then duck away when he’d look back, and if, after he looked back, he got up and came inside, it would trigger a panic attack like nothing else.

Usually, when whumpee got scared, they went still, and silent, aside from quick, short breaths, his head ducked and his hands clasped in front of him. Those were…easier, in some ways, to deal with. He had worked out that whumpee was needing forgiveness, or reassurance that he hadn’t done anything wrong, or that no one was mad at him. Once that “sunk in”, he would be able to calm down, slowly, but better the others.

The “book scares” as he had started to refer to them in his own mind, would have whumpee scrambling for cover, his hands up in a defensive position, and he would beg and cry that he was sorry, that he would be better, that he didn’t mean to, but he would never say what he was sorry for, and no amount of questions, in the moment or after it, would help caretaker figure it out. It was like even whumpee wouldn’t know.

He didn’t even know how to really calm whumpee down, all he was ever able to do was help him crash safely. He’d tell him to go sit in bed and calm down, and that he wasn’t in trouble, but he would still hear him crying for hours, and would find him passed out, exhausted, on top of the covers in his bed, tear tracks still drying on his cheeks.

He just…couldn’t figure it out.

Caretaker could feel whumpees eyes on the back of his head through the open window. He fought the urge to turn around, and instead, had an idea. He faked a yawn, and a satisfied sigh, and closed his book. He stretched, and snuck a sideways glance over his shoulder to see him watching.

He looked…hopeful, but still ducked away Was that a good sign? He took a deep breath, and decided to try something else. Very gently, he called. “Hey, Whumpee? Could you bring me a pen?”

He didn’t know what to ask for, but Whumpee hadn’t had any reactions to pens or the like, and it was something he could find easily.

“Y-Yes sir!”

Caretaker winced at the eager panic in his voice, and the way he practically ran for the cup of pens by the phone. He was out the door, presenting the pen, in seconds, his hands shaking but still lucid and not lost to panic yet.

“Thank you,” he takes the pen, and gives whumpee a smile, “would you feel like joining me?”

He gestured to the other rocking chair, and Whumpees breath hitched as he darted a glance up for just a second, searching Caretakers face.

He seemed to determine it was the right answer, and nodded, quickly. “Thank you sir.” It was like watching someone held at gunpoint, the way he sat so carefully, the white knuckle grip he held on the armrests.

“It’s nice weather out here, huh? Finally starting to warm up…” he didn’t know what else to say, hell, they’d probably had less than ten conversations that weren’t about what they were going to do or how to do something.

“Yes sir, it is…” He moved his hands to his lap, still not relaxing even the slightest, but his tone seemed less…stiff.

He wished he’d thought this out a little further, thought of more to talk about than the weather. In a way, he hadn’t planned because he didn’t really expect to get this far.

He took another deep breath, figuring he might as well not beat around the bush. “When I come and sit out here and read, I can tell it makes you worried…” Whumpee flinched, hard.

“Look, you aren’t in trouble, you didn’t do anything wrong, I just want to understand why…” caretaker added quickly, shifting to turn his full attention towards Whumpee.

That proved to be a bad idea. Whumpee shrank back in the chair, eyes wide and blank like a deer in the headlights, his mouth open but no words escaping.

“Hey, hey, I didn’t bring it up because I was annoyed or anything… you’re a good kid whumpee, and I don’t want you to always feel like you’re in trouble cause you’re not. Alright?”

It didn’t seem like Whumpee could even hear him. He still just stared forward, his back pressed painfully hard up against the back of the chair.

“Hey, whumpee, you’re okay, you’re good. Can you hear me?”

The question at least seemed to trigger something, and he nodded quickly, tears starting to pool in his eyes. “Good, good, you’re doing great, kid. Look, I just want you to know that you’re okay, right?”

Whumpee nodded again, and Caretaker could tell he was holding his breath.

“It’s okay if you feel like crying, you can, you won’t be in trouble… I just was hoping to find a way to…I dunno, not scare you so much.”

There’s a moment of silence, whumpee still not breathing, then, it was like it all flooded out at once. A sob seemed to rip out of him, and he sank to his knees in front of caretaker, clasping his hands together as if in prayer.

“P-please… I don’t know what- what to do. What do you want me to d-do? I will, I will, I promise- Please, ju-just tell me, please!”

He was shaking so badly that it was making his teeth chatter, and though Caretaker couldn’t see his face from this angle, he knew it would be screwed up in fear and grief like it always was in moments like these.

Shoving his own chair back, Caretaker sank down to meet whumpee on his knees, putting a hand over his clasped ones. “I want you to be able to relax, okay? I want you to trust me. Trust that I’m not going to hurt you, that you’re safe here with me, okay?”

“I can’t!”

Whumpee immediately clapped his hands over his own mouth in horror. “I’m sorry- I didn’t- I- I-“

Caretaker could hear the way he was winding himself up, the reedy, wheezing breathing that was starting to take over, and he couldn’t let him keep going.

“Okay. Thank you for telling me.”

The tone of his voice was calm, matter of fact, but it seemed to stop Whumpee dead in surprise. He was still struggling to breathe, little hitches interrupting every breath, but at least he was still breathing.

“I’m glad that you were able to be honest, and so that we can work together, okay? That was really, really good kid.”

“R-really?” The look in his eyes was both awestruck and disbelieving, but Caretaker would prefer that over terror any day.

“Yeah. Really. Now, when you said you can’t, did you mean you couldn’t relax, or that you couldn’t trust me, or both?” Caretaker cut himself off, raising a hand gently, “It is okay, whatever answer it is. I just want to know.”

Whumpee was starting to panic again, his eyes darting from the ground then to Caretakers face and down again.

“Both.”

“Okay! Now, we can start off on the same page,” Caretaker gently squeezed his hand around both of Whumpees, “Is there anything that I can do that would make you feel more safe?”

Whumpee just cried harder for a moment, and he wondered if he had pushed too far, when he finally managed a weak “I don’t know…”

Caretaker opened his mouth to speak, but Whumpee kept going. “I want to, I want to, you’ve been nothing but good to me and I want to obey- I don’t know how- I’m so sorry…”

“Hey- Hey, kid, the last thing on my mind is obedience, I just don’t want you be afraid all the time… You’re a good kid, you shouldn’t have to feel afraid.”

To caretakers surprise, whumpee laughed, a quick short burst before seeming to get himself under control. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- I just, I doubt I’ve ever been ‘not afraid’ my whole life.” He sneaks a glance at Caretakers face, the drops his eyes to the ground again.

Caretaker sighed, feeling his heart pinch. “That’s okay… I’ve never had anyone else on this farm. We’ll just have to learn together.”

Whumpee nodded quickly, seemingly trying to get himself back under his own tight fisted control. “Whumpee, how about you sit out here with me for a bit?”

Whumpee nods, and caretaker relaxes a bit. But, he still wants to know why reading set him on such a narrow edge.

They both ease back into their seats, and caretaker looks around for a change of subject. To his delight, just at that moment, a bird flew into view and perched on one of the trees nearby.

“Hey, look at that! That’s a robin, it’s really starting to warm up. They start to show up in the spring, and that’s the first one I’ve seen this season.”

Whumpee squinted, then nodded, but, caretaker could tell he hadn’t actually seen it, only pretended to. Could he see it? The way he squinted made caretaker wonder if he could need glasses…

“Here, it’s far away, I’ve got a better picture,” slowly, he reaches for his book, and flips it open to the right page, “See?”

Whumpee still tensed up, but, didn’t panic. He looked, genuine interest showing on his face for the first time he’d ever seen.

“It’s a beautiful bird sir…” Whumpee managed, looking up again before letting his eyes fall back to the book.

“Yeah… and there’ll be more, soon.”

He nods, the slightest grace of a smile on his face.

“Is this the book you thought I would be reading? A book about birds?”

Whumpee tensed further, but still didn’t panic, thankfully. “No sir.”

“Is that…good?”

Whumpees breathing stopped, and Caretaker backpedaled. “That’s a bit to open ended, huh? Could you tell me what you thought I might be reading?”

That was better. Whumpee took a deep breath. “The Bible, sir.”

Caretaker felt his heart sink, but also relief. That explained…a lot.

He forced himself to keep the conversation light, knowing the next few questions he was going to need to ask would be hard. “No, just the bird bible I suppose…” he laughs, setting it back down, and though whumpee didn’t laugh, he did relax slightly further.

“Where you were before, after they read the bible, would you be in danger? Is that why it scares you?”

“Yes,” he takes another deep breath, then another, winding himself up once more, “We’d- We would have a sermon, after, and then… sins would be- would be forgiven.”

“Oh…” So that’s why caretaker could never figure out what Whumpee had thought he’d done wrong. He hadn’t been told yet what sins he’d committed.

“I sh-should not be afraid. Sparing the rod spoils the child, I understand, but-“ Whumpee sniffed, and tears dotted the knees of his jeans, “Sometimes I thought I was going to die…”

“Whumpee…” was all Caretaker could manage, horror taking over everything else.

“I d-didn’t want to die with- with sins unforgiven.”

“Kid… that’s- you don’t- that’s not forgiveness, that’s not fair at all…”

Whumpee just shook their head, wiping their eyes.

“Do you- do you still feel like you need to hurt to be forgiven?”

“I do. That’s- that’s what it takes.”

The uncharacteristic steadiness of that sentence made Caretaker very, very worried. “No, no that’s not right. Whumpee, have you been- when I tell you to go to your room, what do you do?”

“I-“ Whumpee had picked quickly on the shift in his tone, the underlying accusation, and seemed to brace himself for the answer he had to give, “I deal with them myself.”

“How?”

Whumpee just shakes his head again, pulling back further, and he wraps his arms around himself like a hug.

“Whumpee, you have to tell me, what have you been doing?” He needed to know, needed to stop this, stop it now.

He shook his head harder, and now Caretaker was caught with an impossible decision. He doubted he could force the answer out of whumpee, but he also couldn’t just let this go, not something like this.

“Whumpee, please, please just tell me. Please don’t make me have to ask again…” He wracked his brain for what was in his room, how any of it could be used in the wrong way, but he was drawing a blank…

“Are- are you going to make me stop?”

“Yes, I have to. You can’t- it’s not- I’ll forgive you, okay? I’ll do it, if you need to be forgiven, I’ll do it. Okay?”

Whumpee looked up, not just a quick glance but held his eyes for a moment. Fear, relief, sadness, all flashed by, but the one that held steady through it all was this bone deep, haunting sense of exhaustion… Whumpee looked defeated.

“I unscrew the top of the bed post… the screw in the bottom is sharp, but, it’s not enough. Please…” Whumpee reached forward with both hands, grabbing one of Caretakers, “please forgive me, please!”

“You have to tell me what you did wrong…” he’s stalling, trying to avoid having to deny Whumpee the “forgiveness” that he wanted so badly.

“I don’t know- I don’t know but I know I have done wrong, but I always do- I know it!”

“Whumpee-“

“You said, you said you’d do it-“

“But I have to know what you did, because I don’t think you did anything wrong.”

Whumpee let go, hitting his forehead with the heels of his hands as he sobbed. “You said! I n-need- I need to be forgiven- I need to be punished!”

“No you don’t!” Without realizing, he had reached over and grabbed Whumpee by the wrists, shaking him, “You don’t need to be hurt, you don’t have to!”

Whumpee shook his head over and over, practically howling as he struggled to free his wrists.

“Please, whumpee, please stop, stop! Listen to me kid, you don’t have to do this!”

“I do, I do, I do I do I do!”

“No, you DON’T!”

Caretaker hasn’t meant to yell, and he instantly regretted it. Whumpee stopped, his chest heaving as he tried to stop crying.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he loosens his grip on whumpees wrists, “Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to be hurt. I need you to trust me on this. I need you to try.”

Whumpee drew his hands away, hugging himself again, and nodded. Caretaker didn’t know if he nodded because he agreed, or because he was afraid not to. At the moment, Caretaker would take either, as long as whumpee would be unharmed.

“Whumpee… Just sit out here with me. I’ll get us some tea, and we’ll watch the birds. You won’t have anything to be forgiven for.”

He shakes his head again.

“What is wrong about that?”

“There should be…no joy except through God.”

“So, you think you need to be forgiven, for being happy?”

He nods quickly. “You- you’ve been so good to me, and- It means I need more forgiveness.”

Guilt settled in a heavy layer over him, even though there was no way he could have known.

“But-“ he wracked his brain for half-forgotten Sunday school lessons, “God created everything, right?”

“Every leaf, on every tree.”

Caretaker had never believed in God, but, now he knew he had to speak for him.

“Every bird? Every breeze? Every sunset?”

Whumpee nodded, eyes on his knees.

“He made every leaf of tea and every grain of sugar?”

He nodded again, eyes still down.

“Then, how could it be wrong to sit outside, and admire his creation?”

Whumpee looked up, stunned, and then out to the dry grass, the gravel drive…

“So, how about that tea?”

“Okay..”

“Great,” Caretaker felt like he could breath again, “I’ll be right back then.”

When Caretaker came back, Whumpee accepted the glass of tea carefully, and, when his eyes met Caretakers, some of the exhaustion had melted away.

They sat, and watched the birds, until the tea glasses held nothing but ice and they had looked through every picture of every bird in his book.

It would take time, and it would take work, and trust, and lots and lots of questions, but, things would get better.

[quicktosimp]

Save an Ilu, Ride a Na'vi

Kinkmas Day 05

Warnings: Sex on an Ilu, Fingering, Alien Genitala, Enemies to Lovers (Kinda), Aonung Sucks at Emotions, Aonung Redeems Himself, Anxious Reader, Panic Attacks

A/N: I have never written this before, and it was an amazing experience thank you @neteyamsyawntu 💕

Dividers by @cafekitsune

“Come in, Forest Girl, you’re going to learn how to ride an ilu whether you like it or not,” Ao’nung’s gruff voice demanded.

I winced, and my ears folded back, knowing he was already angry today. We were separated into groups because of how volatile Aonung got with my brothers: those that Aonung could tolerate and those he couldn’t. As of right now, I am the only one in his group, this being due to the fact that I can’t tell him no. Confrontation makes me panic; I can’t even react. I just stay quiet and hope they go away. Back in Omatikaya, my brothers would stop anything from happening, and no one was stupid enough to mess with Kiri. But once we came to Awa'atlu, Aonung and his goons had it out for my family. We tried to keep the peace, but it ended in several fistfights, especially when Aonung realized that I wouldn’t fight back. This caused even more fights, and now, none of the boys are allowed around each other. To make it up to me, Aonung has to teach me how to ride an ilu. I think this is more of a punishment for me, but I couldn’t tell Tonowari that when he was already irritated at his son and my brothers.

It didn’t help when Dad tore my brothers a new one for getting into a fight while praising me for “keeping the peace,” which only infuriated them; Lo’ak tried to explain that I was scared of them only to be shut down by Dad. Neteyam attempted to get Dad to understand but wasn’t interested in listening to him either. Leaving me here, trapped with my tormenter until I learn to ride an ilu.

“Before eclipse, freak,” he snarled, stalking into the water, his tail swishing angrily.

I scurry after him now, wanting to make him any angrier. It always surprises me how warm the water is, not icy like the lakes and rivers back home. I easily wade into the water well past my waist as Aonung continues deeper, calling the ilu. The joyful creatures pop out of the water, swimming eagerly to Aonung as I stood back waiting. The ilu was already harnessed, ready to ride, as I stared at it nervously.

“Get on,” Aonung’s words were short as he held the ilu in place.

I timidly walked over onto the other side of the ilu, trying to put as much space between Aonung and I. I grabbed onto the harness and lifted myself on. I grasped onto the handle in front of me as my panic started to set in. Back home, I had never been able to complete my Iknimaya, too terrified of fighting the ikran, and even though I am not fighting an ilu, the same panic is there. My chest felt heavy, and breathing was becoming difficult. Each breath was short as my skin became clammy. I knew I had to make tsaheylu in order to learn to ride, but I couldn’t let go of the harness, my hands stuck in a shaky iron grip. 

“Oi, you need to make the bond,” Aonung reminded crossly.

I attempt to let go with one hand, only for nausea to crawl its way up my throat. I grip back on even tighter as a whimper tears from my throat. My vision became blurry. I'm not sure if it's from the lack of oxygen or from tears. Am I crying?

“What in Eywa’s name is wrong with you?” Aonung demanded.

I attempted to speak, but all that came out was choked-off breaths as my body trembled even harder.

“Oh fuck me,” I hear Aonung mutter under his breath.

The next thing I knew, his hands were on my waist; Aonung easily picked me up and held me close and away from the ilu.

“There, now calm down, and let's figure out how we can fix this,” I hear him mutter, his voice barely sounding over the waves in my head.

Once the ilu was long gone, I was able to start calming down. The fading adrenalin left me shaky and weak. As my vision cleared, I first noticed my grip on Aonung’s biceps, my nails digging in, creating crescents on his arm. I lessened my grip and let go, not wanting to hurt him. The second thing was that Aonung hadn’t let me go. The water here was just below my chin, yet he held onto me like I was well above my head. Almost protective?

“What in Eywa’s name was that about? You looked like the ilu was an akula,” Aonung asked, what sounded like concern.

“Bad experience,” I managed to mutter out; my throat still felt like there was a lump in it.

“Bad experience, my ass, it’s more than that, and I can’t teach you if you don’t tell me,” He snarked, but his arms were still firmly wrapped around my waist. 

I shakily sighed, “A couple of years ago, Lo’ak attempted his iknimaya, and to complete it, he must form tsaheylu with an ikran,” I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears came to my eyes, “It went fine in the beginning, but when he got on his ikran, it rolled him, sending Lo’ak off a cliff. It wasn’t good. I had to watch as my brother's broken body struggled to heal, as he couldn’t wake up,” Tears poured out of my eyes, and I couldn’t stop talking, “After Lo’ak healed, we could never talk about it, and then dad made Lo’ak do it again the following year, despite our Tsahìk saying he needed another year to heal fully. Lo’ak managed to do it, but it reopened several wounds, and he had to be taken off duty for months. I was the one who took care of him since the beginning of it all, but I can’t get the images of Lo’ak’s body at the bottom of the cliff.” I finished as sobs raked through me.

Warmth was pressed against my cheek; looking up, I noticed it was Aonung’s chest. His extensive tattoo was underneath my cheek. He was hugging me. 

“You are terrified of many creatures now; that is not your fault. This should have been explained to us before bringing you out here,” his large palm rubbed up and down my back soothingly; he paused before abruptly asking, “Is that why you were sleeping when your family arrived? You panicked like I just watched until you lost consciousness?” Aonung’s voice was panicked as he asked.

I nod my head, not wanting to answer verbally.

“Well fuck that, that’s not going to happen again. I’m going to make a new plan, and the first part is you’re going to talk with my mom. She is experienced with these traumas and will teach you different techniques to work through them. She is also a great listener when she needs to be, and only when she says it’s good will I work with her and you to teach you how to ride an ilu,” Aonung explained firmly.

Confused, I looked up at him, “Why are you doing so much for me?” I asked, confused.

His face turned lavender as he looked away from me, “I’m your teacher; it’s my job,” And he left it at that.

Many moons go by. I’ve worked with Ronal, and while I was too timid to say literally anything to her at first, she is now the first person I wish to talk to, well, besides Aonung. The months have brought us close, and after a while, we even started to court. Before that, I expected that he would apologize to my siblings, but instead, he did more. He apologized to my siblings and brought many gifts of jewelry, food, and weapons; he even explained everything to my dad, leaving him with no excuse to accept that my brothers weren't in the wrong. It seemed that everything was going well, even the ilu training. It started with simply being around them and progressed as I got more comfortable around them. Now, here I am about to do a joint ride with Aonung; he will make the bond with the ilu, and I will ride in front of him. Easing the pressure off of me. 

“Are you ready, Sumtsyìp?” Aonung asks me from atop the ilu, his hand reaching out for me.

I hesitantly grab his hand, and Aonung lifts me so I am sitting in front of him. I start to feel a bit of panic before I notice my ass firmly nestled next to his slit. I try to ignore it since we are here to ride the ilu, but thoughts keep coming into my head.

“You remember the breathing exercises I taught you?” Aonung asks.

“I remember,” I responded distractedly.

Aonung’s arm wraps around me firmly, “Alright, then, let’s go.”

With that, I took a deep breath, and we submerged. The lack of air panicked me at first, wanting to take another breath, but I was unable to. But it wasn’t long after that we emerged up top. I quickly took a breath before we dived again. This went on for a bit until, when I looked back, Awa'atlu was long in the past. I continued to take deep breaths as I examined my surroundings. Nothing but open sea could be seen. I pressed myself close to Aonung when I felt my chest start to become heavy.

“You did so good, Sumtsyìp. I am so proud of you!” Aonung exclaimed as he picked me up and turned me around. 

Now sitting chest to chest with Aonung, I can see the joy on his face as he litters my face with kisses. I can’t stop the giggles that flow from my lips. As Aonung kisses my face, I start to squirm from the ticklish sensations. Causing our slits to grind against each other, even with tewng in the way it sent pleasure radiating through our bodies.

“You can’t do that, Sumtsyìp,” Aonung gasped as he gripped onto my hips. 

I look up at him, my tail twitching playfully along his arm, “Why not?” I ask, tilting my head to the side and wrapping my legs around his waist.

His eyes dilate in response before he latches his lips onto mine, kissing me passionately. I moan into the kiss and lean in, wrapping my arms around his neck and tangling my fingers into his hair.

Aonung pulls away briefly, “Oh fuck, you’re going to be the death of me,” Before nipping my bottom lip, pulling on it before releasing it and licking the seam of my lips. 

I open my mouth for him, and his tongue slips in, coming to play with my own. Our tongues dance together as I grind my slit into his, becoming irritated by the feel of my tewng. Almost as if he could read my mind, one of Aonung’s hands travels down to my tail, uniting the straps starting there to free me from my tewng. Unable to leave it be, the moment Aonung’s fingers skimmed the base of my tail, he gabbed on and tugged. I arched into his touch as a moan was ripped from my lungs. My slit has started to open, and slick is leaking out of it. Aonung continued to play with my tail, pulling and caressing it as I continued to grind into him; each tug brought a sharp pleasure that I couldn’t ignore, and I needed more from Aonung. Backing away from his lips, a long string of saliva connects our mouths. 

“Please, Nung,” I beg, widening my cat-like eyes at him. 

Aonung rests his forehead on mine, staring into my eye as his fingers creep closer to my slit, “You have been such a good girl for me. You deserve a reward, don’t you, Sumtsyìp?” It may have been worded as a question, but it was a fact to him.

Slowly Aonung trails his finger up and down my slit, gathering the slick that has already escaped from me, gently urging me open for his fingers. Slowly, he sinks in one finger down to the knuckle. My inner tendrils wrapped around his finger, trying to draw it in more.

“You’re greedy today, aren’t you? Making yourself all wet for me, drawing me in, just to use my finger for your own pleasure. But that’s all I am here for, to serve you,” Aonung groans into my ear. 

I whimper at his words, my core throbbing in need as the heat travels through my body. As I went to reply, he slowly removed his finger, each of my inner tendrils fighting to stay wrapped around his digit, but slowly losing the battle and releasing, but continued to follow him until they could no longer reach him. When just the tip of Aonung’s finger was left inside, he pushed it back in, slowly fucking me with one finger as he did it over and over again, bringing me a slow-burning pleasure.

“Aonung! Please, stop teasing!” I pled with him, the slow pace maddening me.

A throaty chuckle vibrated Aonung’s chest, “Are you eager, Sumtsyìp? Does your greedy slit need more attention? Is one finger not enough for you? You’re lucky you’ve been so good. This behavior won’t be accepted any other time,” He says into my ear as he pushes in another finger.

The stretch was glorious as the two digits worked simultaneously. His fingers twisted and slicked inside me, spreading me further, and my inner tendrils followed his fingers, knowing that it would bring them more pleasure. I start to hump his fingers, needing more than this slow pace, and finally, his fingers curled inside me. I gasp as stars cross my vision, the pleasure shocking me from top to bottom, taking my breath away in response.

“Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung, Nung,” I chanted, the only thing that I could think of. 

“Such a good girl, saying my name like that. Now tell me, who makes you feel good?”

“Nung!” I responded.

Aonung’s fingers curled deeper this time, “Good girl, now tell me, who touces this slit?”

“Nung, Nung does,” I whine as the pleasure builds.

This time, he twisted his hand, pulling on my inner tendrils, and a squeal left my lips.

“Good girl, now, one more question. Who owns this slit?” Aonung hiss out.

My heels dig into Aonung’s back as I try to anchor myself, “You, Aonung! You own my slit!” I shouted into the open air.

The hand that was holding onto my hip moved to my tail, tugging on the base as he flexed and pulled his fingers inside me. The scream that felt my lips was feral and roar as my vision whited out. My toes flexed as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through me, and my fingers scratched at his shoulders, leaving marks that would last for days.

“Nung, Nung, Nung,” I chant as I continue to cum, his fingers never ceasing their work.

“Did so good, Sumtsyìp. You came on my fingers perfectly. Such a good girl for me,” Aonung whispered as he slowly started to remove his fingers once my orgasm finished. 

Despite my brain being fuzzy, I knew that Aonung didn’t cum. I slowly reach my hand down to his tewng, wanting to return the favor, only for Aonung to grab my hand and pull it away gently.

“No, Sumtsyìp, this was your reward. This was all about you. Next time you can help, Yawne,” Aonung explained softly.

I wanted to argue but found that I was too fucked out to do so. Instead, I relaxed into his hold as we started the much slower journey home, thinking of all the ways I could return the favor.

[porchlightfairy]

plsss something about sinclair!reader having a massive crush on eddie, but scared to tell him cause she’s literally the opposite of chrissy and the majority of the girls at their HS….idk maybe lucas accidentally saying something and reader avoids him??? don’t be shy to add a lot of angst hehe thnx xo

It all went wrong in a night

a/n: this ended up being longer than i expected. i hope you enjoy!

eddie munson x sinclair!reader

warnings: panic attack, chrissy being one-dimensional, ANGST, crying, Lucas unintentionally being mean, bullying

word count: 4.2k

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You were jealous of your younger brother, Lucas. He was able to maintain having two friend groups while throughout high school you weren’t able to keep a single friend. Not that you weren’t impressionable or anything, you just had a tendency to grow apart. They had their interest and you didn’t like their interests. So you would keep to yourself for the most part. You were considered weird now, you never went to parties nor did you interact with the popular kids.  You were socially awkward and had a hard time talking with your peers.  

Since you didn’t have a friend group you would typically sit with the other outcasts in the Hellfire Club with your brother. You had never done it before but your brother helped you warm up to them. You wouldn’t consider them your friends though. They were your brother’s, you were just his older sister that wanted to tag along. The only one that would truly interact with you was Eddie Munson, the club president, and dungeon master.

Sometimes, he would ask what you were reading or what you had in your sack lunch. If there was nothing to talk about within the club, he would talk to you instead. He was very nice to you. One of the few boys to do that with you. And because of that you couldn’t help but have some feelings for him.

But of course, you weren’t the only girl he was nice to. There was Chrissy Cunningham the popular cheerleader and freshly on the market. After a very messy break-up with her long-term high school sweetheart, Jason, you heard her talking on and on about how nice Eddie was to her. He was her shoulder to cry on for weeks. It was hard for her not to fall for him. And there were clear signs of him reciprocating. Not that you ever saw that but she was convinced. You heard her babble to her cheerleader friends about it.

You were jealous of Chrissy too. She had the friends, the smile, the talent, and the skill. Things you didn’t have. If Eddie were to choose between the two of you, you had no shot of winning. 

You sat in a stall and waited for the gaggle of cheerleaders to leave to practice. It was Friday, which meant it was hellfire club for Lucas but his coach had told him during the day to be sure to be at practice. So he could be at either. You would pick him after whichever ever so you had to make sure you knew which direction he would be coming from. You decide to check on the Hellfire Club first to see if he was there. You knock on the door and wait for a few moments.

The door swiftly opens, “Sinclair nice of you to finally join us…” Eddie booms making you jump backward, “Oh sorry, wrong Sinclair. Sister Sinclair, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence.” He smiles.

“Oh, um, I was just looking for Lucas, but if he’s not here I’ll look somewhere else.” You spin on your heels.

“Brother Sinclair didn’t show up but hey since you’re here maybe you could help us. The party is down a player and could really use some help.”

“From me?” You laugh nervously, “But I don’t really know how to play dungeons and dragons. Lucas tried once and he never wanted to again. I’m not that teachable.”

“Well, I’m sure with all of us there you could learn something. I’m a pretty good teacher.” He holds out his hand to you, “C’mon, I promise it’s not that scary. No matter what the guys tell you.”

You can’t help but smile. You take his hand gently and he pulls you into the theater room. Through the room and to the main stage was a large table set up in the darkness. You see all the members at the table, the only spot left open was the one right next to Eddie. As you take your seat, Eddie begins his monologue. “Welcome adventurers, we will be resuming our journey to the world’s end. Along the way you meet a traveler.” Eddie points to you, “And they have agreed to accompany you on this adventure.”

You swallow hard when a blank character sheet is placed in front of you with a pencil. You stare at it wide-eyed. Eddie leans over and explains to you every bit on the page. Jesus, there was so much happening on a single page. You had to roll dice skills?! Why not just pick random numbers? Why do you need slots for magic? Why not cast it all the time? You know magic, did you suddenly forget?

The questions would continue to fill your mind as you filled out the sheet. The session was tough for everyone, you were sure of it. The combat was very stop-and-go, every time it was your turn. You would apologize profusely before asking for help yet again. You were flustered with everyone staring. You felt terrible when it was over. You swore you heard a collective sigh of relief. Everyone then leaves the school, heading home for the night.

“Hey, no worries. You did good for your first session.” Eddie slings an arm over your shoulder. Your heart squeezes at the motion.

“Thanks. I probably couldn’t have done much without your help.” You say, “But I probably won’t play again.”

Eddie clicks his tongue, “That’s too bad. I’ll keep your character sheet though. Just in case.”

“Yeah, just in case you need to start a fire.” You mumble. Eddie lets out a hearty laugh, you didn’t think you said it that loud. You feel yourself begin to get flustered. The air in the parking lot cools down your face. As the Hellfire Club leaves the theater, the basketball team leaves the gym. You see Lucas coming out of the doors, “I should meet up with Lucas, I’ll see you around Eddie. Thank you for letting me play.”

“Anytime, Sister Sinclair. The offer still stands, you can join us whenever.” He bows and spins on his heels and walks over to his van.

You skip over to Lucas, “Hey kiddo, how was practice, you didn’t tell me which you were going to. I had to look for you.”

“You were with the Hellfire Club all night? I’m surprised.” He says.

“Yeah, Eddie roped me into playing.” You giggle but stop when you see the look on his face, “But it was whatever.”

“Right.” He smiles, “For a secret crush, you have a hard time keeping it one.”

“Whatever man, get in the car,” You unlock the door and jump in the car.

“Did the guys say anything about me being missing?” Lucas asks.

“A little, I think they were bummed you didn’t say you weren’t coming.” You say as you start the car.

“Oh, another thing, could you drive me to Chrissy’s place tomorrow night?”

“Chrissy’s? What for?” You furrow your brows as you pull to a stop sign.

“Her parents are out of town so she’s hosting a party. Is it cool if I go?”

“Don’t ask me, I ain’tcha mamma” You shrug, “But if she says yes, then I will take you.”

“Think you’d want to stay too?”

“Why would you want me to stay?”

Lucas shrugs, “I’ve never seen you go to a party before, maybe you should try it.”

Sometimes you liked when your brother looked out for you. However, there were times you wished he didn’t. Nothing made you more self-conscious than you realizing as a senior in high school, you didn’t do much in high school. No parties, no smoking, no drinking, no relationships, nothing.

You smile, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind but for now, I don’t think so.” You flex your hands on the wheel, “Parties are very crowded places.” 

“But you are considering.”

“Emphasis on considering. I don’t know yet.”

When you head to bed, all you can think about is the party. And Eddie. Would he go? He has said he never really liked parties but it was Chrissy’s party. So maybe he would go. Then maybe you would go. It felt stupid to go to a party for a boy. A boy who might not even be there. You let out a sigh, you’ll just drop Lucas off.

The next night, You pull up to Chrissy’s large house. Lucas looks over at you for a moment, “Are you coming in?” You shake your head. He nods in understanding, seeing how you were sitting straight and you had a tight grip on the steering wheel. “Okay, I’ll find a ride back home.” he exits the car and heads inside. You watch him go before pulling the car out of park and roll away.

Just as you do, you see a dark figure jump in front of the car. You slam on the brakes quickly as the person turns to you, it was Eddie. “Woah, sorry my bad, thought you were parking.” He comes over to the window, “Sister Sinclair, what a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here?”

“I’m just dropping off Lucas…” You stammer, your grip on the wheel grows tighter. “What about you?”

“Chrissy invited me… I tried to bring the club but that was a no-go. So I’m kinda alone out here.” He sighs, “Unless you want to come inside with me.”

You let out a nervous giggle before covering your mouth. You compose yourself, “Sure.” You put the car back in park and lock it up before following Eddie inside. The house was full to the brim with folks from your school, hell, there were some from across the county here. Eddie wades through the crowd and you stumble your way after him following him to the kitchen. 

Eddie picks up a bottle of liquor and pours you a cup and then one for himself. You take the cup from his hands and take a sip. You make a sour face before smiling causing Eddie to laugh nearly spilling what was in his mouth. “You’ve never had alcohol before.”

You were embarrassed to say no. “Only a little of what cocktail my dad would mix.”

“Oh, okay, so this is a little below your taste.” He chuckles. You roll your eyes and continue to drink. Eddie leans against the counter next to you. He looks like he wants to say something but before he can, Chrissy appears, wrapping her arms around him.

“Eddie! You made it. I am so glad you’re here.” She squeals.

“Yeah, no problem. Sister Sinclair is here too.” He points. She only glances at you for a moment before continuing to talk to Eddie. Chrissy was nice but she was not your friend. You had never had a real conversation with her. You don’t think you’ve ever had a genuine conversation with her. Not that you would want to. She just talked about Eddie every time she was in the bathroom with her friends.

While they are distracted, you slip out of the kitchen and sit outside in the large backyard. You see Lucas walking with his friends and you wave. He walks over to you with a big smile, “You’re here! At a party!”

“Yeah yeah, I thought it would be fun.” You shrug.

“What convinced you? Is Eddie here?”

“He didn’t convince me.”

“But he is here though, right?”

You don’t say a word. Which answers his question. “You should tell him, y’know”

“Lucas, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I am! What a better opportunity than now!” Lucas exclaims, “You do it or I will.”

“Are you threatening me?!” You elbow him jokingly, “Whatever, man. Your friends are calling you, go back inside… Dork.” You shoo him away and you finish off your drink. You would go back inside for another but you didn’t want to risk the chance of bumping into Eddie and Chrissy in there. They were probably making out on the kitchen counter, or they probably moved upstairs to her bedroom. You grimace at the thought.

“Sister Sinclair” You are startled by the whisper in your ear. While you were thinking those terrible thoughts, Eddie had snuck up on you. “I was looking all over for you.”

“You were?” Your heart flutters at the statement.

“Well, I invited you for a reason.” He says.

You tilt your head, “Oh yeah, what is the reason?”

“Hm, you’re probably the only other person here I don’t find insufferable. Other than myself of course. And I really like talking to you. You don’t seem to have ulterior motives for being around me. Free weed or guitar lessons. And you don’t see me as someone to just make your parents upset. You treat me human.” He looks out into the night sky. “I don’t know how to describe it but you get it right.” 

Of course you did. You felt the same way with him. You weren’t just Lucas Sinclair’s sister to him. You weren’t just the girl that sat in the back of the class. You felt like you had become his friend on your own. And that’s all you ever were going to be. Just his friend.

Eddie looks over at you and smiles, “You’re thinking.”

You snap out of your daze, “Hm? Oh, nothing. I’m just glad you think that way. I also consider you a good friend. I’ve always had a hard time making some. I really appreciate you.” You felt your heart sink into your stomach like a stone. You swallow dryly and clear your throat. “I’m glad to be your friend, Eddie.”

“I’m glad to be yours too, Sister Sinclair. But you know I—”

“Eddie! Come inside, a few of us are gonna play spin the bottle.” Once again, Chrissy swings in with her sweet pout to convince him to leave.

“Uh, I don’t really want to play.” He mumbles.

“Oh well then maybe we could play truth or dare.” She pulls him back inside. Eddie looks at you apologetically before disappearing back into the house.

You sigh before going in yourself. The party was starting to drain you. The loud music and the crowd of people were starting to overwhelm you and the buzz of the alcohol in your system was waning. You decide to look for Lucas and let him know that you were leaving. You didn’t want him to worry about you vanishing into the night without letting him know.

You wander around for a few minutes and you can’t seem to find him. You ask around and people tell you that he went upstairs with a few others. You sigh, as you think about him up there playing that stupid game. You head up the stairs and look for Chrissy’s room. As you look around you hear giggling coming from one of the rooms. That must be it.

You were about to knock on the door when you heard someone call Lucas’ name. “Lucas, Truth or Dare.” The boy clicks his tongue, “Hm, Truth”

Everyone boos him until the person who spoke before says, “Tell us more about your sister. She seems so mysterious.”

“Yeah, I saw her in the backyard, I had no idea she knew anybody at the party.”

“Oh, she’s really cool. She likes reading, she has a bunch of books in her room about like history and plants—” Lucas is booed yet again by the people in the room.

“Tell us the juicy stuff.”

“Yeah, tell us a secret.”

Lucas looks around nervously. You stare in horror through the crack in the door as you see his eyes move to Eddie. “Well, I know she’s got a crush on somebody.” No! Lucas, no! You wanted to shout but you were frozen in fear. You continue to watch.

“Well spill Lucas, who is it?”

“It’s somebody in this room,” Lucas says, the room goes quiet. Everyone looks around trying to find out.

“Oh, I think I know.” Chrissy giggles, “It’s Eddie. Every time I saw you guys together she was totally ogling you.”

“Yeah Eddie, like her back?” Someone laughs.

“Yeah, no offense, but she always looks so sad.” Chrissy pretends to pout, “Kind of a buzzkill at the party.”

“She can’t seem to do anything without being around you, Lucas. Are you sure she is the older one?” They laugh again.

Tears well up in your eyes as you listen to them laugh at you. You hope that someone will defend you. Lucas, Eddie, anybody. Your ears begin to ring and the world becomes muffled. Your ears were burning hot and felt shortness of breath. The tears blur your vision as you back away from the door. The walls were closing in on you and you started to get lightheaded. You walk towards the stairs and bump into a table, and knock over a vase, shattering it on the hardwood. 

More eyes are on you as they hear the commotion. Everyone in Chrissy’s room comes out. Lucas steps forward to help you but you step away quickly running down the stairs. He follows after you. Eddie tries to follow as well but Chrissy grabs his arm, full of tears about the broken vase.

You reach the car outside and your ears hurt when the cool air touches them. Tears stream down your face, and you could barely breathe. You never thought your kind and caring younger brother would hurt you like that. Let them say those things about you.

He comes from behind you, shouting for you to stop, “Just wait a second.”

You turn around slowly and look at him, “How could you let them say those things about me! Your sister, Lucas. I have done nothing to deserve that and for you to hide in a room and tell my business. And you let them make fun of me. Am I really that helpless?! I’m sorry that I am so pathetic. I’m sorry your friends feel bad for you. I’m sorry, Lucas.” You wipe your face and unlock the car getting in, “You can find your own way home.” The car squeals down the road leaving Lucas in the dust.

The next school day, you were silent. You dropped Lucas and Erica off at school without a word. Lucas attempted to talk to you over the weekend but you had paid Erica fifty bucks to keep him away from you when you were home. At school, you kept your head down and avoided those at the party and the Hellfire Club. During lunch, you didn’t sit with them, and instead, you opted to sit outside and eat. However, you would regret this decision as you see Eddie approaching you coming from the woods.

“Sister Sinclair,” He smiles, “Good to see you’re okay after the party.” You don’t utter a word. You don’t even look at him as you continue to eat. Eddie’s mouth runs dry, “I’m sorry for what happened. They were jerks to you for no reason. And about the whole crush thing, I just wanted to say—”

You quickly pack up your lunch and leave. You didn’t want to hear him say another word. You didn’t want to feel like crumpling into a ball on the floor. You didn’t want him to see you cry for a second time.

After school, you still had your sisterly responsibilities of taking your brother home from his extracurriculars. Whichever one he chose for the day. It’s evening now and the clubs are over. To your surprise, Lucas had come out of the theater with the Hellfire Club.

Not a word is exchanged between the two of you as he enters the car. The car ride is silent until you hit the first stop sign. “I’m sorry for what I did at the party. I shouldn’t have told Eddie that you liked him. And I shouldn’t have let them bully you like that. I thought I was doing something right and instead I hurt you. I was being a total dick.”

“Yeah, you were.” You say.

“I don’t expect I will be forgiven.”

“You are.” You say, “You’re a stupid teenage boy. You’re gonna make a lot of mistakes. You were doing it out of the kindness of your heart. Just remember who your true friends are. You can’t assume everyone has an open heart like you do. That’s why I love you. I will always love you. And I forgive you.”

“I sent you into a panic attack. That doesn’t sound like kindness.” Lucas mutters.

“In hindsight, it wasn’t but I was already overwhelmed.” You wave it off. You didn’t want him to worry about the thought anymore. The moment came and passed and you were over it. Somewhat. There was still the Eddie part of the situation.

The next few days you still avoid the Hellfire table. You notice that Chrissy spoke less and less about Eddie during her bathroom breaks. She wasn’t clinging to his arm anymore or begging for his attention. 

After school, you wait in the parking lot for your brother when all of a sudden Lucas throws the door open. “We need your help.” His tone throws you into a panic as you follow after him. You come in half expecting someone on the floor dying. “We need your help fighting a gang of trolls.”

The others look at you with pleading eyes. You furrow your brows in confusion as if they weren’t dreading the time that you were playing last. “Are you sure it’s me you want?” They configure around you and nod. 

“Eddie has been very aggro this last game. He is usually more deadly when something is upsetting him.”

“Okay, what does that have to do with me?” You furrow your brows.

“Last time he wasn’t like this was when you played. So if you play again…”

“Will he be gentler?”

They all nod. You sigh and fold your arms, “Fine but I’m doing it for you guys.” The guys cheer and reconvene back at the table. The only seat that remains was the one next to Eddie. As you sit down, Eddie gives you a small smile.

“Welcome back, traveler.” He hands you your character sheet. He really did hold on to it for you.

You take it gently, “Thank you.” You look down at it nervously.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” He gives you a wink before continuing his monologue and starting combat. You get put in the initiative order and you try to figure out what to do for each of your turns. This time around you got the hang of what to do, sparingly asking Eddie for help. One by one the trolls are defeated and the session ends. Everyone heads to the door and as you stand up to follow, Eddie taps your shoulder, “Have a second to talk?”

You look over at Lucas and toss him the keys, “I’ll be out in a minute.” He nods and heads out with his friends leaving just you and Eddie in the room. He moves around the table collecting figurines and folding up the map.

“So, about the party I—”

“I accept your apology.” You say, “I mean there isn’t anything for you to apologize for you didn’t say anything mean about me. And the whole crush thing, it’s no big deal. If you don’t like me that’s fine. I kind of don’t expect you to. Like you said, we are friends. That’s all we are. I’ll get over it eventually, so you don’t have to feel bad for me or anything like that.” You let out a long needed breath.

Eddie blinks a few times before laughing a little, “Sorry I don’t mean to laugh but what makes you think I wouldn’t like you back?”

You smile nervously, “Well, first of all, Chrissy—”

“Chrissy is like a little sister to me. She’s very nice but I never saw her the same way she did me. I just found it hard to hurt her feelings after her break up.” He sighs, “But because I was sparing her feelings, I was hurting yours.” He’s nervous as he speaks. He twists the rings around his fingers and he’s shuffling his feet, looking down at the floor. “I like you a lot, and I would love to take you out sometime. On a date, somewhere nice and quiet, away from people and we could be our normal selves there.”

“Really?” You can’t help but feel giddy inside, you bounce on the balls of your feet, “I would like that a lot.”

He steps closer and takes your hand, “This weekend then?”

You squeeze his hand gently, “Yes.”

He is getting closer now, “I’ll pick you up from your house.” He places his other hand on your waist.

“Uh-huh.” Your voice goes quiet, feel yourself moving closer.

His eyes move from your eyes to your lips, “We go have dinner, and then go watch a movie.”

“Y-yeah.” Your breath hitches as your lips meet with his. When you pull away, his eyes are slow to open after yours. He smiles down at you. “So, Saturday?”

“Saturday sounds nice.” He then escorts you out of the school to the parking lot, hand in hand.

[random-fandom-chaos]

You’re Alright..I’m Here…

Hi! Hi! First ask! Thank you to: @arttime567!!!

Solar Angst! This takes place in Solar’s dimension in the start but in Sun & Moon’s dimension towards the middle or end. Basically Moon comforting Solar at the end

And if it’s Solar’s Moon than it’s: S!Moon

but if it’s New Moon than it’s: N!Moon

This is Solar’s POV! This wasn’t checked over-

Angst 💔 -to- Fluff 💕

pairings: None! All is platonic!

Characters: (New) Moon!, Solar, And Solar’s Moon

Started: 9:43pm!

Writer: Chaos

Leeets get to writing!!!

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Here we go again…my Moon’s screaming…again…I get I did build a damn satélite without permission! You don’t have to explain…Ugh I wish he would kill me or something…

S!Moon: “The Gator’s coming later.”

Solar: “What- why?!”

S!Moon: “probably because you built a satélite without permission…”

S!Moon responded With a snarl…god I hate him…As he walked away I mumbled

Solar: “I built one for a friend…a better friend that’s you…”

Around an hour later I continued working on the go-karts…Stupid kids…they always manage to break them! They’re toddlers! How can they unscrew a dang bolt?!

I sigh…Finally being able to fix the darn thing…

As I walk back to trashed place I call “my room” I see Moon…he just glared at me…And pulled me somewhere?? That can’t be good..

S!Moon: “So?…How have you been doing on fixing My brother?”

Solar: “…it’s not as easy! We need new parts!”

I respond…so that’s what it’s about…

Solar: “He’s practically a vegetable-“

I get cut off my a slap…He looked at me angrily, and for the first time I feel…afraid?… S!Moon: “SHUT UP. JUST ORDER THE DANG PARTS I DON’T CARE.”

Of course he doesn’t care…I look at him

S!Moon: “I SWEAR- I should just kill you! You’re the reason my brothers like this! It’s your fault!”

I look up at him…sighing…Before running out of that room

…god I miss Lunar, After he came here to my dimension I still don’t know how! But he is a good kid…as if on cue I hear the portal…Moon wasn’t there here right now at least after his fit of anger he went to the gator’s…who could that be?….I See…ANOTHER MOON?!- F##k- gotta hide- gotta hide-

I managed to duck behind a play place there…That Moon looks around…I can hear him mutter

New!Moon: “Where is that dude…Lunar told me about him…”

He walked around- WAIT. LUNAR?!…WHAT DID HE SAY… I stayed hidden probably a damn second away from a panic attack as I drop down with my knees toy chest just waiting to see what happened…again that darn feeling! The feeling of being afraid! I hate it. I just stay there…oily tears softly spill- WAIT- NO- nonononono- this can’t be happening I can’t cry. Not here. No…C’Mon Solar! Stay strong…That Moon can’t know you’re here…I was shaking though…my anxiety was at its peak…I was muttering curses before feeling a…soft hand? On my shoulder?…SHI- that’s the other Moon…please don’t hurt me- please…

Solar: “Fuc-“

I softly muttered flinching and backing away from him…What’s he going to do to me?…He give me space- what- He just kneels down next to me…I don’t mind…I don’t know why I don’t mind! He looks kind…WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME-

N!Moon: “Hey?…You’re Solar right? Lunar’s talked about you…he wanted me to come get you?….I don’t know, but by the looks of this place I think it would be better…”

I softly shook, Just sighing

Solar: “…Yes I’m Solar…”

the shakiness in my voice visible…why was I so scared?

He nodded and got me up…just walking me to the portal as I fidgeted with the gloves I had…Hoping my Moon wouldn’t come now…

Speak of the devil…

He Walked in…The other Moon almost instinctively pushed me into the portal…whom I fell FACE FIRST. Into…him soon jumping in. Solar: “…ugh…”

N!Moon: “You good?”

I give a thumbs up

Solar: “Who even are you?”

N!Moon: “I’m Moon…Lunar’s older brother…He isn’t here right now…Anyways…are you okay…you looked a second away from a panic attack back there-“

he pulled me up to my feet as he took me to his room, still talking or asking questions I answered appropriately for my standards.

He just sat me down on one of his chairs at his room and hugged me?…I didn’t know why but I just…Cried? In a very long time…My mind is foggy and fuzzy since I just let my emotions out…This Moon comforts me…This feels so weird but calming? He just hugged him tightly…

N!Moon: “I know I just met you but I heard of the horrors of that place…but..”

he shakily sighed

N!Moon: “You’re Alright…I’m Here..”

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Time ended: 10:13pm! @arttime567 Hi! I hope you like it! I tried my best! I’m sorry if you didn’t find it to your satisfaction.

❤️Thanks for reading lovelies

[morganski-19]

I Don't Know Which Way's Home

Chapter 6: The Inspection

ao3 link, Part 1, Part 5

tw: descriptions of a minor panic attack

February 1984

Julie watched in horror as her journal was ripped in half by Matthew Anderson. The person who has been torturing her all year, but never stooped to this level. She could deal with the name calling, the pulling on her ponytails and braids, the balls of paper that would be thrown at her in the halls. That was just him being an idiot and picking on the poor kid.

This, this hit differently.

Her journals were her life. Stories written down that were fabricated from her mind or truth she was never able to fully speak. Worlds crafted and characters created. Places she’s always wanted to visit or things she’s always wanted to do. These journals made her days less lonely. Made her life feel fuller.

And now there it lays on the ground ripped into pieces, while Mathew and his friends laugh at her tears. Solemnly, Julie picks up the pieces of her book and runs away, scared that staying there for even a second more would bring on more taunting.

She runs to the back of the school and hides below a staircase, crying over her lost words. Stories jumbles together, pages ripped apart. Everything she’s worked so hard on teared apart in minutes.

“Hey, are you ok?” a boy with a black bowl cut wearing a sweater asks her.

Julie just looks back at the mess in her hands, overwhelmed by it all over again. “They ripped it apart,” she whispers. “Just took it from me an destroyed it.”

“Bullies, they’re just a bunch of mouth breathers,” the boy sits next to her. “It doesn’t look too bad, you could probably tape it back together.”

“Maybe, doesn’t make it the same, though.”

Julie’s mom told her that this journal was sent by her dad. Part of her knew it was a lie, but the innocent part of her really wanted to believe that it was true. This journal was special, it was her yearly gift from her dad. She would write stories in it about happy families, hoping that this magical journal would make her dad show up. That way her mom could be happy again, she could be happy too.

“What was it?” the boy asks.

Julie lines up the pieces of paper into a small, organized stack. “Stories. I like to write sometimes.”

“That cool. My friend likes to draw stories. He says that the best thing about them is how you can create them with your own mind, that way no one can ever really take them from you.”

“I never thought about it that way.” She looks at the piles of stories again and imagines them differently. Instead of ruined castles and homes, she sees rebuilding after a long battle. She sees hope. “Thank you.”

The boy shrugs. “I’m Mike, by the way.”

“Julie.”

. . .

Present Day

Steve hangs up the phone with the owner of Family Video, smiling to himself and can’t help himself from doing a small fist pump. He got the job. Which isn’t a lot, considering he can’t see himself doing it for the rest of his life, but it’s one step closer to passing this inspection.

The inspection has been looming over his head for the past week. After the meeting with the social worker, Steve has been working double to make sure the house was presentable, even if it wasn’t supposed to happen quite yet. Going through each drawer, making sure everything is in its place. Making a small box of all of his upside down related items to find a nice hiding place outside of his house so that they won’t be found.

It was a lot, but it was worth it. There would finally be somebody else living in this house, someone who was family. Another person filling the mass of rooms that stayed empty for his entire life. And by someone who would stay.

Or at least, stay for longer than a week.

This whole placement thing was still weighing over his head. If he was honest with himself, he wanted to one day get permanent custody of Julie, but that wouldn’t be for the best. With all that she’s been through, she deserved someone more stable than him. But he could provide her with a safe place to live where she actually liked, so that was enough.

And maybe when the time came to find a permanent placement, he would be stable enough to get it. If that ever would be a possibility.

But that would involve a better job than retail, his own place and not his parents. No more nightmares and a better explanation for his many scars. A less marked medical history and probably one less NDA than he has signed.

As much as Steve hoped, it didn’t seem feasible. It didn’t seem in reach. The family he’s found would leave again, and he couldn’t stop it. But he wanted to.

Eddie and Robin let themselves in through the front door, promising to help Steve get the house actually ready for the inspection. Since it’s in shambles from his weeklong obsessive searching for every possible thing that could be wrong. There were papers everywhere and things out of place. It needed to be put back together. And Eddie offered to hide out the upside down stuff at his new house, so that was helpful.

“Jesus, dingus,” Robin looks disgusted as she scans the mess, “the hell did you do?”

Eddie does a soft whistle, making his own observations. “Blew up in the living room?”

Steve sighs. “I know it’s bad. Just help, please.”

“Why we’re here.” Robin starts making small piles, organizing the mess.

Eddie grabs a few of the larger items, and brings them to the kitchen, placing them all on the table to be distributed later. Room by room they go through and put everything back to where it was, making sure nothing is out of place. Eventually it ends with Steve and Eddie in his room, gathering up some discarded clothing to be taken to the laundry room.

Steve is mentally checking off a list in his head, adding new things one after another of what he has to do. Clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms, make sure the guest room beds are made and presentable, make sure there are no visible dangers in the house, check the railings for lose poles. Things he doesn’t even need to do but can’t help but think are necessary.

If this doesn’t go perfectly than what else is he supposed to do. Julie will be stuck in a terrible household until her social worker caves and moves her to another town. He’ll lose the only biological family that’s ever cared about him. All of this will have been for nothing. Julie will be let down and devastated, he’ll be devastated. It’ll all go terribly, and she’ll never talk to him again.

He'll be left alone in this house again. For God knows how long. He can’t move, can’t leave it behind for some reason. It just sits vacant with only him in it. And soon enough the kids will all go away to college, leaving him behind too. Robin will save enough money to go eventually too. Eddie will finally do what he always says and get the hell out of town. Leaving Steve in an empty house with no one around that loves him anymore.

A broken, empty house that has a million things wrong with it. So many things that this will never happen. They’ll see right through to the scared kid he still is but tries to hide. They’ll see the ghost that lives in his backyard. The pain and fear inside of him will come pouring out in the worst way possible. He’ll be deemed as unfit and this will all be for nothing. It’s always for nothing.

“Steve,” Eddie’s voice breaks through his thoughts. “Breathe. In, and out.”

Steve does what he said. Breathing deeply through his nose, not noticing how tight his chest had become. Breathing out through his mouth, hearing how shaky it is. He repeats it again and tries to stop the train on indefinite tracks in his mind, seemingly breaking off from itself and going in a million different ways. Each new branch clouding his thoughts and increasing the panic more.

“That’s good, now again.” Eddie breathes with him, making him hold his breath just slightly to help calm down his heartrate. He guides Steve to sit down on his bed, sitting next to him and taking his hand. Counting him through his breathes until the tightness alleviates, and he can breathe normally again.

“Thank you,” Steve breathes out, slouching a bit.

Eddie rubs his thumb across the back of Steve’s hand, squeezing it just slightly. Warmth radiating through the touch, making Steve want to lean in closer and absorb it.

“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.

Steve takes another deep breath through his nose. “What if this doesn’t work? What if I’m doing all of this for nothing?”

“You’re not,” he says pointedly. “Even if this doesn’t work out, it shows that you tried. That you care about her. Trust me, that means so much more than you realize. For both her and for the social worker. The courts might think differently if you want to take this further, but for temporary, you’re good. Ok?”

He meets Eddie’s eyes, immediately feeling the pull in them. “Ok,” he says, feeling himself start to get lost.

It takes a lot for Steve to let himself go around people, to put down his guard. But here in this moment, he would give it every single time just to get Eddie to look at him like this again. Just pure care in his eyes, gazing over Steve’s face to make sure everything’s ok. Wanting nothing more to this moment then to make sure he’s ok.

“What if everyone leaves me?” Steve whispers his fears so silently he hopes Eddie doesn’t hear. “Robin and the kids will head off to school. Julie will eventually too. And you’re never going to stay in this town. I’ll be all alone again.”

Eddie’s eyes meet Steve’s again and he lets out all the breath in his lungs. Just taken away by the simple beauty of Eddie’s face. He reaches up gently slides his hand across Steve’s neck, just barely cupping his chin. Steve leans into the touch, letting the warmth of Eddie’s hand ground him.

“I’m not leaving, not without you. Neither is Robin, and the kids will always come back. All of them will.”

Steve grabs Eddie’s wrist and holds his hand in place, letting himself sit in this moment. How he ever let himself say no to having this sooner, he doesn’t know. Because in this moment, there’s nothing more he wants then to lean in and capture Eddie’s lips with his. Take back everything he’s said and just dive in headfirst.

When Eddie’s eyes flick down to his lips just slightly, it makes it a million times harder for Steve to want to pull away. But he has to. This is the wrong time, there are things to do, he almost just went into a panic attack. Everything wants to stop him, but he can’t seem to listen to it. Slowly, he starts to lean in.

“Yo, dingus one and dingus 2, I can’t clean a house by myself,” Robin yells from behind the door, breaking the moment.

Steve pulls back, clearing his throat. “We’re coming, calm down.”

Before he can pull his hand away from Eddie’s, a small kiss is placed to the back of it. Warmth enveloping his hand before the coldness washes it all away when they let go. Soon, Steve promises. Soon he’ll be ready for this.

. . .

Julie is waiting in line at lunch when Dustin walks up to her. She rolls her eyes, ready to walk away before he can get in another line of questioning.

“Hi,” he states cheerily, with a stupid smile.

“Hi,” she responds crossly, hoping that it will show him that she’s not in the mood.

Dustin seems unaffected, continuing to follow her through the lunch line. “So, about a few days ago-.”

“It’s fine,” she cuts him off. “You were just curious about your friend. It’s fine.” Julie picks the last of her food and heads over to her usual table.

“I wanted to apologize,” Dustin follows. “I acted like a jerk, and I wanted to say that I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

She sets her tray down on the table and looks at him. A sheepish expression paints his face, and an awkward stance almost as if he wants her to ask him to sit.

“I forgive you,” she says, taking a seat.

“Good,” he says, still standing there.

After their last meeting, he can’t think that she would have invited him to sit with her almost immediately after the apology. It took him a few days just to give it to her anyway, it’s not like she’s that hard to find. But then he was close to Steve, so she should at least try to get to know him. If everything is going to work out the way that they hope, Julie will be seeing a lot of him, and the other kids that he looks after.

“Is there anything else?”

“It’s just,” Dustin sits, without an invitation. “I can’t wrap my head around the idea of Steve having a sister.”

Julie stabs at her food. “Well, it’s true. Living proof right here.”

“No, yeah. I get that. I’ve just always known Steve to be an only child, like me. And now he’s not.”

“If it makes you feel better, he still kind of is. Our dad would rather pretend like I don’t exist.”

“So, you share a dad then?”

Julie stares across the table, “Really? You just apologized for the uncomfortable questions.”

Dustin squints his eyes again, before smiling. “I like you. Let’s start over. Dustin Henderson,” he extends his hand across the table. “Pseudo brother of Steve Harrington.”

“Julie Lawson,” she takes his hand warily and shakes it. “Half-sister of Steve Harrington.”

“That is still so weird,” he says, starting to eat his food.

. . .

“Harrington residence,” Steve mutters through the phone, filing through the mail as he does.

“Can you explain to me why your mother got a phone call last week about a job application of yours?” Richard Harrington speaks through the phone.

Steve’s body straightens on instinct with the voice, trained to present himself the best as possible. His mind races back to the resume he gave Keith, a revised one that he had applied with originally. But he forgot to take his mom off of the reference list when he added Hopper and Joyce. Her name was still there front and center.

“I had applied to be a manager at the video store I’m working at now. One is leaving and I thought I could take their spot.”

His father sighs through the phone. “Wishful thinking, Steven. You won’t just get jobs because you think you can take them. You must work hard for them.”

Steve’s mouth dries. “Well, I got the job. So, I must have worked hard enough for it.”

“Like you would know the meaning of hard work,” Richard chastises without missing a beat. “You didn’t even have to have a college degree to get this job. Those careers are never real hard work.”

Thoughts race in his mind but never reach the front for him to actually say them. His father doesn’t know how hard Steve’s works. Doesn’t know how much pain he’s been through. The thought hasn’t even crossed his mind that there are other things important in life other than work. Other than money.

But his dad will never understand. Never understand how much he’s truly failed in life. How much he’s failed Steve. So, Steve’s stays silent, like he always does.

“I thought you wanted me to understand the meaning behind hard work. That is what I am doing?”

“But for how long, Steven. How long are you going to go around and play the charade as if you are not a Harrington. You have a responsibility to me. To the family. Some day you are going to have to wake up and start your life, and we are not going to wait around forever for you to decide when that day is coming.”

Like you were ever here in the first place, Steve wants to say, but the words get stuck in his throat.

“Every time I think you have started to grow up you prove me wrong. You are still a child, Steven, and an immature one at that. Stop pretending that what you do doesn’t mean anything. Apply to schools again and get in this time. Get a real job, one that looks good on the family. We have a legacy that needs protecting, and you’re ruining it.”

Richard hangs up the phone before Steve can get a single word in.

He stands there for a few minutes, the buzzing from the phone line filling his ear. Stuck in the hopeless, fearful stance that happens after every phone call, every conversation. Every thought of his father that he has ever had.

Eventually, he hangs up the line. Eventually, he places his forehead against the wall and closes his eyes, letting them fill with tears. Letting them roll down his cheeks.

It took years for Steve to understand what he was meant to do and what he wanted to do. And even longer to understand that his father will never love him unless he did what he was meant to do. But every time he tried, he failed. Every time he did what he was told, what was planned, it never worked. It was never enough.

When the schools rejected him, he got a part time job. When Nancy and him ended, he went on the scheduled dates. When the world fucking ended and they weren’t here to witness it, he recovered in seclusion so nobody else would know. For his father. Always for his father and his fucking reputation. But it was never enough.

“You were never here,” Steve whispers to the wall. “You are never here.”

He stands straight again, taking a step back. Staring straight at the phone that his father spoke through however long ago.

“You don’t even know me.”

How can a parent know a child they didn’t even raise? How is a child supposed to live knowing their parents don’t love them? Questions with answers Steve’s been forced to answer. Questions that should have never even be asked.

Steve turns around to face the only family picture in the entire house. A professional taken when Steve was a child. His young face, innocent to what is to come, sits on his mother’s lap. All while his father looms in the background, standing behind them both, a hand on his mother’s shoulder.

“You know nothing about me,” Steve yells. “You have never stayed long enough to try. Not even once.”

Tears are streaming down his face, clouding his vision. His breath picks up, stuttering with sobs.

“I’m not ruining anything. You are the one ruining it. I have seen more than you can possibly imagine, and you call me immature. At least I wouldn’t cheat on my wife. At least I wouldn’t have another fucking kid and hide it from the world. Because I own up to my mistakes, I change. Despite you.”

Despite. Steve has become the person he is without his father’s influence. His proudest accomplishment. He has become the exact opposite of the man who he was supposed to be a clone of.

“Despite you,” he continues. “I found people who care about me. I’ve fought monsters, I’ve saved lives. Can you say the same? I’ve learned from my mistakes, I’ve changed. I’ve grown into a person that I actually like instead of hate. Because I hated myself when I was trying to act like you. And if you were actually here to see it, you would hate who’ve I’ve become. Because despite of you, I’ve become a better person that you could have ever hoped for me to be.”

Something heals itself inside of Steve. Something retreats. The little boy who he once was smiles at him, knowing that what he says is true.

Richard Harrington may have never stayed long enough to know his son. But that meant that his son never got to know anything about his father other than fear and disappointment. And through that disappointment, he grew. And there’s no turning back.

. . .

When Julie walks through the front door of Steve’s house, the lights are dark. It shouldn’t be surprising, she’s been there when he’s at work, but there’s mail on the hallway floor. She picks it up, stacking it gently on the hall table and continues through.

“Steve,” she calls out, walking into the living room. He’s sitting there in the dark, his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his hands. “Shit, sorry. Do you have a migraine, I can leave.”

“No,” he says, lowering his hands, sitting up. “You’re fine.”

Something’s off. Steve’s hair is disheveled and there is slight redness around his eyes. A part of her wants to leave, let him be alone. He clearly was having some sort of moment. But when she thinks of this empty house, how empty it feels, she can’t leave him to it alone.

“Are you ok?” she asks quietly.

Steve scoffs, looking the other direction and shaking his head. “I’ve been better.”

She racks her brain of ways that her mom used to comfort her. The many things that failed, and how even when she tried her hardest, the sadness was still there. Talking about it always helped, though. Just to get the pain out of your system and have another person listen to it. For someone else to know your pain, for someone else to listen that it’s there.

It was never a lot, but it was something.

Julie walks over to the couch and sits on the cushion next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Steve takes a moment before he finally says, “I know you probably got a lot of shit for not knowing your dad, and I know you probably wished you did on some level. But God am I jealous of you for never meeting him.”

“Is he really that bad?”

Steve leans back on the couch and crosses his arms, looking at the ceiling. “Yeah. But it’s more of the fact that I’ve never seen him long enough to know if he was any good.”

There was another thing that sometimes helped when she was feeling down. Similarities. People who could relate to her situation. Show that she wasn’t alone in the way she felt.

And while she couldn’t say that she knows exactly how Steve feels, but she can relate in her own way.

“When I was little,” she starts, “like really young, I would always ask when my dad would come home. When he would finally meet me. For a while, my mom would lie and tell me that my dad was in the army oversees, and that’s why he wasn’t around. And on Christmas, there would always be a gift that was from him. That was the most special present every year, because I could bring it in and prove to the other kids, to prove to myself, that I had a dad that loved me.”

She pauses, thinking back to the gifts that little her would line on her dresser. One for each year, each more special than the last. She would sit and stare at them, praying for a day where her dad would give them to her himself. Once she got older, the spell was broken. The lies were unraveled, and her world was shattered.

“Of course, I didn’t know they were really from my mom at the time. When I found out, I took everything that I thought was from him and put it in a box and went straight out to the dumpster. I wanted to throw them out, cry over the child that believed so hard for something that was never there. But I didn’t. After the lies faded, they were still gifts from one of my parents, it just happened to be my mom.”

The box still sat in her room for years later. Gifts that she couldn’t bear to give away, because it just proved how much her mom loved her. She pretended every year that Julie’s father was still around, just to give her daughter a sense of normalcy. Julie never appreciated it at the time, not until it was too late.

“I guess I’m trying to say that there’s sometimes a little good that comes from the bad. My dad was never around, and after a while, I didn’t want him to be. But my mom was. And those presents made me appreciate her more that she was.”

When she looks over at Steve, he’s looking back at her with a thoughtful look on his face. “She sounded great.”

She looks away from Steve for fear of crying.  “She was.”

“I’m sorry you lost her, I don’t think I ever said that.”

Julie has become so used to people saying sorry that the words don’t even affect her that much anymore. Not like they did a month ago. Everyone is sorry, but there’s nothing anyone can to do fix it.

“What’s your good?” she looks back at him.

Steve sighs, taking a moment to think. “Younger me would always wonder why he was never around, why he was never the one who raised me. But looking back, I’m sort of glad he didn’t. That way I turned out to be a better person than he was. He couldn’t raise me to be just like him. Even if he still tries.”

“Is that why all the lights are off, because he’s trying to?”

“Yeah, got a phone call from him today. Told me I was a disappointment because I got the manager job at Family Video.”

Julie sits up. “Oh my god. You got it. That’s great.”

“Not for him and his stupid legacy,” Steve grumbles, repeating what she can assume are his father’s own words.

“Forget him,” She insists. “This isn’t about him, it’s about you. You wanted the job, right?”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah. I did.”

“Then be proud of it. You got what you wanted. Not because of him, because of you. You did that. Own it.”

He smiles. “I guess I did do that.”

“Not guess, did.”

“Whatever,” he laughs, the mood in the room shifting. “Thank you.”

She shrugs, “What are no longer estranged siblings for?”

He snorts. “Cheering each other up about their same shitty dad, apparently.”

“Yeah, apparently.”

. . .

“Well, I think I’ve seen all of the house that I need to,” Sarah concludes, crossing something off on the clipboard she’s carrying. “There is just one more interview that we need to do.”

A slight weight lifts off Steve’s chest, just a slight one. The house inspection has been one of the most nerve-racking things in his life. Someone going through every room in his house and asking questions about the most random things. Looking at his life in one of the most personal ways possible.

“Ok,” Steve responds. “We can head to the kitchen if you’d like.”

Sarah nods and follows him to the kitchen, getting herself ready at the table.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Steve offers. She politely declines.

He sits across from her as she pulls out a file. Glancing quickly at the name and seeing his own across the tab. Papers filled with information about him. He doesn’t know how much she can get before he turned eighteen, but there was plenty past then that he hopes she has no access to.

The NDAs he’s had to sign especially. He might be legally required not to talk about them, but the fact that he has them at all could be concerning. But those records would be sealed, right?

“So, Steve, you live in this house alone?”

“For the most part. My parents also live here but haven’t been back in at least a year and a half.”

He remembers that because they showed up for his graduation. Most kids went out to dinner to celebrate the day. Steve had to sit through a lecture on how he was going to fix the fact that he didn’t get into any colleges.

She nods and glances over the papers in front of her again. Each second without a question making his pulse speed up.

“That’s a long time to be away from the house. Do you take care of all the needs while they are away?”

Steve nods. “Yes. I have been given the rights to upkeep the house. So, paying all of the bills on time, making necessary purchases, making sure everything is up to date and replacing anything that isn’t.”

“And how long have you been doing that?”

He has the strong urge to lie but thinks that could be dangerous. But what is worse, saying that he’s only been doing it for two years, or since he was sixteen.

“I started to take over some of these responsibilities when I was sixteen. But that was mostly the financial stuff. Other normal chores I’ve been doing for longer.”

Sarah makes an almost startled look before writing something down in her notes, flipping to the next page before continuing her questions. Asking how long his parents would normally be away. If there was any change they would come home in the near future. How frequent these trips were and when did they start.

“What I am getting here is you know the financials and other necessities of keeping a good house very well, Steve,” she says with a hint of concern. “Even before you became a legal adult.”

If she only knows the things he’s done, the things he’s seen before becoming a legal adult. “Yes, that’s true.”

“Alright, let’s move on to the rest of the basic questions.”

She asks him if there are any weapons in the house. Basic safety questions to ensure that the house is fit. Then moves on to asking about him. When he graduated high school, where he works. What he likes to do in his free time. What his strengths and weaknesses are. General interview questions to get a better assessment of his personal life.

“You’re doing fine, Steve. You can calm down,” she jokes, marking one last thing before moving on to the last question.

He laughs. “Was it that obvious?”

She nods. “It always is. I just have a few more questions for you and I will leave you be.”

“Alright,” he rubs his palms gently against his jeans.

“Why do you think you would be the right placement for Julie?” She asks it with a smile, trying to make him feel safe but her words only making him panic.

He takes a moment to settle himself, try to think of what to say without it being jumbled. All the reasons seem obvious but not enough. To get her out of a house she hates. To give her a home where she feels safe. Be able to help get her through the rest of her schooling and help her go to the college she wants. Support her through the rest of her life, even if it isn’t permanent.

To finally be able to have the family he’s always wanted.

“I want her to be able to have a home that she feels safe coming home to. For her to have somewhere that feels like a home, that feels like a family. When we first met, I didn’t know what was going to come of it. But I knew I wanted to help her.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to figure out the best way to put it.

“My father is a difficult man. He’s done a lot of things in his life that I don’t approve of, or would repeat. And I couldn’t help but think that I had to help her. She was a victim of his mistakes, something I knew how to manage. So, I got to know her. I reached out and waited for her to make the decision if she wanted to get to know me. And she did.”

Steve thinks back to the first few moments of meeting her. The sorrow for him in her eyes that came with the information she’d given him. Not even realizing that she’d given him the one thing he’s begged for since he was little. A sibling. He’d be stupid not to try to get to know her.

“I know I’m not what you normally see when it comes to potential guardians. And I know that there are people that are going to tell you that this is a bad idea. You might even think it yourself, without them telling you. But I care about Julie, and I want to make sure she’s in a house that can provide for her. That loves her. And if I’m not the best fit for it, if there’s someone better, I’m not going to stop it. But she seems to really like it here, she comes over almost every day. And it might just be because she doesn’t like that other house, but I can’t help but think that she likes it here. That she feels comfortable with me.”

Sarah places down her pen and looks at him, fully paying attention to what he is saying. It only makes him feel like he’s saying the right thing.

“All I want is to make sure she’s taken care of. That she’s getting what she needs to survive through this change. I want to be there for her while she grieves her mom. Even though she tries to hide how bad it is. I want to make sure that she can go to the college she wants to. I want to make sure that she’s happy. And even if you tell me this isn’t possibly, that I’m not the right fit for her. I’m still going to be there for her, because I want to be her family. Whatever that means for us.”

All Sarah does is smile and close the file in front of her. “I think that answered the rest of the questions I had for you. You did very well.”

“Thank you,” he sighs in relief. “When will I figure out your decision.”

“Well, I have one last interview to do with Julie, but soon. We’re moving quicker than normal as the state of that house she’s currently placed in is not meeting my standard. They won’t be fostering for us anymore after this,” she adds as if she isn’t supposed to tell him. “You should be hearing from me within the next week or so.”

Only a few more days until he figures out if this was all for nothing.

“Thank you, for even considering this,” he says while walking her out.

“It is always a priority for me to look at family members, especially those who care as much as you do.” She holds out her hand and he shakes it. “It was a pleasure meeting with you again, Steve.”

With that, she walks out the door and the inspection ends. Leaving him with what feels like misplaced hope starting to flutter in his chest. He might have actually pulled this off. Just might.

Tag list(let me know if you want to be added or removed): @homoerotictangerine, @mugloversonly, @thesuninyaface, @imyelenasexual, @anaibis, @ilovecupcakesandtea, @brainsteddielyrotted, @jackiemonroe5512, @eddie-munsons-missing-nipple, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @cinnamon-mushroomabomination, @lolawonsstuff, @writingandmushroomdragons, @stevesbipanic, @sierra-violet, @steddie-as-they-go, @dauntlessdiva, @mousedetective, @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner, @zombiethingy, @connected-dots-st-reblogger, @that-agender-from-pluto, @allyricas, @cheddartreets, @devondespresso, @crypticcorvidinacottage, @queenie-ofthe-void @chronicpainstevetruther, @cheddartreets, @theupsidedownrealestateagent, @acidbubblegummie, @sirsnacksalot, @l0st-strawberry, @helpimstuckposting, @strawberry-starss, @freddykicksasses, @italianwhore1, @i-threw-my-name-out-the-window, @rageagainsttheapathy, @nuggies4life, @ape31, @whimsicalwitchm, @chrissycunninghamfanblog, @michellegilligan, @hippielittlemetalhead, @bridget-malfoy-stilinski-hale, @jaytriesstuff, @confused-stripes, @faeb1tch42069, @marklee-blackmore, @hel-spawn, @genderless-spoon, @mamafaithful, @estrellami-1, @starryeyedpoet17 @i-amthepizzaman, @lilpomelito @melonmochi

[asshlyyyy]

You Get Bit (Hacketter Headcanons)

While this is not what I wanted to originally have posted today, it still turned out well. It is something for everyone who wants to read about their favorite counselor. My personal favorite for this headcanon is Jacob. 

A little spoiler... I am currently writing a Jacob one shot which will be out in a couple days time for all my people who love Jacob.

Masterlist

warnings: swearing

Abigail:

"I- oh my- I- Can you walk?"

"I can try-"

"You know what- um- I will go get help"

She would then run off to get help

She would be by your side the entire time

Well, that is until you turned

She wouldn't be able to believe her eyes

Her beloved Y/n, once human, now turned into a monster

She would try to keep herself calm by drawing you

Kaitlyn:

Immediate mom mode would come out

She would tend to your wound, but in the end, it wasn't enough... and clearly did nothing

She would try her best to keep you distracted so that you, and mostly her, wouldn't think about what's to come

Would raise her voice at anyone who would come close to her or yourself

Would cry when you forced her to leave

Ulltimetly would complain to Dylan the whole way to the scrapyard

Dylan found it cute how much Kaitlyn was worried about you

When they returned and saw you were still there... but only in a different form

Her heart would break

Nick:

Nick is an absolute wreck

He's pacing around the room

"Do you need anything, love?"

"Do you feel any better?"

You found it cute how your cinnamon roll cared so much about you

Even in the face of danger, he wanted to make sure you were okay

Would lose his absolute shit when you change

He would be that person to believe that you wouldn't hurt him in that form

Boy was he wrong because you attacked him

While he ended up fine, he was more worried about you

Emma:

Wouldn't know it happened until Kaitlyn and Dylan told her

Would blame herself for leaving you alone

Would definitely try to go get you

She would cry in the shelter when it was just her and Abi

Abi would reassure Emma that you were okay

Of course, she wasn't going to believe it until she saw you herself

And she did... and not in the form she was used to

Her scream was loud, she couldn't believe what you turned into

Would definitely yell at you for scaring her when you turned back

Ryan:

After what happened with Nick he wouldn't know what to do

When you got bit he was frozen in his spot

"It's- it's um... it's going to be okay."

On one end he would want to stay with you

On the other hand, he would want to go with Laura to put an end to your suffering

Would ask Kaitlyn to find a place to keep you safe

Would have no trouble shooting Chris

After Silas dies he would rush Travis to get them back to the lodge

Dylan:

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck-"

"Dyl, stop freaking the fuck out,"

"We have to cut it off,"

"Cut off my fucking head??"

Due to the bite into your neck, you couldn't... cut... off... the... limb

"I don't know! I'm freaking the fuck out! What if you turn??"

"Just... stay away from me..."

Your eyes would start to water

He would be full-on crying, but would still try to put on a tough act just for you

"I'm not leaving you,"

"I don't want to hurt you Dyl... p-please"

Would stay with you till the last possible moment

Jacob:

"Oh my god! Y/n!"

"I'm okay-"

"The fuck you are, look at your leg!"

Jacob wouldn't know what to do

He would most likely blame himself for you getting hurt

Just like Dylan, he would be freaking out more than you

Would one hundred percent think you're dying

Would also be full-on crying

"Jacob, please- just- you need to get me to the lodge"

"I-I-I-I-"

"Jacob, honey, I need you to take a breath."

Would carry you to the lodge

"Emma! Kaitlyn! Ryan! HELP!"

He would be close to having a full-blown panic attack

Once morning comes he would pull you into a hug and never let go

Laura:

When she saw you at the pool house, she froze

She expected you to be well and not bitten

After what happened with Max, and herself, she knew that no matter what she had to find Chris

She was indeed running out of time, and she didn't want you to suffer

She would play a tough act when she was around you

Would definitely have a small cry when she wasn't near you

You were her reasoning for wanting to do those ungodly things no teenager should have to

She knew that she didn't have to kill Silas in theory

You were saved

She was saved

Why bother?

Though, she went to do it knowing that you would've wanted her to

Max:

He wouldn't know what to do

He would try his best to try and save you but would have no idea how to

He would clean you up, but in the end, he wouldn't know what's to come

When you transformed, he couldn't believe his eyes

He didn't even know what you turned into

How would he be able to help when he didn't know what you were?

He would be more freaked out than you would've been

Would speak none stop about how worried he was about you

[kelin-is-writing]

well well well... i bet you've been feeling quite safe lately bc of all the fluffy asks huh?

my specialty however is and always will be angst >:)

ok imagine this:

you're quirkless and dabi is secretly extremely relieved bc he knows how bad some quirks' drawbacks can be. he also takes pride in the fact that his dad would most likely be very upset by you not having a quirk hehe

and then it happens - you accidentally get wrapped up in a fight and dabi wasn't fast enough. the only thing he can do after you got hit by the attack of a random person (that dabi burnt to ashes right after) is hold you while he watches you taking your last few breaths.

what neither of you knew however is that you aren't actually quirkless. poor baby can't believe his eyes when you suddenly stir to life again. a resurrection quirk is the last thing either of you had expected and dabi has no idea what he did to deserve to be so lucky. despite your power he swears to never let you get hurt again :')

- 🥛

MILK— FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU MADE MY BLOOD FREEZE IN THE FIRST HALF OF THIS ASK!!!!!

was about to cry like— 😭😭

one of the worst things that dabi could ever go through, after what happened to him as a child, is losing someone special to him the moment he finally opened up after years of holding back from creating actual bonds with others.

his huge fear of losing you, in every way, is the reason he has never wanted emotional bonds to begin with, but once he had a little taste of what it feels like to simply be with you, dabi got addicted and there was no way back, so he always does everything within his power to never make you regret choosing him or sticking with him, because he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing you go away.

GOD— the way he would wake up every single morning scared and in pure panic at the idea of not finding you anywhere, his heart would sink not seeing your figure laid beside him but the moment you peek from behind the door dabi would relax right away.

you are there with him and that’s everything that matters.

I KNOW THAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT US BEING QUIRKLESS, NEARLY DYING, DABI PANICKING AND THE BOOM OUR QUIRK APPEARS—

but i really couldn’t hold myself back from talking about how your existence and presence would mean the world to dabi for real...

[elliesappetite]

Empty Promises ~ part one

Neteyam x gn na’vi reader

Summary: the feeling of emptiness.

A/n: yes this is a angst story! But don’t worry it does get better. Also this happens after the incident with Quaritch but the rest doesn’t exactly follow the main storyline

Tiyawn: love

Nga yawnel lu oer: i love you

Sa’nok: mother

Yawne: beloved

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thud. Choke. The sound of my heartbeat and me choking as I hold back my tears as I stare at my lover in disbelief, his gaze on me as he reaches for my cheek.

“y/n.” my name. Goddammit.

i look away, not uttering a word incase i ended up crying. I couldn’t be able to look at him. Not now. Not after what I heard.

“why?” I manage to whisper, cheeks wet, eyes stinging from the betrayal of my tears falling. “I have to. For my family. For you. For the clan.”

I finally was able to turn to look at him to see that he is also crying. Neteyam, my yawne, my future mate, my everything. After the incident at the abandoned shack, Jake and Neytiri both decided it was best for the Sully’s to leave. To leave home. Leaving me behind.

“But can’t i come?” I place my hand on his chest as i feel his heartbeat. “I’m sorry tiyawn. You can’t.”

Tiyawn. The name he always calls me. I feel my heart breaking even more.

I was his. He was mine. We have known each other since before we could even crawl. “But i can’t lose you ‘teyam. What if i never see you again?” He holds me. His smell makes me cry more. Damn traitors.

“You won’t lose me tiyawn. We will see each other again.” I look up at him. “When?” He shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

Suddenly his lips landed on mine. His taste. Makes me feel even more scared then I am now. He pulls back and suddenly i feel cold. His touch, his presence alone is warm. Like a sun. He starts walking away but turns to face me one last time “i promise i’ll come back, i promise i will never forget my love for you. Nga yawne lu oer”

I smile weakly as i’m alone. Terrified. Heartbroken. My legs give out on me as I fall to the ground of his now empty marui. Sobbing for what felt like hours. I sobbed to the point where i couldn’t breathe and my eyes couldn’t produce more tears. I was alone. And was afraid his promise was nothing but empty.

Months have gone past. I barely slept. Barely ate. Barely did anything except sit in the Sully’s empty tent. My sa’nok kept coming to check on me, trying to persuade me to come out. But i couldn’t move. I was frozen. Paralysed. Like a part of me was missing when they left. When he left.

I can’t bear to mention his name. When i do, i end up sobbing. Pathetic really.

When i sleep. I dream of him. More of a nightmare. It’s always the same. It’s the day he walked away from me, muttering words like “i’ll forget you” “you’re not good enough to even remember” “I’m finding someone else to replace you” every night. I scream his name to the point my voice is hoarse. My throat is dry and i’m back on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. This then leads to panic attacks. It happens so much that I don’t sleep.

Sometimes I think about if if what he said in my dreams were true. Maybe i wasn’t good enough to be fought for. I had this horrible feeling in my gut but I ignored it. I still loved him. Surely he wouldn’t forget me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I sit. All day. Everyday. Waiting for them. Praying to Eywa that he returns. That he comes back holding me, telling me that it’s okay, that he still loves me. But he doesn’t. He’s not even here.

“Happy Birthday tiyawn. I know it’s not much but i asked my mother to help me make a bracelet for you since you know, I suck at things like this.”

The bracelet. The bracelet he gave me on my birthday. Months before he left. The only thing that keeps me sane. But it’s not enough. I need to smell him, to feel him to touch him.

I shiver as I feel a shadow lurking over me. I assumed is was sa’nok. Everyday she comes by to feed me. To make sure I was okay.

I always put on a false smile, pretending i’m fine. But over the months it’s been harder to smile. She knows it. Everyone knows i’m not well.

“Sa’nok i’m not hungry”

“Hey.”

Suddenly everything stops. Time stops. I’m frozen. It can’t be.

To be continued!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: i really hope you guys liked this story, i am going to continue it so leave me suggestions, i do have a story in my mind and it is going to be sad ik ik but i love a good angst yknow? This is my first story so let me know if you enjoy it! Also should I do teasers of the upcoming chapters? Let me know!

[romanarose]

Safe

Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader

Kinda playing with the themes in Yellow. Usually in fanfiction, everyone is good to go. But what happens if the reader gets triggered during sex?

WARNINGS: Implied sexual abuse, nothing graffic or even specific, but you can draw from it. Rough blow job, blindfold, bondage, face fucking, being triggered, crying, panic attack. LOTS OF AFTER CARE! Post-sex talking, lovey dovey Jake Lockely. UUUHHHH lmk if I missed anything?

************

It had been your idea, after all. Jake had tied you up before, he had blind folded you before, he had even done both at the same time, but he had never gagged you while doing this, and essentially, that’s what his dick was doing. You practically had to beg him. Jake knew what you had been through, and although you two enjoyed rough sex, very rough sex, he was always incredibly mindful of anything that might upset you, and always kept an eye on your comfort. So when he agreed to try it, he, of course, had a fall back instead of safe wording. Since you wouldn’t be able to use your safe word and you wouldn’t be able to  tap his thigh like you usually did when he fucked your throat, hell, you couldn’t even blink morris code, he had your hands tied up in such a way that you could tap the back one of hand to the palm of the other, signalling him to stop.

So why, he wondered, did this feel wrong?

He had started off softer than he usually did, but when he pulled off to check on you, you pleaded for him to go harder. You wanted him down your throat, you wanted to feel powerless, you wanted to give up control. You managed everything. You were a rockstar at work, your nieces and nephews and little cousins adored you, the household ran smoothly, making sure chores were done and Jake, Marc and Steven got along. So, during sex, you liked to let go. Sex with Steven was very mutual, but Steven could take over if needed. Marc controlled things, Marc needed control, but he wasn’t comfortable with hitting. Choking, manhandling, light spanking, shit like that, yeah, but hitting was a no. 

Jake was who you came to when you wanted to utterly surrender. When you wanted to give everything. You trusted him whole heartedly, and in turn he took care of you, during sex, after, and in your daily lives together. Jake had given you what you asked for, pulling down your tank top to expose your tits to the drool dripping down your face, hair a mess as he painfully gripped it, close to the scalp to move you roughy along his shaft, between all that and the way you were tied up and blind folded, you looked totally fucked out, incredible. But something was off. When he pulled you off to check in again after he felt you gagging on his cock, you insisted you could take it. He knew you could, but that did little to assure him.

“Wanna be good for you, daddy”

“You are good, mi vida, it’s okay if you-”

“Please?” You begged.

You didn’t know why you said it. You didn’t know why you asked for more when you could recognize how uncomfortable you were, when he was giving you an out. You just wanted to please him, wanted to make him proud. Safewording felt like defeat, stopping felt like defeat, although he had never done anything to make you feel this way. There was too much happening. Despite Jake buying the softest silk ties and rope he could find, you still were irritated by them. It was so much and so little. You couldn’t move, you couldn’t see, you couldn’t talk. This is what you wanted, wasn’t it? You asked him for this, and now you had bit off more than you could chew. Jake was fucking your face like he had done before, like you had taken before, but you were scared. You knew it was Jake, you could hear his grunts and moans and praises above you, you could smell him, but something kept taking you back, pulling you to where you had been long before you met your boys.

Logically, you knew it wasn’t possible. Marc had ‘taken care of it’, as he said, and you were pretty sure that meant killed. You knew what had hurt you before, couldn’t now, and yet… with your senses deprived, there was nothing grounding you. Panic began to rise up, muffling your hearing, only serving to stray you further from reality, further from Jake. Gagging around him, you could make out a groan above you as he pushed you down further, and despite your best judgement, you started to feel like he wouldn’t let up, the thought of which make the little air you could get in, stop completely as the last part of you that was ground in reality left.

Jake couldn’t help admit, you felt good, fucking amazing, as always, your mouth always so wet and warm as you took him so well, a good girl, always wanting to please him. Jake couldn’t pin point it, he couldn’t name exactly what, but something in your body language was off… but you wanted to keep going? He had asked, hadn't he? You knew your safe signal, and you knew he would always stop, right? Then why did you look so… uncomfortable. Just as Jake was about to pull you off him and tell you that he was stopping, that he was making the sound decision for you, he saw your increasingly tense body wraith uncomfortably, like you were trying to get away. 

Jake let go of your hair, pulling his hard cock out of your mouth and quickly tugging himself into his boxers as you gasped and sputtered for air, he bent down to start take care of you. First, he took off the blindfold, finding your eyes red, wet, and puffy. You had been crying, you were gently crying right now with your eyes shut, frozen in his arms. ”Mi amor, what happened? What do you need?”

“Get these off, please” you cried, not opening your eyes.

“Claro, carino” With one pull, the silk ties fell to the ground, and you immediately wrapped your arms around Jake as he cradled you on his lap. 

“I didn’t like that” You sob out, feeling a bit childish, but safe in him. “I thought I would, but it was scary”

His heart hurt for you, his precious girl, so hurt by the world, and he felt like he had hurt you more. “It’s okay, bebita, you don’t have to do anything you don’t like, and you can always change your mind” Jake held you close, curled up into him as you calmed down.

After a few calming breaths as he whispered reassurances, you told him the reason behind your freak out. “Couldn’t see you. Got scared… we do a lot, but… I always feel safe when I know it’s you” You rest your head on his chest, breathing him.

“Would you like to take a hot bath, amor? Relax a bit?” He kissed into your hair.

“Yes please” You sigh into his arms.

Jake sets up the bath just how you like it: Hot, hot, hot, epsom salt, a nice candle (cherry merlot today, to match the wine he brought along with water) he turned off the lights, and turned on the playlist on his phone he specifically made just out of music to relax you (it was on youtube, because he’ll be damned if Stevie Nicks is on his spotify wrapped). “Alone, or together, alma?” He asked, knowing you’d probably choose together, but also giving you the option of alone if you needed space.

“Together.” You confirmed.

A few years ago, Jake had never perceived himself capable of, hell, worthy of this, to have a beautiful girl in his arms as he bathed in warm water, your voice singing along to He is We’s “I Wouldn’t Mind” as your finger trailed along the veins and muscles of his arms and legs.

‘Forever is a long time but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side. Tell me everyday I get to wake up to that smile’

 He never thought he’d have a life where Marc and Steven not only knew of his existence, but loved him as a brother. He never thought he would be perceived with love, tenderness and trust. But here he was.

“Amor?” He started.

“Si?”

“Can I ask why you didn’t use your safe signal? We can talk about it tomorrow if you’d like, but I just want to make sure I don’t make the same mistake next time”

You reassuringly reached back to touch his stubbled face. “I was a little preoccupied, couldn’t think clearly.”

Jake nodded. “And before, when I asked how you were, you didn’t tell me you didn’t like it.”

Your chest tightened when you knew you were caught. Jake relied on you being honest with him. “Wanted to be good for you…” You mumble.

“Carino, eres el amor de mi vida, eres mi todo, eres mi mejor amiga, y el sol de mi dias” Jake took a moment to breath in your scent, assuring himself that you were real, you were here, and you weren’t leaving him as he bared his soul to you. “Mi beuna chica. Nothing will change that. Nothing is more important than knowing you trust me”

“I do trust you, Jakey, I just hate admitting defeat, you know this. It’s why Steven an I played monopoly until 3 am last month, remember?”

Jake scoffed, rolling his eyes but only teasingly “Si, yo recuerdo esa noche, and Marc was cranky as hell that morning.”

“Mmm” You smile, turning to press a kiss on his peck as you curled up, closing your eyes as you rested on him. “I made it up to him.” You feel Jake laugh.

“Yeah, yeah you did.”

“That’s all it was, Jake, just me not wanting to give in. I trust you completely, with everything in me, my love” You cross over Jake’s heart with your fingers, albeit blindly  as you don’t open your eyes. ”Prometo, guapo”

Jake’s heart was full as he carried your half asleep, towel dried body to the bed, slipping your comfiest pjs on as the wine and calming bath took away all the stress from your body, allowing you to relax. Jake listened to your heartbeat and breathing slow until you were asleep in his arms. You trusted him, completely, trusting him with every vulnerable part of yourself that before him and his brothers, you didn’t let people see. Even after tonight, even after you had been scared shitless, you trusted him completely, a total surrender, allowing him to bath you and laying down in his arms again. He was yours, you were his, and he would always keep you safe.

***************

I hope this wasn't like, triggering to read or anything. I hope you all liked it!

Gonna take a moment to self promo Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside, it's coming to an end after 30+ chapters, so if your looking for a long as hurt/comfort/angst/fluff/smut, this is it! I put my heart and soul into this bad boy <3

tagging the usual sluts,

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @ahookedheroespureheart @ninebluehearts @lucianadraven32 @jake-g-lockley @howaboutcastiel @welcometostayingawake @in-between-the-cafes plus @bit-dodgy-innit bc i know they love a good post-sex communication chat <3

[jaegonsmoon]

You ever think that like, if the storms end cash happened in a modern au where they still had dragons. Luke would have gotten away so much easier. Arrax was able to fly through a narrow like canyon in the show and in a modern au thatd be idle for Arrax cause he could get through the spaces between the tall buildings way easier then Vhagar and he could also go lower to the streets probably. I think he'd have a way better shot of getting away and that also opens up the thought of, since he did, what all changes

-5 am anon, again :,)

is it you, my muse<333??!

hi my love! soooo, I actually have a scene in a modern au that I’m writing (It’s called “All The Young Dragons” I posted the prologue already) and there’s a scene like that, which diverges from the show since it’s a modern au, it goes quite different but the fate unfortunately remains the same and we do lose baby Arrax.

Now, bringing up canon scene, I believe Arrax and Luke could’ve escaped if they would have found a cave to hide or if Arrax wouldn’t have attacked Vhagar, they were almost out. Luke was being really smart about the situation, he knew what was about to happen the moment he saw Vhagar was gone. My son was scared af but he still tried to soothe Arrax before they took flight. But Arrax was also scared shitless, he is a baby dragon still. They were both so young *holds in tears* So naturally Arrax reacted the way he did, he was carrying both his and Luke’s fears and anxieties atm. If Arrax hadn’t spit fire to Vhagar, they would’ve had more advantage and they could’ve made it out of the big portion of the storm, hell, they did! but y’know, granny was already blood thirsty by then.

In a modern au, is like being chased by a car in a slippery road in the middle of a storm. Perhaps in a modern world they have better flight system??? (okay hear me out I just made myself laugh after almost crying recalling this scene) but what if they have technological radars in their dragons sosidkd like planes? It would honestly be smart, they track each other for safety purposes, they know if it’s clear to land. Where to, the weather conditions. Obviously all this goes to shit somehow, maybe Aemond being a little psycho blocks Luke’s radar. That makes him all the more guilty in this situation if it goes according to canon.

Oh but! Arrax and Luke escaping, their radar is off. Aemond loses them to a big bad portion of the storm that not even Vhagar can cross and that’s when he starts to /panic/ bc oh no, uh oh. He fucked up. But going back to my cave theory, Arrax and Luke are taking shelter in a cave, and the storm is so bad it takes them two days to come out.

By then a war is almost about to set off.

And then! If we go to a modern au Marvel like, where they’re these magical beings with dragons flying around everywhere, and we have the typical city *New Yorkers in every universe collective tired sigh* and the chase takes place in the middle of a storm in the city, yes, Arrax and Luke have the more advantage. Vhagar is too big, she causes hella damage to the buildings and the roads. But Arrax is small and fast, I think they could fit on the underwater/ground tunnels. The people freaking tf will tell on them but by then Luke can leave Arrax in a safe spot and run like a mf.

So many possibilities, I would like to think they had a better chances bc honestly, Luke was really resourceful, it was not his fault Vhagar was the size she is and that Aemond was playing god. And that his dumbass was speaking to his ancient war dragon in the common tongue the whole time. Not sure it would have helped much, but at least the dragon would’ve understood him better.